#medications aren't all made equal for all of us

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

I hope this question isn't too personal and please don't answer if it is. You have mentioned getting help for your adhd with medication. What medication has helped you or made the biggest difference?

I was diagnosed with adhd a year ago and was put on Elvanse but it hasn't helped and just makes me incredibly anxious and unable to focus.

I'm trying to research what other medication I could try but my doctor isn't being very helpful because according to them "adhd isn't a disability".

I'd love to be able to get some reprieve from this condition, it's destroying my life, so if you're willing to share info on what's helped you it would be hugely appreciated.

Thank you

Hiya anon,

(Medical chat and thoughts under the Read More and as I'm not a doctor and have no idea what I'm doing or talking about, I'm putting the rest under a thingo).

Unfortunately, while meds helped me work a bit better (although you know, I'm burnt out, and I'm writing the least I've written since I started writing, so actually I'm not sure that starting 'too many stories at the same time' is actually 'a bit better' than how it was before), mostly ADHD does run rampant over my life. I can't work conventional work hours, I forget important things, I have massive issues with executive dysfunction, and I zone in and out of conversations more often than I'd like.

I take Vyvanse, which - sounding from what you're taking - is probably the same thing. *googles quickly* Yep, it is.

ADHD meds are hard. It's definitely worth trying different ones, if you can, as well as different dosages (for example, a higher dose of Elvanse might work better for you, a lower dose might). There's also quick acting / fast release ADHD meds. And there's atypical meds like Atomoxetine (also known as Strattera) which some people find really good fortune with.

Finally, if you have no luck with any ADHD meds, it might be important to do a differential diagnosis with other conditions that might mimic ADHD symptoms (of which there are many mental illnesses that do this), because in those cases, you may find that the medication treatments for them help you WAY more.

Recently someone I know who has been on lithium all her life found out she was massively misdiagnosed, and actually had something else. Lithium doesn't suit almost any other condition, except for what she was diagnosed with, which explains why she never improved at all on it and actually got worse. She thought there was something wrong with her, the reality was that there was something wrong with her diagnosis. I'm not saying this is the case with you! BUT, when none of the meds work, and they all give you the opposite of what they're supposed to be doing, it is definitely worth chasing up other diagnoses. If you go to get an ADHD assessment, often those people don't look at the other potential culprits for the same symptoms, esp if they're ADHD specialists. (This is the same for just about any mental health or disorder - sometimes if you get a hammer than can only hit ADHD nails, it's going to miss the other nails.)

But yeah, it's very likely not the case for you anon, but after this other person's experience, I'd feel remiss if I don't point out that if - after a long time of trying / exhausting med options - you find you have no joy, sometimes it's because you're in the wrong 'family' of meds for what you have going on.

(I am not a doctor, just relating anecdotal stuff.)

I don't know if you'll have more luck asking your doc for specific meds. Unfortunately in Australia, ADHD is also not considered a disability, despite the fact that it is clearly disabling for hundreds of thousands of people here. I'm really sorry you're having to deal with those attitudes too, anon.

And finally, no ADHD med is perfect. It might help some things, and hinder others. But it definitely shouldn't be making things worse. It might be worth taking a bit of a holiday from the meds (if your doctor / therapist agrees) and mood tracking for a while before starting back on them, to see how bad of a difference it is.

There are unfortunately not a ton of meds specifically for ADHD. Most are variations of a similar kind of med (stimulants), and everyone has different experiences based off their chemical make-up and what they need. My sister gets really intense emotional blunting on Vyvanse, I get more emotional. We're related, and we still have pretty big differences with med responses on the same meds.

I wish I could be more help! My own life is a complete mess for the most part, I wouldn't say I'm someone who has this all figured out at all. I should be on a higher dose, but unfortunately I have other health stuff going on which means I can't be, so I'm just going to have to put up with a fair amount of disabling ADHD forever.

[omnium-gatherums]

Hmm do u think there’s any like signs of a good did therapist? things that stick out so u know they’re good and credible. any ways to tell u think

I thought I remembered making a post about this ages ago, but I can't find it, so.

(CDD = complex dissociative disorders, which includes DID, some people with OSDD, Partial DID, and some people diagnosed with unspecified dissociative disorders who may just be people with one of the other three diagnoses instead)

🟢 Good:

Understands that DID is most often subtle and difficult to notice; that most people with DID do not present with obvious, drastic personality changes

Treats each alter equally, doesn't treat any one alter as "The" "actual/real/true/main" "person"; doesn't try to force one alter/"The Host" to be the only alter to present in therapy/etc.

Understands that functional multiplicity is a completely real and valid way to heal and recover with DID; that you do not need to fuse all alters into "one" in order to recover and heal along with having DID

Adapts/adjusts to the unique language that you use for yourself/your system/alters/etc.

Doesn't make treating you as a system (if that's how you want to be treated) contingent on having a CDD diagnosis. By this I mean that regardless of if you have a CDD or not, regardless of any kind of syscourse, is this the way you exist? Is this how you live your life - how you and other parts/alters/headmates/etc. in your system live your lives? A good therapist should treat y'all the ways you want to be treated and not deny you the rights to exist the ways you do on the basis of whether or not you have a CDD

Do you feel safe around them? Comfortable? Of course having a new therapist at first is difficult and it will take time to build trust and being comfortable around your therapist, but there is difference between the beginning stages of getting to know someone and not really trusting them yet versus feeling actively uncomfortable around them/unsafe. If you actively feel unsafe/uncomfortable with your therapist, this might be a sign that they might not be a good one.

Would you feel sad if you no longer had them as a therapist?

Is willing to admit when they're wrong/willing to admit when they've made mistakes

🔴 Bad:

Won't diagnose DID because they "didn't see you switch" (seeing somebody switch is not a requirement for a DID diagnosis)

Won't diagnose DID because "trauma wasn't bad/wasn't that bad/wasn't bad enough"

Won't diagnose DID because they expect extremely drastic personality changes

Doesn't "believe" in "repressed memories"/that you can have amnesia for trauma and later remember that trauma

Dismisses memories that you claim you had amnesia before; even if there is true reason to believe that your suspicions aren't correct, a good therapist would not immediately be dismissive and minimize your concerns. There are ways to navigate trying to tell someone if you truly feel their memories aren't adding up, and dismissing them and minimizing their concerns/suspicions is not one of them

Treats "the host" (if you have one) as "the actual/real/true/main person"

Tries to force final fusion; thinks that final fusion is the only way to heal/that it's the "real/true" way to heal

Tries to force certain language onto you/your system/etc. (such as forcing you to call your alters parts when you don't personally feel comfortable with that)

Are you afraid of them? Do you feel unsafe around them?

Do you dread going to therapy - not because therapy itself can be draining due to talking about heavy things, but because of seeing them/speaking to them/because you dread seeing your therapist/etc.?

If you had access to a different therapist, would you change therapists in a heartbeat? In this hypothetical, they won't cost any more or less money and nothing else will be a problem and nothing is preventing you from seeing the new therapist.

Tries to push medication

The most important rule is to trust yourself.

If a therapist doesn't feel like a good fit for you, if you have your doubts, if something feels off, DO NOT HESITATE to seek out a different therapist. You don't have to find a reason to "justify" finding a new therapist - you can seek out a different therapist for ANY reason. Any reason is a valid reason. Yes, any reason, even if it truly is a "stupid" and "unreasonable" reason.

For us personally, we know that our therapist is good because:

We feel safe and comfortable around her. Enough to have opened up about things we otherwise tell NO-ONE

We feel seen. We feel like she truly "sees" "us"

We feel safe and comfortable to open up to her and talk to her about when she's said something that upset us, and we do talk about it! We talk it out in a healthy and safe and productive way and we come to an understanding and we feel better when we do

We actively look forward to therapy and seeing her and talking about things with her

We truly have improved, our denial as truly gotten so much better and overall we really have been improving ever so slowly

Sometimes you're in a position where sometimes you have no choice but to "settle" for a therapist even if they aren't perfect. That's okay too. However, sometimes having no therapist is better than having a therapist that actively makes your mental health worse. Never, ever, ever settle for a therapist who makes your mental health worse. It's better to have no therapist than to have a therapist who is actively making your life/mental health/etc. worse.

There are definitely way more red flags and green flags, but this is what I've got for now.

[paperbackpanic]

Game night with the pastas

🎯 This is a way to keep harmony in the mansion and prevent that hell gets there. It's like a purge day, they can do (almost) everything that they desire in this one game night as long as they behave before and after

🎯 there'll be all kinds of games you can imagine, from Mario kart to black jack to monopoly. And all of the pastas will participate in at least 2 of them

🎯 Everyone knows Ben is the king of Mario kart but, surprisingly enough, Sally is as good as if not a little bit better than him. Maybe is because everyone takes easy on her or maybe is because she's that good.

🎯 Once in a blue moon, the pastas will convince Slender to join them in the game night. When he does he absolutely SMASHES everyone in almost all games, centuries of life (and maybe his mind reading power) made him a god in games. The only ones that he doesn't win are the electronic ones but "is just because I can't play them" in his words ((the truth is that he hasn't figured out how to even grab the controller))

🎯 Surprise to some, Jeff sucks in almost every game except Mario kart and black jack

🎯 They WILL play cards against humanity in every game night. Jane, Nina and Kate are the ones that win the most although everyone has their fair share of wins

🎯 They used to make money bets in various games but it would result in almost all of them cheating and in absolute caos. Money bets are now banned for good

🎯 Truth or dare is a must for them and everyone is forced to play.

🎯 The child pastas will participate in the beginning of the game night, it'll be significantly easier and family friendlier when they're there but as soon as they go to sleep that's when the real show begins

🎯 One time (after the childs are in bed) they played a strip game. Masky was the only one fully clothed after it ends, although he didn't cheat everyone secretly thinks he did.

🎯 Blood painter and LJ are kings in "guess who" with 3 or less clues they can already get it right

🎯 They always play Uno to end the night, is quick and fun. They'll have quirky rules like the "7 no talk", "9 slap the pile" and "0 switches", combining +2s with +4s is allowed and stacking them is also allowed. Due to the huge number of players they'll combine 3 or 4 decks Wich results in an significant increase of special cards which equals more caos

🎯 They have almost all the board and videogames known to man is insane

🎯 By the children request, they one time played hide and seek in the woods. It took almost all night for it to end

🎯 Toby smashes everyone in poker, I'll not elaborate

🎯 there's always alcohol, all kinds. wich if you stop to think isn't a very good idea. Mentally unstable people some of them taking heavy medication, competitive games and alcohol aren't exactly a good mix but who cares right?

🎯 MUSIC!! They have a collective playlist that lasts AT THE VERY LEAST 13 hours. They put it on random every game night. It goes from children music, to funk to rock and heavy metal to classical to pop. Is super chaotic

[olderthannetfic]

I still think the people responding to the abortion thing with "well you wouldn't want them to raise that kid" are missing the point a bit, though. Even if someone has ample resources to take care of a kid, and they're fully prepared to be the best parent ever, they still have an inherent right to abort a pregnancy they don't want. Like focusing on "an ableist parent wouldn't be the best to raise that kid!" or "what if they don't have the resources for the health care they need!' opens up the "adoption" argument - and I'm sure many people would counter it with all the problems of the adoption system particularly for disabled kids. But even if adoption were a surefire way to ensure every child finds the perfect loving home, it is still wrong to force the pregnant person to use their body for 9 months to carry a pregnancy when they would rather not. The problems with relying overmuch on this argument is it has a kind of ugly implication that if a woman has no economic or emotional reason to struggle to raise a kid, it's mean and selfish for her not to be a mother. We saw some of that with the overturning of Roe in the U.S. - a lot of rhetoric of how this was bad just because of how it would affect poor or minority women. And I just wanted to be like, okay, but a wealthy white woman with ample resources who just doesn't want to have a kid, shouldn't have to have a kid. And it's still a massive violation of her human rights to force her to carry an unwanted pregnancy for 9 months. Like I thought one of the anons made this clear, but people keep saying this so maybe they're not getting it: but think of the burden that pregnancy puts on a body? Think about all the little things you have to do differently if you're pregnant. You can't drink, you can't take certain medications, including some that a lot of people's mental and physical health relies on the rest of the time. It literally moves around your organs to accommodate the growing fetus. It's just painful and nauseating a lot of time. That's not even going into how it's often enough of a medical emergency that it regularly killed pregnant people before we had access to modern medicine and hospitals, and still does in other parts of the world, or with people who refuse that treatment. Isn't that enough to convince you that it's horrifying to inflict that on someone unwillingly? I understand focusing on financial burdens and so on because it helps convince people who maybe aren't all there with respecting bodily autonomy. But also, I'm a cis woman who has no desire to be pregnant and have kids, and sure the fact that I haven't got a lot of money right now helps, but I know that if I was a billionaire and had tons of people at the ready to help raise my kids for me, I still wouldn't want to be a mother. And it's bizarre how radical that is to say even in ostensibly feminist, progressive spaces. A lot of people are just still so deeply uncomfortable with women (or anyone they see as a woman) deciding to choose life paths that don't include motherhood, in a way they simply are not with men eschewing fatherhood. And we can't really talk about gender equality until that starts to change. There's no reason that being born as a particular gender should limit the kind of life that people let you live or even imagine. There's nothing about being a woman that makes you more nurturing or parental, and so no reason that you shouldn't be able to decide that's not for you.

--

[jewish-vents]

Please give me advice. I need help. October 7th and beyond has ruined my mental health.

I'm an Asian Jew and I couldn't be happy watching the Emmys. For those who don't know, Shogun made so much history. I want to be happy. I really do. It's HUGE.

I can't be happy. I'm aware of the tension. Two amazing Jews hosted but I felt it. I'm suddenly aware of everything. I'm immediately looking for the Jews. I'm aware that a lot of the people in that room are antisemitic. My anxiety and stress are off the charts.

I'm happy for the diversity and yet all I can think about is how things like diversity don't include Jews or think about us. I'm too aware of how invisible we are. And yet when we're visible it's too dangerous for us so we can never win. October 7th cemented the fact that these things like diversity aren't genuinely cared about. Because how can you claim to want diversity and equality and rights for minorites and hate Jews? Can someone explain?

An actor pointed out how diverse the Emmys are now. I feel nothing. The Covid pandemic brought a trend where everyone wants to fight oppression and support the oppressed. It was that same trend that has come to hurt us in every way. Everything feels fake to me now. This diversity can't mean anything to me when Jews are constantly being harassed, targetted, killed and hurt and these so called activists cheer.

How am I supposed to feel when the crowd that says "stop calling rape victims and women liars" don't believe Jewish women were raped on October 7th? In the eyes of activists, the people who are supposed to care about human rights and support diversity, we are liars who lie about everything especially rape and antisemitism.

I will slowly accept the fact that yes diversity is happening regardless of everything else and yes even the littlest change is still change and progress is always slow and painful. But I don't think I can ever accept how diversity excludes us. How social justice excluses us. How the left excludes us. How the world excludes us. I won't ever accept it.

To anon and everybody else struggling with their mental health:

We previously posted some mental health resources here. While therapy and psychiatric medication may not be accessible to everyone who needs them because of financial concerns, the support groups mentioned in the post are free, virtual, and available both to Jews and to people who are close enough to the Jewish community to be affected by the current situation.

[a-lilac-lyric]

 Possible explanations for why King Roland made his first wish on the Wishing Well

Now all of these aren't so much theories per say as “throwing stuff on a wall and seeing what sticks” because the showrunners could not delve into topics like this in the actual runtime, and it probably wouldn't have been very relevant to the story that they were trying to tell anyway, so nearly every theory has an equal likelihood to be true more or less.

  (I'm also not going to mention this in my write ups for the possible reasons for the wish, and we have no way of proving this one way or the other, but I'm always inclined to prefer the thought that Roland II had discussed making the wish with Lorelei before he actually made it since it would be something that would affect both of them. Even if it only physically affected one of them. Because this just seems like the type of thing you should tell your partner about if you do it).

 This is a long post (Over 2000 words), so I'm putting it under the cut, but TLDR there are several different magical and physical reasons that are possible.

 General content warning for discussion of topics that are too dark/medical to ever be shown in a kids show. Spoilers for Forever Royal.

 We should first start off with what the wish was in the first place in case you don't know or need a refresher. Word for word, this is how it's stated in the flashback scene in the episode Forever Royal:

  “In the nearby castle lived King Roland the Second, who had wanted a family so badly he tried making a wish in a wishing well. The wish came true, and twins were born. But the Queen fell gravely ill….* The children were happy but never knew what it was like to have a mother.”

 * The quote never says that she is dead in so many words, but the visual on screen is of the queen arranged on a bed with her eyes closed, holding flowers. There's basically no other way to interpret it except that she's been laid out for a funeral.

 Now, as a note, we never actually get to hear what her name is in the show, but the creator of the show Craig Gerber made a Twitter post saying that her name was Lorelei https://x.com/CraigGerber_/status/1038831208430370817?mx=2 (as a personal note I normally consider stuff that show creators or writers say on Twitter or other social media as secondary Canon, but I basically completely accept this because we don't have any alternative name, and it works. And I'm sure that they'd use it in the sequel series if they ever talk about her.) So I'm going to be referring to her with that name for the rest of this post.

 When analyzing this quote, it seems that “wanted a family” basically means “wanted to have biological children” since we know he already has a wife and family members like a sister and a mom. I just think it's interesting that they word it this way because it kind of masks what his actual wording would have been to the wishing well. Because in the episode “When you wish upon a well” the well did grant Amber’s second wish in a way that fulfilled the basic criteria of her wish, and yet caused an unintended side effect that deeply distressed Amber and put Sofia in danger. So, it could possibly be that the way Roland wished for children could also be interpreted as accidentally directly causing Lorelei’s death. But we don't know what the words were, so we don't know if that was what happened or not. “Fell gravely ill” is a vague enough statement that it can basically be interpreted to fit any kind of theory.

 So without further ado, here are almost all of the ways I could think of that could be motivation for making the wish. (AKA infertility theories.)

Magical reasons:

 In this world, magic is an everyday fact of life, so they could have been unable to have kids because of a curse! Now it could be a curse on either Roland or Lorelei, and then the curse was just too strong to be broken by regular magic, but the Well’s magic was strong enough to get past it, (permanently or temporarily). The possible motives could be basically anything. It could have been cast by a jealous ex-lover, or a person who thought that the union was bad for political reasons.

 But I did come up with a fun little theory that maybe it was a curse that was intended to be benevolent, behold: The Double Bloodline Curse!

 We know that the throne of Enchancia passes from oldest child to oldest child, and the same seems to be true for the royal wizard as well. Both lines are hereditary, and both are always parallel to each other. It makes sure that the reigning monarch always has a royal wizard and vice versa. But it is interesting because Roland the First and Goodwin the Great are approximately the same age, same with both of their sons, and both of their granddaughters to an extent, although the age difference is seemingly larger between Amber and Calista.

 Now this could be just a coincidence that the people in these families born for 3 generations are very close in age, but what if it wasn't? What if there was some kind of spell or curse set on the people from both bloodlines so that they wouldn't be able to have children until their counterpart(s) was/(were) also in a position to be able to have children. Let's say that Roland the Second married and tried to have kids, but both Cedric and Cordelia were not married or seeing anyone and/or just neither of them were interested in having children at that time. Therefore, the curse activated to prevent Roland II from having any children.

 And this curse was probably put on the line by an actual royal wizard from it, assuming that it would be better off for both families and the sake of the kingdom if the new monarch and the new wizard were always peers age wise so that they could both ascend to their positions at the same time. Is that flawed reasoning and ultimately going to hurt their families more than help them in the long run? Absolutely! But it wouldn't be the craziest or worst thing that someone from either of these families has done.

 It's definitely possible for it to be magical reasons and would be interesting to explore in fanfic, but this isn't the only possibility.

Biological reasons that are linked to infertility:

 The first one is what if Lorelei was unable to biologically have children.

 It's popular fan-cannon (and I have seen it used in several fan fictions), that Lorelei was too physically weak for her body to/she had some kind of physical condition that meant she couldn't bear children. But the wish overrode that condition and after giving birth she was so weak that whatever possible illness/birth complications/regular pregnancy recovery happened afterwards she wasn't strong enough to survive it.

 In my opinion this one seems plausible, but I personally do not like it and do not think it makes sense for the characters. If she seemed medically unfit to give birth before the wish, then it would be ludicrously irresponsible for Roland II to make a wish for her to have the kids that didn't also strengthen her in a way that she could have them and survive. Additionally, I believe that if there was a lot of worry throughout the pregnancy that she might not be able to survive it, that Roland would have just made a second wish for her to be strong enough.

 Some may argue that it wouldn't have been possible to strengthen her enough to be able to survive giving birth, but may I point out that the wishing well has the ability to turn a regular human girl into a cat. Like literally change your species. Strengthening someone enough so that they can survive a pregnancy seems pretty minor compared to turning someone into a cat.

 And Roland is normally pretty good at noticing when people he loves are in distress, he'll stop what he's doing and talk with them and try to make the situation better. Now if Lorelei was hiding her physical symptoms from everyone for whatever reason, it could be possible to do that with others especially servants who she didn't spend much time with, but considering how much time Roland spends with Miranda he probably spent the same amount of time with his first wife. If they were in close proximity to each other that often for months on end he would notice if something was wrong and ask her about it and try to solve the problem. Therefore, I personally don't subscribe to it in my own headcanons.

 Another interpretation of this is that Lorelei was the one who is unable to have children, but it was because of some type of condition that was not due to weakness but another type of biological factor(s). The wish allowed her to have the kids, but then she died because the Well directly took her life as a price for the wish/because of how the wish was worded. Or she just happened to get unlucky and die from one of the several medical reasons that a person can die from giving birth no matter their physical strength. It's pretty similar to the first one but I am much more inclined towards it.

 But what if Roland was the one who was biologically unable to have children?

 This one doesn't seem to be explored in any fan fictions I've seen but I think this one is interesting to consider as well. I think most people's reasoning is that if Lorelei died from the wish, then the wish must have just physically affected her and therefore cause [wish] equals effect [death], but if it was going to take her life as a price/consequence for the wish anyway, it may not have necessarily needed to have affected her physically at all. Or the Well never took her life at all, she just got really unlucky and died from random chance. And there's plenty of medical reasons that men can be unable to have children. We don't know what kind of medical knowledge they have in Enchancia, but it may not have been advanced enough to find a solution for Roland or even know that he was the one who was infertile.

 He could have caught an illness as a child that had adult infertility as a side effect (angst potential. If he was also isolated for a long period of time away from other kids this could also partially explain why he became estranged from Cedric). Or it could be a genetic reason, like being intersex (I say as I read that one of the most common noticeable effects of Klinefelter syndrome is being tall. And it would fulfill a certain letter for possible LGBTQIA+ headcannons). Or he could have been severely overworking and under eating (there are a few times in the show where he does this, albeit not to a self-destructive extent, and that’s after he’s had kids and been king for years, also angst potential).

 If this was true, then it could also be possible that he was only temporarily able to have kids depending on how the wish worked. Or depending on the wording of the wish he might only be able the have kids with Lorelei exclusively. So if he and Miranda wanted to make a kid together, they might not be able to (more angst), unless another wish was made (but I doubt he would risk it).

 And a really dark possibility for Roland being infertile is that maybe the wish did NOT make him fertile but instead had a, what I am going to describe as a “love potion” effect on Lorelei and she got pregnant from someone who was not Roland. Now I think that this possibility is really horrifying for a number of reasons, but I've never seen it used in a fanfiction before and I'm not sure if anyone else has ever thought of it, but it exists now. I say that Amber and James do look like Roland, but I would also say that they definitely look more like Lorelei than him, so if you wanted to do a horrifying big drama fanfic this is a possibility for that.

Biological/other reasons that are not infertility:

 But what if their trouble with having children wasn't linked to infertility?

 There is the possibility that Royal Prep/other schools they had gone to had such a terrible sex education class that neither of them knew how to get pregnant and at this point were too afraid to ask. So they wished for it instead. I think this one only works if you're going for an adult humor fanfiction because, this just seems really unlikely to me. Even if they hadn't been educated in school, they would probably still ask someone or have been told by someone or have read it in a book by this point. Especially since part of their job as ruling monarchs is to produce heirs, I'm sure someone in the court would have explained it to them if they didn't know.

 Another slightly more reasonable but still unlikely reason is that maybe one or both of them was asexual. So they needed another way to start the pregnancy and decided magic was a good way to do it. I feel like if this was true then they could have just solved this by going to an actual wizard or doctor and getting help from them, so I don't think this is very likely but I'm trying to go through all the possibilities here.

 But on a far more serious note there as been a possibility I've been thinking about lately that does seem likely considering how often it happens in real life. It could be possible that Roland and Lorelei had already tried to have children, and she was able to get pregnant, but it ended in a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Maybe she was already pregnant by the time Roland made the wish, and he wished that this time it would be a successful pregnancy. The way he looks in the flashback makes it seem like Roland is really sad and kind of desperate about the whole situation and if this possibility was true, then it adds an extra layer of sadness to the whole ordeal.

 ****Also, this isn't attached to any single theory but I wanted to add this: I think that whether the wish caused Lorelei’s death or she died from completely natural causes, it must have happened fairly quickly. If the illness that she got after giving birth lasted a long time, then wouldn't there have been enough time for Roland to have made another wish to save her? Meanwhile if it happened very quickly or without much warning then he may not have had enough time to save her. If it happened quickly, it would also mean that there was less of a chance for the doctors or midwives or sorcerers to do anything to save her.

 *****And regardless of whether it actually was the magic of the wish that killed her or it was from the same causes that any non magical birth can suffer from, I think Roland believes that it was his fault that Lorelei died. He probably doesn't know for sure whether it was the wish that did it or not, but that wouldn't matter if he felt like it was his fault. His exact words to Amber about it were: “My wish didn't turn out so well either.” But we know that he loves Amber and James, and he's very proud of them, so the quote isn't about being a father to them or their existence. So the only other possibility for him saying that it didn't turn out well is what happened to Lorelei.

On that note, those are all the reasons I could think of. Feel free to say in the reblogs or comments which one you think is most likely and/or which one is your favorite. Here's a cookie for getting to the end of this post 🍪

[wrishwrosh]

re: tags on labor in historical fiction post, would be very interested to hear what the four examples you mentioned are!!

ok u know what that tag WAS bait, thank you for taking it. technically speaking these aren't works dealing strictly with labor in historical fiction, they are my four treasured examples of BUREAUCRAT FICTION (so not NOT about labor in history?) i was gonna try to make this post pithy and short but then i remembered how extremely passionate i am about this microgenre i made up. so sorry.

bureaucrat fiction is not limited by genre or format but criteria for inclusion are as follows: long and detour-filled story about functionary on the outside of society finding unexpected success within a ponderously large and powerful System/exploring themes of class and physicality and work and autonomy and what it means to hold power over others beneath the heartless crushing wheels of empire/sad little man does paperwork. also typically long as hell. should include at least one scene where the protagonist is unironically applauded-perhaps for the first time in their life-for filling out a form really good. without further ado:

soldier's heart by alex51324. the bureaucracy: british army medical corps during wwi. the bureacrat: mean gay footman/new ramc recruit thomas barrow. YEAH it's a downton abbey fic YEAH it's a masterpiece. i've talked about it before at length, my love has not faded. the crowning moment of bureaucracy is a long interlude where thomas optimizes the hospital laundry (this actually happens twice or maybe three times)

hands of the emperor by victoria goddard. the bureaucracy: crumbling fantasy empire some time after magical apocalypse. the bureacrat: passionate late-career clerk from the hinterlands cliopher mdang. i reread this book every winter bc it is as a warm bath for my SAD-addled brain and every time i neglect all my responsibilities to read all nine billion pages in three days. it puts abt 93% of the worldbuilding momentum into elaborating all of the ministries and secretaries and audits necessary to run a global government and like 7% into the magic and stuff. there are also several charming companion novellas and an equally long sequel that dives more into the central relationship between cliopher and the emperor which i highly recommend if you like gentle old man yaoi and/or magic, but there's more bureaucracy in HOTE.

the cromwell trilogy by hilary mantel. the bureaucracy: court of henry viii. the bureaucrat: thomas cromwell, the real guy. curveball! it's critically acclaimed booker prize winning rpf novel wolf hall! mantel is really interested in particular ways of gaining and maintaining power in delicate and labyrinthine systems like the tudor court, specifically in strongmen who use both physical intimidation and metaphysical manipulation to succeed. under these conditions i do think my best friend long-dead historical personage thomas cromwell counts as Bureaucrat Fiction (as do danton and robespierre in a place of greater safety. bonus rec.)

going postal by terry pratchett. the bureaucracy: fantasy postal service of ankh-morpork. the bureaucrat: conman, scammer, and little freak moist von lipwig. this is definitely shorter and lighter than the other three entries on the list, sort of a screwball take on the bureaucrat. but the mail is such a classic bureaucracy thing? who doesn't love thinking about the mail? also contains a key genre element which is a fraught sexual tension with the person immediately above the protagonist in their hierarchy, who is also their god-king and boyfriend-dad. you can't tell me vetinari isn't torturing moist psychologically AND sexually.

anyway sorry about all this. if you've read any of these come talk to me about them. bureaucrat fiction recs welcomed with the openest possible arms.

[corvidist]

Originally written on Discord so apologies for any poor grammar/formatting:

This is an alternate ending of First Home, or maybe will be the ending, who knows, where things go differently enough to the point that response to first contact ends up handled by the UN instead of just NATO. It still doesn't go swimmingly but it is orders of magnitude than other possible scenarios. A lot of Directors still have a lot of beef with a lot of Humans and vice versa, but a series of agreements are able to be worked out in which some Director tech is provided, especially in terms of reversing climate change, medical, food production, etc. with a billion caveats. In exchange all UN member states are required to allow Directors equal citizenship, halt certain practices toward regular Corvids (Hunting outside of last resort conservation measures, pet trade, etc.), and recognize Director "sovereignty" over Mars with the understanding that Humans will be allowed to live there in a similar manner to Directors being allowed to live on Earth, in exchange for providing Human computer/internet/broader IT tech. The Moon/Luna is split up between various Director territories and Human companies/governments, while Venus is not covered by any documents though is broadly speaking largely inhabited by Directors living in airship cities. 

The side doodle is of a Space liner arriving at a Fourth Home/Martian "lightship", essentially a border checkpoint. The Directors and other Humans on board are understandably excited to be so close to reaching Mars after two weeks in space, though Amy here is dreading the notoriously convoluted and contradictory paperwork and staff, run through a system of dozens of jostling collectives. Her company is vying for faster arrival times too. The North Star Line, founded in Belfast in the late 21st century, is one of several major space-based transport companies that popped up around the world during and in the aftermath of the chaos of the 2050s-2090s. Its name and logo are in direct though never stated reference to the White Star Line of old, though in a major difference from its namesake, it is a Republic of Ireland state-owned company. Surprisingly, it has been wildly successful as a multinational across Europe as many of the more unstable governments such as Germany fell apart. It primarily competes with China National Aerospace Transport (and CNAT international), and JL (Originally Japan Airlines, changed to Japan Lines after they began large scale space travel operations), on top of several other major companies, co-ops, and state-owned enterprises out of India, Nigeria, Indonesia, Canada, England, France, Brazil, the US, etc. 

Many of these places, still in the middle of their own recovery or experiencing a rise in the Collective movement (based directly off Director collective organization, meant to be a Human version of it), many new religious movements, etc., are not as focused on space transport as the "big three" that are in constant competition as a matter of both national pride and broader rapport. Director space transport on the other hand is fairly similar to how it's always been, in that it's run by collectives, families, or unitary groups that live on their own ships and often treat them as self-sustaining cities. 

The events of the past decades have shaken them to their core, though. As many who were on the generation ship were already spacers, spacer culture has increasingly amalgamated more and more Director cultures as society is plagued with the constant question of "Will it happen again?". To that end, it is customary for many long-range transport ships to been made essentially self-sustaining, with minimum crew requirements of several hundred. Though there is noone enforcing this officially, it is not entirely unusual for mobs, both from new religious/spiritualist movements, or more often just terrified people, to forcibly attempt to stop or sabotage transport ships that aren't built to essentially be their own generation ship, at least to some capacity. 

This means many Director ships focus on size as opposed to number, even in cases where this makes no sense otherwise, like between Twentieth Home (Now Second Home) and Fourth Home (Mars), which it is currently in the hundreds of years long process of terraforming. Directors still bicker over the collective, unitary, and other systems, though in many places both have entered into a kind of coexistence where the collectives exist but people kinda swap in and out of them a lot of the time. 

Some Director-controlled locations have begun manufacturing weapons. Concerns around this first emerged as agreements and massive distrust toward Humanity were being worked out. Directors still don't have standing armies, although they do have ships dedicated to hurtling asteroids, more standard munitions (some of which you can see on the lightship in the doodle) and biological/chemical weapons now. These are largely overseen by unitary groups, as it is deemed too dangerous for one collective or multiple collectives to control. 

Many Directors have also chosen to return to First Home, though their reception varies quite a bit, ranging from religious worship to violence. With how big the physical differences are between the species and the chaos both societies are trying to navigate, immigration between them isn't very common outside of Luna/Third Home, where rules in place and new construction make cohabitation actually somewhat standard albeit a little convoluted thanks to jurisdictional issues. You walk down one hallway and you're at the border of New Zealand, another hallway and you're in a Director community where there is no official governance. For this reason movement is pretty heavily regulated between them. 

Meanwhile, Humans in the places they can manage to live on Mars/Fourth Home often find themselves feeling like they can't get into director communities, both literally and figuratively. Human communities on Mars/Fourth Home are fairly compact. Its hard for a Human to make friends with one or a few Directors but it can certainly be done and is extremely common online, something which has increasingly helped bring both species together. Still, it’s near impossible for Humans to fit in with large groups of Directors, especially in states of collective psychology they can’t understand, making it much harder for Humans to live in Director society, where they can barely communicate, vs Directors trying to live in human society where they will probably get depressed from the limited socialization but will generally be able to get by for a bit. 

These Human communities on Mars/Fourth Home are often run by governments as embassies (to a country that has never existed or claimed to exist) or as purpose built communities to attract Humans, whether that's to try and get them to expand resource/tech trade, for cultural exchange, for religious reasons, etc. 

Directors don't engage in capitalist-style economies really unless they live on Earth (even then it’s very loose and doesn't exist much in their more established communities), or a couple moon factions, but they will definitely take your money and use it to buy random Human stuff when they visit. There are tourist resorts on Mars designed for Humans and run by communities/collectives, which have grown more popular as Directors have become more established online and more interspecies friendships are developing. Naturally, these people wanna visit. Conveniently, there are also tourist resorts for Directors on Earth where those communities go and spend all of that otherwise useless money. The two keep one another in operation and know it full well. One final note on the image, the spaceliners of the NSL are often modeled with similar color schemes to old ocean liners where possible. This is a gimmick that people actually seem to like. Funnily enough, the voyage times are quite similar too.

The ships that go to Mars/Fourth Home especially are designed to be comfortable interspecies spaces where both Directors and Humans can live in their own versions of luxury while engaging with one another's various cultures and ways of life. Many space lines do this. 

Though, there are some things that make the North Star Line especially unique.

An example of this, a species of fungus created by Directors that essentially induces lucid dreaming for lack of a better description, now has a variant that works for Humans, though it is very illegal in many Human countries. 

None of these laws govern neutral space. 

Additionally, due to stigma being less in much of its North American market, the NSL is the only "big three" line that officially advertises and dedicates its stock of fungus, though only to Human travelers departing out of Canada, the US, and Mexico, and Directors globally. 

In terms of luxury, size, speed, and renown, the ships shown on the poster are the 22nd century versions of the Olympic, Mauretania, etc. They can carry thousands of humans and Directors, though these numbers are often vaguely advertised as a single number of occupants to make the ships seem larger (more Directors can fit in a smaller space). The Galway however is new, for it is the first Centrifugal Force Ship (CFS) to serve as a space liner, providing the luxury of artificial gravity to its entire complement of passengers and crew when they are inside of the ship’s living quarters.

A fun fact is that these are the only Human-run ships that can truly be claimed to be able to loosely function as generation ships (along with several CNAT, JL, etc. ships) at the insistence of online demands and groups that showed up when they first arrived for test flights by the moon/Third Home. Life aboard them would be utterly miserable and it would take thousands of years, but technically they could maintain life long enough to possibly make it. 

All ships crossing over to Mars/Fourth Home must go through chaotic processes at lightships and other checkpoints. One group might have already received the passenger manifest, one might be using a different homegrown software that you don't have yet, one might not request one, etc. Director staff are critical for these, as even trained, experienced Humans can struggle to navigate them. Go through dozens of rooms full of shouting birds to make sure you aren't misidentified as an attack ship and detained or blown up, thus becoming the next Lusitania. 

Thankfully this whole process becomes more streamlined with time and expanded internet access, but not before some unfortunate misunderstandings occur. Still, this is by far the safest and most comfortable way for people to travel throughout the solar system.  

[nerdygaymormon]

A lot of rhetoric in support of anti-trans legislation to restrict gender-affirming care talks about regret and detransitioning.

Some proportion of people experience regret for any medical procedure, from chemotherapy to orthopedic surgery. Nonetheless, we don’t see a plethora of opinion pieces about the awful risks of hip replacements. It’s inevitable that some percentage of people who transition will regret it; the real question is whether the medical care is beneficial on the whole—not whether the occasional person later regrets a medical choice they made when younger.

In 2021, it was found that 13.1% of transgender people participating in the U.S. Transgender Survey reported detransitioning at some point in their lives.

The authors of this study are careful to note “these experiences did not necessarily reflect regret regarding past gender affirmation.” Family and societal pressure are the driving forces that lead many people to detransition – not because people wake up and decide they're not actually trans. All those who took part in the survey still identified as trans, thus it's presumed that the detransitioning was temporary.

Transitioning and detransitioning is complex. You can stop taking hormones and still be trans. You can regret taking steps that alienate you from your family, even as you wish your family would accept you living how you want to live. You can even regret some aspects of a treatment (any kind of medical treatment) while being grateful for the knowledge you gained by trying it out.

Detransitioning doesn't equal regret. Regret doesn’t always mean that people wish they hadn’t transitioned, it just means that there are some parts of the story that they long to change.

What’s clear from this evidence is that the vast majority of people do not experience regret, however defined, after transitioning genders. The rate of regret is still better than other treatments which don’t require national debates over their use, which really begs the question of why the health decisions of this group gets so much attention, and why so many people weigh in even though they have no medical or psychological training and aren't directly involved the treatment of transgender people.

————————————————————

The study included a sample of the responses of the reasons by those who detransitioned at some point in their life. I think they are insightful.

External factors

 Caregiving reasons “I was caring for my 80+ year old mother who had severe dementia, and it was just too confusing for her.”

 Difficult to blend in as identified gender “I don't pass, even after FFS [facial feminization surgery] etc.”

 Financial reasons “Unable to afford HRT [hormone replacement therapy]”

 Lack of support “Lack of trans community at the time” “Back in 1997, virtually no one had heard of queergender people. I couldn't find a support system, and I couldn't figure out how to tell people what I was.”

 Legal reasons “Social services legal pressure regarding child custody” “Forced to by going to federal prison for two years” “Family court order—part of custody award”

 Medical reasons “Blood clotting from estrogen” “Pain in binding large chest”

 Fertility reasons “We decided to have kids so [I] went back to testosterone long enough to bank sperm so we can do IVF [in vitro fertilization].”

 Pressure from a medical health professional “Parents took me to a region with hostile doctors.” “Medical supervisor at federal facility removed regional-approved treatment because I didn't fit his idea of ‘a gay man so gay [he] wants to be a woman so it's easier to sleep with men’ after I had identified as lesbian to him.”

 Pressure from a mental health professional “Mental health professional told me I am not transgender and thought I was just crazy.” “In those days you couldn't be diagnosed trans if you were also gay or lesbian.”

 Pressure from a parent “Moved home after college. Had to conform for parents.” “I was facing being pulled out of school by my family.”

 Pressure from the community or societal stigma “With the high level of transphobia that exist[s], life gets very lonely.” “I live in a very conservative place and was afraid for my safety.”

 Pressure from my employer “There are times when my current job requires me to present [as] female.”

 I had trouble getting a job “I flip flopped genders because of needed employment.”

 Military-related reasons “Military forced me to detransition while in service.”

 Pressure from friends or roommates “Staying with people I knew would harass me”

 Pressure from unspecified or nonparent family members “Visiting conservative extended family for the holidays” “I temporarily detransition during visits with my in laws.”

 Pressure from religion or a religious counselor “Religious pressure (Mormon)” “Pressure from religion”

 Pressure from school “School staff harassed and abused me daily for my gender expression.” “Exclusion by Peers in School, No Mechanism for Getting Preferred Name on School Rosters”

 Pressure from a spouse or partner “I began to really clearly identify as transgender … but I realized it was pushing my marriage apart. At the time, I decided to try living as my assigned gender and set these feelings aside, but they kept cropping back up.”

 Wanting to find a spouse or partner “My partner of 4 years and I split up and I felt that I would always be alone as a trans person.” “Difficult to find lovers, dates”

 Sexual or physical assault “Traumatized by corrective rape so recloseted” “I have become frightened of the police since being sexually molested by an officer.”

 Sports-related reasons “Playing competitive sports”

 Travel or relocation “North Dakota is not a friendly place for anyone outside the gender binary. When I go back home, I butch up.” “I was studying abroad in a country hostile to LGBTQ* people (Russia).”

 Unable to access gender-affirming hormones “Living in rural area, couldn't get hormones” “I lost access to HRT and stopped passing.”

Internal factors

 Psychological reasons “Wasn't emotionally ready, I was scared of my identity.” “Transition had to be put on hold due to mental health issues.” “suicide attempt”

 Uncertainty or doubt around gender “Unsure of my exact gender identity” “Thought I might have been wrong/confused”

 Fluctuations in identity or desire “My gender feels complicated and changing all the time.” “I enjoy having the ability to go back and forth between genders.”

Note: internal factors can be the result of external factors (e.g., self-doubt regarding one's gender identity in response to being persistently misgendered or rejected).

[sharklovingaquarist]

Lets talk about the "birth rate crisis" (another long one 😝)

Well, I mean, I really don't know how to word it any other way... It's bullshit. It's a poorly thought-out, POORLY HIDDEN male breeding fetish shoved into the facade of "science" (as are most things). It has never been about babies. I took environmental science (to preface I had a republican teacher so I'm not great at it, yay Florida education) and the birth rate being the focus of concern with the label "wellbeing of our country and population" slapped on it is so funny. The actual population is determined with birth rates as a singular component... it also includes DEATH RATE. This idea that population equals birth rate (or like that's the component that's lacking) when the medical system all over the world neglects female health is the most brainwashed shit I've ever heard in my life. In Florida, the 4th ammendment on the ballot talked about late term abortion decreasing population as if thats not a case where the woman is dying. Its like if I was really concerned over the rate of conception, it doesnt equal population. If it was REALLY ABOUT the population, it would consider the rates at which females die in childbirth, infant mortality, and many more factors in wellbeing... especially male caused factors.... even in environmental science, we were taught that "fertility rates" were how many children FEMALES were producing. It makes no sense, human reproductive strategy calls for a male and a female to raise their child together. It calls for monogamy. So why aren't we including men? "Well, not all mothers have the father involved." I'm glad you mentioned that. So along with all this about women producing children, how come you never hear about men? At what rate do men cause mortality within reproduction (because as far as I know, the people who swear it's about human wellbeing never wanna look into male health. Why is female health only important when a man could cause death to another human who isnt himself)? Paternal/spousal abuse? Male fertility? Male involvement? They think human reproduction is the same as domestic cats! Males wander the street, mating with any female they find... so obviously, it's a female issue! Have you ever noticed how it's only MEN throwing a tantrum over birth rates?! BECAUSE IT IS A POORLY DISGUISED HATRED AND FETISH WITH THE WORD SCIENCE WRITTEN ON IT. Males in nature are the ones seen as production, the tools females use. The human males of our species decided to completely flip that. Sure, females may carry out the aftermath of the situation, but who caused it to happen in the first place? Both parents!!! If our culture was a matriarchy where men were treated like shit and controlled for their reproductive value, you'd see a decrease in male production. If we controlled ever little bit about males including drinking, eating, exercise, because we only saw them as sperm donors and made this huge fuss about a decrease in male quality, you'd see a decrease too. When you have a monogamous animal, the male and female rules don't differ. Both processes are meaningless alone for population, they only contribute. One sex makes up for another.

But nah, liberal men and conservative men alike will chalk up the decline to "uhhhh expense of living uhhhhhh." Because trust me every time a liberal misogynistic male brings it up and I come with the "actually it's an issue of misogyny, " he'll try to discredit me with some dumbass shit. "Actually no my wife doesn't wanna be my broodmare bc uh economy :(" It really shows how men are men are men, none of them are good. But liberal man may treat you like a glorified AKC poodle not a factory farm sow! WOW! Not to mention if this was really about population than we'd care more about homeless kids, immigrant children, foster care kids, much more. It's never been about kids it's always been about controlling women and a male obsession with turning his previous higher-up into his stock. Period. An idea that he caused indirect pain to a woman with "his" child rather than his wife provided her strength. Our perception is the biggest culprit of this situation, a perception made by years of lazy male manipulation that I'm surprised even worked

Even mortality and economy considered, where we are most deficient in acknowledgment is culture. How are females treated with reproductive status? How does their life change? How does their mental health change? How do men fail women? That statement covers it all. Because as someone who has animal experience, animals that are supposed to raise young with the other parent will abandon or kill the young when the other parent isn't sufficient. Nature will always prioritize an adult life over an infant. Kindly, men did this to themselves. You force women into a corner, and once they are in that corner, you beat down on us with all your might, blaming us for being there. None of it is innate. All of it is made up. And that is why men always bring up female education within population. Because once women start to see through this breeder shit they'll treat themselves right, they'll realize how much of a shit show it is, how much men use the word science against them.

Sorry if this was at all redundant and nonsensical. Hopefully, this can inspire more to think. And thank you very much if you read this far. My warning to younger feminists would be to brace yourself for the incoming dehumanization adulthood has in store. Growing into an adult woman is just being turned into a factory for a mans baby collection, a factory he gets the credit with operating.

[doberbutts]

one thing to make clear is that from what ive seen people aren't saying transmascs are claiming transmisogyny doesnt exist, but kind of the opposite? as in, transmascs are trying to co-opt specific experiences transfems go through when they dont have that same lived experience, and thus cant offer as meaningful insight. this is basically the crux of the whole tme/tma discourse, though i think it'd be easily resolved if we were just allowed to have our own language to talk about our experiences

Oh there's absolutely people saying we think transmisogyny doesn't exist literally right now in the tag.

But you're also right that there's also people saying that somehow by discussing our problems, we're somehow stealing from trans fem discussions about theirs.

I don't really follow the logic of this to be perfectly honest. I think there is very little that trans fems experience that doesn't either have an equivalent experience for trans mascs or that trans mascs don't experience something also terrible in its stead, just like I think that of the other way around: there's very little that trans mascs experience that trans fems don't have an equivalent or equally terrible experience for. I think that is the nature of us both being affected by the specific intersection of transphobia and misogyny, just gendered in specific ways to hurt us as individuals.

Pretty much any post I've seen on this matter has made a lot of assumptions one way or the other that completely ignore the lived reality of both trans mascs and trans fems, and it's very frustrating to try and engage with this problem because it feels more like people dedicated to screaming at each other than anything really particularly productive.

I also think it is impossible to be exempt from oppression. Not being the target doesn't mean the bullet can't hit you if the shooter can't aim for shit.

And it's genuinely WEIRD to me that trans mascs are talking about suicide and rape statistics, medical gatekeeping, rejection from social groups upon coming out, politicians making laws targeting their ability to transition, erasure and also weaponization of trans pregnancy, resources for the most vulnerable of us requiring detransition at minimum for entry if we're allowed in at all, the rates of violence from domestic partners and family members, struggles with male beauty standards and eating disorders... all stuff stemming from transphobic cishet society and the patriarchy... and somehow we're stealing from trans fems or blaming trans fems for the shit that 99% of the time is lived experience coming from being targeted by fucking cis people in the first place.

Like, how is me talking about getting beaten up while being called a tranny and a heshe and getting pantsed and groped to "prove" my status as a girl due to being incredibly GNC and also intersex prior to figuring out that I'm trans co-opting anything from anyone? I'm talking about something that happened *to me*. It wasn't trans women who sent me home with bruises and scars every day, it was my shitty cishet classmates and their shitty cishet older siblings in an ultra-conservative environment. I don't think trans fems are at fault for what happened to me at all? I just don't like to be told that I'm "victimized myself" by talking about my very real trauma as a kid by someone who isn't even a trans fem claiming to be defending trans fems on my posts about it.

[velvetvexations]

It doesn't happen that often anyway, and people who focus on transfems getting attacked over transmasc issues are just entirely misplacing their energy in dealing with the subject on multiple levels. But they'll probably say "ah, so you admit it does happen!" which I've never denied in the first place.

Cringe digs it's heels in.

Yes, trans women's voices are important in those discussions. Of course they are. I never said or implied their complaints were "unfair" or unwarranted. My problem lies where trans women's voices become front, end and center of a discussion that was started and is lead by trans people who can get pregnant and menstruate who aren't women (not always willingly, often enough, they get pushed there by cis "allies"). This is a transphobic strategy and shows quite well how transmisogynistic hypervisibility and transandrophobic erasure go hand in hand to harm as many people as possible: menstruating trans people (esp. trans men) started this conversation to have their medical needs met and fight for their rights, transphobes saw them and didn't want them to get those rights. But because you can't ridiculize and fearmonger about people who do menstruate and can get pregnant, they turned around and made up "delusional trans women who think they menstruate/can get pregnant and make a ridicule of Real Women(TM)" [which is incredibly transmisogynistic, of course, and also massively intersexist] instead. That was done deliberately, out of mallice, not out of ignorance. Yes, there are a bunch of ignorant transphobes who just follow suit, but I've seen plenty of TERFs make fun of trans men dying from medical neglect who talk about how important neutral language is, to then publicly turn around and act like it's trans women having these conversations, to delegitimize these concerns and act like it's all made up and ridiculous and unnecessary. Yes, we should talk about the harrasment of trans women that leads to. But they shouldn't be all this conversation is about. All sides are equally important, and it becomes a big problem when the already erased side becomes even more pushed aside by their own community and their allies. I've seen multiple trans women come online and publicly say shit like "I'm a trans woman and I don't need gender-neutral language. I know I'm a woman even if I don't menstruate or get pregnant"; and then they were so surprised when it was pointed out to them that this conversation was about trans people who aren't women who can get pregnant and who have or had a menstruation, and that they fell for a transphobic psyop that is used to ridiculize and delegitimize very real and dangerous concerns of other trans people. (And those are not radfems! They often have otherwise very good opinions and takes, but so many people lack knowledge of transmasc erasure that they're literally inclined to rather believe and listen to transphobes than trans men. That is an incredibly normalized behaviour, and it shouldn't be!) Like, I just think this conversation shouldn't be about making fun of transphobes for "believing we [trans people] think trans women could menstruate (some of them do!) or get pregnant (some of them can!)" instead of the trans people literally dying right now with usually entirely and often easily treatable problems because of transphobic medical neglect*. (*That affects all trans people of course. All people with vaginas, whether they were born with them or got them surgically, and no matter how they identify and what stands in their legal documents, need gynecological care, all people with penises need andrological care, again, no matter if they were born with them or got them through surgery, and no matter how they identify. All pregnant people and people who want to get pregnant need access to pre-natal and natal and post-natal care, and access to abortion if necessary, etc.) That is all. And thank you, Velvet, for listening and understanding my POV. I hope you have a good day/night/whenever you read this <3

I appreciate your comments. <3

The defense is literally "it was just a joke, transandrobro."

It's gross, but what truly bothers me more is the misgendering allegations fleshengine also reblogged. Like, "TERF who calls trans women rapists" is obviously bullshit, but my rabidly transmisogynistic followers and friends would care quite a lot if I was misgendering someone intentionally for any reason, even when that person is being ridiculously awful to them and stalking someone for being more than vaguely in favor of them having rights.

Like. I did actually accidentally use a "she" when I meant to say "it" in that first image but that's not even the complaint it's making. No, the complaint is that I'm misgendering it while I'm clearly quoting someone else multiple times, which it should be well aware of since it left a comment on the OP's post. It is impossible to read that and get the idea I'm referring to it in that section.

So frustrating.

Meanwhile:

And now this vaguely misgendering idiot.

Bless you anon.

[genderkoolaid]

An upcoming main cast character in a story I'm working on is a multigender boygirl, and I'd really like to (as with all my writing) make sure my characterisations and writing reflect and represent real experiences as much as possible. I've also started asking other multigender folks so I can get an even better pulse on it than just my own experiences and knowledge, so - the question.

What sort of internal experiences would you like to see expressed in the writing of multigender characters, especially boygirls?

Thank you so much for asking!!!

Some general things I'd enjoy seeingI

In general, I'd love to see the different ways people conceive of their genders. There are so many labels, now and and throughout time- I like boygirl, but also manwoman and androgyne. Some people used to use "bisexual" as a description of gender. And multigender people often have such diverse ways of seeing their genders & the way their genders interact. If one of someone's genders technically aligns with their AGAB, some might feel partially cis and some might see that gender as equally trans. I think it would be lovely to see multigender characters who are really deep and complex and feel like a full person, and also have their genders considered a meaningful part of them.

Multigender sexuality, if it makes sense to incorporate it into the story. It's something that gets very heavily policed (and I personally have had to deal with the trauma of having mine policed) and I'd love to see some represention of what it's like to have multiple sexualities/labels. There's also the complicated topic of relationships, and how multigender people interact with those. There's concerns of your partner/s being comfortable with your genders, and being respectful of them. A couple people on that other post made the good point that multigender people aren't depicted as desirable partners. At least some of us worry if we could ever be desirable, because we fear our multigenderedness makes us too complicated and strange for people to actually consider as partners. & on a less sad note, there's also how different people describe their relationships; spouse? wifesband? boygirlfriend?

Atypical medical transitions! There's still not enough awareness of how genderqueer transitions can look. I, personally, would enjoy seeing a character who is also multigender and salmacian, (although salmacians can be any gender), especially because it's so rarely heard of by people outside of porn. But you could also use stuff like different ways of doing HRT, like SERMs & other stuff (can't be fucked to find links rn but if anyone wants to add atypical HRT methods go ahead)

The daily ins-and-outs of presentation, pronouns, and names. I'm someone who changes their presentation pretty regularly, who sometimes prefers different pronouns, and generally prefers different names based on the dominant gender/s of that day. I also tend to crossdress; I dress much more femme when I'm a man and much more butch when I'm a woman, although I always stay androgynous. Some people may be gender conforming for one or all of their genders, some people may not vary their presentation at all!

Related to above: the struggle of everyday binarism. you are surrounded, especially as androgynes, by the forced choice between genders, especially male and female (just by virtues of those being the most discussed and compared). People expect you to be able to fall in one, OR maybe to fall in male, female, or neutral- but ime people generally don't think about you falling in multiple. It's an issue on things like forms that ask you to choose just one gender, or using bathrooms. It can be daunting to speak up about your experience as any gender, both because it might cause people to view you exclusively as that gender, and because you worry people will discount your experiences because you are multigender. People often don't think of us as fully any of our genders, in comparison to monogender people. You may not want to include discrimination in your story, but if you choose to I would enjoy it because I'm the kind of person who prefers stories that tackle those issues to ones where they don't exist.

Shapeshifting. I feel like it's a near universal genderfluid desire. Absolute ideal body situation tbh

If you have any other questions about multigender characters I'd be happy to answer them :)

[naraven]

Dear @xianyoon,

Hello, Operator! For your next mission, we have decided to pair you up with the following operator(s):

ENFORCER

cw // she/her pronouns, relatively fluff, excessive talk of coffee oops, use of an operators real name

It was fate, people say, that the two coffee nerd operators would eventually meet and team up.

It was a relatively simple operation. Post-debrief, fellow operators say it was Enforcer who approached and introduced himself to the operator who was chatting with a couple others in a small circle.

It went off without a hitch. There were no major fatalities, and everybody came back in high spirits. Two operators in particular were noted to be particularly excellent, before, during, and after.

The operation went well, one operator reports, but the constant talk of coffee between Operator Enforcer and Operator [Y/N] made it really hard to rest sometimes. It made me crave caffeine so much I begged them for a cup almost immediately coming back to Rhodes Island.

Bonding over coffee and the brewing process is a must! It always varied, from how much milk or espresso would be included, to certain ratios, and the million different tools used to get the best shot of espresso.

There arose an inside joke that they would speak an entire different language when it came to making coffee.

Some signs would eventually lead a couple rumors, though. From the way that, sometimes, they would always be on their transmitter device to talk to each other, and the use of each other's real names. Many would assume, quite naturally, that they were romantically involved.

When confronted, neither of them claimed anything about the rumors.

It made sense these two operators would get along. Besides being giant espresso nerds, they both enjoyed visiting the medical ward to help lighten the mood, and general soft and kind natures seemed to attract a crowd wherever they went.

They became a familiar face to all the Infected kids that awaited their visits, often swarming them when they arrived. Many other patients say they also enjoy the two's company, saying their presence eases the atmosphere of the illness ridden ward.

One most important thing that everyone notices, though, is how much brighter Operator [Y/N] looks nowadays.

"Oh, hello Doctor."

"Doctor!"

>You two are in high spirits.

"Well, we were just experimenting!" [Y/N] finishes putting up her hair, the frothing hot milk set aside two cups of nearly identical lattes. "Well, Ezell was."

"I'm trying to put my own spin on [Y/N]'s favorite latte." Enforcer takes a small sip from his mug, closing his eyes as he evaluates the taste.

"So? How is it?" She inquires, taking a small sip of her own.

"It lacks sugar, but I like the ratio a lot." He takes another sip, licking some of the froth off his lips.

"I'm glad! 30 grams of espresso and 180 grams of steamed milk, it has a nice balance to it. Doctor, would you like to try some?"

>Aren't all lattes just espresso and milk? What makes this one so special?

"Doctor..." [Y/N] mumbles in disbelief.

"Uh oh," Enforcer sheepishly laughs, "Doctor, you really shouldn't have said that."

"Doctor!" She exclaims.

>Huh?

"Listen carefully, Doctor! I'll repeat it as many times as you want!" Suddenly, a screen appears in front of her with a slide presentation already on it.

"See, look carefully! This is a cappuccino. They're mostly equal parts espresso, steamed milk, and milk foam."

>R-Right...

"Sorry, Doctor. You're on your own now." Enforcer sits down next to them, still with his latte in hand.

>You can't stop her either...?

"No, I can." He smiles, tapping the side of his mug with his fingers. "It's just, I also took offense to what you just said too. Feel free to blame only yourself for this."

>Urgh.

"Doctor! Are you even listening? Now, this is a flat white. Many people mistake this with lattes, but its important to not that this one lacks the milk foam at the top."

>What can I do to get out of this?

"Listen to the whole thing, of course."

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/728233881369739264/the-aroace-anon-makes-me-sad-and-shows-how-fucked?source=share

I apologize in advance but this ask ticked me off, so to vent I'm going to rant about it in your ask box (I think you get a lot of that lol)

I have no idea what post OP is responding to but from context I assume that a person of the aroace persuasion doesn't feel welcome in their own identity because how vocal sex positive aces are. That must really suck and I think they need to talk to ace people in real life because I'm willing to bet the only thing that are seeing is internet wank.

I really feel for them but the unfortunate reality is that when an ace person explains that they have had sex, or is having sex, had sex once enjoyed it or is in a relationship that has sex in it, allosexual (people who experience sexual attraction) immediately go and invalidate our identity. They go "Oh you've had sex so obviously you're not ace you're het or you're gay etc." That invalidation makes the sex positive portion of the ace spectrum mad. Because we are actively being told we don't fit in our label (Which ironically, is exactly what OP is doing by saying that the label wasn't made for us)

I like sex but I have no desire to have it. People don't rev my engine (I don't even do what the hell this means lol, can you tell I'm ace?) This means so I don't feel sexual attraction which is the exactly definition that OP is using for asexuality. My having to explain this and the frequency in which I have to explain this that means that I am louder than the asexuals who don't have to explain. And presto, by the nature of the internet, it means that I'm what you find when you go look for asexual representation on the internet.

I also take issue with the definition this OP has for sex repulsion. If enjoying sex as an ace person is one side of the spectrum. Not wanting and/or enjoying sex is the middle of the spectrum.

If your sex repulsed you are at the other end of the spectrum. Implying that sex repulsed people are traumatized and need therapy is a misrepresentation at best. It's just another micro label ace people use to get across their experiences. All that label implies is that you have a strong aversion to sex. That could be due to you finding sex objectively disgusting or due to past trauma. There could be a million other reason to identify as sex repulsed.

What sex repulsion does not imply is that there is something wrong with you for not wanting sex and you need to go to therapy to fix it.

It's like getting into a car crash and never wanting to drive again. There may be some impact on your lifestyle but it's not the end of the world. Having some sort of sexual trauma happen to you and never wanting sex again is a valid reaction and never getting over that is okay. It absolutely doesn't invalidate identifying as asexual.

Point in fact asexuality has always been an identity that people want to wish away with medical intervention. We say we don't feel any sexual attraction and they say you should see a doctor about that, you must be depressed. Of course there is something wrong with you if you don't want sex, everyone likes sex.

You're sex repulsed?? You should have therapy about that. This kind of medical rhetoric happens all the time because our society puts emphasis sex in relationships. A healthy sex life equals a healthy relationships which is absolutely not how it works. Thus you are defective if you don't want sex but especially if there is a reason you don't want sex.

Sex repulsed is a label real asexual people actually use to identify themselves. And OP should not judge other people for what labels they use because OP doesn't like "implications" of the word repulsed. I realise that OP is coming from a position of sympathy here and that aro/ace person absolutely should not have to use a label that they don't identity with but the reasons that OP states aren't valid.

I absolutely agree some people don't have any experience with sex and when they get it they will realise that they weren't ace after all. That doesn't invalidate thinking they were ace at the time. Sometimes a label doesn't work out long term. The amount of stories I've heard from people that used to be ace but figured out that they actually just don't like guys or girls. Or they like sex fine they just don't like the romantic part. Asexuality is frequently a stopping block for people until they find an identity that better suits them. That's just part of ace culture too.

So in summary get off my lawn OP you don't know what your talking about. Sympathizing isn't enough. Try looking up ace Mirco labels and see how many different ways there are to be ace in either direction.

--

Scroll back.

[username-not-registered]

The Blutsauger Rework

As the staple of Combat Medic, the Blutsauger often finds itself performing quite well in the hands of more aggressive Medics, even if the skill ceiling of a combat-centered Medic is quite low. Even if you are performing with this weapon optimally, the rather low DPS combined with the fact that it's a projectile weapon still makes it one of the worst weapons in the game. It may be the best syringe gun, but it's still a syringe gun. The self-healing is quite useful, but it feels like it could have a lot more potential. As it stands, it just kinda feels like you trade off a little bit of your health regeneration so you can get some burst healing against classes trying to kill you. The worst part of the weapon for me is that you aren't helping your team heal in any way, which is kind of the reason I play Medic. So, why not change the weapon to be more unique and encourage you to play Medic differently?

8 shots reloaded per second while stowed

Inspired by Theory-craft, this would be an upside applying to all Syringe Guns. This stat would exist purely to make Medic players aware of an otherwise hidden mechanic, such as Pyro's ability to heal when extinguishing teammates using the Compression Blast.

On Hit: +3 HP to yourself and nearby teammates

This functions similarly to the Blutsauger's already existing function, except for two changes. First, teammates within 450 Hammer Units and the line of sight of the enemy you hit benefit from the healing. Healed teammates contribute to your Uber build rate. Second, the healing bonus can be increased by crit boosts (4 for mini crits, 9 for full crits).

Can apply overheal

"There's three, actually." In all seriousness, I made this a separate stat because having too much text in one stat would feel kinda clunky. Also more blue text equals more dopamine. Or something. This allows you to ignore your Medi-Gun even more, and even become a viable Kritzkreig recipient as you would be able to overheal everyone around you, including yourself.

Mini-crits bleeding players

Although this upside is highly situational, unless Medic gets an unlock that allows him to make players bleed (wink wink nudge nudge), it could provide some interesting synergies. You could be a good Bleed Scout partner, letting the Scout hit some enemies with bleeding effects and then get some extra healing for both of you. I also think it just kinda helps with the Vampiric theme of life-stealing.

No Health Regeneration

Unlike a simple deduction to your health regeneration, you cannot build up life regeneration at all. This includes any benefits from the stat "+X health regenerated on wearer" (Medic doesn't currently have this stat on any weapon, but wink wink nudge nudge)