#me: *feels like shit* 'why must this happen' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

baileyyplaysthesims · 23 hours ago

Text

I think this post was one of the reasons I was like maaaybe we might ditch some of the Sims 2 lore in my Lore Legacy save. I was debating on doing the Burb family from Unleashed. I liked playing them same with the Hicks, Roomies, and the Charmings. I decided not to for the three of them.

For one we already have the Roomies? If we don't I could do that; but I remember not playing them that much. I must of have ignored them like the Pleasant family. I never really read the little family stories when I was playing. I just jumped right into the household.

Only reason I did the Newbies and the Bachelor household again--because I feel like those households deserve redemption of some kind. I also, am in a bit of denial because whenever I played Bob and Betty always had a boy first in my games, then a girl. I never really had a chance to get Michael a family, because he was always a Bachelor in my game.

I feel like Sim 1 lore is something for us long time players had made up on our own. Then Sims 2 came out--with different lore, and Bella Goth missing from the Goth house. I think that is why I never played the Goth house at all in Sims 2.

With time gone on and me finding out more about the lore of Sims 2 and Bella Goth gone missing/murdered and whatever happened to Michael too. Is surprising to me. I mean it will depending how far I get into the research about it--will freak the fucking shit out of me. (In a good way, because I am aware of it; early on it gave me nightmares.)

Playing Sims 4 I fallen in love with the Landgraabs--and having them kicking out Johnny because he wanted to focus on his comedy. I found that out; word of mouth. I need to read what it says for lore for their information in Oasis Springs or ask them more and read what the pop up says. That is what Sims 4 is lacking lore.

I that is one of the main reason why I started up my Baileyy Lore Legacy save. To mix and match some of Sims 1, Sims 2, and Sims 4 lore together. Well, also my lore I remember creating as a kid to playing Sims 1 because it was basically your game--no one played it the same way. We had all our little various sims we created ourselves in there too.

As a Sims 2 player one of the most eerie things about playing the original game isn't necessarily the creepy/more liminal aesthetic or the repetitively endless gameplay, but the fact that almost all the pre-made Sims from the original game are inexorably doomed by the narrative.

There's something odd about Pleasantview specifically, where the majority of the returning Sim families live (save for Tara Kat, who seems... relatively fine). Like, the concept of the game is that twenty-five years have passed, and all of the returning characters are pre-baked into character arcs that communicate an unavoidable truth: You, the player, failed.

Bella Goth will disappear. Her brother (though in the original Sims we aren't aware that Michael Bachelor is her brother) will die, possibly murdered. Mortimer will be lost and alone. Cassandra will be stuck in an unloving engagement. The Newbie's daughter will be impoverished, a single mother whose husband died young, with two boys and another on the way. Daniel Pleasant will grow up to be a cheater. Jennifer Pleasant will never be an athlete like she wanted (her brother will). And though poor Johnny Burb never mentions Tucker anymore, you know that old dog died years ago. The Roomies, the Mashugas, the Hicks, the Charmings - all leave town... or worse, die out.

I think about Jeff Pleasant's bio in the first game: "Jeff and his family are new to the neighborhood. Can you help Jeff provide for his family and fulfill his lifelong goal of being the first man to walk on Mars?" And how it contrasts to Daniel's in the second: "Since his father Jeff died without achieving his dream of going to Mars, Daniel has felt an overwhelming guilt."

And sure, you can save the families of Pleasantview. You can choose for Mary-Sue to not go to work that day, or maybe Daniel never pursues Kaylynn Langerak again. You can give Cassandra a happy marriage, tame Don Lothario's womanizer ways. You can financially save Brandi Broke. You can get John Burb another dog. You can get Jennifer the career she always wanted. You can defy the scripted in-game prompts and say "No. I don't want to play like this." You can break the cycle, every time you play.

And yet, at the end of the day, no matter what you do... uninstalling the game and reinstalling it, maybe just deleting that Neighborhood folder, they are reset back to exactly where they were again. They're doomed to repeat it forever.

The game makes it clear that there are some things you aren't meant to change. A genie lamp or a Resurrect-O-Nomitron can bring back sims like Michael Bachelor, but you will pay for it in your neighborhood deteriorating to corruption. And no matter what you do, no force in the universe can bring Bella Goth back. The one in Strangetown isn't even really her, after all. And maybe she isn't. They say they deleted her in development, replaced her with a clone. Maybe that's what Bella Goth in Strangetown is. A clone. Maybe we were wrong, after all. Maybe she was never abducted by aliens. Maybe Don Lothario killed her. Maybe Dina Caliente killed her. Maybe Mortimer did. But you can't bring her back, no matter what you do. Recreate the original Bella, pixel by pixel, extract her data, make your zombie Bella. Build your own monster. Create a sim. But she will never recognize her family. Never see them as her own.

And she was never meant to.

#baileyy ramble about the sims #sims #the sims #sims 1 #the sims 1 #sims 2 #the sims 2 #sims 4 #the sims 4 #sims theories #baileyy lore legacy save #simblr #sims community #the sims community

1K notes · View notes

vaguely-concerned · 2 months ago

Text

it's so interesting that gideon opens his heart so quickly and completely and irrevocably to twig, while regarding mishka -- a parallel little sister/kid figure with some worrying hag magic attached, who also is in a situation similar to and has overlapping trauma with his own; they both have the scars of manacles around their wrists and are exploited for some inborn capacity other people want to make use of -- with such measured distanced distrust. and any reason you want to imagine there makes so much sense! it could be it's just too much like his own situation and he can't go there without getting into contact with things in himself he'd rather not feel or remember. might be instinctive flinch-away from still dealing with what happened to twig (and then jabberwock party wipe horror on top of that as a further attachment anxiety booster -- he didn't see kremy die since he's the first to go, but he sure gets to hear the story afterwards), and not wanting to risk that pain again so soon. twig meeting him at a moment where he was ready to let someone into his fiercely guarded in-group, and mishka didn't? just plain differences in personal chemistry (again... mishka is a lot like him in a lot of ways. perhaps. too much for comfort from some angles)?

if his trauma brain has decided that NO I've got kremy under one wing and twigsy under the other and sorry kid I only have two fucking wings, nothing is ever going to take this from me again while I'm alive to fight for it (the way they took my dad and my home and all those years of my life)... biggest FAIR ENOUGH GID! AS YOU WERE GID YOU DO YOU GID!! in history honestly even if it is a bit unfair to mishka

#once upon a witchlight #legends of avantris #once upon a witchlight spoilers #gideon coal #getting through the last few eps of s1 that I've been keeping as in case of emergency mood boosters awaiting s2 #and this just stood out to me so clearly haha. kremy seems to have a little bit of a softer reaction to her but really MOST of them #have a very '....hmmmmmm😑what is your nefarious deal small child' vibe with her fhdsj. I guess it's natural to have some trust issues #considering the shit they're going through the last fifteen or so episodes I can't begrudge them that #can kremy look at her and NOT see some shade of gideon tho. the old lady trying to get her husband back sure woke something in him #I feel like this must too even tho being kremy he might not necessarily act on it in a way we'd consider like. helpful haha #I love the incredibly stark in-group out-group distinction that exists in gideon's world it's so fascinating #he's SO protective and deeply kind with the people he loves and a borderline monster with people he doesn't care about (most of them)#which means he's not only content but HAPPY to be kremy's attack dog b/c like. it's not like he cares what happens #to people he doesn't care about! check and mate happy gator husbandwife happy life. and yet he loves very sincerely when he does #which is presumably why he finds it so scary. all that and also the cake chad. a deceptively complex man #(kremy has a different hilarious in-group out-group thing going on in that his in-group seems to be literally just him and gid hfkashf #he'll do things because they matter to gideon but I think outside of the two of them there is no one but maybe the unicorns #that kremy would not sell to satan for one corn chip to save his own skin. I love you kremy you suck so bad you are my babygirl <3)

18 notes · View notes

quietwingsinthesky · 2 months ago

Text

on the one hand, syndicate’s resolution of jacob & evie’s overarching fight feels sort of rushed and unearned, but on the other hand, if i was in an argument with my sister and then some fucking guy tried to kill her in front of me, yeah, that might not solve all the reasons behind the argument but it would make me go ‘oh! right! i never want to live in a world without you!’ and stop us from fighting. so that bit’s actually quite realistic.

#assassin’s creed #the pieces for resolving the fight are all there it’s just that they’re sort of clumsily set up last minute and then poorly put together #and also henry is like. fully unconscious being ignored on the ground behind them. which sort of undercuts the emotional weight of the scene #but we all know what i think about that already <3 evie shoulda killed starrick to death with jacob and used his lifeforce to heal henry #via the shroud <3 that’s romance babyyyyy <3 but that didn’t happen and instead it’s just really bad but reslly funny that jacob and evie #resolve their issues while their friend and colleague’s lifesigns are fully uncomfirmed behind them #funniest part of it is that it is Absolutely in character for them to do that. idiot twins with zero idea of what’s happening outside of #their little bubble 90% of the time because they’re too busy bickering. poor henry.#i mean he knows that about them he’s been dealing with it for a year but i feel like he would probably prefer if at least one of them had #made sure he was alive before they made up. akdhkfjfs.#underrated moment of all time in that scene though *is* that when they check on him his first words aren’t like. ‘holy shit i almost just #died’ or anything but instead. asking if he fucked everything up by being there.#that is so sad to me. given everything we know about his whole deal and why he’s in london in the first place and just. everything.#that his first thought isn’t ‘wow! can’t believe i survived that!’ it’s ‘i must have messed up somehow and i shouldn’t have tried to help’#that’s so fucking sad!!!!! someone tell him he’s a good boy right now!!!!!!!!!!#me. i’ll do it. i’ll write a fic for it. watch me.

10 notes · View notes

watermelinoe · 1 month ago

Text

why does every medical practitioner think they know more than you

#''but apnea number low so you are cured now ok? :)''#and when i said i have had this circadian rhythm disorder for as long as i can remember she said well children can have apnea :)#right that must be why my first test in college was negative #and why sleep deprivation has never caused me to naturally feel sleepy earlier like a normal cycle would #but nooo you're the expert bc you're a nurse practitioner who did like a seminar on circadian rhythm disorders once #i do like this woman i just get tired of this kinda shit #i am tempted to let my sleep schedule get fucked just to prove a point #it's been shifting forward much slower than usual bc i've got this melatonin optimization thing worked out better #and ofc she's like why are you doing that when you have the cpap?#enough abt the cpap. you're obsessed with the cpap #but i knew this would happen. once that test came back positive no one would ever believe me ever again that that's not the underlying issue #btw i still wake up tired and unrested and my ahi avg is below 1 and has been for months #almost liiiiike it's Something Else #but Low Number means Better!!!!!!!!#how can i retroactively prove that i did not have sleep apnea as a child lmaooo #sometimes. a positive test result. is Worse

12 notes · View notes

starry-eyed-stray · 3 days ago

Text

5 times Stiles runs from Derek + 1 time Derek runs from Stiles (sorry to hijack your post but the fic inspo was so real)

Stiles has run away from Derek many times. When they first met, it was mainly because Stiles didn't trust Derek and Derek didn't exactly give him a reason to. Later it was because Derek was saving Stiles' ass and telling him to scram.

But the first time Stiles ran away from him and Derek had to urge to chase had been an innocuous yet sudden feeling he had to immediately stamp down.

They were in the middle of a pack meeting. Somewhere along the way, Stiles went from the token human of Scott's pack to a valuable member of his pack. Derek hadn't actually verbalized this idea in his mind. But his wolf knew.

He was in the middle of a conversation with someone else when an exclamation caught his attention. He turned around and his eyes were immediately met with the unprotected back of Stiles Stilinski bolting out the front entrance of his loft. Derek's entire body braced to run after him. Muscles tense and his wolf howling to chase. The logical side of his brain was the only thing that kept him locked in place because what the fuck was that? The sudden urge had confused Derek, but the full moon was tomorrow so maybe his wolf was just extra excitable. He ignored the fact that it's been years since his wolf had acted like this purely because of a full moon.

The second time, him and Stiles had been alone together. They had become unlikely friends that would occasionally grab lunch together which was a welcome change to Derek's usual solitude.

They were walking back to the parking lot when Stiles whispered, "Oh shit, my wallet." And once again, Derek's eyes were met with the exposed back of Stiles running away from him. Before Derek even had time to process it, he began chasing. The sound of his pursuing footsteps prompted Stiles to look back and Derek caught a glimpse of wide brown eyes and a panicked expression before Stiles began running faster. Now Derek felt like pouncing--

But the rational part of Stiles' brain must have kicked in the same time Derek's did because they both abruptly stopped. Stiles swiveled to face him.

"Why are you chasing me?!" Stiles exclaimed. He was out of breath from the sudden sprint and was gesturing wildly at Derek.

"Why were you running?"

"I left my wallet at the restaurant!"

"Oh." Derek was noticing a pattern. The urge to chase never happened with the other pack members. Just Stiles. "Let's go get it then."

He nonchalantly walked past Stiles who was still fixing him with a bewildered expression.

...

"Stiles, we need to talk."

Nothing got the anxiety spiking like those few words. Stiles and Derek were alone in Derek's loft post-pack meeting. Stiles often found himself lingering and being the last to leave these days. But hearing those words and seeing the stern expression on Derek's face had him wishing to be anywhere but here. Derek was leaning on the counter of his kitchen island. His piercing hazel eyes pinning Stiles in place. He nervously fidgeted before mustering up the courage to get closer and join Derek in the kitchen.

"What's up?" He tried to sound more casual than he felt.

"Relax, Stiles, you're not in trouble," Derek said with a frown.

That didn't immediately alleviate the nervousness stirring in Stiles, but he nodded prompting Derek to continue.

Derek opened his mouth. And then immediately shut it. He pinched the bridge of his nose closing his eyes as if to gather himself. This only made Stiles even more anxious because if it was something Derek Hale of all people had a hard time saying it must have been something pretty serious.

Derek sighed and finally looked up at him. "Stiles, you need to stop running."

Stiles barely held back the sputtered sound of surprise that bubbled up from him. Of all the things he expected Derek to say, this definitely wasn't one of them. "What are you talking about? Being part of the pack kinda requires the cardio. You rather have me briskly walk away when I'm being chased by some supernatural evil?"

"That's not what I meant." Derek paused before sighing again. He crossed his arms. "I need you to stop running away from me."

Stiles' face scrunched up. "When have I ran away from you? I mean-- besides all those times I ran away from you, but that was like before. I mean now, or like recently, I don't think I've been running away? I mean if anything I've been hanging around you more which is like the opposite of runn--"

"Stiles."

Stiles took the hint and zipped his mouth closed so Derek could get a chance to respond.

"Remember that time I ran after you when you forgot your wallet?"

"Oh yeah!" Stiles put his hands on his hips. "What was up with that?"

"Whenever you suddenly run away from me, I get the urge to chase you."

"Oh."

Stiles face suddenly felt hot. He cleared his throat before responding. "Uhm, do you know why?"

"I'm still working it out."

Stiles turned the thought around in his heads a few times. He was uncharacteristically quiet when an impulsive thought seized him.

He turned around and started sprinting.

"Stiles!"

Stiles ignored Derek's deep growly voice that called after him and ran as fast as he could. He barely lasted half a second before a sudden weight crashed into his back and had him tumbling to the floor. He rolled once before finding himself pinned underneath Derek Hale.

"Stiles, what did I just say?" Derek hissed.

Stiles' heart was loudly drumming against his rib cage as he stared up at narrowed eyes and furrowed eyebrows. He wondered how red his face was right now because his whole body felt like it was burning up.

"Well, you finally caught me."

"What?"

"You don't chase something unless you're trying to catch it. You caught me. Now what?"

Derek stilled as he stared down at Stiles still pinned beneath him.

Now what?

That was the first of many nights Stiles would spend over at Derek's.

...

The fourth time was at a grocery store. Stiles was over Derek's place more often than not and so today he got to help with selecting what to stock in the fridge. They were idly chatting as they approached the cashier.

Derek began to unload their grocery haul onto the cashier's conveyor belt when Stiles exclaimed, "I forgot the ice cream!"

A flash of movement in his periphery had Derek's wolf eager to make chase. Instead he shouted, "STILES, DON'T RUN!"

Stiles stumbled almost tripping over himself. He stopped and turned around just enough to flash him a sheepish grin before setting out at a brisk walk.

Derek buried his face in his hands after giving a quick apology to the cashier for his outburst. The urge to chase had only gotten harder to push down now that he was officially dating Stiles. His wolf liked having a mate, and he desperately wanted to play and chase and do a few other things with Stiles that weren't exactly appropriate to do in public.

He shook his head. The sooner Stiles made it a habit to not go running off at every random thought in his head, the better.

Little did Derek know, that the fifth time would happen soon after.

They were staring at the piles of grocery bags in the trunk of Stiles' jeep. Stiles shot him a doubtful look. "You can't seriously think you can unload all these groceries in one trip."

"Of course I can," Derek said. He began looping the plastic bags of groceries through his arms. "It's not like they're heavy."

"There's some fragile stuff in there. If you drop one of the bags because they rip, it's gonna break."

"Stiles, I got this. Just close the trunk for me."

Derek successfully held every single grocery bag in his arms and shot Stiles a triumphant look as the other shut and locked the car.

"Told you it would be easy."

"Yes, very impressive. Is there nothing your werewolf strength can't do?" Stiles teased. He looked back and paused. It was the type of pause that Derek had come to learn meant that Stiles just had an impulsive thought. And the mischievous glint in his eyes could only mean trouble.

"Stiles, don't you dar--"

"Derek, come catch me!" he called back with a smirk before running off like some small prey animal leaving his back completely vulnerable and absolutely egging Derek's wolf into a chase. It took every ounce of self-control for Derek not to drop all the groceries he had and pursue Stiles.

"Little shit," Derek cursed under his breath as he quickly stalked after him with groceries still in hand. If Stiles was going to insist on running from him, Derek was going to make damn sure Stiles wouldn't physically be able to for at least a few nights.

...

After the fifth time, Stiles had mostly learned his lesson. Or at least, he learned to be more strategic about when he goaded Derek into chasing him. If he was being honest, Stiles found it pretty hot when Derek would chase after him and toss him into bed. But he knew, it was best to leave the chasing in more private places, so he tried his best to not go running off when they were in public. Emphasis on tried. He would usually catch himself, but sometimes when his mind was running in a million different directions he found himself doing the same. Just like he was today.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Stiles began to turn away, but was completely derailed from his thoughts when Derek started sprinting in the opposite direction.

"Derek!?" he called out exasperatedly. He hurried after his retreating form. "Where the hell are you going?"

Stiles knew it would be impossible to catch up if Derek was seriously running, but Derek was quickly folding over in a fit of laughter when Stiles jogged up to him.

Between gasps of breaths he asked, "What the hell?" He backhanded Derek's shoulder which was still shaking in laughter. "Why are you laughing?"

Derek straightened as he collected himself. "I'm sorry. It's just-- I recently learned that if your dog is ever running away from you, you shouldn't chase them. You should run in the opposite direction and they'll start chasing you." He wrapped his arms around Stiles. "Looks like it worked."

"Derek!" Stiles flushed as he tried to wriggle out of Derek's grip but to no avail. He gave up and let himself sink into the embrace. "I'm not your dog."

"Yeah, yeah. It just felt nice to be chased for once."

"If you like running so much, maybe I can get you a ball and we can play fetch sometime."

"Really, Stiles? Dog jokes?"

"You started it," Stile quipped back grinning.

Derek bent down and buried his face in the crook of Stiles' neck. "I'd keep you on a leash if I could, but I guess I'll just have to settle for keeping you in my arms."

"You're such a sap. And you don't need to keep me on a leash." Stiles shifted so he could cup Derek's face in his hands. "I might run away, but I got amazing recall."

He kissed Derek.

"I'll always come back."

when derek warns stiles not to run because he won’t be able to hold back his wolf’s instinct to chase after him… and it happens almost everyday too. due to stiles’ adhd, when he can think of something he HAS to do it immediately. like when they’re out for grocery shopping stiles would be like OH I FORGOT ABOUT ICE CREAM BRB and then start running like a small animal. which can confuse derek’s wolf who thinks his mate is playing with them and wants to be chased and we need to run after him right NOW

#i can't help it. if i sees a good sterek writing prompt then i must write. i don't make the rules #if you happened to follow me bc i wrote a sterek fic one (1) time then rejoice bc i made another one #sterek #mine

1K notes · View notes

ducktollers · 10 days ago

Text

me on that next episode button when season 8 episode 16 ‘secrets and lies’ queues up

#erposting #never watching that shit again. the second hand embarrassment was crazy #weirdest episode. could be so good in theory but feels SO weird #tell me why for exactly one (1) episode they implement csa into carters lore and then never ever mention it again #and had his friends (and girlfriend???) laugh at him for it to boot. I HATE THAT SHIT #so deeply unfun to watch #and also his and lukas bizarre homoerotic sword duel would be fun. if it wasnt for the cringing #carters such an embarrassing loser the whole time i cant stand it #and the one time hes not am embarrassing loser its STILL miserable to watch. teehee molestation funny when its done to a man by a woman hehe #heehee its 2002 teehee its so funny #lets have the character it happened to be visibly upset abt what happened to him and imply he knows its wrong #and then have every other character laugh and no indication that laughing is a dick move #im not one of those people thats like. ‘Anything bad in media must be explicitly denounced’#but its so fucking WEIRD. why are none of these good people who r his friends and colleges taking csa seriously #character assassination for real

4 notes · View notes

cosmicterrorthe8th · 1 year ago

Text

Another Grant headcanon:

I think he wrote love notes when in relationships, and he went all out with like making the paper scented and stuff. But like he had no good perfume so he ended up using his horrible body spray. So like the lucky boyfriend would like find a paper reeking of the body spray like every once in a while.

Also I think he was someone who fell deep into romance because having a crush and feeling butterflies in his stomach was better than numbness. So he would pursue every crush even if he knew it would not end well because of the thrill of it. I think this sucked but I think he atleast felt like this is a normal way for life to suck.

#honestly I was thinking he continued the note thing with marco in college maybe?#and now marco likes the smell of the body spray even if grant found better perfumes cuz nostalgia #i think i am in my own la dee da world after this episode #where I think if willy takes a break from torturing the parents they should form a circle and become bffs #they should form a circle #toast to rebecca #and then just talk shit idk #i think they would be very funny as a group after they are done grieving #like cassandra would be like how could I have dated such a loser #he literally kidnapped like four of my exs ex friends and put collars on them when we were dating #and they would be like no its not your fault he is that manipulative #and then one of them would talk about their ex to comfort her #and then somwhow it would come out that willy is like the age of their grandparents #and cassandra would be like why did this senior citizen get me so bad #he told me to make him a sandwich and I #a multimillionaire made him a sndwich #this will probably never happen in canon #dndads #grant wilson #dungeons and daddies #the tags are their own seperate post at this point #dndads s2 #all the spouses knew willy as a nice guy who saved them #rebecca was the only one who suspected him so thats why he killed her #they must be feeling so duped getting tortured except for marco who saw him kill a man #cassandra has been feeling duped since heaven #this is killing me all of them are having conversations in my head now the comedy and the pain is killing me mostly the comedy #marco li wilson #grant li wilson #anu posts

29 notes · View notes

camgirlkaminari · 1 year ago

Text

i just caught up with the latest chapters and like. those dudes definitely made out right? like that's not even subtext? like horikoshi fully said one and two absolutely went hog wild upon each other like. in the text, right??????? I have other, more cool and normal thoughts, but what is really important to me right now is that. those dudes definitely canonically got nasty. right???????????????????

#other things to note: oh my god afo absolutely gave shigaraki his brothers hand. unbelievable #also: what happened with hawks? did he fully get absorbed into afo? why was he all the way in there like that. did i miss something #bnha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #but really like what the fuck is this story about. all might starts off like yeah you gotta swallow my dna #NOT lets do some sort of. blood oath where we manfully exchange bodily fluids #thats soooo specific #like heroes rising? they touched bloody hands but this is NOT a syphilis situation this is a #katsuki had to have stuck his nasty little fingers in his mouth before they could start the fight. which is SO funny to imagine #and then im back to yoichi and how he must have given away his quirk the first time like #like. doesnt it sound like kudou was like i feel weird. better get a pregnancy test about it #right? right? am i insane here?#bruce says hm. youve got some weird little unformed thing in there #kudou replies: hm. its just as i expected. i knew ever since the time we made love under the moon something about me was different #right?#ugh a lifetime of trying not to read to much into shonen shit im truly like. grappling with this #they fucking. fucked. right?!!!????!!!

44 notes · View notes

deerest-deer · 8 months ago

Text

thinking really hard about logging into my old tumblr acc after being gone for like a year and a half cause i stumbled upon a post that led me to my old mutuals and i teared up a lil </3 but also i feel so ashamed i left without saying a word to anyone aaaa

#like i genuinely feel so bad for simply disappearing from people's lives :c #i used to talk to some of them daily and like even had plans to see one of them on holiday to another country?? like that level of close #and then well my mental health went to shit i took a semester off uni and disappeared from my irl friends' lives too for a good 6 months #some of my mutuals had my ig and we followed each other but i also haven't really been there much since dissappearing last year so #but i just snooped into some of their accounts and seeeing what they're up to made me want to talk to them sooo bad #everyone was so cool and kind and i miss them so much it's just i feel so guilty and also don't even know if i'm able to mantain constant #contact and conversations with people now. like it's been even hard for me to stay in touch with my irl friends aaa #why must my brain hate me so much and not let me socialize !! i used to be such an extroverted person what the fuck happened!!#i know some of them messaged me worried and i felt so guilty for not responding but i saw those dms when i was very much deppressed #so i never answered and now i feel like it's too late GOD!!#anyways at least it was nice snooping and seeing how they're doing i genuinely wish them only good things they're fucking great #maybe i just need to suck it up and just go back and talk to people again but i get so overwhelmed just thinking about it!!#okay it's like 4 am i'm posting this and maybe deleting it in the morning sorry for the rant i just am feeling a lot !!

4 notes · View notes

iceeericeee · 2 years ago

Text

I wonder how many tags i can add on to this

#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo #this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed #the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg #but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or #something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who #thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding #very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting #absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is #basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since #i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li #type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to #be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell #'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer #anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi #whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23 #except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang #i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue #i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan #to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though #would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y

17 notes · View notes

hershelwidget · 1 year ago

Text

i think it would be funny if for the theatre reveal it’s just an ABSURDLY long bit where a small rock containing theatre’s “true name” is rolling around on the ship and everyone is failing miserably to catch it. nobody ever fucking grabs the rock but to save them some time i do allow for the players to See what is written on it but as soon as its said whats written on it i disband the party and this all happens on april fools so nobody believes me

#i know we’re past april but fuck it. june first #i dont know why but the reveal has me VERY VERY NERVOUS #must be because of the. ahem. current status of peoples feelings towards theatre :) dies inside #i know im a fiction doesnt affect reality kinda guy #i know i display and say values that some freaks (antis) say are deplorable and delusional #and by that i mean i respect the balance between Characters and Real People #it still internally. irks me? i guess #probably just because i see myself in both theatre AND the person i fear him being shipped with the most #and because i have someone in my life who. with me. displays Their Relationship #like. theatre’s dynamic with this character is Based Loosely Off Of me and that other person’s dynamic #VERY LOOSELY i want to make very clear. but its There #idk man im ramblin.#anyways im really like. im gonna Respect if people ship them now and even after #i like. literally cant do shit about that #nor is it really my place to #i just have to accept that its gonna happen. especially as the ‘fandom’ grows #idk man being raised with an ‘anti’ mindset really fucked with my Normal Media Consumption and Appreciation #i dont like to throw around the terms but its the best i got rn #ANYWAYS ANYWAYS theatre’s reveal is going to be. fauckin insane #both the reveal itself and the reactions to it.#so…. wish me luck cause i’m doing it next rp i host. this shit is Happening.

2 notes · View notes

wild-at-mind · 2 years ago

Text

Being in a long distance relationship long term is so fucked up. For context for people in bigger countries I'm not talking flying distance from each other, I'm talking about 3 hrs apart on the train, so not that far arguably. But still far enough that our lives are almost completely separate in the practical sense, no matter how much we talk on the phone or meet halfway. When one of us stays over at the other's place we are still guests in each other's homes. I still don't know what cohabiting would be like and what a comfortable normalicy of being in each other's lives in person every day would be like. We're coming up to our 11th anniversary. I don't want to break up with him!!!! I love him deeply and I've never met someone I'm as compatible with as him. I've never been in love like this and I'm not easy to know, and yet he does know me and likes what he sees. I just feel I am stuck and I am frustrated that my sex life is like once every 3 months. I still don't even know how often we would have sex if we lived together, we haven't had the chance to find that rhythm. When we see each other there's no time to do any more involved stuff it's just getting off. Basically everytthing we've talked about has to stay in the realm of fantasy because there's never any fucking time.

I am trying I said to him- you need to do covering letters and things, you can't just send your CV that has never worked. He's the one who wants out of his current job, and out of his town, but applying for jobs is so fucking hard when you're working full time and trying to do things you love to not get fucking depressed. See I understand those things because I would feel the same way. If he moved here we could find a place together and I could find it out if I actually can live with someone else and stay mentally well. I'm getting too dependent on living alone in order to stay mentally well and it worries me.

Sorry to vent. I'm not looking for advice it's just venting.

#yeah it's embarrassing for a 34 yr old to go on about soul mates but i realy believe we are #i wouldn't be in this situation if we weren't really for real great together because i'm old enough to do right by myself #i can wait and in understand it's hard for someone neurodivergent to make big changes #it would be hard for someone neurotypical! so it must be even worse for him and it's so easy for him to get overwhelmed and crash emotional #as you can see from my rambles i have my baggage too like massive baggage #i worry though because he came to stay like 3 weeks ago for a few days and i was wound up and uncomfortable having a guest #even though it was him- i was hormonal so that could have been it but it's fucking scary #because you just think 'i wish i was alone in my own home right now doing my comfortable routine'#i'm stressing about washing extra dishes but my ocd requires that i'm always the one to wash them #i just want ot not be bothered and yet i feel like shit because i have no idea if it's always going to be like this or just a bad few days!#even though we have fun when we go out and stuff #the living together thing is really stressing me and i only have the last time it happened 3 months ago which i can barely remember #as reference for how i normally feel when he's here #ooooooof :(#fyi he doesn't want to do polyamory as is his right- it's not for everyone #and he has much more to lose in the dating/casual sex area than i would if i did it but i won't go into why

4 notes · View notes