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shastafirecracker · 1 year ago

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4, 6, 17, 20?

oooh well this got long so I'll do a break to save everyone's dashes

4 a sentence or paragraph that you’re proud of oh man, I’m proud of a lot of what I’ve written, especially lately. I feel like a lot of the stuff that hits hardest only hits right within its larger context. I love a sucker punch sentence after a long, slow buildup. I was really happy with the bit with Nick walking into the lake at the end of “don’t stop if I fall”:

It felt so strange, but also like a need as primal as human touch being met for the first time after an eon of starvation. His whole body was a raw burn and the water that rose up around him was a cool compress. His hands, cracked and callused from a lifetime of abuse, drank up the moisture and grew soft. He kept walking.

I mean, how bizarre would it feel to have never been submerged in water? if your only contact with water had ever been via sinks and showers and maybe a tepid, cramped bath?

I’m really proud of a lot of my comedy moments, too. I think my comedic pacing and timing has gotten better over the years and I’ve always loved to write banter. But I think I’ve gotten better at structural comedy via the narrative also, not just funny dialogue, particularly for characters who would not say funny dialogue - like in “I’ve seen all the demons that you got”:

Vash came back into the shop stinking of cigarettes[…] Knives sprayed him with air freshener and retreated to his office while Vash spluttered. […] he told Vash where he was going, and Vash's eyebrows did a little dance. Knives was sorry he didn't still have the can of air freshener.

6 what character do you have the most fun writing? ok there’s recency bias happening here obviously, but I fucking love writing Zazie. they’re so fun. y'all won’t know why I’ve had so much fun with them until November but it’s just refreshing to write a chaos gremlin who doesn’t have baggage, lol.

17 do you think that readers perceive your work differently to you? what do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or motivations? until fairly recently I would have said that readers would be surprised to know that I’m asexual but then I found out that apparently aces who write smut are, like, the backbone of society XD but seriously, my go-to answer for “why does someone who doesn’t want to have sex write about sex” is just why would someone who doesn’t want to go to space write about going to space. why would someone who doesn’t want to commit a murder write a murder. stares directly at the stupidly massive quantity of speculative fiction ever written and then looks into the camera.

other than that uhhhh I have no idea? a few times I have had readers leave reviews like “oh wow, you must have experienced [thing] because you describe it so accurately” and I take that as a huge compliment because it means I’m a very good study of human character and psychology. but no, to those specific commenters in the past, I have not been a member of a cult, grown up on a farm and/or killed chickens to cook, nor had any transcendent group sex. thanks for thinking my life is that exciting tho! <3

20 tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble about (symbolism, character or relationship development, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes) ok there’s a big one in the big bang fic that I can’t talk about yet but I HOPE people see what I did there. and are just like “I see what you did there”

yes I love these!!! generally it’s wordplay or symbolic references that I just don’t know if anyone picked up on because no one said it in any comments… argh I’m struggling to think of a lot right now but in “I’ve seen all the demons that you’ve got” I really hoped that when I used the phrase “dose makes the poison” that people connected that all the way through Knives’ past work refining ricin and him having been dosed with ketamine (which is, like, a legitimate and important medication but the dosage is SO important)… ummmm also in “don’t stop if I fall” there’s just so many. I hope people grokked every usage of the lyric that the title came from - every time the words “don’t stop” were used in that fic it was very deliberate (including the extremely dubious consent sex scene).

one small one in that same fic that I hope someone/anyone caught was this sentence: “He remembered this ground like an old friend, this stained glass landscape.” because Wolfwood remembers the grounds of the orphanage as stained (with his own blood, with the attempts to water the seedlings when he was a kid), and because the ground is glass (sand, silicate) and therefore contains no nutrients, and because of the obvious religious connotation (but which doubles back on the other two as meaning, you know, a bright thing with no substance). I was happy with that sentence.

a bit of a character note that I cling to at all costs is that if I’m writing something post-canon, any version of canon, even my own AUs’ iterations of “canon,” then Vash WILL miss Knives and grieve him constantly. and he’ll feel a lot of guilt about feeling like he shouldn’t grieve Knives, shouldn’t be allowed to feel grief because Knives was so “evil” and Vash “won” and blah blah blah, and that every time someone celebrates the world not ending it is another twist to the knife in his guts. look up pyrrhic victory in the dictionary there’s a mugshot of vash. it just matters to me to always be clear that vash is not actually okay with how it all shook out in the end.

#sf writes #it's so hard to remember anything ive ever written as soon as im asked a question about it #oops #lohikaar #writer ask meme

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radellama · 3 years ago

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Fanfiction "Would you rather?"

Tagged by @future-dregs , yours were so fun to read and I got a bit rambly but had fun answering too!

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Friends to lovers, or enemies to lovers?

Friends to lovers, definitely. I'd rather not have animosity and troubled backgrounds that add baggage to the relationship, it's frustrating for everyone. Unless it's a very rare case of well done enemies to friends to lovers slowburn.

Be forced to watch a terrible movie adaptation of your favorite fanfic, or an amazing adaptation of your least favorite fanfic?

Amazing adaptation. If something like Harry Potter can be decent movies with THAT kind of source material, you can do anything. I think I've already seen enough terrible fanfic movies with all these shitty 'franchise reboots/sequels' so. Yeah. looking at you star trek and resi

A more fun question for me would be which one I'd have to direct, my favourite fic with too much upper management meddling and ruining it, or adapting a source material I hate but with mostly free reign over how I go about it - to which I'd still go for the one I hate cause I'll work through it with pure, hard boiled spite and turn it into something good LMAO

Read fanfic chapters backwards, last to first, or read them as parsed from google translate?

Backwards, but I'm taking the assumption that each chapter is in order and I'm reading the chapter order backwards, not each word of each chapter backwards as well.

Consume every fanfic as an audiobook read by a monotone narrator, or have to read every fanfic on a tiny printed piece of paper written in yellow highlighter?

I can't fucking read yellow highlighter and I already watch enough of that monotone shit on YouTube when I'm studying/drawing, easy win to monotonous reading.

Get a tattoo on your body of every fanfic title you read, or never read fanfic again?

Tattoos. Just get a good artist and make a kind of design out of how all the titles are placed, make em tiny so you got room for more, and off ya go.

Vampire AU or Werewolf AU?

Vampire! But good ones please lol. Werewolves are fun too but a lot of what I've read is too bland-angst or unfunny crack, and vampires just appeal to me more

Get sold to a boy band, or be stuck in a time loop with your love interest?

Time loop! There's some really nice episodes of shows that have time loops (I'm mainly thinking star trek but I'm SURE I've seen other time loop episodes) so I'd be interested to see how that'd go with different stakes and have it be relationship oriented/character driven instead of in massive high stakes must save the world lol

Kill your favorite character, or marry your least favorite character?

I MEAN.... CT already gives you the option. I can just do that. I've also jokingly already been married and divorced to the annoying shit head from CT as well, but I don't think it counts cause I love to hate him. Dunno. If eventual divorce is an option maybe I'd get married, cause I can already kill

Meet your love interest in a coffe shop AU or a college AU?

Really depends on what we're studying. If it's my current major, that could be kinda funny. Making short films with these constraints and pretty much no budget is insane, and I'm even more so. It'd surely be interesting. Also tbh I don't go to coffee shops because I don't like the smell and they're always loud as fuck and I don't even drink coffee to begin with soooo......

Have your fic history leaked, or never read another fanfic again?

Fuck it. No shame. I've read some shit and it'd be a bit nostalgic to see what I read way back in the day cause some were fun (most the fics are lost or got deleted) but most of it is cringe LMAO

Be able to read amazing fanfiction but it always has an mpreg plot twist, or only read bad fanfiction for the rest of your life?

Listen. If it's amazing, mpreg could be good. I just don't like seeing weird mpreg that feels fetishy and not well done. Plus if this means cool trans rep in fics, sign me up I'll get over my own personal discomforts. Also will it stay a plot twist if it's in EVERY fic I read? That's just overdoing the trope with no innovation

Gay ships or straight ships?

Honestly I prefer The Gays ™ cause at least back in the day, when did we ever get shit. It was all queer baiting or villain characters or bury your gays. But! If it's written well I honestly couldn't care less, I'd take an interesting het ship over a bland gay one any day

Ship a rarepair with almost no content, or a pair with lots of content but almost all of it is cracky nightmare smut?

Haha both of these are reality 🙃🙃 I mean, I made an OC to ship with my favourite dude (almost no content cause I'm da only one making shit) BECAUSE all the other fics with my man were fucking gross. Not even funny cracky nightmare smut just straight up. Enemies that are together but not really lovers, taking advantage of power imbalances, incest, and straight up being disrespectful and blurring lines of consent and all of it feeling wildly ooc. YUCK NO THANKS I'LL STAY IN MY CORNER WITH MY OC AND CONTINUE MAKING DUMB MEME COMICS AND ATTEMPTING THE NICE FIC

See your OTP shatter years after their happily ever after, or never have the happily ever after happen in the first place?

Hmmmm..... Well considering my oc ship I mentioned previously ALREADY HAS a betrayal and break up with ambiguous ending in mind for their 'canon' fic, I might have to go with the first one. Cause it can be done well and having that reflection of all the good times together being only memories can be so bittersweet... Though I'm up for reading a good one that explores never having gotten together. Any otp I'll read either if it's good

Read a poorly written but complete fanfic, or a literary masterpiece last updated June 2013?

Listen. I've already read some masterpieces that haven't updated since earlier than that. I still think about a lot of abandoned fics all the time. If it's good and I have to live with it being incomplete I'll take it

Read SSSS++++ tier smut with almost 11k words, or 70k words worth of fluff?

Both, if they're both well written. But tbh I'll take the smut if it's that good

Read only alternate universe fanfics, or only canon fanfics?

Considering I get a little inwardly pissy when I see some utterly whacky ooc stuff, I'd rather take the aus, cause then if people feel too ooc for me it's just an au lol..I know the point of fanfic is that you can do whatever but also, if you're doing a canon/canon adjacent fic, I prefer when they're taken seriously. I know that's pretentious as fuck and definitely of the 'you will never understand these characters like I do' shit but. Aus are so much easier to enjoy cause so many people have weird interpretations that'll piss me off way more if they're trying to pass it as canon...

Introduce fanfics to your normie friend with an ongoing smut fic with great writing, or a complete fluff fic with terrible writing?

Great writing. Nothing wrong with some smut if it's really good, no need to be prudish. And honestly, if the normie friend is REALLY against it, I could just create a censored version for them and snip out the smut scenes.

Read your NOTP with all your favorite tropes and perfect characterization, or your OTP with tropes you despise and inconsistent characterization?

Notp done well for sure. If it's that good and in character with good plot and tropes, it could be fun. Dunno if it'll change my mind on it being notp lol but I'd rather that than have to read those shitty fics for my man all over again lol.. Already been through that don't make me do it again

Read a fic with an interesting concept but very poor writing, or read a fic with an uninteresting concept with really good writing?

I've already read plenty of both. Some fic authors are just able to make the most mundane things compelling, and some are still honing their skill but clearly have the passion, and both are fun to read. Don't really have a preference here, I'd probably just go on whatever is recommended to me/piques my interest first lol

Have a major character death, or have a bed sharing scene but it's a ship you hate?

Both lol, I don't really care. I'd be mildly curious about how others characterise the ship I hate, and major character deaths can be very interesting and help create some fascinating dynamics and character driven moments. Actually maybe I'd lean more towards character death

Read a fanfic that has consistent grammar and spelling mistakes, or one that the characters are wildly different than canon?

Grammar and spelling mistakes. I'm taking this as 'wildly different to canon but trying to make a canon fic,' in which case it's a massive no thanks. If it's a crack au or clearly meant to be silly, I don't mind, but grammar and spelling aren't that bad

Every fanfic includes Jackson Wang, or every fanfic includes at least one NSFW moment?

Fucking .. Jackson Wang... I've already been in the dark days where I read Kpop fic and every other fic he'd be there anyway and sometimes it's the most random thing... He's a nice enough dude irl but now I'm older and have different fandoms to actually read I realise I'm rather uncomfortable reading fics of irl people, no matter what the mental gymnastics I might've used to justify back in the day. So I'll take the nsfw thanks

Read the most absolutely messed up dead dove with your most wholesome otp, or subject yourself to 100,000 words of your NOTP all written in a solid block with no punctuation and horrible grammar?

Dead dove. I can take that, I'm fucked in the head anyway and might really enjoy it. Spelling and grammar being poor I can deal with, but a solid block? Even of a ship I do like? No thanks that's going to make my head cave in

Have the power to read every fanfic in existence, or have the power to make any ship canon?

All da fanfic, and please have part of that be that I remember the titles and where to find them LMAO. Unless we're talking about turning my oc ship canon in a game mod.... Coders hmu I have ideas to make this a reality

Have your OTP get together in canon but one of them dies in a tragic way, or all members of your OTP survive but get together with other people?

Hmmmm.... Really depends on what ship it is. And the context. I'd take either cause they're both great angst.. I am trying to think of what I'd lean towards but it really feels split down the middle for me lol

Read a cringy 70 chapter Harry Styles mafia AU, or a highschool Kpop AU y/n fic horrible grammar?

Already read those cringe kpop high school aus with next to no grammar and I'll fucking do it again. I don't care for Harry Styles at all lol

Accidentally send your boss a super detailed smut fic, or read a super detailed smut fic about your boss?

Read one, I can keep that to myself. Yeah maybe the first couple days/weeks after I read it will be hard not to laugh or something, but I'll get over it I can be professional.

Read smut fanfic aloud to your parents, or submit fanfic to the employer of your dream job?

I MEAN....... I'M STUDYING TO MAKE MOVIES RN AND IF IT'S MAKING A SCREENPLAY FOR AN ALREADY EXISTING FRANCHISE THAT'S TECHNICALLY FIC!??? I dunno if making movies is my ~dream job~ but I've always wanted to be creative and make stories so. Easy. Also if I make movies or whatever and there's a sex scene in it that's really similar to reading a smut scene to them anyway..

Pine after an oblivious love interest, or be the oblivious love interest being pined after?

Mutual oblivion 🙈🙈 🤯💥

jk, I think both have their interesting qualities, I can't really say. What about being oblivious to the fact that you're pining??

Hanahaki disease, or your soulmates first words to you tattooed on your body (and they're really stupid)?

Ummm... I don't really read soulmates aus all that often. Hanahaki has a really cool aesthetic to it but all the fics seem the same, and tattoo ones... Like once you meet, what's next? I'd probably say hanahaki just for the aesthetic and fingers crossed it's interesting and not bland tragedy porn, or I'd just ask for a better soulmates au LMAO

Be an Alpha, Beta, or Omega in omegaverse?

I've never read any of these kinds of fics so I dunno. I'll be whatever is funniest or provides the most compelling plot

Read a fanfic where the characters turn into furries, or a fanfic where the characters all get pregnant?

Nothing wrong with furries, could be fun. Lowkey interested in what's caused everyone to get pregnant, like is it just slice of life and EVERYONE is pregnant, like men women and all inbetween alike? Or is it a sci-fi or fantasy where there's some magic/science bullshit? It could be interesting? And tbh I have a few scenes in a fic I'm writing with sci-fi bs for some characters getting pregnant but it's coming from a body horror perspective so? If it's a cool premise I probably wouldn't care about everyone being pregnant?

Be able to resurrect dead fics, or have the power to create of plethora of new fics effortlessly?

So uh. This is the choice between resurrecting dead fics or actually having the time to write my 20+ aus just for ct? That I could even write fics for other fandoms? This is easy I wanna finish writing my fucking fics babbbeeeyyy

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Tagging @stillmoveforward @hellishgoat @fanimefreak @kanonavi @dishesoap @nyx4 and anyone else I'm forgetting if ya wanna do it. No pressure to it you don't want to either

#tag game #future dregs #this was so fun hehehe #i need to finish writing my first chapter and actually post while I've still got a bit left of my holidays lol

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julies-butterflies · 3 years ago

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I must admit, sometimes I do feel like a ye olden solider, sending letters to my beloved across the waves during wartime. Oh my dearest Lydia, I hope the kudos and comments crops have been plentiful this season. Your last letter left me weeping. Why must you put poor Reginald through such pain?

(I gotta admit, I still can't believe that I'm talking to you. I've been looking up to your work for so long...it just feels a bit surreal, even now! Glad you like hearing my ramblings! And that you liked my vampire prompt! Did not realize you'd write back when I sent that in. Look at us now, huh?)

(Speaking of prompts, I sent those jukebox and willex ones too. And I loved them both so so much, I shall scream about them more when it is not 2 am because I need sleep)

(Oh and the update of If I Was You!!! Amazing, Stellar, Incredible, Reggie, Carrie, Julie shenanigans is my new favorite thing, DID YOU JUST DOUBLE THE CHAPTER COUNT, and I'm like 90% sure Trevor is in deep trouble with a certain angry jazz ghost. Seriously loving it)

I actually do not remember what it was like to send in 1/5 asks, because I did not get a Tumblr until very reccently! I've always been a nerdy person, but Jatp is my first time being really in a fandom. You gotta do something new in quarantine, right?

Ah yes. Luke and Emily. To me, it just seems obvious that there's so much love between them. Even with all the pain. You get it. You put it down so eloquently.

As for what kind of stories I like to read...it seriously depends on my mood.

I like niche aus, passion projects. Stories where you can just feel the author's love for the world they're inventing. But I tend to lean towards cannonverse. I like ghost stories, it's what drew me to this show in the first place. And I love exploring that concept. (Being forever gone, and always the same...it's just fascinating to me)

Platonic goodness is just WONDERFUL for this show. I will read anything with cuddles. I am touched starved and these kiddos are too, and I will cry about them puppy piling every damn day. Plus there's just some much POTENTIAL for future friendships! I love ones where Flynn and Carrie get to interact with the boys as well. And 90s content, from before and after the orpheum, just hits hard.

I really wasn't expecting to get invested in the couples on this show, but something about them is moving to me. So I do love to read about them. Watching two queer kids who lived during incredibly important areas of queer history find love together after death really hit hard for me, and there's just something so bittersweet about a girl and ghost deciding to love each other for the little time they're given.

I love family dynamics too. Anything with Ray and his seven disaster children, the band and Trevor.... I think Julie and Emily is one of my favorite dynamics to explore. A girl who lost her mother and a mother who lost her son, both grieving but with one able to speak to the dead...it's just very powerful to me.

(And of course, Luke and Emily, but I figured you already knew that)

Mostly...I like seeing the messy stuff. The unexpected consequences, the baggage. I want to see the messy emotions, the grief and anger, the jealously, the disorientation. I look for those glass shards, that might be too sharp to ever be addressed on the show. Not even the big, monumental plot lines just... the harder pieces of life, the little moments that don't fit neatly into a nine episode arc.

I just want to see them live you know? Love, laughter and loss all mixed together.

(One of my all time favorite tropes is "found family gets broken apart by trauma, only to find each other again and come back stronger than ever." I feel like this explains a lot of my taste in fiction)

Thank you for the writing advice. Your words were very motivating. I am trying to begin! I got up the nerve to start working on a little piece. Who knows if it will go anywhere. But it's been nice, to finally put some words on the page.

The POTC au is so freaking good man. The character dynamics are just on FIRE. Everything is broken and messy and the relationships genuinely tug at my heartstrings. It's such a fascinating story. Highly recommend, even with the cliff hangers.

OH HOW COULD I FORGET PAWPRINTER? Man oh man I love all her work. The wheelies art and steals universe is freaking amazing, not an avacado had me in tears (of laughter, till things got surprisingly sad). And All that Remains...slow burn Willex perfection. Jedi Alex and Pilot Willie have my HEART.

I don't think I've read firefall and weneedglitter (or if I have, I'm just not connecting the names to their pieces. I don't always remember author names. it's a problem). I will go look for them though! Cannot wait!

For more recs, I recently binge read We Found Wonderland. I was not mentally prepared for the sheer amount of feelings that gave me. Highly recommend, if you ever want an emotional rollercoaster with an incredibly satisfying end.

Going on to more serious subjects...I'm sorry your family doesn't see your grief for what it is: honest. Better to feel everything quietly, than make it an easily understadnable performance. Fake grief is so easy to spot.

I think of that scene from "Forever," when Buffy breaks down and tells Dawn that she has to keep busy, because if she stops, it means Joyce is really gone. There's a lot of truth there.

On a tangent here but.. there was a very long period in my life when I was told the ways I expressed my emotions were "incorrect". And I found that sometimes, no matter how you show your emotions, you'll always be criticized. Numbness can be called disinterest, but sobbing can be called attention-seeking too. Too big, too small: that jury was impossible to please This may not apply in your situation but...it's okay to feel however you can. It's the only think you can do, really.

As I've said before, Grief is such an odd trickster.

Don't you ever get tired of missing people... This past year, I've been so weary of grief. Sometimes it can be so sharp, but it's that dull ache. That ball and chain, no longer cutting through your skin, but rubbing it raw, weighing you down.

And people don't like to talk about that part, because it's long and tiresome, but oh, is it there. I find it hard to talk about my grief, because sometimes there's just so much of it. I could drown in it, and that fear keeps me from looking to close. To incorrectly quote Jane Austin: "If I missed you a little less, I might be able to talk about it more."

(Sometimes it's faceable. But sometimes you just can't bear it. And that's okay.)

But what you wrote in that eulogy...the love is there. It's in every word you write. I cried reading that section. I feel honored once again to see some of your jagged pieces. You're sharing your heart, and there's just so much love.

In the wise words of an author I know, "Love is like the snow Reggie. It never goes away."

And don't worry, I'm always with you.

Sending Love,

-LydiaStan7845 (aka Vampire Anon)

So...that Reggie and Nicky prompt

my god

my GOD

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

I think it's safe to say congrats, you've officially destroyed me! I was not prepared for that at ALL. I should know better by now I guess.

I can't get over that even though they all take place in very different universe, all your stories just feel so connected! The way this talked about those headphones, which you mentioned in the first chapter of Kill Your Heroes...it's just so cool. All the characterization and backstory is just so well thought out, and it genuinely blows my mind.

I didn't think I could love Nicky Peters more. I was wrong. The way you write about him...even though you never go into exactly what happened to him after Reggie's death, you can just feel how much it's shapped him as a person. And the trauma around his father, and how he fears becoming like that, was just so beautifully written. He's just so lovable and flawed and trying so damn hard and you made my heart ache for him. Again.

You always take these genuinely crazy situations and...you just make them feel so real. I love you explore the strains such a revelation would put on Nicky's own life, it just makes everything so compellingly messy. It seriously feel like I was watching a real-life account of a family trying to deal with such a massive complication.

That porch scene had me in tears both times I read it. Reggie's just always a big brother, even though Nicky is more than twice his age now. My heart was shattered, and then you slowly mended it, piece by piece. And for absolutely no reason at all, you wouldn't happen to have a reference for the porch, would you?

Just wow. Hope you're doing well. Sending love and applause

-Vampire Anon

i’m not even gonna reply, but i want these documented... on my blog... for posterity. ( for any curious onlookers, i’m dating this anon now!! )

#vampire anon my beloved

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guccitaehyung · 5 years ago

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Surprising Him On Tour (Namjoon X Reader)

Requested?: No (but requests are OPEN)

Genre: Slightly sad at first then turns into fluff, mentions of smut

Warnings: Mention of smut (no actual scenes or details)

Word count: 2k

*(y/n)’s POV*

I was currently sitting on my bed in my shared bedroom with my boyfriend, Namjoon, as I was staring at him through the screen of my laptop. He was currently on tour with his band, BTS, which also includes my younger brother, Jungkook.

We stared at each other for a few minutes before Namjoon decided to say something.

“I miss you so much” He says

“I miss you too. The bed is so lonely and cold without you here” I said pouting

“I just wished you could’ve come on tour with us” He said

“I know, but you know what’s keeping me from coming on tour with you” I said

“Your work, I know. I swear you should just stop working, I earn enough money for the both of us of survive” He said with a sigh

“And you know that I’m an independent woman and I don’t like to depend on people” I said back

“I know, I know. And that’s why I love you” He said sending me a flying kiss and I made a hand motion to show that I was catching his kiss.

We talked for a few more minutes before Namjoon had to go.

“Babe, I gotta go, we have a very hectic schedule tomorrow and I have to be rested properly for it” Namjoon said sadly

“Ahh, well goodnight then” I said sadly waving at him

“Don’t worry, I’ll call you tomorrow when I get some free time” He promised

“Ok, byeee. Sleep well babe” I said

“You too, bye” He said waving

The call ended and I let out a sad sigh. But that’s when I got an idea and I decided to text Jungkook.

I dialed Jungkook’s phone number, it beeped 3 times before he finally picked up the phone.

“Ello” He said

“Hey Jungkook, how’s tour?” I said making small talk

“Good, why you’d call me?” He asked

“Listen, I want to surprise Namjoon by flying over to where you are currently. You in?” I explained

“Yeah sure, anything to make him stop rambling about how he misses you” Jungkook said with an exaggerated tone

“OMG, I better come save you guys quick” I said and giggled at the thought of the members having to listen to my boyfriend just ramble about missing me. It was cute, to be honest.

“When do you wanna come here?” He asked

“When is your next concert?” I asked back

“In 2 days, Saturday, why?” He asked

“I’ll come on Saturday morning then” I said

“Ok cool, need help to book a ticket?” He asked

“Thanks but no thanks, I’m old enough to do it myself. By the way, what are you doing up? I believe it’s nearly midnight where you are?” I asked in a taunting way

“Um-I gotta go (y/n), Namjoon is calling me” He made up an excuse

“Namjoon went to sleep Jungkook” I said while silently laughing

“Right... see ya!” He quickly said and hung up

“He never changes” I said to myself shaking my head

For the next 2 days, I booked my plane ticket to where BTS currently was which is California, USA and had a discussion with my boss about using my accumulated holidays to cover the rest of the tour. Being quite close with my boss, she and I were able to come up with an agreement of being able to work from home whenever I wanted to join Namjoon and BTS for tour. This would work in both our favors as I would be able to be with Namjoon more and my boss would have her job done by the end of the day and I would not have to use up my holidays available.

It was so hard not to tell Namjoon about me being able to work from home and join him on tour and it was even harder to not mention that I was going to come see him in a few days.

I was waiting to board the flight when I received a call from Namjoon. I didn’t answer as there was a high chance that he would suspect something, especially if an announcement was made during the phone call. I decided to send him a text saying that I couldn’t talk right now.

I felt bad about having to lie to him but it would pay off eventually. After I boarded the plane, I prepared myself for the 12-hour plane ride to California by playing my playlist I had created earlier while waiting for the plane. I also had brought my neck pillow hoping to get as much sleep as I can.

*Skip plane ride*

I finally arrived in California at the airport of LAX. I got off the plane and through immigration. As I was waiting for my suitcase, I called Jungkook to tell him that I had arrived. We had arranged that he would come to pick me up from the airport to go to the hotel.

“Hey Jungkook, I just landed and I currently waiting for my suitcase” I said after he picked up

“Ok, I’m waiting for you just outside the baggage claim area” He replied

“Ok, I’ll be out soon, bye” I said and hung up

I quickly got my suitcase and headed out to where Jungkook was. Once I got out, I saw my younger brother along with his group member, Jimin, both wearing back face masks to not attract the attention of any possible fans around. I hugged both of them as soon as I reached them.

“Heyy guys, how have you been?” I asked excitedly

“We’ve been good, your boyfriend, not so much” Jimin said

“Huh? What do you mean?” I asked worried about Namjoon

“He constantly whines about missing you and how you should have come on tour with us. I’m pretty sure Yoongi is close to strangle him, so you’re being a lifesaver for all of us” Jimin explained

“Oh my, let’s get going then” I said and they both laughed

They led me to their car that was driven by their chauffeur. Jungkook helped me get my suitcase in the trunk and sat with me in the back as Jimin sat in the front, next to the driver.

During the ride to the hotel, Jugkook, Jimin and I started catching up on what was going on back home and what was happening on tour such as the funny moments, the fans and all the amazing stages and talk shows they were invited to.

When we arrived at the hotel, the boys were able to sneak me into the hotel lobby and to the elevator without anyone realizing that I was here. We got to the floor of my room which was luckily not on the same floor as the boys and the staff as we didn’t want to get caught by Namjoon after all of our efforts into this surprise.

I was sitting on the queen-sized bed of my room alone. The boys had already gone to the venue of their concert tonight to practice. They were going to come back in the afternoon only to leave again for the venue to prepare for the concert. While waiting for the afternoon to come, I decided to visit the town and go shopping.

After my little shopping spree, I came back after the boys already came back and left for the concert. I got ready and changed into a plain white off-shoulder with jeans skirt overalls and I wore white converse high tops. I grabbed my BT21 Koya bag which had my ‘ARMY Bomb’, phone and wallet in it.

The chauffeur from earlier was the person that was taking me to the venue. So once I got ready, I went downstairs, headed to the car and drove to the venue. Once I arrived, I headed towards the entrance where all the fans were. I was waiting with them for the doors to open and while doing so, I made small talk with the ones that recognized me. Mine and Namjoon’s relationship went public 2 years ago so the fans got used to see me around and accepted me. Of course, there were the ones that were jealous of our relationship but I learned to not let it phase me.

The doors opened and I headed backstage. I texted Jungkook to inform him of my presence and he told me exactly where to go. They had finished doing their hair and makeup so I headed there and stayed in the room until they were on stage and the coast was clear. In the meantime, I spoke to the hair and makeup noonas in the room. And they all told me that Namjoon had spoken a lot about me and that they were, quite frankly, fed up.

The time passed by really fast and the boys were now on stage doing their first quarter of the show before they had to come backstage and change again. I sneaked out to the wings of the stage and enjoyed the concert from there. I spent the whole concert trying not to be spotted by Namjoon and whenever they had to come backstage, I would hide in a vacant room that I knew they wouldn’t use. At some point, they were performing ‘Mic Drop’ and during the choreography, I saw Namjoon turning and looking in my direction and I quickly hid behind the curtains that were nearby hoping that he hadn’t seen me.

*Namjoon’s POV*

I was performing our song ‘Mic Drop’ when my gaze shifted to the wings as something got my attention and I saw a girl that looks exactly like my girlfriend (y/n). I tried looking again but the figure disappeared. Weird I thought.

When we went backstage to change, I was looking around a lot to the point where I got the attention of the other guys.

“You good hyung?” Jungkook asked

“Yeah, why?” I replied still looking around

“You looking for something?” Jimin asked cautiously

“Nope, just looking around” I replied without looking at them

*(y/n)’s POV*

I enjoyed the rest of the concert while still making sure that Namjoon didn’t see me. At the end of the concert, I went to their changing room to wait for them to get off stage.

While waiting, I sat on one of the sofas that were in the room and started scrolling through my social media to pass the time. I waited for about 10 minutes before I heard a ruckus in the hallway. I put my phone away knowing that the boys were about to get here any second now.

The door opened and the boys got in it took a few seconds for Namjoon to realized the massive elephant in the room, which was me. When he did, he froze in the spot with his mouth agape.

“Hey Babe” I greeted him

He didn’t say anything and just came over to me and held me tightly in his arms.

“Oh my god, am I dreaming, or are you really here?” He whispered in my hair

“I’m really here babe” I said looking up at him and pecked his lips

“Jagiya I missed you so much” He sighed after the kiss

We held each other for a while before I decided that I had to greet the other guys so that I didn’t seem rude. I tried to get out of Namjoon’s grip but he seemed to hold on for dear life.

“Babe, could you let go?” I asked cutely at him

“Why?” He asked looking down at me

“So I could say ‘hi’ to the other guys” I replied

“Nooo” He said pouting

“Babe” I said giving him a look “Besides, you’ll be able to have me the whole night” I said winking at him

“Damn right, Jagiya” He said smirking and tapped my ass as a walked off to the other guys

For the rest of the night, the guys and I went for dinner at the restaurant near our hotel and it was there that I told them the news about me being able to work from home and join them on tour. They were all excited about the news and that they wouldn’t have to put up with Namjoon’s whining anymore.

It seemed like Namjoon couldn’t hold his excitement anymore as when we got back to the hotel, well, let’s just say that Namjoon and I didn’t get much sleep as we were occupied filling each other’s needs and cravings that were formed during the time we were apart.

REQUEST ARE OPEN

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makeste · 5 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 247: Todoroki Angst

Previously on BnHA: Ujiko started some kind of procedure on Tomura to make him even more powerful, because that’s what we were all asking for at the end of the last arc, isn’t it? “Horikoshi can you go ahead and make the homicidal nihilist even stronger please and thank you.” Well not to worry, because he’s got our backs! Meanwhile Hawks poked around the villain HQ trying to find out more details about That End Of The World Thing That’s Happening In 4 Months, and came up with squat. But he did successfully pass on his secret message to Endeavor about how “THE CHILDREN ARE OUR ONLY HOPE,” so Endeavor shrugged and was like “fine, HEY CHILDREN, LET’S GO FIGHT CRIME.” Anyways, so I was thinking, do you suppose they all just figured out they’re actually in a shounen manga? Because that would explain a lot.

Today on BnHA: Endeavor gathers the kids together and is all “so tell me about yourselves.” Deku is all “I have two quirks shut up it’s not weird” and says he wants to get better at harnessing his power so that he can use it without it being destructive. Kacchan is all “I’m already strong but I want to become better as a person” and I appreciate how the other characters are able to hold themselves back from exclaiming, “THIS KID’S REDEMPTION ARC... IT’S TOO POWERFUL...!” because I sure the fuck would have if I was there. And then Shouto is all “hey dad, friendly reminder that I’m here because I want to get stronger to reach my own goals, but you’re still a shitty dad and I hate your guts.” Endeavor, to his credit, reacts very appropriately to all three kids (including a resigned “got it” to Shouto, which was in fact the only appropriate response, so props to him for that), and dives right on in to mentoring the shit out of them. He then delivers a challenge -- defeat at least one villain without him beating them to the punch. So that should be fun, and I mean that with complete sincerity. Bring it!

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

oooooh shit we’re starting right on a continuation of the Fuyumi panel from last week. TODOROKI DRAMA ARC INCOMING. THIS IS IT BOYS. THE BIG ONE

omg omg omg

friendly reminder that chapter 242, in which this internship was first announced, came out on September 6. that is six whole weeks that we’ve been waiting for this internship to actually get started for real. I WAS PROMISED CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND UNUSUAL INTERACTIONS AND UNLIKELY BONDS BEING FORMED. and I have been patient, because In Horikoshi We Trust, but is it finally that time now? I just need them to stop hinting at it and finally get to it before I lose my mind okay

so Endeavor is asking Baku and Deku for their character profiles

Deku: “I used to break bones on demand, now I shoot wind from my fists along with the occasional Venom Symbiote”

Bakugou: “I blow shit up and I also have your character development arc, but fast-tracked so that it kicked in before I could fully become a massive prick like you”

meanwhile Shouto just sits there pouting because as we know from the Babysitter’s Club arc (and also from the Sports Festival arc, during which he dragged Deku into a hallway and was all “time to tell you about my tragic past” completely unprompted), he actually has his own character profile on standby ready to go at a moment’s notice, but everyone just keeps it benched all the time. poor Shouto

(ETA: he will not be silenced!!)

so Endeavor is phrasing this in the weirdest way possible, asking them to state “their current ‘assignments’” lol what. at least the second part of this is clearer, with him asking what they want to gain from this internship

okay so Deku says he wants to control his power so that he can “move at max performance.” yes that’s a very good goal for you, World’s Last Hope

lmaoooo

“weren’t you the kid who broke every bone in his arms several times in succession while attempting to KO my youngest child.” way to make an impression Deku

so Deku patiently explains that, yes, but we’re WELL BEYOND the whole bone-breaking stage now and currently at the “trying to master my new SECRET POWER which is still under wraps” stage. get with the times, Endeavor

hahaha here we go. this is so painfully awkward

“yeah so I kind of have a second quirk now. you know. as one does. please ignore how the only other known person to ever have multiple quirks just so happens to be the greatest villain of all time who is currently incarcerated in Tartarus following his last stand during which the number one hero lost all his power. that’s not relevant. anyways so yeah, two quirks, it’s totally normal and not a big deal at all”

what the actual fuck is he going to do once quirks # 3, 4, 5, etc. come along? this is such a disaster it’s not even funny. and by the way, this whole time I’ve been ignoring the elephant in the room that is Katsuki’s face while Deku nearly spills the beans about his so-called secret. but let’s all just acknowledge that it’s amazing and it belongs in a museum

thankfully Endeavor has had more than enough of exercising his brain today after all of that codebreaking, and isn’t even bothering to ask any questions. instead he’s just like, “show me.” probably the right call; easier to just see wth he’s going on about rather than keep listening to this strange and incredibly suspicious explanation

here we go guys time for some BLOOP

that’s because you’re still scared of it! boy if you’re not going to listen to Katsuki then I hope Endeavor can knock some sense into you at least!

you know, Endeav may be scowling so hard his face is gonna get stuck that way, but so far he’s not half bad at this mentoring/coaching thing

really appreciate how he jumps straight into asking pertinent questions about what Deku wants to do with this new quirk, rather than being all “how the fuck do you go from breaking all of your bones to THAT”

so now Deku’s explaining how it works and says he’s been applying the same principles that he uses with Air Force

LMAOOOOO

this right here is the most accurate introduction to Deku that Endeavor could ever have possibly received. THAT’S IT, THAT’S THE CHARACTER

and it also neatly sums up his whole problem with Blackwhip as well, which is just that he’s way overthinking it. no fucking wonder he can’t do anything with it yet! he’s trying to run NASA-level calculations in his head in real time while using it, like wtf. just let loose boi

also can we stop and appreciate how both Bakugou and Shouto are just fucking done. like, Bakugou is one thing, but just look at Todoroki fucking Shouto, Deku’s #1 fan and admirer, being all “wtf I hate Deku now”

LMAO AGAIN

Burnin’ is quickly rising through my favorite character ranks. meanwhile Shouto has gleaned, quite correctly, that those were in fact words coming from Deku’s mouth. what kind of words is a mystery, but at least it’s something

omfg Endeavor can speak Deku

(ETA: one of the things I’m noticing on a reread is how Endeavor is approximately twice the size of the kids. and it’s not like they’re small or anything. but they look like toddlers next to him. he’s only 6′4″ how is he towering over them to this degree.)

I feel like Endeavor’s intelligence levels fluctuate from week to week. or even from panel to panel. enigma

so blah blah blah he’s thinking to himself “his raw power rivals All Might’s” and then -- ! LOOK AT THIS SHIT

SOFT ENDEAVOR ADOPTING DEKU WTAF. holy shit. if anyone says they saw this coming, I’m calling you out as a fucking liar. BUT I’M HERE FOR IT OMG

AND NOW THIS ONE’S TURN!

(ETA: Kacchan is 5′7″. pretty sure Endeavor is actually 8 feet tall.)

lmao Deku’s face. trying to work out what this means and whether it’s good or bad

meanwhile, after the multiple pages of extensive rambling from Deku, Endeavor is about to get an introduction from Bakugou which will likely just consist of “I WANT TO BECOME THE NUMBER ONE” with absolutely no introspection whatsoever. basically the polar opposite of Deku. gotta love it

HERE WE GO

ooh, unexpected! though still brusque. but to be fair, he’s gifted when it comes to saying a lot in few words

(ETA: out of the three, Kacchan definitely took up the least amount of time with his introspection. not bad for a kid who used to think the entire fucking world revolved around him. growth!)

now he’s bitching at Burnin’ for not having anything better to do than stand around heckling them lmao

SHE’S HERE TO PROVIDE COMMENTARY KATSUKI SHHH. in other news, today I learned that Burnin’ is actually me. huh

OH MY GOD KATSUKI IS METAING -- !! [ELBOWS MY WAY INTO THE FRONT ROW] EVERYONE FUCKING SHUT YOUR MOUTHS AND LISTEN!!!!

OH MY GOD

y’all Katsuki really just fessed up and admitted to needing to work on his growth as a person rather than his physical ability. along with a NEW ADORABLE CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK, EXCUSE ME WHILE I ORDER PRINTS OF THIS TO PUT IN MY WALLET

AND HERE WE GO NOW, THE WHOLE “I WANT TO SURPASS THE NUMBER ONE” PART. BUT IT WAS SO MUCH DEEPER THAN I EXPECTED, KATSUKI YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE ME PROUD! LOOK HOW DETERMINED HE IS TO BE A BETTER PERSON

PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, IF YOU’RE NOT ROOTING FOR BAKUGOU KATSUKI THEN WHY ARE YOU EVEN READING THIS MANGA HONESTLY

OMG ENDEAVOR

“this kid...” REMINDS YOU OF SOMEONE, DOESN’T HE! OH MY GOD I NEED TO SIT AND CALM DOWN AND DRINK SOME WATER

anyway so do you love him. YOU BETTER SAY YES!!

LMAO SHOUTO COULDN’T HOLD IT IN ANY LONGER

LET’S HEAR IT THEN, FIVE PEEPEE MAN!!

Endeavor is whipping back around on him all “I THOUGHT YOU CAME HERE TO MASTER YOUR NEW TECHNIQUE” with this look of borderline panic on his face that implies to me that it’s one thing to take on two new kids with no familiar baggage, and quite another to have to deal with his own son’s personal angst which is directly related to his own worst personal shortcomings and sins! but that’s just too bad, Endeavor! also, fuck you!

OH MY GOD TODOROKI SHOUTO HAS THE SOFTEST SADDEST EXPRESSION AND THIS SPEECH IS GOING TO MAKE ME CRY WHAT THE HELL

even Kacchan has gone soft. meanwhile, is somebody cutting onions in here or

(ETA: also, Kacchan really has been promoted to best friend status, hasn’t he? or co-best friend at least. Shouto really does value their time training together, huh. “spending time with these guys.” anyways so this officially is the TodoBakuDeku arc, sorry everyone I don’t make the rules.

also! I really love how Shouto’s character development has been all about him finally figuring out what it is that he wants. one way or the other, Endeavor has been the focus of his life since childhood. everything he did was centered around him, even when it was centered around defying him. it was still always him, and never Shouto. because he’d been raised as his father’s tool, he struggled with feeling like anything he achieved was just giving his father exactly what he wanted. so he never really had the freedom to strive toward his own goals until Deku finally broke him free of that mindset. it wasn’t until he was surrounded by others who shared the same dream he’d once had that he was able to move past the toxic part of that resentment. not to say that it wasn’t justified, because it was! and is, still. but all the same, it was hurting him at least as much as it ever hurt Endeavor, if not much more so.

so I really like the message his arc sends here, which is that forgiveness is not so much for the benefit of the one who hurt you as it is for yourself. and that’s obviously not the right word for it, by the way -- “forgiveness” -- but it’s just a placeholder for lack of a better one. because obviously as we can see, he hasn’t forgiven him, but what he has done is put that part of his past behind him. for his own sake, for his own peace, which he deserves. anyways guys Shouto is so fucking strong and I love him so damn much. shit.)

“y’all didn’t think I was gonna put the Terrible Trio together with Endeavor and not follow through on it with piles and piles of Todoroki angst,” Horikoshi says, casually filing his nails with one eyebrow raised. “c’mon”

here it comes y’all

ain’t no force on this earth more dramatic than a Todoroki. did he somehow get a wind blowing in from somewhere. aren’t they indoors

loool Endeavor getting DRAGGED LIKE AN UNTIED SHOELACE in front of these kids he just met two seconds ago, oof. “don’t forget dad, just because I’ve mellowed out a bit and accepted that I need to learn how to use my fire side doesn’t mean I don’t still hate your guts because BOY DO I.” oh damn

so your kid is justifiably pissed at you for your decade and a half of abuse, not to mention annoyed that you’re just putting it all behind you now and acting like it never happened. but it’s not like it’d make things any better if he just went back to acting like a jerk with these new kids! so here we all are, with no easy answers for this situation. what’s a 45-year-old man trying to make up for his past sins to do

(ETA: boy I just took a stroll around the ol’ fandom and a lot of people have really strong feelings about this huh. the most common sentiment seems to be “YAASSSS SHOUTO”, which I can 100% get behind. but it seems like a lot of people are also angry that Shouto is in this situation to begin with. specifically, we have the usual faction of people who are upset that Endeavor is getting any kind of redemption arc at all, and would prefer if he remained eminently hatable and shunned and detested for the rest of his days.

and look, I get it. humans are hardwired to want things to be fair. we want karma. kindness should beget kindness, and cruelty should net you the same treatment in return. reap what you sow. and while some crimes occasionally fall into a grey area, it hardly gets more black and white than Endeavor’s case. not only is there the child and spousal abuse, there’s also the incredibly dubious consent issues that arise in the case of an arranged marriage. like, there’s really no question that what he’s done is bad. so to see behavior like that “rewarded” by his becoming the number one hero, and to see people actually admiring him, and to watch him taking steps to turn his life around even as his wife and children struggle to gather the shattered pieces of their own lives -- yeah, that’s gonna trigger something in a lot of people. because it’s not fair. he hurt good people who didn’t deserve it, and all of this makes it seem like he’s getting away with it.

but here’s the thing -- there are different types of penance. there’s punishment, but there is also atonement. and Endeavor is getting his just desserts in some ways -- by being forever denied the chance to reach the goal that he worked his whole life toward, and by finally developing a conscience, the better to fully experience the remorse of knowing the pain he brought about to his family. but what’s arguably more important than that is that he also has the opportunity to try and atone for some of the terrible things he’s done, by doing good in the world now. he is a hero. his job is to help people. every day he is making the world a little better by doing that. and that, to me, is such a fascinating idea: a terrible person doing good things. and it’s something that feels almost counterintuitive, and that’s part of why a lot of people have so much trouble accepting it, I think. but it’s a fact of life, isn’t it? if good people can do bad things, then it stands to reason that the reverse is true as well.

and I’ll just come right out and say it -- for me, if it comes down to a choice of having someone be punished, or having them be forced to do good things to atone, I’m gonna go with the latter just about every time. because while it may not feel quite as viscerally satisfying, it’s the option that produces the greatest net benefit for the world. without Endeavor, the world would have one less person out there battling evil. and as I suspect we’re going to continue to see in this arc, there are other, subtler ways that he can still do good as well.

so yeah. it’s a tricky thing. but to be honest, the ability to explore this type of complexity is one of the things I respect the most about Horikoshi’s storytelling. he’s not taking the easy way out here. he’s not giving us easy answers one way or the other. no matter what kind of resolution we get to this character arc, it’s not going to be something that will satisfy everyone. but that’s just how it is. anyways, apologies for the rant.)

hmmm Endeavor

yeah you really read that one wrong. anyway I guess it’s your turn to make a speech now

...

classic Endeavor

(ETA: actually truth be told, that was quite eloquent, and pretty much the only thing he could have said in response to all that. it’s not like he can even begin to justify all of his actions, and pretty much anything else that came out of his mouth would have come off like an attempt to dismiss his son’s feelings, or him trying to weasel out of taking responsibility. there is pretty much nothing else he can say here except for “I understand. that’s valid, and I fucked up.” which this is pretty much acknowledging. anyways this whole chapter is basically the sequel/continuation to 192 and I’m loving it omg.)

so he says he’ll watch over the three of them as a hero, and lead them in hero stuff

oh, I wasn’t going to post this panel, but now Endeavor’s saying “those are the three fundamental skills sought after from a hero” so I guess I should, huh

ooh he says that generally heroes will choose to specialize in either rescue or battle, but his policy is to kick ass at all three. well that’s one similarity between him and All Might, at least. if you’re not here to both win and rescue then what are you even doing with your life am I right

damn there really is a reason why this guy is the number one huh

okay, like. not to knock like 99% of the other heroes out there, but is anyone else sitting there thinking “wow, finally someone competent” or is it just me. like, I really do get a sense of “he’s got it all under control” from him which is lacking with pretty much all of the other heroes. no wonder society is on the verge of being in shambles. what we really need is for all heroes to be this capable, and not just All Might or Endeavor or whoever happens to be the current number one

okay, Endeavor is really out here being a genuinely good mentor, I’m speechless

holy shit

-- WHAT, NO! ARE WE ALREADY DONE?? WHY

okay but I do love that, though. it’s a perfect goal for them. difficult, but not impossible at the rate they’re growing. and it also just so happens to be something that they need to be able to do if they really are going to be the shoulders that society is resting all of its hopes upon. and last but not least, it’s something that all three of them will be able to set their minds too gladly. kick this old man’s ass, kids

anyways. ladies and gentlepeople this chapter was only thirteen pages. shortest chapter we’ve had in a minute. but at least it was densely packed! even if Shouto took up like half of it with his Daddy Issues Speech. that’s okay Shouto we always welcome your daddy angst

all in all I am satisfied. character development, and finally a clear goal for the arc. though part of me would also love it if they manage to achieve this in like the very next chapter. you never know with these wunderkinds lol

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha 247 #endeavor #todoroki shouto #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha meta #makeste reads bnha #well here I am back from six flags at 1:30 a.m. and ready to rant about bnha in the middle of the night #I guess technically speaking it's not *that* late #in tumblr time anyway #anyway my bad sorry guys!

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winterisakillerwrites · 5 years ago

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Love & Great Buildings - Chapter One

Chapter: 1/19

Character/Relationship: Tom Hiddleston/Rosemary Mathews (OFC)

Genre: Romance/Angst

Summary: Three years have passed and a chance encounter brings Tom and Rosie together again. Can time make any difference or are they doomed to repeat their mistakes.

Rating: M

Author’s Notes/Warnings: This is part nine of Last Minutes & Lost Evenings. Many thanks to @redfoxwritesstuff for listening to me ramble incessantly about this story and being a sounding board when I needed it. You are a lifesaver, even if your stories break my heart.

CHAPTER ONE

Rosemary Mathews found herself glancing once again at the clock hanging on the far wall. It was utterly ridiculous how time seemed to have come to a standstill. How can it only have been five minutes? Surely at least an hour’s past.

The stack of papers on her desk was still dreadfully high. Bills, invoices, projection figures. If she stared at them for a moment longer she feared she’d lose what was left of her mind. What had she been thinking? Tackling the online market had been one thing. Though she still had nightmares about web design…

But another physical store?

She dropped her head into her hands and groaned. “God, I must have lost my mind.”

“Can’t lose what you never had!” Jules’ voice sounded from the hall. Rosemary had to stifle a laugh. Trust Jules to add levity to any situation, especially when it was sorely needed.

“Some friend you are!” She retorted, giving up the ghost and pushing her chair back from the desk. She needed to walk away, if only for a short while, or she would certainly go mad. And while she knew Jules had everything to hand up front, showing her face around never hurt.

Jules was perched on the edge of the front counter, a magazine laying half open beside her, when Rosemary emerged from the back. “You love my honesty, don’t lie.” Jules smirked, kicking her feet back and forth.

She narrowed her eyes, pointedly glaring at Jules’ swinging legs. “I don’t recall paying you to lounge about.”

Jules stuck out her tongue. With a roll of her eyes, Rosemary playfully smacked her in the back of the head. Mock outrage flooded Jules’ face and she reached up to rub the back of her head. “Oy! Watch it!”

Rosemary looked around the front room; a woman was browsing through the non-fiction section and an older gentlemen was holding two cookbooks in his hands, seeming to debate which one was worthy of purchase. Otherwise the store was empty. There had been a handful of customers in the morning but that had trickled off come midday. It was just after the New Year, and the lull was not completely unexpected. They’d done a fair run right up until Christmas and had come out ahead, which was no small feat. The slowness would pass, it always seemed to. Thankfully online sales seemed to be holding steady, so no matter what they would be fine, at least for the time being. But still Rosemary was trying, very desperately, not to panic. Maybe she’d been a bit too ambitious…

“No, Rose,” Jules warned, snapping Rosemary’s attention back into the present. “Stop it. I know that look. We’re fine. You’re fine. Relax.”

“Easier said than done.” Rosemary sighed, leaning against the counter. “I know,” she started again, hands raised to stop Jules’ protest. “I know we’re fine. I’ve been over the books and so has Evan. This is a risk but there is every chance it will pay off. I’m just having cold feet.”

Jules laughed in earnest. “You overthink, my dear.” She hopped off the counter and with a knowing look walked over to help the man with the cookbook dilemma.

___

With the front door shut firmly behind her, Rosemary collapsed, gratefully, onto her couch and let out a sigh of relief. Exhaustion weighed down her limbs and all she wanted to do was sleep. Maybe for the next few years. She sighed at the thought. God, if only. She refused to let herself think about the massive amount of work still awaiting her attention back at Stories Untold.

Groaning with the effort, she pushed herself up from the couch and stumbled towards the kitchen when her stomach growled making its presence known. It had been a long time since lunch and her body protested violently at her lack of self-care. But there had been far too much to do and eating had been the very last thing on her mind. She glared at the contents of her refrigerator; a wilting head of lettuce, a quart of milk, and a bottle of white wine. Take-away it is then. And a serious round of shopping tomorrow. Lest I starve and waste away to nothing.

With a handful of menus in hand she settled herself back onto the couch to sort through her options. She shook her head at her own laziness, but she hadn’t felt the need to bother with cooking recently. After her things had fallen apart with Adam six months ago it had been simply easier to call for a pizza or a curry than to spend any effort in putting together a meal.

It had been a mutual end; she’d loved Adam but it hadn’t been enough. His transfer to a company in America had only sealed that for her. He hadn’t asked her to come with him and she, in return, couldn’t asked him to stay. She missed him, missed his company, especially at times like this. He’d been great to bounce ideas off of and wonderful at helping to keep her grounded. They had been a good team, but in the end it wasn’t enough. So they’d agreed to part. It had been painful, letting go of the life they had started to build together, but she had done it.

She’d struggled, at first, to find her footing again. They’d been together for a year and a half, had talked about finding a place together, building a future; but it hadn’t worked out. She was disappointed but, in the end, hadn’t really been surprised. Relationships just did not seem to mesh with her life; at least not in the recent past.

When she and Bryan had ended, Rosemary had felt defeated but not heartbroken. She’d cared for him, but she didn’t love him and that wasn’t fair to either of them. She had far too much baggage and dragging him along had been cruel. He’d understood; he always seemed to understand, that just seemed to make it worse.

And then she’d been alone. That had suited her, let her work through her own issues and simply enjoy being Rosemary again. Adam had come along when she least expected it. And unlike with Bryan she didn’t try to fight it. And it had been wonderful, she wouldn’t have traded any moment of it for the world. But that too had come to an end.

She groaned and tossed the menus beside her on the couch. She was so tired that even thinking about making a decision hurt. Eyes closed she grabbed the nearest menu. A local Indian take-away. “Curry it is then.”

Order placed, Rosemary curled herself into a comfortable ball and flipped on the television. She settled on a baking program that was nearing the finale; all tension and action. Perfect.

___

Rosemary took a deep breath, to steel herself. It was going to be a long day and she knew that she needed to keep herself grounded if she was ever going to make it through. She closed the file on her desk and glanced again at the invitation to its right. The white embossed paper had been both the bane of her existence and a source of great pride.

It was to a relatively large local charity event benefiting children’s literacy and the arts. Stories Untold was involved in the auction portion on the event. And as such Rosemary was invited to attend. It was a great honor and would be fantastic publicity for the shop, especially with the expansion underway. She would have been a fool to turn it down.

When the invitation came Jules had wasted no time at all in dragging Rosemary dress shopping. She’d good naturedly grumbled as she’d been handed dress after dress. It had taken three stores and far too many hours before they’d settled on ‘the one’. A red sleeveless number with a modest hem and a daring neckline. It was far more than she usually spent but it would work wonderfully for the event. And she felt utterly divine in it, though she was loathe to admit that to Jules, give her an inch and the bloody woman takes 10 miles…

She glanced at the clock and groaned. The store was due to open in twenty minutes, Jules and Tyler, the shop’s newest employee, were manning the main sales floor, leaving Rosemary firmly ensconced in the back going over the latest projections for the next month and plans for the second location. They’d settled on a site and had jumped through the necessary hoops to secure the funding and permits. They were scheduled to start set up within the next three weeks. She’d already interviewed three perspective new employees and she had planned to leave Jules to head the main store while she worked to get the new location on its feet.

This is going to be a very, very long day.

By mid-afternoon, Rosemary was ready to pull her hair out. She’d spent most of the morning on the phone arguing once again with the shippers they had hired. Yet another late shipment and yet another flimsy excuse.

She had never been more grateful to see Jules standing in the office doorway. “Lunch?”

“Oh God yes, please?” Rosemary pushed herself away from the desk. She made quick work gathering her coat and bag. With a quick wave to Tyler, she followed her friend out into the brisk January afternoon

They ended up at the small coffee shop across the street; they had come across it several years before and found the sandwiches delightful. They always said they would branch out and try somewhere new, possibly the small bistro that opened a few streets down, but never seemed to actually follow through. Oh well, there was always tomorrow.

Sipping her coffee, she let herself start to relax. It was a false sense of calm, to be sure, but a welcome one at least. There was still a massive amount of paperwork awaiting her and then an evening of schmoozing and networking. But that’s later, she reasoned with herself. Plenty of time to worry about it later.

“You excited for tonight?” Jules’ eyes were bright and she watched Rosemary intently. She was nearly vibrating out of her chair with not so suppressed excitement.

Rosemary shrugged. “Yes and no.” She took another sip of coffee to gather her thoughts. “This is a big deal. It’s a fantastic cause and its great exposure for us. But the idea of spending hours in heels is not my idea of a good time.”

“Maybe you’ll meet someone…” Jules offered, wriggling her eyebrows.

“Yeah,” she shot back, “Or not. Really Jules, I think that after everything with Adam I’m ready to just be for a while.”

Jules nodded in understanding. “Fair enough.” She took a bite of her sandwich and looked pointedly at her friend. “But it can’t hurt to look.” She held her hand up to cease Rosemary’s protest. “I’m not saying you have to do anything. But looking…”

Rosemary picked off a small piece of bread from her sandwich and chucked it at Jules’ head. “Hush.”

“Never,” Jules shot back with a self-satisfied grin. “Not going to happen.”

___

Rosemary smoothed her dress over her hips and smiled. She felt beautiful, slightly out of her comfort zone, but lovely nonetheless. She was grateful for the hair and makeup appointment Jules had good-naturedly bullied her into making. She looked stunning. It was something that she would not have been able to reproduce with any level of accuracy on her own.

The hire car, she still couldn’t wrap her head around that, would be there in less than fifteen minutes. She paced around the living room, torn between excitement and panic. This was a large event and an even bigger deal for both her and her business. A bit of panic was warranted she tried to reason with herself. She felt a bit like Cinderella and she half feared what midnight would bring.

The gala was in full swing, music and conversation swelling through the crowded room by the time she’d arrived. Rosemary slowly sipped her glass of wine, watching the various people milling about. The auction was set to start in forty minutes time and she hoped the wine would help settle her nerves. She’d recognized several faces in the crowd and found herself more than a little star-struck. Well Mathews, she laughed to herself, here’s to not making a complete and utter twat of yourself.

She made her way around the room, stopping to chat with various guests and hosts alike. As she talked and carried on she found herself slowly relaxing and simply enjoying herself.

“Rosie?”

She froze in mid conversation with one of the benefactors of the event. Taking a steadying breath, she turned and found Tom standing behind her. His eyes were radiating warmth tinged with a sense of uncertainty and disbelief. She marveled at the picture he made; hair neat and trimmed, a fashionable day and a half’s worth of stubble on his cheeks and chin, glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, dark suit cut perfectly to his lithe frame. He’d always been gorgeous and time, it seemed, had certainly done wonders for him.

“Tom,” she whispered in reply. “Hello.” A small involuntarily smile broke across her features.

She’d found herself wondering, from time to time, over the three years since they’d last spoken how she’d react if she saw him again; what she’d feel. If she’d be happy or angry or indifferent. And now that she was face to face with him she couldn’t deny how, underneath the uncertainty and nervousness, nice it was to just see him again.

He offered a grin of his own in response and she taken aback at the way it seemed to light his face. She had nearly forgotten just how handsome he was when he smiled. “Hi,” he echoed, “I thought that it might have been you, but I wasn’t sure. You look incredible.”

She tried, but ultimately did not succeed in, fighting the blush that crept across her features. “Thank you. You clean up quite nicely yourself.”

The cleared throat that sounded behind her brought Rosemary out of her daze. She whirled around, apologizing profusely for her rudeness.

He waved her off. “Oh it’s quite alright. I see you and Mr. Hiddleston are already acquainted.”

She nodded, “Yes…We met several years ago. Though it’s been a while since we’ve talked.”

Tom smiled graciously and offered his hand. “Harold, it’s a pleasure to see you again.”

Rosemary watched the two men get reacquainted; discussing the charity and its impact and their mutual goals for the coming year. She found herself swept up in the passion of the conversation. She’d almost forgotten how passionate Tom was. No, that was a lie. She’d not forgotten more like she’d purposefully not thought on it. It was a wonderful sight, regardless.

Sensing that she’d lost both of her conversation partners to each other, Rosemary quietly excused herself and entered back into the fray of the evening. This was her night and she had every intention of enjoying it.

___

“For our next item up for bid we have a first edition of…” He held up said book, showing it to the room at large, “donated by Stories Untold, an independent bookseller in central London. Let’s start the bidding at…”

Rosemary found herself reflexively holding her breath. She glanced nervously around the room, feeling more than a little foolish at her ridiculousness. It was not like she’d be graded on how well her donation did at auction.

“Breath.”

She flinched, clutching a hand to her chest. Tom had settled quietly into the opened seat beside hers and in the process, seemed, in her mind, to steal ten years off her lifespan. “Seriously, Tom. Wear a bell!”

He grinned, “Sorry. It wasn’t my intention to frighten you.” He’d rested his hand over hers and she did not bother to move it.

“It’s fine. I’m just being ridiculous.” She shrugged and smiled self-deprecatingly. “How are you?”

If Tom was taken aback by her random question he hid it well. He simply continued smiling and rubbed her hand. “I’ve been well. Busy but well. You?”

She retuned his smile, “I’ve been well too. Shop’s doing well. We’re actually in the process of expanding.”

“Really? That’s amazing. Congratulations! I’m so very pleased for you.”

The conversation between them, though superficial, was pleasant. Rosemary hadn’t really realized just how much she’d missed just simply talking with Tom. They could, and very easy had in the past, talked for hours about anything. Knowing that wasn’t lost was an elating feeling.

The evening wore on around them but neither seemed to take much notice. They’d interacted with others around them but always seemed to gravitate back to each other. Rosemary did her best not to think too much on what was happening between them and what, if anything, it meant. She tried to let herself live in that moment and simply pretend to be catching up with an old friend. Because that was all Tom could be. No matter what her heart seemed to protest.

“It was lovely seeing you again.” Tom stood awkwardly aside as she gathered her wrap and headed for the door. Her driver had texted that he’d pulled in at the side of the building and Rosemary knew her fairy tale was coming rapidly to a close. Just as well. It’s gone midnight and I’m liable to turn back into a pumpkin at any moment.

She nodded. “Yeah it was, Tom.” And she had meant it. “Thank you for a pleasant evening. Take care of yourself, okay?”

He cautiously opened his arms and, without letting herself overthink the matter, Rosemary stepped into them, taking the warm hug he offered. It was brief and innocent but she couldn’t deny she felt comfortable in his embrace. That she had missed it. And that would certainly never do. Stop it. Just stop it.

“Goodnight, Rosie.”

#Tom Hiddleston #Tom Hiddleston RPF #Tom Hiddleston x oc #Tom Hiddleston x ofc #Tom Hiddleston x original character #tom hiddleston x original female character #Tom & Rosie #Love & Great Buildings

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adhdtoomanycommas · 5 years ago

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Emotional Abuse and ADHD

Ok, first real post on the ADHD sideblog, so lets dive straight into the heavy stuff. TW/CW for emotional abuse, gaslighting, and probably some other things too (please feel free to let me know if I should add additional tags).

I had trouble sleeping last night because my brain kept insisting I needed to start this blog, like immediately, despite it being clearly not an opportune time to do anything of the sort. Or at least, it insisted, I needed to jot down all the essay/ramble/whatever topic ideas I had complicated thoughts on so I could start the blog today. I managed to resist doing both of those things, and get to sleep eventually, but here I am. The first topic that brought this on was wanting to talk about my experience in an emotionally abusive relationship and how many aspects of that were exacerbated by various symptoms of my (then undiagnosed) ADHD.

I’m going to assume a certain amount of baseline familiarity with some terminology and whatnot here, if you’re confused by any of the ADHD terms I use here I recommend heading over to theadhdmanual.com and reading their very helpful “three pillars” articles which do a great job of explaining Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and emotional hyperarrousal (also elsewhere called emotional disregulation, I’ll be using both terms interchangably but won’t be abbreviating the latter for hopefully obvious reasons). On the emotional abuse terminology front, there’s a couple great articles on gaslighting on everydayfeminism.com that I recommend seeking out.

It is possible I am slightly stalling here by providing all this context.

At this point damn near ten years ago, for most of my senior year of college and for a good few months afterwards (I don’t remember how long exactly since adhd brains suck at timelines and I don’t feel like logicing it out right now) I was in what I later realized (with help from the aforementioned everydayfeminism articles) was an emotionally abusive relationship. My then-boyfriend, who I will call Al, was insecure and jealous. I had more sexual experience than him going into the relationship, and he used that as an excuse to guilt-trip, manipulate, and ultimately control me. I realize now, that the primary weapon he would use against me was my own RSD.

Whenever I did something that upset Al, (typical infractions included things like accidentally mentioning one of my exes, correcting him about something, “flirting with” --read: talking to-- any of my friends who were more my friend than his, or singing along to music) he would generally make his displeasure known by ignoring me--withdrawing all physical affection, coupled with the silent treatment. If you’re familiar with RSD, you can already guess how effective this was. If you’re not, then for comparison you should know that ADHD people can spiral very quickly into completely irrational “they hate me, don’t they?” thought spiral from something as small as a delayed text. Al would almost never tell me what I did to upset him, and in my guilt-spiral I would usually tearfully beg forgiveness for everything I could think of until I guessed correctly and/or he arbitrarily decided I’d had enough.

As an aside, he would often do this silent treatment toward me in public while being perfectly cheerful and whatnot with our other friends, often making it seem to others like he was just joking or messing with me. On one memorable occasion he refused to say anything to me but the word “spoon” with varying inflections for the better part of a day--a pretty skillful gaslight because to everyone else around this just seemed like goofy ol’ Al being his silly self, but from context I knew this was part of a punishment, and I couldn’t express any kind of being upset about this, even annoyance, without looking like I was overreacting to a dumb joke.

Ultimately much of what he actually did (or didn’t do) in public didn’t look like much to an outside observer, but he knew my (RSD fueled) insecurity would make it hurt, especially when I wouldn’t be able to address anything with him until we were in private later.

Also (and I intend to write a whole different post about this later) my particular brand of emotional disregulation takes the form of crying extremely easily. I cry when I’m sad, when I’m tired, when I’m happy, when I see something too cute to handle, and (most importantly, in this instance) when I’m angry. Because of this, every time I tried to address some relationship concern I had with him, whenever I tried to call out some of his shitty behavior or bring attention to my own emotional needs, it was extremely difficult--nigh impossible--to do so without crying. This gave him a massive amount of gaslighting ammunition--it made it very easy for him to say I was overreacting, overemotional, irrational, trying to manipulate him, et cetera. And it was hard to defend myself against that, even to myself. After all, lacking the ADHD diagnosis and resources about emotional disregulation that I have now, I had pretty much internalized the idea that I’m just “oversensitive” when it comes to crying, so I rationalized that I was also being oversensitive about whatever concern I started with in the first place. So every time a conversation started with me telling him he hurt me some way, it inevitably ended with me apologizing to him instead of the other way around.

Just to add to the already nasty cycle, Al also considered crying over something he didn’t deem worth crying over a punishable offense, so it often triggered the previously discussed silent treatment.

A third aspect of ADHD I haven’t discussed yet also played a major part in how I was abused--Memory. I don’t have a good resource to link on this one (I’m pretty sure there are some good howtoadhd videos on it on youtube but I’m not going to go dig for them right now), but ADHD people, on the whole, have terrible memories, especially short term/working memory. Mine in particular might be even worse for some kinds of things for unrelated reasons (aphantasia, which I might write about later but this is already really long and it’s not actually that relevant here).

Al was perpetually convinced that I was cheating on him, and any time we were apart he would quiz me afterwards on where exactly I was, what I did, for how long, and in what order. Any inconsistency in my account, or any “I don’t remember”s would mean he would accuse me of lying about the whole thing. I am pretty sure I have in common with most ADHD people that between time blindness and bad working memories, giving a consistent and accurate account like that is basically impossible, so this rarely went well for me. Just to further complicate matters, being accused of lying when I’m not is practically guaranteed to make me cry, and trying to keep from crying (to avoid angering him further) means I swallow a lot, and somewhere Al had heard that excessive swallowing is a sign that someone is lying, so again these various ADHD symptoms would combine to just make everything worse.

I eventually got out of that relationship, and not too long afterwards got together with my now-husband, who is wonderful, so that’s a happy ending. Getting diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago, learning about these symptoms, and figuring all this out has made this make much more sense to me than before. But in addition to my ADHD symptoms making me more vulnerable to these emotional abuse tactics, I’m pretty sure the leftover baggage from the emotional abuse may have made those very same ADHD symptoms worse, and while my new meds seem to help immensely with the executive disfunction aspects of ADHD, they don’t do a damn thing about RSD spirals or emotional disregulation. Healing and processing it all is slow going, but it has gotten a lot better over the years, and knowing now that even another aspect of this isn’t my fault helps too. And taking my meds today did help me motivate myself to write all this out, so maybe that will help as well.

I’m not sure what the takeaway is here, other than I strongly suggest everyone learn what gaslighting and emotional abuse in general looks like, but especially if you have ADHD or suspect you might have ADHD because we might be more vulnerable to being on the receiving end of it than most people. If anything I talked about here sounds a little too familiar, I strongly recommend reading up on gaslighting, and consider getting the heck away from anyone who sounds too much like Al. Maybe us ADHDers will inevitably get into some nasty thought-spirals or bad emotional places sometimes, maybe we’ll cry over nothing or worry too much that something we said will make everyone hate us, but if anyone tries to use any of that against you, uses it to get you to do what they want, or intentionally makes you feel worse, they’re not someone worth being around, and I promise you deserve better.

Not sure if anyone will read this, much less any fellow ADHDers because yeah, it’s a big ol’ wall of text and I get that can be hard, but if you made it this far, thanks for listening and I’ll try to go not quite so heavy with my next post, (assuming, of course, that I have a next post and this blog doesn’t become yet another started-and-abandoned project).

That’s all for now.

#adhd #actuallyadhd #rsd problems #emotional abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw emotional manipulation #gaslighting #tw gaslighting

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winterisakiller · 6 years ago

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Love & Great Buildings - Chapter One

Tag list: @tinchentitri @noplacelikehome77

Chapter: 1/19

Character/Relationship: Tom Hiddleston/Rosemary Mathews (OFC)

Genre: Romance/Angst

Summary: Three years have passed and a chance encounter brings Tom and Rosie together again. Can time make any difference or are they doomed to repeat their mistakes.

Rating: T (for now)

Author’s Notes/Warnings: This is part nine of Last Minutes and Lost Evenings. Many thanks to @redfoxwritesstuff for listening to me ramble incessantly about this story and being a sounding board when I needed it. You are a lifesaver, even if your stories break my heart.

This story and its preceding one-shots can be also be found on AO3 under the username: winterisakiller (sparkinside)

CHAPTER ONE

But another physical store?

She dropped her head into her hands and groaned. “God, I must have lost my mind.”

“Can’t lose what you never had!” Jules’ voice sounded from the hall. Rosemary had to stifle a laugh. Trust Jules to add levity to any situation, especially when it was sorely needed.

She narrowed her eyes, pointedly glaring at Jules’ swinging legs. “I don’t recall paying you to lounge about.”

“No, Rose,” Jules warned, snapping Rosemary’s attention back into the present. “Stop it. I know that look. We’re fine. You’re fine. Relax.”

Jules laughed in earnest. “You overthink, my dear.” She hopped off the counter and with a knowing look walked over to help the man with the cookbook dilemma.

Order placed, Rosemary curled herself into a comfortable ball and flipped on the television. She settled on a baking program that was nearing the finale; all tension and action. Perfect.

___

This is going to be a very, very long day.

She had never been more grateful to see Jules standing in the office doorway. “Lunch?”

“You excited for tonight?” Jules’ eyes were bright and she watched Rosemary intently. She was nearly vibrating out of her chair with not so suppressed excitement.

“Maybe you’ll meet someone…” Jules offered, wriggling her eyebrows.

“Yeah,” she shot back, “Or not. Really Jules, I think that after everything with Adam I’m ready to just be for a while.”

Rosemary picked off a small piece of bread from her sandwich and chucked it at Jules’ head. “Hush.”

“Never,” Jules shot back with a self-satisfied grin. “Not going to happen.”

___

She made her way around the room, stopping to chat with various guests and hosts alike. As she talked and carried on she found herself slowly relaxing and simply enjoying herself.

“Rosie?”

“Tom,” she whispered in reply. “Hello.” A small involuntarily smile broke across her features.

She tried, but ultimately did not succeed in, fighting the blush that crept across her features. “Thank you. You clean up quite nicely yourself.

The cleared throat that sounded behind her brought Rosemary out of her daze. She whirled around, apologizing profusely for her rudeness.

He waved her off. “Oh it’s quite alright. I see you and Mr. Hiddleston are already acquainted.”

She nodded, “Yes…We met several years ago. Though it’s been a while since we’ve talked.”

Tom smiled graciously and offered his hand. “Harold, it’s a pleasure to see you again.”

___

“Breath.”

He grinned, “Sorry. It wasn’t my intention to frighten you.” He’d rested his hand over hers and she did not bother to move it.

“It’s fine. I’m just being ridiculous.” She shrugged and smiled self-deprecatingly. “How are you?”

If Tom was taken aback by her random question he hid it well. He simply continued smiling and rubbed her hand. “I’ve been well. Busy but well. You?”

She returned his smile, “I’ve been well too. Shop’s doing well. We’re actually in the process of expanding.”

“Really? That’s amazing. Congratulations! I’m so very pleased for you.”

She nodded. “Yeah it was, Tom.” And she had meant it. “Thank you for a pleasant evening. Take care of yourself, okay?”

“Goodnight, Rosie.”

Next Chapter

#Tom and Rosie #tom hiddleston #Love & Great Buildings #tom hiddleston x ofc

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tiktoklover35 · 4 years ago

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Chapter 1: I just give off a creepy ‘I’m coming onto you’ vibe

A/N: This story is ongoing and in the making! The first couple of chapters I really just want you to get a feel for the characters and who they are! Please note that many people in my story are not as they appear in real life, for example: Tayler Holder is painted as a bad guy, and Bryce Hall is the sensitive best friend type. So please understand, these are characters in a story NOT the real people. Thanks and enjoy!

"This airport is huge. Where do we even go?" Kelsei looked at me and then looked around the massive LA airport.

"I don't even know, I texted Bryce and he said he would be at the front doors waiting for us," I grabbed her hand and pulled her through a throng of people heading towards what looked like baggage claim. "Ok, we get our bags and follow other people to find the exit."

After waiting for what seemed like forever to find our baggage, we finally found our way to the front of the airport and Bryce was standing there with Josh and Blake. Bryce held up a sign that said "Kate Everly" and Blake's said "Kelsei Green". I waved as my eyes met Bryce's and he ran over to me, picking me up in a big bear hug. He placed my feet gently back onto the ground and turned to Kelsei.

"It's nice to meet you Kelsei, I'm Bryce!" He hugged her gently and Josh and Blake walked over.

"I'm Blake, so nice to finally meet you both, I've heard so much about you!" Blake hugged us both, it was strong hug, very firm.

"I'm Josh, a HUGE fan of your videos Kate, you're awesome!" Josh hugged us both. He was gentle and more careful than the other two. It was like we were made of glass and he didn't want to break us.

Kelsei's eyes lingered on Blake a little too long. I couldn't tell if he noticed, but I definitely did.

"It's so awesome to finally be here! Ya'll are too kind letting us make the trip to LA!" My country accent wasn't strong, I wasn't born and raised in SC, but on occasion, it showed up.

"We're stoked to have you here! Right now it's just us 3 living at Sway right so we have plenty of room for you both to have your own rooms for the week. The rooms you'll be staying in are sometimes used by people who drop in for a weekend to collab with us or something like that. So it's perfect." Bryce smiled at me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "I cannot wait to show you ladies around LA, you're going to love it!"

Blake and Josh turned and grabbed our bags from us and carried them to the car while Bryce rambled on to me about how he started Sway and wanted it to become the most popular collab house in LA.

When we got back to the house I suddenly realized how tired I was. Jet lag was setting in and I could tell Kelsei was feeling it too. Blake offered to show her to her room and I gave her a little nudge as she walked away with him. Bryce grabbed my bag and showed me to my room.

It wasn't much. Four white walls, a king-size bed with no headboard, a small wooden table beside the bed, and a matching dresser in the far right corner. The closet was a walk-in and the room had a master bathroom that was a decent size. Bryce sat my bags on the floor in front of the closet and smiled at me.

"This is it! What do you think? I know it's not much, but it's clean and I changed the sheets this morning," he pointed to the bed and I giggled.

"That was awfully thoughtful of you, thank you. The room is perfect. I didn't expect to have my own bathroom, but that's a nice surprise." I threw my jean jacket onto the bed and sat down. Bryce motioned to the spot next to me and I nodded my approval.

"So, to be honest, I have ulterior motives for inviting you here other than just 1 week of collabs." I looked at him and bit my bottom lip as my eyes got wide. "No, no it's not what you're thinking, I mean you're gorgeous, but I definitely see us as more of friends."

"OHHH THANK GOD!" I flopped onto my back as he laughed.

"Was I giving off that vibe? I tend to do that sometimes I think it's because I'm a big goofball, but I'm also intense so I just give off a creepy 'I'm coming onto you' vibe. Sorry about that!" I laughed and smacked his arm.

"I was hoping that was what it was! But anyways, what did you bring me here for?"

"Well the guys and I have been talking and some of the best houses have guys AND girls. We want to mix things up, if things work out and you like it here and we all get along, we'd love for you and Kelsei to move here." I sat back up and looked at him.

"You want me to move my country bumpkin, country music lovin', square dancin', horseback ridin', cowboy boot wearin', hill-billy bonin' ass to surfer dude city California?" Bryce busted out laughing and I just stared at him completely taken aback.

"Yeah girl, why not? What do you have to lose?"

I thought about my hometown, filled with the same kids I went to high school with. I thought about bonfires at Ricky's house and trips to Myrtle Beach with Kelsei's family. I thought about homecoming football games and Clemson vs. Carolina games. I thought about dirt roads and watermelon stands. But LA was a whole different ball game. The air here was dry and the heat was...bearable, even in September. The traffic was horrible, that was apparent with how long it took to get from the airport to the house, a 15 min drive that took 45 min. As I contemplated the idea I realized I didn't have much in SC that I would miss other than my parents and they were so supportive that there was no way they wouldn't be okay with the move.

"I don't really have anything to lose. Let's see how things go, I don't hate the idea."

"I'm sure Kelsei won't either considering the eyes I saw her making at Blake at the airport."

"You saw that too?"

"Absolutely. He's definitely into her too. I can tell," Bryce smiled and stood up. "Well, I can tell you're exhausted even though it's only 6pm. Why don't you get some sleep and me and the guys will have breakfast ready for you in the morning?"

"That's so sweet, thank you! I definitely could use some rest." He smiled at me as he closed the door behind him. I laid on the bed for a few minutes staring at the ceiling and before I knew it, I was asleep.

________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning I woke up in the same clothes I had arrived in. My first order of business was a shower and fresh clothes. After I had managed that, I made my way out the door and into the kitchen where a distinct burnt scent was blazing through my sinus'. I found Blake and Bryce in the kitchen arguing about how much butter to use. I let out a cough and they both turned and looked at me.

"Kate! You're up! How did you sleep?" Bryce asked.

"Pretty well thanks. What are you boys up to?" Blake shook his head and Bryce motioned for me to sit down at the bar.

"Well, we're attempting to make breakfast for you and Kelsei, but neither Blake nor I know what we're doing."

"YOU BURNT THE TOAST BRYCE! TOAST!" Blake shook his head and sighed. "I may not know exactly what I'm doing, but my eggs will be edible." Blake continued to viciously stir the eggs and Bryce grabbed the toast and put it on a plate. Kelsei appeared from the other side of the house and sat next to me.

"Good morning friend and extremely good-looking boys I just met yesterday," Kelsei smiled and winked at Blake. His face turned bright red. Bryce punched him in the arm and Blake put some eggs on the plates. Bryce handed us girls each a plate first before getting one for himself and Blake.

"Where's Josh?" I asked.

"He spent the night at his girlfriend's. He does that some times, such a simp." Bryce tried to take a bite out of the toast which turned out to be extremely hard and inedible. The eggs were a bit runny, but not bad. Once we were done with breakfast, Bryce suggested we create some content and we spent 2 hours creating 3 different dances and posting them to our TikToks. After that, we went for lunch and spent the rest of the day getting to know each other.

Bryce was definitely a bad-boy. He pretended like he could get any girl he wanted, but truth be told he was still hung up on his ex Addison. He talked about her like she was some greek goddess who walked this earth.

Blake was playing it cool, but he spent most of the day just trying to get to know Kelsei. She told him about wanting to own her own gym and how she loved lifting and long distance running. Blake told her he loved those things too and I wasn't sure if he was just trying to connect with her or he was being honest, probably a bit of both.

At the end of the night, we met up with Josh at the house and all spent some time watching sitcoms and laughing together. The vibe was good. We could tell that we were all going to be great friends. All great friendships start this way, but they never end the same way they start. And our friendships with these boys would alter our lives forever.

***If you want more of this story now visit my wattpad:

https://www.wattpad.com/982581670-the-sway-girls-chapter-1-i-just-give-off-a-creepy

Thatwriterbetch

#swayla #brycehall #tiktok #swayboys #blakegray #noahbeck #joshrichardson #sway #tiktokboys #fanfiction #swayfanfiction #wattpad #story #originalstory #originalfanfiction

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walkingasparagus-blog · 7 years ago

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Of ace and aro muses in the roleplaying community.

(Warning: long post of rambling thoughts by yours truly.)

So, as I mentioned on one of my rp blogs, I’ve seen those “reblog if you’re willing to roleplay with an aromantic/asexual muse”. And while it’s always great to see people being accepting and everything, I’ve noticed a very recurring (and in my opinion very troubling) pattern when it comes to people portraying and reacting to the portrayal of an asexual and/or aromantic muse: and that pattern is erasure.

Which is pretty paradoxical considering some people do put asexuality and aromanticism forward by either headcanoning their muse as ace/aro or reblogging those acceptance posts. Unfortunately, from what I’ve seen over this past year in the tumblr community (as an aromantic asexual person), asexual and/or aromantic is often just a label that’s mentioned in a character’s about page and then... that’s it.

Never have I seen people portraying ace/aro muses actually explore their muses’ sexual and/or romantic orientation in threads, be it because they don’t necessarily think about it, or because they don’t find the right people to do it with. And I think this stems from one common misconception: that asexuality and aromanticism are solely characterised by a lack of sexual/romantic attraction; in other words, by an absence. While it is not necessarily untrue, it often leads to the false (and possibly hurtful) idea that if those orientations are just “absences”, then there is nothing to explore. At best, asexual and/or aromantic muses won’t be shipped, and that’s about it.

I think you’re starting to see why I have a problem with that. Actually, there are a few problems that I’ve noticed or experienced myself (I have two ace muses, one of them is also aromantic):

- If your character is not ‘shippable’, people lose interest. Shipping is such a massive part of the roleplaying community (I’m posting this on a day called Sinday, do I really need to expand?), it can and does put pressure on the shoulders of people who play or would like to play ace/aro muses. In a community where it’s very easy to feel ‘replaced’ and whatnot, imagine seeing people turn around when they discover you won’t ship with them, and go look for versions of your character that are not ace/aro.

- As a result, there are people who feel pressured to make their muses anything but ace and/or aro, especially when it comes to canon characters who have a certain popularity in their fandom. Again, just look at the fanart production and the shipping culture. There are expectations, and muns feel it. It can be incredibly disheartening and intimidating.

- As another result, if people do roleplay ace/aro muses (or with ace/aro muses partners), the character’s sexual/romantic orientation is completely overlooked. It’s not a question of “it’s part of them, it doesn’t define them” (which I 100% agree with): at this point, it’s simply not there. It’s completely invisible. It doesn’t impact their daily life or their relationships whatsoever, they just happen to have a lot of friends and no boyfriend/girlfriend/romantic partner. Again, as an aro-ace person, I’m pretty confident in saying that my orientations do have an impact on my daily life and my relationships. Sometimes it’s subtle, almost nothing, and sometimes it’s just slamming me in the face with a hammer.

Being asexual and/or aromantic (or on that spectrum) comes, like every other type of orientations, with a variety and a baggage of life experiences that are right there for writers to explore, yet it looks like no one ever does. There can be a million reasons for that: if you’re like me, maybe you’ve tried and failed because you’ve felt like no one is interested. Or maybe you’re feeling intimidated because you feel it can scare people off. Maybe your muse is allosexual/romantic and one of your rp partners’ muse is ace/aro and you’re not sure how to explore that so you just decide to ignore it for now. Maybe you really really wanted to ship with that muse, but when they turned out to be ace/aro, you were disappointed. Maybe you’re feeling intimidated or a bit lost because wtf does asexuality/aromanticism even mean. The reasons don’t matter: the point is, no one should feel scared of roleplaying an asexual/aromantic with, or interacting with one, and scared of developing and exploring this specific part of them.

Please, give me the asexual and aromantic experiences of your muses. Let me explore my own ace/aro muses’ experiences, and don’t dismiss them just because they don’t fall under the traditional umbrella of our shipping culture. Even within this shipping culture, there are tons of things to explore! Unrequited feelings, relationships with people in love but who don’t have sex, relationships where people have sex but are not in love, relationships where people have different expectations and have to negociate to find what they’re comfortable with, characters who are asexual but enjoy sex and discuss it with someone, characters who are sex-repulsed and also discuss it with someone, adult characters who have never had sex and/or have never been in a relationship and feel weird about it, characters who are that too but are totally comfortable with it. And more and more and more.

Please don’t make your character asexual because you see asexuality as equating frigidity. Please don’t make your character aromantic because they’re cold, distant, and don’t like people or have been brainwashed. There is nothing wrong with a cold character being aro, or a frigid character being ace: just don’t make one the reason for the other. Consider how those orientations will really impact your character and their development. In the end, what you’ll gain is a much richer, better thought-through character. Ace/aro are more than labels: they translate a multitude of experiences that are here for you to explore and write about. Please don’t shy away from those orientations: instead, embrace them. Be curious. Try things out. Whether you’re writing an ace/aro muse or interacting with one, don’t be scared of discussing or threading about those experiences, just like everyone else writes about their characters’ experiences as straight/gay/bi/pan/etc. And if you’re not sure about something? Ask around, there are tons of good recources out there about the ace spectrum, not to mention a ton of muns on the spectrum who I’m sure would be happy to help if you’re not ace/aro yourself.

Let’s try and make asexual and aromantic orientations just as fun and interesting to explore in the rp community as any other orientation. We’ve got nothing to lose, and everything to gain. And with that, I drop my mic, because this got wayyyy longer than I had intended and I want to cry /out/

#[woody's blah]

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