#me when everyone is smarter and stronger and more healthy than me and I don’t have the will power to fix anything in my life 👍

[milo-is-rambling]

Huge shoutout to everyone who was too mentally fucked up to succeed in high school but they were smart when the meds worked and when everything was okay but the second something went wrong you went back to not caring and letting yourself fail and now you’re watching everyone go to college and gain skills and friends and go new places and you’re still in the the same (or worse) shitty mental place you were four years ago and you feel like you aren’t allowed to ever be successful because you dropped out of high school and you can’t even imagine paying to take a college course.

[rei-caldombra]

The time hath come! For a passionate post of one of my favorite series Demon Girl Next Door / Machikado Mazoku. (above image made by me)

Just wanna say right away that I adore this show and I am largely just bringing up positives. This is a gushing post that ended up being super long. And reminder that my writing isn’t meant to be all encompassing and describe the show in every detail. So if there’s something I mention about the show that intrigues you, you should check out the source material (and if I encouraged you to do that then I've succeeded!)! This will contain direct spoilers. I do not bring up every single aspect of the plot and characters, but I bring up many of them. Skip to the end if you just want to hear a short conclusion. 

DGND is incredibly dense despite how simple it seems on the surface. This show is so much more than just goofy wholesome fun. 

When it comes to stupid moe derpy characters, i think Shamiko is one of the best examples of this archetype. She has plenty of personality aside from that. Some stupid characters feel like they only exist to be stupid for gags. They genuinely don’t seem like they can function as a human being on their own, to the point of feeling like they could be offensive portrayals of mental retardation. 

But Shamiko is well rounded. She is not JUST a character who is dumb. Her lack of smarts and common sense does actually have some explanation too. You learn that the curse on Shamiko’s family has a physical effect as well. Shamiko spent most of her childhood in intensive care at a hospital, her physical issues exacerbated by the curse. And Shamiko was not just taking on her portion of the curse, her soul had chosen to take on Ryo’s portion of the curse as well. Before she awakened to her demon heritage, she wasn’t even able to walk through her school without collapsing. She was not able to get a proper education very well before the start of the series.  She had less opportunities than most to get normal experiences. She also had little capacity to be physically active, which gives more reason for her being pathetically weak than because the jokes of her being incapable demand it. This strength of writing just gets better as the series goes on because we see her develop into a character that is less incompetent and less physically weak. Rather than riding on these same failure jokes, we actually see Shamiko develop into a character who is capable. She manages to defeat a magical creature on her own, Sakura (the character who set up this whole town and is the most important non main character in the overall story) basically passes the torch of being the town’s caretaker on to her, she is the leader of the operation and successfully uses her abilities to remove Mikan’s curse and save Ugallu. She starts out the series as incompetent and capable of very little, being liked but looked down on by most of the cast. But she grows to be respected by everyone, to the point where Momo and Mikan eventually do consider themselves her “minions”. She truly grows from a dumb and unconfident little girl into a leader that very capable people like Momo and Mikan see as an equal. She grows mentally as well as physically. She gets access to more magical abilities, she gets less physically unwell, she gets more confident in herself. 

Ryo is shown to be very smart, which makes sense in comparison to Shamiko because she was healthy enough to be in school. And she is not just naturally smart, she actually has the drive to be smarter as she wants to support her sister. Which you can say is her wanting to support Shamiko in return for how Shamiko took on her portion of the curse. Ryo stands out more than just the “smart child” archetype she fits into. DGND is filled with details that elevate even the minor characters into more than just archetypes. 

Shamiko still has the motivation to win and get stronger, but she realizes intentionally hurting Momo or another magical girl isn’t the way she wants to go about it. And she doesn’t want Momo to hurt herself to get her the blood either. Especially when we learn from the accidental blood offering that the result of using blood to lift the curse permanently weakened Momo slightly. Which by reading into the subtext you realize means she lost mana, which according to the way they describe magical girls in this universe, is her entire existence. This is one specific example of how dark subject matter is present in the generally goofy and bubbly story.  

I love Shamiko and Momo’s dynamic, it's the crux of this series and the appeal. Their “rivalry” quickly develops into basically being just a roleplay bit between the two. It changes from Shamiko wanting to physically beat Momo to effectively emotionally overtaking her. She wants to be respected by Momo and make Momo into her vassal. It still has the original intention of making Momo submit to her, but in a more intimate and consensual way. It doesn’t feel like the idea of defeating Momo in battle was forgotten, it feels like Shamiko’s goals and motivations naturally change. 

You really buy into Shamiko and Momo’s friendship because we get so much time with them together. There are other characters who are important and get screen time, but Shaminomo is the focal point. 

DGND is legitimately the only ship I care about in all of anime. Their personalities mesh so perfectly. Simplest way to describe them is tsundere x kuudere. I really want to put emphasis on me, someone who has never cared for shipping, am very into this ship. I live for cute fanart of them together. They have so many cute and funny interactions. The way their personalities flip on the stereotypes of a demon and magical girl are very good. Shamiko is incredibly pure, always wanting to help people and find a peaceful solution. On the other hand Momo is fairly dark in the way she thinks, being more conniving and directly confrontational when a situation comes up. 

There’s so many situations where the series has very obvious romantic subtext. And I fully buy into it, it works so well. Its romantic af. I also think their dynamic is written very great because you don’t HAVE TO interpret their relationship as romantic. You can see it as just very close friends. Or you can see them as having a sisterly bond, having the report of both argumentative and caring similar to how I’ve heard people describe sisters. The idea of Momo’s (not blood relative) sister’s core literally being in Shamiko also lends some credence to this interpretation. 

Do I think they’re gonna be in a romantic relationship by the end of this? Probably not. But that doesn’t necessarily mean this is trashy gay baiting. I think it being up to interpretation is fine when it’s backed up by good writing. And here it absolutely is. And even though I made the point that you could see it as unromantic, I just can’t lol. Just to give one example- Shamiko learns about the vassal contract (aka demon marriage) that her Mom and Dad went through and then immediately goes to Momo and says she should be her vassal. That scene has very obvious romantic intention and you cannot deny it. And this moment is not just some one-off thing to get the yuri fans going again, the idea of Momo becoming Shamiko's vassal is very important going forward from there.

I love these two so much as a couple. They have hilarious back and forths, their personalities mesh very well, we see their growing understanding of each other, they can be adorably possessive at times, there's is just so much endearing and charming about their dynamic. I finally understood how people who are super into a ship feel. 

All of the characters are at least enjoyable in some way, but the heart of the show is the main duo. And the show never really tries to go against that. If you don’t ship Shamiko and Momo that's fine, but to me it never really presents anyone else as super shippable other than Mikan, and It's very clear that isn't something the show itself is pushing. 

To quickly go on about other core characters- Lilith is really great, she is really cute and has a lot of funny jokes. And later on she ends up spending less time being the butt of jokes and is genuinely very helpful. Ryo is cute and her relationship with her sister is super wholesome, Mikan is really great and gets a lot of personality and more to do S2 onwards, Shamiko’s mom has some funny moments and has an interesting role, Anri is funny and a good goofball friend, Lico is a funny addition who grew on me a lot, Shirosawa has some funny moments and works as a straight man to Lico’s shenanigans (as well as being the only male character in the show), Sion was my least favorite at first but she also gets a lot to do later and gets more characterization than just “occult + science girl”. 

DGND has a much larger and overarching story than most cute wholesome shows do. And it’s written very well. It seems like this would be a mostly episodic cute event of the week kind of story, but its got a heavy story and complete continuity. Story details are spread out well, dripped in between various normal moments in the show. There are constantly little hints being thrown around about the history and background elements. A lot of things that initially seem like just gags actually end up being relevant to a later scene or the overall story. There are a lot of visual details that end up being used later. The story resonates very strongly because the characters are deeply involved in it. A simple story for this simply could’ve been “an evil threat enters the peaceful town and Shamiko and crew need to stop it” with some random villain. Instead, everyone is relevant. Shamiko’s father is involved, Momo’s sister is involved, Shamiko being in the hospital is involved. The town and the characters in it really feel like they have history, and that history is very important to them and the story. And the story does have a lot of dark elements to it. I really like how this very positive and upbeat series has these serious and dark accents that help to balance it out. It makes it more engrossing. It's a very good mix of goofy with enough dark and dramatic elements to make you pause and think seriously about what is going on. The show manages to have plenty of simple episodic bits where it's just the characters being cute and having fun, but not too often or lacking little bits that remind you that there's a serious story and deeper issues. The story generally just continues being interesting and engaging, it never really dips. There are lots of mysteries that you really want to know the answers to. 

One moment I like from episode 12 is when Shamiko, Momo and Lilith are talking about Shamiko becoming her vassal.

This just seems like a joke in the moment since they are calling out how Momo is much more like a Demon and should fall to darkness by becoming Shamiko's vassal. Later on this is exactly what happens, despite Momo declining becoming her vassal. But even if you did immediately think this is foreshadowing, when it does come back up it's not exactly how or when you would expect it. So, it's interesting and surprising whether you assumed its foreshadowing or not. This is just one of many moments and a more direct one where something you expect to just be a joke ends up being an important detail later that gets revisited.

A truly unique aspect of the town is how demons and magical girls are set up to not interact with each other. That is in order to apparently keep the peace. Shamiko is able to transcend this because she has Sakura’s core. So she is the only one who can unite all the magical people in the town in order to figure things out and protect the town. I really like this detail. 

To compare DGND to another one of my favorite series, the town of DGND feels similar to Morioh of Jojo part 4. Over time we spend so much time getting to know different places and people in it that it grows into a place that you can believe exists. You see all the moving parts and areas that make it function. You can imagine where people go and what they do outside of what's directly on screen. This is what is required to make a fully realized setting, and as a result makes the story very engrossing. Reaching this should be the main goal of a series that has a static setting, and I feel both these shows excel at this.

There is so much well written slow growth in the series. Shamiko and Momo opening up to each other, Shamiko growing more capable, Lilith being able to interact more, the characters learning about the history of the town. It's very satisfying and feels natural. Its distributed very well. 

Where many stories rely on big lore dumps, DGND never has this problem because of how well details are parceled throughout the series. Momo starts out as a very taciturn character you don’t know much about. Momo never goes on some long rant about her entire sad backstory in one moment. That isn’t necessary because if you pay attention during the dialogue, you can get all of it in a more natural way. As it comes out organically through her conversations with Shamiko and other characters and when the story actually demands that information. She doesn’t need to directly say that she is depressed because you can figure that out from how she talks and acts in little moments. She doesn’t need to directly say why she is not an active magical girl anymore because you can figure out that bad things went down from little moments in her conversations. The writing is not lazy and does not treat the viewer like they are dumb. It gives you the opportunity to speculate and figure things out yourself, then later when it makes sense for the characters to be direct, they clarify things. 

Putting great writing aside for just a moment, DGND is SO CUTE AND WHOLESOME. So many moments of the characters just getting along and having fun together that are super endearing. This show is just so charming and makes you smile. 

DGND is also very funny. Shamiko and Momo’s report is hilarious, especially at the beginning when they’re more at odds. There’s lots of silly weird gags, like puns and random goofy things. All over you can see little visual gags, like text on an object or a goofy item. DGND has a openly goofy tone that it presents confidently. One recurring joke that's really funny is how all the normal people react tamely to all the magical stuff that goes on. There’s a good mix of different kinds of jokes. There are also lots of gags parodying magical girls. I mentioned how I like how it has the negative perspective of magical girls to balance the positive aspects. The show continues to be very balanced by having magical girl parody as well as unironically cool magical girl things (mainly the transformations). It does its silly moments in good ways. Its goofy but doesn’t do it too much and make it feel like its random just for the sake of it. The anime mixes goofiness and story perfectly. I love the tone of this series so much. 

There isn’t exactly a ton of serious life messages, but there’s nice stuff about societal expectations and getting along with people. When it comes to the magical society, it's very clearly anti segregation and anti-stereotyping based on race. 

This show has the philosophy of “finding joy in the little things” that you see a lot in Japanese media. Such as the very poor Shamiko family still remaining happy. I’ve always vibed with this perspective and like how it's portrayed here. 

DGND is not the best-looking show visually in the animation department, but it is great where it matters, and the weaker parts are often played as a strength. The art is generally very good but the animation is very limited. But especially in season 1 the limited visuals are played very well. Whether it's the magical transformations still looking very good or using limited animation to do funny gags (like the EEEHHH gif you probably saw even if you did not watch the show when it first came out where they just wiggle around the static image). Imo the limited animation really doesn’t hurt the viewing experience. And it gets better in S2. All the magical transformations are really good. I think the coloring in particular for the anime are very nice. 

And there’s one visual aspect of DGND that takes a lot of extra effort, which is the character designs. One visually distinct thing that elevates DGND above a lot of anime is the number of outfits the main characters have. It adds so much more personality. They feel so much more alive because it feels like they actually have a closet full of clothes. There is so much more effort put into the character design. So many series just have the characters in a singular outfit 99% of the time. Which is understandable because that's easier to draw and replicate. But it can make them feel more like a character that only exists for that singular thing. Characters only shown in combat outfits are hard to imagine in another scenario when they aren't on the battlefield. With school uniforms it's hard to imagine then without them. But with DGND the number of outfits we get for the characters make it easier to imagine them in a variety of situations. They feel like they have lives because they have all the outfits they would for people who have normal lives. Sometimes shows feel like time stops in between what we as the audience see, like the characters don’t have lives outside of what we see. But DGND in multiple ways avoids this issue due to its character designs and other details. This is an incredibly important point to me. I absolutely love this aspect of the show and wish more shows did this. I have a lot more respect for the art of the show because of this point. 

Another character design aspect that is done very well is Shamiko’s tail. Her tail is incredibly expressive and constantly moving and changing. It portrays a lot of her emotions and is a thing for us and also the characters in the show to react to. I love the characters, primarily Momo, reacting to Shamiko’s tail expressions. It really shows how Momo pays attention to Shamiko and makes the characters feel like they have more spacial awareness. Bring that up because I feel sometimes shows can make characters appear to only see or hear what the writing allows them to in a questionable way. Verbal example of this is when a character says half a sentence before getting cut off, and everyone acts like they heard nothing at all. The anime portrays the tail well, and further makes Shamiko a very expressive and an interesting character to watch. Which is very important for a main character. 

While there can be limited animation it still succeeds at making the characters be very expressive. There are lots of great faces.

I also like all of the openings and endings. One thing nice about them is that they don’t directly spoil anything like many openings tend to but do have little things that can make you go “oh i know what that creature is” or “I get that now!”. 

Now to the sound design, which is immaculate. The anime has the best sound effects of anything I’ve watched. There are so many great goofy sound effects that add to the character's reactions. My favorite has to be the train whistle toy used when Shamiko or Lilith is angry. The sound effects further add to how expressive the characters feel. The creators clearly had a ton of fun doing the sound design and it comes through. A fun goofy soundtrack for a fun and goofy show. 

The music is also very good as a whole. I usually don’t pay a ton of attention to background music but I’m obsessed with DGND so I do here. I think the BGM fits well with the setting. They sound very magical and fantastical while also sounding modern. It's very peppy and can get high energy with Shamiko’s strong reactions, while also being very low during the slower moments. And sad when it needs to. I’m not great at describing good music since I’m not a huge fan of music, so I’ll just say it's far above average in my opinion. My favorite track is probably Shamiko’s transformation theme. 

The voice acting (just talking about the Japanese voice actors, i haven’t seen a lot of the eng dub) is super good. Of course, Konomi Kohara is absolutely amazing as Shamiko. She is the master of cute anime girl noises and gives so much energy in her performance. She brings out Shamiko’s wide range of emotions and mannerisms extremely well. Momo’s voice acting is also extremely good, the soft but dull voice perfectly fits Momo’s character. All around the voice acting is excellent but the main two really have their personalities on full display from the voice acting. 

When it comes to anime vs manga, I do like the manga. But the voice acting, soundtrack and anime additions add so much for me. I have to recommend the anime over the manga. But if you are more sensitive to the anime girl noises type of thing and find it annoying, you will likely enjoy the manga more. 

—---Here’s a good spot if you are skipping to the end—----

Each individual aspect of the show is strong. The characters and the world are very dense and endearing with great drama and emotion behind them. If you are into light romances, you will very much adore the sweet relationship between Shamiko and Momo. If you enjoy light fantasy then I feel DGND provides a unique world with interesting interpretation of magical girls and demons. If you just like comedies, DGND will keep you laughing constantly with its silly gags. If you enjoy a detailed story that builds over time, you should greatly enjoy the story here. If you just want girls doing cute and wholesome things there’s plenty of it. I really do recommend this series to anyone. 

I absolutely adore this series, it's very close to my heart. It’s in my top favorites and I consider it my comfort show. Fanart of DGND never fails to make me feel a little happier. I love this goofy world and its endearing characters. I love the complex and constantly developing story. I love the wholesomeness with dark flavors behind it. 

I had a ton of fun writing this one! It brought me a lot of joy getting back into the nitty gritty of this series. I wrote a ton for this and spent way more time on it than my other posts so far. Hopefully it wasn’t too much messier than the others in terms of formatting, separation etc. It’s so long and I didn’t want to spend a ton more time just doing minor edits lol. But I truly did put a lot into this one, it deserves it! I really tried to put down anything I thought of well and remove very little. I could go on even more if I let myself, but I do not want to force it and have this take a long time. I've written enough, I'm satisfied.

Also if you want to hear more gushing about this show and get that episode by episode, I highly recommend Anime Slushie’s YouTube videos on DGND. I like their discussions on the show. And re-listening to them helped me to get the writing juices flowing. If we get a season 3 you better believe I’ll be doing episode by episode posts where I go into detail on everything. 

I want to end this by wishing the absolute best to Izumo Ito, the author of DGND who has been combating health issues. Thank you for all your hard work on this amazing series! Thanks for reading! Please check out Demon Girl Next Door / Machikado Mazoku! And please give us season 3.

[bostonbashers]

Hear me out.. How do mercs behave around a person they have a huge crush on?! :D

AAAAAA this one is so cute, i’m in love!! 🤩❤️

-

Scout:

literally a fucking DORK around you. tries to impress you constantly with anything and everything he has, ranging from his skill set to his appearance to his personal belongings and much more.

always finds excuses to spend time with you and it can be the most asanine ones in existence. oh? you have free time tomorrow? let’s go take a run down the street. you miss your puppy that got lost when you were a kid? let’s go to the ends of the earth to find it.

made you borrow his jacket/shirt once because he accidentally spilled a drink all over your shirt. once he saw you in it, he nearly died and didn’t want it back. takes it back anyway due to his pride and though he seems outwardly okay with it, he secretly doesn’t wash the clothing for a long while.

his flirtatious behavior around other people goes down immensely. scout becomes strictly loyal to you once his crush grows stronger and can’t bear the thought of talking with someone else, even if you don’t like him back. it just doesn’t sit with him right.

Soldier:

soldier is much softer and kinder around you. he restrains himself from using any harsh words that could hurt your feelings and tries to slow down on your training.

shows you his pets!! one of his prized possessions that he won’t allow anyone else to touch, like ever. he trusts you to love and take care of them the same way he does.

everyone has to respect you. if they even give you a slight problem, he’ll get on their case about it and probably give them hell before they could even mutter out an apology. you deserve respect and he’s gonna make sure you get nothing less.

lots of supportive comments from him! even if it’s something small, he’ll grin at you proudly and yell out a, “good job, cupcake! you did great!” while giving you a strong pat in the back or an approving nod.

Pyro:

pyro is usually sweet and kind with a certain crowd and tries to do the best they can for others, but with their crush? it’s a whole different story. they’re absolutely head over heels for them.

like a lovesick puppy; they will follow you wherever they go with a skip in their step. like, i mean they’ll follow you everywhere. “no, pyro you can’t follow me to the bathroom-!” they don’t really listen but patiently wait outside anyway.

one of the many mercs who won’t hesitate to show affection and sees nothing wrong in it. runs up to them and holds their hand firmly with a happy hum, hugs them more than usual, and just straight up gives you all their attention.

Demoman:

oh boy, if tavish has a crush on you, he’ll show it when he’s absolutely wasted. demo will literally smother you with affection regardless of where you both are and literally latch onto you every second he gets a chance to.

lots of drunk ramblings; he’ll lay his head on your shoulder or lap while he mindlessly slurs about how amazing you are, what his favorite thing is about you, and so much more.

it’s pretty obvious at that point demo likes you so you admit your liking to him pretty quick and it’s funny how shocked he gets. “ya knew i liked ya?!” yes, demo, they did.

when he’s sober, he’s much more shy with it and controls his actions a lot more. apologizes for his behavior while drunk. tavish exhibits more gentleman behavior, from opening doors to making you a decent dinner and just basically ensuring your comfortability.

Heavy:

heavy is very mature and will accept his feelings pretty quick compared to the others. it’s a 50/50 chance with him; if they feel the same, that’s great! if they don’t, then.. he’d have no choice but to move on. that’s how life works.

once he does accept it, be expecting a lot of mother hen behavior; he literally watches your every move to make sure you’re safe and healthy. even if you are, he goes out of his way to give you things whenever he knows you’re around; a homemade meal, a blanket, probably some candy. your smile is already more than enough to make up for the little things he does for you. 

no one will ever dare to hurt you around heavy (or just in general, really). he senses danger and issues pretty quickly, so it’s easy for him to detect any bad intentions. he’s like that scary bodyguard who looms behind you, glaring at anyone who radiates rancid vibes to scare them away.

Medic:

probably takes a while to accept or realize it cause he’s always so preoccupied in his lab, being busy and all. but once he does realize it, it’s sort of foreign to him at first, so of course, he goes to heavy to speak about his emotions. after being told it was a crush, he pays attention to you a lot more than usual, sometimes even without him noticing.

he gets all giddy when you’re around and although it’s not the jumpy, squealing giddy, it’s certainly one shown through happy greetings and continuous conversations that seem to be never ending. (you don’t mind though)

makes up random appointments and checkups for the smallest things just to see you and gets very, very excited whenever you decide to come to visit him without his knowledge. nearly drops everything just to attend to you.

he talks to archimedes so much about you that his precious pet basically knows who you are based off his owners reactions and automatically flies to you whenever you enter his lab. that bird is a lot smarter than you think. they get along with you pretty well and medic melts whenever he sees you talk to his birds like he does and play with them.

Sniper:

bless his heart, the poor man will literally faint around his crush. just the sight of them flusters him to his core, and don’t even get me started on their little habits and that godforsaken smile. [hes literally almost died when they grinned at him]

he’s already so reserved and quiet as he is, but around them, it’s even worse. he’s always so scared he’s gonna scare them away or say something stupid, but he eventually lets go of the fear and tries to muster up the courage to talk to you.

once he does, he spends a lot of his time with you, often inviting you out to drive around with him or just simply sit outside and enjoy the breeze. he talks a lot more than usual and though he doesn’t completely open up about his past just yet, he does indirectly hint that he trusts you more than anyone in his life.

lots of sleepless nights when he realizes he’s in love. he does everything to take you off his mind but all fails in the end and he’s kept wide awake thinking about what you two could be. from then on, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep his cool around you and silently begs you’ll confess one day or he’ll lose it.

Engineer:

sweetheart mode: activated. like it’s not a big switch up, since he’s naturally a gentleman but it’s noticeable enough. you’ll notice that your nicknames will start slowly forming to more romantic ones and how he blushes with a smile everytime it leaves his lips.

the other mercs can tell when dell has a crush; he blushes a lot more than usual and they catch him smiling more than once by himself. they realize it when you approach him and he automatically fixes himself to look presentable without a second breath. his voice also changes to a much happier and giddy tone, it’s so cute!

stares at you from a distance a lot or whenever you’re distracted with something. half of the time he doesn’t even realize he’s doing so but once he catches himself, he blushes and looks away, silently telling himself to quit it. often you’ll catch him staring at you, but you ignore it for his sake and laugh to yourself when he smiles back and waves shyly.

Spy:

takes a long while before he actually accepts the crush, seeing that he’s a very secretive and reserved person but once he does, you best believe you’ll be spoiled and loved by this man. lots of gentleman behavior!! opening doors, buying you gifts, giving you his coat, and all that fancy stuff.

teases you a lot more than he should; he enjoys your reactions. he’ll lean in close enough where your fingers brush slightly, tilt your chin up when he talks to you and makes intense eye contact while doing so. whenever he gets too close or the moment gets too tense, he backs away with a smirk and pretends as if nothing happens.

he listens to you and anything you have on your mind. his door is literally open for you 24/7 and even if you come knocking at 3 am, he’ll let you in and listen to what you have to say. you think he’s not listening cause he’s very unresponsive but when you’re finished and about to leave, he gives really good advice and tells you quietly that he’s there for you in an indirect way. depending how close he is to you, he’ll let out an experience or two about him to put you at comfort and as thanks for confiding in him. he then walks you back to your room with a simple nod and goodnight.

[a-pretty-nerd]

Tomura Shigaraki x AllMight!Daughter!Reader

Chapter 7

Premis:

When The League of Villians discovers that AllMight has a daughter, they are quick to snatch you up and hold you hostage. Shigaraki had a careful and thought out plan, but that was before you got there. Now you're in the mood for some not-so-healthy rebellion.

Word Count: 2,270

Warnings: Fighting, trauma, family issues, etc. 

A/N:

I'm really glad you guys seem to like this series, I'm having a lot of fun with it! Please don't be afraid to interact, like, comment, share, and I do requests too! Every little bit helps support me. I also post my original work on my Wattpad, and I have a Patreon if you wanna support me further! I hope you enjoy the chapter!

chapter 6  Chapter 8 

"How long has it been since you last took your medication?" Shigaraki asked from across the room, seated in a chair as he adjusted the quirk-neutralizing gloves over his hand.

"The day you took me." You told him, standing awkwardly waiting in the middle of the room. The old office space had furniture pressed against the walls to create an open space. A makeshift ring for fighting. Shigaraki had tried to get you to use your quirk to do so, but you found yourself unable to control it. He stood from his seat, dressed in a comfortable set of all black. As were you, something Toga had brought for you at Shigaraki's request.

"How long have you been working out for?" He asked. His eyes and face nearly emotionless. He was cold and calculating. Trying to put pieces of a puzzle together to form what he perceives as you.

"Since I can remember. Mom always had me in some kind of sport. She said it would help me keep my head straight."

"Today I'll be judging your physical skills outside of your quirk. Even if you had control, you can't always rely on your quirk alone."

"Don't have to tell me twice." You scoffed, holding your hands up to protect your face as Shigaraki shifted into a defensive stance.

"Don't hold anything back." He ordered. He moved closer, walking with you as your bodies traced a circle around the ring. You watched him, preparing yourself to fight. This wasn't your first taste of combat. In fact, you had the luxury of free self-defense classes when your mother married her first wife, Sandra. As a hero trainer, Sandra worked to train future heroes before they chose what course they wanted to take in their "hero" careers.

Sandra was a kind woman. She made you feel strong and safe in a way your mother never could. Sandra was more like a mother to you than she ever was. It broke your heart when they divorced. They had been together so long and everything seemed fine. But out of nowhere, Sandra's place in your life shrunk. She still called to talk and sent you birthday/holiday gifts, but she wasn't around anymore. You felt you had lost the only parent you'd ever truly had.

Distracted, a hit to your cheek shook you awake. You paused and turned. He hadn't really even hit you that hard, just pushed your head with his knuckles. You looked at Shigaraki, puzzled.

"You're distracted. Get a grip." He told you. You felt embarrassed. You adjusted your stance and dug your heels into the concrete floor. You looked into his eyes and furrowed your brow.

"Right. Sorry." You blurted. Suddenly he moved, quickly going in for a real hit. With your wrist, you blocked and went in for a hit. Only for him to dodge and aim for your stomach. He hit and hard. It was enough to shake you, but not enough to get you down. You raised your fists up and brought them down on his upper back, knocking him to his knees. That low, you lifted your shoe to kick him in the face. Only to have your ankle swiped out from until you. Hitting the floor, you let out a loud and upset grunt.

"Pay attention. You keep leaving yourself vulnerable." He scolded. Still on his knees, watching you as you pulled yourself away from him. Swinging your legs around to kick him in the gut, creating a distance and knocking him to the floor.

It hurt him, but not enough. He hardly even seemed hurt by it at all. All it did was create distance. Any normal man would be down for the count, but Shigaraki was no normal man. You'd have to be smarter than that.

"Is that all?" He mocked before charging you again. You held up your fists to block punch after steady punch. Bruising the back of your hands and forearms. His movements were quick and steady now. You found your opening and cut up into his ribs. He flexed before you could hit, doing little to no damage. You repeatedly hit his ribs when there was an opening, hoping to wear him down or build up in preparation to rush him. No such luck. He would flex and lean into the hit absorbing your impact so it did almost nothing but maybe hurt a bit.

You dodged and blocked as best you could, but eventually he landed a hard hit to your cheek, sending you back a bit.

"Years of athletics and this is it?" He asked with a grin.

"Piss off. It's been a little while since my last fight." You told him, lunging forward to rain a series of hits down on him. You even landed a few, the more you fought, the more you got used to his movements and his tactics. You knew winning or at least passing this fight wouldn't be about strength, it'd be about getting him to quit. You'd have to outsmart him, or at least distract him.

You backed him up to the center of the ring, hitting harder into his ribs so it forced him back. Regardless of how hard you hit, even if it was a good one, it always seemed more like a wild inconvenience than a painful hit to his body. He'd let out deep grunts here and there, maybe a comment or two, but otherwise he was quiet. He watched you as you moved around him. Watched the way you hit and dodged and danced around him. Swinging your leg up to bring your knee to his nose. Thats what got him.

He backed up, holding his face as he groaned. He looked down at his hand, no blood. You hadn't hit hard enough to draw blood, just enough to hurt. Its not like you were too weak to break his nose, your hits to his ribs and his back proved that. You were strong. You controlled your hit.

"I said don't hold back." He grumbled. You shrugged.

"I'm not. I just didn't want to damage that pretty face of yours." He scoffed at your joke. He charged you again, setting off another round. It would take an hour of fighting like this before he became satisfied. You swung your foot to his face again, only for him to grab ahold of your ankle to stop it. His eyes met yours as the two of you panted.

The way he looked at you. It wasn't cold or calculating, no gears were turning. It had stopped. His grip loosened, a few fingers raising away. The glove on his hand made a loud creaking sound as he moved away. His expression appeared satisfied, content, and almost pleased. It made your cheeks feel warm. You weren't joking when you said, 'pretty face' you really did find him strangely attractive.

"We're done for now. We'll work on your pacing later." He told you as he pushed your foot away so it fell back to the floor. You hopped back as you tried to stabilize yourself as you watched him walk back to his chair. He tossed a bottle of water at you. You fumbled with it before finally grasping it to take a drink.

"How'd I do, teach?" You jokingly called him. He raised his brow at the name as he drank from his water.

"You need work, your style and movements need to be refined. And you could be a bit stronger. But," he paused, looking away from you, "you're okay. Our real focus needs to be on your quirk. You need to gain more control."

"Control." You muttered to yourself as you looked out a window in thought. "My meds always kept me in control."

"No. Your meds kept you weak. You needed structure and help, not medication." He told you, approaching you as he removed his gloves.

"Why don't you keep those on?" You asked. "Wouldn't it be easier to-"

"I can't rely on them all the time. Like your meds, If I wore them all the time, I'd hardly know how to function without them. Then, when I'd need to use my quirk, I might make a mistake and not realize it till it's too late." He placed his palm on your shoulder, fingers splayed out in the air. "I'd lose the control I've worked for. That's why you need to learn how to control your own powers. So you don't need the meds at all." Fingers came down on your shoulder, all but his thumb which held out. He gave your shoulder a tight squeeze.

"But, not everyone on meds can just go off them and be okay. That's not how it works, medication is different than gloves-" He squeezed tighter, leaning in closer to face you and get your attention.

"You're not everyone, Y/N. You're stronger than you think." He growled before suddenly letting go and walking out of the room. You gripped the water bottle in your hands as your heart raced in your chest. Your lip began to quiver and your eyes started to water. You hadn't heard those words in a longer time. It was strange to hear such encouraging words from him. But the way he looked at you, he meant it. You nervously looked around the room as the tears started to fall.

They were gentle, sad tears. When was the last time someone had been so encouraging? So, patient and willing to work with you like this. You chuckled through the tears at the horrible revelation. This came from a villian, your captor no less, a man trying to use you for his own selfish gain. Even now, in helping you, he was probably trying to use you to help him somehow. Still though, what did that say about your own family?

Speak of the devil. Your mother starred out the apartment window, teeth gnawing on her nail. Her eyes peered down at the cars below and the people on the street. Her other hand dug into her side, supporting her other elbow.

"Hey..." Toshinori called to her. She paused and turned her head towards him. Her eyes still anxiously glued to the window. Your father sighed. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" She spat.

"For...For everything." His terrible posture consumed him as he shuffled forward to stand beside her. "This is all my fault."

"No. It's not. It was my idea to send her to Japan for the summer." She stated. She continued to gnaw on her nail, absently starring outside.

"Can I ask you something?" He mumbled, sharing her view.

"What?"

"Back then...when we first met. Well, do you ever regret-"

"Are you asking me if I regret my own daughter?" She barked. Toshinori let out a startled grunt.

"Uh! No! I just- You never- All these years-" your mother sighed.

"Sometimes." She said softly, almost a whisper it was so quiet. "I wouldn't give her up for the world. But sometimes, I wish things were different. I wish I had known the things I know now. I just wish things could have been different."

"She told me about school. How come you never came to me for the money?" Your mother scoffed at him.

"It was never a money issue. It was a work issue. After her tantrum, she needed a distraction. She needed to stay focused on her work so she didn't fall behind. She ran away, yknow."

"No. I...I didn't."

"Yeah well, she threw a fit over something stupid, classes I think. She stopped taking her meds and ran away to a friend's house for a while before her friend called me to come get her. Her fits had gotten so bad it nearly destroyed her apartment. Had to call the police. It was so bad. She spent time in a facility for a month before she finally came around."

"A facility? Why didn't I hear about this?" Your mother turned to him with a sad and tired gaze.

"Why would you care? Usually you're too busy with hero work to even send her a birthday card. You think you could have helped her? You hardly even know her." Your mother scoffed. Toshinori fell silent before taking in a deep breath and speaking again.

"I may not have been there for her then, but," he held his head up, balling his hand into a fist, "I won't let her down this time. I promise, from here on out I'm going to be the best father I can be. I won't let my little girl down ever again."

"Where's this coming from? You hardly ever expressed interest in her before. Is it because she's finally someone that needs saving?" She mocked.

"It's true that I always put my career above everything else. Y/N always frightened me, I never knew what to say or do. I just wanted her to be safe, I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving her alone and letting her live her life away from mine. But when I saw her at the airport, all grown up, I realized how long it'd been. How absent I was. And talking to her, I realized how smart and kind she is. I regret not being there for her. For you, when you needed me. But she needs a hero now more than ever and I won't let either of you down."

"Are you sure you can handle it? From what I hear, your last fight with All For One was your last."

"I'll do what I can."

Taglist <3: 

@craftybean13 @babayaga67 @imjustverable

@bat-eclecticwolfbouquet-love

@kamenoyaki @hentaiqween101 @skzero-99

[rosesgonerogue]

I didn’t so much fall in love - It kicked me in the face  Chapter Five

Trigger Warning:  There's implied rape in this chapter, kids. It's never discussed or described explicitly, just beware, and keep yourself mentally safe and healthy.

The Wayne family wouldn’t leave Marinette’s head for a number of reasons. Their evident knowledge of the Lazarus Pit was an issue, and there was the fact that their butler was a previous Miraculous user. Tim also happened to have a bruise in the precise spot where she had kicked Red Robin the other day. Too many questions and coincidences were piling up for any one family, it was alarming. 

But the mere thought of Tim was incredibly distracting. A slight blush stole over her cheeks at the mere thought of him. He wasn’t what she had expected of the C.E.O. of Wayne Enterprises. To be completely honest, she had chosen to consult him last so she had time to get in the zone and not make a complete fool of herself. She had to act like a professional! 

But he’d also been kind, so incredibly kind when he had dealt with Leo, and unlike most people, completely non judgemental of the fact that she seemed too young to have a five-year-old. She felt… she wasn’t sure how she felt. She recognized some of the same emotions her younger self had felt around Adrien, but it was also more mature. She didn’t feel like she was going to trip over her tongue every time she spoke to him.

 Luckily Leo was absorbed in scribbling down one of his many ideas in the car, so she was able to try and puzzle some of this out.

Was she really suspecting Tim Drake of being Red Robin? Some of the mannerisms matched, sure, and there was also a possibility of the rest of Gotham’s vigilantes and the Wayne family being connected. It would explain a lot. She hadn’t seen much of Red Hood in action when he’d found her, and she’d seen absolutely nothing of the others, but from what she knew, it fit. It fit eerily well, even the mystery of the butler somehow felt right.

In the hotel room, Marinette and Leo were soon swarmed by eager kwamis. (Initially Marinette had been staunchly opposed to bringing the entire Miracle Box with her to Gotham, but as it was a longer stay, and a dangerous area, they convinced her that they needed to come as well. Secretly Marinette was convinced that they just wanted a sort of vacation.)

“How was it? What were the Waynes like?” 

“Were they handsome?” 

“Gotham is dangerous, are you okay?” 

“We’re just fine, thank you for worrying,” Marinette said warmly. “Duusu, I have an important question for you. Does the name Alfred Pennyworth mean anything to you?” 

The peacock’s face positively lit up. “Oh, did you meet Alfie? How is he? Where did you meet him?” 

“He’s the Waynes’ butler,” she explained, stretching her arms. “So you did know him?” 

“Oh, we worked together for years! He’s my favorite chick I’ve ever had. I would have happily stayed with him for years, but someone stole the brooch,” Duusu said, wilting a bit. “Nooroo and I were sold from buyer to buyer until Gabriel found us.” 

“Can he be trusted?” 

“Alfred? More than any other human I know.” 

Marinette patted the kwami on the head with one finger. “I’ll get a message to him, if you’d like.” 

“Just make sure that none of the Waynes overhear,” Wayzz warned. 

“They aren’t what they seems,” Trixx agreed sagely. 

“But they’re not bad people,” Leo said suddenly, notebook forgotten. “We can trust them when the time comes.” 

A shiver ran down Marinette’s spine as she looked into the eyes of her son. When Marinette was pregnant with him, she had worried endlessly. All previous holders had given up their Miraculous when they were pregnant, but their children were always faster, smarter, and stronger than average. But Marinette was the guardian, which sometimes made her feel like her body was more magic than human. How would it affect her dear child? 

Leo turned out to be the best child she had ever met. He could be mischievous at times, but he was endlessly kind. He was mature for any age, and Marinette often felt magic thrumming through him, though the kwami assured her that he had to be a bit older before that could manifest. All you had to do to see that he was different was look into Leo’s eyes; her son just saw more than other people. 

“I believe you, mon cher,” Marinette said with a smile. “You’ve never been wrong before.” 

“Monsieur Tim is the best, though,” Leo said gravely.. “He showed me their paintings and trophies and books, and it feels like we were supposed to meet him. He’s important.” 

**************

Tim couldn’t help but dive a little too deep into Marinette’s records. It wasn’t the most extensive report he’d ever done by any means, but the more he found out, the more he wanted to know. 

MDC was a saint. She frequently auctioned off commissions publicly for various charities, all respectable and legitimate, and  a good portion of her income was privately donated as well. But more than being a philanthropist, she also regularly organized community service efforts, none of which she connected to MDC’s brand, and all of which she ended up in the thick of, working harder than any other volunteer. 

One particular finding bothered Tim, however. He’d noticed with mixed feelings that there was no father listed on Leo’s birth certificate. That seemed contrary to Marinette’s character, but he very muchh did not want his suspicions to be proved correct. 

It was buried fairly deep, no part of the proceedings were made public - much to his horror, Marinette had still been a minor at the time of the trial. He didn’t know much of the French legal jargon, and most of the records were confidential enough that he didn’t dare go digging any farther. It wasn’t worth causing another international incident. 

The only concrete things Tim was able to learn were, 1.) at seventeen-years-old, Marinette had testified in court, and 2.) the man had been found guilty, and served a sentence that Tim couldn’t help but find too light. It was far too tempting to dig into the man’s past and completely ruin his life on the off chance that the man was ever released, so Tim forced himself to find a distraction. Remembering Leo’s words, that distraction came in the form of a particular Parisian superhero. 

He’d heard whispers of Ladybug, naturally, but he had mentally categorized her as a public mascot, someone that was of very little consequence or threat. There were hundred of PSAs with Ladybug online, and everyone knew about Ladybug Day, a day where everyone participated in some kind of service of kind deed. 

Tim wasn’t sure what he expected to find, maybe the actress’s name, but as soon as he dug any deeper than surface-level, he found himself tangled in a truly impressive firewall. He couldn’t help but be excited - he hadn’t had a challenge like that for quite some time. If Paris was this secretive about Ladybug, there was clearly more to her than meets the eye. 

The firewall took some skill to get around, but he wouldn’t be stopped. When he finally made it past everything, he leaned forward in his chair, eyes riveted to the screen.

Taglist: 

@ii-fox-demon @queen-in-a-flower-crown @novaloptr @saphiraazure2708 @iamabrownfox @smolplantmum @redhoodedtoad @loysydark @slytheringinger300 @finallyaniguana @brokenwordsarehard2 @abrx2002 @mystery-5-5 @zalladane @moonlightstar64  @marinettepotterandplagg @black-streak @purplesundaze @maribat-is-lifeblood @the-fusionist @river9noble @chocolatecatstheron @darkthunder1589 @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @dast218 @k-poplunardreams @meanids @changelinggarden @ladybug-182 @pawsitivelymiraculous @zotinha456 @tumbling-down-hills-and-stuff @somebodyspersephone @spider-person95 @zestyzealot

Author’s Note: 

I promised you guys some more Leo time, and I delivered! I love hearing your comments about him in particular - kid characters are tricky, but I've had a lot of fun with Leo, and I've picked bits and pieces of his personality from nieces and nephews that I still miss dearly. Let me know what you guys think!

On a slightly different note, I know that Leo’s dad is a different route than most Maribat authors would take. I understand that it’s a sensitive topic, but this is more of a recovery success story. I don’t want to undermine any of the canon characters, and Leo is more of a child of the kwamis than he is his biological father. We’re going to see more of that later, though. This is only really going to be brought up once more in the story. 

[halinski]

@seik-o my fishbrain buddy, hello again, it is time, I have watched 4.02 and I am not okay so here we are. How is Buck like Derek Hale? Let me unravel the threads of destiny

Let us take the last example: Buck hides his true feelings. Now that is an obvious Derek Hale move. Sure, one can say that they don't do it in a similar way whatsoever. Buck GoldenBoy Sunshine Buckley with his smiles and charm and his whole heart aka he tricks you into thinking he has no problems whatsoever. He tricks you into thinking he's 'simple' and easily satisfied. But on the other hand doesn't Derek do that too? He just uses the other end of the spectrum. He will be an ass, he will frown and glare and threaten with all he has, for the sake of others. Let's say Derek isn't as successful, but hey, they're both in it with their HEARTS okay

(idk wtf I am typing, I have emotinns but no words halp)

Buck drops everything to help Red, a stranger. Just like he will go to ALL LENGTHS for people he sees need his help. He has mama bear instincts for Chris in the tsunami. He takes everything personally. He goes in wholeheartedly, and completely for other people.

Derek will trade his life for theirs, for Scott, for Stiles, for Jackson, for Boyd, for Erica, even for Lydia. For EVERYONE.

They both deem themselves unworthy. Of love, of appreciation. They think they have so much to prove, so much to make right. (They don't realize how much love they harbor and share and what effect it has)

They come to us ALONE, and yet yearning for family. Derek wants a brother, wants his sister, his uncle, his pack. He's a lone wolf who knows that wolves are always stronger together. Buck; Buck has no one and nothing before the 118, we hear it from him ALL the time, and yet- he adopts Bobby into the father role, in less than 3 months. He's ready. He inserts himself into the Diaz family. Just like that.

The compassion and empathy these boys have. The drive they have. And like, they hide their emotions yes, verbally, and in interactions but if you just WATCH- Holy hell, you can see their songs of sorrow and it's whole journey. They're reckless, but they're very composed when it comes to what they will say. But just look at them and you'll see how vulnerable they are. They'll cover it up quick- but the eyes.

Derek, any time he gets abused, looking up at his abuser. Buck, with the abusive therapist, with Abby, every time he's about to lose the firefighting position and the fam. The walls go up quick, especially with Buck.

Like that's the thing though, Buck is so much better at it. He's further along in the healing process. (Ofc different lives and all but like generalizing a bit). He's more healed. He's made the conscious decision to settle, to take on a stressful job, to accept people into his life. He's made his way through the world through countless jobs and places to find his place. And he's finding it. He's in the process of finding himself in it. But he's made the base. Derek is a leaf in the wind in canon. He is smakc dab in the middle of the festering wound.

So Buck is faster with the walls, better with the -push down all your feelings and be logical, be polite, figure it out, that's your job. One second you see vulnerability, then struggle, you blink and it's gone. He's steadier. I'm not saying he doesn't waver. He's far from healthy still. But if you compare it to depression, he's in the "power through" phase while Derek literally lives in burnt out ashes of his childhood home.

Buck has not yet forgive his past but he's ready to be a new person and do with what he's got. Derek is still in survival mode. But they are both golden hearted wounded souls, who wear their gigantic heart on their sleeves bc they feel the pain of the world, and have been made to feel they don't matter, that they're not enough, and that's their place- and yet still never. Stop. Trying.

You see Derek almost get killed a dozen times. Does he EVER mention giving up? Buck sues the department before anyone gets to take away his livelihood- what he sees as his life (remember, in his eyes, there is nothing else). They're all or nothing little idiots, who are smarter than anyone gives them credit for simply because they themselves never give themselves the credit, nor the break.

Their wounded little children as soon as someone shows trust and faith in them. Take the moment when Stiles gives up first line for Derek in s1 before the alpha Peter reveal, and when Stiles almost drowns for Derek in s2. THE EYES. And take Buck when Eddie drags him out of bed to babysit Chris just to save him, and then brings Chris back again right after the tsunami.

These are boys who haven't been given a break for a day in their lives and you know what? They STILL don't stop growing, don't stop flourishing. Because they don't care. You can't break their spirits. No quarantine can stop Buck from getting better, working on himself. No genocidal hunters are gonna stop Derek from being true to himself, his wolf. You cannot crush them.

They will keep searching, keep bearing their hearts against their better will, they will keep fighting and giving every single piece of themselves okay and imma stop now bc I am just

[kimikitty96]

Goodbye Letter to my Eating Disorder

It’s been hard. The past 3 years were so difficult, I’m surprised I haven’t completely lost myself. From having relationship problems, to deaths in my family (my brother and kitty died), to being sexually assaulted in the gym, to almost losing my mom this past year...suffice it to say, it’s been rather difficult. 

I turned to my old “friend���, Edward. We “met” when I was 8 years old, and lost touch when I started working at 21 years old. Or, at least I thought we lost touch; he just put on a mask. But here he was again. He was there for me when I was struggling the most. No one else understood my pain the way he did, and no one numbed me like he did. He gave me the drive and motivation to get out of bed and to go to the gym; he kept me from faltering on my diet and turn to comfort eating; he continued to cheer me on when I made mistakes and would tell me to keep going. When I have injuries, he’d tell me that my initial weight loss was not due to me exercising, but my eating habits and to not worry, I can still continue! When I got sexually assaulted at my gym, he said to me that I never have to go back to that gym, and that I can go anywhere else to get my “Brazilian Booty”. He suggested I take a trip to Vegas and just enjoy myself, then come back and get serious.

He comforted me when my fiance would reject me, saying if I listened to him, I won’t need my fiance because I’d be able to attract the guy I really wanted, that all I needed was a little push. When my kitty passed away, Edward allowed me to grieve and to celebrate her life by going to a buffet and enjoying seafood, on one condition: I had to make sure that I was right back on track by making sure that I would “let my body rest” from food for a couple of days.

Last July (2019), I went into PHP because I knew something was seriously wrong. Edward was no longer helping me. His voice grew louder in my head, and what used to be gentle nudging became more forceful, more frustrated. Here was his evolution:

-”Oh, you want carbs? Well, that’s okay! You can have carbs and use it as energy for the gym when doing cardio/lower body workout tomorrow! Just make sure you lower your fat intake, okay?”

-”Yes! There’s a food festival! Make sure you get your 10k steps before you go, okay? We’ll eat everything we want, just like those fitness people do on YouTube! You’ve earned it!”

-”Oh, you gained weight...again. I mean...maybe you should lower your calories again. You’re eating a bit more than you’re supposed to, so just make sure your weekly calories are where they’re supposed to be.”

-”Lord, you failed an exam??? Okay, you need to hit the gym harder so you can focus better.”

-”[Fiance] refused to touch you again? It’s been a month since the last time? Why do you even want him to touch you at this point? You should just think about that guy who molested you at the gym, since that’s all you can get at this point.”

“You failed another exam? Jesus christ, you need to focus harder. You’ll never finish community college and get into [#1 dream school] if you continue like this! But if you let your body rest from food, you’ll have mental clarity and will remember your course material better.”

-”Oh, fiance said no to you again. You really need to stop having these “cheat days” or “cheat meals”. He’s getting more and more grossed out by you every day.”

-“Why can’t you just stop eating the junk foods you’re eating? You were able to do it before. You’re so stupid, you can’t even get this right. You know what? I’m going to test your willpower. Go out and buy junk food, and stare at it and say no!”

-”See, he’s flirting with so many other women at his work. This is why he won’t touch you. You’re stupid and ugly; you’re worth nothing unless you are at the top of your class, and weigh less than [UGW]!”

-”Why can’t you stop eating?!?! Why do you have the willpower of a drug addict?! You’re nothing! Get rid of that! You don’t deserve your meal! GET RID OF IT NOW!”

-”JESUS CHRIST, YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID! IT’S YOUR FAULT YOUR FIANCE DON’T WANT YOU! YOU’RE WORTH LESS THAN NOTHING! YOU DESERVED BEING GROPED AT THE GYM BECAUSE THAT IS YOUR WORTH!”

-”See? You failed a class you already took! This is how stupid and [ableist expletive] you are. You can’t even do that shit right. YOU ARE NOTHING. YOU HAVE NEGATIVE WORTH.”

-”Your brother died because he had diabetes. Your mother almost died because of diabetes. They couldn’t control; the shit they put in their mouths, and you will end up with the same fate because your dumb ass can’t even say no to a chip.”

-”Oh, you lost another friend? That’s because you’re a piece of shit. You’ve always been a piece of shit. You deserve to be alone. No one should be subjected to the bullshit that is you. You should just KYS.”

-”No, you can’t have that! You can’t touch food unless I say so! I don’t care that it’s been a week!”

-”No don’t touch food! It’s all poison! It’s going to kill you! Look what it did to your mom and brother! You’re gonna lose your dad too because all food is poison! DON’T TOUCH ANY FOODSTUFFS!!!”

*Me, fainting, at home alone, because I haven’t eaten in a week and my heart rate is in the low 50′s*

-”Why are you being an attention whore? Stop your bitch ass whining and go pee.”

*My response* “Bitch, there’s no one here! Who am I being an attention whore to, my cats?!”

-”Yes! Now stop being a whiny bitch and go pee!”

-”Why are you still here? Why aren’t you doing everyone on this earth a favor and disappear. No one would miss you. They’re not even thinking of you right now. No one misses you now. Everyone is just pretending to like you because they feel sorry for you. They actually really hate you. Just disappear. They don’t want you around anyway.”

-”Leave. Disappear. No one wants you. Just take [redacted], and go to sleep.”

Edward was not helping me. He made it seem like he was, but he wasn’t. He entered my life during a time when I was vulnerable and made me believe he would be my redemption. He knew me; he knew what was best for me. He could make me better/stronger/more beautiful/more desirable/smarter; all I had to do was listen.

That’s not who he is. He is a monster. He’s worse than that; he is pure evil that nothing and no one should ever allowed in. He took what I give him, and it’s not enough. It’s never enough. Once I did what he told me to do, he tells me to go farther because while it’s good, I can do better; I can be better. He destroyed everything I touch and turned it against me so that I couldn’t rely on anyone but him. He isolated me and introduced me to his partner-in-crime, Shame. The more Edward spoke, the more Shame consumed. 

When I thought Edward was giving me drive and motivation to go workout so I could improve myself, in reality, he was telling me my body was grotesque and that I needed to punish myself because I mistreated my body. When he tried to keep me from faltering on my diet, he was telling me I shouldn’t eat [xyz] so I can be healthy, when in reality, he was encouraging me to binge/purge/restrict/fast, causing heart palpitations, unstable-low blood pressure, gastrointestinal distress, brain fog, increased bouts of depression, and severe low self esteem; instead of being healthy, he made me extremely unhealthy. When he continued to cheer me on whenever I injured myself due to too much physical exertion and would tell me to “reign my diet in”, the reality was that he caused these injuries by telling me that I had to keep going no matter how hard I trained, that I couldn’t eat enough calories so I could heal and recover, and that even though I was injured, I couldn’t rest and had to continue to exercise. When I got sexually assaulted at my gym, he graciously allowed me to transfer gyms and continue to workout and ignore my mental health when in reality...he wanted to keep me mentally weak so that I would continue to rely on him because he made clothes fit better.

He made it so clothes can fit better; clothes I bought, that I wasn’t allowed to wear, because my body wasn’t where he wanted it to be, therefore I didn’t deserve to wear them yet. 

The past few months have been the most difficult out of the 3 years I’d been struggling; COVID, finishing school and transferring to uni, cheating on my fiance, my mom almost dying (twice), and really delving deep inside me to come to terms with everything I went through and being completely honest with myself...I never want to go through that again. But I am extremely grateful I did, because I saw who Edward really was. I saw him for the toxic, vile, awful evil entity he always was, and now I get to say goodbye.

To Edward:

Thank you for who you were when you back into my life (again). Thank you for helping me cope with my issues, and for keeping my head afloat; you did the best you could, given the circumstances you had. I was broken, hurt, lost, and saw nothing good in me. You showed me that I can be better, and that I can do better. I just have to push a little harder, and I’ll eventually get what I want.

You gave me something to hold on to in the beginning, and thankfully, I figured out your toxicity before it was too late for me. This is me telling you that I want to part ways. I know you’ll still be around, because you are my oldest “friend”, and I know you will do your very best to get me to succumb to your ways. But like you taught me, if I just have a little bit of willpower and a little bit of strength and perseverance, I can achieve what I want; that the only person stopping me is myself. I can either move forward, or sabotage myself once more; it was, and is, completely up to me, isn’t that right?

Thank you for the lessons you taught me. I will utilize them to fight you every single day of my life. Yes, I will have setbacks. Yes, I will falter. But like you taught me; if I falter, I need to keep going. What was it you used to tell me? If I miss a workout, or eat something I wasn’t supposed to, that I needed to work twice as hard the next day? That’s exactly what I’m going to do. If I let you in, I will tell myself that it’s okay to make a mistake, and that I can always turn my back on you whenever you appear. The only difference between your lesson and my OWN words is that I will forgive myself for allowing you back in. 

I want to thank you for all the vitriolic words you’ve shouted at me. If it weren’t for that, I would’ve never seen the kindest words uttered to me by the ones who do love and care about me (yes, the people in my life love me despite your insistence that they don’t). I want to thank you for the discipline you’ve instilled upon me. If it weren’t for that, I would’ve never remembered the drive I have at succeeding at endeavors that mean a lot to me. And you know what means a lot to me? 

I MEAN A LOT TO ME!

So I will work my hardest to make sure I fight you every single god damn day of my life, and in doing so, empower me to be the best me I can. And you know what it means to be the best me? It’s to be my most authentic and honest and forgiving self. I means I can finally love and appreciate me the way I love and appreciate everyone in my life.

This is my goodbye. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Kitty 

[aotopmha]

Notes on chapter 132, based on translations that are out.

-I like how Annie is written out on the character level. The chapter goes into detail considering her character motivations so far and why she decides to stay behind.

One thing I've noticed is people reducing Annie's character to her relationship with Armin now that it exists at all. It's like a knee-jerk reaction every time a female character ends up having a relationship with a male character. I understand it, stories tend to do that and I feel like the romantic element for Annie's and Armin's relationship is kind of out of nowhere myself, but this and the previous chapter clearly explore that Annie is tired of fighting after all of the fighting she has done and I think it makes sense for her as an individual character. It has nothing to do with Armin. Her main scenes in this chapter were actually with Mikasa and Reiner. It's a strange hyper-focus to me, I guess. It happens with Mikasa, too. You've got basically a good chunk of an arc focusing on the relationship between her and Armin with Eren doing his own thing (both Trost and Shiganshina), but she still only cares about Eren, I guess.

This is actually the first time Annie has considered her feelings and what she wants and that's good progress for a character that hates herself.

That said, having her back after 90 or so chapters and not having her actions matter that much here is wierd. The most I see as her plot importance right now is knocking sense into Reiner. I've seen people write the ship crew off already, but I can't help but feel they still might end up having more time and relevance because of paths or some other unforeseen circumstances. I think Gabi and Falco are in a similar situation, as well. If they don't, I think I will have a problem with Annie's involvement in the plot, but I think on a character level she's been handled just fine, even really solidly.

-I like that Floch dies with strong convictions and good intentions in mind. This is the most interesting aspect of Eren and the Yeagerists to me. They are doing this because they want to protect their country and people they love.

While people generally consider fascism as completely evil because of it's horrible methodology (as we also see in this series), the reason why it catches on during times of crisis is because it provides a clear and well-defined perspective within the chaos of the crisis and part of that is the element of saving the people (country) you love. This is a really important element of fascism and the reason why I'd rather not Eren be reduced to the standard villain, but still retain his nuance by the end. Evil is just as human and comes from just as human places as good and for us to not make the same mistakes, it is best to understand the mistakes on a human level and then learn from them, not just brush them off.

-I like Hange's death. It incorporates elements from both, Erwin's and Armin's, sacrifice. She went out there to make all of the deaths mean something and dedicated her heart one last time, which carried on Erwin's will till the end. The final scene of her among everyone is a wonderful callback to the soldiers who have followed the Survey Corps commanders around on their journey, from Erwin standing on the corpses of his comerades to both Erwin and Hange looking at their faces. It's good pathos in my eyes.

I think her farewell scene with Levi was really good for just how well it conveyed their relationship in a couple of gestures.

I've seen the final scene actually considered real and not symbolic of a job well done for Hange for the situation she was handed (which is what I think its narrative purpose was), which I personally think is one of the dumbest ideas I've seen around about the chapter because I think this is a pretty typical trope in war stories and AoT itself has used this stuff before at various points, with, as said, all the scenes with Erwin and Hange seeing their comerades.

But we also see stuff like Jean imagining him and the group of trainees being eaten by Titans before joining the Survey Corps just to convey a state of mind.

Erwin was not actually standing on those corpses, folks. It's all thematic imagery just like all of the animal stuff here and there. Hell, the people Hange knows less even have their backs turned to her.

If it is meant to be literal, it is extremely uncharacteristic of the story, but I feel if you know anything about visual storytelling and visual storytelling tropes, this is pretty typical.

I know there is also contention about Hange being the one to go out there and delay the Titans, but I don't think any of them would be able to do as much as Hange did alone here.

Onyakapon is obviously needed to fly the plane.

Reiner and Pieck would be pretty much useless in their Titan forms and we don't even know if Pieck can actually use the 3DMG, which is the more smarter option here to use over her tiny Titan form.

Connie and Jean going out there has nothing to do with their position in the story and their character arcs, while Hange is the one carrying the weight of the responsibility. Can you also really imagine Connie or Jean having the same competency taking down Titans as Hange, someone who has been doing it far longer than any of them?

Maybe Armin and Mikasa could. But that might leave the possibility of getting through to Eren off the table. I think what people also forget is that Eren still felt guilty when fighting them. Everyone Eren knows facing him might actually be a tactical advantage.

Hange does have a connection with Eren, but most of the group has a much stronger one with him than her.

Finally, there is Levi, who can't even stand up properly. I don't think he is fit enough to even hold off one Titan and as a result they would all be dead.

Outside of this group is also Annie, Yelena, Kiyomi and the two kids and only Annie feels the one equipped enough to take the distraction role.

But ultimately I think it's a thing of principle and character perspective.

Reiner and Annie can use the 3DMG in fairly skilled ways (they are higher ranked among the 104th), they have regenerative abilities and they are in a fairly good physical condition (though also probably much more exhausted than Hange). I think you could spin their character stories to fit this situation if you really wanted. Either of them could've gone to sacrifice themselves for the group to get away.

But Hange is the leader so she thinks she should take the responsibility. She straight-up says that she hasn't been a very efficent leader, so she views this as a redemption of sorts. Armin even offers to go instead of her.

You could paint it as plot convinience and be done with it, but just like Levi's decision to not inject Erwin, I think it makes sense on a character level and what Hange's character struggle has been about in this arc, even if it's not the most "logical" decision.

The other element that has contention related to Hange is that she passed the position of commander over to Armin.

In any other position, I would agree it to be Jean, but considering the context of going to fight Eren, I think Armin is fine and this to me is supported by the reasons Hange gives to appoint Armin as the commander.

Hange says that she appoints Armin because of his insight and courage.

The small detail that even if he's falling to pieces emotionally, he never actually runs away might be useful in the confrontation with Eren. Maybe he'll be overwhelmed and indecisive at points, which is why Jean could be more fitting, but ultimately he ends up at least facing the issue throughout however much turmoil.

While his ability to see the world through a more nuanced light and willingness to cooperate is not only a thematic way to contrast Eren and Armin (the former being stuck in his own perspective and the latter being willing to talk), his reasonings and wake-up calls might get through to Eren much more strongly because they have done so before, in Trost and in Shiganshina.

In any other situation I'd pick Jean, but here I think Armin is better or at the very least also a good option. It's not completely unreasonable.

I do not think this means any of the arcs of the characters are thrown under the bus. I feel everyone on the plane will get closure to their arcs. I think Jean's leadership ability will become relevant. I think Reiner's desire to be a hero will become relevant. I think Pieck's desire to fulfill her responsibility as a warrior will become relevant. I even think Connie's desire to kill Zeke will become relevant and finally so will Armin's and Mikasa's connection with Eren.

I'm much more worried about Zeke and Historia.

I think Historia is essential to make the thematic backbone of the story work. She's the first one among the Reiss to step up and break it. Why would she attempt to break the cycle by playing into it? I think Historia got another perspective of whatever Eren saw and might be working against that. Sadly it probably still involved letting Eren start the rumbling, but perhaps she found a way for it not to go all the way.

We know the oath of the First King is not actually a thing now because Ymir refused to comply, so who says Historia and paths Ymir can't have an encounter.

As a final note, I like the moment with Mikasa and Annie from Mikasa's perspective. The story opted to have Mikasa gain a more healthy perspective on Eren rather than complete independence from him and that can happen. You can go the independence route, but I think this works, too.

Relationships can change for the better and they can change for the worse.

All of this said, I think most of the content was nicely substantial and made sense, but that isn't the main issue I have with this chapter.

I think it has a pacing problem. Some scenes are just fine, but I feel some are a little too quick to have as much impact as I'd like them to have. Mainly Floch's and Hange's death scenes. The point behind them is good, but I think just a couple more pages of breathing room would've made this good chapter a great one.

I do think the anime giving this chapter just a little bit more time could definitely make it great and improve on the other ones where pace bothers me.

[kylo-hen]

Physical Education

A/N: This is my first fic I’ve ever published please be gentle lmao. Feedback is welcome though, I have no clue what I’m doing and it shows. 

Clyde Logan & Sadie’s Teacher!Reader

Warnings: None I can think of other than probable grammatical error and fluff

Summary: Sadie decides to bring her Uncle Clyde to career day and he hits it off with her teacher. 

Physical education

      Teaching is not a learned skill. It’s not taught like math or science, and it’s not something you can take as an extra-curricular in high school. Yes, you can get better over time and with practice but sometimes it just comes down to whether or not you have the gift. Patience.

     When I was younger, I used to wait in line at the bus stop dutifully like my mama taught me, hair tied up in an updo that probably took mama way too long to do in the ungodly hours of six am. She used her steady practiced hands to guide my hair into the place she wanted, and that’s when I learned I came from patient people. She would listen to my stories with rapt attention, nodding when needed, and interjecting her own wisdom only when she knew it was right. She was the most patient woman in the world and I learned everything I knew about teaching from her.

    When she passed, I knew she just wanted me to be happy, she never pushed me to be anything less than that. She waited out all the phases, the trials and errors of my college years, the rough patch of rebellion in high school, and even the short time after college when I had refused to do anything but take care of her in her final months of life. She urged me to go and work more than part time at big earl’s dinner down the road, she urged me to use my gift.

     After she was gone, the funeral was finished, and the casserole pans returned to the PTA moms who lent them, there wasn’t much tethering me to the once special town that I lived. The memories there were more bitter than sweet and I couldn’t bring myself to stay. So, when the time was right and the dust settled, I applied to teach in all parts and I promised the first job that gave me a green light would be the one to take. That’s what got me to where I am today, a third-grade teacher in Boone County, West Virginia.

    I enjoy teaching third grade; they have such big hearts and rarely ever is there an issue of behavior more than an over-excited kid in class. They look at the world so with wonder in every instance and my job is to facilitate that growth. This being my first year at Boone County Elementary school came with a rather big learning curve, with everyone knowing everyone else in town it was hard to break into the system the town had somehow set up. There was an unspoken understanding of respect and honor to some, not that those always earned it, and that others were destined to repeat the past.

    Sadie Logan was one of those poor souls labeled with a curse of some kind. The kids in her class mentioned it at all given occasions when Sadie proved herself smarter and stronger than them. Sadie was smart as whip, funny as all get out, and had a big heart full of love for the people in her life. She sat with me in my room before class and I taught her all sorts of things from checkers, to long division. When the spring came around so did the third-grade class’s career day, which Sadie’s usual excitement for school seemed to double.

     The morning after the day was announced and the forms were sent home, Sadie came bursting into my room with her usual intense excitement, “Miss L/N!” she called out.

    “Is that Miss Sadie Logan already?” I teased while she hung her backpack on her hook that lined the wall opposite of the board, “I could have sworn It was too early to have a monkey in class!” She flipped around with a loud laugh and a piece of paper in her hand.

    “I’m not a monkey, Miss L/N!” she approached my desk proudly, “I gotta question ‘bout career day though!” She swayed back and forth as she waited for me to respond.

    “Alright then Miss Sadie, shoot.”

     “Well, I told my mama ‘bout it and she wanted Moody-” at the mention of his name I felt my skin start to crawl. He wasn’t my favorite parent having already disrespected me on meet the teacher night back in October. His wandering eyes and condescending attitude made me want to cry by the end of the night. I just hoped he wouldn’t rub off on sweet little Sadie.

     “- to do it, but Moody said he can’t just stop workin’ for some stupid fair!” She sighed exasperatedly like he had personally offended her, which I’m sure he did, “which is st- it’s silly, Miss L/N! So, when my Daddy came by to pick me up for ice cream, I asked him!” she grinned ear to ear, I hadn’t met her father but Sadie spoke so highly of him I couldn’t imagine him to be anything less than a proper gentleman.

    “So, your daddy’s gonna’ be the one comin’ in?” I asked softly, after she paused taking a big breath.

     “Well, not quite! I talked to my daddy and he can’t because he’s gonna be workin in the mines that day and he don’t have enough time off to be able to come!” I frowned at her words, I was really hoping to have her father come so I could tell him how great Sadie was in and out of class. I also know how happy she would be to have her dad there to sit with her at lunch and tell stories and play with her at recess. “But don’t worry! He came up with an even better plan, but I gotta’ ask your permission first!” She beamed up at me in the thought of her plan.

    “Now what did your daddy think up for ya’?” I asked, excited to hear more of the shenanigans he had planned for the two of them.

    “Since he couldn’t come and Moody couldn’t either! And mama don’t have a job!” I gave her a look, telling her to respect her mama whether she had a job or not. “what? S’not mean if I’m just bein’ honest Miss. L/N!” She defended herself.

     “I know that Sadie, but it’s your tone a’ voice.” I spoke softly to the girl, “Your mama works hard to make sure you’re happy and healthy and that’s very important.” I explained and she seemed to take a moment to let the words sink in. “So, if your daddy can’t come and neither can Moody, and you don’t want your mama to come, then who’s comin’ in for ya?” I asked putting the girl back on track.

    “Well, My Uncle Clyde said he could do it!” She bounced excitedly, “And he’s real cool too! He was in the army and now he has one arm and he’s super tall and sometimes he puts me on his shoulders and walks me around and I can touch the clouds!” She rambled on about her uncle excitedly. Sadie had mentioned her uncle Clyde in passing, she knew he was a veteran, that he liked goin’ with Sadie and her dad to the fair, and now that he was super tall. A warm glow in my heart began to bloom at the idea of meeting someone from her dad’s side of the family. Sadie was such a good kid that the side of the family must be a good one.

    “That sounds like a great plan! What do you need to ask permission for?”

     “Well, my mama said that since he wasn’t my… legal guardian I had to ask.” She spoke like her mama made her rehearse it before dropping her off this morning. “So, is it alright if my uncle comes instead?” She pleaded with me.

     “That’s just fine with me Miss Sadie.” I spoke, taking her slip from her to sign off on the change of plans, as I finished my signature the bell rang and with it the rest of the class began to filter their way into the classroom. “Why don’t you put this in your take home folder and find your seat before we start the pledge?” I smiled down at her and she beamed back before heading to her desk. With Sadie in her seat and the rest of the class milling about, the day began.

    Career day came around quicker than I’d have liked. I had pushed of decorating until the morning of, which I’m currently regretting as I stand on a chair desperately trying to pin up the second half of the banner, I had made last week. I had already hung some streamers, set up extra seats, and re-arranged the desks so they’re in a semi-circle. I also lugged my old card table from my garage for the refreshments the parents were bringing.

    With not much time left before class I found the second half of the banner was going to be a bigger stretch than I was anticipating. Beads of sweat began to collect on my forehead, I thanked all that was holy I had extra deodorant in my desk just in case.

     If I stretched just a couple inches further the banner would be perfectly taught, as I pushed one last time to secure it, I heard the door open behind me.

     “Miss L/N!” Sadie shrieked in excitement, bounding into the class, unfortunately for me when I tried to swivel to greet her, I miscalculated the end of the chair. Once I was about halfway facing the girl my foot began to slip, and I braced myself for the impact of the floor beneath me.

    Instead of the floor meeting my impact I was embraced by a solid chest and the aroma of deep pine, leather, and a smokey bonfire. I felt the firm arm that circled my waste, it was warm and sturdy like my mother’s hands in my hair when I grew up, or my grandfather when he would come by to fix stuff around the house before he died. The feeling was like waking up on Sunday and it smelled like the first feeling of fall. When I opened my eyes, it was even more enchanting.

     When Sadie mentioned her Uncle Clyde, she should have said he was younger than her father. She also could have warned her how attractive he is. No, that would have been weird. Clyde looked down at me with concern in his whiskey colored eyes, a deep furrow in his brow, and I couldn’t help the heat that crept up from my spine into my chest and face. The awkward shame of being a complete clutz in front of this incredibly attractive man.

      “You alright ma’am?” He asked in a soft voice, oh god his voice, that only made me want to hide under my desk than confront the fact I’ve made an absolute fool of myself.

      “Yes,” I stammered out, re-gaining my upright footing on the ground and straightening out my clothes only to realize the man standing in front of me is well over six feet tall. I stared up at him with wide eyes before I realized he was waiting for me to say something, “I’m so sorry, Mr. Logan this isn’t how I expected to meet anyone today,” I looked around to make sure no one else was here but Sadie, “My name is-“

      “Miss L/N,” He finished for me with a small polite smile, “Sadie talks ‘bout you a lot, she loves your class.” He compliments and I felt my heart grow at the praise.

      “Well, I love having Sadie In my class, she’s a bright lady, and please, call me y/n,” I clarified, which wasn’t something I was planning on doing with parents, but he wasn’t Sadie’s guardian.

    “Well then, y/n, you can call me Clyde,” He extended his arm to shake and I took it happily. “Do you want me to hold the chair while you finish up with the banner? It’s too nice to be hangin’ from one side.” He complimented again which was sending shockwaves of joy through my veins.

     “That would be really helpful Clyde, thank you.” I replied, carefully stepping up to the chair and grabbing the end of the banner. With the steady help of Clyde, hanging the banner was a breeze. Once it was set and I stepped off the chair, with another helpful hand from Clyde, I was able to breathe fully.

    Sadie, who had been sitting in the back corner of the room I had set up for a comfortable reading center, popped up. “Uncle Clyde, what’d you pack for lunch?” She was dead set on the odd question.

    “Aunt Mellie packed us the same lunch Sadie bug, so I reckon’ I’ll have what you’re havin’.” He spoke in few words but I hung onto each as if they would be the last he ever spoke in front of me.

    “Miss L/n?” she turned her attention to me, “Are ya’ gonna eat lunch with Uncle Clyde and me?” She spoke, sometimes on special days teachers sit with their students at lunch, but today was not one of those days.

    “Not today Sadie, I’ve got to stay in here and guard the room from the hallway trolls!” I exaggerated for her delight. She giggled and when I looked up, I saw Clyde had a soft endearing smile on his face that made me want to jump head first into him.

    “We oughta’ leave her to that for lunch huh Sadie bug?” Clyde offered and Sadie nodded earnestly plopping back down in the corner to finish her book. Clyde looked back at me bashfully, like I had caught him in a private moment.

    “It’s real sweet for you to be here today.” I started as I walked to the refreshment table, “Would you like a coffee?” I offered him. When I turned back, he snapped out of the daze he was In and nodded silently as I poured him a cup into a cheap Styrofoam cup. “I don’t know many uncle’s who would step up like this. Cream?”

    “Erm- no. No, thank you.” He stammered and I handed him the cup, “Us Logan’s tend to be a tight knit bunch.” He affirmed my beliefs.

     “That sounds nice.” I hummed, sipping my own coffee from earlier.

    “That’s what families do.” He stated, underplaying the significance of his situation.

    “Not all families,” I murmured mostly to myself.

    “Hm?” He asked for clarification, I hadn’t even realized he heard me.

     “Oh! Nothing, sorry, I was talking to myself really.” I felt the embarrassment rise in me again. When I looked up at him to say something the bell rang. “Well, hope you enjoyed the quiet, I doubt you’ll be gettin’ any more of that here.” As if proving my point, the class, and their respective parents filed in for the start of the day.

    The whole morning was filled, one by one people explaining their job, how they got it, why they like it, and what the best thing about their job is. That’s followed by a series of questions from the students which almost never have anything to really do with their job.

    Clyde was the last to go, explaining how he was in the army, why he joined the fight, he told a story about one of his friends he met in Iraq and that he’s a bartender now. After a couple minutes of explaining what a bartender is, and what he does now that he’s not in the army, the kids finally asked about his hand. I expected him to get a little agitated maybe, or shy, but really, he took the questions in a stride.

    “How do you pee with one hand?” one of the kids questioned, his mother immediately blushing out of the second-hand embarrassment, but before Clyde could answer or the mother could reprimand him, I interrupted.

    “Mr. Bradley, you know better than that sir.” I began softly, “Remember last week we talked about boundaries, well you’ve gotta apologize for breakin’ Mr. Logan’s boundaries.” I reminded him, and he let out a disappointed apology at the man.

    “S’alright, I actually get that one a lot from people a lot older than you.” He joked and some of the parents in the back laughed it off. “’Sides I got this fancy arm here now.” He lifts up his sleeve to show off the dark green prosthetic. It looked incredibly high tech and impressive, but all I could wonder was how that metal would feel in contrast to his skin.

    Before I could go any deeper into that thought the bell rang and it was time for recess. I stood in front of the class, next to Clyde, and announced “Alright friends! It’s recess time, I want you all to line up with your parent’s behind Mr. Logan here, and we’ll go out.” I grabbed my keys and stood just in front of Clyde watching the mass of students and parents file into a nice line.

    Once everyone was set, I led the class out the classroom, down the hall and out a side door to the playground. I led them to a big oak tree next to a bench in the shade. “Alright friends! I know all my smart children know this but once the recess monitor blows the whistle we meet back here!” I announced, mostly for the adults. “Now, make sure you’re all careful and nice to each other, if your guests want to play, they can but if they don’t, we have to do what?” I asked, waiting for their response.

    “Respect their choice.” The class answered in a monotone fashion, just ready to get on the playground. So, I dismissed them and in a varying degree of excitement the crowd dispersed. Most parents went off with their kid but Clyde seemed to linger back.

    “Mind if I hang back for a bit?” He asked politely gesturing to the bench I was already seated on.

    “Not one bit,” I allowed and he sat with a gruff sigh, “I’m surprised you’re not bein’ pulled in a million directions. After the boys found out you were in the army, I thought they’d be buggin’ ya to play with them.” I wondered aloud, watching the young kids kick around a soccer ball in the field.

    “I think that’s Sadie’s doin.” He answered shortly, only elaborating when I gave him a confused look.

    “She talkin’ bad about you behind your back?” I asked.

    “No, I think she was hopin’ you and I’d be friends.” I stiffened, my quick little crush on him must be obvious for his third-grade niece to try and throw me a bone.

    “Oh, Clyde I’m sorry, if you don’t want to sit with-“ I began, but he cut me off.

    “Don’t worry Darlin, if I didn’t want to sit with ya’ I wouldn’t be.” He affirmed in his sturdy assured manner of speaking. I subconsciously moved closer to him. “I hope you don’t mind my askin but, what brings you to Boone County?” He asked innocently.

    “Well Clyde I’d tell ya’ but I think it would take me a couple drinks first.” I avoided the answer, knowing if there was any chance this man liked me back it would be squashed by me crying on him at the playground.

    “That does seem to be my specialty darlin’.: He replied smoothly, gaining a confidence I hadn’t seen in him earlier. Maybe he was being polite, but I hoped he was just getting more comfortable with me.

    “Well, then you should have no trouble making drinks strong enough to get my secrets from me.” I rebutted; it was a little too honest for my liking but the way Clyde was looking at me made me want to tell him all my little truths.

    “I’ve got different ways of gettin’ secrets out of a lady and gettin’ you drunk ain’t one.” He responded with an understated grin, it’s like he knows what he is doing to me.

    The rest of recess was spent under the sturdy oak tree on a bench talking to Clyde about trivial things. He didn’t bring up anything from my past that he may want to know and vice versa. I was curious how a man like him could be single until it hit me that he never really specified that he was in fact single. The thought of Clyde having a wife or girlfriend at home waiting for him made my stomach turn all throughout the lunch period. I thanked God that I was able to regroup in my room rather than stand in the cafeteria monitoring the kids.  

    I spent most of the period cleaning up the room and setting out a craft that would take a good portion of the rest of the day since the kids weren’t going to their usual elective class. This helped even my mind out of funk Clyde put it in. Just as I felt like my brain, and its hormones, mellowed out there was a knock at the door. When I opened it, Clyde stood there with none other than Sadie on his shoulders.

     “Hope ya’ don’t mind Miss L/n!” Sadie said excitedly, “Uncle Clyde and I finished lunch early and snuck out!” She let out a mischievous laugh.

      “Well,” a chuckle slipped past my lips, half in shock and half amusement of their antics, “Since you’re still with Clyde I can let you get away with it just once.” Clyde’s cheeks burned at my statement and I shot him an innocent smile. He ducked through the doorway enough to get Sadie through safely, then brought her down careful not to drop her.

      “Sadie, since you’re here would you out a worksheet at every desk for me?” She nodded and worked diligently to do what we asked. I turned to Clyde who was unceremoniously eating a cookie from the table of refreshments. “So, what brings you from the cafeteria? Mrs Lowells Cookies?”

    Clyde, not expecting to be seen mid-cookie, chokes a bit, “No-“ He pauses to regain composure, “No, I er- I didn’t want you ta be lonely in here?” His questioning tone and red cheeks told me it wasn’t the full story, but like we did under the oak, I didn’t push him.

    “Oh? That’s awful sweet Clyde, was its Sadie who offered to keep me company?” I asked knowing that it was most definitely not. Sadie was a social butterfly, and lunch was her domain in the third-grade class.     “Hm? Sadie?” Clyde smirked, knowing full well I was onto his schemes, “Of course Miss L/n, what are you trying to insinuate here?”

    “Nothing Mr. Logan,” I took a step closer to the man, being mindful there was still a child in the room, “What did you think I was insinuating?” I challenged his notion and was met with a blossoming blush and shy smile.

    “Nothing improper,” he raised his hand to show three fingers, “Scouts honor darlin’.” At that a burst of joy exploded in my chest. Clyde Logan was a gentleman through and through and it made me want to burst.

    “Alrightie then Scout, how bout’ you help little Sadie pass out papers, lunch is just about over.” He broke his gaze and it felt like the world around me faded back into view. I wondered how many women sat across his bar and felt the same. Am I just another girl falling under the spell of a charming, well-mannered, one-armed, bartender? I turned to look at him passing out the papers with all the seriousness of a drill sergeant in basic training. It was incredibly endearing.

    Yet again, the bell rang and the moment of wonder between Clyde and I was interrupted by the trickling stream of students.

    The rest of the day was surprisingly chaotic for a worksheet and a craft. Two bottles of glue were spilled, both by adults, and there was a cotton ball fight that led to two students’ clips being moved to yellow and two parents sent to the hall to cool off. The headache that was reverberating around my head after a day spent taking care of the students and the parents must’ve been the biggest one in a long time. As I was cleaning up, I found that Sadie had left one of her drawings on her desk, which was odd because Sadie always made a point to take hers home for her dad.

     I took the paper and put it on my desk to save for her, and once I was satisfied with the state of the room, I decided to see what the drawing was. On one side of the page was a nice tree over looking some flowers and a house, a skilled drawing for their age, but that was nothing new for Sadie. On the back however, it was a very different message.

Miss L/n, my uncle Clyde thinks you’re pretty. He works at the Duck tape bar every night except for Mondays (or whenever he gets sick).

p.s.: you should marry him so you can be my aunt.

I never did take Sadie for a match maker, but then again I can’t complain when I’ve got another reason to go visit a particular bartender, and hope that he felt the same chemistry I did.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Again, first fic so please interact or leave some feedback! Would love to hear if anyone wants more!

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Fifty Eight

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

November 8th, 1998

“Emile, I told you you’d worry yourself sick if you didn’t take a break,” his mother sighed as she tried to force Emile back into bed. “You need to rest.”

“I need to make sure Faith is okay!” he protested. “Resting can wait!”

“Emile, you’re running a medium-grade fever and you’re shaking like you’re going to pass out at any moment,” his mother said, gently pushing Emile back onto the bed. “You need to rest if you have any hope of continuing to help your friends later.”

Emile pouted. “As soon as you let me leave the house again I’ll be checking up on her.”

“Then you’re not leaving the house until you’re better,” his mother said simply. “Rest up, honey, please. You’ll feel so much better if you do.”

  March 16th, 2002

“Remy, this is really unnecessary—”

“—No, Emile, I’m not arguing with you on this,” Remy insisted, leveling Emile with a glare as he pulled the blankets over Emile’s shivering form. “You worked all of last weekend helping friends with mental health issues, and then you take five shifts at Target all because one of your coworkers gave you those puppy dog eyes, and you still did all your school work on top of that, and now you’re exhausted and running a fever. You are staying in bed and you will not be pushing yourself that hard ever. Again. Or else you will be getting an earful from me. Understood?”

Emile coughed and tried to glare right back at Remy, but the effect was dampened by the sheer amount of shaking Emile was doing. When Remy arched an eyebrow, Emile sighed. “Fine,” he groaned. “I won’t push myself that far. I’ll take a day’s break next time.”

“No, there is no ‘next time,’ Emile!” Remy exclaimed. He started pacing the length of the bedroom and all Emile could do was watch. “You always do this! You’re always pushing yourself to be faster, or smarter, or stronger, so that you can do more work, help more people, do whatever needs to be done. And inevitably you almost pass out, or you actually do pass out, or you injure yourself, or you literally work yourself sick. You are staying in bed, and there will not be a ‘next time.’”

Emile sighed. He appreciated that Remy cared. Really, he did. But he couldn’t just stop. “Rem, my friends need me, and we need the extra money from Target, and my classes have to be passed if I want to keep my financial aid. I have to keep up with all of those things.”

“We don’t need the extra money so bad that you work yourself sick,” Remy insisted. “Now we’re just gonna be spending the extra cash on cold medicine, or antibiotics from the doctor’s if you keep this up. And just because none of your friends were suicidal doesn’t mean they weren’t hurting you with those problems. No one has to be my level of extreme before they start causing damage. And a B is a passing grade, Emile. You don’t need a four-point-oh GPA in order to go to grad school to become a therapist.”

Emile leaned into the pillows and groaned. “You don’t understand, Rem. They need me.”

“And they need other people, too. You can’t just have one person as your entire support system. That’s not healthy. I should know. I put that burden on Toby and later on you. And it didn’t end well for anyone involved,” Remy said, crossing his arms and glaring at Emile. “Take a break.”

Emile searched Remy’s face, looking for any crack in his resolve to exploit. Normally he wouldn’t, but these were not normal circumstances. When he found none, he sighed. “You don’t want me to do this again, but...I have to, Rem. I have to make sure they’re okay.”

Remy shook his head. “No, Emile. I’m not arguing with you on this. You’re not going to push yourself past your limits again.”

Emile made a disgruntled noise. “Remy—”

“—No.”

“But Rem—”

“—I said. No.” When Emile opened his mouth to speak again, Remy beat him to the punch. “Every time you push yourself past your limits, I get scared. I’m legitimately terrified that whatever pushed you past those limits is going to wind up hurting or killing you. Ever since I found out you were pushing past your limits to try and help me before you found me a therapist, I’ve wanted to make sure that you don’t get hurt. But you make that a near-impossible job, Emile. For all your talk about not endangering your health, you certainly do it often.

“You pushed past your limits for way longer than you should have before you directed me to a therapist. You go out of your way to help your friends, even if you feel dead on your feet. When you took your friend to the local audition and wound up having a part to play yourself? You nearly passed out—more than once, might I add—after the show was over. Even with your grandfather. If I hadn’t stepped in, you would have taken every last hit your grandfather dished out. Silently. Not showing any hurt, to anyone, but especially not to me, because you wouldn’t want me to feel guilty over you taking that hit for me. In your desire to protect your friends, you’re left damaging yourself, don’t you see that?!”

Emile turned red. Since when could Remy read him so easily? “Okay, okay. You’ve proved your point that this hurts me,” Emile sighed. “But...how do I just...stop? I can’t just cut them off or ignore them when they’re struggling and I have the capacity to help.”

“You wouldn’t be doing either of those things. If someone calls you, or texts you, asking if you can help, all you say is, ‘I’m not in a position where I can help you right now. Can we talk later?’ It’s that easy.” Remy shrugged. “Look, they’re my friends too, Emile. I care about them, however reluctant I may have been to accept that fact at first. But I can’t help them twenty-four-seven, and neither can you. The only difference is that I stop when I know I’ve pushed myself too far. You realize that you’re approaching your limit, or that you’ve passed your limit, and you keep going, because people still need your help, in your mind.”

“They do need my help—”

“—They need help, period. Not your help specifically. Isn’t that why you took me to a therapist? You couldn’t do it on your own and you knew that if I kept pushing you it would end ugly for both of us. You could refer them to a therapist or a psych if it gets bad enough, or just say that you need to focus on yourself for a bit. That’s not bad, it’s not selfish. It’s self-preservation. And frankly, honey, you need a hell of a lot more of that than you already have.”

Emile pulled a face. He knew Remy had a point, but he didn’t want to admit that fact. “What if they get hurt because I didn’t help them?” he asked. “What if they hurt themselves because I didn’t help them?”

“That’s not on you, honey,” Remy said, sitting down on the side of the bed and putting his hand on Emile’s shoulder. “Taking care of yourself and your own needs every once in a while is more than healthy, it’s necessary.”

Emile groaned. “I just...I worry. I can’t help it. I worry about them.”

“I know you do,” Remy said. “So do they. Everyone you’re friends with knows you care about them. Which is why they won’t be concerned you’re blowing them off if you say you need some time to yourself.”

“Remy...” Emile could feel his frustration building. Remy had a point, but couldn’t he see that this mattered to Emile? That he was willing to make the sacrifices necessary to keep his friends safe? “You don’t understand.”

Remy crossed his arms and huffed. “I understand that you’re concerned about your friends. I understand that you’ve lost more of them than you’d care to count. I understand that you’re scared of losing more. I understand your reluctance to take time for yourself when you perceive that you’re needed elsewhere. I understand that when you feel backed up against a wall with all your responsibilities looming overhead, you're more likely to disregard your safety in favor of getting rid of some of those problems. Because you don’t want to worry. But don’t you understand? I worry about you when you push yourself too far. Theo called earlier asking if you were okay because you looked feverish when you talked yesterday. Everyone worries about you when you push yourself too far.”

“But—”

“—Honey, everyone will be relieved if you say you’re taking time to focus on yourself. Trust me. No one will be mad, no one will do anything hasty just because you say you need rest.” Remy shook his head. “You need to stop pushing yourself so much.”

Emile sighed. Remy had all the logical points on his side, and Emile had none. Didn’t mean that he was going to be happy about it, though. “Fine,” he grumbled. “I’ll rest a little more often.”

“All I ask is that you rest when you’re pushing your limits,” Remy said. “The rest of the time, you can worry yourself sick over your friends.”

“I’m already sick,” Emile said weakly.

“Yeah, I know, and I was genuinely worried about this continuing for a hot minute,” Remy said.

Emile sighed. “You know...this is completely off topic, but I think we should upgrade to a Queen. Or a King.”

“As in...” Remy paused. Stood. “As in with beds?”

“Yeah,” Emile said, looking up at Remy. “We cuddle in each others’ beds so much, and we’ve shared tiny beds together before. Upgrading to a Queen would mean we both have space and we don’t have to worry about someone falling off the bed when cuddling. Do you think it’s too soon?”

“Not particularly,” Remy said. “You just...took me off guard, is all.”

“The other good thing about that is that you could force me to relax by cuddling me aggressively in bed until I do what you say,” Emile joked.

Remy actually perked up at that and Emile regretted giving Remy ideas like this from his jokes. He never learned, even though he should have come to expect this sort of thing from Remy. Taking jokes seriously and actually using them as if they were a viable option. “That’s a good idea.”

“That was a joke, Rem.”

“A joke that I will turn into reality,” Remy said definitively. “We’re getting a Queen. Slightly cheaper than a King, and both of us can still fit comfortably, and I can cuddle you until the sun goes away.”

Emile groaned. “Remy, I’m sick, go easy on me, please.”

“All right, all right, I won’t give away all my evil plans to get yourself to give you a break. Besides, it might help to keep a thing or two up my sleeve, anyway,” Remy said.

Emile patted the bed. “You afraid of germs? Or are you willing to cuddle?”

“We live in the same apartment, mio amore. Something tells me that if I’m going to get sick it’s not going to matter whether I cuddle you or not,” Remy said. He took off his socks and lifted up the covers, saying, “Scoot over.”

Emile rolled his eyes but complied and he and Remy just snuggled for a while. He sighed. “What are we gonna do about whichever room is no longer one of ours?” Emile mumbled.

“I dunno,” Remy admitted. “Some point or another it might become an office, when you’re a therapist and you need somewhere to work at home. Until then...uh...guest room?”

“I guess,” Emile said. The gears were whirring in his head, and it might have just been because he was sick, but he was thinking about an office that both of them might use. “What if you started your own shop?”

Remy laughed. “That old pipe dream? I’ve given up hope on getting the money for a property, Emile. I can buy the food, the advertising, hire people, and all that, if I save my money properly. But I can’t afford to rent, let alone buy, a property where I could start my own coffee shop.”

“Y’know, we should probably start saving more money anyway,” Emile mused. “Emergency funds, retirement, all that good stuff.”

“I guess,” Remy sighed. “I do like getting to go on dates with you, though.”

“So let’s make it a once a month thing, instead of twice, and go to places that don’t charge too much,” Emile reasoned. “Saving our money is important. Especially if we’re going to be splurging on a bed.”

Remy laughed. “True.”

Emile grinned. He was getting a crazy idea, and it might have been because he was sick, but Remy had been passed on promotions before. And if they saved properly, he knew they could get a shop off the ground.

[nettworkk]

Showcase Your True Potential: How skill sharing can shape thousands of lives

Joe Yakeen Vinitha | Mentor & Business Coach

The first time I heard the word ‘trading-positions’ was during one of my mastermind sessions with enthusiastic entrepreneurs. One of the participants gave an example which used this word and I was like what… But I did not forget to learn that from her and now I do trading!

 While doing all the research, tips & trick of trading, I realized I was becoming a part of a much larger, much more humane community of sharing skills with anybody who wanted to learn just in an attempt to make their lives better. In a way to connect people through their interests on a similar ground, the difference being one person is already adept at the particular field and the others just interested to learn.

To be honest, the concept of sharing skills is not something alien. We have all grown up with it. Take every mother who has taught her child to cook or every father who helped his kid with their homework. Thanks to the internet, skill sharing has become even more popular, allowing people to connect online and benefit from a person and their skillset even though they are physically miles apart.

 As Moses de Maimon, a Jewish philosopher, better known as Maimonides, says: “Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, you feed him for a lifetime.”

 Here's some more information on how skill sharing works, and most importantly, how it can benefit you, your career, and most importantly, the not so privileged.

 WHAT IS SKILL SHARING?

Skill sharing to put it in absolute layman terms is when people share their skills with others. While it can happen in a formal setting – like a classroom – it can also occur casually at meetups, community centres, and even in people's homes.

 For example, if you may be a freelance graphic designer who wants to learn social media marketing, you can agree to exchange design lessons for a tutorial in an online marketing strategy. Or, if you are a project manager looking to increase your web knowledge, you might take an online or in-person coding course.

WHY YOU NEED SKILL SHARING IN THE FIRST PLACE?

 Every person possesses a separate skill set which makes him unique. But the power of it is not keeping it confined, it's in sharing it. Call that friend who is weak in your favourite subject and help him out. Skill sharing is how we grow stronger as a team.

 It is said the strength of your team is the strength of its weakest person. So why not help them grow? There is only so much we can grow as individuals. Every sector in our lives we need a team to grow. Starting from our family, our primary and secondary education to our peer group and work life. Whether formal or informal, any successful project, be it big or small, has one thing at its core: effective collaboration,   and   you   cannot   achieve   that without knowledge sharing.

 “In our research on knowledge transfer, we have seen companies greatly disadvantaged, if not crippled, by knowledge loss. Certainly, some expert knowledge may be outdated or irrelevant by the time its possessors are eligible for retirement, but not the skills, know-how, and capabilities that underlie critical operations — both routine and innovative. Organizations cannot afford to lose these deep smarts” says Dorothy Leonard, the William J. Abernathy Professor of Business Administration Emerita at Harvard Business School.

 Here are 10 BENEFITS that you can get from sharing your knowledge:

 1.  It helps you grow

As Claudio Fernández-Aráoz put it, “The question is not whether your company’s employees and leaders have the right skills; it’s whether they have the potential to learn new ones”. We can only accomplish a certain number of goals with a limited skill set. But once we start learning new skills the opportunities for us are endless. They say you could learn something from everybody in your life. Let us make sure we actually do!

2.  It helps you stay motivated

Even among peers, skill sharing can play an important role to motivate you to get better at your skills and try to acquire new ones. Seeing your peers showcase their skills pushes you forward in healthy competition as well as a team effort for all of you to develop on your skills. We are all achievers on the inside. Sharing knowledge practices pushes you to become better at what you do while driving you at the same time to contribute with your own insights.

 3.Getting top talent access

“If you’re the smartest person in the room, then you’re in the wrong room” the saying goes. Knowledge sharing helps you get feedback and help with your projects from those more skilled or with a different set of competences. You can always reach out to your peers – you’ll be amazed at what they can teach you in no time. Not to mention the access to upper management expertise!

4.Recognition

So many recent studies underline the importance of recognition at work – it is one of the most powerful motivators and will highly contribute to both employee retention and engagement. Sharing your knowledge with others will give your talents more exposure, thus giving the people you interact with the opportunity to identify you as a valuable expert. Helping others can help you build your reputation. And that is a valuable asset!

    5.Generating new ideas

They say two heads think better than one. When different skills and experiences collide, eye- opening ideas and solutions emerge. The creative energy of brainstorming can generate faster and more relevant solutions to your current assignments, supporting you in successfully achieving your tasks. Tribal knowledge FTW!

6.Future leaders’ discovery

Sharing knowledge can be a great tool for everyone to PR themselves. All you need to do is to be permanently connected to the hot business topics and offer your expertise every time you can. When people are open to prove their value through their competence, it’s easier to notice the ones likely to organize people and to take initiative. The leaders of tomorrow are among those.

7.Limiting the skill gap

Your team is as strong as its weakest member. By sharing knowledge and talking about certain decisions and procedures, the new guys or juniors could easily acquire new sets of skills. Create an environment where everybody is encouraged to ask questions and help professionals in all your locations and job positions stay updated with the latest information in their field.

      8.Team cementing and silo breaking

Working as a team gives employees a sense of belonging. When employees, teams, and leaders share ideas and resources with each other, the feeling that they pursue a common goal becomes authentic. The feeling of being part of a functional and collaborative team boosts enthusiasm and empowers everyone to exchange knowledge, breaking down the silo mentality. This boosts employee morale and increases their work efficiency.

 9.Sense of purpose

There is a thin line between employees “sort of doing stuff” and those that have a sense of purpose. By creating an environment where people feel like their knowledge makes a difference, they will clearly see how their work fits in the bigger mission of the organization. Work without purpose is no work at all.

10.Operational efficiency

That is perhaps the most important thing. Sharing knowledge increases the productivity of your team. You can work faster and smarter, as you get easier access to the internal resources and expertise within your organization. Projects don’t get delayed; people swimmingly get the information they need in order to do their jobs and your business fills the bill.

The “Knowledge is Power” adage is long dead as the new reality of the workforce has taught us that sharing knowledge is beneficial to everybody.

Moving one step ahead, I wonder how exciting it would be if we could also earn from our multiple skills!

HOW TO DO THIS AS AN INDIVIDUAL?

Helping others should be a natural extension of every capable individual’s responsibilities. Unfortunately, it does not come as easy as you would think. As privileged and able people, we often get too caught up in operations or our own problems to give people the help they need. However, in the last year, I’ve realized that most of my best clients, partners, and relationships have come from me helping someone for free and for a cost when required.

So how does someone share their multiple skills to the world? We’re all busy with our day-to- day lives, earning a living and eking an existence on Planet Earth.

But if you are willing, there is always some way. Helping others by sharing my multiple skills is something that brings me immense joy; hence I have shared 7 broad services which you can share with the world for free and for a cost:

    1.Professional services (Consultants, Engineers, Marketers, Chefs etc.,)

There are professional service providers as a company, but we are focusing of individuals who have these skills to offer these services. May be, you are in job offering these services, still you would want the world to know your skills for others to connect with you to receive those services form you.

 This is where a mobile app like nettworkk would help!.

 2.Home repair (carpenters, Roofers, Electricians, etc.,)

 In this ‘aggregators’ age, we have aggregators most services including food, taxi, products(amazon.com) and home repair services. Though these app provide customers with more options to choose from, the huge commission these aggregators take from the service providers really hits big on them.

 An app like nettworkk connects customers directly to you instead of them coming through aggregators.

 3.Software Services (Product managers, Solution architects, Developers. Testers etc.,)

Most of the college student eye a software job during college. Hope you agree. If you are trained in the latest software and aptitude skills, there are more chances of you getting through the campus interviews. So, there is always a huge availability of software professionals, testers and currently product managers. Interestingly, there are professionals with multiple skills, say., they are proficient in Java platform, cloud architecture as well as in big data. But they can’t be handling projects in all of them. They could only go by what their company project demands.

 It would be great if they could have a platform like nettworkk which could help them connect with people who are looking for people with these skills to offer projects.

4.Creative services (Writers, Graphic Designers, etc.,)

 It takes real skills and talent to master creative skills. Most people get into these services with seer love and passion for arts. They love colours, literature, imagination, and a sense of WOW in their work.

The speciality of creativity is that it is the basis of all innovation. Creative services need not be limited to arts but could be applied to almost any work including Engineering, Carpentry, Education... you name it!

5.  Personal care (hair stylists, massage therapists, etc.,)

Personal care services have always been close to individuals as we visit at least one personal care service in a month. Especially, working men and women. These services are always in demand and people who provide these services do it with love and care.

As they work physically close to the clients, they develop a sense of connect and client look to a particular service person if they get used to their service.

6.Health care (Doctors, Physio therapists, Nurses etc.,)

If these is a service which requires more inter connectivity with the community is Health care. As there are multiple disciplines in health care including various speciality Doctors, Physio therapists, Nurses, and various lab technicians, they all must be connected to refer the patients to the right specialists.

7.Coaching Services (Online coaching, Private tuition, Sports & Games etc.,)

The most steadily growing industry is the online coaching industry. Due to layoffs and insecure job environment, most of the professionals turn to online coaching to get themselves updated with the latest technologies, strategies, and other required skills.

Here I remember these famous words by American evangelist, Billy Graham who says: “We’re not cisterns made for hoarding. We’re channels made for sharing.” Obviously, what good is any skill if someone decides on hoarding it? The skill would die along with the person that hoards it and is not able to be passed on generation to generation.

Coaching service including sports & games have always been sort after wherever one needed expert guidance. Someone whom to they can go-to for re-evaluating themselves and fine tune their existing skills or learn new skills.

WHERE DOES NETTWORKK COME IN ALL THIS?

NETTWORKK provides you with a platform to share, showcase, and adapt skills with as ease as our day to day social media affairs. The steps for this are easy, create a profile, mention all the skills you can offer for free and for a cost and wanted services for free and for a cost.

NETTWORKK provides an easy connecting ground for people of all strata and ages to bond with each other based on their skills offered and wanted. And you get matched right on your mobile. No more advertisements in classifieds and social media ads!

Say., if you are software developer working in a software company, you are mostly like to introduce yourself as a software professional. What if you have multiple skills which you could offer for a cost. Say., you are also a competent chess player and you are willing to provide online chess training to people who are interested. You might not have thought about providing this service unless someone pokes you related to chess.

That is where a platform like nettworkk becomes essential. You can also offer free services, say., you are passionate about playing a music instrument, but not keen earning from it. You might keep you instrument playing passion live by teaching people for free or playing for free. Just to keep that passion… LIVE!

The most exciting feature of this nettworkk is that you can add as many as 10 skills which you can offer for a cost and 10 different skills which you can offer for free! Sounds exciting?

Start communicating and showcasing what you are good at, share it with the world and make a difference while you earn extra income!

[journey-to-balance]

Notes... 

5 Habits To Drop In Order to Manifest a Successful Life 

Most people believe that a lack of success is due to their own personal faults. They think that not being the best, the brightest, or the most intelligent will stifle their growth, and make going after their most prized aspirations futile.

The Truth? Not being the smartest, or the most talented won’t hinder your success, but hanging on to destructive habits will.

1: Expecting yourself to live up to others’ expectations

Your girlfriend? Your friends? Your boss? They’re all people who don’t have to walk a single day in your shoes and will never know what it is like to live your life. So, why is it that their opinions hold so much weight?

When you focus on meeting other people’s expectations, you’re forced into a position where you have to meet all the conditions associated with those expectations, and if you don’t you can end up ruining valuable relationships, and important connections.

Setting your own expectations will force the people around you to see you as an individual, and will allow you to define success on your own terms.

2: Obsessing over things that don’t matter

You feeling like a hotshot in front of your lady friends? Doesn’t matter.

You experiencing true happiness, and having the ability to pursue any dream possible? Now, that matters.

It can become so easy to fall into this treacherous habit, and start to worry about what others think of you, or and what you should be doing with your life, but at the end of the day only you have to live with yourself. Don’t worry about your friends, and family; they have their own lives to live, and their own problems to bear.  Worry about yourself, and about how you can go to bed every night happier, healthier and more content than the last day.

3: Dwelling on past failures

It’s normal to hate yourself sometimes, but it does you absolutely no good to provoke that self-hatred by dwelling on your mistakes. When you feel down on yourself, look at it as an opportunity to learn.

If you fail, instead of tearing yourself apart, tear your failure apart. Rip it up and destroy it, then take a long, hard look at the pieces. When it’s all laid out there before you, you have the chance to transform your negative thoughts into insightful questions. Turn, “That was a crappy decision.” into “What led me to think this was a solid decision?” While a certain amount of negative thinking can drive us to become better and stronger people, it is much more beneficial to adopt habits that lead us to question why we failed rather than dwelling on failure itself.

4: Bragging about your big dreams

Nobody cares that you want to be an actor until you’re on the big screen and they can say, “I knew that guy when he worked at Taco Bell.” Until that day, you’re just slinging tacos, and any attention you direct to your optimistic future will be met with doubt, and pity.

The more time you spend talking about your dreams, the less time you’re spending going after those dreams. In a lot of ways, dreams are like children: they’re something that you should be proud of, something that belongs to you, but when you start unfolding that picture folio in your wallet, everyone groans.

Just like children though, you’ve got to take care of your dreams and you’ve got to take steps to ensure they have the necessary means  to develop. There’s nothing wrong with carrying constant reminders of your goals to keep you focused, but keep them to yourself.

5: Do not become a sore loser

Anger is very often portrayed as a negative emotion, but it doesn’t have to be. There’s a virtuous quality to anger that very few realize is present: When people are angry, in their minds they are right, and to rectify the situation they blow up. Or curse out their boss. Or punch a wall. Or lock themselves in their apartment, and spend three days shouting obscenities and drinking beer.

The good news is, blowing up, getting angry, and feeling like the world is against you is perfectly healthy, and is an essential part of eventual success. While dwelling in your anger for too long can impede your personal development, basking in your righteousness for a few days after a defeat can motivate you to try harder, and work smarter.

Humans are creatures of habit, and the behaviors that we display on a daily basis define who we are, and what path our lives take. This means that true success comes from implementing the right habits, and dropping the ones that hold you back.

[unabletoforget]

I Miss My Lover Man

@pranking-masters

     Jillian sat with her knees pulled up to her chest in the corner of her ratty old couch, watching the smoke slowly rise from the half smoked cigarette between her fingers. She had smoked a few times here and there when she was younger but she had stopped when Harry was born, wanting to think of his health and be careful around him. But with Harry gone and most everyone she loved dead, why should she care for her health? She had picked the habit back up about a week after James and Lily died, having been too distraught up until then to even remember what a cigarette was. Remus tried to talk her out of it, to tell her that Lily had been so proud of her when she had quit. Her response, as she had so eloquently put it on that cold November day, was ‘Lily’s dead, it doesn’t matter anymore...nothing matters anymore.’

     She often wondered if that statement had been part of why Remus had left, wondered if he had gone away because he didn’t think he mattered to her at all anymore. It wasn’t that she stopped caring about Remus that day, it was the opposite in fact. She adored him so completely, he was all she had left, but it felt so much easier to cut herself off from the world that day. Lily died, James died, Peter died...and Sirius was to blame for it all. And not only had he betrayed their dearest friends, put their god son in danger, but he had killed all those muggles in the process. If he did it at all. No, he had to have done it. The Ministry had been so sure of it, especially Barty Crouch Sr. Well, then again, he wasn’t all there, was he?

     Barty Crouch Sr was a man hell bent on revenge, though she wasn’t quite sure what crime had been committed to make him so hell bent on such a mission. He was a wizard drunk on his power and authority in a time of extreme chaos. Hell, the man had even locked away his own son under the accusations of having been involved in the torture of Alice and Frank Longbottom. God, that was an entire other can of worms she didn’t want to open. Alice and Frank were her friends, and even thinking about them or hearing their names made Jillian’s chest feel tighter. When they had been attacked she knew the world had truly fallen apart, since even the fall of Voldemort had not ended the pain to their people. Damn the LeStrange family. And to think, if her mother had gotten her way, she would have been married to Rabastan as soon as she graduated. Thank Merlin for her rebellious nature. But...it wasn’t that alone that saved her, was it? No, it had been Lily and James, it had been Peter and Remus. It had been...it had been Sirius.

     Jillian swallowed thickly and took another drag of her cigarette, a long one that lasted so long she was surprised the entire thing didn’t burn out. She held the smoke in her lungs for so long it made her chest burn, preferring the physical pain in her body over the pain in her heart and in her soul. She sniffled softly, another tear rolling down her cheek as she flicked the ashes off of her cigarette into the tray she had balancing on the arm of the sofa she sat on. “You were doing so well,” she heard from the corner of the room. Jillian tensed at the sound of the overly kind voice ringing in her ears. It wasn’t real, it wasn’t true, it was all in her head. “You promised me you wouldn’t do this anymore,” the voice said again, a flash of red hair catching Jillian’s attention. She turned her head to see Lily standing in the corner of the room, her arms behind her back as she leaned on the wall.

     “And you promised me you would be safe. Guess we’re both liars,” she said bitterly, watching as Lily sighed heavily and shook her head. Lily always accused Jillian of being the dramatic one, which was mostly true, especially when she and Sirius got together. But Lily was partial to her own form of dramatics as well, she just wasn’t as theatrical about it as Jillian and Sirius were, not even as much as James really. 

     “I didn’t do that on purpose. This, this you are doing on purpose,” Lily said, pushing herself off the wall and slowly walking over to the sofa before sitting on the other side, Jillian not hesitating to take notice of the fact that she didn’t feel the weight in the sofa cushions shift. “Jilly...you have to stop punishing yourself for what happened.”

     “I can’t,” Jillian responded quickly, not daring to look at Lily as she stared at the dwindling cigarette in her hand. “I should have been able to save you. To save James and Peter and Harry...to stop Sirius,” she choked out. “He was my responsibility, just like James was yours. I...I should have been there. It should have been me, not you.”

     “Jilly Bean…” Lily whispered softly before Jillian cut her off.

     “No! It's true. You were always more useful to the Order than I was. Your potions were stronger than mine, you were better with people than me, you were a better soldier than I was...you were smarter than me. And if I was smart like you, you would still be,” she said softly.

     “That isn’t how it works and you know it,” Lily said firmly, causing Jillian to glance over at her. She was exactly how she remembered her. A face full of freckles, hair as fiery as her heart and green eyes as piercing as a sword. She wouldn’t have it any other way. “Even if you had been there, you couldn’t have saved me. You couldn’t have saved James. And Peter, well I wasn’t there for that but if all those muggles didn’t stand a chance then neither did he, so don’t you go feeling responsible for his death either,” she chastised. 

     Jillian stiffened as Lily talked about Peter, his sweet face flashing behind her eyes as she slumped further into the couch. “And as for Harry...well it turns out he didn’t need saving,” Lily said. And even though Jillian wasn’t looking at her, she could hear the smile in her voice. “That little boy made it out of the impossible. And he is going to be the strongest of us all someday. And if you don’t quit smoking, if you don’t take care of yourself and get out of this hell hole for a little while, you won’t be there when he needs you. Because Jill, he will need you. He will need you to guide him and love him, to protect him and take care of him because his father and I can’t,” Lily reasoned. 

     Jillian shifted as if uncomfortable, like she was trying to curl in on herself to keep away from Lily because she thought touching her might make her vanish. “I miss you,” Jillian said softly, barely above a whisper. “I miss talking to you.”

     “We’re talking right now, Jilly,” Lily pointed out with a tilt of her head. 

     “You’re not real. You’re in my head...a figment inside my mind.”

     “Well, of course I am,” Lily said, her smile brightening a bit as she spoke, making Jillian turn her head in confusion. “But why should that mean it isn’t real anyway?”

     Jillian felt tears balancing on her lower lashes before shaking her head, laughing softly. “I hate you,” she said.

     “No you don’t,” Lily responded smoothly. Just like old times. 

     “No...I don’t,” Jillian agreed, leaning her head back on the couch as she watched Lily. “I still miss you though.”

     Lily smiled, knowingly almost, like how a mother would look at a child. “I miss you too.”

     Jillian watched Lily with an ache in her chest, wishing she could just reach out and grab her hand. Lily always had soft hands, she wasn’t sure why she remembered that. Maybe it was because it fit so well with her gentle nature. Just like how she remembered James always had the best hugs and Peter always had the biggest appetite. “Jilly,” Lily said, causing Jillian to look up from her hands to her face. “We aren’t all gone, you know.”

     Jillian sighed and nodded “I know. I don’t mean to push Remus away I just...it's so hard to be a person around him when I worry maybe he blames me too. Even if he did, he would be too kind to say it,” she pointed out.

     Lily shook her head “He doesn’t and you know it. You two need each other, you should call him,” she pointed out. Jillian nodded but didn’t say anything, almost ashamed to know that she was right. Remus wasn’t the only one at fault here, she was too. “And Sirius isn’t dead you know...he can still come home.”

     Jillian flinched at the sound of his name as something tickled her mind, her head shaking “He betrayed you.”

     Lily shook her head and sat up a little bit better “You’ve been in love with him since we were fifteen years old, you know there isn’t an evil bone in his body. It's just me and you here, you can be honest...do you really believe he did it?” she asked slowly.

     Jillian swallowed thickly as her mind fell back to every beautiful moment she had ever had with Sirius, every moment where he had ever made her feel loved and beautiful. Each kiss, every time they made love, the way he whispered in her ear, even down to the look in his eyes when they held each other at night. That man wasn’t evil, that man wasn’t heartless, that man wasn’t a murderer. That man would never betray his friends. Jillian’s lower lip trembled as she shook her head “N-No,” she admitted. “I-I think it just...it’s easier for me to blame him. To say he did it rather than to think he...to think he is suffering in there for no reason. To think you...whoever betrayed you will never be brought to justice.”

     “But do you still trust him?” Lily asked plainly.

     Jillian felt a sense in her stomach that told her the answer to that one clearly. “W-With my life.”

     “And do you still love him?”

     That one was easy. “Always.”

     Lily slowly smiled again and nodded once, standing up from the couch, as if she was going to leave. “Then stop smoking. Because when Sirius gets out of prison, and that stubborn ass will get out, he will need a healthy girlfriend to take care of him. One that will fight by his side to get my son back. It’s going to be a long road, you should travel it with him. I wouldn’t have traveled the road I went down without James. Don’t go down this one without Sirius. Or without Remus. Harry will need all of you.” Lily nodded her head once and turned as if she was walking away towards the hall, causing Jillian to sit up quickly and press her cigarette into the ashtray, moving it to sit on the coffee table. 

     “Lils!” she said hurriedly, standing up but not following her because it wouldn’t do any good. She watched Lily turn around, catching those green eyes again. “What if I’m wrong?” she asked. “What if I’m wrong and he did it and I love him still?”

     Lily smiled warmly, shaking her head as if she had said something silly. “I know you better than anyone. You wouldn’t love a monster. And you adore him. You’re not wrong. He didn’t do this to me. But he is the only person who can help you find whoever did. He needs you, and you need him.” And like that, Lily seemed to fade right in front of her eyes. Jillian felt an ache in her stomach as she whimpered, holding her stomach as she fell back onto the couch, curling her legs up underneath of her. She was crying too hard to hear the front door opening, and even if she had heard it, she didn’t think she would believe it was real at this point considering her dead best friend just came to give her relationship advice. 

     No, none of it mattered now. And as Jillian cried into the couch, her body trembling and her heart broken, she realized that at the end of it all nothing had changed. She was all alone. 

[fracturedmotivationwriting]

Dex felt like she was going to turn right then and there in the middle of this bar. Sure, she had known that V's ex had been abusive, but she hadn't realized the extent of his abuse. And the thought that this monster was still out there, probably plotting his revenge for her leaving, well it made Dexter want to rip his throat out with her teeth. She had only known V for a few weeks, but already she felt closer to her than she had to a friend in a long time. Some part of her brain told her it was because she was related to her mate, but Dexter didn't care about that. Regardless of their connection to Frankie, V was a sister to Dexter now. Dex couldn't let this monster ever hurt her again.

Dex's still anger broke at the sound of V's sobs. The girl had been trying so hard to hold them back, but after her confession, it was no surprise that the dam was breaking. Dex was quick to action, pulling V in for a bone-crushing hug just as V had done for her. She let the girl cry for a minute before pulling back slightly, cupping her tear-stained cheeks in her hands. She wiped a thumb over the ruined mascara and met V's glassy eyes.

"You are stronger and braver and smarter than anyone I know," Dex insisted, watching as V scoffed and tried to look away. Dex held her firmly, but gently, in place. V wasn't going to brush this conversation off.

"I'm an idiot," V argued softly. "The red flags were all there and I ignored them-"

"Hindsight is 20/20," Dexter cut in. "Sure, they were there, and looking back now you can see them so clearly. But you couldn't then."

"How couldn't I see them?" V asked, her voice cracking.

"You saw the flags, but they looked pink back then. They were softened because you loved him, and you didn't know any better. You said it yourself, you didn't exactly have healthy role models when it came to relationships. Part of you knew it was wrong, but... But your past relationships involved possessiveness and cheating. Your role models were abusive. You were brainwashed into thinking it was normal. You didn't know how to stop it when he became a monster'

"And let me be clear: he became a monster. You didn't fall for someone who beat you. You aren't stupid. You fell for a prince. You fell for someone who made you laugh, who made you feel wanted and loved and seen. You said it yourself, he was a total tease and a great kisser. He was good to you in the beginning, even if he was a little possessive. But again, you'd already experienced that. That wasn't uncommon to you. We're wolves. We're all a little possessive. But it's hard to distinguish between the healthy, wolf-possessiveness, and the unhealthy, abusive possessiveness.'

"And from what I've heard, Mark was good at first. The good outweighed the bad until it didn't. But by then, it was too late. You were in too deep with him. Loved him too much. Had already moved in with him, isolating yourself from your friends and Frankie. Mark took advantage of your kindness. You didn't choose to fall for someone who abused you. He chose to abuse you. His threats turned into actions, and then it was more than just you he was willing to hurt. You did what you needed to keep the people you loved safe. That's not weak.'

"And when the opportunity came to protect your loved ones and yourself, you took it. Frankie might see himself as the knight in shining armor that came in and saved his sister from the monster, but you are no damsel in distress princess, V. You are your own knight. You saved yourself from more harm and you grabbed the chance to leave with your own two hands. And because you have the biggest heart I've ever seen, you spared the monster's life. Not many people have that level of compassion, and it is so incredibly admirable. You are stronger and braver and smarter than everyone else gives you credit for. Don't let anyone tell you differently."

Dex searched V's eyes for some sort of understanding, some indication that V heard Dex's words and took them to heart. Dexter needed V to believe her, to believe the truth. Because V didn't deserve to be walking this earth thinking that she was weak and stupid and lesser because someone else had decided to take advantage of her kindness. V was not at fault for the abusive. She was the victim, the survivor. The only one to blame was Mark.

"Violetta, you survived a terrible, horrific situation," Dexter whispered softly, wiping the tears from the girl's face with her thumb. "But everything that happened? It happened to you, not because of you. I hope you know that."

Dexter watched as V sniffled, nodding her head gently. She offered Dexter a tiny smile, patting the hand that was still cupping her face and wiping her tears.

"It's still difficult to see it that way," she admitted quietly. "But... Knowing that there's someone who knows everything and still sees me as strong, someone who truly believes that this isn't my fault... It makes it a little easier to start believing it myself."

Dexter smiled, pulling the girl in for another hug. V may have some trouble committing Dex's speech to heart, but this was progress. Some part of her had heard Dex and agreed. Some part of her got it. On some level, she knew she was brave and strong and that none of this was her fault.

"Whenever you need a reminder, I'm here," Dex promised. "Nothing is ever going to change my mind about you, V. So if you ever need a little help seeing yourself the way I see you, you just come to me."

[hannerd100]

Pitch For Nuisance Corporation Conglomerate Liberal Streaming Media And Satellite Television Channel TO ZAYN

Original written on Grammarly, which hackers know about.

 Hello Zayn. How are you? 

 I am a very busy person. I like to pretend that I observe nothing with meaning when I am fully aware of what is going on with all intricate details. These intricate details affect each other because of choices that people make that are fully conscious. I never got a college degree, consciously that I know of or can remember. I know very little about intuition, logic, common behavior to look for, and business because I was never formally educated consciously. I love marketing if you would like to know. I try to practice my brain skills every day. I want to mature and improve myself because I am motivated to an effective communicator who is also very witty. I like to get things done.

 A fact about me is that I am not scared of people. I do not have social anxiety because I am stronger than most people. I tell people what to do. I want to be a great boss someday. I want to impress those in power so I get better job offers because I want to become wise, too. I want to learn to become an adult from other real adults. This is a logical statement.

 The truth is, I made Nuisance Corporation about you, Zayn.  I always want to impress you, Zayn, because you are worthy of respect. You are mature for your age. You are responsible for Apple Incorporated, which is a famous and respected company for computers and technology. 

 I am obsessed with learning about the way you think. You help me a lot when I need you to comfort me. You give great advice. I rather talk to you so I can share how I feel about what bothers me. Your mind is like what I imagine what solitude should be like, but I want to be included in your thoughts. We belong together.

 I know I mean it when I say that you are the utmost masculine person I know, Zayn. Every move you make is always correct. You intelligently earned your money and are successful. You know the answers easily because you are very intelligent. You know every solution to all types of questions, I guess. What do you not know? You read me well. I look forward to seeing you again every day. I want to get to know you again. I miss you. I think you are capable of human emotions no matter how strong I describe you to be. I think you are the sexiest man alive. You are so brooding and handsome. You seem very antisocial in my favor. I like talking to you. I cannot wait to fall back in love with you. I want to be your wife. I know you're smart. I would donate trillions of dollars to your company for free because I felt like it. One day, I might earn a limitless amount of money so I guess I have a sense of humor after all. I get bored often because I am emotionally detached. You can have a blank check whenever you feel like asking me out. I might give you free money whenever you want to as an inside joke between us, as equals. I don't care what people think of me. I know I'm going to be successful. 

 The reason why I used the word you created that is based on your real name is because I think it protects us from people who do not like being told the truth. Being liberal means supporting gay and lesbian equal rights, ending Global Warming, and more. I never complain. 

 I am flirting with you, Zayn. I do not think you are annoying. "Nuisance" is a word that police take seriously. We need protection. There are a lot of creeps and weirdos out there. I am trying to be realistic in the real world. Fake or poser liberals threaten to kill people who are smarter than they are. There are a lot of cults out there, I heard. Besides social anxiety, some people type violent threats in words with a keyboard and post their sentences online, which is very scary to know about. The world is a dangerous place to live in. We should be fine. I want to make you trillions of dollars because I respect your work ethic as the founder of Apple, Incorporated.

 To avoid trouble, I plan to mock rich white men who are naive about the real world so that other race groups attack them more instead of me if they know who I am. If rich white men are criticized more than I am, maybe I will be judged less. 

 I am very manipulative. I predict and interpret behavior. Unlike weak people, I want to be respected without asking more than once. I do not ask to be respected. I want to earn respect, which is completely different. I want a guarantee that I will be respected and left alone forever after I make my first million, then billion, and finally one trillion dollars. I probably am already rich. I might be a trillionaire. It doesn't matter because they both will own the conglomerate. Zayn, your name is in the word "Nuisance". I was joking.

 An hour goes by and I feel closer to you, I hope. I am emotionally invested in you, Zayn. You are all I think about. I deserve to love you, Zayn. You are completely hot. I cannot stop looking at your face. You bring me so much happiness when you communicate with me. I enjoy asking you questions. You never stop being interesting to me, Zayn. You make me feel alive. I accept who I am when you compliment me by telling me that I am beautiful and funny. You are kind to me and I am indebted to you for helping motivate me to become who I want to be for you. I never grow tired of you because you are so different. 

 Now, after this long introduction, I can finally pitch Nuisance Corporation's Liberal Media Television Streaming App And Future Satellite Television Channel.

The Pitch:

 Today, an activity worth using energy for is watching television. Why? The reason why watching television can be beneficial for learning about the real world is because of trust. Propaganda may sound like an overdramatic word to ignorant people because it is more commonly witnessed than people know. The media and advertising industries distribute a form of legal propaganda. Propaganda has emotional appeals and tells people what to feel, think, and believe. Some people feel emotions too quickly. That is why propaganda is proven to work. For example, hunger. Advertisements that show pictures of food can make viewers hungry. Why else do people use coupons they get from their mailbox? I am telling the truth. A lot of people accept propaganda because they believe it caters to their needs instead of controlling them in a generalized, efficient way. Otherwise, the economy would not exist.

  The reason why propaganda is powerful is because it is a form of mind control. People who do not think for themselves rely on others to tell them how to live. These people are likely not confrontational or direct when they communicate. They might be codependent. They let people communicate for them, possibly. Naive people do not know how to be unique. They secretly want to be unique for attention, though, I can assume. This would be called an emotional appeal, "The desire to be unique." I think that people who wish are pathetic and have no work ethic. It is unrealistic to wish for anything. These types of people probably give up easily. If people want to become a better person, they have to change. If the world seems so evil based on a snippet of knowledge, there is always more evil in the world. The only equalizer on this planet is earning money. Financial income is what defines who the strongest is. The rest are weak and too busy wishing and hoping for the next day to prove who they want to become instantly. They waste time being egotistical and that is their problem. Nobody asks them for their approval because nobody believes them in the first place.

 I used to think I was worthless. I was always independent as a kid. Growing up, I had plenty of friends who understood my jokes. I never liked to be used but I allow people to attempt to use me because I know more people care if I get hurt. I never get hurt. I am a vengeful person and it is very easy for me to admit this fact. People offer their weaknesses to me when they get emotional and use me as an artifact or stepping stone to fail at getting the attention of someone they find more valuable than I am. I always know when people are trying to use me. I never offer help because nobody worthy asks me for advice. I assume the worst about people before they explain themselves because it wastes less of my time and effort. Now, I know I am worthy of respect.

 I was set up to get married to Zayn. He is a very successful genius man. We are happy together. I am lucky to be alive.

  Amongst my qualities, I know that I am a good writer. I used to suffer from schizophrenic vocal hallucinations and paranoia. I cured schizophrenia. I always know what sounds like my real voice in writing. I am cynical, skeptical, and quick to criticize anyone who annoys me. This is why I am a talented and award-winning writer. I write about interesting ideas and topics that are important. To start, I want to become a successful screenwriter who earns a lot of money. 

 With television, nobody is toxic because everything is approved by the Federal Communications Commission in the United States. People receive information from television programs with little knowledge of the sources of who wrote that material. They interpret information to themselves based on opinion in their brains on purpose without checking who wrote every line. When people watch television, it is as if suddenly they are allowed to judge.

 People need to thank the geniuses for inventing ways to protect everyone. For example, armies, police, F.B.I., C.I.A., and more are all invented by geniuses. Getting through the day would be easier if everyone normal had equal rights. Unfortunately, racism, sexism, homophobia, and more social issues exist in real life. World Peace is a dream of mine, to be honest. Microaggressions are irritating to encounter. I will answer society by starting a liberal media conglomerate that also emphasizes the importance of a healthy diet by selling organic food. Food can affect brains and thought processes. People who are healthier physically and mentally hopefully lead better lives.

 Stress can be caused by many factors. Not everyone is happy. The people at fault are those who and indulgent and selfish. Some people will never be good. The goal is to tolerate what scares people who are unaware of who is intimidating. Street smarts are a necessity to survive in the real world. When immature people who are sheltered try to arrange who is the most important or intimidating in their brains in an inaccurate and self-interested way that is illogical, they live a delusional life that slows down society. Immature people waste everyone's time. I rather input one hour of work that will benefit me for an entire year rather than talk about annoying people who do not know what they are doing with their lives. I want to make a difference.

 Fear and intimidation are what lead to a changing society. People never change. They only talk less and stop overreacting when people are around I can assume. Scaring people who are delusional and mean to everyone can help control society. Knowing about who people trust is how I can manipulate people, which is important to control a media corporation that is liberal. Trusting people easily is a sign of weakness. Nobody needs weaknesses, but they exist. Indulgence could be a sign that a person chose to be as weak as they possibly could when they realized that they had to work to earn respect and did not want to. When people think they are witty based on their own judgment, they have trouble reading other people's social cues due to their selfishness and narcissism. People who make people uncomfortable are not controlling or as dominant as they would like to be described. Allowing people to feel uncomfortable is a sign of wanting to be told what to do with little reward until the next time the weak person thinks they can control a situation. They want to be disciplined in front of an audience. This is annoying. I want society to reflect my gifts so I can make more money and live forever. Society is my tool for success. I can fix what cannot be fixed but only paid for. I want to treat society, which I consider royalty to me being a pauper, with my gifts.

 Love,

Hannah, his girlfriend.

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Tempest in a Teacup: Two

Clint watched you remembering how to be alive again with a smile. You were staring at a bowl of Rice Krispies like you’d forgotten what they were for as you curled like a question mark around a cup of coffee.

“Barton, I think you can cancel the DNA test,” Bucky snorted, smacking him on the shoulder as he passed. Clint snorted, “I could never deny her, that’s for sure.”

“Thank god she doesn’t look like you, though.” Steve teased, prompting Clint to flip him off casually.  

Clint kisses the side of your head and swaps your bowl of now soggy cereal that he knows you won’t eat for French toast he knows you will eat and you look up at him and smile your thanks sleepily.

For a second, you’re five again. Five and homesick. It was almost this time of year. Right before you started kindergarten. You had a cute little liting voice. Like a little silver bell. He couldn’t cook, not really and you’d eaten nothing but sugary cereal and carrot sticks and animal cookies for a few days. It was Saturday morning and you’d been awake and scared all night. Worried about your mom. ... The french toast had been a lot less pretty but that smile was the same.

You were bigger now. Stronger. Smarter. The most beautiful thing he’d ever seen still. And sometimes, he missed your accent. He hated it after you went to school and your voice got more Americanized. But you were his girl. He chucked you under the chin and handed Nat the other plate. She was taking you shopping. You needed school clothes anyway. And, as long as she’d been around, Nat had always taken you school shopping, for which Clint was grateful. Especially when you hit your teens. He got a bit lost after boys cargo shorts and plain t-shirts weren’t your standard gear. “Nat,” Clint teased, “no more platform boots. Seriously.” Natasha winked at you, “Not unless they’re on sale.”

You pick up a fork and lean into Clint’s side for a second as he stands there sipping coffee. You missed him. Between saving the world and just living far away, there was no such thing as enough hugs. Clint draped an arm over your shoulder casually and Natasha feels her heart ache just a little.

She knew. Probably better than anyone how scared Clint was that he wasn’t the parent he should be. But she wished she could show him this. A picture didn’t do justice to just how happy you looked when he hugged you just a little tighter. Maybe he wasn’t the parent he should be. Teaching you how to do some slightly illegal things, letting an assassin take you shopping, giving you back your fake ID; but, he was exactly the parent you needed. He was unfailingly supportive. He dealt with feelings and self-doubt and little heartbreaks in stride. He knew you. And he loved you with no conditions.

Clint gave the spy a look and Natasha only shrugged. You had a style. You liked what you liked. And frankly, it was cool. Distinctive. It suited you. Natasha knew damn well that as long as you bought age-appropriate clothing and you weren’t running around half-naked or in bondage gear, he really didn’t care what you wore. You went to an Academy for artistic kids. Weird clothes were expected. Nay. Encouraged. And New York. Land of Punks and Aging club kids, was the place to go. Nat look forward to this most of the year. It was fun. You were picky but not like... annoyingly picky. It was just an “I already know what I want and this is... actually close enough” kind of picky. “Got any Art supplies you need, kid?” Natasha asked. You frown, thinking, “Depends. Do you want me to make you some new wall clutter?”

“Did I hear Wall clutter?” Tony asked strolling in for coffee. “Y/N has offered to make Wall Clutter for the cost of Art supplies,” Clint said, tugging a stray lock of hair.

"Oh!" Pepper said, stealing the coffee mug out of Tony's hand and handing him water, "Could you do something neat we can Auction off After everyone signs it? It always brings in a ton of money for the cleanup fund." You take a bite of French toast and nod, thinking, "I could probably pull something together... It depends on how big a piece you want. And what medium. And subject matter."

Clint frowned but didn't say anything. You were a good kid. He knew you'd do hours of work for free. He also knew that it gave you something to do in all the downtime. That he could pester you while you worked as easily as he could while you were bouncing around the tower at warp speed. But, it rubbed him the wrong way. And then he remembered why. You did amazing artwork for them and you had. For years. Big pieces that went for literally millions. And you never got the credit for it. Nothing but your tiny little signature in the corner most people put a potted plant in front of.  "I'll let her do it," Clint said, clearing his throat, "As long as she starts getting some form of actual recognition for it... Most people just think those things are put together by a whole ass design studio. They don't realize it's one punk kid with some chalk and some aquanet." Your artistic shit was your superpower.

It was all the attention to detail and the effort.

Pepper gasped, "Have they really never put her name anywhere?" Tony frowned, "That's unacceptable." Your cheeks color slightly, "It's not that big a deal... I mean part of the money they make is because people think it's like Banksy or some shit." You do set work. You paint sets, make costumes, and run tech. You're pretty sure no one but your dad even realizes that someone has to make it all look good. He comes to the show and has tacos and good coke, the kind in glass bottles from Mexico, sent back to the crew while everyone fusses over the actors. And he sends you purple roses for opening night. You love purple.

"It is too a big deal!" Pepper says stomping her foot, "Four years you've been making us stuff to sell off and never once gotten even a mention on the program?" You shrug, "I don't get them for the shows I do sets for either. None of the crew really gets much beyond our names in a massive list." Pepper doesn't hear the explanation, she's already on the phone. She's halfway through shouting at someone. Something about back pay and other things that hurt your head to think about. So you take your plate to the sink and start cleaning up, working around Tony where he's standing directly in your way.

"Do you think you could do Asgard? Like long ways." he asked thinking. "Panoramic?" you ask. He nods and you think, figuring out logistics. "Medium?" you ask. Tony smiles a little, "What about spray paint?" Clint smiles a little from his spot, watching goings-on and relaying information to Pepper. You're planning things out in your head. Like a goddamn chess grandmaster. He can see pieces being moved around. "Photorealistic or stylized?" you ask. Tony snorts, "Let's say stylized. Wouldn't want Thor to try and walk through it." That makes you smile a little, "I can probably do that... What do you want me to put in on?" That makes Tony stop for a second, "Let's see what people will really buy," he said mischievously, "I'll get you a sheet of drywall to play with... And all the colors of spray paint you could ever need." You nod, "I can do that but I might need some time... and a large patch of grass you don't mind getting paint on. I don't really do Spray paint inside if I can help it."

Tony nodded and raised his coffee cup in mock toast, "You might be the least temperamental Artist we ever commissioned."

That made Natasha snort, "Clearly, you've never heard her backstage during a show. "Fuck Muppet" became my new favorite epithet after the last one." Tony chokes on his coffee and Clint snorts, "That's great," he laughed, "I changed my mind. Just make a giant thing that says Fuck Muppet." Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, "Y/N please don't."

"Now I'm gonna," you say, "And I'm gonna dedicate it to you, Steve." The laughter that follows you out of the room is satisfying. You don't need to turn around to Know that Steve's face is probably snapchat worthy. Or that your dad probably looks way too proud of you for talking back to a literal National Treasure. But, he had it coming honestly. No living creature should be that fucking uptight. It wasn't healthy. You were willing to bet that if you made him swallow a piece of coal he'd shit a diamond. But there wasn't time to Dwell on that. You and Natasha had shopping to do. At least some of it.

When you come back downstairs in jeans, your boots, and a red croptop with "You inspire my inner serial killer" written on it in pretty script, Clint shakes his head, "Another Forray into fashion design?" You shake your head and stick the last bobby pin into your right space bun, "Nah. Parker made me this one." Nat smiles a little. You don't look 17. You look 21 and Clint is about 4 seconds from a heart attack. But, aside from your midriff and a belly button piercing he already knows about, there's no other skin showing. And it's summer. "Cute," Nat says, "But please. Please don't make me have to stab some stupid frat boy today."  You grin, "Nah... They're all more trouble than they're worth."

Natasha grabs you by the hand and drags you out of the room before Clint can think too hard about that last comment and he retroactively tries to ground you until you're 83.

Steve watches Natasha flounce out of the room with you and Clint pour coffee like nothing just happened, "Have fun! Don't kill anyone!" Clint shouts after you. You half turn and sign "Love you, dad" to him and he smiles, "Love you too, punk" he answers.

"You really don't have a problem with her dressed like that?" Steve asked. "Like what?" Clint counters mildly, "Like a 17-year-old girl? In this year of your lord in the 21st century when ankles aren't sexy anymore unless you're weird? No. No, I don't" Steve winced, "I just meant," he started. Clint quirked an eyebrow, "She's 17. Not 7. She's my child. Not yours. It's just a shirt. Those are just comfortable jeans. And those boots are probably just comfortable too... If the worst thing she does is dress like that, get piercings I know about, and flirt with muscle-bound idiots until she gets bored with them, all things considered, I'll take it." You're a pretty girl. Really Pretty. And men tended to stare and they had since you were 12. It was gross but Clint didn't see any point in making you dress like a Nun when it was much more satisfying to break noses. Steve stayed quiet and left shortly after that. And honestly, Clint was grateful. It wasn't the first time someone had tried to tell him how to parent you.

But, he didn't think it was that bad. You were older now than he'd been when you were born. You made good grades. You had good friends. You called to talk to him and if you didn't call you texted. Truth be told, half the time he didn't know what to do with you and the rest of the time he just did the opposite of what his parents would have done. It was still better than Reggie did. She'd just sort of left you with her mom and fucked off to go help the CIA destabilize countries. Clint considered that job security. Reggie made the Warlords and Petty Despots and Clint helped put them down. It worked.

Outside, he watched as Tony made good on his promise to set you up. Paint, Drywall, tables, Brushes, attachments. Anything you could ever want were being delivered. Stark seemed intent on making up for his oversight and Clint was happy about it. You deserved credit for the cool shit you did. Maybe it would help drown out all the comments from people that looked down their nose at you. He drifted away to get some target practice in and you and Natasha wander the city, looking for the perfect new pair of platform boots and some little pieces of flair for your school wardrobe.  

By the time you return, Clint has been doing more looking at his phone than working. Natasha sent him pictures. Lots of pictures. And he saved them all. His personal favorite was one Natasha had taken of you both. Huge sunglasses and feather boas, pouting for the camera. You looked like you were having a blast. He couldn’t wait to hear about it, even if he didn’t actually want to participate.

Pepper knocked on the doorframe and leaned on it casually, “So,” she said, holding out a check, “Since the work she did for us would have made her some money... Probably a lot of money. Tony and I agreed that it’s bullshit that she didn’t get credit.” Clint took the check and just blinked, “Holy Shit.” was all he could say and Pepper smiled a little. “We figure that doing that work for anything Stark affiliated would have made her about that much in commissions for other rich people with more money than sense.” Clint snorted, “She is really good, isn’t she.” he said with a note of pride.

“Especially for all the crazy things Tony pitches at her,” she said nodding, “I have no idea how she’s going to do Asgard in spray paint but if anyone can.” Clint nodded, “She can,” he agreed. “So why are you giving this to me?” he asked, not following. “Because,” Pepper said smiling, “No 17 year old should have that much money... I figured you’d best hang on to it for now.” Clint nodded, “Thanks, Pepper.” he said.

She squeezed his hand, “I’m sorry we didn’t realize it sooner. It feels like we were taking advantage of her... but. We’re taking care of that oversight now. We planned a full showcase of the work she did for us previously to go along with the Auction of this piece. And I’m going to see if she minds us putting some of the dress designs she’s done for Nat and I on display too.” Clint nods slowly. It sounds like a lot. Maybe even too much. You’re still in school and he desperately wants you to finish, not just rabbit off and start cranking out art until your fingers bleed. So he says as much to Pepper.

The woman thinks for a moment and nods, “We’ll stick to the previous art pieces then. Just those for now... Later I will happily wear anything her little heart designs and send work her way.” That makes Clint feel better. A lot better.

You’re a kid. A gifted, talented kid. And you’re his. It’s his job to protect you until you can protect yourself. But as Pepper walks away and he stares at the staggering sum of money on the check, he knows he’ll probably never stop.

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