#me when I get asks reminding me of posts I queued ages ago

[fullscoreshenanigans]

Shoutout to @1000sunnygo for this incredibly soft, healing piece between the two characters missing memories being able to make new ones together as a family. <3

Must have been weird for Chris to wake up. Like "We are in the human world, mama died protecting us against a demon, Emma vanished" Too much things.

No, seriously, this must have fucked up the little guy so much. Last thing he remembers is probably being on the run again and seeing two of his new friends getting shot in the head, and when he wakes up, he's not only in a strange new world, but also can't move properly, can't speak, eat on his own or at least open his eyes. And even after he recovered, Emma never shows up, same with Yuugo and Lucas, and soon enough he will learn about his Mama's demise... yeah a lot to unpack for a little boy like him 😥

[solavelyan]

intro.

It's a Dragon Age sideblog! My main blog is @bogunicorn, and I go by Bog (or any type of nickname you can wring out of "bog unicorn"). If you're looking for more info about me as a person, that'll all be over on my main.

This blog and my main are both 18+. Please do not follow me if you're under 18. I don't keep close track of my followers, but I do check out blogs that follow me because of the spambots, and I block minors on sight.

eta oct 2023: given The Bullshit happening at bioware following their mass layoffs and their leveraging of the next game against former employees' requests for proper severance pay, please assume that none of my posts or words are an implicit or explicit endorsement of the company itself. i mean, they already weren't, i just want you to imagine that all of my reblogs have an invisible "EA/BW execs fall off a cliff challenge" tacked onto them.

what to expect here.

Gifsets, fanart, jokey jokes, and sometimes (reblogged) meta posts.

My own Dragon Age thoughts, feelings, theories, random whatevers. My original posts of all kinds are tagged #bog post.

A general positivity toward queer shit, weird shit, horny shit, and kinky shit.

My fanfic and my OCs. I don't post fic too often, at least not in the last few months, but I have a ton of OCs (roster TBA). I write notes and profiles and little ideas for them as a hobby even when I'm not actively writing fic. Anything relating to my own writing will be tagged #bogfic, anything involving my characters tagged #my ocs and then #character name (oc).

Generally, I'm a multishipper at heart and can find something to love about any given ship, PC choice, character, or type of storyline. Chances are if I'm spending my time talking about something or speculating on it, it's because I'm having fun or enjoying myself.

Commentary on fandom trends and behaviors (and, sometimes, common sense reminders not to be a dick to each other about fake stuff).

To get blocked if you put rude or annoying shit in my mentions, including using any of my posts to character bash or otherwise go off-topic in order to air your personal grievances underneath my stuff. I don't care if you don't like Solas, or if you have strong opinions about Anders vs. Fenris, or if you think "supporting" the mages/Templars/Chantry is good/bad, or if you feel like your personal favorite character/PC option/romance isn't represented by my posts and you feel your specific criticism is the exception. Do not cite the deep magic to me, witch, I was there when it was written (like 10+ years and three US presidents ago). Mind your manners and blacklist or scroll if you need to.

what not to expect.

Untagged Veilguard spoilers. All my Veilguard posts with potential spoilers will be tagged #datv spoilers or #veilguard spoilers, since the latter seems to be what people are using across multiple sites now.

Consistent character bashing or character hate. I simply do not spend a majority of my online time thinking about stuff I hate.

Anonymous asks. Anon is always turned off, both here, on my main, and on my AO3.

Real world politics and news, or general (as in, not-DA-specific) Disk Horse. Honestly, probably not even that much Dragon Age Discourse, either.

Equating in-game choices or fandom opinions with real life politics and morality. I don't "support" any group in Thedas because Thedas is fake. My politics are for real people, not Wizard Politics or whatever.

Egg or cheese jokes.

the tag system (tm).

#timeless posts - Anything reblogged from the depths of @bogunicorn in the last 10 years. Usually queued.

#bog post - Any and all of my original posts.

#bogfic - Anything involving my writing or my OCs.

#my ocs - My OCs. Often accompanied by #[character name] (oc).

#spicy bog - Ye olde horny tag.

#bogcrit, #[character name] critical, #dragon age critical, #[game] critical, #fandom bs - These are my Complaining Tags. If you never want to see anything truly critical or negative, just blacklist #bogcrit. If you want to avoid grousing or critique of a specific character, the games in general, individual games, or the fandom itself, blacklist whatever listed tag is relevant to you.

#fic, #art - Fanfic and fanart that I didn't make.

#misc - Anything not covered by other tags.

#da au - Any kind of alternate universe post.

#ask meme - Blanket tag for any put-it-in-the-tags posts, as well as actual ask memes.

UPDATE: Characters are tagged by their *FIRST names. Origins and Inquisition PCs are tagged #the warden or #the inquisitor. Hawke is always just #hawke, Rook is always just #rook. I don't specify gender *or faction/surname in my character tags, EXCEPT for the Inquisitor because it's too much of a habit not to. This system is already complicated enough and I have like... 12 followers anyway.

Ships are tagged #[character] x [character] in alphabetical order, with the PCs just using their title EXCEPT for the Inquisitor. I also use the more common portmanteaus (like Solavellan, Fenhawke, Adoribull, etc) if I'm making an original post that I want to show up in the tags, but I would still slap "lavellan x solas" on a Solavellan post (for example) just for consistency. If you really really don't want to see a specific ship on this blog, block the alphabetized "character x character" tag. I know that's inconvenient if you hate Solavellan or something but like... I guess also what are you doing on this specific blog if you don't like that ship anyway.

contact.

complain to my manager

send me an ask

read my fic

[aximili]

drafted this from @dominocity ages ago and forgot abt it until i was procrastinating just now :0

check in tag game ✅

1. why did you choose your url?

went by axx for a very long time (incredibly this actually had nothing to do with aximili-esgarrouth-isthill even tho i did grow up loving animorphs. i had an OC who used the online handle axolotl.... something... i cant remember.... and i thought it sounded cool so i started using it. wow i had actually forgotten this info until just now! lore!) anyway someone on tumlr reminded me how much i loved animorphs and i wanted a new url at the time. someone just had it saved and wasnt using it so i was like fuck it, why not ask. politely messaged the blog and they were like oh ya i forgot abt this and freed it up

2. any side blogs? if you have them name and them and why you have them.

i have like 6 but i no longer use any of them & havent for years lmaoooo

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

i think its a decade this year. and ive never changed blogs once. im like a fungal infection here they cant get rid of me

4. do you have a queue tag?

i have never queued and i never will. you get my posts when you get em.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

a lot of my friends on deviantart (yes dear god) were becoming more active here and i started checking some humour blogs daily until i was eventually like why not just make an account

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Him. (from the cover of #8 the alien, the first ax pov book, which i found in a 2nd hand bookshop as a kid and was soooo excited bc i could normally only read animorphs at the library, they were never in shops. still a treasured possession.)

7. why did you choose your header?

it just really describes my emotional state at any given time

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

unfortunately i believe it's this, which is not even my original content nor even the OP's original content, as it turned out. but "online job application form" dnd joke is probably second

9. how many mutuals do you have?

who the got damn hell is keeping track of this?

10. how many followers do you have?

1439. its been around this number for like 2 years i really just stagnated at a certain point but idm

11. how many people do you follow?

968. to paraphrase lydia, i suppose i should follow 1 more. (im sure that at least half of those are inactive. i have been here for a decade.)

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

by no means. none of my posts are shit

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

uhhhhhhhh i probably open it and glance at activity/briefly glance at my dash llike 5 times a day? a lot less now that i use locked twitter for socialisation

14. did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?

god no i am incredibly nonconfrontational. a couple times in my younger and more vulnerable years id post some stupid uninformed take and someone would rightfully disagree, and occasionally vice versa, but i honestly can't recall a "fight"

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

it's good to only follow adults the dashboard becomes a peaceful place

16. do you like tag games?

yes i like talking about myself 😊 but i never tag anyone bc im lazy oops.

17. do you like ask games?

i rarely do them bc i would usually not get any lmao, but they can be fun

18. which of your tumblr mutuals do you think is famous?

alma my friend alma seems to get a lot of nonsense in their inbox even tho they only post abt yugioh. eliza was definitely my most famous mutual but she freed herself from this place to become a real author, godspeed. and logan really blew up with "your dad looks gnc af" most recently

i think i have some more well known mutuals (again. been here 10 years.) but i cant think of them rn lmao sorry if ur a famo and i excluded u.

generally people think i have a lot more followers than i actually have? it's hard to gauge whether that's a compliment or not, but i take it as one.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

i have crushes on like everyone i meet it's called being bisexual </3

20. tags?

i tag...... YOU yes you. if u want!

[brookylnboy]

Help - Steve Rogers x Reader

A/N: Sorry that I haven’t been writing everyone! It’s been a hard time adjusting to being home and everything that’s changed and having too many social plans on top of everything. I’m going to try and write a few pieces and have them queued for when I’m on vacation this month so I’ll try to post at least once a week. 

I hope everyone enjoys this (and it’s not as shitty as I think it is!) 

“I’m going to bed,” you told your brother finally getting the energy to get off the way too comfortable couch.

“Don’t forget we have to meet with Ross tomorrow at 7,” Tony said.

You lazily throw your arm out, “I know. I’ll be up and if I’m not than we both know that Friday will make sure I am.” 

You were staying with your brother, something that was always much easier, especially when you have to be up early for a meeting. A meeting that you still aren’t sure why you have to go, but they insisted. By they, you mean Ross. “Good night Tonz.”

“Good night Y/N/N.” You rolled my eyes at the nickname. You hated that nickname and even though you were a full grown adult, he still refuses to stop using it no matter how much you asked him to stop.

You make your way down the hall towards one of the guest rooms. Really, it’s you room as no one else has ever slept in it and you might have left an outfit or two behind. 

“Hey Friday, can you wake me up at 6:30 tomorrow?”

“Yes, Miss Stark. Would you like to wake up to Back in Black or Highway to Hell?”

“Surprise me,” you said before swinging the door open. 

Walking over to your bed, you pause as you notice a light breeze brushing against your face.

Turning you see the window cracked open and jump reaching for the weapon that you left hidden behind the dresser. Squinting, you look closely at the figure looming against the bricks outside. 

It’s Steve. Steve “Fugitive” Rogers leaning heavily against the window of a building that Tony “Steve Sucks Club Chairman” Stark owns. But it’s Steve “Might Technically Still Be Your Boyfriend” Rogers. 

You hesitate as you walked towards the window. “Hey Friday, Camping Protocol until my alarm.”

“Yes, Miss Stark. Goodnight.”

You watch as Steve opens the window and slides through. “I was worried Tony would find out.”

“You came to his home Steve what the fuck do you think would happen?”

“I needed you.”

You look him over having not seen him for one year. One long year. His hair is longer and he has a beard now. It looked good on him. 

But he’s banged up. Really banged up. He starts to falter in his stance and you quickly wrap an arm around him. “Let’s get you to the bathroom.”

You help him to the bathroom trying not to notice how much he is using you as support and get him to the tub before slipping out of his grasp and running back for your medical supplies you have tucked away in the closet. Having been around the team since the beginning, you were always treating them after missions. They hated going to the hospital. Never went to one. And you were better than nothing. 

“Thank you,” Steve said as you sat on the toilet seat your supplies scattered all around. You looked up to see him looking softly at you.

You missed him. A lot. But it wasn’t the time for that now. You needed to help him.

“I told you to not get hurt,” you reminded him not knowing what else to say. I mean yes, you told him that ages ago, but it still counts. It has to still count. 

“I know doll. But I can’t just sit back and let things happen.” You took some alcohol and started cleaning his face up. He had some nasty cuts all over his face and in all honesty, you were afraid to find out how much he really was hurt. So you started there getting the heaviest bleeding cut first. 

“I know. That’s what got you into this mess.” You tried offering him a teasing smile but you didn’t have it in you. It wasn’t the same. Everything was too serious. Has been for far too long. Ever since Bruce disappeared, the fight, Ross, the Accords, everything has been serious. 

“I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t change anything,” you told him. You didn’t think there was any point in being sorry. It wouldn’t do anything.

“I wish I could.”

“Wish you could what Steve? No longer be a fugitive. Be friends with Tony again. Bring back the Avengers. Not drag down how many people with you to save Bucky instead of trying and trusting your team. Take back the last year.”

Steve was scared by how steady you were. Even when you were angry, you kept your cool, which was more frightening than anything. He could stand the yelling and never flinch. But this, this made him scared.

“I wish I didn’t leave you.” He grabbed your hand stopping you from cleaning up his blood anymore. You looked him in the eyes seeing him staring back at you softly. “I didn’t want to leave you but I didn’t have a choice.”

“You had choices Steve.” He sighed and moved closer to you as you dropped your head. You were mad, but weren’t willing to let it get the better of you. You needed to help him and make sure he wasn’t going to die tonight and then let him live. He needed to be out there fighting crime. You hated it but that’s what needs to happen. He didn’t choose you, he never would. But you would have hated if he did.

“If I knew what would happen, I would have chosen you.” You weren’t looking at him and it frustrated Steve. He risked coming here. He was injured and needed help asap. He could have let Natasha patch him up but he needed you. He moved closer and swept back a piece of hair that wasn’t technically out of place but enough to bring your attention back to him.

“I wouldn’t want you to.” He felt crushed but had to take his opportunity. He needed to know if he messed up beyond all repair because he needed you in his life. 

He leaned in and paused just inches away letting you have a choice to move away but you didn’t. So, he kissed you and you kissed back. “The world needs you Steve.”

He frowned and you continued cleaning his face before having him take the top of his suit off. You knew that was going to be where the most damage was and wasn’t surprised to see his white tank covered in blood.

“Oh Steve.”

“It looks worse than it feels.”

It didn’t take you overly long to clean and assess. He wasn’t going to die and you were content with that. But he also shouldn’t be going anywhere else tonight. Even with all his super healing, he needed at least a day maybe more before moving. He wasn’t going to listen. You knew he was going to leave. Because he couldn’t risk Tony.

Oh God, Tony would kill you if he ever found out. First, he hated that the two of you dated. Second, he hated Steve. Third, he really hates Steve. Fourth, Steve’s a fugitive. Fifth, HE’S A FUGITIVE AND oh god, you’re seeing the person that caused him to be on the fugitive list. 

Hopefully Tony never finds out.

“You need to rest,” you tell Steve as you toss yet another blood-soaked washcloth into the hamper. He was all bandaged up and you handed him a whole roll of that stuff hoping he’d be diligent in changing the bandages. 

“I need to leave.” You grabbed his arm stopping him.

“Steve, I don’t know how you’re even getting around right now. You have two broken ribs, bruised who knows what all, most of your organs took a good beating, multiple stab wounds and I just got a bullet out of you. You need to rest.”

“Would you come with me,” Steve asked.

“What?”

“Would you run with me?”

“Steve where would we go? Where will I stay? I know that you and Natasha and Sam and Wanda have been going all over the place but I’m not a superhero. I have some mediocre skills protecting myself but not enough to survive what any of you are doing. I don’t fit in.”

“But you could.”

“I’d have to leave my brother, Pepper, everyone I know.” You reached out to Steve. You really did love him. Do love him. You always will. “If you asked me a year ago, I would have.”

You took your hand and kissed your palm. “If you ever change your mind, you have my number.” He left it on the counter. “I always thought that maybe I could settle down. We’d get a house somewhere nice and just live our lives.”

“I did too Steve, but there’s too much going on.”

“I’m afraid there will always be.”

“Maybe, but if you really want that, it’s gotta be that. No missions, no running. And I can’t ask that.”

“But you could.”

You shook your head. You’ve seen what happens when heroes try to settle. It’s too much for them to know that the world needs them. You get that. The world needed everyone that can help them right now. There’s too many threats out there. 

“Promise me you’ll be okay.”

Steve nodded. “I promise doll.”

He kisses your check before slipping out of the window. You watch as he turns around for one last look at you before disappearing.

Tagged: 

patzammit

[miximax-hell]

...This should have been published the 10th of January. I queued it ages ago (back when my last post was published), but Tumblr farted and decided not to post it. Which is just fantastic. It’s not the first time it decides to screw up the queue, but it’s the first time it happens to me on this blog. So annoying. This means it’s coming a few days late, but I hope you all still had a fantastic EnYaga Day!

As I prepared for True EnYaga Day back in October, I found again this old doodle of mine--the base for what would later become the final design of EnYaga. I thought it might be fun to share it and use it as an excuse to talk about this subject AGAIN, and... that was good enough for me, really.

You guys know me and there’s probably very little reason to do so, but I have never really talked about the reasons behind this miximax, have I? Well, if there is a day to indulge in that, it’s EnYaga Day, so let’s get to it!

As usual, more under the cut.

Despite Tumblr’s betrayal, this does have a perk: I get to revise this post before it’s published, which is great, because I’m happy to report that things are better now than when I first wrote it. In the original version, I mentioned that my life at the time was a little... paused, so there wasn’t really a lot to say. Among the only news worth sharing, I sent an oil painting to a friend a couple of months ago and it arrived very fast and completely safe, so that was great! It was a Professor Layton-themed painting, but now that I don’t have it at home anymore, I’m tempted to make another one... (If I do, chances are more FudoLay content will arrive here swiftly after lol) Other than that, I’d just started my classes again, but I was still desperately looking for a job. At least, classes made me feel like I wasn’t completely wasting every single day, so I was more cheerful than I was during summer. (Funny, because my group of friends at uni used to say that they could only smile during summer, but I was pretty miserable during those months. ww;)

Thankfully, though, I can say I now have a job! And it’s great!! ...The conditions aren’t so great, but at least I’m back to work as a game designer. I’m learning so much and I feel very motivated to work, even if it’s technically a collaboration and I will only get money once the game is published--in other words, when the game starts bringing money our way. This is far from ideal, but I honestly had no other options and I’m having a blast working on this, so I hope something cool will come out of it! For now, I would ask you to keep your eyes on Eskema Games and maybe check out the company’s latest game, Delta Squad? I had absolutely NOTHING to do with that game because it was released way before I joined, but supporting it supports the company I work for, which always comes in handy! It also underperformed, so it could use all the love you guys can give it.

Also, let me quickly point something out: about a year ago, an anon asked me if i was going to include Danganronpa characters in this project. The question is here, in case anyone needs a reminder: https://miximax-hell.tumblr.com/post/181991994534/hey-there-since-youre-doing-miximaxs-with-game Well, I FINALLY got my hands on the DR Trilogy for PS4, so I’ll be looking into that and seeing what I can find! If that anon is still around, I hope I can make them happy.

But let’s cut to the chase already!

As I always make sure to clarify, yes, I do massively ship Endou and Yagami. But there’s thankfully much more to EnYaga (the miximax--if I need to talk about the ship again, I’ll just call it Endou x Yagami) than just “yeah, I ship them.” In order to understand the reasons behind this combination, though, we must venture into two very different subjects: what reasons there are to choose Yagami to begin with, and the life story of yours truly. I swear both are important to get the full picture, but I’ll keep the latter as brief and free of unnecessary information as possible, even if it’s definitely the longest and most complex part. So, without any further ado, let’s see what makes this miximax valid within the logic of this project.

A big chunk of what makes EnYaga work was explained exactly three years ago, here: https://miximax-hell.tumblr.com/post/131215636268/when-the-king-enters-the-room-the-world-stops-and

The tl;dr would be that Endou plays as a goalkeeper, but also as a libero! Being such radically different positions, it’s to be expected that he would need two different miximaxes, because it would be rather difficult to find an aura that improves his field skills (shooting power, speed, etc.) and his goalkeeping abilities at the same time. Thankfully, Yagami gives him the exact abilities a good libero needs to be able to excel--especially when that libero has the pressure of being part of most of the strong hissatsus the team can pull off. So, for more info on EnYaga’s powers, please check the link above. (And note that, of course, this miximax only marginally improves Endou’s goalkeeping capabilities.)

I have also talked in length about the relationship between Endou and Yagami, but here’s a very brief summary. During the in-game events of IE2, Endou gave Yagami hope when all she wanted was to die to atone for her sins, thus saving her life in the process. In return, she wanted to give him the strength to fight when he needed it most as a way to repay his kindness towards her.

Yagami’s innate abilities and the bond they share are the more logical reasons behind this miximax. There is, however, one extra reason to include this miximax in the project.

There have always been three main rules here when it comes to choosing auras:

1. Only characters that come from universes predominantly inhabited by humans (or very human-like creatures, like Zelda’s Hylians).

2. Only one character from every franchise, unless they are Level-5 franchises. In that case, I may use up to two per franchise. Examples of this are Danball Senki/Little Battlers eXperience (with Toramaru and Megane) and Professor Layton (with Fudou and Shishido).

3. One aura coming from every single (and proper) Inazuma Eleven game on the market. Those being Inazuma Eleven, IE2: Fire, IE2: Blizzard, IE3: Spark, IE3: Bomber, IE3: Ogre, IEGO: Light, IEGO: Dark, IEGO Chrono Stone: Raimei, IEGO Chrono Stone: Neppu, IEGO Galaxy: Supernova, IEGo Galaxy: Big Bang, Inazuma Eleven Strikers, IE Strikers 2012 XTreme, and IEGO Strikers 2013. I’m not counting Everyday, SD nor unreleased titles. So far, I have 7 out of 15.

From the beginning, I have wanted Endou to have nothing but Inazuma Eleven-only miximaxes. I mean, he’s the main character and all!

Needless to say, Yagami is part of the Inazuma Eleven miximaxes--in fact, she takes the IE2 Blizzard spot, if anyone is curious about that very specific detail. She is obviously a very predominant character in that game, having a relevant impact during the final match against The Genesis and even (spoiler alert for a 10 years old game) by injuring Kazemaru earlier, because he didn’t just leave like he did in the anime--Yagami sent him to the hospital when he started matching The Genesis’s power. Since she’s a main character in that game, and considering that many of the other important characters introduced in it become part of the teams that make up this project (such as Hiroto, Midorikawa and maaaybe Saginuma), Yagami was the perfect candidate. She was also arguably the strongest among the remaining main characters of IE2, and the only midfielder. Not to mention the bond she shares with Endou, which only rounds it all up even more.

So, as a brief summary, Yagami is an Inazuma Eleven character (which is exactly what I wanted for Endou) and a very strong player, she provides Endou with everything he would need to be a good libero (incredible speed, great shooting strength, being a midfielder and the stamina that inherently comes with it, powerful hissatsus, and so on), she shares a canonical bond with Endou, the contrast between their personalities is super interesting to explore, and there are reasons why even she would want him to take her power. He can hardly have it better! It makes a lot of sense, and it’s all heavily based on canon, so I don’t need to explain much in that regard. That’s always convenient.

But there is another side to all of this. My side.

I first started working on miximaxes with the idea of only making 4 or 5. I simply meant to give extra love to some of my favourite characters to make myself and a few friends happy. This never became a full-fledged project until my good friend Heather, who used to be on Tumblr under the username @ishidoshuuji, said she wanted to be able to reblog the Seitei x Yuuichi miximax I had drawn for her. In other words, this: https://miximax-hell.tumblr.com/post/129863262149/well-it-was-about-time-i-started-using-this-blog

Before that, miximax-hell used to be a private blog: one of those you can only check out if you have the password. I never thought ANY stranger would be interested in it, so why expose myself like that? It would only make me feel bad. I could have never imagined over a hundred people would follow me here, and even less so considering that only about 10 of my friends follow this blog. So I have to thank Heather because, even if 100 isn’t a big number at all here on Tumblr, I still appreciate each and every person who stops by and it’s helped me meet some incredibly lovely people.

Back to the subject, though. This story is directly linked to MamoDai’s. The important part of it was that EnYaga’s design isn’t mine, and so isn’t MamoDai: the former is completely not mine (even if, as the sketch above suggests, the concept was first doodled by me), while the latter was only partially mine. The thing, though, is that the same person made EnYaga and “collaborated” on the creation of MamoDai, which meant I let them into this very personal solo project twice. If you want to check out the full story, though, you can read it here: https://miximax-hell.tumblr.com/post/142160652319/you-should-have-seen-this-one-coming-come-on

As I was saying, miximax-hell is a solo project. It’s something for me to enjoy, for me to think about, for me to develop, for me to improve at designing character, and for me to decide on. I set the rules and I come up with suitable matches--or what I think are suitable matches, that is. ww I’m definitely open to suggestions if anyone is willing to share their thoughts with me, and fanart is always, always, ALWAYS welcome, of course, but I don’t borrow other people’s ideas nor designs. Not because those designs and ideas aren’t fantastic, nor because I’m not allowed to, but because the point of this blog is to have fun and improve my skills. If I don’t do it myself, it’s kind of pointless, so I prefer a bad design made by me over a great design by someone else. Also, if people were to check all of these things out, I wanted it to be because of my work, not because someone super well-known was part of it and people were desperate to get more content from them.

When I first came up with this project, though, someone very close to me wanted to be part of it. Not because they found it interesting per se, but simply because it was mine. I had previously declined an offer to join one of their projects because I lacked the necessary skill, so they wanted to join mine instead. And don’t get me wrong--I appreciate the interest even now! But, again, it beat the point and I had to refuse. Looking back, I’m very glad I didn’t give in, but I felt awful back then and this person must have felt really bad too.

That’s why I made that exception and suggested, “Hey, why don’t we create a miximax together?” That’s how MamoDai was born. But while the interest in working on MamoDai seemed... scarce, this person came up with and gave me something out of their own accord: the EnYaga miximax design I still use to this day.

Now, here’s the thing: EnYaga was a proper gift that person made for me, and I always honour gifts. If it had been a random doodle, like I have received others in the past, it would have ended there. But when someone puts true effort and time into making something especifically FOR ME, regardless of what happens between us later, I still treasure it forever. And this gift came from a person who, apparently, really wanted to be part of this project when I first came up with it, which, honestly, put me in a tight spot. The least I could do was accept this design, which I loved almost as much as I loved them, and incorporate it to my lineup.

EnYaga was going to happen regardless, because I was working on it myself, but this person beat me to it (with such incredible quality, too, which I would never be able to hold a candle to) and, after what I made them go through with my continuous rejections, I had to honour them somehow. It was my way of saying, “I can’t let you do this for me, but I deeply appreciate the thought.”

This person is now out of my life, though. This means that, honestly, I could just get rid of the design. They would never know, and I would be happier with something of my own even if it sucked in comparison. They would never feel offended either--not like they would even if they knew, because it’s obvious they don’t care about me anymore. It would be easy and 100% painless for all parties involved.

But EnYaga is a token of the bond we once shared and I treasure that, even though I don’t want anything to do with that person anymore. It portrays the fun and happy times, not the sad and bitter ending. Happiness is always something worth remembering, isn’t it? And maybe, just maybe, thanks to the wonderful people I’m close to and my eternal love towards Endou x Yagami, I might one day be able to completely forgive the bad and focus on the good, so I can smile when I look at EnYaga and think of this person. I look forward to a day when there isn’t an ounce of bitterness left in my heart (although I am one revengeful and spiteful piece of poo, so it might never happen). And for that possibility alone, it might be worth it to keep making this one exception and let this miximax be someone else’s. Especially now that I have DoYaga to call my own.

So that’s it, folks: not only do Endou and Yagami make for a sick combination in theory, but it’s also a miximax with deep sentimental value for me in so many different ways. So even if it had been someone else’s idea and the two characters were a terrible match in all senses, chances are I would have still kept it. Thank goodness it wasn’t the case. ww

And all because I didn’t finish the design fast enough on my own. May that be the lesson to learn from this: hurry the heck up, self.

[andrea-c4c]

Week 20: Learn& Test& Build& Repeat

 Nov 4-8, 2019

Monday

The team was a bit slow to reconvene on Monday after a weekend together at CANUX. We did a NextGENTravel team-wide retrospective on last week’s Design Sprint. 

Tuesday

Tuesday officially kicked off the FWD50 conference here in Ottawa. 

According to the organizers, FWD50 is “more than an event. It’s a conversation between public and private sector about what we can be when we steer progress towards our better selves.” This three-day event featured a variety of speakers talking about digital transformation, particularly in the public sector. 

A sampling of Tuesday sessions topics included:

Governing From The Edges: Digital Change, Inclusion And Impact In British Columbia

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly Of Government Of Canada Innovation Work

Technology, Trust And Talent For The Digital Age

Exploring Next Generation Citizen Experience

But for all the innovators onstage at Aberdeen Pavilion, we were most excited about what was queued up that evening at the Orange Art Gallery. Three of the four current Code for Canada cohorts presented project updates at a loosely-affiliated offsite Open House. 

 Working on the relatively short presentation (10ish minutes) was a great exercise for the team. What did we want to leave the audience with? We reflected on some of the powerful presentations we’d seen in the past, and tried to bring the audience on a journey (and not just b/c our challenge is travel-related). Giving presentations can sometimes be daunting, but this was a great opportunity to talk about our work in a safe, supportive environment. As we talked of some of the existing challenges travellers face, there were so many nodding faces in the crowd! It was a great reminder that the work we’re doing can really impact people’s abilities to do their work. 

Also, Mike decided to step up our presentation style with coordinated t-shirts, which were a big hit! More than one person asked us where they were from, so if this whole tech thing doesn’t work out post-fellowship, we may have a new business idea to pursue 😎

Wednesday

With Tuesday night’s presentation behind us, we were able to settle in and focus a bit more on the conference itself. 

The day kicked off with CDS’ Aaron Snow talking about The Art of the Possible. I basically retweeted the entire presentation :-)  Later we got a chance to sit in on David Eaves’ session about Digital Transformation Strategies from across the world. As part of our Code for Canada onboarding, we’d had the chance to spend a day with David, so we were familiar with his rapid-fire presentation style. I still think I only really comprehend a portion of his material, but it keeps me thinking for a long time after. 

I was really inspired by the presentations by Shu Yang Lin about the civic tech community in Taiwan, and blogged more extensively about it over on my medium blog: What can we learn from the civic tech community in Taiwan about public discourse and engagement?

Some of Wednesday’s great sessions included: 

The PIA Review

Prototyping Future Democracy

Open Data For Justice: Tracking Down NYC's Worst Slumlords

Policy Making For Nobody

Digital Transformation Strategies from Around the World

Thursday

Things were a bit slower on Thursday morning for some of us. After the Code for Canada-hosted breakfast meetup, we gaggle of fellows and Code for Canada staff gathered and chatted on some of the comfortable couches around the space. 

This was definitely the type of conference where you could see folks who didn’t attend any of the informational sessions, and just used the time to connect with other government innovators. Our track jackets made us noticeable in the crowd, and let us finally connect with some #GCDigital folks we only know off Twitter. (Hi Rob!)

A  few of the sessions I managed to jump into were Failing FWD: Lessons In Building Digital Teams And Products with the Ontario Digital service team, and Digital Disruption: Fundamentals, Business, & Execution with CIOs from three departments within the federal government. 

The MC for this session was Sagar from Code for Canada, and he pointed out that each of the three departments (PSC, PSPC and TC) have each hosted fellowship teams in the past. Coincidence? 

The CIO session was pretty interesting, to see the leaders of these different departments at different stages along the journey. It was a nice wrap-up and reminder of the week: there’s a lot of ‘best practices’ being circulated and shared, but the gap between theory and practice can be huge. 

Friday

Even though FWD50 officially wrapped up on Thursday, we managed to wrangle an invite to a “Rules as Code” working group session at the Canada School of Public Service. The speaker, Pia Andrews, participated in many sessions throughout the conference, and this was a relatively smaller audience as she went over some high-level topics and then answered open questions. Mike happened to pick the seat immediately next to Pia, and then the two Aussies chatted a bit after the session was over. Mike told her that he’d connected with the Code for Australia team that’d worked on Rules as Code, and it turns out it had been Pia who’d brought that team in.  I suppose it is a small world! (Mike wrote about Rules as Code a few months ago)

Then in the afternoon we fellows congregated for a retro and offsite. It’s been a busy few weeks, and we wanted to recalibrate on how we were feeling about our team and our project. We really do get along well, and I value my teammates. It’s somewhat hard to believe that we’ve known each other for less than 6 months. There is a lot of mutual respect and care. I consider myself very fortunate to have Mike and Maddy on my team ❤️

[moistwithgender]

Monthly Media Roundup (June-July 2019)

Well, I neglected doing a post last month, and now another has passed. I haven’t done too much, about three games each month and not anything else media-wise, so let’s get it all done right now!

Little Nightmares (PC/Steam): 

These types of spooky “cinematic platformers”, like LIMBO and INSIDE, never really scare me or fill me with dread. Part of this may be that due to the trappings of cinematic platformers. Checkpoints are very fair, and nothing is too difficult because priority is on delivering the story. Little side challenges exist, like trying to light all the candles or break all the porcelain dolls in the short 3-hour run of the game, but these are also pretty reasonable, even if you’re in a chase sequence. I’m reminded of a youtuber I briefly followed who talked about how horror games aren’t scary anymore, and somewhat unintentionally delivered the point that as you become accustomed to the limits of a medium, and therefore are less likely to be surprised by it, you’re also much less likely to be scared by it. It’s a somewhat unfortunate and inevitable trade-off to becoming more invested in a hobby. When I was a kid, all games held infinite possibility, and so an NPC in Harvest Moon telling me that wild dogs came out at night led me to think that night time held the possibility of ENEMIES in a game without combat. What the NPC meant was that you should build fences. As an adult who has spent my life playing games, I can tell you that a game is almost never going to put you in a situation without the means to deal with it. If there’s going to be combat, you’re going to know how combat works before an ambush. If there’s an escape sequence, you’re going to be in an area that facilitates your escape (often a narrow space that leads you in a direction while also making it as harrowing as possible). Games are theme park rides, and while learning that can make seemingly difficult games more manageable and enjoyable, it also gradually disillusions you. Thankfully, there are always new things to learn if you keep an open mind.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D (3DS): 

2019 has been about thoroughly enjoying the games that I considered overrated in my young adulthood. I joked on twitter that 70% of my personality was disliking Final Fantasy VII and Ocarina of Time, and honestly, it might as well have been. I earned a lot of undeserved respect in college through arrogantly spouting hot takes about “objectively good art”, and a lot of people reasonably assumed this must mean I know exactly what I’m talking about. The way I process art and media is much looser and more personal than it used to be, partially due to burning out and becoming too exhausted to deal with other arrogant people. I think a lot about how tiring I had to be for other people to talk to. Watching Tim Rogers bleed his personal trauma into his video series on the subtleties of FF7’s japanese script was the most instrumental in turning me back toward the game. When Square Enix revealed gameplay footage of the remake at E3 this year, I was hooting and hollering with the longtime fans.

But, this is about Zelda, not Final Fantasy. I had already played through OoT, as hurriedly as possible, just to say I had done it. It was the better part of a decade ago, at the urging of a then-girlfriend who had nostalgia for it. Frustrations with the Water Temple in the original version are valid despite it being largely well designed, due to some minor shortsighted-ness that blows up into nagging issues, but I think I had put myself in the headspace to dislike it from the get-go. Similarly, I didn’t want to do any collecting in the game as a whole. I had convinced myself that there was no joy to be found in collecting in games (a take bereft of nuance). When the point of Zelda games is to inspire the player to explore every nook and cranny in search of rewards, going in as a player and stubbornly trying to avoid any of that ensures that you’ll miss the point of the whole experience. I’m not sure what it was that made me want to go back. It might be that I wanted to prove my younger, cockier self wrong, and pave over my old evaluations with more nuance. 

It certainly worked out that way, as several previous opinions changed entirely. Ruto used to be annoying to me, but was now one of my favorite characters. Doing all the little minigames felt rewarding in itself, and in turn I was unexpectedly rewarded with important items (they really did bet everything on the entire world they’d made). The Water Temple, now tweaked for a bit more convenience in the 3DS version, was extremely interesting. The side quest to acquire the Biggoron Sword was easily doable, whereas I had grown up assuming it impossible. And the story which had never appealed to me (because I wouldn’t let it) now felt relatable in a way I hadn’t expected. Link intends to do good, but through unfortunate circumstances and honest mistakes becomes unable to take part in the world, and it spirals downward for years as he remains trapped in a room, aging but inactive. Something about that mirrors my own experiences with depression. Sure, Link, can travel back to his younger self at any time, but there’s still a powerlessness in the inability to affect the seven year gap. You can flash back, but you can’t change what you’ve lost.

Banjo-Kazooie (N64): 

You know, as a kid I probably would have just accepted that Grunty was evil, but as an adult it’s hard not to see her as a product of her environment. Obsessed with asking her cauldron who the objectively prettiest in the world is, she seeks out and kidnaps the younger girl given the title in an attempt to steal her youth. Every character in the game describes Grunty as ugly, rather than evil, and even her own sister shows up in every area to tell you how gross she is and how terrible her lifestyle is. I ended up sympathizing with her more than anyone else. I’ve only played half an hour of Banjo-Tooie, but it was a relief in multiple ways to see her pivot to straight up murder after rising from the dead.

Despite playing Donkey Kong Country multiple times growing up, I’d never really grown to love Rare’s in-house aesthetic of big-eyed cartoony animals. It might be hypocritical, but Smash Ultimate’s reveals for both King K. Rool and Banjo (and) Kazooie made me see the charm in these characters. Something about how Smash canonizes characters as essential pieces of game history always causes me to drop any negative pretense and adopt them as favorites. It’s a little intellectually hypocritical, but I can’t help liking what I like. After the trailer for B-K in Smash, I immediately started up the original game in Retroarch. Thankfully the core I used was advanced enough to play the game without issues (the same cannot be said for Tooie), as other alternatives were expensive or hard to get a hold of. While the slightly-mean humor and talking animate objects took a bit of getting used to, I get it now. I get the children’s show aesthetic they were aiming for, and I appreciate the feel of the physics and control of the interspecies friendship of the protagonists working in tandem with each other, even if the game is at times quite difficult.

Dragon Quest I, II, & III (SNES): 

Yes, I did play through three JRPGs in a row! And yes, you might notice that the hero of Dragon Quest XI (and VIII, and IV, and III) was also announced for Smash Ultimate. They recently released, as of this writing! A lot of what I’ve been playing has been influenced by outside forces, whether it be Nintendo news or friends, but I’m not bothered at all when otherwise I might not have the energy to play anything. The games I’ve been playing are also ones I’ve intended to play for a while, so the excuses have been convenient for me. Though, actually, this decision had less to do with the Smash announcement and more to do with the upcoming re-release of DQXI, which seems to be related to the original three games, known as The Erdrick Trilogy. I had heard that you can play XI on its own, but that there is an extra layer of appreciation to be had if you’ve played the original trilogy. Me being me, I naturally queued them up. I chose the older fan translations of the SNES remakes, and though I did finish them, I can tell you that they have their fair share of bugs (DQII even has a game breaking glitch I had to finagle through using save states across multiple versions, phew). Besides that, those old translations lack the modern localizations of the games, so if they namedrop something in XI, there’s a chance it’ll go over my head. Oops! If you want to play these games, the best versions are currently on mobile phones.

Around a decade ago I was in early college, with no friends except for those still in high school or at another university. I was very lonely and nervous. I started playing Dragon Quest V purely by chance, and it served as the perfect salve for that loneliness, with its lonely child protagonist traveling around the world accumulating found family. It’s one of the more poignant and cathartic JRPGs I’ve ever played, and for the next decade I would actually be bothered that the rest of the games didn’t live up to the catharsis of DQV.

In revisiting the roots of the series, and playing it through to see how it develops from title to title, it finally clicked with me, and continues to click with me, as I keep learning more about the series. Rather than comparing every entry to DQV, I should have been comparing them in order. This might sound obvious, but it really did make a world of difference to see that V’s narrative is placed on top of the foundation the previous games set, rather than a singular case of lightning in a bottle. And the games have always featured loneliness, but in differing contexts, and to different degrees. The hero of DQI is almost entirely alone through the full game. In DQII, the princess comes from lonely circumstances, and one of the princes comes down with a sickness that leaves him temporarily unable to help his friends. In DQIII you can make as many team members as you want, but you grow up with an absent father, and your own good deeds receive bittersweet resolution. They are all games built on simple settings and followed through with empathy. The series is at times disarmingly heavy, which is part of what makes the games as memorable as they are. You’re never quite as prepared for Dragon Quest as you think you are.

As of this writing I’m currently half-way through a replay of Dragon Quest IV, and I’m enjoying it a lot more. I’m looking forward to replaying V. I have no idea what VI will be like. I’ve heard it’s a lower point in the series, but that’s what I heard about II as well, and I ended up loving it, so who knows. Dragon Quest is good.

---

Well, I managed to catch up. I didn’t get into the finer details of the DQ playthroughs, but DQIII is honestly so good I don’t want to spoil it for anyone (you should play these games). Maybe in August I’ll actually get back to watching and reading things. Maybe I’ll try to keep these things to a single paragraph per item, to make it more manageable to read. Let me know what you think, if you think.

[abyssmal-writings]

The Thing Near the Tracks

I work a part time job for the city of Houston as a porter. My work schedule starts in the evening and ends in the early hours of the morning. I'm picked up by my boss and crew from home. In the truck it's usually four of us going out to work, sometimes three if someone calls out or quits. We drive through out Houston and clean up centers owned by the individual or company that has hired us for our services. The job consists of picking up litter, sweeping stair cases, and using a leaf blower to blow, well, leaves and pine needles into piles to pick up. The job's pay is shit and the work is unbearably boring. But what can you do when you have no vehicle to help you have that better paying job? I'm not here to complain about my situation though. You see, last week something very strange happened. I'm still coming to grips with the whole thing. It feels like, a really bad dream except there's no waking up from it. No matter how badly I want to I can not deny what I saw. I'm hoping that doing this, posting what I've experienced will help me cope with the insanity that is slowly taking over my mind. Alright, here goes nothing.

It was a Tuesday night, and we arrived at our third center in Greenspoint area off 45. I believe the company was Tellepsen, or perhaps it was near their facility. Without getting into the boring details, we did our job. Picked the place clean of litter and checked the parameter for anything else to toss away or clean. On the opposite side of the building there was an abandon train track. All that was left of the tracks were the rails, it's tiles removed or some cracked from age. One thing I forgot to mention, I'm the only male on my crew, so for anyone who is aware of greenspoint area and what it is like, you'd understand when I say that I was usually the one to go off into the darker areas to clean or check to make sure we didn't miss anything. So I was the one to cross those tracks to the back of the building to go clean and make sure nothing else was amiss. Now, I'm not exactly a brave individual but I do this to help speed up the process for us to quickly leave the center so we can move on to the next one and hopefully end the nights shift early. I don't let the area I work in bother me at all and I tend to be ignorant of the danger I put myself in by being alone while I work. Stupid, I know. As I was strolling down the tracks pointing my flash light this way and that way to be sure all was done, I noticed what seemed to be a fresh puddle next to a big container. Seeing this both confused me and intrigued my curiosity because it did not rain the previous day or the day before either. I looked behind me and saw my co-workers at a distance finishing up their little area of the center, just to be sure I was in their sight in case anything happened. I approached the puddle and turned off my flash light as I got closer since there was a source of light on a building adjacent to the container. As I got closer I saw that it was no puddle of water but what looked like a fresh spill of black paint or tar in a perfect circle. I don't know why I was drawn to it, but as I looked closer the black spill shimmered in the light that was available. I pulled out my pocket knife and used it like a shovel to scoop up some of it up. Surprisingly, the black substance didn't slowly drip or slide off the blade. Its touch as well felt sort of gooey, it reminded me of blood when it clots up from an open cut. I heard the work trucks engine come to life in the distance, queuing me that we're heading out to our next center. As I'm getting up I immidiately smell something so fucking putrid it made me gag. I have a weak stomach to bad smells, so it took me a moment to regain my composure.

"H-help me. It hurts.. It huurts." Said a voice behind me. I quickly turned and saw an aged man dressed in ragged clothes. His face was twisted in a state of agonizing pain, the same black substance that was on the ground was stained below his lips and on his chin. He was gripping at his stomach and using his other hand that was covered with blood and more of that black shit to reach out to me.

"Help, help me! I'm in so much pain. My insides, they're t-tearing apart!", the man cried out.

Now at this point, I was frozen in place. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was chilled to the bone by the man before me. So many red flags were popping up in my vision. A voice in my head shouted "Run you idiot!" But instead I stood there dumbfounded and unsure of what to do. My boss pulled up behind me in the truck, its headlights putting us in a spotlight. I noticed the man's eyes were bloodshot red and tears were streaming down his face.

"Martha!" I called out to my boss. "Call 911, get a paramedic!" I meant to say this with courage in my tone, but it came out more hesitant and cracked like a young school child. I was frightened. Something didn't feel right and there were plenty of signs showing that none of what was happening was in anyway normal.

"Holy shit.. Quick, Jessica is on the other side of the building. Go and get her now as I help this man." Martha said. Martha's an older woman, but she doesn't let that stop her from defending herself from anything or anyone and is capable to flee if need be. I trusted she'd be alright, so I ran off to go and get my co-worker. I didn't have to go far. As soon as I crossed the tracks she was already coming around the corner of the building to us.

"Woah hey, what's the rush? Is everything okay?" She asked me. I just shook my head and motioned for her to come to the truck. When I turned back around I saw that the man and Martha were no longer in sight. Before I could even think of anything else, I heard her let out a blood curdling scream that made my heart stop. Jessica and I ran in the direction of the scream that was just on the other side of the truck. We went around the front end of it and saw Martha and the man. Martha was on the ground, hands keeping herself up and widespread panic on her face. The man was between her and us, his back facing me. He was groaning in pain, but.. His voice.. The sound of it seemed as if there were two voices in one. I can't explain it, but it wasn't his normal voice. He must have sensed our presence behind him, cause he began to slowly turn around and face us.

Fuck man.. His stomach was torn open and these.. These appendages were wriggling out of him. Instead of blood it was the same black shit I saw on the ground earlier that oozed out of his stomach. I saw his face.. My god his face. Twisted in pain, terror, confusion. As if to say with his expression "Why is this happening?" He let out one last groan. And I say this not because he then died, but more appendages came out of his mouth. Opening it beyond human possibility. All the while, the man moaned and groaned, still alive through it all. His eyes now widened to the monstrosity he has become.

"Get away from it! Run!" Martha screamed. The man, the.. The thing turned to her and slowly began to make its way towards her. His movements like that of someone carrying something heavy or.. In excruciating pain. One foot lifting, the other dragging behind with each step. Jessica took this moment and ran to the truck, jumping into the driver seat and putting it in reverse. She backed it up close enough for Martha to get up and jump in the passenger seat. She then cut the wheel to the left and reversed, turning the truck around towards me. All the while my gaze was upon the thing that just a few minutes ago was a poor homeless man. During the daring escape and saving our necks, the thing turned its attention to me and just looked at me. I could hear it breathing, no, wheezing. Though I'm not certain how given that the appendages were wriggling out of it's mouth. Before anything else could happen Jessica backed the truck up between us and without hesitation I jumped into the bed of it and she hauled ass put of the center. I looked back as we drove away and saw the thing look at us as we escaped. An ungodly scream came from it. Sound of both monster and what once was a man. I kept looking at it as we drove further away until we turned a corner and the thing was no longer in site. I still didn't feel safe. My heart was racing, eyes wide in fear. At that moment and even now I could not believe what just took place. That eerie scream still haunts me. We never went back to that center. Martha checks it off on our list as if we did it each time a day comes for our scheduled route towards greenspoint. I haven't gone back to work in three days. I still feel its presence, as if it knows where I am. Martha called me yesterday to check on me. I could tell she was still shocked by the event. She told me she's taking a vacation. Her and her husband are going out of town. I hope that helps her. I wish I could do the same, escape from my home and never look back. You see, the thing is that yesterday I walked the dog in my apartment complex. As we passed up a dumpster he began to whimper and growl at something on the other side of it. As I said, I'm not brave, but I do the things I do cause they must be done. That, and curiosity always gets the better of me. I went to the other side of the dumpster to see what bothered my dog. My heart sank as I saw it and dread filled my mind. On the concrete next to the dumpster, was a puddle of that black substance. Now.. Now I don't feel safe at my own home.

[butterfly-child99]

If you follow me on instagram/facebook/twitter you may have seen a few weeks ago, we got to experience something wonderful. We got the chance to have a sleepover at Dorset County Museum in Dorchester with Dippy the Dinosaur, YES, you read that right, THE DIPPY from the National History Museum. He is currently on tour and his first stop is in Dorchester. I have wanted to write about our experience since we very first got in but I wanted to take my time so it wasn’t just excited drivel.

I don’t believe I have ever done anything quite like this, but I do hope to experience some wonderful things with my children in the future, this was our first stop on our quest for a fun filled and happy life. Dippy has been at the museum since February and as my son is a huge, huge fan of dinosaurs, and as a family we are all pretty dino crazy, we got tickets to go see Dippy. Firstly, we went with some family friends, and the children loved it! So much so, they wanted to do it again, so we booked more tickets to go see him in May with my mum (Mamma) and Mr BC’s dad (Grandad). However, before we reached that second date, I got an email with the exciting news that as the first two sleepovers were so successful, and had sold out so quick, they had added an extra date, and as I subscribe to the mailing list, I was given advance warning. I spoke to Mr BC as quick as I could and without much thought we booked tickets. This was almost a once in a lifetime experience, we could not pass it up.

We told the kids, who were obviously excited and it wasn’t far  in the future, so we had no moans or waiting which if you’re a parent you will appreciate is a amazing.

I took a few photos on the night but mostly I did live videos to my facebook feed, which was very cool as we got to share our experience with family and friends as it was happening. The whole experience was really well planned and was just amazing. My initial thoughts were that it may be quite scary staying in a museum and I thought it would be quite strict in what you could do and when. But the staff were amazing  and we got to wander round the museum, spend some time with Dippy, and they had organised games and activities. We had hot chocolate before bed and they had organised two films to watch (Dinosaur related obviously), and it was not scary at all. In fact, it was incredibly exciting.

Even before we got in they had some entertainment for us as we queued, this lady was amazing. She had a dino disco set which played lots of music from T-Rex to Everybody walk the Dinosaur, accompanied by her son she was very entertaining and we saw some more interesting things from her later too.

She was just as excited about dinosaurs/fossils and the chance to sleep over as us, she was also really insightful and just fun to be around.

When we made it into the museum, the biggest decision came, did we pick somewhere quiet to put our sleeping bags to try to get some sleep or did we sleep under the towering skeleton of Dippy…..

Obviously the children picked Dippy, which we knew would be terribly exciting but also full of lots of other excitable children and lots of accompanying adults (with snoring/talking/laughing) but we may never get to do this again, so we went for it. One night of restless sleep would be worth it. So we made our way into the great hall and picked a spot to camp out. The kids had made  a friend in the queue so obviously they wanted to be near her. So we set up out gear and waited to find out what exciting activities awaited us.

We all had handy printed itineraries to follow and before the event we had all been spilt into teams and had been asked to wear a colour to define our group, and we could do fancy dress if we wanted to try to win a prize. As we didn’t book until last minute our dress wasn’t amazing, but we all had matching blue hoodies, as we were on the Jurassic Tropical Seas team with the Pliosaur as our prehistoric creature.

The activities ranged from a Pliosaur versus Megalosaurus Quiz to Parachute Games. I really can’t praise the whole evening enough, who would have thought a museum would let children run around playing a game of dinosaur tag or playing exciting parachute games within one of its collection halls. It was an amazing experience, that I do not think I will ever stop talking about. The children loved every single moment, even though the recommended age was 7, and Poppet is only 5, she still got to join in and experience everything.

During the Pliosaur/Megalosaurus quiz, the children had to answer questions by finding the answer in the room. My two worked beautifully together which doesn’t happen often, and they managed to find all the answers, and poppet did some beautiful handwriting. So educational as well as fun, so a thumbs up from mummy!

After this, we went through and some wonderfully, exhilarating fun playing dino themed parachute games. For me the idea of children running and playing within a museum panicked me slightly, what if things got broke. But the children were really well behaved and the staff again were incredible. I even got to join in with a game of dino tag, we had a slight incident, as poppet got a little crushed by some the bigger children and I was on the other side of the room so didn’t see it, but she was rescued and got to stay with the museum lady for a bit, so she was happy enough.

We then went into the main Dippy hall where we got to see the lovely Dinosaur Disco lady again and her son. She talked to us about how she was a huge fan of the jurassic coast and she had a special skirt made of sedimentary layers, and she sang us some Jurassic themed songs with her ukulele and son accompanying her. It was amazing! She sang about sedimentary layers, fossil formulations and about Mary Anning (famous for all the fossil hunting she did and so much more, look her up and if you want more exciting and interesting information have a look on the Jurassic Coast website); which if you are a big dino fan, or live around the Jurassic coast or are interested in fossils; will know she is a big deal and this lady was a huge fan. I think after this evening, I was also a big fan and my appreciation for dinosaurs, fossils and history of where we live, increased tenfold.

We got to walk around Dippy again and get our selfies if we wanted one! It was amazing seeing him from up high, as you can imagine we would be as high as tree level, which is where Dippy would have been eating from and until you see how big he is, you cannot truly appreciate what it must have been like when dinosaurs roamed the earth. The video below is a link to my facebook, as I don’t have a downloaded version of it. Please let me know if you have any issues with the link.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10155504355437411&id=543807410

As the night wore on, we were invited for a hot chocolate and to get our pyjamas on. Whilst we waited for the films to be prepared, we were allowed to have a wander around Dippy and into some of the other rooms, and we did a raffle and the fancy dress competition. Whilst Mr BC took the kids to the raffle I spent a few minute with Dippy all on my own. It was quiet and peaceful not eerie as I thought it might be. It was an incredible moment, that I won’t ever forget.

This is me all alone with Dippy!

The choice of films was Jurassic World or Dino time for the little ones. Monkey wanted to go watch Jurassic world so we all went through to watch it. I had brought some snacks and we all had blankets which we snuggled under. I could tell, Poppet was not going to make it to the end. She was yawning away and had asked if she could do some colouring. We had already seen this movie, so I could understand her getting bored. So Mr BC stayed with Monkey, and Poppet and I went back to our camping area under Dippy.

Monkey enjoyed the film and returned a couple of hours later and was asleep by 11:05pm, 5 minutes after lights out. Poppet and I had been doing some colouring and telling dinosaur and princess stories, and we had settled down but waited for the boys before also drifting off to sleep.

Everyone (nearly everyone) slept soundly, there was a few snorers and a creaky door somewhere, but mainly it was peaceful. However, at just after midnight Poppet developed a funny doggy sounding barking cough, and it kept waking her as she also developed a wheeze. We had been locked in the museum so I couldn’t go anywhere, and it was only a bit of a cold but unfortunately it meant I spent most of the night holding her up slightly so she didn’t have to lie flat. Whilst I was  sitting awake cradling Poppet so she wouldn’t lie flat, the museum was generally quiet, I could however, hear some kind of exhibit in the background, still talking to itself, and for one moment I had the silliest thought that maybe things did come awake as we sleep, like in the movies, and it added to the excitement of the night. So even though, Poppet was a bit unwell and I didn’t get much sleep, me and Dippy really enjoyed each others company as everyone else slept on.  I think it must have been from sleeping so low to the floor, and she suffered with croup as a baby. It didn’t dampen the experience though as we all had a great time and we were sad to go. Poppet especially got sad as she didn’t want Dippy to leave but we reminded her we had one last visit to do, although sadly as you will know from my previous posts, Grandad didn’t make it with us to visit Dippy but we did still go in his memory and Monkey and Poppet hoped his spirit was with us to see us enjoying our final visit to Dippy on his tour.

The morning after, we all were given cereal or croissants for breakfast which was yummy, but we rushed through it as I wanted to get Poppet home to get some calpol in her and some fresh air. We had so much fun and I cannot thank the staff enough for such a wonderful and incredible experience. In itself, the whole evening was amazing and a real once in a lifetime thing to do, but the staff made it even more special, by how welcoming, knowledgable and just how excited they were by it all too. If it was possible to just pick and do any job in the world, a Library or a Museum would be my dream. Being surrounded by all the History and exciting artefacts, always learning new things and passing this knowledge onto children, and making learning exciting, would be perfect. If I can pass on a love for learning to my children, I will be happy. And I think surrounding ourselves with people who are equally as excited, and by going to events such as these, I am on the right path, but definitely if I could work somewhere with events like these and show just one child the excitement of learning, then I would be happy!

Here was our final picture of the kids in front of Dippy saying our good byes. They do both look a little hungover, which I thought was quite funny. Poppet obviously wasn’t feeling too good but Monkey looked excited and thrilled but exhausted all at the same time and I think thats what grown ups look like after a really good night out.

If we get chance to do it again, I would jump at it and if you ever get the opportunity, do it! It was incredible and I will remember it forever. Not only was it amazing but it helped to remind me that my life is pretty great, I have longed for a third baby, and I would love to not be in as much pain as I am sometimes but looking at my beautiful children and taking part in such a wonderful thing, and knowing, you know what I can do so much more with my children. I cannot wait for our next adventure and I say BRING IT ON!!!

I am not sitting back and letting pain or anxiety get the better of me, I want to enjoy my life, spend time with the kids and do things now! We have our first part of our Europe “tour” booked, we are off to Rome in the Summer Holidays and we have lots of exciting day trips or experiences we would like to do, on our ever expanding to do list, and I cannot wait, and I hope you can’t wait to hear all about it, too!

As a final video, here we are saying Goodnight when the room is almost empty! It really was incredible!!!!

You may have seen a few weeks ago, we got to experience something wonderful. We got the chance to have a sleepover Dippy the Dinosaur! Check out all the exciting things we did in my new blog post! If you follow me on instagram/facebook/twitter you may have seen a few weeks ago, we got to experience something wonderful.

[deztinywarriors]

ES Spectre 2.0 Chapter 38

[north-and-south-blog]

Harry Styles Live: East and West

I’ve never moved faster than when, 90 minutes before doors, Bella told me she’d found me a ticket for Harry Styles at Radio City Music Hall in New York (for face value at that - mountain-moving magic). It was one week ago, but even with time to think about it, I still consider grabbing it up it to be the second craziest decision I’ve ever made.

The crowning glory? Flying 3000 miles to see the same show opening night in San Francisco just the week before (and then taking a bus to Las Vegas the following day for a whirlwind adventure with my best friend over the weekend).

When tickets went on sale in May, I was planning to stick to a strictly east coast journey. The more we learned about how difficult they would be to get (codes! Verification! Gladiator-like battles against each other on the World Wide Web™ for venues that would house a shaving of the people who were trying for them from all over the country and all around the world), the more the blowout got cut down. Whereas my friend and I were initially planning on New York and maybe Nashville to make up for a previously postponed trip, we whittled it to New York if we were lucky with Boston as a backup. When only I became verified and received a code, the team got cut down to one, and when Ticketmaster failed to refresh (something our cousins across the pond assured us was the key in their ticket-buying process)….

The day ended with no tickets for me. My best friend had friends who had gotten them tickets to San Francisco, though, and at the time that was most important to me. She’d roped me into the wild ride of supporting this artist, and her getting to see him was my main priority. I kept perspective by remind myself this meant more money for seeing him whenever the next tour was announced (which it was — a little over a month later. I impossibly scored the tickets I wanted at the venue I wanted during presale).

The rollercoaster turned us upside down when the pals she was supposed to go with had to back out. There had already been a few false starts earlier in the summer when codes and tickets were allegedly rereleased, and by this point I’d made my peace with biding my time for the next year. As patient and settled as I was, though, when she asked if I wanted to buy one of the tickets and make a trip out of it with her, I jumped at the opportunity and took a flight out of JFK at 7:00am to head farther west than I’ve ever been in my entire life.

Opening night at the Masonic in San Francisco was a whole lot of new for me. It was full of queuing (for 10.5 hours at that without food or drink — I know, I know…), getting barricade, nearly passing out (I repeat: I know, I know…), and fire alarms that had my father’s age old reminder of, “Remember the fire at the Cocoanut Grove” echoing in my head as I triple-checked that I knew where the exits were.

(Should he ever see this post: I was right by one and there was a straight shot to another one. I very clearly made it home in one piece. I am OK).

Anybody who remembers anything about level of promo for this album leading up to its 12th of May debut will know that no expense was spared and all stops were pulled. Subsequently, expectations for this tour were high, both from those curious to see what he could do and those who had seen it before. As a fan who skidded in just before the start of One Direction’s hiatus but before the four members’ solo careers, the show was everything I expected it to be. I don’t think the crowd stopped screaming from the moment the lights first dimmed and Styles’ silhouette appeared on the pink and flowery curtain in front of us (a sight unseen to me since I was tucked all the way off to the side with the tradeoff of being able to see behind the curtain as the band and Styles darted out to take their positions on stage before anybody else. Incidentally, the highlight of the evening for me was when I smiled at bassist Adam Prendergast just before the curtain dropped and he grinned back — a moment important only to me that has made him my fast favorite out of all Styles' bandmates).

What you hear is what you get — apart from improvisations, the songs sound precisely as they do on the record in tone and quality, even with the enthusiastic jumping, kneeling, and, as he puts it, prancing, from the man who sings them. Anybody questioning whether or not he can sing based on any number of criticisms (from his X-Factor beginnings to the One Direction cannon that shot his name into virtually every household) should have no doubt about it. From a showmanship perspective, although the first few songs seemed rushed — either part of a squeaky-clean plan or a time crunch thanks to the half hour delay from the fire alarm — and he, consequently, seemed tense, once the 75 minute set was half over, he had relaxed into the groove of the exchange of love between him and the auditorium full of people who returned his apparent affection in spades.

This, I think, was the special part of the evening, and it’s what fans go to see and experience — the certainty that they are loved by someone they love, too. Seeing Harry Styles blow kisses and clutch his chest while very clearly saying the words, “I love you so much,” it was impossible to deny that he meant it. With arms thrown open, he unfurled a blanket of love and gratitude that stretched to the rafters and knitted into the one that the crowd rolled out his way — evidenced by the way they (we) sang, “You bring me home,” during his soft acoustic Sweet Creature and how he had his Sign Of The Times sung back to him as he stood there watching in silent awe, absorbing 3,480 people singing the words he wrote that meant something to them where they started out meaning something to him.

I left that night exhausted and running on fumes that carried me through an 18 hour bus trip to Las Vegas and with the pipe dream of somehow finding my way into Radio City. Even over the summer, I’d eyed tickets on StubHub with the impractical and unfounded urge to hear New York’s stars Kiwi and Ever Since New York in New York. I had the rest of the week in Vegas and the majority of the following week back in the city to kick it out of my system. After a friend and I asked Radio City if any tickets would be released and they assured us it was a no (due to his Dunkirk fame and popularity, all tickets were going to be sent to industry waitlists), I was well and truly ready to settle in for Periscope streams from my couch. Free snacks and the ability to lounge about were licking my wounds.

And then I got the call (the first time I’ve ever been able to say that in my life). From  4771.69 miles away, Bella had found someone whose friend had canceled on them at the last minute (cancellations seem to be my lucky charm) and they were selling their ticket for face value — much better than the prices that started at five times the original selling price on StubHub. She verified the tickets were real while I threw clothes on, slapped makeup on, and ran out of my house to make it to the venue in time. While I can’t necessarily say I endorse this since there are any numbers of ways it could have gone wrong, I had the appropriate systems set up in place (people were told, code words were established, and a plan to call Bella after getting there was made) and in an hour and a half I was inside Radio City for the fifth night of tour.

Both San Francisco and New York were special experiences. San Francisco was historic — it was opening night of the first sold out solo tour in a venue that only time and his management will be able to tell if he’ll be able to play ever again. Being there for the debut and all the bumps that came with it was an honor as a fan, and it’s something I’m looking forward to thinking about for years to come and telling any children I might have in twenty years time when they’re listening to his seventh album and marveling at the cool stuff their mom used to do.

As important and magical as that night felt, though, I knew that the experience between hearing it on the road and hearing it at home would be palpable, especially with the way the performances in L.A., Nashville, and Chicago had increasingly ramped up. After the curtain dropped and was carried away, it became apparent that my rash decision had been the right one. Any bumps that had been apparent during opening night were long gone, and without the fear of passing out from exhaustion, jet lag, dehydration, starvation, and heat, I was able to scream, sing, and dance in ways I hadn’t been able to in San Francisco (I apologize to the people behind me who had to deal with my 5’8” self keeping my arms in the air for most of the night). Styles debuted a new cover of One Direction’s Story Of My Life, and he led the crowd through two and a half renditions of Kiwi to prove that New York is actually always jacked up and that it would do well as a single (Columbia Records, Styles’ label, confirmed the release of the single less than a week after the Radio City tour date). Although my first rockstar moment came when I was 22 and saw Morrissey at MSG when he threw his shirt into the pit for adoring fans to tear to shreds, the second came that night when Styles, evidently having lost his mind only moments after asking Radio City to do just that (with a please — he’s British, after all), raced up a wall to loom over the venue below him during his cover of Fleetwood Mac’s The Chain. If you want pics for proof or it didn’t happen, you’ll have to dig through Twitter — I was too busy doing exactly as he’d asked and staring in shock to be able to snap a photo of it.

I’m going to see him next year — once at Madison Square Garden and once in the midwest, so I’ll again be traveling a ridiculous distance — and I don’t have a doubt that I’ll be in for many more surprises and much more love.

[izzarail]

The Thing near the tracks

I work a part time job for the city of Houston as a porter. My work schedule starts in the evening and ends in the early hours of the morning. I'm picked up by my boss and crew from home. In the truck it's usually four of us going out to work, sometimes three if someone calls out or quits. We drive through out Houston and clean up centers owned by the individual or company that has hired us for our services. The job consists of picking up litter, sweeping stair cases, and using a leaf blower to blow, well, leaves and pine needles into piles to pick up. The job's pay is shit and the work is unbearably boring. But what can you do when you have no vehicle to help you have that better paying job? I'm not here to complain about my situation though. You see, last week something very strange happened. I'm still coming to grips with the whole thing. It feels like, a really bad dream except there's no waking up from it. No matter how badly I want to I can not deny what I saw. I'm hoping that doing this, posting what I've experienced will help me cope with the insanity that is slowly taking over my mind. Alright, here goes nothing.

It was a Tuesday night, and we arrived at our third center in Greenspoint area off 45. I believe the company was Tellepsen, or perhaps it was near their facility. Without getting into the boring details, we did our job. Picked the place clean of litter and checked the parameter for anything else to toss away or clean. On the opposite side of the building there was an abandon train track. All that was left of the tracks were the rails, it's tiles removed or some cracked from age. One thing I forgot to mention, I'm the only male on my crew, so for anyone who is aware of greenspoint area and what it is like, you'd understand when I say that I was usually the one to go off into the darker areas to clean or check to make sure we didn't miss anything. So I was the one to cross those tracks to the back of the building to go clean and make sure nothing else was amiss. Now, I'm not exactly a brave individual but I do this to help speed up the process for us to quickly leave the center so we can move on to the next one and hopefully end the nights shift early. I don't let the area I work in bother me at all and I tend to be ignorant of the danger I put myself in by being alone while I work. Stupid, I know. As I was strolling down the tracks pointing my flash light this way and that way to be sure all was done, I noticed what seemed to be a fresh puddle next to a big container. Seeing this both confused me and intrigued my curiousity because it did not rain the previous day or the day before either. I looked behind me and saw my co-workers at a distance finishing up their little area of the center, just to be sure I was in their sight in case anything happened. I approached the puddle and turned off my flash light as I got closer since there was a source of light on a building adjacent to the container. As I got closer I saw that it was no puddle of water but what looked like a fresh spill of black paint or tar in a perfect circle. I don't know why I was drawn to it, but as I looked closer the black spill shimmered in the light that was available. I pulled out my pocket knife and used it like a shovel to scoop up some of it up. Surprisingly, the black substance didn't slowly drip or slide off the blade. Its touch as well felt sort of gooey, it reminded me of blood when it clots up from an open cut. I heard the work trucks engine come to life in the distance, queuing me that we're heading out to our next center. As I'm getting up I immidiately smell something so fucking putrid it made me gag. I have a weak stomach to bad smells, so it took me a moment to regain my composure.

"H-help me. It hurts.. It huurts." Said a voice behind me. I quickly turned and saw an aged man dressed in ragged clothes. His face was twisted in a state of agonizing pain, the same black substance that was on the ground was stained below his lips and on his chin. He was gripping at his stomach and using his other hand that was covered with blood and more of that black shit to reach out to me.

"Help, help me! I'm in so much pain. My insides, they're t-tearing apart!", the man cried out.

Now at this point, I was frozen in place. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was chilled to the bone by the man before me. So many red flags were popping up in my vision. A voice in my head shouted "Run you idiot!" But instead I stood there dumbfounded and unsure of what to do. My boss pulled up behind me in the truck, its headlights putting us in a spotlight. I noticed the man's eyes were bloodshot red and tears were streaming down his face.

"Martha!" I called out to my boss. "Call the police, get a paramedic!" I meant to say this with courage in my tone, but it came out more hesitant and cracked like a young school child. I was frightened. Something didn't feel right and the goosebumps on my arm were a sign that none of what was happening was in anyway normal.

"Holy shit.. Quick, Jessica is on the other side of the building. Go and get her now as I help this man." Martha said. Martha's an old woman, but she doesn't let that stop her from defending herself from anything or anyone and is capable to flee if need be. I trusted she'd be alright, so I ran off to go and get my co-worker. I didn't have to go far. As soon as I crossed the tracks she was already coming around the corner of the building to us.

"Woah hey, what's the rush? Is everything okay?" She asked me. I just shook my head and motioned for her to come to the truck. When I turned back around I saw that the man and Martha were no longer in sight. Before I could even think of anything else, I heard her let out a blood curdling scream that made my heart stop. Jessica and I ran in the direction of the scream that was just on the other side of the truck. We went around the front end of it and saw Martha and the man. Martha was on the ground, hands keeping herself up and widespread panic on her face. The man was between her and us, his back facing me. He was groaning in pain, but.. His voice.. The sound of it seemed as if there were two voices in one. I can't explain it, but it wasn't his normal voice. He must have sensed our presence behind him, cause he began to slowly turn around and face us.

Fuck man.. His stomach was torn open and these.. These appendages were wriggling out of him. Instead of blood it was the same black shit I saw on the ground earlier that oozed out of his stomach. I saw his face.. My god his face. Twisted in pain, terror, confusion. As if to say with his expression "Why is this happening?" He let out one last groan. And I say this not because he then died, but more appendages came out of his mouth. Opening it beyond human possibility. All the while, the man moaned and groaned, still alive through it all. His eyes now widened to the monstrosity he has become.

"Get away from it! Run!" Martha screamed. The man, the.. The thing turned to her and slowly began to make its way towards her. His movements like that of someone carrying something heavy or.. In excruciating pain. One foot lifting, the other dragging behind with each step. Jessica took this moment and ran to the truck, jumping into the driver seat and putting it in reverse. She backed it up close enough for Martha to get up and jump in the passenger seat. She then cut the wheel to the left and reversed, turning the truck around towards me. All the while my gaze was upon the thing that just a few minutes ago was a poor homeless man. During the daring escape and saving our necks, the thing turned its attention to me and just looked at me. I could hear it breathing, no, wheezing. Though I'm not certain how given that the appendages were wriggling out of it's mouth. Before anything else could happen Jessica backed the truck up between us and without hesitation I jumped into the bed of it and she hauled ass put of the center. I looked back as we drove away and saw the thing look at us as we escaped. An ungodly scream came from it. Sound of both monster and what once was a man. I keeped looking at it as we drove further away until we turned a corner and the thing was no longer in site. I still didn't feel safe. My heart was racing, eyes wide in fear. At that moment and even now I could not believe what just took place. That eerie scream still haunts me. We never went back to that center. Martha checks it off on our list as if we did it each time a day comes for our scheduled route towards greenspoint. I haven't gone back to work in three days. I still feel its presence, as if it knows where I am. Martha called me yesterday to check on me. I could tell she was still shakened by the event. She told me she's taking a vacation. Her and her husband are going out of town. I hope that helps her. I wish I could do the same, escape from my home and never look back. You see, the thing is that yesterday I walked the dog in my apartment complex. As we passed up a dumpster he began to whimper and growl at something on the other side of it. As I said, I'm not brave, but I do the things I do cause they must be done. That, and curiosity always gets the better of me. I went to the other side of the dumpster to see what bothered my dog. My heart sank as I saw it and dread filled my mind. On the concrete next to the dumpster, was a puddle of that black substance. Now.. Now I don't feel safe at my own home.