#me: no because I know only hate. hate. hate hate hatehatehate-

[varpusvaras]

First hike of the trip! Got to go see Viiankiaapa before those bastards at the mining companies can get their hands on it...

[lazeecomet]

HATEHATEHATE microsoft edge and how it and google are just getting in the way of anything web legacy

So there is this device at work. its called an EPD. the name is not important. all you need to know is that it has an IP address 192.168.X.XXX that you need to connect to it in order to get data.

for whatever reason the company that makes it just hasnt updated the UI or interface since 2005 because this thing does NOT work on modern browsers.

well.... it works mostly that is. except for the chart. it can display a realtime graph of Important Data that i need to look at in order to calibrate it. the chart does not work in edge. it does not work in chrome

it needs java

AND NOT ONLY THAT

it needs ActiveX Controls

BUT NOT ANY NORMAL ONES.

Noooooo it has to pretend to be a website to download you an unsigned ActiveX Control driver? extension? IDK what it is but you need to install it.

but we are getting ahead of ourselves here. suffice it to say, the computer that would NORMALLY display this chart got reformatted and now it cant. so i used my laptop

so i opened Interet Explorer because that is the program that works

Edge opens the MSN homepage instead.

thats not what i want. i tried Edge. it cant display the graph. I open Internet Explorer again

edge opens another MSN homepage window

i install google chrome. it also doesnt work. they are both chromium after all. i try to install firefox. its blocked on the network. i need to prevent edge from closing IE

with a little google-fu i rename my BMO or whatever folder in my edge folder to prevent it from openening Edge when i want IE

it doesnt work

i do some more google-fu and disable my extension settings to prevent the BMO thing

another MSN homepage opens

I start digging into the forums on HVAC websites because these guys are having the same problem only with AC units. I find it. I have to create a VSB file that force opens the website with edge. cool.

whats a VSB file?

after an hour of fucking around just TRYING to OPEN IE so i can use the browser that can display the chart i have created a VSB file that OPENS IE ON THE IP ADDRESS OF THE EPD UNIT

the graph doesnt work. i need java

the java webpage doesnt load on ie

i download it with chrome

still doent work. i have to enable it in my extensions from IE

THE GRAPH DOES SOMETHING!

it asks me to download something. i say yes

edge tells me it blocked an unsighed ActiveX Controls program from running.

what the fuck is ActiveX Controls? can i download it somewhere else?

NOPE! its backed into IE. you gotta go into your internet settings and basically turn off all your security or add the website to your list of trusted websites

my trusted website list is controlled by IT. i cant change it. the weakest settings i can enable still result in the program being halted.

i have apparently generated several dozen automatic support alerts as every time i try and run it it sends a warning to IT that i am accessing a potentially dangerous site

its taken me 2 hours and i have not even started calibration.

i am forced to do the backup method of just blindly assuming everything is working and downloading the CSV file later. this too ends up not working but for reasons i will have to figure out tomorrow. the data is there but the math is wrong.

fucking hate edge and its backwards incompatiblity

[kquil]

Hello!! Can I have a 🧁? Thnx!

Soo I haven't done this in a while, lol..

I'm shortish at 163cm, curvy and have long auburn curls and amber eyes. You could say I'm a bit cute, but I'm very insecure about my weight, so yeah. Gods this sounds a bit like My Immortal. Moving on.

I'm an extroverted introvert? Like I prefer being alone, but can enjoy good company every once in a while, and sometimes you'd think I like the sound of my own voice a bit too much? I'm all about knowledge and loveeee socio-economic politics etc. I'm a bit stuck up like that I suppose, kinda snobbish tbh. What can I say, I like good quality stuff, like not cheap and think and awfully stitched synthetic fabrics, it doesn't have to be bloody 100% hand spun and made alpaca wool, but cmon, yk? I grew up with a very strict the-curtains-are-never-just-blue kind of mother (french and flute and ballet, and learning the savoir-vivre front-to-back, the whole she-bang, you know the drill). I'm like her more than I'd like to admit, in more ways than one.

I'm a very autonomous person, and hatehatehate depending on others even for the simplest things. I have a lot of patience usually, but improper behaviour and lack of manners will get a rise out of em pretty quickly. I'm a cat person too.

When it comes to PDA, not a fan. I'm shy when it comes to intimacy, but also think it kinda improper.

Love books, hate how most ppl teach stuff- you could call me an independent researcher at soul, but have quite a bit of biases. (Eg, with barely knowing anything about evolutionary psychology, I essentially called it a useless waste to my mentor the other day. I think my exact words were "it seems a bit far fetched to be truthful")

Yea, did I mention I use a lot of brittishisms? I'm not even a brit, English is my second language, idk what the deal is with that.

Also I'm a slytherin, if that wasn't obvious so far. When i first took a test and it said so, I retook it feeding it the proper answers to make me a raven, because, and I quote, "being ambitious is just being smart about how you wanna live your life". Yeah. Still stand by that statement, just have rejected the hp canon and jkr as a whole in the meantime (her horrid ideas too).

I drink my tea an dmy coffee strong and with no sugar nor milk. I love books, and bodies of water (esp the sea!!!), and thunderstorms and greenery. Also ostentatious rose gardens and glass and wrought iron greenhouses and glass domes on indoor gardens etc. Yes, I have my dream mansion sketched out for when I'm rich ever since I was 9ish. I'll just say I need to be filthy rich because it includes a private groove AND lake. I think the word you're searching for by now is "delusional"

I'm a stereotypical Slytherin I think. Even my all-time fave music genre is a tie between classical and jazz (though I do love rock and punk too)

This is getting too long, so I hope it's enough! Thanks in advance!!!

PS I have two names, the first of which is horrid, but means Sapphire One, and I go by my second, Alexandra. Much too ostentatious to have both of these, I know, but I quite like "Alexandra".

wow! truly a slytherin through and through haha! thank you so much for requesting darling, im sorry it took so long for me to deliver on and i don't know if this is up to your standards but i did my best!

I ship you with sirius black 

i. in actuality, you two started off as enemies and eventually became lovers, growing up together since young from very prominent slytherin families only to be sorted in rival houses instead. it didn’t take until 6th year for the two of you to blossom a romance with each other, it was after reaching an understanding of each other’s personal difficulties growing up that the two of you grew close, slowly growing closer until you made it official. sirius became the person to balance you out and him, you. you both learned to be better people through each other. 

ii. sirius loved how independent you were but also loved getting a rise out of you by being annoying, he loved getting your attention through that, knowing that you loved him too much to really sink your teeth into him, unlike the unlucky people he’s seen get a tongue lashing from you — he is not envious of them. he likes knowing that he can get away with things around you whereas other couldn’t, it made him feel special and, although you knew what he was up to, you always indulged him anyway. one thing you loved about him was that he made you feel so confident and loved, to the point where the insecurities you had of your body and appearance just disappeared because he loved everything about you, every good point, every star quality, every flaw…he loved those about you the best. 

iii. he’s the one who slowly eases you into soft PDA, he knows you aren’t going to be the type to make out in front of people or sit in his lap blatantly when in a group setting but he wants to always be holding your hand or have his hand on your waist or play with your beautiful auburn hair. he loves whispering his admiration for you into your ear when you least expect it as well, some times he’d speak it in french just to add that additional touch of romance to it. 

iv. he understands your love for ostentatious things, the two of you are common in that regard. and, being someone who took pride in everything he did, he was sure to shower you in all the opulence you were willing to receive. at some point in your relationship, he had acquired the perfect balance of gift giving to keep things special between you two without it being too in-the-face of others. he would take you on these really grand dates, get-aways, if you will, where the two of you indulge in all your favourite things as well as his, sharing and making memories together. He wants you to always be surrounded by beauty, because that’s what you deserve and you appreciate him so much for it. 

v. he knows how to make you your tea and coffee and you know how to make his, he knows what books you like to read and the music you enjoy and you know the same for him — the two of you are equal in that you share your interests and act on them for each other. in the beginning, you felt as though your ideal life one day were just delusions but he promises and made those delusions a reality for you. he loved that you knew exactly what you wanted and he delivered on every wish as best he could because he would do anything for his princess

1K MILESTONE EVENT : CLOSED | NAVI.

[cavefairy]

work (and also just. everything) sucked today wough. rlly rlly long vent under cut ig

tbh we shouldnt have even been open its a fucking holiday. it wasnt even that busy all things considered, but we were wildly understaffed (there was literally 5 of us in the entire arcade. which is the minimum we need to function. so already Not Good) and i was exhausted after staying up late last night. so i get there 20mins early, stop n chat with the person on dark ride (bc hes super nice and rlly good to talk to and i like working w him. he went home when i clocked in tho), and im having a decent day at that point. we had taken down the christmas stuff in the morning and toast had been extra vicious bc ig she wanted to play w all the ornaments n shit, but anyways. i kill time, then drop my shit under the golf shack counter and clock in. i havent even been in redemption for 2 minutes when one guy is like 'hey [person at laser tag] wants to know if youll head over to laser tag' and im like 'yeah okay' and i go over there and that person is going on her break. and the other person that was on laser tag swaps to dark ride. so im by myself, which isnt allowed, we have to have 2 people on laser tag at all times. so that... wasnt great. the other person thats supposed to be at laser tag was a few minutes late, but they were there in time for me to run the game that needed to start. so we're doing fine, we're alternating games, and then im like 'hey, im gonna take over dark ride when their shift over there is up' and the person with me just looks at me. and now im getting nervous like i fucked up. and they say to me 'well whos gonna be on laser tag then' and IM CONFUSED bc they were scheduled for laser tag and i dont understand what they mean. so i responded 'arent u scheduled over here' and they say 'yeah but i was gonna go to redemption with [person who had asked for me to come to laser tag] after her break'

and at that moment. im like. oh. we're gonna play musical shifts bc you two wanna work together. got it. so i dont argue it anymore bc i have a game to run and we cant discuss it anymore at that time. after i came out of that game, the guy who was on dark ride swapped with the person who was on break, and he went to redemption. so im still at laser tag with the same person. and we go back to our alternating games and talking shit abt the schedule bc HOLY FUCK. we cant be doing this with only 5 people. anyways, we do that for a while and then the person on dark ride asks if i can close it tonight. and im like yeah okay, i hate doing it but i can if i need to. and then instead of waiting until closer to 8 so im only there an hour, the guy that had started at laser tag comes back and asks me to head to dark ride at 630. so the person at dark ride goes to redemption, that guy goes back to laser tag, and everyone is technically where they were scheduled to begin with (dark ride is a 'you sign up for a shift during whatever ur scheduled for' so with me being technically scheduled for redemption i was also kinda supposed to swap out for dark ride at some point). and i hatehatehate dark ride. its loud. i need my earplugs in order to be near it. thankfully i usually have them, so i was okay, but i was running it for 2 and a half hours. 630 to 9, and we close at 9. it didnt go awfully, everyone that came thru was rlly nice and it was fairly chill. but then closing happened. now, one of the 5 people that were in arcade was one of the leads. i love her dearly, shes awesome, but she was scheduled to get off at 9, so she didnt help w closing stuff.

so the 4 of us remaining closed the whole arcade. i did all of dark ride's stuff, and gathered all of the arcade trash. and therein lies the biggest source of holy fuck i cried. because. not only is that like, 10 trashcans, but i kept running out of trashbags. so the first trashcan, it had soda in the bottom. no big deal, i just have to go dump it out and clean it (running a bit of water w soap into it and swooshing it around, and then drying it with a rag). okay, great. i get that, get thru a few more cans, and have to wash out another. the second one, i accidentally get some of the icky cleaner-water on my jeans and one of my shoes (my favorite sunflower slip-on vans). so that rlly just. put me right on the edge of my breaking point. i get thru the rest of arcade's trash EXCEPT for laser tag, and i run out of trashbags. all of them. and im like well what the fuck do i do now. so i ask the manager thats supposed to be closing us out (i like him, hes nice), and hes like 'go see if [place over by bowling area] has some'. so i go take 3 of their 4 remaining trashbags (had to grab one for the person who was cleaning the bowling area, she needed one), and take my 2 to laser tag to get their trash. lo and behold, a third trashcan i have to clean. im fucking DONE at this point. i cant do it anymore. my eyes start watering, im stomping into the kitchen to go clean it, the manager comes in and is grabbing something and i just. id started ranting out loud and tbh i dont think he minded i think he understood why but i was just like 'im done im quitting i cant do this anymore. i cant do it. today fucking sucked im done i cant do this' and then i started crying. the first time, anyway. hes nice abt it and he just gently asks me to turn the lights off when i leave the kitchen and its FINE its GREAT i take the now-clean trashcan back to the laser tag area and go to take the trash to the compacter. and man. there is a bigass pile of bags and boxes in front of the garage door where the compacter is. so i open the door to dump the trash in, and wow. the compacter is full. and not working. so i cant do anything. i go back, ask the manager, he says to just leave the trashbags on the pile and bring the big trashcan back to where it goes. so i do. and im upset and im done and im holding it in and he comes over to dark ride while im grabbing my bag and the walkie and he asks 'are you okay ?' and i just. snapped. i wish i hadnt said it the way i did but i just went 'no !' and the tears started up again. i was full-on fucking SOBBING at work. the person id been at laser tag with, one of my favorite people, she comes up to me bc im heading into redemption to put the walkie away, and she asks whats up and walks with me and lets me vent at her for a minute, and on the way out she stopped me and told me to breathe and talked me thru most of the tears and hyperventilating enough for me to talk clearly again. she hugged me and just let me cry for a sec and then made double sure i was okay to drive, and then we parted ways at the door. i headed to walmart cos i had to get stuff for my car (gotta change my oil this weekend), and walking around helped. i got a snack and things were alright for a while.

yeah. something else had to go wrong. abt 15 mins out i got a fucking flat tire. i live an hour from work. i was 45 minutes from home. and i stop, i look at the tire, yep its flat, and get back in the car to call dad. no answer. call mom, she answers. i apologized for waking her up, told her i had a flat, and she woke dad up to come take a look. she talked to me for the whole 45 minutes it took him to get to me. i ate my snack, told her abt work, and finally dad showed up. i let mom go back to sleep, and he looked at my tire, and yeah. it was unfixable, at least in the dark. hes gonna have to go rescue my car and take it to get new tires tomorrow (technically, today. all the car shit went down at 11pm. its currently about 130am). we just got all my important stuff out and locked it, and left it where it was bc we couldnt fix my tire. he drove me home, and here we are. im exhausted, im gonna sleep in tomorrow, and im gonna try to have a chill day. i cannot take another thing going wrong right now.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 195

Happy Tuesday! Sorry I forgot to queue, so the chapter is just under an hour late...

Realistically, I know a lot of people don’t notice when these are just an hour or two late, but I hatehatehate being late on anything.  I try to queue these, but it makes it hard to thank any new followers or readers week after week, so it goes back and forth.

Speaking of! @centauressalison, @i-dont-give-a-fucky, @nioddstuff, @adasaiden, @pancake17, and @vulgarvulpine, all the hugs you want, plus cookies, popcorn, or any other goodies. I see you!

Thanks to @baelpenrose for his beta-readership, as always!

I was taking my daily run, carefully dodging other people as I made my way through the weird half-dawn phase we were currently in, when my databand chirped that a voice signal was coming through.  Since I could count the number of people it could be on my fingers and have some left over, I flicked my wrist to answer without losing my pace. “Hey.”

“Hey, Soph,” Arthur’s voice bounced along. “Got a question.”

“Go for it.” Two more miles, I thought, only half listening.

“What - you - boss - “

Gritting my teeth, I held the band a few inches from my ear. “Running, Farro. Say again?”

“What the FUCK did you do to my boss” errupted from my band, rattling my eyesight and sending me stumbling against a bulkhead.

I blinked hard and shook my head to clear it. “What the fuck, Arthur… You didn’t have to shout.”

“Oh.” He sounded surprised. “Sorry, I realized you were running, so I was trying to make sure you could hear me from your waist.”

The urge to smack myself was nearly overwhelming, but I managed to limit it to pinching my nose and stretching my legs. “Not running now. What do you mean, what did I do to your boss?”

“He’s been in a shitty mood ever since he got back from the closed Council.”

I straightened before starting a light jog to cool down. “No clue what you’re talking about. I’m the one who kept his ass in the seat. Wait, why did you assume it was me?”

“Because he likes Pranav and Grey, and Xiomara and Huynh scare the crap out of him. Call it deductive reasoning.” A pause. “What do you mean, you kept his ass in the seat?”

Whoops. “Huynh called a vote to remove him, Grey seconded. Pranav would have been the final vote if I hadn’t talked Eino around. He didn’t tell you any of this?”

“Sophia, he’s Finnish. He didn’t tell me that he hated the tea I gave him as a peace offering for three years.”

“Pretty sure you’re exaggerating.”

“Pretty sure I’m not. Eino rarely tells me anything that isn’t strictly need to know, and ironically, the fact that the sudden promotion Hunyh apparently wanted to give me didn’t happen means the minutiae of Council business still isn’t on that list.”

Ugh. “Yeah. Okay. Short version, Eino was still convinced that the new data we found was a false lead and that we could trust the fleet to politely escort us to the planet they wouldn’t give us new data about.”

“And I’m not suddenly on the Council because you were briefly possessed by what, exactly? If there is a new sentient plague, please kill it with fire, I like the current one.”

I rolled my eyes and slowed to a brisk walk. “I didn’t want to inflict this job on you too soon, tempting as it was. So I just made him listen to the facts, and if he wanted to keep his opinion, I would have let them impeach him with a clean conscience.”

There were a few seconds of silence, but he eventually conceded. “That tracks. I’m assuming there will be more details when you aren’t galavanting through the corridors where everyone and your cat can hear you?”

“You know what they say about assuming…”

I could practically see him waving the comment away in my mind. “I’m already an ass, and you’re pretty good at it. Not too worried.”

“Speaking of asses,” I blurted before the idea fully formed. “Any idea where Eino is right now?”

“We split the Consulary work shift, and Beta is his community shift. No clue what that is.”

I knew exactly what it was - that was my job. “Thanks.”

“I didn’t say anything,” was the last response before the signal ended, halfway through me making an about face to backtrack three levels.

Eino’s community shift was in the aquaponics lab, helping with the thermal mineral spring simulations - specifically balancing the environments and advising on tolerances. I signalled for entry, and as soon as the doors opened, I was smacked in the face with a wall of hot air that was a close first cousin to a cow fart.

Methane and sulfur balances, I groaned as I coughed up a lung and scrabbled for protective gear.  After three or four breaths of clean oxygen, my eyes started clearing. I was able to make out a pair of bunny shoes, realizing I needed to stand up straight.

“Can I help you, Councilor?” a muffled voice asked from behind a full face shield.

Speech still wasn’t happening, mainly because I refused to remove the oxygen tank from my face. Instead, I sent a message typed with one hand. “I need to borrow Eino for half an hour, maybe less.”

A muffled response and a much clearer nod, and the clean-suit enveloped person hurried off.  Unfortunately, Eino must have been in the middle of something important, because my oxygen tank was giving the one-minute warning by the time two bodies returned, one of which nodded behind me to the exit.

No need to ask twice.

Panting in the less humid air, I took the proffered towel and started mopping yellow sweat from my skin. “What on… wherever… are you all working on in there?”

As he finally removed the cowl of his clean suit, I was somewhat gratified to see that Eino had been sweating as well. “Recalibrating the experimental environments to account for the new data. It has been incredibly unpleasant, but necessary.”

“I will take your word.” The towel, by now, was damp and, frankly, stained with airborne particles that had been stuck to me. “I bet I smell terrible.”

“Thankfully, I do not gamble.” what in the - was that a joke? “I can only be spared for twenty minutes, Councilor Reid.”

Cool. Straight to the punch. “What is your issue with Derek Okafor?” When he stared at me in surprise, I clarified. “In the session, you were adamant that he wasn’t a reliable source, that he isn’t an expert in nonverbal language - you did everything in your power to invalidate the information he uncovered.  It could have endangered the entire Ark, what’s left of the human race to our knowledge.”  I took a deep breath before confessing the part I didn’t want to admit. “It was irrational, and completely out of character for you.”

It almost physically hurt me to say, after the way he disparaged Derek, but it was also the truth. I couldn’t accuse him of ignoring reality while doing it myself.

“I have no issues with Mr. Okafor - “

“Don’t lie.”

“Your glares do not work on me, Councilor. I would like to think you had realized that in our decade of working together.” Pulling out another towel, he started briskly rubbing his hair. “I have no issues with his quality of work.”

“Then what is it? You have ten minutes left, and I need to know if I’m going to keep fighting for your job.”

“I doubt it will be necessary, although I appreciate your dedication.” Resting his head against the bulkhead, Eino took a deep breath. “He is so rude,” he sighed.

All I could do was gape. The bluntest, most prickly, most closed off human type being I had ever met thought Derek was rude!?

He didn’t even open his eyes. “Pot, kettle, yes, I understand the irony.” Suddenly, he was staring me down, forehead creased. “He has no respect for privacy, his language is foul, he rambles for long periods of time, and simply broadcasts his emotions and opinions all over the Ark and - “

He was abruptly interrupted by a high-pitched, hysterical howl.  Alarm hit his face like an electric shock and he abruptly stood from the bulkhead he had leaned against with a panicked air.

“Miss Reid, are you okay?”

I nodded, but tears were rolling down my face and I had fallen on my ass, ribs and abdominals aching with laughter. As soon as I halfway caught my breath, another howl of it pealed from me. “You,” I gasped. “Don’t like.” Hunhhhh. “Derek - “ I sputtered for a moment as one laugh tried to come through my mouth and nose at the same time, unfortunately while I was trying to inhale.  After coughing for a minute, I managed to get the whole sentence out. “You don’t like Derek, because he’s a dick?”

It was the most bizarre, surreal, human thing Eino could have possibly admitted. If my ribs hadn’t protested, I would have started laughing again when the next thought occurred to me. “Wait. You’re jealous that he’s a dick and people accommodate that, so he takes advantage of it, but when you’re rude, we don’t scramble to baby you?”

To his credit, Eino looked both horrified and nauseous at the mere suggestion. “Never,” he exclaimed. “I can learn to tolerate your friendliness and oversharing, and Miss Harper’s informative sharing of information which I did not ask for but nonetheless benefit from knowing. Mr. Okafor is simply rude, to the limit of the word. I am only grateful that our work intersects directly so infrequently.”

“So you aren’t jealous,” I admitted, realizing our time was up and his calibrations really were important. “But you don’t like Derek because he’s a dick?”

“If only because we have not fully cloned a whale, possibly the biggest dick on the Ark, yes.”  With that, he snugged his hood and reentered the lab.

To my absolute dismay, I was so busy gasping with renewed laughter that I caught the escaping puff of methane-  and sulfur-tainted air directly in the mouth.

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[pluralsys-confess]

hrrnng i just HATE hatehatehate being told we're invalid bc we have system collapses / because we're very private with our ptsd and keep it to ourselves / neither the ptsd nor osdd-1 were diagnosed. leave me alone, i can only afford testing when the school pays for it and they're not gonna pay for ptsd testing! i don't WANT to be diagnosed with osdd-1, it would wreck my fucking life! leave me alone! you don't need to know about my paranoia and hallucinations to make my disorders real.

☘️

[edourado]

Tagged by royalty, aka @ejunkiet. I love these, and was thinking about making one for myself, so, hoping that the author of these questions will excuse me, I'll add some of my own at the end.

Thank you, darling ♥

favorite color: Lavender, lilac, and a VERY pastel blue and green.

currently reading: Sense and Sensibility, for what seems like YEARS, because I only pick it up when sitting on a bench while my dog judges our neighbors;

last song: Vibing hard to miss Olivia Rodrigo's Sour. "favorite crime" and "happier" are my faves;

last movie: "I Confess!", by Alfred Hitchcock. Anne Baxter was fabulous, but Montgomery Clift was abismal. Sorry;

last series:  The Flight Attendant. Loved it, and I'm curious about the novel that inspired it;

sweet, savoury or spicy?: Yes;

craving: Decadent chocolate cake (I'll probably get up and make one after this);

tea or coffee: Daily, it's tea, but I'm the cringy/basic bitch with my lattes and PSLs whenever I can;

currently working on: Trying to not be so cruel to myself and, at the same time, hold myself accountable for the things happening in my own life. Also sitting in front of my computer not writing at all because my brain cannot find words. It just does not know how to stitch a sentence together anymore. Also reading more and being on the internet less.

And now, for my own:

unpopular movie/TV show opinion: I think the whole Snider Cut thing was over hyped. It was 4 hours of intense soundtrack for a mediocre problem;

a movie you liked and everyone else hated: Elizabeth Banks' "Charlie's Angels". I think it's awesome. Never seen Kristen Stewart so at ease. It motivates me to work out, and I hatehatehate working out;

a movie you hated and everyone else liked: La La Land. Fuck right off;

a movie you think deserved to be more famous: Before We Go, which is Chris Evan's directorial debut. It's so, so, so good;

a show you would sacrifice many others in order to save: Sense8. I don't care. I'd kill the whole of the world's streaming catalogues if it meant saving it;

a fun fact about youself that don't come up in conversations: I'm a pretty good singer, but due to anxiety, I only sing when I'm by myself;

celebrity crush: Chris Evans IS my husband. He just is. Jon is a given. Ben Barnes came back full force with Shadow and Bone. Danai Gurira, because duh. Rachel Brosnahan won my heart with her Mrs. Maisel. I'm forgetting people, which will kill me later;

something you love about where you live: I think Rio is one of the most beautiful cities in the world. The nature here is breath taking. Also has the combo of beach and mountains, which I adore;

something you can't do but wish you could: Play piano and speak many, many languages. Also paint and draw;

One thing the pandemic made you miss, that wasn't even your thing before: partying. I spent years being perfectly content in staying in. Now I cannot wait to just jump and dance around with a bunch of strangers.

Tagging @ejunkiet again, because new questions, @abunnypirate (you changed your name and almost gave me a heart attack because I couldn't find you), @carry-the-sky, @ninzied, @lpdwillwrite4coffee, @myletternevercame, @kteague, @fortysevenswrites and literally - LITERALLY - anyone that feels inclined to answer, just please tag me because I'd love to read them ;)

[isitandwonder]

Thank you for your comments, unfortunately you are also throwing shade at people even when trying to find common ground. We are all biased here, loyal to some of our tumblr friends more than others. And about The King, fandom always has some drama here and there, it dies down, drama and fun in the fandom come hand in hand.

Yeah, guess what, I’m human. I get cranky. I get tired. I’m not  a saint. If all you get from my post is the shade then you really are part of the problem, to put it plain. We are not all ‘biased’, there are def some huge assholes (to put it even plainer) ruining a fandom with their hate and their spite.

People fear to discuss things openly because they fear to be ridicueled and shut down by a handful of bloggers I don’t name here because I really don’t want to call people out. We all know who they are. But if you want me to enlighten you, come off anon in my inbox.

This fandom is a cesspool of hate, not just drama. Hate against people they profess to admire, clad in ‘calling them out on their bs’ - as if they would listen to you! Hate against fellow fans. I’ve never seen anything like it before. And I don’t find it funny. If you think hate is funny, well, again you’re part of the problem. You find delusional theories that people seem to actually believe to the degree that they actively fight and insult fellow fans who might dare to express a different opinion funny? Sorry, some of the people on here are simply brainwashed, spending all their time with hate. It eats you up. Today I read people accusing a journalist of making up an interview - a sacrlilege of their profession - just because they didn’t like it! That’s not biased, that’s diffamation, that’s crazy. That is a real person and you are destroying their livelyhood, their credibility - for what? A ship? A writer you put on a pedestal (a place where he doesn’t want to be, according to his own words)?

It has reached the point where I don’t enjoy the content anymore because it’s either ripped art, stolen pics or gifs or hatehatehate crazycrazy. It’s beyond boring to me. And, apparently, people can’t even leave others in peace, there’s endless bitching... sorry, yeah, I snapped.

I remember coming here almost 2 years ago. It was a small fandom. Some of the long-time fans didn’t like us newcomers, calling us disrespectful... now I understand them. We opened Pandora’s Box - it’s also my fault the fandom is where it is. I fed this monster too. But I also think I took a step back when it became really ugly and out of hand, I even tried to reason with some of the BNFs - only to be called names, an anti, being accused of exploiting a ship I didn’t ‘believe’ in anymore etc.

I tried to keep quiet and civil - but why, honestly? For whom? It doesn’t change anything. I’ve blocked half the fandom and stil have to see the shite they post. So the only resolution is to unfollow and block all and be done with it.

I don’t know who you are nonny but if you ever put your name to an opinion on here you might understand me better. At least with me you know who I am and you know what you get. I stick my head out. And you think YOU can come to ME with another passive-aggressive message, hiding your identity and telling me how to behave? Really?

[dejoovu]

🍬 Get to know me 🍬

i got tagged by the lovely @softmonstaxuwu , thank you so much babyy i love you so much💖💖💖

rules: tag 10 people you want to get to know better

star sign: virgo

height: 158 cm (yes i’m short lol)

put your playlist on shuffle and list the first four songs that pop up

Live And Let Die - Guns n’ Roses

Now or Never - Halsey

Moonlight - Buck Tick

HIT ME - MOBB

grab the nearest book to you and turn to page 23, what line is 17?

-Va bene, così?

Ella gli sorrise, senza rispondere, poiché quelle parole le avevano dato un diletto indefinibile, quasi come un tremolio di dolcezza a sommo del petto.

Il piacere written by G. D’Annunzio

[-Is it alright like this?

She smiled at him, without answering, since those words had given her an indefinable pleasure, almost like a sweet tremble on top of her chest.]

ever had a poem written about you?

yes, from my gf and a few silly ones from my friends lol

when was the last time you played the air guitar?

idk like,,, a year ago?

one sound you hate and one you love

i hatehatehATE the sound of nails, chalk or whatever scraping a chalkboard and i also fucking hate annoying children screaming

but i love the sound of the rain, the singing voice of my grandma and the sound of the celtic harp

do you believe in ghosts?

guess i do? idk, i wouldn’t be surprised if they do exist but i don’t know for sure

do you believe in aliens?

the universe is sooo big, we are not the only ones

do you drive and if so have you gotten in a crash?

i’m still learning how to drive and i’m pretty nervous everytime i hold the steering wheel lol but i can’t wait to have a license

do you like the smell of gasoline?

SO MUCH OH GOD

last movie you’ve seen?

not gonna tell you the title since it’s an italian movie, but it was about a father-daughter relationship and i was really surprised i liked that so much

worst injury you’ve ever had?

i don’t really have had any bad injury, but i once had a surgery to my right eye cause i had some kind of bad sty in it

do you have any obsessions rn?

i don’t really have time for anything right now because of school lol i’m just sleeping a lot whenever i have time and i check tumblr way too much

do you hold grudges?

yes, a lot, but i tend not to show it because i know it’s not a really pretty feature of mine lol

in a relationship?

yes, with my pretty gf💕

-

again, thank you so much cece, you’re a sweetheart💓💓

i would like to tag @xiuhoe @softheony @yeolspirit @heonie-ween @relationshipyard @honey-piggy @mxcodelockscreen @dameviolencia @balmaineoark @moonbebs @vampirehyunwoo and @superiorshownu

love y’all babies, hope you’ll have fun doing this💗

[vagabond-airman]

A couple of the Goddess’ poems (im sorry)

hatehatehate

I still feel like I'm suffocating beneath the weight of your memories

And I hate you and I hate her and I hate the empty cavity in my chest where my heart used to be

And my own insecurities are eating me

God please help me.

I can hardly breath and I can feel my heart shattering and I just want to sleep

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

please

go to hell and take your bitch with you.

I wouldn't hate her but she left my male best friend and dumped the poor guy in front of everyone like he was a joke then she stole him and pretended to like two of my other friends just for laughs so I hate her for a lot of reasons

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6:20 pm

everything we made together kept breaking, and now i think it was a sign.

you made a box with a love note and the moment it touched my hands the door broke.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

S.

dear S.

I hate you. I really, really hate you. Every time I see you, I want to break all the bones you have and light your paper flesh on fire. I want to shatter your dreams like you shattered my happiness. I want to take away anything you have ever loved and will ever love, because you took away the only person who ever had my heart. You cracked three ribs ripping him out of my chest, and it seems you bruised my lungs as well. I am left with broken-glass memories, puncture wounds from snapped bones, and scars beneath my skin. So fuck you. Fuck you for being the springtime girl he always deserved. Fuck you for being the lamb he always wanted to protect. Fuck you and your big blue doe eyes and your fluffy blond hair. Fuck you for being the innocent little bitch he always deserved. Fuck you for being my complete opposite. For being a daisy while I'm just a thorn. For not having devious, hazel, almond-shaped eyes and long, wild brown hair and pale, fragile skin. Fuck you for offering him something I never could.

Fuck you for pretending to be a friend when all you wanted was to steal the only person who ever made me feel.

And I especially hate you for making me into an angry, bitter harpy. Because I was never a violent person. Never this vicious. But you've shown me a jealous, furious side of myself that I never knew existed.

Someday, I hope some pretty girl who is nothing like you rips him out of your chest and breaks everything you try to hang on with. I hope she flaunts him in front of your face and leaves you with destruction and ghosts of things you didn't know you could miss so much. Then, you'll be just like me.

Another broken, beautiful thing, dead at his feet.I was hoping writing this would help me get the pain out. My hate is a wound. This letter is the infection running out.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

dear C.

You left me with ears full of lies and a shattered heart. You told me you'd never leave, and now you're gone. You said you loved me. You said she was just a friend. That she wasn't even attractive. I knew you liked her before you knew, and you tried to hide the fact that you took her to every school dance this year that you went to. I tried to pretend like I didn't notice. You pressed me into walls and couches and fences and kissed me till I couldn't stand, sunk your teeth into my lip during our fights, and swore at me for being stupid before swearing you'd never leave me alone again, because I really do need you and I do a lot of stupid things without you. I know I wasn't good enough. You took her to the place you said you would propose to me at. She wears your jacket everywhere, either because she really likes it or because she breaks the heart of every guy she dates and got fucked in the practice room at school and you really don't want to end up like the guy you stole her from. I hate her face and I don't mean to, but she knew about us and she still ripped you from my chest. I know I said a lot of venomous things to you. I believed you when you said you wanted to marry me. When you got on one knee and asked, I said yes. Clearly, you've forgotten that. I wonder if you're going to marry her now. Yes, it probably seems I moved on fast. I was kissing girls and boys and swapping love notes with saliva and telling someone new I loved her within weeks, but we both know how she is and neither of us meant it. I'm with a new boy now, one that's happy with me and doesn't constantly talk about his first love and lie to me about some other girl. He's mine and I'm his. But you hurt me a million times. You hold her hand inches from my face or put your arm around her like you used to do with me. You shoved me aside, literally, to run to her and throw your arms around her. You are a senior and you graduated yesterday. Well, good. I hope I never see your face again. And within a month of school starting, she'll have replaced you with some other guy.

I'll laugh.

[freak-meister]

1. My current age

2. Yes my two older cousins

3. Yes, ADHD and Dyspraxia

4. Yes very queer

5. We aren't scary you can talk to us. Stop treating us as sub-human and stop using us as an insult. Stop supporting aba therapy and stop supporting hate group aka autism speaks. Listen to autistic individuals not ppl who arent.

6. No

7. Yes very, I don't get the current social trends and ppl who mostly base their personality off of tiktok and stuff cuz most of their ideology I just don't understand (being rude to others for no reason, etx.)

8. Undertale/Deltarune, All FNAF games, Being a Furry, Homestuck(slowly turning into one, I think it might be a hyperfixiation tho), Madness Combat, Friday Night Funking + Mods, Art/Animation, possibly Psychology, Anime, Rhythm Games, Video games, Possibly computers?

9. FNAF/Undertale! or Art/Furry

10. Hand flapping, spinning in chair, and visually/motor stimming with rhythm games

11. You're not crazy. You are wonderfully weird as you said you are, and as you said is a good thing. Never give up. You WILL make it.

12. A few but some I forgot so I will only share a few. Ex: Froppy from MHA, autistic lmao. Cmon, the t-rex stance, the accent/language quirk, everything. Todoroki. Doesn't understand some social cues, doesn't know when to speak, not many understand him. The MC and brother from the Mitchel's and Machines, either that or the MC has adhd and the brother is autistic. The list goes on

13. Creator of Pokemon!

14. Yes

15. Not yet

16. No unfortunately, I think

17. Yes, my fave is the ring that goes up and down your finger as a pressure stim.

18. Yes! But it also depends on what end of the spectrum they are sometimes

19. HEAT!! HEAT SO MUCH I HATE IT!!!

20. Pressure when it's not hot. Cool air after warm air, shaking out energy

21. Usually only to strangers online if they have a certain energy. Not to friends I make irl tho until I trust them enough to.

22. Yes!

23. Well none of the current ones I have have ended yet, so I'd say ever since I was in 2nd grade maybe!

24. Yes! It happens in public sometimes but I usually leave to a quiet space.

25. Yes.more often than meltdowns

26. Mostly. It's not like I cant hold eye contact. It's either I do, or I end up having *too* much eye contact

27. Yes! One that kidna just "ended* recently was a "ee!" one I had everytime I was nervous or excited. A few that occur regularly would be "nya/nyan" *popppopopop* "mrrr!!" "mehmehmehmeh"

28. Since none of them have ended yet I'd say for atleast a year or two

29. Unsure...My cousins definitely.

30. Idk!

31. No

32. French fries

33. None really unless it's extremely spicy or too much garlic and a specific taste in meat i hatehatehate it makes me barf

34. I love hugs!

35. No but I wish

36. It's kinda a unorganized routine but there are some organizaiton

37. Sensory hell unelss I get to be alone

38. Depends, mostly not good

39. Oversized t-shirts

40. Yes! Plushies!

41. Maybe not specifically autistic but neurodivergent in some way

42. One of the reasons why I enjoy rhythm games so much is because it's just so satisfying! Esp mania rhythm games with 4-5k(keys). The satisfaction on your fingers, esp if you're sensory driven like me, feel so nice everytime you correctly tap a key when the notes fall down. This might be way I overplay the same maps sometimes even tho it's not a very productive waste of time if you're trying to improve 😅😅

43. Probably a sound voltex keypad or taiko drum

44. A few on insta and twt, but esp Autisticats! Gives out useful information for those who are on the spectrum, newly realized autistics, and those who support!

45. Dunno!

46. Quiet !

47. Yes a lot!

48. I don't think pokemon is a special interest rather it was a hyperfixiation of mine but I have a pikachu plushie! I also have a plushie of Abbacchio from JJBA!

49. Play most games that are centered around tactic because my spacial-awareness issues spread to games too unfortunately and others get mad at me bc of it. But that doesn't stop me from playing! It's usually why I like to mostly play alone in fps games or games like LoL.

50. I don't have any lol

Autism ask meme

Here's an ask meme specifically for autistic people

How old were you when you found out you were autistic?

Do you have any other autistic people in your family? Or are you the only one?

Do you have any comorbidities? Or just autism?

Are you LGBTQIA+?

What do you wish more people knew about autism?

Have you ever been in a relationship?

Do you find it hard to make friends?

If you have any, what are your special interests?

What was your first special interest?

What are your most common stims?

If you could give any advice to your younger self, what would it be?

Do you headcanon any characters as autistic? If you want, tell us why you headcanon them as autistic.

Tell us an autistic person that you really look up to.

Are you currently in school?

Have you ever received any accommodations for your autism in either school or work?

Do you have any autistic friends?

Do you own any stim toys? Which is your favorite?

Do you find it easier to get along with other autistic people?

What kinds of things are sensory hell for you?

What kinds of things are good sensory wise?

How open are you usually when it comes to being autistic?

Would you say you're proud to be autistic?

What's the longest you've ever has a special interest for?

Do you have meltdowns?

What about shutdowns?

Do you avoid eye contact?

Do you have any vocal stims or echolalia?

How long do your special interests usually last for?

Are your friends and/or family accepting of your autism?

Favorite canon autistic character?

Do you have a comfort item? If you feel comfortable with it, then show it to us.

What are your same foods?

Foods you are sensitive to (maybe because of bad texture for instance)?

Do you enjoy hugs? Or are they sensory hell?

Have you ever used a weighted blanket?

Do you have routines that you have to follow? What's in your routine?

Do you enjoy holidays or are they sensory hell to you?

How good are you at detecting sarcasm?

What's the most comfortable/sensory friendly outfit you own?

Do you collect anything related to your special interest?

If you date people then would you prefer to date other autistic people?

Tell us something about your special interest.

If you could have any item related to your special interest what would it be?

Who are your favorite autistic bloggers? Say something nice about them.

Favorite autistic celebrity?

Are you generally a loud or quiet person?

Do you happy flap?

What is your favorite special interest related item you own? Show it to us if you want.

What's something you find hard to do because of autism?

Free question. Ask anything you want! Any topic at all!

[alertarchitect]

tired and lonely rn

wish i had people who fuckin care

instead i'm just here making people hate me by shoving my hyperfixations they don't care about in their face 24/7 like a goddamn child

no one will ever love me, no one will ever remember me after i'm gone

just an unimportant speck whose life story is of a shitnugget who made everyone hate hate hatehatehate them

good thing no one follows me on here i can depress post and only the damn pornobots will see it so no chance of that fake bs sympathy finding me and making it fucking worse by adding yet another person who pretends to fuckin care to the list

what's the point of all this, again? we live, we die, some love, others are alone the rest of their days

no one wants me, no one will ever see me as more than the weird co-worker who's too chatty or the random meme person they see from time to time on discord

not even my online presence would be noricable if it disappeared, just something ppl would forget in a day

why do i try anymore when it's so much easier just to let the days go by

i want to get away from here, but i know i never will. i was born in this shitty state and i will more than likely die here. fitting that such a shitty person would find such a shitty end

that's all i am, a statistic, a fuckin cosmic joke

never to be more than a laughingstock for others

i'm a repulsive piece of shit, i'm almost 21 and the last time i had something approximating a real relationship was freshman year of high school and she lied about her sexuality to get away from me

sometimes i feel it'd be better just to live in my dreams, where at least things have a chance of going well. at least i'd have a chance of seeing someone there who cares bc only in dreams can the universe fathom a person who could tolerate me for more than an hour

i'm a failure

a waste

and a fuckin deplorable person

why even post this? why scream into that fuckin void? no one's going to respond, and if they do, it's because of pity. that's all i am now

a *thing* to be pitied

barely a person

not worth real time, real effort

always at the periphery, the one everyone tolerates but never someone seen as a true friend

just

there

always forgotten

[notconsolation]

could you answer....every number that isnt a prime number?

WHELP OKAY you masochist

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

I will answer this with respect to the water closet, which is the only closet I have ever had that has doors. In that case: open, because my cat likes to wander in and sit on the sink around midnight

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

No, but I do have a license plate that did not begin its life as mine

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?

Nope

8: Do you have freckles?

In the summer, yes, I live for them.

9: Do you always smile for pictures?

No

10: What is your biggest pet peeve?

people who try to offer help and solutions after I’ve specifically said i just need to rant at them. i get the impulse but i literally told you not to. please. please don’t.

12: Have you ever peed in the woods?

Is this Hozier’s kink

14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?

Depends on your definition of dancing

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?

Nahhhh man

16: How many people have you slept with this week?

None but I’m going out tomorrow night so there’s time yet (there’s not time yet)

18: What is your Song of the week?

Hard Times (paramore)

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

Why is this a question???

20: Do you still watch cartoons?

Rick and Morty

21: Whats your least favorite movie?

I want to say the Happening, but I love to hate it so….

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

I SEE THROUGH YOUR ASK MEMES. THE TREASURE IS MINE, CONTESSA VAN NEURENSTEIN, AND YOUE EVIL CRONIES HAVE NO CHANCE

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?

Sadness

25: What is your favorite food?

good god. sorrel today, nutella tomorrow and sashimi the day after that

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

Princess Bride, singing in the rain, star wars original trilogy, lord of the rings trilogy, these are all i can think of right now

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?

Don’t know his name

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

I was very briefly a Pfadfinder, which is sort of equivalent? Just long enough to sail from Estonia to Latvia on a pirate style ship

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

Ooh well I have friend in New York that I wrote a postcard to a few months ago if that counts

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

Can’t drive

33: Ever ran out of gas?

Can.t. vroom,, vroom

34: Favorite kind of sandwich?

rucola anything with rucola

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?

Coffee. Whole coffee beans.

36: What is your usual bedtime?

Well I spend a lot of the day in bed sometimes so this is hard to gauge

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?

Ehhh I think a witch? But also there was a memorable time when I dressed up as a very effeminate Italian man with mascara for chest hair and toilet paper tied around my neck as a mini scarf

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?

Tiger

40: Are you horny?

*checks the direction of the wind* face southwest and try again

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?

Wtf are Lincoln logs

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman?

Linoleum laminate

45: Ever watch soap operas?

TelenovNo

46: Are you afraid of heights?

Nope, I embrace the vertigo. I do however hate hate hatehatehate going up or down steep hills in cars

48: Do you sing in the shower?

Beat iitttt beat it (no I don’t actually)

49: Do you dance in the car?

hOW?!?!

50: Ever used a gun?

No.

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Well I mean do ultrasounds count

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?

Yes but I don’t hate all of them

54: Ever eat a pierogi?

Da

55: Favorite type of fruit pie?

I’m gonna go ahead and count Apfelstrudel as fruit pie. Can’t actually think of any other fruit pie I’ve ever had though

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Something in the circus. I didn’t much care what.

57: Do you believe in ghosts?

Nope sorry I kind of wish I did

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

Not exactly but I have sometimes had dreams that are just normal regular days and I wake up and go about my day until I remember the dream but I’m not sure if it actually was just a day that week or a dream and that feels a little like deja vu but I realize now that I’m talking about it that it’s actually completely different whoops

60: Wear slippers?

Barefoot and wild is how you’ll find me

62: What do you wear to bed?

Whatever t shirt/tank top I have around and some underwear. But um a lot of the time….. nothing

63: First concert?

Coldplay

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Never been to any of them but I recently found out that Walmart owns asda, which I go to sometimes, so I guess Walmart?

65: Nike or Adidas?

I have an old adidas hat but I don’t know what that means

66: Cheetos Or Fritos?

Chester is a sad mascot, children clap your hands and believe to make him happy again

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?

Tres non

69: Ever take dance lessons?

Tres tres non

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

@joncantsleep what do you feel like doing

72: Ever won a spelling bee?

This is a PSA for those of you who don’t know: spelling bees don’t actually happen outside of North America. German is a very spelling-friendly language, too

74: Own any record albums?

Sadly, no. Lots of cds though

75: Own a record player?

Nope

76: Regularly burn incense?

no, but my mother does, so it does feel like home when i smell it

77: Ever been in love?

              Mutuals

78: Who would you like to see in concert?

21p at! the chemical badland disco!!! but honestly so many people. top of the list are Hozier and TOP

80: Hot tea or cold tea?

hot, you philistine

81: Tea or coffee?

“coffee” she whispers in the dead of night, when the brits around can’t hear her

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?

neither? but i like cinnamon

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

there are? people who can?t do this??

85: Are you patient?

I’ll wait and see

86: DJ or band, at a wedding?

band. my own. mango headache.

87: Ever won a contest?

I think possibly some writing ones? i got language awards all through high school but i don’t think that was a competition

88: Ever have plastic surgery?

No I’m okay with the form of carbon that currently makes up my face for the most part

90: Can you knit or crochet?

no, i would be of little to no use as a wife in the 1600s scottish highlands

91: Best room for a fireplace?

a cold one

92: Do you want to get married?

well Jon and I are already married but face to face nope relationships are Not. My. Thing.

93: If married, how long have you been married?

O feel like a bad wife but i don’t know our anniversary help please

94: Who was your HS crush?

a teacher. don’t tell. tumblr dot com i am trusting you to keep my secrets

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?

I was about to say I grew out of that but I don’t think I ever did it much as a child in the first place

96: Do you have kids?

Hard limit reached

98: Whats your favorite color?

I like grey-blue

99: Do you miss anyone right now?

My cat

[fika-forever]

A Brief Recapitulation of Troll-Changeling Friendships

This takes place during and after this fic thing, which was inspired by @changepherrox‘s art and the written scenario of Walter meeting Barbara, pre-show, and becoming part of the Lake family. After finding his place in the human world, he comes upon the Trollhunter amulet and struggles between protecting his family, being a double agent... and secretly defending a Trollmarket that doesn’t particularly want a changeling for a Trollhunter. 

You probably want to read the first fic thing before checking this out. Again, I haven’t seen Trollhunters in a month or so, so inaccuracies probably occur. Thank you so much for the ideas and conversation, @changepherrox! I’ve been really inspired. I hope this lives up to what you were imagining. Here we go!

-----

"A changeling?" Blinky hisses, dragging his hands across his many aching eyes. It's surprising that his heavy-footed pacing hasn't worn a hole in the carpet yet.

Walter, the changeling in question, sits stiffly on the couch with his arms folded. He won't bother pretending it doesn't sting a little.

"A changeling? The Trollhunter, the troll tasked with protecting Trollmarket and fighting the Gumm-Gumms, the troll that is supposed to defend the innocent, a-"

"-so you've said," Walter tersely interrupts. "If it's that unthinkable, perhaps you should find someone else for the responsibility." He reaches inside his pocket and pulls the amulet out. It pulses as if in greeting.

Blinky sighs long and hard. He glances sideways at Walter and the amulet with a heavy mixture of fear, exasperation, and longing. "If I could do it, it would be done! But you know as well as I that the amulet cannot be so easily cast aside once it has chosen its bearer."

"I do?" Murmurs Walter.

AAARRRGGHH!!!, from the doorway, warily glances between the two.

As Blinky continues ranting, Walter turns to his second guest and smiles tiredly.  "Would you like some of Barbara's cooking? It isn't particularly palatable for humans, but I hear your tastes are a little different."

Blinky gets nothing from that night but an ominous fear for the future and a confirmation of a meeting time the following night, sure to be filled with more disbelief and horror. AAARRRGGHH!!!, however, gets a full stomach and a new friend.

-

"So what did your people think when you told them a changeling was the new Trollhunter?" Walter asks as soon as Blinky steps through the door.

Blinky tenses, back arching, looking almost like a distressed cat before contorting himself back into something resembling relaxed, cheerful even. It's completely fake, but it's clear that Blinky is trying his best to meet Walter halfway. "I did not tell them, actually." There is a hint of well-hidden smugness that turns sour in the next breath. "What about you? Have you revealed to any of your compatrio-"

"Of course not," Walter interrupts. They would kill him. Kill him and take the amulet, because changelings are not to be trusted, changelings should not be put in charge of power. It is in their nature to misuse it.

(He swears to himself he will not do that. There is a picture of his family in his breast pocket, close to his heart, and he promises himself he will bear this burden with dignity and respect.)

AAARRRGGHH!!! sidles up to him and grins, wide and friendly and open, despite Blinky's hissed warnings. "Hi, Walter!" He says, deep voice booming.

"Hello, AAARRRGGHH!!!," Walter replies, smiling despite himself.  "How are you?"

They chat amiably while Blinky digs around in his bag. "Here," he says shortly, handing over three thick tomes which Walter takes with only a small oooomph. "Necessary knowledge for any Trollhunter. A Brief Recapitulation of Troll Lore, parts one, two, and three of forty-seven. I don't know how much changelings can actually read, but..."

"I can most certainly read!" Walter retorts, and once he realizes what he's holding, his mouth goes dry. He clutches them to his chest tightly and tries not to let a hungry look enter his eyes.

Blinky frowns as he watches Walter's knuckles tighten on the books. "Regardless, there is no use in passing on this knowledge to the Gumm-Gumms. Most of it is from a time long past."

Walter swallows and nods. "Are we done?"

-

"Hello Blinky, Hello AAARRRGGHH!!!. Do you happen to have the next books?" Walter asks as soon as Blinky slips through the doorway. They are meeting in the school this night so Jim and Toby can watch movies.

Blinky blinks all six of his eyes. "It has been less than a day! Have you made it through the first three volumes already?"

Walter's grin is small and guarded. "I even bookmarked a few important sections. I wanted to ask you about some inconsistencies I've noticed-"

And for once it looks like they have something to talk about. AAARRRGGHH!!! naps quietly in the corner while Blinky takes a deep breath and starts lecturing, and he's halfway through a speech on why a historical figure made some extremely costly mistakes, when his gaze suddenly sharpens on the pen in Walter's hand, scribbling onto an open notebook. "Are you taking notes?"

Walter looks up as if he's been broken out of some sort of trance. "...yes?"

Blinky worries his suspenders between his fingers. "The pursuit of knowledge is admirable, but I must ask, what is it about this subject that has you so interested?"

"Because Trungar certainly d-"

"Troll lore, Walter. What interests you so much about troll lore. If it is an attempt to foster a connection with me in hopes that I will be able to ignore how... wrong this all is..."

Walter feels anger and frustration fire-hot in his chest. "Not everything is about you."

"No, but it is about you, and-"

They are bickering like schoolchildren but Walter can't be bothered to care. He's despised and patronized by the Gumm-Gumms, disliked by his own kind, and looked down on by the trolls and he is tired. And he raises his voice in return, clamoring to be heard, when suddenly a large palm falls between them, smacking the desk with a resounding clatter of stone on wood.

Both he and Blinky jump backwards in alarm. "No fighting," the sleepy AAARRRGGHH!!! demands, and then he rolls over and apparently goes back to his nap.

Walter breathes in a shallow breath and looks guiltily at Blinky, whose lips are pressed together in a thin line.

"It's my lore too," Walter says, hating how it makes him sound like a lost little child. "I- I'm not a troll. But at some point, I was. I had a family. I had a past. Bedehilde writes of songs, and traditions, and folktales, and a shared history, and they were once mine. The trolls that you talk about could be my ancestors and I can never know."

He watches under furrowed brows as Blinky pales.

And now that he's completely humiliated himself, he slides back into his chair and closes the notebook, preparing to slip it into his briefcase, because surely no one would care to teach a changeling Trollhunter so ridiculously desperate, and he begins to reconsider ever using the amulet at all.  But a firm hand, so large on his skinny wrist, stops him before he can move.

"How old are you? Did you have a name? What shape were you?" Blinky asks softly.

Walter stares at the hand. "I don't remember. The first thing I remember is-" pain. Poison seeping into his veins, skin turning a gastly green, growing razor-sharp featherknives out of his skin that hurthurthurt. Yelling and chanting and brainwashing. He can't quite vocalize it but his face seems to do enough, because Blinky lets go.

The previous suspicion is suddenly gone, and in its place is a sort of sympathy that Walter hates almost as much.

"...Right! Trungar was certainly in a spot, and he turned to his advisor, who as you remember is---"

-

Blinky piles on book after book, and when Walter asks him for the referenced literatures he gets them. They are slowly drawing a picture in his head, a staticky, distant image of a people long past, journeys long concluded. He hums the songs of those people as he dries dishes, kisses Barbara, walks across the parking lot on his way to school. He reads the stories of those people, dreams about them sometimes.

A people that he can't quite feel are his, has no rightful claim to anymore, but he wants to with an illogical, melancholy yearning.

Once Blinky seems to have gotten over his initial hesitations, he starts teaching Walter other aspects of being a Trollhunter. He brings a rather ridiculous construction onto one of the sports fields and chases Walter around with it, shooting things at him with a suspiciously manic glee while Walter, fully armored, slowly learns how to leap and dodge.

He makes Walter practice repeating the mantras and rules of being a Trollhunter until Walter can recite them in his sleep.

It's not a complete education, by far, but every time Walter asks about the missing pieces he is pushed aside.

"Have you even told them their new Trollhunter is a changeling?" He asks one day, exasperated, half-asleep because he spent all of last night dodging magic arrows and grading midterms.

"No, and you should be thankful we haven't," Blinky frowns, and there is that hint of pity again that Walter hatehatehates. "If Vendel knew, I have no doubt he'd have you killed so the position would move to a troll."

If Walter was less tired, he would be much less whiny. "It just feels unfair," he murmurs. "I didn't choose to be made like this. I need to practice at the Forge. I want to see your library. I want to see Trollmarket."

There is nothing but silence, but it feels thick and smothering.

Walter closes his eyes. "I've been called to a meeting. Two days from now. Bular seems eager for something. I believe it has to do with Killahead Bridge. Nomura plays a large part, I am sure, because she works at the museum where they are planning on constructing it."

He opens his eyes when he hears a choking noise. Blinky seems to be having some sort of breakdown.

"You are in contact with Bular?"

Walter can't do anything but laugh.

-

It takes several minutes for Blinky to collect himself enough to start listening, but everything he hears seems to threaten to send him back into hysterics. There is a reason Walter avoided talking about this in the first place.

Yes, Walter is very high on the food chain of Gunmar's command. Yes, he goes to regular meetings, and is in on their plans. He isn't just some sort of changeling minion, he's a changeling minion with some form of status that he's fought long and hard for. And now painfully regrets.

Blinky paces. And paces. And paces. And then shoves a half-empty notebook into Walter's hands.

"Write," he demands. "Everything you can think of. Personnel, locations, tools, strategies, weaknesses, movements, shoe sizes!"

Walter very deliberately starts out with shoe sizes.

Blinky paces again. Then he stops, turns, and shares a wicked grin. "You know, this is something that a troll Trollhunter couldn't do."

The thought makes something warmbrightproud kindle in Walter's chest.

-

They make plans, junk those plans, make new ones. Cover an entire wall of Walter's hidden office in string, thumbtacks, and hastily scribbled ideas and profiles. Walter feels more and more like a spy every day.

But it's strangely exciting.

And even though he feels more torn than ever between worlds, between Gumm-Gumms and humans and trolls, now, too, how ridiculously complex...

...he isn't Atlas, shouldering his burden alone. AAARRRGGHH!!! shares hugs without reserve, and glances at him with a deeply knowing look sometimes, and Blinky no longer hesitates to reach over and ruffle his hair or poke him in the forehead if he drifts off. He has friends, real friends, who know the whole of him and aren't cringing in disgust (anymore).

(He takes a secret photo one day, and slips his phone into his pocket before either of the trolls can notice. He prints out a small copy and keeps it in his breast pocket next to the rest of his family.

He has a few more people he's determined to protect, which makes his mission simultaneously more difficult and a whole lot easier.)