#meditation doesn’t seem to do anything but i like to do it anyway lol

[itstimeforstarwars]

For 2023 I’m getting back into my routines that I gave up on in 2022 and it’s genuinely improving my life which pisses me off.

[solar4seekstron]

IDW!Kup x Cybertronian!Decepticon!GN!Reader Oneshot: Sparkmates

Content: 18+. You and Kup are couple goals. Before and during the war.

TW/Tags: Angst, wholesome moments, (Heavily) implied sex, (fake) death, blood, Kup is my robot husband I was living my dream writing this ok sue me, mild cursing, war, Deadlock is an asshole, Super long chapter. I believe that’s all?? (I changed a bit of lore- sort of to fit the story. I hope you guys can still enjoy!!!!!

Long, long before the war. You were a warrior you trained in mastery of swords. Although you also know how to use guns.

You also knew how to use swords. That being one of your main weapons besides your blasters. You have been around for a good while. Known by many to always have a smile on your dermas and narrowed optics to give you a softer look with your yellow optics.

You were a pretty tall bot as well. Being only a few inches shorter then Kup.

Understanding and mastering most weapons. Guns or not. Even at times working with making guns alongside bots like Hound. You were a pretty strong bot. Having a well built frame and a few small features.

Both being agile but strong. Not too bulky as you had a sort of knight look at some parts of your frame. (Almost like Rodimus in Animated. Just imagine that frame in IDW).

Before the war. You were once known for working along side your Sire Yoketron as he trains younger bots to protect theirselves.

One day when visiting Hound. You met him…Kup.

And boy were things different since then for the both of you. At the time he wasn’t an old bot who smoked and grumbled over everything as he worked under Optimus. He was a lot younger of course. His winkles having no existence at the time as he had a lot more life in him. Well that’s a lot more visible. (Think like a stereotypical hot college guy lol)

You two would eventually start chatting and before you both knew it. You both bonded. After Kup spent some time winning your Sire over for approval.

You always encouraging him to keep going forward and to show your sire his determination.

You two would then learn to except each others interest more and points of views over time. Then…on one faithful day….

He popped the question. Your courtship starting and before you knew it. You both were bonded.

But like most good things. It must come to an end.……

One day when in his apartment. Kup was going to ask you to join him and the Autobots. But when you returned speaking of your point of view with the decepticons. You two realized. You both were on a different path.

It was heartbreaking. But you both agreed to not hurt each other if you both can help it if your paths should ever cross….

You both couldn’t hold in your tears that night as you both left for war.

And so years went by. Before you knew it, its been millions of years. You were able to age slower thanks to the meditation and calmness of your nature. Not to mention how well you took care of yourself when not training and in battle.…

At times at least. Many decepticons throughout the years have tried to win your heart as you don’t seem older as most would expect you to be. Not to mention you skill and strong yet soft personality. Always having stories to tell.

Something that catches many by surprise. And the way you handle things even is also part of why other bots and femmes grow feelings for you. But you always end up as almost like a carrier, mentor, or sire to some bots anyway.

Overtime, although you won’t admit it. There’s one thing you do often look forward to when out on missions with other bots and femmes..

Is the possibility of running into Kups team. The Weckers.

You and Kup both made sure that no other Cybertronians knew about your relationship with each other long ago. But that doesn’t mean anything was still easier for the both of you. While you two would exchange looks. You two will never admit this now.

But you both always held back when trying to shoot at each other.

Luckily something Megatron will never find out. After all Megatron had no reason to not trust you. You’re one of his strongest worriors and one of the trusted advisors in his council. In both guns and swords.

Hand in hand combat as you were one of the bots who taught him to continue to be stronger.

Everything stayed like that since. Kup would lead and teach the bots under him and with him. Perceptor being the only one to know the relationship the two of you had.

One day though everything would change for the two of you. Unser if it’s for the better…or for the worse.

———————————————————————————

Kup and a few of the other wreckers were on their usual patrol. Keeping an optic out for any decepticons from coming near the base. After some time the wreckers started making conversation and well…Kup has always stayed secretive with some things. Even as the others knew something was always up when speaking about relationships.

As they continue, you and your group were heading to their location to find some energon. This group always taking you with them as back up.

Deadlock being one of the bots. You and him always got along. But nothing really in common. Despite the comments many would make and assume about you two.

Many assuming you both would become a couple because “Swords” and both having a sort of understanding with peace. But the truth was.

Most Decepticons at your area at least. But you two… Could give less of a shit about each other.

As you all made your way to your designated location in your alt modes. One of the femmes say they should transform and look around once set up.

Having the 2 snipers look for any camp as the others watch around to protect.

You and Deadlock up front and watching.

Both having one arm down as the other bent and the cervo on a sword handle. You and Deadlock both doing this but with opposite cervos. Standing far from the snipers as the others started working on their weapons.

“You sure this gun blaster with work Y/N?” A femme asks you as she kneels down next to you. You glancing down at her as you let out a sigh.

But not in annoyance. You’d not then speak without looking at the bot.

”I designed it didn’t I. You can trust with promise it works.” Deadlock side eyed you before looking forward for a moment. The bot huffed as the femme got the weapon ready before sitting down with it.

The femme from earlier walking into the open land searching for life and energon. Becoming bate for any possible autobot.

Luckily she’s fast so killing her will be hard.

Back with Kup and his gang one of the bots sees the decepticon. Another fight soon insues. You and Deadlock soon getting involved as you both ran together into battle.

During the long fight it was you against Springer who made sure to insult and in his way flirt with you every now and then.

Meanwhile Deadlock took on Kup.

Deadlock was able to get a good upper hand. Even insulting Kup for his age when he can. Despite being aware you were around the same age as him.

With you and Springer the fight was just as intense.

As you two fought. You mostly were in hand in hand combat. Showing his boxing skills no match for your martial arts.

But because you both were on higher ground. You both ended up falling down a steep and long hill.

Falling into tree of an unknown planet (not earth). Springer dragging you along as he try’s to get into a few good punches.l

As you both fell to the ground. You two now seperated by the others. You’d make your way to pin Springer down. Getting ontop of him and holding him down as he struggles against you.

—-

Meanwhile with Kup. He wasn’t having much of a good time either. Deadlock being able to get an upper hand.

Stabbing his sword into and through Kups leg before then twisting it in for good measures. Causing Kup to groan and scream as he lays there. Doing the same thing to his arm on the other side of his body. Both his upper arm and upper thigh now injured as he groans and looks at Deadlock. Deadlock just casually cleaning his swords before looking down at him.

”Sweet dreams…..you old brute.”

From there he walked away. Leaving Kup there as he bleeds out.

Back with you and springer he was able to get you off him…eventually. After being able to grab something off the floor and stabbing at your thigh with it. Causing you to groan. He’s stab you once more at the side of your waist.

Pushing you and shoving you down with both hands.

As he was fast to get ontop of you. Soon he stabbed you in your left eye before shoving your face down into the ground as he puts you in a headlock as you struggled against his strength. He defiantly trained with Kup before.

”You once had honor before joining Megatrons fake cause! I only hope Primus may forgive your spark as he sees the blood on your hands…..Him and Yoketron…”

You’d continue trying to fight against him but it was no use. For a moment you believed him though. Maybe…it was best to see if it’s time for you. After all no one’s really waiting for you now.

And so…you gave up. Your arms no longer on his as he continues.. Eventually you stopped moving.

Springer then letting you go.

He’d leave after spitting on your frame. Making his way to the others as he climbed up. Eventually the two teams would seperate as the decepticons realize they’d have to retreat. Thanks to you missing and Deadlock couldn’t take them all on.

The others asking where you were. Only for the leader to say you are in the Autobots mercy now as a response. Deadlock not paying much mind as he transformed and drove with the others.

The same thing happening with the Autobots.

Believing Kup was killed by one of you until Springer mentioned he killed you.

At least that’s what he thinks.

After some time when everyone else was gone. The wreckers believing Kup was gone. After a few kliks it soon started to pour with green rain. A moment of silence.

That is….until you woke up with a gasp. Soon standing up as you looked around confused. You’re…alive? That-…how??? You’d look around and wonder.

Returning to the field only to see everyone was gone as you notice their tire marks on the mud around you.

As you kept looking around you soon find….Kup.

Kup groaned as he tries to stop the bleeding from his arm. Only for it to at times be too painful for him to try to stop it. His groans loud as he closed his optics. You made your way closer to him and kneeled down.

”Kup.” Your voice soft as he slowly looked up at you. The rain almost getting in his way. So you leaned your upper body over his.

Using your cervos to support yourself over him. Your cervos on both sides of his helm as he finally looks at you. Taking note of your optics injury. “I’m truly dyin’….Guess I’ve always knew it be you who’s the last thing I see during this whole damn war.”

He chuckled. You missed that chuckle. “Dont worry Kup. I’ll get you patched up.”

You’d then get to work on his injures. He’d groan from time to time as you took out a few of your tools from your hip. You’d take a few from your first aid before every mission. You’d check on him once you finished.

“Kup you still with me?”

Kup then looks at you as he sighed. “Yeah…But don’t really like this rain much though.”

You’d sigh as you think for a moment. You’d then gently pull him up. Ignoring the pain the stabs in your thigh. Having him on your back with your cervos under his thighs as his frame rests against your back, the arm not injured wrapping around you neck as you walked to a close by cave you noticed when making your way to the spot earlier that day.

———————————————————————————

As you both made it to the cave you made sure to be very gentle with him. Setting him down against the wall of the cave. His cervo gently holding his injured arm as you checked his leg injury.

While you worked on it you didn’t expect to hear his voice as you kneeled before him consecrated.

”Why…Why are you helpin’ me Y/N Our…Our agreement…”

”Kup..I just…I just can’t right now.” You stay silent for a moment as Kup looks at you with curious optics.

“There’s more Y/N. Just spit it out.” You sigh.

”I just couldn’t leave you to die. I don’t wish to just leave you to bleed out….Even if you would do the same to me….” You looked down. His frown still there but..sadder. “Y/N…Do you still-”

He doesn’t finish as you grab his location transmission for his ship to come to you guys. “Y/N what are you-“

”You need to make it to the medical bay. Or else you’ll die.”

”But you need help too! Dont try being a hero now after everything! At least let the medic patch up you-“

”KUP!…….You. Come…First. The Autobots…they wont care I’m just another dirty decepticon who’s just leading you to deception…That’s all I am and all I’ll be! Understood!? You are going to be saved and we go our seperate ways. Like before as agreed!”

You’d keep at his leg before satisfied with how it is.

Kup only stared at you until he notices a big rock close to him.

“You know, when I think of us before. The possibility of us reuniting after our…separation. I thought it be on…different circumstances….heh even the possibility of it being over as we fought each other at most.”

You stay quiet for a moment before finally speaking as you then looked at him as you spoke. “Oh yeah and how you oof-“

Kup knocked you out with the rock in his cervo. He panted as he leaned back and looked at your unconscious body. Memories start flowing through his mind.

Snippets of you laying next to him on your shared berth. Your bright smile when you both were still young adults. When he would watch you sleep peacefully next to him. Back when you two were still Conjunx.

When you both still showed your love together…

Soon as he’s pulled out of his thought. The lights of his rescue ship appears. Kup letting out a sigh…He has a lot of explaining to do now…..

———————————————————————————

After Kup was saved and you were taken in. Kup explained everything to his and Optimus. Optimus was a bit more understanding and asked the right questions as they interrogate him.

After Optimus told Kup that although they must hold you captive. You are a dangerous bot after all. Having a reputation amongst the Autobots. Springer was to say at most, the most surprised after hearing you saved him.

But just like everyone else. He wasn’t sure how that was possible. It has to be some sort of miracle that you survived. Only being knocked out and all.

Soon after when Kup and his team go on thier own ship once more. With you as prisoner. The young bots didn’t waist anytime with flooding Kup with questions. ”So what the hell is the story with you two- like you two make out before knocking them unconscious?”

”More importantly how did you even bag that! They’re way more good looking then you!”

”Not too mention probably younger Kup!”

”What was sex with them like?”

”GIVE US TIPS OR SOMETHING OLD MAN!!!!!!!!!”

Kup has had it. Standing up and yelling at the bots to shut up.

“Will you all shut up alright??!! Ok we dated! We were married for a good while before the war. We went our different ways. That’s all you need to know! They chose to save me for some reason alright! I don’t know why either. But I couldn’t leave them on that planet to bleed out!!!…….Now drop it.”

He sits back in his seat as he looked down.

Springer then sighs and looks at the others. All of them with pleading optics for him to ask you a very certain question.

He’d then command for the ship to go on autopilot and turn his chair towards Kup who just sat there.

”Kup…tell us how you and Y/N….met.” Kup glances back at Springer as well as the other bots did. He’d then sigh. Turning his chair toawrds the direction to the others as he rubbed the bridge of his nose with his closed optics. Letting out an annoyed groan as he looked at the others.

“Fine Y’all really wish to know? I’ll tell ya. But NO interrupting. Understood?”

The bots nod as they stare at him. All then pulling out some energon like popcorn. Kup then speaks of the very you and Kup met.

———————————————————————————

I was but a young bot at the time. Before the many of your were born. I wasn’t always such an old bot either.

Back then I didn’t have my wrinkles and not much of a smoking habit then. I was just an ordinary bot. Trying to find work to help protect under the council at the time.

I was good friends with Hounds boss who had the best war stories. And he owned a pretty good guns and weapons store along with a shooting area. Little did I know. He got his weapons specialized and even practived by a certain bot who would change my life then.

And…in a way I still don’t and will never regret that moment….even now. They’re still the most…..fascinating bot I have ever seen…..Y/N…..

The door chimes as you walked in. Your swords on your hip handles as usual. You pretty much looked the same. Having no eye bags and no wrinkles like the more faded ones you’ll have in present time.

You had your usual smile on your dermas.

Your optics narrowed as you sighed. Making your way to the front counter. Kup was there feeling the guns weight in his cervos before noticing you at the corner of his optics.

He’d look at you as you pass by. His intake open a bit as he stares at you. You speak to Hound as his mind starts racing.

Eventually putting the gun down before he works up the confidence to come up from behind to next to you. Resting his elbow on the counter as his frame faces you. Trying to put on the best smile he can.

But it ends up being more nerdy and awkward. You’re looking at a gun Hound gave you to look over as Kup finally speaks.

”Hey there. Haven’t seen you around..here..” He drifts as he notices your swords. You’d glance at them then back at him. Then raising your cervo to him to shake as you kept your signature smile. “Y/N. And you are?”

He slowly shakes yours as he smiles once more. “Kup. So uhh you-”

”Alright Y/N I got your payment. Tell your Sire I said hello.” Hound walks in interrupting you both. Kup feeling a bit of pain in his spark as he struggled with his words. His cervo still out and his arm bent.

You and hound speaking for a moment more.

”Goodbye Kup. It’s nice having have met you.” Your soft voice pulling him from his thoughts. He watched as you leave. Both your arms stay on your sides as your hips sway. Kup stands there with his intake open as his arms falls to his side finally.

Hound noticed and closed his intake using a digit as he looked at him confused. “You good?

I wasn’t- after that I just couldn’t get them out of my helm. Such a strange but exciting feeling. And so that next day. I made a….choice.

“Hey Hound.”

”Kup? What brings you here? Didn’t you just do your pick ups yesterday?” Kup rubbed the back of his helm.

”Yes- but I was wondering ‘bout that bot yesterday. Y/N?”

”You’re still on about that bot? They’re just someone who works at that dojo. Barely even use guns themselves. I’d say forget’em now Kup. It ain’t like you to-“ Hound was then pinned roughly against the wall by Kup.

”Hound. Just give me the location of them and I wont tell your boss your dirty little secret with his daughter.” Hound gulped as his cervos stay up. “Okay-“

Wait- Hound actually got laid?

That’s besides the point! After Hound finally spoke. His intake actually to some use. I made my way to the dojo. I wasn’t sure on what I was goin’ to say or do. But I knew I just had to try…Not like I had anyone waiting for more besides some roommates.

Kup made his way to the dojo your sire owns. As you were in the training room, helping elementary sparklings learn to kick. Your sire Yoketron was at the front desk speaking to one of his students.

He was a few feet taller. Having a more bulky build.

Kup walks in and looked around. The student leaving as Yoketron turns his attention to Kup as he places his cervos behind his back.

“What brings you here young bot? Is it guidence on your….violent path? Or…something more?” His optics narrow as he stares down at Kup. Noticing Kups traits and the way he stands.

Kup looked up at him with his optics a bit wide.

“Uh yeah- Y-yes! I’m looking for a certain bot. Their name bein’ Y/N. You happen to know them?”

”Tall bot, two swords, yellow optics?” He says say he pointed at his own optics. Even tilting his head as he spoke.

”Yes that’s them! Heh. Wondering to ask them about possibly….I don’t know going out or somethin. So they work here. Right?” The two stared at each other. Yoketron had his helm tilted a bit as he stared down at him. After a second he finally blinks then narrowed his eyes.

”What is your name and occupation young bot?” he asks placing his cervos back behind his back.

”Name’s Kup. I’m currently training under the council for the military. I serve and protect to fight in any future wars and serve the city. I mostly handle in guns you see.” He gently pats his rifle in the gun holder on his hip. Yoketron seems a bit alarmed but stays firm as he listened.

“Would you say guns should be used for “much” combat in way?”

Kup thought for a moment. “Uhhh Well yes I suppose since it’s faster and gets the job done more then well why not?”

Yoketron stands there again. But his helm no longer titled as he then looked at him and blinked. At first Kup almost had a grin. Thinking he got him to agree to let him see you. But then as Yoketron walked out.

He was holding the back collar and waist of Kup. Throwing him out as he falls on his aft with a groan. Kup then looking back at Yoketron as he sat there.

”Until you can learn to find your inner peace and to not rely so heavily in the studies of…Just Guns. But the possible use to better help one forth called enemy. You may see my child then…Kup.”

He’d then close the door as Kup groans and stands up.

Walking away. That’s until he gets an idea as he sees the dojo is also a home in the upstairs.

When Yoketron walked up the stairs to the living room of your apartment later that evening, you were making energon cake to celebrate his birthday. You’d notice something was up with him. “Are you ready Sire?”

“Yes my little one.” He responds with a smile. You keep your usual smile and serve him his energon cake as he sits down. You taking your seat next to him as he looks at the candles. His cervos on the table. “Make a wish Sire.”

wait- How’d your know that happened?

……….They told me.

Oh-.

Now stop interrupting!

Sorry-

So..later after buying some flowers and walking around a store close by. Waiting for my chance of either their old man leaving or even just seeing them through the glasss window.

I soon saw my chance as I saw their Sire Yoketron walk out of the dojo. Once he was far enough and I saw then at the front desk. I went straight in for their heart! I was a lot more naive at the time….

After some cake, Yoketron got ready for his outing. “I’ll be visiting some old friends from my teen years. You’ll be fine while I’m out my little one?”

“Yes Sire. Now enjoy yourself. I shall be here upon your return.”

He nods and walks out after giving you a warm. As he left. It being mid afternoon. Kup was waiting on the other side of the building next door. You’d make your way to the front inside ahead of the front desk. You’d start cleaning the floors with a broom. From there Kup makes his way closer. Seeing you as you had your back to the glass door. He had some flowers from the store across.

Before he walked in he checked his looks at his reflection in the glass. He groan at himself. Why was he acting like this???

He’d then clear his throat once he walked in. “Y/N hello-“

You’d turn around and see him as you still held your broom. “Oh Kup hello. What brings you here? Are in search for self defense possibly?”

He chuckles as he got closer to you.

”Well no. I’m just here to speak uh speak to you actually…” You two are silent for a moment. He seemed like he wanted more to say.

“Uhhh these are for you!!! Thought it be a nice restart of…meeting?”

You chuckled as you set the broom down and gently took the flowers. Your cervos gently brushing against his.

He blushed a bit. And he had to hold back his grin from getting bigger. You gently smelled the flowers before looking at him. “Thank you Kup. They’re beautiful. Is there anything I can do for you?”

”Weeeeell a date would be nice. Maybe at that restuarent down the street of the broadcast tower?”

He was panicking inside as he looked at you. Your optics widened a bit and even had a small blush on your cheeks. Your smile only gone for a moment before soon returning. You’d narrowed your optics as you looked back at the flowers. You’d then let out a soft chuckle.

“Alright Kup. Since you asked so nicely.”

Kup had the cutest and most silliest grin as he looked at you. But from there both of your optics widened as you both look back at the sound of a voice. “Little one I apologize. I forgot to tell you….”

Yoketron walks in with a smile on his dermas. But that soon leaves when he sees ou too. Only seeing ou through the glass.

You stood there. Still holding a large bouquet in your arms as you stood there. Your face blank as your bright yellow optics looked up at him. Kups face now full of worry and a bit of fear.

You’d then smile.

”Ah Sire Welcome back. This is Kup. What was it that troubles you?”

Yoketron was definitely holding back as he forced a smile. “Oh doesn’t matter. Just missed you little one.”

He walks over to you ignoring Kup. “Ah these flowers are beautiful.”

”Aren’t they? Kup here bought them for the store across I believe. Aren’t they lovely.” You’d smile.as you looked at Kup. Kup was internally screaming on the inside. “I’ll uh see you then……Bye!”

From there Kup left as Yoketron rested a cervo on your shoulder. You were confused but then pulled from your train of thought as your Sire spoke.

“That young one is not guided well my little one. Best be careful with him as you carve your path. And I’m afraid I’ll be gone for a few days. So the shop will be closed for a few until the weekend. Understood my dear?”

You’d nod. “Yes Sire I’ll be fine.” He’d smile and leave. He’d then look around then make his way to his destination.

And so after that I made my way back to my apartment. I thought about them. That’s literally all I could do. I just couldn’t stop. It was then though that I realized…..I forgot to set a date and time-

And so that same night after some tips from some friends. I got an idea.

As you made you way to your berthroom. Writing in your notebook of possible weapon upgrades. You’re pulled from your thoughts as you hear a knock on your window. You’d then see its Kup hanging on for dear life.

“Kup!!!”

You’d open the window and he’d sit on the window frame. One leg in as he spoke.He

“Hey sorry I forgot to tell you a date and time.”

”Oh that’s alright figured you’d visit tomorrow or somethin…..Would you like anything?”

”Oh no no I’m just thinking maybe we can meet…meet at 4…tomorrow?”

You let out a soft chuckle and nod.

“Sure I’ll see you then Kup.” He took note your smile is a bit wider as lets out a nervious chuckled and you two stared at each other.

”Well I should probably uhh head home from there. S…see you then.” He climbs out and closes the window. Him smiling as you did the same. Both of you looking at each others optics. But when he tried to take a step back. Your body turned to the side before fully turning around as you crossed your arms.

Kup forgets he’s on a roof. He falls back and lets out a shout. You’d hear and run to the window. Opening it as you looked for him. Sticking your upper body out the window as you looked down.

”Are you alright?!”

”Yeah yeah…I’m fine.” He’d say as he stood up. After dusting himself off he waves at you with a smile. “Until then!”

“Until then…” You waved back as you watched him walk away. A chuckle leaving your intake and a smile on your dermas. After he was out of view you’d close the window and head to your berth.

And from there. So much has happened. Our date went perfect as you can imagine. The two of us having a lot on common in fact. We both enjoying a lot of things including guns and war tactics. They weren’t as peace on earth as you’d expect. Even when you’d look at their Sire. They had…more character and much tougher even.

Which defiently my type. After our date we ended the day with a kiss. Though I’ll admit I did get a bit carried away. But who wouldn’t?

And so after we’d have a few more dates. Eventualy when their sire returned I got to meet him in better terms. I eventually won his heart after I agreed to train under him for a good while just to gain his trust…..

And so after a few months after we started dating. I grew more in love with them every single day. Every..second I’d look at them. Think of them. And even when I didn’t think of them for a moment I’d still catch myself falling in love with them more and more. That was…..until the war started.

Everyone was choosing sides. Losing their jobs and so on. I wanted them to join the Autobots so that we can be together as we grow old through the war…but…

As you made your way into your shared apartment with Kup. He was sitting on the couch. His cervos together and his helm low. His knee moving up and down in his nervousness before he looked up at you.

“Y/N! You weren’t attacked were you?”

”No Kup. You know I can protect myself.” You say as he stood and walked up to you. His cervos on your waist as he looked down at you with worried optics.

You placing your cervos on his chest and shoulders as your forhelms touch. Tears forming in your optics.

”They…they got to Yoketron….I..I couldn’t tell if they were decepticons or Autobots-“

”Shh Shh Y/N. It’s ok…. I’m so sorry…He’s with the all spark now. He’s with Primus now. At least he wont be a part of this war now sweetspark…” He kisses your forhelm as you closed your optics.

You calm your tears as you looked up at him..”Kup……Megatron and Optimus Primes words….Their points of views….”

Kups optics widen a bit before returning to narrowing. Sad but almost hope in his optics as he spoke. “Y/N I…..I made the choice to join the Autobots….I..I don’t know if you…”

He sees tears fall down your cheeks more as you stared at him…..He finally sees it once you pulled back a bit. The decepticon logo on your chest as you cried. He just stares at it. Processing it..

”Is this…what you truly believe to be right for you sweetspark?” His voice cracked a bit at sweetspark.

His forhelm touching yours once more. “….Yes Kup…Megatron has a point with this…messed up system….and…and…” His dermas were against yours.

You returning the kiss immediately as both of your optics remained closed.

The kiss was passionate. Much like your first as it lasted. But…sadder now. Your soft kisses the only thing heard in the room as you both held each other for a bit longer.

Eventually he’d pull away for a moment. His dermas a little close to yours as he whispers. “I wont fight you sweetspark….But….” His cervos now on your shoulders as he pulls away. His optics soft as he has the frown he’ll soon wear all the time to his old age as he spoke.

”An autobot…cant be with a decepticon…and if our paths were to ever cross….we shouldn’t hold back….We are nothing more but enemies from then on……”He says as he walks past you to the door. Saying that last part as he opened the door.

“You shall always be in my spark…maybe in another life.” You two gave each other one last kiss. Not caring if it’s right or wrong…

Once he pulls away. He backs up only a little bit.

“Good bye..Sweetspark….I’ll always keep you in my spark.. even if I can’t see it.”

Once he was out. You teared up only more. You two saying that was your way of saying I love you. You falling to your knees as Kup hears your soft sobs through the door. Tears falling down his cheeks as he tried to remain strong. Making his way to Optimus once his tears finally disappeared….

———————————————————————————

“And that’s basically how it ended…”

The few of the wreckers were holding in their tears as they just stared at Kup.

Bulkhead though was the biggest cry baby in there as whirl tried to calm him down. “Chill out dude-“

”AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH It’s so Saaaaaaaaad” Bulkhead cries as he blows his “nose” in a tissue. As the others cry too, even Kup looked at them surprised.

Springer then becomes the one with the idea. “Kup maybe you should….talk to them. Try to understand this and well….maybe in some way…there’s hope for the both of ya.”

Kup took in his words as he looked down for a moment. The others agreeing with him as Kup then sighs. “Yeah I…Guess I’ll give it a try.”

He’d stand up as the others watched. Making his way the cells where you were behind held captive in.

You were already awake. Your cuffed to the wall with two of your arms up. Same with your ankles being cuffed as well as you could only watch out the window from your cell.

Eventually though you’d notice the cameras turning off as their lights turned off.

Kup soon appears, opening the cell. You took note he had a bandage on his leg and his arm. He did have a limp. He took note of your bandages as well. You had a patch over your eye now as well as a bandage on your thigh as you’re held up.

Along with a wrap around your waist.

He’d make his way to stand infront of you. Leaving the cell opened as you two stare at each other in silence.

Until he spoke.

”They um….patched you up pretty well huh..”

”Yeah..They did. …They um…They..:

“Kup..Why are you here?”

Kup thinks. He thinks hard as you look at him.

”Why don’t we..have a chat. Hm?” He pulls a chair and sits in front of you.

”Sure, not like I can go anywhere.” You both chuckled as you both began to speak. Talking abut the good. The bad. Everything throughout the year. Eventually the two of you reach a heart to heart.

Even as you spoke about how the Decepticons are no longer what they were build up for in the first place.

But despite you wanting to leave. It was a lot harder than what most Cybertronians would expect. You’d explain how you’d wish to leave but always felt so trapped. Especially when around Deaddlock who is one of the only few bots who can match you.

Then you two spoke about the past when you both dated. You made a mention. Something you forgot to keep secret from your hot headed partner. Causing him to stand up as he confronts you.

”You were once courted by Hound??! How come I never heard of this before??”

”He asked me to not tell you. Me and him just ended things on good terms when we realized it wouldn’t work out.”

”How long before us?”

”…………”

”Y/N.”

”mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm like two…..” He raises an optics ridge. “Two?…”

”weeks-“

”Two weeks before we met??!!”

”Yeap-“

Kup started losing his crap. Throwing the chair and talking shit about Hound.” That guy can’t even- UUGHH!!!”

”Yeah and after that he went into a relationship with his bosses daughter. At least he finally realized what he wanted before breaking another’s heart huh.”

You’d say with a smile as Kup finally calmed down. Before standing before you again. “Oh we are so having a talk later. I already…….I already spent enough time here…..”

”Will you…visit me again?”

You’d say as he looked at you before grabbing his cigar. Something he did out of habit everyday. He’d look at you. Your optic soft and…sad..

He’d then think again before coming closer to you. His chest almost touching yours as he spoke. “I want you to be honest with me….Do you…..Do you still love me Y/N?”

You’d stare into his optics. Both surprised but….honestly happy from his question. So as you opened your intake. You spoke nothing but the truth.

”Honestly….The love I have for you…It never truly went away. What we both had back then…It never truly stopped.”

Kup only stared at you. Knowing that you’re telling the truth. He’d then sigh before nodding as he looks at you once more. Only to start uncuffing the cuffs on your ankles.

”Kup what are you-“

“Before I do your hands…Y/N will you join the Autobots? Join me? The wreckers are one of the best teams you’ll ever join! Join me and we can restart!……This is the only chance I can give you…..”

His cervos rested on your waist as you looked away for a moment. Maybe this can be your chance?…..Why not? And so with a shaky voice but warm and soft…you spoke.

”I will fight..For the Autobots.” Causing Kup to smile as he finally releases your arms from the cuffs. His arm around your waist as he handles the other cuff.

So when you were finally not against the wall, you weight was against him and he gently sets you on the floor. Your cervos on his shoulders as his other arm wraps around your waist as well. You both staring at each other with small smiles on both of your dermas.

“So, you goin’ kiss me like you miss me?” You asked teasing. Him letting out a soft chuckle.

”Boy did I ever before huh?” You both let out a chuckle as your dermas soon meet.

Unlike your last one. Similar to your very first kiss. While still filled with love and passion. It wasn’t full of sadness like the last one. Or unsure and scared as the first one. This….this one is more certain. Almost impatient as your cervos move to the back of his helm.

His arms around your waist gently holding you against him as the kiss grows more hungry. His cervos then picking you up by your thighs, you moving your legs around his waist as your cervos remain where they are.

You’d pull away for a moment. Your optics narrowed as your dermas are close to his. His optics narrowed as well.

“I missed you Kup..”

“…..I missed you too sweetspark..” you both smiled.

Both soon returning to your kiss. It becoming more and more heating as you both cling to each other.

Luckily since the Wreckers didn’t have any other prisoners. You both didnt have to worry about making too much noise. Until you got forgot of course.

Before you both knew it Kup had your back against the wall. The sounds of your kisses and moans in the cell as you both soon then..hear a couple clicks.

You two defiently have a lot of making up to do. Every second worth it!

—Meanwhile with the Wreckers….

Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank Clank

Whirl was sipping on some energon coffee. Only for it to fall on his lap from the cup and make a mess as the others were playing cards. Springer having his cervos interlocked as he watched forward. Bulkhead then looking at Springer ad the others soon do the same.

Springer then sighs as he rubs the bridge of his nose. “He earned it. Can’t say scrap this time guys.”

The others groan.

“Yeah that’s it just like the old days!!!” Kup yells causing the wreckers to groan more and Bulkhead to cover his own audio sensors. This went on for a good while after…..-

Bonus—

As you spoke to the Wreckers.

Them curious on how someone like Kup was able to convince you to date him.

Looking at your point of view.

Kup can be seen in the background strangling Springer with just his cervos as Springers own are on Kups arms. Trying to stop him.

Yeah Springer told Kup why you were knocked out.

So Kup descided to teach the poor lad a lesson on what happens when you mess with his sparkmate.

A lesson he’ll surely never forget.

UGH!!!!!! I LOVED WRITING THIS!!!!! THIS WAS SO FUN AND GOD IM SO HAPPY TO FINALLY WRITE FOR HIM!!!!

I hope all you other Kup simps were able to read and enjoyed this. Sorry that it’s so long. I got so carried away but I regret nothing!!!! I hope you to see you guys in the comments and hear y’all opinions. So ya know don’t be too mean lol.

Anyway y’all know a repost is always appreciated and I hope to see you guys in the next post and have a good rest of your day!!!!

[ayayiiie]

Can u do enhypen with a reader with bad migraines ?

Hiiiii thank you for your request !

Here you go ~

EN- reaction to their s/o having bad migraines.

Members under the cut ! :3

Lee Ethan :

#Concerned_Bambi

I think he will stare at you while thinking of a way to make you feel better

You’re not someone who gets migraines THAT easily (even if it can happen) but when they hit, they hit HARD

So he’d be a lil lost

Will give you hugs and kisses for suuure

He would be THIS type of bf : ‘lie down on me and sleep baby’

When you would wince in pain, on the verge of crying

#panic_Bambi activated (even if he doesn’t show it krkr)

« Huh…huh… do you want some tea ? Fresh air ? Massage ? »

You would shut him up by hugging him and telling him to stroke your hair

« Imma give you some med wait a bit »

He would eventually get the hang of it after some times and then immediately know what to do

Park Jay :

Who’s Jay ? I only know Mama Jay 🤭

#know_what_to_do boi n°1

Jay knows your body more than you sooo

He would actively prepare a bath filled with sweet scent (not too strong since you have a migraine lol), rose petals and bath bombs

Would give you pro massages with slow and relaxing music in the background

Man is literally opening a spa lol

« Wait here I’ll cook for you. »

You are in the tub.

So yeah, he would bring you your favorite dish on a tray and leave the bathroom while making weird noises and a funny dance

Fr he would be the best to lift up your mood 💀

He’s a keeper so take care of him when he has migraines too (even more with six chaotic boyz 😭)

Sim Jake :

« Imma head out to buy some meds, go rest in the bedroom, I’ll be quick »

For some reason he brings Layla back with him ?

As he would slowly open the door, he would whisper to Layla :

« Mommy is sleeping keep quiet 🤫 »

You woke up anyways lmao

But having them both by your sides really ease you

You would hug Layla as she’s so soft and Jake would back hug you keeping you warm

« Do you want some snack ? I bought some along with the meds »

He would be extra careful because he knows you get easily mad when you have a migraine

« Let me do it, go get some rest »

« Jake I just slept for 4 hours straight »

« Shhhh go back to sleep, it’s not enough »

Park Benjamin :

frozen #1

I think he would give you space because he wouldn’t know what to do and wouldn’t want to make you mad

You see this one moment of him spacing out ?

Yes that’s him.

With him you will need to go to him and hug him

Sunghoon is the type of bf who needs to know everything, every detail

So when you need attention or anything else, you need to speak, to communicate every sentiment, every thought

If you want him to do something you have to write it down on a post-it or else he will forgot 🥹

So basically it would go like this :

« Sunghoon ? »

« ..yeah..? »

« Can you massage my temples please ? »

« Huh..yeah…like this..? »

« Put a bit more pression »

« Like this ? »

He’s cute bye.

Kim William :

#know_what_to_do boi n°2

As en ENFP he would try to help you as much as he can

He seems to know a lot about meditation and self care so he would show you a routine on how to avoid migraine and how to treat it

« Drink a lot of water, it’s good for your body and help relaxes it »

« Sleeping is a must but when it’s too painful and you can’t sleep just close your eyes and breath profoundly »

« I’ll massage you, try to relax at the maximum ! »

« You need to take a break, assignments are killing you really *eyes roll* » while massaging your temples

Remember when Jungwon said Sunoo listen the most to him ?

So whenever you would need anything, he would do it for ya

Without whining and complaining

« Sunoo can you pass the water bottle please ? »

That’s the ninth time you’re asking but Sunshine will just keeps his lips closed and gives you what you want

Make sure to reward him afterwards :p

Yang Johnny :

Clueless but not so clueless

Would be very attentive to your needs since Jungwon listen very well to others too

He’s very observant and detailed so you won’t even had to tell him about your migraine

He would point his nose in your bedroom and looks at you without you knowing

It would probably run like this in his mind :

« They’re exhausted and they keep supporting their head with their hands : migraines coming right away »

Ninja Jungwon in action 🥷

He would call you quietly to not startle you

« Okay time for a break you look like you’re about to pass out anytime soon »

For him, walking can ease your mind and brings you peace

So you both would take a walk towards the nearest park alongside Maeum

When you would come back he would prepares something hot to drink and some snacks and you guys would probably watch some movies

Guess who falls asleep during the most interesting scene ?

You both of course 🤭

Nishimura Ni-Ki :

Okay we all know he’s teasing everyone all day

You knew when you began dating that teasing would be a part of your routine

Because teasing is his love language

So what happens when he can’t express his love language anymore ?

The first time you had a migraine he teased you like his life depended cause he was feeling particularly mischievous

Well he rapidly knew it was wrong because boi almost got yeeted out of the window

Got quiet all of a sudden and looked at you like you were some monster

Maybe got traumatized lmao

So now he got prepared and you would have a freshly new Riki infront of you

He would just watch some yt videos on his phone or scroll on Tik Tok

But hey, you want attention

That’s when it gets risky because he knows you’re in a bad mood when you have a headache

So for once he would listen to you and hug you :)

« I like it when you’re calm like this… »

He would have insecure thoughts because of what you said (he can be very noisy and annoying with people he particularly cherish) but suddenly

« But I love when you tease me too, it shows how much you know every details of me »

Happy Riki �� you too happy 😃

———————

You’ve reached the end of the reaction !

Why it keeps getting longer the more it progress ? I wrote a whole essay for Niki 😭

Hope you enjoy it !

Thank you ! 👸

[incomprehensiblelentils]

OH MAN the new Warriors book was so much

BIG SPOILIES BELOW THE CUT FOR WARRIORS: A STARLESS CLAN: THUNDER LOL

Previously on Warriors: protagonists 1 (Sunbeam of ShadowClan) and 2 (Nightheart of ThunderClan) are in love and have switched Clans multiple times to be with each other; they are dealing with anti-immigration sentiment from Sun’s mom and general rumblings of conflict amongst the Clans. Protagonist 3 (Frostpaw of RiverClan) is The Most Traumatized Teen Cat Ever, having been put in charge of choosing the new leader despite being the equivalent of a 15yo and then being trapped while her mother got eaten by dogs in front of her, and THEN having a traumatic vision of their dead deputy getting murdered, and THEN barely surviving a murder attempt on herself.

AND NOW series 8 book 4: THUNDER

Sun has followed Night back to ThunderClan, and is determined to stay there with him

(they’re honestly so fucking cute and like Night’s family adores her and accepts her immediately, it was super heartwarming! I love them what a good ship)

Her anti-immigrant mother is the most dramatic about this she could possibly be and barges into her new Clan’s camp to try to forcibly bring her back

(Clan camps are like hidden and you are NOT supposed to barge in uninvited, the mom is frankly lucky nobody ripped her apart)

Then later Sun learns that her mother is plotting a coup against the leader of ShadowClan, but is unable to stop her from calling for the leader’s removal at the monthly Gathering

and she’s like “I have the agreement of our medicine cat which is the terms of our new code of conduct to remove dangerous leaders!”

and the medicine cat is like “yes I agreed with her BUT it was so I could show how bad this new part of the code is. bc look this bitch just has a weird grudge and is weaponizing it, seems bad”

(very happy for Puddleshine fans tbh, he hasn’t really done anything as a character and this was fucking awesome)

MEANWHILE: Frost has decided she is better off assumed dead, and decides to seek advice from her ancestors. She gets cryptic info from RiverClan’s founder Riverstar and sets off on a vague journey after being told she will “have a companion you trust immediately”

(but not before almost dying of her wounds and being saved by a human vet, who also spays her, although she doesn’t know what that means. I do think we should neuter/spay feral cats but in this singular context where they have sentience this was a pretty fucked up thing to read!!!)

Frost also teams up with Night, who has mostly been caught up in helping guard the current leader (Bramblestar) and deputy (Squirrelflight) as they journey to consult StarClan about Bramble retiring so Squirrel can be leader

Bramble has severe PTSD and trauma from being possessed by a demon who was in love with Squirrel, Bramble’s wife, and was trying to destroy the Clans and drag Squirrel to hell to be with him. I have summarized this here if you’re curious

Anyway Night is mostly just a wife guy (positive) now it’s so fucking cute. BUT he runs into Frost and she’s like DON’T TELL ANYONE I’M ALIVE and he’s like ahhh geez okay and she’s like wait! I trust you! Come with me on this vague journey StarClan is sending me on! and he’s like but my wife :(((( but okay if StarClan wills it

They walk for awhile, get more clues, bond and become friends! Eventually they end up finding the park where Riverstar came from which is full of feral cats and Frost learns to meditate (a thing park cats do) to figure out how to save RiverClan

It is finally revealed to her that the cat who tried to murder her was this fun cool sexy cat she had a big crush on (Splashtail) and she’s like D: BUT I TRUSTED HIM NOOOOO

THEN she is given a vision of Splash killing the deputy as well - AND ALSO WE LEARN THAT HER DEAD MOM WAS BEHIND ALL OF THIS!!! Dead Mom wanted to become leader so bad she had a whole Scheme to manipulate Frost literally her entire life to become a medicine cat, then (maybe) kill the very old very sick leader, then (definitely) have Splash kill the deputy, then have Frost have a “vision” to make her the leader

also Riverstar confirms Dead Mom went to hell for this

(We haven’t had that many female villains, I am LIVING FOR THIS!!!!)

Frost is extremely traumatized by this obvs but she’s like we have to go back now!!!! before Splash takes over RiverClan and starts a fucking war!!!!!

They arrive IN THE MIDDLE OF AFOREMENTIONED ATTEMPTED COUP

but anti-immigrant mom gets thrown out of the Clans and runs off, swearing revenge

THEN! RiverClan announces they have appointed a new medicine cat, Frost’s uncle

(was he working with Dead Evil Mom??????? who knows!!!)

and Uncle says I have talked to Riverstar and he wants us to “make RiverClan strong again”

and for that we need our new leader, Splash!

Night says, Frost, we have to stop him!!!

end of book!!!!!!!

this fucking RULED. Sometimes like two important things happen in a Warriors book, in this one like EIGHT important things happened and it was amazing

[demona9999]

Anakin Skywalker costume list

So I have seen posts documenting every Padmé dress and such, but I have never seen one for Anakin so I thought I would do it myself! Behold, I care too much about this man and everything he's worn, including notable accessories lol. I will try to go on chronological order from Anakin's POV, or as best as I can anyway, so keep that in mind

1-Tatooine slave outfit 

Worn during almost the entirety of the Phantom Menace, this outfit is pretty simple: just simple work clothes with arm and leg wraps to keep sand out. It’s obviously very similar to what Luke’s farmer look was like, only a bit less white. Also a necklace that was a gift from his mother according to the character guide, so that’s cute!

+ Podracing helmet 

During the race he also wears a helmet that has a leather neck wrap.

+ Naboo pilot helmet

When he accidentally joins the fight at Naboo he also wears a Naboo pilot helmet that he finds on the ship itself. I would like to add that despite what some people might make you believe, it is not a child sized helmet, it's an adult sized one. 

2-Jedi Padawan

At the very end of the Phantom Menace we see Anakin dressed as a Jedi for the first time, he’s basically dressed like a mini Obi-Wan at this point lol. It is perhaps the lightest clothes he's ever worn as a Jedi, and the only thing in his belt are food capsules since he has no lightsaber or anything else yet.

3-Adult Jedi Padawan 

Now we get to one of the big ones, Anakin’s outfit though most of Attack of the clones. His under tunic is still light, but his Jedi tunic and pants are a dark brown, and he has leather tabards instead of simple cloth ones. He has leather protecting his boots too. His belt has food capsules and another 3 pouches, which according to the character guide include his comlink, a medical pouch, and mechanical tools. Also a lightsaber clip, but it seems to come and go lol

+ Cape

His cape is quite unique in this one! In fact you might have thought it was a robe, but last I checked robes need to have sleeves and this doesn't. It’s basically a cape with a gap to put his arms through and a hood.

+Mechanical arm

It was in this outfit where Anakin got his first mechanical limb, a golden one that was only shown in his wedding scene

+He also wore this outfit, including the golden mecha arm, through the first part of the 2003 clone wars cartoon. 

Also in that he wore this getup while on a starship.

In there he also lost the tunic for a while, giving us an undertunic Anakin.

He also appeared like this in the flashback in Kenobi

4-The peasant disguise   

Now this is one of my favorite Anakin outfits, the peasant disguise he wears to go into hiding with Padmé, he wore it during their travel to Naboo and their visit to the current Queen. It's basically a white shirt, a beautiful black vest with golden patterns, an orange necktie and a grey sash. His pants and boots seem to be in fact the same he wears as a Jedi lol.  

+Poncho

This outfit also includes Anakin wearing a white poncho over it, which he wore while they were on the way to and they talked to the Queen. 

Also, this is what he's wearing in the “A Jedi shall not know anger. Nor hatred. Nor love” poster for this movie, although for some reason the image is mirrored since the Padawan bride is on his right side??

5-Casual clothes

These are the clothes that we see Anakin meditating with after having nightmares about his mother. A very loose shirt, quite reminiscent of the clothing he used to wear in Tatooine actually, the pants and boots are still the same Jedi ones. 

Additionally there's photos and footage of him wearing these clothes while Padmé is wearing her yellow meadow dress but with a different hairstyle, I’m guessing it was a promotional photo since there doesn't seem to be any deleted scenes where this would happen? 

6-Clone wars armour, the old series

This was the look Anakin had during the second half of the 2003 Clone wars cartoon. It’s a light brown tunic and pants, with a darker brown overtunic and cape, as well as brown gloves and boots which we can presume are still the same as before. He's wearing armour for his chest and shoulders, his belt seems to be armour too. 

Additionally this is the first time we see him with long hair and that eye scar! 

7-The blue tattoos

During the last arc of this series Anakin also took everything except his pants and boots off and was adorned with blue tattoos according to ritual for the race they were helping. 

Additionally it was in this look that he lost his golden mechanical arm and got a new one originally, look he even still had blue on his scar when he did lol 

8-Clone war armour new series

And so we get to the CG clone wars series! This was Anakin’s outfit from seasons 1 to 3. It stands out quite a bit for being his most colorful outfit,  since it's a red tunic and pants with a blue overtunic. He’s also wearing armour fort his chest and shoulders, with the Jedi symbol on his left shoulder plate. He's wearing different gloves on each hand, with his left one being a simple black glove with a brown cover, while the right one is completely black and has some cloth catches. His belt has food capsules and 2 identical pouches. His boots, as you might have guessed, are still the same lol. 

Additionally you can also see him in this outfit in Battlefield II

And in Tales of the Jedi, it took place really early and so he had shorter hair, and for some reason, the latches of his right arm are mechanical there

8.1-Hot toy 

His hot toy as a clone wars general was mostly based on that previous outfit so I thought I put this here. There are some differences though, like his right glove having metal latches instead of cloth ones.

+Cape

This hot toy also gave him a dark brown cape along with a different armour for it, presumably as a reference to the previous clone wars series look. 

+ Poncho

Also in the deluxe version of this hot toy came with a whole new poncho, which is mostly plain white except for a decoration at the border

9-Naboo pilot disguise

During the episode Senate spy in season 2 episode 4 of clone wars, Anakin had to wear a Naboo pilot disguise to escort Padmé and Clovis discreetly and all. It’s a pretty simple outfit, but hey at least the helmet actually fits him now! 

10-Clone wars cloth outfit

This was his main outfit from season 3 and half to 6 of the clone wars. We are getting closer to his iconic Revenge of the Sith look but we are not quite there yet! His Jedi boots and pants are the same once more, and his dark brown tunic returns along with the leather tabards, but his undertunic seems to be a simple dark brown shirt instead of the usual under tunics. His right glove now has simple metal latches, and his left has a black covering with a couple of straps and has his comlink attached. His Jedi belt has a lightsaber clip, some food capsules, a lightsaber clip that seems to come and go, and the same pouches he will have in Revenge of the Sith so we will get to those there, except for the one up front which in Revenge of the Sith has vertical lines and in here has horizontal lines.  

11-Underwater gear

This is what he wore during the water war arc, season 4 episodes 1 through 4 of the clone wars. There’s not much to say, I mean it’s a red scuba diver suit with a lot of star wars technology all over it and a bubble helmet. I guess it is the one time he got ot wear matching outfits with Padmé tough lol 

12-Zygerrian disguise

During the famous Zygerria arc, in season 4 episode 12 and 13, Anakin wears a disguise as a Zygerrian. At first he has a helmet too, but he loses it during his amazing arena plan so he spends the rest of this on just the armour.

13-Rebels holocron outfit

In season 2 episode 18 of Rebels we see Ahsoka watch a holocron of Anakin giving some lightsaber lessons and he's wearing…. this. Ok so the boots and pants are the same again, and he's wearing a brown tunic, but over it he's wearing some kind of… armour maybe? It's a bit hard to tell, but it has the Jedi symbol over it. His belt is a simple belt instead of a Jedi one, with some lights in it??? It's a strange look…

14-Revenge of the Sith Jedi robes  

Finally, possibly Anakin’s most iconic outfit, the Revenge of the Sith look! He has a dark brown tunic with a lighter brown undertunic, but the same leather tabards, pants and boots as before. He wears no glove on his left hand, while his right one has complicated metal latches. His Jedi belt has a lightsaber clip, food capsules, a pouch for emergency rations and another for his grappling hook.

He wears this same look during season 7 of the clone wars too, although for some reason the metal latches of his right arm are still the ones from his previous clone wars costume instead of the details ones

+Robe  

Now this is a Jedi robe! It's very dark brown and has a hood, and looks enormous on him tbh lol

He also appeared like this in Kenobi

+Earpiece

During the battle of Coruscant he's wearing a golden earpiece, probably pretty well known since he has it during the iconic “This is where the fun begins” line

15-Night robe

You might have thought it was his Jedi robe if you weren’t a thirsty hoe like me that watched this scene like a hawk, but it's not! It's shorter, doesn't have a hood and it's actually black, so it's a different robe. 

Also during this scene we can see that he has a new mechanical arm, which is black and gold now. 

16-Burnt and suitless

I feel like this should count,even if it's not technically actual clothes lol. Anakin burnt in his Revenge of the Sith outfit and looked like this

And I guess we can add the times we have seen him suitless after this too, in Rogue one

And in Kenobi

17-Darth Vader suit:  

Now, while in general Darth Vader looks more or less the same, there are differences to his suit depending on the appearance. So while I put them in chronological order from his perspective, take into account that all of them happened at different times in the real world I guess? 

The main differences are the colour and shape of the lenses on the helmet, the size of the triangle under his mouth piece, the length of the chain holding his cape, the control boxers button colours and wether is being held up by leather straps or not, if his gloves have vertical or horizontal lines, his shoulder armour, and also whether he has his robe over his shoulder armour or not. I didn't want to write it all so I made a chart, it took me a while and its probably  the nerdiest thing I've ever done, if you want the full version hit me up, enjoy it lol

18.1 Revenge of the Sith version

18.2 Clone wars

18.3 Fallen order

18.4 Kenobi

We saw him with his mask broken in this too

18.5 Rebels

We saw him with his helmet broken here as well

 18.6 Force unleashed

+Damaged

Vader got really battle damaged in this game, so let's add it too, it was quite shocking

18.7 Rogue one

18.8 New Hope

+Capeless 

It’s hard to notice since he wears the robe over the armour in this one, but he is not wearing the cape when he's piloting!You might be able to tell better with the behind the scenes photo

18.9 Empire strikes back

+Capeless

In both of the scenes where he's in his hyperbaric chamber he is not wearing his cape either

+Short robe

I don't know if I'm imagining this but in this one scene in Empire I think his robe is shorter? Not the rest of Hoth scenes, just this one, is strange…

18.10 Return of the Jedi

+Maskeless

Well we saw the back of his head before in Empire, but this time we see his whole face so I feel it’s more relevant here

19-Force ghost 

And finally, his outfit as a Force ghost! Which is basically old Bens outfit except with a Jedi undertunic and not a shirt with a high neck like him lol 

[audrinawf]

audri help me! I'm so overwhelmed I can't get out of bed. I have graduated from college a year ago and I still don't work, I feel like I haven't learned anything and that all jobs require minimal knowledge. then I tried to make a study plan, but it seems that I need to learn so much, that I'm so late that I want to do a thousand things during the week and it's driving me crazy! I can't imagine myself in a calm, slow routine because my brain is screaming WE'RE LATE! THERE IS NO TIME! THERE IS NO TIME! and it paralyzes me in every possible way. I can't even stop and breathe and plan just the basics. it's killing me this anxious need and this feeling that time is passing and I can't do anything with it.

Hi! Okay so first of all brace yourself cause my answer is going to be so long lol but anyways I just had a similar conversation with a friend just yesterday and I was telling her that it’s so important to remember that you cannot always achieve everything you want in one single day. I’m ngl I feel like your feeling a lot and that’s cause I have adhd so time management isn’t my strongest skill. You can’t excel at 5 different things on the same day. Some days you need to prioritize work and some days you prioritize the gym and that’s normal. One thing that really helped me was realizing that I’m not a type A personality, I’m not a perfectionist and I’m not compulsive so I wasn’t going to compare myself to those types of people and make myself feel bad. Some people just have it in their dna to do 537 things in one day and that’s fine but if that’s not your strength don’t worry.

You need to stop thinking that you’re late. Quit that thinking right away. You’re not late. And even if you feel that way just know that 6 months of focus and determination can set you forward much more than you can imagine. I wasn’t doing jack shit for two years during covid so from 2020 to late 2021 I was living at home miserable while a lot of people younger than me were out there starting business and doing lots of cool things. But you know what happened since November 2021? I moved twice, I own my own home, I’m the youngest in my friend group to do so and the first in my family since my parents have rented their whole lives and on top of that I traveled 4 times in less than a year, I got engaged and learned probably 5 new hobbies in less than a year. I thought I was late too but I wasn’t. I’m just telling you this cause you can actually achieve more in 6 months that you’ve done in years. Please be patient and have faith.

And now onto why I think you should do in the meantime, I think you need to start meditating even if it’s just for 3 minutes a day and do some light working out. I know it’s not fun but I promise that it clears your head so much and give you so much energy to do more throughout the day.

One thing that’s helped me a lot is to for one do a daily brain dump so I just take a blank paper or journal and write everything I’m thinking, it doesn’t even have to be in any order but just imagine taking all your anxious thoughts and placing them on paper. You don’t even have to read it just throw it away if you want. So once you’ve written down all the noise in your brain the second thing I would do is to get a timebox journal. You can Google time box journal and just print the ones you find online or if you message me privately I can send you my time box that I created cause I use it every single day even when I’m just chilling cause it really helps you see how much you can achieve in one day and it helps you better your time managing skills.

But please remember that for one you need to quit your mind first of all. Second you need to make small changes every day. I wasn’t even 1% as productive a year ago as I am today. I’ve incorporated small changes and small but productive habits to my daily routine for a year

Hope any of this helps you <3

[lugonzalez94]

2021 reflections

this year was challenging as heck. while reflecting during these last few days of 2021, i realized how much i’ve grown. it’s also a bit hard to decipher what happened this year or last since these past two years seem to somehow mesh into each other, however i know that this year i became more confident in myself and my actions. i kicked ass in work. i leveled up in my art practice. and i feel like i finally know myself better and i accept her and love her. and that’s something i’ve never been able to genuinely say before.

but with growth comes challenges and pain, and for a good portion of the year i felt like i was going through sticky growing pains.

i thought a lot. i used to pride myself for not being a reflective person, childish i know, but that has changed. i thought a lot about who i am, how far i’ve come, what’s yet to come. i thought about what i value and what i appreciate and it makes me feel more whole. i’ve come to appreciate where i live (my apartment and california and the bay area), the people i have in my life, the time i get to spend with others and the memories we made. i appreciate the opportunities life has given me and the ones i’ve made for myself. i appreciate quiet moments and time alone to care for myself. i really feel like this year was truly a turning point in my life and it’s exciting. 

but within those moments of reflection and excitement also came darkness. throughout the year, off and on, i felt alone. i felt lost. i cried. i thought too much. i was unhappy with my body and my hair (the fringe was cute while it lasted). some days i couldn’t do anything. i became annoyed with how social media takes up so much of my time. i wondered if i was headed in the right direction or if i was meant to do something else. i was anxious and paranoid over many things and sometimes over nothing. it was often hard to pinpoint what exactly made me feel this way, and i often had to conclude that it was bc of the pandemic we’re in and that my life is changing. i’m growing up and that’s life. i tell myself to try not to dwell too much or care so much about change, since change is always constant. but in the moment i try to let myself feel it out, notice it, acknowledge it, and learn how i can move forward. solo trips to the beach on the most gloomiest days helped me feel renewed. listening to music helped me understand and feel. i’ve always been a bit sad and that’s how i’ve always existed, but it doesn’t entirely make me who i am. 

but in between moments of despair and sadness, i had some of the best days of my life. sometimes they were mundane, but i think living in this pandemic has really influenced what i’ve come to appreciate and sometimes it’s really about the little things. i reconnected with old friends and made new ones. i adopted a dog (i’ve never had a dog before!!) and learned a new kind of unconditional love. i read some books. i traveled a bit. i slept and rested a lot. i meditated. i discovered some really great music. i started going to concerts again, and even met one of my favorite artists of all time. i finished my thesis and got my diploma. i had a lot of taco bell. i participated in an art workshop and made some really cool pieces. i participated in a staff art show at my part-time gig in sf. i began to workout again and made my health a priority. i made more of an effort in my friendships and relationships. i made bread. i got 3 tattoos. i celebrated another anniversary with my partner. i had some really good coffee and beer. i made a fricken website to showcase my art. i had fun. 

i hope this really is a turning point in my life and that i continue on this path i’ve created. i put so much time and effort and work into this, but i recognize and am trying to remind myself that i’m going at my own pace, things take time, and i can take up space. and i can cry lol. 

anyways, thanks to my friends and my partner and my family and my community and my favorite music for making this year suck less. best wishes for the new year. -L

[padawanlost]

Hello there! I just wanted to ask about something that’s been confusing me real quick: did Anakin lord over others with his Chosen One status or not? Because I thought he was insecure, disliked all the expectations that came with it, and didn’t really believe in that old prophecy to begin with. But, in Jude Watson’s books he thinks he deserves all these things because of it and rubs that status in other faces? I just need some clarity please lol thank you so much and I adore your blog ❤️

No, not at all. If anything, one of Anakin’s biggest difficulties was to assert himself in front of others (specially people in power).

This is a man who is considered a hero of the galaxy, of the most powerful jedi ever, married, soon to be father, beloved and respect by his men and even complete strangers…yet…look at how easily he submits.

If Anakin had been anything like some ‘fans’ like to pretend he was, he wouldn’t be the character portrayed on screen. He’d more like characters like Tony Stark, someone who is completely confident in his abilities and is not ashamed to admit it. But that’s NOT the character we see on screen, or anywhere else for that matter.

The Jedi Council didn’t want me, either. Being the Chosen One didn’t count for anything. Master Yoda wouldn’t train me, or Windu. Every member of the Jedi Council had had something more pressing to do than help him work out what this terrible, galaxy-changing power of his meant, and how he should live in its shadow. He still wasn’t sure. Anakin recalled standing there in that grand, polished Jedi Council Chamber, surrounded by what felt like fear, and disdain, and bewilderment—who were those Masters to feel bewildered, that the only person there who cared if he lived or died was Master Qui-Gon Jinn. And they stopped him training the Chosen One. Qui-Gon hadn’t cared what the Jedi Council said. He’d trained him anyway, a Padawan in all but name. Why am I thinking of all this now? Haven’t I put it behind me? Haven’t I had enough bad memories since then to take their place? Haven’t I vindicated Master Qui-Gon? [Karen Traviss. The Clone Wars]

Anakin enjoyed praise from Obi-Wan, but often became sullen when he was reprimanded. Obi-Wan assured him that he himself had been frequently reminded by Qui-Gon to be more mindful of the Force, but somehow even the slightest criticism managed to leave Anakin feeling stung. First they tell me to do my best, then they tell me I’ve gone too far! ANAKIN SKYWALKER IN THE RISE AND FALL OF DARTH VADER BY RYDER WINDHAM

Despite Anakin’s desire to distance himself from the slave he had once been, he was unable, or unwilling, to shed the other aspects that had defined him on Tatooine. He still dreamed of glory, still craved adventure, and never lost his appetite for high-speed thrills and the desire to prove himself in competition. THE RISE AND FALL OF DARTH VADER BY RYDER WINDHAM

Anakin was liked by the other students, but he had no close friends. He was not loved. Obi-Wan told himself that Anakin’s gifts naturally set him apart. But in his heart, he grieved for Anakin’s loneliness. JUDE WATSON [JEDI QUEST: THE WAY OF THE APPRENTICE]

Just when Anakin thought he’d passed that elusive finishing line that said adult, experienced, seen it all, he realized he was still twenty, Jedi or not, and the wounded boy in him still rose to the surface—provoked into angry violence, scared of abandonment, and still in need of approval. KAREN TRAVISS [STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS NOVELIZATION]

[Obi-Wan] knew, glancing at his Padawan’s eager face, that Anakin meant well from the bottom of his heart. If Obi-Wan saw a shadow on that heart, he knew it would pain his Padawan to know it. In many ways, Anakin was still a boy. A wounded, loving, anxious boy with great gifts he did not fully understand. Yet he was also a young man, close to maturity, who could do great harm. To others, yes. To himself, most of all JUDE WATSON [JEDI QUEST: THE SCHOOL OF FEAR]

“I just…” Anakin stopped. He took a ragged breath. “I thought you would be proud of me.” I am proud of you. Obi-Wan wanted to say the words. They were true. He was proud of so much in Anakin. But now was not the time to tell him that. Or was it? JUDE WATSON [JEDI QUEST: THE SCHOOL OF FEAR]

Fixing broken machines was like a meditation. Fixing broken machines was an antidote to every pain, every loss, every fear, every defeat. Fixing broken machines kept him from going mad. CLONE WARS GAMBIT: STEALTH

You are very observant, Ferus, but you must accept that I know him better than you,” Obi-Wan said carefully. “Anakin can be arrogant. I know that. But he is also learning and growing. He is respectful of his great power. He does not abuse it. He is younger than you, but he has seen much injustice, many terrible things. I do not think it so wrong that he wants to change things. You must understand that it isn’t ambition that drives him. It is compassion. OBI-WAN KENOBI IN STAR WARS – JEDI QUEST: THE CHANGING OF THE GUARD BY JUDE WATSON

Taking them, she looked up at him and shook her head, even though it still ached. “It’s odd. You’re nothing like I expected.” “Why?” he said, perching on the edge of the nearby chair. “What did you expect?” “I don’t know,” she said, floundering. “I can’t say I’ve ever given the Jedi much thought. I mean, not as individuals. I never expected to meet one—let alone two. I don’t tend to go places where your skills are needed. But—well—you’re gentle.” That made him smile. “As opposed to what?” She swallowed the pain-tabs, washing them down with a mouthful of water. “Oh. You know. The HoloNet news—it portrays as you as this—this—heroic warrior. Larger than life. Charging into battle, lightsaber flashing. Scourge of the Separatists. That kind of thing.” She shrugged. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

“Ten years in this place, and still he was an object of interest. Of speculation. All their hopes and dreams hanging on him like decorations on a bantha skeleton at Boonta Eve. He hated it.” [Clone Wars: Wild space, Karen Miller]

[Anakin] did not like the fact that he had won. It seemed wrong that he had stepped so far out of line, and yet had been retained as a Padawan. He did not like the unease this victory, if victory it was, produced in him. Above all weaknesses, arrogance was the most costly. They keep me here because I have potential they’ve never seen before. They keep me in training because they’re curious to see what I can do. I feel like a rich man who never knows whether his friends are true-or whether they just want his money. This was a particularly galling thought, and certainly neither true nor fair. Why do they put up with me, then? Why do I keep testing them? [Greg Bear’s Rogue Planet]

The only piece of media where Anakin is more ‘openly’ arrogant is in The Clone Wars (2008) but even then, he doesn’t flaunt his alleged ‘status’ over everyone. His arrogance is reflected more through his disobedience, not open defiance and antagonist behavior towards his peers.

But hey, what do Hayden Christensen, George Lucas and most Star Wars writers know? lol

PS: thank you! <3

[oreomonsterhunter]

Life Sucks

Pairing: Lee Know x reader

Word Count: 10K (I know.....this was a surprise for me, too)

Genre: fluff, romantic comedy

Warnings: language (our characters have a tendency to curse, apparently)

Summary: Sunshine reader is in love with love, but hasn’t had much luck with it herself.  When she meets Minho, a self-proclaimed cynic and disbeliever of “true love”, she’s determined to change his life.  If she can’t find the love of her life, she’s going to try to find his.

This fic was inspired by a tag game once upon a time.  It was supposed to be a short drabble, but apparently I can’t hold back with Minho.  Tag game featured this specific Lee Know and just kinda spiraled from there lol

Nearing the end of January, winter sometimes seemed endless.  Yet when you stepped out into the morning chill, you were pleasantly surprised to find the snow banks melting a bit.  Your boots splashed through small puddles as you strode down the street, and you smiled softly at the lavender sky.  It was still early enough—for a Saturday—that the sidewalks weren’t too packed yet, so you indulged in a more leisurely walk than usual, dancing along to the music from your headphones.  You caught a few odd looks, but you simply smiled and waved at everyone you passed.  They could judge your happiness all they wanted, nothing could possibly spoil your day when it was off to such a good start—

“Shit,” you gasped, jumping back onto the curb as a car barrelled through a red light.  Had you been a second slower, you would’ve been a vehicular manslaughter case.  “Asshole,” you hollered after them, flipping two middle fingers in the air.

You exhaled a sharp breath through your nose, attempting to banish the exasperation and get back into your music again.  More careful this time, you double checked both ways down the street before entering the crosswalk.

Unfortunately, your streak of bad luck continued.  Just as you hopped off the street, a truck passed by behind you, tires bumping through a pothole.  And with the recent snowmelt, this resulted in a spray of cold water hitting the backs of your legs.

You froze, mind stuttering as you tried to comprehend how the morning had taken such a turn, all within your first five minutes outside.  Pursing your lips, you twisted around to inspect the damage.  The dirty water might stain your jeans, but the most pressing matter was the cold and wet denim now plastered to your legs from your calves to the backs of your knees.  You bit your lip, contemplating just turning back and spending the whole day in your apartment.  Pajamas, a blanket, hot coffee and tea readily available.  Maybe a movie, just because you could.

Then you shook your head, determined to make the best of the day.  You wanted a cappuccino, dammit.  And chocolate babka from the cafe.  No homicidal drivers or puddles could stop you.  It was a Saturday, just past sunrise, and you had a whole day ahead of you.  No need to wallow a few minutes in.  And besides, who knew what would happen.

You set off for the cafe, determination heavy in each step.  You forced a smile back onto your lips, though it was thinner than before.  You switched to a different playlist so that your boots could thump the concrete in time.  And you breathed, spooling calmness back into yourself.

It was a Saturday.  You might meet the love of your life today.  And nothing could stop you from finding out.

The bell over the front door jingled merrily, and you softened a little further, relaxing into the familiar surroundings.  You hardly even noticed the damp denim chafing your legs as you skipped up to the counter.

Ruth, currently manning the register, chuckled as she rang up another customer.  “Well would you look at that, the sun came shining right in our front door,” she said.

“Good morning,” you giggled.  You waved to Jonathan, Ruth’s husband, in the back.  The couple had been running the little cafe and bakery for years, and you were a faithful customer, coming by at least once a week since you first moved to the neighborhood.

“Morning, Sunshine,” he called, hands busy kneading dough for what would doubtless become something delicious.  You hummed thoughtfully, considering the baked goods in the glass case before you.

“Your usual?”

You tapped a finger on your chin, “You know, the poppy seed muffins look awfully tempting.  I might just have to switch it up today.”

Ruth nodded, tapping on the register.  You handed over the requisite bills and she shooed you off, sliding the muffin over the counter.  “Go on now, a table opened up by the window, perfect spot.  I’ll bring the coffee in a minute.”

“Thank you,” you said, but Ruth was already fussing over the espresso machine.  Shaking your head, you weave through the maze of tables and chairs, dodging patrons on your way to the window seat.

You had your eyes on the prize, and you were only a few feet from the chair when you pulled up short.  A stranger, their back to you, plopped down in your chair.  You blinked, suddenly and painfully aware of your wet pants, the muffin growing cool in your hand, the fact that you could give up now and walk home but perhaps you’d just get hit by a car and never get a chance to enjoy your breakfast.  You sighed deeply, breathing out through your nose as you closed your eyes, seeking inner peace or something.

“Can I help you?”

The voice knocked you out of your momentary meditation, and you looked at the table thief in surprise.  He loosened the fluffy scarf around his neck before sliding his arms out of his winter coat.  A beret, of all things, tilted dangerously to the side before he adjusted it on his head.  He looked like some kind of absent-minded professor, but for the youthful features that peered up at you.  A sharp nose, tinted red from the cold, and a soft mouth.  Dark and depthless eyes, paired with high cheekbones and a cutting jawline.

You realized you were staring when he waved at you, eyes widened.  “Hello?”

“Um, sorry, I just,” you stammered, lost for words.

“Do you want to sit or something?”

You stopped again, mouth dropping open.  You checked the time—you had fifteen minutes or so, enough time for another table to open up.  “Uh, sure, if that’s ok with you.  I was hoping for a table, I’m meeting someone,” you said, beginning to ramble.

“No problem, I don’t need all this space, and I’ll head out soon,” he cut you off, raising one brow at you when you continued to stand there, rooted to the spot.

Ruth’s arrival with your cappuccino was what ultimately forced your hand.  You sat down, gratefully accepting the drink, your smile less shaky with a taste of the familiar.

“I didn’t think they did table service,” the stranger mused.

“They don’t, I just know the owners,” you shook your head, cutting yourself off when you saw his disinterest.  “Sorry, I should introduce myself,” you switched tacks, giving your name with a bright grin.  So what if it was forced?

The stranger looked at you, and his lips twitched in a shadow of a smirk.  “Minho,” he responded.

Silence fell, heavy and awkward, and you found yourself leaning forward desperately.  “So how’s your day so far?”

Minho snorted, reaching for his own drink—an iced americano, you guessed, despite it being the middle of winter.  “Probably better than yours.”

“What?” your brows furrowed in confusion.

He gestured to your legs with one hand.  “Unfortunate accident this morning?”

Your lips tightened, holding back a frown, “Puddles, you know.”

Minho sighed, sounding sympathetic now, rather than snarky.  “Yeah, life sucks, doesn’t it?”  And there was the sarcasm again.

“One or two bad things doesn’t mean life sucks,” you countered, sipping your coffee.  “I’m excited about the rest of the day, it’s not even eight in the morning!  And it’s the weekend, and it’s sunny and warm, and I have hot coffee and a delicious muffin, and the world is out there and ready to be enjoyed,” you finished, lips curling up as you looked out the window at the sunrise, the horizon flaming golden.

“Sounds like you’ve never had a job,” a harsh voice cut into your admiration.  Your smile faltered as you looked back at Minho.  You gaped at him, brain processing the way this soft-looking boy sounded like the king of cynics.  The last thing you expected from someone wearing a fuzzy beret and looking like a sly teddy bear was this blunt conversation.  “No one’s that excited when they have to work fifty plus hour weeks to pay the bills.  Trust fund baby?” he inquired, sipping calmly.

Yep, there was no fighting the frown now.  “No, and I don’t appreciate the judgement.  Why can’t I just be happy?”

Minho smirked, “Never said you can’t.  I just wanted to see if you had a personality beyond being Positive Polly.”

Your eyes flamed, but your phone buzzed, distracting you before you could smite the snarky boy.  You fumbled at your coat pocket, whipping out the device to check for a new message.  You slumped—just a spam email.

“Waiting for something important?” Minho asked, tilting his head.

You huffed, shoving the device back in your pocket.  “As a matter of fact, yes,” you sassed, tossing your hair over one shoulder.  “I’m waiting for a date.”

He hummed at you, expression unreadable.  “You’re too excited.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, eyeing the clock on the far wall of the cafe.

“You’re significantly early, watching the clock like a hawk, and they haven’t even texted you an update.”  He took a long sip.  “What time is your date anyway?  Eight in the morning?  They’re not coming.”

Your smile faltered again.  Damn him, why was a total stranger dimming your joy?  You shoved your chair back, even though no tables had opened up yet.  You’d wait by the counter and chat with Ruth.  Anything was better than this asshole.

Minho glanced over his shoulder, checking the clock himself.  “Five past, and still nothing,” he commented.

“Fuck you,” you spat.

A spark appeared in his eyes, and he grinned.  “Good to see you have some backbone,” he commented.

You could’ve sworn steam was coming out of your ears, but your phone vibrated again.  You checked the lock screen, seeing a new text pop up from Jay: hey I can’t make it.  You swiped on the message, but nothing followed it.  Seriously?  That was it?  No explanation, and not even a half-assed apology?

“Told you so.”

You spun to face Minho, glare renewed.  “And what makes you so sure of yourself and my date?” you demanded.

He snorted, “Life sucks; so does dating.  The only thing you’re guaranteed is disappointment.”

Your anger faded slightly as you watched the boy sip his iced coffee, his silhouette stark against the snow outside.  When you took a breath to get past your own mingled frustration—both at Jay and your new snarky companion—you saw the tense lines of his face.  You wondered what disappointment had left Minho so defensive.

“Alright, enlighten me,” you said, throwing yourself back in the chair.  This time, you settled in, sliding out of your coat and leaning forward with your coffee.  “Who broke your heart?”

A look of disgust slid over those pretty features.  “No one broke anything,” he scoffed, turning to the window and giving you another dose of his sharp profile.  You rested your chin on your hand thoughtfully, just watching him and waiting.  “Stop looking at me like that,” he muttered.  “You’re not my therapist.”

“But I am a perfectly kind stranger.  And strangers are the easiest people to talk to,” you said sunnily.

“And don’t sound so happy.”

“No can do, people call me Sunshine for a reason.”

Minho gave a long-suffering sigh.  “I’m not calling you that.”

Now you were the one with a cocky smirk, “Why, does it hurt your delicate masculinity?”

A beat of silence, and then, “One of my best friends is called Sunshine.”  Minho looked at you sharply.  “I’m not calling you that,” he said again.

You waved him off, oddly touched in spite of his gruff tone.  This human version of grumpy cat had a best friend named Sunshine?  Incredible, and surprisingly soft of him.  “Ok fine, no arguments from me.  Tell me about her.  Or him, whoever it is,” you stumbled over your words.

Minho didn’t seem to notice your blundering.  He stared somewhere beyond your shoulder, “No one broke my heart.”  Then his eyes focused on you again as he asserted, “I’ve just experienced enough to know better than to hope blindly.  The world isn’t looking out for you.”

Humming, you folded your arms as you considered his statements.  “Well, I believe in true love,” you started.

“Why am I not surprised?”  Minho groaned, rolling his eyes.

“I also believe in the power of positive thinking,” you continued as if he hadn’t spoken.  Ignoring his dramatic moaning, you steamrolled ahead.  “Yeah, my morning turned out pretty shitty, but if I just go crawl back in bed, I’ll have wasted a whole day over something as silly as wet jeans.”

“Wet jeans and being stood up.”

“And being stood up,” you allowed, gritting your teeth to maintain a smile.  “But if I let that stop me from living my life, then I’ve let the negative win.  If I go check out a new dating app or two and keep trying, one day I’ll have something good.”

Minho put his coffee down, resting one hand on the table as he met your eyes, gaze hard.  “Listen, nothing good comes out of a dating app.  You’re wasting your time.  And didn’t you say you hate doing that?”

You wanted to argue, but your friends had told you much of the same.  Minho was just less polite in his delivery.  But you hadn’t had any luck with real life men, either.  Case in point: your irritating argument with the perfectly attractive guy in front of you.  So that left apps, even if the pickings were regrettably slim.  And only growing slimmer, if the ghost date was any indication.  You didn’t have the guts to tell Minho that this wasn’t the first time you’d been stood up.

Then you had an idea.  Your grin widened, and Minho’s irritated expression faded into apprehension.  “Well if I’m doomed to never find love,” you started, batting your eyelashes teasingly.  “Why don’t I look for the love of your life instead?”

Minho blanched, recoiling with enough force that his chair rocked back on two legs.  “Yeah, no.  I don’t think so, sweetheart.”

“I think it’s a terrific idea,” you beamed at him.  “I’ve been a successful matchmaker for a bunch of my friends, too.  I’ve just had trouble finding my own love interest.”

“What is this, a rom com?” he hissed.

You clapped your hands, overcome with excitement for the first time since the puddle.  “Oh, a romance, I wish,” you nearly swooned at the thought.  “I promise I’ll do my best.  You’d get along great with one of my friends, they’re just as irritable as you.”

Minho exhaled sharply, massaging his forehead with one hand.  He closed his eyes, muttering, “What am I doing here?”

“Wait, wait, I’m getting ahead of myself.  No matchmaking until I know you better,” you amended, whipping out a notebook and pen from your bag.  You had just about everything in there—you never knew what emergency might pop up, like brainstorming a match for a stranger.  “What are some of your hobbies?  Favorite color?  Ooh, what about first date activities you love?  Oh my goodness, wait, are you looking for men or women?”

Part of you expected Minho to shove his chair back and leave.  You wouldn’t be too upset, that just meant you’d have the table to yourself, even if you weren’t waiting on a date anymore.  But you didn’t totally hate this guy.  And another part of you kind of felt bad for him.  He’d never experienced love!  Not that you’d had a taste of true love, either, but you knew what was out there.  And it was a shame that he didn’t see that too.  It was like...someone hating your favorite holiday—unacceptable, if only because you wanted everyone to enjoy it as much as you did.

You begrudgingly admitted that another teeny tiny part of you thought he was too attractive to be so cynical of love.  Some lucky girl out there was waiting for Minho, and you were gonna help her out, even if it meant dragging the man kicking and screaming towards her.

But Minho didn’t do what you expected.  He didn’t storm off, coffee in hand, scarf flapping in the wind dramatically.  He sighed and stood up, but made no move for his coat.  “If we’re doing this, I need more coffee,” he said, then turned and made a beeline for the counter without any further explanation.

You blinked after him, more than a bit surprised.  He was...going along with this?  You tapped the pen against your chin thoughtfully, watching his shoulders flex beneath his turtleneck as he talked to Ruth.  His head turned slightly, and you caught a glimpse of his smile—a real one—taking your breath away.

Now, if only you could get him to smile like that for any potential dates.  You clicked your pen with renewed vigor, laughing when Minho approached with a new coffee, exasperation written into every line of his face.

* * * * *

It was a lovely Thursday night, and you were curled up on the couch in your comfiest pajamas.  Your only companions were a blanket, a mug of tea, and your phone, which you checked every fifteen seconds.  The first time all week that Minho hadn’t answered your messages, and it was the night of his first date.  You were buzzing with anticipation, practically vibrating as you waited for news, not caring who it came from first.

Finally, you gave up waiting, throwing the blanket as you went to reheat your tea, since you’d let it grow cold while refreshing your messages.  The second you reached the kitchen, however, you heard a buzz.  You dashed to the couch, scrambling for your phone to find a text from Mari:

He had to dip early, lame date

You nearly screeched.  He left?  Your fingers pounded the screen:

What!?!?!! Did he say whyyy?

Mari’s response was short and to the point:

An “emergency”

You could read between the lines.  Mari was irritated, to say the least, since the blind date had been your brilliant idea.  But what on earth had happened with Minho?  Your stomach dropped, considering that he might have an actual emergency.  You quickly tapped out a message to him to check in, gnawing your lip in worry.

Hey, Mari said you had an emergency, is everything ok?

You waited what felt like ten thousand years before finally seeing the little bubbles appear.  His message, however, was not worth the wait:

Didn’t get on with her

You fumed, pressing dial on his contact with enough force, you were amazed your screen didn’t crack.  “You left because you didn’t like her?” you screeched as soon as he picked up.

“Yes.”

Gaping like a fish, you fumbled for words to explain how bad that was.  “You can’t just—”

“But I did,” Minho cut you off.

“But you can’t,” you said, exasperated.  “Jeez, I thought you knew what you were doing.  Obviously not.  You need a practice date or something so my friends don’t murder you.”

Now it was Minho’s turn to squawk indignantly.  “I do not need practice,” he started.

“Yes, obviously you do.  You might look like a player but you’ve obviously never talked to a girl for more than ten minutes,” you scolded him.  “Who leaves in the middle of a date?  With that bad of an excuse?”

“I hate wasting my time.  Didn’t we discuss how we should avoid doing that with our love lives,” he snarked.

You groaned, “There’s a difference between not wasting your time and being rude as heck.”

“So what?  She was abrasive, rude, cynical, and had a terrible sense of humor,” Minho said, as casually as if he was discussing the weather.  “I can’t believe you’re friends.”

“That’s a pretty great description of you, too,” you sassed back, irritation taking over.  “We might not be that close, but you can’t just insult everyone I set you up with.”

“Who said I wanted you to set me up with anyone?”

“I assumed you did, otherwise why are you going along with this?” you tried your best to calm down, lower your voice.  But something about Minho just put your back up.

“Uh,” Minho actually seemed lost for words.  Your ears perked up, eager to catch his answer.  “My mom wants to set me up with her friends’ daughters,” he tossed out at last.

Seemed a bit too easy.  “Sure,” you drawled, leaning back on the couch.

“Yes, really,” he sneered, and you giggled, picturing the exact expression on his face.

“Ok, whatever you say,” you allowed, laughing slightly.  “But you’re still going on a practice date.  Tomorrow night, six o’clock.  Meet me at the cafe.  If you’re not there, I’m gonna find your mom and help her out.”

You hung up on him before he could argue with you, grinning madly as you concocted your plan.

* * * * *

You half expected to wait for Minho to show up, much like your friend did, but much to your surprise, he was waiting for you under the awning when you arrived.  “You’re late,” Minho accused, and you grinned sheepishly.  You may or may not have lied about the time.  Just in case.

“The queen is never late.  Everyone else is simply early,” you quipped.  Minho rolled his eyes—absolutely what you expected.  You giggled, linking your arm through his and tugging him down the sidewalk with you.

“Woah,” Minho yanked at his arm, trying to free himself.  “If you wanted to hold hands, you could have asked.”

“You’re too much of a grinch, you’d just say no.”

“Exactly.  It’s called consent, sweetheart.”

He nearly fell at the sudden freedom when you released him, shoving your hands deeper into your pockets to escape the chill.  “Alright, follow me then, you unromantic dork.”  He muttered under his breath as you skipped away, having fun despite his attitude.  Time to show him what a real date looked like.

Five seconds later, and not even two blocks from the cafe, Minho groaned, “Are we there yet?”

“No.”

A pause, then, “Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise,” you told him, not for the first time.  He’d texted you all night, demanding to know, but your lips were sealed.

Except a certain someone seemed determined to annoy the answers out of you.  “Are we there yet?”

You sighed, your skip feeling a little less peppy.  “No.”

“Are we—”

“Minho,” you ground out.  “If you ask me that one more time, I’m taking you to get your nails done.”

“Ok, sure.  I could use a bit of pampering,” he said, the epitome of casual.

You stared at him.  “This feels like a trick,” you said slowly.

A grin flashed, “That’s because it is.  It’s after six, they’re all closed by now.”  But then he frowned slightly.  “Now you have me wanting a manicure though, I’ve never gotten one.”

Your brows were practically in your hairline but you just nodded.  “Ok, another time, then,” you agreed.  You caught sight of a familiar street sign and quickened your steps.  “Almost there,” you were nearly vibrating in excitement.  You felt Minho’s eyes on you, your skin prickling with awareness, but you ignored him in favor of racing around the street corner.  And there it was—the zoo!  All lit up...all lit…...not lit up at all.  Your feet stumbled to a halt.

“So the zoo is open at night now?” Minho inquired at your shoulder.

You gaped at the dark expanse before you.  “But where are the lights?”  Because indeed, not a single light was on in the zoo.  You’d just visited, not too long ago, and they had been open for night visits, so guests could walk around and see the trees all lit up, and wave hello to a few animals in the enclosures.

“Lights?”

“The Christmas lights,” you cried out, frantic.  “They were up the last time I was here.”

“You mean a month ago?  For Christmas?  Back when it was still December?” Minho questioned you.  You nearly snapped back before you realized.  It was January.  February next week.  Of course the lights were down, what kind of idiot were you?

You groaned in defeat, slumping against the wall and sliding down to a crouch.  You threw your arms over your head.  “I don’t know what we’re going to do, then.  I’m sorry I made you walk all this way,” you mumbled into your knees, wishing you could disappear into the sidewalk.  Gosh, and you’d really dragged him along, hadn’t you?  He obviously hadn’t been that excited, and all of your mysterious “it’s a surprise” nonsense only made this a bigger disappointment.

“It’s a Friday night, things are still open, you know,” Minho pointed out.  “So what if you somehow forgot a whole month happened.  I forget the year sometimes.”

“What are you, an old man?” you tried to perk up, but the tease fell flat.

“I’m only twenty-two.  You must be ancient.”  You picked up your head to look at him.  A faint smile curled on his lips as he played along.

“Oh my gosh, I’m your noona.  If you’re a grandpa, then I’m practically in the grave,” you forced out a chuckle.

Minho’s smile grew, and he extended a hand.  “Come on, get up.  Night’s still young.”

For a moment, you simply stared at his hand.  Then you met his dark gaze, “You aren’t going to take advantage of this?  I thought you hated the whole practice date idea.”

He sighed, wiggling his fingers at you.  “I don’t hate spending time with you, alright?  Now get up or I’m leaving you here.”

Your mouth twitched, a true smile threatening to form, and not just a cover-up.  You slid your hand in his gratefully, and Minho pulled you to your feet with more strength than you thought he had.  You blinked at him, realizing he hadn’t let your hand go yet.  But the second his eyes followed your gaze, he dropped it, sliding his hands into his pants pockets instead.

“So where to?” Minho asked.

You opened your mouth to respond, remembering a pretty little outdoor skating rink, but the skies cracked open, interrupting you with a sudden deluge.  You gasped as the first fat raindrops splattered on your forehead, eyes widening before you made a mad dash for the nearest storefront, Minho already a few steps ahead of you.

You’d barely been in the rain for a minute, but the icy water had your teeth chattering already.  Had it been any colder, this would’ve been pretty snow.  Instead, you got an arctic firehose.

Arms wrapped tightly around yourself, you peered down the street.  Beside you, Minho checked a weather app, hissing through his teeth.  “Looks like rain all night,” he muttered.

You groaned again, wanting to cry.  You’d completely messed up the evening, first with the lights, and now by not checking the weather.  You’d planned an outdoor date, why hadn’t you checked?

A hand brushed your shoulder lightly, barely detectable through your coat.  “Um, this might not be what you had planned, but my apartment is actually on this street.  Wanna just order pizza?”

Your first instinct was a vehement “no”, but you stopped that answer on the tip of your tongue.  Minho wasn’t one of the sleazy guys you’d gone out with in the past, the ones who’d thought an apartment invite was more than that.  Plus, this wasn’t a real date or anything.  It was a practice date, just pals, nothing crazy about that.  So why couldn’t you grab pizza at his place?  Especially with the monsoon and a long walk back to your own place.  And no umbrella.

You found yourself nodding, shivers wracking your body.  Minho’s teeth flashed in another fierce grin, “Alright, sweetheart, let’s make a run for it.  In three, two, one—”

The two of you raced down the slick sidewalks, dodging lampposts and puddles alike.  You skidded to a stop at one of the apartment buildings, nearly slamming into Minho’s back as he yanked the door open, and the two of you tumbled into the warm lobby.  Once out of the wet, Minho shook his head like a dog, water droplets spraying everywhere, and you shrieked, hands coming up to protect yourself.

“Sorry,” Minho laughed, not sounding apologetic in the least.  “I’m on the sixth floor, so we can take the elevator,” he said, pointing you in the right direction.

The ride up was awkward; the only sound was your jacket zipper rattling from the force of your shivers.  Minho unlocked the door to his apartment, waving a hand dramatically.  You stepped inside tentatively, toeing off your boots by the door.  You watched Minho follow suit, then pad over to a closet along one wall.  Your confusion abated when he emerged with towels, passing one to you with raised brows.  The two of you were still soaking wet, and you didn’t want to track rainwater all over his apartment.

Minho was already drying his head off one-handed.  When he stopped, letting the towel slip down to rest on his shoulders, you giggled at the sight of his hair.  He made a face, only adding to the comic effect of his hair standing on end.

“I know you drink coffee, but what about hot tea?” he asked, making his way to the kitchen while you continued to dab at your clothes.

You nodded enthusiastically, eyeing the space from where you stood in the entryway.  It was pretty minimal, not a ton of color or anything, but cozy.  Black couch, gray curtains, some photos on the wall.  Fairly tidy, but definitely nothing out of a magazine.  A meow at your feet interrupted your train of thought, and you looked down to coo at the cats that were slowly approaching.  “Well aren’t you gorgeous,” you complimented the bravest of the three, who nosed at your hand gingerly.

“Soonie, Doongi, and Dori,” Minho said, pointing at each cat in turn.  He leaned on the counter while waiting for the water to boil.

“They’re adorable,” you beamed at him.  “And much more friendly.”

“Hey,” he narrowed his eyes.  “I’m friendly.”

“Yeah, right,” you laughed at him.  Your mirth was interrupted by a fierce shiver, reminding you that you might not be dripping wet, but your clothes were still icy cold.

Minho eyed you as you wrapped your arms around yourself.  “I have sweats you can borrow.”

You started to protest, but the next shudder of cold made you change your mind.  Besides, you didn’t want to get his furniture soaking wet.  So you nodded and waited while Minho disappeared into the bedroom.  You shuffled awkwardly to the kitchen, toes curling in your socks.

Minho reappeared.  “Here,” he said, voice gruff.  He pressed a pair of sweatpants into your hands, along with a fuzzy looking sweatshirt.  Your turtleneck wasn’t too wet, just a little damp along the neckline, but you slid the extra layer over your head gratefully.  Before you had to ask him, Minho pointed to a half-open door.  “The bathroom.  I’m going to get something dry on, too,” he added.

You smiled in relief, escaping to the small bathroom gratefully.  As soon as the door was shut, you were scrabbling at the soaking wet denim, peeling it down your legs.  You grimaced, not missing this experience at all after the last time.  Minho’s sweatpants were soft and oh so warm by comparison.  And fleece-lined, too.  You slung your jeans over the shower rod to dry, rolled the ankles of your borrowed pants—just enough so you wouldn’t be drowning in excess material—and went in search of that promised hot tea.

You found Minho on the phone in the kitchen.  When he noticed you, he waved you closer.  “Do you like anything on your pizza?” he asked.

“Um,” you scrambled to collect your thoughts.  “Cheese?”

Minho cracked a smile.  “Cheese it is then.  And peppers, onions, cherry tomatoes, garlic, basil,” he rattled off what sounded like an entire grocery list.  When he noticed you staring, Minho raised his brows in confusion.  You shook your head with a small laugh, leaving him to it.  On the counter behind him, you found two mugs, tea bags already steeping.  You wrapped your cold fingers around one, humming in contentment.  Finally, the shivers stopped.

“Wanna watch a movie while we wait for pizza?” Minho asked, but then he froze, grimacing.  “Oh shit, sorry.  I mean, you can go home if you want.  I don’t mean to keep you if you don’t want to stay.  I have an umbrella, and you can keep the sweats I guess—”

“Sure how about a romance?” you interrupted him, grabbing your tea and making your way to the couch.  You plopped down, eyeing Minho, who was still stiff as a board by the counter.  You giggled at him, “Maybe you’ll learn a thing or two from Mr. Darcy.”

That seemed to knock him out of his stupor.  An indignant expression wiped away any trace of sheepishness, and he stomped over to find the remote.  “Yeah right,” he scoffed.  “I’m not watching a romance.”

“A romantic comedy then,” you decided, snatching the remote out of his hands.

He grabbed it back, lightning quick.  “Action.”

You narrowed your eyes, crossing your arms defiantly.  “Drama.  Fight me and I’ll demand a Hallmark movie.”

Minho smirked, “Fight me and I’ll make it a horror movie.”

You groaned in disgust, glaring at him.  “Ok, fine, let’s fight over it.  Rock, paper, scissors?”

He rolled his eyes, but ended up on the couch beside you, holding one fist out to meet yours.  “Best out of three,” he smirked.  “Get ready for a zombie fest.”

After a crushing defeat, Minho slumped on the couch, moaning dramatically when you selected Pride and Prejudice.  You giggled at the grumpy man beside you, and his similarity to Mr. Darcy.  Most notably their matching pouts.

To your surprise, Minho didn’t interrupt the movie once.  Sure, he grumbled at first, but when you snuck a peek at him after about half an hour, you caught him watching intently.

You’d seen the movie at least a dozen times by now, but you still couldn’t resist the pull, and your heart fluttered at the brush of hands the way it did every time.  Your breath caught at every interaction, and you couldn’t tear your eyes away to save your life.  Until the pizza arrived, at least.  You were about to press play, two slices at the ready, when Minho looked over at you.  “Why are you so in love with the idea of love?” he asked.

You gaped at him for a moment, taken aback.  “What?”

“Not just the movie, but real life,” he said, twisting to face you fully.  “Why are you so determined to find Mr. Right?  Or to set me up on the perfect date?”

“Don’t you want to find someone?” you questioned him, backing away from the question.  “You can’t possibly be putting up with me just to avoid your mom playing matchmaker.  I’m literally no better than that.”

He scoffed, “You haven’t met my mother.”

“Maybe I should team up with her.”

“Oh please no.”

You grinned, grabbing a slice of pizza.  “Oh please yes,” you teased.  “Two matchmakers are better than one.”

Minho shot you an unimpressed look.  “I told her I already have a girlfriend, but I felt bad lying to her, so I’m hanging out with you instead.”

You nearly choked on your pizza.  So you were a pity friend, great.  Or worse, you weren’t even real friends, you were just a convenient excuse to alleviate Minho’s guilt complex.  You set the slice back down, no longer hungry.

“Hey, you know I’m joking, right?  That was a joke.  I’m sarcastic all the time, remember?” Minho nudged you.

“Yeah, sure.”

Minho sighed, leaning over to bump his shoulder into yours.  “I might not love the matchmaking, or this dumb movie, but I guess I’m glad we bumped into each other so I could tell you to dump ghost boy from Tinder.”  You snorted, biting back a small smile.  Noticing this, Minho forged ahead, “And this better not be part of the act to get me to forget my first question, because you still haven’t answered.”

“Minho,” you whined.  “Why does it matter?”

��Pretend it’s girls night.  We’re practically having a sleepover, minus the nail polish and braids.  This is the part where we talk about boys,” he smirked.

“I hate you.”

“Do we need to watch 10 Things I Hate About You next?”

Your brows rose.  “I thought you didn’t like romance, how do you even know that movie?”

“.....No reason.  Now answer the question already,” he huffed.

You sighed, curling up on your end of the couch.  “I guess it’s just something I’m not good at, so I can’t help wanting it to fall in my lap,” you said.  “I can’t pull all nighters to find love, that’s not how it works.”

“Well no, studying isn’t the answer,” Minho agreed.

“My parents have the kind of love I want.  I’m not rosy-eyed or anything, I know it’s hard work and commitment.  But the friendship—that’s what I love the most.”

The two of you sat in silence for a little while, Minho chewing on your words.  And you mused on your recent attempts to find a partner.  Perhaps dating apps weren’t the way to go, you admitted.  Not to Minho, though.  He’d never let you hear the end of it.

“Maybe,” Minho started.  “You should look for new friends instead of new boyfriends.”

“What do you think this is?” you laughed.  “I’ve been setting you up, not looking on Tinder or whatever for myself.”

“Good, you’ve wasted enough time on those trash apps already,” he groused.

You grinned at him, “So I guess you don’t want me to start looking for Bumble girls, huh?”

“Don’t even think about it.”

You giggled, but Minho pressed play on the movie before you could tease him any more.  To your surprise, he looked as interested in the ending as you were.  You doubted he was misty-eyed like you, though.

A yawn snuck up on you, and you glanced at the clock in surprise.  How had it gotten so late?  “I should probably be going,” you started.

“I’ll walk you home.  It’s late.”  Minho grabbed your dishes to bring to the sink, snatching them right out of your hands.  You blinked after him, then shrugged, making your way to the bathroom.

Unfortunately, your jeans were still damp, but they’d be fine for the walk home.  You squeezed yourself back into the denim, emerging with the borrowed sweatpants.  “Laundry?” you asked, since Minho was busy with the dishes.

“Just inside the bedroom, next to the door,” he gestured with his chin, hands still sudsy.

You slid the sweatshirt off as well, placing both in the hamper by the door.  Despite your curiosity, you didn’t linger, but you caught a glimpse of an equally tidy bedroom.  And a large bed with dark sheets.  Why was your heart pounding?  Mr. Darcy hadn’t been that distracting.  You shook your head, hurrying out of the room.  Only then you came face-to-face with Minho, and you had to fight a blush.  What on earth was wrong with you?

The awkwardness continued, and you felt strange and itchy the whole walk home with Minho.  You were hyper aware of how close you were under the umbrella, of the way your elbows brushed every few steps.  Minho was surprisingly quiet, as well.  Ordinarily, he’d be making fun of you by now.

As you walked the last block together, you tilted your head to look at him.  “So tonight was a fail,” you said.

“What the heck are you talking about?”

“The practice date?” you giggled at his expression.  “Total failure.”

Minho’s frown deepened, “I thought it was fun.  Even if you made me watch a period drama.”

“Oh no, it was wonderful, but the date part of it was a bust.  We need to do another, since tonight doesn’t count,” you told him, slowing to a stop in front of your building’s entrance.

“Well what does count?” Minho asked, exasperation dripping from his tone.

“Hmm, something in public.  No one ever does a private first date, and obviously that’s what you need the most help with,” you sassed.  “Maybe I’ll kick your ass in laser tag or something.”

“Maybe I should beat you in bowling,” Minho retorted.

You hummed, tapping a finger off your chin.  “You might be onto something, actually.  How about you come up with our next practice date.  That’s your homework.”

“Since when is this a class?  With homework assignments?” Minho demanded.

“Oh shut it, or I’m making profiles for you on every dating app I know.”

* * * * *

You looked over at Minho, suspicion tugging at you.  “So when you said you should beat me at bowling, did you mean it?”

“I’m going to try and win at whatever we do, I’m competitive like that,” Minho said, holding the door open for you.

“No, I mean, are you secretly a professional bowler or something?” you corrected, making your way towards the shoe rental.

Minho chuckled, “I doubt you’ll believe whatever I say.”

You opened your mouth to object, but decided he was right.  “You better not be hustling me,” you threatened, slapping cash down on the counter.

“Pay per game or pay per hour?” the attendant asked.

Minho cheekily slid a few bills beside yours.  “Best out of three?”

“Insufferable,” you muttered, watching as the attendant took his money instead of yours.

At least Minho looked just as goofy as you did.  The brightly colored bowling shoes looked very out of place against his “cool guy” outfit.  You’d already poked fun at him.  Who showed up to a date wearing sweats?  Not that he looked bad in them, but you had at least dressed up a bit.  Then again, you might not have worn a dress if you had known that bowling was on the agenda.  You tugged at the sleeves of your sweater dress, feeling a bit out of place as you looked at all of the other couples.  Jeans, slacks, more jeans...why had you decided to dress up?  You should’ve known Minho would pick something casual.

“Hey, you wanna go first, or should I?” Minho’s voice cut through your thoughts, and you shook the negativity away gratefully.

“You go ahead,” you called over to him, trying to find a smile.  What were you so worked up about?  It’s not like this was a real date.  You could have shown up in a potato sack if you wanted, you weren’t trying to impress anyone, least of all Minho.  On that thought, maybe he had the better idea after all.  You eyed his sweatpants enviously.  You knew how comfy they were, and they’d doubtless be better than the tights you were terrified of ripping.

“Ok sweetheart, prepare for a thrashing,” Minho joked, selecting a bowling ball from the rack.

“You prepare for a thrashing,” you countered, despite knowing it was an empty threat.  You probably needed the bumpers if you wanted anything but gutter balls.  Then you caught sight of the names on the board.  “Did you seriously make my nickname ‘Loser’?  What are we, five?”

Minho smirked as he passed you.  “We’ve been over this, I’m a grandpa, you’ve got one foot in the grave.  Childish antics are beneath us,” he said with a laugh.

“So you’re ‘Lee Know’?” you inquired, curious about his chosen nickname.

Minho turned to face you, tilting his head.  “Yeah, that’s what my friends call me.”

“...Am I supposed to call you that?”

“We’re friends, aren’t we?  Call me whatever you want.  Just not ‘asshole’,” he joked.  Your heart warmed, and a true smile found its way to your lips.  You watched as Minho wiggled a little, eyeing the pins at the end of the lane.  Then, to your utmost surprise, he turned around and rolled the ball between his legs.

“What?” you choked on a laugh, nearly falling over at the sight.  Minho backed up, and you both watched as the ball rolled down the lane, painfully slow.  It ended up knocking down half of the pins, much to your surprise.  Minho just looked proud as he picked up another ball.  Miracle of miracles, he wound up with a spare.

You had no words, didn’t even bother trying to explain how his technique had any sort of success.  Your own attempt was...pitiful by comparison.  Your form looked good, but both balls wound up in the gutter in a matter of seconds.

Minho didn’t waste the opportunity to gloat.  “Told you I’d beat you at bowling,” he said with a wink.

You grumbled, flopping down onto the bench next to him.  “I didn’t expect you to be successful at the toddler technique.”

“Give it a go, maybe we’ll change your nickname if you win,” he laughed, getting up for his turn.

Halfway through the game, you even tried the ‘toddler technique’.  This was also a fail, made worse with the mortifying realization that your underwear would be visible if you bent over too far.  When your attempt ended up in the gutter, you resolved to get bumpers for the next game.

But Minho had other plans.  You had just approached the lane when you felt a hand on your shoulder.  “Keep your wrist straight, you keep twisting it at the last second,” he said.

You turned to face him, finding him close behind you.  “Anything else, wise one?”

“Don’t overthink it,” he smiled at you.  This close, you could swear his eyes were twinkling.  “We can both go get bumpers next round, I need them almost as much as you.  I’m amazed at my own streak of luck tonight.”

“I’m terrible at bowling,” you whined, looking away from him.  Your cheeks felt warm.  Gosh, it was embarrassing to be this bad.

“We can go do something else, we don’t even need to finish this game, let alone all three.  As long as you’re having fun, I’m happy.”

You glanced at him from the corner of your eye, but looked away quickly.  He was watching you so intently, the flush burned hotter, threatening to run down your neck.  “I’m sorry you paid for so many games.  We can definitely finish them, it’s fine—”

“I’ll never make you do something you don’t want to do,” Minho murmured.  You looked at him in surprise, surprised to hear him sounding sincere rather than snarky.  “Otherwise, I’d be a shitty friend, wouldn’t I?”

“Right, yeah.  An asshole friend,” you agreed, nearly stumbling over the words.

“Ok, I’ll let you focus on your first strike of the night.  Don’t overthink it,” he reminded you, walking back to the bench.

You nodded, ignoring the tight feeling in your stomach that reminded you of disappointment.  And you sank another one right into the gutter.

Minho’s solution to the bowling fiasco was consolation ice cream.  Somewhat surprising, since a part of you had expected him to gloat.  Instead, he talked about anything and everything but bowling, entertaining you while you both sat at the window of the local shop.  You simply watched him, enraptured.  He had hardly opened up at all to you at first.  Visiting his apartment felt like the first peek into the real Minho.  The happy memories captured in picture frames, the handmade mementos here and there on shelves, all hints as to the soft interior of your once-prickly friend.  Now he was regaling you with stories of his best friends—brothers, by the sound of it.  Loving rivalry, playful banter, sibling torment.  And the look on his face...pride.  He was proud of them, his family.

Then you paused, tilted your head to look at him anew.  When had Minho stopped being prickly?  Where was the cynical, negative, angsty boy you’d befriended, partly out of spite?  When had he stopped trying to hold you back with barbed wire edges?

When Minho caught your gaze, he lifted one brow, mouth twitching into a crooked smile.  “See something you like?” he sassed you.  But his remark was devoid of bitterness.  It wasn’t mocking, it was warm, inviting.  It was asking you to join in on the joke.

“Yeah,” you said softly.  Then you turned up the wattage on your smile, grinning widely at him.  “What’s cookin’, good lookin’?”

Minho rolled his eyes at your antics, spinning his ice cream cone between his fingers.  But hidden behind your grin was more than a little truth.

* * * * *

You knocked on the door, stepping back tentatively.  You could hear raucous laughter on the other side, which would ordinarily have you curious, maybe a little excited to join in.  Not tonight.  Right now, standing in the hallway outside Minho’s apartment, you were nervous as hell.  And on top of it all, you were nearly an hour late, having dragged your feet the whole way there.

“Stop it, this is ridiculous,” you muttered to yourself, shifting from foot to foot.  It felt like meeting the parents, which was dumb.  Firstly, you and Minho were not dating.  Secondly, these were his best friends, not his parents.  And thirdly, you and Minho were good friends.  You had nothing to worry about.  Absolutely nothing.

Which was why you were currently worrying all over the place about meeting Minho’s best friends.  What if they hated you?  Or worse, what if they pitied you?  You thought you’d disappear into a crack in the earth if that happened.

Before you could spend too long contemplating your inevitable end, the door swung open, and a boy came rushing out at you.  You gasped, jumping back before he could run into you.

“Sorry, sorry, excuse me!” he blurted, skidding to a stop, then immediately taking off running down the hallway.

You blinked in confusion, but your eyes only widened when a second boy came barrelling out of the apartment after the first.  “Minho?”

Minho paused briefly, eyes alighting on your stiff figure.  “Hi!  Um, I need to take care of something, but I’ll be right back.  Go on in,” he waved at you, breaking into a jog, and then a sprint.

Immensely confused, you peered into the apartment, now that the door was wide open.  Now or never, you told yourself firmly.  Easing through the doorway, you caught sight of six more boys in various states of chaos.  Upon noticing your entrance, they all froze.  “Uh, hello there,” came a voice on your right.  You looked over to see two boys in the kitchen, appearing to be mid-struggle with a bag of popcorn.  “You must be Minho’s friend, he said you’d be coming.”

You gave a tiny wave, pasting on a sunshine smile.  “Hi guys, it’s nice to meet you, I think?  Should I be concerned about the escapee?”

Popcorn boy number two laughed, arms bulging as he ripped open the bag.  “Oh no, Hyunjin will be fine.  Minho hasn’t made him eat toilet paper in years, he’s above that now.”  You must have looked concerned, because the boy chuckled again, waving you off.  “It’s all empty threats with that one.  Mostly.  I’m Changbin, by the way.”

Popcorn boy number one stepped forward, extending a hand to shake.  “I’m Chan, and this is our menagerie of chaos.  Let me introduce you to everyone,” he offered.  You grinned at him, relieved.

By the time Minho returned, practically dragging Hyunjin with him, you were giggling on the couch with the rest of the boys, embroiled in a fierce MarioKart race.  With Hyunjin still trapped in a headlock, Minho paused to watch.  You just barely caught a glimpse of him from the corner of your eye, too focused on staying on the track.  Jeongin had chosen Rainbow Road for your first match, and you were determined to crush them in the dust.  Even if it had been several years since you last played.

You watched as your character was knocked off the edge, a cry of dismay falling from your lips.  “Dang it, I wasn’t even in first place, what gives?”

Han grinned victoriously, only to cry out when he accidentally drove over the edge as well.  “Friends fall together?” he joked.

“You made me go ziplining.  Alone,” Minho said, announcing his presence at last.

“Uhhhh,” Han fumbled for an excuse.  “You love me anyway, though, right?”

Before Minho could retort, Seungmin stood up.  “You can play next, if you want,” he offered.

The rest of you blinked at him in surprise, before looking at his screen and realizing he’d already won the race.  Jeongin groaned dramatically, flailing on the couch as he came in second.  You and Han just gave up entirely, letting your characters fall off the track once more.  Meanwhile, Minho finally decided to release Hyunjin, and the blonde escaped to the other end of the couch, diving into a bowl of chips like nothing had happened.

Felix looked excited, so you tossed him your remote for the next round.  “I believe I was promised food,” you said, arching an eyebrow in Minho’s direction.

“I believe I told you to arrive at six,” he fired back, stalking towards you.  He finally stopped a foot away, looming over you.

You smirked at him, “What did I tell you on our first date?”

The room went silent, and you froze, realizing your mistake.  “You guys are dating and you didn’t tell us?” Han exclaimed, eyes wide.

Your mouth opened and closed, but you couldn’t seem to find any words.

“Oh yeah, real fancy dates, too.  We had dinner at the Eiffel tower last week,” Minho drawled.  “Isn’t that right, sugar plum?”  The cherry on top was when he reached out, lightly pinching your cheek.

A stranger might have mistaken his dry tone for sincerity, but everyone in the room knew Minho’s humor well.  Half of the group dissolved into giggles.  Changbin rolled his eyes and threw a pillow, but Minho caught it before it could smack into you.  “No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend,” Changbin joked.

“All those promises and no follow through,” Han clucked his tongue in mock-disapproval, then ducked when Minho tossed the pillow at him next.

Your cheeks threatened to catch on fire again.  The situation only worsened when you met Minho’s dark gaze, his eyes ensnaring you.  “So,” you threw out desperately, clapping your hands together.  “The food?  Or am I going to starve?  Not very boyfriend-like,” you tried to laugh.  The joke must have been convincing, because the boys merely chuckled, going back to their game.

Minho still hadn’t moved from where he stood over you.  Instead of moving back so you could get up, he extended a hand.  You bit your lip, teeth digging in, but you placed your hand in his rather than make a scene.  The last thing you wanted was more attention, especially with your cheeks warming up past their usual temperature.

Fortunately, he released you as soon as you regained your footing.  Your fingers flexed lightly, hand falling back to your side.  You kept your chin high as you followed Minho to the kitchen, ignoring the prickling feeling that the boys were still watching you.

“Pizza?” you blurted out, incredulous.  “Don’t you eat anything else?”

Minho snorted, leaning against the counter.  “For the record, I do know how to cook.”

You snooped in the fridge, disbelieving.  “Of course, all evidence points to you being a five star chef,” you said, casting a pointed look at the empty shelves within.

He chuckled, folding his arms while he watched you investigate.  “Sweetheart, if you wanted me to cook for you, all you had to do was ask.”

You hummed, closing the refrigerator once more.  “I’m kinda afraid you’ll burn something, to be honest,” you teased, grabbing a plate from the cabinet and selecting a slice of now-cold pizza.  You popped the pizza in the microwave, then relaxed against the counter opposite Minho.  He was still watching you intently, and you frowned.  “What?  Do I have something on my face?” you asked him.

Minho shook his head wordlessly.  Self-consciousness took hold, and you looked down awkwardly, brushing your hair behind one ear.  “Hey, I’m sorry about what I said.  I totally didn’t mean it the way it came out.”

“I know,” he said, one corner of his mouth quirking up in a half smile.

You tipped your chin again, unable to look at him for long.  Even if Minho seemed to forgive your blunder, you still couldn’t believe you’d blurted that out.  Your hair fell in front of your face again, and you let it, happy to hide behind the locks.

Then another pair of feet appeared a few inches from yours.  Plain black socks next to your patterned ones, covered in cartoon rainbows.  Then a butterfly touch along the side of your face, soft enough that you almost doubted the sensation.  You lifted your gaze, but this time, Minho’s eyes weren’t on yours.  Instead, his laser focus was directed on the hair he was gently situating behind your ear again.

You realized you had forgotten to breathe when he finally took a step back, and your lungs remembered to inflate.

“For the record, you’re right,” Minho said softly.  “The queen is never late.”

* * * * *

It was nearing midnight by the time Minho’s friends started leaving.  You eyed the clock, then went to grab your shoes as well.  “I better get going, I want to get home sometime before dawn,” you joked.

“How close do you live?  Are you taking the bus?” Chan asked, worry evident in his tone.

You waved him off, “I’m just a few blocks away, not too long of a walk.  Bus doesn’t run after ten or so, anyway.”

Chan frowned, but Minho cut him off before he could say anything.  “I was going to walk her home, it’s pretty late.”

That was a surprise to you, but seemed to alleviate Chan’s concern.  The others waved goodbye on their way out, Chan following them.  “Nice to meet you,” he said, shooting you a quick grin before closing the door behind him.

“You really don’t have to,” you started.

“I want to.  It’s late,” Minho reminded you.

“I didn’t argue last time, but I didn’t want to steal your umbrella.”  You narrowed your eyes at him.  “I’m not some little girl in need of protection.  It’s a perfectly safe neighborhood.”

Minho didn’t look up, busy tying his shoes.  “I like walking.”

“At midnight?”

“Any time of day, really.”

You rolled your eyes.  “Do you walk Jeongin home, too?”

“Sure did.  He moved in with Han, though, so I don’t anymore,” he said simply.  “You don’t have a roommate.  If no one’s there to make sure you get home safe, I want to walk with you.”

You gaped at him, unable to fault his logic.  And not really wanting to.  “Thanks,” you murmured, scuffing one shoe into the floor.

Minho stood up again, a crooked smile on his lips.  “Don’t mention it,” he said, snagging his keys.  “After you.”

Walking home with Minho, you were reminded of the first time.  Then, you’d been so awkward, quiet.  Unsure of yourself.  You’d been worried that you were some kind of pity friend at first, but after getting to know Minho, you knew that wasn’t the case.  And now that you’d grown comfortable around each other, you could hardly get him to shut up.  Even now, he was talking about his dance team’s newest choreo, his words running together from excitement.

You smiled, just listening.  This was all you really wanted, if you let yourself admit it.  The Tinder dates were just a shit attempt at finding someone to sit and listen to for hours.  You wanted movie nights and quiet mornings with someone who cared about you.  You wanted a cute little house and kids and a dog.  Maybe a cat.  Maybe three.

Shit.

You were so wrapped up in your realization that you didn’t realize you’d reached your apartment building until Minho snagged your elbow to pull you to a stop.  “This isn’t a midnight hike, where do you think you’re going?” he asked incredulously.

You laughed nervously, “Oh, sorry, I was pretty lost in thought.”

“Apparently.  Were you listening to a word I said?  Some friend you are,” he snorted.

Friend.  Right.  Your realization didn’t mean much.  Why were you surprised?  You hadn’t had luck in the romantic department in years, why would that change now?  Minho was your friend, and it was obvious that his opinion of you wasn’t going to change.  Why would it?  He was way out of your league.

Gosh, now you felt like a fool.  You’d really just daydreamed about a happily ever after with him.  Why did you ever bother getting your hopes up?  You were always bound for disappointment.  Hadn’t your crappy dates taught you anything?

Minho called your name, bringing you back down to reality.  “Sorry,” you muttered, fumbling in your bag to find your keys.

“Are you alright?” he asked.  Shoot, now he sounded concerned.

You pasted a sunny smile on your face, “Totally fine.  Thank you for walking me back.  I won’t keep you any longer.”

You turned away to walk up the steps, but the smile fell as soon as he was out of sight.  How were you only just coming to the realization that you were halfway—or perhaps all the way—in love with him?  His face was burned into your mind’s eye.  Brows furrowed in confusion, slight pout, and those damned eyes.  You’d probably been in love with his eyes from the beginning.

“I only agreed to let you play matchmaker so I could see you again.”

You stopped at the top of the steps, not quite believing your ears.  Turning slightly, you looked at Minho over your shoulder.

Once he had your attention, he continued, “I bailed on the date with your friend because I knew you’d yell at me.”

Lips parting in surprise, you turned to face him fully.  Minho put a foot on the first step, gaze locked on yours.  You weren’t sure what he saw when he looked at you, but his mouth softened into a slight smile.

“I was going to do the classic move of teaching you to bowl, but I chickened out,” he said.  “I wish I hadn’t.”

“What are you...why are you telling me this?” you asked, fingers curling nervously.

He ascended another step, “You only smile like that when you’re sad.  When you start getting in your own head about what you deserve.”  Another step, “And I’m tired of hiding.”

Now he was only two steps away.  Close enough to touch, if you dared to reach out.  You didn’t.  “We’re friends,” you said, voice small.

“Yeah, we are,” he agreed.  Then he bit his lip, drawing your attention like bees to honey.  You sucked in a breath, closing your eyes firmly.  When you opened them, Minho was on the step just below you.  “Tell me to stop,” he said, voice low.  You didn’t.

Your breath stuttered to a stop, your whole body stilling at the electric shock of his lips on yours.  For a moment, you were frozen, utterly focused on the whisper of a touch.  Then Minho pulled away, and you could breathe again, gasping for air.  But you didn’t want it to be over.  Your eyes fluttered open, finding his dark gaze melting into you.

This time, you let yourself fall into him, ignoring the voice in the back of your head that said this was a fantasy.  He caught you, one arm wrapping around your waist, his other hand coming to your jawline.  He ascended that final step, pulling your body into his.  His lips were plush, a little dry.  Real.  Minho was here, warm under your fingertips.

His hand slid up into your hair, slowly enough to make you shiver.  You sighed into the kiss, goosebumps appearing on your arms as his fingers gently tugged the strands.  And then his mouth opened beneath you, and you let yourself tumble into sensation, drowning in him.

You don’t know how long you kissed, but your heart was racing when you finally came up for air.  Minho panted, little breaths puffing against your lips.  He rested his forehead against yours, the weight somehow grounding you.

“Do you understand now?”  Minho’s voice was hoarse, deeper than before.  You shivered, just a bit, and the corner of his lips twitched up.

You couldn’t find words, unable to string any coherent thoughts together.  And you didn’t really want to, happy to have your mind all to yourself, no doubts in sight.  You leaned forward, placing a small kiss on the tip of Minho’s nose.  He scrunched his face up, making you giggle.  But you needed to know one thing.  “Are we—are things different now?”

“We’re dating.  Unless you don’t want that,” he backtracked, eyes wide.

You grinned at him.  “I do.”

He heaved out a sigh of relief.  “Thank goodness.  I thought I really fucked up there.”

Now you really laughed, head falling forward to rest on his chest.  Minho’s arms tightened around you, pulling you closer than you thought was possible.  You could hear his heartbeat, thudding just as fast as yours.

“You said the friendship was your favorite part of love,” Minho mused.  You hummed in agreement, nodding against him.  “Well I hope you don’t get sick of me.  I hear I’m pretty annoying.”

“Minho,” you rolled your eyes.

“I know you just rolled your eyes at me,” he teased.

“Well, you are annoying.  But I suppose it’s a part of your charm.”

He chuckled, “So that means you like my jokes?”

You smiled fondly, “Don’t push it.”

* * * * *

Masterlist

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

The Gang FINALLY sees how much of a BAMF Merlin is:

 A smidge of Angst, but only because everyone is stupid :)

Part 4 of Merlin’s angry outburst. The Gang has ridden out (refusing to let Merlin and Arthur go alone) to a battlefield that will only have two bodies on display. One of them is Merlin’s.

This was meant to be the last bit but it was getting so long and I kept thinking of extra shit to put in soooooooo. Hopefully this is the penultimate part? But who knows lol.

TW: Lots of death (the final battle yo)

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 5

They ride the whole first day in silence. Not even Gwaine has any jokes or stupid stories to tell, and the atmosphere is tense.

The time between Morgana rushing into the council meeting, and the group riding towards what looked to be Merlin's death, had blurred by. No one really had any time to think, but now, riding in silence, all they could focus on was the fact that they were knowingly heading to what could be Merlin’s demise.

No one concentrates on anything but urging their horses to travel as fast as possible, and Arthur shortly telling everyone to stop and make camp were the first words spoken for the whole journey.

No one replies, they just dismount their horses, and wordlessly go about clearing an area for the fire, laying out food, and checking the surrounding area for danger.

Merlin stalks off before anyone can stop him, intent on setting up some wards before anyone settles down. He’s clearly pissed, and Arthur shakes his head when Lancelot gives him a look, “Want me to go with him?” .

Arthur follows instead, trusting the others to set up properly whilst he and Merlin have a much needed private conversation.

It doesn't take too long to find him. He's noticed that, recently. Ever since the link was forged he always seems to be able to find Merlin first try. Before, he had to scour the whole castle to have a chance of finding his wayward manservant (and then his wayward Court Sorcerer), and even then sometimes he couldn't manage it.

It's comforting. In a way. Knowing that they'll always be able to find one another.

Arthur sees him in the trees ahead, facing away from him, his hands up in front of his body. He can hear him muttering something that Arthur doesn’t understand under his breath.

Years ago, Arthur would think that Merlin hadn't noticed him. But Arthur knows him better now. He knows the ever so slight hitch in his Sorcerer’s left shoulder means "I hear you. I see you. I know you're there." .

"You can't know that everything's going to be ok."

Merlin sighs and turns back to look at him, still visibly frustrated with everyone’s obvious fretting. Neither make any moves to walk closer:

"Course I can. I had a chat with Kilgharrah on the way here-"

(He taps his forehead as he says this)

"-no other Emrys-killing weapons have been made, and the only one anywhere near us, is yours. As long as you don’t stab me, I'll be fine."

Arthur huffs and shuffles his feet at this:

"Merlin, the vision. You weren't waking up and you heard what Morgana said. Why are you so intent to ride to what is almost certainly going to be your death, when our armies could win this battle anyway?"

Arthur is trying to sound firm, but his face gives him away. He was never all that good at hiding his true emotions when it was just him and Merlin, and his expression is sad and desperate.

It's only at that, that Merlin walks towards Arthur, putting his hands on his shoulders:

"That vision doesn't show everything. And yes, that may have been the clearest vision Morgana has had during this whole bloody war thing, but the future is still fluid. Nothing is set in stone. Arthur, I'll be fine. And besides, an all out battle means blood spilt, theirs and ours. If I can do anything to prevent that, then there is no choice, not for me."

The King clenches his jaw, before pulling Merlin into a tight hug. The Sorcerer let's out a surprised "oof" but grips back just as tightly, burying a hand in Arthur's hair.

Arthur speaks aloud this time, so quietly Merlin barely hears it even with Arthur's face in his neck. Perhaps thinking this is important enough that it has to be vocalised:

"Why have you got to be so bloody self sacrificial? I couldn't bear to lose you, Merlin. I need you with me, by my side."

Merlin smiles slightly at that, but doesn't let go:

"I'll always be with you. Nothing in this life or the next, could pull me away from you. I...-"

He hesitates here, but Arthur tightens his grip, and he takes a deep breath before continuing:

"-...this is where I belong. Right here, right now. With you."

Arthur squeezes him once again and pulls back, gently laying his forehead against Merlin's, very reminiscent of the spell cast all those weeks ago.

The both of them keep their eyes closed, even as Arthur speaks:

"We're having a conversation about... this, when we get back. We're ALSO having a conversation about your self sacrificial tendencies."

Merlin laughs and pulls back at that:

“Only if we have a conversation about yours first.”

The King rolls his eyes fondly, and turns to walk back, but pauses momentarily, without looking back:

“I may not understand your magical mutterings, but I know that you’ve finished setting the wards up. Are you going to come back? Or are you going to come up with another excuse for you to watch me leave so you can stare at my arse?”

Merlin flushes at that, and lets out a mumbled “Shut up.” before speed walking past a laughing Arthur, towards camp.

The whole group seems to relax once they realise that the tension between Merlin and Arthur had been resolved (or at least... changed. A different type of tension. The type that made Leon want to lay their bedrolls on opposite sides of the camp).

The evening passes quietly, nothing of note happening, and soon enough, everyone is asleep.

The next few days aren’t quite as tense, but they still hurry their horses, taking few breaks. It was wordlessly agreed that they wanted to get there as quickly as possible, so that they might have time to assess the situation properly.

Everyone was still understandably worried, but with Merlin being so relaxed, and Arthur seeming ok (ish) with what was happening, they kept their anxieties to themselves.

It’s the second night they stop to make camp, that Gwaine informs them that if they keep the same pace and get up early, they should be there just before noon the next day. 

Everyone is a little tense at that, but Merlin speaks first:

“I’d say the rain isn’t going to hit until noon. If we move quickly, we should have at least a little time to plan..”

The group once again relaxes at that, grateful that they would at least have time to think things through, and check the surrounding area, before anything happened.

The relaxed atmosphere doesn’t last long, however. When they’d first stopped to make camp (that was around three hours ago now) Morgana had sat straight down, out of the way, and began to meditate. Without warning, she opens her eyes with a flash of gold, and lets a tear slip down her cheek before looking to Merlin.

He furrows his brows, and begins to speak before she can say anything:

“Morgana? What did you see?”

She lets out a humourless laugh, drawing even more worried attention from the group, before she replies:

“I’ve been trying to look past tomorrow. The near future, the far future, anything. Anything that might clue us in to the outcome. You know what I see?-”

Everyone is staring at her, clearly anxious, but she doesn’t take her eyes off Merlin, not even when Gwen places a gentle hand on her shoulder:

“-I see your mother and Gaius, quietly crying. I see Arthur, with a golden crown on his head, and a silver crown in his hands. I see a tombstone, with a name I can’t quite make out. I see your chambers, empty and cold, unlived in and covered in dust. I see... I see us. All nine of us that is, sat around our table. But one of the seats is empty, your seat. And all of us look... blank. That, is what I see, Merlin. And through all of it, I can feel your absence like a flame on my skin. I can see past tomorrow with ease. But I can’t see you.”

Morgana looks devastated. Everyone else in the group looking various mixes of shocked, scared, heartbroken.

Merlin nods slightly, and frowns staring into his lap. He was so certain that... logically, he should be fine. He’s died before and been fine. But Morgana’s visions are rarely that inaccurate, and if she’s stopped seeing his future entirely... well. It wasn’t a good sign.

He hums thoughtfully, before wiping the expression off his face and looking up determinedly:

“That changes nothing. I either do this, and everyone bar me survives, though I still think I’ll be fine, or we ignore your visions entirely, ride back to Camelot, and risk the life of every single one of Camelot’s citizens. And that’s not an option, so we’re just going to have to see what happens.”

Everyone opens their mouth to protest at the same time, but before any of them can make even a sound, Merlin jumps up, and speaks again. His voice is sharp, and invites no argument:

“NO. I said it’s not an option. This is what I do. I always used to hate the idea of a pre-written destiny, but if I’m meant to die tomorrow, then fine. So be it. I will NOT put my own life above anyone else’s. Especially not a whole kingdom’s, and ESPECIALLY not any of yours.”

He breathes deeply, and after giving a short glare to everyone individually, he sits down again. 

He’s seated between Arthur (who had barely left his side) and Percival, who takes the Sorcerer’s hand in his own, holding it in his lap.

Merlin smiles at him as he attempts to pull his hand back:

“I’m fine Perc, I don’t need comforting. I always figured I would end up dying before you lot anyway-”

Everyone shuffles uncomfortably at that. No one likes to think about outliving one of their closest friends:

“-not that I think I’m gonna stay dead anyway. But that’s not the point.”

Percival holds onto Merlin’s hand tightly, but stares into the fire as he replies quietly:

“This isn’t comfort for you, Merlin. It’s comfort for me.”

Merlin seems taken aback at this, like he had only just considered that his friends might need comforting in the first place. He forgets sometimes (read: most of the time) , that he is as important to these people, as they are to him. He can’t imagine willingly going to any of their deaths, not without putting up one hell of a fight.

He nods, after he wipes the shock from his face, and settles his hand in Percival’s, instead of trying to pull away:

“I’m sorry. I know this can’t be easy for any of you-”

(as he speaks, he lets his other hand subtly gather up the fabric of Arthur’s cloak, for his own sake or Arthur’s, he’s not sure)

“-but I need you to trust me. Believe me, I’m not trying to get myself killed permanently... I mean dying even temporarily isn’t exactly fun but... you know. I’ll be fine.”

It’s Gaius that replies first. The others were especially worried about the physician, he was practically Merlin’s father at this point, and none of them thought they could cope with having to comfort the man if they lost Merlin.

“It’s not that we don’t trust you, Merlin. We’re just... worried. And it’s not like you’re well known for considering your own safety when it comes to planning for any sort of conflict.”

Merlin looks as if he’s going to protest, but Gwen beats him to the punch:

“Don’t argue Merlin. You can’t deny that you have a habit of jumping head first into the fray.” She says it with a small smile, but it’s weak, and Merlin suddenly feels guilty for all those times he’s worried his friends. 

He threw himself into situations he was sure he would be able to survive, without considering the fact that none of the people he cared about had the same assurances. 

His reply makes everyone chuckle

“Yeah, well. You know me. I’ve never been much of a planner.-”

The Sorcerer squeezes Percival’s hand once more, before continuing:

“-But it’s late, and if we want to get up early we should head to sleep.”

The group nods in agreement, and all begin to shuffle to their bedrolls, having hushed individual conversations as Arthur declares that he and Merlin would take the first watch.

(No one questions it. They rarely set watches nowadays, Merlin’s wards have become incredibly reliable over the years, but all of them understand that The King and The Sorcerer need this time.)

Other than Merlin and Arthur, Percival was the last to leave his seat, ruffling Merlin’s hair as he gives him a weak smile, before making his way to his roll to undoubtedly toss and turn through the night, like everyone else.

The King and The Sorcerer didn’t move from their spots next to each other, and, at some point during the conversation, Arthur had replaced the clutched fabric of his cloak with his own hand.

They stay silent for a while, not really knowing what to say. Despite everyone’s worries, the rest of the group is asleep after not too long. It had been two days of hard travel and sleeping rough, and no one would admit it but they were all exhausted.

Both of them seem to realise that there was little chance of them getting to have those conversations at a later date. The two of them struggled individually on what would be worse: forcing the conversation now before it was too late but knowing that might be the end of it, or leaving everything unsaid and leaving Arthur with the regret.

Merlin was inclined to leave it unsaid. As far as he was concerned, he would still be fine (though he was now unsure if he was right, or if he was just in denial).

Arthur wanted to get it off his chest. He may be a tad emotionally constipated, but Merlin is... well... Merlin. It took him a while to realise his feelings for Merlin, but once he did, it was like an unending avalanche.

On some level, Arthur knew that Merlin felt the same, but would it be cruel? Or distracting? For him to voice it now, before everything?

He remembers saying weeks ago “We’ve plenty of time before things kick off” . But that time had passed. It had flown by. Arthur thought he would have forever with Merlin, even when the war was declared he wasn’t worried. But suddenly there was no more time. He might lose him tomorrow.

Did he want to taint what few hours they had left with an emotional confession that could wreck them both? Or should he leave it, steadfast in the belief that Merlin knew. Which would be crueller?

In the end, Arthur decided that he wouldn’t be able to live with it: the doubt, the regret, if he never said anything, and... something... happened.

He grips Merlin’s hand tighter in his own, and swallows, but before he could say anything:

“I know.” Merlin doesn’t look at him when he thinks it, but squeezes The King’s hand in return.

“No, I... you have to let me... I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t, so just-”

Merlin does look at him then, and gives him a gentle smile to stop him rambling:

“Ok, Arthur. I’m here, I’m listening, I hear you.”

Arthur meets his gaze, a steady stream of tears down his face that causes Merlin to frown slightly:

“I... Merlin-”

Arthur struggles with the words, thinking back, he can’t remember a time he’s actually said them out loud. Ever.

He clears his throat, straightens his back, and steels his eyes. Merlin deserved the truth. And Merlin felt the same, he had never been more sure of anything:

“Merlin, I love you. And if you don’t come back to me at the end of tomorrow, I will never forgive you.”

His resolve cracks slightly at the end, but Merlin smiles at him fondly, teary eyed himself:

“I love you too. And I already told you, Arthur, I will always come back to you.”

Arthur grips Merlin’s hand tighter, and buries his head in the Sorcerer’s neck. Merlin wrapped his arms around him, and leans back against the log they were sitting against.

They fall asleep like that, the two of them wrapped in Arthur’s cloak. At some point during the night, Arthur’s head had slipped down onto Merlin’s chest, but neither moved. If anything, Arthur found he could sleep easier with Merlin’s steady heartbeat in his ears.

~

The Gang woke when it was still dark, but not in the way they had planned.

They all wake with a start, automatically pulling out swords and summoning weapons, before they realise that the blizzard like wind and deafening roar, was just Kilgharrah, landing on the edge of their camp.

They settle for only a moment, before they realise that Merlin hadn’t summoned him, which meant he turned up of his own volition, and that meant he brought news. And knowing Kilgharrah, it probably wasn’t good news.

Merlin approaches him quickly, a frown on his face and Arthur close behind him:

“What is it Kilgharrah, is Camelot ok?”

The Dragon lowered his head to meet Merlin’s worried stare before replying:

“Yes, the city is safe, young Warlock. I have left Aithusa to watch over it whilst I tracked you here. The army you face is in front of you, not behind you.”

Morgana speaks up quickly after that, a frown on her face:

“What army? I haven’t foreseen any big battles in a while, believe me, I’ve been looking. The only people that should be in that meadow, is us, and whoever... and one other man.”

Kilgharrah looks over the group slowly before looking back at Merlin and replying:

“It appears, Emrys, that you will finally get a chance to show off the extent of your power. An army is waiting for you, in that meadow, and you are the only one with the capacity to defeat them.”

Merlin takes a deep breath, and clenches his hands (one of which is quickly taken by Arthur. Another example of neither of them knowing which of them the action was meant to comfort):

“I don’t know if I’m that powerful Kilgharrah, I’ve never-”

“The only reason you do not know the breadth of your power, is because you’ve never before come even close to your limits.”

“But I-”

“Your magic is tied to nature, Emrys. Use it. Bend it to your will. The entirety of the world will move at your whim, you need only ask-”

Before Merlin can reply, or ask what the hell that means, Kilgharrah lifts his head suddenly, as if hearing something, and looks briefly to Merlin once more as he replies, before flying off:

“Have faith, young Warlock, in yourself and in destiny. I must leave you now.” 

Everyone stands still, not quite in shock, but definitely confused, all bar Merlin, who just looks annoyed:

“Fucking typical. What’s the use of being a Dragon Lord if my giant pet lizard is going to be so bloody cryptic all the time.” is mumbled by the Warlock, as he looks towards the sun, just about rising over the horizon.

He sighs once more, before:

“Come on then. I suppose that was a good a wake up call as any. We should pack up and get going if we want to get a look at this army.-”

The next bit is mumbled to himself as he lets go of Arthur’s hand and wanders off to dismantle the wards:

“-And I suppose I now have half a day’s journey to figure out to beat it. That’s just great.”

It only takes a moment before the group launches into action, now freshly tense at the revelation that there was an army, and there was only ten of them.

They had faith in Merlin, and Morgana was there as well. And if everything really went to shit, there could be two dragons there to lend a helping hand (or claw) as well. But still. An army. That was big.

They’re riding out on the last leg of the journey within an hour, everyone having regained the tenseness that they had on the first day. Though all of them are slightly comforted by the fact that Kilgharrah hadn’t mentioned Merlin dying. He may be a cryptic bastard, but that definitely seemed like something he would bring up.

~

Gwaine’s directions and timings were accurate, they reached the edge of the seemingly empty meadow around half an hour before the sun hit the centre of the sky.

They remain hidden in the trees, Merlin casting a quick enchantment to shield them from being detected, before looking to Morgana and nodding.

The two of them close their eyes and stretch their arms forward, towards the meadow. A few mutterings and tilted heads later, they open their eyes. Merlin looking grim, but determined, and Morgana looking scared.

Lancelot is the first to speak:

“What is it, what’ve they go out there?”

Merlin looks at him briefly, before darkly saying:

“Why don’t I show you?”

With that, he once more raises his arm towards the meadow. His eyes glow brightly and he speaks quietly, other hand clenched at his side.

After a few moments, tendrils of light extend from his fingertips, and snake out around the perimeter of the meadow. Once the meadow is surrounded, Merlin twists his wrist sharply, and the tendrils turn inwards, shooting towards the centre point. After only a few metres they seem to meet an invisible barrier, and explode upwards towards the sky.

The light is blinding enough to force the gang to all shield their eyes, but they quickly open again when they hear an uproarious cacophony of noise.

What they see, is a huge army gathered at the far end of the field, packing up camp and preparing to move off, in the direction of Camelot.

It takes only a moment before a voice rings out above the noise, coming from somewhere around the edges:

“THE BARRIER IS DOWN!! WE CAN BE SEEN!”

A voice answers back, shouting for everyone to be prepared, that they would be noticed soon, and that the fight was coming to them.

Arthur furrowed his brow before quietly:

“That was their King, I recognise his voice. He must have sorcerers with him to keep the barrier going.”

Leon answers first:

“This is why our scouts haven’t seen anything, there’s been nothing to see.”

Merlin once again begins muttering to himself, drawing everyone’s attention to him (and also reminding them that apparently, Merlin had the power to take out the whole army) :

“Well, at least it’s smaller than I was expecting, underestimating us apparently. Sorcerers could be a problem though. Hmm.”

Morgana speaks up:

“I feel three. powerful, but not really fighters. They’re here for the barrier, and they don’t seem particularly happy about it either-”

She looks towards Merlin, face serious:

“-If you make it clear who you are... they might join us.”

Merlin hums thoughtfully, before replying:

“Depends entirely on if their fear of me outweighs their fear of him.”

The Gang looks taken aback at the mention of fearing Merlin. Elyan quietly saying:

“Why would they fear you? I know that you’re Emrys and everything, but I thought it was a Druid peace-keeping sort of thing you had going?”

Merlin looks back at the group, anger on his face, as he responds darkly:

“They’re threatening Camelot, her people, her King. I’m very much pissed off right now, of course they should be scared of me.”

Before he has time to say anything else, they notice that the army is about ready to move out, and Arthur gestures everyone to quickly get back and hide as he rushes towards Merlin:

“Merls! Ok... so, in the vision, the field was already empty when it started raining, and we have maybe 15 minutes at most before then, so what happens? Whatever we do, we need to do it now, they’re about to leave. Or maybe the field was empty because we let them go?”

Merlin responds quickly:

“No, we didn’t see the whole field in the vision remember, and this half is empty-”

He thinks for a moment, and Arthur looks towards the army, before looking back at the others, and then finally settling his eyes on Merlin once more:

“-Put your crown on, you and me are going to march across there, and they need to know who we are. The others will stay here, out of sight.”

Arthur looks worried, and put a hand on Merlin’s shoulder:

“You do know what you’re doing, don’t you?”

Merlin smiles back at him:

“Nah, figured I’d just wing in. Come on, I’m Emrys. I got this in the bag.”

Arthur frowns as Merlin chuckles, before grabbing his crown from his saddlebag. The others looks to him questioningly, but he just shakes his head, and gestures for them to stay hidden. They don’t look too pleased at that, but they follow his orders, and hide themselves and the horses among the bushes.

The King and the Sorcerer take a deep breath, before looking at each other and nodding firmly. They march out from their hiding spot amongst the trees, and make a beeline for the army, walking confidently.

Merlin made sure to walk just a step behind Arthur, and it takes only a few seconds for a lookout to spot them and yell.

The two of them stop in the middle of the empty space as the whole army looks towards them, their King stepping forward:

“Ah! King Arthur-”

The way he says King, like it disgusts him, like Arthur doesn’t deserve the title, has Merlin fuming, but he doesn’t step forward just yet.

“-It would seem that you have bought your druid pet, to beat my army. I WILL SEE YOUR HEADS ON SPIKES!”

Spittle flies from his red face as he screams the last part, and Merlin sees the way Arthur clenches his hand. Before his... friend? (can he say that after last night?) can reply in anger:

“Introduce me, and then go back to the others. I’ll be fine, he’s clearly underestimated me.”

Arthur’s back straightens, and he leaves his face blank as he shouts his reply to the angered King:

“You clearly underestimate us. This-”

(he gestures absentmindedly to Merlin, who steps forward and allows his eyes to begin glowing.)

“-is Emrys. He will make quick work of your... army.” 

Neither of them pay attention to his reply as they look at each other. The glow fades from Merlin’s eyes as he puts a hand on Arthur’s shoulder:

“Trust me, go back to the others and I’ll take care of it. All of nature is at my fingertips, apparently. Go, I love you.”

Arthur clenches his jaw and nods, before turning and walking back to the others, smiling to himself as he notices the almost transparent shield that had formed around him as he walked.

Merlin takes a few steps towards the army (which is getting louder and louder as the King makes his way through the ranks, shouting encouragement and rallying them) before stopping in place and frowning.

Unless he wants to cause issues with time, he should probably keep it as similar to the vision as he can. He looks to the side, the same place he had seen himself look four days ago, and speaks:

“ I’m sorry. But it’s coming. I can’t stop it, I tried. This is the only way. Just... relax... it’ll hurt less. Four days.”

He narrows his eyes and focuses, and he can just about make out a hazy mirror image of himself stood a few feet away:

“Arthur loves you... me..... us. Don’t let him down.”

The image fades as he takes a deep breath, and continues his march towards the army.

There’s a clap of thunder, and suddenly the skies open, Merlin frowns to himself as he mutters:

“Oh for fucks sake, why am I always right?”

The army begins their sprint towards him, and Merlin stops his quick pace, planting his feet, and raising his hands to the sky. The Sorcerer figures that there’s already a storm, and a storm is part of nature, right? He might as well take advantage.

The golden glow from his eyes is almost blinding as his brings his hands down quickly, palms facing the floor. Lightening strikes the ground with a flash and a few hundred of the men at the forefront of the army fall to not rise again.

Merlin grunts as he realises he’s going to have to try a lot harder if he’s to succeed in taking out the 12,000 angry arseholes running at him.

He continues aiming lightening at the fastest knights, nearest the front, taking out groups of them at a time.

He feels another magical presence, and he glances to the side to see a young woman at the edge of the meadow, clothes in tatters and feet bare. She meets his gaze and nods, before looking to the army and shouting a spell. The ground shakes slightly and a large chunk of the army falls into cracks into the ground.

Those his lightening had not touched finally come within reach of Merlin, and he has to jump back as swords reach for his neck. He swings one of his arms in a wide arc, and a burst of blue fire elevates the war cries around him, into screeches of agony.

He has to banish dark thoughts as the stench of burnt flesh reaches his nose, and he swings his arm wide once more, the same again.

Now with a little more space to move, though with little time before he’s crowded again, he kneels, and slams closed fists down into the mud.

The moment his skin touches the ground, the whole meadow shakes, much more than it had previously, and the whole army stumbles and falls.

There is a moment of silence and calm once the shaking stops, everyone trying to regain their bearings, but it doesn’t last long, as the ground opens. Sinkholes and cracks expand all across the meadow, thousands of men screaming as they fall into unknown depths, or drown in mud.

Merlin stares out in wonder as he realises he hasn’t said a word since the battle began. He had used no spells, the world around him simply understood what he wanted, and obeyed his orders. Nature bending to his whim indeed.

His thoughts last only a minute before he forces himself to concentrate once more. He can feel the three other sorcerers trying to protect themselves, and prevent anyone from escaping. Looks like Morgana was right. Though they were exhausted from holding the barrier in place, and even if they hadn’t been, even combined, their power was nothing compared to Merlin’s.

He pulls his arms from the ground, palms facing towards the sky (which is still pouring). As he does, every crater, every pit, closes with a snap, the field seeming suddenly much emptier as half the army, and all the previous bodies, disappear into the mud.

Only a thousand or so men remain, and, ignoring their cowardly King’s shouts (he was hidden somewhere to the right of Merlin, out of his sight. Hmmm. He would have to take care of that later.) they try to scatter into the woods surrounding the meadow.

Merlin closes his hands to fists. Vines and roots burst from the ground, all sharp thorns and gnarled wood as they speed towards the fleeing soldiers.

The screams grow louder once more as all but a few of the knights are pierced, and wrapped, and dragged towards their muddy places of burial.

Merlin stands once more, and tilts his head towards the trees with a silent request.

He smirks as the sounds of wolves reach his ears, howling and growling and rabid through the trees. That’ll do it. No one would be able to outrun them.

The battlefield lay empty. The bodies having been swallowed by the earth, or still running around piss scared in the woods.

Merlin turns towards the sorcerers standing twenty metres away, meaning to promise them safety and amnesty in Camelot, because of their immediate willingness to help, but before he can say anything, he sees their eyes widen as they look behind him in horror.

He gasps in realisation, and goes to turn and defend himself, but before he can, he staggers suddenly forward as he feels a bursting pain in his spine and spread through his chest. He looks down to see the front of a sword poking out from where his heart should be.

With his last few seconds of lucidity he jerkily waves his hand behind him and feels the King (”How could I have fucking forgotten about him? I was thinking about him literally 3 minutes ago??”) stumble back a few steps, leaving the sword behind.

Merlin falls to his knees, still staring at the end of the blade, blood dripping from his mouth as he hears an agonised yell from across the meadow.

He finally falls completely, his face angled towards the floor and his eyes fluttering as he hears a metallic *swoosh* and a *gargle* and a *thump* behind him, before Arthur falls to his knees at his back.

The last thing Merlin remembers, is hearing Arthur muttering something or other as he gets pulled towards him, but by the time his eyes look to the sky, his mind, and face, are blank.

~

THIS IS COMPLETED, PART 5 (link at the top, and in the masterlist) IS THE FINAL PART!

Let me know if y’all want my thoughts on anything in particular :)

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

Late Nights

Summary: Reader can’t sleep so they make their way to Sam’s room for cuddles and long interesting talks. This night’s talk ends up being even more interesting than usual.

TW/CW: Sam Winchester x Reader, cuddly fluff.

Requested?: Yes! A lovely Anon said, “Could you write a Sam x reader. The reader has a lot of trouble sleeping, so they usually sneak into sam's room to cuddle. They have a fluffy conversation where the reader explains their problem with sleep and Sam confesses his adoration of the reader and they realize they're in love ❤️️”

Word Count: 609

A/N: Kind of exposing myself with the cute little nickname here but it’s fine, it’s whatever lol. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy! Requests are Open as always! Lmk if you want to be added to any of my taglists.

Your POV

    I set the empty milk glass down on the counter before heading back towards my room. I really need to sleep tonight because I’ve been getting less than minimum hours for a week now. After entering my room, I turn the lights out and plop down onto the bed to crawl under my soft, fluffy blankets. I pull out all the usual tactics, counting backwards from one hundred, listening to music, I even tried a guided sleep meditation and nothing works. I lay there tossing and turning for a few good hours before I finally decide to sneak into Sam’s room. He’s told me before that if I ever need to I can and he always helps me sleep better.

    I wrap my softest blanket tightly around me to keep out the chill of the bunker and venture off to Sam’s room right down the hall. I knock softly on the door and in seconds he’s pulling it open, “Aw, hey little one. Can’t sleep?” I nod and try to ignore the butterflies in my stomach at the nickname. He smiles and opens the door further to let me in, “I was just about to head to bed myself.”

    He pads over to the bed and motions for me to join him before crawling under the covers. I drape my own blanket over the top of his before crawling under both of them. Sam wraps his arms around me and pulls me close as I snuggle into his chest. He’s so warm as always and smells like Old Spice and mint toothpaste. There are those butterflies again. I wish they’d go away; I’m not trying to scare Sam off.  

    We spent a good while chatting as we always do. Plenty of topics made their way to the air before they were quickly shoved along by another. Rabbit trails and train tracks wound their way through just about anything and everything. That is, until we came to a pause of silence.

    “So, all these times that you’ve crawled into my bed for cuddles and you’ve never told me why,” he mumbles cautiously, breaking the silence.

    “It helps me sleep. A lot of times I have nightmares and can’t get back to sleep. When it’s not that, it’s my ADHD and insomnia keeping me awake.”

    “Gotcha, for the record I like when you come cuddle. You’re always so freaking cute when you’re sleepy,” he says and I can hear the smile on his face.

    A bit of tension melts away in my body at the knowledge that I’m not bugging the crap out of him with this, “That’s good to know.”

    He seems to think for a moment, before asking, “So, when you don’t come for a while, is it because you’re getting cuddles elsewhere?”

    I can tell he’s subtly asking if I get cuddles from Dean and prefer him over Sam. I chuckle softly, “No, just don’t want to bother you too much.”

    He sighs a breathe of relief, “Good, I really like you and it would hurt to know that it doesn’t mean as much to you as it does to me.”

    I pull back enough to look up at his face, “Really like as in?”

    He looks down at me, “Would it scare you off if I said as more than a friend?”

    I shake my head no, “No not at all. It’d bring relief because I feel the same way.”

    I snuggle back into his chest as he chuckles, “Good, I’m glad. Now, let’s get some sleep. Dean was talking about wanting to find a case tomorrow.”

    “That’ll be fun. Goodnight, Sammy.”

    “Goodnight, little one. Sweet Dreams.”

Masterlist

Everything Taglist:

Sam Winchester Taglist:

[marimo-o]

ok so im making a long ass post about Abzu (the game) within the context of mesopotamian mythology because I'm insane. It's gonna be a doozy and likely incomprehensible so <3 below the cut it goes! There's gonna be TONS of spoilers for the game, and, like, I guess for the mesopotamian creation epic, so. Play Abzu if you haven't and if you wanna read the Enuma Elish that's also cool. Good for u

(a note from afterwards: it's long. like, REALLY fucking long, holy shit. if you actually want to read the whole thing, be. prepared or something idk take breaks! the last two paragraphs (i know they're walls of text pls bear with me) contain most of the important information. like, the final hurrah of my brain after working on this for multiple hours! So if u wanna save time and avoid some of the redundancy, just skip to those last two <3)

So "Abzu" referred to two things; the fresh water people got from underground aquifers (also as the void-sea which was underneath the Sumerian underworld, Kur), and the deity; he only appeared in the creation story, Enuma Elish, because a big part of that whole thing was that oh no! He dies! And that's also a thing I'm gonna touch on (sorry about the lack of accent marks in advance, it's not available on my current keyboard^ ^;)

I'm gonna start off with a brief tale of what happened with Abzu the deity, and then move onto how both the deity and the concept relate to the game!

So like I mentioned, Abzu the deity only really appears in the creation myth. The story goes that the Primordial Soup divided into two beings, with Abzu representing the freshwater and Tiamat being the saltwater. They were married, and together birthed some of the first formative gods! Some of these gods, jealous of Abzu's power convinced Tiamat to kill him (or, I thought it was started by Tiamat growing resentful of the younger gods, one of those). Either way, Abzu was killed, and Tiamat ended up lashing out, creating the first "dragons", or perhaps becoming one herself; with "poison instead of blood". She is killed by Marduk, the god of storms and the child of Enki (one of the first gods created by Abzu and Tiamat), and from her body the heavens and the earth are formed. Imagine getting killed by ur grandson lol cringe /j

Now! The waters itself! This also brings Enki into the equation, who kinda took over as god of the waters in place of his dead father. He's also the god of creation, intelligence, crafts, mischief, and more! Very important guy.

Abzu refers to both the groundwater reservoirs that people depended on for both accessible clean water and for some agricultural work, and also to the void-sea beneath the underworld, where it is said that Enki rests. He had a temple at Eridu, a now-ruined city, and I remember hearing somewhere that he lived in a temple in an underground aquifer? But I can't find wherever I read that anymore so don't take my word for it. Anyway, the basics of Enki as a deity is: child of Tiamat and Abzu, widely worshipped in his time, god of the waters, generally a cool and important dude.

And now. Finally. We move onto the game. My head hurts.

So, for a quick (post-writing: lol it's not quick) overview of the game; you play as a funny little diver, who woke up in the middle of the ocean and, as the player, are given no clues as to who or what you are. You explore through the ocean levels peacefully at first, and with the guidance of a scarred shark (painted as a bit of an antagonist at first with the audio cues) you make your way to wells at the bottom-center of each level that revitalize the space around them; as they progress, many levels start out as barren, empty landscapes that give you a foreboding, nervous feeling going in, before using an energy from yourself to rekindle the life. Huge coral growths, seaweed, and a myriad of ocean animals spring to life. The player character can also ride on the sides of the bigger ones! The game also puts a big stress on unity between yourself and the environment; there's not a whole lot you can physically interact with, but you can play with the animals there and, like I said before, ride on some of the larger animals. There are also "meditation spots", statues where you can sit and explore the wildlife from more of their point of view, able to follow them seamlessly and see what the different kinds of fish and such are called. It's a calming experience, and really the most interaction you get with some of the more timid animals, letting you still see them up close even if you can't get there as the player character.

The story of the game is told via writings on the walls, which you can light up and access by solving small puzzles regarding connecting reservoirs of glowing waters, similar to that of the almost cosmic area you go to between levels; one thing I read described it as a kind of "rebirth area", which I can definitely see hehe!

At the end of the game, you've held the shark in its dying moments, you've discovered a strange factory that builds the weird triangular prisms that deliver anything that touches them a shock, the little flashlight dudes that you've found over the levels, and little divers that uncannily resemble yourself, and you've seen yourself disassembled to your funny little mechanical skeleton, weak and slow as you try to walk on land, before you are rebirthed from the void-cosmic-water area once again, fully yourself. There's a wonderful ending sequence where you swim through all these rivers, bringing life with you as you go, with the shark once again by your side. The whole game, you saw no land when you poked your head above water, just miles and miles of water, but you've travelled far enough to reach a reservoir. You cut the chains to a central triangular prism, and it grows over with moss. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it, really, it feels like such a... grand gesture as you play through it. It feels personal.

Okay. Theory time. Finally, we're getting into the meat of it. Fucking hell.

So, imagine that you are this being. You're wandering an oceanic wonderland, observing and caring for what you need to, doing as any good little diver should. After a bit of poking around, you discover the start of the engravings on the walls; they tell the story of the people that were here before you, who built these temples and halls and used, or at least stored, the strange blue glowing "water" that you connect and move. It's a water of life, of sorts, one that they truly valued. You come to an impasse between areas, and this massive, scarred-up shark cuts in front of you. You're gonna stay hidden, that thing is terrifying! You try not to move. It doesn't spot you, or at least doesn't move to attack you. However, once it's safely out of view, you do follow it, and it leads you to a dark, desolate, empty chamber. This is wrong, you think to yourself. This isn't how it should be. There's a well, towards the bottom, and you approach it, taking... a fragment of light, from your chest, and imbuing that spark of life into the well. And, lo and behold, that intuition proved helpful, because the world around you springs back to life. Congratulations! You did it! And you continue to, as you work past puzzles and challenges and the appearance of these strange triangular mechanisms, that shock you when you get too close. These people worshipped a shark, as well, likely the same as the one you saw; the guide, now old and scarred, that brings you to where that spark is needed. Even later in the game, you see depictions of the triangular mechanisms, at first heralded as a positive, before these things are found to be the reason for this society's collapse. As if that wasn't perplexing enough, you see a depiction of a being that appears suspiciously similar to yourself, once again treated with reverence from the past civilization. In their hand is a ball of light, similar to the one shown when you revitalize the oceanic chambers. Well, that's certainly odd, you think to yourself. Perhaps this was a being that postponed the death of the civilization, or first allowed for those small chambers of life to exist in captivity instead of the open, natural landscapes you explored at the start. Regardless, it's now a relic of something long gone; but it still gives you something to think about. Later on, that strange coincidence of your similarities to that person are explained; you find a manufacturing plant, full of the vicious triangular mechanisms in each tight hallway, and right at the center of it all... multiple iterations of yourself, running down an assembly line, a spark not unlike what you saw before imbued into each of them. My, look at that; you've been responsible for part of this destruction all along, haven't you? Borne from that same ill that has been forcibly removing that spark from each of the places you've gone to. A bit inconsiderate of you, no? And yet... look at all the good you've done. You've rebirthed, revitalized, purified these ocean fragments, is that not enough? You are the keeper of these waters, regardless of the evil you had come from, despite the terrifying empty things may have reverted to. You, who trusted and followed the shark that seemed so scary at first. You, who followed it as it tried to attack a source of the evil, of the thing that was draining the oceans of their life. You, who held and comforted that shark as it lay dying, despite any fear you may have had. You, who attempted to traverse a minefield of those triangular machines, shocked over and over again and at the final moment, unable to make it to the finish line. You, who was rebirthed in full regardless by the oceans you'd cared for, by the void-sea you always returned to, to rest. You, who traversed a now-ruined citadel, temple, all of which had been flooded and had been dedicated to you. You, who brought life with you.

I hope you see what I'm getting at here. You're serving as a figure not unlike Enki, god and guardian of the waters. In the wake of Abzu, the avatar of the fresh waters, now confined to irrigation canals so as not to kill the younger gods, Tiamat lashes out. Her husband is dead, as far as she is concerned, and she goes to those younger gods to seek her revenge. The dragon, that which sucked the life from the seas and poisoned the waters. That which Marduk killed, to carve new life from. I would say that the shark is Marduk, even; given how the shark is the only one who is openly on the offense to those mechanisms, and who comes in at the endgame to finish them off, bringing new life with it. Even in how it all shapes up with the civilization before, in connection to the constructs; Tiamat was the mother of all in existence at that time. She was surely loved; but she turned hostile and violent. She could no longer be safely loved. And Abzu, both the glowing water we use to open doors and the light that we hold and the deep void-sea we enter between levels and father to all in existence, he was confined to small canals and reservoirs and put in a deep sleep so that he would not kill his own children. And by you, no less. Enki put him there. That is why you can use that water from the start; you lived in the Abzu, you came from it, and each time, that is where you return. That temple, now submerged and decrepit, is Eridu; the place where Enki was most worshipped. The other diver clones are the other gods, or perhaps the "dragons", now, that Tiamat had mothered. The smaller prisms definitely count in that "dragon" category; purely harmful beings that seek to destroy life. And in the end, indeed, you restore life; you and your son, upon killing Tiamat, return life to the world from her body. Perhaps you could not save those who once worshipped you, perhaps those structures will forever be in ruin. But there is no more danger, now; there is space to build and replenish. There is space to grow.

Fuck ok that was long as hell. Hi if u made it this far i love u. god fucking damn im never writing anything again after this. it took about as long as a full playthrough of the game, coincidentally!!

[astrangewoman]

my aunt told me the other day that people in her/my papaw’s side of the family “just know things” and that we all love cemeteries and can “sense” things there and intentionally seek them out when out of town etc. we talked about how we both can sense the energy of places and can tell when bad things are gonna happen, and how both of our partners just trust whatever we say and don’t even ask questions lmao

she’s the aunt on my dad’s side, and it’s interesting bc she’s like suuuuuuuper religious. she never came out and said anything like the word “psychic” or anything. I don’t think she would be comfortable saying that bc it might make her seem less devout.

I haven’t spoken to my dad in almost 4 years, since coming out to him went so terribly wrong, but she’s always stayed in contact with me. we both were the only two people in the room when my papaw (her dad and my very best friend in the world) died and were both holding his hands, her his right and me his left. I think that bonded us on a really deep level, even though we’re not actually very close. she’s also like for real homophobic (like she told me that she doesn’t think Marshal and I should be able to get married when I announced that we were engaged lmao 🙃), but she calls Marshal by his name and uses the correct pronouns for him so I’m cordial to her bc I feel like she may eventually see the error of her ways. honestly, I think that’s why her reaching out to tell me about the knowing and sensing was so wild to me. she can believe in that but not that we deserve basic human rights??? anyway, I digress.

I spent my whole life not knowing her or anyone else on that side of the family bc of some stupid fight that happened before I was born and no one ever tried to know me. when my papaw would try to get in contact with us, his wife would be a raging bitch about it and my dad was always a dick to him, so he eventually just quit. (honestly I don’t blame him. it was a shitty situation all around.) it would have been cool to have been able to grow up talking about this stuff though. I’d like to know more about who exactly are the ones who know things. like, were they on the Italian side or the American side? is it mostly/all women or all genders? what other kinds of knowing are you talking about? what exactly do they sense in cemeteries?

I don’t feel comfortable reaching out to her about it, for all the aforementioned reasons, so I’m gonna try to meditate on it instead and see where that gets me. we shall see how it goes! if anyone has tips on strengthening psychic abilities aside, pls lmk!

p.s. thx for reading my lil life story there lol I wasn’t intending for this post to take that route, but exposition was needed! (as usual)

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 14 reactions: HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AWESOME BUT ALSO I’M CRYING edition

- the good good din characterization is back after all the weirdness last episode!!!! that soft way he says ‘no, no, I’m not mad at you’? THAT’S din djarin, he would not be fucking impatient with his son having just been informed and seen for himself that he is terrified, go away mr filoni I know you’ve got all of canon memorized but you don’t get this lol. this feels much more right in how din being conflicted and still thinking he should give the baby away for his own good plays out too  

honestly every line of dialogue for him in this one was perfect I was just whispering ‘I love this awkward clueless wonderful man just doing his best’ to myself any time he said anything. “...does this look Jedi to you?” sir I adore you more than words can describe

- we got din chuckling. asjdklfhsdkafghsdafsadhjkfsdahjkfh. fskahfksjad. side note: I can’t believe my joke post about din desperately trying to Force home school the kid with the one (1) jedi trick he knows about and the baby being delighted by it over and over anyway -- listen to his expectant excited laugh when din takes the ball and sets up the game!!!! -- was canon all along. and then the baby & mando music kicking in when he gently put the silver ball into the baby’s hands again and tells him he’s special (because he IS special. to din)? hmng. hmmmmnnnnn  

they opened on the height of softness so we would all crumple under the weight of the rest of the episode and that was very mean of them in a way I sincerely appreciate 

- nothing to see here... just a dad trying to walk through the literal manifestation of the unassailable underlying forces of the universe to get to his baby again and again........ the desperation in that, the love, the foolhardy devotion................... shit

- okay so I might be a dumbass, but I’d never noticed this before -- the silver ball has a blue spot on the top, like so: 

and in addition we get the room where the baby goes full darth grogu (I have to laugh so I don’t cry okay) on those storm troopers, and there’s a red light in there dominating the room (and it did even more in the concept art):

in star wars blue means light side and red means dark side (it’s very sophisticated that way), meaning the visual storytelling here is that there’s a battle for the baby’s soul and gideon and all his nonsense (and the trauma bb’s been through in the wider sense) is pulling towards the dark, while grogu and din’s connection leads him towards the light. just... the image of the baby looking at his own reflection in the symbolic representation of his relationship to din? the way children find their sense of self through being safely reflected and held by their caretakers? god help meeeeeee I will go in there and fistfight gideon myself for disrupting that in any way  

the smaller light seems to be blue too, like there’s still the presence of light even if it’s dimmed and small in that shitty horrible room, which is a change from the concept art!

- FENNEC SHAND SURVIVED BITCHES!!! I even called that she’d be back with new shiny robot parts back in season 1, could not happen to a cooler lady, I hope we get more backstory and interaction from her the next episodes -- sounds like she’s basically sworn herself to boba’s service in gratitude for saving her life, I wonder if that’s a cultural thing of whereever she comes from? does she live aboard slave 1 now too?? because that would be hilarious and amazing, it must be like two strange cats trying to get used to sharing the same space   

- everything I could ever hope for about boba fett in this series came true, they went down the much more interesting and nuanced route with jango and boba’s identities as mandalorians, he looked cool as fuck and made din as a character shine rather than overshadowing him... amazing beautiful yesss 

(I did 100% not anticipate just how ‘cool uncle boba here to help you fuck shit up’ he was going to be but I am delighted to get it anyway. uncle points deducted for getting someone to point a gun at the baby, but the main point still stands lol) 

the power and brutality of his hand to hand fighting too... a w e s o m e , I enjoyed the action scenes a lot in this one

- they even recanonized him actually wearing jango’s armour. what more could I ask for. I’ve had confused parent & child feels about these two since I was like eleven and here we fucking go again. and jango fighting in the mando civil wars too!

- so I’m grieving the razor crest (and I always will be, rip you magnificent jalopy, always in my heart) but also there’s the grim satisfaction that my reading on it was sort of true -- it is (...was. oh god it’s going to take a while to sink in huh) a symbol of din’s self and life, and at this point when they take the baby it tears everything else to pieces. the only thing that’s left in the ashes is the beskar and the thing that connects him to the baby. and there’s... a strange solace in seeing that that’s all he needs to keep going? he’s fucking obliterated from orbit but he still has his love for the baby and the beskar and that can keep him going until he finds something new, everything else can be replaced?????? weirdly healing, though he is probably going to have a solid breakdown at some point after they get the kid back (shut up they are getting the kid back) and the cold distant fog lifts 

also this scene/shot feels like it carries some Meaning, doesn’t it? I’m on record several times saying I never want din to be mand’alor and that’s still true, but there’s something about the framing of this and the way boba looks at him that’s like... hm. I’m not sure I have the words for it. there’s something heightened about it, anyway, for a moment he looks like something mythic there in the wreckage 

(something I would be much cooler with is our clan of two growing a little bit and those new people rallying behind him, actually, that might be neat. imagine if a force user does show up for the baby and gets adopted into the clan somehow??? so many possibilities.) 

- from the way he picks up the silver ball... din djarin is on his way to straight up murder some people huh

I think part of what reassures me about this scene is the music -- this mando flute is not distant, is not beaten, is not despondent, it’s clear and determined and strong.

- 

I love this. I love when we get explicit baby POVs, it makes it feel so real and intimate and... like home. (I especially loved baby’s point of view inside the razor crest, which just made me tear up again. baby lost the closest thing he’s had to a home in a long long time on top of it all. everything is suffering)

-

Emotionally Significant Thumb Grabbing tm; the show

- din djarin looking for the ‘on’ switch on a magic rock fhsdakjfhsadlfhsdjah I can’t breathe

 “Well, this is the seeing stone. Are you. Seeing anything?” fsafkdsajhfsa sdhfksjalhfkjsdahfkjsdhf

- the energy around the baby as he’s, in ahsoka’s words, ‘choosing his path’ is blue, and the force sort of works across time and space, right?? so there’s definitely still hope for our lil green bean to not have to come up with a really dumb unsubtle sith name for himself, as is regrettably yet delightfully tradition. darth babbu should never come to pass (I do like how they’re interrogating the normal dark/light side dichotomy in this series, seeing as this is a literal baby who can’t really be responsible for that stuff himself yet and has such capacity for both.)  

- listen. listen, the way din says ‘can you please hurry up’ with no sarcasm or real impatience whatsoever, more like a harried worry, to his force-meditating son as he jogs off to make sure no one’s trying to kill them. is hilarious and also YES this is what the character is!!! weirdly and incongruously polite under stress sometimes and with a slightly odd reaction pattern to things!!! he’s not just quiet and badass, he’s a little strange sometimes and it’s so good!  

- a friendly opening volley warning shot from boba there

also din uncertainly asking BOBA FETT if he’s a jedi... now this is the dramatic irony I’ve been looking for haha 

I guess neither shand nor boba actually know din’s name after this either. baby you gotta start introducing yourself at some point it gets real confusing when there are two mandos on screen 

oh the long weary sigh going through din’s frame when boba says he wants ‘the armour’ and he thinks it’s just someone trying to peel the beskar off his corpse again. sorry the galaxy’s so shitty dad   

- “But fate sometimes steps in to rescue the wretched” is a killer line well done mr favreau. I like that boba actually offers din a good deal as well and seems to intend to deliver on it from how things are going. 

- din using his beskar-covered bod to cover someone he’s fighting alongside!!! literal moving cover haha. also I love fennec’s costume design  

- I don’t know where din got more whistling birds from and I don’t care, it was really cool haha 

-

wow haha um so anyway -- 

(cue all the ‘who wore it better’ with cobb vanth’s ‘spiderman’s first home made costume’ look on one side and ABSOLUTE UNIT DADDY boba fett on the other side posts lol)

- aaaghh the music almost like a stunned desperate fluttering heart beat as din watches the razor crest be destroyed 

- for someone who has willingly worked for them in the past boba sure sounds less than thrilled about having the empire back in any capacity 

- oof the deadness in din’s voice when he says “The child is gone”. ooooh no that got me  h e l p 

- guessing next episode is at least partly a ‘gathering old allies and preparing the assault’ step before the grand finale, then! they cannot go for the season ender cliffhanger with this, I will fucking riot. anything can be up in the air except baby and dad being separated, I will not allow it

it would be very funny if the force user baby called out to comes stumbling into the middle of all this like the troy entering the room with pizzas meme too 

- the music in the darth grogu scene is partially a dark mirror of the baby & mando music :’( is nothing in this world sacred

also from how he reaches out for it baby might have used a light saber before in the past with the jedi? ngl the idea of baby wielding the dark saber not when he’s all grown up but in like two episodes -- with all the chaos a toddler holding a laser sword would involve -- is all that is keeping me sane here 

‘liable to put an eye out with one of these’ well gideon you sure have doomed someone to lose an eye with that one, here’s to hoping it’s you, for full dramatic payoff 

he is a deliciously smug awful force with great musical cues tho, you have to give it to him

- okay so this

is obviously awful and horrible and it makes me so sad... but it is undeniably also very very very funny in how it’s framed. you know what? after all this bullshit baby grogu can have a little dark side tantrum, as a treat, we’ve all been there right

(forget finding a jedi, we need to go out there and find a child psychologist who can help him deal with this without adding the fear that he’s on the path to become a two foot tall evil space sorcerer to the mix Y_________Y) 

- rip the razor crest except for the second time :’’’( gone but never forgotten

- the last thing din tells the baby is “I’m gonna protect you; I’ll be back soon”. and I hope that stays with the kid somehow and that it actually comes true, that din will be back for him as soon as humanly possible and all this pain and fear can be repaired. ggggghhhhh my emotions are too big for my dumb human body 

[jamzandbamz]

I hope you have a good sized response to this tbh 🤣 A recent anon just said this and it’s what I was thinking when I watched the live too… he’s getting into the things she’s into, guided meditation, holistic stuff Vs medicines etc. He seems very smitten with her. Speaking from experience I hope he doesn’t get too wrapped up in her lifestyle, changes a bunch of how he operates daily etc just for this girl. That usually doesn’t end well, especially since they just started hanging out again. He said he might change back to his usual self next week and was joking when he said that but he might. He contradicts himself all the time. It was interesting that when Steven said the word “girlfriend” Jeff was like “I wouldn’t say girlfriend and boyfriend yet” considering how smitten he seems.

🤣🤣 gotchu! 💗💗 tonight is the ultimate bf jeff x tumblr moment so far so this is basically our night anyway LOL! 😂

Good sized response here: Everything that he was saying is actually almost irrelevant. I'll explain that at the end. :) But he kept saying that he is liberated and more "open minded" now. He is discovering new things. On some level the meditation aspect is brilliant for mental health (depending on who you are), so everything I'm hearing about her influence may be *better* for Jeff than whatever he was doing on his own. Not that he needs her necessarily, just as a person with good ideas he may be receptive to. Also, I suspect she loves meditation, so was just bringing him in on it bc it's a big deal to her. Like, if you're obsessed with something, you want to show your friends/fam about, get them into it, etc. He said he did muy thuy (sp?) this week, maybe he actually did that with her? He is probably showing her his interests, too, but we can't see it!!

My interpretation thus far is that it's 2 weeks in, only 2, so we are witnessing him riding an emotional high. It's almost "bleeding through the page." Whatever he's saying may not totally mean anything. As he said, this may be phasic, so the narrative will probably change. The meaning behind all the language is probably just bliss that he is starting to feel love for the first time in years. 💗

[arsonistvoyager]

A Jedi for a Clone ; Captain Rex x Reader

PART 2 HERE

pairing: Rex x Reader

Summary: Imagine you're Pong Krells former padawan, now freshly knighted jedi, and you feel hatred towards the clones, especially the 501st, and you get put on a mission with Anakin. The clones are all a little scared to get close to you but also feel a little guilty (because they're angels) since you saw Krell when he was still a good jedi and they feel like they took your parental figure. But then the more time you spend with them you realize what your master actually did

a/n: this is pretty much my first time writing anything remotely star wars x reader so whoever comes across this bear with me. i’m a stupid little beginner lol. 

“Is everyone ready?” 

“Yes, General, we expect the shuttle to arrive within the next 10 to 20 minutes.”

Anakin nodded as he looked over the cliffs that the 501st had set their temporary camp up on.

Arami was a planet located on the outer rim, not far from where Anakin had grown up, meaning barely outside of Hutt Space. 

It had not been long since separatist forces had invaded the sparsely populated planet and had begun to enslave its population – doing so right under the republics eyes. To provocate them into a fight, Anakin had thought when the council had brought up the news of yet another separatist invasion. To make it seem like the Republic was illegally occupying neutral worlds and forcing them onto their side. 

Anakin had known it was a set up from the very beginning, but the council had insisted that he take care of the problem. To be more specific, the council had sent Obi-Wan to give Anakin the orders, knowing of the connection the former padawan and master had and how Anakin was less likely to refuse the mission if it came from his almost-father figure. 

And of course Anakin did want to refuse. He despised being anywhere near Hutt-Space, more specifically, his old home world of Tatooine. Too many bad memories were connected to that place. In the end he reluctantly accepted. It would be a quick mission. The seperatists had supposedly not sent many of their droid forces. An easy task for the Jedi General. And it may or may not have been his deeply rooted hatred for the slave business that convinced him to take on this mission.

As he looked over the cliffs near the coasts of an Arami ocean he had to admit the planet was barely anything like the sandy, vast, emptiness of Tatooine.  If he closed his eyes and listened to the clash of waves he could almost pretend to be on the beautiful idyllic plateaus of Naboo, nobody but a certain senator by his side. 

The only thing ruining the beautiful scenery inside his head were the excited and anxious chatter of his men, his troopers, behind him. The council had sent Anakin and the five-oh-first without any aerial star destroyer support. Not even the senate, nor chancellor Palpatine had been notified of the decision. It was supposed to be a quiet secret between them and the Arami people they would rescue. 

The only other person assigned to the mission was another Jedi General. A senior padawan that had been knighted only months ago and Anakin and his men were about to meet her. 

Formerly Commander now General (Y/N) (L/N) had made a name for herself within the last two years of the war, not only by rising up in ranks and in the favor of many High Jedi of the Jedi Council but also in her skill of many force techniques and abilities as well as the success rate of her missions. 

Many civilians knew of her as a saviour, many jedi knew her as one of the top notch generals of the outer rim.  The clones however would only know her under one name.  Master Pong Krells Padawan. 

The shuttle had barely exited hyperspace and reached the Arami system when whispered rumors circulated around Anakins men.“Krells Padawan. She’s really coming.”

“Do you think she’s bringing a clone battalion with her?” “Nah I heard she doesn’t work with clones. Not ever since...Umbara, y’know.” “I heard she used to command several troops until she heard the news of the Generals death. I’ve heard she...slaughtered her own men in a fit of rage.” “Banthashit! Don’t listen to all the rumors you hear in 79’s, Echo.” “I swear it’s true!” “Did you guys know she wields two lightsabers?” Anakin could not block their voices out, as much as he tried. The force surrounding his men was practically shaking with their insecurity. He hated that they felt that way. And he hated himself for not being on Umbara when it happened to help his men. He regretted leaving his men in the care of that psychopath in the first place. But how should he have known? The regret clawed its way into his mind anyway. 

As for General (L/N)...She was not an unfamiliar face to him. In fact, because she was not far from his age, the two of them had often been in meditation and intergalactic geography classes together, as younglings. She had been nice to him. Helped him once with one of the questions when Master Mundi had asked him about the surface of Mon Cala and he had been too occupied with his daydream to realize he had been called upon. After whispering a quick “thanks” she had giggled in response, before focusing her attention back onto the Jedi Master. That was before Obi-Wan took him on his first mission, followed up by many more. As a result Anakin spent much less time  with the other younglings. Maybe he had seen her once or twice in the halls of the Jedi Temple, Anakin could not recall it. Had Master Krell been by her side? He didn’t know either. 

When Anakin had consoled his men after the nightmares of Umbara he had been more than surprised that many of the clones, Rex included, felt horrible for what they had done to the Jedi Master. Anakin at the time had thought it was due to their extensive training on Kamino, where they learned to obey their Generals under any circumstances. Only later had he found out someone had gone to his men and told them all about Pong Krell, his devotion to the Jedi Order and his kindness towards his fellow Jedi. 

And of course, about his very young Padawan. 

Anakin had wanted to console her as well, had wanted to check up on her to make sure she was alright after the horrible news reached him. He knew very well the feeling of guilt about not being able to do something about the death of someone beloved and how the darkness would very easily latch onto that feeling and devour it. The council forbade him to act.

Instead they sent him on another mission – far from Umbara – a small planet in the mid rim. Simple humanitarian acts. The council had probably thought they showed mercy and compassion. Bantha shit. 

The young General turned around as he received a message on his comlink. A trooper signaled him that the shuttle would land shortly. Anakin thanked him and started walking towards the landing area they had cleared up. As he walked past his men he noticed how they tensed up and muted.  As if their earlier “whispers” hadn’t been loud enough for the entire system to hear. He sighed and regarded them with an empathetic gaze before he made his way to the front. He hoped they knew what he meant by that. He understood their fears. 

The shuttle had settled on the ground and Anakin and several of his troopers watched as the ships ramp rolled out. Seconds later a figure emerged from the bright lights of the ships. There she stood, General (L/N), clad in dark jedi robes. She took less than a second to inspect her surroundings, looking the clones right into their eyes before her gaze fell upon the fellow Jedi General. With a strong, confident walk and a serious, stern expression she stepped down the ramp and made her way to Anakin, ignoring the soldiers saluting her arrival.   --- You felt the clones’ nervousness in the force the moment the ship had touched Arami grounds. Good. They should fear you. They should shake underneath their bright white armor. 

Blue. They had chosen blue to paint their generic armor. A pathetic attempt at individuality. Red would have been more fitting in your opinion. Had Master Krells red blood spilled on their neatly painted armor when they murdered him in cold blood? You had asked yourself the question numerous times. It still haunted you. 

Dozens of eyes fell on you and you resisted the urge to shoot them a glare, deadlier than the two blue lightsabers attached to your hips. The council had sent you of all people on this idiotic mission. And you knew you had more important missions to attend to – in the calmness and familiarity  of your own presence. Not surrounded by mindless clones. The killers of the kindest man you had known in your life, nonetheless. 

“General (L/N)”, Skywalkers voice sounded. “It’s a pleasure to have someone as talented as you here with me.”

You knew of Anakin Skywalker. The golden boy of the galactic war. In fact, you had idolized him before Umbara had happened. Of course you knew he had nothing to do with what had happened, as he had been deployed elsewhere at the time, just like you yourself had been. B ut the fact that he continued to work with jedi-killers had shocked you. How was he able to live with these men that had killed one of you? 

“As it is for me, General Skywalker.”, you finally answered, taking the hand he had reached out to you and shaking it firmly. “My deepest and sincerest apologies for what happened to Master Krell.” Oh no. “I want you to know that I-” You didn’t give him the chance to continue what he had intended to say. No – you did not need his empty words of pity. 

“General I think we should discuss our strategy now.”, you instead cut him off with. “Yes...Of course.” Skywalker rubbed his forehead and sighed, stretching his arm out towards the location of their main tent. “But I just want to-”

You didn’t even give him the chance to speak, before abruptly turning towards the direction he had pointed at, determined to get this mission over as quickly as possible. It was then that you ran face first into a tall, broad man that had seemingly come out of nowhere. And your heightened Jedi senses had been too clouded with Skywalkers presence to recognize the other person.

Normally this simple occurrence would not have fazed you in the slightest. But this was Arami and aside from yourself and Skywalker there were only a certain group of people on the planet. Clones. 

Instinctively your hands went to your lightsabers and your mouth curled into an angry scowl, eyes burning with fury. What imbecile of a labor-bred traitor had dared to step in your way? 

You locked eyes with a blonde clone in full armor, clutching onto his helmet and already taking a few steps back. “General forgive me. I didn’t mean to-” The grip around your right lightsaber tightened. Had it not been for a decade of training in the arts of meditation, you would have probably jumped onto him like a feral beast and rammed your lightsaber right through that stupidly dyed head of his. Instead you decided to exhale deeply through your nostrils and stared right at him.

“It’s General (L/N) to you, soldier. Unlike you I have a name and I would prefer it be used to address me properly.” He could barely look into your eyes. 

“Oh you’ve met, Rex.”, you recognized Skywalker's voice from behind you. “Captain Rex to be exact. One of my most trusted men.” Yes you knew of the silly little nicknames the clones gave each other and you were also aware of what Anakin was trying to accomplish, but you decided to not fall into his trap and walked towards the command tent. 

“You okay, Rex?”, Anakin asked shortly after you left, laying his hand on Rex’ shoulder in a soft attempt to comfort. “Yeah...Yeah General. I don’t know what came over me. I wanted to apologize. I told myself now or never. But when I saw her I – I froze.” Anakin frowned, his eyebrows knitting in disbelief. “Rex you know you have nothing to apologize for. You acted in the name of justice.” The clone trooper stared at the ground, before putting his helmet back on. “If you say so.” 

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a/n: Originally I wanted to write out the entire idea of her sitting down with rex and talking it out and realizing how she had been in the wrong and even make it a little romantic but then i got a little carried away in the process and it turned out WAY too long anyway so- enjoy this. whatever it is. I’d call it experiment and me dipping into unknown territory to see if i want to continue lol  Maybe I will do a second part where they actually work it out tho