#medicated mumbles

[mumblesplash]

recently started rewatching house md for the first time since middle school and you know say what you will about queerbaiting or w/e but i genuinely do not think a confirmed romantic or sexual element would add anything meaningful to whatever house and wilson have going on

[flammableunicorn]

Do you ever draw your friends?

🌈 Yes!! I draw all of my friends whenever i can!! Here's a few doodles of some of them for you to see! 🦄 🎨 couldn't draw everyone, my paper wasn't big enough!

[they-hermes]

making first aid a wreckers fan was a genius decision. nerd reads fanfiction at work lmaoo

[pidgwin]

The treatment for a missed miscarriage, a miscarriage where the fetus has died but the body hasn’t realised, is abortion. Either through surgery or medication. 

I was told at my 12 week ultrasound that my baby had died 4 weeks before. I have dreamed of becoming a parent for my whole life. Those few weeks I was pregnant were the happiest of my life but the second I knew my baby had died, I felt like the living embodiment of death. I felt like a walking coffin, distinctly inhuman. Dirty down to my very soul.

I was desperate to get the beautiful child I had wished for so dearly out of my body. The 24 hours between my ultrasound and being given abortion medication were some of the hardest of my life. Abortion is healthcare. I cannot even imagine being forced to carry my baby for another moment. I also can’t imagine being forced to carry a fetus, which you do not wish to. To take that right away is disgusting and demonstrates how truly little these people know about the reality of reproductive healthcare. Pro choice always.

[blistering-typhoons]

"Thank you, my dear."

[lagomorphique]

i think its a fairly common trope in tf2 fic for scout to avoid smoking and sometimes alcohol as well bc he's the one member of the team who really needs to not have shitty lungs, but im afraid im a terrible 'scout tf2 smokes like hell' truther. based entirely on the fact bc he had a lighter on him in expiration date. he probably started when he was like 12 bc all his brothers did, then carried on bc he thought it looked cool and now does it to help w nerves. easily chainsmokes worse than spy on bad days. i mean it was the 60s and he has an addictive personality and unmedicated adhd. Man probly collects bad habits like tom jones memorabilia

[malwar-e]

tf2 doodles i did last night that i thought were kinda silly

[miradelletarot]

Sad brain hours are stupid

Personal post alert. Just me kinda mumbling my random sad brain thoughts into the void, and hope something make sense (or at least helps me get this shit out of my head idk).

*note: this is all over the fucking place so...sorry.* My confidence is pretty low lately. I mean, it always has been honestly. I was raised to have a low self-esteem (just like my mother, who also had self-esteem issues, and projected a lot of her shit onto me). So, I have never ever really been confident. In my marriage, I can't recall a time when my husband truly made me feel sexy/desirable (unless he wanted something from me...you know what I'm talking about). Even mentally and emotionally, I'm really not that smart. I'm not witty, or quick, or brilliant in any way, and my anxiety and depression and ADHD make shit hard enough to cope with as it is. I struggled in school. Mostly an A & B student, but I had to bust my ass for those grades. Not to mention my horrible memory...I'm lucky I know basic grade school shit. I have no illusions that there is anything remotely spectacular about me. I think that's why I love supporting and helping others. Especially with tarot. It's my way of trying to help lift people up, and make them feel good about themselves, and their prospects because *someone* needs to be in your corner (general "you"). It's just easier to give my love to others, because I'd rather use my energy to celebrate the people I care about. Lately, I am really just feeling so down about my body. More than I have in a while. I think I've ignored it for so long because I was married. He stopped putting in effort and so did I. I had no one to impress anymore. But, despite him completely letting himself go (he's well over 400lbs now, and does NOT take care of himself in the slightest,) he said he was no longer attracted to me. (this will make sense in a moment...promise).

in 2018, I had a weird ass health scare that landed me in the hospital for a week, and the nurse said I nearly died of sepsis. Her words were (and I'll never fucking forget it...) "if you had waited even until tonight to come to the ER, there's a good chance you wouldn't have made it." Drs still dunno what the fuck happened to me. Ever since that happened, my thyroid went stupid (thanks again, MOTHER...) and I gained a ton of weight. I have always been on the heavier side (180lbs when I got married 16 yrs ago. I'm 5 ft tall for context). Now, I'm 243 lbs. I was 265, but I lost a lot of that stress weight after I left my husband. So, that's certainly something.

But...I just don't see the improvement. i don't feel any better. I have such a horrible relationship with exercise, and i am working so fucking much I don't even want to even though I know I should. I hate wearing makeup b/c of how it makes my face feel, and in the Florida, soul-sucking heat? I could never. But, I still have breakouts like a fucking teenager going through puberty. and my hair? fuck. i hate it. it's a poofy, frizzy mop. ALSO...fucking hell. I have had a slight lisp since i was a kid. I worked really hard to correct it b/c i was in choir and shit and my music teacher helped me with it, but recently i find that it's a lot more prominent than it used to be, and it sticks out to me SO fucking much, and i feel so insecure about it lately.

It's time's like these when something my ex said to me before i left really sticks in my head (he apologized for saying this btw, but it doesn't make the pain go away). He said "you'll never find anyone as good as me." I really want to believe he's wrong, but sometimes? It feels like he's right. Like I'll never be pretty or thin enough to be desirable to anyone. Too much depression and anxiety. Too weird. Too vulgar. Just...Too much, and oddly not enough at the same time. Even though it's only been 6 months since I left him I am fucking lonely. I won't lie, I miss having a partner (and all that entails). I'm so afraid I'll be alone forever. If I lower my standards, I'll just get some shitty asshole again. Someone just like my ex. I'm too fucking old to date around like I'm in my 20s. I'm pushing 40. I'm either going to find the man of my dreams (the Gale of my heart, a real one lol) or I'll be forever alone.

I'm in hell...and it looks like a pixelated paradise.

[plushpyromoved]

medicbot oc!! Curiosity or Curio for short [yes I named it after the mars rover]

gained sentience after a sapper malfunctioned it now livez with the red and blu team lending a hand when needed being an assistant and friend :3

[hivepixels]

being a sollux fan is suffering cant even check his tag w/o getting ersl as the first result😭😭 pissed me off so bad i actually blocked the artist sjdjsjjsjdsj

HELPPP i wish tumblr's filter content settings actually hid posts entirely instead of leaving it behind a wall. but i will say there were two fairly recent ersl interpretations that i found pree fresh, rlly gotta clown these charas for the funs

[muzzlemouths]

SOON

[dawnbreakersgaze]

CW below the cut: bruise, talk of medical procedures, health, talk of needles

So this week I had some lab work done (routine, I get it done every 16 weeks for my autoimmune disorder) and I always have to give the blood from my hands due to a genetic abnormality where my arm veins cross too closely to my elbow tendons so they don't work for blood draws.

Normally it's not a big deal, like it hurts more than an arm stick but the needle is a lot smaller so it's not so bad. But this time. Oh my god this time 😭 my other hand isn't quiet as bad but LORD do they hurt.

Most of you already know my hands are very painful anyway due to the PsA, so when stuff like this happens I am fuuUUUuUuUked.

Anyway all this was to say that pain and I are well acquainted rn so if stuff takes me a while or everything is 100 layers deep in typos please forgive. I'm still doing my thing because not moving and not creating means more harm on my brain than anything else, but I'm just a LOT slower 🥲

[flammableunicorn]

Idk if anyone has asked you yet, but what do you think of Heavy and Medic's relationship?

They are definitely made for eachothr 🦄🌈🌈

[they-hermes]

i dont talk about the Stunticons enough i think they're very funny. i believe knock out should join their group i think want he needs in his life is a paranoid wet bag of a man for a boyfriend and the four assholes that he lives with and sometimes combine into a bigger asshole.

knock out likes menasor, menasor doesn't like knock out. he gags when ko climbs on his shoulders to peck him on the cheek to mess with the big guy

ko: noo babe me and menasor are cool totally. he likes me :)) probably because you're his leg so he naturally has affection for me

menasor: THE TINY RED ONE IS ANNOYING ME!!! GET LOST!!!!!

ko: no <333

[pidgwin]

As someone who has had a very traumatic miscarriage of a very wished for baby, I am still pro choice. I still support people who choose that for themselves. I still think people should have safe access to reproductive choices. I am sick of seeing people who have experienced miscarriage projecting their feelings onto people who are not in their shoes. Your infertility has no place in the discussion of anothers reproductive rights. Get the fuck out of the conversation.

[macadam]

I love ratchet so much sometimes I go long enough without thinking about him that I trick myself into believing I’m a normal transformers fan but then I spot a couple gifs of him a couple is all it takes and I am pulled back down into the pit of unnormal behaviour. He is everything to me you wouldn’t understand