#me voice: these are the specific things i cannot do and need help with. i have an action plan

[willowfoot]

it’s really funny to me the amount of times I’ve been approached by total strangers in public asking me questions I Do Not know the answer to but I guess I just give off approachable (?) vibes or something 💀

[drchucktingle]

THE TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION HAVE ISSUED AN APOLOGY AND A RE-INVITATION. HERE IS MY STATEMENT

hello buckaroos. the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION have issued a formal statement and apology which you can read at the attached link.

while i find the language used to discuss what was done a little unsatisfying, i would like to start by saying i appreciate anyone taking steps to prove love is real and make things right. the genuine feeling of ‘realizing you have made a mistake and hurt someone else’ is a terrible one, and i have so much empathy for this group as they reckon with their choices causing harm. i appreciate their apology.

i also think more good than bad has come from this situation. i am so thankful this happened to me (someone with a large social media presence) and not a smaller buckaroo author without the means to stand up for themselves. i think the next time someone comes to the TXLA with an accommodation need, they will hopefully be taken more seriously

lets trot down to business about specifics now. the TXLA has re-invited chuck to the original panel and even offered to take a moment at the top of the panel to talk about what happened. this is very kind of them and i will say THANK YOU. 

unfortunately i will also have to decline.

the fact that it took this much effort, social media backlash, and discussion to let me simply EXIST PHYSICALLY in a way that is authentic to myself is not a good sign. if this organization immediately questions an authors chosen presentation in this manner, i cannot imagine what my other accommodations would be met with.

sometimes i am at an event and i very quickly need extra space to breathe. sometimes i am at an event and i need special guides to help me along from place to place. these are not ‘big asks’ and every other conference has gladly provided them, but if the TXLA had this kind of initial reaction to my physical appearance, i cannot imagine them readily helping with my other needs without ‘proof’.

this is clearly not a safe place to trot for those who require additional accommodations. regardless of any apology, their ACTIONS have shown that people who appear unusual or unique are not welcome at this event on a subconscious level. i believe the TXLA have some serious inner work to do beyond this apology, and i believe this inner work will involve actions more than words.

but even more importantly i would like to make this very important point: IT DOES NOT MATTER IF MY MASK IS A DISABILITY AID OR NOT. i appreciate the way this discussion has allowed us to trot out some deep talks on autism and proved love in this way, but i think there is a much more important point at hand.

regardless of WHAT someone looks like, it is not the job of an event or conference to pick apart WHY. physical presentation can be a part of someones neurodivergence, or gender, or sexuality, but i can also just exist as a nebulous undefined part of their inner self. it can be a piece they are not ready to openly discuss yet. the guests at TXLA are authors (aka ARTISTS) and the idea that a conference dedicated to an ART is going to deny people with unique and unusual presentations for ANY reason is absurd. since when are we applying a ‘dress code’ to our artists?

without knowing it, i personally believe there is an element of the ‘good queer, bad queer’ phenomenon going on here. there is a push to say ‘LOOK we accept these marginalized groups and cultures’ but behind the scenes that means ‘we accept these marginalized groups and cultures who are quiet and speak in turn and wear the metaphorical suit and tie’. it is easy to show diversity when you only take on the voices that arent too ‘strange’.

to prove my point i ask you this: do you think orville peck would have FOR ONE SECOND been asked to perform at the texas library association event without his mask?

so with that i say ‘very sincerely, thank you, but i will have to decline the re-invitation. maybe next year’

[rinskazuu]

love me like you do ⋅˚₊‧ 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅

synopsis. ꨄ︎ hsr characters and their voice lines about you as their lover!

characters: ꨄ︎ gn!reader x gepard, sunday (written at the time of 2.5), dr ratio, acheron, black swan, aventurine, jing yuan (separately)

cw: ꨄ︎ established relationship, use of they/them pronouns, use of pet names (beloved, darling, love), implied that reader has the same/relative lifespan as jing yuan, FLUFF :D

notes: ꨄ︎ continuation (more like a spin off) of my genshin lover voice lines lol (it has god awful writing and punctuation. proceed with caution). warning: i accidentally (it really was an accident) turned them into d1 yappers, mb y'all.

GEPARD

about: [name]

“so, you’ve sought me out during my busy schedule to talk about [name]…? i will indulge you just this once, considering they are my lover. what is it that you want to know? ah, before you begin, i must remind you that although you and i are good friends, i won’t tolerate anyone trying to take them from me. otherwise, i will have to resort to methods i wouldn’t normally use.”

chat: family

“you’ve heard of my close relationship with my sisters? yes, i hold them in my heart dearly. the only downside of our relationships is that they tend to nag me about [name] a lot. lynx is always trying to steal them from me under the pretext of help for her next adventure, but i know she loves them almost as much as i do. serval, being the true older sister she is, always scolds me for not taking better care of [name]. i understand her perspective but my schedule is draining, even for me.”

chat: art

“ahem, i would prefer if you didn’t bring up my skills in art, or lack thereof. please, enough with the teasing. you remind me of [name] when they first saw my so-called wanted posters. as i recall, they keeled over, arms clutching their stomach from laughter. i’ve never suffered a bout of embarrassment as bad before. so you’ve seen them too…? please spare me the humiliation.”

chat: flowers

“lynx’s dangerous journeys in the cold can also result in wondrous things, such as the flowers she brings home for serval and i to grow. i admit growing these things are difficult to say the least but i do do my best to raise them until they’re ready to be sent off—to [name] more specifically. i just can’t figure out how to get them to not wither. trailblazer, do you have any experience growing plants?”

chat: duties

“i do rather enjoy my job as the captain of the silvermane guards. i cherish and honor the responsibility, however, the hours are brutal. my constant thoughts all revolve around [name]. thinking about them, but not being able to be in their presence, feeling their touch, or just as simple as seeing them is torture in itself. nonetheless, the citizens of belobog need me—more importantly, [name] needs the protections i offer, and for that, i will pay the price diligently.”

♡

SUNDAY

about: [name]

"most handsome man in penacony? yes, i've heard that before. i'm flattered, but everybody in this universe should know my heart is already taken. you're surprised i have a lover, why is that? as you've said, i am the most handsome on this planet."

chat: jealousy

"jealous? what nonsense has gotten into you? is it that gambler or perhaps his accomplice, the doctor? i should not be surprised they display such impertinence, seeing as that gambler always tests his luck. the doctor should recheck his qualifications and his ego at that. wanting things they could never get. such foolishness i cannot comprehend. are you interested in [name], too? i won't hesitate to oppose you, regardless of our friendship."

chat: power

"the power i hold comes with such responsibility, naturally. i shouldn't be deceitful; i enjoy being in a position of authority. but then again, who doesn't? the only downside is my constant worry for [name] and robin's safety. should a day come where either or both are in harm's way, i will not resist in acting on my power. i have high hopes that the people of penacony should not resort to violence against my beloved nor my dear sister."

chat: dreams

"it shouldn't come as a surprise that the dreamscape is nothing new to me, seeing as i hold the responsibility of the safety and entertainment of many in my hands. oh, did you not mean the dreamscape? hmm... my dreams often carry beautiful memories of my beloved. [name] appears equally as comforting as they do in the realm of reality. all entities and beings cease to exist when i am within their presence."

chat: problems

"is something troubling you? inner demons... yes, i'm rather familiar with them. such a world without personal problems is so close, yet so far out of reach. if it is advice you seek, i suggest maybe confiding in a close friend or better yet a lover. sometimes it feels as if my very being is precarious, within the bounds of falling apart, but all is well when [name] is with me. they soothe my demons, hushing them as if they were never there to begin with. i am subjected to this... forlornly feeling whenever they aren't near."

♡

DR RATIO

about: [name]

"you speak in high regard of my lover i see. as expected; [name] has that effect. one where they attract all kinds of people, that of which unfortunately includes those who are reduced to stupidity. why are you surprised my beloved is someone like me? are you implying i would ever associate myself with an idiot? here i thought you were aware of my character. no matter, i'll let it slide because you are not prone to foolishness. should you make another mistake, i'm afraid i'll have to distance myself..."

chat: intelligence

"what makes a genius versus an idiot, i often find myself pondering. it certainly isn't the knowledge you gain because then again, an idiot cannot comprehend idiocy but can acknowledge the subject of math. it is the unlimited creativity in oneself and their intellectual ability. a prime example of brilliance is none other than my lover, [name]. their originality and innovation is something to admire, truly."

chat: free time

"solving equations with my lover is something i cherish. their tenacious behavior certainly puts up a challenge for me and i would ask for no other way to spend my time. books and bathtubs suffice as well, i suppose."

chat: nuisance

"to think i was enjoying my time when you just had to bring up the gambler. that nefarious man knows no bounds. i was very well aware of the way he was eyeing [name]. as if that man can even make sense of their beautiful being and mind. i've had enough. if you could make your exit, i would be the utmost grateful."

chat: bonds

"i find it rather difficult to... connect with others because there is no shortage of stupid people in this world. if i were to pick, i'd spend the rest of my time with [name] but that's already a given. i suppose you'd make a decent second option. blushing? hmph. be serious, that act is not even in my vocabulary."

♡

ACHERON

about: [name]

"on my journey throughout the cosmos, my encounters with others were never necessarily nuisances. rather, they were precious. but just like all moments in life, they are only a distant past; too far out of reach, too far out of my mind. the same cannot be said about [name]. for every minute i spend with them, i will fight to remember what it is i truly cherish in this world."

chat: memories

"it is true that my memories fade, much like the rain; very visible in the moment, but as days pass it will unite on the ground, vanishing before it is forgotten. however, the importance of rain is akin to my feelings toward my lover. it may one day be a mere bygone, but the feeling will never wane."

weather: rain

"like all little things in life, [name] finds it all fascinating. i cannot share their enthusiasm, but i do share a bit of their contentment when it comes to the weather. as the skies darken, it can form a shroud of fear toward one, yet comfort for another. the little droplets creating rivulets of water on the ground. so insignificant, yet so beautiful, the latter a lot like my lover."

chat: company

"no matter the reason, all travelers in this world are alike, their own purposes driving them to each and every corner of this cosmos. i am glad i do not have to suffer my fate alone, for it is not entirely filled with hardships. [name] is not just my lover, but my companion and it fills me with joy beyond my understanding that they will withstand any storm by my side."

weather: lightning

"a bold and bright strike in the sky, severing it ever so slightly. it is beautiful and brief, yet so powerful. i like to think the fondness i show [name] is much like lightning. i believe actions hold a larger importance than conversation, but for my lover, my words are endless."

♡

BLACK SWAN

about: [name]

"is it without a doubt my most radiant memories are with none other than my love. so, you've met [name]. by your expression, i take it that they are just as dazzling as i'm proposing. would you humbly allow me to capture your memories with them? i can assure you it's all in good's name; after all, i must oblige by my lover's safety. i wish you could see your appearance. i apologize for the scare, it's all meant to be humorous."

chat: memories

"as a memokeeper, it shouldn't be a surprise that i enter many minds. some minds are putrid; the memories i see are only vile acts of selfishness or egocentrism. others are broken, hard to explore and understand. there are minds which contain honorable deeds and acts of heroism, such as yourself. [name], however, their mind is brilliant. i could exhaust you for the rest of time just by simply sharing what i've learned from my lover, but the term brilliant should suffice. hmm? well, of course. i only entered their mind with their authorization."

chat: time well spent

"memories are integrated in my very being. even this body is merely a vessel only to serve my purpose. one day, the inevitable will come and we will all cease to exist. perhaps on the path there i will outlive my lover. in other rare cases, they may live on without me. memories are eternal and we shall all live on in the reminder of what once was."

chat: fate

"do you believe in fate, trailblazer? it is one of, if not the only, inescapable pieces of this world. what is to come is predestined. it is within my comprehension that [name] and i were bound to happen. the lights of destiny shine at me once again."

chat: time

"like the past and present, the future will hold many resplendent tales. i look forward to the stories [name] and i will share. whether it inspires a romantic and grand story or a simple poem, i will continue to dance with them until the stars begin to grow dimmer and dimmer."

♡

AVENTURINE

about: [name]

"my interactions are always based on transactions, but there's more to [name] than what meets the eye. i admit, our relationship started as a one time self-indulgent on my part, but as usual, i only invest in deals that pay off. don't bother trying to steal my darling. i mean, if you wish to do so, you can try, but remember i'm the lucky one here."

chat: luck

"i've never doubted my luck. it's as simple as it sounds—everything requires strategies and planning, even if it boils down to fate and luck, and who am i if i'm not lucky? my most treasured possession is none other than my beloved, of course. no game or bet could satiate my desires as they do."

chat: chips and gambles

"each chip has a different value, as does a person. the highest chip of profit are those who are beneficial. again, everything requires planning, but sometimes i like to revel in making a simple wager. you are easily a valuable chip, hence our cordial relationship. naturally, there are worthless ones and then there are priceless, one-in-a-million ones. my darling effortlessly tops the list."

chat: schemes

"you call it a scheme, i like to call it a master plan. with my bets, chips, my pawns in one place, and fate smiling upon me, it's hard not to win. it's as i say; the best plan is the smartest plan. how else do you think i have my lovely [name] by my side?"

chat: wins and losses

"my greatest loss was one you've heard before. i have no interest in repeating it, but i'm sure you remember what happened to my home planet. as for my wins? i've got plenty. you seem indifferent to hearing them, so i'll give you an easy answer: [name]. my greatest treasure and win is my lover. why are you surprised? high rewards always follow high risks, and they are no exception."

♡

JING YUAN

about: [name]

"the xianzhou species and natives, as you know, have longer life spans. the things we see from our day to day life often begins to blur. rather, more accurately, it begins to mesh with the background. it becomes, dare i say, mundane and dull. however, it amazes me how i still love life with [name] as my lifelong companion. my lover, who's been with me for centuries, makes my days and nights much more livelier."

chat: bonds

"yanqing is my disciple and subordinate. at his young age, he shows many promising features and skills. it is a shame that although he may be an excellent swordsman and lieutenant, his behavior often reminds me that he still a child. what warms my heart is his attachment and endearment to [name]. with my duties, i am often in the seat of divine foresight, so i cannot entertain either of them when i mostly yearn for it. i am filled with glee knowing [name] is there to care for him, and likewise."

chat: a day of work

"it is without a doubt that my work is utterly boring. it is not to say i don't love my home planet, but the work i do on a normal day to day basis is... tedious. early mornings transition into the peak of the day where it then drags into the long, wee hours of the night. thankfully, i have my beloved, [name], to amuse me. sometimes, they'll sneak off in the middle of work just to come see me, which delights me to no end. i'm fortunate to be able to see their lovely face first thing in the morning."

chat: worry

"i, as one of the arbiter-generals, have a lot to worry about regarding the luofu and the planet as a whole. there is chaos to be dispelled, questions to be answered, and a seemingly endless amount of help to be distributed. hmm? you were asking about my personal worries. well, there was a time where i was just a cloud knight, coming home when the sun was long gone with bruises etched into my skin and blood littering my armor. my greatest worry is having to see the fearful look on [name]'s face again, frightened for my safety."

chat: associations

"long gone with the wind were my old comrades and friends. like the sun sets, it's natural for more winds to blow my way. come new adventures, i will pursue new companions. one i will clutch onto for the rest of my days is [name], the most precious of them all. it goes without saying that they are whom i treasure the most, who i seek in my darkest moments, who i confide in my happiest moments with, and who i share my every being with."

end notes: ꨄ︎ i was going to include luocha, but my brain juice ran out. i typically listen to their EN voice lines on youtube (even if i have them) before figuring out what to type to get a better grasp on their canon personality, but uhm luocha was too vague as is. plus, we don't really know much about him (still love him)

[shares-a-vest]

Wayne shuffles to the door, desperate to answer the incessant knocking that sounds like whoever is on the other side is going to beat the exterior fly screen straight off its hinges. He is greeted by Claudia Henderson, clutching her handbag strap tight across her chest and looking very serious.

Although it might just be his sleep-deprived inability to gauge the emotions of chipper 9-to-5 receptionists who wear cosy sweaters. He checks his watch. He’s only been asleep for about an hour after getting home from night shift - what with waiting for Hurricane Eddie to finally head off for the garage.

“Hello, Wayne,” Claudia nods and purses her lips.

He scrubs a hand over his face but steps back nonetheless to let her in. Claudia is one step in the doorway anyhow.

“Coffee,” he not-so-much asks as he moves to the kitchen.

“No, thank you,” Claudia says politely, “I usually wait for my morning tea break.”

He looks over to find her pulling out his assigned chair at the breakfast table. She looks nervous, if a little pissed off as she gathers her handbag up on her lap. He blinks harshly and pinches his nose enough to press his forefinger and thumb into the inner corners of his eyes. He really needs to wake the hell up a little more, it appears.

“What did Eddie do?” he sighs, looking over the drying rack on the sink for one of the mugs he has in his rotation at the present time.

“Oh, Eddie hasn’t done a thing!” she insists, a smile evident in her voice, “I’m here about Steve.”

Cubs mug it is then...

He frowns again and turns back to Claudia, confused. And the woman looks like she was expecting such a reaction because she huffs and straightens up, looking like she is readying herself to give a sermon on the kid.

“I need you to help me convince that boy to move in with Dustin and me,” she explains, promptly holding up a defensive hand, “Now, I know he stays here, mostly This isn’t about anything to do with you… Or Eddie…”

She tacks that last mention of his nephew on with a tone and a knowing look.

Wayne clears his throat. It’s certainly far too early in the morning for the ins and outs of that conversation. He flicks the kettle on to drown out the awkward silence between them.

“Have you uh...” he hums and scratches the back of his neck as he searches for words, “Have you talked with him about this, at all?”

Claudia squeaks out a noise he assumes is a negative as he quickly spoons coffee into his mug. He’ll settle for black coffee for now - he really cannot be assed to stand up for much longer, even if he did have the sense to quickly step into his comfy slippers when Claudia came a-pounding on the door.

“And you want my help specifically?” he says, raising his voice above the steaming kettle that is whistling away in boiling readiness.

“Yes!”

He waves a hand in the air, “Well, what about Robin?”

“Oh, gosh, no! I can’t talk to that girl,” he barks a laugh that makes Claudia startle in her seat, forcing her to clarify, “I mean she is a steel trap about that boy!”

Wayne smirks and nods as he heads for the table with his piping hot - and hopefully, heavily caffeinated - beverage, “He’s not the biggest talker when it comes to himself.”

“I’m not one to speak ill of other mothers,” Claudia says in a hushed tone, “God knows, I am not perfect. But where are his parents?”

She rocks a little with each word like she has needed to ask that question for a good long while. Of course, Wayne thinks about Steve’s parents. A lot. Because the boy almost never mentions them.

He shrugs, “He says they stayed away on business.”

“After everything that has happened in this town?” she argues, voice growing shrill with worry, “Did he tell you what actually happened with the mall fire? It was more of that other dimension nonsense!”

He almost chokes on his coffee. He knows a little - there was no way around it with Eddie in the hospital surrounded by all those secret nurses and doctors. But he didn’t know Claudia Henderson knew about some of it too. Still, he decides to remain cautious and gestures for her to continue.

“And he’s been concussed more times than he can remember!”

She slumps back in her seat with a look of such horror, Wayne thinks the sweet woman sitting opposite him considers it her closing argument.

Wayne taps on the rim of his coffee cup. They would have to tread carefully, not ambush the kid.

“He does get a lot of migraines - ” is all he can think to say.

“ - And he has dizzy spells,” Claudia cuts in, leaning forward. He can see tears starting to well up, “I just want him to be looked after. I know he’s a young man with his own life and everything, but he still needs a parent to care for him, to support him.”

“Yeah,” Wayne nods firmly, “Yes, he does.”

[unloneliest]

can't stress enough that unitarian universalism rules and it wasn't anything to do with the faith itself or a single individual that made me stop going. it was a result of the massive difference between how the youth and adult offerings are structured that results in new adults who were raised uu having absolutely no options to continue accessing the type of spiritual community foundational to their spiritual practices. & the specific ways i was continually shown by the established adult community at my fellowship that my needs & the young adult community's needs as a whole did not matter.

it has been a really long time since the anchorage unitarian universalists broke my heart like longer than this blog has existed but i'm going to [current city]'s fellowship today for the first time to see if there's a home for me there and i just like. want to tell you guys

[gay-dorito-dust]

Jason with a masc s/o who CANNOT stop stealing his jacket, he puts it down for ONE second and it’s already on them and they’re all snuggled up in it, so happy and cheeky

This’ll probably be short.

‘Hey chipmunk have you seen-‘ Jason didn’t even need to finish his sentence when he saw you, all warm smiles and giggles, hogging the very jacket he had been looking for the entire morning.

Jason couldn’t help but smile at your happiness in being in his clothing and would happily watch you indulge in his jacket for the rest of his life, but still he had to ask, ‘are you having fun with my jacket are we, jacket stealer?’ His eyes flash with mischief as he saw your posture straighten up at the sound of his voice.

‘Jason.’ You groaned. ‘You don’t really need this specific jacket do you? You’ve got tones in your wardrobe.’ You defended as you gripped his jacket that fitted you perfectly and as warmly as a loving embrace that you never wanted to leave, that and Jason’s scent lingered within the material, that of which helped you sleep easier at night with the knowledge that he was there with you in another way.

‘You mean your wardrobe?’ Jason retorted, ‘it’s no wonder I can barely find anything of mine because you’re hogging it for yourself, leavening your beloved man with nothing to stave off the unforgiving cold.’ He pouts as he acts as though he was freezing by rubbing up and down his bare arms, making you laugh as you wandered over to him from your bed and hugging him by the waist, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

‘It’s not my fault that you have the best jackets that you keep lying on the floor, they’re just begging me to be picked back up and loved again by being worn, by me specifically.’ You defended yourself with a cheeky smile as Jason held your face and peppered your face in kisses, making your chuckle while at his mercy.

‘You’re lucky you’re cute,’ Jason murmured as he continued to pepper your face in kisses and nuzzles against your cheek and neck, ‘real lucky but I’ll get you back sooner or later for being a little jacket stealer.’ He says once he pulls away but made sure that you were still very much kept pressed up against him, just so he could shamelessly see just how good you look in his jacket.

It was unfair just how good you looked right now that Jason didn’t mind you hogging all his jackets, especially if it meant he could walk in on you wearing them as though you were against the idea of ever parting from something that belonged to him, him! If that wasn’t enough to warm his own heart then he didn’t know what would, but Jason wasn’t about to complain when you were Mel then willing to show your adoration to him by wearing his clothes, even if he took it off for five minutes, you were quick to keep it warm and loved as though you were loving him through the fabric.

So Jason was already coming up with ways to keep having you snatching up his jackets, hoodies and clothes and wearing them as though you’d never get the chance again. It’s become his favourite thing to witness in his life and he wanted to see it even more often if you’d let him, which he’d hope you would for as long as your with him.

[teojira]

[Sweetheart] [Noa x reader drabble]

Summary: Noa comes to you and asks what a specific nickname means, one that he found in a book

Word count: 850+

Warnings: Noa having feelings for reader and he's once again fighting for his life.

A/N: this SUCKS but it's been in my notes app for far too long and it's almost 1k words that I cannot scrap, this is a weak piece but nonetheless, I hope someone enjoys it!

Noa has been introduced to the term "sweetheart" when digging through some of Raka's stash of books the orangutan had left behind. The Ape had decided to take a trip back to where he first met him to see if there has been more to learn from his late companion. And to this surprise, there was.

Many more books that Raka has deemed fit to be left behind. It was a good thing in hindsight, Noa figured. He could ask you about the words and their meaning, for you to teach him how to read it and comprehend.

The first book he has popped open seemed to be a picture book with very few words, like the one he has seen at the human base.

There were two echoes dancing around one another, seemingingly lost in one another's gaze from what the Eagle clan leader could tell.

'You are my sweetheart.' The script said, interesting. Tucking it into his woven bag, Noa mounted his horse to head back home.

"Echo." Noa murmured, walking slowly from behind you.

You looked peaceful, the orange glow from the fire lighting up your features as you rested, a bowl of berries sat on top of your thighs.

"Welcome home, Noa." The smile you sent him was enough to make the ape trip over nothing. It was embarrassing. It made him feel like a child all over again.

After correcting himself, he eased himself down to your level, crouching to meet you.

"Need your help." Signing with one hand, moving to grab the book from the sling it was fastened in.

Your body subconsciously leans into his space, something you were usually mindful about. But he has been gone for a few days, leaving by himself along with Eagle sun and his horse.

"Why can't I come?" Huffing, you're staring at the back of Noa's head, trying your best to not let the anxiety of him leaving overtake you.

"Too far, might be dangerous." Noa shook his head, moving to strap his spear onto the horse's saddle. He knew if he turned around and looked at you, he'd cave and bring you with.

Don't turn around. Don't turn around. Don't turn. He can't take you, he can't.

The warm hand on his back is enough to make a shudder, his shoulders tense as your small hand ever so gently pats at the fur there.

"...be safe." Your voice sounds small, and only then does he turn to you, taking you in.

"I will."

It was weird being without him, you've grown so used to him being by your side.

You managed just fine despite what your brain would have you believe. You had taken on helping with the eagles in Noa's stead. Feeding, watering, making sure they come to roost at night and securing them.

It did little to keep your mind off of Noa, though. Just making you miss the chimp all the more.

If He had any issue with you in his personal space, it wasn't apparent, letting you cozy up to him.

Leaning a bit further, you peer at what's in his hands.

"Oh! You found a book?"

He hums at you, delicately cracking the small book open, careful with its worn pages to flip to the end where he found the weird name.

"What does-" He points a finger down at the word. "Sweet heart. Mean?"

"It's just an expression, a nickname." Picking up a berry to toss it in your mouth, chewing softly as you watch Noa compute your words.

"...nick..name?" He stutters over the word, raising an eye bridge.

"It's way to call your loved ones a special name. Sweetheart is one of them."

'Do you like it, being called that?' He signs, turning his body to you, taking in just how pretty you look in the fading sunlight, his eyes trained on your lips.

"Well, no one's ever called me any before, so I don't know."

You seem embarrassed, your body immediately going into defensive mode as you curl up.

Noa can change that, he thinks.

You don't think anything of that conversation after a few days past, figuring it was just another one of Noa's questioning about humans.

It isn't until you're grooming the horses, scrubbing at their coat, and ensuring that they're clean that it gets brought up again.

"Sweetheart!" A loud voice all too familiar calls out, making you jump out of your skin and drop the brush in your hands.

Whirling around, you see that it's the Eagle Clan leader himself, making his way towards you with a smile on his lips, his bright eyes trained on yours and he has a extra carrier around his shoulder, no doubt for you.

"Noa?" You're trying your best to fight off the blush that rushes to your cheeks, but it's useless. Hopefully, he thinks it's due to the heat that you're flustered, god willing.

This begins Noa's continuous use of the term. It replaces him calling your name at this point.

Sweetheart this, sweetheart that, for anything you do together, he makes sure to slip it in, loving how you react to it, that you immediately answer to him.

Anaya once tries to call you the nickname, knowing full well that Noa is flirting with you the best way he has learned how but gets shut down instantaneously, Noa playfully putting him in a headlock, huffing as he shakes his best friend.

"My Echo. Mine. Not. Yours."

[twola]

Would it be possible to get some high honor!Arthur x reader thigh riding? 👀 Love your characterization of him!!

Y'all want the heck out of this specifically. I have three requests for the same thing! Here you go😚

Thank God for Whiskey

Arthur Morgan x F!Reader Smut (18+), MDNI ➵ Fic Masterlist ➵ AO3 Link

Thank God for whiskey.

No, specifically, Arthur Morgan wants to thank a God he had never thought much of to bless him with whiskey tonight. It’s warm in his belly - the calmness of slight inebriation coursing through veins.

Your blush-stained cheeks are downright adorable as you reach toward him, leaning against that tree. He was not in the most social of moods tonight, smoking a cigarette further away from the campfire than usual. You float to him, your path not quite a straight line, but your eyes shine with just the right amount of gaiety.

"Mister Morgan, why are you out here by y'self?" Your foot glances against a root of the large tree and you stumble forward, and immediately Arthur drops his cigarette to catch you, his hands quickly circling your waist, steadying you and helping you to stand again.

"Watch out there, sweetheart. Almost took a tumble there."

"Nuh-uh, you caught me." You laugh, your hands moving to grip his forearms, "Knew you would."

"Now that's puttin' quite a bit of faith in me." He retorts, but does not remove his hands from you. You do not remove your hands from him.

"Some goddamn faith." Your voice lowers to imitate the boisterous leader of the gang, but you can barely finish the sentence without devolving into giggles.

Arthur snorts, half a grin sliding across his face.“C’mon, should get you to bed there.”

"Nooo, come with me. Wanna show you somethin."

Somehow, some way, you’ve dragged him further away from the campfire, back a bit into the woods. You point to a fallen log in the small clearing and he chuckles as he follows your order.

"Now what did you want to show me?" Arthur groans softly as he sits, his back sore from a day in the saddle.

You smile, stepping closer to where he perches.

"Nothin, just wanted to do this." You lean in immediately, before he can recoil and press your lips to his for a moment.

He stares, flabbergasted, but that gives you the opportunity to climb in his lap without any resistance, your hands grabbing greedily at his shirt as you perch yourself on one of his legs, facing him.

At that point, he gains just a bit composure and grabs your hips as you yank on the black bandana he has tied around his neck. Your lips mash together again, and after several moments, one of his hands trails up your back to wrap around the nape of your neck as he opens his mouth to you, and you greedily accept with a loud moan.

He cannot help but to groan in response, his tongue pressing into your mouth as your arms fly around his shoulders.

Thank God for whiskey.

He loses track of time there, tongues pressing against each other, his hands roaming all over your back, yours carding through his shorn hair.

It isn’t long until your rocking your hips atop him, and when you give a whine as you fully straddle his saddle-hewn thigh, he swears he goes lightheaded as all of his blood runs south.

Christ, you’re moaning like a whore as you dig your fingers into his shoulders, dragging your cunt along the hard bone of his femur. So damn close to his steel-hard cock, your thigh brushes it and his teeth carefully latch down on your shoulder. He needs to stifle the groan threatening to escape somehow.

You pant in his ear, whining in a needy high register as you thrust your hips back and forth, aided by his large hands clenched around your hips.

“That’s it, c’mon there darlin’, I know you’re gettin’ close.” He rumbles into your skin, tone husky and voice rough.

Christ, he’s getting close himself. Your desperate mewling and grinding of your cunt down on his leg has got him bucking up to meet you, his fingers digging into your skirts.

“Ar- Art- ngh - Arthur-” You moan, and he cups your ass fully, dragging you over his thigh.

Thank God for whiskey.

You’re goddamn beautiful when you come, your head thrown back, hips thrown hard against his leg, he swears he can feel a dampening spot on his trousers from your cunt.

One large hand flies up from your hips as you begin to still and yanks at your blouse, exposing the swell of your breast. He immediately moves his lips upon it, a mouthful of your skin stifling the groan as his hips buck up. He pulls you with his other hand, your thigh flush up to the bulge in his pants, and you whimper as he sucks on your breast hard.

A ring of teeth make indentations in your skin as he bucks up and spends himself in his pants.

It’s a moment before he unlatches his mouth from your breast, skin spit slicked and red.

The two of you stare at each other, panting, hair askew, breathless. Suddenly sober enough to realize what you had just done. Your slick noticeable along the seam of your bloomers. His spend cooling within his union suit.

Arthur internally curses.

Shit, did you regret what you just did? Was the fire in you just the whiskey burning off? Of course it was, how could a pretty, sweet little think like you want an old, washed up outlaw like him?

You frown slightly as he can feel his cheeks burning red with shame. In an instant, your hands move from his shoulder to the collar of his shirt, and you yank him into a smothering kiss. He is only surprised for a moment before his hands fly to your ass again, and he pulls you flush against him. Maybe in the morning, you’ll blush when you look at him with that pretty little smile.

Maybe you’ll wake up in his arms.

Thank God for whiskey.

[axtonorian]

I know I said I was nervous about word vomiting on here but I really NEED to talk about Eclipse. Specifically what's happening and leading up to his breakdown.

I wanna talk about everything leading up to it. Moving dimensions, the dead kids, Ruin showing up, the stuff with Lefty and Captain, The mimic, Puppet, Charlie. There's so much that's been going on in his life during the past...5-7 months? And I just have to talk about it.

The reason I bring up moving dimensions as contributing to the breakdown and stress is, change is hard. Moving is hard. Even if you want to move or go somewhere else it can still be overwhelming. Not only that but he had to meet all these new people that, at first, he hated and wanted nothing to do with them. Not only that but because of Sun and Moon he was basically forced to deal with his own trauma and get over it to help these two goobers who couldn't even communicate normally. He also had people constantly coming into the theater, which was supposed to be somewhat his space, and asking him for help and needing him to do things. Which had to have been stressful. Then the lab was supposed to be his space but everyone else found that too and went in without his knowledge.

Then the murders started happening. Everyone was stressed out all of the time, but he especially. I don't think that the situation was worse or easier for anyone involved but his upset was the most noticeable because it felt a bit out of character. We weren't really used to seeing him so vulnerable yet? Even with him helping Puppet and Earth it was still kinda weird. But the more it happened the more in character it felt. It was easy to tell he was not well. He's never really been well but he was doing a bit worse. I don't think anyone ever really addressed to each other how all the kids were affecting them. Eclipse, Sunlight, and Puppet are all THE WORST at doing this. I don't put Moonlight in this list because I actually think he's pretty good at talking about what upsets him and getting his emotions out, from what I've seen. But they should've talked about it. Especially Eclipse. He definitely felt useless during that time because he couldn't save some of those kids. And it's essentially happening again. His kids are in danger because of THE SAME MURDERER + another murderer and he feels useless.

There's so so soooo much grief and anger piling up that it's crushing him. The Mimic showing him what "could've been" if only he had tried to talk things out or hadn't been so "stupid". Losing Puppet, FC and Foxy leaving him behind to pick up the pieces of what happened. Trying to take care of Charlie and trying to get two of his kids back. He hasn't even finished Andrew, Jake, or Andy's bodies.

Now onto the breakdown itself. It started before that call, you could hear it in his voice. Then William gave him two weeks and Roxanne walked in at actually the perfect time. If she hadn't showed up he might not have gotten to let his emotions out the way he needed to. Then he started projecting on her HEAVILY and you cannot convince me otherwise.

"Is it in your nature to screw me over?" -This one might be pushing it but he's always been in his own way. Eclipse has always had an issue with getting out of his own way. Keeping himself from making good healthy relationships with people, putting up walls, overworking himself until he gets like this.

"You're such a failure." -Saying that to Roxy didn't make any sense. What would've made her a failure??? This one sounds A LOT like him telling that to himself just out loud.

"Got some more brain-dead ideas in there?" -This goes with the previous one. Eclipse has made a lot of plans in the past three years and they almost always fail or just get ignored. Specifically with Puppet and giving her a different alternative instead of dying or telling William that he can get him a different body and William saying he wants that body.

"Suddenly you care?" -This one is a big one for me. Eclipse said he doesn't understand why he cares so much. Like this man has spent the last 2-3 years "not caring" about anyone and doing whatever he wants. Killing and torturing whoever he wants or anyone who has wronged him in some way. Then he started getting close to people. The first being Earth. I think she was literally the first person (that he didn't make) to genuinely be nice to him and try to help him. Then there was Puppet followed by FC, Ballora and everyone from that dimension, excluding Lefty and Captain, our Monty and his kids. Even if it's been about a year since he helped Earth and started caring it still seems to be a foreign concept to him.

Then there's when he starts talking about how he's supposed to know what to do "be the best" and stuff. "I'm supposed to be good at this." "I'm supposed to be good at this stupid thing." "I'm supposed to find them." "I'm not supposed to struggle." "I'm supposed to be the guy who finds stuff, who gets it done, who kills, who gets stuff situated." this reminds me of Nexus. He felt like he was supposed to be what Old Moon was and more even if no one told him he had to he that way. I don't think anyone has told Eclipse he's supposed to be the best or anything except himself. Maybe that stems from when he was Moon. Just something that came with everything else. There's a lot of "I'm supposed to" going around.

And when he started talking about his Kids is when it seems like it starts to sink in for him. The way his voice sounds and the hesitation paired with forcing his voice to say what he needs to say. Then he goes back to "I'm supposed to be good at everything." He's so frustrated and so stressed out. Frustration is literally I think one of the worst feelings for me because it feels so infuriating and it can happen so often. Even just the build up of small things inconveniencing me can make me break as badly as he did. Being frustrated sucks. Especially when it's something as big as his kids.

Another thing I want to point out is that he says "If I can't find them, who can?"

He doesn't realize there are people who CAN help him and are probably willing to help. Like Monty or Ruin. Both are smart enough and could help. And if not anyone from the dimension he's in, maybe someone from the main dimension. Genuinely I think I would go insane if he actually asked for help from someone in the main dimension. The first option is definitely Monty since those two get along. Solar is a BIG maybe but I bet he would understand especially with everything that just happened with Jack. Might not be willing to help all the way but could give hims some outside ideas. Personally I think it would be huge if he asked Moon. It probably will literally never happen but Moon is EXTREMELY intelligent and idk that's just something that would show a lot of growth for the both of them. Again it's like literally the least likely to happen.

But he's putting so much pressure on himself when there IS OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE AS SMART AS HE IS. MAYBE SMARTER??? That can help.

Not only that but he is terrified that Andy and Jake are going through what he went through when he was stuck in his head during the Mimic situation.

"They're stuck in their heads. Their body just being used like a tool."

Eclipse was a tool. He was stuck in his head and was a tool for someone else who would've just killed him eventually or toyed with him until he snapped. Thinking that someone else might be going through that sucks and even worse thinking your own kids are going through that? Without knowing how to help?

Now the part I wanted to talk about THE MOST.

"I'm not a dad. I can't ever be a dad. I can barely take care of myself."

Oh boy. This. This hit hard.

Taking care of yourself is hard. Keeping yourself healthy and alive and well is difficult. The world feels like it's against everyone. Pair that with suddenly having to take care of other people? Small people who are more vulnerable to getting hurt or lost than you are? That's terrifying. That's really really scary. It's even worse when you believe that you can't do it or don't deserve it. Now times that by four. This mf really is a single dad who just got four kids dropped at his doorstep with absolutely no instructions or any idea on how to take care of them. Not only that but he's extremely bad at taking care of himself. Thank god he's an animatronic cause I think if he was human he would be dead.

I think he wants to be their dad. He wants to hang out with them and teach them and help them be healthy people.

He can also kinda connect to them in a way that's like...his life was basically taken from him. He never got the chance to be someone on his own. He was just a killcode that went rogue. All his kids also had their lives taken from them. All of them were robbed of a childhood. Both Andrew and Andy were murdered in probably horrific ways. Jake died from cancer at a young age and Charlie was taken from her life and put in an environment that literally poisoned her and eventually killed her.

But he does want to be their dad. He just doesn't think he can be. Parenting is one of the hardest things anyone can do. You are responsible for this person until they are an adult and can take care of themselves. You are responsible for making sure they can take care of themselves. You're responsible for making sure to teach them how to be a good person and what empathy is. Teach them what kindness is and help them become someone who helps others. Help them become someone that can be special to someone else. How you treat them can affect how they treat EVERYONE they will ever meet or ever have any kind of relationship with whether that be romantic, platonic, familial, etc.

He already feels bad about how he's taking care of Charlie. He doesn't have time to help her but at the same time parenting is about making time for all of your kids. Even then it's still hard. Eclipse has so many examples of himself failing to do things and its taking its toll. If you feel like you failed at everything else what's going to make this time different?

Everything, all of it, is sinking in. To him the whole world is on his shoulders. He has to fix everything and he doesn't understand that he can't. That there are other people who can help. And he's scared. There's a deadline. That deadline isn't like failing a class or getting fired. That deadline determines whether or not someone gets to live or dies in a horrific or gruesome way.

The fact that it took him THIS LONG to have a full on breakdown is insane. It takes so much strength to make it that far while holding it in. He's changed so much and has grown so much and oh my god the amount of stuff going on is crazy.

ANYWHIZZLEE...that's my rant. Wow that is a lot. I genuinely love this character with my soul. I love the way he developed, I love how complex he is, it's just amazing to me. I love most of the characters Davis plays and I love the whole story as a whole. Does any of this even make sense??? 😭😭😭

[candycandy00]

Once Upon a Time - A Sukuna x Reader Fanfic Part 2

Retold fairytales featuring the JJK men! This is Sleeping Beauty featuring Sukuna! After your parents are killed, leaving you as the young queen, you hire the mysterious and violent Sukuna to be your Captain of the Guard to protect you from an evil fairy’s curse. You’re in love with him, but he just keeps refusing you! 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Read Gojo x Cinderella Here!

Read Choso x Rapunzel Here!

Read Toji x Snow White Here!

Read Higuruma x Little Mermaid Here!

Smut. 18+. Fem Reader. AU. Reader as Sleeping Beauty, Sukuna as her Captain of the Guard. Somnophilia (sort of). Paralysis (sort of). Rough sex.

Any feedback is adored! Dividers by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more and @benkeibear.

It’s a very strange sensation, falling into your supposed “deep sleep”. You can still hear everything going on around you, Sukuna yelling your name almost angrily, as if he can intimidate you into waking up. You can still feel everything too, his arms holding you, then lowering you to the floor. It feels like he’s cradling you in his lap, but that would be ridiculous. You suspect that if your eyes were open, you could see everything too. 

It’s not so much a deep sleep as paralysis. You can’t move, can’t speak, can’t even open your eyes. But you’re very much aware of everything. 

You feel Sukuna’s palm tapping your face in a light slap. “Wake up!” he shouts, then grunts as if frustrated, then calls for more guards. You listen as he commands one of them to fetch a doctor and another to inform your advisers. 

“Is the assassin still in the castle?” one of the guards asks. 

“It was the fucking cat!” Sukuna yells. Then he says, “There it is! Grab it and snap its neck!”

No! Briar did nothing wrong! He didn’t understand!

You want to scream the words but you can’t. 

You hear a sigh next to you. “Wait, she likes the damn thing. Just find the needle in its fur and let it go,” Sukuna says. 

You feel immense relief. You’re sick of things dying because of you and your curse.

“I’ll put her in her bed,” he tells the others, and you feel yourself being lifted and then carried. A few seconds later, you feel the softeness of your bed beneath your back. You miss the warmth of Sukuna’s arms though. 

Over the next hour, multiple doctors and advisers visit your chambers, some trying to help, others just curious to see the curse in action. 

Sukuna stays in the room, occasionally speaking even though he rarely talked to these people before. Is he… doing this on purpose? To let you know he’s still here, watching over you? No, he doesn’t know you can hear him. 

At some point one of the advisers asks another, “Should we try waking her? The former king and queen told us about that method.”

A hush falls over the room, then Sukuna says, “So you know how?”

The other adviser says, in an uneasy voice, “Her parents were told a specific method, and they told us, in case something happened after they died. It’s a bit of a sensitive topic.”

You listen intently. You knew there was some secret method of waking you in this situation, but no one would tell you what it is. Instead, your parents and later the advisers had looked extremely uncomfortable as they told you not to worry about it. 

The first adviser who broached the topic clears his throat. “To awaken the queen, a man must… lay with her… intimately.”

What?! 

You hear Sukuna’s voice again. “So someone needs to fuck her?”

“Er… yes, Captain. That is correct. We find it uncomfortable to discuss, as you can imagine. She is unconscious after all, and cannot give her consent.”

A third adviser, a woman, speaks up then. “Remember what she told us before? I believe her exact words were, ‘I don’t care if the method involves letting every person in town piss on my face, do whatever it takes to wake me’. I think we should honor her wishes, regardless of how distasteful we find it.”

Yes! That’s the choice I would make for myself! 

One of the male advisers asks, “Who will do the deed?”

If you were able to, you would be holding your breath. There’s a pause, then Sukuna speaks again. “I will.”

!!!

“You?!” one of the advisers asks incredulously. “We can’t allow a violent barbarian we know nothing about to-“

“Wait,” the lady adviser says, cutting him off. “This ‘barbarian’ has saved our queen’s life more times than we can count these past three months. And everyone in the kingdom can see that she has a certain… affection for him. I believe she would choose him herself if possible.”

Yes! Yes! Please don’t let anyone else touch me! It has to be Sukuna!

After some more discussion, the advisers finally all agree to let Sukuna try to wake you. You hear their shuffling steps as they leave your chambers. 

************************

Sukuna looks down at his sleeping princess. Laid out on her bed, dress spread around her, she looks more lovely than ever, more innocent. 

“Hey, you’re not really asleep, are you?” he asks, standing over her bed. 

She gives no response. Of course she doesn’t. 

He leans over her, placing his knee on the bed beside her and his hand on her calf, slowly sliding her dress up. Her cheeks redden, and Sukuna laughs. 

“I knew it. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been with you too much lately, or if it’s a side effect of the curse, but your thoughts are coming through to me. Maybe not in words, but I’m feeling the gist of it. Like earlier with the cat. I felt that you didn’t want anyone to kill it.”

His hand moves further up, dragging the hem of her dress up high enough to reveal the fresh set of frilly panties she’s wearing. “I also felt it when you got all excited about me waking you up, how it has to be me.”

Her skin feels hot. He can feel her sense of embarrassment. “Oh? Getting bashful now?” he asks, untying the laces of her corset. “If you prefer, we can let someone else do it. Or we can just let you sleep for a while…”

The word “no!” flashes through his brain, radiating from her. He grins. “So I’m good enough to wake the princess? I’m not gonna lie, having you so helpless, unable to move or speak, is turning me on.”

He rips open the corset and pulls it off her body, then pulls the dress over her head, moving her limp body as he needs to fully strip her. Once she’s completely naked, he stands back to look. 

She’s more beautiful than he imagined in those nights when he jacked off in his bed, picturing her whimpering beneath him. The night he saw her pleasuring herself, the room had been dark enough to conceal much of her form. But now, with every lantern in the room lit, he could see her in all her glory.  

“Don’t tell me not to stare,” he says, sensing her thoughts again. “I’ve been waiting to get a good look at this soft body, bare and spread out for me. My eyes are feasting.”

Her whole body is flushing. She looks so delectable. How did he resist for this long? When he heard the method for waking her, he knew it had to be him. Despite his reluctance to bed her, the thought of any other man touching his adorable princess, seeing her in such a vulnerable state, made him want to stab the nearest living creature. 

And he knew what she wanted. Even without her thoughts somehow flowing into his mind, he knew she would rather die than let anyone else see her being weak and helpless. 

He strokes one hand over her face, wishing he could see that defiant look in her eyes again. He leans his face down close to hers, remembering how she looked earlier when she thought he was going to kiss her. That look of anticipation, of longing… it had almost made him crack. He can feel her emotions now, flooding his own thoughts. She wants this more than anything. 

He kisses her lips, pressing his tongue into her mouth to lick every inch of it, savoring the sweet taste of her. While still locked in the kiss, he slides his hand up and gently pulls one of her eyelids open. 

****************************

The light almost hurts your eye, but you adjust quickly. As you guessed, you can see when your eyes are held open, and right now you see Sukuna’s face hovering right over yours as he kisses you, his own eyes looking straight into your one open one. 

He grins into the kiss, then pulls away. “Your pupil just dilated. So you can see too.”

You wish he hadn’t broken the kiss. You’ve been craving it for so long. But then he releases your eyelid, letting it close before you feel him climb onto the lower end of the bed. His hands appear on your legs, spreading them apart. Ah! It’s embarrassing to be opened up so lewdly before him, even if you’ve wanted him for months. 

“I bet your sense of touch is much stronger with your eyes shut, huh? Every sensation that much more intense…”

His voice is like velvet as you feel his thumb rubbing up and down your slit. “You’re dripping, princess. This pretty little pussy is drooling for me.”

Your heart is racing, your breaths coming quicker. 

“It’s just too bad I can’t hear that sweet voice of yours moaning while I do this,” he says, then his fingers part your folds, and you feel his hot, wet tongue glide over your open pussy. 

If you could move, you would be arching your back, bucking your hips from the electrifying pleasure that shoots through you. His tongue circles your swollen, defenseless clit teasingly, one of his fingers sliding inside you. Your rapid breaths are getting louder, your body desperate for his tongue to hit the right spot. When he laughs, you feel the vibration of it, and you think this must be some form of torture he’s devised. 

“Getting impatient, princess? This poor little clit feeling neglected?” 

If you could, you would be begging him to get on with it, to just lick your clit already. But you can’t, and his tongue continues to move all around it. Finally, his tongue withdraws, and a second later, you feel his teeth graze over the tender little bud. 

Your body sucks in a sharp breath, the pleasure almost too much to bear. Then his lips close over it, suckling it as his tongue runs over the tiny tip. All the while, his finger is plunging in and out of your tight hole. 

You cum right then, your helpless body twitching beneath him as pleasure washes over you in waves. Oh, how you wish you could cry out his name. 

Sukuna withdraws his finger and moves off the bed. You hear fabric rustling, and picture him undressing. It’s not fair! You’ve wanted to see him naked this whole time! 

He laughs again, and you remember that he can sense what you’re thinking. “You want to see me that badly? Maybe I’ll be nice and show you.”

His fingers are at your eye again, peeling back the lid to let you see him standing over you. Only his bare torso is visible, but it’s enough to get you heated again. He’s absolutely gorgeous, with a perfectly toned, muscular body and those tantalizing tattoos running along his whole torso. 

“There’s something else you need to see,” he says, and his voice seems to drop the teasing, almost playful tone for a moment. “There’s a reason I kept turning you down. I didn’t want to wreck you. But now we’re in this situation, and there’s no avoiding it.”

He lets your eye close for a moment, and when he opens it again, he says, “Have a good look, Princess. Still think you can handle me?”

It takes you a moment to process what you’re looking at. He’s holding something in his hand, something that should not be that big. Something the size of his arm. It’s an absolute monster of a cock, hard as stone and pointing upwards, clear fluid leaking from the fat tip. 

Oh god, forget wrecking you, that thing could kill you! 

As he lets your eye close once again, you feel him climb back onto the bed. He must sense your fear, because he pushes your legs up and apart and says, “I’ll try not to hurt you. Too badly.”

This position is too obscene! He holds your legs back, your knees nearly touching your shoulders, leaving you more vulnerable than ever. You feel the tip of his enormous cock prodding at your slick little hole, and you shudder. 

Then, he begins pushing the massive organ into your warm, soft, pliable body. 

Ahhh, it’s too big!

You feel one of his hands on your face. “What happened to all that bravado from before?” he asks. “You were so desperate for me to fuck you, so sure you could take me. Now you’re getting what you wanted.”

There’s a softness to his voice that doesn’t match his taunting words, and despite it all he’s moving slowly, slipping into you inch by inch instead of plunging in all at once like you imagined. 

Even so, the stretch is painful, and a whimper escapes your lips. 

“Giving up already, princess? I thought you were tougher than this.”

I’m not giving up! I want you even deeper!

He opens both your eyes this time, his thumbs sliding your eyelids up. 

“You sure about that?” he asks you, red eyes looking as wild as the day you met him. 

Yes!

He grins. “There’s my brave little princess.”

I’m a queen, not a pri-

He suddenly shoves in, still holding your eyes open, still staring into them, as his cock fully sheaths itself inside you. Your body jerks, your breath catches in your throat. If you could scream, the whole castle would hear it. 

“Your pupils are really dilating now!” he says. 

It hurts, but at the same time, the feeling of being so full of him excites you. He lets your eyes close again, and for a few moments he remains still. Then, he begins moving, slow and easy at first, but giving way to deeper, harder thrusts. 

He groans above you. “You’re tight as fuck! I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold back if ever stuck my dick in this little virgin pussy!”

He hits a spot that has your body spasming around him and tears leaking from your closed eyes. 

“There it is… I found your weak spot,” he says. “You like it really deep, don’t you?”

Oh god… it feels so good! 

Your mind is going blank, pleasure and pain mixing so deliciously as he does whatever he pleases with your body. 

**************************

Sukuna can’t stop himself now. The feeling of her unbelievably tight cunt clenching him everytime he plunges in is overriding all his willpower. 

“Fuck… never had a virgin… take me this deep before…” he grunts out, intentionally hitting the spot that has her limp body shaking. 

Her thoughts are spilling out, broken and choppy, barely comprehensible: “want more… want you… love you… hurts… feels so good… go deeper… cum inside me…”

He reaches up to caress her face again, leaning in to run his tongue across her lips. “I will, princess. I’ll fill you up so good.”

She cums again, her pussy clenching him in a vice grip, her mouth gasping for air, and it’s the most lovely sight in the world. 

“It’s time for you to wake up,” he says, his voice going uncharacteristically soft. “Your kingdom is waiting for you. I’m waiting for you, my queen.”

He thrusts in so deep, it feels like he’s become a part of her, before releasing his seed, shooting his thick cum into her quivering pussy. 

Her eyes snap open, she breathes in deeply, staring at him in wonder. Then her arms wrap tightly around his neck as she leans up to kiss him. When she pulls away, she gives him that haughty look he’s come to enjoy. 

“Took you long enough,” she says. 

He grins. “You’re acting awfully high and mighty for someone who just came on my cock with tears running down her face.”

She flushes and averts her eyes, and he realizes he can’t feel her thoughts anymore. Ah well, not like he needs that to know how she feels. 

He slowly pulls out and sits up, looking down at her exhausted body. She’s still shaking slightly, breathing hard. It makes him want to take her again. But he has other pressing matters to take care of. 

“I’m going into the woods to find the old fairy,” he tells her. “And I’m gonna chop her fucking head off. She’ll be sending regular assassins now that the curse didn’t work. She’ll never leave you be until you’re dead.”

His queen sits up in bed, grasping his arm. “Take me with you!”

“Of course. I don’t trust these weaklings to protect what’s mine. Let’s go on the offensive!”

[nina-ya]

Three Times You and Law Almost Confessed and The One Time That You Did

A/N: I did a similar thing with Sanji here Part 2! Pairing: Law x Reader CW: None, fluff, the mildest Punk Hazard/Zou spoilers I dont even consider them spoilers WC: 1158

The banquet had come to a close, leaving everyone in a state of exhaustion. People were sprawled out in various positions, sleeping soundly in unconventional places: on the floor, at the banquet tables, and even atop one another. You and Law, however, remained the last ones awake. Seated together, your gaze was fixed upon the star-studded sky as you engaged in a quiet and intimate conversation about life, finding comfort in each other's presence.

As the minutes ticked by, the gentle lull of the night began to take its toll on you, and your eyelids grew heavy. Before you knew it, your head gently fell onto Law's shoulder, your eyes fluttering shut as sleep took hold of you. Law shifted slightly, draping his fluffy blue captain's coat over you to provide extra warmth. He then glanced down at your peaceful, slumbering form, his eyes tracing the contours of your features with affection.

Law couldn't help but find the courage to voice a confession he had long kept concealed. His lips parted, and he took a deep, steadying breath as if preparing to speak. Finally, in a delicate whisper, he admitted, "You know... I like you... a lot." His heartfelt words hung in the air, but they were met with silence on your end as you continued to sleep, completely unaware of the confession he had just shared. Law, a man known for his unwavering confidence and strength, was left a vulnerable and silent figure, only able to confess his true feelings when he was sure you couldn't hear him.

-

-

-

The night was vibrant and filled with the effects of a few too many drinks. You navigated the Polar Tang's corridors with a rum bottle in hand, your steps unsteady, until you eventually stumbled your way into Law's private quarters. Without a thought or even bothering to knock, you barged into his room. He looked at you in disbelief, but before he could utter a word, you made your way toward his desk and plunked yourself right on top of it. 

The scene was a comical one, as you engaged in a drunken conversation with Law, who watched your drunken antics with a mixture of amusement and mild exasperation. Amidst your ramblings, the conversation took an unexpected turn towards the topic of love interests. Your alcohol-fueled state prompted you to declare, "You know, I actually really like someone." Law leaned in closer, a flicker of curiosity dancing in his eyes as he asked, "Who's that someone?" Your response was on the tip of your tongue as you began, "I really like—" BOOM, the abrupt sound of something or someone crashing into something rather hard rudely interrupted you. Law swiftly dashed off to investigate the commotion, leaving your confession hanging in the air, unspoken for the time being.

-

-

-

You entered Law's quarters, the dim light casting a soft glow on the array of books, notes, and papers that cluttered his workspace. With his instructions in mind, you began your search for a specific notebook he had asked for. You picked up a notebook and started flipping through the pages, scanning for any signs that it might contain the information he needed. After a brief moment, you determined that this notebook wasn't the one, and you carefully placed it back among the others. Little did you know that if you had flipped just one more page, you would have stumbled upon a hidden treasure of emotions and love confessions scrawled across the pages.

If you had turned that final page, you would have found Law's private thoughts laid bare, the depth of his feelings revealed. One of the passages might have read:

“I wish I had the courage to admit these feelings, to let you in, but I am held back. Why? Do I think you’ll reject me? Am I just not ready to love or to be loved. Who knows, yet, I cannot deny the truth: I love you, and I always will."

But in that moment, the notebook remained closed, its secrets hidden, and the confessions unspoken. You left the room, unknowingly leaving behind the heartfelt sentiments that had the power to change everything between you and Law.

-

-

-

The moment had arrived. Law was preparing to leave for Punk Hazard, while the rest of the crew was bound for Zou. Everyone had exchanged their heartfelt goodbyes and well-wishes, but you found yourself unable to offer a proper farewell. As the time grew near, you could only muster a wave and a strained smile before quickly retreating to the crew's quarters, refusing to watch him depart. The weight of emotions was simply too much to bear.

The creak of the door broke the silence, and you quickly turned your head to discover who had entered, attempting to wipe away any stray tears that had escaped. It was Law. In the silence that enveloped the room, the two of you locked eyes, tension growing so thick that you could cut it with a knife. He then started to walk towards you. As he drew nearer, each step seemed to chip away at your facade, and when he finally reached you, your resolve shattered. Tears flowed freely from your eyes, and your sobs wracked your body, shaking you to your core. Without a word, Law pulled you into a tight embrace, allowing you to cry into his chest. The sound of your sobbing filled the room. 

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you pleaded, "You can't go. You have to let me go with you!" Your voice wavered, the desperation evident in your words.

With a heavy sigh, Law spoke gently, "You know I can't let you do that."

"Please come back soon, come back safe. I need you to come back safe. I... I need you," you managed to express through your sobs, your emotions pouring out.

"I'll come back," he reassured you, his voice firm and resolute. "Look at me." With a gentle grip, he lifted your chin so your gaze met his. There was a moment of hesitation, his lips parted and he took a breath as if getting ready to speak, then, without words, he closed the distance, capturing your lips in a kiss that was nothing short of a desperate embrace.

It was a kiss born of need and longing, an exchange of emotions that left both of you breathless. His lips moved against yours with urgency, and you responded with equal passion, clinging to him as if he were your lifeline. 

As he pulled back slightly, his warm breath brushed against your lips, "You better stay safe, because I will come back.” There is a pause between his words, “This can't be the first and last time I get to kiss you," he confessed, all of the unspoken emotions flooding out in that moment. The promise of a passionate future reunion lingered between you, leaving you both with a longing that would only intensify with time.

[tactical-jellyfish]

Watcher 1-1

Part Eight

Warnings!: The 141 will be criminally stupid, fumblers, all of them. Death (canon-typical), Violence (canon-typical), loss of limb (I will cover the symptoms as well as possible, but any and all corrections are welcome) They do get kissy, but no smut (that I'm writing, but it's very much implied).

Warnings for this specific chapter: Clear depiction of severe emotional distress, a very strongly-worded recommendation of transfer that will be heavy. If requested, I will section it off and add a TLDR, but it is very plot relevant.

Days seem to pass much faster when you have things to do with your time.

Wheeling around in your new chair. Learning how to switch from your chair to your bed to the toilet. Finally getting the dignity of tossing your bedpan in the biohazard bin, blasted thing.

Slowly, the inner workings of the simple lock Keegan gifted you have become a second home to your (formerly) achingly empty hands.

It's become your latest single-minded obsession, even if the tools are frankly, garbage and the lock is now your single closest companion. Maybe second to Keegan.

Speaking of, the man himself gently interrupts you halfway through another round of single-pin picking, gently tugging your reddened thumbs into his much less callused hands, frowning at you as he gently pries the lock from your fingers, pick still in the keyway.

"Jeez, hun."

The gentle tangling of fingers is what follows, as Keegan horsed around in his pockets for at least a minute, silently swearing at his own clothes until he produces a small band-aid and some ointment for your not-even-broken skin.

"You know, you're not going to need to use-"

"Shut up. You're hurtin' yourself."

His voice is just a little more firm, and, for just a second, you're quiet, and it makes the nurse seemingly regret the words and correct himself.

"I'm sorry, that was-"

At that singular second, you simply have to say otherwise, you've got to tell him that no, he didn't upset you, he never would. He couldn't ever do that, not to you. Never.

"No."

The force in your voice is the thing that makes him pause. Truth be told, it also surprises you.

"N-I- I'm not mad with you. Not with you, never. I would never be mad with you for trying to help me."

The blue eyes that look into yours make you weak. Uncomfortably so. You shouldn't be this weak, you should be strong. This time, not for your own interest. This time, it's for Keegan's.

He deserves someone who can keep themself in check.

You aren't fully sure how much time passes while you're staring into those endless pools of blue, or what exactly the man before you is thinking, until the tender wrappings of his accented voice are flooding back into your ears.

"Do you know what it is that you do to me? By being the person that you are?"

Oh.

Oh, dear. The way your cheeks are hot is not something you had been accounting for. This was not planned.

"Keegan-"

"No, no, listen."

You do. Dammit, you listen to him. You finally abandon your pride and look at him, really look at him, and see the single most daunting sight you ever have.

That is a man who is devoted. And it is scary, but not in the way you expect it to be. Because this look is not familiar to you. It is new and it is potent. It makes your chest ache in a way that makes everything in your body stutter before it starts chugging again.

"I'm going to put on the ointment. And I'm going to put the bandage on your finger, alright? And then, I will ask if I'm allowed to kiss you, because I really want to."

Your body is getting ever more fuzzy and hot and wiggly in all the ways you hate but cannot ignore. Your heart is pounding. Your mind is reeling. You know this feeling, but you don't want to admit it.

"Alright."

It feels disingenuous. You feel terrible, like you're lacking every ounce of vulnerability that Keegan offers to you. Like you're taking and not giving back.

He smiles, just a little. Only a little bit, it's a simple twitch of his lips upward, and you catch it.

"Good."

Keegan's hands are efficient, but you've seen him practice sutures and the like in front of you, and you see him nearly slip as he wraps the raw skin of your thumb in the fabric bandage. He's going faster than usual.

"You're rushing."

"Yeah, well, I really wanna kiss you."

Thank goodness that he isn't looking for the blush on the cheeks or the way your eyes are a little bit wider than they usually are. Keegan chuckles, and gently holds your callused, scarred hands in his own.

"You know you don't have to. You can say no. I'll never ask again."

You're still sitting there, one leg down and actively trying to start your brain back up again. No one's ever said something like that to you before. Sure, it was always implied, always written in little letters between the lines, but Keegan seems incredibly willing to just... give that power over to you.

You seemingly don't answer fast enough, and the nurse slowly eases himself back, out of your space.

This kicks off what you can only describe as a panic response.

Your arm moves so fast it bumps the lock to the floor, but that does little to deter you. Your hand finds short-cropped, dark hair, and pulls the nurse forward until your lips are crushed together.

It isn't gentle. It's not what someone like Keegan deserves, and you cringe when your teeth clack just a little in your desperation.

"I'm sorry."

Are the first words out of your mouth when you pull back just enough to say them, bashful and flustered that you'd been so easily picked apart by any odd nurse who bothered to really pursue you.

His grin is wide and boyish, even if his lips (chapstick-moisturized, you noted in that desperate second) are a little shiny with spit.

"Don't be."

The peck that follows might be the single best thing that's ever happened to you.

Two big, gentle hands are holding your face, stroking your hot cheeks like he's soothing a bird fresh from the cage, taking your frayed nerves and twisting them back together.

A quiet noise comes from your throat, though its foundation isn't immediate pleasure, not like it used to be. It's a grateful contentment, quiet and almost unstated except for that.

Keegan smiles against your mouth, and kisses you again. Not any harder, or deeper, or any of those bullshit words that say he wants any more. Just the same, almost loving press that is quickly lowering any of the remaining walls that surround your too-fragile heart.

You have no idea how he's done this. You don't want him to stop.

Unfortunately, a very familiar clearing of the throat sounds from the doorway. A voice you know, well.

"Glad to see you're making friends."

Laswell. Fuck.

Keegan is quick to efficiently end the short coupling of your mouths, and look up to the woman, sheepish.

"Real good friends, ma'am."

You should smack him for that, but some part of you that has become frustratingly understanding knows what it is he's doing. Taking her attention from you, funneling it into that stupid joke and hoping she'll have mercy on your pathetic ass.

It's admirable, and Laswell must catch the way you look at him, because she just sighs.

"Yes, well, you can kiss later. I have things to discuss with my soldier, so it really would be great if you-"

Keegan hauls ass. The door is shut before she can even finish talking, and Laswell shakes her head in a way that seems less disappointed and more... amused, almost.

"That settles that."

She sits in the chair next to your bed. You turn to face her, stump forward and leg folded over the edge of the terribly uncomfortable surface.

You watch her glance down, in sympathy or in pity, you're not sure.

"I'm on pain meds."

Her brows pinch, and she lets her head drop a little. Like she doesn't like what she's about to say to you.

"I know, peanut. I'd have everyone here out for malpractice if you weren't the closest to fine you could be. Just- God, this is a mixed bag."

You raise a brow, and she starts to elaborate.

"I've talked to doctors. Odds are, you can go back into the field, if you want to. If everything goes well, you could probably pass selection for the SAS or Special Forces again."

The smile that you hold is tempered by the fact that she doesn't look overjoyed by this. No, she still looks upset somehow. But you also know Laswell doesn't lie. At least, not to you.

"Something is wrong. And you don't want to tell me what it is."

She sighs, and pinches the bridge of her nose. Not out of annoyance, but some sort of empathy.

"No. I really don't want to, but I've held it back for too long already, and I know you'd like it if I came clean."

You nod, after a brief hesitation.

"You've been transferred out of the 141."

She lays it out there, plain and simple, and you're silent.

It makes so many hurtful things click. The emptiness of the small counter next to your bed. The reason none of your teammates have come to visit, why you haven't even gotten calls.

Because you really are a liability. Too slow, and now one leg down on the competition.

Laswell pipes up before the pain can entirely take you over, pulling your mind from the rapid downward spiral it was gearing up to take.

"I want to tell you now, that I read the letter that recommended the transfer. It was a load of shit, and I hate all of it. But, it got the brass on board anyway."

"I... also want to tell you that, for your own good, I'd steer clear of talking to any of the boys for a time." She gently sets your phone on the small "nightstand" beside your bed, again, almost hesitantly.

"They're a bit... heated, right now. Last I heard."

You can't talk. Or, if you can, you really don't want to. Your throat feels tight, and your eyes feel hot, and it's all too much. But you look up at her anyway, and she tried to give you the closest thing to a smile she can muster.

"Take your time, alright? You've always been a good soldier. Better than people think."

Laswell stands, then. You do nothing to stop her as she leaves the room, but you hear what she says to Keegan at the door.

"I don't know you, but they clearly do. Don't do something they don't deserve."

The instructions ring through your hollowed skull as you look toward the linoleum floor in front of you, and see the lock.

The fall must have bumped it just right, because it's open. This time, the pick looks like its stabbing into the cast-iron body.

First chapter | Previous chapter | Next chapter

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I remember you did character opinion bingos of the twst charas, has your opinion changed significantly for any of them since then, whether positive or negative? Since it’s been awhile since you first made those and many stories have been released after that

[Referencing this tag!]

It’s hard to compare characters using Bingo boards, so I’ve included the current version of my personal character tier list for your reference. As I tend to say when I discuss my character preferences, these are just my opinions and are not meant to invalidate your opinions.

To answer some commonly asked questions (as I inevitably get these every time I reshare my tier list):

Why I don’t like Vil

Why I don’t like Skully

Why I don’t like Malleus (there’s multiple posts for this one; please see my pinned post and scroll down to the “I noticed that you don’t like Malleus. Why?” section to see the whole collection)

As for characters who have shifted since 2022:

Cater went up a tier. I explained why I don't like Cater in this post; it essentially boils down to him being a clout chaser and his annoying lingo (which is only made more frequent in the localization). However, Cater showed significant self-reflection and character growth in book 7. He also showed me a lot of his "cool" side, particularly in Ace, Trey, and even Riddle's dreams. You can read more about what Cater does specifically in these segments in this post and this post!

Jack went up a tier. I have always thought that he was lacking in character compared to the others in the cast. It doesn't help Jack's case that I also don't enjoy his design or general character traits or him being one massive friggin' DOG. However, Jack's dream in book 7 sheds some much-needed light on the extent to which he admires his dorm leader--something which I felt was not fully explored in book 2. You can read more about what exactly goes down in that dream here. I also must attribute some of Jack's ascension to @/tinyfantasminha, who has a really unadulterated appreciation for the big fella. It's been really enlightening listening to them explain why they love him so much.

Kifaji went up a tier. This is not so much because of anything Kifaji did in canon, but moreso because Leona's dream made me reevaluate my previous understanding of Kifaji. Dream!Kifaji has the distinction of being the first non-antagonistic NPC and actively pleads with the dreamer to "open his eyes". While this isn't something that the real Kifaji is doing, I think the mere fact that Leona's psyche manifested the grand chamberlain as his voice of reason implies Kifaji played a bigger role in Leona's upbringing than he would like to let us believe. For as much as Leona bitches and moans about the old man... It must have been Kifaji his main ally and source of comfort in the palace. With his father ill, his brother caught up in royal duties, and the other servants resentful of him, Kifaji was the one playing chess with his second prince, supporting him emotionally in his time of need. When I think back on Tamashina Mina, too... Kifaji doesn't shame Leona for things he cannot help. Yes, he tells Leona off for not respecting traditions or behaving rudely, but he doesn't talk down his abilities. No, Kifaji actually recognizes his talent and intellect, unlike the other servants who cower in fear or hold up the first prince instead.

Sebek went up a tier. Bro really made out like a bandit in book 7; he's the one person who gets consistent character development throughout its monsterous 290+ part run thanks to his interactions with the other first years centering him and that promise made during the farewell party early in the book. We also have Lost in the Book with Nightmare Before Christmas to thank for extra content which allows Sebek to shine and demonstrate his growth.

***Book 7 conclusion UPDATE:***

Lilia dropped several tiers. I felt that although he is a loving father, he too often enables Malleus's worst tendencies. It happens so frequently it got to the point where I could no longer tolerate it.

Not really a character going up or down, but I axed the "love ya <3" tier which previously existed above "unfortunately enjoy", as I felt it was just not a good use of space to make a tier entirely for one character. By that technicality, Jade dropped down a tier. The more I thought about it, I realized he really annoyed me in Azul's dream by wasting time. Jade also hasn't gotten any interesting content as of late, so I feel like that also contributes to my shift in feelings.

... Honorable mention goes out to Trey, who almost dropped down a tier simply for an uncomfortable implication his dream had 😭

If you're curious, other characters that have changed positioning from 2020 to 2022 are:

Jade went up a few tiers. He basically shot up to replace Azul. His personality ended up being what I had expected Azul's to be. Bonus points for being a butler (one of my favorite archetypes).

Azul dropped several tiers. He used to be my favorite character (around the time of Twst JP's release), but he fell from grace after Azul was revealed to have a much... "squishier" more bulliable true personality behind his cool, collected persona. Just not a fan of this type of character.

Leona went up several tiers. Book 2 was an awful first impression for him. Most other showings are MUCH better. If you want an extended explanation of my own journey with learning to accept this asshole, please see this post.

Idia went up a few tiers. My opinion of him mainly improved after book 6 and Glorious Masquerade. I like Idia primarily when he's being a good big brother figure.

Rook dropped down a tier. Leona has basically claimed his old spot. I think I just became a little annoyed that he doesn't get much expansion of his lore/background. I get it, part of his appeal is that he's mysterious. Still frustrating that we barely get to know anything about him, even when we get to literally see inside his mind/dream :/

Malleus dropped down several tiers. I was pretty neutral on the guy when the game first launched, feeling like I didn't have enough information on him to make a judgment. However, the longer the game went on, the more and more I found myself really disliking the guy (again, you can see my extensive reasoning for this in my pinned post's FAQ section). Even if the ending to book 7 is somehow perfect in every way, I don't know if it would drastically improve my opinion of him.

[dilfdemolisher]

ETERNAL - Hannibal Vampire AU

Summary: Recently turned by your physiatrist after being found on the brink of death causes more then emotional turmoil when you can no longer fight the feeling of hunger - Comments and critiques are encouraged.

Content Warning: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT, cannibalism, gore, it's implied the reader attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts, manipulation, implied death

Word Count: 1.4k

You shake your head in disbelief. “This is ridiculous. I did not consent to this.” 

He smiles, “This specifically? No, but you did consent to be bitten. It is not my fault you are regretting your choice.” 

You cannot stand his smug satisfaction that he draws from your discomfort. 

“I wasn’t given full specifics of what this would entail, and I was vulnerable and incoherent. Someone on the brink of death doesn't understand things clearly.” 

He steps closer; you can’t help but tense at his body nearing yours. "You said yes because you trusted me, and why should you stop now?” His chilly hand cups your own cold cheek. 

Everything is so firm, as you’ve noticed since you turned. It makes you so inhuman that you’ll never get to appreciate warmth again—no hot baths, no more feeling the sun’s heat on your skin. You are now chained to a cold castle, inhabited by a cold, cruel man. 

“You transformed me into a monster; you’re the last thing I’d ever want to be, and you’ve cursed me with just that.” You insult while looking into his eyes. It’s hard to believe you once admired him as an intelligent, handsome man. But now, when you look into him, you understand what a dark, hollow man he is inside. 

His nails dig into your cheek slightly. You feel that he should pierce through your skin, but despite the pain blooming, your cheek stays taught, and no puncture wounds form. 

The physicality of your transformation continues to surprise you. The cold skin that covers your body reminds you of porcelain in a sense; it’s impossible to damage without shattering, causing complete destruction. 

Nevertheless, you are persistent in your standing. “I was your patient; it was your goal to keep me sane. You failed and corrected your mistakes, once too late.” 

After stealing a moment to observe you, he pulls away. “You’ll cave much sooner than you expect; I can already smell your hunger.” He says before walking away, leaving you alone with your thoughts and drying throat. 

Hannibal was right. You’re caving. 

At first, your mind started reeling at the ways you could most ethically eat. But it didn’t take long for morality to leave you alone, perpetually cold and hungry. 

The noise in your brain is consuming you and is now too loud to ignore. It claws at your stomach and mind; it didn’t take long for you to start wailing. You falsely assumed you could go much longer without eating, like a reptile or spider. But it’s only been days since you’ve turned and hunger is crawling out of your throat in desperate cries.

Your bedroom door opens; it’s odd to call it that. It’s just a room in Hannibal's house with a bed, nightstand, and bookshelf—a place that should be cozy. But it’s not like you sleep in it. It's simply a space with four walls to wallow about your stolen death.

“I have something for you.” You hear his voice say. You are too exhausted to even acknowledge his presence. You don’t want a gift; you want to die.

He sighs, you hear him step closer to the bed in which you lay. “She’s unconscious, she won’t know a thing.” 

When his attempt to soothe isn’t met with a single sound of recognition. He places a hand on your cheek, guiding your eyes to his. “She’s going to die either way, you can eat while she’s unconscious or I can devour her while she writhes.” 

You could say no; you could shake your head and beg for a rat, you’d even morally compromise for a cat. But you’re so hungry.

An image of a woman drained and pale, fragile and lifeless that your head conjures does nothing but give you the energy you need. “Please.”

“Then come,” he smiles, holding his hand out to you. 

Shakily, you rise. His hand stays firm on your lower back as he guides you into the living area. 

And there she is, the human you’ll steal their life from, her future, her life, her love. All to be greedily swallowed by you. 

Hannibal watches your reaction closely, the intensity of his gaze piercing through the dimly lit room. You can feel his satisfaction, his anticipation. The human lies motionless on the couch, her chest rising and falling in a slow, rhythmic manner. She’s so fragile, so warm. You catch the faint scent of her blood, a scent that suddenly fills the room, sharper and sweeter than anything you’ve ever known.

Your throat tightens, a raw, burning sensation that pulses through you with every breath. You step closer, feet moving of their own accord. The hunger gnaws at you, each step a battle between what’s left of your humanity and the predator you've become.

Hannibal’s voice breaks through the haze. “You’re fighting yourself, but why? This is what you are now. Accept it, and the pain will subside.”

His words dig into you like knives. You hate him for it. Hate him for turning you, for binding you to this monstrous existence. But most of all, you hate him for being right. The hunger is unbearable, an insatiable craving that dominates every thought, every fiber of your being. You clench your fists, your nails biting into the skin of your palms, but the pain does nothing to distract you from the scent of the blood calling to you.

Hannibal steps closer, his breath cold against your ear. “She’s yours. Take her.”

You close your eyes, trying to remember who you were before this nightmare. But those memories feel distant, slipping through your grasp like sand. All you can feel is the hunger, a relentless, throbbing need that clouds everything else. You open your eyes, staring at the woman lying before you, her life hanging by a thread. It would be so easy, just one bite, and the hunger would be gone.

You lower yourself beside her, hands trembling as they hover above her throat. Her pulse is steady, the sound of her heartbeat deafening in your ears. Your fangs ache, desperate to sink into her soft, warm skin. You hesitate, but Hannibal’s presence looms behind you, his shadow pressing you forward.

“You don’t have to suffer,” he whispers.

With a gasp, you lean forward, your lips brushing her neck. The warmth of her skin against yours sends a jolt of electricity through your body, and before you can stop yourself, your fangs pierce her flesh. The rush of blood fills your mouth, hot and intoxicating, more powerful than anything you could have imagined.

For a brief, terrible moment, everything else fades away. The guilt, the shame, the hatred—it all melts into nothing as the hunger is sated. The warmth spreads through your body, filling you with a twisted sense of satisfaction. You drink deeply, feeling her life drain away with every pull, her heartbeat growing fainter as she rushes down your throat.

But then, something shifts inside you. The realization of what you're doing, of what you’ve become. You pull back, breath ragged, her blood still staining your lips. The woman lies there, pale and barely breathing, her life slipping through your fingers. You look down at her, horrified by what you've done, by what you are.

Hannibal is beside you, watching with that same smug smile. "You see now, don’t you?" he says, voice laced with dark satisfaction.

You stumble away from the woman, the taste of her blood still clinging to your tongue. “I don’t want this,” you whisper, but the words feel hollow, meaningless; you know you’ll want it again. The hunger never truly goes away. It’s always lurking, always waiting for the next moment of weakness.

Hannibal steps closer, placing a hand on your shoulder. "The sooner you accept what you are, the easier it will be. You’re free now—free from the limitations of mortality, free from the weaknesses that once held you back."

You shake your head, backing away from him. His smile fades, replaced by something darker, more dangerous. "You’ll learn in time, the gift I’ve given you" he says quietly.

Without another word, he turns and leaves the room, his footsteps echoing in the emptiness. You're left standing there, trembling, staring down at the fragile life you’ve just torn apart.

[general-kenobis]

trust you | anakin skywalker: episode X

We're finally back!! Read it on Wattpad too!

Summary: Anakin is planning a trade with General Grievous and is preparing for another mission, again. Before he leaves the Temple, he seeks help from a very skilled engineer, and their interaction takes a wild turn. The Jedi is faced with an unexpected visitor, buckle up.

Warnings: Angst, some sort of fluff, mention of injuries, a lot of swearing as always

Word count: 2.9k

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Anakin:

I had been waiting for her outside the classroom where she was in with the other kids. Luke wasn't there today, and I could use it to my advantage and finally go on that mission again and make the trade. My fingers twitched as my hands rested at my sides, I felt incredibly uncomfortable at the thought of talking to her again, or more specifically, at the thought of needing her help.

I noticed she held back a quip when I told her it had to do with Artoo, and I avoided glaring at her so she wouldn't give up helping me. I'm not getting better at this, and interacting with her doesn't make it any easier. My lips felt dry as I looked over her and she stared back at me. I have no fucking idea why I felt this way.

She scans the Droid carefully, reaching over for a datapad to scan him over. "I've tried everything, I can't even recalibrate his monitor"

She keeps herself focused on the task as I lean against the wall and tap my fingers against my folded arms. There's a brief silence that's neither dreading or embarrassing, which can mean endless things at this point.

She pauses the pad and hums, but there's a hint of amusement in her tone and I raise my brows at her reaction.

"Why is there a tweezer stuck inside Artoo?" She asks while popping open the access panel, reaching for the object and I clear my throat.

I wouldn't dare say I'm an engineer just like her, but I'd like to think I can honestly fix things. And to look at her mocking face while she holds the tweezer just about says a lot when it comes to my skills.

"I uh– thought I saw something loose and tried reaching out to it"

I try to ignore the way she's grinning and shaking her head at me, like I'm some fucking dumb child who messes up with something I shouldn't have. My own lips purse and I realize I'm trying not to smile at her attitude. Get over yourself, Skywalker.

She starts rewiring him, muttering something inaudible as she removes some faulty component and replaces it with a brand new one from her tool box. I cannot deny that she's very skilled and knows what she's doing. But every now and then I still feel bitter when it crosses my mind the day I fought with a limb because she couldn't fix my arm in time.

As she pushes herself up and presses a switch, R2 immediately straightens up and happily beeps as he spins. I didn't think she could do something like that this fast.

"What–" My voice cracks in surprise and I have to swallow it down "That was... incredibly fast"

(Y/N) gives me a sheepish smile and leans back. "This was easy. You should see the mess I fixed on that old Republic cruiser last week. Now, about my payment..."

My mind shorts circuit at her comment and I immediately scoff, with my arms still crossed against my chest.

"We never agreed on that" She must be thinking I'm being a pain in the ass with my remark, but my demeanor shifted minutes ago.

I can't keep lowering my shield whenever I'm around her, and I can't seem to raise it back up.

"Yeah, but you owe me a favor now, Master" She snickers, holding her waist with both hands and I roll my eyes. "And, you could've broken him with that tweezer in there"

I feel myself blush at the way she jokes about the object, but I brush it off "Don't push your luck, (Y/L/N)" I push myself off the wall and give Artoo a tap "But uh–"

My tongue rolls up inside my mouth and I force myself to look at her and nod. It's somewhat very difficult to actually talk to her without being an actual certified asshole.

"Thank you"

She grins again and taps on my shoulder, tilting her head almost mischievously "You're welcome, Skywalker"

I watch as she walks back inside the Temple, all the while R2 beeps from below me. If there's one thing I haven't missed about him being faulty, was that he was a talkative, nosy little Droid.

"Shut up" I mumble at him, and he spins around me as a responsive mock.

-

My hands tightly grip the handle as I once again approach the Trade Federation Cruiser. My anxiety skyrockets and I feel my stomach tying to a knot. Doing this alone now makes me feel more relieved since I'm not bringing anyone to a lethal battle, especially considering Grievous can be just as much of a killer as Snoke is.

As I'm about to land on the hangar, the radio on the control panel turns to life, making me snap my head directly at it in confusion.

"Hey, you" The male voice says "Yeah, you with the grumpy face. You're gonna need a hand again"

I roll my eyes when I realize it's Poe Dameron again. He fucking followed me. There’s something about him that feels like he wants to be drawn into murderous missions, as if he longs to fight against something dreadful, and it brings me to the brink of disturbance.

I wanted to fight alone, I wanted this mission to be mine. I didn't want to involve anyone else like the last time. I pretty much wouldn't drag Kestis to this godforsaken place even if he asked me to, especially now that we're not on good terms. I could just throw him to the Wookies and let him deal with them, but I wouldn't bring him here.

As I approach the General, he stands tall against me "For once, Grievous, let’s try talking before we start breaking things"

The Kaleesh chuckles "You Jedi always amuse me. What could you possibly offer that would make me spare your miserable lives?"

As I expected, his fingers tightens at my response and he narrows his eyes when I explain what we want.

"You expect me to believe you would trade such a valuable prize? What is the catch, Skywalker?"

"No catch. Just let the refugees from the outpost go. They’re not soldiers, they’re not spies" I try to reason with him, but he knows I'm reckless and I'm always with a move up on my sleeve.

From my comlink, I hear Poe muttering through his device, and I have to shoot him a glare. He shrugs "This guy is really negotiating with a walking trash compactor. Bold move"

Grievous startles me when he ignites his lightsaber "A tempting deal... but I do not negotiate with Jedi" The nearest battle droids raise their weapons. Again, I'm not surprised he refused the offer. Poe sighs and unholsters his blaster.

The fight immediately erupts and blasters fire, lightsabers flash as I try to fight off Grievous while Poe took cover, picking off droids with shots. My blade clashes against his, and I can feel Poe ducking behind me. He peeks out, firing two quick shots that take down a pair of B1 droids.

Things went south, again. My back slams against the wall and the battle droid in front of me tries to get past the door, but Poe surprises him with a swoon of the lightsaber he just found lying on the ground. I feel my left eye almost popping out of my skull, my head keeps pounding, and I'm pretty sure I have too many splits over my face to count. 

Somewhere in between the fight, I came across Grievous, who mercilessly tried to twist my guts with his force. I had to use all of my senses to abruptly push him backwards so I could run away. He didn't want to make any trades, he just wanted to win a battle. I had to defend myself and Poe, while the motherfucker could only do such little to help and surprisingly miss his shots at them. My head started spinning as I felt my eyelids become heavy, I could only see through a tunnel vision as it felt heavily blurry. I tried to push myself up, and my knees gave out.

The pilot was screaming my name, shielding himself as much as he could while he tried to pick me up. From then on, I blacked out.

My eyes felt extremely dry as I tried to open them a few times. My body was lying on a soft surface, and my head was lighter than before. I forced myself to stay awake, but the dizziness made me zone out countless times. I couldn't see shit in front of me, just some flashes of figures I couldn't honestly identify. Eventually, I fully awakened and straightened myself on the bed, finally able to take in my surroundings. I was in the medical bay. Poe was in the bed beside me, his face was littered in cuts and there was a nasty slash on his arm, which was covered by numerous stitches. 

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I turned my head and scanned the place, seeing her in the distance as she looked rather shocked, her arms were folded and her eyebrows were knitted together. I was weak, but my senses still heightened as I felt this presence I haven't felt in years. It made me feel like my heart was almost ripping out of my chest, my ears started ringing again and there was a buzz inside my head. My hands immediately come up to either side of my skull, forcing my eyes shut as I try to balance myself. The high pitched noise increased at each passing second and I felt my nose bleeding. And then it came to an abrupt halt.

I slowly opened my eyes, noticing two figures in front of me. It was her and, the other one I assumed was Cal. But everything around me froze as I watched the other presence, one I had promised myself I would never meet again. One that I swore I wanted dead.

"Anakin!" She shouted before I fell limp on the bed again.

I'm not sure how long it took before I woke up again. This time, it was just him and me. Besides Poe, who was still on a lifelong nap on the other side of the room. I couldn't meet his gaze, the thought of looking up at him was unbearable. My ragged breath filled the air of the room, and my hands shook as I gripped the sheet beneath me tightly.

"You" I sneered, my eyes avoiding his gaze. I noticed he had seemed to lose weight, and his hair was longer than it was before. "You. How dare you come back like nothing happened?"

"Ani, I–"

"Don't you dare say my name like that! You lost your right to call me that long before you left. You're a fucking traitor, that's what you are"

"Anakin, I came back for you. I helped you out there. I know my respect and morals were swiped away, but listen, my young child–"

I cut him off with a scoff "Yeah, you of all the people would really come back for me after years! You said I was your brother, that you loved me. In the past. Don't forget that, Kenobi"

"I know what has been said and done, son. I couldn't just come back when you were so hurt and grieving. And I can still feel you, I can feel you struggling to make peace with yourself. I know you shut me out with the force, but I was never gone. Whatever battle has been happening, it's because you want to make things right"

"Don't lecture me, Obi-Wan" I still couldn't look at him, and my throat burns each time I say his name out loud "You don't fucking know shit about my life anymore. You don't know what my battles are, what I fight for. You didn't care to stay for Luke, my son!"

"I know more than you give me credit for, my young boy. I know you're still in pain, and I know how much you want to protect Luke. You don't have to forgive me. But please, don't torture yourself because of that"

There's dreadful silence filling the air, and my flesh hand became numb from twisting my wrist against the sheet. My nostrils flared, and I felt a sense of uneasiness as he took a few steps forward and placed one hand over mine. It didn't burn, it didn't make me flinch. Instead, it slowed my heartbeat and calmed my bloodstream.

"That young lady" He looks past the door of the medical bay, flicking his eyes at me again "She's not a bad person. She loves your son. She cares about you. She had been waiting for you to wake up for hours. Miss (Y/L/N) isn't afraid of you, Anakin. Don't push her away, because I know you want to"

He retracted his hand, intensely watching me. Something was boiling inside of me, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Obi-Wan looked over Poe and smiled at me.

"You've got yourself a good team, don't let that slip away from you"

He disappeared through the door and my breath hitched in my throat. My eyes were burning from tears that threatened to spill, but I wiped them away before I even started to cry. (Y/N) walked in with uncertainty in her steps, carefully scanning me over before walking near my bed.

"I didn't know he was here. He just landed on the hangar so suddenly, walking past everyone and when I noticed the commotion, I couldn't believe it"

I nodded, finally glancing up at her for the first time. She was shocked. I could see her fiddling and she was biting her lip.

"Guess we should give him the award for best fucking actor of the Temple" My words come out bitter and I can feel it in my tongue.

She doesn't extend the subject, reaching for a glass of water and offering it to me. I just then realized I hadn't had water in a long time.

"How are you feeling?" She asks, shuffling on her feet as I hand her the empty glass.

"About what exactly?"

"The fight. Obi-Wan told me they were beating you up, Poe came to your rescue right before you blacked out. He helped Dameron back to the spaceship with you and sent you two to Coruscant"

"Yeah, not as easy as I thought. I was sure I had the upper hand way before Dameron showed up unannounced"

"You're known for your reckless missions, Master. I guess he wanted to make sure you were safe" She gave me a reassuring smile and I felt my fingers twitching.

The unfamiliar feeling of protectiveness I sensed in her washed over me, making me speechless. She brought her hands up to reach my face and I trailed my eyes over her, noticing her hesitance to touch my skin as she examined my injuries. Her fingers lingered on my jawline, ghosting over my forehead. The light touch made me nauseous, but it wasn't negative. It was different from the kind of discomfort I had become used to after everything that had happened to me.

"You're going to survive" She removes her hand from my face, shooting me a bashful smile and I keep looking at her as if I'm under a fucking spell.

"Okay, doctor" My tone comes out somewhat playful and she chuckles at the remark. "Luke, where is he?"

It took me long enough to finally remember my son, and she placed a hand on top of my forearm, giving it a light squeeze.

"Oh, he's great. He came to see you earlier, said you were going to be just fine and left with 3PO"

I roll my eyes and sigh "He's getting used to me being beaten up. What kind of a father am I if I can't come back in pieces from a mission?"

Louis notices the resentment in my tone and gives me a comforting look.

"The kind of father who shows his soon that even the greatest Jedi loses too"

"Are you calling me a loser?" I fake an indignant voice and lift my eyebrows at her. Her face falters and she tries to recover from her comment, but I snort before she says anything back.

"You are insufferable, Skywalker"

"Just please tell him to come see me when you find him, will you?" She nods and excuses herself out of the room.

From the corner of my eye, I can feel Poe with his eyes open, trying to discreetly shift on his bed for his own sake, but failing at it.

"You know I know you have been listening, right?"

He leaves a huff and turns on his side to face me. "Didn't want to interrupt you love birds" He smiles widely and I glare at him.

There's only so much I could take in just one day. Everything started to fall apart the moment I black out in Grievous' ship, and meeting with Obi-Wan after what felt like decades took a turn real quickly. I could never imagine him being there after us, trying to keep us safe. Realizing that he was the one who brought us back and stayed by our side left me completely disoriented. It also struck me how I had treated her just moments ago, when in all honesty I should have backed off instead of leaving her the option to get so close, but I couldn't.

And Kenobi's words kept ringing in my head, a clear sign that he, indeed, knew me more than I gave him credit for.

@adorbzliz @himesuedi @kingdomhate @cl0esblogg @littlecoffeenerd @readingthingsonhere @js-favnanadoongi @twilightzone24 @crumblekitty @lacebird

[emoisthenewemu]

"Their Love Ripened with Them" ~ Zoë Hange x F!Reader

"Seldom had two people loved more than they did; they loved with an ardour undiminished by time; as they ripened, so their love ripened with them" Radclyffe Hall, The Well of Loneliness

WC: 11.1k (oops)

A/N: OOOWHEEEE this story has been sitting close to a YRRR (i did forget ab it for half of that time). lowk inspired by the well of loneliness only bc i was reliving my sapphic literature phase. wow i have been so excited to post this because i had to take my time it's so special to me. i wanted true wlw YEARNING, as a catholic bisexual this hit deep. Zoë Hange you will always own a piece of my heart.

CW: LESBIAN ANGST, YEARNING, Hange is kinda fluid in their gender (she/they) and is referred to using both pronouns, homophobia (readers family is extremely conservative), Zoë is poked fun at for being 'weird', marriage to a MAN, man hating, curse words, slightt suggestiveness, CHEATING, crying, breakups, PAIN, cliffhanger ending

PT2 COMING SOON!!

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Zoë Hange has been single all of their life. Always being told you're 'too much' or 'weird' or 'freaky' can weigh a person down, so much so to the point where you might believe what everyone has been saying is true. Yes, Zoë agrees they are too much for any sane person to handle-Lord knows they wouldn't want to put up with them self so why would anyone else? Once they reached adulthood, they never had the desire to marry-even date as all of their comrades began to create their own family and settle down Zoë did nothing but watch. Thanking Sheena that they have never found themself in such a predicament. Being a Scout was busy work anyways; it did not leave time for much else. Especially for a person like Zoë who spent all of their free time locked away thinking up new experiments. They were secure in being single.

That's not to say they do not find people attractive. Hange is quite the woman-lover. Some men are fortunate enough to catch her eye, but in those cases, it has to be very specific and even then slightest thing can turn them off.

Women are a different story.

Women are soft and pretty. They smell good and have sweet voices. Women are Zo��'s only weakness, the only thing which could ever deviate their laser-focused attention on all things titan. They would never be irresponsible about it of course, but even the hardest working soldiers deserve a break sometimes.

That is exactly why they have found themselves visiting a little bakery on the outskirts of the district. Erwin has been raving about their pastries and Zoe has decided they need to find out if they are as good as he says they are. Levi has joined them, mostly because he was forced by his Commander to socialize and take a break from all the training every once in a while. He remains quiet as Zoë blabbers both of the men's ears off talking about their notes on the latest expeditions.

"How did you come across this place anyways?" Zoë cannot help but question, it's very out of the way when you consider Erwin's usual route to go back home and visit family.

"One of the MP's recommended it to me. His girlfriend has been working here since it opened"

"MP?" Levi questions. "Then it's gonna be shit"

The bell above the door rings as you take some freshly made buns out of the oven, causing you to wipe off all of the flour from your hands. You go to greet your newest customers, shocked to find three members of the Scout Regiment in front of you. Erwin, you have met before, thanks to your boyfriend he now frequents your shop. And Levi you have heard about of course, he is Humanity's strongest after all. But the other one, you have no idea.

Your chest tightens at the sight of her. Eyes do a quick scan up and down which you think is not obvious, but Zoë catches on immediately, perhaps because they were doing the same thing to you. "Erwin! You've brought me some customers!"

The man laughs as you make your way to greet him with a friendly hug and he introduces you to the shorter man beside him. But it seems your eyes are elsewhere, stuck on the stranger who makes your chest feel warm. Their ponytail is sticking everywhere, as untamed as the grin which dons their face. A nice white button up with black pants which seem to fit them nicely-oh wow, close your mouth. You're practically drooling.

"This is Squad Leader, Zoë Hange. My right-hand man"

If Zoë had not been so preoccupied on committing your face to memory, they might hold onto the fact that Erwin considers them his 'right-hand man'. They stick out their hand almost comically, their grip is firm. Almost enough to make you wince as you cannot help but look into their wild eyes. There is an unspoken spark between you two, it almost feels like a jolt of electricity beneath your fingertips.

Your hands are soft and warm like the fluffy loafs you had previously popped out of the oven. What a sight you are, Zoë thinks. They always remember how pretty you looked that first day they met you.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Zoë" Your smile is inviting, only drawing the soldier in closer.

"The pleasure's all mine" Their words are accompanied by a not-so-subtle wink that makes you chuckle, cheeks warming up from all the body heat trapped in the room, yea-that's what it is.

Their visit is pleasant, although you and Zoë do most of the talking. They ask how early you must have to wake up in the mornings to prepare the dough and you tell them you arrive before the sun is even up. You talk all about the old lady who owns the shop that can no longer handle it by herself, how you spend most days as the one of the only employees because it is rare to see the frail woman out of bed these days. And they listen, Erwin throws in an occasional comment or two, but it is clear Zoë is in charge of the conversation. They never fail to find a new thing to bring up. They talk your ear off until it is time for them to leave and you would be lying if you said you weren't sad to see them go.

They give you a firm hug-chests pressed together as you take in the scent of their cologne. The scent lingers in your mind as you close up later that night, you swear it smells like they are still there.

"Oh, thank Sheena you made me shower before I left Erwin! I think we just found the love of my life!" Zoë swoons.

The man laughs, he knew you were a nice young lady. Which is why he had the decency to dousing his squad leader in cologne before they left for town. He'll be damned if his soldiers are walking around smelly and making him look bad. And Zoë thanks him because they are certain you took a big sniff when the two of you were hugging goodbye. "Forgive me for saying this Hange but I fear you're not her type" Erwin tries to let them down easy.

Zoë freezes, both of the men stalling to look back at their offended friend. "Oh please! I know a woman lover when I see one!"

Levi scoffs, ever-so-blunt. "I thought you weren't a woman"

"I'd rather be a woman than a man!"

Erwin laughs at his boisterous comrade, a part of him dares to feed into their delusions. "She did seem quite talkative today. I've never had such a long conversation with her"

"Thought you said she has a boyfriend" Levi interjects.

Zoë can only laugh. "He's an MP! MPs don't know how to treat a lady!"

"And you do?"

"Yes, I'm quite familiar" Zoë adjusts the glasses on their face, a devious smirk begins to grow. It seems you have lit a fire in their soul, for the first time in a long time they crave something. Someone. And Hange always gets what they want, they'll scheme if they have to.

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It takes two more visits over the course of a month before Hange is absolutely certain you are not as 'straight' as you pretend to be. Every time you are just as friendly and inviting as before, it doesn't seem to bother you that they stay longer than the average customer. But even then, all of the conversations are very surface level, almost like both of you are afraid to take it any further. You even send them back home with a few extra treats-you were going to throw them away anyways. So, you don't charge the soldier, you insist their presence is enough payment.

It is a lonely life you live. You've come to tell Hange all about it. How you are your parents only child and the only thing they have ever wanted for you is to get married and start a family. Your father is a very traditional man, he believes men have a role as the head of the household, they are the protectors and decision makers. And it is your job as a woman to keep your man happy, to maintain a clean house and ensure there is dinner on the table every night. He did not let you go to school like you wanted; to study medicine and it was not like you could afford it yourself at the time. You have the money now though and you admit to Hange that sometimes you think about getting an education in secret-to make something of yourself.

"Honestly, it makes me kind of sick. I love my dad but sometimes I feel like the only thing he thinks I'm good for is to be a wife" You speak honestly, you do not know how you found yourself so comfortable with the soldier. You have never told anyone about wanting to go to school, just Hange.

"I'm afraid it's a generation thing. My folks were the same way" Zoë admits between bites of pastry, small crumbles falling from their lips. "But you should go to school, it's not right to live your life for someone else"

Those words hit particularly hard, a slight twinge in your chest because it is so much deeper than you let on. How you have spent your life ignoring a fact you know to be true-one that would make your father ashamed you were ever born. And you are so lost in thought that you remain silent for a while, picking at the skin of your nails. This is the deepest your conversations have ever gone, and a part of you wonders why they would even care. "Oh, I don't know...probably too late to start now"

Your eyes meet and you extend a hand to their shoulder, rubbing it graciously. "Thank you for listening to me Hange...lately it feels like no one does"

"What about your boyfriend?" Zoë has been waiting weeks to ask that question. The shock on your face is evident. "I mean-doesn't he listen to you?"

You are a bit taken aback that Zoë knows about him because you had failed to mention anything about your relationship until now. You knew you did it on purpose but weren't ready to admit it. You were probably naive to think Erwin hadn't mentioned it before. But honestly you hadn't thought about him in weeks. You laugh at the thought that he would be open to talking about your feelings. "I hardly ever see him anymore...and he's not much of a talker"

"Well why not? Doesn't he come and visit?"

The Sun is starting to go down and you are starting to clean up, but you don't mind Zoë's presence. You cannot remember the last time it felt like someone was interested in what you had to say. "He's very busy...but if he gets promoted then he says he'll move me out there with him"

"Is that what you want?"

You pause your movements, nails digging into the wood of the broomstick. "Sure" It was always your father's dream to live inside wall Sheena, to give you and your mother 'the life you deserve'.

Zoë laughs. "I'm not convinced".

You mimic the smile on their face, teasing as you turn your head to get a better look at them. "And what do you want Hange? Enough of me. I'd like to know what your future entails"

"Hmm" It is clear that Zoë takes your question very seriously, eyebrows furrowed in thought as they bring up a hand to their chin. "I'd have to keep you the rest of the night to tell you about everything I want, sweetheart"

Your eyebrows raise at the nickname, the smile on your face fails to drop. "We can save it for next time then"

Zoë is fetching their coat, painfully aware of the fact that they have a long trek ahead of them. But it's worth it, this is the most relaxed they've been in weeks. It feels like they can forget the stress which eats away at them most nights, the thoughts of every single comrade they failed to save. Over here things are not hectic, they have no responsibility. To be able to kick their feet up and chat with a pretty lady, being fed sweets which will most definitely give them a headache in the long run-it doesn't get much better than this. "Until next time, YN. I will get my list started of all my hopes and dreams now"

"You better" You walk them to the front of the shop, a shy smile on your face. Ignoring the pit in your chest because you don't want them to go. The second Zoë leaves you will go back to the same monotonous routine you've done for the past nine years. You will get up at the same time every morning, step into the same tattered clothes because there is not much point in trying to impress people these days-you'd just get covered in flour anyways. On your days off you visit your parents and make them dinner, maybe read a book or write a letter to your boyfriend. You greet the same customers every week and prepare the same things, sometimes it feels like and endless loop you will never escape.

"I'll be waiting for you, Hange" You give them a hug, their arm rests comfortably around your waist. It creates butterflies in your stomach as you pull away slightly to look them in the eye one more time.

"Zoë" They insist. It would sound so lovely coming out of your mouth. "Call me Zoë"

"Goodnight Zoë" You push the bag of pastries into their chest, they almost forgot to take it home. "Get home safe"

You have given Zoë something to think about. What is their end goal? What is the point to everything they do?

What do I want?

Zoë thinks aloud as if the horse were going to provide an answer. It is a bit of a loaded question; they meant it when they said it would take all night to answer. There are many things Zoë wants; to find out what's truly on the other side of the walls, where Titans even come from in the first place. To find the right way to avenge all those who died for the cause, to make their sacrifice meaningful. However (selfish as it may be), atop the list of Zoë Hange's wants and needs sits one very special person.

You.

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The next time you almost see each other you are unaware that Hange has been working up a scheme of sorts against you. To prove it to their comrades (but mostly themself) that you indeed are interested in women-that Hange may actually have a chance with you. Levi and Moblit think Hange is full of it. However, Erwin and Nanaba seem to believe in their enamored friend. They want to be optimistic about things and Erwin is well aware that your MP boyfriend has been neglecting you anyways, why shouldn't his friend be there to pick up the pieces?

Zoë has even managed to bring some of Levi's squad into the middle of all this-well just one in particular. Petra is going to be their 'bait' for today. And she is more than happy to even be involved-it is evident in her face as she skips along with a few of her superiors. They walk and talk as Hange applies some rouge to the young Scout's lips.

"I can't believe you managed to drag Petra into this stupid little plan of yours" Levi grumbles. "Do you not find it demeaning?" He asks the woman whose corset would burst had it been done any tighter.

"Demeaning?! I'm flattered that I was the first hot girl Hange could think of!" Petra means it, truly.

The man only sighs, regretting entertaining such childish antics by tagging along. The only reason was to stop by a bookstore around the corner and he did not really feel like walking around town by himself. Definitely not because he was being nosey and wanted watch how it all plays out.

Once they reach the corner by your comfy little bakery, Hange stops-pushing the two women towards the shop. Zoë insists they must not tag along or else you will suspect their little rouse. It is essential. Levi calls it stupid. Forcing sweet innocent Petra to go in there and flirt with you, galivant around in some tight dress. It was offensive to both of you-to women all throughout the walls really. But it seemed Hange's rose-colored glasses were causing them to go blind and there was not much anyone could say to stop them. Perhaps it was a distraction from all of the carnage they had been suffering back home. Maybe he should indulge in his friend whom he knows has not slept in days. They go to his bookstore, but Zoë's mind has clearly not joined them-their eyes constantly darting towards the door as if they were expecting you to walk right through it.

It's so serious that Zoë is willing to miss out on seeing your face, just this one week. It wouldn't help out with the experiment, scientifically speaking. And Levi reminds them that they are stupid for not just going in there to talk to you as Hange whines on their way back about how much they miss you. "Call me crazy, but what if you just ask her out on a date?"

"You're crazy!" Hange laughs and Levi rolls his eyes, purposefully walking forward because he knows Zoë would not dare step into your line of sight.

Finally, some peace and quiet, he sighs. How did he find himself in the midst of such lowly behavior? The door to your shop swings open and he watches Nanaba and Petra say their farewells. Things seem friendly-nothing worth noting. You even get a glimpse of him, waving because it is simply in your nature to be so amicable. This plan was definitely a bust, even if the women do think you were flirting back who's to say you were not just being nice? He waves back, slightly shaking his head because he will now have to hear about the disappointment of it all on the horse ride home.

Then Petra drops something, he's not sure what exactly fell to the ground because if he was being honest his eyes are elsewhere. He looks away for a few seconds only to meet you in some awkward eye contact as you realize the both of you caught each other gawking at the very same thing. Levi walks away swiftly, not even offering a goodbye as he tries to catch up to his fellow soldiers who are now several steps ahead of him.

"I'm telling you Hange! I was laying it on! And she did not seem interested at all, she was asking about you the whole time!"

"She even sent us some extra bread rolls for you-" Nanaba is cut off by Hange snatching the bread out of the bag.

"So, what does this mean?!" They ask in between mouthfuls.

"It means I lost my touch" Petra whines, slightly insulted that her charm had not worked.

"I think it means she likes you" Nanaba ignores her sulking friend.

"But it is it as a friend?! Or could it be more?"

Levi had to squeeze his way through a crowd of people that had somehow magically appeared. Now picking up the pace to try and tell his fellow soldiers about his latest discovery. It is not long before he runs up in front of them, halting the group's movements. "Hange! You were right! YN's a woman lover!"

"Huh?"

"I caught her looking at Petra's ass when she bent over" He sounds almost proud of himself.

"Really?!" Hange and Petra squeal in unison, it is not clear who is more excited at the revelation.

Petra has a sudden blush to her face. "Wait Captain! Does that mean you were looking too?" The way they all fall into a fit of laughter certainly does not help his case, ears turning pink due to the embarrassment.

⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓

When Hange is gone you miss them. Their presence, wild eyes and at times questionable jokes. You always laugh at their jokes though, so you aren't sure who the weird one is supposed to be. They only have the time to come around once every other weekend (if that). You count the days as they go by, eighteen days have passed since their last visit, so you are eagerly awaiting their arrival by the time Saturday morning comes. Their friends from last weekend assured you that Hange would be off today. But it is far past afternoon, and they have yet to set foot in your shop, usually they are one of your first customers of the day.

The bell above the door rings and you unashamedly run out of the kitchen, expecting that excited smile you had grown so accustomed to.

Instead, you come to face your boyfriend in his uniform, for some reason your face slightly drops. A sudden weight in your chest as you step forward to greet him. He kisses you and you feel nothing, an unfamiliar ache in your heart as you pull away. "James, I-I had no idea you would be visiting"

You subconsciously flatten your skirt, swatting at your hair in an attempt to make yourself look a bit more presentable. You have not looked your best lately-you can admit that. "Would have fixed myself up a bit more" You chuckle as he places a quick peck to your lips.

"Aw don't worry about that, darling. It looks like it has been a long day" He rubs your arm soothingly.

The MPs are in town, due to some renovations in their living quarters. They are visiting family, planning to go out and make the most of the opportunity of having a few days off. It seems your boyfriend has plans at a pub nearby-most of his MP friends will be in attendance and they are so excited that they even invited the Scouts. You almost choke on your tea at that revelation, now home as you multi-task. Going between powdering your face and enjoying the hot liquid because for some reason you feel so cold. You sigh, looking at James who blabbers on about how he is getting closer to the King and expects to climb the ranks any day now. He is good to you, although a bit neglectful, he has never disrespected you. Nor has he made you cry or even argued with you really. Maybe it was because you did not care enough to argue, to pout when things do not go your way. He never asked for your opinion anyways, it was always about him. But you did not mind because you did not even know yourself-you could never bare your soul to a man who would not understand. Being with James was convenient for both of you, it made him look good because he had someone to talk about, a beautiful woman to bring to all the military events who did not ask for much.

And you are using him even more than he is using you. Using him to keep your parents off your back about being single for so long, although they do still constantly ask when you will be engaged. The thought makes you shudder, even the idea of marrying a man makes you feel ill. But it is what your father wants. And he is the only man in your life who genuinely cares for you, bigotry aside.

James is handsome and has a good job. One that ensures he does not invade your privacy or personal life. He was kept away at a distance, which made you happier than actually seeing him. You try not to think about the day where you inevitably have to move in together. 

That is all you think about on the walk over; hair now done and dressed all pretty the way you know James likes. You are noticeably fidgeting; the man grabs your hand in an attempt to comfort your nerves. "I have no idea why you look so nervous.... I thought you would be excited" He half mumbles that last part but you catch it.

"Why would I be excited?! All of your friends' wives look down on me like I'm some charity case" You grumble, throwing his hand off of yours. Most of them grew up rich and the others are wasting all of their time pretending they lived the same way. Whenever you are around them you can feel the venom of their glare, jealousy? Envy? You aren't sure what has caused it, but it has always been clear they do not like you.

"I thought you made friends with the Scouts!"

"Who told you that?!" You do not mean to sound so defensive.

"Erwin! What's the big deal?!" He slightly raises his voice, causing the people around you to turn their heads over for a look.

You fall silent, averting his gaze. "Nothing" You sigh.

"If anything, I'm happy you're finally making some friends. Don't have to complain about how lonely you are" He did not mean for it to sound as backhanded as it did. You take offense to the comment and huff, slapping away the hand which tugs at your coat.

Picking up the pace, you find yourself several steps ahead of him, taking a deep breath as your eyes dart around the multiple Soldiers surrounding the area. It seemed like half of the King's entire army had been invited. You find yourself wondering, apprehensive at the thought of the familiar face you wished to see most in the world. And then it appeared.

James had finally caught up with you, not that you noticed the arm snaking around your waist as he prepared to enter the pub. Clearly, you had other plans. He almost trips over his own feet at the resistance of your body as he tries to tug you along. You remain frozen like a statue, head cocked in the complete opposite direction ever since you caught sight of that unruly mocha hair. You almost fail to notice the fact that it is the most genuine smile which crossed your face all day-a familiar warmth spreading throughout your chest.

"YN!" Zoë Hange's voice is a shout from the heavens above, the way it immediately brings you back to life.

"Oh, don't mind me, James I'll catch up with you soon" You do not fail to catch the surprised look on his face, almost judgmental with a raised brow. "What?"

"Hange? You've made friends with Hange?"

You're completely dumbfounded at the reaction. "Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"Err....she's a little weird, don't you think? Not the kind of company I would expect you to keep"

You gasp at his words, shoving him in the chest perhaps a bit harder than intended. "No! I think they're brilliant!"

James speaks in a condescending tone. "Whatever that means"

You march off with a groan. You can't believe how much of an ass he is being. And about Hange of all people, a person who (in your eyes) has never done a thing wrong in their life. As careless as that thought may be, you know their every waking moment is spent trying to protect the people they care about-the people living behind the walls. You aren't sure you can say the same about James. Hange notices the defeated look on your face, immediately on guard. "What's wrong?" They ask as soon as you are within earshot.

"Come with me"

You drag Zoe away without an explanation, grabbing them by the wrist and completely missing the way they look back at their comrades-a gleeful expression as they give a thumbs-up. They almost want to beg their friends to wish the two of you good luck. Levi and Erwin are completely dumbfounded, although the Commander feels a sense of pride swelling in his chest.

You drag Zoe to the only thing you have that is all yours. The place you disappear off to when times are tough, and you need to feel like the only person left in the World. It always feels that way, that you are alone in the things you try to hide. You have not shared it with another soul. A clearing at the edge of a farm you visit on an almost weekly basis. If you walk all the way out to the edge and hop the fence it gets so quiet the only thing you can hear is the distant mooing of cows and the sound of your own breath. The first time you found this place was when you swore at twelve years old that you were running away. After your father caught you kissing a girl from across the street.

You laugh at the memory; you thought your life was over. That you should just curl up into a ball and die. The reality of it was that you returned home the next morning and the two of you never mentioned it again. You also never dared to indulge in that urge ever again.

"You planning to murder me out here?" Zoë finally speaks, easing the tension. Your body relaxes, slumping back against the fence you insist they climb over to get the whole experience. It's not worth stargazing through gaps of wood.

"You've caught on to my plan" You joke, leaning forward in an attempt to be menacing. As if Hange could ever fear you. "Although I would be screwing myself over if I murdered my only friend"

"My devilish charm strikes again" They smile, revealing the steel flask Erwin had gifted them before arriving at the pub. He insists they should drink that first, so they do not have to spend as much money on beer, resourceful as ever.

But the two of you have it now and it does not take long for the liquid to come pouring out. Passed between the both of you as you share your deepest regret; ever getting into a relationship with James in the first place. You are not sure when you began talking about him, or how the topic was even brought up in the first place. You are almost certain Zoë did not ask but for some reason you tell them. You admit that it is all just a facade, you are trying to prove something to yourself more than genuinely put an effort into the relationship. By the time you find the right words the flask is empty as the ache in your heart. "I care about him but it just.... doesn't feel right"

Zoë looks at you knowingly, they feel it too. That ache of not knowing what it is your soul is after. The confusion of being told one thing but wanting another. How isolating it can be. You cannot say what it is that you find so captivating about them. Incapable of explaining the heat which fills your entire body as they eat you alive with their gaze. The tantalization which has plagued your entire life sits right in front of you, a direct reflection of everything you want.

Someone soft and pure who understands. Who takes over your mind, body and soul, stimulates your senses. Never has a simple look said so much.

"But things have always been like that. I have never truly connected with anyone" You add on, not so subtly shuffling your body closer. The cool blades of grass tickle at the exposed area of your shin, reminding you of the harsh winter air. You really should have dressed warmer for the occasion. "My whole life has felt like one big question even I don't know the answer to"

Zoë Hange takes the initiative to rest a hand on your thigh, looking into your eyes intently. They want you to understand how deeply they hear you, that they have listened to every word you've said since meeting you. They would wait a million years for this very moment, for the time when all the stars aligned, and it finally felt right. Another hand brings itself up to brush a strand behind your ear and you lean into their touch, fingers softly running down the wrist which supports your head. Moving closer than ever, Hange takes a deep breath in-resting their forehead atop yours. "I hear you YN. I can't tell you the numbers of nights I lay awake wondering what made me the way I am"

The moment is so tender and sincere you could cry. Moving your face closer to theirs, you nudge your nose against theirs so slow and deliberate it could come off as if you were doing it on purpose. Truth is, every movement is involuntary, like something had taken over and wants to devour every second spent like this.

Take your time. Make it last.

It is all you can think for fear that it may not ever happen again.

Zoë cannot hold out any longer, crashing their lips against yours in a hungry fury. They've dreamt about the way your lips taste, but it was not nearly as good as the real thing. No, this is perfect. So much more than they can imagine. Small whines and sound of lips smacking beneath the twinkling stars. Two bodies of forbidden lovers moving in sync, gnawing and clawing at each other so needy there is no room to breathe. Zoë does not allow you to catch your breath-they can be your source of oxygen, swallowing every huff you attempt to let out. They cannot let you go; you may never come back.

They grip at your hips and thighs, squeezing a particular spot that makes you squeal. "Hange!" Your laugh is again, swallowed by their mouth.

They groan, biting your lip because they now know they would much rather hear you moan their name than simply just say it. You allow them to pull you into their lap. You encourage their hands to roam as they please, granting Zoë access to every inch of your body.

And then you pull at the disheveled brown mop atop their head, causing the sexiest most pathetic whimper you've ever heard leave Hange's lips. You whisper their name, tugging again before rolling your tongue against Zoë's.

They do not need to be convinced before ravishing you with love bites, not caring what might be left of you when they finish. If anything, that makes it better, they hope your stupid boyfriend sees it.

Rocking you in their lap, the two of you continue to kiss until your lips feel swollen and tingly. Until both of your hairs are knotted messes from all the tugging and the necklines of both of your tops are extremely disheveled. "Oh Zoë" You whine into their lips, kisses growing softer but still full of need and desire. "You have no idea how bad I wanted this" You suck at their bottom lip selfishly. You cannot get enough.

"Me too YN" They gasp when you nibble a bit at their earlobe, it sends jolts of electricity down their body. "I nearly prayed for a chance to feel your body against mine"

Never has a kiss been so satisfying, been able to feed the craving which ate at you for years. It feels like it could be enough to power you through another month of the dull cycle that is your life. "I've been so selfish..." You pout, redoing the buttons you had frantically pulled apart moments before.

You kiss their jaw, then their neck, and collarbone. "Please, I have done more than enough talking" You peck their lips again before taking their face into your hands adoringly. "I'd like to know everything about you"

When you get home hours later, swollen lips and covered in marks your boyfriend does not notice. You find him passed out in the couch of your living room; half dressed. It seems he walked home drunk and gave up before making it into the bedroom, which was only a few steps away. You almost feel guilty for the contempt that fills you as you watch him sleep, almost disgusted with the way he's presented himself.

You hate him. You hate all men.

Maybe not all, most would be fair to say. They fill you with rage and disgust. They make you want to throw up.

They make you want to cry. You cry as you stare at the man whom you are supposed to love but suddenly feel nothing for. The one you are done trying to convince yourself that you like. He does not please you, or satisfy you, or even support you.

He is just there. Taking up space. And worst of all, you let him. The man you have known for years is suddenly a stranger in your house, your space which you have so carefully built. Not even your home is safe from the wrath of man.

You cry until it feels like you might pass out, the weight of it all finally kicking in. That you have to make a decision one day. The decision to please your family and do what is expected of you.

Or the decision to be free.

⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓

Hange remains the only harbinger of peace in your life. The next time the two of you see each other it is much different than the others. Usually, they would come bright and early, spend the whole day with you and return once the Sun goes down. But this time they arrive an hour before you close-a surprise to you seeing as you expected them to not even show up once the clock passed ten thirty. You figured they must be busy. But they arrive with a smile bigger than ever, if that was possible.

And instead of your usual friendly greeting they take a look around, ensuring there are no customers in sight before stepping forward and enveloping you in a hug that makes you forget all about the struggles of your everyday life. In Zoë's arms you feel so safe and protected, you feel like yourself. And then they kiss you, firm and excitedly. Almost messy with the movements of your lips, so much so that you giggle against them.

"Was that okay?" They ask for fear that they may be coming on too strong. Perhaps that kiss in the field was supposed to be a one-time thing.

Instead, you flash your pearly whites, eyes glazed over with something that is not lust. Much stronger than want or need. You pull them by the collar of their shirt and kiss them again, wrapping your arms around their neck as you stand on your tiptoes to reach more of them. "What a silly question" You tease, lips pulled apart but still fully embracing each other. "I fear that I've thought about your lips more than anything else this past week"

"Fine by me" Zoë insists before another peck of their lips. But they are fidgety, shifting with your body in their arms as their eyes dart all around.

"What is it?" You whisper, bringing their gaze back to you with a finger on their chin as you become suddenly aware that it is growing dark out. "And what brings you here so late?"

"I was hoping..." Zoë starts, pausing lightly to look down at their feet. The fear of being too forward is stuck in their head. The last thing they need to do is scare you off the way they have done to everyone their whole life.

"That it would be okay if I accompany you back to your house today?"

You are the first person who has looked at them without an ounce of doubt. Hange realizes that as the corner of your lips tug up into a smile. What a wonderful feeling that is, to be accepted completely. "Of course you can"

From then on, Hange's visits take place at your house rather than the bakery. You talk and eat dinner together; on occasion they will bring a fancy wine courtesy of some random civilian who wanted to thank the Section Commander for all their hard work. Being a Scout has its perks sometimes.

It is one of the only benefits. Zoë is suddenly aware of how much free time they fail to have. Time that could be spent with you. But they manage, waiting weeks for the opportunity to simply enjoy your presence. Sometimes you talk each other's ears off. No single topic in mind, just mindless rambling about anything you think of. Others are more quiet, spent in each other's arms comfortably. And neither of you dare speak of what this all could mean for your relationship.

The only thing which confounds Zoë is why you ever allowed them into your life in the first place. Hange is not great on first impressions, or second, or thirds.

So why did it all come so easy with you? How did the conversation flow so naturally within moments of meeting you? Is this how everyone who's ever fallen in love feels?

So many questions. Especially because Zoë knows better than to let her mind wander on the topic of you. You have a boyfriend and will likely become his wife. This is all temporary. And they would rather not think of the day when they have to move on. Being so secretive makes it exciting, more personal because no one else is aware of whatever you have going on between the two of you. These moments of serenity belong to you and Hange only.

You find yourself in the warmth of their embrace, cuddled over on your side of the bed although there is plenty of empty space. They just need to be touching you, no gap of space to be found. They want to die knowing they have touched every inch of your skin. "YN?"

"Yes, my dear?" You laugh because you have no idea why they are whispering.

My dear. You aren't sure when you started calling Zoë that, but it just rolls off your tongue perfectly. It also makes your lovers ears perk up in excitement each time. "Can I just say I still cannot believe we get to do this...I mean, most people would not take you for a woman lover"

You snort aloud, sitting up in bed. "A woman lover? What are you?! 12?" You ask, slightly offended but a twinge of jest to your tone. Your eyes sparkle in the way you look at them, creases forming at the corners.

"It's just...it all seemed so silly at first. I never thought there was a chance you could actually like me" They mean it truly. They cannot begin to count the number of times they had been pushed away by their peers, being called delusional for ever thinking they could get somewhere in life. "No one likes me"

"I do" You pout. It pains you to hear how low they think of themselves. "I like you very much Zoë. You are brilliant and strong. Sophisticated yet playful. Brave and beautiful. You are everything I enjoy in a person"

Zoë could cry at your words, but they don't. Instead, they hold you tighter with a kiss to your head, you may be the only person alive who has ever admired them in such a way. "I enjoy you more my dearest Schatz. I would do anything for you"

They would even break off that stupid relationship you're in and marry you.

⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓

It has been over a month since the last time you saw Zoë. You have sent many letters but have yet to receive any back. The Scouts left for an expedition, and it is proving to be far lengthier than most. This worries you because no one has heard from them. Or maybe they have, and the rest of the regiment is just keeping it under wraps. You suppose that would make sense. It just could not have happened at a worse time. The shop is slower than usual, weather is growing harsher, and you are certain that James is going to propose soon. And worst of all, your father is sick.

You feel so alone and lost. Especially now that your father has grown ill. You spend most nights helping look after him. Your mother is unwell, clearly not in her right mind to take care of her husband whom she spent decades with. It seems she cannot take the pain of watching her lover deteriorate into a shell of what he once was. But they are lucky to have you. Playing the role of the devoted daughter as well as you always have. They would always brag to their friends about how good of a girl you are.

You give him medicine and feed him, bathe and change him. He seems to even have lost a bit of his mind, constantly making sly comments about how he will die without any grandchildren. You ignore his words each time, but they remain in your head as the days go by.

You feel like a terrible daughter. Like you have failed to do the only thing he has ever asked of you. As if you needed any more pressure to conform. James even visits when he can. A sentiment which you appreciate more than he will ever know.

That was until you overhear a conversation with your father; one your life would be much more peaceful without.

Their words play in your head even later that night as you write Zoë her fifth letter of the month. Maybe you are just crazy-obsessive. Maybe you are using them as a coping mechanism, time with Zoë is your only escape. You end the letter off with a warning, a fat droplet falls from your eye and hits the page. It smears the last few words clean off.

I overheard James asking Father for my hand in marriage.

Zoë is exhausted and ashamed when they finally arrive back home. Everyone blames them for the failure that was their expedition. Many lives lost all for them to nab a stupid titan. One that they ended up having to kill anyways when it broke free of their restraints. One month of their lives wasted. Well not to Zoë, they collected some very valuable data that will be of use for the next time they dare venture out of the walls. Though they will have to wait for the newest batch of cadets to arrive, seeing as The Scouts are coming back home with less soldiers than they left with. No one cares about Zoë's stupid experiments; they just want their friends back.

Erwin pats them on the back, assuring that it was all worth it in the end. The only way out is forward-or something like that. Hange was not really paying attention if she's being honest. Kicking off their boots in the comfort of their own living quarters they come to find a stack of letters from you.

Thinking about how lucky they are to have someone who actually writes to them, Zoë opens the one on top with a smile on their face. This one seems to be the newest, but they cannot be too bothered to read them in order. They just need to hear what you have to say. You bring Zoë comfort.

However, that comfort is completely erased as they take in your words. Each line seems to grow even more abysmal as you go on about all of your misfortune and worries. Zoë's brows furrow as it becomes clear to them that they were gone in the moments you needed them most. All areas of your life have seemed to come crashing down. They begin to grow ill as they read the last line, standing up and clutching their desk so hard the wood begins to splinter beneath their nails.

They put their coat on, still with the letter in hand and march out to the halls. Unaware of where they are even going, they just need to pace. And breathe. They go all the way up to the rooftop-where the harsh winter air sends goosebumps all over their skin. Panting as they hunch over the ledge. For a moment it feels as if they may vomit.

"You don't plan on jumping off, do you?" Erwin's voice snaps them out of it, their body jolts at the sudden sound.

"You scared me" Hange half mumbles.

"My apologies" Erwin nods, taking a few steps closer to Hange who is as pale as the moonlight. He knows exactly why she is out here. "I was looking for you. You weren't in your quarters"

"Needed some fresh air" Zoë almost forgets they are still clutching your letter close to their chest.

"Uh huh" Erwin joins Zoë in leaning against the ledge, looking out into the place they fight so hard every day to protect. It is so peaceful now. You can almost forget that Titans exist in the first place. Almost. "I was catching up on a few things sent in from the MP's....updates and whatnot"

Zoë nods, not entirely sure what he is trying to get at. Well, deep down she probably does know but does not wish to face it. "James Mason has been promoted to one of the King's guards"

Zoë's heart is completely crushed. They want to just double over and fall. But they would never dare look so pathetic in front of anyone, especially their Commander. "What does that have to do with me?"

Erwin sighs, raising an eyebrow as if to ask 'really?'. "We all know he was only waiting to get promoted before asking her to marry him"

Zoë is silent for a while, they consider wishing the two of you luck, but they cannot force the words out of their mouth if they tried. So, they give up, with a sigh that comes from a place deep within their chest. "How did you-"

"Do not take me for a fool" He laughs, attempting to lighten up the mood although it may be impossible. "You spent months obsessing over this woman and all of a sudden you just stop talking about her? I knew something was afoot. Not to mention the way you would disappear entirely on your weekends off"

Hange only nods, it feels like they have been caught red handed.

"So, what happened?"

Zoë groans, bringing a hand over their face as they try to rub the dull ache out of their head. "We were.... together"

"Are you still?"

"I would hope so" She admits. "Or maybe I should not have hope" They look down for a while, staring at their shoes and the cobblestone beneath their feet. They imagine it crumbling and their body goes falling right through it-that would certainly put an end to all the distress. "What do you think Erwin? Should I just leave her be?"

"Do you love her?"

That is the million-dollar question Zoë has been unable to answer. Out of nothing but pure fear. They were secure in their feelings for you, certain of how much they liked you. But Erwin is right, does she love you?

It seems the word leaves her lips before her brain can even process it all. "Yes"

"Well then, you better tell her before it is too late"

Zoë nods again, a ball of nothing but anxiety and pure dread in their chest. "How long ago did you receive the news?"

There's a chance they may be too late already.

"One week since the last letter"

The next morning Hange wastes no time before leaving to your district. Stopping by the bakery first, they are more than concerned to find it closed-on a day they are certain you work. Never have they come to find your shop closed. It makes them fear the worst. They make their way to your apartment next, heart pounding and an unfamiliar ringing in their ears. Their nerves are starting to get the better of them. Zoë might just have to stop on the way and throw up. Clutching their chest, their movements are anything but graceful. Quick and rushed, they lose their footing a few times but keep moving forward. Perhaps they should not have left their horse so far behind.

And the closer Zoë gets to you, the more it feels like they can no longer wait. They are unable to hold it in anymore, maybe they should have brought a ring because if you let her go on long enough, she might just propose on the spot. If that will keep you-they would do anything to be yours.

They are about to start running when they see him-James. James looks tired and worn out. He notices Hange almost immediately. "Zoë! Oh, good thing you've stopped by. She's a mess! Maybe you can go talk to her!"

"Huh?" Hange is puzzled, their eyes dart down to his hand which has no ring. That's a good sign at least.

"Her father passed away three mornings ago. Died in his sleep" He states rather bluntly. "I haven't left her side since. But she's running out of food, I was going to stop and get groceries. Maybe you can talk to her? I know she's grown quite fond of you"

"Oh yeah, of course" Hange snaps out of it for a second. The guilt suddenly hits them as they look James in the eye. He looks concerned, genuinely worried for your wellbeing. He was there when you needed him, she wasn't. How can Zoë come to face him knowing all they have done with the woman who is supposed to be his? Maybe they are a bad a person disguised as someone virtuous. "What horrible news"

"Yes" The man sighs, looking to the ground in thought. "We'll likely have to push the Wedding back"

Hange's body has run cold. And the man only stares, for a moment Zoë can't help but wonder if he knows. If he is only bringing it up to prove a point.

They are clearly taken aback by the revelation. "Did she not tell you yet? I figured her closest friend would be the first to know" His voice has a level of irony to it, maybe even a hint of anger.

His eyes have narrowed, something unexplainable beneath them. But Zoë is going to die on the hill that they have done nothing wrong. "Well, I've been gone on an expedition. Just got back"

"And you immediately run off to her apartment" James arms are now crossed. "For what reason? If you truly had no idea about her father either"

"Zoë!" You gasp from the door of your place, initially stepping out for some fresh air. To be able to breathe.

And breathe you may-now that your dear Zoë is in your arms. You clutch them tight and hope to never let go, eyes wound shut for fear they make threaten to spill even more tears. But they do, your bottom lip begins to wobble as they pat your head. Looking at James, their eye contact lingers for a bit before the man walks off, caught in his own personal war.

Zoë's arms remain wrapped around you. They need to touch you. They grab your hand and bring you inside, where nobody will get the chance to see the two of you. "I'm so sorry"

Their words are nothing but a whisper as they take in the state of your apartment. Boxes surround them, a few things seem to be missing. Your couch most importantly. The one the two of you would cuddle up and take naps on.

And then Zoë sees it. A ring on your fourth finger, on your left hand. You hold it close to your body almost as if you were trying to hide it. But in no world would Hange fail to see that.

"You're engaged"

You scoff. "My father is dead"

"And I send my deepest condolences. Losing a parent is one of the hardest days of anyone's life. I truly hope you can find peace in knowing he is at rest" She sounds genuine, swallowing the lump in her throat to be able to speak. "But please do not avoid the obvious"

You stand a shell of the woman you were before, you try to be strong. To be stoic and put on the same mask you have donned since birth practically. But it is the hardest thing you have ever had to do, to look the love of your life in the face and lie to her. Especially when they are the only person you have ever been able to share your truth with. You must share your pain too, it is an ache that blinds all other senses. The world has turned upside down since even before your father died. "He asked two days before he passed" You begin, voice wavering. "My father died happy knowing I was to be a bride"

"Call it off"

"What?!" You clutch the clothing close to your chest. An unseen force pulls your body down, shoulders slumped and heavy with the weight of all your life's problems. "Y-you know I can't do that"

"Why not?" Zoë asks, completely dumbfounded that you are still going to go through with this. Your father was the main factor in why you could never truly live to be yourself. As morbid as it may sound, he is no longer around to stop you. Hange thought your old self would die with him as well. "Go to school! I will support you and we can married when you graduate. I can provide for you YN"

You take a step back, clearly the two of you are not on the same page. "Zoë....my father would be rolling in his grave if he ever knew I was with another woman. And my mother! God my mother, she might just drop dead too" You bring a hand to your head, pulling at the roots of your hair.

Zoë steps closer, bringing a hand up to your cheek. They brush a piece of hair behind your ear. "Plenty of women do it.." They whisper.

"Some" You shake your head, tears in your eyes. "Not plenty....I don't think I can deal with the stares, or the hushed whispers as we walk by! I'm not brave enough for that-I'm sorry!"

"It's who you are. You see that don't you?"

"Of course I do!" You whisper incredulously. "I fear that love may not be enough to save us from the hardships we could face! I would hate for what we have to be soiled by everyone else! I love you now, can't that be enough?!"

Zoë Hange should have stayed home, they understand that in this moment. They should have spared themselves the heartache of knowing the truth. They are shaking, their neck jerks in unnatural way as they take in your words. They should focus on the fact that you are pushing them far away-pushing their love away. But you love her, that is all Zoë hears. "You love me?"

You have fallen silent, refusing to look her in the eye when she steps forward and grabs you. One arm wraps around your waist, the other fervidly grabs your face-pulling you into a kiss full of passion and sorrow. "You love me" They repeat, practically speaking it back into your mouth. They just need to remind you. "You love me and I love you. I will devote my entire being to you until the end of time if you'd let me"

"Zoë-" Your cries are hushed by their lips. And as bad as you want to accept her into your life, you know you cannot. Your fate had already been decided, long ago. "Hange stop! Don't be so selfish! I am lost right now! I'm in no place to make any kind of decision-" You throw their arms off of you, turning away from their lips.

"You already have!" Zoë yells at you for the first time in their life. "You said yes to him so am I supposed to just let that happen?! You expect me to be okay with this?!"

You start to cry,wiping away one tear at a time. But Zoë is not yet finished. "Marriage is not the only option! You can do whatever you please and I will encourage you! I may not be able to protect you from the judgment of others but I can give you every piece of me that I have to offer"

"Zoë" Your voice is a caustic attempt at speech. The pain comes from a place deep within which has festered for years. You sob like a little girl who has lost her new toy, like a child without a mother. "I can't!"

You are hysterical, face hidden in your hands-full of shame. You aren't sure if you are more ashamed of; being a coward or the fact that you were born this way. You asked for none of this suffering, you crave happiness. "I think you should go"

"So that's it? This is how we are ending things?"

The worst part of it all is that you fail to answer although truth is-you couldn't even if you wanted to. You are far too agitated to even speak. Zoë hugs you tightly-you don't hug them back, you can only cry. Hange kisses your forehead and takes a deep breath in, they will soon forget your scent. What an awful thought.

And they cry too. For the rest of the night, until the early hours of the next morning they cry and mourn the loss of you. They knew it was coming, yet could not have been less prepared. It was too late, they were in far too deep. Your love gave Zoë life, what are they to do without it?

It is a sense of loss they are not familiar with. The loss of something that was never truly there. How do you get over something like that? With no prior experiences to connect this to, no set of rules to play by-Hange finds themself feeling hopeless. They do not enjoy change, it makes them feel itchy and uncertain. It controls her thoughts day and night. Every night they go to sleep hoping that by morning, it will all be over. That she will be over you. The weeks begin to blur by, it feels like it was just yesterday when they last saw you.

Yet at the same time it has felt like years, they remember your touch but soon begin to forget the sound of your voice. It is an off putting feeling they do not imagine themself ever growing accustomed to. The only thing they are certain of is that they will never allow themself to be put in a position to be hurt like this again.

When Erwin gets an invitation to your wedding he tries to hide it but Hange is usually the first person in his office during the mornings. They spot it almost immediately.

And then they feel sick for the rest of the week. They cannot focus on anything. Or think properly. Or eat. Most hours are spent staring blankly ahead. It is so bad that Levi of all people is the one to finally say something.

"Hange, the hell's wrong with you?" Levi questions as his comrade's hands shakily fumble with the ODM gear they were supposed to be fixing. Usually the repair process is quite easy, he has watched them glide through piles of trash and turn it into treasure. But on this particular evening it seems to be taking twice as long.

"Nothing" They insist-voice cold and emotionless.

Levi sighs. There is no one else in the world he would do this for, whom he would press further to delve into their personal problems. He has no idea the amount of times he had to stop members of his squad from doing the same thing. He doesn't care about what the hell anyones has going on outside of work-not one to ever ask a question as simple as 'how are you doing?'. But he will tonight because he cares for his friend although it may be painful to admit. "Any chance this has something to do with the fact that Yn is getting married next week?"

"Oh, is she?" Hange halfheartedly mumbles, simply pretending they cannot hear, the same way they pretend that it does not make them feel sick to be apart from you. "Had no idea" Their vision remains focused on the piece of metal in front of them. They very well may burst into tears should Levi continue to press on the matter.

"Damn it" The man groans. He hates this, he's objectively terrible at conversations like these. But he will do it for Zoë. "You can tell me, you know? I mean I was there when it was all just a stupid delusion-I doubted you for a long time. You know that but in the end you were right-the two of you have something special".

"Had"

"Huh?"

"We had something special. Then James got promoted and her father died, and I was gone, and I never even got the chance to hold her one last time-to love her once more. I came back from a month long expedition just to say goodbye" Hange has finally given up on fixing the gear, now resting back on the cold floor as their brain scrambles for ways to make Levi understand. "I will never be fortunate enough to get the closure I need"

"Closure is for dumbasses" Hange scoffs at the man's words. "It's not real, you have to accept what happened no matter what. If you guys had a conversation today would things still remain the same?"

"Yes" Zoë sighs. And that is the end of the conversation, they do not have it in them to argue. Especially on the topic of you which has been exhausted already. Months have been dedicated to you. Hours of pining and reminiscing on every little thing Hange can remember about you. How it gets harder each day to recall those glimpses of ataraxia the two of you shared.

Those days are over, Hange needs to accept it. They sigh, throwing their head into their hands the night grows into morning. Perhaps they just need some rest, maybe a few days off to collect themself. Rather than throw themself into work in an attempt to forget. Before he leaves, Levi is sure to pat Zoë's shoulder.

"You'll be all right Hange. You deserve better"

Maybe they do deserve better than you. They deserve someone whose love will never be a question, who can be honest in their emotion. It gives her a bit of hope, makes it easier to move through the day. That this is not the end all, be all. There is so much more life to live. It was starting to grow pathetic, really. They must face another day, there are still titans to study after all-more expeditions to be sought out.

Love is the last thing which should consume their mind.

The day after you were supposed to be wed is like any other for Hange. They almost forgot that the wedding was supposed to take place this week. It is hard to ignore that thought completely but they try their hardest.

Although that would soon become impossible seeing that you are marching up the stairs of the Scout Regiment Headquarters. Despite multiple protests for you to turn back around. Especially from Levi-who tried to physically stop you.

"They don't wish to see you" He claims, arms crossed as you are brave enough to push Humanity's strongest square in the chest.

You curse at him. "I didn't ask you, shorty!"

He follows you up the stairs, insults escape his lips when he can think them up. You have no idea what you are doing or where you are, calling out Hange's name at each floor as Levi scolds you.

You are surprised he didn't grab you and throw you back down the stairs. You should be grateful, really.

"Don't you have a husband to nag?" Levi scoffs.

"Don't you?!" You spit back and for a moment he looks genuinely offended. "And no! I do not, thank you very much! I didn't go through with it!"

You begin to run, knowing Zoë has mentioned something about being on the top floors. When you feel like you have gone far enough you walk down a hall which you have no clue will lead you to. It just feels right, something inside tells you Zoë is near. Grabbing a young scout who seems to be on cleaning duty, you scream at them.

"Where is Zoë Hange?!"

They point a terrified shaky finger towards the door at the end of the hall. One that leads directly into Zoë's office. You stumble in without a second thought as to what you would say when you arrive. The idea came this morning to pay a visit to Zoë and you just went with it. The need to see her seemed to override anything else.

Zoë looks up from the papers they were previously filling out, mouth agape to meet the sight of you. The only thing which has, in a word-terrorized their mind for months. "Yn what are you doing here?"

You are gasping, clutching your chest as the many flights of stairs is getting to you. Perhaps the adrenaline of showing up unannounced on the person you love the most was wearing off.

"Zoë" You sigh with the heartache of someone wounded. Someone who is dying. "Oh, my Zoë"

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