#me when i come out as ace | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gaoau · 1 year ago

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He Loves Me Not

Tasting sweet, tasting bitter. Is it his smile or their feelings?

pairing — Itadori Yuji x gn!reader word count — 1.7k

A humming microwave makes up for the playlist Yuuji forgot to set on loop. Hours of music faded into the chorus of crickets, but silence fails to find a proper place between them. [Name] swings their legs as they sit on the counter, stacks of dirty bowls and utensils pushed against the kitchen wall to make space for themself. Their heels bump occasionally against the cabinets and Yuuji chuckles every time they flinch. They worry about being quiet in the dead of the night while he hollers at the top of his lungs whenever he goes on a tangent.

He rambles about his new friends and adventures, twisting details a regular civilian like [Name] isn't meant to hear. He speaks of the paranormal as though he experiences it on a daily basis, as if it were common to lay his sight upon creatures unknown to most humans, those of which teem with rage and agony in the shape of curses. Demon dogs made from shadows, triple the amount of eyes that are needed, millennia-old fingers that don't taste very good at all. [Name] tries to hold in their laughter, but it breaks through their pursed lips in a flurry of cackles.

Yuuji chuckles softly at the sight of their incredulity—it's okay for them not to believe him, they don't need to know how much deeper the world of evil runs. A smile settles on his face as he enjoys the peace [Name] brings into the atmosphere. They're gazing right into those curved lips and the glimmer in his eyes shining against the kitchen's lighting. There's a throb in their chest when Yuuji rubs the back of his neck abashedly, admitting quietly that his tale reeks of fiction. He makes up stories for their entertainment on a Sunday night, knowing full well tomorrow he'll be barely awake through the day.

It's the way his charming grin sets off butterflies in [Name]'s stomach that makes them worry—is it butterflies? Worms? Food poisoning? Flower petals? It's probably flower petals; those petals they pluck off each blooming bud in a childish game of he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not. Flowers pink like his tangled hair, frail like his delicate lashes, bright like the spark in his eyes, silky like the touch of his fingers. Yuuji travels onto a different anecdote full of adrenaline and excitement as they stare at him intently. They listen carefully to every word he has to say, wondering just how it is that he can speak so freely.

He has nothing to conceal, yet they do. Out of fear, out of respect, out of love—they don't know. When the words battle to surface and spill, they hurry to stuff petals of every color into their mouth and down their throat. The chant they repeat tells them that Yuuji loves them, but it's a type of love different from theirs. They know that. And it fucking sucks. Cowardly feelings and a boiling confession threaten to burst out every time he so much as locks eyes with them. I'm in love with you, a sentence they can't pronounce because the petals take up the space needed to form syllables.

"I can't really explain it in simple terms, but just imagine it's like pressure, right?" Yuuji starts a new idea, a new story, a new tale that he doesn't know where it ends. [Name] nods along to whatever words he spills, absorbing every sound so sweet coming in the shape of his voice. "So you have this plushie—really, really cute, by the way—and you're watching a movie, but you gotta apply pressure to the plushie for it to not attack you. If you go below a certain amount of pressure, the thing will pounce on you and destroy you. But you're invested in the movie, right?"

[Name] hums, "Basically, you're multitasking for dear life."

"Yeah!" He snaps his fingers with teeming enthusiasm in revelation to the accurate term he had been looking for.

Laughter bubbles in [Name]'s chest, bursting forth with bouncing shoulders and an arrangement of flower petals that taste like nothing at all. They cover their mouth with their hand as they manage to say between giggles, "What's so hard about multitasking?"

"It's really hard! Especially when the movie's so good. Man, I really struggled, I got my ass beat!" There's a specific ringing in the chirp of his chortles, entrancing and mesmerizing that [Name] wishes they could keep safe for all eternity. Recorded tracks and daily voice messages aren't nearly enough, for those may stay in the depth of their phone, but the day Yuuji stops laughing and his glimmer dies off, nothing will ever bring back those lost memories of his happiness. He shows off all of his teeth in an enchanting beam, one which could effortlessly light up a cursed city on its own.

The microwave finishes with a beeping so unbearably deafening, making [Name] startle and jolt at their seat on the counter—it's the dead of the night and the slightest of sounds could wake up the entire neighborhood. Yuuji chuckles to himself as he pries the door open to allow a harmonious scent of vanilla to waft into the air and envelop the kitchen. He hisses at the pain on his fingertips when the scorching ceramic comes into contact with his skin. Two mugs filled with steaming pastries; [Name]'s idea and the sole reason Yuuji came over so late at night, easy enough for the both of them to whip up in a second and chat the sleep away.

Their invitation drifted into the sky in the shape of a hey i wanna try mugcakes you down? yet a faint echo behind it whispered you transferred schools and i miss you please come see me. The cake is sweet, fluffy, smooth, savory, possibly the best dessert they've ever tasted, but next to Yuuji, nothing tastes like much at all. It really fucking sucks. The feelings, the emotions, the adoration; they hold onto a string of love with a grip so poor, they can't guess whether the string will snap first or they'll simply let go. When he isn't looking, [Name] mixes a petal with their cake in an attempt to stimulate their tongue with a dash of bitterness. A soft texture so cruel, sticking to the back of their throat. Still, it tastes like nothing at all.

"This is fine…" a mumble tumbles from their lips. Then again, is it fine? Their eyes stray to gaze at Yuuji and the way he's wolfing down every last bit of pastry in his mug despite how much it burns. A smile manifests without them even trying. Of course it's fine; of course it sucks. He's everything they could have ever wanted, but how can they even express such a concept when he's content with the way things are?

[Name] gives themself a moment. It sucks, but it's fine to be his friend. Laughter and moments and jokes stacked together in a mug. Sweet and bitter and tasteless.

A Summer breeze, billowing curtains, lo-fi beats played on repeat, and a mattress dirty with age. What once had been settled resurfaces again in a wave of doubt; gritted teeth and balled fists. He-loves-me-he-loves-me-not has become an unhealthy habit where they hope the amount of petals they swallow might dictate corresponded feelings. They've destroyed countless flowers of a thousand different hues to reach the same result. [Name] tilts their head back to catch his attention. He feels them shift on his leg and finds their gaze with an inquiring hum.

It's just a flower, a random one that caught their eye and they decided to steal on a whim before heading back home. It's just a flower, one that looks white and frail, but when they rise it against the sunlight, bits of yellow shine through, and [Name] squints at it to catch specks of green. Yuuji argues he sees blue somewhere in it, but they come up with a new theory that he's probably colorblind. It's just a flower anyway; it tastes as bitter as every other one they've eaten, yet it has no taste at all, and it might just be the taste of their concealed adoration for him burning on their tongue.

They hesitate, but they start, "Listen, I, uh… I really, really think—I mean, I kinda, um… How do I say this? I…" Although they start, they never finish. Is it cowardice or wisdom? A fear of things changing for the worse, or the knowledge that everything is fine the way it is?

"You good, man?" he asks in a voice so soft, concern wrapping around every syllable. That's where his brows dip and his lips flatten and his eyes are just so hypnotic they don't want this to ever stop. Running in circles, they realize one more time that this is fine.

"I couldn't be better."

"So what is it?"

"I just wanna be your friend for as long as I can. How does forever sound to you? For the rest of your life?"

"Sounds great! I couldn't think of a better friend." He grins so widely, so warmly, so friendly. He's so lovely, right at their fingertips.

"Even better than the Fushiguro you talk about?"

"Absolutely!"

It's the fondest of breaths that he lets out, tasting almost like molten chocolate running down and swirling in an infinite loop of time. [Name]'s happy to be able to call someone like Yuuji their friend—they're happy to simply be able to say his name and receive a response. Every time they speak, the syllables that form overpower the previous bitterness of choking flower petals; it tastes so sweet that they can't remember why they scrunched up their face in disgust in the first place.

[Name] won't ruin this. The existing conflict only dwells within them and they accept the reality of never holding Yuuji where he can reciprocate their love. It's easier to avoid it than to destroy something so beautiful they've built up between the two of them without trying. They'll clog up their own throat with tasteless petals and tear love up into pieces as they destroy flower buds one by one instead. They won't speak what doesn't need to be spoken.

Yuuji knows a lie when he sees it.

—あごす (agosu) • 2021

#He Loves Me Not #Jujutsu Kaisen #JJK #Jujutsu Kaisen x Reader #JJK x Reader #Itadori Yuji #Yuji Itadori #Itadori Yuji x Reader #Itadori x Reader #me when i come out as ace

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kuromi-hoemie · 3 months ago

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ngl it does really annoy me when everyone accepts “ace people don't have sex” as the baseline assumption instead of ace people just not experiencing sexual attraction.

you can still have sex but be driven by different reasons, like to me it is a kind of affection and way to hang out with people that is influenced by the relationship we have with each other. i can think people are pretty to look at with or without their clothes without sexual attraction in the mix.

when i see something full of ppl assuming ace people don't have sex i always want to jump on it and be annoying like MEEEE I'M ACE PEOPLE WHO HAS SEX, WE EXIST WE EXIST STOP ASSUMING WE DON'T THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO STRAIGHT UP WILL NOT DATE OR BE INTERESTED IN ACE PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THIS MISCONCEPTION AND WE E X I S T.

stop!!!! assuming ace people do not have sex!!!!!!!! if you don't know then ask if it's appropriate!!!!!!!!!!! stop thinking about it in a binary you either do or don't have sex kind of way!!!!!! this is fundamentally off!!!!!!!!!!!! if you are ace you do not have sexual ATTRACTION!!!!!!!!!!!

as to how we feel about and handle sex, that varies person to person but sex favorable aces are a lot more common than you'd think. hell, figuring out I'm ace was the hardest thing to figure out about myself because all i ever saw people talk about was whether you have sex or not. I'm sure there's a lot more people who haven't figured it out for this same reason, and let me tell you it's hard to know you're missing a whole ass type of attraction when you've never experienced it before and didn't know it was missing to begin with!!

ace is not synonymous with sexless. aces who don't have sex don't speak for me, and y'all gotta stop letting them be the only face of the community. there are More Of Us, it is All Of Us.

accepting that baseline at face value leaves you uninformed and it's frustrating to see this over and over again. challenge yourself to do better and try understanding ace people more.

#allosexual people coming off as uninformed and sex unfavorable aces just using the blanket “ace” like nooo don't uwu us #stop using ace as a synonym for sexless 😤 iiii am out here fucking and y'all are why i need to wait to disclose being ace #I'll share that I'm trans before i say I'm ace lmao 😭 not enough people even know the difference between ace/aro #it's like i have to establish the connection first and let u see these other parts of me before i get to tell u #bc i don't want ppl to put distance between us when they don't have to. ace's who don't have sex don't speak for me >.>

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