#me suddenly like. WAIT PROXY ONE where are you in all this

[sealer-of-wenkamui]

7 once again highlights the idea of ignorance is bliss, and once you know the truth, there’s no going back…

First a few things I’m recognizing on another rewatch- Re-l heals abnormally fast, is this because she’s an imperfect Monad clone? Proxies are very hard to kill thanks to the Amrita cells, so even an imperfect clone may at least have accelerated healing. Also this fact may serve as a small hint that she’s not actually dead at the end of the episode

And the other thing, when Raul is told that the proxy has left Romdo, it’s less about Monad being dead and more that Vince is gone, the second proxy (though they don’t know it’s Vince specifically)

Even Re-l now realizes the truth to Daedalus’ words, that the truth wouldn’t necessarily make her happy… and now she’s even poking around the research facility he works at and ends up realizing how deeply he’s involved. But it’s too late to go back.

I love the scene in the WombSys room, it feels like Daedalus is trying to make a last ditch effort to keep Re-l with him, stressing the importance of this controlled system maintaining life in the dome. But she just ends up questioning if that’s really true since she’s seen life outside now, and he doesn’t even have a good response, only regrets about letting her see outside in the first place (which sure enough it was him, and outside the authority of the security bureau, and nearly losing her does seem to be the first push towards losing himself in his obsession…)

Love the way he’s absolutely speaking from personal experience when he agrees to Re-l saying “once you know the truth, there’s no escaping it.”… he knows so much and is probably more miserable for it, like by the end he’s very resigned to his fate as long as he has his Real and believes we can’t do anything a fight against “gods”

She brings up their promise, so him investigating Monad’s corpse and telling her about it, but i feel like there’s an unspoken layer to it as well- that she will be pursuing the truth and he’s willing to help her (which he must have been the one to help her leave the dome after her “death” and we see he gave her two of his FP rounds, which take a huge amount of energy to produce and can kill a proxy. It’s something that would take preparation so he knew it was likely coming to this…The proxy has left so they’re only gonna be needed outside)

He is trying to make efforts to keep her there, but he too knows it’s unlikely she will, but since he desires her love and for her to rely on him and be able to trust him, he won’t force her to stay or do anything to shake that trust… so he can at least have an agreement for her to go out then come back. Like later on he seems to really enjoy their discussions on the proxies and being the one person she can talk openly to.

I think at this point he recognizes he really might lose her though and has started making preparations for Real. (He does fiddle with something while in the WombSys room, I wonder if she’s already starting to be made or if it’s after episode 10…?) When Re-l “dies” at the end, we also see a shadow of an A where the dash is, and sure enough, “Re-l” is dead to him by the time she comes back, replaced by Real (or so he’s trying to convince himself) And when he’s talking about the potential of Amrita cells later in the lab, it kinda sounds like he’s aiming for cloning a proxy…?

On Raul’s side, he’s set on pursuing the proxy (or really, Vince) outside of the Dome, and the invasion of Mosk is first brought up… (still seems unaware of Monad, but he doesn’t really care about her lol) and he’s openly speaking of the Regent’s declining health and a new age in Romdo

Come to think of it, did Proxy One also leave with Vince…? He’s briefly seen at the beginning, but he’s definitely in Mosk before Vince arrives

So Daedalus really didn’t know why Monad was kept asleep but he was absolutely lying earlier about not knowing her purpose, cause he’s able to explain to Re-l how the proxy supports the dome, and is essentially a god to it. (Also we get some time frame, Mosk had already been invaded and Monad brought there by the time he was assigned to her, which makes sense knowing his purpose is for her and Re-l)

I do find it interesting that Daedalus also says he’s like her in that he desires to know things (it’s not making him happy, but he still pursues knowledge), which yeah, we can see the way he evades surveillance and does a bunch of stuff on his own (like with Monad’s corpse). Also the conversation here where he questions how she knew the word proxy still has me thinking he intentionally left his desk, he knew her nature well and that she would not be able to resist.

After the last episode it’s no wonder Daedalus mistakenly believes Raul is behind the attempt on Re-l’s life, not only was he saying those that leave the dome should be punished, he’s also pursuing the proxy, and likely pissed off at Daedalus… and he’s a very emotional man… he seems especially shocked at weaponized cogito with how little is know about it… but it’s later confirmed it was her grandfather, which Daedalus did have her meet with him before fulfilling his end of the promise (claiming it was so he could save face) but… she ended up questioning why he was hiding the outside world and probably then considered a threat

I love that we canonically know what his signature looks like! Its very funny that they keep you hanging on her fate until episode 10 too lol

This is the Daedalus and Raul write up so I don’t have as much to say about episode 8 but this time around I got why Vince couldn’t help but fight and kill Senex, the pulse of awakening signals the end of the proxy project, and proxies aren’t going to be needed in this ���new world” when the original humans come back… I do wonder why Mayahuel could sense the pulse, was she some sort of incomplete proxy clone too…?

[thriftedtchotchkes]

give in

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: joel shows you how to love yourself the way you deserve

warnings: 18+ MDNI, jackson era, soft!joel, age gap, comfort, smut, size kink, guided masturbation, mutual masturbation, fingering, exploring sexual trauma, mentions of guilt & shame, intrusive thoughts

word count: 2.8k

“Doin’ real good, baby. That’s it, nice and slow. No need to rush it.”

Joel needs you to believe it. 

He can feel your discomfort and sense the intrusive thoughts threatening to overtake you, but he needs you to know that everything you're doing right now is okay. 

It’s normal and natural, and under his roof, highly encouraged. All he's ever wanted is for you to feel good. For you to allow yourself the grace and gratification of coming undone at your own perfect hand.

But you live by an unspoken rule, one that doesn't apply to anyone else. There's nothing you love more than watching Joel touch himself, whether it's quick and dirty or drawn-out and meticulous, his body teetering on the edge of all-consuming release for hours. Yet, when it comes to your personal pleasure, there’s only shame.

He's beginning to realize that your aversion goes beyond a lack of education. You were young when the outbreak hit, and while FEDRA schools aren’t exactly known for their top-tier sex ed classes, that isn't what's holding you back.

There's something else there too, buried beneath the surface. A lifetime's worth of guilt and doubt that he alone gets the privilege of unraveling. So whenever you come to him for help, he leads you to his bed and gently coaxes you to self-completion.

He takes it slow and keeps his hands to himself unless you tell him otherwise—and you always tell him otherwise. But those are your boundaries to set. New rules to replace the old ones. 

Pressed firmly into your side, he whispers soft reassurances in your ear, his lips brushing the wispy baby hairs framing your forehead with every word. He swallows every gasp and moan, and cherishes the sharp sting of your nails biting into his skin as you reach your peak.

And when you come down from the clouds and turn to him with hazy eyes and a blissful smile, he knows it's all worth it. Even if it takes years more, he’ll continue to talk you through it, banishing the cruel thoughts that plague you and replacing them with the promise of relief.

Just like he is right now.

--

"Tell me what you're feelin'. I wanna know what's goin' on in that pretty head of yours."

You shake your head, exhaling a long, frustrated breath. Your body never responds to you the way it does to Joel, and on the rare occasion it does, it just isn't the same. It takes too long and there's none of the gradual build-up that allows you to lose yourself in it. Not in the pleasure of it anyway.

"S'a little...dry," you mumble, slowing to a stop. It'll start to burn if you keep going like this, but you're not sure what else you can do. Joel presses a gentle kiss to the shell of your ear before pulling back.

"Lemme see your hand, sugar," he says, gesturing for yours with his own. Confused, you remove your fingers from between your legs to hold up in front of his face. 

You're waiting for him to inspect them or come up with a valid reason why they're not working when he abruptly sucks them into his mouth. His tongue feels hot, searingly so, as he laves over the pads of your middle and ring fingers, then dips between them to caress your knuckles down to where they meet. 

A wave of heat almost identical to the one enveloping your hand begins to pool at the base of your spine, and you feel a sudden, heady whoosh at the apex of your thighs. If he could just keep doing that, exactly that, but further down your body—

But to your disappointment, he stops as suddenly as he started and slides your fingers from his mouth with a lewd pop before guiding them back to your core.

"How 'bout now?" he asks earnestly, and Christ. He's so good at that. He always knows how to work your body, even by proxy. 

You're wet. You don't even need the added moisture of Joel's saliva anymore. Just the action itself has you breathing heavier, eliciting a craving you never knew you had. Your fingers slip clumsily through the slick leaking out of you, and your eyelids flutter at the fleeting sensation of your fingertips catching your entrance. 

"B-better...feels better," you stumble over your words. Your fingers continue to explore your folds without your permission, stoking the fire in your belly. And also your doubt. "But I'm—J-Joel it's..."

That telltale embarrassment is starting to creep in again, reminding you that you're doing something wrong. It feels too good and you really don't want to stop, but what does that say about you? Sinner, slut. The intrusive thoughts are louder than Joel's gentle panting in your ear now.

As if he can hear them, he snakes a hand past your stomach to grip the soft plush of your thigh. He spreads you open, exposing your cunt to the open air as he massages soothing shapes into your skin, silencing the ugly words with his kind touch.

"S'alright, sugar, you can keep goin'. You liked that, right? That's good. You're treatin' your body the way she deserves," he says encouragingly. His hand inches closer to where you're dribbling onto the sheets, but stops the moment his thumb reaches your coarse curls. 

You ache to wrap your soaked fingers around his to tug him closer, but you know you can't. And that feels surprisingly okay. For the first time in a long time, you're actually keeping yourself sated enough without his help.

Now that your legs are parted, it all feels...different. Heightened, almost. It's because you're hyperaware of every movement you're making, you realize, and it turns you on way more than it should. Or no. No. Exactly as much as it should. 

Joel isn't immune to it either. 

As your bedroom fills with the sounds of crisp, rustling sheets and the slick motions of your fingers roaming your folds, you can feel Joel fighting harder not to rut into your side. His body is tense beside you, and the bicep pillowing your head flexes intermittently every time your hips swivel to meet your hand. His praise is also starting to take on an edge, tinged with something a little...filthier.

"Y'hear that? You're gettin' so loud, sugar. So wet," he grits out, his expression pained. "Just look at'cha. Needy, perfect girl. Doin' everythin' right."

His eyes dart up to your face, observing the delicate scrunch of your nose and your parted lips. He's watching you a little too intently, likely to avoid the image of your glistening palm and fingertips working to bring yourself closer and closer to the edge. You're making a huge mess.

And it's making Joel hard as a rock. Twitching and leaking, and temptingly bare against the sweet friction of your hip. You know he's doing everything he can to focus on you, but he can't even begin to imagine how much his reaction is spurring you on. 

More. You want to give yourself so much more.

"Joel, I don't think I'm doing it right," you twist to whine into his tousled, graying hair. You breathe him in, and the familiar scent of pine and suede makes your head spin and your fingers stutter. "S'not enough. I-I need more, I keep losing it."

He sucks in a harsh breath through his teeth, wrenching his gaze away from you to glance down the bed. He can't even hide how badly he wants to touch you. His cock jerks the moment he catches sight of you again, smearing precum across your skin, and you involuntarily mimic him, your hips bucking up into your unpracticed touch.

Blunt nails dig into your thigh before his hand trails back up to your stomach. It trembles as he guides you, languidly and with a hint of desperation. 

"S'okay, just follow me," he instructs you, swirling his middle and ring fingers in a tight circle around your belly button. You shiver at the raspiness of his voice. "Right around your clit. Remember where that is?" 

But before you can shake your head, his arm slides out from under you and he shifts further down your body to lean over you, propping himself on his elbow. His fingers continue their path on your stomach while he moves lower to gently tug up the hood of your clit, revealing your swollen nub. 

"Fuckin' hell," he swears quietly under his breath, his stomach visibly tensing. He's careful to steer clear of everything else, giving you enough space to heed his lesson. 

"Alright, c'mere, sugar. There ya go. See? You remember," he releases you, shifting a hand to your thigh and wrapping the other tightly around the base of his cock. He keens, his back nearly bowing with the pent-up tension in his body. "That's it. Nice, tight circles. Just like when I make you cum with my mouth."

You choke on your next moan, squeezing your eyes shut as you're suddenly inundated with memories of Joel between your legs, fucking you with his tongue until you gush into his mouth. You press down harder, swirl faster. No guilt, no disgust. It all still feels so good. 

He notices the change in your breathing immediately and begins to stroke himself in time with the rapid rise and fall of your breasts. The hazel of his eyes darken to pitch black. A warning, preparing you for the ecstasy to come.

"Oh, you like that, huh? S'good, you're doin' so good. Can ya give yourself two fingers?" he croons, teasing just below the ridge of his cock with his thumb while he waits for your response. 

"I...yeah. Y-yes," you whimper, your brows furrowing as you slip your fingers lower to circle your entrance. But as you start to press into yourself, you hesitate. "W-wait, it feels like too much. I don't want it to hurt."

At that, he all but winces like he's in physical pain, and his hand shoots to the base of his cock again and squeezes.

"Christ," he grits through his teeth, but it sounds more like a growl. You never meant to make him fight his own body like this, but you won't lie and say you're not devouring every second of it. He exhales sharply through his nose to ground himself. "Does it feel good when ya take my cock?"

Those dark eyes are locked on yours, but somehow they're still so gentle. He's not saying any of this for himself. You can tell, it's all for you. Reminders that you can do this if you want it and that he'd never ask you to do anything that could harm you.

You nod quickly because it does feel good. You need him to know that having him inside you feels so, so good. 

"Look at those pretty, little fingers of yours. They bigger than I am?"

Your eyes drop to where his hand is still wrapped tightly around himself. He's leaking all over his fingers, thick and tinged an angry shade of red.

"No, Joel. You're bigger," you whisper, your pleasure intensifying the longer you watch him. His lips quirk into the beginnings of a smirk.

"Now, ya don't have to. You can get yourself there just like that. S'just as good," his drawl commands your attention. "But I think you'd like knowin' how it feels like to cum around 'em—"

The tips of your fingers begin to sink into your heat before he finishes his sentence. The sensation is...everything. Too much to keep your eyes from rolling back or your jaw from dropping. It's just so different. As you bottom out, you wonder how this is even possible for Joel. How he ever manages to fit.

"S'hard to move," you pump your fingers in and out experimentally, moaning quietly at the addictive way they drag against your walls.

You're not too naive to realize your body stretches to accommodate him, but you're too caught up in the sight of his hand resuming its previous pace to recall that knowledge. He looks a little desperate and sounds even more so.

"Fuck me. S'it tight? Tell me, sugar. Tell me how tight ya are," he pants heavily, unable to stop himself from fucking into his fist. You unknowingly match his pace, clenching around yourself every time your palm slaps into your clit.

"M'so tight, Joel. And wet and warm," your eyes flutter closed as you lose yourself in the beauty of your own body. 

Letting the slick sound of his hand slamming into his pelvic bone be your guide, you bring yourself closer and closer to your own distinctive state of nirvana. The same explosive release Joel gives you—you're finally allowing your body to experience it for itself.

"Joel, I'm...I...," you sob around your words, barely able to force them out as your entire being quakes with your impending orgasm. "...I can't—m'gonna cum, Joel, I can't."

Without warning, he throws a leg over your body to straddle your hips and crashes his lips into yours. He continues to work himself as he coaxes your mouth open, his tongue brushing yours fleetingly before he pulls back. 

"Let go, sugar. Give in to it, s'okay. I got ya, I'm right here," he breathes against your lips, and you tilt your head to meet them. When your head drops back onto the bed, your eyes are pleading. You need his help. 

And he understands. That's what he's here for.

"Cum with me," he murmurs, dropping his forehead to yours. "C'mon, perfect girl, you deserve it."

You believe him. The shame and never-ending guilt that twists and snags like barbed wire in your chest is nowhere to be found right now. There's only silence, save for you and Joel teetering on the cusp, and his tender reassurances in your ear. He's right. You can have this. 

"Ngh—Joel, it's...cumming. Fuck, fuck, m'cumming."

It creeps up on you, a gentle crescendo that abruptly peaks, then slams into you like a freight train. His name leaves your lips in a sharp exhale of sheer relief, repeated like a prayer while you ride it out. 

You're vaguely aware of a ragged, drawn-out groan above you as you soak the sheets beneath you, your cunt squeezing your fingers hard with every spasm, just like he said it would. You feel it all. 

Then you feel him splatter across your stomach and breasts in thick, white streaks, his release as messy and prolonged as yours. Gasping, you continue through your aftershocks together until sensitivity sets in.

Joel collapses on the bed next to you and immediately pulls you into his arms, uncaring of the sticky, drying mess smearing between you. He cups your cheek and kisses you, firmly but chastely, before reluctantly pulling away.

His eyes search yours carefully like he's looking for something. Peace, maybe? A sense of calm, an absence of the cloudiness he so often sees there and fights to keep at bay. Whatever it is, he must find it because then his lips are on yours again, a longer, deeper kiss that you melt into with loose limbs and a light heart.

"How we doin', sugar?" he asks tentatively as he parts from you. 

You take a moment to respond, appraising your body and everything it can sense right now. The wetness between your legs and on your chest, your aching wrist and thighs, and that sweet, pleasant buzz settling at the top of your spine. 

"Good," you tell him honestly. You gaze up at him with a blissful smile, preening at the affectionate one he gives you in return before burying your face in the crook of his neck. 

"Thanks for this," you continue, mumbling carefully into the warmth of his skin. "And for putting up with me. I know all of this is shitty and weird, and not fun. Just...thanks for never giving up on me."

He sighs, pulling you impossibly closer and enveloping you in his strong, soothing embrace. It feels safe here. In Joel's bed, surrounded by his scent and heat, and unwavering patience, you start to feel hopeful. He lifts your hand to his lips and softly kisses the pads of each finger, then the center of your palm.

"Ya don't have to thank me for any of that. We'll keep doin' this, s'long as it takes," he murmurs, urging you out of your hiding spot to meet his eyes. "Not a damn thing wrong with ya. Ya hear me? You're perfect."

Maybe one day, you'll be able to believe him outside of this bedroom. But for right now, you just feel lucky to be loved by a man like Joel. One who accepts your trauma and your past, and will always be there to protect you, even from yourself.

thanks for reading!

[sister-lucifer]

A Bullet in the Chamber

Proxies (Hoodie, Masky, Toby) x Gender Neutral Reader

Genre: Horror/Dark Angst 

Summary: They want you to prove your love, to prove that you truly believe you’re meant to be together…with the help of Tim’s revolver, of course.

Content/Warnings: God, where do I start…obviously massive use of a gun, they play russian roulette, descriptions of gore, the proxies are super manipulative and emotionally abusive to reader, just a super obsessive not healthy relationship, this is NOT a feel good fic, it’s implied reader is being held captive 

Like my writing? I take requests! NSFW or SFW for any fandoms in my bio (request rules + masterlist in pinned post)!

Also, please reblog! it’s free, takes two seconds, and really helps me out 

Feedback is encouraged and appreciated:)

Not fully proofread! Let me know if you see any errors!

“We just wanna…play a little game with you, that’s all,” Tim drawls, his voice deep and lazy as he looks at you from behind his mask. 

You’re nervous suddenly. Unbearably nervous. A cold chill runs throughout your body and makes your stomach convulse in an agonizing manner, and you don’t know if you’re going to vomit or pass out first. You don’t know why. He’s only just started speaking. Maybe it’s the way he drew out the last part of that sentence, or the way he immediately tried to soothe you before you’ve even fully understood what’s going on, or just that look in his eyes that says ‘I want to fucking gut you.’ 

There’s a reason you learned to keep your guard up around these three.

Suddenly the little circle you’re all sitting in on the floor feels much, much tighter than is comfortable, and it doesn’t help that Toby slides in closer, bumping your shoulder with his and flashing you a knowing smirk. What exactly he knows, though, is a horrific enigma to you.

Brian is on your other side, and although he doesn’t move, for a split second he glances at you out of the corner of his eye before his gaze returns to Tim. He’s managing to hold a straight face, but you can see the corners of his mouth just barely twitching as he internally fights to keep the emotion bubbling beneath the surface at bay.

There’s silence for a few moments, you’re not sure how long, but you don’t realize they’re waiting for you to speak until Toby nudges you.

“I, uh…what, um— what kind of game…?” You stammer, immediately regretting your question despite the curiosity that’s gnawing at you like a starving animal. You shudder when Toby giggles, clearly trying to stifle the sound as he bumps your shoulder again. 

Tim thinks over his answer for a moment, scratching at his stubble in a manner that is far too casual. You think he’s going to speak, you’re expecting it, but he doesn’t say anything at first beyond a tired sounding sigh. Your eyes are locked onto his hand as it reaches behind him, and when it emerges once more it’s holding onto the grip of Tim’s revolver. 

“There’s one bullet in the chamber.” 

The world is spinning suddenly as you watch him place the weapon on the ground, and the sound of it sliding across the floor to you makes you sick. You bite back a gag as it slows to a stop in front of you. Your mouth hangs open uselessly as you struggle for words, desperate to pull out some sort of protest to what you know he wants but no sound comes. 

They watch you grapple with yourself for a few moments before Brian places a hand on your knee. It’s supposed to be a comforting gesture, and normally it would be, but now it feels like a threat. 

“Hey, don’t freak out so soon,” He says, lips curled into a subtle smirk, “We did this all the time when we were younger, it’s practically a rite of passage.”

Unsurprisingly, this does little to quell your fears. You’re shaking now, unable to wrap your mind around how they could be acting so nonchalant about putting your lives on the line like this.

“Listen,” Tim huffs, “I’m gonna be straight with ya, kid. We know how you’ve been feeling recently.” 

That hardly narrows it down. You’ve been feeling a lot of things recently, none of it good and all of it confusing. That’s just the sort of conflict born from this kind of captivity. You shrug, unsure what to say. 

“We know you w-wanna leave,” Toby clarifies, “I saw you staring out t-the window the other day…you just s-sat there for hours.” 

That…made you feel a bit guilty. You shouldn’t, but you do. You could’ve at least made it less obvious. 

“We trust you, hon,” Brian adds with a nod, “But we also think we could all use a little…what did you call it?”

He turns to Tim, who yawns before answering. 

“…Group bonding.” 

You shudder at the phrase. Disgusting. 

“I…I don’t think this is the best way to…t-to do that,” You murmur, but your words hold no weight when you can’t even look them in the eyes. You’d never take the risk of making any sort of real fuss anyways.

Tim shrugs, seeming to consider your words. 

“How would you do it, then?” 

You…don’t have an answer for that. Why don’t you have an answer for that? 

“I-I don’t know, I mean…can’t we just have awkward group sex like other, uh…groups, or whatever?” You ask, hesitating to call your dynamic any sort of relationship.

You make sure to tack on a nervous laugh at the end to make it seem lighthearted, but no one is amused. Toby giggles, but he’s laughing at you, and it’s painfully obvious. 

“Don’t stress about it,” Tim says, “Just think of it as a…a test, you know?” 

He sighs when you shake your head no.

“Ya know, like…a way of proving yourself. I mean, you trust us, right?” 

You hesitate to answer that, but nod quickly when Tim narrows his eyes at you. 

“Good. Well, think of it this way: if we all survive this, it’s a sign that we’re…meant to be together.”

“There has to be a better way—“ You blurt out before you can stop yourself, and Brian instantly takes to calming you. 

He wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you into his side. His other hand comes up to your face, holding your head against his shoulder.

“Calm down, baby,” He says softly, “Don’t jump ship so fast. I told you, we’ve all done this before. We’ll even go first to show you there’s nothing to be afraid of, alright?”

He’s not really giving you a choice. 

You nod.

Maybe you’ll be able to just get this over with. If you sit here for much longer, you’re gonna be sick. 

Toby reaches out to grab the gun first. That doesn’t surprise you at all. He’s never been one for forethought, or common sense in general. One day his hubris will get him killed, you think, but for once you’re hoping it won’t be today. 

Not today. 

Not here.

Not right in front of you. 

Brian doesn’t let you go, continuing to hold you against him as Toby makes a show of spinning the chamber, letting it run until it stops on its own. He giggles with deranged amusement as he presses the end of the barrel to the bottom of his chin, looking back at Tim with a crooked grin. 

There’s silent for a few moments, and you can’t look away from him until you follow his gaze to Tim, who is staring back with furrowed brows.

He’s still for a beat, and then he nods. 

A signal. 

Go. 

You have a split second to process Toby preparing to pull the trigger before you bury your face in Brian’s hoodie and he, in turn, covers your face with his hand and squeezes you tight. It’s hardly comforting, but it’s better than nothing. 

The soft click of the trigger seems to echo endlessly in the silence that follows. 

Silence. 

You quickly look back up and are immediately met with Toby’s hazel eyes looking back at you, their corners crinkled with the wide smile that’s spread across his pale face. 

“Lookie there,” He drawls with a laugh, “This h-handsome face is still in tact.” 

“Hardly the better outcome,” Tim mutters with a roll of his eyes.

This prompts Toby to slide the gun to him next, crossing his arms in feigned hurt. 

“You go n-next then, wise guy. If you blow y-your brains out, at least we’ll know you h-had one.” 

“Shut up,” Tim hisses back as he, too, brings his hand up to spin the chamber of the revolver. You’re still trying to catch your breath. You didn’t think they’d be so eager. 

You’re gripping onto Brian’s hoodie so tightly your knuckles burn as you watch Tim press the barrel of the gun to his jaw, angling it upwards toward the dome of his skull.

He’s not nearly as giddy as Toby. He’s straight faced and silent, which isn’t odd, but something in his eyes is darker than you ever remember it being. You can only see his eyes with his mask on, yet you know his expression exactly. He’s staring right at you, and you’re imagining his brains dashed against the wall behind him, his face and any identifying features that once made him human reduced to a splatter of viscera that barely resembles the pieces of a person. 

And when it’s all over, you think, you’ll surely be the one left to clean the mess of what used to be Tim. You’ll be left to scrub the red stains from the floorboards while the others continue on as if nothing has happened, and suddenly you can’t breathe.

The world stills as once more the trigger is pulled with a click.

Then relief hits you like a shockwave when that click is followed by silence.

Silence.

Your lungs fill faster than you were ready for, and you cough and sputter as your chest heaves with newfound breath. Brian rubs your shoulder gently, his other hand reaching out to grab the revolver as Tim slides it to him. The gun is exchanged without a word, only piercing eye contact as Brian lifts the weapon and spins the chamber, just as his companions had done before him. 

It seems so natural for all of them. In the half a second it takes for Brian to lift the gun you wonder how many times they’ve done this, if you’re the first  person to witness this ritual, and if not, what happened to those who came before you. 

You don’t find any hope of getting answers, though, as you watch Brian press the barrel to the side of his head. He gives you a squeeze, and you can’t tell if he’s assuring you or saying goodbye just in case. 

You still haven’t released his hoodie despite the throbbing pain in your fingers. You’re barely a thread away from tearing out a patch, but you can’t let go. You don’t look at him this time, unable to pull your head away from where it rests on his shoulder. You wrap your arms around him and squeeze like you’re trying to crush him, but he only lets out a breathy chuckle and ruffles your hair in response as if he’s amused by your terror. You’re a scared kid to him, a foolish little child running from an imaginary monster despite the very real threat. 

You can hear his hoodie shifting as he adjusts the position of the gun. You can hear the slight scratching against his hair as the barrel moves against his head. You can hear him suck in a quick breath as he readies himself to pull the trigger. 

You hear the click. 

And then silence. 

Silence.

You’ve never been so grateful for silence. 

You nearly jump out of your skin when Toby claps and laughs loudly, practically howling with wildly misplaced celebration. He shakes you in his excitement, unable to get any intelligible words out through his giggling. 

“Shhh,” Brian says with a finger to his lips, “We’re not done yet.”

He’s right. Goddamnit, he’s right. Not everyone has played yet. You were hoping that maybe just this once the higher being that trapped you in this hell would have this minuscule mercy on you, but you were met with a resounding no. 

Brian places the gun on the floor in front of you. You can’t hear the sound of the metal gently knocking against the wood floor, but it makes you feel ice cold. Your world is rapidly going dark as you struggle to make yourself breathe. 

You can feel the others’ eyes on you, three pairs of eyes staring right at you and boring a hole through your skull that’ll surely be identical to the one the bullet will leave. Maybe they’re imagining it, too. 

It seems you’re not moving fast enough for them.

Toby reaches out and grabs your wrist a bit too roughly, forcefully placing your hand on the gun. You wince like you expect it to burn, but you’re left with only the cruel sensation of metal on your palm. 

You weakly curl your fingers around the grip of the gun. It feels impossibly heavy as you lift it, trembling like a leaf in the wind. You force your other hand up, placing two fingers on the chamber of the revolver as you prepare to spin it.

You press the pads of your fingers against the metal, pushing down in an attempt to spin, but the gun slips from your shaking hands and clatters to the floor. You yelp in surprise and clamp your hands over your mouth, tears suddenly forming in your eyes but refusing to flow over. 

Brian sighs. You can’t tell if he’s annoyed or just disappointed. He picks up the gun, and you think that maybe, just maybe he’s going to let you out, grant you some small reprieve and tell you you don’t have to do this. 

Instead he wraps an arm around your waist and holds you close, and his other hand presses the barrel of the gun right to your head. 

“I’ll do it for you,” He says, as if it’s nothing serious. Like he’s just grabbing a box off a high shelf to be nice. 

You feel like he’s strangling you. He might as well be. It would be a more humane death. 

He’s going to kill you, you think, you’re going to die in this godforsaken house with these bastards, you’re going to die in isolation with no one to honor your body. 

They’ve sentenced you to death. 

You think back to that question of how many have come before you. Is this what they thought about, too? Is this the first, third or twentieth time someone like you has been here? How many unfortunate circumstances have stained the floorboards red over the years this cabin has stood? 

It doesn’t matter. 

None of that matters. 

You’re going to be the next. 

That’s all there is for you to be now. 

A stain of red on the old wood floors will be your only legacy. 

You can hear your heartbeat in your ears as you look up at Brian. His expression doesn’t move an inch. There’s no trace of the humor he always seems to have, not even a hint of feigned compassion or sympathy for your position. He’s not letting you out of this. None of them are. 

You reach down and grab Brian’s hand where it rests in your hip, your nails digging into his knuckles. He doesn’t react. He doesn’t even move beyond adjusting his finger to pull the trigger. 

Each second seems to go on for an eternity, yet at the same time everything is moving far too fast. You can’t process what’s happening but you just want it over with, that’s your only choice. 

He’s lifting his finger, preparing to bring it down on the trigger. 

He’s pressing the barrel of the gun into your skin just a bit harder as he readies himself for whatever happens next. 

This is it. 

This is it. 

This is it this is it this is it this is it this is it this is it this is…

The trigger clicks. 

Then there’s silence. 

…it.

Silence.

And then Toby erupts with animalistic, ecstatic laughter. It rings in your ears and echoes around your skull in an almost painful manner. You can’t stand the sound. 

You’re alive. 

The game is over. 

All at once relief floods your body in such an overwhelming manner your vision goes dark. You can’t speak a word before you’ve gone limp in Brian’s arms, and he barely has time to put the revolver down and catch you. He holds you in his arms and makes a half hearted attempt to wake you, but when you don’t respond he looks up at Tim with a smirk. 

“Out like a light.” 

Tim can’t help but chuckle, and for a moment it’s even a full on laugh. This only encourages Toby, who’s flopped over onto his back as his body writhes with mirth. 

Brian groans as he stands, pulling your body up with him. He throws you over his shoulder and nods to the others. 

“I’m taking this one up stairs, gonna put ‘em to bed. I’m sure they’ll be whiny when they wake up, and you two better deal with it.”

Tim and Toby nod and wave him away. Toby’s finally stopped laughing enough to pull himself off the floor as Tim picks up the revolver. He shoves it into Toby’s chest, nearly pushing him over. 

“Go put it up,” Tim orders. 

“Or what?” Toby teases as he takes the gun, “You g-gonna get mad ‘cause I won’t clean up y-your toys?” 

“Just do it,” Tim demands with a growl, clearly not amused. Toby rolls his eyes and huffs like a defiant child, but nods. 

Tim starts to walk away, headed upstairs to his own room, but he pauses on the first step and turns to Toby. 

“Oh, and don’t forget to load it,” He adds, “If it’s empty the next time I need it, I’m gonna kill you.” 

[patronsaintofelsewhere]

Thoughts on Angel Crowley & Healing from Trauma

(Minor Good Omens S2 Spoilers)

As someone who’s endured my own Trauma and dealt with the resulting PTSD, watching Crowley’s journey from a joyful, silly, and entirely innocent angel to a withdrawn, lonely, hyper-vigilant demon as a result of the Fall both shattered my heart and confronted me with the fact of myself, and I’d like to talk about it. 

When you* experience Trauma, you experience an existential disorientation and a profound sense of grief over the world you thought you knew–one where you were safe and nothing bad had ever happened to you. “Innocence died screaming,” and all that.

You're also therefore mourning the loss of who you were, and struggling to make sense of who you are now. Which is why this conversation is so gut-wrenching:

“I know you.” “You do not know me.” “I knew the angel you were.” “The angel you knew is not me.” 

This dialogue admittedly still makes my eyes swim. It’s reminiscent of the many conversations I’ve had with people close to me who knew me Before and After. Not only are you grieving the loss of your own innocence, so are those around you, and it feels like you’re wearing their loved one’s face like a mask.

And then underneath the grief, there’s a river of–what you’ll later discover is misplaced–guilt. They want you to be who you were. Fuck, you also want to be who you were -- to not have experienced what you did -- but you can’t.

And when they catch a glimpse of something that reminds them of Before-You -- because it's not like that you has just up and vanished, you've just changed -- they say things like, “I feel like I have you back!” Like the After-You is a consolation prize, something to be tolerated while they wait for the Before-You to return.

It’s not malicious. They love you. They want you to be happy. But it just serves as a reminder of your loss and suddenly you’re acutely aware of how alone you are with the Thing that hurt you.

After trauma, you’re lonely and you're afraid. But those emotions make you feel quite naked, because both of those things would require you to depend on other people to feel better and, at this point, the thought of doing that is far too scary, so to the world, you’re angry. Thus begins the cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy.

And that cycle goes a bit like this: People see the mistrust and the bitterness and the volatility (the shield that keeps people at an arm's length and helps you feel safe). They don't see the profound sustained fear underneath, the desperate need to feel seen and accepted. And so people pull away.

And that real or perceived abandonment feeds the monster that’s taken up permanent residence in your ribcage and screams at all hours that you’re not worthy of love, that you’re irreparably broken, and you’ll always be alone. And you pull away from the people that love you. And the cycle repeats. And you start to believe all of the bad things about yourself that the monster tells you.

Being confronted with a character who you adore and who you also relate to closely is bittersweet in that it’s both immensely painful, but also offers you an opportunity to interrupt that cycle, to explore a different -- perhaps more forgiving -- lens through which to view yourself. To practice self-compassion by proxy, if you will. After all, we tend to extend far greater empathy and forgiveness to others than we do to ourselves.

Angel Crowley, "who squeaked and squealed when he was happy; who flailed his arms around and made explosion noises with his mouth to explain nebulas; who preened when told his stars were pretty,” (joycrispy) reminded me a lot of “Angel T,” or rather myself before Trauma.

And Crowley's story is tragic. I was heartbroken and angry for him; I felt the depth of the betrayal he experienced at the hands of someone he loved who he'd believed loved him; I found myself wanting to protect him, to comfort him. Crowley did not deserve what happened to him.

And, over a decade later, I realized that I’d finally accepted that I’d been an innocent, just like Crowley had, and I didn't deserve what happened to me, either.

And -- if you find yourself relating to this post -- neither did you.

Once we can tell ourselves that and actually believe it, we can start to lower the shield. We can allow people closer, including ourselves. We can bring the parts of ourselves we may have hidden away back to the surface. We can soften again. We can truly start to heal.

Crowley, at his core, remains the same. He is still kind, deeply loving, playful, silly, and – against all odds – hopeful. But his trauma has changed him; his innocence is gone.

He struggles to trust others; fears abandonment; engages in unhealthy coping mechanisms; finds it easier to prioritize and tend to Aziraphale's needs and desires than his own; and has difficulty expressing his emotions.

But he also gained an abundance of empathy, a deep love for humanity, and a strong sense of justice.

We adore Crowley exactly as he is now; we don't wish for him to be who he was before the Fall. And neither does Aziraphale.

In kind, we won’t be who we were — nor should we try to be — but we can be something new, a different version of ourselves that is equally good, equally worthy, and equally deserving of love. 

After over a decade, I think my Trauma wound has mostly healed, as much as Trauma wounds can, anyway; it’s a dull ache rather than an acute pain. Yet Crowley's story assuaged that remaining hurt like a salve I hadn’t realized I needed.

So thank you to @neil-gaiman for giving us such a beautiful story, and to David Tennant, Michael Sheen, and the rest of the cast and crew who bring the characters we love to life on screen.

Good Omens truly is a gift. May it continue to inspire us to offer kindness and love to ourselves and one another. 🖤

* I am aware that I say “you” when I should use the singular first-person “I,” but I still struggle with this when talking about my own trauma. So I’m using “you” and you, reader, will deal with it x

[rottingworship]

Beg and Bargain

The Proxies x Fem!Reader | Chapter Two

Chapter One

Summary: Tim takes you to your apartment for some essentials, you begin to spill your guts on how you ended up in this situation. Your priorities still aren't straight.

A/N: I'm gnawing at the bars of my enclosure (real). Also, while I personally (currently) don't write super, duper dark stuff... This will definitely still be toxic. just a warning.

Warnings: murder, name calling (bitch, cunt), gun violence, your best friend and ex have names, you are the cause of a murder, your ex tried to murder you, no use of y/n, not beta'd, flashbacks (please let me know if i forgot something!)

Word Count: 2.9k (o.o)

You are sitting in a car, bloody, dirty, and shoeless. You are staring dead ahead with a look of fear on your face. You fiddle with the hem of your bloodied sweater and deeply inhale. Your stomach is feeling sick again, and you can’t tell if it’s from lack of food or the fact that Brian and Toby thought it would be best to blindfold you to get you out of the woods.

“Can’t have you knowing where you are, at least for now.” Brian told you.

You sat in the car, breathing heavily from anxiety. Not being able to see kind of makes you powerless. You had waited patiently for Tim to tell you to take the blindfold off.

“You can take that off now,” Tim had said, smirking, you could hear it.

Now, you are just sitting. “I don’t know why they blindfolded me,” You cross your arms. “Not like I could find that place again even if my life depended on it.” Let’s hope it doesn’t. You want to cry again. The feeling hits you out of nowhere. You refrain from it.

“Are we close?” Tim asks. You can’t tell if he’s trying to get your mind off of everything or get his mind off of something.

“Oh, yeah,” You snort, feeling silly. “Take a right up here. Then you’ll see an apartment complex.” Tim follows your instructions, and you see it. “Yeah, that one right there. I don’t think there are any others, so it’s kinda obvious…” You trail off. He pulls up and you give him the code to get in.

“This place is nice…” Tim takes the place in.

“Yeah,” You look at the parking lot, “especially for this little town, huh?” You are on edge. You are looking for someone’s car, Tim seems to be able to clock that from a mile away.

“Who are you looking for?” He suddenly sounds stern.

You give him an awkward, nervous smile. “I don’t live alone…” His jaw clenches. “She’s not here though! She works first shifts, and I don’t see her car.” You reassure him. Tim nods, parking the car. You realize you have to walk across the pavement to the apartments. You sigh. “Can you, like, drop me off at the door?”

“No.” Tim shakes his head. “I can carry you?” He offers.

You shake your head. You suck in air, sighing. “I’ll just walk and get sick.” Tim does not respond. He doesn’t find it amusing it would seem. You get out of the car and the cold concrete can be felt through the bandages on your feet. You want to hurry towards the building but know you can’t. Your feet and legs burn already. Maybe you should have taken Tim up on that offer…

No one seems to be in the lobby when you walk in. Tim seems on edge. You walk towards the elevator and Tim stops in his tracks. You turn to him. “No, we are not taking the stairs. I’m hurt and I live on the fourth floor.” Tim doesn't want to argue. Maybe he feels bad for you, maybe he just doesn’t want to cause a scene. You can’t tell. You both enter the elevator and lean back against the railing. You look up at the mirror on the ceiling and realize just how fucked up you look. You see a leaf in your hair. You pull it out.

Tim groans, “Sorry, Toby said he got all of those out. I told him I’d do it, but he insisted on being the one to pull all the twigs and leaves out of your hair.”

“How sweet.” You deadpan.

The elevator stops and the both of you make your way out. You lead Tim down the hallway and to your apartment. “Fuck.”

“What?”

“I don’t have my key.”

Tim looks uneasy.  You try to think of a way to get in and the door swings open. You let out a short scream and jump into Tim. He grunts and steadies you.

“What are you doing at home? And… You’re with a man?”

“Val!” You whisper, “you’re supposed to be at work!” You speak through gritted teeth.

Val’s eyes look over you and they widen. You tense. Tim’s hand goes to the small of your back immediately. She wants to pull you into the apartment, her hand twitches. You see her gears turning. You suck in air through your nose, jaw clenched.

“Can we come in?” You ask.

As you say ‘we’ Val’s eyes move to Tim. She is frozen. After a short moment of awkward silence, Val moves to the side. You rush in, Tim hot on your trail. Val closes the door and places her back to it.

“Can I-”

“No,” you respond before she can say anything. “I’m just here to collect some things. I’m still on vacation.” You reassure her.

“You packed before you left.” She states it, her eyes not leaving Tim. She can see how bloody you are, and how clean Tim is. She is obviously connecting dots that something is wrong, and completely off.

“I know love,” Your voice suddenly changes, Tim notices it. “Do not worry about me.” Val nods, her eyes glazing over. “I’m just here to grab some shoes and some essentials. I promise, everything is okay,” You lie.

“Everything is okay…” She responds. Her voice is monotone. She turns and goes to her room.

You turn away from Tim and walk towards your room. You grab a duffle bag, the only bag you hadn’t taken on vacation, and begin to fill it. Tears threaten to spill from your eyes. You quickly wipe your eyes and try to sniffle quietly.

“Are you crying?” Tim asks softly, but still completely on edge.

“No.” You snap. You walk to your bathroom, Tim close behind you still. “Can you get off my ass?” You mumble. Tim shakes his head, you see it from the corner of your eye. You turn around and narrow your eyes. You cross your arms and look at him. “I promised Val I’d never fucking do that to her!” Your voice is dangerously low. “And I just- I just did…” You break.

“Are you-” Tim starts. He doesn’t finish. He knows whatever he’s about to say is going to set you off a little more.

“I’m fucking terrified…” You are crying; trying to keep from sobbing. “I don’t know what’s going on, what’s going to happen-” You stop yourself. You wipe your face again and let out a guttural groan. You turn from Tim and grab some of the things around the bathroom. You throw face wash, a toothbrush, deodorant, body wash, tampons, and some hair care into your bag. You aren’t sure how long you’ll be gone. You are preparing for the worst.

You go back to your bed and sit down. You look at the different shoes and grab the most comfortable pair of sneakers and then a pair of socks. You look down at your feet. You examine the somewhat bloody and definitely dirty bandages.

“They need to be redone.” Tim clocks his tongue. “The bandages.”

No shit. You refrain from saying something stupid. “I’ll just- We can redo these later. I need to get the fuck outta here.” You slide an old pair of Crocs on and shove the shoes and socks in your bag. In all, you had grabbed a couple outfits, some essentials (that probably shouldn’t have been priority), and most importantly, shoes. You throw the bag over your shoulder and walk by Tim and out of your room.

“I’m leaving!” You shout to Val. “I love you!”

“I love you!” She replies, a little more joyous than how she sounded earlier. But she still doesn't sound… Normal.

You walk back towards the elevator. You and Tim step in and you notice him staring at you. You give him a funny look. “You didn't change your clothes. Didn't you wanna do that?” He furrows his brows.

“After I shower. I need to scrub this dirt and blood off of me.” Tim stares at you harder as you smash the ground floor button. “What?”

“You don't wanna shower at your apartment?”

“Didn't know that was an option… I was just hoping that ‘Toby’s place’ has hot water.” Your use of air quotes makes Tim laugh. You aren't sure if that’s reassuring or not. You let it go.

“It does. Probably not for long. But it does.” 

You nod. You make your way back out to the parking lot and into the car. You throw your bag in the back seat and sit back up front. You look down at the blindfold and back at Tim. “Do I need to–”

“Not yet.” He shifts in his seat. You nod and bite the inside of your lip. “Your roommate… she knows about your–”

“Yes.” You cut him off. “She knows about my ability.” Duh. “She thinks I’d never use it on her…”

“You never have?” He asks, his voice genuine and curious.

“No!” You shake your head. “Not until just a bit ago! I had never really, um– I never used it for anything bad until last night.”

Tim's grip on the steering tightens. “What do you mean ‘bad’.”

“Well, I really just did little things. Mostly when I would drink… I haven't drank in a while though. But last night– I wasn't drinking, I was minding my own business and I– I did what I had to do! I did the only thing I could do!”

“What did you do?” You know he's trying to get information, really. What else would he be doing? But you're emotional and about to bust from keeping everything to yourself.

“He had a gun! He was gonna shoot me!” You are panicking, recounting it. You are remembering too well.

_-_-_-_-_

You were in the middle of the woods. Your eyes were wide and full of fear.

“Do not think about it, bitch!”

“Please, John!” You begged. “I'm not– I won't tell anyone. I'll do anything– please…”

“Anything?” He questioned you. You nodded. “Aw,” he feigns sadness, “now you wanna be a slut? Too bad. Should’a thought about that when we were together.”

You stared in horror. “John. You have a great life! You are literally doing what you've always wanted! Being private investigator–”

“Do not use that magic on me, witch bitch!”

“What are you– What do you mean?” You were shocked to your core.

“I heard about what you can do. I had to come back to see for myself. Y'know, it makes sense. The free drinks at the bar? Thought it was just ‘cause of the way you dressed. But thinking about it, you definitely had those bartenders in a fucking trance, huh?” You were stunned. “Also, the fact you made me leave you alone when you didn't wanna–”

That struck a chord. “I never used that on you!”

John's eyes darkened and his smile widened. That was all the evidence he needed. You wanted to kick yourself. His hand moved to the gun on his hip and you let out a shout before he was on top of you covering your mouth. The both of you tussled briefly, but you ended up on the floor. The gun was pressed to your temple. You began to cry. Hard.

“Oh, shut up cunt.” He growled out. “I should make you suffer. For all the things you've done… I'm nice though, I promise this will be quick.”

You began to panic. His hand moved from your mouth and he steadied himself over you. You used that to your advantage.

“Get off of me.” Your voice did not break. Your eyes locked with his. His eyes glazed over and he moved off of you.

“No!”

You furrowed your brows at John. Most people did not break away that fast. He pointed the gun at you again.

“Stop. Put the gun down.” He listened. “I do not want to hurt you. Please leave and just forget about this.” You plead with him. “I'm not using my ‘magic’, just leave.”

John screamed, frustrated and infuriated. “Are you mocking me!?” The gun is pointed back at you again.

Fuck, I'm gonna have to– “Put the gun to your head.” You knew you couldn't look away. Not if you wanted it to work.

“Stop!” He was beginning to beg. “You will regret this!”

“Then leave!” You shouted.

“I can't let you go!” He was forceful.

You still had a grip on him. The gun was still against his temple. “Put your finger on the trigger.” Tears brimmed your eyes. What the fuck am I doing? You felt incredibly sick and confused. You did not want to die, but you also did not want to kill him.

“Please! I’ll leave!” His voice broke.

You held back a sob. You knew that wasn’t true. He was lying. He was going to kill you.

“Pull the trigger.”

As soon as his finger pulled it, you looked away, a strangled scream escaping you. You hit the ground and let out a loud wail. You had just been the cause of death to someone you once loved.

_-_-_-_-_

You bring yourself back to reality, “He was gonna kill me!” You can’t breathe. You’re gripping your chest and gasping. Tim’s hands are tight on the steering wheel. “I didn’t have a choice! He knew, and if I didn’t-”

“How many people know?” Tim seems concerned.

“Only Val! I thought… but she wouldn’t tell anyone. Especially John. He was always-” You cut yourself off and make some hand motions. “Kinda off. She knew that! But he still knew… Said I was gonna regret it if I killed him…”

“Sorry,” Tim cuts you off. “Gotta blindfold you now.” He pulls over on the side of the road, seemingly feeling some type of why about your outburst of sadness. You can’t pick up on it. You nod and he grabs the blindfold, asking you to turn for him. You oblige. You seem to always oblige. “Why were you in the woods? When Toby found you?”

“Oh,” You huff, “just blindfold me and act like nothing is weird about that…” You decide to continue anyway. “John took me out there. Said something about, I don’t know, showing me something? He was too strong to even fight against anyway. And I kinda knew I could get away if needed… Didn’t expect that though.”

There is silence. Tim doesn’t seem to have any more questions. You breathe in steadily, trying to ignore the fact you are blindfolded in a car with a man you still really do not know. Realizations are hitting left and right, and there is nothing you can do. Not at the moment.

The car begins to slow down and comes to a halt. You sit there. Tim unbuckles, you hear it. You wait for instruction on what to do next. Tim picks up on that.

“Hold on,” he says, opening his door, “I’ll help you out. I’m gonna grab your bag.” His door closes and the door behind you opens. You hear rustling and the door shuts. Your door opens and a hand grabs your bicep, and you are pulled from the car. You duck down, and a hand touches your head, keeping you from bonking it on the car.

Tim steadies you and begins to walk forwards, leading you towards what you hope is the cabin. You really hope he brought you back to the cabin. When you hear leaves crunching ahead of you, you only grow more tense.

“Wh-what are you wearing!?” Toby is ahead of you, seeming to be dying of laughter.

You gasp. “Toby! I’m wearing my crocs!”

“And your bl-bloody clothes!” He laughs harder.

You just cannot win. You move to take your blindfold off and freeze. Your fingers are holding the tied part, and your breathing is slow.

“You can take it off.” Brian speaks up. You listen. You take it off fast and you’re ready to run for Toby, again. “I wouldn’t.” Brian warns, “You remember what happened this morning.”

He has a point. You hate it, but he has a point… You look over at Tim. “Thanks for carrying that. I’m gonna head inside and shower.” You grab the bag and smile as you thank him. “You have hot water?” You look at Toby. When he shrugs, you let out a guttural groan.

“J-just fucking with y-you. I do, b-but the hot wa-water heater isn’t th-that great.”

You want to swing on him. You do not. You nod and trudge inside. You know Tim is going to tell them everything that happened. You do not care. You just want to shower. You get into the bathroom and place your bag down. You pull out your new clothes and place them on the sink and look at the shower.

You do not know how this one works…

You let out a little cry and walk back out of the bathroom and onto the front porch. “Hey!” You shout at the three of them. “I need help!”

“Showering?” They all say in unison.

“No!” You stomp your foot, “I need help starting it…” You feel stupid.

“Oh,” Toby walks up to the porch and right past you, towards the bathroom. He easily starts it and leaves. He says nothing else. You want to die. You close and lock the door.

“This is going to suck…” You begin to unwrap your feet. You don’t even know what sucks more. Your situation or the way your feet are going to burn in that water.

When you get in, you decide in the moment, it’s definitely your feet.

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 41!

another excellent reading week <3 this list is spoiler free for season 8: for season 8 fic recs, click here!

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading!

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

for thy true-love take | lecornergirl/@clusterbuck| 1.9k | T

Chimney Han and the ethics of slipping your coworkers love potions. chimneyhen bestieism!! this felt so them <3

from the ground up | blueberrytwoberry/@blueberrytwoberry| 17.5k | M

And so, really, the last thing he needed when he got home at the end of a long shift was to find a massive, weird-ass dog curled up on his front porch. And yet, there it was. just this morning i realised what a goldmine animal transformation aus can be and wow this was exactly what i was looking for!! the maddie scene had me giggling, such a lovely fic!!

i can't sleep without you | Buddiesmutslut/@buddiesmutslut | 1.9k | G

He can exhaust himself with a workout or a good shift or a night out, but by the time he climbs into his bed, he lays awake for hours, replaying his mistakes over and over again. He’s barely sleeping, beyond exhausted and he just wants to go home. so so soft and so lovely <3 exactly the comfort i needed earlier this week

i didn't know (that it could be good) | rainbow_nerds/@rainbow-nerdss | 27k | E

They're friends, that's all there is to it. Until Eddie lets himself into Buck's apartment unannounced, and finds him in a compromising position. That should be nothing, just something to laugh about down the line, except afterwards, it's like a switch has flipped, and neither of them can get it out of their minds. okay yes yes the smut is good the clothes sharing is nice the sexual tension is so there but can we talk about the butterflies?? just read this and you'll know what i mean it will be so worth it i promise. a new favourite for sure <3

i'll be the north star that takes you home | marviless/@marviless | 7.9k | G

in which eddie is moving back to el paso for the summer, and buck is deeply in love. listen the idea of eddie moving to el paso hurts me and also hurts buck BUT when it leads to fics like this i suddenly don't mind anymore <3 the airport scene!!

i'll keep your brittle heart warm | reeseofmind | 12.8k | E

5 times buck and eddie wear the other's clothes + 1 time they don't wear much of anything. i've been deep in the clothes sharing tag and this was one of my favourite finds <3

in synchronicity with the score | therainbowsedge/@therainbowsedge | 30.2k | E

“How long have you gone without scening?” And isn’t that a loaded question that Buck doesn’t even know how to start responding to. i have such a weak spot for fics like this. this has some gorgeous descriptive passages and looks into buck's mindset in this au!

love like woven thread | renecdote/@renecdote | 1.9k | G

the one where Eddie is a clothes thief and Buck kind of loves that about him. the ultimate hurt/comfort fluff clothes stealing fic <3 so lovely!! i reread this while working on this rec list actually hehe

steal my abuela (you already have my heart) | anarchyat4am | 4.6k | T

“Hey,” Eddie says softly, “You really showed up for me yesterday. Thank you.” “Course,” Buck says, “We had fun.” “Fun? You sat in the ER with my abuela for three hours.”. buck and abuela!! i love them together so much!! family feels indeed <3

vary my days | Chash | 12.6k | T

After Christopher leaves, Frank tells Eddie to get a hobby. Eddie picks Legos, Buck picks crochet, and they both wait for Chris to talk to them again. eddie and the legos my absolute beloved <3 such a fantastic working of these characters!!

you've haunted me so stunningly | playinginthunderstorms/@playinginthunderstorms | 9.6k | T

Five times Buck and Eddie hold hands, one time they do by proxy, and one time Eddie freaks out about it. holding hands!! so so hurt/comfort in the best way possible. i was saving this one for a bus ride home after a long day and it hit the spot exactly <3

[kiame-sama]

I can't remember if I already requested this or not, so I'm sorry if you've already received this.

It's a but dark, but I'd like to request Munchausen's syndrome by proxy with yandere Miguel. Like he finds out reader is thinking of breaking up with him, so he purposely makes her sick so she'll have to depend on him and can't leave. Maybe including a caretaker kink with it?

Thank you!

Love Sick- (Yandere!Miguel x Reader)

Warnings; Munchausen's syndrome by proxy (Miguel to Reader), unhealthy dependency, yandere behavior, yandere tendencies, caretaker kink, possessive Miguel,

~~~~~~~~

"Just rest, Querida."

Miguel cooed gently to you, petting your cheek in an affectionate manner as he used the back of his hand to test your temperature. He seemed to grimace in response to how warm you must have felt to him, though you didn't feel particularly warm in any way. The way he turned to the medicine on the side table made you wonder just when this mysterious illness was going to finally fade away.

You had been thinking about returning to your timeline and universe, despite the unusual way you wound up in Miguel's universe. One of the anomalies dragged you to Miguel's universe where he came to your aid and caught you up to speed on the work he did. Apparently the way back to your universe had closed up in such a way that you wouldn't be able to return for quite some time. While you waited to return to your reality, Miguel managed to charm you and he clearly wanted to pursue a relationship with you.

The two of you were good together and all of the Spider people spoke of how good you were for Miguel. One day Jess offhandedly mentioned your universe showing back up and you had to excitedly bother Miguel about it. He acted happy but unbeknownst to you, he was thinking of how to keep you with him in a more permanent manner.

The day you were planning on returning to your own timeline, you fell suddenly ill. At first you tried to convince Miguel that you could still go, but he insisted that you remain in bed and get 'much needed' rest. Since then, you had been stuck with your ever adoring boyfriend taking care of you.

Some days you seemed to improve and could do things yourself, other days you were so weak you could barely get out of bed. There were days you felt well enough to ask Miguel to take you to your original timeline, but he would always insist you wait a day to see if you truly did feel better, and your illness would come back with full force before the next twenty-four hours.

"But... I feel like I'm being a burden."

"Not to me, you're not. I want you to be healthy and I'm not going to just abandon you because you have been ill. In sickness and in health, sí?"

"That's marriage, Miguel. We're dating."

"Ay, close enough. The point still stands, taking care of you is not a burden to me."

You smiled at this, holding his hand and lightly kissing his palm with a happy hum. Even though he risked getting ill as well, he always comforted and held you at night. Anything he could do to make your life easier seemed to be taken up in stride.

"I am so lucky you found me, Miguel."

"I'm the lucky one, (Y/n). And I consider myself lucky every day you are by my side."

You smiled when he kissed your forehead, feeling his gentle lips against your skin. You let him hold you close as he slid into the bed next to you, holding you to his chest.

"I am so lucky to have you, and I'll never let go..."

[boybeholding]

oops this ones a fic. sorry that im just the stoner x reader guy i cant help it

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

2012 Raph + Stoner Reader Content Warnings: recreational drug use, swearing

Not requested.

Mikey, Donnie (wip), Leo (& 2)

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Casey introduced you.

Raph should have been more skeptical when he dragged him out to shoot hoops in the middle of the night, insisting that they had to go to the high school and use their court.

Casey had thought of this plan about 5 minutes before its execution, so he was simultaneously begging you not to freak out and Raph not to be mad.

"Casey-!? What the fuck IS that thing?"

"oh, you are one to talk, you poser garbage--"

you got along. eventually.

when Casey and him brought you to the lair, you witnessed a screaming match to put any family holiday to shame.

the orange one... kind of took your side. in that he dragged you away in the middle of it to watch shitty anime.

it put you at a 3v3 between the group of friends/siblings. you didn't meet their father until after a life-threatening catastrophe where you... arguably... saved april's life.

so, by proxy of your shared traumatic experience, you got to hang around sometimes.

Raph was dead asleep when you cut class to go down there. scared the shell off of him when you jostled him awake.

"Hey, pepper. Wake up."

he threw his pillow at you.

"C'monnn!! Casey ditched me for April. I hate smoking alone."

"I hate when dumbasses wake me up in the middle of the night."

"It's 2pm. I just left school."

"My night."

he got up eventually. he lead you down a seemingly random pipe, insisting he knew a spot that wouldn't smell like. well... sewer.

he didn't ask any questions, just pretended like he knew what he was doing. when you asked him if he wanted some, he just scoffed and took the pipe from you.

you had to reach over and adjust his hand to hold it right, even as he protested. you lit it for him.

"don't take too big a hit."

"yeah, yeah, i get it."

he took too big a hit.

you made him hold his arms above his head as you fumbled for your water bottle, laughing hysterically at him. you gave his shell a few firm pats as he coughed his lungs out.

you honestly thought he might puke.

he didn't, though. asked to try again. and again.

"dude. you are so high," you snickered at him.

he bristled at you. did he realize how close your faces were? how your hands were on top of each other on the pipe?

you grinned all wide and found yourself lost in a laughing fit, and it was only egged on harder when you watched his face split into a grin.

"shut up," he hissed between giggles.

did he even know how cute he was?

"hey, pepper,"

"okay, knock it off. not my name."

you pouted. "but you're red and green!"

you reached for him and he planted a hand on your face, pushing you away.

"and so spicy," you cooed, yelping when he suddenly shoved you hard. you pouted, laying on the ground on your back.

"case'n point."

you sat in silence for a long minute. or, maybe only a few seconds. it was hard to tell.

"hey..." he broke the silence. "...do you think sensei's gonna be able to smell this shit on me?"

you rubbed your eyes. "oh yeah. one hundred percent."

"...wait, shit, really?"

[joelscruff]

one thing i'm missing (joel miller/reader) PART TWO

thank you so much for the love on the first part!! ♥ PART ONE | ao3 summary: you and joel accidentally end up falling asleep together, and what follows is the beginning of a quiet and tender relationship neither of you saw coming. rating: 18+ explicit (this part is not explicit but this fic will be) warnings: (for future parts) smut, age difference (reader is in her mid 20s and joel in his mid 50s), praise kink - will add more as fic progresses word count: about 3.9k

That whole day you'd kept waiting for Joel to mention it, say absolutely anything in allusion to what the two of you had shared that morning, but he didn't. And in turn, neither did you. It was like it had never happened; he didn't look at you differently or talk to you differently, which you guess in most ways you were grateful for. The last thing you wanted was for him to suddenly start acting like there was something weird going on, but there was something going on. The way he'd looked at you, the way his fingers had stroked the skin of your back, you knew it wasn't just nothing.

The only thing that had changed was Joel's stamina; after such a good sleep, he'd recovered greatly in just one night and now seemed to be able to travel further without as many stops. In just one day you'd all managed to double your travel time, which even managed to put a smile on Ellie's face.

“I'm glad you're feeling better,” she'd said to Joel that afternoon, beaming proudly at the miracle she'd helped him achieve, “It was weird not having you around for so long.”

He'd smiled back at her and your heart had stuttered at the familiarity of it, recalling the look he'd given you that morning, “I knew I'd be back,”he'd said it stiltedly, like he was talking in a foreign accent. You'd both stared at him in confusion and he'd sighed exasperatedly, “Terminator. Movie from the 80s.”

“Ohhh,” you and Ellie had both chorused, and he'd rolled his eyes.

You'd set up camp again that night and had hoped that Ellie's change in demeanour might warrant her sleeping closer to the fire, closer to you and Joel, but it didn't. In fact, she'd ended up setting down her sleeping bag even further away than the night before. You and Joel both acknowledged it but didn't say anything to her, not wanting to push her boundaries.

“I'm worried about her,” you'd said quietly when it was just the two of you.

“I know, me too,” he'd sighed, “Kept thinkin' that maybe tonight would be different – she was so normal today, wasn't she?”

“She was,” you agreed, “I thought the same thing.”

“Guess it's gonna take time,” he muttered, poking at the fire absentmindedly, “luckily we got no shortage of that, huh?” his eyes met yours and you felt that familiar flutter in the base of your stomach before he turned his attention back to the fire.

Joel took first watch. Neither of you had acknowledged the period of time in which you both slept last night, so by proxy Joel hadn't given you any shit for not waking him up for his turn. You set your sleeping bag up a few feet from the fire where he sat, painfully aware of the fact that he could see every move you made. You realized quickly that in your nervousness, or maybe because all you could think of was last night, you'd laid it wide and flat against the ground like it was a duvet. Like it wasn't just you sleeping under it tonight.

“You'll freeze like that,” he'd said quietly behind you, and you'd tried not to show the disappointment you felt was written all over your body language.

“Right,” you'd muttered, and zipped the bag back up, slipping inside of it and shutting your eyes tight once you were situated.

Of course he's not gonna get in with you, you idiot. It was a one-time thing. He's probably already forgotten it even happened.

You tried to sleep but failed miserably. Your thoughts wouldn't shut up, reminding you over and over again that Joel was right there, only a few feet away, and yet you couldn't have felt further away from him. You longed for the feeling of his arms around you again, that warmth you'd shared together, the feeling of his hot skin against the palm of your hand. You couldn't stop replaying that moment over and over, when he'd looked down at you and smiled so softly and tenderly, looked at you like you were the only person that existed to him.

You felt a gentle nudge to your shoulder and you opened your eyes to see Joel kneeling over you, extending the rifle toward your still form, “Sorry,” he'd said quietly, “it's your turn.”

“It's okay, I wasn't asleep,” you whispered, taking the rifle from him and sitting up.

His brow furrowed at your words but he didn't say anything else, just got up from his crouch and walked over to where he'd set up his blanket. You felt the urge to tell him he'd freeze, use his own words against him, but you knew it wouldn't achieve anything.

Your watch was uneventful, spent mostly throwing grass into the fire and watching the embers dance in the darkness. You couldn't get your mind to focus on anything else but Joel, who you periodically peered over at to make sure wasn't freezing to death. He was still, but the expression on his face was anything but peaceful and you very much doubted he was even asleep.

Around the time you knew you were supposed to alert him for his watch, you hesitated. A new thought had crossed your mind and you began to twist it around in your head, weighing the pros and cons. After a few moments of deep thought, you got up and walked over to Joel. He was shivering a little bit now, not much but it was obvious he wasn't comfortable.

Fuck it, you'd thought to yourself, then grabbed your sleeping bag and started to unzip it. Hearing the noise, Joel – who (you were right) was wide awake – opened his eyes and saw you standing there. You met his gaze but neither of you said anything. He'd watched as you carefully laid down beside him, not close enough that you were touching because you still weren't sure how he'd react, but so both of you were underneath the new layer of warmth together. You waited for him to tell you to move or for him to scramble out from under the material and start his watch, but he didn't. He just kept looking at you, expression unreadable. It was like an unspoken challenge, who would speak first, and you were both winning.

With one last look at him, you'd closed your eyes, willing yourself to believe that he would stay.

-

The sound of Joel snoring woke you up in the early hours of the morning, not because it was obnoxious but because it was directly in your ear. Your eyes snapped open and you realized you were now lying on your side facing the trees. You could feel him at your back, pressed into you solidly with his arms wrapped around your middle; he was spooning you.

Swallowing out of nervousness you looked down at his hands, curled around your midsection, and felt a hot pang of recognition as reality began to sink in; he hadn't gotten up for his watch, he'd stayed with you and fallen asleep. He'd wanted you there. You closed your eyes and found yourself choking back the sudden emotions you felt bubbling to the surface. Joel wanted you. He wanted you.

He snored again and you couldn't help but smile, feeling his warm breath at the nape of your neck, the tip of his nose bumping gently against the skin there. You could feel his beard against the top of your shoulder blade and you shivered unconsciously, leaning further back into his touch, feeling the hint of his lips brush against your skin. You closed your eyes and sighed contentedly, and seconds later you'd fallen back to sleep.

When you woke again, he was gone. You rolled over with a frown, searching for him, only to see both he and Ellie sitting at the fire eating breakfast. You looked down and realized that Joel had put his blanket back in his pack and wrapped your sleeping bag around you, making it seem like you'd slept by yourself all night. If he'd been alone at the fire you would have been confused, hurt, but seeing Ellie sitting there made it make sense; he didn't want her to know, and honestly neither did you.

You'd sat up and stretched, then extricated yourself from the sleeping bag and shuffled over to the two of them. Ellie hadn't said anything, bleary eyed and clearly still half asleep as she munched on whatever canned perishable they'd cooked up, but Joel had looked at you and graced you with a gorgeous half smile, eyes meeting yours.

“Mornin',” he'd said softly, “Sleep good?”

You'd smiled back and sat beside Ellie, reaching for a fork, “Really good, you?”

His eyes, dark and deep but shining in the morning sun, held your gaze as he replied, “Can't complain.”

After that, neither of you slept alone.

The following night, Joel had spread his blanket out on the ground and you'd wordlessly placed your sleeping bag on top of it; he didn't object. You both abandoned the idea of a second watch, confident that you were far enough away from any civilization that no one was going to sneak up on you in the night. After checking the perimeter and making sure Ellie was fast asleep, you'd crawled under the sleeping bag where Joel lay still and inched in beside him. You didn't make eye contact, nerves twisting inside your belly as you shuffled even closer to him and wound your arm around his torso, placing your head on his chest. In response, he'd tilted his head toward yours, nosing the crown of it and sighing contentedly, his hands coming up to trail gently along your back.

“Night,” you'd breathed, nuzzling into the warmth of his coat, focusing on the feeling of being held by him.

“G'night,” he'd murmured in response, and you'd both fallen asleep within minutes.

Every morning was the same in some ways but different in others. Sometimes he'd be spooning you from behind again, and you could always tell when he was awake versus when he was asleep by the way he nuzzled against you. When he was asleep he was uninhibited, mouth open against your skin and arms a dead weight around your body, solid and comfortable. When he was awake he was more reserved, keeping his face shrouded in your jacket instead of your neck, fingers consciously fluttering around your middle like he wasn't sure exactly what to do with them.

Admittedly you'd pretend to be asleep for longer periods so you could bask in the feeling of him holding you so close; whenever he realized you were awake he would always pull away, not out of embarrassment or regret but because he didn't want you to feel uncomfortable. This much was clear by the way he touched you when he thought you were asleep, so careful and gentle, soft and sweet. Like you were some precious thing he had to be extremely careful with or you'd break apart. He was never trying to get away from you, only trying to get you closer.

But neither of you said anything, never spoke a word about it to each other. It simply became a part of the routine. You weren't sure if there was some unspoken rule that talking about it would make it weird or make it go away, but you weren't going to risk it and neither was Joel. What happened at night and in the early mornings was just between the two of you, quiet and secret. Ellie was none the wiser; she was still keeping her distance at night and though you were still concerned about it, you had to admit that you were slightly thankful for her sudden desire for independence. Without it, you doubted you'd be waking up in Joel's embrace every morning.

Your favorite part of those mornings, of those moments, was when Joel would look at you. Somehow, though neither of you had spoken a word about what was going on, that one look he'd give you in the early hours when the sun was just barely cresting the trees was everything. His eyes would meet yours in a silent whisper, a cosmic spark that you could feel in your bones. They were so brown and so soft – you could remember first meeting him and being frightened by the coldness of his stare, laughable now. The man who looked at you now was kind and gentle, the aged lines that painted his face no longer seeming intimidating or such a big deal – he was a lot older than you, but so what? He'd blink slowly, no longer because he was tired but because he was so relaxed, and oftentimes his eyes would involuntarily close again and he'd fall back into a quiet and easy sleep.

You'd live in that brief moment for the rest of the day, holding the image at the front of your mind until you were back in his arms again. Rinse. Repeat. You still weren't sure what any of it meant to him, but you'd begun to realize what it meant to you; the mere thought of not having those moments anymore or losing whatever it was the two of you shared frightened you. You'd begun to need him so much more than you had before and you couldn't help but wonder if he was starting to feel that same need.

-

It had been about two weeks since the events with David. Joel was doing much better but still hadn't returned to his regular travel pace, leaving you all still hiking through the Colorado wilderness. You'd both had to make a pretty tough decision in regard to whether you'd travel by roads and through small abandoned communities or stick to the secluded safety of the forest. Arguably you'd get to your destination faster by road, but safety had become a much higher priority ever since Joel's close call, not to mention Ellie had obviously become extremely wary of other people. The last thing you needed was to run into another group – or worse, a cult like David's. Besides, sleeping deep in the forest meant less need for frequent watches, which meant more good sleeps for both you and Joel that kept you well rested and alert... among other things.

The sun had started setting when Ellie first saw the sign, running ahead with a wide eyed expression and extending her arm out to point to the faded wooden letters.

“'Evergreen Haven Hideaway'”, she read aloud “Come for a relaxing soak in our hot springs'” she turned around to look at you and Joel, a confused expression on her face, “What are hot springs?”

“Holy shit,” you'd muttered breathlessly, jogging forward a bit to catch up to Ellie and peer at the sign, “They're like natural outdoor baths, the water stays really warm even when it's cold outside.”

“Baths?” she'd looked at you incredulously, “Like we could actually get clean here?”

“Well, without soap we can't do much, but being submerged in water that's not gonna make us freeze to death sounds good to me.”

“Hold on,” Joel had caught up to you, expression serious, “Look at the other sign.”

Your eyes scanned ahead of you and you noticed another wooden sign that had fallen down into the dirt, half covered by plant growth: Cabins and Campground for All Ages.

“This ain't just a hot spring, it's a resort.”

Your face visibly fell and Ellie raised an eyebrow, “So?”

“So,” Joel sighed, looking around suspiciously as if he half expected to see someone emerge from the treeline, “That last place where everything went down, that was a resort too. Albeit much larger and not secluded, but still a resort.”

At the mention of David's compound, Ellie's expression changed, her eyes suddenly cold and hard. You watched as she clenched her left hand into a fist, then swiftly turned around to face away from you and Joel so you couldn't see her face.

“Nothing could be worse than that place,” she said stoically, evenly.

You and Joel looked at each other, sharing a glance that echoed the exact same sentiment: she wasn't going to take no for an answer, not anymore.

Sighing, Joel shook the rifle off his shoulder and checked the rounds. You pulled out your handgun and did the same thing, biting your lip. You were both running out of bullets, not to mention food, and you both knew that an opportunity like this to find some supplies wasn't going to come along again any time soon. Hearing the rattle of artillery, Ellie spun back around. Her cold expression was suddenly replaced with a wide smile when she saw what you were doing.

“Fuck yeah!” she said excitedly, slipping her backpack off and digging through it to find her gun, “Hot springs!”

“Hot springs,” you repeated with a smile, eyeing Joel.

He nodded but his expression was still serious, “Hot springs.”

[koibitogata]

hey hatchet!! hope youre doing okay, could i request some angsty romantic headcanons between ticci toby and a gn!reader? maybe like if they argue about toby's behavior and whatnot

hey there darling! i’m actually doing great, and i hope you are too! i absolutely love the sound of this request, so here we fucking go (disclaimer i am not an expert on his MULTITUDE of conditions, which practically make up his whole person atp)

arguments about Toby’s behavior are not uncommon.

Toby was born with multiple diseases and disorders; though he doesn’t know his own past, you figure that if his parents did even a little less for him, he would be way worse off than he is now. in fact, you’re pretty sure this is as good as it could get.

but oh, there are so many things you simply do not love about this man.

his CIPA (congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis) prevents him from feeling pain, and as such he has not felt pain since he was born. as such, completely lacking the concept of pain and never remembering that others are susceptible to it, he is often a little too rough with you, not just in bed. sometimes, he grabs you just a little too hard, and it gets to you.

you know he is as dense as he seems, but just in case, you hope hard that he never realizes you’re slowly becoming distant from him. you simply can’t do it, not with his roughness and lack of reverence on your body.

and oh, this is just scratching the surface of his behavioral issues.

Toby is also diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder). this is what you consider to be the worst part of his behavioral issues.

you had the misfortune of ending up as his favorite person (though in his defense there are not many others around him so his poor mentally ill brain pretty much has no choice).

you talk to the cashier at 7-11 for a millisecond too long? suddenly as you walk out, Toby is gone from where he was waiting for you and when you look back, the cashier’s gone too. but you know somewhere behind the store, the poor cashier’s blood is being spilled.

and even if you need just a small something from his fellow proxies, they’re not immune either.

though, you have to say, you prefer asking a random person instead.

because even though tim and brian may be punished by Toby, you feel like you are the one being punished the hardest.

he’ll give you the cold shoulder and guilt trip you and manipulate you.

it’s to the point you don’t think you know what a normal relationship feels like anymore. are boyfriends supposed to be loving? or are they supposed to scowl at you, go silent and cold the moment they notice you talking to someone else, even if it’s absolutely necessary?

and so you do the only thing you can do to rebel: argue.

you first start out gently, chiding him when he does something he’s not supposed to do. you correct him and explain to him why it’s wrong.

but you’re not sure if it goes through to him at all. you genuinely cannot tell, between his desperate apologies right after and the blatant repetition of his behavior.

for a while, it’d just been the apologies and repetition. though you disliked it, you soon came to realize that it was better than apologies, repetition and THEN arguments, guilt tripping and manipulation.

“why can’t you just love me for who i am? do you not love me after all? i was right all along. you’re desperate to get rid of me.”

and the truth is, you are.

[skyward-floored]

Imagine if at some point after finding out about his true heritage HDW Wars gets sick but with every sneeze he accidentally sneezes fire and no one can figure out how to stop it.

So I don't know if I want this to be how Zelda actually finds out but I couldn't resist writing this—

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"No no, seriously, don't go in there!" Mask says with an increasing amount of panic, moving to block Zelda's path to Link's tent. "He's like, uh, he's really sick! Like, like throwing up and coughing and sneezing on everything, it's super gross! You don't want to go in there!"

Zelda raises an eyebrow.

“Mask, I'm more then well-aquainted with 'super gross sickness', as you put it. It’ll take more then that to stop me from visiting Link.”

“But... you might get sick!” Mask quickly argues, and Zelda considers for a moment. Then she continues forward.

“That’s true. But I doubt five minutes to wish Link well and check up on him will hurt anything."

"W-well, he," Mask splutters as Zelda strides past, "he, he doesn't want to see you!"

"Oh, is that so?" Zelda asks a tad mischeviously. "Funny, a minute ago you said Proxi was busy and that Link was so sick he could barely speak. How is it that you know what he wants?"

"Uh... that was before he couldn't speak," Mask quickly adds, but Zelda merely strides around him, nearly to the entrance of Link's tent. "Wait wait wait!"

Zelda pauses with her hand on the flap, looking down at Mask, who's still trying to block her while sporting a very odd expression on his face.

"...Is anything I say going to keep you out?" he asks, sounding like he already knows the answer.

"I'm afraid not."

Mask grimaces.

"Well... alright. If he asks, tell him I tried, and don't say I didn't warn you," he mutters, and steps aside. "You might wanna watch your hair."

Zelda raises an eyebrow, but Mask doesn't elaborate, and she enters the tent.

The first thing she notices is the smell of smoke in the air, just thick enough to be noticeable upon entering. The small lantern lit on the table doesn’t seem big enough to make the tent smell as smoky as it does, but nothing else seems to be on fire, and her attention is quickly drawn to the cot in the corner.

Link looks miserable, curled up under a thin blanket, dressed in only his undertunic and pants, and shivering hard enough that Zelda can see it from where she stands. Tune is sitting next to him with a bucket at his feet, and the sailor looks just as worried as she feels.

Tune looks up as she walks in, startles, then turns a glare on Mask.

"Mask, you—"

"I know, I know. Look she has to find out eventually, why not now?" Mask huffs, crossing his arms.

"He didn't want her to find out like this, he wanted to actually tell her," Tune hisses, and Mask has the decency to look a bit guilty.

"Have me find out what, exactly?" Zelda interrupts, and Tune and Mask both look at her, strange expressions on their faces. Neither of them gets a chance to speak though, as Link suddenly groans, and screws his face up.

“...Uh oh.”

"Hit the deck!" Mask yelps, and Zelda has just enough time to wonder what in the name of the goddesses is going on before Link lets out a loud sneezing cough.

Which sends a small burst of flame straight across the tent.

Zelda jumps back in surprise, and Tune quickly grabs the bucket at his feet and splashes water on the part of her skirts that ended up catching the edge of Link’s flames.

Smoke drifts from Zelda's now-doused skirt, and Link groans, Tune gently patting him on the head.

Zelda stares.

“How on earth..?” she breathes, and Tune and Mask look up at her, then at each other. “Is he all right? Is this a curse? How is it that he’s breathing fire?”

“Sneezing fire, technically,” Mask corrects, and Tune elbows him.

“Look, it’s... it's a little hard to explain,” Tune says carefully, and Zelda crosses her arms, suspicions suddenly raised.

“Was this one of you two’s faults?”

“No! Of course not! Look, it’s just...” Tune says, obviously struggling, and Mask sighs and gestures to Link.

“Turns out his dad is Volga,” he says simply.

Zelda blinks.

“Link’s... father. Is Volga. The dragon knight.”

Mask and Tune nod.

“That’s the one,” Mask says.

A lot of odd things that’ve happened in the past month suddenly add up in Zelda's head, strange looks, awkward avoidances, the uncertain glint that sometimes appears in Link's eyes. Zelda had assumed most of that was because of her hiding Sheik's identity (and she does still feel guilty about that), but Volga being Link's father...

Zelda’s head spins, but she doesn’t have time to ask further questions, as Link drags his eyes open with a groan.

“Captain?” Tune asks, and Link looks at him, face haggard with exhaustion. His gaze drifts around the tent, pausing on Mask for a moment, then drifting past him and settling on Zelda. Link stares at her, startles, then pushes himself upward, raising a hand in a shaky salute before Mask shoves him back down.

“Your Highness,” he croaks, and Zelda winces at how painful his voice sounds.

“At ease Link, you don’t need to treat me like that,” she assures, almost wishing she was still in disguise as Sheik. Link was never so concerned with protocol around her then. “Especially not while you’re sick.”

“‘S just a cough,” he rasps, and Tune sighs.

“Yeah, a cough that’s making you sneeze fire. Not exactly ‘just’ a cough.”

Link hums in a croaky way, then he startles as he realizes just what Tune has said, and looks at Zelda. Blue eyes meet blue, and Zelda can practically see the thoughts running rampant through Link's head.

"Y-your Highness, I'm—"

"Link," Zelda interrupts, her voice gentle. "Tune and Mask already told me. You don't need to hide it."

She sees him swallow, and Tune pushes his head back down to his pillow, a little frown appearing on his face when Link barely resists.

"So you... know," Link whispers, closing his eyes with a small cough. The action sends some smoke puffing from his lips. "My father's... Volga."

"Yes," Zelda replies, the shock beginning to fade, but still present.

There's always been something a little different about Link, something that set him apart from the other soldiers. Zelda had always thought it was more due to being the Hero, or the piece of Triforce he held, not... being related to a dragon.

She brushes her thoughts aside. "I apologize. Mask did his best to keep me out."

"She's too stubborn," Mask huffs, crossing his arms.

Tune's face hitches up in a smile. "Zeldas always are."

Link looks slightly more at ease, but still uncertain, and his eyes drag open again, circles dark beneath them.

"Princess," he begins in a rasp, "I know... it isn't much, but I promise you I am loyal to the crown. Volga is still my enemy. I wasn't a... aware of his relation to me until very... recently."

"Link, I didn't come in here to question your loyalties," Zelda says, pulling a chair over and sitting by his bed. "And I'm not in the practice of judging others on the actions of their parents. I heard you were ill, and came to see how you were doing."

Link blinks at her, and Zelda reaches a cautious hand out to feel his forehead, wincing at the heat radiating off of it.

"You have quite the fever," she says as she looks over at Tune, and he nods, eyebrows pinching together in worry.

"I know. We're not really sure what to do for him. We were just treating it normally, but then he started the fire thing..." he trails off, and scratches the back of his neck.

"Impa's getting a book that has some information on dragons in it though, she's hoping it'll help," Mask adds, and Zelda hums, pulling her hand back from Link’s forehead. She’d wondered where Impa had gone off to.

"I take it she's aware of this information too then?"

Something flickers in Tune's gaze. "She is."

Link screws his face up again, and Zelda dodges the flames that come out when he sneezes this time, Mask splashing some water on the corner of the tent the flames try to lick at.

“Uh... I’ll get more water,” he says as he looks down at the empty bucket, and slips out of the tent. Zelda is left alone with Tune and Link, and Tune sighs, brushing some of Link’s hair out of his face.

Zelda watches them in silence for a moment, Link’s raspy breathing the only sound in the tent.

“I hate to pry, especially while you’re sick, Link, but... when did you learn of your father?” Zelda finally asks, voice soft. “You said it was recently. Did Volga tell you?”

“No. It was before Cia split time,” he whispers. “That day she ended up... talking to me alone. She told me about Volga.”

Anger on Link’s behalf rises up in Zelda as he coughs again, from ending up alone with their enemy, from hearing such sensitive information from Cia of all people, from becoming such a major player in this war at all... but she tampers it down, and meets his eyes, dull with sickness.

“I’m sorry,” Zelda says quietly.

Link lets out a raspy sigh, and closes his eyes again. “I’ve had some time to... come to terms with it.”

He lets out another abrupt sneeze, flames shooting across the tent, and another several accompany it, the fire brighter each time. Zelda leaps to her feet, but before the flames can cause any damage, Tune whips out the wind waker and blows them all out.

The sneezes seems to have taken what’s left of Link’s strength, and he curls up again, looking exhausted as Tune lets out a sigh of relief. The younger hero pulls the blanket over Link’s shoulders as he tucks the wind waker back in his pocket, and then he smiles a little apologetically at Zelda.

“I think he could use some more rest,” he says, and Zelda nods, dusting some ashes off her skirts. She’s likely going to smell of smoke for a while.

“Of course. I need to be on my way anyway,” she sighs, not looking forward to going back to her maps and strategies.

Zelda looks down at Link, eyes closed in exhaustion, shoulders faintly shivering, the smell of smoke and sickness about him, and she swallows.

“I hope you feel better soon, Link.”

“Thank you your highness,” Link whispers in response, and sighs, seeming to fall asleep moments later.

“...he’s quite sick, isn’t he?” Zelda says once she’s sure he’s asleep.

“He could be worse, but... yeah,” Tune says quietly, then smiles at her. “But Impa will be back later, and I bet she’ll have some information for us. Link’ll be fine.”

“I’m sure he will. He’s terribly resilient,” Zelda says with a small smile of her own. “Thank you for looking after him.”

Tune shrugs. “Somebody’s gotta stop him from setting the whole camp on fire.”

Zelda can’t help her chuckle at that, and Tune lets out a laugh of his own as he walks her out, pausing at the tent flap.

“Princess... would you keep all of this to yourself?” Tune asks her, a strange expression flitting across his face. “Link’s still struggling with it, and if the rest of the army knew...”

“I won’t say a word,” Zelda promises, and Tune relaxes a hair. “Only to Impa, or you and Mask.”

“Thank you,” Tune says gratefully.

Zelda takes his hand and gives it a squeeze. “You’re welcome, Tune. I’ll try and come back once Impa returns, maybe we can all discuss this together.”

Tune’s eyes do something funny again at the mention of Impa. “Maybe. See you, Zelda.”

Zelda says goodbye in return, and Tune slips back inside the tent, a puff of ash accompanying him.

She stands there for a few moments longer, thinking about Link and Volga, and Impa a little as well. She’s curious about what this all means for Link, being part dragon (whole dragon?), and what he’s doubtlessly been going through since he found out.

She wonders how Impa found out about all of this as well. Did Link tell her? Or Tune perhaps? Was Link concerned about what him being related to their enemy would mean? And how long has Impa known of the identity of Link’s father?

Zelda shakes her head, scattering her thoughts, and begins the walk back to her tent.

“So many questions,” she sighs to herself, and rubs some more ashes from her skirts.

As if this war weren’t already complicated enough.

[aishangotome]

Elbert Greetia: Mad Love Chapter 24

Mad Love Chapter 23

♡———♡

Alfons: --Ah, he's finally here.

Alfons: That child is now aiming for your life. How does that feel?

Jeffrey: Huh...?

With quiet footsteps, another shadow stretched into the dimly lit alley.

Alfons: Hey, Elbert?

Jeffrey: Master Elbert...?

Elbert: .................

As if to indicate his footsteps, Elbert emerges from the darkness—

In the corner of the narrow alley, several thugs are cowering and trembling.

Elbert: ...Good evening.

Jeffrey's eyes widen in fear at the chillingly dim voice, and he backs away.

Elbert: Why are you in London?

Elbert: I went to the mansion to see you and was surprised.

Elbert: You were so obsessed with the Greetia family, and then you suddenly disappeared from the mansion and cut off all contact.

Elbert: The other servants were worried about you.

Jeffrey: Th-There's a reason for that—

Elbert: A reason...?

Elbert: Were you trying to do something to Kate "again?"

Jeffrey: Wh-!? How did you—

Jeffrey gasps, as if to ask how Elbert knows that.

Elbert: The art dealer who came to the Greetia mansion was from Bernard & Co., and they are involved in shady business...

Elbert: I didn't think you would know about that.

Elbert: You said you were my proxy and connected with various people in society... so I guess that's where you got your information.

Jeffrey: Master Elbert, I have no idea what you're talking about—

Elbert: But... you didn't know until now that I was working in the "palace," did you?

Elbert: Jeffrey, I... can see what's happening in this darkness of England more than you can comprehend.

Jeffrey: ...

Jeffrey flinches at the cold killing intent, like venom dripping from fangs before prey.

Alfons: Oh my.

Jeffrey takes a step back, then another, his back bumping into Alfons.

Alfons: How passionate of you to jump into my chest like that.

Elbert: ... Al.

Alfons: Hehe, I know.

Alfons cut off Jeffrey's escape route, grabbing his shoulder with one hand.

Jeffrey: ...!?

Elbert: Don't let him go.

Alfons: The only paths left open to you are either to flee this place with all your might and live in the shadows like the dregs of society,

Alfons: Or perhaps, be killed here by him--

Alfons: Oh, that sounds tought.

Alfons: How about I show you a better dream?

With a smooth motion, he removed his leather gloves and Alfons reached for Jeffrey's nape.

Alfons: Look, Lord Elbert is crying because he's so sad to kill you.

Alfons: You love his sad face, don't you?

Alfons: Go to sleep in a happy dream.

Jeffrey: Ah... ah... Lord Elbert.

Elbert: ...Here, Jeffrey.

Jeffrey continues to walk, staring at an image that is different from reality.

To Elbert, who has a drawn sword in his hand.

With a cold expression without a shred of sadness, Elbert looks at Jeffrey approaching... and stabs Jeffrey in the chest without hesitation.

Elbert: --Goodbye.

Alfons: Hehe... How kind of you to say goodbye.

Without even looking at the body that collapsed easily, Elbert turns to Alfons.

Elbert: ...Where's Kate?

Alfons: She is locked up in a pitch-black warehouse ahead, waiting for her prince to come and rescue her.

Elbert: Why, in such a place...

Looking around at the surroundings, Elbert coughed quietly, as if convinced.

Elbert: ...Al, did you protect her?

Alfons: Sigh... Could you people please stop trusting me so much?

Alfons shrugged his shoulders in exasperation as he picked up the key and held it up.

Alfons: I just locked her up. She was in the way.

Alfons: If I hadn't run into Jeffrey, I would have left her behind.

Alfons: I figured you'd come running when you sensed something was wrong anyway.

Elbert: ......Al.

Alfons: Yes?

Elbert: I can tell when you're lying.

Alfons: Ha...

Elbert: Thank you for protecting her.

Elbert: ...I'm going to get her. Would you give me the key?

Alfons: ......

Elbert: ......Al?

Elbert tilts his head at Alfons, who for some reason will not give him the key.

Alfons: ......One wrong move and her heart would have been taken by Jeffrey.

Elbert: ......

Alfons distorts his lips as he senses the air around Elbert becoming disturbed.

Elbert: --I know.

Alfons: You haven't sorted out the nightmare you saw yet, have you?

Alfons: While you hesitate, afraid to hurt her with your own hands...

Alfons: Is it okay for someone else to take her heart?

Elbert: ......Al--!

Even though Elbert's expression doesn't change, Alfons doesn't miss the way he swallows his breath.

Alfons: If you hadn't come, I would have become the prince.

Alfons: Even now, if I don't give you this key...

Alfons: She's mine.

The air in the darkness becomes so tense that all sound disappears.

Elbert: --Al.

Alfons smiles with satisfaction as he sees the quiet killing intent in the deep blue of the sea.

Alfons: I'm joking.

He lets go of the key, and it falls into Elbert's hand.

Alfons: The warehouse is at the end of this road, to the left.

Elbert: ......Ah.

Alfons sees Elbert off as he runs and shifts his gaze to the silent corpse.

Alfons: I wonder if he's finally decided to let his desires run wild.

Alfons: I don't think this is enough to set him off.

The night wind blowing through the cobblestones carried away a small, lonely laugh.

-

--How long has it been since Alfons locked me up here?

Kate: ...Ouch.

I bump my head lightly against a protruding pillar as I search for a place to put myself.

In the dark, narrow room, I held my breath, filled with anxiety.

( ...The more time passes, the more restless I become.)

(I'm worried about Alfons' safety.)

(And... if Elbert finds out about this situation...)

The thought of him before he left, so worried about me, makes my chest ache.

(I don't want to make Elbert sad because of me.)

(But then, all the more reason not to go outside and risk danger.)

Alfons must have done this to keep me from getting hurt.

(The reason is probably... because Elbert would be sad if I got hurt.)

Then I shouldn't go out there and make any noise, I should just stay here and wait for Alfons to come back.

(The best thing to do now is to wait here for the night to pass... )

I clenched my fists and tried to suppress my anxiety, when--

Clank, the sound of a lock being released echoed in the darkness.

Kate: ---!

Before I could be overcome with anxiety, the door opened with a bang--

Elbert: Kate--?

My breath hitches at the sight of the dazzling gold that fills my eyes.

His blue eyes, strained to the point of breaking, held me captive.

Kate: --Elbert...

Elbert: Kate...

He stumbles towards me and hugs me so tightly that I can hardly breathe.

Kate: ...I'm sorry.

Elbert: ...Why are you apologizing?

Kate: I told you, "It's okay, don't worry," but I made you sad...

My chest aches at the thought of hurting Elbert again.

Elbert: ...Kate, don't apologize.

Elbert: It's not your fault--it's all my fault.

Elbert: Kate... I'm glad you're safe.

The arms that embrace me, as if pressing me tightly against his chest. The sorrow-tinged voice whispering in my ear. It's much like that first night, when he held me close to protect me from the sad scene— (But, compared to back then...) (So much... stronger... the strength of the arms embracing me, the intensity of the emotions I feel in his voice) My chest feels like it's going to burst, with the force of someone holding a precious treasure in their hands. Kate: I'm alright, Lord Elbert. Elbert: ...You're not alright. Elbert: Someone other than me tried to take your life-- Elbert: You were so close to slipping away from me. The back of my throat trembles with an unstable tone, as if driven by some intense impulse. Elbert: It was Jeffrey who was after you. Kate: ...!

Elbert: He sensed my intention to dismiss the servants in the mansion—and blamed you for it. Kate: What... what happened to him? Is Alfons alright? Elbert: Al is safe.—There's nothing for you to worry about anymore. (...This scent.) I faintly smell blood on his clothes. The freshness of it vividly tells me the reality of his crime. Elbert: It's all my fault Kate suffered like this, because I let Jeffrey run free. Elbert: —I won't let you suffer like this ever again. *flashback* Alfons: Lord Elbert will surely take the lives of many more people from now on. Alfons: To protect you, to keep you from being taken away, to keep you from being sad. Alfons: So that you can keep smiling.

Alfons: He would eliminate everything that threatened their happiness and try to get everything that would lead to their happiness. Alfons: His "greed" has no bottom. *flashback over* (Oh...) (Alfons is right.) Surely, our love for each other will only deepen his sins. (Even so—despite that) (I... still can't let go of this man.) Lord Elbert, who kills people with gentle hands and holds me close like a treasure, unwilling to let go. A surge of emotions wells up in my chest, and my eyes grow hot. Elbert: If you were to be taken by someone else, without my knowledge— Elbert: Just thinking about it... it drives me crazy. The emotions conveyed through his every word burn my chest with an almost scorching heat. (I wish I could erase all your anxieties.) (I'll do everything I can to not make you sad anymore.) My chest, feeling like a burnt ruin, throbs violently. Kate: ...It's alright. See? You can hear my heartbeat, right? Kate: It's all right here, in your hands, Lord Elbert. Elbert: ... I hug him back tighter, pressing my chest against his so he can feel my heartbeat. His lips tremble, as if hesitating to say something. Kate: ...Lord Elbert...?

Elbert fell silent, as if hesitating to speak, then coughed in a hoarse voice as if squeezing out the words.

Elbert: ..............I...

Elbert: I didn't want to show you a sad sight... that's why I left you.

Kate: .............

I felt like he was trying to convey his deepest feelings, so I listened intently to his words.

Elbert: I want to keep it that way... I want you to keep smiling.

Elbert: But... while I'm away from you--

Elbert stopped speaking again.

As if he was afraid that the words he was about to utter would hurt me deeply.

Kate: Lord Elbert...?

Wanting to dispel my anxiety, I urged him to continue, and Elbert opened his mouth as if he had made up his mind.

Elbert: While I'm away from you--

Elbert: --I want to lock you away and keep the key.

(......!)

His strained voice, as if suppressing an urge, makes my heart burn with longing.

Elbert: I've been hiding this feeling ever since before I left the castle.

Elbert: I just hurt you terribly by locking you away.

Elbert: It's insane that I want to repeat the same sin--You'll be scared. You'll leave me.

Elbert: But... I'm sure I--

Elbert: I'll hurt you again. I truly felt that just now.

(Elbert...)

I've always known that he had a suppressed urge in his heart.

I realize that he finally put it into words and told me.

I also understand the reason why Elbert suppressed that urge.

Elbert: Kate...

Elbert: Would I... just by being near you, make you sad?

Kate: ......

That question was surely the heart of the gaping hole in Elbert's heart.

"Just by being near someone, I make them sad."

"I corner them, hurt them, take their lives."

That is the very sin he has been carrying.

(... I)

(Elbert's wound, this sin, this hole)

(I feel like I met this person to embrace them)

Kate: I can't say that there won't be any sad times ahead, being by your side...

Elbert: ...Kate.

Kate: Please hear me out.

Kate: But even so, I want to be by your side.

Kate: I was happy that you tried to distance me to protect my heart.

Kate: I was happy that you were selfish and said you wanted to protect me yourself.

Kate: Now... you said you wanted to lock me away rather than have me fall into someone else's hands without you knowing...

Kate: ...and I thought that would be okay.

Elbert: ...

Kate: Because I want you to smile.

Kate: When you're happy, I want to laugh with you... and when you're sad, I want to be there for you.

Kate: If I can do that, I'll gladly lock your door from the inside.

My love, the happiness of loving each other, I want you to seek it all as much as you desire.

If I could fill the empty hole in your heart with all the love I have, and fulfill it...

Elbert: .....Kate.

Called by name in a hushed voice, I am embraced tightly against his chest once more.

Even this pain is unbearably precious, and my heart trembles.

Elbert: ...If this is a dream,

Elbert: I never want to wake up.

Kate: It's not a dream.

Elbert: I don't know. Maybe my mind has finally gone mad.

Elbert's eyes, filled with unease, capture me.

Elbert: ...Let me confirm it.

Elbert: Let me touch you more.

.

.

.

.

.

Mad Love Chapter 24 Premium Story

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[piracytheorist]

Episode 36 reactions!

I don't think one single minute passed this episode without me bursting out in laughter XD

I will get what interesting details I can, though! And here we have soap opera male character who has a Betrothed in the West. Interesting! Why did they separate, and how did she end up in Westalis, or he in Ostania? Did she defect and is waiting for him to join her? I need the full context, Berlint in Love!

Looks like one of the things that make Becky rush to be a grown-up is how she can't wait to have romantic feelings and relationships. Gurl, you're six. Pick up a doll or a ball.

The way the next scene was shown (hilarious) it looks like it was Anya who first picked up the phone, and didn't even make a sound before Becky started off her rant. Picking up the phone as a kid is quite a responsibility!

The music suddenly went full humor shoujo there XD

I love how Martha is already onto Becky.

She's like "Yo maybe reel it in a little"

The way all three of them are in completely different wavelengths is hilarious. I guess Twilight, the honey-trap master, sees Becky as the girl she is and cannot imagine she'd ever have such passionate imaginings with him.

The hell, though. I've met my favourite actor from up close in a convention and that was pretty much my reaction while being close to him. I feel Becky but someone needs to tell her of this thing called parasocial relationship--

WHAAAAAT

I had my eyes glued to the screen for this. It's definitely not surprising that the Blackbells would hire such an experienced bodyguard for Becky, but it's very interesting how it was pointed out to us! I wonder what we'll get to see next with her! (reminder: anime only!)

Becky really thinks she lives in a shoujo story doesn't she XD

I mean, Anya thinks she lives in a Spy Wars story so it's not that surprising XD

I love how in the "new" family photo Wiesel is added in front of Bond!

This episode is full chaos and I love it.

Seriously, the way Anya's powers work for her character is amazing. Usually, we'd get to see those imaginings even if she didn't have telepathy. But since she can see them with us, she gets a fair place as - almost - an audience proxy. And I mean, yeah, why wouldn't Anya be excited at the idea of super tasty food all of the time (even when papa is super busy), not having to do chores, and having fun family outings all of the time?

Completely different wavelengths, I tell you. How does this show make me love misunderstandings XD

And then a fourth wavelength is added and it's just! You don't know where to begin!

Poor Bond was heartbroken that Becky didn't notice him! Poor boy!

I find it really funny that this episode happened now, just a little after we got heavy hints that Loid is falling hard for Yor, and Becky is still like "I will win his heart with my six-year-old charm!"

If you count Bond dealing with getting rejected, that's five different wavelengths in one single screencap. No-one knows what's going on, not even Anya the telepath or Twilight the master spy.

Those are not the family teacups! Interesting choice. Also Becky's face, yeah that's exactly how I was when approaching my favourite actor for my photo shoot with him. I was smiling from one ear to the other, though XD

Also, I remember getting sent manga screencaps with Loid in such a cardigan! And I guessed right that it would be a beige one! I mean, it's a pretty common colour for a grandpapa cardigan, but has he maybe worn this before?

I wonder how he'd react and adapt if he knew Becky is having a crush on him. Like, what would he do? He'd definitely avoid anything inappropriate for all the obvious reasons, but here he's trying to pull back because he thinks Becky is getting suspicious of him XD

Send this to a friend without context and ask them to guess what the actual fuck is going on here. This is Misunderstandings: the Right-Before-Holidays Special.

Pure Chaos and it just

keeps

going.

This is exactly what I signed up for when I watched the very first episodes and was like "please tell me the entire show is like this"

Poor Yor, though. Her very first instinct was to blame herself and think of herself as incompetent. I guess old habits die hard.

Simp alert.

YEAH DEFINITELY NOT SCREAMING AT THIS

Seriously, though! She remembers what he told her there (though, weren't they supposed to repeat the conversation the next day?) and I hope she remembers how vulnerable he made himself with her.

OH BOI I DON'T SHIP OFTEN BUT WHEN I SHIP. I SHIP.

LOID BROUGHT YOR'S COAT WITH! MY GOD!

I mean! This isn't supposed to be a twiyor-centric episode and yet!

BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T RICH AS A KID AND THEN YOUR CHILDHOOD WAS VIOLENTLY RIPPED AWAY FROM YOU 😭😭

If you thought I wouldn't grab even this opportunity to make this angsty, well, you were wrong

The highest prize in the hammer competition thingy is... a q-tip?

We stan. Everything for the ultimate q-tip.

Becky sees Loid's ._. face and she's like

The way he said that "Yoru-san" there, though! This was the cherry on top of this entire hilarious part!

It was weird to see there was an entire small part on Nightfall, considering we haven't seen her in the entire season. However.

WHO THE FUCK IS THIS. WHY IS HE WATCHING THEM LIKE THAT.

(again, anime only here)

And I'm like, whoa. That's a very suspicious guy thrown in the middle of a filler part (I was told this is anime original) and not shown again. Since the next episode is the last of the season, I assume we'll see him again in that one?

I remember that in episode 20, when Loid is in the hospital, we see a moment from afar with a moving shadow, like someone was watching them. I noticed it on a rewatch and up until now I thought that was Nightfall. But now?

Seriously, though, are they not noticing him??

What he doin

I love how Handler said she doesn't want to overwork her agents... I wonder if she says anything relevant in the manga but I dare not look into the chapter after the one with Becky XD I'm guessing she actually took to heart the reprimand from HQ to be more lax with her agents.

Nightfall shows an almost audacious level of self-confidence in front of her boss... and Handler doesn't deny it. She trusts her and actually thinks the same - that Nightfall is probably the only one capable of handling Twilight's missions.

Anyway, Nightfall is going all "Senpai will notice me" and I'm like

ADDITIONAL CRUISE FOOTAGE???? 👀👀👀👌👌

Another hopeless suitor, Nightfall goes like "Did you spot any flaws in that Briar woman yet or" having no idea he was looking at Yor like the yearning simp he is <3

Nightfall being all "Pick me. Choose me. Love me." and then Twilight is like "Wow she did all of that hard job while I was gone. Guess she deserves the leftover souvenirs."

Like. I'm crying laughing over this. He didn't even think about getting a souvenir for her, not even as a cover. Nightfall couldn't be more hopeless.

And then she gives him that look

And the little hope she didn't even have is thrown out the window.

I love how Twilight turns around in shock and goes like "Why is glaring at me like that?!" because you idiot you gave her "leftovers"

Like I know he thinks they're not supposed to actually connect as friends but still. For a master spy he's so dense XD

They do kinda make you feel bad for her, though. She is trying really hard, and it would be hypocritical to blame her social awkwardness when we're here shipping Mr. Emotional Constipation and Ms. Naivete Personified. She would have actually been sympathetic if she wasn't so aggressive towards Yor (and in her mind, Anya too).

Anyway. Very funny and unhinged episode but there's only ONE EPISODE LEFT. I'M NOT READY FOR THE HIATUS 😭😭

[captn-trex]

technical devotion, part two: boundaries

content warnings: none :)

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Kan had been at the rebel compound for a week, and she was itching for more exciting prospects to come about. Thus far, she had only really worked on small projects, specific things that needed fixing like comms and datapads, and she hoped that soon her expertise could be used to its full potential. She was still grateful to be in the position she was, and was pleased to be helping at all in the first place.

She had acquainted herself with Rex and Gregor the most, and Echo by proxy, though he didn't go out of his way to talk to her at all. She found Gregor to be extremely fun and charming, and Rex was very personable as well. She hadn't really talked to many of the clones apart from them, as she often kept to herself, holing up in her ‘office’ until it was time to eat or sleep. Though, that was nothing new, she had always operated like that.

Echo was still trying to become acclimatised to the addition of this new woman to his small circle of brothers he considered to be close to him. He didn't mind Kan's presence, but it still made him uneasy, and he often didn't know what to say to her, particularly around his brothers. He ended up keeping to himself more than he usually would. She would always greet him with a smile and he was polite and acknowledged her presence, but didn't stretch their interactions much beyond that.

Echo was on his way back to the barracks for the night, passing by the door to Kan's office, as he heard a distinct “Ouch” hissed from behind it. His curiosity got the better of him, and he knocked firmly on the door a few times.

“Come in” Kan's voice called, an irritated edge to it.

Echo opened the door, taking in the sight. The room was still a mess, piles of junk and both unusable and salvageable spare parts strewn about the place, and Kan was sat on the chair at the centre of it. She was slumped back, her spine curled up and her boot heels hanging on to the edge of the seat, the only thing stopping her from slipping off. She was fiddling with a small component in her hands, her eyes focused and eyebrows furrowed from behind a pair of large round glasses.

“Everything alright?” He said, addressing the cry of pain he had heard moments before.

“Oh, Echo, hi” Kan looked up and pushed the glasses onto her head, sitting up straighter, “Yeah, this is just a bit fiddly, it keeps- ow!” She shook out her hand and looked to him sheepishly, “Pinching me”

Echo had to supress a smile, “Alright, I'll leave you to it then” He spoke, his hand on the doorframe as he moved away.

“Wait!” Kan shouted out suddenly, and he pushed himself back into the doorway with a slight raise of his brow, “Sorry, I just wanted to run something by you, one minute”

Echo stayed silent as Kan knelt down, rummaging through various piles.

“Where is it?” She said under her breath, looking around and moving to another pile. She took a wad of tangled wires and threw them behind her, and Echo almost winced at the heavy thud as they smacked into the far wall.

“Ah, here it is” She pulled out a datapad and expertly navigated her way through the mess and over to Echo, “I drew this up for you. It's just the basic idea, but I was wondering if it would be something you were interested in”

Echo was certainly intrigued by her words, but his heart fell from his chest as he took the datapad from her and looked at what was on it. It was blueprints for some sort of attachment for his scomp arm, so that he would have a hand where his real flesh one used to be.

Kan watched Echo's reaction with worry, and felt the need to explain herself as he stared at her plans with a blank expression.

“Sorry it's a bit crude, I’ve never been the best at drawing” She spoke nervously, and she saw Echo's throat bob as he swallowed hard. “You'd still be able to use your scomp of course, it's just an attachment, but you'd be able to use it like a real hand” She continued, feeling herself rambling, her words falling over each other in her hurried speech.

Echo said nothing, and handed the datapad back to her, turning and walking away from her swiftly. Kan's cheeks flushed a good few shades deeper. She felt so embarrassed.

Kan slumped into the mess late the next morning, her head feeling heavy with her lack of sleep. She had remained in her office long past her usual bed time, finding anything she could to fix up so as to keep her mind from the mortification of Echo ignoring her simple act of compassion. She had only wished to try to connect with him in some way, and she had tried the only way she knew how; through her work.

When she had retired to the barracks, everybody was already asleep, and the sun had already begun to cast a gentle blue light through the windows. She had slid into her sheets, thankful for the sleeping form of Echo in the bunk next to her, and had finally allowed sleep to take her. Little did she know, Echo's nights were almost always sleepless, and he had heard her come in at the early hour of the morning.

“You look rough” Rex commented, taking a sip of caf.

“Why thank you” Kan joked, taking her seat opposite the clones but making sure to sit further away from Echo than she usually did.

“Bad night's sleep?”

“Mhm. Something like that”

Echo watched her slow and tired movements with intrigue, wondering what had kept her up so long the night before. She hadn't gotten any food, and instead poured herself a large cup of caf, taking a sizable gulp of it and then staring down into the brown liquid.

“There's something I was wondering about” Rex stated, gaining Kan’s attention once more, “Do you think you would you be able to build a device that would allow us to intercept long range comms? We have satellites and other technology that connects us to the wider galaxy, but having something like that could really give us an edge in the operation we're running here”

Kan's eyes lit up at the prospect of it, “Yeah I'm sure I could drum that up pretty easily”

“Really? I wasn’t sure if it was a big ask or not”

“No, its simple really, it will just take me a bit of time and fiddling about with satellite reception. All I will need is parts, but now I think of it, there's definitely a number of things I'll need already in my room”

“Okay that's good then, let me know the parts you don't have and I'll see what I can find”

Echo finished his food shortly after the conversation came to a lull, and left the table without saying a word. Kan let out a deep sigh as she watched him leave, which Rex took notice of.

“Do you know if there’s a particular reason why Echo doesn’t like me?”

“Oh, I’m sure he does, he’s just a bit weary of new people” Rex replied sincerely.

“Right” Kan took another large sip of her caf with furrowed brows, “I tried to show him my designs for a hand attachment for his scomp arm but he just… didn’t say anything”

“Oh” Rex said quietly, and Gregor sucked a harsh breath between his teeth.

“What is it?” She asked hurriedly.

“Well, I won’t say why, because I’m sure Echo wouldn’t appreciate it, but he doesn’t really like to talk about the parts of him that are… mechanical. The reason he has them… it’s not exactly a happy story”

“Oh no” Kan brought a hand to her mouth as she realised, “I complimented him on it almost immediately after we met, maker I’m so foolish”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know” Rex assured her, “Echo’s very professional, he’ll move on from it if you just forget about it”

Kan nodded, “Okay, I will”

Echo walked into the mess for dinner and got his food, taking a seat at his usual table. All day, him and Rex had been trying to work out the kinks of an upcoming mission, but there were many factors they had to take onto consideration, and so it was looking less and less likely that it was going to be happening any time soon.

Rex and Gregor joined Echo shortly, and they settled into their usual light conversation, trying to keep the more heavy topics for the command room. As dinner drew on, Kan didn't appear, just as she hadn't at lunch time, and Echo couldn't help but wonder why.

Then later as Echo sat down on his bunk, and the one next to him remained empty, he couldn't help the nagging feeling that he should go and see if she was alright. His feet carried him to her door, and he knocked on it once more, hearing a surprised yelp from behind it.

“One moment!” The door whizzed open a second later and Kan was standing right in front of him. He instinctively stepped back. “Echo!” She smiled, “What brings you here?”

“You weren’t at lunch or dinner, I was just checking you were still alive in here” Echo looked around the messy room, it seemed to somehow be a lot messier than it had been when she arrived.

“Oh yeah, I’ve just been pretty focused today” She admitted.

Echo nodded and left, but not before feeling Kan grab onto his arm lightly, “Wait!”. He looked down at the hand on his arm and then back up to her face.

“Sorry” Kan retracted her hand, “I just wanted to apologise for yesterday, I didn’t mean to overstep any boundaries”

Echo just took a deep breath, “It’s fine”

“Are you sure?” She looked at him with such intent, and he could see that she really wanted to be forgiven.

“Don’t worry about it” Echo gave her a small smile, and Kan cracked her own grin.

“Okay” She stepped back, and Echo remained in the doorway, “I just finished this, do you want to see if it works?”

“What is it?” He leaned inside, looking for a place to put his feet.

“The long range comms… interceptor, or whatever Rex called it”

“You’ve finished it already?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Well… yeah” She grinned, and Echo smiled a little again as he stepped in.

“Sorry it’s so messy in here” She said as she lead him through the mess, “Please, sit down”

As Kan crouched and began fiddling with the device, tuning it with headphones on, Echo really looked at her for the first time, taking in her features. He noticed the straightness of her brows, the soft curve of her jaw, the slight bump in the bridge of her nose, the way her jet black hair made her olive green skin stand out in the most brilliant way and how the beaded pieces at the front framed her face perfectly. He also dragged his eyes along the scar that stretched across her collarbones, silently wondering how she got such a significant injury.

The device crackled to life, and as Kan looked up to him with a smile he noticed the dark green colour of her eyes.

“Here” She passed him the headphones and he took them from her as her face fell, “Oh I’m sorr-”

“Don’t be” Echo said flatly, and took off his headgear that wrapped around the back of his head.

Kan looked at the piece in awe as Echo placed it down on the desk, very interested in its functionality and inner workings. Echo put the headphones on and listened through them, hearing some chatter.

“Where is this coming from?” He asked, noticing her staring at his head piece.

“Oh! um, looks like it’s between Ryloth and… somewhere in the expansion region, Shili sector maybe” She said, looking to the display on the device.

Echo nodded, listening in to the voices. It was nothing particularly interesting, seemingly just shipping information. He looked up and noticed her staring at his headpiece again, and he smiled faintly at her wonder. He picked it up and handed it to her.

“Are you sure, I don’t want to-”

“Take it” He said softly, and she took it from him slowly, being very gentle and looking over it in awe.

Echo felt his heart swell at someone being so genuinely interested in it rather than confused or disgusted.

“This is really rather amazing, I might have to get one” She smiled up at him, earning one back in return.

Echo handed the headphones back, and Kan swapped them for his headpiece, which he put back in its place. Echo stood up and made his way back to the door. Turning around, he saw that Kan was sat cross-legged in front of the device, tuning it again.

“You should get some sleep”

She looked up to him, mouth hanging open a little, “I’m just going to see if I can find anything interesting before I turn in”

“Alright” He went to leave, stopped again by Kan calling out.

“Echo” She said softly, and he turned back, “Thanks for checking on me”

Echo just nodded in reply and left.

He couldn't help but find Kan’s words and actions completely endearing. She was so gentle with his head attachment, as if it was a real living breathing thing. He could do without her mess, preferring a tidy and organised workspace himself, but he felt that it somehow suited her, and for that he didn't mind it too much. He could feel himself warming to her presence already, and he bit back a smile as he entered the barracks for the night.

[crushedsweets]

What’s something you want to talk about creeps wise but you’ve talked about it so much it will get repetitive I need another one of your talks it’s like drugs

anon i think youve asked me this before and it was literally my favorite ask and i was(and still am) so excited to answer it because i love being given the opportunity to just talk and talk and talk but everytime i come to answer you.... I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY. HAHAHA. so im just gonna say stuff and see where my train of thought goes

i really want to start expanding on dina/zalgo's role in the story, cuz as of right now its sorta just... zalgo wants to leave the forest, all his proxies have been major failures, but now. now. suddenly, he infects dina, and she listens. and she fucking hates everyone in that forest so much. so finally, after all this time, he's got a "proxy" - and shes pretty strong LOL . she only listens cuz she wants to kill lazari and everyone who protects her though, and in her completely foggy mind, she believes zalgo is god. and she is a very religious girl

hmmm... ummm.... what else............

i wanna get better at expanding on different relationships. i keep sticking with the creepjects (toby, nina, nat, kate, and sometimes jack) but i wanna mix it up more.

a trio i used to have in my AU was kate, lulu, and ann! i think i should revisit that. i mostly did it cuz the mine(where kate is) and the hospital(where lulu/ann are) are very close to eachother but its still canon(to my au) that kate is largely in charge of the hospital, cuz the guys hate seeing lulu/ann. they creep them out like crazy

UMMMM.... i think ive touched on it a few times but its been a while. slendermans body is hooked on stalagmites in the mines. he's practically melting into this pond of tar and coal. breathing in the fumes results in slender sickness, which is why the mine/forest got blocked off by the govt way back in the day. its REALLY fucking powerful and theyre all very lucky slendy just wants to return to hibernation. he is OP. LOL

the tar and coal is the main thing the proxies use for...well, proxy work. they'll get jugs full of the tar and bring it to the cabin to use as ink for pages. they'll mine out a ton of coal and crush it up and put it into pill capsules.

for the pages, they stick them around the forest. it acts as a sort of barrier trapping all the paranormal stuff inside the forest. the only things that can get in and out are ghosts, but the undead/demons/etc are trapped! unless enough pages get torn down . . . which is why slendy/the proxies are so pissy about pages

as for the coal, while they all take medication for different things (usually illegally attained), these pills are what keeps their slender symptoms down. which sucks cuz the pills are also what makes them worse. you can eventually get off of them, but it's some of the worst fucking withdrawal symptoms ever

when natalie got the operator sickness, toby gave her these pills to soothe the pain and everything - and he was so excited cuz he thought she was so badass and he couldn't wait to have her on the proxy team. only to find out slenderman didnt want another proxy, he was satisfied with his four. overtime, her symptoms lessened and she was left alone by slenderman. the proxies were pissed for different reasons (toby wanted her to work with him, tim/brian were envious that she got to escape, kate....didnt care actually). everytime clocky sees kate/toby having a slender episode, she is so beyond grateful slendy didnt want her

ok i need to stop cuz i said i'd do homework after answering some asks omg

[snicker-dooodless]

Just saw that you were a Billy Kid enjoyer too. Pleased to meet you. I am also screaming at the lack of Billy Kid fics on AO3, but I'm also not a writer, though I do have a thousand ideas of what could be done with him, and here on tumblr there's someone taking asks about Billy angst ideas stories, he doesn't post them on AO3 but maybe one day he will, though he's currently a bit occupied with school so we shall not rush him. I legit ate up and finished chapter 4 in literally one day, had wednesday off so I took the time to take a hundred pictures of it, then spent an hour looking through the history of my album because I took another hundred pictures on top of those so I had to go fish up my Billy pictures and lore of him, and currently I am legit indecisive to see if I should try to pull for Caesar to maybe get more Billy content (did you know her robot hand is actually a spare of Billy's? I legit cried when learning of it, you need to have her and then she suddently shows up at the Ballet Twins and tells you this and I'm like where are the freaking screenshots of it people I want to see it but well I can't so I had to take people's words for it) or wait for maybe Lighter (maybe other Billy content since he is Billy's successor as Champion and he is interested in having a rematch with him) and/or my queen Miyabi. Still I hope that one day we get even more Billy content, it felt really weird but also really neat to see him without the rest of the Cunning Hares, wish he had a bit more interactions with the rest of the Sons outside of Caesar and Lighter but oh well I'll take what I can. If you wanna talk about Billy feel free to flood my ask box about him and we'll talk about him, I also don't mind hearing about your headcanons about him either. ^^

Yippee! Another person to ramble on about Billy too! I’m collecting you people like pokemon cards oh my lord

But yes!!! I did know about Ceasar’s hand thing! I also have a BUNCH of screenshots with some bit of Billy kid lore lol

I kinda pulled Ceasar for this exact reason to get Billy’s lore lol (also I just like imagining how she and my sona would interact since ya know, she’s technically Billy’s older sister and she’s also interested in romance stuff so I just like to think lol)

Also I’m gonna pull for lighter when he becomes an option too lol. Probably not gonna use him on my team, I like my team as it is already (Billy, Ceasar, and Qingyi) but I neeeed the drama and lore and relationship between those two so bad!!!!

I’m also hoping that we get an agent story with him since they keep on dropping bits of lore for him here and there so I’m pretty sure they are soon. Hopefully! Cross your fingers! He just has SO much story that we don’t know about yet! In his agent description it says he has memory loss????

He has so much secrets! Why isn’t game theory on this man yet???

Some of my headcanons for him is that he’s MUCG stronger than he looks. First of all he’s one of the Sons of Colydons champions along with lighter, so clearly he’s pretty tough. But I like to think that he’s hiding all his toughness behind his goofiness. Not to say his goofiness is fake! But in one of his trust events where you go into hollow zero with him, bandits threaten him and he just plays it off, joking along, acting stupid. But then the bandits threaten eous/the proxy, and Billy suddenly gets SUPER threatening. It made me giggle and kick my feet and blush lol.

Anyway- sorry for the rambling lol!