#meet me at st. gallen

[kengkastanyas]

that 'pinagtagpo pero di tinadhana', 'what if', 'kaso ng wrong timing' movie.

[stellaraify]

celeste and jesse irl

oo paboritong pelikula ko ang i’m drunk i love you. ikaw ba naman magkaroon ng 7 years unrequited love. kaunti nalang malalapasan ko na ang 7 years na pagmamahal ni carson kay dio, pero ayoko na paabutin yun dun.

isa pa sa mga paborito kong pelikula ang meet me in st. gallen. siguro mas dito na ako makakarelate ngayon. kabisado ko pa nga linyahan ni celeste dun. 

“tama ka, i made you my ideal man kaya di ka pwedeng masira sa’kin” 

it hits me nung binitawan ni celeste ang linyang yan. napasabi pa ako ng “same teh” kasi same talaga ng naranasan ko yung nangyayari sa kanila ni jesse. the no-label shits. but behind that pa-joke na pagsabi nun, i was hurt. masakit kasi ganun talaga ginawa ko. i choose to see the good in him. walang wala sa akin lahat ng kagaguhan and the disrespect. hindi ko magawang magalit sakanya kasi pinili ko naman ‘to. i choose to stay kahit na sobrang labo. urong sulong ganun. 

“baka ganito talaga tayo. dumadaan lang. never to stay”

the moment my tears decided to fall was when celeste said that line. na realize ko ganun din siguro kami. we are meant to meet at some points (yes, POINTS) of our life and make each other happy. tapos pag nawala na yung thrill, balik strangers ulit. hindi talaga siguro kami meant to stay with each other. kaya pakyu sa mga horoscope shits na nagsasabi na good combi ang gemini at cancer (somehow it gives me hope)

after crying one night before kasi hindi ko talaga alam kung kaya ko na siya i-let go, naalala ko si celeste. after that night i watched the movie again and decided that i will be like celeste. mapaglaro ang araw na yun, i attended the 6pm mass sa st. jude. umupo pa ako sa pinakaunahang sit. jokes on me kasi ang homily is about letting go. it’s like the universe is telling me to do it. i take that as a sign and tell myself na baka it’s time to cut the thin thread. baka hanggang dito nalang talaga itong kung ano man ito (situationship or what) 

totoo nga ang sinabi nila, may dalawa lang outcome ang ganitong set-up. it’s either you’ll end up with each other or you’re gonna walk away with a broken heart. the sad part is, i’m the latter. pero sabi nga ni jesse, 

“you don’t break hearts on christmas day, bawal yun” 

kaya ‘di ko na paabutin ‘tong pasko. i’m finally setting myself free 🌻

[ladylooch]

Strictly Pleasure - [Timo Meier]

A/N: So color me stunned when I went to the roster of Team Switzerland in 2019 and did not in fact see Timo on it……. Because the Sharks were in the playoffs…. LMAO But you know my entire AU timeline is built on 2019 so we go with it. As promised, the full fic for our unanimous poll winners 🥹

As a warning, I literally was clawing my fingernails into the bench seat editing this morning. Holy fuck. Apparently I was feeling extra smutty this weekend.....

Word Count: 4.3k

The coolness of my white wine glass chills my palm while I bring the liquid to my lips. I take a sip, lips curling up in appreciation of both the wine and the stunning sunset before my eyes. I sit on the patio of a cafe in Bratislava, Slovakia awaiting the arrival of my little brother. I am the only member of my family who has been able to make it over to Slovakia in time to see him compete for our country at the IIHF World Championships. His previous international experience has been at the U18 level, but this year he is competing in the big leagues. We are so proud of him and I feel honored to have the flexibility to see him live his dream this week.

Crowds from various countries line the streets of the capital city, surrounding Ondrej Nepela Arena. Various teams are represented- the three crowns of Sweden, the lion of Finland and one man with the red and white of my home country. I smile at the familiar crest on his chest. He wanders down the sidewalk with sunglasses on, hair perfectly styled in a swoop to the left. Mirrored aviators hide his upward gaze to the awning that spells out the restaurant. He flips his sunglasses up, looking down at his phone, then at the name of the restaurant again. Once confirming, he puts his phone back in his pocket, then stalls his footsteps at the podium explaining the menu options for tonight.

“Go Swiss!” I cheer in my native language at him. He looks up from where he had been studying the menu, nodding in my direction. 

“You from?”

“Yes.”

“Me too.”

“I assumed so. You have the accent.” 

“You… kind of do?” He chuckles, questioning. His head tilts to the side slightly, thick eyebrows pulling lower over his eyes. “Where are you from?”

“Close to Bern.”

“Ah… that southern dialect can be troublesome.”

“Maybe you just haven’t heard it enough. Should get out of the big city.” He quirks an eyebrow. “Zurich. Clearly.”

“St. Gallen.”

“Same difference.” 

“Okay.” He chuckles, shifting as he stuffs his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “This place any good?”

“Wine is good.” I cheers my glass in the air at him. “But other than that, I don’t know. My brother picked the place.”

“Yeah, I am meeting someone here too.” 

“Would you like to wait with me? I can buy you a drink.” For some reason, he laughs. 

“Buy me a drink?” He nods. “Sure, if your boyfriend won’t mind?”

“No boyfriend. I’m sure your girlfriend will not be much longer though?”

“No girlfriend. If I did, sitting next to a beautiful Swiss woman would likely get me into big trouble.” He murmurs, reaching for the back of the empty chair across from me. As he pulls it out, my brother comes hustling up next to us.

“Oh great! You did get my text about Timo joining us. I’m glad you found each other.” We both pause, connecting the pieces of who we are to each other. I would not have pegged him as a hockey player. He presents so different from the others I have interacted with over my brother’s playing career. “Timo, this is my older sister Emma.”

“Nice to meet you.” He murmurs as he shakes my hand. Our hands fit perfectly together in a polite shake. His fingers drag along every inch of my palm as he pulls his hand back, creating an electric jolt up my arm.

“Yeah…” I trail off, answering my brother. I gulp down a sip of wine. “He was easy to spot.” Nico grins as I stand, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. “Hi.” I haven’t seen Nico for a few weeks. He came home to Switzerland after his season ended, but was running off with all his friends with his new found freedom.

“I am glad you could make it. Mama and Papa are coming tomorrow?”

“Yes, it was the earliest they could get here. I was able to get on a flight from my conference in Berlin.” 

“Good. More time together.” I laugh, glancing at Timo who studies the menu across from me.

“Seemed you liked the way the last few weeks were.” I murmur. “Your big sister always coming in last.”

“I’m sorry.” Nico sighs regretfully.

“It’s okay. As per usual, your time is pulled in every single direction.” 

“Yes, but you’re important to me. I’ll do better.”

“Good! You can start by buying me dinner. You make the big bucks now!” 

“Yeah, you can buy mine too. You make 1st overall money. I’m slumming it down at 9.” Timo and I share a look, chuckling together at Nico’s red, embarrassed cheeks.

“With a flick of a pen, you instantly made more money than your sister has her entire career. You can buy my dinner.” I pile on.

“Stop.” Nico shakes his head with a shy smile. “I will buy you dinner because I love you and that’s it.” I shake my head, looking over at Timo.

“Nico always has to be so sweet to make me feel bad for teasing him.”

“You need to get meaner Nico.” Timo laughs. “Your sister is more intimidating than you.” I scoff at him, then smirk.

“Certified man eater.” I confirm. “You better be careful.” He sucks his cheeks in for a moment, scanning his eyes along my body. Then he shakes his head.

“I like a challenge.” He winks. I pause, recognizing his interest, sliding my gaze over to my little brother who seems to be contemplating between two entrees. I lick a drop of wine off my lips after taking a sip. Timo’s blue eyes stay there, then fall back down to the menu in front of me.

The rest of dinner, these small, wordless interactions happen. He brushes my hand while handing me back my filled water glass. We steal looks at each other whenever Nico isn’t looking. Most of the conversation is driven by us towards each other. Nico seems content to listen, happy to see us getting along so well after inviting a stranger to sibling bonding. I am thankful he did. Timo and I are vibing, conversing and joking like we have known each other for years, not less than two hours. 

Nico pays the bill, making a huge show of treating us with his black Amex. 

“Flaunting your wealth is tacky Nico.” I scold. He scoffs at me, waving me up out of my seat. I toss my arm around his shoulder, pulling him in for a forced hug. “I love you. Thank you.”

“I love you, buddy! Thank you!” Timo says too, coming in to the other side so Nico is sandwiched between us. I giggle hard, tilting my head back towards the dark sky while doing so. Timo’s hands grip my sides as we squeeze Nico harder. I fold my fingers over his arms too, feeling the soft material of his sweatshirt. When I open my eyes all I can see is Timo. His beautiful blue eyes sparkling with joy. His big smile and scrunched nose indicating how much fun he is having with us.

“I could use another drink.” I hear myself say to him directly. He nods immediately, releasing from our packed hug.

“We have a bar in our hotel. Are you staying there too?” Timo asks casually.

“Oh! Yes! Let’s go.” I exclaim. “Neeks?”

“Maybe. I’m tired, but I’ll see how I feel when we get there.” 

“Okay.” I shrug. No offense to Nico, but I wouldn’t be disappointed if he didn’t come.

“How are we feeling about the game tomorrow?” I ask the boys as we walk the cobblestone walk way. 

“Good. We’ll get it done.” Timo says confidently. Nico echos that though a yawn.

His yawning continues through our first round of drinks until he is almost falling asleep sitting up in his chair where we sit at a space in the bar, backing up to the lobby.

“Nico, just go to bed.” I chuckle.

“Yeah I am going to head there.” Nico sighs after a yawn. He looks over at me. “You too?” I bite my lip, shaking my head. 

“I’m not tired. I stay up late for a living.” Nico shrugs his shoulders. “Goodnight.” He stands up.

“Goodnight baby brother.” I tease him as he heads across the lobby to the elevators. “Sleepy good!” I take a sip of my wine, then settle my brown eyes on Timo who still watches with those interested eyes. “Are you tired?” I wonder.

“No.” He says then takes a sip of his drink. “A lot more interesting things are happening down here than in mine and Fiala’s room.” A shiver runs from the base of my neck down my spine pulling my chest tight with flattery. 

“You like to stay up late?”

“Mhm.” He answers around another sip of his drink. He licks at his top teeth afterwards, bringing my eyes back to his lips. “Kinda have to in this job. What do you do?”

“I own an event planning business.” 

“Oh fancy, Ms. Entrepreneur.” 

“I went to college and everything.”

“Impressive. Maybe I should hire you to run my charity golf tournament.”

“I could do that. But it depends.”

“On?”

“What happens between us tonight.” A slow and sexual grin rolls across his lips. He likes my boldness. My heart fluters excitedly in my chest. I love this part, getting gorgeous and powerful men to give into what has been brewing between us. “I have a strict line between business and pleasure. I’m sure you can understand that in your line of work.” Timo nods, looking lost in a previous mistake. 

“That is fair.” He tilts his head. A few teammates walk through the lobby, shouting a hello at Timo. He gives a brief wave, then focuses back on me.

“Any chance I could convince you to go somewhere private to discuss further your personal and professional qualifications?” There is nothing professional about his request.

“Where would you suggest?”

“Maybe your room?” I pretend to contemplate, leaning back in my chair while studying him with scrutiny. 

“What would we do there?” I ask him, dragging out the vowels in my words. I slowly run my tongue along my lips, gathering his attention there.

“You can tease me some more with that mouth.” 

Forward. Bold. Going in for the kill, just like I hoped. 

“Our drinks?” He pulls his wallet out, tossing cash onto the table. He stuffs his wallet in the back pocket of his jeans and stands. He holds his hand out for me. I stare at the warm, welcoming skin of his palm. I know what taking that hand means. I know this is dangerous territory, but Timo is a temporary teammate of my brother. It’s not like he is in New Jersey with him full time.

I slide my fingers gently into his hand, then clasp it as he lifts me into a standing position. He weaves our fingers together, palms cupping each other as we walk silently to the elevator. He pulls me in behind him, then turns expectantly at me.

“Four.” I tell him. He presses the button and the doors close. 

“You do this often?”

“Yeah. You?”

“Plenty.” His eyes drag ravenously from my face down my body. He nods in surprised appreciation. “I won’t tell you I love you after, if that’s what you’re worried about.” He chuckles. 

“You look harder to get than that. What are the rules?” He asks as he turns towards me. His hand drops mine, so he can pull my hips flush with his. My eyes flutter at what I feel. Big. Hard. Ready. 

“Wrap it up. Don’t you dare finish before me. No butt stuff. And…” I insist, stepping closer. “Nico never knows.” My foot goes between his, rubbing my thigh against his zipper. He exhales a little heavier, hinting at the desire building in his body. The elevator doors open and we step out. I lead the way, sliding the key through and pushing the door open. I walk in first again. He shuts the door behind us then crosses the slim space between us. He whips me around by my wrist, crowding my space immediately. My heartbeat skyrockets in dangerous and needy passion.

“Anything else?” He asks, sliding a hand to the side of my neck. He holds it tight, thumb stroking my cheek. His blue eyes are fierce, ready for whatever waits for us on the other side of my answer. 

“What are yours?”

“I don’t want anything serious. You understand that?” He strokes my cheek as he says it as if to soften the blow. He’s clearly had this conversation before with other women. He’ll figure out I’m not like them soon enough.

“Completely.”

“Are you on the pill?” 

“Yes.” I laugh. “Are we going to fuck now or keep playing 20 questions?” I slide my hand down to the button on his pants. He laughs too, pausing as he bites his bottom lip. 

“What are your thoughts on cuddling?”

“Hell no.”

“My kinda girl.” He whispers then closes the gap between our faces.

His lips on mine create an explosion that rocks me to my core. I exhale into his mouth in a moan. He runs his hand through my hair then down my body. It wraps around my waist and he lifts, practically tossing me up onto the hotel desk. The lamp shade rattles against the wall. His hands come to my shirt, lifting. Our lips part for a moment, then reconnect with tongues. Wetness pools in my panties, almost soaking them through. 

One of his hands comes up to my breast, squeezing it, then finding my nipple and thumbing it over my bra. I sigh happily into his mouth, then fist his shirt in my hand. His shirt joins mine on the floor, then I reach for the button on his pants. It snaps apart easily. I jerk his zipper down until it’s completely open. His cock is hot and seeping in his underwear. I pull back from his mouth, looking down as he unclasps my bra. The straps slack along my arms. He pulls them the rest of the way off, then takes me in. 

“Beautiful.” He mumbles, tugging my hips so I slide closer to him on the desk top. “So, so beautiful.” He repeats against the warm skin of my chest. His lips kiss down vertically, until he gets to a tight nipple. He makes eye contact with me as he sucks it into his mouth. His tongue strokes upwards too, making my jaw unhinge for a moment. “You had so much to say earlier, now you’re quiet? Gonna have to change that.” He whispers, then sucks my nipple deep into his mouth, working it over, sending darts of pleasure to my clit. It aches to be touched, missing out on his skilled mouth and fingers. 

“Oh.” I pant. He smirks into my breast.

My fingers find the waistband of his underwear, tugging it back from his skin so his cock rises to rest on his belly. His red tip is oozing down the edge of his head. I bite my lip, then my head knocks back into the lamp as his tongue strokes my other nipple into submission.

Fuck, this is incredible. He knows exactly what he is doing. When to push, when to pull away, how to tease and reward. He will be worth any future punishment. My hands shove at the waistbands of his bottom layers until they work down his strong hips. He steps out of them, grabbing a condom in his jean pocket, then kicks them off to the side. I lean back on one palm grinning. He lets me take him in, every delicious curve and edge of his muscular body made perfect from hockey and hard work. His big hands cup my breasts, rolling his thumbs over the stiff peaks in unison. 

“Oh that feels sooo good.” I moan appreciatively. I run my free hand through my hair. He watches my face, playing with me more until I am embarrassingly close to coming without him even being inside of me. “I need you to fill me up.”I demand breathlessly. He bites his lip.

“You’re so fucking sexy. You can tell me what to do all night, Emma.” 

“Just call me Em.” I laugh. “Emma is so formal.” 

“Whatever you want, babe.” 

He unbuttons my jeans, then pulls them off my legs. He admires my black, lace panties, seeing the creamy wetness pooling there just for him, then he works them off my body so we are both naked. He picks me up, setting me to the very edge of the desk, then he hands me the condom. I rip the package open with my teeth, gripping the tip, before easing it down his shaft. His eyes close and he sways slightly forward at my hands on him.

He crowds my space, our breath combining together, still smelling like the minimal alcohol we had tonight. One hand goes to my left hip, then the other goes to grip his shaft. He rolls his head through my folds, collecting my soaking juices before he nestles his head at my entrance. Together, we watch him disappear between my swollen lips. He lets out a shaky exhale. He grabs my wrists, putting them on his shoulders, then he lifts me slightly up off the desk, beginning to pump into my pussy. 

Tingling explosions burst out down my body. Gooseflesh covers my arms and legs as I take each hard thrust with enthusiastic greed. I kiss along his jaw, grinning at the way I jerk in his arms with each pump. He isn’t handling me like a fragile doll, he is fucking me just like I knew he would. Hard, fast, deep, showing he was built with power and strength for a reason.

“Fuck, Em, your pussy is so good.” He growls into my neck. The sound of skin slapping together increases, becoming disgustingly obvious in the room as he rocks hard into me. “So wet and tight.” He hisses through gritted teeth. My nose bumps into his jaw as I moan on his throat. He turns his face, capturing my lips then fucking up harder and faster into me. My whole body goes tight and rigid, then I fall into my orgasm. Timo fucks me through it, not wavering in his thrusts at all until I collapse onto his chest in surrender. He slows then, kissing my neck as he takes me to the bed. He lays me down, then work himself out of me. I look down at the condom, wondering if we are done.

“Your turn. Show me what you got, Hischier.” I laugh loudly. He sits down on the bed, then falls backwards. He takes my hand in one of his, fingers folding together, helping me maneuver to straddle his lap. I work my hair to one side, then reach behind me to grab his cock in my hand. He hums, then sighs happily as I swallow him whole in one press of my hips. Timo’s eyes literally roll back into his head as I start to move. His hands come behind his head fingers lacing together on the pillow below.

“That’s right. Just lay there princess.” I smirk, throwing my hips back on his cock. 

“Funny… gorgeous… talented… where has Nico been hiding you?”

“Practically under your nose.”

“Ah, that’s why I didn’t see it. It’s a little big.” I giggle, then set my hands on his shoulders, rolling my hips.

“Ooo. You know how to fuck.” He praises me. “So good….” He bites his lip, exhaling heavily. “Little more, gorgeous.” He encourages. I comply and he groans. “Mmmm.” His hands snap away from the back of his head. He grips my hips, feeling the roll of them on him. Then two fingers find my clit. I shutter. His other hand comes to my breast, pinching my nipple. “Fuck me until you cum.”  He whispers. I moan shakily, then keep bucking my hips down into him. When he senses I am about to release, he works his hips up in little thrusts to help me over the edge.

“Oh!” I cry out, pinching my other nipple.

He gently eases me down, pulling his feet up closer to his butt so his thighs create support for my back. I slump into them. I pant, looking at him on the pillow as he smirks. 

“Shit.” I hiss as he forces his cock up deep into me, lifting my weight with his hips like it’s nothing. 

“Doggy?” He asks, wiggling his large eyebrows. I nod eagerly.

I’ve never come so hard or had so much fun with a one night stand before. Usually, it’s awkward, bumping into each other and trying to find the right tempo. Not with Timo. It truly feels like we were made for each other. Gone is the insecure way I try to move my body so my partner can see the best angles. Usually, I stay away from doggy. But I am desperate to feel the hard slapping of his balls against my clit. 

We both stand. Timo kisses me, tongues flirting within my mouth. Our lips are puffy and red by the time we pull apart. He twists my hips, working his cock between my legs as I bend over in front of him. He lines his latex covered head with my entrance, then pulls me back on his dick. We both groan loudly this time, appreciating the stretch and arousal of each other. 

“Gonna be dreaming about this pussy tonight.” He groans, starting to buck his hips again. The delicious slapping has me deliriously groping the bed sheets. His thick cock crams into me thrust after thrust, feeling like he is rearranging my internal organs. A big hand comes to the back of my neck, forcing me down. I groan loudly, shrieking an inhale at how good this angle feels. 

“Please.” I hear myself beg.

“Please what, baby?”

“Please make me cum. Please. More. Um! That! Yeah!” I yelp out as his hips snap harder into me. My ass shakes with his powerful thrusts. I turn my face into the comforter, then scream hard into it as a powerful orgasm grips my core and turns me inside out. 

“Fuck… I’m gonna cum. Feels so fucking good when you cum.” I shake against his thighs as he finishes in the condom. His hand releases from the back of my neck. He grips the edge of the condom then works his way out of me. Wordlessly, he heads to the bathroom, striping himself and cleaning off. I collapse forward into the bed sheets, curling into the fetal position while my heavy breathing continues. Timo brings a towel back with him, tossing it to me. Afterwards, I throw it onto the floor while he lays back next to me in bed. 

“Good job.” I murmur, holding my hand up. He slaps it firmly, then sighs happily.

“That was amazing.” He turns to look at me when he says it. I nod, meeting his gaze. “Any chance you’re available for more of that this summer?”

“No strings?”

“No strings.” He agrees. 

“Then yeah. I’m available.” He chuckles. 

“We make a good team, tho. Damn.” He rubs a hand over his head. He turns his wrist, looking at the time on his expensive, silver watch. “I gotta go. It’s almost curfew.”

“Yeah, I want to go to sleep.” I admit, stretching out, pushing at his thigh under the covers to move him off the bed. He dramatically rolls off like I kicked him full on. I giggle as he rests his chin on the bed from the floor. His blue eyes soak me up. His hand comes up, poking at my left cheek.

“Your dimples are cute.”

“Thank you.” I murmur. 

“How long are you here?”

“Wanna see me again already?” He laughs.

“Yeah. Sex that great is rare. I want you again tomorrow.” Butterflies erupt in my stomach. I roll my bottom lip in my mouth, watching him pull his clothes back on. His last article is the Team Switzerland sweatshirt he zips up to the middle of his chest.

“Okay.” I agree. He smiles gently, then walks towards me. 

He kneels one knee on the bed, hovering over the body he wrecked tonight. He kisses me quick, then pulls away. He smells seductive and sultry, like his expensive cologne and me. 

“Sweet dreams.” He whispers.

“Goodnight.” I respond. He walks out of the room, closing the door softly during his exit.

I roll onto my back, staring up at the ceiling above me. The butterflies in my stomach expand up into my chest until it feels crammed full. I put my hand over my face, watching back the reel of the night against my black eyelids, ending with the mutual agreement of more. 

More this weekend. More even this off-season too. More, more, more because it will be months before I will have had my fill of him.

I’m not sure how we will make it all work. Sneaking around once is one thing, but doing it continuously is another.

I guess this planner is going to have to figure it out. 

Because It’s going to be a long, hot summer with Timo Meier.

More Timo and Emma can be found here.

[fleurhcss]

Hii, so I saw you take requests soo I guess here is one🫶🏻: lee know x fem reader who is a roommate of a former/or still employed coworker from jyp (like make ip artist or stylist) and the friend is still in touch with skz and they are really good friends still and reader gets to meet Minho and rest and Minho is like really enchanted (not that obvious, but visible to the members) and wants to know more about reader. Idk they hang out as a group a few times and he is like trying to leave hints that he likes her but she doesn‘t get it and is oblivious (even though she totally has a crush on him too…which he knows) so he gets like frustrated and asks her out eventually after a group activity and she is like…mE?! You could ask everyone and you ask ME?? Hahahah idk and then it‘s like a cute date or something…

Well I hope this sounds great, if not that is fine too, thanks for taking req and have a wonderful dayyy💕

♫₊˚.🎧 ✩｡☕ 🤎 HONEY SATURDAY NIGHT - Minho Imagine !

Your best friend and roommate was a sunny and friendly person, unlike you, and managed to maintain a firm friendship for years. It was amazing how she didn't care how long she hadn't seen a person, especially one she didn't like, she still managed to sneak into everyone's heart and make them love her, you were incredulous to see how many people she knew and asked out to dinner. You hadn't had that many friends since kindergarten, so much so that your only friend now was actually your flatmate, who was working and older than you while you were still a college student. You used to go out together in your spare time and watch her stop every ten steps and talk to everyone - hallucinating.

You could somehow understand her, as she had worked for many years at one of the biggest music companies: JYP Entertainment. And it was quite unexpected when one day you found her at the foot of your bed begging you to go to a group gathering with her. As fate would have it, it was with one of the most famous and successful bands: Stray Kids. You knew the band well - who didn't? Heejin had been their stylist and hairdresser for years, apparently enough to form a nice friendship bond that she wanted to pull you into. But she was well aware of your interactions on a social level. And you didn't want new friends, even if they were eight Adonis. Too bad no one could really resist Heejin. "Please, Y/N, I haven't seen them for a long time, they were so nice to ask me to come and invite a friend of mine because they were afraid I would feel uncomfortable since they are all male," she said with folded hands, begging you for the umpteenth time. "But look at you, how considerable! Too bad I don't care, and besides, if there are two of us, it won't change much," you told her, throwing a pillow at her.

"I'll buy you the latest Vivienne Westwood that you like so much if you go out with us." But unfortunately, as you had said, it was impossible to say no. Especially to a proposal like that, especially when you collected fashion items and your favourite was Vivienne herself. And so you had found yourself that Wednesday night preparing for this night out. Heejin had checked your wardrobe because, according to her, you had to be perfect in the eyes of the boys. You wondered why, especially since your best friend seemed to be planning a combo date. You looked like one of those debutantes who had to make a good impression on her way into society. She had bought you a little white St Gallen lace dress with balloon sleeves, paired with Camperos boots and a black leather jacket, and carried your usual handbag.

Standing in front of what looked like eight Adonis, you were struck by how much better they looked in person. But one in particular was particularly attractive and interesting in your eyes, even if he was very taciturn compared to the others - yes, these guys were always fooling around. What you did not know was that this same man was so enchanted by your beauty that he had to have his companions call out to him several times because he was staring at you too much. Strangely enough, you hadn't even tried too hard to interact with them, they had made you feel comfortable right away, and their sweetness towards you was endless, so much so that you struck up a friendship with Seungmin and Felix right away - the two of them were a strange duo, so sweet but almost devilish, especially Seungmin, who was always throwing strange spicy mixtures at Chan that he almost had to be beaten. What you did expect, however, was to become Minho's favourite prey. The way his friends described him, he was a real devil with feline features - more like a panther than a cat.

All this in an evening that lasted eight hours.

What you didn't expect was that you wouldn't go out with them several times and get on well with them, but that you would fall in love with Lee Minho. Yes, because after going out with them so many times in the last two months, you had become quite interested in the grey-haired guy and destiny wanted you to be his favourite prey. You were very close and he took every opportunity to tease you. Maybe that was what made you crazy about him. Not knowing that it was totally reciprocated from day one. Minho had a crush on you. Seriously - maybe you were a bit stupid - but you didn't take any of the hints he left you every time you went out with your friends. And he would say things about it, take advantage of every situation to sign with you, and you were the only one who didn't get it at all. He, on the other hand, was so curious that he always found a way to find out something new about you.

"Please Hyung invite her out, I can't stand all this tension every time we go out," Jeongin complained with a pout on his face. Minho laughed. "Seriously, how could she not see that you have a crush on her? Hannie figured it out too," Hyunjin said, clutching the arm of his best friend who made a fake offended face - he knew it was the truth. "Everything has its time guys, I want to tease her some more," the boy said, earning a dirty look from the rest of the group. On the other side, you lay despondently on your bed with your best friend, who was now tired of hearing your complaints about him. "But why don't you stop feeling sorry for yourself and just tell him that you like him like normal people do," Heejin said to you. But you were not normal and you were too afraid of the rejection that was so obvious in your eyes. "I'd ruin our friendship and therefore the group," you said, sinking your head into the pillow.

"I don't give a shit, I can't bear to see you in a state of self-pity. You're pathetic. And move that ass, we have to go out with the boys tonight" from bad to worse, you thought. Too bad you hadn't imagined that tonight, because of a stupid game suggested by Felix - who did everything in his power to get you and Minho together - you would find yourself locked in a room with Minho himself staring at you with his mega-brown eyes. "So, your idea is to keep silent and stare at me, or?" he asked you, making himself comfortable on the bed. You frowned at him and flanked him on the bed. Maybe Heejin was right and you needed to talk to him, this was a good opportunity. "Listen, I need to tell you something," you started and got his attention. He had his usual grin on his face, that slapping expression.

"Me too, will you go out with me?" her brain went into overdrive. What had he just said? You almost couldn't believe your ears. Was it a joke? It had to be. "So?" he asked again, expecting an answer. "Are you serious? I mean, you want to ask me out, just the two of us - a date?" you asked, still in shock. "Do you see anyone else in this room by any chance?" he asked in his usual sarcastic tone. "Really?" you asked again. "Really, Y/N," he said, giving you a shove. "Sure...I just wanted to tell you that...in short, I like you," you lowered your head. He raised it with his forefinger, then planted his lips on yours in a kiss that made your head spin. "Finally, I thought you'd never tell me," he chuckled. "What? You knew?" you asked in shock - what a fool you had been. "Yes, I just thought you'd be more awake, that you wouldn't notice my signals," she laughed, "Oh come on, was he teasing you? "Signals?" "Yes, signals, I've liked you for two months."

You really had been an idiot.

Your crush had always been sending you signals and you hadn't been able to pick them up - who knows how long you would have been together if you had... .... Now it's time to redeem yourself. At least as much as you can. "Ah, um. Well, you know, I'm looking forward to going out with you," you said shyly to your boyfriend? You still didn't know what you were. "Perfect, that's pretty much reciprocated. I'll pick you up on Saturday and we'll go camping for our first official date. Make sure you bring everything. I'll be there around ten in the morning. And to clarify your thoughts I have read so far...yes, you are my girlfriend now," he said, stealing another kiss from you and then sneering back at your friends. When Heejin saw you he knew immediately what had just happened and you laughed heartily.

The evening, like the week, flew by and you and Minho were in his sports car, ready to go camping. His hand was caressing your bare thigh and your mind was flickering all over the place. He was singing along to the songs on the radio and you just looked at him and smiled, thinking how lucky you were to have a man like that by your side. Who wouldn't want a Lee Minho to be their boyfriend - this boy was a dream on earth. When he turned to look at you, you always blushed like an idiot because he would catch you, but it was impossible not to, given the look he gave you every time. When you arrived at the campsite you smiled like a fool, you looked like you were on your honeymoon. He took you like a bride and carried you inside, into the bedroom of your tent. You pulled him to you, kissed him gently and nibbled on his lower lip, which turned cherry red each time.

"Princess, I have to get the things in the car, the food is in there too, you don't want it to go bad, do you?" he tickled you and then walked away to arrange your things in the tent, as if he was used to all this, and from there your mind began to wander a little too much. You imagined what he was like as a husband, surely perfect as he cooked for you or entertained your children. At that thought you couldn't help but smile and think what it would be like to make love to him day and night, to feel him close to your body - skin against skin, cold against heat. "You know I love coming here, I always come here when I want to be alone and I'm too stressed. But today I'm sharing it with you, because you're my favourite person," he chuckled, hugging you, throwing himself on top of you. "More than Jisung?" you giggled, knowing what a soft spot Minho had for that little squirrel - after all, everyone had a soft spot for Jisung, that guy was sweetness personified as well as being extremely adorable. "I should think about it," he said laughing, and you pretended to be offended and threw a pillow over him, straddling him and filling him with kisses.

"You're beautiful, do you know that?" he smiled, then began to kiss your neck slowly, but there was no malice in it. "Never as much as you, mister," you smiled, ruffling his hair - Minho was gorgeous, you could feel the warmth emanating from his body as it clung to yours in a gentle embrace. You had never been good at relationships, nor had you had ideal partners, but it was as if all the forces of nature had been concentrated to give you Minho. The boy had just the right amount of sweetness, sympathy and kindness, and you could go on like that for a long time. The only thing that was serious and overwhelming about him was his beauty, Minho seemed to have been sculpted by the gods.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, waking you from the trance-like state you had fallen into. "I was thinking about you, I'm wondering if this isn't all a dream, ready to disappear when I open my eyes," you confided, seeing him staring at you as if thinking about something. "I have a way of letting you know it's real, sit down and wait for me here," he told you, disappearing from the tent and returning with a small bag. "Open it, it's for you," he said as he stood next to you. You opened the bag and then your smile widened as the gift appeared before your eyes, you looked at it almost in disbelief. "It's the same as my bracelet, I wanted to give you something special that we could share together," he smiled, you were almost speechless and motioned for him to help you put on a small necklace with a blue pendant, it was a lapis lazuli. "It's wonderful!" you cried and then catapulted yourself onto him and began to plant sweet kisses on his lips.

Kisses that became deeper, more mischievous. You wanted to make love to him all day long.

This did not displease the older man, who worshipped your body by filling it with kisses and caresses, you only stopped to eat and to feel Minho's hands on your naked skin had driven you as crazy as your hands on his chest had driven him crazy. It was late in the evening by the time you really stopped, too tired and sticky - you took a bath before going to bed. The older's hands ran through your wet locks as you listened to his heartbeat through his chest.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

⋆.˚

a/n : i hope u will like it!! i love sweet minho as a boyfriend 🩷🩷 I opened a ko-fi account, i will post there some stories and drawings, if you want to support me i will be grateful to anyone who wants to give me tips, ITS NOT OBLIGATORY

TAGLIST 🎀 : @yongbokkiesworld @gloomy-k @raindropsondragons @linocvp1d @iiamthedramaa @snowyquokka @pynchkilledme @y4kie @ihrtlix @hyunjinnnsgirl @sugarsweetsugarsweet @reader1221 @bubblebisk

[khodorkovskaya]

09.01.23

on my way home now. i was surprised that my parents suggested i take the train bc like since when are we millionaires lol trains are so expensive! but turned out they forgot that train tickets were expensive and were v shocked to find out. but it was all so last minute so i ended up taking the train anyway. it was 80 bucks! like dude!

anyway ive been obsessed with the idea of having a swiss german boyfriend. i feel like that would fix me.

i feel like the issue with me and B wasn't that we were different. on the contrary, we're too similar. and we can't give the other what we really need i.e. stability, normality, sanity… we always dreamt about having a family and a house in the country side and kids who are normal and do team sports and go to music school and we're this regular family with family values. but it doesn't happen with people like us. i mean look at us. my dad's an alcoholic. when i was a teenager i had convinced myself that regular relationships weren't for me oh no no no i had to go to clubs underage and get groped by perverts. and then date a guy 10 years my senior and cry myself to sleep every night convincing myself that it was love. and B wasn't any better. his family was torn apart by war. and then he didn't want to date anyone normal either. he would pick up girls on the train and then had a long distance relationship with a girl in turkey whose dad had just died.

normal people, like andre, like a bunch of my other friends, whose parents never divorced, who grew up with family values, they have normal lives. they date and hold hands in highschool, they get into relationships with their classmates in uni. and then they get married and have kids and buy a house in the countryside just like their parents had done. it's all a cycle. and for B and i that kind of scenario would be unattainable.

it's like both of us are in wheelchairs and we want to teach our children how to walk, you know what im saying. meanwhile if we find partners who can walk i.e. partners who grew up normal, we can achieve our respective dreams of a house in the countryside and normality. and that's what we need. not going to the balkans to visit my dad who walks around with a bottle of slivovica in one hand and a baby (that he had at 55 with his alcoholic wife who kept drinking thoughout pregnancy) in the other. and then being like ahh shit do we go on the muslim hill or the orthodox hill. like no. we need to find peace and not continue this whole délire. bc if we did stay together and had a family we would've raised children who were just like us, frustrated and not knowing their place in the world.

so yeah im gonna get a normal swiss german boyfriend and have a normal life. and try not to get obsessed with the dysfunctionality of my family like i had been before. bc sure it's fun and entertaining, but it's not mature, it's not what i need.

and i feel bad for B bc he thought that i was the normal one. he'd tell me that he was so happy that i was a balanced person and that i was well raised. and sure, that's the vibes i give off i guess. and plus he projected a lot of things onto me and didn't see how dysfunctional i really was. he needs someone who is truly normal, just like i need the swiss german boyfriend. someone who has values and who knows how a family is supposed to function, not me who's just doing guesswork.

so my plan is: finish uni, work on the family business, do a masters degree in like business or something, meet a swiss german guy at like 27-28 and then have kids after 30 and try to be as normal as possible. and then i'll move to like zurich or luzern or zug or something. and raise my kids there and drive a bmw, vw or audi like all of them do. and my kids will go to a regular public school in the area and do sports and then go to uni in st gallen and work at a bank. and we'll all be happy and normal. and my husband and i will go to the hotsprings on holiday. and i'll think about B and my dad and the balkans and cringe at how bad it was.

[kunivcrse]

chenji // random lines

500 days of summer (2009)

lifetime (2020)

meet me in st. gallen (2018)

[coffeecrumbleoverloadmatcha]

one day and meet me at st gallen would be my best ones. grabeeeeeee yung mga movie na yun, di gaanong malakas impact nya, as well as sa cinematography but the plot is plotting

[pelikulangbabae]

“Meet Me in St. Gallen”

Released in 2018. Directed by Irene Villamor.

“Binago mo ang buhay mo, babaguhin ko rin ang buhay ko?”

Celeste, a contemplative and enigmatic woman, radiates a profound sense of melancholy and depth. Renowned for her intellectual acuity, artistic flair, and expressive emotions, she possesses an intriguing allure that captivates others. Her emotional journey unfolds through her interactions with Jesse. Their chance encounter sparks a gradually evolving bond, leading to a series of conversations that delve into love, serendipity, and the intricate dynamics of relationships. Celeste's portrayal illuminates the inner turmoil experienced by those who shield their hearts and fear vulnerability. She embodies the conflict between rationality and emotions while navigating the complexities of love and the fear of emotional wounds. Celeste's character prompts introspection and resonates with individuals who have grappled with similar dilemmas in matters of the heart. In essence, Celeste Francisco emerges as a captivating and enigmatic figure, encapsulating the essence of human emotions and the complexities of love.

[fanboyscribbles]

#KitaKita. Tonight's film pick isn't really new, but it is something I keep close to my heart because of Japan and because it sparked a new era of Filipino romcoms for me. Story time! Prior to Kita Kita in 2017, That Thing Called Tadhana introduced a new way for me to appreciate Pinoy romcoms. Back then, my top local romcoms were One More Chance, My Amnesia Girl, Starting Over Again, and It Takes a Man and a Woman. That Thing Called Tadhana was an unconventional take on a romcom. It was raw, indie, and felt more relatable. It was different, and I welcomed different. I embraced it. When Kita Kita came out, it took me by surprise and left a great impression. Since then, many more local romcom titles came out and slowly, my list started changing. On the top of my head, among the titles that dominate my list now are Meet Me in St. Gallen, I'm Drunk, I Love You, Exes Baggage, Isa Pa With Feelings, and of course, Kita Kita and That Thing Called Tadhana. Watching Kita Kita again made me realize why it changed. It's because they didn't have to be so in your face. They had an indie feel, were quite unconventional, and weren't too over the top with the drama. The script was simple, the storytelling was exceptional, but most of all, the soundtracks were perfect. It's nice to watch stories that don't try too hard to draw out emotions from you. They just let you watch, experience, and feel things. And I really felt things. And that's it. Kita Kita was where it started for me and I look forward to more local romcoms for the experience and the feels. Got romcom recos? Let's hear it! P.S. JC Santos' films aren't here because they don't sit well with me. Something was always off like the script, characters, or the storytelling itself. I apologize. https://www.instagram.com/p/CnMoBeQIuuf/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[herbluesky20]

I miss how destiny turns to reality. I'm always be a big fan of tragic love story. I know it hurts coz I've been there, but still it makes you realize how those small things can change your life. A long life process to make us better and grow in our own.

(Rewatching Meet me at St. Gallen)

[patheticwithanem]

Move-mber

Golden - Harry Styles

Good Day Sunshine - Haley Reinhart

Older Than I Am - Lennon Stella

Blueberry Eyes (feat. SUGA of BTS) - MAX, SUGA

Backyard Boy (with Jeremy Zucker) - Claire Rosinkranz, Jeremy Zucker

In a Stranger’s Arms - LEON

free love - dream edit - HONNE

Like It’s Christmas - Jonas Brothers

The Morning After - Jem Cubil & Andrea Babierra

Supalonely - BENEE, Gus Dapperton

Lonely (with benny blanco) - Justin Bieber, lenny blanco

Good Kisser - Lake Street Divebill

wish you were gay - Billie Eilish

Call Out My Name - A Capella - The Weeknd

Wicked Game - Grace Carter

Dancing on my own - Filip Nordin

i’m lonely - Luz

Kailangan Kita - Troy Laureta, Pia Toscano

Stay - Gracie Abrams

Ride Home - Ben&Ben

Tulog Na Mahal Ko - Jai., Soundbay Recording Studio

Bigger - Duet Version - Stan Walker, Parson James

Forgive Myself - Sam Smith

Grown Up Christmas List - Jonny Brenns

my future - Billie Eilish

Life Goes On - BTS

[damnemssss]

“Maybe I’m not your muse. ‘di mo naisip yon?” - Celeste Francisco  “But you are my sunshine...” - Jesse Abaya

Meet Me in St.Gallen 

[cocomoraine]

Meet Me At Chernobyl (And At St.Petersburg)

This is the result of me ignoring my studies, then watched a romance film, and got ideas.

Here’s a little drabble, and I’ve got to stop getting fic ideas from everyday things I see, hear, smell, eat, and feel, damn, I need to study. This is a short thing, just a mess of thoughts put up by me, so I may not be posting this to A03, because, yup reasons. Unless, you guys think I should? I also used tons of liberties from the ideas generated by the lovely and amazing people at the discord of hell, so thank you sm guys!

Rating: probably just Gen. Just watch out for some internalized homophobia, and talks about death. Otherwise, it's all romantic movie tropes. Unbeta’ed because this is a spur of the moment reaction.  WARNING. IT'S SO EFFING LONG OMG. (3k words, I am at disbelief with my self sometimes)

Here y’all go.

Meet Me At Chernobyl (And At St. Petersburg)

1956 (Moscow)

Valery Legasov turned towards the warm coffee shop, intent on just ordering one black coffee to satisfy the employee, and prevent him from getting kicked out so he can organize his papers in peace.

Kurchatov Institute may want him, but he has to prove himself in order to officially get in. If he will not be able to pass this paper in time, with the correct answers, he might officially ruin his chance to step inside Kurchatov.

Settling in at a table near the window, Valery instantly bent down to finish his work. He didn’t notice the door of the small coffee shop he just found at random open to admit a middle-aged man, wearing a dark coat and gloves, face covered by the hat he is wearing.

Valery is within his own world, that he didn’t notice the newcomer coming towards his table.

A deep voice resounded above him. “I don’t usually deliver other people’s orders, but the coffee is so strong it would be such a waste not to give it to you.”

Valery’s head shot up. 

The man, late thirties, has removed his hat, and now holding out a cup of black coffee towards him.

Valery’s jawed dropped. He stammered out excuses. “Oh god, I truly apologize, I have forgotten about that, it just I am so preoccupied with these papers I have to finish so I can…”

“Take the goddamn cup, will you.”

Valery instantly stopped talking, and took it. Placing it at the far end of the table, away from his precious papers. He blushed, refusing to meet the stranger’s eyes.

“I apologize, please, don’t let me be on your way, I just--”

Valery shuffled his papers again. He looked at the man.

“Did I?”

“You at least managed to pay for it before just sitting out here, expecting for the worker himself to serve it to you. You really are taking advantage of the working class--”

“Again, I didn’t mean to.” Valery looked for the man on the register. He waved and raised his voice. “Keep the change!”

The man nodded. The other man in front of him smiled, albeit little.

Valery took a good look at him. Politician. He might be older than me, but he still looks good, for his age. 

“It’s rude to stare.”

Valery blushed. 

“At least invite me to your table first.”

“What?”

The stranger looked at him, then pretty much seated himself at the table. Valery was shocked.

“Kurchatov?”

Valery was having a whiplash with everything that has happened, he can only nod mutely as an answer to the question.

“Are you a little young to be working there?”

“I am not. I mean, I am not working there, yet.”

“You are trying to get in? Impressive, especially for a man of your age.”

Valery looked at the man. There are no hint of ridicule or judgment in his eyes, only open curiosity and a little bit of awe.

“Shcherbina.”

He extended his hand towards Valery. Valery could only stare at it for a few seconds.

He swallowed. Stop being so rude, Valery. Appreciate this good looking stranger getting to know you.

“Legasov.”

“Tell me your whole name, after I place my order.”

The man stood, but Valery knows he will be back.

***

“How come I already told you mine, but you still haven’t said yours?”

The stranger’s smile fallen off his face. Valery was afraid he might have offended the man, then, he would sentence him to death by a thousand shots he is an apparatchik for god’s sakes, well, by the looks of it, but he spoke.

“Boris. Boris Shcherbina.”

“Well, Boris,” the way his name feels on his lips, “What else do you think we can talk about?”

***

They talked for almost 2 hours, Valery nearly finishing his paper, when Boris stood, take a look at his watch, and smiled ruefully.

“I have to be off. Things would go to shit down there if I stayed out longer, though I deserve it for putting up with a lot of them.”

Valery was writing the final equation, then looked up at him. 

“What it is that you do, really?”

Boris smiled.

“You are a smart man, Legasov. You can figure it out. Till next time.”

The man put on his hat, and walked out of the coffee shop.

Valery’s eyes followed him until he disappeared into the streets. He took a look at his own watch. 7 pm.

I was only supposed to be here for just 30 mins. 

He never saw Boris again.

1966 (Kurchatov Institute of Atomic Energy)

Valery wanted nothing more but to go home and rest, but his superior said he needed to stay, especially that some Career Party men have made their way to this event, and of course, to make sure they are on the good side of the Party, so that they will provide them the budget they need for future projects, which are all good in Valery’s opinion.

But socializing for a whole night is not made for him. 

He was quietly listening to whatever his superior said to the apparatchik I forgot his name already, when someone at his back bumped him, nearly making me spill the vodka into his superior’s clothes. 

Luckily, a steady hand braced the movement, avoiding the disaster. 

“You need to pay more attention to yourself, Comrade Legasov.”

That voice. 

“Comrade Shcherbina?”

“I am flattered you still remembered me.”

Valery ducked his head to avoid the piercing gaze both from his superior and from Boris. He adjusted his glasses.

“Memory served me quite well, despite all the work here at the Institute.”

Boris smiled. One of the apparatchiks engaged in an earlier conversation with Valery’s superior asked, “You two seems to have been acquainted. How did you meet?”

Valery was frozen, he didn’t know how to phrase his chance meeting with this man that has never left his head since last time into a more polite, and something free from insinuations, but luckily for him, Boris took the wheel.

“I just passed by him here at Kurchatov during one of my earlier visits. He does have a reputation here, so clearly, a name you cannot easily displace.”

The warmth emanating from Boris felt like a welcoming gratitude for Valery.

***

“How have you been?”

“Don’t play that game, Boris. It doesn’t suit you.”

They were talking, some semblance of being alone, at the outskirts of the function hall.

“You and all career Party men at least have an idea of almost every project done here at Kurchatov. And we are trying our best to please you all, so the support will keep on coming.”

“Kurchatov has been good to you, Valery, it seems. Looks like a road to directorship not far from here.”

“Nonsense. It will be a long time for such a daunting task.”

They looked at each other, some intensity and unlabeled emotion dancing around their eyes. Was it always been there? Since that chance meeting at a coffee shop?

Valery dropped the gaze first. He can’t do this. Not now. Not here. It’s wrong. His eyes immediately get caught around the golden band in Boris’s left hand. His brain short-circuited.

“I suppose, congratulations are in order?”

Valery sounded hollow even to his own ears. How is this even possible, it cannot be.

Boris followed Valery’s gaze. His face immediately became a mixture of forced happiness, and politeness. “Yes. I’ve married her last June. We’ve been together for almost three years, before tying the knot.”

Three years. Including that time I met you.

“Congratulations, Boris.”

Valery walked away, taking a large gulp of vodka, intent on leaving the institute, and go home, to sort whatever mess of thoughts his brain is concocting on him now. 

Valery didn’t see the faraway look Boris gave to him as he watched him walk away.

April 26, 1986

Valery was awoken to the sound of his telephone ringing.

He never knew that his life will never be the same again after that phone call.

“Professor Legasov?”

It cannot be.

“Yes, speaking.”

“Professor Legasov, no time for pleasantries. There has been an accident at Chernobyl.”

1986 (Chernobyl)

They eventually found the time to talk about the two of them, in the middle of a radiation poisoned land, in the middle of both a political and international crisis, in the middle of them arguing, politics versus science, in the middle of sentencing thousands of men to their deaths, in the middle of conspiracies and buried truths, in the middle of a tragedy.

Valery Legasov gave all of the time, energy, knowledge, expertise, his life, to fix Chernobyl. Boris by his side, his rock, his friend, is he stopping there. Being his friend.

Boris Shcherbina gave everything he had, the power, the influence, all the men, equipment, lunar rovers, anything Valery needed. Valery always by his side, the voice of reason, of salvation, his friend, is he stopping there. Being his friend.

Valery has no one he can fully call his friends. Except maybe for Ulana, a woman stronger than him in more ways than one, and Boris. His Boris.

“Valera.”

The moment he called him that, Valery couldn't take it anymore. Whatever thing he held for the man in front of him now, it finally made sense, when he told him they would be dead in five years, he understood. 

He noticed, he never saw the gold band in Boris’ left hand since they arrived at Chernobyl.

***

Boris wanted nothing more but to finally put a label to what he feels for the man he met at a random coffee shop in Moscow. But they are now in the middle of a disaster larger than both of them.

It shouldn’t be the place for something called love to bloom.

Yet in the radioactive wasteland Chernobyl has become, the seed was planted. And it grew.

***

Boris and Valery kissed, silently, desperately, tearfully, inside Valery’s room in the hotel. They never asked about the absence of the gold band in Boris’ left hand, or how long did you felt this way?

They never asked questions about it. For they are both afraid of the answers it brings.

***

“To hell with our lives.”

Valery and Boris were brought together by invisible forces. Twice. But now, they were brought together by the system. And now, Boris will lose Valery Legasov through it.

The truth indeed hurts more, it will forever hurt their love and both of them.

***

In the middle of a sunny, abandoned park in Chernobyl’s Exclusion Zone, Valery told Boris that he was the man who mattered the most. Boris tried to fight for whatever they have. To keep this last piece of heaven and goodness he had found. That they both found. 

Realism is something Boris should’ve had since being a career Party man. He prided himself for being the voice of reason and realism to Valery ever since the start, but now, he was willing to abandon it all for what he and Valery found. What he and Valery shared. He was willing to throw it all away for them, for this.

But sooner, Boris will discover, in the most painful way as possible, that whatever he was willing to give up for them, Valery also did the same.

Twice the value over. 

“Maybe we are just meant to go by one another. Always a passerby. That is what we are. Lovers in passing. Never stayed. Never truly left.”

(St. Petersburg)

The starkness of the snow falling into Valery’s face brings out the cold, but he welcomed it. The cool air around calms him and his nerves.

For the first time in a while, Valery felt calm, his breath sending up smoke into the air. He was watching the snow fall from the sky, then turned to look at his surroundings.

The people around were mostly minimal. They all go on their ways, as if all of them had a destination, unlike him. Valery is mostly here to look around, enjoy the sights, and the weather.

He felt, peace.

He suddenly bumped into a tall man, wearing a dark coat. Just by seeing the back of the man’s head, he knows, ohmygod, it can’t, how?

Boris turned, the initial shock and a little bit of annoyance vanishing in his face the moment their eyes met.

And somehow, despite the snow falling into them, the warmth came back full force, unstoppable.

***

“The city just looks wonderful this time of the year, isn’t it? I find it kind of surprising that not a lot of people are outdoors.” Valery mused aloud. One thing he learned from Boris is that, the man will listen to him no matter what thoughts he voiced out. He may not agree with all of it, but he will listen. No wonder I was so captivated by him even the first time I met him.

“Well, not all people can survive walking around in this cold weather.” Boris smiled, it made his face years younger. The effects and shadows of radiation, gone, from his face. Valery tried to estimate the state of Boris’ health just by looking at him. All the past shadows that bought him and this man down, seemed faded and not present in this time, as they walk around the city.

“It’s not that cold” Valery raised an eyebrow.

Boris turned to him, judging from his eyes, he is also looking straight into Valery, calculating or seeing the changes brought on by radiation to the scientist. But like himself, Boris could find close to nothing. 

“It’s snowing, and it looks like it will continue on for a few more hours.” He held his arm out to Valery. It might be cold, but he knows Valera, he would continue on exploring, until all of his curiosities are satiated. 

“Shall we?”

Valery held into Boris’ arm. People be damned. Let me have this. Let us have this.

Valery smiled. “It's not that cold, really.”

***

They walked and talked, all those things they can think of, sooner or later, the topic goes to the territory they tried to avoid back then, but now, it seems there is no running away from it.

“Did you ever find peace doing it, Valera?”

Valery smiled, never met Boris’ eyes. “I know they will do their best.”

Boris stopped walking and turned to him. “Valera,”

“What has happened, will stay that way, Borja. The only thing we can do is to go on.”

“Do you still believe we are just meant to be in passing?”

Valery suddenly felt cold, despite walking around the snow-laden city for almost an hour now, he never felt the chill. But now, it's there. 

“What happened to her?”

They both know what ‘her’ meant.

Boris looked far into the horizon, the snow, and trees around them. “She stopped loving me the moment she married me. Ironic isn’t it?”

Valery’s face remained impassive.

“She told me it’s because I have changed, since that day I was assigned to the Kremlin. When I came home, after going to a random coffee shop my secretary said to me, just because I wanted to get myself coffee on my own for the first time. I changed that day, and she said I never became the same again. She married me because it was expected of us, and she wanted to protect me. At first, I balked at the idea. But all she wanted at the end of the day was the best for me. We became friends, but sooner, the work just drifted us away. She filed for divorce the day I was sent to Chernobyl.”

“I’m, forgive me, I’m sorry, Borja.”

“Don’t be, at least, now I’ve relieved you of the burden.”

They turned to one another, eyes meeting, the unspoken emotion flowing. “You don’t need to burden yourself, Valera, because this time, we are free, and we have each other.”

“Do you think it would be easy, Borja? That just because she left you, that things would be back to the way they were? We are broken men, we have seen too much, done too much. We will never go back to the way we were once then. Maybe that is the reason why we always just pass each other by, never staying, never truly leaving.”

Boris took one of Valery’s hands. It felt warm, despite the gloves covering it. Warm. Solid. Alive. As it could be.

“There is no such thing as going back to the way we were back then. You said it yourself, Valera, what has happened, will stay that way. The only thing we can do is to go on.”

We are here, and we have this place, we have each other. For me, that is enough. I can only hope that for you, it will be also.”

Valery looked at Boris. Nowhere to hide. Nowhere to go. But there is no other place I would rather be.

He buried his face into the crook of Boris’ neck. We could have this. We could have each other. Maybe it’s more than enough. Maybe, we can be more than passersby this time. Maybe this time, we can both stay and never leave.

 “It is, Borja. It is enough.”

***

If you catch my eye across a crowded room

I'll fall into the atmosphere surrounding you

If you pull me close just to disappear

The chances are I'd wait for you a thousand years

If you light the fuse you know that I'll react

If you wrap us in your love just to take it back

You could hurt somebody like that

© Hurt, Lady Antebellum

[vodeaare]

Looks like no leaving the house for me till April.

[kunivcrse]

wjh // random lines

meet me in st. gallen (2018)

portrait of a lady on fire (2019)

portrait of a lady on fire (2019)

[notyourusualgoldengirl]

Meet Me in St. Gallen (2018)

Had me in tears regardless on how kalat this movie is.