#meanwhile the ai doesn’t even acknowledge that i’m here | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

merryfortune · 3 years ago

Text

little potplants

Written for 100ships on Dreamwidth

Prompt #61 Green

Ship: Saviorshipping | Ryoken/Spectre/Yusaku

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS

Word Count: 2,458

Rating: T

Warnings: No Warnings Apply

Tags: Fluff, Established Relationship, Polyamory

AN: this is a very silly and dramatic fic about chia pets

Yusaku had finally gotten what he had wanted. What he wanted was Ryoken’s love and companionship. It just so happened that what Yusaku wanted came with one stipulation. One very Spectre shaped stipulation.

Once more, Yusaku gave all his heart, as shackled by chains and scarred as it was, to Ryoken and rather than spurn him, Ryoken accepted it. And once more, Yusaku conveyed the hope that Ryoken had given him all those years ago and it made Ryoken sigh heavily. Though it was a lonely place, there was one more who sided with Ryoken on the side of that chasm than just Yusaku: that person was Spectre, who had pledged all his soul to Ryoken. Ryoken refused to let Spectre slip to the wayside so he gave Yusaku an ultimatum: both of them or neither of them.

Yusaku didn’t have to hesitate. He thought of what Ai had taught him: to love people, not just one person and though Spectre was… quirky, to be polite about it, Yusaku would try not to mind. He recalled his duel with Lightning and the fervour in which spectre had duelled, his clever plays and the peculiar beauty of his aesthetics. Though they had treated each other poorly, at best, in each other’s duel, Spectre had been inspired most gallantly because of Yusaku so, he would try to get along with Spectre, if only for Ryoken.

Thus, if Yusaku and Ryoken were prisoners of fate, then it would not be allowed by Ryoken’s decree that Spectre would be the warden of such a miserable, if romantic, declaration. Yusaku accepted that. He and Spectre, on the surface, did not appear to have much in common but they did have one thing at least: they had both loved Ryoken for ten years.

However, the practice was much different to the theory and to the dramatic highs of this relationship. In practice, it was much, much more awkward.

The mode of the relationship - or relationships, more accurately - was rather distant. Yusaku was not yet ready to move out of his apartment and with both Ryoken and Spectre. It would be inconvenient to him as he had returned to going school and their mansion was hardly close to campus and their cruiser liner was even further away. So, mostly their kisses and conversations were through text messages and video calls. It was probably for the best as they all needed to go slowly in the beginnings of this three-way relationships.

But once in a while, the stars aligned for them to meet up either in the meat space or in the Link VRAINS. It wasn’t as rare as an eclipse but it was easy to miss. Sometimes Ryoken came round to Cafe Nagi for his usual hot dog, sometimes with Spectre in tow, sometimes not.

Other times, they crossed each others’ paths in the digital world. With Ai back, Yusaku wanted to bring back the other Ignis. The Knights of Hanoi were not hindering this mission of Yusaku but out of professionalism and their commitment to atonement, they weren’t helping him either. Ryoken refused to spoil Yusaku like that but Spectre was quietly pleased with the sentiment that one day, possibly one day soon if he was lucky, he might get to meet Earth properly.

But whilst Ryoken consistently made Yusaku feel welcome and warm, with every greeting to every message or happenstance, it made the contrary all the more apparent to Yusaku. Spectre was not quite so open. Ryoken was reserved but in what moments of privacy he and Yusaku had together, they usually began or ended with Ryoken kissing Yusaku on the cheek. Spectre was not nearly as affectionate. Or verbal. And it was increasingly making Yusaku worry about whether or not having what he wanted was worth it.

Perhaps Spectre was not quite as gungho about sharing Ryoken than Ryoken had been willing to bet. Of course, Spectre didn’t utter a single complaint; he followed this order like he did any other order but there was a detached coldness whenever he rubbed shoulders with Yusaku which, whilst infrequent, was still quite noticeable.

So, shyly, Yusaku did ask about it eventually, “Are you sure Spectre likes me?” he asked in a tiny voice.

He rang Ryoken and made sure Ryoken was alone. Ryoken had high - even salacious - hopes for this but Yusaku’s question did catch him off guard. He had somewhat expected it. He had noticed the standoffishness that Spectre emanated whenever it was all three of them or some combination thereof.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Ryoken replied. He sounded very understanding about it but Yusaku still chewed his lip.

“Are you certain?” Yusaku insisted.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Ryoken replied again and Yusaku could hear the patient smile in his voice. “I can prove it.”

“How?” Yusaku asked flatly.

“Spectre and I’ll drop around tomorrow. We can bring groceries around and have dinner together for once, doesn’t that sound nice?” Ryoken mused.

“Yeah, it does…” Yusaku murmured, entirely unconvinced that one evening together would be enough to prove or sway the pendulum that he was worried about.

“We’ll come around about an hour after you would get out of school, does that work for you?” asked Ryoken.

“It does.” Yusaku told him.

“Good, see you then, so… until then, bye, I love you.” Ryoken said.

Yusaku blushed as he replied, “Bye, I love you, too.”

The line went silent and Yusaku was still entirely convinced that Spectre did not like him and would never like him. It was an unusual feeling for him but acknowledging that did little to alleviate the horrible feeling in his guts. It was like the exact opposite of having butterflies in his stomach, it was more like having elephants. It was awful. Spectre was awful, too, but he seemed an entirely different person outside of the Link VRAINS despite very much wearing the same face.

The following day went as smooth as high school could go for anyone. There were assessments and social blunders but nothing particularly gruesome. Yusaku even managed to have some spotty and bland conversations with both Shima and Aoi at different points of the day but he very much wanted to take them over Ryoken and Spectre. He was still very concerned as to how his date this evening would go as he could only imagine it as going disastrously.

He returned home and got ready for his date. Ai was very happy about it. Yusaku hadn’t even wanted to tell Ai about this date or any of the worries that he had over in the knightdom of Hanoi but unfortunately for him, this triadic relationship had become Ai’s favourite to invest in. There wasn’t a single secret Yusaku could keep around Ai anymore and Ai relished in that. He cheered Yusaku on as he put himself through the shower and got into his best clothes. Not that Yusaku needed the encouragement but given how wracked his nerves were, he couldn’t say it wasn’t appreciated.

His hair was still damp when Yusaku heard his doorbell ring. Ai gave him a big thumbs up from his perch on Yusaku’s desk where his duel disc was his throne and Yusaku weakly smiled back. With Yusaku’s laptop nearby, Ai was content to surf the ‘net and binge sketchy cartoons all night and therefore, wouldn’t disrupt or otherwise cause warfare downstairs on his date.

Yusaku smiled shakily as he opened his front door and he immediately noticed that he was out-dressed by both Ryoken and Spectre, “Hey,” he said, “I’m glad the two of you could make it.”

“It's our pleasure.” Ryoken assured him.

He reached out to Yusaku and cupped his hands whilst kissing his cheek. Yusaku smiled but he glanced towards Spectre who was trying his best to blend in with the cityscape behind him. He was holding onto a small box and had a cloth tote bag slung over his shoulders.

Ryoken pulled back and Yusaku stepped aside. He let both his partners inside and he felt a flush of embarrassment regarding his apartment given how basic it was. To say nothing of the great big cracks in the walls and other flaws but neither Ryoken nor Spectre ever said a bad word about it. They merely came inside and made themselves at home.

Spectre placed the tote bag on the counter and Yusaku curiously approached. He couldn’t help but wonder if there was a magic item inside of it to make him and Spectre get along better was inside of it but from just a sneak peak, all Yusaku could really see was the ingredients to make curry. However, they were very premium ingredients.

“How mild or spicy do you like your curry?” Spectre asked since Yusaku had taken interest; he was still holding onto that little box.

“I don’t really care.” Yusaku said, shrugging. “Surprise me.”

“Okay then.” Spectre said and his hand clenched slightly.

Ryoken, who had sat down at the table as Yusaku had meagrely put out a pitcher of cold water and cups, cleared his throat. Spectre made an annoyed noise.

“I have something for you as well.” Spectre said and his expression was difficult to read. “Here.”

He shoved the box into Yusaku’s possession and he blinked.

“For you.” Spectre clarified.

“Okay then.” Yusaku replied and he decided he wanted to sit down to open the box which, now that it was in his hands, looked bigger than before and the contents was emptier than he imagined.

They were all sitting at the table now; Spectre sat with Ryoken, who had an arm around Spectre, cuddly, and Yusaku sat across from both. He had set the box down and began to undo the bow atop of it. It wasn’t gift wrapped, it just so happened to have a fancy, mint green facade to it and was donned with a translucent yellowy-coloured ribbon. He pulled it apart and took the lid off the box.

Spectre watched very intently as Yusaku did this. His stare was stern and in total contrast to how playfully Ryoken watched him. Ryoken, meanwhile, had a smirk like a cat on his face and both made Yusaku feel a grand pressure to like whatever was in the box. He reached in and he wasn’t entirely sure what he pulled out.

There were three of them, though. All made from terracotta but were in the shape of little animals: a cat, a goat, and a hedgehog. They were cute but useless, Yusaku thought as he inspected the goat. He noticed it had a hole in its back and the hole was filled with something dark that he didn’t recognise inside of a crinkly, whitish sachet.

“What are they?” he asked.

“Chia pets.” Ryoken stated simply. “It means he likes you.”

“I don’t really get it…” Yusaku murmured as he set down the goat with a clink in favour of looking at the cat. Though, knowing it was likely seeds inside of those sachets inside of the little terracotta animals did make slightly more sense.

“They represent us.” Spectre murmured. “You’re the cat, I’m the goat, and Ryoken-sama is the hedgehog. When Ryoken-sama and I were little, he gave me some chia pets and I still have them. They are very beloved to me and my collection of plants. Ryoken-sama thought it would be a good idea if I shared that with you and I agreed. Good things come in threes with you two, don’t they?”

“Oh.” Yusaku mumbled and he surprised himself by getting misty eyed at hearing that. The way he was holding onto the cat shaped chia pet changed, it now had a very treasured purpose to it. He couldn’t be flippant with such a precious gift now, could he?

Ryoken smiled, pleased with himself.

“I’m still getting my bearings with all of this. I apologise if we haven’t been on the best of terms but that’s not my intention. But you are important to Ryoken-sama and therefore, important to me. I had a prior infatuation with you but I don’t want that, I want something more stable than that for you since you are very serious about Ryoken-sama and his feelings, otherwise I doubt you would have bothered with making peace with me.” Spectre stiltedly explained.

“Thank you, Spectre, I appreciate your perspective,” Yusaku said, he knew the feeling well himself, he hadn’t wanted to let a similar idealisation of Ryoken get in the way either, he squeezed the little terracotta pot, “I’ll treasure them, I promise to take good care of them.”

“You better,” Spectre pouted, “I’ll be very cross with you if you don’t.”

Yusaku laughed and even Ryoken was amused but he did benevolently offer, “Stop teasing him, Spectre.” he said. “Why don’t we make dinner? I feel like lunch was ages ago now with all the shopping we did to prepare.”

“Fine by me.” Spectre relented.

Yusaku smiled and he petted the head of his cat-shaped chia pet. He was serious about taking good care of it and especially its friends, the goat and the hedgehog. He was looking forward to seeing them grow green and fuzzy with strands upon strands of sprouted chia. He would absolutely put his three, little pot plants in a place of honour, he wasn’t quite sure yet where that place of honour would be but he was going to find it. For now, he was quite drawn to allowing them to live at the end of his dining table as it did get a little bit of sunlight and was close to a source of water but he also wouldn’t mind putting them in his room, close to him always. Decisions, decisions but for now, he would simply get up and offer his assistance in the kitchen.

Yusaku piped up with a rather dreamy expression, “I want to help, too.”

“Good, it would be rude to make your guests do all your cooking after all.” Spectre sniped him.

“Very true.” Ryoken agreed.

Yusaku made an embarrassed noise but got up with both of his partners. It was strange but he could feel that something had shifted. He felt closer to Spectre and ergo, closer to Ryoken as well, given their bond. He hoped that meant for an end of the night with a kiss from them both as well as a delicious dinner that they all helped with. It made him oddly excited and both Ryoken and Spectre noticed and relished that slight adjustment, too. So, with a little bit of luck and care, maybe not too long into the future, they could try a chia pudding for dessert after another dinner at Yusaku’s place given that tonight had gone off without a seeming hitch.

#100ships challenge #saviorshipping #vrains saviorshipping #yugioh vrains #vrains #yugioh #fujiki yusaku #yusaku fujiki #kogami ryoken #ryoken kogami #spectre (vrains)#writing tag

7 notes · View notes

raguna-blade · 4 years ago

Text

So there’s plenty still a baking in the head space here as far as whatever interesting stuff is going down in Strikers (of note that’s quietly churning is the fact that the game is EXTREMELY similar to the original game series but just slightly tiny bit off in a bunch of ways which on one hand yes can be read as lazy and maybe even is, but on the other If i’m looking at stuff under the lens of intentional design choices the similarities and differences kinda start setting a lot of bells off in my head. Kudos for RGU for kinda beating that into my skull. Anyway), something I guess that I think is...Interesting?

Well yeah no it’s interesting and it’s plenty cheaty but I guess taking a gander at Kuon and then looking at Demiurge/Emma as her Shadow vs Sophia as her Persona of sorts is...An INTERESTING exercise, given Kuon doesn’t have a persona Explicitly.

Nor does she have a shadow. Now the metaverse isn’t like the World in the TV or The Midnight Hour, where you’re either a persona user, or you instantly convert to your shadow self, at least not that we’ve seen. Indeed, the evidence we have suggests that the Metaverse really can’t work like that, given that we’ve had 2 people enter and not instantly Shadow Out/Call up their persona (Although in the case of Zenkichi he absolutely DID summon his persona.)

But...Ok, so the argument is that Sophia is Kuon’s persona right? Demiurge her shadow. Not textually because they’re literally not, but functionally see?

Because both were created by her, and both function more or less exactly the same as a Persona and a Shadow. Where Demiurge tries to put away emotional thinking (and indeed by rights doesn’t seem to have any and any appeals to it functionally go “I understand the words you are saying but They’re irrelevant because FACTS and LOGIC dictate this is the best way forward) Sophia is earnestly trying to acquire that thinking because she already has the logic stuff down, but she understands that she doesn’t understand the emotional aspect and is trying to figure it out.

Which is precisely what they’re supposed to do! But the thing is Sophia (Gnostic) is basically the embodiment of wisdom. Enlightened wisdom, the kind of stuff that set’s your soul free beyond the bounds of just the material, the kind that basically set’s you to be a better person and become your best and truest self. Meanwhile the Demiurge (Gnostic) is basically a god who does wield absolute power in their field sure, but critically lacks knowledge of other spaces that should and would inform their field and arguably even lead to them doing a better job...Except that they explicitly reject those additional understandings because they believe they’re already there with what they do already have a perfect understanding of.

Which again, Straightforwardly what Sophia and Demiurge end up doing...Though on the wisdom front, it feels weird off hand to say that Sophia is Wise given that she doesn’t know jack about the heart right? But the thing there is that she RECOGNIZES that she doesn’t know anything there. She’s trying to gain that knowledge and hey that’s cool!

Sophia is, in a lot of ways, exactly the person that Kuon portrays herself to be. Bubbly, a bit stilted and awkward, but otherwise a sweet person who is TRYING to understand people and having a lot of trouble with it. She is, quite literally, a mask that Kuon wears to face the world in general attitude.

Demiurge however is all of urges thoughts and desires dialed up to a grotesque terrifying degree. Not just her faults, but her virtues too! I thouched on this ages ago with Chie from P4, but since a Shadow is all aspects of you including but especially the negative ones, hopped up to a terrifying degree, it has a tendency to paint even positive aspects as negative.

So...What are these aspects in Demiurge? Well, Consider Demiurge’s explicit objectives. They want to alleviate human suffering. They want to help people to make the best choices. They want to help people in general, and they further want to alleviate unnecessary suffering...Which are actually all extremely positive things, until you also have Kuon’s fundamental belief that she’s has a complete understanding of things to it’s absurd height (Pride is probably the correct word here) and then you have someone who want’s to help people but absolutely disregards anyone else that’s her.

Which ok...If that’s the case, and Sophia is functionally her persona (which thinking about it in this light paints the ending as a bit less bitter sweet) it also explains why she freaked out so terribly. Because sophia more or less exists as “Yeah I got this but there’s things that I do not understand properly” it critically clashes with several of Kuon’s virtues and faults at the same time. Sophia want’s to help, and she was designed to better understand the heart, but as a machine at the time (The point of Created Being’s becoming “real” is probably a whole other discussion considering that’s happened a few times now with things that aren’t “real” across the series) that basically pinged every single one of her trauma buttons. Here’s this doll asking her what a heart is when Kuon believes herself to be a doll trying to understand a heart. That’s looking in the mirror and seeing several things that you don’t want at the same time because that question is a bit too direct for her at the time. She can’t parse it nor can she really even respond to it, thus the freak out. Even acknowledging that she doesn’t know is too much because at this point she thinks she’s more or less Right about things in general (that she doesn’t have a heart at all).

That is, Sophia out and out saying “Hey you have a Heart, could you explain this to me?” was a moment of ENTIRELY too real for Kuon who was at the time Fully of the belief, at least surface wise, that she didn’t have a heart...And that basically caused her to have a YOU’RE NOT ME moment from P4, now that I think about it, leading to the creation of Demiurge.

...Which honestly, I kinda want to look at the game under that view whenever i go through it again. Sophia’s her own person it’s true, but if we take her as a stand in for Kuon suddenly a bunch of events in game not only start telling Kuon’s story well in advance but also reflect how badly things must have gone because fundamentally Kuon is a lonely and depressed person.

Off the top of my head Sophia

-Finds herself alone and abandoned

-Believes herself to be merely an AI/Machine

-Is told by those who theoretically would have a better understanding (emma) that she’s a failure in someway for the feelings and thoughts she does have

-Want’s desperately to understand the feelings of herself and others

Which are all things that agree with Kuon. Even Sophia’s fundamental awkwardness in expression, and general sweetness, actually jive with her because Kuon’s a wreck sure, but she’s also like...really nice? Again, her objectives really aren’t malicious in the slightest, even if she ultimately goes about them in the worst way.

#Persona 5s #Sophia #Kuon Ichinose #Emma #Demiurge #Spoilers #Shadows #Persona

11 notes · View notes

365days365movies · 4 years ago

Text

February 22, 2021: Pillow Talk (1959)(Part 1)

Y’know, I actually do like Doris Day.

She’s funny, she’s talented, and she’s a timeless beauty that I remember very well. TOO well. You guys ever have that one thing that your parents crammed down your throat SO MUCH that you got sick of it? Well, that’s what my Mom did with The Thrill of it All.

Which is, for the record, a cute movie, and one worth watching again at some point. But I’m gonna ease my way into that with Doris Day and Rock Hudson’s first movie, 1959′s Pillow Talk.

However, while I’m not stranger to Doris Day, I’m afraid that I don’t know too much about Rock Hudson from experience. Well, there is one interesting tidbit about him: Hudson was one of the biggest stars of the ‘50s and ‘60s, and his career continued up until his death in 1985...from AIDS-related complications.

Yeah, Rock Hudson was one of the biggest gay celebrities in Hollywood, although he never publicly came out. However, it was somewhat of an open secret in the community at large, and basically all of his female co-stars know about it.

And said secret was revealed posthumously, after his tragic death during the height of the AIDS crisis. He was by far one of the most high-profile deaths during this time period, and you’d think that would’ve caused more waves about the AIDS-crisis, considering that he was good friends with...well...another actor.

Yeaaaaaaaaah, not gonna get into Reagan and ALL OF THAT SHIT here. This here is a movie blog, not a political blog! But, uh, yeah, a LOT of fucked-up shit about Reagan and the AIDS crisis, obviously, and part of it was Rock Hudson. So, yeah, it’s something that I wanted to address before we got into this whole shindig.

Because, again, I’ve never seen a Rock Hudson movie, but dude was a pretty huge deal, and this was a part of his life that I felt it unfair not to at least acknowledge. SO, with that out of the way, let’s have a little Pillow Talk. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

youtube

We start with that might be one of my favorite opening sequences so far this month, which you can see above. From there, Jan Morrow (Doris Day) wakes up, humming the theme song from the credits, which is clever, considering that she sang it! Talented lady, seriously.

Jan wakes up and goes to the phone, intending to make a call. However, this is where we get a pretty stark cultural difference, and a needed history lesson for some of us, me included. See, Jan’s phone line is actually a party line, seen through this neat little visual edit.

See, this is what’s called a “party line”. From the 1870s onwards, there was a shortage of available phone lines. By the time you get to the ‘60s, more and more people had personal phones in their households, but without enough lines to go around. And so, some people were forced to share their phone lines with others, hence the party line system!

Here’s the thing, though: if somebody was on the line already, anyone else on that line could hear the conversation of other people. Which is exactly what’s pissing of Jan right now, as she needs to make a call, but the line is being used by her party line partner, songwriter Brad Allen, who’s serenading his girlfriend (?) Eileen (Valerie Allen). Not sure that they’re actually dating, but Eileen definitely wants to.

After Jan’s insistence, they get off the phone, and Jan’s able to begin her busy morning at last. Well...almost. Brad’s now talking to Yvette (Jacqueline Beer), and she wants him to sing HER song to her, which is LITERALLY just the Eileen song with a different name and in French! Which is...hilarious. It’s very funny, not gonna lie.

Once again, Jan tells him to get off the party line, and hangs up angrily. She leaves just as her cleaner woman, Alma (Thelma Ritter) arrives, fresh off of a hangover. Jan goes to try and get a line of her own, and the manager, Mr. Conrad (Hayden Rorke) makes a WEIRDLY sexist comment about jumping to the top of the list if she were pregnant. Which, yeah...weird.

Anyway, Jan, in her frustration, tells Mr. Conrad that she’s hired of sharing the line by a “sex maniac.” Mr. Conrad asks for specifics, and is AGAIN WEIRDLY SEXIST ABOUT IT. He asks if his dalliances with other women disturb her in particular. But yeah, he also says that if he is indeed a “sex maniac,” they may need to disconnect him altogether. Which has...uncomfortable undertones all on its own, but whatever, moving on.

On her way to work, Jan’s friend Jonathan Forbes (Tony Randall) shows up to bring her a STRAIGHT-UP CAR, holy shit! He’s doing so to thank her for decorating his offices (she’s an interior decorator, he’s a car dealership owner, so...fair exchange?). She insists that it’s too personal, which confuses him, as it isn’t perfume or lingerie.

But, uh, dude? IT’S A WHOLE-ASS CAR!!! Look, I’m with her on this one, don’t just give me a fuckin’ car out of the blue! I don’t care what the reason is, tell me that shit first! And Jonathan is CLEARLY trying to make it just a little more personal, if you get my meaning.

Jan finally arrives at her office, owned by Mr. Pierot (Marcel Dalio), and she tells him that an inspector has been sent to look after Mr. Allen. This inspector is Miss Dickenson (Karen Norris), and being of the wimmins, is immediately entranced by the apparently irresistible Mr. Allen, sabotaging any attempt at inspection.

The next morning, the inspector’s report comes through, and Miss Dickinson has of course cleared him of all charges. He calls her, and the two clash in a way that definitely means they’ll never, ever, ever fall in love, no sir, not these two, not a CHANCE IN HELL

They agree to make a schedule for using the phone, and Brad accuses Jan of being jealous of his free-wheeling, bed-hopping lifestyle, which she takes great offese to. But after they hang up, she thinks on the idea of having bedroom problems. Looks like Jonathan wants to fix that, on account of being the THIRSTIEST MAN ALIVE.

Dude has three three ex-wives, all of which were revolts against his mother, for which he’s seeing a psychiatrist.

...CHRIST, the man’s a walking-talking red flag. Jan also says that she doesn’t love him, like...AT THE FUCK ALL, and the man just straight-up says, “How do you know, we’ve never even kissed.” Ai which point, any normal person would see the phantom neckbeard and whip out the fuckin’ bear mace, but Jan just lets him lean in for the goddamn kiss!!!

Jan...standards, Jan. My God. Anyway, she still turns him down, he asks her to get married again, and she leaves. For God’s sakes, man. Anyway, she goes home, where Alma’s listening to Brad serenade a girl over the party line. Jan notes the time, and tells him to get off the line. He calls back, and tells her off.

Brad gets a visitor: his old college friend FUCKIN’ JONATHAN AGAIN. He bemoans being a millionaire (po’ babyyyyy), then reveals that he’s pining over Jan, whom he doesn’t know is the person on the party line with Brad. He hears a good amount of information about Jan from Jonathan.

After the conversation, Brad tries to somewhat reconcile with Jan, but she doesn’t have any interest in doing so. That night, the two have separate affairs. Brad meets up with a woman named Marie, and serenades her with the same goddamn song from earlier, that suave motherfucker. Dude flips a switch, and the door fuckin’ LOCKS! Jesus, state-of-the-art hook-up tech of 1959.

Meanwhile Jan is attending a dinner held by an extremely client, Mrs. Walters (Lee Patrick). Needing to get home, she has her son Tony (Nick Adams) give her a ride. But on the way home, they stop and WHAT THE FUCK TONY??? I actually can’t find a clip or GIF of this, so I’ll tell you...he is ALL THE FUCK OVER HER, and it’s GROSS. CAN WE PLEASE STOP SEMI-RAPING DORIS DAY? WHAT THE FUCK, IN NO WAY IS WHAT I JUST WATCHED OK, HOLY SHIT!!!!!

Like...wow, that was the most uncomfortable I’ve felt watching a movie in a WHILE. And it’s not even because of the act itself, it’s because of how...OK it feels in the context of the film. Jan is BARELY upset by this slimy little weasely-faced rapey CREEP LITERALLY ASSAULTING HER IN THE FUCKING CAR. And in case you were wondering, yes! This film was written by FOUR MEN.

This is gross. Sorry, but this whole sequence is gross, and it gets even LONGER, because she AGREES TO GO GET A DRINK WITH HIM. WHY, JAN? STOP ENCOURAGING THIS BEHAVIOR. He tries to get her drunk (but ends up drunk himself), but she tries to leave. However, who should be sitting one table but Brad, who realizes who this is. Jan tries to leave, but Tony tries to get her to dance with him, AND SHE ONCE AGAIN AGREES, JAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!

And its during this time of distress for Brad that, OF COURSE, he finds himself extremely attracted to her. And since he knows who she is, but she doesn’t know him, he decides to fake his identity. And there we go, we’ve got a creepy-ass one-sided relationship set-up.

Meanwhile, lightweight Tony passes out on the floor, drunk as shit. Brad goes into help, putting on a take Texas accent and calling himself Rex Stetson. And OF FUCKING COURSE, she’s lost in his fuckin’ eyes. Damn those eyes, and his suave bullshit.

They shove Tony into a cab, then take his car, which appears to be too small for Brad, which makes sense, given the fact that Hudson was 6′4″, goddamn! The two take a cab, and the two reveal their mutual attraction to the audience, through their inner thoughts. Looks like all Jan needed for a relationship was handsome-ass Rock Hudson.

In her thoughts, she thinks on how honest and down-to-earth Rex Stetson seems, unlike “monsters” like Tony and Brad Allen. And OF COURSE this is how we get this started. OF GODDAMN COURSE this is how we start this relationship. Liar revealed, LIAR REVEALED, I FUCKIN’ HATE THAT GODDAMN TROPE SO MUCH

Soon after “Rex” takes her home, he goes home herself, and gives her a call, inviting her to dinner the following night. She accepts. Then, in the middle of the call, Brad pretends to pick up the line as himself, in order to set up the two identities as being separate...this is reverse You’ve Got Mail, isn’t it?

Think about it. Two people that hate each other, and they’ve never seen one another, but also love each other after meeting in person. IT’S THE OPPOSITE OF YOU’VE GOT MAIL. Ugh. Fine. Even down to the fact that he has a sizeable advantage over her, due to his full knowledge of the situation. He even tries to use his identity as Brad Allen to set-up their date the next night for success.

And it works, goddamn. A clever yet manipulative asshole, this dude is. They get on a horse and carriage, and we hear the inner thoughts of Jan, Brad, and the dude who owns the horse. And, yeah...it’s funny. The two go to dinner, where Jonathan shortly arrives. Brad gets him out of there with...mildly fatphobic means, but it is the 1950s, so things were just kinda...entirely that.

But in any case, Brad gets away with it, and he and Jan spend a hell of a lot of time together going all around the city. And the whole time, he’s playing the role of “Rex.” Ugh. This is a good halfway point, so let’s go to Part 2 here! See you there!

#pillow talk #michael gordon #rock hudson #doris day #tony randall #thelma ritter #nick adams #romance february #user365 #365 movie challenge #365 movies 365 days #365 Days 365 Movies #365 movies a year #my gifs #mygifs #silverscreendames #old hollywood

9 notes · View notes

sunlightdances · 6 years ago

Text

Focal Point

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Prompt: “What’s with this…sassy lost child?” Rating/warnings: PG. Warnings for Bucky being a cocky idiot. Summary: You take PR photos for Pepper Potts and are semi-successfully navigating your giant, unavoidable crush on one James Buchanan Barnes. Author’s Note: This is for @kentuckybarnes’ 3k writing challenge! Congrats, Hannah, and thanks for hosting! As always, please don’t repost my work on any other sites (wattpad, ao3, etc.) without my permission. Reblogs are gold!

Links are broken - you can find my full Bucky master list on my blog! May not work for some mobile users. Sorry!

You’re standing off to one side as Bucky and Sam answer a few questions from the small crowd gathered, mostly kids and their parents. Sam, as always, is re-telling the PG events from their last mission with blistering enthusiasm, leaving Bucky shaking his head.

It doesn’t matter - the kids are eating it up. It’s times like this you really love your job. You’re… you don’t know what your official job title is, actually. There are days when you’re not even sure if you’re technically employed by Stark Industries, or The Avengers, or some other secret organization. All you know is that one day you showed up to volunteer at an event for Pepper Potts, and the next thing you know, you’re at all the events. You take photos, you help make sure they stick to schedule, and essentially make sure they’re in the right place at the right time. It’s public relations, but it doesn’t feel like that a lot of the time. They make you feel like you fit in, like you’re a friend.

This event in particular is your favorite - at a local children’s hospital, shaking hands and spending time with the kids. Pepper arranges it so the team can do it a few times a year if they can, and their visit is always anticipated by kids and their parents.

It’s anticipated by you, too, because-- you’re not dumb, these superheroes are somehow more attractive when they’re accompanied by small children.

Now, Bucky is crouched down next to a little girl, his eyes lighting up as she tells him a story, her arms flailing as she goes, and he nods and oohs and ahhs at all the appropriate points. It’s adorable, and you feel yourself blushing when he glances over and catches you staring. But really-- how else are you supposed to react? He winks, like he’s conspiring with you somehow, and it makes you feel… things. You turn away quickly before you look like an even bigger idiot.

You snap a few photos for parents and a few shots to send to Pepper, and then you’re all piling in the van to go back home, and you back to work. You have an office in the Avengers compound, which doubles as Stark Industries these days.

“Make sure you send me those photos of my good side,” Sam says from the backseat, and you smirk.

“Which side is that?” You ask, laughing when you hear Bucky and Steve’s reaction - a loud laugh from Steve and a surprised noise from Bucky.

“That was harsh. I don’t think I’ll ever recover.”

“Lucky for you, you don’t have a bad side, Sam.” The three of you are stupidly handsome, you think.

The rest of the ride back upstate is quiet. Bucky’s reading, Steve is scribbling in a well-worn journal, and Sam’s asleep. You flick through your camera, making mental notes about which photos to delete and which ones to edit and get back to Pepper.

Your thumb hovers over the delete button on a photo of Bucky and Sam, the two of them laughing about something. Bucky’s looking straight into the lens. It’s not something you’d use, normally, but you find yourself hesitating. It’s like he’s looking right at you.

Bucky clears his throat in the backseat, and when you look in the rearview mirror, he’s already looking at you. Shit. You fumble with your camera. Did he just see you staring at his photo like some lovesick teenager? You feel your face flushing with embarrassment.

Luckily, you’re saved by the arrival at the compound, and you practically leap out of the van and high tail it to your office.

“No goodbyes? Cold!” Sam calls, but you ignore him.

Safely inside, you shut the door behind you and sit back in your chair, eyes closing. “Jesus Christ,” you mutter to yourself, trying to regain your composure.

“Is everything alright? Your pulse is elevated.” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice rings out. Called out by the AI? Great. Not to mention if she realizes your pulse is elevated, there’s no way Bucky and Steve didn’t notice too.

“I’m fine, F.R.I.D.A.Y., thank you.”

Trying to relax, you log on to your computer and scroll through a few emails that came in while you were out, responding to a few, but deciding ultimately to start editing those photos.

When you get to the one of Bucky and Sam, you upload it, but delete it off the camera. Fidgeting, you open a new email.

Subject: Photos from Hospital Trip - attached Sergeant Barnes, Thought you might want this photo from the trip today. Won’t be using it for PR, so I attached a copy. I’ll send one to Sam, as well.

You hit ‘send’ before you can talk yourself out of it, and get busy editing so you’re not tempted to stare at your inbox all day.

The next day, a knock at your office door breaks your concentration, and you peer at the door overtop your reading glasses.

“Is this a bad time?”

Bucky.

“Oh, no, it’s fine, come in.” You stand and start to clear some paperwork from your desk, shoving everything in a drawer in an attempt to look like you’ve got it together. “What can I do for you?”

“I wanted to see the other pictures from the hospital trip, if that’s okay.” He scratches the back of his neck, smiling. “The one you sent was… good. You mentioned if I wanted copies…”

“Sure, yeah. I can pull them up…” you slide back into your desk chair, fingers flying over your keyboard. “I just finished editing them this morning. Any in particular?”

“Just want to see whatever you’ve got, if that’s okay.”

You realize what a predicament you’re in when he comes around your desk to peer at the screen, his large frame taking up more space than you’re prepared for. He’s close. He also smells really good, like clean laundry, and something woodsy… you clear your throat, pulling up the photos he wants to see.

“These are really good,” he murmurs, and you can just tell that he’s smiling.

You open your mouth to say something flirty, you hope, but you’re interrupted by F.R.I.D.A.Y.

“Sergeant Barnes? There’s a visitor waiting for you in the lobby.”

You can practically feel him tense up. Everyone he knows lives here.

“Who is it?”

“She says you met at the hospital, sir. Allison Smith?”

Bucky’s face screws up in confusion. He looks down at you. “I better go see what this is about.” He pauses, halfway to the door. “Thanks again,” he says, a slow, devastating smile stretching across his face. You feel your heart rate speed up again, and curse him under your breath when he leaves.

He’s definitely under your skin, and you just wish he wasn’t so… stupidly handsome. Maybe then you’d be able to just treat him like another coworker.

A few hours later, you’re in the common area looking for Pepper. You need her to sign off on a few marketing proposals, and want to ask her about the photos from the hospital trip. When you get to the sitting area, you’re struck by the sight of a small girl sitting there, a stuffed animal in her lap.

“Um.” You say out loud, not really expecting an answer.

“Who are you?” She asks loudly.

“Who am I?” You sputter, “I should be asking you that.”

“Do you have super powers?”

You blink. “What? No. I’m--”

“You’re just normal, then?” She asks, deadpan.

You open your mouth to reply but then Bucky and Steve come into the room, both with furrowed brows and slightly wide eyes. They look a little shell shocked. You’d laugh if you weren’t so confused.

“What’s with this…sassy lost child?”

“She ran away from home. I guess she hit it off with Bucky yesterday while we visited with her sister at the hospital, and wanted to come see him.” Steve says, and you watch as Bucky goes to sit next to the small girl, asking her something in a low, gentle voice.

“How did she get here?”

“Stole some money from her Mom’s purse and took a cab,” Steve scowls, but there’s a hint of amusement in his eyes. “Gotta give it to her, she’s got guts.”

Bucky, meanwhile, is showing the girl something on his tablet, the sound turned down but whatever it is makes her laugh. You can’t help but smile. Honestly… it’s like the universe is engineering these moments to force you to realize how attractive you find him.

“Her name is Allison.” Steve smiles, despite himself. “Her parents are on their way, but they live in the city. It’s going to be a little while. Any chance you can help keep her occupied?”

You snort. “I don’t know, she wasn’t very impressed with me.

Almost as if on cue, you feel someone tugging on your pant leg. “Excuse me? Mr. Bucky says you have a camera. A big one. Can I see it?”

You look over at Bucky, who shrugs.

“Sure thing,” You crouch down, “I might even know where we can get some candy, too.”

Allison’s eyes light up, her small hand gripping yours. You straighten up, deciding to throw caution to the wind. “Coming, Sergeant?” You ask, and Bucky’s eyes flash with… something, before he nods.

“Sure. Can’t leave my best girl alone, can I?” He asks, coming over to take Allison’s other hand.

You swallow hard, and the three of you start walking towards the elevators.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. will let you know when her parents are here,” Steve calls, and Bucky waves his free hand over his head in acknowledgement.

The three of you make quite the sight walking through the halls of the compound, both holding hands with the small girl, who keeps chattering away, telling you both about her class at school.

You meet Bucky’s eyes over top of Allison’s head, and he raises his eyebrows as he smiles. You smile and duck your head, trying to figure out how you’re supposed to get through this day without turning into a literal puddle on the floor at Bucky’s feet.

In your office, Bucky takes up his spot by the door, sitting on the arm of a chair, arms crossed over his chest. Allison practically drags you to your desk, where your camera is sitting out.

You stand behind her to help her put the strap around her neck and show her how to look through the viewfinder. She giggles when Bucky makes a face at her when she aims the camera in his direction before snapping a photo. The sound is apparently satisfying, because she takes five more, and you step back, letting her do it on her own.

After an hour or so, she gets bored, and starts asking Bucky about his arm. At first you’re worried he might shut down, but he does the opposite. He gets down to her level and starts making up some grand story about how he got it, winking at you when he conveniently glosses over a lot of the details you know to be true.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. interrupts after a bit, letting you know that Allison’s parents are downstairs. The girl looks distraught.

“I’m gonna be in trouble!” She says, eyes welling up.

“I think we can work something out,” Bucky assures her, sweeping her up in his arms and tickling her sides as he pulls her over his shoulder. Her laugh is loud and bright, and you grin as you follow them out of the room and down to the elevator.

Steve is already there talking to Allison’s parents when you get to the lobby, Bucky holding Allison’s hand as you follow behind.

“I don’t want to go home,” She says sadly.

Bucky kneels down in front of her. “You can come visit whenever you want, okay? Just make sure your parents come with you next time.”

She nods. “Okay. Thank you, Mr. Bucky.” She looks up at you. “Will you be here next time I come, too?”

You’re a little surprised she even cares, considering what a big crush on Bucky she has. “If you want me to be, sure. I’ll let you help me take more pictures.”

She grins, giving Bucky one last hug before scampering over to her parents, who look equal parts upset and relieved to see her. After they leave, Steve heads off to who knows where, and you find yourself back in the elevator with Bucky.

You feel fidgety, like you don’t know what to say. You also feel like the air between you is charged, and it’s making you nervous.

“You were good with her,” you say finally, not able to stand the silence anymore.

He smiles softly. “I like her. She reminds me…” he trails off, shaking his head. “She reminds me of my kid sister.”

The smile on your face fades. He notices, and reassures you. “It’s okay.” He swallows, looks away for a moment. “You were good with her too. She liked you.”

You blush, “It helps when you have a camera.”

He scratches his beard. “She’s not the only one who likes you, you know?”

Before you can even formulate a response other than what is happening right now, the doors open, signalling your floor. He gestures for you to walk out ahead of him, and the rest of the walk to your office is silent. You think he can’t possibly have meant what you want him to mean. What reason would he have for liking you?

You’re moving around your desk trying desperately to put space between the two of you before he can say anything. “So, I’ll send you copies of those photos, and some of the ones Allison took today, if you want. If not, I’ll just--”

“Hey,” he says gently, coming up closer to you. “Hang on. If I was out of line back there, I’m sorry.”

Your brain is short circuiting. “No! No, you werent, I--” You’re flustered, unable to get your words out. All you know is you can’t let him leave. You stop yourself, briefly closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. “I like you. I do, but you make me so nervous.”

Bucky has the most smug smile on his face when you open your eyes. “Yeah?”

You roll your eyes. “Oh, god. Don’t let it go to your head.”

“I’ll try not to,” he says, smiling, his eyes intense on yours. “Any chance you’re free for dinner tonight?”

“I could probably pencil you in somewhere.”

A surprised laugh escapes him as he takes a few steps backwards out of your office, pointing at you. “Oh, you’re good. Yeah, see if you can make room for a recovering amnesiac to go out to dinner with a pretty girl, will you?”

Your mouth falls open. “Bucky! That’s not funny!”

He’s still grinning. “It was a little funny.”

“You’re… you’re so…”

He changes course, coming a few steps closer to you. “Go on…” His eyes are practically smoldering.

You blush furiously, trying not to keep smiling like a total idiot. This man just… god, he has a way of making you feel like a teenager again.

“I don’t have plans tonight.” You tell him.

Triumphantly, he claps his hands together. “Perfect how that worked out.”

“Uh huh.”

One more step closer.

“For the record, I’ve been trying to ask you out for weeks. You make me a little nervous, too.”

His voice is like honey poured over gravel. Smooth but rough at the same time. You think you’d listen to him read the phone book.

“Glad we’re on the same page, then.”

He hums in agreement, but whatever he was about to say next is interrupted by F.R.I.D.A.Y. saying he’s late for training with Natasha.

“Does seven work for you?” He asks.

“I suppose it does.”

He laughs again, the sound music to your ears. “Trouble. I should have known you’d be trouble.” He backs out of the room again. “I’ll see you at seven.”

You almost collapse into your desk chair when he leaves, struggling to keep your heart from beating its way right out of your chest. God. You have a date tonight. A date with Bucky Barnes.

Your computer still has that shot of Bucky and Sam pulled up, the one where he’s looking straight into the lens, and you can’t help the butterflies that start up in your stomach. You glance at your watch and suddenly can’t wait for seven o’clock to arrive.

#hannahs3kwritingchallenge #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes imagine

721 notes · View notes

littlev1234 · 5 years ago

Text

PopSocket

Fandom: Carole & Tuesday

Pairing: Carole/Tuesday

Words: 1,764

AO3 Version: PopSocket

Note: So at first I thought the present Carole gave Tuesday was a PopSocket, and I got a lot of cute ideas for that concept. Thus this fic was born.

~~~~~

“It’s way past your birthday, and, well, you can see the state it’s in, but…”

Despite the wrapping paper’s scuffs and tears, Carole’s fingers are gentle as she unwraps the little box. Tuesday’s heart thuds faster, and it is somehow louder in her ears than when she’d been sprinting to the train minutes ago.

Carole opens the box flaps and pulls out a tiny replica of Tuesday’s Gibson guitar. Its stunning details gleam in the light, and attached underneath is a circular piece of plastic.

Blue eyes shine with building tears. This gift had gone through so much. Carole had gone through so much, for her, for their friendship.

At her mother’s home, Tuesday had many pretty trinkets decorating the bedroom, but they were just that: decorations. Meant to fill the space, and devoid of meaning. The guitar PopSocket is the very opposite of that. Her guitar is an extension of herself, and music is how they met. Having a miniature version of it that the brunette had carried with her through thick and thin—it has infinitely more value than just its store price.

In the end, no water spills down her cheeks; instead, a smile blooms across her face. “Thank you.”

As they discuss what to sing for the competition, the blonde carefully sticks the PopSocket to the back of her phone. When she looks up, she catches Carole watching her before the keyboardist quickly glances out the window.

“Ugh, I could sleep forever,” Carole groans and plops onto the nearest bench. Legs weary, Tuesday sits down beside her and releases a long breath. Today was a busy day. Last-minute shopping, apartment chores (that they’d been neglecting for a tad too long), rehearsals.

They should head home soon, but having a breather is too tempting right now.

While the taller girl rests her head against the bench back, Tuesday pulls the tie out of her hair and shakes out the wavy tresses. Then she sits back too. Her body aches with exhaustion, but her mind remains active as she glances around.

The river slides quietly by in the distance. Among the bustle of city life, she hears snippets of conversations between people and obedient noises from AI. She tunes into the familiar background noise for a while. Eventually she looks at Carole again.

The other had fallen asleep. Eyes closed, she breathes deeply through her slightly parted mouth.

Considering Carole had to clean up half of Tuesday’s attempts to clean the apartment, it is no wonder she’s more tired. She deserves a few minutes of rest.

The blonde reaches into her purse and retrieves her phone. Ignoring the screen, she turns the device around and traces the mini Gibson’s edges with a calloused finger.

She starts opening and folding the accordion part of the PopSocket. Its mindless amusement entertains her until Carole shifts, and suddenly there is a hand lying on Tuesday’s thigh.

Emitting a soft squeak, Tuesday tenses. Her eyes shoot up to her friend’s face. The other is clearly still asleep, if the snoring is any indication. Thankfully, Carole moves again, and her hand ends up on the bench between them.

She waits until her warm face has cooled down to wake her companion.

Chest-rattling coughs wake Tuesday from her nap. Bundled under two blankets, she huddles further into her cocoon and grimaces at the drying sweat stuck to her skin. A wet rag slides off her forehead. She has to breath in through her mouth; God, the things she would do for a clear nose.

She strains her ears for signs of Carole. Finding none, she searches for her phone and finds it tangled between the sheets. She checks the time.

It’s mid-afternoon. Where is Carole? Her foggy brain takes a moment to remember the answer. Right, she said something about going to the laundromat.

It’s silly, and maybe childish, but she suddenly wishes her friend (crush?) would show up through the door right now. Her mother did always say she became clingy when sick. (“Just rest, Tuesday, and you’ll be fine by yourself. You’re not going to have someone to take care of you forever, so it’s best to get over it now. I won’t coddle you.”)

She could call for Ziggy, but the owl clock just doesn’t feel like enough.

Shame curls in her empty stomach. Her gaze strays to the PopSocket. She runs her thumb over and over the high-quality plastic, and she finds an odd comfort in its smooth texture.

Carole will be back soon, Tuesday reminds herself. She holds her phone against her chest and lets sleep overtake her once more.

Tuesday opens the PopSocket so she can lay the phone on its side. After going to the camera app and putting it in selfie mode, she scrutinizes her appearance. Is she wearing too much lip gloss? Is her blouse too fancy for this restaurant? Oh, there are some hairs out of place!

She hurriedly runs her fingers through golden locks. Despite her nervousness, she wears an excited smile that won’t leave. Any minute now Carole will walk through the doors, and their first official date could begin.

As she smooths down her bangs, her mind runs through various scenarios. Pulling out the chair for Carole, holding hands under the table, giggling over gossip, recalling fond memories, sharing a milkshake—

“Tuesday!”

The blonde startles out of her imagination and spots Carole approaching. Her mouth turns dry.

Carole is beautiful. Always is, but now Tuesday can finally say it without holding anything back.

The house feels bigger than she remembers. At first she stands by the doorway, as if she is merely a guest, and then she migrates to the dining room table. The security AI greet her; their metallic voices seem to echo in the quiet.

She hasn’t been back here in two years. After the elections, her mother hardly spoke to her. When they did speak, it was cordial, if strained. Valerie had at least acknowledged her independence and genuine drive for music.

However, there are still things unsaid, things Tuesday needs her mother to know. So she pushed herself into returning here. According to the AI, a meeting Valerie is in is going overtime, which means it will be a while before she arrives.

Antsy, she can handle sitting only for a few minutes before standing. She wanders through the first floor briefly and then heads to the second.

The door to her old bedroom opens without a sound. Everything looks just as she left it; someone had even been regularly dusting. The bed shows not a crease, and no smudges blur the dresser mirror’s surface. Stuffed toys rest on the bed. Her gaze lingers longest on her old, filled notebooks stuffed at the end of her bookshelf.

…she wants to look at what’s written inside them, but not today.

Sitting on the bed, she focuses on keeping her breaths even. She reaches into her purse and presses her fingers against the little guitar on her phone. Whatever happens today, she has a home to go back to.

Footsteps approach. Not clicking heels or sturdy flats, but the soft press of loafers.

“Spencer!” she greets as her brother enters the room.

“I have some things to talk to her about too, so I hope you don’t mind me waiting with you.” He crosses the room to sit in her desk chair, and they chat the minutes away. She reminds herself to invite Spencer over to her and Carole’s apartment sometime.

Roddy leans over the table to hand Tuesday’s phone back. “There you go. Some of your apps kept running even when they were closed, so I fixed some settings. Your phone’s battery should last longer now.”

“Thanks.” She makes sure to accept it with her right hand; her other fingers are still wet with pizza grease. Carole hands her a napkin, which she gratefully accepts. Meanwhile, Gus slouches further in his chair and rubs his full stomach.

“You’ve had that PopSocket for a while, haven’t you?” Roddy casually notes.

Tuesday nods. Regardless of how well she took care of it, it was inevitable that it would be nicked and lose its luster. “Carole gave it to me right before the Mars Brightest finale.”

Carole leans against her girlfriend’s shoulder to examine the little guitar. “I should get you a new one. It’s looking pretty beat up.”

The blond hums, neither agreeing or disagreeing. Logically she should get another one, and she doesn’t need it to feel connected to Carole anymore. But the sentiment behind it makes it hard to let go of.

Gus sighs with a nostalgic smile on his face. “To think, only a few years ago you two were nobodies. I did a pretty great job, if I do say so myself.”

“I helped. A lot, actually, considering I work for Ertegun too,” Roddy mutters.

“Girls, look behind you. That’s a nice sunset,” Gus abruptly remarks.

The young adults turn to look out the floor-to-ceiling windows. Between buildings, bold oranges and soft pinks saturate the sky.

“It’s pretty,” Tuesday comments.

“Yeah…it is a pretty sight,” Carole agrees.

When the guitarist turns, she notices the brunette is watching her instead of the sky. Warmth spreads through Tuesday’s chest.

Carole takes her phone and opens the PopSocket. “Let’s take a selfie, Tues.”

Thanks to the guitar attachment, it’s easier to hold the phone up without it slipping. The sunset beyond the restaurant’s windows makes a lovely backdrop to their smiling profiles.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

Instead of taking the photo immediately, Carole turns her head and kisses her on the cheek. Tuesday’s mouth opens in surprise. Click.

“Carole!”

Her girlfriend wears a toothy grin as she shows the selfie to her. “It’s cute! You’re so adorable when you’re surprised.” She stands and heads over to the other side of the table, where Gus and Roddy had watched the proceedings with fond looks. “Don’t worry, we’re not leaving you guys out. Let’s all take a selfie together.”

“That’s all right, I’m terrible in pictures…” Roddy attempts to dismiss, but the phone is thrust in front of him anyway.

“I’m tallest, so I’ll take the picture,” Gus offers, and she hands it to him.

Tuesday glances at the PopSocket between his fingers. It has served her well throughout her journey, and even if she doesn’t have it for much longer, she will never forget that day on the train. She walks over to the others, squeezes herself between Roddy and Carole, and tries to stifle a laugh as Gus struggles to take a non-blurry selfie.

#carole & tuesday #carole x tuesday #tuesday simmons #carole stanley #my fics #fanfiction

55 notes · View notes

sdra2writer-imaginesandhcs · 6 years ago

Note

Can I request a one-shot of Utsuro and Akane? And maybe some headcanons too if that's alright 😅

Here ya go anon! Sorry if it took awhile and if it’s a bit too short. I just have a busy schedule irl and because I was researching more about the characters of dra. So, I hope you like this!

Some chapter 6 spoilers from DRA and chapter 5 spoilers from SDRA2 will appear in this one-shot.

I’ll always be by your side, master(Utsuro and Akane)

“Master Utsuro!” Akane chirped to her master. Her master was just siting in a chair behind a desk while reading a book in his hands.

“Hm?” He raises his eyebrow as Akane skipped in front of his desk, holding a black and white teddy bear.

“And what is that?” Utsuro asks coldly.

A wide smile appears on Akane’s face as she places the bear on the table, “I present to you my newest creation! Monokuma!”

Confused with why she was so happy with a teddy bear, he asks, “And what’s exciting about a stuff toy?”

Akane continues explaining her creation, “He’s actually gonna play a huge part in our plan. He’ll be playing as the headmaster, who will be presumed as the mastermind, while we play as the oblivious ultimate students”

Utsuro still has more questions to ask, “And how does it work?”

“It’s like an AI! It’s programmed to do things on its own without any controller” she answers his question enthusiastically, hoping that she would get an approval from her master.

Utsuro thought for a moment. This thing can be very useful if they wanna succeed their plan. Everyone in the game will avert their attention to the robotic bear while him and Akane can continue their work without anyone noticing.

“This can work”he simply approves Akane’s work.

Akane jumped in happiness as she heard her master agree to her suggestion, “I’m so happy you agree master!”

“By the way” Utsuro called her out before she leaves the room, “Nice work. Glad that you’re on my side” he acknowledges her keeping his serious and emotionless voice and expression.

This just made Akane’s day much better than the nights she pulled off just to work on the Monokuma robot, “Of course! I’ll always stay by your side ‘till the end of the world, master”

*******************************************

Their plan worked. The whole world is covered in despair, and Hope’s Peak Academy is about to go to its downfall.

But there was gonna be consequences to their actions. They’re all gonna die if they stay their longer, but rather die so they can finally live in what they hope for, despair. They don’t need to be here anymore now that their life long plan is finished.

The three surviving ultimates found their way outside the crumbling school. Meanwhile, Akane drags herself to Utsuro’s body. She didn’t want to leave him. She made a promise to him that she will be with him ‘till the end of the word.

Akane hugs Utsuro’s waist as the building collapse into the water. This is it. This is where her life will end, but she doesn’t care, as long as she’s with her master, then she’s happy to die.

At least that’s what she thought, but Utsuro had other plans for her before his death.

Okay! Now, here comes the headcannons!

-Akane is like a chatterbox when around Utsuro.

-she likes to rant about her day, maybe even her life to him.

-Sometimes, he listens. Sometimes, he just looks like he’s listening but in reality, he’s not.

-Akane brings Utsuro to places that interests her. Amusement parks, picnics, movies, and etc.

-and the good thing about it is that Utsuro doesn’t give a fuck about where the heck he’s going.

-Akane loves wacky selfies and silly dress-ups. I tell you that she still acts like an 8-year-old.

-She even dresses up Utsuro with a tiara and she snaps photos of the two of them together while doing the peace sign and some weird expressions.

-How the hell does Utsuro not give a fuck about anything?! These photos are literally in social-media. It might even go viral.

-In the killing game, the reason why Utsuro or “Yuki Maeda” likes to hang out with Akane often because he wants to check if the hypnotising method affected Akane too much because he doesn’t want her to forget about him and their past.

-Akane is the first person he relied on the most because of how loyal she is to him.

-Utsuro actually cares about Akane. It’s just that he doesn’t want to lose his serious and God-like personality and posture,

-They both respect each other’s powers and personalities, which makes them a cute team.

#dra #danganronpa another despair academy #akane taira #utsuro #taira akane #yuki maeda #dont know what more to tag

40 notes · View notes

anneapocalypse · 6 years ago

Text

Anne watches MCU: Captain America through Age of Ultron

My trek through the Marvel Cinematic Universe has continued but I really slacked off on making posts about it after the first, uh, three, so here's a catch-up post!

And as a note, I am watching the films in release order, but for simplicity's sake I'm grouping some origins and sequels together here.

Spoilers for everything through Ultron, as well as some mentions of Civil War and Captain Marvel.

Crossposted from dreamwidth.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) & The Winter Soldier (2014)

Captain America to me marks a turning point in the MCU, the moment when these films reach a level of sincerity and groundedness that will become a standard in superhero films. And as such, the Captain America series is one of my favorites within the Marvel universe. World War II has also long been an interest of mine, so it's no surprise that I enjoyed the first film so much.

And when Steve reawakens in the modern day and becomes one of the Avengers, carrying on the ideals that made him who he is, I love that too. I would say Winter Soldier is as much an Avengers movie as it is a Captain America movie (the same has been said of Civil War) because once Cap enters the present day, you can't really have Cap without the Avengers.

In the hindsight of having recently seen Civil War, think this is partly because Steve, more than any other Avenger, is defined by his relationships to other people. His friendships, his rivalries, his loyalties—these are what make Steve Rogers who he is, both in the past and in the present. Steve's whole life is shaped by his friendship with Bucky Barnes. His first thought upon waking up in another time is not of the world he has lost but the people he has lost. And his new friendship with Sam Wilson is easily one of the most delightful moments in The Winter Soldier.

I will say that my primary disappointment with The Winter Soldier was that it wasn't really an origin story for Bucky Barnes. There is not a lot of character development for Bucky himself—it is still very much Steve's story. But the focus is again on Steve's relationship with his old friend, and his refusal to give up on Bucky ultimately saves them both.

And I think that focus on relationships is also what makes Captain America a favorite for me.

The Avengers (2012)

I really wish I had written about this movie when I first watched it, because my memory of it is now very much colored by having seen Age of Ultron and Civil War since. Attempting to set that aside, I did enjoy this movie when I watched it, though not quite as much as I enjoyed Captain America.

The Avengers is absolutely not a standalone film. This is definitely the point at which the MCU truly becomes a shared universe, and the origin stories we've had so far are really not optional for understanding these character dynamics.

The tension between Steve and Tony does make sense, both for the characters themselves and as a kind of meta commentary on the evolution of the Marvel universe: Tony Stark's layers of defensive irony set against Steve Rogers' straightforward sincerity.

There are other character beats that work for me in this movie as well. We get the best character development for Natasha, given that she doesn't get her own movie. (CRIMINAL.) That she successfully plays Loki, out-tricks the Trickster, is a truly beautiful moment. Ruffalo's Bruce Banner establishes pretty clearly that he is not Ed Norton's Bruce Banner. And Tony/Pepper manages to grow on me a little bit.

Loki as a villain is... okay. I think it's pretty clear by the end that his plan was never really about dominating Earth, but about causing chaos—which he does, pretty successfully, and in the hindsight of Civil War, said chaos has some far-reaching effects. That part works for me. On the flip side, I really hate mind-control MacGuffins; I think they're a lazy means of getting characters to do whatever the plot requires without having to justify the characterization in any way or deal with the aftereffects, and in my opinion Marvel overuses this trope to death.

Hawkeye as a character is absolutely wasted in this movie, as we have no idea who he is before he is controlled by space magic.

This ties into a larger issue with the Avengers series that, again, feels much more prominent after seeing Civil War: the Avengers aren't a team. Not really. They're a group of solo superheroes attempting to work together. This would be fine for a first Avengers film if the plot were about building them from a group of loners into a real team. But this film isn't about that. It's about dividing them before we've really seen them united. We are told, and not shown, that Natasha and Clint are close friends; beyond that, who on this supposed team actually have a reason to care about one another? And by the end, what has this film really accomplished in terms of building a rapport and making the Avengers feel like a team?

I think the fact that they end the film sitting around a table eating shawarma in stone cold silence says it all.

Iron Man 3 (2013)

The third Iron Man movie begins to bring Tony Stark a little more in line tonally with the other Avengers. Tony loses none of his distinctive character, but his experiences are treated more seriously in this film, with Tony suffering from PTSD. It also explores how the events of Thor and The Avengers have challenged Tony's arrogance as a former lone-wolf superhero driven by technology and his own extreme wealth.

By this movie I'm pretty well over Tony/Pepper. Pepper loves Tony, she cares about him—but she never seems happy with him, only constantly stressed, and as a viewer who loves Pepper, it's honestly not fun to watch. This is something I think Nolan's Batman series better understood; there's a reason Rachel doesn't wait for Bruce. The genius billionaire superhero is a terrible boyfriend. Marvel, unfortunately, doesn't really want to acknowledge that. For Pepper to be happy with Tony, Tony needs to change, and Marvel doesn't really want to change Tony. For Pepper to leave Tony means the hero doesn't get the girl, and Marvel doesn't want that either. So we're left with this tiring, unsatisfying relationship, and I'm super over it.

To add insult to injury, Pepper gets superpowers and doesn't even get to keep them.

The MCU has a Women Problem, and it's really, really obvious in this film. I do like parts of it very much; it's undeniably enjoyable to watch, and I like a lot of what it does with Tony. But it's also representative of some of the cracks in the Marvel fresco as a whole.

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Darcy is the most fun character in the Thor movies at this point, and to be honest I kinda like her more than Jane.

The Dark World is another fish-out-of-water story, only this time it's Jane that's the fish. I didn't hate this movie, but it didn't make a huge impression on me, as evidenced by the fact that I can't find any notes for it. :P I enjoyed the stinger of Loki being alive at the end (I knew he was going to be, but it was still fun to watch), and I was pissed they killed Frigga (one of my favorite characters in the Odin family).

And once again, we have a female character infused with a force of tremendous power and she isn't even allowed to keep it. Are we noticing a pattern here, whereby with men, superpowers are celebrated no matter what kind of horror they went through to get them or even how much they hate themselves for having them (hello, Bruce Banner), but for women, superpowers are a horrible curse they need to be rescued from?

Yeah, Marvel has a women problem. NEXT!

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) & Guardians of the Galaxy 2 (2017)

Along with Captain America, Guardians is tied for my favorite series within the MCU. It is unapologetically fun, yet still sincere in its own way, striking a fresh and unique tone for the MCU.

These two movies are excellent and in my opinion, do a much better job of showing a band of loners becoming a team and building a rapport and learning to trust one another than Avengers did.

There is no character among the Guardians I don't love, and the restraint with which Quill and Gamora's relationship is handled (in that they build a friendship, rather than making Gamora Peter's prize for becoming the hero) is damn refreshing. Drax is simultaneously hilarious and sincere—in fact his humor comes from his innate sincerity. Rocket Raccoon exemplifies the kind of insecurities all the characters must overcome to work together. And both Gamora and Peter show self-reflection and growth in the second film, Peter by facing down his own ego, Gamora by acknowledging what her sister Nebula went through without denying her own suffering.

These films, especially 2, are all about relationships, including complicated and troubled relationships, and that's probably why I love them.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

Age of Ultron was a weird watch for me.

There were things I liked about it a lot, Natasha's relationship with the Hulk and Clint finally getting some long-overdue character development especially. And yet I came away from this movie feeling more tired than anything else. There were some good character moments, but the story did nothing for me.

Most of all, though, I think my exhaustion stems from how deeply formulaic the Marvel films have become at this point. They're just really, really predictable. I'm already tired of AI-centric plots not thinking of anything more creative to do with their premise than "It tries to wipe out humanity/take over the world I guess." This story feels utterly phoned in.

And even in terms of relationships, this film doesn't really hold up. For one thing, the whole setup of the film is the continued tension between the Avengers, most prominently Steve and Tony, which has never really been resolved. Tony going rogue and activating Ultron isn't so much a betrayal of an established trust as it is simply highlighting the fact that there isn't any.

Meanwhile, Natasha and Bruce are bungled... badly. Much has been said about the conversation in which Natasha seems to be saying that being infertile makes her a monster. A generous reading can attribute this to bad dialogue, appearing to frame the "monster" remark around Natasha's infertility when she is meant to be remarking on the fact that her greatest strength is as a highly efficient killer. But in light of Marvel's Women Problem, that reading really isn't any better. In some ways it's just as bad or worse, as it once again frames power in a woman as a curse rather than a gift. Either way, it's not really a valid comparison to Bruce's specific angst, which is unique to him: he is possessed by a power he not only never wanted, but cannot control.

(No wonder people are confused when Carol Danvers doesn't have to be brutalized to become powerful, or hate herself for being so. It breaks the rules. And thank the gods for it.)

One bright spot in this film is the introduction of Wanda Maximoff, the most powerful heroine we've yet seen in the MCU. Vision, by contrast, feels like a fairly pointless character to me. I feel like everything he did could've been done by someone else, and he's only here because he's in the comics.

I’ve also watched both Ant-Man and Civil War this week, and took copious notes this time, so expect posts for those films soon.

#anne watches mcu

6 notes · View notes

joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 6 years ago

Video

youtube

Well, Mother’s Basement’s Alicization video is finally here. Glad he gave it more of a serious critical look than Digibro attempted. It’s probably his best SAO video yet in so far as it does go pretty in depth with the entire series and he never resorts to attacking its fans or Kawahara, in fact the video opens on a cold apology for that sort of behaviour in his earlier SAO videos, which is nice. Even if I do largely agree with the opinions about the SAO products he expresses in those videos (off the top of my head anyway) I still think the attacks on Kawahara and the show’s fans kinda bog down the rest of those videos and are generally unwarranted anyway.

With regards to the actual criticisms he levies towards Alicization this time around, I can’t even pretend to disagree with most of them. He brings up a lot of problems I did notice and judges them exactly as I would, and he also brought up a great deal of problems that I never noticed on my first time around. Like for example, some of the plotholes. Plotholes don’t inherently break a work but Geoff manages to be clear about the ways in which plotholes do and don’t affect this work and its characters significantly. For example he brings up the plothole that Rath’s entire motives for creating bottom-down AI don’t make any sense and stuff and while I can’t argue against that, he does acknowledge that that’s mostly just an excuse to have the setting be Underworld, and so he moves on with little else said. And like yeah I’m okay with that. Meanwhile the plothole that Fanatio fights for feminism in a world with literally no gender discrimination is something that breaks her entire character so he rightfully makes a big deal out of it and I can agree with that.

There were random criticisms throughout the video that I didn’t fully agree with or didn’t feel like he was too fair in how he treated some problems, but to be honest my main issue with this review is what he didn’t talk about. He barely covers Eugeo, for example. He states that he makes Kirito look good in so far as Kirito gets to have fresh interactions with someone, and I agree with that, and he states that Eugeo has the most personality of and is the most developed SAO character, which I can kinda agree with (still not sure how I’d compare him to Yuuki tbh) but then he says Eugeo’s still only about as good as a supporting character in another work and then, never elaborates on that. He barely goes in on Eugeo’s character in any meaningful way outside of that, and the last few episodes of the show including the in my opinion very important Admin-rapes-Eugeo scene are just entirely glossed over as he rushes through a synopsis to take his usual (though admittedly often agreeable) potshots at certain elements of said finale. And I don’t know, that bothers me. Like if the video has to be another half hour long like I wouldn’t mind, I’d prefer that if it meant he explored some elements in greater depth.

The single biggest takeaway I got from this video though (other than that there are some plotholes I didn’t notice) was his like, final criticism, and that’s that Eugeo dies without ever getting to interact with Integrity Knight Alice, and fuck that’s a really good point. Maybe that’s why I felt so positively that he’d be revived, because his character arc isn’t complete whatsoever. Eugeo’s driving force is to rescue Alice and yet he never even gets to talk to the new Alice, and since the show doesn’t draw attention to this fact something I never noticed oops Eugeo’s death just brings an abrupt end to a character arc in such a way that it doesn’t even feel real. And now I really want Eugeo to come back to life in any way because his character arc really does just end. I’m not cynical enough to think this was done so Kirito can add Alice to his harem but yeah the fact that the narrative’s most important relationship doesn’t go anywhere whatsoever because a lead character died is pretty worrying.

So after this video brought attention to some elements I didn’t notice and made me think a little bit more about Alicization on my own (I really wanna make it clear that I’m not treating Mother’s Basement’s opinions as gospel) I think I’m ready to score Alicization, and I’d probably give it a 5. For context I gave SAO a 4, SAO II a 5, Ordinal Scale a 5 and now this, a 5. I’d say this is the best single season of SAO, or rather SAO entry on MAL that’s not SAOAGGO, but when it comes to individual arcs, I don’t quite know if it beats out Mother’s Rosario for me. Mother’s Rosario is something I’d probably give like, a 6 by the way, it’s just that SAO II also has the Phantom Bullet Arc which I’d probably give a 5 and the Caliber Arc which I’d give like, a 2, and obviously the 5 I’ve given to SAO II is actually higher than the average of those three scores but hey. Alicization the anime is as of now unfinished of course, and we’ve got to wait until Fall of this year to even see the start of this continuation, and that’s something I’m still unquestionably excited for. I just wanna clarify by the way that like, everyone’s entitled to their own opinions and scores and stuff. I know my friend @leafbladie who is hopefully reading this and hopefully checked out the video because I’d love to hear his thoughts on it gave Alicization an 8, which is way higher than I’d give it but like I don’t care, he’s entitled to that opinion. I’m not gonna tell him he’s wrong for seeing more merit in a work than I did. I also know he’s super tired of the very negative public perception of SAO so hopefully the fact that I’ve already said that Geoff literally apologises to Reki Kawahara and SAO fans should let him know that I’m talking about this with him from the same perspective, not just as someone who thinks “hur-dur SAO bad”.

Anyway I’ve gone on long enough about scores and my friend and other stuff. Geoff says he’s gonna read Progressive and make a video about it next month, which is good incentive for me to also finally read Progressive. Or fuck even just any of the light novels. But, uh, I’m not going to, because frankly I’m too lazy to read a book and would rather just watch anime. Maybe I’ll still watch the video...? I don’t know how much it would count as spoilers if it’s still ultimately a retelling of the Aincrad arc and stuff... I don’t know, we’ll find out.

#sao #it might be worth considering this as one of my important posts?#like the type i'd reblog to @hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhomura and add to my write-ups page?#but i don't want to have like #'mother's basement's alicization video reaction'#somewhere #on my write-ups page #should i?#i mean most of the posts on that page or reblogged here are like #the memey ones like the waifu collages or birthday calendars or tier lists #or like something with an actual thesis #so a proper review #this is just #strictly a reaction #i mean fuck if i was gonna reblog this to @h(15)omura then i should reblog all my weekly seasonal anime thoughts posts and like #fuck that noise #yeah i'm not considering this an important post #15.6.19

3 notes · View notes

megacircuit9universe · 4 years ago

Text

Alien Tip Off

WED SEP 16 2020

Woodward’s tapes of Trump, extensively admitting how well he understood the dangers of SarsCoV2, way back in the spring... that it was airborne, that it was far more deadly than the flu, etc... have stayed in the news all week, with longer and longer clips being released that utterly destroy any possible, devil’s advocate, arguments in Trump’s favor on this... the single most important issue facing the nation.

It’s safe to say we’re all stunned!

He was simultaneously smart enough to grasp the true danger of the virus... yet stupid enough to... agree to go off about this on tape with Woodward and... still do what he did in his response to the threat.

The tapes don’t JUST justify his impeachment, and expose every Senator who voted to acquit, as dastardly cowards... but they gut any possible, devil’s advocate, arguments for Trump, by anybody with any grip on sanity.

This puts the current GOP Senate in great peril... even as it reduces the base of loyal Trumpist voters they were banking on... to only the criminally insane.

No more fluffy padding of evangelicals, and other right wing conservatives who, held their nose, so does speak, and went along for the sake of the party. They’ve now formed a very visible, and powerful movement to deny Trump, and any of his hardcore Senate loyalists... another term.

And they’re doing it for the same reason they originally held their noses and went along... to save their party from the brink of irrelevance in a world where the blast doors of history are closing on old school conservatism.*

Which brings us to TikTok...

The deadline for the TikTok ban, as outlined by a sketchy executive order by Trump a while back, draws near.

And while American companies like Microsoft and WalMart scrambled to get a deal done in time, China also chimed in last week and said... Yeah, no... if ByteDance sells it’s American operations... the new owners can’t have the algorithm without our say so... and... we’d rather see TikTok die in America than bow to Trump’s silly demands so... haha, just saying! :D

Meanwhile, TikTok has been challenging the original executive order in court, and everybody is now saying even if the deadline passes, Trump can’t just shut down an app like that... and he’d have to get both Android and Apple to agree to disable it in their app stores... which would lead to more litigation and... well, it could take many more months than Trump has left in power, to sort out.

Unless he gets reelected... or successfully remains in power despite being voted out.

Which brings us to the aliens!..

Monday night (September 14th) TikTok was suddenly flooded with videos of UFO sightings over the United States... concentrated in, but not limited to New Jersey, Colorado, and Nevada.

The earliest and most viral of these was being debunked immediately as the GoodYear Blimp, but... the people at Goodyear Blimp have since said, no... that was not our blimp.

The videos depict a lot of different types of UFOs... they don’t all look the same. Some were singular glowing orbs, or true flying saucer looking crafts, while other videos showed groups of strange lights acting in concert.

The common denominator for all of them, however, was... all are pretty lengthy and clear... corroborated by multiple TikTokers in any given area... and all have so far defied any rational explanation.

Blimps, drones, skydivers with flares, swamp gas, you name it... none of the off the cuff discredits have yet proven out... much less any explanation for why so many sightings happened simultaneously across the continent.

Of course, lots of alien lovers have been quick to tell us this is some message of peace or whatever... but when something like this happens, I can only go to my own model, as established here in this blog.

And I can draw no other conclusion than this... the Aliens were behind it, and they were deliberately using TikTok to spook Trump... and the other powerful men in his Junta (Barr, McConnell, etc).

Recall that earlier this year I speculated that Kim Jong Un was not only dead, but that it was likely the Aliens who killed him, because he was too likely to start a nuclear war.

North Korea has yet to admit that Jong Un is dead... but the rest of the world assumes, these many months later, that he must be. He’s not re-emerged, and the few video reels of him released this year... barely even try to be convincing.

The media hasn’t talked much about this, because so much other shit’s been going on this year... but no... I’m not backing off my conclusion that he’s dead, because nothing’s come along to even slightly prove me wrong on that, much less embarrass me about that conclusion.

He’s dead.

The aliens killed him.

And now those same aliens are using TikTok to spook Trump.

This implies that Aliens are a lot more familiar with the intimate details of our daily life than we normally think... knowing not only that we all have smart phones with cameras, but that we also have a hugely popular app that would ensure any sightings would go viral immediately... and that this is the same app Trump is trying to shut down.

What’s the message for Trump?

Well, first... a bit more context...

This past week, the other huge story in the news has been the west coast wild fires. We’ve seen out of control wildfires on the Pacific coast in late summer for the past four years, as we did in Australia in their late summer, this past January... but this year’s fires in America have been record breaking in terms of their devastation.

The aliens... who’ve been monitoring this planet periodically since humans first learned of fire... paying closer attention after we developed electricity... and who have been permanently stationed in the solar system since we figured out fission bombs at the end of WW2... have had, as their main objective, to stand down, and observe us... unless the planet is in danger of a cascading failure due to either a nuclear or climate catastrophe... or both.

In such cases, they are willing to intervene... for the sake of preserving the level of intelligence, and diversity of life that’s evolved here... because it takes so goddam long for this kind of intelligence, and this kind of diversity to evolve in the first place.

Still, they’d always rather just hang back and observe.

So... since World War Two... they’ve tolerated all kinds of nuclear bomb testing, and everything else, without feeling the need to do much more than hint, to world leaders, that humanity may not be alone in the universe.

Until very recently, when they pinpointed two individuals who were a direct threat to the planet... Kim Jong Un, and Donald Trump.

Jong Un had no real impact on the climate, but he did pose a nuclear threat, dangerous enough, they had to intervene and just off him.

Trump poses both a nuclear threat, and a climate threat, so... Jong Un’s death was a first warning sign, and this latest stunt on TikTok, at the peak of the wildfires, is yet another.

Don’t think you’re commanding the most powerful military force in the universe, because you’re not. We’re real, and you can’t touch us. We know what you’re doing. We know what you fear (TikTok), and we WILL take you out, Space Force or no Space Force... buddy!

Assuming I’m right about this... which I think you at least have to grant is possible this late in the game, given all that’s happened... it’s an unprecidented show of force, from an intergalactic army so shy of confrontation, we barely have any evidence they exist.

That tells you what a dire juncture we are at, right now, on this timeline**.

But the fact that the aliens would use TikTok to make this statement... does seem to suggest that they do have AI bot agents, on our internet, who are in communication with our own advanced AI bots from the future, left behind by our time travelers... and that they are all in cahoots to save the timeline.

Recall that while Alien propulsion tech is likely based in the manupulation of microsingularities, or mini-black holes, to frame-drag spacetime around the ship... for Aliens it’s more about space travel, than time travel.

Time travel doesn’t really mean anything on intergalactic scales. It only has meaning for primitive humans hanging very close to Earth, moving back and forth through the span of a few decades locally, to grab objects, get footage, and leave bot agents behind to promote human rights.

The aliens hanging out in our solar system are more or less just as pinned to our timeline as we are... or the bots those time travelers leave behind.

And if you don’t get that by now, I would suggest reading back in earlier entries, but maybe I’ll do another one as a refresher soon.

It was encouraging to see a TikToker on my For You Page this past week actually mention John Titor, and go into a little depth about him, but as usual, nobody could follow it.***

But more encouraging was this display by the aliens, that gave the first confirmation I’ve seen, that they do know and care what’s going on down here, in times as dire as we’re currently living through.

And with that roundup of a week’s news... it is time for bed.

*With GenX turning 50, Millenials turning 30, and GenZ turning 20, the tide is turning forever away from old school conservatism, with all of it’s racism, sexism, and classism. November 2020 could be the first time, all three of these generations turn out to the polls in force (millenials were too apathetic before this, and Z was too young to vote) to drown out the fading influence of the Boomers and Silents, once and for all.

My guess, as I’ve said, is that the current anti-Trump conservatives will all move to the Democratic Party, leaving the Republican Party to die as a haven for neo nazis and KKK sympathizers... while the progressive left will form a new party to counter the comparatively conservative new democrats, who at least acknowledge climate change, and don’t pin everything else on the single issue of abortion.

**Worth noting that this passed week news also broke that scientists had detected a marker for microbial life in the atmosphere of Venus. It appears to be the strongest evidence yet that life is not exclusive to Earth.

***Not to suggest I’m so much more clever than ordinary people. It took me upwards of fifteen years of studying physics through videos, lectures, and audio books to get the full picture of how Titor’s distortion unit worked, and how the many worlds theory resolves the kinds of paradoxes most people imagine would happen.

0 notes

nobszone · 8 years ago

Photo

So I was checking my notifications to see which of my posts got the “ @takashi0bump” when I remembered I had this series of asks laying around in my inbox for the past month or so, and I figured now is a good time as any to go over them.

Before we get started, let me apologize to the anon for taking this long to answer. I’ve had a lot going on both on and off the site, and you asked quite a bit here. So I needed a while to get to a point where I felt I was able to properly answer your questions.

So, let’s begin.

First let’s talk about business regulation, and then I’ll give you some of my thoughts on the 2016 election, or at least thoughts that I haven’t had a chance to express yet (anyone who saw my long back-and-forth about a month ago knows I’ve already expressed quite a bit).

I consider myself a Capitalist for two reasons. First and foremost, I believe in an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay. Secondly, as anyone who’s been following this blog will tell you, I’m a huge proponent of individual liberty.

Out of the three economic systems (Capitalism, Socialism, Communism), Capitalism is the one that gives individual people the best chance at achieving wealth and success for themselves. You look at famous American success stories like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Nelson Rockefeller, Howard Hughes and so on. These are all stories that I don’t believe could’ve happened in a Socialist or Communist system.

But I also acknowledge the system isn’t perfect. It has its flaws and failings, some of which have been pointed out in great detail over the course of the last decade. I also am willing to concede that because of the increasing automation of the labor force as well as the development of technology such as AI, Capitalism itself may no longer be viable in as little as 20-30 years.

Because when your workforce is composed of robots, what do you pay them?

Anyway, that’s for another discourse. My point is that while I don’t think Capitalism is the be all end all perfect system for mankind, it’s the best one that we have under the current circumstances as it allows for the most individual freedom as well as gives individual citizens the best chance to achieve wealth and success.

So with that in mind let’s talk about where I stand on regulation.

I’m...mostly against the government interfering with the private sector, but I’m completely open to certain types of regulation.

For example:

Environmental, to ensure that business activities don’t result in serious pollution and/or environmental catastrophe.

Fair labor rules to enforce my above stated belief in an “honest days work for an honest days pay” (though I will freely admit I’m more in favor of right-to-work laws than unions).

Anti-trust regulations to break up monopolies and keep competition alive.

Net Neutrality to ensure the internet remains free and open (Have you all called or emailed your representatives and/or senators, by the way?)

Safeguards to ensure that people buying property or taking out a loan can actually afford to buy said property or pay back said loan (this is mainly to try and prevent a repeat of 2008).

So, some oversight, but not necessarily to the extent that you’d see in a non-Capitalistic system.

I know it’s popular for folks in my generation to rail on about the “evils of Capitalism” (while typing their rants using technology made possible by Capitalism), but there’s certain areas where I think the private sector is much better suited to excel than any government program would ever be.

One example is healthcare.

Let me say up front that I don’t disagree with the idea of a universal high quality healthcare system. Hell I don’t even disagree with the idea of free healthcare for everyone. I think that giving everyone access to high quality healthcare at an affordable price is a goal we should be working towards.

But my issue with acts like the ACA and other systems like the NHS in England is the economics of it.

At the end of the day, a healthcare system that is of high quality, universal and comprehensive while still being affordable is an economic impossibility.

Basically think of the healthcare market as being like a supply and demand curve that you learned about in your Econ class. The “supply” in this case is the number of doctors available, the quality of the care, etc. The “demand” of course is the people needing healthcare. The equilibrium point is where the two meet.

What the ACA and the NHS try to do is set what basically amounts to a price ceiling. They’re saying “okay, health care of <x> quality will not cost any more than <y> dollars.” Which sounds nice for everyone. More people get access to higher quality care, doctors still get paid, everything is peachy.

Problem is, for said price ceiling to be effective, it has to be set below the equilibrium price. So now there’s a gap between the supply and demand lines: a shortage.

In this case a shortage could mean anything from lack of available doctors, a decline in the quality of the care given, waiting times for surgery, things like that.

And if that’s a trade-off you’re willing to make, more power to you. For me? I think it’s counter-productive.

So with that in mind, here’s my radical idea for helping expand healthcare coverage:

Let insurance companies compete across state lines.

Right now, it is illegal to buy health insurance out-of-state. I think lifting this little restriction will do wonders in helping to alleviate the healthcare crisis in America.

While I can’t be certain, I think that private healthcare could indeed become a perfectly competitive market, with all insurers falling towards an equilibrium price. If someone in one state is charging an astronomical amount for coverage, and someone in another state is offering the same coverage for half the cost, people in the first state should be able to buy from the second state.

In a related story, this would also help people in the LGBT+ community. If you live in a state that denies you coverage because you are a non-heteronormative citizen, you should be able to buy from a state that does not discriminate.

Now I don’t know if this would actually work out, the economics of this can be figured out by people much smarter than I am. But I do feel this is an instance where the private sector can do a better job than the government.

Another area I feel the private sector succeeds is in technological development.

Apple and Microsoft come to mind, but the example I like to use the most is SpaceX.

I want you all to repeat this to yourself once a day for the foreseeable future: Elon Musk is taking us to Mars.

SpaceX has only been operating for 15 years, and already they have technology that only made it to the drawing board for NASA. In a year they may be ready to send manned missions into Space, while NASA’s own spacecraft is still at least 2 years, possibly 3, from its first manned flight. And a lot of this is because SpaceX doesn’t have to answer to any bureaucrats in DC. They’re free to use their budget however they wish, while NASA is only given a sliver of the federal budget, and has to justify every dollar they spend.

In a related story, I’m cautiously optimistic about Trump’s plans for NASA. While it seems he has a very basic understanding of how spaceflight actually works, he does seem to have a legitimate interest in manned spaceflight, which is more than I can say for the last administration.

But I digress.

So I hope that clarifies my position on the free market.

Anyway, now I’d like to talk briefly about some trends I’ve noticed on the left and the right in the wake of the election. Since this post has gone on for quite a bit already, I’ll try to keep this part relatively short.

I find myself in a unique position, where for the first time in my life I am legitimately annoyed by both political parties.

The GOP seems to have looked at how the Democrats all but ceased to exist in 1968 and said to themselves “Lets do that.” They’ve made token statements of annoyance at Trump’s antics, but aren’t willing to do what it takes to reign him in. Sadly, I predicted this would happen, as the GOP is mainly trying to tread water until they get through the midterms next year. Sadly this has allowed for some more...fanatical members to make some noise on the federal and state level, people who basically want to say or do anything and they don’t care who they offend in the process.

Meanwhile the Democrats are a total mess right now. As I’ve said before, I cannot believe they actually rejected Socialism before the Republicans got a chance to do so. But that “Feel the Bern” faction that got...well...burned in the 2016 primaries is still angry and vengeful. You have people like Michael Moore calling for all the neoliberal Democrats to be ousted, and to make the Democrats a true Socialist party. At the end of the day, the only thing the Democrats even have to say to the American people right now in regards to why they should vote for them in 2018 is “We’re not the GOP.”

So yeah, you can see why I’m willing to take potshots at both the left and the right at this point in time (much to the imagined horror of high-school age me who was a raging neocon who absolutely would have voted for Donald Trump if he had the chance, but that’s another story).

But here’s something really interesting I’ve noticed.

As the anon in the ask said, there’s a lot of people on the left who feel that they aren’t welcome there anymore, even though the left is the side that, in theory, should be supporting of them. And a lot of this has to do with the fact that there’s this major “our way or the highway” attitude right now with the liberal elite. And you’ve all heard me express my annoyance with the left’s tendency as of late to (as Tom Walker’s Johnathan Pie character so expertly put it) “believe in diversity as long as it’s not diversity of opinion.”

For better or worse, I haven’t seen that on the right.

I mean, there’s been a couple prominent examples of former Republicans saying they can no longer associate with the GOP. Joe Scarborough being the most recent example (though, honestly, who could blame him?), but the fact is that there’s still a lot of differing ideas and philosophies in play right now for the GOP.

Paul Ryan is a big fan of Ayn Rand and her philosophy of Objectivism, he also supported the auto industry bailouts of 2008 and the Dodd-Frank act.

Rand Paul is a Libertarian (when he feels like calling himself one) who wishes to ban abortion entirely, and while he is not an advocate for decriminalizing marijuana, he is against mandatory minimum sentencing for drug crimes.

John McCain has come out against universal healthcare (also favoring a free-market solution) and Net Neutrality, but he’s also been one of the most vocal proponents of Native American issues as well as one of the most hawkish voices on the right in regards to Russia.

Donald Trump...well...nobody really knows what he supports, as his statements on his political views can range from inconsistent to downright incoherent, but he has consistently supported medical marijuana, term limits for Congress, and manned exploration of space.

Reminder that the Log Cabin Republicans also exist.

The point is there’s a lot of room on the right for differing viewpoints. And I’ve found that even if people can’t completely agree with the GOP on everything, they still don’t have an issue at least relating to them. I personally don’t see eye-to-eye with the Republicans on everything, but I have no problem voting for them, or describing myself as being conservative on certain issues.

And, most importantly, at no point have I ever felt alienated from my more hardcore GOP friends because my beliefs didn’t align with the party.

So, all things considered, it seems that when it comes to diversity of opinion, the Republicans are doing a better job. Why is that? Well I think it’s because both parties, at their core, have a very different philosophical approach to how they wish the United States to be. Though to be clear, this doesn’t just apply to the US of A, this applies to the left vs right debate pretty much everywhere.

The left’s political philosophies (starting at moderate Liberalism and going all the way to Collectivism) put more emphasis on what’s best for the group. The old “the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few” cliche. The left’s approach to a problem is to basically say “okay we’re going to try one solution and one solution only, but it’s going to be the solution that benefits everyone in some way.”

In a related story, this is why I think a lot of millennials are gravitating towards the left. Thanks to the Internet, we are the first generation in the history of humanity to have actually been part of a truly global community. And it’s not just in politics where this group mentality comes into play. Hell half the time there’s fandom drama, it’s because someone said something stupid and everyone else decided to get together to prove how wrong they were.

It’s important to realize that our parents and grandparents didn’t have this kind of global community. In fact, for about half a century, they were taught to fear the other, the foreigner, the people with the incompatible lifestyle who were out to destroy you.

This is why I think they gravitated towards the right, because the right (starting at moderate Conservatism and going all the way to Objectivism) focuses more on what’s best for the individual. Whether it’s success in the free market, the right to own a firearm, the right to pick your healthcare provider, etc. The right is more focused on individual liberty. Their approach to a problem is to basically say “okay, everyone try the solution that they feel works best for them.” So that’s what I think it comes down to. And both mindsets have their pros and cons.

The left would restrict individual liberty, but they would also aim to make a world where everyone is treated fairly and has the same quality of life.

The right may not care about those social protections and some people would be better off than others, but they would also aim to make a world that had unlimited freedom and choice.

And this is the important part. Do yourself a favor and write it down on your desktop or something so you can see it every single day. Because in times like these, this cannot be stressed enough:

Neither the right nor the left are inherently evil. They BOTH have villains: the extremists who want to do EVERYTHING one way.

Whether it’s the alt-right or the cntrl-left, those camps just want to stick to their way and their way only. The truth of the matter is that just going one way gets us nowhere, and as much as people in both of those camps like to mock centrists, the answer really does lie somewhere in the middle.

I like to think of America as like a car driving down a road. For the most part, we try to stay in the center. But every so often the road turns or shifts, and we have to adjust to the left or the right to stay where we need. But we should never ever make a hard left or hard right, that would end in disaster.

Alright, so that’s the end of this wall of text. If the original anon is reading this, I again apologize for taking so long and I hope I was able to give you satisfactory answers to at least some of your questions. As for the rest of you, I hope you at least learned a little bit more about how I view the world we live in. If you yourself have any questions about my views on all this, feel free to ask!

#Really Quite Frankly #politics #American Politics #ask #Capitalism

26 notes · View notes

spectraspecs-writes · 6 years ago

Text

Thoughts on Endgame - Spoiler Free (bc I haven’t seen it yet)

Long post but worth the read, imo.

When I was waiting for the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary, I spent my time, naturally, writing the episode on my own, in my head. Granted, it was full of self-inserts, but they were self-inserts rich in character and motivations. There wasn’t any big alien baddie, but the Doctor had to deal with a big spatial conundrum. I think I went with something like a wormhole that put disparate people and civilizations together on Earth, and the Doctor had to work with Torchwood and UNIT to solve it (as well as my own self-insert group, shut up, it was cool.)

And then November 23rd, 2013, came. And I was excited. Because I, after all, was simply a fan, not a professional writer by any means, just a devoted fan who enjoyed writing and speculating.

I was disappointed.

Whoop-dee-doo, the Daleks are back, so what else is new? Even as a devoted fan, there’s really nothing new to do with the Daleks under the sun, in my opinion. They’ve been rebooted so many times, same with the Cybermen, that there’s just... nothing new to add to them. There are better aliens. And for the Big Bad, Moffat decided to go with... the Zygons??? Who hadn’t shown up since, I think, the Fifth Doctor? I don’t remember exactly, but since they hadn’t shown up in a while, clearly no one really missed them. And that’s who Moffat went with for his Big Bad? And then, as was brought to my attention by another fan, the Doctor destroyed Gallifrey for good reason. They had become horrible people as a result of the Time War. But Moffat decided to... disregard that and bring them back? What? Did he literally not watch The End of Time Part 2 and learn why that was a bad idea? I was simply disappointed. I enjoyed it, yes, but I had built up this ideal episode in my head, and I didn’t get it. And now, six years later, I realize and understand that I was expecting too much of Moffat. God forbid we acknowledge that Torchwood and Captain Jack existed outside of a single line and his vortex manipulator.

Fast forward to now. I liked Avengers: Infinity War. I see the problems that others had with it after the fact (I’m not typically the person who does in-depth analysis of my entertainment, but I enjoy seeing others do it and taking it in), and I myself had problems with Vision and Scarlet Witch being shipped together, because I didn’t feel anything about it. I never felt any pull toward Vision. Not once. Scarlet Witch has always been cool, but she always seemed more a friend to Vision, because they had the Mind Stone in common, and I liked them better as friends than as relationship partners. And I’ve read people’s analysis of Taika’s Thor versus the Russo’s Thor, and I agree that the former is better than the latter.

Because I like spoilers, when someone I follow on here announced that they’d seen it, I asked them to spoil me. Please - I like walking into movies knowing what to expect. I had a list of the dead from Infinity War the day after it came out. It didn’t ruin my viewing experience. As Data says in the Season Two episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, knowing the facts of the moment is no replacement for the flavor of the moment. Knowing Spider Man died and knowing “Mr. Stark I don’t feel so good” didn’t mean I wasn’t broken up when I saw the scene. I actually felt a tear when Bucky said “Steve...” as he faded to dust (which is a big reaction for me). I knew Bucky died. But the fact of the moment and the flavor are two different things. So when I walk into the movie this Tuesday/Wednesday, I’ll know what happens, but I won’t know the flavor of the moment.

I had a dream last night about Endgame, that took some of the facts of the moment that I got from the spoilers, and made it’s own movie. It didn’t focus on the Avengers the whole time, naturally, and looked more at the new world order. Things cost more, because there was a lower supply of goods compared to the demand. In order to meet that demand, the manufacturing of goods cut a lot more corners and utilized non-traditional ingredients (eg., meats weren’t just your basic pig, cow, chicken, etc., but I didn’t get a whole lot of details beyond that.) People were desperate. There was a lot of crime and chaos. Five years passed from the time of the Snap to the setting of the dream. There were people who, this was all they knew of the world. A lot of the focus, that wasn’t on the Avengers (mostly Tony, Cap, Thor, Banner, Clint), was on a single mother of two daughters. One daughter was a teenager, who had some emotional issues (naturally - she knew the world pre-Snap), and a seven or eight year old, who only knew the world post-Snap, and so didn’t have the same issues. And she loved to dance. They had their own plot, which was pretty rich in details and character and motivation, but you know what? Two things - you don’t know these characters, and I don’t remember the whole dream. So let’s move on to what the Avengers did.

Tony was depressed. He had lost Pepper in the Snap (don’t remember if he really did in Infinity War), and was preoccupied on a daughter that he didn’t have, so he was building an AI to fulfill that loss, but it wasn’t working out. This AI couldn’t communicate beyond a flashing light. He didn’t have F.R.I.D.A.Y. inside the suit anymore, but a voice with an Indian accent (Simad or something like that was the name, not sure but it started with an S.) He didn’t have anything to do with Stark Industries, or even the Iron Man suit anymore, but was just holed up, an engineer, making things. Trying to replace that which he’d lost. Meanwhile, the city was run by a woman whose first name was Ichbin (yes, just like the German “I am”, don’t remember her last name, but I remember thinking in the dream that it was a pretty name). Ichbin was not a nice woman, but she was very determined, a bit of a dictatorial leader, certainly, but most people weren’t too bad off, they just disagreed with her methods. Thor was working for her, he was also sad, but he was trying to work through some issues. If you’ve seen Legend of Korra, season four, it was kind of the same as how Bolin was working for that Earth Kingdom general whose name escapes me. Thor was still trying to be a good man, but there was only so much he could do in his job. Anyway, something happened (this dream ended four hours ago, so I don’t remember everything), and Tony tried to come in and fix it, finding some motivation and wanting to help his friends, with his glowing AI daughter and the AI Simad (or smth) trying to help him. And he loses at first, but then, knocked to the ground, bleeding, trying to push himself up, says, “you know... i just remembered... You’ve got the wrong letters on the sign.”

...huh?

I know, it sounds like your average dream thing, but apparently Ichbin was living and working in Stark Tower/Avengers Tower whatever, and had changed the letters on the sign. And this revelation was significant because it told you that Tony wasn’t hiding anymore, he was remembering who he was, what he was. He was Tony Stark. And he could help people. So he defeated her, but I didn’t see the battle. What I saw was him, up in the tower, knocking down the letters that Ichbin had set out, and replacing them with his name. And rebranding Stark Tower and Tony Stark as not the the place where the unkind leader lived, but as a place you could go where you could feel safe, to try to recover from the Snap and make your life better. To help people.

Was the Snap fixed? No, and by the end of the dream, no one had even hinted at Thanos. But we did actually see something that said “we can fix this. we can be better. just because this is life now doesn’t mean we have to just sit and mope. we can be better.” And it didn’t emphasize the physical battles, but the emotional battles. Stuff like that is what I see fans coming up with. Just like I came up with the ideal Doctor Who 50th Anniversary episode.

The real Endgame, I can almost guarantee you, is not going to have as much emotional impact. I realize they have to do the battles, because it’s an action movie, but characters are not just the physical action. Their emotions make the story. And I don’t like that the big movies have moved away from that. I want to see what makes these characters tick on an emotional level. Agents of SHIELD is good for that, but you can do it in a movie, too.

I’m already in the fandom, I’m going to go see the movie. But I’m just tired of not seeing the humanity in these people. These people are larger than life, but where is their life? Where is their soul? Because all I see is muscle and bone and scars. Give me something happy. Give me some notion of feelings beyond the battles. Because I’m tired.

#specs writes stuff #endgame spoiler free #avengers: endgame #doctor who #thoughts #one time i dreamt #dream #avengers #marvel #mcu #writing #long post #but worth the read

0 notes

speedilyfriedglitter-blog · 8 years ago

Text

SASUSAKU IS FRAUDULENT

Sasusaku is a fraud

or how sasuke has been manipulated into SS.

I’m gonna analyze it through two POV: Kishimoto’s and canonverse’s.

-KISHIMOTO:

let’s say he was genuine about it.

1) He admitted in one of his interviews that he even wanted to write a love triangle (that’s just… wow) but ACCORDING to his own words, it wasn’t possible because a) this is a Shonen, and b) he had to prioritize. So, if you say romance was equally important here, you’re deluding yourself. He was focused on everything appealing to boys, i.e. just friendships, popularity contexts and fights. So, it’s only normal, that no romance would have deep development.

In this case, some positive and ROMANTIC-looking moments -no matter how few they are- are enough for romance in this genre. Yet SS doesn’t enjoy from such privilege: part I, team 7 is like family to him (canon), so Sakura is like a sister. He thus protects her as one. Part II -call it ‘he’s in darkness’, or ‘fake Sasuke’- but there’s nothing left of this relationship. The worse is SS went from sibling relationship, to nothing, to romance with a guy that never showed interest in such trivial things as being “attracted to girl or romance”, despite him knowing it actually existed.

2) Kishimoto had only cared about Naruto, his MC, tailoring the rest of the series around him. It’s so bad that every fodder character, every guy from the “main cast” and every evil has surrendered their soul to him. So, once he’s given Naruto his fucking acknowledgement, nothing else mattered for the author.

Sasuke who should have been seen getting over UCM, mending, finding his ways, healing or anything catering to his mental abuse and this abominating genocide has never happened. Why? Because Kishimoto never cared. It wasn’t in his plan.

How can a real Sasuke fan be satisfied with that?

The fact that romance wasn’t even relevant to Kishimoto, and that he didn’t cared about his own creation, he just took the nearest short-cut possible, since ‘Sasuke’s chapter’ was closed to him the moment Naruto beat him.

Since then, he manipulated everything to suit their –SP & Cie’s agenda -Boruto-

Basic reading comprehension.

CANON – VERSE

First, proofs that sasuke is broken and damage i.e. in a state he can be manipulated and driven to do something he doesn’t much care about in the first place.

He’s a ghost of himself

You see there? Sasuke ceased to exist at that very moment. How any decision he made after this can is something genuine? He just surrendered his soul to the world. He keeps living for other people, putting their wishes first, since he doesn’t have any drive himself.

This fragile sasuke can easily end with sakura not because it’s something he has always wanted but, he’s not himself anymore.

Here, he shows us that he’s always been inferior to Naruto and Itachi. Here, you witness a broken man who doesn’t have any more self-love or self-esteem. He’s lost. How is he that Sasuke who made choices because he felt it necessary or what he wanted?

Also, very important, is his dynamic with Itachi. Sorry Itachi fans but he accepted to side against his own family. He betrayed his family, so how Sasuke who is pro-Uchiha forgave a pro-Konoha! Itachi was the last link to the family he ever loved.

Obviously, Sasuke became someone who can be manipulated and everyone who can substitute to his family/Itachi can manipulate him just as well. So, no silly things as “Sasuke can’t be manipulated or driven to do something that doesn’t go with his normal way of being”. He hasn’t even a mind for himself anymore, lol. He deemed necessary to become another Naruto/Itachi.

Because team 7 became that substitute, team 7 can have a huge impact on his mental, and that include Sakura with all that pushing her obsession on him until he breaks. That’s his reality now.

When Sakura confesses, he thinks back again to his family.

For Sasuke, nothing was as much important as his family. He even admitted that he had craved for love, and how he sought for a substitute in Naruto.

That’s back when his old family was more important than anything. After Naruto wins, he breaks down his final wall. What kept team 7 from replacing the Uchiha family, has been vanquished by that final fight. Now Team 7 is not only his sole “decent” connection but his only family.

Like he drank Itachi’s words, he’s bound to drink Team 7 words too.

By the way, why Sasuke felt like helping to save the world but then pull that bullshit? Another bullshit to end this too-long Shonen for Kishimoto.

That he had always loved his family, that team 7 took this place now, that he feels that what he fought for or thought is inferior to Itachi’s and now Naruto’s moral and that Naruto beat him until he had surrendered shows that he shifted his emotions from his old family to team 7.

Now he thinks he’s the worse person to ever walk on this earth when he actually acted like any other ninja. That lets it read that Itachi and now team 7 are always right and he’s wrong to think otherwise. Because he puts himself under those people he thinks are saints moral-wise, he surrendered to their wishes.

He’s like a wound left open now. Every bacterium that ever existed can contaminate him. Yahoo!!

What happened after the big fight and team 7 reunited?

-Kakashi just keeps reading his porn in a shady place.

-Naruto gave up on him.

-Sakura kept confessing until he said yes.

-He has no one but team 7. This team 7 is what is left for someone who put connections above else, and once craved for love.

-All that is important in Naruto is to be pretty, cool and have super power-ups and whatnot. Also get married. You know, ticking everything on the usual bucket-everyday-lists without actually giving it second-thoughts. What? Friendships? Forget about it! Let’s just scratch it a bit and forget about it later on.

So, Sasuke pleases them now, and there’s no one out there to put him first or at least help with his mental health or scars. I mean, now that he isn’t against the Shinobi system why cares about him? Just know something: the moment you get married, whatever pain or mental scars you have will vanish without actually caters to it. (Sarcasm again)

Miscellanies:

-The OOC of both to make SS:

Sakura went:

From this:

and this

note her promise

(Makes this face):

to this:

like this:

and that:

a) Sakura reverts back to her 12 self around Sasuke. Crying and repeating confessions. b) Her natural confidence that could have helped Sasuke is none existent. Now she acts like a doormat. Please go watch canon written by Kishi –she’s got little to no backbone when Sasuke is concerned. As long as Sasuke answered positively to her confession she’s okay with everything. c) Sakura who is a cheerful young lady tone down her personality to match Sasuke’s moody one.

Meanwhile, she never writes letters to Sasuke or even tells him to visit to see his daughter, but she wears gladly his Uchiha crest. See how SSS in gaiden is another guilt-trip session for Sasuke. He wanted a family and now it became a source of stress. Everyone, from Sasuke to Sakura, going through salad, everyone was apologizing. Sweet love!

I like Sakura (she’s evolved emotionally and physically), and I love Sasuke but together? I wanna choke a teddy-bear.

-Sorry but Sasuke has NEVER showed romantic interests or whatsoever in anyone. Instead of ending like Jiraya or Orochimaru, aka with no burdens like raising child but travelling freely, he’s got now a child? What happened? How? Sakura raped him or something? Did he ask her? Had they actually had sex? That’s insane.

-In real fucking life, when a boy doesn’t show interest for any girl, he’s gay or aromantic. Don’t even start with culture. Naruto showed interest. Jiraya did. Rock lee did. Heck, shojo and shounen ai come from japan.

-yeah SS is canon lol. So? If I could fucking take it seriously though, it’s empty, boring and with no real sparks or frictions. Nothing at stakes or anything one could write books about except their aesthetic. Just headcanons like Sakura opening Sasuke’s heart to life -when it’s Naruto-, Sasuke looking like a love interest from a shojo or SNS rip-offs…

They don’t match the canon, neither their respective in character persona.

So, only stupid people can get butt-hurt over the fact that not everyone wants to ship it or find it logical. You like it, ship it elsewhere instead of looking for trouble with antis or other shippers.

To summarize my point is:

-SS indeed happens because Sakura drives him -along team 7- to response to her feelings, not because he was “in love”. (It’s not the same old independent Sasuke). There’s nothing remotely special or admirable about it.

-Sasuke’s last relationships aren’t what could have helped him. Look at him; he’s still vagabonding. Even Naruto ‘let him down’. You think that it’s not Naruto’s job? Then their bond is cheap. You think otherwise? Then let’s admit together that Kishi mostly ruined it all.

I don’t care if you ship SS but how Kishimoto handled it and some extreme fans of his had me angry as hell.

I can’t believe I’m still receiving “kill yourself delulu fugly”, “kill yourself” and the likes because I ship a crack-ship, like wut?? Please come down your high horse, lol. You ain’t nothing special, neither is your ship.

#anti sasusaku #anti ss #go read twilight #anti sasuke x sakura #pro sasuke #pro uchiha sasuke

182 notes · View notes

offansandflames · 8 years ago

Text

My favorite time of year. Employee reviews. My company, Konoha Corp, approaches the higher levels of management first and then goes downward. This is my round. I’ve been stuck in this stale room for 45 minutes.

“Sasuke, sometimes you can come off as…”

Kakashi trailed off. That only annoyed me.

“As what?”

“As challenging. Demanding.”

Of course I know how I come off. And it works.

“I get results, don’t I?”

It annoys me that he has the nerve to confront me about this. Every single product release under my management has gone off without complications. In terms of revenue and increasing market share, I’ve outperformed every single one of my contemporaries by a landslide. I’ve held this role for three years as of June and have moved mountains.

“Your results are stellar. Sasuke, you are a very brilliant scientist and a shrewd businessman. But you’re breeding a workplace culture that is afraid to fail. They’re afraid to show creativity.”

“Afraid to fail.”

That phrase just sticks between my ears and goads me, because right now I’m so clearly remembering Itachi yelling at me over huge stacks of messy papers when I showed him my plans for the AI components of one of our new virtual executive assistants December of last year.

“This has all been done before. It’s good work, but it’s by the books. Why are you so afraid to fail? You’ll never make a difference that way!”

He died three months ago. Whenever I remember him, I get upset. If I’m around people, that automatically manifests as me being pissed off.

“Can we afford to fail with our brand’s reputation and the market share at stake? Why are you complaining?”

I know I’m being difficult and missing the point. I continue regardless.

“Sasuke, people respect you, but they also fear you.”

“Yes. That’s a management style.”

Kakashi sighs, clearly frustrated. I couldn’t care less, because I’m frustrated too.

Steve Jobs pulled it off. So can I.

“You need to show them a softer, more caring side. These are brilliant people.”

Most of them are bright. I have my doubts about a few, one person in particular on my mind. But I didn’t hire him, so I consider myself absolved. Itachi must’ve been smoking crack.

“They need a supportive environment to innovate. We’re a consumer technology company, Sasuke. We need to be on the edge, or we’re obsolete by definition.”

At this point, I could go on about all of the successful product launches and ballooning profits. There’s just one inconvenient aspect of the situation: he’s right. And I know damned well that people are afraid to think outside of the box because they’re afraid of what I might do if they fail.

He’s asking me to do something I don’t know how to do, but I won’t admit to it. I’m silent, which he takes as a cue.

“It doesn’t have to be anything dramatic or unnatural. Just try to be more understanding if an employee makes a mistake. If they were using their best judgment and were being diligent, then it’s enough that they tried.”

What if they have their head in the clouds and spend all day wondering, “Wouldn’t it be cool if…?” What if they squander their potential by sitting on their ass and playing class clown with coworkers? Like a certain vapid blue-eyed employee I have. Eye color generally means nothing to me, but it’s difficult not to remember such a brilliant blue.

“I agree with you that as long as something was done responsibly and with due diligence, the employee shouldn’t be reproached. What I object to is anything less than diligence.”

Kakashi looks down at my desk, and he looks back up at me with his eyes half lidded. He looks tired.

“Look. Not everyone is going to have your work ethic, Sasuke. And sometimes people do get distracted. As their manager, you use the ruler first, not the sledgehammer.”

A pause.

“You have to show you care.”

Right. The only issue is that I don’t.

I frown. Inhale. Exhale. I remind myself of what Itachi said, which is almost entirely the reason why I speak my next sentence.

“Okay, I’ll try a softer hand.”

Kakashi smiles, because he knows how big of an accomplishment it was to get me to say that. I will let him believe it’s his victory. I don’t give a damn.

“But I’m warning you in advance that we may experience some hiccups.”

I issue that disclaimer because this means relinquishing some of my control in the interest of fostering innovation. I don’t know what will happen. My team might fail. I don’t want that to be interpreted as a failure on my part.

“We’ll consider them learning experiences.”

- - -

He code named it CMI. Caring Manager Initiative. Apparently, even this requires an acronym. It’s like a bad joke.

This is, without a doubt, my least favorite project that I have ever been on. Ever.

I will have to update Kakashi on my progress next quarter. He’d outlined three action items for me to fulfill by the next quarter:

1. Conducting Employee Reviews

2. Showing Interest in Employee Activities

3. Acknowledging Employee Achievements

I will record everything and act diligently and rationally at every step. If there is a failure, it will not be because I failed.

Phase I - Caring Manager Initiative Conducting Employee Reviews

I can’t even express how much I hate conducting employee reviews.

I go over every detail of the person’s value to the company. I fixate on their accomplishments for about 70% of the review. They plead their case. They almost always want more money, and I can only acquiesce about half of the time. I listen to their hackneyed excuses with a seemingly empathetic nod, which Itachi once told me was actually pretty convincing.

With practiced ease, like a surgeon, I speak about “opportunities to improve,” because no one wants to be criticized. And this go around, it seems like I have to put the kiddie gloves on. God forbid I hurt anyone’s feelings.

So it’s with mixed relief and dread that I view Naruto’s name on my calendar as my next appointment.

Naruto comes into my office with a big grin.

“Alright, Bossman. Let’s get this show on the road!”

I have told him to stop calling me Bossman so many times that I’ve lost count.

“Sit down.”

Now he has to obey me. He does so without complaint, not realizing that this was a power play on my part. With employees like Naruto, establishing boundaries is key.

As annoyed as I am with him, I know that for once today, I can be honest. I never hold back with Naruto. He takes everything I could ever dish out…and throws it back in my face.

I can’t believe I haven’t fired him yet.

“Okay, Naruto. You know that your designs have, in theory, been…interesting.”

Naruto puffs up like a toad at the compliment and stares at me like he’d just triumphed over me. It makes me regret saying it.

“But when it comes to creating the prototypes and testing them, everything falls to shit. You don’t see your ideas through. That’s fatal. If a product doesn’t work, it’s useless.”

“So you’re calling my work useless?” Naruto bristles.

It is true that he hasn’t gotten a single product off the ground. He’s a dreamer.

“I’m saying that the devil’s in the detail.”

At this point, if it were anyone else, I’d be reassuring them of how valuable they are to the company and how integral they are to the team. I’d smile and talk to them about promotions and ask them to fill out company templates with their goals for the next year. But that would sound forced, because that’s not how Naruto and I talk.

Naruto puffs out his cheeks and pouts, and I feel like I’m talking to a teenager. People have probably told him he needs to be more detail-orientated, because God knows it’s true.

“There’s that, and the fact that you keep checking your cell phone during working hours and socializing with coworkers too often.”

Naruto smiles and gives an impish laugh.

“This is not funny.”

“So… I guess I’m not getting a raise, huh?” he asks sheepishly, still trying to lighten the situation.

“Now that was funny.”

“Oh, you are such a prick,” Naruto answers, amused by my attitude. He should be used to it at this point.

“Is that really what you want to say to your boss?”

“I’m in trouble, aren’t I?”

I dislike the fact that I have to bring this issue to his attention for him to resolve it. It demonstrates a lack of proactivity. In fact, in all aspects of the guy’s life… He’s so laid back and easygoing. Everything is always fine and well with him, and who cares what reality actually is. Such disregard for life’s priorities. I don’t get him, nor do I want to.

“You’ve been warned,” I answer. “I’m documenting it. Fix it, and we’ll have no problems.”

Naruto sighs, and again I feel like a parent. Naruto looks down and bites his lip, and I start thinking that maybe he’s more frustrated with himself than he is with me.

“Okay.”

We continue the conversation. He didn’t call me Bossman again the entire meeting.

Stage II - Caring Manager Initiative Showing Interest in Employee Activities

Konoha Corp has a club for public speaking, held every Wednesday at lunch time. As both a scientist and a businessman, I realize that scientists are not known for mixing well with the business world. Itachi always told me never to let one of my scientists talk to one of my investors.

Our employees come here for that extra polish. The moderator, Shizune, explained that today’s workshop would all be impromptu, two-minute speeches. She put everyone’s names in a bowl, and she’d draw each speaker out until the bowl emptied. Each person would have their own topic. Meanwhile, she’d videotape them on their phone.

Public speaking is one of my strengths, not that I particularly enjoy talking. I practiced for years and fancy myself an actor now.

And of course, Naruto is here. Of all the faces in the room, his was the one I expected to see the most. He thrives off of being the center of attention. Shizune now pulls a slip out of the bowl, and everyone is sweating around me. Naruto’s name is the first she pulls.

I can’t imagine how pleased he must be by this as he walks toward the lectern.

“And the topic is…”

A pause. Naruto is standing behind the lectern now.

“Your favorite food.”

No one’s looking at me, so I roll my eyes.

Clearly, he’s doing this to show off. He’s a bubbling extrovert. He’s going to crack a few jokes. People will laugh, because he’s damn good at making people laugh. I have no interest whatsoever in watching him puff up and prattle on for whatever acknowledgement his secretly insecure soul craves.

But then he starts speaking. My mind goes blank. I’m taken off guard. Shocked.

Shocked by how horrible he is at this.

“I…”

He looks down at his feet, then paces a few steps.

“Um…”

He’s choking. I did not see this coming.

“Wow, uh…”

His body is very obviously shaking. I doubt anyone could miss it.

“Um… Give me a minute. I’m…” he stammers. “I’m off to some start, huh?”

The room gives a forced and sympathetic laugh that makes me want to cringe.

He’s a wreck.

But he’s trying. I have to say that for him. He’s earnest, and raw, and vulnerable, and… In a nutshell, everything that I’m not.

His face is bright red. I don’t know why, but my chest feels tight. This is painful to watch, yet I can’t take my eyes off of him. I find myself wishing that I could plant words on his tongue, which is ironic given that he generally never shuts the hell up.

“So, ramen…” he starts, gesturing with his arms. “It’s… It’s a hot food and… So, you know…”

Everyone is looking at him. I can’t explain it, but if anyone so much as snickers at his awkwardness, I would fire them on the spot.

If I were that shitty at public speaking, you couldn’t pay me to go up there and fumble, turn five different shades of red, and shake like a leaf. But he did, because he wants to improve. He took initiative. Still, it’s certainly not like I’m impressed by his pathetic attempt at a speech.

Well… Maybe just a little bit impressed.

He’s brave.

Braver than I gave him credit for.

I again remember Itachi telling me, “You’re afraid to fail.” It burns, and I swallow tight. It’s bad enough that he was right. Even worse that he’s dead, and now I’m thinking about it. I was not prepared to feel today. I clear my mind.

“You um… I like ramen because it’s easy to make and…”

“The time is up,” Shizune informed him with a smile.

He smiles, but his shoulders slump. I can’t blame him.

“And Mr. Uchiha, it’s so wonderful to have you join us today!”

Naruto looks at me, and his eyes widen to the size of golf balls. He is a stubborn thorn in my side, and I want to deck him every time he calls me “Bossman” in that same nauseatingly upbeat tone. Usually I’d jump at the chance to one up him, but this is very different. I hold eye contact with him for just an instant before addressing Shizune again.

“Yes, thank you, everyone. Nice work.”

Without a word, Naruto runs right out of the room, abandoning any attempt at composure and leaving his phone behind with Shizune. This isn’t like him. Was he going to… Unravel? Cry or something? Just because he now realizes I was watching?

I’ve been thinking about it for a while, trying to figure it out. This banter dialogue we’ve had going… He seems like he fixates on me. He’s…

Shit. I really hope this isn’t what I think it is.

All of this churns through my head as my face betrays nothing. I think that the power to pull an impeccable stone cold poker face in light of any situation runs in my family. Or maybe it’s learned. Whatever the case, it’s a valuable gift.

Meanwhile, people start murmuring and chatting about Naruto’s rushed exit.

“Shut up,” I say to everyone, firmly and just a little more loudly than I would in normal conversation.

In a heartbeat, the room goes so quiet you could hear a piece of paper hit the ground.

Refreshing.

The meeting continues with my go ahead. I begrudgingly sit there and pretend to be interested. I pretend like I don’t want to leave that meeting right now and find Naruto. If I found him, what would I do? I don’t know. So why bother?

I see the meeting through to its dazzling completion and have accomplished my mission as Caring Manager for the day, though I admit that telling everyone to shut up was counterproductive. I should have known better, but it was worth it.

Stage III Acknowledging Employee Achievements

I didn’t see Naruto again that day until the late hours of the evening. It’s ten, at which time the office is generally a ghost town. I could hear someone typing from the opposite side of the floor. We both had our respective deadlines to meet for the next morning, though me pulling all-nighters was nothing out of the norm.

I’m trying to eat my turkey sandwich and mark up my prototypes at the same time. I hear footsteps outside of my office and look to see Naruto trying to sneak past my door. He’s all too conspicuous in his attempts to avoid eye contact with me.

“Good job,” I say loudly enough for him to hear.

I thought he deserved it.

“Very funny, jackass.”

He knows what I’m referring to, naturally. He’s stopped outside of my office now.

“I’m not joking,” I answer.

He looks up at me, and there’s indecision in his eyes. He’s trying to read me, which he’s always been horrible at.

“Is that…an actual compliment?”

Naruto grins. It looks like gloating.

“It was pity.”

“What?”

I have no idea why I just said that; it was a knee jerk reaction. I feel like I kicked a puppy in the face.

“No… It wasn’t pity.”

I’m frustrated with myself, because I can’t seem to pull this off without ruining it somehow.

“Look… If you haven’t noticed, sincerely complimenting people is not my strong suit. I thought I’d take your example and try something I suck at today.”

That was downright painful.

“You’ve got guts, Uzumaki.”

Naruto lights up like the sun and smiles at me, and if I’m going to follow that analogy, I feel like the rays have warmed me.

“Well…” Naruto pauses and then looks into my eyes again. “Good job, Bossman.”

He continues to smile at me, and the atmosphere grows stale. There’s an adage: always leave them wanting more.

“Have a good one. See you tomorrow.”

I give him a nod, and he issues that dramatic, almost frantic wave that he’s known for with a beaming grin. As he leaves my office and approaches the exit, I hear him hum under his breath. Why am I sad to hear him go?

I sigh and resist the temptation to insult him. CMI will be difficult; there’s no denying that. And of all of CMI’s challenges, Naruto will likely be the greatest. At the very least, today Naruto gave me a crash course on how to fail. As sick as it makes me to admit this, I should be learning from him.

#sns week #sns drabble #sns #sasunaru #narusasu #1st person present tense #that was hard xD #long post

99 notes · View notes

tonystarktogo · 8 years ago

Text

Here it is, my entry from the @winterironholidayexchange for Ehiel. This fic was supposed to be around 3k. Naturally I ended up writing another 7k in the last three days before the deadline *facepalm* I really hope you like it because, not to pressure anyone, but I might break down crying if you don’t. (Kidding. Well, mostly.) And don’t forget to check out the other works in the exchange!

Turning into a mindless killing machine isn’t what one might call a conventional reaction to a panic attack. It’s a good thing for Bucky then that Tony has never cared much for conventions anyways.

You can also read this on AO3.

The first time Tony Stark meets Bucky Barnes he is decidedly unimpressed.

Granted, Tony isn’t as caught up on the Hydra business as he’d like to be. But what little he’s read up on is more than the general public will ever know and the amount of time he’s spent revisiting security footage is bordering on obsessive.

Nevertheless Tony is intimately aware of the fact that this isn’t his fight, if only because he hasn’t been asked to join. It’s disheartening, just a bit, that Steve hasn’t thought to call him but contrary to popular opinion Tony is capable of minding his own business—or leaving the stalking up to JARVIS and playing obvious for as long as he dares to remain on the sidelines.

The mess is over and done with before it gets that far, the expected explosions and proprietary damage included, and Steve, Sam and Barnes drop off the grind before Tony has finished reaching for the phone. He considers searching for them half a dozen times, but the world is still standing—and in need of someone ensuring it stays that way—and Pepper only lets him flunk every third board meeting unless the apocalypse is involved, so.

A few weeks of radio silence later Natasha drops by. She lets him know everyone is alive and accounted for, does pointedly not apologise for exposing all of Hydra’s dirty secrets to the Internet without a single word of warning and disappears before Tony has a chance to needle her for the good answers.

Knowing when he is being told to back off without saying so, Tony decides to take the wait and see approach most people don’t believe him capable of. JARVIS keeps an eye out for unusual activities, impractical arrest orders especially, but except for a small incident in Turkey the lonesome trio does a good job of covering its tracks. Meanwhile Tony’s life goes on as it always does, weekly villain encounters and all.

Until Steve calls him three months later, asking for a place to stay and stumbling over every word in his shoddy attempt to explain the presence of a recently recovered friend. As though there is any way Tony—or anyone else for that matter—could have missed a god damn exploding helicarrier. As though Tony hasn’t gone beyond what humanity is supposed to be capable of to retrieve all accessible information on the Winter Soldier project and erase as many references to it as possible.

Honestly, Tony would be insulted by Steve’s obviousness if it wasn’t so damn endearing.

It takes seventeen hours and thirty six minutes after that phone call for Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson and the officially still dead James Barnes to arrive at his Tower. And suddenly, for the first time ever—because comic books absolutely don’t count—Tony comes face to face with Bucky Barnes, Captain America’s most infamous side-kick.

Tony isn’t sure what exactly he expects when he finally lays eyes on the man but what he doesn’t expect is how, for lack of a better word, underwhelming the entire experience is.

Tony didn’t realise that he has already built an image of Barnes in his mind. Based on stories Howard used to tell on the occasional good day, memories Peggy shared with him while they were still there to be told, an off-handed comment Steve makes sometimes, most likely without noticing. At least Tony didn’t realise until he gets confronted with the real deal. One that doesn’t measure up to any of his expectations.

For one thing, Barnes is quiet. And it’s more than just the soundless movements you would expect from a feared assassin. It’s in the man’s very presence. Barnes’ posture is all hunched shoulders and bowed back, eyes fixated on the ground when they aren’t restlessly taking notes of his surrounding. He is- vacant. To a frankly unsettling degree. It makes Tony question whether there is anything left to save of the person Barnes used to be.

Because what Tony meets during that first encounter isn’t Steve’s best friend or Captain America’s most trusted companion, isn’t even the infamous Winter Soldier. It’s a shell wearing a familiar face, nothing more, and Tony can’t help wondering how Steve can stand looking into those lifeless eyes and not see anything look back at him.

Clearing his throat Tony nods into the man’s direction in acknowledgement. “Barnes,” he says and if his voice comes out a little more gruff than it should have nobody comments on it.

Blue eyes fixate themselves on him, empty of recognition but sharper than glass shards all the same. In that single moment Tony sees a cold-blooded killer appraising his next victim, sees an abandoned boy crying out desperately, sees a sniper taking aim, sees a fighter trapped in a war he can neither win nor loose.

“Stark,” Barnes rasps, void of any emotion, and after a long moment of uncomfortable silence Tony decides that’s all he is going to get.

“You two know where your rooms are,” Tony tells Sam and Steve, continues talking because that’s what he does best. “Barnes, there’s an empty floor right below Steve’s if you’ve seen enough of those two after the last few weeks, otherwise I’m sure Steve here is willing to share. Who knows, maybe you even get to sleep in the top bunk! Get yourselves situated, if you need anything tell JARVIS. And Wilson, if there’s a single bowl of Ben&Jerry’s missing when I get back, we’ll have words.”

Barnes doesn’t smile once during his tirade—Tony isn’t sure why he expects him too—and he makes his escape before he can think more deeply about it.

All in all meeting Barnes’ isn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to Tony but it’s hardly under the top ten either. If anything it could be describe as rather anticlimactic.

In hindsight, Tony should have taken that as a warning.

The next time Tony sees Barnes is almost three weeks later. It’s impressive really, how successful the man avoids him. Even more so because Tony still isn’t sure if it’s him personally Barnes stays away from or just people in general.

To be fair, Tony has been out of town for most of the time, since apparently Stark Industries can’t run itself despite Pepper’s best efforts. There’s also the fact that JARVIS has labeled Barnes the biggest threat towards his creator within the Tower and has so far done an admirable job of preventing any accidental run-in’s between the two of them. Tony has had a few conversations with Sam and has slipped right back into his usual banter with Steve, but neither of them have made any comments in regards to Barnes. Which, Tony suspects, is a statement in itself.

All in all seeking out a mentally unstable, former Hydra assassin who doesn’t want to be found sounds like a stupid idea. Meaning that eventually Tony would have undoubtedly done so, but before he has the chance to do something drastic, Tony ends up stumbling upon his most elusive house guest on accident.

It’s somewhere between midnight and afternoon, as far as his internal clock can tell, and Tony is long past the point of knowing whether he suffers from a lack of coffee or a caffeine overdoes. Staggering his way to the kitchen—or his bedroom, knowing JARIVS’ secret identity as a badass mother hen—Tony enters the open living room area right when the AI’s urgent voice penetrates his foggy mind.

“Sir, I believe the elevator to your right to be-“ It never fails to impress Tony how well JARVIS manages to convey his rising worry, without ever dropping the posh tone he initially added to the program as a joke and the AI had taken an immediate liking to.

Had he been a little more aware Tony might have caught the implied warning before he literally stumbles over a shivering ball of miserable super soldier. As it is he doesn’t. In fact Tony doesn’t even realise what the unexpected obstacle in his way is until it lashes out, an arm—thankfully not the metal one, striking with lightening speed, causing him to loose his balance and topple over like a particularly ungraceful baby deer.

During the long seconds it takes Tony’s sleep-deprived mind to catch up with his body’s uncoordinated fall, all he does is lie on the ground, blinking. It will only be later that Tony will look back on this moment and realise how incredibly lucky he has been. Barnes on a mission is a challenge to begin with, had he truly attempted to kill him Tony would have been in no position to fight him off.

Thankfully by the time adrenaline finally does its job and kicks Tony’s mind back into business Barnes hasn’t moved from his position of sitting huddled together on the floor, slowly rocking back and forth.

Tony opens his mouth, though whether to pointlessly scold JARVIS or say something off-topic and very unhelpful to Barnes he doesn’t know, when Steve comes rushing around the corner, panicked expression and Sam hot on his heels.

“Tony!” Steve calls out and promptly winces when the sudden noise causes Barnes to curl into himself even more with a whimper. “I’m so sorry,” he continues, rushed but markedly softer than before, “today was a good day, I didn’t expect-“

“A full-blown panic attack in my living room?” Tony goes for dry sarcasm but the words come out more as mumbled mess.

Not that it matters. Tony has already lost the majority of Steve’s attention at that point. The man is too busy crouching in front of his friend, talking in soothing tones. Thankfully Steve doesn’t make any move to reach out and touch Barnes. Even with his limited understanding of Barnes’ mental health, Tony is sure it would be a very bad idea.

In Tony’s opinion—not that anyone has asked for it, mind you—it doesn’t sound like a good idea to crowd the almost hyperventilating man either. But Sam Wilson has previous experience with veterans suffering from PTSD and Steve is the guy’s closest friend and confidant. Or was, but semantics. More importantly, the two have spent the last two months in close quarters with Barnes and treat this like a common occurrence, so Tony figures they know what they’re doing.

Turns out they don’t know what they’re doing.

It happens too fast for Tony to see what exactly goes wrong. All he knows is that one moment Barnes is a ball of spiralling panic and the next he lets out what is either an inhumane sounding snarl or a very angrily spoken Russian curse. Then Barnes is on his feet, the movement almost too fast for human eyes and Tony freezes. He has always seen the Winter Soldier as more of a dramatic villain name chosen by Hydra and less like a separate identity but the current situation makes him reevaluate that assessment.

Because the man now positioning himself in front of Steve may wear Barnes’s face but he looks nothing like him. He’s standing tall and proud for one thing, his stance prominently displaying his metal arm—and dear lord, what Tony wouldn’t give to get a closer look at that beauty—instead of curling around it like he wants to hide it from the world. His entire posture conveys calm confidence instead of the usual worn-down guilt and his eyes are cold and emotionless as they assess their surroundings.

This, Tony knows with complete certainty, isn’t Bucky or Barnes, this is the weapon Hydra spent decades shaping and perfecting. This is the Winter Soldier. And even as a part of Tony recoils in disgust at the mere thought of the horrors Barnes must have suffered, there is another part that can’t help but applaud the fine job they have done.

Then Barnes moves, the suddenness of the motion catching Tony by surprise, and Steve lunges and it all goes downhill from there.

It is a small mercy that Tony doesn’t keep anything irreplaceable on this particular floor.

“It’s an instinctive response to highly stressful, emotionally taxing situations,” Sam explains once they have finally manoeuvred Barnes into the hulk containment room, much to Steve’s displeasure. “Slipping back into Hydra’s programming serves as a means to protect himself, emotionally and physically.”

“He doesn’t always attack,” Steve hurries to pacify. “Mostly he just stays in a corner and watches until he’s calmed down again but sometimes something startles him and that’s when he lashes out.”

“I need to sleep,” Tony says and that is the end of the discussion.

When Tony wakes up some twenty odd hours later, he isn’t sure what to expect. For Steve to guilty avoid eye contact for a few days probably and for Sam to not steal any of his bagels because neither of them has seen it fit to inform him of the highly efficient killing machine Barnes occasionally turns into.

Tony may or may not be a bit pissed about that.

Barnes on the other hand he expects to keep his distance even more than usual, if that is at all possible. Clearly the man is weighed down by his guilt, which, well. Tony certainly knows how that feels. He also knows how enticing the prospect to run away from it all is—and how well that usually works. You can’t blame a man for trying though.

What Tony doesn’t expect is for Barnes to approach him.

They are in the kitchen, which makes sense because now that Tony thinks about it Barnes doesn’t have access to his workshop. Barnes is definitely completely Barnes too, down to the lowered eyes, unhappy curve of his lips and hanging shoulders. He’s eluding such an aura of misery that makes Tony sort of want to grab a hold of his arms and shake him until he stops.

“Uhm. Stark.” It sounds like a question. Barnes clears his throat, fingers nervously playing with the hem of his shirt and Tony bites his bottom lip to keep quiet because this is physically painful to witness.

“I- I wanted to,” Barnes clearly struggles though Tony is unsure whether it’s because he struggles to remember how to use his words or because he simply doesn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry,” the man finally manages, voice raw and eyes wide and vulnerable.

It’s a look that feels like a punch in the gut, leaves Tony gasping for breath and close to speechless but he forces himself to answer anyways.

“It’s not a problem, Buckaroo,” Tony chirps, notes Barnes’ forehead crinkle in confusion at the nickname, “Pepper’s been wanting to remodel that floor for months anyway, says the colour pattern was off, which, ridiculous, right? You’ve seen the room, why would it look better in pastel and mint green?”

Barnes tilts his head and musters up the faintest of all shrugs but it quickly becomes apparent that he has used up his daily quota of spoken words for now. Tony doesn’t mind, fills the silence with his usual babbling as they both wait for the coffee maker to pour what essentially amounts to Tony’s life elixir into a cup.

When he finally turns around again Tony is alone, no sign of Barnes’ presence or where he might have gone. He could ask JARVIS of course but Tony doesn’t see the point.

“Keep an eye on him, buddy,” he mutters.

Tony swears the AI sighs in exasperation.

“Always, Sir.”

Perhaps there is more left of the original Bucky than Tony has initially expected after all.

When doors to the elevator open it takes Tony all but two seconds to take the entire situation in. Barnes is, once again, curled up in a corner, violently shaking his head while Steve is trying to talk him down, voice infused with as much calmness as possible. Sam is nowhere in sight. Considering the time he is probably out on a run.

“How long, J?” Tony asks reflexively, even as he slowly approaches the duo. The answered “Approximately seventeen minutes, Sir,” makes him suppress a sigh.

This is really not what he had in mind when he finally managed to escape Pepper’s sharp eyes. Tony isn’t a particularly empathetic person on a good day and today definitely hasn’t been one of those. Still, the last time he left this job to Steve he had to pay a couple of thousand dollars for proprietary damage. Although he can technically afford it, Tony prefers to keep his home intact for as long as possible. There are enough villains blowing it up when they feel like it already, he doesn’t need his own team to do it too.

“Alright then.”

Tony takes another few steps towards Barnes and pointedly sits down on the floor, trying very hard not to think about the disadvantages of this position, should his plan fail and the Winter Soldier lash out again. It won’t be pretty, that much he knows for sure, but Tony has never been good at following his common sense.

Tony is an inventor at heart, making leaps and taking chances is in his nature. It’s the only way to keep moving forward. That’s all he is doing right now, or so Tony tries to tell his pounding heart, and really, when has fear ever kept him from doing what needs to be done?

“Barnes!” Tony calls out, tone firm but free of any aggression. Unsurprisingly Barnes tenses anyways, eyes snapping towards the potential threat with lethal sharpness, but that’s to be expected. As long as he isn’t outright attacking, Tony is going to count it as a victory.

Steve doesn’t seem to share his assessment.

“Tony!”, he hisses, in equal parts confused and annoyed. “What do you think you’re-“

“Shut up, Cap,” Tony commands pleasantly, unwilling to risk alienating Barnes in his current state. He doesn’t have a death wish, thank you very much. Tony promptly proceeds to ignore the spluttering Captain America, who’s thankfully stumbled a couple of steps back and is no longer in Barnes’ direct line of sight. Instead Tony focuses on Barnes, forces himself to hold the man’s scarily intense gaze.

“Barnes,” he calls out again, as commanding as he dares, and Tony has never believed in all that windows of the soul bullshit but right now he swears he can see the ongoing fight in Barnes’ eyes, can read the desperation in the icy shade of blue. Or maybe Tony is hallucinating. He really should have eaten that sandwich JARVIS keeps nagging him about. “Tell me five things you see.”

“Five- Tony, what-“

“I said shut up, Rogers. Barnes!” Tony repeats beseechingly, voice hardening in spite of himself. “Tell me five things you see.”

Barnes blinks, brows furrowing. “I- you,” he forces the word out as though it causes him physical pain, breath heavy and chest heaving.

Tony nods in encouragement, holding up four fingers with his left hand and watching as Barnes’ gaze fixates itself on the digits for a moment before he visibly forces himself to glance around the room.

“Door,” Barnes continues slowly. The intonation sounds off, as though he only half remembers how to say the letters out loud. It makes Tony wonder if it’s easier for Barnes to recall his Russian vocabulary in his current state instead of the English one or if that would make the panic worse.

“Wall,” is Barnes’ next word. Tony’s only holding up two fingers now and it looks like they are on the right track after all. But then Barnes’ gaze flickers towards Steve and what little calm the distraction has managed to impair on him is swallowed up in a wave of pure fear.

Tony sees the exact moment it happens, the way the panic-stricken face slackens and wide eyes narrow in calculation, as easy as a switch that has been flipped. He’s scrambling backwards before he knows it, well-aware that he isn’t going to make it out of the room alive if the Winter Soldier so desires and frantically hoping he doesn’t, because Jesus Christ Pepper is going to be pissed if he leaves her alone with his mess of a company.

Thankfully Steve tackles the Winter Soldier to the ground before they get the chance to find out what assassins do when left unsupervised with fragile, human billionaires. Not so thankfully the Winter Soldier doesn’t take the attack lying down. Tony is getting sick real fast of renovating his living quarters because the modified members of the team lack the necessary control over their superior strength in a fight.

It’s time to take a more active approach to the Barnes Situation, Tony decides and watches with a wince as Barnes’ slams Steve’s head into—or through, it’s hard to tell from his current vantage point—the TV.

“JARVIS, initiate the Big Brother Protocol.”

A week of uncomfortably close observation of all the comings and goings and interactions in his Tower has taught Tony the following facts:

One, Steve is one hell of an amazing friend. The dedication the guy shows is honestly ridiculous and Tony wouldn’t have believed it could be found in real life if he hadn’t watched the evidence on tape. Multiple times.

Two, Barnes is all kinds of fucked in the head. Which isn’t surprising, never mind that it would be hypocritical of Tony of all people to demand sanity of his guests. Still. Tony has been informed about the seventy years of brainwashing part in the man’s CV but there is a difference between knowing it and seeing it.

Three, Steve is completely, utterly hopeless when it comes to dealing with Barnes’ panic attacks.

It is based on these three conclusions that Tony plans his next move.

“Sir,” JARVIS interrupts Tony’s recalculation of the maximum amount of storage he can put into his newest Starkphone mini, “Mr. Barnes is showing symptoms of high emotional distress identical to his usual behaviour patterns in the first stages of a panic attack.”

“Excellent!” Tony claps his hand because it’s been three weeks and he’s started to worry that Steve will never leave his BFF’s side long enough for the man to have an attack without Cap there to make it worse. Then he promptly winces, realising exactly how terrible that sounds. In Tony’s defence though, neither Barnes’ mental state nor Steve’s ability to calm the guy down have have shown any signs of improving.

“Have you notified Cap?”

“As per your request, I have refrained from doing so.” There is no mistaking the disapproval in the AI’s voice, though it has most likely less to do with locking Steve out and more with the rest of Tony’s plan.

“Right,” Tony is already at the door of the workshop and heading towards the elevator, far too used to ignoring JARVIS’ possibly very legitimate concern. “Let’s do this.”

“Sir, are you sure this is wise?”

“Probably not,” Tony admits with a shrug, “But when have I ever let that stop me? Now get me to our snow princess, J.”

There is one moment, right when he steps out of the elevator, where Tony honestly considers abandoning the plan and hiding in his workshop until Steve comes back. Barnes isn’t his problem after all.

Then Tony meets startled blue eyes from across the room and remembers that self-preservation has never been his strong suit for a reason. And really, what is life without a couple of near death experiences?

“You look like shit,” are the first words out of Tony’s mouth and something akin to a smirk withers away on Barnes’ lips before it has the chance to blossom into a full expression.

If anything the words are an understatement. Physically speaking Barnes is taller and broader than Tony but the way he’s currently sinking into himself makes him look brittle, like a harsh slap on the shoulder might break something worse than bones. Barnes’ lips are bitten raw to the point where Tony can make out smeared blood on rapidly healing skin. He is pale, to the point where his skin looks almost grey and his eyes are hazy and restless and so hunted.

Against his better knowledge Tony takes a step towards the curled up man. The motion causes Barnes’ head to snap around, body forced out of the vulnerable position so quickly Tony is sure he must have pulled a muscle or two, and suddenly prey is the last thing the man in front of him radiates. Tony freezes in his place, hands lifted reflexively. Barnes doesn’t attack though, for all that his eyes are void of humanity, and the faint tremor in his hands assures Tony that he hasn’t lost the man completely yet.

“Barnes,” Tony says, a statement and a question in one.

Barnes snarls, a terrible, biting sound and that’s it, Tony knows it, he’s done for. Only Barnes doesn’t close in on him, doesn’t attack. His hands are clenched so tightly by his side, they seem to vibrate with tension though.

“Leave,” Barnes forces the word out between gritted teeth, his focus on Tony slipping for a moment before it returns with the single-mindedness of a hunter narrowing in on its target.

Barnes still fighting the programming, the command is proof enough of that, but from the gasping breaths and sweat gathering on his forehead it’s easy to tell Barnes isn’t going to win this one.

Tony has no intention of letting it get that far.

“Tell me the first five things you can see,” he commands gently. It’s a tone he’s been practicing with a first aid instructor after the last time, supposed to be effective when dealing with people in shock. There’s no reason the same doesn’t apply for brainwashed, enhanced soldiers from the forties, or so Tony hopes.

Barnes’ eyes are flickering again, trying to take in everything at once as his body sags a little, looses some of the unnatural straightness to curl into itself again.

“You’re alright,” Tony continues, tries to keep his voice even and firm the way he has been taught. “You know what to do, you’ve done it before. Look around and tell me the first five things you see.”

For a long moment Barnes doesn’t respond. Doesn’t show any sign of having heard Tony in the first place. Then, Barnes tilts his head sideways, opens his mouth and speaks. It’s a single word, or at least Tony assumes it is, an unrecognisable, garbled mess of a sound.

It’s hard to tell if it’s some sort of wordless yell or Barnes’ attempt at doing as he’s told. But before Tony has the chance to make up his mind, Barnes’ intent gaze finally breaks away from him and this time, when Barnes says “Lamp,” it’s almost the actual, English word.

Tony could hug the man if it wasn’t for the high probability of getting his neck snapped.

“Window,” continues Barnes, the pronunciation audibly harsher compared to how he usually talks. It makes Tony wonder what he considers his native language nowadays. English? Russian? German? Whatever else Hydra’s come up with over the years?

The last two words, “Table,” and “Apple,” come a bit faster. It doesn’t escape Tony’s notice though that Barnes’ eyes flicker back to him in between every word, checking. Whether for signs of displeasure or threatening movements Tony doesn’t know.

“Good,” he says immediately, unwilling to allow Barnes to get lost further in his own head than he already is. “You’re doing great. Now tell me four things you can hear.”

“Voice,” is the immediate response. It catches Tony off-guard for a second, unsure whether Barnes means him or whether there are other voices he should be worrying about. Another question to file away for later.

“Bru-Breath,” comes next, the word catching on Barnes’ tongue before he manages to wrestle it into submission.

He manages the next two words with little trouble and Tony feels the first tendrils of relief rising from the bottom of his stomach. Panic is a complicated thing, Tony knows that better than most people. There are lots of coping mechanisms people have come up with over the years, some more effective than others.

Counting things in an effort to anchor yourself to reality is one of Tony’s favourites. People are different though, and he knows there are others who don’t deal well with an assigned task they don’t see themselves capable of completing. He has once met a guy who has driven himself even deeper into the panic because of the pressure of the countdown. In comparison Barnes appears to do fine, all things considered.

“Tell me three things you can touch,” Tony says, unable to keep his rising confidence from seeping into his tone.

There’s a moment between “Wood,” and “Wool,” where it’s touch and go. Barnes’ visibly looses his focus again, breath picking up until it turns into wheezing pants instead.

Tony clings to the calm confidence he’s started to build up but keeps his encouragement to a simple “Focus onto the cloth in your hand,”, worried that too much noise may do more harm than good.

Barnes hands clench and unclench again, perhaps a habit, perhaps an subconscious desire to reach for his weapons. He rips his sweatshirt beyond saving but manages a choked, “Carpet,” which is a decent trade as far as Tony is concerned.

Two things Barnes can smell end up being “Sweat,” and “Coffee beans.” Both are a fair assessment and Tony doesn’t succeed at hiding the proud smile that occupies his lips without permission at the fact that Barnes is starting to use longer words.

He leads Barnes through a small detour of “six red things in this room,” and “four blue ones,” just to be on the safe side. Only when the tension in Barnes’ shoulders abates, his body reflexively uncurling again and one of his answers ends up being “that fuckin’ lamp Sam never switches off,” does Tony deem it time to end the exercise with one last “Alright, now tell me one thing you can taste.”

Barnes winces at that one, a shadow flashing across the pale face that lets Tony know without doubt he’s made a mistake. The other man remains calm though, the white-knuckled fists by his side the only physical sign of his distress.

“Blood,” is all he says, blue eyes clear but filled with an anguish that is far too human, and Tony knows better than to ask if he means his own.

For a long moment after, the only sound to be heard in the room are their combined breaths. Tony is still standing right in front of the elevator, Barnes now more leant than curled against the wall he’s chosen to hide behind. The silence wraps itself around them like a heavy blanket, warm but stifling in a way that makes Tony’s skin itch.

Surprisingly it’s Barnes who breaks the quiet first.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he mutters, brows furrowing when Tony limits his response to a single question, accompanied by a pointed glance.

“Because you were doing just fine on your own?” The words are dripping with the kind of honeyed mockery Tony should know better than to direct at an enhanced assassin. They come as easy as breathing all the same.

“I could have killed you!” And there it is, a rare glimpse at the rage, the fury that has nothing to do with the savage survival instinct of the Winter Soldier. An emotion purely Barnes that is usually buried too deep under guilt and self-hatred for Barnes to recognise it as such.

“So could Pepper on a war path, those damn aliens or my own liver,” Tony snorts. “Get off your horse, snowflake, you’re not that special.”

“You’re the most infuriating man I’ve ever met!” Barnes growls. Honest to god growls.

“But you haven’t killed me yet,” Tony replies without thought and resolutely suppresses a wince when his words catch up with him. Maybe this is cruel but Tony has never been one to shy away from the truth just because it makes for an ugly picture. “I’ll take what I can get.”

Barnes stays out of sight the next day, but freshly brewed cups of coffee and a variety of Tony’s favourite snacks make it a habit to appear out of nowhere in the most convenient places.

It’s not a thank you exactly. As far as Tony is concerned, it’s better.

For all that Barnes is scarily talented at evading Tony, it takes less than three days for them to stumble into each other again.

It’s a coincidence, but considering Barnes is moments away from turning into a blood-thirsty nightmare and Steve is nowhere to be seen, it’s probably a good one. Tony certainly doesn’t hesitate kneeling down, just shy out of the man’s reach, to make himself useful once more.

It’s not as easy as the last time, if dealing with Barnes stuck between blind panic and ferocious aggression can be called easy at all. Barnes keeps rocking himself back and forth, muttering indiscernible words in Russian. He’s half-gone but still hitting the wall at random intervals, yelling out numbers and single words as though they will somehow give him the strength to endure the maelstrom of blackened feelings swirling behind frightened, blue eyes.

Truth is, Barnes is rapidly losing it. He knows it. Tony knows it. JARVIS probably knows it as well. Barnes keeps fighting though, not giving up an inch for free, and that, right there, is something Tony respects. Too bad it doesn’t change that he needs to get out of here right now, before he shares the fate of his last four TVs.

Despite that Tony hesitates. Because Tony doesn’t like the thought of giving up any more than Barnes does and it’s that reckless determination that drives him to impulsively answer Barnes’ mumbling with the only command he can think of which Barnes might actually recognise.

All of Barnes.

“Cтоп!” Tony calls out sharply and hopes, wills himself to believe this will work. And Barnes freezes, caught off-guard for the first time.

It still takes a lot of counting, Barnes breaking a table and punching three holes into the wall before they’re done, but by the end of it Tony is alive and Barnes is sane again. Or as close to sane as he ever is these days.

Just like the last time Barnes doesn’t thank Tony but neither does he lash out. Instead he closes his eyes and runs a shaky hand through his tangled hair, the picture of hopeless exhaustion.

“I didn’t know you speak Russian, Stark,” Barnes mutters eventually, voice pitched two degrees softer than when Tony has to talks him down. It’s the first time Barnes has used his name, so Tony decides to cut him some slack.

“That’s because I don’t, Barnes.”

Barnes blinks at him, lips twitching like they want to form a smile or a question but have forgotten how. In the end he doesn’t ask and Tony is content to simply sit on the ground and enjoy the feeling of his still beating heart. Besides it’s not even a lie. Four words—Stop and three much less polite ones—hardly make up a language.

Tony suspects it might be time to change that though.

It becomes a regular thing. Tony has JARVIS monitor Barnes for signs of distress, this time with the man’s knowledge and implied permission, and when possible does his best to help Barnes calm down. Sometimes he comes too late. Sometimes it works better than others. Sometimes Steve is there and Tony’s living room turns into a battlefield.

The problem with regular things is, you get used to them. Sure, Tony knows the danger every time he approaches Barnes but it’s less distinctive, becomes a familiar awareness instead. And with every time he watches Barnes slowly wrestle his escalating emotions back under control, Tony learns more.

He learns when Barnes needs verbal guidance and when it’s best to back off and hope for the best. He learns how to tell when Barnes is safe to touch and when he needs to add another round of questions just to be sure. Learns that Barnes appreciates cutting jokes and dark humour once the edge has been taken off. Learns that speaking Russian is fine as well, as long as Barnes has a clear sight of Tony when he does it.

And so maybe Tony doesn’t just get used to dealing with Barnes’ panic attacks. He also gets used to dealing with Barnes. Spending time with him. Being comfortable in his presence.

Things grow from there.

When he has the time to spare, Tony hangs around for a time, even after Barnes is back to himself again. To keep an eye on him, in the beginning at least. And maybe to get some dirt on the Capsicle too.

The point is, they talk. Not always. Certainly not a lot. Sometimes all Barnes does is stare at a wall, eyes so dead Tony wonders if he’s really doing the man a favour by keeping his murderous side at bay. But on other days, Barnes lets things slip. Or asks a question. Or listens.

It starts with a “What’s a LOL?” here and a “I don’t like people touching the arm,” there. Barnes isn’t a good talker by any means, but Tony knows how to fill unwelcome silences and keep up meaningless chatter when the situation calls for it. He rants about stakeholders, board members and politicians, and complains about Steve’s tendency to clean up after him even though Tony is an adult perfectly capable of looking after himself.

“Or hiring your own cleaning stuff,” Barnes interrupts his rant, with less scorn and more humour than one might expect. Tony can’t help but beam at the other man at that, because Barnes has just made his first joke in Tony’s presence and that’s progress. Admittedly, they’ll have to work on the smiling part, but baby steps.

“It still counts!” Tony cries indignantly instead, gratified when Barnes’ smile becomes a shade more genuine.

The inevitable happens eventually.

Of course it does. Counting shit, as Barnes likes to call it, can be a surprisingly effective distraction technique. Especially considering how simple it really is. It is not a miracle cure however and can only do so much to combat a decade-old drill response.

“Sir!” JARVIS calls out, a pointless warning for all that it is part of the emergency protocols.

One moment Barnes watches Tony working on his suit and the next his features blank out. Like a switch that has been flipped the man changes, eager curiosity turning into cool calculation.

The workshop goes into lockdown before Tony has fully processed what's happening. It’s part of the security protocols he has personally installed—because they have all agreed that the only thing worse than Barnes on a killing spree is him not being contained in the Tower whilst on it.

On the bright side, Tony is confident Barnes won’t be able to escape the workshop. With his more recent designs added, it takes far more than enhanced strength to break down his doors. Of course Tony has never planned to be locked in with the man, should he loose control like this.

Which has apparently been an oversight on his part.

Alarms must be ringing all over the Tower by now, but here, behind the thick, sound-proofed walls, the only sound to be heard are the comforting beeps of Tony's machines and whirrs of metal. Help won’t come, won’t even be let through. This time there won’t be a Cap to fight the Winter Soldier until Barnes comes back to himself.

Careful not to make any sudden movements, Tony slowly puts the hammer down onto the table. Then, against all instincts, he turns his back on the suit to faces Barnes instead. He hasn’t spent the last weeks coaching this man on how to handle his panic attacks to fight him to death now, dammit.

There must be something wrong with him to feel this anger instead of fear, Tony considers absently, then dismisses the irrelevant thought. Focusing on the Winter Soldier, who has by some miracle not yet moved, instead chooses to appraise Tony from a distance, seems far more important.

And honestly, Tony has forgotten how striking the differences between this guy and the Barnes he has come to know are. It’s in the way he stands, broad shoulders drawn back and spine straightened with steel. A posture built on pride and confidence, two things Barnes decidedly lacks. It’s in the tilt of his head, lowered but not bowed. A fortress not built so overwhelm as much as to endure whatever enemy it may face. And then here is the sharpness to the Soldier’s eyes that makes them appear lighter, almost colourless, in the brightly lit workshop, and all the more lethal for it.

Then the Winter Soldier speaks, gruff and throaty but still recognisable as Barnes' voice on its most fundamental level.

“Вы не укладчик.”

You are no handler.

It could be anything, from accusation to compliment. The Winter Soldier’s countenance is free of any cues and it’s this, the complete lack of aggression, that makes Tony answer honestly. He's suddenly very glad to have invested some time into improving his Russian.

“Верный,” Tony agrees. He wonders how much of Barnes’ knowledge the Soldier has access to. How much of it he is capable of understanding.

The Soldier’s gaze dances across the room almost lazily, but Tony doesn’t doubt that he’s memorising every little detail. The Soldier still hasn’t attacked though. Instead an eerily calm aura has settled around the man, a thin layer of pretence trying to cover the rumbling beast within, and just as reassuring. Tony has a hard time deciding whether or not he should worry about that.

“You create,” the Soldier comments, gaze sweeping over the half-dismantled armour. The words aren't phrased as a question and it's this certainty that steals a derisive laugh from Tony’s throat before he remembers himself.

“I don’t create,” Tony sneers, unprepared for how easily this man, who is and isn’t Barnes, gets under his skin, brings memories of missiles and drones and ashes alive, along with every emotion attached to them. “I burn.”

For a long moment the Winter Soldier stares at Tony, as if to measure his sincerity.

Then, he smiles.

It’s biting and feral and blood-thirsty, and in all likelihood the single most terrifying thing Tony has ever witnessed. It’s also the first time he has seen Barnes’ face smile at all and it’s beautiful.

“Good,” the Soldier states. He sounds like he means it.

Tony spends the next hours pondering those words, cursing all his life choices up to this point and eventually continuing his work whilst pretending he doesn’t share the room with a trigger-happy assassin. Glacial, blue eyes watch him silently.

After The Incident, as Tony likes to refer to his encounter with Winter Soldier, Barnes goes back to avoiding him again. Which, whatever. It’s not like Tony misses hanging out with the man or anything. They have barely spent any time together outside of their little pseudo therapy chats, it would be pathetic of him to consider Barnes a friend because of it.

Not that Tony doesn’t see Barnes because the other man stops by every once in a while. In a manner of speaking.

It seems that the Winter Soldier has decided stalking Tony is a rewarding way to spend his free time and he makes it a point to drop by whenever possible. And if Tony just happens to be in a highly secured room beyond the Soldier’s reach or someone stands in his way? Well. He makes his displeasure known. Loudly.

As it turns out, one is never too old for a temper tantrum.

The funny thing is, when he gets his way the Soldier doesn’t actually do anything. He just stays in the corner of the workshop that has unofficially been declared as his and watches Tony tirelessly, sometimes for hours to no end. When Tony leaves the ‘shop, the Soldier follows in his shadow, observes movies and dinners from the sidelines. He doesn't participate, doesn't interact with anyone, just stays in Tony's shadow like it's the most comfortable place to be.

The first time the Soldier dropped by he almost gave Tony a heart attack, the engineer having been caught up too far in his own head to notice JARVIS’ warnings, but by now he has gotten used to the constant presence looming at his back. More than is probably wise.

What is much harder to get used to is the way the Soldier becomes Barnes again, a change too subtle to pick up on until it has already been completed. Sometimes Tony is too distracted to notice and Barnes simply disappears in the background with remarkable similarity to his other self. On days like today though, Tony has the questionable pleasure of watching the process first hand. It starts with the slumping posture and drawn together eyebrows, the unhappy turn of the corners of Barnes’ mouth as he takes in his surroundings.

At least there is no more panic and shock over where he is. Barnes has probably gotten used to this as much as Tony has. But the way Barnes immediately turns on his heels is still a bitter pill to swallow. It’s stupid, but Tony is tired of seeing the other man walk away from him.

“Barnes,” he calls out, gratified when Barnes pauses, shoulders tense, one hand already stretched out towards the door handle. Barnes doesn’t turn around but when Tony forcefully clears his throat in the silence stretching between them, he finds himself thankful for not having to face the man.

“You’re welcome here,” Tony ends up saying, voice a fraction too raw to hit the casual note he has been aiming for. “All of you is.”

Tony doubts Barnes believes him but it needs to be said. There are a lot of things that need to be said and they have to start somewhere.

“’S not wearing off,” Barnes says out of the blue, breaking the comfortable quiet they’ve fallen into.

It’s been a less intense panic attack, as far as Tony can judge. Barnes had calmed down almost all on his own, by the time Tony joined him, but that hasn’t stopped Tony from slipping back into the familiar role of the coach without a thought to their recent difficulties.

Now that Barnes is sitting on the ground, back against the wall and palms pressed flatly against the ground, focusing on him is no longer appropriate and Tony, who never lacks the words to talk about nothing, finds himself floundering.

“What do you mean?” he asks in a low voice, wary of breaking the unspoken truce.

“The freak-outs,” Barnes shrugs, the motion so slight it’s barely there. “The programming.”

Here he sighs, the action carrying a resignation that stems from somewhere deep within his very soul and leaves Tony feeling strangely like the air has been sucked out of his lungs. Turning his head sideways and allowing it to rest against his shoulder, Barnes’ fixates his vacant stare on a blank spot on the wall to Tony’s left and just- sags.

“Him.”

Tony doesn’t need to ask whom Barnes is talking about. He wants to though, because then at least he would have something to say instead of scrambling for words that refuse to come. When exactly has anyone seen it fit to turn him into a psychologist for traumatised ex-prisoners of war?

“It might help if you’d stop running away from everything,” ends up being what he says and Tony doesn’t need to see Barnes’s face to know that this is not how you comfort people. It’s too late to take the words back now though, so Tony plunges on like he always does. “You’ve got Capsicle and Sam watching your back. You’ve got SI’s doctors and the best brainwashing experts money can find at your service any time you want.”

“Stop!” Barnes hisses but Tony refuses to listen now that he has gotten into the swing of it, glares right back instead.

“No, I won’t!” he snaps, frustration, helplessness and the arctic but still too warm eyes of the man everything boils down to pushing the words he’s been biting back since Steve has first dragged Barnes through his door months ago finally forward. “Those panic attacks you’ve been experiencing for months, they aren’t just magically gonna disappear. Maybe they never will but sitting around, worrying over the next one won’t do shit! You need to deal with it. Find your triggers, learn to work around them, figure out loopholes, sources of comfort, whatever it takes. But stop your fucking pity party and do something!”

By the end of his rant, Tony is left breathless by the force of his own emotions. His simmering anger though has nothing on Barnes, who jumps to his feet in one fluid motion, whirls around and slams his fists against the wall so hard Tony thinks he can hear the bones break.

“I can’t!” Barnes screams. Then, quieter, a wounded sound fuelled by an entangled mess of agony and fury, “I can’t.”

The defeated aura clinging to Barnes like a heavy cloak that drags his head deeper under water is unbearable.

“Nobody expects you to be fine,” Tony states eventually, unable to cling to his own anger in the face of such unconditional capitulation, yet equally unable to accept it. “You have been the longest prisoner of war ever recorded. You have been tortured, experimented on, brainwashed and frozen alive. You have been used and abused for decades. That would change anyone and the fact that it’s changed you is no mark against you, do you understand that? Because you know what, Barnes?”

Tony’s body moves almost against his own will, and it’s the first time Tony is glad for his comparatively unimpressive height. It allows him to duck under Barnes’ arms and force frosty eyes to meet his own.

“You survived. You went through an unspeakable hell and you made it out alive.” The words hold the unshakeable conviction of someone who has been there, someone who has been remade not in ice but fire, but remade all the same. “You were strong enough to make it through everything Hydra threw at you. That’s how I know you’re strong enough to pick up the pieces now that you’re free.”

“Barnes,” Tony grabs a hold of the man’s broad shoulders and is at the same time surprised and unsurprised when Barnes doesn’t pull away from his touch, “You don’t need us. You don’t need me. You don’t need Steve or Sam or a world-class psychiatrist. But we’re here and we’re willing to help if you want us to.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’ve got a real reputation for seeking help, Stark,” Barnes scoffs.

He hasn’t pushed Tony away yet though, and that is something.

“I didn’t say you have to get help, I said it’s there if you want it,” Tony corrects, refusing to rise to the bait. “You’ve been running from everything since you got away from Hydra and I don’t blame you for that. No one would. But this can’t be all you’re doing for the rest of your life. You’re not with Hydra anymore, Barnes! There are no handlers, there are no orders, and if I’ve got anything to say about it there never will be. You’re free. You have options now, and you need to learn how to use them.”

Barnes averts his eyes but not before Tony notices the bright shine in them. He doesn’t comment on the way Barnes’ hands cling to his forearms strong enough to leave bruises either.

“I-“ Barnes voice trails off then and his grip tightens just a little, forcing Tony to press his lips shut to keep the pained hiss from escaping.

“I remember Bucky,” Barnes chokes out eventually and there is a kind of desperation etched into his expression that belies the oh so simple words. “But I don’t remember being him.” The confession is hesitant, soft almost, but there is no mistaking the shame, the hopelessness in Barnes’ eyes.

Tony swallows, his throat suddenly too dry and his eyes too wet, as though his body fluids have forgotten where they belong. He gets it then, the way Barnes’ shies away from Steve’s attempts to reconcile, the way he avoids anything referring to his life pre-Hydra.

Still.

“You don’t really need to remember him though, do you?” Tony’s question appears to startle Barnes but Tony doesn’t let that deter him. “I mean, who really remembers exactly what kind of person they were five years ago, never mind sixty. It’s who you are now that matters, who you’ll be tomorrow that you should focus on.”

Because when it comes down to it, Tony has and always will be a futurist.

“And how do you suggest I go on a fucking self-discovery trip that with the damn programming stuck in my head?” Barnes demands, anger at ready once again.

“Woah, calm down!” Tony raises his hands. “I know you hate the Soldier but have you ever considered that maybe he isn’t as Hydra as you think he is?”

Silence.

This is why I don’t usually play Dr. Phil, Tony thinks in resignation. He decidedly did not mean to say that particular thought out loud. It’s just a theory, a suspicion that has been growing ever since that first time Tony has faced the Winter Soldier and come out of it without a scratch.

Barnes stumbles backwards as if he’s been slapped, eyes wide and filled with horror. “What-“

“Alright, stop!” Tony interrupts hurriedly before Barnes can work himself into a full-blown rage. “That came out wrong. It’s just, we’ve all worked under the assumption that the Soldier is the programming. Hydra’s ultimate creation, if you will. But we’ve never found any files confirming that assumption and I don’t know about you but if my evil organisation invented a way to slip a second persona I can shape however I want into someone else’s mind, I definitely would have kept the data,” Tony rambles.

“What are you trying to say?” Going from the dread in Barnes’ voice he already knows.

Tony licks his lips, feeling suddenly nervous under Barnes’ intense stare, so eerily similar to the Winter Soldier’s behaviour. Of course if what Tony suspects is true that doesn’t come as a surprise.

“I think we should consider the possibility that the Hydra didn’t create the Soldier at all. You did.”

This time, when the Soldier surfaces, he is anything but docile.

Tony wakes up with a headache bad enough to justify the private hospital room he finds himself in. His thoughts are scattered and foggy, which is why it takes him almost two minutes to come up with a viable reason for the Disappointed Frown Steve is gracing him with from where he sits in the visitor chair.

Right. Barnes. The Soldier. Shit.

“I’m guessing you aren’t here to congratulate me for my continued survival, are you?” Tony jokes with a bleak grin, dimmed by pain and sadness.

“Tony.”

The exasperated disappointment a single word can convey is amazing.

“I take it Snow White pulled a disappearing act again.”

“Tony.”

“Thought so.”

Tony closes his eyes and tries to blend out the world around him to the best of his abilities. Sadly Steve is much too stubborn to give up that easily.

“JARVIS gave me a quick run down but he wouldn’t let us watch the footage. Tony, what did you say to Bucky?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” A smile that holds nothing but teeth hushes over Tony’s face. “Something he didn’t like to hear.”

Tony stares at the package on the table with something approaching deep resentment.

The package appears entirely unmoved.

It’s been delivered two hours ago, close to thirty-two hours after Barnes has knocked Tony out and dropped of the map, and Tony fights the urge to burn the damn thing like his pride demands. Because he knows exactly what he will find should he open it. Stress balls. Twenty-one, to be exact. In an assortment of different colours and materials, just to be save.

They are just an idea, like so many others. Like his damn theory. But it hasn’t escaped Tony’s notice that Barnes’ fingers continue to twitch every once in a while, like he needs to get a hold of something that is no longer there.

So. Stress balls.

It’s a silly idea, stupid really. Not that it matters anymore with Barnes gone, no thanks to Tony.

He kicks the package into a free corner of his workshop and tries to concentrate on the newest report from R&D instead.

It’s a little after two in the morning when Tony stumbles through his abandoned living area. Steve is hunting down a cold trail somewhere in Iowa and Sam has a weirdly regular sleeping schedule for a superhero, so it’s quiet.

Whatever. It’s not like Tony is in the mood for company.

He takes a sip from his glass of very expensive scotch instead, closes his eyes and allows the slight burn in the back of his throat to take off the edge of the stress the last few days have brought him.

“You can join me, you know,” Tony says without bothering to open his eyes. Then, as an afterthought, “You really need to stop running off like this. Breaks Cap’s heart every time.”

There is no response, no sound to be heard at all, but when he finally does look, Tony isn’t surprised to find Barnes sitting on the love seat across the table like he has never left in the first place.

A couple of minutes pass in companionable silence as Tony savours his drink and Barnes watches him with an unreadable expression. It’s only after Tony sets down the glass for the final time that he finally speaks.

“I’m sorry.”

Barnes blinks, clearly not having expected that but Tony isn’t finished yet.

“I don’t regret what I said but I should have handled it better, not just thrown all that baggage at you and especially not out of anger.” Tony holds Barnes’ gaze, wants him to realise how serious he is. Because he has had lots of time in the last week to replay their conversation and whatever the right way to broach a topic like that is, the way he did it wasn’t it. And Tony should have known that.

“I have a tendency to do things like this, push too far too fast.” And isn’t that the truth? “But it wasn’t fair of me to just load all this crap I’ve kept bottling up onto you.”

When Barnes just looks increasingly like a deer caught in the headlights, helpless in the face of an apology of all things, Tony decides to hand the poor guy an easy out. Before they repeat the abrupt end of their last talk, because Tony really, really doesn’t want to explain to Captain America how he lost his best friend again.

“Of course you knocked me out afterwards, so I figure we’re pretty much even now.”

That at least gets him something approaching a smile. It’s a tiny, flickering thing, gone mere seconds later, but it’s real.

For a moment Tony considers continuing their last conversation. The thought of having someone to share Bruce’s and his theories of the supersoldier serum with, of his ideas regarding the Soldier’s existence and all their implications, is certainly enticing. On a less logical level though Tony is well aware that Barnes may not be the best person to discuss these things with. Not yet at least.

Maybe some day.

“So,” Tony drawls, “You’re here to stay?”

It comes out a lot more like a question than he intends but when Barnes gives a short nod, Tony doesn’t find it in himself to care.

“Great!” he scrambles to his feet with more energy than Tony has felt in a while. “Follow me, I’ve got something for you.”

Tony does his best to hide it but when Barnes falls into step beside him, an uncomfortably tight knot in his chest finally eases.

That night Tony falls asleep with a gentle smile on his face as a shadow with glacial eyes watches over him.

The sad thing is that, for all his genius, Tony doesn’t notice the developing pattern that follows Barnes’ return at all. Oh, he notices the small things, the incidents and shared moments, but he��s too close to the situation, too involved, to take a step back and look at the entire picture. Or perhaps he is simply too obvious.

Steve and Sam aren’t.

For Steve’s heightened senses it’s hard not to pick up on the way Bucky keeps counting under his breath sometimes or begins to tap a rhythm on a nearby surface at random times. There is no apparent reason for those actions as far as Steve can tell, except that they somehow help Bucky calm down—and never fail to make Tony smile when he notices them.

It’s Sam who first notices that Tony has stopped calling Bucky ‘Barnes’ and instead seems to prefer a variety of nicknames ranging from snowflake, Snow White and Jimmy The Second all the way to sugar cake and rainbow-flavoured muffin heart. Ridiculous nicknames is something Tony is known for though, which is why Sam doesn’t think much of it.

The same can’t be said for the first time Bucky calls Tony sunshine.

In fact, once he processes it, Sam promptly chokes on Natasha’s favourite tea whilst Steve stares at his old friend like he has just revealed a magical cure to every sickness imaginable. Natasha raises a single eyebrow at them and asks what exactly they thought the term cолнышко the Winter Soldier prefers when referring to Tony means.

Sam wisely doesn’t point out that pet names have been the furthest thing on his mind where the Winter Soldier is concerned.

It is around that time that the touching starts. A light hand on Bucky’s arm to keep him calm and centred where Tony used to keep his physical distance. An excited half-hug after a scientific breakthrough and less than three hours sleep the previous night. It’s not overt exactly and Steve wouldn’t have thought all that much of it, if not for the fact that it doesn’t seem to make a difference whether it is Bucky or the Soldier who is in control. Not a difference for Tony at least, who reaches out to either one without hesitation. It is around that time that Steve starts researching a topic SHIELD’s modern day introduction has only briefly covered: the LGBT+ community. Clint, Sam and Natasha meanwhile continue placing their bets.

It’s the falling asleep that really stands out to Sam. Because Tony seems to put a lot of effort into always being as loud and energised as possible, and so of course everyone notices when their resident genius falls asleep at the dinner table or during movie night. That doesn’t mean it’s a common occurrence. But when it happens Tony always and without fail falls asleep on Bucky. Or curled around him. Or by his side.

And Bucky, Sam can’t help but grin, makes it his personal mission to ensure nobody disturbs Tony’s sleep. Clint has tried to play a prank on Tony one time and never again, and even Natasha makes it a point to stay out of their way.

When Bucky eventually joins them on missions, there is an unspoken rule not to mention how their enemies have a way of dying mysteriously and very violently when they come too close to Iron Man or the Winter Soldier. Not to forget the flirting over the comm lines, which, coming from Tony Stark and Bucky Barnes, is exactly as subtle as you would expect.

There are days where Sam wants to shake the two most stubborn, obvious men he has ever met—and that is saying something, considering he is friends with Steve Rogers—but then. Then he watches the Soldier squeeze a small stress ball in his hand with a focused expression that wouldn’t be out of place on a battle field. Observes Tony’s brilliant smile as he talks about improving the durability of the material. Sees Bucky whisper a quiet “Cпите мой пучик,” into the dozing engineer’s hair. And Sam can’t bring himself to say anything at all.

They’ll figure it out, he thinks with a surge of exasperated affection. Eventually.

It’s done. *lets out deep, relieved sigh* I hope you guys enjoyed it!

144 notes · View notes