#me thinking: we should worship elephants actually

[troonwolf]

I honestly think elephants are smarter than us

[ome-magical-ramblings]

Closed Practices, Initiation, and gate-keeping practices.

One of my friend was discussing the idea of using a mantra from a lineage and how to approach it, he said the following: {start quote} I don't get why people practice Vajrayana mantras without initiation. I'm fully aware that one can gain initiation without human help, however literally every Tibetan tradition will tell you that you are wrong for doing this Because on the other hand there are sects that actually want people to use their mantra

And encourage it I'm not some gatekeeping Tibetan monk

It's just that in my experience doing anything from Vajrayana requires empowerment from a monk

It personally really makes me doubt the entire vehicle

Every time I touch Vajrayana it seems more like a money making grift than anything else

[...] Whenever I encounter a tradition that is fundamentally broken, rather than try to scavenge the pieces I just leave it alone and keep on moving When you're working with a machine and are trying to skip 1000 years of lineage holding guru. It makes me wonder if it's worth getting involved with at all We have living traditions right now, living gods and masters, that don't come with baggage attached {end quote} Honestly! it makes me think where I do stand in this whole thing. This morning I saw this image that a different friend shared for me about the topic, from Hoodoo Moses:

Which is true, it makes me think about these people who says "closed practice this, closed practice that" and they don't even consider the rift between them and their own cultural practices. I as an Arab know for a fact that there's a huge rift between the practices followed by modern Arab magicians, Arab magicians in the 1900s and the magic talked about in older grimoires, it doesn't even need to be asked when you think about it that there's a huge rift between these 3 but they're all performing and working legitimately. There's this idea that the religion or practice being done is verbatim to the text, which is a good idea in theory but practically or at least culturally there's also modification and changes within own community and that could come as surprising. I know I was shocked when I realized the rift between what people worshipped in modern Thailand compared to the image in Thai Buddhism in text. Same goes for Arab magic in something like Shams Al Ma'arif compared to how it's done by arab magicians. The time difference doesn't really drill down into people's head possibly because they don't have the conceptual grasping on what I mean by that, I will give an example in the

Mahāvaipulya Sūtra of the Tathāgata Store, Translated from Sanskrit into Chinese in the Eastern Jin Dynasty by The Tripiṭaka Master Buddhabhadra from India We see a list of attendee to the dharma discourse and one of the attendees is Fragrant Elephant Bodhisattva, why fragrant elephant... That's possibly culturally related to ancient Indian culture. It makes you think about these practices from the point of view of a modern buddhist would know how to perform this Mandala in the Usinsa Vijaya Dharani's Sutra:   “Those who desire to perform this maṇḍala rite should, on the fifteenth day of a waxing moon, mix perfumed water with yellow soil and cow dung and smear the ground with this mixture. The square maṇḍala measures four elbow lengths on each side, and it should be surrounded by three tiers of gemstones from the Laṅkā Mountain, which are in five colors. An ancillary tier of white Laṅkā gemstones marks the boundary on the four sides. Scatter flowers inside the maṇḍala and place four vessels of water on the lotus flowers painted in the four corners. The vessels should be the same in size. Reverently place a bottle of holy relics and cow’s bezoar on the center lotus flower. In the maṇḍala, scatter various flowers and burn incense and various kinds of fragrances, such as camphor, saffron, agalloch, and so forth....[]

Other than that, people are so hinged on the living gods or living traditions currently not looking into how they're approaching the world themselves. How do you know the living gods are gonna accept you and not the persumed "dead" gods, What do you bring to the table for the living Masters? We see the twelve disciples leaving their homes to follow Jesus and to teach, suffer, and die in his name. We see Marpa demanding that Milarepa build and demolish three stone towers before he would teach him.  Or maybe Lisiewski who built and shipped a furnace to Albertus for use in some special alchemical work, and photocopied the entire Crowley collection housed at Penn State University and mailed it to Regardie for his research.  Are you willing to follow in their footsteps?[link] I know that there are grifters and guru who larp to exploit people, but that's not the main issue here. If your practice is only on the level of face-to-face/physical basis then you need to go deeper. You can knock on the spirits door and ask them, you can ask your local spirits to help you, sages and saints of the tradition you're seeking, the world is living, breathing, and haunted with spirits that you can talk to. Coming back and wrapping all of that back to this point, how do you know a closed practice from an open practice? You in your infinite wisdom have a certified "stamped" approval from some person who's gonna tell you yea that's practice for everyone. That's the thing tho, it brings me to a topic of refinement culture touched upon by @on-the-pechka 's here , welp it is basically related to the Lindy effect and refinement culture. We are seeing it in occult, magic, and spirituality lately, when everything become so samey, all occult discord servers require introductions, technique merge and mingle without a say or word and the emergence of "suitable" for everyone practices appear. You have to really get your mind thinking about this, the practice become so accessible that it reach the lowest common denominator and then what? You're gonna look at me in the eyes and tell me that they are 1:1 to the fractured and fragmented pieces we find, The PGM(Greek Magical Papyri) isn't one single system, Shams Al Ma'arif isn't Ahmad Al-Buni only, and when you look into the preexisting systems before us there's also precedent of syncretism, Jake Stratton Kent in his Testament of St Cyprian mentioned it well: All this places considerable responsibility with the reader, but also circumvents the limitations implicit had I approached the project differently; saying ‘these are my gods, these are my spirit superiors and spirits, work my system by rote and you won’t have to think very hard.’ That approach has been employed extensively and has not provided much by way of insight; reinforcing differences rather than revealing underlying patterns and their syncretic basis. If anything misunderstandings and artificial elements have proliferated by this means. Invention without attention to the underlying principles has had many failings. You have to drill this into your mind, the current living traditions didn't live because they are the best suitable for you. They survived because they contained the most accessible tools to the "masses", the harder the entry gate, the more obscure, fragmented systems often hold keys to unknown territory that we often don't know...Maybe you should knock on these doors? what is the worst that can happen? shouldn't we take it from the horse mouth itself and ask the entities of the tradition if they accept our entry into their system or not? If you approach them respectfully the worst that can happen is that they say "no" or block you from contacting them.

[aurorasulphur]

I posted 12,469 times in 2022

That's 6,442 more posts than 2021!

23 posts created (0%)

12,446 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@madmaudlingoes

@amarguerite

@dragonsthough101

@elfwreck

@quarra

I tagged 1,984 of my posts in 2022

#the locked tomb - 595 posts

#nona spoilers - 299 posts

#batfam - 278 posts

#peak ‘boys will be boys’ - 184 posts

#nona the ninth - 119 posts

#goncharov - 92 posts

#everything everywhere all at once - 73 posts

#typical girls will be girls - 61 posts

#children are weird - 56 posts

#unreality - 48 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#oh and six seasons at a summer camp where one season i lived in four different cabins but the last 2 seasons i didn’t move at all

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hello friends I would like to know: did you cry at all while reading Nona the Ninth? If so, which parts made you cry? If you can explain, *why* did that part make you cry?

23 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

#4

Re: Kiriona and Ianthe and their secret handshake, I would like to direct you to this line on wikipedia in its article on Mithraism, the ancient religion “centered on Mithras” which worshiped at places called mithraeum (s.)/mithraea (pl.):

Initiates called themselves syndexioi, those "united by the handshake".

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mithraism

32 notes - Posted September 20, 2022

#3

I’ve already seen some people with ARC access state their intention to post spoileriffic Nona the Ninth stuff to their queue for 00:01 on September 13th in their time zone, and I would like to request that you 1) not do that or 2) if you must, wait to give people at least 24 hours, for the love of all that is holy.

Getting an ARC is an enormous privilege, and you have waited this long to yell in public, so you can give everyone else some basic fucking common decency and hold off until they actually have a chance to read the damn thing unspoiled.

36 notes - Posted August 10, 2022

#2

My questions after reading Nona, in the hopes that perhaps someone else knows the answers or has theories:

1. whose souls did John put in Ulysses and Titania?

2. did everyone’s souls go back into their original bodies when he did the resurrection?

3. Is Paul a brand-new baby soul, (and thus Cam and Pal are fully themselves in the River) or is Paul shavings off of both Cam and Pal, meaning C&P are not actually whole within the River?

4. Why was John obsessed with “the maternity problem”? (I get Mercy’s whole thing about not requiring termination for people who were pregnant but I still don’t understand the actual problem John was agonizing over.)

5. What is the significance of Anastasia’s bones being inside the Tomb? Especially with that weird phrase about how her bones weren’t her?

6. What cradle creature did Nona draw? (My gut instinct was elephant but the legs comment is fucking me up.)

7. Why would a dog need arboreal legs??? How does an extra set of legs do ANYTHING to help with climbing trees???

8. What is the significance of the prison above the Ninth?

9. Why does Nona have a hard time eating? Alecto only eats when John does, and it’s implied that they’re eating raw meat. (I still stand by my cannibalism theory but acknowledge it could be the cows.)

10. Is Noodle’s name Noodle or does Noodle’s name *mean* Noodle?

(Questions 11 and 12 were answered by non tumblr folks before I transferred the list here.)

13.a. I’m so lost as to why someone had to die to open the tomb?

13.b. And why someone (Pyrrha or Paul?) said that this couldn’t be spoofed?

13.c. If someone had to die then HOW DID TEN YEAR OLD HARROW OPEN IT?

14. Why did Jod’s eyes change TO the yellow? (And how the fuck did that get passed down to Gideon?)

15. When did Jod’s eyes become the eclipses?

16. How were the dead bodies John’s batteries?

17. Based on Nona’s top and bottom brain recognizing the tower, I think we the reader should be able to figure out what the tower is. So what the fuck is the tower?

49 notes - Posted September 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

PSA: if you are trying to save old FFN fics by getting them to AO3, the way to do that is to contact the authors and ask them to crosspost.

DO NOT upload other people’s work to AO3. That’s against the TOS.

Saving things to your local machine for personal use is obviously fine, go ham with that!!!!

190 notes - Posted September 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[donnerpartyofone]

I made the mistake (well, it had no consequences, but it was pointless!) of asking Quora how NPD is treated, because it's something I've always been curious about, and of course I got this long pompous answer from a "former consultant child psychotherapist" about how "mental illness" doesn't really exist, it's just a diversionary metaphor forced on the world of emotions by the medical industry, and also any psychology professional who claims to specialize in anything in particular "has lost their way". Like, I have long since realized that people use Quora almost exclusively to work out their own personal problems--I'm lucky I didn't hear from someone who tells me to "buckle up" for an answer in the form of a long story about how they hate their mom or whatever--but I still think there are ways of answering my question that could avoid troubling taxonomy issues.

What I was getting at was, for instance, when I was being treated for depression, we were really addressing my feelings of self-hatred and unworthiness--and not that that's EASY exactly, but in the grand scheme of things it's not so bad when a professional tells you that it's ok to like yourself more, to acknowledge your own virtues, and learn to treat yourself as a deserving person instead of punishing and depriving yourself all the time, and subjecting yourself to other people's abuses. I imagine that, on the other hand, if your problem is that you consider yourself way more deserving than everyone else, and you expect everyone to react to you with fawning admiration and loyalty no matter how you torture them, and you're mostly in pain because you can't understand why other people don't reflect back your grandiose fantasies about how superior you are...then what an honest therapist would have to say to you could be way harder to hear, than "you're BETTER than you think and you should give yourself MORE credit, etc."

I think about people I've known who were constantly weaving elaborate jerkoff fantasies about themselves and their personal importance, and how obvious it was that their problems were rooted in that difference between how they thought of themselves and how the world responded to them, and the elephant in the room with all their friends was always "Too bad we can't just tell X that they need to be less obsessed with themselves, and more considerate of other people, too bad they're making it really clear that facing that reality would send them to a rubber room--and anyone who has ever confronted them is immediately banished and shunned anyway." Like someone who is always obsessing over how everyone should worship them is not going to want to hear that their exact problem is that no one owes them worship. I'm thinking of my ex who used to absolutely lose his mind if he wasn't greeted at every door with bowing and scraping--even if the ones who failed to celebrate his arrival were animals or five year old children. I'm thinking of how he accused people who actually liked him of harboring secret insulting thoughts about him, just because they didn't grovel for him like peasants. I'm thinking of one night when we weren't even dating anymore, at about 4am, he chatted me a set of instructions for his funeral, which included loading his corpse into a space rocket to be shot into the sun; he was trying to position this as a way of completeting obliterating himself, like it was really humble of him to want to be annihilated like that, like this was not the single most expensive, ostentatious, attention-starved thing he'd ever dreamed up about himself in his whole pathetically narcissistic life. How do you tell THAT guy that he has narcissistic personality disorder, and that he'll be a lot happier when he stops believing he has to be the God of everybody? Surprising no one, Quora cannot answer my questions, but I'd still love to know.

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Be Very Afraid

This is the best story arc episode in season three and arguably the best written episode since The Great Tree, but it’s still season three so there are still issues with it. 

Summary: When Zhan Tiri tells Cassandra she must destroy Rapunzel in order to wield the Moonstone's true power, Cassandra discovers that she can create, with fear, red rock spikes that cause fear and freeze their victims. Varian discovers the red rocks and teams up with Rapunzel to use his amber solution on them. Meanwhile, Eugene and Lance decide to throw a talent show to distract everyone from their fears. 

Why Can’t Cassandra Control The Rocks?

The series never gives an actual explanation for this. She could control them just fine in Rapunzel’s Return, so what’s changed? 

There is No Destiny!

There’s no prophecy, no oracle, no grand design nor master of fate to fight back against; the characters literally have no reason to do what they do. If you want destiny to be a goal then you have to establish what that destiny is first. 

What does Cassandra want? How does this connect back to Gothel, Rapunzel, and the Moonstone? Why she just failing about like an idiot here? Did she not have a plan when she threw her life away for this stupid rock? 

And of course Zhan Tiri is lying here, but why should Cassandra believe her? What does she gain by listening to a creepy ghost girl? This ‘destiny’ has not been established, so therefore there’s no hook nor bait for Zhan Tiri to trap her with. 

Leading directly into “you should kill your bestie’ should logically put Cassandra off of Zhan Tiri’s advice for good because Zhan Tiri isn’t actually offering anything. Temptation requires the person to be, you know, tempted by what they want, but Cassandra doesn’t know what she wants so none of this makes sense. 

The writing is desperately trying to make Cass sympathetic here, but all it winds up doing is making her look like a moron instead. 

This Isn’t Consistent

Not only does this fail to explain why Cass could control the rocks previously but no longer can, but it’s also contradicted just a couple of episodes later with the incantation bullshit. 

You need an established magic system in place in order for the character’s actions to make sense show!

This Ultimately Goes Nowhere

Ignoring how Varian should have been in season two and how translating the scroll should have led to freeing his father, which we’ve talked about previously; this subplot should have had more impact on the narrative than it actually did. Yes, Varian’s translation winds up driving the plot of Cassandra’s Revenge, but 90% of that episode winds up being utterly pointless, including the incantations themselves, so.... 

I Like This Sequence; Shame It Winds Up Being Undermined Later  

Unlike the majority of dream sequences in this show, this nightmare has an actual point. It more firmly establishes Varian’s fears and gives the audience some insight into what happened to him back in season one. Something we were sorely lacking. It also becomes the core conflict and drive of Varian’s character development through out the episode. 

Only for the episode to ignore Varian’s real issues and fail to adequately address anything. By series end this plot point will be completely forgotten. The show acts like bringing it up once and then never acknowledging it ever again just magically revolves Varian’s character arc. It doesn’t.  

So How Come Quirin Isn’t Affected By the Rocks? 

He’s right there next to them and he shows no reaction to them at all. You’re telling me the man who lost his home twice to these things, almost died to them, and nearly lost his only child because of them, is just not going to respond to new creepy red ones popping up? 

Quirin would have a treasure trove of trauma to explore in his own right, that undoubtedly would connect back to Varian’s own issues, but we’re just going to ignore it and have Quirin off screen for the majority of the episode?

Are These New Character Models?

Are you shitting me!? 

They built five new models just for a short two minute scene, one where none of the new characters are named nor given lines, only to never appear ever again!

What the fuck? Why did you waste time and money on this? What happened to all of the other background characters you already built? Did a bunch of season one models just get lost or deleted or something? 

Also why are they all wearing green? Is it St. Paddy’s Day? 

This Plot Point Wasn’t Established Enough Beforehand

Look, I’ll buy that there are people in Corona who still blame Varian for what happened in season one and for the Sapoiran take over. I mean they’re only getting half the story and were directly effected by his actions whether or not he intended harm to them. But we needed to see more of it beyond just this one scene.

No one was bullying him in Lost Treasure or The King and Queen of Hearts, so for all purposes he appeared to be integrated back into society, and now you’re telling me he’s not and that Rapunzel risked his well being by forcing him to interact with people who were hostile to him back in Lost Treasure? 

And yeah you can’t really move Lost Treasure back any further than it already is cause that’d leave a giant hole in the wall of the throne room for over a year. Which also makes no sense either. 

Or hey, maybe it’s just Feldspar being an asshole. In which case why should Varian or the audience care? 

Eugene is Wasted

Look I understand that there’s only twenty five minutes to tell this story and that Eugene isn’t the focus of the episode. I also understand that the B-plot is meant to be comedic in order to relive tension from the A plot, but this wasn’t the best way to go about it. 

The B plot swings too far wide in the other direction that it dilutes the tension too much. The A plot now has to work over time to keep the urgency going. I could understand it, if the show wanted start off with small fears first, but it needed to ramp up the drama as it got closer to the climax, not under cut it. 

We never see Eugene freak out over anything other this this cowlick. In fact we never see him scared of anything else beyond this one scene, which undermines Rapunzel’s arc this episode as she’s suppose to be the only one bottling things in. What makes Eugene so special that he can keep a lid on it with out consequences, or are you telling me that a dumb cowlick is his only fear? 

Either answer is stupid. 

I Hope You Have Copies of the Map

You went through all that trouble to steal the journal for this very reason and now here you are prancing around without it like it’s not that big of deal. Way to undermined past story arcs. 

It’s like the writers know that season one was their most successful season, and therefore try to make callbacks to it whenever they can, to make up for ignoring it in season two completely, but they still don’t want to actually acknowledge anything that happened during that season so they just refer to it in the laziest way possible, rendering the previous events pointless. 

So Close and Yet So Far

I’m mainly posting this whole conversation so that you dear readers will have context for what I talk about next. 

For you see, this scene starts out okay and it looks like we’re finally going to address the elephant in the room regarding Rapunzel’s involvement in Varian’s past trauma, only for the scene to immediately side step the issue all together and not resolve the conflict at all. 

No! Don’t Interrupt; Listen! 

Or at least go all the way and accept some of the blame yourself. 

It may look like Rapunzel is comforting Varian here on a superficial level, but without her verballing acknowledging what she did wrong, this action just winds up taking the focus off of Varian and what he needs and places it upon Rapunzel, both narratively and physically.

So what happens is that, in universe, it comes across like she’s just consoling Varian for her own personal comfort rather than genuinely trying to help. 

Why Would Varian Ever Think This? 

Okay, first off this has nothing to do with what Varian was talking about previously. Why would he jump from discussing his trauma to praising Rapunzel? You know the woman who is responsible for said trauma? 

Secondly, this switches the focus of the conflict off of Varian’s specific trauma and makes it about a generic “over coming fear” lesson mixed with an out of place validation issue. Which is not what’s actually needed for his character development; nor for Rapunzel’s for that matter. 

Third, being the sundrop has nothing to do with Rapunzel as a person. Her being born with magical powers was an accident of fate, same as her being royalty. She’s not innately better than anybody else because of this and nobody has any narrative reason to assume otherwise. Especially since her powers are utterly disconnected from her actual personality, choices, and actions. All three of which have become unbearably unpleasant by the last season. 

Finally, Varian, of all people should be the last person on earth to ever think so highly of Rapunzel. Them being friends again is already pushing believability. Him suddenly kissing her ass the same as everyone else this season is just flat out bad writing.  

Varian knows better than anybody what an awful person Rapunzel is. He’s seen her at her worse. He’s seen her not live up to her hypocritical ideals. He knows the larger problems that steam from placing people in power on pedestals. As her former victim, Varian by all accounts should be the one person who can bring Rapunzel down to earth and poke holes into her ego, even while still being her friend. Especially while still being her friend. She needs that! Writing Varian as another blind Rapunzel stan is not only writing him out of character, but it also damages Rapunzel’s own development. 

Also Varian hates magic. Why would he now worship someone just for having magic? 

THIS AIN’T ABOUT YOU BITCH!!!

I literally yelled that at my tv screen when I first saw this scene. Those were my exact words upon the episode’s first airing. And believe it or not, I’m not one to usually scream obscenities at inanimate objects. 

I understand what the writers were trying to accomplish here. They wanted Rapunzel to ease the tension by saying something funny and to make Varian laugh to distract him from his woes; thereby defusing the situation. But it doesn’t work because of season three’s tendency to make Rapunzel the most egotistical, smug, self-centered, abusive, self-righteous twat in the show. 

It really boggles the mind just how unaware the writing is. Like, surely no one makes their protagonist this unlikable on accident. Clearly they meant for Rapunzel to be an ass on purpose right?  They wanted Cass to have a reason to hate her so they decided to make her insufferable to the viewer in a misguided attempt to make Cass more sympathetic? Right? 

Then where is the bloody comeuppance? 

I genuinely thought this was all going to lead somewhere. That Rapunzel was going to learn to be a better person and I would have been fine by that. I would have applauded the show if they had turned her into an asshole intentionally so that they could teach a mature and nuanced lesson about morality. 

But they didn’t, and here I am; still shaking my head in confusion over a year later. 

Seriously what the fuck happened behind the scenes to cause this? How can processionals paid by the largest animation company in the world be so incompetent? 

Having Trauma is Not the Same Thing as Having a Phobia  

This is where Varian’s arc falls apart. Not only does the episode fail to have Rapunzel acknowledge her past wrongs for a second time, but it also completely mishandles Varian’s trauma because it equates it to being an irrational fear. One that can be overcome through pure force of will at that, same as Lance and everyone else’s fears in the episode. 

Ok first off Varian’s fear isn’t irrational. He even just said so at the start of the conversation. Varian’s trauma is very real, it’s not a hypothetical unlike clown-spiders and cowlicks. Also has been given very little reassurance that it won't happen again. Varian has no reason to trust Rapunzel or anybody else in the show. They never owned up to abandoning him previously, and both he and the audience have little reason to believe that Rapunzel wouldn’t just neglect him again if it was convenient for her.   

Secondly one does not simply ‘overcome’ trauma. Oh you can deal with trauma, you can manage it and learn to live with it. But it never goes away. It doesn’t magically disappear just because you ‘faced it’. 

In fact confronting it head on is actually the opposite of what your suppose to do when going through something traumatic. Studies have shown that distracting your mind after a car crash or what have you actually helps with PTSD later on. And ‘dealing with it” doesn’t mean ignoring the problem out right, but rather learning how to function despite the pain. 

But as the show acts like Varian’s trauma never even existed after this episode. 

This Doesn’t Resolve Anything!

What does “being special” have to with fear? How does this help Varian with his trauma? Empty validation has nothing to with what we were just discussing. 

Everyone gets afraid. Everyone has trauma of some sort. Are you telling me that my need for therapy some 20 years after being physically assaulted is just because I’m not special enough? Fuck you show! 

Moreover, this doesn’t resolve the story arc from season one. Varian and Rapunzel’s conflict with each other has nothing to do with self esteem. It was about personal responsibility, conflicting needs, and abuse. Yes, self image and acceptance was a small factor in their motivations, but it was never the driving goal behind their decisions. 

This is yet another broken narrative promise to the audience. There’s no closure to be had from this and leaves the viewer wanting, if not outright frustrated. 

In order to justify this exchange fans have to ‘read between the lines�� and make shit up in order for any of this to make any sense. People who still defend season three do by doing all the heavy lifting that writers themselves should be doing. 

If it’s not on screen, it doesn’t count. 

If Rapunzel never apologizes on screen, then she never apologized. If Rapunzel never checked up on Varian on screen, then she neglected him outright. If Rapunzel never acknowledges her wrong doings on screen, then she’s never learned anything. The characters pretending like she has doesn’t make it so. 

Why Does Cassandra Even Want a Destiny? 

Yes, Zhan Tiri is lying, there is no destiny, but Zhan Tiri being a liar doesn’t absolve Cassandra of her own actions. 

Cassandra herself believes in destiny and is looking for her’s, but why? 

Why does she want a destiny? What is this destiny she’s after? Why does she believe such a thing exists? What does she believe it’ll gain her? Why is she willing to risk so much for such a vague goal? What does any of this have to do with the moonstone or her mother? How does this destiny connect back with her personal feud with Rapunzel? 

It’s all disjointed and confused. Nothing lines up. It’s like the writers just had this dart board full of ideas for Cassandra’s villain arc, but couldn’t decide on which one to go with, so they just threw darts randomly each episode and went with whatever stuck for any given scene.

“Oh she want’s revenge for her mother during this scene, or wait no, she’s actually looking for destiny this episode?” “What destiny?” “Who knows. Now for this scene we need her to be sad because reasons...” “What reason?” “I don't care, make something up... Uuuuh, she’s sad cause she’s not a royal guard still” “But she became a guard during season one.” “Ignore that. Kids won’t remember. Now she needs to be angry and threating here” “Why?” “Because it’ll look cool.” “But why is she angry?” “Cause it looks cool Bob! Geez! Oh but she still needs to be sympathetic so give her a frowny face afterwards. Just have Zhan Tiri remind her how much she hates Rapunzel later, so as to egg her on and keep her doing stupid shit?”  “But why does she hate Rapunzel?”  “Do I have to think of everything BOB!!!???”  

There, there’s my non-so-accurate behind the scene’s glimpse into the Tangled writer’s room when discussing Cassandra’s arc. I could be wrong. There could have been some intricate and complex plan thought out that just didn’t make it onto the screen for whatever reason, or maybe everyone involved was so far up their own ass that they just forgot to give their main villain an actual reason for being the villain. But regardless the over all effect is that Cassandra is handed the idiot ball for a whole freaken season in order to even have a conflict and that is never good writing; or rather she’s hit in the head with it repeatedly. 

This Actually Goes Against Zhan Tiri’s Plan

Zhan Tiri’s short term goal is to be released from her dimensional prison and apparently she needs Cass and Raps to fight into order to do this. This was never established before hand and goes against her disciples pervious plans, but whatever. One could argue that this is just a lie in order to get them to fight later... 

However, this lie jeopardizes her long term goal. She eventually wants to wield both the moonstone and the sundrop herself in order to destroy Corona, but Rapunzel is the sundrop and you can only take her power during an ellipse, supposedly, which means if Cass actually succeeds in killing Rapunzel before then, then Zhan Tiri is up a creek without a paddle. Also if Cassandra did manage to steal Raps’ power with or without an ellipse then Zhan Tiri would still be out of luck. 

This was wholly unnecessary; you didn’t have to go from zero to sixty in one fell swoop. Have Zhan Tiri claim that fighting Rapunzel will award the power to the winner or something. There’s no need to bring up the ‘kill her’ option. That should logically just drive Cassandra away and puts Zhan Tiri’s plan at risk. 

The series wants to act like Zhan Tiri is this master manipulator, a chess master like Zantos or Palpatine, but she couldn’t even tie their shoes. Her plans make no sense and often contradict one another. They only work because the rest of the cast are reduced to imbeciles in order for them to work. 

This Plot Point Contradicts Season Two

His fear of spiders was establish early on, and I’ll accept the clown thing as there’s nothing to contradict it, but Lance has preformed numerous times before now and has never show stage fright. He’s a huge ham and back in Return of Quaid he mentioned how much loved acting and preforming and apparently been on stage before, so where does this fear of singing in public come from? Heck he sung in public just a few episodes ago in Rapunzel’s Return. 

If you have to sacrifice established character into order to make your plot work then you need a new plot. 

This Song is Nice; It Just Needed to Be in a Different Episode 

I’m glad Lance got a solo. He deserved one and the song is good. However it breaks the tension of the climax and gives the episode tonal whiplash. 

More than a song, Lance needed an actual focus episode in season three. One that was fully his. If anyone else shared it with him it needed to be Red and Angry, not Varian and Cass. 

Just imagine if this song came during an episode where he had to watch the girls. Imagine if he was singing it just for them. How much more impactful would that have been? 

Now imagine that we had a Rapunzel and Varian duet in it’s place here. That would have tied the episode together better and helped to further their own stories. Glenn Slater can write lyrics far better than Chris can write dialogue. I bet you a thousand to one Tangled the Series would have solved like half of it’s problems had Menken and Slater been allowed write and actual apology duet between Raps and Varian. 

Such a duet was proposed during Rapunzel’s Return but it could have worked here too, and you could have placed Lance’s solo in Day of the Animals or something, just leave Rapunzel out of that episode all together. 

Nothing honestly needed to be cut music wise, yet for some reason season three has less songs than the other seasons, even when counting the reprises, and they’re mostly shorter too. 

That’s mismanagement right there. Plain and simple. Someone at the top didn’t know how to balance the budget or resources and didn’t know where to the throw the money at. 

You Have a 70 Foot Shield Made of Magic Hair, Rapunzel

You couldn’t think to just block those rocks instead?

Giving your protagonist a big hero moment doesn’t work if they placed the person the have to save in jeopardy to begin with show. 

I Do Not Care About Rapunzel Right Now, Show

Yes, she’s the main character. Yes, her feud with Cass is the main conflict of the season and kicked off the episode. That does not mean that I automatically care about her personal feelings at this moment in time. 

Rapunzel has kept such a tight lid on her real feelings for the whole episode that this just comes out of nowhere. I was never waiting with baited breath for her to confess her deep dark secrets or whatever. 

It’s not even an interesting reveal. It’s just “Oh, see Rapunzel’s human too. She’s gets scared just like everybody else.”. I already fucking knew that, thanks. And what she’s afraid of isn’t even that compelling either; it’s a just a rip off of the prophecy dreams she had back in season one. The same ones that had no explanation and never furthered the story, so why should I care about this one?  

You have to earn the audience’s investment in your conflict. The character’s likability, as little as that may be currently, will only carry you so far, you have to establish shit first.  

Varian’s conflict has been the focus of the entire episode so far, and it’s a conflict that was set all the way back in season one, so of course that is what I’m invested in seeing get resolved. Rapunzel is once again just butting in and making it all about her when it’s not actually her story. 

And if you wanted it to be her story then you should have made her the actual focus to begin with and had her learn something by the end of it. 

This is Poor Choice of Words, Writers 

I could be generous here and pass this off as Rapunzel not fully believing in this prophecy. After all Corona’s destruction is still a hypothetical at this point and Cassandra really has left already. Since the episode is about fear, Rapunzel is of course more afraid of losing Cassandra’s friendship as it’s real tangible possibility. 

More than a possibility even, Rapunzel’s been dumped. Season three is a classic break up story, right down to the poor plotting and tunnel vision, hence why it’s so gay baity. 

However, this reading only carries so far. For starters this is Rapunzel’s what, fourth prophecy dream so far? Haven’t the past three already came true, so why would she think this one wouldn’t? 

Secondly, all that good grace goes right out the window once it becomes clear that, yes, Cassandra is indeed a threat; a threat that Rapunzel refuses to take seriously because she cares more about her own personal validation than her kingdom. 

Even as Cassandra does succeed in destroying Corona, and no doubt harms other people while at it, Rapunzel still is obsessed with ‘winning Cassandra back’. Oh and make no mistake, this is not because she actually cares about Cassandra as a person and her needs or feelings. Nope. Rapunzel just doesn’t like being dumped. 

Why Does Varian Need to Shove His Feelings Aside for Rapunzel’s Bullshit?

Rapunzel’s ‘confession’ has fuck all to do with Varian’s current issues. They do not connect in any way.  

Varian is dealing with real trauma, trauma that she helped cause, while Rapunzel is only dealing with a hypothetical prophecy and one very shallow, self-centered fear. There’s nothing to relate to here. Neither for Varian himself nor the audience. 

Yet for some undefined reason this is what gets Varian to ignore his PTSD flashbacks? What? 

This is once again break the narrative promise. I was promised closure for Varian’s story arc and instead of that the writers just brush it up under the rug. 

From the outside looking in this doesn’t come across as Varian ‘overcoming’ his ‘fear’. It looks like an abuse victim using learned helplessness to placate his abusers.

And yes, for the last time Rapunzel is Varian’s abuser. 

NEGLECT IS ABUSE!!! 

And and even though he is no longer her ‘responsibility’, she is still neglecting him emotionally as his supposed friend. 

Varian’s and Cassandra’s Stories Undermined Each Other’s 

Varian stopped the rocks. Rapunzel had nothing to do with it. Zhan Tiri blaming Rapunzel for it steals agency away from both her and Cassandra. 

However, if Rapunzel had used the hurt incantation to stop the rocks and Cassandra had felt it rom the other side, then you’d have something to back up Zhan Tiri’s claim and an actual point of real conflict to carry the rest of the season. Not to mention an actual tangible goal for Cassandra to work towards, survival. 

Cassandra’s conflict with Rapunzel not only prevents the resolution to Varian’s arc from being satisfying, but Varian fulfilling his arc in turn winds up cutting off Cass’s story at the knees. 

It didn’t have to be this way. Varian’s and Cassandra’s arcs should have complimented each other, but instead the creator decided to make them complete for screen time and relevance. 

It is such an gratingly stupid and petty decision that winds up being a disservice for all the characters involved.   

Cassandra’s motivation and goal should have been revealed back in season two. Varian should have been the sole focus of Rapunzel’s Return and gotten his big hero moment there along; with an actual ending to his conflict with Rapunzel that didn’t feel so lopsided and half assed. Then Rapunzel and Cassandra could have both been held accountable for their conflict in season three, instead of pretending like their shit smelled of roses the whole damn time. 

Lance Got a Whole Crowd Cheering Him On For Singing a Song, Varian Just Gets One Asshole Giving Him a Single Line of Congratulations

Did I mention this show has an odd anti-Varian bias? Cause it does. For whatever reasons his own creators hate him and that’s just utterly baffling to me. Like why create a main character that you don’t like? 

I look down on professional writers who treat characters they didn’t create poorly within their works, like with James Gunn and Scrappy Doo in the Scooby Doo Movie, Adric in the Doctor Who spin offs, or even the treatment of Doofus in Ducktales 2017. I don't care how much a character is liked or disliked by fandom, that shit is just tasteless and often unfunny. But at least I understand where they are coming from when they do it. 

But I’ll never understand what compels a writer to sabotage their own work; one that they are getting paid to write no less. Especially when said character is super popular with their fans. And Chris knows this. He knows the ratings plummeted without Varian in season two. He knows the merch didn’t sell because there wasn’t enough Varian products. That’s why he hyped up Varian’s return a whole week before Season Three’s airing with a massive online campaign, but he wasn’t smart enough to treat the character decently afterwards? 

I mean congrats, you convinced a just enough viewers to come back to season three to keep the show on the air I guess, but you left them all pissed off and have nothing to show for it to the higher ups a Disney. 

And Chris wonders why he wasn’t asked back to work on new Disney princesses shows that are currently in the works. 

That is Not Quirin. That is a Plank of Wood Pretending to be Quirin.

*Beep* *Boop*...*Dad Bot Is Proud. exe* 

Quirin is such a pale shadow of his season one self that he might as well not exist. I genuinely don't know why the writers released from the amber so early if they weren’t actually going to use him until the season finale. 

For the longest time I honestly thought that Rapunzel sucked out his soul with that decay incantation; what with that lyric about “setting the spirit free”. I genuinely thought that would be a later plot point, but nope, it’s just bad writing

Him just saying hi to son once and smiling blankly isn’t compelling and it’s isn’t fulfilling. It doesn’t actually resolve his arc. I mean he’s at least shown spending time with his son, but that’s not enough. We need to see him acknowledge past, we need to see him acknowledge his own flaws, and we need to see him being more attentive when Varian is in need. .  

Season one Quirin would be trying to stop Varian from going near the red rocks, a post season one Quirin should logically go after his son to make sure he’s alright, even if he’s know longer trying to actively stop Varian like he once did. 

There’s also that damn note and it’s secrets! 

You know what? That’s it. That’s the problem. The focus is all wrong in season three. Episodes get pulled into to many directions trying to juggle too many characters rather than dedicating the needed time to each individual arc. 

Season two’s finale should have been a three parter with Cass’s full motivation and goal laid bare before leaving.

Rapunzel’s Return should have been solely about Rapunzel and Varian’s conflict and resolving that arc fully 

Either Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf or Day of the Animals should have been a Lance episode about him and the girl’s, no Rapunzel. 

And this episode should have been about Quirin and Varian resolving their issues, with the Rapunzel and Cass stuff as the B plot not the stupid talent show 

There, all fixed. You don't even have to cut much, just rework the focus and leave Rapunzel and Cassandra out of conflicts they have no business being in. 

This Does Not Excuse Rapunzel’s Later Negligence Regarding Cassandra

Just because the red rocks was an accident doesn’t mean Cassandra should get a free pass for all the awful things she does later. Rapunzel uses this one interaction to excuse everything else Cassandra does in season three, as if she was just some poor lost baby and not a grown ass woman out to kill them. 

In fact Cass showing hesitancy here actually makes her later actions even worse. This means that she fully acknowledges that what she’s about to do is wrong, but goes ahead and does anyway, even gleefully so at times. Then she has to gall to act baffled when people see her as a threat? 0.o 

When fans say Cass isn’t redeemable or shouldn’t be redeemed, it’s not because he actions are so much worse than everybody else’s (even though they are), It’s because she doesn’t act like she wants to be redeemed half the time. The show doesn’t properly set up her ‘redemption’, instead it just lazily has Rapunzel yell at us how she’s ‘not lost’. 

Like below for instance. 

What Does Cass Need Saving From?

Cassandra is not in danger. She is the danger. 

She made the conscious decision to leave taking a world endangering artifact with her, and she later makes the conscious decision to come back and be an asshole for no adequately defined reason. 

She’s never shown to be in any physical danger from the rocks, the moonstone, or even Zhan Tiri herself. She apparently can take care of herself in the wild for over a year. She also has the capability of getting a job else where and just living out her life if she wanted to. Nothing is forcing her to listen to Zhan Tiri. 

Heck, even her hurt arm, the one thing Rapunzel is responsible for and could potentially be a continued threat to Cass’s well being, is just completely forgotten about.

And no, mental illness and past trauma are not excuses as well. In fact it’s rather insulting to both people with mental heath problems and abusive survivors to suggest otherwise. We don't need ‘saving from ourselves’ and we aren’t automatically dangers to anybody. Nor do we get free passes if we hurt someone. A jerk who happens to have a mental illness is just a jerk who so happens to have a mental illness; coloration is not causation. 

Conclusion 

It’s better than Rapunzel’s Return, but this episode was still a disappointment. A small part of me whishes this was a two parter because it has so much untapped potential, but I know it’s just be wasted in Chris’s hands. 

Anyways, I consider this to be the true mid-season finale of S3. Not only did the hiatus kick in after this episode, but it also clearly divides the season between the first half filler and the later Cass conflict. As such the next entry will be the mid-season recap. See ya, then. 

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[tuiyla]

I feel like a lot of the bullying discourse is reactionary, where you have UHT stans reacting to the writers selling Rachel as the only underdog LONG after that dynamic has changed, and then Rachel stans reacting to fandom often preferring the UHT when they WERE objectively awful at times. I know I find myself reacting to a lot of Faberry fic that acts like Quinn never progressed past the pilot, or that somewhat understandably, tries to ignore the Finn elephant in the room. 1/2

Because a LOT of Rachel's worst behavior towards Quinn is Finn-related. And so if you're deep into "Quinn never actually loved Finn, so who cares", then that dynamic reverts to "Quinn was awful to Rachel who never did anything wrong to her". Which I get. But as a Quinn stan, I know I get defensive, like "Hey, remember Go Your Own Way? The S2 Sectionals tantrums? Quinn having her humiliation rubbed in her face throughout Nationals?" Anyway, Fapezberry were all bitches. Which is why we love them.

Oh I totally see what you mean and I actually kept Glee's underdog obsession in mind when replying to that post but also figured we should keep it on point. And it didn't feel like the place to highlight issues with how the show views the underdog thing when the point was to say that the UHT definitely were bullies. But these are great points you bring up.

I think the statements "the UHT bullied Rachel" and "Glee loved to hark on this and worship the underdog narrative" coexist. Yes, the Unholy Trinity were bullies to Rachel and the power dynamics of that meant that she was most definitely the victim there, but Glee's also just... so weird with the underdog theme. A topic I shall write my magnum opus on one day. But long story short, it's like the show never wanted to let go of that initial status quo and held the mean girl trope over Quinn and Santana's heads until the end tbh. God knows they reset Quinn constantly and tried to pull this shit with Santana during the Pezberry feud all the way in season 5, which is ridiculous after the s4 they had together. I hate it when the show keeps up this martyr complex for the key underdogs, here Rachel, and pretends that the UHT are always gonna be bad people by nature of having been popular at the start of the series. You're right, that dynamic changes and yet Glee likes to pretend it's still there loong long after the characters should have moved on. This is such a big topic for Pezberry where Rachel as a character holds this over Santana's head but, another day.

I kinda disagree on the love triangle of it all, that is if I'm understanding what you're saying. Because when it comes to the love triangle and Faberry as romantic rivals trying to get with the same boy for some godforsaken reason it's a dynamic not separate from the bullying Quinn commits against Rachel but also not part of it. So what I'm trying to say is that just because Rachel is a menace when Fuinn are dating, both times, that shouldn't and doesn't negate how Quinn treats her early on. Rachel being obnoxious about Fuinn and disregarding their relationship is not the same as Quinn ruthlessly exploiting the power dynamics of high school and using her status to further make Rachel's life miserable. The way I see it, Faberry were rivals when it came to Finn and rivals of more or less equal standing, at that, but Quinn was a bully and Rachel a victim when it came to general high school life. Early on, anyway. The show can't just redeem Quinn only to pretend that never happened and that's where Glee falls short. And that's when they tend to fall back on "yeah well Quinn was a bully, so, Rachel's always gonna be better and the superior choice for Finn." I mean, don't even get me started on how both girls are vastly superior to him and how Finn himself was a bully anyway, lol.

But, yeah. Nothing Rachel does within the narrative of the love triangle is comparable to the shit Quinn put her through because of those dynamics, but that doesn't mean Rachel wasn't incredibly obnoxious about Fuinn. It's just, these exist on two different levels. Outside of that love triangle dynamic where Rachel is actively trying to get with Quinn's boyfriend and everything that comes with that, she has virtually no power in their high school dynamic and therefore can't be called Quinn's rival. Not in those early scenes, not while Quinn's the top dog ordering slushie attacks and bullying Rachel before she even lays eyes on Finn. That's kinda what I was getting at in my previous post, too. Calling Quinn/the UHT and Rachel rivals outside of the love entanglements is disingenuous and minimizes the UHT's clear and cruel bullying. That's the thing, they weren't just awful and Quinn wasn't just mean re: Finn; it was bullying.

[losille2000]

The Swan, Chapter 6

TITLE: The Swan CHAPTER NUMBER: 6/? AUTHOR: Losille2000 WHICH Tom/CHARACTER: Actor!Tom GENRE: Romance/Drama FIC SUMMARY: Sequel to The Ugly Duckling. Astrid embarks on a two-week trip to London to serve as her sister’s maid of honor, hoping against all hope she might miraculously run into her Hawaiian mystery man. When her sister and soon-to-be brother-in-law drag her to a production of Hamlet to meet the groom’s best man, Astrid gets the shock of her life. The situation, though, is anything but perfect. RATING: M (sex, language) WARNINGS: None in this chapter. AUTHORS NOTES: So... what can I say? It's been a while. If you want the whole story, you can look through my blog or message me. I'm happy to answer. That said, it's been a good three years since I did any serious writing. My writing muscles need to build back up to what they were before. Please be kind... and let me know what you think. :D

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - ALSO ON AO3!

Chapter 6 - Flying the Coop

Regret.

Astrid regretted ever stomping up those stairs to Tom’s bedroom. She regretted challenging him to make a move. She regretted letting him have his way with her. In the moment, it seemed right. Maybe if they slept together again, they’d find an incompatibility, especially now that the air of tropical mystery had dissipated and left in its place two broken flesh-and-blood people.

How wrong could she have been?

Now it was amplified, deeper, hotter, engulfing.

Only two weeks for whatever this fire was to fizzle?

It wasn’t, as the Brits say, bloody likely.

And here she was, smack dab in the position she didn’t want to be in; no matter how tangentially her current association with her mother, the family business, and Hollywood was, being connected to Tom in this way presented too many problems to even consider at this point. And fucking him—

“Astrid, are you even listening to me?”

Astrid jumped from the intrusion, letting out a slight squeak. She blinked hard and turned in her spot to look at her sister, who stood in the middle of the furnished but unoccupied flat. “Sorry?”

“Are you okay?” Tilde asked. “You’ve been spacey after the dress shop— and I’m just worried.”

“You don’t need to worry.”

“Let me worry,” she begged. “Let me be the big sister I never got to be.”

Astrid laughed ruefully. If only she could actually talk with Tilde about Tom. She wouldn’t understand, or at the very least, it could pose some very difficult situations in the coming days with the wedding right around the corner. But, Astrid guessed, Tilde meant the other elephant in the room... Astrid being the elephant, and their mother being a Class A narcissist. Because there was absolutely no way Tilde would know about what had happened at Tom’s home...

“It’s too late for that, Tilde,” Astrid said. “You know I love you. I just— there’s no changing her.”

Tilde grumbled and glided over to the couch in the living room. She dropped down on top of the cushions, barely displacing the pillow stuffing with her slight ballet-formed frame. “I should have never allowed her to do all this. I should have done it on my own, it’s not like Jim and I are so hard up. But I thought...”

Astrid held up a hand to stop her sister and sat on the couch more gingerly than Tilde, measuredly, so as not to displace any stuffing in the overstuffed couch, either. Something her mother had taught her, after all: If you’re not going to put in effort to look like a lady, you can at least act like one.

God, even that memory still hurt, down to the marrow in her bones.

“But you did.” Astrid shrugged and laid her head on the back of the couch. There, she sighed.

The sisters sat in silence for some time, listening to Duchess rooting around the flat for something to chew on. When the pug found nothing, she eventually jumped up onto the couch and snuggled into Tilde’s lap.

Astrid cleared her throat. “It’s not all Mom, either. I’m just tired from jet lag and getting everything together for the house party.”

And sleeping with the Best Man. She was pretty sure she’d read a romance novel or a hundred about this situation once. Did that make her a cliché?

“Oh, I meant to ask,” Tilde interjected. “How did that go? Tom was a total tool last night and I was worried about today.”

Astrid licked her lips subconsciously; she could still taste the sugar left by a bite of tiramisu Tom had given to her on a fork. If she concentrated hard enough, she was sure she could still taste the salt of his skin mixed in with it. She could certainly feel the tight muscle in her thigh that pulled every time she shifted, from the way he’d bent it and held it firmly in place as he’d had his way with her.

Frankly, it was a miracle they’d accomplished anything after they ended up in bed. But, she supposed, that was the weirdest part about the whole afternoon. They got out of bed, dressed without speaking and just... worked on what they needed to for the party. There was no discussion. No arguing. Tom stayed a respectable distance from her; she wasn’t sure if she had really wanted him to do it again, over and over, until they were both exhausted. They ate lunch quietly, they got everything organized and packed into his Land Rover, then Tilde showed up and they bade farewell, like it was something they did every day.

Nothing more was said about Hawaii, or a relationship, or lies, or having this end in two weeks. He seemed to be ignoring the topics all together, likely in the misguided belief that if he didn’t bring it up, then everything was fine. She ignored them because discussing WHY she refused to become a true part of his life was too painful.

Astrid pursed her lips and closed her eyes again. Isn’t that what she told him she wanted, though? To feel worshipped and then go about their lives, like nothing happened? Ignore all the elephants and enjoy the sex. No emotion, only sex. He was just following her demands, his need too great to put the brakes on their interlude in his bed.

The problem was that she did want more with him. She wanted emotion and relationships and rainbows and butterflies. When she had thought of him as some wealthy businessman she might once again bump into while visiting London, this had been possible. She had, after all, imagined a reality over the last eighteen months that included falling in love with him and living a life together.

But he wasn’t a businessman. He was an actor. He ran in circles she just couldn’t stomach anymore.

“It was fine. We finished everything and packed it all into his Land Rover for the drive up to Cliveden,” Astrid finally said. “The costume deliveries will be there when we arrive.”

“This really has gotten out of control,” Tilde said. “Part of me just wants to run to the register office and get it over with.”

Astrid shook her head violently. “You do that, and I’ll flip the fuck out. I put too much work into this.”

Tilde laughed. “Scared you, huh?”

“I’m serious, Tilde,” Astrid said, lightly smacking her sister’s thigh. Duchess popped her head up, and thinking it was an invitation for her, came over to her aunt. Astrid cuddled the dog close to her chest, breathing in her freshly bathed fur.

“She likes you,” Tilde said.

Astrid kissed Duchess’ head. “Small children and dogs, apparently.”

Tilde chuckled softly before letting out a long sigh. “I bet she would really like it if her Aunt Astrid were around more.”

“Aunt Astrid is a teacher and never has any time,” she replied directly to Duchess. Duchess reached for the hand that had stopped petting her and touched it with her paw. Her imploring buggy pug eyes asked Aunt Astrid for more.

Tilde huffed, but said nothing more for a long time. Then she cleared her throat. “How do you like the flat, anyway?”

“It’s nice,” Astrid confirmed. In fact, it was nicer than “nice.” This flat looked like one of those staged ads in a real estate magazine with lots of recessed lighting, soft gray colors, top-of-the-line furnishings and a ton of space.

“We’re trying to decide if we’ll sell it or keep it as an investment property,” Tilde replied. “It’s kind of a pain in the ass as a rental property, though.”

Astrid nodded. “You could just give it to Dad’s company to manage.”

Not that doing so was a great option, either.

If Astrid saw her mother irregularly, she saw her father even less. After their separation, he spent time in Las Vegas developing a new casino concept and then, when Astrid graduated from UNLV, moved his business operations permanently back to Sweden. Still, though, the relationship with her father was better than it was with her mother, simply by virtue that he was never around and didn’t have an opportunity to find the weaknesses in her armor like her mother. Tilde rarely spoke about either parent, but Astrid was certain their relationship was similar.

Tilde sat up and turned to look at Astrid seriously. “Or you could move into it.”

“Excuse me?” Astrid said, her heart skipping a few beats, from a sudden surge of anxiety and... something else.

“I’m serious, Astrid,” she said. “We don’t see each other enough and I want to spend time with you and make up for all those years we were apart.”

This wasn’t just some passing fancy. Astrid could see that as plain as day on Tilde’s face. Her sister was determined to convince her to move to London. But for what? She had no support system other than Tilde and James... and her career... well, that was back in Las Vegas.

Not that Las Vegas itself was the most amazing place to live and work.

“I’d never see you anyway,” Astrid argued. “You’re always rehearsing, or preparing to rehearse, or performing. And god knows James is going to be busy doing whatever.”

“Yeah, about that...” Tilde said, trailing off quietly. She picked at the dog hair on her sweater for a few seconds, then slowly looked back at Astrid. “I’m retiring at the end of this season.”

“What?!”

Tilde shrugged. “James and I want a family, and if I wait until it’s a ‘good time,’ it’ll never happen because of our schedules. And really, it’s getting harder and harder to come back from injuries and such. I just... I need a long break from being a performing ballerina. I don’t have the fire I once had, the same will to fight for every goddamn role.”

Astrid simply nodded. This was huge news. Ballet was Tilde’s life. She’d been doing it since she was a little girl, had impeccable skill and training and talent for it. The joke was that Tilde had come out of the womb in pointe shoes.

Which wasn’t that far from the truth, really. As soon as their mother could, she’d gotten Tilde into dance with the best instructors money could buy. Their mother, the failed ballerina, always lived through them. Which explained why she did not like anything about Astrid— Astrid did not have anything that would benefit her.

“Have you told Mom yet?” Astrid asked.

Tilde shook her head. “Of course not! And listen to her prattle on about how I’m a failure and she gave me so much and I’m just a terrible person? No, thank you. I’ll wait until she is permanently back in LA before I tell her.”

Even though Tilde had not yet told anyone else, it somehow eased the tension in Astrid’s shoulders knowing that Tilde would be in their mother’s crosshairs for a change. Typically, that wasn’t the case; their parents always treated Tilde like the perfect golden child. Of course, Tilde had always been one of Astrid’s fiercest allies… when she could. However, since Tilde spent most of her life in London studying at the Royal Ballet from a very early age, support and camaraderie had been scarce. Now, though? Now it felt like she and Tilde could weather the storm together.

Tilde continued, “Yeah. I’m thinking about opening up a dance studio and then after the baby thing happens, if I still have the performing bug in me, then I’ll start guesting. But I’m just so excited to start having babies.”

Stopping the smile from forming on Astrid’s lips was impossible as she registered the excitement on Tilde’s face. Astrid felt the enthusiasm coming from Tilde’s corner of the couch. “I’m excited for you, Tilde.”

And she was. She truly was.

Tilde reached out and grabbed Astrid’s hand. “I’m serious, though, Astrid. We never had a great family growing up, and I see this as an opportunity to right the wrongs of the past and create the family we should have had growing up.”

“I don’t know, Til.”

“James and I have both talked about it a lot and we both agree.”

“Tilde, even if I did move here,” Astrid began, “I don’t know the first thing about teaching in England.”

Tilde nodded. “I know. But James’ parents are retired teachers. I’m sure they’d be willing to help you make heads or tails of it.”

Astrid pursed her lips and turned to stare at the dormant fireplace sitting in front of them. Duchess, who had not moved, made happy dog purr noises as Astrid massaged the tiny velvet triangles of her ears. To be fair to Tilde, Astrid had often thought of moving to London to be nearer to her, but she never thought it would happen or that Tilde would actually need or want her here. The fact that she was wanted made emotion spring to her eyes and prick at them until they watered.

But then, there was the other issue.

The really, super, ginormous issue that came in the shape of a devastatingly handsome British man she met on vacation. If she moved to London, she’d certainly be seeing him more. No clean break at the end of two weeks like she hoped.

“And, you know,” Tilde said, “London’s arts scene is stupendous. We have the hook-up. I thought you could get back into it. You can hardly do that in Las Vegas.”

Astrid snorted. “Tilde, that part of my life is over.”

“Why? You’re amazing. I remember the video you sent of your college production of Othello. There wasn’t a dry eye in the place.”

While Tilde’s appreciation for her talent warmed Astrid’s heart, it didn’t take away the sting of her mother’s actions. Astrid couldn’t even bring herself to discuss it with Tilde when it first happened, much less in the intervening eight years since the incidents that led to her total disavowal of all things acting related. Her silence on the matter, though, had finally come home to roost. First with Tilde telling Tom she was still an actor, and Tom calling her a liar because she told him she wanted nothing to do with it. And now, with Tilde staring her down imploringly. Tilde wanted answers just as much as Tom did, except for very different reasons.

Astrid could not force her suddenly leaden tongue to move in her mouth. Tilde would just have to live with not knowing the whole story, for now. Finally, she said, “If I move to London, I’m not going to be acting.”

“Well, I guess I’ll take that,” Tilde replied. “As long as you’ll still consider moving here to be with me.”

A knock at the front door startled them all, sending Duchess barking and wheezing to the door. The door opened and James popped his head inside. “Knock knock.”

“Come in!” Tilde sang back to him, jumped from her seat, and nearly leaped over the back of the couch to get to him like he was a cold glass of lemonade on a hot day. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him squarely. For a brief, possibly irrational, moment, Astrid was jealous of her sister and the relationship she had built with James.

Which wasn’t a great feeling to have if the plan was to spend more time with them. How could she uproot her entire life— leave her students and friends— and move halfway across the globe just to be consumed by the green-eyed monster?

“Babe,” Tilde said, “tell Astrid she needs to move to London.”

James laughed and turned to look at Astrid. “Astrid… you need to move to London.”

“Thank you!” Tilde pecked his cheek and pirouetted in place until she was facing away from him. She started walking back toward the bedroom. “Let me go get my purse and we can get going.”

When Tilde was gone, and the flat was mostly silent except for more of Duchess’ puggy wheezing as she calmed, James’ smile dropped into a stony seriousness. He stepped over to her and quietly murmured, “We would love to have you here, Astrid. But I understand if you don’t want to come. The decision has to be yours, and if you decide not to move, I will handle Tilde.”

Astrid was grateful for James’ level-headedness in the situation. In the short time she’d known the man, she found that he was a gifted reader of rooms. That was why he was so good with Tilde— a steady anchor in a turbulent sea. Clearly, he understood the anxiety twisting her stomach into knots.

She set a grateful hand on his arm and squeezed appreciatively. “Thanks, James.”

“And don’t let my association with Tom cloud your judgement,” James said.

Astrid withdrew her hand like he’d burned it. Her eyes snapped up to his, then focused outward on the rest of his features and body language. She didn’t know how he knew, but he did. Tom must have told James, despite that she asked him not to.

Unless Tom had told James last night…

“How do you...” She trailed off, turning her gaze and trying to hide her blush.

“He’s my best man for a reason. We tell each other everything,” James replied. “I had hoped that your work today would allow you some time to figure things out before more of this wedding commenced and caused a problem.”

Astrid gulped. “Does Tilde know?”

James shook his head silently.

“Good,” Astrid replied. Good for two reasons, really. The first, because it confirmed for her that the invitation to come to London wasn’t Tilde playing matchmaker. The second, because she still didn’t want anybody to know about it. “Wait… how much did he tell you?”

James stared back at her, a mischievous glint in his eyes and a slight curl at the corner of his mouth. “That would be breaking the Code.”

Her face now completely aflame, Astrid bent down and grabbed Duchess into her arms. She couldn’t even look at the man anymore without feeling embarrassed. Hopefully, it would pass quickly.

“Bad news!” Tilde called from the hallway as she came back into the room. Her thumbs moved rapidly over the screen of her iPhone. “Mother decided we needed an all hands on deck dinner tonight.”

Astrid groaned. “In addition to or replacing the one tomorrow night at Cliveden?”

“In addition to,” Tilde said. “Tom can’t make it tonight because he has the cast party, and Dad isn’t even in England yet, so that’ll be the official one. Tonight is probably just more nitpicking.”

“Do we have to?” Astrid whined.

Tilde sighed heavily and dropped her phone into her purse with agitation. “Strength in numbers, dear sister.”

Her sister's proclamation made the summons to dinner no better, but Astrid and James dutifully followed Tilde out of the flat and out to the car. The only saving grace was that Tom wouldn't be there. Astrid could focus on one problem, not two.

[writerbuddha]

George Lucas - Buddhist Methodist

How you came to identify with the Buddhist religion and also what the similarities are between the two of Methodism [and Buddhism]?

GEORGE LUCAS: Well, when I was very young, I don't know about 8 or 10 years old, somewhere in there, I can distinctly remember asking my mother "If there is one God, why are there so many religions?” And obviously she couldn’t answer that, but I think that question has always been very relevant to my life, because, obviously, if there's one God, then everybody is worshipping the same God, then everybody should be sort of... the Word of God, if there is a Word of God, would be the same. But if you find there's... you know, hundreds of different interpretations of everything which obviously means that - in my mind - is not really the Word of God, that's the word of man. And if you go beyond all the religions - because they're similar... you know, they are all... I like to think of them as the blind men and the elephant. Blind men goes up to the elephant, one grabs the leg and says "it's a tree" the other grabs the ear, he says "it's a leaf" and the other one says "it's a trunk" and "it's a snake" and... you know. But they're all describing the same things. What you do is try to look for the unifying factors in all religions.

Devin Kumar productions

Let me ask you both this: does a particular world faith connect to your understandings of things? Mellody [Hobson], you mentioned Jesus, then both of you were talking about this notion of non-attachment and things passing and that resonates with Buddhism. Do you follow a particular faith, or did you come on these understandings independently? It's wonderfully update and lyrical and also deep and feels ancient.

GEORGE LUCAS: Well, you got to remember I am from California. I am from San Francisco, the Zen Buddhist capital of the United States. But at the same time... In my study of anthropology which is basically the study of different religions and different ways of thinking of things... you know, my kids asked me "What are we? What am I?" I said "Well, we're Methodist Buddhists." Which... and you discover in anthropology that, you know... there's, which is... when I was about, I don't know, seven years old, the age of my daughter, I asked my mother, "if there are so many different religions, why there is only one God?" And she couldn't answer that, but if there is only one God, then you realize that the religions are the manifestation of man, or woman, humans, but the God is still there. It's just we don't know what it is, how it looks like, what it is, but one thing it has constantly done in all religions, is that God is love.

MELLODY HOBSON: For me... I grew up... my mother was a Pentecostal, and so I used to go to... I was one of those kids who had church all day on Sunday I mean, like we had lunch and dinner at church. And... until I was about 12 years old, actually. I want to my mother, and I said, "I have so much homework, I cannot do this. I have to stay home." so my family would go on Sundays, and I would stay home and do my homework. Then I went to a Catholic school. Where I was taught by Jesuits and, Jesuits were really famous, they were an order of priests, they're really famous for questioning everything. And so, I was taught in Catholic school to question everything. I was also taught in Catholic school to study all religions. And the first thing that they did was they told me when I started school, they said "You are a Judeo-Christian." That was a new term for me. For me, Christianity, you know was born in Judaism and so first thing we did was study Judaism in a very significant way. Which is obviously, first Old Testament, New Testament. So long story short, without getting too philosophical, that became my foundation, then I studied all other religions in High School. Buddhism, Jainism, I mean I could go on and on with all the religions that we studied, because their point of view was you need to know everything, in order to decide what you believe. As opposed to forcing us to believe something. And ultimately, that world view really shaped me. And I didn't choose one, I chose all the pieces of different ones that really spoke to me. And that's really the way I go through. I have memories of my mother and the Pentecostal church with the singing and the passing out and the speaking in tongues, and then I also have the Catholic mass with all of its order in Latin and then understanding all other religions. George and I want to see the Dalai Lama once, because I really, really wanted to meet him, George had already met him, but I really wanted to meet him, so we went to see him, and it was deeply... I walked into the room with him, and I just started crying, I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop. The only time that ever happened to me before is when I met Nelson Mandela. I was overwhelmed by his presence. And I felt God. And he is not a god, he says he is not, but there is something in him that is so... weighty. And you feel so much humanity in him, that I was overwhelmed, and George was there and saw the whole thing so I'm very much a believer in the spiritual but I... we maybe I've done it a la carte.

Virtual speaker interview

[kemetic-dreams]

Step 3: Ikenga

by Omenka Egwuatu Nwa-Ikenga "Ikenga m kwalu otu, njee mge ona mmuo" (As long as my Ikenga is active I can wrestle in the land of the spirits)

Welcome back to the 13 steps. In Step one, you learned how ncheta (remembrance) is the basis for all the other steps. In Step two, you learned on the power of your potential & kinetic energies (Chi na Eke) and how important it is to make sure they are kept in harmony with one another. Now we will again return to a common experience that nearly all humans share. Unlike the first 2 steps, you should have quite a  few memories of this one.

Do you recall the various things you wanted to be as a child? If you were anything like me, that list included alot of things through various ages. And do you remember what you did once you decided to be something? Well, you began in what is now called “make believe.” Without being coached or trained, you and your various playmates could pretend to be whatever you wanted and engage in any activity your minds could muster. You likely pretended to fight battles or engage in space exploration. Maybe you pretended to be a director and used dolls and toys as actors. The key takeaway here my brothers and sisters, is that you used the power of your imagination to create the reality you desired, even if it was a temporary thing

Now today, if you happened to stumble upon the “self help” section in any bookstore, or undergo any form of coaching or training, you will likely be told about something called “creative visualization.” A very simple definition of it would be utilizing the power of your imagination as an aide to getting better results in your life. Countless people have used it to beat addictions, overcome their fears, as well as acquire new skills. Sound familiar? It's once again a reminder of how you need to remember things as an adult that you did naturally as a child, isn't it?

Now remembering the lessons from “Step Two" and Eke have been with you as long as you’ve been on this planet, even if you’re not as in sync with them as you once were. And as I said in that lesson, Igbo culture (along with many others) left a number of reminders for you of the various things you came into the world knowing. The one reminder we will cover today is the one that goes by the name “Ikenga.”

This figure is shared amongst the Urhobo, Edo, and Igala, but the Igbo version is the most well known. Just like Chi na Eke, an entire series of books would be needed to properly expound upon Ikenga. One popular definition of Ikenga is "place of strength." However,  for the purpose of this step, we will say that Ikenga is a symbol of achievement, especially through the use of your right hand. On a sidenote, it goes without saying that for most human beings, their right hand is their dominant one. For the 10% of you for which that’s not the case, just apply this same rationale to the hand that is your dominant one for this step.

The first aspect of Ikenga we will discuss is its appearance. They come in various shapes and sizes, but one key aspect is horns, typically that of a ram, which is prizes for its aggressiveness. Just like the ram, Igbos believe that  one must plunge into a venture in order to succeed. Contrary to misinformation by Igbo Christians, Ikenga, much like other sacred objects, was not an item of worship but a visible representation of things that were invisible. In this case, Ikenga represents your divine self image. In other words, a self image based on your Chi (your unlimited potential), working in unison with your Eke (your limited kinetic energy). Ikenga is thus said to be a gift or symbol of one’s Chi. Anyone who has either achieved consistent success or studied/coached those who have, is aware of how critical having a healthy self image actually is. With an unhealthy self image, your numerous self doubts will usually defeat you before you even get started. Even if you do happen to achieve success despite a negative self image, you will likely be the victim of your own self-sabotage.

"Ebune jị isi éjé ogụ" (The ram goes into a fight head first)

Ikengas were not limited to individuals, but communities could also have them (sometimes called Ikeoha). These communal Ikengas were representations of the achievements and ideals of a community. The Ikenga of the United States of America holds a torch in her right hand, and stands tall in Liberty Island in New York Harbor

The second aspect of Ikenga we will discuss would be its adaptability, meaning its ability to change. Young men would typically get an Ikenga carved when they began their various vocations. In some ways, you could say it would be very similar to receiving a diploma in today’s world. However, an  Ikenga was not permanent, and it could evolve as the owner’s roles changed. A young man whose main task was defending his village would receive a warrior’s Ikenga holding a sword, whereas when that same man became a more accomplished elder, he would now have a title holder’s Ikenga holding a sacred staff. Alternatively, if a man chose a profession that didn't bring him much success, he could throw away the Ikenga (self image) that was not helping him and choose a new Ikenga (and possibly a new profession) that did.

Ikenga adighi ile, azilaa ya nku" (An Ikenga that is ineffective, cut it for firewood)

The third aspect is persistence. Once an Ikenga was established, a routine was established to straighten it. Regular offerings of kolanut, alligator pepper, and libations were made to it, often during the igo ofu ututu (traditional morning prayer). To the uninitiated, it would appear that the Ikenga itself is being worshipped, but I want to reveal a secret to you: If one makes a prayer, whether spoken out loud or silently, your mind cannot help but create a mental picture of whatever choice of words you use. For example, if I mention a pink elephant, you can’t help but imagine one. The same applies to things like positive thinking, affirmations, proverbs, etc. What would happen if you constantly reminded yourself of your goals? Regularly repeated words of encouragement and positivity? And returning back to your childhood, how powerful could your imagination be when if it focused on a long term goal? And even more so when you also dedicate yourself to constant practice and honing of your skills?

"Ikenga chim nyelum, taa oji" (Ikenga, gift of my chi, participate in the offering)

So in summary, an Ikenga is a divinely based self image, that changes as needed, and is fed/reinforced by persistence and dedication. And here’s a final thought my brothers and sisters. One thing about dedication is that you must accept that you’re typically not going to be very good at most things at the beginning. In fact, you’re very likely to be quite bad. However if you stick with it and learn from your mistakes, not only will you improve, you will likely become quite good.

At some point you did not have the ability to read these words at all, but through repetition and practice over time, you gained that ability didn’t you? The same applies to just about everything you now have the ability to do (walk, talk, drive, write, etc). So instead of saying that you cannot do something, you should say you haven’t done it yet.  The former may or may not be true, but the later definitely is. With a harmonized Chi na Eke (as well as working in conjunction with others), the only real limit in this universe you probably have is time. So if that's the case, why are you limiting yourself?

Step 3: I choose a divinely based self image that helps me creates the results I want and can change it when it no longer does so.

Action item: Create an Ikenga. You can draw it, or just write a description of it. Make sure to mention it in your daily prayer from step 2. Include the type of life you want to create as well as some of the goals you want to achieve. And stay tuned for step 4, which is coming out on the next new moon, November 15. Yagazie (It shall be well with you).

[ginazmemeoir]

Ganesha - the super cute deadly god

Yesterday, Hindus worldwide celebrated Ganesh Chaturthi, or Ganesha’s Birthday!! Ganesha is the Hindu god of auspiciousness, wisdom, prosperity, and a million other things. He is shown as having an elephant head, and a really chubby body. His four hands hold an axe (occasionally an ankush - the tool used by mahouts to control elephants), a noose, a flower or his tusk, and his favourite snack - laddoos or modak!

His birth story is like really rad, and also another legend concerning his birthday.

So his birth story goes that once the goddess Parvati had asked Shiva’s favourite devotee and vehicle, Nandi the Bull, to guard the door while she bathes and let nobody enter (pro tip: do not ask your husband’s lackey to do your work). Anyways Shiva enters in full dudebro Chad mode, and heads towards the bathroom. 

Nandi stops him and says, “My Lord, the Lady is bathing inside. I cannot allow you in.”

Shiva replies, “Well Nandi, we’ve had sex so I think we’re past the point where we can’t see each other in the shower.”

Not cool. Shiva enters the bathroom, and Parvati is shocked and angry. She tells Shiva to leave the bathroom at once, and he goes laughing, saying “Oh women”. Parvati was still seething with anger when Shiva left. Nandi should have stopped him, but he didn’t. Well if nobody here listened to her, she was gonna create her own... personal security head. So she gathered all the foam and dirt that collected as she bathed, and formed a boy out of it. She named the boy Vinayaka (he without a leader) and told him that she was his mother, instructing him to let nobody in while she rests now.

Imagine a cute, chubby fourth grader who’s made class monitor - only they are armed with a super deadly divine weapon. That’s what Vinayaka looked like. He started pacing around, and when Shiva came again he stopped him and said, “Sorry, you can’t enter.” Shiva had never seen this boy. And he was very certain that Parvati couldn’t have been pregnant, at least when he had seen her last. Shiva told him to let him enter, but the boy didn’t budge, saying it was his mother Parvati’s instruction. 

“Well I’m her husband and that makes me your father. Now let me meet your mother, you super adorbs boy” said Shiva.

“I was made only by my mother. And how can I believe you’re my father? I mean, you look skeevy.” replied the boy.

And so Shiva handled it rationally - sending his army of ganas (Shiva’s attendants) led by Nandi to crush the boy. Little did he know that the boy would end up crushing them, and also Nandi’s jaw. Livid, he called all the gods and told them that a super deadly cute possibly demonic boy was harassing him. All the gods then arrived with their own army to kill the boy.

Hearing of this, Parvati then sent forth Durga and Kali and her own army of goddesses to aid Vinayaka in his battle. Bada bing bada boom Shiva finds Vinayaka and beheads him. Parvati rushed out, and when she saw her son lying dead, she vowed revenge on everybody and everything unless her son was brought back to life. So Shiva told his ganas to go north and bring the head of the first animal they see - which turned out to be an elephant. Shiva then attached its head to Vinayaka, making him alive again. However Parvati wasn’t satisfied yet. So Shiva made him the god of obstacles and auspiciousness and a million other things and also gave him the right to be worshipped first in any ritual, and made him the chief of his ganas, thus giving him the name Ganesha.

If you think it doesn’t get any weirder or cooler, just read up how Ganesha handled the moon and his body shaming.

Ganesha was returning from his birthday feast, and he was just munching on some after party snacks while going back home on his vehicle - the rat Mooshak. Mooshak however couldn’t handle Ganesha’s weight and eventually both of them tripped, with Ganesha’s snacks sprawling everywhere. Seeing this, the moon god Chandra couldn’t help but laugh, and said “What happened? Did your balloon like belly come in your way you stupid ass human dumpling!?” and started snickering (dude’s actually a fuckboy, so you get it). Ganesha had about enough. He had fallen down, he had been insulted AND his after party snacks were ruined?! He gathered all the snacks back in their box and then tied it to his belly with a snake (smort). Then he faced the moon and in his adorbs little voice, said, “Yeah well how dare you make fun of me on my birthday! Fuck you you tiny little shit - please don’t tell mom i cursed - you know what, I’ve had about enough you! I curse you to lose your shine and charm and beauty, and I curse that if anybody even sees you on my birthday, they will be inviting my wrath!!!”

Immediately, Chandra kneeled in front of Ganesha, “Please don’t, being a hot piece of eye candy is the only thing I can do please don’t!!” 

To which Ganesha replied, “If you get me enough snacks and food, I might think about it.” (he did Chandra went back to being his fuckboy self but woke).

But he didn’t take back the seeing thing. It is considered bad luck to even glance at the moon on Ganesha Chaturthi, for it is thought to invite the wrath of gods.

Well people this has been an informative sesh, sorry for the long post.

[softlyblues]

Hi! i read your story if we who are left and i thought it was rly good. one thing i wondered was why Moist is always picked as patrician after Veterinari if you knew anything about that?

hi, thank you! it’s a good question, because i think most discworld people had the idea individually and then went online to find that everyone else was on the patrician moist train. i spent all day thinking about this, actually, and i have an answer that’s definitely more complicated than you were looking for. 

i think there are three and a half people that vetinari might realistically consider as his successor, because in order to succeed vetinari you need to see the man behind the myth, and very few people do. sam vimes, rufus drumknott, and moist von lipwig are the three, and william de worde is the half. (every night i cry with the lack of anymore newspaper books.) 

so lets look at those options! sam first. vimes & vetinari have perhaps the most public relationship, and vimes is definitely the person vetinari feels most comfortable showing weakness/vulnerability around. for example, in feet of clay with the Poisoning That Sparked A Thousand Fanfics, and in men at arms with the gonne shooting, vetinari is both physically and mentally vulnerable - to a really incredible extent - for vimes. in both instances, vetinari’s life is in his hands. in the fifth elephant, snuff, jingo, and thud!, although vetinari’s life is not physically in vimes’ hands, he is very explicit in trusting his reputation and the future of ankh-morpork to vimes, much to vimes’ consternation. 

however, vimes would not be an ideal successor. there’s age, of course - night watch shows us vetinari is at most five years older than vimes, as he is a senior assassin student where sam is entering his first job, and so vimes would be retiring at the same time as vetinari. but more important than that there is vimes’ attitude to leadership and power. sybil, when telling sam that he has risen to the top, gets the reply “so does the scum”, and vimes is always deeply and intensely uncomfortable with the privilege he wields over others. he delegates to carrot as often as he can, and always always takes the most dangerous position; look at thud!, or jingo, or. fuck it. look at every single book. vimes is a commander, but he really, really doesn’t want to be one, and he’s very uncomfortable with the inequality in treatment that comes with holding power. 

okay, now drumknott! imo, the title of vetinari’s terrier is wasted on sam; drumknott is the true “loyal dog” figure. in the truth, despite being the subject of the assault and witnessing it with his own eyes, he is the only character to openly deny that vetinari stole/tried to kill him. he is “very shaken” by the idea that this could happen. unseen academicals shows us vetinari is comfortable showing weakness in front of him, with his admission that he is drunk, and we know that drumknott is his sounding-board in many little scenes throughout the series. so far, so good. drumknott is probably a dark clerk, and almost definitely attended the assassins guild, so there’s no lack of intelligence or knowledge of the city. 

but drumknott lacks one thing, which is creativity. unseen academicals shows us this crack, the whole scene with vetinari asking him what he would do if presented with a ball on the street, and his single-minded interest in stationery. he also hero-worships vetinari too much; he can’t succeed as patrician because of his own perceived lack of what makes vetinari special. 

(i want to quickly look at william before i go to moist. if we had a second newspaper book i firmly believe william would be as beloved as moist is, but as it is we don’t. ;-; the key thing between william & vetinari is that william lacks a loving father figure, and in the truth vetinari shows a paternal indulgence towards the newspaper and movable type that he doesn’t show to other innovations like moving pictures/music with rocks in/previous attempts at a printing press. when william uncovers the truth, vetinari is pleased, but not surprised. william has potential, but that’s sadly all he has - vetinari is definitely a father figure for him, though.) 

so moist! moist is a criminal, a rogue, and completely untrustworthy. he is more talented at manipulation than any other character on the disc apart from vetinari and possibly granny, and he can balance plans on a knife-edge better than anyone except vetinari. if he isn’t presented with a constant life-threatening challenge, he grows so bored he starts breaking into his own house. he has contingencies upon just-in-cases upon getaways hidden all over the city, and like vetinari, is very skilled at pretending to be someone else; or at blending into the background. at the time of raising steam moist has at least three full-time jobs, and is looking for more. vetinari several times makes comments about the state of taxes in ankh-morpork and other public services that he thinks moist would manage well over. 

crucially, vetinari does show weakness in front of moist, albeit of a different kind. with vimes and drumknott its physical weakness, but with moist, it’s civic weakness; vetinari hands him the banks, the post office, the trains, the clacks, because he (vetinari) can’t handle them. so while vetinari trusts vimes and drumknott with his person, he trusts moist with something he values a lot more than his body; he trusts him with the inner workings of his city. looking at age, too, moist is described as early-middle-aged in raising steam, definitely a great deal younger than a vetinari who is entering old age. (it’s been brought up to me that he is 26 [provided he doesn’t lie] in going postal, so assuming 10-15 years have passed between postal and raising steam that puts him at a perfect age for the job) in other words, moist is a perfect age to take over as leader of a city-state. 

vetinari trusts moist with his city in a way he doesn’t trust vimes; he trusts moist explicitly, instead of the implicit trust he gives sam. he knows sam will always be there, because sam has built the system of checks and balances that makes up an almost-perfect watch; he knows moist will always be trying to improve, and that moist has that creativity and imagination that a leader needs to be successful. 

sorry this was so long lmao. but in conclusion: lord moist von lipwig for patrician, and i have a big bang fic i should be working on instead of this

[astrohussy]

Mercury’s Retrograde in Scorpio

Yup it’s finally time, the third and final Mercury retrograde of 2020 kicking off at 11 degrees in Scorpio! While we’re familiar with Mercury’s themes of communication, study, thought, and travel/transportation, Scorpio gives an emphasis on dissection, secrecy, you know digging deep into the heart and soul of things. Scorpio’s traditional ruler, Mars, is retrograde in Aries and facing a nasty T-square with the sun and half the outer planets, adding a bit of sinister energy to this retrograde as the sign’s ruler is battling it out with half the planets in the sky.

Right now Mercury is opposing retrograde Uranus in Taurus and will be for much of the retrograde period, “what lives in the dark must come to the light” comes to mind when interpreting this. Mercury’s trine with retrograde Neptune in Pisces will make it easier to expose the grand illusion and clear up some of the fog we’ve been left in, an excellent aspect for journalists and writers to find truth and depth in the stories they want to tell. Mercury’s sextile with the Capricorn conjunct (Jupiter, Saturn, and Pluto) and Venus in Virgo will be telling as we re-evaluate our relationship with the world around us, there will be a lot to take in related to these things but the information will help you make the changes you need. 

Expect to see secrets exposed and to learn more about what goes on beneath the surface of where it is that Mercury is traveling in your chart. Now more than ever it’s important to look beyond the surface, if you’ve been meaning to do a deep dive into the underbelly of how something works now is your chance, if not then expect a ton of over-the-top news and scandals to pop up. 

Transits

Mercury in the 1st house: This retrograde will help you deep dive and re-evaluate yourself. This is a great time to get to the root of your self image and how it affects your relationships with others. While it’s opposing Uranus in the 7th house it will be easier to form new partnerships around a part of your identity you’ve been wanting to express for some time now, but there is a risk of suddenly getting the attention of some haters. My advice; avoid gossipy crowds and be mindful of what you say or share. With Mars (Scorpio’s ruler) in Aries facing an aggressive T-square with the Sun and the Capricorn conjunct, they out for blood. 

Mercury in the 2nd house: There may come a time during this retrograde where you need to re-evaluate your investments and how you’ve been making income. Opposite Uranus in the 8th may be making or breaking your bank account right now, so use this retrograde to adjust your materials and your coin spending accordingly. Be extra careful of impulse buying right now, and if you find yourself running out of space to put your things maybe donate what you don't need. It’s not a good idea to make any big long-term investments right now but it is a good time to perfect your hustle. 

Mercury in the 3rd house: This is my transit and I just had to drop a bunch of money to get my car fixed >.< That being said, this is the transit of broken phone screens, delayed messages, and complications with travel and your vehicle (DO NOT ignore that check engine light). With opposite Uranus in the 9th you may get overwhelmed with education and new information during this transit, and by the end you may start feeling like Eviline, cuz you won’t want nobody to bring you no bad news. Be careful of those nosey neighbors and try not to get into spats with your siblings or cousins if you can afford it. Online arguments will be especially frustrating now.

Mercury in the 4th house: Familial secrets may start coming to the surface, exposing some skeletons behind your public image. Shadow work will be really important during this transit because you’ll likely be forced to confront and break some family curses. For those who worship the ancestors this is the perfect time to divine with them and ask them for guidance. With opposite Uranus in the 10th house, you’re also likely to run into sudden changes in your work life or may have to make a change in how you work to accommodate for the needs of home.

Mercury in the 5th house: If you still find joy in your hobbies and forms of entertainment then this’ll be a fun transit that’ll allow you to sharpen your skills and nerd out with others. However some of you going through this transit are starting to realize that what once bought you joy is starting to become a burdensome. During this time you may be more open to trying new things, perhaps even tapping into spirituality or engaging in dark mysteries and conspiracies. Opposite Uranus in the 11th suggests there being a chance of finding new networks to enjoy your interests with. Be careful with misinformation though, not every rabbit hole leads to a good place. 

Mercury in the 6th house: Pay close attention to your mind and body this retrograde. There’s an emphasis on soothing a pain this time around, especially paired with Uranus in the 12th house of isolation and psyche. Flair ups and random aches may manifest now, but because Mercury is fast moving and quick to change this too shall pass. Self care and adjusting routines is what's important right now.

Mercury in the 7th house: This retrograde is going to force you to re-evaluate your close relationships and commitments. If there’s something that you and another person have been sweeping under the rug then Mercury is going to force you to finally acknowledge the elephant in the room. With opposite Uranus in the 1st house you’re probably going through an intense personal change right now, so Mercury is here to help you adjust to how you now relate to others and purge old commitments that no longer align with who you are. 

Mercury in the 8th house: Scorpio’s Mercury retrograde can actually do a lot of good here since this energy can help you dig deep and tap into resources from others and help you connect with your shadow. Though there is a catch, you may be extra clumsy handling other people’s posessions so it’s important don’t take on more than you know you can handle. With opposite Uranus in the 2nd tighten up your security because this transit can cause a sudden loss of stuff and Mercury in mythology is also lord of thieves.

Mercury in the 9th house: A particularly challenging transit for students, teachers, and clergy folk. This transit may cause you to re-evaluate your method of teaching and/or your academic/philosophical pursuits. For everyone else this transit may push you to change your mind and adjust your values based on new information found from opposing Uranus in the 3rd. The result of this transit can go one or two ways, either you’ll find it easier to enlighten yourself and then pass it on to others or you’ll find yourself fighting about an unpopular stance.

Mercury in the 10th house: If you’ve been feeling miserable in your workplace or feel like you’re exhausted being seen as person most people think you are, this transit is going to help you confront the issue and make a change. Opposite Uranus in the 4th’s influence is making you realize you can’t hide from your past and how much your home and familial ties affects how you interact with the world. A sudden change in family/home dynamics is probably making you to re-evaluate the roles you play and what adjustments are needed to better fulfill them. 

Mercury in the 11th house:  I’m not gonna lie this one looks rough af, but it won’t be all bad! For some, this transit is going to reveal who the snakes around you are and what systems have been holding you back this whole time. For others, you’re about to get a rude awakening about what it is that's hurting your connections with others and what you need to do to make a change and heal them (or cut ties all together. Idk, it’s your transit). In both scenarios, opposite Uranus in the 5th is likely in the process of helping you find new hobbies and experiences that could help bring joy. As you find new ways of channeling your will and vision this allows Mercury to help you discover new friends and communities

Mercury in the 12th house: This retrograde may be a very isolating one for most of you. There’s something deep in your psyche that needs to be acknowledged or a deep psychological change that you’ve gone through recently, but the 12th house is the spot in our charts that’s most difficult to reach since it’s the non-tangible space just below the horizon. Uranus sitting in your 6th house gives me online meet-ups, check-ins, therapists, and doctor visit vibes, but it can also manifest a friend or partner coming into your life to break you out of your rut and help you tap into the repressed part of you that’s hard for you to reach on your own. Utilize them during this time, but be aware that not everyone whose nice to you has your best interest at heart and just because you’re feeling isolated doesn’t mean you should welcome just anyone in. Keep in mind that the 12th house also rules hidden enemies and agendas and sure enough they too will be exposed in due time. 

[kokichi-and-co-imagine-blog]

Because I Finished Binging Persona 4 Golden About A Month Ago And I’m Still Not Over It:

So hi everyone. Yes, I still exist. No, I’ve not become Cryptid 2.0 just yet. (If we’re being perfectly honest I probably should have put that on the last Mod answer I did. Oh well.)

Anyway, this year has been... well you all know. However, there was at least one golden ray of hope amidst the sea of despair. 

As the title suggest, I’m of course referring to Persona 4 Golden’s port to Steam.

I LOVED this game. Absolutely adored it. And it clearly wasn’t just me; the response this port got has seemed to catch Sega’s attention. We can only hope, but I think this may mean more ports in the future. About time.

Now, obviously after playing this game I got to thinking a bit. Specifically, what if the Persona users ended up in Hope’s Peak? What would their ultimate titles be? How would they interact with other members of the DR cast (not including DRV3. Still haven’t played it, know all about the plot but not enough about the characters to figure out interactions here)? So, I’m going to go over that right here, in the first of a... okay a many many part post.

Yeah, I know, kinda a let down that I can’t have it all at once but as I was writing it up I realized that this was going to end up being huge. I couldn’t do it all in one post. I thought that maybe I could then divide it by game and have three posts, but as I finished doing just two members of SEES I realized that wouldn’t work either. There’s just too much to write about. So, due to this, I’ll be doing a single post per character and when it comes to relationships with canon characetrs I’m going to try and limit the amounts of characters to just 3 to 5, depending on how much there is to say.

Anyway, without further ado,

Presenting: SEES, the Investigation Team and the Phantom Thieves as SHSLs/Ultimates!

(The title isn’t exactly amazing I know.)

Group 1: SEES

Part 1: The Protagonist(s)

Makoto Yuki/Minato Arisato/Hamuko Yuki/Minako Arisato: 

SHSL Luck/Ultimate Lucky Student: I figure this makes sense for all the Wildcards. In Makoto’s/Hamuko’s case specifically, we got the fact that they survived the car crash that killed their parents, we got the fact that they were ‘lucky’ enough to end up in the Velvet Room and be a Wildcard and ‘lucky’ enough (or unlucky) to be caught up in the Dark Hour insanity. Plus the ‘luck’ of being able to find meaning to life again with SEES. 

Alternative SHSL/Ultimate: -While I was hoping to do this for all the Wildcards, we happen to run into a major issue from the start. Simply put, it is VERY difficult to think up an alternative talent for these two due to how their Social Links and personality choices are. None of the clubs they join can really be argued is ‘their’ amazing talent and unlike Yu they aren’t exactly the most... sociable/friendly of the Wildcards. At least Makoto isn’t given his portrayal in spin-offs and other media that give him his own voice and just general dialogue options (I’m pretty sure there are more harsh ones for him than there are for Yu). I can only assume similar for Hamuko. And as much as I kinda want to, SHSL/Ultimate Savior only works if they aren’t actually around and are busy being a door. Plus the people who decide on that wouldn’t know that they’re busy being a door. So yeah, gonna have to leave this one empty sadly.

Unlike Makoto’s hilarious stream of Lucky/Unlucky incidents and Nagito’s own INSANE cases, Makoto and Hamuko are rather... ‘normal’ for Lucky Students. In fact, one would think they’d be reserve course students. The truth is very few people besides themselves even realize the full ‘depth’  to their luckiness. If anyone else even. I have no doubt the Steering Committee is quite annoyed about this and questions if the raffle messed up somehow this year. In addition, this means that there is a LOT of enmity from all sides towards these two. The Reserve Course despises them because these two are basically just them just having been lucky enough to win the raffle AND NOTHING ELSE. On the other side, there are plenty in the Talent Course who look down on them even more than a typical lucky student. And it doesn’t help that at least in Makoto’s case he would likely not bother going to far out of his way to try and bridge any gaps with these people.

Major relationships within the DR cast: From the get-go we know that as Wildcards these two are potentially limitless in ideas for interaction with characters and forming relationships. Bearing that in mind, I think there are a few very specific characters they’d have some connection to: -Hajime Hinata: As stated above, the ‘luck’ that Makoto and Hamuko have is very different from the typical lucky student’s and they don’t even seem to fit the ‘ultimate’ moniker. As such, I could seem them gravitating towards Hajime due to simply feeling like they really don’t belong here, even more than Makoto (Naegi) and unlike a lot of the reserve course, Hajime just doesn’t seem like the type of guy to really fault them for winning the raffle. Bonus in Makoto’s (Yuki) case as he just drips sarcasm and bit of apathy and I imagine he’d get along well with Hajime’s own personality.  -Sonia Nevermind and Gundham Tanaka: Assuming a full crossover with personas, the full collective unconscious and such, both Sonia and Gundham would have a very similar fascination with these two. Sonia’s interest in the occult would make her very interested in any Wildcard and the tarots that they inevitably would have her draw if she tried (like Igor). While that may be slightly interesting to Gundham though there is a far more pressing matter for him. Because if he does have some supernatural connection there is no doubt in my mind he’d somehow catch on to these two harboring death and be very interested in it. -Junko Enoshima: Junko is... difficult to figure out here. On the plain surface (or in a crossover without the supernatural bits of Persona) there’s no reason Junko should have any special interest in these two over anyone else without having very special knowledge that not even freaking Itkutski seemed to have. On the other hand, should Junko find out about their wildcard and how it works she would be keeping a VERY close eye on them, realizing that she cannot leave them be since their S.Links would be far too dangerous against despair. And then there’s the giant elephant in the room. Should Junko discover that the two are harboring the literal manifestation of humanity’s desire for death there is no way in hell Junko would ever ignore that. And considering the BS Junko is able to pull, I could conceive it possible that she would somehow find out. As such, I would put it like this. If Junko never finds out about their ‘gifts’ she wouldn’t care. If she found out about the Wildcard somehow and what it meant (I don’t know, Nyarlothep decides to be a bit more involved in his bet with Philemon and pushes Junko in the right direction) she’d be very on top of them, perhaps even actively sabotaging their abilities to form S.Link or trying to break them, thereby inflicting a decent bit of psychological damage to them and thinking that could drive them to despair (which I don’t think it could since Makoto at least would be far too apathetic to really be in despair but that’s a bit up to interpretation how such things would affect a wildcard). Should she find out about Death, then all hell breaks loose as she would try and probably team up with someone like Ikutski to make The Fall occur for the ultimate final despair. Because not even the Tragedy was the absolute end of the world. The Fall though? That’s game over. -Nagito Komaeda: Nagito is yet another difficult option. If he knew what was really going on with them he would probably worship the ground the step on, even moreso than most ‘Ultimates’. However, he doesn’t have a reason to (though with his BS luck who knows, he may accidentally stumble onto all the secrets). Without knowing, we get into a problem. Nagito already looks down on himself as not being a ��real’ ultimate. So, how does he look at other lucky students? I need to sit down and watch DR3 and see if there are any major interactions between him and Makoto before Makoto becomes the Ultimate Hope and see how he treats him. Even if he does treat him well though, Makoto at least has very obvious cases of good/bad luck even if it isn’t on the level of Nagito’s. These two though? It would be near non-existent. And that maybe enough to cause Nagito to despise them, perhaps even more than his disgust towards the Reserve Course. These two won the raffle and yet show as much ‘talent’ as a reserve course student? I could see him looking at it as a bigger mockery than the reserve course itself. As such, there would for sure be something there with Nagito but I can’t be certain if it would be a decent relationship with another lucky student or an animosity that’s the worst we’d ever seen from him. 

[justjessame]

The Deal Chapter Four

GREENE FARM~THAT EVENING

The good news? No one was dead, yet. The better news, for my dad at least? That I was the same blood type as both him and Carl. The bad news? My little brother had been shot. A hunting accident if you can believe it. The poor hunter, a man named Otis, looked as though he wished it were him. And if you listened to Lori, she did.

I winced as the ‘nurse’ stabbed the needle into my vein. Shit, that burned. “It’ll take a few minutes, hon.” She offered, as the blood began flowing out of me. She was Otis’ wife, and I felt for both of them. No one wanted to hurt a child, not even by accident, especially now.

I nodded. “Thank you.” I said, sitting still as the blood came out of me at a steady flow. She looked surprised at my gratitude. “You’re trying to save my brother,” I offered a weak smile. “So thank you.” Hershel had walked to the outer room to speak with my parents. Dad looked like death, they’d taken so much of his blood already, so I was happy to give him a break. Carl was laying on the bed, so still and quiet, so unlike my little brother. I took his hand in mine, the one not connected to the needle. I felt his hand clutch at mine and I knew he felt me. “Carl, you’ve got to fight, but not the doctor.” I knew he had, I heard about it. “He needs to save you, do you hear me? I won’t let you go, baby brother.” I felt the tears fall from my eyes and heard the discussion of when the rest of our group would arrive, but it was like a static filled channel.

“I think you’ve given your limit,” the older farmer and doctor said, tugging the needle from my arm. I’d fallen asleep with my head on Carl’s sick bed, his hand still clutched in mine. “I think your daddy wants to speak to you, young lady.” His smile was kind and so were his eyes.

I nodded, and stood up, feeling dizzy almost immediately. “Thank you.” I offered weakly, as I felt someone’s arms help me out of the room. I looked up and groaned. Shane, of course. “That thank you was to the good doctor, not you.” I spat, letting him take me to Dad and Lori.

They had been given a room of their own, and Shane knew me well enough to not start something I didn’t want to hear. Especially since I now looked the same as Dad had when we’d arrived. In my parents’ room, there was a sandwich and glass of milk waiting for me. Dad moved forward to hug me to him. And then Lori’s arms joined his. I felt like a baby, like a toddler when I was scared of the sound of the storms outside and they’d had to comfort me.

“He’ll be alright, Jessi.” Dad whispered in my hair. “He will.” I was shaking, even I could feel how badly.

“And you’re helping so much, Jess.” Lori added, gripping me tighter. “The fact that you and Rick have the same blood type, that’s so helpful, honey.”

They pulled me to a chair and sat me down. Handing me the sandwich on a plate and the glass of milk they waited until some of my color returned. Once I felt a little steadier, I realized that Shane was still in the room. I sat down my dinner and asked about the elephant in the room.

“What’s going on?” I asked, seeing them share a look. “What’s wrong?”

Lori sighed and Dad looked like he’d rather be on the moon. “Carl is gonna need to be sedated, Jessi.” Dad said, looking like he was breaking apart slowly. “Hershel isn’t sure he’ll be still enough without it.”

I nodded showing that I understood. “He doesn’t have all the supplies he needs here. Someone has to go fetch them, if they’re even available anymore.” Lori said, managing only just to hold back tears.

Another nod from me. “Shane and Otis are gonna head out and try to get what Hershel tells them to, but we have to tell you that there’s a chance-”

I stopped that shit right there. “No.” I said, shaking my head. “There’s not a chance, Dad. It will work. Otis and Shane are going to find what he needs and Hershel will fix him.” I was glaring at my parents, daring them to contradict me. “You came back from the DEAD, Daddy. I won’t even pretend like Carl won’t do the same.” The thought that my baby brother wouldn’t make it? That couldn’t even be considered. It would be like losing Daryl. Or Dad. Or Lori even. Not imaginable.

Shane was nodding and I wanted to throw my sandwich and glass at him. Fuck you and just get it done, I thought. I knew why he was doing it. He wanted Lori’s gratitude and her hero worship back. Screw that, I didn’t care. He better take Otis and find whatever medical stuff that Hershel required to fix my baby brother, or else.

HOURS LATER~SHANE’S RETURN WITHOUT OTIS

While Shane and Otis were gone, Dad and Lori took my place at Carl’s bedside. They insisted that I get rest. Since I was blood bag B, and Dad was blood bag A I agreed. Sleep came, mostly because donating as much blood as physically possible without death was a great sleep aid. Good to know. I woke up to the sounds of Shane’s return. He was alone and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Otis wasn’t just dead, he was sacrificed.

Shane wouldn’t want to share the glow of triumph, nah that wasn’t his style. When he went to the bathroom to shower, I went to find my dad. He told me quietly what happened, then told me to be on standby, since our services might still be needed. He also warned me that no one had told Patricia, the nurse and Otis’ wife, since she was definitely needed.

When the surgery was over, my parents and I stepped into the room. My God, had Carl always been so small? His personality was always so big and full of energy that seeing him lying on the bed after his operation made my heart hurt. Dad took the chair I’d sat on earlier, and Lori pulled on to the foot of the bed. I stood between the two of them, while Dad tried to eat a sandwich. He told us stories about Shane and him as children, and I fought to stay composed. Luckily they were both so focused on Carl that I didn’t have to shield my facial expressions as much as normal.

Shane walked in a bit later, sporting a dead man’s clothes and new buzzcut. I eyed him suspiciously and felt vindicated by his careful avoidance of my gaze. Must suck, I thought, knowing that at least one person in the group could see straight through your bullshit. We maintained a family vigil, until Hershel insisted that Lori and Dad get some rest. I think he knew I was a lost cause and he shooed Shane out as well. I took Dad’s seat after he and Lori kissed me goodnight. Taking my baby brother’s hand in mine again, I sat at his side until he woke up.

“Jessi?” I heard his hoarse voice and saw the sunlight streaming through the lace curtains. I looked up from where my head had fallen in sleep on his bed, again. He was awake. Thank God.

“Hey, little brother.” I whispered, happy that I could see him awake. “Don’t move, kid.” He’d started to twist. “You were shot, Carl. So take a rest, would you?” He chuckled and held a hand to his bandage. “Do you hurt? Should I go get Hershel?”

“Who?” He asked, inquisitive little brother back again. “Is Dad here? Mom?”

I smiled, and ran my free hand through his damp hair. “Hershel is the doctor who saved you. Actually he’s a veterinarian.” I stopped and pretended to think about that. “I did always say you were a monkey, guess that’s proof.” He giggled and I went on to assure him. “Dad and your mom are here, soon everyone will be.” I smiled down at him as I stood. Dropping a kiss on his forehead, I offered to fetch Dad and Lori. His hand gripped mine for a moment, holding me still.

“Did they find Sofia?” He asked, so worried, and I knew he was because we’d all heard him calling her name.

I nodded, and turned away so he couldn’t see the guilt of the lie I was telling. “I”ll go get Dad and Lori, OK?” He released me and I rushed from the room.

I warned Dad and Lori of the lie I told. And I watched from the doorway as they went inside and saw for themselves that he was ok. Leaning on the frame, I watched my family interact, smiling at their ease of return to normal. Lori left to use give us some time alone and to check to see if the others had come yet. I laughed when my little brother said he and Dad were the same now that they’d both been shot.

“Yeah, I think your mother would rather hear we got the same eyes. So let’s keep that between us. Since you’re in the club now, you get to wear the hat. Didn’t you know? We’ll pad the rim tomorrow so it sits better.” They looked over to where I was still standing.

“Oh, I’m good.” I said, hands up. “I share your blood type, got the same color hair. That’s more than enough for me. I have enough holes without adding to the tally.” I came over to sit on the bed while they worked out Dad’s hat schedule.

“I love you two,” Dad said, holding Carl’s hand and reaching for mine. I gave it over willingly. “Y’all, and your mom,” he nodded at Carl, “are my world.”

“I love the two of you and Lori, too, Dad.” I answered, squeezing his hand. “Just do me a favor, you two?” They both looked at me. “No more gunshot wounds, please?” They rolled their eyes and chuckled. Standing I let them know I was going to check to see if everyone made their way to the farm. Dad stopped me before I could leave the room.

“Jessica, you don’t have to share a tent now.” The tone was clear, Dixon wasn’t needed for my comfort now.

“I know I don’t have to, Dad.” I said, turning to face him. “Maybe I just want to.” And on that note, I was gone. I loved the man, but I was an adult. And he’d have to come to terms with Daryl, sooner or later.

Later that day, Patricia requested that we put Otis’ memory to rest. Since we didn’t have a body, that seemed fair. I watched Shane’s obvious discomfort at being asked to relive Otis’ final moments, and make up what was clearly not the poor man’s last words. Oh, to pry open your rotten brain, I thought, and see for myself just what you did to that poor man. We all stacked rocks on a nice memorial pile, and then we began that difficult task of deciding whether or not to restart the search for Sofia.

Dad thinks we should, if only to put our minds to rest, a decision that Shane clearly disagrees with, since I see him trying to talk Dad out of it. I rolled my eyes as Maggie, the woman on the horse who found Lori and me and told the others how to find the farm, brought out a map to help the search. Daryl tried to talk me out of it, seeing how pale I still am, but I refused to listen. Sitting here and keeping Lori and Carl company doesn’t seem like much help.

Daryl was a little surprised when Dad sent the two of us off onto our own grid while he and Shane went to theirs. Walking through the forest, hearing Andrea bitching in her own grid, I asked Daryl the likelihood of Sofia surviving alone for this long in a walker-filled forest and swamp. He smirks at me and I hold out my hand to him. Taking it, we walk hand in hand, eyes on the ground for signs of her passing through. “People get lost, they survive.” He raises my hand to his lips and kisses it. “Happens all the time.”

“She’s twelve.” I hear Andrea offer, from the left of us. Great, an audience.

“Hell, I was younger than her and I got lost. Nine days in the woods, eating berries, and wiping my ass on poison oak.” He laughed, letting our hands fall from view, but keeping mine linked with his.

Andrea came closer, and I was about to snark at her about the grid, but felt the urge fall away. “They found you?” She was curious clearly.

The gruff chuckle that Daryl gave made my stomach flip. “My dad was off on a bender with some waitress. Merle was doin’ another stint in juvie. Didn’t even know I was gone. I made my way back though. Went straight into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich. No worse for the wear. Except my ass itched somethin’ awful.”

Andrea laughed and I raised an eyebrow. Better than bitching, I thought. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, that is a terrible story.”

Daryl gave his own laugh and I joined in, it was pretty horrible. “Only difference is that Sofia has people lookin’ for her. I call that an advantage.”

I smiled up at him and squeezed his hand. Andrea drifted back to her grid, and I hoped that she hadn’t missed anything by coming over to ours. “She may have missed some signs,” I said quietly and he nodded.

“Yeah, but she stopped her complainin’.” He winked at me and I smiled.

THE NEXT DAY~GREENE FARM

Everyone is pissed because Hershel demanded that our group give over the weapons. I’m not sure why people don’t understand that it’s his land, his farm. He has the right to set the rules. I roll my eyes as Shane leads the vote of bitching and moaning about this newest issue. I see Daryl about to walk away, but rush up to join him.

“Want to come with me?” He asks, looking down at me from behind bangs that are starting to get unruly. I nod and he motions for me to come along.

Once we clear the treeline, I turn to him for a kiss. Searching for Sofia is important, I get that and so does he, but the lack of privacy in this damn place is killing me. He chuckles against my lips. I pull back and we continue along, looking for a new place to search.

The only thing we find is an abandoned house that looks like she might have been inside. Outside, Daryl is drawn to some pretty white flowers growing wild near the house. I stand beside him as he tells me the legend of the Cherokee Rose.

“It's a Cherokee Rose. The story is that when American soldiers were moving Indians off their land on the Trail of Tears, the Cherokee mothers were grieving and crying so much 'cause they were losing their little ones along the way from exposure and disease and starvation. A lot of them just disappeared. So the elders, they said a prayer; asked for a sign to uplift the mothers' spirits, give them strength and hope. The next day this rose started to grow where the mothers' tears fell.” His voice is low and gruff, and I listen in silence. Placing my hands on his shoulders, and rubbing away the tension growing in his muscles. “That’s the story anyhow.”

“It’s beautiful,” I whisper, leaning down and kissing his neck. “You should take her one.” He cuts one off from the group and I look around for a suitable vase. Picking up a discarded bottle I hand it to him. “Tell Carol the story, Daryl. Give her some hope.”

He stood up and cupped my cheek in his free hand. “You’re sweeter than the rest think, Jessi.” Leaning forward his lips brush mine. “And that full moon night is comin’, soon I hope.” His smile lights up my day brighter than the sun shines.

“Let’s head back, Romeo.” I wink at him and our arms link together. How did I end up so damn lucky at the end of civilization?

[d8dreaming]

“Love Your Body”

It’s what we’re told, especially as women, to do now. I fully accept this mantra and fully intend to enact it in real life... one day.  Bodies are never that simple, though. They hold our rumbling tummies, our nervous hearts, our restless toes. They are a canvas of our scars, freckles, and bruises that carry the physical memories of times come and gone. And they’re always... there.  My body and I have a “complicated” relationship. I’ve been a type 1 diabetic since I was about a year and a half old- meaning my pancreas was attacked by way too helicopter-y of cells from its own immune system, thanks! Calm the fuck down, Karens. To top it off, I was with my twin when this happened- we both got the flu- and she recovered, pancreas fully working and unscathed. How rude!  I’ve always been a little boggled by the fact that my body would not be able to survive without the medicine in my machine- yes that luxurious manmade insulin! It’s also crazy to think that 100 years ago, I would not have lived more than 4 or 5 years after my diagnosis (and would probably be staaarrrving). I won’t bore you with the full history, but insulin wasn’t discovered until 1921 and a bunch of doggies were frankenstein-ed (and likely killed) for this. Woof- no wonder I’m a dog lover.  Most days, I almost forget I have diabetes- in fact, I think I kind of do. I was so young when I got it, that it really is second-nature. My machine (pump) has its home in all of my jean pockets. The cord may occasionally snag on a door or my backpack strap, but it’s no biggie. I’m not at all bothered when people ask me about it.  Then there are the moments that bother me- like when my needle hurts my butt while I’m running. Or when I actually look at my butt (just the cheeks!) in the mirror and see all of the battle scars; the regular pokes, the infected areas, my right cheek’s role as the “sensor spot” and my left cheek’s role as the “pump spot.” It’s been 20 years now that I’ve been putting needles in my booty, and it will probably be at least 20 more. It is daunting to see my elephant skin, especially now that having a firm, smooth ass is such a treasure in our culture. Count me out cause that ain’t ever happening.  That moment in particular- the ass scars one- catches me. I sometimes get self-conscious and think about all the men I’ve ever slept with: “Is that why he didn’t text me back?” “Should I keep the lights off?” “Is doggy-style a no go?” “Are my needles scary/weird/gross?” But then I remember, this butt is literally my life. It is a crucial part of me getting my life-saving medicine. Because of my scarred butt, I can live a mostly normal human existence with (hopefully non butt judgmental and consensual) sex, exercise, work, fooooooood, etc. I would not be where I am without my butt, scars and all.  I guess the point of this post is to help me remember that loving my body isn’t always easy, and that’s ok. Our bodies hold our stories, our trauma, our insecurities to name a few. But it is so much more pleasant to show up in this world believing our bodies are a thing to be loved- or in my case, my booty is a thing to be WORSHIPPED. Bow down.  Lol, peace! 

[goldtips]

okay so ya girl is back at it again. this was originally going to be a reply to someone but well. it got out of hand. i shat all over babylon the anime a while ago and honestly kind of feel bad. there are definitely things that the show does that makes it stand out, esp as a seasonal anime bc you dont expect dir. to spend much time on them!!!! like if we’re comparing this to shows like fanservice anime or any .. mediocre seasonal isekai then ofc this show is better lmfao. the only reason i shit on it is because i expected this anime to be Better ;;;;;;;

mind, i’m not rescinding my statement - as far as i’m concerned, babylon is still a hella frustrating anime because it tries to showcase humans as nihilistic, utilitarian robots that don’t seem to consider the topic of suicide emotionally even though thats supposedly humanity’s defining trait ??? and it deals with the topic of suicide with the care of elephants gallivanting in the fucking savanna :))) the whole show has also been pretty lacklustre in terms of characterization, trying way too hard to be intellectual and feed edgy plot points instead of giving any development - the plot feels reactionary overall and placid rather than exciting. also, the fact that the anime started as a mystery / politico-legal sort of show just makes the transition from that to abstract theory even more forced...........

HOWEVER im promised im going to stop shitting on babylon so lets talk about what the anime does right shall we. more specifically,,, the biblical imagery!!! is great !!!! : D

the show is called babylon. in the old testament (ot), babylon is humanized as a “brutal, callous and proud” woman who “believed that she would reign over the earth forever.” in the new testatment the phrase “she who is at babylon” refers to the new world culture currently at war with the covenant community. in such that rome, as a mistress or whore of the new world, is seeking to seduce and subvert people of god, enticing men to fall “drunk with the wine of her fornication.”

yes,,,, a whore who uses sex to entice innocent men into complying with new culture? who believes herself to be akin to god and also in this context, above the law and morality - im gonna say its not too far a stretch to say that magase was intended to symbolise the whore of babylon.

however, that’s not all - links can be made between the enactment of the suicide laws and the seduction of new culture. who exactly is leading the front? kaika itsuki ( 齋 開化 ), who’s name literally means culture. that aint a coincidence. also, that weirdly-placed reference to roman law / norms during the suicide debate as a way to convince the masses to revert / adopt roman ideology??? also not a coincidence. :))))

in addition, there are two other major biblical events related to babylon:

the book of revelations; and

the tower of babel.

its safe to say that both narratives are being pushed atm.

revelations:

in revelation 17, the spirit of babylon decends upon earth through the whore. she arrives on the back of a beast with 7 heads, “arrayed in purple and scarlet”, “drunk with the blood of the saints, the blood of the martyrs of Jesus.” “seven heads are seven mountains, on which the woman sitteth.” the revelations also prophesizes that she will be defeated by a beast, but it is unclear as to which. there are two beasts in book of revelations. the first beast comes "out of the sea" given authority and power by the dragon/serpent. the second beast comes "out of the earth" directing people to worship the first beast, a "false prophet".

in a similar vein, nomaru had secretly vouched for itsuki’s, providing itsuki with the necessary resources for him to rise up in ranks and become the new mayor. the kanji for ryuichiro nomaru ( 野丸 龍一郎 ) contains both the kanji 野 and 龙 which respectively mean field (i.e. earth) and dragon. they are key references to the beasts of revelation

plus according to nomaru, it was also purely because of magase that the political struggle turned out the way that it did, meaning that she is ultimately the one controlling the entire operation. this mirrors the way she is sitting on the heads of the beast (i.e. the proverbial brains of the campaign that itsuki is heading) 

we also see that when magase uses her powers her eyes and hair glow in a sort of purple/burgundy color to support the imagery as well! 

the book of revelations is the final chapter of nt. it is merely an allegory of struggle between good and evil and doesnt refer to actual people or events. kinda like the show huh. nyyy way, we see that the protag john the apostle writes down what is revealed to him through visions to send it to the 7 churches :))

kinda like how zen keeps on seeing magase through visions and has to document !! his findings and report back to admin? ik this isnt exact but there’s a bit where he has to write down her confession and it really struck me as weird until this bit popped up, maybe that was included to as a way of tying in :))

tower:

according to the myth, there were plans to build a city and tower high enough to reach heaven - god who observes this confounds their speech so that they can no longer understand each other. why? because “now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.”

while not entirely similar, we see recurring themes in babylon that deal with miscommunication and new ideology. the conflict mirrors the myth in that unity of language (or ideology in this case) and its subsequent discordance once differentiated. 

the interrogation scene in ep 4 deals with reconciling differences. magase asks whether those with different values should be accepted, despite them being contrary to norm. all this time, society has been developing an ideal set of norms - the entire country shares the same values and priorities with no deviation. growth has stagnated. in similar fashion to how god commands for many languages to be created, magase sows the seeds of doubt towards long-standing assumptions and moral values in order to create discordance and push japan into a state of new development

in the new campaign, itsuki proposes to apportion shiniki city from japan and instill new values. this confounds the population and sends them into disarray - the tower that they have created is crumbling, in similar likeness to the parable of babel.

SO TL;DR this show has a really cool starting concept i cant lie?????  i for one am not shitting on its supernatural elements (even though the flow was a little inorganic) in hindsight there’s no point in expecting a show called babylon not to delve into supernatural/biblical elements lol :)))

as a right hoe for imagery and philosophy/ethics, this gave me high hopes but the execution of everything else was way below average. why bring in a discussion about suicide that’s poorly researched + try to be edgy abt it and have the citizens to have support it so easily???? ruins the immersion so much

if the anime really wanted to focus on philosophy there should be some mention of ethical theory to justify his point. like, being aimlessly philosophical only ends up being flowery and pseudo-bullshit lmao. one of hte reasons why i was so frustrated with magase and zen’s discussion in the interrogation room. like woman what was your fucking point. its only wasting screentime if you don’t get anything from the conversation. the philosophy was so fucking unnecessary - babylon could have been executed as an in-depth political/psychological anime instead. WITHOUT THE SUICIDE.

this and the lack of good characters really bummed me out. i think that the show was expecting me to connect to some of the characters before they were fucking killed off but i didn’t end up giving a single shit about any of them so. :) the whole show feels more about the shock factor and gore than about interesting plot.

concept 10/10, execution 1/10