#me: i mean. it's the bag they gave me
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i went to drop off some stuff for my best friend today and honestly i did not think people actually could get so loopy from cough medicine but in the fifteen seconds of interaction we had i have never seen anyone so fascinated by a plastic bag from krispy kreme
#me: (explaining what i brought them)#them: (interrupting me) where did you get this bag.#me: (gesturing to the logo on the side) ...krispy kreme?#them: it's so big (looking at me for explanation)#me: i mean. it's the bag they gave me#them: (very seriously) this is the coolest bag ive ever seen#me: ...okay get some rest#♡alizeh talks♡
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It's a time-honoured tradition- every time Sam comes across Izzy (and Ed) in their travels, he asks Izzy to marry him. And every time, Izzy turns him down.
At this point, Sam is asking more for the sake of it than any belief Izzy will ever say yes, a remnant of childhood dedication touched with 30 years of heartbreak and regret- though even now, a small part of him still holds out hope. Sam's promises have only got more extravagant over the years, from a job as his first mate, to a captaincy, a fleet at his command, a whole fucking island if that's what Izzy wants- but he knows it isn't though, not really. If Izzy was ever going to agree to marry him, to leave his life and go with Sam, it wouldn't be for anything Sam could offer him. Izzy never did care for flashy shows of wealth, for a ship or to be captain. The only thing that ever mattered to him was loyalty given, and loyalty shown in return.
It all comes to a head after Stede left and came back, after Izzy lost a toe, lost his leg. Sam hasn't seen him since before things with Ed started to really slide off the rails, before stress permanently set into the lines of Izzy’s face. So, when he sees a dishevelled man with a hoof for a leg in a no-name port, he doesn't even consider the idea that he might know him. It's only when he turns towards him, and Sam catches a glance at those oh too familiar tattoos, he realises this is Izzy, his Izzy, that stands before him.
Knowing Izzy's discomfort with pity, he doesn't treat him any differently than he would in years gone by, positioning himself in Izzy's line of sight before approaching and sweeping him up into a bone crushing hug.��
“Israel-goddamn-Hands!” he exclaims, as Izzy grumbles back a begrudging “Samuel-fucking-Bellamy”, a tradition almost as old as their friendship itself. Izzy might not hug him back, but he can’t keep the corner of his mouth from twitching, just for a second.
(If Sam holds Izzy a little tighter and a little longer than usual, well. That's his business)
By the time Sam lets go, most of the crew has appeared in the town square, drawn in by the commotion. They may have given Izzy his leg and welcomed him as one of them, but still there’s an underlying tension, with nobody quite ready to set aside everything that happened before the Kraken. Seeing him cosying up to an unknown man sets everyone on edge, unsure whether to come to their first mate’s aid, or to assume that they've been betrayed once again.
When Ed sees that the yelling was Sam, his hand goes tense where it's held in Stede's. He knows the routine, has seen it more times than he can count, but as he watches them part he realises that this is the first time in a long time he's unsure of what Izzy's response will be.
Knowing that something’s different, knowing that Izzy's feeling vulnerable already, Sam doesn't go for the same flashy proposal he’s been giving for years. He doesn't promise Izzy the world, he doesn't cause a scene (or, any more of a scene than he already has, anyway). He looks at the fractured man in front of him, takes his face in his hands, and says the exact same thing to him he said when they were little more than boys. “Israel, I have to ask you. I know what you'll say, but I have to try. Come with me. Marry me and sail away with me. I'll keep you safe”
And Izzy… hesitates. He glances over at Ed, at Stede, and says to Sam “...We’re staying in port for a week. Ask me again then”
That's the moment Sam knows there is something deeply, horribly, wrong. He's not just looking at an Izzy who got seriously injured in a fight and is struggling to cope, this is something so much bigger than that- and that Ed has something to do with it. Izzy wouldn't even be considering leaving if he didn't. Whether it was negligence or something more sinister, Sam doesn't yet know, but he intends to find out.
#i feel like the little paragraph about the crew is real clunky and out of place but i wanted some kind of establishment of where those#dynamics are at. its important that the crew is something for izzy to consider in his decision; but also that their relationship isnt so#solid he would stay for them alone; yknow?#im sorta aiming for a s2e5 era but like. early in those themes. he cant be all sorted yet i need him to be struggling#anyway this is part of a much larger scenario in my head that im never ever doing anything with but i wrote THIS bit in a daze in like. jun#and i got thinking about it again and i think?? it holds its own as a 'hey think about THIS' snippet. idk you decide#youre welcome to interpret this as solo bellhands but in my head it Has morphed into sam/izzy/ed/stede#because i cant not put edizzy in things any more. izzy has two hands#i also think the comedy potential of one of your boyfriends HATING your other boyfriend is gold. 10/10 dynamic#stede is mostly along for the ride in this but also i think they need him#aaaaand. the sam/ed bracket i think can only be closed in exceptional circumstances. i think they 'hate' each other too much#...which is WHY someones getting kidnapped!!! yay#anyway its all irrelevant because ill never write it out. i can do silly chill things but thatll require work#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#israel hands#sam bellamy#bellhands#i wanna also say. the general concept of repeated sam proposals has been floating around my head forever#it used to be a more silly thing like i referenced at the start but. s2 gave me angsty feelings i guess#i cant not have izzy have feelings for ed right now which inherently adds layers to Any bellhands scenarios i think.#but yeah. its a Classic Bellhands vibe for me. sam seeing izzy at sea or on shore and asking him to marry him (again)#i like to do this with jackie too. i think i just want that man to be obnoxiously desired#(theres also layers of my personal hornigold era lore built into this but i hope it holds up without u knowing it. tldr. sam lost izzy by#being an idiot n fumbling the bag. thats what matters. izzy went with ed and sams been trying to fix it ever since)#i probably should have readmore'd this but i didnt think it was Quite long enough. or had a good break point. sorry <3
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why is fernsong on thin ice with dovewing, did ivypool use him to send her messages or something like that
Yeaaaaahhh. I figured it was obvious enough to figure out lmao.
Dovewing really likes Fernsong (who doesn't?) but Ivypool continues to be a petty badger for years. She's changed a lot after the impostor murdered her daughter publicly for codebreaking and suddenly ShadowClan didn't look so crazy to resist him from the very start...
But she treated Dovewing like garbage for years. Always looking for ways to spite her and her 'Friendship' with Tigerheart, and it didn't even stop after she booked it. Dovewing doesn't WANT to fix this.
Sure, this stems from Lionblaze being a really bad parent, playing obvious favorites with Dovepaw and neglecting Ivypaw. But Ivypool would take it out on her. Well into their adulthood. And NOW she wants to reconcile? When Dovewing's finally away from her, and living happily?
Fernsong and Dovewing have a history, making friends with each other before Fern started dating Ivy when he first joined ThunderClan, but he FLOATED the idea of Dove talking to her sister, "you know... Ivypool talks about you," and she shut it down fast.
(That means she walked away, cutting the whole reunion short. She really did discover the power of Just Leaving and has been using it like a superpower)
He hasn't dared try again, since that moment. He knows very well he won't get a second chance, and Dovewing is his friend. He doesn't want to ruin it. She's forgiven him, but hasn't forgotten.
I think Dovewing has a reputation of being really sensitive, according to ThunderClan cats. And, she kinda is? But it's because she was so patient for years with them. She feels like if she gives an inch, they'll take a mile, and reacts accordingly.
...it's why the deafness isn't ALWAYS a bad thing, in Dovewing's mind. Sometimes she really appreciates it. She doesn't have to listen to her dad bark for her to get back here, or Bumblestripe break out into a sob, or whatever stage of denial Ivypool's circled back around to. If she does, it's quiet.
It's SO much easier to walk away now.
#That's the hardest part about leaving. It doesn't feel like a win in that moment.#It feels like you're being mean and selfish.#It gets better. I promise it gets better. But it doesn't always feel good right away and that's okay#You still made the right choice.#lmao this reminds me of something really sweet I learned from my great grandma#She used to say to my parent 'You always gotta have mad money. I don't leave home without mad money'#Mad money being (the equivalent of) 25 bucks. 20 for a taxi and 5 for a bag of chips.#Just tucked into your pocket or purse or whatever.#It makes me smile when I stash a bit of mad money someplace haha. It stays alive in me.#tw toxic family#tw abuse#better bones au#BB!Dovewing#BB!Fernsong#I do have a lot of characters in BB who do reconcile but Dove's not one of them.#She gave them enough chances. She's done being responsible for their happiness.#lovewing dovewing
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i wonder if anyone i've given kandi to at raves 15+ years ago still wears mine or thinks of one i've given them as a favorite
#i don't remember who gave me most of the kandi i own but there's some i got around that long ago that i still wear sometimes#i restrung my top favorites that were falling apart due to age. took pictures of them beforehand to use as reference#i mean i wasn't able to save every single one :( but i tried to save their beads in ziploc bags at least
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#i took my little sister thifting today and i got sooooo many books!!!#lots of philosphy and poetry and some classics I dont own already#and an almost perfect hardback copy of the goldfinch#which ive been meaning to reread anyway since its been so many years#i even found a whole ass philosphy textbook for 0.99#the cashier gave me a Look when she bagged the Noam Chomsky but she can suck my dick#its a small town i had to weed through a lot of like american sniper and rich dad poor dad and megyan kelly biographies and shit#bless whatever college student donated the books i got lmfao#p
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Anyone know why the OMORI Collector's Edition came with a.... Straw???
Edit: Apparently it WAS for the pinwheel but the instructions didn’t say anything about it :’3
#starfilled.txt#🐁#for context it was in the brown bag with the milk map on the back#not even like. an omori themed straw#is it a straw?? i mean thats my best guess#at first i thought the thing in the picnic themed wrapping would be like powder to put in a drink and they gave a straw for it#but no that was the orange joe cap#then i thought it might've been part of the pinwheel instructions but no it didn't mention that anywhere either#why did they give me a straw#//#nick no looksies#omori#omori collector's edition#omori merch#uh idk how to tag this
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i miss when dollar tree had yo-kai watch toys. we should bring that back i wanna be able to get yo-kai watch toys for a dollar again-
#puppy rambles#yo-kai watch#i have a bunch of yo-kai watch toys from that#i have ummmm. that one jibanyan figure that can convert into baddinyan#i think i might have another one that can convert into robonyan but don't quote me on that#i have the komasan and jibanyan figures where you can use stickers to change the expressions#and i have the jibanyan robonyan and baddinyan medal moments figures#my moms said i have a wiglin plush somewhere also but i literally do not remember that#oh i also have a buttload of medals just. around somewhere. have to assume dollar tree had blind bags or smth#cuz idk how i would've gotten any of them other than like. the nyaight medal that came with my copy of 2#and the komajiro medal one of my school friends gave me#i know i have a few others though. i mean i guess the komasan and jibanyan figures i have probably came with medals-#i miss when yo-kai watch was popular in america :(#it was popular to the point where i had several friends at school who knew what yo-kai watch was#i think one of them only knew it from the anime but the other two definitely seemed to know from the games too#if it wasn't for them i probably wouldn't've figured out the puzzle in seaside cave in 2 sfdlkjsfdlsfjkfdsk-
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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
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Dong Soo losing his sh*t with his wife bc she and Beom Jae are f*cked up over the way he's been making money with the boyfriend........ typical gay behavior
#tv: biography of a villain#biography of a villain#evilive#evillive#shin ha kyun#shin hakyun#kim young kwang#kdrama#local gay watches k-dramas.txt#this marriage is not coming out intact let me say that. i mean i knew that i said it already but it's definitely not surviving#her looking at the bag of money Do Young gave Dong Soo for just a week's work and realizing what's going on
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Totally wiped out on a fucking hidden step and crash landed on both knees at the jimmy John's and they didnt even give me the right sandwich
#crap#i was going in to get the chips and cookie that were not in the bag#should have just pulled the receipt out to look at it because they gave me the wrong bag :/#there was yellow caution tape on the step but it was so grungy and dark it didnt do any fuckin good#i mean the sandwich was fine but it wasnt the delicious beach club i ordered
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the most devastating shit on earth is that i had a friend in middle school who was like my ride or die. but her only "social media" was Google Fucking Plus. so naturally i have lost her in the wastelands of that shitstorm. but i cannot find her ever again bc she has like The most common name on god's green earth so one facebook search for people with her name in the bronx yields like a million fucking results. so imagine if she's not even in the bronx anymore. 10 million results
#and if by some will from god she's out there wondering about me occasionally too She'd also be shit out of luck#bc my first name is different now. not even close to my birthname. and my last name is a nightmare#i didn't learn how to spell that shit until i was 6 and only so soon bc my mother set aside time to teach me specifically how to spell it#like it was its own school lesson. How to spell my own last name. so i'm not going to imagine someone could ever just Remember That#a decade down the fucking line#but i miss her often. she showed me inuyasha for the first time before rodan even did#we had the most awkward innocent scared quivering animal type lesbianism happening.#i would walk her home even though it meant making my 10 minute walk home into like 45 minutes#she lived in one of the projects and she snuck me in her apartment a few times when her dad wasn't home. that's when we watched inuyasha#one of my ''gifts'' i remember so specifically when we had decided we were dating is. i gave her. a tiny bag of chips.#blinks for a long time at you. i got her A Bag Of Chips.#💀😭 She should've killed me where i stood........#we once kissed because someone said they'd give us 20 dollars for it. We did not get the 20 dollars.#i was mad bc i wanted to split it with her and get snackies at the deli after school together or something. kills my elf#WAAAH i miss her. i miss da bronx too. one day i'm gonna drag rodan downstate to see it all#i want to take him to the bronx zoo and the botanical gardens. but also i just checked and nearly scumpt at the prices#37 DOLLARS..... 💀⁉️ i remember. (said oldly) i remember when it was. SEVEN DOLLARS!!!#whstever fucking happened to wednesdays you get in free. huh#i'm too scared to even look at the gardens now bc Nearly 40 tickets a person. oh My God. vomitworthy#wait oh my god what do thebuses and subway cost now. oh no oh no oh no#okay it's okay. it's a 40 cent difference. idr what a metrocard used to cost so it means nothing that it's a dollar now#but also Why the fuck do the express buses cost SEVEN DOLLARS.... 😭 brother bring that shit back down to five NEOW!!!#it's not even double the standard fare anymore. even if i round up the standard fare That's More Than Double. what#i hate inflation i hate inflation i hate#i'm rambling. walks away fast And my ass
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sigh.
#i have had the absolute worst 24 hours#my flight was delayed by two hours so i missed my connecting flight#and they had put me in the very back row#so i was the last off the plane and so the last in the customer service line#and i waited in line for over an hour#to find out i couldn’t fly out till the next day#and they gave me a hotel#but not my bags#and they were mean#and the hotel staff was mean#and i’m back at the airport after less than twelve hours#in the giant security line#and basically if i don’t make it home today im deleting myself
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My camera doesn't make it justice BUT THE PIN THAT CAME WITH IT IS ACTUALLY A LITTLE MIRROR
#;ooc#ooc#me staring at the cover: beautiful amazing talented wonderful brilliant stunning extraordinary jaw dropping-#for the art inside ill just post the link to s.howichi's page bc its the same illustrations he's been posting#tho i think he cleaned some#ANYWAYS!!!!!!#going insane chomping my hands screaming crying#ALSO M.OCTEZUMA A.VENGER REAL!!!!#(i mean it says that this is not official but YEHAAAAOOOO#it comes with this cool folder#unfortunately it doesnt come with any info about his character design or notes; its just artwork which dont get me wrong is great#not that i can read japanese in any case ROYIORTIR#OHYEHA#m.octezuma beloved....#also the proxy who brought it gave me konpeito candy in a lil bag its really cute#kompeito or konpeito? its those lil candy stars u see on s.pirited away
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wait stop I know it’s been so so long since I posted anything life after related (mental illness, writers block, moved across the country, blah blah blah) but today is one year since I landed in london and happened to pass the palace theatre after dinner with my friends and we stopped against the roller door at the back literally just in time to listen to craig bowker jr get murdered….can you even imagine…..
#me I guess#cursed child#life after#he is so alive to me and I’d just posted a new chapter and my friend gave me#the most beautiful hand embroidered tote bag#it said CBJ FOREVER with these gorgeous little flowers around it#and he means so much to me#I mean they all do!!!! the gang the gang the gang <3333#and then to listen to bestie just die like that….#hilarious and horrific <4
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It's missing Bag a Legend hours
#fallen london#apparently some parts of it don't make sense with greater lore or something idk but consider: i don't know the lore#all i know is it gave me Some Type Of Feeling when my character tried to hunt a monster based on curiosity alone#and found themself the only person who could even have a bare chance of undoing this...monster yes but also political figure#nightmare. near-god#a once in a thousand year chance and the way the writing gives you the full knowledge that you did not get there by skill#the nuns were training for much longer. april probably could have made the bomb herself#in fact it almost feels like the player's position in bag a legend relies on them NOT having the skill#less skill and knowledge than willingness. simultaneously disposable and essential#and for Hallowrove it was still a story about wanting to know#but it became more than just curiosity about a monster few had seen and instead shifted to#wanting to know whether this could be done. whether /they/ could do it. test the kind of power they'd been subject to#in one form or another for a lifetime#and see if it would actually give way. and if that giving way would actually turn out to MEAN something#and it did. the rulers are killable. the chain can be broken#and it didn't. the Bazaar still holds power. if anything more comfortably without their murderous colleague#but it made them uneasy. uneasy in the same way every person of London is every day#knowing that they're in the power of something so far above them in strength and so far from human as to see them as collectables#and for the player personally just. the sheer amount of time and effort you have to put into making that little tilt#the held breath feeling that this is a two sided hunt and you could die at any moment#the way it's such an ever present element all through the story that you are so far from the only or first person to try this#idk it just#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#bag a legend does things to me. i could write an essay#multiple probably#however i won't. because i don't know the Lore and people would so get on my ass for it jdhfjfjs#bag a legend spoilers#voidrambles
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see I like to say I don't believe in ghosts. BUT. Maybe I do a little, sometimes
#first of all I know I have messages from friends I will be probably not replying to them for a little bit because I am presently emotional#I will get back to you in 15-30 minutes probably. i just need a little bit of time and quiet#a very important person in my life who was absolutely crucial to what I'm doing with my life passed away this spring#& the Very Important Thing that I'm doing on Thursday is very much related to said what I'm doing with my life#as I'm packing for the trip (leaving tomorrow morning) I feel a little lump in a pocket in one of my bags and dig my hand in there to get i#and it's a little crumpled tissue with a little dried up leaf in it and it takes me a moment of ?#and then I'm hit with this really vivid memory of. at their funeral I had a small bouquet and one of the leaves fell off.#and I wrapped it in that tissue and put it in that bag#aiming to throw it away later.#I must have just... forgotten. and then never even noticed. until now.#and I feel like that was them. I feel like there has to be a meaning to why I found that NOW because I use that bag like.. fairly frequentl#so yeah I think that was them. reaching out. and saying you are going to do good and you are going to be fine and I am proud of you.#and I really think they would be proud of me too. to be honest sometimes it's what keeps me going.#I feel like what they taught me and the wisdom they passed down to me gave me purpose. and I have to fulfil that purpose.#and also I'll be buying a little locket necklace to put that leaf in.#z talks#not horse game
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