#me too kiritsugu me too

[officialtokyosan]

type-moon fans will dig up years old posts of someone talking to themselves and write an essay in excruciating detail that two vehicles are different while being insanely condescending about it even if the entire concept is so irrelevant to the story

[derekscorner]

Fated Rantings: Ground Zero

I finished Fate Zero

And what a ride that was. I don't even know where to start with all of this which shocks me because I went in knowing things would go to hell.

I started my whole Fate journey due to lore videos, curiosity and FGO so (just like the 2006 Fate Stay Night) I had a full grasp of what would happen. To be shocked anyway just goes to show that the cast and their dialogues sell this story.

There's a stark difference between hearing plot points and watching Gilgamesh slowly poke at Kirei's mentality. There's a difference between knowing that Blue Beard is summoned by a serial killer and seeing them discuss the nature of God.

And there's one hell of a difference between seeing memes of Iskander & Waver and seeing what is possibly the best bromance within Type-Moon.

I went into this expecting Saber to be a bit too idealistic and for Kiritsugu to be a badass only to leave it finding Kiritsugu the least interesting compared to everyone else.

Magus Killer Indeed

Now, I do not say that to imply that he lacks depth himself. Kiritsugu is unique in how he operates within his magic world and you're not supposed to view him as idealistically as Irisviel or Shirou do, he's a flawed man with a very fucked up history.

This man, like Shirou, wanted to be a hero of justice as a child. An innocent enough desire but one that was both never tempered in realism and was shattered by realism.

What I mean by that is that Kiritsugu is plagued by a paradox. Yes, the village being turned into ghouls and murdered was bad. Yes, Kiritsugu killing his own father because he felt that "he had too" is a very dark sign of his mentality even as a child.

But these things haunt him, they do not drive him. What drives him is his desire to be that hero. When his world is shattered he takes a dark approach to kill the few to save the many.

It's that pursuit that eventually shatters his goal with the realism of humanity. You can never truly save everyone, other humans will always ruin it.

But the realism that pushes him to try anyway is the grail. In this world the wish granter is real, tangible, thus the paradox. He fully believes the goal shattered by realism can be salvaged by the realism of the grail's existence.

He's usually so pessimistic and realistic in his approaches to the war and battles that it's almost jarring to see his character break once he learns that the grail can't just do anything. You can see that last bit of idealism in his soul die.

Worse, the grail taunts him. It can only grant a wish that a human themselves can understand. As an example;

you can't ask for fire if you do not know how fire operates.

Thus the grail shows him a way to grant his wish but that wish grants nothing. This is very crucial to his breakdown because the grail showed him in the purest terms that;

This is your way of saving others but ultimately it saves no one

That's the point of the boat example. No matter how many you sacrifice for the whole, the survives will further fracture. There will always be a minority and a majority, Kiritsugu's life was essentially pointless in the larger picture.

Now, it'd be too cruel to say his life had no meaning at all. He was willing to sacrifice his mother figure and mentor to stop an undead outbreak. He killed his father because he felt responsible for his actions and Shirley's death.

He had to have done some good, it just wasn't in the way he had hoped. The greatest tragedy here is possibly that he's unable to see it.

We the audience see it in those rare moments of him being a father to his daughter, to Shirou, or a husband to Irisviel. People were drawn to him and loved him and if he had stopped his pursuits for them he may have found a happier ending.

True Emptiness

Then there's this true demon of a man. For all the talk, the praise of their battle, and Kiritsugu's own foreshadowing, I expected a deeper connection between the two.

It's strange, you can't just bring up Kiritsugu's flawed mentality without mentioning Kirei's yet the two only physically met one time. It's fascinating because I expected a bigger grudge or more plot relevance to their dynamic.

Yet, at the same time, their lack of interaction makes the eventual fight more interesting because of where Kirei starts and where he ends.

Intriguingly, Kiritsugu pegs Kirei near instantly. He only had a mug shot and some info on his life but he could instantly tell that there was something very wrong with Kirei. He sensed the lack of love and emptiness and feared him the most.

In contrast, Kirei didn't know Kiritsugu as well as he believed. Half of his emotional journey is realizing that they're not as alike as he thought.

This is best shown in his battle with Irisviel and Maya. He assumes Kiritsugu sent them there to battle him and he can't comprehend it when that's not the case. In his mind he is fully incapable of understanding why those two women would choose to face him.

He can't comprehend the illogical actions love will drive one too.

That said, the far more interesting dynamic in Kirei's life is Gilgamesh. While Kirei fails in his assumption of Kiritsugu and lacks a full understanding of himself it is Gilgamesh who sees through Kirei instantly.

Their talks are some of the most interesting parts in the story because you can tell Gilgamesh is trying to make him realize his own nature. Gilgamesh has no grand reason for doing so, he's just bored.

For all the dorky shit Gilgamesh does, for all the moments of him being oddly good with kids, or a good king (in FGO) you can't forget that Gilgamesh defies morality. He's not above it he just does not consider it.

He seeks entertainment and Kirei is the most interesting thing there. A full grown man unable to feel yet subconsciously seeking too. The answer is always on the tip of Kirei's tongue. (he's in self denial)

It's truly fascinating to watch it unfold. This ancient demigod taking a mentorship-like role just so he can see what Kirei will do.

It's due to these talks of introspection and Kirei's other actions that I find it hard to see the duality of he and Kiritsugu. What ultimately awakens Kirei's understanding is watching Kariya's suffering.

Gilgamesh may point it out but that's moot. It's Kariya's motives that catch Kirei's attention most, it's the drama with Tokiomi that fascinates him, it's saving Kariya and using him later that makes it click for Kirei internally.

You could possibly argue the whole thing is Tokiomi's fault. He gave his daughter to the Matous and even if he was unaware of the torture she'd endure for years that- no wait.

He possibly went wrong the moment he schemed with the church. Watching the Tohsaka's and Kariya play out their drama awoke the monster that is Kirei but it was Tokiomi's fault Kirei was there at all.

It was also Tokiomi that summoned Gilgamesh....hmm there's a lot more to ponder there I guess but let's move on.

I can only praise the depiction of Kirei's awakening so far before it seems like I like his character or adore it. It's fascinating to watch but he's still a monster that shouldn't be walking among men.

The Best Fate Bro to ever live

I wanted to use the last section of this to talk about the best fucking boy. I do not care what anyone tells you, Iskandar is the best bro in the Fate universe.

The very first thing this man does upon being summoned is find a map. With the enthusiasm of a child he admires it looking for where his kingdom is now and seeing the world mapped out in whole.

There's something that is just genuinely pure about Iskandar in Fate/Zero. No heroic spirit is without questionable actions in the modern lens but this story does a good job of blending that by explaining Iskandar's motives.

He has a genuine love of seeing new things. That joy is so pure that his wish for the grail is to be reincarnated so that he can begin his conqueroring anew. I have no earthly clue how he thinks he'll be able to do that in a normal mortal body but no matter because I doubt he's thought that far ahead himself.

His patience in dealing with a prideful child is also second to none. His words are often full of small wisdom to the point I did not keep count of them all nor could I explore it all. He's always pushing his master to try new things and it takes root overtime.

It is very easy to see how Waver could become the popular Lord El-Melloi II in other materials. It all began here, regardless of timelines, there's usually a Waver that fought in the 4th Grail War with Iskander.

I'm not even sure what to write about Waver himself because so much of what made the impression was seeing him slowly changing due to Iskandar's influence.

In a mage society that belittles him for being "new blood" it is Iskandar that continually tries to open his eyes. That's highlighted best when Waver tracks down Caster easily using simpler methods due to his magical limitations.

He views it as bad but Iskandar makes a good point. To do something in a simpler yet equally relevant way (perhaps even better) is a talent worthy of praise. Waver doesn't recognize his own ingenuity nor does he realize that there's merit in someone who can think around their limitations.

It's the core of their dynamic and that moment when Waver goes from being his master mage to his subject is beautiful. That strong loyalty born over the story even saves Waver's life.

Gilgamesh spares him based on that undying loyalty alone. A far cry from where Waver starts.

Kingly Mentality

Before I lose myself in the praise I should point out that Iskandar is no fool. Yes, he rarely plans in Fate Zero and his pure love for the new and patience shapes his bond with his mage.

However, do not mistake that pureness for a simpleton. Iskander is simply straightforward to a fault. His greatest characteristic is that friendly straightforward nature he has.

He's the one servant that repeatedly stops to talk to the others, he's able to get them to talk when they normally wouldn't, and even when he expresses desire to take them into his army those present do not get that offended.

Gilgamesh, the king of arrogance, even begins to shrug this off. On some level he respects Iskandar's nature because he is true to himself.

Still, some do think his attitude toward Saber is bad in regards to the banquet of kings. Now this is tumblr which is bad for seeing what isn't there to begin with or it's twitter which has lost it's critical thinking skills long ago.

What do I mean by this? Simple, while Iskandar and Gilgamesh disagree they at least respect each other as kings. Similarly they disrespect Artoria as king but for differing reasons.

To Iskandar a king is someone who stands above men as a symbol of their ideals. Something to follow, a larger than life person to show them the way.

What lost Iskandar's respect for Artoria's kingship was her wish. Her desire to undo it all, even if for good reasons, is an insult to Iskandar. No matter how tragic he would not change one moment of his life because that would affect everyone that fought for him and with him.

He sees Artoria as a slave of her people and the ideals she was raised on rather than a king that's truly led and valued her men. It is here that some have issues.

We'll argue King Arthur another time, what's relevant is why Iskandar views it. The tragic thing being that he is not entirely wrong.

Artoria was raised to be a king, she was conceived in convoluted magic ways to be England's king, so when he says that he only "sees a girl who could not chase butterflies or fall in love" he is entirely correct.

I do not say that dismissing her choices mind you but she did sacrifice that normalcy regardless. Iskandar, as we've covered, enjoys life at it's core.

So what he sees in Saber is a girl who was denied life. She could not truly enjoy it which disconnected her from her people. He views it as sad and states that one reason for recruiting her into his army is to show her otherwise.

Now as to whether he could have is another topic entirely. What's important is that he can't respect her as a king because he sees a martyr not a king.

The Fate Route of the FSN justifies his views to an extent because Saber eventually finds some things she denied herself in Shirou. She ultimately just needed a chance to be a person and Iskandar wanted to help her do so.

There are some faults in his thinking, yes, but his intentions aren't negative nor his his disrespect of her kingship based on sex. He fully respected Saber as a king until he learned her wish.

Even after he respected her as a warrior and wanted to see her enjoy life...and cut down his enemies BUT STILL.

Conclusion?

Already? So abruptly? Kinda. This got too big to fit into one post and there's a lot I can't find a way to organically work in.

Such as Tokiomi's dumb ass making Kirei Rin's guardian when his wife is perfectly healthy and alive when he writes that will.

Or how Gilgamesh views Saber just as objectively and disrespectfully as you'd expect. His take on her kingship and sex is completely negative and objectifying, a contrast to Iskandar.

Hell the whole mutual respect and differences between Gilgamesh and Iskandar.

I also didn't get to the odd but unnervingly deep take on God between two mass murderers. (Caster & Ryuunosuke)

I definitely don't have it in me to cover Kiritsugu's family. Illyasviel is more of a FSN topic and Irisviel is hard for me to quantify. Her love for her husband and of the small things he showed her was beautiful though.

Oh well, ONTO PART TWO: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/post/737301977761005569/fated-rantings-seiba-pt-2#notes

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For my other experiences with Fate go here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/tagged/fated-rantings

[writingwithcc]

Writing Sample: fanfiction, Legend of Zelda, Breath of The Wild, Zelda and Link, Zelink, General, Blood and Injury, Near Death Experiences, War, End of the World, First Kiss

Drabble based on the beautiful art by Helimarr.  "In the battlefield, there is no place for hope. What lies there is only cold despair and a sin called victory, built on the pain of the defeated." — Emiya Kiritsugu

    Zelda did not know war. She knew of it, had read many leather-bound books on the subject, studied multiple strategies, glanced over painfully detailed illustrations. These things were not war, though. They barely scratched the surface. Books did not mention the stench of blood and sweat and death. Strategies did not say how to handle a clenched heart when loved ones were faced withswords and beams of concentrated power. Illustrations did not show the little stuffed toy left behind, never to be held by its child again.

    Vah Naboris was the first of the Divine Beasts to be infiltrated. It was clear that something was wrong the moment its power ceased, paused as though in stasis, little more than a tall statue of stone. There was nothing they could do.Link had his hands full defending against Bokolin's, Moblin's, Lizalfro's, Wizards— and he defeated them, one by one, while Zeldaprayedin the growing expanse of mud, knees on the ground in submission as she curled inward and whispered her fevered pleas.

    "Hylia, Goddess of Light, Protector of Hyrule, You Who Share My Blood—"

    A Lizalfro shrieked as Link's blade drove through its neck, his grunt rising above the sound.  

    "I ask for Your guidance, I ask for Your light, I ask for Your aid to release my power—"

   Link's grunt. A man's not too distant cry.

   "Grant me my power so I may serve Hyrule in Your name—"

   Crying. Grunting. Shrieking.

   "Give me power, I will serve You, give me power, I will fight for You, give me power—"

   Vah Ruta fell.

   "Hylia, Goddess of Light, Protector of Hyrule, You Who Share My Blood—"

   Vah Rudania fell.

   "I ask for Your aid, grant me power—"

   Link's grunt. A Boboklin's shriek. Groaning and yelling and orders and clanging of steel against steel against flesh.

   "Let me protect them—"

   Vah Medoh fell.

   "Hylia, please!"

   The Castle of Hyrule fell.

   Zelda felt the weight of grief consuming her chest like a parasite, eating hungrily at everything she had, ripping out her heart and gorging on its core. Her father was no longer visible from his tower, and yet their soldiers honored his last command, fighting and dying against the growing wave of strength that engulfed them. They were losing— no. They had lost.

   Link knew. In all the time she had known him, her knight never ran from a fight, yet at that moment, he grabbed her hand and yanked her from the ground. He led them away from the castle and into the forest, pausing only to shoot arrows at the enemies who attempted to follow, his movements quick and precise and deadly upon every impact. They kept running. There was a loud, shuddering burst of dark energy from the castle. They kept running. Their enemies fell far behind and lost their trail, growls, and snorts and shrills fading from earshot. They kept running.

   Everyone was gone. They had lost. Hylia, even then, had refused to answer her call. How despicable must Zelda have been for the Goddess to deny her power, even then?

   You are the heir to a throne of nothing: nothing but failure.

   She didn't know where Link planned on running to. Perhaps he didn't, either. His hand gripped hers so tightly that on some level, Zelda recognized that it hurt, but the pain didn't quite register. She grabbed his just as hard. Then tears began to choke her throat, and she couldn't breathe. Her legs became weak, and her hold on him slipped. The mud beneath her sandals slicked, and Zelda fell in the one moment that Link loosened his hold. He stopped and spun to look at her, eyes wide, searching for danger but finding nothing. Nothing but Zelda on her hands and knees, panting and gripping the earth beneath her hands as though she could strangle an answer out of it.

   "How?" She asked in a broken whisper. "How did this happen?"

   There was the sharp shrill of the Master Sword retreating to its sheath and Link knelt before her. Rain began to pelt against Zelda's back, cold and pitiless. She spoke the words that seemed impossible; the Divine Beasts, their best defense, were now Calamity Ganon's and the Champions were trapped within them. It was all due to Zelda's inability to be worthy of the power that was supposedly hers by birthright. Everything she had done up until this point had been for nothing. 

    She truly was a failure; the sacrifices of those she loved proven meaningless. Her subjects, her Champions—  strong, loving Urbosa (had her death been quick?) Gentle, brave Mipha (she must have been so scared.) Good-hearted, faithful Daruk (did he regret trusting her?) Confident, unyielding Revali (he had surely fought to the end.) Her father. All dead in vain, all dead because she had failed them.

   The barrier Zelda had wrapped so carefully around her heart was ruined, and as she cried out in a painful wail reserved only for the mourning and forlorn, her body slumped into Link's arms. It was the only place that seemed safe. Sobs shook her shoulders, and wordless grief tore at the skin in her throat, stripping it raw, but her cries only came harder in retaliation. She gripped Link’s shirt as he held her. It had taken so many hours to sew the blue tunic he wore. But oh, how proud she had been as they'd stood before her father, displaying her Champions for the world to acknowledge.

   She didn't want to be proud anymore. Hylia could give her every ounce of burden and shame, she had earned it, deserved it, and would shoulder the weight willingly if only things could return as they were. Yet that wasn't an option. There was nothing left to do but face their own eventual deaths, for they could only run so far, and Calamity Ganon would always run further.

    It wasn't fair. Zelda slipped her arm around Link's torso as she buried her face against his chest, calming her thoughts by focusing on the rapid drumming of his heart. She wondered if his heartbeat was always so fast after battle. Her tears began to taste bitter at the realization that she had dreamt in quiet dreams of being held in his arms so many times. It was the smallest indulgence she allowed herself, but their embrace was never meant to be in this way. The moment which she had hoped would be sweet and tender was now stained by blood and sweat and death and rain and her tears. Zelda wondered if it was punishment. Yet Hylia had never been known to be a jealous Goddess, and it had only been an innocent dream, nothing more. She had been good. She hadn't done anything, had kept true to her purpose and devotion, had turned away so many who flickered at her heart. She had been good.

    Goodness had yielded her nothing, though. Zelda's sobbing wore itself out, sputtering until her emotions dried, and Links hold on her never wavered. He didn't speak. She didn't expect him to (what was there to say?) His heart continued to pulse erratically against her cheek. A numb, logical voice in Zelda's mind said that they should get up and keep running. Ganon's creatures would find them eventually if they didn't continue to move, and it was their duty to survive for however long they could.

    She didn't want to. It seemed so futile to fight something that had already won. They were going to die anyway, her and Link, it was only a matter of when. Something about that thought was calming, though. At least soon it would be over. Everything. The pain, the whispers, the humiliation, the grief, the failure— what did it all matter if they were no longer around to experience it? Zelda wondered if they would still be reborn as the prophecy said. Ganon would suck the world dry of its life and leave it a crumbling ruin, so perhaps they wouldn't. Perhaps this was the true end of it all, the destruction of a cycle that was once thought to be eternal.

    The rain continued to fall, and where it had once been painful upon her skin, now it seemed like reverence. It was possible that this would be the last rain to ever fall upon the Earth, as though fate was intent on cleansing the blood which soaked its surface before a final farewell. Zelda took a breath. Then another. She wanted to see Link. If there was nothing else for the world to give, if it was preparing to empty itself of all who had ever known it, then she wanted to at least see Link once more.

    Yet when she pulled back, trails on her cheeks where tears had flowed through dirt, her green eyes couldn't rise to meet him. She had failed so many people. Failed him. The shame still felt so heavy on her neck, domineering and cruel. Even so— even so, her heart retained an ounce of selfishness, and Link stayed so very close. He always stayed close, no matter what came. There was a day when she had stomped her foot at his loyalty but was it any wonder that he won her over in the end?

    Could she truly be blamed for loving him the way that she did, when Link was the way that he was?

    Perhaps Hylia was a jealous Goddess, after all. Perhaps She hated how Link held a part of Zelda's heart that she had not tried to shut close, and perhaps that was her mistake. It didn't matter now. They would be gone soon enough, and Hylia could choose her fate then, could rebirth her into a world of desolation or dissolve her into true nothingness. For now, Link was with her. For now, he was close, and her lips weren't far from his, and when she tilted her chin up they were even closer, he was closer, and it wouldn't take much to indulge as Zelda had never truly indulged before. There was no reason not to. Beneath the scent of a battlefield, there was simply Link, and it reminded her of a wild wind. 

    They would die, anyway. They had lost, anyway. Why not, her mind begged, why not?

    Link was the source of temptation and resistance. It made sense now why Hylia preferred him over her, for Zelda was selfish, and the Chosen Hero was noble. She couldn't drag him down to her level. Whatever punishment awaited,he didn't deserve it. However delicious the heat from his mouth might taste, it was not hers to take. Zelda squeezed her shut eyes ever tighter as though she could will her vile heart away and lowered her chin. She felt Link's hand cup her face, comforting and warm and more than she deserved. In the space between their chests, she breathed the words, "I'm sorry."

    Then Link's other hand was upon her, calloused fingers splayed across her cheek, passionate and desperate as the kiss he pressed to her lips. He tasted better than Zelda's darkest thoughts had ever imagined. While his hands were rough, his lips were so unbelievably soft, and it seemed as though they melted against her like the honey he so loved to drizzle upon baked apples. It was wonderful.

    Zelda's sob broke the kiss, short and sharp as it tore open her mouth to cry, but before Link could pull away she tugged him closer. Her lips were on his and her hands slipped around his neck, up into his hair, fingers tangling themselves in everything that was him. He was covered in dirt and sweat and other's blood, and he was perfect. Hylia was right to be jealous.

    She moved her kiss to the corner of his mouth, his temple, his forehead.

    I love you.

    He kissed her cheek, her neck, her shoulder.

    I love you.

    Her hands gripped the sides of his face. His hands gripped the back of her head. Their lips met once more and refused to be parted, the heat necessary as air. If what they did was indeed desecration, then sacrilege was sweet and worth damnation. 

    I love you.

    At that moment, Zelda decided that Link would not die. She would, and that was fine, perhaps that was the way it was always meant to be— but he would live. When it came time, she would tell him to run (he wouldn't listen), she would tell him to leave her (he never would), and she would defend him (she didn't know how.) Hylia could have her failed reincarnation and do with her as She saw fit, but Link was no longer Her Chosen Hero. He was Zelda’s, and he was all she had. He was the only person she loved left to protect, and losing him was not an option. 

    She would have spent an eternity with him. But eternity was brought to a close by the familiar, almost musical beeping of a Guardian preparing to attack. Ever the knight, Link was quick to shove Zelda behind him and draw the Master Sword once more, plunging it into the Guardian’s glowing blue eye. He defeated it. More came. He stabbed the inner workings of their gears, slashed their mechanical legs, and reflected parts of their blasts with a well timed tilt of his blade. Over and over, the Guardian’s challenged him, drawing them out of the forest. Over and over, Link laid them slain amongst patches of flames left in his trail of destruction. 

    But Link, for all his bravery, was not immortal. His strength waned, his speed slowed, and little by little, even The Hero of Hyrule would fall. 

[brave-symphonia]

Shirou: I see. I guess there's nothing for it, huh? Kiritsugu: Ha. yeah. There really isn't. Kiritsugu gave a set reply. So of course my own words were decided as well. Shirou: Yeah, since you can't do it, I'll become one in your place. You've already grown up so it's impossible for you, but if I do it, it should be fine. Leave your dream to me. Before I could finish with that, my dad smiled. It was a face that said he didn't need to hear the rest. Emiya Kiritsugu took in a long breath that said 'I see', Kiritsugu: Yeah-thank you. he quietly closed his eyes, and with that, he never woke up again.

Oh, Kerry.

What have you done to your son.

I honestly don't want to put too much blame on him, I think you can give him a bit of the benefit of the doubt here.

Like, he was just sharing how he had idealistic dreams as a kid, but that those became impossible for him as he got older, and felt happy at the idea of his son trying to live idealistically.

I don't think he realized just how big of an effect this would have on Shirou, just how much this conversation would break him.

Although, him dying in this scene really didn't help matters, like that makes it so much more impactful. Which is a part of the reason I'm still upset at the anime being a bit unclear about that detail.

[maddyshome]

Sukuna does not have hope and Yuuji is hope. He's the kind of person who makes you believe the human race is not hopeless and selfish and corrupt. And that's why he irritates Sukuna. Because he contradicts everything Sukuna knows of the world.

Sukuna is a pessimist and Yuuji is an optimist. I think Sukuna doesn't think humans can ever be truly good. At least he didn't think so until Yuuji. That's what he means Yuuji's soul is indestructible. It's hope that drives him. Without hope we give up, we stand down and lose ourselves in the cruelty of this world.

Jogo was similar too. He had hope for his own group, for curses. Jogo hoped that curses will become the true humans if actual humans were eliminated. If Jogo did not hope then he would simply be fine living the life of a simple curse with no higher goal. I think...in a messed up way, that's how curses develop until they become individuals.

And I know that sounds like the "nakama power" thing, but I see it as valid. Humans would no longer be alive if we didn't hope for a better future.

It reminds me of a scene from Fate/Zero between Saber and Kiritsugu. Idk if anyone knows what I'm talking about, but well the conclusion of that scene is that this character, Kiritsugu, was the pessimistic soldier that thinks heroes do not exist. They are just fantasies we like to believe in. And the other character, Saber, calls him out by basically telling him that proves that he once wanted to be a hero too.

[kaibutsushidousha]

Do you think Japanese names should be localized as is (Family Name first) or should the order be in keeping with western order (Family Name last)? Does context matter?

The answer to "Does context matter?" will always be yes. That said, while I have many examples where Western name order is acceptable, I don't have any examples where it's preferable.

Western name order was invented to more easily acclimate the English-speaking world to Japanese names. Still, Chinese people have been part of their cultural sphere for much longer and have never been subjected to Western name order (correct me if I'm wrong, I've never researched this in depth). Later, with the popularization of Korean media, the Koreans didn't get their name order reversed either. The phenomenon seems exclusive to Japan as far as I've seen it.

Until a few years back, I was of the mind that Western name order was preferable by default, but actually talking to Japanese people about it showed most of them don't like their names used in reverse order, so now I avoid Western name order for real, which is slowing bleeding into me avoiding it for fictional characters too.

Another factor to consider is that Western name order was created as part of a process of acclimation to a new foreign culture and I feel like we're already at the point where America and Europe are already acclimated. The transition period is already over and Western name order can retire with its purpose fulfilled. However, I admit my lens here is very biased by my extensive contact with Japan and its culture.

But for a more nuanced discussion here, let's assume Western name order is still preferable by default and look at examples of where I would have used Eastern name order even when that was the mindset.

Steins;Gate is an example of a thing I'd maintain in Eastern name order since the original LabMem call each other nicknames based on this name order (Okarin for Okabe Rintarou, Mayushii for Mayuri Shiina, and Daru for Hashida Itaru) and there are a lot additional jokes based on those nicknames. I could adapt all of those if I were to insist on Western name order, but that's too much extra work for no tangible benefit. Not to mention the average otaku level of the cast raising the Western accessibility bar regardless of what name order we're going with.

That said, Sagrada Reset has a lot less pushing factors than Steins;Gate but I still opted for Eastern name order in my translation just to accommodate the wordplay with Oka Eri's name. Just one small thing like this is enough.

Another example of a series where Western name order doesn't work is Type-Moon, mostly thanks to the Fate/ side that currently comprises 80% of it. Many Servants are Chinese (+ a Vietnamese pair), who don't customarily get Western name orders, so it would feel randomly inconsistent if the Japanese characters did. Any series that plays multiculturalism as a major element should default to each character's original name order to better express differences between nations. There is also how the text itself plays with name order, which is a neat thing to reflect in a translation. I'm talking about how every Japanese character uses Eastern name order for Rin, Shirou, Ayaka, Kiritsugu, Aoko, Touko, etc. while the majority of the Clock Tower/Snowfield people use Western name order. Waver being a rare English man who calls Japanese people by Eastern name order informs character, for example.

Lastly, I have Danganronpa as an example of a series where it's okay to use Western name order. The only major nickname involving Eastern name order is Harumaki, which needs to change anyway for some puns. All characters have Japanese names except Celestia Ludenberg and Sonia Nevermind, and those two don't swap the order of anyone's name, so you're not removing any level of characterization unique to them by working this change. No harm to be had.

[lastencoregraphics]

GIFTOBER 2022: DAY 11 - VEHICLES

See? See? This thing really flies! Y-youre a surprisingly advanced driver... Oh, yes! I may not look like it, but I’m a driving maniac! Of all the toys Kiritsugu has given me, this is definitely my favorite! It’s a toy? Back at the castle, I could only do laps around the inner courtyard. So this feels great! Wouldn’t hiring a chauffeur have been better? Oh, that’s no fun. I mean, it’s too dangerous. What if the enemy were to ambush us? I suppose...

[whatsyourcolor]

I had been a Psycho-Pass fan since the anime premiered in 2012, but I disconnected myself of the series after the first movie. I'm still waiting to see Providence, so I can't judge until I see it by myself but reading how Kougami seems more emotionless leaves me....worried that the new writers have made him like that so they could push their "no romance" agenda in the series. It also makes me miss Urobuchi: say whatever what you want about the man, but a thing I always had loved about him is how he never was afraid to make his stoic and cold characters shown a vulnerable side of them and break the mask when they are confronted with losing those they care for - for what I read on his portrayal of Kiritsugu in the Fate/Zero light novels as well Homura Akemi in Madoka Magica - which leaves me wondering how he would had handled Kougami and his interactions with Akane if he had written Providence. Maybe is the Shinkane shipper and UroGen fan in me that feels doubly dissapointed, but still I'll wait to see the movie to form my opinion.

Ugh, this is so true. I feel like sometimes they see Kogami as this overused hyper-macho trope who is unable to express anything, and he's masculine, sure, but he's also sensitive and introspective. That's what made him interesting in S1. He cared about Kunizuka, about Sasayama. He was pissed as hell when he suspected Kagari had been killed. He cared about Masaoka.

I agree and suspect what you say is true. The writers are terrified of any whiff of romance in Psycho-Pass. That's why they gave up on the subtleties of any relationship and compensate with guns, fights and explosions. But if everyone is just "there", what are the stakes? Why should we care if someone dies since there's no relationship developed between the characters?

It would've been interesting to see Kogami struggle with the possibility of being close to someone. Being clumsy and stupid because he has no experience, but trying to connect with Gino and with Akane. Make an effort. And then see all of them finally reconnect in a way. They had it all set up with the Sinners of the System movies. I don't know what happened there.

I also wish Urobuchi would've contributed to Providence. He would have killed half the cast, but now Psycho-Pass feels too safe. No real risk. No dramatic peaks. I don't think we will see anything of the level of Yuki and Ko in the killing subterranean maze, or Akane hitting Makishima with a helmet, or the psychopathic perversions of the rich. It's not that show anymore without Urobuchi.

Please share your thoughts when you watch the movie! It'll be interesting to see how everyone interprets what's going on.

[akilice]

Swap chapter 15 preview ^_^

“Kirei.” Rin walked towards him. “I need you to come with me. Hakuno’s injured, and I’m not good enough to heal her!”

“Hakuno?” Kirei paused. “Ah yes, the girl who took Emiya Shirou’s place. You should bring her here instead, I’ll be able to work better.”

“No! Moving her would be too dangerous.” Rin clenched her fists and took a deep breath. “Please, Kirei.”

Kirei paused and stared at his student. Rin didn’t know what he was thinking, but she noticed his eyes moving to Saber.

“That would be an issue. I can’t come with you when there’s a servant ready to rip me to shreds.”

What?

Rin turned to Saber, and she was taken back by the look of hostility on her face. She looked like she was ready to kill him.

“Saber?”

“…What is a Master from the last war doing here? I remember that Kiritsugu shot and killed you.”

“Saber. Now isn’t the time to-”

“Rin.” Saber took a step forward and stood between the two of them. “I met this man ten years ago. It was during a meeting with Archer’s master.”

“A meeting arranged by your father, Rin.” Kirei folded his hands behind his back. “I am shocked. A servant should not be able to recall the events of a previous war.” His expression hardened. “I am intrigued. What are you, Saber?”

“…We can talk about this later, Saber. Right now, Hakuno’s life is-”

“Rin. We can’t just take this man to her.” Saber’s eyes softened when she turned to look at her. “The eighth servant who attacked us tonight, is the previous war’s Archer. If there is anyone who knows why that servant is still here, it must be him.”

Rin’s eyes widened.

“My… father’s archer?”

[neomedievalist]

in honor of apron boy talk about shirou and cooking... can you tell i miss today's menu

SO FUCKING TRUE. shirou cooking makes me so so so happy (I also love cooking) and i don't know how canon today's menu for the emiya family is (yes i know its hollow ataraxia canon so like, kind of) but the episode where shirou learns to cook for kiritsugu is sweet and then really sad when you think about it. he learned to do housework because kiritsugu always kinda sucked at taking care of himself and others, and taiga was Not helping, and. honestly. that's really sad that he was like 8 and managing a household while kiritsugu was off doing kiritsugu things (you know.) i think the episode itself is..really sweet. shirou trying really hard to make him happy is sweet, his determination to do well and make people happy is cute but makes my heart hurt. i'll have to save my thoughts on their relationship for another post tbh. but for me his cooking is something he started doing maybe not under the best circumstances, but grew to enjoy (to the extent that he can enjoy anything.)

i really love and find sweet how this ties into sakura as well, because she thinks from the outside that he's got it all together and he's super competent not knowing the emptiness that kinda led to him doing all this stuff for other people. they both kind of look to cooking as an escape from their thoughts and a chance to make someone else smile. it also means so much to me because of it being a more feminine trait (that and the cleaning) that he's a Little embarassed at and makes little copium comments scattered here and there about it but everyone around him loves his cooking so much that he can't be that embarassed about it. The cooking scenes in the vn are incredibly sweet but you have to note the amount of times he specifically tries to make an extra big or special meal when he's anticipating a fight (usually about his behaviour, lol). I love that he's just used to making an apology meal to try to distract people from the fact that he's being stubborn and annoying. i love him.

(Fate spoilers under the cut bc i know some oomfs do intend to read it)

i also think its reallyyy really sweet when archer is shown cooking like the fact that its something that still gives him satisfaction..that cute little hand on hip he does after rin says the tea is good in the anime LOL. and of course the archer cooking episode in todays menu. theyre all so sweet. hes lost so much but he still likes to make people smile and he still feels oddly competitive about it too. it's really precious. i think about that today's menu episode a lot. you have to think about how long it had been, for him, since he made a meal for saber. aaaaaaaaugh.

[goblinbugthing]

okay uhh confession.

the fate series DID originally have roots in porn BUT those were the visual novels. there’s no porn in Fate/Zero nor Unlimited Blade Works (also good, happens 10 years after Fate/Zero if you wanna see the unresolved plot lines)

there’s implied sex in the Heaven’s Feel movies but not actually shown. I don’t know about the Fate route or any other series. gee this complicated things more. anyway you’ll be safe.

point is Fate/Zero ROCKS and it’s messed me up. you’re right the cast IS really hot. Kiritsugu and Lancer are my faves but Iri and Saber and Archer are good too

im gonna send this to my brother and i can almost guarantee that hell respond with “yeah ive seen that too” and then explain the plot

and yeah…… saber my beloved………………………

[rex101111]

Shirou absolutely calls Taiga “mom” sometimes. You can’t convince me otherwise he absolutely does.

Its rare, he has to be dead on his feet tired for it to happen, but he absolutely calls her “mom”. Neither of them mention it because the implications of that are so fucked up its not even remotely funny, but the first time Shirou worked himself to exhaustion with housework because Taiga looked away for too long and didn’t stop him in time, and she had to carry him to his room and tuck him in, she patted his hair and sighed and right before she left the room she heard him mumble “mom” and she had to leave the room very very quickly because she didn’t want to wake him up with her crying.

I think Shirou and Taiga’s dynamic is something between “tooth rooting sweetness” and “oh god that’s so fucked” because of the events of Fuyuki and because of Shirou’s relationship with Kiritsugu and how it so very visibly fucked him up and how Taiga knows how much its fucked him up so on the one hand she’d give her life for this boy but on the other hand she absolutely doesn’t believe she deserves to be called that because half the damn time the kid is the one taking care of her because getting drunk is easier than dealing with memories of blood and fire, she loves him but he needs to love someone else because Taiga Fujimura isn’t the one who deserves it.

(Shirou doesn’t know why he does it either. Because Fuji-nee is Fuji-nee and she isn’t even that old and he doesn’t even really remember his mom enough to make the comparison but like always Shirou makes do with what he has, but sometimes Taiga looks at him with a sad smile that makes her look a decade older and. and sometimes words just fit even if they don’t make sense.)

[derekscorner]

Fated Rantings: Seiba Part 2

Zero Seiba, all Tragedy

For my second part of my Fate Zero rambling I decided to dedicate it too Saber herself because my first Seiba post was after the 2006 Fate Stay Night and mostly about her.

Am I obsessed? Yes, all jokes aside, I am to a degree because I grew up liking those king arthur legends. I knew very little as a child but I always loved a King Arthur or Robin Hood story.

And for reasons I won't fully reiterate I do find fascination (and humor) in how accurate Fate is to Arthurian legends despite gender bending the central figure himself.

Saber is very tragic due to these things. Lived as a man in an age that won't let women rule, chosen by a sword to be king, wielding another sword (alongside a holy spear and scabbard) that rendered her ageless, and raised on the idealism of the perfect king.

Her life was full of sacrifice and convoluted magic. When someone like Iskander says she was a "little girl who couldn't chase butterflies or fall in love" or when someone says she was a king who could not understand the hearts of men there is some truth to it.

In a lot of ways she was set up for failure from the start albeit not by intent.

Stark Differences

If you've read the first post then you're likely wondering what else I could say. If you haven't, here: Seiba Part One

I do not think you'll need it but if you're the type to see this and immediately try and draw me into "they treat that way cause WOMEN" then read it. It may not be to your standards but I explain my draw to this character well and my respect for her depiction. I also freely admit that I believe people project quickly at the cost of critical thought but that's a separate rant.

What is relevant here is how does Zero hurt or help how Saber is portrayed in Fate Stay Night... which is hard to answer because every fate work is it's own timeline. (including Fate/Zero)

When you watch Fate Zero you're seeing a slightly (or perhaps greatly) alternative take on the 4th Grail War that Saber mentions in Fate Stay Night.

Her own memories of the 4th Grail war aren't complete. Servants aren't supposed to remember things from one summoning to another either.

Even so I think Zero adds to her. It may be differing timelines but the character is the same at their core....I wonder how many I just pissed off by saying that.

While Fate Zero is praised it also has people who dislike her depiction within it. The Saber we see is very staunch about chivalry and honor and so on. To some this makes her seem overly idealistic compared to her other depictions.

It can even seem overly childish compared to her own past and how she used soldiers in warfare. I won't even disagree on that front, this Saber is idealistic.

But I think that is with intent. She was raised by and fell to the flawed idealism of mankind. Plus, I think that was to parallel her master Kiritsugu and his wife Irisviel.

They too were idealistic on what the grail could actually do and servants always have some form of parallel to their summoner. In FSN she parallels Shirou's heroic complex and sacrificial tendencies.

In Fate Zero she parallels Kiritsugu's flawed idealism.

Point A to B

If we're running on the assumption that FSN and Fate Zero had near identical events then I'd also argue that this depiction of her is meant to show how she got to her depiction in FSN.

Zero shows us how others such as Kirei, Gilgamesh, or Kiritsugu got to where they are. It only makes sense that this had similar effects on Saber who remembers some vague aspects of the 4th War.

In Fate Zero she tells her fellow kings that she wishes to save Britain but in FSN she wishes to undo the sword selection itself. In Fate Zero she a bit more laid back compared to her serious to business take in FSN.

Even if she doesn't fully remember that 4th War it scarred her like the others. The idea that she was a bad king and other negative ideals started to internalize somewhat. Now, we all know there's only some truth in those statements but what we know vs what she believes is different.

I am not saying Fate Zero did it well but I am arguing that this may have been the intention. Her acceptance and growth in FSN's Fate Route benefits from it I'd argue.

It's not necessary since FSN can be read/watched as is but I do appreciate the attempt. I do not consider Saber naive but I do think she was made into a king based on naive ideals.

A King that doesn't know mens Hearts

Another line that I've seen some disdain for. I do not fully agree with it either but there is something to be said for the few times there's some truth in the statement.

The show makes Lancelot the pinpoint of that negative thought process but I feel that's where the other fans get offended. Yes, she didn't fully understand her knights or people but that's more to do with her denying herself her own humanity throughout life.

When I see that fight I saw no confusion on Lancelot's part. He fully understood Arthur, his issue was that he couldn't handle that truth. He deserved the punishment that Guinevere was given in his mind.

Arthur was a perfect king for a horribly imperfect people.

No, the moment the show highlights truth in that line is with Kiritsugu. They never got along and after episode 16 I did not think that highly of him either. He did things so dirty in that episode that I had a visibly disgusted reaction, I can only imagine what she felt as he ruined a fight between two true knights.

She could never understand her master and that was the recipe for ruin from the start. She said it herself in the finale how could "she ever understand a man through three command spells"

The Banquet of Kings

I can't end this without mentioning the infamous Banquet of Kings. The start of Saber's spiral into self doubt.

There's a lot of talk about this scene, the good and ills of it, I wrote a lot about it when talking about Iskander in the previous post. That's not a plug like the first link, it's just a scene with that much to discuss.

For Saber specifically, this was a banquet with demeaning outcomes. Her role as a king was discarded quiet harshly albeit for two differing reasons.

For Gilgamesh she is just a fool. To him she becomes an interesting toy to objectify and own, all the negatives that people get from that talk come from him. That is within his character though, I do not say that as an excuse but because there's no other outcome.

For Gilgamesh to even respect Iskandar as a king/conqueror by the end of Zero is more than I actually expected of him. In his mind he IS the king and anyone else is a joke.

Iskandar was a bit more nuanced. He never disrespected Saber for being female nor as a warrior. She does lose his respect as a fellow king but only after he hears her wish. To him, it's an insult to all those that served her to undo their work and sacrifices.

He also, correctly, identifies her as someone raised trapped in ideals that didn't get a chance to be a person. He words it as "a little girl that didn't get to chase butterflies or fall in love" but the thing he finds sad about her is that lack of choice period.

Ultimately, there is one other key factor that the two actually agree on. Although they differ on why a king stands above other men they do at least agree that they do so.

Saber, in contrast, has a less archaic view that kings serve the people. Now is this wrong? That's hard to say since I'm from an age where monarchy is largely dead.

However, I do think Iskandar is right to the extent that kings inspire. They don't always lead or inspire for good reasons but there is a core logic of a leader present.

I also agree that the lack of childhood or basic human wants hurt her reign. You can make all the jokes you want about a 35yr old woman acting childish in FSN or Ataraxia, that makes sense to me and, it's something she needed more of.

If she had more of that core human experience earlier she may have been able to lead Camelot to a less tragic end. If nothing else, perhaps more of the ones that should've understood her would've.

One of the better retroactive connections here is her accepting things in FSN's Fate Route. She no longer desires to undo it all finding value in her and her comrades efforts. Something that only comes from the normalcy she gains from living with Shirou.

Conclusions?

All in all what I mean to say is that I appreciated her depiction in Zero. It's not flawless but I do see some of the things reflected in her original depiction. I see the attempt to explain some of it.

More than anything else, it helps me appreciate more her growth in FSN's story. All she really needed was someone to let her be a person rather than an ideal king or weapon. (like kiritsugu)

I have no deeper meaning, I just wanted to ramble and discuss the banquet scene. Also, no, I did not forget the amazing Iri & Saber dynamic. I just do not know what to say.

It was wholesome, Saber rocks a suit, and never let Iri drive. Goodnight everybody!

=====================

For my other experiences with Fate go here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/tagged/fated-rantings

[avicebro]

Give me something you like about Chloe :)

SEE THE THING IS... There is a lot to say about Chloe. If we do hard mode, and don't go "oh she could have been so much more compelling if we didn't just always resort to lolicon fanservice" though:

One thing I see about Chloe often is that she takes from Illya's character, as the Illya in Prisma Illya does not exhibit the sadistic and cruel qualities of her Stay Night counterpart. Instead, some of them are taken by Chloe, and others dropped entirely. While it would have been nice to see a full 'Illya from F/SN as a magical girl' premise come to light, just cause I think it'd be funny, I don't think Chloe is fully the one at fault for Prisma Illya and /SN Illya being different.

I think, in turn, Chloe's existence gives us more insight into Illya's character. Firstly, besides Gilgamesh's card, Archer's card is the only one that actually changes the personality/appearance of its user. We see this with Shirou, as well, but both he and Illya have a tie to Archer. Since we haven't seen any others use the card, it then suggests that maybe the Archer card is only able to change those who matter to Archer.

With Chloe's existence, it demonstrates that Archer - and in that sense, Shirou - have an important relationship with Illya, to the point that Archer's card merged with her changes her. It frees Chloe, who, remember is all that Kiritsugu and Irisviel locked away so Illya could be a normal girl.

In that sense, Chloe is to Illya as Archer is to Shirou. I know, that sounds a bit obvious - but in two routes, Archer sacrifices himself in order for Shirou to live. By locking herself, and the grail, away, Chloe allows Illya to live. And I think that's compelling, both from the sense that Shirou matters so much to Illya that it changes her, and that even though shunned, Chloe continues to protect a person who may have never known you.

I think too that the premise of an 'evil' version of yourself, desperate for family and for love, is something many people can relate to.

Also she's funny as a straight man. I know that the manga has it so that it's sometimes Illya or Chloe as the straight man, but idk the line delivery just works better for Chloe.

[roseofcards90]

UBW general thoughts!!! FATE SPOILERS FOR UNLIMITED BLADE WORKS ROUTE BELOW PUTTING A READ MORE JUST IN CASE 😭

I think this route was absolutely amazing. I loved every moment with how the plot just kept going and going, never really stopping for one second and I was all here for it. Everything with Archer and Shirou was just well executed, and if I didn’t have a pea for a brain, I would definitely go more into the whole ideal theme UBW has and how Shirou’s ideal and his view on that ideal evolves as the route goes on. The moment where Rin and Saber become master and servant, Archer when he blatantly reveals his projection powers and reality marble, Heracles’ battle against Gilgamesh, and Lancer in this whole route tbh were a lot of my main favorite highlights of the route!

That being said, I do have a bit of a few minor gripes for some of the writing, specifically with Rin and Shirou’s relationship and how it plays in the final act. This may be more of a personal feeling, but I’m not the biggest fan of the Rin/Shirou romantic pairing; I don’t think UBW as a whole brought enough to make me endeared to their dynamic in a romantic aspect, but I love their dynamic in a general sense because I see both of their characters as foils to each other due to their vastly different lives as a result from the same war. Not only that, Shirou is one of the few people to really understand Rin’s nature and inner kindness, as well as how she struggles with her emotions and being vulnerable. I do feel, however, that Rin’s relationship with Archer stuck out way more to me because of their trust and final parting (more similarities with the Fate route which I appreciate) and that it didn’t feel forced to be a romance; in fact, it played more off of gratitude than anything else because of how Rin saved Shirou in the prologue, because she saved him it became the catalyst for Rin to summon Archer and have him be her servant, which I felt was such an amazing tie in with both their characters and with the way the prologue addresses both of their perspectives. And this underlying gratitude and thanks is addressed again in the ending when Archer disappears because Rin promises him yet again she’ll look after his younger self, to make sure he doesn’t stray from his own path. The thanks Archer gives at the end and their parting had so much more impact for me than anything regarding Rin and Shirou’s romance if I’m being truly honest 😭

— Speaking of Rin’s character, I think UBW missed a major part of Rin’s character they could’ve addressed, and that is her relationship with her father. This is mostly glossed over the fact and is really only touched upon when Kirei reveals that he was the one to have killed him. They kind of touched upon it earlier in the route? When Rin first takes Shirou to her house and she explains how much she’s bothered by how Kiritsugu handled Shirou when it came to teaching magic. The scene here hints to an underlying resentment and jealously from Rin when it comes to Shirou, not only because he essentially became a master with barely any training in contrast to her who’s been training her whole life for this war, but also because Shirou was lucky to have a parent there with him. Shirou had a father who took care of him and stayed with him, which I think deep down Rin had wanted from her father too despite on the surface she doesn’t take criticism of her father lightly. Addressing this sort of discrepancy and complexity Rin has with her father would’ve added another layer to her being a foil to Shirou, and it would’ve shown explicitly that Rin isn’t entirely gung-ho when it comes to simply just fulfilling her dead father’s legacy blindly, that having her also question her own views of her father would’ve been so interesting to see as an internal conflict of hers imo.

What kind of mainly bothered me about UBW was how Rin’s flaws were never really addressed(?) I think is the right word I’m trying to say 😭 but with the way Rin has people here who understand her true nature (Shirou, Saber, and Archer), I do want to see a situation play out to where her emotional constipation and her struggles with vulnerability backfire heavily for her, and as a result, she herself has to fix it and learn to be more vulnerable with the people she loves and cares about. I think that would be such a great resolution to her overall character, and from what I know about Heaven’s Feel and how UBW sets up for that route specifically, I have high expectations since I’ve also heard Rin plays a major role in Heaven’s Feel as well.

— As for how the true ending played out, I was a bit skeptical as to why Shinji of all people had to survive at the end, especially when this guy was heavily implied to have sexually assaulted Ayako earlier in the route and would’ve assaulted Rin if not for Lancer 😭 the only reason I can think of as to why this route kept him alive was because of Shirou’s ideal to “save everyone” but other than that, I don’t think him surviving really adds anything else to the route itself. I also think the true end didn’t expand on said romantic relationship between Rin and Shirou that much, barely even at all in the original VN scenes. Although, from what I’ve seen of the anime adaptation of UBW, they did add a lot more to the epilogue when it came to Rin and Shirou attending college as well as additional cute moments between them that I feel the VN really needed for their relationship; the extra scene where they’ve built a grave for Saber also was very sweet and touching, so I’ll give credit where it’s due for the anime in adding more content to the true ending I feel it desperately needed.

It’s because of this lack of completeness I felt for the true ending that I ended up preferring the good ending over it 😭 and I don’t think that’s mainly because of the polycule stuff. As much as I love all the moments between Shirou Rin and Saber as a trio, I feel like this ending did a better job in solidifying the bond between the 3, as well as still establish the possibility of Rin teaching Shirou magic, so it’s not completely far off from the true end, but tbh it just feels more complete to have Saber still be there because of how important as a person she is to both Rin and Shirou.

Even in the final fight of the route, it felt more of a Rin and Saber and Shirou fight instead of an oriented fight with Rin and Shirou being the main focuses, and I think that’s what really strayed me from the Rin and Shirou romance especially with coming off of the Fate route 😭 because my expectations were that Rin and Shirou’s relationship were going to be a major focus in the final fight, but it turned out to be more of the trio’s relationship with each other instead.

— And this one isn’t really a critique, but Illya was surprisingly very absent in this route. With the exception of being in the very beginning and in one of the final fights in the end against Gilgamesh, Illya doesn’t play a major role, which I think could only mean her importance and focus is played up a lot more in Heaven’s Feel instead.

[votestaynight]

8th day "Sword and Magic II"/9th day "NEO" (scene 1)

"Fuji-Nee. It's fine that you eat apples, but eat your requirements. Those oranges you bought… there's still a boxful of them."

"Aw, I remember that now…. Uhh, I'm tired of eating oranges." Fuji-Nee says this, digging her fangs… I mean, her teeth into the apples.

"What do you mean, you're tired of eating them? Remember I was against it? Even though there's only me, Sakura, and you, you bought nearly 10 mochi and 3 boxes of oranges. You buy too much just because it's New Years. There's still a box left even though it's February. If you let it rot, I'll make you pay for all of it.

"Ugh. …I'm just asking, but, how long does it take for oranges to rot?" "Oh, about 2 weeks to a month in normal temperatures. They're almost out." Well, I kept them in the ice room, so they should be good for a bit longer.

"Gah, so now's the time to eat and time to rot?" "…Fuji-Nee. Never live by yourself. Food poisoning is scary nowadays. Check the expiration date on your food and watch out for fish in the summer."

"It's fine, I'll just come to your place when that happens. You can just give me the leftovers." "…I won't give you leftovers, you idiot. You eat a lot. If you're going to come and eat, I'll prepare some for you too." I avert my gaze and start preparing dinner again.

"Hm. Then I'll make lots of money and give you money for food. You're good-for-nothing like Kiritsugu-san, so I expect you'll be always in trouble for money."

"Keep talking. …Anyways, why did you get so many oranges? You should know Sakura doesn't like those kinds of fruit, and I don't eat much either." It's a good opportunity, so I ask her a question I've been wondering since the New Year.

"Hmm, I don't know. Oh, but Orange-peko sounds good, right?" "―――――" …Well. I guess it was stupid of me to hope for a logical answer from Fuji-Nee.

Preparation for dinner ends, and the time is past seven. Fuji-Nee and Saber are in the living room, and only Tohsaka is absent.

"…I wonder if something happened to her outside." I don't think Tohsaka is the type to make that kind of mistake, but I think she does make big mistakes sometimes. "――I guess I'll go take a look." I should be fine by myself if I'm just going to go search around the house.

I exit into the hallway. The instant I try to leave, the door opens and Tohsaka in her coat arrives home.

"Tohsaka." "I'm home. What, are you greeting me in an apron? You look pretty good in it."

Tohsaka makes that humorous comment without even twitching her brow. …She's scary. People who can put on a serious face while joking are the scariest.

"Tohsaka, what were you――" As I try to ask her what happened, I notice the blood on her hand. …A small stain of blood and a swollen index finger. Could that be…?

"Tohsaka. I'm going to guess about something bad." "What? I won't listen if it's anything stupid." "It's not. Have you punched someone?"

"Correct. I gave that annoying Shinji some knuckles." Tohsaka snorts and passes by me.

"……" I see, some knuckles for Shinji. Now I understand the blood on her hand and the swelling on her finger――hang on!!!

"Hold on, hold on, hold on! What do you mean, you punched Shinji!?" "You're being loud. He was being annoying, so I beat him up."

"Beat him up… you mean, with bare knuckles?" "Bare as it can be. A grizzly bear, too." Tohsaka snorts again.

"……" "……" A brief silence. I don't know what to say, so I just shut my mouth and cause an awkward silence.

"…Let's get back to the main subject. You said you punched Shinji, but why?"

"It's only natural I punched him. He was talking about things like me joining him, and you being useless so I should give up on you. He said stupid things after calling for me, so I punched him to make him shut up."

"……" No, isn't that a little too short-tempered, Tohsaka? …Or could it be? Did Shinji say something stupid enough to even piss off the ever-calm Tohsaka?

"…Why are you looking at me like that? I'll say this, but I'm the victim here." "No, both sides are equally responsible, right? …But still, why would Shinji say something like that to you? He said he wanted me to cooperate with him."

"Who knows? Maybe he thinks of you as a rival or something. He was acting weird ever since I told him I was living with you."

"What!? Tohsaka, you told him about us!?"

"Yeah, I did. I think it was yesterday morning. Shinji called me and said proudly that he became a Master like me now. He pissed me off, so I told him that you were the same too. I thought he learned his lesson, but he was waiting outside my house for me a while ago."

"So, I told him I'm living at your house now and I didn't have any intention of cooperating with a half-assed Master like him… what, was that bad?"

"――――" That's generally bad. Shinji is very conscious of Tohsaka under normal circumstances, so this is like pouring oil onto a fire.

…Well, but still… I see, I get it now. I understand why Shinji only saw Tohsaka as the enemy, and why he kept asking her to cooperate with him. In a word, he――

"But it's strange, isn't it? I wonder why he's so fussed up about me. Judging from his personality, I wouldn't expect him to want to cooperate with anyone." ――No. It's because Tohsaka Rin is important to Matou Shinji.

"It's not strange at all. I think you're a special person for Shinji. His was a family of magi originally, right? Then――I think he admired you since you were of the lineage of a magus family like him, and you still retain the blood of it."

That's why he's persistent about Tohsaka. I think Tohsaka Rin has been a target of his affections from even before this Holy Grail War started.

"WHAT!? …Well, I am a bit happy about being liked, but still――" It must have been a real surprise, as Tohsaka stands pondering.

"…Oh, I remember. Come to think of it, Shinji asked me out when I was a first year." She makes a terrible "gah, I forgot about it" reaction. …I'll sympathize with Shinji, just for now.

"Whoa, no wonder he never gets enough of talking to me. I understand now." "…That's fine. So, how did you reply?"

"Oh, I think I rejected him. I can't stand it if I'm not the first to make a move in a contest. It's like I can't get in the mood unless I'm setting the mood, or like I don't feel like it if someone else starts a match."

Tohsaka ponders, as if she really doesn't remember. ――I'm shocked. She must really live following only her feelings.

"Tohsaka. You suck at rock, paper, scissors, right?" "Huh!? Wait, how do you know that!?" …As I thought. Of course, if she likes to make the first move, she would be weak against a later move.

"Use the soy sauce for that, Saber. Don't put mayonnaise on it, even by mistake." "――I see. Well, I saw Taiga do so, so I thought I should as well."

"……"

"Fuji-Nee is just playing around. She's not much of a reference, so be careful from now on."

"…I see. I was referencing Sakura before, so you never warned me, but…" "No, I'm not angry. I worked hard to make it, so I just want you to have it at its best. So, getting back to the original conversation…"

"……"

"Shirou, I'll take seconds. Give me lots of stuff in my miso soup." "All right. How about you, Saber? I bet you're hungry since we worked harder today."

"Not really. But I will take another just in case." "Yeah, go ahead. If you also started recklessly raiding the fridge at night because you were too hungry to sleep, I'd die of shock."

"……"

"Hey, that's terrible. I told you that wasn't me. It was some burglar that raided the fridge."

"Then could you tell that robber that she shouldn't just eat meat, but that she should eat vegetables as well? And tell her not to finish off all the desserts in the fridge as if that's what she was after. Geez, she's like a hungry animal or something." "What!? Don't call me a tiger!" "Whoa, I didn't call you that! Ow, hot! Don't throw the hot white radish, you idiot!"

"……"

"Shirou. It seems the pot in the kitchen is boiling." "Huh? Oh, hold on Fuji-Nee, I need to turn the fire off." "All right. Bring me some chicken and boiled egg in soy sauce quickly." "Roger. Then keep Fuji-nee company, Saber." "Yes. Please do not rush your cooking, Shirou."

"……"

I get up. …Oh yeah. Why has Tohsaka been quiet all this time?

"Tohsaka? Does dinner taste bad?" "No. It's nothing, so don't talk to me." She looks away sullenly. …Hmm. She's not the kind to drag that thing about Shinji out this long, so maybe something has irritated her.

Dinner ends as usual and Fuji-Nee goes home satisfied. Saber and Tohsaka are in the living room. It was an awkward mood before, but since I've trained with Saber for the past two days, it doesn't feel awkward anymore.

"Saber, you can go to bed. I'll do the rest." "No, I will stay awake until you go to sleep. I would also like to learn from Rin how skilled you are in magic."

"I see. Then let's go to Tohsaka's room a bit earlier than usual. You don't mind, Tohsaka?"

"No, I don't mind. But you are getting along much better with Saber." …? For some reason, Tohsaka says this with the same displeasure she had when we were eating dinner.

"I'll be waiting in my room, so come when you're done cleaning up. …And I'll also be skipping school from tomorrow on. So come to my place in the afternoon." Tohsaka leaves the living room, still in a bad mood.

"Shirou, did you do something to Rin? She seems angry." "Did it seem that way to you too? …I don't know. I didn't do anything to anger her."

We both look at each other and tilt our heads. We have no idea why Tohsaka's angry.

"Then to start with, go ahead and 'strengthen' this lamp. You just have to strengthen the glass on the outside." She hands me an antique lamp.

"―――――" I sit down. I take a deep breath, holding the lamp in both hands. Tohsaka speaks so easily, but I'm rigid all over with tension.

Even though I do it every night, the reality is that the success rate is below 0.1 percent. Tohsaka says she'll study the extent of my strengthening to determine the level I'm at, but she won't be able to do even that if I fail at the strengthening.

"―――――" That's no good. I shake off my idle thoughts. I concentrate my mind on the lamp.

The blueprint of the lamp emerges. I could draw a diagram of the glass's material, shape, and even the flow of strength that would correspond to blood vessels in humans. So all I have to do now is to put my magical energy into those blood vessels.

…I just have to do as I always do. The feeling of driving a burning metal rod into my backbone. All I have to do is stick that incompatible burning nerve into my body and familiarize myself with it. Once that succeeds, all I have to do is pour in the correct amount of magical energy for the glass and―――

"――Oh" I broke it. I must not have been able to control it, as I put more than the proper quantity of magical energy into it, and as a result, the glass breaks easily.

"……" I look up at Tohsaka timidly. "…As I thought. I thought this might be the case, but it really was." Tohsaka's shoulders slump.

"Hm? What do you mean you thought so?" "Isn't it obvious? I'm just dumbfounded by your lack of talent…! First of all, you don't have the basics down. Geez, I'm impressed you can produce magical energy with such a ridiculous method!"

"…Tohsaka. Are you angry?"

"Of course! I'm amazed you've kept training with such basic problems, and I even want to kill your teacher for not correcting you. Why are you taking such a long route…!?".

"…Hm. I don't get what you're saying, but don't insult my father. It's my fault that I don't have any talent, so my father has nothing to do with it."

"Of course he has something to do with this. If you take an apprentice, it's the role of the teacher to correct the student. …Well, you're right that it does no good to take it out on someone who's already gone, but still, your teacher got the first step wrong."

Still angry, Tohsaka takes out some kind of a can from her bag. It looks like a can filled with candy drops, something foreign children treasure. I've seen a lot of imitations in Japan as well. That thing that has several varieties of candy, and the white one being the mint.

"Hold out your hand, Shirou." "…?" I put out my hand. Tohsaka shakes the can and takes out a reddish candy drop.

"All right, swallow that." "…?" I put it in my mouth as instructed.

"…It's not sweet. No, it has no taste actually. And this feeling… it feels more like rock than candy.

"…Hmmm…" I forcibly swallow it down. "Oh, ouch. My throat hurts. What was that, Tohsaka?"

"It's a jewel, of course. Couldn't you tell by looking at it?" Straightforwardly. Tohsaka says something outrageous.

"A jewel, why…!?" "I can't help it. I prepared some medicine too, but that sort of thing won't work if I want to fix you. So I decided I'd just have to open the switch with the strongest one I have."

"No, that's not the point…! Why are you making me swallow a jewel!? I can't digest something like that!"

"…Hey, now. If you're going to worry about things, you should be worrying about something else. It's not a normal jewel, you know? What I gave you just now is an enforcement tool that will let you find out about what you didn't know up until now. It should start melting right about now, so be prepared, or you'll faint."

"Why are you telling me I'm gonna faint with――" Just as I say that… The abnormality hits me.

"―――――!?" My body is burning. The feeling in my limbs goes numb. A lump of heat that can only be described as pain enters my back. I have to concentrate my mind at my forehead and squeeze it, or I won't be able to stay standing.

"――What… is… this?" I know it. I know this feeling. This is a failure. This is the reaction that happens in my body when I fail to construct a Magic Circuit inside me――!

"It's all right. It must be painful, but it should gradually get better if you can maintain that condition. Well, the burning feeling will continue for about two or three weeks though." …I want to answer her back, but I don't have the energy to do so. All I can to is try with all my might to stay standing.

"Okay. The difference between a magus and a human is whether they have a switch or not. You should know that this switch is the toggle for the Magic Circuit. See, there's an electrical pot that can boil water. A magus is just like that. And a normal person is a pot that can keep the water warm, but can't boil it.

"We are similar, but different. The question of whether one has the switch or not is beyond the grasp of an individual. When we are born――no, when we are made, we are separated into insulators and kettles. A person without the switch will never be able to experience magic.

"All right? You're an amateur, but you definitely have a Magic Circuit. So that means you have the talent. So if you make the Magic Circuit within your body even once, all you have to do after that is to toggle the switch. You just have to press the switch and switch between on and off to produce magical energy."

…I calm my breathing. As Tohsaka says, it seems the situation won't get any worse if I calm myself down.

"You only have to make the Magic Circuit once. But you're trying to make the Magic Circuit from scratch and build it into you every time.

"That's just a waste. If you establish it in your body even once, all you have to do is to switch to it. …Usually, a magus who establishes a Magic Circuit next receives training to switch to it. But your teacher didn't do that. That's why you're building a Magic Circuit and risking death every time. …No, maybe your father made the same mistake as well."

I breathe out. The feelings in my limbs slowly return.

"As you've trained the wrong way for a long time, your switch is closed. If that's the case, all we can do is to open it by force and let your body know that there is a switch."

"See, the jewel just now is something that forces the switch to turn on. So you'll be like that forever. If you want to return to your original state, you'll have to turn it off with your own power. If you can do that, you won't need the jewel's help anymore. After that, you should be able to handle the Magic Circuit with a simple mental operation."

"…I get… that… but…" Can't I do anything about the heat in my body? And she talks about this switch, but what am I supposed to do?

"What, you can speak already!? …Hmm, you're good at controlling yourself. Then maybe you can return to your normal state rather quickly. The switch will automatically turn off as your body tries to calm down and tries to get comfortable again. All you have to do is hasten that process with your will. See, it's easy, right?"

"…No… like I said, I don't understand at all. You say a switch, but I don't feel anything like that."

"It'll be like that now, but you should be able to get a clear image eventually. It'll be like a button in your head. So all you have to do is switch it on, and you'll be able to open the Magic Circuit easily."

"…I hope so. I just feel really sick right now…"

"I assume so. You always shut your Magic Circuit after you used your strengthening magic, right? It's the opposite right now and your Magic Circuit is open the whole time. It's like running full speed all the time, so it's naturally painful. But that's an essential requirement to be able to call yourself a magus. If you're going to fight as a Master, toggling the switch will surely help you out."

"…I know. It was a surprise, but I'm thanking you. You're right. If I can feel this switch thing, it will certainly be a bonus."

"…You understand pretty well. But there's no need to thank me. I'm just helping you because I'm in trouble if the person I'm cooperating with is weak." Tohsaka looks away. It must be because my body is burning. Blankly, I think that the embarrassed Tohsaka is cute.

"…What? What are you staring at my face for?" "Nothing. I just thought you're not honest."

"…I see. You must have excess energy if you're able to say such things. I can continue teaching if you have that much energy, right?" Tohsaka approaches me, smiling.

"…Uh." Hold… on. Hey, I can barely move my body right now.

"So, try your 'strengthening' again. You shouldn't be able to control your magical energy right now, but you'll be of no use if you don't get used to that condition. "It's all right. I brought lots of lamps. I don't know how many times you'll screw up, but I won't let you rest until you succeed in strengthening."

Smiling, she hands the lamp to me, still barely able to move. "…Uh." Whoa… this is like telling someone with a 40 degree fever to walk on a long tightrope…

"…Geez. I didn't think I'd give up before you did." Tohsaka blames me with her glare.

"…I'm sorry." "My predictions were too optimistic. I never thought you would break all thirty. …Sorry, but that's it for today's training. There's nothing to use to measure your strengthening any more."

"…Ugh." But I did try. I tried hard with a body that's burning like I'm in a boiling kettle. I tried hard, but it's just that the "strengthening" failed in spite of that.

"…Um. If it's just the glass breaking, you can fix it, right? You fixed the broken glass window before." "It's impossible. That was something that broke normally. This broke because it couldn't endure your magical energy. Remember that it's hard to affect something that carries the magical energy of another."

"――Hm, I see." "Yeah. …Don't worry and go rest. I'll call it enough to have turned your switch on today. I'll teach you the rest when you're able to control it."

"…Phew. I'm glad I can rest, but what will you teach me after this?"

"You can only use strengthening, right? You said that's all you can use, so then, you might be able to take it up to the next level and use 'transformation'. Have you ever been taught about strengthening, transformation, and projection magic?"

"―――――Hm." …A little. Strengthening is used to strengthen something, as the word suggests. People tend to think of strengthening as hardening something, but it actually strengthens the object's effect. For example, swords will become sharper and lamps will become brighter.

I don't think I need to explain too much for transformation, either. For example, you can't create a fire with an edged weapon. That which attaches abilities beyond the normal effects is called transformation. And projection I think was―――

"…? What was projection, Tohsaka? I remember my father talking about it often."

"You know about strengthening and transformation, right? Then I would think you'd naturally know what projection is. Well, in short, it's magic that reproduces something. It's not magic that elaborates on something that's already there. Basically, it's magic that constructs something from nothing, so it's the hardest."

"Oh… but magical energy is used only once, right? So something made with 'projection' disappears quickly. Comparing a 'projected' sword made with ten magical energy and a 'strengthened' sword with one magical energy, the 'strengthened' one is stronger. You only need to work on something that's already there, so strengthening is more efficient. In that light, projection uses too much magical energy, so it's not a magic that's widely used."

"…Oh, I remember. I think my father was saying something like that. He said something about not doing it because it wasn't worth it."

"That's it. All right, let's finish up if you're done asking questions. …You seem rather unsteady, so I'll at least take you to your room."

I let her accompany me back to my room. And Saber is waiting for me at the doorway.

"Well done, both of you." "……" I don't even have the energy to respond. I answer with just a nod and enter my room.

"How is Shirou, Rin?" "Bad. He's really bad. He doesn't have the talent." It's a merciless statement, just like Tohsaka.

…And then, when I notice, I'm looking up at the night sky. Tonight, I didn't run away because I felt uneasy about Saber. I'm just feeling the night wind, finding my burning body and the things Tohsaka taught me impossible to manage.

"…But once I'm really able to use this switch thing, then the problem is only the procedure. I'm worried about the future if I'm failing so much at the easiest magic of strengthening…"

I murmur and start to put my magical energy into the plank I brought out from the shed. ――A cracking sound. The strengthening failed as I expected, and the wood has a crack in it.

"…I can even see the structure inside of it, so why can't I control my magical energy?" Tohsaka said I'm straining too much. She also said it's fine with just a small amount of magical energy, so I should just think about enforcing the weak spots in the object. …In short, does she mean I should ease up a bit?

"…I already know that without having to have her tell me." The problem is, I don't have any way to ease up. It would be great if there was some good way to relax and―― "……" Footsteps that seem to seep into the night. This presence rudely approaches me for the second time.

"…What? I don't have any business with you." "I feel the same way. But it seems Rin is worried about you, so I could not overlook it."

"……" I throw the plank away, glaring at Archer. And then, Archer picks up the plank as if he's interested in it.

"Strengthening magic, huh? But it sure is badly done." "…! Huh, I know I'm just an amateur. I feel bad for putting extra work on your Master." "No, that is not it. Even Rin is mistaken on this matter." "Huh…? What do you mean by――"

"Huh, work on something that is already there? That's aiming too high. You are not skilled enough to do such a thing." "Wha…!"

He's saying what he likes when I'm letting him…! …But he is so correct, I can't answer. It's true that I'm unskilled, and it's my fault that I cannot succeed at the magic. It's no good taking it out on this guy.

"――What? You don't have the energy you did last night?" "Shut up. I just stopped talking because you were right. It's all my fault for not being skilled enough."

I look away. I don't know how he took it. "…Hm. Maybe you are unlucky with your teachers in a way." Archer says so as if he's amazed.

"Huh…? That can't be true. My father and Tohsaka are good at teaching, so it must be me that's a bad student."

"――That is why. For you, a magus that doesn't know anything would suit you better. A genius cannot understand the agony of an ordinary person. Rin is too good a student to realize the mistake of a dropout."

"…?" I don't get what Archer wants to say. I don't get it, but to guess from his words…

"I don't get it, but I think you're looking for a fight." I'll take it right now, free of charge. "That is a mistake as well. Emiya Shirou is not fit for fighting. Because your fight is supposed to be a mental fight, a fight with your own self."

"Hm… you're saying that a fight between magi is a mental fight, right? I already know that. But still, a fight has to be exchange of blows."

"Geez. Saber will be in trouble if you are like that." Archer looks down at me seriously. In his eyes are things I haven't seen before… real dejection and anger.

"Listen carefully because I will only say this once. Look. Emiya Shirou has no chance of winning if it comes down to fighting. None of your skills will be any use against a Servant."

"…!" That's something Saber said to me. She said that no matter what kind of clever scheme I use, Emiya Shirou has no chance of victory in battle.

"In that case, at least imagine it. If it is an opponent you cannot match in real life, beat it in your imagination. If you cannot beat it yourself, imagine something that you could beat it with. ――After all, that is the only thing you can do."

"Wha―――" I don't know why. But it feels like Archer's words naturally pass into me.

I should not forget those words. I think that what this man is saying is something that should never be forgotten――

"…There is something wrong with me advising someone I need to kill. I guess the kindness of Rin has transferred to me." Archer disappears suddenly. Archer was just supposed to keep watch. I bet he jumped back onto the roof where it's fit for keeping watch.

"…What's with him?" I complain at the guy that disappeared. There's no reply. Ruminating on the words that linger horribly in my head, I feel the cold winter air on my burning body.

…I'm dreaming. It must be because my blood is hot and my body is pulsing. I am reliving the scene I don't need to remember.

It's my oldest memory. At the same time, it is a memory that can't be separated from me. A scene from ten years ago that never goes away, even though I usually never recall it. It's not that I forgot it. It's not that I want to forget it. For me, it is just something that has already happened.

So it's not something I feel pain over. It's not something I feel particularly angry about.

What's past is past. I cannot redo it, nor go back to it. I have escaped from that scene and still continue to live. All I can do is look forward.

…No one told me to. I just vaguely thought like this ever since I was a child. Not forgetting or denying the past. The only way to make use of what has gone away is to acknowledge it―――

"Ah――uh." I wake up because of the burning heat in my body. …How long was I asleep? I guess I fell asleep while feeling the night wind, without returning to my room.

In the dim shed, there's me and―――

"…! Saber…!?" "You have awakened, Shirou. I do not mind you escaping out of your room, but it is slovenly for you to sleep here." ――There is Saber's figure, looking like she wants to complain to me.

"Oh, morning. Well, I was hot last night and went outside, so I guess I fell asleep then."

"I can tell. Please do not worry about excuses, but take more care next time. My position will be in question if my Master sleeps in a place like this."

"Ugh… sorry, I'll try to sleep in my room as much as possible from now on." "If you understand, I am glad. By the way, Shirou. Taiga has been calling for you."

"Fuji-Nee is? What would she want me for?" "It must be about breakfast. It is already past time for breakfast." "Eh――whoa, it's already past seven…!? Damn, I overslept…!"

"It seems so. It is unusual for you to wake up last. Rin's training last night must have tired you quite a lot." Saber analyzes the situation calmly. But I don't have that much composure.

"Sorry for making you wake me up, but could you go back first? I'll change and head to the kitchen too." "Yes. Then I shall try to calm Taiga down as much as possible."

Saber leaves with calm footsteps. But, calm down Fuji-Nee…? Saber has already adapted quite well to the mornings at our house.

I run into the kitchen. Ignoring Fuji-Nee's vilification, I prepare breakfast in about five minutes.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. There isn't much time till school starts, so eat quickly." I put the breakfast onto the table. "Wha――" And then.

"What is this!!?" Fuji-Nee explodes.

"What is this!? There's only toast! Shirou, why is this the only thing for breakfast…!?"

"…Hey now, I slept in, so it can't be helped. There's no time to make anything else. Anyways, a meal with bread is basically just this. We're just missing salad and egg, so there's not much difference."

"Of course there's a difference! Don't the rest of you think so too!?" Fuji-Nee asks Tohsaka and Saber, who are eating silently. But she shouldn't be so optimistic. Those two aren't as greedy as Fuji-Nee is. They won't agree with her.

"…You're right. I'm not Fujimura-Sensei, but I cannot forgive such laziness. I can only consider this an insult to the bread." …Hey, hold on. I thought you don't usually eat breakfast!

"………Sigh." Whoa, what was that sigh that sounded like obvious disappointment!? Did your character change, Saber!?

"See, everyone agrees Shirou is the one at fault. It's decided by majority rule, so go and make a proper breakfast when you've repented your actions." "I can't follow such an unfair match! First of all, you'll be late if I make something now. It's already seven thirty. You won't make it in time unless you run while eating, so I suggest you give up on that idea!"

"It's fine. If I have to choose between being late and being hungry, I'll choose breakfast." "Don't do that! What teacher in the world would do that…!? It's fine, so eat and go to school quickly. I'll tell you this, but I won't be cooking any breakfast other than this."

"Hmmm. Geez, you're diligent in the weirdest places. If you keep talking like an old man, you'll become really old quickly."

"You don't need to tell me. I already have the tastes of an old man because of you, Fuji-Nee." So saying, I start eating my toast. …Well, it's true. There is something desolate about having only toast for breakfast when there's this many people.

The sounds of the shinais echo. The substance of the fight is the same as always.

I attack desperately, while Saber blocks my blows easily and counters with an attack twice as sharp as mine. I manage to block it, attack even stronger, and lose――we are repeating the same match over and over.

"Ha――Haa, haa, hah." I stand still and breathe deeply. Wiping the sweat off my forehead with my arm, I calm my breathing.

"What are you resting for? You would not have given up at this point yesterday. Here, come attack me."

"No――hold on. I need to catch my breath. Let's rest a bit."

"What are you saying? If you will not attack, I will just attack. You do not mind that?" Saber stares at her bad student. But I cannot move my body to my satisfaction, even if she looks at me that way.

"…Sigh. What has gotten into you, Shirou? You are like a different person from yesterday. Your blows that came straight for me were the only thing that amazed me, but I do not feel any power from you this morning."

"…I know that myself, but… I just can't do too well." Well, uh, the situation is too different from yesterday.

"Is the heat in your body still present? But it is no good if your performance decreases just because of that. Please cool down a bit and calm your mind."

"――No. Before that, do something about that thing." I point to the observer by the wall.

"What? Don't mind me and just continue your training."

"……" Tohsaka doesn't understand at all. When she's staring at me like that, I can't concentrate on fighting with Saber.

"You are worried about Rin? That proves even more of your lack of training. "…I understand. In that case, I will make it so that you will not worry about observers." Saber grips her shinai hard.

"Whoa, hold on Saber, my breath isn't――" "There is no problem. You should fix such a problem during battle." Saber disappears from my view.

"――!" The instant I realize this is bad and block my face, Saber's shinai hits me right on my head.

…And so, the training this morning was severe. I wasn't worried about Tohsaka watching after I got knocked out once. As I devoted myself to blocking Saber's blows, it was lunchtime before I knew it.

"But man, Saber really is calm. You didn't even twitch your brow during the whole three hours you fought with Shirou. You don't talk much normally, but it's even more true when you're in a battle. It feels like you're a machine or something."

Tohsaka is in a good mood, I think because she saw me getting beat around a lot. The two are in the living room, resting. As for me, I'm preparing lunch by myself as a punishment for not being serious this morning. …Geez. I want to cut corners and finish quickly by making something like white noodles.

"Machine-like…? I see, I have never been conscious of it, but I may be turning off my emotions while I wield the sword. It must be the same even in training."

"Hmm. Could that be in preparation for holding a sword even though you're a girl? Like, not losing in spirit because you're inferior in physique?"

"That is incorrect, Rin. Being calm is part of readiness for battle, but that should be no different for a man or a woman. Even you should shut down your emotions during battle. You are the kind who is able to."

"Hm… you're pretty direct. Well, it's true, though. But yours is definitely different from mine. I only shut out my generosity. I can't be as objective as you are."

"It seems so. That must be why you are so gorgeous. You keep the elegance of a woman even during battle."

"What, is that sarcasm? I can't beat you in gorgeousness. …I'll admit it since Shirou is way over there, but I was fascinated by your beauty when I first saw you." …No, I can hear you, Tohsaka.

"――You must have been misunderstanding. If my figure looked gorgeous, it must be that my class of Saber looked gorgeous."

"That's not it. I just felt like I've lost as a woman. …I wouldn't have been so shocked otherwise."

"…I am saying that you are mistaken. I have never thought of myself as a woman, and I have never been treated as one. It cannot be true that I am gorgeous."

Saber's comment stops the conversation. "―――――" As I use the kitchen knife, I feel irritated by Saber's comment.

"…I've been wondering for a while, but just what does she think she is?" I take a big swing at the chicken meat. For some reason, I'm getting annoyed.

――I have never thought of myself as a woman

"――Heh. It's none of my business…!" I strike hard at the cutting board with my knife. But doing so doesn't make me feel even one bit better.

"These are today's task. We've got more than yesterday and you seem calmer today, so you should succeed."

I don't know how she brought them here, but Tohsaka brings out about forty lamps.

"I'm going outside. I'll be back in a while, so finish up by then." Saying goodbye, Tohsaka leaves the room.

"――Sigh." Well. Yesterday night was bad, so I should at least succeed at one or two tonight.

"…Phew. Half done, for now." It took me one hour to try "strengthening" on about twenty lamps. Half of them broke, and the other half showed no change. But out of the ones that didn't break, five of them had magical energy successfully channeled into them. All I have to do now is to challenge the twenty that are left, but――

"…… Hold on. Maybe five is enough as a test?" It seems like all the lamps are antiques. I feel bad about breaking any more of them.

"…Hmm." Yeah, I should――