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whumpinggrounds · 4 years ago

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Febuwhump Day 6: Insomnia

notes that probably no one is reading but i am putting in anyway:

- this little drabble thingy takes place before all of my other febuwhump writing, so Mara is telling the truth about not having seen Jude.

-Jamie is very important and also i love her :)

CW: nothing i can think of!

Jamie’s not exactly beautiful. It takes a long time for most people to figure that out, because she’s so striking, but Mara was with Jamie long enough to know. It’s not the nicest train of thought, and Mara knows she should be better than this, but when she’s feeling small and mean, she can’t resist. And now that Jamie’s texting her for the first time in months, Mara gives in to her bitchy little worst impulse, pulls up the contact photo, and looks with critical eyes.

It’s the hair that does most of the work. Jamie’s hair is red, red, red. Not orange or strawberry blonde or even auburn; Jamie’s hair is red like no one’s ever seen. The color is true and deep and absolutely natural, and the long wavy locks are so long they almost reach her waist. Jamie looks like the photo on a box of dye at a CVS. People stop her on the street sometimes to ask what she does to it. Poor shy Jamie hates that, keeps her hair tied up in a bun or a braid almost always. It’s still impossible to ignore. It still makes people turn their heads when Jamie walks by; it’s the kind of thing that convinces strangers she’s absolutely stunning. They’re not wrong, because the hair itself is stunning, it’s just that once you get past the hair, Mara knows, Jamie is just sort of…plain. Nothing hideous, but nothing special either. Her eyes are nice enough. Blue. But her nose is kind of hooked at the end, and her skin is sort of sallow. She’s skinny. Not much else to her.

And, and, and there’s nothing wrong with her, of course, but she’s not as pretty as everyone thinks. Mara concludes it all over again after staring into the familiar smiling face on her screen, and the knowing soothes some bitterness deep in her chest. It’s not nice, thinking these things. It’s not right. But it brings Mara some small, vicious satisfaction, which she tells herself she’s earned.

It also takes her mind off the contents of Jamie’s text, if only for a little while.

Hey, have you heard from Jude at all lately?

There are a thousand different replies itching in Mara’s fingers. No, I haven’t fucking heard from Jude. You know we haven’t spoken in months. I kind of think you know why, too, and if you cared about me at all you would tell me what’s going ON.

That’s when Mara’s thoughts turn pathetic, as they always do. Something. Anything. Please god just tell me anything. If it got her some answers, she wouldn’t even care about how pitiful she sounded.

Mara growls, throws her phone at the couch.

Okay, so maybe she’d care.

Okay, so maybe what’s most tempting of all is a clean, simple, fuck off.

It takes a good few minutes of careful breathing before Mara is ready to let that one go.

All of that is anger, of course. Anger that would feel so, so good to express, to spit right out at Jamie – but beneath the anger there’s worry. A creeping fear. Why is Jamie asking her if she’s heard from Jude? Mara wants to believe that Jamie is insecure about Jude coming back to Mara, but…but what if it’s something worse? They’re in a dangerous line of work. Jude could be shortsighted, could be reckless. Anger is one thing, but the worry on its heels is a different monster altogether. It occupies Mara’s thoughts.

It’s not Mara’s business anymore, is it? She and Jude broke up. They haven’t spoken in months. If Jamie and Jude are so close now, then let Jamie worry about it. Let Jamie figure it out. It sounds great, in theory, just letting it go and moving on.

But Mara can’t. Letting go lasts as long as Mara can distract herself with cooking dinner and reviewing session notes and showering, but when she lies down to sleep, there’s no escape. When she lies down to sleep, Mara is left staring at the ceiling, obsessing over that text.

She’s had trouble sleeping since high school. Mara has a routine she sticks to religiously, one of those things that doctors swear will prevent this kind of night. Sometimes, though, even putting down her phone and reading a book and listening to soft music isn’t enough. Sometimes, Mara is left staring at the ceiling, well past midnight, thinking about Jamie, thinking about Jude.

Jamie thinks Jude might be with Mara, or at least talking to her. Does that mean something? Does that mean Mara might get an explanation, or to see Jude again? Is Jamie jealous? The bitter, mean part of Mara hopes so. The bigger part of Mara just wants to get some sleep, because her head is fuzzy and her eyes are stinging from continually swiping open to the white glare of her phone.

But no sleep comes.

It’s a little past 1 am when she finally can’t resist anymore, when she finally replies, and if Jamie reads something into Mara’s timing, well, fine.

No.

Jamie writes back within minutes, even though Mara knows she usually goes to sleep early. Nothing?

That’s what no means, Jamie.

Sorry.

The little gray dots pop up, disappear, pop up, disappear. Mara stares at them with morbid fascination. It just keeps getting later, and somehow, she’s never felt less tired. Her eyes burn from staring at the screen, but her mind is buzzing, buzzing. The text comes in. I’m just worried. We haven’t seen her around here for a while.

That makes Mara swallow hard. She flops back against her pillow, thoughts racing overtime. How long is a while? What kind of work do they have Jude doing, anyway? She’s supposed to be helping rescues in safehouses. That’s it. They all know she’s too impulsive for much else, likely to get caught in a fight or shoot her mouth off when she really shouldn’t. Goddamn stupid, impulsive, beautiful righteous Jude.

Mara finds herself on her feet pacing tight circles around her apartment. She’s been so good for so long, keeping all those stray thoughts of her ex out of her head. Now they overwhelm her – Jude’s eagerness, her bright eyes, her godawful sense of navigation, the dimple in her left cheek. Lib work is dangerous, no matter what way you spin it, so what does we haven’t seen her in a while fucking mean? Mara’s been angry and she’s been hurt, and it’s been brewing for months, but when she’s confronted with the idea of Jude in trouble, all that disappears. When she’s confronted with the thought of Jude in danger, all the fight drains out of her as neatly as a glass tipped on its side. Her knees feel weak, and she sits down on the bed again. Jude. If Mara was with her, things would be different. If Mara just knew where she was, could keep an eye on her…

Mara keeps staring at the unhelpful little words on the screen as if they’ll relent and change into something different, better, something that can give her peace of mind. Nothing changes, and she sets her jaw and forces a response, because she’s angry and afraid and she can’t just leave it there, not knowing.

Well, what happened? Aren’t you looking out for her?

I am.

Almost immediately afterwards, I mean, we are. Whatever. Just let me know if you hear from her, okay?

We are. Mara snorts darkly as she reads that, Jamie’s poor attempt at acting innocent. Sure, Jude has other friends, but Jamie is something else. Something more. Jamie is the reason Jude broke up with her. Mara knows it, even if no one will admit anything outright.

Hand coming up to scrub against her temple, Mara heaves out a sigh, and with it, forces down all the toxic, confused fury she wants to spit through the phone screen. When the anger abates, she feels suddenly exhausted, and more than a little afraid.

She reads the text again, focuses on the important part. Just let me know if you hear from her, okay?

Sighing, Mara taps out a response. Yeah. Try to keep her safe, okay?

Another almost instant response. I will.

Anger can’t be long denied, and upon seeing Jamie’s text, it bubbles back up under Mara’s skin. Really? Really, Jamie thinks that she can look after Jude? Mara and Jude dated for a year with no problem, and then as soon as Jamie entered the picture, things went south. Now that it’s just Jamie and Jude, things have gone to shit. So a promise from her doesn’t mean a whole hell of a lot.

Mara taps out a message but never sends it, even though she hardly sleeps two hours that night. Time drags by, and she tries to distract herself on the Internet, but over and over she clicks back to her conversation with Jamie, to read the words she wants to send but knows she shouldn’t.

Really, Jamie? You’ll keep her safe? Because it doesn’t sound like you’re doing a very good job.

#febuwhump #febuwhumpday6 #insomnia #pet whump #lady whump #lost cause jude

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microbiologynerdd · 4 years ago

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Placement Applications Top Tips - Student to Student

Hello Everyone!

I hope you are well and happy.

So I have some good news... after months of searching I FINALLY got a PLACEMENT!🎉

It has been a very long process, especially considering the pandemic that is occurring... not that you could forget that though, haha!

Given my recent success, I have decided to share my top tips that I have learn’t along the way to help anyone else out their looking for an internship. Some of these tips are more aimed at placement/internship years, however they are adaptable to short term internships too! Enjoy.

Top 10 Placement Application Tips:

1. Have your CV ready

In the UK Placement opportunities are advertised from September (the start of our academic year), thus you want your CV READY for September 1st... or there abouts. So when it comes to applying for positions you are ready to go.

2. Have a draft of your cover letter

Most placements want a cover letter, so draft one during summer. Find an old placement advertisement that is similar to role/s you are looking for. This way when you comes to sending a cover letter for a specific company, you are not working from nothing.

3. Make your cover letter job specific

If you are planning on sending a generalised cover letter, don’t. You are reducing your chances of getting an interview/ or being selected for the next stage of the process.Tailor the letter:

- Talk about the qualities they are looking for... e.g. good organisation or communication skills, mention how you have them.

- Look into the company, show that you have done your research. Tell them why you want to work for THEM. Make this concise.

4. Use your university academics to your advantage

Your lecturers, personal tutors and careers department are there to HELP YOU. So use them, you are paying £9000+, get your moneys worth!

Ultimately you want someone within your field to look at and analyse your CV and Cover letter, just to make sure you are writing in your departments style. As a science- based CV is different to a law-based CV.

5. Get Company feedback

This is more relevant to interviews but some companies also do this for applications. If your application wasn’t followed up to the interview stage... ask WHY! Be proactive, most companies wont give out feedback unless you request it.

USE THIS INFORMATION, is there a common theme? Apply this to your applications, edit your CV. Make your CV stronger!

If you dont ask, you dont get - Simples!

6. The more applications you apply for the bigger your chance of success

I say this within reason, if you are sending off applications in the masses and you are dropping in quality, then no this isn’t going to work. But if you are putting your hopes and dreams on 1 or 2 companies you are limiting your options.

I made this mistake, I applied for 3 companies and had interviews lined up for a couple months after. Just because you have an interview doesnt mean you are guaranteed the position. Many companies, particularly science offer positions within September to December, keep applying.

Competition is fierce, you will not be the only amazing application.

7. Don’t apply for placements that you aren’t going to accept

May be obvious, but some people do this. It’s a waste of time, dont do it. Put your time into your university work or other applications.

8. Don’t wait for the deadline - apply ASAP

If you see a placement, apply for or it straight away! Make the time!

Many companies can start interviewing early even when the deadline still hasn’t gone. For example, I applied for a placement on the 12th July, interviews occured on the 16th and 17th of July. The application deadline was the 24th. If they think they’ve found the right person, they aren’t even going to read your application.

9. Keep track of your placements applications

Make sure you know who you have applied for: save the advertisement, the deadline, organise your company-specific CV and Cover letter. Have you applied? Have you received an interview? Any feedback?

Make a table to keep track of it all!

This way you can stay organised and keep on top of everything - if you want a cop/template of the table I used for keeping track of my placements, let me know, and ill upload it!

10. You WILL get REJECTED - but that’s okay

A slightly direct statement but true. Accept it early on. You aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea, or what every company is looking for. But that’s okay, its a common theme in life, and a very NORMAL theme.

It doesn’t mean you give up, it means you try harder. I was rejected 9 times, 4 of those being at the interview stage. But I managed to get hired, you can too!

Learn from your experiences, every application, every interview is priceless chance of experience and knowledge. By the time you get into the big world of adulting you will a pro, and your rejections will reduce!

There you have it, my top 10 tips for CV/ applications! If you would like another one of these for interviews, or have any specific questions you want me to answer pop them in the comments or message me privately!

Remember I believe in you, its now time to believe in yourself! You’ve got this 💪

Speak soon, stay positive,

Lucinda x

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darkdevasofdestruction · 4 years ago

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Fluffy Kittens ~ Jumin Han x Katrina, Elizabeth the 3rd x Delilah

(( This is a birthday gift for my bestie who got me into JoJo and Obey Me, and even fangirled with me over Mystic Messenger, and since Jumin was her fave, more or less because of how cute Elizabeth the 3rd was, while I was all over Saeyoung and Zen...This goes without saying...

Buuuuut, since I wanted to make this extra cute and fluffy, and also make it more intriguing, while also adding Delilah playing and cuddling with Elly...This is gonna be pretty personal for the both of us.

Happy Birthday, Deli, even though you hate it, I’m wishing you all the best, and I’m super happy that we’ve been friends for...5 years? Or so? And even though we don’t talk regularly, I’m always happy to spend time with you IRL and sing silly things, watch Osomatsu-san, do JoJo poses and voice act again <3

As well as that, I’m sure you’ll ace the Graduation exams, because you’re a smart bby, even though you undervalue yourself so much, and you’ll DEFINITELY get yourself into Vet Uni and we will see each other more often <3

Also, thank goodness, you literally look like the MC from MysMes, this makes it so much easier since I didn’t get the time to draw the You x Levi thingy I’ve had in mind for half a year ^^” ))

---

Katrina and Delilah, two Veterinary Medicine students, were walking towards the park, as they found it very relaxing to study together, outside, on a nice bench, while also looking at the dogs playing around.

However, today was much different, for they found a phone on the ground, and the chestnut haired girl picked it up, examining it, then turned to the older girl with a confused expression.

“What should we do about it?” she asked, handing her the phone. “This looks rather new, almost brand new. Let’s see what contacts it has, maybe we can call someone and tell them about the missed phone. If not...Let’s just leave it here or something, it’s not really my problem.” she shrugged, rushing to sit on the nearest bench, as she unlocked the phone. “It has no password?!” Delilah sat down next to her, hugging her arm and leaning on her side as she peered into the phone’s screen. “Well, I don’t have either, but I’m not a careless airhead...This looks brand new, it has no contacts...” the red haired girl muttered in confusions, frowning slightly. “Look, there’s this app installed, RFA. Maybe it’s like a Messenger or something?” she proposed, as her friend nodded. “Okay, let’s see...Ah, look, there are some people here. Jumin Han, Zen, Jaehee Kang, Yoosung and 707. I guess it’s worth a shot.” Katrina said, opening the chatroom option, only for the the screen to start looking glitchy, and a man called Unknown to message them instead. “What’s going on...?” Deli asked with uncertainty, getting creeped out. “I say we throw this away, this is getting sketchy as hell.” Katrina frowned, leaning back on the bench, as the third party was giving them an address to give the phone to. “We shouldn’t. Who knows what could happen.” the red head shook her head. “But the person’s phone...This address is a pretty nice residential area, lots of young people live here. I even have University colleagues living there. What could go wrong?” Delilah convinced her friend, as she could only sigh, nod, and start walking in that direction. “If we live through this mess, I’m getting drunk.” Katrina chuckled, as she input the code and got inside the apartment.

The place was a little dusty, but it seemed pretty cozy, despite being a bit small. Even so, as soon as they stepped in, the glitchy background disappeared, and a long chat conversation that revealed all the chat members mentioned above...Until they realised we were there too.

Everyone was suspicious of us, and rightfully so, I’d say, but we were just as confused as they were.

Katrina: Look, so, uh...We don’t know who this ‘Rika’ person is, and frankly, we don’t care either. We found this phone on the ground and this RFA app was the only one installed. We wanted to call someone so we could return the device to the rightful owner, and my friend didn’t want to go to the police unless necessary. Well, I would’ve left it on the ground...But she’s an angel, anyway. To put it lightly, we’re as confused, if not, more confused than you are. Anyhow, we got messages to return this phone to this address, so there is that.

Somehow, Yoosung and Zen started talking besides the point, while Jumin tried to get them back on track and 707 was trying to hack and find out our identity.

Katrina: If it helps, we can send a selfie to show you that we are real people or something. On the other hand, if I guessed correctly, the pictures next to your names are your actual selfies.

Katrina: Ah, my friend wants to speak as well. I will write in Italics, while she’ll write in bold, to make things easier to differentiate.

Zen: Are you a woman?!

Yoosung: OMG! I guess only the picture will tell!

707: Zen. Be more serious, plz?

707: And wait a sec on the woman thing.

707: Looking it up.

Katrina: Wait no more. Lo’ and behold, the beauty and grace of a Devil and an Angel.

Urging Delilah to get closer, Katrina extended her arm out to take a selfie. She smirked mischievously, as her friend smiled softly, offering a peace sign.

Katrina: Satisfied your curiosities?

Then, they started introducing each other one by one, more or less forced by the other, and it was clear that this party was rather...Unique.

When Yoosung introduced himself, Delilah gasped and took the phone from her friend’s hand.

Katrina: Omg, Yoosung, I know you! You are in the same University as me! You are 2 years younger than me, but I saw you around! My name is Delilah, but I understand if you haven’t seen me, I’m not the most flashy around. Katrina also finished Vet Uni just last year, and she has been working at this super high tech clinic for a few years now!

Katrina: Woaw, Deli, fate sure fools around in mysterious ways. Oh well, Yoosung is still young, but you must be very hard-working and diligent if you got yourself in such a difficult University. I wish you luck for the years to come.

Yoosung: O M G ! ! ! That’s SO cool! Maybe we can hang around some time! Or eat together at the cafeteria, if our schedules have some common breaks!

Zen: LOLOL Yoosung, you lucky guy.

707: I can confirm, they’re real cuties!

Katrina: Haha, thanks.

Seeing that this conversation eased the others a bit, Seven posted a picture of Jumin with his cat, and...

Katrina: OHMYGOD THAT CAT IS GORGEOUS OMG!!!!!

Jumin Han: Finally, someone who can appreciate beauty around this place.

Katrina: You should see Delilah, she’s gushing and squealing over how adorable Elizabeth is.

Katrina: Well, I have to agree anyway, she is very pretty.

Katrina: CAN I PLEASE PLAY WITH HER ONE DAY?!

Jumin Han: I wouldn’t let a stranger get anywhere close to my precious Elizabeth the 3rd.

Katrina: :C Okay...

Jumin Han: If you prove yourself to be a person of trust, and respect Elizabeth, unlike these guys here, then I may consider it.

Katrina: !!! Thanks, Jumin, you’re the best!

Katrina: Graciously spoken.

Katrina: Anyway, I’d appreciate it if you’d tell us what to do from now on, since we sincerely have no idea what to do. We would like to go back to the park and continue studying, but, uh...You don’t sound like bad people, so we wouldn’t want to inconvenience you either. We can’t remain to this place for too long, obviously.

As soon as Katrina wrote that, they started talking about this ‘V’ person, or the person in control of this RFA organisation, and while at it, Seven hacked into their social medias and said they were cute, while the others seemed shocked they were girls.

Then, V convinced the girls to help them host this charity party, and thinking it wouldn’t be too bad, at least for their CV, they agreed. What was rather sketchy for them was the address reveal...So they decided to stray away from that part, and not talk about it again.

Jumin Han: So, Katrina, Delilah, I will follow V’s decision. Will you join RFA?

Katrina: Sure. We don’t have anything to lose. We just have to respond and convince some guests to attend, and one the day of the party, be free the whole time and attend. You can count on us.

Katrina: It sounds like it would be fun!

It was all nice and dandy, unless they started talking about relationships, which made the red haired girl groan, roll her eyes and throw the phone on the desk, while slumping in the chair and leaning way back.

Katrina: I don’t get why you’re so upset over relationships. It’s no big deal, after all. It’s much better to cuddle cats anyway ^^

Katrina: I second that. Relationships are a drag, and humans are even worse. And selfish. I’m married to my work. Dating life ain’t for me, it seems. *shrug*

Zen: That...Sounds so sad ;;;

Jumin Han: I believe that’s rather sensible.

Zen: Shut up, you’re always fawned over by women!

Jumin Han: Women who only want me for my money.

Katrina: LOLOL, you’re sugar daddy material or what?

Zen: Lolololol Katrina you’re funny.

Yoosung: Jumin is the CEO of one of the wealthiest companies in Korea.

Katrina: Oh, great. Good for you.

707: Lololol this is funny. It’s like we’re talking to a female version of Jumin lololol.

Zen: Oh, God, no.

Katrina: I...Don’t know how I should react. Should I take it as a compliment?

Jumin Han: Yes.

Katrina: Very well then.

Katrina: Oh my God, imagine how happy Elizabeth is! Jumin has so much money to pamper and spoil her! What a happy baby!

707: Lololol yes, Elly is defo a happy cat!

Karina: I wish I could pamper Tsuki like you pamper Elizabeth too, Jumin ;;

Katrina: ...Same with I and Fifi, to be fair.

707: OMG YOU HAVE CATS TOO?!

Katrina: Yes, I do! Her name is Tsuki, she’s a British Shorthair, and she’s soooo cuteeee!!

Katrina:

Katrina: I agree. She’s adorable. And her meows are so high pitched and cute...

Katrina: Omg, Katrina made such a cute cat smile just now-

Katrina: DELILAH!!! >:C

Katrina: Hahaha so cute ^^

Katrina: Ahem. Well, as for my Fifi, she’s a dog. Bichon Havanese. Spoiled little baby. But, uh...I don’t think it matters much, seeing that you seem more interested in cats, which I can understand. Elizabeth and Tsuki are gorgeous.

Zen: I want to see something other than cats, please.

Katrina: Consider it done.

Katrina:

Katrina: She’s more photogenic than I’ll ever be lolol.

Katrina: Mood.

707: Omg I wanna play with both of them, at the same time!!

Jumin Han: Great, new animals for the abuser.

Zen: Fifi is so cute! Just like her owner~. *wink sticker*

Katrina: Haha, thanks, Zen. Likewise.

Yoosung: Zen is allergic to cats, and Jumin keeps talking about Elizabeth, so...It’s a mess.

Katrina: Lolol poor Zen. Better not get close to the clinic I work at, then.

Katrina: Awww, that’s so sad, Zen! Look!

Katrina:

Katrina: LOLOL DELILAH THAT’S EVIL HAHA-

Katrina : Hihi ^^ Everyone loves kitty toe beans!

Zen: I can already feel a sneeze-spree happening again.

Katrina: C’est la vie. Not everyone can enjoy the beauty of the world, unfortunately.

Jumin Han:

Katrina: LOLOLOL Jumin, you’re so savage!

Jumin Han: Glad I could amuse you, Katrina.

Zen: Why are you all so evil...

Katrina: Yo, I’ve a question.

Katrina: I know we don’t really know each other, but y’all seem like really nice people, so uhh...

Katrina: Even though you don’t trust us, I would like to go out to a pub with all of you.

Katrina: Maybe after the party, so you won’t be suspicious of us, or something.

Katrina: With so many unique personalities, it’s bound to be quite a successful hangout.

Katrina: That, and we don’t really have too many friends to hang out with lolol.

Katrina: ...That too. *shrug*

Yoosung: That’d be so cool! I’m in!

Zen: Omg, Katrina, so cute! I agree, it should be fun.

707: An opportunity to leave the house! Yes!

Jumin Han: Assistant Kang, make sure you keep that in our schedule.

Jaehee Kang: Very well...I agree it would be interesting, but...

Jaehee Kang: Can we really trust them so easily?

Jumin Han: Only time will tell.

Katrina: Well, it was nice talking/getting to know you all, but we have to go now. I’ve work tomorrow and Delilah has upcoming exams. Tschüss.

Katrina: Talk to you later!

---

A few days after the whole chaos with the new phone, during one chill evening when the girls were watching a movie together, they saw Seven, Yoosung and Jumin chatting, so they decided to see what the talk was all about.

Jumin Han: Elizabeth the 3rd hasn’t been eating anything since she came back from Assistan Kang’s place.

Jumin Han: I have to call her.

Yoosung: Why don’t you call her rather than going online?

707: Since he can take care of things without hearing her voice?

Katrina: Jumin, if I may, perhaps Jaehee fed her too much. If you want, however, I have a few years of experience working in the clinic, I could check on her briefly, if you film her for me, or something.

Katrina: Although I would understand your skepticism if you don’t agree. It may be akin to home privacy invasion, since bits of the home may get captured in the video.

Jumin Han: You are very thorough in thinking of different possibilities.

707: Omg I’m jealous, I want a private video chat session with Elly too!

Jumin Han: Her name is Elizabeth the 3rd.

Jumin Han: Very well, Katrina, I will trust V’s judgement that you are safe.

Katrina: Thank you for trusting me enough to allow such a thing.

Katrina: And omg, your chat bubble is a cat, that’s so cute! Can Seven do that for us too?!

707: I’ll see what I can do!

Katrina: Sweet, thanks. Jumin, call me when you’re free.

Jumin Han: Very well.

It wasn’t long after the chat that Katrina received a call from Jumin, and they both activated the video option, and from one end, a huge, beautiful, modern bedroom, and on huge bed, Jumin was holding Elizabeth in his lap.

On the other end of the video, a cozy little bedroom was shown, as Delilah was holding the phone, while Katrina was nowhere to be seen, which confused the man.

“Where is Katrina?” he asked, his eyebrow raised. “She went to get the laptop and cable, so we would see the video better. I hope you don’t mind that I’m here, but Katrina thought it would be educational to see her ask about the anamnesis and checking up parts, as I’m going to start volunteering at the clinic at the end of this University year too.” Delilah explained, a smile on her face as she saw the fluffy cat. “It’s fine, I don’t mind. Educating yourself is never bad.” Jumin nodded, as Katrina came in the picture and propped the phone on the laptop, so Jumin would see them, while they were looking at the laptop screen.

“Can you see us well, Jumin? We can see you perfectly.” Katrina asked, almost too professionally, as she fumbled with the laptop video settings. “Yes, it’s well enough.” he nodded simply. “Okay, all good. I will begin the anamnesis, which is asking the pet owner what they saw unusual, if they saw anything. That includes eating habits, dejections, unusual fur shedding, odd behaviours, unusual bad breath, odd eye movements, whining, crying, tail movements, if they seem exhausted or depressed, if their abdomen is flexed and so on.” Katrina explained, leaning closer to the screen to look at the cat. “Nothing unusual, except she hasn’t eaten since she came home from Assistant Kang. I even counted the hairs she shed, and it’s not unusual” Jumin explained, which made the red haired girl widen her eyes. “Damn, you’re the most diligent and attentive pet owner I’ve ever met in my life, including myself. You’re a wonder to work with. Well, the fur seems luscious, the claws look fine, so the keratin levels are good, her eyes are wide and nice, she seems to be following the toy perfectly, she has great reflexes, seems pretty playful, her nose is wet, her ears are up, her abdomen isn’t flexed...That only means one thing. Deli, can you guess?” Katrina looked at her friend with a warm smile. “She...Ate too much? That’s the only thing that I can think of.” she asked shyly, which earned a bright grin from her friend. “That’s exactly it! Jumin, as far as I understood from you, you’re treating Elizabeth with extremely strict measures, which means strict food portions, and only food that specialists deem is the best for her. Jaehee doesn’t have all that, so she gives her, for example, 2 cans of food, instead of 1 and a half, which means her stomach is fuller than usual, so her satiety levels are above the usual levels. Basically, she’s so full she can’t eat until everything is properly digested and she’s had her sport done.” Katrina explained everything thoroughly, as if it was one of Hercule Poirot’s detective novels. “Ohhh, that makes sense! That was pretty exciting!” Delilah clapped her hands excitedly. “I see, so it is as I suspected. Thank you for confirming my theory. Sorry for taking your time with this.” Jumin said, making the girl raise her eyebrows in surprise. “I always have time for friends.” Katrina blurted without realising. “Friends...Huh? I thought people called their peers ‘Friends’ when they realised they can fully trust them.” Jumin asked, almost as if he was interrogating. “...I, uh...I see everyone from the RFA as friends. That’s just that, don’t think too much about it.” Katrina dismissed it quickly. “Very well, I won’t. The party is in 4 days, are you ready for it?” he asked, making both of them widen their eyes in shock. “...I think we are. Just...We need to look for an outfit.” Delilah scratched the back of her neck awkwardly. “We’ve been so busy with work and exams, and the party was announced so suddenly...Well, we were kinda put on the spot. We’ll go look around tomorrow. Hope we find something nice and cheap enough to afford.” Katrina shrugged, looking away from the phone, as if there was something much more interesting she was seeing. “It’s good to be prepared in advance, but I can see why you’d have difficulty with things like this, considering your positions.” he nodded, understandingly. “We appreciate that. Well...Even if we haven’t been around for long, we truly hope we can help make this party great. We are aware that it won’t be as successful or grandiose as the ones with Rika were, but...We will try our best to get close to that.” Katrina spoke again. “Were you trained in diplomatic speech? Because I can sense that. Not many people can do that.” Jumin asked again, as Elizabeth jumped off from his lap, to roll around on the bed. “Awwww, she’s so cute!” Delilah gushed over the adorable creature. “I can’t say I was trained, I just picked it up. Add that to the fact that I have to be polite with everyone, and there you have it. Is this what you call a professional defect?” Kat snorted in mock amusement. “Perhaps it is. Some tend to call me snobby for always being formal.” Jumin said as a matter of fact. “What a coincidence...People hate me for being cold and formal too. Que drôle.” she smirked, speaking in a softer, almost self-deprecating tone. “That’s how people can be. They must always hate on something. I suppose that’s why Zen hates me.” Jumin spoke in a low voice. “Sorry, Jumin, but not everyone can be a patrician like you. Most of us are plebeians working our way up.” Katrina laughed softly at her stupid joke. “Every vassal can become a Lord.” Jumin pointed out, making the red head snap her head to him, with a challenging smirk. “Said the monarch.” she shot back with ease. “I wouldn’t say I’m a Monarch, that would be the president. I would, however, be a Lord, I believe.” Jumin retorted just as well. “And I would be nothing more than an unfree slave, working her way to buy her freedom.” she spoke with a smug expression. “And what would that imply?” he asked, almost with piqued curiosity. “Building our own clinic. It’s been our dream for a long time. To be in the same University, to work together, to own a clinic together and just...Live our life and be happy. If we achieve that, we will be free.” she explained, a much softer expression on her face. “I see. It’s always refreshing hearing other people speak about their ambitions and dreams of the future. Much better than the usual lies business people throw at you. Thank you for today Katrina, Delilah, I must go for now. Have a nice evening.” Jumin thanked them with a small smile, as he hung up. “...Thanks for today too, Jumin. Take care.” Katrina murmured, despite the call already having ended. “He likes you. At least, more than some others. And you’re kinda alike in some ways, I mean...I think he and you are constantly facepalming whenever you’re talking to idiots, and now both of you finally managed to run into a person with the same kind of maturity and intelligence as the other.” Delilah explained, making her friend become slightly flustered and confused. “You think so? Well, I wouldn’t mind. Jumin seems smart and level-headed enough...But I don’t know. I don’t think...Uh...We’ll see at the party, I guess. It should be fun. If anything happens, you get custody of Elly the 3rd.” Kat chuckled nervously at her friend’s teasing, before winking at her. “Oh, yes!” she cheered in glee.

---

Two days later, however, the girls couldn’t go dress-shopping, as an emergency that nobody could ever even think to expect happened, which made the red haired girl’s whole life collapse on her, crushing her.

As she was ready to go to work for the morning shift, Fifi, her dog, was in a corner, barely moving, looking terrible and there were bits of blood on the ground around her.

Panicking, Katrina ordered the first Uber and rushed to the clinic, as they have amazing equipment, so she could examine her dog, only to find that she has a lymphoma and a tumour on her spleen, which made the girl curse herself for not realising sooner.

She ran to the clinic’s owner, begging her to let her operate on her dog and have someone assist and help her...

Only for her to refuse, unless she gets a tremendous amount of money to compensate, the same amount of money that any customer is forced to pay...

Why couldn’t they just let her do it?!

She was pissed off.

She was desperate.

She went back to the operation room, hugging her dog, and taking out her phone, she took a deep breath and called the only person who could be able to help her.

“Hello? Katrina, what is it, did you need anything?” Jumin asked in the same passive voice as usual. “Jumin, I...I...I need your help. I know, it’s going to sound horrible, and I don’t want you to think that I want to use you or anything, but...But I need some money to perform surgery on Fifi. I begged the clinic’s head to let me do it, that I would pay for it over time...I-I even told her that she could give me no salary for as long as I pay my debt, but she wouldn’t agree. I...I don’t know what to do, Jumin. I have some money that I managed to save, but this...This is more than I could dream of sparing. And if I somehow manage to scrape the money from God knows where, I won’t be able to pay the rent or help Delilah with University pays and...And I...I don’t know what to do...” Katrina slid down one of the cabinets in the surgery room, looking at her dog on the surgery table, that looked back at her, crying. “...I understand this is a difficult situation to be in, but you have to understand that, even though V trusts you, I can’t just throw around so much money to a total stranger that I have never met, especially if it’s the company’s money and it will have to be justified.” Jumin sighed, speaking in a low, almost business-like voice. “JUMIN, I’M BEGGING YOU, I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR THIS! If you want to see me in person, I will give you the clinic’s address, if you want me to pay you back, I’ll resign from the clinic and work for you 24/7 until I pay my debt, I-I-I...I don’t know, I will do anything you want, ANYTHING, just PLEASE, help me out, fast, because she has cancer and a spleen tumour and if I don’t operate today, and start chemotherapy. I don’t know how long she’ll have.” Katrina started crying on the phone, and her dog started whining softly in front of her. “Don’t cry on the phone, it’s hard to understand what you’re saying. Text me the address and I’ll come examine the situation, and only then I will debate whether to give you the money or not, is that fair?” he asked, making the girl grin and clutch her blouse. “Yes, Gods, yes, it’s perfect! More than perfect! Thank you so much, Jumin, I owe you my life forever. I just texted you the address, I will be waiting for you. Please, please, PLEASE come as soon as you can.” she begged him once again. “Don’t thank me yet, I haven’t given you the money yet.” Jumin spoke, a bit unsure of his words. “Doesn’t matter. You’re willing to go out of your way to help, and that’s more than enough. I truly appreciate it, Jumin. I’ll go try to beg the chief again. See you.” she hung up, standing up and kissing Fifi on her head softly. “I’ll save you today, baby. I promise.”

The girl jolted on her feet, going to the head of the clinic to try to beg her again, hoping to persuade her, at least until Jumin arrives, but she wasn’t able to stop the river of tears going down her face.

“Why can’t you just let me do it?! I’m not going to disappear without paying you, but it’s an enormous sum of money, I can’t just come up with it by snapping my fingers, and she’ll die if I don’t start acting soon! Do you really care so little for an animal’s life?!” she tried her best not scream her frustrations away, but the chief had none of it. “This is a business, not a charity party, Katrina! We need money to continue this place, every little coin matters!” the boss tried to defend herself. “But I’ve been your employee for years and I said I’ll give you back all the money! Hell, I told you to stop paying me until I’ve repaid the debt! What more can I do to let me save my dog?!” she cried out, feeling her heart drop, not hearing the door opening. “That’s exactly why! You’re just a mere employee, not THE boss! I AM the boss, I AM the rule here, and I’m telling you that if you still wish to have a place to work at, then shut your mouth and use the little money you have to put down your dog. Just a piece of advice.” the woman in front of her talked so harshly, that it made the girl’s jaw hit the floor in disbelief. “I don’t believe that’s how a proper employer should speak to her employees.” a low, judging voice came from the door of the clinic, revealing the brunet man walking inside, like a guardian angel. “J-Jumin...!” Katrina could only stare at him, wide-eyed from shock and emotions, as her emerald green eyes were swimming in a pool of mixed feelings and frustration. “By how the situation unfolded in front of me, I can see that your emotions were genuine on the phone, Katrina. I’m glad I put money on this card, it’s obvious that your employer is subpar to you in every way possible, and it’s a pity that you have to downgrade your skills to somehow like this...” Jumin shook his head, taking out a blue card, making the girl’s bottom lip quiver and throwing herself at him, hugging him with all the strength she had in her little body. “Thank you so much, Jumin. I owe you everything. I owe you my life. You’re a literal angel, Thank you so much for saving Fifi’s life.” her fingers were clutching the back of his blazer, which made the man get stunned for a few seconds from the unexpected action. “If you’re going to perform surgery right away, I’d like to watch. I want to see what happens with my money.” he cleared his throat, trying to make the girl stop being overly emotional. “If he gets in the operation room with you, I’m not giving you another assistant.” the boss snatched the credit card, snapping her head to the side. “Oh, screw you, you heartless bitch!” Katrina growled, shoving aside the woman in front of her and dragging Jumin tot he operation room. “It’s fine...I can do it. I can do it on my own. It’s not that hard. I can do it.” she muttered to herself, taking a few deep breaths before prepping for the surgery. “You’ve never done it before, have you?” Jumin took off his blazer, rolling up the sleeves of his white shirt and leaning on the wall to get a good look at the whining dog. “...I’ve only ever assisted a few times, but at least I know what has to be done.” she ruffled her hair a bit, before putting it in a high ponytail and putting the dog hooked to anaesthesis. “She’s going to fire you when you’re done here.” Jumin said as a matter of fact as the girl started the surgery. “...I’d have resigned anyway, as soon as I found another place that would hire me. There’s one thing to compromise and stomp on your pride to maintain a job or gain a benefit...But there’s another to go completely against your principles and convictions and let someone humiliate you like that. I’m a human, not a martyr and I have no reason to accept being treated that way. No amount of money or benefits can buy me.” she ranted a bit irritated from the previous encounter, as she focused on removing the tumour. “That’s admirable, if true. Not many people can say that. Trust me, if you work in the same field as me, you’d be more aware of that.” Jumin replied after a few minutes. “If you came here, I think you know I’m speaking the truth, and you just needed confirmation. Rational people are like that. They need proof to back up their reasoning.” she shot back, carefully putting the tumour on a plate and beginning to sew the incision, only for the anaesthesia levels to go down, and the breathing and pulse rates were going down, which freaked out the girl, who dropped the utensils to start fumbling with the tech and getting some medicine to keep up the rates to a normal level. “Should I call for-...” Jumin got up, trying to help, but the girl was much faster. “Yes, you can help. Get here and make sure the numbers here are between parameters. I will finish this up so no more damage will take place.” she dragged the man, instructing him quickly, but well explained, as she worked around the incision, getting rid of the additional bleeding and finally successfully sewing up the wound. “Are you sure you don’t wanna be a doctor or something? You have great reactions and don’t panic under pressure. You were amazing, Jumin.” she took off her mask, throwing away the gloves and slid down the cabinet, looking exhausted after the long procedure. “You explained well what I should do. A great leader makes the followers perform well. You will be great when you open your clinic, and I’m sure Delilah is going to learn a lot from you.” he said, sitting down next to her. “Thank you, Jumin. Your words mean the world for me. Thank you for saving Fifi...I owe you the world...Because she is my world.” Kat rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. “If you want to owe me, how about you become Elizabeth’s private doctor. I’m sure Delilah would be happy to have an excuse to stay around her more often.” Jumin chuckled, as the girl raised her head, cocking an eyebrow up in shock. “I’ve already wasted enough of your money, I couldn’t possibly impose so much on you and have you pay me or something. Besides, I...Uh...I don’t want to end up for you the same as Jaehee. I enjoy your company and our interactions...I wouldn’t want that to change in a more professional way or something, so bad that you can’t listen to my voice or try to avoid or run away from me.” the girl sighed, hanging her head. “You said you don’t want to be an unfree slave anymore and that you’re going to work your way up. If you want to get rid of the title of Vassal, then you could become a Lord’s Lady and-” Jumin started talking, but he was quickly cut off again. “No. If you want me to be your girlfriend, I won’t refuse, but that means that I will never take money from you. It’s either romantic or professional, you choose. But if you’re that confident in my skills as a doctor, then you should know that both I and Delilah are going to treat her anyway, so you won’t really need a private doctor or anything.” she spoke a bit colder than usual, not even realising. “I see. You said you won’t be bought, and you stay true to your words...Maybe a bit too much. It’s rather unusual for me to meet a woman like you, who’s not, as Luciel would call, a...Gold digger. But I’m glad I met you. You are a strong and sensible woman with a gentle heart and a fire passion to do what’s right and save as many lives as humanely possible, and I admire that about you.” he turned his head to her, who could only look in surprise at him. “...Nobody I’ve dated...Or met...Ever said such nice things about me. Katrina, you’re so cold, Katrina, you’re so heartless, Katrina, why do you act like a hedgehog around me, Katrina, why do you never have time for me, Katrina, why do you love those animals more than me. Katrina, Katrina, Katrina, you’re such a goddamn failure as a girlfriend. You say this is unusual for you, but this is equally unusual for me as well.” she scratched the back of her neck awkwardly, looking away. “Then I suppose we can figure this out together, if you want. I believe we have quite a few misconceptions to clear out for each other.” he smiled softly, putting his arm around her, bringing her closer to his side. “Wanna go for a quick coffee or something? There’s this pretty nice cafe close to my home. Nothing extravagant or expensive...Just a small, little vintage cafe with a nice and calming atmosphere.” leaning in, she cuddled to him, having a tranquil smile as well. “Doesn’t sound too bad.” Jumin nodded softly. “Oh, and...I’m paying. No arguing here.” she said firmly, making the man chuckle, agreeing nonethless.

---

A year passed, they had other RFA charity parties, they hung out a lot of times, all of them, together, Delilah became Elizabeth’s private doctor, which obviously meant that her and Tsuki would hang around Jumin’s place for play dates with Elly under ‘professional’ pretextes, much to Katrina’s annoyance, Jumin made sure to gather fund for her dream clinic so both girls could pursue their dreams, and made sure to include animal charities and animal-saving related guests to all the RFA parties, and things overall seemed so much simpler and balanced than ever before.

One beautiful Saturday, Jumin and Kat were cuddled together in bed, both of them doing some light reading, as the door was opened and Delilah’s gentle smile greeted them.

“Hello, Doctor Delilah.” Jumin greeted the girl playfully, as she blushed lightly from happiness. “Hello, Jumin!...Awww, Elly, you’re cuddled with your toy, you’re so cute!!” the girl cooed at the adorable white feline. “I’m really happy that her love for cats got her to pursue her dreams and get to this point where she’s surrounded by cats everywhere she looks.” Kat looked over to her friend with a side smile.

“I and Katrina are going to leave next week on a business trip. I think it will be no problem if Elizabeth was to stay over at yours, am I right?” he asked, and seeing as the girl’s eyes started sparkling with glee. “Any time! She’s a wonder to have over, and Tsuki is always happy to play with her!” she replied, hugging the cat, as Elly put her paw on her nose softly, melting the girl’s heart. “Great to hear. And you, Doctor Kat? What are meow going to do with Fifi?” Jumin nudged her with his usual subtle playfulness. “I’d do anything to hear you meow more often, it’s adorable. Maybe purr a bit too...I’ll leave Fifi to Jaehee. She doesn’t shed hair like Elizabeth does, and Jaehee needs some leisure walks too.” the red haired girl teased as she started softly scratched him under the chin. “Meow.” Jumin did a cute cat and small cat smile, burying his face in the crook of her neck, purring softly. “I was right...Meow are adorable.” the girl giggled in amusement, cuddling closer to him, “As are you.”

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger imagine #mysmes imagine #mysmes #mystic messenger x oc #mysmes x oc #jumin x katrina #jumin han imagine #jumin han #mysmes jumin #elizabeth the 3rd #delilah #delilah loves cats #happy birthday sweetheart #I love you #I'm really happy we're friends #<3 #can't wait too see each other again #very soon

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codevassie · 4 years ago

Text

a heart he couldn’t control (destined to love and hate and damn forever) Part 4

CV: Thanks for your patience! I've been caught up in schoolwork, my other publishing fic, and my big bang lately. I work on this fic oftentimes when I need a break, so it might be slower, but it's fun. And thank you everyone, as always, for your comments and likes! You make me so happy to be writing this.

CW: Referenced Abuse

@winterwynd @escalatingtoofast @prox-xima

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Tracking magic had never been Virgil's forte–in fact, he was more the opposite; great at hiding magic–but finding who'd entered the forest was simple enough.

They'd wanted Virgil to find them, after all.

"You shouldn't be here," were Virgil's first words to him.

Patton stepped forward. "You were missing, Vee," he said, eyebrows furrowed but voice soft. "What was I supposed to do?"

"It's barely been a day. How'd you know I was even gone?"

"You underestimate a father's intuition." Patton stepped even closer, taking Virgil's hands in his. Virgil let him–the only person he'd probably ever allow to touch him so easily. "What happened?"

Virgil looked away, ashamed for some reason. Ashamed he couldn't fight her off? That he hadn't even tried? The witch still frightened him to hell, and now he was bound to her.

"She found me," he whispered. That was obvious enough. He was in the witch's forest, after all. Patton had known to look for him there–known only one thing could pull him away without a goodbye.

"But you got away?" Patton asked, voice hopeful. He was referring to Virgil's presence outside the caves. He shook his head.

Reluctantly, he retracted one of his arms and pulled up the sleeve. Patton gasped.

"I can't leave," he said, hiding the sigil once more. "Not this time, Pat."

Not this time.

-/-

"Another intruder," Dee sighed, entering the room. "It's like they're not afraid of the witch anymore."

But Virgil had already jumped up, grabbing his cloak. "I'll get it!" he exclaimed. Dee and Remus both looked at him, shocked. Virgil recognized his mistake. "Um…"

"You always wanna get out of the caves, don't you?" Remus said, flicking a rune stone at his head. Virgil ducked. "Wish I could go out."

Virgil felt guilty suddenly, remembering the sigil on Remus' arm. While Virgil ran through the forest, Remus was stuck in here. The furthest out he could go was the lip of the caves, where he often joined Virgil in stargazing.

While Virgil dreamed of getting away, Remus was stuck in the knowledge he never would.

Suddenly, Virgil didn't feel all that great about going.

"Well, you already called it, Virgil," Dee drawled. He no doubt wanted to see how his aging potion was doing.

And Virgil did still want to go out.

He looked towards Remus, who had lounged back onto his bed, throwing more stones at the ceiling. He glanced Virgil's way.

"Tell me if you find anything cool when you get back," he suggested. Virgil was so grateful.

"You mean something gross."

"Same thing."

Still, Virgil's guilt didn't dissipate. Especially when he thought about what waited for him out there.

Or who.

"Patton," he greeted, once he'd tracked the intruder. The boy turned around, smiling a wide, tooth-gapped grin his way. The forest was always so dark, but it felt like Patton brought the light.

"Anxiety!" Patton greeted. Virgil's smile tugged awkwardly, remembering he still hadn't given the boy his real name.

It wasn't like he could hurt him at all if he knew it, but Virgil had never trusted anyone outside his family before. It had taken a long time to trust Remus after he'd joined their bunch, and Patton was an intruder. Someone there to steal, or hurt, or bargain their soul with the witch.

Virgil knew now that wasn't Patton at all. Patton was like him, like everyone in his family. But he wasn't trapped in some forest. He lived among other people, had a job and friends.

Even with his magic.

"How are you doing?" Patton asked.

Virgil shrugged. "Alright. Same as ever, I guess."

Patton's lips stretched a bit to make up for the dip in his smile. As subtle as it was, Virgil noticed it. Over the past couple months, Virgil had really come to know Patton well.

"Have things-" Patton said disjointedly, like trying the words out in his mouth, "Been… alright?"

"Yeah, I guess," Virgil said, nibbling at his lip. "You might be coming around too often, though. Dee commented on the increase in people coming in."

"Oh," Patton said, sounding disappointed. He perked right back up though, like he was allergic to negative emotions. "I had a question I wanted to ask, though."

"Really?" Virgil said, trying not to be too anxious about that. No casual question ever came after declaring the intent to question first. "Shoot," he said, trying to keep his voice level.

Patton toyed with the strings of his cloak, only a beat to contemplate before he blurted it out.

"Do you want to leave the witch's caves?"

-/-

Patton was quiet. Virgil was afraid to look up, see the crush of hope on his face. Nothing could be done. Patton hated feeling helpless, especially when it was others who needed help.

"Maybe I could spell it off?" he said, but there was no confidence in that answer. Virgil shook his head.

"Only she can remove it."

"We don't know until we try," Patton tried again, voice growing stronger. "Maybe I could. Maybe with just a little determination, strength- maybe if we both-"

"Pat," Virgil said, finally looking up. Patton looked on the verge of tears. His words died on his tongue. All Virgil could do was shake his head.

"We got you out," Patton choked out.

Virgil reached to him, unable to stand it anymore. Patton jumped into his arms, and Virgil held him tight. "I know," he whispered, eyes blinking rapidly, trained on some trees behind them. "But maybe I was never supposed to."

Patton pulled away, an angry look on his face. Virgil gawked at the expression, remembering only a few times before he'd ever seen it.

"There isn't supposed to. There is what you want. She has no right to trap you! She has no right to control your life!" Patton knelt down, picking a basket off the forest floor that Virgil hadn't noticed before. "And I'm going to show her that."

"What?" Virgil said, moving into Patton's way as he tried to go past. "What do you mean? You can't think you can actually go against her."

"Well, I'm not going to just leave you."

Virgil shook his head. Vigorously. "No. No. Your magic is strong, but, Pat, hers is so much stronger. She's a witch. She's trained for this all her life, under people who study it religiously."

"Then what do I do?" Patton exclaimed. "I can't do nothing."

"Yes. Yes, you can," Virgil said. "You have to."

Patton's eyes were misting up again. He shook his head, either to get rid of the tears or disagree. Maybe both. "No- No-"

"Patton, please," Virgil said, struggling to maintain eye contact. Because he had to get this through Patton's head. He had to know Patton wouldn't go after him.

This was the end of the road for them.

"I'll be fine," he said.

Patton looked at him, devastated. "I don't believe you."

"Thank you for everything," Virgil said. If Patton wasn't going to believe him, he might as well tell him some truths now. Something he could believe in. "I'd never had a friend before you, but I don’t think I could have had one better."

His brothers were his friends, sometimes. But never before had he had anyone who stuck around because they wanted to, that seemed happy to see him and told him stories and helped him out all because they liked him–not from obligation or family trust.

Once upon a time, he'd had that kind of bond with Dee and Remus. Not friends, but family–strong in a different way. Once upon a time, he would have done anything for them.

If put to the test, he still just might.

"You're the best friend I've ever had, kiddo," Patton said. "But don't you dare think this is goodbye."

Oh, Patton. Always so optimistic.

"Okay," was all he said.

"I'm serious," Patton said. "I'll figure out a different way to get you out."

Virgil turned, facing away from his friend now. Whatever his expression was, it'd be bad news for Patton to see. "You need to get out of her forest."

Don't come back, was the unspoken message behind it.

Patton came up next to him. Virgil refused to look, but he spoke anyway.

"Don't give up hope."

Then, with a snap of his fingers, Patton was gone in a cloud of blue smoke.

-/-

Virgil couldn’t do tricks like that. He’d always wanted to, since being able to disappear at a moment’s notice was perfect for escapes, but Virgil had never gotten the hang of it. Most of his magic came from panic, fear. Wanting to get away from a place was only half the battle with that kind of magic.

To transport, one had to envision where they’re going in their mind. You’d have to remember tiny details, like the smell of the air or the number of trees around. Patton, being naturally gifted as he was, had told Virgil once that he was able to match his emotions with certain places, focusing on that as a tether to bring him from place to place. Virgil had tried that too, but it was difficult to distinguish between his emotions in his head. He had a lot of them–he was sure of that. But he couldn’t sort them, couldn’t put names, much less places, to them.

That’s why protection charms and invisibility magic were his strong suit. They relied on intuition. Not understanding the feel of magic inside you or how it works around you. Virgil reached for it when he needed it, no thought or talent necessary. Just a pull and reaction.

Virgil had never really been good at magic–a great source of frustration for the dragon witch and an even greater source of fear for him when he’d been under her instruction. She’d tried to teach him out of books, but he just didn’t get it. She’d had him attempt all sorts of magicks–potions and charms and curses–explosion, impersonation, augury, sigils, herbs, poisons. She threw him out into the forest, locked him into dark tunnels of the caves, set him after intruders, all with the intent that he would learn something, be the student she had wanted.

He could pick up tricks, and he’d learned more than his fair share of spells, but Virgil was never great. Dee had always been the one who worked hard, did well. Maybe he wasn’t a natural like Patton, though Virgil had never met anyone as naturally akin to magic as the man, but Dee worked harder than any other. Compound it all into years and Virgil was sure Dee must have surpassed him by leaps and bounds.

That was all to say, Virgil had to go back on foot, and, despite having roamed these forests for all of his adolescent life, he was having some trouble finding his way.

“I blame repression,’ he mumbled to himself as he came across another of the witch’s sigils. It was etched in a starkly different pattern to the one on his arm, but it still made his lungs knot in all sorts of funny ways. Virgil hovered his hand over one, purple hue glowing complimentary to the light of dusk, and his mind was thrown into the right direction.

He stumbled throughout the forest all morning, trying to find his way back. He wouldn’t be surprised to see Dee looking for him soon, probably at the instruction of the witch who might have thought he’d escaped. Dee would know Virgil had gotten lost. That’s probably something he didn’t miss–being Virgil’s constant babysitter.

As the sun poked through the trees, barely breaching the thick foliage above, Virgil ran up to another sigil, getting impatient at the time this was all taking. The witch would use this as an excuse to make his first lessons horrible–or more horrible as they would have been. She had to have been looking forward to punishing Virgil for his escape.

Escape. Virgil sighed thinking of it. He had told Patton no–a definite no, no buts about it. It was impossible with this sigil. Virgil had ran away before, knowing she wouldn’t let him go, knowing she would find him again one day, and he’d pay the price. Virgil had known this was all that was coming for him.

Someone like him. Virgil was bound to this, of course. How could he have thought he could have anything more?

Magic was illegal, and he belonged to the dragon witch. Was there anywhere else Virgil could have ended up?

Still, he thought of it–thought of escaping once more–of going faraway, further away, so she wouldn’t find him this time. Maybe somewhere magic didn’t exist–or curses that led her right to him.

Could Virgil really give up this easily?

He was holding his hand to the new tree when he heard it. A gasp from behind him. He whipped around, cloak billowing slightly behind his back and smacking against the tree. Virgil brought his hands around, still glowing, to face the stranger.

“Who’s there?” he dared to ask, voice coming out gruff and defensive. There should have been no one else in the woods. The witch had only mentioned one intruder, and that had been Patton. Who else would have been stupid enough to enter the witch’s land on an early morning like this?

There was another gasp from one of the trees, a sliver of motion poked out from behind it. Virgil lifted his hands a fraction higher, nerves crawling into his throat. His magic might not have been the best, but he could still cause a bit of damage. Whoever this was wouldn’t get away with anything there.

But the figure spoke one word, taking him aback.

“Virgil?”

It was Virgil’s turn to gasp. His hands glowed brighter against his will, feeding on his adrenaline, as he once more called, “Who’s. There.” His voice sounded a bit strangled, but it was strong and demanding too. Virgil was never one to go down without a fight.

Until recently. Until a witch had grasped his wrist and transported him back to the caves, and he’d gone, without a kick or a punch.

Slowly, the person stepped out from behind the trees, a tall, straight-shouldered figure with their hands up, cloak hiding the rest of their features and face. While they remained in the shadows, standing confident, relaxed, Virgil had been caught in the light, shoulders scrunched and eyes peering fiercely from behind his hair.

Silence stretched between them as they remained facing one another, neither moving, neither speaking. Virgil held onto his magic, drawing from it the sick comfort he had learned to wield throughout his life. The other stayed undefended–a clear display of where the power between them laid–before stepping forward. Virgil’s breath went in just slightly, but he didn’t move.

And, as they moved into the light, it was his eyes Virgil recognized first.

It would have been impossible to tell in the midmorning fog, but Virgil knew them already–mossy green, both confident and self conscious, alive and unconfined. They’d always been so warm in his library’s light, despite his teasing attitude. The only time Virgil had ever technically seen him elsewhere had been at the construction site, and in the midday sun, they’d glowed–not with magic, as Patton’s often did, but with life and excitement, danger and adventure.

Virgil had never longed for danger like that. All his life he’d dreamed of freedom and life outside the caves, but it wasn’t until he’d met Roman that stepping out of Patton’s protection, the safety of his library’s walls, the known feelings and experiences he could clutch in the bindings of a book–not until Roman had any of it felt… attainable.

Virgil had taken risks in his life. Escape was his greatest risk. But there was the risk of having magic in the kingdom, the risk of leaving everything he had ever known for a stranger in the woods, the risk of saying goodbye to old family and making new friends.

The day he had met Patton, his risks had begun.

The day he had met Roman, they didn’t feel like risks anymore.

And, no, it wasn’t love at first sight. No, the risks were still there, and Virgil was very afraid of them. He was afraid of everything–the dark, change, his own magic, talking to people, facing his past. But the day he had met Roman…

Roman was an idiot. He’d been prince a shorter time than Virgil had lived there–so new to it all and inexperienced. He was clueless, truly.

But he was idealistic. He was ambitious. He was brave and strong, and he had a heart of gold.

He had all the power he could have in that little kingdom, and yet he wanted to protect his citizens.

That had confused Virgil.

The witch had never wanted to protect. She claimed to, but it wasn’t right. Every day she’d say she was keeping them from jail, from execution, all because of who they were. Then she hurt them, screamed at them, sent them into the forest alone, locked them into small spaces, burned sigils into their arms to ensure they would never leave.

Power meant corruption. It meant taking what you want, and it meant people listening to you, or else. But Roman didn’t do that.

Roman actually… wanted to protect.

Protection. It was one of his strong suits, but only in the moment. Only, really, for himself.

Virgil had always wanted to be better at protection magicks. What would it have been like, if he were ever strong enough to protect the ones he loves?

He’d never helped Dee or Remus. Never helped Patton. Definitely never Roman.

They’d protected him. All his life.

Virgil sighed, lifting his head a fraction to get a better look. He didn’t push back his hair, letting it maintain a barrier–protection. Always protecting himself.

“I should have guessed you’d come looking,” Virgil said, trying to sound aloof. He couldn’t believe he would have overlooked this. Roman was always one to dash off into danger headfirst, no thoughts about it. Even if it hadn’t been Roman’s fault, even if Roman didn’t… didn’t love Virgil or whatever, he still would have come looking to help anyone in need of it.

Roman gave him a little smile, one that Virgil found himself latching onto like a lifeline. He didn’t quite know why. Maybe it was because that smile reminded him of the kingdom, of their town and his library. Virgil had been gone for a day, but he missed it all so much.

It felt much longer. Perhaps because he had accepted it.

It was easier when it all felt faraway, like a life he had never known. Less painful to give it all up.

But maybe it was something else. Virgil couldn’t imagine what, but it felt like he was missing something. The reassurance in Roman’s smile–it felt like something beyond home and safety.

Perhaps noticing Virgil had relaxed, Roman reached up to pull down his hood, his face illuminated in the dim light. He stepped forward as Virgil lowered his arms. In that motion, Virgil noticed something all too familiar about the man’s form.

“That’s-” he cut himself off, unsure if he was seeing things right. But there was really no denying it. He raised a hand again, this time not glowing purple but pointing. “That’s my cloak.”

“What?” Roman asked, face alighting in surprise as he looked down to where Virgil gestured. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Virgil asked. “How the heck did you get that? It should have been in my rooms above the library.”

“Patton gave me it,” Roman said. “I guess I know why it didn’t really fit him.”

“Patton had it?” he asked, but it made a lot of sense. A lot more sense than Roman randomly taking it. “Of course he did. He would have needed it for the forest.”

“Yeah, he was really insistent that I take it. I traded my cloak with him, though, so he won’t be cold,” Roman reassured and… okay, Virgil tried really hard not to be charmed by it. They were in the middle of the witch’s forest, he said Patton acted weird enough trying to get him to take the cloak, but he was worried about Patton catching a cold?

“Of course Patton would want you to take it.” Virgil nodded, focusing on what he could handle at the moment. “The cloak has magic. All those patches on it? They’re woven with protection charms under one purpose: hide the wearer from the dragon witch. It’s the reason I could hide from her for so long. Any time I left the library–which is also covered with a shit ton of protection magic, mind you–I wore it.”

“That’s why it’s familiar,” Roman said, looking down at the fabric. “You were wearing it that day at the construction site.”

“Yep,” Virgil said, popping the p. “It’s good you have it. You need to stay hidden from her at least until you get out of here. It was smart Patton gave it to you. At least he had a better way out.”

“A way out?” Roman asked, tilting his head. “Wait, he was here?”

“He was,” Virgil agreed. “I sent him back. Just like I’m about to do with you, unless you want to end up in a witch’s stew.”

“What? I’m not leaving you here!” Roman rejected, sounding indignant at the very notion. Virgil sighed, an uncomfortable heat spreading throughout his body. This had been expected but, still…

“So now you’re concerned about me?” he asked.

Roman’s eyes went wide, and his mouth flapped a bit like a fish. Virgil scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“You made a deal with my life, Princey,” Virgil said, spitting the nickname out harsher than he’d ever before. He didn’t know why he was doing this. Roman was only saving his brother, saving himself when he’d made that deal. The witch would have killed them both for Roman’s intrusion. Those who entered the forest may make it out alive, but not those who found the cave.

“I- I didn’t-” Roman stuttered. Virgil could hear how flimsy an excuse it was bound to be. Roman was a good man. He knew he couldn’t defend a thing like this. He would have already thought this was his fault.

Virgil didn’t like the feeling in his chest. It wanted to forgive Roman, wanted to stand by him even if they were watching the world burn under them. He knew Roman would never let a thing like that happen under his watch, but it was the sentiment of it.

Virgil would. That’s all that would matter.

“What? You didn’t know it’d be me?” Virgil asked. “You thought you wouldn’t care about the person you, what, fell in love with? You thought you could just give them up and not care, just as long as you had your kingdom and your brother and your life.”

“Virgil-”

God, would Roman stop calling him that? He was used to the nicknames, the light jabs–not this. Not a Roman who was scared. Not a Roman who came back for him. Not a Roman who was in love with him.

“The witch probably didn’t even cast love magic on you. You know that, right?” Virgil carried on, turning his head away. He couldn’t stand to keep looking at Roman. “Just because she says you are, doesn’t mean you are, okay? So you don’t have to come rescue me or whatever. You don’t have to go out of your way because I’m suddenly some damsel or something. The witch rigged it and now-”

“Virgil.”

Virgil stopped and found himself listening. Because, damn it, something in him wouldn’t obey his own head–something suddenly wanted to hear Roman. That same frightening something that wanted to stand by him, that wanted him out of there so bad that he was willing to say anything.

“It doesn’t matter if I’m in love with you or not,” Roman said, and his voice carried over the words easily, like loving was easy, like loving Virgil was easy. “It doesn’t matter. I know it’s my fault you’re in this mess, and I’m going to get you out of it. On my honor.”

Virgil shook his head, mouth scrunching in his bitterness. His eyes were uncomfortably hot. “This isn’t your battle anymore. I don’t need your help. It’s not your responsibility either. You got Remus out. If any of us could, then it had to have been him. That place wasn’t good for him.”

“It doesn’t change that it wasn’t my choice to make,” Roman said. “I shouldn’t have traded your life. It’s wrong.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does.”

“You can’t change it,” Virgil insisted.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t try,” Roman said back, arguing and heated, before he took a deep breath and calmed again. “So come with me.” He held out a hand. Virgil looked at it.

“I can’t,” he said, voice coming out too soft, too… defeated. “I belong to her now.”

Roman took a step closer, drawing further out of the shadows. It was funny seeing him in the darkness, when he was so full of light. Virgil, against his own better judgement, found his own feet moving forward as well and they stood where the darkness met the light.

“You’re shaking,” Roman noted. Virgil already knew he was right. He had never been great at hiding his nerves.

“She’s going to catch you here,” Virgil said by way of explanation. He couldn’t protect Roman–not when he belonged to her. There wasn’t much Virgil could do anymore.

“I’m going to get you out,” Roman said again. Insistent, like Patton. Virgil had trouble believing either of them. He found himself winding his hand through Roman’s anyway. Roman looked down at it, then back to Virgil’s eyes, searching.

Searching… for what?

“Please go,” Virgil whispered, pleading with his eyes. If Roman was searching for something, Virgil would give him something to find.

Holding eyes for a moment longer, something passed over Roman, and he looked down.

“Then I will,” he breathed.

Virgil felt himself breathe too–far more relieved than Roman’s. That was, until Roman’s hand slipped from his.

He watched it go, like a leaf in the wind, slipping through his fingers like water. It made something in Virgil stop.

Virgil took a staggering step back, and, when he looked up, Roman was watching him go. He wasn’t stopping him.

Virgil turned to leave, heart hurting something deep and new, something he didn’t understand. He stepped forward now, walking past Roman and into the shade of the trees behind him. Before he could go, however, Roman spoke up one last time.

“This doesn’t mean I’m giving up, Virgil.”

Virgil stopped, but he didn’t look back. He closed his eyes for a moment. Evened his breath.

Then, he walked into the trees, determined that this was goodbye.

It wasn’t until Virgil was lost again, searching for another of the witch’s sigils, that he understood what hurt most about it.

That thing that had stopped in him when Roman had let go–like Virgil was holding his breath, and he couldn’t release it until he saw him again–like the world was on standby.

Virgil didn’t need a curse to understand.

But that’s okay. He didn’t want it anyway.

-/-

Dee had been sitting at his desk for an exceedingly long time. The afternoon previous, the witch had gone out, instructing him to take his studies into his own hands for the day. Over the years since they'd lost both Virgil and Remus, she had been placing a lot of trust in him with his education.

And less trust with him and the outside world.

Dee had no interest in the world outside of those caves, so it didn't bother him when she barred travels into the towns and eventually even outside her own forest. She still used him to root out intruders, to collect herbs and stones from the boulder garden, but outside of necessity, the caves were all he knew.

So studying magic was what he did. Day in. Day out. Where before spells were under her supervision, Dee was free to learn. Where books were held in fear, Dee had stacks upon stacks of them. As long as it was for magic.

When Virgil had arrived, Dee had been sitting in place for hours already, head buried in an old tome and hands wrapped around a small flask. It was an attentive recipe–focus crucial to its success. Dee had to continuously swish the mixture when he added in something new or risk the magic going flat and fizzling out.

It had been ruined, of course, when Virgil stumbled his way in. And even when he went to bed soon after their little argument, it was impossible for Dee to focus.

He sat up all night, trying to fix the concoction, only for his eyes to continuously dart to the huddled figure on the other side of the room.

Dee still hadn't slept when Virgil got back from patrol. His back was killing him, and his eyes were strained to hell. He couldn't muster an ounce of focus.

This potion was a dud.

"You haven't moved, have you?" Virgil asked. Dee didn't remove his eyes from the flask. "You won't be able to do it until you've gotten some rest, you know."

He still didn't answer back. Dee wasn't sure what it was–pride, anger, fear–but the silent treatment still seemed like an excellent way to deal with the matter.

Virgil had left. He didn't really care. And he didn't get a say in what Dee may or may not do.

He wasn't stupid. Of course he wouldn't be able to focus–not without sleep, not with Virgil looking over his shoulder, not now that he could think of nothing else but Virgil's betrayal and sudden reappearance.

Self care didn't always mean relaxing. Sometimes self care was giving your ex-almost-brother the cold shoulder until you gleaned some sick satisfaction off of his hurt.

And then subsequently felt guilty that he was hurt. Because, damn it, he still cared for Virgil, as inconvenient as that was.

So, yes, silent treatment. Virgil wasn't off the hook so easily, and Dee didn't like admitting he was hurting. He'd just take lashing out as his own little therapy and deal with his pesky abandonment issues at another date.

Or maybe he would realize Virgil wasn't still trying to talk to him.

Dee's eyes bore holes into his desk, waiting for Virgil to ask him something more, to complain about his obvious silent treatment, to get frustrated with him. Virgil didn't give up that easily. He didn't get hurt at the get-go, and, even if he did, he'd hide it with his normal grouchiness.

But he stayed silent right back.

Something sunk into Dee's gut, and he suddenly found himself reeling, clutching the table in front of him for support, despite already being sat down. Because Virgil wasn't acting the same. He wasn't doing as Dee had predicted.

Because it had been years and maybe… Virgil had changed.

Dee could usually keep his cool. He was level-headed in situations like Virgil and Remus never had. He was an observer and a denier. A data-collector and ill will ignorer. Dee could avoid a shrewd gaze with the ease of an oblivious man and the eyes of a scrutinizing one.

He could not dismiss his urge to look now. Dee couldn't feel the narrowed gaze that should have been there or the thick tension at ignoring Virgil's advice. In fact, the room seemed to lack any presence at all.

So he looked. Just to make sure Virgil hadn't left. He could have gone to the lip of the cave like he'd always done, and the witch hated that. Dee had never been above dragging his ass back.

He looked, expecting to find an empty room.

He didn't foresee Virgil once more curled up on his bed.

There he was: huddled under his cloak, which he hadn't bothered to put away. His face was hidden. His shoulders were in. Dee had seen Virgil in various stages of fear, in different shades of happiness and sadness and anger. But there was something new there, and it left Virgil vulnerable.

Vulnerability was dangerous around the witch. Virgil knew that, and it was probably the reason Dee had never seen him quite like this.

It reminded him of Remus–there in the next bed over once upon a time. On days where his eyes were empty and he would forget things. It wasn't the same, but there was something hauntingly similar between the two.

Virgil didn't give up on arguments. He didn't leave Dee to fry himself out after an all-nighter studying. Virgil didn't look like this–tired and empty and hopeless.

Dee turned himself back around to his desk and stared blankly at the book propped up in front of him.

This wasn’t right. This wasn’t the Virgil that would sneak off to the lip of the cave to look at the stars. It was the Remus trapped here, unable to see the sun most days, mind growing further from them, from the memory of a brother that would one day come to rescue him–a brother who hadn’t given up like Dee had thought.

Had Virgil changed so much in the outside world?

Or was it the caves’ doing all along?

#sanders sides #prinxiety #virgil sanders #ts anxiety #roman sanders #ts creativity #ts #writing updates #ahhcc #tw referenced abuse

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finoalcielo · 5 years ago

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[𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗇𝗌𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇] Mutsuki Hajime’s Birthday Tweets 2020

Source: @/jikudam

I’m taking suggestions for translations. Send me an ask/message with the date of the tweets you want me to translate, and I’ll do my best!

If I’ve made a mistake please let me know. I’m not good at Japanese! Please don’t repost/retranslate or anything!

Happy Birthday Hajime! P.S. Hajime is just too cute in this. Too cute.

☆ Today is Mutsuki Hajime's (CV: Toriumi Kousuke) Birthday ☆

Haru: Hajime! Happy…

—All: Birthday!

Hajime: Thank you Kakeru: I’m glad that you were able to come home quickly~ Hajime: It’s my birthday, right? It seems I said something selfish. Koi: Is it because you wanted to celebrate with us? Hajime: Fufu, it seems so?

#Mutsuki Hajime's Birthday 2020

☆ Today is Hajime's Birthday ② ☆

Arata: (breaths)…! The power of the birthday-limited extra soft King is a critical hit! *Aoi: It sounds like that ramen (laughs). But I understand Kakeru: Hajime-san’s face, on his birthday, becomes very lively, which I think is a little cute Hajime: Ah. I might possibly be more excited than the past.

#Mutsuki Hajime's Birthday 2020

*I’m not sure if I translated this right, so please correct me!!

☆ Today is Hajime's birthday ③ ☆

Koi: Eh, really? Hajime: Ah. It’s celebrated here and there, right? It's fun to be surprised by unexpected people. Haru: You don’t really know to what extent they’ll go to when it’s for work. Hajime: Today, we had cake at every location. 5 cakes. Haru: +1 cake with ours. Amazing

#Mutsuki Hajime's Birthday 2020

☆ Today is Hajime's birthday ④ ☆

Arata: I’m jealous, but didn’t you get full? Hajime: When I thought of the kind feelings they put into it, I ate all of it. I like sweet things. Aoi: Hajime-san, you’ve always liked eating from the start Haru: The reason why you became a good cook is because you want to eat what you want to, ne?

#Mutsuki Hajime's Birthday 2020

☆ Today is Hajime's birthday ⑤ ☆

Hajime: Ah, I’m a very simple person. I cook because I want to eat what I like. I want to get stronger, because I hate losing. If I have something I want to know, I’ll study it. Because I like all of you, Six Gravity, I stay. I haven’t changed since I was a child. Probably… I’ll never change (laughs)?

#Mutsuki Hajime's Birthday 2020

☆ Today is Hajime's birthday ⑥ ☆

—All: Ugh!!

Haru: Hajime… Hajime: ? Haru: It becomes difficult to handle when Hajime is too dere, so please control it. Hajime: What do you mean? Haru: But I would like a good dose of it daily Hajime: What do you mean? Kakeru: For the time being, let’s celebrate it magnificently! Koi: Let’s celebrate!

#Mutsuki Hajime's Birthday 2020

☆ Today is Hajime's birthday ⑦ ☆

Aoi: Happy birthday, Hajime-san! Arata: To catch up and surpass. Becoming a man who can rely on Hajime-san is a gift and my goal Haru: Let us have a wonderful year with lots of smile! Hajime: Ah, thank you everyone.

Hajime-san, happy birthday!!

#Mutsuki Hajime's Birthday 2020

☆ Bonus ☆

Kai: Did you see our leader? It’s Hajime’s birthday, so he might have already vaporized. I wonder if he’s still floating here… Koi: You might not find him since he’s vaporized (awkward laugh). It might be better for us to wait for him to solidify.

Aoi: This conversation is strange

#The air quickly became Shun* #Mutsuki Hajime's Birthday 2020

*So I searched it up, apparently, it’s a play on words. [シュン] means to become upset, so I believe it’s a play on Shun’s name…? Correct me if I’m wrong!

Shun: Ha~ji~me~☆ Is the celebration with everyone over? Can I celebrate it with you now? Can I? Hajime: Ah… wait a minute Shun: I’m waiting Hajime: … Shun: … Hajime: … Shun: ………What are you writing? Hajime: Wait a little longer (laughs) Shun: Yeees~ Hajime: …I did it. This year’s resolution Shun: …It’s so like you

#Mutsuki Hajime's Birthday 2020

Hajime: Once again, thank you for the congratulations. Gravi, Procella, and our TsukiPro friends… and everyone who continues to support us. 2020 where we will walk together. Hold your head high, and try to challenge it. Please treat me well this year as well.

#Thank you for your kind feelings #Mutsuki Hajime's Birthday 2020

#My translations #tsukiuta #mutsuki hajime #hajime's birthday #hajime is too cute #I LOVE you hajime!!!!#Shun... I understand you #Everyone in gravi... I understand #uwuw so precious #this is why I first got into the fandom!#cielotranslations #birthday fest 2020 #six gravity #procellarum #mutsuki hajime birthday fest

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youremeimyou · 5 years ago

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The Bet (pt.2)

Part 1 - Part 2

pairing: Kim Taehyung x Reader genre: fluff, a little more angst than the first part word count: 4k warnings: none other than stressful college life

Description: Taehyung and Y/N have managed to form a strong bond over their years of college. According to their friends, the chemistry between the two is undeniable. But the duo would rather not risk the close friendship. The very friendship that’ll be put to test by the boldest of bets, it seems.

A/N: This part turned out to be more like on the “college au” side of things. I enjoyed writing it so much. The ending parts killed me everytime I read it :’) So I really hope you guys like it. I’d love it if you guys let me know what you think of it. Enjoy!

When Y/N woke up next morning, she didn't feel the least bit rested. Considering it was already next morning when she finally came home and went to sleep, it wasn't that surprising. She grabbed her phone to see if there were any texts from.. well, someone she wouldn't admit to be expecting texts from. Instead, a long list of missed calls from both her parents greeted her on the screen. Do I have to meet them? Do I have to get up and shower right now? Her brain answered yes to both. She quickly got ready and rushed to the little café they always met up at.

"So, how was finals week?"

"Do you have to shout mom?" Her mom wasn't shouting but boy was Y/N hungover. Her parents were confused. Both because she was being a prat and because she was wearing sunglasses inside.

"Sorry. I just have a migraine."

"Oh sweety, didn't you take your medicine. You probably ran out on finals week didn't you?" And bingo. Somehow her mom knew how her daughter struggled with exams and still wanted her to do the best.

"Let's buy you some new ones from the pharmacy down the block."

"It's okay, dad. I'll take care of it. How are you guys doing?"

"We're doing just fine sweety. Your mom made-"

"Let's tell her! I can't wait any longer." Her mom cut in. Then she continued with a wide smile.

"Remember the lab you were talking about last mounth? The one you said you loved the work they did."

"Yeah, BioGrid. Why?"

"You know your dad's friend Ryu used to be the driver of the CEO. And turns out, once he drove his wife to the hospital when she went into early labor and saved her life. Anyway, I saw on the newspaper that they were opening a new lab here in our city. So I had Ryu send them your CV. And they want to have you start as an intern."

"What? Mom when did you- and how did you-" Y/N was confused to say the least with all the information she was fed in just a few seconds. "But, I have school."

"I know, dear. They also know you're still a student. They agreed on making the schedule in a way you can do both. I mean with how well you're doing, damn right they should."

Both her parents had proud looks on their faces. It was endearing. But the fact that no one even thought to ask for her opinion beforehand, frustrated her. She was -like always- just suppossed to find a way to handle both. Always had to exceed expectations let alone meeting them. And yes, she'd really love to work there one day. Not this day though. She already had enough migraines regarding school. But, she wasn't gonna argue. This was a topic she could never be found right about. So she just expressed her gratitude and everyone went on with their brunch.

.........

Y/N's phone screen lit up with back to back messages. She rolled to the other side of her bed to reach it.

Tae: Sorry, I was out at the backyard shooting hoops.

Tae: Didn't hear you call.

Tae: Whassup?

She was relieved he got back to her. Hoping it would mean he wasn't avoiding her.

Y/N: No problem. And nothing's up. I mean something is but I'd rather not text about that right now.

Her phone started ringing a few seconds after she sent the text.

-‘Taetae’ calling...-

"Hey, Tae-"

"What happened?"

"I just wrote that-"

"You said you didn't wanna text about it. So I called. Now, tell me."

Y/N smiled. He always just knew how to make it better. So Y/N told him everything that went down and how she felt about it.

"Sounds to me like a great opportunity. Yet, also a great deal of work, huh?"

"Yeah."

"What're you gonna do?"

"What can I do but comply?"

"You can try to talk to your parents-"

"When has that ever been an option? And I already contacted the lab. They said I start Monday. Monday's like tomorrow!" He could tell she was frowning and scrunching her cute little nose, through the phone. "Anyways, what're you up to?"

"Gotta hit the library from now on. Full-on study week awaits. I've to take the make up test next week for plant bio. After I handed my paper to the teacher after the exam and saw the look on her face, I knew I should've given an empty paper instead of writing any kind of answers."

They both chuckled to that.

"Can't be that bad.." after Taehyung didn't reply for like five seconds, she continued, "can it?"

"Oh, it is." Both giggled again. "I was actually gonna ask you to tutor me this week. But you’re starting the internship. I gotta pull it off by myself somehow."

"No way am I letting you suffer plant bio alone. Of course I'll help you."

"You don't have to really. You already have that nanobiotech article review thing Professor Ling assigned you. When's that due again?"

"Shiiiittt. I forgot about that. That's next week.."

"You should get started on it."

"I will. I mean.. first I gotta find an article to review but I got this. And I'm definetly helping you out." She laughed. It was a nervous laugh but a laugh nonetheless.

"Just get started on your stuff. We'll talk later."

"Okay. Text me when you're headed to the library. Bye."

It turned out the next day was indeed Monday. So Y/N started the internship. BioGrid was really nice. She felt happy to be there, witnessing the new frontiers of her field. First they discussed the schedule, then they started working. She never imagined her first day to be this tiring.

After the busy first experience, Y/N finally got on the bus home. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. It was a set of links sent from Taehyung. All the links were of articles related to nanobiotechnology. She felt her heart flutter.

It was Friday and the week went by in a blink of an eye for Y/N. She was so busy all the time. She mostly went to sleep with headaches and woke up with them still there. Only could drop by the school for a few classes. Oh yes, she was also taking summer school for extra credit. It was easily the most worn out she had ever been. But she was glad she made it to the 9.15 class today, In hopes to finally see Taehyung who she hadn't seen whole week. So naturally, it was dissappointing when he didn't show. As she was walking out of the class she saw the announcement paper hanging on the notice board.

'Classrooms determined for Saturday's Plant Biology make up test'

Holy shit. Y/N completely forgot about tutoring Taehyung. She quickly called him but no response. Again and again she called as she practically ran to his apartment but he never picked up. Once she knocked on his door, she heard someone else alongside Taehyung's familiar voice through it. Then, there was the sound of footsteps getting closer and closer until the door opened.

"Y/N? Hey-"

"I know we only have one day, well even less than a day till the test but we can do this." Y/N brushed past Taehyung and let herself in. "Now step aside and let me force every single bit of knowledge I have upon you abou-"

She swallowed the rest of her sentence when her gaze met Jessie's who was sitting comfortably on Taehyung’s couch.

"Oh, see Taetae? And you thought smartypants forgot about you."

Jessie was being her usual irritating ass self towards Y/N. Y/N didn't have any beef with her, though. She was just another chick who’s sore about the fact Taehyung spent more time with Y/N more than any of the girls in school. Y/N knew being hated by most girls on campus came with the Taehyung friendship package.

"I never said that. And don't be annoying, Jess."

Jess? Really? What happened to Jessica or even Jessie at this point?

"What are you guys-"

“I’m teaching Taehyung stuff.” No one spoke for a brief moment. Because this was definetely not something anyone would consider normal. So, Y/N was kinda right to be baffled.

“Yeah well, who knew? Jess knows school stuff and she can share it with others. Wow, right?”

Jess. Tch….

Jessie just glared at him. “I guess you know all you can fathom at this point. I’m done here.” She started walking towards the exit. She stopped suddenly and turned back to say something she forgot to. “Breathe a word of this me tutoring thing to anyone and you can probably guess that it’ll be ugly.” And with that being said, she walked out.

“So.. are you really ready for the test?”

“As ready as I can be, I guess. I almost peed my pants when Jessie said she could help. But she really knows her stuff, I gotta say. Guess plants are just her thing.”

“I did see her trying to hide her results paper in plant bio once.”

“Yeah, that sounds like her. Hiding good grades to keep from ruining her reputation.” Taehyung smiled. And Y/N couldn’t believe how much that annoyed her. It was just a simple comment about the girl and a simple smile. And Y/N didn’t understand why but she was openly hurt.

“Why didn’t you call me Tae?” she asked with a frown.

“I knew you were busy.”

“I can unbusy myself for you. You know that. Instead you go to Jessica. No wait, what was it? Oh right, Jess.”

Her voice contained anger and dissappointment. And it was coming on much too stronger than she intented to.

“I told you she was the one who offered to help-“

“Yeah, because you confided in her. Not me, not any of our other friends but your Jess.” She practically yelled this part. And as soon as the words came out, she regretted every single one. Y/N knew it was her that messed up, not Taehyung. She supposedly came here to apologize but what greeted her when she came in made her see red. And the rest was history.

“She’s not my Jess. That’s not and will never be a thing.” Taehyung on the other hand remained calm. Even through the bitchy exterior, he knew Y/N was just stressed. He couldn’t bring himself to be angry with her when she had dark circles around her eyes like that.

“And speaking of our other friends, hyungs were asking about you the whole week. So was Chungha. I thought you would’ve at least talked to her at some point.”

Y/N couldn’t speak to anyone lately. Not even her best friend as Taehyung pointed out.

“Anyways, they figured out we hung out last Saturday. The hyungs gave me a ton of crap cuz they didn’t see you since like last month or something and I didn’t take ‘em with us to the party.”

Y/N knew she had a lot to make up for. It was true that she didn’t really hang out with her friends for almost a month. First it was the finals week, now she had the internship. It was starting to get really lonely.

“How are you doing with the article review? I hoped I could take some of the weight of your shoulders but I doubt the ones I sent were helpful.”

Taehyung continued the conversation like the arguement never happened. He wasn’t making eye contact with Y/N though. He went to sit on the table and looked out the window. The way sunshine landed on his face and made the brown locks of his hair seem blonde was perfect. The way his long eyelashes brushed his cheekbones as he blinked was perfect. There he was being all beautiful in front of her. She wasn’t supposed to feel this way.

“Once again, I forgot about that assignment. But the second one you sent was perfect, actually. I’ll go on from that. I only have to clean two labs and write reports on the devices in those labs before, that’s all.”

“Wow. I hope you get paid for that shit.” He smiled a beautiful smile and their eyes met.

“Not enough, if you ask me.” She returned it with a grin.

“Try not to forget about the artice again.” His smile became a part frown to show his worry for a quick moment. Then he broke the eye contact again and continued looking out the window. Y/N felt like it was time to go.

“I’ll see you after your test. We should gather everyone to hang.”

He replied with a nod.

“Good luck.”

She went home after that. And announced a gathering in the group chat as promised.

-‘Chungha monster’ calling…-

“Before you yell, I’m sorry I didn’t check in with you since forever Chungs.”

“You think I’ll yell about that when there’re more important things? You went out on a date with Taehyung!”

“It wasn’t a date! This is why we don’t invite you guys anymore-“

“Yeah yeah, sure. I heard from Cho that he was all over you, so spill.”

“And he said there wouldn’t be anyone there who knew us.”

“Why? So you could do piravate stuf-“

“Chungs stop!” Y/N felt flustered.as.fuck.

“Fine, I’ll force the details out Monday when we meet. I missed our gatherings. Good thing you planned it.”

“I know, me too. See you then!”

Swiftly, the weekend went by with Y/N cramped up in a ton of work again. On her mind was Taehyung. How’d he do for the test? Why hasn’t he called since last time? And why do I miss him like this? She decided to give him space after going kinda crazy on him last time. She just had to wait till Monday. And Monday came but Y/N didn’t know cuz she was still stuck at the lab. In fact she couldn’t go home Sunday night, watching over some plants crucial to an experiment.

This internship had a way of making her lose track of time. Until she saw the 38 missed calls from Chungha. Then she asked for the rest of the day off and ran to her best friend’s aparment.

“Sorry I’m late you guys. I missed you sooo much.” As soon as she walked in, the gang gave her a collective hug. Then each of them scolded her for being absent for such a long time. Especially Jin, he gave like a whole lecture on it.

Jungkook, Jimin and Hoseok trapped her between their bodies and took a bunch of selfies, calling it her punishment. Y/N was giggling as she tried to free herself from three koala bears. Once she finally managed to do so, she gave them a questioning frown.

“Where’s Taetae?”

Jungkook and Jimin immediately looked at each other, then on the ground. Hoseok just shrugged.

“He cancelled last minute. Family thing I guess. We were gonna celebrate him passing plant bio but sadly he can’t make it.” Chungha answered. Y/N’s heart sank. She waited all weekend to give him space. But now it felt like he was out of reach. Even though he was calm and collected last time they saw each other, she felt like he was distant. After what happened at the party, Y/N was more drawn to him then ever before. Like a switch was flipped and she wasn’t able to put away the attaction she felt like she used to be. But he was acting like it didn’t even happen. Like nothing changed for him. It drove her crazy.

“Oh, Y/N. Proffesor Ling told me she loved the review you sent her. She just couldn’t put in the marks due to a problem in the system. She says grades will be up there in a few days.”

“What? I didn- I mean I forgot about that again and I- but how-“

“Girl, you’re blabbering. Let’s start the movie guys.”

Y/N didn’t even focus for a moment during the movie. She checked her mail and saw that the article review was indeed sent. But it wasn’t her who did that. Apperently it wasn’t Chungha either so that left only one person. The one guy that wasn’t here right now. The guy who made Y/N’s heart beat out of her chest.

After the movie everyone went their own way. It was already dark outside. Despite being tired Y/N didn’t want to go home. Ever since she started as an intern, it felt like she had no time to do stuff. She decided to take a stroll down the riverside. Tonight was also too breezy to be a summer night and Y/N didn’t have a coat, again. The river happened to be really close to Taehyung’s place. Would you look at that coincidence! There was nothing more Y/N wanted than to see him at that moment. So she went to his place and knocked his door, waiting anxiously.

A messy haired, puffy faced, confused looking Taehyung opened the door. Great, now I wanna snuggle up to him.

“Were you sleeping? Sorry-“

“Hey, no it’s okay.” His voice deep and raspy, its affect on Y/N indescribable. “What’re you doing here?”

“Umm.. I was just by the river and it got kinda chilly but I couldn’t find a cab and I thought you might be up but you must be tired I should’ve just-“

“Breath Y/N. Come in.”

Taehyung plumped down on the couch. Y/N sat next to him a second later. But like really next to him. No space kinda next to him. Taehyung’s gaze was fixated on the floor. Until he jumped up suddenly. “I’ll make some coffee or something.”

“Did you do my assignment and send it to Professor Ling?”

Taehyung paused for a moment. “You remember how you logged in to your account on my phone? Well, it kinda stayed there. And I just wanted to check if you sent anything and saw you didn’t. So you know, I mean you already said you liked the second article I sent y-“

“Breath Tae.” they laughed after that and the mood lifted up thanks to it. But Taehyung kept busying himself on the counter and not making eye contact with Y/N still.

“I can’t thank you enough. I wish you would’ve called me and reminded me instead of going through all that trouble.”

“You already had a lot to do. And you had already forgotten about it despite me reminding you like 8 times. I just scrabbled some stuff, it wasn’t like any trouble. Let’s hope you actually get a good mark.”

“Professor Ling loved it. And she never gives compliments to me. It must’ve been more than a scrabble.”

Taehyung actually made a lot of effort. More effort than he ever made for his own work. Not that he’d admit it to her face right now.

“So how was your day?”

“Oh, I didn’t do much. In fact I don’t think I even got out today. Kinda feeling under the weather a little.”

“Wait. Didn’t you have a family thing?”

Shit. He just exposed himself. He dropped the porcelain mug and cut his hand on the broken pieces.

“Tae, are you okay?” Y/N ran to him in worry. “Let me see.”

She saw it was bleeding and cleaned the wound for him. Taehyung pointed to the cupboard where first-aid stuff were. She wrapped bandages around his hand. She didn’t let go of his hand when she was done though. She stood there, really close to him and looked him in the eyes. Like trying to transmit a message from her eyes to his. It was just like their many moments back at the party. Full of tension, suspense and longing. Taehyung panicked and stepped away.

“Thanks for the-“

“What’s going on Taehyung? Cuz it seems to me like you’re trying to avoid me. I mean you won’t even make eye contact. And I don’t get it because you’re also looking out for me, doing my assignments for me without even making it known. You’re making me confused. And driving me crazy!”

“I’m driving you crazy? That’s rich.”

“What do you mean-“

“Friends look out for each other don’t they? And since I’m your friend I try to do my part. You know.. as a friend!”

“Taehyung I-“

“And yeah I’m avoiding you. I’m trying to stay the hell away from you because I can’t-“ he paused and lowered his loud volume before he continued. “After the party I just can’t stop thinking about you.”

Y/N felt like her voice was ripped out of her. She wanted to say something, that she also had him on her mind. How she felt so grateful for his help, how she was so sorry for not being around. But she just couldn’t utter a word.

“Look I- it wasn’t just impulses that night. It was a long time coming for me. Because you drive me crazy. But you were right. We’re close friends. You’re practically my best friend. And I can’t lose you. I just have to pull it together.”

“Tae-“

“Don’t feel awkward. Please don’t feel awkward okay?”

“Let me speak dumbass.”

Taehyung couldn’t even look at her. It was unbareable to wait for what was about to come. He, who was a known campus fuckboy -which he may or may not have taken pride in- never developed these kind of feelings for another girl. Well since they met freshman year, he didn’t really have much emotional availability for other girls. Not like this girl right here. The girl he bought a blue jacket for.

Once again Y/N walked to him but slowly this time. He was standing next to the kitchen counter. She went next to him, leaned back on the counter, then looked at him.

“You won.”

“Wha-“

“You won the bet.”

She could swear she saw Taehyung’s eyes sparkle for a second.

“I did?”

Feeling embarrassed, Y/N lowered her gaze to Taehyung’s chest who was now standing in front of her.

“In a way, you didn’t. Because c’mon, how could I not have developed feelings for you this whole time? It’s just, after the party I couldn’t keep it in anymore. But I thought you were being distant because you thought of it as a mistake or something.” Her voice got smaller towards the end of her sentence.

Taehyung lightly grabbed her chin and made her look up to him. Okay, his eyes are definetely shooting stars. Then, he put his hands on the counter behind her, his arms softly trapping her on both sides.

“You’re looking at me like you’re about to kiss me.”

“What makes you say that?” Taehyung said as he started getting closer.

“Cause last time you were looking at me like that, you almost did.”

He paused. But this time he gave a little chuckle and closed his eyes. Then, their lips met. Y/N melted into the soft, warm and wistful kiss. Taehyung’s lips were honey, they hugged hers perfectly. Y/N moved her hands up from his chest to the back of his head, pulling a little on the tips of his hair. It made Taehyung hum lowly into the kiss and deepen it, pulling Y/N even closer by her waist. Until they finally broke apart to breathe. Taehyung leaned his forehead against hers.

“Wait. This means I have the right to brag about how I made you fall for me for the rest of eternity.”

“But what about the part I romantically declared that I was already in love with you?”

“I’m still telling everyone that I made you fall for me on the dancefloor with my smooth moves, babe.”

Y/N pulled him in for another quick kiss. Taehyung smiled against her mouth.

“I don’t know why we ever worried about ruining our friendship. We get to be best friends who can also make out! How amazing is that?”

“It’s the best idea your smart little brain full of IQ points have ever produced, love.”

Taehyung knew there was no way he’d let her go anywhere tonight after all that.

“So, how ‘bout I get started on that coffee again and you pick an anime for us to binge on my bed till we fall asleep?”

“I wanted to snuggle up to you since I saw you when you opened the door.”

He quickly brushed his nose against hers and then took two mugs from the cupboard.

“Here, you have the blue mug.”

“Yay! I love blue.”

“I know.”

...

Author’s note: I can’t believe I just finished my first fic aAgghhH. If you guys bared with me and read that whole ass thing, thank you so so much I hope you liked it. Once again I”m sorry if there are any mistakes. I wish you all a beautiful dayyyyy :)))

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badgirlsinterviews · 4 years ago

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The Paths of Beauty [Interview]

Interview with writer and actress Camila Sosa Villada, author of ‘Bad Girls’.

Written by Sergio Alzate.

11/05/20

Source: El Tiempo.

In her novel, Camila Sosa narrated the experience of a travesti community in Córdoba, Argentina. (Photo credit: María Palacios)

Camila Sosa Villada likes to take in the world with her eyes. For her, life is made up of images: vignettes that catch her eye from which she discerns a speck of light, a dash of colour, a certain meaning. Through her eyes, she listens, she feels, she smells, she sounds out, she travels and she consumes the world around her, a world which is made up of images that she treasures and stores away. Through these snapshots, she forms a collage of her reality and her experiences. They are, in other words, parts of a puzzle which she pieces together, bit by bit, creating a unique, absolute, indescribable final image: one of beauty.

Beauty (not as an anatomical category, nor as the opposite of faithfulness) runs through the pages of Bad Girls, her most recently published work which recounts the experience of a group of travestis who gather each night in the Sarmiento Park, in the city of Córdoba, in Argentina. As such, a travesti mother is able produce milk with her silicone breast; a mute woman turns into a bird; headless men fall in love; gardens burst and cover everything with their lush and uncontrolled vegetation; people declare their bodies as their home; laughter, embraces, words, and love become the shelter from violence; shouts echo with one brutal, resounding, infinite message: “being travesti is a celebration”. Miracles and sparks of beauty unfold with furious tenderness from page to page.

Some of these themes were discussed by Camila in her 2014 TedTalk. The actress, theatre-maker and writer spoke of the suffering of travesti and sex worker bodies, her father’s prediction that she’d end up dead, left in a ditch, the life of a pregnant girl who would meet her clients in the park, her hair filled with weeds from having done her job lying down in the grass. After recounting all of this, Camila asks in a broken voice: “Have any of you have ever imagined that there could be anything more concretely poetic than that?” That’s exactly what Bad Girls is: poetry, concreteness, beauty.

The novel contains a theme which appears over and over again: beauty, the search for it, the curse of it, its joys and sorrows. What made you write about it?

I think I’ve always been privileged. I’m able to see the world in a way that’s different to others. I felt like a dealer: at night I’d be out with the group of travestis, and then during the day I’d go to university. In those worlds, there were moments I observed that were so defining, spectacular and profoundly beautiful that they affected me on an emotional level. I wasn’t speaking about them arbitrarily: things have always appeared beautiful to me. Not for what they look like our sound like, but for what they emanate. Beauty is the foundation of my book.

In ‘In Praise of Shadows’, Jun'ichirō Tanizaki speaks of the beauty of shadows, which goes against how beauty in the canon of Western literature is based on light. The beauty of travestis, that which inhabits the shadows, the parks, away from the light, is a bit like that, don’t you think?

Yes, exactly. We were gorgeous during the day as well, though. Like something out of a Tarantino film, we’d go about in the sun, very early in the morning, strutting of the park under the morning sun towards McDonalds, where we’d have breakfast. We’d walk to the bus stop, the red sun over the city, everything glowing orange. Our beauty was a disruption, interrupting the aesthetics and order of a city as catholic as Córdoba. We tried to be beautiful in the light of day, and we succeeded.

In his essay ‘The Simulation’, Severo Sarduy says that women don’t exist, with travestis constructing their identities based on that knowledge. What do you think of that?

I think we gave in to feminine beauty at some point. But we also moved away from imitating them. We began to explore sensations which still haven’t been defined, and which exist only amongst us travestis. It’s not to do with sexuality or identity. It’s a declaration of our existence in the world. Meeting a travesti who had money or was from a well-off family was rare. While all of us were marginalized, we all had our own bodies through which we constructed our unique existences, capable of being in our own ways.

Speaking of bodies, the narrator in your novel state we can judge countries by the way they treat travesti bodies. Are these bodies national history? What can we read in them?

Men decide how the bodies of travestis should be, their desires dictate how our bodies are to develop. How incredibly unjust and terrifying! In the past, they wanted travestis to have hips like Sofía Loren. Then they said: “No, we want them tall, slim, and tan”. Now, they want us to be natural. Luckily, girls are therefore no longer obliged to get surgery. But this is just a first approximation, because there’s also the class struggle, something which has never been so concretely exemplified as through the bodies of travestis. Claudia Rodríguez (writer and trans activist from Chile) says that society doesn’t inform us of the danger of certain surgical procedures. All we knew was that, in order to change the world, we first had to change ourselves, our bodies. We fought to become beautiful, marketable, attractive, and when we didn’t have money for silicone, many of us would inject ourselves with industrial silicone, sentencing ourselves to a slow death. And we’d also be at risk of getting AIDS and other diseases, because we’d be terrified of going to the hospital. No one like you can be found there; no one there caters to us, listens to us, reassures us. All of them are hugely different to you.

However, in the midst of it all, beauty and tenderness always remain. Do you see these as means of resistance?

It comes naturally to me: I say without thinking that I’m looking for beauty in horror, or flowers in the mud. I tell it as I see it. I think discussing violence is akin to goldsmithing - it requires you to be extremely meticulous, and to take care to make sure what you’re working on doesn’t turn into something finicky or terrible. I have to have the patience and the eye of someone whose job requires them to be millimetrically precise. You have to be like a shaolin monk, wandering through the desert with a staff, looking for beauty. Without beauty, life is unable to exist.

There’s also a series of miracle that occur throughout the book - some happier than others, but, ultimately, all of them are miracles. What drew you to this miraculous calling?

Neither of us would be here today if it wasn’t for the tale of a miracle. In Argentina, there’s a popular saint called the Difunta Correa. My parents brought a little medal to her sanctuary, and left it there with a promise: that the three of us would go back there together if I left the street and sex work. Three months later, I debuted in my theatre show Carnes Tolendas. I began gaining recognition and I never took cocaine, nor did sex work, ever again. I stopped being exposed to violence. The same year my parents made that promise, I experienced two violent instances with two clients. My parents sensed that, and prayed for a miracle to happen to me. So yes, my reading of it is that magic does happen.

When Auntie Encarna, one of the characters in the novel, becomes a mother, this stirs up hatred within the community she lives in. What upsets is so upsetting about the thought of a travesti becoming a mother?

Every day, through their various methods and systems, capitalism and the patriarchy are competing for authority over childhood. They therefore want to ensure that it’s them who are raising the children of our country. The danger for them, is that they know that a travesti is incapable of perpetuating their systems of control. I prefer to look at it romantically, and refuse to believe that travestis would ever work for capitalism. That’s what bothers them. They’re scared of losing their control on the order which bestows them with their privileges. They also fear the thought of the existence of families formed through instincts, feelings, and emotions as subversive as love.

The narrator asks herself how many times she’s written the word “violence”. Twenty years have passed since the events of the book - how many times do you think that word continues being written down today?

News about recent deaths still come up in conversation. We are trapped in a violent system. Violence is still there, but the support for us travestis, as well as other sectors of society, has increased. That possibility has arisen because of us, because of the girl who goes out to buy vegetables, the girl who does sex work, the girl who leaves her CV in a clothes shop for the first time, the girl who opens up to the people she’s living with to tell them she’s going to dress as a woman, the girl who writes books, the girl who sings, the girl who acts,the girl who creates a new kind of knowledge. All of us are creating an animal-like support where we resist and say “look, everyone, we aren’t genocidal, we aren’t rapists or child abusers, nor do we want to steal from anyone.” Violence still exists, and it has become even more intense.

The travestis which appear in the book find a way of speaking and existing through their biting sense of humour. How does this particular type of language allow bonds to grow between people?

I think one of the most reductive takes on the topic is saying that “we treat each other like that to numb the pain.” In other words, we treat each other cruelly in order to later face the cruelty from the outside world. Last year, I read Claus and Lucas by Agota Kristoff, and there it may be interpreted that, like in the book, we are training in order to become desensitized. And I may be mistaken about this, but I believe that it’s to do with how we knew that language is the most powerful thing that exists. Through words, we could play speech in ways others didn’t expect. We’d say the most horrible things to each other with the greatest affection, and we’d say the most affectionate things in cutting and hurtful ways. We’d make up words, we had secret codes, nicknames that belonged to us. Our lack of privilege drove us to become very intelligent, and we soon realised that language was the only thing that truly belonged to us. As a result, we occupied it in the way we saw fit.

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imbarely · 5 years ago

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Hello and thank you.

I don’t know if you guys are gonna read this but I hope you do. And I don’t know how many people are still active on tumblr but if you’re reading this, I just want to say thank you.

You don’t know how much it means to me to have this blog and see how you guys like the content that I reblogged these past few years (even tho I’m not active anymore). I started blogging when I was 12 years old and now I am 20 years old and is about to have my internship on February 2020.

This blog isn’t my first blog, I’ve had another blog before and have also forgotten the passwords so many times and I’m not sure if this is my third account that I made or is it even the tenth account I made. Okay so anyway, that’s not my point.

My point is that for so many years, I have reblogged so many beautiful pictures, started when I didn’t even know what kind of blog posts do I want to reblog so I just reblogged whatever I like which made my blog looked like a mess but at least I enjoyed it. Later on, I started to focus on tumblr more and joined several facebook group to increase my followers on tumblr and here I am now, I have 120.000+ followers. I also started looking at tumblr not only to have fun but also to earn money.

Now this is the most fun part. I never knew that blogging could earn you a lot of money. And when I said a lot, it is really A LOT. I mean, back then I was just a 15 year old kid from Indonesia and my country doesn’t even allow us to have a part time job, so as a 15 year old, earning almost 1.000+ dollars in a short time is count as a lot, not only money, but you also get FREE STUFFS. Plus, you only need to reblog content or post a content to earn that cash, you don’t even need to socialize or meeting face to face with the company that you work for (isn’t that great?! especially when you’re an introvert or you’re just too lazy to socialize all the time, just like me).

So life was good back then. And for the first time in forever, my parents even let me to sit in front of the computer for hours without them complaining or yelling at me because I kept busy with my computer (ofc during the weekend cause I had school at weekdays) well at least they weren’t complaining because they knew I was “working” (hey! tumblr is a part time job too y’know)

Okay, I don’t know if I’m talking too much or if this story is actually interesting for you guys BUT ANYWAY, time flies so fast and now I kinda feel like I’m betraying tumblr. I stopped making tumblr as my part time job because as I grew up, I needed to go to university and actually doing something with my life. Which includes passing the national exam in order for me to get to the university and got a scholarship.

I ended up passing my national exam and here I am, in my 3rd year of university in Netherlands. Now, I’m not blogging anymore, I still open my tumblr account sometimes but I’m not active everyday but still, I can say that this is one of my biggest achievements so far. I’m looking for an internship right now, and it’s really hard especially when you’re a foreigner in a foreign country (i mean, im indonesian and im in netherlands, ofc those companies prefer people that can speak dutch, so you feel the struggles now?)

Now, you must be thinking why do I say thank you for?

So here is why. I made my CV already, and I haven’t mentioned this before, but I’m an International Communication Management student. I really want to work in communication field but related to fashion industry. So as some of you guys know or maybe everyone does know about this, when you’re making a CV, you need to include your experience(s) that is relevant to the job field that you are aiming to. At this point, I am aiming at marketing communication field at fashion companies, and tumblr is one of my experiences because I’ve been working with several online companies by posting their content on my blog. So I put that on my CV as a blogger.

Just like some other students, ofc I asked one of my teachers for a feedback on my CV. He wasn’t sure what I meant by “blogger” at first and then I started to tell him the whole story but in a short version because duh, people only care about the success version. No one cares how long did it take for me to get to this state, they only care and interested about how did you get so many followers, what kind of ways, etc.

My story blew my teacher’s mind (not for real but for real, you get what i mean?). He started telling me to change “blogger” to “influencer marketer” instead, how cool is that? I never thought myself as an influencer before, because duh I’m just a normal person hanging around tumblr. I never really told my blog to anyone before, unless we’re really close then I would probably tell you but when it comes to CV, I would do anything and also because this isn’t something you need to be ashamed of, it is actually a great experience considering being an influencer is such a big deal nowadays.

I want to say thank you to all of you, I don’t really want to say “my followers” because it sounds like you guys are my fans or something but YOU ARE NOT. Although, it is called followers on tumblr but still okay whatever. But I do want to thank all of you, you who have helped me to gain all of these followers, you who thought my blog was pretty, you who thought i reblogged interesting pictures, you who always messaged me asking how i’m doing, you who always sent me nudes (it was really popular back then I HONESTLY DONT KNOW WHY UNTIL NOW). I just want to say thank you to everyone for everything.

Without this tumblr, I wouldn’t have such a big achievement like this. Then I wouldn’t have something to write on my experience on my CV. I’m still looking for my internship right now, but I know I’m gonna get it real soon (with the help of people around me and with the help of you guys because you’re part of this blog.) I never knew that my followers count will matter a lot until this point, the fact that some companies are really looking at the quantity really blows my mind, I always think that it doesn’t really matter how much followers do I have (that’s why I didn’t even put it on my CV at the beginning), heck, even if you have 1.000+ followers, that’s already big enough, I think.

My point is not that I want to brag about how many followers do I have, but my point is that the fact that I am capable to get a lot of followers count as my social media strategy and that is also why I put it on my CV. Not to brag, but to show them how capable I am with social media.

So thanks to all of you, that I am capable to put this as one of my biggest experience and that it could help me to achieve my dream. It might sound weird but damn, it has a really big impact on me. This is crazy, I don’t know what to say anymore but damn, this is crazy.

#mypost

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the-hilda-librarians-wife · 5 years ago

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The Mistakes We Made - Chapter 5

Summary: When her high school girlfriend comes back to town after two years with a baby and a terrible story she won’t tell, the Librarian has to deal with the feelings she had worked so hard to keep at bay.

Notes: Look. I only know how Brazilian Universities work. At this point, the education system in this fic may be completely made up. Let’s just pretend it makes sense, ok?

Read it on ao3.: (chpt1) (chpt2) (chpt3) (chpt4) (chpt5)

Maven reclined her head against her mother’s shoulder, a dreamy smile on her face as the woman’s long fingered hand caressed her hair. That had gone well. Really well.

A few days after she’d spoken to him, Mr. Kavindi had approached her while she was returning a book to the library and told her that Ericsonberg’s English College’s dean was willing to see what he could do for her. A meeting between them had been scheduled for a month later, in his office at Ericsonberg.

Her mother had insisted on making the short trip with her daughter, just to be able to be with her no matter the outcome. However, she hadn’t been allowed in the dean’s office, leaving Maven alone on what was most likely a life changing moment.

The dean was a serious man with silver hair, though his face began to soften the longer she was was with him. After the introductions, he made a very thorough inspection of her High School history, nearly making the girl sweat as he pointed out every grade below 8 she ever got. Seemingly satisfied with her overall performance in school, he moved on to analyzing the curriculum he had asked for her to prepare, along with the recommendation letter she had asked Mrs. Kavindi to write her. She wasn’t sure if the word of her English teacher would do much to persuade him, but it was worth a try.

After the most nervous fifteen minutes of Maven’s life, the man cleaned his throat and looked at her with his sharp gaze.

“Tell me, Miss Amaris” he began “why haven’t you applied for any of the scholarships the University offers?”

Maven took a deep breath before answering, a futile attempt to calm her fluttering heart down. “I wanted to, sir. But the rules explicitly said that they were only available for students whose annual income was below a certain amount…” she stretched her memory, but still couldn’t remember the precise information. She wasn’t to blame, really, it had been months since she researched Ericsonberg’s scholarships. “And ours is just a little above that. And I’m not fit for any of the sports scholarships.”

He hummed in understanding. “I see.”

Maven’s heart only got more wild as the dean fell silent for nothing short of two minutes, staring straight at her eyes the whole time. The tick tocking of the clock on the wall seemed impossibly loud in the silent room.

“You know, Miss Amaris, I really shouldn’t be telling you this.” He said finally. “But since I owe Harold a favor…”

The man picked up a blank sheet of paper from one of his drawers and a pen, jotting a few things down. “A few students have reached me in a situation similar to yours, Miss. Three, to be more precise. They’re all from a nearby city. Roskilde, have you ever heard of it?”

Maven nodded. She had a brief recollection of traveling there with her mother for the wedding of some family member when she was younger.

“Well, I must say, their CVs impressed me. So I talked to the Board, and while they didn’t think it fair to let those students have a chance in the low income scholarship, we agreed to put up an exam of sorts for them.”

Maven nodded. She didn’t quite know what that had to do with her, but she had a feeling she was going to find out.

“You see, after I assess these assignments, I will hand out a 100%, an 80% and a 60% scholarship according to how well they went. Now, since you have a considerable academic history yourself, I am willing to let you take part in the contest.”

Maven gasped softly, which made the dean look up at her from the notes he had been scribbling. “Of course, as there are four of you and only three scholarships, someone won’t have their problem solved. But what do you say, Miss Amaris? Would you like to take that chance?”

“Yes!” She said barely a second after he had finished speaking. This was the perfect opportunity. Even though Maven prided herself in being analytical and controlled, there was no way she wasn’t jumping into this chance head first.

The corner of the dean’s mouth twitched upwards. “I thought you would. Here.” He folded and handed her the sheet of paper. “Is some basic information about what you’ll have to do for the contest, along with the deadline for you to send it to me. I will email you with the official guidelines later.”

The girl stared at the piece of paper like it contained the answer to every mystery in the universe; her eyes stung and she had to blink back a few tears. This was it. Her best chance was in her hands. “I cannot thank you enough, sir.”

“Think nothing of it. Just make sure to tell my dear friend that we are even now.” This time he gave her a proper smile. She wondered what had gone on between the two men that made him owe Mr. Kavindi a favor.

Oh, but did it even matter when it had gotten her a chance to go to her dream college?

No, it didn’t quite matter, Maven thought as she watched the train doors open in one of the villages that surrounded Ericsonberg and a few people leave the wagon. But that didn’t stop her from feeling curious about it. She’d probably ask the librarian when she had the chance.

Inside her pocket, her old blueberry beeped. A message from Johanna shone brightly on the screen.

How did it go?

Maven smiled and took it out of her skirt properly so she could type an answer.

Very good. Why don’t I tell you more face to face?

Fine, but it has to be tomorrow so I don’t die of curiosity. What about that temporary amusement park near the Statue Square?”

Maven bit back a groan. She wasn’t particularly fond of amusement parks. They were always too noisy for her taste, and they were sure to find classmates there. But if it was what her girlfriend wanted, she supposed she could stand it. They quickly scheduled the date Maven put her phone in her pocket again, leaning her head against her mother’s shoulder for the rest of the ride home, a shy smile playing on her lips the whole time.

_#_#_#_#_

Before she even noticed herself moving, Maven was already crouching down by the edge of the bed, her eyes searching Johanna’s body for any sign of injury. Her face made it clear that she’d been crying, her clothes were rumpled, and her hair was in such disarray that it looked like the woman had been running her fingers through the short curls.

“What happened?” Maven asked in an urgent whisper.

“I don’t know.” She sobbed, her head coming to lie on her face once more. She took a deep breath. Maven was worried. The least she owned her was assuring she was okay.

“Look” she began, trying to sound calmer. “I’ll be okay. It’s silly, really.”

Maven lifted an eyebrow, not believing a word of it. “Yeah, sure. Have you eaten?”

The question caught Johanna by surprise, making her look up at her friend who had stood up again. “I… haven’t.”

“Come on, then” she said as she headed to the door. “You’ll feel better if you’re not hungry.”

Johanna looked back and forth from her baby, sleeping peacefully on her stroller, and her friend, waiting for her by the doorframe. As if reading her thoughts, Maven added “Bring her, we won’t make enough noise to wake her up.”

The librarian disappeared behind the door, leaving Johanna to gently push the stroller through the corridor. She found her again at the kitchen, looking at her cabinets. “I don’t have much.” She said. “Is a sandwich okay with you?”

“Of course.” She replied politely, her voice still hoarse from crying. Now that she actually stopped to think about it, she was starving. Lunch with her parents hadn’t exactly gone well. “Do you want any help?”

“Just make us some tea, will you?”

She set out to do the task, grateful for the distraction, but soon the water in the kettle had boiled and the beverages were ready. As they sat down on the couch, Johanna put the cups on the coffee table and Maven placed a plate with a sandwich in front of her.

All through the meal, she readied herself for the onslaught of questions that were sure to come. But they didn’t. They are in silence, and the only thing that distracted Johanna from her troubled thoughts was taking in Maven’s face and realizing how very exhausted she looked.

Still chewing, she looked down with shame. That was her fault. Maven already had her job and college, and now she had to take care of her on top of everything. But Johanna had no choice. Now more than ever, Maven was the only one who would help her.

Finally, when the librarian took her tea cup from the table and sipped, came the question she had been waiting for.

“So, what upset you?”

Johanna took a deep breath. “My parents.”

“I had figured out as much. What did they say?”

Suddenly it was all too much for her to hold inside of herself and she spat out. “A bunch of nonsense!”

Maven flinched at the harsh, loud tone of voice and glanced at Hilda. The baby was still sleeping, but that reminded Johanna not to be loud.

“T-they said I was lying.” She began, feeling yet again a stinging in her eyes. “They said that… that Torrin had already told them what had happened.”

She held her friend’s gaze with fury in her eyes. “Maven, he told them I cheated on him. And that I had run away with his beloved child, in an, an…”

Johanna ground her teeth together in anger and groaned. “In an attempt use her as leverage to convince him to stay with me!”

There was a moment of silence after that, when Maven could do nothing but stare at her open mouthed. She had no idea of what had happened between her and Torrin, but she had know Johanna for long enough to know that this wasn’t it.

The next thing she knew, Johanna was crying again.

“And it wasn’t only them!” She sobbed. “It was nearly everyone! Every single person I knew that passed by me on the street turned their gaze away, or worst! They’d look at me as if I was a villain!” A strong sob shook her body. “It’s as if they’ve all forgotten about me and only remember the version of me that Torrin sold them.”

Maven settled her cup down again, her hands fluttering uselessly over Johanna. She had no idea how to comfort her, no idea if her touch would be welcomed.

Oh, how she missed a time when she knew how to be Johanna’s harbor.

_#_#_#_

As soon as Maven opened the door, she found herself with an armful if Johanna.

“Congratulations!” She whispered excitedly into her hoodie. “I knew you’d do it!”

Maven returned the embrace eagerly. “Well, it’s not all done yet, but thank you.”

Johanna drew back with a questioning her eyes. “Well, what’s left to do?”

From the inside of the house, a clear voice called for them. “Stardust, why don’t you invite your girlfriend in before you go to the park? I’ll make you two some tea.”

“Thank you, mum!” Maven answered before turning to Johanna again. “Come, I’ll tell you.”

After Johanna had given her “mother in law” a hug, they sat themselves down on the couch and Maven told what had happened the day before, down to all the details she could remember. Johanna liked her stories well told.

In the end, Johanna asked, smiling. “And did you read what he sent you? What are you supposed to do?”

Maven sighed and sat back against the couch. “It’s a series of tasks. Mostly research about classics and essays on them. It’s going to be hard, but I have two months to do and send them.”

Warm hands took cold ones inside themselves in a gesture of comfort, and the two girls locked their gazes. “I know you can do it. And I’ll help you with whatever I can.”

A smile bloomed on Maven’s mouth. “I know you will.”

As if pulled by magnetism, the two girls leaned into each other and kissed, tenderly and quickly, but enough to make their hearts beat faster. As if moved by divine timing, Maven’s mother entered the living room with tea just after they drew back. Johanna talked about some news of her own while they drank, but soon enough the cups were empty and the woman was bidding goodbye to the two girls at the door.

They left through the cemetery. Johanna had never liked the feel of being there, but with Maven’s hand inside her own, the place didn’t look as daunting. It took a fifteen minute walk to do so, but eventually they reached the amusement park.

As one would expect, it was bustling with activity, and Maven seemed to shrink on herself. Before she could feel too uncomfortable, however, Johanna squeezed her hand and looked at her in the eyes.

“It’s okay.” She said gently. “I won’t leave your side.”

And knowing this made the place infinitely more bearable.

_#_#_#_

“How do you think I’d look with my hair dyed purple?”

The sudden question made Johanna stop staring down from their booth in the Ferris wheel and look at her girlfriend. She squinted, as if trying to picture what it would be like.

“All of it?” She asked.

“No, just the tips, I think.”

Johanna grinned, making Maven smile too. “I think it would look lovely on you. You know, I myself am thinking about cutting my hair.”

“Where?”

“Here.” She gestured to just above her shoulder. “What do you think?”

“Adorable.” She answered, causing her girlfriend to blush. To avert Maven from how happy she felt at the compliment, she pointed down to something she’d spotted on the ground, way below them.

“Isn’t that Torrin? There, with a bunch of people around him?”

Maven squinted to be able to see through the dirty glass better, but eventually found the spot she was referring to and groaned. “Yeah, it’s him. Why do people keep following him around? He’s an ass!”

Johanna shrugged. “Maybe he’s an ass to us but pretends to be something else for them. Also, I bet that not all those people are actually his friends. There must be at least someone who tries to get close to him because his dad is the mayor. It must be upsetting, never knowing which friends are true.”

“Oh, I’m sure he manages”, Maven rolled her eyes. She didn’t add that he deserved the upsetting too. Johanna would probably disagree with that statement. She was too good.

Lost in her musings about the brat as she was, she didn’t notice that Johanna had caught hold of her hand and was smiling at her. “I’m glad I always knew which friendship was true.”

She sighed as Johanna’s soft lips found hers once more. It really didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that a bully was such a beloved citizen, or that she herself was such a disliked one. I didn’t matter what everyone thought of her, as long as she had this.

Johanna probably didn’t even know this, but she was all Maven needed to get through a storm.

#fic: tmwm #sketchbook ship hilda #sketchbook fanfic #hilda librarian #hilda librarian fanfic #johanna hilda #Hilda´s mum #sketchbook ship #sketchbook ship fanfic

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