#me: *feels like shit* 'why must this happen'
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5 times Stiles runs from Derek + 1 time Derek runs from Stiles (sorry to hijack your post but the fic inspo was so real)
Stiles has run away from Derek many times. When they first met, it was mainly because Stiles didn't trust Derek and Derek didn't exactly give him a reason to. Later it was because Derek was saving Stiles' ass and telling him to scram.
But the first time Stiles ran away from him and Derek had to urge to chase had been an innocuous yet sudden feeling he had to immediately stamp down.
They were in the middle of a pack meeting. Somewhere along the way, Stiles went from the token human of Scott's pack to a valuable member of his pack. Derek hadn't actually verbalized this idea in his mind. But his wolf knew.
He was in the middle of a conversation with someone else when an exclamation caught his attention. He turned around and his eyes were immediately met with the unprotected back of Stiles Stilinski bolting out the front entrance of his loft. Derek's entire body braced to run after him. Muscles tense and his wolf howling to chase. The logical side of his brain was the only thing that kept him locked in place because what the fuck was that? The sudden urge had confused Derek, but the full moon was tomorrow so maybe his wolf was just extra excitable. He ignored the fact that it's been years since his wolf had acted like this purely because of a full moon.
The second time, him and Stiles had been alone together. They had become unlikely friends that would occasionally grab lunch together which was a welcome change to Derek's usual solitude.
They were walking back to the parking lot when Stiles whispered, "Oh shit, my wallet." And once again, Derek's eyes were met with the exposed back of Stiles running away from him. Before Derek even had time to process it, he began chasing. The sound of his pursuing footsteps prompted Stiles to look back and Derek caught a glimpse of wide brown eyes and a panicked expression before Stiles began running faster. Now Derek felt like pouncing--
But the rational part of Stiles' brain must have kicked in the same time Derek's did because they both abruptly stopped. Stiles swiveled to face him.
"Why are you chasing me?!" Stiles exclaimed. He was out of breath from the sudden sprint and was gesturing wildly at Derek.
"Why were you running?"
"I left my wallet at the restaurant!"
"Oh." Derek was noticing a pattern. The urge to chase never happened with the other pack members. Just Stiles. "Let's go get it then."
He nonchalantly walked past Stiles who was still fixing him with a bewildered expression.
...
"Stiles, we need to talk."
Nothing got the anxiety spiking like those few words. Stiles and Derek were alone in Derek's loft post-pack meeting. Stiles often found himself lingering and being the last to leave these days. But hearing those words and seeing the stern expression on Derek's face had him wishing to be anywhere but here. Derek was leaning on the counter of his kitchen island. His piercing hazel eyes pinning Stiles in place. He nervously fidgeted before mustering up the courage to get closer and join Derek in the kitchen.
"What's up?" He tried to sound more casual than he felt.
"Relax, Stiles, you're not in trouble," Derek said with a frown.
That didn't immediately alleviate the nervousness stirring in Stiles, but he nodded prompting Derek to continue.
Derek opened his mouth. And then immediately shut it. He pinched the bridge of his nose closing his eyes as if to gather himself. This only made Stiles even more anxious because if it was something Derek Hale of all people had a hard time saying it must have been something pretty serious.
Derek sighed and finally looked up at him. "Stiles, you need to stop running."
Stiles barely held back the sputtered sound of surprise that bubbled up from him. Of all the things he expected Derek to say, this definitely wasn't one of them. "What are you talking about? Being part of the pack kinda requires the cardio. You rather have me briskly walk away when I'm being chased by some supernatural evil?"
"That's not what I meant." Derek paused before sighing again. He crossed his arms. "I need you to stop running away from me."
Stiles' face scrunched up. "When have I ran away from you? I mean-- besides all those times I ran away from you, but that was like before. I mean now, or like recently, I don't think I've been running away? I mean if anything I've been hanging around you more which is like the opposite of runn--"
"Stiles."
Stiles took the hint and zipped his mouth closed so Derek could get a chance to respond.
"Remember that time I ran after you when you forgot your wallet?"
"Oh yeah!" Stiles put his hands on his hips. "What was up with that?"
"Whenever you suddenly run away from me, I get the urge to chase you."
"Oh."
Stiles face suddenly felt hot. He cleared his throat before responding. "Uhm, do you know why?"
"I'm still working it out."
Stiles turned the thought around in his heads a few times. He was uncharacteristically quiet when an impulsive thought seized him.
He turned around and started sprinting.
"Stiles!"
Stiles ignored Derek's deep growly voice that called after him and ran as fast as he could. He barely lasted half a second before a sudden weight crashed into his back and had him tumbling to the floor. He rolled once before finding himself pinned underneath Derek Hale.
"Stiles, what did I just say?" Derek hissed.
Stiles' heart was loudly drumming against his rib cage as he stared up at narrowed eyes and furrowed eyebrows. He wondered how red his face was right now because his whole body felt like it was burning up.
"Well, you finally caught me."
"What?"
"You don't chase something unless you're trying to catch it. You caught me. Now what?"
Derek stilled as he stared down at Stiles still pinned beneath him.
Now what?
That was the first of many nights Stiles would spend over at Derek's.
...
The fourth time was at a grocery store. Stiles was over Derek's place more often than not and so today he got to help with selecting what to stock in the fridge. They were idly chatting as they approached the cashier.
Derek began to unload their grocery haul onto the cashier's conveyor belt when Stiles exclaimed, "I forgot the ice cream!"
A flash of movement in his periphery had Derek's wolf eager to make chase. Instead he shouted, "STILES, DON'T RUN!"
Stiles stumbled almost tripping over himself. He stopped and turned around just enough to flash him a sheepish grin before setting out at a brisk walk.
Derek buried his face in his hands after giving a quick apology to the cashier for his outburst. The urge to chase had only gotten harder to push down now that he was officially dating Stiles. His wolf liked having a mate, and he desperately wanted to play and chase and do a few other things with Stiles that weren't exactly appropriate to do in public.
He shook his head. The sooner Stiles made it a habit to not go running off at every random thought in his head, the better.
Little did Derek know, that the fifth time would happen soon after.
They were staring at the piles of grocery bags in the trunk of Stiles' jeep. Stiles shot him a doubtful look. "You can't seriously think you can unload all these groceries in one trip."
"Of course I can," Derek said. He began looping the plastic bags of groceries through his arms. "It's not like they're heavy."
"There's some fragile stuff in there. If you drop one of the bags because they rip, it's gonna break."
"Stiles, I got this. Just close the trunk for me."
Derek successfully held every single grocery bag in his arms and shot Stiles a triumphant look as the other shut and locked the car.
"Told you it would be easy."
"Yes, very impressive. Is there nothing your werewolf strength can't do?" Stiles teased. He looked back and paused. It was the type of pause that Derek had come to learn meant that Stiles just had an impulsive thought. And the mischievous glint in his eyes could only mean trouble.
"Stiles, don't you dar--"
"Derek, come catch me!" he called back with a smirk before running off like some small prey animal leaving his back completely vulnerable and absolutely egging Derek's wolf into a chase. It took every ounce of self-control for Derek not to drop all the groceries he had and pursue Stiles.
"Little shit," Derek cursed under his breath as he quickly stalked after him with groceries still in hand. If Stiles was going to insist on running from him, Derek was going to make damn sure Stiles wouldn't physically be able to for at least a few nights.
...
After the fifth time, Stiles had mostly learned his lesson. Or at least, he learned to be more strategic about when he goaded Derek into chasing him. If he was being honest, Stiles found it pretty hot when Derek would chase after him and toss him into bed. But he knew, it was best to leave the chasing in more private places, so he tried his best to not go running off when they were in public. Emphasis on tried. He would usually catch himself, but sometimes when his mind was running in a million different directions he found himself doing the same. Just like he was today.
"Oh, I almost forgot!" Stiles began to turn away, but was completely derailed from his thoughts when Derek started sprinting in the opposite direction.
"Derek!?" he called out exasperatedly. He hurried after his retreating form. "Where the hell are you going?"
Stiles knew it would be impossible to catch up if Derek was seriously running, but Derek was quickly folding over in a fit of laughter when Stiles jogged up to him.
Between gasps of breaths he asked, "What the hell?" He backhanded Derek's shoulder which was still shaking in laughter. "Why are you laughing?"
Derek straightened as he collected himself. "I'm sorry. It's just-- I recently learned that if your dog is ever running away from you, you shouldn't chase them. You should run in the opposite direction and they'll start chasing you." He wrapped his arms around Stiles. "Looks like it worked."
"Derek!" Stiles flushed as he tried to wriggle out of Derek's grip but to no avail. He gave up and let himself sink into the embrace. "I'm not your dog."
"Yeah, yeah. It just felt nice to be chased for once."
"If you like running so much, maybe I can get you a ball and we can play fetch sometime."
"Really, Stiles? Dog jokes?"
"You started it," Stile quipped back grinning.
Derek bent down and buried his face in the crook of Stiles' neck. "I'd keep you on a leash if I could, but I guess I'll just have to settle for keeping you in my arms."
"You're such a sap. And you don't need to keep me on a leash." Stiles shifted so he could cup Derek's face in his hands. "I might run away, but I got amazing recall."
He kissed Derek.
"I'll always come back."
when derek warns stiles not to run because he won’t be able to hold back his wolf’s instinct to chase after him… and it happens almost everyday too. due to stiles’ adhd, when he can think of something he HAS to do it immediately. like when they’re out for grocery shopping stiles would be like OH I FORGOT ABOUT ICE CREAM BRB and then start running like a small animal. which can confuse derek’s wolf who thinks his mate is playing with them and wants to be chased and we need to run after him right NOW
#i can't help it. if i sees a good sterek writing prompt then i must write. i don't make the rules#if you happened to follow me bc i wrote a sterek fic one (1) time then rejoice bc i made another one#sterek#mine
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hey andy, congrats on your one year :) i’d like to order a cappuccino with cold foam for jack hughes please! i’d love if you could write sexting or phone sex while he is recovering from surgery in michigan and his gf is in jersey! thank you <3
i did something new on this one! it's meant to be read like a text thread. jack's messages are in italics and the reader's are in bold AND italics. enjoy!!
You up?
ofc. how did the surgery go?
Good. I’m back at the hotel
what time is it there?
Almost 9.
what else did you do today?
Watched the boys play the Stars. Lukie had 2 assists
that’s so awesome!! i’m sorry you missed it j i know you wanted to be there
I don’t really want to think about it.
i get that. did you get room service again this time
Haha I did actually
My season’s over so I went crazy and got the Ranch Wagyu Burger
It was really good
omg that sounds yum
what did it have on it
Normal burger toppings with a chipotle aioli
jack that sounds sooo good
can you bring me one when you get back to jersey?
Idk if it travels well but I’ll try
Why are you up so late?
i was polishing up a report due tomorrow and lost track of time
now you’re texting me soooo
You don’t have to stay up just for me
j. i missed you today. ofc i’m staying up to talk to you.
I’m sorry I have to be away for longer
I wish I was in NJ with you
it’s not your fault, babe. injuries happen. i want you to be healthy
i wish you were here too but i can wait
i’m excited to play nurse when you get back
That sounds nice
Should we get you an outfit?
Sexy nurse
i’m one step ahead of you
[image sent: sexy nurse outfit from amazon, complete with stockings and hat]
You’re kidding
Put it on
lmao ok j one sec
[image sent: a mirror picture of you, wearing the sexy nurse outfit. the dress is sheer enough that jack can see your white panties through it.]
Holy shit
You look fucking good baby
i thought you’d like it
Like it? Y/N I’m hard just looking at you
I’ll die if I see you wear that at home
noooo you can’t die on my watch
save that for luke’s shift
No way Luke is going to take care of me
Not when you look like that
[image sent: a mirror picture showing the back side of your outfit. you’re slightly bent over so jack can see your ass cheeks and panties.]
Baby…
need to take your blood pressure after that pic huh
Want you to sit on my cock wearing that
now that doesn’t feel very professional :(
That dress isn’t professional
Tit pic?
omg.
[image sent: you, kneeling in front of the full length mirror with your boobs on display, like you’re about to crawl towards him]
[minutes later] are you there?
Sorry
You look so good
Can’t type at the same time
I only have one hand
ohhh i get it
fucking your fist to your pretty nurse huh
imagining it’s my tits? or my cunt? which one do you want j
Both
tits first i think
you can come all over them and clean me up with your tongue while you fuck me
gonna pull your hair while you do it
i should probably ride you
i’ll come on your cock and clean you up with my mouth too
Yes I want that
i bet you do
lick all my cum off your cock and moan bc it tastes so good
should sit on your face and ride your tongue
Want you to finger yourself
now?
Yeah
whatever makes my patient feel better
[video sent: you, still kneeling in front of the mirror, licking your middle two fingers and trailing them down to your core. you pull your panties to the side and slip your fingers inside, whimpering audibly.]
Fuck
[video received: jack’s lower half, filmed from a different angle. his phone must be resting against the lamp on his bedside table. one of his arms is slinged, but the other is flying over his cock, hips jumping into the tight grip. a choked groan, then a shaky moan leaves him just before white strips spurt from his tip and drip down his knuckles. jack’s hand slows and he milks his length, rubbing the tip of his finger over his slit to clear it of any lingering cum. “Fuck,” he whispers, wiping his hand on the sheets before grabbing his phone and giving you a closeup of his softening cock, laying across his hips. you get a good view of his thighs and stomach, spotted with his delectable white seed.]
[outgoing facetime call with jack – 11:24pm]
#1 year of puck-luck!#andy writes anything🍄#jack hughes#jack hughes imagine#jack hughes fanfiction#jack hughes smut#jack hughes x reader#jack hughes blurb#jh blurb#jh86#nhl smut#nhl x reader
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oh oh oh or maybe you know he's left behind in a lot of things in onyx storm like hes not part of quest squad maybe or he's being dumped with the idea of being the next duke but something comforting ? or something cute and fluffy please!!
team bodhi
pairing: bodhi durran x fem!reader
genre: fluff
synopsis: Bodhi Durran can endure many things his cousin makes him endure. Being the next Duke is where he draws the line. He’s not the type of person to put himself in the spotlight, especially when that spotlight meant ignoring every piece of training he’s received throughout his childhood. He can’t help but blow up in Xaden’s face, before retreating to his solace—you.
warnings: cursing, angst at the beginning, reader is lowkey not specified
w/c: 1.5k
a/n: chat i got sick </3
ྀིbodhi durran masterlist
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There’s only so much Bodhi Durran can handle in his lifetime.
Watch his parents burn when he was sixteen? Sure. Be sentenced to endure the riders quadrant in exchange for his life? He was going to go there anyways. Become his older cousins shadow, and basically be a nobody to practically everyone? Check. Not be apart of “quest squad”? He knew Garrick had to be there.
But this? This is the cherry on top.
“Fuck that,” Bodhi seethes, glaring at his cousin.
Out of all the things he was expecting Xaden to tell him when he was called to his room, he was not expecting to be told that he has to prepare to be the next duke. It was a stupid idea, really. Bodhi? The Seventeenth Duke of Tyrrendor? What a joke, Bodhi thought.
“Bodhi, listen to me,” Xaden’s voice is cold as it always is, though Bodhi has become accustomed to it. Instead of it striking fear as it does for others, it’s comforting to Bodhi. Surely, people would think he’s weird for feeling that, but it must be because they’re family. “She has to stay with us when I don’t make it.”
“If you don’t make it,” Bodhi corrects, ignoring the obvious fact that Xaden is now an Initiate. Bodhi refused to believe that Xaden would fully turn, he’s the strongest person to ever walk the Continent. If there’s any person who can overcome being venin, it’s Xaden fucking Riorson.
Xaden rolls his eyes, “fine, if I don’t make it. But the point still stands, we only just got Tyrrendor back, we can’t lose it.”
“And you’re relying on me to make sure that doesn’t happen?” Bodhi raises a brow, already fed up with his cousin.
Memories of his childhood flood to the forefront of his mind, specifically of all the trainings he had with his father. If there’s one thing his father engraved in his mind—it’s that Xaden is meant to rule the province, just like he was taught, while Bodhi is his right-hand. He loved his father too much to throw all of his hard work away.
“You and I both know that I don’t know the first thing on politics, or how to lead a province.”
“That’s why I would train you,” Xaden points out.
“No,” Bodhi’s voice is firm and steady, “you were taught our entire childhood on how to be the next Duke. I was taught how to be your right-hand man. That is how it’s been planned since birth, and it’ll be that way until death. Get your shit together and be the leader you were taught to be.”
Bodhi doesn’t give Xaden a chance to retort, he’s already spinning on his heel, storming to his room. He knows Xaden or his shadows aren’t following him, he’s become too accustomed to the feeling of them and knowing when they are nearby. No, Xaden knows his younger cousin needs space to cool off, so he backs off. For now.
Bodhi swings his door open, kicking it behind him as he begins pacing the length of his room. It’s a nice upgrade to his room in Basgiath, but everyone knows it’s only because of his blood. Your figure sitting on the edge of the bed you two shared every night goes unnoticed by him, your worried eyes carefully following his frame.
“Bodhi?” You gently ask, your voice alone enough to make him stop.
He stops in place, facing you, though his eyes are distant. With his hands on his hips, you notice the way he still fidgets in place, an indication something was wrong. You knew your boyfriend that well.
“What’s wrong?” You follow up, watching as he sits next to you on the bed. He’s no longer looking at you, his head hanging as his gaze stays glued to the carpet. His arms rest against his thighs, while his hands grip his knees.
“Xaden wants to train me,” he mutters out, though his words lack context for you to understand what is upsetting him.
“Train you in what?” You scoot an inch closer to your boyfriend, your shoulder brushing his.
“If he fully turns, he wants me to be Duke,” he spits out, venom lacing his words.
Your own eyes widened, shocked Xaden would ever take that route. In all honesty, you thought he would find a way to marry Sorrengail and have her be Duchess in his absence. If there’s one thing you knew, it was that Bodhi would never willingly accept being Duke. It’s not because of his body language from right next to you, it’s from years of knowing him. He’s always been Xaden’s shadow, he’d never willingly go into the spotlight. You never thought he’d willingly get into a relationship before his older cousin, but here you two were.
“That’s absurd,” you finally speak, noticing the way Bodhi ever-so-slightly loosens. “If anything, it should be Violet.”
“What makes him think I have what it takes to be Duke?” Bodhi questions, appalled at the absurdity of the situation.
“I don’t know,” you mumble, placing your hand on his relic-clad forearm, “maybe because you have the looks for it.”
He scoffs, a chuckle following soon after, “can you go five minutes without flirting with me?”
You giggle, “you know I can’t help it. But in all seriousness, you did do a good job handling the Assembly while he was on the Isles.”
“Now I wish I hadn’t,” he mumbles, shaking his head.
“Hey,” you turn your body to face him, pressing yourself closer to him. “Don’t say that. You did what you felt was right for your province. Blame Xaden for thinking he’s weak.”
He chuckles, “that’s what I told him. He didn’t seem too happy about it.”
You raise a brow, “what’d he say?”
He shrugs, “I walked away.”
You shake your head, giggling, “you’re ridiculous.”
His head snaps up, finally looking at you. He feigns shock, quickly tackling you on the bed and tickling your sides. Your laughs fill the room, quickly easing away the tension that lingered from Bodhi. He swings one of his legs around your hips, keeping you in place as he continues his torturous ministrations.
“Stop—“ you giggle, tears forming in your eyes from how hard you’re laughing.
He relents, slowing down his fingers before stilling completely. His hands go from your sides to wrapping around your waist, laying his entire body weight on top of you. You sigh out in content, welcoming his embrace as you wrap your arms around his body. One hand tangles in his soft curls, messing around with the strands as he nuzzles closer to your neck. The other trails up and down his spine, your touch almost featherlight.
“Thank you,” he mumbles into the skin of your neck, lightly tickling you in the process.
“For what?” You question, still slightly out of breath from your intense tickle battle.
He hesitates for a moment, maybe to find his words or maybe because he didn’t want to tell you just yet. “For always being on my side.”
Your heart warms at his words, and you have the sudden urge to kiss him. The hand that’s been caressing his spine finds it’s way to his jaw, pulling his face out of your neck to face you.
“I’ll always be on your side,” you confess, smiling at him.
A smile finds it’s way to his face, tugging the corners of his lips up as his eyes crinkle. With a hand still on his jaw, you slightly pull him towards you until your lips touch. You both smile into the kiss, before you tilt your head in an effort to deepen the kiss. Bodhi pushes his lips against yours harder, pushing you even further into the pillows. When he pulls away, his lips are swollen and he’s demanding air. You mimic his actions, though a lazy smile is still plastered on your face.
Bodhi rests his forehead against yours, breathing in your scent, “can we stay like this forever?”
“I wish,” you mumble, closing your eyes.
Bodhi finds himself nuzzling his head into your neck again, placing a gentle kiss on your beauty mark before resting his head completely. Your hands resume their original positions, continuing their ministrations on his back and hair, slowly lulling him to sleep. Bodhi’s hands sneak under your shirt, rubbing his calloused thumbs back and forth on your skin before those ministrations slow, an indication he’s almost asleep.
“I love you,” Bodhi sleepily whispers into your neck, loud enough for you to hear.
A smile stretches onto your face, one that makes you look and feel giddy. Bodhi makes you feel giddy. “I love you too.”
In these four walls, Bodhi can be himself with nothing weighing onto him. No war, no venin, and most certainly no need to have to be the backup Duke.
𓇢𓆸
#laurs⁴⁴⁴ fics#bodhi durran#bodhi fourth wing#bodhi durran x reader#bodhi x reader#bodhi durran x you#bodhi x you#bodhi durran x y/n#bodhi x y/n#bodhi durran fluff#fourth wing#iron flame#onyx storm#the empyrean#rebecca yarros
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Chapter 266
Im going to say this out of the gate: I totally fucking forgot this chapter happens lmao. It's been so long since I read this part of the novel that the whole spanking bit hit me like a truck going 55 in a school zone...
First off, lets start off with the obligatory simping:
GOD I LOVE WOMEN HOLY FUCKING SHIT I WANT HER TO HOLD ME LIKE THAT HOOOOOOOO BOY. I'm so fucking in love with her holy goddamn shit. She's so damn cool and strong and I feel like she'd make the best goddamn pancakes.
Anywho...
Absolute funniest part of this chapter has to be, as I would describe as; "Get Scuffed Idiot"
He legit weighs as much as a cat to her and I think that's so fucking funny. Girly really went "This man is a wild animal so I must treat him as such" and she's right.
Of course, we cant have a chapter with out inflicting Yoo Joonghyuk with emotional damage, and of course he tries to run away from his problems to much failure.
He's so cute when he's tied up
And WOW did I forget this scene existed. Holy shit did the artist not have to go this hard with showing him get his literal ass beat (not that I'm complaining). Really gives me some great ideas for fic nonsense but that's for another time.
And Yoo Joonghyuk, darling, why are you thinking about Dokja while you're getting you ass smacked? Is there something you'd like to tell us????
My god he's so fucking hot. I'd never say this about real men but holy smokes did they not have to write him looking so fucking good while being pounded (literally!). I swear to god this frame justifies my entire head cannon that YJH acts tough and mighty but in reality he does not wear the pants in any relationships. Motherfucker looks like he's straight out of an erotica with that goddamn waist curve goddamn.
All in all this chapter hits like a truck and I'm so happy to have it in my ever growing arsenal of "situations I can put YJH in for fan fictions", new addition: spanking!
Not a lot of lore going on in this chapter other than the look into the 2nd turn during the first few panels, but that was already pretty well established last chapter so I didn't feel the need to go over it again here. I do love that we keep getting hints that Jang Hayoung is indeed a female (since Namgung Minyoung directly says that "this one is my type") but Dokja is just a fucking idiot. I do like that this is subtle though, since readers who haven't read the novel wont really understand why it's so important that she's a female until a bit later. I'm really looking forward to this entire arc since it starts to develop YJH and KDJ a bit better while they're apart from the rest of the company, and it starts the deep dive we'll get into later about the sheer amount of emotional trauma YJH carries with him (which will later be expanded on in the 1864 arc in 2 arcs from now).
#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint#yoo joonghyuk#kim dokja#spoilers#orv webtoon#this one is a bit spicy ngl#shipping#god I love women#orv novel#orv novel spoilers#well kind of
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imagine you’re ned. your son and heir is nearly marriageable age and your family is down to one (1) slender branch. your eldest daughter is also a major catch and nearing an age when a betrothal might be arranged. you’ve also got a bastard son whose future urgently needs to be decided, and three younger children whose futures must be considered too. you are severely traumatized by everything that went down during robert’s rebellion, and while it’s the long summer, winter is coming. what plans do you make for your children?
i think the key thing here to understand is that ned wants to BURY this secret. that’s his MAIN priority. so personally if i’m ned, i don’t want any of my kids in the capital. rip to robert but if i was ned trying to avoid the capital, i would have made sure those kids were promised before he came calling. probably also, the best place for jon IS the wall comma but we know ned did sort of want robb & jon to continue being close and EYE think it’s mean to banish a child to the wall SO!
i’m going to apologize without apologizing to catelyn about being so hostile about the wylla of it all*** and signaling that i will be less hostile to anything she has to say regarding her feelings towards jon or wylla from this point forward.
im sitting the oldest three down and telling them You Aren’t Grown But You’re Not A Baby. i am expecting more from you but also, i didn’t know shit when i became lord, its fine if you don’t know, that’s why you have all these advisors. i’m emphasizing family togetherness here.
also im telling catelyn to have a talk with sansa about like, Being A Woman; like a for real one where she’s Serious to Sansa about the actual reality of it (bc it does seem like they don't ever....genuinely prepare Sansa which is crazy bc Catelyn seems from her own memories plenty prepared for her move & marriage)
idk that Ned notices the catelyn-arya issue as an issue. i think he sees this as very typical exasperated mom-unruly daughter thing. however, if he’s paying more attention to them bc he is being possessed by the spirit of bisexual asshole from chicago, i think the fact that sansa & arya argue all the time is p obvious, so i Do think id sit them down & be like “the hell is happening between you two” and i’m arriving much faster at “arya needs an outlet” and letting her train with the boys/finding someone who will train her. if catelyn is like “this will not help her behavior” my argument is nothing else has why can’t we try something new + i mean cat if YOU want to learn how to use a sword, i can get someone to train you too. maybe you would feel better if you got to beat the shit out of something once a day idk. i can put some padding on theon if you want and you can just go hog wild. something something the north is hard.
then i am engaging sansa POST HASTE. even one Second of thinking would tell you that robert was gonna want to engage joffrey to sansa, they are Very close in age!!! so im simply beating him to the punch PUBLICLY
but not like too publicly, i dont want robert to know im husband hunting until its too late
who do i engage her to? i mean that’s tricky bc catelyn is going to have opinions & imo if they’re too Weird of a choice, robert is going to send a raven like “hey just call that off i got joff right here.” probably the only non northern house that Doesn’t get robert’s attention in a negative way is the blackwoods, with brynden being around sansa’s age and heir.
but really staying in the north is key - you’re probably guaranteed an immediate yes and i think ned could absolutely pull the “my whole family is dead robert, let me keep my kids in the north” card. does this argument work? honestly, no idea but i think it doesn’t hurt to announce it first and if necessary ask for forgiveness afterwards.
esp bc as you say, they’re down to One (1) branch. i do think ned can and Would lean heavily on guilting the hell out of robert IF after he announces the engagement robert is like “what the fuck”
(if robert asks about arya, well first of all i’m making the same argument, second of all, i will have prepared for that and had a betrothal for her too that i can’t possibly break.)
but we’re threading a thin needle here when it comes to all these engagements being Good but not Suspicious. the girls are tricky are on their own but jon is a whole can of worms. i dont need to get jon engaged any time soon - men get married later often anyway, and if i give him a nice match, catelyn is going to have a heart attack. but i think ned would just fully commit to Giving Jon A Place At Winterfell if he gets to make the choice before robert comes (is sending him to the wall easier? probably, but so was sending him with howland so). to tell jon “you will be to robb what i would have been to brandon, what i wish i would have had.”
i think id just like, foster jon somewhere. and not in a “im sending you away” way, i would once again compare him to myself, since ned also got fostered, and i'd ask for jon's input to make it clear this isn't a punishment for Existing As A Bastard. two ways to do this. either i get the boys together (EYE Rani VisenyasHill would also bring sansa in but i do Not think that would occur to ned) and say “what are your opinions on which of our vassals we should foster a stronger bond with by sending them jon for a few years?” OR im going “and i know just who to send you to - my good friends HOWLAND REED” whatever causes ned less anxiety. robb gets to escort jon there (do i go with?? idk, worried that would make Robert look at me too much) and stay for a bit (brandon seemed to travel a lot, i think ned should encourage the same with robb. get these kids out of the fucking house ned!!). might send robb out on a lil tour just so people don’t get jealous idk
Prepare for Winter. idk what this entails when you have years longs winters. are they hoping to get one more round of produce planted and grown? do they start consolidating in the same castles for warmth and safety in case of snow? do they flock to the southern north houses, like does white harbor get Super packed during winter? i would assume white harbor gets kind of important as the only major port city but how far out does the ocean freeze?
anyways i think i’d float the idea of fostering bran out to white harbor, so he can become a knight and live in The Big City, with the aim of preparing him to start his own Stark cadet house. I'd focus on making it kind of Manderly-esque, in that the house is meant to be built around a city (maybe another port city?) and meant to culturally be a lil Southron-y.
i would ask jon & robb what they would prefer - jon living with bran (eventually) or jon returning to winterfell.
NOW ROBB'S MARRIAGE. okay, like, the thing is, i think it wouldn't hurt to continue fostering a sense of unity with the south by reaching out to a rich house who will give me a bride with a huge ass dowry that we can use to continue Preparing for Winter. but also. again it's about not pissing robert off. would he be upset if i said like, hey i'm engaging robb to margaery tyrell? maybe a myrcella match would make robert feel less jilted, especially since i am potentially sending jon off to foster elsewhere, so robert won't even have contact with the kid nor will myrcella until they're all grown up. but i do worry robert would get greedy, and also that this would be too much for ned's nerves.
not to be like, ned should be angling to be known as the Stark Who Cured Winter Starvation, but i do think Ned should have been really digging in and trying to make it easier to travel in the north. it gives him a great excuse to ignore robert, it regains some points with some of the lords in the north who seem to feel bitter about rickard & brandon's behavior, it cements his own legacy as A Lord Who Rose To The Occasion, A Lord Who Cared (which, imo, seems to be something Ned cares about - he is quite preoccupied with his reputation tbh!!), and it helps him get his house rebuilt.
tldr - foster jon somewhere in the north and let him feel like its his joint decision alongside robb (and sansa, maybe). get sansa & arya engaged BEFORE i even THINK about contacting robert for anything. send bran to foster at white harbor (not right away). Prepare For Winter (whatever that means). get robb a rich fiance so i can Prepare For Winter and be known as the stark who Prepared For The Winter. call me Ned the Prepared. Ned the Winter Killer.
all of this is so that by the time robert comes north after jon arryn has been off, i don't have to send sansa & arya down there, jon is already gone, and potentially I can say that myrcella can marry robb if robert gets pushy. also, this would allow me some semblance of control over the south if i have to go there - i've already started working on shit with wyman, mending fences through arya and sansa's engagements, and i have CRONIES to bring south. then i am immediately and i mean IMMEDIATELY going to fire the entire small council including renly, putting my own people in there, and telling stannis that if he doesn't get his ass to the capital right now i am accusing him of conspiring against the king and having him marched across the goddamn bay to answer for his behavior.
*** listen i can’t tell cat. this isn’t a debate about whether he should have it’s about If Ned Realized His Kids Would Grow Up One Day What Would He Do. if i want to keep jon around and fight marginally less with my wife about it, i think id just be up front about The Lie. that is to say, i'd apologize without apologizing (i dont think he’d would want to apologize when he’d do it again and i also think ned is too Like That to just lie to manipulate cat and say he’s sorry for how he’s approached it - and i do think we’re really stretching the limits of ned’s ability to lie here), and just tell her something about wylla. like, she was married & i completely fucked her life bc i was horny & sad and then i took her kid away from her and i’ve been really touchy about whether that was a good thing to do or not. something. say anything. fucking anything. just acknowledge he’s been a dick & also make her feel a little bad (he said that line about brandon, he’s not above a little guilt & low blows).
(the ashara story would work BETTER to get cat’s sympathy - like she KILLED HERSELF do you know what kind of yarn he could spin about that & his guilt keeping jon here bc of that!! but he’d never do that lol. tbh i’d also just bring up ashara - i would say that i reacted so negatively bc like, i murdered her brother and then she killed herself ��� that’s bad enough and now people are saying she had my BASTARD? that i ruined her life TWICE and then she killed herself?? of course i was pissed off people were gossiping about it, but i should have been nicer to cat about it. but anyways, ned would just never lie on ashara’s name, he had the wylla story in mind and that’s the one he went with. but,,,, he HAS a story. ned SAY THE STORY OUT LOUD.).
Does this fix everything in their marriage? Obviously not, i’m sure Cat is still going to push about Jon, but I think signaling that i'm going to be less hostile about this would bring Cat’s hostility down in turn.
#valyrianscrolls#ned stark#transdimensional void#canon divergent au#asks#eddard the assembler?#eddard the fortifier?
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it's so interesting that gideon opens his heart so quickly and completely and irrevocably to twig, while regarding mishka -- a parallel little sister/kid figure with some worrying hag magic attached, who also is in a situation similar to and has overlapping trauma with his own; they both have the scars of manacles around their wrists and are exploited for some inborn capacity other people want to make use of -- with such measured distanced distrust. and any reason you want to imagine there makes so much sense! it could be it's just too much like his own situation and he can't go there without getting into contact with things in himself he'd rather not feel or remember. might be instinctive flinch-away from still dealing with what happened to twig (and then jabberwock party wipe horror on top of that as a further attachment anxiety booster -- he didn't see kremy die since he's the first to go, but he sure gets to hear the story afterwards), and not wanting to risk that pain again so soon. twig meeting him at a moment where he was ready to let someone into his fiercely guarded in-group, and mishka didn't? just plain differences in personal chemistry (again... mishka is a lot like him in a lot of ways. perhaps. too much for comfort from some angles)?
if his trauma brain has decided that NO I've got kremy under one wing and twigsy under the other and sorry kid I only have two fucking wings, nothing is ever going to take this from me again while I'm alive to fight for it (the way they took my dad and my home and all those years of my life)... biggest FAIR ENOUGH GID! AS YOU WERE GID YOU DO YOU GID!! in history honestly even if it is a bit unfair to mishka
#once upon a witchlight#legends of avantris#once upon a witchlight spoilers#gideon coal#getting through the last few eps of s1 that I've been keeping as in case of emergency mood boosters awaiting s2#and this just stood out to me so clearly haha. kremy seems to have a little bit of a softer reaction to her but really MOST of them#have a very '....hmmmmmm😑what is your nefarious deal small child' vibe with her fhdsj. I guess it's natural to have some trust issues#considering the shit they're going through the last fifteen or so episodes I can't begrudge them that#can kremy look at her and NOT see some shade of gideon tho. the old lady trying to get her husband back sure woke something in him#I feel like this must too even tho being kremy he might not necessarily act on it in a way we'd consider like. helpful haha#I love the incredibly stark in-group out-group distinction that exists in gideon's world it's so fascinating#he's SO protective and deeply kind with the people he loves and a borderline monster with people he doesn't care about (most of them)#which means he's not only content but HAPPY to be kremy's attack dog b/c like. it's not like he cares what happens#to people he doesn't care about! check and mate happy gator husbandwife happy life. and yet he loves very sincerely when he does#which is presumably why he finds it so scary. all that and also the cake chad. a deceptively complex man#(kremy has a different hilarious in-group out-group thing going on in that his in-group seems to be literally just him and gid hfkashf#he'll do things because they matter to gideon but I think outside of the two of them there is no one but maybe the unicorns#that kremy would not sell to satan for one corn chip to save his own skin. I love you kremy you suck so bad you are my babygirl <3)
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on the one hand, syndicate’s resolution of jacob & evie’s overarching fight feels sort of rushed and unearned, but on the other hand, if i was in an argument with my sister and then some fucking guy tried to kill her in front of me, yeah, that might not solve all the reasons behind the argument but it would make me go ‘oh! right! i never want to live in a world without you!’ and stop us from fighting. so that bit’s actually quite realistic.
#assassin’s creed#the pieces for resolving the fight are all there it’s just that they’re sort of clumsily set up last minute and then poorly put together#and also henry is like. fully unconscious being ignored on the ground behind them. which sort of undercuts the emotional weight of the scene#but we all know what i think about that already <3 evie shoulda killed starrick to death with jacob and used his lifeforce to heal henry#via the shroud <3 that’s romance babyyyyy <3 but that didn’t happen and instead it’s just really bad but reslly funny that jacob and evie#resolve their issues while their friend and colleague’s lifesigns are fully uncomfirmed behind them#funniest part of it is that it is Absolutely in character for them to do that. idiot twins with zero idea of what’s happening outside of#their little bubble 90% of the time because they’re too busy bickering. poor henry.#i mean he knows that about them he’s been dealing with it for a year but i feel like he would probably prefer if at least one of them had#made sure he was alive before they made up. akdhkfjfs.#underrated moment of all time in that scene though *is* that when they check on him his first words aren’t like. ‘holy shit i almost just#died’ or anything but instead. asking if he fucked everything up by being there.#that is so sad to me. given everything we know about his whole deal and why he’s in london in the first place and just. everything.#that his first thought isn’t ‘wow! can’t believe i survived that!’ it’s ‘i must have messed up somehow and i shouldn’t have tried to help’#that’s so fucking sad!!!!! someone tell him he’s a good boy right now!!!!!!!!!!#me. i’ll do it. i’ll write a fic for it. watch me.
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why does every medical practitioner think they know more than you
#''but apnea number low so you are cured now ok? :)''#and when i said i have had this circadian rhythm disorder for as long as i can remember she said well children can have apnea :)#right that must be why my first test in college was negative#and why sleep deprivation has never caused me to naturally feel sleepy earlier like a normal cycle would#but nooo you're the expert bc you're a nurse practitioner who did like a seminar on circadian rhythm disorders once#i do like this woman i just get tired of this kinda shit#i am tempted to let my sleep schedule get fucked just to prove a point#it's been shifting forward much slower than usual bc i've got this melatonin optimization thing worked out better#and ofc she's like why are you doing that when you have the cpap?#enough abt the cpap. you're obsessed with the cpap#but i knew this would happen. once that test came back positive no one would ever believe me ever again that that's not the underlying issue#btw i still wake up tired and unrested and my ahi avg is below 1 and has been for months#almost liiiiike it's Something Else#but Low Number means Better!!!!!!!!#how can i retroactively prove that i did not have sleep apnea as a child lmaooo#sometimes. a positive test result. is Worse
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me on that next episode button when season 8 episode 16 ‘secrets and lies’ queues up
#erposting#never watching that shit again. the second hand embarrassment was crazy#weirdest episode. could be so good in theory but feels SO weird#tell me why for exactly one (1) episode they implement csa into carters lore and then never ever mention it again#and had his friends (and girlfriend???) laugh at him for it to boot. I HATE THAT SHIT#so deeply unfun to watch#and also his and lukas bizarre homoerotic sword duel would be fun. if it wasnt for the cringing#carters such an embarrassing loser the whole time i cant stand it#and the one time hes not am embarrassing loser its STILL miserable to watch. teehee molestation funny when its done to a man by a woman hehe#heehee its 2002 teehee its so funny#lets have the character it happened to be visibly upset abt what happened to him and imply he knows its wrong#and then have every other character laugh and no indication that laughing is a dick move#im not one of those people thats like. ‘Anything bad in media must be explicitly denounced’#but its so fucking WEIRD. why are none of these good people who r his friends and colleges taking csa seriously#character assassination for real
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Another Grant headcanon:
I think he wrote love notes when in relationships, and he went all out with like making the paper scented and stuff. But like he had no good perfume so he ended up using his horrible body spray. So like the lucky boyfriend would like find a paper reeking of the body spray like every once in a while.
Also I think he was someone who fell deep into romance because having a crush and feeling butterflies in his stomach was better than numbness. So he would pursue every crush even if he knew it would not end well because of the thrill of it. I think this sucked but I think he atleast felt like this is a normal way for life to suck.
#honestly I was thinking he continued the note thing with marco in college maybe?#and now marco likes the smell of the body spray even if grant found better perfumes cuz nostalgia#i think i am in my own la dee da world after this episode#where I think if willy takes a break from torturing the parents they should form a circle and become bffs#they should form a circle#toast to rebecca#and then just talk shit idk#i think they would be very funny as a group after they are done grieving#like cassandra would be like how could I have dated such a loser#he literally kidnapped like four of my exs ex friends and put collars on them when we were dating#and they would be like no its not your fault he is that manipulative#and then one of them would talk about their ex to comfort her#and then somwhow it would come out that willy is like the age of their grandparents#and cassandra would be like why did this senior citizen get me so bad#he told me to make him a sandwich and I#a multimillionaire made him a sndwich#this will probably never happen in canon#dndads#grant wilson#dungeons and daddies#the tags are their own seperate post at this point#dndads s2#all the spouses knew willy as a nice guy who saved them#rebecca was the only one who suspected him so thats why he killed her#they must be feeling so duped getting tortured except for marco who saw him kill a man#cassandra has been feeling duped since heaven#this is killing me all of them are having conversations in my head now the comedy and the pain is killing me mostly the comedy#marco li wilson#grant li wilson#anu posts
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i just caught up with the latest chapters and like. those dudes definitely made out right? like that's not even subtext? like horikoshi fully said one and two absolutely went hog wild upon each other like. in the text, right??????? I have other, more cool and normal thoughts, but what is really important to me right now is that. those dudes definitely canonically got nasty. right???????????????????
#other things to note: oh my god afo absolutely gave shigaraki his brothers hand. unbelievable#also: what happened with hawks? did he fully get absorbed into afo? why was he all the way in there like that. did i miss something#bnha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#but really like what the fuck is this story about. all might starts off like yeah you gotta swallow my dna#NOT lets do some sort of. blood oath where we manfully exchange bodily fluids#thats soooo specific#like heroes rising? they touched bloody hands but this is NOT a syphilis situation this is a#katsuki had to have stuck his nasty little fingers in his mouth before they could start the fight. which is SO funny to imagine#and then im back to yoichi and how he must have given away his quirk the first time like#like. doesnt it sound like kudou was like i feel weird. better get a pregnancy test about it#right? right? am i insane here?#bruce says hm. youve got some weird little unformed thing in there#kudou replies: hm. its just as i expected. i knew ever since the time we made love under the moon something about me was different#right?#ugh a lifetime of trying not to read to much into shonen shit im truly like. grappling with this#they fucking. fucked. right?!!!????!!!
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thinking really hard about logging into my old tumblr acc after being gone for like a year and a half cause i stumbled upon a post that led me to my old mutuals and i teared up a lil </3 but also i feel so ashamed i left without saying a word to anyone aaaa
#like i genuinely feel so bad for simply disappearing from people's lives :c#i used to talk to some of them daily and like even had plans to see one of them on holiday to another country?? like that level of close#and then well my mental health went to shit i took a semester off uni and disappeared from my irl friends' lives too for a good 6 months#some of my mutuals had my ig and we followed each other but i also haven't really been there much since dissappearing last year so#but i just snooped into some of their accounts and seeeing what they're up to made me want to talk to them sooo bad#everyone was so cool and kind and i miss them so much it's just i feel so guilty and also don't even know if i'm able to mantain constant#contact and conversations with people now. like it's been even hard for me to stay in touch with my irl friends aaa#why must my brain hate me so much and not let me socialize !! i used to be such an extroverted person what the fuck happened!!#i know some of them messaged me worried and i felt so guilty for not responding but i saw those dms when i was very much deppressed#so i never answered and now i feel like it's too late GOD!!#anyways at least it was nice snooping and seeing how they're doing i genuinely wish them only good things they're fucking great#maybe i just need to suck it up and just go back and talk to people again but i get so overwhelmed just thinking about it!!#okay it's like 4 am i'm posting this and maybe deleting it in the morning sorry for the rant i just am feeling a lot !!
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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i think it would be funny if for the theatre reveal it’s just an ABSURDLY long bit where a small rock containing theatre’s “true name” is rolling around on the ship and everyone is failing miserably to catch it. nobody ever fucking grabs the rock but to save them some time i do allow for the players to See what is written on it but as soon as its said whats written on it i disband the party and this all happens on april fools so nobody believes me
#i know we’re past april but fuck it. june first#i dont know why but the reveal has me VERY VERY NERVOUS#must be because of the. ahem. current status of peoples feelings towards theatre :) dies inside#i know im a fiction doesnt affect reality kinda guy#i know i display and say values that some freaks (antis) say are deplorable and delusional#and by that i mean i respect the balance between Characters and Real People#it still internally. irks me? i guess#probably just because i see myself in both theatre AND the person i fear him being shipped with the most#and because i have someone in my life who. with me. displays Their Relationship#like. theatre’s dynamic with this character is Based Loosely Off Of me and that other person’s dynamic#VERY LOOSELY i want to make very clear. but its There#idk man im ramblin.#anyways im really like. im gonna Respect if people ship them now and even after#i like. literally cant do shit about that#nor is it really my place to#i just have to accept that its gonna happen. especially as the ‘fandom’ grows#idk man being raised with an ‘anti’ mindset really fucked with my Normal Media Consumption and Appreciation#i dont like to throw around the terms but its the best i got rn#ANYWAYS ANYWAYS theatre’s reveal is going to be. fauckin insane#both the reveal itself and the reactions to it.#so…. wish me luck cause i’m doing it next rp i host. this shit is Happening.
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Being in a long distance relationship long term is so fucked up. For context for people in bigger countries I'm not talking flying distance from each other, I'm talking about 3 hrs apart on the train, so not that far arguably. But still far enough that our lives are almost completely separate in the practical sense, no matter how much we talk on the phone or meet halfway. When one of us stays over at the other's place we are still guests in each other's homes. I still don't know what cohabiting would be like and what a comfortable normalicy of being in each other's lives in person every day would be like. We're coming up to our 11th anniversary. I don't want to break up with him!!!! I love him deeply and I've never met someone I'm as compatible with as him. I've never been in love like this and I'm not easy to know, and yet he does know me and likes what he sees. I just feel I am stuck and I am frustrated that my sex life is like once every 3 months. I still don't even know how often we would have sex if we lived together, we haven't had the chance to find that rhythm. When we see each other there's no time to do any more involved stuff it's just getting off. Basically everytthing we've talked about has to stay in the realm of fantasy because there's never any fucking time.
I am trying I said to him- you need to do covering letters and things, you can't just send your CV that has never worked. He's the one who wants out of his current job, and out of his town, but applying for jobs is so fucking hard when you're working full time and trying to do things you love to not get fucking depressed. See I understand those things because I would feel the same way. If he moved here we could find a place together and I could find it out if I actually can live with someone else and stay mentally well. I'm getting too dependent on living alone in order to stay mentally well and it worries me.
Sorry to vent. I'm not looking for advice it's just venting.
#yeah it's embarrassing for a 34 yr old to go on about soul mates but i realy believe we are#i wouldn't be in this situation if we weren't really for real great together because i'm old enough to do right by myself#i can wait and in understand it's hard for someone neurodivergent to make big changes#it would be hard for someone neurotypical! so it must be even worse for him and it's so easy for him to get overwhelmed and crash emotional#as you can see from my rambles i have my baggage too like massive baggage#i worry though because he came to stay like 3 weeks ago for a few days and i was wound up and uncomfortable having a guest#even though it was him- i was hormonal so that could have been it but it's fucking scary#because you just think 'i wish i was alone in my own home right now doing my comfortable routine'#i'm stressing about washing extra dishes but my ocd requires that i'm always the one to wash them#i just want ot not be bothered and yet i feel like shit because i have no idea if it's always going to be like this or just a bad few days!#even though we have fun when we go out and stuff#the living together thing is really stressing me and i only have the last time it happened 3 months ago which i can barely remember#as reference for how i normally feel when he's here#ooooooof :(#fyi he doesn't want to do polyamory as is his right- it's not for everyone#and he has much more to lose in the dating/casual sex area than i would if i did it but i won't go into why
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dragon republic is making me want to pull my hair out
#SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! btw (just in case)#(i'm trying to make sure nothing comes up before you press see all)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))#i'm around 70% into the book#nezha must feel like shit omg#bro watched his only friends fall off a waterfall#and rin's last words to him were do something!! ffffffffffff#bro why the hell did that npc chaghan's cousin just instigate what could be a whole other unneccessary war#'oh no i killed my mom and my cousin let's blame you 🥶' i want to punch you#pls chaghan get back there before him#also kitay is such a good friend#i can't believe he practically gave up his soul for rin#rin and kitay are like the closest siblings it makes me happy she has someone like him by her side after so long#also i need more nezha lore pls 🙇♀️#OKAY HELP I SEARCHED NEZHA AND IT'S USING PAST TENSE NOOO#WHAT DO YOU MEAN WAS????? WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM????#don't die a third time please
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