#me when i see egg and all i can think of is this stupid Egghead

[brokenrefraction]

HAPP BIRTB GIVS U. UH. UHHHHHHHH 💥

EGG. GIVS U EGG.

^THIS EGG?????

[imhereandexist]

Broken Heart Key Chapter 5

Another Month…

Sonic found himself looking at another map for the next dig site. Now that his hands healed up, he was itching to get back in there again. All the photos he took before were analyzed by now. Something about a snake. Cliff said it was a myth from their ancestors. Imprisoning Lyric for all eternity. Seems they found his Prison. Well, Egghead found it then tried to have Sonic open it. It was fate that seemed to take his hands being injured. They weren't now though. 

He heard steps and listened. Not Tails, although his brother had gotten taller so they sounded a little heavier this time. Shadow had a light step, so it wasn't him. He kept listening and realized who it was before they could speak. 

“I am not being yelled at again Jet. Why are you here?” Sonic asked. 

"We started a fight and you never came!” He screamed. 

"Oh, you mean the one from yesterday? When I was busy helping here? Wow, it's almost like I just…don't want to fight anymore. Ever think about that? Oh wait, you don't think about it. You only think about yourself.” Sonic waved a hand to dismiss him. 

"Some hero you are! We need your help and you ignore us?” 

"Yeah, you need help alright. To open a prison! I am not stupid. I know you want to wake Lyric. I ain't doing that.” 

Jet walked over and forced him to face the bird, “you will! Or I'll hurt your precious brother!” 

"Tch, Tails could kick your ass, trust me.” Sonic pushed himself free. 

"Is that so? What about your precious miners?”

A sound outside had Sonic zip out to see Eggman attacking the encampment. 

“Oh, Sonic! I think you owe me a fight!” Eggman laughed. 

“I came at a bad time,” Shadow's voice has Sonic relax and look at him. 

“You s-” 

"Chaos Control!” 

Time froze, but Shadow pulled Sonic and unfroze him. A shock for Sonic to see time frozen. He then looked at Shadow and what was in his hands. 

"I was told you liked Red Roses and Lavender.” Shadow held the bouquet out to him and looked away. “I am not…good at this stuff, so I had to ask Amy.” 

In the years he had been “dating” Jet, he always gave the gifts. He never got anything. Even on holidays. Even if it was all one sided, something simple would have been nice. He slowly took the bouquet into his arms and smiled. 

“Thank you,” He looked at them and smelled them. 

Shadow caught the glowing happiness and melted. Then he quickly turned away. 

“We have a fight to win. We can talk in the tent after it.” Shadow let time resume and focused on Sonic's reaction more. 

The hero looked happy over something as simple as flowers. He went to Amy to ask what Sonic would like as a gift. Something someone would enjoy receiving. She said everyone loved getting their favorite flower. Each had some deep meaning. Not that he knew but Amy said Sonic loved Red Roses and Lavender a lot. Roses symbolized different forms of love. Red means romance. 

"They are just flowers!” Jet yelled. 

Sonic didn't even pay attention to the bird, “I'll put these up.” He was gone and then back. “There. Safe and put in water.” 

“Shall we?” Shadow took a step to the side. 

"What a gentleman,” The hero sped by and hit Eggman's robot first. 

"hadow jumped and kicked the bird back onto his board, “your fights with me. I have been waiting for a while to do this.” 

"Let's go then, Hot Topic!” Jet got ready for a fight. 

"Tch, I hate that nickname.” Shadow muttered as he jumped. His fist met Jet’s face. 

The bird fell back again, but he got up and followed Eggman. Both leave the Encampment after losing. Sonic took past the robot and left the Egg Mobile at best, barely hovering. It sputtered away. 

“As always, the hero lets the villain get away.” Shadow looked at him. “Really should finish him off.” 

"Age is. That is the worst built thing I saw. Not sure why but…feels as if Egghead is…not all here.” Sonic looked at him. 

“Could be. Age does many things. Now, I want to talk to you. In your tent.” Shadow walked towards it while pulling Sonic along by the hand. 

They could hear the people cheering about the win and thanking Sonic and Shadow for what they did. Once inside, he closed the flap. It was organized and he saw the flowers in a vase full of water. Right at the workstation. 

"So I can always see them. What did you want to discuss? You normally come in with something not as serious.” 

"I know you built a coffin for that heart of yours. I know very well who helped ensure that…it would be broken.” Shadow started. “But…” 

He slowly turned to face him. 

"I want to be honest with you when I say this. I think I have fallen for you. This isn't coming from me needing to take care of you. It is but it isn't just that. I want to do that because I want to see you happy.” Shadow continued. “I hate what Jet did to you. I hate how he beat down all your confidence and made you feel less than everyone around you.” 

Shadow walked closer and gently grabbed his hands.

“I hate that he made you feel as if your feelings didn't matter. I can't…fix what he broke completely, but if you'd let me. I’d like to try and fix pieces of it. Even if you want to stay friends, I still want to fix it.” 

Sonic didn't say anything, but he saw his expression. His ears weren't down so it was good. The hero wasn't rejecting the idea. The surprise meant he didn't expect it. And when that all faded, he was processing it all. He never pulled away his hands. So another good sign. So far. 

"You…are asking a lot from…something that is barely able to have…a pulse..” Sonic half laughed at his joke. “I am not…I don't…Shadow I am not sure if I am even…worth what you are feeling.” 

“You are to me. I was just as broken. You did not judge or hold it against me. Even after all I did. I think you are worth it. If Jet has a problem, leave him to me. And I am not asking for a full heartbeat. Even a weak pulse is enough for me.” Shadow shrugged. “Just means it needs patience and time to heal. I can wait as well. You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do.” 

“I learned the hard way what happens when you put…this thing off. I do like you, Shadow. More than you know. Next to Tails, you have been the best thing to happen to me in the last three months. But you are opening a coffin. Not a box and I don't want to waste your time. Especially if it's dead.” Sonic took a deep breath and held his eyes shut for a moment. “I don't want to waste anyone's time.” 

"If you want…we can see how dead it really is.” Shadow took a step closer. 

“I'm covered in dirt.” Sonic told him. 

"I know. It's fresh too. You bathe in it?”

He got the hero to laugh. 

“No, I had to move some today. Amy needed some for a special case. Mines have rich soil apparently.” 

The two laughed for a couple minutes. It got quiet, but another good sign was Sonic didn't pull back from him. 

"You don't sound dead.” Shadow teased. 

Sonic laughed again when Shadow put his head against Sonic's chest. 

“Shadow, that..tickles.” he tried to move away and got pulled back. “There..okay, okay. We can try. Stop tickling me.” 

He got released and saw the most playful grin on the black and red hedgehog’s face. 

"Don't you dare.” Sonic went to run but got grabbed. “Ah! Shads,you are covered in dirt now.” 

"Worth it. We can shower later.”

"Oh, it's We for the shower?” Sonic let him lean against his back. He felt a nod. “I do need to get to work. Unless this was the plan to check for a pulse.” 

"That wasn't the plan to check.” 

It got quiet again. He was glad Sonic still didn't pull away. It wasn't the best plan, but he was winging it mostly. His original plan was to get Sonic out and go on a date. That was how he was going to check how dead that heart was. This worked more. 

He knew some humans, rare as case it was; could die from a broken heart. The pain and issues that caused many could turn deadly. Seems their hearts weren't as different from humans. The idea of Sonic seeing his own feelings as dead was almost a crime to him. If someone asked prior to this, why he had chosen to help. He would have said it was to see a friend just smile and be himself again. 

If they asked him after the second month, he would have said he was trying to figure out why he wanted so desperately to see him just be alive. He did figure it out though. 

Before asking Amy, he had gone to visit Sonic and caught a moment of weakness. He wasn't sure if Sonic ever noticed him though. The hero was holding a hand over his chest. A very distant expression. As if he was trying to feel behind his fur. At the end of the quick moment, Sonic gave up. His hand just fell and he wanted at least a part to feel alive so that he could feel as if he wasn't dead. 

Which ended up leading Shadow finally learning why he had been so desperate to help. While the hero had a broken heart locked in a coffin. He ended up going beyond crush and infatuation. He has fallen in love. Something he had only seen others do. He thought he couldn't. Always nice to be proven wrong. 

"Can I get to work?” Sonic's whispered question got his attention. 

"Yeah, but I want to come.” Shadow let go of him. “See what you've been up to.” 

"Found more relics, supposedly.” 

"Ooh? Really now?” Shadow opened the flap of the tent. 

“Yeah. More information to get for Tails, the journal…” Sonic cooed as he walked by. “Lots of stuff to do.”

“Then we should get started.” Shadow walked with him. 

Sonic giggled, “gonna make my dead heart skip a beat soon.” 

"Then you can't call it a dead heart if I make it skip a beat.” 

[spiinsparks]

          ||. thinking about how the entire narrative arc for sonic in lost world is trust ... but specifically trust in tails’ word and... trust in himself. and there’s probably something to be said about why he even needs to “re-learn” trust in tails but i’d have to go back through so many different games to pinpoint the exact moment when something shifted. (’something’ specifically being whatever game it was before tails low-key stopped tagging along on sonic’s actual in-game running adventures bc that in and of itself is a whole other thing. a shift in dynamic, so to speak.)

       but also thinking about the conflict in the egg-base??

S: we need eggman to shut down his machine. T: and you don’t trust me to do it. S: what?? no! i do trust you tails it’s just [that]- T: no you don’t. you trust eggman more. do you know how much that bites? S: I do trust you tails, but the whole world is in danger because I did something stupid. do you know how much THAT bites?

tails is... correct, even if his way of putting it is rather petulant. (that’s not a bad thing btw he is only... around 8-9 so yeah of course he’s gonna be a little bit self-centered about it.) as far as tails is concerned, sonic SHOULD trust him with this. Tails is really, REALLY smart. And he’s very good at shutting down egghead’s gizmos.  (and to tails... i mean this is a BIG deal. what he’s SAYING and belieiving in this moment is you don’t trust me AT ALL to do this one little thing. which sonic specifically responds to, and then elaborates on the real issue.)

it’s not that he doesn’t trust tail’s ability to shut the machine down. it’s just that he sees an option that to him is a.) fast and b.) safe in theory because, well. get the source material in on it. and so when tails points out that he trusts eggman more, i think... to some degree that’s correct — but only for this very specific situation where sonic’s really feeling the pressure. 

      sonic almost seems, to me, to be backtracking a little bit too hard after making a big mistake. and i think that’s fascinating. he didn’t listen to tails in time when tails tried to warn him not to punt egg’s remote into oblivion. and i suppose he figures that the safest (and fastest) way to make sure everything goes back to normal is - again - to get the source material to shut it all down, quick and easy while the clock is ticking. (and coming a little while after colors where the wisp translator was a real hit-or-miss on whether it’d work or not, maybe sonic is just really gunning for that security blanket of having a definite one-and-done.)       combine that with tails pointing out a flaw in his logic, after being whammied with other flaws in his logic (that continues to be a trend in this particular game, mind.) ... well. sonic is a little bit STUBBORN when it comes to defending his choices, sometimes. when he sees a way that feels correct to him he’ll stand by it until proven otherwise. so this scene is especially interesting because

tails isn’t wrong. and he’s justified, even, in pointing it out.

... but he’s going about pointing it out seemed to only make sonic double down on this decision. after all, now that they’ve got eggman under their watch... i mean. if they let him run loose that’ll cause it’s own set of problems, and that’s still not touching on the core of sonic’s argument here. because sonic’s issue isn’t about whether or not tails can or cannot do it.

      it’s about sonic making a mistake, and beneath all the many layers of dumb jokes and attitude, that IS something that is weighing on him.

not to mention sonic keeps beating himself up over little mistakes and being very. antsy. about things the whole time. 

S: and you! what were you thinking, tails? you could have gotten yourself killed. S: I’m supposed to be the fastest. but i was too slow to save my buddy. OB: if we don’t find your friend, can i be your sidekick? S: what? shut up! what kind of question is that?! OB: i didn’t mean anything by it. i just thought it might be better to work for you than eggman. S: orb-bot, no matter what happens, i won’t fail again. i will save tails.

one of sonic’s many core traits is that he, when it comes down to it, is a protector.  that’s what he always does. esp in modern games. except in this one,  his mistake - meant to protect the world - put it on a time limit. then in an effort to figure out a “safe” and “efficient” (see: “fast”) solution he ends up costing tails’ faith in him when sonic is already kinda doubting himself.

     ...and then to make matters worse he loses tails. because of his own impulsiveness. another mistake to add to the pile of this little adventure. just like how he lost eggman’s device. all because he is, genuinely, trying to help and trying to protect. he’s just ... not slowing down enough to really process it all. (and let others help him but that’s a thought to dive into for another day once i’ve done that analysis i was talking about earlier)

     something something blah blah about the scene where he’s trying to get into contact with knuckles and amy after losing eggman too, and... i mean the kid was all out on his own and he was feeling it. it’s when tails saves himself and then comes back to his side that sonic resets into

“oh. i was doing that loner thing and he’s right. i DIDN’T trust him when he was calling me out.” 

       and then it fixes itself from there. 

       but specifically i find it interesting that tails was to some degree, correct. just DEFINITELY not in the “you just don’t trust me AT ALL” respect that tails was taking it to in that moment. because sonic will forever and ALWAYS trust tails. with everything. that is not the problem.         sonic’s answer to tails’ point-out really does imply that his issue was HIMSELF. trusting himself. because now he’s hyper-aware of himself. it’s almost like he’s asking tails during that argument to “hey just trust that i’ve got this, that i can make a good choice after that really bad mistake that set us back.”

     there’s a cleaner way to explain all of this but perhaps i’ll come back to it another day.

[evertriedsoywithyourpopcorn]

5 Reasons Roman Is Infuriating (And Why I DO NOT have a crush on him)

(Logince with a bit of denying and pining) Read on AO3

My first fic, based on my Logince drawing (If someone ever wants to make anything based on my art, feel free to ask. Making content is hard and people fleshing out concepts is always fun.) Word count: 3641

Tw: Cursing, Food mention, Balloon popping, Remus being his authentic self

Character’s: Remus, Virgil, Janus, Logan, Roman (At the end), Patton (Mainly implied)

~~~

He had everything ready.

"Ahem."

Three heads turn to look at him.

"Logan, I really don't understand why you're doing this. You know I'm literally the Lord of the Lies, right? I can tell when you're lying."

"Falsehood. I am here specifically to prove to you three, the ones that have doubted me the most, what I think of Roman, so that you'll stop teasing me about emotions that aren't even there." Logan says, standing in front of a long classroom table. Virgil, Janus and Remus sit there, each maintaining their own postures and looking at him with disbelieving expressions.

"Logan, we can see your heart boner from here. You really think you can convince us with a slideshow presentation?" Remus picks his teeth, seemingly bored of the idea.

"That's exactly what I'm doing- What? Why would my heart have a boner? It doesn't have the proper parts to do that-" Logan looks lost, clutching the presentation button in his hand.

"It's an expression, Pocket Protector. It means you've got feelings for him." Virgil sighs.

Logan squints at him. "Of course I have feelings for him." Logan looks behind him, to the SmartBoard behind him. The board turns on, displaying the presentation title. "And those feelings are feelings of irritation. My name is Logan Sanders, and welcome to my Ted Talk."

There is a collective sigh from the others.

Logan takes a pointer stick (the one with the little hand on one side) from a holder on the wall, and points at the words on the screen. "This is 5 reasons why Roman is infuriating. And unlike your cognitive distortions may suggest, I DO NOT have a crush on him." He gestures with the stick where the same thing is written. "So, let's begin."

~~~

1. He likes to insist that he's the most handsome side, despite us all looking like Thomas.

It's ridiculous. All of their traits are reminiscent of Thomas's.

There are some mild changes they go through when they aren't summoned, but they are just slight shifts. For example, Janus and Remus both have different long hairstyles, and they all have a bit of a hair color change. Their features do shift too, emulating ones Thomas has seen over his lifetime that he'd associate with their personalities.

However, in person and in the mindscape, Roman really thinks 'he's the sh*t' (Virgil taught him that expression). He flaunts his beauty over everyone else's, strutting like the prettiest peacock in the flock. Sure, he's good looking, but the same level of good looking as all the other sides.

"You're all so handsome. But not as handsome as me." Logan recalls him saying in an episode.

He tries to use it to one-up the other's, even though they all know they look the same. He also enjoys flaunting his ego, attempting to emulate a lifestyle of the rich and famous when he feels like it.

It's rather ridiculous.

"You think he's good-looking?" Remus coos.

Logan glares, and changes the slide of the presentation.

2. He fights everyone all the time. (Except for Patton)

It seems that Roman has made the most rivals out of everyone.

He's rivals with his brother, he's got a rivalry with Janus but with more betrayal behind it, he's got his past rivalry with Virgil, even though now they're the closest friends, and despite making up several times, Logan is also his rival. Patton seems to be fine, despite their post-wedding event. Logan believes Roman is too worried of defending what he believes in against the literal embodiment of Thomas's morality.

"So, you two have tried making up, but have you considered... Making out???" Remus pitches, his smile all teeth.

Logan sputters a bit. "Puh- Wha- I don't think that would work."

Logan has in fact not thought of making out with Roman, thank you very much. Not even when they're so close, passionately arguing about who-knows-what in the spur of the moment, where it would be so easy to move just a little bit closer and connect his lips to the soft pink ones of the prince.

He has not thought about making out with Roman, because he does not have a crush on him. Period. End of story.

The two of them argue a lot. Whether it's how Thomas should spend his day, to the Chicken or the Egg dilemma (Logan knows he's right, by the way, Roman just won't see that the egg came first), to the ideal temperature for a heating pillow, to the best Crofter's flavor. They can range from productive, to stupid, and by the end of it they may just be fighting about nothing at all.

They jab at each other, come up with clever arguments, and although they're technically fighting, it sometimes feels more like a duel.

"Or a mating ritual." Virgil says under his breath.

"These points don't sound very negative." Janus adds, twirling some of his hair with his finger.

"It is negative. We fight a lot. He fights people a lot. Every issue seems to be a battle to him that he can outmatch, despite being better suited as a civil discussion." Logan stands taller, trying to defend his point.

"Well, that makes sense. I understand this point now. Go on." Janus waves his gloved hand in a dismissive gesture.

"Alright." Logan clicks his presenter button, and the slide changes.

3. He's loud. Super loud. All the time.

From singing to dancing to bantering, there never does seem to be a dull moment when Roman is around. Some may call it nice, but Logan would say that's a very polite description. It certainly isn't nice when Logan's trying to get work done, or watch a movie, or enjoy a peaceful breakfast, or most of the time really.

Logan has stopped working outside when he's trying to be productive because Roman will, without fail, come in singing, and then start a little fight with Logan that distracts him from his work and renders him unproductive for a long time because all he can think about is Roman.

"Hm... Wonder why that is." Janus interrupts, rolling his eyes.

"Well, you don't need to wonder. I said it was because of our fighting." Logan nervously adjusts his already immaculately placed glasses, resuming his point to his slide presentation.

It's odd, because sometimes even without leaving his room, he can still hear the sounds of Roman's voice in his head. He theorizes the absence of all that noise is making him subconsciously fill it in ( even though his mind also provides him with clear images of Roman's smile).

He can't escape the noise on movie nights. Roman will sing along to any song, scream at the most poorly-timed jumpscares, and no matter what, criticize the movie. Logan does participate in that last step from time to time.

During dinners, it depends. Sometimes, Roman will come in and do his thing, sometimes he'll make a dramatic entrance, grab a plate and then go off to work on something, and sometimes he won't show up at all, off on a quest in the imagination. Those particular meals are peaceful. Sometimes they feel empty, but so far, no one else has complained. Especially considering with Remus' and Janus' seats added to the table, dinner can be a wild event.

Sometimes, when Logan gets lonely, he'll bring his work outside. Every time, he can guarantee that Roman will be there eventually. He provides a healthy distraction, and he always feels much lighter after a bantering session.

But most of the time, he just can't stand it. How can one be so flamboyant for so many hours of the day? Logan had theorized it had something to do with overcompensation, his need for validation and attention, but then thought it was strange theorizing about his friends and went back to work.

Overall, not the worst trait, but it being applied to every scenario adds to the fact that he is infuriating.

"Hold on, can we circle back to the part where you said you thought of him smiling-" Virgil begins, only to be interrupted by Logan pointing his pointer at him.

"No, we will not. Next point."

4. He makes up stupid nicknames.

And he makes a lot of them. Even during serious talks, you'd think he had forgotten your name and was too scared to ask, so he supplies an abundance of back-ups to make you feel special. And they are quite varied, though all slightly jabbing. There are play-on-words, references thrown about... It would have impressed Logan, had all of his designated nicknames not revolved around him being a nerd.

"Hey Microsoft Turd."

"I need your help, Egghead."

"Listen here, Erlenmeyer Trash-"

"Calculator Watch."

"Oh Book Geeeerm~"

"Sure thing Specs."

Logan actually didn't mind specs, but his point still stands. All insulting, clever, but still stupid nicknames. Sometimes, he wonders if Roman keeps a book of them around. Somewhere in his room, filled with all the names he'll unleash onto his unsuspecting companions. Logan may have tried to come up with a list of his own in retaliation, but he couldn't think of anything Roman would think was clever. He spent almost a full night on it, hair a mess, glasses askew, head resting on his desk as he tried to come up with something at least remotely good enough. It interrupted his perfect circadian rhythm. Never again.

Except for the next night, where he tried the exact same stunt again, but that doesn't matter.

What does, is that all of those factors cause aggravation. He always feels weird when Roman gives him a nickname, varying from annoyance to a strange tingling.

"Are you saying he should stop?" Virgil interrupts, frustrated. "This point is going nowhere."

"I-" He's not sure. Although some of the insults are quite jabbing, Logan does want to support Roman's creative process. Not to mention, the nickname ‘specs’ oddly does hold a place in his heart.

"OoOoOoohhh, I have an idea!" Remus cackles. Although Logan is hesitant, he gestures to continue. "Okay, so pinky swear I won't try anything on you, but just close your eyes, and imagine how this nickname would make you feel if Roman said it."

Logan apprehensively closes his eyes, and Remus does nothing but lean slightly forward in his seat, and puts on his best Roman impression. Which is pretty good, considering they're twin brothers.

"How are you today, my love?"

Immediately, Logan flushes bright red from head to toe, covering his face in his hands and squirms. Remus's cackling intensifies by a tenfold, and the other two are poorly failing to contain their laughter.

"That's- That's- That's... N-not a nickname. Th-That's a p-pet name."

"Awww, but you're blushiiiing!" Remus squeals in amusement.

"Falsehood. N-no." Logan says, not enough bite in it to hold value. "We are going to move on now. That just... caught me off guard." He says, adjusting his tie several times, trying to compose himself. "The point is, his nicknames are stupid, and I don't like them- No, don't look at me like that Remus even that one- so it adds to his infuriating nature." Logan grabs the presentation button and clicks it aggressively to the next slide.

"And now, for my concluding point."

5. He is incredibly and willingly dumb.

Sometimes Logan thinks he wouldn't be surprised by the illogical things Roman would say. And then he gets proven incredibly wrong.

"Much like your... 'illogical feelings', mayhaps?" Janus drawls.

Shush, Logan is talking.

Granted, both Creativity twins have proven to be rather illogical, as they are embodiments of creativity, a force that knows only slight bounds to logic. Only with a defying mind can people push boundaries in the advancement of society. That doesn't mean however that those defying minds need to be intelligent.

"I believe Virgil specifically had called Roman a.." He takes out his special cards, flipping through them. " 'A Himbo'. Judging from his past and present behaviors and from the definition itself, it is safe to assume that yes, he is in fact a Himbo."

One instance he can remember is during a picnic in the imagination. It was Patton's birthday, and Roman wanted to do something special, so he set up a picnic for them all to attend. Logan doesn't enjoy visiting the imagination as much, as when he's there, things become more realistic and that makes him feel like a burden. Regardless, it was for Patton's birthday, and so he decided it would be polite to come along.

Everyone was guided by a trail of flowers to an opening in the forest, where a giant picnic blanket was laid out, pillows thrown around, and a large picnic basket stood in the center. There were many balloons of pastel pink and blue tied around, and the birds were chirping in a joint melody. It sounds almost like Happy Birthday.

Logan, as he approaches, hopes that his influence won't cause ants to emerge, because although that would be realistic, it would also be quite the nuisance.

He and the other's are just dressed in their usual attire, but as Roman emerges from the trees, he is wearing a shiny red party hat to go along with his prince outfit.

Roman immediately goes to serenading Patton and placing a party hat on top of his head, light blue with a little pompom on the top. He ushers him to sit on one of the largest pillows, and then goes around giving everyone else party hats. Logan stills when Roman gets to him last, a dark blue party hat with little stars in his hand.

"Do I have to wear that?" He asks. Although, sure, it does look nice, he doesn't want to seem ridiculous.

"Come on, you're in good company. Please? For Patton?" Roman bats his eyelashes at Logan, who sighs and lets him put the party hat onto his head.

Roman runs off to the birthday boy, and they all sit down. The time passes peacefully, songs being sung and Roman releasing a horde of puppies to the joy of the guests. By the time the food is out, everything seems to be going well, until they're all eating, and Roman pulls out an orange. As he's about to peel it, Logan speaks up.

"Roman, I would advise against that." Which may sound ridiculous to most people, but Logan is an expert on many logical things. ( Orange peels have a flammable liquid in them called limonene, and as both it and a balloon, made of latex, are non-polar, the liquid can dissolve the balloon, thus causing it to explode.)

"Against what?" Roman asks, but he does stop his attempt.

Logan adjusts his glasses, ready to explain. "Eating an orange near a balloon. As I cause the imagination to become more logical, doing so will most likely cause-"

"Oh puh-lease! I'm sure whatever wacky science things you're going to say don't actually work here! I mean, there is plenty of influence to go arou-" Roman, the spiteful side he is, gets even closer to the balloon, starting to peel it. Lo-and-behold, he can't finish his denying before the balloon right beside him explodes with a loud POP. The sound sends him jumping back in fear, screeching to the nine hells, and then falling backwards onto another balloon, scaring him again. Several sides laughed out loud at his pain, while Patton watched him, worried. Logan smiled internally at the karma, before getting up and making sure he was okay.

Roman did spend the rest of the party in a sulky mood, but the party was still a huge success. They had some good food, and while Logan made Patton a flower crown, he fed him forfulls of cake. It was a nice bonding moment. When everyone separated to return to the mindscape, Roman waved them all off from the imagination door. Logan turns back to look at him, but Roman makes no move to follow them all out.

"You're not coming back yet?" Logan asks, adjusting his glasses.

Roman sighs. "No, not yet. I'm afraid this dashing prince has a little bit of cleaning to do. And perhaps an adventure. You never know." He leans on the doorframe, smiling.

"Well, that is correct. I in fact do not know what you'll be doing." Logan nods to himself. "Do you need any help cleaning? I doubt I'll be much help with the adventure, but I do have hands." He gestures to his hands.

Roman looks quite surprised. "Oh, thanks for the offer, specs. I think I've got it all covered though."

Logan offers a hesitant smile. "Alright then. Let me know if that changes."

Roman quickly smiles back, a faint pink dusting his cheeks, and turns back into the imagination and shutting the door. Logan stands there for a moment, but not sure why. It's clear that Roman was not feeling all that great from the balloon moment. Even Logan, terrible at deciphering emotions, can tell that much. Perhaps he needs to let off some steam.

He just can't understand Roman most of the time. They do have so many similarities, being too proud for their own good, but it's almost like they're in two separate worlds. Logan, the learner he is, wishes he could explore Roman's own. Understand it. Understand him, and his way of thinking. Even though Roman is mostly dumb, he does make good points, and Logan tries to prioritize his input, as it's usually what Thomas is hoping and dreaming for as well.

~~~

The last slide shines back at them all. A concluding statement that makes the three watching sides snicker a little bit.

"And I believe he just doesn't understand how much we all think he's great. I swear, he's just so dense! It's so aggravating! How can he not tell that he's worth everything? Why doesn't he understand that we all care for him? That I care for him? He's wonderful, for god's sake! And that I don't mean to hurt him with my critiques. I want him to thrive! I-"

Everything stops. Logan takes a moment of silence. The three sides look at him, each with different degrees of anticipation. One looks pretty much ready to pounce out of his seat.

"...Oh."

And all at once, everything gets strung back into motion. Confetti literally falls from the ceiling as Remus jumps for joy, circling a very mortified looking Logan. Janus, the tired soul, rolls his eyes and lets out a slow, long clap. Virgil just rests his head in his arms.

"I can't believe this. You sit us all down for a presentation you probably double-checked and proofread, like a nerd, and only NOW you realize you were wrong all along? Why didn't you say anything, snake-face?" Virgil complains, sitting up just to glare at him.

"Wo-ow, it isn't as if I was saying that this whole time? No, it couldn't be." Janus deadpans, sarcasm spilling from his mouth like an old, worn, broken dam.

Logan doesn't move from his stand-still spot beside the projector, but Remus manages to bounce in circles around him, cooing. "Lo-lo's got a cruuuush! A crushy crush! A crushed crust of a crush! A crevice cracking ‘cause of the crushed crust-" He was going to continue, throwing expired banana peels around to substitute rose petals, until the sound of the door opening catches everyone's attention.

"Hey losers, Patton wanted to know if you-" Lo and behold, Roman walks in, regal as ever, smiling until he takes in the sight before him. The boring classroom look, contrasted by the amount of confetti that stopped falling as soon as he walked in. Janus and Virgil, wide-eyed and looking at him, completely still. Remus, caught mid dance, frozen in place with a smile. Logan, looking at him in the way one may look milliseconds after being caught stealing government secrets. Roman's eyes flicker to each of them, before settling on the projector.

"Roman. I-I can explain-" Logan starts, but Roman is already reading the words on the screen.

"... 'In short, he saddles me with unnecessary... feelings'? 'Unease, and uncertainty'? Who... Oh my god! Logan!" Roman looks at him, smiling in disbelief and amazement. "I know what this meanssss!" Filled with giddy delight, he sidesteps the table.

Logan gulps as Roman approaches, turning beet red as Roman takes his hands in his two own. "Y-Yes?" He practically squeaks as Roman looks him right in the eyes.

"Yes! Ohhh, this is so exciting!" The three bystanders watch, once again in anticipation, as Roman swings their interlocked hands.

"Yes?" Logan offers a small, tentative smile.

"You have a crush on someoooone! Oh Logan, you should've told me!" Roman smiles, completely oblivious to the internal facepalm of several present members.

"I-I'm sorry..." Logan looks down, slightly disappointed but still too flustered to say anything.

"God save the dense." Janus mutters, inspecting his gloves fingers.

"Don't be sorry! Come, we must make plans! I shall be your matchmaker! This is going to be perfeeeect!" Roman, sings, dancing out of the room and dragging Logan along by their still intertwined hands. The other sides watch them go.

After a moment of processing, Virgil sighs. "Well, I thought that was going to be resolved. Turns out they're both as dense as... dense people." He can't seem to think of any other similes.

"Welp, I'm just happy that they're one step closer to getting. it. on. romantically." Remus punctuates every word with some rather immature hand gestures. “And that they stop dancing around each other.”

"Who do you think Roman thinks Logan has a crush on?" Virgil asks, cogs turning in his brain.

Janus lounges backwards. "Well, let's see... Soooo many options. Either he thinks it's someone outside of Thomas's head, or the simple answer..."

Remus and Virgil both look at him, both with looks of realization.

"Patton."

~~~

[pinkysfaultorbrainsfault]

animaniacs - s1e44: the world can wait

episode summary: brain puts off his plan of taking over the world so he can try to pick up a girl mouse he met and instantly fell in love with for some reason.

there’s no plan in this episode, but it’s funny, so it goes here anyway.

the rundown:

we open with pinky bothering brain about how they’re going to take over the world tonight. his initial plan is to “trap them in super sticky chewing gum”, which i’m not entirely convinced by, but as we learn later pinky kind of has a knack for this sort of thing, so i’m willing to go with it if they are.

but no! apparently not. pinky’s next suggestion is “how about we wrestle the president?” before suplexing himself. shame this episode was made in the 90s, huh. keep that energy for the 2020 reboot please, pinky.

zort.

yet another refusal has pinky worried. as he questions “but gee, brain, we are going to take over the world, aren’t we?” brain replies with the unthinkable.

“not tonight, pinky. the world can wait.”

“egad, brain. are you feeling alright?”

turns out that brain is putting off his plans for world conquest for more noble, heterosexual persuits - namely, a girl mouse who lives in a cage on the opposite shelf. pinky finds the prospect of brain being into anyone completely fucking hilarious, apparently, and makes fun of him in the background as brain witters on about his new waifu.

“she is of simple folk, fair and true.” “you mean she’s stupid?” “a bit.” mean. pinky keeps negging brain about it until he gets bonked on the head for his troubles, and then brain puts on a fancy jacket and drags pinky off to be his wingman.

isn’t he cute?

but anyway, here comes billie. apparently she lives in this sparse, empty cage by herself, which you’re really not supposed to do with female mice. they need companions otherwise they get lonely and actually you’re not supposed to keep male mice together either.....

.............................................................................................

everyone in this show is trans.

ok that was half a joke. undeterred, brain goes off to harass his Fair Damsel.

“i, my lady, am the brain,” he says, introducing himself without his fedora, for a change. “we met together in the maze.”

“oh yeah. i remember you. egghead.” what the fuck is her accent?? new york?? i’m genuinely lost. this is not a voice normal people have.

pinky thinks this is hilarious, and agrees enthustically that brain is, in fact, Egg Head, so brain bonks him over the head with a baseball bat he found somewhere. undeterred, he moves onto presenting billie with a “precious, simple gift.”

“it’s an actual working mockup of the betatron particle accelerator.”

that’s... cute, brain. not entirely sure what she’s going to do with a particle accelerator in her otherwise totally empty cage, but he’s trying! and that’s what matters.

“it kinda looks like a--”

“BIG METAL DONUT.”

HAHAHEHEHAHAHA.

“yeah, like a big metal donut. say, egghead? who’s your friend? he’s funny.”

oh dear.

oh dear. this date has been going for like two minutes and already, brain is getting cucked. still, he introduces pinky, out of politeness.

and then he decides “fuck that” and puts him in the particle accelerator and spins him away.

which is just kind of mean, honestly.

“aw, i like him.” “pinky? but he’s barely verbal.”

“well pardon me, mr egghead, but i happen to like that. goodnight.”

ouch. brain tries to change her mind, and has all of two seconds to do that before pinky bonks him off the shelf.

if you love me let me go, etc.

cut to back in the cage, where pinky is bandaging brain’s head. he must have bonked it on his fall, which is very sad. pinky seems otherwise unharmed, and is bullying brain over how the previous three minutes or so of the short went. “i think she likes you!” he chortles, amidst brain’s protests. haha, narf.

“no, pinky, the fact of the matter is, she likes you.” “but brain, i’ve already got a girlfriend.”

“pinky. you are a mouse. that is a horse.”

still, unconventional taste in partners aside (and how cute it is that he has a little picture of fignewton by their bed!) brain eventually figures out that in order to win billie’s heart, he should ask pinky what he would say to woo her. this obviously goes about as well as one would expect.

ok i wasn’t going to talk about this but when he gets there billie is like “who’s there? pinky? is that you pinky?” and brain makes this face.

“no.”

which i thought was very funny.

billie is less enthused by this particular mouse, until he starts saying some completely nonsensical shit, to which she is instantly on board.

“please, call me eggy. n. narf.”

“now, tell her-- poit-- i like your toenails.”

thanks! i got them from the president.

brain goes above and beyond, also mentioning that her head looks like a “really clean carrot”-- yknow what, i really don’t think these were serious suggestions from pinky. i think he was just being a dick. but it works! billie is swayed.

“i guess i got you pegged all wrong. why don’t you come up here? i like you.”

hee hee.

conclusion:

alas, unfortunately, brain never gets the opportunity to get pegged correctly, this time. hoo hoo. at that exact moment a bunch of scientists show up. despite complaining that they’re “going to be late for bowling”, homeboy needs to electrocute a mouse right now, immediately, so he goes ahead and does that.

the boys do their best! unfortunately, they don’t quite get there in time to stop this from happening.

(at this point brain gives off the most unconvincing “oh no, we’re too late” that i have perhaps ever heard, but i don’t blame maurice for that, because i understand it must be hard to make drunk orson welles sound sympathetic. hrrraaarrrgh. french excellence.)

still, he does seem genuinely concerned. “billie, are you alright?”

“eggy?” she asks, on the verge of death. “is that you, eggy?” brain confirms that he is, in fact, Eggy, and she goes in for a hug.

“oh, eggy. i thought the electro-polarity had altered the reticular formation in my medulla oblongata.”

oh no.

“egad, brain,” says pinky, who is bad at helping. “she’s probably even smarter than you.”

oh no indeed.

so.... yeah. turns out she is. she even makes a habit of correcting brain’s formula. as brain has a small breakdown over the fact that he’s been obsessing over that for the past five months... um. actually, that’s like... ~17 years to a mouse, give or take. how old are these guys??? what did acme do to them?

brain makes this face.

and then leaves.

“but brain! oh, so you don’t love her any more just because she’s smarter than you?” you can’t really see it in this screencap, but pinky does look genuinely concerned. good on him for calling out this fuckboy behaviour! absolutely appalling. you’re definitely not getting pegged with that attitude, brain. work on yourself.

“oh, i do love her, pinky. i do. but i must quickly go develop a plan so that we can take over the world.”

“why.”

“because if i don’t, she may beat us to it.”

so, theoretically, the tally stays the same. nothing happened in this episode. there was no plan. it was just brain being straight for seven minutes or so.

brain: 3 pinky: 3 outside influence: 5

but billie also gets a fair few points for not pegging brain while she had the chance, so there’s that.

billie: however many points that is

this has been another

useless review.

[bottlecaprabbitgames]

Character Narrative #1, Blake Gautier: The Fly in the Ointment

I do not have a moodboard made for this yet, but I hope the narrative itself is interesting enough to pique your interest!!

==========

Blake frowns as he watches the dusky sky, bats flittering through the air as their time of feasting begins. His frown steadily becomes a grimace as the stitches in his side pull with each breath.

"You need to stop getting into so many fights, mi bebito," Sienna scolds as she deftly sews up the burning stab wound in his side. When he lets out a whiny hiss with a particularly stubborn stitch, the wizened woman snorts daintily. "Dios mío, you're such a baby. If you no can take the pain, you no need to get into fights that cause it."

"It wasn't that simple," he grumbles irritatedly. "The jackass was harrassin' some girl down from the uni. She was 'fraid of him, and I-"

"Couldn't stand to see a hijo de puta do such a thing," she finishes with a wry tone. "Well, I suppose I can let such a move pass for that. But I know your maman taught you to fight, so how did you manage this?"

"Guy's friend."

"Ahh, of course. Trouble's company."

Blake shakes away the flashed memory, but makes a note to buy the old crone some old scotch if he can find it.

Or take it. Whichever works.

His attention is drawn from the gravel under his boots to a high-dollar, customized blazing red Hybusa bike spitting up to him. It slides to a stop only a mere foot from him, the rider's body and head covered in biker leathers and a visored, flamed helmet. Based on the bike, ungodly height and cursing coming from them, he knows exactly who it is, and it makes a smirk slant his lips. He watches as they turn the bike off and remove the helmet, letting loose a mop of unruly, greying shit brown curls.

"Someone still hasn't put you in the ground yet, you old bastard?" Blakes jeers cheerily, making sure to flash his teeth as he speaks. The rider lets out a great snort, before giving a sarcastic, mocking smile.

"Oh, not for lack of trying, old boy," comes the man's strongly Irish accent, along with a flare in his blue-green eyes. "Seems they still haven't figured out a way to put me down like the dog they think me to be."

"Ah, there's always room for hope," Blake sighs with an air of disappointment, but it's ruined by the stupid grin trying to work its way onto his lips. The man scoffs and swings his leg from around the bike, dusts off his jacket, and approaches with a slightly limping gait, one Blake's hazel eyes don't miss. "Your leg still ain't fixed?"

"Nay," the man hisses bitterly, "damn ferjin venom. Stoppin' the muscle graft from takin' properly still."

"Damn," Blake whistles sympathetically; his arm still hasn't felt the same since that fight too, to be fair. "And the eggheads still haven't found a cure or som'mat?"

"Nay, there's been mo' trouble with'at group of rogues movin' through Liverpool at the moment. With ferjinos still bein' all newfound and whatnot, the techies still haven't had time t' look them all over with so much chaos."

"Ah, well, shit." The conversation drops for a spill as the older man leans against the wall next to Blake, both looking right in place at The Devil's Falls bar, it being a popular spot in the supernatural city located just outside of Treeport, Louisiana. The brick wall tugs at Blake's hair and neck uncomfortably, but the inside was too crowded.

And, well, with the viila dancers coming out on stage soon, it was only going to get rowdy enough to bust some ear drums.

"Owens is still interested in you joining us, y'know," the man says breezily, but the squashed look of his lips betrays his feelings on the matter.

"Is he?" Blake responds lamely; decisions, decisions. Blake was always shit when it came to making the most important fucking decisions. The ones that have the longest and most impact.

"You know good'n well he is. With your abilities and willingness to work hard to get shit done? Of course he is." He sighs, then pulls out a flask and unscrews the top. Blake's nose crinkles in distaste as purple smoke issues from it, and he nearly gags as an acrid, rotten eggs smell hits his nose.

"What in the hell is that nasty bullshit?!" he yells in offense, stumbling away with his fingers clenched around his nose. The man throws him a real nasty look before taking a drink with a face of revulsion, and he shivers violently as he swallows it.

"I, smartarse, unlike you do not have super special healin' abilities, so I get to drink this shite for the next couple of days still to take care of whate'er venom is left over." He re-lids the flask and tucks it away, then gives Blake a withering look. "You's a damn big baby, y'know that?"

"Shuddit," Blake snarls, his face still a little green. The man laughs, his teeth clenching a bit in thought.

"Have you decided yet?" His face immediately shifts into something more somber, serious. Blake shifts under the piercing gaze, trying to not look like he's guilty of something.

"No. No I haven't."

"Y'need to, aye," the man sighs quietly, looking skyward. "You need to take care of the other little issue, and high-tail it to us. I doubt your… brothers would take kindly to you joining us."

"No," Blake agrees almost silently, almost like he's talking to himself, "no, they won't."

"Don't let them dictate what you do any longer than necessary," the man warns. "The pack's going downhill, fast. You don't want to be caught up in it when they finally hit the bottom."

"I know. I know." Blake kicks the brick wall in frustration, rubbing the back of his neck near harshly. He jumps when his watch begins beeping with his alarm, then curses. "I have to head back, Seamus. I'll see you soon."

"Let's hope, old boy, let's hope so." The older man claps him on his back once, before both turn to get on their bikes.

An anxious, clawlike snare wraps around Blake's stomach. If he leaves, things won't be pretty. Not for him, not for his maman, not for his sister. But… but they'll have protection, or so Owens promised. It'll be much worse if I'm still around when they finally toe the line too far and become rogues, he reminds himself. There won't be any escaping them. Or anyone else.

It looks like he may have his answer, after all. But, as he rides home to talk to his remaining family, his usually keen eyes miss the glittering, predatory yellow ones peering out from the woods next to the bar.

He misses the fly in the ointment, the spy that'll help cement his decision in more ways than he could have ever thought imaginable.

[snarkybluechristian]

Hazbin Hotel: Satan’s Plan Part 4

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When Sir Pentious woke up, his body felt heavy.  He looked down to see his Egg Bois snuggled and sleeping against him.  He hissed in annoyance and instantly slithered out from under them causing them to fall off the bed.

“Ow…Hey!” the Egg Bois exclaimed as they fell off the bed.  

“Oh, good morning, boss!” one of the Egg Bois said.

“Why on earth were you sleeping on me?” Sir Pentious asked.  “Do you eggheads know nothing of personal space?”

“Sorry, boss,” the Egg Boi said.  “The noises from upstairs kept scaring us.  It got really loud.”

“Yeah,” another Egg Boi said fearfully.  “There was so much thumping and growling.  I don’t know how you slept through it.”

Sir Pentious shuddered in both fear and disgust and tried to put the woman out of his mind.  

“Alright,” he said.  “Well, it’s over now.  Everyone who’s not going with me, go prepare the three of us some breakfast while we get ready to leave.  I would like to enjoy a meal in peace and quiet if that’s possible.”

An already-dressed Egg Boi said, “Don’t worry.  We already made you breakfast, boss.”

“Yeah,” another dressed Egg Boi said.  “We made your favorite.  Buttered pancakes with coffee and a side of grapes.”

“Excellent,” Sir Pentious said his mouth already watering.

Once he got himself ready for the day, Sir Pentious and his Egg Bois made their way to the dining room.  Unfortunately, when they got there, they saw the rosy-cheeked Devil eating the last of the pancakes from Sir Pentious’ plate.

“Delicious,” Satan said noticing Sir Pentious’ presence.  “You know, your minions may be terrible at taking orders, but they make a fantastic breakfast.”

“Hey, that was the boss’s breakfast!” one of the Egg Bois protested as he climbed on the table and ran over to Satan.

“Is that so?” Satan asked playfully as he moved his face closer to the Egg Boi’s.  “Well, to make it up to him, I’ll make him something else to eat.  How about it, Sir Pentious?  How do you like your EGGS?”  

The Egg Boi whimpered before he ran back behind his boss and trembled.  

“It’s fine,” Sir Pentious lied.  “I’m not hungry anyway.”

“Don’t worry,” Satan replied tossing the bowl of grapes to Sir Pentious.  “You can have the grapes.  I don’t like that organic trash.  It reminds me of our Father.”

Sir Pentious held the grape bowl in his hands and hissed under his breath trying desperately not to lose his temper in front of the King of Hell.

“You wouldn’t believe the good time I had last night,” Satan bragged while getting up from his chair.  “I showed Delilah my true strength and she handled it pretty well up until she passed out from exhaustion.  It was amazing considering I’m much stronger than Samson was.  I honestly wish I could bring him down here to make a true comparison.”  

Satan chuckled to himself while adjusting his hat and said, “Anyways, I’m off.  Thanks again for your hospitality, Sir Pentious.  I’ll be leaving my whore here with you.”

“Where are you going?” Sir Pentious asked raising an eyebrow.

“I can’t leave my wife wondering,” Satan said as he walked past Sir Pentious and the Egg Bois who scrambled to get out of his way.  “I also have other business to attend to.  You just worry about getting into that hotel by the end of the week.  Do not let my daughter find out about our agreement or I guarantee you a place in the 9th circle at the dry ice lounge.”

Sir Pentious just stared and gulped as the Devil turned around and smiled.

“You know, I’m feeling generous,” Satan said.  “So, I’ll allow you to have a spin with Delilah before you go.  Just make sure you use protection…”

The Devil pointed his staff at Sir Pentious and threatened sadistically, “If you get my whore pregnant, I’ll happily rip it out and make you devour it.”

One Egg Boi gagged while the other one fainted.  

“Well then, have a nice day,” Satan said before finally teleporting away.

When the Devil had finally gone, the fainted Egg Boi woke up and the two of them went to their plates to eat their breakfasts while Sir Pentious stood there and mumbled under his breath, “Like I would ever have kids.”

“Hey, boss,” one of the Egg Bois said.  “You can eat my pancakes.”

Sir Pentious nodded and slithered over to his place at the table.  After eating a few pancakes, drinking his coffee, and finishing off his grapes, the snake demon found that he was full and that he was hungry for something else.  

Sir Pentious pushed his plate back to the Egg Bois, tightened his bow tie, and emerged from the chair.  

“Where are you going, boss?” the Egg Boi asked.  “Don’t you want your food?”

“You two can share it,” Sir Pentious said.  “Do we have everything we need?”

“Yes, sir,” the other Egg Boi said.  “We’re ready to go.”

“Good, take your time eating, Bois,” Sir Pentious said putting his hat on his chair, unbuttoning his coat, and loosening his bow tie.  “I’m going to spoil myself for a bit.”

As Sir Pentious slithered closer to his room, his animal instincts started to kick in and he began to drool with lust.  When he saw his door was open, Sir Pentious quietly slithered in, but as he gazed upon the woman sitting on the side of his bed, his lust faded away into concern.

The bedroom was a mess of sheets and feathers with furniture randomly toppled over.  The room smelled of sweat and tears.  Delilah was naked sitting on the edge of the bed and hugging her knees while quietly sniffling.  

Any lust Sir Pentious had left disappeared when he noticed three long scratches going down Delilah’s back.  It made him feel remorseful and guilty, two things he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Sir Pentious tried silently slithering in to get a closer look, but the floor creaked underneath him.

“Who’s there?” Delilah asked fearfully as she unleashed her talons and looked over her shoulder.

Sir Pentious slithered closer and said, “Don’t worry, Delilah.  It’s only me.  I’m not going to hurt you.  Satan left, so I just wanted to see if you were alright.”

Sir Pentious twitched nervously.  Delilah clearly wasn’t alright.  What a stupid thing to ask…

Delilah smiled sadly and said, “Well, for now.”

Sir Pentious looked down and noticed that his coat was still hanging open.  

His face flashed in embarrassment as he turned around and said, “Oh, um, please forgive my unkempt appearance.  I…I normally look better than this…”

As Sir Pentious finished buttoning up his coat, he noticed two black pieces of shredded lingerie lying on the ground.  

His face flushed as he picked up the pieces and slithered over to lay them on the bed next to Delilah.

“I believe this belongs to you,” Sir Pentious said nervously laying the articles of clothing next to her.

“No, it belongs to Satan,” Delilah said scornfully.  “He ripped apart my other clothes and forced me to wear it while he…”

A shudder went through Delilah’s traumatized body as she started trembling again.  

Sir Pentious looked around until he found a thin blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders.  He got a glimpse of her nakedness and turned away to give her some privacy.  

“Do you have any clothing I could wear?” Delilah asked.  

“Uh, yes, I mean, they were for someone else, but I suppose there’s no reason you couldn’t have…” Sir Pentious said stumbling through his words for a second.  “Yes, the answer is yes.”

Delilah giggled a little bit, and Sir Pentious looked away in embarrassment.  

“It’s not what you would consider ‘in style,’ but it will have to do,” Sir Pentous said sternly.  “Is that acceptable?”

“I’ve been dead for about 12,000 years,” Delilah said playfully.  “Do you think I know or care about what’s ‘in style?’”

“Do you want them or not?”

“Yes, I do.  Thank you.”

“Well, I do owe you for healing me, madame,” Sir Pentious said finally allowing himself to look her in the eyes.

“Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to use your shower…AGH!” Delilah said as she tried to stand up only to feel her waist cramp up.

“Are you alright?” Sir Pentious asked with concern as he slithered over to help her get back on the bed.  “What did he do to you?”

“The Devil was an animal,” Delilah whimpered painfully.  “I begged him to stop, but he just kept getting more aggressive.  It was terrifying.”

Sir Pentious used his tail to lift her onto the bed as he asked, “Why is he abusing you like this?  He already has a wife who’s as strong as he is.  At this rate, he’s going to cause you some significant internal damage.”

“He was punishing me for running away.  I’m his ‘new concubine’ he’s using to have his new child.”

“WHAT?!”

“It’s true.  The first time he tricked me into consenting, but I ran off when I realized he intended to keep me locked in his guest room like some kind of breeding sow.  He found me, he brought me here, I tried to fight him, and as punishment, he made the second time as horrible as he possibly could.  I don’t know how I haven’t conceived yet.”

“But why does the Devil want a new child?”

“He wants to replace Charlie with a child who’s more obedient.  I suppose it’s a Plan B to whatever he has you doing.  He tried to sleep with Lilith, but she refused him.”

“But do you want it?”

Delilah sighed, pulled back her hair revealing the bruises and deep bite marks on her neck, and said, “All I know is I have no choice.”  

“Oh, God,” Sir Pentious said recoiling in horror.  “I thought you were strong and invulnerable.”

Delilah sighed and said, “Only when I’m awake.  When I fall asleep, I’m as weak as anyone else.  Another punishment for what I did to Samson.  I kept going as long as I could, but eventually, I couldn’t stay awake anymore and that’s when he did the most damage…”

“Jesus Christ…”

“Like I said before, he’s using both of us now, and I’ve been around long enough to know that the only way we’ll endure it is if we rely on each other.  Besides, he told me that I’m not allowed to leave until you finish your mission at the hotel or until I conceive.  What choice do we have?”

“Well, you don’t have to be cooped up in my room,” Sir Pentious said.  “I mean, you can sleep here, but you can explore my home and go into any room you want.  The Egg Bois do most of the maintenance, but you can pick up their slack and make sure they don’t wreck the place while I’m gone, as long as you don’t aggravate your injuries, of course.  How does that sound?  Do we have a deal?”

Sir Pentious held out his hand.

Delilah smiled, shook his hand, and said, “Deal.  As long as you give me something to eat and let me use your shower.”

Sir Pentious sweated a bit at feeling her hand touch his, and as soon as she let go, he said, “Well, I’m off to infiltrate the hotel for ‘our king.’  I should be back within a few days.  I’ll tell the Egg Bois to get you everything you need.”

“I’m going to use the shower,” Delilah said standing up from the bed and walking towards the bathroom.

Sir Pentious couldn’t help looking at her and staring at her hips.  He gazed upon her as if he was in a trance.

Delilah looked back, smiled for a bit, and said, “Thank you,” before she shut the door and entered the shower.

When Sir Pentious came back to reality, he looked around disdainfully at how messy the Devil made his room.

“She was right about one thing,” Sir Pentious muttered to himself.  “Satan is an animal.  He’s a bloody pig.  Egg Bois!”

“Yes, boss,” said one of a group of Egg Bois that were standing in the hall.  “We weren’t eavesdropping on your conversation or anything…”

[bitchfromtheseventhhell]

happy belated birthday @madaboutasoiaf!!  

i don’t want a wife.  i want to be a knight of the kingsguard.

how many times had he said it growing up?  day in, day out, over and over again--a reaction to whenever daella asked who he would marry, her or rhae; a reaction to his cousins who all asked him what he could possibly want for himself since he was so far down in the line of succession that he couldn’t hope for even his father’s seat, much less the throne; a justification as good as any to make people understand why he had to travel the seven kingdoms at dunk’s side.  

he’d never been bookish like aemon, and he had no particular desire to join the faith, but he was quick and clever and not a bad hand with a sword and from what he’d been told that should be enough to earn him a white cloak.  i won’t be prince aemon the dragonknight, but it’s foolish to hope i would.  no one can be as good as prince aemon the dragonknight.  i just need to be better than most everyone else.

i want to be a knight of the kingsguard.

“you’re young,” his father had told him when he’d declared he never wanted to marry.  “let yourself be young, but don’t pretend you shall always be young.  that is folly.”

but aegon had been convinced that he’d never wish to marry.  his travels with dunk only solidified that he wanted to be a knight, for ser duncan was a true knight, and a good one.  he did his best to serve, and that’s what aegon wanted too--to serve, to do his best, to protect those in need.  he didn’t need a wife for that--he needed spurs and a targaryen name, and he already had one of those.

i don’t want a wife. 

he met her first when he was nine and she was very annoying.  she always had her hands on her hips and was bossing him around and telling him he was stupid because that’s not how things were done at raventree hall.  they’d argued, and dunk had laughed and said if she’d been a boy they’d have been wrestling in the dirt, but that you couldn’t wrestle in the dirt with little girls--much less noble little girls, especially if you were a targaryen pretending you weren’t a targaryen.

it’s lord bloodraven’s blood.  he was born of a blackwood, after all, he’d convinced himself heatedly when they were riding away from raventree hall.  betha hadn’t apologized for how she’d treated him--not really.  “forgive me, prince aegon, but you were being stupid,” she’d said, arms crossed over her chest.  but if it was lord bloodraven’s blood, that much aegon had not seen when betha blackwood had arrived at court, for lord bloodraven barely acknowledged her presence.  

“lady betha.” aegon bowed slightly.  “welcome to court.”

“my prince,” she said, and her voice was rich and musical and when she swept her skirts in a curtsey and smiled at him something was different.  it was a cheeky smile, now.  the smile of a woman who had known him for a stupid boy but had seen that he’d grown.  “you have hair now.”

aegon felt his lips part in surprise.  he had half a mind to parrot her words back to her, that’s not how things are done in king’s landing, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to.  he doesn’t like how things are done in king’s landing, the way no one seems to care about anything but themselves.  he found himself blinking, for betha had cared--she’d cared for the smallfolk, and cared that ser arlan who’d knighted dunk was properly commemorated in pennytree even when no one else had.  instead he said, “i do.  i’ve had hair these past five years.”

“it suits you,” she said smiling.  “though i was fond of your egghead.”

“fond?”

“in memory.  easier to remember stupid egg than that i’d called prince aegon stupid.  for you were stupid.  very stupid.”  she was smiling still, and her lips were quite pink and her head was cocked ever so slightly to the side, like a dog’s and aegon only noticed that he was doing it too when his hand rose unconsciously to his hair to pull at one of his curls.

“aren’t we all stupid when we’re young?” let yourself be young, but don’t pretend you shall always be young.  that is folly.  

“oh i never was,” betha replied airily.  “you were stupid enough for both of us.  but that was what i liked about you--that you were so very stupid.”

“you liked something about me?” he asked.  he’d meant it to sound dry, uncaring but it hadn’t quite worked and her eyes flickered and the easy air that she’d been speaking with seemed to slip.  she seemed younger, suddenly, nervous.

“oh yes.  yes, i think i did.  you cared.”  she looked about the hall.  no one was paying attention to the two of them.  no one ever paid attention to aegon except dunk.  why should they? he’d never sit the throne, and would like as not never even marry.  i want to be a knight of the kingsguard.  why did it feel more like he was trying to convince himself now?  

“i’m glad to see you,” betha said after a moment and she still looked young, and nervous.  “i know you may not believe me but...but i don’t know anyone at court except you and i fear not having a friend here.  melantha always described this place as more lonely than winterfell.”

aegon swallowed.  he could name every person at court, and the members of their house, and who they were feuding with, but he was quite sure the only friend he had here was dunk.  he’d never thought about it that way before.

“well so long as you promise to stop calling me stupid, i might be convinced to show you how things are done in king’s landing.”

betha rolled her eyes.  “i knew i’d be a lost cause.  you found the one thing i shall never be able to stop doing.  it’s habit by now.  i suppose it was too much to hope for a friend.”

and aegon laughed, and his laughter made betha laugh, and when she laughed her eyes sparkled.

[raving-writer-ramblings]

The text file for this was called Dust. Just some shit i found on my computer. Hope you enjoy!

Dust. Fucking Dust. It's god damned everywhere this side of the mountains. Reddish brown like the beast haulin my ass everywhere and damned dry. A stupid man or maybe even just an ignorant one'd end up bone dry and mummifying by whatever shoddy campsite they attempted out here. Course if I hadn't grown up knowin better I'd end up just like them, hell people I knew growin up had ended up like them. Lucky me though, I happened across an oasis a few days back and the water tanks in my saddle are full cause of it. Of course, having water wasn't the only threat in the badlands. Hell no. If that was my only worry I'd have just settled at an oasis till it run dry and then moved on. Nah the real trouble comes from the Growlers. Mean sons of bitches. All teeth, fur, and hate. Course you might think I’m exaggerating for effect but until you look into their striking blue eyes you wouldn't understand. Hell the growlers are so bad that a bandit attack will halt on the mere sight of em. Most growlers hesitate before leaping out at me though, and not because i'm special or nothin hell no. It has more to do with the beast strapped to my saddle. Thick fur, broad shoulders, powerful in build, and a head as big as a man with jaws to match. Nothing and nobody fucks with a beast like that, hell even I was wary when I got her and she was a baby then. She's called Mop although her species are known as Tylk to the egg heads that discovered them. Terrible name in my opinion, but who the hell cares. Well, other than me of course. At this point we'd been blazing the saddle for about three fourths of a sun cycling and it was getting to about the time where me and mop would have to bunker down for the dark cycle. As beautiful as the stars could be when the sun finally settles down across the horizon it got way too damned cold and the dark cycle took way too damn long. Course it is possible for Mop and me to keep moving during the dark cycle but I'd need blankets or some other covering to enclose the saddle. Not to mention the lengths I'd have to go to to make sure we have enough food to keep moving during a dark cycle. Damn. Maybe we're close enough to a town where we'd be able to rustle up supplies like that. I dunno if we can afford to press on if we aren't… but if we don't we could run out of time hunkered down for the night. Of course I'd ask Mop for her opinion but seeing as how her kind don't speak it'd be a pointless venture. Of course, being the overconfident bastard that I am I pressed forwards. Needless to say there weren't any towns close enough before darkness fell. Met a few growlers while setting up to hunker down but they weren't nothing to difficult with mop around. I got lucky. Everything in the dusty hellhole came down to luck eventually. Maybe the stars will align and I'll make it even though I hunkered down. Even if I don't, I hope the boy forgives me. I'm sure an egghead like him'd be able to make it. Damn me for being a fool. I hope he's doin fine without me. “Mop… you ever miss your family?”

“rrrrrr… hhhh… kkkk….”

“Yeah you're probly right… the boy'll be fine. He's his mother's kid.”