#me: i love stories where the character becomes the worst version of themselves through the cycle of revenge and vengeance

[ifyourereadingthisblinktwice]

just finished the poppy war trilogy what the FUCK WAS THATTTT

[iftrashcouldsparkle]

Hey does anyone wanna hear my thoughts about how Madarame and Fujieda's routes are essentially the same thing but in a different font????? Huge spoilers for the true route of Slow Damage.

Once I started playing Fujieda's route it struck me how it pretty much followed the same story beats as Madarame's:

Towa is confronted with a relic from his past > Something about it nags at him so he starts poking around > He remembers something from his past > He comes to terms with some aspect of his identity > Confrontation with the Takasato asshole that's been causing issues

But aside from that, both Madarame and Fujieda reflect different aspects of Towa's character. Both of their routes revolve around the idea of meeting someone so similar to you that they might as well be a mirror and the understanding that's born from that. The main difference is what they reflect and the traits they bring out in each other.

Madarame essentially reflects all of the things that Maya made Towa into. When they're together, they reflect and amplify the rougher edges of each of their personalities. Towa's apathy, his recklessness, his impulsivity, and his masochism are the things Madarame considers to be Towa's "true self". They're the parts of Towa that he sees reflected in himself; the parts of them that operate on instinct rather than the norms of society. Madarame loves Towa in his own way, and accepts the "roughest" version of himself, but these aspects of his character are things that Towa became because of Maya's abuse. It ultimately works for them and they find their version of happiness, but the more instinctual Towa that Madarame sought out is a version of Towa who is ruled by his coping mechanisms and survival instincts. To find this happiness (a happiness found in pain and danger), Towa must first be broken and regress back into his trauma. Madarame and Towa reflect each other in a way that enables the worst of their behavior.

Fujieda, on the other hand, reflects everything that Towa is DESPITE Maya's influence. (There is still that aspect of mirroring each other through their trauma and their shared scars is one of the big reasons they begin to connect, but it's more than that.) They reflect each other in their resilience in the way they choose to keep living and their refusal to let their trauma further define them. Both Towa and Fujieda suffer from survivor's guilt and consider suicide, and yet both of them make the difficult choice to keep living to some degree because of the other's influence. They reflect each other in the memory of the girl who gives them both the strength to carry on; someone they loved and lost. They reflect the ugliest and truest parts of themselves, showcased in their negative first interactions early in the game and the literal/metaphorical scars they share. Yet, despite how scared they both are at being confronted with someone so similar, they see the beauty and humanity in each other where they struggle to see it in themselves. Because Fujieda's character mirrors Towa's so closely, he's able to relate deeply to Towa and understand how much of his behavior is an attempt to regain his autonomy and recognizes that he could have very easily ended up the same way. Fujieda loves Towa for who he's managed to become despite Maya's abuse, and it's this mutual understanding that allows them to support each other so thoroughly. Fujieda and Towa reflect each other in a way that ultimately supports a journey to healing and recovery.

Anyway, if you actually read all of that I would love to hear your thoughts because it's been rattling around in my brain for too long!

[a-random-whovian7]

What your favourite Doctor says about you (just like the Master and Companion lists, this is all just jokes and my own terrible takes, absolutely no offence intended towards anyone). This is gonna be a long one, so good luck:

One (I think):

Is somehow able to sit through The Keys of Marinus whilst completely sober. Their feelings on Twice Upon a Time completely depend on whether they are able to accept that TV shows made in the 1960s will inevitably have some outdated bits or not. Loves slow-burners and less science-heavy stories, and wishes the Doctor would go back to trolling his companions again. Prays every night for The Celestial Toymaker and Marco Polo to be found. Hates the Timeless Child with a burning passion.

Two:

Two fans deserve a lot better. Despite a large chunk of their era being limited to surviving audio, PowerPoint presentations telesnaps and the, er, mixed bag of animated reconstructions, they still contribute a lot to the discussion of Classic Who and are usually well versed in the lore of the EU. 2nd Doctor fans are remarkable, as they are able to get along with pretty much every other group of fans. However, there is plenty of infighting thanks to the UNIT dating controversy and which story should be reconstructed next. If they ship Two/Jamie, they have fully earned your love and are surprisingly good if you pass them the aux.

Three:

Pretty much blows a gasket whenever some idiot says that the modern era is 'too political'. Like, I'm sorry, but was the "England for the English" scene in the Claws of Axos a little too subtle for you? Were Malcolm Hulke's scripts absolutely apolitical in your eyes? Does the mere existence of The Green Death mean nothing to you?! Oh, well maybe you should try WATCHING THE SHOW and DOING YOUR RESEARCH before you start claiming that it's become 'tOo pOLiTiCaL' because the main characters aren't always played by Whiteguy McStraight now, shouldn't you?! YOU AND YOUR MEDIOCRE OPINION SHALL COWER BEFORE MY KNOWLEDGE OF THE THIRD DOCTOR'S ERA AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME!

It is for this very reason that 3rd Doctor fans get along particularly well with 13th Doctor fans. Perfectly nice people with a great sense of humour and an excellent taste in episodes, unless a conversation resembling the above occurs, at which point you will see how much damage the repressed urge to do Venusian Akido can do. Refuses to admit that The Ambassadors of Death is two episodes too long.

Four:

Either a child of the 70s or chaos incarnate. Yes, 4 is pretty much the universally recognised Doctor, but that doesn't stop him from being one of the most unhinged Doctors. Loves more gothic horror-themed episodes and can ignore the somewhat questionable production qualities of early Baker stories. They have almost certainly attempted to make The Scarf at one point; whether they were successful or not entirely depends on their talent for knitting. Is surprisingly ok with admitting that Tom Baker stayed for a little too long and that his later seasons were a little underwhelming. Hasn't stopped them from watching every version of Shada though.

Five:

The tired parental figure of any group they are in. They immediately related to this Doctor when they saw 5 trying to hold it together whilst his multiple adopted humans argued, whined and got themselves trapped on doomed freighter ships. Has tried to play cricket once, but a general confusion over the rules and a few broken windows stopped that. You can take care of the cinnamon roll that is the standard 5 fan by providing them with cups of tea, giving them lots of hugs and removing all copies of Time Flight from your house.

Six:

Best fashion sense out of all the fans... somehow. Their favourite episodes are usually Vengeance on Varos or Revelation of the Daleks (both bangers), although they lean more heavily towards EU and Big Finish material, where the stories are more consistent and the costumes are less yikes. Either the best or worst fan to be around, either giving fair balanced views on the show or just being an absolute arse. Loves cats. Hates Michael Grade. Kind of ambivalent towards Mel.

Seven:

If 2nd Doctor fans are well versed in the EU lore, then these individuals are fucking academics. Constantly annoyed that 7 had two of the best seasons of Classic Who and was the darkest Doctor but is only remembered for Time and the Rani for some reason. Their favourite companion will always be Ace, which is what motivated them to watch Power of the Doctor. Usually excellent taste in stories, but is completely capable of dragging you to the depths of the EU. Wishes the Doctor would commit a few more genocides. Their religious beliefs can be summarised in the phrase "Cartmel Master Plan". Still annoyed that the most strategic Doctor was killed by the two most American things (guns and bad healthcare), but gets along well with 8 fans despite that. Somehow understands Ghost Light after just 3 rewatches.

Eight:

Big Finish fan. Basically willing to explain the entire plot of Dark Eyes if you ask them. Thinks the TV Movie is just OK, and has rewatched Night of the Doctor too many times to count. Loves a sad boy, and has definitely referred to 8 as a "poor little meow meow" at some point. Wishes 8's TARDIS interior was still intact and that he'll get his own live action series. Had an actual heart attack when he appeared in Power of the Doctor. Usually a bisexual from my personal experience, and looking at Paul McGann in the 90s, I can see why.

War (or is it Nine?):

We're stepping into the depths of the Moffat cult with this one. Wants a more traumatised Doctor, and kind of wishes we saw more of the Time War beyond the laser battle in Day of the Doctor. Content to sit back and watch due to the fact that the War Doctor had the perfect arc in his one episode, although they are happy that the War Doctor still pops up in the EU. Bridging the gap between the modern and classic series means they get along well with everyone except Shalka fans.

Nine (the Curse of Fatal Death one):

Does this one count? Just loves the classic series. Still praying for Joanna Lumley as the Doctor. Nowhere near as obnoxious as the Shalka fans and surprisingly funny.

Nine (the Scream of the Shalka one):

They pride themselves on being 'against the trend' and being fans of an overlooked bit of Doctor Who history. Doesn't quite realise that Scream of the Shalka was basically an B-tier Big Finish story with janky animation. Wants Richard E Grant to show up again. Constantly attempting to upset Eccleston and Hurt fans, only to get angry when everyone forgets Scream of the Shalka existed. They definitely listen to Weezer.

Ten, no, another Nine (the Eccleston one):

The word "fantastic" is permanently superglued to their vocabulary, and yet it never gets old. Owns a leather jacket too. Wishes that the BBC hadn't been stupid and Eccleston had stayed on for another series, but doesn't hold it against Tennant. Knows the Daleks were at their best in S1. Really wants the Reapers to return, and was utterly distraught after Chibs kind of ruined 9's role in the wider arc by blowing up Gallifrey again. Major nostalgia for the 2000s with this one, and is slowly becoming a member of the Big Finish cult thanks to Eccleston's return. Understandably forgot Adam was a thing. Both loves and hates John Barrowman.

Ten? Eleven? Ten and a half? The Tennant one. I hate numbers:

Their first experience to Doctor Who was during the golden age- wait, no, sorry, the RTD cult has threatened to terminate my membership if I'm not honest with this one.

Either a child of the 2000s, a member of the aforementioned RTD cult or someone who just likes the show to be more emotionally resonant. Well, that or they are the blandest person alive. If they acknowledge how good 10's arc was in terms of deconstructing the Doctor and setting up his fall from grace via misplaced attachments and vanity, then absolutely someone to be around. If they simply say "because he was popular", definitely bland. We all know Tennant was popular, it's still not one of the many valid reasons to love him. They have an easygoing relationship with 4 and 11 fans, and otherwise OK relations with the rest of Doctors fan groups, although there is a bit of friction between 13 stans due to 10 being dragged into a lot of 13's media post-2020 to boost ratings. They didn't like it because it cheapned 10's return and era whilst also overshadowing 13. 13 stans didn't like it because it basically gave the message that the BBC had given up on 13 before her era had finished.

Definitely excited for the 60th after the regeneration and the announcement of RTD's return. Has tried owning a pair of converses, only to find out that they aren't exactly cheap. Has fought for the Ten/Rose ship on multiple occasions. Tried hair gel once, with disastrous consequences.

Huh. This one was incredibly easy to write. All I had to do was look in a mirror.

Thirte- no, Eleven:

Major ADHD energy in the best possible way. Saw the chaotic excitable Doctor and immediately fell in love. They will not rest until they have forced every former Doctor to read the "Hello Stonehenge" speech. They have also cosplayed the most out of any fan, due to the availability of fezzes and bow ties. Definitely the most fun to be around at a party. Was disappointed by Matt Smith's decision not to return for the 60th, especially after the absolute banger that was Day of the Doctor. If they ship 11 with River, they're cool, even though 11 was very asexual in S5. If they ship him with anyone else, then yikes. Wishes for the show to return to a quirky fairytale tone again.

If they were present during the SuperWhoLock days, keep an eye on them. You're only one drink away from dragging us back to 2013, and I ain't reading any of that fanfiction again *shudders*.

Fourte- FUCK, Twelve:

A certified member of the Steven Moffat cult, or just someone who likes some of their stories to have a slightly more mature tone. Has tried to play the electric guitar more than once, only to be forced to stop by their partners or housemates. Either willing to admit some of the flaws of the era or strongly defends it, with no inbetween. Absolutely correct in their assertion that S9 and 10 absolutely slapped, although this cam be undermined if they try to defend Sleep No More. If they ship River and 12, then you can trust them with anything, and they will offer you good relationship advice. If they ship 12 and Clara in a romantic way (which is strange to me cos i always got platonic BFF vibes from them, but that's just me), they definitely have relationship advice, although waiting 4 billion years to get your memory wiped is a questionable means of resolving conflict. They have a pair of the sonic sunglasses. Cried when Capaldis majestic floofy hair got shaved off for a superhero film.

Thirteen? That's right? Phew, finally getting the hang of this. Ok, Thirteen:

There are two types of 13 fan. The first is cinnamoniest of rolls. Is just happy to sit back and have fun, thus allowing them to enjoy pretty much any episode (something that a lot of people could learn from). Immediately realised that Jodie is an amazing Doctor and deserves more praise and justice. Definitely shipped Thasmin, and are the best at constructive criticism, recognising what worked and didn't in a respectful, polite way (again, something we could all learn from). Wierdly enough, they get along well with all the Doctor fans, as they are a wholesome ray of sunshine that reminds us that every era has something to offer, no matter the general consensus.

The second type masquerades as the first, but gets all hipster-y and more than willing to use the term 'overrated' when RTD or Tennant are mentioned (so basically a healthy 80% of the #antiRTD tag).

Both are convinced that the Chibnall Era will receive a massive reappraisal like the 12th Doctor's era did, despite the odds of that happening being the same as an on-screen Thasmin kiss. I'm so sorry, that's a really mean line to end this bit on. Let's instead end by saying Haunting of Villa Diodati is an absolute banger of an episode.

Ruth:

Loves the admittedly cool concept of a mystery incarnation. The rest depends on their theory of where the Ruth Doctor fits in. If they use the season 6B theory, then they have an encyclopedic knowledge of the classical series and the EU regardless of whether they have watched it or not. If they use the Timeless Child/Division theory, then they basically settled for the easier version of 6B after looking into the insane asylum that is classic who and EU discourse (wise choice). If they think she's from an alternative universe, thinks that she's Omega, Rassilon, The Rani, The Master or any other figure, then they practically have a gold medal in Mental Gymnastics. Either way, all of them don't like to admit that they are unfortunately limited to 4 episodes (three of them being fairly mid, the other being a mild car crash) and a pretty good comic. Cool fashion taste. Gets along with 13 stans and, surprisingly, 2nd Doctor fans.

Fourteen- oh for fucks sake:

YOU ARE TENTH DOCTOR FANS. GO BACK TO EARLIER ON IN THE POST. YES, I KNOW THAT'S THE BBC'S OFFICIAL LINE AT THE MOMENT. YES, I KNOW YOU'RE HYPED FOR THE 60TH, I AM A HYPED RTD CULTIST TOO. JUST WAIT UNTIL SEPTEMBER. P L E A S E.

Fourt- no fifteen- no, fourteen- BBC, HAVE MERCY:

Only in the Doctor Who fandom can a Doctor who has only appeared in a brief clip and some photos have a fully developed fanbase. I should know, I've already joined it. Ncuti's photos in that suit sealed the deal. Either an RTD cultist or someone just looking forward to a fresh new direction. Also very fashionable. Has a somewhat complicated relationship with 13th Doctor fans due to the fact that Ncuti's first season and casting completely overshadowed S13 and the specials, but Ncuti also had to deal with the same levels of toxicity from the same 'fans' who threw temper tantrums at Jodie's casting in 2017. Best haircuts out of all the Doctor Who fans. Strange but true.

Full Fathom Five:

Y'all scare me.

Zagreus:

Y'all terrify me.

The Watcher:

Y'all confuse me.

The Valeyard:

Has wanted a darker series since god knows when. Was kind of annoyed when the Time Lord Victorious arc wasn't dedicated to a whole series. Also, the Valeyard is the Shadow the Hedgehog of the Whoniverse. I refuse to elaborate any further.

The Curator:

"Alright gang, let's see who the Curator fans really are!"

Pulls off mask

"Fourth Doctor fans?!"

All jokes aside, they just want a more experienced Doctor. Accepts that the show will have to end one day, and is cool with that, since they already have the perfect ending. Either cool grandad vibes or an actual grandad. Good knitwear. Their response to everything is simply putting the kettle on.

Doctor Moon:

Now these ones are very, very rare. I personally love the theory that Doctor Moon is a future version of the Doctor who is keeping River and the Library safe, but limiting your favourite Doctor to two episodes and an endorsement of the theory from Steven Moffat? Now that takes guts, and I like it. Usually partial to classy clothes, and talks in a very formal tone. Their best subject is usually maths.

Dr Who (Peter Cushing):

Unashamedly insane. Saw the absolutely glorious cheese-fest that was the 1960s Dalek movies and ended up loving one of the most unique versions of the Doctor. Is absolutely fine with bypassing 90% of the TV shows lore, making them really fun to talk to. Time Lords? Nah. Sonic screwdriver? Nope. Their Doctor is a wacky grandpa who built a multi-dimensional time machine in their back garden, and they love it. Is a sucker for Alternate Universe stories and usually loves classic B-movies. Knows that the movies kind of suck as adaptations, but as pure 1960s camp, they are unbeatable. Absolute legends.

All of Them:

The glue that holds this fanbase together. Enlightened individuals who have to check in every now and then to make sure that we mere mortals are behaving ourselves. They just simply enjoy the show and hold no biases. Absolutely infuriating to talk to for that very reason.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Who is your favorite and least favorite IWTV series, movie, and book character and why?

Hey nonny!

(There's two ways of reading your question, so I'm just gonna answer both versions^^)

My favorite is the new IWTV series, the revamping (ha, pun^^), of the characters, arcs, books in and by themselves while keeping the important bits and elevating it all to art is breathtaking. I love how clever it is, how much it subverts some tropes, how it plays with the meta level by giving us the books Louis reads, or what is laying around in the set behind characters. Hints over hints, and every friggin' line counts. Show of the decade, truly.

I will always love the 1994 movie, since it was what introduced me to the Chronicles, I cannot tell you the state I was in after I came home from the theater. I watched it daily as soon as I could get it on tape, I shit you not. (Easily Tom Cruise's best performance, too, imho, as a note^^)

And I waited years for the sequel... only to get Queen of the Damned. Ahem.

I am sorry, but that has to be my least favorite of it all, though Aaliyah was breathtaking. And the soundtrack was good.

Now character-wise...interestingly enough book-Louis came to mind immediately. He is (probably) my least favorite. And I say that as a fan *laughs* He is just... IDK. I know the history behind it, and I know the pain Anne must have been in (and which I do not dare to imagine), and I know why she had to leave him behind... but even though he has his reasons, too, they never really resonated with me. And neither did his backstory. As a vessel he works very well, because he is empty in IWTV, or he feels so for me, but as a character I do not feel him.

Thankfully the show version has completely eclipsed him for me, and I can finally enjoy who Louis truly is and who he will become - quite the feat I have to say, and I love, love, LOVE them for it.

All in all Lestat is probably the character who is my favorite though, not the least because he can be so capricious. There are... parallels to my own life, parallels the show will yet touch upon in future seasons. When I read The Vampire Lestat I felt those in my bones. It doesn't matter here if show, 1994 movie or book, though of course Sam... IS Lestat now. ^^ Season 1, filtered through Louis' (influenced) POV was only a hint after all, and... Lestat is yet to fully appear.

I do not really have characters that I don't like in the show - every character they have is very well cast, and very poignant in their function for the story, even the repugnant ones. They vibe. Maybe there will be a future show character I do not like in and by "themselves", but... I actually doubt it. They're so terrific at casting.

In the movie it is the same, on the contrary, I always remember here that Christian Slater jumped in for the late River Phoenix, and donated his salary, so there is always a warm feeling when watching him. For example. Antonio Banderas did have the gravitas and managed to... insinuate at least.^^ And watching that scene with the girl on stage in the theater, totally unprepared was something else. There was no sound in the theater. NONE. Absolutely breathtaking.

Now QotD of course... (the movie). Where should I start *laughs*. I said it before, but maybe the best thing that came of it was Sam getting into the VC through it. The worst was probably Armand there, lol. Not sure if he ever says anything in the theater cut (I know there were scenes cut), but... just...

So yeah.

Show characters and show have taken over^^. Will continue to take over, too, I bet. I cannot wait.

[issybettyx]

ALASTOR THEORY/HEADCANON

Content warning; cannibalism, death, gore? Not visual anywho

I got bored today and since I found Hazbin Hotel at the start of Feb I’ve found Alastor’s character very interesting. So, I decided to look into the mythology of the Wendigo, which if you don’t know is what inspired Alastor’s full demonic form that we see when he’s taking down the loan sharks in ep 5 and at the end of ep 8

First I read through the wikipedia page and got a general idea of what the Wendigo is. For those who don’t know, it is essentially a mythological cannibalistic creature that is often depicted as a deer in modern pop culture. As well as it being viewed as a literal, malevolent, cannibalistic creature, it can also serve as a metaphor for the covetous and self-interested parts of humanity, and how greed can make someone into the worst version of themselves.

However, and this is where my theory starts to form, on the wikipedia page I also found something called ‘Wendigo Psychosis’, the definition being; an overwhelming belief and delusion that individuals are transforming into Wendigos, malevolent spirits driven by an insatiable desire for human flesh. In other words, the fear of becoming cannibalistic due to the need or want to indulge in human flesh. Now, the reason for my sudden research into wendigos was to figure out a reason as to why this was chosen to inspire Alastor’s demonic form (I am new to the fandom, there might already be a reason, if so take this as a headcanon idk), so I decided to look further and watched a youtube video.

This youtube video was mostly fiction, as it was describing the biology behind wendigos. But also in this video it described how a wendigo could be formed according to indigenous stories surrounding them. If one is put in a life or death situation with a loved one, where their loved one is already dead and they have to decide between eating them or dying, the person is faced with the decision of death or loss of humanity. If they choose to eat the flesh, it is believed this is the trigger that turns a human into a wendigo.

So, hear me out. This is a bit farfetched but I think it’s interesting to entertain. What if Alastor was put in such a situation with his mother. What if this situation jumpstarted the loss of his humanity, drove him to a life of serial killing, because he became the metaphorical embodiment of a wendigo. On top of this, people also believed that once they gave in to such a heinous act, they would crave more.

The Wendigo “exemplifies human nature’s tendency to indulge its self-interests, which, once indulged, demand even greater indulgence and ultimately result in the extreme — the erosion of principles and values” - Basil H. Johnston.

If even one person read this, thank you for coming to my TED talk, I am off to go write a dead dove; don’t eat with this concept

———————

Wikipedia page; https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wendigo

Youtube video; https://youtu.be/AswP2pxRToM?si=t_p6cHpzNMHv3InL

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Good Omens Fic Rec: My True and Complicated Romantic Feelings for the Demon Crowley

In which a Demonic Contract is written by the demon Crowley (and signed by the angel Aziraphale) in an attempt to resolve a very dangerous celestial standoff. "The contract had been right about one thing, they had circled each other like dogs for millennia and would continue until someone forced the issue. Aziraphale wanted to know, to finally see what it was that Crowley had been offering."

Length: 27,357 words

AO3 Rating: Mature / Spice Level: 🔥🔥

Best for: Angst, One Sitting, At Home

Triggers: Dubious Consent

Read it here, fic by Hermuseros

Note: First of all, I want it to be known that this is the exact fic that pushed me to create this blog. I have been reading fanfic again for the first time in 7 years, and have been treated to some amazing stories. What set this one apart for me has a lot to do with this being this authors first fic. This is what excites me about fanfic! People putting stuff out there for the first time and still finding ways to be fresh and creative! And proves that the Good Omens fandom has so much further we can go until we get Season 3! I am so excited for this period of creation.

*Minor Spoilers* In this story, we meet up with Aziraphale and Crowley several years after Aziraphale has left to become Supreme Archangel. This is not a romantic reuniting. Aziraphale is changed, he has lost his essence and is becoming the worst version of himself. His behavior is off putting, and has a hint of underlying violence. I was worried about the characterization, it isn't the Aziraphale we love. But that's the point. Heaven corrupts, removes him from who he became on earth. Heaven is an interesting place here. It removes complex emotions and turns on an obedient type of reverence. You can begin to understand why Gabriel and the rest of the angels are the way they are. Aziraphale was only able to become who he is by escaping to earth. Now that he's been there so long, overwhelmed by the power and responsibility he holds, he's forgotten who he is.

I won't spoil all the plot details, lets just say the contract mentioned in the summary allows each other full control over the other for three days each. Aziraphale uses his days to force his way into Crowley's mind, which leads to a really interesting concept of their inner worlds. Giving them access to the others deepest secrets. They are incredibly engaging scenes, but have an underlying feeling of trespass and betrayal. It is not a consenting experience, but also does force them to face their issues head on. Would they have been able to be honest with each other without force? Maybe, maybe not, but Aziraphale demands access when Crowley would have given it if asked. Crowley uses his days of control in a different way. A soothing balm to everything that came before. Crowley's days are where this story really shines. The range of emotions that Aziraphale goes through is visceral. He is wild with anger, shame, and hunger. It's everything he has bottled up for thousands of years overflowing and overwhelming him. Only then can the pieces start to come back together. That passion isn't shameful. That it's good to WANT, to hunger. To feel regret and anger fully. To complete the cheese, it's what makes us human. The side Aziraphale and Crowley chose for themselves. And that emotional balance Crowley brings to Aziraphale is what will end up saving them.

While I will always want a longer story, this length was very satisfying. It tells exactly the story it wants to tell and doesn't run around in circles repeating itself. This is an excellent first time fic! An engaging and unique character study that I loved. It's semi safe in public until towards the end, but I think one sitting at home is the best place for this.

Read it here, fic by Hermuseros

[jkpfr]

OC-tober Day 19: Inspiration

I’m queueing this post because I know I’ll be away from the 17th to the 19th – and because the theme is “inspiration”, I get to talk about my boy Hideki yet again.

(…Though it’s very likely that I won’t have talked about Hideki as part of this challenge yet, but I don’t know that for a fact since I’m writing this way ahead of time. What I mean is: I love talking about this. Strap in.)

When I first created my sweet boy Hideki, his name was Daniel and he was white. Horrible history, I know. I completely revamped this character around 2018-2019 for a Danganronpa RP (horrible history, I know) which gave me the perfect opportunity to keep the same basic layout but make it better, and accentuate some aspects, such as his relationship with being a top-student, a lot more.

One thing that hadn’t changed was my warm memory of the song that inspired this character in the first place. And that song was Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace.

I created Daniel at some point when I was in high school. By that point, I already knew that song by heart. I’d discovered it via an edgy bloody anime girls montage on YouTube when I was like 10, and after years of listening to it via the AMV, I’d bought the album it was on, One-X, when I was in middle school. And for some reason, this was my go-to CD to put on when I was home alone and washing the dishes.

So it was one random day, as I was washing the dishes and listening to this song I loved, that inspiration struck and I came up with him.

I’m not going to lie, I still love this album unironically. Three Days Grace was never the same after their lead singer left – the new singer and direction never matched the raw and sincere frustration expressed in their earlier works. This album, generally, and this song were relatable as hell. When I listened to the song for the first hundred times, without really knowing what it meant and with English as my second language, I related this song to my personal experience of living in an abusive home (a theme explored in other songs on the album) and going to a school where I didn’t belong for many reasons. The “animal I had become” was, to me, the version of me that was too mentally exhausted to interact fully with the world, to be the real me I identified with. Years later, I could even add that the “monster” was my then-undiagnosed anxiety, which scared me and made me react in ways I didn’t understand. However, this song is ultimately about addiction. This is something I think I started to understand as my grasp of the English language gradually got better, and that I wound up confirming with a Google search.

It's with that personal relationship to the song and with that knowledge in mind that I came up with a character who had become someone they hated. A character who was a horrible version of themselves, but would internally beg for help, to be freed from this horror. I came up with a character who was initially a complete softie (in my more recent writings, I would make it obvious that he was too soft for his own good) and through abuse, confusion and exhaustion exploded one day and let himself become the worst possible version of himself. This “explosion” isn’t without the intervention of addiction, he lashes out on the person he wanted to build a life with, who then leaves him, and everything is interlinked.

(Of course, because I love a little bit of drama, there’s a misunderstanding with what really caused his boyfriend to “leave”. But that’s unrelated to any song. What matters to what is at the heart of what this song means to me, is what Hideki thinks happened.)

This was the gist of Hideki’s characterisation for a long time. Now, here’s the thing about that Danganronpa RP. Although Hideki was one of my most popular characters ever, and I went through a lot of effort to explore his characterisation as fully as I could within the limitations of that story, the person organising that RP, aka the GM, abused the shit out of me. Oopsie.

This post isn’t about me so I won’t go through the details, but taking advantage of the horrible mental state that I was in back then from going through undiagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder following my aforementioned situation of abuse, this person, among a couple others, made me go through hell and worsened my mental state to the point that I… went in shock one day from realising I had hit rock bottom a long time ago – that I had become the monster I’d feared all my life. This was accompanied by my own break-up, which was in fact what caused me to suddenly wake up.

And here was the inspiration for the second part of Hideki’s writing.

Funnily, my ex-partner had participated in that RP alongside me and had hated Hideki’s boyfriend for having left him, even if Hideki had in fact wronged him, because they knew that character knew what he was going through, and how dangerous it was to abandon him then. I shit you not my partner wound up doing the exact same thing to me. And it’s fine! I’d always defended the nuance in what Jun – the boyfriend character – was perceived to have done.

Here’s the thing, though: there’s a good ending to that story. Having suddenly opened my eyes to what was happening to me, I first went through so much shock that my mental health reached a brand new low and my life was in direct danger. And yet, this was a period in my life that was filled with hope. I was going through something extremely difficult, and that forced me to face the me that wanted to fight to the end. I’ll skip over the details – but after surviving this, having gotten some of the help I needed, having been faced with that strong ability to survive I had, I was able to take control of myself again. And I was free to be the real me again.

And that’s when it struck me that I’d never really conceptualised a good ending for Hideki.

My writing of Hideki kinda stopped in the middle of the conflict. As far as shoving him in different RPs where he would live through specific adventures went, that was perfect. But suddenly, I had a brand new experience, and something inside of me must have known just what made sense for such a relatable character as Hideki.

I know this is already very long, but here’s another song; one day, not too long after my healing had started, I was listening to some rock classics. One of those was Highway to Hell by AC/DC.

And very fittingly for Hideki, randomly, for no particular reason, I started to think about a character who was going to heal.

I thought about a Hideki who eventually reached the right time. Who one day felt like listening to music to help vent his frustrations, and by chance discovered rock, hard rock and metal. Who listened to Highway to Hell, felt something, and suddenly had something he wanted to do. Ideas like “attending a concert”, hope like “I will enjoy it” and “I will be able to blend in”, and that was the start of a messy journey, but a journey of healing nonetheless.

This is the start of an iteration of Hideki which I often joke about, dubbing him “metal Hideki”. He dyes his overgrown bright orange hair an ashy brown, he puts on an edgy t-shirt, and there’s something so fun about how silly it is and yet how much it means to his finally putting himself out there.

This inspired me to finish writing his and Jun’s stories, and I’m very satisfied with how I was able to draw inspiration from different stages in my life to write a compelling character, and by how a song was somehow the starting point both times.

There’s a lot more I could say about Hideki; his backstory and his future, which I never used in RP, in part because I have a full story to tell now! (And also because I’m never doing that shit again. Holy shit.) I’ll leave it at this recent cutesy doodle of him, which is directly taken from a song I felt like he would relate to.

[towersofprospit]

How about the Knight of Heart? As a treat. It's my classpect.

🌑 Of course!! Thanks for the ask. 🌑

Knight of Heart

Knight: Knights are a protector class, through and through. They use a mask of self-importance/“cool”ness to hide how much they care for others, and they’re happiest when their friends are happy.

Heart: Heart is the aspect of emotion, self-expression and the True Self. Because of this, they can be very different depending on class, but you can certainly never accuse a Heartbound of being shallow. They can have trouble separating their inner world and the real world, though.

Inverted Title: Rogue of Mind

Oh this is gonna be fun, knights are among my favourites. Very well then. A Knight of Heart is an interesting case. How does one hide behind identity? Simple enough, a KoH wants everyone to believe they know exactly who they are. And it works, too! From the outside, a Knight of Heart is impenetrable. They may not be the most well-liked person in the room, or the most talented, but it doesn’t matter, because they’re completely aware and sure of themselves, and that means nothing can shake them, be it a petty insult or a crisis.

Whether this is actually true depends on the particular knight and how far along they are in their development, but it will nonetheless be something they strive for. This Knight is also interesting because it would genuinely be hard to parse said development, since they were hiding behind their true self in the first place. Even if their mask consisted of Emotion rather than Self, or some other aspect of Heart, the end result would be the same. Long story short, a Knight of Heart would be Rose Lalonde’s worst nightmare.

We’ve talked at length about the inner workings of this Knight, now let us look at how they might interact with the world around them. Heart players seem to have an innate understanding of what makes up the core of people, their heart if you will, and Knight being the class of innate skill with their aspect, this ability would become a weapon in their hands. Just as with all knights though, this weapon is a double-edged sword, and a Knight that is too empathetic may let their understanding of people get in the way of treating them as they deserve, or in turn a more unempathetic Knight might come to see any person’s action that doesn’t match up with the version of them they perceive as a deception. Whoo, that was a sentence and a half.

I feel as though I’ve been a bit harsh to this classpect. That’s part of the nature of the Knight class though, occasionally they need a reality check. Not that their heads tend to wander, Knights tend to be fairly rooted in reality, only that they tend to lose sight of others’ perspectives in favour of their own. Particularly unhealthy knights also tend towards self-sustaining loops of anxiety, usually somewhat regarding their aspect. “Is the version of me I show others truly who I am? Are my emotions justified?” A Knight that can stay grounded is a formidable force, however, and should not be underestimated.

A Knight of Heart might be someone who enjoys and is skilled in roleplaying, and by connection RPGs. They strike me as the type to enjoy games where decisions and consequences hold real weight, and their dialogue options always reflect their true feelings, rather than the ‘good’ path most main characters are pushed into pursuing. They might also be skilled in matters regarding technology, coding and torrenting, and for some reason my intuition tells me scrapbooking. It’s an interesting idea, for sure. If you’re a KoH feel free to tell me how you feel about scrapbooking I’d love to hear it.

Mostly they need to remember that their achievements hold weight, and others cannot prescribe meaning to what they hold dear, only they can. As the knower of all that is irrelevant, I would know. Also, they shouldn’t let the whims of others become obstacles for their own desires.

[mirror-to-the-past]

Okay, I finished playing Re:Coded. Went through it pretty quickly; it was a shorter game. Also, very interesting and welcome in concepts. I was hoping for an expansion on the data world since KH2, because the prologue of that game made me extremely intrigued regarding everything with how it affected Roxas (Bonus, was also happy that Roxas, or at least an iteration of him, got some screentime in this game, too. Gives me more hope for a reappearance in the future.), and I'd say it delivered!

Just like the Nobodies, the data version of Sora definitely demonstrated questionably emotional displays for a being that "doesn't have a heart." With similar sentiments to Roxas and Xion, I seriously question whether or not a heart is all that important/necessary for a full scale of emotions if they act that real "without" one. I also question if people can't just create their own hearts out of pure strength of will (I mean, if the Org. XIII Nobodies were very strong willed individuals for coming into being, I don't see why the inverse can't be true- that because they are individuals of strong will, they can't just forge their own way and find their own heart/spirit.)... but I digress.

I joked earlier that "haha, for all of the fiction tropes Kingdom Hearts fully exploits, I'm surprised 'the prophecy' hasn't come up yet." Ding ding, another joke come true for me to add to the books, because Maleficent mentioned a whole damn book of prophecies. I'm strapping myself in, mentally. Hoo boy, here we go, create new worlds from stories, huh? Also once again, such a queen, she highlights the fluid nature of reality KH set ever since "Is this for real, or not?" I love when she chided Pete, with: "Ah, but who's to say a fairy tale's not true?" Hilariously meta, coming from her. Also yeah, Disney/FF game is slowly becoming aware of the fact that it's a Disney/FF game but it's owning it. Another one of the funniest aspects of this series is that, from the characters' perspectives, everything is fantastical in a normal way- there is no precedent set for what is "normal" when multiple worlds have phenomenon like talking animals, magical princesses, spells powered by love, antagonists like evil fairies, or other threats that are very real to them. It's only from us, as the audience, with our cultural awareness of Disney movies and the like that we laugh at the ridiculousness of Mickey Mouse being a plot relevant character. So, it's like the characters, completely and utterly serious about everything they interact with, are slowly learning the magical/fiction nature of their reality. I dunno, a bit of a disjointed ramble there, but it makes sense to me. Sure it's not exactly a groundbreaking sentiment- "woah, fiction is reality to the fictitious," but anywho. Still waiting for it to go the whole nine miles and make Earth canon as contrast to everything else- go full fourth wall breaking. I'll show you how fiction you guys really are, buster!

Anyway... uh... where was I? Oh yes, other Maleficent line that caught my eye (playing games on emulators afford me the opportunity to write things down more... :D):

"You should have stayed inside, boy. There, the worst fate to befall you would have been eternal slumber...

...Such a shame you understand so little of the darkness. The world desires its embrace! There is nothing in darkness. No sadness, no cause for hurt... In darkness, one cannot see ones mistakes, or the dreams that failed to be."

Here, darkness as an element adds a new layer to its characterization throughout the series from just ambition/power, knowledge, or the like. Here, darkness is more of a shield from pain, or an obfuscation. Darkness is more of the gentle lie than I've seen light as being. And that's... something. When someone is dealing with darkness within this series, or trying to gain a mastery over it- has it not been in a futile attempt to puff themselves up and disguise hurt/insecurities/unsteady ground that they walk upon? I can't say for sure for Xehanort, but it has been the case for Riku and Terra, so...

Contrastingly, that would make light the element that demands everything to be pure, honest, and open. It would have no inclination towards unsteady foundations, or soft versions of truths/white lies with good intent. Something something, soft moon versus callous sun. Funnily enough though, with both of these explanations, it's apparent that their respective foundations both lead to some sort of emotional repression, either out of a desire for utter individual control and strength emotionally (darkness) (not possible) or out of a desire for perfect order and lack of duplicity (light) (also not possible). And with that, maybe Xehanort's got something to the whole "balance of light and dark" thing, who woulda thunk extremes would be problematic? Of course, the whole genocidal tendencies is... eh...

Naminé! That was the other thing I wanted to speak on. Am I to understand that with Mickey's letter at the end of the game, Sora finally knows of Naminé and his relation to her, as well as Castle Oblivion, at least a little bit?? Literally on the edge of my seat, guys. Mickey said he'd tell our Sora about the Coded journey, so I hoped that'd be a part of the package. :/ I was happy to see "Thank Naminé" get concluded at least a little bit, even if it was just Data Sora, but pleaseee...

Also, oogh, Sora's consistent character conflict being centered around repression and its various forms continues to pull at my mind a bit. I transcribed part of Naminé and Data Sora's conversation because of how Relevant it was feeling. As well as addressing Sora's own hurt, Ventus' with the "they've been sleeping a long time," the conversation also doubled as serving as an explanation for events such as the Xion fever dream in Days where she/Sora by extension experienced Riku's memory from CoM:

S: "These are my memories?"

N: "No, not yours. These belong to people connected to you."

S: "What? Isn't it weird for someone else's memories to be inside me?"

N: "Right, it's not usually possible. When I first found them while repairing your memory, I thought I'd made a mistake. But all the evidence I found proves they belong in your heart, where they've been sleeping a long... long time. One day, Sora will have to call them to the surface. They're important memories... but very dangerous ones."

M: "Dangerous how?"

N: "These memories are too painful. Handled the wrong way, they could damage Sora's heart- even break it..."

Like when Data Sora told Data Roxas he'd carry his hurt from then on, Sora effectively symbolizes the individual who gives and gives of themselves to such a degree that the pain of others becomes his own- putting his own hurt and individualism eternally aside for the noble cause of "keep on keeping on." Of course, to be affected by the pain of others is to be human, but in such an identity defining way as is the case with Sora, as well as Naminé noting such things aren't typically possible (within this universe's rules) and that the others' memories "belong" with Sora, it's clear what this is doing to him- you can't help but wonder if Naminé's worry about Sora's heart breaking from having to confront internalized hurt and memories might be warranted. I'd dare to say that it makes sense why Xion saw so much of herself in Sora even outside of the memories, considering the way they unwaveringly waver on who they are, all for the sake of being what is perceived as needed for others they deem important. Am I looking way too much into it? Maybe. Do I care? No. I'll pathologize my boy with a case of "chronic people pleaser on a thematic level" all I want. Is he an Empath,™ a teenager being a teenager, or is he losing himself- perhaps all three? Find out... next episode...

(Can't wait to find out whatever the "research" is that Ansem stuck within Sora's sleeping mind. Can't help but assume its importance, given that it's been mentioned twice, now.)

Alright, that's everything on Coded, I'm now gonna hop to dumping some thoughts on Dream Drop Distance that I've started a little bit of, because.... :D

[zackie-star]

Crises Core; Thoughts

So I have finished playing Crises Core Reunion, and I have a lot of thoughts. There are so many thoughts that I decided to make a whole Tumbler account just for my thoughts.

I will go through them chronologically, starting from technical gameplay to story and it's parts. Now, all of this is my basic overview of CC before actually taking the time to dissect everything, please bear that in mind.

Technical

I won't be spending too much time on this part because I am not the best at technical things.

☆ Tutorial; The tutorial itself was jancky, having Konsul actively telling you things constantly is not the best way to structure giving basic information to the player. Having the tutorial mixed in with the gameplay would have been better, although, this isn't the worst most games did this. I did find it hilarious that sometimes the characters just told you to open the menu or save.

☆ Maps; I did not do this much, in fact, I almost always forgot the map existed since the button for it was different from FF7 remake which I played right before it.

☆ Battle; I am going to be honest and say that I am terrible at fighting. But, I also found the fights entertaining and the general style of everything pretty good. The only issue I had is the item usage being X with R2 to switch because it was sort of annoying to do, although that could just be me.

☆ Animation; It was hilarious. Seeing the jancky animations with the pauses in between always made my day better, I don't think it's bad either just a product of it's time. Even if it wasn't, I can never hate it. It has it's charms and I eat it up.

☆ Character Design; I love the designs, the characters have so much personality encoded into their designs. Angeal's facial design (as in features) with his facial hair and short hair tells me exactly what I need to know about him same for Zack. This also goes for the monsters who are unique although I don't think it tells me much about them especially (or perhaps only) about the small monsters.

Story

☆ General Story

The story of CC is pretty interesting, the fall of Heros. It's a simple one really, but, it's a really well done one. Angeal, Genesis, and Sephiroth were the heros of Midgar beloved by all (as corroborated by the fanclub in LOVELESS area) and yet they, unlike their stories, fell.

I like to read this story with the Fall of Lucifer in mind. Lucifer depending on the story you read, is either a prideful angel who fell from grace after succumbing to his pride or a beaten angel who stood against his creator.

Either Gensis, Angeal, or Sephiroth each depicted a different version of Lucifer (metaphorically) or they each depict (metaphorically) the Angels that fell from grace alongside Lucifer.

For me Gensis would be the Lucifer who fell from grace after succumbing to his own pride which lead him to criticis God's action. His a mix between the stories where he is the one who leads people away from God's lies and the one who fell from pride.

Gensis is a person who became angered and desperate about his degradation. He wanted a way to fix it as soon as possible as well as quench the anger that bubbled, that was actually probably fear if anything. What better way to do that then to rebel and destroy that which hurt you in the first place? Shinra created him as a weapon, it's greatest weapon much like God created Lucifer to become his greatest angel.

Then fucked him over.

He felt no loyalty to anyone who associated themselves with the very thing that ate away at him, Shinra, just like it ate away at the world.

His obsession with LOVELESS is honestly perfect for this. LOVELESS is a story of three friends, but Gensis focuses more on the Goddess. I personally think he wants to feel special, chosen, and worthy of gifts in contrast to Shinra that views him as little more than a failed dying experiment that they can milk for all it's worth before it kicks the bucket.

Although he was angry, desperate, and most likely afraid for his life he still succumbed to his pride. He felt that his suffering warrants wrath towards everyone, even the innocent, so much so he was prepared to take the world with him.

Okay so Angeal is Asbeel that fell from grace along Lucifer. Shinra created him to be a perfect weapon and succeeded. Angeal wanted nothing more then to become a SOLDIER, he trained for it, and even built his own identity over what he thought SOLDIER represented.

Angeals view of Honor is based on his capability of doing what is viewed as morally correct, and, I feel that he managed to link that to his occupation because he viewed SOLDIER as protectors of the people and those who upheld the greater good. Thus, Honor become SOLDIER Honor.

Until Gensis fell, and whispered to him. He fell alongside him pulling other angels (Zack and in proxy Cloud) down with him. Now Asbeel lead the sons of God astray with evil council so that they defiled themselves with the daughters of men.

This makes sense since it was his fall that led to Zack falling and eventually meeting Aerith who he loved.

If he was a Lucifer I think he'd be the modern Lucifer that is beloved. He saw through God's (Shinra's) lies of love and lead a courageous onslaught to free people from his tyranny. Angeal at first loved Shinra like Lucifer loved God, he fell just like Lucifer when Lucifer saw that God did not treat him as much as he deserved, just like Angeal.

Angeal at first was conflicted internally not understanding what he felt or why. That was until he figured out the truth about Shinra and helped Zack along the way.

So the Lesbian- Sephiroth is the Lucifer of greed or of Ego. He fell not because he saw through Shinra but because he felt like he was chosen. I don't believe the fact of his monstrous nature is what pulled him over the edge, I think he was simply seeking answers for the question of why he felt different. The way he worded it "Special" however, can show us a bit about him.

And when he got it through reading and reading in the mansion, it got him. It swelled his pride and made him feel special as he words it, special enough that he owned the world. His mother was the Jenova the one who was supposed to control everything.

Everything came together, his feelings of being so unlike the others since his childhood, his deification by the public, his mother. It made him feel euphoric, he finally had an answer for his coagulated emotions of feeling different and that led to ego. So much ego he became a monster, not because of his birth, but because of what he chose to be.

Now the three come together to create the story, the story of the fall. This game to me is more about them (and Zack) then anything, sure it sets up everything but only because it is them who is the crux.

Shinra themselves are odd but I think they perfectly represent greed, ego, and pride, the very thing that makes Lucifer fall. They are God and they are Lucifer's vices, a bit poetic if you ask me.

Jenova is - a mess too long to out here and probably will be her own post. Same with Zack.

* Another thing is that they could each represent each part of Lucifer; Gensis is Greed , Sephiroth is Ego, and Angeal would be pride.

To be continued.

[blkkizzat]

I've been following your blog for a while now, and I hope this isn't weird to ask but I think you may have the best answer since you're an amazing writer. My friend has been taking down their works and giving up on telling others they even write fics because they feel no one likes their writing. They think this because when they ask for feedback it's silence. They keep comparing themselves to other writers and I feel bad they don't believe they're a great writer. As a writer did you ever have these feelings or do you have them now at certain times? I just want to be a good friend and motivate them to keep writing.

Oh wow. Well first, thank you so much! That really makes me happy you 1) like my writing so much but 2) even coming to me with this question!

(this is a long reply sorry lol but two parts, advice for friend and then my own personal insecurities)

Advice for your friend:

First, who your friend is asking? Are they asking on their blog or to a group chat or dms to others? Even though it shouldn't seem like it asking for feedback on your blog is probably the worst way. People rarely even reblog nowadays so asking them to take the time to comment and give something meaningful isn't likely going to happen (also people could feel shy too!).

However, I would tell your friend to reach out to people who regularly interact with their content the most and ask them if they would beta read or provide feedback. It may seem a bit intimidating to ask especially if they don't know them but if the person is liking their content that much I'm sure they would be flattered at the ask. Or start interacting with other writers more whose work they do like. I wouldn't ask right off the back for tips and feedback but if they begin chatting with them regularly and become mutuals then it'd be okay to then ask. A lot of writers, myself included, love talking about writing.

But at the end of the day tell your friend to write for their own satisfaction in their own perspective. My thing is if it don't make me, cry, laugh, horny or any of the main emotions I want to feel while writing it I keep working on it. It's my fic and I can't get anyone to feel an emotion if I don't feel it when I am writing/reading it back. Thats also what gets me out of my funk cause I tell myself I will continue to work on it until i do like it.

I'm not saying here to not care about interactions (cause everyone wants feedback) but to just write until you personally feel good about it and to be honest about when that is. You will feel a lot better about the work you do put out when you write for your preferences alone and I feel more people respond to that as well. Even when taking requests, sure people are asking for something but at the end of the day they are asking for your version of it still. People don't want to read you trying to be someone else they want to read you! Think of it like this. Never doubt your idea. Your plot is rarely the problem because we all end up recycling similar ideas, nothing is revolutionary here. As far as technical skill you can improve your writing by being more descriptive, using a variety of different words (use word lists for smut/feeliings/etc), and tapping more into how the characters are feeling in the moment. About my insecurities:

I feel like its natural to be your own worst critic and I am definitely mine. You are never going to view yourself or your work as others view it which is a shame because I feel like people wouldn't struggle so much with insecurities if they could honestly tap into others true thoughts of them at will.

About mid-fic is where I notoriously hate every single fic I write and have to will myself to push through to finish it. I love writing but working on one story at a time can be fatiguing so I tend to work on multiple. That way if I am stuck and hating something, I can hop to another and give my brain a break as I am usually overthinking it/too deep in it and need to step back.

I honestly don't compare the quality of my work to others as I do like my style as much as the frequency of work I do. I am a very slow writer and I write in a very non linear fashion where I write sections and then weave them together and then comb over them 3-4 times before moving on to the next part and jump around. It stuns me how some writers say they never re-read their work because I will reread 10x times tweaking things here and there until my OCD is satisfied and I'm happy with it. I definitely get envious of writers who can just pump out quality fics like hot cakes and post multiple times a week. I'm lucky to get 1-2 done in a month haha. Especially frustrating when I have a ton of ideas (like almost 30 fic ideas currently) I'm dying to write and like 5+ half written fics cause I keep jumping around lol. To top it off I'm more of a descriptive writer so a fic being under 5k to me is a miracle lol.

I love reading others fanfics too (what inspired me to write in the first place!) but sometimes I have feel guilty and not been able to really enjoy because I'm like "I'm reading these when I could be writing mine and i have like 10 requests sitting in my inbox on top of that lol."

Clearly I'm long winded af cause I did not mean for this to be this long either lol. But I hope you got something from this that can help your friend. Keep being encouraging to them! I'm glad they have you in their corner!

[novelmonger]

Orly's Draw-A-Story - Not surprised nobody seems to have heard of this one; it's pretty obscure ^^' It's just a simple coloring game about a little Jamaican girl who tells you stories (I think there's three different ones?), and you're supposed to draw the pictures to go along with them. I don't remember much about the stories themselves, except for one where she's scolding her pet frog for wanting to eat a fly, and so she makes up stories about flies who have some sort of epic tale they're in the middle of, but then get eaten by a frog at the worst possible moment. It was cute and fun, and I remember playing it a lot. (I especially remember liking Orly because her favorite color is purple, just like me!)

Super Mario Galaxy - I'm a little surprised this game won by such a large margin, but it is a pretty good game! I think they did a great job of using the potential of the Wii's graphics and motion controls; I remember this being a very satisfying game to play. Not my favorite Mario game, but a solid entry in the franchise.

The Silent Age - Also not surprised no one voted for this one; this one is also pretty obscure, and I think it's an indie game? It's an adventure game that starts in the '70s, if I remember correctly, and it deals with time travel to a post-apocalyptic future. You have to investigate this potential future of humanity, try to figure out what caused the collapse of society, and put a stop to it. It suffers from the usual adventure game issues, but it was fairly easy, and the art style is unique and interesting.

The Last of Us - I. Love. This. Game! T^T The characters! The story! The sound design! The music! The setting! The unique spin on a zombie apocalypse! And of course, it's Naughty Dog, which means top-notch motion capture and facial animation (they hand-animated all the facial expressions a;ldkfj;skldfj;dslfj I could write a whole post just about that). I love how detailed the world is, especially with little Easter eggs from their previous games. I love how careful you have to be with ammo, considering how limited it is, and how visceral the survival aspect is; I think it really helps you become invested with the characters quickly. Because...when I say I got invested quickly...I was sobbing after the first fifteen minutes of the game. And there was another point midway through the game where I had to pause and just cry before I could keep going. This game deserves every accolade it's gotten.

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves - My least-favorite entry in the Uncharted franchise, but still a very good game. Not least because the tutorial level is set in Turkey! Nate and his crew are stealing from the "Istanbul Palace Museum" (which doesn't really exist, but is clearly meant to be a clone of Topkapi Palace), and the guards there are really speaking Turkish! That was such a welcome surprise, I can forgive everything I didn't like about the game for that reason alone ^_^ I'm not a huge fan of Chloe, but I like where the story went, and of course the train level is iconic and masterfully done. Tenzin is a great character, and the whole village is also so detailed and authentic (as far as I can tell)! The final boss is a bit of a chore and not that interesting of a character, but overall, the game is still very good.

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past - I've only played the GBA remake, but I really liked it. It's an old game, so of course the story and characters are a little barebones, but the whole thing just feels like a fairy tale come to life, so it just works. The music is fantastic, the retro graphics are charming (in the GBA version, at least), and the dungeons are all quite challenging. I love the way the world changes between the Light World and the Dark World. What can I say? This is a classic that every Zelda fan needs to play at some point.

Unravel - What a charming little puzzle platformer. This is one of the games I'd point to as evidence that not all games are violent. You play as a little guy made of yarn who falls out of an old lady's knitting basket, and you're trying to get back home. Along the way, you uncover the old lady's memories, slowly piecing together the story of her life - the good days and the bad days. You crawl through tunnels and climb on tree branches, have to deal with various dangers to a little yarn figure like birds or rain, and you can use the yarn you're trailing behind you as a lasso. It's just a really charming, cute little game tinged with melancholy as well as admiration of the world around you. I loved the subtle metaphor of the different seasons you travel through mirroring how close you're getting to the old woman's death.

999: Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors - Love love love this game! *_* When I was playing this, I never wanted to put it down! But of course I had to, because this is a visual novel with quite a few different paths you can walk down and multiple endings, all of which you need to see if you want to get the true ending. It's about a group of nine people who are all kidnapped and placed on a ship modeled after the Titanic. The ship is rigged to explode in nine hours, unless they can figure out the solution to all the puzzles and escape. This kind of story is my jam, with a sinister plot that seems to be some kind of social experiment, a bunch of people with questionable loyalties and trustworthiness, and really high stakes. Sometimes the descriptions of the violence you encounter through the story could get rather gratuitous and over-the-top, but at least the worst of it was only in words, not on the screen. I wish all visual novels could be like this one, where the conversations are interspersed with some really challenging puzzles. And I always like to say this game has the unique distinction of including the most high-stakes game of sudoku I've ever played XD

Arbitrarily-Chosen Video Game Tournament, Round 1.17

Welcome to the Arbitrarily-Chosen Video Game Tournament, where we will find out which of the games I've played is the best game of all time!

Why? Don't ask. Just vote and reblog!

[therealvinelle]

Thoughts on Esme?

I have them.

To start with, I see Esme quite differently from the way this fandom appears to see her, yet also quite differently from the way Meyer intended for me to see her.

I think we all on this website have noticed that fandom has morphed Esme into a very different character than the one we met in the books.

Now, some people take this further than others, and it’s gotten to a point where I can’t tell if fandom believes this new and shinier Esme is canon, or if they know she isn’t canon but don’t care. Either way, the common denominator to all variations of fanon Esme is that this fandom is sick of the way Stephenie Meyer writes women, and see Esme as the worst affected by all. And fanon Esme is a vindication, one where Esme is an assertive, intelligent, feminist woman with a fantastic sex life and an impressive career. The ideal American woman of the 21st century.

And to each their own - if this makes people happy, then by all means. This meta is my personal opinion on her, though, and since fanon Esme has gained such a strong foothold in fandom I would be amiss not to bring her up.

Another thing I’d be amiss not to bring up is movie Esme. The Esme portrayed in the movies is, like so many of the characters, a different person than the one in the books. She is charming, warm, appears to have no difficulty controlling herself, and off the top of my head I can think of one time where she’s given what was originally Carlisle’s moment. I’m talking about sparing Bree - in the books this is something only Carlisle would do, something that has the others going, “jeez, Carlisle, only you”. In the film, this is a decision he and Esme make as a couple. This changes both their characters.

So, these versions of Esme exist, and they’re good characters, but they’re not the Esme I see in the books.

What we meet in canon is a woman who contents herself with being a 50’s housewife. No one in the house eats, she still knows how to cook. Making beautiful homes and keeping them beautiful is not just her passion, it appears to be all she wants to do. Now, humans can be housewives, and that’s a choice I respect very much, but Esme is a vampire, living in a vampire coven. The Cullens have zero need for a housewives. And she doesn’t do other things, either. There is only the creation of homes and being a mother. 

And so Esme floats through eternity, embodying the Mother archetype, going through all the motions mothers do with no deeper meaning to any of it.

She gives me the creeps.

I don’t know if anyone here has read Coraline, but in that book we meet the Other Mother. Other Mother always has time for Coraline, she makes all the delicious food Coraline could ever want, and loves her very much. The cat tells us that this may be, Other Mother may love Coraline, but it could also just be she wants to eat her. And since Bella does end up sowing buttons into her eyes, I can’t shake the association.

I think the Esme Platt who ran away to fend for herself and her child, who got a job and struggled to be independent, died with her child. This was her last tie to hope, to this world, and with his death she gave up on life in a way nothing could meaningfully recall.

She then wakes up as a vampire, beautiful (I’m guessing here, but one of the most common things men like to insult women is by demeaning our appearance. An abusive husband, living with Esme in a time where a woman’s appearance decided her worth even more than it does today, would definitely use this against her. Not to mention, it is a cornerstone in female socialization that we’re taught to value our looks. Becoming inhumanly beautiful would boost anybody’s spirits and install confidence, and I doubt Esme was an exception), stronger and faster than any human man, invulnerable, powerful in a way she never dreamed she could be. 

The man she idolized since she was a child, who was supposed to be an unattainable dream, is there, and even more wonderful than she remembered. He’s the one who saved her, and within the year he becomes her husband. 

(This by itself is too fantastical, too storybook ending, and I imagine snapped whatever remaining strings Esme still had tethering her to sanity. Any newborn vampire would find themselves in a surreal new state of being, but this is a step further. There’s getting to have it all, and then there’s... well, then there’s this.)

Then there is Edward. Days after she lost her son, she’s presented with a young man who lost his mother. 

(And this might be a post of its own, but: we never see Esme be a mother to any of the other Cullens, and I don’t think she is. It’s just Edward. And she loves him all the more for it. She wouldn’t blink at Bella dying if Edward decided his thirst weighed heavier than his fascination with the human. This is canon - they have a conversation about this, and Esme make her stance clear. She puts Edward above absolutely everything else in this world.)

What I’m getting at here, is that Esme was handed perfection on a silver platter. All the things she’d lost, all the things she’d lacked, things that had been taken from her in the cruelest manner possible, were now given to her, in perfect condition at that. Esme will never have to worry about things like money, sickness, aging, or even Edward growing up and leaving the nest. (And even when he does get married and have a baby, he still doesn’t leave the nest!)

Esme was given the ultimate do-over with vampirism, and she spends it being what she never got to be in life. (And I’ll link this post, because Bella’s in the same situation, if less extreme, and they’re both in for a rude awakening. And I don’t think Esme will cope at all.)

To Esme, vampirism is startlingly similar to the afterlife. It’s her tailored paradise, eternal and perfect. There’s the fact that every so often she slips up and eats people, but that only adds to the eeriness of it all.

Esme Cullen is more a ghost story than a vampire to me, haunting whichever house the Cullens inhabit under the guise of being a homebody.

(As for the her supposed sex life with Carlisle - Meyer said they have a spiritual relationship. That’s hilarious, and code for they’re not having sex.)

[chemicalcain]

Pls tell me about the "fucked up house" wip

i wrote a really long answer about this and then my computer turned itself off and the post was lost. tumblr draft autosaves when

"Fucked up house" is essentially a loose collection of notes about the fact that I love haunted house stories and have never written one. First, it's noteworthy that I have a pretty broad definition of a haunted house story. Ghosts or spirits don't actually have to be present. But there are some essential key factors I've managed to identify that capture the vibe of ghost stories as I understand them.

1) The characters are contained within the outer bounds of the setting

The setting might be a single house, a specific estate, a cave system, or an isolated town. The characters might be kept in place by literal walls, by a job contract, by familial ties, or by any number of other motivations. In any case, the inhabitants are trapped, and by the end of the first act, they know they cannot leave.

2) The environment is unnaturally hostile to the inhabitants

Though it might appear pleasant at first glance, the environment is wrong in some way. It may have stairs that are too steep or too narrow, rooms that seem larger than their outside walls, hallways that seem to loop in on themselves. (Or you could have a more stereotypical haunting: bleeding walls, spooky noises, etc.) As the story extends, the hostility becomes more overt, with physical dangers presenting themselves.

3) The environment isolates the inhabitants

Physically or emotionally, the occupants lose touch with the outside world. They might be a long way from the nearest town, isolated physically. Or they might be restricted in how they can communicate with others, experiencing things that make it impossible to connect. Often, each inhabitant becomes isolated from the others, as well.

4) The hostile environment brings out the inhabitants' worst tendencies

The inhabitants may start to turn on each other, blaming the others for the pain and wrongness they feel. In some cases, they may manage to emotionally contextualize this and grow as a team. In other cases, they fight amongst themselves and lose whatever progress they had made.

5) The environment reveals its secrets and history slowly, if at all

No one goes into the haunted house knowing the truth of it, even if they think they do. The reader/viewer, in particular, doesn't learn everything until the very end; usually a lot is left to the imagination. The first act only ever raises questions.

By that definition, here are some of my favorite haunted house stories:

The Haunting of Hill House

Portal

Control

Star Trek TNG: "Remember Me"

Beetlejuice

The Thing

Turn of the Screw is sometimes described as the "first haunted house book," but it doesn't fit my definition. The environment brings peace to the inhabitants, and they band together against the threat of the ghosts, until a tragic ending. The ghosts are the only hostile aspect of the environment, and the governess stops being actively afraid of them halfway through the book. I don't really think the ghosts were haunting the house, either; it's much more interesting if they were haunting the children.

After all that talk about hauntings, I do have some actual notes about the WIP. Some themes and motifs I'm interested in exploring:

Transness and the loss of the past, keeping one eye on your abandoned former self, old letters written to a stranger

Found family, finding familiarity in neurodivergence and queerness, self-recognition through the other

Lack of a stable future, the search for hope to carry on

The inevitable, deadly march of time

The monsters aren't who you think they are

One version I was poking at was a "magic baby boarding school" situation kinda like My Hero Academia or X-Men, where kids with weird abilities were sent to a secretive government facility. I don't know if that's the version I want to continue, but I liked the characters, so they might stick around. My favorite part of the notes is this descriptive item on a character. "Power: 20 foot wingspan"

[strunmah-mah]

I hate comic books, I love comic properties, but I hate comic books.

Comic properties have such wonderful creative potential. These are properties that are willing to just go there and be weird and be themselves push boundaries, ya know. But the comics they’re based on can be such a slog to get through.

I grew up on TMNT (2003). I adore that version of the turtles. When I got older I decided to branch out and try reading the IDW run of the  Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles. I was four issues in when they had a foot not in one of the panels *Want to know what these characters are talking about? Go read the Donatello Miniseries! It was a brand new continuity, what do you mean I already have to do homework for it by issue 4? I dropped it on the spot. If I had missed that what else could I have missed? I don’t enjoy doing homework for my hobbies.

When the MCU started to get big. I was one of many who became a Loki fangirl. And about that same time Marvel decided to do a Loki solo series. Loki: Agent of Asgard. It was good and I loved it. But around that time Marvel also did a continuity reboot, where they merged their main (616) universe with the Ultimates continuity that way the publishers only had to make stories for one universe and everything was supposed to be staring from scratch as an easy jump in point for new readers. Except some characters were to be able to remember their old universes and Loki was supposed to be one of them.

This confused me. Why would do a continuity reset but have select characters remember? As a reader, how were you supposed to know which characters did or did not remember their old universe. It was weird, but I rolled with it. Loki had just undergone massive character arc and I was glad he wasn’t getting erased. He was also dragging his new best friend, Verity Willis (a character original to his solo run and one of the best things about it) into the new universe with him. So I picked up The Might Thor #1, the next series Loki was supposed to appear in, and started reading.

It sucked. Despite the reset the new Thor run started right where the previous run had left off. In the middle of political shenanigans with characters I had never heard of before. I had no idea what was happening, but I hung on for Loki. In Loki’s solo run he had become something of a neutral figure verging on heroic with some new powers to boot. And I was curious to see how he would team up with Jane Foster as Thor. So imagine my immense disappointment when Loki showed up as a full blown villain. All of his character development gone, Verity Willis erased. But they kept his final look from his solo run and some of his new powers. It felt like a betrayal and I dropped the run.

I enjoyed the movie Batman: Under The Red Hood. I got attached to Jason Todd, So I wanted to read his solo runs. Lost Days was very good, Talia as a mentor figure to Jason was great, right until the last issue where the characters went fro mother/son to jumping into bed together. It was weird gross and uncomfortable. So I picked up Red Hood and the Outlaws the new 52 run. That teamup felt like someone picked a bunch of names out of a hat and said “let’s right about them.” I couldn’t figure out why they stuck together as a team when at least one of them ways always running off and doming something on their own. A Jason Todd who says you shouldn’t murder child traffickers and slavers in not my Jason Todd.  And there was something wildly wrong with Starfire’s character too. Some of those issues were physically exhausting to get through.

Again and again this happens. Christopher Nolan’s batman trilogy? Great! Wayne family Adventures? Awesome! Batman titled comic runs be it solo or team up. Batman the character is the worst part of those.

My sister and I watched Transformers Prime together It was our bonding activity for a while. She decided she wanted to read some of the Transformer Comics too. Except the series she picked and liked kept changing it’s title at random and she couldn’t keep track of what issue to buy.

How come comic based cartoons and movies can be so good? But the comics they are based on can be such pains?

[taraljc]

Thor is my favorite MCU film at this point it's mostly for sentimental reasons but I fell and fell hard, and huge part of that was the writing. Zack and Ash gave us an incredibly complex Shakespearean drama clothed in the trappings of pop culture comic books. Kenneth Brannagh brought his a-game and extraordinary casting skills and took everything to the next level. And today it remains the MCU film with the largest number of fabulous ladies who are all incredibly different and incredibly awesome. (I still dearly wish that Darcy could have met Valkyrie, though.)

The amount of pathos that Tom Hiddleston brought to the role is the entire reason why not only does Thor succeed, but The Avengers (despite having a truly terrible script), The Dark World, which is very much a two-hander between hiddles and hemsworth, and the first time we really see the two of them as brothers in part because they went back and shot more material because they were so good at it and it was so integral to the story. then you have the insanity of Ragnarok, and now two seasons of a television series. All because of a solid script with an amazing director and a very talented young man who all poured their hearts and souls into a story and a character.

But the best part is how the series examines how Loki's roll on the sacred timeline has always been to inspire others to become the best version of themselves. And almost beat for beat in s1 we watch Loki go through the same ego death and redemption arc that's Thor did. I don't think anyone can deny that Thor was a dick until he was banished to Midgard. And that moment where Loki appears at the hammer research site and tells Thor Odin is dead and friga has vanished him is when Thor truly believes he has lost everything. He has hit rock bottom, and it changes everything. And he becomes worthy only after learning to genuinely care about other people and apologizing to his brother in the process which I think a lot of people forget about.

Whether it was intentional or not, the way that Loki echoes the important story beats of Thor is part of why it works for me. The two princes who spent 1,000 years being pretty much entitled, thoughtless idiots with a truly staggering body count between them mature into genuinely good men because once they have lost everything, they have to find out who they truly are.

I don't believe the narrative is punishing Loki. I think that it's drawing attention to exactly how much Loki has changed. Brad is very very good at finding weak spots in someone's armor and playing on their worst fears. And Loki does genuinely fear that no matter what he does, he will only ever make things worse. But that's what makes him. Because he is striving to become more. He is genuinely trying to change, completely and sincerely. because Mobius and Sylvie showed him that he is someone who deserves love, and that he is not alone.

It's the real me. A loser.