#me when I choose revenge AND healing

[soullessjack]

man. spn was really like . hey yea jacks telekinetically killing and maiming his fathers vessel, yea in the exact manner sam phrased it earlier but I’m sure that’s nothing, also did I mention that he wasn’t rlly planning on it but once he got started the task of deliberately torturing this man consumed him? yea he’s displaying unusual cruelty , yk, as one does .he’s enjoying every second of it too , also. like it’s actually cathartic for him to be actively contorting this man’s skeleton and charring his flesh until it blackens because he hates this man so much, yk, the vessel of his evil father that he hates and resents even being related to,. and he’s like all proud and satisfied with what he did, yknow with pretzel-twisting a man’s bones and all…

lol yea we’re never gonna bring that up again Please. torture-murdering your father’s vessel and getting catharsis from it is soo normal actually. Besides he isn’t even like really a main main character ,he’s just a main one when it can move the plot along lmaoooo yea sorry no we’re never gonna go in-depth on this ever again loooll

[imyourbratzdoll]

I have a request you are up for it. I kind of had this idea where Steve Rogers really screwed the Reader over in their past relationship and cheated on her with Sharon and dumped the reader for her. Even the avengers don't talk to her anymore and made her look like the toxic one in the relationship. two years later it's his and Sharon's wedding day and it was a beautiful and wonderful, however reader returns and decides to kill seek her revenge on Steve and Sharon and the rest of the team. Let's just say she gets it and Steve suffers. (Reader is a witch by the way)😈

hello honey, I hope you like what I've done.

summary - steve cheats on you, causing the team to turn against you to save the world from hating him. years later, you finally seek your revenge.

warning - angst, torture, cheating, dark content, badass female

the gif I use isn't mine, divider by @newlips (deactivated)

It had been two years since Steve Rogers broke your heart, you thought that would be the worst of it, but the fact the team turned on you and screwed you over by making it seem like you cheated on Captain America, causing the world to hate you, treating you like shit until the point you snapped. If they wanted a bad guy, they’ll get one. 

You sat in a dark room as the tv played, your ex was getting married to the tramp he cheated on you with. Your golden eyes sharpen as you glare at the screen, causing it to explode in sparks. You grin, the whole team would be in that church, making this so much easier for you. 

Your hands glow as you begin to hover, your long black dress falling gracefully around your legs. “Oh, the day that the Avengers fall and all by my hands.” Your laugh echoes throughout the room and you disappear, reappearing in front of the god-awful building. “Oh god, could their taste be any worse?” Your hands face down, levitating toward the church doors and flinging them open with your magic. The whole room falls quiet. “Well, well. Where was my invitation?” 

Your head tilts as Sharon huffs. “You aren’t welcome here!” Your eyes move around the room, connecting with each person. “Hello? Get the fuck out! Didn’t you realise you weren’t welcomed when Steve left you for me?!” 

You smile, your gaze moves back over to hers and you stare. Watching as she shivers under it. “Sharon, Sharon, Sharon. You should know not to mess with a witch, especially a pissed off one.” Your hand flies up, stopping a bullet midair, you slowly tilt your head, looking at the small metal object before your gaze follows where it came from. A grin forms on your face as you connect with Natasha’s. It appears you found something that made the big Black Widow shudder with fear. 

“Y/n, stop this. You are only hurting yourself.” You blink, once, twice, thrice before your laughter fills the room, sending chills up everyone’s spines. “Why are you laughing?! Do you not realise how insane you look right now?!” 

“Sweet, sweet Natasha.” The bullet melts as you direct your hand toward her, lifting her in the air, watching her dangle as she struggles. “I’m not hurting myself, I’ve finally healed from the pain you all put me through. Because, sure I loved Steve and it felt like my heart had been ripped out when he constantly cheated on me with some wannabe tramp. But I could’ve lived through that, what I wasn’t expecting was the heartbreak from the people I considered family.” A growl rumbles within your throat, eyes glowing brighter with each word and emotion. “I can no longer hurt myself when you did a wonderful job of it for me.” You twitch, you can feel the stupid witch trying to enter your mind, her magic feels like something irritating, like a jumper that continues to itch because someone made it out of that horrible fabric.

You continue your hold on Natasha, turning your head, gold meets red. “What are you doing, Little Witch?” You blink, sending her flying across the room, crashing into a row of ugly flowers, causing you to scrunch your nose. “Ew, who chooses weeds for their special day?” You huff, feeling a body slam into you and your other hand reaches out, strangling Vision as he tries to charge again. “What is with you people, don’t you know it’s rude to just attack a person.”

“Y/n stop. That’s enough.” Two years ago, your heart would’ve pounded inside your chest from hearing his voice. But now, your heart lies cold within your body. The rest of the team that you don’t have a hold on, stand, readying for a fight. It felt comedic. “If you don’t leave, we will make you leave.” 

You throw your head back, letting out another chilling laugh before your head falls forward and you glare at your ex. “You make me leave? Do you think you’re stronger than me? You may be Captain America, but deep down you’re just that weak little boy back in the 40s.” You float over to him, black and gold magic building beneath you in a cloud and the anger builds in your veins. Your hands fly back, throwing those you had in your hold against the church walls before you reach in front, releasing all your magic onto the one man, watching him fall to his knees. “You and your team are no match for me, Steve Rogers. You will never be, you will all fall before you even manage to take me with you.” You lower to the ground, standing over him, leaning over, moving your face close enough that it looks as though you are about to kiss. “You will beg me for your life. It may not be today or a year from now, but you will.” You grip his chin between your fingers, forcing him to look into your eyes as you smile. 

Your eyes flash, stopping Tony from approaching, his Iron Man suit begins to slowly enclose on him, squashing him from the inside. “Not so fast, Mr Stark.” Your magic wraps around Steve’s body, keeping him in his position as you turn and face the rest of the Avengers. You look at each and everyone of them, letting your magic explode around you and the room, wrapping around them. “Soon you will all fall, no longer loved, no longer remembered. The world will move on without you and in your demise, you will beg me for help, falling deeper and onto your knees. Sacrificing your beliefs and pride.” You begin to descend from the steps, smirking. “Hm, why don’t I continue to torture you guys some more.” 

With a wave of your hand, all their nightmares come to life. Every single person or thing that they don’t want to face appear in front of them, torturing them, allowing you to sit back and watch with a smile, a glass of wine appears in your hand as you watch them all suffer. A few hours pass and you grow bored, making everything disappear along with yourself. 

While your magic circulated around them, it allowed you to see their future and it gave you many ideas to how you could continue to ruin their lives. Starting with the man who destroyed you. You close your eyes, feeling your spirit escape you and travel back in time, appearing in front of a woman that many looked up to. 

“Peggy Carter.” She spins, looking around for the voice. Your eyes glow and your magic surrounds her. “The love you feel for Steve Rogers will turn into hate, he will appear soon and will want to stay. You will fill his head with every hurtful thing you’ve thought of. You will see who he really is and how much he has changed when he was the smaller version of himself. You will destroy him, rip out his heart and squash it in front of his eyes. He will finally know how it is to feel his heart being broken.” She blinks, walking over to the photo of Steve, staring at it, and wondering why she has it before Peggy grabs the photo and drops it into the bin. 

You smirk, disappearing back into your time and body. Your eyes open with an evil glint, staring right at the readers.

thank you for reading!

feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

[imastrangeone98]

Enough

(A/N: yes to blade, yes to everything about him 🩵)

WARNING: extremely ooc!blade cuz stoic men are hard to write, fem!reader, smut smut, minors get the hell out of here or I'll smack u to Heaven and back; more plot than there should be tbh; also y/n lowkey being the stellaron hunters' favorite member XD

Being alone with Blade in the hideout is not how you wanted to spend your day, yet here you are.

Agonizing over the lack of Kafka and Silver Wolf (your two greatest- and only- friends in the Stellaron Hunters) helps distract you as you sweep the floor of the Hunters' newly occupied hideout.

It also helps keep your mind off your unexpected companion... the man you've been trying to avoid for the past few weeks.

It's not that you didn't like him- quite the opposite, in fact. Your feelings for the broody swordsman were... complicated. Of course he was visibly attractive, as well as emotionally volatile; you'd be blind to not notice it.

But you grew to enjoy seeing his reactions to the smallest of things- from his disgust at the tomatoes in his sandwich, to the smallest curl of his lip at the sight of a whetstone for his sword, to the faintest glimpse of peace in his eyes when he watches the sunset.

You grew to love him. How could you not fall for the sensitive soul who secretly fed the stray kittens near the base, who joined Silver Wolf on the couch to watch her play games, who quietly thanked you every time you patched up the wounds his healing factor could not, even though it was your job?

Your heart blooms when you're near him. But you know better than to think he feels the same way.

Kafka had told you of his reasons for joining the Hunters: a thirst for revenge against all who wronged him, and the undying desire for eternal sleep. His path of vengeance meant no room for any unnecessary things, you included.

You will never be a part of Blade's world.

So you keep your feelings under lock and key, choosing to ignore the fluttering of your heart whenever he helps you with the dishes, when he silently joins you on your trips to the market for groceries, even when he hands you a small souvenir from whatever planet his mission was in.

"Bladie certainly likes to give you special treatment," Kafka had teased you once as she helped blow dry your hair. "Any more of his flirting, and I might just have to fight him for attention~"

"Oh please, be serious, Kaf." You rolled your eyes at the thought. "Blade would never be interested in romance, especially with a dime-a-dozen medic like me. Besides, have you seen the way he looks at that bracer?"

"Well, if he doesn't want you, I don't mind picking up the slack~"

You smacked her for that. But even though she hadn't used her Spirit Whisper on you that day, her words stayed in your mind long after the conversation was over.

Her voice echoed in the back of your mind after that night, when you had encountered him broken and lost in the middle of the night, aching from pains you could not understand. You had taken him in your arms, unable to watch him suffer, and sung him to slumber, watching as his eyes slowly drifted closed as he relaxed in your hold.

Putting him to bed was no easy task, but it was when you were about to pull away that your problem truly began.

"Stay," Blade whispered, soft and drowsy- a sound you didn't think him capable of. It left you speechless, even as he pawed at you to pull you closer to him. "Stay here tonight."

The warning to stay away should have rung in your mind. But when he gazed at you with wide, almost desperate eyes, you could not say no. And so you stayed that night, his head resting on your chest, falling asleep to the sound of your racing heartbeat.

You shouldn't have. Because now you're stuck in this situation, trapped in a corner, with the man haunting your thoughts hovering above you, a dangerous gleam in his eye that sends a shiver down your spine.

"C- can I help you?" you squeak out, a bead of sweat on your forehead. "I'll get started on dinner pretty soon-"

"You are very difficult to get a hold of." Blade cuts you off, leaning closer to you, nose brushing against yours. "Now you have nowhere to go... and no one to hide you."

You gulp. Aeons, you wish Kafka and Silver Wolf were here right now.

"You've been avoiding me. Why?"

Your cheeks feel hot at his question. Is he really that daft? (No, he isn't. He just likes seeing you flustered; but you don't have to know that just yet.)

"I have no idea what you're talking about," you splutter. He stares at you, exasperated. "I'm treating you just as I always do!"

"...You're terrible at lying." He sighs and finally leans away from you; you hadn't realized you were holding your breath. But you're still not off the hook, because he slides a finger under your chin and tilts your head to maintain your gaze on him. "Since you're not willing to be honest, I will. You disappearing in the morning wasn't particularly... enjoyable for me. And here I thought we were getting close."

Blade lightly scratches your chin, and aeons, if your face wasn't hot before, it's burning now.

"If you didn't like me, you could have just said so. I thought-" He stops himself, but his wide eyes speak the words he cannot vocalize.

Your heart threatens to burst. You have tell yourself it's not real. There's no way this is real. Blade does not like you. Blade is not capable of love. He desires only revenge against the many who wronged him, against the one who holds the other half of his bracer, the key to his heart.

Blade does not love you. He loves only what you briefly gave him because he lacked so much of it in his mysterious past that he instinctively reached out to the first person who gave him scraps of what he deserved.

And that knowledge breaks your heart.

"...You don't know what you're saying," you say stiffly, your grip on the broom tightening. "You must be confused. When Kafka returns, I'll ask her to use her Spirit-"

"Stop," he growls, pressing against you once more. He's so heavy he nearly squeezes the air from your lungs. "I don't know what you're thinking, but that's enough."

Aeons, you're insufferable. Yet he can't stay mad at you, not when your expressions are so cute. He gently cradles your face, fingers lightly tracing your cheeks, the corners of your eyes, your soft lips.

He wants to kiss you. He wants to know if you taste as sweet as you look. If your voice is just as sweet singing his name as you sing your songs that soothe his soul, his mara, better than any of your healing balms or even Kafka's Spirit Whisper.

"Why won't you let me in, you stubborn woman?" Blade whispers, eyeing your confusion, your hurt that he doesn't understand. "What pains you so, that you won't even look at me?"

You grit your teeth. How can you tell him that what pains you is the very thing that brings his immortal life meaning? That you're just trying to make his life easier by not interfering with his plans with your own, temporary issues?

But nothing comes out except a half-hearted, "Nothing you need to concern yourself with."

"Bullshit," he hisses. "Everything you do concerns me. Your existence concerns me."

Your hands squeeze into fists. "And why's that? Am I that much of an inconvenience to you?!"

His lips curl into a pained smile. "Like you wouldn't imagine. You make me think of things that I don't need..." He glances down at his feet for a brief, long second, then looks back at you. His eyes are aglow with something you can't describe. "That I don't deserve to think of."

For as much as you want to harden your heart, Blade's words make your attempts meaningless. It's so full of fear and longing that you want to reach out and touch him, hold him close to your heart and never let him go.

You swallow, somehow feeling more nervous than before at what you're about to ask. But you want to know. You need to know, for your poor heart. "...And what is it that you think you don't deserve?"

His gaze softens. Blade leans down once more, and you feel his breath on your lips. He smells nice, you think hazily. Suddenly, you feel overwhelmed, too hyper aware of everything- his scent, the gentle brush of his fingers on your chin, the flecks of gold in his eyes.

"You," he whispers, and softly presses his lips to yours.

He's warm against you. His arms are strong as they wrap around you, pulling you into his firm chest. Before you're fully swept into the storm that is Blade, a funny thought flits through your mind: for a man with such a sharp name, he feels so warm in your arms.

He groans against your mouth, hands moving to your cheeks, coaxing your lips open to slide his tongue inside, feeling every part of you. You're so soft, so sweet, so perfect- he swears that you must have been crafted by the aeons themselves to fit his taste, to his hold. He has to fight against every cell in his body to not rip your clothes off and take you against the filthy walls. As badly as he wants to taste you properly, he needs to move this elsewhere. You deserve better than the cold corner he trapped you in. (And if Kafka shows up early, he doesn't want her to witness the filthy things he wants to do to you. But the marks he'll leave... That's fair game.)

When he finally pulls away, you're left breathless, chest heaving, and your lips tingle with the heat of his own. Blade nuzzles against your neck, and leaves kisses down your throat.

"Come on," he whispers against your skin, and tugs at your sleeve. "Stay with me tonight."

It feels too good to be true. You should be more suspicious. Blade does not love. Blade does not care for love. He does not love you.

He doesn't...

But he smiles at you- a soft, innocent smile that tugs at the corners of his eyes- and you fall into him, helpless.

When he offers you his hand, you don't hesitate to take it.

Maybe you're too hypnotized by him, but time melts into one hazy fog of memories. He's gentle- leading you to his room, lying you down on his bed, peeling off your clothes, piece by piece, until you're left bare and wanting. He stares at you hungrily, but he makes no move to devour you just yet.

He's slow, too. Watching him remove his garments- untying his belts and vest, sliding off his glove, unwrapping his bandages- it was torture. You huff, displeased, and reach out to him to lend a hand, but he lightly smacks it away, a playful smirk on his face.

"Patience," he teases, "and I'll give you what you want... and more."

To drive his words home, he moves even slower. By the time he's kicked off his shoes and pants, you've given up on being patient and paw at his boxers, much to his amusement. His cock finally springs free, and you gulp- it's big. Thick at the base, you wonder how it'll fit you. But you can't resist the temptation to lean forward and lick the tip. He groans above you, hands resting on the back of your head to push you further against his groin.

You're so cute. He watches you, hearts in his eyes, slurping away at his cock, clumsy hands rubbing at the parts you can't fit. You reek of inexperience, but it's okay. He has more than enough time to teach you, and he'll enjoy every second of it.

But for now, he lets himself relax and enjoy the warmth of your throat. The urge to cum rises its head, but he pushes it back. Not yet. Not until he feels you properly. (But he can't deny the mental image of his seed dripping from your mouth is incredibly arousing.)

It's when you begin to choke on his length that Blade pulls himself out of his pleasure-induced stupor, and he pulls you off of him to lay down on his bed. He follows you, resting on one arm above your head while his other hand trails down your neck, to your breasts (sparing a few seconds to fondle and squeeze each one), down your belly to your thighs, lightly tapping your wet mound.

"I'm gonna stretch you out now," he says, making sure you're paying attention to him. "Or it'll hurt when I go in."

It hits you: he's done this before. The bracer flashes in your mind. For a brief moment, you think to pull away and return to your room alone, to lick at the wounds to your sensitive pride.

But you hear him call to you, soft kisses being pressed onto your cheeks, and you are pulled away from the storm into his solid embrace.

"You're thinking again," he sighs, and he moves to kiss the corner of your mouth. "Whatever it is, think of it tomorrow. Just let me in; look at me."

Blade rubs his cheek against yours, giving you a reassuring look, then you feel his fingers, long and calloused, brush against your sensitive hole. You gasp at the unfamiliar feeling and squirm, but he keeps you firm, kissing you deeply to distract you from the way they slowly press inside you.

Your walls are tight. Blade wants so badly to pull his fingers out and devour you from the source, slurp up every last drop of your essence. But he grasps hold on the last few strings of his unraveling patience, not giving in to his desires just yet. He needs to do this, lest you cry in pain when he finally pushes inside you. So he finds solace in your softness, in the rhythmic squeezing of your silky cunt, carefully stretching you out.

A tear slips out of your eyes at the painful pleasure, and he kisses it away. "There we go. You're ready," he murmurs, pulling his fingers out, your whines at the emptiness music to his ears. He brings them to his mouth, sucking off your juices and moaning at the taste.

"Don't... don't do that," you whimper beneath him. You stare at him so innocently, he wants to ruin you. "It's yucky..."

"It's you," he corrects you, and he adjusts himself so he's between your legs. He smooths his hands down your thighs and positions his cock right at your entrance. When the tip catches onto your hole, you both sigh in pleasure. "Nothing about you is 'yucky.'"

With that, he finally- finally thrusts inside you. You yelp at the intrusion- he stretched you out, but aeons, it's still painful... and he's still not fully inside you. Whimpering, you claw at his scarred shoulders, nails raking down his back. He groans at the sting, leaning down to kiss you, unable to escape your addicting lips.

He can't move. He's trapped by the tightness of your pussy, your wet warmth distracting him from the main course. But your cries of his name pull him out of that haze, reminding him of what he needs to do.

"You're okay," he manages to heave out, cupping your cheek before pressing his chest to yours, mouth smushed against your ear. "I'm here. I'm gonna move."

You whine a weak "Blade..." but he shushes you.

"Ren."

"...What?" you ask hesitantly.

"My name. My real name. Ren."

"...Ren."

Oh, aeons. Your voice is so beautiful saying his long-forgotten name, he nearly came inside you. But he works up the strength to push his cock deeper, until his hips meet yours with a wet slap.

You wail, chanting his name- his true name- as he builds up a semi-steady rhythm. And he makes love to you, for aeons knows how long, hypnotized by your sounds, your smell, your touches on his body as you scratch at him and bite his neck, as if leaving your mark on him. (He wishes he didn't have his healing factor. He wants your scratches to last. He wants to look at them in the morning.)

You manage to cradle his face in your palm and turn him towards you. You take the time to admire him- his gorgeous red eyes, his bare chest gleaming with sweat, his long hair forming a curtain around you, narrowing your sight to him, and only him. So it's just Blade.

No... Ren.

Your heart clenches at his amorous gaze, as if showing his devotion to you, and only you. You do not know if he loves you... if he is capable of loving you. You do not know if he will come to regret this come morning. But you will embrace him, and smile at him, like you do now.

Because you love him. You cannot deny it anymore. You love Ren.

"Ren..." you call out once more.

And he answers you. "Yes." His voice is breathy, and his touch gentle, for he cups your cheek in his hand and rubs soft circles into your sensitive skin.

He may not love you, but you love him. And that is all you need. And you let your love consume you.

"Ren."

"Yes."

You say his name so much you lose count. And he responds every time, sometimes with words, sometimes with his lips. Until he grabs your thighs and folds you nearly in half, hips now slamming into yours as he buries his length inside you even deeper than you thought possible. Your eyes cross and you howl at how impossibly deep he feels, pressing buttons you never knew existed.

Blade moans, drunk on his pleasure, on your sweet, sweet pussy. He feels that unfamiliar tightness in his loins, his balls aching for release. But he needs you there with him, standing at the edge of that cliff right by his side.

"'M close," he whispers hoarsely. His hand flies to your hidden pearl, rubbing at your clit through your folds. You whine pitifully, but this time, he pays no heed. "I need you, come on, I need you-!"

The burning warmth in your gut spreads faster at his rough administrations. You squeal at how sensitive you feel, but you can't outrun it. The heat reaches to your limbs, your eyesight is hazy, and all you see, feel, smell, know is Ren.

Ren, who grasps hold of your hand, urging you to jump off with him. And aeons, he looks so beautiful doing it.

You can't help the words that slip past your mouth: "I love you."

And you jump. You plummet into the canyon, hands intertwined, and you're swept under the waves of indescribable ecstasy that makes you see galaxies. You feel warm, much like the ropes of warm seed that fill you.

Your mind is foggy, but Blade's sighs of pleasure are clear and bright. You feel him thrust inside you, once, twice, four times, before collapsing on top of you. He nuzzles into your neck, taking in lungfuls of your scent, committing it to his memory so he can never part from it.

With shaking arms, you manage to run your hands through his hair, massaging his scalp and untangling the soft strands, trying to shake your sudden nerves as you realize what you just said in the throes of your first orgasm.

I love you.

But if he noticed, then he hasn't spoken up about it. Instead, he shudders at your touch, pushing his head further into your hands, a silent urge to continue. So you do, until your eyes can no longer stay open, and your hands fall limp in his hair.

He pushes himself up and gathers you in his arms, pressing you to his chest, close to his pounding heart. And he takes the time to admire your drowsy form, so vulnerable and soft, so trusting.

"You terrify me," is all he can whisper before he joins you into slumber.

Because you make him not want to seek death. But he knows he must search for it, now more fervently than before. So that when your time inevitably comes...

...He will be able to follow you.

[...]

"It seems like you and Bladie have been rather close these days~ Have you two finally fucked and made up?"

You blush at Kafka's stupidly accurate teasing. "Don't say it like that! We just... had a talk, that's all."

Your friend eyes the hickies on your neck with amusement. "Sure... a talk with teeth~"

"Kafka-"

"When's dinner? Are you gonna make pasta?" Silver Wolf pops up out of nowhere, eyes fixed on her game.

"Do you want pasta?" you ask her with a laugh. She can be so childish sometimes, but you love her nonetheless.

"Yeah. I like your pasta." The gamer moves to sit next to you, but her chosen spot is suddenly occupied as Blade slides in beside you. He gives you a knowing look, before sending a cocky smirk at Silver Wolf, who pouts and complains to Kafka.

You cackle at the sight before you, and slowly rest your head on his shoulder. Blade says nothing, but the way he shifts his body for your comfort and wraps an arm around you tells you everything. You close your eyes in bliss, ignoring the chatter between your two friends as Silver Wolf decides to make a spot on your lap.

Blade is warm beside you. That is enough.

--------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: this b*tch took all my wishes but it's ok I love him. I'll hopefully be able to save enough for Dan heng's dragon form *wink wonk* also I'm reassuring myself that no matter how bad this is, hbo's the idol is far far worse 😃

[cantareincminor]

SxF Chapter 102 -- Love and War

As personally tragic as the current Spy x Family manga arc is, I feel it's one of the most powerful yet. To me, it's on par with Twilight's backstory, maybe even surpassing it. It encases the themes of the senselessness of war and blind hatred of the "other" within a tale of star-crossed lovers whom the audience has come to care about as secondary characters. It carries subtle foreboding for our main characters, Twilight and Yor, though it's never directly stated. I hold out hope that at some point in a future chapter, Twilight or Yor will have a life-changing conversation with one of these wise elderly mentor figures, when one of them is at a personal low point and has to decide whether their (hopefully almost real by then) marriage is worth fighting for.

That is good storytelling. Richly layered like a Lady M cake.

One of the messages that struck me was the non-love triangle between Martha, Henry, and Lucia. It could have easily become a love triangle in another author's hands, or in a different genre. Or in a fanfic written by Becky Blackbell, lol. The panels of Martha's heart and dreams shattering into pieces after meeting Lucia were utterly devastating. It was her lowest point.

But she didn't stay there. She didn't seek revenge or to be a homewrecker (that's a no-no, young miss), she didn't fall into bitterness and break off all ties with Henry and Lucia, she didn't stop living her life. She danced ballet again even though her injuries from the war hindered her. She danced in tears, with a broken heart, but she still danced. And she danced with Henry and Lucia as her staunchest supporters in the audience. She didn't push their kindness away or close herself off from them.

The panels below moved me so much. The detail is small, but Lucia is crying. Tears of joy are falling down her face as she watches Martha dance on the stage.

Lucia came from a privileged family, one of the so-called "elites" that Becky quite hilariously disparages, but they were a family that sought to rebuild the country and heal people from the war. And that healing starts with individuals like Martha. Lucia had to have figured out at some point, whether directly or indirectly from Henry or Martha, that the two of them had a history together. That if not for the war, Henry very well may have become Martha's husband instead. Lucia might even have felt sad or guilty for being "that woman," an interloper between star-crossed lovers. She too had the chance to push Martha away or distance herself from her husband's past so as to feel more secure about herself. But she didn't do that. She embraced Martha with open arms and supported her dreams. She loved her as a friend, so deeply that she cried at her ballet performance. Martha loved her so deeply in return that even 15 years after her death, she continues to bring flowers to her grave. Not even Henry brought flowers in the end panels of this chapter.

This is the kind of love that heals nations after a devastating war. Even though the three people in this scenario are all Ostanians, this is still the same kind of love with the power to heal the deepest wounds. What wound can be deeper than losing the love of your life to someone else? And yet all three of them make the best of the situation and find the courage to reach out to each other instead of turning away, lashing out, or living in denial or unresolved bitterness.

Endo is showing us through the heartbreaking, heartwarming stories of these individual characters what the path to prevent the next war is. To be wounded by others and have our hearts broken, whether romantically or through betrayal by friends and family or through the callous actions of the ruling class, is an unavoidable part of life. But how we choose to react to that hurt makes all the difference.

This is why I made forgiveness and reconciliation the core theme of my fic Orpheus. To me, it remains the most powerful theme of all in storytelling, because it is the hardest thing for a human soul to do. It takes incredible courage, and it requires metaphorical death. To die to oneself, as Christ says, to take up the cross, the instrument of your own execution, and to pay the cost of someone else's wrongdoing even if you had no part in it. The alternative is to make the other person pay---which feeds the cycle of violence and retribution, at the most extreme on a national level---or to bury it deep inside and cut yourself off from a chance at real human relationships. All relationships involve risk. The deeper the relationship, the greater the risk.

I am so grateful for this magnificent arc in the manga. I can't wait to see what Endo has in store for us next, and how he will tie in the broader story of our main cast into the lessons from Martha and Henry's love. Because it's still love, even if they never acted on it romantically. Given their circumstances, it's an even purer love for the fact that they didn't.

[thelarriefics]

SUMMER FIC REC, Part II: Below you will find fics that take place in the summer, or have summer scenes. (Part I)

📖 On The Horizon by FitzAndLarry (261k)

Drunk, loose, and excited on the first night of his two-week-long cruise, Doctor Harry Styles finds himself with a little extra company on what has turned out to be a lonely experience. Louis, the pilot who helped fly him across the Atlantic, is the object of his fling. Thus begins an adventure filled with laughter, sun, and trauma rearing its ugly head. Deadline on their companionship, the pair commit to enjoying their time - and Harry, the screw-up he is, can't help but lose himself in the fantasy.

📖 love is a word, you gave it a name by @larrydoinglaundry (158k)

After two decades in brutal show business, Louis Tomlinson is trying to restore his tranquility of mind in the peace of Northern Europe where the sun barely sets, Maria's bar is always open, and young Harry has an irresistible spark in his eyes.

📖 blue moon by @aquietlarrie (152k)

or the self indulgent 50’s au where i wanted a safe space to explore the culture, history, and sexuality of being gay in a time when it was extremely difficult to do so. includes, lots of questionable dancing, healing your inner child, and one heck of an emotional ride.

📖 a cycle of recycled revenge by @broken-beaks (103k)

Or: The one where Harry likes to infuriate Louis almost as much as he enjoys straddling his lap.

📖 gloominess of summer days by @adoremelikeasunflower19 (90k)

Following a devastating and unexpected split, Harry finds himself rewarded by the mysterious ways of Faith in the form of an inheritance of his Uncle’s house in a distant country Wolveheuls. Dismissing his initial scepticism, he chooses to seize the opportunity. He starts a journey of self-discovery, relearning the meaning of loving and being loved, moving on from the painful past, and making his place within the eccentric small-town community. Between his efforts, his path crosses with Louis Tomlinson, a town native, known for his ridiculous number of jobs, incomparable wit, and profound adoration for the cottage lifestyle.

📖 Summer's in the air and baby, heaven's in your eyes by @starryhaze28 (82k)

or a 70s tennis au filled with skirts, pet names and intrigue

📖 your memory over me by @shimmeringevil (64k)

The worst heartbreak of Louis’ life walks right back into it when his parents invite their family friends on an all-expenses-paid trip for their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Facing a past that he tried to bury long ago, Louis learns that some people have a way of sticking with you even when they’re gone.

📖 hope your life leads you back to my door by wildestdreams (56k)

Harry Styles set out to be a doctor; a steady career and a good living is all a young person could ask for. What he hadn't set out to do was to spend his summer holiday on a trekking trip in Spain with a group of people he barely knew. And he certainly didn’t plan on having his heart stolen by Louis Tomlinson, class clown, and secret crush, in such a way that he feared he might never find it again. ft. cheesy chat-up lines, a big desi wedding, falling in love, and growing up.

📖 A Golden Goal by a_momentwitme (55k)

"Even they, as free as you think they are, don't always get to love like this, in the true meaning of the word, of the feeling. Not some diluted version that some settle with for their entire lifetime. I mean love in its purest form, which still grows every day despite the problems, barriers and annoying habits you discover in your partner. A love that refills your heart after you pour it out or makes you go on during your worst days, knowing that your best is expecting you at home."

📖 where the tide takes you, i will follow by @pinkcords (53k)

Louis lives in Gloucester and Harry tries to find a way to stay.

📖 sent by the sun by @givesuethemoon (51k)

In 1970s Los Angeles, Harry is a groupie who aches to feel alive. Louis is the lead singer of a rock band who aches to know him.

📖 Suddenly Last Summer by @disgruntledkittenface (44k)

Louis is bored, rich and lonely. He has no reason to expect that this summer in the Hamptons with his friends will be different from any other – until he meets Harry. Suddenly he has someone who listens to him and cares about what he thinks. Someone who really sees him. But their happily ever after is forever marred by an incident at a party during Labor Day weekend, and Louis is left with a choice to make.

📖 Awake Dear Heart, Awake by She_bear (35k)

Cute, fun, sexy and at times emotional AU where Harry and Louis meet as strangers on holiday in Greece and find themselves stuck on a remote beach together. An initial misunderstanding gets them off to a bad start. Both at a turbulent point in their lives, they are forced to confront their internal struggles and of course each other.

📖 He Still Takes My Breath Away by @parmahamlarrie (32k)

 the one where Harry is a lifeguard and Louis is the head of recreation. And, sometimes, you just need a little push to realize what was right in front of you the whole time.

📖 Bitter Ends Turn Sweet by @allwaswell16 (30k)

It had been four years since Harry first heard the song his ex wrote about him and far longer since they broke up. He forgave Louis long ago, and now his life was focused on his career, his family, and especially his son, Max. But Louis was back in Chicago, after all this time, and he’s not an easy man to ignore. Or a songfic inspired by the song Chicago

📖 Dancing With Masks by @softfonds (18k)

With awards season coming up and new films on the way for both of them, Harry and Louis' managers decide it's time for them to date for publicity. They don't mind, given that they are best friends and have known each other for ages. Besides, after years of sexual tension built into a fake relationship for press, what could possibly go wrong?

📖 Come on in, the water's fine by @greenblueish (9k)

or, the one where Louis is set on enjoying his last summer jobbing abroad as tourist entertainer and it only gets better when a mysterious hotel guest with overly expensive sunglasses keeps coming back for his drink recommendations.

📖 Black Leather, Blue Lace by @insightfulinsomniac (8k)

aka: a pwp in which new soulmates farmer!Louis and city girl!Harry are filthy exhibitionists.

📖 Near You Now by @beyondxmeasure (8k)

When a leaky bathroom sink turns into a minor flood, Harry has to act fast. So, he thinks of the closest (and most unlikely) way to find home repair help… Grindr. The last thing he expects from this quick fix is to find anything long-term.

📖 now i'm tracin' all my steps to you by @alwaysxlarrie (5k)

Of all the things Harry was prepared for this summer, Louis Tomlinson and his wonderful, wonderful scent isn't one of them. It probably shouldn't be as shocking as it is that it makes Harry want to nest. There's only one slight problem -- Harry and nesting aren't exactly on familiar terms. At all. This does not stop Harry from borrowing ("borrowing") Louis' things all throughout summer, though. Oops?

[samarecharm]

People who really like shuake also seem to write themselves into a corner wrt Akechi and his relationship to Akiras team. Contrary to popular belief, the team, including Haru, does not hate Akechi. At worst, they tolerate him and deal with his attitude. Hes a good teammate and respectable fighter and the team recognizes that at the end of the day, he was a teenager who was manipulated and abused by a man who saw him as disposable. Just about every thief understands this intimately. They have the same mindset wrt adults who take advantage of the people beneath them. Under different circumstances they wouldve been friends. And if u approach it from that angle, it becomes less about Akechi being the sole person who ‘gets’ Akira, and more about the thieves being the only people in the world who ‘get’ Akechi.

When you expand your thoughts to include the thieves as members of his Team and not roadblocks that get in the way of your ideal shipping dynamic, you allow urself to give Akechi and Akira more depth and nuance to their own relationship.

Akira and Akechi are wildcards; both of them struggle with the face they choose to display to the world. Its the first time Akira interacts with someone who is, at a literal, technical level, his ‘equal’. But Akechi is one of many firsts for Akira yeah? Every thief has their bond with Akira thats completely unique and personal. Akechi will never be the person who witnesses Akiras Awakening, hes never the person who watches Akira have his restless nights alone in the attic, and hes never the person who realizes in real time that the teenager hes housing is just Some Kid, not the delinquent hes been warned about. Hes not Ann or Yusuke, or any of the thieves; he doesnt have the time or experience that they have with Akira, and I think its interesting to explore that part of their relationship, shippy or not.

Akechi is someone who is incredibly lonely and self depreciating despite his cockiness and attitude. He has no positive bonds to speak of save for his connection with Sae. To have him see a team that works together and cares for each other, how do you think he would feel? Out of place? Inferior in some way? Angry about how hes been alone for so long in this single minded quest for revenge? Wouldnt that be a point of struggle between the two of them? I think what makes shuake good for me is knowing that Akechi needs alot of time to heal, and the thieves would want to help with that process. They do it bc they care, bc Akira cares, and bc they trust Akiras opinion (and he trusts theirs in return); if Akira feels like Akechi is someone who can be trusted Now after everything thats happened, then the thieves would do their best to help. And how would Akechi feel about that? Angry about the show of pity? That even now, he has no real say in what happens to him? Or begrudgingly grateful that they are cordial with him? Because they do care, he KNOWS they care, they care TOO MUCH actually; but the one thing he values over brawn and wits is honesty- fighting for what you believe in without having to use soft words to justify it.

[rumi-k]

Healing || Tokyo revengers

"fix it, please" "fix what ?" "me"

• — comfort, angst

tw : various injuries, abuse.

He's trembling. His hands are sweating and he's hesitant to touch you. He feel like he might break you, even more, if he touch you in the wrong way. It happened before, and it will probably happen again, but he swear he will never get used to seeing you trembling, barefoots, drenched due to the pouring rain. Not daring to look at him in the eyes, you choose to look somewhere else, trying to keep your composure. His teeth clench when his eyes dart around your body. He grew accoutumed to that view, so much that he can't seem to remember the colour of your skin before it was strewn with wounds and bruises.

He sighs in defeat, laying the alcohol-soaked cotton ball on the nearest surface he find.

"Can we talk...?" He's hesitant, scared to break the silent, afraid he'd scare you away.

You shook your head, not trusting the sound of your voice, knowing your words will only end up in sobs.

There's so much he want to say to you, so much he want to do. He want to hug you, cry with you, fight everyone who dared to hurt you.

But he just stays there, watching your empty eyes avoid his concerned one.

He's as scared as you are, if not more, you think. And the thought would amuse you if your mind wasn't plagued with shame and guilt from bothering him with your little problems again.

But it's fine. You're fine. As long as you're breathing, you're fine.

So why does it hurt so much ?

You don't flinch when he approaches you, and your body subconsciously lean into him when he wraps his arms around your trembling figure. You cry. You always do when he touch you like that, like you're the most fragile thing ever.

But it's fine, he thinks. You can break down in front of him as much as you want.

Because he will gather all the pieces and will rebuild you over and over again with his bare hands if he have to.

Takemichi, Chifuyu, Inui, MITSUYA, Hakkai, Angry ( Souya), Kakucho, Taiju ( hear me out ), Baji, Rindou, Draken, Shinichiro, your favs

English isn't my first language so I apologize for the mistakes I made ! It's the first time I actually write something on Tumblr and since wanted to cry you will too ⁠♡

[youwouldneverbreakthechain]

I don't like the Found Family trope.

There, did I get your attention? It's true, but the question is, why is Guardians of the Galaxy still one of my favorite stories in any medium ever?

Something really clicked for me with the ending of Vol. 3 (spoilers ahead, natch). The team broke up and that kind of development is usually heartbreaking, because we love the team, they love each other, now that they've found each other why should they ever part ways?

The answer is that they're a family, and that's what families do. Growing up means leaving the parents who raised you and finding a path of your own, maybe to someday continue the cycle with kids of your own, but never losing what you got from your first family. Those people, who you can't choose, will always be a part of you.

Each of the Guardians, aside from Drax, had their childhoods interrupted by traumatic events. They didn't get to finish growing up naturally, and that loss hounded them all their lives. When they found each other they began to heal, but here's what I didn't realize until the end of the trilogy: the family that they found with each other wasn't the kind that you make when you grow up. It's the kind that you grow out of.

From the beginning, Peter has shown signs of "Peter Pan Syndrome," acting like a little boy even though he's highly skilled, courageous, and compassionate. His maturity gradually began to show through, but one quirk that kept coming up was his refusal to return to Earth. No good reason for it except that he couldn't bear the reminder of his mother and he was ashamed to face his grandfather. He can handle it now because his life with the Guardians gave him the stability he needed to become a true adult.

Gamora's new incarnation doesn't need the Guardians because she found the Ravagers instead. We don't know much about them but I expect that what they did for Yondu, they'll do for her too. In the meantime, Nebula's had a few good years of being loved and now she can follow the footsteps of the Gamora who was lost, aside from falling for Peter, because that's unlikely to ever work again.

Groot's been the most fortunate, not having his youth cut short or taking any serious trauma since he sprouted. Eventually he may want to strike out on his own, but until then it's good that he can stick with Rocket.

Mantis seemed more aware than anyone of their internal struggles, including her own. Which is appropriate, her being an empath and all. She really made the boldest possible move, going it alone, and I'm proud of her. Hoping she'll make an appearance in The Marvels or something else before reuniting with Peter and/or the Guardians.

Drax is a special case and the one who I thought was most likely to die, since it seemed like his arc was all wrapped up: he had his childhood before we met him and it was his adulthood that was ripped away from him. Revenge was his entire deal and Ronan and Thanos are dead now, so what's left for Drax? Well, it turns out revenge doesn't have to be his entire deal and now I'm embarrassed I ever thought otherwise.

Rocket...oh, Rocket. We always knew that he was something other than what nature had intended, and that was on top of the nonstop physical and emotional abuse, but now it turns out he already lost the only three people who put anything good into his sad little life. Since there was nothing to salvage from his upbringing, he was the one who needed the Guardians the most, so he's the only founding member to stay. But no mistake, it matters that he's staying as the leader. He's not alone, but he's not under anyone's control, either. He knows who is now and he knows his worth.

The "don't call me a raccoon" running joke always bothered me a little but I never dreamed it would have a payoff like it did in Vol. 3. Rocket claiming his full name is much more than a nod to his comic origins. It's his understanding of where he began and the injustice that was done to him, his acceptance that he wasn't at fault for the deaths of his first companions and that he does deserve to be loved by the Guardians.

That's the foundation that lets everyone part ways without having to ask each other if this means their relationships are over. As far as I've seen, no other found family in fiction has reached this point - the team is generally the endgame, and if someone leaves, things will never be the same again.

In a real family, a good one, when someone leaves we celebrate. Congratulations on your first apartment. Good luck at college. Blessings on your union. Just remember, you can always come home again. Our arms are open for you.

[lesinquietes]

A truly scary thought is breaking up with Dabi, because you figure he never really acted like he gave a fuck about you anyways, and him turning into a total yandere

Tw; burning, kidnapping, noncon

At first, he’s chill about it. K. Fine. Good riddance. He doesn’t need you. You were simply something to pass the time with, and he’s sure to let you know precisely that if you badger him too much. It turns out you’re kinda cute when you cry. Makes him wish he’d been around more to tease the little droplets out of you instead of ruminating on the past.

Your lack of presence hits him after the first night. Having the bed to himself isn’t as nice as he thought it’d be. Maybe it was comforting to have you warm the other side of his mattress — or the space beneath him, when he used to cage you between his chest and the memory foam. Growing up close to Natsuo, he became familiar with having someone else nearby. But it can’t be just anyone; it has to be someone he cares about. And he guesses that means he cares about you, after all.

He was so preoccupied with getting revenge on his father that he neglected you; likewise, he isn’t in-tune with his emotions enough to own up to his mistakes. That makes his next step challenging. How is he supposed to get you back if he doesn’t bother to apologize? You won’t accept that. So, naturally, instead of causing himself a molecule of personal discomfort, he decides it’s in his best interest to kidnap you.

God help you if you’re the type to move on from relationships by slutting it up. Dabi won’t like that other people have touched you. He’ll have to kill them; then, he’ll have to burn some sense into you. Where would you prefer his mark on your body? It doesn’t matter. He chooses your tender inner thigh. Screaming only motivates his effort, so by all means, sing.

“Think it’s hot when you scream for me.” He grins as you wriggle on his grasp. “Should’ve done this sooner.”

If you’re the type to heal on your own, in the presence of yourself and a few close others, your punishment won’t be nearly as bad. In fact, he hesitates to even brand it as a form of discipline. Sure, he still burns you — because you can’t get it in your pretty head that you have the choice to up and leave him a second time — but he makes sure to be gentle. He knows he’s the reason you left; he can’t fault you for it.

“Don’t give me that shit, doll. I know I fucked up. That’s why I’m here.” He murmurs, advancing toward you with a single blue flicker igniting from his index finger. “But be a good girl and bend over the couch for me. I’ll make this quick.”

When he finally takes you back with him, he doesn’t let you out if his sight. He lets you blow up and yell at him. He lets you curse and cry. He doesn’t let you wallow for too long, though. It pisses him off that you’re still acting like being with him is horrible. He said he’d have more time for you now. He said he’d speak to you nicer. What the fuck more do you want from him, an apology? You’re not getting that.

Dabi is delusional in every sense, except he’s a little bit more so in bed. He thinks fucking you will fix things. It always did before, didn’t it? He’d make you cum and you two would forget about your argument. It didn’t even have to be addressed. He’s confused as to why it isn’t working now.

“Not good enough for you anymore?” He hisses between several deep thrusts. “This dick doesn’t stretch you right, princess?”

Moaning is the only correct answer. If you talk back, he makes it worse. He remembers where your pain threshold is. He thinks he can literally drill a good attitude into you. There’s no escaping how terribly deranged he is.

And pretending life is good won’t get you anywhere. He knows you. He’s studied you enough to detect your deception. Don’t worry — you’ll love him for real again one day, when you have nothing but a modicum of your sanity left.

[classicanalyzer]

Dragon Prince S6 Thoughts

"Sometimes the line between mercy and cruelty can be thin." Aaravos and Startouch Elves

Well holy shit, that opening really went from wholesome Viren (who is alive) hugging Terry and celebrating Aaravos’ supposed “lie” to OH GOD CLAUDIA KILLED A CHILD. God, it's really terrifying seeing Claudia give so much to save her father...it really hits home how Viren felt responsible for leading her down this route. The tragic thing is that I think Viren knows deep inside that as of now, he can't help her...but he hopes he can inspire her to turn back. Despite everything she did, Claudia's actions to save her father were all for nothing. She lost a leg and her soul (it is yet to be seen if her soul can be brought back) and yet by the time she reached home, her father died yet again...this time for good. Claudia's screams were really chilling and sad.

At least, Terry is always there for Claudia...though I'm worried about what will happen to him given Claudia's increasing mental dive into darkness and insanity. He rightfully points out how revenge is different from love and how it drove Aaravos to the deaths of God who knows.

I really love that Viren didn't choose to reveal what he did to heal Soren. It would've just caused Soren more grief and pain. That's one of the most best things Viren could have done before his sacrifice. He carries on the absolute shame (I felt chills when I heard how he obtained the last part of the spell) that he caused rather than “pass it on” so to say to Soren.

Viren’s true death feels fitting for him. All this time everyone close to him ask if he was willing to risk his life for another. Dark Magic has ruined so many lives and yet also saved so man in some cases. There is a price to be paid. But finally, he proved that he was willing to do that rather than find some other way to pay the price or back out. This time he paid the price and did a truly selfless action where nobody had to get hurt...other than him. He lived his whole life choosing what he felt was pragmatic and selfish with only a few moments of his good self showing...he chose to finally die a servant of his home. While Soren will understandably never forgive him for what he did to him and the world, he will remember him for his last act of unselfish genuine goodness and living up to his desires of atonement rather than going back. I also love how his last words are the last words spoken by Harrow to him.

"I am a servant. I am a...servant." Viren's last words

That entire ship episode is so hilarious with the meta-commentary. The Celestial Elves were a really cool sub-ect of Skywing Elves. I also love the parallels between dealing with Ice Behmeath in the present and the Magma Titan in the past. Instead of killing the beast which left people killed, they found what made it so sad and everyone lives.

Also Callum and Rayla are back together! So happy and I wished we didn't have the break-up personally but still finally.

I now understand the Soren and Corvus ship, and I approve.

I'm so happy that Amaya and Janai finally got married at last. Too bad Karim had to ruin all the vibes temporarily, thankfully, the two were able to salvage it. Amaya and Janai truly deserve the world.

The build-up to when Ezran and Corvus realizes the true plan of Karim is really chilling.

S6 really has me lowkey ship Ezran and Aanya haha. Two badass, wise, and compassionate young rulers who lost their parents...speaking off, I can't imagine seeing Ezran in S7 now that he knows his kingdom is destroyed.

Sol Regem really is responsible for the events of the show. While it is dark how he died and it's horrible how he was responsible for his soulmate's death, I can't say he didn't deserve his death at all. He was the one who laid the seeds for humanity's conflict with elves and utterly despises humanity. He literally choked and burned on his own element.

Katolis being destroyed made me sad since it was our primary setting in the human realm for 6 seasons.

The Startouch Elves gave me so many Collector vibes. Aaravos really is the Ardyn of Dragon Prince with a bit of Collector and I'm all here for it. Now all that is needed is for him to get a stylish hat and turn the sky into an eternal darkness. Also, Aaravos was really that big in his natural mortal form...which made S5's horrifying reveal of what he said make a lot of sense.

A major theme of S6 and the show is how revenge won't get you anywhere but further metaphorically drown yourself. Another major theme is love (platonically and romantically), whether familial, platonic, or romantic.

S6 really is an amazing return to form, and it felt like the quality of the first three seasons was consistent. I cannot wait for the final season of this saga. I did hear about them wanting to make three more books and I wonder how they can go from here...but I trust them to do right based on S6.

[somedayslater]

i didnt read the last chapters since i discovered it was the end (but i was spoiled by tumblr lol)... i didnt want to believe it... i want to still look forward to new chapters of No Home :(

For the last few years eunyung and haejoon have been my companions. I healed a little while following the story of eunyung, feeling like its ok to be angry and wanting revenge on your family and the society that continues to want to keep you in a "house" where you are mistreated. How the world isnt made for children at all, the absolute unfairness of it all. That you can choose to keep going, and if you do so its ok to keep your distance with what hurts you.

I healed too with haejoon, who came to terms with the fact that he will always be overcome with sadness and grief from time to time, and when that happens he can only let himself feel and wait for it to pass, and try to look forward to the next day.

Honestly this manwha was the best ever. I couldnt read this manhwa as a form of escapism because it was too real. It pulled strings in my heart i didnt know i had, made me question a lot of things about myself, about others, about my relationship with others. It made me have painful discussion with a few people. Following this manhwa, most of the time, was really unpleasant lol. I hated then loved eunyoung, I liked and then disliked haejoon (yeah sorry haejoon, i think you can be really cruel and stupid and i wanted to strangle you a few times in the last arcs (i would NOT be friend with that guy lol) -thats why this character is so amazing). But i felt so much while reading it i wouldnt trade it for anything. It was funny, it was dumb, it was deep, it was enraging and healing, but most of all it was sincere. The most sincere depiction of what being a person in a deeply flawed society is, and how there's happiness even while surviving.

It was so frustrating to see the manhwa go in a direction i didnt want it to go ! I wanted it to become my cozy refuge, where every problems are magically solved, where haejoon and eunyung ends up understanding and loving each other in a cliché way, where theres a new home with my *fave charas* and its a series of feel-good interactions. Instead the problems kept pilling up, most of them didnt have a satisfactory conclusion, eunyung and haejoon kept hurting each other and distancing themselves. Haejoon just cut contact with his father without knowing what were his nefarious motives or without this guy facing any consequences, we dont know if eunyung's parents will keep bothering eunyung unchecked, we dont know if they're going to be happy and rich, or if, realistically, as orphans without generational wealth and deep traumas, they're going to end up in a shitty life situation.

And i couldnt thank wanan enough for this. They didnt take the easy way, the feel-good way, the way that would have given them a probably bigger fandom so a bigger source of money. I'm amazed by how they managed to hold this whole story so perfectly. Not a single misstep. Everything they draw was where it should have been, every action from the characters were understandable (and frustrating lol), the fucking subtlety of the developing relationships, no deus ex machina and no miserabilism. I didnt always agree with wanan's ethic or what i perceived of it (i think stealing or being violent is ok depending on the context, i dont think working hard to earn money is a virtue) but i respect how they choose to present it. I didnt talk about the other characters because honestly they didnt move me as much (except marie), but i love them so much too. I felt sad that eunyung and haejoon didnt become best friend 5ever (or even lovers hehe) but honestly, understandable lol. If i was one of them i WOULDNT become close with the other at all, so its kinda amazing they could still find this level of mutual understanding.

In short, wanan is an amazing story teller.

And an amazing image-composist (have no idea how to say this in english). The artstyle doesnt look like much, but this gave wanan a wide graphic range to convey emotions that wouldnt have been possible with a more sophisticated style i think -how will i forget the red swirlings mixing with eunyung skin ? The expressions, the choice of colors, the choice in showing something in particular without giving a clear explanation on why (often haejoon's surprised or contemplative face, which made me re-read chapters a few times to try to understand what was happening in his big head). It didnt feel like wanan thought their readers were stupid, nor did they play the fake-deep style. It was perfectly balanced.

And so even if i didnt read it, i have no doubt the end will be the same. Im so sad they decided to end this manhwa, but i know prolonging it would have been greedy and that ultimately, the manhwa would have suffer for it. Some authors do that : they have a popular series going on, and for whatever reason they keep writing new chapters without a clear goal and so the story becomes diluted, messy, useless. I love when they do this, because i can say goodbye to a story progressively as my interest in it wans, without feeling sadness or loss. But it makes me not think of the story at all in the future, since everything that was good about it became buried in new shitty chapters. Because wanan didnt do that, i know that i would think of no home for a long while, maybe forever,

,like i really lost companions when no home ended actually. Because it really, really hurts, knowing i wont be seeing new faces of the no home characters anymore. I know it sounds probably stupid ; i feel genuine grief here lol. I want to know what will happen to them, if they are alright, if they found a place in the world... if there is something to look forward after all, and i really dread not having answers every monday anymore. and the fandom is so small i cant comfort myself by re-entering the no home world every week or whatever... does anyone else feel this way ToT ? maybe i should participate myself but well,, i wouldnt know where to begin...

And saying that ! I'm almost never on this blog, i dont really have socmed accounts, i dont participate in fandoms at all. But I spent a looot of time reading and watching people who does -without being connected or interacting with posts or fanfics at all. AND i really want to thank you all for giving me so much material to chew, posts that made me think, fics that made me smile, drawings that inspired me, witnessing interactions that made me laugh. I was and i probably will continue to be a ghost on socmed, but i really want you to know that you had an impact on me and i was looking forward to your new posts (and will continue to!).

the "every no home chapter is a test of my willingness to Not blow my own brains out" and explosion eunhae monday of @skiptoyuri

the regular nohome posters which makes me happy to check tumblr regularly @shimamitsulover @lesbianpegbar @luckyswamps @tomoyoo @cloudbends @t0a2ter @solcarow @dragon-of-timeless-blue

the awesome artists who keep producing bangers nohome art @gohaejoon @maxsolosur @jjd5426 @bnnuycafe @ct-bunny @lentl-soup @fartaycat @jjd5426 @prokkoli @moxymaxing @ginangtan

the nohome posters that i enjoyed running into @pleuvoire @homolobotomized @podoro-vines @fmet @welpuu @revertrate @obstinaterixatrix @kulluto

the artists that made me interested in checking no home @cienfll @craysmo @ant-eaters @idledee @fruiitlins @froqpi-art @201918b @tinfishmeal @ohrsoh @30mingirlfriend

thanks @ditherslam for the awesome fanfics, obviously i read them all and they're some of my favourites. youre an amazing writer and i cant wait for the next chap of "your atoms"!!

thanks @homeless202 for being an insatiable nohome poster for a while (and @grannykombucha !)

im forgetting a lot of others but i really wanted to thank you all for your time, energy, work. i never interacted with your posts or with you but i really want to convey how cool it is that you all contribute to make no home a more well-known manhwa and the fandom alive

thank youuuu (hope the @ are ok tell me if its bothersome ill delete it)

and really, really, thank you wanan ! waaaa i want to cry

[mithrun-house-of-kerensil]

mithrun makes me crazy as a character because it's like he finally seemingly achieves his goal. the demon is dead. but instead of feeling that expected catharsis from it he feels nothing at all and his depression in fact worsens. he becomes a shell. he has no purpose. without this drive he realizes that all he had ever wanted was to finally be consumed because that was the only way he could feel complete. the only way that mithrun seemingly could ever get peace again after what happened to him was to essentially die. to have the lingering part of him that felt want to be eradicated.

and it's like regardless what kind of trauma you see him having, it really hits home that feeling of helplessness that comes with realizing that revenge is never going to heal you. it's never going to be able to undo the years of pain and heal the wounds you have because trauma isn't a stationary event. it resonates throughout your whole life. he was never going to magically get better when the demon died because the damage was already done. the only way mithrun was ever going to get better was if he accepted that he was never going to be able to go back and the only way to go forward was with intention. he was never going to passively or suddenly one day get his desires back, he had to work for it and choose it. recovery takes so much effort and support from those around you, and I think his story was so well done

[sneakyboymerlin]

I have said it before, but Kilgharrah has a parallel-opposite arc to Morgana. His character is redeemed in the same streak of episodes where Morgana goes from an ally to a major villain. While Kilgharrah was often self-serving and manipulative in the first 2 seasons, this changes by the end of season 2 because Merlin chooses to show him mercy after incapacitating him. It’s the first real kindness that Kilgharrah has experienced in well over 20 years. Whereas, when Merlin shows Morgana mercy by making the deal with Morgause to save her after she’s been incapacitated, Morgana returns more vengeful than ever. Back to Kilgharrah, though…

Not only does he indebt himself to Merlin, he comes to see Merlin in an entirely new way. Before, when he would call Merlin kin, it was in the most literal sense—both are creatures of magic, cut from the same cloth, and should be allies. But now, they’ve formed a bond from that kinship (and in a literal soul connection sense, too, no less). Kilgharrah’s plea strikes Merlin with so much force because they’re both now the last of their kind, and Merlin cannot help but consider and understand what Kilgharrah has been through, despite the destruction he’s caused, because it’s happened to Merlin, too. When they see each other next, this is what they have to say:

Merlin: I didn't think you'd answer my call.

Kilgharrah: Merlin, I could not resist a dragonlord, even if I wanted to.

Merlin: I’m grateful, thank you.

Let’s focus on that: “…even if I wanted to.” Kilgharrah did not want to resist Merlin’s call for help because he’s come to care about Merlin in his own way. This development is easily traced back to Merlin’s show of mercy. It cannot be stressed enough: this was the first kindness Kilgharrah had been shown in over 20 years, after rotting away in a dungeon when he was betrayed in every way possible, suffering from the grief of his entire species going extinct on Uther’s orders. And with this one show of mercy, Merlin changed the heart of a creature that everyone had already dismissed as a monster (the same way Merlin sees himself), one who sought his revenge by razing an entire city to the ground. From the start, Merlin treats him as a person: “Why are you doing this? You’re killing innocent people!” No one who saw him as a mere beast acting on its true nature would ask a moral quandary of him. And in the end, this path leads to Kilgharrah being spared, and Camelot repeatedly being saved as a result.

Kilgharrah’s sincerity in his care for Merlin is consistent in later seasons, and is seen in more than just his rescues. In 4x02, he plainly urges Merlin not to sacrifice himself, despite the fact that Arthur’s life (and thus, Kilgharrah’s ultimate freedom) hangs in the balance.

Merlin: Arthur intends to sacrifice himself to heal the Veil. It is my destiny to protect him; you taught me that.

Kilgharrah: Merlin, you must not do this.

He shortly follows this with something we’ve known since Merlin mended the rift between them in 2x13:

Kilgharrah: From the moment I met you, I saw something that was invisible. Now, it is there for all to see […] It will be an empty world without you, young warlock.

Having failed to convince Merlin to let someone else be the sacrifice, Kilgharrah commends him. Not only that, Kilgharrah mourns him.

This is all to say that Kilgharrah’s actions in seasons 1 & 2 should not be the sole focal point for our judgment of him, when he undergoes such an extreme change of character. Furthermore, there is no reason to believe that Kilgharrah’s faith in the prophecies is anything but genuine. Alongside his newfound care for Merlin, his ultimate goal is his own freedom, and he believes that Arthur is the key to that.

Kilgharrah: We need Arthur to live […] Your destiny is to protect the young Pendragon until he claims his crown, and when he does, magic can be returned to the realm. Only then will I be free.

This logic is in line with what occurred in 5x13. Kilgharrah wouldn’t have said or done any of what he does in 1x13 if he did not believe that Arthur’s ascension to king would lead to his own freedom (even if it didn’t take immediate effect). Arthur’s place on the throne made room for an end to the wars, namely the one on magic. Kilgharrah did not make these prophecies up, nor is he the only one to believe in them. Alator and Finna possessed knowledge of the same prophecies, and both believed in Emrys’ vision/mission.

Kilgharrah had great knowledge himself, and tried to share that with Merlin to pave the best path, but he was not all-knowing, and he tells Merlin as much himself. Kilgharrah is merely a messenger, believer, and interpreter. So, he still believes the prophecy has come to pass, even if Arthur did end up dying anyways. The five kingdoms could now be united and magic restored to the land once the war was ended upon Morgana’s death. The prophecy was fulfilled within Arthur’s lifetime, despite the success of Arthur’s Bane. It did not go as Merlin expected, nor how Kilgharrah expected, but it still… went. This is what he means when he says, “No young man, no matter how great, can know his destiny.”

The idea that Kilgharrah simply played Merlin, when he was depending on Arthur as much as any creature of magic, and when he genuinely cared for Merlin as kin, is bad faith conjecture. How they got to the end point still mattered to him (i.e. Merlin must protect Arthur so that he has a chance to fulfill the prophecy), because that potential only existed through Arthur, and they all continued to suffer until that time came. Regardless of the age at which Arthur died, though, he was destined to fulfill these prophecies and return at Albion’s time of need. This, Kilgharrah knew. So is it any wonder that he maintained faith in it even after Arthur died? Especially after Arthur died, proving the prophecies true once again?

Kilgharrah: Merlin. There is nothing you can do.

Merlin: I've failed?

Kilgharrah: No, young warlock, for all that you have dreamt of building, has come to pass.

Merlin: I can't lose him! He's my friend!

Kilgharrah: Though no man, no matter how great, can know his destiny, some lives have been foretold. Merlin... Arthur is not just a King— he is the Once and Future King. Take heart, for when Albion's need is greatest, Arthur will rise again.

No, Kilgharrah did not predict the exact ending, but he did his best to help Merlin bring about the best possible outcome, and he said what he could to comfort Merlin when he was grieving Arthur. Kilgharrah was genuine, and his motives were in alignment with Merlin’s by the start of season 3.

[zeebreezin]

Ever since I was aware of the two endings of Nemesis, I was always pretty certain that Shaw was going to kill Cups. That’s not because I think the Revival ending is worse, innately, I love the tragedy of it & the potential for healing there - but just because I think it would always be worse for Shaw, specifically.

More than anything else, he’s always been a character that’s motivated by guilt, to me. Shaw blamed himself for his daughter’s death way beyond the point where he could logically justify it, knowing what happened. Any world in which Lenore Shaw returns, I feel like that guilt just keeps going. He needed an ending, clear and defined. The ‘what if’s are going to haunt him for a while, undoubtedly, but… Cups would’ve done this to more people, if it had the chance.

Could Shaw really justify taking his own happiness with the knowledge he could be damning even more people to the same grief he went through? No. Even more so, I don’t think he could bear Lenore not remembering him. I think that would cement the fear he’s always had as fact; that he’s a fundamentally selfish person, and that selfishness has harmed everyone he’s ever loved. That’s the path that leads him down the same, isolating mistakes that got Shaw to where he was when he started: alone in a prison cell.

So… he let Cups die. It still feels like a selfish choice, to Shaw. Choosing his own revenge over his daughter - but really, that’s not true. And I think he’ll realize that one day.

When I first started playing Nemesis, I thought this moment would feel more like a hollow victory than it did. The sort of ending where despite getting what he wanted done, Shaw’s still left as alone as when he started - but that’s not true either. Despite my expectations he’s really made a ton of connections in London, thanks to the community, so this whole thing feels so much more hopeful than I thought… because, well, he’s not alone. He’s got so many people there for him. Be it the seven closest who he wrote to, or anyone else who’s shown him kindness… Shaw has something to go back to in a way that I didn’t really expect him to ever get.

For the next while, I’m gonna be giving Shaw a bit of a break - focusing in on other characters and stuff. He’ll be back to do the railway in a little while, don’t worry, this sad man’s adventures aren’t over. But for now, he has an ending. A clearly defined one, at that. Now he gets to begin again.

[matan4il]

911 ep 708 first watch reactions

Oh, poor Bobby.

Seeing him at that AA meeting, his past failures that made him wanna take his own life rubbed back in his face with the intention to hurt, was painful. Especially because you realize Amir would not be saying anything, unless he realized at that meeting that Bobby is the kind of good guy that can be hurt by hearing about the consequences to other people of his own actions. If Amir had gotten the idea that Bobby is the kind of cold-hearted bastard who did not care and could "just walk away," then his whole little speech would have been pointless, and another path for revenge would have been needed instead.

But to see little Bobby, so happy and proud when it came to his dad the firefighter captain, realizing he must have wanted to be just like his hero all these years, really brings into focus how much he must have felt like an even greater failure in his own mind, no matter how many good things he did, how many people he saved, how often he was willing to sacrifice his life to save others', and how hard he's worked to fix the faults that caused this tragedy in the first place. And not just since the fire that killed 148 people, but from the very moment that his drunk dad started gaslighting him, as if the senior (supposedly heroic) Captain Nash's sins were the fault of his son.

"I never counted the survivors."

Why does this show keep hurting me by striking in the places closest to home. :( My grandparents were all Holocaust survivors, and yeah, I know firsthand that survivors are victims, as well as sometimes their family members, too. I'm a third generation, and I know exactly where the Holocaust has scarred my grandparents, my parents and me. I know what the Nazis and their collaborators did, does not stop in May of 1945, and is not close to over in May of 2024. Grief, pain and loss can be like that stone thrown into the water, where the circles that come out of it may extend far beyond the initial point of impact.

What Athena said to Bobby about how it needed to matter to him that he's a different person now than he was back then is so incredibly important. It was a good ep, but at the end of the day, most of us don't get to heal by saving people's lives. We find what we can fix and we do, we choose to be kind with others, we eventually learn that the measure of compassion and mercy we show to ourselves also matters, and we try to find the right balance between all of these things. That last part is probably the hardest. But that's the real work of life, and that one I think is true for all of us, no matter what our circumstances might be.

Thank you for reading! If you’re looking for more, you can find my s7 reactions tag here, and more of my Buddie meta and content in my pinned post. xoxox

[atopvisenyashill]

aegon executing essie and sylvenna is worse than anything rhaenyra has done.

im joking but im also not. that part made me ridiculously upset, even after all the atrocities that happened during the dance and you're one of the 5 people who might understand lmao.

aksjd YOU’RE VALID ANON!!

The young monarch, who had celebrated his fifth nameday only two days previous, was carried back to the Red Keep slung over the back of a horse, chained and weeping. His mother walked behind him, clutching the hand of the Dornishwoman Sylvenna Sand…

His mother, Essie, who had presumed to style herself Lady Esselyn during her son's brief reign, confessed under torture that Gaemon's father was not the king, as she had previously claimed, but rather a silver-haired oarsman off a trading galley from Lys. Being lowborn and unworthy of the sword, Essie and the Dornish whore Sylvenna Sand were hanged from the battlements of the Red Keep, together…

It’s just as bad as Blood & Cheese for me because the cruelty here is the point, just like B&C. Chaining a sobbing five year old up to death march him and his moms to be tortured, and then hanging them instead of beheading them because they’re “unworthy” of the sword so they get a slow death choking to death in front of each other. It’s meant to bring them low, to put them in their place, to build a wall between Essie & Sylvie and the noble class. It’s unsettling I think in part because of the focus on the trio as a family unit, and the “queerness” of it. We get several comments in TWOIAF and F&B bringing focus to how weird they are, how radical, and to have that little spark so brutally snuffed out. It really hurts!!

It’s a wildly unnecessary move too - I whack Jaehaerys constantly but when given the choice to take revenge or heal the kingdom after maegor’s reign, he explicitly chooses healing! he only executes those who tortured his brother, tyanna, and the kingsguard who refused to take the black! he very specifically reconciles with the faith & the warrior’s son by asking them to join him because their crime was attempting to take power in a power vacuum left by the failings of the crown. that’s exactly what sylvie & essie do! but aegon retakes the capital and refuses to heal the damage he and rhaenyra did - instead he makes it worse, turning the violence that had been used on him onto the people who stepped up where he failed AND all this after it was the greens who initially started locking the population of KL into the city like cattle to a slaughter. No way out, no king or queen around, and no blood on Sylvie or Essie’s hands but it doesn’t matter; because they’re lowborn, they deserve to die. To choke to death in front of each other, their weeping wailing son ripped away and made to serve the family who murdered his mothers. To remind him always that he is worth less, that his mothers are lower than shit in the sewer. Unendingly tragic, and so completely avoidable, but again - the evil of it is the reason it’s done.