#medical journey tw
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#sorry for all the ooc#I don’t know what to tag this but I realized why my brain is so far from focused#tomorrow is my first cardiology appointment and for the first time in over 2 decades a doctor might take me seriously#that having a resting heart rate between 96-130 might not just be meds (especially cause it was the same while I went a year without them)#or that having my heart rate get to like… 208 when doing a workout or things isn’t normal?#but also I’m scared of what I might hear or future tests they might want me to do#health tw#medical journey tw#like I might have POTS or something else but like… it’s just scary because it’s so real now#[ to be deleted ;; ]#medical tw#I’m going to go and watch torchwood#heart issues tw#heart related post#𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 (𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕣𝕒𝕧𝕖𝕝) 𝕓𝕠𝕩 ~ 𝕞𝕦𝕟 𝕤𝕡𝕖𝕒𝕜𝕤
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TW: hysterectomy, periods, and medical talk
As an update I guess, last week I cleared the next hurdle in the process of getting my hysterectomy. The good news is that I got the referral I needed to the exact trans affirming provider I want to see and I have an appointment set for a consultation in December.
The less awesome news is that I am impatient, December is still months away, and given that the appointment is right before Christmas I will almost certainly end up having the surgery some time after the New Year. Which isn't ideal for insurance purposes dammit but there's not much I can do there.
On one hand, I am nervous because this may still not work out for a bunch of potential reasons. I'm afraid of being turned away over some nonsense reason like my weight, or that the hospital system I'm going through will end gender affirming care and that will prevent me from having the surgery. And I am also nervous because I've never had surgery before, but that is absolutely not going to stop me.
On the other hand, I am delighted and I can't help but feel happy every time I think about this. I am finally so close to this working out. No more hormonal birth control, no more fear of pregnancy, no more random ass cramping reminding me of the existence of these organs it feels like I should have never had, no more breakthrough bleeding, no more nightmare hell periods ever even if I end up losing access to HRT (I intend to keep an ovary just in case of this, but everything else I want gone).
I can't even express how important this is to me. I've wanted this for years, from the moment in 9th grade health class where I first learned that removing a uterus is possible, and long before I even knew what nonbinary genders are or fully understood what gender dysphoria is.
I need this to happen.
A surprise to me, but it looks like I might even be going into this with support from my family; I wouldn't say they're as happy as I am, but I've received no negative comments or push back. No one I've told so far is surprised at all that I am doing this. My dad tells me that I was all of 10 years old the first time that I told him that I would never have children. So it's fair to say that this process has been over 22 years in the making. I think I can wait 4 or 5 more months.
#op#personal#gender affirming hysterectomy journey#childfree#genderqueer#menstruation tw#pregnancy tw#tokophobia tw#surgery tw#medical tw
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final EDS test is done, I won't get results for a while but OFC I got results via the app almost instantly which is basically; everything is normal just two points on my heart that need monitoring for regurgitation, but the cardiologist will decide if that's yearly or every five years.
One more week till physical therapy starts, I'm excited to not constantly be self injuring when I work out! Which means I'll actually be able to consistently work-out.
#my therapist pointed out since she met me I've been on a self care journey and she's right#I decided early last year I needed to care about myself and so I've been getting very belated diagnoses#I'm gonna climb my way to better health#misadventures with aes#I've lost 1/3rd of the weight I wanted to loose already and the OCD med is actually helping +therapy#tw: medical#the going is slow but it is going
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"it's just your anxiety/depression." No, and I can prove that.
At the start of my second diagnosis journey, I was well aware that my doctors would be happy to blame all my symptoms on anxiety, depression, and PTSD. so, I asked my psychiatrist to evaluate me again to confirm my symptoms are unrelated to mental health (as unrelated as they can be when your debilitating pain causes depression), and he wrote me a doctors note stating that for me.
I really highly recommend this to anyone on their diagnosis journey, even if you don't use it it's amazing to ease your medical anxiety. And if your doctor does suspect they interact, you have grounds for a psychosomatic DX/treatment, and if the treatment doesn't work you can suggest you've already tried the psychosomatic route and that you want to exhaust all diagnostic and treatment options.
Bit of a ramble, but I truly think everyone should do this!
#chronic pain#chronic illness#disability#chronically ill#cripple punk#undiagnosed disability#undiagnosed chronic illness#diagnosis journey#diagnosis#medical gaslighting#tw medical ableism#medical trauma
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Finding a good therapist can do you wonders. In my case it was hearing that my past experiences weren't my fault. My therapist helped me clear up a lot of wrong diagnoses and get the help I actually needed. Sometimes you have to shop around before finding someone that clicks, but it's definitely worth the effort. The last few months have been much easier thanks to the support I've received. It's interesting how much trauma can impact your overall health. I've noticed that since I started this journey, I no longer have any physical symptoms I used to struggle with. I've also noticed that a lot of doctors tend to mistreat their afab patients especially. You'll be having people try to diagnose you with 10 different other things before they eventually get it right. But as it turns out, and I certainly wasn't sure it ever would: it does get better. Even if it takes so so much time! You will get through this and come out okay. TLDR; I started doing far better after cutting a few assholes off, and got somewhere safe with real people, and hopefully you can do the same. If not now, eventually.
#rambling#therapy#healing journey#emotional abuse#ptsd recovery#tw medical#hope#encouragement#long post
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I lived bitch
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It’s over.
It’s finally over.
I’m free.
Had my final appointment at the cancer clinic today. It was a pelvic exam and colposcopy to make sure that I was all healed up inside after the hysterectomy and that there were no traces of any abnormalities. I’d been anxious about the appointment for WEEKS.
It wasn’t my surgeon who saw me, it was one of her associates, but she was so kind and understanding and empathetic that I felt good about it going into the procedure. The procedure itself was super un-fun given how one of the symptoms of menopause is vaginal dryness/atrophy. All the lube in the world didn’t make that speculum go in any easier and it hurt like hell, but once it was in place it was fine.
After a thorough look and feel and a LOT of anxiety on my part, the doctor pronounced me fully healed and fit to return to all activities. She said that there is no need for them to see me again, that this is it, but that if I have any concerns come up or any questions in the future or issues related to any pelvic health, to give them a call back and they’d take me back on without question.
That said, though, I never need another pelvic exam. I never need another pap test. I never need to deal with all of the menstrual bullshit again. I can bid cancer goodbye and good riddance.
It’s actually, finally over.
#cancer tag#tw cancer#tw endometrial cancer#tw gynecologic cancer#tw medical procedure#tw colposcopy#tw pelvic exam#I'm going to be crying about this for a few days#until it really sinks in#I am O V E R W H E L M E D#not in a bad way#but not quite in a good way yet either?#I'm not quite sure what I feel right now#other than the urge to take a hot shower and get the excess lube off lmao#FUCK this has been a JOURNEY
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Meds, Job Hunting And Summer Plans
Hi everybody! Apologies for the lack of updates, I’ve just been focusing on irl stuff atm, as well as adjusting to life on antidepressants. It feels like I’m truly able to think and feel and experience life without it being exhausting for my brain and while it is beautiful, it’s really taken me by surprise.
But there is some outright good news as well; I’m finally employed! Sure it’s only as a part time cleaner at a hub for local charities but nevertheless, it’s a start. And something even more incredible has happened. I’ve managed to sign up for a work experience training course with a major TV network and I’m not only going to be taking virtual masterclasses on the TV industry, but I’ll also get to be on the set (and behind the scenes) of a popular TV series! *squeee*
Because the course puts an emphasis on unscripted TV, it’ll most likely be a reality show or a talk show or some kind. I’ll have to check for an update from the admins so I can get all the details. But yeah, this could actually be my big break into the media industry! I could actually begin to build the network I need to bring my passion projects to life!
One final update: I don’t wanna jinx anything, but I’m pretty sure that by the time my 23rd birthday rolls around, my financial troubles will finally be over once and for all (at least for a good long while). As a result, if all goes to plan, I shall have the summer holiday of a lifetime. I’m already planning a couple of week-long holidays - to Canada and Glastonbury specifically - and trying to get my passport sorted out (bc I don’t actually have one atm).
Oh and I could possibly get a chest reduction surgery at some point this year so yayyyy I’m gonna pass way better 💖💖💖💖💖
All in all, things are really looking up. I think my Ramadan prayers have been answered. I’m still a little anxious about the Earn It Act but in the meantime I’m gonna try and keep writing what I love and won’t let my fears control me anymore. I can’t believe that only a month ago, I thought my life was over. But I know better now. My life is only just beginning. I think the saying “it’s darkest before the dawn” really holds up.
I’m so excited to be 23 as well 💞💞💞💞💞
Me and my boys are gonna party like rock stars 💖
#arwen speaks#life update#mental health#positive news#summer plans#career plan#transition journey#healing journey#tw medication#also I’m possibly joining the death note fandom bc i love that anime so much
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Ozempic For Weight Loss
#diets#exercise#fitness#fitness journey#health & fitness#health tips#healthcare#healthy food#healthylifestyle#i want to lose weight#need to lose more weight#weight lifting#weight#weight loss#tw weight#ozempic#weight goals#weight management#weight loss journey#keto diet#weight loss diet#diet#low cal diet#calories#fat loss#ozempic for weight loss#ozempic weight loss#ozempic medication#ozempic injection#ozempic drug
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tw. leukemia, cancer, medical & emotional side effects post
1 week on Dasatinib for chronic myeloid leukemia (in the chronic/earliest phase)
Side effects:
* nausea
* vomiting
* headaches
* migraine headaches
* skin rash like when you try to wax your legs but do a bad job and all those little red bumps come up? Yeah that, but all over my arms.
* fatigue oh my lordy I am tired
* dizziness
* muscle weakness, I guess this is part of the fatigue but just doing a bit of housework I need to rest way more, it's harder to open jars and bottles
* insomnia - probably from emotions/stress though
* anger - that I'm suppressing the heck out of because I feel->
* guilt - extreme feelings of guilt that others have it worse than me, that I get to have medicine that will save me, that others died and probably won't, guilt at not being truly grateful and positive 24/7 though I'm trying to be, I feel like being ungrateful is bad but holy moly this whole thing is a lot
* awkwardness - it's really embarrassing and socially awkward, a lot of people have started avoiding me which I understand, no one knows what to say, I don't know what to say, I'm constantly trying to reassure everyone and look after everyone else's feelings about my leukemia and paint a silver linings picture and I just feel so awkward and embarrassed about the whole thing.
* hair loss? - I've noticed more hair coming out from my head BUT that being said I do have very thick hair so it might just be normal shedding.
* itchiness - my skin is so flippin' itchy sometimes but because my willpower is like iron when I'm being stubborn about something I still haven't scratched even once
* a few weird pimple-like things on my skin that wouldn't normally be there since I'm a grown woman in my 30's I don't get pimples anymore.
* decreased appetite but increased want for comfort food
That's it for now. Just putting this up in case other CML patients find this and find it useful and to know you're not alone and yes it sucks and it's okay to acknowledge that it sucks (I'm still working on that personally)
#journal#personal#medical post#chronic myeloid leukemia#leukaemia#leukemia#cancer survivor#tw cancer#tw medical symptoms#vent post#my journey#dasatinib#medication#medication side effects#side effects
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It may still be too early to tell, but I think this new med might be working. I'm noticing how much more positive I feel in general, even when my body isn't feeling 100%. It's like my brain isn't hyperfixating on it anymore.
It's a weird (but good!) feeling when you realize you feel normal. Like, is this how I was supposed to be feeling all along?
I mean just as an example, I've lived by the ocean for years and always felt indifferent to unhappy here (I think mostly bc the move was not my choice and it happened very suddenly), but just now I was watching the sun reflect on the calm waves rolling in and it made me happy, it looked beautiful to me.
Tldr: weird but good
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Day three no sweets ✔️ Intense hunger cramps this morning, worse than yesterday, I noticed this happened last time I quit too? I swear sugar changes my entire gut ecosystem and it has to relearn how to function without a fix every hour or so. I had a tiny scoop of dark choc chips this evening but that falls under the daily rec so it shouldn't have spiked my blood sugars. Been looking at a choc mousse recipe with no sugar, v sceptical but open to trying
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CALL OF THE SEA / PART FOUR
pirate poly!141 x f!reader tw: NSFW, MDNI, violence, kidnapping, angst, blood, 141 are still mean pirates ): kind of, very brief mentions of death masterlist
When a group of unhinged pirates invade your small village, you're whisked away from your peaceful home and thrown on to a voyage out at sea. Forced to obtain a new role as their medic, you have no choice but to accept your fate as you join their forces and aid them in their treacherous travels.
There were no ifs, ands, or buts about sleeping arrangements. Price, the Captain that he was, would have it his way, and his way was keeping you secured in the stuffiness of his own quarters.
It was uncomfortable, the way you shared the bed with him. He was a large man, much larger than you, and his bed only had so much space to fit the two of you. In the midst of the nights, you’d feel his leg brush against yours, or feel the soft rumble of his quiet snores from where he laid beside you.
It was far from ideal. As much as you hated it, it was an upgrade from your cell down in the brig. Price’s bed was softer, more plush, and it sank you in every time you slept on it. The situation was no better, but it wasn’t any worse, either.
The downside, though, was that you were just as much a prisoner as you were in the cell. Price made it known that you weren’t to leave his quarters under any circumstance.
They brought you meals in rotations. Sometimes Soap would show, cracking a horrible joke that left you rolling your eyes. Or sometimes it’d be Gaz, who hardly spared you a word of conversation, though you could see the faint glimpse of pity in his eye.
Then there was Ghost. A pure enigma, darkened by shadowy demons that were hidden beneath his mask. He never uttered a word to you, nor looked at you. He did his bidding by slapping down a bowl of poorly made stew and immediately making his exit before you could get a single word in.
Price wouldn’t bring you your meals, though you convinced yourself it was because he was avoiding you. You thought his original plan of having you sleep in his quarters would be for something diabolical and sinful, yet he made no effort to touch you nor get to know you. It was nice, knowing he wasn’t there to do things against your will, but it was also confusing, wondering what his real plan was for you.
It was as if sleeping with a wall, which you weren’t sure whether to be grateful or not. These men were far from people you wanted to be a part of, but the desire for a friend was beginning to outweigh your spite.
You were an outcast aboard this ship. Secluded from the world, and isolated from the only people you were surrounded by. It was a dreadfully lonely life to be living. Your only friend was the sea, and even that was something you were torn away from, locked away in the quarters with only a small window to offer a view of it.
The door of Price’s quarters barged open, disrupting you from your woe. None of them ever bothered to knock. They were savages, bred with no proper manners in the presence of a woman. But really, you weren’t a woman to them. You were labor. An inconvenience.
“Get up,” Ghost grumbled from his stand in the doorway, hand knuckling the rusty knob. “Goin’ shoppin’.”
“We’re on land?” you asked, standing from Price’s cot. Ghost grunted in response. “And I’m to… join you?”
“You need supplies, don’t you?” he gruffed, eyes narrowing in on you. “Don’t make me change my mind.”
The door abruptly slammed shut, leaving you alone in the quarters once again.
Land? They were allowing you to join them on their journey to land, to aid you in getting supplies necessary to work as a proper medic? It seemed surreal, yet bittersweet.
Gaining new supplies set your position on their crew in stone. They intended to keep you as theirs, and only trusted you enough to let you get off of the ship under their watch.
Yet, you’d be able to feel the grass between your toes once again. To feel the summer sun soaking in your skin, to hear the chatter of villagers fill your ears. You’d feel the liveliness of people apart from these heartless, savage pirates.
You’d be able to escape.
If you remained clever, you could leave the hands of Captain Price and create a new life far from their ship. This was your one and only opportunity to venture towards the life you always wanted for yourself.
You appeared as neutral as ever when you left the quarters to join the four men where they stood, clearly speaking amongst each other. You couldn’t show the rushing adrenaline coursing through you, not if you wanted to get away alive.
“Ach, there ye are, dove,” Soap huffed in annoyance, grabbing hold of your bicep to surge you towards him. You collided with his side, knocking the air out of your lungs. “Yer with me.”
“Stick with Soap,” Price ordered. His glare sent chills down your spine. “You are to get what you need under his watch. Try anythin’ funny and he won’t be so kind with you.”
“She’s fine, Cap, no need to worry. She won’t do anythin’ silly. Ain’t that right, dove?” Soap beamed, a touch of crazy leering down at you.
The plan in your head was beginning to feel too soon and too dangerous. You could only swallow nervously, giving a firm nod in return before they helped guide you off of the ship.
The town was lively around you. It was nothing like your home. Where you had grown with the quiet chirps of nature and gentle conversation, you were now greeted with an angry bustle of rushing townsfolk, brushing past you as if you were a ghost.
You felt out of touch with your surroundings. Others were dressed in fresh fabrics, altered to their frame. The women were pretty, hair unmatted and braided to frame their lovely faces while the men were covered from head to toe with the finest of coats.
Not all were as fortunate. There were a select few you caught glimpses of as you passed who were as dirty as you were, shoeless and hopeless. Begging for scraps of food or cheap coins, only to be spat on like the scum of the Earth.
You were no different. Next to Soap, you looked like a helpless, little mouse with dirty bags of fabric that fell loosely on your body, with your feet blackened from the lack of cover. It was utterly humiliating.
Soap kept a solid grip on your arm as he led you through the heaps of shoppers. He kept his eyes forward, scoping out any possible threat. You could see the hardwired focus geared in his brain, as if working on pure muscle memory.
“Pretty neat of a place, aye?” Soap asked, attempting small talk. He glanced over at you, wearing that boyish grin of his.
“It’s wonderful,” you replied, taking in the sights.
You meant it. Shops lined every corner of the dirt paths, windows displaying pretty dresses or tailored suits. Where you expected the town to look depressing, you found color, filling you with a warm dose of serenity.
This was a town you could grow to love. It was busy and loud, but the opportunity seeped out through every corner, calling your name. Your freedom rang out like a bell, offering you a place for your dreams to come true.
You had to escape if you truly wanted it. Your plan would have to unfold, even if it meant being patient.
“Yer bound to see a whole lot more towns better than this one, dove,” Soap boasted, grinning with pride. “Ye will grow to accept us one day.”
You stared up at Soap while the two of you walked. It was a shame, really, that he was the only one decently kind to you. Kind was far too generous of a word to describe any of these men, but it was the closest thing to what Soap was being towards you.
He was still a pirate, though.
“I am not so sure of that,” you confessed, unsure of why you did.
“Ach, ye will. The rest are secretly a bunch of softies,” he claimed, waving a dismissive hand. “We’re still human even if we’re pirates.”
“You’ve kidnapped me,” you stated.
“Mm. Yes.”
“You burned down my home,” you continued.
“Perhaps.”
“You killed my people,” you finished.
“You know nothin’ of what we do, dove. How about we keep shoppin’ for ye and stop worryin’ about the past?” Soap asked, not unkindly. He was surprisingly composed despite your accusations.
You stared at him for a moment longer before looking away. There was no point in arguing when the plan was to escape the moment you had the chance. Today would be the last day you’d ever have to converse with Soap and his men, if you played your cards right.
“You’re right,” you said quietly. “I apologize.”
“There ye go, dove.” Soap returned to smiling, giving a mocking pinch to your grimy cheek. “Now, what all do ye need?”
Soap made escape increasingly difficult. His hand remained secure around your arm for every shop you went in, keeping you by his side. It was as if he had a secret sense that let him know of your plans. Or perhaps he was following Price’s orders.
He stuck with you with every purchase. You gathered herbs, freshly made medicines, and a new book and quill to jot down notes in a journal. Soap allowed you the pleasure of collecting expensive items, unwavered by the prices.
He paid for them in gold, little round coins he’d slap on to the counter and leave behind without waiting for the shop tenant to gawk at such a rare sight of payment.
It wasn’t until you passed a clothing shop did he falter. His steps had stopped, eyes peering into the window. You stopped with him, dissecting his reaction.
“Sorry, dove. Makin’ a stop for myself,” he stated, tugging you into the shop. To your surprise, he let go of your arm, leaving you standing near the entrance. “Stay put. I’m trustin’ ye, so don’t make me regret it, aye?”
Your heart pounded in your chest as you gave him a nod. He threw you a beaming smile before stalking off into the store, disappearing just out of sight. You remained firm in place, hands clasping in front of you.
The pit in your stomach twisted from the nerves that wracked you. This was your moment, your only chance of escape. If you didn’t take it now, you may never be lucky enough for another one.
As if fate was sealing itself, your eyes caught sight of a group of guards walking past the store, wooden rifles at the ready on their shoulders. They were speaking amongst themselves, oblivious to your inner turmoil from where you stood in the entrance of the shop.
A quick glance behind you showed that Soap was still occupied, unbeknownst to your plan. You could only see the top of his head, the messy mohawk sticking out like a sore thumb.
With the opportunity in front of you, you took it.
You moved slowly at first. Unsure, cautious. But once you made it out of the shop with Soap realizing, you amped your speed. Your dirty bare feet clambered clumsily along the dusty streets, digging into the little pebbles that littered them.
The dull sting of pain as you sprinted to the guards was disregarded. It was nothing compared to the ache of freedom you desired.
“Hello!” you shouted, garnering their attention. They turned, eyeing you with a judgmental glint at the state of you. “Please, I need help!”
“What can we do for you?” one of the guards asked, suspicious. His eyes were set on your feet, which were caked with months of filth. “A lass like you shouldn’t be out without a chaperone.”
“You don’t understand,” you gasped, catching your breath from the anxiety that rattled you like a drum. “I’ve been kidnapped by— by pirates and I’ve only just escaped. Please, I need your help, or they will take me back.”
“Pirates?” The guards perked up, glancing between one another as if sharing a secret you were unaware of. “How many pirates, lass?”
“Four,” you explained. “The Captain— his name is John Price. He is the one that took me from my village and I have been imprisoned on his ship for so long, I do not recall the days. Will you help me?”
You were frantic. Desperate. It showed in the way your voice shook, the way your frame shivered with nerves.
“It is not,” Guard Two said to his companion.
“It is,” Guard One said, the one who had spoken to you first. This time, they spoke to one another rather than to you, as if you were invisible. “There is only one Captain Price. It is 141.”
Guard Two looked over at you, face set firm. His eyes were piercing and cold, and it made you shrink down into yourself. They were not welcoming or kind like you expected a guard’s to be.
Guard One fumbled in the pocket of his britches before pulling out an aged paper. On it were the faces of the pirates with the exception of Ghost, covered by his signature mask. All of them were plastered on the page with a bounty over their heads, as well as a promise of exile for their arrest.
Execution. The pirates would be executed publicly if they were caught. The punishment was inked in bold letters beneath their pictures, and each letter was taunting you with the blood that would be spilled on your hands for turning them in.
An unsettling guilt began to gnaw at you. You were unsure of why. Captain Price and his crew had stolen you from your home and made you their medic. They had you sleeping in a cell for nights uncounted, eating slop out of a bowl like a dog.
Yet, to kill them was much too burdening on you. They were mean, heartless, and unworthy. Yet, death was unkind. You were not so shallow.
“Is this what they look like?” Guard One asked, holding the paper in front of you. It was undoubtedly them, down to every detail.
“Yes,” you confirmed, though not as confidently as before. There was now a weight in your tone, as if holding back. “Yes, that’s them. You— you will kill them once you find them?”
Guard Two laughed, though it was bone chilling. There wasn’t a hint of warmth in it, only distaste and rage. “Of course. They’re to be hanged for their crimes. They are savages.”
He took a step closer to you, leaning down to your level. His aura was threatening, and you could feel yourself cowering away. “You must tell us where they are at once. We will help you once we have captured them.”
You took a step back, deflating. Everything within you told you that you made a mistake. If you went through with exposing their whereabouts and having them captured, their deaths would be because of you. You would be a murderer.
“I—“ You swallowed, clenching your clammy hands into nervous fists. “I do not know where they’ve gone. I ran away as soon as I could.”
“Not a problem,” Guard One gruffed, taking hold of your arm, just as Soap had done before. Now, more than ever, a part of you wished it was Soap rather than the guard. “You will guide us to their ship.”
“Please let go of me,” you murmured brokenly, covering the guard’s hand with your own to pry his fingers off. They didn’t budge. “Please.”
Your pleas were shadowed by their greed. You recognized the look in their eyes, and it scared you to the bone.
Bloodthirst. They were hungry to capture the pirates, hungry to be the ones to guide them to their impending death. It was not about helping you. It was about the handsome reward they would receive for turning in the most wanted criminals of the sea.
You began to panic. The air in your lungs felt weak, and you could feel the world around you closing in.
This was not the outcome you wanted. You simply wanted your freedom, yet it would come with a cost that you weren’t sure you could afford.
You did the only thing you could think of doing. Your fist collided with the guard’s face with a nasty crunch, causing blood to spew from his nose like a spout. It speckled on your dirty cheeks, tainting them further.
The guard let out a shout, releasing your arm. When his companion attempted to make a grab for you, you bolted, legs carrying you back to the shop Soap had been left in.
Chaos ensued from behind you. You could hear the clamber of guards, racing after you, yelling profanities in the air. The townsfolk stopped to observe, women placing their hands over their mouths in bewilderment, men torn between watching or intervening.
It was a commotion you never planned on starting, and now, all eyes were on you.
Soap came into sight from in front of the store. He looked focused and angry, eyebrows pulled together, jaw set taut. When he locked in on you as well as the guards behind you, there was no relief. His eyes were as intense as the guards had been, if not more.
“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” you sobbed pathetically, but he gave you no chance to pause your running.
Soap grabbed your hand in his, lugging you along the dirt paths. He swerved the streets, pulling your arm harder every time you fell behind. You struggled to keep up, spots of blood dotting the ground beneath you from the newly open wounds from pebbles that sliced open the soles of your feet.
You were pulled into a narrow alleyway with Soap, out of sight from the guards. Soap’s large hand shoved your head, urging you to crouch down behind a row of barrels that crowded the alley.
Your heart was nearly lurching out of your chest from your hiding space. Pounding footsteps raced past the alley, a cloud of dust filling the air and burning your nose. Voices could be heard shouting nearby, but not close enough for you to make out what they were saying.
Soap and you stayed put, his hand muffling your mouth, body smothering yours. He held his breath, ears listening in for the guards.
After what felt like an eternity, the footsteps grew farther away, voices fading into the wind.
“I trusted ye to stay put, dove,” Soap whispered, voice full of anger and betrayal. “I’ve been nice to ye. Why couldn’t ye just stay like I told ye?”
You whimpered into his hand, low and depressing. You felt defeated. Your fate was undetermined more than ever before, and you feared what the pirates would truly do to you now that you went against their word.
“C’mon,” he huffed, letting go of you and standing from behind the barrels. He grabbed hold of your arm, hauling you up and keeping you in his grip.
Soap crept the two of you through the town, slipping through every crack in the buildings to remain unseen. If people saw you, they remained silent, fearful of the pirate amidst their town.
The closer the two of you got to the ship, the more your heart sunk to your stomach. You were wracked with terror, horrified of the punishment you’d endure. The only thing you could do is let Soap string you along like a puppy on a leash.
“We need to go,” Soap barked at Price. The other men had long returned from their shopping, only awaiting your arrival with Soap. “Now.”
Gaz fluttered away without question, preparing to undock the ship and leave no trail in the town behind. Price and Ghost, on the other hand, were far more concerned.
“What the hell happened?” Ghost asked, voice gruff and dark, eyes narrowed on you.
“Dove tried rattin’ us out,” Soap hissed, throwing a glare your way. You shrunk in his hold, avoiding his eyes and bowing your head low. “Guards are lookin’ high and low. They know we’re here.”
“Fuckin’ hell,” Ghost grunted, leaving the three of you to aid Gaz in prepping the ship for sail. He walked with a looming shadow over him, black and scary, oozing out the mist of pure acrimony.
Price stood tall and terrifying, arms crossed over his chest, the lines of his face firm and tight. He stared at you with a guise of disappointment and resentment, and if looks could kill, you would surely be one of their many victims.
The Captain took a step towards you, leaning down to your height. His hand grabbed hold of your face, fingers digging into your flesh as he forced you to look at him. His eyes were glaring, stabbing you with millions of daggers.
He shifted your head from side to side, inspecting the specks of blood that dotted your face. He was silent, making everything much more unnerving, and when he let go of you, he spared you not another glance.
“Take her to the cell,” Price ordered Soap. “We’ll deal with it later.”
Soap nodded grimly, tugging your arm aggressively so he could guide you to the brig doors. The sight of them made you sick, and you fought in his hold, which did nothing but make you look like a fool.
“Stop squirmin’,” he hissed, irritated. Seeing him without his signature smile made your chest fill with sickening guilt, and it twisted your insides in a painful knot.
The cell welcomed you when you stepped down familiar stairs. It was a slap in the face, seeing it once again, and you wanted nothing more than to take back everything you’d done and apologize to Price until he let you back into the comfort of his quarters.
But there was no going back. The deed was done. This was your price for freedom, and before it was handed to you, it had been snatched right out of your hands.
Soap shoved you into the cell with enough force to ensure you went inside, but gentle enough to make sure you didn’t topple over. Even now, when you’d betrayed his trust, he didn’t aim to hurt you. The pill was suffocating to swallow.
The cell shutting behind you rattled through your ears like a deafening shriek. The lock clicked, and Soap made no effort to move, not yet. Instead, he stood there, eyes boring into you through the bars of your cage.
You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out. So, you stood shamefully, staring at the floor beneath your aching feet.
Something clattered on the floor, and when you shifted your gaze to find it, what stared back at you was a pair of shoes. New, unworn, and pretty. For you.
Looking up at Soap, his expression was unreadable. He no longer looked at you. He seemed just ashamed as you did. It was as if all the anger he had before had diminished, and he now looked like a hurt boy, betrayed and ridiculed.
“I hope they fit,” he said quietly. While you stared at him, he was now the one avoiding looking at you. “Didn’t know what ye liked.”
Soap turned on his heel, trudging up the stairs with the weight of the world on his shoulders. He made no effort to look back at you, to study your stunned expression. Instead, what greeted you was his back as it filtered through the brig doors, shutting behind him with a loud slam.
You looked back at the shoes, careful when you picked them up. They were bland in taste, yet the prettiest thing you’d been gifted in your life.
Soap trusted you to stay while he went to surprise you with a new pair of shoes, and you had only gone behind his back out of fear of his pirate crew that had taken you from your home.
You felt no better than a pirate.
#call of duty#cod#cod x reader#simon riley x reader#gaz x reader#soap x reader#price x reader#kyle gaz garrick#simon riley#john soap mactavish#john price#captain john price#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#soap mactavish#soap cod#kyle garrick#kyle garrick x reader#gaz cod#john price x reader#pirate!141#poly 141 x reader#poly 141#141 x reader
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party monster || fred weasley
SMUT. MINORS DNI. 18+. TW: partying, drug usage (cocaine guys), fred’s ooc sorry not sorry, paranoia, etc. just overall v mature themes. OBVIOUSLY DO NOT DO COCAINE. this has a lot of plot ;)
Fred Weasley was never one to turn down an invitation to a party. Especially not one from Mattheo Riddle, to a Slytherin party.
Fred had felt like he had seen it all. He had watched the Hufflepuffs get giggly over champagne, Gryffindors try muggle grass for the first time, and Ravenclaws make tame mixed drinks that sent their minds into oblivion.
Slytherin’s on the other hand, went as hard as Fred liked. Of course muggle grass and alcohol was provided. The usual sex addicts were on the prowl for someone new to warm their bed. But what Fred enjoyed about the Slytherins the most, was their lack of fear to try muggle substances.
The most recent substance the most fearless had been trying was cocaine.
George refused to attend Slytherin parties, frowning upon the houses entirety. Truthfully Fred used to be the same way, until Mattheo offered him his first joint. The dark lords son had introduced him to an entire new world of highs, ones that Fred couldn’t find anywhere else.
For the past year the core Slytherins had been trying different pills, ones Theodore had been smuggling from a muggle born Hufflepuff who was naive enough to think they were being used for medical purposes. Fred had been to enough of these parties to where no one questioned his presence. If anything, he was often greeted and offered a cigarette at the very least.
It was highly unusual for other houses to venture into the Slytherins events, old superstitions still highly believed in. Fred would’ve been the same way, if it weren’t for Mattheo. It was an unlikely friendship, one no one could understand. Not George, Not Draco, no one. The ginger scanned the room, excited to find his friend. Word on the street about cocaine being smuggled into Hogwarts was spreading like wildfire. Fred knew he had to be one of the first ones to try it.
Strolling up confidently to the couch Mattheo always sat, the ginger waved. One of Penelope Clearwaters friends sat in Mattheo’s lap, her blue uniform making her stick out like a sore thumb. Mattheo grinned at the sight of Fred, gently pushing the girl away from sucking more hickies onto his neck. “Why don’t you go take a few shots with Pansy and i’ll meet you over there in a second?” He suggested. The girl glanced at Fred, taking the hint and starting her journey of finding Pansy.
Theodore Nott sat on the other side of the couch, a cigarette loosely hanging from his lips. “My favorite Gryffindor, welcome to another rager,” Mattheo chuckled, gesturing to the party that was occurring around them. Fred took a seat beside the brunette, greeting Theodore as well. “So Riddle, what do you have for me? You know I love to try whatever new hits the market,” Fred asked. Mattheo reached into his pocket, holding up a small plastic baggy of white powder.
Fred’s eyebrows furrowed with confusion. Previously he was under the impression that all muggle party substances were in the form of small pills. “That looks like it’s going to taste like shit,” Fred pointed out. A genuine chuckle escaped Mattheo’s lips as he grabbed a small metal tray. “Thats because it does, you don’t swallow it, you snort it,” He explained. Fred watched curiously as he poured the powder onto the tray. He reached into his pocket, pulling out his wand.
Mattheo used the tip to slice it into three tiny lines, the small amount only furthering his curiosity. “How many milligrams is that per line?” Fred asked, trying to get a better grasp on the drug in front of him. Once Mattheo made sure the lines looked even, he set his wand aside. “Doesnt work like that. Nott, wanna lead by example?” He asked, gesturing the tray to him.
Theodore didn’t seem to hesitate at all, his nose hovering over one of the lines and inhaling it without a second thought. His lack of hesitance made Fred more confident. “Alright alright let me see what all of this hype is about,” The ginger interjected. Fred was determined to ‘one up’ Theo, the potions master always a bit too cocky for his liking. (Even if he thoroughly enjoyed spending hangovers with him.)
Fred mimicked Theo’s actions, holding one side of his nose as he inhaled the first line. Flames seem to spread through his nostril, the ginger deciding to ignore it and to snort the other line as well. Sharp pain washed over Fred’s senses, the feeling of the powder sliding down the back of his throat making him cough. “Look at that! Atta boy,” Mattheo said encouragingly, patting Fred on the back. As the brunette took a cigarette out of the box Theo gestured to him, he gestured to the party.
“Let’s get out there, shall we?”
Fred had never felt more talkative in his life. From Pansy, to Blaise, to Slytherins he didn’t know, he could not stop talking. Sober, Fred was a very social person. But he knew when to let the conversation fizzle out. But as of right now? That concept didn’t exist. He felt utterly invincible, as if the world itself existed around him for his pleasure and his only. His throat had gone numb, unable to feel the shots he downed repeatedly.
As he was talking to Blaise about his latest prank, his eyes briefly flickered to you. You were mesmerizing, a girl he had never seen before. Fred ensured to keep track of girls in his year, knowing which ones were taken and what not. But you looked to be the same age as him and he had never seen you a day in his life. You stood by the alcohol table, pouring raw tequila down your throat. Without excusing himself Fred left, abandoning his conversation with a way too drunk Blaise.
Fred knew he had to meet you, something about you calling to him. Even as you downed the liquor your hips swayed to the music, your curves intriguing Fred even more. The ginger didn’t feel one ounce of nervousness, the coke having imbedded in his mind. “Hey there, mind if I have a swig?” Fred asked. Your eyes widened at the sight of him, before handing him the bottle. “Thanks,” He said, taking a drink. Fred’s throat was completely numb, the firey liquid not affecting him at all.
He handed the bottle back to you, giving you a sly grin. Your lips were painted a dark red, your beautiful eyes accompanied by flattering dark makeup. The kind Fred could only imagine a Slytherin could pull off. “You have something right here,” You replied, pointing to your upper lip. In a sudden movement you stepped forward, wiping the very top of Fred’s lip. You held up your thumb, the faintest sprinkle of white powder coating the pad of your thumb.
“Thanks, been a wild night. When new muggle stuff comes in it’s always exciting to try it,” Fred said, unscathed by your action. If anything he was into it, thrilled that you were so touchy. “It always is, isn’t it?” You say, taking another swig of the bottle. Fred couldn’t help but grin, thrilled that a girl as hot as you understood his enthusiasm. It was difficult finding another student so adventurous, yet here you stood.
A girl behind you waved at Fred, a friend of Pansy’s. Fred waved back, making a mental note to talk to her later. “So, a lion playing with snakes?” You ask, creating conversation. He hadn’t realized he had just been standing there, his eyes flickering in every direction. Soaking in the party, the music, you, the lights, Pansy’s friend-
“I’m a good friend of Riddle’s, great isn’t he?” Fred said. He gestured to the brunette who was currently dancing on top of a table, his tie loose and hanging around his shoulders. A cigarette hung on his lips, his hips occupied by grinding on the Hufflepuff in front of him. You nodded in agreement, shrugging. After tonight Fred made another mental note to ask Mattheo about you. You were awfully quiet for a Slytherin.
“A real charmer, that’s for sure,” You replied, your words laced with sarcasm. Your eyes flickered to Fred, shooting him a playful smile. “As are you. I see where he learns it from,” You continue, biting your lower lip. Flattery was the gingers weakness, a cocky smile creeping across his lips. “Hey, you wanna get out of here? My dorms gonna be empty. Roommates crashing with one of the boys,” You ask, pointing to the dungeons. Fred knew about the girls rooms being in the dungeons all too well, his visits down there frequent.
“Sure, lead the way little witch,” Fred purred. You grabbed his large hand, your skin cold to the touch. You led him through the hot swaying bodies, your hand gripping his his. As you both approached the staircase to go down further Fred looked over his shoulder, his eyes landing on Mattheo. The brunettes eyebrows were furrowed as he watched him, mouthing a clear question: ‘you good?’
Fred smiled and nodded, shooting him a thumbs up as he followed you down the dungeons. If there was anything Fred knew about Slytherins, without stereotyping them too much, was that they cared about appearances. They kept precise upkeep about their looks, (maybe not including Mattheo), that it teetered towards an unhealthy amount. In Fred’s opinion anyway. He didn’t have to deal with strict parents with pureblood ideologies, so he didn’t feel like he had room to judge.
As you led him further down the staircase he noticed several mirrors in between portraits, for students to use while heading up to the common room. Fred’s focus mainly was on himself, noticing how large his pupils were. You both reached towards the end of the staircase, Fred’s eyes still focused on the mirror. For a split second he squinted, noticing he didn’t see you. His hand was being held in mid air, your fingers not entangled around his palm like he saw before him.
Questioning was on the tip of his tongue, your abrupt words cutting him off. “My dorm is further down and I need you, now,” You say urgently, palming at Fred’s shirt. His eyes flickered to yours, unsure. “Did you see that? You weren’t in the reflection,” Fred asked, completely ignoring your statement. You raised an eyebrow, gesturing to the girls bathroom on the right side of the hall. “You’re paranoid, do you want to fuck or not?” You asked.
Fred shook his head, trying to rationalize with himself. He had a hot witch standing in front of him and he was about to fuck up a one night stand because of some muggle drug. “Absolutely,” Fred agreed, allowing you to lead him into the bathroom. Admittedly this was one place Fred hadn’t been, his knowledge of the room little to none. He was surprised that a velvet green couch sat almost in the center of the room. Would that have been his style choice? Absolutely not. Do witches tend to take their time in the restrooms gossiping? Fred believed so.
Your lips were on him before he could process it, his back hitting the couch. You tasted like raw alcohol, his tastebuds flooded with the sensation as you got on top of him. Fred was typically dominant, but he never minded a Slytherin topping him. You were so confident, tugging your shirt over your heard before reattaching your lips to his. Your touch made Fred want to immediately submit, his cock growing harder by the minute as you straddled him.
“Hard already? Naughty naughty gryffindor,” You teased, biting his bottom lip. Fred groaned, his hands flying to your waist. He guided you to grind against him, his cock growing achingly hard. You kissed down the side of his face to his neck, sucking at his sweet spot. Fred squeezed your thighs, whimpering as your lips littered his skin with marks. You kissed down his clothed chest, all the way down to his aching cock.
You teasingly kissed his hard on, maintaining eye contact as you did so. The ginger bucked his hips towards, throwing his head back as you unbuckled his belt. “If you want me to suck your cock you’re going to have to beg Freddie,” You say, unbuttoning his jeans. Spews of pleas left his lips faster than he would like to admit, “Fuck, please, touch me, please.”
A brief concern of how you knew his name crossed his mind, the worry fading as you shoved his boxers and jeans down his thighs. Fred was decently known, maybe you had known him for an infamous prank or-
His spinning thoughts came to a screeching halt as you took him into your mouth. Fred couldn’t control his noises, you taking control of him and his pleasure one of the hottest things he had ever seen. As you bobbed your head up and down on his cock, Fred chopped up his previous mental ramble to paranoia. Most likely he was coming down from his high, his body adjusting his mind back to normal.
Fred didn’t even know your name, but the moans he was making made it sound like he did. He was pure putty at your hands, willingly and merciless at your disposal. His tip brushed against the back of your throat, expectancy of the sound of gagging ensuing. Except it didn’t. Fred looked down at you in awe, your eyes meeting his. You didn’t have a gag reflex? What kind of magic was this?
He roughly grabbed the back of your head, pushing you down further onto his cock. You took his length with ease, saliva pooling to the base of his shaft. “Merlin, you’re a goddess right? Sent to me from above?” Fred panted, his mind trying to wrap around you. You pulled off of his cock, his hands not affecting your movement. He thought he had applied a decent amount of pressure, even if it was involuntary. What were you? Were you some kind of-
“Maybe, maybe you’re just my personal pet. My babies get the best treatment you know,” You purred. The ginger had no idea what you were rambling about, but what he did know, was that he wanted you to fuck him. “Ride me, fuck, please ride me,” He whined. Most girls would’ve asked for foreplay, head, or something along those lines. But you didn’t ask for either, instead lifting up your skirt and shoving your panties to the side. You guided his tip up and down your drenched folds, the feeling of your warm slick enough to make Fred groan.
He couldn’t understand why he felt so sensitive, his body on cloud nine just from your simple touch. You sank down onto his cock with ease, your walls clenching around him. Fred threw his head back, unable to formulate coherent words as you began to ride him. You seemed unfazed by his size, riding him like you had been doing so for years. Fred was not only unable to speak, but completely and utterly speechless.
You didn’t seem real, his unrealistic expectations for a hookup playing out in front of him. You leaned forward, one hand placed on his throat while the other tugged at his hair. “You like that huh? Feel good Freddie?” You asked. Fred groaned an agreement, his cock brushing against your g spot with every roll of your hips. Most witches would tire out by now, opting to switch positions. Yet you didn’t, your body not seeming to tire as you squeezed at the sides of his throat.
“So good, Merlin, you’re going to be the death of me,” Fred moaned as you licked up the side of his neck. He felt his orgasm approaching, the ginger flustered by the feeling. Was it the coke that was going to make him bust quick? Or was it how well you were riding him? His eyes wondered over your shoulder, landing on a large full length mirror. The presence of the mirror wasn’t surprising, but what was, was your absence. You weren’t present in the reflection, Fred’s head beginning to spin.
“Uh, you’re not in the m-mirror, I-” Fred stuttered, his high approaching faster than he wanted it to. He wanted to go all night with you, but why weren’t you showing up in the mirror? You sat up, your breast bouncing as you continued to ride him.
“You’re being paranoid Freddie, now why don’t you go ahead and cum for me?”
Fred’s hips stuttered as he came inside of your cunt, his head rolling back onto the couch. His ears were ringing, any sounds of you or the party dulling out into nothingness. He began seeing stars, his vision fading out completely. His senses had seemed to given up, Fred’s body unable to sustain itself, passing out.
\/
Fred had woken up a lot of strange places after a party. Most times he woke up beside a witch whose name he didn’t know. Other times he would wake up in random places, one time including the whomping willow. (To this day, no one has any idea how he survived OR got a good nights sleep.) Where Fred had never been woken up before, was in the male Slytherin dorms. Nor, had he ever been violently shaken awake by someone. Faintly he could hear a familiar voice calling out to him, but the words were incoherent.
“Fred! Wake the fuck up!”
He jolted awake, his heart pounding out of his chest as he sat up. Scattered,he looked around, unaware of where he was. His eyes landed on Mattheo and Draco, both of which seemed extremely concerned. “W-what..?” Fred stumbled out. His head was pounding with a rager headache, his body felt drained and spent. “Pansy found you uh-” Draco began, before shooting Mattheo a look that he should speak instead. Mattheo sighed, handing Fred a glass of water.
“She found you in the girls bathroom passed out with your pants pulled down and you uh, came all over yourself,” Mattheo informed him. Fred could feel himself turning red, clutching the water in his hand. His eyes widened in disbelief, becoming dizzy again as he rested his hand on his forehead to keep himself propped up.
“Do you have any idea how you ended up like that dude?” Mattheo asked, keeping his voice even. Bags hung under his eyes, his knee bouncing anxiously. It was rare Fred ever saw Mattheo sober, but he could definitely tell he was. You raced through the gingers mind, embarrassment flooding over him. You weren’t real? None of it was real?
A knock on the door alerted the trio, the Slytherins eyes landing on the new comer. “Well shit I see the party monsters awake,” Theodore said, waltzing in. His confidence made Fred uneasy, his stomach churning. “Do you happen to remember what happened last night?” He asked him, his voice breaking. Theo nodded, taking a seat. “Why don’t you drink some water and i’ll tell you all about it?”
Theo didn’t know Fred well by any means. Sometimes he questioned what Mattheo saw in the ginger, the prankster a bit too full of himself. It was a coincidence he saw him by the alcohol table, talking to himself. At first Theo assumed he was yelling to someone, or even on a muggle phone a lot of Gryffinors used. Cautiously Theo rounded the table, raising his eyebrows as Fred offered the bottle of tequila he had been cuddling to the air in front of him.
The brunette couldn’t believe his eyes, watching dumbfounded as Astoria Greengrass gave him a wave. Briefly his eyes flickered upwards at the Slytherin, before returning to the void in front of him. With a confused expression Theo decided it was none of his business, returning back to Mattheo with new drinks in hand. He figured he was just high, anyways. Unknowingly Mattheo had recommended Fred to Astoria, who was looking for a quick hook up to help her get over her ex.
A dumbfounded Astoria had beat Theo to Mattheo, her lips moving a mile a minute. She was weirded out by Fred’s behavior, the ginger confirmed to be talking to the air. Mattheo’s eyes flickered upwards, watching as Fred was heading towards the stairs. His hand was held out in front of him, a goofy smile spread across his lips. He made eye contact with Mattheo, who managed to communicate through all the noise and ask if he was good.
Fred seemed more than good, excitedly nodding and heading down to the dungeons. It wasn’t until the next morning Pansy came running, trying to get the boys to help her carry Fred before anyone saw him.
As the group sat in Mattheo’s room you watched from the shadows, invisible to everyone around you. You had died from a cocaine overdose in 1970, the curse of your afterlife being that no one could see you. The only time anyone did, was when they had done the drug themselves. You didn’t quite understand the logistics of it, other ghost able to see you, but no being with a beating heart could.
You had been shocked Fred had seen you at the alcohol table, after being used to being unseen for so long. As cocky and mischievous as you knew Fred to be from watching, you liked him. So much so that you knew scaring the ever loving fuck out of him was going to be the only way he would never touch the horrid stuff again. Party monsters like Fred, often times danced on the line between life and death. Their bodies, from what you could understand, would be into overdrive. That crossover allowed him to see you.
You thoroughly enjoyed fucking Fred, even if the ginger now regretted it. And as much as you wished you could see him again, you knew he deserved a better chance at life. “Bloody hell, i’m never touching that stuff again,” Fred groaned, cupping his pounding head. You smiled at his confession, walking up to Draco’s side. You stood beside him, the blonde unaware of your presence. Your mission was complete, Fred would be on a better path now. You smiled to yourself, watching as the ginger lifted his head.
His eyes widened, centered on you.
“What the actual fuck are you doing here?!”
He can see you?
a/n: can yall tell im into plot twist rn? lol. might do a part two if yall want it >:)
#fred weasley x y/n#fred weasley x you#fred weasley x reader#fred weasley smut#fred weasley x oc#fred weasley#fred weasly x reader#fred weasely x y/n#weasley twins smut#george weasley#weasley twins#weasley twin#george wealsey x reader#george weasly x reader#george wealsey imagine#harry potter#harry potter smut
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SVT when you have fertility issues
Requested? Yes!
Request: ‘Could you do Seventeen with a partner who wants children but doesn't want to or can't get pregnant from typical means? Love your writing 💞’
TW/CW: pregnancy discussions, mentions of difficulty conceiving, mentions of miscarriages
A/N: I think the reactions might vary depending if you don’t want to or can’t have a child by typical means, so this reaction addresses if you can’t. I can write a separate reaction for the ‘don’t want to’ side as well one day.
Would love to be a dad and doesn’t care much how it happens - Seungcheol, Hoshi, DK, Mingyu, Chan
I really get the feeling these guys would love to be dads one day (or now maybe!). Ultimately, even if you have fertility issues, I think the important thing to him is that you want to be a parent too and you guys align on that goal. He’s an active participant in your fertility journey to try to make it happen. Medications, freezing your eggs, IVF, surrogacy - it doesn’t make a difference to him. Whatever works best for you. And if none of those work, which happens for a lot of women, he’s not married to the idea that it has to be his biologically. Adoption is totally up for discussion. (I think it would be for all of them who want to be parents.)
Would love to be a dad, but would accept if you don’t want to pursue treatment options - Joshua, Jun, Woozi, Seungkwan
I think they’d really like to be dads if it works out and would completely back you up in any treatment decision. He’s just as active of a participant as the first group (they all are really), but he recognizes how defeated you get when something doesn’t work out. So he has long conversations with you after a letdown to let you know that this does not make or break anything for him. It’s okay if you decide to take a break from treatments or stop altogether. He’ll back you up on that too because it doesn’t make your lives together any less full.
Would love to be a dad, but not at the expense of your health - Jeonghan, Wonwoo, Minghao, Vernon
Would he love to be a dad? I think so. But if it risks your health in any way, in his mind the negatives might outweigh the positives. There are a lot of negative side effects to fertility medications that wreak havoc on your body. IVF and similar treatments can make you feel sicker than actual pregnancy might. You feel so let down when a treatment doesn’t work, despite the sacrifice to your personal health that you make to do it. And the potential losses… It’s not worth the physical, mental, and emotional toll that it would take on you and at some point, he’ll encourage you to take care of yourself instead.
#seventeen#svt#seventeen x reader#svt x reader#seventeen reactions#svt reactions#seungcheol#jeonghan#joshua#jun#hoshi#wonwoo#woozi#dk#mingyu#minghao#seungkwan#vernon#dino#tw pregnancy#tw fertility issues#tw miscarriage
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Thermodynamics and Turmoil (Curly x Reader pt. 1)
Hello! I'm putting out my very first piece ever and I'm so excited to feed the masses as much Mouthwashing content as they deserve :) This game has a lot of sensitive topics to it and as such I'll try my best to bring them up as appropriately as possible. The story is gonna start off slow and elaborative because I love all of the Tulpar crew so much (except for Jollof rice, Jimneva convention) and they all have such interesting personalities that I couldn't help but to explore their wants and aspirations. This story will feature an alternative ending to the game because I cannot stomach sad things they make me very sad </3
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engineer! reader x curly TW: a bad word or two, I think word count ~ 1.9K
Curly was back in the medical bay for his routine psychological evaluation with Anya. With all of the questions answered and out of the way, the both of them were just chatting before he had to go back to the cockpit and finish up his duties for the afternoon.
“You’re all good to go, Captain. Seems like there isn’t much change from your answers like last time, as usual.” Anya let out a tired sigh.
“That should be a good thing, given we’ve already been on this trip for almost two months now. We should all be used to the routine around here at this point. Has everybody else been adjusting alright?” Curly stood up from his chair, Anya following suit as they moved towards the door.
“For the most part, everyone’s been well but I wish they would open up or take the assessment seriously. I mean, at least Daisuke has been making my job a little easier – he just talks and talks.” she mused. Curly gave a little chuckle in response, thinking about the last-minute intern that the Pony Express decided to add on board to their journey. He wasn’t exactly the most helpful – at least according to Swansea – but he brought an air of lightheartedness that they all needed in a cut-corners, shitty working environment like the Tulpar. “Oh, actually, have you seen (Y/N) lately?”
Curly thought for a moment. Along with Daisuke, (Y/N) was another late addition to the crew. The Tulpar has started showing its age and as such, there were increasingly consistent problems with the water pipes, life support, and fuel usage. However, instead of giving the crew a new ship, they handed the responsibility of keeping the ship up and running to the passengers. After their previous trip, Swansea went straight to the higher-ups and ripped them a new one, stating that “he couldn’t be expected to perform miracles”. When the crew was assigned this trip, they were all surprised that corporate had listened to Swansea’s complaints and granted them with another engineer. (Y/N) was self-sufficient, only really needing to work with Swansea to consult him on how best to move forward and with Daisuke when Swansea needed a break from his overzealousness. As a result, Curly saw and knew very little about her. “No, I’m afraid I haven’t. Why?”
“She’s due for her check-in as well but I haven’t seen her these past two days to tell her that. Go figure. We share a room yet recently she’s been waking up earlier and sleeping later than I have. When I went to ask Swansea and Daisuke if they’d seen her, they said that they haven’t seen her at all today.”
“Huh. She’ll show up eventually. This ship only has so many places a person can be. If I see her, I’ll let her know to go straight to you. Thanks, Anya.” He patted her shoulder lightly before heading out, making his way back to the cockpit to fulfill his duties.
In the evening, the crew convened at the table for dinner. Curly always looked forward to this time of day, where everyone had finished all of their tasks and could open up with light hearted banter. With only the six of them on the ship for over a year, all they had were each other, and he cherished all of his crew members. Anya and Swansea were chatting to the left of him about Swansea’s kids back on Earth. To his right, he saw Jimmy get increasingly agitated as Daisuke tried convincing him to swap dinners with him. That’s when he spotted the empty chair across from him and realized that (Y/N) was still missing.
No one was concerned by her absence; it was a common occurrence, and he trusted Daisuke and Swansea to be in the loop about what she was up to and would report to him if anything happened. During the work day, everyone was so consumed with their jobs and couldn’t afford to worry about the whereabouts of the others, unless they needed to lend a hand. Curly wasn’t an exception to this. As the captain it was his responsibility to make sure his crew members were okay and that things were moving along nicely, and so far there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary that indicated otherwise. With everyone finishing up their dinner, clean up began before people bid each other goodnight.
In the middle of the night, he woke up parched. Debating whether or not to get a glass of water, he finally got out of bed and made his way to the lounge where the kitchen was. Leaving his room, he could hear a faint clacking noise grow slightly louder the closer he got to the lounge entrance. Opening the door to the lounge, he was finally met with the sixth crew member whom no one had seen all day. Sitting at the dining table, (Y/N) rested her feet on the seat of her chair and had her knees drawn up to her chest. All around her were books and loose papers scattered about. Her hair was messed up, likely a direct cause of the hand she kept on her head, fingernails digging into her scalp. Curly gently cleared his throat, trying to make her aware of his presence. Shooting a tired glance his way, her eyes widened a bit before immediately sitting up straight and tidying her hair. She looked guilty, like she was caught in the middle of doing something she wasn’t supposed to be doing.
“Finally, we get to see her. Where have you been, Miss Absentee?” He sent a small smile her way, walking over to her.
“C-Captain! What are you doing up? It’s quite late.” (Y/N) nervously fidgeted.
“Just up for a glass of water. What are you doing up so late is the real question.” He crossed his arms.
“Just doing a bit of work. Can’t get enough of it.” She joked dryly. Curly frowned and pulled the chair next to her to take a seat. She sighed and leaned back, finally relaxing from tensing up after seeing Curly enter the room. (Y/N) didn’t know her captain well, and as such she always tried her best to save face and remain professional with him, but at this hour of the night, she was too tired to keep up with decorum.
He leaned on the table, facing her. “I know we may not be as close as you are with Swansea and Daisuke, or even Anya, but as your captain I care about how you’re doing and I want you to open up to me.” Her expression became hesitant as she shifted in her seat. “We’re all busy and even though it’s common for you to go missing during meal times, seeing you like this now is making me worried about how you’re doing.”
(Y/N) kept quiet for a second, looking like she was mulling something over before picking up the object right in front of her. “Do you know what this is?”
“An abacus. Interesting that you have one.” he said.
“Yeah.” she sighed. She moved her gaze from Curly to the plastic Polle statue in the corner of the room. “Before I got on the Tulpar, they had given me all of the supplies I needed to fulfill my duties and do what they asked of me. I had met Swansea only briefly before so he could give me manuals and maps of the ship’s layout. I got the uniform, the steel-toed boots, notebooks, writing utensils, and a solar-powered calculator.” (Y/N) shook her head. “You’d think that would be enough to prepare me to be here, but no . If only there was a way to have a bit of sunlight in outer space in a ship with no windows. They gave me something so crucial but useless out here. I had brought the abacus on board with me for sentimental reasons, but ironically enough it’s the only thing here that allows me to do my job.” She glanced back at him. “I’m not sure if you were aware, but Pony Express lied and said this was an internship for graduate students. Little did I know I’d be thrown into something I wasn’t going to have much guidance in. I needed a break from my PhD and even though the pay wasn’t that great, I was desperate for some sort of escape from academia. I thought going to space would give me that, but every day I wake up is a constant reminder that I’m so underqualified. Swansea is an expert with the mechanical side of the ship and he’s helped me a great deal, but the fluid mechanics and thermodynamics of it all are things he knows nothing about. So I’m here, trying my best to play catch-up and praying that I figure out a solution so that this ship has enough fuel, enough air to last us an entire year, and that the Tulpar doesn’t pop like a pressurized soda bottle while we’re out here.”
“(Y/N)...” Curly’s voice died at her name, shocked at this revelation and disappointed he somehow didn’t know about her struggle sooner. “I had no idea what you were going through. You always seemed to have a grasp on your tasks and Swansea always praised the work you did, so I just assumed you weren’t having a hard time adjusting. Have you told any of this to Anya during your evaluations?”
“No… I really wanted to believe that I could do it and stick it out, and so far, thank God, I’ve just barely made it every time. I really wanted you and the rest of the crew to believe I was capable and worthy of being here.” He cautiously put a hand on her shoulder, testing the waters on how he should comfort her.
“You are worthy of being here. The fact that we’ve been having such a smooth trip with no complications so far makes that obvious. I really appreciate you opening up to me now. I want to do everything I can to make sure you aren’t stressed about your work. You need to get rest and eat like the rest of us. Sure, none of us are a chemical engineering smarty pants like you, but you can always ask for help, even if it’s just for something like bringing you food or running errands around the ship.” He smiled at her, and she weakly reciprocated the gesture.
“I’ll keep that in mind for next time. Thank you, Curly.” Too tired to remember formalities, (Y/N) let out a big yawn, much to his amusement.
“So are you gonna go to bed?” He asked. She threw her head back and groaned in defeat, murmuring a “yes”. “Good! I hope I get to see more of you around now that you’ll be asking for help, yes?”
“Yes, of course, Captain. I’ll see you tomorrow.” The both of them stood up, (Y/N) to head to her quarters and Curly to finally get his glass of water. Before completely leaving, she paused and turned back. “Oh, and Captain?”
“Hmm?” He raised his head up to look at her again.
“I know you have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders looking after all of us. Please, rely on me too.” She smiled gently.
“Goodnight, (Y/N).” He called after her as she slipped through the door. He felt content that he was making good progress to gaining the trust of the crew member he knew the least. It always made him feel good to be the reliable captain he hoped everyone viewed him as. Having that conversation with (Y/N) made him a little more relaxed now that she had opened up to him for the first time.
#mouth washing#curly mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#curly x reader#mouthwashing x reader#Thermo & Turmo
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