#medievalandfantasymelee

[graaaaceeliz]

Scene: London, sometime after the grudging resolution between Stephen and Maud re: the anarchy. After such a long bout of fear-riddles chaos, everyone is need of some indication of loyalty and unity. The solution? A tournament!

Many men have been invited, and now many of those have been eliminated. Some will go home, some will stay on, some will undoubtedly be quietly stabbed or loudly beaten behind the stables. One of those eliminated is Brother Cadfael; his friend Hugh Beringer is however still in the tourney.

@medievalandfantasymelee Dear Master of Revels, please reblog this so that it may reach its intended audience.

[fleurdufeu]

@medievalandfantasymelee

Propaganda for Mark Ryder's Cesare. He is hot. But more importantly he is a melodramatic ambitious disaster of a poor little meow meow.

in this scene he just chased a man into the room and killed him in front of his father the pope and all the other cardinals and mic drop quits being a cardinal after splashing murder blood on pope daddy.

Plus the requisite Vibes with Lucrezia

okay the last picture is just because I love the scenes with the bunny they cuddle whenever they go to be melodramatic at their mom's house

[hotvintagepoll]

Will Scarlett has lost his temporary lead in the Hot Medieval and Fantasy Man Melee, so I'm back with screenshots to prove my point that Will is the Hottest Boy in the Land. I normally avoid these types of long posts but I will do anything for my Slutty Merry Boy, so buckle in.

To introduce Will Scarlett—oh by the way here's the link to his whole movie—I think it's important context to know that when we first meet him, Robin is saving a man's life and Scarlett is staring at nothing in particular. His head is empty of thoughts. He looks this way the entire scene. I'm not sure he blinks.

As soon as the danger is over (a danger he did absolutely nothing to help with) he has a chuckle with Robin! Sunshine and laughter and roses!

The next time we see him (which is soon, because this movie loves Will Scarlett too), he is bitching because Robin had them sleep in the woods (???) and he got stabbed in the back by some acorns.

Here he is falling over a log.

Here he is getting smacked with a branch.

HERE HE IS AFTER GETTING SMACKED BY THE BRANCH.

He serves cunt continuously through the entire Little John sequence, and we don't have time for all of my screenshots, so just a quick smattering:

Here he is being hot and unsupportive when Robin decides to fight the biggest guy he's ever seen. (Scarlett literally says "your skull not mine" and then just stands there.)

Here he is getting in Robin's way.

Here he is, picking the hottest pose possible so he can be the bard and play little showtunes while Robin gets his ass kicked.

Oh my goddd fuck me.

Worth mentioning that Little John does loudly identify Will Scarlett as "a pretty fellow" and nobody contradicts this. In a world where all of Robin's men have one personality trait (big, friar, or tiny), Will Scarlett's is Slut.

Once we get out of the Will's Musical Singalong chapter and Robin goes in disguise to the archery contest, Scarlett does too, except whoever told him he couldn't wear his normal Versace didn't tell him what normal people wear because he shows up looking like this.

Absolutely nobody else in the crowd looks like that. That's just what he thinks the Normies are doing.

With Robin captured, you'd think it's time for Will Scarlett to contribute something. Unfortunately he is constitutionally incapable of not serving cunt at all times to the exclusion of all else, so Maid Marian thinks of the plot while he stands by looking really hot.

Here he is serving cunt as a monk. Jesus Christ.

HERE he actually does something during the climatic battle! I had forgotten but he does swing his sword around a little bit. He doesn't actually look hot while doing this which explains why he has never done it before.

i saved this screenshot with the caption "the beatles" and i'm not wrong.

here he is doing new things with blood eyeliner. very brat.

SUCH A SERVE THERE IN THE BACKGROUND AND FOR WHAT

in conclusion, Will Scarlett is a hot hot man who is clever (by his own estimation, never proven within the story) and extremely hot (by everyone else's estimation, proven twenty-seven thousand times over). He serves several different looks in the movie, all of them incredible, and is apparently brought along by Robin just for his charming good looks and lack of thoughts because he's certainly not good at anything else. He is the hero to all of us who want to hang out in this movie but not actually work out or hold a weapon, and the bard that every Sherwood story deserves. Vote Will Scarlett, my legend, my icon, my idiot.

@medievalandfantasymelee

[revivedrevengerumble]

Do you know a character that was killed? Did they come back to life to kill their murderer?

That's great! Now wouldn't it be fun to pit them against other characters who want to do the same thing?

Qualifications:

"Revived" can be used loosely; they can be brought entirely back to life, possess someone else, just be a ghost- or even a mix, as long as they were previously dead

Their main reason for coming back must be their revenge on the person/organization/etc that killed them; if their motivations later changed to something else, they give up on this goal, find out the person they thought killed them didn't/was an accident, or share the goal of revenge with something else (like protecting someone) that will not disqualify them

If the character was only dead for a short amount of time, or was brought back to life by another person immediately, you might need to convince me on why they should be let in

Rules:

Submitting more than one character is allowed, but repeat submissions of one are not (unless you can do it without me noticing)

Don't be rude to other people. I read all of my notes, I will see it and block you

As always, my askbox is open if you wish to submit additional propaganda (either during submissions or voting), or if you have any questions

@bestanimatedmovie @hotvintagepoll @medievalandfantasymelee @the-most-design-of-all-time

[firawren]

Sorry about all the Medieval Men posts lately (though this is far from the last one, I'm just getting started y'all) but I submitted my man Lan and all of my pics got lost apparently, so I need to rectify that!

This whole gifset of him training is sexy as hell

His cute little half smile:

His steely death stare:

And, you know, just general badassery and hotness:

This sexy times giftset is also hot as hell

VOTE LAN!

Still not convinced? Naked butt alert under the cut:

@medievalandfantasymelee

[kingoftheclaudes]

Propaganda

Art Harper (Twilight of Honor) - he drops all the advice and then promptly goes to bed. what an icon.

Earl of Hertford (The Prince and the Pauper) - I'm still super salty about him not even making it into round on of @medievalandfantasymelee's tournament, so here begins the Earl's redemption arc! We all need to take a moment to appreciate his fit (the robes! the furs! the beard! the jewels!) and what a style icon he is. He serves so hard and his character is honestly underutilized.

This is round one for The King of The Claudes tournament and other matchups can be found here!

Additional Propaganda under the cut!

Art Harper

Earl of Hertford

[forthegothicheroine]

The @medievalandfantasymelee "Queen of Love and Beauty" tournament is reminding me of the story, I think it was in Chretien de Troy, where Gawain asks "Can we please not do a fairest maiden award at this tournament, every knight is going to want his own girlfriend to win and get into fights when she doesn't?" and Arthur replies "True, but I'm bored and I don't care."

[orca-worca-woo]

Look, did they absolutely ruin Elrond’s character in the Lord of The Rings movies? Yes, absolutely. That is not Hugo Weaving’s fault. He put his whole elfussy into that performance with what he was given and he deserves to win the @medievalandfantasymelee poll

[vintagetvstars]

CLAUDE RAINS SINGING AHHH! Here's a clip of him singing the song "Prestige" in the 1957 TV movie "The Pied Piper of Hamelin"! LOOK AT HIM DANCING AHHHH HE'S SO SILLY

(Kudos to @medievalandfantasymelee for introducing this goofy goofball to the masses!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EqzR-ciV7g

Thanks!

- mod vintage

[gluecookie]

@medievalandfantasymelee

Some Cadfael propaganda showcasing his beautiful voice, kind eyes and kind words

[aneurins-barnard]

THE BESTSEDT RICH TO EVER CHARD

THE HOT MEDIEVAL & FANTASY MEN MELEE

SECOND ROUND: 36th Tilt

King Richard III Plantagenet, The White Queen (2013) VS. Will Scarlett, The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)

Propaganda

King Richard III Plantagenet, The White Queen (2013) Portrayed by: Aneurin Barnard Defeated Opponents: - “Taunting French Guard” [John Cleese], Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1972) - Robin Hood [Richard Todd], The Story of Robin Hood and His Merrie Men (1952)

“These puppy eyes could turn anyone into a Yorkist. "He's so pretty I want to cry".”

Will Scarlett, The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) Portrayed by: Patrick Knowles Defeated Opponents: - Syrio Forel [Miltos Yerolemou], Game of Thrones (2011-2019) - King Caspian X [Samuel West], BBC’s Prince Caspian and the Voyage of the Dawn Treader (1989)

“Will Scarlett: red Gucci boots. a little lute that he likes to strum. does absolutely nothing relevant to the plot and I think punches a guy, MAYBE once? is otherwise functionally useless. nonviolent king of the twinks. clearly the best character in robin hood (1938)”

Additional Propaganda Under the Cut

Additional Propaganda

For Richard III:

“Beautiful Richard. Were I Anne Neville, I too would have been in love with him from the moment I met him. His voice is like the wind; but a whisper, unless he must needs raise it, and then it is a roar; loud and powerful and terrible. I desire him.”

“He's supposed to be the most villain ever but he's so hot in a wet pathetic way. your kingdom for a horse? no need dicky you can ride me.”

For Will Scarlett:

“Will Scarlett, gorgeous, useless vision in red that you are. Truly the template for the useless vibing Merry Man who does nothing but chill and sing little songs.”

"reasons to vote for will scarlett:

he's useless. he does 0 things that contribute to the story beyond vibes. he is the icon for all of us who would drop into a swashbuckler adventure story and then do nothing besides look fantastic and fuck the hot male lead.

resources are limited and yet for some reason robin hood keeps around a man with 0 backstory, no fighting skills, who wears bright red when they're trying to sneak up on people and reacts to robin actually trying to save lives by looking like this:

"3. he plays the lute. he sings little songs when robin is getting his ass kicked. again, deeply relatable and who we all want to be

4. he is visually linked by wearing scarlet with robin's other main love interest, maid marian, who wears red at the pivotal moment she falls in love with robin hood (will scarlett, already happily esconsed in permanent fuckbuddy status, wears it continually)

"this tournament is full of manly men, heroic men, good and true men. but if we're getting truly hot we need to include some Useless Bastards, and peregrin took can not hold down this important coalition alone."

[ub-sessed]

@medievalandfantasymelee Propaganda for Jaskier (and Gordon the Mouse)

[graaaaceeliz]

Oddly invested in this story despite knowing nothing about Cadfael. Maybe “The Toxins of Vanity” requires it to be a poisoning and either motivated or suspected of being motivated by a jealous loser. (Oooo, or maybe a failed poisoning, so that it could be directed at a non eliminated contestant, or perhaps… the master of revels themself…)

I also request an appearance of the taunting French guard as an entertaining obstical to investigating some lead.

I love Toxins of Vanity! That's perfect for the theme where hundreds of handsome men are battling it out.

Cadfael is a monk in Shrewsbury Abbery during the anarchy period of English history, in the 1100s. He used to be a Crusader, so he's going to bump into people he knows in London.

Enough people voted for poisoning that someone will be getting poisoned, which may or may not be linked to the unfortunate events of the duel.

The guard will make an appearance, due to popular demand.

@medievalandfantasymelee we have a title!

[hotvintagepoll]

He seems to be temporarily out of danger at @medievalandfantasymelee but still too close for comfort, so I must continue my ongoing & deranged defense of the hottest of all medieval men, Will "Fuck Me" Scarlett, which would not be complete without his introduction. Here he is, staring at nothing for several minutes and being the boytoy of Sherwood’s dreams. (Robin Hood is there too and also hot.) No thoughts, head empty, soul GORGEOUS.

Vote Will Scarlett, useless beautiful peacock!

[masterhallmark]

The problem with most "hot character polls" is most people vote based on what fandoms they're in rather than for who is objectively hotter

(Glares at Merlin 1998 losing to Gandalf @medievalandfantasymelee )

[firawren]

Do you like hot monsters?

For the ease of my fellow monster fuckers, here are links to all of the polls, so far, in the Medieval and Fantasy Men hotness tourney that include a non-human character:

60: Geralt z Rivii (The Witcher 2002) — witcher*

57: Bilbo Baggins (Hobbit) — hobbit

56: Vlad III Dracula (Dracula Untold) — vampire

50: Rilk (JourneyQuest) — orc

44: Thranduil (Hobbit) — elf

25. Thorin Oakenshield (Hobbit) — dwarf

22: Bofur (Hobbit) — dwarf

21. Frodo Baggins (LOTR) — hobbit

20: Lurtz (LOTR) — orc

17. Simon Aumar (DnD 2023) — half elf

15: Darkness (Legend) — demon

10: Mr. Tumnus (Narnia) — faun

9: Old Elrond vs Young Elrond (LOTR) — elf

8: Gimli (LOTR) — dwarf

3: Arman (I Am Dragon) — dragon shifter

* Debatable whether a witcher is human or not, but I'm including him just in case

Let's not debate which of these are "monsters." The point is, they're all not human.

I'm personally not voting for all of the non-humans, but likely you'll find a few who you find hot!

I'll make another master post like this after the remaining qualifying round polls are posted.

I highly recommend following @medievalandfantasymelee! It's a fun tournament!