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toskarin · 1 year ago

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minecraft

<rin> the gist of it is that when I was with my ex who just kind of brought things up to start fights, I eventually got numb to it and mentally checked out of arguing. it was always insanely mundane stuff that would get responses (eg asking if a weapon in warframe was meta and taking it personally if I said it wasn't) so I naturally concluded "ah yeah, minecraft won't do that"

<rin> but what I didn't realise is that in response to any attempt to do that in minecraft, I'd go dwarfmode and just build an incomprehensible hyperfixation labyrinth while nodding and going "mhm" every time argument bait was dropped

<rin> this base had literally 300 rooms, connected by tunnels and spires with nothing in them that I constructed in a fugue state and filled with mannequins, but then I realised I had a problem

<rin> that was really really really fucking scary

<rin> what I had ACTUALLY built was a city that could house an entire faction, to scale with some real life towns and fully furnished, in a place where ambient cave noises would play and it wasn't always clear where the next door to the surface (or an airlock into a cavern) was

<rin> and I got so creeped out conceptually by having a massive labyrinth that was made entirely of negative autistic energy, filled with mannequins that I placed seemingly only to scare myself, that I stopped going in most of it and kind of hid in one of the top floors (the one with the terracotta ballroom and the roman style bathing area)

<rin> the end result was that I started building houses inside of the house, smaller basecamps that were less creepy than the massive empty structure, along with numbered signs and routes through it that avoided "the creepy parts"

<rin> the creepy parts were like. exceptionally weird.

<rin> it wasn't even built as a base, but just vaguely attached "expansion" that usually simulated something or otherwise looked like it should have a use

<rin> for example, a series of identical plazas, connected by a central spiral staircase, all with identical underground apartment buildings that flanked all four sides, down to the furniture inside of them, all the way to bedrock

<gf> oh my god babe

<gf> i don't even know what to say. just oh my god

<rin> there were multiple restaurants, and the gimmick of them is that they were identical except for the color of the wool used on the carpet, and there were 20 of them

<friend> rin, are you like, okay

<rin> oh no I'm insane

<rin> genuinely I wish I still had the world file because like, what cool organic horror it was

<gf> yeah that sounds kind of incredible in like a really terrible way

<rin> there were distinctly the small manageable rooms where I was actually comfortable playing the game and then there was the horrifying maze of structures that made up my mental labyrinth further in or something

<rin> total aside, that's why there's the metrolith labyrinths in vesalblood. the "compacted underground urban center built on top of other urban centers" thing struck me as a cool enough concept to keep

#minecraft story #chatlog

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andreabandrea · 1 year ago

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I absolutely don't mean this in a bad way, but I think a lot about how Pokemon is a power fantasy for kids. And I know this is obvious because it's a game for children, but let me ramble.

Think about it: you can go wherever you want, knowing you're safe because your Pokemon will protect you. In the later games, you can dress however you want and express yourself freely. You can connect with nature and communities of friendly kids and adults around you. You can make a meaningful, positive impact on the world. You can stand toe-to-toe with adults who, in real life, would ignore or even belittle you because you're just a kid. (And, of course, you have superpowered pets that love you.)

I think about how in the original games, Brock and Misty are presented as kids/young teens and become friends with Ash. But, Lt. Surge presents a difficulty spike-- if you chose Bulbasaur, you can easily sweep the first two gyms with it, but now you don't have a supereffective match up unless you plan more. I think it's meaningful, then, that Lt. Surge is portrayed a big, scary adult man and military to boot. In the anime, he's presented as being condescending and intimidating toward Ash. But, you as the player are able to overcome this intimidating man through the power of your Pokemon. The same can be said for people like Team Rocket and Giovanni-- Giovanni's original sprite in Red & Blue makes it look like he's looming over you, sneering at you.

It can easily be forgotten by adult fans, but you're seeing this world through the perspective of a child. Giovanni looming over you represents how it feels to be a child, powerless, and face an adult who's cruel to you. But you defeat him at every match up.

Satoshi Tajiri would go on to say that Pokemon was inspired by his childhood, in which he'd go out and collect bugs. Miyamoto would say that the first Zelda game was inspired by his childhood in which he'd explore the local area and caves and so on.

It makes me sad to think that, as the world becomes more modern, more urbanized, and (as parents tend to see it, at least) more unsafe, this childhood that inspired these classic games become further out of reach for kids. When I was growing up, I lived in a suburb full of concrete. I couldn't walk anywhere, and even if I could, my mother was too anxious to let me just go around unsupervised.

This is why getting the bike is such a big moment in Pokemon-- you can go so much farther as a kid on a bike! But, I also could only ride my bike up and down my boring street before running into a major street full of cars going 50 MPH that would have murdered me instantly.

This isn't a doom post. I still believe that we can repair the damage that capitalism and cars have done to the world. But, I think that in times like this, it's more important than ever for kids to have access to these power fantasies, these escapes from a world that they have no ability to fix, but still suffer from regardless.

Ironically, I think that when I play Pokemon now, I play it to feel smaller rather than to feel bigger, the opposite of how I played it as a kid. Now, it's comforting to escape from work and stress into a world in which your only concerns are walking to the next town, catching a new Pokemon, and maybe fighting a gym leader. The same can be said of any piece of media that someone is nostalgic for, but I think Pokemon feeds into it well because its design is so baked in the experience of being a child.

When I'm playing Pokemon, especially when replaying an old game, I still remember things like only saving in Pokemon centers so that my character could sleep there in a nice building, or imagining them setting up camp if I had to save and quit on a route. If I had time, I would feed my Pokemon some Pokeblocks or etc. at my little 'camp' so they wouldn't be hungry (which is why I felt like the cooking and camping systems from SwSh were so real for me, haha).

I don't think that there's a 'wrong' way to play Pokemon-- I know people enjoy competitive Pokemon, and strict challenge runs, and stuff. And I can enjoy that, too! But, for me, Pokemon is about childhood, you know?

#bandrea blabbers

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centrally-unplanned · 6 months ago

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Adam Tooze giving some pitch-perfect pornography targeted at me specifically with Israel's "Gaza 2035: A three-step master plan to build what they call the Gaza-Arish-Sderot Free Trade Zone", capped with an AI generated Gaza-Dubai:

I'm in love, this is so glorious. "The world if Israel could play around with Gaza like a little set of Legos" tell me this is not identical energy:

Except its not a shitpost its an actual report from the Office of the Prime Minister. And folks we have got it all! The most convoluted administration system you could possibly imagine for no reason:

The new free trade zone would be administered by Israel, Egypt, and what the Israeli Prime Minister calls the Gaza Rehabilitation Authority (GRA)—a proposed Palestinian-run agency that would oversee reconstruction in Gaza and “manage the Strip’s finances.”

A cutesy little minimalist graphic of all the brand new industries that will magically become globally competitive in export markets because Israel says so:

The beach resorts are in my beloved!! But what are the little factories you ask? Oh nothing, just electric car production facilities!

Remember, before building your first factory, you need 18 Burj Khalifas. We economists call this "infrastructure development", take notes.

It will have high-speed rail through its center, oil projects on the coast, and of course, I'm saving the best for last - a rail project to NEOM:

🥳The 🥳Line 🥳Mentioned 🥳

The legend on the map literally just says "a mega project" like, oh yeah, one of those! See em all the time.

Now, you might be asking - Ash, if this is your goal wouldn't you have not destroyed every square inch of habitable urban infrastructure in Gaza and shredded their economy into scraps of paper soaked in blood if your plan was to Singapore-on-the-Sea the place? You sweet summer child, those apartments? They are apartments of the past, darling, you don't need organically developed urban ecologies built over time to compliment human habitation. That is for fucking libs. All of this "war" thing was just set-up to create a blank slate for the construction of The Line 2: Its Definitely Real This Time!

I am going to murder James C Scott myself just so I can hover this plan over his corpse and watch the sheer hubris of this monument to the state's desire for legibility and technocratic solutionism resurrect him from the goddamn grave.

"Well....at least after all this they would have to recognize Palestine as a stat-" Woah woah woah woah, hold on:

The final stage would be when Palestine signs the Abraham Accords signaling “Palestinian self-rule,” albeit without statehood

Lets not...lets not get overambitious here. Baby steps, you know? We have to be careful.

Anyway this is the most ludicrously ill-considered and ill-presented reconstruction plan I have ever seen in my life and I shudder to think that, instead of it being an off-hand drip of propaganda intended solely to brush off nosey reporters and diplomats, it might actually be serious. Bibi hasn't let me down yet on the "thinking things through" front!

But tbc if this was fiction - instead of a ruthlessly grim reality - the Regional Deputy Minister of Trade charged with implementing this technocratic abortion would be my precious little blorbo and I would stan her to hell and back.

#i/p conflict #technocracy '''''fanblog'''''

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notbecauseofvictories · 11 months ago

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I think I saw you shared a list of books you’d read a couple years ago and was it you who read something like 350+ books in a single year? If so that’s absolutely remarkable and I’d love to see a list of top ten (or twenty or whatever number) of books you’ve read this year that you recommend

Don't be ridiculous, I only read 303 books in 2021! That's much more reasonable than 350. And I've read fewer and fewer each year since---this year I don't think I'm going to crack 50, though I still have a couple days.

Still, always happy to talk about what I enjoyed. Books are listed in vaguely chronological order, though I make no promises.

Patricia Wants to Cuddle, Samantha Allen

I've mentioned this book before, but essentially I put in the library request solely for the improbability of the premise---The Bachelor heads to the PNW and encounters Bigfoot? Fortunately, it delivered on that promise magnificently. A breezy and delightfully gruesome little novel with a bodycount.

Are You My Mother?, Alison Bechdel

I didn't viscerally connect with this one as much as "Fun Home" but I think it might be because it's…closer to the bone for me. When Bechdel writes about the longing for a mother that can't be answered, pulling back, pleasing, an anger that becomes unspeakable, re-routed to anxiety…it's uh. well it's churned up the silt, let's put it that way.

Greener Pastures, Michael Wehunt

I love short stories, but finding those authors who hit the right notes unerringly, in such a brief space, can be tricky sometimes. Wehunt is the rare exception, strange and unique as a writer, dream-like in his descriptions and images. "October Film Haunt: Under the House" was my favorite, though I can't say for sure whether it's because I recognized the framing device or it was just fun to read…

Running with Scissors, A Wolf at the Table, Lust & Wonder, Augusten Burroughs

I read these out of order (Lust & Wonder first, then the other two) but even so, I was wildly impressed. Lust & Wonder was a revelation; I stumbled on it in the library and walked out with it the same day. No wonder people tell you to read his books, he's got such a clear-eyed meanness, an interesting sort of canniness to his depiction of himself, the people in his life…it really does demonstrate that there is no such thing as a boring life, just a boring narrator. But if Lust & Wonder is Burroughs at the height of his power, Running with Scissors and Wolf at the Table are the necessary steps up to it. More unfinished, more raw---a litany of horrors, not even leavened by that same canny, mean humor that flashes through L&W. It's just horrifically sad to watch every person around this kid fail him, leave, or both; terrifying and unexpectedly funny and yet tender as a sucking wound.

The Princess Bride, William Goldman

I picked this up entirely by chance and ended up being deeply charmed. I don't know what I was expecting---well, no, that's not true, I was expecting the film. But what I got instead was something almost real, pleasantly rough around the edges as Goldman's caustic narration winds its way from Florin to the machinations of S. Morgenstern's lawyers, to his struggles with raising his son. (One of the funniest scenes was when he goes to meet S. Morgenstern's lawyer, and the ravishingly beautiful attorney becomes a horrible old hag the more she talks about how he won't be granted a license.) I was afraid the book would be twee, but at the center of it is a pure (if slightly embarrassing, but truth generally is outside of Florin) love of stories, and wanting stories told.

In the Woods, The Likeness, Broken Harbor, Tana French

As I've said before, I started reading this series because I was traveling to Ireland and thought it seemed appropriate. I didn't go too deep into French's oeuvre, mostly because I couldn't shake wanting the books to be urban fantasy rather than gripping psychological portraits with a decidedly noir sensibility. Still, the books themselves are taut and fascinating, the portraits they paint of the Dublin Murder Squad (all of whom are staggering, wounded in their own ways) and the blighted, post-Celtic Tiger Ireland, are deeply compelling. Also, I do still think The Likeness is a perfect answer to The Secret History.

Lesser Known Monsters of the 21st Century, Kim Fu

There's something truly powerful in a short story that doesn't answer any questions or provide you with any sort of guidance---just walks in and rearranges your photographs so they're slightly off-kilter, leaves you with that destabilization. It's almost spiritual, that sense. In particular, there's a story in the collection about the world's sense of taste disappearing; a woman begins crafting art installations to try and recreate the experience of eating a pear, what your favorite family meal tasted like. Short stories are like that.

Perilous Times, Thomas D. Lee

I was surprised by this one. I know that's how I've described half the books above, but truly, this surprised me---not so much the rising action or plot (there's a sleeping king, knights around a table, a dragon) but I loved the setting so much. The depiction of a slightly-futuristic UK as drowning land sold off for parts; figures like immortal spymaster Marlowe coexisting with reborn Lancelot and Kay; the fay hovering around the edges; and then just….all the factions, the Welsh royalists and men's rights group propped up by military contractors; environmental activists, the references to the hodgepodge that existed in the 4th century AD too. More than anything, the novel conveyed how Britain's always been a place of change, the movement of people and permeable barriers, and that more than anything worked for me. (Also, it's a small thing but I loved how the Camelot crew translated modern concepts and objects into their language and knowledge of the world. It was always shown as hesitation rather than total shock, and I found it both moving and persuasive.)

A Cup of Salt Tears, Isabel Yap

I read this in a series of speculative novellas, which impressed on me yet again how hard it must be to write novellas. (Last year, one of my least favorite books was a novella; I still think about it with joyful hate.) However, Yap takes care to focus on single, brief narrative, concerns herself solely with the very small yet very significant issue of a woman, her husband, who and how she loves, wrapped up together with a kappa. Excellent, haunting.

Books of 2020 | Books of 2021 | Books of 2022

#from the bookshelf

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leikeliscomet · 10 months ago

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A Brief Look at Stem(me) History

Wanted to know more about Black lesbian identities and I couldn't find a lot on Tumblr or Twitter so I did some research on stem/stemme myself. I'm not involved in queer discourse like that but I've noticed stemme being compared with futch both positively an negatively. The term "futch" is a mash up of butch and femme and the OG Futch Scale was posted 17th February 2011. In 2015, it got posted to Tumblr and became a meme, then an accidental "guide" on lesbian identity. Regardless of stances pro-futch or anti-futch I wanted to find info on stem/stemme as a Black lesbian identity for gender and gender expression. The modern definition of a stem/stemme is a Black lesbian whose gender expression and mannerisms fall between stud and femme. I've managed to find definitions not only supporting this but also definitions predating the futch scale, both pre and post meme version:

"Stem – A person whose gender expression falls somewhere between a stud and a femme. (See also ‘Femme’ and ‘Stud’.)" Stud is defined as "An African-American and/or Latina masculine lesbian. Also known as ‘butch’ or ‘aggressive’." (John Jay College of Criminal Justice LGBTQ+ Terminology, Eli R. Green, 2003-2004)

"Stemm A stemm is a gay/lesbian female who dresses like a guy, and dresses like a girl. Person 1: Look at that girl, she looks like a dude with all those guy clothes on, she has to be a stud Person 2: Well she was wearing girly clothes yesterday, so I thought she was a femm Person 3: Actually she's a stemm, she's wears boy clothes sometimes, and girl clothes other times" (Urban Dictionary definition of Stemm by user JenniferHill, November 8th 2009)

"A lesbian, who identifies as a Stemme, retains traits from both Femme and Stud/ Butch lesbians. Stemmes are in the center of the lesbian spectrum of classification and identities. Therefore, it is considered natural or common for Stemme lesbians to share the same behaviors as women of two diverse identity groups. Often times, the Stemme identity is viewed as the “transitional” stage of lesbianism, when a lesbian woman goes from being a Femme to a Stud/ Butch, or (on rear occasions) from a Stud/ Butch to a Femme... *In this blog the characteristic and behavioral difference between a Femme and a Stud is conjoined. The way a Femme or a Stud dresses is not the only way she can be identified. They can also be distinguished by their attitudes, actions and the way they interact with other people. A Stemme is the in-between identity of a Stud and Femme. She is apart of both groups and her identity is subject to change at anytime. A Stemme identity is often referred to as the transitional stage; however, some lesbian women remain a Stemme because they enjoy representing male and female dominance." (Lesbian Identity: Stemme, Nell S., 6th Nov 2009)

"'one who could switch up one day, she could be a femme and other occasions dress like she has a li’l hood, li’l ghetto inside her; a stemme – part femme part stud a tomboy'" (STORY OF INTEREST: Lesbian Speaks Out, Dominica News Online, April 12th 2010)

"Stemmes presented themselves one day as femme and another day as stud; as such, they were visibly unrecognisable unless they divulged their gender identity. Stemmes expose the amorphous nature of gender identity and are invisible – silenced, ostracised or prescribed a gender identity. Many participants refused to recognise that stemmes existed and instead described them as confused. As Shane (age 22) admitted: ‘Sometimes they [studs and femmes] think that we’re confused. We don’t know what we want to be.’ Stemmes show that personal identity claims were often at odds with community perceptions of identity." (Good gay females and babies' daddies: Black lesbian community norms and the acceptability of pregnancy, Sarah J. Reed, Robin Lin Miller, Maria T. Valenti & Tina M. Timm, 21st April 2011)

"Stem, described as a cross between or combination of stud and femme, is a label that was used to refer to a lesbian that presented both masculine and feminine traits and characteristics. Short Dawg said, 'A stem, for me, is a little mixture of a lot of different things. One day you can be super feminine, and the next day you can be not so feminine.'" (Labelling, Butch, Femme Dyke Or Lipstick, Aren't All Lesbians The Same?: An Exploration Of Labels And "Looks" Among Lesbians In The U.S. South, Danielle Kerr, 2013)

Videos

Who has it harder in the world of lesbians? [studs? stems? or fems?}, iRoqStarStemme, 10th Jan 2011

WTH is a STEM??, AmbersCloset, 1st Feb 2013

The Black Lesbian Handbook: The Stem, Channel 4, 9th Feb 2015

There's a lot more I found and I'll post each article and video separately because they all go into more detail but tl;dr;

Stem(me) is an identity coined by Black lesbian spaces

Stem(me) mainly follows stud/femme dynamics rather than butch/femme (but can reference it)

Stem(me) predates the futch scale meme

Stem(me) is defined by clothing but also behaviours, so it can be a form of Black gender expression or gender itself

#lesbian #black lesbian #black sapphic #black queer women #black lesbian history #stemme lesbian #stemme #black wlw #lesbian history #sapphic history #wlw history #stem lesbian #stud lesbian #masc lesbian #chapstick lesbian #stud fem #stud femme

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sovietpostcards · 1 year ago

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Dunno if you've gotten this question before; are Russian cities generally walkable and safe for pedestrians? Most places in the US and Canada, even small towns, are extremely car-centered, with urban centers being mostly covered in asphalt and dangerous roads dividing parts of the community. Meanwhile, I noticed that even after cars became more widely available, Russian cities have lots of pedestrian-only areas and little parks scattered about, and people seem more keen to walk where they need to go in the city rather than drive. Is this still the general public attitude, that cities where you can safely walk places are preferable to car-centered plans?

This is an excellent question (I'm interested in urban planning). I haven't been to America so I can't compare from experience, but I've been to Europe. On the scale of walkability, Russia is between Europe (highly walkable) and US (badly walkable).

All urban areas are possible to reach by foot, there will be pavements all along the way. Walking along the pavement is safe. On unregulated crossings (no traffic light), cars will make way for pedestrians, but of course general caution is advised. Cars will not stop for pedestrians outside of marked crossings. (I've seen that in France and it struck me as unusual, people crossing anywhere.) (I also remember visiting Georgia where cars won't even let you pass on a crossing! You have to wait until there are no cars.)

Still, the way I see it, Russian cities are firstly designed for cars and then for pedestrians. Things like pedestrian underpasses and overpasses are awful and must die. Comunities divided by wide roads is a thing. When driving between cities, you can see countless tiny villages divided in half by a highway - and sometimes only a flyover for crossing it.

There's been significant change in Moscow regarding pedestrian planning in the recent 10 or so years--pavements become wider, some streets become entirely pedestrian, there are now regular crossings where there used to be only an underground crossing, unnecessary stairs and curbs disappear. (Once I walked 10 kilometers in central Moscow with a suitcase and there wasn't a single stair step or curb. It was awesome.) They're also constantly working on their public transport. I can't wait when this paradigm reaches smaller cities like my own.

#russia #urban planning #how is where you live?

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kiwinatorwaffles · 11 months ago

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I found This is About a Stuffed Bird bc of you and its one of my favorite fics ever. Do you by chance have more suggestions?

hermitcraft/mcyt fic recs? :0 let's go!!

i get a lot of my fic recs from other friends since i don't really go out and search on my own all too much for this fandom. but there are lots of great works out here! i will be listing out some of my favorites :3 mostly hc but a couple general mcyt ones that i think are an excellent read no matter what. all of the fics i'm listing will be genfic without ships!

also i just realized a lot of my bookmarks are grian-centric which is funny i guess because i am admittedly quite picky about content of my other favorites and grian just tends to have the most content in the fanbase. hope that'll be alright

(i hope some of my friends and mutuals don't mind me tagging them for their works)

hermitcraft longfics:

the last days of the free angel of carrows by @theminecraftbee - loved stuffed bird? here's another great longfic by second! this one is about joe and cleo in an urban fantasy mystery setting. again, second writes our beloved hermits into an captivating au!

leaping and hopping on a moonshadow by @lunarblazes - a fantasy au by luna my beloved! pearl suddenly gains magical powers and goes on a quest to find her long-lost friend grian who might know what's happening to her. she meets a lot of familiar faces along the way!

Recall by @redwinterroses - hey, i was the artist for this one! :D mumbo goes missing, so grian and scar search for him. they find that grumbot has been up to some... things along the way. the fic isn't finished but i think the chapters red put out is worth a read if you don't mind leaving off on a cliffhanger because it really is super interesting

dramaturgy by wormcity - a universe where gem and pearl join in a season 7 that was never finished. mumbo became the mayor, but the turf war went so very wrong afterwards. admittedly i have not finished reading this yet because ummm short on time xD but it's super interesting with a lot of layers of drama(turgy hahaha)!

hermitcraft short fics/oneshots:

for trying. by @autistic-evil-xisuma - a stuffed bird universe oneshot of x and xisuma during their lab days. great if you want to be sad over the doomed brothers again :D

the wheels on the bus by sparxwrites - a hilarious post-s8 oneshot about grian being a little shit towards the watchers. one of the first fics i've read from this fandom and i still love it

a body is an object by ruffboi - grian is a mimic, and pearl's arrival in s8 shakes him up. she hasn't seen him in a while and is quite upset to learn that the grian she knew died a long time ago. a great read for familial connections and conflict of friendships!

Goatman and the Rift by TheDepressedCanary - doc's eldritch powers start acting up when the rift appears. what shenanigans will ensue?

other mcyt fics/crossovers:

late at night, when the stars don't look quite right by @lunarblazes - an excellent empires s1 and hermitcraft crossover longfic, where grian lands into the server and is discovered by pearl! very great worldbuilding and relationships, i especially love the dynamic between gri and pearl and pearl and gem :D

every new discovery is just a reminder by amaranthinecanicular - grian begins pulling alternate versions of the hermits from the life series into the server. he does save a lot of them, but at what cost? it does end on a cliffhanger but this is genuinely one of the most captivating oneshots i've ever read... argghhh

The Fair and the Brave and the Good by @slashmagpie - an afterlife smp longfic centered around the shelby, scott, and sausage. i have never watched afterlife smp before in my LIFE and this is still one of my favorite pieces of literature ever. the characters and worldbuilding is impeccable and perfect if you like something dark with themes of hope and renewal.

Two Can Keep a Secret (If One of Them is Red) by anonymous secretmcblog - a 3L oneshot! ren suspects grian has stockholm syndrome with his pact to stay with scar, but his expectations are wrong. a truly excellent read and one of them first fics i've read! i still go back to reread it from time to time

dog at the door by fluffy_papaya & iamsolarflare - a longfic where doc and ren take a trip on a van on their way to s8. ren, however, is not quite himself, and doc has to learn to befriend the red king.

devil town is colder in the summertime by @bananasofthorns - a oneshot from a 100hsmp/life series d&d au! team BEST ventures into a cursed evil fucked up forest. uh oh.

Interview with the Aftermath by @ranchersrevenge (wanderlasts) - the last life contestants are invited for an interview. the responses vary greatly.

stars, smoke, and stolen car keys by wormcity - a 100hsmp modern au oneshot where grian, scar, and joel go on a hike. it doesn't go quite as they expected.

the beehive state by amaranthinecanicular - a dsmp oneshot after wilbur moves to utah. tommy visits him, and the two reconnect. i have to say i stopped following dsmp a long time ago but this fic made me BAWL. i don't even think you need to know any of the characters that well to really enjoy just how amazing the writing itself is

Can't Go Back (This Time) by @duckmumbo (musicaltvbooks) - soup group goes end raiding and accientally finds themselves in afterlife smp. nothing goes wrong, surely! also admittedly i havent finished reading this either but roy i swear i will. this is a great read nevertheless and the soup group dynamic is impeccable!

TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death by eneliii - on the train of dsmp fics, this is the superhero au longfic that inspired my own hc superhero au, vdhau. it's a lot of funny shenanigans with tommy and his friends. the fic does take a dark turn at the end, but that can be skipped entirely (as said by eneli herself) if you just want the wholesome aspects.

if you don't mind a little self promo, here are some of my fics!

it takes two to play (the game of mutual secrecy) - the aforementioned hermitcraft hero au. this installment is centered around xisuma and evil x as brothers resolving their issues through hero work and solving the mystery of welsknight's disappearance :D there are other works that are set in the same universe if you're interested for more!

how to form the ultimate besties dynamic: an unreliable tutorial by hypnotizd - a oneshot! hypno is a warlock who goes treasure hunting under the sea. he meets a guardian who later becomes his unlikely friend.

smoke and mirrors, the hunt perseveres - grian's arrival in empires s2 unwittingly brings the watchers' suspicions with him. cue jimmy freaking out and a lot of shenanigans.

ballad of etho’s lab - my newest installment! a oneshot about etho's storied life as the redstone god.

i'm also currently working on the sequel to the game of mutual secrecy and a new (well not exactly new since i made concept art for it) au called private detective gem tasey! these will likely be released sometime late january or february. have fun with these fic recs! i haven't been reading as much lately but i hope ill be able to find more if anyone else asks in the future. cheers!

edit: the fics are out! here they are!

hiding in plain sight (the meaning of trust) - sequel to the hermitcraft hero au! it follows an escaped lab rat trying to acquaint themselves with human society while avoiding suspicion and making friends with familiar faces from tgms ;D

private detective gem tasey: a rotten mystery in london - a hermitcraft detective au where gem gets hired for a case that spirals completely into drama and politics!

#birdhouse inquiries #why am i hereagain tag #writing #hermitcraft #mcyt

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evieismol · 2 months ago

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Big Bend - Chapter Five - Introduction

Cw: language, mentions of giants harming/eating people (nothing comes of it)

Word count: ~1800 words

A/n: wattpad writers curse got me and I had a very chaotic weekend that included a cave, so my apologies this is late! Here's the next installment though

“Ready to go?” Penelope asked.

“Ready freddy,” I said, grabbing my phone from my dresser and putting it in my pocket.

“You guys weren't kidding when you said he was gigantic,” Penelope commented as she opened the door to our shared room, stepping out into the hallway. I was close behind her. She'd finally - in her words, given that she'd only moved in four days ago - met Easton two days prior, towards the end of a shift he'd been working with Angie.

“He really lives up to the ‘giant’ title, doesn't he?” I replied. I hadn't actually interacted with him again since we'd met on night I'd arrived. I had found my thoughts drifting back to the gargantuan alien on more than one occasion, though. That was probably to be expected; he was the first aphirial I'd ever met.

“I wonder how people are going to respond at the press conference,” Penelope said. We reached the end of the hallway. The desert sun, constant and oppressive, poured in through the window in the metal door in front of us.

I shrugged. I wasn't really sure. This meeting wouldn't be breaking the news that the park had hired an Aphirial. That had already been public for several months. In fact, I was apparently one of the few people who hadn't known prior to a few days ago - when I arrived - based on what I'd gathered from talking to Penelope and Angie. This would, however, be his first official introduction as a ranger at the park.

Penelope and I headed up to the visitor center. We were still a good distance away when I saw that Easton was already there. Even sitting down, he was taller than the multi story visitor center. As we neared, I could make out a large crowd of people that were already gathered. The crowd was thrumming with energy, a mixture of excited and nervous chattering reaching my ears. I saw Angie standing to the side almost the same time she saw Penelope and I. We made a beeline over to her.

“Hey!” She greeted us. To my surprise, I also saw Easton glance down towards us as we walked up. I wouldn't have thought he'd even notice what had to be relatively slight movement from his perspective. He met my gaze, recognition sparking in his eyes as he gave me a smile.

“God, it's hot out,” Penelope said, drawing my attention back to her and Angie. She was right. I could already feel sweat trickling down my back.

Another perk of the desert, I thought. My new environment couldn't have been more different than the urban buildings mixed with evergreen trees that I had grown used to.

“Yeah. I don't think I've quite gotten used to it yet,” I agreed. The three of us continued to make idle small talk for the next few minutes. Truthfully, it was more like Angie and Penelope made small talk, and I occasionally added in a laugh or nod when it seemed appropriate. My mind was instead wandering to the giant next to us. There was a small platform in front of him. A podium sat at the center of it. I watched as two men climbed onto it. I recognized one of them as John. The other, an older man with dark tan skin and salt and pepper hair, was unfamiliar to me.

The unfamiliar man approached the microphone. He greeted the crowd. “Welcome, everyone! I'm Daniel Perez, chief ranger here at Big Bend. I'm glad you all could join us today for this exciting day.” He continued to speak, explaining how the day marked a promising step for diplomatic relations between Earth and Aphiria. John remained a few steps behind him, hands clasped politely together.

“Well, without further ado, I'd like to introduce Big Bend's newest interpretive ranger, Easton Parks of Aphiria!” Daniel looked over his shoulder as he spoke, craning his neck up to look at Easton. Easton gave a small wave.

“I'd like to give Ranger Parks here a chance to speak, and then we'll open up the floor to questions,” Daniel said. He nodded up to Easton.

“Hi, everyone,” Easton said, giving the crowd a small wave. His voice was loud, but not painfully so, and I wondered if he was making an effort to speak more softly.

“I'm super excited to be here today, and on Earth in general! It's such a beautiful planet, and it's an honor to get to work here. As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm a bit taller than most of the people around here.” That got some laughs from the crowd. “And as you’re probably all aware, that has something to do with where I'm from, which I've heard there's a lot of curiosity about, so I wanted to take some time to answer any you might have.” He looked down at Daniel.

Daniel nodded. “Great! With that, do we have any questions?”

Instantly, an array of hands shot up into the air. They ranged from general questions about Aphiria, like how long a day there lasted - roughly twice as long as days on Earth, I learned - to questions about Easton himself, like exactly how tall he was.

“218’”, he said. There were a few that John quickly jumped in on to steer the conversation in another direction after giving a quick but firm denial. Mostly relating to the various rumors about Aphirials. Those included whether or not they'd been responsible for any Godzilla style rampages, and whether or not Easton ate people. I saw him visibly grimace at the latter.

As questions began to die out, they were replaced by an equally large number of requests for pictures. Easton seemed happy to comply with most of them, though he politely turned down some of the more…bizarre requests, like a photo holding someone by their limbs, citing safety concerns. After what had to be at least an hour and a half, the crowd began to disperse. Reporters gave way to visiting tourists, who gradually filtered out to a much smaller group.

“We should go say hi,” Penelope said. I was about to agree when a sleek black car pulled up, a song blaring loudly from within it. Loudly enough that almost everyone, including Easton, looked over. The music cut off abruptly. A woman who had what could be best described as “Cruella Deville energy” emerged. I saw Easton exchange a tentative glance with John. The woman made her way over to the platform. I thought she was going to climb onto it too for a second, but she stopped just before it, looking up at Daniel, John, and Easton.

"I assume the press conference went well," she said, hands on her hips.

“Perfectly smoothly. What brings you over here, Joy?” Daniel said. His tone was still professional, but guarded.

"I thought I'd come give a warm welcome," she said flatly, tone seeming to imply she did not feel warm or welcoming. She looked over at Easton, then to Daniel and John.

"You lot decide the normal wilderness dangers weren't enough of a liability?” She asked loudly. If her entrance hadn't already gotten the remaining crowd's attention, her question would have.

"Ranger Parks isn't a liability. He's a respected member of the park team, just like the rest of the rangers,” Daniel said, tone even.

“Really? Because I'd think his size alone would be enough to make him at least a little dangerous. Without even mentioning the…other facts about Aphirials,” Joy said. There were some uncertain murmurs in the crowd. I glanced over at Easton, trying to read his expression. It was frustratingly neutral.

“I think much of what people may have heard about Aphirials are purely rumor,” John said.

“Is that so?” Joy asked. She paused. “What about the ‘rumor’ that they have, shall we say, predatory instincts? That that's why hunting is such a popular sport on Aphiria? None of that's true?”

I saw Easton glance away.

“What she's referring to,” John said, now addressing the crowd, “is that even though their world is fairly similar to ours, Aphirials still have something of a prey drive. Of course, like Easton here, there's aphirials that don't eat meat at all. It's just a matter of discipline and figuring out alternatively adequate nutrition." John continued, explaining as though it was a fun fact.

“And for what it's worth, hunting is a population sport here in Texas as well.”

While John was speaking, Daniel stepped down off the platform, next to Joy.

“Is there anything else we can do for you today, Joy?” He asked, pointedly.

“Not today,” she said. “I'll be seeing you, Dan. John. Ranger Parks.” She stressed the word “Ranger”, placing a mocking emphasis on it. And with that, she made her exit. John watched her return to her car for a moment, then cleared his throat.

“Alright! Any other questions? Maybe about Easton's specialty, botany?”

Thankfully, between Easton's soft spoken responses and John's cheerful steering of the conversation, most of the tension from Joy's interruption dissipated fairly quickly. A few more people left.

“Okay, now we should go say hi. Unless that lady shows back up,” Penelope said. She was already pulling me up to Easton as she spoke. He looked down at us as we approached.

“Hi! We met the other day! I'm Angie's friend,” she said brightly.

“Penelope, right?” She nodded. He looked over at me. “And Zoey! I take it you found where you were headed?”

He remembered my name.

“Yeah. Thanks for the help, again,” I said.

“Of course,” he said. He shifted slightly. The small - from his perspective - movement was significant enough to block the sun where we were standing, offering some much appreciated shade. He almost certainly hadn't done that on purpose - I doubt he even noticed the change - but it was a welcome relief after having been standing in the sun.

“How are you guys settling in?” He asked.

“Pretty good!” Penelope said. She paused. “Not to be weird, cause we both work here, but can I take a picture with you? My mom really wants one.”

Easton laughed. “Totally. What did you have in mind?”

“Can you pick me up? And then I can take a selfie with your face in the background,” Penelope said. Easton acquiesced. As I watched her climb onto his extended hand, I wondered what it would feel like to literally be in a hand. I almost wanted to also ask for a photo, but social awkwardness won out, and I instead resigned myself to just politely watching Penelope.

“You moved out here because of Angie, right?” Easton asked. He moved incredibly carefully as he lifted Angie up to almost eye level. For him, that was nearly a hundred feet off the ground. Tall enough that Penelope’s reply was no longer audible to me.

After she'd presumably taken her photos, Easton lowered her back to the ground, just as carefully. She hopped off his hand.

“Yay! Thanks!” She said. “Well, I guess we should stop bothering you now, but we'll see you around!”

“Yeah. And thanks again for the help!” I said.

“Any time,” he said. And with that, Penelope and I headed back to our room

#g/t #giant/tiny #gt #sfw g/t #gt sfw #g/t community #gt writing #malegiant #gentlegiant

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hastalavistabyebye · 6 months ago

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Every so often I'm thinking about what Coruscant culture (and art) would look like.

Because it's one hell of a melting pot, that's for sure. But it has also been the Capital of the republic for a very long time. People have been there for generations after generations, living on top of each other's. So there would be a Coruscanti culture. But it's also very divided between the elite in the hight levels -very wealthy, very powerful- and the lower levels -very poor, very numerous and diverse. And it's a giganormous metropol which means that it's always changing, always evolving. And since it's the litteral Capital at the center of the Republic, it also most likely has access to the newest inventions and highest tech...

So what would its culture look like ? Would it be defined by contradictions too, like the rest of the planet ?

Maybe the music would be the form of art that unify it the most easily, with its easy way of propagation. Of course there would be lots and lots of different scenes (with various cultural influences, genres...) but it could have something that sounds distinctly "Coruscanti" just like it's easy to know when our music is from the US because this mainstream music sounds "American". Because of course coruscanti music would be wild spread through the republic too.

Fashion and clothes would have the same tendencies too. Very different clothes depending on how hight you are of course. And Coruscant wouldn't be as famous for its fashion trends as Naboo, obviously. But it could still have quite the influence (especially if we think some people copied the Jedi clothes to be trendy or what not, who says it would be the only style copied like that ?)

But what about the other art forms ? There would be an Elite art and a lower levels art ?

The elite art would be like every elite art around the world, very luxurious, good and bad tastes alike (just like I've already thought about with space Palissy and Cellini). I tend to think from what we saw in canon (especially with Thrawn's art collection in Rebels and Luthen's gallery in Andor) that the elite favor sculptures and other tridimensional arts more than pictural art. The only time where we saw pictural art having a major cultural importance was for the Mandalorians and their armor paint really, anyway.

And the Lower levels are completely submerged in urban life. I don't think sculptures would be the favorite medium here, especially with the restrictive spaces they live in, all piled up like that. So maybe graffiti and murals would be commonplace. It would definitely be a more "people art" if I can say it like that, something with a soul and value for the people making it, but without the intellectual, artistical research and such of the elite. Something not simpler necessarily but more organic, living with the people. Made of everything at hand, knick-knacks and such. Maybe holographic? But I don't know how that could be done. Yeah, graffiti for sure (there would be so much surfaces for that too). But I'm sure there would be other mediums too.

Coruscant really is something complex and a bit monstrous. And it's so so hard to gauge its depth, including when thinking about how it even works. So here's some of my thoughts on its culture and art. Do tell me what you think.

#sw #coruscant culture #coruscant art #coruscant #sw art and culture #hi tumblr void #hasta rambles #about fictional art history. again #this planet fascinated me and terrifies me in equal proportions

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viscerawrites · 10 months ago

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viscerawrites ; writeblr intro

FOLLOW ME BETWEEN THE JAWS OF FATE. [vore - sleep token]

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Hey yall!! My name is Cassian (he/him) and I'm 20 years old. I was on here as @mybodyisaflowerbed but tumblr nuked my main blog on that account so I'm over here now!

I write.., a lot of different things haha, usually along the lines of fantasy and/or contemporary! I also write a lot of fanfiction, but I probably won't talk about those projects here unless I'm explicitly asked.

I am a fiend for music; metal is my favorite overarching genre (I'm terrible with subgenres tho lol) and I love to use my favorite songs and bands as inspiration for my writing.

That's about all I have to say for myself right now. My current original projects are listed below! (PS; my main blog is @dream-i-die and that's where all likes/follows will come from!)

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The list further down on this post desperately needs to be updated, but my main wip im brainstorming right now is surviving sun :] also peep my world; erapiae

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[needs updated] main wips

the sins that make our sons •/ sci-fi. (tag: sins / sons) | wip directory here

Full description tbd.

fearing what the light finds •/ contemporary, eventual portal fantasy. (tag: fearing the light) | wip intro here | series installment for mixtape.

Follows the story of a woman who murders her kidnapper after 9 years of captivity - and finds herself thrown into another world.

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other wip list

mouth of the wolf, eyes of the lamb •/ fantasy/romance. (tag: wolf mouth lamb eyes) | intro here

A man sacrificed to a werewolf in the woods is saved by the very being he's meant to be eaten by. They fall in love.

darcy goes to hell •/ dark fantasy. (tag: darcy) | intro here

Darcy Brisben is fifteen years old when she goes to Hell.

the hollows in our minds •/ fantasy w/ horror elements. (tag: thiom) | intro here

A woman who collects other people's memories is intrigued by the case of nine friends who have mysteriously disappeared. She launches her own investigation, only to uncover a dark, forgotten history.

operation get it right •/ fantasy/supernatural. (tag: get it right) | intro here

A small group of amateur ghost hunters and magic tamers are forced to face their own pasts as their supernatural pursuits lead to more and more devastating revelations.

i dream i die •/ contemporary. (tag: dream i die) | intro tbd

Centers around the story of a woman whose only escape from an abusive relationship is what she believes to be vivid daydreams (but is, in actuality, alternate timelines of her life).

the spiritspeakers •/ contemporary/supernatural. (tag: spiritspeak) | intro tbd

Three grown siblings who have each had unique experiences with the supernatural are pushed back together when they realize that their baby sister is a natural born psychic medium.

our souls on fire •/ urban fantasy/romance. (tag: our souls on fire) | intro tbd

A series centering around soulmate relationships in an urban fantasy world.

#writeblr #new writeblr #writeblr intro #my wip #wolf mouth lamb eyes #thiom #get it right #dream i die #spiritspeak #our souls on fire #my writing #darcy #sins / sons #fearing the light #pinned post

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copperbadge · 11 months ago

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[ID: A photograph of a building in Chicago through my window; in one corner my spider plant is photobombing the image. Through the window, snow can be seen falling against the urban backdrop.]

It's snowing in Chicago for New Year's! Everyone who bought a cute cocktail dress to wear out to the parties tonight, I'm so sorry. Maybe invest in some kind of dramatic greatcoat that will keep your butts warm.

Me, I've put the stracotto di manzo on to slow cook (fourth dish I'm cooking, third course in the Festa Alla Cinque Cibi) and I'm about to sit on the sofa and not do much for a bit.

The stracotto di manzo recipe, like the burik recipe, comes from Portico, a Jewish-Italian cookbook (there's an online version here) and I did make a few alterations; I hope people know that whenever I talk about changing a recipe it's because I'm changing it to suit my tastes or laziness, and that's not a critique of the recipe. In this case, I halved the recipe since I'm only one man and four pounds of pot roast is too much. I also replaced the sauteed onions-celery-garlic mixture with my Special Sauce, but mainly because I had the Special Sauce handy and it's the same flavor profile more or less. No celery note, but I'm indifferent to celery.

[ID: three images; left, a photo into the instant pot, showing a golden-brown mess on the bottom; center, a bottle of Bay Bridge Vineyards Cabernet Sauvignon; right, the "special sauce" after the wine has been added, which is now a surprisingly appetizing-looking green liquid flecked with gold.]

The "special sauce" is a mixture of caramelized onions, roasted garlic, and my homemade pesto (roasted cashews, fresh basil, salt, roasted garlic, olive oil). I browned the beef chunks in olive oil and removed them, added the special sauce just long enough to get it good and hot, then added the wine and deglazed the pan. They say you should only ever cook with wine you'd drink, but I don't like wine at all, so like a good San Francisco boy I bought some California Cab in the $5-$10 range and hoped for the best. When it arrived it turned out it had been on markdown, so that is right there some of your finest $2.50 wine. I'll use the rest in a ragu sauce or to thin paint or something. How long does jet fuel keep in the fridge?

[ID: A shot into the instant-pot of large chunks of beef bubbling away in a red sauce, bits of gold "special sauce" still visible here and there. None of you can smell the garlic and basil I'm smelling right now but I wish you could.]

Anyway I didn't get a photo of the beef browning, but once the special sauce and red wine were on the boil, I added a massive can of tomato puree and the browned beef, brought it up to bubbling, then switched over to slow-cook. I've got it on the lowest possible setting but that might be slightly too low, so I'll check the temp in two hours and re-evaluate. It's just feeding me and I have no set time to eat, so if it takes all day it takes all day.

All that's left now is the second fry on the Carciofi Alla Giudia, which will be the last thing I do because you serve that warm and there's no real way to re-heat it after the second fry.

Breakfast was a slice of homemade pizza and like four amaretti cookies, because I am only ever classy by appointment.

#food #sam cooks #festa alla cinque cibi #I keep wanting to type cinque chibi #yes the feast of the five adorable manga characters #I think they call that Ouran High School Host Club

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docholligay · 3 months ago

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A relevant question was asked by @tallangrycockatiel about my love of Interview With the Vampire: "Um, why are you into something that is all about dudes, all the time? Is this us not being a bitch's bitch?" Only, she is English so she said it in a more polite, suggested sort of way.

A very fair question! It is extremely true that, by and large, a thing with men only is less interesting to me by far and it takes a lot more for me to get into it. But she was not put off by this, for she had developed a theory:

My two initial theories are that either it hit you early enough that that hadn't become such a strong preference, or that it has something to do with the fact that despite being 95% men the entire cast seems to be having what I can only describe as dyke drama the entire time.

She both knows me and is smart, so there we are. The answer is basically: YES.

I started reading the Vampire Chronicles when I was something around 13, and so I didn't really have an idea that it was kind of fucked up that men we treated as the only default interesting people on earth. I pretty much took it as an implicit truth, where I never would have SAID that, but, I was very much in what can only be described as a 'masculinity k-hole' where of course I wanted to be a 'tomboy' and the only way for a girl to be tough and cool was if she was 'just like a boy' and this whole idea that men and masculinity were superior vomit vomit vomit whatever I am perfectly capable of beating someone's ass in red lipstick but that line of thinking did not occur to me at the time.

So I had NO sensitivity to the idea that stories whose ENTIRE UNIVERSES centered around men might be even, annoying. Anne Rice straight up does not care about or like women, and it is absolutely reflected in the way she writes her female characters. I cannot IMAGINE someone reading these as a fully grown adult who thinks women are neat, actually, and not coming away going, "My god, what is happening in these books?" But when you grow up with something, it changes with you, and the ways you think of it aren't COMING from adult you, they are, at least in part, coming from YOUNG you. And, in much the same way A Song of Ice and Fire, which I read at a similar time, gave me what I wanted from fantasy and wasn't getting, this did as well. I did not know that it would have been what is now called urban fantasy, and I didn't know that was a thing I liked (I very much know that now) all I knew was, I liked it. It was batshit and felt dangerous and it was unhinged and very gothic, though, again, not a way I could have expressed it.

So I'm carrying all that --I'll say baggage even though that has a negative connotation--when I come to the work. I already pre-like it.

This can of course backfire, but it didn't, so, I'm not gonna get into that.

NUMBER TWO: The 'all dudes' thing is not insurmountable. It's a quality issue. I love Dan Simmons' work and his women are basically nonexistent. There are plenty of things I like that don't center women. But, the bar to entry is MUCH higher. I would never in my life willingly watch something like "sailor moon but boys though."

What Interview has, that I love, is a very rare thing: Well written, EXPLICITLY gay, and everyone is fucking terrible. It is an adult show for grown-ass adults where people fuck and murder and abuse each other. Armand is the physical manifestation of gaslight gatekeep girlboss. Louis rewrites an entire personal history to make himself look better and emotionally manipulates everyone he comes into contact with. Lestat is a hot tempered, vain dilettante who does shit without thinking and then has the audacity to go, "Oh no, the quencies!" Everyone sucks, everyone is abusive in one way or another, all the fucking exes overlap, and I LOVE IT. Anyone looking for a hero or victim is watching the wrong fucking show and I am SO HAPPY ABOUT IT.

I'll close with my response when we were talking about how fucking great Sarah Waters is, in relation to the above:

it took me forever to realize that I didn't actually want recommendations for lesbian fic, what I was actually asking is: So who is doing it like Sarah Waters? Which unfortunately is no one. The woman is my own personal oasis in the desert.

And God, it has taken me YEARS to convince people that I care so much less about whether or not something is gay than if it is GOOD. Does it say something TRUE, you know? Is it messy? Is it sometimes uncomfortable? I would fucking LOVE if it could be gay on top of these things, but I'll real here:

l'll read a good straight thing versus a bad and especially a fluffy gay thing

I LOVE that shit like REd, White and Royal Blue or coffee shop Aus or whatever exist for people who want them, but I am out for blood ahaha

I have a happy, boring, domestic gay life, i do not need to imagine what a life where your biggest argument is about the quantity and variety of fucking breakfast cereal (We have EIGHT. BOXES.)

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unknownpisces002 · 11 months ago

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GREEN MILE.

“ Losing my mind, think I look good when I’m really just high. Scared of my life, can a bitch get by? Sick of listening to everyone else. Sick of my pride, sick of just saying shit, just to be nice. Sick of this world, how do I get by? Miles running wild in my head.”

Giovanna Ramos X Black Fem.

Summary

“Clarity is a state of mind. And freedom ain’t real either, so who’s sold you that lie?” A love story told in a therapy session, about two young girls that were once mad for one another. By a recovering drug addict, who’s life revolves entirely around the green mile of North Carolina.

That she so desperately wants to escape.

Word count: 2,259

Themes: friends to lovers, LGBT, derealization, coming out of the closet, growth, homophobia, substance abuse, summer, violence, mental health, religion, family problems and secrets, young adults, mature, self discovery, eventual fluff, eventual smut, therapy, North Carolina, countryside, poverty, trauma, urban romance, urban fiction, ghetto.

Divider by: @firefly-graphics

Author’s Note

hi everyone! this is a story that i decided to transfer over from my wattpad account. that i recently just started at the end of december. because i felt the need to share it here, over on this platform as well.

so that all of you guys would also be able to read/ give me feedback on how it is, and what you’d like to see occur? as the story progresses on. so i hope that you all like it, and also feel free to follow me on wattpad as well! my username is supersensitivepisces on there 🧚🏽

also, inspiration to create this story? came from my love for Giovanna. ( she’s so aesthetically pleasing flf me.) as well as a movie that i had been watching, the day that i decided to publish this onto my account back in december.

PROLOGUE.

" I'll never meet a girl like you again. Out of everything I lost, I lost a friend. Tryna get over you, tryna convince myself every night. It's just another night, even though deep down I'm traumatized."

HASSAN

4 hassan

U r the omega of my heart. The foundation 4 my concept of love, when I think of what a black woman should be. It's you that I first think of.

_____________________________________________

U will never fully understand how deeply my heart feels for you. I worry that we'll grow apart, and I'll end up losing you.

____________________________________________

U bring me to a climax without sex, and u do it all with regal grace. U r my heart in human form, a friend I could never replace.

____________________________________________

– from gio.

___________

11/7/18

Oak City Therapy

Lillington, NC

" When I was younger, around like five or six years old? I used to bug my mom and tell her about how I wanted to be a firefighter. So I could save lies and put out fires? Like the people who I'd watch on tv would do."

Tapping the tips of her fingertips onto the dark oak wood coffee table, that was located in the center of the dim lit office room. Giovanna kept her head facing downwards.

Finding that, refusing to make direct eye contact with her therapist of 3 years, who was named Marsha? Was far more comfortable and peaceful for her nerves, as well as her emotional state.

That had so desperately wanted to crumble and falter, into tiny small pieces of despair. But you see, that was the one thing on this fucked up planet, we call earth? That Giovanna was against.

Showing emotions and allowing herself to be vulnerable? Were just two things she'd rather die over, before she'd allow them to be seen by the entire world.

Or in this specific case? Her friends, along with her father. Who had played a humongous part, in why she chose to be nonchalant while acting unfazed? About majority of the things that would occur inside of her life.

".. I too? Used to dream of being a firefighter myself. When I was around that exact age, but I'm assuming that specific dream of yours must've gotten lost. Somewhere down the line as you aged up? If you aren't uncomfortable telling me about why or how? That occurred.."

Marsha eased her way into questioning the young woman who sat before her, slowly and hesitantly. Making sure that each of the words she'd spoken? Came out soft, in a calm and delicate manner.

As she leaned her backside up against her office chair, with eyes full of hope and wonder. That held a bit of gloominess inside them as well too. Once she noticed the way that Giovanna's breathing had begun to pick up a bit.

Just as her short, but not too short fingernails, that were painted a matte black color? Had begun to dig into the surface of the desk she sat at. Almost as if she were trying to dig a deep hole into the center of it, that would allow her to shield and hide herself away?

From having to answer the difficult question? That had been asked of her.

" ..I wouldn't say that my passion to accomplish that specific dream? Got lost. Because even after my mom had passed away, from having cancer? Apart of me still wanted to pursue that goal. But at the same time? Another part of me, like the part that held high hopes and expectations for things? Had diminished inside of me completely, after I lost my mom.."

" ..And I'm not really sure that if me being an only child, plays a part in that? Because don't get me wrong, I was loved wholeheartedly? By both of my parents equally when I was younger. But I don't know...sometimes now? Like when I'm alone or high from being off pills or something? I start to realize that really? It was only my mom that had loved me wholeheartedly back then.."

" Instead of it being my dad."

" And why is it, that you feel as if your father doesn't love you Giovanna?" Marsha continued to ask all the questions, that were written down onto her clipboard hesitantly.

Feeling an unsettling sensation begin to wash over her slowly. When Giovanna had taken it upon herself to shift around inside her seat. Which allowed the left sleeve of her oversized sweatshirt to rise. And give Marsha the opportunity, to catch a glimpse of all the fresh and faded scar markings that were present there.

From Giovanna, inflicting a significant amount of self harm unto herself.

" I know that he doesn't love me? Because he's voiced that statement every single day. Over the last twelve years? Repeatedly." Giovanna chuckled bitterly, all while gnawing on the inside of her jaw using her teeth.

" Me being a lesbian? Probably is another one of the reasons why he hates me too. But all in all? He just doesn't love or care for me period? In the way that a normal father would love their child."

And that fact alone? Was sadly true.

" Him not loving me or treating me properly? Doesn't bother me at all though. Because I'm used to it now, and I know that me saying that? Probably sounds stupid right? And it might also make you assume that I may or may not have Stockholm syndrome? Being that I'm okay with the fact that my father's been treating me like shit, while sometimes abusing me and more? For over twelve years."

" Yes, the way that you are going on about how his lack of love and affection, doesn't bother you? Does raise a few red flags for me. As far as you possibly being a victim of having Stockholm syndrome? But it also makes me worry more about your emotional and mental state? Even more. Being that when you really sit and sum up the timeframe, of you losing your mother? Down to your father's continuous abuse?"

" It seems that through all of that? You haven't been able to feel any of the proper care, love or attention? That a person who's endured losing a parent at a young age? Should get to feel. And that may also be another reason, as to why you feel the need to be so distant. While hiding away your true feelings, because honestly Giovanna? I'm gonna tell you something from my own personal experiences with life."

"..That have helped me find closure and peace? Within myself. After being a victim of my own? To some of the same exact problems that you've been having."

Sitting her clipboard aside, after grabbing a few tissues out of the box that was towards her right. Marsha had begun opening up about her past life, to Giovanna. As a way to encourage the younger woman and try to get through to her in a way, that talking and asking simple therapy questions? Couldn't do.

But of course? As always, Giovanna didn't care to hear any of it. Which allowed every word that left from out of Marsha's mouth, to enter inside of one ear, and come floating directly through the other.

Just as she found herself beginning to grow a bit offended, once Marsha had begun to talk about love and relationships. And how someone in Giovanna's state, didn't really need to engage in any form of romantic or sexual interactions? With another person.

Due to the lack of her father not showing her enough love or care properly? When she was a young age.

" I've been in love before." Were the first few words that left from out of Giovanna's mouth. As she cut into the middle of Marsha's speech, not really caring or giving a fuck if she had come off rude or not? After doing so.

" I'm actually in love right now? If you want me to be honest. I'm just not on speaking terms with the person? Who owns the other half of my heart right now."

" Really?" Marsha questioned slowly, sounding a bit shocked and caught off guard by Giovanna's statement.

" Mm-hm." Giovanna nodded her head slowly, feeling a small smile begin to form at the corners of her lips. Once the thought of her distant and angelic lover? Had begun to enter inside of her mind slowly.

" And why aren't the two of you on speaking terms? If you don't mind me asking."

" Because I'm..." Trailing off at the end of her sentence, Giovanna had begun to still her breathing. Just as her dark brown eyes started to glisten, and blur her vision up with tears.

" Because you're what, Giovanna?" Marsha pressed her for an answer, knowing almost immediately? What the younger girls response would've been like, once she re-opened up her mouth to speak.

" ..I'm damaged goods, Miss Marsha.."

" Like I have a heart, of course? And I know how to love and treat someone properly, even though I myself? Never got to receive that same exact treatment, from the people I deserved it from. I still know how to love and treat someone good? Despite that. But I just..."

" You're just a product of your environment. And even though treating someone kindly and loving them correctly? Doesn't come difficult. Sometimes accepting back that same love and energy? Can be a bit difficult. When all you've ever known was toxicity and dysfunction."

" But see, the thing about me accepting it back? Wasn't the problem Miss Marsha. The problem was my self esteem and my communication. Because there were times when I said things out of anger or out of being afraid? That had drove Hassan away from me too."

" Hassan?" Marsha repeated the name of Giovanna's lover slowly. " Hassan is such a pretty name, and I'm sure that she must be a pretty girl too? With how emotional and vulnerable you're getting while talking about her."

And that? She was indeed.

But of course, pretty? Wouldn't even be a suitable word to describe her at all. Because you see, Hassan? Was angelic. Just like everything else about her personality and character? Was too.

" Experiencing her love and even the attention she gave to me, before we ever became a thing? Was a privilege I wish that I never took for granted." Giovanna answered quietly, picking with the bracelet on her arm, that was giving to her by Hassan herself.

" And I know before, when I had first gotten here? I told you about how growing up as a child, with both of my parents while my mom was still alive? Was the time period where my want to do lots of things? Had been very strong."

" But even when she died and my dad became more hostile towards me? I still craved to be something or let alone somebody? Who'd be great. I just didn't know how or where to start first? For me to be able to accomplish any of those things period? Until I met Hassan.."

"..And she came into my world, allowing everything that once looked black and white? Turn colorful and vibrant. So that I could be guided out of my selfish, stuck up ways, and be the person who she swore up above to God and the heavens? That I was created to be."

" And what kind of person was that?" Marsha found herself growing a bit emotional as time passed, as she sat with her arms folded tightly. Trying not to make a fool out of herself, for crying and weeping over her client's newfound vulnerability and bravery.

That she had gained out of the blue, due to talking about her past. Or in this case? Still present lover. Who she wholeheartedly still loved very deeply, to this day.

" The kind of person who always showed patience and kindness, despite being robbed of all their goodness and purity? Far too early than I should've been. That's the kind of person? She saw me as. Even through the good, the bad and the ugly? She always looked at me, with eyes that held so much love and adoration. That at often times? I'd get scared."

" While wondering how a person like me? Could win over the heart of someone like her, you know? But even then after everything that's happened and changed over the years? I'd never stop loving her ever."

" And why is that Giovanna?"

" Because finding someone who'd love you through any and everything, despite the fact that you might not even deserve it at all? Is very fucking rare these days."

" And I have Hassan's heart? In the same exact way she has mine. So why would I ever let go or move onto someone else? When I know for certain that we'll find our way back to one another. Just like we always have? During the past."

" And you're willing to wait however long it may take, until that day ends up coming?"

" Oh? Absolutely." Giovanna's head nodded up and down quickly. " If I had to wait another year or even ten more? I'd do it without question."

" Because Hassan is worth the wait. And if I ended up having to grow old and wrinkly, just for that day to come back to me? I wouldn't have a problem with it at all."

" ..I'd just accept her back into my life fully, with open arms. Because that's all I've been wanting again and looking forward to? For the last two years."

if you’d like to be tagged in the next part? just comment below. & also feel free to leave thoughts down there as well too!

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theboarsbride · 2 years ago

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Faerie Book Recommendations🧚✨📚

So reading Sarah J Maas and her very, very shitty interpretation and (under)utilization of fae lore is inspiring me to create a personal list of books I've read that I feel like have like... ACTUAL faeries and folklore in them (not the normal-looking-hot-folks-with-pointy-ears-and-MAYBE-wings brand of faerie SJM popularized), and are actually worth your time

And if you've any books, stories, comics, etc. that you'd want to add to this list, feel free to add them in the comments, reblogs, tags, or my DMs!!

House of Hollow by Krystal Sutherland

Very eerie fairytale vibes that center on the aftermath of the disappearance, and even more mysterious return, of three sisters when one of them goes missing again almost 10 years later. And also the writing is legit just B E A U T I F U L!!!

Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett

This is chock-full of classical faeries and folklore, and almost reads like a textbook about them since this is about a woman, the titular Emily Wilde, traveling to a Scandinavian country to complete her own encyclopedia about the fair-folk. It also features some lowkey cottagecore vibes and an academic rivals-to-lovers romance!

Gilded (Gilded #1) by Marissa Meyer

A retelling of Rumpelstiltskin that reads like its own dark Grimm's fairytale, and it's as eerie and grim as a YA fantasy novel can get. It also centers on themes of telling stories and folktales since the main character, Serilda, is infamous for spinning wild tales - which is what leads to her encounter with the famed, and feared, Earlking (who, as a villain, is so sinister and creepy - and utterly FAE!). Personally, this book wasn't really my cup of tea and I'm unsure if I'll read the sequel, Cursed, however it still has some classic fae vibes that SJM's work lacks, so it deserves a place on this list!

The Changeling by Victor LaValle

I'm using the term 'faerie' very loosely here, as the idea of changelings (and trolls), for me, is more of a narrative device to help us look into grief in fatherhood. But there is still a very strange, vaguely Pans Labyrinth-esque urban fantasy vibe playing in the background throughout!

Slewfoot: A Tale of Bewitchery by Brom

Not necessarily FAERIES but more of mischievous and distrustful woodland folk - and also forest gods. Very heavily steeped in early colonial America era folk horror vibes... if you love media like Robert Eggers' The VVitch then you will ADORE this book! Also Brom's accompanying artwork is so, so beautiful! This is honestly such a perfect fall-time read once Halloween season rolls around.

Legendborn Cycle series by Tracy Deonn

Ok no faeries but... mixes classic Arthurian legends with southern Black beliefs while also telling an epic urban fantasy story centering on themes of grief, trauma, and prejudice. So no fae, but LOTS of great urban fantasy vibes (which I mean... if you're looking for more series to put on your shelf instead of Harry Potter......) Just... Please... just... this series... it's so GOOD!! IDK what else to add that hasn't been said about this series!

Direwood by Catherine Yu

Once again, not necessarily faeries in this book but instead vampires that have a very fae-like quality about them! (as well as blood-hungry butterflies and caterpillars hee-hee) The story as a whole feels like a whimsical fever dream that is STEEPED in tasty Gothic vibes! It sort of has the feeling of being in a late '90s/early '00s Goth music video.

Like Falling Stars by Avalon Roselin (@roselin-books-official)

A story about a girl who's forgotten her past and comes to develop a sweet friendship with a brooding ice faerie prince, and is brimming with so many cozy fantasy vibes!! Also all the fae characters in this novel are so colorful and lively, and they're all very heavily tied to elements and the seasons. Also ALSO!! The main relationship focuses primarily on platonic love as opposed to romantic, and is just as endearing! A perfect cozy winter/fall-time read.

Netvor: A Retelling of Beauty and the Beast by @rosesnwater

Both a completed novel and an in-progress webcomic available to read on Tapas and Webtoons. Again, another story where major themes center on storytelling and fairytales, but also recovering from trauma and grief! There are so, so many classic faerie vibes, and even featuring pinnacle figures from classic fae lore like the Goblin Market, and it manages to feel equal parts nostalgic and unique in its use of faerie lore!

Dandies in Danger podcast by @dandiesindanger

A table-top RPG podcast instead of a novel! It features four queer men that are dragged into a world of fae and horror, all while set against the backdrop of Regency era London. It starts as a VERY eerie fae mystery (featuring figures like Titania and Oberon), but it slowly becomes a dark, horror historical-fantasy, and it's great! Also art by the podcast's creators is so good!

So these are the recs I have to offer for now!! As always, feel free to add more recommendations!!!💛

#jojo reads #book recs #book recommendations #readers of tumblr #anti sjm #anti sarah j maas

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