#me for the 1000th time trying to explain to people | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

anyamaris · 2 years ago

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Just a Taste

Word Count-3244

Summary- Being a vampire was a pain in the butt, but not as much of a pain as Wooyoung was.

Pairing- Wooyoung x Vampire!f!reader

Trope-Supernatural AU

Warnings-Language, biting, blood, unprotected sex (wrap it up!) MINORS DNI 18+ lots of talk about veins.

A/N-This is directly connected to another little 2 part I wrote about Yunho as a vampire! They can be read standalone but if you'd like to read those here is the link! There are only mentions of some of the people in this one so it's not very important.

I hope you enjoy, I had fun with this one. Thank you for the encouragement too @wooyoungmybelovedhusband 🤍

Tags- @cultofdionysusnet @shinestarhwaa @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @babesindestroyland @yoonguurt @stardragongalaxy @lemonhongjoong (tagging you because you seem to like my stuff so let me know if you want to be removed!)

NSFW below cut

"Pleeeease!!!!" Wooyoung asks for the, who knows? 1000th time? He's gotten to the point where you just want to punch him right in his pouty little face. He bats his eyelashes at you and tries to act cute but you just push past him.

"No." You say, rolling your eyes. He just wouldn't quit. Ever since you accidentally showed your fangs that one fricken time, he hasn't let up on you. "Whyyyyy nooooot?" he whines out and grabs your arm, pleading. You grab him by his shirt and hoist him up off the floor, feet dangling.

"Woo. Stop. I'm not biting you." you say and are about to smile at his silence, then he smirks as his eyes get big. "Oh wow...Y/n....this is so hot...." he says, and you roll your eyes AGAIN, letting him down. "Quit it. I told you, I don't want to bite my friends. It's a..." you start, stopping to bite your lip.

What you wanted to tell him was that it was a very intimate act with someone you knew. With strangers, it didn't matter, you didn't care whether they got hurt or not, because you could erase their memories. You didn't want to erase your friends memories. And you weren't concerned with becoming more attached to them, especially since normally you fed on complete douchebags.

But to bite and drink Wooyoung's blood? Well...it was just far too dangerous. For the both of you. "It's what? Y/n, tell me." He gently places a hand on your arm and you sigh. "Look, Woo. I can't explain it....it's complicated. But just know I'm saying no for your own good. It's not exciting like the movies, where I'm all pretty and sparkly. It's not all romantic, it's literally just me drinking blood. That's it." You say, ignoring the voice in your head protesting.

It's not like you've not thought about it. Being...intimate with Wooyoung, licking his throat, those delicious plump veins. The man drove you wild with blood lust...as well as another type of lust. Which was why you were adamantly against indulging in his curiosity.

Once you fed on him, you weren't sure if you'd be able to stop yourself from wanting him more and more. It could be dangerous, you think again and shake your head at the thought.

"You're so mean to me." he pouts and you just walk away, ignoring him. He was so ridiculous that you just wanted to scream. Making your way into the living room, you plop down with Seonghwa and he gives you a half hearted smile. "He's at it again, huh?" Hwa asks with sympathy and you just close your eyes and nod. "Let's play a game and take your mind off of him, he'll find something else to do."

Coming in from your hunt, you sigh and roll your shoulders. You were exhausted from trying to get your mind off of a certain someone who'd been hounding you forever. Every time you bit into some strange man in a back alley, you thought of Woo. Every time you swallowed the rich liquid from someone's veins, you closed your eyes and thought of Wooyoung's neck. It was tiring.

You never gave in to any kind of lust with a stranger, not that you had any desire to do so anyhow when you were drinking blood. But the idea of feasting on Wooyoung while sinking your fangs into one of his plump......

You whimper and rub your eyes, shaking your head at yourself. "Horrid man, tempting me." you mutter and go down into your room. Hwa was definitely fast asleep. It'd been a few months since You'd all moved to a bigger place, and you were grateful for the space he'd provided all of you. San and Yeosang had the rooms on the upper floor and you enjoyed your basement room fully.

It was nice and dark, completely finished and Hwa had made sure the windows were sealed shut so no light could penetrate during the day. Sometimes you slept during the daylight hours, but as long as you stayed indoors, it wasn't a necessity. One of the many things the myths get wrong. It just hurt and burned your energy faster in the light. And being weak as a supernatural creature was never a good idea.

Shutting your door behind you, you turn on your lights and stretch. "You're back early." you hear from within and you're instantly on high alert, darting into a corner. "Wow! I didn't even see you move over there, you're so fast." you hear and your mind clears enough to finally process the voice. "WOO!" you yell and then you're in front of him, glaring down.

He's sitting in your computer chair, his mouth open, his long hair hanging in his eyes. Even in your momentarily panicked state, you feel the urge to reach out and tuck his hair behind his ear. "Why are you in here?" you ask him, trying to sound calm.

He tilts his head at you and shrugs, "You told me I could come us your computer when you were gone. Is that not alright?" Cursing yourself for forgetting you had indeed allowed this, you sigh. "It's fine," you say backing off. "I...it's fine..." you repeat, turning to leave again.

You feel Woo's hand grasp your arm and you don't bother shrugging him off. "What, Woo?" you ask, hand on your head. Being unable to feed tonight has you sleepy and low on energy. You definitely didn't have enough to argue with him, especially after using so much thinking he was an intruder.

"Hey, what's going on?" he asks, his normal teasing tone nowhere to be found. His concern has you shaking your head to clear it. That was the last thing you needed right now, Wooyoung knowing you were feeling vulnerable.

Senses on overdrive all of a sudden, your nostrils flare when you notice what he's wearing. As he stands up and pulls you to him, you find yourself drawn to the thick, juicy veins running down his neck, his collarbone and shoulder exposed. He was wearing a black tank top and just a sweater that was currently slipping down his arm, tantalizing you with the sound of the blood pumping through him.

He curls his arm around you, petting your hair and whispering. "Y/n, did you not feed yet today?" You whimper as he cradles your head, your face so close to his bare skin and those delicious-

"Woo!" you yell stepping back as fast as you can. His face is more serious than normal, more...determined. Oh this isn't good, not tonight...you think and cover your nose and mouth to stop the intense scent coming from him. You could smell his lust and it confused you.

"Y/n....for being such a powerful vampire, you're so tiny in my arms. It's ok if you want to just give in for a little while, you know? You look so tired." he is saying, walking towards you with his hands up like you were a feral animal. I guess I kind of am, you think, your need spiking as your eyes trail from his dark eyes to his full lips, then down to his delectable shoulder.

Your breathing speeds up as he pulls you back into him, tilting your head into his neck. "Woo...." you whine and he gasps as he feels your breath on his bare skin. You can't help but brush your lips across the plump vein on his neck and his arms tighten around you. On a hiss, you draw back, but he's not letting go.

You could easily use your strength to pull away but...you find yourself not wanting to. Your mind was screaming to resist this, to not give in to something so base, that this was so dangerous. But your body was acting on it's own, and you can't help but respond when Wooyoung dips his head and takes your lips with his.

His arms pull you into him even more, pressing you against him and you can feel his lust now, on top of smelling it. His rigid length is pressing against your lower belly, and he moans against your lips as you encircle his waist and open your mouth to him.

Unable to help it, you feel your fangs lengthen and before you can pull back, he hisses as his tongue is nicked. You feel your eyes go red as the iron rich taste of blood swirls over your tongue. When you go to pull back, his hand clutches the back of your head tighter, deepening the kiss instead of breaking it.

"No," he's saying, kissing you between his words, "Not this time." Moaning, he's backing you up to the bed until your knees hit it. "You're not getting away from me..." he growls out and then he's yanking your top over your head, tossing off his sweater. He grasps you by your waist and picks you up like you weigh nothing. To surprised to go anything but gasp, his hands slide down to cup your ass. Instinctively, your legs go around him.

"Woo-" you start and then he's licking your neck, sucking and nipping at the skin, making your skin prickle in need. "I could snap you in two with my thighs," you manage and you feel his hot breath as he laughs softly against your neck. "Then break me." he says huskily as he falls with you onto the bed, landing on top of you.

He draws your arms over your head, pinning you down. You close your eyes and turn your head, feeling suddenly shy about looking like a monster to him. "Y/n. Look at me." he says breathily and you can't help but slowly look back up at him. You can't even breathe as you take in how sexy he looks propped over you, his hips between your legs. His stiffness pressed against you, his hair hanging down and his eyes full of lust. You watch him lick his lips and the blood on them from where you bit him makes your fangs grow painfully, ripping a moan from your throat before you can tamp down on the desire.

You can't help yourself from biting your own lip, the sharpness of your fangs cutting into your bottom lip. The stinging pain and Woo's moan as he descends upon your mouth again has you unable to think. He lets out a moan as he licks the bloodied wound on your lip, and you return the favor, your tongue darting out to taste him again.

Too late you realize what you've just done as Wooyoung gasps suddenly, his hands around your wrists squeezing even harder. He moans out as his hips writhe against you, rubbing his hard length along your wet panties. His cock feels like an iron bar grinding against you as his eyes take on a red glint. "Fuck-Woo-SHIT," you cry out, attempting to push against him, but the surge of strength he's gotten from ingesting your blood has you terrified. For both him and you.

"Fuck, Y/n, this feels amazing..." he breathes out, then his mouth is on yours again, one hand holding both of your wrists as the other one travels down to yank down your bra. "You smell so fucking delicious...." he is saying as he licks his way down your neck, nibbling on your collar bone. His hand is cupping your breast as his mouth makes it's way to your tender flesh, sucking your nipple into his mouth as he groans and grinds against you.

You vaguely recognize the signs of his blood high from the scent comment and sudden strength but then you're lost as his hand leaves your chest to delve into your panties. He teases at your wet entrance, sliding his fingers through your slick folds. You whine out and your cheeks go red again as you tense up. "Why did your scent change?" he asks, moving back up to kiss you gently, a worried look in his eyes.

"Nothing I-" you start but then you look away again shyly, your ears burning. "Do you not like this, gorgeous?" he asks, his fingertips plying at your opening. "I...do..." you breathe out and swallow dryly. He continues to look down at you as he slips a finger into you and your mouth opens as he does. "Holy fuck, baby you're so tight.." he manages as he starts to press into you further. Just the feeling of his finger inside of you has you going insane. Then he's slipping another in and you cry out as he pumps both in and out of you. Your hips slowly start to match his motions and he's got you gasping with tears in your eyes. "Mmm you look so fucking hot writhing beneath me, helpless." Woo moans out and you feel the tell tale signs of an orgasm building in your lower tummy. The tightness ramps up and he thrusts his fingers into you one last time, stopping right before you can reach your peak.

You sob out his name and he smiles down at you. "Not yet. I want to feel you clamp down on my cock like that. I'm not going to let you cum until I'm buried deep inside of you and you're feeding on me." he whispers to you and then he's yanking off his pants, discarding the rest of his clothing in a heap.

"You like this, don't you?" he asks, finally letting go of your wrists, allowing you to grasp his hair in your fingers, drawing him back to your needy mouth. His one hand is pressing your thigh open, gripping you behind your knee and pulling it up as he tangles his tongue with yours. His hard length is prodding at you, his hip motions controlled as he teases at you. You pull at his hair as your other hand grabs his ass, your hips trying to lift as you try to pull him down onto you.

But his temporary strength, coupled with your weakened, vulnerable state won't allow you to have your way. And he knows it, from the smirk on his face as he watches you from above. "Tell me what you want, my beautiful girl..." he whispers down at you, the head of his cock pressing into you, and you can feel yourself clenching at him, needing him. "Woo....please fuck me," you're ashamed to hear yourself whining out but you can't help it.

The sudden counter balance of feeling helpless is making you completely insane, losing your reason as he stretches you, finally giving in to your frantic cries. He starts slowly but then his eyes darken and he finishes with a hard thrust into you. You choke out a moan as his hips press you down into the mattress, his husky voice in your ear. "You're so fucking tight, oh my god. How can you be so fucking tight and drenched for me," then he's pulling back to thrust hard into you again, ripping a cry from you.

The burst of strength he's gotten has you wondering if he's going to bruise you. At the thought, you clench down around him and he cries out incoherently, drenching him with even more of your juices. You can't help but whine as he starts pounding into you, his mouth all over your neck, your shoulders, your chest as he fucks you. The sound of your bodies slamming together, the wet slapping has you climbing your peak again.

Woo notices and he flips you both, startling you. He sits up and takes your ass in his hands, moving you up and down on him. You throw your head back as you roll your hips, the pleasure building even more.

He slips a hand into your hair, pulling the back of your head so your mouth meets his once again. He breaks the kiss and gazes into your eyes to watch you for a moment before he guides your face to his throat. "Drink." he demands and you hesitate for only a moment before you graze your teeth along his thick, pulsing vein.

"Fuck! Bite me, Y/N! I want my blood filling your mouth as my cum fills your tight little pussy!" He's crying out and you see stars as you sink your fangs into his warm flesh, your teeth puncturing his swollen vein. Hot, fragrant blood bursts into your mouth and you suck and lick his throat wildly as you bounce on him. Your walls begin to clamp around him, spasming as you feel your dam break. Wooyoung let's out an animalistic cry as his fingers dig deep into the flesh of your ass, bruising you. The scream you let loose is unending as you throw your head back, blood covering your lips and you look down at him as he thrusts deep inside of you, his face contorted in ecstasy.

The sound of his release, calling out your name, moaning desperately, has you harnessing another wave and you just hold on helplessly as he pulls you down one last time, emptying himself deep within your womb. His head falls forward onto your chest and your hand goes into his hair, running your fingers through the dark tresses.

After a few moments of silence broken only by the sounds of breathing, his arms tighten around you and tighten, pulling you even closer. You let your head tip onto his, resting your cheek against his hair and allowing yourself to breath in all of his scents. His rich blood, his natural scent and the scent of his seed mixed with your fluids has you dizzy with overwhelming pleasure and contentment.

When you go to pull back, he pulls you closer again and whines. Chuckling at his neediness, you feel stirring in your withered heart. After all the control he just exerted, his clinginess has you inwardly melting and screaming red alert all at once. Shit....this is so so....dangerous....you think.

"My precious treasure, that's what you are to me." Woo says, looking up at you, his eyes soft and pleading. "Don't erase this please...don't take this from me." he begs quietly, making your heart clench. You can't help but bring your lips to his, kissing him softly.

How in the world did that insanely passionate encounter have you going all mush for this human all of a sudden?

"Only me." He is saying, whispering and kissing you, your lips, your cheeks, your eyes. "Only drink from me, only touch me, only look at me." he's saying in between brushing his soft lips over your face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And that's how you found yourself in this position. A moment of weakness, agreeing to Wooyoung's quiet but intense pleas in the blissful after effects of lovemaking.

"Hey, I told you. Don't screw the human. Don't give in to him. He's a bigger monster than anyone in this household." Seonghwa is saying, and you can't help but hang your head in shame as he shakes his head at you in dismay.

Wooyoung just looks at both of you sitting on the couch with a pout. "Come on! Seriously, wouldn't it be easier if you just turned me? You already drink my blood and you even said if I was turned my blood would be even better for you-" he starts up again, following you out of the room as you grunt in frustration.

"I told her." Hwa says, booting up Animal Crossing.

#cultofdionysusnet #ateez fanfic #wooyoung smut #ateez au #wooyoung x reader #vampire reader #wooyoung x vampire!reader

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violettelueur · 4 years ago

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— ITADORI YUJI + GOJO SATORU + RYOMEN SUKUNA + NANAMI KENTO || THEIR S/O TURNING INTO BABIES/TODDLERS

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + gojo satoru + ryomen sukuna + nanami kento from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : grammar issues

↳ form : headcanons

↳ published : 03 april

↳ pronouns : non specified in headcanon

↳ request : Hi! May I request a headcanon just like the previous one you did with the s/o turning into a child but with Gojo, Itadori, Sukuna and Nanami? Thank you, I'm always looking forward to your works and love them very much!!!

↳ barista’s notes : i am so sad that i didn’t enjoy jujutsu kaisen friday...it feels really weird to not watch an episode ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ but update on my life, on genshin impact i am on AR 39 since i finished my assession thingy and i am plannning to spend a lot on money on small business and skincare because it’s my two week holiday (if i do not become stingy because i am with money - call me MeiMei) and i can’t shop physically because of COVID....other than that, i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee and come back soon ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ

Itadori would be most surprised out of everyone when he finds out that you have turned into a child. For example, he would wake up and would instantly fall off his bed once he finds a toddler in his presence.

The first person he will go to is Fushiguro because ‘best friends for life I say’ and to be honest, you will probably cry/become nervous the second you see him because he has an annoyed look on his face leading you to hide under the blanket.

Itadori will panic and pull you into his arms with the blanket over because you are just scared of his friend and Fushiguro will be confused since you were friends with him after all.

You will have the brightest smile when you are with Itadori and you love it when he would raise you up in the air because it seems like you are flying.

When Itadori runs, you will giggle so much because it’s like being in a race car because of how fast he goes and the first years will wonder why you are not scared one bit.

I feel like you are comfortable with other people carrying you like even Gojo can, but when you want to go to Itadori...they better pass you on to him.

You and Itadori will always high-five each other just to make you happy because you would always raise your hand to him.

What Itadori finds really adorable is when you pick up a basketball because it looks really big compared to your toddler size and it is extra adorable when you try to throw it into the hoop with a little jump to copy him...like it just doesn’t reach.

This is when he would carry you up in the air and allow you to place the ball into the hoop because he really loves it when you cheer brightly.

When you run around, expect either Itadori to run slower because it seems like you are having so much fun or him to scoop you up into his arms because he is just really fast.

If Sukuna appears on his cheek, you would either slap it because you think it’s weird or just stare because it’s something you don’t see every day.

Itadori will have to force himself to watch cartoons with you because that is the only thing you would watch rather than you regular anime/movie nights that you would have with him.

After the whole cursed technique has been reversed, you would have no recollection of what just happened for the past 24 hours leading Itadori to explain - but I feel like he is the type to rather giggle in the middle of his explanation leading you to ask Fushiguro and Kugsaki in the end.

When you have turned into a toddler, Gojo will have no clue on what to do or say - even though he technically raised Fushiguro, doesn’t mean he has parental skills...he knows how to financially support someone.

In the beginning, he would be looking at you with such endearment because of how adorable you look and will absolutely take thousands of photos of you.

However, it seemed like you somehow retained your personality because the second he takes the 1000th photo, you would smack the phone out of his hands, surprising him completely.

You seem to be quite a calm child since you don’t really refuse to let him carry you, you just let him while he parades you around the school to show you off.

You will call him ‘Mr’ - don’t know why...maybe to tease him.

Gojo is the type to spin you around and twirl you like a princess because you are and forever will be to him - he sort of begins to notice your quite a quiet child.

The first years would be really shocked at your new appearance, especially Fushiguro since you did raise him...now it’s kind of his turn…

Nanami will try to take you away from Gojo because he’s worried that his colleague will do something really stupid to the point where you are injured in the process - but your man is adamant that he won’t hurt you.

Gojo will treat you to many sweets and that will cause a little shine of excitement to shine in your eyes because it’s a kid’s dream, right?

He really likes to feed you because it seems fun to him - I can imagine him saying ‘here comes the train’ and you would just grab the fork and guide it to your mouth.

When Gojo finally lifts up his blindfold, you would be surprised by them because they are so shiny - like you would stare at them for quite a bit that causes Gojo to freeze because you were dead frozen.

But when you show the brightest smile and place your hand on his cheeks, he relaxes before letting you do what you want to do.

Say “Pwetty eyes” and Gojo will blush on the spot because you would always compliment his eyes when you were in your original form.

When the time has passed the 24-hour mark and you are back to normal, Gojo will instantly tell you what happened before you even ask - like “you were so adorable as a baby~ where are your baby photos?” while scrolling the pictures through his phone to show you.

He will 100% have baby fever after...

When Sukuna discovers you in your miniature form as a child, he will laugh at you for a good hour or more because he thinks how funny it is that you let a curse affect you like this.

However, what Sukuna finds really weird is that you’re not really afraid of him but rather interested because you would move closer to him to get a good look.

You will 100% tug on his kimono to get his attention and at first, it does annoy him completely because you are messing up with clothing but after a while, he finds it really assuming that you want his attention.

If you are in his domain, he will let you roam around in the water but he will find it really irritating that you are making loud noises since he is used to the quiet.

If you trip or fall down on your face, expect the King of Curses to laugh at you because he laughs at everyone’s misery - but he will be shocked that you haven’t cried at all.

He is the type of person that would say kids have no fear whatsoever - that is because of you.

Unlike the others, Sukuna will carry you by the collar of your shirt or just the back of your shirt and leave you hanging for some time - but it’s fun for you since you're just chilling and swinging.

Just because you are his significant other, doesn’t mean the word ‘brat’ won’t leave his mouth when he addresses you - the second you become a child, is the moment where you are a brat to him, but a brat that he loves.

After a while, when you start walking around in his domain after relaxing for some time, Sukuna would follow you slowly from behind because it just wants to see you waddle…

When you sit with him on his little skull seat, you will either play with his hands because his nails are just really long and you find that interesting or you would trace his marks because who the hell has marks on their face?

Sukuna would once again comment how children have no fears but wouldn’t stop you from touching the markings that he has on his face because he finds your expression of awe quite funny.

When you go back to your original form and remember nothing, Sukuna wouldn’t really tell you what happened but will just give you a smirk before saying “so what are you going to repay me with since you annoyed me so much as a little brat?” - huh?

When Nanami finds you in your little toddler state after being hit with a curse technique, he will literally have a whole staring contest with you for a few minutes.

You would probably stare at him for quite some time as well before either your eyes begin to tear up because he looks really scary or your arms would raise up, conveying to him that you want to be picked up.

You would call him ‘Nanamin’ just like how Itadori does and when Itadori finds out, he can’t help but find it really cute that you have picked up his habit.

For a child, you are quite interactive since when Nanami comes back to inform the school, you would wave to greet everyone that walks past and Gojo will find it really amusing - Nanami wouldn’t show it, but he thinks it’s endearing of you.

Gojo will definitely laugh at you for sometime before reaching out to hold you, only for you to wrap your arms around Nanami’s neck really tightly.

You would definitely fiddle with his glasses and try to put them on your face because it seems fun and you always wanted to try them on - now you have an excuse.

Nanami will make sure that you are well taken care of. He will make sure that you have eaten, hydrated with water, be in safe hands if he needs to go somewhere and he will help you clean up if you need help.

Let's just say he is the most responsible out of the four people in this headcanon right now because he is Nanami Kento.

If you somehow manage to get close to his weapon, he will quickly take it away from your reach because he is worried that you might hurt yourself.

Nanami has made one rule to himself and that is to never leave you in the care of Gojo Satoru because he has no idea what he would do with you - I don’t think he would take you to Ino as well because...it’s Ino (In conclusion, he will leave you to Shoko).

When Ino first sees you, he thinks Nanami is joking with him until he notices how much the child looks like you, only to shout your name in complete surprise causing you to giggle because it’s a funny sight.

If you snuggle your head in the crook of his neck, Nanami can’t help but smile slightly because it reminds him now you would do that as an adult when he came home from work and he can’t help but find it adorable that you kept that habit.

When you go back to your adult form after the 24 hours are up, Nanami will tell you what happened if you want to know and will probably warn you about the blackmail material Gojo has gained in the process.

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moo-nstone · 4 years ago

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Eva, since you have BIG DICK ENERGY, have you thought about possibly making a post about aspects and romantic partners you would be attracted to because of them. (i hope I explained it well enough) just a thought! take care

as in, who i feel attracted to because of my bde, or placements who i feel have bde? both options lead to the same answer, so. alright, buckle up

PLACEMENTS I’M DRAWN TO DUE TO THEIR BIG DICK ENERGY

leo suns: i don’t run but if the person is extremely cocky and annoying i might just jog a little.... olympics edition. i really like people with an unshakeable sense of self-worth and if a leo sun is anything is someone who WILL fight for that confidence. they’re so fun to be around even if most of them end up hating me due to severe personality clash. everything is all or nothing with them, it can’t just Be. they always have to blabber about their music taste and style and favorite art pieces and opinions and i am a hole for strong personalities

planets in the 4th house, especially sun and jupiter: strong protective instincts, everywhere they go they look to build (and lead) their pack. the most imaginative and philosophical people ever (sucking my own cock here, forgive me). attribute meaning to things that are already so meaningful within themselves. always seeking to experience the highest emotional experience, sometimes to their detriment by getting involved in chaotic situations. can make anywhere feel like home. secret crybabies. also make the most emotional gifts ever??? they can’t just buy you a gift they have to write a 10 page long letter to come along with it. lovers of books cats and cuddles

pisces moons: i am not gonna repeat for the 1000th time how much i love this placement, they are THE moon sign, they make me feel so emotionally vulnerable and that’s uncomfortable but so so hot. their brains...... oh my god their brains. it’s a whole 3 universes up in that bitch; their imagination.... they have the minds of a mastermind. they’re always excited about a book or game or anime and when they tell me about it i want to cry about how precious it is. they get me excited about things that i had no knowledge about previous to them talking to me about it

scorpio moons: dark tortured artists. slightly off-putting..... beautiful nonetheless. very dependable. i will barely know them but if they tell me it’s gonna be okay then it’s GONNA be okay. eye contact with them feels like snorting a line of cocaine (seriously i have never met people so into eye contact.... i went on a date with a scorpio moon once and at one point i had no idea what we were talking about i could only focus on the way his eyes were like. trying to look into my soul. dude it was scary but exhilarating)

mars in scorpio: they just... get it. so emotional. make a big fuss out of everything. sex has to be an insane soul-bonding spiritual experience for them. it cant ever be just sex. they cry a lot. feel a lot. big dick energy is emotional depth for me

libra risings: i can fix them

gemini mars: i can’t fix them. i will make them worse. and i’m down for it

mars-venus: these people are so fun slightly insane but they Get me. the type to joke about setting my house on fire if i don’t answer them for 5 minutes. the type to joke about getting married to me even if we’re just platonic and suddenly we’re getting the rings and a priest’s blessing and laughing our way through it. bad ideas and terrible thought-out plans but it always makes for great stories

mars-pluto: especially square. they’re very over-protective and even in friendships im drawn towards ppl like that because i know i can be very overbearing as well and the way they go batshit crazy when someone mildly offends you.... disrespectfully, i am a hole. also, they... have terrible ideas. i like tagging along under the pretense of wanting to make sure they don’t get arrested, but secretly i love it

mars aspecting the ascendant/sun/moon: look, i don’t have a hero complex. if anything, i have a lucifer complex (i’m here to sin and be sexy)....... but i am a sucker for people with hero complexes. they see the world as a fight they have to win, i want to be there when they do

no virgo in their birth chart: feels like heaven to me. okay let me reiterate: i love having friendships with virgo placements; most times, at least, but i don’t think it could ever escalate into anything more. they’re too controlling and i feel paranoid and suffocated about people trying to overpower me way too easily. i just... immediately run away as soon as they pull their controlling antics on me

uranus dominants: AHHHH!!! AWOOGA! okay at this point this is a post about how i want to marry myself, but truly. no one is more unpredictable than these people. as soon as you think you’re understanding them they pull a 360 on you and you’re back on square zero. layers upon layers.... upon layers.... upon layers? what is this, shrek? sexy and insane the bestest combination ever

saturn in the 1st/8th/12th house: i will follow them to the depths of the underworld if they ask me to

cancer suns: yes i do want to sleep with the enemy. no i will not elaborate.

#answered #astrology

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ice-emperor-zane · 4 years ago

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Zane’s true potential was so important it still affects he and the others’ relationship to this day, and I know im probably the 1000th person to talk about the meaning of his true potential, but still I dunno, I think there’s more stuff that hasn’t particularly been said.

Im watching decoded right now and its made me realise something about their true potentials. The other ninja still don’t understand Zane’s true potential in its entirety, and didn’t listen to Zane when he tried to explain it. Everyone else’s fits a pattern of learning how to not pretend to be someone you’re not; the other’s try to put Zane’s into the same category, saying that Zane unlocked his true potential because he unlocked his memories and knew who he was, he didnt have to pretend to be human anymore if he’s a nindroid. Although that’s most likely particularly true, Zane himself then said something that made me realise that that’s definitely not all.

He said ‘To be more precise, I unlocked my true potential when I realised our differences cannot push us appart, they hold us together’

Which, first of all, beautiful statement, screaming and crying as i write this, i love him

Now, pair that with the fact that about 30 seconds prior, when asked about his true potential, Zane showed everyone a montage of his issues learning understand the others sense of humour (x). It seems like Zane has a very different perception of why he reached his true potential than the others do, and they aren’t trying to understand it, considering that they just brushed off both of his responses.

So what do his responses actually seem to point to?

We know that they all reached their true potential when something stopped holding him back, and nothing held Zane back more than communication issues with the others. He didn’t initially understand them, and they didn’t understand him. He couldn’t remember any other relationships he’d had before, so he assumed that this level of understanding was normal, explaining why he didn’t seem to care when he came back in episode 2 after he had been blamed for burning down the monastery, though wether or not he did care, im not sure; i’d like to think he did but just didn’t say.

Episode 8 and his memories gave him an example of a healthy relationship, it was then that he was able to see that things hadn’t been going particularly going well with him and the ninja, it kinda broke him at first, which is why part of why he was so sad (other than ofc the bit where he found out he’s not human and his dad is seemingly dead, that could probably make someone sad too 😳)

But all this why he got to his true potential, otherwise he would’ve just started glowing/flying/whatnot right there and then when he turned on his memory switch.

So y’know what I think the true potentials came from? Hope that things are going to get better. It sounds really fucking cheesy but bare with me, its another pattern of the true potentials that this time *everyone* fits into

-Cole got hope that his relationship with his father would finally improve

-Jay got hope that he’d become more comfortable being himself around everyone

-Kai got hope that even if he wasn’t the green ninja, he’d still be considered a valuable member of the team

Now Zane’s. Zane got hope that he and the others could have just as much of a fulfilling life together as what he’d had with his dad, not just in spite of but because of their differences. He decided then and there he’d make an effort to learning to getting along with them, and hope that they’d do the same for him. Right before the ninja left him to have some alone time after finding out he was a nindroid, they all told him that they accepted and thought it was really cool that he was a nindroid. For the first time, something about him that made him different was seen as a strength, rather than a weakness. Sure, people had commented on his other strengths before, like his abilities to stay underwater for a long time or his cooking expertise, but those were all things he’d practiced to get good at, those were his skills, not who he was.

Zane was still trying to figure out who exactly he was, having only just remembered it and all. But being a nindroid seemed like a big part of it, so the fact that everyone was so accepting of it made him feel like things really were going to get better for him, and that the others were good people who needed protecting, nothing was going to hold him back from trying to be happy alongside them.

#lego #ninjago #lego ninjago #zane julien #zane ninjago

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marauderbilliepevensie · 4 years ago

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Edmund One-Shot (Modern) - How You Met

A/N

Omg I haven’t posted in sooo looooong. Well, here ya go.

E/C = Eye Colour

You walked down the corridor in your favourite worn out jeans, a red and black flannel shirt , and your signature brown ankle boots. It was the first day back at school, and you were carrying your books for the next period, your backpack haphazardly thrown on your right shoulder. You didn't really care what people thought of you; all you cared about was getting to the lesson before that damn bell. Since you were looking down, you didn't notice someone was in front of you until you found yourself on the floor.

"I'm so sorry, are you okay?" a male voice exclaimed. You looked up, your heart stopping for a millisecond. It was Edmund Pevensie. The most popular boy in your year, and arguably in the entire main school. You immediately felt uncomfortable. You didn't have much of an opinion on him, but you always preferred to stay in the shadows, and were perfectly happy to go unseen.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry, it was my fault. I wasn't looking where I was going." You replied, collecting yourself. You thanked the stars that the corridor wasn't full. You looked down, not noticing Edmund quickly turn around and glare at his older brother, who held his hands up as if to say "what?" before turning around and walking away, trying to suppress his laughter. With a sigh, Edmund turned back round to you, extending his hand.

"I'm Edmund. Edmund Pevensie" He said.

"I know." a beat passed. "Sorry, that sounds weird, I just mean that I know your name because most people do, and I've seen you around, and, yeah I'm going to stop talking now." You got out in one breath, blushing in embarrassment as he you accepted his hand, and you were pulled from the floor.

"I'm Y/N." you said in a small voice, finally introducing yourself.

"I know." You looked up to see an impish grin on the young Pevensie's face. You stared at each other, and a second passed before you both chuckled, albeit awkwardly, as you bent down to collect your things.

As you checked over everything, you noticed you were missing a textbook. Then, it came into your line of eyesight, attached to Edmund's pale hand. You looked up, noticing he was observing you with a small smile on his face. Muttering a quiet thank you, you took the book, but your eyes widened seeing the watch on his wrist.

"Oh god! It's almost time for class!" you exclaimed. The ebony-haired boy looked at his watch, his eyes widening too as he saw the time.

"Shit!" he cursed, turning back to you. "Sorry for bumping into you Y/N, I'll...see you around?" he asked, his hazel eyes bright and...hopeful?

"Oh, um, yeah, I...I guess so." you replied, unsure of yourself.

"Great!" he exclaimed, excited, "Bye!" you close-enough-to-waved back until he turned around. Just then, the bell rang, and you took off down the corridor, just making it in time and almost forgetting about your encounter with the dark-haired Pevensie. Almost.

***

Edmund silently copied down what was on the board, his thoughts centred on the E/C girl for around the 1000th time. He'd liked her since Year 9, when she moved up a year from Year 8. He was also mentally cursing his older brother and his sixth-form free periods, which he seemed to think was a perfect time to visit his younger brother and push him into his year-long crush. He had to give himself some credit though – he handled the situation pretty well. The door opened and he looked up, and who should enter but Y/N. She turned to the teacher and explained that she had a music lesson. The teacher nodded.

"That's fine. Your seat is over there next to Edmund." Y/N's head snapped over to him before turning back to the teacher and nodding. Edmund's heart raced as she made her way over, before forcing a strange sounding "Hi" out of his mouth. She quietly greeted him back before opening her exercise book and started copying down the notes on the board.

***

"Okay everyone, your homework is a project with your desk partner. It's only small, and has no point other than to help you get to know each other. All the details will be on Google Classroom." the teacher said.

As you left the classroom, Edmund gave you a crumpled piece of paper.

"Here. Text me when you know when we can start working."

"O-okay." You replied gaining a small scrap of confidence, though still internally freaking out at the prospect of doing a 'bonding exercise' in the form of a history project. "Will do." you swallowed.

"See you then!" he said flashing his perfect, white teeth and turning around, jogging over to his siblings.

"See you," you replied quietly once he was out of earshot.

This might not be that bad. He seems nice – and smart, you thought.

I still hate people though, you firmly told yourself, before walking home.

#narnia #narnia fanfiction #narnia fandom #the pevensies #edmund pevensie #peter pevensie #susan pevensie #lucy pevensie #school au #modern au #narnia modern au #edmund pevensie x y/n #edmund pevensie x reader #edmund pevensie love story #edmund x reader #prince caspian movie #The Lion The Witch And The Wardrobe

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snowy-bones · 3 years ago

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I hope this doesn't come off as mean, this isn't my intention, this is just a general observation/question 😅

I know Ash has been through alot in his life, and he has major trust issues. But does this excuse him to act the way he does with others? Does he know he might be hurting people because of his actions and how he treats them?

I'm not calling him a horrible person no, but this is something that's been bugging me for awhile. I can understand if the person did sometjing wrong and he acts cold because of it, but if people are generally being nice or trying to offer support, comfort, ect, how comes he acts so codly towards that?

Again I hope this doesn't come off as mean, I think ash is pretty cool, but lately his actions towards people who seem to genuinely try to be nice has been bugging me 😓😭-🍯

i'll try to explain this the best i can without giving away too much about Ash's past. but Ash has many many walls. Ash has always been cold to outsiders and he is tolerant of others in The Hub. the big thing here is that Ash doesn't want to let others know too much about him, his trust was shattered so badly. and i think after going through 999 pacifist runs and then the one time you decide to let your guard down, the one time you decide to trust someone other then your sibling, it gets shattered right in front of you. the one being that you were going to let in, kills your brother right in front of you and leaves you to try and handle it. so because of this betrayal Ash refuses to let people close, even if it is genuine, he will not believe it as such. to him there is always a catch. the one being that managed to shatter those walls was Lightie. we still have no idea how Lite-Brite was able to do this with Ash but it happened. Ash really only trusted his brother, because everyone else in his AU did not like him. they would often avoid him, they would only act "normal" around him when his sibling was with him. Ash knew what was going on and began caring about others less and less, it didn't matter to him as long as he had Tang. Tang was the only one who cared about him, and he could trust him. but then the human fell and of course he would put on the act, but, he didn't trust this human, not at all. but the human kept coming back, and gaining Tang's trust more and more, and they made Tang happy. and if something made Tang happy, Ash (aka Little Star) would do anything to keep him happy. so after 999 pacifist runs...Ash lowered his walls...and then...the 1000th run...was a genocide...and Tang wanted to try and figure out what was going on with the little human...and went to meet them first. and in the end, Ash was not fast enough to stop Tang...or the human..and as his brother was falling to the snow, Ash found himself tunnel visioned on his dusting sibling and forgetting about everything else... he blames himself for this, he blames himself for everything that happened..for letting his brother get attached to the human, for not being fast enough to stop him, for letting him get hurt, for not being able to stop him from dusting...everyone else in the AU dusted...and by the time he was able to pull himself from his grief he had realized that..and thus started his path...Ash is a Dustswap, so he is going to be cold and untrusting...especially to people he knows are humans...it takes so much for him to even give a sliver of trust to anyone. believe me, i know the frustration with him, i wish he could be trusting, i wish he would allow people to show him how much they actually care...but he is so closed off. please don't be too hard on the gremlin man. he really isn't a bad guy...he's just hard to break through to...

#nonni nuggo #admin snow #about the gremlin man

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zelda-ffitzgerald · 4 years ago

Note

IA here. The MET anon. And it's early still and I'm hungover so I apologize if this comes across as harsh. BUT WHAT THE FUCK HAVE SOME OF YOU BEEN ON??? Cole is an abuser. That is not from me. That is not from these blogs or Riverdale fans that is from his gf of 3 motherfucking years who accused him, who has not backed down, who has been consistent in her story and from Lili indirectly through her poems and memes she has liked and even how she has talked about that relationship. So why are anons talking about him and the longevity of his 'relationship' like we can use normal parameters for it. Oh she has met his friends- so the fuck what? so has rainey, so has elisha, reina etc. She met his family? again so has a bunch of other people. he went to rainey's ranch, went to reina's bday family dinner. let's set aside that it is clearly transactional - ffs i will not explain for the 1000th time that no it wasn't just a coincidence that Daniela filer lined up several jobs for Ari BEFORE Ari even set foot in Vancouver or that Ari's agent confirmed a two month relationship or that they went out for pap walks got articles and then she applied for a checkmark or that Ari wanted until AFTER Cole posted her on his grid - within a fucking week to announce an agency change when that shit gets negotiated over months! Wait is finally over - from her own fucking mother- what were they waiting for? oh that is right COLE. So even discussing it like it's a normal hetero romantic relationship is dumb as balls. It's transactional. It's like asking if mIchelle will stay Cami's PA. Sure she seems like she's doing it for cheap, makes an efforts to get along with everyone and conveniently has Canadian passport. I'm sure Cami and Michelle like each other just fine, refer to each other as friends and have inside jokes, hug or whatever but should Michelle not do her duties, ask for too big a raise or finds a better offer she's going to bounce. Same. As. Ari. Take a fucking look at Ari's best friend Mara and Evander. In any other relationship, if a man cheated on me so constantly that he had to take out a billboard to apologize, told people I was a sex worker with many sugar daddies, married one of the women he cheated on me with, had multiple children with her that would be the end of that relationship. BUT NOT FOR THESE WOMEN. They are the roaches of relationships, as long as they god forbid don't have to do an honest day's work, they'll be around. So even trying to figure out how long it'll last is futile. There is nothing that is going to pry her hands of her meal ticket. Cole could anally rape every single one of Maman's stallion and Ari would just hand him the Sutil.

👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻

IA, louder for those in the back.

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whatifyoulivelikethat · 4 years ago

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prompt list

18+, I swear a lot. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A series of (unfortunate) lines of text that you'll read and probably question what the fuck is going on in my head. These are all from things I’ve written that have either never come to fruition, weren’t up to par with my usual standard, or just dumb shit floating around in my head. XD This is my 1000th post on here, woot!

Don't take it too seriously. Yes, they're vulgar. So am I.

You may change the pronouns to any gender identity you prefer. May be written for any fandom, any pairing, and tenses / objects can be modified to fit your need. A lot of them are dialogue, but some aren’t, and you are free to choose what you want it to be. Drabble, short story, a novel, anything goes.

Please tag me so I can read what you’ve written. :)

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“Uh, this is McDonalds, not a modeling agency.”

“Don’t you have rules?” / “Yeah, the rules are first come, first serve this ass.”

“Binding, but make it ropes and chains.”

“Are you implying we need to have an important conference meeting later and, by we, I mean my mouth and your dick?”

“You reek of desperation and a fragile ego.”

“So, you don’t want to accept my gift of a fuck?”

“It’s not fair – he gets you all to himself and I’m just watching, wondering what it feels like when you’re holding his dick.”

“Want to see this canvas?”

“People like you have your head so far up your ass that your mouth is talking shit."

“W-What? No. No, nothing is wrong. I’m fine. You’re fine. We’re all perfectly fine.”

“You could send someone to the hospital with your handsomeness.”

"Withholding information is a lie."

“Is this what everyone feels when they hear a word of kindness?”

“No pressure, just presence.”

“Stop trying to gyrate your dick into my personal space.”

"What’s more important, a full eight hours of sleep or a man? That’s right, I’m going to bed."

“What are you doing? That’s private.” / “That’s my face.”

“Admit you want me and I’ll make you want me more.”

“You’re being incredibly rude by not letting me sit on your dick right now.”

“You have two options – get on your knees, or I’ll make you get on your knees while kindly gracing you with the permission to cry.”

“Do you ever not think about sex?” / “Yeah, when I’m asleep. Oh wait, never mind, I’m dreaming about sex.”

“I’m sorry, you want me to sneak into his room and do what?”

“Please don’t speak to me with a dildo sticking out of you.”

“I’m not saying you’re delusional. I’m just saying you’re delusional.”

“Me, an asshole? Only on Tuesdays.”

“No, I don’t want you to fall in love. I want you to get laid. Because you’re annoying me.”

“I’m sorry I hate myself more than I love you.”

“Of course, I have feelings. They’re locked away and I don’t know where the key is.”

“I can, er, explain why it’s that size.”

“You aren’t the most productive member of society, but you aren’t a detriment either, so at least that’s something.”

“I won’t bite unless you want me to.”

“He watched and the hole inside his heart grew bigger, filled with a festering loneliness.”

“Be patient. I’m taking my rings off.”

“Couldn't hurt to fail.”

“But, for once in your life, you were finally greeted by some good-looking deliciousness.”

“I didn't ask for a public relations speech. I asked if you got turned on imagining it.”

“It’s not what it looks like, but it is kind of what it looks like, but I swear it’s mostly not.”

“A little sweet, a bit salty, low-key tastes like cum.”

“Let me get this straight, you opened the door, saw that, and, instead of re-closing the door and leaving like a sane person, you walked in and did what?”

“That’s why I have five kinds of pizza and porn on pay-per-view.”

“Let’s make a secret so I can watch you struggle to keep it.”

“Do you think that just because time has passed that I am immune to struggle? That because you didn’t see me suffer means that it must not exist?”

“That’s it, I’m calling the police, he can’t just show up here looking that illegal.”

“I hate you.” / “Welcome to the club. I’m the president, but I can promote you to vice president as soon as today.”

“I did not come all the way over here to make out with myself. I can do that at home.”

“Okay, I’m done with my shameless slut sonata, what were you saying?”

“There are no rules if no one knows.”

“You chugged down six cups of coffee like it was a blood transfusion.”

“I can’t remember what I said, that was two days ago.” / “We were talking about your balls!”

“Whose dick pic is this and why is it so inspirational?”

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shoutouts! thank you for writing! <3

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updated 20210530

masterpost | nameless drabbles masterpost

#prompt list #writing prompts #bts writing prompt list #bts writing prompts #story prompt #dialogue prompt #fanfic prompt

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deshimango · 4 years ago

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sumaya reviews my roommate is a gumiho

summary: 21 year old university student lee dam accidentally swallows a 999 year old gumiho’s marble which he used to collect human energy to become human before his 1000th birthday. explaining to dam that if a human has the marble for more than a year it will kill them, shin woo yeo asks lee dam to live with him. (basically becoming her sugar d*ddy).

rating: 6.5/10

spoiler warning!

pros

more of a comedy than a drama (for the most part)

the actors have great comedic timing and the editing style adds to the charm

i may be biased because im in love with her but lee dam is a very likeable female lead

the supporting cast, secondary couple and 2nd male lead are all interesting and fun to watch even if you’re not rooting for them

i loved dam’s friend group, especially her dynamic with jae jin bc male-female friendships are not very common

more on jae jin: emotionally available male characters are not common so seeing him be the sensitive and affectionate person in his friend group and relationship was a pleasant surprise

everyone’s nice to look at what can i say, mr gumiho is hot and lee dam is <3 i’m love her and jae jin has a very pretty smile ☺️

cons

the second half the drama is carried mostly by the secondary couple

the pacing and the filler storylines towards the end got tiring and it wasn’t as funny in the later eps which made the show lose its charm a little bit

i didn’t even like seonwoo much and actively disliked him at first but i felt so bad for him getting dragged into the red string of fate drama even though it doesn’t have anything to do with him. they made him suffer and shipped him away and he just wasn’t that bad that he deserved all that y’know

the age gap: i know i signed up for it, it’s a fucking gumiho show i know, but they emphasized it so much it made me even more uncomfortable. “i cant believe i fell for someone so young” and the niece comment was weird and the student-teacher thing was unnecessary and made no sense after the initial “i’m protecting her” reasoning. they dragged it on for absolutely no reason and dam’s friends being okay with it, made it worse.

i know everyone (including me) is blinded by wooyeo’s attractiveness but his behaviour was sometimes creepy and even predatory? following someone around to “protect them” isn’t romantic and i know this is a common trope but that doesn’t make it okay. his eyes glowing red during the kiss was flat out a No from me like?? why?? and talking about it like he was her prey was gross?? like i know some people are into that and good for you but i just am not. him risking dam’s life to be closer to her a little longer was not fun and sexy, and i appreciated her putting herself before him (but she eventually disregarded that so never mind i guess)

would i watch it again: no but maybe like clips of dam and jae jin bc i love them both

overall: i know this is supposed to be a lighthearted show but i try to be critical of media and i really enjoyed the first half of this show but the second half kinda ruined it for me.

#sumaya reviews #my roommate is a gumiho #kdrama #idk how to tag help #i had this in my notes for nearly 2 months lmao

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geekmedium · 4 years ago

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The Will to Fight

So in celebration of One Piece getting ready to release it’s 1000th chapter, I’m spending the next few Sundays until it’s release posting various analysis about scenes that mean a lot to me as a fan. And I figured I’d start with a scene that has been debated by fans for decades now.

Why did Luffy refuse to fight Bellamy?

Many people have given various reasons for this, ranging from “Luffy learned it from Shanks” to “Luffy felt pity for Bellamy” and many more. And all these reasons are perfectly valid, but I think the fandom looks a little too small when talking about this. Instead of looking at just the character’s actions, let’s look at the themes of the story that guide those actions.

In the world of One Piece, willpower is actual power. Not just in the Gurren Lagann way with Haki, but the ability to take action with no hesitation creates an effect in the One Piece world that is tangible and often Earth shaking. You can’t expect to do anything huge if you take half measures. The world of pirates doesn’t allow for second guessing or backpedaling. And this is an important theme, because it is reflected not just in our protagonist’s mentality of living life without regret or hesitation, but in minor characters and marines too.

When Luffy makes a move he is absolutely sure about it. One of the reasons he is so inspiring to people both in and out of universe is because he can be so confident about every decision he makes and action he takes. And while sometimes that can be a flaw (see his fight with Zoro), usually it leads to the accomplishment of the impossible. In short, it’s the kind of will needed to be the King of the Pirates.

But just because he’s rash and impulsive doesn’t mean he’s always ready to throw down. And keep in mind Bellamy isn’t the only time he’s refused to fight back at people attacking him. There was the time when Galley La thought he tried to assassinate Iceburg and attacked him

or when the Amazon Lily warriors were going to kill him, and he only focused on dodging and escape

Rebecca attacking him to try and gain an edge in the gladiatorial fight got a nonchalant response

and of course his refusal to fight Sanji

And many other moments a little too small to mention, like when he ran from the Orange Town villagers attacking him. But all of these have the excuse of being against citizens, allies and nakama. So again, why Bellamy?

Well I think it comes down to the fact that with all of those instances, Luffy would have regretted fighting. Each time he raises his fist, he does it with no fear he is making a mistake, or insecurity that he may be wrong. And as I said, that absolute willpower makes him the man who will change the very world. And so it’s imperative he never do something to someone that he second guesses.

But still, you say, those were all good people and Bellamy’s just an asshole. Very true, he was, but that’s all he was. He wasn’t a brutal dictator, or an evil god, or a Shichibukai manipulating a country to civil war. He was a cocky shit who bit off more than he could chew. And Luffy knew that. He knew it the moment Bellamy showed himself to be a man of no real dreams or ambitions. Because by those same laws of the One Piece world, he would never be anybody. And beating on those weaker than you for no reason would have made Luffy, even if only for a moment, the exact same kind of asshole he has fought against since day 1. He would regret it, and that regret could lead to horrible future decisions.

Let me explain. When he fought against Katakuri, while many people debate the fight, I always felt that in the end, Katakuri’s resolve to fight slowly melted as he recognized Luffy and started hesitating about defending his horrible family. While Luffy knew he was doing right, because he’s never felt for a second that he was wrong. Even when he is doing objectively horrible stuff like releasing prisoners from Impel Down, he never has to question himself and wonder if he’s the bad guy because he’s never taken a single action that would make him think otherwise.

But let’s look at another example. The fight of Luffy vs. Usopp. In the beginning, Luffy is hesitant to fight his nakama and it shows.

But eventually, he gets his resolve again, and completely dominates in the fight. Why? Because he recognizes that though Usopp is much weaker than him, he’s fighting for his beliefs and to not fight with the same resolve would be insulting. And Usopp’s wording above is interesting, because it has a familiar echo to what Zoro said after the Bellamy fight.

To fight such worthless opponents would bring pity. It’s not a worthy battle Luffy would be proud of. It would just be a worthless slaughter he would look back on with regret and leave himself vulnerable with hesitation. And why would this matter? Because what if every time he fought an enemy, he was reminded of this useless fight and hesitated? What if the merciless beatdown he gave Hannyabal was too similar to the one he gave Bellamy? Is he wrong to do this, just like he was wrong to hurt Bellamy? I think on some level, Luffy knew that to fight would invite that kind of regret and hesitation, and realized it wasn’t worth it.

Does that mean Luffy wasn’t pissed to get his ass kicked by some weak, nihilistic pirate? Of course he was, but like Shanks before him, whatever he was feeling at the time, he would get over it. Bellamy wasn’t worth his time or his thoughts and so Luffy would have been happy to dismiss him.

But when Bellamy brought the fight to him again, the circumstances were different. Bellamy wasn’t just an asshole dream mocker. He was a dream crusher. He stole Cricket’s gold and hurt his friends and that sealed the deal. But even then, there was no hatred or even petty revenge in that punch. It was pure righteous anger, and once it was over Luffy never gave it another thought. Which is why later on he was able to befriend Bellamy and gain a potential ally for the future.

Because Luffy doesn’t just fight with no hesitation. He forgives without hesitation too, so long as he’s seen you’ve changed. To hold onto anger and past grievances is as likely to bind you as past trauma and bitterness. And Luffy will never be bound by anything that petty, small and ultimately meaningless. His dream is to be the most free man in the ocean, and he won’t let anyone, much less Bellamy, get in the way of that. Because as Blackbeard said

#One Piece #monkey d. luffy #meta #good writing

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jjpmoans · 5 years ago

Text

Empty Space | kyg

w.c : 9k+ words

warnings : angsts. lots and lots of angsts. cheating. slow build up.

a/n : Happy 1k followers to me! I’d like to thank everyone for following me, staying for my content and my writings. I need to improve more and I am sorry that I’ve not been active. I am still overwhelmed by the 1k followers and it is now at 1.2k followers (OMG 1.2K WHAT DO YOU GUYS FOLLOW ME FOR). Also since I wasn’t active, I figured a drabble game will have less participation from my audience so I decided to personally dm the 1000th follower and asked them what kind of fic and who does they want to be the main lead. Sooooooo, my 1000th follower @luvgyeom requested for a Yugyeom angst, then Yugyeom angst it is! It is quite long (this is my first time writing this long lmao). Please enjoy all the heartbreak. Thankyou for following me again! xoxo

Heavy steps resonate through the sidewalk, together with everyone else. Everyone is either walking home from work, probably catching up with friends or going for a movie. What they are going to do is absolutely not something Yugyeom actually cares about. However, with the things running through his head now, he’d rather wonder about a stranger’s plan rather than sort things out.

It has been sunny for a while now. The heat is bearable; at least to Yugyeom. Or probably he has lost the ability to feel because he doesn’t think he can function really well right now. He is getting nearer to the familiar street and for the n-th time of the week, he sucks in a breath to gain some strength.

He passes the first grocery and the roasted chestnut smell from the stall hits him immediately, staggering his step. It rings in his head how you would beg him to stop for some chestnut when he was struggling to hold your groceries. Even if he wanted to say no, the pout on your face will melt him completely. He’d give in, watching you skip steps joyfully towards the stall. Living close to the area has made you a regular, the old grandma will give you extra chestnuts because she thought you’re pretty.

Yugyeom thinks you are, too.

“Oh! You’re here!” like on cue, the said old woman calls him, motioning him to come closer. “I thought you had moved away! You stopped coming for weeks now!”. She quickly gathers some freshly roasted chestnuts because that’s how you like your chestnuts. Fresh.

There are reasons why Yugyeom wanted to say no whenever you stopped for chestnuts. Because he doesn’t eat them. He can’t stand the taste. Until you came. You came and suddenly roasted chestnuts became his favourite. No, actually, you’re his favourite.

He loves you. You love chestnuts. He loves chestnuts.

Yugyeom sighs, now he is adding the smell of chestnut to his ‘dislike’ list. Roasted chestnut now makes him dizzy, clouded by the memory of you. He doesn’t even want to meet someone that reminds him of you, which is why he has avoided the route several times.

However, humans have weaknesses and at times Yugyeom feels like malfunctioning without enough dosage of you. Is this what addiction tastes like? It was pure torture, haunted by countless memories which tastes bitter in his mouth but sweet in his mind. It’s like a combination of life, where Yugyeom thought you’re the one he’d spend his life with forever but it turns out you weren’t meant to be his. He was angry at you, he was trying to deny the fact that you too, have weaknesses. But at times like this, he misses you and he just wants you in his arms.

“Yugyeom?” the old grandma calls. He snaps out of his own thoughts, pulling out his wallet to pay. The grandma holds his hand instead, warmness spreads through the touch. She smiles, shaking her head. “Bring this to her. Fights are common, sweetheart. That’s how love works. But you fight for it, you don’t run away. That’s how you save your relationship.”

If it is that simple, he would have ran to your arms long ago. Where it was just a few days; probably a few hours. But it has been far too late, he has broken countless rules made when he dated you. Nonetheless, on days where he found himself in a stranger’s arms, he knew he won’t find the same love that you’ve provided him with.

Because you’re perfect.

You’re perfect and he took you for granted. He knew you were loyal so he went around flirting, cheating behind you. He knew you love him; you will never leave him. He knew sooner or later you’ll find out about him but he didn’t care less. He knew you love him too much to break up with him.

But he never knew what strength can do to a woman.

“Don’t you think it’s time to stop pretending?” your voice was low, Yugyeom didn’t think he had ever heard your tone as cold as that. But he played dumb, asking you what’s wrong. “Why do you think I won’t find you sleeping around behind my back?”

Yugyeom met you when he was still someone who sleeps around. He was in a group of friends who don’t do relationships and only commit one when they’re ready to hold responsibilities. He had warned you before that he is, and will be someone who cheats because he simply can’t leave his old habit. But you stayed nonetheless, trying to get him out of his lifestyle.

And it worked. It worked out and it freaked Yugyeom out when he felt that he started changing for you. He never lingered too long whenever he was out with his friend because he was ready to go home to you. He never realised that until Jinyoung pointed it out. He never drank too much after meeting you, even though his alcohol tolerance is high because he knew you don’t like him reek of alcohol when he came home.

He learnt about you and had your personal preference memorized at the back of his hand. He knew all your likes and dislikes that it scared him when he felt the change. It threw him off the momentum and like a gear, he reversed his life to where before he met you. He never thought he’d fall in love with you and he never thought he’d change for you.

He was mad and he was scared.

The day he gave up messing around was the day you broke up with him. Yugyeom decided that the lifestyle doesn’t suit him anymore; that he loves you too much to sleep with other people. He can’t see other women without thinking about you but as life always works, you sniff things out way before he can explain.

When Yugyeom walked out of the shared apartment, he told himself he won’t regret leaving. He knew he wasn’t worth your love, your loyalty and your dedication. He knew, you can end up with someone better, someone who cherishes your love, someone who isn’t him.

“Are you good?” Youngjae nudges him with a can of beer, Yugyeom smiles in return. Never would he have thought that he would hate drinking. He refuses every drink that came his way and everyone started freaking out when they found out that you broke up with him.

“Are you fucking crazy?” Bam, was the first to curse, fist almost meeting his face. Bam, his own best friend. He was utterly disgusted, refusing to listen to Yugyeom’s explanation. “It’s good she left you. You’re fucking ungrateful, cheating on someone as angelic and as patient as her. I am embarrassed to call you my own friend.”

“Yeah, I’m good.” he replies, eyes lingering on his group of friends talking to each other, being ignorant to how the world revolves. Jinyoung told him that love works in a different way and now he wants to scoff, the elder must be proud if he knows that Yugyeom indeed, acknowledge his words now. “Just feeling empty.”

Yugyeom knows, you’re the only person that fits well in his heart. He knows that you’re the missing piece, the one that is supposed to solve the puzzle. He knows it but he can’t tell them, his friends. They won’t understand and Yugyeom doesn’t have the energy to fight again, hearing things he will just get blamed.

Nights are the most difficult of all for Yugyeom. Climbing on his bed is another story, he loathes himself whenever he starts thinking when you were once in his arms. He would snuggle you to sleep, your head on his chest while you hugged him.

Never had he thought break ups would be this torturous. Never had he thought he would be this affected; going through this phase is absolutely the worst. Never had he, Kim Yugyeom, felt this weak for a woman.

Staring at the ceiling of his bedroom, Yugyeom finds himself drawing the digit 8 with his eyes when his phone buzzes on the side table, bringing him to reality. Three in the morning, probably Jaebeom is texting him to pick them all up since he is the only sober one. So he picks the phone up, opening them to read the texts.

‘Hey.. I miss you. Can we talk?’ had Yugyeom in a panic attack, right after that an incoming call buzzes, ringing for five seconds before he picks it up.

Silence is probably the worst torture Yugyeom could feel now. It is devastating, knowing you’re on the other side, probably crying because of his stupid ass.

“Yugyeom..” your voice falters, awakens the guilt in him. “Oh god I’m so sorry. I can’t- I miss you. I’m sorry.”

Yugyeom smiles, hushing you to calm down.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” Yugyeom replies. “I miss you too.”

“I know I don’t have that kind of right to tell you that.”

“But I really really miss you.”

Yugyeom knows, this will probably be the last conversation before you fully move on, leaving him behind. But he also hopes, you will at least, feel his love before totally erasing him out of your life.

Because for once, he needs you to know that only you can fill these empty spaces.

In Yugyeom’s life, he has never felt as empty as he is now. Mainly he was happy, ‘was’ is the keyword because right now, he feels nothing. Your departure brought along his entire emotion since you’re the person who’s in charge of it. You are the person whom he has dedicated all his life for. You’re the reason why he breathes everyday, looking forward to the rest of his day. Waking up to you is one of the views that sparks the light in his heart.

Cheating on you was his fault.

It was and will forever be his fault. Your departure serves as a reminder to him that he is not worthy of your love and will never be worthy of it. When you were right there by his side, he frequently hesitated to show his love towards you. People say it’s because he’s still young but he knows, he was just too egoistic to show his emotion. He never showed you off in public because he was too proud to have someone loyal by his side. He knew you were grateful enough for his affection, those where he showed them to you behind the closed doors.

However he knows, you deserve more than just being a trophy girlfriend. You are brilliant, excellent and everything he should have been bragging about. But he didn’t do it. He didn’t brag about you and he has lost that chance entirely.

From the moment he saw you smiling with your friend in a dimly lit club, his heart clenched and that’s when he realised, he has lost you.

The night where both of you were vulnerable, Yugyeom still remembers every bit of it. You were crying, sobbing in pain as you vent your frustration on him. He could make out the figure of you clutching your chest, tears streaming down your pink cheeks, dropping down to your wet pillow. The image alone hurts him to the core.

“I’m so sorry.” he says into the receiver. Your heart drops at his apology. A part of you wants him to not apologise, that it makes you more vulnerable and will probably run into his arms again. “I’m sorry for cheating behind you. I have no explanation and I deserve you breaking up with me.”

You want to stop him from talking but all you can do is cry, writhing in silent pain. You know Yugyeom loves you. Or so you thought. Years of your relationship has tricked you into a specific mantra that you have been hypnotised with, the assurance that he loves you. Till that day you keep wanting to believe that you are his everything, the only girl he let into his life and hopefully the last.

Leaving Yugyeom was…painful. It has ripped off your lung, knowing the fact the man you’ve been blindly in love with, was sleeping around behind you. Epiphany hit and the excruciating pain left you speechless. The mantra that kept you together broke, shattering with your future that you have pictured with him. The trust was no longer there, you refused to trust him anymore. For what, really? To make you even more miserable? Knowing that you trusted him too much for him to play your heart like some insignificant thing in his life?

So you leave. You love him and you wanted to hear some explanation of how he messed things up. But you needed to leave. You don’t want him to take your love for granted. You wanted to give him a chance but right now, your heart is in pain. You can’t share your man, you just can’t. You can’t accept him for cheating because never in your life, you would accept a cheater.

Love has made you blind and you want to avoid becoming one.

“Maybe it’s not now,” he said. “I’ll court you again in the future. I’ll gain your trust and I’ll make sure I earned it right.”

“I’ll make myself deserve your love.”

Two years and Yugyeom feels like his life is catching up again. He moved on from the break-up almost a year later, where he figured that life is teaching him how to appreciate people. He changed from a young boy to a mature man, finding a permanent job and wearing proper attire. Funny how he almost sees Jinyoung in him. His friends think the same, he starts to look more proper, more presentable. He is no longer the Yugyeom from two years ago. He left everything in the past to be himself now. He wanted a change, a solid reason to become your man again.

Fate, of course, works differently on both of you. While Yugyeom soars up high, you have become more miserable than you can be. Days and nights are a blur to you, save for those times when you’re at work. Two years made you a zombie, clouded by all ‘what ifs’ and ‘whys’. What if you hadn’t left? What if you stayed? What if you give him a chance?

You questioned your every move, of why you never asked him the reason he cheated and of why you chose to run away instead of facing the problem head on.

There is only one reason why.

It’s painful to swallow but you still love him.

A combination of blind and fools, that is what you are. You know this is the hardest pill to swallow, the hardest confession you have yet to make to your friends. Whenever they asked you if you’re interested to start dating again, you pushed them away by saying you’re busy with work. You have seen their side eyes and snickers, you know they knew about the truth.

Kim Yugyeom will always and forever be the only man you’ll set your eyes on.

The first time in two years, your eyes found his. Amidst the crowd, you found him, ash grey and heavy lids. You knew it from the first glance, the way your eyes immediately attracted to that shape of his.You always love those eyes, cheeky and full of enthusiasm.

However that day, you found confident eyes, a little bit tired but still a strong gaze. You know he met yours too because the next second you find his eyes dilated, diverting the contact. A sharp tug in your heart brought you to reality, shaking you from your mindless dream.

Why?

Doesn’t he miss you? Doesn’t he suffer the same way as you did? Has he moved on? Has he?

You’re enraged by the thought, a string of curses left your mouth while you walk home in tears. However as you hit the shower, you felt yourself relaxing under the warm rain. Then you realise that you’re relieved to see him. You’re relieved to know he’s alive and healthy without you. It’s a lie if you didn’t feel hurt. A part of you wanted to see him miserable as you are but at the same time you were thankful that he managed to live without you. Between the two of you, you’re the mature one while Yugyeom couldn’t even cook instant noodles with the stove. He is more to hot water instant noodles. So when you find him breathing and alive, you have a tiny jealousy in your heart knowing he is better off without you. You guess this is better, parting ways and not existing in each other’s life.

Unknowingly, you find yourself walking through the same route every other day of the week, looking forward to chances that you could probably meet him, even just a quick glance. On your third day, you realise that this is the old route you used to go shopping with him, the one where you always buy your roasted chestnut.

You went home crying, sobbing into the pillow as it swallowed your tears away.

The next day, you still walk on the same route, stronger than before.

Days become weeks.

Weeks become months.

You never stop, holding to that thin rope of hope to meet him again. Each day you walk through the same route at the same time you met him months ago, wishing that he will be there, probably just standing there and quirk a smile.

Just knowing that he acknowledges you is already fine. You just need that.

Yugyeom knows you’re there.

He knows it.

He met your chestnut, tired eyes. You looked like – dare he say – miserable. His stomach churned at the possibilities that you may probably haven’t moved on from him, still trapped in the same heartbreak he caused you two years ago. He saw you first, when you were dragging your feet against the bricked floor not giving any attention to your front. It felt like his eyes were glued to you, your beauty kept him stunned; no really, he just missed you. He felt his heart did a little flip when you swatted your hair away from your face, a gesture whenever you were irritated but still keeping that long hair because Yugyeom loves it. He kept watching you walk until you spotted your favourite roasted chestnut stall, the same old stall. Then your eyes suddenly caught his, making him flustered, flying away from your figure.

For the last two years, Yugyeom kept finding himself in a position where he wanted to have you all to himself, selfishly thinking to end his own suffering. He even went to the extent of calculating a plan to win you over, to kneel and to beg for you.

“You think she’ll take you back?” Yugyeom hated it when Jinyoung questioned his every move. He hated that Jinyoung always sounded right, always taking on your side instead of his. “Why do you think she left you in the first place?”

“Stop trying to bring me down.” he hated when Jinyoung was right.

“You don’t understand!” Jinyoung’s voice thundered, breaking through the silent apartment. “You don’t fucking understand why!”

Jinyoung has no reason to be mad to start with. However Yugyeom’s attempts at winning you over again made him seethed in anger, trying to set the poor boy straight.

“You don’t understand that she didn’t leave because she hated you. She was hurt. You fucking hurt her. You cheated on her and yet you wanted her to accept you back?” Yugyeom ran his eyes from Jinyoung’s, only to land on Bambam’s. That man was no longer his friend the day he revealed how you left him.

“Let’s put it this way, Gyeom-ah.” Apparently Youngjae is the calmer one hence he was with the right mind to put some good words inside Yugyeom’s brain. The other two were still angry, refusing to talk without a string of curse words. “You love one girl. You are crazy about her, you are willing to sacrifice everything for her.”

“I do love her-”

“Then one day, you came home to know that she’s been cheating behind your back. She had another man behind you, god knows how many men she has been sleeping with.”

“I didn’t sleep with them-”

Jinyoung beat him to it, punctuating each word. “Does she know?”

“Doesn’t it hurt you when the one that holds your trusts, betrays you?” Youngjae sat in front of him, patting his shoulder. “Doesn’t it hurt you?”

From that day he vowed to be better, to stop playing around and to start all over again.

“How could I make her love me again, hyung?” was one of frequent questions that he’s thrown to his friends. “How could I make her fall for me all over again?”

Mark was definitely the most sane of all, scooting closer to calm the broken boy. “Be a man, Yugyeom. Fix yourself. Fix the old you. Man up and explain yourself. Don’t hope for her to accept you back. Explain yourself and let the time decide.”

That was the reason he changed. He has long given up trying to make you fall into his arms again, however he wanted you to know what happened. You deserve an explanation. You deserve to know what happened and what should have happened. Each day the guilt weighed him to no end. At times he felt suffocated, being chased by the old memories, fragments of that day haunted him over and over again.

Yugyeom had never wanted to hug someone so much after he made eye contact with you that day.

He went home to Bambam, crying over the sadness bottling up his lungs. His fear came to reality, seeing you completely lost in the sea of people. He has totally broken you into pieces and he shall be the one putting you up again.

“Why are you avoiding her?” Jaebeom asks, watching Yugyeom lost in his own thought, his eyes staring into space. “What harm would you bring if you meet her?”

It has been known to his group of friends that Yugyeom met you again at the crosswalk and you are waiting for him every day. You hadn’t realised but his friends were there too, each day when you peered to see his shadow at the same spot like last time. His friends saw you whipped your head left and right, then when you can’t see him, your shoulder would slump and you would walk home like how you usually do.

Sad, broken, helpless.

“Go fix her, Gyeom-ah.” Jackson advises. “Things are getting worse for her. You need to be responsible for this. Don’t run from the problem. Face it. You’re a man.”

Yugyeom looks away from the mindless stare, focusing his vision on his hyungs. “What if I fuck up again? What if I made her fall for me and I fuck up again?”

“I never told you to make her fall again.” Jaebeom bent closer, patting the younger man on his head. “Fix her. Then let her decide. Don’t take advantage of her. Fix her. She’s broken. Help her realise that her life isn’t worth being pathetic for you.”

“Ouch.” Jaebeom smiles, rubbing circles on Yugyeom’s shoulder. “I’m proud of how far you have come. You have us but she has no one, Gyeom-ah. Help her fix herself as strong as you are. Then let her decide if you are worth accepting again.”

“Can I have it like usual?” the old grandma smiles, her hand is busy packing you a bag of roasted chestnut and honey coated chestnut. Your inside jumps at the delicious smell of your food, giddy to go home and devour them. Months ago you passed the route for Yugyeom. Today you passed the route for your old chestnut stall.

Securing the package, the old grandma proceeds to hand you the food with the change. While you busy yourself keeping the change, she clears her throat. “You look happy today.”

The statement makes you exclaim a small oh! before giving her a curious look.

Instead of replying, she laughs and starts cleaning her station. “It has been quite long since you stopped buying my chestnuts.”

“I guess the young man and you have parted ways?” she asks.

The question punches your gut, causing your bottle of emotion to shake and start making a mess inside you. It has been known to your circle about your break-up but to a stranger like the old grandma? Of course this hits you hard, knowing that a stranger managed to sniff your relationship like that.

She looks up when you don’t respond, offering a sweet apologetic smile. “I’m sorry if I offended you sweetheart. I saw you happy today, so I thought you’d move on from the young man.”

You didn’t actually blame her, she used to be fond of Yugyeom. Every time you stopped to buy, she would squeal at how nice and handsome Yugyeom is, much to Yugyeom’s liking. You guess that is a common thing to ask, since it has been two years and now you came alone.

“I guess we are not meant together, grandma.” you force a reply out of you, knowing that it probably hurt the old woman if you stayed silent. “We parted ways long ago.”

She hums, watching you dearly. “Do you love him, sweetheart?”

A mere question bursts a thousand emotions, that’s how your tears broke. You nod furiously, unable to contain the sadness anymore. You feel like a useless fool, you have no idea how Yugyeom has so much control in your life that once he’s out of your sight you’ve become this fragile.

She pulls you into her arms, giving you a comforting, motherly-hug. You don’t know if it helps because you feel so small in her arms and you cry your heart out, tired of bottling everything in. You wanted someone to talk to, but your friends won’t understand. They will continue to call you a weak person, someone who still loves a cheater like Yugyeom. You wanted to tell them that you are indeed a fool but you need them to stand back up again.

“Stop crying sweetheart.” she says softly. “I can see you love him so much. Why don’t you fight for your relationship?”

To that you cry even harder, countless ‘what ifs’ hits you again full force. Are you the one to be blamed in this situation? Are you the one who stopped fighting for your relationship? Why would you hold him back if he went around cheating while having you by his side? You are a human too, you can’t share what is yours.

“I don’t know the problem between you two, sweetheart. But what holds you from moving on is because you still have regrets.” she strokes your hair, calming you down. “Talk to him. Vent out your frustration. Let him know that you are not okay with this.”

She wipes away your tears-stained face, giving you an encouraging smile. “Then you can be at ease. You will feel better. You will, sweetheart.”

Words can’t describe how nervous you are, sitting in front of Yugyeom after two years. He looks equally nervous, a different kind of nervous. He looks like he’s afraid that you might break down - which you probably would - and he doesn’t know what to do. So after gulping your saliva for the nth time, you clear your throat, attempting to sort everything out.

If you guys are going to stay silent like this then this meeting won’t ease your mind.

“I’m sorry.” left you gaping, heart drumming at an intense rate. You watch Yugyeom’s Adam Apple bobs, arranging his words. “I am sorry for everything I did to you.”

You can’t say no, because indeed, he was the one to blame. “It wasn’t my intention.” he darts his panic eyes to you, licking his lips to continue, “to cheat. It was never an intention to cheat.”

You inwardly scoff, unbelievably irritated by his explanation. It wasn’t intentional? So like- what, he lost control of himself and suddenly made out with some random woman? It makes no sense and because it doesn’t; your irritation becomes more visible.

“What? You mean ‘oh I lost control of my limbs and suddenly a woman was riding me’? Disgusting.” you spat out words without thinking, your heart aches more than you can ever give him your empathy. You are disgusted with him.

As bad as your words come out, he stays collected; even more surprising to you. He shakes his head, leaning closer to the table that separates both of you. “No, I don’t mean it that way.”

“I never intended to cheat. Not because I got bored of you nor because I feel like cheating. I didn’t-” he doesn’t miss how your eyes narrow at his explanation, still feeling disgusted as he refused to come clean. “I didn’t sleep with anyone.”

‘Unbelievable-”

“Think what you want to, but I never slept with anyone when and after we dated. I admit I went clubbing and made out with some women,” he grimaces as he remembers the vague image in his head, “But I never bed them.”

“Never bed them?”

“I can’t. You are everywhere and I felt like I was committing a huge sin.”

“Technically, you were.” you can’t help but blurt it out.

“Yes. The worst sin I had ever committed.”

You feel your throat dries, knowing this is the time for you to ask him. This is the time for you to find out the truth. This is where your future lies. His answer will determine how your misery ends. This is where your curiosity will be answered and you feel yourself chickening out from this conversation. What if he breaks your heart again, reminding you how dumb you were, breaking things between you two without listening to him first?

However there is no way you’re running out of this restaurant. You’re here and you need to admit that no matter how dumb you were, you and him were over. A broken glass can’t be put back again so you decide to screw it. Timidly, you hang your head low and manage to let out a small but clear word. “Then..why?”

In return you heard Yugyeom scoffing, laughing to himself and stopped. That’s it. He’s about to make fun of you, saying how you are so clouded with your own conclusion and emotion, how you are always the one that overthinks, that you’re the reason why you break up.

Amidst your inner banter, you tip your head curiously and instantaneously your heart stops at how his face changes. You can see right through him, his pain and his misery. His face holds so much regret that you can almost feel the pain in his heart.

You can see the real Yugyeom, broken and in pain.

“I was stupid, y/n.” he says.

“I was stupid, I was scared. God I was so so stupid.” he repeats again, one after another. “I was scared because I started changing into someone I don’t know.”

“I dated you for just one year and I changed from a free boy to a committed boy. I was committed to our relationship and it scared me how I changed in a split second because of you.” he pauses to inhale a suffocating breath, painfully stabbing him through his lungs. “I was pathetic. I was so scared seeing how dependent I’ve been to you and I feel like you could control me with just a snap of your finger.”

You fall into silence, shaken by his confession.

However, silence was never Yugyeom’s favourite; yours top everything. He was scared to explain because he knows it will look unreasonable and pathetic in your eyes. He knows it is, judging by how ridiculous you’re looking at him now.

“So..you slept around because you were scared of changing?” the tone of your voice changes, exactly as cold as Yugyeom could remember, just the exact tone from the day things fall apart between you.

His head drops again, voice coming out with hesitation. “It sounds ridiculous, yes it does. But you don’t understand how scared I was. I was becoming someone under your control. It was weird because I usually have everything under my control. I wasn’t used to being under someone’s spell and it blinded me to the point where I don’t feel as happy as I was when hanging out with my friend just because you weren’t there.”

“Then I thought that’s probably because I hang out with you too much. I’ve become dependent on you, I thought that was totally ridiculous when Bambam told me that’s because I’m in love with you.”

His shoulder jolts when he lets out a forced laugh. “Me? Capable of loving? Love wasn’t in my dictionary back then, y/n. I was messing around and it threw me off guard when Bam mentioned that. Love? What kind of love would I be able to give you? I was a boy, I have nothing but a simple life. I wasn’t ready for commitment but you made me fall deeper for you.”

“So I messed up. Like how Kim Yugyeom would, I messed up.” for the first time since he spoke, he looked you straight in the eyes. “It took me two weeks to realise that ‘shit, I’m in love with y/n’ and another one week to get my shit together, thinking of how I should break it to you.”

You’ve been listening attentively to his explanation, the gears in your head moved rapidly, overlapping one issue with another.

‘So for one year he didn’t love me?’

‘But he did. Just he didn’t realise.’

‘But he needed three weeks to realise when he’s been with me for one year?’

‘He was confused, y/n.’

“What,” you inhale, composing yourself. “happened the day we broke up?”

You found out about him a few days before you broke up. One of your acquaintances kept hinting to you about your relationship. When she got unbearable that you can’t hold it anymore, you confronted her for the issue. To say that you were surprised, you weren’t entirely surprised. You were more disappointed than surprised. You don’t understand why.

“I guess I wasn’t careful. I don’t care for what if someone saw me because like I said, I thought I should take a break from you and back to my life before I met you.”

“Probably she was one of the women I danced with or I kissed-” he grimaces again. “I don’t know. I was ready to come home to you and make up for what I did.”

Silence falls between both of you again, unsure of what to say. It’s too much to absorb; at least to you. You have a lot to ask him but they disappear the moment Yugyeom shows you the whole picture. Now that you heard his explanation, your brain starts working more questions but unrelated to previous questions.

What now? What do you do? You heard his confession, you resolved your frustration. It turns out Yugyeom was a big idiot and it costs your relationship to make him realise that life isn’t all simple.

Your eyes dart to the man before you, hesitating to ask the real question. You know how much he broke you. You weren’t ready to hear that he moved on, but you wanted to know if you were to make a stupid move, you need to know what he feels about you.

“Do you…” you trail off, unsure how to put it. Yugyeom’s attention perks at your halt, watching you slowly shifting into panic mode. “Have you ever once..”

“Love me?” you feel small, you feel rejected. You always feel that when you’re with Yugyeom, you know how insecure you were when it comes to him. His view meant a lot to you and you guess after years, you haven’t changed. You still seek for his validation and that’s when you realise you have very little self-confidence.

Instead of scoffing like how you thought, Yugyeom offers a sweet smile, his eyes however, don’t shine as sweet as his smile. “I do, y/n.”

“I never stopped loving you, if that’s what you were wondering.”

He stops at that, making you wonder what’s wrong. He never stopped loving you. So? No continuation?

He laughs, leaning back to sip his chocolate drink. “I can hear your thoughts, y/n. I know you’re overthinking and you are irritated.”

“I never stopped loving you. But I don’t know if I’m worth your love again.”

“I have done a lot of damage to you, one of which is destroying your future without properly explaining what happened. I saw your shoulder slumped and I never saw that smile again.”

He grins, however it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I think I shall no longer exist in your life, y/n.”

You almost wanted to argue but he stops you with his next sentence. “I don’t want me to influence your life. You’re beautiful, y/n. You’re beautiful and you’re a confident woman once upon a time ago. That’s why I was attracted to you before. However dating me changed you into an insecure woman; I am sorry about that.”

“I don’t want you to consider accepting me again because you love me. No, I don’t want you to do that. I need you to remember that this man has broken you once and probably will break you again in the future. I want you to build yourself again, no not for me but for you. For your own sake. I know you always seek my validation which I enjoyed when we dated but I realised it has degraded your worth.”

Sincerity keeps pouring out of him and you feel your eyes become teary, then the next second you feel them running down your cheeks. “You are worth much more than my validation. You don’t need my validation nor me. You need yourself, you need to love yourself for you to be able to build yourself stronger.”

“Please don’t cry,” Yugyeom’s hand moves to hold yours, only to retreat back to his side. “I love you, y/n. Please remember that. But I can’t let myself stop you from finding yourself back. I don’t want you to be my slave because you love me. You need to build yourself again. I don’t want to be a distraction to you.”

“But I want you back in my life.” you choke on a sob, excruciating pain shoots through you. Yes you’re being dumb because he is right, you need to find yourself. You lost yourself right when you dated Yugyeom so you do need to rebuild yourself. However, losing Yugyeom for the second time, you don’t know if you’re ready for that.

For once he reached over to hold your hand in his, covering your tiny fist with his huge palm. “One day, y/n. If fate wants us to stay together, we’ll stay together. I’ll make myself worthy of your love again.”

“Just not now, sweetheart.” your eyes shut tight, releasing more and more tears. He’s right. He’s right and you hate how right he sounds. “I’ll wait patiently for you. I’ll wait for you to mend yourself, I’ll wait for you to accept me back.”

“But when?” you’re not going to give up. You want assurance, you want to know that Yugyeom will be there when you succeed in finding yourself.

“Soon, sweetheart. When you are ready, when your heart is ready. When fate is ready, I’ll be there to prove my worth.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

Soon, is an indefinite promise. Soon changes from weeks to months, months to years.

You stopped counting days after the sixth month, seeing you gained no difference in yourself, only looking forward to running into Yugyeom’s arms back again. You lied to yourself, saying you’ll find yourself when you’re with him. For months, you lied, desperately holding to that promise Yugyeom did during your last meeting. You assured yourself that you’ll change and he’ll come back sooner than you think.

On one random day, the string inside you snapped and suddenly everything hit you that Yugyeom was saying goodbye to you, he was ready to leave you. You cried for hours, angry and mad at how he played you. He coaxed you into believing that he’ll take you back when you change but deep down he knew that you won’t change. He knew that you will stubbornly lie to yourself because that’s how you did two years back. That’s how you lived after he walked out of your life, lying to yourself since that’s what you know the best.

Eight months and you saw a pattern changed in your lifestyle. You started sleeping early, giving your body enough sleep for the day. You started eating breakfast, something you’ve considered a few times but you always wake up late and rush to work. You started going out for a walk in the evening, tired of being trapped in the same apartment.

Walking alone was so cold, so boring and reminded you of old times. On impulse you detoured to a shelter one day, adopting a dog.

She is a small golden retriever, around 3 months old, active and very clingy. Adopting her helps you relax, focusing every single problem only on her, no other things. She, after weeks living with you, is finally called Chestnut. You laugh at yourself after you named her, so much for the originality.

Living with Chessy is everything you’ve needed. She helps you discipline, soon you fall into a routine that you yourself didn’t realise. Chessy is easy to take care, though quite fussy and picky with people. She doesn’t particularly like strangers and only warming up to people she’s chosen to warm up to, which is now, only three people. You, your mom and your dad. You never take it as a problem since you don’t really associate with other people anyways. Chessy’s behaviour also helps you at times where you want your co-workers out of your sight, she will bark at them immediately to chase them away.

Chessy becomes a part of you, someone who makes you look forward to coming home.

Soon has turned into three years, you changed into a more independent woman, leaving your old self behind. In the span of three years, you resigned, leaving your toxic coworkers and friends to a new workplace. You enjoy yourself, surrounded with a new and positive environment. Your current boss is everything you wanted, keep giving his employees chances to grow and soar high.

You, driven by the new environment, escalated your self esteem pretty quick, making you braver and stronger day by day. Your colleagues help in building your confidence, always there to guide you to be better. In short, you feel your life falling into the right places.

Perhaps this was what Yugyeom said.

Finding yourself is the best thing you’d ever achieve in your life. You never feel so happy than right now, where you feel that you can breathe easily without something weighing you down. Perhaps this was what Yugyeom wanted you to feel, before finding him again. This new version of you is unbreakable, built with much self-love and respect.

This version of you indeed, feels alive.

Fifth year and you’re living as a completely new person, someone easy-going and social. You’re still you, but a better version. Your fashion changes, your lifestyle changes and your mindset changes. You believe that everything happens for a reason, that you probably know what it is sooner or later. You believe that every decision and every step you take, you must be held accountable. You should not regret and dwell on that decision if it turns out wrong, but you’ll improve yourself to be better. And that includes making a wise decision.

You never have to ask for someone’s validation anymore. Your work, your decision, your mind. What you plan is what you’ll do. You’ve changed your working style and you have to admit, it is easier right now. You’re confident and always ready, it lessens the stress in you.

You never thought you’d arrive at this point.

Yugyeom was right.

After years being mad at him for standing you up, you finally agree that what he did was right.

It will be impossible for you to be at this point if he’s by your side, clouding your every decision. You’ll fall into the same routine again, you will never get to build yourself and act as your own person.

Sky decides that it’s a perfect time to cry and here you are, sitting with Chessy in your lap, nuzzling into your warmth. Your new apartment gives you a window with a ledge, a perfect place for you when you need your thoughts to run wild. You always use it to your fullest, especially on rainy days where you stay indoor, enjoying the warmth of your apartment.

Running your hand through her fur, you wonder.

‘Where are you at, Yugyeom-ah?’

The smell of coffee has always made you calm. You don’t know why but there are two smells that calm you. Coffee and Yugyeom. You smile, shaking your thoughts away as the cashier hands you your change. Your attention shifts to Chessy, who’s waiting outside of the coffee shop since she can’t come in. You’re on your usual evening walk with Chessy, a routine you won’t miss whenever weekend comes. Chessy enjoys a walk and so do you.

When your buzzer vibrates, you quickly get your coffee and that’s when your attention falls again on Chessy, sniffing a stranger’s hand outside the shop. Your heart thumps at the possibility that the person would kidnap Chessy; not that it would be possible since Chessy can bark really loud but you can’t be so sure, so you quicken your step outside, only to see Chessy shaking hands with a man in a checkered shirt.

“Chessy!” instantaneously, you exclaim, wondering how weird Chessy is, being kind to strangers.

Both your dog and the man jolt in surprise, you realise how he stiffens after you call out Chessy’s name. His outline seems familiar, a rush of cold air passes and you’re stunned at how easily your mind can recognise him.

The broad shoulders, the baseball cap, the checkered shirt, the worn-out jeans.

The scent.

“Chessy.” he repeats, cooing and patting your dog. “A sweet name for a cute dog like you, right sweetheart?”

“Your mom must be good at picking names.” he smiles, standing up from Chessy to face you.

“Yugyeom.” Just like that, memories from five years ago hit you, playing scenes after scenes in your head.

“Y/n.” he breathes out your name and your heart skips a beat, knowing how much you miss him. “I’m sorry. I don’t know she’s your dog. She’s so cute, obediently waiting outside the shop so I wanted to greet her.”

He grins at Chessy, who’s now by your side, wagging her tail happily.

You’re still stunned but you shall not show that you are, so you swallow your overwhelmness to respond.

“It’s okay. She likes you.”

His face lightens up, darting his eyes to Chessy. “Really? You like me?”

His whole behaviour screams your old Yugyeom but deep down you know, he’s not yours. You are still overwhelmed to meet him but as he said, fate will decide on it. You don’t search for him and you think he doesn’t search for you too. You think that’s just how fate wants you to meet. You have a lot to ask him.

How have you been? Did you do well? Do you know that I moved? Did you know that I changed my workplace? Have you been healthy?

All that stuff. You just want to catch a conversation, to be updated about him.

Your cheeks lift up, stretching a smile on your face. However it lasts shortly before you remember that he’s not supposed to touch Chessy.

“Wait. You shook hands with her just now?”

“Yes? Why?”

“You’re not supposed to!” you fuss, panicking. “You have allergies, remember? Oh my god why would you touch her?”

At that Yugyeom laughs. He laughs and your entire body stops functioning. It’s been too long since you heard him laughing and you want to capture his laugh in your mind in case fate decides that you shall no longer cross path after this.

“Why are you laughing?” you’re breathless but you are still worried. Why would he laugh? This is a serious situation. Yugyeom’s allergies hit quite hard before and he could be bedridden if he didn’t take his meds quickly.

“I’m okay with her fur. I am allergic but only to a certain type of fur.” he bends down to pat her again, before giving you an apologetic smile. “I need to go.”

“Oh.” you don’t intend your gasp to be that obvious but probably you wanted him to stay longer. It’s too short for five years. “I’m sorry for taking your time.”

He smiles and shakes his head. “No, y/n. I’m glad I met you.”

“Perhaps we can catch up again.”

“How?”

He starts walking backward, eyes promising another meeting. “Like how today happens.”

Funny how five years you’ve been in the neighbourhood, you had never once met Yugyeom, coincidentally or accidentally. Probably you’ve been busy with work, with the newest project that kept you at work even on weekends. However since it was submitted last week, you have some free time to yourself and are able to take a walk during the weekend.

And then you met Yugyeom again the next two weeks.

He was out for a jog and you were on your routine, bringing Chessy for a walk. Days passed and you felt your schedules synchronised, every time you’re out for a walk, he’s out for a jog too. It feels too real to be true that you start making all sorts of assumptions in your head.

“I think you’re stalking me.” was the first thing you said to Yugyeom after you met him for the fourth time. “It’s impossible that I met you every time I am out with Chessy!”

He laughed as you kept accusing him for stalking you, before replying “Maybe I’m just interested in Chessy. Right, sweetheart?”

Chessy barked happily, siding with Yugyeom even more.

Fourth becomes fifth, and fifth becomes tenth.

You decided that you don’t have an issue with your schedules synchronised so you start adjusting to the change, to the extent of having coffee with him after your walk.

“I think it’s just useless if I were to have chocolate every time after I went for a jog.” Yugyeom sips on his drink, almost spluttering his chocolate drink when he meets your judging eyes. He cracks up as you try not to stab him with your straw.

“Is it my fault then? I never forced you to drink with me!”

“You did.” he points out. “You asked me ‘do you want to have some drink?’”

“I asked if you want to, not that you are obligated too.” you roll your eyes, sipping your own coffee. “Chessy, your admirer is so annoying.”

Yugyeom chuckles, setting down his drink on the table. “You don’t force me. I just want to.”

That statement skips your heart a beat, however you did not press on it. You let it flow, savoring your friendship. You decide that it is the best if you stay as friends first, there is no need to get into a relationship where both of you might screw up again. You need to build a strong foundation first, before taking the responsibility.

Your weekend meetings continue, both of you start updating on your life. You with your work and Yugyeom about the guys and his life. It becomes a routine between you two, now you are sure that your schedules aren’t synchronised, it is more to you actually serving an empty slot just for him.

Like he does for you.

After months, you meet his friend circle again, just him inviting you to their gathering. You never thought that you’ll miss them; well you don’t have time to think about them before. You never thought you’d feel complete when you saw Jaebeom and Bambam bicker or Jackson and Jinyoung dissing each other. You just feel like a misplaced puzzle inside you finally fits, finally relocates and completes.

“What are you thinking?” Yugyeom asks as he walks you home from the gathering. You choose to walk rather than drive, just in case they decide to drink so you’ll take a cab home. But Yugyeom offers to walk with you, Bambam taking his car home instead.

“Us.”

He stops in his tracks, watching you still walking forward. You know that he’s afraid of mentioning it first. You saw his curious eyes and you can’t blame him for not bringing this up. He still fears that he’ll make the same mistake and will break you again.

So you turn around, smiling as bright as you can, determined to make him see that you are ready.

“Are you sure, y/n?” he licks his lip nervously. “I can wait. I don’t want you to feel burdened. If you don’t want me then I’m good with it.”

“Yugyeom.” you reach to hold his hands, gripping it tight. “I am sure with my decision.”

“I’ve thought of it over and over again and if I want someone else I should already have them now. But I don’t want someone else. I want you.”

“But what if,” his voice falters, fear starts clouding his mind. “What if I hurt you again? What if I make a mistake again?”

His voice comes out like a squeak, like he’s too vulnerable and scared.

“Gyeom-ah.” you call him, still caressing his hand. “We can make this right. We’ll talk about what is working and what’s not. We need to be honest to each other.”

“We’ll be rational and sort things out. We will, Yugyeom. We will.”

“We will?”

You nod, etching a smile. “We will.”

Winter has never been warmer than that night. Yugyeom finds you in his arms again, stronger and unbreakable. He’s relieved, though worried what the future has for both of you.

For now he’ll focus on you, the one that fills his empty space.

[ Writings ]

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