#med school brotp

[batfambyval]

Okay. So. This is hilarious. But.

Freud was a fucking genius okay. He was literally the first person to prove that mental illness was treatable. Without him we would still just be locking people up in an asylum for having PTSD and saying god was punishing them for something. He was admittedly wrong about a lot and he focused too much on sex, but he admitted when he was wrong (if he caught it), he was constantly retracting theories a few years later. And he was overly focused on sex because of the time he lived in, when women couldn’t get medical treatment because no one wanted to let an un-married man and woman be in a closed room together. The most prudish era. He focused on sex because literally no one else was acknowledging it’s existence. Freud is the father of modern day psychology. He proved that mental illness is treatable. He was way ahead of his time. Just because he wasn’t perfect doesn’t mean we should dismiss all fucking good he did.

If you can’t tell I’m a nerd.

Harley Quinn who recently kidnapped Bruce Wayne and texted Scarecrow to meet her: "Alright Brucie Boy, you're probably wondering why I kidnapped you, and don't worry! It's not for anything "villainous" or the like. You might not remember it but I remember me and you being in med school together along with Crane and I thought we could form a club since we never got to start one in school since you dipped in the middle of the year!"

Scarecrow who just walked in: "That's seriously why we're here? I thought you needed my help. You said it was urgent."

Harley holding up a tote bag: "It is urgent! I made t-shirts and I need to know if they fit!"

Bruce who honestly just wanted a nap: "Let's just see the shirts Quinzel."

Scarecrow: You're actually going along with this!?"

Bruce raising a brow and looking down at the ropes that are binding him to a chair: "I don't have much of a choice..."

Scarecrow: "...Fair point. Okay Harley show us the shirts."

Harley pulls out a crop top shirt proudly, it's half red, half black that has 'OFFICIAL FUCK FREUD CLUB' on the chest: "I got em personalized! Bruce gets a black turtleneck because he was the soft goth boy in med school and he's still a little goth baby. John you get a flannel that has the sayin' on the back! Aren't they cute?"

Bruce remembering how much he hated Freud and having to listen to his methods and ideas in school, and how he, Harley, and John would shit talk him in their study group: "Okay I actually love this idea and the shirts."

Scarecrow trying to hide how touched he is: "You got me flannel?"

[bronanlynch]

Another extremely predictable character for the ask meme: Cass

hell yeah thank you

Sexuality Headcanon: hmm I'm not sure if I think they have too much of a gender preference as much as I think they're just like. kinda picky when it comes to more serious relationships, partially due to. I think for a lot of their life they're just kind of busy and don't have much time to commit to that (med school, the war, getting established in a life of crime, y'know, famously time-consuming activities) Gender Headcanon: had a goth phase as like a teenager and then returned to it a little bit when they were on counterweight. I know that doesn't answer the question but also it kind of does, in some ways isn't goth a gender? A ship I have with said character: historically I have been mainly into cassmako and I do still enjoy them a lot but I wrote cassaudy for secsam this year and had a really good time with that too A BROTP I have with said character: well as a known sokrates fan I'm obligated to say sokrates here. but also aria and also like. the chime as a group A NOTP I have with said character: hmm I guess I'm not super into cass/aria as romantic? love their friendship though. normal feelings abt their conversation in the finale A random headcanon: I think it would be fun (sad) if the squid ink pasta that cass is making during animal out of context is something that they used to have with their parents, maybe something that their non-apokine parent made for them & their siblings on the rare occasions that they were all in the same place and doing things privately as a family General Opinion over said character: what a guy! I do love it when a plan comes together! I love the tension between their identities as a doctor and as a soldier, and the stuff with their family is very fun and tasty. also. everything abt their legacy makes me So upset at all times but in an incredibly fun way that I love to explore

[starlightshadowsworld]

Accurate also his dare you hide this masterpiece in the tags

Imagine Bruce covertly sending notes to Harley (with Ivy adding her 2 cents in) and Crane because ahhh help! And there combined braincells and 4am discussions actually make it work 😂.

I think it’s really funny that Batman seems to do most of the science work for the justice league when he’s not even an actual scientist. he’s just a med school dropout at most. there’s so many examples with assorted justice leaguers bc so many of them are scientists but in particular I’m just like why is Batman processing evidence when Flash is a literal forensic scientist in his day job. like what happened there? Bruce said “actually I’ve watched a ton of cop shows and like CSI shows so naturally this is my job now” and Barry’s sitting there with his actual degree in forensic science or criminal justice or whatever and he’s like “you sure you don’t want help?” and Bruce tells him he works alone and Barry just shrugs and leaves the room because it’s a lost cause

[frankchurchillsaysrelax]

Somebody please bring Alex Manes and Kyle Valenti back to my television screen. Do you see what happens when you leave them all unsupervised boys???

[aslongasimhereyoureinvincible]

kageyama for the ask meme of COURSE but also... bokuto

Kageyama:

Favourite thing about them: his autistic swag lmao. But fr the way in which he struggles with communication and anger issues and a special interest most of his peers don't really get is very relatable for me and fact that he's neither demonised for it nor are his bad actions excused either is deeply deeply important to me

Least favourite about them: there is literally nothing i dislike about kageyama tobio

Favourite line: 'as long as I'm here you're invincible' of course, or maybe 'I wanted to go even further with this team'

brOTP: I think kageyama and hoshiumi's dynamic on the adlers together is criminally underexplored they are so funny together, also I really like platonic kagetsukki and kageyachi

OTP: literally what else other than kagehina?

nOTP: I'm sorry but I just Do Not get the appeal of oikage or shipping him with anyone else from kitadai for that matter, also not too keen on atsukage although I appreciate its comedy potential

Random headcanon: i think it'd be funny if he developed lactose intolerance in his late 20's and had to figure out a non gross tasting dairy alternative. Also trans male kageyama lives in my head rent free

Unpopular opinion: not to be nsfw but he's a bottom, ESPECIALLY with hinata

Song I associate with them: it's alright by mother mother, LEO by tacica, and in case you don't live forever by ben platt

Favourite picture of them: his and hinata's final quick in the kamomedai match is one of my fave scenes in the entirety of haikyuu: 

and also his smile when MSBY beats the adlers: 

(these are also some of my fave hinata panels too) 

Bokuto:

Favourite thing about them: the way his optimism is presented narrativly as one of his strengths rather than a sign of naivete or childishness

Least favourite about them: he's VERY loud and extroverted and as much as I love him as a character I'd defo find him overwhelming irl

Favourite line: 'we're gonna win em all' and 'I'm just a normal ace'

brOTP: ofc bokuroo but also botsukki! I love their dynamic. Also also him and yukie, theyre besties

OTP: bokuaka!! They are the protagonists of the world!!!!

nOTP: romantic botsukki or like shipping him w/ any of the jackals

Random heacanon: he has ADHD and cyclothymia! He was unmedicated in high school which meant he struggled pretty bad with mood swings and RSD but as an adult he has meds and better coping strategies

Unpopular opinion: he's a lot LOT smarter than people give him credit for, he's very emotionally intelligent

Song I associate with them: I don't really have one? Maybe everbody loves me by oneRepublic

Favourite picture of him: the whole way of the ace sequence from the nekoma/fukurodani match: 

(seriously i freaking love this scene bokuto is so cool) 

also these panels of him running alone, i feel like they say a lot about his character: 

[goggles-mcgee]

Some other rogue about to kidnap Bruce Wayne: "You're coming with me Wayne!"

Harley Quinn busting in out of nowhere: "Put him down! That's my emotional support billionaire!"

Scarecrow following Harley at a more lax speed: "I would do what the lady says."

[jamespotterthefirst]

What sort of things do they tease each other about?

Conversely, what do they know to never tease about?

Tobias & Ethan

Hermosa, muchas gracias!

What sort of things do they tease each other about?

They have so much history and as such, so much material. The biggest punchline, however, are embarrassing or hilarious med school stories. There are many, of the drunk and sober variety. These two were a menace either way. Tobias teases Ethan by regaling Lilac with these.

Later, Ethan gets his payback when he can tell Laurel all about a young and restless Tobias Carrick also knows as Dwight Theodore Lewis III

2. Conversely, what do they know to never tease about?

Fiona (AKA the Hopkins girl they both fell for). But more importantly, their fallout.

BROTP/Platonic Ship Asks

[bunnvoid]

💛- Bruce Wayne

anything for you beloved <33

Brotp headcanons for Bruce Wayne

ok I admit a lot of my brotps are interchangeable with my ships just cuz I, love, love and my heart is big so im a multishipper.

but the only one I like just as besties

Bruce and Harley.

Like absolutely feed each other's chaotic energies. They def knew each other in med-school and were menaces together (rip Harvey's peace of mind). like Goth/alt & introvert/extrovert solidarity with them and I adore it. Team ups now as Batman and Harely would be just as chaotic! in a perfect world theyd beat the living crap out of joker

[rangermukuro]

kaito and Tsumugi and. Junko. hi.

okay this one gets a cut <3

kaito

Sexuality Headcanon: 1 on the kinsey scale Gender Headcanon: whatever 'slightly to the left of a cis man' is A ship I have with said character: so i was gonna write a thing for my private school au that's just a ludicrously convoluted 4way with kaito, miu, kokichi, and shuichi. that's my kaito ship A BROTP I have with said character: yuta and kaito but in the very stupid 'fake dating' way A NOTP I have with said character: today i learned aoi and kaito is a ship. that. A random headcanon: i think he has some kind of attachment disorder. General Opinion over said character: i'm not really a kaitofan but i don't hate him. 6/10

tsumugi

Sexuality Headcanon: lesbian Gender Headcanon: specifically a femme lesbian A ship I have with said character: she thinks she's in love with junko and celestia. does that count A BROTP I have with said character: kokichi and tsumugi but in a worsties way. but also besties A NOTP I have with said character: shiromami. yknow. ugh A random headcanon: i think she should get really into sweet lolita fashion and maybe she'll calm down General Opinion over said character: 8.5/10 she'd be higher but the writing in v3 makes it weird

junko

Sexuality Headcanon: bisexual she denies being attracted to women not because of internalized homophobia but because it's funny Gender Headcanon: i think she is a trans lady :) A ship I have with said character: girlbestfriends platonic relationship with sayaka. also syoshima. i know i don't talk about it a lot but. A BROTP I have with said character: worstbesties with her literal sister. does that count A NOTP I have with said character: matsushima A random headcanon: i think she has so much brain scrungle that if she were to get therapy and go on meds she'd basically be unrecognizable as herself General Opinion over said character: 9/10

[ultraviolet-ink]

character ask meme thing! in absolutely predictable fashion i will ask for yuujin mikotoba <3

AHHH!!! FATHER!! YES!! Yuujin Mikotoba favorite thing about them: I really enjoy his role in the story, both in what he shares and what he DOESN'T share. I find him to be extremely clever and caring, and I love the dry humor he has! My favorite case with him has to be 2-1, he and Susato have such a great dynamic, and getting the "father frustrator" achievement was hilarious XD least favorite thing about them: It's a double edged sword, but his secretiveness is something I like and don't like. Sometimes it can feel a little too "idiot-plotty". favorite line: I can't remember what it was exactly, but it was in 2-4 where he tells Ryuu about how much of a bright young woman Susato is, but bemoans the lack of opportunities she gets due to being female. He truly loves his daughter and it makes me smile! brOTP: Sholmes XD OTP: Also Sholmes, it's growing on me XD nOTP: I can't really think of any NoTPs lol random headcanon: Dad-bod Mikotoba supremacy, his london model is lying to you, he ain't flat, he's wearing a corset or something unpopular opinion: I don't think he was a bad father for leaving Susato, I would argue that it was the best thing he could have done in that moment. He wasn't in a good place when Ayame died, he would have been around 26 and freshly out of med school with a newborn. He would not have been established like he was when we first meet him, and he needed to support his baby. The exchange trip would have had a generous stipend and would have helped him take care of Susato and his mother. It wasn't an easy decision, but ensuring that security was the best thing he could have done, and he does try to make up for missing so much of Susato's life, he DOES put in the effort, and you can tell by the way he talks about her that he does treasure and love her. song i associate with them: Dear Theodosia from Hamilton, I can see it as a conversation he has with Susato before he leaves, just holding her and looking into her eyes so that she could remember his face, and the promise of making a better world for her! I'm so soft for that shit! favorite picture of them: This one from the DGS2 artbook! Sometimes you just gotta take care of a baby with the homies XD

[iinkheart]

💕 👪 👑 lourdes

LOURDES DELGADO

💕 …someone my muse loves. 

Having lost her entire family in the invasion, Anne was one of the members of the 2nd Massachusetts who Lourdes was naturally drawn towards because of the utility of their shared medical knowledge, but their personal relation is one that grew out of mutual regard and admiration; Anne’s for Lourdes’ unfailing hope and Lourdes’ for Anne’s nerves of steel. Their relationship is far more than that of colleagues, however: to Lourdes, Anne Glass-Mason, who falls somewhere between a mother and an older sister, is her eternal companion and somebody she implicitly trusts with her life.

(In modern au, though, pls imagine Anne mentoring bb high school Lourdes and encouraging her med school ambitions anyway pls bc my brotp

👪 …someone in my muse’s family.

Lourdes is very close to her older siblings, and her cousins. Before they were a big excitable bunch of co-conspirators.

👑 …someone my muse is jealous of.

In canon verse, Lourdes is weirdly the slightest bit jealous of Matt Mason in the very beginning. She would never begrudge anyone their happiness, especially not in a world like theirs, but it bites to know that, even at the end of the world, Matt has something she yearns for constantly and will likely never have again.

GET TO KNOW THE PEOPLE IN MY MUSE’S LIFE.

[joysmercer]

chess (watt), school

[kate dies, chess lives, ten-ish years in the future AU]

“Hey, how was your new rot-” the rest of Eva’s sentence dies off when she sees Chess sitting at the dining table, nursing a cup of coffee (never mind that it’s 11pm and she has an early shift tomorrow).

“My first day in the ED was pretty rough, too; they don’t really prepare you for everything in med school,” she says consolingly.

“They — there was a kid who came in, just sixteen, stab wound to the chest, and I— I froze and they couldn’t —” Chess suddenly dissolves into tears and buries her face into Eva’s shoulder.

send me a character/ship/brotp and a prompt word and I’ll write you a 3-sentence fic ✨

[meggtheegg]

evan hansen, sam wilson, & wanda maximov?

ohh man this one's gonna get long so i'll put it under a read more :D

evan:

favorite thing about them

his sincere desire to make sure everyone is okay. half of his problems stem from that one need, but it's ultimately what makes him set things right, too.

least favorite thing about them

there are many obvious character flaws that i could point out, but the most overlooked one is that he goes off his fucking meds without telling anyone that shit is dangerous and should not be treated as anything but that.

favorite line

"dear evan hansen, today is going to be a good day and here's why. because today, no matter what else, today at least you're you. no hiding. no lying. just... you. and that's. that's enough. maybe someday, everything that happened will all feel like a distant memory. maybe someday no one will remember about the connor project. or me. maybe someday, some other kid is going to be standing here, staring out at the trees, feeling so...alone, wondering if maybe the world might look different from all the way up there. better. and maybe he'll start climbing, one branch at a time, and he'll keep going. even when it seems like he can't find another foothold. even when it feels... hopeless. like everything is telling him to let go. this time...maybe this time, he won't let go. he'll just hold on...and keep going. he'll keep going until he sees the sun."

brOTP

evan and zoe should be friends, and even if that's super unrealistic, i will still hold onto that

OTP

evan x going back on his gosh darn meds

nOTP

i've never really seen an evan ship that bothers me, actually

random headcanon

i've said it a million times and i will say it again, this kid has autism, and no one will ever convince me otherwise (side-eyes steven levenson and ben platt)

unpopular opinion

evan is neither a horrible kid or a smol uwu anxious bean. he's a mentally ill teenager, who should be treated with the nuance and understanding that deserves.

also, the kiss at the end of ywbf kills all the emotion and power of the song so quickly, why has it not been taken out yet

song i associate with them

kill the ghost - motherfolk

favorite picture of them

(i am so sorry, i had to share this picture with the world it makes me laugh every time)

sam:

favorite thing about them

what is there not to love about sam wilson, honestly? if i have to pick something, it's probably his adaptability. captain america trolling him on his morning run? okay, let's talk to him about his trauma. he and black widow show up at his door saying everyone's trying to kill them? let them in and make them breakfast, if they eat that kind of thing. being hunted by some masked assassin? time to bring a knife to a gunfight and win, i guess. the masked assassin is cap's best friend? well, time to drop everything and search the world for him and become an avenger. superheroes have to register with the government, now? well, guess it's time to become a fugitive and go on the run for a few years. cap is an old man, half the world has gone on without him for five years, and now he's supposed to be captain america? well, he'll hesitate to take up the mantle, but good for steve. the masked assassin that tried to kill him is part of his found family now? sure, whatever. invite him to the cookout. i think that literally nothing could surprise this man, by now, and he just keeps doing what he feels is right without even stopping to question it.

least favorite thing about them

honestly, i don't even know. some of the stuff he says to bucky feels uncharacteristically unsympathetic, in civil war and the beginning of tfatws, but also like,,,usually he's not wrong, he's just kind of blunt about it??? idk man i love sam wilson.

oh, and i guess the cowl on his cap suit looks kinda dumb and uncomfortable

favorite line

"the only power i have is that i believe we can do better."

that's sam summed up in one line, right there. he's a normal guy surrounded by superheroes and yet he holds his own and stands out because he's so sincere and dedicated and good that it doesn't even matter

brOTP

sam and steve. we should've gotten more of them hanging out, honestly. they were great together.

OTP

sambucky, baybee! for all the reasons i listed in my answer for bucky :)

nOTP

another one i can't think of anything for. i guess sam/tony, if anyone ships that???

random headcanon

sam was actually pretty quiet, as a kid. he kind of let sarah do the talking for him. it wasn't until they got older that he started becoming more talkative and developing his sense of humor

unpopular opinion

sam did make mistakes in tfatws. bucky wasn't the only one to screw up. that was what made their reconciliation so nice. yeah, bucky was being way more of an asshole about the shield than sam was about anything, but that doesn't mean he was perfect 100% of the time, and that's good. that's what makes him human and relatable.

song i associate with them

come on, there's no way i can't say trouble man, here.

favorite picture of them

wanda

favorite thing about them

her gentle kindness. especially in civil war, there's something so soft and genuine about her that's just immediately endearing.

least favorite thing about them

the way that closing scene in wandavision implied she still may become a villain, despite having that option and rejecting it at the cost of her family, earlier that same episode. it just felt...wrong.

favorite line

"i can't control their fear. only my own."

i probably quote this line way too often. it's just....chef's kiss

(honorable mention goes to: "I don't even know who you are." "You will.")

brOTP

i so wish agatha hadn't become a one-dimensional villain in the last episode, because their friendship, however fake, was really sweet.

but also her friendship with the rest of team cap, especially steve, was also really lovely and i wish we could've gotten more of that

OTP

🎶WANDAVISION, WA-WANDAVISION, WANDAVISION WA-WANDAVISION...WANDAVISION!!"🎶

nOTP

wanda/pietro....just...ew....

random headcanon

despite her love for the genre, the two sitcoms she could never watch were alf and gilligan's island. the themes of being trapped somewhere without your family, no matter how funny the circumstances, just hit too close to home.

unpopular opinion

they shouldn't have aged wanda up to match lizzie's actual age. i know it was never officially stated anywhere until wandavision, but in aou and civil war, she was heavily implied to be a teenager, and honestly, that would've made everything about her character both hit harder and make way more sense. she could have been in her late teens-early 20s by the time wandavision rolled around, but having her in her late 20s-early 30s just doesn't fit all the comments about her being a kid/going to high school/etc. making her younger would mean that her decision to join hydra was the misinformed decision of a traumatized teenager, rather than a grown woman, and could have tied into tfatws and karli, which could then expand into an actual examination of why young people are willing to go to such extremes to make change and that could have been really interesting.

song i associate with them

razzmatazz - i don't know how but they found me

favorite picture of them

[napo-con-fritas]

nico diangelo 🤍 cause we love emos in this house

@tywinz thanks for the ask, miga!

Why I like them: at first, because by the time I read TLO he was around my age, and for some reason I loved him at once, as the series progressed I started to appreciate the hardships he went through, and the depth of his character

Why I don’t: I dislike fanon Nico, they’ve stripped his personality down to “uwu baby” and Solangelo, as if those were his only traits :((

Favourite scene: when he’s trying to convince Hades to join the fight against Kronos. If you ignore they’re discussing war and the fate of the universe, it’s such a typical insistent teenager vs annoyed parent scene

Favourite season book: The Titan’s Curse

Favourite line: “And woah! You’re the wine dude? No way!” <- what a darling. Also any moment in which you can actually feel his hands moving I need hand moving rep all right?

Favourite outfit: I just want to see him in a normal, ugly, CHB orange T-shirt. I get that it’s cool and new merch to have a Hades Cabin shirt, but I felt like that was still Nico not feeling integrated, let him be “uno más del montón”, instead of someone special (or different)

OTP: Solangelo but in special circumstances, not canon Solangelo, definitely not fanon Solangelo either. I like the combo of Apollo child x Hades child

BrOTP: I once read a fic that made Nico and Cleo from TKC friends, for some reason I loved it, I think it’s such a pure friendship. Percy and Nico had a lot of found family trope potential, same for Jason. Reyna is already found family trope and I’m here for it... ToA not withstanding

Headcanon(s): off the top of my head:

the Di Angelos were nobility

Nico speaks several languages

Sally adopts him after HoO

he loves football ⚽️

eventually he remembers his whole past

he goes back to Italy for med school

he’s a relatively practicant Catholic (fuck the Pope tho) no I’m not projecting

Unpopular opinion: I don’t think Rick intended him to be LGBT before MoA, in PJatO he didn’t feel queer coded, I had actually thought Bianca was gay. I think (you’ll hate me here) that his emo phase is a teenage thing, people’s interest vary a lot during adolescence, by the time he’s 20 he might’ve become a hipster

A wish: that he gets better with therapy and becomes a happy person again

‘Oh god please don’t ever happen’: other than dying...?

5 words to describe him: resilient, sarcastic, troubled, astute, caring

Nickname(s): Nico imo is already a nickname, his name is Niccolò or Domenico, or something of the sort, I like the Niccolò best (via my hc of him being nobility, he probably has like four names and I need one to be Salvatore)

[burnt-toast-life]

For the ask game how about Ashe since I know nothing about him

Favorite Thing: his personality and hobbies are genuinely so fun wrfhsb I love him a lot. Like hes this fun and energetic researcher who apprently has a lot of skills with blades, has nearly gone to college for med school, is extremely academically intelligent, and also bakes and plays piano. Mr antagonistic know it all Ily.

Least Favorite Thing: so like. I want him to have a happy ending and stop trying to literally steal this girl’s heart </3 but no matter what he doesn’t stop. I mean his character and the determination and pure villainy of it is super neat but I ALSO a think it would be neat if he finally like. Got therapy.

Favorite line: “our meeting must be fate” “you and I have the same scent” also that one line where he mentions he’d be fine bathing with Sirius. Okay gayboy /hj

brOTP: Ashe and Claire!! They are besties and will END you <3

OTP: tie between noelashe and wilashe!

nOTP: canon Matty x Ashe

Random headcanon: one of his favorite sweets are donuts because it reminds him of his sister!

Unpopular Opinion: I don’t know if I have one, actually-

Song: The Distortionist

Fave Pic:

This is literally the funniest thing to me

[ghostmartyr]

how a life can move from the darkness [1/?]

Yo.

This wasn’t at all how I planned doing this, but who needs plans, really?

This is the first part of a fic not intentionally designed to be separated into parts. It’s unedited, somewhat long, and very indulgent.

What it contains:

Two drug addicts meet in group and decide to be roommates to make their living situation slightly less weird. From there we do the slow burn found family dance mixed in with the struggles and agonies of recovery.

High octane awkward Eren and Historia brotp. Pure gen, pure disaster.

EMA feels of the brand where Eren doesn’t make out with either of them, but if he did, you wouldn’t, like, be shocked? The One True Threesome energy stops at the gen door, but it’s there.

Ymir is there (though not yet; slow burn in all walks of genre), and she and Historia have emotions, and it’s complicated, and they’re morons. The parts where they make out on a countertop haven’t been written yet, but it’s very clear that if they could, that’s all they’d spend their lives doing.

And before I ruin mobile users lives, uh. I worked really hard on all of this, even though I never reached the editing stage, so if you wanna comment if you like any of it, that would be rad.

With that, off to the races.

Eren hated going to meetings. He hated the squeaky floors. He hated the creak all of the chairs made when someone sat down. Or moved. He hated the steadily more concerned looks the group leader, Petra, sent him when he stopped opening his mouth during. He hated listening to all the horrible things everyone had done to the people they loved. He hated knowing he had done worse.

He hated the look on his mom’s face when he didn’t go.

He hated that it made him think of pills. Over a month after rehab, over a month of several meetings a week, and every time someone had an emotion near him, he wished he could go back to being high.

He kept hearing that was normal.

The itch under his hands, the loud thump of his heart, the violent mood swings. The nightmares. All normal. Everything that had got him hooked was a normal part of the recovery process.

“My name’s Eren, and I’m an addict,” he said at meetings. Sometimes he’d try, just in case there was something to it. Sometimes he talked about his mom and the missing lock from his door and how much he missed—living alone. He’d grown out of having his mother hover over him, and that was a normal thing to feel frustration about. Even though he deserved it.

Normal.

What he never said at group anymore was, “My name’s Eren, and I’m a murderer.”

That was less normal, and it made everyone uncomfortable. They were all thieves and liars. Some of them had watched people die. One person was there every single session, gnawing his fingernails down to bloody stubs, because he knew what it was like to watch the light leave someone’s eyes when they were gone for good. That was when he knew he had to get clean.

That was when Eren had decided to get high.

No one liked to think about what it was like to be the cause.

He’d gone to therapy for it, before everyone had agreed that rehab was the more necessary treatment. He’d yelled a lot. The therapist said that he shouldn’t be so hard on himself over an accident, and he’d yelled more and stopped going.

He didn’t yell at meetings. When people yelled at meetings, it bounced back around the gym. Like one of the basketballs in the locked cage in the corner. It made Eren’s ears ring and a scream that had nothing to do with words would build up in his chest until he tasted blood in his mouth.

That didn’t help much. It brought back to mind cramped cars and more hysterical screams and flashing lights and his father’s hand in his hair and tears that felt like fire and burnt flesh and he hadn’t taken anything in over a month he couldn’t be floating this far from his body and group was over.

Group was over.

He could hear Petra announce it.

It echoed less the third time he heard it.

He wasn’t the last one to stand up. The chairs all screeched together, but standing wasn’t something any of them wanted to do. He wasn’t a great participant, but he could at least listen. Their lives all sucked. No one was in a rush to go back to the real world. Except maybe the tall freckled guy. Marco. He was mastering his recovery, and all set to head back to grad school any day now. His worst problem was fearing that it would all go away when he went back. Eren hoped it didn’t. Marco had lost it trying to support his sick grandparents, dosing himself with anything to make it through the day. He wasn’t a bad guy. He was the kind of guy the rest of them mugged for drug money.

Eren wandered over to the vending machines, where the refreshment table was set out. Petra brought cookies most weeks. She told him she baked to keep from getting baked. One of the guys in group had laughed so hard that he wet himself, and no one was that surprised to hear from his buddy that he was back in rehab.

Petra’s cookies were terrible. Eren made himself eat them. She smiled when he did, and the ritual put something in his stomach. He had trouble eating before meetings. He was supposed to be talking about that. He wasn’t, because it all came back to murder and discomfort and…

His mother told him he needed to try.

She was right. He hated that, too. He hated it so much that he stopped in the middle of breaking his teeth on Petra’s stone-hard chocolate chip cookies and stared at the wall wishing he could have his meds back before he thought about something stupid like killing her too.

Drugs. His drugs. Not meds. When they were meds, they were always someone else’s. He was never supposed to be on anything except painkillers for his broken leg.

Petra had told him on their first meeting—had taken him aside and put her hand on his shoulder—more gently than she had any reason to be, that she wished they worked on broken hearts too.

He hadn’t been planning to go to the second. She said that, and he did.

He hated meetings.

He chewed through the rest of his cookie mechanically, trying not to let it show on his face that swallowing felt like swallowing a hundred tiny pebbles, and trying not to think about bright eyes chattering about dinosaurs and digestive strategies.

The first went okay.

The second had hatred wrapping around his throat like a vice of fire, and the table he was grabbing shook enough to rattle the rock cookies against their plate. Petra brought her real plates for them. They were loud and unbearable under the massive ticking clock stapled to the wall and he wanted to hurt things.

It was not the time for the tiny blonde girl who sat across from him every week to walk over and say hello. It was not the time for anyone to be saying hello to him, when he already had one body on his ledger and that hadn’t been enough to stop him from getting into fights and watching the blood spill, and fuck he needed something to stop this.

Something said, quietly, “Do you want to share an apartment?”

The table stopped rattling. The clock above it didn’t stop ticking.

Eren stared blankly at the girl. “What?”

The same dead eyes he saw in his mother’s bathroom mirror before he smashed it stared back at him, missing any hint that something strange had just been said so completely that he wondered if he had taken something and was now obliviously tripping into oblivion.

“My sister won’t let me live by myself. I need a roommate.”

Eren was still staring. His mom would say he was being rude. Another thing she was right about, but guilt was preoccupied with too many other things. “Have we talked before?” he asked.

He didn’t think she ever spoke in group. He saw her there almost every time, and some days they’d make eye contact and keep it because they always ended up sitting across from each other. They were both so dead inside that it wasn’t creepy. Eren thought that might be the other way around, but his eyes needed something to stay stuck on when he didn’t feel like talking, and she never said a word about it.

“No,” she said, “but you said last week that living with your mother wasn’t going well.”

Eren had taken his hands off the table. “It isn’t,” he said.

“You don’t need to pay rent if you don’t want to.”

Eren was twice the girl’s size. There was no reason to worry about her succeeding in harvesting his organs. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to wonder about it. “I have money,” he said. Defensively. He couldn’t work some of the jobs he wanted to anymore, but he wasn’t broke. Yet.

“That’s fine too. I just need a roommate.”

Eren was tired, he hated everything, and if he had a home he could go back to without pain, he would be going back to it. He looked at the girl. She was still tiny. A tiny, breakable drug addict. “You were there the day I said I killed someone, right?”

His voice broke in the wrong places, making him sound wrecked instead of threatening.

The girl nodded.

“Yes,” she said, before adding, the way his mom remarked on the weather these days when they were alone in the kitchen and no one was speaking, “I killed my father too.”

The clock was ticking too loud to think time had stopped. Or even slowed. If anything, it was speeding up. Eren reached for another cookie. He couldn’t make himself take it. His fingers were too heavy. He dropped his hand back to his side before he sweat all over Petra’s hard work.

“Oh,” he said. Maybe out loud.

His heart was beating too hard again. Several people were still loitering by the chairs. No one was walking over to the refreshment table. The people who went to meetings and got along with each other went out to coffee. Or invited each other over for lunch. The leftovers were not going to think Petra’s cookies were worth interrupting the weird, staring children who didn’t want to be here.

The weird, staring children who weren’t trusted out in the world on their own. Because they murdered people and did drugs.

“When can I move in?”

----

Her name was Historia. If anyone asked, they were sponsoring each other. Specifically, if Petra, Eren’s mother, or Historia’s sister asked, they were firmly united in their journey through continued sobriety, and weren’t leaving home so they could run away and do more drugs. They were mature, responsible adults, and being able to live in their own space would make them less likely to kill again.

Eren hadn’t meant to say that out loud when he and Historia were practicing their lines. They agreed to leave it out of the final cut.

The final cut never seemed to end. His mom was relieved that he had a friend, but the suddenness of Historia’s introduction and their decision to move in together set off the same alarm bells that landed him in rehab. Historia’s base personality didn’t help. His mom was used to him being unhinged, but seeing it in someone else just brought in the question of which drugs were involved. She’d insisted on speaking to Historia’s sister, and if Eren had anything breakable left in his room, he probably would have gone after it. He wasn’t sure if he was a child or a prisoner in her eyes.

Or just her last remaining family.

That line of thought put him down a very bad road, so he didn’t engage. After the fifth dent in his wall.

Historia’s sister Frieda, in comparison, was easy. She took one glance at Eren, said, “isn’t that a familiar look,” and told them both that she was keeping a key. She wouldn’t go out of her way to bother them, but she would show up without asking. She would be their final, invisible roommate.

Historia said Frieda was a social worker. Eren didn’t think he had a feeling about that, but anything that made her more comfortable measuring him up was probably a positive in all of this.

They were not allowed to be in the room when his mom talked to Frieda. He and Historia spent an hour staring at peeling wallpaper in the living room. Interspersed with thoughts on how their family members would get along. They died off fast. Eren hadn’t known Frieda long, but she was better put together than any of them combined, and it showed.

Even if he’d caught the same shadows his mom had when she looked at Historia.

After a harrowing conversation with his mother pushing for someone to help him pack up his things (someone someone someone like he didn’t know exactly who she meant), he was set to go. He asked Historia if she was okay being his someone, even though she was tiny and not anyone’s choice for a moving buddy, and that kept his mom from digging her heels in too deep.

“They are still your friends, Eren,” she’d said. Volume worked with her to make the point, and for once Eren hadn’t had a smart answer to fire back.

He didn’t know if his mom knew the exact number of the ignored texts and calls on his phone, but he did know Historia was the only person who’d willingly stepped into his house since he destroyed everything.

Not thinking about that was a symptom of treatment. He wasn’t going to improve if he kept dwelling on the negatives.

He wasn’t sure if the lying had come with the drug habit or after, but if he ever met himself in a dark alley, he’d add another body to his count. One without all the guilt.

Moving into the new apartment was weird, and he told Historia so. It only had two bedrooms, but it was gigantic, and even though he knew that Historia had lived there once before, the space was completely scrubbed of any personal touches. It was like being in a hotel. Historia said maid service would do that. She was not joking.

Eren couldn’t figure out if he was stable enough or dead enough to adjust to the concept of strangers regularly cleaning his room, but Historia was a stranger to start with, so he didn’t have much of a leg to stand on anyway.

The giant area rugs kept the echoes to a minimum, and there were no ticking clocks that he could hear. There was also much less white than he’d expected, walking around Frieda’s place. He didn’t want to ask if that was because it made her think of hospitals too. Historia answered any and all questions honestly, and it made him want to return the favor.

Petra would be delighted.

---

“How bad is it if I punch the walls?”

Historia was lying on the floor. She spent every day trying to lock herself in her room, then lost and stepped out into the main room with a textbook under her arm. There was a chance she really read them. It still reminded him of past someones pointedly flipping a page and not looking at him when he committed such heinous crimes as finishing off the wrong brand of cereal.

Eren’s chest hurt along with his scraped hands.

“It depends,” Historia said, resting her chin in the middle of the pages. “Breaking your hand might count as drug-seeking behavior.”

He hadn’t thought of that. He should have. He should have had any thought at all that stopped him from wanting to scream at the top of his lungs and letting the swell of rage take over until hitting things sounded like a good idea.

His head joined the pain party. He wanted his pills.

“I was more concerned about the walls,” he said.

Historia shrugged. “The walls are easier to fix than we are. Money works on them.”

Eren couldn’t think of anything to say to that. He thought he wanted to laugh. He walked over to the couch and sat on it, putting a step between him and staring listlessly at the ceiling. He was still being a pathetic bastard, but he was finding speed bumps. They were easier to hit out of his mom’s house.

He had no idea if Historia was finding any. He was probably supposed to, if they were taking the sponsor thing seriously, but he wasn’t sure if they had anything to say about everything without bringing up patricide. That was a loaded first topic. The walls could use a break.

“What are you studying?”

“Veterinary medicine.”

“Cool.” He wanted to lie down. He could not lie down. “You want to be a vet?”

“Things are dying around me all the time anyway,” Historia said. She turned a page.

Some roommates had chore wheels. Maybe they needed a conversation wheel. Only they’d need someone else to build it so they had topics besides drugs and death. Eren gave it a shot without one. “Most vets just say they like animals.”

He didn’t know why that was the wrong thing to say. He had never been good at this. But that look wasn’t the look small talk was supposed to bring out. Historia looked like Armin that time they got lost at a theme park—

Eren really wanted to lie down.

“I like animals,” Historia said. The words came out like pulled teeth. She looked at him. “What do you like, Eren?”

Eren stiffened. At the tip of his tongue should have been something about fightingdrugsarminmikasa. A joke or a truth. Something about the ceilings they kept staring at instead of going outside and doing something with the rest of the world. Something.

There should have been something.

Maybe that was why it was the wrong thing to say. Historia couldn’t remember what it was like to like things, either.

---

Eren still had two of his jobs. He wasn’t sure how. He would have fired him. He was supervising rock climbers while he was high. Never outside the building, since his manager wanted to be sure he was recovered from… His manager wanted to be sure his body was in peak condition when he went with the free climbers. His manager had saved lives, and now Eren peed in a cup and they didn’t talk about it.

Keeping his other job was less surprising, because his clients didn’t have to worry so much about his mental stability. They just needed someone to train with.

That used to cover broader categories. Then he had a flashback over breaking his sparring partner’s nose and. And. Now he mostly stuck to advertising running.

It shouldn’t have been a challenge to change that on the website, but every click brought him closer to the guy who set it up for him, who had made this possible past just word of mouth, and just because Historia let him scream himself hoarse in the bathroom didn’t mean it was where he wanted to be with his life, but every single time…

His best friend. Not just some guy. His best friend.

Armin.

Eren lost a step to his pace. Reiner, huffing behind him and swearing, didn’t notice. Eren had met him in rehab, and Reiner had kept his number. He’d been even worse off than Eren, and when he started coming out of it, he spent all of his time trying to get his body back. Pushups when he was supposed to be sleeping, pull-ups on parts of the building that weren’t designed for it.

He’d done amateur MMA. Like Eren.

Reiner was going to make it back to that if he had anything to say about it.

Running wasn’t the magic bullet for emotional release that fighting was, but it got Eren outside, people were still paying him to kick their asses into high gear, and when they asked him where he’d been, they weren’t looking for a real answer.

Eren ran up the hill, Reiner trying to close in behind him. No one had put him through physical therapy while he was indulging his drug habit. Eren had seen clips. They should have fought before they forgot how to be sober. It would’ve been fun.

Now he thought about punching anyone but himself and all he could feel was warm blood pooling around his freezing hands.

His shoe hit a rock.

This was where he was supposed to call his sponsor.

He was running. For work.

The trail summit wasn’t far off. Reiner sounded like he needed a break anyway. They could stop, and he could tell Historia he was having a rough day. Like he didn’t go home and put that on full display every single time it happened. Every single day.

He called a halt too soon. He didn’t know if that meant he had been running too fast or if he’d spaced out again, and Reiner’s heaving breaths didn’t point any helpful fingers. He walked over to the bench that looked over the hill and started his stretches against it. He wasn’t hiding pulling out his phone. He wouldn’t lie if Reiner caught him with it. He just didn’t need to call attention to it.

He checked over his shoulder. Reiner was taking in the view and the overfriendly bird pecking at his shoe. The wildlife here had learned that humans meant food. The Parks and Rec department’s disagreement didn’t have much of an effect on that. Reiner was reaching an empty hand down for the critter to investigate.

Eren couldn’t tell if Reiner enjoyed nature or thought part of his recovery had to be learning to enjoy nature. Everyone he hung out with these days was stuck in a cycle of healthy behavior whether they were into it or not.

He looked down at his phone. He brought up his messages to Historia before he could read the number of unread texts from other someones. Armin. …Mikasa. He thought they’d added a digit. He wasn’t going to check. The curiosity bred hope, and the memories behind that led to wrath and busted walls.

He looked at his phone.

It is Tuesday morning and I want drugs.

Nice.

He couldn’t come up with a good way to say it. A way that sounded like he was making some progress instead of straddling a fence. But he’d promised his mom he’d try. He’d promised himself he’d try. The person who didn’t try was a thieving jackass, and he wasn’t going back to that. So he sent the bad text.

Historia messaged him back.

That’s unusual?

Eren held his phone under his head’s shadow. To read the words better.

They didn’t change. They weren’t joined by any more, either.

He closed his eyes. Opened them.

He sent her a picture of the bird Reiner had coaxed onto his shoulder.

They both sucked at this.

[next]