#me not elaborating on this: ive connected something...

[todayisafridaynight]

def made a post bout this before but Heaven Knows Im Not Hunting For It anyway how public. yall think sawashiro was once aoki became governor right.... like do we know what im asking rn.......

[project-sekai-facts]

Ive seen you mention that a seiyuu in the wondershow connect live (i think it was tokishun) broke character before, and I was wondering if you could elaborate on it, that sounds hilarious

It was Tokishun in one of the MCs. Everyone was taking turns saying wonderhoy, and then Rui said it backwards and told everyone that if they reverse the footage then he'll being saying wonderhoy instead of total gibberish, thereby breaking the 4th wall. it's also the reason why this clip was uploaded to the official twitter when usually they don't post anything from the lives due to it being paid content.

if you listen at the very end of the video as well Tokishun actually breaks character and Rui's voice changes lmao (also you can hear Daichan mumbling something after Rui says the backwards wonderhoy but I can't tell if it's in-character or not because it's too quiet for me to properly make out).

[underground-secret]

The Hunter and the Witch~ Dean Winchester x f!reader

Description: The aftermath of injury leads to a desire for comfort.

Warning: Mentions of injury, hospitals, probably incorrect info on concussions, mentions of alleged abuse (like for a second but not in great detail), fluff. P.S: Idc if reader is coming off a little childish in the beginning, i said it before and i’ll say it again reader is honestly almost completely based off of me and something about me is that i hate hospitals. I’m a chronically ill girlie and i still despise them, every time ive had to go ive complained—it’s who i am as a person.

Tag list: @jesllianaquilesrolonsworld , @okayiamkassandra , @fablesrose , @ada--44 @bonkydarnes , @star-yawnznn

Word count: about 2k

Rest

(Master list, Prev Ch, Next Chapter)

“So where to next?” I ask as I buckle my seat, allowing my head to rest finally. I am more than happy to leave behind this apple-loving, pagan-worshiping town.

“‘Bringin’ you to a hospital” Dean answers, starting the car. I jolted up, immediately regretting the action as the pain in my head spiked and my vision wobbled. “Nooo. No. No hospital” I plead, not caring if I sounded pathetic, “I hate hospitals!”

“I wasn’t asking if you wanted to go, sweetheart” he quips. “No, please! I’m totally fine, sure I'm a little beat up but nothing a bandaid and sleep can’t fix.”

“You’re not winnin’ this one” he replies with a little half shrug. I turned to Sam, who already had the map out, and pulled open. “Sam, help me.”

“Sorry Y/N, Deans right.”

Dean sighs dramatically, “I love bein’ right.”

“Shut up” Sam half laughs, “Seriously though Y/N, you probably have a concussion. You should get checked out for a definitive answer.”

“Okay, well, Dean he was hit over the head with a gun too.” I try and deflect. Sam turns his head to face me giving me a “really?” look, “He’s also walking and talking fine, and doesn't look like he’s fighting to keep his eyes open.” I thought I was talking and walking just fine despite feeling like everything was spinning and I was doing a wonderful job of ignoring the ringing in my ears.

I open my mouth to make another retort but I don’t get a single sound out before Dean cuts me off, “If you try any of your escapes I'm callin’ your brother.” That shuts me up, I love my brother but he's very protective and will yell at me if it means being safe. I lean back against the soft seats of the car, pouting, I hate hospitals. I catch Dean's eyes staring at my lips in the rearview mirror, “You can pout as much as you want to, ‘still going.”

I know I'm acting like a child but hospitals are the worst, sure the doctors can be nice but there's so much always going on that it's just too overwhelming and they poke and prod at you. And especially as a hunter, you must make such elaborate lies just to be seen.

The dark-haired doctor removes the small yet extremely bright light from my eyes, “You have a minor concussion” she concluded after the many tests she ran, “there's not much we can prescribe you. But you need a lot of rest and to relax, no drinking or crazy activities for at least a week. You can take Advil in 24 hours if the pain is too much.” If the boys were in this curtained-off room they would most certainly say ‘I told you so.’

She suddenly looks a little nervous, staring back at the curtain before looking at me again, speaking quietly, “This is a safe environment, if those boys are hurting you I can help you.” Her eyes slipped to my wrist, of course she saw the bruises and made the connection to restraints. And so much of my appearance from the now cleaned and bandaged wound on my head to my dirt-stained clothes would lead her to that thought.

I tug down my sleeves, trying to cover them, “No! No, they didn't do anything, they would never do that to me, seriously” I insist, eyes wide. She doesn't seem so convinced, “Look” I sigh, “The person who did this is being charged, alright the cops know about all this. The boys I came with did not do this.” It was mostly a lie, of course, but the point was to clear their names, that part was true. She nods, “I’ll be back with your discharge papers.”

She pulls back the curtains, and the second she's out of sight I sigh. I know it's her job but in this case it wasn't helpful, I didn't want any further fights or complications to go on today.

….

I hold a hand up, “I don't want to hear it. Yes, you were right.” Sam’s lips curve up into a smile, “Hey I said I don't wanna hear it” I cut them both off before they could say anything. Dean swings his arm around my shoulder pulling me into his side, “Like I said, ‘love bein’ right.”

It was still early afternoon when we pulled up to the motel. It was just your regular-looking motel, with two floors of rooms to choose from with dingy lighting but I could not be more happy. We all exited the car rather quickly, it had been a long couple of days. I grab my bag meeting the boys by the trunk, Dean distributing our duffle bags. But when he gets to mine he doesn't hand it over, just closes the trunk, “I can carry my own bag, you know.”

He shrugs, “I know.” God, he was a sweetie pie. I study him as he walks just a few steps ahead of me, after everything that transpired I don't think I want to be alone. I wasn't scared per se, I just wanted comfort and I didn't have any stuffed animals packed. I didn't want to be a burden to him, he was probably tired and would want a bed to himself. But maybe I could just hang in their room for a long while.

“You okay, sweetheart?” He asks, stopping to look back at me. Of course, he could practically sense it. He places our bags on the concrete, getting close enough that I could easily breathe him in. He lifts his hands to cup my face gently, he’s been doing that a lot lately. “‘Your head hurtin’?” He was looking down at me so carefully, his green eyes softening as he watched me. I have to remind myself to respond even as my thoughts extinguish each time his thumbs caress my cheeks, careful to pass over the bruises there, “Well yes but that's not…” I don't finish my sentence not having a single idea of what I should say to him. He looks down at me expectantly, just waiting. I wanted to hug him, keep my head buried in his chest even as my head pounded like a bass playing through an amp, but I can’t exactly say that.

I sigh, “Is it okay if…” I swallow, speaking quietly, “Can I stay with you?”

His eyes widened a fraction and if I wasn't looking right up at him I would have missed it entirely. It's not like this was anything new for us, we've cuddled before while watching a movie or something and even slept in the same bed if needed for a hunt. But to ask like this somehow felt so different, so much more personal. “Of course” he answers simply, eyebrows scrunched together as if he was insulted that I would be so hesitant to ask. He lets go of my face, and I immediately miss the steadiness of it all, he takes a single step back but not before grabbing hold of my hand and picking up our duffles to hold in his free hand.

We catch up to Sam in the small lobby, two keys in his hand instead of the usual three. Was it a coincidence that they just didn't have a room I could use or did he just know? I guess it was possible he saw us in the parking lot and figured out what I would want, am I that easy to read?

….

The room was quite nice, the walls were grey with some white detailing. And the beds were big, most likely a queen, with the crisp white blankets and a tall cushioned headboard. Sam walks in first, choosing the bed on the far side of the room, which was predictable at best seeing as Dean preferred being closer to the door out of a sense of protectiveness.

Dean places his duffle on the bed, handing me mine, “You can take a shower first” he says, telling me more than offering. I swing off my messenger bag, placing it on the bed before looking between both boys, “Are you sure?” I was already intruding in their room and his bed I didn't want to take over the bathroom too. They both nod their heads, I mumble thanks before heading there.

I didn’t care to study the bathroom, just wanting to be under the hot water and wash away the dirt and feelings of the day. I turn the shower on, lifting my shirt over my head before having to stop with it halfway off of me to stop the room from spinning. I close my eyes forcing myself to relax and not sway as I stripped down to nothing.

Being naked only made my bruises look worse. My wrists were rubbed raw, painful red marks adorning each one, and my cheeks had dark bruises on them from being punched twice over the span of a couple of days. Never mind the gash on the corner of my forehead, which I’d have to bandage again after the shower, and the subtle black and blues on my side likely from being thrown to the ground.

I swallow hard, I don’t want to think of any of this anymore. I step into the rather small shower, the hot water pouring over my head and down my body taking the tension with it as it went down the drain.

I step out of the steamy bathroom feeling infinitely times better despite the spinning room and hurting head. My hair was wet and clean and felt lighter now that it was no longer dusted with dirt, and I was in comfortable pajamas.

Yes, it wasn’t nighttime yet or time to sleep but that doesn't mean a girl can’t wear comfortable clothes. It was nice to be in pajamas, wearing some white plaid pants and a loose tee with a cute little embroidered bear in the corner and of course an oversized sweater because somehow I was always cold. It was a wonderful yet small feat.

Dean’s sitting up in bed, both boys watching some football game on the small TV. I slump into the bed carefully lying my head down as I get underneath the covers. Dean seemed to study me for a moment, smiling softly, he was probably trying to assess how I felt. Whatever he was looking for he seemed to find, nodding to himself before getting up and heading to the bathroom with a change of clothes. A moment later the shower turns on.

I sink into the bed further, turning away from the TV, I didn’t care enough for sports to want to watch it anyway. The weight of the past few days catch up to me quickly, my eyelids feeling heavier and heavier.

….

The bed beside me suddenly sinks down, and my eyes flutter open being met with Dean’s familiar frame, “Sorry sweetheart didn’t mean to wake you.” I shake my head, I must have been out for just a couple of minutes, “It’s okay” I mumble still on the outskirts of sleep. He gets under the covers, his black shirt accentuating the muscles in his arms as he moves.

Once he situates himself he holds his arms open to me, silently asking if I wanted to get closer. He always seemed to know what I wanted or what I felt, sometimes I feared he knew me too well. I shift closer to him and he meets me halfway pushing me the rest of the way into him.

He practically places my head on his chest, close to his shoulder, his arm closes in on me holding me impossibly closer to him, his hand resting on my waist. His body warmth immediately reaches me, and in his embrace, any fears or anxieties I had the last few days seemed to dissipate. I place a hand on his chest feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath my fingertips. The hand on my waist begins to move slightly, his thumb rubbing slow circles into my side, my heart seems to flutter and I fear I won't be able to move on from this. It is moments like these that I find it hard to keep my feelings to myself, my love seems to bustle in my veins threatening to spill out. And with everything I have in me, I must bottle them back in, even as he places a soft kiss on my forehead and I think my heart just took off flying.

I melt into him, neither of us saying anything–not that we needed to. I can feel his rings on my side and the comforting weight of his hand there, the warmth he let off and his scent of something like pine or maybe it was wood, and just for a moment under the fog of a mild concussion, I imagine a forever like this. Being able to fall asleep each night to his hold and wake with him still there right beside me.

[daftpatience]

Hi, I used to draw a lot but I've not drawn/created for a long time now, any tips to get back into it?

Or rather the whole thing about making art for yourself, I used to get a lot of attention for being good at art from other ppl and I'm not sure how to connect it back to myself again

I'm also contending with the Autism "It needs to be done in this way" and the ADHD "I can't focus for shit"

Also please don't worry if you don't know what to say, I'm just trying to get a variety of opinions to try and untangle my brain

Thank you in advance 💕

i think a good way to get back into creating *for yourself* whether its to come out of a dry spell or just to get back to creating things that you like, is what i call 'backtracking' (bearing in mind that my particular methods may only work for me! im lucky ive never struggled with focus when it comes to drawing things, but maybe some of these things will help as my main goal when drawing is to entertain myself!)

also before i move on this i think is valuable: you gotta draw things that you aren't gonna post sometimes. it's fun and fulfilling to make art for an audience, and wanting attention is not shameful (ITS HUMAN!) but also we live in panopticon times and i think its good to train your "i am alone doing something for myself and no one has to see it" muscles.

backtracking is a couple different things:

look back to when you were really young. what kinds of drawings were the most fun to do? what did you spend time on or get really into? for me, this was a few things! tracing cartoons, drawing up elaborate scenes of lots of little creatures doing a thing, and designing little characters as paper dolls and making their houses and little furniture and accessories and such to cut out and play with. also getting paint all over my hands (i still paint my whole hand whenever im done doing something with acrylics before i wash up! its stimming)! backtracking here is when you try to take those things and make use of them now. try to find that old joy and use it in a way that makes you happy today, even if it's something small or silly or embarrassing. it can really help you rediscover what parts of art make YOU happy!

if you're regularly drawing and in a slump, backtracking for me is stepping back and doing either more exercises and practising the things you feel like you already know how to draw (ie. studying angles of the face or pulling up imgs of rooms on pinterest to see how normal people arrange furniture etc.), or simplifying your drawings to a level that feels more relaxing and less stressful. (ie. chibis instead of more detailed characters etc.) i find i kind of fall back to chibis when i feel lost, and then sort of rebuild from there. its fun to let my style change as i grow!

ALSO! im telling your autism this for your adhd's sake (this is useful for anyone i think): if there is a part of art that you do not enjoy doing or find boring but you feel it is an important or necessary step in the process? the secret is it isnt! art is made up. if you hate lining, dont do it! if youre a digital artist and get caught up picking a brush every time because you feel like you need the perfect one? switch to mspaint for a bit to get the nerves out. it can be really freeing!

art is for having fun and fulfilling our need to create. the rules are all made up and not real. perfectionism is the little death that something something i forget. yeah

[our-aroace-experience]

i think i sent an ask a bit ago and i dont remember what i wrote but ive had time to sit on these feelings so i wanna elaborate them better.

my (oriented) aroace experience, is confusing. craving intimacy and affection and a relationship purely for the emotional connection and acceptance part, because i know its something i personally could never get out of a friendship -my feelings are way too much for that (and before people start commenting about norms or internalized whatever, this isnt about you and this is extremely simplified.) . but everything else about romance making me feel really uncomfortable. the whole amatonormative culture and expectations put on you, dates, casual stuff and peoples perceptions of you changing just squicks me out personally. like, i crave "that" relationship because there i know someone wants me the way i want them. and i call it romantic for conveinences sake but when i look at the way other people describe it and behave with it and it hardly feels like thats what it is. its amazing how long ive been aromantic but am still discovering more about how romance works for me. but god, i wish so badly there was more space for us who have trauma with romance and intimacy that makes it wildly confusing. because in all my years of being in and out of the community i feel like im the only one. which isnt true but sure feels like it.

you’re definitely not alone, though i completely understand why it feels like that. amanormativity can be super difficult to deal with when you don’t fit into it’s neat categories of relationships. hopefully you can find some others who relate to your experiences, maybe even from this post!

[quillkiller]

humbly asking you to elaborate on built for revenge/war android barty and mad morally corrupt scientist evan if you don't mind 🤲🏼

. so i’ve been reading— (gunshot)

ok— (gunshot)

ok i’ve— (gunshot)

ok

ive been reading.. detroit become human.. hank/connor.. 😔 .. please.. they’re precious to me..

and. THE WRITING IS JUST SO FASCINATING. LIKE. ALL OF CONNORS INSIGHTS AND PROGRAMMING AND DEVELOPING FEELINGS.

anyway.

ive been thinking about post uni evan getting his first job at a lab/whatever/somewhere where they’re making androids. barty is a newly developed prototype they’re trying out. i haven’t figured everything out but hes built for either war och revenge (probably war or something similar because. whose revenge would it be. anyway. still working it out in my lil head)

evan grows obsessed with him. he doesn’t get to do much because hes still new and fresh out of uni. but he looks. he looks a lot. barty hasn’t even been woken(???)/finished(???) he’s still in the lab, unconcious and beautiful and with his chest open and wires hanging out

evan stays late almost every night. watching him. writing theories. wanting to touch him. see what would happen if he connected x and y. etc etc etc. so he does one night. he starts playing around with his wires, touching them so gently. looking for reactions. feeling bartys insides in his hands. hands deep inside his chest:/ he knows hes smarter than everyone in the building so he figures out a way to wake him up. and eventually he does. i think barty enter fight mode immediately and first thing he sees is an immediate threat

THERES MORE BUT I HAVE DINNER RESERVATIONS AND I HAVE TO GET READY. i just wanted to talk about them <3 thank you for asking <3

[i-needserotonin]

You said your favourite thing was Eli's abilities to ignore reality. Can you elaborate on what you mean? Some examples?

I think him in vegenful when he was at EON is a great example of how inside his own head Eli can be, he just seems to convince himself that he's right and nothing will ever stop him, like, yes keep talking to the "ghost" even after connecting that he was alive, do it! delusion at it finest.

I think this might be one of the most striking traits of his character and how he reasons things, a lot of people just hate him for how he called the cops on Victor and if you just try to follow his vision it makes sense! come with me for this one.

- I feel strange after becoming a EO, like something is missing, apathy and emptiness, loss of fear, so I try to "protect" the only person I consider a friend, this person kills my girlfriend and lies to me even after I saying it shouldn't be done like that, I call the police, he comes back and stabs me, and uses his power on me, confirming my "suspicions" that EOs are in fact inherently evil and wrong I no longer recognize my best friend as himself but rather a "devil" who is using his body. -

at the end of the day I think a lot of Eli is how he rationalizes and tries to fit together pieces of a narrative that doesn't go against him being exposed as wrong or as monstrous, or not holy, for various reasons, being a martyr? maybe his general relationship with religion and how he sees himself as a person? What he knows is that he can't be wrong, it can't be true, if he's wrong what would become of him? Then god hates him, and god doesn't hate him. if he can't die. There's a reason. It has to be one.

"Wouldn’t You?” He cut deeper, through to bone, over and over, until the floor was red. Until he’d given his life to God a hundred times, and a hundred times had it given back. Until the fear and the doubt had all been bled out of him. And then he set the knife aside with shaking hands. Eli dipped his fingertips in the slick of red, crossed himself, and got back to his feet. " Part Two; Chapter IV,  Vicious.

Many people wonder, why does he kill other EOs if he himself is one, doesn't he consider himself unnatural too? when in fact it is more he has convinced himself that he is different and that this has a purpose! he clearly doesn't like being an EO and appears to admit that he would kill himself if he could, he literally tried too, but if he can't then this has to be something bigger than him right? he can't be a sinner, against God's nature, God obviously has a mission for him! Because God loves him.

Anyway, I just wanted to give a bigger picture of how I think Eli works as a character, I think too much about this guy, sorry for the delay in responding, and thanks for the question!

[doom-dreaming]

The More The Merrier: Ch. 3.5

“So.” Kelly’s voice rises out of the warm darkness. “Think you’ll go back to Lasky after that?”

Sarah snorts. “Of course I will. Exclusivity with anyone was never on the negotiating table.”

“Obviously,” Linda murmurs. Her breath tickles the back of Sarah’s neck.

“Just how complicated is this little…” Kelly flutters her fingers in the air, “...web you’re in?”

“Not as complicated as the rumors make it sound,” Sarah mutters, pillowing her arm under her head. Linda shifts to accommodate the movement and Sarah is once again hyper-aware of the heat from each body pressed up against her. It’s a lot—far more than she’s used to—but it’s…nice.

“Everyone knows about you and the Captain,” Kelly continues. “But is it true that Roland’s involved?”

“I swear to—” Sarah huffs. “If he's going around telling people, I’ll decommission him myself.” She’s speaking more to the room than Kelly—she knows he’s listening, in some capacity—but she follows the threat with a reluctant nod. “Yeah. Technically.”

There’s a subtle shift in Kelly’s expression; Sarah’s not intimately familiar with the nonverbal nuances specific to Kelly’s generation of Spartan, but she can still tell something dangerous is happening behind those eyes. “...whatever you’re thinking, I don’t want to be anywhere near you when the dust settles.”

Kelly’s attention snaps back to her, lips twisting into a smirk. “Oh, she learns fast, doesn’t she?”

Against her back, Sarah feels a ghost of a laugh vibrate in Linda’s chest.

“Trust that instinct,” Kelly whispers, sliding a finger down Sarah’s sternum. Anticipation coils in the pit of her stomach, but Kelly’s hand leaves her skin without instigating anything more. “So how does it work? He’s along for the ride?”

She’s still wary of whatever’s going through Kelly’s head, but she nods. “One of us plugs him in—usually Tom, they integrate better—we fuck, we put him back in the ship.” She shrugs.

“And he likes it?”

“Can’t get enough. He wanted to hitchhike with me tonight.”

Linda’s voice is syrupy in her ear. “Should’ve let him.”

“No. Not a chance in hell. Maybe the third or fourth time, but not the first.”

Kelly props herself up on her elbow and Sarah can practically feel the look she exchanges with Linda. “You think this’ll happen again?”

“Didn’t you just ask me if I’d leave Lasky for you?”

The comment draws noises of amusement from both of them and a warm knot settles itself somewhere inside Sarah’s chest. She does her best to ignore it. She isn’t sure she can allow herself to develop the same kind of feelings for them that she has for Tom. Honestly, she isn’t sure that would even work out if she tried. No, this could stay physical and nothing more. And she could be okay with that. Hell, it worked with Miller, didn’t it? This wouldn’t have to be any different.

“I wouldn’t mind it,” Kelly sighs, settling back down onto the pillows. Sarah’s still glad she didn’t have to be the one to make the admission. “How about you, Lin?”

Linda’s arms wrap tighter around Sarah’s ribs. “She’s fun. We should keep her.”

Sarah stays quiet. She doesn’t admit that she likes how possessive they’re being. She doesn’t acknowledge the growing burn of affection at how they’re already comfortable enough to banter and use nicknames around her. She just breathes steadily into the lull that settles over the three of them and enjoys it for what it is.

Kelly, again, breaks the silence. “Is that it, then? Just you and Roland and the Captain? Not much of a web after all.”

“Well…” For a second, she’s hesitant to bring attention to the smaller connections, but if Kelly and Linda were going to be involved in the whole mess, anyway… “No. There’s also Miller.” She’s about to elaborate—Blue Team couldn’t be bothered to remember the name of every S-IV they did or didn’t work with—but Kelly surprises her.

“The whiny one that handles Ops?”

“I know how it sounds. But he’s…” She sighs. “He’s easy to boss around and starved for praise.” Yeah, it really did sound bad when she said it out loud. “And you should blame Roland for getting him involved in the first place…”

[aroanthy]

hi!! i know u talk a lot about aromanticism a lot on here, but i don’t think i’ve ever seen u talk about aromantic anthy. would u mind discussing/elaborating on it or linking to a post where u do because i’m very curious!!

i got a similar ask half a year ago or something ridiculous like that on my main blog, but i’d like to really do justice to my url right now and explain it in more concrete terms.

i will say, it’s important to bear in mind that this reading of anthy’s character is very much informed by my own experiences, and a lot of those experiences are ones im not keen to talk in depth about. but you know. let’s make some nebulous gestures towards ideas of being traumatised, being autistic, struggling to meaningfully connect with others and honestly not really wanting to do such because of how they treat you.

like ive previously said, an aromantic perspective on the world would, i think, really benefit anthy. when youve lived your whole life experiencing violence at the hands of these patriarchal structures, of which romance is absolutely one, it’s kinda like. damn. im uncomfortable buying into those ideas.

anthy also has this lovely line in ep 19 where she says to utena ‘romance either happens or it doesn’t’ and it’s just sooooooo. so very interesting to me, actually, that anthy would say something so black and white about ‘romance’, a topic that anthy knows better than a lot of rgu characters is hopelessly confused and arbitrary and often enabling violence. and utena (fellow aromantic gaybo) says 'yeah, i know, but...'. these simplifications, these elisions. what is and isn't articulated. but what? maybe things are much more complicated than we'd like to think.

anyway enough of that tangent. one thing i as a trans and aromantic person always return to when discussing trans and aromantic readings of characters/texts more broadly is that there's no singular piece of evidence that can really cement these readings as Undeniable. it's like. okay. there's a critique of romance as a patriarchal structure in revolutionary girl utena. there's an ambiguity about anthy's feelings towards characters like utena, where there is clearly a queer connection but it takes shape in unconventional and complex ways. me, i'm aromantic, i see all of these pieces and i go oh well that's because she's an aromantic lesbian. you know, there's plenty of little moments i can evidence but those moments can be used to argue for an alloromantic lesbian anthy too. romance is a very arbitrary thing and i think everyone should take their own approach to it unapologetically. of course, mine is that it's hellish and i want nothing to do with it, but im just one guy. and im okay with that. i feel strongly about this reading and it is personal, and id be dishonest to say otherwise, but i do also find that it's well-evidenced in the text. as one of my lecturers once said, don't worry about authorial intent, it isn't real <3

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

ive always wanted to talk a bit about how i feel about the connection between Yukari and Merry because i love the endless parallels and thematic connections (like everyone else on the planet 😁), but wondering if it was ever 'worth' it since i may just be spouting a lot of what is already considered 'common knowledge' among hifuu aficionados. Not to mention i think my thoughts on it are somehow both really messy but also crystal clear. 😐 Well whatever! Its my own head anyway so i'll try not to worry and am gonna attempt to elaborate even if just a little on this post, which may not be entirely coherent due to sleepy, post-medicine fatigue.

i feel like over the years i may have started to become reflexively more 'against' yukari = merry fandom, although 'against' is probably too strong and its much more complicated than just "i dont subscribe to that theory" because thats not even entirely accurate!

it is of course a classic and really cool idea of the Merry one day becoming Yukari has been and continues to be thoroughly explored by many many fans for moving, tragic, bittersweet, or thought provoking work. I love Absolute One-Way Street, and also Dream and Reality among many other works like it 📖

but i also think its a little stiffling to think of that as the one and only story to tell about them? Now its possible that the sentiment im about to express isn't actually common and im actually just making up a person to respond to, but i think taking the teasing connections between Yukari and Merry and treating the idea of them being the same individual as the absolute obvious truth is a bit of a limiting perspective.

Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinions and headcanons! but i want to make a case that when it comes to touhou and especially hifuu in particular, there's also a richer (and possibly deliberate on the author? who knows!) point to treat it more abstractly.

Maybe they are the same person. Maybe one day Merry becomes Yukari, or Yukari becomes Merry. Maybe they're different people. Maybe they come from the same lineage. Or maybe one is a clone of the other grown in a lab or made with a magic spell.

None of that is as important to me as the the roles they serve in their stories. touhou has always had themes about the gap and the bridge between fantasy and reality by taking place in a world where fantasy seeks refuge from reality, and hifuu goes much further in that theme by taking place in a reality that has completely left behind fantasy. That parallel is really cool to me and its embodied perfectly by both stories having a purple-clad blonde girl with the means to poking their toes into the boundary between fantasy and reality.

In the fantastical world of touhou, one serves as gensokyo's powerful (if frustrating, shady, annoying, disagreeable) protector with allies that she watches over (and sometimes manipulates) with her great power, all to preserve their little wonderworld. And I think its sooo compelling how zun introduced hifuu in the music cds and designed a very similar-looking character, who lives in a stifled reality lacking in imagination, mostly spends her day chasing after even the smallest traces of dreams with a partner whose own small logical world expanded with infinite possiblities upon their meeting...

In the last few cds, Merry's powers may be growing stronger and i get why feeds the implication she's becoming something other than human. But my take on that has always been its more of a sign that she and Renko are already outliers in their world simply for daring to believe there is more to the world beyond facts and logic. I dont expect their story (assuming zun ever brings them back. we havent heard what theyre up to since 2016....) to ever end with both or either of them becoming a youkai or vanishing to gensokyo, because frankly that wouldn't serve any purpose for the themes hifuu has been about, which is embracing fantasy while living in a world that has abandoned it.

trying to remember what my point with this post is.... Oh right its that I think all these themes about the nature of gensokyo or the state of reality in hifuu are only made richer when you think about how they contrast with one another. And by extension, I think Yukari and Merry are both richer if you think of them as conceptual and thematic counterparts in two different stories on the opposite end of a similar spectrum, before thinking about what literal or objective connection they might have. Subjectivity definitely means more than objectivity in this case!

[lu-is-not-ok]

Canto IV Predictions

Some of these are based on stuff I’ve put together based on the trailers. Some of them are just me wildly speculating contentless behavior style. Also, they’re in no particular order.

Samjo will be relevant, whether he actually reappears or is implied to be doing something in the background.

One of the inciting events of the chapter will be a reveal of another K Corp emergency Code.

We’ll have an Abnormality fight outside of the final Dungeon (the bull appearing in a CG and in the level select background teased in the trailer suggests it).

K Corp’s Nest will get Absolutely fucking Wrecked.

The chapter will eventually lead to some sort of K Corp laboratory (battle backgrounds in some of the latter sections of the trailer).

The new enemies we see in the trailers, as well as Meursault and Rodion’s new IDs will be neither Thumb nor Leaflet Workshop, but a secret third thing - a different, new workshop. Potentially related to YuRia from Distortion Detective, since Rodya’s new ID has a weapon very similar to YuRia’s?

Meursault’s ID will be 00, as it’s the exact same outfit and weapon as one of the default enemies. Rodya’s ID will be 000, as it’s a much more elaborate outfit. Also, it would fit with Meursault already having two 000s and Rodya already having two 00s.

Mystery Raiden has connections to K Corp (based purely on the small strip of K Corp’s bright green seen on the briefly visible bit of their clothes).

There will be at least one Metal Gear reference after Mystery Raiden shows up.

We’ll get a Season 2 ID based on Mystery Raiden.

[kittyvolvox]

It’s been a minute since I’ve seen ST2…if you don’t mind, can you elaborate more about your post regarding the name Jane…cause I feel the same way, like she would like to reclaim her name and what she’s lost, but I always see people say she prefers El because it’s an affectionate nickname or something.

okay so basically the second-half of s2 jane is completely seperated from hawkins and anyone she knows her. she specifically leaves bc she is looking for her mother, for where she came from, we also see a flashback of jane asking hopper who/where her mother is so this is an ongoing thing that has been plaguing jane.

when becky ives asks who she is, she replies "jane" and refers to terry ives as "mama" continually and when becky calls the ives house "home" jane repeats "home" like she also believes this could be home for her. so she clearly likes this being jane and being an ives, at least so far. however, jane ultimately leaves the ives home - but only bc becky calls the police asking for help and she gets spooked - and bc jane wants to know more abt her sister kali.

jane then meets kali and again, she introduces herself as "jane". this is despite the fact kali would actually know her better as eleven or say "el like eleven" perhaps, as kali only knows jane through the lab. jane literally has to show kali her number tattoo bc the name jane means nothing to kali. this time we know for certain that she must be using the name jane instead of el/eleven not for simplicity like you could assume at the ives house, but for another reason. a reason i personally believe is due to jane feeling a connection to this new name rather than her old one. when kali says "home" jane again repeats "home" bc she also believes this could be home for her. she feels kinship here with kali, as jane.

looking further in 2x07 (ik ppl hate it but idc) aka "the lost sister" we have the scene where kali tells jane to let herself feel her anger, something which takes jane a while as she's not used to allowing herself to feel these emotions fully. (the only other time before this we see jane as fully angry before this is when she's fighting with hopper, which considering she's being held against her will as a lab rat is WILD if you think abt it.) at face value, this scene is just abt anger, but its also abt emotions and jane's humanity in general imo. as jane, she's allowed herself both these things, but as "eleven" in the lab and even "el" with the boys she has not. even in later seasons, mike describes jane as a superhero not a person. "el" is not human like jane is.

speaking of this ep notice when jane leaves it's bc hawkins needs her. she doesn't want to leave kali, she doesn't want to stop being jane but does it bc it's her obligation. this is jane actively putting her powers before her own desires. i'm not saying jane didn't miss the ppl in hawkins bc we see that she does, but up until they were in danger, jane didn't miss them enough to put them above kali bc kali gives her something the ppl in hawkins can't/don't know to give her. understanding. her humanity. her name.

also the s3 scene with her and max shopping - max has to reiterate that jane should do what she wants and not what mike/hopper want. this shows me that jane is not putting herself first, she is putting others first and i truly believe that extends to her name.

i'm not saying the party are bad friends for calling her "el" bc they didn't see jane's arc in s2 and don't know everything that's going on with her. but doesn't the fact they don't know (from what we see) abt jane's mother which as i mentioned is a big part of jane's life that she cares deeply abt, a sign that jane isn't being open and honest with them abt who she is? that she isn't sharing that vulnerable, human side with them? that she is putting being a "superhero" before being human?

i hope this answered your question anon :) but tldr: i believe jane represents her humanity and el/eleven represents her being a "superhero".

[bambidoll96]

Writing out a fantasy, it might prove embarrassing or off putting to some but inneed to at least get it out:

Im just gonna say it plainly. I want to be a pornstar... but i want to do it my way. Im not here to fuck; suck? maybe occasionally but thats not the point.

I want to do long and intimate scenes: elaborate ropings with a focus on each individual wrap or knot, as well as highlighting any banter between me and my rigger; Impact scenes that could double for toy infomercials that cary into at least the first round of aftercare and maybe more. Sensation scenes blending the tickling and overstim with soft teddybear cuddling, and as much dialogue as i can reply to in such a state; bob ross esque body art paintings; recorded hypno sessions, even if im mostly asleep and not moving much im sure there is a real appeal somewhere (Heck pull bambi out and let her do her own scenes... i am honestly curious how much interest there might be in letting my wider plurality come into play?)

everything ive actually tried with another person outside of Sex sex has been heavenly (yes even the really really dumb "coffee" date) and there is a growing desire/need to be seen (or especially to be shown off) rising within me.

Sure cut the it down for pornhub or wherever so it can make the money but also do the long cuts that actually show off the art of the scene for those who actually appreciate it.

I want to work with a variety of tops and maybe with time get comfortable acting as a top myself(maybe, not sure if ill enjoy it in the long run) i want to explore as many kinks as i can find and experience them as much as my body/mind/spirit can handle. Maybe "owned" collectively by a small group, maybe with a single main partner who ensures i always make it home in one piece. Definitely in some way in which i am truely safe and secure, and done as sanely as possibe; with partners who genuinely care about my consent and wellbeing

For now i know damn well im still inexperienced enough and uneducated enough that that level of commitment wont really be possible any time soon even if there is any slim hope that it might be in the future. I also know that building the kind of social/support network to actually get anywhere near even the city that the ballpark is in is going to be a persuit that will likely span the rest of my life.

Yes right now i am no where near stable enough to even look for a real foothold and i know the entire wall is at an acute angle (especiallyconsideringi really dont want to work the camera, editing booth, or goddess forbid the distro/business side. But i have gotten a taste and i know it really is something i think i want to seriously persue once i am able; even as so many of my existing connections tell me its just a fantasy and seem to indicate that its just not possible.

Theres just something in my soul that calls out for it, even if we dont really know how "it" might happen or how "it" might pan out in the long, long run (maybe growing into a mentor as my body becomes less able to do the scenes myself) but we genuinely do want to make an earnest attempt.

[abimee]

so tbh i was hard on nier:a while playing it cos i don't really like a lot of the anime tropes BUT i really like tragedies and i was promised some twists, and got some. but i wanted to ask you how you felt about the pacing. basically, did it feel like there was a solid line connecting plot points, or do you feel like certain things happened at random? barring the fact that yoko taro said he literally wrote the story out of order, is that how it felt to you? imo it felt really rushed through super cool parts and like things that were annoying or setpieces ran on for too long. ig i'm still fked up over how much it fell short of my expectations bc even after playing nier:a completely thru and h8ing how absurdly film-student its tone and ideology are, i was hyperfixated enough to read some of the side literature and learn drakengard lore. tl;dr, nier:a is cool and has some fun parts but i wish the android were more mature (or artificial) in physicalilty to avoid weird anime loli baiting in the fans and also they'd asked a writer to help revise and implement the og author's ideas okay bye thx for reading my rant ♡ i'm glad u had fun and ur fanart abt a2 and the indoor grill made me cough

ill gladly listen to people bitch about yoko taro ive had PROBLEMS with this man since a young age ☝️☝️☝️☝️

I was actually thinking about the pacing and insertion of certain scenes/plot points today because admittedly like. okay this might be all over the place but

The start of the game (Route A + B) was like pretty solid pacing I think due to being low risk, and I thought it was cool that the game let you see 9S' side of things --- but it really started to fumble when it got into it's moe complex storylines in C-D-E and went on to deposit a lot of information on it to the point where it felt like we were forgetting entire plots and characters because something new and shiny showed up

Like okay first off. Adam and Eve and the aliens. We never once got any sort of explanation WHY adam + eve killed the aliens, or why the aliens made the machines, but within that general thought we did learn that humans died before going to the moon (and possibly even before the aliens came?), and that YoRHa's only goal was to fight the machines until a specified amount of data was gotten and then they were to explode. Never did we get more elaboration on the aliens or adam/eve, and while we got some YoRHA spotlight stuff it also entirely just decided that explaining the true mission behind making YoRHa and why the androids had to die is beyond it. Which frustrated me because it Brings Up Ideas but doesn't specify if thats the true reason, like we learned that the machines fight purely because that was there sole reason, and so they made an enemy for themselves purely to enact that goal that the aliens gave --- but then it even goes ''haha okay but hear me out'' and introduces Red Girl and this vague idea of the Machine Ego and wanting to defy their masters of the aliens, but then DOESN'T ELABORATE WHY. Like we don't know WHY adam and eve and the machine ego wanted to develop enough to defy their machine logic and purpose because it wraps back around to ''theyre human just like us because they want to defy their masters because.... they're human like us?"

Like it often felt like some concepts or plots brought up walked itself in a circle, dog-chasing-tail style, where it's entirely contained within itself and refuses to expand upon it's existence, which then causes it to get sort of left behind when the plot finds a new fancy idea to latch onto. Like how quickly the story introduced, focused on, then discarded Adam & Eve is almost criminal because of the things it could've done with them literally as the closest approximation to what the Machine Ego/Red Girls wanted, since they defied their creator's orders to be their own selves. Eve especially feels wasted in this regard --- like if the plot spent a little more time focusing on Eve & Adam in a B-plot scenario showing Eve and Adam learning more from humans and even leaning into Eve's wants that we saw in his mind when 9S hacked him (the human home built around him and his brother, and his brother wanting to go somewhere peaceful with him). Like they even could've tied that to when they get on the Ark and leave and Adam is holding Eve, that's literally Adam bringing Eve somewhere peaceful, but because those two instances are so seperated from each other and their own sort of throw-away concepts it becomes hard to Remember the tether between those two thoughts

This is also my biggest problem with A2's writing, I can only assume she's meant to be a Kaine-type character (and boy did my eyes momentarily widen seeing Emil say ''it must be fate that we've met!" to her) where her reserved nature and somewhat limited character blends in with her personality, but they really could've just given us like at least 2 more hours-game to learn about her past rather than just infodump us with her lore in some logs at the Resistance Camp. This is another problem Red Girl had where I feel like the fact you get unit data on them that basically explains away the confusing parts of their involvement in the lore felt cheap because this game has over 40+ hours under it's belt but couldn't be damned to give us information on our main antagonist directly in the game instead of in a post-credit LOG?

Like okay. I love my baby boy emil. He is the most special boy in the world to me and I am so happy seeing him get a pretty decent character arc for himself in the sequel to his original iteration. But why do we learn information about Emil more easily than the Red Girls? No unit data paragraph, no document information to read, no external book needing to be sourced. You learn whats up with him, why his big event out in the desert happens, and how it ends. You even get TWO special areas involving him. Red Girl gets to speak for a little bit and then vanish. It just astonishes me a bit

And it's not like the game doesn't try to expand characters last-minute either, that entire cutscene where Pascal reads Nietszche and then gets surrounded by the baby machines before the events of the Factory/suicide felt so forced in suddenly that it felt rather obvious something was going to happen. And I say this as someone who was in tears seeing Pascal get called ''uncle Pascal'' and see him defend the children in the factory --- it was super obvious that they possibly didn't originally plan that scene but needed something to really show that Village acted just like a human community with children and babysitters and family. Like not to be like ''this couldve been something beautiful'' but i think giving us a little time between A2 and the Village more could've done something beautiful. A2 getting the necessities to build the slide definitely made me drop to my knees but I noticed even the LPer was confused why A2 had a crying child inside of her as her enemy at the end of the hacking (like how 9S had 2B at the end of his destroying his memories), but the game didn't do anything with that besides lightly imply A2 lets down her mean bit for children sometimes (and again. why is this Kaine behavior). And then the fucking laughing children sound at the end of the route where she hacks 9S and she looks to the sky like ? This is all very interesting but it doesnt mean anything.

NOT TO MENTION 2B BEING AN EXECUTIONER TYPE. COOL CONCEPT BUT IT DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING IN THE END. It's just another thing to tack onto 9S's migraine of learning everything is a lie but nothing gets DONE with that incredibly interesting though afterwards because we never see 2B after that because she's been dead for a while now. We had a brief hint at it when we heard that transmission of 2B being her new name but the payoff just doesn't work if you just state it and then not do anything with it.

There's many cases of this and I notice it with how much questions I have that simply have no answer in this game despite the fact we have nearly 5 routes worth of time that could've gone into either sticking to like 3 ideas to the end or bridging the gaps, Which the story Does Do Sometimes! Red Girl talking about fucking up its own network to make pacifistic machines that want nothing to do with the war, the lie of YoRHA

OH MY GOD ALSO. SPEAKING OF RANDOMLY PUSHING STUFF IN. OPERATOR 210. The fact that they wanted to pull the whole ''she was curt and distant with 9S but secretly saw him as like a son because she wanted a family :(" could've gone INSANE if they didn't decide they wanted to bring that idea in at the last possible second and make 210 randomly baby 9S (and then make him point out how strange she's acting), and then ignore that until we get to the cutscene that they wanted to make for it. Like they could've had 210 start out as curt and distant, but as 9S operations with 2B got more dangerous she could've started laying on the doting mother thing, but it just came so abruptly in Route.....C? That it felt forced and rather last-minute, like they finished writing A and B and someone walked in and went ''wait I want 210 to see 9S as her son :(" and this is how they crammed it in

oh this post isnt even about the pacing i'm just talking about dead end plot concepts. But I can definitely see where you're coming from there because we spent an awfully long time with the Resistance only to know so little about them, but it defos felt more ''a lot of stuff is getting brought up but we dont have enough time to give it developing room because we want to bring in the next concept asap". A2, the forest king, Red Girl, hell even Pascal and Adam & Eve all suffer this. the only person who really got a steady character Was 2B and 9S but 2B felt like she got cut short and just became a puppet for 9S' plot which is so tiring how often we get dual man/woman protags and the woman's story just becomes part of the man's story and she becomes a nebulous concept. that yoko taro brand Misogyny

I SPENT AN HOUR TYPING THIS? I haven't even gotten to how I feel like 9S' plot feels like it was destined for something more but got bottlenecked for time and cut off at the like 80% mark

I can definitely feel that though of feeling like Nier:a didn't meet expectations, when I finished all the routes and the playlist i was watching just Ended I genuinely sat up and bed and just felt a deep sense of ''THAT'S IT? THATS ALL?"

it's crazy too because I really, REALLY loved what it had going and im going to be thinking about this game forever but it also just left me feeling like i'm missing something so badly that when I try to think about it sometimes my mind just draws blanks like im left speechless at it.

Like that was nier: automata? that was just 40 hours of being asked what it means to be alive

[bathroomtrapped]

What are the basic differences between saws original script and the outcome? Why did they not play those scenes?

theres a lot of superficial changes, like their ages and adams last name being denlon. honestly still not sure where faulkner-stanheight got confirmed as his last name!

a lot of the things that were cut had to do with adams character and im not entirely sure why it was cut. his reason for being there was because he was suicidal. jigsaw said something along the lines of "everyday youve wanted to die". he wanted to go to vet school and had an interaction with some cat in his apartment. theres a scene where his mother calls, saying his father isnt mad and that he should call them. he writes on a sticky note "call mom" then adds a "?"

he has an interaction with a shitty neighbor, begs god to become a better person

theres probably a few small details about him im forgetting bc its been a while since ive reread the screenplay but the common theme is that the saw movie cut out a MASSIVE amount of context for adams character.

im not entirely sure why, i think some scenes might have to do with cutting down on time (the cat scene would probably get cut for time before filming once they actually start working on the project) vs something that was cut to make the story tighter and change adams role in the story.

he tells lawrence that basically, be hid the photo because he "didnt know what he would do". aka he was scared that itd motivate lawrence to kill him more. not sure why this is cut because some people clearly did not pick up on that lol

basically everything we know about adam is only known to us because it has something to do with lawrence. we know it because lawrence needs to. its unfortunately bc i like adam enough to want to know more but it serves the story better. hes the audience. we know what we know bc adam knows it or learns it. hes the one behind the camera. hes a voyeur. hes literally nothing. he died forgotten by basically everyone and hes just BARELY there in the narrative bc hes just... nothing.

at the end of the day, he was just a pawn. hes not important to anyone but lawrence because this is his story. this is his test and were just the people chained up and forced to watch it play out. i imagine his backstory and personal information was cut for this reason.

during the editing process, there were scenes cut. i know the trap was supposed to be more elaborate originally. i think the cat scene was cut out to save time and the mom scene/motivation/history was cut to firmly center the narrative on lawrence

one change that fucking BAFFLES me is that at the end during the love scene, adam originally asks lawrence "am i going to be okay?". in the film its "are WE going to be okay?" umm im honestly not quite sure what series of thoughts propelled them to make such a gay film by accident, call the end the LOVE SCENE publicly, and then proceed to be shocked when people call them on it? leigh was shocked to see chainshipping fics back during the ff.net days (fun fact: the first ever chainshipping fanfic was published on ffnet called rebirth. its still up)

my best guess is that leigh wanted to push their "relationship" (whatever they think that is) further for more emotional pay off. most of the changes seem to pull their themes tighter. it ends up working in its favor. adam is lawrences test and his moral core or whatever, so they have a pretty instant connection. it was probably done to make lawrence suffer more! or maybe make it gayer and leigh is just doing a bit

theres also the lampshade song lol. some dumb shit leigh made up and cary refused to do, so they changed it to the weird little piggy thing instead. MINOR minor improvement

certain words were changed because cary just kinda... rolled with it. he adjusted the script a few times bc he rly liked lawrence for some reason. he still does. leigh just accepted it and let him do his thing

amanda was also amanda denlon in the screenplay im pretty sure

tapp was dunked on by john as he assassins creed-ed him in the throat for being a 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN! absolutely insane

the way adam finds out lawrence is a doctor is different, he talks about possibly being injected with rohypnol LOL

the heart was actually a clue leading to the word toilet written over his heart, under his shirt. the blood heart wasnt in the script LOL. i imagine cary didnt want to have toilet written on his bare chest for the film? a shame

theres more interactions with tapp, sing, lawrence, and brett (his lawyer) im assuming its what happened before they asked lawrence to sit and watch amandas testimony. they say his fingerprints were found at the scene, not a pen. i think either way its interesting because. wow! lawrences prints are in the system which means he has a record. the implications are kinda funny, it makes how baffled he is that tapp dare accuse him of such a thing! even more ironic. now we know that mark was involved in the police and planted the pen, so he probably just out his prints into the system as well

amanda works at lawrences hospital. not sure why this is cut? possibly bc shawnee was begged to join bc james had a big crush on her and she didnt even want to originally. she might notve wanted to do multiple scenes or something at the time before she decided on returning as amanda (for whatever reason, im not quite sure why she became so attached to the series after not joining as enthusiastically as cary did after watching the 2003 short)

amandas reason is also different. i think jigsaw literally hated depressed ppl so much in the script bc she was there for therapy or something LOL. not drugs. prob just cut to improve it

thats all i got. theres a lot of changes for logics sake related to the trap, wording changes for flow (im assuming), time constraints, and to streamline the themes and center it on lawrence

[the-7th-heart]

Inatober day 2!

I swear I wrote them on time, I'm just posting them now cause my anxiety was eating me up about anything I do online-

Anyway, I love this one personally. I looooved the prompt, it fit right in for me.

This includes a great deal of personal headcanons that I would love to elaborate on!

2 - constellations / darkness of space

I can feel it on my tongue

Brick and mortar as thick as scripture

Midorikawa didn’t struggle when they threw him into the dark room of what they knew as “The Hotel”. He knew it would be useless, he was done for. Might as well make it easy for them. Why should they try to break an already broken canvas of a being?

For the first week he didn’t move, he didn’t have the strength. Detoxing from daily radiation was worse than drugs. They had to connect him to some weird IV thing to just keep him alive until he could move his arms and eat.

Stuck in one place, for a week. Not moving. Not doing anything really. But thinking. Reviewing. Where did he go wrong? What has he calculated wrong? How could he disappoint Father like this? How could he disappoint… him… like this…?

Who was… he? He lingered in his memory, the very back of it. He brought colors to his sepia-colored dreams. But… where was he now? Was it all Midorikawa’s fault? Why was he always abandoned?

Drawing lines in the sand and laying borders as tall as towers

I babble on until my voice is gone

After 7 days people in suits came and disconnected the IV. They left Midorikawa a tray with some bread and butter and a flat butter knife and called it breakfast. He ate. He didn’t have a choice. After he had finished, he finally assessed how the room looked. It was dark, the walls were… weird… and only a tiny window near the top let him count the days he’d been left there.

Something touched his soul and made him do it. The little marks on the floor. They were days, for sure. All 7 of the ones he’s spent here already. But they were… in a shape, a familiar one. A one that brought… him… back.

Midorikawa sat back on the floor. His eyes flashed with images of something he knew he must know. It was a meeting. They were talking, more people than him and… him… Midorikawa was talking, or rather his mouth was. He was talking about his parents. His first abandonment. His first failure. One of them, a warm presence, said something about hoping they “got what they deserved” and everyone nodded. Midorikawa’s head did too.

“If they haven't yet, they will soon.”

He didn’t know if he said it in the past, in his head, or aloud. It wouldn’t be the first conversation he had in the past where he wasn’t sure. His throat was weaker each time.

He knew soon he wouldn’t be able to speak if he continued.

Memories made his head spin. And while the room was dark as night, there were no stars to trip over except the ones he marked on the floor. He had to get some rest…

This hill I'll die on is about 90 meters of bricks

Colored indigo, inscribed with my name, and lined with cedar

4 days after he got his line disconnected he completed another floor decoration. It was another series of day markers, but these were red, desperate strokes of a desperate person. It looked like a bird in his tired eyes, used to living in the dark after all the time spent there already. His voice was dying with every line he said to his shadow. That didn’t stop him from singing songs from his memories before falling asleep.

He didn’t know how long he’d be locked. His food was steady, but small, not enough to keep him full, but enough to keep him alive.

He wondered if he’d make it out alive.

He marked another day without a blood spill on the wall this time and went to sleep.

But the words fall flat like cymbals crashing

Like molars gnashing

On day 14 more people were brought in. He recognized the voices. All the voices. His head was clearer now, but his memories still remained in pain. But he remembered one name.

Epsilon.

“What do you mean we tied and we still have to come here?!”

“Because Father said so. Apparently, this can help us prepare for his further plans.”

“Bullshit not plans! This is a prison for losers, not us. We got off scot-free. Unlike the rest of suckers locked in here.”

“Underestimate our opponent and you may end up being locked up here as well. And when that time comes, I will not help you.”

“But-”

“And calling Gemini Storm “losers” would be highly inaccurate considering Raimon took 4 attempts to even score them a point and they only won because of that new striker of theirs.”

“You’re defending them?”

“Gemini Storm?” A short moment of silence fell, as Midorikawa felt the gaze of the… The captain stop at his door. He nudged himself over closer. “Yes. They are exceptional players.”

“And Raimon beat them.”

“There will come a time when Raimon will beat Genesis. That’s all I’ll say.”

Midorikawa wanted to scream. He wanted to shout, to make his presence known, but he killed his voice some time ago. And even if he could shout, he couldn’t be heard. He never was. But this time he had the room to fight with.

Because the room was empty, but not in a way an empty room is empty. In an empty room, the echo is unbearable, the only way for it to stop is to fill the room.

This room was so empty even the echo wasn’t there, taken away by the soft material in the ceiling and stripes on the walls.

Midorikawa slid down the door and cried.

All he could do was cry these days.

They gave him more water when he cried.

And the water kept him full.

'Cause like constellations a million years away

Every good intention, every good intention

Is interpolation, a line we drew in the array

Looking for the faces, looking for the shapes in the silence

He walked now. He would get sick when he stood for too long, but he could walk now without pain.

On day 24 he finished another piece. A huge bird that brings thunder and flames. It took up the smaller wall, the one with the window, opposite the door.

At night, he got more and more images of… him… and the Others. He still didn’t remember their names. He couldn’t remember why it hurt to see them all happy. He didn’t recall why he was so scared of them the closer to the Day it got. He didn’t know what happened on the Day, yet, but it was the day when he knew something changed.

He only remembered… him… telling Midorikawa it will all be good. That Father said they will help the world. That it all is done in good faith.

How foolish can a child be to believe an empty promise of a broken man?

Day 25 brought the voices again.

Midorikawa heard another one too. It was sharp, melodic, once again familiar. And it was hostile.

“Get them into separate cells.”

“Desarm, do something! We’re supposed to just stand down?”

“Good little soldiers follow Father's orders without missing their cue.”

“Desarm, will you just let them lock us up?! We did everything he asked for!!”

“And apparently it wasn’t enough to keep your spot above~”

“SAGINUMA WILL YOU JUST SAY SOMETHING!!!”

“Sagi…numa…” Midorikawa rasped out. His throat was getting better after his head got clear enough to talk in it. “Saginuma.” He said again under his breath. He knew they wouldn’t hear him, not like they cared anyway, but he didn’t think his voice could handle loud noises yet. Suddenly he went on autopilot while the voices waited for an answer.

“Saginuma Osamu. 19 years old. Supposed to finish high school but dropped out due to personal conflict. Forward working as a goalkeeper and captain of the Epsilon team of the Aliea Academy. Switched between numbers 1 and 11 due to the previous. Oldest in the Sun Garden orphanage to date. Joined after his… his parents… went their separate ways, the court said he would be better with… us… in the Sun Garden…” Tears came. Typical. He finished and continued listening.

“DESA-”

“I already told you, I won’t help you when Raimon finally beats us. Where to, Gazel?”

“Right, up ahead.”

“Hope you’ll handle your loss better than my team did.”

“We won’t lose. Not to them, not to Gran.”

“We all will eventually…”

All that's left for me to climb to the heavens is

The chasm of the night and a matter of time

After the Epsilon came the nights got loud. They had more power and more strength, their detox went… differently.

Gemini Storm suffered alone in silence.

Epsilon Kai suffered together, their whales breaking through the usual silence of the Hotel. All except Saginuma whose voice remained hidden, silent.

Midorikawa wished he had that power in his voice. The power to shout.

But he never had, not even in the past, much less now.

He ripped the soft material from the wall to the right of the door. He needed space for more days, another picture for his eyes.

He walked so much recently the red he used for his second work faded away. He never wanted to repeat that. little crosses on the concrete made with the metal tool they’d given him beginning week 2 was enough. He was running out of ideas anyway.

The room was still dark. That remained a constant. The perspective from which Midorikawa saw it changed, but the darkness prevailed. Darkness and memories. So many new memories…

Of himself.

Of… him…

Of the Others.

The names started coming back too. Gradually. He knew Saginuma, very well in fact. And not just the formula from the register the Father had. He knew he loved honeydew softbread. He knew where in the orphanage he kept his private box of souvenirs. He knew he played Pulitzer in their low-quality version of orphanage Newsies. He said he wasn’t happy about it, but Midorikawa remembered how much fun they all had back then. Back when things were good…

Before the other kids from the Sun Garden started gradually disappearing. It started the day before Valentine's Day when he was young, maybe 11? On the actual day… he… was summoned by the Father. He was supposed to go. Midorikawa didn’t let him, nobody let him, and the 6 of them all left together.

The rest of that day is pure pain. And darkness…

But I hear the rumble

As the tectonic plates start to shake

And I feel my blood pounding like the beat of a drum

He finished his biggest work on day 37. Or was it 38? Did he lose a day? It might’ve fallen out of his head, it was pretty busy there recently…

The counter took up the whole wall to the right of the door. The cupbearer. Where did he get all of this from? Why did he know precisely where to put the next part? Why was his mind prevailing as a minefield even when he’d run around in it multiple times before? What else was he yet to trigger?

He got used to the noise after a few days. Relatively fast. There was some comfort to waking up and not feeling the overwhelming emptiness right away. He felt bad for Epsilon, he thought. He wasn’t sure, he could never be sure. He was sure of one thing and that is he had one more to do. One more image.

The day after that was violent.

“Let GO of me!! Get your hands OFF!!!” Yet another voice Midorikawa recognized. He knew him by a different name, but he was going by Burn now which seemed fitting. He was the one to be mad about how their parents treated them before Sun Garden. He was almost as mad now.

“If you resist it will only be more painful.” That was one of the guards. “And half of your team is already in pain.”

The half was brought to the Hotel a few days prior, but they were immediately taken to a different part of the building. Midorikawa heard some other people being moved from this part to a different one that day too. Most of them were from Epsilon but members of his own team were there too. After that, the empty felt even more… empty, for a lack of better word.

He was left in the corridor. He wondered if they had just forgotten about him again. They did that sometimes with food.

They abandoned him again.

He knew Saginuma or Desarm, or however he chose to call himself now, was still there. In his corridor. Midorikawa knew that after the renovations he made to make space, if he shouted loud enough he could reach him. Maybe?

He forgot what the corridors looked like out there…

“I’ll let you go for now, so play nice or play dead, not like they pay us enough to worry about one kid going missing.” Midorikawa heard the jingling of keys right under his door.

“GAZEL, NOW!!”

“WHAT ARE YOU-”

A flash outside. So bright it seeped under the door. The temperature drop came simultaneously with the light and the noise.

Struggle. Somebody got thrown at Midorikawa’s door. He fell to the floor, safely tucked into a corner so just if they broke it he’d be safe. Sort of.

“Burn, WATCH OUT-”

More crashing. Noise. Worse than the noises from Epsilon kids.

Prominence and Diamond Dust sure knew how to make an entrance.

“SUZUNO, NO! DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HIM!!!”

Flames. There were flames in the corridor. Fire, flame, warmth, heat-

The metal door stood. Barely. But it stood. It looked hot to the touch so Midorikawa got closer. He didn’t have a blanket in the room to warm up after the sudden drop so some heat was a welcomed friend.

Then with a buzzing noise, it all fell silent for a second. Then the Guard from the beginning said “Take the other one to the east wing. We can’t risk them hearing each other, we don’t know how much these guys are actually worth.” and that’s how the day fell to night.

Midorikawa knew that Nagumo was locked in the room next to him. They were separated by a wall. The one with the newest picture.

He didn’t try to get close.

He avoided that side of the room as much as he could.

He was scared that if he got too close he'd get burned.

'Cause like constellations a million years away

Midorikawa couldn’t sleep that night. He got the worst amount of memories so far. All of them. Their faces were now connected to their names connected to their characters. Their characters - connected to years upon years of pain. Constant pain.

He didn’t want to feel the dread he felt when he remembered them now.

He didn’t want to be scared for his life remembering they were in the same building as him.

He just wanted to be able to call them home again.

Every good intention, every good intention

Is interpolation, a line we drew in the array

The crashing of doors woke him up. He was disoriented, what was even going on?

He looked at his final counter on the biggest wall for some information - the day, the day that was before.

His door opened. He bolted to the corner, pushing his back as much against the wall as he could.

It was an older man in a trenchcoat with a beard. He looked angry and sad and tense, but he had kind eyes.

Midorikawa could trust kind eyes.

“You’re alright now, we’ve destroyed the meteorite and the guy is going to be in our custody as soon as we get you all out of here.” He said, his voice rasp. Natural or a smoker? He didn’t smell of nicotine…

Midorikawa took a few shaky steps and leaned out at the corridor. He squinted his eyes, it was much brighter than in his room.

The corridors were thin and there weren’t a lot of doors. As soon as the old man moved on to the other doors with a crowbar to open them, Midorikawa ran.

He saw a flash of red hair. That’s why he ran.

He ran after him to see if he was real.

Clinging to the faces, clinging to the shapes in the silence

He was running after a voice. It kept calling a known name.

“SUZUNO!!!”

Midorikawa hadn’t seen him yet. But he was close behind.

The cold voice Midorikawa heard before rasped something from somewhere and the speed of footsteps increased.

Midorikawa turned the corner and he was in another part of the Hotel. The wall said “East Wing”.

It was a little bit of an open clearing. The floor was covered in carpets.

In the middle of it all were two boys, on their knees as if they just fell, clinging to each other like the world was ending. Their clothes were loose after the diet in this place, the palms of their hands griping at the fabric as if the other was about to fly away.

The rest of the world didn’t exist for them. It didn’t need to when they had one another.

They were hugging, 2 hearts beating as one, their heads fitting perfectly over their shoulders.

“I thought they…”

“I’m here, I’m here,”

“... they came and threatened you and I…”

“I’m here, I’m real, I’m right here”

“I never want to lose you like that again”

“You won’t, I won’t let them”

Suzuno extended his arms a little so he could look into Nagumo’s puffy eyes with his own glassy ones. And then he brought their faces together for a kiss, a promise to never let go. Nagumo looked startled but joined in it and when they pulled apart, they just sat there, crying, holding their faces, touching their foreheads for support.

Midorikawa left. He felt like he violated something sacred. But somewhere deep, something told him he would keep what he saw. “For later”.

He ran again.

He ran with the noise.

He ran towards where the rest had to be.

He ran towards the sun.

Like constellations imploding in the night

Everything is turning, everything is turning

They were free.

All of them.

Back at Sun Garden.

Back at home.

But Midorikawa didn’t feel safe there anymore. Not just now anyway, after all that’s happened.

So he came back. He kept coming back.

He didn’t want to so he didn’t tell anyone.

But he didn’t know any other room of his own.

And he needed to finish his work.

And the shapes that you drew may change beneath a different light

And everything you thought you knew will fall apart, but you'll be all right

19 stars. Perseus. The hero.

Yagami Reina.

13 stars. Aquarius. Cupbearer of the gods.

Suzuno Fuusuke.

10 stars. Aquila. Eagle thunder-bringer.

Nagumo Haruya.

4 stars. Corvus. The crow.

Saginuma Osamu.

7 stars. Ursa Major. The big bear.

…Him…

Hiroto.

Kiyama Hiroto.

Midorikawa Ryuuji sat on the floor he knew oh, so well. They were all there. They were always there. He knew they were and would be even if he didn’t let himself recognize their faces.

He wasn’t crying, he was just sitting with tears streaming down his cheeks.

He couldn’t see around him.

He was drowned by the silence.

He didn’t hear the door or the footsteps.

He felt support, light pressure applied all around him.

“Sorry.” filled the void the silence masked all this time.

They were still there. And they were more than scratches on concrete.

His home was there and he knew, deep inside he always knew, that they would never let anyone abandon him again.