#me i think but just the fact that it happened that i do Not pass that i Do have to out myself and can't just be myself w/o being questioned

[pedroscurls]

training partners (pt. 9)

summary: thoughts of jack still linger, but a familiar face (and the person who's helped you get over your breakup) come to visit you and hugh - your personal trainer. meanwhile, hugh continues filming and puts on the wolverine costume for the first time. pairing: hugh jackman x fem!reader warnings: angst - mentions of toxic relationship, verbal abuse. smut (18+, mdni) - cowgirl, unprotected p in v, oral - m receiving, dirty talk, all while hugh is in his wolverine costume, implied age gap (hugh is 55, reader is in late 20s-early 30s), no use of y/n. word count: 4k a/n: i've missed these two's personal trainer, so she's coming back and i think she's gonna be the driving force behind the reader realizing how far she's come! hope y'all enjoy, things are gonna get better... i promise. in the meantime, i've been wanting to write some smut of hugh in his wolverine costume bc i mean... how can you not??? lol. as always, this is purely fictional! i mean no disrespect to hugh jackman. prev part.

A week has passed since your run in with Jack. Hugh tries to act like nothing happened, act like what happened didn’t bother him, but he couldn’t help it. He was still fuming, still wanting so badly to just find Jack and finish what he started. He does notice a small shift in your behavior, but he has to wonder if you’re hiding the fact that you’re still on edge. There are still brief moments where you space out, like your mind has drifted to some other place and he has to gently take you out of it with a hand on your shoulder or a quiet call of your name. 

You snap out of it more quickly than before, but he can still see the panicked expression flickering in your eyes. 

Every night, you thank him and Hugh isn’t sure why. You thank him for being there for you, for being the safe space that you didn’t know you needed, for loving you the way you should be loved. 

And every night, Hugh watches you fall asleep and only when he sees the peaceful look on your sleeping face does he feel relaxed enough to go to sleep too. 

As the weekend approaches, Hugh has an idea to give both your personal trainer a call and invite her over for the week. He knows how important she is to you, how she has helped you overcome not only your breakup with Jack, but has helped you see just how amazing of a person you are. 

You’re in the bathroom when Hugh steps out on the patio of the hotel room to give her a call. She answers almost quickly and Hugh has to look over his shoulder to make sure that you haven’t come out yet. 

“Hugh, hey! How’s filming going?” she says enthusiastically. 

“It’s been going great,” Hugh answers, biting his lower lip. “How are things back home?” 

“Busy like always,” she laughs quietly. “I’ve been thinking about taking a vacation.”

“How about you come here?” 

“That’s not necessarily a vacation if I’m going there to work,” she chuckles. 

“I’ll pay for everything.”

“I mean, that’s only fair.”

Hugh laughs quietly then he lets out a quiet sigh. “Listen, Jack–”

“I know,” she interjects. “We’ve been talking this last week. Doesn’t sound like she’s doing that well.”

“I think she’s hiding the fact that she isn’t doing okay,” Hugh admits. “And I think if you’re here, she’d feel a lot better. You don’t even have to train either of us. Just– I think she needs someone more than me right now.”

“I’m there,” she responds immediately. “Tell me when, Hugh, and I’ll be there.” 

Hugh lets out a breath of relief. “Perfect. I’ll arrange everything for you and send you the details.”

After Hugh hangs up the phone, he walks back inside the hotel room and sees you come out of the bathroom in a white robe and a towel in your hands to run through your wet hair. He sees you look up at him, a small smile on your lips as he walks over to you. His hands drop to your waist as he leans down to peck your lips.

“So…” he begins.

You arch a brow, tossing the dampened towel onto the bed. You stare up at him, hands now moving to rest on his chest. “What?”

“I know what happened last week is still lingering,” Hugh continues and sees your mouth open to protest, but he shakes his head. “It’s lingering for me at least, baby.” 

“Hugh…”

“Just,” he sighs. “Hear me out. I’m flying in our trainer this week. I know that she’s been with you through everything, has helped you with this and I can’t…” Hugh bites his lower lip. “As much as I wish that I can help you, I just know that I can’t.”

“But you have…”

“But it’s not enough, love,” Hugh admits. “I know that. You know that.”

“I’m sorry…” you drift your eyes downwards, staring at your feet.

“Hey,” Hugh bites his lower lip and hooks a finger under your chin to get you to look back up at him. He can see the hurt in your eyes, the worry etched in your features. You’re thinking again and Hugh brushes his thumb gently across your jawline as he stares deeply into your eyes. “You don’t ever have to apologize for this, for him.”

“I just wish he still didn’t have so much control over me…” 

“I know, baby,” Hugh says softly. “He hurt you for a long time,” he tightens his jaw. “So the way you’re feeling… It’s completely valid.” 

“I love you,” you tell him. “I don’t think I deserve you–”

“Okay, we’re gonna stop saying that, yeah?” Hugh says with a small smile. “I feel like the luckiest man alive that you chose me, that I get to feel your love,” he admits. “So from now on, we’re going to stop saying that… because if anyone doesn’t deserve the other person, it’s me.”

You roll your eyes and open your mouth to protest, but he just leans in and presses his lips firmly against yours. You melt into him, hands moving from his chest to wrap around his neck. “Don’t think that kissing me is going to prevent me from saying otherwise,” you mumble against his lips.

Hugh smiles and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you flush against him. “Fine,” he says, pulling away slowly. “How about we say that we do deserve each other?” 

You nod, playing with the hair at his nape. “Yeah, I like that a lot more.” You lean up on your toes and gently peck his lips, feeling him lift you even further until your legs wrap around his waist and he sits on the edge of the bed with you on his lap. 

“I love you, baby,” he says, moving a hand to the knot on your robe. “And I just want you happy.”

You bite your lower lip and look down at where his hand plays with the knot at your robe, feeling his length stir beneath his shorts. “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been,” you admit. “And it’s because of you.”

Hugh grins and then undoes the knot on your robe, slowly pushing it off your shoulders as he watches the fabric fall from your body. He clears his throat, your entirely exposed frame now in full view for him as his gaze darkens with lust. 

“Think we can be quick about this?” he asks hopefully, feeling you slowly roll your hips against his. Hugh’s eyes gaze down between your legs, seeing your sex slicked with your arousal. 

“I think that’s a question you should be asking yourself, baby.” Hugh grunts quietly when he feels your hands tug at his shorts and he lifts himself slightly to lower it past his legs, letting it pool around his ankles. He’s already so hard at the sight of you, his tip already leaking with his precome and when he feels your hand wrap itself around his base, he lets out a loud groan.

“Shawn and Ryan can wait a little longer,” Hugh smirks, eyes fluttering when he feels you slowly lower yourself down onto him. 

—

True to Hugh’s word, your trainer arrives on set the following week. You practically run towards her in excitement (and immense relief) when you see her. Hugh’s at his trailer, leaning against the door when he sees the big smile on your face. It’s been a while since he’s seen your smile meet your eyes, pure happiness and relief written on your expression. 

You pull away from the hug and lead her to Hugh’s trailer, seeing the both of them hug as well before he lets the both of you inside. He’s not yet dressed for today’s shoot, but you can see the blue and yellow suit hanging in the corner. Today had been a day you were looking forward to because not only was your trainer going to be here, but Hugh was finally going to put on the comically-accurate Wolverine suit for the first time in over twenty years. 

“I was thinking we can all grab dinner tonight after shooting,” Hugh suggests, hand reaching out for you. You smile in his direction and take his hand, leaning against him. 

“Yeah, that sounds like a great plan,” your trainer says with a smile. 

“I usually leave earlier than Hugh, so after a few scenes, we can head back to the hotel and catch up,” you tell her.

“Perfect. I’ve already seen Hugh in his element, but to see you in yours? I’m excited.” 

“Oh, I’m nothing special–”

Both Hugh and your trainer look at you with an expression that tells you to stop the negative self-talk. You bite your lower lip and then shake your head, lifting your free hand in the air. 

“Okay, okay. I’m working on it.”

“Oh, after this week, it’s gonna be drilled into you,” your trainer chuckles. “Now come on, show me around set while Hugh gets ready.” 

You nod and then watch her leave the trailer before you turn to look up at Hugh, hand resting on his chest. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.” Hugh smiles and pecks your lips. “I missed your smile,” he admits. 

You let out a quiet sigh and then look down at his chest, not wanting to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry…”

“There’s no reason to be sorry,” Hugh corrects. “I just love seeing you happy, baby.” 

“You’re perfect,” you tell him with a contented sigh. “I’m thinking I don’t ever want to let you go.”

Hugh grins broadly. “Good because you’re stuck with me.” 

“Oh, you promise?” you tease.

Hugh nods, staring deeply into your eyes. “More than you know, love. I’ll see you in a bit.” 

—

You give a thorough tour of the set, but you can tell from the look on your trainer’s face that she’s waiting for you to bring up Jack, to bring up what exactly happened, and how he even came back into your life. 

You know you’ve come a long way from the first time you met her, but you can’t help but feel a bit disappointed in yourself… that all of the hard work that your trainer helped you with seems to have gone to waste at the first conversation with Jack. 

“He called me after he found out that Hugh and I were together,” you finally admit. “I’m assuming it had to do with Hugh posting a picture of us and then word got out and–” you sigh shakily. “Well, you can figure out the rest.” 

“What an asshole,” she mutters. “I’m sorry you still have to deal with him,” she says softly. 

“I just feel–” you sigh. “I feel like I’m the same woman I was when I was with him. A coward. Weak.” 

“That’s not a reflection of who you are as a person,” she replies. “You were never a coward and you were never weak.” 

“But–”

“Jack was abusive,” she says bluntly. “Verbally abusive… and he took advantage of you. And he’s still trying to do that, but there’s a big difference from the woman you were to the woman you are now.” 

“And what’s that? Because from where I’m standing, I feel like I’m back to square one.” 

She sighs. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.” 

You shrug. “I just wish I never got Hugh involved.” 

“You didn’t do anything,” she corrects. “You deserve to be happy and Jack doesn’t like that. He doesn’t have a right to tell you who you are – he never did, do you understand me?” 

You can feel tears stinging your eyes as you look at her. She had become the person to help you out of your negative thoughts and you knew that if not for her, you’d have been stuck in the same mindset that Jack made you to believe about yourself. 

“I really missed you,” you tell her, wrapping your arms around her in a tight hug.

“Even my workouts?” 

“Ah, maybe not that,” you tease, pulling away from her with a small smile as you wipe your tears away. 

“Well, I’m sure we can squeeze one in this week,” she winks. 

“Thank you,” you say seriously. “For being here.”

“Thank Hugh,” she chuckles. “He just wants you to be happy.”

You smile to yourself. “When you texted me telling me about having someone join in our sessions all those months ago… Did you know that we would hit it off?”

She grins mischievously. “I knew you two would hit it off, but I certainly didn’t expect you both to get together so fast.”

“Oh my god, you set us up.”

She bursts into a fit of laughter. “Guilty as charged.”

You shake your head and begin laughing with her, feeling like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, like you can finally breathe again after everything that’s happened with Jack. 

—

After a couple of hours, your trainer decides to leave for the day and get some rest at the hotel before dinner tonight. You opt to remain on set, not having had the chance to see Hugh yet. It’s lunch time for the entire cast and crew, so you walk towards his trailer and step inside, removing the camera from around your neck to set on the table. 

When you turn around to see him dressed in his full Wolverine suit, sitting on the couch with a bowl of salad, you widen your eyes and clear your throat at the sight of him. He has a big grin on his face and waves in your direction, but you can’t help but let your eyes take in his frame. 

The suit is so fitting – sculpting to his entire body, but your eyes deviate to his arms, seeing his muscles flex from beneath the suit as he takes another forkful of spinach. 

“You’re–” you bite your lower lip. “You’re wearing the suit.”

“I am,” he chuckles and sets the bowl down onto the table nearby before he stands up. 

Your eyes widen even further at the sight of him standing in his suit in front of you. You know you’re obviously ogling him, eyes lingering in certain areas and Hugh’s enjoying it. He likes the way you look at him, especially right now. You look like a woman who knows what she wants and he can see the gaze in your eyes darkening. 

“You look–” you stutter. “You look good. Like really fucking good.” 

“Is this everything you’ve ever dreamed of?” he teases, his large hand coming to rest on your waist. “You know, with Wolverine being your favorite and all.” 

The contrast of him wearing this suit and his accent is doing things to you that you never thought it would. You can feel the wetness build between your legs, the throbbing and yearning to clamp around him. You can’t even respond, your eyes moving continuously up and down his frame. He looks so big, so strong, and–

“Hello?” Hugh interrupts your thoughts, chuckling quietly. “Do you like it?” 

“Like it?” you answer, hands moving to rest on his chest as you gently shove him back down on the couch. “I fucking love it.” 

Without hesitation, you drop to your knees in front of him as your hands move up his thighs and towards the waistband of his pants. You bite your lower lip, tilting your head as you try to figure out how to remove his pants and letting out a quiet huff of impatience when you can’t seem to find the zipper or button or anything to pull it down and reveal his hardening length. 

Even beneath the fabric of his suit, you can see the length of him, stirring and hardening as you run your palm over him. 

Hugh groans, head tilting to the side as he reaches down to cup your cheek. “Baby, I don’t–”

“Help me figure out how to take these pants off.”

“Baby,” he grunts, feeling your lips press against his manhood from over the fabric of his suit. It’s starting to get uncomfortable, his length straining beneath the fabric and he groans when he feels your lips find his covered tip. 

“Hugh,” you whimper impatiently. “I need you.”

Hugh nods and then stands up in front of you, looking down at you as you remain on your knees. He expertly undoes his pants, knowing that it’s going to be just as difficult to put back on, but at the sight of you so needy and ready for him, he knows it’ll be worth it. 

Hugh then drops his pants to pool around his ankles and he’s about to sit back down when he feels your hands wrap around his base and your mouth immediately wrap itself around his tip. He groans, eyes fluttering shut as he tangles one hand in your hair and remains standing before you. 

You feel a sudden sense of gratitude wash over you, wanting to show Hugh just how grateful you are of him. How patient and thoughtful he’s been these last few weeks. You lean in further, relaxing your throat as you feel the tip of his manhood kiss the back of your throat. The hair at his base tickles your nose and you feel tears sting your eyes as you look up at him, his face contorted into pleasure. You pull back enough, his length glistening with your saliva.

“Fuck,” he growls lowly, his grip in your hair tightening even further as you continue to bob your head rapidly. It’s almost obscene the way you’re sucking him off, like you’re a starved animal and this is your first meal. Hugh can feel himself getting closer and closer to the edge with each of your strokes, with each inch sliding further and further into your mouth that he has to pull back from your lips with a quiet pop!. 

Your lips are red and slightly swollen, saliva dripping just a bit at the corner of your lips. You’re staring up at him with a lustful look on your face and he’s about to say something, about to tell you that he’s getting close, but you interrupt him with a shove against his chest to make him sit back down on the couch. 

He clears his throat, watching you drop your pants and underwear to the floor. He reaches down to stroke himself, eyes taking in your exposed lower half. Hugh groans in anticipation when he watches you straddle his hips and align yourself to his tip. 

You waste no time (like you usually do) in sitting firmly on his erected length. You don’t take your time, you don’t slowly lower yourself. Instead, you lower yourself until he fills you to the hilt and Hugh tosses his head back at the sensation of your warm and wet walls clamping down on his already throbbing length. 

“Oh fuck, baby,” Hugh groans, hands darting out to your hips, fingertips digging into your flesh. 

“Call me bub,” you demand, hands moving to rest on his shoulders as you bounce along his length. “Please, Hugh…”

Hugh grunts, feeling every inch of your walls slide along him. He knows what you want, so he switches the flip inside of him and stares at you with a dark look on his face. He lets out a low growl – the way Logan would – and leans in to rest his forehead against yours, having long forgotten his normal Australian accent to replace with Logan’s.

“You feel so good wrapped around me, bub,” he groans. “Taking me so well.” 

Your eyes widen and your walls clench at the role that Hugh is now playing. When he sees the look on your face, he smirks and digs his fingertips even further into you, knowing that it’s going to leave bruises later. “Oh god…” you moan, biting your lower lip from trying to let everyone else on the lot hear what’s going on.

“Yeah?” he growls, moving a hand to your clit and beginning to rub it in circles. “Such a good girl. Look at you,” Hugh groans, feeling himself get closer and closer. “Oh bub,” he continues. “You’re close, ain’t ya? Can feel you tremble��”

“Hugh!” you exclaim, rolling your hips forward and backwards as your walls tighten even further around him. You reach your high far too quickly and feel him continue to rub circles against your clit, your body shaking as you try to reach down for his wrist to stop his movements. 

“That’s a good girl,” Hugh grins. He knows that he’s stronger than you, but he loves seeing you try. Loves to see your body become so overly sensitive that you begin to squirm away from him, unsure if you can reach another orgasm. 

“Hugh… Baby, I can’t–”

“Shh,” he whispers, leaning in to gently bite at your jawline as he thrusts his hips up roughly and rapidly. His balls slap against your backside, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing off the walls of his trailer as he feels the tightness in the pit of his stomach begin to build and build–

“Fuck!” he groans, moving both hands now to your hips as he paints your walls with his come. Hugh’s eyes fall shut tightly, slowly guiding you along his length as he shudders at your tight walls milking every last drop. 

Slowly, Hugh lifts you off his lap and you quickly scramble to sit next to him, not wanting any of his come to get on the suit. You lean back against the couch, legs still spread open as Hugh looks down at you and sees his release slowly trickle out of you. 

“God, you’re fucking amazing,” he says, his voice back to normal as he watches groans at the sight of his come now trickling between your legs. 

“That was hot,” you smile, breathing heavily. 

“You’re hot,” he grins, reaching for a tissue to first clean you up and then to clean himself. Once he’s softened enough, Hugh pulls up his pants and then grabs your panties and jeans to gently hand it to you. “I’m going to have to film for the rest of the day after that?”

You bite your lower lip and slide on your panties. You sit on your knees and lean in to gently peck his lips. “And then we also have dinner tonight.”

He groans and runs his hand along your bare thigh. “How am I going to pay attention after you attacked me like that?” 

You gasp and gently slap his chest, feeling him take your hand and kiss your knuckles. “I did not attack you!” 

“Oh, the minute you saw me in this suit, you were already undressing me with your eyes.”

“Not my fault you look so hot in it.”

“Should I take it back with me to the hotel?” he grins, eyes wiggling suggestively. 

“If you bring it back to the hotel with you, we’re never leaving.”

“Would that be so bad?”

“Yes,” you giggle. “You still have a movie to shoot.”

Hugh sighs dramatically. “I suppose you have a point.” 

You let out a laugh and Hugh smiles in your direction. “I’ve missed your laugh too,” he says quietly. 

You look up at him and cup his cheek, eyes staring into his own. “I’m not gonna let that man control me anymore,” you admit. “It’s going to be tough, but I–”

“You’re stronger than you know, baby,” Hugh finishes for you. “And I’ll be right there to help you through it. As long as you’ll have me.” 

“Wear the suit and then maybe I’ll consider,” you tease. 

Hugh chuckles and gently pushes you onto your back as he settles himself between your legs. “God, I love you.”

“I love you too, Hugh.”

“Do you think you have one more in you?” he asks, eyes dark with lust once more as he moves a hand between your legs. 

“I don’t–” you gasp when you feel him move your panties to the side and slide a finger past your depths. He can feel his spend inside of you and it makes him growl. 

“Lunch is almost over, Hugh…” you whimper.

“I know. Let me have my dessert, baby.” Hugh grins and then lowers his head between your legs.

---

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@wolverigrl - @its-in-the-woods - @d3ad2you - @definitely-not-chill - @khxna

[uncookedfeeler]

How it all started 👹

Jessi x Reader

Tags : 5k, smut

Loyalty is a deep and enduring commitment that manifests itself in trust, respect and support. It implies a sense of obligation and responsibility where each individual acts in the best interests of the other. This bond, which grows stronger with each passing week, month and year, is the cornerstone of any successful partnership.

For the investor, it's the guarantee of a long-term financial investment, not without risk of course, but also the exclusivity of every opportunity linked to the person being supported.

For the celebrity, it's the guarantee of permanent and intangible financial support, as long as the terms of the contract are respected, as well as access to other resources in the eventuality of difficulties.

It's been a busy few weeks for you, and as the number of visitors to your establishments increases, so does your workload. The financial returns are excellent, your customers seem satisfied with your services on both sides, and there's no sign of a downturn in business, which in a way doesn't bother you and the last thing you want to see right now is problems like scandal.

Scandals are an integral part of the industry in which you do business, and you are no stranger to them yourself. Before you implemented a 'zero' policy in your establishment, there were a number of outbursts from investors who were a little too physical with your customers, which earned you some minor concerns, but also a great deal of respect and trust for the way you handled these problems.

And nothing prepared you for the one that set the nation alight last night, incriminating your oldest client and long-time friend. So you arranged a meeting with this person.

It's not uncommon for you to appear in public at your favourite club, enjoying your own service and waving to the many clients and staff who fill the place. Amid discreet glances and whispers, you sit down at a table in the middle of the room and lean back.

Quickly, one of your employees, accompanied by the manager, appears in front of you to serve you. 

"Welcome sir, I'm sorry I didn't come to greet you myself", says the manager in a hurry, the little man looks rather stressed and his face doesn't remind you of anything, probably a newcomer, you think.

The young woman next to him, much more stoic, bends down slightly to greet you.

"Good evening, sir, how are you? A double with ice as usual?" The familiar tone seems to disturb the manager, who is about to reprimand her.

"Yes, please, Seola," you say, smiling at the spectacle unfolding before you, and after taking your order, the young woman gives her manager a dark look of authority before returning to the bar.

"I'm sorry sir, I'll make sure she's disciplined, please excuse her", the manager says to you, bowing to show his respect.

"Haha, don't worry newbie, even if you're her boss she'll give you a hard time" you give the manager a light pat on the back before letting him disappear from your sight.

Shortly afterwards, Seola appears with your drink and sits down opposite you as if nothing had happened. 

"So what's he been saying since yesterday?" you ask her in a low voice.

"People seem worried, the fact that it happened right outside the bar doesn't help, especially with the media attention of the scandal", she replies, matching the volume of your voice.

"It's not good at all, is it?"

"Not really, people here know she's directly connected to you, so we need to solve the problem quickly, at least internally"

"Leave it to me, sorry for the trouble"

The young woman gets up and goes back to her work, information gathering is crucial in your field and people like Seola, who are your ears within your walls, make it a lot easier. 

And just as you're enjoying your drink with a clear mind, you hear the sound of heels tapping in the distance, then the surrounding noise falls to a deadly silence, and without even looking in the right direction, you know who's just entered the room, and quickly all eyes follow the progress of the woman who appears behind you and finally sits down opposite you where Seola was just a minute ago.

Under the red and dim light of the room, a small woman with long light brown hair appears, wearing a strappy purple outfit that accentuates her huge breasts, slightly hidden by a large sparkling crystal heart necklace. Her make-up is striking, with heavy eye shadow and a bold lip, giving her a pouty look.

"Sit down Jessica" you say firmly and loudly so that the whole room can clearly hear your order, supported by your furious expression, the young woman obeys without saying a word except for a simple one:

"Oppa ... I" that comes weakly from her trembling voice.

It's a show of dominance that you are preparing to display to your audience. Jessi, the woman with such a charismatic and strong image, is crushed under your authority and you intend to make an example of her.

With a simple, dramatic wave of your hand, you ask one of the waiters to bring a glass of water to your table and, leaning back in your armchair, you light a cigarette, even though it's forbidden inside, but no one will dare reprimand you, given the way things have turned out.

The woman keeps her legs together, doesn't dare look at you, and stares at the glass of water in front of her. She's obviously waiting for you to start your scolding, as usual. But this time she's gone too far and you stare at her for several long minutes.

"Oppa, I... I didn't mean to cause so much trouble, The kid came out of nowhere and my friend just overreacted. It's not like I pushed him myself" The young woman finally breaks the silence and looks up at you for the first time.

You don't know where to start, the situation is so bad from every angle, so you just listen.

"Of course I feel sorry for the boy, but with the CCTV and now the police questioning, it's just nonsense. People really do have time on their hands".

You already knew she wasn't the most mature of the bunch, but her reasoning is completely wrong, so you take the lead.

"Is that all you've got to say to me?" Anger slowly builds inside you, from the tension and adrenaline pumping through you.

"YOUR FUCKING FRIEND HIT A CHILD, A MINOR, IN FRONT OF MY ESTABLISHMENT, FOR GOD'S SAKE!" You throw your half-empty glass down, shattering it into a million pieces as it hits the floor. You continue to make large movements towards Jessi, explaining:

"LISTEN TO ME, JESSICA, I AM TIRED OF CLEANING UP AFTER YOU. YOU PUT MY BUSINESS AND EVERYONE AROUND US AT RISK WITH YOUR BULLSHIT".

"Oppa, I'm sorry, sit down." Her voice shaking, she also stands up to try and calm you down, but to no effect.   

In your exaggerated anger, you rip off his collar, throw it on the table and grab his face, squeezing his cheeks hard.

"NOW YOU'RE GOING TO LISTEN TO ME VERY CAREFULLY, YOU'RE GOING TO SORT OUT THIS PROBLEM WITH THE POLICE AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE YOUR LABEL AND MAKE YOURSELF VERY SMALL BECAUSE I SWEAR TO YOU, IF I SEE YOUR UGLY FACE ON TV AGAIN, WE'RE REALLY GOING TO HAVE A PROBLEM".

The pressure and violence of your words overwhelms Jessi, who begins to cry her eyes out, her make-up suffering the effects and running down her face. From the outside, the scene seems to have shocked your audience, who are witnessing a public humiliation, but that's all it takes to show that you're still in control of the situation.

You let go of the woman's face, still in shock, and you can see in her eyes that she is terrified and didn't expect this when she arrived.

"Go and freshen up in a private room, I'll join you in 5 minutes, we haven't finished our discussion yet," you order her, snapping your fingers, and the young woman complies before disappearing from the main room,

You turn to your staff to apologise for the mess and you do the same to everyone in the room, the audience seems to have been captivated by the scene, leaving a feeling of respect but also fear. Finally, you make your way to the corridor where the private rooms are located.

Access to the corridor is controlled by scanning a membership card to open a sliding-door that blends seamlessly into the wall. Although entry to your establishments is already by selection, those who wish can pay to gain access to these private rooms.

Once the door is open, you enter a corridor about twenty metres long, with several doors on either side. Each of these rooms is numbered and equipped for total privacy. As you walk along with your hands in your pockets, one of the doors on your left unlocks and you see one of your clients and former idol, Ms Seolhyun, step out:

"Good evening, Madame. I hope you're having a lovely evening? Everything going well inside?" you say with a warm smile as you stop in front of door N°4, greeting her with a simple nod.

“Good evening, Sir! Everything's going great... I..I just need to go to the toilet, thank you so much for your concern!”, replies the young woman as she leans over to greet you, her large breasts on full display.

You notice the delightful sweat on her face and her gorgeous, slightly flushed complexion. You even take the time to pull up the strap of her dress that has slipped off her shoulder, being careful not to drop the access card that is stuck between her two magnificent boobs. Then you move aside to let her pass.

You discreetly peek inside and see one of your old friends, Mr Hang, sitting on the sofa at the back of the room, enjoying the mouth of a short-haired woman while playing with the breasts of another.

You shut the door yourself with your foot until you hear the click of the latch, sealing the privacy of your clients once again, and make your way back to the room next door, wearing No. 6, you take your hands out of your pockets and pull the belt out of your trousers before wrapping it around your hand. Gently, you scan your card again on the badger by the door and enter the room.

You move slowly into the room, your footsteps echoing lightly on the tiles, each inch adding gravity to the moment, and stop before a kneeling Jessi, her eyes fixed on the floor.

Without a word, you drop your belt at her feet, immediately attracting the young woman's attention, her gaze rising towards you with the anxiety she is trying to hide.

You walk past her, staring at her coldly, and sit down on the beige leather bench just behind Jessi, who is still kneeling. She now has her back to you, emphasising the vulnerability of her posture in the face of your lack of response.

And for the first time since you entered, you start talking to her : 

“Come here, darling” you say in a soft, affectionate voice and you see her obey without hesitation. She leans towards the belt on the floor, clutching it between her teeth with total obedience, in a show of deliberate submission. As she moves towards you on all fours, her eyes lowered, she seems to be aware of your penetrating gaze, which follows her without distraction, detailing her every move with silent satisfaction.

Finally, she reaches the seat and gently lifts her head to offer you your belt, her eyes tentatively searching your gaze for reassurance. In that suspended moment, you reach for your belt, then gently loop the strap around her neck, adjusting the buckle with cold precision. The belt tightens just enough to remind her of her existence without compromising her breathing. You take care to use the notch, deliberately drilled a little lower, adapted for this precise use.

“There you go” you murmur in a low, confident voice, Jessi's eyes rise slowly towards you, filled with unreserved submission, but also with a deep and palpable desire, the young woman is waiting for you to set your devotion on her.

“I'm sorry, my darling, for what I did before in front of everyone”, you gently reach out your hand to her, letting your fingers caress her still red cheek with tenderness, your thumb caressing it in a slow gesture, as if you wanted to erase your mistake, the young woman in her vulnerability closes her eyes and slowly lets her head rest on your thigh.

“But... you've been very naughty today and daddy needs to give you a little punishment, do me a favour and take off my trousers” and without further do the young woman complies and starts unbuttoning your trousers and then pulling off your underpants to free your semi-hard cock.

Jessi wraps her fingers around your shaft, gently stroking it to the head in a few thrusts. Then she extends her tongue and slides it along the underside of your cock, from the base to the tip. You let out a soft moan, your head falling back. "Go on girl, just like that..."

She swirls her tongue around your bulbous head, licking the beads of pre-cum dripping from the tip. Then she wraps her lips around it and sucks hard, lowering her head until the glans touches the back of her throat.

"Mmmmh! Now I recognise my little Jessica..." You gasp slightly as Jessi begins to rock her head back and forth, sucking on you with deep desire. One hand cupping and stroking your swollen balls as she works your shaft with her lips and tongue.

In no time at all, your cock is soaked in saliva and throbbing against the roof of her mouth. Jessi gives your swollen head a few more licks before pulling out. "Mmm do you like it when I do this daddy? Let me take care of your big cock a little longer.

She stays on her knees and slowly slides the straps of her tight dress to the side, exposing her huge tits as they bounce under the effect of gravity. You look at her lustfully and your cock continues to harden as they begin to push against each other.

She takes your thick shaft and presses it between her soft mounds, wrapping it in warm, soft flesh, squeezing her breasts around it and sliding it up and down. You just watch blissfully as your cock disappears between the flesh of her breasts, again and again.

Jessi continues to fuck you slowly and sensually, occasionally moving to suck the head of your cock before pushing it back into her cleavage. Her heavy breasts engulf it completely, your thick shaft disappearing each time before reappearing glistening with sweat. The wet, obscene sounds of her movements fill the room.

"What a needy little slut", you growl in approval as she gags and drools on your cock "You like choking on my big cock, don't you?" She hums in response, the vibrations making you roll your eyes.

Saliva drips down her chin as she works you, and you can't resist tangling your fingers in her soft hair, gripping it tightly as you begin to thrust into her mouth. "That's it, take it all in like a good girl", you command.

Jessi relaxes her throat, letting you push your cock deeper until you feel her nose pressing against your pubic bone. You hold her down, your heavy balls resting on her chin before you pull out. She gasps, tears stinging the corners of her eyes, only to see you thrust back in.

You use her mouth like a fleshlight, thrusting into her head and grunting with pleasure. Drool drips down her chin as she gags and chokes on your thick meat. But she was a fighter, she took everything you gave her.

Pulling back abruptly, you slap her face with your saliva-soaked cock, leaving traces of her own saliva on her cheeks. "Open up you little slut," you say, lifting her chin with the tip. "Ah!" Jessi screams as you thrust your cock back into her open mouth. As you start to thrust, you pull on the belt around her neck, tightening it just enough to make her dizzy. Her eyes roll back and she moans like a whore.

Holding her neck tightly, you finally let go of her hair and start slapping her fake tits hard, the impact of your thrusts leaving red marks on her body and you really let go, brutally fucking her face. Her throat swells obscenely with each deep thrust.

"Take it, you cock hungry bitch!" you growl, punctuating your words with particularly vicious thrusts. "Choke on my cock!"

Tears stream down her face as she chokes and spits, her throat convulsing around you, you can feel her dizziness from the lack of air and the rough treatment. But you don't care. All you care about is using your property for your pleasure.

Just before you spit your load, you pull out and point your cock at her face. Jessi manages to get her hands up just in time to grab your thick, heavy balls and stroke your cock as I come. Shot after shot of hot, sticky cum splashes into her face, coating her cheeks, nose and open mouth. She swallows as much as she can but it drips down her chin and onto her breasts.

"Tsk tsk, you're a mess", you say, chuckling darkly as you pull yourself in "Get up and take your dress off, we're going to have a chat while I claim your little pussy again".

Jessi stands up on shaky legs, her tiny body glistening with sweat and cum. Her once innocent face is now covered in your thick, sticky cum. Tears stream down her cheeks as the reality of what has just happened begins to sink in. She looks up at you with pleading eyes, silently begging you to comfort and reassure her.

You pull her towards you, hold her trembling body in your arms and let her rest on your shoulder. "Shhh, it's all right, my little girl", you coo softly, running your fingers through her tangled hair "I'm sorry, Daddy, I was naughty, I didn't mean any harm".

You slowly let her sit on you, her little body spreading out as you stroked her back. Her breasts, now covered with your fingerprints, rise with each shuddering breath. You lean down and take a stiff nipple between your lips, sucking and swirling your tongue around the sensitive bud. A soft moan escapes her as you lavish your attention on her abused breasts.

You align your still rock hard cock with her fully soaked pussy. With a slow, deep thrust, you bury yourself inside her, moaning as you feel her silky walls tighten around you. She lets out a cry, a mixture of pleasure and pain, as you thrust your thick cock into her cunt.

You begin to move, establishing a steady rhythm that makes her pussy throb around your throbbing cock. Her hands come to grip your shoulders, her nails digging into your skin as you fuck her. Leaning down, you capture her lips in a passionate kiss, your tongue thrusting into her mouth to claim every inch of her.

Pulling away, you plant hot, mouth open kisses along her neck before latching onto her pulse point and sucking hard to leave your mark. She arched her back against you, her hips undulating in response to your deep, powerful thrusts. The wet sound of skin against skin echoes around the room, mingling with her moans of need.

"Sounds like someone needed that", you growl into her ear. "Your pussy is really tight, is it my big cock you miss so much?" Grabbing her hips hard enough to leave bruises, you thrust into her, the force of your thrusts bouncing her off your thighs.

Reaching between her spread thighs, you find her sensitive clit and begin to rub tight circles over the swollen bud. She lets out a high-pitched squeal, her head bobbing from side to side as you pull her closer to the edge. Her pussy begins to ripple and quiver around your cock, signalling her impending orgasm.

"That's it baby, let yourself go" you instruct as you pinch her clit between your fingers. "Play on my big cock like a good little slut". Her body tensed, her back on the table as her orgasm overwhelmed her. She begins to convulse, clear fluid gushing from her pussy, covering your cock and balls.

As you feel her tight pussy milking your cock, you let out a bestial grunt. Pulling out, you flip her stomach onto the table, grab your belt again, throw her head back and force your way into her still throbbing hole, giving her no time to come down from her euphoria.

You thrust into her with brutal, punishing strokes, the wet sounds of your cock sinking into her cum-soaked pussy obscenely loud. She moans and sobs, her battered body no match for your relentless assaults. The force of your thrusts shakes her entire body, her crushed tits swaying beneath her with each stroke of your hips.

Leaning over her, you bite her shoulder, growling and moaning like a wild beast as you thrust into her. Your balls slap against her clit with each thrust, bringing her to the brink of another earth-shattering orgasm.

"I'm going to cum, hold your pussy tight", you moan, your thrusts becoming erratic and you tug on your belt as your orgasm approaches. "I'm going to stuff my cum into this fertile pussy." You pound into her a few more times before thrusting deep and crashing against her womb. With a loud groan you explode, painting her insides with thick streams of hot cum.

You continue to rock inside her, driving your sperm into her quivering hole. She moans and gasps as your cock twitches inside her, each spurt sending sparks of pleasure and pain through her body.

Finally, exhausted, you collapse onto your back and pull her onto you. She lies limp, still impaled on your softening shaft, her mixed fluids flowing around your cock. You wrap your arms around her and hold her close as she kisses you lovingly, her small body shaking from the force of her orgasm.

"Shhh, it's all right now", you soothe her, covering her face and neck with soft kisses " I've missed your body, feeling your pussy milking me like that reminded me of all the times I got you pregnant, but we need to talk about what's next, darling". You whisper compliments in her ear until her breathing slowly calms down.

While you're still slumped on the bench, with Jessi resting on top of you, your phone buzzes with an incoming text message. Pulling it out of your pocket, you see that it's from your friend Mr Hang.

When you open the message, you are immediately greeted by an extremely obscene photo. In the shot, three young women - Seolhyun, Choa and Jimin are kneeling in front of the camera, their faces completely covered in huge ropes of thick, creamy cum. Each of their mouths is stretched around Mr Hang's huge semi-erect cock, obviously fresh from an aggressive blow job on its thick shaft. The bulging cockhead, coated in their saliva, glistens obscenely as it emerges between their lips. You can even see trickles of cum dripping from her chin and splashing onto her swollen breasts.

The sheer depravity of the photo makes your cock throb in Jessi's pussy. She moans and clenches around you in response to your arousal. A diabolical thought crosses your mind as to how to respond to Mr Hang's message.

Gently, you encourage Jessi to lift herself off your rigid pole. Cum immediately pours from her gaping hole, her stomach and thighs already soaked in the creamy cum you've pumped into her. It's at this moment that you realise just how much of your cum you've filled Jessica with - it's impossible not to get pregnant with such a load.

Moving surprisingly quickly for having just ejaculated inside her, Jessi collapses onto her back on the table and spreads her legs. Streams of pearly cum continue to ooze from her pussy, running down her slit and spreading over her tanned skin.

You reach out to steady Jessi's right ankle, lift her leg and use your other hand to tilt your phone for the shot. Through the lens you frame the perfect shot - Jessi's cum-filled pussy opening invitingly on the messy table, her swollen pussy lips smooth and glistening with your cum. Swirling ribbons of cum paint the insides of her thighs and the surface of the table a pure white.

You snap a few photos to immortalise the debauchery that followed your crude coupling, the obscene evidence of her well-trained hole. Pressing the screen, you send the most incriminating picture to Mr Hang in response to his obscene message, knowing that he will appreciate it.

As she rests her leg, she looks up at you coquettishly, her face flushed and her eyes heavy with desire. Your palm lands on her ass check with a resounding slap as you rub the pink imprint of your hand across her tanned skin.

"That's how I love you Jessica" you growl, your voice rough with lust. "And I'm far from finished with your wicked cunt, unless I change and hammer your arse".

Jessi moans in need and arching her back, presents her dripping cunt to you like a bitch in heat. You slap her arse again, leaving another red mark on her creamy cheeks. The way she moans and wiggles her hips fuels the fires of your excitement.

You push into Jessi's dripping pussy again as she lies on her stomach and spreads herself for you. "Remember that first night?" You ask, grunting as you sink deeper into her tight warmth. “When my little Jessica spread her legs for her daddy" She lifts her head and gives you a shy smile. "Oh yeah? You really remember our first time together ? When I signed that first contract?"

You grin, remembering clearly. "How could I forget? Eighteen years ago, you were this cheeky 17-year-old young rapper trying to make a name for yourself. So fucking eager and innocent, not realising what you were really getting into with me".

Jessi lets out a small laugh. "Innocent? Please, I knew exactly what I was getting into when I agreed to be your artist and personal fucktoy. I just had no idea how long you'd keep me around once you'd had your fun". Jessi moans, her back arching as she takes you completely inside her "Mmm yes, I'll never forget that Daddy", she moans. "You were so gentle... the first man to claim me completely".

You grip her hips tighter, your fingers digging into her soft flesh as you slap her roughly from behind. "And look at you now", you growl in approval. "My perfect little breeding slut. So eager for my cum."

"Always, my body and my womb belong to you," she says, thrusting herself back against you. "You're the only one who's ever satisfied me... who's ever filled me so well"

"Well, yes... that too. But also that you were the one. The girl I wanted to make mine forever," you slow your thrusts, savouring the feeling of her wet heat clutching you. "And I did. I've kept this tight pussy all to myself for eighteen years now."

"Mmm yeah, and what a crazy ride it's been..." Jessi muses, clutching my cock. "Like when I got knocked up, huh?"

You nod, remembering the panic and subsequent solution. "The first couple of times you told me you were pregnant, I nearly had a heart attack. I couldn't risk you carrying my child yet."

"Yep. Abortions and the morning-after pill have become my best friends'". She jokes dryly. "Although I suppose I should be grateful that you always went out of your way to help and support me afterwards".

You nod. "Yes, it's true. I could never get rid of that gorgeous bum, and I haven't even mentioned your tits" You punctuate the sentence with a hard slap on her hip.

Jessi yelps, then moans as she pushes herself back against me "Ffffuck, keep it up. I'll cum again if you do".

You smile and obey, picking up a relentless pace, watching her ass jiggle with each slam of your hips against hers. You slid one hand down her body to squeeze her tits as you fucked her mercilessly. "That's it, come for me Jessica. Squeeze my cock like the perfect little cock muff you are".

"Ungh, so close!" She gasps, the walls around you begin to throb, signalling her impending orgasm "Fuck, I'm coming again... I'm coming!"

Jessi's pussy tightened and she came with a loud moan, her whole body shaking with the force of her orgasm. The grip on her pussy was too strong and with a moan you buried yourself deep and came violently, shooting thick ropes of cum straight into her quivering pussy, still full from your previous load.

You collapsed together on the table, gasping for breath as the aftershocks rippled through us. After a moment you withdrew carefully, watching with satisfaction as your cum dripped out of her wet, saturated hole.

Jessi lay on her back and look at you with a lazy, satiated expression "Fuck, you really let it all out deep inside me, I'm not going to be able to get any more, look how my pussy is overflowing".

You giggle and take her in your arms. "Yes? Well, get used to it again. Because this body is still mine, as it has been for the last eighteen years. And I still have a long way to go before I'm done with it".

She smiled mischievously at you "Mmm, I love it when you get all dominant and take charge. I suppose this is the part where you stuff my pussy every day with your seed?"

You smile back and kiss her deeply, knowing she was right. "And I intend to keep this pussy mine for at least another eighteen years. At least. So get ready because the rules have changed, no more contraception or abortion, it's your turn to make me drink your milk, Mummy"

.

.

Your bedroom is softly illuminated by the glow of the bedside lamps. The air is thick with the musky scent of sex and sweat. Jessi lay on the king-size bed, her hair fanning out against the silk pillowcase. Her voluptuous body drenched in sweat, the marks of your passionate lovemaking visible on her ivory skin in the form of red scratches and love bites.

You stand over her, your handsome cock still semi-erect, glistening with a mixture of your combined juices. Her freshly crumpled contract, stained with traces of your thick, potent cum, lay forgotten at the foot of the bed, a testament to the depraved acts you'd just indulged in together.

"Please", Jessi moans, looking up at you with desperate, lustful eyes. "Come empty yourself inside me. I need to feel you come inside me again and again until my womb is filled with your seed."

She spreads her thighs in invitation, exposing her dripping, well-fucked pussy to your delight. "Make me pregnant, Daddyy. Now that my career is over, come and start my life as a mother. Please ravage me again!"

You tower over her, a predatory gleam in your eye as you watch the spectacle of debauchery before you. Your aching cock contracts and hardens at her shameless pleas, ready to deliver another massive load deep into her fertile young womb.

[the-somwthing]

The thing in pvpciv that I’m most interested in is the guards tbh. Like… they live in a totally different type of society than the swords. What are their lives like?? I KNOW they will explain all of this EVENTUALLY. (Gives me hope we’ll see the guard friend more haha).

Like, in parkour civilization, the guys who had jobs were explained, and they were just regular guys like Evbo, doing jobs. But the guards in pvp civilization? When Evbo upgraded to a stone sword, I was really expecting a similar situation to parkour civilization where he sees people getting jobs. But no. Swords don’t seem to have any way of becoming guards.

In fact, the guards don’t even have swords. They have shields. I’m guessing their lives are tied to their shields instead of their swords, but you can’t upgrade shields, so in order to rank up you upgrade your HELMET by breaking it.

It all kind of makes sense to me? In pvp civilization, swords rank up by dealing hits, while shields rank up by taking hits. But like seriously, what are their lives like? Why are the 1v1s a thing? I can understand the daily hits, since the guards want their helmets to break, but 1v1s don’t really benefit them, it only really benefits the swords, so they can get their wins. (Also means it’s bad for the swords haha). Also what’s up with buying guard protection? Did the guards start selling their services or is whoever is in charge making them do that? Cuz if it were totally up to the guards, they would surely rather be paid directly than hoping for tips after the swords buy from the armor stand.

And most importantly… WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE GUARDS RANK UP. There’s clearly no golden guards, I think we’ll have to wait to be sure if there’s diamond guards or not, and are there iron guards I genuinely don’t remember cuz this isn’t meant to be a theory post just me rambling after watching everything only once like yesterday or the day before idk. Even aside from the ranks themselves, the guards ranking up isn’t automatic, I’m guessing they kind of have a red gate as well that can only open if they aren’t wearing a helmet? And then when they pass through they get their new helmet. WAIT. Why do they even WANT to upgrade? Wouldn’t more durability be WORSE? I NEED to know what happens in guard society to make them want to rank up. The stone guards just have dyed leather helmets so they don’t even have extra durability to be fair. Also is the rest of their armor unbreakable? Idk.

I’m just augh endlessly curious about the guards of pvp civilization.

[pixie05love]

Look at this panel of Ego from chapter 8

Now look at Barou's shirt number. He has a 10 but...

Reading it from right to left is 01! Just like in Ego's panel!! (Keep this in mind while reading now, please)

Now, for context, in chapter 7, team X (Barous team) had to play against team Z (Isagi's team), a match that Ego called as "The battle to rebuild football from zero".

Barou's and Isagi's team were a complete mess because they all wanted to score, which made them all start stealing the ball from their own teammates.

This messy state stops the moment Barou scores, turning the score from 0 to 1, rebuilding his team order, and taking control over the game.

Barou was the "1" of team X. Barou was the cornerstone of the team around which they'd developed their strategies to win against Isagi.

*

(Doesn't sound familiar? Kaiser has a 10 on his uniform, and BM had him as his cornerstone too. Noa practically trained them while having Kaiser in mind as the focal point of their strategies to scores goals 0.0)

Now, after that, Bachira and Isagi decide that if their going to lose (which happened at the end), they must at least score one goal. Isagi was going to be the one to score until Kunigami asked Isagi for the ball, and Isagi passed it to him, letting him have the opportunity to score instead.

Now let's take a look at Kunigami's dorsal number!

It's a 9! He scored a goal so... 9+1=10!

10! just like Barou's dorsal number! and remember the first panel I showed of Ego and the one of Barou! Read 10 from right to left -> 01. Kunigami became the "1" of team Z turning when he turned the score from 0 to 1!

Now... why is this "becoming the 1" so relevant in these chapters? Let's look at chap.6 title:

"1 = Individual"

In other official translations, like the Spanish one, instead of individual they translated it to "individuality" and I find it more correct than individual. Although both could work depending on the context so I'll use both.

(If anybody has the Japanese translation, please tell me or correct me. I don't know how to find them :'D)

Back to the meaning of the "1", if the title of chap.6 is stating a fact in Blue Lock's world (that 1 = individual/individuality) then characters that have a 10 as their dorsal number could mean or represent that those characters are the embodiment of individuality / their own individual.

I believe this is true because Isagi's lesson in these chapters was to be his own individual, to reject that initial idea he had of always passing the ball to his teammates instead of being him the one to score. To "embrace" his individual desire of scoring a goal and "have his moment."

Barou tells him that in his own way and Isagi also notices that he hadn't changed that habit yet:

The fact that Barou was the one who told him this was no coincidence!!

He's the "1" of the team, the cornerstone. The only footballer that embodies his own individual and this individuality is one of a king. His own teammates recognise him as such.

Isagi himself says that Barou doesn't start from zero like the rest. He's straight up the 1!

* (Look at the panels above. The ones with a red asterisk on top. In those panels, Isagi says that Barou was the "1" right away. Tumblr image limit doesn't let me put more images, sorry😔)

Now... What I'm trying to prove with all this is 2 things about the meaning of the number on their dorsals:

the number 10 has something to do with the concepts of individuality / individual (1 = individual / individuality). It could mean the character embodies his own concept of individuality or has a clear idea of themselves as an individual, like Barou in these first chapters* seeing himself as "The King".

*he later on gets his ideals crushed by Isagi but that doesn't take away the fact that he had a clear perception of his individuality before so i think the point still stands.

the number 9 could represent a character who's potentially going to develop a sense of individuality or that they're evolving their previous idea of individuality. Like I showed before with Kunigami, who had a 9 in his dorsal, and after scoring, he turned the 0 into a 1 for the team, making him become the "1" *

*it wasn't as relevant to the plot or for Kunigami's character because they lost the match but I think, and if my point is right, the author still gave him the opportunity to score for 2 possible reasons:

to establish this dynamic of individuality and on the process to achieve individuality and

as a trigger for Isagi's seach for his own individuality.*

My gosh, how many times have I written "individual" and "individuality" already😭

* BTW, I think Isagi is still struggling with this thing of finding his individual self on the field despite having grown a lot from chap.1 to current chapters, and I think chap.281 proves this:

* The difference now is that he's now competing against the best of the best players what I think is a correct path for him since he's been thinking that he's one of them for a long time now... and that's definitely not the case. He still needs a lot to learn (this gives me hopes because the author might give his character more depth, but maybe I'm delusional).

Now, back to what i was saying. To prove my point properly I'd have to look for every relevant character on the manga that has these numbers on their dorsals and argue how they are depictions of this dynamic (I could do it in multiple parts while I'm now rereading the manga but I'd take me time since I've got a long way until I reach current chapters.)

Also❕️

I mainly wrote this because I feel like it works with Kaiser and Noa's dynamic, or it could be related somehow (I'll make it relate, idc, this has gotten longer than i thought)

The reason I believe this it's because of these panels of them:

Noa has the number 9

Kaiser has the number 10

Noa states that he's constantly evolving, that the title of the best was not something he was looking forward to. This puts Noa in a constant state of potentially achieving a new sense of individuality... Like he's constantly creating and destroying every new individual he reaches.

The thing with Noa is that he does not care about him being perceived by the rest as an specific "individual", he doesn'tcare about titles.

The world gave him the title of Number 1 (of the "1" I've been yapping about this whole time) but he doesn't recognise it. He actually believes that the real threat is MBappe- Loki (AND LOKI DOES HAVE THE NUMBER 10 ON HIS DORSAL!!1!1!1)

Now my glorious blue eyed king Kaiser has always been the "1" of BM (and of my heart) but it was because of Noa's plan.

Now Kaiser has rejected Noa's plan, creating his new story, hence, creating his own individual / acknowledging his own individuality. Kaiser is turning the 0 to a 1, his "zero self" into a goal (however it was blocked by Loki, another individual just like Kaiser. They basically clash because they're both the "1" of their respective teams).

If I'm right, this could possibly mean that if BM wins this match, it will due to Kaiser's goal, making him be the "1" of his team and proving, through soccer to Noa, that he is his own individual.

.

.

.

Now, I think I'll leave it here because this is already long and I don't want it to be longer (I've also reached the image limit so I can't properly prove my points if I don't show the source of them, i feel like I'm lying lol)

This post was inspired by @mvrdermeharder (Hiiii, i hope im not bothering you by @ you here!) posts about the dorsal's numbers. I liked them lot so go check them too please! :)

❕️This post is only my take on this topic since I also think they have meaning, so this was just my interpretation❕️

If anyone has read this until the end let me just tell you that ily and let's be mutuals if we aren't yet🫶

Also @lorenzobbg you wanted me to @ so HELLOO I hope you enjoy this silly analysis if you read it<33

[legally-allowed-to-slime]

okay i think it’s time to talk about the “are we mean?” line from gem (28:16 her pov) which no one else seems to care about and it’s driving me crazy

so. if you watch the actual clip she changes her sentence from “are we th—” to “are we mean”. she also says it with the exact same inflection that cleo used. this gives me the hunch that she had cleo’s line in double life on her head since gem is pretty aware of fandom things and that’s an iconic line. at the same time though, this is a stretch so we’re gonna go ahead with the assumption that those two lines were just coincidentally similar.

at first glance it might seem like cleo’s double life line (“are we the mean girls?”) and gem’s line (“are we mean?”) are entirely similar and about similar circumstances, but if you look a little closer the similarities fall apart

in cleo’s case, they say it after the box boys had died and they were looting their stuff. pearl shows up and confronts them but the pair just laugh and say it was pearl’s fault ren and bigb died anyway. pearl doesn’t really push it either. then they steal more stuff and leave, before cleo says The line. so with this context, it’s pretty obvious what cleo’s asking is a rhetorical question. what happened immediately before would make them, objectively, the “mean girls” (both stealing and ignoring pearl’s concerns). scott is aware, which is why he immediately responds “yes”, with a smile in his voice. because to them, they might be petty villains, but because it’s funny and they’re self-aware, then they can’t be truly villainous, like dl!pearl. it’s a shared bit between the two of them that they’re being catty high school girls, and scott’s response establishes the fact that they really don’t care. they are two partners in crime, giggling after robbing the bank. top 10 i-can’t-remember-their-ship-name moment

gem on the other hand. hers comes after a long episode of telling everyone who passes by to hate impulse and pearl (soup group divorce 💔). moments later ren kills impulse, and gem thinks that it might be because of her. then she tells joel that “we’re winning by just telling other people who to kill”. but the dynamic between scott + cleo and gem + joel are very different. while scott and cleo are equally up to no good, gem is manipulating the social dynamics of the server while joel is off being angry. the difference between joel and gem is like the difference between joel and scott. so when gem asks “are we mean?”, it’s not like cleo asking scott, knowing they can have a good laugh over it. she’s testing the limits, seeing if what she’s doing can tip over into being mean. and joel, not being scott, automatically says “no, we’re not mean. he shouldn’t have been mean to us.” (insane parallels over gem and cleo saying the same thing but joel and scott having exact opposite answers btw) joel functions in a more straightforward manner: if you’re mean to me, then i can be as mean as i like to you. however, he hasn’t been here to witness gem’s social plays. it’s not like scott and cleo where they were both there to commit the crime together. it’s gem standing there with the blood on her knife and asking joel if she’s guilty. and joel, being both loyal and headstrong, denies it.

after joel says that, gem agrees with, “that’s true, he shouldn’t have been mean to us.” she pauses, turns, and then says “you’re right”. joel, who doesn’t concern himself with such mental gymnastics, has already moved onto bigger things, like a parkour course. but in the meantime gem has used her ally’s careless, uninformed response as proof to convince herself that she can’t be being mean, and that what she’s doing to impulse (and pearl) is warranted. while scott and cleo openly acknowledge their wrongdoing (and in doing so dismiss it), gem pushes it down, trying to persuade herself that she’s the good guy. because she can’t be bad, right? the bad guys are on the other side.

and this inner turmoil is obvious. she does concede before that impulse probably doesn’t deserve her slandering, in the same way that scott concedes he can be “mean”, but brushing it off because it’s so insignificant it doesn’t reflect on their actual character. because in the same way as scott, gem is chasing some objective standard of morality, and doing everything on the good side, and if she does something on the bad side then that something is now a good thing, because she’s a good person.

isn’t it crazy how i wrote this much about one line

[lych33dragoncookie]

Ok so about yesterday's post, I'm rly rly grateful for all the attention n feedback, I'm glad ppl resonate with my analysis stuff and that they're happy to find someone who understands the characters, buuuuut Since it's my most critical post till now it's garnered a few counterpoints that I kinda wanna address.

The first one, and the one that I understand the most; the people that were telling me to not lose hope and that they could do something more with this.

I... Appreciate the optimism! I really do, and if you believe this then obviously I hold no ill will towards you and if you can keep looking on the bright side then more power to you, but... Really, I think the moment and the chance have already passed, unfortunately.

Yes, I am genuinely saying that, unless they pull a miracle, whatever they do next is just... Not going to land. Definitely not as well as it would have to have a better ending to the story we got.

Here's the main thing, really. For one... What is Burning Spice even gonna do to get one over Golden Cheese again? He's already just about entirely outmatched, and so anything they do next is just gonna feel like a repeat of what they already did in this update. Though more importantly, I'm concerned with the fact that they can't really do this again, we just saw Golden Cheese at her lowest point, actually on the brink of death, more heavily damaged than we've ever seen anyone in this entire franchise, we got extra development for both her and Smoked Cheese, and the Spice Army is kind of just... Not there anymore. No one other than Nutmeg Tiger really has any faith in Burning Spice anymore. The setting, the stakes, the characters, everything that made this story hold up (until its god awful ending) isn't repeatable, not without making it feel like we're just doing the same thing again. They can't match the sheer level of visceral brutality either, not only because again the setting is gone but also because it really won't hit anywhere near as hard the second time around, and even they have limits for how far they're willing to go with it.

That's just kind of the thing. The one thing that makes me so mad about how much this ending sucked. This entire story is one of a kind, you can't do this again, because if you try, then it's not gonna hit anywhere near as hard the second time around. Hell, it'd be the third time we've seen Golden Cheese in a low spot that she ends up pulling through and recovering from, and the second time (with Burning Spice) was so much more extreme than the first one which is part of what made it work, you can't do that again.

The framing isn't replicable. The active contrast between the two primary characters, the brutality and viscerality of it all, the active rejection of Burning Spice's ideals in a golden blaze of glory, the reinforcement of Golden Cheese's will through an adversary completely opposite to her, it can't happen again. This is why you don't fumble a story like this, because once you've shot the round, it's spent. There's no getting it back. If you miss the shot, no matter how potent the weapon, it won't do anything, and there's no getting that shot back. Specially because, like... Are we forgetting that we're not done with Golden Cheese here? Why waste more time on retreading ground that we already covered with her encounter against Burning Spice, when instead it would be much better spent later on focusing on her relationship with White Lily, and how she handles the whole Dark Enchantress situation? Sure, I have no doubt all the beasts are gonna come back, but I really, really don't see them getting entire stories dedicated to each and every single one again, specially involving their respective ancients, because... They've. Already lost. And if you try to set up the same matchups, it's just gonna feel like doing the same thing all over again. If/when they come back, it's most likely gonna be more short-form, akin more to a boss rush, I'd imagine, because the alternative is... What, exactly? Just doing their chapters again? A second time? For each one? It just feels really weird to think about, honestly.

Just... Everything here. Every bit of it. Every bit of narrative paralleling with Golden Cheese, Smoked Cheese, Nutmeg Tiger, Burning Spice and both of the respective kingdoms/armies, it was all contained in this arc, and you can't just do the same thing all over again, specially when the thing you've got set up next for Golden Cheese is a meeting with White Lily. Unless you plan to have Silent Salt and Burning Spice team up for a 2v2 against White Lily and Golden Cheese or... Something..? Completely taking away from the 1v1 fated duel kinda thing they've had going on this entire time..? I dunno, man. I don't see how they could salvage this. They had their chance, and they wasted it. Like sand, slipping through their fingertips.

Alright, that's the big one out of the way. I saw the comments and RBs bring up a few other points, so I'll address those now.

The first one, with someone posing the idea that she did take Burning Spice's Soul Jam, and that's why hers' changed color.

... What?

That's... That's not shown. Ever. Sure, you have an animation of her soul jam going over Spice's and eclipsing it, but... That's. Kind of it? It's never implied at all, and worse yet, it's directly contradicted by the fact Spice still has his Soul Jam. Like. It's right there. You can see it.

You could say maybe it's just a case of reusing assets, that they wouldn't make a whole new asset just for this one cutscene, but, uh... ... They did. It's this one.

It shows up in absolutely no other cutscene, only the one where he's about to get smacked by Golden Cheese. If his soul jam was taken not only would we have seen it (like we did both times it's happened to the Ancients), not only would he have probably noticed because that is very much a material object, but we would have seen it, like we do when both GC and Dark Cacao's soul jams are gone. So, no, he absolutely still has it. Undeniably so. You can't take someone's soul jam power without physically taking it, at least not that we've seen.

Secondly, a few comments/tags saying that it makes sense for Nutmeg Tiger to go back to Burning Spice after his defeat.

... I mean... Yeah, I guess? Technically?

It's... Not out of character. She is obsessive, absolutely to a fault, and she is incredibly stubborn. My main complain isn't that it makes no sense, and more that it's a bit of a wasted opportunity. More specifically, the fact that she went back to him with nothing about either of them having changed at all. It would have been super interesting to see how she'd react to seeing her god rendered powerless, to have him lash out at her despite her loyalty to him, to have Burning Spice's hostility and complete lack of care catch up to him and end up isolating him from absolutely everyone who served under him. To have her conversation with Smoked Cheese to be proven tangibly true, proving that yes, he would just discard her the moment she stops being useful. And, the best part? You get to keep her alive to have her process everything that just happened! Because, guess what, Burning Spice lacks basically all his power now, meaning he can't just kill her on the spot! Hell, if you really, really wanted to have a villain for a followup update, it could be Nutmeg Tiger, disillusioned with her former god's promises, deciding she'd find a way to become the next great destroyer, or something like that. Maybe she'd try to find someone else to serve instead to give her life some sort of purpose? Who knows! There's so many options you could go with, rather than just... Resetting everything back to where we started.

Really, this part of the whole thing is the least of my concerns. She's not the biggest player in this update, but I think she would have benefited heavily from the "Burning Spice gets his Soul Jam taken away" route in terms of potential development. Alas... There's a good chance we'll never get to know what that would have even looked like.

Thirdly and lastly;

The argument that it wouldn't be in character for Golden Cheese to give Burning Spice another chance.

Okay, this is somewhat minor. I need to emphasize; when I gave that hypothetical scenario at the end of the last post, I meant it as like... A long term thing. Not something to happen within the chapter itself. Besides, it's just one of many paths you could go with a jamless Spice.

... I'm still holding my ground on it, though.

See... We've got to remember here: Burning Spice's immortality is the exact thing that got him here. Take that away, and what do you get? A large man with anger issues and no special powers; and absolutely no one to cover for the newfound weaknesses of a mortal, since he's alienated and wronged absolutely everyone loyal to him. Not the Kulfis, or Nutmeg Tiger, or any of the spicelings would be left to help him. He'd be on his own, entirely. Why would Golden Cheese ever even consider helping him in any way, you may ask? After all he did, after all the bloodshed, physical pain induced, and complete lack of remorse for any of his actions?

Simple. For the same reasons she gave Smoked Cheese and White Lily another chance.

The latter specially! At the end of the latest Beast Yeast chapter, Golden Cheese decided she's ready to talk to White Lily. White Lily, who, as far as she and everyone else is aware, is pretty much responsible for her kingdom being reduced to nothing but ash and crumbs. Of course, on an objective level, White Lily is much more understandable, specially since she now exists as a separate person from Dark Enchantress, but... In the end, does it matter? Are the actions themselves any different? No, not really. The level of destruction and decay are still the exact same.

The main difference is, while White Lily would at most be hesitant to accept forgiveness and feel really really bad (like mortifyingly bad) about what Dark Enchantress did, Burning Spice wouldn't be interested in such a thing.

And, honestly? I feel like Golden Cheese would know this. And, at first, she'd have absolutely no interest in actually helping him. To me, she'd occasionally visit to see how he's faring, how this oh-so-powerful god of destruction is doing now that he's just a powerless little commoner, a mortal like all the rest, teasing him, finding entertainment in his position, while he can't do anything about it. She gave him the mercy of life, but that doesn't mean she's not gonna be a little shit about it and have her fun. And he can't do anything about it, either! Truly, eternal torture. Powerless, mocked by your enemy, made to feel small, denied the satisfaction of a proper fight or a warrior's death... Lol, get fucked idiot.

Eventually, it would probably turn into teasing him about how her kingdom is shaping up quite nicely, how happy everyone there is, how it's such a shame that his short-sighted and hostile nature prevented him from ever knowing such comfort and luxury, how instead he's here fighting for his life in the land that he once ruled.

And then idk he almost gets himself killed in the middle of a spice storm or something and she refuses to give him the satisfaction of a quick death so she drags his sorry ass off to safety much to his absolute livid rage and idk you know where this kinda thing goes. Both parties here hate each other. But I feel like sooner or later, it could grow into a very begrudging living agreement where he works for her, day in and day out, to make up for everything he did, and as payment for being given somewhere to stay. A destroyer, helping to rebuild and elevate a civilization he was so intent on destroying, how ironic is that?

And then yuri or something idk. That part is optional I just like the idea.

... Can you tell I'm a Dragon Ball fan? I'm all too used to absurdly evil villains getting another chance and becoming either significantly less dangerous or outright good.

Yes, I'm looking at you, Vegeta. You may not have killed a single earthling, but you did almost directly cause the death of 4. And then over time, through many, many humiliations, and finding yourself a woman who can somehow handle how much of an arrogant cocky bastard you are, with a temper matching or surpassing your own, you settled down and built something infinitely better than what you had when you exerted your power over those under you. Seriously, watch Dragon Ball Z, it's really good. It somehow makes a redemption arc for a guy who's blown up planets feel genuinely believable and engaging.

... Right, Cookie Run.

Yeah, I think it would be perfectly in character for GC to refuse Burning Spice the warrior's death he so desperately wanted (you know finding something that can destroy him), take his soul jam, and after a good while of having fun with watching him flounder about as a mortal, drag his ass over to her kingdom to work for her to compensate for all the shit he's done. And it would be infinitely more interesting than what they actually ended up doing.

And... I think that's it!

I think that covers everything I wanted to say regarding my last post on the update. This is probably the last I'll have to say about it of my own accord, though you can definitely continue the conversation through asks (Always open!). I'm still really mad at how bad they fumbled, but...

Hey, that's what fan-fixing is for, isn't it? This ending may have sucked, but don't let that prevent you from making a better one yourself, through whatever your medium of preference is. Go ham. Because there's a good chance whatever you have in mind is infinitely better than whatever the hell they're planning to do next with Burning Spice.

Go absolutely nuts. I'll be watching on, and potentially participating, if writing motivation ever strikes.

Cya'll.

[foodtruckery]

Hi there! Im a bit new to ur blog but i just wanted to pop in to tell you how much i adore Combat Baby! Im actually super insane about it!! Idk why but the whole coat bits were just phenomenal and live in my brain forever now? Im already a sucker for older ford and mullet stan but oh boy now i cant stop picturing every version of stan stealing his brother's coat...for regular reasons and maybe also spicy reasons 👀 like a consensus i see is ford being a clothing sniffer but stan could also have a coat to sniff...as a treat...anyway sorry for rambling a bit here!! but please keep up the excellent work!

hello there, anon!! hey, if it makes you feel any better, i am also new to this blog so no worries there at all lol. ahh but thank you so much, it's so kind of you to come over here to say that!!

and okay hahaha let me ramble a little bit about the damn coat! cause i hadn't actually planned for like. ANY OF THAT to happen, so i am just thrilled to hear you enjoyed that random ass bit that ended up running away from me! cause like here's the thing. my main goal was just to get a few of ford's fucking layers off for the sake of the scene (fun fact: this whole scene originally started in a different room entirely and i said fuck that and moved them to the kitchen).

but then i figured the coat gave stan something to kinda consider while ford is faffing about, gave me a point to work on to keep driving at that "similar but different" narrative i was trying to lean into. but like....then the coat is there y'know?? i hadn't even included him asking for the thing in my first pass of that scene. but then it kinda felt like chekov's coat at that point and i couldn't not bring it back in.

but yes, i'm absolutely with you. i really do love the idea of stan like. taking comfort in being surrounded by something that smells like ford. especially if we're talking mullet stan and older ford here. and uhhhh. i had other like stuff i was gonna say, i think, but i kinda got carried away so.

hey! welcome to the blog! have a vaguely, hand wavey post-combat baby tidbit of stan jerking off in ford's coat:

This was stupid. Painfully, humiliatingly stupid. And if he got caught, Stan was pretty sure he'd just voluntarily disappear for another ten years rather than reckon with that particular flavor of mortification. 

Fuck, what did it say about him that the thought of Ford walking in and catching him beating off in nothing but his brother's stupid coat just made his dick twitch harder in his palm? 

Stan bit down on his lower lip and cast a furtive glance towards the door, but he didn't slow his fist any. He couldn't hear any movement outside the room, which suggested that Ford was still down in the basement or fucking around in the woods — he couldn't actually remember which one at the moment. He just knew that Ford had gone and occupied himself somewhere else and left his coat laying around, easy pickings. He hadn't even thought it through before he grabbed the thing and made himself scarce with it.

Vaguely, Stan reasoned that if Ford hadn't taken his coat, he probably wasn't wandering around outside in the fucking snow. But that meant he was probably somewhere inside still, and that really shouldn't make him as hot as it did. 

“Fucking hell,” he panted, fumbling with his free hand to tug the collar of the coat up to his nose. He breathed in the familiar-but-not smell of Ford and the memory of making embarrassing noises into the same material while he was railed on the kitchen table. 

Shuddering, Stan rolled his palm over the head of his dick and smeared precome down the shaft, muffling a moan in the jacket collar. It was heavy, a noticeable enough weight shifting against his bare skin that if he closed his eyes and tried hard enough, he could almost imagine Ford kneeling behind him, pressed against his back and draping his arms over his shoulders. It would put his mouth right against that spot behind Stan's ear that had never fully shaken the phantom feeling of Ford's lips moving there. 

But what the fuck would he even say? Would he be pissed at Stan for taking his coat? Probably. Sneer that he shouldn't be surprised that a whore who can't keep his own clothes on would feel entitled to stealing his. He'd loom against his back and watch Stan fuck his own fist right up until he was twitching, nearly there, and then Ford would grab his wrist and tell him to stop because he didn't deserve to come. 

Stan tucked his chin to press closer to the material he was holding to his face and rocked his hips, as much to follow the steady pumping of his fist as to feel the coat shift against his thighs and around where his knees were pressed to the floor. Because he hadn't even managed to make it to the fucking bed once he'd gotten into the room. He'd just stripped in a hurry, leaving his own clothes thrown haphazardly to the side, and yanked on Ford's stupid space coat. 

If he were going for realistic, if Ford wandered upstairs and threw open the bedroom door and found Stan jerking off in the middle of the room, he probably wouldn't do anything at all. He'd get that brief, surprised little look on his face, eyebrows raising over the rim of his glasses and maybe, maybe part his lips just a little bit. 

And then, while Stan was stammering and trying to come up with an excuse or an apology or literally anything worth saying to make this look less like what it was, Ford would reset his expression and cross his arms and say something short like, “Well? Get on with it, then.” He would stand in the doorway, maybe lean there a bit, comfortable as you please, and watch Stan frantically try to finish the job like he was simply overseeing one of his less interesting experiments. 

Stan huffed against the coat and swallowed down a moan as he rubbed against the sensitive spot under the head of his dick. He was so close. And he needed to hurry the fuck up if he didn't actually want Ford to walk in on him. Cause that was all well and good while he was hot and shivering and chasing down an orgasm, but he would probably actually die if he got caught. Or maybe Ford would do him a favor and just kill him on the spot for it? 

Nosing the fold of the coat collar, Stan heard a quiet click in the room before the heater kicked on, thrumming away to keep the stupid cabin at a reasonable temperature for the middle of winter. Because the heat had been turned off, like Ford had suspected, and they'd managed for a few days with Stan chopping wood and putting the shack's little fireplace to use. But that was a miserable chore, and eventually Stan figured, fuck it, and gave the gas company a call. 

Turned out, telling the right sob story with an appropriately pathetic voice could get you an extension and get the heat back on until your genius brother figured out his nerd ass replacement for powering the shack. Stan didn't know what he meant by that, and he hadn't asked, because as long as they had some way of heating the place up, he was happy. 

But he did distinctly remember telling Ford he had gotten the gas turned back on for another couple weeks. The way he made that brief, surprised face and then, for a moment, nothing else at all. Long enough that Stan had rolled his eyes and turned to head back out of the room, because really, what the hell had he expected here? But then Ford had finally cleared his throat and said, awkward, like he'd only just realized he should, “Thank you, Stanley. Good work.” 

Stan shoved a mouthful of Ford's coat between his teeth and bucked jerkily when he came all over his fist, skin tingling and Ford's voice rolling around between his ears. 

“J-Jesus Christ, Stanley,” he panted to himself once he'd stopped whining and could spit out the edge of the coat — didn't taste nearly as good as it smelled. And, he realized with a groan, he'd managed to get jizz all over the sleeve. Fantastic. 

Once he caught his breath, he would get dressed, wipe the coat off as best he could, and put it back. Then he would pray to god that Ford didn't notice anything, wouldn’t see the splotchy attempts at cleaning it or smell Stan on it. And he would never touch the damn thing again. Really.

[thyln4gf]

Masterpiece

✞ You were well aware of his feelings towards you and your body, and he thought that he was aware too... But was he really?

✞ Word count - 1,2k

✞ I have synesthesia! Heres 5 songs that i associate with this fic - "masterpiece" - MIW, "cheers to goodbye" - Escape The Fate, "saviour II" - BVB, "the apparition" - Sleep Token, "killing me slowly" - Bad Wolves.

✞ Warnings - suggestions towards smut, mentions of alcohol consumption.

✞ Carlos Sainz jr. x reader

✞ Note 1 - my requests are open, and waiting to be used. Wink wink. Note 2 - this was done by request. I hope you enjoy<3

Carlos had always sworn that you were his deity of some sorts, this pretty gorgeous thing. And you presented him with the exact same... enthusiasm. Or, well, you tried. Hed always get ahead of you in the terms of charisma one could radiate, all while you were accusing him of cheating in this little game you two had established. Not really his fault though, isnt it? Just like he liked to tell you, anyone worthy of your presence could become the god of confidence - after all, he doesnt really think that anyone could pass on the opportunity of having you. He knew that he didnt.

Your relationship probably wasnt for everyone to understand (not like he wanted them to) - most viewed it as this weird back and forth of rather thirsty sarcasm, and it always reminded everyone of the fact that you both had a little too much confidence. And they have never seen what happens in private, either. It would blow their existences as whole away.

Speaking of which. You could feel what was coming exactly - you were both on your way home from dinner, or more like, he was driving you home. You were tipsy, and he was currently trying to multitask - he wishes that he could just give into you trying to charm your way into his pants already, but he wasnt exactly a passenger, like you were. So imagine - having to keep pushing you away, while also being very eager for something that you were trying to achieve. And, driving. How could he forget that.

By the time he had managed to get you into the apartment, you were all over him. A kiss here, a bite there. A gentle tug over there. He had an idea of what you were trying to do - but in reality, he had no idea of what was coming. And he would be lying if he said that the idea didnt excite him more than anything else in his life.

Carlos thought that youd be willing to speed the whole process up, judging by how desperate you seemed to be in the car. But you... You were taking your sweet time, murmuring the sweet words of praise into his ear. And it felt like a whole new world to him. He had always had half a mind of asking you to take the reins into your hands, but he couldnt. Not when he could see just how much you were enjoying his attention in that specific way.

But here you were, taking charge, like it was something that you were used to. Like it was something that youve done numerous times at this point - it all felt so natural, for both of you. Your fingertips slid across his cheeks, his jawline, his (now exposed) collarbones. They eventually grasped the collar of his shirt with such gentle intensity that he could almost feel himself falling straight onto his knees. But, this did not end here. You were proceeding with unbuttoning his shirt, one button after another. Doing it so ever so slowly. You traced the path of your fingers with the gentle kisses and carried on with the praise - the words almost felt like a prayer to him. Carlos could barely stand straight due to how dizzy he had become in such a short time, grabbing onto your waist to somewhat steady himself. You felt it too - and he figured it out the moment he got pushed into a wall. Holy... Shit...

He opened his mouth to say something else, but he got shut off by the lips that he had grown to love the most - yours. Your kisses always tasted so sweet, and he found himself wondering the same thing each and every time. Am i ever going to get tired of this? Probably not.

Before you both knew it, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, his clothes making a trail to the shared bedroom. You have barely let him touch you, leave alone undress you in any way - besides letting him watch as you slowly peeled your shirt off a bit earlier. His whining can get... persuasive, per se.

While your hands rubbed along his thighs, your lips werent resting either - they were making their way towards the spot that showed his enthusiasm the most. He could feel just how much you appreciated him, and the feeling only got amplified with each and every kiss of yours. Once you finally bit into his thigh, he let out something that reminded you of a moan - if it was let go through ones throat in the form of a hiss. Not exactly used to you interacting with him like that, he was getting quite overwhelmed already.

You were teasing him - your tongue running across the thing, up to the tip, and then straight down again. You were savouring the feel of him, while trying to show him just how amazing he is. Usually, you wouldnt even think about it - his confidence would shy you away from any thoughts of the kind. But the alcohol has been buzzing in your brain for a few now, giving you the extra boost, that extra push you seemed to need. You had always joked that you need a few shots for confidence before getting intimate with him, but never acted upon the words due to them being, well, a mere joke. They seemed to be the truth, though.

And now you both couldnt really be happier.

If he wasnt so overwhelmed already, he surely would have let out a gasp or two - from his point of view, you looked stunning. Your face was prickled with a few tears. Those wet lips that pulled away from him just for long enough to whisper a few words his way. 'Youre so beautiful, baby' - these would probably be his favourite ones so far - and, weirdly enough, just like the ones that he liked to remind you of all the time. He could be mistaken, but it looked like you were trying to return the favour - and he wasnt complaining. After all... as long as he had the pleasure of having you in the sheets, he was yours to do as you please.

The teasing part wasnt over, though. Just as he was starting to inch closer to achieving the high, you pull away. A whine leaves his lips - but, once again, it gets silenced pretty quickly - the sight of you hovering over him manifests faster than his present consciousness can keep up, as you had just pushed him backwards, onto the bed. God. He could survive off of the sight of you alone, it kept him going. It kept him alive. You take his chin with your two fingers, steadying his face. He had never, ever seen you so beautiful. The feeling was mutual for you as well - he was starting to look more and more like a masterpiece, a canvas that you had painted with your own eyes, lips, and fingertips. Something that you wouldnt mind staring at for the rest of your eternity. You cant resist from making a comment about how purple fits him just as much as the colour red - and he cant resist the blush that creeps onto his cheeks. After all, you were his deity.

But now, it was his time to be worshipped and appreciated.

[bambiilooza]

been thinking about banished!poseidon very loudly, im so very ill about it.... thinking about how he was one of the Big Three and now he's been reduced to practically a mortal. maybe im also biased because aeolus is my favorite character in EPIC but i think abt how aeolus would react n stuff. She would probably lose respect for him n stuff, but i also think about. The fact this (in theory) wouldn't have happened- from poseidon's perspective, at least- without Aeolus. It was her wind bag that both let Odysseus pass his storms in Ocean Saga, then let him escape when Poseidon was just about to win. Then, once again, Poseidon had Ody on the brink of death when Aeolus' wind bag let him survive.

Another thought, i like to think that the final nail in the coffin for the decision in-universe of stripping Poseidon of his powers is that his final act with said powers is calling off his storm because of the demands of a mortal. Like, yes, he was brutally tortured by a mortal using HIS OWN WEAPON, but not only that, he submitted to said mortal's demands. I also like to think that in part the reason he isn't stripped of his immortality is because that's, yk, the thing that allowed Odysseus to assert power over him. (this may have been said before tho)

here take a doodle,,

HE LOOKS SO CUTE HERE OMG 🥺 (love ur style!)

and, on your points:

the main reason i have him still be immortal is for it to really feel like a punishment but, your justification also makes sense. so, i'd say it's a mix of both.

and yea, aeolus would loose respect for him because almost all of the gods do. that's the main catalyst for why his status was removed: if a mortal disrespects, so will the gods and he is shameful. this is smth he expresses concern over in the odyssey and that's really what got me thinking. so, yeah, (most) of the gods - and all the Olympians - have lost respect for him.

athena and zeus actually intervene to make the punishment even worse for him than initially. the reason zeus adds to the punishment has nothing to do with odysseus btw. it's a bit more personal.

[thesealantern]

Pink corruption headcannons! (Varying from nonsensical, angsty to silly, most of these are weirdly specific but stick with me okay?)

• Pentellow was completely illiterate for a good chunk of her life, Iris has taught her the basics of reading and writing and while she can read simple texts fairly easily she still struggles with writing. Every time she needs to write anything she has Iris do it for her, she walks around the room like an old military general while she’s dictating. (It helps her think)

• Occasionally, when Iris is particularly upset, frustrated or stressed, he’ll blurt out something his dad told him as a kid. No one ever takes it to heart and half the time it isn’t even something particularly offensive but every time it happens Iris feels terrible and I’m telling you this man sits on his bed staring at his hands like “I am no better than my father”, he can time all instances this has happened and yes they haunt him when he’s falling asleep.

• Anytime Pyrare tries to write a letter to the other caretakers it ends in catastrophe. He refuses to shrink for the task, so either he tried to just write in very small letters and the text is absolutely unreadable, he asks Gold to write it who then proceeds to shorten it and leave stuff out (and has occasionally just changed the contents of letters entirely, mostly when it’s someone he doesn’t like) or there was that one time he just sent Pentellow and Iris a monster sized letter. It was a pain to deal with, they still have it somewhere because Pentellow insisted they keep it.

• Iris has a weird hatred towards a very specific kind of cursive most of the people back at the palace (including his father) used. Anytime he sees it anywhere he just gets super irritated, it’s honestly kind of amusing. Is Iris aware that a grudge against a style of writing is stupid? Yeah, but he doesn’t care.

• Gold and Cyanide like to play chess together sometimes, they’re both fairly good at it and their games are super intense and take a long while. The other heroes all collectively suck at chess (Orange is mediocre, Tsavorite and Cyan are a lost cause) but join in if it’s at Pyrare’s place, though that usually leads to them using the ridiculously sized chess board to make up their own games.

• The first time Gold saw a non-monster shape he was absolutely flabbergasted, he did know of them, but for most of his life he hadn’t seen one (I imagine Pyrare and Gold lived a fairly isolated life for the most part) and Pyrare never made it sound like a big deal so he just kinda thought they’d be a bit shorter. The fact they had two eyes was also kind of weird, sure he has two eyes but he just thought that was a hero thing.

• Seeing the inside of a shape-sized house was even more baffling, Gold still hasn’t gotten over how tiny some things are.

•Every time they spend a long time in shape populated area Pyrare is just STARVING, there’s no way any of the inns they stayed at have portions close to what an adult monster needs. He never complains about it though. Honestly I think he would just pass out at one point, the lack of food mixed with so much travelling is bound to catch up to him.

• Kind of random but monsters probably have a much slower heartbeat than shapes. Since most large animals have larger hearts but they pump at a slower pace, I’m pretty sure it has to do with temperature regulation but idk man I’m no biologist.

[firewolf111]

I hope you’re having a good day! Might I request some good old-fashioned Prinxiety? Potentially a confession? I’ve been thinking of them since the new Asides dropped!

Sorry for such a late response. My motivation really tanked. But I finally got to it. (Hope you still remember this request)

Thank you so much for the request! Hope you enjoy! <3

........................

Roman: Virgil! I need you to listen to this!

Virgil: Listen to what?

Roman: I made a song for each of the sides. Here, I'll send you yours. *getting in his phone* And there! I just sent you it.

Virgil: *shrugging and putting on his headphones before pressing play*

It plays for only a minute before he is pausing it and looking up at Roman in confusion.

Virgil: Roman....this is a love song?

Roman: What?

Virgil: This song is a love song.

Roman: Oh....really? Shoot. I...uh...gave you the wrong one. I... I'm sorry.

Virgil: It's whatever. So, who was this song for?

Roman: ...

Virgil: I won't tell. Promise. And I won't judge either. I'm just curious.

Roman: How much of the song did you listen to?

Virgil: About a minute. Why?

Roman: Did you... actually listen to the lyrics?

Virgil: Yeah. It was you singing about how much you love him. One of the lines was about you loving him despite the fact that you think his love of spiders is weird and some other thi- wait. Wait. Hold up. *his eyes widen in realization*

Roman: *laughing* Was it not obvious? Virge. The song title is literally "Lovesong for Virgil" because I never got around to naming it.

Virgil: *looking at his phone* Okay. Listen. In my defense, I wasn't expecting it to be a love song.

Roman: *looking away and rubbing the back of his neck* Neither was I. I meant it when I said I gave you the wrong song. I..uh. *clears throat* Yeah...

Virgil: So I'm not the only idiot who didn't read the song title?

Roman: To be fair, I named each song after the side I wrote it for so I could tell them apart more easily. I just... had two... written for you....

Virgil: Huh. Okay. Um... cool. Do you... want to send me the other one?

Roman: Nope. I'd rather go curl up in my room and let a hydra eat me than acknowledge that this just happened. *starts walking away*

Virgil: *mumbling* Well, now you're starting to sound like me.

Virgil: *calling out* Roman wait! The answer is yes.

Roman: *pausing and glancing back confused* What?

Virgil: *shrugging* Last line of the first verse. *Goes back on his phone*

Roman goes back to his room confused. He sits on his bed, both anxious about the fact that Virgil knows and confused by what he meant. "The answer is yes?" What does that mean? Last line of the first verse. Roman roots through his drawer to find where he wrote down the lyrics since he can't remember what that line is despite being the one to write it. Ask any Disney song and he could loet any line, but the one song he needed to remember, that he wrote, he couldn't. He eventually finds the paper and skims it to find the line. He reads it. Then rereads it. The answer is yes. The answer is yes!

"If I were to confess, would you be mine?"

The answer was yes!

.......................... (dramatic time skip)

A few minutes later has him pounding on Virgil's door.

Roman: Seriously! Did you just go to your room to spite me? You were in the living room five minutes ago!

Virgil: *cackling from the other side of the door*

Roman: Really? You can't just say that and then hide. Come on! *whining* That's not fair.

Virgil: *Cackling louder*

Roman: Virgil!

Patton: *passing by before glancing between Roman and the door* Is something.... wrong?

Roman: Virgil is being a jerk.

Virgil: *opening his door with a wide grin* Roman is just mad because he owes me dinner

Roman: What? No, I don't!

Virgil: And I believe a song as well.

Roman: I... you are impossible to understand, you emo nightmare.

Virgil: Oh, you know you love me.

Roman: *spluttering* Well... you- you're such a.... *huffs* Whatever. Jerk.

Virgil: *smirking and crossing his arms* Prick.

Patton: *glancing between them confused* .... have fun?

[schrijverr]

I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 16

Chapter 16 out of 50

Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

In this chapter, Maddie gets convinced to stay by Buck. The two of them reconcile and share pieces of themselves the other has missed out on. Though they still keep things to themselves too.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie (slow burn)

Warnings: referenced domestic violence, emotionally abusive parents mention, misogyny mention, homophobia mention

~~~

Chapter 16: Abuela’s Roommate

When Buck comes home after speaking to Maddie at Abuela’s house, he feels emotionally drained and exhausted. He missed Chris’s bed time and he mourns that fact now, though he’s also glad he just gets to drop on the couch next to Eddie with a groan.

Eddie frowns in concern. He knows Buck is happy to have Maddie back again, could see it waft off him the whole shift. Had Chris slipping up really put such a dent in his mood? Was he embarrassed about admitting everything to his sister? Did she say something about it to Buck that she didn’t to him? What happened?

He quickly stuffs all those feelings down, poking Buck in the side as he gruffly asks: “What’s up with you?”

“I think Maddie is homophobic about our non-gay gay marriage,” Buck says, voice muffled by the pillow.

“What?”

Buck un-buries his face slightly and repeats: “I think Maddie is homophobic about our non-gay gay marriage.”

“Are you sure? She seemed pretty okay with it when I spoke to her. She was nice,” Eddie frowns.

“She didn’t talk about any of it. She didn’t even mention Chris. Like at all! It’s as if she was not saying anything on purpose,” Buck says. “And of course she’s nice. Your family is hosting her.”

Eddie’s frown deepens. “She really didn’t mention Chris? That’s weird. She told me we have an adorable son and that he loves his two dads. When I told her no one knew, she seemed understanding and nice.”

“Wait,” Buck comes out of his hiding place on the couch. “What did you say. Like exactly? Word for word?”

“Uh, she thanked me, then said that Abuela was nice and that we have an adorable son, though I suppose the you can be just me. That he loves his two dads,” Eddie repeats. “I panicked a bit, so she said my name and then I told her she can’t tell anyone to which she said that she wouldn’t.”

“Okay, but my name was never mentioned? And you didn’t say what she can’t tell anyone?” he asks for clarification, a small hope bubbling up in his chest. He always wants to believe the best of people, especially Maddie.

“You think she didn’t realize the other dad is you?” Eddie says, picking up what he’s putting down.

“Maybe,” Buck shrugs.

“That’s good then, right? You didn’t want to tell her yet anyway.”

“Yeah, but what if I’m wrong?”

“Do you think you’re wrong?”

“I mean, no, but I don’t know,” Buck sighs, rubbing his face. “I haven’t seen her in years, Eddie. I love her, but I don’t know her anymore. And she doesn’t know me…”

They’re quiet for a moment and Eddie has a thoughtful expression on his face. Buck gives him time to think it all over. In the end, Eddie just asks: “So what do you want to do?”

“Huh?”

“She’s your sister. What do you want to do?”

Now it’s Buck turn to think about it. When it came down to Helena and Ramon, he always let Eddie make the final call. Same when they moved here and it came to Abuela and tía Pepa, he’d been prepared to never be introduced to them should Eddie want. With Maddie it’s his family and his call. That still feels weird. Having family here.

But it’s a good weird, the kind of weird he wants to get used to until it’s normal. Maddie says she’s just passing through, but Buck wants her to stay. He’d do anything to get her to stay.

And despite saying he doesn’t know her, he does. He knows she is one of the kindest people he has ever known, that she has always been in his corner, even when it would have been better for her not to be. She’s as protective as they come. If she thought he was married, she’d corner him and question him until she was satisfied.

It’s most likely scenario. The reality he wants to believe in. However, he selfishly also doesn’t want to risk finding out he’s wrong. Not yet.

“I say we let it be,” he finally decides. The coward’s way out. “If she doesn’t know already, she’ll find out eventually and if she already knows, she knows not to talk now. Let’s not confirm or deny until we know what she’s going to do.”

He holds his breath waiting what Eddie thinks of his decision. If he’ll judge Buck for not wanting to make sure, for giving her space, even if he might be wrong. But Eddie just says: “Okay,” easily. “Are we going to tell Chris not to talk?”

“Nah, he already has and I don’t want to teach him to be ashamed of us. Even if we aren’t actually gay, we’re still two men raising him,” Buck says.

“Agreed,” Eddie nods.

Then Buck realizes something and he says: “If it is the misunderstanding we think it is, you realize that Maddie thinks that you’re gay, right?”

“It’s not the first time someone’s assumed that,” Eddie replies, rolling his eyes. It’s something he’s gotten used to. The army knowing he is married to a man hardened him a little to the assumptions and after the so manieth comment, he stopped bothering to correct people. They’ll think what they want, Eddie knows better. He’s not gay, so it’s not true what they think anyway.

Buck studies him for a moment, just to be sure. He himself is actually gay – well, bi – but Eddie isn’t and he’s from a macho culture. Ramon at least seems to think even being non-gayly married to a man is affront to not only Eddie’s, but Ramon’s masculinity as well.

However, Eddie truly doesn’t seem to care. It makes Buck feel a little warm and fuzzy inside, knowing that Eddie will have his back.

With that confirmed and cleared up, he goes back to the logistics. When Eddie took the job at the 118 neither of them could have predicted the kind of web they would be caught up in, but it’s a little too late to back out now.

Out loud Buck muses: “It might be easier if I don’t drive Chris to and from Abuela while Maddie is staying there.” It’ll put that chore on Eddie, so he checks: “Is that okay?”

“Course,” Eddie smiles.

Buck doesn’t know what he did to deserve Eddie. Eddie, who trusts him with his son, who lets him fit into his life however he can at the time. Eddie, who doesn’t care if Buck is being weird about telling his sister about their not-gay gay marriage. Who wants Chris to not be homophobic, even if he really has no stakes in it. Who doesn’t care if people assume things about him even if it would be easier for him if they didn’t.

He’d say he could kiss Eddie, but that’s not an uncommon feeling. However, it’s more on the foreground than it usually is, watching Eddie comfortably sprawled over on the couch, talking with him about raising Chris and the shape of their family.

God, some days Buck wants this to be permanent, wants to be real so bad. He knows he’s greedy, but he can’t help but want more. Want to be able to lean in and kiss Eddie. It doesn’t even have to be a full blown make out session that can lead to more, he wants the domesticity of a simple kiss as thanks just as badly. Sometimes more badly, even. He wants to share his life with Eddie in every way, wants to wear a ring on his finger and have it mean something other than convenience. Wants it to mean being wanted, never being left.

But dwelling on those things is never good. The more he lets himself dwell, the deeper he’ll fall and the harder it’ll be to ignore. He needs to prevent falling in too deep, so he can keep holding on.

“Wanna watch the next episode of that telenovella we started?” he asks to deflect.

Which might not be the smartest move, since Eddie loves them and Buck only gets invested, because Eddie is and now Eddie is sending him a beaming grin, before excitedly grabbing the remote. It’s adorable as fuck and Buck wants to scream into a pillow.

Fortunately, Buck is well versed in acting normal around Eddie when he secretly wants to squish his cheeks, maybe gnaw on his arm a little to get it all out. So, Eddie doesn’t notice.

Once the TV is on, the excitement of today catches up with Buck and he watches the show through half lidded eyes. Mostly following due to Eddie’s reactions and rants. It’s nice. Soothing. He falls asleep right there without his permission.

Some undesignated time later, Eddie is waking him up. Softly shaking his arm as he whispers: “Buck. Buck, you gotta wake up. If you sleep here, you’ll have a crick in the neck.”

“Hngn, couch is comfy,” he murmurs, burrowing his head into the back of the couch again to hide away from the shaking.

Eddie lets out an amused huff, before shaking him again: “Come on, you ass. Don’t make me drag you to the bathroom and force a toothbrush in your mouth.”

“But if I brush my teeth, I’ll have to be awake again,” Buck protests with a pout.

“And if you don’t brush your teeth, you’ll get cavities and I will take the money to fix that out of your little treat budget,” Eddie threatens, using the knowledge Buck shared against him.

“Ugh, you’re so mean,” Buck complains as he drags himself off the couch, glaring at a smug looking Eddie as he follows him to the bathroom so they can brush their teeth side by side.

In the end, he’s a little glad to have been woken up for this. Somehow brushing his teeth next to Eddie is one of his favorite things. It’s silly, he knows, but there is something so intimate and domestic about it and it sends a pleasant flutter through his stomach every time.

With their teeth brushed, they bid each other goodnight, before parting ways to climb into their respective beds. As predicted, Buck is awake again now and he spends the whole night tossing and turning, reconsidering his choice, then arguing himself into it again.

So he’s a little groggy when a small weight launches itself onto the bed, despite usually being a morning person. He groans: “Morning, Chris.”

“Good morning, papi,” Chris grins way too brightly for the early hour. Ugh, childhood chipperness, if he is anything like Eddie, he’ll grow out of it come teenagehood. But for now, Chris is here, pulling at his arm, while Buck tries to burrow deeper into his pillow. “Can you make pancakes?”

“Go ask daddy, he’s on breakfast duty,” Buck tells him, already sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, knowing what will come next.

“But daddy can’t make pancakes,” Chris whines as expected.

“And it’s a school day. You know we said no pancakes on school days,” Buck reminds him.

“It’s a stupid rule and you break it all the time,” Chris protests. And he’s right too. Buck is a weak man and he knows he works on weekends from time to time, so he makes them on school days too, because then he has time. So, it is technically a rule, but not an enforced one.

“Alright, alright, I’ll make pancakes,” he caves, because of course he does. “Go wake daddy.” Even if Eddie is gonna go back to sleep after breakfast, he’d want to kiss Chris good day.

“Okay,” Chris says brightly, before climbing out of Buck’s bed to go barge into Eddie’s room.

Buck watches him go with a smile, before getting out of bed and pulling on the clothes he finds first on the chair of limbo. Since he is in uniform for work often, he doesn’t wear his clothes long enough for them to get laundry dirty, so they live on the chair until he has a day off again. He always gets clothes that go with all his other clothes, so he can just pull on whatever.

When he’s dressed, he goes to the kitchen. Chris is already there, he had heard banging on Eddie’s door, but it seems Chris didn’t go in, too excited about pancakes to properly wake Eddie when he can go in the kitchen to talk Buck into making chocolate chip pancakes.

He is about to pour the first of the batter in the pan when Eddie comes stumbling in, still in his pajamas and his hair a mess. Chris gives him a big smile as he informs him: “Papi’s making pancakes.”

“Yes,” Eddie cheers, lighting up and waking up more at the news. The love for pancakes is something the two Diaz’s share and it’s adorable.

Still, Buck sends him a deadpan look, making Eddie rub the back of head sheepishly. Then Buck grins and shakes his head fondly. “Good morning. There’s coffee in the pot.”

“You’re the best,” Eddie tells him, pouring the coffee and gratefully cradling the warm mug. Noting that Buck is dressed, he asks: “You driving Chris to school?”

“Yeah, gonna swing by Abuela after, see how Maddie is,” Buck answers.

Eddie gives him an understanding nod, but they don’t continue on about the topic, instead turning to Chris and asking what is he going to do at school today.

Breakfast is a pleasant affair and after Eddie gives Chris a kiss on the head, wishing him a good day, before returning to bed, like Buck had predicted. Buck himself does as he said, driving Chris to school, before going to Abuela’s house.

Abuela opens with a smile and hugs him. After they’ve said their hellos, she tells him he has a lovely sister, which is both nice to hear because he wants Maddie to be liked and Abuela probably wouldn’t like her if she’d said anything homophobic.

He doesn’t know that both have been avoiding the husband topic out of politeness. Abuela still isn’t sure if she can say and Maddie thinks that while Abuela knows, her generation means that she prefers not to mention it. So they exist in a limbo outside of it, having bonded over different topics instead.

Maddie is out in the back garden and Abuela gives the two some privacy to catch up. So, he joins her with some tea, handing a cup to her too as he says: “Looks like you two are getting along. She might just adopt you and not let you leave.”

“I’m probably not going to stick around long enough for that to happen,” Maddie replies, smiling to look disarming, as if she is joking, but there is a tightness to that smile and a tension to her posture that sets Buck’s teeth on edge.

She is trying to hide, trying to run. Before Buck let her and he regrets it so much. He can’t let her do it again. He won’t. So he says: “Why not? Maddie, what really happened with Doug? Why are you running away from him?”

“No,” she’s shaking her head, almost moving as if to leave. “I’m not gonna bring my little brother into this.”

And he already kind of knew, but this only confirms it. It also only solidifies his resolve to keep her close. “Standing in between you and anyone who thinks they can hurt you is exactly where I want to be standing. Maddie,” his voice turns from fierce to almost pleading, “are you in some kind of danger?”

Apparently almost a decade of no face to face contact has not hardened her to his pleading eyes, because she sags back in her chair and sighs: “The stuff that mom and dad hated about him, that you picked up on even as a teenager, it all got worse. Much worse over the last year or so.”

She swallows thickly, tears gathering in her eyes. Buck wants to comfort her, but doesn’t dare breathe or move for fear that she’ll stop finally telling him what’s been happening.

“When I threatened to leave, he threatened to kill me.” Her voice breaks properly now, the mask of strength chipped away to nothing. “And he meant it.”

Fucking hell.

Buck wants to get on the first plane to Pennsylvania and give Doug a piece of mind. Preferably with his fists. But Buck knows he’s not a fighter and that will end badly, not to mention that it’s not what Maddie needs right now. And what Maddie needs is far more important than anything Buck wants to do to Doug. So, he just holds out his hand, waiting for her to grab it, before he squeezes softly in support.

The gesture earns him a watery smile, before Maddie continues: “You know, when women in abusive relationships used to come into the hospital, I got to be honest, I would pass judgment. Like, why don’t you just leave him? Now I get it. It’s like you can’t even believe it’s happening.”

“But you broke free,” he reminds her, finally speaking. “And I’m proud of you.” Because he is and she needs to know that, but she also needs to know that she doesn’t have to be alone, so he tells her that too.

Looking at her face, she isn’t entirely convinced. She looks as if she wants to believe him, but can’t imagine that such a thing is true.

It breaks Buck’s heart and he is quick to suggest. “You should stay. Here. With Abuela and me and the 118, alright? Abuela loves you and otherwise I have room, I promise you can always ask. You’ll get my room, I’ll take the couch. All the privacy you want. And if Doug comes looking, then- then I know a lot of cops.”

At that Maddie gives him a small smile, eyes hopeful, and that is all Buck can ask for, especially when those eyes turn determined. “He won’t,” she says. “He doesn’t know you live here. He doesn’t know what you do. It’s a real benefit to being married to someone who doesn’t ask any questions.”

It’s a weak attempt at lightheartedness, but Buck doesn’t challenge it, instead matching her smile. He has permission to cling to her now. “Okay, that’s perfect. You can start over. I can help you. I can help get you a great nursing job at one of the hospitals.”

“No.” The answer surprises him and he’s sure his whole body pauses. Maddie explains: “I really miss helping people, but I can’t do that job every day, looking over my shoulder, wondering who’s walking through the front door.”

“Okay,” Buck nods thoughtfully, mind whirring. “So you want to help people, but not deal with them face to face.” He is neck deep in the helping people business – in all facets of that job – so he should come up with something. It hits him. “Yeah,” he grins. “I think I might have an idea.”

Maddie gives him a skeptical look, much like when she still lived at home and Buck had another idea for an afternoon activity that ‘will totally be so fun. Maddie, please, come on.’

“9-1-1 dispatcher,” Buck reveals proudly, a little smug when Maddie skepticism gets replaced by surprised delight.

“9-1-1 dispatcher,” she repeats, sounding it out and testing it on her tongue. “That sounds… interesting.”

“It is, they’re integral to the entire first responder system,” Buck says excitedly. “I interact with them every day. They make sure everything keeps running and keep people calm until we get there, they help them through the emergency before we can reach them. You’d be great at it.”

He is so excited about the idea and Maddie’s heart melts a little. She has missed Evan. Missed her little brother.

All these years she missed him, worried about him, clung to every card she got, hoping they’d never stop, because they were the only thing holding her together. Actually seeing them is the equivalent to the temporary studs being replaced by structural repairs.

She has always been his protector, but he’s always been her comforter. When she was fighting with her parents, he’d cuddle up with her, and when she was angry with Doug as a teen, he was there to try and cheer her up.

Evan has always been a helper. He’d stand next to her in the kitchen, watching her make a sandwich with big eyes and handing her the peanut butter jar. He’d tell their parents Maddie stayed with him after a nightmare, when she’d snuck out with friends. He’d given her an offer to get out, before it got worse than it ended up being and kept reaching out, even when she didn’t come with him.

And here he is, years later, still reaching out, still covering for her to her parents, still handing her what she needs. She loves him for it. She loves him so much.

The love she feels for him bubbles up in her and she pulls him into a big hug as she fiercely whispers: “Thank you so much. Thank you, Evan.”

“Of course,” he whispers back, holding her back equally tightly and equally fierce. And for as long as she needs him to.

When she lets go, she clears her throat. Even after everything she just told him, she wants to be strong and not cry on him. So, she says: “So. Uhm, what’s the Buck all about?”

“Oh, well,” Evan blushes, “it’s a nickname. There were a lot of Evan’s in my class at the fire academy. It kinda stuck,” he explains, then softly he adds: “I like it.”

It’s quiet and vulnerable, despite being so simple. She remembers Evan being yelled in the house, loaded with the heavy disappoint of not being someone else. How he has always shrank away from it, unless it was her saying it. Being Buck instead of Evan looks good on him, she wishes she could have been there to see him grow into himself, but she guesses she just has to learn to live with the ache of finding out about all the things she missed out on when she let him walk away.

Her smile is probably a little watery, but her voice is strong as she says: “I like it too. Buck.” And the blinding grin she gets in reply is worth everything she missed out on, because he is here now in front of her. Happy. Happy looks so good on him too. It hurts that it’s an unfamiliar expression on his familiar face.

They continue to catch up in Abuela’s back garden. She learns a lot about the people she met yesterday, surprised when Buck mentions Eddie started recently, with how easily he offered his grandmother’s house, she assumed he must have known them all for a while already now.

It’s also clear to her that her little brother is a little enamored with the man. He hasn’t mentioned anything about his sexuality to her. Another thing she missed out on.

She is already planning for the inevitable heartbreak when Eddie feels comfortable enough sharing that he has a husband. A husband who isn’t Buck. She hopes chocolate ice cream is still his favorite, that that hasn’t changed in all these years. That she still knows pieces of him.

Besides that, she gets some extra information on Chimney, the cute firefighter from the station she saw briefly. It’s not that she is going to do anything, she isn’t even sure she’s going to see more of Buck’s coworkers (other than Eddie, of course), but she wants to know anyway. So she has a better picture to fantasize.

Maddie has gotten really good at fantasizing to cope and Chimney is definitely someone she wants to fantasize about. He sounds like a good guy. She can use a good guy.

By the time Buck leaves, he feels less like a stranger she used to know and more like her baby brother. Plus, she has a job and a ride for her first day. Maddie has stopped having hope or being optimistic years ago, but something about Buck makes her want to try again. The smile doesn’t leave her face the whole day.

~~

A/N:

If I think about the Buckley siblings for too long, I go insane, istg.

Also their little lie getting out of control is so iconic to me, I love writing stories where one small thing gets out of hand and them not just ripping the band aid with Maddie now, is the beginning of the end xp

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s5 episode 1 thoughts

bouncing. bouncing up and down. off of the walls. this episode was SO good. thank you. everyone say thank you, chris carter. thank you for fainting scully, tomato lover scully, doctor scully, crying mulder, plotting mulder, breaking and entering mulder, and for skinner in general.

but back to who i was before yesterday... allow us to return to past juni.

it’s been 800 years… (and by that i mean a week and 2 days have passed since i last watched an episode)

we left off in a pretty… precarious position. so i’m interested to see where things go from here. and hopefully they will be less stressful.

but i’m so happy to be back! i swear once i finish this show i’ll have to quit my job. there will be nothing to get me through LMAO.

it sounds like mulder is going to do some breaking and entering… again, fork spotted in kitchen

how the HELL did he fake his own death… this is giving sherlock!!

god, hearing her voice trembling again as she talks about identifying his body… i did not need to relive this pain!!

so we go back to him crying and watching alien stuff on his couch the night before her big meeting

“an act of faith began with an ineloquent certainty that my journey promised the chance not just of understanding, but of recovery” <- oh… so he admits to the whole thing being about healing…

and he says that he hoped finding the truth would reunite him with his sister, which i KNOW he was thinking all along, but hearing him SAY IT is still devastating; the way he never actually said it aloud before was very impactful, and so is his decision to break that vow of silence

“a belief which i now know to be false and uninformed in the extreme” <- NOOO please do not give up my king… i do not entirely believe this kritshcgau fool

he’s sobbing. he's so pretty when he sobs even if it is sad.

“my folly revealed by facts which illuminate both my arrogance and self-deception” <- oh no… i wanted him to Realize he was being Like That... but not in this way…

so he picks up the gun, saying it would be easier to end this journey if the pain had just been his own… and oh my god......

but then the phone rings… and it’s kritshcgau? he’s trying to explain that he might have been followed after leaving his apartment, but mulder does not give a FUCK LMAO

he wants to know who this man is and if they really gave scully cancer because of him. understandable.

he’s looking around for bugs in his room as he is warned of what’s going on…. and he finds one on the ceiling!! and not the insect kind, the camera kind!!!

mulder finds someone upstairs watching him on camera and burning stuff, but then this mystery guy picks up his shotgun and shoots mulder??? maybe?? it’s hard to tell??? strategic cutoff??

(i assume it’s shotgun guy from before, but frankly i don’t remember what his face looked like, so. listen! a lot can happen in a week and two days)

ah, it feels so nice to be watching the intro again. nature is healing… and by nature i mean me.

scully gets home at midnight, checking her voicemail… she starts to get undressed for bed

“keep going, FBI woman” <- WHAT THE FUCK. 

IT’S MULDER??? she’s soooo GAGGED LMAOOO THE LOOK ON HER FACE???? i’m howling 

MULDER BABY YOU CANNOT JUST SAY THAT WHEN YOU BREAK INTO SOMEONE'S HOUSE. BAD BOY (sprays with water) (sprays with water) (sprays with-

“mulder? what are you doing? why are you sitting in my bedroom in the dark?” <- a VERY reasonable question!!!!

he says there’s a dead guy in his apartment. she’s had ENOUGH of his shenanigans, and he clarifies that he is NOT joking

he had been under surveillance for at least 2 months!!!!! that is freaky omggg… god only knows what they saw him doing

he says that he can’t talk to anyone at the bureau because this whole hoax leads back to the FBI!!!

HOLD ON PAUSE. WHY THE FUCK DOES SCULLY HAVE A POSTER OF DIFFERENT TOMATOES ON HER APARTMENT WALL. HOLD ON I’M FUCKING CRYING. STOP. THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY. oh my gooood. 

she saw a poster of tomatoes and said you know what? this would look FANTASTIC in my apartment. 

god, scully, you truly are the best character of all time. i had no idea you felt so strongly about the humble tomato. 

i cannot complain about anything else that happens in this episode, i’m out of breath from laughing. oh my god. this is gonna get me through so much. tomorrow i’m gonna go to work and a customer is gonna yell at me and i’m just gonna smile thinking about scully’s tomato poster.

i don’t even really remember what was happening. 

okay, right, so the guy whose apartment was above mulder’s, he was destroying records of himself calling the FBI. so who in the FBI was he calling?? and must it be the one who is behind all of this??

“i will not allow this treason to prosper- not if they’ve done this to you” he says <- OKAYYYY!!! protective man is in his protective mode 🔥 you truly do LOVE to see it. it’s almost as good as scully in doctor more but let’s be honest, nothing can ever beat that.

ohhh, he says they can lie back to them!!!! sneaky sneaky man... your fox-like nature is showing

so it was HIS IDEA to have her come and make the ID on his "body" even though it was false!!??

so she was ACTING in that meeting??? WAS SCULLY A THEATRE KID?? because she sold that for real!!!!

he’s going on about how he’s asking her to lie so they can find out who this enemy from within is….

scully runs into skinner after identifying the body, who asks if it’s true that mulder is really dead, and she lies, saying yes. he wants to know if she’s okay, and she pulls the “i don’t know what to say” card, which is entirely understandable.

he asks how she made the ID if he died from a shot to the head, so she says she saw him earlier that morning and he was wearing the same clothes. and there’s a look skinner has into the distance as he tries to determine how and why they would have seen each other before 6:30 am. like you could see the gears turning in his head as if he was saying omg, so they WERE together this whole time. it’s comical, in a way. 

which also leads me to wonder, well i’m no expert in these things, but if you know someone long enough, wouldn’t you recognize them even sans face? by body alone? 

he says he’s very sorry. and when she tries to leave he very sternly calls out “agent scully >:| section chief blah blah blah thinks you’re hiding stuff” (paraphrased obviously)

skinner looks SOOO suspicious of whatever she's plotting lmaooo. and he is right to be!

meanwhile, a very alive mulder is going to the department of defense to scout some advanced research using the dead guy’s ID!! ooooo high stakes, high stakes!!!! he's narrating that if they’re busted, they’re done for good!!

now scully is in the office with the section chief. and he’s talking about someone from the DOD giving her classified information. 

they ask her for information and she’s clearly hiding stuff…. but she identifies kritshcgau!!! omg i didn't think she was going to!!

uh oh… kritshcgau sees mulder in the DOD!! “hey! how’d you get in here?” “through the front door” <- lmao he can never be serious!!

kritshcgau tells mulder to come with him… is this a trap??? 

he’s gagged because that card gives mulder LEVEL FOUR CLEARANCE which i take is a BIG DEAL

yes, it is, because it would give him access to EVERYTHING!! even the thing he wants most of all… the cure for scully’s cancer!! you can see the tears forming in his eyes at the thought… oh man. ohhh mulder…

cancer man has burst into mulder’s apartment… now what are you doing here, you freak???

OHHHH he finds a photo of mulder and samantha on his desk when they were kids... ohhhh... my heart 😭😭😭😭😭

(there’s also some art on the wall of mulder's apartment that i can’t make the details out on. one piece seems to be some sort of pastoral scene with a sheep in it? and the other seems to be abstract. does anyone know what they are? i mean, it’s no tomato poster. but still)

CSM is actually crying seeing this photo and the blood he presumes to be mulder's on the carpet, and i don’t know if he feels genuine sadness or is just heartbroken his decades long alien colonization plan has been thwarted. honestly i do think he’s sad about mulder. he seemed to be in love with both mr. and mrs. mulder tbh, and that can do things to a guy. 

he finds the secret ceiling camera...

scully is in mulder’s office now, calling someone. she pulls out the phone number shotgun guy had been calling!! holly answers it and says she is so sorry to hear about what happened to mulder…. but scully has no time to talk about these things

who is this holly? how does she know scully? are they friends? i need the backstory.

scully… you are so beautiful…. holding this paper and calling holly on the phone, telling her when the calls were placed so she can track down who shotgun man called a million times…..

OH GOD!!! IT’S SKINNER’S EXTENSION!!!

scully looks devastated by this… but just as she begins to process it all, the scientist calls her back about the ice!! she has so much on her mind, please do not make her come look at some damn ice 😭

now, i do not believe that skinner is really behind all this. if he is involved at all, it is because he made that deal with CSM to try and save her... and maybe he was tricked, but he did NOT do it willingly!

kritshcgau and mulder are talking about level four, which apparently a place and not just a classification, and is home to medical facilities!! and vast quantities of DNA storage!! from every person who has ever given blood or tissue since ww2!!! 

damn that’s crazy. how tf would you even store all that?? it’s gotta be a warehouse.

he’s saying this is the hoax into which mulder was drawn…. the US fanned the flames of UFO stories to draw attention away from the whole “mutually assured destruction” thing, which, well, not sure how well that worked out 

OPPENHEIMER MENTIONED‼️him and that damn hat…

(actually still haven’t seen that movie btw. sorry i guess. idk. i’m busy)

KHRUSHCHEV APPEARS ‼️i love to see a familiar face from my textbooks in my TV programs. it's like a crossover event.

kritshcgau says the business of america isn’t business at all, it’s war. well yeah. that is true. and the cold war was an excuse to keep spending military money with no war. which i guess that sort of maybe tracks??

writing off korea and vietnam as just countries squaring off “a few times” is kinda crazy, but his point is: no one used the big bomb.

mulder asks what we are all thinking: what does this have to do with UFOs?

well, let kritshcgau tell you, son. after roswell, the more the government denied about UFOs, the more the public believed them, which was great timing for a country developing supersonic flight

oooo, he claims they almost got caught in korea, as they were accused of using germ warfare. but it’s nothing like what they have now, like what was used for the gulf war, developed in this very building! (said with a very dramatic flourish)

this is a lot of world building at a breakneck pace, and i don’t even know if i’m supposed to believe any of it. maybe some secret top percentage of the government thinks this is true, and the tiny syndicate knows it actually isn’t. that’s my best guess.

the abductions actually did happen, he clarifies, but not by aliens. hmm. a top secret project. well without aliens what's the point?

kritshcgau says it’s about DNA control. but for what purpose???

mulder asks, why make a whole fake alien body for all this then? and kritshcgau says because scully wouldn’t have been alive to disprove the alien body if their timing had been correct!!! so he would have believed it, then they could discredit him!

kritshcgau also says his son coming back sick from the gulf war is his retribution for going along with all of this, and he's thinking there’s a cure for him somewhere in there. well i think the whole gulf war disease and advanced cancer are very different. but maybe they both have secret cures?

off mulder goes, into level 4, taking one last look at kritshcgau, who is immediately apprehended by the DOD for questioning!!!! i feel that this will be the last we see of him.

cutscene to someone racing a horse?? is it bestie well groomed man?? and his many horses??

no!! it’s the department chair guy meeting with CSM!!! CSM is pissed that he didn’t know someone was watching mulder, but the chairman denies it.

he is even MORE pissed about being cut out of this project; “i CREATED mulder” <- okay so that is not putting out the “CSM is actually his father” allegations

chair guy says that mulder is dead

OHHH BUT CSM SAYS “i’ve never underestimated mulder. i still don’t” <- DAMN!!! that’s absolutely wild… i guess it’s important to know your opponent, and how willing they would be to fake their death, and if they could pull it off or not

(CSM angrily leaves)

back to scully at the ice core guy’s lab. and again, oh my god, she’s beautiful. no no no i don’t want to hear about fetal bovine serum. what the hell does that even mean. go back to her beautiful face.

he put the junk from the ice core in the serum... the cells were dividing… into somatic development?? the beginning of a life form. she looks shocked by this, but again. idk what that means!

bleugh, the ice core sample creature... it looks ugly…….

mulder’s snooping about the level 4 area, but the DOD people are behind him, and none of the doors have opened!!! he says that if they find the cure, it will mean for sure that he has believed in a lie from the start. well, i don’t think that’s true necessarily. i mean, the abduction thing could be from an alien-government collaboration, or aliens could still be out there, just not involved with this one thing, you know?

he picks a lock (okay!! crazy skyrim reference) and finds himself in a very dark room. and i am attracted to him. don't worry about it. anyway, whatever he sees seems to shock him???

cut to a TON of CGI aliens on cots LMAO WHAT???? just laying out n about 😭 it had to smell so bad in there… i imagine aliens smell very bad

now this alien closest to him has been lovingly crafted with practical effects, which is much better. so we can see his slime. that is not the part that is better, the slime visibility; its just that practical effects look more visually convincing in such a case

scully is narrating that she had no way to reach him and talk about their discovery of an unidentified life form. which is what happens when you fake your death and go in the secret medical facility of doom.

why is he TOUCHING the nasty alien body???? EUGH!!!!!!

scully is pondering if this thing she found in the serum could be the proof of an alien or the proof of a hoax… a lot of big questions for her to handle here 

he sees some flashing lights deep in the secret corridor, and follows it…. a whole lot of strobe light action going on in here. that stuff doesn't even bother me and i was like damn, that was a lot. i imagine it was much worse for the people who already have issues with bright lights.

she says that maybe this thing in the ice core sample is biologically connected to her cancer?? 

how does this connect to all of those half-alien, half-human people they found back in arizona??!!

beautiful man is looking through the window… 

OH MY GOD HE SEES A BUNCH OF WOMEN BEING SCANNED????? WITH BRIGHT FLASHING LIGHTS?? oh man.... WHAT IS GOING ON???? what are they DOING??

what did they call it before?? inducing mega ovulation?? yikes.

BLEUGH. i paused here as scully was getting blood drawn. i am woozy. how do they fake that for filming??

she needs a southern blot, btw. if that means anything to you. to compare that culture to her own DNA.

belaughhh. she needs the match before 7. he says we can’t do that.

“it’s got to happen. everything in my life depends on it” <- YOU TELL HIM!!!

he has no idea wtf that means but is taken aback by her seriousness

NOW WHY IS SKINNER WATCHING THIS????

OHHH SHE GOES OUT AND CONFRONTS HIM!! “is this more dirty work you’re doing for the DOD??” <- OHHHHH she is NOT HOLDING BACK

he says he has the tests from the body they found in mulder’s apartment on his desk; he knows it isn't him!!! and as she compounds the lies, she compounds the consequences!!!!

OHHHHH THAT WHOLE SCENE WAS SOOOOO JUICY I’M GONNA TEAR OUT MY HAAAAAIR

“all lies lead to the truth, isn’t that right?”

“and what about your lie, agent scully? what does it lead to?”

“the truth- about the men behind what happened to me, about my abduction and the tests, about being exposed to something against my will, about being put on a table and having something implanted in me and then having my memory stolen, only to have it returned along with a disease that i was given.” (ohh she was getting more and more furious as she said this and it was SO good)

“is that your justification? if that what you’re going to tell the joint panel tonight?”

“are you afraid of that?” <- OHHH her mocking and accusatory tone… i need it bottled

“well, considering the dead man in mulder’s apartment was murdered in cold blood and you willfully misidentified him, yes, i am afraid. but i’m only afraid for you” (<- and i do believe him, that he is scared to watch her proceed in this way, almost recklessly, even though it's calculated)

“you’re going to use that against me, aren’t you? you’re going to use me as i’ve been used all along- to preserve the lies”

“where is agent mulder?”

(she walks away)

WOOO baby, that scene was ACTING!! the tight closeups on their face was crazy, and it def could have backfired had they not been so freaking talented. every microexpression spoke a thousand words. i feel energized just watching it!!

jumping up and down. jumping up and down. we are sooooo back.

ohhh she goes into the lab herself to do the testing… in her lab coat… and her goggles… spinning the blood around… i’m faint…

meanwhile, mulder's walking through some weird pipes?? 

AUGH, there’s something IN HER BLOOD WATER, and she says it could be a connection between the conspirators and the cancer in her blood…. well to me it looks like a worm

he finds a new secret door and enters with a hand in his pocket, looking around... tension!!!

she’s ready to blow open this whole conspiracy!! ooooo you'd better stand back and watch it happen!

(they’re narrating all of this because this is a tv show and that is how an audiovisual media works, but i find it funny to imagine them speaking into a voice recorder as they describe their highly illegal activities)

he reaches the end of the mystery space and finds a ton of filing cabinets??? so he’s going to the scully file. he finds hers!!! it is a paper with a bunch of letters on it. which clears up nothing

and he pulls one out for kritschgau’s son as well!!! but it looks like his is blank???

someone from the DOD calls CSM to say that “scott” (mulder with the dead guy's ID card) made his way into the pentagon!! so he’s off to go find him. stay away from him, freak...

scully is rolling some sort of paper after soaking the mixture of stuff from her blood. you’re confused, i’m confused, i’m fascinated as to how this was explained for filming purposes, but here we are

“if my work with agent mulder has tested the foundation of my beliefs, science has been and continues to be my guiding light” <3

“now i’m again relying on its familiar and systematic methods to arrive at a truth- a fact that might explain the fate that has befallen me”

i love that she sees science as familiar and systematic; she really seems to be someone that values those aspects of stability, of knowing what can and cannot be true, and as the world grows more and more complex as they unravel the conspiracies, she turns to what she knows she can rely on. it reminds me in a way about how she values the comfort of a home, of the known, of what can be experienced and understood. she seems to thrive on that sort of knowledge, and i relate to it. something steady to keep her afloat, you know? it also speaks to her rigidity in following the rules. there is order and structure that maintains things, and that can be a great comfort, or a terrible hindrance if it is used for evil. but she, deep down, believes that there still is fundamental good. the rules, the science, the facts, the comfort of them all. it’s a terribly scary world; her biggest fear is what others are capable of. of course there is comfort in the known and the material. i like that a lot.

she hopes to match the virus from the mystery organism to the stuff in her cells, which would mean that her cancer has a cause, even if a cure is unknown! and maybe then they could find a cure to the virus thingy...? is this wishful thinking??

“if science serves me to these ends, it is not lost on me that the tool which i’ve come to depend on absolutely cannot save or protect me, but only bring into focus the darkness that lies ahead” <- hey. hey ouch. pain.

i refuse to consider such a possibility. there are too many more seasons ahead.

back to mulder in the labyrinth, looking for stuff that matches the numbers on her card. ough… why does his hair look so good…

anyway, he finds some sort of liquid

OH scully has done it!!! she’s mixed her DNA with the viral DNA from the cell!! oh, the ice core doctor guy is SHOCKED to learn that she has stuff in her that was also in the CANADIAN ALIEN MOUNTAINS!!

she explains that she believes she was exposed to this material that gave her an illness… and when he asks what kind, all she says is that it cannot be cured. damn. that was very dark.

so mulder finds this little vial of stuff with the specific numbers on it?? in a tiny tiny little bottle?

is it shots shots shots shots time??

he’s leaving from the pentagon, and in a voice over monologue, points out that he is as dependent upon her as she is upon him for the cure!!! as now she must convince the committee of her story!!!

she goes into the meeting room, bracing herself…. and she begins where we began in the last episode!!!! and now we know WHY she is reporting on the illegitimacy of his work!! ah, it is sweet relief to know there was no backstabbing between them

mulder is trying to sneak out… but his card swipe isn’t working…. and the military guys enter!!! 

can he play it cool?? can he beat them in a fight??? well, it FINALLY works, and one thing he can do is run!! and he manages to!!!!

GASP! CSM sees mulder leave, and says to let him go!! he seems almost relieved to see mulder alive and with this mystery liquid

and scully’s doing her oscar-winning performance about identifying a body. an absolute serve.

but skinner comes in just as she says this…. 

her eyes are filled with tears as she pulls out the evidence… (which is just two lines on paper, but you KNOW she is going to explain it)

and she notes that the whole thing was “planned and executed by someone in this room”, seeming to blame it all on skinner… oh my god…

OH MY GOD SHE’S STARTING HER PRESENTATION AND HER NOSE STARTS TO BLEED???

SHE FAINTS?????? and SKINNER CATCHES HER????

she looks at him and says “you…..” before passing back out <- WHAT DID SHE WANT TO SAY TO HIM??!??!?!?!?!

mulder is with the lone gunmen analyzing the mystery liquid…. and it’s water??

hold on, i had to rewatch her fainting and skinner catching her… how he starts to hold her face but stops himself… the way she says “you” so quietly… and then she loses consciousness again… oh my god… to be caught by the person she thinks is killing her… 

and skinner… i don’t believe for a minute that he is behind this. how hurt he must be at her accusations, his terror in watching her march ahead recklessly and lie to these people who would kill her in a heartbeat, and actively ARE killing her, and he was the one that made the deal with the devil to try and get this to stop happening, but what if he’s only advanced the work of the devil and got nothing out of it for himself…? and she doesn't even trust him!!!!

i rewatched that scene 4 times. and it was amazing during each of them.

and mulder… with his water… mystery water in vials… what can it do?? is it really just water?? why tf would the government hide vials of water with incredibly specific numbering deep in the pentagon. i don't buy it.

oh man, we are SOOOOOO back!!!!! i am bouncing off the walls. i cannot WAIT to learn what happens next. the angst here was EXQUISITE.

i’m such a sucker for angst involving mulder/scully and skinner. it’s going to get me EVERY time. over and over and over again. it just punches me in the gut. and all the other stuff punches me in the gut too, but this one has a certain je ne sais quoi factor about it; is it the mentor/mentee relationship of it all?? the way they care about each other but don’t know how to express it?? how they go from being willing to die and to kill for each other and then suddenly that trust is entirely removed, back and forth, back and forth? oh, it’s like CATNIP to me.

scully fainting and him catching is already going to be on my list of favorite moments, i know it, i know myself too well.

AUGHHHHHAUAGGHHHHRAUGGHHHHHAUGHHHHHH i LOVE THIS SHOW see it can be SO GOOD WHEN IT WANTS TO BE!!!!!!!!!

the trickery!! the plotting!! the deception!! the mysteries within mysteries!!! i still think the aliens are real though!! what are they doing with those women?? giving then alien DNA so they can steal their eggs to make alien babies?? what is that oil stuff in mulder?? and where does krycek fit into this??? and again, those half alien things in arizona?? don’t tell me!! don’t tell me because i am excited to learn!!!

YEAHHHHH!!!

[schizosamwincester]

So, November 5, in addition to being a) my birthday, b) Destiel day, c) @buncoreclown 's birthday, d) election day in America, and e) guy fawkes day, is also the fifth anniversary of my psychotic break. And just. Goddamn. Half a fucking decade.

For me, a delusion onset very, very suddenly. There were a few passing thoughts of it in the days before, but it pretty much hit all at once at about 5:35. The delusion came on really strong with instant, intense tactile hallucinations, and I started dissociating and never completeness stopped until I started T not even a month ago.

Schizophrenia is neurodevelopmental, so in a lot of ways I've been schizophrenic my whole life. I very much have always had the schizophrenic thought patterns. My brain has always grabbed onto ideas too hard, my thoughts have always been scattered, I've always been rambly, I've always been obsessive. That said, there's a huge difference between that latent schizophrenia and me being actively schizophrenic. All of those symptoms got worse in the after. And tomorrow marks 5 years of living as an honest-to-god schizophrenic.

Despite how much worse my symptoms are now than they were before, it's so much better to be living in the after because now I understand that none of it is normal and can deal with it and be gentle to myself about it. I'm not just incapable of getting my shit together—I deal with an actual thing called disorganized thinking that makes it incredibly difficult to keep a train of thought a lot of the time. I'm not just stubborn—I have actual delusions, so it is really hard to let go of ideas. And I don't just "babble," as my mother would say—rambling and tangents are how my brain works and I shouldn't have to stop that just because it isn't normal. Lots of people love hearing my long-ass rants.

But that's not really what I'm thinking about today. I'm just thinking about how despite the fact that November 5, 2019 still defines me and every facet of my current life was caused by what happened that day, it is now 5 years later. I've spent 5 years in the after. I've spent more time being "recovered" than I ever did in active psychosis. And it is just strange that something that happened a half-decade ago when I was still in high school is still so definitive. I have been living on my own for a year. I've been working as a CNA for 2 and a half years. My life is nothing like it was when I was a high schooler in my parents house (well, except for the fact that I still write and read too much fanfic), but I do still think about that event not necessarily daily, but at least weekly.

Five years is a long time, and I'm very glad to be alive and, despite everything, coping with it all extraordinarily well. Don't get me wrong. I'm still definitely disabled. I've got my life set up very carefully to work around my limitations, and I'm also just really lucky to have found about the one affordable apartment in walking distance from everything important in all of America (schizophrenia is why I don't drive). But still, like... I've made it to 5 fucking years out. Just being alive and functional by then was almost incomprehensible to me by like, November 8, 2019.

Five goddamn years. Given how hard it is and how much I just take everything one day and one week at a time, it is so weird to step back and realize I've been living with schizophrenia for that long.

Okay. That's all. Back to my regularly scheduled fandom bullshit.

[ladyswillmart]

Yes, it's my imperturbable Falathrim, Hivallion! And this is a typical glamour of his; very simple and typically lightweight clothing (he only trots out the armor on special occasions, y'know, like storming the Black Gate of Morannon or doing an unreasonably anachronistic Electric Slide at Aragorn and Arwen's wedding).

The pieces in this set are:

Head: Circlet of Fresh-picked Flowers (White). Just a flower crown, I think picked up during the Farmer's Faire. Come to think of it, Hivallion wears this kind of thing a lot.

Back: Summer Concert Cloak (White). A rather lovely thing embroidered with yellow flowers and trimmed with scalloped lace. Like something one might wear to a midsummer wedding, perhaps one that technically hasn't happened yet...

Shoulders: (Empty)

Chest: Achardor's Shirt (White). A cherished homespun blouse that once belonged to a fallen comrade of his in the Golden Host. "Achardor could be a bit of a grouch, but he meant well. In any case, we all keenly felt his loss," notes Hivallion. "He actually loaned me the shirt but a handful of hours before his death. Then in the excitement of our mission I forgot about it completely until I met up with his brother's widow in Caras Galadhon, to deliver the terrible news of his passing. Unfortunately I was wearing the shirt at the time..."

Hands: Leather Gauntlets (White). Just plain leather gauntlets that cover the forearms. Hivallion got these in Bree.

Legs: Quilted Leggings (Ranger Green). An article of clothing that has been in the Wardrobe since anyone can remember, but they have since been dyed in loads of colors and have appeared in many ensembles. Otherwise, nothing special about them.

Shoes: Bolger's Shoes (Default). "I received these as payment for helping out one Bingo Bolger of Budgeford clear out a nest of pesky harvest flies," Hivallion recalls. "It struck me as a bit odd that a hobbit would have shoes in his possession, but considering that they were sized for an elf made me wonder if they were in fact some kind of Mathom this fellow kept on his mantelpiece for years and years. Isn't that something?"

Mount: Prized Galadhrim Steed. Actually I designed the outfit to match the horse! Weirdly enough, it was dyeing the pants Ranger Green that proved to be the thing to tie it all together.

hey guys reblog this post with a screenshot of your current favorite cosmetic outfit in lotro, I wanna see your cool outfits

[kyouka-supremacy]

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