#me when it's not sunny: i wanna use yellow it reminds me of the sun :(

[alackofghosts]

so spin my world again, the radio is playing our song

[ignv]

 &. 𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐚 ,

in the hollow recesses of a deep and rocky cave are set the halls of torpid ignavia with ever drowsy countenance.

*     ──     [   savannah  lee  smith  ,   cis woman  ,   she  /  her  .   ]   :   in  the  frays  of  king  aerys  iii's   reign  ,  therein  remains  alisa,  twenty-one  year  old  lady  of  white harbor  .   rumor  has  it  that  their  loyalties  lie  with  house  stark  and  house  manderly and  they  are  neutral  to  the  targaryen  reign  .   they're  so  friendly  +  free-spirited  that  it  makes  sense  ,   but  most  seem  to  look  past  their  manipulative  +  lazy  nature  .   when  they  come  up  in  conversation  ,   i'm  always  reminded  of the  golden  hour  fading  into  dusk  ,  heavy  eyelids  drooping  at  midday  and  melting  peach  sorbet  .   [   avery  ,  24  ,   gmt  ,   she/her  ,   &   no  triggers  .   ]

──

who, me?

name alisa manderly  

nickname ali, lili, lisa (she thinks one of her greatest assets is having a name so easily lendable to pet names.) 

age twenty-one

gender cis woman

pronouns she / her

sexuality pansexual

occupation lady of white harbor (but if she’s going by what she’s most passionate about, she would have to say bead bracelet maker.)

religion faith of the seven (because it’s what everyone at home practices. stick to what you know, right?)

languages common tongue, not fluent by any means but can understand a surprising amount of high valyrian (once, as a child, in a rare venture worlds away from her comfort zone, to impress her father, she picked up a book on the history of old valyria and grew curious of the few unreadable passages strewn across some of the pages. she sought information, and ended up learning some of it from a kindly groundskeeper.)

muse inspo hilda goneril (fire emblem), garrett mcneil (superstore), anne shirley (anne of green gables), erin hannon (the office), olenna tyrell (game of thrones) if honest wsdjg, ty lee (atla), the song movement by hozier

i ‘wanna go home!

father ruling lord of house manderly

mother ruling lady of house manderly

biological father southern westerosi lord unknown

biological mother bed-slave from lys unknown 

status adopted

hey! you’re looking so cute today. i have a quick favor to ask...

eyes brown

hair naturally loose light brown sun-bleached almost waist-length curls, usually tied into box braids with colorful beads, occasionally dabbles in combed out hair dyed with red ochre

style house colors (always some variation of white, green, blue-green paired with tiny splashes of complementary reds, yellows and violets), colorful handmade beaded jewelry, bone-white pearls, flowy dresses, pink-tinted lips, vibe is very much single ray of sun shining through the clouds perpetually looming over the harbor

piercings earlobes

usual expression smiling

faceclaim savannah lee smith

i clearly tried too hard. i’ll just go rest up . . . or something.

personality traits friendly affectionate free-spirited perceptive supportive lazy manipulative escapist avoidant vain

moral alignment lawful neutral

elements air and water

likes hot soups, sweet pastries, jewelry, sunny weather

hates chores

goals hopefully none

fears responsibility

hobbies resting, relaxing, making beaded jewelry, taking long walks on the beach, supporting her friends and family, swimming 

no matter what happens in this crazy world, i know i’ll be safe if i stay by your side.

word vomit pls bear with me but ive highlighted important details 

adopted daughter of house manderly. has never met her real parents, and at this point, she has stopped thinking about them almost completely

the love and care provided to her by the manderly’s left little room for wanting.

but as anyone with a healthy curiosity, she used to wonder who her real parents were. why they gave her up, where she came from. maybe at some point, she sat by her window thinking a raven would swoop in with a message from them. maybe at some point, she tried to find out. asked around, bothered. expected. maybe countless days and nights were spent staring at the sky, thinking familiar figures would descend from the sun and moon. faces that resembled the girl in the mirror.

but it doesn’t take long for her to figure out that reality never catches up to the imagination. no ravens come, and the sun and moon are just unmoving things in the sky. at some point, she stops thinking of them. stops asking and expecting.

she moves forward, because that’s the path of least resistance. she does as she’s told, because that’s the easiest thing to do. she has seen. time and time again, what happens when the imagination feels cheated and admiration becomes disappointment, so she does all she needs to do.

does the bare minimum but nothing less. the only thing she really cares about is doing what she likes and not disappointing her family. she’ll exert herself and sacrifice in the pursuit of only these two things.

finds out early on that life is easier when you pretend not to know things. she lives by this now. her dogma. because when people think you don’t know, they leave you alone or they do it for you. either way, that’s one less thing for her to do. she has found that when people know things, they come to expect it. so, she figures, better err on the safe side.

now, she’s a floater. no burning passions or big dreams. she just wants to live life, make friends, and have a good time. but at the same time, imbued with a deep sense of duty. dedication laying dormant, like a flint waiting for a spark.

about her parents actually the bastard child of insert southern westerosi lord here and a bed-slave from lys. she was conceived and born in lys, but her mother wanted her to have a different life. she stole away and sailed to westeros with alisa, thinking it a good idea to find her father and have him raise her. thought he’d give her a good life. resting at an inn one night when they’re attacked by masked men, they manage to escape, and her mother heads as far in the opposite direction as she can. her mother succumbs to the cold, but not before securing alisa’s future.  

* plot ideas / wanted connections  some plots might close when others are taken. available not on a first come first serve basis but based on chemistry betw characters!

( req. southern lord,  43+ y.o ) her biological dad kkkkkk might put this up as a wc idk yet idk yet

baed on THIS alisa's big fat crush lmfao a huge crush she has like man shes got it bad!!! down horrendous for someone who straightup avoids going to white harbor atp even for official business duties bec they always end up beguiled into staying for literal months and neglecting duties back home because [reasons stated in pic] but alisa starting to feel like theyre avoiding her(CONFLICT) her bday is coming up though so she will force them to visit(: doesnt have to be requited or a ship although i do have my sailor cap ready  could be fun and light could be angst idk shes just a jelly doughnut except instead of jelly shes filled with love. bonus pts if theyre doomy and gloomy type/vibe but not a req also open to guys gals and pals 

( req. someone grumpy or stoic ) grumpy/sunshine trope ?? pls or like sunshine/sunshine protector ugh.....

( req. fellow trickster just like someone who also manipulates or knows more than they let on etc, possible romance plot bec this is the best romance option i see for her ) they see right through each other and challenge each other in a healthy way that fosters self improvement for both of them. they’re both headstrong and intelligent, which is exactly what they both need.

 ( req. model noble type ) a fellow noble who sees right through alisa’s constant attempts at tricking people into doing things for her. they try to lecture her, change her for the better. and yet, always somehow end up victim to the very tricks they try to steer her away from.

( req. a Nice Person ) they get seriously hurt doing something alisa tricked them into doing but they’re such a peach they’re like no its ok dw abt it i was happy to do it its ok ! but alisa feels weirdly guilty so she keeps trying to bring them stuff and even.....does things for them

someone whose family she’s so unprecedentedly curious about. through the years, without meaning to, they’ve fed her their entire family’s history. break out the family photo album when she visits their stronghold. orrrrr, maybe she’s actually curious about the person themself. . .  ? ( possible crush plot ! )

( req. maybe someone hotheaded or gets involved in a lot of fights brawls etc ) a dear friend of hers who’s always getting into fights. she has patched up their wounds many, many times, and doesn’t tire of gently advising them to stop getting involved in brawls. “come on, let’s get you to the infirmary. you look ghoulish.”

the two of them are jokey flirty friends always kidding around about betrothals and marriages. it’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye, as it were. ( intentionally vague hehe im thinking it could go fun genuine friends route like theyre just super comfy with each other and have a deep understanding of each others limits so they can joke around its just the nature of their friendship to be flirty and playful OR a more srs angsty pining route where shit hits the fan when someone actually gets involved with someone else or like someone bring up For Real getting married and the other person responds in a way that doesnt make them happy etc all that drama, lets brainstorm 

( req. someone neat and organized and not lazy or maybe loves cleaning lol idk, probably would suit someone from the north, probably a noble ) childhood friends. alisa used to get so excited for their visits. they’d have slumber parties and build sprawling blanket forts in alisa’s room and stay up until odd hours, just talking and talking. of course, after they were done, alisa would leave all the blankets and pillows lying around. this person always cleaned up their mess, and then some. alisa’s room was always cleaner than it was before they arrived. some things never change . . . ? ( setting the scene for possible wholesome bff forever thing theyre the pair laughing behind their hands gossiping about everyone OR angsty childhood friends fell apart bec of insert reason here all that awkward staring across the room and sitting next to each other quietly at dinner....mmmm. idk lets brainstorm ! )

theyre clueless about jewelry but want something special to give their insert loved one here. she helps them!!! if only because she thinks theyre so hopelessly clueless and knows they won’t ever do a good job

they don’t get swayed by her compliments and smiles. it frustrates her, if honest. especially because she really needs [insert thing here] from them.

[handy-dandy-monster-candy]

Jayson, part One

Rating: SFW Length: 1690 Pairing: Male Croc Lizardman x Male Reader (both cis)

xxx

It’s Latin night at the local community centre, and you’re not sure if the earth is shaking or if it’s just your nerves. It’s your turn to dance with Jayson tonight, the handsome crocodilian lizardman who’s been the centre of attention since your dance classes began. He’s experienced at all sorts of dances, more agile than you’d expect for someone almost eight feet tall, and he’s been sweeping the little old ladies right off their feet—sometimes literally.

You’d initially joined the yoga classes held at the centre, but the time slots didn’t line up with the dance classes, so you never saw head or tail of the lizardman before the night poor old Mr. Grims slipped a disc doing an advanced pose at the end of the session. You decided to stick around with him until the ambulance came, keeping him company until he was loaded up and carted away from the centre towards the hospital a few blocks away.

That’s when Jayson approached you, coffee held in a delicate pincer grip in one hand and speakers held in the other, to ask you what had happened. He had deep green scales and brilliant golden-green eyes, with a body that looked like he could bench you in his sleep. He had a ready smile when he introduced himself to you, and the sympathy in his voice when he learned of Mr. Grim’s accident sounded sincere.

It was no surprise that you gravitated to the event hall after yoga let out that night, and what you saw made you wonder why you’d never considered dancing before. People of all ages and species crowded into the event hall, swing dancing at all skill levels and laughing throughout. It looked fun, and of course Jayson was at the centre of it all, bopping and weaving through the dancers and calling out encouragement and playful critiques. He was one of the instructors, you realised, and on impulse, you signed up for the next week’s class.

Flexibility, you quickly learned after Mrs. MacDougall bent you backwards over her knee, was invaluable in Jayson’s dance class. You thanked your lucky stars that you had decided to take yoga first, or you think you would have ended up in Mr. Grim’s place. Each week, you dance to a different genre, though Jayson always finds a way to put a spin on it. Last week you learned the choreography that Jayson and his fellow instructor Lindsa put together to Doja Cat’s Boss Bitch, which starred some impressive ballet on Lindsa’s behalf. They each pick a different dancer to give special instruction to each week, and this time, it’s your turn to be what feels like the sole focus of the big reptilian man you’ve developed a weak-kneed crush on. When the trumpets start blaring in Ilegales’ song Como Un Trueno, you almost jump out of your skin, and judging by the way Jayson laughs, he’d noticed.

“Alright, from the top!” Jayson calls, his gravelly voice warm and rough with amusement. “Loosen up, Ilario. Greta, sweetheart, go easy on him.”

“He’d better keep up!” Mrs. MacDougall says instead, earning herself a rare laugh from Lindsa on the other side of the room. You watch with sympathy as she drags the aforementioned man out onto the dance floor, looking more like a prisoner gamely meeting his end at the gallows than a willing dance partner.

“Ready?” Jayson asks you, and you wonder how you ever took your eyes off the charismatic reptile.

“As I’ll ever be,” you say, smiling cheerfully up at Jayson and taking his proffered hand.

“You’re shaking like a leaf,” Jason laughs, his feet starting to move along with the serpentine motions of his hips.

“I can’t help it,” you reply around a laugh of your own, following his lead and allowing him to dance you around the room. “I’m nervous.”

“Nervous?” Jayson eyes you incredulously. “You?”

“Yes, me! Everyone’s looking at us.”

“I’m an instructor,” Jayson preens, his pride in his position making you smile again. “They have to look at me.”

“Well, yeah,” you say, concentrating very hard on not stepping on the larger man’s feet. “You’re hard to look away from.”

Jayson grins at this slip. “Am I?”

You curse your distracted tongue, but you don’t regret having this conversation. Yet. “Oh, definitely,” you shoot back, and the smug gleam in Jayson’s eyes makes you want to swat him and kiss him all at once. “You’re so big, how could I miss you?”

“Larger than life, baby,” Jayson replies, picking up the pace and twirling you like a top around him. You’re a little dizzy by the time he urges you into another set of moves, pliable with disorientation and the thrill of letting such a big man take control of your body and manhandle you however he likes. “Just let it happen,” he says in your ear, and he clears a space in the hall for you two to take centre stage.

His hands on your waist are the only warning you get before you’re airborne, your body weaving over his shoulders and between his legs in a way that makes your head spin. You somehow manage to make your feet keep moving when they find their way to the floor again, though it isn’t long before you’re twirled and spun and tossed this way and that. The feel of his muscles through his clothing is a sensation that you’ll not soon forget, and his hands feel like brands wherever they touch, hot and huge and capable. You’ve never trusted someone this implicitly with your safety, and the thrill is enough to leave you breathless.

The song ends in a sharp crescendo of brass and with your body dipped between Jayson’s muscular thighs. Your heart is pounding so hard that you barely hear the applause from the other dancers, your chest heaving and your eyes locked on Jayson’s handsome face. “You okay down there?” he asks, and you want to swat him all over again.

“Thinking I should have worn anything but sweatpants,” you quip back, drawing his eyes down to your erection between you. He straightens and manages to discreetly shield you with his bulk as you rearrange yourself. Jayson seamlessly draws attention to himself and critiques dancers nearby, moving to adjust positions and laughingly reminding others to be more careful of their partners’ feet.

You move away to hide, hydrate, and watch Jayson work the room, so you miss the way that Lindsa weaves toward you until she’s leaning against the wall beside you, asking, “You and Jay-Sun, huh?”

You nearly jump out of your skin. As it is, the water in your mouth goes the completely wrong direction, and you have to accept her help pounding it out of your lungs. “Me and what?” you choke out, eyes watering.

“Oh, don’t jerk me around,” Lindsa says with a sharp smirk, tawny eyes gleaming. She’s unnaturally beautiful even for a harpy, with sandy yellow feathers that match her hair and wide, egg-bearing hips. She’s canny and clever, and though she’s a good and patient teacher, there’s a ruthlessness about her that makes you feel as though you’d be hunted before you’d be courted.

You frown. “I guess,” you say with a shrug. “I like him. What of it?”

“He’ll want to date you,” Lindsa replies without ceremony, idly preening her wing feathers and watching you with unblinking eyes. “I happen to like the guy. Hurt him, and I’ll read your entrails for filth.”

This exchange leaves you entirely flabbergasted—so much so that you spend the rest of class distracted by your thoughts. Jayson notices, and his personality turns up to 11. You find it hard not to smile at his antics and his peacocking amuses you, though you catch Lindsa eyeing you both more often than not for the rest of the session. At the end of the class, Jayson makes a beeline for you and you struggle not to flee under his almost predatory gaze, standing your ground and smiling up at him.

“What’s going on?” he asks without preamble, resting a hand on the wall high above your head. “You’ve been out of your head since we first danced. Did Lindsa get hold of you?”

Your smile falls, and you feel more than a little exposed. Were you that easy to read? “Am I that obvious?” you ask, laughing nervously.

“Hardly,” says Jayson, grinning widely and displaying all his sharp teeth. “More like she’s about as subtle as a brick to the head. She threaten you?”

You nod, speechless.

Jayson snorts and shouts, “Lindsa!” over his shoulder, earning himself a cool look from the intimidating harpy. “Stay out of my love life!”

“I will when you make good decisions,” Lindsa drawls back, and you frown. Are you not a good choice?

Jayson shakes his head, dismissing her and turning his attention back to you. “Don’t listen to the old bird.”

“I’ll turn you into a handbag, Sunny,” Lindsa says without lifting her eyes from the gym bag she’s packing. “And a new pair of boots.”

“As if any part of me could handle those thighs,” Jayson scoffs, waving his hand and smiling down at you. “Like I said, don’t listen to her. She’s just protective of me because I’m younger. Are you free this weekend?”

“Um, yeah,” you say, caught off guard by the banter between the pair and looking between them with something like wariness. Was this going to be an issue?

Jayson notices your unease and leans in close enough that you can look into his eyes and smell his cologne, lowering his voice so only you can hear. “Hey,” he murmurs. “It’s really not a big deal. She does this to everyone I wanna date. Just ignore it and focus on me. Can you do that for me?”

The way he seems to have eyes only for you brings you out of the mire of your thoughts, and you find yourself smiling up at Jayson all over again. “Yeah,” you say. “I can.”

Jayson grins, and you’re surprised to find that lizardmen can have dimples. “Perfect.”

[sonybees]

mutuals appreciation post!

i seriously CANNOT at all process this

literally i do not know how this even happened but i am so inexplicably grateful for every single one of you! i love all of you so so much!

i was maybe thinking about making a sleepover but school has been kicking my ass lately so i just decided on making a little mutuals appreciation post! to all my other mutuals, i love all of you so much and i literally want to smother all of you with hugs and kisses. i am so grateful for all of you. thank you.

this might be a little long so it’s under the cut! there might be a lot of mistakes snsjd

@lunaleonorah leo!!! you are an absolute blessing. i love your kindness and the amount of affection you give me literally makes me wanna break down and scream. in a good way of course sjjs. i love our conversations where we just talk about our days and all that. i wish we could always be friends and you can tell me anything you’d like. i love our friendship because we can talk to each other whenever we’d like and will always bring comfort to each other. i always look forward to having conversations with you everyday. ilysm and you deserve the world <3 all the love, pluto.

@gredmforge rory, my wife! i love talking to you about nonsense, it always makes my day and your fun and carefree personality always makes me smile. no doubt that we will be great friends in real life. the little asks you send in my inbox always make me laugh and i’m very excited for whatever future works you have. you always seemed so nice and sweet ever since i first interacted with you and i am so happy that i asked you where you got your memes because look what that got us to! shsjdjd. no but seriously, i love talking to you about our obsessions and just saying hello to each other. ilysm and i hope you always remember that! :) <3

@crookedhag my lovely eliz, i’m too lazy to make another one of those fancy scrolls that i did earlier but that doesn’t stop me from showin gmy appreciation for you. you are such a sweet and amazing person. you are also so talented and i am always so happy to see your name pop up on my notifications. you were always the first one to send me an ask for ask games and you always check in on me and i love you for that. i wish the very best in everything you do. you have great taste in music and i’m starting to think that you’re in every single fandom i don’t know jsjsj. but i love talking to you and ily! mwah! ◡̈

@oldschoolkiddo hero! the first time you ever interacted with me, i already knew that i would love having you around. you are such a fun person and all the tag games that you make and tag me in are always so fun! you are an independent person and i love that so much. you speak your mind and that is so powerful. you are so very sweet and your personality is so fun. i hope that you have many great days in the future and you can always talk to me whenever you need to. let me know if you want a distraction from anything or if you just want to rant, i will be here. ily!

@krasivayadarling my lovely ant! i am so very glad that i built up the courage to say hi to you when you made that post saying you wanted to be friends with new people. you are one of the best people i’ve ever met and you are so sweet, kind, talented, funny, and supportive. i am also so grateful for your support in my fics. you were my first ever supporter and i was really nervous for someone to read my works but you were so nice about it and i love that. i wish you all the best. ily, ant! sincerely, soap.

@whatthefuckimbisexual the loveliest persephone, you are such a bad bitch. JSJS NO BUT SRSLY ILYSM. you are such a fun person and i love how we can relate to each other a lot. i mean, staying up til 3 am and fuck aral pan yk? ejekdj. i really wish you the best in everything and i hope that we can interact more! you are truly one of the most fun and energetic people i’ve ever met and you are so very sweet and funny. thank you for being a great person! all the love <3

@falconxbarnes maddie! you add such a sweet and great person and when you reblog and like my posts, my heart fills with joy! your blog brings me so much comfort and i love our short little conversations. you remind me of going out at 5 am when the sun is almost out. the joy is always evident when that happens just like how i feel when i talk to you! i wish to eat pancit canton with you one day! i really wish you the best in everything and you deserve so many good things. mwah!

@amourtentiaa liane! you are literally so talented and it amazes me every time i read your works. you are so fun and chill and seeing your name always makes me happy! your blog page is filled with so much comfort in my opinion and our first conversation ever was so fun and you are so polite. you also really remind me of the night. i can’t explain why but like i said, you are chill and brings me a lot of comfort! i really love the way you interact with others as you are so kind. i hope you are doing well and always will feel well. ily, yannie!

@puntuations oh my gosh, ysa! you followed me first and i didn’t exactly understand why because you seemed too cool and mature for me djdj. but i am so glad you did and i am so grateful that you’re my friend. thank you for tagging me in dps related things! i really love that and it brings me so much joy. you were always so kind to me no matter what and you are so respectful. i appreciate you and your blog always makes me smile. thank you for being an amazing friend. ilysm, ysa. mwah!

@tofeeltaller joy! you bring me so much joy! sjdndjdn sorry, i had to. you are so so sweet and kind. i was always so scared to interact with dps blogs because they seemed intimidating but so nice at the same time (idk why i’m sorrydhjd), i thought y’all were too cool for me and i didn’t know how to approach you guys but after i got the courage to talk to you, i felt a lot more comfortable. you are so sweet and kind and you deserve so much more blessings. you truly are an amazing person and i hope that your days will get better and better. giving you so many warm hugs and kisses, mwah!

@lolremuslupin dkndkx omg you are so sweet! i don’t interact with you much but we do talk sometimes. i am also very glad that i decided to pm you to try and make new friends and you were so kind about it. you are such an amazing person and i love staying up at 3 am talking to you about random crap. i wish that your life will go well and that you are always safe! warm hugs!

@punkrific soaf, my twin! i really love talking to you and your energy is always so great. you are an amazing and fun person and having a twin like you always makes me feel like the luckiest ever. i am so so grateful to have you as a friend and your dashing personality always gets me. ilysm and i wish you the best! love, the ugly sofia <3

@freddieweasleyswife sweets! i’ve never met someone as sweet and kind as you are. you’re an amazing person and you deserve so much and you are so talented. i wish to write like you one day. my day is always better when I see your name in my notifications being friends with someone as amazing as you are is so great and i wosh to interact with you more. i miss talking to you and you’re always so kind and ready to comfort anyone. ilysm and you deserve the world. sincerely, sweetpea. <3

@sam-winchester-is-my-bitch rae! i love talking to you and seeing your pets! you are so kind, sweet and understanding and you really know how to make me smile. whenever i talk to you, it’s always so wholesome and nice and you give off so much good vibes. you really are like the color yellow to me, sunny, nice, but can be serious at times. but is always ready to cheer someone up. i wish you the best in everything and i hope that we can talk more! all the love <3

@daltonacademia kendi! i know you’re on a short hiatus at the moment but i just had to add you in here. i really hope that you are doing well and i hope you know that your writing is literally one of the best that i’ve ever read. you are so sweet and kind and you always have that little fun and sunny personality and i love talking to you so much. you are so respectful and you deserve so much. i’m sending you all the love and comfort. you are amazing and i hope you know that. stay safe, kendi! i really love that nicknamejsjs

@thatswhywilliamagedlikesourmilk dear! i am so glad that you followed my page and i am so so grateful that i’m friends with you. you are one of the best people ever and you are so so sweet. the most adorable person ever! talking to you feels like hugging a teddy bear and i am aware that that doesn’t make much sense but it just feels so comfy and brings me joy. i really hope that you’re doing well because you also deserve everything! sending you so many hugs <3 mwah!

@fredweasleyismyloverman alex, my dear! you are so kind and nice! i’m really glad i followed you. just a little fun fact, i actually found you through ant or @krasivayadarling . i was reading through some people who she gave ships to and i saw yours and i was like “oh my gosh, this person and i are literally the same.” and i went crazy because it looked almost exactly the same as my description hdjdjd. i’m actually not that sure if it went like that but that’s how i recalled it so i just always remember thatsbns. i literally relate to you so much and your shitposts give me life. you are so wise and amazing and i would love to talk to you more! ily, dear! mwah <3

@daisyyy2516 daze, dear! i am so happy that sab led ke to your page! literally, you are so damn talented and i just cannot i am always so amazed every time you show your works. you are so kind and sweet and such an icon. you bring me so much joy and everything you’ve ever said to me has always been something sweet and funny. ilysm and you deserve the world. i’d like if you dm’ed me once you’ve gotten your work displayed at some huge art exhibition. you are so amazing and i want you to know that. everything will be better. i appreciate you and i am so glad that you are in this world. i love you sm, daze. frd weasley loves you too. all the love and joy, soaf.

@sirlorelai lorie!! you are so nice and kind and sweet. i’m very glad that you weren’t angry at me spam reblogging your postsjsjd. i love our conversations and i wish we could talk more! you are such a kind and funny person and everything you’ve ever done has put a smile to my face. you are so fun and energetic and i love that. i hope that life is going well over there and that everything will be better if it isn’t at the moment. you deserve so much and ilysm, mwah!

@quadrupledeckertaco lorelei, dear! i miss talking to you! i really love our conversations and your soft but fierce personality is so great and it brings me so much joy. your writing is literally so amazing and like i said, i aspire to write like you one day. i miss you so much and i really hope that everything’s well. i wish you the best and sending you so much love, sofia. <3

and to all my other mutuals! thank you! i love all of you so much and interacting with all of you brings me so much joy. thank you for everything. have a great day everyone!

[peeterparkr]

perfidy;tom holland|13

chapter 13: the love interest

enemies to lovers au/enemies with benefits

chapter summary: to fall down an abyss. 

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings:  swearing, fluff, didn’t proof read, smut: (mile high club), unprotected, public sex (skip the * if you don’t want to read it. 

word count: 7.6k

here’s a playlist

and here’s another one

and here’s another one inspired by 1D

social media before you read (IMPORTANT FOR THE CHAPTER) : 

part one:Harry is suspicious, James regrets telling something to Tom, Y/N is smitten

part two:Haz and Sam get updated, Tom and Y/N are still figuring out how to flirt,

previous chapter next chapter series masterlist wanna be tagged?

Love is irrational. Stupid. You were stupid. Or at least you were trying to convince yourself you were. Love is such a complicated feeling. Because it feels like a song, a good one. One you can’t stop playing. But what happens when someone breaks your heart? The song fades away.  You don’t want to listen to it anymore. You can’t live in the past. 

Because when they speak of love, they speak of illusion. You could think of a bright sun and a blue sky, or a pink… and foggy dawn. Illusion breaks. 

Did you love him? Did you want to go again to that chaotic feeling? That constant sorrow of waiting for rain to come down while it’s a bright and sunny day. That feeling of everyone speaking and bustling through the crowd, but you’re silent. That feeling that when everything seems to explode… he finally shows up. 

Because love is… what even is love, after all? Forgiveness? 

Love is being stupid. 

Love is being irrational. 

Love is… butterflies. 

Butterflies. You hadn’t felt those in a while. But there you were, smiling like an idiot to the bright screen. Your stomach jolted as soon as he texted back. Like a teenager. 

Who were you kidding? You were a fool for him, but he… seemed to be in this, too. 

There was something different about all of this. Tom seemed different. Of course you still had to build up your walls but you had to admit that you were really falling for him. There was no way of denying it. And he seemed to like you, too. But did he? 

But of course, there was that particular thought in your head, reminding you of how it feels to get your heartbroken. Reminding you that Tom wouldn’t hesitate on breaking your heart. He hadn’t before. 

He’d proven that to you, several times.

How come were you so stupid? Charlie was right, Tom would most likely commit perfidy. That’s all he was. 

And honestly, what wrong were you doing by writing your story? Sure, it had begun like something to get revenge for, but right now it really was… just a portrayal of your feelings. And it wasn’t hurting anybody. You really weren’t hurting anybody, it was just taking inspiration from real life. A script of an 80’s rock n’ roll love. Of a guy who was supposed to hate someone but ended up falling in love with her.

But was he in love? He couldn’t be. 

Because he’d said it again, and again. You were not his type and he’d rather eat a frog than kiss you. 

Yet you’ve kissed, and his lips were so damn addictive, because they asked for more and more, and they were soft but steady. All you could think about were his eyes, the way he would gently stare at you. 

The way he watched you, god, the way his eyes brightened up and made you feel like there was a single spotlight on you.The way that his smile told you that no matter the rain, he’d make you feel like the sun will come out anyway. The way that he’d turn to listen to you in the crowded room even if you were silent. The way that even with the chaos, he’d be there. 

But he was most likely only charmed with lust. He wouldn’t be able to love you. He never had. 

But…could he?

Love is being a fool, but not caring about being one. But you did care about it, you didn’t want to be a fool. 

That damn thought had you thinking for a few nights. And you’d walk right in front of that bright screen waiting to understand where you wanted to go with this. Re-reading the first dialogues, so full of rage and pettiness. Anger. 

You had your reasons. And though he seemed different…You still feared him. And right now, he had more weapons to hold up against you. He had your heart on his hand and he could crush it. But you wouldn’t let him, and he was well aware of it, you knew. Because even if you were giving in to his touch and his flirting, you never really… gave in. You were cold and you were frigid.

Could you ever open your heart again? Could you ever give in to him? 

But you had. Who were you trying to fool? You’d given him everything you could think of. Why did he even want a relationship? And did he really want it? 

It could be another prank, another complicated way to tumble you down to your knees. Another way to mess up with your heart until he squeezed out every single tear from you. 

You thought of the yellow flowers you’d burned. You hadn’t kept them, but you should’ve as a reminder of it. And your mind, god your mind couldn’t shut up. But your heart was being louder. Your heart was yelling at you, asking you to let yourself love him. You were smarter. 

Because Tom Holland had taught you one thing, to doubt yourself. 

Although, the questions had changed. Now they were wondering why you out of everyone? Was it your hair? Was it your makeup? Your perfume? 

Was it his way to once again fool you? 

A day before the flight, you opened up two boxes. Timmy’s and Tom’s. 

And when you opened Timmy’s… it felt like an old song. It smelled of lavender. You’d once sprayed it with perfume. 

There are people who are tailor-made for each other. You know the ones. You see them act so perfectly, so coordinated. They finish each other's sentences and they, without noticing, end up with coordinated outfits. That’s the story that the box with Timmy told, someone who you should be in love with. 

Someone who was practically crafted for you. Timmy was in all ways the person you were expected to fall in love with. The perfect guy.

You stared at the canister, a friendly reminder that Timmy probably should’ve been and would be your endgame. 

You opened up the canister, and then slid down the bright ring that you’d kept for months now. How long had it been? 6 months now? You couldn’t remember. 

“Keep it, wear it if you want to. But don’t give it back, it’s yours.” Those words had stayed long enough in the air for you to still be able to hear them. 

You placed it on your finger. You hadn’t worn it. Not really. Because it didn’t feel like it belonged to you. Even now that you were staring at it, and though it adorned your hand beautifully… it didn’t feel right.

Was it your own fear? You’d talked about it once with Harry, how you didn’t believe in the one.

Only two people in this world knew about this ring. Well, four if you counted you and Tim. 

Harry and James. Because the first person you’d reached was Harry. 

“If you don’t think he’s the one,”Harry said. 

“There’s no such thing as the one,” you’d said. 

“Well, if you don’t want to marry him then it’s okay if you said no,” Harry said.

“There’s a part of me that thinks I should’ve said yes,” you admitted. “Everyone thinks so.” 

“But you’re not ready.” 

“I think he is perfect for me,” you explained. 

Harry watched you. “Then what’s the problem?” 

“Love is not about someone being perfect for each other, love is wanting to be with someone despite them not being perfect.” 

That’s love. Despite all, you are still the one who I want. 

Was Tom that? Your… “despite”? 

But you didn’t want to love him. Not yet. But then the box proved that to you. Even after everything, even after all the bad things, you were there. Because somehow you were stupid. Yes, that’s what love is. Being stupid. 

And being in love or not, you were already stupid. So you might as well give in. Slowly. And carefully. 

You’d packed the film canister, you had to give it back. And you knew that you couldn’t wait even more, you’d find time to give it back. You couldn’t sleep thinking there was a ring always waiting to be worn when it probably would never be. 

Tom had opened the door the very next morning, you’d meet at his place and you’d then head to the airport.  “Morning!” He welcomed you and then kissed your cheek. The stupid butterflies to make its way back in.

You only smiled at him, as he rushed you to the kitchen. He immediately let go of your hand as he saw Harrison with a bowl of cereal staring at you both with a smirk. 

You walked further apart from Tom. “Harrison hello, nice to see you,” you said with formality. 

Haz only smiled at you, too busy with his cereal. Tom pulled out a chair for you, and then approached you a cup. 

“So, okay there’s your tea and—“

“My  tea?” You questioned. 

Tom grinned. “Yeah… And I made you breakfast, I’ll be right back I need to finish-“

“Are you not done packing?”

He stuck his tongue out. “Nope.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Thomas oh my god.”

“Sorry,” he blushed. “but hey, Tess is here!” He then called the pup, as she rushed over to you. 

You were certainly happy by the news. “Hi baby,” you grinned as Tessa had jumped to your lap, you had forgotten about everything as you hugged the dog, but then you looked up. “How come you’re not done packing?”

He was too busy pettingTess, too. “Huh?” He looked up. “Oh, we...I was busy thinking—“

You scoffed. “ah takes you too much time huh?”

He nudged you. “Shut up,” he laughed, “do you have a checklist I could use? I know you’re a checklist and color coding freak.” 

You rolled your eyes. “I’m not.” 

“Do you or do you not have a checklist?” He smirked. 

You didn’t answer. 

His smirk widened. 

You rolled your eyes. “Fine, okay I do but—“

He snickered. “But?”

You blushed, he was right. “Let me—okay,” you sighed as you took out your phone, “just ignore everything that doesn’t apply to you and… sent.” 

“What wouldn’t—“his eyes scanned the list. “Oh!” His eyes widened. “Oh?” He stared at you. “Oh…” he smirked. 

“What?” You lifted your eyebrows, as you then proceeded to scan your list. It was normal until you saw that particular checkbox. The lingerie one, where you had placed a very nice question mark after it. 

“Tell me you checked that box,” he approached you. 

“Shut up,” you pushed him away. 

“Did you?” He grinned as he lifted your chin. 

“No,” you rolled your eyes. “That's an old checklist,” you lied coldy. “Let me help you out with packing.” 

“No, you’re going to stay here with Tess,” he winked. 

“Tom—“ but then Tessa had gained your attention back. “Hi baby, you’re the only Holland who matters.” 

Tom watched you with pride. “Rude...Stay here, it won’t take long and—,” he watched you. “okay, I’ll be quick, Sam is up there he’ll help me out and—“ you didn’t let him finish as you’d already planted a kiss on his cheek. “Okay, I can… okay, that… okay, yeah,” he kissed your forehead before heading up to his room. 

You grinned watching him go. But you had forgotten something, Harrison was still there and he made you acknowledge his presence by clearing his throat. 

Fuck, you thought. Or said? Maybe you’d said it out loud.

“That’s not… what it looks like, I Uh—“ you blushed and tried to come up with excuses. Any excuse could work. 

Haz smirked and then let out a loud laugh. “It wasn’t you kissing his cheek and then him kissing your forehead?”

“No, no… it’s not that.” But it was. 

He smirked. “what exactly was it y/n?”

You cleared your throat, and played dumb. “what was what? I’m … Tess?” You turned your attention back to the dog. 

Haz cackled. “Tess?”

“What were you saying?” You looked up. 

Haz grinned. “ y/n, I know.” 

“what?” You looked up with fear. 

“I know you guys have… something going on,” Harrison laughed. “You guys weren’t subtle, and I know he asked you out.” 

You cleared your throat. “you see that’s where you’re kind of wrong because we don’t have something going on—he barely just asked me out and at this point I don’t think he meant it because there’s no date plan yet—“ you looked away. Another thing that bothered you, he’d asked you out and there was no date in sight.

Haz frowned. “wait, did he not tell you.” 

“what?”

“What your date will be?”

You scowled. “No.” 

Haz scoffed. “He’s very dumb.” 

You grinned. “We can agree on that, but what is it?” You bit your lip. 

“Nothing.” Haz watched you. “He really likes you, you know,” he commented..

You laughed. “He does?”

“Very much.”

“I…” you frowned, staring into Tessa's eyes. “No.” 

Haz snorted. “No?”

You but your lip. “I’m sorry, I have a hard time believing it.” 

The blonde guy watched you. “He’s been that big of an asshole to you, right?” 

He had been, but despite all of that. There was your body butterflying over a stupid kiss on the forehead. “yeah, so… I have to be careful or… otherwise he’ll break my heart again and… we don’t want that, do we Tess?” You asked the puppy, who only licked your cheek. 

“I don’t know what happened before but right now, he’s head over heels for you,” Harrison admitted. 

You watched him skeptically. “we’ll see.” 

“seriously,” Haz stated. “he won’t shut up.” 

You chuckled. “But he never does, about anything,” you pointed out and Haz nodded in agreement. “who else… knows about this?”

Haz cleared his throat. “no, uh only me.” 

Sam had walked into the kitchen. “Only you what? Oh, hi my lovely y/n,” he grinned at you with complicity. 

“Sam, hi.” 

Sam seemed suspicious too. “You know what I’ve been thinking y/n,” he watched you. “Have you lost your sanity, yet? Spending that much time with Tom?” 

You laughed. “I lost it, yes,” you admitted. 

Sam chuckled. “And will you be able to spend 8 hours on a plane with him?” 

You hadn’t thought about it. You had been too busy thinking and deciding your feelings for that idiot that you forgot you were about to spend 7–almost 8 very risky hours with said idiot. Which could either go very wrong or… no, this could only go wrong. You’d either fight or you wouldn’t. And the second one was worse, because you already were on the edge of the abyss, one little push and you’d fall for him. 

It would only take one more kiss to actually make you lose your sanity. 

The heart wants what it wants.

“Okay so I was going to buy you flowers,” Tom said as you’d arrived at the airport. Both of you taking out your bags. Security had met you there.

“Flowers?” You questioned. 

“Yes but I realized you wouldn’t be able to keep them because of airport rules or whatever,” he said 

You frowned watching him. “Why would you buy me flowers?” 

He paused and then smiled at you.  “Because it’s our date, silly.” 

“Our—what?” 

Tom grinned. “Our date, dumbass.” 

You didn’t say anything. 

And you barely had said anything. Some fans had recognized Tom and he’d taken some pictures with him. The whole world was so in love with him, you knew that. You were nothing special for being one more. 

There has always been something magical about airports for you. There were a lot of stories to be told and different personalities that could be seen at the airport. You’d always found it so interesting, a chance to leave or a chance to come back home. Airports were always a mystery to you, you never knew why people were traveling. Could be holidays,  a breakup, business. People trying to find themselves, people who’ve lost themselves. 

“I figured it out,” Tom said the moment you’d both sat at the lounge. Him with a beer, you with a glass of champagne. 

“Figured what out?” 

“That it should be here, our first date,” he grinned. 

You chuckled. “Forcing me to spend 8 hours with you without a possibility of running away?” You mocked. “Clever.” 

“Yeah, that mainly,” he admitted with a laugh. “But—also, because you’ve always been a fan of airports and planes.” 

You took a sip. “I am.” 

“The stories you said?” He asked. 

You shrugged. “The possibility of going elsewhere, everyone here is for a different reason,” you explained. “Airports are full of stories waiting to be told.” 

He grinned.  “And What will ours be?” 

“Time will tell,” you smirked. 

“I know you y/n, this is… the perfect first date,” he grinned. 

You chuckled. “Is it?” You watched him. “Haven’t been in one for a while, what are you supposed to do on a first date?” 

His fingers hovered over your hand. “Supposed to be making good impressions.”

“Hm, but we already have impressions of each other,” you sassed, lifting your own fingers to brush his. “And not really the best ones.” 

He raised his brows. “Well.” 

“Besides, I don’t want anything that a first date is supposed to be ,” you chuckled. “We can't have a normal first date.” 

“We can’t?” 

“We know each other’s worst side,” you explained.

“But we don’t know the best.” He smirked. 

You laughed. “This is stupid, Tom,” you blushed looking away. 

“Why?” He frowned. “I think we’ve always wanted this.” 

You looked into his eyes. “Well.” 

“I’ve always wanted this,” he finally rested his hand on yours, intertwining his fingers. 

“That’s so cliche, Tommy.” 

“Well didn’t you?” He grinned. 

You coughed. “I thought we hated each other.” 

“And I think we were always keeping up an act,” he shrugged. “Ever since we were kids”

“Ew  no I really thought you were a very annoying kid,” you admitted. “And dumb” 

“But think about it, think about all the moments we’ve had,” he pushed. 

You had been thinking about them lately. “What about them?” 

“We’ve been alone, seems like every time that someone is around we transform but when we see nobody’s around we can be like this,” he brought your hand to his lips. 

You cleared your throat nervously. 

“Did you blush, idiot ?” He teased. 

“It’s the champagne, dumbass,” you took your hand back. 

He laughed, as he pulled the chair closer. “Is it?” 

“You told Harrison,” you tried to change the subject. 

He sipped of his beer. “He figured it out—The horn.” 

You laughed. “Oh.” 

“Yeah, oh.” 

“But nobody else knows right?” You questioned.

“You told James!” He frowned. 

“He told you?” You coughed. “I—didn’t tell him. He figured it out.” 

“We’ve been bad at keeping this a secret, huh?” He grinned.

“But nobody else can know, can you imagine what their reactions would be?” You chuckled.

Tom reached back for your hand. “We don’t have to tell them.” 

“I  guess.”

“Not until we figure it out,” he said as he then shifted his chair to be closer. 

You stared at both his eyes, with a grin. “You won’t freak out then?”

“Freak out?” He leaned over.

“Dunno, every time we’ve been close to catching feelings you pull a stunt,” you brushed his lips with your hand.

“Have I backed away this time?” He questioned, pressing his lips against your finger. 

“Hm. guess not, and maybe that’s what scares me,” you pulled back your hand.

“You’re scared?” He took your Chin in his hand. 

You bit  your lip. “A bit, yeah, but I like you too much to care.” 

A smirk appeared on his face. “You like me?”

You closed your eyes and then tried to stand up but he pulled you back to him, over to sit on his lap. 

“You like me,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against yours. You tried getting out of his grip but he only pulled you closer. 

“No,” you covered his face with your hand, he licked your hand. “Thomas!” 

He laughed.  “You can’t back up now.” 

“I can,” you said smearing his own saliva on his face. 

“Y/N!” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Disgusting.” 

“Your tongue was on my hand,” you complained. 

“It’s been on other parts of your body and you didn’t mind back then,” he sassed with a smug smirk on his face. 

You blushed and nudged him. “Dickhead.” 

“Am I wrong?” He teased again, laughing. 

You smirked, pushing his face away. 

“Am I?” 

You stood up, walking away. 

“Y/N, no! come back,” he sighed. “I was joking.” 

“Getting snacks—“

“I’m the snack here,” he laughed, watching you. 

You walked back to him and pecked his lips, now it was his time to blush. “Real airport snacks, idiot,” you claimed. 

You didn’t know how you both ended up on the floor, your head on his lap as you were tossing m&m’s to his mouth, his hand caressing your hair. You both came up with a game, trying to figure out what everyone else was doing at that airport. 

“Probably a businessman,” you said staring at the man. “He’ll go to Wall Street.” 

“Really?” Tom watched him. “ah, yeah, gives the vibe,” Tom chuckled. “Y/N this game is boring.” 

“You’re boring,” you sat up, barely an inch away from his face. “Well, what else could we do?” 

He didn’t answer as he only looked down at your lips. 

“Idiot.” 

He grinned. “I didn’t say anything!” He laughed, as he pulled you close to him. “We could explore the airport but you are scared of losing the flight,” he laughed. 

“I know you, and you tend to dick around long enough to forget everything,” you pointed out. 

He laughed. “Well what do you suggest?” 

You looked down at his lips. 

“I thought that idea didn’t appeal to you,” he laughed. 

“No it doesn’t,” you admitted, cupping his face and placing a kiss on the edge of his lips. “Or does it?”

He grinned, pulling you in to mound his lips with yours. You’d missed the taste of his lips, and the way he danced them with yours. Bittersweet. 

“Harry was always the worst at pranks,”Tom had pointed out after a while. “Sam was okay.” 

“No, but we were the ones who actually won every time,” you agreed. “But I was crowned the queen of pranks.” 

“You were not.” 

“Do you remember that one time with the cups of water?” You reminded him. 

The first prank wars, early teenage years. You’d filled up his room with cups of water while he was sleeping, the entire room was filled up and he couldn’t get off his bed. Of course he had dropped a few, and his whole room had been flooded. 

He laughed. “But mum got so angry at you.” 

“I still won,” you chuckled. 

“You had to help me clean my room up, and your mum grounded you,” he recalled. “you call that winning?” 

“Yes.” 

“That’s not winning!” He frowned. “If anything I won with the toilet paper one.” 

“So original,” you rolled your eyes. 

“You know when we teamed up against Sam and Harry? Those were the pranks,” Tom laughed. 

“The Oreos one,” you laughed, remembering when Tom and you had taken hours of your day to fill Oreos with toothpaste. 

“Dude when we changed the entire bed with that pool,” he laughed. 

You shook your head. “No that was you and Sam against me and Harry, and that was my bed,” you scowled. 

You hadn’t stopped laughing, remembering anecdotes. Mostly fun. Some not as fun. 

“You realize I did everything I did because I wanted attention?”

You frowned. “You always had everyone’s attention. Correction, you always have everyone’s attention.” 

“But I wanted yours,” he chuckled. “You were never impressed, no, you are never impressed by me.” 

You smiled, knowing that was such a big lie. Did he really think that? 

“You always seem to forget,” you looked at him. “I loved you before the whole world did.” 

He hadn’t expected that. “No, you hated me.” 

“Hate isn’t the absence of love, not in our case,” you reminded him. 

And eventually, you were about to board the plane. 

“Weren’t you scared of planes?” He recalled watching you. 

“No,” you rolled your eyes. But you were shaking. You always were nervous around them, even if you loved them. You couldn’t help but get slightly scared. Maybe that’s all it had been for the past week, maybe it wasn’t the fact that you feared falling in love. 

“Oh my god, you were!” Tom smirked. “Yes, you were.” 

“Can you shut up?” You frowned. 

“Nope,” he laughed. “Oh wait, I’m supposed to be nice now,” he cleared his throat. 

“What?” 

Tom took your hand. “Hey, hey, I’ll be here.” 

“That makes it worse,” you said but squeezed his hand anyway. 

Boarding the plane, he stopped you mid-tunnel. “Y/N, it’s okay.” 

You chuckled. “Just like two minutes ago you were making fun of me, dickhead,” you answered pushing him away.

“But, hey, it’s okay,” he placed his hands on your waist, and then pulled you close to connect your lips against his, for a brief but sweet moment. “It’ll be fine, silly.” 

You only smiled against his lips. 

You noticed how both of you toned down any affection towards each other with the silly nicknames, dumbass, idiot, silly, dickhead. As if that cancelled out the strong feelings. 

You were really on the abyss. 

You found your seats, first class of course. and somehow it made you feel… weird. Spending 7 hours—almost 8 with him. Sam did have a point. And this was a date. How the hell were you going to have a date on this? 8 hours. 

“Okay so I brought this thing again,” Tom mentioned as he pulled out the camera once you were settled. 

“Oh god,” you rolled your eyes. “Why did you even buy it?” 

“You inspired me,” he grinned as he brought it up to his face. You covered the lens. “Y/N,” he pouted. 

“You’re taking away the magic of it.” You chuckled. 

“What?” 

“Ugh, take pictures of more interesting moments.” 

“You Can do whatever you want with your camera,” he frowned. “But I want pictures of you.” 

“Why?” You laughed as you covered your face.

“Because you’re pretty, idiot.” 

“I thought I wasn’t your type,” you pointed out. 

He snickered. “You’re not.” 

Suddenly you frowned and looked at him, he smirked as he then started to get comfortable in his seat, looking through the movies, ignoring your sight. With confusion, you kept watching him as he let out a loud laugh. 

“What?” He grinned. 

“Then why the hell are you trying to date me?” You complained. 

“Oh,” he smirked. “Did you expect me to tell you… you’re my type?” 

You frowned. “Well, no… because I’m not.” 

He grinned. “ I’m not yours either  and yet…” he grinned leaning over to kiss you, you stopped him before his lips could touch yours. 

“How do you know you’re not my type?” You questioned, someone from the flight crew walked over to offer you both a glass of champagne, which Tom gladly accepted and then gave you one. 

“Thomas?” You frowned as he gave you one, too. “Tom?”

“I know you enough, y/n, Timmy was your type,” he said with poison. 

You cleared your throat. 

He chuckled. “See? Timmy was your type,” he continued and you ignored him. “Please, every single guy you’ve dated is Timmy but in different fonts.” 

You let out a chuckle. “-okay but .”

“He was, wasn’t he?” He poked your side. “Please I’ve seen all the guys you’ve paraded around with, all have the same aesthetic and do some artsy shit, the painter, the singer, the photographer.” 

You smirked. “Well, you’re an actor.” 

“But I’m not... aesthetically inclined like them,” he chuckled. 

You watched him. “So you’re convinced you’re not my type.” 

“I know I’m not,” he grinned. 

“Well but you’re... you,” you said, expecting some nice response. 

He smirked with pride. “Yeah, I know, I’m gorgeous.” 

You punched his arm. 

“Oi!” He laughed. “I am.” 

“I was trying to be cute, you dumbass,  and you ruined it,” you complained. 

He rolled his eyes with a grin. “I called you pretty first,” he pointed out. “But okay, fine,” he cupped your face and then planted a long kiss to your lips. “Happy?” He asked, leaving you dumbfounded. 

“No.” 

He faked anger but then grinned as he lifted the armrest to pull you close to him. “You’re such an idiot.” 

“And you’re so stupid,” you grinned as you nuzzled against him. Of course, a flight attendant asked you both to use the seatbelts and all that crap. 

But you were too busy cuddling against him, forgetting you were terrified of planes as his hand was playing with your hair as you were trying to decide the movie you’d be watching. Tom had put up the privacy window and he was still stealing from the snacks you’d bought. 

“We are not watching Far From Home, fartface, ” you complained just after you’d taken off. 

“Why not?” He grinned. 

“I already have your dumb face here I don’t need to see it twice, oh my god, Back to the Future,” you grinned. “Yes!” 

Tom kissed the top of your head. “No,” he answered calmly. 

You sat up. “Why not?” 

“Because I know you have a crush on Marty McFly,” he pointed out, “and I want all of your attention on me, darling.”

You blushed, “you do realize why I had a crush on him, right?” 

Tom scrunched his face. “No, and I don’t wanna know, attention on me, darling.” 

“Prick.” 

You pursed your lips and held back a giggle. You’d always had a crush on Marty McFly because he reminded you of Tom. 

He frowned. “What?” 

“Nothing,” you looked away. “Oh, look backyardigans!” 

“We are not watching that,” Tom rolled his eyes. 

“Why not? You look like Pablo.” 

Tom let out a nervous chuckle. “Is it going to be 7 hours of this?” 

“Did you actually plan out this date?” You asked him. 

He chuckled, “no, but that’s the magic of it, and see? You’ll get to see the sky and you love that kind of shit, and we get to cuddle and there’s fancy food… and who else has had their first date on a plane?” 

You grinned. “You want to cuddle me?” 

“I want to kiss all your stupid face,” he admitted, as his fingers lifted your chin to watch him.

“Hm, I brought my laptop,” you mentioned, looking away. 

“What, you’ve got porn in there?” He asked. 

You flicked his nose. “Dumbass, no, I’ve got… tapes, not that kind of tapes, from when we were kids.” 

He grinned. “Like the actual vids?” 

You pulled out your laptop and scrolled through the files. He only nuzzled against your head. 

“Wait, is that your 18th birthday?” He asked. 

“Maybe.” 

“I recorded those,” he pointed out. “You were wasted!” 

“We are not watching those,” you rolled your eyes. 

He chuckled. “C’mon,” he clicked on one. “Was I Spider-?” 

“Yeah, I think you were here for a few days in London, and then you’d gone to film again, Homecoming I think.” 

“Hello everyone, we’re at y/n’s 18th birthday party, she’s… “ 

“Hi!” You had appeared on camera. 

“How are you feeling y/n?” 

You only giggled.

 “Y/N?” 

You only stared at him. “I think I’m gonna throw up.” 

“Okay, that’s it,” you closed the video. 

He laughed. “You flirted with me that whole day.” 

“I was drunk and stupid.” 

“Are you drunk right now?” He smirked. 

“No, but I’m still stupid,” you laughed. “Hey, no, I have this one.” 

His wisdom teeth had just been taken out, and of course, you’d be one of the first ones to show up. 

“Tom, how are you feeling?” 

“Y/N, you look pretty,” he mumbled. 

“And that, folks, is how we know he’s on drugs.” 

Tom laughed watching himself saying nonsense gibberish. “I feel like you have enough videos to blackmail me.” 

“Oh, I do,” you confessed. “And pictures.” 

And you continued watching videos, some were nice, of memories that had you laughing and some others made you both debate on what exactly had happened. But you both were laughing, and genuinely enjoying it. His hands wouldn’t leave your body, he’d squeeze you every now and then and he’d leave small kisses all around your face. He’d apologize sometimes whenever a video show how big of a jerk he was. 

This was going to be a long trip. 

But it didn’t feel like it. At one point you were barely even talking, just staring out the small window. It was… romantic. Sharing your music. 

“Okay, even if you didn’t plan anything this has been nice,” you admitted. 

He chuckled. “I’m sorry if I didn’t plan anything.” 

You grinned looking at him. “No, really I mean it, this has been… Perfect.” And it had been, and though you didn’t want to admit it. That’s all you really needed. 

“So, what’s your impression of me, so far?” 

You walked your fingers across his chest as he watched you carefully. 

“Mmh,” you looked into his eyes. “Pure of heart, dumb of ass.” 

He laughed. “Sounds good.” 

“Yours?” 

“Idiot with a pretty face,” he answered. “And I want to kiss that dumb face, honestly.” 

And that was what he did, kiss your dumb face. And his lips were probably lying, but you didn’t care, because they tasted so good, and they asked for more, and more. Lips so tasty, so soft and silky, and you hummed against him. His thumbs tracing down your hips and sliding them under your t-shirt. 

You pulled back, but his lips landed behind your ear. God, you were getting turned on only by the bristle of his lips, you hated this. How the hell were you so smitten with the guy who had been a nightmare to you his whole life? 

But you shifted to sit on top of his lap, and you could only listen to him catching his breath in between kisses, as your hands were cupping his face and running through his hair. 

But you couldn’t help thinking about how even if the privacy window was closed, anyone could see you. 

“Tom,” you whispered. 

“What?” 

“We can’t do this.” 

But his fingers were still toying with the hem of your shirt. He sighed, but then he smirked. 

“Don’t you want to go to the bathroom?” He questioned.

You frowned. “Hm? Not really.” 

He laughed darkly. “Y/N.” 

You watched him with confusion. “What?” You gave it a thought. “Oh.” 

“Oh,” he nodded. 

You cleared your throat. 

“Only if you want to,” he said. 

You bit your lip, and then placed a long kiss, giving him the response he needed. 

“I’ll knock three times,” he whispered. 

You carefully made your way to the restroom, it was bigger than whatever airplane bathroom you’d been in. Of course the first class bathroom had its perks but this was… still exciting. You were excited and scared. The bathroom was big. 

You waited for him and then you heard the three knocks. 

You opened the door, and let him in before making sure nobody had seen you. 

“Are we really doing this?” You questioned as you locked the door, but his lips were already on yours as he pushed you against the wall. The place was reduced but it didn’t matter, he pushed his whole body against you as your hands dug into his hair. 

In your mind, there was slight guilt of doing this but that’s what made it exciting, turning you on even more. 

He squeezed your hips as his mouth travelled down to your neck, leaving small kisses on it. His hot breath fanning against you, you felt him snicker against it. 

“It’s okay if you don’t—“he said suddenly looking up but you shut him up, kissing him, slowly. Your tongue slowly sliding in as he moaned slightly. 

Your hands traced its way down his back, your cold fingers making him shiver as they landed down on his cheeks, pulling him even closer to you, as your pulsating body begged for more movement. 

But you felt nervous, for the first time, you felt nervous. Was it the fact that you were miles up in the air? Or the fact that you were both acknowledging you had feelings? Either way, you couldn’t help but smile between each kiss, as you tasted the remaining sweet chocolate from them. 

You didn’t know what your expectations from this particular experience were, a probably dirty even if it looked impeccable airplane bathroom wasn’t the most romantic thing that you could think of. But if you really squeezed your mind through it, you were about to do it in the sky… that could be romantic. 

But you couldn’t stop giggling between kisses, not when his digits were pressing against your waist. And he couldn’t either. 

“Y/N!” He complained holding back his laughs. “Stop—laughing.” 

You burst into more laughter as your head landed on his shoulder. “Fine, sorry… I’ll be sexy.” 

He scoffed with a cackle. “Don’t—say that,” he couldn’t help but laugh with you. 

You covered his mouth. “Sh, they cant find out I literally think this is a crime!” He licked your hand. “Tom! Not again.”

“What is a crime? Laughing?” He questioned. “Because that’s all we’ve done here, y/n.” 

*

You rolled your eyes and then pulled his head close so you were kissing him again. You bristled down your path with your own digits, sketching each and every muscle on his chest and stomach, he groaned against your lips. 

His own hands explored your body, the pad of his fingers lifting up your t-shirt to coldly rub circles on your belly. 

He cupped your breasts, and slowly massaged them. You moaned against him, but then he pulled them back to travel down your sides, gliding them softly. He then pulled back his wet lips from yours, making you open your eyes abruptly. He was staring at you, in a way that he’d never stared before. Making you forget you were in a first class bathroom. Undressing you with only his eyes as you could only see his eyelashes traveling up and down. And he smiled, in that way that was so him. 

You’d jumped down the abyss now, not fallen, you had purposely jumped down. And you wanted him to touch you, right there and right now, your skin burned at his sight. 

You smiled back, as your hands slid down his pants. You craned your neck back allowing him to suck slightly, ever since you’d first slept with him your neck had been covered with remaining tattoos of his lips. Your fingers brushed against his bulge as he pushed with desperation to grind himself against you. You felt him let out a soft giggle against you as his lips went back to yours, he bit on your bottom lip, as his hands went down to pull down your pants, his digits toying with your core. 

You gasped as soon as he had slid his fingers along your folds, you gripped the back of his t-shirt to gain back your composure, as you spread your thighs open for him. His hands left your core as they travelled to the back cupping your ass, lifting you up, you felt his growing shaft right under your pussy and the only friction was doing its sole job. 

With one hand on his shoulder and the other unbuckling him, you were only letting out deep breaths as his eyes wouldn’t leave yours, driven by lust… but it wasn’t lust, he was entranced by you. His movements were slow as he brought his hands back up to your face, delicate sparks as he pushed your hair back. You could feel your pussy pooling your pants but he wasn’t being rough, he only kept peppering kisses, as if he couldn’t get enough. And you couldn’t either, even when the kisses were getting sloppier and wetter, and at some point, it was only smiling against a smile. The only thing you were both saying between heavy breaths were each other’s names. 

You finally pulled down his pants and underpants to reveal his shaft, dripping already. 

“I didn’t—bring—“

“I’m on the pill,” you quickly snapped. “Need you in me, now,” you ordered as he gave in to your orders, he swiped his tip against your clit and then pushed you against the wall as he thrusted into you in one sole movement, you bit down a moan as you shifted against him, helping him find the spot where you needed him. 

He bit down his lip, as your hands grasped to his back. Between sloppy and messy kisses he started to pump into you at a steady and slow pace, you were digging your nails down his skin as each thrust was getting harder, and deeper. Digging into your body as you tried not to be loud. 

Gentle gasps were leaving your lips as his own lips ere glued to your neck, as he frantically tried to silence himself too. You only felt the cold wall pushing each time against your back. 

One of his hands found your waist while the other rested against the cold wall to steady his rhythm, as you were tightening against him, tiptoeing with one leg as you tried to gain balance. 

The electricity between each thrust and each kiss was summoning you into a deep state of pleasure, as you messily tried to grab onto his whole body, lifting your digits to every possible inch of his body that you could reach. 

This was wrong, right? Then why the hell did it feel so good? At that precise moment you didn’t care if he was planning to break your heart. He could take it and crush it and cut it and you wouldn’t care. 

You rolled back your eyes as you curled your toes as he hit the right spot with every thrust. 

He lifted you and moved you against the sink, he changed his pace as you angled your hips, bucking against him. His lips leaving kisses on your shoulder as you arched your back, him rolling his own hips against yours. 

“Fuck, Tom,” was all you could say.

You panted against him as your eyelids were shutting down. As you tried to shift his hand found your core, circling and toying with your clit, helping you build up the already coming orgasm. 

He surged from your neck to go back to your lips as he knew you were close, you barely could kiss him back as his finger rubbed faster against you. You hang from a built moan that was begging to come out but you had to keep shut. 

“Tom,” was the only thing you could barely chant as you rode down your high, his lips hitting down the bottom of your lip as he was staining his clothes with sweat, pushing against you, each time sloppier, stuttering thrusts. 

“Y/N, fuck—“ was all he could said as he came undone. You felt him filling you, as you pursed your lips, shutting any noise that could come from. 

Between heavy breaths he could only connect your lips with his, barely reciprocated lips as you tried to steady your breath out. 

He pulled out as he kept staring at you, his face glimmering with sweat but a big smile was across his face..

*

You watched him and then couldn’t help but laugh again. 

“Y/N!” He rolled his eyes, but chuckled. 

You smirked. “I can’t believe we just did that.” 

“We just joined the mile high club,” he smirked back as he then pulled you back to him. 

“We should probably go back, they might notice.” 

You both cleaned yourselves up and then you walked back to your seat first of course, not forgetting before giving him one last kiss, feeling like everybody was watching you. They weren’t but of course, your brain was precisely thinking that. 

When he walked back to you, he kissed you again. 

“Easy, I am not doing that again,” you warned him. 

He laughed. “I never thought I’d join that club,” he commented. “At least you’re not scared of planes anymore.” 

You snickered nudging him. “Shut up”

He coughed. “You think anybody noticed?” 

You had pulled up the privacy window yet, as q woman was staring at you. “Yes.” 

He laughed. “Bummer.” 

“I don’t do that on first dates,” you mentioned.

“I know, you do it before even dating,” he teased. 

“Dickhead,” you playfully smacked his arm. 

He took the pillow he had behind him and playfully hit you with it. 

“What is wrong with you!” You laughed and then took your own pillow to use it as a weapon. 

However, the flight attendant had come in, of course, she tried not to make a face at two grown adults having a pillow fight on first-class seats. 

She announced your meals or whatever, you tried not to laugh as Tom was trying to keep a straight face. 

You ate and then ended up cuddling again, you ended up watching Back to the Future, against Tom will, and as you were, both of you were trying to find excuses to kiss in between the scenes. He drifted away, holding you close, and you stared at him, his face being more interesting than the sky that was coming from the window.  You thought about his box. Because you’d already jumped down the abyss.   A box full of secrets and full of memories, a box that told the story of how despite everything, you loved him. And you probably didn’t mind. 

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[boogiewrites]

Mae Flowers Ch. 8

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Mae LeBlanc (OFC)

Summary: A modern, magical Alfie Solomons AU. Alfie takes Mae out to celebrate a milestone in her magical work. It turns into an evening of deep conversation and bonding, learning about one another.

Warnings/Tags: Language.Magic/Supernatural.FLUFF. Bonding. Talk of being soul mates. Support/Love. Talk of confidence issues and mild bad memories.

Click on my screenname then go to Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. (Had to do this since Tumblr killed links, sorry.)

“Go throw something on that makes you feel like celebratin’ and we’ll go out ‘n do just that.”

It was a simple enough request. But one Mae was having a hard time with. She watched the grass and soul gather in the antique tub's drain, washing the sweat from the sun off her warm brown skin. Wiggling her yellow-painted toes, she took a few deep breaths to ease the sense of anxiety building and give the many potted and ivy plants in the bathroom a good dose of co2.

She stood before her full-length mirror in her room whose colors all deep jewel tones made her feel at peace. A mix of malachite, amethyst, and a pop of color with citrine soothed her as she adjusted her dress. Mae wasn’t the “going out” type. Like most, she had a dress that had been dormant in her closet for ages. The one that you bought on a whim when you had some manic episode where you swore you’d start going out and dating and having fun like everyone said you should. But it just sat in the back of your closet. A reminder of money wasted and goals not met.

She frowned, her dark curls against her shoulders only covered by the thin straps of the bold red dress. Her hands moved across her body, a pudge to her stomach, her hips wide from her pear shape and her breasts barely enough to fill out the cups of the dress. It reminded her of the “hot girl” dresses in 90s movies from when she was younger. Cinched in a baby doll cut and the rest hugging her body in a way she was unfamiliar with showing off. Her denim cut-offs and a tank or shop t-shirt were her go to outfits. She never purposely dressed up to seem more attractive, it was function over fashion for her at this point in her life. The last time she’d gotten “dressed up” had been when Ruth and Nancy set her up with a “nice boy” from their church. What a bust that had been.

She let herself take a deep breath to gather what confidence she could and it only deflated into a sigh. She let her head fall back and made silent protests with clawed hands and an angry face before stomping and glaring at her reflection. Why couldn’t she just feel...good? She was a so-called powerful witch but all she saw looking back at her was an unsure girl. Not the confident woman she wished she was. Her chest aches a bit, a pit in her stomach as sadness came and went, flashes of failed attempts at dates and moments others killed her hard work at feeling confident in one single comment.

“Okay…” she exhaled forcefully. “This is as good as it’s going to get.” She flops her hands to her hips and decides maybe a cardigan would be an acceptable addition to the outfit. She could cover up a bit, but it wouldn’t look like she was trying to hide. Yeah. That’d work. She found comfort in the extra layer, adjusting it over her cleavage as she exited her bedroom.

Alfie stood relaxed and confident as always. He looked up to her, hazy blue eyes under a heavy brow of ginger tinged hair. He blinks slowly and watches her unsure movements. He could very literally see the dark haze of uncertainty around her but only a blind man couldn’t see how shy she felt.

“Why’ve ya got a sweater on? It’s blazin' out.” Alfie asks with a furrowed brow as he sees her usually sunny disposition missing.

“If you think it’s hot now I have some bad news about the summers in the south.” she answers back, a clear deflection.

“I know it’s hot enough to melt ya bollocks to your leg down ‘ere but that’s not what I asked now was it?”

Her face falls into a defensive expression. “It’s part of the outfit.” she says and averts her eyes from his.

“Mae. Now, what would be the point in lying to me? When I don’t even have to get into that noggin of yours to read it.”

“None I guess.”

“So why are ya?”

“Because I don’t wanna get into it,” she states with an attitude-filled head shake. “I’m just trying to...get through this night out you wanted to do.”

“Nope.” he says with a clap of his hands and moves her over to the couch. He squats in front of her and stares her down. “We don’t lie to each other Mae. Not only is it pointless it serves no purpose for growth. And that’s why we’re together. So I’ll ask again.”

“Just read my mind if you wanna know so bad. Since you can just poof everything into existence without trying.” she snaps back.

“You’re acting like a teenager, Mae. You’re a grown woman.”

She glares at him because he’s right. “I’m wearing it because I want to hide. Is that what you want to hear?” she blurts out.

“The truth yes but I never want you to feel poorly.” he pats her knee. “Why?”

She huffs out, feeling her face be red with embarrassment and hurt and anger. “Because I don’t… I’ve never worn this and it’s tight and I’m not… I don’t wear things like this because it’s something hot girls wear and I’m not that.”

“No, you are not.”

His eyes blink and go wide at his response.

“You are a beautiful woman. Not some slaggy young thing. You are of substance. Of...principal and power.” He sees the tears prickle up in her eyes from her rush of emotions. “You also look lovely in that dress. Red suits you. It’s a shame a woman like you would lack confidence when you owe the world nothing. You gracing these mortals with your visage is a gift they do not deserve.”

“You’re just being full of shit now Alfie.” she groans.

“No. No Mae darling I am not. I said no lies did I not? I stand by that.” he raises her chin with his calloused index finger. “I understand that your big big soul is feeling lots of things in this little human body of yours. I know you’ve been hiding it from me and I commend you for trying to handle it all on your own. But the purpose of us existing my love is to NOT have to deal with these burdens alone. Now tell Alfie what is wrong so he may mend it.” he leans in to kiss her forehead and hug her. It was too much for her little heart to handle. “Let it out little one.” he shushes as she sniffles and pretends she doesn’t want to sob and wail.

“I just feel so… boring. So not confident and I don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror. Nothing is where I want it. I don’t look how I should. I don’t-” she hiccups and he wipes away her tears.

“Says who? Who told you you had to look any certain way? Some old rich white man behind a desk who doesn’t give a shit about you and only wants your sorrow to make more money off of things you don’t need based on self-hate? Who do these negative emotions serve eh? Not you. And you are all you have to be concerned with. You are as you are. As you are is how you should be. There is no “supposed to” in reality, Mae love. There is only a culture that hates women. And you are so very fuckin' far above their standards and expectations I cannot even begin to tell you. You are otherworldly. A soul full of sunshine and vulnerability. Things most humans hide from. You are growing and with that comes those damned waves of emotions. This is why we do the shadow work, yeah? We accept all parts of us, and release what no longer serves us? I’m not just talkin’ out me arse love. I promise.”

“You...really?” she sniffles.

“Not to force any standards of beauty upon you my darling little sunspot but you are the most beautiful soul I have ever encountered and will ever encounter. To me you are perfection and I hope one day to make you see that as well.”

She begins to cry again and he takes her back into his arms. “You’re so nice to me-ee-e.” she stutters.

“Only honest pet. You created life with your thoughts today Mae bug!” he squeezes her upper arms. “You are so powerful. And you’ve barely scratched the surface. Now let's dry those tears, right? Let’s take off this shroud of negativity you call a jumper.” he chuckles and takes it off her and then pats her cheeks with it.

“It’s a sweater you cockney bastard.” she lets out a giggle that he answers with an amused snort.

“There she is.” he bops her on the nose. “A smart mouth and cheeky disposition was something I always did favor in a woman.” he muses and helps her up from the couch. “And you are a clever little thing. Far too smart to feel so low about yourself.”

“Thank you.” she says quietly.

“Now chin up pumpkin. We are going to go out and have a wonderful time, yeah? Celebrate your progress and the simple fact it is a beautiful evening and we just so happen to exist at the same time. That’s enough cause for a drink and a good meal.”

“You’re… very good with words.” she says as he fusses with her curls and wipes away any running mascara from her eyes.

“Thank you. Ol’ cockney bastard like me has to have something going for him, eh?” he grins.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mae sat back and enjoyed the breeze in Alfie's antique car that resembled more of a boat to her. It was long, a bit excessive but it did suit him. Something quirky for a man that looked like some sort of mystical cult leader in dress and charm. He could feel the calm around them now. The late evening air humid but the breeze made it tolerable. With her head laid back in a nest of curls and her eyes closed the golden light of the sunset highlighted the round highs of her face. A round heart-shaped face with doll eyes and high cheek bones and a button nose sat in the middle of all the delicate softness. He smiles softly, glancing over and seeing her take in the day's last touch of sunlight as it sets.

“You seem to be doing better.” he speaks softly and pats her knee to break her from her half-hearted moment of meditation.

“I am.” She answers softly.

“You seem like the type to enjoy solitude and silence more than the company of others.”

“Yeah. When I was young I wanted to have ‘my’ people so bad. My own little group. But then I got used to being alone. Now I prefer it.”

“When other's lower vibrations drain your energy it’s hard to want to be around that. We can work on shielding. But tonight is about a good time. What is a good time for you Mae? What is that moment you just sit and relish in and appreciate?”

She tilts her head in thought. Blinking slowly she tries to find her happy place. “In the morning on Sundays. I’ve slept well and have the day off. I’ve got my favorite mug and I’m in my little spot in the sunroom. It’s raining and Percy is asleep on the bench. My music is playing in the kitchen. Outside is quiet and all you hear is the rain. You can forget you live around people on those mornings. Everything foggy and dewy and the sheets of rain run off the glass ceiling.” She lets out a content exhale. “That’s my favorite time.”

“Lovely innit. Life’s simple pleasures.” He mused and scratches his chin. “I believe I can work with that.” He nods. “I know a little hidden beer garden I believe you might enjoy. We'll go there.”

“A beer garden?”

“Yeah.” He says obviously and confused by the questioning inflection in her voice.

“What’s that?”

He turns and blinks rapidly at her for a moment before looking to the road. “You dont-?” His brows furrowed in question. “You don’t know what a beer garden is?”

“Would I be askin' if I did?”

He lets out a small snort of amusement. “‘Spose not. A pub-a bar outdoors. This one's in the old part of the city.”

“I don’t go there much because of the tourists.”

“No tourists where we’re going. Not exactly Bourbon street.”

“So an outside bar? Do they call those beer gardens? Weird.”

“Well, I think you not having tea in every restaurant is weird.”

“We got sweet tea.” She grins.

“We are not having this argument again Mae. That abomination is NOT tea. It’s sugar water in a cowboy hat.”

She lets out a giggle that warms him, recalling an almost argument on sweet tea and good British char one night before bed. Mae didn’t see what the big deal was. But she was promptly informed by Alfie it’s because she was a bloody yank so she never would.

————————-

The place he took her was off the beaten path. A small old white building with a courtyard in the middle with small iron tables and canopies. It was quiet and rustic and full of plants along the walls and in decorative planters. It felt green and wet and lush and alive and she felt oddly at home. A gentlemanly pulling out of her chair before he sat, his crystal pendants glinted in the sun around his neck. They lay at the edge of his vest, a dark and worn fabric over his usual worn in white button ups.

“Order whatever you like darlin' this is a treat for you.”

“I’m gonna order sweet tea.”

“Cheeky bugger.” he smirks and keeps his eyes on the menu.

“I’m not sure.” She says quietly.

“When I say order what you like I do mean you could order the whole fuckin' thing.”

She blinks and thinks a moment. “What if I actually did?” Her big curious eyes have a smile to them as she looks his way.

“I wouldn’t have to worry bout cookin' dinner for a tick then would I?” He answers with a playful nod her way. “I think I’ll go with seafood.” He says after a long pause. “No point in wastin' bein so close to the water eh? Perhaps calamari to start. Fried, of course, because you lot can’t just leave things be.”

“Never had that.”

“Hmmph. Guess you will be tonight.” He affirms with a nod.

“We could get the variety appetizer. I haven’t tried escargot either.”

“A day of firsts calls for a night of the same.” He declares confidently to her. “We are here for you Mae. Indulge.”

———————————

They sit among multiple plates and drinks, the frosted glass of the table growing cool as the sun sets and the garden lights and music turned on. A little candle was lit on the table for “ambiance” the waitress said with a wink. Mae tried to hide a blush but ALfie felt the ruffle of energy come from her and hid an amused smirk.

“Can I have some of your-?”

“Yes, of course, scoot ya bum over here.” Alfie chuckles and pulls her chair next to him. With their arms pushed together she lets out a small but audible content sigh. She continues to pick at his appetizers and he at hers. A vibrating calm between them as they touch.

“Nice innit?”

“It’s really good.” Her answer is muffled by the food in her mouth.

“The food is yes but not what I meant.”

“Wat.” She says with stuffed cheeks and wide questioning eyes.

“This.” He holds his hand out palm up on the table.

She looks at it and blinks.

In his head, he hears. “What the fuck?” And he laughs.

“Put your hand over mine Mae bug.” He chuckles as he holds her hand a few inches above his own. She holds in and swallows, she gives a small shiver in response. He touches his fingertips to hers.

“It tickles.” She giggles and slaps his hand.

“Not into tickling?”

She shrugs. “Not really? Not really had it done before.”

“How’s bout this?” He asks with a nod of his head, lacing their fingers together and resting

“Mmm.” She hums and smiles at him. “That you or the alcohol?”

“Can’t take credit completely. Can’t feel it myself without you.” He says it matter of factly but he feels the sentimental response like warm honey through his veins.

She studies his face a moment and then their hands, taking her time and connecting and disconnecting, tips then palms, moving to put as much skin to skin as she can. With their arms and shoulders pushed against one another, she speaks softly in realization, “It's when we touch.”

He makes a grunt of agreement. “What’s it feel like for you?” His curiosity gets the better of him.

“It’s...good.” She says after a pause.

“You can be more descriptive than that.” He scolds playfully.

“Than what’s it like for you?” She sass's back and takes a drink with her free hand.

“There was a place...long long ago I lived alone. Which is what I preferred. I got away from my old life, a pipe dream to be sure. But it was the happiest I had been before...this life. Feels like that relief. But without the loneliness.” He looks at her and she once again has tears in her eyes. “Oh come now love do your eyes ever dry?” He laughs and dabs at her cheeks.

“That’s better than I could ever put it.” She says and smiles. A sniffle and she squeezes back. “It’s our souls right? They missed each other this much? It’s like I feel warm down into my bones.”

“We missed you more than even my silver tongue can express.”

She lets out a heavy sigh. “I must’ve missed you too. Because this feels…” she smiles sweetly and puts her head on his shoulder, only feeling more contentment. “Feels right.”

“Like morning sunshine. Warm and dare, I admit,  happy.”

“Probably Like a good hug or like when Ruth makes me a pie when I’m sad.”

“I do suppose that would be rather good.”

“The best.” She smiles as she rests her cheek on him. “Man… people are missing out. This is like drugs.” She softly laughs.

“Why did you say it's probably like a good hug? Odd way to put it.”

“Well… people say hugs from people you love or miss are the best.” She pauses. “But I don’t know that I’ve ever had one of those.” She admits.

“I admit I don’t know how you aren’t beloved by everyone. A sunspot like yourself should know of everything good and pleasurable in life. You deserve only the best Mae. And if I can help it I’ll help you feel the love you’ve deserved. Show you how to open up. You are a white witch after all, you radiate love.”

“Guess it’s all going out and not stayin' in” she mumbles and gives him a half-smile. It was a rather good observation.

“So many things you haven’t done yet” Alfie muses as he feels her inexperience in her thoughts.

“I can… feel you up in there.” She pulls away and shakes her head, curls bouncing. She shivers. “That’s so strange I can… feel you in there now.”

“You’re learning how to.”

“It kinda… feels like you’re scratching an itch in my brain.”

“Because I mean no harm, only help.”

“Does it hurt if a bad person is trying to get in my head?”

“For a sensitive little bean like yourself, I would assume so. It’s all about intention. As I’ve said. I see loneliness and fear of missing out and I want to alleviate it. So with good intention brings good feeling.”

“What are you seeing?”

“I don’t want to upset you, darling.”

“It’s my head it won’t upset me.” she snorts.

“I see you alone at a school dance. On the bleachers. Watching everyone else dance together.”

“Yeah. That is a bit upsetting.” She shrugs. “But a long time ago.”

“It was...the first time you felt a real romantic rejection and alienation.” He squints his eyes as he saw a small underdeveloped Mae in an out of style hand me down dress hiding tears as a boy she thought might’ve liked her looked at her and laughed with his date that was the opposite of what she looked like.

“Yeah… it got easier after that.”

“Shutting out everyone else isn’t easier Mae it’s self-sabotage.”

“Well.” She says thoughtfully. “It made it hurt less.”

He looks down at her with understanding. She was so full of life and emotion and she was robbing herself from fear and it made him sad for a moment to see her potential being stunted due to the hateful actions of others. “I’m here to show you how to master your emotions to unlock your potential, love.”

“That sounds...exhausting.” She looks down at his hand and rubs its embrace with her thumb.

“Nah. We can start small.” He insists with a look around. “Let’s start by checkin' something off your list.” He implores as he begins to rise.

“Like what?”

“I’m going to give you that dance.” He states obviously

“I don’t...I’m not a dancer.”

“Neither am I?” He laughs. “It’s about the experience. With it grows your confidence. It’s simple, I’ll show you.”

“I know HOW I just…” she glances around. “I don’t wanna in front of people.” She whispers

“I can fix that. Make it so no one notices us.”

“You can do that?”

“I can do most things you could ever imagine.” She looks around the small courtyard and weighs her options. He stood with a steady hand outreached .”I could even SHOUT ABOUT HOW ICED TEA IS SHIT...and no one can hear.” He grins.

Her eyes go wide but see's no one even glances their way as she rises to her feet. “Are we invisible?”

“No, just an illusion of the mind.”

“Can I be invisible?” She asks as he pulls her to the open center of the patio space.

“I can show you how to be very elusive. Although I don’t know why you would want to be.”

“Because I’m shy. Crippled with anxiety. Full of trauma. Where do you want to start?” She answers honestly but with a chuckle.

“We’ll start with this.” He pulls her close and minds his hands to keep it PG. She was skittish enough without adding physical affection to the mix.

She slowly gives in to his affectionate embrace. A simple back and forth and distanced as she’d wanted in her memory. He can feel the remnants of hurt the memory left around her, her yellow energy turning blue. “I know it means nothing when a man says these sorts of things, and only time will prove it to be true but you don’t have to worry about me rejecting your true self Mae. You do know that?” She looks up at him, knowing she must’ve been very bad at hiding her fear. “As cliche as it is we were made for each other and I have no intentions of abandoning this partnership.” He pauses and she lets out a heavy sigh. “I know love it seems like everyone has left you that’s said that. But I won’t yeah?” He gives her cheek a gentle playful stroke.

“Thank you. For trying to help me.” She says softly, feeling a warmth that wasn’t from the summer evenings still wet heat. “For being nice while I’m… still all...fucky.” She grins and lets out a soft laugh. “I know I’m grown but I feel like such a child sometimes. I’m kinda glad you can read my mind because with feel like I don’t even know what’s going on in there sometimes.”

“You’re going through a...magical puberty Mae and you’re doing wonderfully. I only celebrate things worth it and today-and your work was. Excess innit? Folks like us aren’t meant to be about it. It’ll go to our heads.”

“Good thing I don’t have to worry about that.”

“Your powers are just beginning and you’ll grow as they do. You’ll come to understand yourself and the things you’ve been through as lessons. You have so much power within you little one you’ll be astounded one day looking back at your life before. We have so much to gain, and it’s worth these emotional outbursts your human self insists on having.”

“You make everything sound so fancy and purposeful.”

“It’s just the age and accent dear.” he grins.

“You’re very wise.” She insists with big soft eyes. “I’m glad you’re my person. I need someone to keep things straight like you do.” She leans in and hugs him but doesn’t pull away.

He smiles down at her, a flutter in his stomach for this small gentle creature being accepting of him despite the dark monstrosity he had fancied himself for so long. “You’re too kind Mae.” He places a kiss on her bouncy head of curls and settles into a comfortable embrace.

She sighs and surprisingly to him cozies up to his chest. “I like these Feel Good drugs” she grins as he holds his hand to her bareback with her head on his chest. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Course. Always will be.” they both feel it warm and encompassing them both. A moment of being on the same page and the barriers between them thin.

———

They stuffed themselves on seafood and local beef and ease was between them now that hadn’t existed before. A bit of honesty went a long way with Mae. Her nature was very trusting in general and optimistic, so Alfie's reassurance left her feeling much more relaxed than she had in a long while. Alford was practiced at restraint as Mae was not. So he could not only feel but see in her eyes as they parted for the night to go to their rooms that she didn’t want to separate. He found it very endearing of her to want him around. He would as always have her make her own choices in her own time. Make her ask for the things she wanted. So instead of making the giant step of sleeping in the same bed, platonically, mind you, he simply whispered a soft intention as she snuggled into her own bed and yearning for that comfort he gave her now.

“Sleep well little one and may the morning find you as sunny as it.”

She hears him in her head and sighs, a happy one this time.

“Goodnight Alfie.” She murmurs, trying to send the thought his way and not knowing if she succeeded. But she had.

@jaegeeeeer​  @brianaisasongbird​ @hardygal69​ @emerald-bijou​ @captstefanbrandt​ @coolgh0st​ @tinastarkandco​ @xstylishmileage​   ​ @peakys-mystic @likedovesinthewnd​

[mrsalwayswrite]

Sunlight (Bucky Barnes x OFC)

I wrote this for @geekandbooknerd​ birthday challenge! Yay! I know its a bit early but happy birthday! 

My prompt was “If there is anything, there is us. You and me. No one else.”- Jennifer L. Armentrout, Onyx. 

It kind of turned into a Avengers/X-Men crossover. So some mentions of X-Men characters but mostly about Bucky & OFC. 

Warnings: slight angst, brief mention of torture, all the fluff! 

Words: 3400

"WHERE IS SHE?!" Bucky stormed up to his best friend, leaving terrified SHIELD agents in his wake. He did not care about the scene he was making in the hallway of the Avengers Compound. His fear and fury overrode his concern to stay calm.

 "She ran off. Soon as we touched down, I tri…."

 Bucky turned on his heels, ready to sprint. He had to find her. He could listen to excuses and rational later. His mind and body drove him towards only one thing- to seek her out and offer comfort...until a hand clasped his shoulder, keeping him still. 

 "I'm sorry, Buck. We thought...I thought…" Steve sighed, running a hand through his hair. He still wore his dirty uniform, not even having had a chance to clean up from the mission yet. "Things didn't go as planned. She did well. She...she was a help to have on the mission. Please let her know that."

 The brunet could only nod, every cell in his being screaming at him to go find his girl. Soon as Steve removed his hand, Bucky took off. 

 People practically leapt out of his way...which was smart on their account. He was not above running people over right now. He was used to his friends teasing him about his murder strut- their term, not his- about how it made people either run in fear of their lives or hyperventilate with lust. He tried to not think about it too much. Although it did have its uses on occasion. 

 Bursting out the nearest outside door, he ran using all his super soldier speed. He knew where she would be. More than one time she had called it a safe place, especially when it was sunny out. The buildings for the Avengers Compound flew by him. He vaguely thought he heard someone call his name but it did not matter. He had to get to his girl. 

 The first hints of autumn could be seen in the trees surrounding the Compound. Most were still green but swatches of color peeked through with their yellows and oranges. The underbrush made each step he took in his combat boots sound like a herd of elephants walked by but now he did not have to focus on moving silently. He wore tactical pants and a black t-shirt, having been working on extra security measures for the Avengers building when Steve called him. Immediately he dropped the StarkPad and ran, ignoring those he had been working with. 

 He passed the giant elm tree that always seemed otherworldly to him...then he could see her. He always wondered what made this spot special. There was nothing unique about it in the forest surrounding the Compound...except for a giant ass boulder. Deciduous trees surrounded the spot, creating an almost nature-made barricade around the small open area with the boulder in the middle. Sunlight shown directly on it, uninterrupted by branches or leaves. It almost looked like the eye of a hurricane, and maybe that was why she always came to this spot. It was peaceful. 

 And there she sat looking like a fairy from a children's story, minus the wings. Her Nordic blonde hair danced about her in the slight breeze, the long stands almost hypnotic in their movements. Her face was turned upward, facing the afternoon sun, like a flower seeking its warmth. Her slender arms were wrapped around her legs, her alabaster skin on full display with her bare feet, black leggings and navy tank top. She must have ditched the outer part of her uniform and ran, not even bothering to go back to her room to change first. 

 Standing just on the edge of the tree line, he could only stare, taken back by her beauty once again. He wished he was artistic like Steve to paint or sketch her. That he could somehow show her how gorgeous she was to him, to erase all those self-doubts she harbored still. Instead he strove to remind her every day in whatever way he could. 

 "Leyna!" He called out, having moved out of the trees into the open area surrounding the boulder. 

 She turned her head briefly to meet his eyes then turned her face back upward, soaking in the sunlight. 

 That quick look had been enough for him to see the dried tear streaks on her cheeks. He clambered up the rock, continuously amazed at how she was able to navigate the damn thing when she was so small. He was almost a foot taller than her and the stupid rock was tricky for him between the lack of handholds, lichen and moss that covered it. It was at least twice as tall as him, and three times as wide in some strange skinny oval shape. It vaguely reminded him of the kind of stones that were good for skipping rocks on top of water, but on a giant scale. 

 Once up, he walked towards where she sat in the middle, feeling the heat of the sun hitting him anew. Without a word, he sat behind her, placing himself so her back was to his chest, his legs outstretched and his flesh arm wrapped around her waist. Silently she leaned back into him, still facing the sun, eyes closed. He laid his cheek against the top of her head, his metal arm outstretched to stabilize them. 

 The only sounds were those of the birds singing around them, the occasional shout coming from the direction of the Compound and their own breathing. It was peaceful. Something both of them craved instinctively. 

 He waited for her, knowing this was more than just a quiet place to be. There was her place to "recharge", as she liked to call it, both physically and mentally. After several minutes, a faint golden shimmer surrounded her hands. Slowly she held out one of her hands and moved her fingers as if in a dance. 

 Watching her use her powers was one of his favorite things to do. She tried to explain it to him once, how her powers worked. Something how she could manipulate light photons and atoms to change their structure to become whatever she wished, either a solid creation or an illusion. It was about three PhD degrees above his head but he got the gist. He smiled remembering when she first met Bruce Banner and how the man almost wet himself, he was so excited to run experiments and lab tests on her and her powers. Bucky had never seen the man so thrilled. Then the time she met Loki and he learned she could do illusions also. He had jumped at the chance of a competition between them that left the Compound in a strange golden, greenish haze for two days because of the amount of magic used and atoms/photons messed with for the insane amount of illusions created. 

 Using both hands, she twirled and manipulated them in front of her, using the direct sunlight to create something. Sunlight was her life source. Yes, she needed to eat and drink like anyone else but she always joked she was like a solar-powered being. Without sunlight her powers faded to nothing and she would wither away. 

 His eyes remained glued to her hands as she worked, curious as to what she was making now. With a final flourish, a long dagger lay across her palms, dwarfing her hands. The handle was the deepest black while the blade itself had a slight curve and shone a brilliant silver in the sunlight. It had a slight etching on the silver that looked like artistic flames running along the outside. 

 "That one might be my new favorite." He nuzzled her neck, thoroughly enjoying the way she squirmed and giggled. He loved when she made him shiny, sharp things. 

 "Maybe I'll make you a matching set."

 He took the dagger from her, eyeing it hungrily before slipping it into his boot. Good thing the training room was open at all hours. He planned on experimenting with it later. 

 They sat in silence for a few more minutes before she spoke, drawing lazy circles on his arm still around her waist. 

 "Steve call you?"

 "He was worried." He kissed her hair lightly. "Wanna talk about it?"

 He could feel her hesitation then the story was whispered into the wind, her voice shaky. "There was a cell...I got separated from the others...Some...um, a few HYDRA soldiers managed to taze me, get me down...they covered my eyes...and got a chain on my wrist…" She took a deep breath, he squeezed her, knowing how hard this was for her. "Steve found me at that point, he took them out and helped me get away."

 "Oh baby, I'm so sorry." It was only after she mentioned her wrist, he peeked over her shoulder to see her right wrist that looked raw and red. Seeing her injury, he clenched his metal fist. Fury rolled through him like a steam train, anger at both HYDRA for trying to take her from him and himself for not being there to protect her. He pulled her closer to him with both arms, needing the reassurance she was still here, with him. 

 "I don't think I can do this anymore, Bucky." She suddenly choked out, tears falling afresh. "I don't...I can't go through that again. I'm not strong enough."

 "Leyna…we all have our triggers that remind us of our pasts. No one blames you."

 "I put the mission in danger."

 "Steve said you did well and that you were a help."

 She shook her head. "I don't think I can keep doing this."

 They sat in silence. He understood what was going through her mind. Hell, he dealt with it himself on a regular basis. The question of how much of one's past could still haunt their future. 

 Leyna had been found by the X-Men when they took down a cult who were kidnapping mutants. She had been chained to a wall in complete darkness, refused any source of sunlight or artificial light for months on end until she either gave them the information they wanted or she died. The X-Men had brought her back to the mutant school where she stayed to recover, since when they found her, she was barely conscious. When Charles examined her mind, he discovered she was not a mutant but an enhanced like Wanda Maximoff, though where she got her powers was unknown. Just over two years after being rescued and residing at the mutant school, Charles thought sending her to the Avengers would be the best for her and to begin creating a working relationship between the Avengers and the X-Men. Leyna was to be a sort of liaison between the two groups constantly saving the world. 

 It had been a year since she joined the Avengers and everyone acknowledged how quickly she fit it. Almost like she had been a missing puzzle piece that they had not realized was missing. 

 "Do...do you think they'll send me back? To Charles? He sent me here to help but…" Her voice dropped off, fear and uncertainty evident. 

 "I am sure the Professor would understand. And there are more ways than one to help. You don't have to be out in the field to be useful. I know I prefer when you don't go on missions. Sam had to sit on me this time so I wouldn't stow away on the ship and come with you."

 She giggled, her head resting on his shoulder. "I feel the same way when you leave for a mission. Wanda and I used to get drunk but after the...electrical incident, we're not allowed to anymore."

 He chuckled, "so that's what happened, huh? You guys said you tried to combine your powers or something."

 "Remember, we were drunk and apparently decided we wanted to have a dance party. So, I tried to create a disco ball and stroke lights while she was trying to do something with the music...but it all backfired."

 He openly laughed at that. "Doll, the two of you managed to blow out all the electricity in the Compound and even put FRIDAY offline for a bit. Tony was furious. Hell, I heard Wanda's room had to be completely renovated because of the power surge that went through it. Thankfully it had reinforced, special walls or whatever Tony calls them."

 "Why do you think she's been sleeping in Vision's room?"

 "That was...what, three months ago? And it's still not fixed?"

 She shrugged. "She doesn't feel rushed to return to her own room. "

 They lapsed back into silence, his arms still around her. Her face was still upturned, soaking in the afternoon sun. He watched her profile, in awe that someone as pure, selfless and fun would ever look at him twice. As he stared, he could see her lips pursing slightly while her brow furrowed. It broke his heart that she still struggled with such self-doubt. 

 "Leyna, turn around." At her hesitation, he ran his lips softly over the corner of her jaw. "Please."

 Slowly, she did. Turning around to straddle his waist, she wrapped her arms around his neck while his own hands gripped her hips to hold her. 

 "Look at me."

 It was only after his quiet command that she finally lifted her gaze from his chest. Her violet eyes always enthralled him, calling to some deep primitive part that wanted to bask in her light for the rest of his life. 

 "We're not gonna kick you out if you come off the field. Hell, you are one of our best at recon and observation. If that's all you want to do, the others will understand. Natasha will probably buy you a bottle of that Russian vodka that she loves cause she won't be the only one sent on those kinds of missions anymore. And even if that is too much, you have a great mind for tactics and seeing things others don't. You would be a benefit for working in the control room while we're on a mission. You'd have our backs still and could keep an eye out for things we might miss."

 "Charles sent me to help…" She hedged but he was having none of that. He gripped her chin, holding her gaze, hoping she would believe him and stay. Not just for the Avengers...but for him. 

 "And you would be. You've always been a huge help… Or would you prefer to go back to the School? Is that what you would prefer? I'm sure Logan would prefer that. He still hasn't forgiven me for having you be my girl."

 "He hasn't tried to kill you though."

 "What do you call what happened last time he came to check on you?" He demanded, eyeing her smirk. "Just a misunderstanding?"

 She laughed, massaging the back of his neck. "He only destroyed the couch. It could have been far worse."

 "Yeah, and I had been sitting on that couch! His claws were inches from my head!" 

 "Mmm...good thing you have such great reflexes." She leaned forward and pressed a teasing kiss to his lips. 

 His hands tightened on her hips. "Babydoll, you do that again and I'll show you what other great reflexes I have."

 "Outside?"

 "What? Ain't nobody around?"

 She swatted his chest, laughing before laying her head on his shoulder. "And if I just wanted to be with you? Not do anything...just be here with you?"

 "If there is anything, there is us. You and me. No one else." He lifted her chin to gaze into her eyes, the sunlight making them glow. "We can do whatever we want. Go wherever we want. Just us."

 "Mmm...and Steve." She hummed, tracing a finger lazily on his chest. 

 "What?"

 "You and me...and Steve. There is no way Steve would let us go off alone. He would miss his best friend too much and is too stubborn to let you go. He'd leave the Avengers first. Then Sam would be all offended and come along too since he and Steve are also best friends and I think secretly you and Sam are best friends but neither wants to acknowledge it. Natasha would hunt us down next. You know Peter would send us more of those little videos but they would be all sad and puppy eyes since wherever we are, I'm sure his Aunt May would not let him come. Plus, he's like the little brother I've always wanted… If Natasha finds us, Clint will show up eventually. Then Scott would too since Steve is with us. I swear I've never seen a bigger fangirl than Scott. Tony would crash at some point because well, it's Tony…"

 He cut her off, chuckling because however much he wanted to deny it. It was true. "Ok ok, I get the picture. Christ. I think we need some new friends."

 "Like Logan?"

 "I still can't believe you dated the Wolverine. I feel I should question your taste in men."

 "Hey! It was short lived and we both realized we were better as friends. Sides, if we're worried about my taste in men, what does that say about you?" She teased, a smile on her lips. 

 "You go for the tall, dark and handsome." 

 "That applies to Logan too...mmm...maybe I just prefer old guys?"

 "Alright, that's it!" He stood up, throwing her over his shoulder. "I come out here to take care of my best girl and what do I get...insults!" Carefully he jumped down to the ground, making sure not to jostle her too much with the impact. He started back towards the Compound, trying to control the smile on his face while listening to Leyna laughing over his shoulder. "See if I share my ice cream with you tonight."

 "Bucky…" she whined, wiggling against him, "that's mean."

 "Old guys...you've been spending too much time with Sam. Really need to get some new friends." He muttered mostly to himself. 

 "Put me down, Bucky."

 He set her on a nearby stump so she was actually eye level to him. Carefully he ran a hand through her blonde hair, loving that she let him play with it. "You know I meant it, what I said earlier."

 "I know, love." She cupped his face and pressed a kiss to his lips. 

 He eagerly kissed her back, diving into her affections without hesitation. He loved the way she fit in his arms, the way her lips glided against his, how his heart threatened to explode with joy with just the mere thought of her. Although they had not yet said those three little words to one another, he knew it was true for him. She was perfect for him, and although she had her quirks that annoyed him and her own haunted past that gave her nightmares, he would not change anything about her.

 Finally, they broke apart, both breathing a little more heavily and dopey smiles on both their faces. He would love to stay here with her, just the two of them and kiss her senseless or until he removed any self-doubt she still struggled with. The Avengers' part of his mind reminded him that she had run out to the forest before the debrief which would be a headache in itself if they did not return soon. He sighed, lamenting that this moment had to end. "Come on, doll. Let's get you back. Steve will want to check in with you."

 "Ok…"

 He stepped away for her to jump down but she did not move. 

 "Doll…" That grin on her face spelled trouble, he just knew it. 

 "I'm tired...can you give me a piggyback ride?"

 He raised an eyebrow at her. 

 She smiled sweetly, hands clasped in front of her and swaying slightly. Between the delicate features, small stature and purple eyes, she really did look like a damn fairy. 

 "Fine…"

 She squealed as she climbed onto his back, wrapping her arms around his neck. Just as he thought about protesting loudly, she smacked a loud kiss on his cheek then giggled. Who was he kidding, he would do anything for her. 

 If he had to give a few death glares and mild threats in the future to suppress jokes about the Winter Soldier giving piggyback rides…that was not his fault. 

[jokerownsmysoul]

the extension of two souls shared around a tiny table

Summary: on a sunny spring morning you’re enjoying each other’s presence, your love is stronger than ever while your daughter is looking for Joker to spend some time with her daddy. You’re just… happy.

Pairings: Joker x Reader + biological daughter Content: soft, fluff

Warnings: nothing?? Only fluffy things

Word count: 4453

If you want, for a better atmosphere I was listening to this song.

A/N, just one thing: I got inspired by a dream I had two nights ago about Joker, I was afraid to write it because usually is Arthur having a family, I’ve never read this prompt with Joker. But still in my dream there was Joker, not Arthur, he came to me without me calling him and I didn’t want to change it by putting Arthur instead. I just wondered what Joker would do if he had a family and that’s what came out. It was a long shot to write it because I know that this fluffy version of Joker may not be supported by everyone but I run the risk, in any case I would understand it because each of us see him in his own way I didn’t know fluffy Joker hit me that much and I want to write a second part and a series dedicated to this family so badlyyyy I loved them and the connection between Joker and his daughter. and it makes me sad that he doesn’t have all of this :( This fic opened my heart in half and filled it with flowers and made them bloom and I hope you will appreciate it too.

Also… What are the chances of me finding this pic which shows two important elements I put in this fic, especially the green teddy bear, after I wrote it? I loved this coincidence and I like to think that this fic was just meant to be

A/N: english is not my first language so I apologize for any typos, I’m still learning.

You were happy. On this day, while you were baking a cake, all you could think about was this.

You three were happy.

It was a sunny morning, all the windows of the apartment were open and its long curtains danced in the wind, creating vortices of fabrics that danced in the living room as if they were guests who had snuck into your home. Sometimes you looked up from the cake batter you were preparing to watch their dance, surprising yourself so enchanted that several times you’d even forgotten that you were baking a cake, that the oven, now hot, was waiting for you to bake it and that there was a physical world beyond the magical one you could see in the dance of these curtains.

There was just something in these curtains that you couldn’t explain. It wasn’t just curtains being moved by the wind, you saw something more poetic in that dance. You saw the beauty of life flowing before your eyes, you saw the freedom that could be found in the simple act of being led by someone, by something, like these curtains that were guided by the sunny air of a spring day.

Spring rarely visited this city. The days were often dark, the sun didn’t explode in all its light but it was always faded and covered by a blurry patina, the sky was continuously dyed gray and full of clouds even during the summer.

But the rare times when the sun took space between the clouds and its light exploded, it did so in such a way that no one could ignore its presence, it did in all its luminous power. The sunny spring days in Gotham were rare, but when they arose, they were breathtaking. Sometimes you thought that during these long dark periods the sun preserved its energies to use them all at once in one single day by coloring everything yellow. It wanted to be heard, it wanted to tell you that the sun existed and that it wasn’t gone.

These curtains dancing in the air showed all the beauty hidden in the world that not everyone could see, an entity hidden in everything around you, the natural reminder of the fact that in life not everything is lost and there is always hope for forgiveness.

These curtains were telling you that life was in all things animated and inanimate, it hid on the surface and you had to know how to see it. You saw the beauty of life looking at your freshly washed white silk curtains which smelled clean, dragged by the scented spring air which flooded the apartment with an electric floral smell, and if you had closed your eyes you could have seen a garden full of multicoloured flowers right inside your eyelids.

Joker was sitting on the table next to one of the living room windows and the wind coming in through the window made his strands of green hair dance here and there. The dance maded by these green hair moving in such a way reminded you of the same dance of fresh freshly cut grass which performs following the steps of the wind on spring days like this. Occasionally you looked at him and you were aware that his beauty confused you and distracted you much more than the curtains, no matter how beautiful they might be. Joker was your best distraction. He was looking at his book of jokes, the cigarette he was smoking and the pen took turns in his hand following a precise rhythm, he had a frustrated expression on his face which had appeared after the umpteenth time he had cancelled the punchline of a joke.

“Hard work day, love?” You asked as you watched the curtains dancing behind him, noticing his forehead creased and frowny eyebrows. Joker kept his gaze fixed on the book twirling a strand of hair around the fingers of his hand with which he wasn’t writing and playing with it thoughtfully. “I just can’t finish this joke, it’s harder than I thought.” You nodded by acknowledging the weariness in his face, smiling at yourself for the commitment he still put into his vocation despite everything had happened to him. You’d always admired how much perseverance, how much precision he put on his jokes. Joker was a meticulous man, and you were sorry that no one could see how dedicated he was to all the things he loved. In his jokes, in his job, in his family.

You and your little girl were his first priority. His breath and his whole existence were completely given to the two most important people in his life, you two, and every day he showed it to you with his permanent presence. “Is there anything I can do for you?” Joker looked up to you and met you. Your messy hair, your apron and flour stained face, your understanding look. He could read in your eyes the serenity of this moment and despite he was frustrated by the joke he couldn’t unravel he felt the same serenity as you did on this sunny morning, while the vanilla smell of the cake and the roaring laughter of your little girl from the bedroom filled the apartment. “Would you help me?”

A giggle slipped out of your lips as you wiped your hands on your apron. “Of course I would, you silly.” Joker smiled and put the pen on the table to hold the book with both hands while reciting the joke, but before he could even finish the sentence you were both interrupted by your little girl who had swooped into the living room trotting joyfully. “Who’s ready for cake?” she mumbled with a high-pitched voice and hopping for the too much enthusiasm which wouldn’t let her stand still, not even for a second.

“We’re all ready, aren’t we, mummy?“ he teased you by looking at you with a playful expression and his face wrapped in a smirk. You answered by turning to your little girl ignoring his playful look, but smiling at yourself and making sure Joker would have noticed it. “Of course we’re honey, but the cake isn’t ready yet.” Your little girl frowned for a few minutes enough to decide if this answer would suit her or not. She frowned in the same way as Joker did and a smile spontaneously appeared on your face. After a few minutes his thoughtful expression vanished, her forehead stretched out and she returned to have her face lit with happiness. “It’s fine. Wanna keep playing!”

He trotted to Joker, grabbing a flap of his sleeve in her tiny hand and waving it impatiently. “Daddy wanna play with me?” Joker smiled, stroked her back gently and before he could answer you turned to her. “Maybe later honey, dad is busy right now. I can play with you after I bake the cake in a few minutes.” Your little girl pouted and moved her head frenetically from both sides. “No, I want daddy!” She gave Joker a sulky, sad look waiting for an answer from him, hoping that he wouldn’t say the same thing by supporting your words and that he didn’t really have to work. Joker took one of the strands of her long brown hair held in two pigtails on both sides of her head and twisted it around the index finger, just as he was doing a little earlier with his own green hair in an enchanted expression.

“It’s okay, Y/N.” He said looking at you with a sympathetic gaze, then he turned to your little girl, an accomplice smile had framed his face as soon as their eyes met. “I would love to play with you, sweetie pie.” He laid the book on the table that he still held in his other hand while your little girl was jumping for happiness around him. “Yay! Yayy! I play with dad!” Shortly after she held his hand, it was so small compared to Joker’s big, strong one that it was completely hidden by his palm when he put his hand around her soft, plump one.

No matter how busy he was, he would never deny her to play together.

She suddenly became impatient to play with him and wanted to go straight to the bedroom where were kept all her toys. “Come on, let’s go!” With her short arm she pulled Joker’s one holding it by her hand and he let himself be dragged without resistance, but before they could disappear from your sight Joker looked at you amused shrugging, you smiled eloquently moving your head from side to side. “Look at these two…” You murmured to yourself smiling as you went back to handling the cake, knowing perfectly well that you could never sneak into them.

Joker had a special connection with your little girl that you never could build with her. She loved you both equally, but your little thing had a special bond with Joker and it was impossible not notice how much she doted on him. There was something when they were holding hands, when they were looking at each other and talking to each other that was impossible to explain in words. An accomplice born by itself without either of them went to look for it or tried to build, it existed by itself as an entity to which neither of them had ever managed to resist. You never had such a bond with her and you didn’t even try to have it, because the smile she had every time she stood beside him, which reminded so much his, and the loving look Joker had every time he looked at her, filled your heart with happiness and you were just grateful to be able to witness in the front row this particular bond that only the two of them had.

She was still dragging Joker to the bedroom where all his toys were kept in a large bench, a playful smile dressed Joker’s face while your little girl was more and more impatient and happy to play with him and only with a lot of self-control managed to stop jumping.

She stopped at the corner of the room, right next to the makeup dressing table that once belonged to Penny, where there was a small white metal children’s table set with a pink tablecloth hand embroidered by yourself some time ago and surrounded by four chairs.

“Would you like some tea daddy?” She looked at the tiny table on which a tea service was laid, then looked at Joker, another time at the small table and shortly afterwards looked once again at Joker with a hopeful expression and crossed her fingers in front of her face hoping that he would say yes, sure that he couldn’t notice her fingers crossed; Joker let a laugh slip from his lips at the sight of such naivety. “Of course I’d like to, sweetie pie!” A toothless smile lay on her lips and pointed out the empty chairs. “Where would you like to sit?”

Her attitude had completely changed; she had straightened her back, raised her chin upwards, the movements were more accurate and quiet; even the tone of her voice was no longer ringing as it had been until now but was calm and contained, while she was pretending to be a waitress who had to serve an important client who deserved only the best of the best; she had to fulfill his every wish, spoil him and treat him well. “Why don’t you choose for me? Where would you like me to sit?” She moved her head from both sides, moving her ponytails back and forth, making them bang on her squishy cheeks. “No, dad! The rule is you’re the guest, you have to choose!”

She laugh teasing him because he didn’t know the rules of the game and Joker smiled as he staring the chairs for a few seconds simulating an undecided expression. On a chair there was the green teddy bear gotten during one evening of the last summer, when you had gone to the amusement park. Joker had won at a points game and let her decide which teddy bear to take, she had chosen this teddy bear only because it had the same green color as her dad’s hair; right in the front chair was sitting the doll you gave her to cheer her up when months ago she had a flu which lasted more than a week and just didn’t want to leave and the other two chairs were empty. “I think I’m gonna sit next to Clowny”.

“Clowny! I was hoping you’d sit there because he’s green like you.” Joker giggled knowing and sat down right in the chair closest to the teddy bear; the chairs were for children and very small, and although Joker was a very skinny man he had to bend slightly to be comfortable. Your little girl giggled when she saw him sitting in this funny way, sat down in the last empty chair, took two cups from the tea service and put them in front of both; immediately afterwards she took the teapot and pretended to pour invisible tea into both cups with the same devotion and commitment as Joker did every time he devoted himself to his jokes. She put the tip of his tongue out of his mouth enough to lick his upper lip, a gesture she often made when she was getting involved in something that required her full attention, she had inherited it from you. As he watched her committed to pouring their tea, her tongue coming out as you did and frowning as Joker did, he smiled, seeing you both within her.

The love he felt for this little thing was the strongest feeling he had and would have felt in his whole life. She was literally the real proof that he had truly found the love and happiness he had longed for his whole life, that it had not been a daydream to meet you, that the nights you had made love, with your bodies lighting each other as if one were reflecting the light of the other, just like the sun does with the moon, really had existed, just as had existed the walks while you were holding hands, the first kisses you gave him by taking him by surprise and making him blush, every time you looked for his touch and didn’t think it was possible, and just like every single moment he lived with you which he held in his heart since he met you.

Every happy memory of him involved you, and this was a life for which he believed in the past not to be worthy of living, a life in which he was destined not to be loved. It was hard for him to accept your presence in his life during the first few months of your relationship because he was afraid that you might vanish at any moment. Let alone if he ever thought that in his life he would love another person as much as he loved you, and that you would both love him in the same deep, visceral, boundless way.

When your little girl poured tea into both of their cups she put the teapot gently in its place so as not to spoil it. She treated it with care as a precious gift, and indeed it was so. You couldn’t afford this tea service, but despite that, Joker was determined to give it to her. He saw it in a storefront across the street a few months before and it made him think of her; it was composed of four cups, each with its own saucer and teaspoon, a teapot and a sugar bowl. The tea service was completely white and covered with small blue flowers of various sizes, just the ones she liked in her favorite blue color. All the teaspoons have blue coloured extremities, on the teapot and the sugar bowl were represented two flowers of larger dimensions than the small flowers on the cups, on the saucers and on the edges there were blue and golden stripes running along the circumference of them.

He’d done everything he could to give it to her at Christmas, he’d saved up money for months and months making a lot of sacrifices, he had quitten smoking to save cigarette money and still every day he made small additional renunciations because he wanted to save as much money as possible and give her the gift he wished to be able to give her so much. The jump for joy she had made after unwrapping the gift were priceless and Joker was so happy to see her happy that you would have sworn that night you had seen his eyes wet with tears which he had held within him with all his strength; tears of joy and love.

“Daddy, you drink tea with sugar.” She asked though it was more a observation than a question, since remembering very well that he liked the sweetened tea she had already grabbed the teaspoon with her little tiny hand. “That’s true little thing, I like sweet tea and I’d like to some sugar.” Joker sat composed and let himself be served, your little girl smiled satisfied and took the sugar bowl of the same tea service, “how much?” She looked him in the eyes curious and impatient of an answer, biting her lip nervously, as if even putting sugar in his tea was an action to be performed perfectly, Joker didn’t let her wait any longer.

“Two teaspoons, thank you!” She glowed and proudly pretended to put two teaspoons of sugar in the cup, immediately after she put the same amount of sugar in her own and sitting more comfortably on the chair she took the cup with her left hand and raised her little finger like a upper-class woman, Joker imitated her and both drank a sip of tea looking into each other’s eyes. Your little girl had bright eyes of a heated happiness, the same green color of Joker’s eyes had extended in hers and Joker, looking into her eyes so much like his, could see himself inside her.

She was the most beautiful part of him. Thanks to her Joker was learning to love himself because into her he read all the beautiful things he had taught her, she was the confirmation that inside of him something good had always been and kept being there even after having made himself called Joker. Sometimes the weight his name carried frightened him but this fear instead of blocking him made him love her even more, to take care of her like no one had ever done with him. In the past his fear would have stopped him, but your little girl gave him the courage to turn over a new leaf and move on, look forward to a future that would only be of love and warmth.

She was the most beautiful part of him and she was the only one through whom he could see himself and recognize that he existed within her but also on his own. Your little girl taught him to love himself in the most spontaneous, light and carefree way he’ve ever felt.

“This tea is delicious, my sweetie pie. You are the best cook.” Your little girl made a joyfull jump on the chair, making it move slightly. “What about mummy?” A toothless smile framed her face as Joker leaned slightly forward. “Mummy doesn’t cook as well as you, but don’t tell her.” He whispered to her and your little girl curled her nose in a knowing and happy smiling face, rose hastily from the chair and approached him putting her little hand on the back of his own. “Our little secret!” She murmured in his ear, imitating him by talking with a whisper of a voice. Joker smiled and popped a kiss on her cheek and while he was wrapping her little body around his right arm she swooped on him and hugged him putting her arms around his neck. Her face buried in his green hair tickled him, Joker squeezed her hard but gently enjoying the hug with his little thing who was the extension of his soul and who at this time smelled of raspberries and talcum powder.

“Daddy?” She babbled with her face still buried in his hair, feeling safe between the arms and the scent of her daddy, tightening his neck with such energy that she let him believe she would hardly melt from this embrace if not for a valid reason. “Yes, sweetie pie?” She moved away from him slightly enough to look him in the eye, but her body was still in the Joker’s arms.

“I love you very much dad” she caressed softly his green strands which rabbed his cheeks, “and also your green hair”. Joker had a watery look because, once again, the evidence of love your little girl gave him every day allowed him to see himself in a different light. A warmer and brighter light.

She loved him so much and therefore everything was not lost, there was still hope for him and he had not lived for nothing, for the very reason that he had managed to love and to be loved in his life, and the best part of him would have kept to exist through her memories and, perhaps, people would have forgiven him. Despite the emotional and grateful expression he tried to muffle, he giggled. Not a single day had passed in which your little girl did not tell him that she loved his green hair, actually several times she also asked you both the permission to dyed her own because “I want to be like dad”.

“I love you too. Very, very much.” Joker approached his face to give her an eskimo kiss and she chuckled. “You’re tickling me!” Then they giggled together and shortly after her face suddenly became clouded while a thought was taking place on her mind without warning. “Dad! We have no cookies for tea.” A worried expression replaced the funny one of just before, she had worked so hard to give him everything that she had forgotten one of the most essential things, tea cookies. Joker rubbed her back tightly with the hand with which he was still holding her to calm her down. “It’s okay, little thin-” she interrupted him, talking shortly after.

“It’s not okay, I want to get it right.” Joker comforted her further, smiling at himself in recognizing his own words in hers, to make her understand that everything was perfect as it was; shortly after the worry disappeared from her face so suddenly that Joker wondered if there had ever been. She smiled showing all his teeth in a toothless smile and jumped proudly. “I got an idea!” She ran out of the room full of adrenaline with the surprised look of Joker staring at her and shortly afterwards returned with a couple of candies in her hands and approaching Joker put them in his.

“We can eat these instead of cookies” she said, proud of the brilliant idea that had came to her. “Perfect, I love candies.” Joker unwrapped one candy for her and laid it in front of her face. “Open your mouth!” Your little girl waved her hands joyfully and opening her mouth grabbed the candy with her teeth, shortly after he unwrapped the other one and ate it too. As she chewed, she approached her little index finger on his face and traced the colored lines of make-up Joker had painted on his face the day before and which, somehow, still were visible even if a little bit faded and smudged. She began to speak with her mouth full, her look was clever and special understanding while she was tracing also the blue triangles.

“Can you paint me like that, later?” An amused smirk landed on Joker’s lips, he should have imagined this question from the way she had weighed her look on his make up while she was tracing it with her tiny index finger. Your little girl liked to paint and most of all loved it when Joker painted her face in his own way, and every time she asked him in such a pleading tone that it was impossible to say no, even for Joker. Actually, even though Joker had never said it out loud, every time they painted Joker’s make-up to one another, he probably had more fun than her.

“Of course, but first we have to eat and do our homework, little thing.” She nodded in an understanding expression as a good compromise and hugged him again tightly, it was her way of thanking him when she couldn’t do it with words. Then she surprised him laying her hand on his head and caressing his green hair in a comforting way, Joker smiled at the simplicity of this gesture. Your little girl reassured him all the time without even knowing it, she just did it because she felt it, she felt him. 

You came into the room shortly after, they were still wrapped in this hug and a smile spontaneously created itself on your face; you laid your shoulder on the door and stared at them for a few seconds before interrupting their game and, above all, their hug. “Hey you two, cake is ready”, you said a few minutes later, your little girl pulled away from the hug and moved her arm energetically towards you. “Mummy, come here! Hug! I wanna a big hug!” She didn’t have to tell you twice because you approached them literally a second later with your arms already opened.

All three of you were hugging, interconnected so strongly, tightly, that it would have been impossible to untie you three. The cake had just been baked and had flooded all the rooms with its aroma, the sun was still radiating his light into the apartment. Joker was wrapped in your warmth and buried between your bodies, which were equally buried in the same way, a tear had fallen down his face like a secret he could no longer hide, drawing a blue painted tear along his left cheek.

He had never thought that after all the hatred and carelessness he had felt on his skin, after all the evil and sins he had committed, he could live an ethereal thing like having a family, an apartment to share with two souls who completed himself and full of love, an apartment which at that time smelled of cake, vanilla and… home.

[remiwarner]

   ❝𝕴𝖙 𝖇𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖘 𝖆 𝖍𝖔𝖑𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖌𝖍 𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞𝖔𝖓𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖋𝖊𝖊𝖑𝖘 𝖎𝖙.❞

                    – – a Remi Warner playlist.

1. “Snufs” Kaveh, OnklP   /  (TRANSLATED)

Long fingernails, on some pimp shit Out to find a fucking nightclub to paint white Tony Montana, don’t think he accepts credit But he’ll happily give you your first hit Yo, come and get a (bump of cocaine)

And she asked me if I was keen on something And the line to the bathroom was fucking long cause all the boys were on some

2. “Day ‘N Nite” Kid Cudi

Slow mo When the tempo slows up and creates that new, new He seems alive though he is feeling blue The sun is shining, man, he’s super cool, cool The lonely nights they fade away He slips into his white Nikes He smokes a clip and then he’s on the way To free his mind in search of

Day and night, the lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night He’s all alone and through the day and night The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night At, at, at night

3. “Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked” Cage The Elephant

Oh, there ain’t no rest for the wicked Money don’t grow on trees I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed And ain’t nothing in this world for free Oh, no, I can’t slow down, I can’t hold back Though you know I wish I could Oh, no, there ain’t no rest for the wicked Until we close our eyes for good

4. “Cold Wolves” The Gromble

‘Cause there weren’t many times that we shared a bed In the presence of strangers, you’d be sharing with them Needed protection and kept me around But I would always let you down Oh, I can always let you down

Machines keep on working I want to believe But tries are to no avail Some of us were born to fail

5. “Let It Bleed” The Used

This poison’s my intoxication I broke the needle off in my skin Picked the scabs and picked the bleeding And assumed that it was all in vain Pulled at a scab that’s never healing Callused, hit me in the face A burning bridge that’s so misleading Poison’s more potent now with the flame

Let it bleed, take the red for what it’s worth Watch the fire Fill your lungs with smoke for the last time If you feel like dying, you might wanna say

The fire department couldn’t drown the city They didn’t even try to wash it clean And what did you think – that I was sober? Put me out ‘cause I’m on fucking fire I pulled at a scab that’s never healing Regret that I kept this clean The most that I can do for you is keep on lying

6. “Prescription” Mindless Self Indulgence

I’m the doctor, I’m the patient Don’t forget that; it’s important If you love me, like I love me Everybody will be sorry

Well, I don’t need nothing before the show I don’t need nothing, well, that’s not so I need something before the show Just a little something to make me go You know what I want You know what I want Give me more, give me more Pretty please, a prescription Give me more, give me more Pretty please, a prescription

I don’t need no one screwing up my fun Over the counter, fill that prescription I don’t need no one screwing up my fun Turn down the bass and fill that prescription

Make it stop, make it stop Pretty please, a prescription Make it stop, make it stop Pretty please, a prescription

7. “Overdose” Grandson

I couldn’t find the thrill again I couldn’t seem to kill the pain I was living in the moment Searching for a little serotonin But this shit ain’t so fun now I can’t deal with the comedown I’ve been living on the run, now Oh, I gotta get out of this town somehow

‘Cause the bad’s been slowly getting worse In this fast lane, living, it’s a curse Better tell me, what’s your life worth? I think it’s time for a change ‘cause the drugs don’t work Anymore, anymore, anymore

Overdose, overdose, overdose, overdose, overdose All fun and games ‘till I hit the floor, comatose

8. “Little Lion Man” Mumford & Sons

Weep for yourself, my man, you’ll never be what is in your heart Weep, little lion man, you’re not as brave as you were at the start Rate yourself and rake yourself, take all the courage you have left And waste it on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head

But it was not your fault, but mine And it was your heart on the line I really fucked it up this time, didn’t I, my dear?

9. “Dread In My Heart” Mother Mother

There’s a godawful shitty feeling of dread in my heart Yeah, it’s got a lot to do with having to finish what I start And at any second now I think it all might fall apart ‘Cause there’s a godawful shitty feeling of dread in my heart

There’s a devil in my brain with a pitchfork and a flame Yeah, he likes to poke around and he likes to tell me things And whenever I begin to feel like I might be deranged I remember there’s a little shitty devil in my brain

Oh, I wonder what it’s like to be the type who doesn’t burn Yeah, the kind who fights the good fight Not the kind you’d find fisti-fucking-cuffing in the dirt

10. “Heavy Shit” Blake Rose

They tell me ‘why, this is all part of life, you see’ But the world keeps circling around me No, can’t seem to stop beating so hard on myself Hence all the shit I pour out Still haven’t found what I’m looking for No, all of these people keep closing doors They told me ‘you can’t keep holding all this shit to yourself Go find a way to let it pour out’

So here I am, trying to figure where it all went wrong Feel like a ghost in my own damn home Starting to wonder how I got so numb To this heavy shit I pour out Bottoming bottles in the mirror when I’m on my own Feel like I’m lost in my own damn bones Can someone tell me how I got so numb To this heavy shit I pour out?

11. “Discoloration” Dawn Golden

You took my hand and brought me down in the morning And I was sitting waiting for the telephone to swallow me whole I saw your face reflected on the resonant screen And I watched your mouth moving like a tired machine Trying to plead with me Trying to swallow me whole

It’s been a while since I’ve been gone and away And I watched your eyes reflect me in a terrible way As you cast your gaze to the flickering hall

And you knelt beside me and you started to pray And the whites of your eyes blackened with a hardened decay And you talked to me in a broken voice

‘In your open mouth Silence me in your coursing Blood in my eyes Dress me in your clothes And swallow me whole’

12. “Blue And Yellow” The Used

And it’s all in how you mix the two And it starts just where the light exists It’s a feeling that you cannot miss And it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

And you never would’ve thought in the end How amazing it feels just to live again It’s a feeling that you cannot miss And it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

Well, you’re never gonna find it if you’re looking for it Won’t come your way, yeah Well, you’ll never find it if you’re looking for it

Should’ve done something, but I’ve done it enough By the way your hands were shaking Rather waste some time with you Should’ve said something but I’ve said it enough By the way my words were fading Rather waste some time with you

13. “Past Life” Trevor Daniel

I’m trying to be honest with my happiness Don’t know why I’m bad at this And I don’t wanna settle in my sadness I know it’s a habit of mine

Perfect, perfect timing I start what I don’t know how to end Don’t re– don’t remind me I ruined it before it began

Last night was the last night of my past life Got me here like ‘you can never figure me out’ Last night was the last night, was the last time I’ll never let you figure me out Sitting here, talking to myself Thinking how I used to use you, only thing I’m used to Last night was the last night of my past life

14. “Graceless” The National

Graceless Is there a powder to erase this? Is it dissolvable and tasteless? You can’t imagine how I hate this Graceless

I’m trying, but I’m graceless Don’t have the sunny side to face this I am invisible and weightless You can’t imagine how I hate this Graceless

I’m trying, but I’m going through the glass again Just come and find me God loves everybody, don’t remind me I took the medicine and I went missing Just let me hear your voice, just let me listen

All of my thoughts of you Bullets through rotten fruit Come apart at the seams Now I know what dying means I am not my rosy self Left my roses on my shelves Take the wild ones, they’re my favorites It’s the side effects that save us Grace Put the flowers you find in a vase If you’re dead in the mind it’ll brighten the place Don’t let ‘em die on the vine, it’s a waste Grace

There’s a science to walking through windows There’s a science to walking through windows There’s a science to walking through windows There’s a science to walking through windows without you

15. “End Credits” Eden

Cigarette ash like wildfire, burning holes in the nighttime Open scars cut like barbed wire White lies flying high like a ceasefire Dropping flags on the shoreline This is as far as I can feel right ‘Cause what you don’t know can harm you

And all we ever wanted was sunlight and honesty Highlights to wanna repeat Let’s get away from here and live like the movies do I won’t mind when it’s over At least I didn’t think for a while

So let’s run, make a great escape And I’ll be waiting outside for the getaway It doesn’t matter who we are, we’ll keep running through the dark And all we’ll ever need is another day We can slow down, ‘cause tomorrow is a mile away And live like shooting stars ‘Cause a happy ending’s hardest to fake

16. “Bloody Shirt” To Kill A King

What you wanna do tonight? I got wounds to lick in life All you’ve said Standing like a stick, this tie could invert to be a noose instead

Oh, you’re lying next to me Heart is beating heavily Blood in your hair, though, oh, and blood on your shirt

It’s too late to say you’re sorry, say you’re sorry still And I stepped out with heavy heart to bail you out again All those things you do, and all those things you do

Get out, get gone, this town is only gonna get worse Get out, get gone, this town is only gonna eat you

17. “No One’s Here To Sleep” Naughty Boy, Bastille

Every carpet, every floor, everywhere I look, I fall Climbing up the walls, I’m climbing up the walls What goes on behind these doors I’ll keep mine and you keep yours We all have our secrets, we all have our secrets

Behind every door is a fall, a fall And no one’s here to sleep

You were always faster than me I’ll never catch up with you, with you Oh, I can feel them coming for me

Here’s the pride before the fall Oh, your eyes, they show it all I can see it coming, I can see it coming As I rise up through each floor Shit gets dark when you lose it all I can hear it coming, I can hear the drumming

18. “Shots” Imagine Dragons

Am I out of touch, am I out of my place When I keep saying that I’m looking for an empty space? Oh, I’m wishing you’re here But I’m wishing you’re gone I can’t have you, and I’m only gonna do you wrong

Oh, I’m gonna mess this up Oh, this is just my luck Over and over and over again

I’m sorry for everything, oh, everything I’ve done From the second that I was born, I sense I had a loaded gun And then I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I loved Oh, I shot, shot, shot a hole through every single thing that I loved

Am I out of luck, am I waiting to break When I keep saying that I’m looking for a way to escape? Oh, I’m wishing I had what I’ve taken for granted I can’t have you when I’m only gonna do you wrong

Oh, I’m gonna mess this up Oh, this is just my luck Over and over and over again

19. “Apartment” Young The Giant

After leaving my apartment I feel this cold inside me It howls away all through the market It calls your name

On my way to your apartment I write for fear of silence You carved a boat to sail my shadow Now I walk alone Alright, alright

I hit the sidewalk, and this is how it starts Hide in a raincoat when things are falling apart

After leaving your apartment I hear the coast by nightfall So sure to keep you dreaming You understood Oh, I know you understood Yes, sir, it shows I was no good Alright, alright

I hit the sidewalk, and this is how it starts Hide in a raincoat when things are falling apart ‘Cause sooner or later this is bound to stop Come on, let’s savor What we’re falling over

20. “Munich” Editors

It breaks when you don’t force it It breaks when you don’t try It breaks if you don’t force it It breaks if you don’t try

People are fragile things, you should know by now Be careful what you put them through

People are fragile things, you should know by now You’ll speak when you’re spoken to

With one hand you calmed me With one hand I’m still With one hand you calmed me With one hand I’m still

21. “Tamer Animals” Other Lives

Oh, living for the city And it’s always troubling to keep it in the high lane I don’t care about no scenery And you run from it then Now you can’t escape

‘Cause it’s all you see But we’re all just an end to a simple thing And it’s all you see And it’s all you see

We’re just tamer animals We’re just tamer animals

22. “Silhouette” Jacob Lee

I have tried to quantify the reasons I feel incomplete I guess sometimes my wisdom it figures that’s what I need I have tried to sit beside these demons that trip up my feet I guess sometimes it’s weakness that strengthens the skin on your knees

I’ve not liked myself for quite some time now Standing at the mirror with the lights out Try to keep my shadow at a distance Scared of what it’d say if it could listen

I’ve not known myself for quite some time now Staring at the mirror with the lights out Screaming words that I should probably whisper Terrified the light above might flicker

[moonshinelouis-archive]

fine line analyses

these are thoughts; my thoughts. if you don’t agree please be reasonable and just ignore.

tumblr fucking ate this post so here i am. rewriting it all.

tw: i talk about alcohol, drugs, grief, and death

the album in general uses the extended metaphor of yellow. the colour is mentioned in nearly every song and i’ll explain why or why not later. the yellow is hope, happiness, and all things nice but as all archetypes it has a ‘dark’ side; it means cowardice and/or deceit. it also seems to follow the hero’s journey which is interesting.

side a: love/light vs dark. exposition.

golden begins the album already in sunshine; in happily vibes imo. gold is the ultimate illuminated colour, so to use it is... the next level, especially as the album opener. “take me back to the light / i knew you were way too bright for me” are ideas that come back in lights up. i love the juxtaposition in this song: “hold [the golden (light)], focus, hoping,” and then a couple lines later, “i’m hopeless, broken”; showing that at the same time, he’s hopeful and hopeless. i love that he alludes, in the entire song, that his person is the sun but he never says it outright: “you wait for me in the sky / [your light] browns my skin just right / you’re so golden,” which come back in sunflower. “i know that you’re scared / because hearts get broken / because i’m so open” immediately made me thing of strong. both he and his lover overwhelm each other at times: “you were way too bright for me,” “you’re scared / because i’m so open”; but ultimately this is a song about devotion: “i don’t wanna be alone / loving you’s the antidote.”

watermelon sugar doesn’t have anything outright yellow; however, the entire lyrics are rooted in imagery surrounding summer which inherently involves a sunny, especially when he calls out that it’s “warm,” that there are “berries,” that it’s “the end of June,” so my point stands. this song has already been analysed, i think, so i’m not gonna go too into it; in a nutshell, it’s the sweetest of loves. “tastes like strawberries on a summer evening” calls to we made it’s “remember how it tasted / looking into your eyes,” and the absolutely feral warm image of tasting moments makes me crazy...the tenderness..oh god.. “it sounds just like a song” comes back in many other tracks; in sunflower, “plant new seeds in the melody” -- try to find new beginnings in the music -- and also “want you more than a melody.” harry says this one was “the hardest one to finish” which could suggest ongoing events.

adore you has yellow in “honey” and “lemon” and hidden in “summer skies” and “brown skin.” thematically, this song is the same as watermelon sugar; devotion. “walk in your rainbow paradise” -- a rainbow is renewal, promise; a gateway, the calm after the storm. to be with his lover is to walk in paradise, away from all evil. though their lack of communication plagues them, it can sometimes be how they find their peace: “you don’t have to say you love me / nothing / [that] you’re mine.” “i’d walk through fire for you” reminded me of happily and through the dark. 

lights up, too, has already been discussed at length; “what do you mean? / i’m sorry by the way / i’m never coming back down / can’t you see / i could but it wouldn't stay?” will speak volumes to anyone who’s been closeted, even if nothing extreme. “i’m never coming around / it’d be so sweet / if things just stayed the same” would be the melancholy and fear of watching those you love slip away because of something you can’t change; and, even if it doesn’t, there will always be the little things that change, like how you’re perceived. “all the lights couldn’t put out the dark / running through my heart” is one of my favourite lines; it speaks of the things within himself he’d rather hide, and yet, all the pride he’s told to have does nothing to erase his bitterness towards the feeling -- internalised homophobia/transphobia. however -- “step into the light / so bright sometimes / i’m not ever coming back” -- as overwhelming, as scary, as engulfing as it all may be... it’s much better to be in the light than in the dark; back to golden. the yellow in this song is in the ‘light.’

side b: complete abstinence of yellow. abyss.

cherry presents vibrant red rather than yellow, perhaps to illustrate the glossy jealousy he expresses in this song, and possibly to say he is angry despite sounding defeated. thematically similar to woman. i don’t think this song is dismissible because its aspects all come back: “gallery” is again in sunflower; “don’t call me baby” returns in to be so lonely. “there’s a piece of you in how i dress” reminded me of “painted nails make harry beautiful” :’) also, “your accent” is pretty loud. if anything is to be said about the ending, is that it’s in the “language of love.”

falling is very clearly the death in the hero’s journey; the lowest point from which he could only rebirth. again there are communication issues: “forget what i said / it’s not what i meant”; “we’ve run out of things we can say.” and then there’s rediscovery: “what am i now?” he asks, after having asked the listeners if they know who they are; and his despair seems tied to insecurities -- “what if i’m someone i don’t want around? / what if i’m someone you won’t talk about? / what if you’re someone i just want around?” (notice the flip of pronouns in the last two; switching the blame. harry and louis seem to do that a lot; the blame is passed from one to another in songs. he blames himself in this one, though: “there’s no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands.”) the biggest insecurity lies in the line: “i get the feeling that you’ll never need me again,” in which harry just wants.. to be needed; to be loved and to be in love. overall he’s asking for redemption, whatever of.

to be so lonely is still sad, but obviously a rise; a rebirth. “don’t blame me for falling / i was just a little boy / don’t blame the drunk caller / i wasn’t ready for it all / you can’t blame me, darling / not even a little bit / i was away / and i’m just an arrogant son of a bitch who can’t admit when he’s sorry” -- the opening verse is just all excuses, all flimsy at best; pushing the blame around. “i was just a little boy” had me screaming; “don’t blame the drunk caller” is distancing himself as far away as possible even though....that’s him, drunk-calling; he said so in falling: “there’s no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands.” the last one is not even trying; he just straight up says he’s arrogant.. lol. again he’s rooting onto insecurites: “i just hope you see me / in a little better light” asks his lover not to only see him as the stupid little boy who became a needy and arrogant drunk caller; and again he pleads for mercy with rather nonsensical logic: “do you think it’s easy? / being of the jealous kind?” overall, these three songs together could be interpreted as a breakup, though the romantic songs in the album would support better that there have been really rough patches in their relationship; specifically times in which they were caught in untimely scheduling inconveniences amid fights. but see it how you will.

she is a projection. harry tries out the ‘normal guy’ archetype, giving his character a nine-to-five office job and the predictable (supposedly married) life with kids; he likely did this to try out a different perspective of his feelings and/or to appeal to his audience, who is mostly not made up of millionaires. right away, he’s pretending, with the most basic of things: “[he] sends his assistant for coffee in the afternoon / around 13:32 / like he knows what to do.” as for the whole chorus and “a woman who’s just in his head / and she sleeps in his bed / while he plays pretend” is, to me, the woman inside him who aches to be seen; she represent his struggles with binary genders, both of which are oppressing. “he takes a boat out / imagines just sailing away / and not telling his mates / he wouldn't know what to say” is literally eroda?? and shows communication issues. again.

side c: ascending

sunflower makes the yellow comeback.. loud and in your face. the sunflower is commonly associated with the sun tarot card, which often depicts them with children, who are mentioned... the card stands for clarity and success. this song is thematically like watermelon sugar and adore you, but it just has that stoner vibe you know ? “kids in the kitchen listen to dancehall” triggered “even as young as you are.” again, there are communication issues; “i’ve been trying hard not to talk to you” “let me inside, i wanna get to know you / wish i could get to know you” “i was just tongue-tied / i’m still tongue-tied.” “i’ve got your face / hung up high in the gallery” again shows adoration; with cherry’s “does he take you walking through his parents’ gallery?” it could be interpreted as, are his parents showing you off like i do? a big note about it: “hung up high in the gallery / out of this shade” in the light! this is major.

canyon moon shows yellow in “the world’s happy waiting / doors yellow, broken, blue” -- happy, first of all. the doors are portals that they’ve taken, will take, or could take; some are happy, some deceitful, some sad. i find it very interesting that in she “the man drops his kid off at school” and in this one jenny tells her husband to “go get the kids from school.” “two weeks and i’ll be home” loud loud loud. paris and rome are both romantic cities. “[she -- jenny?] pretends not to know the words” again shows some pretending, perhaps to show that we all pretend about things in life, even mundane activites... just a fun song about being away and missing each other like right now.

treat people with kindness is the only song outside of side b that does not have yellow. i think that is because, though this is a happy song, it’s jus a cover up -- he’s burying his grief in the music and drugs/drinks. “and it’s just another day / and if our friends all pass away / it’s okay.” “feeling good in my skin / i just keep on dancing” shows the other effect of numbing all the insecurities and fears he normally carries. 

side d: settling. the first sign fine line is a track to be paid attention to is that it’s the titular the track. the second push is giving it its own side on the record. 

fine line is another side of she, for which i liked this eloquent explanation. it’s a drastic shift in mood from tpwk to fine line; harry truly shows how vulnerable he is. he’s divided -- “you sunshine, you temptress”; god, when i read/heard that i cried. so beautiful, so appeasing, but it looks like such a distant dream. unachievable. furthermore i think making this song about a relationship, or anyone other than harry and harry’s inner demons is belittling it; belittling his internal struggles to reach the so desired fine line...

[bbbarneswrites]

In which there’s paradisiac islands, outdoor showers and (partial) skinny pool dipping with Bucky.

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Notes: There’s so many visuals that I have for this piece but can’t put up the links for because Tumblr won’t let me. UGH. Anyway, if you want more details (pictures of their bungalow, Bucky and reader’s fashion choices, and general inspo) just hit me with some asks! Here’s some vacation!Bucky concepts. Enjoy!

It’s a very sunny week in mid January that feels much like a dream.

Despite your initial apprehension to step away from work and all the Stark Industries shenanigans for a bit upon Tony’s request (because you’re too stressed for your own good, you can hear him say), you can’t deny this might be just the best decision you’ve made in a while. A very warm and sunny decision that makes your skin tingles in pleasure every time you sigh.

Of all places in the world, you’re in the Maldives with your best company, your man, your Bucky. A little private villa just for the two of you, in a small separate island that can only be reached after a boat ride. A wooden bungalow with huge glass doors, a fluffy king sized bed and a plunge pool with cool water. An external area that tops it all with an outdoor shower and bathtub, full view to the bathroom and its equally pretty glass doors.

And if it doesn’t feel enough, beyond the trees that surround your little temporary home, there’s a beach with crystaline blue waters and fluffy, warm sands that is just perfect for a lazy afternoon nap.

On Monday, you break a green two-piece swimsuit out of your suitcase.

The bikini bottoms sit just right on your hips, ties tickling your waist, and if there’s any sort of insecurity playing inside your mind as you step out of your bungalow in the morning after your arrival, then it’s completely lost over Bucky’s attentive eyes on your frame. Bucky himself looks like a dream too – damp hair brushing his stubbly cheeks and droplets of water trailing through his tummy and down to the waistband of his swim trunks (a striped, multi-colored Prada one that makes you chuckle, because he’s wearing freaking designers in a vacation) as he’s taken a morning sea dive before your breakfast.

It’s the first day so you both explore your surroundings, finding out about the yoga and cooking classes, an all-day spa where you book massages for the next day, something related to fishing trips and a dolphin cruise that has you particularly beaming, and a few other activities that includes dance presentations and music concerts.

Warm and sunny, but even so Bucky keeps one arm around your waist or thrown over your shoulders with your fingers intertwined with his, sweaty skin on display and shorts riding low on his happy trail and salty lips that meet your fruity ones through a smile for more times that you can count.

On Wednesday, Bucky completely forgoes his swimming apparel.

The wake up call is around nine in the morning and it takes all of your willpower to get up from the comfortable, fluffly mattress, especially after the late night activities Bucky engaged on with you after a fancy private dinner during the sunset. Your bare skin feels just heavenly against the fresh white sheets but the water noise running outside the bungalow wins your curiosity and it doesn’t take long until you’re buttoning up your linen dress over your naked body to investigate whatever your boyfriend is doing outside.

It isn’t a surprise to see Bucky showering outside because that’s what you’ve been doing as well since there’s an outdoor head that feels perfect for the island’s warm weather. But it is a surprise to see him doing so completely naked, hands treading through his hair as the water falls down his back, just completely free and careless to the world like he’s never been before.

Little hums and whistles come out of his mouth and he only stops when he hears your steps upon the wooden floor, because through the relaxation, he’s still a super soldier with heightened senses. And in that moment, if Bucky’s taking advantage of the villa’s private setting to shower butt naked, he might as well enjoy it with you. It only takes a step and a pull for you to be standing under the shower too, his arms tight around your waist as you whine in mocked displeasure, water soaking your pale yellow dress as Bucky trails down kisses through your neck and collarbones.

That day also happens to be the day where you both decide to soak in the sun after lunch, because the beach in front of your bungalow is empty and there’s no prying eyes, so Bucky gets to kiss you all over, lips lingering on the spots where you managed to get tan lines, fingers undoing the ties of your bikini with no care in the world.

On Friday, the local activities seem like the perfect choice.

The spa is fairly empty, feeling like a safe choice for Bucky since he’s got his skin a little sunburnt in a pink-ish shade that makes you giggly because he just looks soft and all around cute. His groans and your sighs mix with one another as the massagists do their magic on your backs, with sweet smelling slippery oils and warm rocks that almost makes you fall asleep. By the time the session ends, both of you are just pliant on the table and it takes a while until you leave, with Bucky showering the massagists with compliments and charming thank you’s that make them blush at some point.

Before lunch, Bucky caves in to your wish and takes you to the dolphin cruise. Within less than an hour, you’re both sitting on the bow of a boat with dolphins jumping in and out of the sea around and though the activity was mostly encouraged by you throughout the week, Bucky completely beams every time a dolphin jumps out too close – so much that he doesn’t even care that you’re snapping picture after picture, some of them coming out perfect with the sun’s lightning, his smile and the animals’ shenanigans as a background.

Sitting in the restaurant after a mid afternoon meal, there’s scrolling over your camera rolls (countless cheesy couple pictures), thumbing through your polaroids (some risqué pictures for private eyes only) and fumbling with your disposable cameras (all artsy pictures to be only seen back home).  

After the sunset, there’s a music concert matched with a dance presentation to showcase the islands’ culture and it’s just pure fun. To match the pictures, now there’s a few videos of Bucky jamming out to the songs and being roped into dancing with one of the dancers, though he does it poorly despite his usual excellent skills and you fail to mask your laughter behind the camera, even after he pulls you up to dance with him instead. The video comes out blurry but all the sweet, pineapple tasting kisses he gives you during are all worth it.

On Sunday, both of you just want to stay in a bubble.

The week is ending, just like the trip, and the bungalow’s private pool just calls out. Bucky dips in a while after breakfast and while you lay down in a chair nearby with a book, you can barely process a paragraph of it, since Bucky is hunched over the pool’s edge, arms crossed over it as he stares every single inch of your body.

It’s funny how he doesn’t even need to say anything for you to know what he wants, and his incessant stare doesn’t even makes you feel uncomfortable or even sheepish as it used to back when you first met.

Book forgotten on the chair and teasing steps to the pool, you sit on its edge with Bucky, his body between your legs as he wraps an arm around your waist and scoots you closer until your own arms are wrapping up his neck. Fingers treading through his wet hair, he kisses you just so deeply that your legs wrap up his torso instantly, his own fingers making its way up to your back until he plays with the ties of your top to finally pull them off. Bikini forgotten on the floor, Bucky finally pulls you down to the water with him and your surprised squeak is swallowed by his mouth.

Track of time is totally lost from that moment and on – from breakfast to a little while after lunch time, there’s just you and Bucky in the world. You cling to his body, arms and legs wrapped all around, and he’s all too happy to indulge you, only ever stopping to mess around and dip you down until you’re holding him ever tighter.

Through a plate of fruit or two during the late afternoon, and a moment or two where Bucky’s managed to get his head between your thighs out in the pool chairs, night falls down and it’s the most chill you’ve had since your first day, both of you cuddled up on the fluffy bed with little clothing as you watch Interstellar for the 10th time on the bungalow’s tablet, a bittersweet feeling settling in your hearts because you don’t wanna leave but also can’t exactly stay.

On Tuesday, reality and general life is back again.

Only this time, your shared apartment feels brighter with all the little colorful souvenirs, the fridge’s door is covered in beautifully taken disposable pictures, and your skins are just shining, various shades of pink and red slowly turning into a reminder that might last a few more weeks – the perfect amount of time until both of you are planning next year’s trip again.

[popatochisssp]

Make Your Mark, 4/10

Series: Undertale, Underswap Relationship(s): US!Papyrus/Reader, US!Alphys/US!Undyne Chapter Warnings: none

AO3 Link

In a world where soulmates exist, monsters and humans have one thing in common: the first time two soulmates touch, a mark randomly appears somewhere–anywhere– on their bodies to represent their match.

It still doesn’t make relationships easier…but maybe it does make them a little more interesting!

“YOU HAVEN’T SHOWN HIM?!”

You wince at the nearly ear-splitting demand and hastily shush your friend.

“Undyne,” you nervously remind her, “volume…!”

Undyne’s gaping jaw clicks shut, her fins drooping as she looks around and realizes that you’ve attracted some stares from the other café patrons. The scales on her face darken and you watch her physically shrink in embarrassment.

“S………sorry,” she mutters eventually—at a thankfully normal decibel this time.

“It’s fine,” you assure. “And no, I haven’t. Yet.”

“Well…you’re gonna, right?”

“That’s usually what ‘yet’ means.”

“Don’t get sassy, human,” Undyne shoots back and…well, she has a point.

You keep your mouth shut.

“Okay, but like…why not?” she wonders. “You already know it’s mutual.”

Also true.

Papyrus—your dearest bonefriend—had been sporting your soulmark for months for everyone and anyone to see…all while you hid yours away beneath your clothes.

“I mean…he’s asked about it…right?”

That makes you scoff.

“Of course he hasn’t,” you say. “He’s Papyrus!”

Soft-spoken, gentle, patient to a fault—that was Papyrus, and he hadn’t said a single word about it since it happened.

Undyne grimaces at you. “Ugh… Well…is it…is it bad…?”

“No! It’s not…”

You frown, reconsidering.

Really, you know the reason you’ve been hiding Papyrus’ mark.

You’re worried he’ll take it the wrong way; that he won’t see it the way you see it.

But as much as she’s your friend, Undyne is Papyrus’ best friend, and the last thing you need is for him to hear anything about his own soulmarkfrom somebody who isn’t you.

“Look,” Undyne says, peering at you over the rims of her glasses. “You gotta show him.”

“I know.”

“Soulmarks are an incredible thing! They don’t just happen every day, y’know!”

“I know.”

“It’s…! It’s two passionate hearts beating as one, ambient soul energy reacting so powerfully to its match that it just…! Bursts forth onto their bodies in living color! Calling out to everyone who sees it to say, ‘HEY WORLD, I FOUND MY MATE!’”

You don’t even bother to hiss another ‘volume’ at her.

“I know,” you groan.

Only to pause at the fiery passion in Undyne’s eyes, her raised fist and squared shoulders that make you chuckle, “You look like an anime right now…”

Undyne flushes again, but looks downright grumpy as she settles back down. “Anime’s awesome, don’t be a punk,” she mutters.

“Sorry, ‘dyne.”

You must not sound very sorry, because she growls at you a little.

“Rrgh, listen, though! It’s serious business!” She points to the patch of sunny-yellow scales on her cheek. “Do you know how cool it was when I got my butterfly from Alphy?”

You’ve heard the story—from both of them—at least a hundred times.

Which is plenty for you to know that you’re about to hear it again.

“She was handing me a glass of water…she’s so thoughtful, Hotland sucks and she knows how much I hate it…”

Undyne really looked like an anime now, with sparkly eyes and kissy fish-lips just from thinking about her wife.

“But her claws brushed me, and she went so red! She tried to tell me I had something on my face, but she was so nervous, I couldn’t figure it out through her stutter, stars, she’s so cute… And when I finally got to a mirror, I wasn’t even surprised! Do you know why?”

“Because you’re big gay for that lizard.”

“Because I’m—hey! Who’s telling the story here?!” she demands.

You shrug and let her continue.

“But it wasn’t just that, alright! I wasn’t surprised because Alphys…she’s my butterfly! She’s all tough on the outside, but if you give her time to open up, she’s so! Pretty! And dainty! And cute! Fuck, she’s cute, I love her!”

Undyne was hardly one to talk with how adorable her gushing was.

Until suddenly, she goes serious again, looking at you sternly. “I knew what she was already. I didn’t know who I was until I saw my mark on her.”

You remembered—the mossy green compass across the back of Alphys’ hand.

“I found out that the way she thought about me was… She looks to me when she’s lost, even though she’s so strong on her own, already. She’s my butterfly…but I’m her compass and that’s so… It was wild, seeing that for the first time. It was so cool, I never felt so special in my life!”

The sheer romance of it all makes you want to sigh…but you know where Undyne is going with this now.

“Papyrus deserves to get that from you,” she says, in a tone brooking no argument. “You know that, don’t you?”

You sag in your chair. “Yeah…”

You must look pretty dejected, because Undyne reaches over the table, grabbing at your wrist in a very awkward gesture of what you assume is meant to be comfort.

“Hey…whatever his mark is…do you see it and think of him?” she asks. “Do you look at it and know that it’s just…him? And everything he is to you?”

Stars above, you do.

“Big time,” you say.

Undyne seems satisfied. “Then just…make sure he gets it! When you show him. And you’ll be fine…okay?”

You huff…but you really don’t have any other option here.

She’s right: Papyrus deserves to see it.

“Okay.”

-

It’s a lazy summer day—Papyrus’ favorite kind of day—and he’s lounging peacefully in his favorite hammock with his favorite human.

Between the gentle sun and the warm weight of your body snuggled right up against his, he figures he’s been dozing in and out for at least an hour with no responsibilities, no interruptions, just the two of you swaying idly in the breeze.

perfect…

It’s not until he feels you squirming a little that Papyrus even bothers to open his eye-sockets.

He thinks, at first, that maybe you need to go to the bathroom or something, but when he looks, he realizes instantly that isn’t it.

You seem tranquil enough…except your shoulders are tense, the way they only are when you’re in deep thought about something that upsets you, and your gaze is directed straight down—locked onto his soulmark.

Papyrus spares a second to admire it himself. The fluffy cloud curling whimsically around his tibia is one of his favorite things to look at, and as often as he just throws on his cleanest pair of cargo shorts, he gets to ogle it plenty.

Sans told him once that it’s the same color as your soul and Papyrus has no idea how his brother would know that without having pulled you into an encounter… but that’s impossible.

Sans is the biggest pacifist Papyrus has ever seen and he’s always seemed to know a lot of stuff it didn’t make much sense for him to know.

That was just Sans and Papyrus was used to it by now.

Besides, it seemed like a reasonable fact to him: he loves the color floating over his bones like a fanciful dream and if it’s yours, that seems perfectly logical.

You, though…

You don’t seem quite as thrilled with it as he is.

Papyrus follows his instincts and takes a wild guess.

“hey. you know you don’t have to show me, right?”

You freeze and he knows he hit the nail on the head.

“How…?”

He chuckles. “didn’t read your mind,” he promises. “just saw you lookin’. you don’t have to show me if you don’t wanna.”

You squirm against his side a little more.

“I feel…bad,” you admit, a little petulantly. “You show yours off all the time…”

“nyeheheh, that’s not showin’ off, hon,” he says, nuzzling the top of your head. “i just hate long pants. gettin’ to look at your mark’s a perk, not the intention. last thing i wanna do is pressure you. you know that, yeah?”

“Mmm…yeah. I guess.”

“good.”

Considering the matter duly settled, Papyrus wraps his arm around you and tugs you just a little further onto him. Your cheek settles nicely against his chest and his fingers curl around your hip, fitting like they belong there, and he’s not sure he’s ever felt more comfortable in his life.

Actually, he’s almost asleep again by the time you speak up.

“…You’re touching it.”

And hell, that has a way of waking a skeleton up.

Unbidden, his gaze angles toward his own hand, wrapped around your hip. He squeezes you once, and can’t deny the sudden surge of curiosity he feels.

“here…?”

You don’t say anything else, but you nod, just once.

Papyrus starts to stroke at you with his thumb, staring hard. If he had a heart, he thinks it might be starting to beat out of his chest by now because as content as he was—is—to wait…

There really is something exciting about your soulmark; the thrill of knowing exactly the spot he’d marked his mate and wondering if…

If this was your way of telling him you were ready for him to see it.

He can’t possibly look until he’s sure.

Slowly, Papyrus lets his phalanges slip beneath the hem of your shirt, resisting the urge to push it aside.

He says your name with just as much care, making absolutely certain you’re listening.

“do you want me to…?”

You take a deep breath………but you nod again.

And Papyrus tugs up the fabric and gets his first look at your soulmark.

It’s…bigger…than he thought it’d be.

Sat there on your bare hip is a thick, heavy-looking anchor, solid steel with sharp prongs and a weighty chain.

…Papyrus isn’t sure what to make of it.

He laughs a little, probably very awkwardly.

“well. i, uh…i’m not…draggin’ you down…am i?”

He jumps when your grip around him tightens almost aggressively.

“No,” you say forcefully. “Never.”

Papyrus’ soul melts a little when you nuzzle his chest. It always melts, no matter how many times you do that.

You seem to take a moment to sort out your words, and when you do…

“You’re…steady. You keep me from…floating away. Getting lost.”

It’s not exactly poetry…

But it reminds Papyrus of some.

“‘the guide, the guardian of my heart, and soul of all my moral being.’”

He can feel your wide-eyed stare turn to him, lit up with delighted agreement.

“Yeah!” you exclaim. “It’s like that!”

Papyrus…might be blushing, just a little.

“can’t…can’t take credit for that,” he admits with a cough. “s’wordsworth.”

You keep looking at him, blankly, and the color on his cheekbones feels like it must be darkening.

“tintern abbey,” he clarifies. “er, well. it’s…actually, the full thing is, ‘lines composed a few miles above tintern abbey, on revisiting the—’”

The sound of your laughter is like instant relief.

“Oh my god,” you snicker at him, “you’re such a nerd. You make me wanna…stuff you in a locker or, give you a wedgie!”

Despite himself, Papyrus laughs, too.

“give it your best shot, hon,” he dares you. “too big for lockers since i was twelve and not wearin’ any underwear today.”

“………you’re kidding.”

“nyeheheh, wouldn’t you like to know…?”

“Papyrus, you can’t just say that and—hey, don’t go back to sleep!”

Papyrus gives you a blatantly fake snore and lets the airy sound of your laughter lift him up.

He knows now that the two of you aren’t about to drift too far.

UT!Sans | UT!Papyrus | US!Sans | UF!Sans | UF!Papyrus | SF!Sans | SF!Papyrus | HT!Sans | HT!Papyrus

[queen-of-nerds1026]

Bath Time with Asra

Fandom: The Arcana

Characters: Asra the Magician x Fan Apprentice

Apprentice: Merlin, she/her, female

Timeline: Bath scene after returning from Muriel’s hut

Route: Asra

Rating: Lemon/ Grapefruit (Citrus scale)

Word count: 2442

Disclaimer: I’m really bad at smutty stories! But I tried! And this is for @bbyoongss who wanted to read it!

"It'd be nicer if you took the robe off."

Asra's face flushed, changing his golden cheeks into a deep, blushing red. He was about to step into the bath with Merlin, courtesy of Countess Nadia, when she said it. Typically, he would've bathed naked, but being at the Palace for the first time in years, he didn't want to risk it. However, the magician that peered up at him made that extremely difficult.

No matter, he liked a challenge, especially when it came to teasing his naughty partner. "Oh? Should I now? And... what will I get if I do?"

Merlin was already in the water, leaning up on the baths edge, resting her head on her arms. She lifted one hand and pointed just behind Asra where a light green robe was folded neatly with a stack of towels "Oh, trust me, I think you'll wanna follow my advice."

True enough, Merlin was naked just below the waters surface. Her body was pressed against the tub wall to keep him from peeking, although he did try. His eyes widened and he leaned forward, a devilish smirk rising to lips.

Before he could glance down, Merlin raised her hand "You won't even be allowed in the water. How would it be fair?"

He leaned his head back and let out a laugh of amusement. It made Merlin's heart skip several beats. Skipping beats was no problem, what was, was when her heart started to race. When she looked up and watch Asra undressing fully.

The sash around his midsection came off easily, Merlin found herself staring as he removed it. He gently folded the patterned sash and set it beside Merlin's robe. With this motion, and his back turned, the thin, tan garment slipped off his shoulders then clean off his body.

Even his backside was gorgeous. Merlin knew she was in the presence of Vesuvia's most beautiful man. His sunset golden skin was untouched, not a single flaw carried down his muscled back, down around his hips, and even over that adorable curve of his ass. His shoulders were broad and perked up, while his thighs and calves were tight with muscle.

Asra was not a show off in any sense, but Merlin wouldn't mind this kind of show off.

Once his robe was folded neatly beside hers, he turned to her with that smirk that sent her mind and body reeling. He was perfect, absolutely perfect. His chest was fitted with toned lines that divided his pecks before they moved down to fade at his abs. His stomach was toned and his bellybutton was an innie (Not important, but Merlin adored it). Beneath his bellybutton, closer towards the hipbone, began a thin happy trail of little snow white hairs.

Merlin bit her lip, feeling the blood rush to her cheeks and the all too loud throbbing of her heart in her ears and somewhere below the water. It was not the first time she'd seen him naked, and by God, she prayed it wouldn't be the last, she just thought he was so beautiful, she couldn't control herself.

She was so lost in thought, she didn't realize Asra had moved to join her in the bathwater until he was pulling her into his lap. "Something distracting you~?"

"You." She sighed, leaning forward in his lap, her legs straddling his hips

He was holding her waist, which allowed her an open chance to slide her hands up to his hair, catching some of his fluffy curls around her fingers. "It's hard not to be, you're so-" a heavy sigh heaved from her chest as she pressed her forehead to his "fucking beautiful"

A chuckle vibrated his chest "That's no way for a lady to talk."

"Bite me." She growled

Oh later, he definitely would. Right now, he was distracted by her thin pink lips fitting themselves to his own in a kiss that would not stay innocent forever. Gradually, their kiss opened, allowing hot groans to pass against the others lips and sneaky flicks of their tongues to dart against the others lips. However, that didn't last long either, Asra's tongue slipped past her lips and flicked with hers, mapping out every part of her mouth, as if they hadn't done this before.

Merlin's fists tightened in his hair and gave a gentle tug. Not enough to hurt, but definitely enough to distract him, causing his lips to fall away. Momentarily distracted, Merlin was frozen, studying his face. His jawline was sharp, cutting a clean line from his ear to his chin. His nose was cute and pointed as well. Above that, were those brilliant violet eyes. His irises sparkled like a thousand amethyst gems.

"Aah!"

Merlin jumped in surprise. Asra's hands had moved down, curving down her ass, giving a simultaneously squeeze to both cheeks, causing her to buck forward in his lap. With the distance between them closed, all Asra had to do was simply lean forward to pepper kisses across her throat. Her lip quivered as his bit into that sweet tanned skin. It didn't hurt, it was delectable, feeling his teeth mark her as his.

To be fair, she did ask for this. He nipped and kiss along her collarbone and up her throat, biting and sucking where he wanted. Each time he pulled off, his lips made a popping sound. Each time, he smirked, because her hips began to tremble under the water. Tips of emerald green hair floated on the surface while her head fell back.

"Careful~" He purred into her shoulder, talking about the rocking off her hips and the way the water was splashing around them "You're going to make a mess."

A growl resonated in her chest, reminding her to at least play a little controlling, demanding, and bratty. She tightened her fists in his hair and gave a yank hard enough he hissed. "I'd prefer you make a mess of something else."

Asra didn't need anything more than that. He hooked his arms under her legs and stood, lifting Merlin out of the water before he had her pinned against the edge of the tub. He could learn to like palace life, especially when it came to having a bath this big.

Merlin stared up at him, meeting his eyes and for a moment, he swooned. He reached forward and brushed hair from her face, tucking away the green and pink bangs, exposing her whole face. Her eyes reminded him of the sun in the sky; half her irises were a brilliant blue, while the bottom half mixed and turned a bright, sunny yellow. In brushing her hair to the side, he exposed not only her left eye, but the full extent of the claw scars that raked diagonally across her right eye. As much as he worried they hurt her, he thought they added to her beauty and her personality.

"Something distracting you?" Merlin asked, beginning to rise on her elbow, moving to rub her breasts again his chest.

"You," he chuckled, mimicking her tone from earlier. "You're so beautiful, Merlin."

"What a flirt." She hummed, watching his face faintly turn pink again as her breasts rubbed against him. He could feel her nipples hardening against him.

He didn't give her an answer in words, but instead, with his actions. He seized her wrists in one hand and pushed her down onto the baths edge once again, watching her mess of curls fall below her or over the side. She was all open and exposed for him. Just how he liked it.

"Think you can hold still?" He asked softly, leaning down to kiss her chest. "I can find a way to tie you down if I need to."

"Ooh, save that for later." She said in an explosive giggle that popped free of her chest.

He released her wrists and turned his attention to her chest. Each hand took a breast and gave them massaging squeezes. His lips trailed over her heart, pausing there for a moment. Her heartbeat was stronger than a royal flourish of drums, more melodic than any opera singer. He was acutely aware of the way their hearts beat in sync; fast, strong, and full of excitement.

After a moment of just listening, his kisses trailed down to her left breast, allowing his hand to fall away and slide down to her hips. At first, he planted teasing, feathery kisses around her nipples, watching her jolted as it tickled. He finally moved when she snapped "Fucking quit it!"

She was so cute. He fell more and more in love every time she spoke. Her loud personality was fun to tease sometimes. Still, he obeyed her cute demanded and flicked his tongue out across her nipple, satisfied with the tiny whine that escaped her lips and thr blush that blurred with her scars.

It was a feeling stronger than electricity. Down her chest, her nerves crackled with pleasure, falling into submission as Asra's mouth moved. First with his tongue, then with his teeth. Closing around her nipple, he tugged on it, released, then tugged again. Each one making her whine louder and louder, until the pink bud turned a deep red.

That alone had her panting and blushing, bringing one hand up to cover her face momentarily while she steeled her nerves. With her eyes closed, she felt Asra pull away from her chest and heard the water shift. His warm hands closed around her thighs and nudged them open; she obeyed with no resistance.

That's when she felt it.

"Aaaaaaaaaaasra!"

He was kneeling in the bathwater again, his face between her thighs. In a teasing flick of his tongue, he brushed right over her clit. Surprised and overwhelmed in heat, she bolted into a mostly upright position, but the magician held firm and did not let go. He licked her again, only this time, using the flat of his tongue, adding more pressure.

Merlin's moan was loud, so loud she brought her hand up to her mouth and bit down to stay quiet. Her free hands snaked back into Asra's curly white locks of hair. He was focused on his job between her legs, until he lost her voice.

"Don't hide that." He whispered, pulling away just enough to leave her longing as his warm breath sent shivers up her spine. "Lay back and let me hear you."

The flush on her face spread to the tips of her ears. "But someone might hear us. Are you sure-"

"I want them to hear." He smirked "Hear how beautiful you sound on the thrones of orgasm. Knowing that I made you feel that."

Half embarrassed, half in the midst of an eyeroll, Merlin laid back. Her legs were moved to drape over Asra's shoulders while he went back to work. While his tongue, and occasionally teeth (oh lord, how she adored that feeling) focused on sending her clit reeling with stimulation. One hand kept a tight hold on her hips, while the other had slipped below to tease her lips and brush her entrance. Each pass made her shiver with anticipation.

"Asra," She gave a tug on his pearl white hair, half moaning, half demanding more.

He couldn't deny her this. His lips closed around her clit as his first finger slipped past her folds and inside her, simply curling up or in a slow thrusting motion.

With each passing second, Merlin's moans got deeper, her legs twitched more and more. Her sensitivity was rising, soaring through the roof. The grip on Asra's hair got tighter and tighter. She couldn't stop. She couldn't control herself, and he knew this. His tongue flicked faster and faster on her clit, while he added a second finger inside her.

She came suddenly, and with a loud whine.

After a few gentle, cleaning licks, Asra stood up, withdrawing his fingers from inside her. Her hands was covering her face as her chest rapidly struggled to intake oxygen. "That was cute. But, this is gonna be even cuter~"

He stepped up to angle himself over her. With one hand, he leaned forward and waited until she dropped her hand, meeting her dazzling eyes. "Merlin, are you okay?"

His teasing attitude vanished for the slightest moment as leaned down to kiss her. It was sweet, but powerful and full of passion. Her arms locked around his neck and gave him a gentle "I'm okay. Fuck me, Asra."

More than convinced by that, he used to free hand to guide his cock to her. At first, he teasingly grinded the tip against her, listening to her growl with need until he finally pushed inside her.

"Fuck!" She moaned, her nails digging into the back of his neck

He paused, breathing heavily, reveling in that tight heat. It was always overwhelming for him to be inside her. She was always so tight and he melted surrounded by her burning heat. Despite the times they'd done this, he always struggled a bit in the beginning.

Something she always teased him for. "What's the matter? The great magician can't control himself?~"

"Merlin," He purred her name "You're so beautiful."

He pulled out ever so slightly, then snapped his hips forward, thrusting into her. Each one had more force and more speed behind it. Each time he slammed inside her, she cried out with a loud moan and occasional shout of his name. Each thrust jostled her curls, spilling more and more over the tubs edge.

This certainly take long to get them both riled up and threatening to fall over the edge of bliss. Her arms locked around him, yanking him back to meet her lips in a messy, feverish kiss. His hips were bucking harder and harder, colliding with hers and slamming into that little button inside her.

As her lips fell away, his slid down her neck. Her orgasm was fast, causing her muscles to stiffen and sending her back arching "Asraaaaaaaaaa!"

He followed suit not a moment later, his orgasm milked out him by her tightening around his dick. His face was buried in her neck when he spilled inside her, but she could hear his moans ring out, clearer than a bell.

They laid there together, not speaking, only breathing. Her hands around his neck relaxed, falling away to trace gentle lines into his back with her fingertips. He sighed blissfully, entranced by that gentle touch.

He finally pushed himself up at look at her face. "I suppose we should actually get clean now. Want me to wash your hair?"

She smirked at him "Only if I get to wash your chest."

[cortexifansquint]

                        matching pairings & annotations under the cut!

                                             Youtube (x) Spotify ( x)

Buffy / Cordelia / Willow

*  Cloud 69 // Lowell

I'm like dynamite / need a cheerleader / let me throw you down / while I look at her / I'm like "Oh my god / I think I need a girlfriend"

*  Crazy // Au Revoir Simone

you knew me, wanna love to lose and to lose again / seems we're either giving up or giving in / but, uh, you girls, you drive me crazy

Willow / Tara

* There’s a Girl // The Ditty Bops

there's a girl that you might know / she's a friend at least I tell you so / but it might surprise you to find / there's something going on behind the door

* Horizon // Luna Blake 

you tower over me / you are sky and I am sea 

* Truthfully // Lisa Loeb

truthfully, I really can't explain / I'm floating, I'm smiling again 

* Room // Palehound 

she comes over / growing like a clover / in my room / in my room

* Sugar in a Pie //  Erin McKeown

love me sweet like a sugar in a pie / kiss me deep with a dreamy little sigh

Faith / Buffy

* Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover // Sophie B. Hawkins 

that old dog has chained you up, alright / give you everything you need to live inside a twisted cage / sleep beside an empty rage / I had a dream I was your hero

* Hologram // Katie Herzig

I'm gonna let you down / gonna toss you around / gonna make you want everything you haven't found / I'm gonna hold your hand / then ask you to stand / ten feet away

* Buy her Candy

she's a famous / she's the best / I cannot lay / my heart to rest / she is selfish / she is kind / no one can say / she is mine

* Nights with you // MO

I'll take you out tonight / leave it all at home / don't care about your boyfriend waking up alone

* Portions for Foxes// Rilo Kiley

'cause you're just damage control, for a walking corpse like me, like you (S6 Fuffy edition)

* Last 2nd Chance // Vaughan Penn 

this is the last second chance I’ll ever need / this is the last time you’ll hear sorry from me

Buffy / Cordelia-

* More like you // Hazel English

I could waste all of my time / thinking up ways to catch your eye / and I tried but it just didn’t feel right / and besides I'm just trying to get by

* She // Dodie 

and I'll be okay admiring from afar / cause even when she's next to me / we could not be more far apart  (late S1 - mid S2 coffy, either pov)

* Can’t / Naaz 

in my mind / I can be what we choose / but in life / we can't stand in those shoes

* Midway // Bad Bad Hats 

the shadows you were casting nearly swallowed the night /  but god, I could have kissed you (I imagine this as the night Cordelia drops Buffy home in Helpless or sometime in mid-late S3)

* Touch //  Shura 

I wanna touch you but I'm too late / I wanna touch you but there's history / I can't believe that it's been three years / now when I see you, it's so bittersweet  (if either had showed up in L.A or Sunnydale after Buffy was resurrected)

Tara / Buffy

* If I Could // Sophie Zelmani 

If I could help you with /  this part of life you've got to live /  you could load your weight on me

* Our Eyes // Lucy Rose 

I'm alive / I feel it now / I never knew I'll find it on you / out of line we got ourselves / in a look, wait we are not fine / wait, you are not mine 

* Wire // Alessi Ark 

I'm tired of walking this wire / it keeps me awake for heaven sake / I was made for this girl / I feel lonely / my friends don't seem to know me / like i thought they did

Willow / Cordelia

* Upper West Side // King Princess

I can't stop judging every thing you do / but I can't get enough of you

* Then If I’m Weird I Want to Share // Tender Forever

people told me / that you're too sexy / you're too sexy for me / but actually I just don't care / I think it's bullshit everywhere

Buffy / Willow

* Loners // Maddie Ross

one night alone in the bookstacks / summer to make all the kids sad / next fall we're back in the corner / nice girls love kissing the loners

* Ray of Sunshine // Go Sailor 

yellow hair, fiery stare / nothing's right, 'cause she's not here tonight 

* Explosion // Zolita 

it's a mindless love affair / one hot mess of bleach blonde hair / I could kiss her but your lips taste better / you could kiss him but my words are sweeter

* Sweet Moon // Sundarta 

when the world is big and I’m alone / I call you and I am home

Faith / Tara

* Will You Be My Girlfriend // Alanis Morissette 

I guess I fall and you stay intact is that right? I guess you hear me and won't attack me, is that right? guess I reach out and you reach back, is that right?

* Not gonna Get Us // T.at.u 

soon there will be laughter and voices / beyond the clouds over the mountains / we'll run away on roads that are empty / lights from the airfield shining upon you (teenage runaway mehane)

* Love you Anyway // Jil Nisson & Marlene

I know what you've been getting / coz I sure got it too / don't, don't you forget it / the damage they do

* Walk The Line // Halsey

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine / I keep my eyes wide open all the time / I keep the ends out for the tie that binds / because you're mine, I walk the line

Willow / Amy

* Wherever We Are // Human Life

after the day we're chasing the sun / farther away the faster we run / feet on the ground our head in the stars / finding the sound wherever we are

* When We’re High // LP 

let’s swallow the moon and the stars / let’s wallow just right where we are

Amy / Faith

* Whiskey & Black Leather // Sapphic Lasers

some they want a girl next door / but that ain't what I'm looking for / I first saw your lips across the room / red like a blood moon

* Her Lover // Ally & Stevie 

she is like a cat in the dark / and then she is the darkness

* High Enough // K Flay 

don’t try to give me cold water / I don’t wanna sober up / all I see are tomorrows / oh, the stars were made for us

Cordelia / Anya

*  Only a Girl // Gia

soft touch, warm skin / nothing like my ex-man / slowly falling, I don't want my next man

* I Don’t Do Boys // Elektra 

I don't do boys, I just do girls / just do girls with style and class / I don't do boys, I just do girls / just do girls with kissable ass

Fuffy / Radison

* One More // Elliphant 

stay with me tonight / we can count the street lights / stay with me alright let's bring it all back to life (bad girls & smashed shennanigans)

Dark Willow / Anyanka + Darla / Drusilla + Lilah / Cordelia (Jasmine possessed version)

* Glory & Gore // Lorde

delicate in every way but one, / God knows we like archaic kinds of fun / chance is the only game I play with / baby, we let our battles choose us 

“ Your Lips are Red // St. Vincent

this city's red / this city's red from riding us into the ground / this city's black / this city's black from all the ashes in downtown

Willow / Anya

* Wishful Thinking // The Ditty Bops 

when the cold and lonely hours put your heart to the test / maybe I'll be the one that you like best (S7 Rosekins)

* The Happy Song // Kate Miccuci 

'cause isn't it nice to have the friends that you do? / and isn't it nice that the sky is so blue? / and isn't it nice to say "I love you"? (the cheery & matter -of-factly style of this song reminds me of anya)

Faith / Willow

* So-Called Str8 Grrrl // Gina Young

I think you want me / you know you want me / so why do you talk shit about me

* She’s so Lovely // The Butchies 

she's a rocker dressed like a killer / she's got lips like wine not sugar 

* Sum of your parts // Mary Lambert

I didn't know I was a phoenix till I learned how to speak / even with ashes in my mouth I was still born to breath / I wonder are you like me

* All I Want is To Be Your Girl // Holly Miranda

Well there's ghosts in the night and ghosts in my mind / and if we quit changing we'll be left behind / but I won't take another chance of screwing it up / so I stay where I am / but all I want is to be your girl

Buffy / Satsu

* Cliff’s Edge // Hayley Kiyoko

you turn me on / you lead me on / you got me on / a cliff's edge (satsu’s pov)

* One Night // Charlie XCX 

you are somethin’ special / twenty carats, solid gold / what we had was precious / but I had to let you go

Cordelia / Lilah

* Short Skirt, Long Jacket // Larkin Poe

I want a girl with a mind like a diamond / I want a girl who knows what's best I want a girl with shoes that cut / and eyes that burn like cigarettes

Fuffy + Willow / Kennedy

* We Might be Dead by Tomorrow // Soko

give me all your love / ‘cause for all we know / we might be dead by tomorrow

Kendra / Buffy

* Eleventeen // Kimya Dawson

you may feel strange, well, you are an angel / stuck in tight pants stuck at a high school dance / stuck doing people things not knowing you have wings

* Supergirl // Anna Naklab

you can see in her eyes / that no one is her chain / she's my girl / my supergirl

Cordelia / Faith

* Can I Say Baby // GIRLI 

can I say baby? / I don't wanna be soppy / but I like your style / think you're kinda cool / I'm sort of into you

* Rebel Girl // Bikini Kill 

rebel girl rebel girl / I think I want to take you home / I want to try on your clothes

* Flowers and Rope // Princess Nokia

voices in my head, monsters under my bed / I'm alone again, I lost all my friends / wanna play pretend? hope this never ends

Fred / Faith

* Whiskey // Nicole Reynolds

you accept that i talk too much / i accept that you talk too little / but it's fine / i like a good riddle

In the Margins // Ani Difranco

you are a rare bird / the kind i wouldn't even mind / writing in the margins of my books

Willow / Kennedy

* Pretty Girl // Hayley Kiyoko 

I can tell you’re real smart / world class piece of art / I can see you in the dark / all we have to do is start

* Let it Go // Allie Moss 

darlin' you see / the fear in me / and how I'd finally be / if I were willing to let it go

Buffy / Anne

* Annonymous Club //  Courtney Barnett 

let's start an anonymous club / I'll make us name badges with question marks

* Hideaway // IVY 

under stars and satellites / a thousand miles / from where we've been

Willow/Fred + Buffy/Tara

* I Was Made for Sunny Days // The Weepies

I was made for sunny days / and I was made for you

Faith / Kennedy

* Crimson and Clover //  Joan Jett & the Blackhearts 

ah, now I don't hardly know her / but I think I can love her

“ Honey // Kehlani

I like my girls just like I like my honey; sweet / a little selfish

Cordelia / Fred

* Genius // The Murmurs

she's kinda weird / she's kinda freaky / but I don't know / I think she's a genius

* There she goes // Sixpence None the Richer 

there she goes / there she goes again / racing through my brain / and I just can't contain / this feeling that remains

[love-for-ever-more]

I wanna feel love: Part 10

A Deacury fic

Freddie always loved to be spoiled. He liked to be taken care of and he liked to take care of somebody he loved. It was one of his ways to show his love and it was in his nature to ask for it. So, naturally, he over-enjoyed himself with John's well-intentioned nannying, as he helped him take off his t-shirt, put him in bed and covered him with the blankets. When John turned off the light, ready to leave the room Freddie purred " Won't you stay here for the night, dear?"

John turned back and smiled at him "I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep my word to you...if I lay next to you, again..." John admitted and blushed heavily.

Freddie giggled and hid his face in his hands, just like a little child who had just been extremely complimented, not so secretly loving John's answer. "I'll see you tomorrow then" he said sheepishly and saw John walk back to him. He leaned forward and planted a kiss on Freddie's dimple, right next to his mouth, rubbing his cheek on Freddie's for only a moment. Freddie giggled again and kissed John back on his cheek.

"Goodnight!" John said as he ran his hand in Freddie's hair.

"Goodnight!" Freddie wished back.

~~~~~

Freddie woke up early the next morning. He was still feeling a slight headache from yesterday's beers but, generally, he was ok. He had slept quite well despite being afraid of seeing another nightmare once John had left his room. 'I really hope nightmares are over' he wished with all his heart although he could see himself feeling much much better psychologically.

His life was getting better, he could feel that. He was eager of all the new and exciting things that would come along his way -their way-, Queen's way and of course, Freddie's and John's way. He slowly opened his eyes and smiled. He got up and ran to the window wishing to see a bright sun, not a dull, cloudy sky as the one from the previous days.

The sun wasn't as bright and warm as Freddie wanted it to be -it was only mid-March anyway- but it was there, nevertheless. It was enough to let positivity overwhelm him and fill his heart with the yearning of the new kiss -the warm and gentle kiss of the spring- as it was approaching him. 'Approaching us' he thought and smiled widely, with John in his mind. He opened the window and breathed in deeply, letting the cold air reach every fiber of his body.

With an air of expectancy in his face, he took a shower, put on a clean t-shirt and some short pants and carefully opened John's door. It was still dark in there and Freddie could hardly see John laying on his side, with his head facing the door. He stood there, under the door frame, not wanting to wake him up and smiled widely at him. He sent him a huge kiss full of love and slowly took a step backward, pulling the door to close it.

"Goodmorning to you, too!" John's voice invited him to stay. Freddie lifted his head to look at John and smiled, again.

"You're up!" he giggled.

"I am" John said, beckoning at him to come closer by crooking his finger.

Freddie catwalked his way to John; lithely and gracefully and kneeled in front of John's eye height, looking at him lovingly with his warm brown eyes. John moved his head closer to Freddie and then his body, remaining silent as he watched Freddie act instinctively by leaning his head forward and slightly repositioning himself so he could smoothly touch John's cheek with his own, making their noses brush.

"It's sunny, today!" Freddie whispered.

John, slightly opened his lips and brushed them on Freddie's and then turned his head, just so, to bury his nose in the small sensitive area underneath Freddie's ear, taking in a deep breath of his body scent. He heard Freddie gasp, as he brushed his lips on his neck. Freddie indulged in John's soft, leisure pattern made by his fingers at the back of his head and neck and John indulged in Freddie's delicate lip brushing against his forehead and eyebrows.

"John...,"

John felt Freddie's cheekbones moving slightly on his cheeks and chuckled at the feeling, "mm-hmm"

"Can I lay with you?" he asked softly.

"Gladly!" John immediately beamed and moved back to make Freddie some room on his bed.

Freddie laid next to him on his back feeling John's hand wrap around his waist. He let out a sigh of content and turned his head to John. "I'm sorry for my behaviour last night," he said "I didn't mean to be.."

"Jealous?" John cut him off with a smirk.

"Well... yeah, that too but I meant rude." he sighed in embarrassment.

"When were you rude?"

"When...I left during the movie...and-"

"Oh! You mean because you got jealous?" John taunted him, pulling him closer.

Freddie swallowed "and then... I threw myself-"

"I can't recall what you're talking about, Freddie." John cut him of and gave him a small pinch on his cheek.

"Thank you...I was being-"

"No worries." John said playfully, tapping on his nose.

Freddie smiled and nodded his head. He took a deep breath and buried himself in John's arms, hugging him tightly. John slowly, got on top of him, kissing him on his face and neck.

It didn't take him long to feel John's cock press his own hardening one and start blushing. He wriggled beneath him, taken over by shyness he couldn't really understand. He was getting hard too and that was natural and expected and really welcome cause he had fallen in love with John and he wanted to get intimate with him.

But despite all that, something was holding him back. And now, that he wasn't drunk, he felt like he couldn't let John get on with him because he wasn't totally honest with him. Freddie wriggled again.

John, sensing Freddie's discomfort got off of him and laid beside him, changing the matter. "I wanna show you something!" he said "get ready to go out!"

Freddie raised his head and looked at John. "And.., what will you do here?" he pouted his lips.

"I'm not staying here, silly!" John laughed. "I'm coming with you, of course!"

"Oh! ok! I thought-" he smiled nervously.

'We'll take the car! we're gonna take a small trip!" John said and with a jump he was out of bed, pulling Freddie with him. "Now... why don't you go and put on one of those gorgeous pants of yours and a nice t-shirt and meet me downstairs?"

"Which pants?" Freddie laughed and shivered in John's hands.

"Oooh...I don't knooow..." John stretched the words "perhaps one of your new ones?" he raised his brow and smirked at Freddie, tightening his grasp around his waist.

John saw Freddie's bare arms prickling with goosebumps as he impulsively leaned his torso on him, touching him on his shoulders with the tips of his fingers. Freddie's touch was as soft as Jonh had dreamt it to be... he closed his eyes and heard Freddie whisper his name in the way he longed for too much... soft, almost melted but also inviting and all the way seductive and sensual.

He had tried many times to stifle his feelings for Freddie, telling himself that he was with Mary and that he wasn't gay and if all the powers of the universe conspired on John's favour and Freddie was gay, he would never have liked John back. But, the love he had for him and the lust that was burning him inside always remained there, hidden, suppressed and silenced.

Now, with Freddie in his arms and Freddie's touch on his body these feelings were so eagerly screaming to be on the loose, he found it hard to contain himself and keep his word of letting him feel ready before rushing to each other and then regret it.

"Never" John babbled his last thought. He could never regret it. He smiled widely as he kissed Freddie's spot between his eyebrows. Then he kissed him on his chin, something that made Freddie bury himself even deeper, in John's arms.

"Maybe I should get ready..." Freddie mumbled through giggles.

"Ok" John reluctantly agreed and kissed him again and then again and then once more on his cheek, before let him butterfly out of the room.

~~~~

It took them an hour to reach their destination. John had insisted on Freddie wearing a blindfold to intensify his curiosity and his eagerness, something that made Freddie quite anxious about where he was being driven.

When John parked the car, he took Freddie by his hand and helped him walk with his blindfold still on, enjoying Freddie's little threats of making him wear a rabbit suit on stage or making him eat every food he would attempt to cook for a whole week. He laughed at every single one of them.

When John finally stopped walking, he let him take the blindfold off and took a step behind him. Freddie blinked his eyes to adjust his vision back to the daylight and gasped loudly at the stunning view in front of him.

"Aah!" he clenched at his chest "Oh my God!" he exclaimed.

John was standing behind him, smiling, as he watched Freddie losing himself in the vibrant cheerful sight of the daffodils. The wonderful display in Hampton Court Palace was almost in full bloom. Thousands of yellow, white and orange daffodils have been bred there and despite the previous day's rain the view was breathtaking.

Freddie turned to John "How...how did you know?" he asked and stretched his hand to him.

"I came here two years ago, with some friends from college and I felt mesmerized by the view..." John smiled as he took Freddie's hand and stepped next to him.

They remained silent for some moments with Freddie throwing side glances at John while he was contemplating the remarkable riverside gardens which were stretching away before the eye.

Freddie saw John open his mouth to speak but he closed it shortly after. He heard him let a deep sigh and fixed his eyes on him.

"Daffodils remind me of you." John whispered and Freddie felt his heart pound. "Come, let's have a walk..." he said and caught Freddie's hand in his own, again.

They ambled through the narrow paths among the dozens of acres abloom with many different kinds of daffodils, soaking up the colourful scenery. The yellow ones were the most cheerful of all, almost as bright as the summer sun in the southern countries.

'Freddie seems to be in his natural place', John thought and smiled, 'among flowers'.

He sat on a stone bench and watched Freddie loiter and dally over the flowers, taking his time to stoop down every now and then and smell some of them, mumbling and singing around enjoying the beautiful scenery. John watched every single move Freddie was making, not wanting to miss anything. At the end, Freddie minced towards him with his hands on his hips and stood right in front of him. He licked his lips as he looked down at him and in a childish voice he asked "why?" pouting his lips.

"Why what?" John smiled.

"Why do daffodils remind you of me?"

"Oh! That one..." he said and leaned back to support himself on his elbows.

Freddie nodded and sat beside him. "I wanna know..." he said as he drew a line on John's thigh with his forefinger.

John tilted his head back, letting the sun gently kiss his face. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking.

"Daffodils represent to us -the British- what swallows stand for the people of the southern countries..." he said in a soft tone as if he was narrating a fairytale. He imagined Freddie gazing at him, closely, and smiled as he continued "Daffodils are a sign of spring's long awaited advent. After the coldness... and the darkness of winter, a bright and refreshing morning is just ahead of us..." John said without opening his eyes.

"Mm hmm" Freddie hummed and squirmed closer, laying on the bench, facing John. It felt as if John had heard his morning thoughts when he saw the sun, waiting for them. He leaned his head on John's shoulder and rested his hand on John's torso as he heard him carry on.

"Daffodils may look plain and simple but... they are full of life and... they are delicate and despite their delicacy and their daintiness...-" John smiled as he felt Freddie's breath on his neck and kissed his cheek again "they stand courageously to winter and they defy him...and they mock him right to his face, being the first flowers to blossom. They are gentle  but at the same time they show their true nature by standing tall, welcoming spring. And that's why they remind me of you." he concluded.

Freddie stayed there trying to take in John's words. He couldn't believe that John, his friend, was thinking all these beautiful things for him. He opened his eyes and gazed at him. He was there, so sweet and tender, holding him close to his chest with a smile plastered on his face.

'He is aware of how I think about myself and he's telling all these things -pretending to be in love with me- just to make me stop thinking like this...or is he actually in love with me despite everything?'  Freddie thought. 'He has said so many beautiful things to me these days... He can't be pretending...can he?' he wondered.

'You know John more than anyone else in London... you goof!' his inner voice answered at once. 'He looks so happy next to you!'

Freddie sighed and closed his eyes again.

'But this is not what you are scared of. Is it. Cause, you know John and he could never play with you this way...'

Freddie sighed again and pressed his face on John's body.

"Is everything all right?" John's calm voice sounded in his ears.

"John...I have to tell you something... and I'm afraid that you won't have the same opinion for me... after you hear it... and..." he paused, feeling a lumb in his throat and the first tears swelling up in his eyes "..and I'm afraid I'll lose you before...before I even get the chance to... to have you." his voice turned into a whisper as he left John's hug and sat properly on the bench. He wiped the tears with his fingers and hid his face in his palms.

John mimicked him and sat on the bench, looking at him with worried eyes. "Freddie, it's ok sweetheart. You can tell me anything... " he said softly. Freddie stood up with his back turned to John, not being able to face him as he started.

"I... me and Mary... no." He stopped and sighed deeply. "It was... some months ago when I... no no." he stopped again, trying to put his thoughts in order.

"Freddie," John stood up and put his hand on his shoulder but Freddie stepped away as soon as he felt it.

He had to tell John or else he wouldn't be honest with him and he wanted to be crystal clear with the man who made his heart beat fast in his chest. Although it wasn't John's business, Freddie felt that John deserved to know what had happened in his life, till now.

"John, please, let me talk to you first and then... you are free to decide what you want to do. Ok?" he asked, without looking at him.

"Ok then, go on...tell me." John answered and sat at the bench.

"I...during these past months when I was avoiding you and the guys and... I was going out alone, I..." he sighed "I met... I visited some bars -some gay bars- and I've met some guys and.. had sex with them and... I kept running back at them..." he said and lowered his head. "Romantically. I wanted to be in a relationship with them. With...most of them. I... wasn't faithful to Mary and... and I couldn't help myself from falling for those guys."

"So?" John's voice sounded as calm as before and Freddie thought that he hadn't paid attention to him, at all.

He turned, in question, to face him just when John walked next to him. They both looked straight into each others eyes. Freddie bit his lower lip and closed his eyes, feeling ashamed of looking at John. Silent tears fell on his cheeks just before John cupped his face in his hands.

"So?" John asked again. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I'm not as strong as you think I am, John!" a muffled cry escaped his mouth "or... or as innocent as you believe..." he tried to free himself from John's touch, "I've lied to all of you, many times and I don't-"

"Shhh" John whispered as he tried to hold him in his arms. He grabbed Freddie from his waist and made him stay there as he tried to look him in the eye again. "Are you done?" he asked, putting his right arm around Freddie's waist and using his left one to lift his chin up so he could look at him. "Freddie, the fact that you fell for those men, it doesn't matter." John said, decisively. "It simply justifies why I think of you like that!" John said quietly. "You are as innocent as I think you are cause your heart is so pure and so gentle! It doesn't matter that you lied to us or that you had sex with them." he went on, in such an understanding and at the same time so passionate tone. His eyes full of love stared at Freddie's who was standing completely rigid in front of him, staring somewhere above John's shoulder. "Nobody has the right to judge you for that... not me, not the guys, not even yourself." he ended and took a step back.

Freddie's eyes hovered back at John "so... you... you still like me?" he asked timidly.

"If only you could see yourself the way I do..." John smiled and opened his arms for him.

Freddie fell in his arms and hugged him tightly. "I was so afraid of losimg you..." he sniffled. "How can you be so perfect?" he managed.

"I really don't know!" John laughed and looked at Freddie again. His face was peaceful now, all the tension he felt earlier had disappeared and the tears had dried on his cheeks. "I only know that I love you" he whispered and wrapped him in his arms again, without giving him a moment to recover his breathing back to normal after what he had just heard.

They relaxed and enjoyed their hug, feeling their heartbeat in the same rhythm as the time went by, letting an aura of serenity comfort them, amidst the bustling city.

"John," Freddie whispered "how did you feel when I introduced you to Veronica and said that you would make a nice couple?"

John laughed and motioned to continue their walk. "Honestly?" he asked, receiving a nod from Freddie. "I wanted to punch you for being so blind!" he exclaimed.

"Oh God... What a fool..." he laughed as he mocked himself "I only wanted to help, dear... I'm sorry. I shouldn't get involved."

John laughed again and pulled Freddie close to him as they walked among the daffodils. "At least Mary had a good time with you until you broke up..." he said and threw a side glance at him.

"Mmm not exactly, dear. We didn't have sex since last September."

"I know." John hummed as he bent and cut a white daffodil.

"John you aren't supposed to cut the flowers! We aren't even allowed to touch them!" Freddie cried and span around himself a couple of times to see if anyone had saw them.

"Pretend you didn't see me then and stop shouting!" John said and stood up quickly. He grabbed Freddie's hand and walked away.

"So... how do you know about it?" Freddie asked.

"I... well, I used to leave the house every time she spent the night in your room." John admitted and cleared his throat. "Or at least until you two had fallen asleep..." he said, looking the other way.

Freddie chuckled and kissed John on his cheek. "I did the same thing" he giggled.

"Yeah..." John laughed. "The point is that... I've never had sex with Veronica."

"Really?" Freddie's eye's widened.

"Mm hmm" John hummed and bent down to cut another flower.

"But... you were together for five months. Right?"

John chuckled hearing Freddie speak about him and Veronica in the past tense. He turned his face to him. "You mean, we are together for five months..." he said, trying to sound serious.

Freddie swallowed as he glanced at John's smug expression. "Well... yes. Yes, of course." he muttered, looking down and licked his lips nervously. He glanced at John again and saw him cut two more flowers.

"Oh! Did you think that I'd ask her to break up, too?" he looked up at him, again and raised his eyebrows.

Freddie's gaze fell and he shook his head fervently, pressing his lips together. He was never good at hiding his disappointment. He suddenly resumed his walk, leaving John behind who smiled contently at Freddie's reaction.

"Cause if you thought so..." he said loud enough for Freddie to hear him, "you were right!"

Freddie stopped and turned around. He looked at John as if he was asking  "really?"

John reached him and smiled "Freddie, I spend my days thinking of you and talking about you! Especially when I'm with Veronica. Yesterday was not an exception... I couldn't keep my eyes off of you!-"

"You liked the pants, huh?" Freddie smirked, feeling a bit stupid about his reaction of walking away from John.

"The pants were just the cherry on the top!" John grinned making Freddie gasp. He stepped closer and handed him the small bouquet. "By the way, in case you didn't get it, these are for you!" he laughed.

Freddie grinned at him with a full grin and took the flowers. "I'm stupid. I know..." he mumbled with a small frown "but you're even more stupid than I am for liking me!" he laughed and thanked John for the bouquet.

~~~~~

When they returned home it was late afternoon. They had spent their morning admiring the daffodils and then they had lunch at the small Asian restaurant near their house. They walked for some time in the neighbourhood, talking and laughing and when the sun set and they felt cold, they drove back at their house.

John was making  Freddie's heart beat in a fast, happy rhythm and Freddie was falling in love with John,  more and more with every second, eagerly and thirstily. His cheeks were aching from smiling and laughing so very often. He could feel butterflies in his stomach every time John smiled at him and something was telling him that this time, it would be different. He only had to let himself indulge the moment, the feeling, the sentiment... It was John, the one who Freddie had fallen for... and John, was already his best friend.

"Wow!" Freddie laughed as they entered the house. He took John's hand in his, again. "I feel like I lost all the calories I gained, dear!"

John grinned "I had a great day, today!" tightening his grip on Freddie's hand.

"Me too, darling! Thank you for it!" Freddie couldn't stop smiling.

[blairwarner]

i was tagged by sweet @midgemaisels (thank u etta <333)

i tag: @grobglas, @polniaczek, @kimberlunas, @jewishsuperfam, @girlpash, and anyone else who might want to do this!!

what’s your favourite song(s) to sing/hum? 

so many, but most frequently, you can hear renditions of “i have nothing” and “i will always love you” by whitney, “lights” by journey, and “piece of my heart” by janis joplin among other songs

i also love singing anything from “little women,” especially “small umbrella in the rain” and “the fire within me” - that show means so much to me still and whenever i hear anything from it, i’m brought back to high school and reminded of how much i’ve grown and how much jo march means to me and goDASJFDHSAFLH

what’s your favourite flower/tree/plant? 

flower: forget-me-nots

tree: dogwood maybe?? since it reminds me of home

plant: i don’t have a favorite? i dont know? they’re all very nice!

favourite colours? 

love soft green, light pinks

what do you always doodle? 

cubesalsjdhf, sometimes rectangular prisms or triangular prisms to break up the monotony 

how do you take your coffee/tea?

coffee: listen, if there’s coffee, and i need it, then i’ll drink it no matter what. however, i prefer to first put a lil bit of cream in my mug, and then put the coffee in, and then i’ll put in some sugar

tea: depends on the tea. herbal tea? i put nothing in with it. black tea? i put in cream and sugar like with my coffee

favourite candle scent? 

i don’t know if i have a favorite, but i love oceany smells along with lavender and jasmine scented things 

sunrise or sunset? 

both

what perfume do you wear? 

okay so i haven’t gotten a new perfume in a loNG time but

when we went to disney world back when i was younger, we went to epcot and we went to the french section, and they have some shops there. well, for my souvenir, i decided i wanted to buy this perfume by guerlain  (i’m pretty sure it’s discontinued now??), but it smells and looks like the sun, so i only use it for special occasions 

i laugh bc when some kids go to disney, they wanna buy mickey mouse ears and tshirts and stuff like that, but young laurel was like ‘no no i want to buy this perfume’

fuzzy socks or house slippers? 

fuzzy socks! i always like the concept of slippers but for some reason, they just never work out for me

what color are your eyes? 

blue/green - they change depending on the light

what’s your favourite eye colour on others? 

i loVE BROWN EYES SO MUCH yes!!! give me those warm eyes yes pls!!

favourite season? why? 

i really don’t have a favorite tbh. they all have their pros and cons

cheek, neck, or nose kisses? 

depends on what kind of mood we’re in u feel? (neck for bow chicka wow wow and cheek for sweeter moments - i’m not as much of a fan of nose kisses)

what does your happy place look like? 

my mom and our dog bridget

favourite breed of dog? 

big dogs!

do you ever want to be married? if so, what colours would you pick for your wedding theme? 

i think that’s something i would like very much

for our wedding theme, it depends on when the wedding is? it also depends on my spouse and if there’s a certain color that relates to our story. but i think soft colors would be nice. oR we could have some bright yellow and it would be really happy! honestly, i don’t have a super specific vision in my head yet. it really all depends on the other person and our love and what’s inspired by that

cursive or print? 

i write in a weird mix, but cursive is def prettier to read

favourite weather? 

a lil cold but still sunny!