#medical sabotage

[waywardtyrantpirate]

Tw; attempted murder, conspiracy, abuse, medical sabotage

So, in my previous post I mentioned that I am a strangulation victim. I've been thinking lately about my childhood an realized my mother may have tried to murder me earlier. In some recovered memories ì remember her talking to her bf about how I was "accidentally" overdosed when I was in the hospital when I was 4yrs old. She was it "was enough to kill a 200lb man" which I do remember being in the hospital when I was 4 but not the overdose. Idk what the medication she was talking about either.

I was sick a lot as a kid in an out of hospitals an I think she my have just gotten fed up w/ taking care of a disabled child. I think she decided to medically sabotage me an make it look like an accident.

I mean she's threatened to kill me multiple times (not in the usual way).

This w/ the whole her trying to strangle me kinda makes me think that she tried to kill me.

Anyways, does anyone have any advice on this? I mean getting help dealing w/ the mental toll of attempted being murdered 2x? By my own mother?

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

*tries to organize my thoughts*

*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*

*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*

(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next

[good-beanswrites]

If it's okay with you, could you write a drabble about the hypothetical aftermath of Amane getting attacked by Kotoko?

Welp thank you pal for making me absolutely insane with this request 👍 I ran through a few hypotheticals and realized I had to shift some things around since there were so many absolutely tragic outcomes. I worked something out but damn if it didn’t make me emotional to think about how uniquely rough Amane has it. Even making sure she's in a good place at the end, this got pretty serious, so warnings for child abuse and cult references. 

(So in canon, Kotoko goes in order and attacks Fuuta, but Kazui steps in. Then she attacks Mahiru while he’s distracted with his injuries. She’s about to attack Amane, but Mikoto gets in the way (my hc that he did it on purpose survives!). By the time they reach a draw, Kazui is back, and the two of them can prevent Kotoko from any further action against Amane. Sticking to this apparent system of three attacks and one rescue, I’m just shuffling around the injuries for this story. Fuuta’s attack went unnoticed, and he’s in the same state as canon Mahiru. Mikoto steps in before Kotoko can fight Mahiru, so Mappi’s the one who get out physically unscathed. While Mikoto checks on Mahiru, recovers himself, or discovers Fuuta, Kotoko is able to attack Amane next. Kazui comes to help, but not before she leaves Amane looking like canon Fuuta.)

Mahiru could practically feel her heart shatter into a million pieces when Amane finally cried in front of her. She hadn’t shed a single tear yesterday – it was the shock, Shidou said. Mahiru was skeptical. After all, she had been shocked, too, and cried plenty.

Amane woke as she came in with breakfast. She took a moment to survey herself, bandages peeking out from beneath her pajamas and an eyepatch securely over her right eye. As calmly as one might say “good morning,” she started to cry. Mahiru might have missed it, if Amane hadn’t wiped at her good eye with her sleeve.

“Oh, sweetheart…!” Mahiru rushed over to her. “It’s okay, I’m here.” She wanted nothing more than to wrap the girl in a secure embrace, but she remembered the mass of bandages that were around her chest. Shidou had mentioned broken ribs and bruises. It took everything in her not to cry along with Amane, at the thought.

“I can get you another ice pack, if you need. Or more medicine.” Her mind spun with ways to help with pain. Many of the first aid supplies had been used to keep Fuuta from the brink of death, but surely there were extras to spare for Amane. 

The girl just shook her head. 

She muttered, “I can’t… I…I’m going to be punished, I’m going to be punished…”

“No! You’re safe now.” Mahiru placed her hands gently on Amane’s arms. “Kotoko’s not coming back. We’re all watching over you. You’re safe. She’s not going to hurt you anymore.” 

“That’s not…” Amane pulled away. Her voice stayed level, despite hiccups interrupting her. A hand reached up to her eyepatch. “It’s this. It’s all of this. It’s sinful. I took it off last night, but he must have…” She started unwrapping it. “They’re going to punish me...” 

With a careful motion, Mahiru held it in place and took Amane’s hands into her own. She’d been picking up on the signs ever since they arrived here together, and a final wave of understanding washed over her. 

“I can’t let you do that.”

Amane’s expression twisted, though words came out far more frantic than fiery. “Let me go.” 

Mahiru didn’t. “I’m sorry. Amane, you need this treatment.”

“That is not your decision to make. That is not any human’s decision to make.”

Mahiru pressed her lips together. “I know. But I can’t watch as you… I can’t sit by again while someone…” She was careful not to apply any pressure, but she could no longer fight the urge to gather Amane up in her arms. “You don’t need to be afraid of those people, anymore.”

“I’m not afraid.” Amane hiccuped. “They love me, and I love them. I need to be good for them.”

“I love you, and I don’t want to see you in pain.”

“You just pity me because I’m young.”

“Why does your age matter? You are a lovely young woman – you are my friend – and I can’t bear to see you in pain.”

The two sat in silence for a moment. Mahiru doubted she would take that as an answer; Amane had refused to call any of the others her friend. At least she didn’t argue. In fact, it seemed she was leaning into the embrace a bit more. She sighed a shaky breath into Mahiru’s uniform.

“Listen, Amane. Can you do me a favor? I’m trying to be a good girl, too. To make up for something awful, I need to make sure you’re alright. Can you help me? Can we be good together?”

A long pause followed. Amane’s voice spoke up, ever so gently.

“I suppose I can consider it.” She added quickly, “for the sake of your redemption. Of course.”

“Of course.”

[popsicle-stick]

ohhhh my goddddd society if i could ever focus. society if i could fucking do something

[sleepyfan-blog]

Sabotage Most Foul

Author’s note: This was written for the July challenge by @au-roulette. Crossposted on AO3 here. This is for the fill Coffee Shop!

Tagged: @egrets-not-regrets @the-pure-angel @whorety-k @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan @i-am-a-dragon34

Word count: 5,762

Warnings: sabotage, blackmail, mentioned medical issues, mentioned self-image issues, nonconsensual sedation, mentioned capital punishment, banishment

Summary: When it’s reported that all of the recaf machines on the fourth deck of Maccrage’s Honor have all stopped working at once, it is suspected that they have been sabotaged. Zalthes, Battle brother of the second company of Ultramarines, has been set to the task of investigating who did it and to bring them before the Primarch and captains for justice.

"Good, you're here Zalthes." Captain Alcaeus stated, gesturing for the younger Ultramarine to come into his office. The second company captain looked bleary-eyed and seemed to be having a small amount of difficulties focusing.

Alarm shot through Zalthes as he stepped in, silently assessing his superior officer "Yes sir..." He did not catch the distinctive earthy scent of the other's morning caf, nor did he see the usual mug he almost always had either in hand or on his desk at the start of his shifts. "The message calling me here was marked urgent?"

"Yes. Twenty minutes ago it was reported that all of the recaf machines on the fourth deck are broken. At the same time. There is concern that this is a deliberate sabotage attempt. All nine of the serfs who work with the recaf machines have been brought into separate meeting rooms and are being monitored. I am charging you with the task of finding out if any of them were responsible for the damage done to the recaf machines and to bring them to justice. If you are unable to do so..." The captain winced a little, shaking his head "Given the mood that our Gene-sire is in, it's likely that he'll have all nine of them publicly servitorized."

Zalthes winced internally at that. Primarch Guilliman tended to avoid using servitorization as a public punishment due to the fears and anxieties that such punishments caused among the mortals who lived and worked upon Maccrage's Honor. But the fact that this was a potential sabotage attempt was deeply concerning. While the recaf machines weren't necessarily critical to the functioning of the ship, the fact that they had done this so brazenly meant that the saboteurs - or whoever had sent the saboteur or saboteurs were preparing to go after more critical pieces of equipment, should their agents be able to successfully evade notice and capture. "Yes sir. Have the on-board saboteur protocols been enacted?" 

They were a series of security protocols that everyone on board was to follow, should a saboteur be found or suspected to have infiltrated aboard the ship. It included but was not limited to heightened security around critical areas of the ship the use of coded phrases when entering and leaving certain areas of the ship, and an increased vigilance when it came to off-duty hours activities of all aboard the affected vessel - and if the vessel was traveling in a fleet, the entire Ultramarine fleet, as it could be assumed that where there was one saboteur there could be more. It was part of the standard training that all of those who worked and lived aboard Ultramarine vessels received once they were assigned to a specific ship. 

"It has. May you find the snake hiding in the grass quickly." Alcaeus answered, dismissing him with a flick of one hand, staring down blearily at the top dataslate on his desk. He had several huge stacks of dataslates neatly stacked on his desk. "I have just transmitted to you which conference rooms that the serfs are being held in. I suggest that you speak to each of them individually before reviewing the evidence that has been collected at the scene and by the cameras, to avoid any bias."

"Yes sir!" Zalthes answered, saluting his captain before turning on his heel and heading off to the nearest conference room. 

~

It did not take Zalthes long to arrive at one of the conference rooms where one of the possible suspects was being held. He nodded politely to the two mortals who had been posted on the outside of the door as guards and called out "Good morning, gentlemen. I have business inside to attend to." As he spoke, he signed the correct entrance gestures, and waited for the two of them to respond in kind.

Both of the guards nodded, signing the correct responses as they answered out loud "Good morning, my lord."

As was correct, the guard on the right pressed the button for the door to open and Zalthes walked into the room to find a half-asleep serf sitting on one of the chairs. They were wearing off-duty garments typical of their ranking and were slumped forwards in the seat that they had taken, arms folded on the table in front of them, face down and resting against their folded arms. Their breathing was light and even, though they'd jerked a little in response to the sound of the door opening, head shifting so that they could peer up at him through their thick and curly dark hair.

It seemed to take the serf several seconds to process that they were almost napping in front of an Ultramarine. Zalthes could tell the exact moment that they'd processed it from the sudden tensing of their body and the near-silent swearing as they hurriedly sat up properly, pushing their hair out of their face "My lord angel! My apologies for being asleep while you entered. I typically work third shift and had been woken up and brought here from my bunk and it's been difficult for me to try and fully awaken while waiting for... I wasn't told why I was brought here, as a matter of fact."

Zalthes hummed in acknowledgement, carefully looking the serf over carefully as he state "I am here to ascertain your whereabouts for the past couple of hours. A small but important issue has come up in the place where you work, and I have been chosen to figure out who is responsible."

"I've been sleeping for the past three hours sir. Before that I spent an hour eating my late-meal ration with my wife and spouse, did some tidying up of our shared room and helped our children with their assigned work, my lord. My wife and spouse can attest to the fact that we were all resting together... Err, do you need earlier than that?" The dark, curly-haired serf asked, blinking tiredly up at him. 

"I will need to speak with your spouses about your whereabouts in order to verify your words." Zalthes answers. But he could detect no hints of deception from the other. Their heartbeat and breathing were steady, their body posture showed their confusion and exhaustion, but no unaccounted for tension or distress. 

"Yes sir. If you want I can call them? They went back to sleep after I was called in, s' far as I know, sir." They offer, equal parts baffled and willing to do whatever was required of them. 

"Do so now." Zalthes orders them.

~

As he had suspected, both of Zm Tay'lish's partners had been able to confirm that zey had been where zey had said that zey had been. Footage from the connecting hallways also proved that Tay'lish had arrived home when zey had said zey had, and had not left until the Auxilla guards had come to fetch them, hours later. 

Zalthes internally marked them as unlikely to be the saboteur, and continued to where the second serf was being held. After speaking with them, he continued to talk with each of the Recaf dispensing serfs, steadily whittling down his list of potential suspects based on their reactions as well as the video evidence of who was where, when. He had narrowed down his initial list of suspects from nine to two - possibly three, as one of the serfs he had spoken to was unusually nervous, despite having a good alibi that he had been nowhere near the recaf machines in the window of time it was most likely that the recaf machines had been sabotaged. It was possible that one, two or all three of them were in on it, which was why he was going to press each of them on their accounting of what they had been doing.

He was going in to speak with the first of his suspects was a serf by the name of Remy. He had oculocutaneous albinism and was strikingly pale as a result of that. "My lord?" He called out as Zalthes entered the room again, looking wan and uncertain.

"I have found some discrepancies between what you said happened, and what actually happened according to both the ships' logs of the area and the internal cameras. You stated that you left the fourth deck recaf station at the end of your shift.This was not entirely correct, as you left ten minutes before the end of your shift, moving at a speed that was very nearly a run through the serf's corridors until you went out of sight of the cameras. Care to explain why you left early and where you were going?" Zalthes asked, staring at the baseline human, waiting for a response.

Remy swallowed and shifted uncertainly in their chair, briefly looking up at him before looking away again "Must I go into specifics?"

"Yes. You are suspected of sabotage. You either tell me what you were doing, or I bring you before the Primarch and you give Him an account of what you were doing then." Zalthes answered bluntly, allowing his eyes to narrow slightly at the mortal, waiting for their response.

Remy visibly wilted at that, hunching in on themself and swallowing. They wrap their arms around their midsection and rock back and forth a little, their heart beating rapidly as the scent of fear and shame stung his nose "I... I had a medical issue come up, just at the end of my shift. In addition to being an albino, I have a really bad intestinal issues that flareup from time to time that require medical treatment to prevent it from getting worse. I felt the flareup start at the end of my shift and had to rush off before I... I made a horrible mess all over the floor over the recaf distribution area's floor." red flooded their pale, nearly translucent cheeks and they ducked their head in shame. "If you doubt my words, I was tended to by Apothecary Listerius. He can corroborate that I was in treatment for over an hour."

Zalthes allowed the stern but neutral expression on his face to soften into something more compassionate, and his voice to gentle "Thank you for telling me the truth. Had you told me this the first time we spoke, you would have been able to leave sooner. I will vox with Apothecary Listerius to corroborate your story."

"Yes sir. I just... Its' difficult for me to speak of this... This condition of mine." Remy explained, calming down, though still unable to look at him directly in the eyes. 

Zalthes voxxed the Brother Apothecary and sent a written recounting of Serf Remy's most recent treatments, making to mark the request as an urgent one. He got an answering ping less than a minute later, and read over the summary of treatment, which included the time and date, as well as an overview of what had been done and how long the treatments took. "Brother Listerius has corroborated your story. Before I allow you to leave, I will ask you again; did you notice anything strange or unusual during your shift? Were any of the machines acting oddly before you left?"

"I... Uhm... Not really? I mean. I did notice that one of the Lord Angels was frequently visiting the recaf station. Like once every half an hour and requested another cup, but I thought that he was merely getting recaf for some of his fellow Lord Angels who may have already used up their allotment of recaf before resupply is in. That happens quite often, actually. He didn't have any specific markings or heraldry as to which of the companies he belonged to, so I assumed that he had been recently promoted from scout to full battle brother. The machines were working as intended before I left." Remy answered, frowning a little in thought. 

"Did this battle brother identify himself?" Zalthes asked, frowning a little at that. 

"I don't know, I usually work in the back, making the pastries and sandwiches that are on offer as well. My... The sight of me can be... Off-putting for many." Remy admits, shame burning their cheeks once again. "Rowan was on ident-check for first-shift."

The Ultramarine nodded "Thank you for your cooperation. I will speak with her about that. You are dismissed."

"Thank you, my lord." Remy sighs, sagging a little in the seat they were in before getting up and leaving.

Zalthes left a moment or two later, asking one of the auxilla to fetch recaf serf Rowan as he went to go speak with his second suspect. 

~

Averich fidgeted a little under Zalthes' scrutiny, but he waited to be directly addressed by the Lord Angel who was observing him. 

Zalthes cleared his throat and stated "You were the one to report that all of the recaf machines on the fourth floor were broken, correct?"

"Yes sir. As far as I know, I was the first one of the three of us who work the middle shift to arrive. None of the serfs who work the first shift were there, which was a little odd, but since Remy's the one who usually works until the close of the first shift, I wasn't terribly surprised. They've got a stomach thing that flares up sometimes that they need to take care of and-" Averich abruptly stopped speaking, shifting a little in his seat "But that's not what you're interested in, right sir? You want to know about the recaf machines. I wish I could tell you more about them, but I... I'm still in training on how to properly use those machines and learning on the different kinds of recaf that can be made, my lord. Twenty minutes before the end of first shift they're supposed to turn the recaf machines off, to allow them time to cool down and reset, since they're usually in use pretty much all the time... Sometimes the machine spirits within them get grumpy if they weren't shut down properly, or if you're off-key when singing the hymn of awakening as they're turned on, sir. It took me about half an hour to figure out that something was wrong with the machines, rather than anything I had done - or not done - in order to get them on and in proper working order. When I realized all of them were broken, I called it in."

"... I see. There are ways to discover whether or not you are newly assigned to working at the recaf station. If I find that you are hiding something or misleading me in any way..." Zalthes hummed, keeping his face a pleasantly neutral expression appearing on his face "Given the fact that there are concerns that this may have been done deliberately, the judging of any act of sabotage on Maccrage's Honor and sentencing is done by the highest ranking officer of the Imperium on the vessel. Which would be the Lord Primarch himself. Is there anything else that you'd like to tell me about your accounting of your actions during the start of your shift? Apart from the damaged recaf machines, did you notice anything out of order, something misplaced, any oddities whatsoever?" The babbling from the serf was a definite sign of anxiety, as was the fidgeting with his hands, but it didn't necessarily indicate that he was guitly of anything. Particularly if it was true that he had been recently assigned to a position where he would have regular contact with astartes and higher-ranked baseline human warriors as well. 

Averich fidgets a little again, a frown of concentration appearing on the serf's face. He closed his eyes, muttering to himself, a very similar recounting of what he had been doing since the moment he had woken up in his assigned cot. "Oh! I had been sent a message by Kai, saying that she was going to be late to shift. She didn't say why. I think I told you that last time? But it's not that I was trying to hide that if I hadn't. I just didn't remember until now, my lord..."

"Did you keep the message on your vox?" Zalthes asked. If he had deleted the message, it would be a relatively simple thing to retrieve the message, if it existed. 

"Yes? It's not like I had a reason to delete it, my lord. Would you like to check for yourself? They took everything out of my pockets when they brought me in here, lord, but one of the guards should have my vox, sir." Averich answers, seemingly earnest. 

"Very well. I will." Zalthes answers "Stay in this room for now. Your story will be checked for veracity as much as can be determined." With that he left the room to acquire the serf's vox. 

Sure enough, there was a message from someone who was at least using Serf Kai's vox stating that they would be late to their shift. Which was interesting, given what Kai had already said... Time to speak with Kai again.

~

Kai was, like the other serfs, nervous. Similar to Averich, they were fidgety. Unlike the others, there were discrepancies in the first story that they had told Zalthes and the video evidence and the eye-witness accounts of when other serfs saw them out and about the ship before and after the time-window where the sabotage had to have happened to the recaf machines. While Zalthes was keenly aware of the fact that eyewitness testimony was unreliable to the point where it was inadmissible as the only evidence for certain kinds of crime within the realm of Ultramar (though eyewitness testimony could and had damned the allegedly guilty in other areas of the Imperium). Zalthes watched as they shifted from side to side a little in their seat. 

Unlike the other serfs, Kai alternated between giving him a little too much eye contact while they had spoken to the first time, interspersed with long periods of no eye contact whatsoever. This particular serf was also hunched over, arms crossed defensively over their chest as Zalthes walked into the room again. He was holding Kai's vox in one hand and walked around the meeting room table that had been between himself and the serf. He did not stop moving until he sat down in the chair next to the serf. He very carefully set down the baseline-sized communicator on the table between himself and the serf. 

As before, his helmet was off, and he wasn't in his armor, but rather a deliberately semi-casual toga that he had changed into in order to seem more approachable and slightly less threatening during the interrogations. "Do you recognize this vox communicator?" He asked, starting off easy, gently.

"Yes sir. It's mine." Kai answered immediately, having glanced at it briefly.

"And, apart from when it was on the charging stand in your room, and when the guards outside the door took everything from your pockets, it's been on your person since you woke up for your shift today, correct?" Zalthes asked, curious as to whether or not the other was going to challenge that statement, or stand by what they had said before.

"That's correct sir." Kai answered, nodding a little. 

"Please state for the record, when your second shifts start." Zalthes encouraged, giving them a little smile of encouragement, and to hopefully get them to relax. 

"Fourteen hundred thirty, sir. We're supposed to arrive a half hour before the recaf station re-opens in order to get any cleaning or last-minute set up completed." Kai answers, again that answer was correct.

"And where were you at fourteen hundred thirty hours today?" Zalthes asked.

"I... was in bed, sir. I slept through my alarms and was just starting to wake up. I realized that I was going to be running late, so I texted Remy and Alexius that I was going to be late. I then shoved a ration bar down my throat and got dressed as fast as I could. It was about fourteen fifty when I reached the re-caf spot and found out that it was closed down, due to the investigation, sir. Or at least, about then, sir. I didn't check my chronometer for the exact time, sir." Kai answered, voice shaking just a little as they look at their vox as they speak.

"Fascinating. You do realize that lying to me, as the lead investigator on this case is a crime in and of itself, correct? And with the damage done to all of the recaf machines, this has been labeled a sabotage case. The Primarch takes a very dim view to saboteurs and traitors. Particularly ones who lie as badly as you do." Zalthes presses, leaning in closer to the mortal, grabbing their chin between his thumb and forefinger "You either tell me the truth, or I bring you before the Lord of Ultramar."

"Wh-What? I-I'm... I'm n-not-" The serf feebly started to lie.

Zalthes clicks his tongue, shaking his head a little as he tightens his grip ever so slightly on the serf's jaw. Not enough to bruise, but enough to catch their attention and to still their lying tongue "Alexius' and Remy's vox communicator were both checked for messages from you during that time period. Neither one of them received anything. A vox message from this communicator was, however, sent to Averich, the trainee, stating that you would be late... Twenty-minutes before you claim to have been awake this morning. We also have video evidence of you leaving the serf quarters fifteen minutes before your alleged wake up time. Again, I ask you for the truth. Tell me what you were doing, truly. There is absolution in confession, even though I am not a Chaplain."

"I... I... What does it matter? I am damned either way!" Kai wails, starting to sob into his hand, tears warm and wet and freely flowing down their face. 

"What do you mean by that?" Zalthes pressed, tasting the beginnings of victory. But he needed a full confession. He needed the why, not just the who. 

"I... Last time we were planetside for... For leave, I got... I got drunk with a bunch of other serfs. we were... We were talking with some of the locals, who were curious about what it was that we do. So we started talking about what it's like to serve the Angels of the imperium. M-Most of what we said was what we were supposed to, but they kept buying us more and more drinks and..." Kai looked guilty and haunted "I apparently said some things that I really shouldn't have. I don't remember saying anything like that but I was... I was approached by a very strikingly handsome, teal-eyed stranger in the morning, while I was stumbling around trying to recover from my hangover. He had recordings of me saying... Less than flattering things about my masters, and pointed out that such things could... Could get me killed or worse if it was spread around. All he said he wanted was passage to the next solar system that Maccrage's Honor was headed to, but he said that he didn't have the credits to pay for passage... He talked me into smuggling him into the serf's' quarters. That was... That was two weeks ago."

Zalthes' grip on Kai tightened, but he very deliberately did not otherwise outwardly react, despite the explosive growl threatening to escape his chest and the many, many things he'd like to say about that. But if he interrupted them, they might lose the temerity to speak, and confess everything that they had done.

Tears continued to flow freely down Kai's cheeks as they took in a deep breath and continued their confession "Apart from teasing my fellow serfs by pretending to be them somehow, and enjoying scaring the shit out of me by appearing suddenly and in unexpected locations, he didn't ask for anything else... Until two days ago. He wanted me to break the recaf machines. To see how the, and I quote Mighty Ultramarines react to not having access to their precious recaf... I didn't... It wasn't like it's that important, or so I told myself... and he threatened to turn in the recordings he had of drunk-me saying shitty things about Lord Angels if I didn't... So I spiked Remy's lunch with something I knew would set off their medical issue on a day that Rowan and Sasha both take off before the ends of their shifts because they've got to pick up their little ones from daycare. I also knew that the newbie was going to be starting the second shift and I hoped that they would assume that he accidentally fucked up the machines, rather than it... Being done... Deliberately..."

"... I see. Can you give me as exact a description of this interloper as you can, as well as where you know him to hang out? I will tell you this, you are in serious trouble. You should have informed your superior officer that someone was attempting to blackmail you, rather than buckling to his pressure. Reporting that and the description of who was pressuring you would have gone a long way in repairing your reputation that drunken foolishness may have undone... But this?" Zalthes shook his head a little. He's not sure what is going to happen to this serf, as the decision was ultimately Lord Guilliman's... But he doubted that they would be afforded much mercy. They'd shown that they could be blackmailed into disobeying safety protocols for in an attempt protect themself... and in so doing, damning themself to far more intense punishment and possible retraining. 

"He... He seems to be some kind of shapeshifter. He first approached me as a taller than average man with tanned skin, bald except for his dark eyebrows, and teal blue eyes. His voice was almost... Hypnotic as he spoke to me, and that still holds true. I... I know that I've badly fucked up and I surrender myself to judgment. He was in the recaf area during the first shift, dressed as an Ultramarine, my lord. I don't know how he got ahold of the armor..." Kai explained, tears still streaming down his face.

Teal eyes. Tall. Tanned skin. Motherless, snake-tongued bastards! "I believe I know who you were approached by, and while you will be punished for this, your obedience to him was not entirely unwarranted, as he too, is a Marine, though not one of Ultramar." Zalthes explained before putting on his helmet and sending a message directly to captain Alcaeus [The person behind the sabotage is likely to be an Alpha Legionnaire, sir. He blackmailed one of the recaf serfs into sabotaging the machines. I have the recaf serf's full confession recorded sir. What do you want me to do do?]

Zalthes kept holding the weeping serf, as the seconds stretched into one minute. Then two. The Ultramarine was starting to get concerned when his vox crackled to life... With the sound of his Gene-sire.

"Bring the serf to my office, Zalthes, along with their recorded confession. I have informed Chief Librarian Tilayious to begin scanning for the serpent trying to nest here. We will flush him out of hiding soon enough. There are only so many places he can hide." Lord Guilliman ordered him.

He snapped to attention on instinct, letting go of the serf, just barely stopping himself from saluting the superior officer who was not in the room and would not be able to see it. It took him a couple of seconds to find his tongue, not used to being directly spoken to by his primarch. It was an incredible honor; despite the unfortunate circumstances this has happened in. "Yes sir. I will be there with both within five minutes sir." With that he stood up smoothly, scooping up the serf and their vox, tucking the device in one of his pockets and tucked the serf over one shoulder, immediately setting off to his Primarch's office at a quick but not visibly hurried looking pace. 

~

It did not take long for Zalthes to arrive at his gene-sire's office with the evidence he had collected and the still-weeping serf in tow. The two Ultramarines who were guarding Father's door looked him over and he gave the correct code phrase - and they did the same - before letting him in. 

"Come in, and set the serf down Zalthes." The Lord of Ultramar instructed him.

"Yes sire." The young Ultramarine answered, promptly if carefully setting down the weeping serf onto their feet...

Only to watch as the serf crumpled on their joints, throwing themself prostrate before the Primarch, sobbing endless apologies for their fuck ups and pleas for mercy. 

Zalthes was silently taken aback at how terrified and morose the serf had become and took a small half-step away from the weeping baseline human, uncertain as to how to respond. He was, however, watching them carefully, should they attempt to suddenly do something foolish - like lunge for a chair and try to harm his gene-sire. Not that they seemed the type (nor would they be able to life the astartes and primarch-sized furniture unless they were heavily strength-augmented) to do so. 

"I did not ask you to speak." Father spoke, voice calm and face showing a devastating amount of disappointment. Zalthes could feel his soul shiver and his hearts quake, and he wasn't the one to have fucked up to the extent to have put such a look on the Lord Primarch's face. 

Zalthes couldn't blame the serf for the terrified-miserable squeak that left them at the expression and tone Lord Guilliman was using. He was pretty sure if his Lord Father looked at him like that, he'd drop dead on the spot in shame. 

The serf immediately ceased their babbling, though they stayed pressing themself belly-down onto the cold, hard metal floor of the ship. 

"Now, Zalthes, give me a report about everything you have found in the course of your investigation." Father ordered him, the expression on his face ever so slightly warmer.

Zalthes snapped to attention and nodded, promptly explaining everything he had found - and how he had sought to reconcile the discrepancies he had found, leading him to getting the confession out of the still-trembling serf before the two of them. "-that was when I informed Captain Alceaus of our stowaway sire." 

"You have done well, Zalthes. I commend you for your diligence and swift action. As for you... How many years have you served aboard this ship, serf... Kai, is it?" Father asked, blue eyes turning icy cold once again as he beheld the baseline mortal.

"Fif-fifteen years sir. I was born on Maccrage's Honor, and was raised in the communal creche. Once I was old enough to start working, they put me to work, m-my lord. This is the only home I've ever known." Kai explained, still trembling all over.

"A pity, then. That you would betray your home due to a moment's foolishness. You will be leaving Maccrage's Honor permanently, once we reach the next port. There will be a black mark on your record as a serf, though you will be allowed to take all of your personal belongings and the wages you have earned. Should you be found within Ultramar space you will be further prosecuted as a traitor and a saboteur. Do you understand?" Primarch Guilliman stated, looking down upon the serf "Until then, you will be held in the brig, as you cannot be trusted to complete your duties without potentially causing harm. If you resist arrest or attempt to escape into the serfs section of the ship, you will be found and killed."

"I... I understand, my lord. I will not resist arrest." The serf agreed miserably.

"Zalthes, take this serf to the brig and have them properly processed as a traitor to Ultramar." The Primarch ordered him.

He saluted his lord father before picking up the serf and twisting their arms behind their back, holding their wrists together in one hand. "Your will be done, my lord." Before he marched them off to holding, having to drag them when they stumbled over their feet. They had started openly weeping as soon as they left the Primarch's office, and started mumbling all sorts of nonsense, but Zalthes tuned them out. After all, they had committed the crimes, even under duress. There were certain things that one did not do, and ship-sabotage was one of them. They had their life because they had been blackmailed by a snake-tongued Astartes, of that Zalthes was fairly sure. 

The mortal did not protest when they were dragged into one of the isolation cells, nor did they protest being strip-searched for anything that could be used to get them out of the cell. Once they were safely behind bars, Zalthes bid a fond farewell to the Brothers on guard duty and headed off to tend to his usual duties, pressing up against a wall as Chief Librarian Tilayious and two terminator-armored veteran brothers dragged in a still-thrashing and cursing teal and silver painted astartes. 

"Let me go! I am performing the duties that my Primarch gave to me, you have no right to detain me!" The hydra howled, still struggling in their grip.

"You had part of our ship sabotaged, you piece of shit. I don't care if that's what your primarch told you to do, that's a fucked up thing to do. If your Primarch wants you back, he can negotiate with ours for your worthless hide. Until then you're going in the brig and you're staying there." The head librarian huffed, the blue fire of warp-craft binding the alpha legionnaire in place. 

"FUCK! YOU!" he spat, not noticing the apothecary silently making his way up behind him as he was jabbed in the jugular with a sedative. His head lolled forwards as it took effect, the fight being forcibly taken out of him. "You'll... pay... for this... All of you."

"Yeah, yeah. Bastard. We'll see about that. Strip his armor and weapons off of him. Alpha Legionnaires are difficult to keep hold of, even stark naked and chained to a wall, which he's going to be." the chief librarian ordered, sighing a little as he eased up on the psychic grip he held on the now sleeping Alpha Legionnaire. 

Zalthes made his way back to his squad lead, telling him that he had completed the task that Captain Alceaus had asked of him, before returning to his normal duties. 

[fallenwhumpee]

Empty

• Masterlist •

Warnings: Permanent injury, character death, sabotage, blood, injection, medical settings(?)

They wished that someone had prevented them from taking this mission. They wished that someone had called out how much time was to pass before even they opened their eyes. They wished that someone had cared about them enough to tell that a thousand year they were going to spend in space was a huge loss to them and their loved ones. But all of their friend has been out in space, and they had nothing left to tie them to the earth since their admiration for nature wasn't enough.

Space, unlike nature, felt empty. Despite the crew of a thousand and ten times of it as passengers, the emptiness led to a bone deep ache they couldn't name. The emptiness was comforting in a sense, with the absence of responsibilities and worries, but it was also letting the thoughts they desperately tried to bury to creep up.

Captain sighed as they realised that they were brooding yet again. This was the fifth time this month. Or the week. Their awareness of time was not very trustable.

[A familiar, comforting smile appeared on the hologram. There's a moment of silence as the person struggles to find the right words.

You've always been too gloomy, cap. Sometimes, I couldn't believe how you motivated us but failed to see something to motivate yourself. But getting the rank, I began to understand. It was never about motivation. Now I know why you sacrificed your nights and chances of raise for us. Now I understand. And I understand how... lonely this is, how lonely to stare at the deck and know all those lives look up to a word between your two lips.

The smile turns bitter.]

A cough began to bubble up in their throat again. They eyed the crew, who were doing the routine checkup before the breakfast. They couldn't just cough here, knowing that it would draw attention. They stood slowly, ignoring the stiffness, and relieved the crew from the final tasks. First Officer glared at them, probably thinking that they were being too soft.

Captain ignored the look. They just needed to be alone, and they didn't think they could make it to their room at that moment. Also, they could complete the checkup themselves, so it was pointless to keep the crew around.

The crew emptied the deck slowly, their chatter growing more faint as Captain is left alone.

[And I truly don't know how you survived without going mad. I will go mad if I go through this without talking to someone. I'm glad you offered me to call when I need... though I was surprised to hear you took another mission.

The figure chuckled, breathing in. The camera angle shifted, and revealed a drained face, smiling with a hint of sadness.

Captain coughed harshly, blood spluttering to their black uniform. When the chest pain faded, they were only glad that this wasn't the ceremonial one— the plain white one that they were supposed to wear at the landing day. They wheezed a few times as they struggled to catch their breath, leaning to the helm to keep themselves stable. They could feel their body breaking down day by day, their facade beginning to crack.

I was expecting you to retire, you know. Find a beach planet and take a vacation. If that was the situation, then you could answer me before it's too late, but perhaps it's for the best. Now, it'll take some time for you to get these messages, but knowing you'll see those is somehow soothing. Anyway, skipping my usual blabber, I...

The figure shifted uneasily, preparing themselves about what they were going to say.

I woke up before the time. It's only one week, but knowing the high tech stuff we work with, it's truly concerning...]

"When's the medicine?" They asked the computer. They cleared their voice and asked again when it didn't answer. "When is the next dose?"

"It is recommended..."

"It is recommended for a medical personnel to oversee the procedure, I know." They cut in with the irritation of hearing the same sentence for the tenth time today. "But I ordered you to shut up about it and just answer the questions."

If it was a crew member, they wouldn't use that tone unless it was a life and death situation. But with a very irritating computer, they didnt know how to restrain it.

"Your next dose of medicine is in two hours." The computer talked in its annoyingly flat tone. "The medicine can be taken in cafeteria."

"No." Captain almost snarled. They ignored this was basically arguing with a bunch of wires. "In the medbay reserved for the command crew."

"Your preference is noted."

Captain sighed. The computer was noting this every day, yet forgetting. They had tried to fix it multiple times, but because of an unknown software in the ship, some minor things like that was getting deleted from the ship's memory. They hoped no one else noticed it, at least until Captain found a way to crack the software. The technicians could look at it after that.

A sudden wave of dizziness caused them to slip. They gripped the console not to fall with a sudden panic, a whimper escaping as their chest ached with the strain. They held their hand to their nose, expecting it to begin bleeding soon. This was becoming more and more frequent ever since...

[I didn't realise it at first, but after two days, I noticed that I got tired easily. And not only me. Everyone was tiring out easily. So, I ordered a full checkup on my crew—

The figure chuckled weairly.

Don't scold me so soon, I got myself too, but I followed your footsteps and had to be dragged first... anyway, we are all damaged. The cryopods were sabotaged and... and...

Slowly, tears begun to fall from the figure's eyes. They sobbed a few times to get themselves together, but their voice was thick with emotion.

This damage is irreversible. It seems like I had the worst blow... I... I'm dying. The ship is also falling apart and I don't know if we can make it... ]

They slowly lowered themselves, breathing heavily to build their composure back. Their knees felt weak as the last medicine began to wear off. But they knew their crew expected to see them in the cafeteria. There weren't many people to cover their absence. Only fifteen of their crew was awake since they had to keep an eye on everyone.

Slowly but carefully, they pushed themselves back to their feet. They coughed again and commanded the computer to run a final checkup as they manually checked some of the instruments. They were glad that they had swallowed most of the information to run a ship alone in theory. It would be impossible to run a vast ship like that all by themselves, but with the information they had, they could at least give people some break or see their own needs.

Making sure that everything was in place and then checking after the computer, they forced themselves to walk to the cafeteria. It was a gruelling walk with their every muscle rebelling against themselves, but they kept their usual stoic look until they sat down with their tray. Unsurprisingly, their second in command slid their tray and sat right in front of them.

"You're distant."

[I'm growing distant, with the neverending suspicion of my own crew, with the neverending paranoia of alarms wailing...

The figure wiped their tears.

Sorry. I didn't intend my... farewell message to turn to a breakdown. But... someone is doing those and I can't find it. We all pay the price. And I'm coming to the only place, you, for the advice but...]

Captain ignored. It had been only a month awake. They couldn't ve held responsible for acting like this, after considering.

"Were your former crew's lying, or you just got old and grumpier with time?"

Captain didn't have the energy to deal with First Officer's suspicions. They bit from their meal slowly, not having much appetite. "Perhaps the news exaggerated, and my former crew decided not to mention that I'm not a morning person."

"There's no morning in space," First Officer chuckled.

"And there's no coffee in this ship too. Stop circling around what you want to say. I'm sure my former helmsman said that if I hadn't been so straightforward, I'd be in the command centre, not stuck in a long-distance spaceship," Captain returned.

There had been many interviews about them, and it was strange to think that many of those could be considered antiques. The people, their former crews, were either dead - a thousand year was too long even with the increased average lifespan - or in other ships, sleeping under freezing temperatures just like Captain was until a month ago. They briefly wondered if pulling away from them was the right choice, but after what they lived through... Captain didn't have the heart to make their workplace their family again. It was better to put some distance between, at least after making sure everyone was going to be fine.

Captain's attention snapped back when First Officer finally built up the courage to talk. "You're hiding something, and I don't like it."

"And what's it, since you are so perceiving?"

First Officer frowned. "You wouldn't be hiding if I knew."

"Maybe," Captain swallowed their last bite, realising that they rushed their meal to get out of this place, "there's nothing to hide, and you are just reading too much into people's behaviour."

"You are lying."

"I am not obligated to earn your—"

A sharp, stab like pain (they had been stabbed before, but this actually felt worse) cut their sentence. They coughed, covering their mouth with a tissue. They could feel it get wet and a faint smell of blood irritated their nose, so they didn't let go of the tissue. They wrinkled it into their palm after making sure there's no blood present on their face.

First Officer's expression softened. "Are you okay?"

Captain considered the change of tune for a moment. Perhaps First Officer was just searching their mouth. Coughing a few more times, they cleared their voice, purging their voice of emotions.

"Went down to the wrong way."

First Officer looked unconvinced for a moment, but Captain wasn't going to deal with it. "Well, if you are so curious about everything, you can go and check everyone's schedules and report back to me for any inconvenience you find," they said with a playful tone, standing up. Their vision blurred for a moment, but they managed not to falter.

[But perhaps advice is not the best course of action. I need you to be okay. I need you to be safe from this conspiracy.]

With quick steps, they made their way to the living quarters. Their chest was squeezing, their head beginning to throb again. Eating too fast was catching up. They doubled over after making the turn, their knees wobbling. They leaned to the wall for a moment, closing their eyes. They didn't let the dread come and dictate them again. They were going to be alright, they murmured to themselves.

They dragged their feet to the second medbay of the ship, which was not used due to numbered awake medics. "Open the cot." They gasped as they fell to the floor, the hiss of the cot coming from close. They whimpered on the cold floor, their vision darkening for a moment.

[I...I feel my end is near, my dear friend. I will call you that, after a long time under you, as your loyal first officer. My end is near, and I... I have no worries left behind other than you. Someone wants this interstellar route to fail. I'm afraid you're one of the next targets. I don't want your end to be like mine...]

"I'm afraid," Captain murmured themselves as they slowly rose to their knees, breathing heavily, "we are destined to live the same thing regardless of distance and time."

There was no room for pride as they crawled to the cot, the glass hatch closing over them.

[Scanning...]

Captain tried to calm their breaths, laying flat relieving some dizziness. They tried not to think much. They tried not to think at all. The hum of the medical equipment echoed through the small room. They clenched their jaw, fingers gripping the edge of the cot. It was a desperaye attempt to anchor themselves as the machine got louder, revealing what they already knew too well.

Captain's gaze fixated on the sterile ceiling, the rhythmic whirr of the machinery getting into their nerves.

The cold, clinical announcement pulled Captain back to the present. The holographic display flickered to life, revealing a detailed map of internal damage, highlighted in stark red. But it didn't need to be, as another coughing fit took over and Captain failed to cover their mouth, the glass painting with red almost in an instant.

[Internal damage detected. There are no available treatments, but medicine could be administered to relieve symptoms. For further instructions, please consult the medical personnel.]

"Just give the medicine." Captain gasped. A needle tied to a canal came out from the cot, piercing their skin and bumping a clear liquid into them. The pain dulled instantly, Captain growing limp. They swore, groaning as they opened the cot.

Captain took a deep breath, determined to regain composure. They wiped away the remaining traces of blood on their lips with the back of their hand, their gaze fixed on the holographic display showing the internal damage. The sterile hum of the medbay equipment seemed to echo the silence of their situation.

"Captain, the report is—" First Officer's mouth dropped open at Captain's dishevelled look. Their expression was horrified. And the swearing they used was the only word they could express the situation.

After a moment, Captain straightened up, shoulders squared, and a mask of authority settled on their face. It was a practiced facade, a shield against the vulnerability that threatened to consume them. They stood shakily, getting out of the medbay with faltering space. When they opened the door of their own room, a voice behind them called.

[ecto-stone]

[spookietrex]

One of my favorite lines from "It's kind of a funny story" by Ned Vizinni is that "Depression is a medical illness. Would you be ashamed if you had diabetes?" And yeah, cool. It would be great if doctors ACTUALLY treated it that way, you know? Any time I've been hospitalized, they treat me subhuman and basically tell me that all the things I do on a daily basis to help me survive are bad coping skills and I should feel bad about myself because I'm making things up. Like I'm so sorry that my chronic illness has decided to show and debilitate me. I didn't realize that fibromyalgia, which is ALSO a medical disease, isn't something to be ashamed of. Because literally all my doctors treat me like I'm a little whiny bitch baby who's just after drugs.

[juni-ravenhall]

if you have really bad anxiety or feel really negative a lot of the time in some way or other please get on medication

[angria]

Met with Dr W yesterday and needless to say, she is pretty concerned by the increase in suicidality. I was describing how 50 is the new 30, I'm not making it past that point. That I always knew I would end up kms at some point or another. What is the point in continuing. How I don't want to start the Viibryd because I would rather just get worse and it's not going to work anyway.

She paused after I said all that. Then asked if T has brought up inpatient or partial again. What is the point in that...plus I don't have time. She did say I need to start the Viibryd. Obviously she can't make me, but that I need to be back on an antidepressant.

I see T later. I don't know. I just don't know anymore. It always comes back this.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

what in the. see this is why it's a good thing that multiplayer videogames especially are about having fun & being yourself like what do you mean disguised spies automatically had the speed of the disguise's class & everyone's like yea if i wasn't always going for the scout disguise i'd kill myself right now. i'd be like haha can't catch Me out supposedly the extra slow or extra fast class >:) i am a harmless engineer

[vreemd]

wish there was some room in online adhd spaces for people who don't want to or can't take medication. I so often see people acting like we're just stupid or self sabotaging.

I got stimulant medication prescribed to me. I had high blood pressure at the time (and always do; I have cptsd and suspected POTS, or something else) and no one at any point explained to me that this was an actual risk. like a life or death level kind of risk. I was just told to monitor my BP. at age 25 I wasn't really sure what my BP was even supposed to be like.

so one morning, a few months into taking ritalin, I woke up with an absolute fucker of a migraine, and just feeling very weird. like my entire body was making overtime, working too fast. my heart was beating out of my chest, I was out of breath, trembling more than normal. my skin felt too small and tight to contain all my blood and my body hurt all over.

I took my BP. it was 190/240. great, I thought, that's normal, right? I wasn't 100% sure so I sent a picture of the meter to my brother in law (he is an EMT). I was completely wrong; 90/140 is normal. my numbers were both 100 points too high.

I had to go to the ER, got BP medication and had to stop the adhd meds immediately. I also had to take my prescription of benzodiazepine medication regularly to keep my BP down while the meds left my system.

I had had a hypertensive crisis. this could've been a lot worse had I not questioned my BP numbers. I could've very well had a heart attack had I taken the adhd medication again.

you might think "but you didn't have a heart attack so, crisis averted, right?" my endurance after having that hypertensive crisis had dropped to zero. I had to build my walking endurance back up. to the mailbox, a bit past it, etc. I remained out of breath for so long. I couldn't do any strenuous activity, I couldn't read out loud of talk for more than a minute without being completely out of breath. this took months, if not an entire year, to reach some kind of normalcy again.

my blood pressure, while it was always high and I have one or more conditions that make it so, has stayed higher after that than it was before. I'm on more blood pressure medication now, and on a higher dose. I didn't do anything in my life that caused high BP to begin with, and now I have to watch what I eat, have to exercise regularly and avoid caffeine, which is fun when you have chronic fatigue.

so no, I don't want medication. I'd maybe try a non-stimulant one, but that isn't very common in my country and I haven't found any doctors yet who'd be on board with trying. some people genuinely CANNOT take stimulant adhd meds, others don't want to for health or other reasons.

the fact that the entire online (and offline) experience of finding other people with adhd is just "oh I was a lazy dysfunctional POS until I started taking meth!" is so alienating. like I genuinely truly believe that there is a lot of work you can do to function easier with adhd, and I think the psychiatric system is just lazy and unwilling to try to do anything other than giving anyone and their mom a prescription for extremely heavy medication with potential deadly side effects. I don't think that's normal.

I do also think that if you do take the medication and it works for you that's great, but that's not my point here.

[snickerdoodlles]

jfc Amazon is insufferable without prime

[icharchivist]

it's funny bc every single times i'm heavily obsessed with Dragon Age Inquisition especially, something fucked up happens to my Left Hand and leave me in pain.

Back when i first played i had this eczema eating my hand up to the point i was constantly bleeding from it and was the remnant of a deadly sickness, which hadn't calmed down in the next 6 years until literally this year, but then this summer i kept having cuts on my fingers out of nowhere on my left hand and i replayed DAI with bandages on my fingers everyday, and it's not counting other type of injuries that kept happening also specifically on the left and right now for like a week now my left wrist especially is fucking me over and is in major pain and it barely hurts in general except when i do specific movement or have to rely on my hand and then it is the most piercing pain in the world

And on top of that those all came out from like. expectations put on me in some way or another and having to deal through the pain even though it makes the pain worse

"DAI is unrelatable because no one has a magic hand like the Inquisitor that gives them a lot of responsibilities even though they're in pain and could die from it" talk for yourself this has always been the biggest of mood --

[oyasumiaow]

finished rereading mxtx's novels and I knowwwww I should Expand My Danmei Horizons like I've wanted to but I'm so stuck on what to actually read first ;;

[thebreakfastgenie]

Sorry if I'm the only one but I'm literally never going to get over that time Trump sabotaged the mail.