#me when steven looks more like his mom than usual

[little-worm-grant]

Night Terrors

Moonboys x You (Reader) 574 words / 18+ only, no minors

Masterlist.

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Summary: Marc isn't the only one to suffer the occasional bad night, they all do. Here are some ramblings of how each of the alters handles night terrors with you around. This will contain descriptions but nothing graphic.

A/N: A lil cathartic trauma writing after a bad night. I have CPTSD that's not too different to Marc's experience with his mom growing up. No matter how many years of therapy I've done to find my baseline normal, I still get night terrors every month. This is a damn sure better than what it used to be, but still annoying. It's one of those things I will never have control over and just have to deal with it. Thought I'd use my experiences to write how I imagine it'd go for the moonboys. Regardless of the things I write, I'm genuinely in a good place in my life. Healing is not linear. The worst experience to ever happen to me was my childhood and I've gone forward in life with my head up knowing nothing will ever be that bad again. Look after yourself first, no one can do it as good as you can.

Steven wakes up sometimes in a panicked wheeze, flapping his arms as though to get a spider off his pillow (it's just the shadow indent of where his head was that his brain hasn't quite registered), or just straight up flying out of bed in a scramble to get away from the perceived threat. You've learned he needs a lot of physical contact to come around and be eased back into bed. He never remembers these nights or what he's dreaming about. Laughs and calls himself a "right plonker" when you explain it the next day. He'll comfortably make jokes about his evening escapades. He panics when he's conscious, it doesn't surprise him one bit he also does it in his sleep too. No wonder he's always so tired. Steven deeply appreciates knowing you're there for him when he needs it. He'll pamper you and try making your day a little easier to make up for it. Scratch each other's backs and all that. -

Marc shouldn't be touched when he gets like this. Always a small chance it'll freak him out more. He's never hurt you, more like he doesn't recognize you and tries to keep you at an arm's distance to keep himself safe. You've never seen him so tense. Sat upright, shaken breath. Eyes wildly scanning the dark of the room, convinced he's seen something in the shapes he can make out. As though it's both your lives on the line if he's distracted from it. He doesn't look angry, it's not like that stern expression he usually carries... but more like he's seen a ghost. He's terrified of whatever may come out of the dark. It breaks your heart. You talk him through his logical fallacies until he's convinced enough to settle back down. Sometimes it requires a light being turned on for him to snap out of it. Come the next day, he'll brush off your follow-up questions of it. Embarrassed you saw that side of him. Marc won't often remember getting up in the night, but he certainly remembers what he dreamt about. He won't willingly discuss that in any detail. He thinks you'll look at him differently if he does. The day naps wrapped around you make everything better. -

Jake you've only seen out once in this state. The broom you'd moved out the way before bed came tumbling down in a loud clatter, and he was up in a blink of an eye. No staggered breathing or wild eyes like Marc. None of Steven's exaggerated or fast movements. Stiff as a statue he's up and staring off into the empty void of the room. It was more unnerving than the other two. You try talking to him but he doesn't acknowledge you. A tentative touch snaps his eyes to yours. After a moment, he seems to soften and come back to himself. Some mumbled strung-together Spanish you aren't convinced was meant to be coherent. He chuckles and drops back down into the sheets. Reaching out to pull you in closer. Soundly snoring a moment later. You're left perplexed and blinking. Questioning who the hell that was. Jake tends to have a very vague recollection of coming to and trying to tiredly explain his reasoning. He doesn't remember if he was dreaming. "But there's no danger, so there's no problem. Go back to sleep," he'd tell you, thinking you understood him perfectly. He can sleep better for it.

[roseetube]

art dump #14!! Steven on hw aus are eating me alive/pos

@pogostikk been thinking abt your sillies again :333

[saltnsugarbear]

Giving each other small smiles across the room with Conrad maybe friends to lovers trope

definitely not my best, but I actually love Conrad Fisher soso bad

word count: 0.6k

content warnings: none other than a silly prank!! bugs mentioned!!

You've know Conrad for forever. At least that's what it feels like.

Your mom met Susannah when you and Conrad were little. The Fishers have been a fixture in your life since then.

Meeting the Fishers meant meeting the Conklins. All of your mothers became quick friends which made all of you kids quick friends.

Being closer to Conrad and Steven's age made you part of this smaller group between you five. Being the oldest meant automatically having more say in any matter.

However being part of the older kids group meant you got to be part of the pranks.

Usually you had a blast with these. Helping Steven and Conrad scheme with how they could pull something on Jeremiah or Belly. Over the years you've come up with some plans that had been Hall of Fame worthy.

Some of them were intricate beyond belief, some were incredibly juvenile.

This one you're a little worried about though. It was mostly harmless, Taylor and Belly weren't going to end up in any harm, if just a little embarrassed. And this one ended up being Steven's idea, so you were prepared to drop all credit if necessary.

Steven had thought it would be a great idea to buy cookies from the grocery stores bakery, and plant a realistic fake cockroach among the cookies. His plan hinged on the timing and the girls wanting one of the cookies, leaning more room for error.

So with Steven and Conrad getting the fake cockroach, you picked up the cookies from the store and set to plating them in the Fishers kitchen. The two older boys snuck in the house with ease, even with the girls down at the beach.

"Wait, wait, lift one," Steven says, sidling up beside you against the counter. Conrad comes up on your other side, leaning with his hands on the counter. If he ever mentioned how you leaned against his shoulder, you'd say you never noticed.

You lift one of the more obvious cookies, watching as Steven tucked two cockroaches in between a few cookies. With the fake bugs in place, you put the top cookie back and make sure they're unnoticeable.

Almost as if on cue you can hear the girls walking up the path with Jeremiah. The sound of them getting closer causes you and the boys to scatter, you and Steven running to sit at your spots at the table and Conrad ducking into the mudroom.

You and Steven start some menial conversation while you wait, paying no mind as the girls walk in.

"Oh hey Jere," Steven says off-handedly before continuing your conversation. It's a minute before either of the girls notice the cookies.

"Ooo," Belly hums, spotting the cookies first. "Are these for everyone?"

"Huh?" You ask before looking over at her. "Oh, yeah. Susannah dropped them off before she and mom's went out."

You're playing the part of having no knowledge of the prank perfectly, complaining about your schoolwork to Steven.

"Oh, what the fuck!" Taylor shrieks. Belly squeals as well, dropping her cookie on the counter.

All the noise draws Conrads attention, walking into the kitchen and feigning innocence. "What? What happened?"

"There's cockroaches in the cookies!!" Belly exclaims while Taylor fake gags over the sink.

"Oh..." Conrad says, looking at the plate on the counter.

Without much second thought, Conrad grabs one of the cookies from the plate. One of the ones on top of the fake bugs. He takes a bite out of it and shrugs, "Tastes okay to me."

His laid back mindset makes you snicker. Your giggling across the room makes him perk up and look in your direction. At your amusement, Conrad grins, showing you the cookie still in his mouth. The overwhelming sense of dorkiness coming from him makes you smile wider, crinkling your nose at him. Despite this, Jeremiah and Steven make fake gagging noises, causing you to roll your eyes.

If there was one thing you loved the most about Conrad, it was that he knew how to make you smile. Really smile.

[pretend-theres-a-name-here]

Hide Your Heart pt. 2

Part two of the Steve has bad parents au Hide Your Heart

Cw: Bad parents (child neglect?? Homophobia)

Part 1 | Part 2 |

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It felt like his heart had stopped as he scrambled off of Eddie, “We gotta go!” He hissed.

“Steve, what—?” Eddie blinked sleepily, rubbing his eyes. Any other time, Steve would’ve stooped down to kiss the frown forming on his face. He just slapped a hand over Eddie’s mouth and pulled him off the couch.

“Steven!” His mother’s voice rang from the front door.

Eddie’s eyes widened and he turned to race up the stairs. Steve followed him, flinging open his bedroom door and unlatching the window.

“I’m so sorry!” He blurted. He couldn’t think straight, plain fear gripping his vocal cords and making his words strained, “Eddie, I’m so sorry!”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, I get it.” Eddie didn’t even look hurt that he was being shoved out the window like some shameful hookup. 

He didn’t get it though, so Steve kept mumbling apologies. Stopping only when Eddie was halfway out the window to grab his face for one more quick kiss, “I’ll call you when I can. I promise, they’ll be gone in a few days and things can go back to normal.” 

He wasn’t sure who he was reassuring but Eddie nodded, their noses brushing, before sliding to the roof of the back porch and jumping down into the backyard. Steve stayed at his window until Eddie had made it over the fence and he couldn’t see him anymore and then he stayed at the window until he could force himself to head downstairs.

Steve was never more grateful for the moon than he was that night. It was late enough that he could pretend to have already been asleep when he finally made his way down. He was already in a t-shirt and shorts anyway so he doubted they would question it. 

“Oh, Steven, there you are.” 

His mother was standing in front of the coffee table, hands on her hips and a frown turning her lips down. The mess, he hadn’t seen her in a little more than half a year and of course she was worried about the mess. Steve looked to the table, pizza box empty, two plates and two beers also empty. Shit, two. 

“I’m so sorry, mom.” Dead voice, eyes down, “Tommy was over to watch the game and I guess I forgot to clean up the mess. I’ll take care of it right away.” 

It was so easy to lie to her, it shouldn’t be this easy to lie to the woman who used to love him. She didn’t know that Tommy had dropped him nearly four years ago. She wasn’t there to comfort Steve through his first heartbreak or tell him he wasn’t bullshit after Nancy had done the opposite. She didn’t know that he was too scared to let the light bulb in the lamp go dead. It was so easy to lie to her. Steve walked past her after picking up the trash from the coffee table, he’d long since stopped holding out his arms for a hug when she stopped accepting. He didn’t even look his father in the eye when he passed him, standing in the doorway of the kitchen. 

“Never liked that Tommy boy.” His father muttered, “always seemed a bit…queer to me.”

Steve knew better than to argue, knew he should bite his tongue, knew he couldn’t raise his head and tell him to take his no good, cowardly opinions and keep them to himself. He knew it wouldn’t end well if he did that, so he just hummed.

“I mean he has stayed with Carol for a long time.” Steve regretted saying anything at all when his father stood up straight.

“Are you talking back to me, son?” There wasn’t a shred of affection in his father’s voice, but then again in all 21 years of his life, Steve had never heard his father tell him he loved him.

“No sir, I just meant I’d be surprised and quite disgusted if that was the case,” his mouth tasted like vomit, he felt like he was eating salt by the handful but he pushed on when he saw his father nod, “Anyway, I just felt bad for the guy. Haven’t talked to him since graduation and I don’t think he’s kept up with any of his old friends.” Putting other people down was usually a good way to get back on his good side. Steve hated it.

It must’ve been enough for his father because he left, trudging up the stairs without another word. Steve used the excuse of taking the trash, only half full, out to the garage bin to clear his head. Once he was safely outside, he dropped his forehead into his arm and took a shuddering breath. He wanted to cry, maybe he started to, but he knew he couldn’t take too long without it being suspicious so he heaved the trash into the bin and headed back inside.

He made his mother her favorite tea like he always did when she came back from these trips, chamomile made with milk instead of water and a splash of honey. He wondered if Eddie liked tea, in the year that they knew each other he’d never asked. He was back on the couch, back straight, one leg crossed. His mother sat with her feet together and hands curled uncomfortably around her mug. She talked about her trip even though he didn’t ask and he didn’t talk about his life because she didn’t ask. They’d gone to the Eiffel Tower for the third time, he’d never been just once. They stayed in luxury hotels and went fine dining every night. She told him of their plans to go to Bora Bora next but did not invite him or even tell him when they were leaving. By the time she went to bed he was itching to call Eddie. He followed his mother up the stairs and waved goodnight to her as he shut his bedroom door, waiting to hear the familiar click of her door before gently opening it and creeping back down the stairs.

The phone was in the kitchen, far from his parents bedroom but he kept his voice down anyway. It rang for a minute and he was worried that maybe Eddie really was mad at him, maybe Eddie was upset about being kicked out or thought Steve was ashamed of him. Maybe Steve was—no he wasn’t ashamed, he was just scared. He didn’t want to hide everything from his parents, least of all the man he was in love with, but the first time he was in a relationship his parents didn’t approve of it ended with the girl’s family being forced to move towns after getting evicted. Steve didn’t even want to think about what his father would do if he found out his only son was in a relationship with a man.

“Steve?” The voice on the other end of the line wasn’t Eddie’s, it was Wayne.

“Hi, Wayne.” His voice shook. He had to bite his lip to keep the tears at bay, his father would hit the back of his head and tell him to man up if he could see him. Maybe his mother would stop him and wrap an arm around Steve’s shoulder instead, he doubted it though.

“Hey, kid, it’s late.”

“I know. I had to wait for-I had to wait for my mom to go to bed before I could call.” He glanced around the corner, making sure the kitchen was still empty.

“Yeah, Eddie told me your folks were back. I’ll go get him, assuming you didn’t call to talk to an old fart.” 

Steve laughed and thanked him. He heard the phone thunk against the counter, listened as Wayne shouted for Eddie, smiled at Eddie’s faint ‘what?’ And blushed when Wayne shot back ‘that boy’s on the phone’. It was quiet for a second before he heard rustling.

“Stevie?” Eddie sounded really worried.

“Hey.” Steve breathed.

“Hi, you okay, baby?”

Steve nodded before remembering Eddie couldn’t see him, “Yeah. I mean no, obviously, but I’m better now.” God, that was so cheesy. If Eddie were here he could’ve seen him roll his eyes with a smile.

“They’re not too bad, are they? ‘Cause if they are, you know you can always come over. I don’t care what time it is.”

“I know, I know. I think I’m going to just see how the next couple of days go, though. Maybe it won’t be too bad this time.” 

“If you’re sure.” Eddie was always saying stuff like that. If you’re sure. Whatever you want, Stevie. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, hesitantly.

Steve almost said no, almost told him he didn’t want to talk about it but then he was chewing his lip and telling Eddie he’d lied to his mom and he didn’t feel bad about it anymore. He was choking out how he’d let his father say horrible things and how he’d wished he could tell him that his fuck up of a son couldn’t even be normal in the only way that mattered to him. And then he was crying about how his mom hadn’t even bat an eye when she told him she was leaving again and didn’t know for how long. 

Eddie listened, let him get everything off his chest, let him cut open his lungs and drag the words out. He listened and when Steve was done he told him that some people just couldn’t love their kids and it wasn’t his fault, told him that if anyone understood what Steve was going through it was him. And Steve was grateful for that but where Eddie never knew his mom and only had a dad to resent, Steve had the knowledge that his mom used to care about him.

He knew that she used to lay with him after he had a nightmare, made him his own chamomile and honey tea and pushed her fingers through his hair. She used to smile soft smiles at his child-like antics and kiss his band aids when he scraped his knee. He knew that she used to love him, he just didn’t know why she stopped.

In the end he was too tired to talk anymore, “I’ve got to go. I have work in the morning, but I’ll call you tomorrow. Or you could stop by Family Video, if you want.” 

“Okay, good night, sweetheart.” Eddie hesitated, “I..I love you.”

Steve’s breath hitched, heart slamming against his ribs. They hadn’t said it before, it always felt like an unspoken agreement that they both knew it to be true but they hadn’t said it before.

 “I love you too!” He had to remind himself to keep his voice down.

Steve went to bed, unsure if he had walked or floated up the stairs. He tossed and turned and for the first time he found himself hoping his parents would forget about him quick this time. For the first time since his parents’ work trips turned into luxury vacation homes in all corners of the world, he found himself thinking things would be easier if they just stayed gone.

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Fun fact: a good majority of this fic was pre written so I’m just going to my google doc, copying however many paragraphs until I think is a good stopping point. It’s an insane system, I’m actively losing my mind trying to plan chapters.

Part 3

[agaypanic]

Could you do something with Hyde (actually, any t70s character if you think ot fits better) and the reader whos usually feels like a teacher's pet. But they see the reader at a batting cage or something. Sorry if that isn't a lot, happy requests are open again!!!

Wear a Helmet (Steven Hyde X Forman!Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: Steven Hyde thinks you’re nothing more than Eric’s sister, a try-hard, goody two-shoes teacher’s pet. But while taking a cruise around town, he sees a completely different side of you at a batting cage.

A/N: made reader eric’s sister bc idk it feels right to me. Idk how batting cages work

***

“Are you seriously doing homework right now?” Hyde asked, looking at your work from over your shoulder. Rolling your eyes, you ignored him. You should’ve known that you’d regret studying in the basement, but it felt like the best place at the time. You didn’t want to be cooped up in your room, your mom was busy gossiping in the kitchen while your dad read the newspaper, and you didn’t want to walk to the library.

Eventually, Hyde’s stare from behind his sunglasses broke your concentration. You turned to look at him. “I know that all you think about is lighting up Hyde, but some of us actually have a future to think about.” You patted his shoulder teasingly and went back to your work.

“It’s just a question, man.” He responded, throwing his hands up in defense while waltzing over to his chair, as if the tone of said question wasn’t judgemental. “Only asked because Scooby-Doo is on.”

“Unfortunately, I have more important things to do than watch the gang expose another guy in a mask.”

Hyde turned the TV on anyway, flipping to the aforementioned show. Although you did have more important things to do, you couldn’t help but glance up every couple of seconds to see what was happening. 

Eventually, you had completely forgotten your work in favor of the show. You only realized how much time had passed when the episode ended, and you looked down to see that your homework was still half finished.

“Damn it.” You muttered, gathering your things. Clearly, trying to study in the basement was a bad idea. “I’m going to the library.”

“It’s seven PM,” Hyde replied, looking at his watch.

“I’ll get Eric to drive me.” And if he refused, you could just threaten to tell your parents about Donna sneaking into his room almost every night this week. “See ya.”

“Bye,” Hyde called out, reaching for the remote to change the channel. “Nerd.” He said under his breath.

“I heard that!”

***

When it had reached ten o’clock, Hyde started to get a little worried. Although, he’d never admit that out loud. You still weren’t back from studying, and your curfew was in half an hour. Part of him wondered if his distractions had pissed you off so much that you decided to leave home and not come back. You weren’t dramatic enough to go through with that though.

“Hey, Forman.” Hyde flipped through an old magazine to try to seem casual and uncaring. “Where’s your sister? Sneaking around with a guy or something?”

“Laurie or Y/n?” Eric asked, wondering why Hyde would be interested in either sister’s affairs.

“Y/n.”

“She’s at the library. Told me she would walk home.”

Hyde looked up from his magazine, which he threw on the table. He looked at Eric, completely unamused. “You’re letting your little sister walk around town this late at night? I wouldn’t even do that… I think.”

Eric rolled his eyes and stood up from the couch. “She’s almost eighteen, Hyde. And she said she’d call me if she needed a ride.” He started to walk up the stairs to the kitchen. “If you’re so concerned, you can pick her up.”

“Fine, I will,” Hyde replied, getting a little heated. The curly-headed boy fished his keys out of his pocket and went up the other basement stairs that led outside. After getting out of the backyard, Hyde settled into the El Camino. Just before he pulled out of the driveway and onto the street, he paused. “Where the hell is the library?”

***

The library ended up not being that difficult to find. What Hyde had difficulty locating was you. The library closed at nine, and it was now a quarter after ten. Hyde wasn’t one for walking, but he knew it couldn’t have taken you over an hour just to get home.

So he started searching.

Hyde drove all around town, peering out his window for a glimpse of you. He went to the Hub, the school, and even the water tower. Nothing.

When it was close to your curfew, he figured he should give up his search. You had to have been home by now; you were too much of a goody-goody to break curfew or any other rule. So Hyde turned the car around and started heading back home to the Formans.

“What the hell…?” Until he passed by the Point Place Family Fun Center and recognized your sweater. The wheels of Hyde’s El Camino squealed from how hard he turned to get into the parking lot. As he turned off the car and got out, he realized what you were doing. You were in one of the batting cages, swinging a bat at oncoming balls. Hyde didn’t know what was more shocking, the fact that you were batting balls or the fact that you didn’t miss a single one. “Y/n?”

At the call of your name, you turned and looked at Hyde, expression quickly going from startled to confused. “Hyde? What are you- Oof!”

Hyde ran to the cage and swung the door open, pulling you to the side while you rubbed your now slightly throbbing head. “You okay?”

“Why-” You wanted to ask Hyde what the hell he was doing here, but figured your possible head injury was the more important matter. Plus, it wasn’t often that Hyde seemed so concerned for your well-being, and you didn’t feel like ruining the rare moment. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Aren’t you supposed to wear a helmet or something?” 

“It’s more fun without it.” You shrugged, setting your bat on the fence since you figured you wouldn’t be batting any longer tonight. “Besides, it makes my hair flat.”

“Right.” Hyde nodded, rolling his eyes, which you could barely see because of his sunglasses. Hyde was the only person you knew who wore sunglasses when there was no sun. “Maybe you should start wearing one. Don’t wanna break that big brain of yours. Besides, I think you’re starting to get a bump.”

Your hand flew to the side of your head, feeling around. “Say you’re lying, oh my god.”

Hyde smiled a little at your reaction. “What are you even doing here? I didn’t think baseball would be… your thing.”

You shrugged again. “It’s a good stress reliever, I guess. And I didn’t feel like going home after the library closed.”

He nodded in understanding before remembering why he was looking for you in the first place. “Speaking of home, I think you’re gonna miss curfew.”

“What?!” Hyde had never seen you react so quickly to something. You looked at your watch, confirming that you were five minutes away from possibly getting grounded, and ran to pick up all the balls that you hit so you could put them in the basket. When the cage was tidy, you grabbed your bag and the bat, ready to return it to the front desk and book it to the El Camino. “Hyde, start the car!” You yelled over your shoulder as you ran.

Hyde laughed as he watched your panicked speed. No matter how hard you could try to seem like a rebel, you’d always be Goody-Goody Forman.

[thebearer]

honestly, thinking about the last episode and thinking about pete, and i am an honest to god pete defender.

like he is so good to sugar, and tries to hard to be good for her, good for the whole family. he knows how fucked up they all are, and he's just there- a little sunshiney boy trying to keep everything together. he has the best of intentions, he really does.

the scene with donna outside the restaurant. how he's just trying to do what's best and he feels empathy for her? he sees the best in people and honestly, i get why they're hard on him- he's not their usual type in the family, but pete deserves all the love and support genuinely.

just picturing your first true berzatto family get together. donna wants to see the new baby, so they have it at the restaurant. steven and michelle from out of town, jimmy, leo, donna, everyone- the whole gang. you're overwhelmed, especially when donna starts drinking.

pete just kinda comes and sits by you, while you're alone and unsure in the corner. you'd already been hounded with a million questions, carmen is trying to keep the peace in the kitchen, trying to check on you, trying to keep everyone from killing each other.

"how are you doing?" pete asks, sitting beside you, baby mikey in his arms.

"i-i'm good." you muttered, eyes darting around the room.

"it's a lot." pete sighed.

"it is a lot." you muttered, nodding slowly. "i mean, i knew it was gonna be a lot. carmy warned me on that but it's like..."

"so much worse than you thought it would be?" pete looked at you carefully.

"yeah." you nodded. "i, uh, i understand a lot more now."

"they're, uh, they're actually really nice. all of them, on their own." pete offered. "like steve and michelle, they're great, really. easy to talk to, always really nice, super fuckin' funny. and...and you know jimmy. leo is... leo's kinda a ball buster. got this dry sense of humor, but he'll be nice to you, a little invasive you know? but he's got good intentions."

you nodded slowly, eyes scanning around the room towards each person. "what about his mom?" you muttered, looking at the white haired woman nursing another glass of chardonnay. "she, uh, she hasn't spoke to me the whole time. i tried to introduce myself and she walked right past me." you tried not to sound hurt, carmen told you to shake it off, but it did hurt. that was his mother, no matter how he tried to play it off.

"donna is... donna is a lot." pete hummed. "she... you can't force donna. ok? she'll come to you when she's ready. right now, she doesn't know who you are. and as fucked up as it is, it's her way of looking out for carm, looking out for herself. just give that one time. she's watching you."

you scoffed lightly. "yeah? that supposed to make me feel better pete?"

"no. no not at all." pete laughed. "but, just some advice. you gonna leave carmen anytime soon?"

"no." you furrowed your brows, shooting a glare at him.

"then you show her that. she'll ease into you. i promise." pete said.

"thank you, pete." you nodded sincerely at him. "thanks for this."

"of course." pete grinned. "it's a lot and they're all too caught up in their own to try and help so... we outsiders gotta look out for each other."

you laughed lightly, looking down at the baby in his arms. he had the berzatto nose, carmen's and mikey's. "you're not an outsider anymore." you grinned. "not with this little guy."

pete smiled proudly. "i'm still an outsider. just got like a lifetime pass in." you laughed, reaching out to stroke the baby's soft tuft of hair. "you wanna hold him?"

"are you sure?" your eyes flashed to him. "i'm not great at it."

pete shrugged, fishing his hand sanitizer out and tossing it to you. "just don't drop him. i won't abandon you with him. promise."

you freshly sanitized hands shook lightly, grabbing the baby a little unsure, shifting the weight in your arm until it was comfortable. baby mikey gurgled, face scrunching for a moment, before he settles, lulled back into whatever rest he was in before.

"ah, he likes you." pete boasted. "must know you're gonna be a vip like me."

you snorted lightly, swaying back and forth with the tiny baby. "yeah. hopefully."

"you will be." pete nodded, his eyes cutting over to the figure by the windows. "judging by carmy's face, you definitely will be."

you looked up, seeing your boyfriend standing there, a water in his white knuckled grip staring at you. you smiled gently, nodding him over.

"they got you on baby sitting duty?" carmen grinned, trying to play off how flustered he was before, how his heart was skipping a beat seeing you like that.

"somethin' like that." you hummed. "pete just asked if i wanted to hold him. he's cute. kinda looks like you."

carmen scoffed as pete boasted. "he does, doesn't he! i told nat that and she told me i was crazy! see, nat!" he stood, going to get his wife from across the room, a promise he'd be right back.

carmen slid into his spot, leaning over your shoulder to look at the baby- his nephew. "he's cute." he nodded. "sorry you got stuck with pete." his tone snarled, rolling his eyes gently.

"hey, stop that." you frowned. "pete is very sweet, alright? he's a good guy, carm."

carmen could feel his shoulders tense. he was a good fuckin' guy, he knew that, that's why they gave him such a hard time. "you're right." carmen muttered. "he is a good guy."

"what were you two talking about?" carmen asked, letting the baby wrap his tiny fist around his finger.

"he was just telling me about your family."

"oh." carmen rolled his eyes sarcastically. "i'm sure that was great."

"it was." you said firmly, looking at him. "all the good stuff, baby. promise."

carmen blushed, resisting the urge to kiss you while his sister and pete came back over, pete exaggeratedly talking about how the baby did look like carmy and mikey and you agreed, which then brought jimmy over to give his opinion, stevie and michelle following, until everyone was around you bickering and throwing back and forth about who was right.

[slxtarchive]

HI I'M HERE TO MAKE A REQUEST

I have this idea going around my head for a few days, maybe a crossover outer banks x the summer i turned pretty?

Sooo, the reader is Jeremiah's and Conrad's sister and she has been having a crush on Steven for YEARS, and even tho Steven also had a crush on her but never did anything about it, ANYWAYS.

This happen the same summer that Belly has her debutante thing going on and Jeremiah and Steven had jobs at the club ok? So lets say.... The reader is going every day, Steven knows it, but he doesn't know why or where is she going after a while, at first he thinks she's going to see him.

But actually turns out that, JJ is a waiter there, and they have been hooking up since the first day she got to the vacation house (lets just say her family always got there like three or two weeks before Steven's family)

Maybe Steven sees them together during his break, idk?

I would always chose JJ so he can be the main focus of this but just for funsies i want a Steven regretting he didn't act on his feelings for her♡

LOVE AND REGRET

PAIRINGS. jj x fem reader, steven x fem reader

SUMMARY. you and jj have been hooking up for a while and one day as you were spending time together someone caught you two and it wasn’t pretty.

WARNINGS. nothing really just light making out, angst, and heartbreak

AUTHORS NOTE. this was so fun to do sorry it took so long! hope you enjoy it I kind of switched up the prompt I hope you don't mind ♡ not fully edited

you had just got out of watching belly’s debutant rehearsal. the debutant was in a few weeks. you didn’t know who was going to be your escort when the time came but you knew you wanted to pick who would go with you by yourself.

your mother, susannah kept pushing that either steven or her friend's son could be your escort but one annoyed you to the point where you wanted to drown in your own pool, and the other…well the other is not an option.

you’d had feelings for steven ever since you’d met him which was when you were little. you guys were childhood best friends because your moms were best friends.

every summer you’d vacation in cousins. every single summer.

you never got tired of it, but you did get tired however of waiting for steven.

you were sure he knew you had feelings for him but he never reciprocated the feelings back. so last summer you made a pledge to yourself. if after a week of vacation, you didn’t get any signal that your feelings were mutual, you’d get over him.

again and again, you waited but when you pushed it another week and got no sign, you knew you had to let him go.

you were hurting yourself more than he could hurt you.

so you busied yourself with other things. you went to the boardwalk with belly, you would get ice cream with some of your friends you knew from the country club your mother was involved with, and you even started going out by yourself.

you learned self-love and learned to be on your own which was a big thing for you.

so while on the usual road trip to cousins you were confident it was going to be a great summer. you weren’t coming in with the mindset that you’d be excited to see steven or be in his presence. you came in with the mindset that you’d be able to treat yourself and have fun.

as soon as you got there your mood skyrocketed. the best feeling was pulling into the driveway or the beach house and taking in the sweet and salty air.

“y/n honey can you help me bring in the groceries please?” your mom asked you. “you both too.” she looked at conrad and jere.

“yeah sure,” you responded getting out of the car and planting both of your feet on the driveway of the beach house. you immediately smiled at the symbolic situation.

my home away from home. you thought to yourself

you took the groceries inside helping susannah sort them out into the cabinets and the fridge and as soon as you were done you grabbed all your belongings and went to your room.

you opened the door with a big smile and placed your duffel bag on the bed and your staircase next to the closer.

you then ran and jumped onto your bed relaxing on the soft comforter. you were always sad you didn’t have the same bed back home.

“y/n! belly’s here!” your mom shouted from downstairs.

your face lit up as you jumped off the bed and sprinted downstairs.

you and belly were always the closest. not only because you were both girls but because you were practically sisters. both the same age, with only a 10-day difference between birthdays. you were bound to be inseparable.

“y/n/n!!” belly shouted as she ran towards you and engulfed you in a hug. “oh my gosh i missed you so much even though we were literally face timing last night.” she laughed.

“i missed you, ten hours is too long.” you pretended to act sad.

“beck.” laurel spoke.

“there’s my girlfriend.” your mom said opening her arms for a hug.

you smiled at laurel and hugged her next knowing who was behind her.

of course, seeing his face made you feel strange but it’s not as bad as all the years before.

“hi steven.” you greeted trying to act as normal as possible.

“hi y/n/n.” he smiled pulling you in for a hug.

he always smelled good.

y/n stop it.

you pulled away quickly trying to come up with something to talk about.

“steven…you should really start working out.” you frowned playfully. “you won’t find a girl in cousins when it feels like i’m hugging a noodle.”

“hey hey hey. i work out.” he rolled his eyes shoving you playfully. “yo wait where’s conrad and jere?”

“they’re-“ before you could finish your sentence conrad and jere jumped from behind him.

“yo what the fuck!?” steven jumped causing his mom to glare at him. “i-i mean fudge. my bad mom.”

“well, look who it is.” jere smiled. “hey bells.”

belly smiled and jumped into jere’s arms “jere!! i missed you so much.”

“oh yeah belly way to show who’s your favorite fisher brother.” conrad said.

i internally rolled my eyes. jealousy is a very interesting look on you conrad.

belly shied away at what conrad said. conrad ended up just messing up the hair on top of her head.

“guys guys guys. i don’t know about you guys but i think it’s time for a….”

“belly flop!!” the boys exclaimed.

you saw as all three of them worked together to carry belly out of the house and assumed to drop her into the pool.

you took this chance to go upstairs and change and get ready to go out into town or the boardwalk.

“hey mom?” you said as you were walking downstairs.

“yeah baby?” your mom replied from the kitchen.

“can i go to the boardwalk for a little bit?” you sat on one of the stools meeting the counter. you analyzed how your mom was making a charcuterie board of different cheeses. you assumed it was for her and laurel.

“alone? you didn’t wanna stay for girl's movie night? we’re watching la la land.” she smiled trying to convince you.

“i’ll be back by then i promise. pleaseeee” you begged.

“okay fine, also nice outfit i wonder who made you buy half of those fashion staples.” she smiled. you were wearing low-waisted flared jeans that accentuated and flattered your curves and paired it with a square neck flowy white flower patterned shirt.

for jewelry choices, you chose a dainty silver necklace with a pearl as the accent and medium-length thin silver hoops. you then had on your regular silver rings none too chunky and for shoes you chose your Doc Marten sandals.

“thank you, mom. i love you.” you went to kiss your mother on the cheek goodbye.

you then made your way to the front grabbing hold of your white bag you would take to store your stuff.

you brought an extra sweater just in case the sea breeze was a little much, the digital camera that your mom bought you to save memories, your blanket, a towel, a book, and your self-care bag which contained lip gloss, gum, a mini hair brush, a tide pen, eyelash curler, and your wallet.

your outfit: (i love doing this it’s so fun)

“hey y/n where you going?” you heard a familiar voice call.

it was steven.

“oh i’m just going to the boardwalk.” you waved and started walking off.

“and you’re gonna walk?” he raised his brow.

“yeah, why not.” you laughed nervously.

“you’re not walking, i’ll go with you.” he said grabbing his car keys from his pocket and unlocking the car. “get in.”

“no steven the whole point is to enjoy the walk and-” he interrupted you by putting his finger on your lips. “shhh…now now little y/n/n. you’re not walking end of story. get in let’s go! we’re wasting time.” he said.

it was going to be a long day.

“let’s go eat.” steven said as he was licking the ice cream he bought. you were also devouring yours, which he bought as well.

“he says after literally inhaling his ice cream.” you narrated his statement.

“what?! a man has got to eat to feed his muscles.” he kissed his bicep.

“and what muscles are we talking about? the muscle memory you have to eat?” you rolled your eyes. “let’s go to that one place what is it called? it’s more on that side of the town though. i forgot what it’s called. it was recommended to me.”

something something nest you think.

“just search it up smart one.” he said swallowing the last bite of his ice cream.

“that’s what i was going to do” you hissed. you went on your phone and looked up restaurants in your area.

the pelican's nest! that’s what it was called!

“found it! let’s go.” you told him walking back toward the parking lot. you climbed in his car sitting in the passenger seat as he climbed into the driver's seat.

“send me the location,” he demanded.

“a please would be nice.” you shot back pressing airdrop to send him the location.

he scoffed. “oh no i’ve been driving you around all day and i bought you ice cream.”

“doesn’t mean you can be a bitch.” you were pretending to be preoccupied on your phone. “and not to mention you quite literally dragged me into your car.”

“oh whatever i did not drag you, i just threatened you.” he smiled.

“oh yeah that’s better!” you sarcastically threw back.

after that, the drive was quiet and not at all long. you just noticed once you got more to the other side of town it was different.

“right here. pull into the parking.” you pointed.

“right alright chill,” he said turning the wheel in that direction.

“well you were gonna miss it.” you snorted.

“no i wasn’t,” he said in a way you could tell he was.

he put the car in park and cut the ignition. then you both got out.

“i’m so hungry let’s go.” steven groaned.

“yeah, i bet. you only ate the whole boardwalk.” you joked. steven shoved you playfully as you both walked inside looking for a table.

once you found one you sat down and looked at the menu. your mouth was watering when you took sight of the wings. your stomach saw it too apparently because it growled.

“looks like i’m not the only one who’s hungry.” steven smiled down at his menu then only moved his eyes to look at you.

you hated how good he looked right now.

“shut up. that’s why you literally look like-”

“hi what can i get you two?” the server spoke.

you knew what exactly you were ordering but you wanted to look for a drink.

“hey can i get the smoked salmon and the shrimp appetizer and oh! also pair that with an unsweetened iced tea,” steven ordered.

“unsweetened iced tea? maniac” you spoke.

the server laughed. a quite attractive laugh, actually.

“perfect and you?” the server then asked you.

“hi, can i get a…” you looked up to look at the server but you were interrupted. not by anyone but by who you saw.

you didn’t know him but he was extremely attractive.

“a…” the server waited starting to smile.

“sorry uh…a- i mean the wings please and then an unsweetened iced tea but can you put two sugar packets inside. thank you…” you bit your lip nervously closing the menu.

“yeah of course, your food will be right out beautiful,” he said walking away.

oh my god.

beautiful? your heart was beating out of your chest.

you didn’t know but steven felt a pang in his chest.

“anyways…that was weird,” he said and then started up a conversation.

you conversed, made jokes and jabs at each other, laughed, and ate but somehow the server was still on your mind.

too bad it was just a one-and-done conversation.

so you thought…

the next day

gosh, you were sweating.

you were currently at the country club sitting at one of the stools next to the bar area of the pool which wasn’t really a bar but whatever.

you were waiting for a server to give you a beloved icee. you needed it asap.

“yo! jj, you’re on im going on break!” the server who took your order shouted.

but…what about my icee.

“alright man have a fun break.” you heard back.

the voice sounded familiar. way familiar.

“remember, the ladies don’t dig the hair net. ditch it.” the guy told this so-called jj.

he laughed.

that laugh, it made your heart jump. you’ve heard that laugh before.

“icee for y/n?” the server, jj, called.

you paused before speaking now wanting to embarrass yourself. “yeah here.”

you made eye contact with him.

he was way more beautiful up close. his blonde hair flowed with the breeze that was coming in. the light smile he wore.

“you’re the girl from yesterday. the unsweetened iced tea hater,” he said sliding you the icee.

“y-yeah that’s um that’s me haha,” you said back nervously.

“i don’t like unsweetened iced tea either but don’t tell your boyfriend i said that.” he gives another smile.

i cannot let this man think i’m taken.

“my boyfriend…? oh you mean steven. yeah no. he’s not my boyfriend.” you looked down at the slowly melting icee.

“oh really? you guys seemed really close.” he shrugged tapping his fingers on the counter.

“yeah no we’re just really good family friends.” this was really getting awkward.

“so you’re single?” woah not awkward anymore.

“yeah, i am actually. it’s weird i’ve never seen you around here before. do you live in cousins?” you tried making conversation.

“no actually, i uh…” he cleared his throat. “i live sort of across the little marsh area. i just come here for work because i make a lot.”

“oh, that’s smart. well…will you be here all summer?” you tried asking with a flirtatious tone.

you’re sure he picks up on it because he grins pulling his eye contact on my face to the floor.

“will you?” he rose a brow.

“yeah, why not.” you shrugged.

“then yes i will.” as soon as he said those last words that was the beginning of something and you didn’t know what to expect.

july — a month later

“shhh you gotta be quiet.” jj whispered as he was dragging you somewhere.

you tried to stifle your giggles as much as possible while also trying to keep up with him. you tightened your grip on his hand as you ran through the country club halls.

after you and jj had met officially, you were going to the country club every day just to see him.

at first, you guys would just be talking day by day. after the first week you guys started texting; very flirty but also getting to know each other on another level. on the third week he kissed you while you were walking and exploring the club.

on the third week, you guys hit the closet where the country club kept all the party supplies like tablecloths and such. what did you guys do?

kiss. lots of kissing.

and today you expected it to happen again.

jj looked around to check if anyone was around before opening the door and dragging you in.

he closed, locked it, and turned around.

“you’re so beautiful y/n.” he whispered pulling you close and connecting your lips. “can’t get enough of you.”

you kissed back wholeheartedly. you’d really been liking spending time with him. only by knowing him for a short period of time, he’s easily become one of your favorite people to talk to.

“you’re the beautiful one,” you whisper against his lips. his cheeks got redder when he pulled back for a second. he then smiled at you and pulled you in for a harsher kiss causing you to gasp.

you didn’t know how loud you were being until there was a jiggle of the door handle.

“who’s in there?” someone said but not just anyone. steven. it was steven’s voice.

you didn’t know what to do so you stayed silent.

“i’m not dumb i heard you. whoever’s in there come out right now before i call security,” he demanded. oh god. this is not good.

“we gotta go out.” jj said grabbing your hand.

he opened the door and walked you both out.

your head stayed down trying not to make eye contact.

“y/n?” steven said. you looked up and he was paler than usual. “what the fuck?” he looked at jj. you could see the anger that was building up inside him.

“it’s not what it looks like. we weren’t doing anything bad in there.” you quickly defended yourself.

“oh so i’m just supposed to believe that you weren’t fucking a worker.” he seethed. he ran a hand through his hair and paced back and forth.

“we weren’t doing anything i just told you!” your voice rose.

“we really weren’t.” jj spoke up.

“no no, you shut the fuck up.” he cursed at jj. “and you…you are coming with me. let’s go. i’m taking you home.”

“what?! no. i’m not going home with you and you’re not in charge of me.” you shouted standing closer to jj still holding his hand.

“oh yeah? i don’t think his boss would be delighted to hear about this altercation. come with me now.” he warned.

fuck, you didn’t want jj to lose his job.

you looked at jj who didn’t seem intimidated but more like defeat.

“fine.” you spoke to steven while still keeping eye contact with jj. “i’m going to go but i’ll text you.”

he nodded and you didn’t know whether or not to kiss him even though you really wanted to.

you and steven walked out of the building steven striding towards his car at a fast pace. you were annoyed with him. why was he being such a jerk?

you both climbed in the car and for a second you thought he was just going to be quiet the whole time but then he spoke.

“y/n, what the hell. like actually what the hell.” he turned toward you.

“what? am i not allowed to have a boyfriend?” jj wasn’t your boyfriend but he was close.

steven gulped. “so he’s your boyfriend.”

“no but still what gives you the right to order me around and completely embarrass me in front of someone i like.” you defended.

“oh so now you like him.” he emphasized. what was he talking about?

“what are you talking about why are you saying it like that.” you were annoyed.

“oh no nothing it’s not like we’ve liked each other for so long,” he said sarcastically.

we?

“what are you saying right now? we? what do you mean we?” you were trying to understand.

“we as in us as in you and me. y/n i’ve been liking you for a long time now so i don’t understand what you’re doing,” he confessed as if you knew or could tell.

“you…no, you don’t.” you shook your head. you felt the familiar feeling of your throat closing up. you did not want to cry so you tried holding it in.

“yes i have and i still do and you’re over here completely disregarding it?” he questioned. as soon as he said that your emotions changed. you were angry.

you were angry at the fact that he was making you feel bad for how you felt. angry because he didn’t do anything about it sooner. angry because you felt all of the blame was being put on you.

“disregarding it?!” you raised your voice. “steven, i have tried my very fucking hardest not to be fucking heartbroken every time you disregarded me. i know you knew i had the biggest crush on you. for years i’ve admired you and looked up to you and my biggest fucking dream was for you to confess something for me. to reciprocate those feelings back but all i got were comments about girls from back home or…or something to do with ‘oh this girl is so fine’ and i got sick of it. i waited and waited for you to say something but nothing happened. i’m done waiting for you to fess up and i will not be blamed for moving on.” you were crying now. hot tears streaming down your cheeks.

steven was quiet. he knew he was wrong. he knew he took advantage of you and he knew you were right. he couldn’t blame you for moving on when he did nothing about his feelings toward you but make you feel less confident in yourself.

the car was silent. only sniffles and short breaths were being heard. until he broke the silence.

“i’m sorry.” his voice cracked. he regretted not making you his. he regretted not confessing his feelings and he regretted making you cry and he’ll live with that

after a few seconds, you spoke again.

“i hope so because with that i am ready to move on. i don’t want shit to be weird but i’m ready. i can’t keep pining after you. i really like him and i’m sorry if those words bother you but it’s true. i want you to find someone and for the longest time imagining that was one of the hardest things to do but now the thought doesn’t even bother me and i am so proud of that.” your tears were dry and a weight has been lifted off of your chest.

“i understand, i never wanted to hurt you.” he said. “i want you to be happy y/n and if that means pursuing him then i’m happy for you.”

you smiled. “thank you”

“you know i love you right and i want to see you happy?” he told you.

you nodded. “and you know i love you and wanna see you happy?”

“of course.” he grinned.

“crazy. heartbreak and healed all in what? ten minutes?” you laughed.

“sounds about right.” he sighed. “go back. he’s probably freaking out thinking i’m going to get him fired.”

you nodded opening the door. “i’ll see you at home.”

“see you.” he waves.

holy fuck.

[grapejuicestyless]

i’m rlly sad summers gone but like I have a winter request for conrad so we good !!

fem reader (conklinnn ofc) and conrad used to date but then had a messy breakup so now everyone is in college and yn doesn’t have anywhere to go because everyone is off doing something for winter break so she takes stevens car and drives down to the summer house and conrad shows up a day later and she’s freaking out. They both stay there the whole week and romantic feelings and nostalgia builds up again 🤌🏻

you can add some of your own stuff too because your soooo creative and your work is golden!! thank you:)

Peace.

Conrad Fisher x fem!reader

Angst to fluff!

Summery: After a hard loss, both in a relationship and with the severing of the ties of her past, Y/n must learn to let go in order to gain what she so desperate wants back.

Snowfall is always overlooked. People see it as more of an inconvenience than as a gift. Each little white flake falling from the sky seems like nothing more than a mushy ball of frozen water made to block the roads and keep kids out of school, but the closer you look the more complex they are.

What was once so horrible becomes something beautiful, something unique. There is no other thing like it, each flake is different even by one branch in the pattern. It’s sad how many people are so quick to dismiss it and pout out their windows. White was never their favorite color and the cold was never their favorite temperature.

At this time of year, I usually considered myself lucky. I had a family who cherished each snowfall and a mother who would have hot-coco ready on the table for when our red cheeks and icy hair would become too much and we would finally come back inside to melt and warm up again. Each winter break my younger siblings, Steven and Belly would be attached at my hip. Having an older sister who only grew more and more, our time together always felt limited. So we spent each day in the living room. Playing the Wii with Steven and Barbies with Belly. I would read with my mom and cook with my dad. It was all so perfect. My favorite time of the year.

I used to joke with Conrad that college didn’t hold the same amount of excitement around the season because people were just as bitter and cold all year round. I called him cold hearted too because he thought it was funny. He laughed and kissed me then. I wonder if he would laugh now. Even if we no longer shared a stocking and cozied up by the fireplace impossibly close declaring our quiet loves for each other. I wonder if he still thinks fondly of the winter like I do now that it’s tainted with old memories of us.

Usually, during the winter I would drive down to Boston. It took some convincing for Laurel to allow her daughter to drive so far in such intense weather, but she knew where my heart belonged. It was the holidays and she was just as jolly as the rest of us, so she would always agree. There, I would bring gifts for all the Fishers. I didn’t have enough money to afford gifts and college, so everything was homemade. Every year I would apologize, but Susannah and Conrad always claimed to love it. Jeremiah wouldn’t say anything, but the smile on his face was always genuinely happy, so I think he liked them just as much.

Conrad would take my mitten clad hands after. Even covered in thick wool he managed to clasp his hands fully around mine, eager to get me alone. We’d slip away into his room, my cheeks red and eyelashes covered in snowflakes and his eyes wide and smile full. Behind closed doors, we could be as affectionate as we wanted without gags of jealousy disguised as disgust from Jeremiah or swooning from Susannah over how cozy we looked.

I remember how I believed my hips were made with dips so his hands could fit perfectly in them. How his arm rested on my waist so tight, I didn’t need a blanket because he kept me warm. No fireplace or layers of coats could light the flames in my heart and keep me warm in the coldest winters like Conrad could.

He said summer was his favorite season when he met me, but now he favored winter because it reminded him of me. I asked what would happen if something were to happen to us, just to tease him then. He got serious, I still remember the look on his face when he told me I would always be his favorite thing. How winter would forever remind him of me and no matter what, nothing could change that fact.

It was our own little secret oasis. A utopia of our own confined within the four walls of his childhood bedroom. When it snowed, we’d play in the snow like children and when it stormed we’d make forts to watch our favorite winter movies. It was a dream I never wanted to end, I was foolish to think it wouldn’t.

By spring, it felt like he was tired of me, of who I was. No amount of effort could keep Conrad beside me. I became someone he wasted his time on rather than someone he begged to be around. My skin was like fire to his touch, his eyes avoidant. It all came to a head when I broke down in late May.

“Why, why am I not enough?” I begged him then, I wanted to know what my problem was. Why I couldn’t be more than what I was now. Why we couldn’t go back.

He shrugged his shoulders, looking past my left shoulder. He looked distant. He knew it just as well as I did, we were walking on eggshells.

“Because you’re just not.” His words were bitter, knives stabbing me through the heart and ripping out. There was no reason, he didn’t even try to make the gashes in my heart better.

“Bullshit. I do everything for you! I give you everything!” It came out more as a question than a statement. I wasn’t as sure about what I once believed so firmly now that Conrad was showing how he felt.

“I guess it wasn’t enough then.” His eyes were watering. We were already talking in the past tense, we were over. He didn’t have to say it, neither did I. It was as clear as the freckles on his face, there was no amount of mending that could pull us back together.

In my mind I could only remember those final words we spoke to each other. The first hour of our long argument was washed from my mind for my own sake. What should’ve been tattooed permanently in my brain was gone the second we were over. Maybe if I could remember it fully, each insult and every word he used to put me down and make me feel small, I would’ve been able to feel justified in my anger. I could talk shit with my friends, shit on him to my mother. But even in my heartache, I couldn’t find reasons to be mad at him.

Conrad always went through so much on his own. It would be selfish of me to believe that he was completely okay when things ended. It was messy and sudden the way it happened. He was the biggest dick to me, but I couldn’t blame him for what he did. Not then, not now. Part of me still loved him. Part of me would still die for him in secret. He was my first love, all I knew when it came to my feelings. I let him rule my heart, my decisions. I didn’t show up to Cousins that summer.

Now that it was over, no ties binding us together, no overbearing reason to drive down to Boston for the weeks leading up to the holidays where we’d all finally be together again, I have no where to go. Steven was old enough to be on his own now, a freshman at Princeton. One of his rich friends had dropped by within the first twenty four hours to drag him off to his families vacation home. I hadn’t even set up the Wii yet. Belly, my littlest sibling who I adored more than anyone else I knew was more distant than Steven. The stress of deciding between Finch and Jeremiah or some state school with the guarantee of being on volleyball was eating her alive. Back then, I would’ve told her not to lose sight of her dreams and life because of some boy, but here I was doing the same thing. I stayed quiet and let her decide what she wanted.

My mom was gone just like Steven. Away to talk about her book with other critically acclaimed writers and producers. My dad was out of the picture. He wouldn’t be back until Christmas morning. He was never really present after the divorce, but he’s a good man and he tries his best. He just works a lot. It hurts to not be able to enjoy the holidays like I used to, but I can respect why everyone’s away.

Somehow, I end up in Stevens drivers seat. I’ve never had a car of my own. While Steven spent weeks searching the internet for a cheep car, I spent my time studying for finals and applying to colleges. I never had the time. He gave me his keys before he left. He said I could take his car anywhere I wanted as long as I didn’t ruin it. Each dent in it, I would owe him ten bucks. It wasn’t much, but to a struggling college student, ten dollars in my bank account might as well have been him asking for hundreds.

“Belly, I’m heading out. Call me if you need me, okay? I might not be back for awhile.” The words I chose were ominous. I didn’t tell her where I was going, why I was going or how long I’d be exactly, but she didn’t care enough to ask. So I climbed into Stevens car and let my playlist shuffle. I imagine myself in the situations my favorite artists write about and sing along like I can relate to their upper class parties and juvenile activities. It keeps my mind off of where I’m going.

It’s not like I got in the car set on heading to the one place that once swore to never step foot near again, but when I recognize the signs on the highway pointing me in the same direction, I’m suddenly set on it.

The sting of the breakup lingered like a tattooed kiss, a reminder of something so special that was now gone. I wouldn’t let him ruin the place that was once so special to our families.

Pulling up to that driveway, I remember how the weeds would grow over the gravel by July and how Steven and Jeremiah would stay out for hours plucking at them to make Susannah happy. How the grass held the imprints of our small bodies rolling around the hills and daffodils. The sand was forever glued into the fabric of our favorite t-shirts and the salt air is what we smelled of until December washed it away.

We were always so close here. Despite the rifts and the problems that happened between us. Not blow out fight or silent treatment could ever separate the Conklin’s and the Fishers from each other for long.

I looked back on how I felt at home. How together was something that I never even questioned. Steven would be by the fireplace yelling at the television and Belly would be begging him to quiet down. Laurel would be curled up in the corner scribbling things into a notepad and dad would try to sneakily move the elf on the shelf.

We were older now. The wii wasn’t all that special and Belly longed for the chaos she once hated. Steven preferred his friends and mom and dad fell out of love so mom could learn to love her work more.

I pulled into the large house through the garage. I knew the code by heart, it was my phone passcode. I figured that if I wanted to stay attached to homeliness so badly I could be where I learned what love was the best.

In my head, even now I always believed that no matter how long it would go untouched, the summer home would always be bright and warm. Smelling of Susannah’s candles and Belly’s sticky iced teas.

Stepping through the front door, it was dark and cold. My breath was less visible than in the outside, but the light and heat didn’t bounce from wall to wall like it always did.

It took me a few minutes to find the correct switch to turn up the heat. I cranked it until my socks burned on my feet and a sweat covered the top of my forehead. It was comfortable, I could sink into my own chunky sweater.

It was my mothers, the blue and white striped sweater I wore. She was gifted it by Susannah in their late college years but it never quiet fit her because she was so short. It fit big, but it didn’t sag at my knees or gather at my wrists as much. It smelled like my mom and reminded me of Pennsylvania skies.

The warmth from the heat and the comfort from my clothes set me in a slump, my eyes drooped. I hadn’t even turned on any lights yet, hadn’t gone up to my room to make the bed. I was sat in place on the permanently indented couch. Though my body curled into the spot where I always laid during movie nights, my head fell where Conrad’s lap would’ve been. To imagine we were all just as happy, as close made me feel fuzzy. If I tried hard enough I could even hear his voice. Calling for me, like a dream.

The sun peaked through the windows and the dust that collected on the once neatly kept glass projected tiny shadows and spots across the hardwood floor. The couch was warm with my body heat and other than the faint whisper of the wind, it was peaceful.

A melodic whistle blowed through the open gap between the living room and the kitchen. It was smooth yet broke when the song grew too high for the deeper voice that carried the tune.

Rubbing at my eyes, my feet swung out from under my thighs, I wiped away any drool or signs of slumber. Still, clearing my complexion did not rid my body of the tired achey feeling and the small blurring of my vision. My brain was following behind my body, every caution sign to who was here at this time thrown to the wind.

Mugs clanked together clumsily, my nose burned with the strong scent of coffee beans. It was chillier in the morning here than how I had left it at night, I could feel the tip of my nose turning red and growing colder.

A taller boy stood hunched over the countertops, a spoon clinking around softly as he stirred around something in the mug. His shirt hung loose on his body but his pants fit just right.

His hair was wavy, but only just at the ends. Under the strong smells of early morning caffeine, I could faintly still pick up the scent of sea salt and a spice I couldn’t name. It was vanilla like but also had a lingering smell of oak and woods. It was my favorite smell.

“Conrad..?” It clicked in my brain that the handsome boy hanging around the summer home wasn’t some pick me up sent from heaven. The reason behind my instant admiration for such a simple, domestic task was because of how well I knew and once loved the boy. The name fell from my lips quietly, like I couldn’t believe it was true.

Spinning around, I met his blue eyes. I watched his lips twitch, fighting against some kind of emotion from spreading across his face and the light in his eyes falter. He looked blank, unaware of how his lack of enthusiasm of our reuniting was crushing me inside.

“Figured you’d want coffee.” He was right. He still knew me like the back of his own hand and that was the worst part. I hadn’t changed, I never would. He would always know me and it hurt to know I trusted him like that at one point just for him to leave. He even made it in my favorite mug.

A light blue ceramic mug that still had Belly and Conrad’s fingerprints in the clay and visible brush strokes across the top. They made it for me when we were still little. It was my favorite gift from her because they made it as an apology. For breaking my old vase I made for my mom in art class. They meant to harm and felt horrible, I cherished their kindness more than anything.

“No…no. I’m all set.” Crossing my arms and clearing my throat, I set my eyes on the ground and leaned against the doorframe on the wall. We didn’t speak after that, he didn’t move. Sucking in his lips, I heard him sigh almost disappointedly.

“So…” He tried to start, I was too scared to listen. Not of him, god I could never be scared of him. But of what he could want to say.

My eyes flicked over the dents in the floor, I discovered marks I hadn’t seen before. Just when I thought I had everything memorized. When I thought I knew everything, when I thought I knew him.

“You know, uhm…I think I’m going to settle in.” Nodding at him quickly, I all but ran to the stairs. My hands gripped at the banister so quickly, I felt skin pull skin. It tore just under my fingers beginning, the top of my palm. I swore I heard him call after me, but maybe it was the ringing in my ears.

I came here to get away. In search of some solace, I grasped at the tattered strands of my childhood to find that I had held on too long. In my own journey, by some sort of fate, I dragged along a deeper part of those memories with me.

I spent that morning stowed away in my bedroom. I left the door ajar. The air was chilly still, and the air dusty. The heat had rarely been used. Only on the rare occasions in which Susannah would find reason to escape down to the beautiful town of Cousins. Simply to watch the early snowfalls or sparkling lights decorating the center of the town. Usually when I would get settled into my own room in the summer home, each knickknack would be thrown carelessly over the bureau top and shoved in the forever empty bedside table drawers. I would procrastinate making my bed last. I hated the damned fitted sheets and the wrinkles I couldn’t flatten for days. I hated the way that the corners never stayed. My body stretched as far as it would go, yet I could never quiet hook the fabric far enough to keep it settled.

Today was no different. My blood boiled the same, but it mixed with an unfamiliar warmth. How endearing it was to be able to relive such a memorable moment of my summers again even after tragedy struck the once uniting household.

“Fuck.” The sheets flipped up. The full sized mattress was far too wide to allow my arms to stretch across the full width of its body and hook the corners over far enough to where they wouldn’t slip. Each move resulted in a different kind of release with the bedsheets. Each time I ended up wrapped up in the thin cotton sheets.

The clock ticking on my bedside table taunts me. Reminds me of how long I’ve been tangled around in my bed. If it weren’t so humiliating, I would’ve asked for help. But I created a mess. My feelings, one’s that Conrad had so clearly buried as he was able to be kind and cordial towards me while I panicked like a fish out of water. So I hop around from corner to corner desperate to finish my task.

“Y/n?” The name burns the way it rolls off of his tongue. Like even with me gone, he had practiced pronouncing it in the mirror, whispered it to himself each night. It was like we’d seen each other the day before, the way it came out. Breathless and light.

The moon hung over the house, illuminating thin strips of shine through the windows that led from the floor to the very bed I was sprawled across.

Sighing heavily, I threw my head back. Hair fell in front of my face, tickling the bridge of my nose. I saw Conrad hesitate. His hand flinched out from where it was tucked behind the doorframe. He set it on the white wood frame.

“Can I help?” It was innocent enough. Maybe he was sick of the sound of my knees rubbing against the mattress. Or the way I grunted every few minutes. I stumbled around my room all day fixing it up, I almost forgot how loud it could’ve been.

It felt sour to accept it. Even if it were as innocent and kind as it seemed. Conrad had a glimmer of hope in his eye and his lips upturned. He looked so handsome still, nose pinker from the slight chill and eyes still just as deep blue.

“No thank you.” I huffed. I tried to sound annoyed, something that was hard to do when you weren’t really all that annoyed at all. Resistant was the only similar thing I could place a name to. I saw the wag Conrad’s smile faltered, his eyes looming with a dark shadow, masking the vibrant sparkle.

“Come on, don’t be so stubborn, please? You’ve been at it for hours, just let me help.” Stubborn. Just like my mother and his. Each of us were always set to do things on our own. But this was far more than just genetics at this point. This was my own grudge I was holding. This was my pride and my responsibility over my emotions acting. No matter how nice the gesture, I still refused, gnashing my teeth.

“Oh, so suddenly you care?” It was a lot more mean than I meant it. I know how much Conrad cares. How much he always has. He doesn’t have the best way to show for it, but in the end you always know it. It was a mistake, an instant regret. I watched how his face contorted. He wasn’t just disappointed now, but genuinely hurt by my own dig at his insecurities.

His whole life, Conrad always feared he wasn’t enough. He couldn’t give enough, couldn’t be enough. He always talked himself down, creating a false standard in which everyone else was above him, out of his league. He was insecure. He didn’t need reassurance, he knew what kind of love was real and what was fake, but the fact that maybe I had thought the same crushed him. I could tell.

His silence hung over us so heavy, a knife could slice it. His jaw stuttered and his eyes blinked slow. A loss for words. I wish he could just yell at me. Fuel my fire, make me feel less bad about what I said. Less guilty about the fact I couldn’t get over us when he could. Conrad didn’t deserve my emotional daggers directed at his heart simply because we split. I know Conrad, I always have. His method of leaving was cruel, but the boys heart was in the right place always.

“Fuck!” The sheet snapped back. I had enough. In all seriousness, I should’ve stopped to talk to the boy who was so clearly hurt by the door. A girl, a guest in a house that once felt just as much as hers as his was there in a now occupied room throwing insults unprovoked when he was trying to be nice.

Standing, I stumbled past him clumsily again, taking a spare blanket that hung off the end of the bed with me. I couldn’t take it. His stares, the silence, the sheet, my own guilt, my thoughts. I needed to be out of that sickened room.

“Y/n…” Again, the call was faint. A whisper in my head whose only goal was to make me stop. I didn’t turn. It was unfair, the whole thing. To me, to Conrad. I decided to sleep on the couch.

My back ached. The plush cushioning under my back too soft, too worn in. A good remedy, a great place for a quick nap. But it hurt after more than a few hours. The fabric rubbed harshly, the pillows sunk in. My hips popped when I stood.

The sun was shining through the windows, air crisp. Heat finally reached all corners of the large house and the cob webs were finally swept away. The magic of summer wasn’t there, but it felt homely. A good alternative to the sad loneliness of my own bedroom at home.

The house was still, the kitchen untouched and an empty mug in the sink. It was stained in a ring from where the old drink had been and had little brown streaks from where the coffee dripped off of the sides. The counter tops were cold, despite the heat inside. The floor was quiet, there was no shuffling. It led me to believe that the only other occupant was still asleep.

Heading up the stairs, I picked at my old clothes. The discomfort came from multiple things. The way my clothes stuck to my body, my teeth didn’t feel right in my mouth. My hair was knotted. I looked fine, but nothing felt right. The only way to describe it was that when waking up after a rough couple of nights, it felt like my skin didn’t fit right over my bones.

My door was wide open. The hinges bent all the way back, the light bled through the curtains. My already slow steps came to a halt when the threshold fell behind my legs. My bed was decorated with the same blue floral design it always had during the summers.

The pillows were placed where I always had them, and my blankets were hung so neat on the bottom of my bed. My fingers ran over the soft fabric like it wasn’t really mine. Like I was admiring a sample from a store, wishing it were mine. It was always so pretty.

My thumb hooked over the folded edge very carefully. I didn’t want to mess with the perfectly made bed. More importantly, I didn’t want to crease the remaining hand prints that laid in the center of the bed.

The plushy duvet left residue from bigger hands. Spread along the bends, from the center down. Proof that someone had truly tried their best to perfect it.

Looking under the top, not only had each layer been placed, but the fitted sheet. I could see it now with all its layers peeled back. The thought that even after my initial attempts to push away, to be mean, to hurt him, that Conrad had still wanted to help me made me feel warm. I wasn’t sure why my heart was fluttering for a boy I swore I hated. But my cheeks were red and my knees felt weak. I always did love his acts of service.

I didn’t plan on showering, but my skin was sticky with sleep and my heart was pounding too fast. I hated the fact that Conrad was too good for everyone in his own special ways. I hated the way he still cared and the way he remained so observant even in our absence. Most of all, I hate the way I reach for his shampoo in the shower. Longing for the scent of him to linger on me for just a little longer. How funny it is that we’ve changed so quickly and yet not at all. We used to share our hair products. He kept a hair tie for me in his bedside table. I had a drawer of clothes in his room, he had some in my closet. He went from my everything to just something in my life. Yet, with all this change I still reach for the familiarities of what we once had. My hand still searches the shower for his conditioner. My feet still take me to his door to find a shirt I like. What we had is gone, crushed under the weight of our separation, but my muscle memory pulls me back. The heart is a muscle, one that forever beats for Conrad Fisher.

I sit in the corner for longer than I lather the soap across my skin. My body is curled up against the cold tiles. I feel pathetic doing so. How small I’ve made myself. Not only mentally, but physically. I feel weak at how little self control I have. I think back on the past year of my life and I regret each decision I’ve made leading me here suddenly.

Was I not enough for Conrad? I know it’s not his reasoning behind his leaving, but I feel like the theory becomes more and more plausible the longer I think back on how lonely I’ve been. So stuck on my own problems, I forget how little I see my family. How Belly has grown without me. Her friends, her lovers. She is independent, she knows her path. Steven has matured. He understands feelings, he’s valedictorian. His brains lead him through life, he no longer comes to me at midnight to ask for help with math. I no longer review his essays or read his made up stories in the living room. We are two different siblings who once spent every moment together. My mother is nose deep in her own promotion with her books. She is succeeding while my father is going on dates and moving on. I am stuck in the same spot, forever thinking of the past, I can not move on.

I am scared by the knowledge that my family is no longer dependent on me. A scab is forming over the wound of the fact that Conrad has left, I am not needed. I hope the warm water fading into a cooler drizzle will hide the way my eyes are puffy and red. The streaks of water on cheeks will become streams of the shower. I am strong and resistant like my parents, but I am scared to admit that I have real fears. Ones that control my life. I will never tell them how I breakdown, how my heart is breaking and I am falling off the pedestal.

It’s more lively now then it was just an hour ago. The birds are gone, on vacation away in the warmer weather while the cold covers New England in a chilling blanket. I hear the mugs clattering from the hallways and the soft humming passing through his pink lips. He hears me before he sees me.

“Coffee?” He motioned to the brown liquid, steaming while it poured into the glass pitcher. Rubbing beneath my eyes, I could feel the weight of my eye bags heavy on my skin. My throat was coarse, hands aching from how hard I had grasped onto the shower walls. I hid behind the island counter on the stool. My body curled up into the baggy clothes covering my body, my knees hugging into my chest as close as possible.

“Yes, please.” I mumbled softly, trying not to show any weaknesses. Conrad knew me better than that. The way my lip twitched into a fake smile, how my eyes were more avoidant that usual. Even in my heavy feelings, my eyes were always drawn to him. I was closing myself off.

A beat passed. Conrad’s attempt at conversation had fallen short, right by my feet.

“How’d you sleep?” He turned to me, freshly brewed coffee sloshing around in the same mug as yesterday. He placed it in front of me, but he turned away again to pour his own cup. It wasn’t to further distance himself, creating a divide all while I was shutting down, but to give me room to breathe in a space I was so clearly suffocating in.

“It was okay.” I sighed, hand holding my head, my eyes closed. I imagined myself laid with my back pressed against plush pillows and my childhood bedroom fairy lights hanging over my head. It was still winter, but the atmosphere in my daydream felt of summer.

“I’m glad, then. That it wasn’t so bad, I mean.” He corrected himself, afraid of a wrath inside of me that didn’t exist to him anymore. It never really had, my emotions had only been misplaced yesterday.

Often I’ve been told that my words shoot to kill when I’m mad. I insult and belittle myself more than others, but my mother has no problem with bringing up the few times I targeted my feelings at Steven or Belly. How little I made them feel, how guilty I felt. I threw up once, after yelling at Steven. He hadn’t cared for it, fighting was what siblings did. But remembering how I tried to hurt him made me sick. I felt the same after insulting Conrad.

Nodding my head, I pursed my lips into a thin line. My eyes blinked away any dryness, I inhaled a deep breath.

“Hey, uhm…thank you, by the way.” I pulled the sleeves of my sweater over my hands, hovering over the cup of coffee to revel in the hot steam hitting my face.

Conrad turned around, leaning against the counter. His hands pressed up behind him, firm but his face was soft, glad.

“I shouldn’t have…you didn’t deserve that.” My eyes flickered between the floor and the folding of my sleeves over my thumbs. My skin was cold, my hair wet on the back of my neck. I had a lump in my throat.

“Y/n?” His voice was gentle, closer than before. I saw his elbows press against the counter top, just mere inches away. I felt even more awkward, littler than before somehow.

I hummed. But the coarseness in my throat made it come out as more of a rumble. I choked on the growing lump, my nose burned.

“We don’t have to avoid each other.” He said it like that was so easy. Like everything was resolved by him simply stating that he didn’t want to face the consequences of our actions.

“I know.” I brought the edge of the mug to my lips and blew. Steam clouded my vision, the wet heat felt nice on my cheeks.

“Y/n.” He said more firmly.

He wasn’t angry, but he wanted my attention. My eyes flickered up to his. They were darker now. Swarmed with so many emotions, it was hard to grasp onto what he was feeling. I set the mug down.

“Please don’t avoid me.” He begged more softly, his hand hesitated to reach out to me. Once they clasped around mine, it was almost relieving. Having something familiar to ground me while I was only working myself up. “I miss you, I miss us. We were best friends and we haven’t even spoken in…I don’t even know how long. This, this is stupid. To be running in circles like this?”

“That’s easy for you to say.” This time, my words weren’t angry. They broke apart when I spoke. The sentence was raw, the lump in my throat broke through my clenched teeth and my nose heated up in an intense burn. My eyes were heavy, working hard to keep any tears at bay. Again, here I find myself in a different spot, practicing the same habits. I stand in front of Conrad angry, ready to hurt his ego and pierce a hole through his heart just to ease my own mind.

I wanted exactly what he did, to be as close. I missed him more than anything in my life ever, but it wasn’t so simple. He pleaded my name again, I pulled my hands out of his. His fingers were like a barbed wire. It suddenly stung to have him touching me.

“I just wish you would’ve acknowledged it, you know? I mean look at me, look at us. You’re fine, you’re happy. I can’t even look at you without wanting to cry.” When our hearts broke, they broke uneven. Conrad was left with a bruise why I was facing the pain of a bleeding scar across my own. He had been the one to cause the rift, he had been the one to bring up everyone’s insecurities, use them against our relationship.

“Y/n.” He whispered, reaching out to me again. I stood from the stool, keeping my distance. My tears were hot, they burned into my skin.

“You couldn’t even stand me, Conrad! And I couldn’t see it before, but I can now. You couldn’t even text me, no. No, but that’s not the worst part. Maybe it’s the fact that you couldn’t even show up to Stevens graduation because I was there.” He sighed, ready to defend himself. I look back on all the disappointed faces, I remember the way Steven frowned at that empty seat beside me and I feel angry.

“Do you know how hard it is to tell your baby brother that his hero couldn’t make it to his graduation because he can’t even stand to be around me? Do you know how sad he was when he started to walk up to the podium and saw your seat was empty? I recorded it and sent it to you, did you know that? I wasn’t going to, I didn’t think you deserved to have a part in one of the most important parts in Stevens life, but he begged me to. Tried to make me send it twice so you’d get it.” I took a deep breath, wiping away the tears by my eyes, more spilled. My face was wet with salt water and red with anger.

“So why don’t we go back to how things were before after you’ve fucked it all up!”

“It’s really fucking unfair of you to act like this hasn’t affected me at all either!” He finally shot back. He was never one to yell. Conrad always had some sort of control over his composure. He never yelled, he hated yelling.

“How, how can you say that after you’ve done nothing to fix anything!” Walking closer to him, I saw how he turned away to grip the counter between his fingers.

“People deal with shit differently, Y/n. Grow up!” He yelled. His eyes were wild, it should’ve scared me. But god, him telling me to grow up after all he put me through only made me angrier. I was fragile already. But not as a flower, but a bomb.

“Fuck you, Conrad.” My voice was shaky, but firm. I didn’t yell, my lack of volume was almost scarier than my inevitable rage. He looked up at me, it was like watching him realize how his words had betrayed him. He hadn’t meant for us to fight, to talk like this. He wanted to fix things. He wanted me back.

“Y/n.” He shook his head, walking closer to me, he bent away from the edges of the island to reach me quicker. His voice was laced with pity

“Stop saying my name!” I backed away, feet catching on the threshold, I slowed myself down. Each time he said it, it pulled on my heartstrings. How could he be so selfish to not even be able to see all the pain I’ve been put through!

“I’ve missed you ever since I left you! You think I don’t regret the way I treated you? I’m not naïve to my own stupidity, I know my mistakes, I’ve owned them. You were my everything, god you might as well have hung the stars!” He waved his hands around to animate what he was saying. It only stresses me out more.

“Then why? Why did you throw it all away!” My body began to crumble beneath me, my knees wobbled.

“Because I was scared! I was scared of losing you. I thought if I let myself become too obsessed, that if you decided to leave me I would never be able to get back up. I had to do it!” He confessed. It all made sense then. All my unanswered questions, all my insecurities of not being enough. Conrad hadn’t left because I couldn’t give him what he wanted. He left because he was scared of what would happen when I was gone. That he wasn’t enough.

“I wouldn’t have left you, Conrad. I wouldn’t have.” My palms hit my eyes, my knees started to give. A sob ripped through my throat. It hurt to breathe.

His arms were like a blanket. His hands still fit perfectly around my back. When he held me, it was tight. I knew it then that he wouldn’t be letting me go, not now. His shirt was wet with my tears, mine was wet with my hair. I felt stupid, naïve to think of Conrad in such bad ways when he had only been doing what he thought was best to protect his heart after loss after loss.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I repeated it like a prayer, I didn’t mean to be so mean. I didn’t want to be rude to him, I wanted him to be close to me always. His heart was beating out of his chest when he nodded. He knew I never meant to fight him. We were both entitled to our feelings, there was no reason in trying to apologize for how we reacted.

His hand lifted to my head, brushing through my hair. He gathered a chunk in his palm, his knuckles gripping at it. It didn’t hurt, he didn’t intend for it to. He was breathing me in, holding onto me in every which way possible.

“It’s going to be okay, we’re going to be okay.” My sobs were muffling themselves, quieting down into soft whimpers. It took a lot to even nod my head against his shirt. It smelled like him, and it was homely. I felt safer now than in our argument. Our words held no value anymore, I just hoped that what he said was true.

Holding her like that almost made things feel normal again. Having her hair in between my fingers and her waist pressed against mine. I wanted to revel in it, selfishly. But her sniffles and uneven breath only made me remember why I even got the privilege to hold her again.

Again and again, I watched her breakdown over a mistake I made. To protect myself. I swore it to her last winter, promised her that it would always be my favorite season because she was my favorite thing. I built up this trust and a love between us. It was when she left that I freaked out over what my mom said.

“I’ve never seen you so happy.” She had said, poncho bc my cheek between her fingers. Playfully, I pulled my face away.

“Yea?” I mused, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and watched the steady snowfall on the final night of winter through the window.

“The love bug’s got you.” She was right. I was so undeniably in love with Y/n. I would change everything in my life just to be with her always.

“What?” My eyes squinted from the way my eyebrows furrowed. She was still looking out into the snow.

“It’s okay to be in love, Connie.” She quickly turned to me and smoothed out my shirt. She sensed my confusion and stress. I knew I was in love with her, but the fact that it was that obvious, that clear made me worry.

“Everyone has their first love at some point.” With that she left. At some point. The words rung through my head. I knew that the first love was always the strongest, but this was not my first love. I had fallen for an ex-girlfriend in freshman year. She broke my heart. Why was the thought of Y/n leaving shattering mine completely?

The more I thought of us together then, the more I worried about her leaving. She was perfect for me, maybe. But could I even measure up to her perfection? Could I give her everything?

I was able to push that feeling away for a few weeks. But as winter turned to spring and the leave began to regrow, I couldn’t shake it. Distance was a thing I was only growing between us. Space, something I created so there was no way we could get hurt. I thought it was the right thing, then. I thought it was the right move for me to let her leave so easily. To watch her fight for me one last time and not react. I was giving her the chance for someone more, someone better. I didn’t know I was only breaking her heart in ways I worried I would break my own.

It was a guilt I lived with all these months. When she didn’t come up to cousins because she wasn’t feeling good, I knew why. I had avoided her like the plague after our last conversation, our first real fight. I couldn’t even show up for her family in one of their most important milestones. Now it seemed like we only fight now, or at least in these past couple hours.

My neck was stiff from how it leaned against the back of the couch. I hadn’t watched past the hour mark of the black and white movie Conrad had put on. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I no longer liked it.

The movie was all I watched when I was at my absolute worst. Not to say I wasn’t still there, I felt rock bottom beneath my feet, but I felt myself getting better slowly. I no longer spent each day rewatching the same film over and over to ease the pain and remind myself of a happier time. I hated the way they talked. I once found it romantic, but the old cracking in the sound and the fancy accents made me angry. None of it was real.

To Conrad, he only did what he thought I would like. He had no way of knowing of my new distaste to the movie. One I used to rave about for hours. Then again, he never asked.

Yawning, I felt a set of eyes on mine.

“Tired?” He asked, a small smile on his face. I waved him off.

“Nope.” I popped the ‘p.’ It was an easy lie, my dark circles and slouchy posture gave it away. There was no way to sell it. I was surprised when he didn’t push me on it. My eyes drooped, my cheek pressed to my lonely shoulder. I had no one to lean on. I curled into myself a little, all while silently telling myself I was awake.

A pillow hit my lip, I bit down a little but it didn’t hurt me. My eyes were wide open now, hair messed up around the top. My fly aways were all over the place, my eyes squinting.

“Hey!” Grabbing the corners of the pillow, I swung as hard as I could towards Conrad, the culprit. It his his chest, he groaned out in a heavy breath. The pillow was soft, I was sure it didn’t hurt. But he entertained the idea that it did by rubbing circles in his chest, wincing and hissing through his teeth. I rolled my eyes.

“Seriously?” I leaned back against the cushions again, placing the pillow comfortably over my lap. I heard him laugh. A real, genuine laugh. It felt like weight was lifted off of my back.

“What! That was one of my best performances.” He punched my shoulder. I shot him playful glares. He pushed at me again, begging for a reaction. I folded already, giving into his games and retaliating against his childish attacks. But I would not crumble so easily. I would not let him tease me and play me until I opened up again just hours after yet another fight. I worried that another would ensue.

Sitting up, I tossed the pillow back at him. The sound he made confirmed it had hit him in the face.

“Come on, where are you going?” I could hear the smile in his voice. It made me smile too, knowing he was happy.

“To bed, I am tired.” I didn’t look back, but I felt him watching.

I swore I heard words die on his tongue. A soft stutter to a dead silence. Like he wanted to protest but stopped himself somehow. He never saw me look back, but when I was turning to the stairs, I allowed myself a glimpse.

His eyes were spacey, lip pulled between his front teeth. His eyebrows furrowed. He was deep in thought, but I could see the disappointment in his face. He didn’t seem as full of life, as cheerful. We were rebuilding a childhood, best friend bond that was lost with in cracking of our foundations in the spring.

“Goodnight, Conrad.” I still hadn’t had the ability to carry a joke with him. To keep a conversation flowing without my emotions dying inside of me before I could get them out. I whispered my goodnight. I wanted him to know I still held a place in my heart for him, but part of me wanted to reserve that knowledge to only myself.

I was scared to be more than what was being proposed. The door was open, we were almost friends. It was an odd spot. We’d act like friends, joke like them, but we both knew what we had done, what had just happened. I would walk through the entrance if Conrad would allow it. If we could at least be close, even if his lips weren’t mine, even if his body wasn’t there for me to lean on anymore. I would live happily, I’d be able to put on a brave face and call myself his friend. I would stand by the alter, watching him find another love, burying the hatchet of our love for good and I would be okay, I decided. As long as I still had him. As long as I never had to feel as alone as I did this morning.

“They’re saying borderline blizzard conditions, Con. You don’t think we’ll need to go on a supply run, do you?” His back was turned to me, hands working over the pot of coffee skillfully. His thumb brushed against the glass, he hissed quietly and shook his hand off.

“I think you’re just overthinking it.” He payed my worry not attention. He knew this house better than I did. It would hold, that wasn’t the worry. We had no shovels, nothing to dig us out of snow were to block us in. I scoffed and rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. I made my way around the island, pushing myself off of the counter and into one of the stools perched under it.

“Coffee?” Conrad asked, ignoring my questions again. I gave into him, playing his game and being stubborn.

“What kind?” My fingers drew circles on the cold marble.

“Black.” He set the cup down in front of me, letting it come to a halt right in front of me. My eyes flickered to the coffee, a smirk fighting it’s way onto my cheeks.

“Like your soul?” Like your heart, is what I wanted to say. Something that used to come so easy, meaningless insults directed at him not to make him sad, but to make him smile. I still hadn’t answered by question, though. If I were to direct a remark at his heart, would it weigh too much under the cracking foundation of our recovering friendship? I still wondered if he would laugh at that and go along with it.

Conrad laughed, looking out the window and admiring the sky. He didn’t respond, but he never really had when I’d make those jokes. Usually he would laugh or tell me it was a good one. He sighed lightly.

“I walked right into that one.” He smiled down at his coffee now, holding the mug loose with the handle dangling between his fingers.

When silence took over the room, it wasn’t uncomfortable. We welcomed it. We were alone with our thoughts and for once, they weren’t twisted and heavy. Only happy memories and thoughts of old habits.

In my mind, I dreamed of times where I knew what to say after making a joke. What I could do to counter a snarky remark and his laughter. I always knew what to say to him, when and why. I knew what made him tick. I still knew how to set him off, I believe that once you have the ability to get under someone’s skin, you never truly lose it. Either you continue to poke at the wounds that hurt them so, or your presence is able to remind them of it. Yet, with all the loss in my every heartbeat, somewhere along the way I forgot how to keep him happy.

Conrad’s footsteps snapped me out of my clouded haze. My eyes snapped up from the counter to his face. He didn’t look at me, but stayed focused on his coffee.

“Glad to know you still got it.” His eyes flicked to me, I swear I saw him wink. It was so quick, my words died in a pathetic stutter. I smiled stupidly at him, I couldn’t even pretend to be snarky. It caught me off guard, somehow. My walls were torn down now, the barrier of anger and sadness I kept up around him to keep us apart gone with our last fight and heart to hearts. The devils in the details, but somehow it didn’t feel as deep, as life changing anymore.

It was like he knew I couldn’t think of something to promise to him. To keep us going. He surely hadn’t lost it.

I tried to rationalize everything recently. But it felt like it took over my life. I’d almost forgotten about Belly and Steven. How they’d been so quick to shut me out simply because someone had offered me a place to be wanted for a moment. Conrad always knew when to swoop in to save me. I could help but talk myself down every so often and convince myself that Conrad is not made of Angel dust. He simply is a man, and a smart one at that. All of this could be just to butter me up, I know it’s always an outcome. A way to win me back, but never want me the same. It poisons me to think about him that way, I know him. He would never play me to become the good guy.

My mind has no middle line. Constantly wavering between my lover, the man I see as the sky and the seas. I see him as a perfect lipstick stain to a white collar, uggs in the fall, hot chocolate in the winter. He is all things I love and yet I still fight. The other part of me fights my heart to keep my distance. How just hours ago I told myself the hate I had for Conrad was always going to be just that, irreversible hurt that he caused. It’s the sweetest torture I could bare in the fact that really, by the end of it my mind is set on just getting to be with him again. No matter what his games are.

It’s pathetic, but my heart strings pull a little whenever I hear his footsteps upstairs. When I can tell if he’s coming to see me or not. I like knowing he likes to be around me once more. It almost covers up the fact that he hurt me so bad. I’m not idiot, however. I wish I were in some cases, but I’m not blinded completely by my love. With every advance, I find a way to make it platonic. He’s my friend.

He said he missed me, our friendship bond. I know that he is a man of his word. I should not work myself up, I shouldn’t expect so much. I shouldn’t jump into his arms because he says go. I think rationally, I use my head. I let my heart race and my cheeks flush but ultimately my brain will stop me from messing about again. So part of me finds it sad when the power goes out later that day. For both the house and myself. It’s childish how quickly I jump in search of Conrad. I have to remind myself not to hold onto him, not to yell I told you so.

I call for his name quietly through the halls, feeling the chipping paint under my finger tips. It’s still fresh, but bumpy. A previous project of Susannah’s from when her paint brushes never seemed to dry out. It’s hard to tell if she never finished her projects that summer. Or even if she never finished any.

In the dark, it’s almost more clear to see where her brush strokes end. Where the moonlight illuminates the white and blues, you can see the divides between old and new. God, if she were any less attentive it would surely be the end of this house. It was in great condition, but some things were out of place, uncared for simply because Susannah’s mind went a mile a minute.

Smiling, I let my hands run over the wall, feet planting on the cold wood. I could feel it through my socks, with the lights out and the heat stuttering to a halt.

“Y/n/n, hey.” He sounded breathless, coming up from behind me. I hadn’t even noticed the stomping of his feet up the staircase as my fingers danced along the wall. So caught up in the past I find it that sometimes I forget that I’m living in my present. Looking around my metaphorical room in my mind, I see my chosen family. I see his brother as mine, his mother as mine. I see myself as a child again running through the sand and tracking mud through the dining room.

I know deep down I can not keep holding on, keep on keeping myself back. I can never give Conrad peace, but I can give him my sunshine, my best. He would always have a friend in me. I set my heart free then, fingers stuck to the wall, eyes flickering to my feet. I let go of my heart break and my solemn silences I throw at my loved ones for guilt. I let my walls down, I take Conrad’s hand, and I shake my head. His smile is warm, his eyes loving. He still needs me, he always has. He still loves me and my heart is racing. I finally feel like I have him back.

“You okay?” Back in reality, I’m aware that I’m not actually holding onto his hand, and Conrad isn’t really smiling at me. My heart is still in its cage and I have fallen victim to my own mind again. Conrad is not mine.

Clearing my throat, I lick at the corners of my lips. When I shake my head this time, I know it’s real because Conrad is looking at me questioningly. He is not in love with me, he is not drooling over me. The power is still out and our muddy footprints mean nothing to him anymore.

“We blew a fuse, but the generators dead. We’re just going to have to stick it out.” I nodded again, looking up at him with doe eyes. My lips were glossy with a sheen coat of spit from how much I licked them, but at them nervously. Yet, he didn’t even spare me a glance. It was almost like he was waiting on something.

“You can say it.” He finally sighed.

“Say what?” His eyes caught mine, seeing just how intently my eyes focused on his dimples and the bridge of his nose decorated with delicate freckles. I cleared my throat.

“You told me so.” He smiled, punching my shoulder playfully. He could tell my mind was drifting, he could see it, I saw the way his eyes softened. My gentle smile turned into a shit-eating grin.

A beat passed, he continued waiting on me in the dark room. I liked it in some odd ways. Enjoyed having him waiting on me for once. It wasn’t the same. How my heart waited for his apologies for so long, how I expected it because I knew one day he would come back to me to make things right in his own way. But somehow, his desire for my once overlooked jokes and brushed off comments made my cheeks warm. Like more than me in this moment, he wanted the normal us back.

“Are you going to…” He voice trailed off, my feet picked up against the cold wood floor.

“Why don’t you start the fire? I’m going to get some blankets.” I tucked the hair behind my ear, practically running to the staircase. He nodded, not that I could see it, but the silence confirmed that he had forgotten that I couldn’t truly see his nod. That along with a soft hum of approval from him.

“Oh, and Conrad.” He hummed again. His eyes glistened in the moonlight, shining brighter than any other object standing in the hallway. He waited on me patiently, slowly inching closer.

“I told you so.”

The best of blankets and pillows sprawled put along the living room floor helped to further nestle us against the foot of our white couch. The snowfall and the storm felt less like an inconvenience but a gift.

I was reminded of my childhood. Of first snowfalls and broken ice skates. Red noses and icy hair. I remember how even after the facade of perfect holidays and new years kisses faded into nothing more than a dream, how my heart still soared with excitement each coming fall. How I couldn’t wait to see the snowy powder decorating my front lawn. I get reminded of why I drove so long to see Conrad. Of his warm hugs and his soft mittens. Wearing his hats and stumbling around in the backyard. I feel less hurt by the company than I once did a few days ago. I feel blessed that by some miracle, fate had string Conrad and I back together. That his hands would forever paint my hands in a gentle love we only held, and his whispers of senseless jokes he mumbled tiredly were only mine to laugh at.

The fire crackled, roaring feverishly through the night. The snow and wind pounded against the sides of the house, and despite the chills running through my toes and my fingers, I felt warmer inside than before, rekindling our inside jokes and fueling ourselves for even more.

Soon, our soft laughter and ongoing conversations died out. Our eyes glued to the flames, I tried to catch a glimpse into Conrad’s eyes. I wanted to know what the fire would look like reflected into his blue eyes. Instead, I caught his gaze locked onto my face.

I felt embarrassed, in a way. Vulnerable under his gaze. I felt my cheeks heat up and my body tingle. I felt like a school girl again.

“Y/n/n.” He called for me softly. The only way I was sure that he’d even said it was the fact that my eyes were so trained in his pink lips. I nodded slowly.

“Why did you come down here? Why now?” Even though the question was serious, I couldn’t help but to smile at his curiosity in my life.

Taking a deep breath, I watched his flat face turn into a welcoming grin.

“Lately, I’ve just been caught up in the past, I guess. I’m just so used to coming home every winter to Steven and Belly in the living room already fighting. And my dad and mom arguing about what decorations playfully.” Conrad laughed like he could picture it. He’d never really been in my house during the holidays. Sure, the Fisher family would stop by every few months when the distance became too much, but holiday’s were usually spent apart.

“I guess when I came home this year and that wasn’t there, I kind of freaked a little. I mean, Steven just left, Belly was too caught up in her own life to care about what I wanted to do, how much time we had left. My dad was too busy to stop by and…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I almost allowed the words to slip, how the final straw was that even with the mess of my family, at least at one point I had Conrad. I had his gentle hands and his quiet promises to hold onto. When everything went to hell, it was like losing the last bit of peace. “I wanted to be somewhere I wouldn’t feel alone, I guess.” I replaced my words with this. Hoping he’d understand how much he meant to me, how much all of it meant to me.

The single puff of air coming harshly through his mouth in a sigh reminded me just how close we were. How I could feel each word falling from his lips fanning over my shoulder. We were sharing a blanket, so close yet our bodies so far.

“Y/n.” He sounded more serious. During my confession, I found a home in the floorboards. Feeling safer confessing to the air than to a man who destroyed me not so long ago. My eyes hesitated to meet his, but I could see just how serious he was.

“I regret what happened between us more than anything I’ve ever done in my life. I know I can’t reverse that, but please never say you are alone. I swear to you, no matter what, I’m there.” It was rare to hear such thing from Conrad. Maybe a grunt of a hug to assure my feelings were always appreciated. But I could see the sincerity in his face, his voice was dripping with guilt. He meant it, every word.

Nodding my head, I silently thanked him. I watched his eyes search my face. How his lips parted but shut quickly. He decided against continuing, but it was like an unspoken apology was being said between us in that moment.

With gravity pulling us together, it was only in my nature to protect my heart. I had to rip us apart before I gave in without knowing if we’d ever be the same. If I kissed him and it was just a winter fling, I couldn’t take another heartbreak.

So, in our silence, I moved my hand between us. The pad of my thumb brushing away the charcoal from the fire dusting just under his cheek. I watched how he shivered and backed away, eyes fluttering shut. All while I bit at my lip, delicate in the way I rubbed away the dust.

“Are my hands cold?” I remained focused in on him, my lips curled into a smile seeing his reaction to my touch, how he shivered but didn’t complain. He nodded his head slowly, but his eyes were still closed.

I saw how his eyebrows furrowed, it wasn’t from discomfort, but in the low light it was hard to tell. My hand curled away, ready to ease the coldness off of his skin. I didn’t expect his own hand to cover mine, holding it against his now rosy cheeks.

“Feels nice.” He mumbled almost drowsily. His eyes still hidden behind his eyelids, his other hand found mine aimlessly, gently pressing it to his other cheek. I felt his weight sink into my palms, reveling in my touch.

The band suddenly snapped. All the tension, all the build up. He was right there, so eager, so gentle. I had to know if he was still the same boy I loved not too long ago. He had set me up for an old joke.I always wondered if I could still joke with him like this. It still gnawed at me some nights.

“It’s because you’re cold hearted.” I expected him to laugh, I hoped he would. But instead, he smiled just as genuine as his old laughter, melting into my touch more than I thought he could ever. I hadn’t been able to predict what he would tell me. Couldn’t have read his lips even if I could see into the future.

“For everyone else, maybe. But not for you.” He was as honest as a man could be. With his eyelashes fluttering open, I could see it in his eyes now. How they looked back at me wide and awake. I felt my stomach flip. There was something there I had previously missed. Dancing along with the glowing of the fire in his irises, was the same spark he once carried when I was his and he was mine.

I didn’t even get to challenge it, teasing him and making him repeat his confessions. My lips stuttered on the first syllable, just before his hands smushed my cheeks with the force of how he grabbed me. He was firm, but not aggressive. He could never hurt me.

His lips molded against mine perfectly in my mind. He tasted like mint and hot chocolate. My hands tangled in his hair, his palms flat against my waist. With so little space between us, so much fever and pent up frustration, air became harder and harder to get. With each touch of his fingers, it was like tiny fires being sparked across my body.

He hadn’t even had to tell me what he felt then. Neither did I. In that moment my walls crumbled beneath my feet. All resistance was gone. In Conrad’s grasp, I felt less alone.

I knew it then. To Conrad, my mind games I played on myself, my temper and the storms that would inevitably cloud up my sunniest days, the fact that I could never give him peace did not matter. We would always be enough.

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Just Your Voice...or something

This ficlet is for @stevethehairington's birthday, the best of celebrations to you, Mack!!! I was thinking for some time what you'd like and I was reminded of your small essay about the Little Mermaid. So...have a Little Mermaid Steddie AU.

The sea witch was supposed to be terrifying, that's what everyone kept telling Steve. He'd sell you potions that would destroy your mind. He'd find any loophole to make you do their bidding. He'd cheat, lie, promise the impossible and connect with the spirits of the deepest ocean to enslave anyone and anything.

The thing was...Steve really did need his help.

The second he entered the witch's cavern, he already felt like he made the worst mistake of his life. There was a huge bubbling cauldron, glowing with whatever toxic stuff the witch was brewing, and from the shelves carved in to the cavern walls, tens of tiny creatures were watching, waiting, following his every move.

"Well well well. Prince Steven himself. I should have cleaned."

Steve turned around so quickly his hair created a halo around his head. There the witch was, sitting on the ceiling with their tentacles wrapped around loose rocks, staring down at Steve, turning their head curiously to the side.

"Uh...what are you doing on the ceiling?" Steve asked, returning the questioning glance.

That made the witch chuckle. "Good question. Stretching. Also it gives me a new perspective."

"An upside down-perspective doesn't sound very useful, but whatever makes you happy," Steve shrugged. "Listen, uh...I came here with a request."

"Oh? A request from the prince himself? I will need a right side up perspective for that then." The witch bounced off the cavern ceiling and landed before Steve with almost staggering grace. Only then could he properly see what they - no, he - looked like. Long, flowy hair around his head, dark eyes and a mischievous smile that gave way more credence to the rumors. He too felt inclined to do whatever the witch asked of him. "Hi," the witch stuck his webbed hand forward, "I'm Eddie, the local witch and the perpetrator of every single bad thing that happens around here. Ever had a bad hair day? That was me."

Laughing, Steve took his hand and shook it. It was becoming more and more difficult to remain cautious when the witch was so charming. "Nice to meet you, Eddie. I'm...well, Steve. You alread know that."

"That I do." Eddie moved backwards and crossed his tentacles in a way that Steve often saw humans do with their...not-tentacles. Legs, they called them. "Well then, Steve. What can this measly witch assist you with? Not that I dislike visitors, but I don't get to see too much royalty around here."

Steve shook his head and rolled his eyes. Royalty, sure. As if he was anything special to his father, his only redeeming feature were his looks, the golden scales and a beautiful mane of sun-kissed hair, that was it. "Funny. Uh, look. I need legs. Also to breathe up there." He pointed vaguely upwards to the distant surface.

Eddie blinked. "Uh. Sure, legs. Dare I ask why? A pretty lady or something in the land above?"

The prince snorted. "Yeah, no. Look, it's not like you care, but there's this kid up there, he almost drowned. Name's Dustin, I think, and I...shit, this sounds way more stupid than I usually do, but I want to make sure he's okay. He didn't look too hot when I dragged him to the beach and his mom was going crazy with worry. So...yeah. That's why."

"That..." Eddie opened his mouth, then closed it. "That's so sweet I might barf."

Steve shrugged and pointed towards the cavern entrance. "Be my - well, your guest, but you might want to do it outside. So. Legs. How much for a pair of legs? A temporary one?"

Eddie grinned at him, twirling his tentacles some more. It was almost hypnotizing. "Oh, I don't know. Pretty difficult, those pesky legs. All those toes, ten of them, that's a full day's job. I'd say the price is...your voice."

Ah, there it was. The evil streak everyone was talking about. Steve just closed his eyes and nodded, resigning himself. "Fine. Take it."

He expected pain, maybe. Or something touching his face, at least. What he didn't expect was a loud fit of laughter invading his ears, reverbating through the cavern.

"What?" he asked Eddie, annoyed.

"You..." wheezed Eddie, wiping at his face, even if any and all tears would dissolve in water instantly, "you really thought I was serious? That I'd do some evil crap like that? Ah, man. My reputation has to be way worse than I assumed."

Steve's scowl sent him into another fit of giggles while the prince searched for a reasonable response that didn't include punching the witch. Just a little. "Okay then, so what do you want?" he snapped.

One mighty sweep of tentacles and Eddie was next to him, hand over his soulders. His black scales were smooth and surprisingly pleasant to the touch. "Geez, Stevie, calm down. Contrary to what you might believe, I'm not that bad."

"Yeah?" Scanning the walls of the cavern, he noticed the scared eyes of the tiny creatures around. "Care to tell me if those poor, unfortunate souls moved here voluntarily?"

Eddie just snickered and crooked his finger at one of them, inviting it closer. It wiggled in the water a little before slowly descending into his palm. He touched its forehead with a long finger and muttered an incantation. And just like that, in a puff of colorful swirls, floated Chrissy, with her golden hair and forest green tail. "So, Chris," drawled Eddie, "care to describe to prince Steven here how I kidnapped you and forced you to live here with me?"

"I..." Steve was at loss of words. "I thought you left? Or disappeared?"

Chrissy snorted and moved closer to Eddie, finding comfort under his arm. "Yeah, I did both. Because Jason wouldn't leave me alone. I came to Eddie for advice on where I could go, but he let me stay here, in a changed form...for my own protection. Just like the others. Really, Steve, prejudice doesn't suit you." Turning back to Eddie, she nudged his side. "Hey, Eddie, can you change me back? I'll take a brief nap."

Ruffling her hair, he touched her forehead. "Sure thing, Chris. Off to the bed with you." And just like that, she was a tiny octopus again, floating to her shelf.

"Oh wow," breathed out Steve. "I feel like a huge asshole. That's...that's actually really nice of you."

Eddie shrugged, returning to his cauldron. "What can I say. The rumors are useful, it keeps the rich and mighty assholes out. Except for this asshole," he pointed at Steve with one of his tentacles, but there was no venom. "So, legs. Can do, a small spell and you'll change when you exit water, you'll have your tail back when you re-enter it. Just a small warning for you - you'll want to get covered when you get up there. There's going to be...something...where the front of your tail is and humans don't like to see that."

Steve snickered at that. He definitely saw one of those during his trips to the surface and he absolutely didn't want to see that either. He watched as Eddie muttered something weird and deep that sent sparkles towards his tail. "Great, thank you. Uh. So, what about the payment? What do you want?"

Eddie rolled his eyes at him. "Whatever. You want to check on a kid, so it's not like I'm going to charge you something crazy. Two pebbles, a pretty mug for my cavern, whatever."

"Do you like anything from the world above I could bring you?" Steve asked, moving closer to the cauldron. "Since I'll be there. They have a lot of interesting stuff."

"Hmmm...maybe..." Look, mermen normally didn't blush, but Steve could swear Eddie's cheeks turned a bit darker. A strand of his wavy hair floated into his mouth and he started chewing on it nervously. "OK, so theoretically. If you were to find one or two. Apples? Do you know what those are?"

The shame in Eddie's face had Steve laughing, clutching his sides. He just looked adorable, trying not to ruin his cultivated image. "Sure, I know them. They float, but I'll get them down here. You've got a sweet tooth, huh?"

"Not a word, prince," the witch threatened, pulling more and more hair in front of his face. "No one will believe you. Now shoo, go check on your kid and find me some apples."

Steve saluted him. "Shall do, oh mighty witch!" With a single sweep of his golden tail, he was gone.

When everything quieted down, Eddie stayed hunched at his cauldron. He didn't really foresee this day going so...weird. Not bad, but weird.

"You like him."

He scowled at the tiny Chrissy creature that floated in front of him with a smug expression. "Oh shoo with you too. He's going to check on the kid and fall in love with a pretty lady or a princess above, or he's going to toss a half-rotten apple to me when he comes back and will never speak to me again. They always do."

She floated closer and nuzzled under his chin. "I don't know, Eddie," she sighed. "He seemed like a good guy. And he had those eyes. Just wait, I'm about to earn an I-told-you-so."

- - -

Eddie hated being wrong. But when, not even a day later, he found Steve waiting in front of his cavern, a satchel of apples in hand (well, above his head, struggling to keep it underwater) and a wide smile on his face, he thought being wrong wasn't the worst thing in the world.

"Welcome back, your highness," he invited Steve in. "So, how was your child friend?"

Steve beamed at him, his face bright even in the shadow of Eddie's abode. "He's doing well. A bit shaken, but recovering. His mom was really grateful, both to me and you. She sent you this...what did she call it. Token of appreciation from her garden. They should be one of the sweetest types." He handed Eddie the satchel and watched with fondness as the sea witch shoved his hand in, grabbing a beautiful red apple and taking a bite. The look on his face was pure bliss.

One crunch later, Eddie opened one of his eyes and looked at Steve. "Want one?"

"Uh, I..." Steve stammered. "They're your payment, I couldn't-"

Shaking his head, Eddie shoved an apple into his hand. "Don't give me that crap. You saved the kid, you deserve an apple. Now make yourself comfortable. Unless you're afraid to stay?"

Steve laughed and floated closer to Eddie, taking a bite of his apple. "Of you, Eddie? Never."

The crunching of apples was loud in the cavern, but not enough to drown out the quiet "I told you so" from the highest shelf.

(also, I forgot to mention this, but the cauldron? It was soup. Eddie is feeding a full cavern of runaways so of course he needs to cook in bulk)

[cyn--ical]

September

Jeremiah Fisher x Conklin Sibling 

*moments of months with Jeremiah until next Summer -takes place between the first and second seasons*

.Conrad sending you videos of Jeremiah sulking in the backseat as everyone leaves Cousins

.Late night phone calls every night till school starts again, then again the first week Conrad goes off to college 

.Calling you any time he misses Conrad because he’s too stubborn to talk to him 

"You know you could just call him"

"Yeah, but he’s not as pretty to look at"

.You groan at how sweet he is and tell him to stop or you’re hanging up

.Jere making it onto the football team and showing up at your house the same day to tell you

.Laurel over hearing your excited voices in the hallway and coming to congratulate Jere

.Making him stay for dinner, making Steven drive to Costco to get a cake

"Its a celebration! we need cake" she stated

"Why me" Steven moaned 

"This is what happens when you wont let anyone else drive your car" Belly smiled at him with mock sweetness 

Steven rolled his eyes at her "This house is gonna fall into ruin when I leave for Princeton"

"And don’t forget the candles" you called out as the door slams shut behind him

.Steven brings leftover fourth of July sparklers instead

"Its what Susannah would have done" he shrugs to Laurel and she nods in the way you know she's holding back tears.

.Laurel tells Jere to stay the night cause its getting too late 

"but on the couch..and no funny business" she says looking at the two of you

.She gives Jere a hug, you notice its longer than usual, before she heads up to bed 

."She thinks I’m going to break like Connie"

"She’s just worried Jere, my mom loves you"

"Do you?" he smirks

.Neither of you have said it yet, not since Jeremiah had that night at the boardwalk

You lean up on your tip toes and put your lips gently on his 

‘Sometimes’ you say pulling away and smirking back at him 

.Jere sneaking up to your room at 2am and curling up next to you

.Pulling your hips back into him. You press up closer next to him and stifle a laugh as he groans into your hair 

‘I’m not gonna be responsible for what happens if you keep doing that’ he whispers

.You turn around to face him, he’s still golden in the dark 

."Will you come to my games?" he sounds like he’s scared to ask, scared of the response 

‘Every one’ you say 

.You know his Dad wont and Susannah’s too sick now 

.Jeremiah gets all shy and smiley the first time you come to his game

.You’re wearing your cheer outfit, wrong colours, but you’ve got his number painted on your cheek 

.Thats all he can focus on, that and how short your skirt is and 

"how come I’ve never seen you wear this before" he says pinching the hem of your skirt, his fingertips brushing an inch higher up your thigh

"I’ve been a cheerleader since freshmen year" you shove him away as he tries to wrap his arms around you

"Not mine" he says pulling you towards him and pinning you against his car door 

"You think you could keep this on for me tonight"Jere whispers into your neck 

"I’m going home Jeremiah" you laugh pushing him back enough to kiss him 

He grins at you. 

.You show up to every game like you promised, sometimes with Belly and Taylor, sometimes with Laurel, sometimes alone

.Always wearing his numbers

.Always holding up a dumb sign making him laugh every time he looks over at you 

.Jere looked amazing in his football gear, he'd gained more muscle from training and Laurel's never ending cooking, one thing she was gonna do, was take care of Susannah's boys. He played amazing too, almost as good as Conrad and you'd wished his dad would come to just one of these games

.But Jere had lost some of his sunshine, that 'golden boy sparkle' fading with every doctors appointment

.Jere picking you up and spinning you around, leaving kisses all over your face whether they won or lost and for a moment he was the old Jeremiah again, the one without the weight of a sick mother and absent father

.Wrapping up in blankets at his games when the leaves start changing colour

.Hugging him in it when he walks of the field

.Walking the long way back to the parking lot, with pink noses and chilled fingers intertwined, letting go only to race through piles of brown leaves

"Its not about how fast you get through them its about how many you crunch" he stated matter of fact, ignoring the amused look on your face

.Jere could never wait till you got inside the car to start kissing you, he'd pin you up against whatever surface was closest, one hand gripping your waist the other resting on your neck

."Opening the door takes 2 seconds" you smiled, still trying to catch your breath

."Sorry" he shrugged "haven't seen my girlfriend all week" he grinned down at you

.Making out with him for 'five more minutes' had turned into 2 hours trying and failing to keep his hands off you and eating leftover lunches, while whatever song of the week played on repeat in the background

"Its too late to drive" he said

"And who's fault is that...I've got to get home J" you sighed

"Let me drive you" he said, shifting your weight on him and letting his head rest back against the drivers seat

"No, then how will you get back?" you asked softly, leaning into him, leaving a trail of kisses on his neck

"Then stay" he tightened his grip on you, not wanting to lose the feeling of you on him

"I can't" you said

.His eyes plead with you and you silently cursed how far apart you lived

"Your mom's already here"

"Exactly why I can't stay Jere" you said resting your back against the steering wheel "She'll want me at home with Belly"

"Belly's not even at home with Belly" Jere let out an exasperated sigh

.You laughed and leaned back into him, foreheads pressing against each other

"You're right, take me to yours then boyfriend" you smiled, biting your lip

.Jere bumped his nose against yours

"Five more minutes" he whispered against your lips already pulling you back into a kiss

[madelynraemunson]

HEY MADDY, WHAT’S ON TV? 📺

𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭 (…𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬)

part 2/2

🥡 steddie!body swap x freaky friday fanfic • RATED: NC-17 🥡

part one here.

SUMMARY: Dustin’s science experiment goes horribly wrong and his two ‘bickering besties’ have to suffer the consequences.

WORD COUNT: 6.9k words

CONTENTS CONTAIN: (EASTER) EGGS, WHEAT, METAL, PARALLELISMS, A PINCH OF COMEDY, ANGST, AND LOTS OF SWEARING

ALLERGENS: CHEESY, CORN(Y), SHELLFISH (sorry eddie)

🥠

Eddie makes himself dinner again tonight.

It's nothing new; it’s been this way since he was a kid. But the loneliness at Steve’s is almost suffocating, despite the vastness of the house, the extravagant amount of silverware in the drawers reserved for a grand party of three… and hell, even with Todd Harrington being in the same room…breathing the same air as him right now.

“Hello, Steven.”

“Hi, Dad,” Eddie replies.

 It almost feels apocalyptic. 

There wasn’t much in Harrington’s notes about his parents, other than they were hardly ever home and basically let Steve do whatever he wanted. And to an extent Eddie thought Steve was exaggerating, but given that this was the second time this week he’s seen Steve’s parents — after being in his body for nearly five days — he realizes Steve was telling nothing but the truth. 

“How was work today?” Steve’s dad inquires.

Eddie does a double take, glancing at the fridge with Steve’s work schedule on it plastered in bright colors. It’s very hard to miss.

“…Today was my day off,” Eddie replies, baffled that Steve’s dad was too spatially unaware to look that way. “Did you uh…did you eat yet?”

“I did. Did you?”

“No, I was thinking about what to make actually,” Eddie mumbles. “I guess Spaghettios will do. Again.”

Eddie always thought Steve ate dinner with his parents, had conversations about his day, and shared laughs and stories. It’s jarring now to be in his shoes, where the silence is almost deafening.

“Yeah, we do need more groceries,” Steve’s dad agrees with an absent-minded yawn. “It’s a bummer you were off today. I was going to have you fetch your mom and I a tub of that Neapolitan. Didn’t realize we were out.”

Neapolitan? Eddie’s ears quirk at the mention. Isn’t that…?

“Ice cream? Why would I have ice cream at work, Dad?”

“Why wouldn’t you? Don’t you work at Scoops?”

“I work at Family Video.”

“Since when?”

 “Since THREE YEARS AGO... You didn’t know that?”

“I’m not a psychic, Steven.”

Eddie’s eyes pan back to the fridge, again,  the only thing on it being a sheet of paper that reads, FAMILY VIDEO SCHEDULE STEVE H. The stark reality of the situation hits him hard.

“Anyways, kinda odd you’re home tonight,” Todd continues. “You usually never are. Shouldn’t you be with Nancy?”

NANCY?!

“Nancy?! Nancy and S–” Eddie pauses. “Nancy and I broke up FIVE years ago, Dad. …Don’t you remember?”

“I may have remembered you saying something about that…”

Oh he’s being absolutely insufferable! Steve and Nancy’s breakup was the talk of the town, and probably even the hot topic at the Loch Nora Moms Book Club meeting. How could Todd Harrington not even notice that Nancy wasn’t around for five years?! 

At his wit’s end now, Eddie starts towards the hall. “I’m out.”

“Where are you going?” Steve’s dad demands, his tone sharp enough to slice through the thick tension in the air.

Eddie feels a surge of defiance bubble up. “I need some fresh air,” he replies, trying to keep his voice steady. “Not that you’d notice if I disappeared for a while.”

Eddie doesn’t know where he’s going yet. He just needs to get the hell away from here. Meanwhile, Steve’s dad is trying to figure out what he’s done to make his son so upset. He can’t think of anything he could’ve possibly said to elicit this reaction.

“Hey! Tone, you heard of it?” his eyes flicker over to Eddie. “What’s going on, son? You’re not acting like yourself.”

Eddie tuts. “Yeah, like you’ve been around to know what that’s like?”

Maybe he could go to the arcade. Or Starcourt. Hell, maybe he’ll loiter around Camp Knowhere, or a convenience store that sells Farrah Fawcett spray (The humidity was making his hair so hard to deal with! Eddie just wanted it UP and OUT OF HIS WAY). 

Eddie just wanted to be anywhere but here. Anywhere but the hellscape that is Steve’s house.

“WHERE are you going?” Steve’s dad demands again.

“Knowhere, I guess.”

“Nowhere? Well you’ve gotta be heading somewhere.”

Annoyed – and too exhausted to explain – Eddie sighs.

“You know what, fine. Stay ominous about it,” Todd mutters. “You know what, Steve, you are never home.”

“Oh yeah? Well if I was home, would that have made a difference?!”

Taken aback, Todd Harrington’s eyes widen, shocked by his son’s sudden outburst. This isn’t the calm, polished Steve he knows. If this is how his son really is, what else has he been up to? Quite possibly no good.

“You know,” Todd clears his throat. “You are never home anymore.”

Eddie whips back around, enraged at the audacity.

“What’s the point of staying home if I’m going to be ignored?!” he yells. “If I’m going to eat dinner alone? If the only time I’m home you guys want something from me?! If I’m going to be stuck wondering when my parents are going to walk through that door?”

It’s like Eddie was talking to his own father while yelling at Steve’s. He’s had an eerily identical encounter with Al before. It just wasn’t expected or heard of. A guy with rich parents who weren’t…present in his life? His mind couldn’t wrap around it. Until it had to. 

“I see you all the time, kid.”

“But do you know me…DAD?” Eddie cries. “Do you really know me?”

“I was at the hospital when you were born, of course I know you, son.”

Does this dude even know who Dustin is?

“Oh yeah? What’s my best friend’s name?”

“Tommy.”

“What sport did I do in high school?”

“Volleyball.”

The third and final test. 

“What am I allergic to?”

But Steve’s dad clicks his tongue in annoyance. “What do I look like, a doctor?”

Eddie swallows hard. Wayne would’ve answered all those questions—and correctly—in a heartbeat. 

“I’m out,” Eddie says again.

Holding back the remainder of his tears, Eddie starts towards the door, any last bit of his appetite he had left completely down the drain now. 

“It was a genuine question, Steven,” Todd Harrington calls after Eddie. “I said, do I look like a doctor to you?”

“You sure as hell don’t look like a father, I can tell you that much,” Eddie mutters.

Steve could argue that Nancy Wheeler was his biggest heartbreak, but as Eddie inhabits his life, he begs to differ.

The real heartbreak lies in being surrounded by everything a young man could ever want: parents, a big house, a large inheritance, hell, even a nice body—and still feeling profoundly lonely and unloved. In terms of a family and sense of belonging… Eddie’s richer than Steve. And had they not switched bodies, he would’ve never guessed. 

Poor Harrington. Eddie had no idea.

“Master of puppets are pulling your strings… twisting your mind and smashing your dreams”

This is Steve’s last resort.

He figured if he listened to the same music Eddie did, acted like Eddie, and believed himself to be Eddie, the guitar solo for Take Me Away would just come to him naturally. After all, nothing is impossible. And delusion has gotten enough people pretty damn far. 

Harrington reaches into his back pocket, acquiring the fortune that got them in this situation in the first place, hoping that maybe there were more messages in between the lines.

“A journey soon begins, its prize reflected in another’s eyes. When what you see is what you lack, then selfless love will change you back.”

“…in bed,” Steve jokes.

Look at him. This Eddie stuff’s easy.

Suddenly, an airy, delicate, seductive voice belonging to a young woman shifts Steve's attention.

“Eddie?”

Steve’s eyes nearly bulge out of his face. 

Standing in front of him with her hair neatly kept in a high ponytail, body embraced by a nice blouse and an even nicer skirt, and frilly socks that poked out of her sneakers is a woman he didn’t expect to see. 

The Queen of Hawkins herself. The woman of Steve’s dreams.

“NANCY!” he exclaims.

CRASH! Books fall out of the cart that rested besides Steve and onto the floor. He’s inherited Eddie’s clumsiness too it seems. Shocked, Nancy rushes to his aid, picking up books that fell more towards her side.

“Ugh, I’m so sorry,” Steve frowns. “Thanks…”

“I uh, like your haircut,” Nancy smiles. “Also, I didn't think you’d work at the library.”

“Well it’s the only place that would hire me,” Steve chuckles. “…literally. Uh, my haircut? Thanks. You really like it?”

“Yeah! It’s nice!" Nancy nods. "It’s new. I’m so used to your long hair.”

“Yeah back when I looked like an electrocuted ferret,” Steve grumbles.

“Huh?”

“Nothing!” Steve says. “A-are you looking for anything?”

“Just browsing for some poetry that’s all.”

"I see," Steve nods. "W-well if you need anything, let me know."

Nancy watches as Steve, or Eddie in her eyes rather,  walks back to the counter, acquiring the newly returned books to stamp for the next round of check-outs. He then loads them into the book cart, getting ready to return them to their respective aisles. All with a sulking demeanor that he’s too aloof to notice on himself. 

“Are you okay?” Nancy inquires. “You look kinda down.”

Steve hesitates.

“I…” he says. “I really let someone down recently. Multiple people, actually. And I have no idea what to do.”

"I know how that feels,” she empathizes with him.

Nancy heads towards him.

“I was given a solution on how to make it right I just…” he shakes his head. “...don’t know how.”

“Well, the fact that you want to make it right is already the first step.”

Nancy motions for Steve to follow her, to which he does so immediately. She leads him to the poetry section of the library, specifically towards the authors with the last name starting with ‘D’. Shuffling through volumes of books, Nancy finally settles on one and takes it out.

“There’s a poem about selflessness that I really love,” she explains. “And if I’m correct, it’s in this lil book right here.”

Steve watches as Nancy flips through the pages in concentration. 

She is still so pretty. Despite living in the same hometown, Steve hasn’t seen Nancy in a couple years. But she is still quite beautiful, and the same in her mannerisms and quirks, but just now older and wiser. Nancy clears her throat before reading the poem out loud.

“If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain,

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his nest again,

I shall not live in vain.”

The two meet eyes.

“Emily Dickinson,” Nancy cites the poem. “Redemption is selfless. It's a sacrifice. But life becomes more worthwhile when you live to help others. If mending this brokenness is really what you seek, you have to see what matters most to the other person, and make sure there’s a way to meet in the middle. That’s the best way to help in any case.”

Nancy drifts off into a sorrowful, reflective trance. 

“I should know.”

They were both wrong, Steve and Nancy. They broke up over dumb shit that teenagers broke up over, both too stubborn for their own good to see the other person’s perspective. Steve never got a chance to redeem himself. Jonathan stole Nancy’s heart back then before he could.

But Steve never stopped loving Nancy. And now that it’s being revisited when they’re much older, it’s discovered that Nancy never stopped loving Steve either.

“You’re beautiful, Nancy Wheeler,” Steve says, peering into her eyes.

Perplexed, Nancy looks at her friend with furrowed brows. Encouraging space between the two, she places her hands on Steve’s shoulders, before moving off to the side.

“Thanks, Eddie.”

2 DAYS LATER… 💀

SHOW AND TELL DAY

“I made a promise to keep you shitheads safe and that’s exactly what I’m doing!”

You’d think it’d stop at the raccoons. But to Eddie’s surprise, the shenanigans of Camp Nowhere are far from over. 

Today’s activity is centered around “aerodynamics” – which quickly translates to “Rolling Down a Steep Hill in a Dismantled Tire Swing”. 

“The chances of us getting concussions are unlikely,” someone protests. 

“BUT. NEVER. ZERO!” Eddie points out. “Wear a damn helmet, for Christ’s sake!!!”

“Ugh!!!” another kid wails. “You’re being a buzzkill, AGAIN, Steve! We miss the Relaxed Steve who didn’t give a shit.”

“Well, that’s too bad!” Eddie’s quick to match the energy. “It’s when Steve STOPS giving a shit that you should be scared. STEVE has set rules for a reason. And the reason is that STEVE doesn’t want you guys getting hurt.”

An injured kid would likely mean a trip to the hospital. Which means calling home. Which then means mountains of bills and a potential lawsuit which could lead to the shutting down of Camp Knowhere forever. And if Eddie wanted to leave his mark on the world, he would want it to be because he shaped young minds. Not eviscerated them.

Eddie sighs before speaking again. He had no clue about what really goes into all of this.

“Why is Steve talking about himself in the third person?” a kid questions.

Eddie quickly realizes that he in fact was talking about ‘himself’ in third person, to which he quickly deflects by saying,

“Because you dingbats stress me out. Put a helmet on or it’s no tire swing.”

———

“You look absolutely ridiculous.”

“What do you mean? I’m just channeling my inner Eddie.” 

It was like watching Eddie cosplay as himself. As a nervous Robin drives towards Discount Stereo in Eddie’s van, Family Video’s sister music shop, she can’t help but get annoyed with Harrington’s forced headbanging and unnecessary drumming-on-the-dash. 

And making her drive without a license too? It was way too anarchic for Steve. It’s like she was actually with Eddie instead. 

“What exactly are we looking for anyways?” Robin sighs.

“We need a voice changer of sorts,” Steve brainstorms. “Or at least something to isolate Eddie’s vocals from the original track so I can perform for him.”

The further and further they were away from camp, the more desperate Steve got. 

But Steve isn’t giving up hope. And if he has to play What Would Eddie Do? to get Eddie the dream contract he had been wishing for, he’s going to do exactly that.

“Master of puppets are pulling your strings… twisting your mind and smashing your dreams…”

Just then an epiphany reaches him. 

“Puppet…” Steve whispers to himself. “…strings.”

How could he have overlooked this? The answer was so clear, so evident, right there all along. And in that moment, Steve had reevaluated all his previous judgments of Mr. Clarke. The man is a modern-day genius.

Steve turns to Robin.

“Turn around,” he says. 

“What? I literally just got on the highway and I thought we were going to—”

“TURN. AROUND!”

SKRRRTTTTTTTT!

———

“Okay, turn around,” Gareth cautions. “But don’t make it obvious.”

Eddie’s neck immediately snaps towards the respective direction. Gareth gets a good eye-roll in before backhanding him across the chest.

“Way to be subtle,” he spews. “But that’s him. That’s the guy from Cardinal Records.”

The "dad" sunglasses. The Old Money Laugh. Initially unassuming, Eddie has no doubt that the man behind him is the off-duty talent scout. Because while he didn’t stand out at first, his confident demeanor and unbranded athleisure reeked of ‘subtle wealth’, his attentiveness to the stage screaming, ‘I’ll have my people call your people’.

“We should introduce ourselves before going up there,” Gareth suggests. “That way we start off on the right foot.”

“Noooo sir,” Eddie sings, shying away from the idea completely. “Not when I’m not myself.” 

“Don’t worry, we’ll scavenge a wig and sunnies for you!” Jeff brainstorms. “He won’t even notice you took the form of some temperamental, big-haired frat diva!”

“It’s hopeless, guys,” Eddie refuses. “I say we just appoint the next band. Give someone else a shot while it’s in their reach.” 

“But Eddie, THAT’S US!” Grant frowns. “We’ve dreamt of this, man. This is our only shot. You said it yourself, you practiced your solo for nearly two months!”

“So let this be a lesson learned,” Munson mutters. “That just because you work hard, it doesn’t mean you’re guaranteed success. I’m sorry guys, but it’s not happening.”

But “Eddie!” he hears himself scream. “EDDIE, EDDIE, EDDIE!”

Steve dashes towards him, ignoring the people staring at him like he’s some lunatic yelling his own name. Harrington’s feet are thinking too fast for his brain, judging by the way Eddie has to extend his arms forward to protect the two from ramming right into each other… again.

“Eddie,” Steve pants one last time. “God…your cardio sucks. You haven’t… gone on yet…have you?”

“No, and I don’t intend to. Show’s off. We gotta find the next act.”

Steve stops him.

“I’ve been thinking,” Harrington begins. “Well, listening to music, more like. You know that one song by Metallica? The puppet show one?”

“Master of Puppets?” Eddie corrects him, baffled. “It’s not about a puppet show you ignorant f–”

“I know that,” Steve stops him. “...now. Point is, the word ‘puppet’ kinda had me thinking. What if you played your guitar solo backstage and I just pretend that it’s me doing it? I know the lyrics of the song, I just don’t know how to play guitar.”

“You know the lyrics to our song?” Jeff’s eyes twinkle with joy. Not that it was too big of a deal. But a ‘normie’ knowing the lyrics to one of Corroded Coffin’s songs is flattering in a sense. 

“Yeah, after hearing it for a week straight,” Steve shrugs. “So, what do you say, Munson? Let’s get you guys that record deal, huh?”

Eddie lets the idea marinate for a while. Harrington’s onto something. 

“So you suggest that I – quite literally – pull the strings behind the curtain…” Eddie nods along. “While you go out there and perform as me since you’re in my body? Pulling a Singing in the Rain essentially?”

“A what?”

But the theater kids sighs. “Nevermind. I’m uh, yeah! I’m up for it. If you are.”

Steve extends a hand to Eddie. With his stomach doing somersaults now, Eddie extends his hand to Steve, shaking it firmly, the mutual agreement eliciting a smile amongst the two former rivals. 

“It’s now or never, baby. Let’s break some legs.”

Eddie shoots him a sour look. Steve’s trying. He’ll give him that much.

“Sure. I’ll take it!” Eddie chuckles. He quickly turns around. “Hey! Henderson!”

Dustin gives him a single nod.

“How long does it take for you to make a sign?” Eddie inquires. “Multiple, actually?”

“Depends,” Dustin shrugs. “What do you want them to say?”

Eddie smirks.

———

“Sorry I’m late, sweetheart. ...Again.”

Eddie takes a quick moment to admire his guitar, the red and black Rich NJ Warlock that he had spent two-and-a-half of his paychecks on, glistening atop the wall, held upright by a matte black holster. His eyes then trail over to the standard Reverend beside it, the one he’s going to be using while Steve goes out there with his precious baby.

“Okay, so when you guys get on stage, Gareth will start the count,” Eddie instructs, looking at Steve now. “When he counts to four, that’s when you start the song.”

“Wait, four?” Steve’s only been used to three. “Do I start right when he says four or after the fact?”

“At four. Starting after four would make it a five count.”

“ButifIstartatfour, howcanIbesurehedidn’tmeanthree and I’m off a couple counts?! Usually the count is three, I wanna make sure the count is actually four.”

“The count is four and you start AT FOUR!” Eddie hisses. “I was in band and theater and I’m in a band, I should know.”

The two quickly stop their argument to don their respective guitars. After another firm handshake, Steve sets off with the band, nervous but determined to give the performance his all.

“Don’t fuck up, Harrington,” Eddie shakily mutters as Steve walks away. “I’m countin’ on you.”

“Uh, Steve?” Nancy questions. Eddie spins around. “What are you doing with Eddie’s guitar?”

How’d Nancy get backstage? And why is she here? Eddie’s brain is riddled with a ton of questions, but nonetheless, all he does is smile. 

“Don’t worry about it, Wheeler.”

Wheeler? Now Nancy really thinks Steve hit his head.

“I’m gonna worry!” she insists.

“‘Scuse me, ‘scuse me, pardon me,” Dustin utters as he squeezes his way to the front of the Show and Tell audience. “Tour manager here! I need access to the barricade!”

And he’s the best damn tour manager Hawkins has ever seen. Tucked underneath Dustin’s trusty armpit are a stack of poster-sized notecards with lyrics for Steve to read. Steve spots him in the crowd almost immediately and his eyes light up in relief. The two exchange confident thumbs up before the audience is lowered to a hush by the bright yellow stage lights and the fading stereo music.

“Uh… hi everyone!” Steve mumbles. “I’m Eddie Munson, and this is my band Corroded Coffin.”

Aggressive ringing shrouds people’s ears. Wincing himself, Steve gulps as he gathers what is left of his courage. 

“A-are you ready to be blown away?” Steve questions the crowd. “Taken away, I should say. Haha.”

Crickets. There’s a hesitancy with the enthusiasm, but the crowd still remains supportive. 

“C’mon…” Eddie whispers, impatiently and nervously tapping his feet.

Clearing his throat out of habit, Steve starts to speak again.

“Uh, this song is about never wanting to grow up. Refusing to conform to society’s expectations. The harsh realities of young adulthood.”

“Okay, we’re off to a good start…” Eddie comments.

“You know, I’ve done a lot of reflecting this summer,” Steve admits, the spotlight theatrically closing in on him. “Before this summer, I used to be uptight and a little bitter about everything and the way things were headed. But in the mess of it all, I learned to have a little bit of fun. To let my hair down, literally and metaphorically. And the fact that it all—“

“JUST START THE SONG!” Eddie interrupts from backstage.

Negative feedback rings through the stadium once more as Steve turns his head. I deserved that, he thinks. Without further adieu, Gareth starts them off, clashing his drumsticks together to set the tempo.

“ONE. TWO. ONE.TWO.THREE.FOUR.”

So it was after four.

“YEAAAAAH!” Steve croaks mightily into the microphone. “YEAAAAAAH!”

The band is already off to a good start. Even Eddie is stunned. The guitarist watches in joy – and almost with pride – as Steve pretends to know what he’s doing, ‘strumming’ along with Eddie’s band and banging his head around like an untamed maniac. It almost looks natural when he does it. Almost as if he had rehearsed this over and over.

When he senses the cue, Dustin holds his poster up.

“Get up, get out. Move on, move on there’s no doubt. I’m all wrong. You’re right. It’s all the same to you.”

“Get up, get out. Move on, move on there’s no doubt. I’M ALL WRONG. YOU’RE RIGHT. IT’S ALL THE SAME TO YOU!”

‘Eddie’s stage presence seemingly grabs the attention of the producer from Cardinal Records. Off to the side, Dustin’s friend’s friend’s dad remains leaned against a railing, his sharp eyes fixed on the band with a mix of fascination and calculation.

“I’m too thin. Too fat. You ask why. So why? So why? So why? So why?”

The scout's fingers drum against his thigh, fascinated by the song and the enthusiastic, young audience it catered to. He watches ‘Eddie’ and his provocative thrusts, the band and their one-ness with each other and their respective instruments, and the different groups of respectful mosh pits that have started since the band started performing. It’s a refreshing sight to see. Angst. Challenging the status quo. Young adults coming together to enjoy the music while being unapologetically themselves. Sex appeal.

The 90s have arrived; and Corroded Coffin is just what Cardinal Records needs.

 “On and on and on and on. On and on and on and on! Don’t wanna grow up, I wanna get out. Hey! Take me away.”

Nodding his head to the song now, the man reaches into his pocket to acquire his business Motorola.

“Curtis,” the man says after a few rings. “Clear my schedule for the next week and a half. I’ve got some meetings to set up immediately.”

“I wanna shout out, take me away, away, away, away, away!”

“Round and round here we go again,” Steve sings, causing the crowd to roar and chant Eddie’s name. “Same old start, same old ends.”

“I don’t care if it was set in stone, I need you to clear them immediately,” the scout hisses. His eyes remain fixated on Corroded Coffin,  “I just found our golden ticket.”

“Turn my head, I turn back again. Same old stuff, never ends.”

“Turn my head, I turn back again. Same old SHIT, never ends.”

And the audience ERUPTS once more. Shocked and ecstatic about the lyric change, Dustin bangs his head in excitement, throwing up two rock-and-roll signs while his notecards fall to the ground.

“He said the S word!” Suzie shrieks. “In front of a bunch of kids? He’s insane.”

He’s awesome, Eddie thinks, grateful at the fact that Steve had a change of heart when it came to the lyrics. 

“Take me away, away, away, AWAY!”

And as planned, Eddie’s guitar solo that he had rehearsed for six weeks sounds through the amphitheater of excited, inspired teenagers. 

Steve’s head bangs rhythmically with the beat, his eyes closed in a moment of pure  bliss. His long hair whips around his face, drenched with sweat that sparkles underneath the stage lights. 

I feel so fucking metal, he thinks to himself.

Eddie mirrors Steve from behind the curtain, ravaging his guitar, allowing his heart to pour from his fingers with a fiery, trance-inducing passion. And with a final, triumphant chord, Eddie thrusts his guitar skywards from behind the stage, his tongue poking out of his mouth from excitement, and the crowd erupts in an ear-splitting ovation, hands clapping, feet stomping, and voices roaring in a collective, euphoric frenzy.

Nancy stares in bewilderment at the sight in front of her. Robin takes notice and finds a cover explanation immediately.

“He’s been hanging around Eddie a LOT,” she says.

———

“MOST. METAL. EVER!”

Steve, Eddie, Dustin, and the rest of Corroded Coffin congregate in a circle, over the moon by the fact that the plan had actually worked out. Like a colony of black rabbits in a carrot field, the group hops around in a state of impermeable bliss, soaking in all the emotions that came with the idea of the beginning of their dreams coming true.

“Most metal, indeed.”

An unfamiliar voice cuts through their celebration, causing them to pause. Steve feels a nudge at his ribcage, placed excitedly there by Eddie. A turn in that direction and everyone grows quiet, unsure whether or not to speak or bow to the mogul in front of them. 

“So this is Corroded Coffin, huh? I’m Gary Feldman, a talent scout for Cardinal Records.”

Eddie shoves Steve forward.

“Th-that’s us!” Steve stammers. “It’s great to meet you, sir. I’m Eddie. Eddie Munson. These are my buddies… Gareth on drums, Jeff on bass, Grant on guitar and keyboard. And these are my other best friends, Dustin, and Steve.”

“Cardinal Records?” Eddie – as Steve – asks, feigning innocence with a hint of mischief. “What’s Cardinal Records?”

Steve catches on quickly, then channels his inner Eddie. 

“Only the most METAL record label in the history of record labels! They’ve produced everyone who’s anyone—probably your favorite artist and your favorite artist’s favorite artist!”

Eddie smiles at Steve’s ability to be such an accurate historian, whether or not it was done on a whim. Meanwhile, Feldman chuckles, clearly flattered at the fact that Steve, or ‘Eddie’, was practically kissing his feet, saying all the right things to get him on his good side.

“The media training is strong with this one.”

Just then, Steve’s confidence wavers. Scared that he ruined their shot, he gulps.

“I wasn’t thinking that, I swear.”

But Feldman laughs heartily, easing the tension.

“I’m just messing with ya, kid,” the talent scout grins. “I like your band, I really do. You guys have a sound I haven’t heard before. And the energy you bring to the crowd is something I haven’t seen in a long time.” 

“Y-you’re serious?!” Eddie can’t help but exclaim. “You… really think my friends are that talented?”

“I don’t just think, I know,” Feldman insists, looking back at ‘Steve’. “I believe you guys have the IT factor we’ve been looking for but have been unable to find. I would like to have Corroded Coffin on board, if you are willing.”

Eddie beams in awe as he watches the interaction take place. Never did he think he would get his foot through the door thanks to Steve Harrington’s rockstar skills. And it seems like all the other guys shared that very sentiment. 

“Here is my card, perhaps we can set up a meeting.”

The card is sleek when Steve takes it in his hand. It’s a glossy jet black color, heavy, and feels very, VERY important. Struggling to find the correct words, the boys nod profusely, smiling ear to ear while taking turns shaking Gary Feldman’s star-and-jewelry-studded hand. And when the recruiter disappears from sight, Eddie is quick to snatch the card out of Steve’s grip.

“Holy shit, we got our foot in the door!” he cheers, high-fiving all of the boys in celebration.

Steve peers over at Eddie with a proud smile. 

“Congratulations, man. I knew that this would be possible.”

Eddie offers him a grateful smile in return. “I couldn’t have done it without you, Harrington.”

Eddie and Steve share a hug. Dustin stares as they do so, palms clasped together like a relieved parent witnessing a rare bonding moment between her children. Although it was a messy process, the mission of his fortune cookie worked. Steve and Eddie finally get along.

Suddenly, Eddie feels the grasp of two gruff palms below his hips.

“Uh, Steve,” Eddie clears his throat. “Can you please get your hand off my butt?”

But Harrington only laughs. “You mean my butt?”

———

“This is so not cool, man,” Argyle grumbles. “SO NOT COOL!”

Wading through a sea of glass beakers and soggy clothes, the gang proceeds to help Dustin clean out his side of the cabin… one last time before saying goodbye to Knowhere forever.

“I agree, why did you have to pack so much?!” Will questions. “You were only gone for six weeks.”

“Hey, I didn’t know what I would need for my last year,” Dustin defends himself. “Also, with my mom gone on her spicy book retreat, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go back and get anything.”

“Spicy book retreat?” it piques Argyle’s interest. “Explain.”

“If it’s anything like my mom reads, then you don’t wanna know,” Mike makes a face.

“Says you, sore Paladin. We REAL MEN have a thirst for this type of knowledge. Gotta know how to cater to the ladies, you know what I mean?”

The room fills with disgusted groans. This may be a science camp, but no one had the stomachs to discuss human anatomy at the moment.

Just then, the ground beneath the party rumbles again.

“EARTHQUAKE!” Argyle shrieks, his tone reminiscent of that of a little girl. “FOR REAL THIS TIME!”

“Jesus Chr—” Steve yelps, taking cover underneath a table.

“Here we go again,” Eddie mutters through his gritted teeth.

Everyone takes a form of shelter while the cabin rocks around, Suzie’s influence heavily evident on Dustin as he prays repeatedly for this shit to be over. 

“HOLY SHIT!” Max screams, holding onto some chair legs to stabilize her body.

“WHAT DO WE DO, WHAT DO WE DO, WHAT DO WE DO?!” Lucas cries.

“EVERYBODY, COVER YOUR HEADS!” Dad Eddie yells. “BRACE FOR IMPACT!”

The earthquake makes itself known for a little longer, before fading into complete nothingness. Everyone looks around to see if that was the last of the shaking.  When the coast is finally clear, Argyle is the first to stand up.

“Now that,” he huffs. “Is what you call a California quake. That had to have been a five-point-something.”

When Eddie looks up from his bracing position, he pans his gaze over to Steve. And he’s absolutely elated when the face staring back at him is exactly who it is… Steve.

“Oh my god…” Eddie’s breath hitches. “Harrington.”

“Holy,” Harrington breathes. “Eddie?”

“Did they change back?” Robin mumbles, hands still atop her head as a form of self-regulation.

Everybody’s eyes trail over to Steve and Eddie as they reemerge, watching them palm at each other’s chests in confirmation, laughing delusionally in one another’s faces as they hop around in celebration.

“I don’t…” Steve stammers. “But you… how did we…”

“When what you see is what you lack, then selfless love will change you back,” Eddie recalls in his story-telling voice.

The notion really was the key to empathy, it seems: you never know what someone goes through until you live life in their shoes. A bit too literal for both of their likings, but Steve and Eddie evidently got the picture. It just felt great, being back in their own bodies again.

“I’m really sorry for everything I said about you,” Eddie fesses up immediately. “You really are a pretty amazing guy, Harrington. The kids are lucky to have you.”

“And I’m sorry for always refusing to see your side,” Steve says. “My jealousy, bias? and bitterness wouldn’t allow me to do so. Until I lived through it.”

“Hopefully it’s not too late for us to actually be friends.”

“For sure, man,” Eddie grins. I’ll call ya after that record deal meeting.”

The rocker reaches into his pocket to acquire a gift for Steve. His guitar pick that he used during Show and Tell. Upon it being delicately placed in his palms, Steve looks down at it in admiration, encapsulating it with his fingers to ensure its safety.

“Something to remember me for when Coffin makes it big,” Eddie explains.

The two share a smile once again, ecstatic that this fiasco is all over – but also excited to be burying the hatchet they have been harboring for years. It felt like an end of an era, a catalyst for a new beginning.

“Hey!” Argyle exclaims, his mouth just inches away from the fortune cookie in his hand. “Jonathan and I finally got the same fortune.”

Suddenly, concerned energy fills the room.

“NOOO!” everyone yelps running towards Argyle to knock the pastry out from his hand.

———

“Steeeeve Haaaarrington?”

The bright smile on the young woman’s face catches Steve off guard as he turns around. A flutter of nerves wash over him, but he remains fixed, determined to keep his composure as he feeds into the flirtiness.

“It’s Camp Counselor Steve Harrington, actually,”  the former jock winks. 

“Heard you’re the absolute best.”

“I’m alright, I suppose.”

“Hey, Steve.”

“Hey, Nance.”

It’s been years since Steve and Nancy had a decent conversation. Let alone one where tears weren’t involved. But despite the passage of time, taking in Nancy and all of her beauty still feels brand new to Steve, the mere idea of her making him giddy and bashful, just like the very first time.

“Did you have a good summer?”

“I did,” Steve nods. “And it just got a whole lot better.”

He catches himself immediately.

“Because now Dustin is free, of course,” he babbles.

“Right, right, of course,” Nancy nods along, trying not to blush.

“And we get to hang out again, and he gets to hang out with your brother again…”

“Fun! So fun!” Nancy insists.

“.. and he gets to hang out with Eddie and his band before they go on tour and make it big…”

The two take a moment to sit with the fact. A Hawkins local going to Indy with his band. A retired delinquent, mind you. Yet still the most badass.

“You know…” Nancy speaks again. “I am still kinda curious as to why you’ve been walking around with Eddie Munson’s guitar all night.”

Steve hands her the guitar pick. Confused but intrigued, Nancy takes it from his hand, grazing it with her delicate fingers as Steve closes up the space between them. 

“If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain. Emily Dickinson.”

Suddenly, Nancy appears to realize. Steve’s charm not only transcended time, but now also bodies, it seems. And Nancy knew she recognized those eyes from somewhere.

“Something’s telling me that it wasn’t Eddie that I was talking to in the library…” she speculates.

Steve can only chuckle. “Crazy, right?”

“It’s Hawkins,” Nancy giggles. “Nothing’s crazy to me anymore.”

“Not even me?”

“No, you’re not crazy,” she blushes, biting delicately on her bottom lip. “You’re just an idiot…Steve Harrington.”

“And you’re beautiful, Nancy Wheeler.”

“Uh, gross,” Eddie remarks from a distance.

Eddie nudges Dustin as they watch the two walk off into the sunset. They’ve been eavesdropping and spying this whole time, but Steve and Nancy were too smitten to notice.

“Is it too late to grab a coffee?”

“With you? No never. I heard Newby’s Coffee Roasters is pretty good.” 

“Let’s go.”

The two spies proceed to watch as Nancy and Steve walk away, arm in arm, setting towards Steve’s car to enjoy the rest of their night. 

“How come YOU never take me out for coffee and pastries?” Eddie jokes.

Dustin shrugs, reaching into his pocket to give Eddie an offering. “Here, you want a fortune cookie?”

Having learned his lesson now, Eddie is quick to shut it down.

“Absolutely not.”

EPILOGUE

“I, Sir Eddie Munson, dub THEE,” Eddie announces. “Dustin Randall Henderson, KING of Camp Knowhere.”

The boys chant adorn praises while Steve and Eddie wrap a linen mantle around Dustin’s shoulders. They then issue him a trash grabber to serve as his scepter, along with a dented paper crown from Crispy King to top off the look. Dustin bows at them gracefully.

“Thank you, thank you, my loyal subjects. First order as King — is D&D — with no curfew!”

“D&D, I thought we were watching Alvin and the Chipmunks,” Steve interrupts with a pout.

“Those fruity rodents can wait, Big Boy,” Eddie refuses. “Rise of Kas is tonight. I’ll teach you how to play if you’re game.” 

Steve is about to say something before he stops himself. Hey, why not? After all this time pretending to be Eddie, he never mastered playing a fantasy game.

“I’m in,” Steve humbly shrugs. “Let’s go!”

Everyone cheers before descending towards Mike’s basement, a proud King Dustin watching at the top of the stairs. All his friends are friends. Thanks to his invention. 

“Well don’t you look just ADORABLE?!” Karen Wheeler beams as she makes her way into the living room. “What are you supposed to be?” 

“Dustin Henderson,” he grins proudly, bowing once again. He politely takes Karen’s hand in his and plants playful kisses upon her knuckle. “King of Knowhere, to you, Lady Wheeler.”

“Why am I not surprised?” a cacophonous voice interrupts the beautiful moment.

Off in the corner sits a salty Ted Wheeler, reclined in his stupid LayZ Boy while playing Sudoku like he was last time. And the last time. And the last time. 

Dustin shakes his head. In Ted’s defense, Dustin would hate his life too if every day was the same as the one before. It was just sad. The complete killjoy should have been the last to speak about what Dustin does for fun.

“King of a place called Nowhere,” Ted remarks. “That’s exactly where you’re headed if you don’t start acting your age soon.”

“Oh, you wish you had my child-like whimsy,” Dustin hisses. “Someone’s just upset that they never had a childhood.”

But Mike’s dad fires back. “Someone’s just upset that they can no longer act like a child.”

Curly never understood what Ted Wheeler’s deal was. He’s got a nice house. A smoking hot wife. And three kids who Dustin is blessed enough to call his friends. What more could he possibly ask for? 

“You know what — Theodore?” Dustin demands. “I was going to banish you to my dungeon to embark on a journey towards eternal misery, but it seems like you’re already there, so I shall not issue you better. A true king does not internalize the opinions of common court jesters anyways.”

He chucks Ted a cookie. Hopefully it’ll rid him of his attitude. And replace it with empathy.

“Lucky for you, I don’t discriminate either.” He turns back to Karen and blows her a kiss. “Same time tomorrow?”

Karen rolls her eyes as Dustin starts towards the basement. And just before he joins his loyal subjects for Dungeons and Dragons, the little king stops to read his fortune.

"You are about to embark on a curiosity voyage."

Dustin chuckles to himself.

"...in bed," he adds.

The little king hums happily to himself after popping the cookie into his mouth. There was no way in hell he’s letting Mike’s dad ruin his night. Not anymore.

“Man, I make one mean cookie.”

Meanwhile, ‘Common Court Jester’ Ted Wheeler gives in and goes to eat his fortune cookie as well. A sweet treat every now and then wouldn’t hurt anyways. Oh, the small joys of adult life.

“You know,” Karen speaks up, attempting to lighten the mood. “One of these days you’re going to miss them being this young. Or that you were 17 again, at least.”

“Well it sure isn’t today, I can tell you that much, honey.”

Karen scoffs, evidently accustomed to her husband’s dry humor by now. She then holds up some jell-o that she had made not too long ago.

“Care for some dessert?”

Ted shakes his head, holding up the fortune that came with Dustin’s cookie.

“No, thank you sweetheart, I think I’m set for tonight.”

Ted wipes his mouth as he chews. And, because curiosity got the best of him, he flips the strip of paper over to read his fortune. 

“You are about to embark on a curiosity voyage.”

Ted Wheeler shakes his head and tosses it to the side.

“I’ll say… If there’s one thing I CAN praise Dustin Henderson for, it’s that he makes a great fortune cookie!”

The End 👀🕰️

---

author's note (again): thank you my loves for tuning in and for all your support. want a cookie? 😇🥠

divider credits: @saradika-graphics @silkholland @dreamlandcreations

[justmeinadaze]

Secret Sinners Part 4 (Steddie X You)

A/N: I think I'm going to end Secret Sinners here but start like a idk season 3 or whatever for them raising their son together. No matter what we will see Demon Steddie and Y/N with their son. I'm just not sure if it will be here or a thing on its own.

Warnings: Demon Steddie X Human Fem Y/N, SMUT, soft smut between three beings that love each other :). FLUFF, the boys enter "the door" and have interactions with their son. Ellis talks about readers parents and Eddie's mom who have all passed (refers to them as angels). Boys go back home <3

ANGST, We get a visit from both of Steve's parents and they are anything but pleasant (they refer negatively to Ellis and shame Steve for loving Eddie and Y/N), Eddie talks about fears of becoming his father, Reader has a trigger moment due to events from last chapter and has a bit of a breakdown that they help her through (doesn't last long), Both boys go into a bit more details of what they saw with Mirage and how it still affects them in an attempt to comfort the reader (mentions of abandonment, death of a partner, being alone, some heavy themes), Reader talks about missing her parents so loss of a parent trigger for sure. I think that's it. We're got the usual mix of angst and fluff.

Word Count: 9174

Head Filled with Demons/Secret Sinners series here

Your eyes widen as the sound of shouting grabs your attention and you peak your head out of the room you were sitting in, meeting Ellis’s scared little face as he runs down the hallway to find you.

“Mommy… there’s an angry man stomping around. He’s scary.”

“It’s ok, baby, I’ll protect you. Just stay behind me okay?”

His black curls bounce as he nods, gripping the bottom on your shirt as you step forward and head towards the noise.  A demon you didn’t recognize was grumbling as he stomped around, fuming as he scratched at furniture and threw a photo frame to the ground. 

“HEY! Stop that!”

Red, glowing eyes met yours for a moment before dialing down and a growl left the creatures lips. 

“You’re Y/N? You’re the pathetic human who’s with my son?”

“Who are you?”

“I’m Bill Harrington, Steven’s father. You three should be ashamed.”, he spat in a disgusted tone. “I raised my son to be a powerful, strong solider who could lead any army. Yet he ran off with that freak and started fucking him.”

“Watch your mouth.”

“Excuse me?! You don’t get to speak to me that way!”

“I’ll speak to you anyway I see fit! I won’t have you bad mouthing Steve or Eddie in front of their son.”, you retort angrily as the small boy hugs your leg. 

“That thing is not my grandson. He’s part human which is so much worse than anything else my son has done. He’s pathetic and weak just like the rest of your species!”

A deep growl came from your side as another demon skidded into the living room and placed himself between you and Bill. 

Steve’s eyes glowed as he stared his father down. 

“Don’t talk about my son that way.”

“Well, well Steven. Look how far you fell. Being friends with a subordinate solider, killing a member of your team AND running away instead of facing the consequences. Getting captured and imprisoned as well as falling in love with not just one but two beings that are beneath you. You could have been great, son.”

“I AM great. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been with Edward and Y/N. They love me for me without me having to prove myself. My son will never go through what I did by having you as a father. Now…leave.”

“Or what?”, his father huffed.

“Try me, dad. I’m much stronger than I used to be and I’ll do anything to protect them.”

Scanning his son over, he gives you three one last look of disgust before abruptly disappearing. 

Steve quickly turns around and cups your face with his hands. 

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, baby, I’m fine. Ellis?”

When you tried to turn, the little boy wouldn’t let you as he clung to your back side tightly. His father tried to peak over you but every time he did the small demon moved away out of his sight. 

“Sweetheart, it’s ok. This is one of your daddies.”

As he clung to you tighter, Steve blinked before transforming into his human form thinking it might make the young demon more comfortable as he slowly sunk to his knees. 

“H-Hey, Ellis. I’m Steven…like your mom said I’m…I’m one of your dads.”

You feel your sons grip loosen a bit as he shuffles to your side and shyly takes in the man before him. 

“I’m sorry you had to see all that.”, he gestures behind him. “But I promise, I’m never going to let anyone hurt you or talk to you like that. Just like your mommy you’re safe with me and your other daddy.”

Softly smiling the boy shuffles to Steve, opening his arms wide as he wraps his arms around his neck. 

“Your dad is mean.”

Steve lets out a breathy laugh as his hands run through the small demon’s hair and down his face as his eyes fully take him in.

“Yeah he is. I swear I’m not like that.”

“Good!”, he exclaims as he gives his dad a big kiss on the cheek. “I hope my other dad finds the door like you did so I can meet him to. Grandma Munson says I have his spunk! I don know what dat means.”

Your eyes fluttered open as Steve bolted awake reaching out towards the air. 

“No! No, no, no.”

“What?! What’s happening?”, Eddie yawned as he sat up.

“Steven, how did you do that?”, you asked. 

“I was dreaming about a house and I heard my dad shouting. I’ve had dreams like that before but when I heard your voice I ran through it. Is he ok? He’s not alone there is he?!”

“Can someone explain to me what’s going on?”, the long-haired demon inquired now with slight panic added to the confusion.

“I saw him, Ed. I saw our son! He was so handsome and adorable. I can’t believe…”

“He’s definitely not alone. Ellis has told me before all he knows is my parents and Grandma Munson.”, you softly smile as you turn towards the other demon. “He said she told him he has your spunk.”

Eddie laughs through his teeth as he grins. 

“She used to tell me that all the time. That I’m rambunctious with too much energy but she always said it like a compliment.”

Grinning, you kiss his lips before taking a shower and getting dressed. 

“Hey, um, sweetheart, I was thinking we don’t have to go home right now if you just want to take a couple of weeks to rest. This last adventure was… was pretty heavy.”

“I know, Eddie, but I’m alright. Plus, I really want to see where you grew up and meet your friends and family.” As the demon sighs, Steve scans him over and just with both their looks alone you know something is wrong. “Talk to me, guys. What’s going on?”

“We haven’t been there is over 3,000 years. What if so much has changed we don’t recognize it anymore? Or nothing has changed and they will be prejudice against you as well as Steve and I’s relationship? Humans are thought to be weak in most realms even yours, princess. What about how they feel about me? What if some people still believe I killed Chrissy? Or what if they hunt down Steve for actually killing a solider? What if—”

“Honey!”, Steve interrupts as he sits beside him and wraps his arm around his shoulders. “Everything’s going to be ok. We won’t know unless we actually go. Let’s take this one step at a time alright?”

“Steven…you didn’t see what I saw when we were at that other realm. You both were dead. I saw you bleeding in my arms. I can’t…I don’t…I’m scared. And now that I know we have a son to protect, I’m even more on edge.”

“Edward, I agree with Steven. Everything’s going to be alright. When we’re together we can fight anything and I know Ellis would agree.”

Smiling up at you, he pulled you to him as he tenderly kissed your tummy over your shirt.

“Okay, let’s do this.”

After giving him one more peck, Steve rose to his feet and worked his magic to create the portal you needed to go through to their realm. Even with what you could see, it already looked different from the memories they had shown you. The sky seemed a lot clearer and the atmosphere felt more at peace.

The demon stepped through first, completely on guard as he scanned the area around him. Once he gave the go ahead, Eddie followed after him, sighing a pleasure filled sigh when he felt the wind hit his face. They both turned to look at you, extending their hands and you took them both, taking a deep breath as you stepped through. 

############

They changed into their demon forms as soon as the portal closed before putting the hooded garment over your head just to be safe because even they weren’t sure what they were walking into. 

“Well, one fear down. Good to know Mirage’s potion works.”, Steve smirks. “Now, where to first?”

“My uncles house is just down the way here. Knowing him even in all this time, he’d never move.”, Eddie rolls his eyes playfully making you smile. “We can walk it. I feel like flying right now may draw too much attention.”

Nodding, Steve took your hand as he trailed behind the long-haired demon leading the way. You marveled at the area around you, surprised by how much it genuinely looked like any other small, old Camelot style town. When you showed them The Princess Bride, they had mentioned how some of the set pieces reminded them of home but you thought it was mostly just the castle.

All the memories they had shown you were mostly of the battlefield and the area around their base so seeing their little town made you smile as you pictured small Edward and Steven running around. 

After a short walk, you three enter a secluded area out of the way about a good short distance from the town you had just passed through. His uncle’s home was rather compact, looking like it would be bit of a squeeze for you let alone two demons like him and Eddie. 

“What?!”, a gruff voice called from the other side of the door that the metalhead had knocked on.

“Open the door, you grumpy old demon!” The sound of the things falling filled your ears before the front door finally squeaked open. “Hey Wayne.”

Without saying a word, his uncle tackled his nephew into a strong bear hug as he held his head to his shoulder. You could see Eddie’s own shoulders shake as he cried wrapping his arms around him tighter. 

“I missed you so much, kid.” Pulling him back, he scanned his face as if making sure he was really there and this wasn’t dream. “When I got Y/N’s letter, I still didn’t think it was real that you were safe, but I never gave up hope.”

The young demon’s head turned to you as you softly smiled.

“That day Dustin left, I gave him letters to give to Wayne and Robin telling them what had happened and that you both were free. I just wanted them to know you were okay.”

Cupping your face, Eddie kissed your lips as Steve tilted your head to do the same. 

“Wayne, this is Y/N.”

After giving you a big hug as well, he ushers everyone inside to hear all the stories you three had to tell. 

***

“Geez, you’re very brave, Y/N. Not many beings let alone humans have gone toe to toe with Henry and survived.”

“I love them and I’d do anything for them, just like I know they would for me.”, you beam as Eddie pets your head. 

A knock on his door startles everyone except Wayne who smirks with a slightly mischievous grin. 

“Steven, can you get that for me, son?”

When he does what he’s asked, his brows furrow when no one is standing outside. Walking out in the grass, he looks around confused before suddenly disappearing from your view as he’s tackled to the ground. Panicking, you run to help only to find a figure you recognize punching the demon’s arm lightly as he flinches. 

“Don’t. You. Ever. Scare. Me. Like. That. Again!”, Robin scolds, hitting him between each word. Smiling wider than you had ever seen, Steve wraps his arms around her and gives her a hug that she reciprocates. “I missed you, Dingus.”

“I missed you to.”

Dusting off her pants, she bounces to her feet before helping him to his. 

“You must be Y/N. I’m Robin.”, she smiles, hesitating as she reaches to shake your hand. 

“Oh, you can touch me.” To prove your point, you close the distance by giving her a hug as well.

“Wow. You are incredibly soft.”, she muses as she leans forward to hug you again.

“Hey, hey, hey. This one is ours; find your own.”, her friend teases pulling you out of her grasp as you giggle. 

*** 

That night you feigned sleep to allow both boys some private time with the two people they loved most. As you sat on the bed in Eddie’s old room, you couldn’t help but listen as Steve and Robin sit outside, drinking a beer, and talking by a campfire Wayne had made. 

“Nah, I’ve been really good. Settled down with this beautiful woman who owns the bar in town. Demons here can still be rude as hell but the town has gotten a lot more tolerant when it comes to beings like me.”

“That’s good to hear. That was one of our concerns about coming back since Eddie and I are together now to.”

“WHAT?!”

His eyes widen as she excitedly pushed up onto her knees waiting for him to tell her more.

“I thought…you knew…Y/N wrote you guys…”

“She wrote me a letter telling me what happened and that you were safe. She didn’t once mentioned that you were in love with Eddie! Oh my god. I’m so happy for you; all of you. Was it kind of awkward the first time with you two?”

“Um, no actually. It kind of felt right, to be honest.”

“Yeah, that guy is a good dude.”

You grinned as they giggled like kids before a throat clearing caught your attention. 

“Hey. I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

“No, not at all, Wayne. Come in, please.”

The demon smiled as he entered the room and took a seat beside you as he sighed.

“I just wanted to thank you again for what you did. I, uh, I missed him so much.” Nodding, you circled your arms around his neck and give him a tender hug as he patted your arm with his palm. “I’m sorry, it’s still weird that I can touch you and you’re not scared of any of us in this form. I heard humans can be quite jittery when it comes to demons especially when they look like us.”

“You’re not wrong. I was scared of them when I first saw them but I wanted to get used to them in this form because it’s who they are. To me, they are so handsome and so are you.” Wayne blushes as he sarcastically rolls his eyes making you laugh. “Their personalities also help especially since they are protective and kind to me.”

The demon’s soft red eyes scanned you over as your own gaze shifted away into a memory. 

“Eddie told me about Mirage… how you saw them like their fathers. His dad was my brother so I have some insight into how his dad could be. I promise you that kid out there is nothing like that and Steve definitely isn’t anywhere close to Bill.”

“I know. It’s just…so hard to shake the image. It felt so real and I was so…terrified.”

“I can understand that.”

“What was Eddie like, Wayne? Growing up.”

“A bit of a pain in the ass if I’m being honest.”, he jokes as you laugh. “He was always a sarcastic little man with a good heart which Allen hated. Edward kind of always had a knack for music. His mother used to sing to him all the time and play instruments for him. I truly believe he inherited his abilities from her.”

“Oh, so that thing he can do with his guitar…that’s genetic?”

“Kind of. Elizabeth’s voice was always soothing to anyone but not enough to lull them the way his does. I believe he utilized that trait and learned how to wield it the way he does.”

“That means Ellis may have that gift to.”

“So, it’s true? You’re pregnant.”, Wayne asks, grinning when you nod. 

Eddie’s uncle flashes you another polite grin before patting your knee and rising to his feet. 

“I’ll let you rest but, yeah…I’m glad to have you as a part of our family.”

***

Yawning, you stretch your arms and open your eyes to find your son leaning against the bedroom door.

"Ellis, what are you--"

"Shhhhh!”, he scolds as he waves his hand gesturing you over. As quietly as possible, you climb out of bed and sink down to your knees, placing your ear on the door facing him. “Granma Munson is talking to daddy.”

“I’m scared, mom. What if I turn into what Y/N saw—”

“Edward Munson, you and I both know you are nothing like him.”

“I’m capable of it. I used to be such an asshole. Even when we first met Y/N, I wasn’t exactly kind.”

“Look at what you went through, sweetheart.”, she cooed. “Let me ask you something. In all the time you knew Steven, did you ever hurt him? No? And when you fell in love with him, did that change?”

“No. The thought never even crossed my mind…”

“What about with Y/N?”

“I was always afraid of hurting her because she was so fragile but after what SHE went through… Mom, I just love Ellis so much already and it would kill me if he was ever afraid of me like that.”

“You have nothing to worry about, baby. Trust me. You should meet him. He’s so much like you; funny, sweet, energetic, and very protective of his mom.”

“I-Is he here? I don’t have a…a door…like Y/N.”

Rising to your feet, you take hold of your son’s hand and open the bedroom door, taking slow steps down the hallway as he lags behind. 

Elizabeth shifted into her human form and Eddie followed suit without question. 

“He’s not quite used to the demon form yet but I imagine growing up seeing you guys as yourself he will.”, she grins as you both come into view. “Ellis, come here and meet my son. He’s the one I’m always talking to you about, remember?”. 

“My daddy…”

Eddie releases a shaky breath at the sound of the little boy’s voice as you try and push him lightly forward. The demon’s chocolate hues scan him over, taking in every little detail as his son does the same before a big smile stretches across his face. 

“Granma says you’re good with guitars. Will you teach me?”

“Yeah, yeah, buddy. I can teach you. Holy shit.”, he curses as his palm caresses the boy’s face. “You have Steven’s smile.”

“He laughs like you though.”

“Yeah, he does.”, Eddie’s mom agrees with you.

Both beings chuckle at the same time making you two grin as they prove your point. As he did with his other father, Ellis circled his arms around the demon’s neck and his dad promptly held him tightly to him, pressing a soft kiss to his temple. 

“I love you, daddy.”

Eddie shot up wrapping his arms around his chest as if he was still clinging to his son. Sitting up beside him, you tried to comfort him as he struggled to catch his breath. 

“Where…how… is he…”

“It’s ok, baby. He’s fine, trust me. Everything’s ok.”, you soothe as you rub his back. “Now how did YOU do that?”

“I…I don’t know. Being back here with Wayne and I talking about my mom… I just started dreaming about her and the next thing I know you’re both there.”, he exhales as he runs his fingers through his hair. “He has your voice. It’s so beautiful hearing something so soft come out of…us.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re not exactly pretty, honey.”, Steve answers as he sits up in bed beside you both. “Everything here, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, is rough. Rough elements, rough exterior, rough tones.”

“It’s part of the reason our kind can be so cocky when it comes to other beings but especially humans. You have your wars and violence but that’s nothing compared to our history. We’re monsters.”

“I don’t think that and you’ve been soft with me before.”

“Because we had to. You’re not fragile anymore. I mean, not that you were exactly. I’m just saying—”

“He’s just saying you experienced the difference after you first drank that stuff.”, Eddie chuckles. “Even the ‘demon way’ wasn’t exactly like that right, princess.”

“We should go see Dustin today. Maybe those little weirdos found out some things. I’m kind of curious myself how he’s blended together.”, Steve mused as he got out from under the covers and started getting dressed. “I mean Ellis has our horns, wings, things like that and your voice but his eyes and skin are a mixture of all three. It’s fascinating.”

“Wait. Steven, I thought, maybe, we’d visit your mom.” The demon freezes in place as you continue to speak. “You haven’t seen her and I’m sure she misses you.”

“Plus, your douchebag dad won’t be there to cause problems. What?!”, Eddie flinches as you lightly smack his arm.

“Um, yeah. I guess…I guess we can do that. Let’s, uh, let’s do that after Henderson’s. I really want to find out more about our son and how this pregnancy will work for you.”

################

Dustin was ecstatic when his friends knocked on his door, beaming wide as he wrapped his arms around you before inviting you three into his home. 

It was a modest little dwelling that you would compare to mobile home in your realm. It stretched a good size across his little space of land allowing each his two older boys to have their own room while his twin girls shared a room together. Suzie was a delight, filling you in on some trivia when it came to her and the love of her life while the boy’s talked. 

When it was time for the kids to go outside and play, you sat in their living room eating the food you guys had brought along with you as the young demon spread out documents on the floor while the other two demons stood over him. 

“To be quite frank, we didn’t find much on demons like us impregnating a human. To be fair, like you said the creepy vision lady told you, humans can’t get pregnant from us unless they have that potion which only two people in existence have. But, we did find some things about other realms having babies with humans and those beings were, in essence, an extension of us, so to speak. Honestly though, I wouldn’t take much stock in it as it sounds like something from a horror story than ground in any kind of reality.”

“So, you found nothing then?”, Steve inquired with a tone.

“Uhhhh, no, but Michael and I did some research into human anatomy. They reproduce similar to us—”

“Obviously.”, Eddie cuts him off making you smirk his way.

“IN THE SENSE OF, they carry for 9 months, feel the kicks, and cravings…all that. Since demon babies aren’t born with all the accessories, she should be able to have him naturally. My concern would only be her health but with the potion, I’m not sure how that works.”

“What do you mean?”, you ask.

“I mean, we don’t know what a being like us can do to a being like you internally. For example, you’re eating food; we don’t eat food.” You immediately pause as you lower the sandwich in your hand. “If we do eat we become incredibly sick like food poisoning so to speak but you need to eat, Y/N, and we aren’t even sure yet if he will want food since he’s half you. The contractions and labor without the potion would have killed you but now…we just don’t know.”

“Did you find out why he looks like both of us? Especially since like you said our reproduction is just like theirs.”, Steve muses as he sits next to you and encourages you to finish your meal. 

“Personally, I think it’s just…super sperm.” Both demon’s narrow their eyes at the young boy as you laugh. “I mean, come on. Our little guys are pretty powerful. I’m not surprised both your soldiers got through.”

“Ok, ok.”, Eddie cringes as Dustin shrugs. “Good thing we don’t eat food because if we did mine would be the floor from hearing you say shit like that.”

“No matter what, it seems like it’s all trial and error from this point forward?”

Henderson nods as his eyes meet yours at your question. 

“Exactly.”

***

“Geez, I never thought I’d see this house again.”, Steve mutters under his breath as his gaze drifts along his childhood home. 

Knocking on the door beforehand to no response, he slowly squeaks it open as the three of you enter the cold feeling mansion. His parents had a gorgeous, Beverly hills style dwelling that seemed just a rung below the castle you had seen in the memories they had provided. 

“Mom?!”, Steve shouted and was once again met with silence. 

You couldn’t help but smile as your fingers grazed photos of what you assumed was little Steven hugging his mother tightly as she kissed his forehead, his grin almost a duplicate of Ellis. As you unintentionally detached from them, your eyes remained focused on the wall beside you as you took in each photo before you. Gradually, your heart slowly broke as you noticed that smile slowly fade off his face especially in images he shared with his father. 

After coming to the end of the hall, you were met with a door you very much recognized. Instead of being tossed through this time, you were able to open it and walk into the study, taking in the fact that it looked exactly the same as Mirage had shown you. Even the maps were still pinned on the wall above a desk that had a bottle of something you presumed to be liquor.

It was almost like one of their memories as you envisioned a tiny, beaming Steve sitting on the floor, playing with toys as quietly as possible while still being near his father, a man he so desperately wanted approval from. 

“Goddamn it…JANET HARRINGTON! Come get your loud child out of my study! I’m trying to focus.”

“I’m sorry, daddy. I’m just…trying to practice being a solider like you were!”

“Ugh, stop calling me that. You’re not a baby. Grow the fuck up and you’re not going to be anything playing with childish toys like this! I swear, Steven, you’ll never be good at anything if you don’t use your fucking brain.”

The feeling of a hand on your shoulder startles you as your arms flies and smacks someone hard.

“Ow! Fuck me! It’s ok, Y/N! You’re alright.”, Eddie winces as he holds his palm over his cheek. It takes him a few seconds to realize something was amiss as he watches your eyes dart around the room. “Sweetheart?” As he takes a step forward, you flinch as you fold into yourself and away from him making his heart shatter. “STEVEN!”

Sliding down to the floor, you cover your ears as the long-haired demon helplessly follows your decent as he listens to you whisper to yourself.

“What?! What happened?!”

Without hesitation, Steve falls to his knees and reaches for you to comfort you before pausing when you curl tighter into yourself.

“My Edward and Steven would never hurt me. My Edward and Steven would never hurt me. My…This isn’t real. It isn’t real. Isn’t real…”

“Y/N, honey, it’s us. It’s ok. Everything is ok. This isn’t one of Mirage’s test, baby. We beat her. YOU beat her. It’s ok.”

Red light flashes as Eddie shifts into his human and Steve quickly follows suit. 

“Look at us, princess. The demon’s you met and fell in love with. We’re right here and you’re right, baby, we’d never hurt you.”

After a few more moments, you blink and look up to meet their soft, worried faces. Abruptly, your arms circle tightly around Eddie’s neck and his hand pets your head as he feels your hands shake against his back.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you. I just—”

“Shhhh, hey, it’s ok, Y/N. Everything is ok.”

“Steven?”

The demon turns at the sound of his mother’s voice as he, out of habit, rises to his feet to greet her. 

“Mom. Hey. I hope it’s alright that we—”

Her arms wrapping tightly around him cutting him off as she presses her head to his chest and sobs. 

“I never thought I’d ever see you again.”, she whispers as the demon holds her tightly to him. 

***

Steve picks up the funeral picture of his father as he grimaces at the formal image. His dad had posed for this photo long ago due to his occupation stating that when he died this is the image he wanted displayed above his grave and in the halls of fallen soldiers.

“I keep that one by his armor because I know that’s what he would have wanted.”, his mom explains as she offers him a drink that he declines. 

“How did he…?”

“He would tell you in battle but truth of the matter is he was old and sick. After everything… he, um, on his last day he insisted on fighting and took out a good few of the enemy before passing.”

“Hm. You see it as honor, I see it as stupidity. He raised me to be a solider and as one I can assure you him doing that could have put his command in danger.”

“So, that’s your girlfriend out there? She seems nice. A bit timid but—” 

“She’s been through a lot but I assure she’s incredibly strong.”, Steve sighs as he leans against the desk and folds his arms. “Why are you still here, mom? This place is too big for you to be alone.”

“This is where you grew up, sweetie. I have so many good memories here with you and your dad.”

“Yeah but more bad than good. I hate the idea of you being alone surrounded by all that.”

“I’m not alone anymore though. You’re home.”

“We aren’t staying here.” Her eyes shoot up and lock with his at his words. “I mean, the three of us need to talk about where we are staying exactly but I don’t think it’s good for the four of us especially Y/N to be in this realm after what I just saw.”

“Four?”

“Yeah. You’re, um, about to be a grandma.”

Her shocked expression paints her face as she gets up and refills the liquor in her glass. 

“She’s a human.”

“She fought for a way to be with us forever because of that we were able to—”

“No, Steven, I mean…she’s a human. Your father would roll over in his grave if he found out you were starting a family with someone beneath you. You deserve so much better, baby.”

The demon blinks as he gathers his thoughts, not surprised by her reaction but still bewildered after everything they had been through that she could still side with his father. Shaking his head, he started to walk away but she quickly got up to stop him. 

“Please, sweetheart. I’m just telling you the truth. You’ve been away for so long. Why don’t you just let Edward have her and the baby and you can stay here with me for a few years. Trust me, you’ll realize we were right and you can settle down with a nice girl—”

Yanking out of her hold, he stalks down the hallway, his eyes glowing a bright red as he turns into the living room where Eddie was holding you to allow you some time to breathe while he talked to his mother. 

“Come on. We’re leaving.”

“Is everything alright?”

Another set of red glowing eyes entered the area as Steve’s mom growled and poked the demon’s chest hard. 

“Everything is not alright! You took my son away from us by meddling where you didn’t belong! You are just like your peasant father causing problems everywhere you go! Goodness, the hubris you must have to meddle with lives above your station! Do him a favor, take your human, and that thing and leave my son alone!”

All three demons in the room glared at each other as yours stood protectively in front of you. 

“My son isn’t a thing and neither was yours.”, you sighed in frustration as you shoved your body between them to place yourself in front of his mom. “I saw it… I’ve seen Steven’s memories. All the pain you both put him through but especially you. More than anything he just wanted you to stand up for him and defend him against his dad but every time he called him stupid or made him feel worthless, you did nothing. Even when he went missing, his friends went looking for him but not you two. Why?”

His mom exhaled as her eyes softened.

“Bill said this was his punishment. After he killed a fellow solider and deserted with a murderer…he deserved to be banished.”

“You didn’t want to even find out what happened? Learn where he was?”

“I was afraid of what I would find...”

“Hm. And I’m weak.”, you sass.

Her eyes glowed again as she turned towards you and you matched her as you stepped forward. 

“Hey, no. Come on. Let’s get out of here.”, Steve encouraged as he grabbed your arm. 

“Steven, please!”, his mom begged.

Chuckling under his breath, he turned to face her. 

“You insulted the two people I love and called my son a thing. I’d rather go back in that fucking stone then stay here.”

###############

Something loud crashing into the wall shakes you from sleep as you sit up in bed and hastily run out into the living room of the home you had been visiting so many times in your dreams. The are was trashed with furniture flipped and glass broken everywhere. As you looked around you, Steve and Eddie skidded into the area as their eyes scanned yours trying to figure out what’s going on. 

You glance down a hallway and bolt towards the sound of chaos before coming to a dead stop when you round the corner, finding a tiny frame hurtling a bed out the window. 

“Ellis!” The little demon turned around at the sound your voice, his glowing eyes immediately calming as he runs to your arms. “Sweetheart, what happened?”

As both his fathers came into view, his eyes glowed again as he placed his small body in front of your own. 

“You…LIED!”, he growled as he pointed their way. 

“Buddy—”

Eddie pushed Steve out of the way and to the ground as a large object flew in their direction. 

“You said we were safe with you!”

“You are, Ellis! We would never hurt you or your mom.”

“LIAR!”

As he charged their way, you quickly placed your body in front of theirs. 

“Hey! This is not how we behave when we’re upset. We talk to each other. Now, what happened?”

The little boy roared towards the ceiling as he expanded his wings and flew out the bedroom door. Steve was faster, practically tackling him while still protecting him with his body as they both hit the floor. Ellis tried to wiggle out of his hold but his father remained steadfast as he held him to his chest. 

“You know I used to destroy my makeshift house to when I was angry.”, he said softly in a human tone as he shifted. “Your dad spent sooooo many years listening to me cry and throw things but do you know what helped me? Knowing I could talk to him and he’d listen. Knowing that he loved me no matter how angry I got.”

You and Eddie sat on the floor in front of them both as he continued to try and squirm away but with less force than before. 

“You lied. You said you wouldn’t hurt us. Mommy was afraid of you both. I felt it!”, the boy shouted as he pointed towards your tummy.

“Baby, I…that’s a little complicated to explain. I’m not afraid of them. I promise, these two demons here would do anything to keep you and I protected.”

“But, mommy, it was strong and I was so worried about you! Granpa and granma said you were ok but I told them they have to say dat because they are your mommy and daddy.”

“That’s very fair. Grandma used to say your grandfather spoiled me too much.”, you giggle making a small smirk appear on his lips. “When I was your age, I used to get hurt all the time but grandpa always reminded me that my mom was a ballerina. If someone who can dance on their tip toes can fall and get back up then I definitely could.”

“On her tip toes?”, he asked with wide eyes. 

Grinning, you rose to your feet bringing Eddie with you as you clung to his arm. 

“Oh, I may be too old for this now.”, you laugh as you try and balance onto your toes before stumbling into the demon’s chest. 

“Wow. You suck at this.”, the long-haired demon teases in a light tone.

“Oh, ok, Mr. Guitarist. You try it.”

Ellis and Steve laugh as he obnoxiously raises his hands in the air like a typical ballerina and tries to do the move until stumbling over himself.

“Look, I work with my fingers not my toes.”

Taking your son’s hand, you bring him beside you as you four continue try and fail. After falling to the ground, he cackles as he grabs his stomach.

“Maybe only angels can do it!”

His words hit you hard but you shoved down the emotion as you kneel down in front of him. 

“Ellis, your mom and dads have been through so many adventures, some good and some not so good. Those not so good ones…can leave an impression sometimes.”

“But no matter what we’re here for you both, bud.”

“It’s our job to watch over you and I promise, kid, we would never let anything happen to either of you…because we know what it’s like to not feel safe.”

“Because of your daddies?” The blink completely taken by surprise. “Your daddy called me a thing and granma Munson told me your daddy wasn’t very nice.”

“Yeah, Ellis. He wasn’t.”

“You’re not a thing. I hope you know that.”, Steve urges as he reaches out to pet his curls. “You’re perfect.”

“Granpa says I’m a mir-ack-cle!”

The three of you slowly open your eyes and as soon as you do, you begin to sob. Both demons pull you back between them and hold you tightly as they coo soft words to comfort you. 

***

The rest of that morning you remained silent as you thought about everything that had transpired. The visions Mirage showed you that scared you and Steve’s parents degrading your son and their own just because he loved you and Eddie. You thought about how angry Ellis had been and how it killed you to see him in pain but you loved the fact that your parents were getting to spend time with him especially since they wouldn’t be in your world to see him grow up. 

“Seeing you two dead scared me.”, Eddie responds abruptly as your eyes find his and Steve props up on his elbow behind you. “I still think about it to…pretty much every day if I sit still long enough. I used to dream about it but I prefer these past few dreams more.”, he softly smiles. “Y/N, you were right where she was… just fucking gone and again I couldn’t do fucking anything. I couldn’t…I couldn’t bring you back.” 

“Steven, when we fought together, you rarely if ever got hurt. But you were next to Y/N…there was blood everywhere…I can still hear you telling me to run…begging me…” The demon’s jaw tightened as he tried to keep the memory at bay as the tears threatened to fall. “I couldn’t protect my mom or Chrissy. I couldn’t protect Steve from Maeve. Then I saw you both there and I kept thinking that little ballerina girl is right; everything is my fault.”

“Edward—“, you coo, gently as you reach up to caress his face.

“His mom said what she said and it hit a nerve.”

“Don’t listen to my mom, baby. Trust me. That woman has been miserable most of her life. I’ve never doubted that she loved me but, I don’t know, I think her love for my father and what he provided was greater.”, Steve sighed. “I, um, I still get terrified sometimes that this is all a dream and Eddie and I are going to wake up back in the stone…or I’m going to be alone. Mirage’s test felt so real…I wonder if this is my delusional dream. That I’m with you two and we’re having a baby. That you’re going to be able to live as long as we do and I can go home.” 

When his voice cracks your heart breaks and sit up to wrap your arm around him.  

“What killed me was not only not being able to even say goodbye to Edward but in her vision, Y/N, I fucking left him there. I abandoned him to be alone… When you ran, Ed, the thought of you being alone somewhere with the pain of what happened hurt me then but now after everything…”

Eddie sat up as well, cupping Steve’s cheek in his palm as they tenderly kissed each other before his lips tilted to the side to kiss away his tears.

“Y/N, you’re not alone in feeling what you feel. Even we understand that what we all saw wasn’t real but it was real to us. She played with our past to test us and… fuck…if she can do that no wonder she’s in a realm by herself.”, the long-haired demon soothes as he leans back to pet your head. “We know you aren’t afraid of us but if you ever need a moment or us to step back and give you space, we understand.”

Biting your bottom lip in thought you nodded before flashing them a comforting smile. 

“I like your uncle. He was telling me some things about little Edward and how much of a rebel you were. He said your mom kind of had the gift that you do so maybe Ellis might get it.”

They both grin as you three lean against the headboard. 

“Yeah, that would be cool. Can you imagine his soft voice lulling people? You kind of have it to you know. I mean not much but it was enough to calm me and him down.”

“Robin was telling me stories about you two training together. She said you tried to be intimidating the first time you met but she just laughed at you.”

“She definitely did and made fun of me but she’s incredibility smart. Robin saved my ass more than a couple of times. My dad hated her, thought she was too sloppy.”

“I’m sorry you grew up with them, Steven and you Edward with your dad. Seeing him, Ellis, stand up for me the way he did reminded me of—”

“Yeah, me to. Me to, sweetheart.”, he sighed kissing your temple. 

“I’m glad he’s spending time with your parents though, Y/N. Proves, like you, he’s a little angel. Oh, oh no. Honey, I’m sorry.”, he tried to comfort when you started to cry again.

“No, no. I’m glad to. I just miss them so much.”

“I know, baby.”

“At least we know he has one gift for sure; a door like you.”, Eddie smiles as he points to your forehead. “That’s how he can talk to them right? You’ve done that with your dreams before.”

“Can you play something, Ed? Something…soft.”

Thinking for a moment, he nods and hastily gets out of bed to grab his acoustic guitar nearby. As he strums his fingers, you feel your anxieties melt away as you keen into Steve’s chest. 

“Heaven, I'm in heaven And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak And I seem to find the happiness I seek When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek.”

You giggle as Eddie shuffles his shoulders in his seat, dancing to the Cajun music that plays across the street from the restaurant you guys were visiting in New Orleans. 

“I wish you guys could eat. The food here is so delicious.”

“Yeah? When we were here the boy that found us used to eat this thing with bananas and this brown sauce. It looked interesting.”, Steve grins as he watches you glow with every bite.

“The music here is fantastic! You want to dance with me, babe?”, the long-haired demon asks. 

“Oh God, no. I’m not good at it!”

“Even better. Come on, pretty girl.”

Steve cackles as Eddie yanks you to your feet, wrapping his arms around your waist as you hug him and laugh.

“Yes, heaven, I'm in heaven And the cares that hung around me through the week Seem to vanish like a gambler's lucky streak When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek.”

“It’s so insane how they do theater now adays!”, Steve stated excitedly as the three of you exited the auditorium. “I totally did not expect that chandelier to fall down into the stage.”

“Really though and how did they get the phantom to disappear from his chair at the end?”

“I assume you liked it then.”, you reply, grinning at their excitement.

“We did. Wow. The last time we saw a play was back when Shakespeare was pretty much the norm and the theaters themselves were in a coliseum type place.”

“They still have those. You can find outside venues here but we’ll have to make a stop in Rome and check out the coliseums there.”

“As long as we’re with you, sweetheart, we’ll follow you anywhere.”, Eddie claims fondly reaching for your hand as Steve pulls you to his side.

“Oh I love to climb to mountain And reach the highest peak But it doesn't thrill me half as much As dancing cheek to cheek.”

Having lost them for a moment in the museum, you find both demons glaring at a painting of men pushing a woman towards what looks to be a town square with a long pole surrounded by hay in the middle. 

“Eddie? Steve? Is everything ok?” They don’t respond but you hear a small growl emanate from them as they exhale. Sighing yourself in empathy, you lean against the wall in front of them. “It’s not your fault…what happened to Lizzy.”

“With Lizzy, she actually committed the crime. She hurt so many people… These women…THIS woman…did nothing wrong.”, Eddie murmurs as his eyes gesture towards the young lady in the painting. 

“Kind of like people back home. So many innocent men and women…children…put through a war or on trial for something they didn’t do or couldn’t control.”, Steve responds as memories flash through his mind.

“Like you.” They both rumble again, closing their eyes to keep their glowing irises from exposing them. “They didn’t even give you a chance to explain. Your king pointed a finger and you were found guilty even though the charge made no sense. Like you said…you were in a war…it makes more sense for Henry to have killed Chrissy than you, Edward. But it was your king’s idea to have them both be engaged… he couldn’t handle that notion so it was easier to blame you…banish you.”

“Steven, you are not like these men.”, you point towards the villagers. “You listened to reason and tried to find the truth if you could. The demon you were with that day blindly believed your best friend was guilty and ignored an order to bring him back alive. You did what you had to.”

Swallowing the tears that wanted to fall, Eddie was the first to open his and pull you into his embrace. 

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you to, baby.”, Steve adds as he wraps his arms around your waist. 

“I love you both.”

As soon as your eyes focused back on your current reality, Steve collected you in his arms till you were sitting on his lap and his palm guided your lips to his. He held your lower back as you grinded against him while a now fully naked Eddie helped disrobe you both. Clinging to his neck, you sunk yourself down on to the demon’s cock, the two of you holding each other tightly as if you’d disappear if one of you let go. 

“Ed…Edward…”

“I’m right here, princess. I’m not going anywhere.”, he answered in a gentle tone as his lips pecked along your shoulder. Placing his fingers under his chin, he turned his partners head and moaned as his lips passionately kissed his own. 

“Please—oh fuck—please Steven.”

Lifting you up, he flips you on to your stomach, sliding his length back inside you, and pushes your legs together as he roughly thrusts his hips. Eddie’s hand comes into your view, moving and playing with your hair so he can see your face as your eyes roll back. Keening into his touch, you listen to the pleasant sounds of Steve’s pants and the other demon’s needy moans as he slowly strokes his own cock. 

“So beautiful, sweetheart.”

“St-Steven—mmm—Steven please. Harder. Closer.”

Placing open mouth kisses up your spine along the way, he lays flat against you and circles his arms underneath you as he rolls his lower half into yours.

“I’m here to, baby. I’d never hurt you and I’d never abandon you. Fuck, honey, you feel so fucking good. Is this hard enough? Do you need it harder? Tell me, baby girl. I’ll give you anything.”, he whispers, groaning when your pussy clenches at his words. 

“Feels…feels good. I’m gonna…”

“Me to, pretty girl. Just hold—mmph—just hold on tight to Edward, baby.”

As the other demon intertwines his fingers with yours, Steve pumps into you faster making sure to still keep himself as close to you as possible. Your body shutters under his as you cum and he growls in pleasure at the feeling before releasing his spend deep inside of you.

Falling to your side, he moves out of the way to allow Eddie to take what’s his as well but the long-haired demon looks at you with confused eyes when you suddenly place your hand on his chest, stopping him as he attempts to climb on top of you.

“Are you ok, baby?”, he whispers as he kisses your lips lightly. 

Without saying a word, you nod before maneuvering them to face each other. When their normal demon eyes meet, Eddie smirks as he takes Steve in his arms and places him on his lap. 

“I’m sorry my family can’t see how special you both are. You’re nothing like your father, Edward.”

“Neither are you, sweetheart.”

Steve mewled loudly as he guided himself down on to his partner, slowly grinding against him and allowing Eddie’s length to nudge at that soft spot inside of him.

“I’d never leave you. I’d never leave you behind anywhere but especially not there.”, he whispered. 

“I know, baby. Fuck. I know.”

“Y-You’re not a freak and you’re not a-a peasant. You’re perfect. You both are. I’d—FUCK—I’d make all the same choices again if it always led me to you two.”

Placing his forehead on his own, Steve bounced harder against him as his palms cupped his face. 

“That’s it, Steve. Everything’s ok. As long as the three of us are together, we’re ok.”

The abrupt feeling of your lips on his skin made Eddie groan as he turned towards you to see your own fingers trying to keep up with the other demon’s pace as you thrust them inside of your sensitive cunt.

Quickly licking his own digits, he forced your hand out of the way and took over pleasuring you as the sound of your slick filled the room.

“Atta girl. Ride my fingers. Fuck…my two favorite beings riding me. Cum again, Steven. I l-like hearing that whine when you’re sensitive.”

With his free palm holding his lower back, Eddie encouraged his rhythm and intensity till the other demon whimpered weakly as his seed painted both their stomachs. 

“Good. Good boy.”

Your own mewl grabbed their attention and both demons watched your nails dug into his shoulder as the coil snapped. You both follow Eddie down against the mattress, kissing and sucking on his neck as he thrusts his hips upwards, chasing his own release until grunting as he coated his boyfriend’s insides with his spend.

You weren’t sure how long the three of you clung to each other afterwards but you were grateful for every minute, thankful that these two were yours. 

“I don’t want us to raise Ellis in our realm.” Steve’s sudden announcement sliced through the quiet as you two turned to look at him. “After what happened with Y/N and the way my mom was talking about him… I just think it would be better if he grew up here.”

Silently, you sat up to face them as you absorbed what he was saying.

“You two would have to have your masks up a lot and so would he.”

“When it comes to us, sweetheart, it’s fine. I mean we can be ourselves with you and then with him in private. I’m not going to lie though trying to explain that to a child is going to be difficult.”, Eddie sighs. 

“I don’t want him to be ashamed of who he is but I get what Steve is saying. Maybe, we can just play it by ear. Stay here back home in Hawkins and then when he hits that age we can talk about if we’d want to stay or move. He seems very articulate. He could tell us where he would feel comfortable.”

“I think that’s a good idea, babe, and of course Steve, we can go between and watch him. See if he’s more comfortable and happy here or in our realm. Plus, that way Wayne, Robin, and Henderson can see him.”

“Yeah of course. I didn’t mean it like I never want him to be there. Ellis has people in his life who don’t care about us being together or how different he may be. It’s everyone else I’m worried about. He’s not even here yet and two people have already called him names. I don’t like it.”

“I understand. Let’s…let’s focus on what we can right now. There’s so much we need and things to prepare for before he gets here. We also may need to discuss a source of income. My dad left me a good amount but that won’t last with a baby.”

Eddie pets your head as Steve leans forward to kiss your lips. 

“Come on, princess. Let’s get you showered and fed. Tonight we relax, tomorrow we head back to Hawkins.”

###############

@tlclick73 @tiannamortis @steeldaisies @goodhappyfriday @paleidiot @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes

@strangerthings64 @howlingco @eddiesguitarskills

@prettypeachsworld @nailbatanddungeon @notlempet

[jxfndm]

JEREMIAH FISHER ONE SHOT - READER x JEREMIAH FISHER

"i’ll keep you safe"

CONTENT - FLUFF, SOME ANGST

WARNINGS - PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THE FOLLOWING TOPICS AFFECT YOU <3 | self harm, mental health, mature descriptions/cussing

description - it’s another summer in cousins, youre about to indulge in your favorite fisher, except you’re feeling lost and tired. your anxiety is high, the depression has come back, and you’re just not up to it like you normally are. sweet boy jere might just be your one true escape from reality <3

JEREMIAH FISHER

I waited out on the porch for Y/N and the Conklin family to arrive. Y/N was Belly’s best friend, but was here every summer for the past 7 years without fail. She quickly became my best friend too. This was my favorite time of the year, and even more so this year because me and Y/N have been talking for the past few months. This summer, I was determined to ask her out, I wanted her to be mine.

Con stepped out and joined me, a smile plastered wide on his face, but his focus on his phone. I coughed, resulting in Con looking up at me.

"Belly texting you?" I questioned. He grinned, that was a yes. "I could tell."

"I’m just excited to see her, it’s been like a month." Connie said, a smile tugging at his lips with every word he said. "Better than me and Y/N, I haven’t seen her since New Year’s." I stated. Conrad just looked at me and shrugged.

"Well, maybe if you tell her how you feel.." Conrad started. I sighed and nodded. "I will, don’t worry." I said.

Conrad went back to his phone, we ended up sitting out on the stairs of the porch, waiting for their arrival. 15 minutes later, a familiar car had pulled up to the driveway.

"They’re here! Oh boys, there you guys are. Let’s greet them!" mom exclaimed, running past us. Me and Con exchanged grins as we watched the car unload with our favorite people. Connie went straight to Belly, while I high-fived Steven, catching up with his most recent mishaps.

"Dude, this summer is gonna be dope! Especially when my girl, Taylor, comes down for Belly’s birthday!" Steven stated excitedly, a smile was plastered all over his face. I nodded back in response, I had forgotten all about Tay and Steven. "Well man, it’s good to have you here. We should go out tonight, all of us." I suggested, earning a smirky approval from Steven.

While Steven was talking, I couldn’t help but notice Y/N clung to Laurel. That wasn’t normal, usually she would’ve saved me from Steven’s annoyance by now.

"Hey man, let me unpack real quick. I’ll catch you up on what’s been the move!" Steven yelled, lugging his suitcases into the house. I grinned at him, focusing my attention back on Y/N, who was not by Laurel’s side anymore. I was confused, where had she gone?

I jogged over to my mom and Laur, earning a wide smile from Laurel, cueing me to embrace her. "Jere! Look at how much you’ve grown! Ready to go off to college?" Laurel asked, a smile painted on her face the entire time. I smiled back, "Yup, dorming and everything." I responded. Laurel nodded, exchanging proud grins with my mom. I looked around, still no Y/N.

I was desperate to find her at this point, this just wasn’t like her to not mingle amongst us all.

"Hey, uh Laur, where did Y/N go? I saw her with you a few minutes ago, but now I can’t seem to find her. She didn’t even say hi." I said lowly, Laurel’s smile quickly fading.

That didn’t seem good.

"I’m sorry Jere, she’s just not feeling good right now. Her mom and Belly mentioned she hasn���t felt good the past few weeks. I wish I had more answers for you, but you’re her best friend. Maybe you can turn things around for her." Laurel explained. I was a little confused, was she sick? A small feeling of concern took over me. "She told me she was going to unpack, I’m sure she’s in her room somewhere. Don’t worry sweetheart, everything will be okay." my mom said, squeezing my arm with a small smile.

"Thanks, I’ll follow up with her." I said, giving them both hugs as I trailed off into the house. Everyone was occupied, I was focused on getting to Y/N as soon as I could.

Y/N

As I headed off from Laur and Susannah, I couldn’t help but feel all those emotions at once again. I wanted to cry, I wanted to ignore everyone and everything. The happiest part of the year felt so solemn to me, everything about my life felt so stagnant right now.

The past few weeks, my anxiety and depression have been terrible. I had yet to tell anyone why, even Belly, my bestest friend since the 4th grade. I couldn’t even look at Jeremiah, the boy I really really liked, my best friend.

I felt like the world was swallowing me every time I took a step. Getting to my room felt like a mission, but as soon as I shut the door, I broke into a million pieces.

Useless. A waste of space. You’ll never amount to anything.

The thoughts in my head kept running, my vision was blurred by the amount of tears I’d been shedding.

I knew how to silence them. A year ago, I would’ve said that this could never help anyone going through things, but here I was reaching for the small blade I kept tucked in my bag.

I stood up, facing my figure in the mirror. I had looked weak, all the nights I couldn’t sleep and the meals I was pushing away was showing as clear as day now. I fell to my knees sobbing, pulling up the sleeve of my sweater, taking in all the marks of my emotions. I sobbed so much, I wasn’t aware someone was with me.

JEREMIAH FISHER

As I approached her room, I heard light sobbing. My heart broke at the sound, and confusion rushed through my head. What the fuck was going on? I slowly opened the door to Y/N’s room, horrified at the sight I was seeing.

She was huddled over in front of her mirror, a blade small, but evident, in her right hand. Her left arm was scarred. Her sobs were consistent, the pain evident in each and every one of her cries.

I didn’t know whether to feel upset with any asshole who could’ve hurt our Y/N or sad at the idea that Y/N had been struggling in silence. I didn’t know any of this was going on, because every time we talked, she was nothing but happy and positive.

As soon as I saw her, I rushed over, grabbing the blade from her and kneeling down to her level. I pulled her into my chest quickly, rubbing the smalls of her back, embracing the scent of vanilla and flowers emitting from her hair.

I could tell she wasn’t aware of my presence prior, seeing she was just sobbing, hard now. Her body trembled in my arms, I was doing everything I could to get her to stop, but I knew she was feeling more than I’d probably ever be able to comprehend right now.

All I cared about, was her. Every cry broke me, and made me wonder why I hadn’t known. She was in pain and I didn’t know. Had I known, maybe there wouldn’t have been as many scars, maybe she wouldn’t feel so much right now. A million things were running through my head, but I just wanted to be there for her. I didn’t want her out of my sight, I wanted her in my arms, for as long as she needed.

"Y/N, shh. It’s Jeremiah. Calm down, what’s going on?" I cooed, carefully brushing away pieces of her hair, revealing her tear-stained face.

"I-it h-h-hurts." she choked, coughing as her sobs continued.

"What hurts? Y/N please talk to me. I’m right here, I promise I won’t leave your side. Please, just tell me what’s going on. I want to help you." I pleaded, desperate to know what could be hurting her so bad.

As soon as I knew who had done this to her, I was gonna beat their ass and ensure they wouldn’t have the privilege of seeing her ever again."

"Fuck, everything. E-everything fucking hurts Jere." she coughed out. I sat there silently, my full attention on her. "I was finally happy, I felt so good, so a-at peace. T-then I started comparing myself, to everyone. All the girls at school, all my friends, e-even the girls you’ve ever been with. A-and I fell so bad, I fell down a bad hole, of depression and anxiety. It-it’s been so bad, and the only thing that takes the p-pain away is cutting. I just-"

I slammed my lips on hers. I wanted to so badly take away the pain she was feeling. I wanted her to know that nobody, anyone in the world, could take away how special she was. To me, she was beyond everything I could ever want.

I didn’t expect her to kiss back, partly because I had caught her off guard, but she kissed back, hard.

The kiss was filled with passion, almost like a need from both of us. Our lips moved in perfect sync, the intensity rising between us both.

Her hands found ways to my chest, feeling my skin underneath my shirt. Calmly, without shaking, her hands made their way to my torso. My hands trailed down to her waist, softly grabbing her.

After a few moments, we finally pulled apart. We were breathing heavily, but her eyes looked at me pleadingly.

"Y/N, listen to me," I started, still rubbing her sides. "You are amazing, beautiful, everything I could ever fucking want. You mean everything to me, and nothing could ever change that. I know you’re hurting, but fuck, I love you so much that I will be here anytime you break down. I’ll hold you and remind you of what you mean to me. Please, I need you here, with me. Nobody else in this world could ever be you, I’m fucking crazy about you. I’ll keep you safe, that’s my promise."

A single tear dropped from her eye, but soon enough, a smile appeared on her face. Her eyes beamed with light, true light.

"I love you too, Jere. I want you, all the time. Please stay." she begged. A smirk pulled on my lips. I planted one soft kiss on her forehead.

"I’m here, baby. Don’t worry anymore." I said, nuzzling into her neck, letting her play with my hair and soak up my embrace. We stayed like that for a few moments, till she insisted taking a nap, in which I got under the covers and held her closely.

No matter how long she would need to heal for, I’d be here for every step.

~

a/n - first jere one-shot lol, s3 im ready for youuuuuu! im a team jere girly, but at the end of the day, i love the books, the show, the cast, all of it. hope you enjoyed! <3

[einsteinsugly]

September 1967. Hide and Seek.

Eric gets bullied, every single day.

The boys are mean, but so are the girls. Well, that Katie girl thinks he's cute, but that's about it.

The boys come with brute force, like villains in the comic books he reads. Destroy and Giveback love to destroy his things. Every comic book he brings to school, they rip in half.

The pages of the latest Spiderman comic flutter away, in his face, and he's about to burst into tears. Pick your battles, pick your battles…

"I heard they're making a Spiderman cartoon," One of the girls loudly mocks, "Nerd."

A small redhead nibbles on the last of her bologna sandwich, with a swig of Coca Cola. It washes right down, and she groans. Turning to the crowd, not so subtly. "Don't listen to them, Eric."

Destroy loudly guffaws. "Shut up, Raggedy Ann."

"Don't make me kick your butt!"

"I'd like to see you try," Destroy announces. Donna tries to lunge at him, and tries to fling her Coca Cola bottle at his head, but with temporary, superhuman strength, Eric somehow manages to hold her back.

Well, by principle, moreso than by superhuman strength. Because she comes to her senses, and she doesn't want to get in trouble. Even though she really, really wants to. Maybe she'll kick their butts after school.

A few awkward moments pass, and the cafeteria quiets down. Well, as much as the cafeteria can quiet down.

"The nerds always win, in the end," Eric mutters, to his bestest friend in the whole wide world, "Just wait and see…"

Suddenly, a scruffy, dirty boy appears. He usually hides in the corner of the cafeteria, and he has no friends, but everybody's scared of him.

So, Steven Hyde has an offer he can't possibly refuse. "If you give me the rest of your lunch, I'll be your hired gun."

"They're not scared of a girl," Eric affirms, handing over everything except his tin lunchbox, and the napkin his mom writes little notes on, "You look scary."

"They should be." Donna can't restrain her anger this time around. She subtly punches him in the gut, under the table, and Eric quietly writhes in pain. "You should be, too."

It's more of a forceful nudge, but he's scared straight. "Okay, I need you to protect me from her, too."

Hyde smirks, and so does Donna. "No guarantee."

*****

Author's Notes:

Happy Thanksgiving! Here's part two of my gift.

Canon constantly contradicts when Eric and Donna met. One episode says their entire lives (although there may be exaggeration at play), and another says at age seven. So I've arrived at a rough median, at the age of four, an exact homage to the pilot. Only certain elements of Class Picture make sense, and when they do (they do, two-thirds of the time), I'll include them. When they don't, I'll make small edits, like Hyde being a hired gun to protect Eric from Donna makes no sense, especially if they've been friends since they were four. That, and I can't see Donna being that mean to Eric for that long (a week or two, probably, in Class Picture). I can see her being standoffish, but not downright bullying him. She's mean to him a little bit here, but he deserves it.

[pretend-theres-a-name-here]

Hide Your Heart pt. 3

Part 3 of my Steve has bad parents au

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |

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It was the middle of the night and Steve still hadn’t slept for more than an hour. He just tossed and turned, twisting around and laying flat. He found himself staring at his ceiling fan, watching the blades turn lazily. He had all but memorized the pattern of the wood, he never was very good at sleeping by himself. His mom used to have to read him to sleep when he was a kid, when his parents were gone he would talk to himself, if only to trick his brain into thinking he wasn’t by himself. Of course, it had gotten worse since the Upside Down, he was too anxious to talk to himself—what if something talked back—there was no one to read him to sleep and he was too old for that anyway.

Meeting Robin had helped, they would sleep over at each other’s houses almost every night, she would curl into a ball and pull the covers as far as they went. Her parents stopped letting her go, though, and he was left alone again. It felt like a blessing when he and Eddie got close, even before they’d started dating, one was always at the other’s house. Steve wasn’t alone anymore, his house not so quiet and a little less lonely. He’d gotten so used to the feeling of being wrapped in warm arms, held to the rising and falling of a chest, that he couldn’t even close his eyes.

He just wanted his routine back, more than anything he missed the freedom of an empty house. His parents would be gone soon, leaving a note in their wake. They were still there in the morning, though, his father was at the counter sipping coffee and his mother was pacing about the kitchen, heels clacking against the tile as she chatted on the phone.

“Morning.” He mumbled as he got a frying pan out of the drawer.

“Rolling out of bed a little late, are we, Steven?” His father didn’t even look up from the newspaper.

The clock read 7:45 am, “I took a shower.” If his father glanced at him for even a second he would know that wasn’t true. His eyes stayed down but he pursed his lips.

As Steve made bacon his mother wandered back around to him. He thought for a second that she might ruffle his hair like she used to but she was just reaching for a mug from the shelf above him.

“I have work today.” He stated to no one as he watched the bacon sizzle.

“That’s nice dear, can you reach the pen on the fridge?” He sighed and tossed his mother the pen before turning back to the stove, “I work at a video store. It pays ass.”

“Language, Steven.” His father muttered, “I didn’t raise a dirty potty mouth.”

You didn’t raise me at all, he bit back. Now wasn’t the time to start an argument. Only 15 minutes until he could leave. His parents left before him though, something about a company brunch being hosted two towns down. They didn’t say goodbye. He doubted he would see them when he got back in the evening.

He drove, in silence, to work. Robin was getting a ride from Nancy, something he would have to remind himself to tease her about. First he was going to collapse into her arms and give her a really big hug. That’s exactly what he did when he made his way behind the counter after clocking in and throwing on his vest.

“They’re back.” He mumbled and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders a little tighter.

“How’s that going?” She asked.

“My father barely looked at me, same as usual. He—he called Tommy a queer and I had to agree with him.” Steve stifled a sob.

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.” Robin whispered, she knew as much as he did how it felt to play the part of Normal Citizen. 

“My mom and I talked about their trip. They’re going to Bora Bora sometime soon. Didn’t get an invite, as usual.” 

“Look on the bright side,” Robin pulled away, patting his back, “at least you don’t have to leave us lowly mortals.” She joked.

She was right, Steve doubted he would’ve even said yes if his parents asked him to go with them. They never planned a date to come home, they just stayed until they got bored and then dropped by to unload and repack their suitcases before they were off again. They’d been gone for almost a year the last time they took a trip, Steve didn’t know what he’d do if he couldn’t see Eddie, Robin, or the kids for an entire year. Robin liked to joke that it would kill him to be away from them for more than a few days at a time but it probably would.

“Enough about me and my sucky parents,” Steve brushed his hair back, “I want the juicy details.”

Robin groaned, jumping up to sit on the counter, “There aren’t any.”

Steve paused from where he was putting in their movie of the day, it was always slow on Saturday mornings so Keith wouldn’t care. Today they were watching Grease, Robin’s choice.

“What? You slept at her house, Buckley, how did nothing happen?”

“Okay jeez, not all of us have overly dramatic partners who propose before the first date!”

He stuck his tongue out at her, his father would have an aneurysm if he saw the way Steve acted around Robin, “That’s no excuse, you just don’t have game.” 

“Says the guy who thought cheesy pick up lines were the key to every girl’s heart. ‘Hello and welcome to Scoops Ahoy, I’ll be your captain on this tongue ride to flavor town.’” She mocked, dodging his hand when he reached to smack her, “What possessed you to say that, you didn’t have to say that.”

“Those pick up lines happen to be the reason I got proposed to before the first date, thank you very much!”

“Who’s getting proposed to?” A familiar voice called over the bell ringing above the door. 

“Eddie!” Steve ignored the way Robin rolled her eyes, “Hi.”

“The dingus thinks I have no game.” Robin cut in.

“I take it things didn’t go well with Wheeler?” Eddie leaned on the counter, hands splayed close to Steve’s. They were right there, it’s not Steve’s fault for grabbing them.

“That’ll be a big, fat no.” Steve answered for her.

“Hey! I didn’t say that!” Robin squawked.

“You said there weren’t any details.”

“Okay well maybe there was one teeny, tiny detail. We shared a blanket during the movie. Oh and also our hands touched in the popcorn bowl.”

“Robin! That’s a big detail! Popcorn hand touching is the most obvious flirting signal!”

“Well how was I supposed to know that?!”

“Everyone knows that!” Steve shot back.

“Do they?” Eddie asked.

Steve’s head had never whipped around so fast, “What are you talking about? I literally used that on you!”

“You what?” Eddie’s eyebrows were scrunched together, his nose wrinkled the way it did when he was completely lost.

“Is that not why you proposed?” Steve asked.

“I proposed because Henderson told me to ‘just get it over with oh god the torture’ and thought that was as good a time as any to put my entire heart on the line.” Eddie had started twisting the ring in question around Steve’s finger.

“So you’re saying that my cheesy pick up lines didn’t work?” Steve refused to be let down by that, it didn’t matter. What mattered was that they were together now.

“No, I’m saying your cheesy pick up lines are what hooked me in the first place.” Eddie interlocked their fingers, flipping Robin off over his shoulder when she faked a swoon.

“They’d better have. You know how hard it is to come up with those things?” Steve was fighting a losing battle against his grin.

“We know, they were really bad.” Robin told him when she walked around to the rewind machine with an armful of tapes.

Eddie sighed, “I gotta go, sweetheart. The guys are waiting.” He stooped low, pressing his lips to the back of Steve’s hand.

“If you have to.” Steve felt himself blush, “I love you.”

“Love you too, baby.” 

Eddie made it all the way to the door before he turned and blew Steve and Robin a kiss, grinning when Robin mimed batting it away and gagging. She must’ve been waiting to say something, though, because she waited until Eddie was gone, door firmly shut behind him, to speak.

“Stevington!” She whacked his shoulder three times, “You said the L word!”

“Yeah.” He covered his face, laughing into his palms.

“Since when?!” Robin shrieked.

“Last night. Well technically he said it last night, when I called him.”

“And you didn’t call me immediately to tell me?! That breaks, like, three rules of best friendship!”

“I’m sorry!” Steve defended, “I was really tired and just wanted to get through the night!”

“You’re off the hook…for now. But I expect to be the first person to know about any and all relationship developments from here on.”

“You know you will be.” He threw himself into a spinning chair in front of the rewind machine. It was going to be a long day.

The store stayed mostly empty all day, leaving them free to sing along with all the musical numbers in Grease, sliding on their socks in a way of dancing to their favorites. He might hate his job but he knew he would miss this, goofing off between isles and shelves they were supposed to be restocking. Maybe it was for the best that his parents hardly acknowledged his existence.

At the end of the day he drove Robin home and this time his car was not swamped in silence. He listened to her ramble about god knows what, trying to keep up with her mile a minute words, because she let him complain about the basketball game yesterday. When Robin got out and he was driving alone again he wondered if his parents would be home when he got back, maybe they were staying for more than three days this time. They weren’t, the empty house echoed his calls back to him. He would be surprised if they came back at all.

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Fun Fact: Headcanon Eddie who oozes affection and love via pet names and general demeanor fighting the overwhelming inner cringe of writing romance.

I swear I have nothing but gratitude and respect for people who write fanfic (like I’m not one of those people) or people who read fanfic (like I’m not one of those people) and I like writing it I really really do but there some mental embarrassment that you really just have to push through.

Part 4

[little-worm-grant]

Marc's pov: Behind Closed Doors

1,402 words / 18+ only, no minors

Masterlist. If you like what you see, leave a like or reblog and follow me ♥ Summary: Some darker scatterbrained memories of abuse and trauma from the mind of Marc Spector and his formative years.

Continued: Steven's pov: Happy Simple Normal Life (comfort)

Warnings: Dead dove?? Heavy child abuse + family death. C-PTSD. Domestic violence. Childhood trauma. Self-hatred. No comfort, only hurt. Notes: To my fellow survivors. You were not a bad person. You were not a burden. You were not difficult. You were not evil. You were a child. You deserve to heal and find what makes you happy. Take care of yourself first, no one can do it better than you can.

Knew from the way the house sounded what mood his mom was in when he got home from school. How each person’s footsteps sounded, and their mood based on how they walked. Not a usual thing to pick up on, but Marc had gotten to know how she was. Knowing when to expect her to be at her worst made it easier to deal with it when she was less cruel.

TV was blasting some soap rerun. Less to watch and more for background noise while she moved around the kitchen. Any noise in the house was a comfort. Meant it was safe. It was when it was silent he knew to hide. Out of sight, out of mind. Most days he would rather stay out of sight.

Heading through to the living room he stopped at the kitchen doorway and watched her. She'd been chopping at the cutting board. Not looking happy, but not looking so sad either. If he stayed quiet for long enough he could pretend this was a good day. When she looked at him he saw that look in her eyes change. Disappointment he was back? Sad to see he was near? She reached for the drinks cabinet and Marc left for his room. Didn’t want to stick around and wait for her to start with the berating.

He rarely saw her smile anymore. He couldn't remember the last time she smiled at him, but he could remember a time. They’d been out grocery shopping and heading back to the car. Marc had seen old lady struggling to push her cart back to the car beside theirs so he helped. The woman complimented his mom over what a kind boy she had. His mom made some noncommittal comment and forced a smile in his direction. He could tell it wasn’t genuine by the way it never made it to her eyes, just out of sheer politeness for the woman. By that point, he'd take anything he could get. Whatever crumbs of kindness she’d give him he’d gladly accept. He wanted to show her he still had the capability of being good even if he'd done terrible things.

She cried on the drive home.

He didn't ask and she didn't point out why, but he already knew what the answer would have been. Should have been her Roro doing all that. Helping old ladies. Offering to do chores to get more pocket money. Helping their dad clean the car. Where Marc was more introverted and liked keeping to himself, his little brother shone as a people person. The true baby of the family. Everyone loved him. Marc was just trying to be more like him to appease his mom. Got him a smile, didn't it?

He remembered after one bad night, she'd come into his room and pulled him out of his sleep to pull him out of bed and beat him. Supposedly for not taking the trash out, but it was the middle of the night and he couldn’t remember her ever asking. She was drunk and not making much sense. Her insults always made the most sense.

This is all your fault.

You disgust me.

You're a horrible child.

Something is wrong with you.

You're evil.

Marc internalized it all. Every single word. Felt like he was going crazy, but maybe he was a bad kid. He got told it enough times he'd started to believe it. He often didn't do the right things. He knew he deserved most of it. But then when he went to the homes of friends and saw how much their parents fawned over their children. It filled him with a fit of bitterness and envy.

There was one family he loved. Treated him like he was their own. Preferred being there after school and on weekends instead of at home. He’d help them pick raspberries from their bushes to make into desserts. He was always allowed to eat his fill in raspberries. He also remembered stealing from them. Just once, but it was one time too many. A small decorative paperweight that reminded him of someone. Couldn’t tell you why he put it in his backpack. Deep down he knew it was wrong. Had a good thing going with this family. They were always kind to him and he'd stolen from them. He was never allowed back after that. His mom got the call and found the paperweight hidden in his room. She used it as part of her arsenal to give herself more reasons why she needed to beat him. He was a bad kid, after all.

There was only one time he’d been taken to the hospital for an injury and not for the constant noise in his head. His mom took it too far when she threw an object at him. He didn’t realize he’d been bleeding until he saw himself covered in it in the mirror. On the drive to the hospital, she went over what he should say. She stayed in the car while his dad took him inside. Couldn’t have a drunk parent and an injured child going into the hospital, no, that would have raised too much suspicion. He got taught early how the naughty kids’ home was worse than anything she’d ever do to him. How he'd be sent far away and lose anything he cared about. So he lied.

I fell.

I hit my head on the corner of the cabinet.

I hurt myself.

When it came time to glue the wound back up he thought they were going to use real glue and refused to let any staff near him. Got transferred to a children’s hospital where he’d be put under and stitched back up. Couldn’t remember if they ever asked him what happened.

More times than he could count, he remembered getting woken with ice water being poured over his face, or by being punched awake. All because he’d overslept and was late for school.

Took him years to bring the nightmares down to only a couple each month. He'd lived longer away from the abuse than he had within it. The only time he'd ever see his mom’s face was in his nightmares. After he’d left home, she never once tried reaching out to him. He felt it was better that way, but a small part of him hoped one day she'd come to her senses and tell him she was sorry. She’d never told him that before and it took him accepting Steven to realize he never needed it.

The most fucked up thing about it all? Marc still loved his mom. If he had to choose, he'd still choose her to be his mom. He just wished she'd believe him when he said it was an accident. He didn't mean to kill Roe. He never meant for his little brother to drown in that cave. He was sorry. He’d always be sorry.

He remembered long before Roe died, she would make him a hot chocolate and they'd sit together and talk for ages in the kitchen. She'd talk about her life. How she grew up in a big Latino family and was raised Jewish. Laughing over his silly nonsensical strung-together phrases in Spanish. She'd respond more seriously, teaching him in her mother’s tongue to make sure it got passed down to her boys. Prompting Marc to find more ways to be sillier with it and to make her laugh. He couldn't remember what her laugh sounded like anymore.

He vaguely remembered the way she'd look at him like she loved him. He remembered more vividly seeing those same eyes hate he ever existed.

Was he really that terrible? Why didn't he deserve to be loved?

Where was his dad in all of this? Right there. Pretending not to hear any of it. Going to Marc’s bedroom long after his mom had left with food or a warm drink to comfort him. Telling him he needed to listen to her. How he should appease her rather than talking back or arguing. How she wouldn't be so bad if he tried harder to be better. That he shouldn’t take any of it to heart. His mom was hurting too, but she still loved him.

Every single adult in his formative years had failed him.

He wasn’t going to be the kind of adult that turned a blind eye.