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beeznthetrap · 1 year ago

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UwU i loved this. like idk if that's what i need to know in my life; some comfort and fluff fics, but goodness. i love this couple and their stubbornness. you can tell they really care for each other despite the hills and valleys they come across in their relationship and their work.

this was perfectly sweet and i'd to know more about them and how the reader's journey started.

wonderful read!

Right Now

Pairing: Kim Yugyeom x Black!Reader

Genre: Angst, Light Fluff, Idol AU/Idolverse

Word Count: 1.4k

Warning: One cuss word; Language; Mentions of lack of eating, but due to workaholic behavior.

Rating: PG-13

Author's Note: I wrote this forever ago and never posted it, which makes no sense.

One thing that fans and choreographers had in common was that tour season was a whirlwind experience that came at you fast and had you begging it to slow down. Though to be honest Hana didn’t really beg for it to slow down, she went wherever it took her and that meant more work than all of the “off season” combined. Something she didn’t mind and to a degree could admit to loving.

And that is where the problem arose.

Yugyeom had his own tour dates to prepare for. Events that were some of his first since GOT7 left JYPE. They made him more anxious than when he had his members to rely on, so he put in more work than usual. But none of it was overworking himself or not taking the time to breathe.

With his new career within the R&B world he’d promised himself he’d take a little more control and do what worked best for him and the life he wanted to lead, even outside of music. It was a must, and it was hard because he was used to the go, go, go lifestyle of idol life, but he wanted to take his time. He had all the time in the world for the fast paced, always moving shit when GOT7 got deep into preparations for their July comeback - something he looked forward to.

But while he waited and geared up for his solo activities, he tried to impart some of that wisdom onto Hana. That meant talking to her about it and getting her to take breaks no matter how small and no matter what hops he had to jump through to get her to give in.

Of course, she had obligations so she couldn’t just ditch jobs. It would make people second guess hiring her or get her blacklisted from working with companies if she changed up on them at the last minute. But the problem wasn’t how many choreographing and teaching roles she took on, or at least not the one Yugyeom felt he could validly argue against. No, the issue was that she was also helping out other friends. She would workshop choreo, act as a member for demos, help them get into different companies to showcase they were the right fit for their artists, and even teaching classes with them when they asked at the last minute.

It left her with so little time to do anything else. Yugyeom feared if she was eating like she should have or getting enough rest in her own bed, because she hadn’t entered his in weeks.

The worry he felt was low at the start of the season, but peaked once some artists began to make their way out a bit earlier than the rest. There were so many last-minute details and intensive work to put in. He barely got a text out of her or anyone he could usually reach out to get ahold of her.

Even popping up wherever she told him yielded low results with him hoping the intimidating nature of being some of her clients' elder age and industry time wise would be enough to ensure they got her to eat or drink something when he dropped it off.

After a while it went from pure worry to agitation. Something that made him lie in bed at night staring at the ceiling as he thought about it until he picked up his phone.

Yugyeom: You at home?

Minutes ticked by with him staring at the screen awaiting an answer, to the point that he found himself a little pissed off and ready to call her, but before he could his phone buzzed a few times.

Hana: No, in the studio

Hana: I had to finalize that killing part for P1Harmony’s new comeback

Hana: I thought I told you???

Yugyeom’s anger didn’t subside despite her answering him, in fact her words seemed to just maintain how upset he was.

Yugyeom: You said it didn’t need to be done for two weeks. Did they push it up?

Hana: No

Yugyeom: So, you’re finishing it at 2AM 2 weeks early because….?

Hana: Because I want it done

Hana: Not rocket science. I got the time so might as well

There were many times in life that Yugyeom wanted to cuss someone out or simply scream and that was indeed one of them. It was like she didn’t know how she sounded, but he knew better than that. Hana knew exactly what she was doing and what he was calling her out on, but she wouldn’t cop to it. No, she preferred to do the thing where she played dumb until he said it outright and even then, she would deny, deny, deny.

It took several deep breaths to get him to calm down and respond to her.

Yugyeom: Come here and I’ll help you

Hana: I’m not falling for your tricks to see me. I’ll see you in a few days

Yugyeom: For work

Hana: And dinner after

He was going to push the issue, but just as began to type another message came through.

Hana: Gotta go. Ireh is back and we’re starting up. Go to sleep. Love you!

Naturally, he knew that she wouldn’t respond to him after that, so Yugyeom threw his phone across the bed. Or he tried to, but the slight force behind it made it bounce and hit the floor instead. He winced hearing it but made zero move to pick it up. All his focus was on Hana. The woman who drove him up the wall but who he loved endlessly.

The thing was he got it. There was no one more understanding than Yugyeom because he lived the life of someone whose work needed a lot of his energy and time spent with people like Monster Woo and other dancers showed him how much went into what they did. How much it could strain things. But all he saw was Hana running herself into the ground for no reason.

Of course, he had to admit part of it was for selfish reasons on his part. He wanted more time with her, even if it was a quick meal and falling asleep together. Spending quality time is something he loved to do with her, and he’d missed out on for months. However, the much larger reason was because he knew her and knew she was in her own head. Knew that a lot of the pressure to work, work, work stemmed from her need to keep herself relevant and employed in an industry that could truly break a foreigner, especially a Black one. She’d made a name for herself long ago and had the backing in the US, but working mostly in K-Pop was something new and she hated to fail at such a challenge.

That was the thing that kept him from losing his shit with her, but it was also the straw to break the camel's back. There was nothing left in him that said he should continue to let it slide, to not push harder for her to take a step or two back. Lines like telling her friends and colleagues to not reach out were ones he wouldn’t cross, but as he drifted off that night, he’d decided that he would put his foot down.

###

Days went by with Yugyeom not reaching out to Hana after their last text conversation. She wasn’t surprised that he’d stopped talking; he had two comebacks and tour dates to prepare for. Not that that was the reason he’d cut off communication attempts. Hana was smart enough to know he was worried and probably pissed with her. Something she hated but knew she couldn’t control since she had things to get done and not a lot of time to do them.

Tour season meant a lot of work and she was no stranger to pouring a lot of herself into it, so she rolled with the punches without much complaint. Which didn’t make him happy with her, but she knew it was something she could manage. Something she could explain to him to get him to understand.

Talking to him was in that plan once she arrived at the dance studio that he was preparing for his tour in. She was a choreographer for some songs and might go with him. Though with all the opportunities that rolled her way it looked unlikely that she would.

Another thing he would be upset with her about.

Upon her arrival she assaulted with the smell of food. As she walked further into the building those smells intensified and she basically drowned in them as she entered the break room area that the studio housed.

Everyone sat or leaned against something eating and paying her no mind. It was confusing because she thought they’d agreed to have lunch before coming in, but things had seemingly changed. All without her being in the know, something that she could have brushed off as an over thought if not for the momentary eye contact, she made with Yugyeom as he got up to grab a drink. His expression was blank as he looked at her and before she could blink, he turned around and went back to his seat without a word.

It was clear he was icing her out, which made her upset and a little angry. Not that she had time to process or call him on it, because the moment he sat down people noticed her presence and Ireh popped up and ushered her to the table she was sat at.

“We’re going to start a little later, so get comfortable. I’ll grab you something,” Ireh said.

Hana opened her mouth to tell her she was fine, but then her stomach growled, and she became all too aware of her hunger. She’d had a late night and got to sleep even later. So, in order to get the bare minimum of enough rest she’d slept in longer than she would have preferred and grabbed a pastry from the convenience store on the way. She’d planned to eat another snack before they started because she needed to and because eating a lot before dancing wasn’t something that she loved. But if she was hungry enough for her stomach to make sounds, she knew that she needed to eat something more. Plus, she had more time than she thought.

Another thing that wasn’t shared with her.

That made her irritation spike, so as she shrugged off her hoodie and dropped her bag Hana found her gaze drifting to Yugyeom. He was carefully spooning rice into his mouth as he messed around on his phone, only looking up when someone spoke to him and making sure to never even turn his head in her direction.

His behavior wasn’t something Hana never experienced before, she’d endured the silent treatment a few times before and it sucked every time. However, when it was about something that was work related and part of her livelihood it pissed her off. Even if there was a whisper in her head voicing the reminder that she could slow down some and not push herself so hard. That she had enough jobs for the season and could chill the hell out. The voice was right, but she wasn’t one to acknowledge that when she knew she could keep pushing and be fine.

So, being upset with him would withstand. At least that was what she tried to convey by glaring at a man who refused to give her the time of day.

Before she could do anything drastic, like walk over to his table, Ireh returned with two containers and a bottle of water. Hana took them carefully and was surprised to find kimchi-jjigae inside one. It was the typical food delivered for a work lunch, but it was a favorite of hers and something she craved whenever she worked a lot.

Something Ireh knew.

Once Ireh took a seat and began eating again Hana opened her mouth to thank her, but the woman shook her head.

“I barely even knew we were getting lunch today. You know who picked it out.”

“But he…”

“Hana, you know better,” Ireh said, but in Korean that time.

Though she often spoke both when talking to Hana there was something about the way she switched to it in order to scold that made Hana shrink into herself a little. It wasn’t that her feelings were hurt, but she did know better. Plus, Ireh was the oldest of four children, so she had the older sister act down pact, even if she only had less than a year over Hana in age.

Hana sighed. “I know.”

“If you know, then act like it.”

From there they ate in silence. The food was delicious, so Hana had zero problem finishing it and even after she was done the usual fullness never came. Which made her curse herself for clearly not eating enough especially because it wasn’t her intention, she just got easily wrapped up in things and forgot.

Once everyone finished, they cleaned up, and there were several minutes of sitting before everyone moved into the practice room. Hana brought up the rear and went to close the door behind them but was cut off by Yugyeom slipping into the room. He handed her a sports drink and continued to walk past her.

Or tried to but was stopped when Hana grabbed hold of his wrist.

“Yugyeom,” she whispered.

At first, she thought he would pull away, but after a few seconds he turned to her with an expression much gentler than the one he’d greeted her with.

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to…”

“I don’t have to do a lot of things, baby. But I do them because I want to and because sometimes people neglect to get them done.”

Not another word was said as he walked away, mostly because Hana couldn’t find any to say. There was the care behind his actions in those words, but she couldn’t miss the dig at the end. She knew it wasn’t meant to be all that hurtful, but she also knew he was being a little mean on purpose. Something that he wasn’t often, and she was unsure if she was angry, hurt, or simply upset that they’d reached that point.

In order to not have to figure that out she took a breath and stood off to the side while the head choreographer and tour manager spoke to them. When all information was disseminated they got to work going over the choreo with those who’d created it. Though the songs she’d worked on were early in the set list she went last and the entire time she refused to meet Yugyeom’s eyes.

Despite the tension they worked through the moves easily and corrected anything that seemed off. It was hyper professional between them and to a degree that made her feel worse, but the alternative of letting feelings leak through wasn’t any better.

After an hour and a half of going through everything they took a small break and Yugyeom tossed her a protein bar before taking a seat on the floor to catch his breath. The urge to say something flared, but Hana just took a seat and ate the bar without question.

Twenty minutes later they were back into the groove of things, but instead of checking for issues they decided to tackle the set list as it was. Most of the people he’d worked with weren’t coming with him, so it was the dancers with him while everyone else watched carefully.

Part of Hana wanted to sit it out because she may not have been going, but also because she was in a petty mood. The more time she and Yugyeom spent with negative emotions looming over them the more annoyed she got, and it was hard to push it down or reason with herself. But instead of taking that step back she got into position.

Keeping her mind from wandering wasn’t hard when she was dancing. It was her passion, so Hana always found joy in doing it. Especially because she’d been so happy when Yugyeom asked her to work on some of the choreo for him. She’d done so on some of GOT7’s music but working closely with the man she loved when he held the same passion as her put her over the moon. A feeling that found its way into her as she danced alongside him.

Their run through went off without a hitch and they were able to do it with very few breaks. Once it was finished, they all took a moment to catch their breath and then any issues were pointed out before they did it again. The second time around included moments where he would stop to talk or to head backstage for a bit, so it was less taxing and also showed there was a better flow of things.

Usually that would have been the end of it, but it was decided on one more run through. Yugyeom had been singing the other two times so to preserve his voice they just let the track play and he lip synced the lyrics. During that practice he found his flow in a way that wasn’t present before and interacted with the dancers more. Hana effortlessly played off that and more often than before they ended up close together dancing in a way that wasn’t so scandalous that they looked like they were five seconds from fucking, but enough to fit the vibe and the sexiness of some of the songs.

With the last song, Hana found they stared into each other’s eyes more than they had most of the day and so it took a moment to snap out of it and walk away once the music stopped. They managed to do so and keep to themselves as they listened to the tour manager again. Everyone was happy with the practice so it ended and though Hana knew most of them liked to leave quickly the speed in which everyone got out of there was next level.

In about two minutes only she and Yugyeom were left, and he was at the door with his hand held out to her. Again, the urge to be petty arose in her, but she’d gone a long time without any physical touch from him that wasn’t dance related and she craved it. So, after she grabbed her bag, she walked forward and laced her fingers in his.

Neither spoke as he led them out of the studio and to the car that he’d hired to drive them around. As they sat in silence, they continued to hold hands and didn’t stop until Yugyeom motioned her into the restaurant they’d planned to go to for dinner. The host led them to a private room and to Hana’s surprise JayB and Youngjae were already there. Both men were often late to dinners.

“Did you even shower?” Youngjae asked as he got up to hug them.

Hana rolled her eyes. “No time.”

“At least she’s not as stinky as him,” Jaebeom said as they switched, and he hugged her.

“Hyung,” Yugyeom whined.

That got a laugh out of everyone and that meant a pouting Yugyeom as they took their seats. A server appeared the moment their butts touched down and they ordered and awaited the drinks.

“So how did it go?” Jaebeom asked.

“It went well. Most of it was already ready, so from here on out it’s just correcting any problems and making sure that we’re one hundred percent happy with how the set list flows,” Yugyeom said.

“That’s good. I know it can be nerve wrecking to do the first solo show, plus it’s in person. Making sure it’s just right means you’ll do great,” Jaebeom said.

“I hope so.”

“Ah, our baby is nervous,” Youngjae teased.

More pouting ensued as they all laughed and Jaebeom reached over to pinch his cheek, earning a light slap to the hand which only made them laugh harder.

It took a few minutes before they settled and their drinks arrived in that time. In the restaurant they went to drinks were fast, but food was slow because they prided themselves in being made to order so most of the food was unprepped.

“Speaking of preparing, how is all the tour stuff going with the different artists, Hana?” Youngjae asked.

Something about the question excited her, but also felt heavy. As if she was beyond tired.

“Good. I thank the heavens that most have been doing online concerts and don’t have a lot of new music coming before tour. It makes it so that we’re mostly just going over things and learning a handful of new choreo. Most pick it up fast, but some of the rookies are so new to it that their nerves are making it harder for them to keep up. But I enjoy being able to help them through it.”

Jaebeom nodded. “I don’t know how you do it. Dance has been in my life a long time and b-boying could take a lot out of you, so I can’t imagine doing it as much as you do. Hell, as much as either of you do. And Gyeomie finds time to do it for fun.”

Hana glanced at Yugyeom, who’d gotten quiet, before saying anything.

“Yeah, it can be a lot, but you get used to it.”

“I just hope you’re taking care of yourself.”

Before Jaebeom finished his sentence Yugyeom scoffed, but Hana ignored it.

“I’m doing my best,” she said.

Another noise was heard but it was softer than the last in a way that Hana almost missed it. What she didn’t miss was the way that Yugyeom rolled his eyes.

If it was anyone else besides his members in that room she would have been embarrassed, but they knew how he could get and saw both of them at their worst. There was nothing they would judge them for or at least all judgment would come from a place of friendship and not rudeness.

Regardless of that it annoyed her, and she wanted to ask him about it, but instead took a deep breath and a sip of her drink.

Seconds ticked by in silence before Youngjae broke the tension or tried to break it, because it didn’t let up even a little.

“So, you ready to go on tour with him? I know you haven’t done one in a few years, and you said you miss it.”

Anger gave way to discomfort then, and Hana paused for way too long.

“Uh… yeah. Some things have come up and so I might not get the chance to do it. But I am looking forward to it.”

“You might not go?” Yugyeom asked, shock and anger coloring his words.

“Yeah, I was going to tell you…”

“When?”

“After dinner. I thought we could talk then.”

Yugyeom’s face was stoic, and it was clear he fought to keep it and not allow anything else to color his expression as he looked at her. For several seconds all he did was stare, before he turned his head to look across the table.

“Hyungs,” he said, voice shaky.

Neither of them said anything, just nodded and got up. As they exited Hana heard Jaebeom mention sitting at the bar to give them a moment to themselves, but she was more focused on Yugyeom who’d risen from his seat and began to pace the room.

“Yugyeom,” she said softly.

Hearing his name didn’t stop his pacing or even get him to look in her direction.

“Yugyeom.”

Again nothing.

“Kim Yugyeom.”

That time there was a bit of anger in her voice, and she didn’t know if that did the trick or the use of his full name, but he finally stopped pacing and turned to her. She watched as he visibly took a deep breath and then leaned against the wall behind him.

“Do you know how worried I’ve been?” he asked.

Hana sighed. “I kn…”

“That was rhetorical. You know how worried I’ve been. You’ve had me checking in on you over the phone. Bringing you food and getting you to take moments to rest. You’ve seen my hold back because I know how you work, and I know it can be intense. I know that you do things a certain way and while it may seem like too much to be doing to me that you view it a different way. I know this industry is iffy and you committing to working mostly for this country’s industry is a lot because of the extra bs that comes with you not being Korean. I let shit slide because of those things. I put aside my worries because of those things, because I’m trying to be understanding. But there are limits.

“You push and push until you push me away. You’ve barely spoken to me for more than an hour in total over the last month. I have to work harder than one should to get proof you’re okay. To make sure that you’re eating and drinking. To ensure that you’re getting the rest that you need. And you don’t give a fuck.”

Throughout his speech Hana felt guilt creep in, but something about that last sentence shoved it down.

“I don’t care? How are you going to sit here and tell me that I don’t care? As if I haven’t been doing my best to keep in contact and as if I don’t always thank you for the things you do to take care of me. I’ve been busy, Yugyeom. You know how much comes up during these months and how much busier I get as tour dates get closer.”

“Fuck that busy shit!” he shouted.

That brought them to a standstill. Not because Hana felt threatened or anything, they cussed all the time so it slipping into an angry conversation didn’t faze her. But the way he raised his voice surprised her a little. It wasn’t scary, but it wasn’t like him to yell even though it had been softer than most people’s.

“Baby…” she trailed off.

Yugyeom’s face shifted from anger to a deep set frown and gentle eyes that told her he was tired and worried. Much more than he was letting on.

“I just… I want to take care of you, and I want you to take care of yourself. I get that you work hard, but you can work hard and also relax. Take moments to breathe. Have some sort of fun. You get into this work mode where it’s like you can’t seem to do anything else, even when there isn’t much else to do. And I get it, baby I do, but there has to be a line.

“And I’m selfish. Outside of you being healthy I miss you. I’ve barely seen you for a month and it’s not like we haven’t crossed paths. I miss being able to spend time with you. Making up dances in the studio just because it’s fun, taking small trips for a day or two, you yelling at me because you hate the way that I cook, and just falling asleep by your side. I haven’t held you in forever.”

As he spoke Hana rose from her seat and moved over to Yugyeom, wrapping her arms around his waist before she pulled him close. She knew she’d not been thinking about herself much and just going with the fact that she felt fine as an indicator on if she needed a break. It worked for her, but it was a dangerous way to live and despite how much she hated to realize it, lack of eating alone was enough for her to know she wasn’t as well as she thought.

That coupled with the neglect of her relationship was a reality check of epic proportions. She’d expected Yugyeom to just go with her schedule without throwing him a bone in terms of even a little affection. Plus, there was the depriving of her own touch and time needs. All of it showed her that she’d been a mess masquerading as someone with their shit together for weeks.

“I know and I’m sorry. I got wrapped up in it all and forgot myself. But even so, I shouldn’t have forgotten your needs. Forgotten that I would have to put in the effort to fix things when I finally came down to reality and not just expected you to be understanding or that I could explain it away. You deserve better than that and I’m sorry I was giving you less than.”

Yugyeom wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight against him. His body relaxed and so did hers. Not everything was solved, and it was something they would need time to get over, but Hana knew it was the start of a good thing and that she would do better.

After a few moments Yugyeom moved away a bit and leaned down to press a kiss to her lips. It was gentle and came with a spark that made it feel like the first time. A testament to how long she’d been in self-imposed exile of his touch.

As he pulled away from her, she made the mental note to overhaul her planner to work better for herself and her relationship.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you more.”

Yet another pout took form and as his lips parted to argue the boys reentered the room with the server right behind them.

“Sorry,” Youngjae said.

Hana waved them off. “You’re fine. We’re good.”

“Really?” Jaebeom asked.

“Yes.”

A squeeze of the hand was all she needed to be sure of it.

They enjoyed the meal without the heavy weight of tension in the room and despite how she needed to get across town the next morning Hana went with Yugyeom to his apartment without argument. She said she would do better and that needed to be immediate.

Plus, when she woke up a little later than she’d planned she couldn’t be mad, because being wrapped in his arms was the best night sleep she’d gotten in a while. She planned for it to be a repeat performance for at least a week straight.

#beezy reads #fic rec #agustdef #kim yugyeom #got7 #yugyeom x reader #got7 x reader #yugyeom angst #yugyeom fluff #got7 angst #got7 fluff #sfw

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kpop-stories-21 · 1 year ago

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Duty | Prelude: Kyungshi

Group: SuperM

Pairing: ??? x Fem!OC

Word Count: 439

Rating: 18-21+

Genres, Tropes, & AUs: Non-Idol AU, Secret Agent/Spy AU, Good vs Evil, Colleagues to Lovers, Angst

Content & Trigger Warnings: Agent!Reader, Agent!SuperM, kpop companies as agent companies, mentions of past death, violence, guns, blood, death, murder

Summary: Kyungshi finishes an assignment and receives news that sets everything in motion

General tags: @kpop---scenarios @jeonrose @skittlez-area512 @mybiasisexo @biaswreckingfics @anyamaris @liliesofdreamsskz @rdiamond2727 @naturalogre @bxffietheblxxdy

If you want to be added to my taglist, click here

Network pings: @cacaokpop-fics | @kdiarynet | @cultofdionysusnet

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Masterlist | Main Masterlist

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Jun Kyungshi exhaled softly as she tiptoed through the darkened car park, taking care not to trip while still keeping an eye on her target.

The man she followed was 27-year-old Kim Yugyeom, a former JYP agent. Yugyeom, along with the rest of his agent group GOT7, had gone rouge a few months earlier. The seven men had then split up, taking on solo missions as assassins, bounty hunters, and other similar dirty jobs.

Yugyeom's current occupation was that of a "janitor" for a local gang; that is, he cleaned up loose ends by bribing people in power and killing allies who were likely to spill their secrets.

His most recent job had been securing the death of Taeyeon, a solo agent working undercover for SM, the very agency that Kyungshi was under. Kyungshi had been a close friend of the older woman, and was devastated to hear of her death. The Boss had not objected to Kyungshi going after Yugyeom, so there she was.

Yugyeom froze suddenly, and Kyungshi cursed mentally as he began speaking to someone through what was obviously an earpiece. A quick glance at her surroundings showed a single security camera that was fixed on her. Damnit, how could I have been so careless?! She berated herself.

Deciding to act while she still had some element of surprise, she stood to her feet and leapt forward, clearing the large Volvo in front of her in one smooth motion. Out of its holster came her beloved .32 mm Glock, a silencer attached to the barrel. She lined up her shot and fired quickly.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Three shots echoed through the silent night air. Yugyeom turned, gazing at Kyungshi in shock, and for a moment she feared that she had missed. But then she saw the rapidly growing patches of crimson that stained his white button-up, and she allowed herself a small smile as the older man crumpled to the ground without a word.

She fired off a fourth shot, destroying the camera that had followed her movements before it could record her face. Then she climbed into her own black BMW and sped away from the scene.

As she drove, she switched on her own earpiece and spoke. "Agent Jun reporting mission accomplished."

The static-laced voice of her friend Selgui responded immediately. "Good work Agent Jun. The Boss has summoned you to headquarters, so you'd best clean up and head straight there."

Kyungshi frowned. Usually the boss only called on agents when something bad happened. "What happened Selgui?"

Selgui's voice was soft and sad as she replied "Hybe has struck again."

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#cultofdionysusnet #kdiarynet #cacaokpop #sandsofirenet #superm #superm x oc #superm angst #maturefanfic #18-21+#au #fanfic

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moccahobi · 2 years ago

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Yearly Toppers

Looking back at the data from 3 years, I wanted to honor and reflect on the top 3 fics from each year (2020, 2021, and 2022)! A note for 2022: I am highlighting the fics with the most notes at the current moment. I have fics that I’ve not posted yet and older fics will have an edge up on newer fics simply because of how time works.

2020

Safety (Namjoon x Reader)

Summery: You can’t lie to your soulmate. It was a fact that many people knew, including you. You just didn’t expect to find your soulmate during your night shift at the MSN book store you work at. You also didn’t expect them to be the Kim Namjoon, an up-and-coming star.

Angst, Fluff

I think something that struck me about this fic is it was my first time writing a soulmate au. I really enjoyed it and found the story something that I easily fell into. Just as I hope readers were, I found myself rooting for the reader in the climax and anxious with them as the show started! I’ve been meaning to write another soulmate au but I’ve simply not had time yet. Mayhaps next year I will try to!

Midnight Musings (Jungkook x Reader)

Summery: You just moved to Korea for a teaching job and on your first night, you decided to visit a local cafe. You even took a photo to commemorate the move! That photo actually lead to something very unexpected happening though.

Fluff, smut, a touch of angst

One of my first smuts! 2020 was truly a year of exploration for me! I think it was my first year trying mxm and branching out into got7 fics! I must admit, I don’t think I will write smut much more because though I am sex indifferent, the idea of sex really... I don’t enjoy it. It just sort of is something. I laughed all while writing this fic and my other smut. It was a fun experience and I greatly admire all smut writers but it isn’t something for me as a hobby writer.

Slow Mornings (Jungkook x reader)

Summery: You decide to make Jungkook breakfast in bed.

Fluff

Honestly. I was shocked by this looking back. I don’t often think of drabbles as stuff that really leads to much but please don’t underestimate the power of drabbles for getting eyes on your blog! It was a fun and short fic and I think it makes me want to get back into doing some drabbles! I’ve been thinking of how I want to start of 2023 and playing around with the idea of a drabble series. Maybe... if you all have drabble requests, I could take those instead!

2020 was truly a year of exploration for me. I had a lot of fun with all the stuff I wrote! It is quite fun to look back and see what range of stuff I did! Interestingly, the notes on these fics haven’t changed tons since I took note of them in 2020 but that’s ok. These stories hold a special place in my heart. Especially safety!

2021

Taking it Slow (Namjoon x Reader)

Summery: Reading with Namjoon

Fluff

I had a lot of fun writing this piece. I started as half a page free write. Then I made it the length of a full page. Then I wrote it up on a google document and tried to double its length once again. I enjoyed it a ton and writing this piece made me feel quite calm! It was an attempt of mine to spark some creativity and while I found some creativity with writing this piece, I didn’t find much that carried over.

A Spark in the Commons (Yugyeom x Reader)

Summery: You help an anxious deer shifter in the shifter union commons and a friendship buds.

Fluff

This might’ve been one of my first posted Got7 fics! What are my thoughts on it... 1) I am happy I started writing Got7! I really love them a ton and I am glad that I finally branched out again! I had leaned into BTS after starting to write for Seventeen. 7 is much less than 13 and only recently have I started branching out again! 2) I am... not the biggest fan of this fic. I’ve been open about my struggles with writing in 2021 so it isn’t personal to the event or anything like that... but I was using events to push me to write and while I am glad I wrote this and glad people enjoy it, I do not have a strong bond to it.

Drawing Blood (Taehyung x Reader)

Summary: An attempt to get over a two year crush on your friend (and a suspected vampire) leads to interesting discoveries.

Fluff, Angst

I uh... remember making the graphic more than I remember writing this fic. TO BE FAIR! I WROTE 24 FICS IN 2021. TO NOT REMEMBER A FEW HAPPENS (plus I think because it was posted on sssc, I didn’t get the notifications of interest and thus had to check it rather than seeing it on my notif bar). That being said, I did have some fun writing this fic and when I look back, I am really curious about the world I was writing in. I think if I could go back and do this fic again, I would. I’d expand on it and add another plot that really highlighted the vampirism rather than just had it be a characteristic. It is 3.8k afterall. I wonder what more depth I could add to it if it became 8k! This fic was a gift for a dear friend of mine, @voiceswithoutlips. Potentially it could be something that I further expand on with Kas’s help!

A year of distance between me and 2021, I still don’t fully know how I feel about the year. There are stuff that I do hold dearly, but I really do think I was nearing or at burnout. I was tired and fried and I think it shows in my writing some. I wasn’t fried for the whole time but I was for a while. I think as well... I hold a lot of guilt for the year. As mentioned a few times on my blog, part of why I took time off from school early 2021 was because of a surgery and mental health struggles... last time I had a major surgery though, my writing surged forth like a protective barrier and this time... it got hurt with me. Again, I had fun and I look back on some of my stuff fondly but I also look back at stuff and wonder “when did I write this??” and I see the hurt and scared person I was. I see how I was struggling to cope and wishing desperately that my writing would be a safe space for me again while somewhere in me, I knew it wasn’t.

2022

Heated Blanket (Jungkook x Reader)

Summery: After finals, you choose to take a nap. Your favorite heated blanket comes to join you.

Fluff

I posted this fic before I really started changing my writing habits... or at the very least, I wrote it before that happened. It was hard to write this fic on many layers. I was low motivation and energy, I was recovering from the first inflammation of my nerves, and I was battling the feeling of needing to do more. This fic was a gift to a good friend of mine ( @ditttiii) and I am really glad I managed to write something for her! It’s a fun little drabble!

A Story From a Different Time (Taehyung x Reader)

Summery: Love. Love is such a wonder. Your love story is especially wondrous to your grandkids who love love as much as you and hang on to every word as you relive the time in your life as a teacher when you met a soft hearted tattoo artist.

Fluff, hint of angst

This fic was a year in the making! I started it sometime last year (maybe October? Or early November?) and had some bones of it created. That being said, I wasn’t happy with it. Throughout this year, I’ve worked on it bit by bit and tried hard to get it out in time for @taegularities birthday! Seeing it already able to make it to the top three was a shock because it’s only been a month or so (then again, most of my fics this year get like 10 notes or less so...). I am fairly happy with the writing process and how this fic came about! It’s full of tons of references and nods to Rid and I also got to write a fic that passes the Bechdel test this year (if you’ve not heard of it, essentially to pass it you need a woman talking to another woman about something other than a guy)! Having fics that pass the Bechdel test when I have women in my story is something I want to do more of (similarly, I want more representation of disabilities, sexuality, and of people all around the gender... cloud? I know spectrum is commonly used but like... it’s not really a spectrum so idk what to call it otherwise).

Let You Fly (Jimin x Namjoon)

Summery: Namjoon and Jimin have been together for only 7 months and it’s been near perfect. The two fit together wonderfully. All changes when Namjoon’s dream job offer slides itself into his inbox. He’d been eyeing the position in Japan for years… It wouldn’t be fair to Jimin to pack up his bags and join Namjoon, but it wouldn’t be fair to Namjoon to try to force him to stay. Instead, Jimin must let him fly.

Angst, hint of fluff

THIS FIC! I AM SO HAPPY THAT THIS FIC IS ONE ON THIS LIST! It’s based off of a song (Seven Months by Sunshine State) and I had so much fun writing this fic. This was written shortly after I realized something must change. I was very intentionally working on trying different things and I feel like it really paid off for this fic. I got immersed in it, made a playlist, made a graphic for it, did character interviews, and tried doing a teaser. Most of it’s notes came from BWC’s bookclub and honestly, I am so content with that because it came with people giving me their thoughts on it. It’s a brainchild of mine and I am so honored to have people share their thoughts on it and to have people read it!

It’s not lost on me that all the fics that are on my top 3 for 2022 are ones that were gifts or bookclub fics. Why do I think this is? Well... a multitude of reasons. 1) I posted half as much as I had in 2021 and 2020 (24 and 28 respectively in comparison to the 14 I posted this year). And almost half of what I posted (6 fics) were for my series A Fae’s Brew to Take You Away. Something I started 3/4 years ago and let collect cobwebs for two of those years. It gets less than 10 notes and half of the notes are just nets rebloging. Please know, I am ok with that. I am not complaining. I just want to finish this series. 2) Aside from ASFDT and Heated Blanket, all I wrote was MxM which doesn’t do well on tumblr. 3) I post infrequently. 14 fics is roughly 1 every month. I know I didn’t post that regularly though. And on tumblr, there’s an expectation to churn from readers. It’s social media. You’re rewarded for more posting. 4) I don’t get a lot of traction to my blog. I sit contently at 750 some followers and many of my fics don’t reach the top page (or if they do it’s only for a short time).

That being said, keeping in mind the few notes and the traction being from other writers reblogging, I am really happy with the stuff that I’ve posted. I finished writing AFBTTYA so hopefully I will be able to edit and get to a point where I am posting something from it every month all next year! In the past few months, the amount I am writing has increased. I am feeling creative with what I am writing! I think that this devopment may take a bit of time to shine through on my blog because with series, I am trying to finish it before I start posting. I am trying to widdle away my 30+ wip list. I am still in school. I still have nerve inflammation. But I think this year has been a year of me trying to better my relationship with my writing. It will take time and I still struggle (just yesterday, after writing 3.5k the day prior, I got anxious about not writing that much again) but I am learning better coping strategies. In some ways, the low notes help because I can really work to untangle my love of writing and want to post from those notes which will hopefully help me keep that boundary if I get higher notes.

I think I am going into 2023 excited for my writing. It’s refreshing.

#lillia talks #throwback fics #looking back

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ao3feed-ateez · 4 months ago

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Lions and Snakes Wolves and Graves

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/Uz4JIfw by Caelestria The year is 1977, and war with the Death Eaters is inevitable. Following an unprecedented attack on Gryffindor Tower, the proud and courageous students are forced to bunk with the other Hogwarts Houses. Jackson Wang, a half-blood, is randomly assigned to Slytherin’s dungeons, in a room with pureblood Mark Tuan. While strange rumours of Jackson being a werewolf spread, an unexpected bond emerges amidst the backdrop of shifting alliances and impending conflict. However, what is true peace when even the side of light does not want freedom and justice for all? GOT7 fic in a semi-canon universe with the Harry Potter cast (Marauders’ Era) and ATEEZ Words: 3285, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: GOT7, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, ATEEZ (Band) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: M/M Characters: Mark Tuan, Jackson Wang, Lim Jaebeom | Jay B, Park Jinyoung (GOT7), James Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Choi Youngjae (GOT7), BamBam Kunpimook Bhuwakul, Kim Yugyeom, Choi San (ATEEZ), Jung Wooyoung (ATEEZ), Sirius Black Relationships: Mark Tuan/Jackson Wang Additional Tags: markson, Harry Potter AU, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), wolfstar, Woosan, jjp, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Werewolves, Lore-specific/canon backstories, lots of skinship, lots of banter, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/Uz4JIfw

#ao3feed #ateez fic #ateez rpf #ateez fanfic #kpop rpf

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jjpmoans · 5 years ago

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Empty Space | kyg

w.c : 9k+ words

warnings : angsts. lots and lots of angsts. cheating. slow build up.

a/n : Happy 1k followers to me! I’d like to thank everyone for following me, staying for my content and my writings. I need to improve more and I am sorry that I’ve not been active. I am still overwhelmed by the 1k followers and it is now at 1.2k followers (OMG 1.2K WHAT DO YOU GUYS FOLLOW ME FOR). Also since I wasn’t active, I figured a drabble game will have less participation from my audience so I decided to personally dm the 1000th follower and asked them what kind of fic and who does they want to be the main lead. Sooooooo, my 1000th follower @luvgyeom requested for a Yugyeom angst, then Yugyeom angst it is! It is quite long (this is my first time writing this long lmao). Please enjoy all the heartbreak. Thankyou for following me again! xoxo

Heavy steps resonate through the sidewalk, together with everyone else. Everyone is either walking home from work, probably catching up with friends or going for a movie. What they are going to do is absolutely not something Yugyeom actually cares about. However, with the things running through his head now, he’d rather wonder about a stranger’s plan rather than sort things out.

It has been sunny for a while now. The heat is bearable; at least to Yugyeom. Or probably he has lost the ability to feel because he doesn’t think he can function really well right now. He is getting nearer to the familiar street and for the n-th time of the week, he sucks in a breath to gain some strength.

He passes the first grocery and the roasted chestnut smell from the stall hits him immediately, staggering his step. It rings in his head how you would beg him to stop for some chestnut when he was struggling to hold your groceries. Even if he wanted to say no, the pout on your face will melt him completely. He’d give in, watching you skip steps joyfully towards the stall. Living close to the area has made you a regular, the old grandma will give you extra chestnuts because she thought you’re pretty.

Yugyeom thinks you are, too.

“Oh! You’re here!” like on cue, the said old woman calls him, motioning him to come closer. “I thought you had moved away! You stopped coming for weeks now!”. She quickly gathers some freshly roasted chestnuts because that’s how you like your chestnuts. Fresh.

There are reasons why Yugyeom wanted to say no whenever you stopped for chestnuts. Because he doesn’t eat them. He can’t stand the taste. Until you came. You came and suddenly roasted chestnuts became his favourite. No, actually, you’re his favourite.

He loves you. You love chestnuts. He loves chestnuts.

Yugyeom sighs, now he is adding the smell of chestnut to his ‘dislike’ list. Roasted chestnut now makes him dizzy, clouded by the memory of you. He doesn’t even want to meet someone that reminds him of you, which is why he has avoided the route several times.

However, humans have weaknesses and at times Yugyeom feels like malfunctioning without enough dosage of you. Is this what addiction tastes like? It was pure torture, haunted by countless memories which tastes bitter in his mouth but sweet in his mind. It’s like a combination of life, where Yugyeom thought you’re the one he’d spend his life with forever but it turns out you weren’t meant to be his. He was angry at you, he was trying to deny the fact that you too, have weaknesses. But at times like this, he misses you and he just wants you in his arms.

“Yugyeom?” the old grandma calls. He snaps out of his own thoughts, pulling out his wallet to pay. The grandma holds his hand instead, warmness spreads through the touch. She smiles, shaking her head. “Bring this to her. Fights are common, sweetheart. That’s how love works. But you fight for it, you don’t run away. That’s how you save your relationship.”

If it is that simple, he would have ran to your arms long ago. Where it was just a few days; probably a few hours. But it has been far too late, he has broken countless rules made when he dated you. Nonetheless, on days where he found himself in a stranger’s arms, he knew he won’t find the same love that you’ve provided him with.

Because you’re perfect.

You’re perfect and he took you for granted. He knew you were loyal so he went around flirting, cheating behind you. He knew you love him; you will never leave him. He knew sooner or later you’ll find out about him but he didn’t care less. He knew you love him too much to break up with him.

But he never knew what strength can do to a woman.

“Don’t you think it’s time to stop pretending?” your voice was low, Yugyeom didn’t think he had ever heard your tone as cold as that. But he played dumb, asking you what’s wrong. “Why do you think I won’t find you sleeping around behind my back?”

Yugyeom met you when he was still someone who sleeps around. He was in a group of friends who don’t do relationships and only commit one when they’re ready to hold responsibilities. He had warned you before that he is, and will be someone who cheats because he simply can’t leave his old habit. But you stayed nonetheless, trying to get him out of his lifestyle.

And it worked. It worked out and it freaked Yugyeom out when he felt that he started changing for you. He never lingered too long whenever he was out with his friend because he was ready to go home to you. He never realised that until Jinyoung pointed it out. He never drank too much after meeting you, even though his alcohol tolerance is high because he knew you don’t like him reek of alcohol when he came home.

He learnt about you and had your personal preference memorized at the back of his hand. He knew all your likes and dislikes that it scared him when he felt the change. It threw him off the momentum and like a gear, he reversed his life to where before he met you. He never thought he’d fall in love with you and he never thought he’d change for you.

He was mad and he was scared.

The day he gave up messing around was the day you broke up with him. Yugyeom decided that the lifestyle doesn’t suit him anymore; that he loves you too much to sleep with other people. He can’t see other women without thinking about you but as life always works, you sniff things out way before he can explain.

When Yugyeom walked out of the shared apartment, he told himself he won’t regret leaving. He knew he wasn’t worth your love, your loyalty and your dedication. He knew, you can end up with someone better, someone who cherishes your love, someone who isn’t him.

“Are you good?” Youngjae nudges him with a can of beer, Yugyeom smiles in return. Never would he have thought that he would hate drinking. He refuses every drink that came his way and everyone started freaking out when they found out that you broke up with him.

“Are you fucking crazy?” Bam, was the first to curse, fist almost meeting his face. Bam, his own best friend. He was utterly disgusted, refusing to listen to Yugyeom’s explanation. “It’s good she left you. You’re fucking ungrateful, cheating on someone as angelic and as patient as her. I am embarrassed to call you my own friend.”

“Yeah, I’m good.” he replies, eyes lingering on his group of friends talking to each other, being ignorant to how the world revolves. Jinyoung told him that love works in a different way and now he wants to scoff, the elder must be proud if he knows that Yugyeom indeed, acknowledge his words now. “Just feeling empty.”

Yugyeom knows, you’re the only person that fits well in his heart. He knows that you’re the missing piece, the one that is supposed to solve the puzzle. He knows it but he can’t tell them, his friends. They won’t understand and Yugyeom doesn’t have the energy to fight again, hearing things he will just get blamed.

Nights are the most difficult of all for Yugyeom. Climbing on his bed is another story, he loathes himself whenever he starts thinking when you were once in his arms. He would snuggle you to sleep, your head on his chest while you hugged him.

Never had he thought break ups would be this torturous. Never had he thought he would be this affected; going through this phase is absolutely the worst. Never had he, Kim Yugyeom, felt this weak for a woman.

Staring at the ceiling of his bedroom, Yugyeom finds himself drawing the digit 8 with his eyes when his phone buzzes on the side table, bringing him to reality. Three in the morning, probably Jaebeom is texting him to pick them all up since he is the only sober one. So he picks the phone up, opening them to read the texts.

‘Hey.. I miss you. Can we talk?’ had Yugyeom in a panic attack, right after that an incoming call buzzes, ringing for five seconds before he picks it up.

Silence is probably the worst torture Yugyeom could feel now. It is devastating, knowing you’re on the other side, probably crying because of his stupid ass.

“Yugyeom..” your voice falters, awakens the guilt in him. “Oh god I’m so sorry. I can’t- I miss you. I’m sorry.”

Yugyeom smiles, hushing you to calm down.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” Yugyeom replies. “I miss you too.”

“I know I don’t have that kind of right to tell you that.”

“But I really really miss you.”

Yugyeom knows, this will probably be the last conversation before you fully move on, leaving him behind. But he also hopes, you will at least, feel his love before totally erasing him out of your life.

Because for once, he needs you to know that only you can fill these empty spaces.

In Yugyeom’s life, he has never felt as empty as he is now. Mainly he was happy, ‘was’ is the keyword because right now, he feels nothing. Your departure brought along his entire emotion since you’re the person who’s in charge of it. You are the person whom he has dedicated all his life for. You’re the reason why he breathes everyday, looking forward to the rest of his day. Waking up to you is one of the views that sparks the light in his heart.

Cheating on you was his fault.

It was and will forever be his fault. Your departure serves as a reminder to him that he is not worthy of your love and will never be worthy of it. When you were right there by his side, he frequently hesitated to show his love towards you. People say it’s because he’s still young but he knows, he was just too egoistic to show his emotion. He never showed you off in public because he was too proud to have someone loyal by his side. He knew you were grateful enough for his affection, those where he showed them to you behind the closed doors.

However he knows, you deserve more than just being a trophy girlfriend. You are brilliant, excellent and everything he should have been bragging about. But he didn’t do it. He didn’t brag about you and he has lost that chance entirely.

From the moment he saw you smiling with your friend in a dimly lit club, his heart clenched and that’s when he realised, he has lost you.

The night where both of you were vulnerable, Yugyeom still remembers every bit of it. You were crying, sobbing in pain as you vent your frustration on him. He could make out the figure of you clutching your chest, tears streaming down your pink cheeks, dropping down to your wet pillow. The image alone hurts him to the core.

“I’m so sorry.” he says into the receiver. Your heart drops at his apology. A part of you wants him to not apologise, that it makes you more vulnerable and will probably run into his arms again. “I’m sorry for cheating behind you. I have no explanation and I deserve you breaking up with me.”

You want to stop him from talking but all you can do is cry, writhing in silent pain. You know Yugyeom loves you. Or so you thought. Years of your relationship has tricked you into a specific mantra that you have been hypnotised with, the assurance that he loves you. Till that day you keep wanting to believe that you are his everything, the only girl he let into his life and hopefully the last.

Leaving Yugyeom was…painful. It has ripped off your lung, knowing the fact the man you’ve been blindly in love with, was sleeping around behind you. Epiphany hit and the excruciating pain left you speechless. The mantra that kept you together broke, shattering with your future that you have pictured with him. The trust was no longer there, you refused to trust him anymore. For what, really? To make you even more miserable? Knowing that you trusted him too much for him to play your heart like some insignificant thing in his life?

So you leave. You love him and you wanted to hear some explanation of how he messed things up. But you needed to leave. You don’t want him to take your love for granted. You wanted to give him a chance but right now, your heart is in pain. You can’t share your man, you just can’t. You can’t accept him for cheating because never in your life, you would accept a cheater.

Love has made you blind and you want to avoid becoming one.

“Maybe it’s not now,” he said. “I’ll court you again in the future. I’ll gain your trust and I’ll make sure I earned it right.”

“I’ll make myself deserve your love.”

Two years and Yugyeom feels like his life is catching up again. He moved on from the break-up almost a year later, where he figured that life is teaching him how to appreciate people. He changed from a young boy to a mature man, finding a permanent job and wearing proper attire. Funny how he almost sees Jinyoung in him. His friends think the same, he starts to look more proper, more presentable. He is no longer the Yugyeom from two years ago. He left everything in the past to be himself now. He wanted a change, a solid reason to become your man again.

Fate, of course, works differently on both of you. While Yugyeom soars up high, you have become more miserable than you can be. Days and nights are a blur to you, save for those times when you’re at work. Two years made you a zombie, clouded by all ‘what ifs’ and ‘whys’. What if you hadn’t left? What if you stayed? What if you give him a chance?

You questioned your every move, of why you never asked him the reason he cheated and of why you chose to run away instead of facing the problem head on.

There is only one reason why.

It’s painful to swallow but you still love him.

A combination of blind and fools, that is what you are. You know this is the hardest pill to swallow, the hardest confession you have yet to make to your friends. Whenever they asked you if you’re interested to start dating again, you pushed them away by saying you’re busy with work. You have seen their side eyes and snickers, you know they knew about the truth.

Kim Yugyeom will always and forever be the only man you’ll set your eyes on.

The first time in two years, your eyes found his. Amidst the crowd, you found him, ash grey and heavy lids. You knew it from the first glance, the way your eyes immediately attracted to that shape of his.You always love those eyes, cheeky and full of enthusiasm.

However that day, you found confident eyes, a little bit tired but still a strong gaze. You know he met yours too because the next second you find his eyes dilated, diverting the contact. A sharp tug in your heart brought you to reality, shaking you from your mindless dream.

Why?

Doesn’t he miss you? Doesn’t he suffer the same way as you did? Has he moved on? Has he?

You’re enraged by the thought, a string of curses left your mouth while you walk home in tears. However as you hit the shower, you felt yourself relaxing under the warm rain. Then you realise that you’re relieved to see him. You’re relieved to know he’s alive and healthy without you. It’s a lie if you didn’t feel hurt. A part of you wanted to see him miserable as you are but at the same time you were thankful that he managed to live without you. Between the two of you, you’re the mature one while Yugyeom couldn’t even cook instant noodles with the stove. He is more to hot water instant noodles. So when you find him breathing and alive, you have a tiny jealousy in your heart knowing he is better off without you. You guess this is better, parting ways and not existing in each other’s life.

Unknowingly, you find yourself walking through the same route every other day of the week, looking forward to chances that you could probably meet him, even just a quick glance. On your third day, you realise that this is the old route you used to go shopping with him, the one where you always buy your roasted chestnut.

You went home crying, sobbing into the pillow as it swallowed your tears away.

The next day, you still walk on the same route, stronger than before.

Days become weeks.

Weeks become months.

You never stop, holding to that thin rope of hope to meet him again. Each day you walk through the same route at the same time you met him months ago, wishing that he will be there, probably just standing there and quirk a smile.

Just knowing that he acknowledges you is already fine. You just need that.

Yugyeom knows you’re there.

He knows it.

He met your chestnut, tired eyes. You looked like – dare he say – miserable. His stomach churned at the possibilities that you may probably haven’t moved on from him, still trapped in the same heartbreak he caused you two years ago. He saw you first, when you were dragging your feet against the bricked floor not giving any attention to your front. It felt like his eyes were glued to you, your beauty kept him stunned; no really, he just missed you. He felt his heart did a little flip when you swatted your hair away from your face, a gesture whenever you were irritated but still keeping that long hair because Yugyeom loves it. He kept watching you walk until you spotted your favourite roasted chestnut stall, the same old stall. Then your eyes suddenly caught his, making him flustered, flying away from your figure.

For the last two years, Yugyeom kept finding himself in a position where he wanted to have you all to himself, selfishly thinking to end his own suffering. He even went to the extent of calculating a plan to win you over, to kneel and to beg for you.

“You think she’ll take you back?” Yugyeom hated it when Jinyoung questioned his every move. He hated that Jinyoung always sounded right, always taking on your side instead of his. “Why do you think she left you in the first place?”

“Stop trying to bring me down.” he hated when Jinyoung was right.

“You don’t understand!” Jinyoung’s voice thundered, breaking through the silent apartment. “You don’t fucking understand why!”

Jinyoung has no reason to be mad to start with. However Yugyeom’s attempts at winning you over again made him seethed in anger, trying to set the poor boy straight.

“You don’t understand that she didn’t leave because she hated you. She was hurt. You fucking hurt her. You cheated on her and yet you wanted her to accept you back?” Yugyeom ran his eyes from Jinyoung’s, only to land on Bambam’s. That man was no longer his friend the day he revealed how you left him.

“Let’s put it this way, Gyeom-ah.” Apparently Youngjae is the calmer one hence he was with the right mind to put some good words inside Yugyeom’s brain. The other two were still angry, refusing to talk without a string of curse words. “You love one girl. You are crazy about her, you are willing to sacrifice everything for her.”

“I do love her-”

“Then one day, you came home to know that she’s been cheating behind your back. She had another man behind you, god knows how many men she has been sleeping with.”

“I didn’t sleep with them-”

Jinyoung beat him to it, punctuating each word. “Does she know?”

“Doesn’t it hurt you when the one that holds your trusts, betrays you?” Youngjae sat in front of him, patting his shoulder. “Doesn’t it hurt you?”

From that day he vowed to be better, to stop playing around and to start all over again.

“How could I make her love me again, hyung?” was one of frequent questions that he’s thrown to his friends. “How could I make her fall for me all over again?”

Mark was definitely the most sane of all, scooting closer to calm the broken boy. “Be a man, Yugyeom. Fix yourself. Fix the old you. Man up and explain yourself. Don’t hope for her to accept you back. Explain yourself and let the time decide.”

That was the reason he changed. He has long given up trying to make you fall into his arms again, however he wanted you to know what happened. You deserve an explanation. You deserve to know what happened and what should have happened. Each day the guilt weighed him to no end. At times he felt suffocated, being chased by the old memories, fragments of that day haunted him over and over again.

Yugyeom had never wanted to hug someone so much after he made eye contact with you that day.

He went home to Bambam, crying over the sadness bottling up his lungs. His fear came to reality, seeing you completely lost in the sea of people. He has totally broken you into pieces and he shall be the one putting you up again.

“Why are you avoiding her?” Jaebeom asks, watching Yugyeom lost in his own thought, his eyes staring into space. “What harm would you bring if you meet her?”

It has been known to his group of friends that Yugyeom met you again at the crosswalk and you are waiting for him every day. You hadn’t realised but his friends were there too, each day when you peered to see his shadow at the same spot like last time. His friends saw you whipped your head left and right, then when you can’t see him, your shoulder would slump and you would walk home like how you usually do.

Sad, broken, helpless.

“Go fix her, Gyeom-ah.” Jackson advises. “Things are getting worse for her. You need to be responsible for this. Don’t run from the problem. Face it. You’re a man.”

Yugyeom looks away from the mindless stare, focusing his vision on his hyungs. “What if I fuck up again? What if I made her fall for me and I fuck up again?”

“I never told you to make her fall again.” Jaebeom bent closer, patting the younger man on his head. “Fix her. Then let her decide. Don’t take advantage of her. Fix her. She’s broken. Help her realise that her life isn’t worth being pathetic for you.”

“Ouch.” Jaebeom smiles, rubbing circles on Yugyeom’s shoulder. “I’m proud of how far you have come. You have us but she has no one, Gyeom-ah. Help her fix herself as strong as you are. Then let her decide if you are worth accepting again.”

“Can I have it like usual?” the old grandma smiles, her hand is busy packing you a bag of roasted chestnut and honey coated chestnut. Your inside jumps at the delicious smell of your food, giddy to go home and devour them. Months ago you passed the route for Yugyeom. Today you passed the route for your old chestnut stall.

Securing the package, the old grandma proceeds to hand you the food with the change. While you busy yourself keeping the change, she clears her throat. “You look happy today.”

The statement makes you exclaim a small oh! before giving her a curious look.

Instead of replying, she laughs and starts cleaning her station. “It has been quite long since you stopped buying my chestnuts.”

“I guess the young man and you have parted ways?” she asks.

The question punches your gut, causing your bottle of emotion to shake and start making a mess inside you. It has been known to your circle about your break-up but to a stranger like the old grandma? Of course this hits you hard, knowing that a stranger managed to sniff your relationship like that.

She looks up when you don’t respond, offering a sweet apologetic smile. “I’m sorry if I offended you sweetheart. I saw you happy today, so I thought you’d move on from the young man.”

You didn’t actually blame her, she used to be fond of Yugyeom. Every time you stopped to buy, she would squeal at how nice and handsome Yugyeom is, much to Yugyeom’s liking. You guess that is a common thing to ask, since it has been two years and now you came alone.

“I guess we are not meant together, grandma.” you force a reply out of you, knowing that it probably hurt the old woman if you stayed silent. “We parted ways long ago.”

She hums, watching you dearly. “Do you love him, sweetheart?”

A mere question bursts a thousand emotions, that’s how your tears broke. You nod furiously, unable to contain the sadness anymore. You feel like a useless fool, you have no idea how Yugyeom has so much control in your life that once he’s out of your sight you’ve become this fragile.

She pulls you into her arms, giving you a comforting, motherly-hug. You don’t know if it helps because you feel so small in her arms and you cry your heart out, tired of bottling everything in. You wanted someone to talk to, but your friends won’t understand. They will continue to call you a weak person, someone who still loves a cheater like Yugyeom. You wanted to tell them that you are indeed a fool but you need them to stand back up again.

“Stop crying sweetheart.” she says softly. “I can see you love him so much. Why don’t you fight for your relationship?”

To that you cry even harder, countless ‘what ifs’ hits you again full force. Are you the one to be blamed in this situation? Are you the one who stopped fighting for your relationship? Why would you hold him back if he went around cheating while having you by his side? You are a human too, you can’t share what is yours.

“I don’t know the problem between you two, sweetheart. But what holds you from moving on is because you still have regrets.” she strokes your hair, calming you down. “Talk to him. Vent out your frustration. Let him know that you are not okay with this.”

She wipes away your tears-stained face, giving you an encouraging smile. “Then you can be at ease. You will feel better. You will, sweetheart.”

Words can’t describe how nervous you are, sitting in front of Yugyeom after two years. He looks equally nervous, a different kind of nervous. He looks like he’s afraid that you might break down - which you probably would - and he doesn’t know what to do. So after gulping your saliva for the nth time, you clear your throat, attempting to sort everything out.

If you guys are going to stay silent like this then this meeting won’t ease your mind.

“I’m sorry.” left you gaping, heart drumming at an intense rate. You watch Yugyeom’s Adam Apple bobs, arranging his words. “I am sorry for everything I did to you.”

You can’t say no, because indeed, he was the one to blame. “It wasn’t my intention.” he darts his panic eyes to you, licking his lips to continue, “to cheat. It was never an intention to cheat.”

You inwardly scoff, unbelievably irritated by his explanation. It wasn’t intentional? So like- what, he lost control of himself and suddenly made out with some random woman? It makes no sense and because it doesn’t; your irritation becomes more visible.

“What? You mean ‘oh I lost control of my limbs and suddenly a woman was riding me’? Disgusting.” you spat out words without thinking, your heart aches more than you can ever give him your empathy. You are disgusted with him.

As bad as your words come out, he stays collected; even more surprising to you. He shakes his head, leaning closer to the table that separates both of you. “No, I don’t mean it that way.”

“I never intended to cheat. Not because I got bored of you nor because I feel like cheating. I didn’t-” he doesn’t miss how your eyes narrow at his explanation, still feeling disgusted as he refused to come clean. “I didn’t sleep with anyone.”

‘Unbelievable-”

“Think what you want to, but I never slept with anyone when and after we dated. I admit I went clubbing and made out with some women,” he grimaces as he remembers the vague image in his head, “But I never bed them.”

“Never bed them?”

“I can’t. You are everywhere and I felt like I was committing a huge sin.”

“Technically, you were.” you can’t help but blurt it out.

“Yes. The worst sin I had ever committed.”

You feel your throat dries, knowing this is the time for you to ask him. This is the time for you to find out the truth. This is where your future lies. His answer will determine how your misery ends. This is where your curiosity will be answered and you feel yourself chickening out from this conversation. What if he breaks your heart again, reminding you how dumb you were, breaking things between you two without listening to him first?

However there is no way you’re running out of this restaurant. You’re here and you need to admit that no matter how dumb you were, you and him were over. A broken glass can’t be put back again so you decide to screw it. Timidly, you hang your head low and manage to let out a small but clear word. “Then..why?”

In return you heard Yugyeom scoffing, laughing to himself and stopped. That’s it. He’s about to make fun of you, saying how you are so clouded with your own conclusion and emotion, how you are always the one that overthinks, that you’re the reason why you break up.

Amidst your inner banter, you tip your head curiously and instantaneously your heart stops at how his face changes. You can see right through him, his pain and his misery. His face holds so much regret that you can almost feel the pain in his heart.

You can see the real Yugyeom, broken and in pain.

“I was stupid, y/n.” he says.

“I was stupid, I was scared. God I was so so stupid.” he repeats again, one after another. “I was scared because I started changing into someone I don’t know.”

“I dated you for just one year and I changed from a free boy to a committed boy. I was committed to our relationship and it scared me how I changed in a split second because of you.” he pauses to inhale a suffocating breath, painfully stabbing him through his lungs. “I was pathetic. I was so scared seeing how dependent I’ve been to you and I feel like you could control me with just a snap of your finger.”

You fall into silence, shaken by his confession.

However, silence was never Yugyeom’s favourite; yours top everything. He was scared to explain because he knows it will look unreasonable and pathetic in your eyes. He knows it is, judging by how ridiculous you’re looking at him now.

“So..you slept around because you were scared of changing?” the tone of your voice changes, exactly as cold as Yugyeom could remember, just the exact tone from the day things fall apart between you.

His head drops again, voice coming out with hesitation. “It sounds ridiculous, yes it does. But you don’t understand how scared I was. I was becoming someone under your control. It was weird because I usually have everything under my control. I wasn’t used to being under someone’s spell and it blinded me to the point where I don’t feel as happy as I was when hanging out with my friend just because you weren’t there.”

“Then I thought that’s probably because I hang out with you too much. I’ve become dependent on you, I thought that was totally ridiculous when Bambam told me that’s because I’m in love with you.”

His shoulder jolts when he lets out a forced laugh. “Me? Capable of loving? Love wasn’t in my dictionary back then, y/n. I was messing around and it threw me off guard when Bam mentioned that. Love? What kind of love would I be able to give you? I was a boy, I have nothing but a simple life. I wasn’t ready for commitment but you made me fall deeper for you.”

“So I messed up. Like how Kim Yugyeom would, I messed up.” for the first time since he spoke, he looked you straight in the eyes. “It took me two weeks to realise that ‘shit, I’m in love with y/n’ and another one week to get my shit together, thinking of how I should break it to you.”

You’ve been listening attentively to his explanation, the gears in your head moved rapidly, overlapping one issue with another.

‘So for one year he didn’t love me?’

‘But he did. Just he didn’t realise.’

‘But he needed three weeks to realise when he’s been with me for one year?’

‘He was confused, y/n.’

“What,” you inhale, composing yourself. “happened the day we broke up?”

You found out about him a few days before you broke up. One of your acquaintances kept hinting to you about your relationship. When she got unbearable that you can’t hold it anymore, you confronted her for the issue. To say that you were surprised, you weren’t entirely surprised. You were more disappointed than surprised. You don’t understand why.

“I guess I wasn’t careful. I don’t care for what if someone saw me because like I said, I thought I should take a break from you and back to my life before I met you.”

“Probably she was one of the women I danced with or I kissed-” he grimaces again. “I don’t know. I was ready to come home to you and make up for what I did.”

Silence falls between both of you again, unsure of what to say. It’s too much to absorb; at least to you. You have a lot to ask him but they disappear the moment Yugyeom shows you the whole picture. Now that you heard his explanation, your brain starts working more questions but unrelated to previous questions.

What now? What do you do? You heard his confession, you resolved your frustration. It turns out Yugyeom was a big idiot and it costs your relationship to make him realise that life isn’t all simple.

Your eyes dart to the man before you, hesitating to ask the real question. You know how much he broke you. You weren’t ready to hear that he moved on, but you wanted to know if you were to make a stupid move, you need to know what he feels about you.

“Do you…” you trail off, unsure how to put it. Yugyeom’s attention perks at your halt, watching you slowly shifting into panic mode. “Have you ever once..”

“Love me?” you feel small, you feel rejected. You always feel that when you’re with Yugyeom, you know how insecure you were when it comes to him. His view meant a lot to you and you guess after years, you haven’t changed. You still seek for his validation and that’s when you realise you have very little self-confidence.

Instead of scoffing like how you thought, Yugyeom offers a sweet smile, his eyes however, don’t shine as sweet as his smile. “I do, y/n.”

“I never stopped loving you, if that’s what you were wondering.”

He stops at that, making you wonder what’s wrong. He never stopped loving you. So? No continuation?

He laughs, leaning back to sip his chocolate drink. “I can hear your thoughts, y/n. I know you’re overthinking and you are irritated.”

“I never stopped loving you. But I don’t know if I’m worth your love again.”

“I have done a lot of damage to you, one of which is destroying your future without properly explaining what happened. I saw your shoulder slumped and I never saw that smile again.”

He grins, however it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I think I shall no longer exist in your life, y/n.”

You almost wanted to argue but he stops you with his next sentence. “I don’t want me to influence your life. You’re beautiful, y/n. You’re beautiful and you’re a confident woman once upon a time ago. That’s why I was attracted to you before. However dating me changed you into an insecure woman; I am sorry about that.”

“I don’t want you to consider accepting me again because you love me. No, I don’t want you to do that. I need you to remember that this man has broken you once and probably will break you again in the future. I want you to build yourself again, no not for me but for you. For your own sake. I know you always seek my validation which I enjoyed when we dated but I realised it has degraded your worth.”

Sincerity keeps pouring out of him and you feel your eyes become teary, then the next second you feel them running down your cheeks. “You are worth much more than my validation. You don’t need my validation nor me. You need yourself, you need to love yourself for you to be able to build yourself stronger.”

“Please don’t cry,” Yugyeom’s hand moves to hold yours, only to retreat back to his side. “I love you, y/n. Please remember that. But I can’t let myself stop you from finding yourself back. I don’t want you to be my slave because you love me. You need to build yourself again. I don’t want to be a distraction to you.”

“But I want you back in my life.” you choke on a sob, excruciating pain shoots through you. Yes you’re being dumb because he is right, you need to find yourself. You lost yourself right when you dated Yugyeom so you do need to rebuild yourself. However, losing Yugyeom for the second time, you don’t know if you’re ready for that.

For once he reached over to hold your hand in his, covering your tiny fist with his huge palm. “One day, y/n. If fate wants us to stay together, we’ll stay together. I’ll make myself worthy of your love again.”

“Just not now, sweetheart.” your eyes shut tight, releasing more and more tears. He’s right. He’s right and you hate how right he sounds. “I’ll wait patiently for you. I’ll wait for you to mend yourself, I’ll wait for you to accept me back.”

“But when?” you’re not going to give up. You want assurance, you want to know that Yugyeom will be there when you succeed in finding yourself.

“Soon, sweetheart. When you are ready, when your heart is ready. When fate is ready, I’ll be there to prove my worth.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

Soon, is an indefinite promise. Soon changes from weeks to months, months to years.

You stopped counting days after the sixth month, seeing you gained no difference in yourself, only looking forward to running into Yugyeom’s arms back again. You lied to yourself, saying you’ll find yourself when you’re with him. For months, you lied, desperately holding to that promise Yugyeom did during your last meeting. You assured yourself that you’ll change and he’ll come back sooner than you think.

On one random day, the string inside you snapped and suddenly everything hit you that Yugyeom was saying goodbye to you, he was ready to leave you. You cried for hours, angry and mad at how he played you. He coaxed you into believing that he’ll take you back when you change but deep down he knew that you won’t change. He knew that you will stubbornly lie to yourself because that’s how you did two years back. That’s how you lived after he walked out of your life, lying to yourself since that’s what you know the best.

Eight months and you saw a pattern changed in your lifestyle. You started sleeping early, giving your body enough sleep for the day. You started eating breakfast, something you’ve considered a few times but you always wake up late and rush to work. You started going out for a walk in the evening, tired of being trapped in the same apartment.

Walking alone was so cold, so boring and reminded you of old times. On impulse you detoured to a shelter one day, adopting a dog.

She is a small golden retriever, around 3 months old, active and very clingy. Adopting her helps you relax, focusing every single problem only on her, no other things. She, after weeks living with you, is finally called Chestnut. You laugh at yourself after you named her, so much for the originality.

Living with Chessy is everything you’ve needed. She helps you discipline, soon you fall into a routine that you yourself didn’t realise. Chessy is easy to take care, though quite fussy and picky with people. She doesn’t particularly like strangers and only warming up to people she’s chosen to warm up to, which is now, only three people. You, your mom and your dad. You never take it as a problem since you don’t really associate with other people anyways. Chessy’s behaviour also helps you at times where you want your co-workers out of your sight, she will bark at them immediately to chase them away.

Chessy becomes a part of you, someone who makes you look forward to coming home.

Soon has turned into three years, you changed into a more independent woman, leaving your old self behind. In the span of three years, you resigned, leaving your toxic coworkers and friends to a new workplace. You enjoy yourself, surrounded with a new and positive environment. Your current boss is everything you wanted, keep giving his employees chances to grow and soar high.

You, driven by the new environment, escalated your self esteem pretty quick, making you braver and stronger day by day. Your colleagues help in building your confidence, always there to guide you to be better. In short, you feel your life falling into the right places.

Perhaps this was what Yugyeom said.

Finding yourself is the best thing you’d ever achieve in your life. You never feel so happy than right now, where you feel that you can breathe easily without something weighing you down. Perhaps this was what Yugyeom wanted you to feel, before finding him again. This new version of you is unbreakable, built with much self-love and respect.

This version of you indeed, feels alive.

Fifth year and you’re living as a completely new person, someone easy-going and social. You’re still you, but a better version. Your fashion changes, your lifestyle changes and your mindset changes. You believe that everything happens for a reason, that you probably know what it is sooner or later. You believe that every decision and every step you take, you must be held accountable. You should not regret and dwell on that decision if it turns out wrong, but you’ll improve yourself to be better. And that includes making a wise decision.

You never have to ask for someone’s validation anymore. Your work, your decision, your mind. What you plan is what you’ll do. You’ve changed your working style and you have to admit, it is easier right now. You’re confident and always ready, it lessens the stress in you.

You never thought you’d arrive at this point.

Yugyeom was right.

After years being mad at him for standing you up, you finally agree that what he did was right.

It will be impossible for you to be at this point if he’s by your side, clouding your every decision. You’ll fall into the same routine again, you will never get to build yourself and act as your own person.

Sky decides that it’s a perfect time to cry and here you are, sitting with Chessy in your lap, nuzzling into your warmth. Your new apartment gives you a window with a ledge, a perfect place for you when you need your thoughts to run wild. You always use it to your fullest, especially on rainy days where you stay indoor, enjoying the warmth of your apartment.

Running your hand through her fur, you wonder.

‘Where are you at, Yugyeom-ah?’

The smell of coffee has always made you calm. You don’t know why but there are two smells that calm you. Coffee and Yugyeom. You smile, shaking your thoughts away as the cashier hands you your change. Your attention shifts to Chessy, who’s waiting outside of the coffee shop since she can’t come in. You’re on your usual evening walk with Chessy, a routine you won’t miss whenever weekend comes. Chessy enjoys a walk and so do you.

When your buzzer vibrates, you quickly get your coffee and that’s when your attention falls again on Chessy, sniffing a stranger’s hand outside the shop. Your heart thumps at the possibility that the person would kidnap Chessy; not that it would be possible since Chessy can bark really loud but you can’t be so sure, so you quicken your step outside, only to see Chessy shaking hands with a man in a checkered shirt.

“Chessy!” instantaneously, you exclaim, wondering how weird Chessy is, being kind to strangers.

Both your dog and the man jolt in surprise, you realise how he stiffens after you call out Chessy’s name. His outline seems familiar, a rush of cold air passes and you’re stunned at how easily your mind can recognise him.

The broad shoulders, the baseball cap, the checkered shirt, the worn-out jeans.

The scent.

“Chessy.” he repeats, cooing and patting your dog. “A sweet name for a cute dog like you, right sweetheart?”

“Your mom must be good at picking names.” he smiles, standing up from Chessy to face you.

“Yugyeom.” Just like that, memories from five years ago hit you, playing scenes after scenes in your head.

“Y/n.” he breathes out your name and your heart skips a beat, knowing how much you miss him. “I’m sorry. I don’t know she’s your dog. She’s so cute, obediently waiting outside the shop so I wanted to greet her.”

He grins at Chessy, who’s now by your side, wagging her tail happily.

You’re still stunned but you shall not show that you are, so you swallow your overwhelmness to respond.

“It’s okay. She likes you.”

His face lightens up, darting his eyes to Chessy. “Really? You like me?”

His whole behaviour screams your old Yugyeom but deep down you know, he’s not yours. You are still overwhelmed to meet him but as he said, fate will decide on it. You don’t search for him and you think he doesn’t search for you too. You think that’s just how fate wants you to meet. You have a lot to ask him.

How have you been? Did you do well? Do you know that I moved? Did you know that I changed my workplace? Have you been healthy?

All that stuff. You just want to catch a conversation, to be updated about him.

Your cheeks lift up, stretching a smile on your face. However it lasts shortly before you remember that he’s not supposed to touch Chessy.

“Wait. You shook hands with her just now?”

“Yes? Why?”

“You’re not supposed to!” you fuss, panicking. “You have allergies, remember? Oh my god why would you touch her?”

At that Yugyeom laughs. He laughs and your entire body stops functioning. It’s been too long since you heard him laughing and you want to capture his laugh in your mind in case fate decides that you shall no longer cross path after this.

“Why are you laughing?” you’re breathless but you are still worried. Why would he laugh? This is a serious situation. Yugyeom’s allergies hit quite hard before and he could be bedridden if he didn’t take his meds quickly.

“I’m okay with her fur. I am allergic but only to a certain type of fur.” he bends down to pat her again, before giving you an apologetic smile. “I need to go.”

“Oh.” you don’t intend your gasp to be that obvious but probably you wanted him to stay longer. It’s too short for five years. “I’m sorry for taking your time.”

He smiles and shakes his head. “No, y/n. I’m glad I met you.”

“Perhaps we can catch up again.”

“How?”

He starts walking backward, eyes promising another meeting. “Like how today happens.”

Funny how five years you’ve been in the neighbourhood, you had never once met Yugyeom, coincidentally or accidentally. Probably you’ve been busy with work, with the newest project that kept you at work even on weekends. However since it was submitted last week, you have some free time to yourself and are able to take a walk during the weekend.

And then you met Yugyeom again the next two weeks.

He was out for a jog and you were on your routine, bringing Chessy for a walk. Days passed and you felt your schedules synchronised, every time you’re out for a walk, he’s out for a jog too. It feels too real to be true that you start making all sorts of assumptions in your head.

“I think you’re stalking me.” was the first thing you said to Yugyeom after you met him for the fourth time. “It’s impossible that I met you every time I am out with Chessy!”

He laughed as you kept accusing him for stalking you, before replying “Maybe I’m just interested in Chessy. Right, sweetheart?”

Chessy barked happily, siding with Yugyeom even more.

Fourth becomes fifth, and fifth becomes tenth.

You decided that you don’t have an issue with your schedules synchronised so you start adjusting to the change, to the extent of having coffee with him after your walk.

“I think it’s just useless if I were to have chocolate every time after I went for a jog.” Yugyeom sips on his drink, almost spluttering his chocolate drink when he meets your judging eyes. He cracks up as you try not to stab him with your straw.

“Is it my fault then? I never forced you to drink with me!”

“You did.” he points out. “You asked me ‘do you want to have some drink?’”

“I asked if you want to, not that you are obligated too.” you roll your eyes, sipping your own coffee. “Chessy, your admirer is so annoying.”

Yugyeom chuckles, setting down his drink on the table. “You don’t force me. I just want to.”

That statement skips your heart a beat, however you did not press on it. You let it flow, savoring your friendship. You decide that it is the best if you stay as friends first, there is no need to get into a relationship where both of you might screw up again. You need to build a strong foundation first, before taking the responsibility.

Your weekend meetings continue, both of you start updating on your life. You with your work and Yugyeom about the guys and his life. It becomes a routine between you two, now you are sure that your schedules aren’t synchronised, it is more to you actually serving an empty slot just for him.

Like he does for you.

After months, you meet his friend circle again, just him inviting you to their gathering. You never thought that you’ll miss them; well you don’t have time to think about them before. You never thought you’d feel complete when you saw Jaebeom and Bambam bicker or Jackson and Jinyoung dissing each other. You just feel like a misplaced puzzle inside you finally fits, finally relocates and completes.

“What are you thinking?” Yugyeom asks as he walks you home from the gathering. You choose to walk rather than drive, just in case they decide to drink so you’ll take a cab home. But Yugyeom offers to walk with you, Bambam taking his car home instead.

“Us.”

He stops in his tracks, watching you still walking forward. You know that he’s afraid of mentioning it first. You saw his curious eyes and you can’t blame him for not bringing this up. He still fears that he’ll make the same mistake and will break you again.

So you turn around, smiling as bright as you can, determined to make him see that you are ready.

“Are you sure, y/n?” he licks his lip nervously. “I can wait. I don’t want you to feel burdened. If you don’t want me then I’m good with it.”

“Yugyeom.” you reach to hold his hands, gripping it tight. “I am sure with my decision.”

“I’ve thought of it over and over again and if I want someone else I should already have them now. But I don’t want someone else. I want you.”

“But what if,” his voice falters, fear starts clouding his mind. “What if I hurt you again? What if I make a mistake again?”

His voice comes out like a squeak, like he’s too vulnerable and scared.

“Gyeom-ah.” you call him, still caressing his hand. “We can make this right. We’ll talk about what is working and what’s not. We need to be honest to each other.”

“We’ll be rational and sort things out. We will, Yugyeom. We will.”

“We will?”

You nod, etching a smile. “We will.”

Winter has never been warmer than that night. Yugyeom finds you in his arms again, stronger and unbreakable. He’s relieved, though worried what the future has for both of you.

For now he’ll focus on you, the one that fills his empty space.

[ Writings ]

#yugyeom fic #kim yugyeom fic #got7 yugyeom fic #yugyeom fanfic #yugyeom angst #yugyeom imagines #got7 yugyeom fanfic #got7 yugyeom angst #got7 yugyeom imagines #got7 fanfic #angst fanfic #got7 angst fanfic #happy 1k to me!#milestone #milestone fic #celebratory fic

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bearseokie · 4 years ago

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Hiii happy early birthday can I request 13 with Yugyeom 💖

13. "I'm here to get rid of a hangover."

pairing: yugyeom x gender-neutral reader genre: roommate! au, college! au, comedy, fluff warnings: hungover yug, you Almost kiss words: 1.1k summary: Yugyeom returns home in the morning with a hangover, and in order to fight it off, he distracts himself by helping you study for a test. A/N: thank you love!

got7 m.list | navi.

With the sun recently risen, the loud chirps of birds called outside your window winded you awake. You were sleepless, stressed from an upcoming test for a class later that afternoon. Having tossed and turned, you sat up with a pout while throwing the covers off your body. With the birds singing to you, you tried to shake off the constant worry of studying, knowing you did it all that night and only needed the highlights today.

Your room was still dark from the sun rising on the opposite end of your building, a sudden crash from your kitchen startling you. Standing in nothing more than a large t-shirt in the middle of your room, you grabbed a wooden bat. Opening your bedroom door quietly and peering out, whoever was in your apartment happened to be searching through a box of your cereal. Pouring it into a bowl, they scavenging for milk in the fridge.

"Kim Yugyeom!" you whined, making him jump and hit his head against the top of your refrigerator's door.

The tall man stood, palming the growing lump on his head from the impact. With his bottom lip stuck out, his tattered clothing clung to his body as if he had been wearing it all night. Scuffing his thick hair, his hand moved to shut the fridge's door back shut.

"Oh!," you yelled, his groan making you walk towards him and offer some comfort to the sudden pain by placing your hand on his arm. "Are you alright?"

"I'm sure I'll be fine once this minor concussion subsides." he murmured, opening the freezer door and pulling a frozen bag of vegetables out to place against his head. "Can't a guy make cereal in his own home?"

You sighed, not having been warned that he would be making his way home from a party that night this early in the morning. Yugyeom's schedule had been made opposite of yours, your day going from morning to night, his going night to morning. Usually, you would find him passed out on the couch just before you went to class, but that wasn't the situation today.

"I didn't know you were coming home this morning," you stated, watching him retrieve the carton of milk from the fridge.

"I'm here to get rid of a hangover," he said gently.

Holding the bag of frozen peas to his head, he poured the milk, placing it back into the fridge before getting a spoon from the silverware drawer. Wobbling his way over to the counter, he took a seat on one of the stools and began to eat. Still holding the bag to his scalp, he glared at your freshly-waken state. Eyeing your bare legs beneath the over-sized shirt, a blush rose on his cheeks. You awkwardly coughed, leaning against the bat like it was a cane as you kept from looking into his eyes. With the air thick, you turned back towards the fridge, staring at the small notepad written with your testing schedule.

"I have a test later." you sighed, reading over your quick handwriting on the magnetic notepad. "I need to go over the highlights."

Spinning on your heels, you felt his eyes follow your figure as you walked down the hallway towards your bedroom. Shutting the door, you were in and out in minutes after getting yourself decent enough to go back around him. Carrying your bag out to the living-room beside the kitchen, you tossed it down onto the couch and made your way towards the fridge again for a glass of water.

"What are you studying for?" he asked, making your head turn to look at him, the glass in your hand shaking.

"Uh," you stuttered, looking over the note again like the subject managed to slip from your mind from his simple question. "It's a test that follows a timeline. You have to memorize what happened and when."

His head lightly nodded at your words, standing from the stool to place his empty bowl in the sink. Walking over to the couch, he sat down and tapped the open cushion beside him for you to take a seat.

"You made flashcards, right?" his question already had an answer.

You and Yugyeom had become roommates the start of your freshman year of college, and though he rarely had any classes, he still knew the gist of school. Having been roommates for a handful of months now, he didn't ignore how you would sit in the dimness of the overhead light of the stove late at night redoing notes and making flashcards to study. Most of the time he would offer to pick up food for you so you didn't have to take a break for too long, but this was the first time he offered to help you study.

"You want to help?" you asked, his grin and head bobbing in a nod making your face contort in confusion.

"I have to fight off this hangover somehow, and sleeping will just make me more miserable," he said with a laugh. "Come on, let's study!"

You sat on opposite ends of the couch, your bag now discarded to the floor as he slipped card after card to the back of the pile. Reading off the description of the date first, he helped you catch the rhythm of the timeline before swapping and reading it the opposite way, saying the date for you to answer with the description. An hour had passed, and Yugyeom was beginning to mess with you by reading the descriptions in different ways to see if you still knew what date it was.

"You're confusing me!" you whined, crawling towards him to snatch the cards from his large hands.

"No!" he giggled. "I'm testing you for your test! You need to know them in different ways in case your professor writes them out of order."

He wasn't entirely wrong, having taken the exact same test his freshman year and being interrogated by the descriptions being out of order.

"You know I'm right," he spoke softly, head tilting down to give you a displeased look.

Sighing, you gave in to his shenanigans. With a playful grin, you went over the cards another time, his hand around your wrist when you would reach for the cards in confusion. Grip tight, his laughter was contagious as you fidgeted against his hold with your own burst of humor. Pulling yourself from him to get to the cards, the deck finally found your fingertips. With gravity in place, your body leaning away from the back of the couch caused you to slip to the ground, Yugyeom's body falling onto yours. Nothing but laughter in the air, his eyes met yours below him.

"Thanks for helping me," you said to him gently, his lips pressing together to raise into a toothless smile.

"Anytime," he said, inches away from his lips capturing yours.

#got7 #got7 fic #kim yugyeom got7 #got7 yugyeom #got7 scenarios #got7 drabble #got7 fluff #yugyeom x reader #yugyeom fluff #yugyeom fic #kim yugyeom fic #ask box: mail's here! 💌#got7.drabble

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jj-ktae · 6 years ago

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Tape 69 (M)

Title: Tape 69 Pairing: Yugyeom x Reader  Genre: Smut  Words:  3249 Summary: When your boyfriend tells you he still has that one video of you two having wild drunk sex, you decide to watch it again.   Warning: Explicit, Oral sex, butt-fingering, strong language. I don’t know what happened to me.

 Kink - Mixophilia: a kink related to watching yourself having sex. Recording sex and mirrors are two ways to enjoy this kink.

Written for The Kink Chronicles, a collaboration with @parkhabits.

Tape 69 “Do you promise not to get mad?”

You groan. Why do you hear that so often? Why is Yugyeom so down for trouble that he spends half of his life on the verge of being murdered?

You love your boyfriend although you find yourself questioning whether he has a death wish or not. The latter comes back from his room, his hair a mess. Yugyeom had just moved out of his parents’ house and was still trying to sort his belongings while you were decorating the living-room. Yugyeom is a minimalistic person, he can live with a few colours and plain walls.  But this place is so depressing.

You readjust the lamp, turning it on to check the lightning effects. “What is it?” You continue, trying to focus on your task. You couldn’t count the number of stupid things he already did, and you wouldn’t even be surprised if he had stuck something up his nostrils in a moment of overconfidence.

Yugyeom shifts, getting closer to get your attention. He knows you won’t like it. “Remember that one time we were drunk…my parents were away and we crashed at my house…” he stops, gauging your level or irritability upon realising what he is talking about.

You tilt your head, merely remembering the moment itself. You do remember the day after, when Yugyeom told you he would get rid of all the evidence and never mention what happened that night again. You don’t like where this is going. “Keep going…?” you urge him, walking toward the soon-to-be empty box to grab the last items.

“You do remember that I was supposed to get rid of…the video.” He pinches his own lips, his eyes focused on your expression.

You really don’t like where this is going. “And you did, right?”

Yugyeom stays silent, confirming what you knew would happen all along. You knew it. He never mentioned it again and you preferred not to ask. Maybe it’s because you knew he would keep it. You give him too much responsibilities, sometimes.

Your arms go limp by your side as you stare at your boyfriend, resigned. “You still have it, right?”

Yugyeom’s lips turn into a guilty pout and he nods, a memory stick appearing between his fingers.

You close your eyes, wondering why on earth are you going out with such a boy. He always does things that he knows are going to make you turn crazy but still, he does it, every single time. You don’t know what to tell him for the situation is awkward.

After all, Yugyeom has a wild night of sex and weird kinks in the palm of his hand.

You’re about to run after him to rip the outrageous item but something hits you. Come to think of it, why would he even tell you about it? Knowing Yugyeom, he would rather hide his own idiocy than expose his ass and receive the cold treatment. He could pretty much destroy the memory stick, or simply erase it and no one would even know about it.

He lets you think on your own, hoping you’d get it without him having to speak words he definitely doesn’t feel confident enough to utter just yet.

You blink rapidly when you’re almost sure you understand. “And you’re telling me because you want us to watch it together?” Your hands go to rest on your hips, almost scolding Yugyeom who can only smirk in exchange.

“How do you know me so well?” He mocks when he understands the situation is cleared. You didn’t try to break his knees yet so he is safe.

You roll your eyes. “You’re just so dumb, it’s exactly the sort of thing someone as dumb as you would propose.” He looks offended for a second but overcomes his little crisis by grabbing your hand.

“I’ve already set the television.” He pulls you across the room, taking you with him into his now neat bedroom.

You sit on the bed while he plugs the memory stick. You don’t really remember what happened. Yugyeom was wasted that night, but he does seem to know what happened, if you judge it by how red his face is now.

He barely explained anything the day after, insisting on the fact that he could only remember a couple of things.

The video starts with Yugyeom putting his phone on the tiny office in front of his bed. You recognize instantly his old bedroom. He giggles like a little boy, his teeth showing and eyes glossy. After everything is set, he speaks, tone sultry.

“Because you always say you can hold your liquor.” He looks proud of himself as he gets up and you see yourself appear behind him, singing wildly. You’re dancing around, mimicking ballet dance moves –and you know you cannot dance ballet.

“Sweetz! Put some music, we ain’t done with the party!” You cringe at yourself, barely moving when Yugyeom sits next to you, expectant. You don’t want to see the look on his face as you know he must feel so proud of himself for capturing such a rare moment of you losing your sanity.

“Coming right up!” Yugyeom muses, running to his laptop and turning on some way too lustful music.

The notes are soft and the vibe is so slow, you wonder how you didn’t complain back then. Maybe Yugyeom had an ulterior motive when he filmed you. Oh well, he was drunk anyways. He is dumb when he is sober, he can’t be this vicious after a couple of drinks.

“Dance with me!” You laugh way too loudly, just as Yugyeom appears behind you to grind his hips against your buttocks. “I love it when you dance!”

Your hand unconsciously goes to your cheek, grabbing the flesh in horror. How were you even that drunk? How much did you drink that night, exactly? You send a quick glance toward Yugyeom who doesn’t even notice your embarrassment.

It’s like he knows what is about to happen.

And he does. He knows exactly how fast the tables turn. He watched it once. Just once. It was when you went on holidays with your family and he had nothing but his hand to fulfil his desires. He watched it once and he still remembers how thick and prominent his cum was against his hand and jeans.

He also remembers everything you said.

Which is why he doesn’t even shift when you both hear your voice, sound and clear.

“Eat me.”

You gasp, not used to hear such boldness right in the middle of a heated dance. You’re not a prude, especially with a boyfriend who can say and do the dirtiest things with the same flushed face and doe eyes.

But this, you didn’t see it coming.

The Yugyeom on the video complies way too quickly and pushes you on the mattress before lifting your floating dress. He almost rips your legs apart.

“My babe’s already dripping~” he muses.

You look at your boyfriend but at some point, you know he is gone. That little shit enjoys it. He is so focused, with his tongue licking down his lips briefly.

Your attention goes back to the television and you can only cover your face when you see the way he lifts your thong to let it rest on your thigh. You’re not used to have such a good view of your core, but it’s doesn’t last long.

Because Yugyeom is already on it.

How the hell did he inclined the camera so well? Yugyeom can’t even take a picture without it being blurry. Why is his tongue so clearly lapping at your folds when he simply let his phone rest on the office?

You start moaning, the alcohol making you rotate your lips against Yugyeom’s face and he smirks against it. You both see it. You shift on the bed, refusing to accept the fact that this, right here, is absolutely and utterly turning you on.

You don’t know why, but something about how clearly pleased Yugyeom looks makes you feel waves after waves of heat. You watch intently as he smirks against your folds, his lips and chin glistening and hands lifting your legs higher.

He gives one long lick and stops. “So damn tasty…” then he goes back at full force, flicking your clit until you start squirming.

You both sigh when he stops.

But jump when you see him slap your ass, laughing loudly.

“That must have hurt…” you hear Yugyeom mumble next to you, eyes still on the screen and cheeks as red as ever. He never thought he could be so...wild.

There’s silence for a while, during which you see yourself get up on the bed to go toward Yugyeom. He is impatiently unbuckling his belt while you grab his face to kiss him a little bit too hungrily. The noises are loud and a mixture of smacking and sucking, echoing in the silent room.

You tilt your head when you see yourself kneeling on the bed. You know what you’re about to do.

Yugyeom stops breathing next to you when he sees you. He parts his lips, eyes following your mouth which is now opening around his tip. He hears himself groan and it takes all he has not to do the same. You look so beautiful.

He particularly loves the third person point of view. It’s easier for him to see your tongue darting and rubbing against his bulbous head. You make such dirty noises in that damn video.

His pants are so tight all of a sudden.

You watch your own face with great interest, analysing every move from the way your hand play with his balls to the kisses you lend at the base of his shaft.

But you stop, letting go of his penis with an obvious popping sound.

“Take your clothes off.” You’re back on kissing him, words muffled and trying to stick your mouths together as he starts opening his large shirt. You both separate long enough for him to take his pants and boxer off, before he lifts your dress over your head and throw it away.

“Baby…” You’re totally absorbed, eager to know what the hell is going to happen, so you don’t hear Yugyeom’s voice coming from right next to you.

He sits closer, his body almost shaking and you finally understand that the real Yugyeom is the one speaking now. “It’s…I’m so..” he sighs, his forehead against your shoulder. “This is seriously turning me on…” He grabs your hand and presses it against his obvious bulge, finally getting your full attention. He offers a little whine when you squeeze it gently.

It’s true. You’re turned on, too.

You send another look to the screen, where you’re both naked and kissing on the bed.

“Let me just…” Yugyeom doesn’t like how you’re more focused on his virtual self than his real boner, so he lets your hand work on his bulge and tilts your head toward his face, kissing you.  From there, it also escalades quickly. You don’t know how or when, but you’re suddenly half naked with a hungry Yugyeom next to you. He almost tears your underwear off, stopping only to stare and caress your skin. He touches you everywhere, your moan like the ones in the video and Yugyeom thinks he is about to faint.

It’s like a 3D audio of endless moaning. It enters his soul so fast he can only moan back, rubbing himself against your side. You can’t take your eyes of what is happening and you’re amazed to see that Yugyeom is aiming for your breast at the same it happens on the video.

Just how many times did he watch this?

A loud moan startles you and you literally freeze. You plop on your elbows while Yugyeom is licking your nipple and you see it, you see it clearly.

You don’t remember trying this position with Yugyeom. “Just like that, suck it good…yeah…”

Yugyeom hides in face in your shoulder when he hears himself in the video. “Oh my…” He had totally forgot about how dirty he was that day.

You don’t even listen to him anymore.

“Why don’t I remember this?” You question your boyfriend without even breaking away from the screen.

He smirks against your skin, his arousal way too painful to be ignored anymore. “It’s a pity you don’t remember, shall we refresh your memory?”

At the same time, moans fill the room because apparently, Yugyeom decided to go havoc on your pussy.

It’s weird to see yourself over Yugyeom, upside down and facing his swollen dick. At the same time he is right against your pussy, licking all the way down and back up. Your hips wriggle against his lips, coating his chin and he almost disappears between your folds, moaning as you’re devouring his penis hungrily.

You both stimulates yourself at the same time, and you can’t help but stare at his arms circling your waist and sticking your mound deeper against his face.

That sixty-nine position is really, really arousing.

Trying to process the situation would take too much time, especially with Yugyeom already lying down and making you sit so you can lay in the opposite direction, over him.

He wants that sixty-nine, right now.

“Come here…” he pushes on your butt and wastes no time mimicking the actions occurring on the big screen. You shiver against his mouth, burning and frantic with desire. “Touch me.” Is all he pleads before lapping at your skin, agonisingly slow.

At the same time you hear all these moans. Yugyeom doesn’t stop there you notice, for his finger starts rubbing against you. He even taps the wet skin, creating erotic sounds and turning the room into a mess of sounds and slurs.

You instinctively grab his dick, glancing at the screen and bending to do the same. Your lips wrap against his head, sucking hard on the flesh and making Yugyeom moan. It makes you moan too, the vibration too stimulating.

It’s a never-ending circle and you find the whole concept amazing.

You finally stop staring to focus on the task at hand. You lick up and down, fingers fondling with his balls and tongue circling the twitching flesh. It’s one of the most intense sex you’ve ever experienced with your boyfriend.  A loud gasp makes you look up, mouth still full and opened widely to take all of Yugyeom. You tilt your head, observing how his other finger is now dangerously close to your butthole. He barely grazes over it, making the you in the video push against his teasing finger.

Wait, you definitely don’t remember him fingering your-

“Thrust it in my ass.”

You could have choked on his dick if it wasn’t for the surprising feeling against your ass, right now.

Yugyeom is also teasing, unable to stop himself from recreating the exact same scene and he loves it, you feel it from the way his dick twitches against your mouth. He starts teasing, the same way he is currently doing in the video.

You try to tear your eyes from the video and eat him deeper, almost tickling your nose with his hairy skin. He raises his hips, aiming for more warmth as the tip of his fingers teases deeper.

“Like that…?” He says in the video, just as he starts thrusting it in, his other finger aiming for your pussy to thrust it into your core at the same time.  “Damn it, baby…finger them both, yeah…like that…” You sound so relieved in the video as he pushes both his index and middle finger inside you.  You let go of his dick when he does the same under you.

You didn’t expect this to build your arousal even stronger. He knows you like it, he can feel his finger slide in your pussy so well while his other one get tightly wrapped into your puckered muscle, not even caring about the mess it creates as it faintly drips on his face. He doesn’t stop licking, tongue aiming for every piece of skin.

His middle finger goes deeper into your buttocks, making you go faster on his dick. He goes all the way in, one finger now deeply inside your pussy while the other one disappears into your rear.

Yugyeom didn’t know he would do it again. He didn’t remember it being so damn arousing. The way you squirm over him, how wet you are, how his fingers penetrate you and get engulfed into your warmth.

He loves it when you start shaking.

But he doesn’t need to wait for too long before he can’t stand it anymore. You’re moaning so loudly it makes his dick vibrate violently. His tip hits the back of your throat, while your fingers are tight against his balls.

He part just in time to warn you and it’s crazy how he does the same in the video, a second later.

You don’t slow your pace, hoping he would take the hint and do the same.

And he does. He pulls his fingers back and thrust them back in, mesmerised at how tight your ass feels against him.

He cums when he can’t hold it anymore. You’re a mess of moans and hisses, just like you are in the video and the thought is enough to send him over the edge.

He parts from your pussy to breath, struggling with air, “I’m about to- I’m about to-” he stutters, hips violently rising up to meet your mouth and he is sure he literally explodes into your busy mouth.

You welcome everything with lust, brain too clouded to even care if it hits the deepest parts of your throat and swallow everything. Yugyeom pants under you, the waves too strong for him to focus and making him thrust faster into both of your holes.

You let your head fall on his pelvis when he is done, the corner of your mouth stained with semen slowly dripping down your chin. You open your mouth to scream but nothing comes out of it, the pleasure making it hard for you to voice out any sort of feeling.

Yugyeom observes every detail, every inch of his finger entering you until you start shaking over him.

Your orgasm makes you jerk on top of him. You don’t even warn him, the feeling blinding your vision and turning every muscle into a stiff mess. You contract around his fingers, releasing essence and he doesn’t think he will ever stop loving that sight in front of him.

When you’re done, he slows down, careful not to cause discomfort as he pulls out completely to tap your butt lazily.

You offer one last look at the video, where your body is spent over his. The screen goes dark a second later, signalling the end of the video.

“So…you’re not mad at me, right?” Yugyeom whispers, now embarrassed and turning red with the realisation of what he just did.

“We should keep this video.” You pant, getting up to lay down next to him.

His eyebrows raise while he turns to the side to look at you. “No need to.”

You laugh tiredly, “Why?” you definitely wouldn’t mind watching it again, just like you wouldn’t mind him fingering the hell out of your butt another time.

“Let’s make a new one.” He jumps on you a second later, your laugh now the only thing staining the wall of his new bedroom.

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chwetuan · 6 years ago

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Hugs With Yugyeom! (mini scenario, f)

alright kids, it’s time to get soft on a Monday night... -Z

1. the soft kind

- reserved for moments when Yug can’t stop his heart from swelling in your presence

- Could be 10am on a Sunday morning, when he walks out to see you stationed over your stove with a stack of pancakes next to you

- Or could be 11pm on a thundering Thursday night, when you’re peeking out the window watching the clouds flash silver

- Regardless, he starts by holding your hand and tugging you gently into his embrace

- They’re the kind that feel like they last forever

- He just....

- Holds you

- It’s beautiful

2. the rushed kind

- it’s 7:45 on a Monday morning and he should have left for practice 10 minutes ago

- But the bed was so warm and you were sleeping so soundly

- He couldn’t help but snooze his alarm not once, not twice, but three times

- Now he’s buzzing around the apartment, muttering a list to himself of all the stuff he needs to have before leaving. “Keys, phone, charger...”

- You’re watching him from the doorway of your room, and when he turns around to grab his jacket off of the table, he spots you

- Then he’s grabbing the jacket and quickly dashing over to you, pulling you into a half-hug as he kisses your forehead

- On the way out he yells a mixture of “call you later” & “love you”

3. the protective kind

- he honestly can’t stand to see you anxious or upset

- so when you come home with tears in your eyes

- his heart just shatters

- and logically, he knows he can’t do anything to fix what you feel

- but he can make you feel loved and cared for

- he holds you tightly against his chest and kisses your head

- he feels his stomach drop when he feels your body shake with sobs

- he whispers that it’s alright and that he’s always there

(mlist) (latest scenario)

requests: open

#unedited #im soft #im sorry he just makes me SOFT #kim yugyeom #got7 yugyeom #kim yugyeom fluff #kim yugyeom imagine #kim yugyeom drabble #kim yugyeom fic #got7 reactions #got7 scenarios #kpop fluff #kpop #kpop drabbles #kpop fanfiction #kim yugyeom x reader #kim yugyeom fanfiction

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taexual · 7 years ago

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Confession / Yugyeom x Reader

PART ONE OF THIS REQUEST IS HERE

Yugyeom finds out you talk in your sleep but he feels too awkward to discuss it. Then, something happens that makes him realize that by pushing this away, he might never find out if what you said was true.

Pairing: Mafia AU!Yugyeom x Reader

Warnings: violence, some strong language

Words: 3.5k

guess who’s back i apologize immensely for taking so long to upload this! i hope you enjoy, though!

Requests by anon: hey! if it isn’t too much but is there anyway you can write a part 2 for AU mafia yugyeom? if you can’t that’s totally cool:-) love your blog btw

@ oppatuan : Hi ^^ i really liked your mafia reaction and i noticed some have more parts... and i was thinking could you do this to the other members??? (oh im talking abt got7) im actually curios abt it. ^^ sorry to bother. Bujt if you want one to do it you can do it of yugyeom or jinyoung.

Ever since that night when you finally gathered enough courage to go to Yugyeom’s room and confront him about your lack of communication despite being married, the two of you were constantly together. You just learned that there was so much the two of you had in common, it was impossible to postpone all the conversations you could have had and all the things you could have done. You wanted to do it all now.

“I know you two are married,” his brother said one morning as he saw you both climb down the stairs. “But, my God, have you ever spent any time separately at all?”

You and Yugyeom looked at each other and silently decided to ignore what his brother just said.

“Oh, teaming up against me now, are you?” his brother questioned, smiling a little. “Alright. I won’t bother you. Though, it would be nice to see my little brother every now and then.”

Yugyeom groaned, losing the cool posture he came here with. “You do see me.”

“Only if my lovely sister-in-law is with you,” his brother replied, winking at you while you shook your head. “I need attention, too, you know. In fact, I don’t even understand how the two of you still find stuff to talk about.”

“Well, we’ve moved on to discuss the Schrödinger and Hamiltonian equations,” you replied. “Actually, Yugyeom was just teaching me the time-dependent Schrödinger equation.”

His brother stared blankly for a few moments before he took a deep breath.

“Okay, then. I understand that this is my cue to leave before this turns into an episode of Big Bang Theory,” he said, walking out of the room and leaving you and Yugyeom alone.

Smiling, you looked at Yugyeom only to see his raised eyebrows.

“What?” you asked.

“I can’t even pronounce the names you just dropped. What even is that?” he questioned.

“I have no idea,” you replied, laughing. “I heard that in school but I never actually learned about it.”

“Right, okay,” Yugyeom said, laughing, too. “Nice way to get rid of my brother so we can go back to talking about which K-drama we’ll be watching next.”

“Exactly. And I don’t regret staying up all night to finish those last six episodes at all,” you said half-jokingly.

“I’m pretty sure you fell asleep during that last one,” Yugyeom said. “In fact, you kind of talked in your sleep.”

Oh. That couldn’t have been good, especially judging by the awkward expression on Yugyeom’s face.

“Really?” you asked, trying to remain calm. “What did I say?”

Yugyeom looked like he didn’t intend to bring this topic up, but he was stuck with it because the words came out accidentally. He didn’t really want to keep talking about it but now you were really curious what you could have possibly said in your sleep.

“I think you were, uh, talking to one of your friends,” Yugyeom started slowly, while he avoided your eyes. “But you were talking about me.”

Oh, boy. Clearly, based on his flustered state, you said some weird things.

“I’m sorry if I called you an asshole,” you said. “I tend to be hostile sometimes in my dreams.”

Yugyeom laughed awkwardly. “No, it’s not that. You were kind of telling someone that you were falling in love with me.”

You didn’t know it was possible to feel hot and cold at the same time, and yet here you were, feeling your entire face heat up, while shivers ran down your body. Fucking hell.

“Oh,” you said, realizing that if you stayed quiet and just stared at him, it’d be even worse. “I said… that, huh? Interesting.”

“Yeah,” Yugyeom nodded, still avoiding your eyes. “I kind of thought you were just quoting the drama we were watching but then you, uh, mentioned my name, so…”

The list of times when you wanted to disappear wasn’t very long. There was that one time this kid in kindergarten made you laugh so hard, you peed your pants in front of everyone. There was also the time your friend pushed you right into your crush in middle school, and you ended up knocking your forehead against his, which sent both of you to the nurse’s office and that boy never talked to you again. Yet, none of those times were as horrible as this.

As you stared at the cup of coffee in your hand, you wanted nothing more but to get away from here and wallow in embarrassment before you got ready to see Yugyeom again. If that ever happened.

“Yugyeom,” his brother’s voice called out again. This time, it lacked the teasing tone, however. “Can I talk to you?”

“Yeah, sure,” Yugyeom said and you could physically see relief radiating off of him because he didn’t have to discuss this topic with you any longer. Needless to say, as he walked out of the kitchen after his brother, you felt relieved, too.

Grabbing your cup and a few cookies to snack on, you headed to your bedroom, preparing to stay locked up in there for as long as this feeling of awkwardness stayed with you. So, for the rest of your life, probably.

However, almost as soon as you finished drinking your coffee, someone knocked on your door. Taking a deep breath, you climbed off your bed and opened the door to see Yugyeom biting his lip behind it. You still weren’t ready to face him but he already looked uncomfortable so your awkwardness would have made it worse. Which is why you decided to pretend as if the conversation in the kitchen didn’t happen at all.

“What’s up?” you asked, smiling widely but then feeling your eye start to twitch because of your obviously fake facial expression.

“I’m, uh, I’m leaving,” Yugyeom said. “There’s this job my brother and I have to do. It’s urgent, so—”

“Oh. Is it dangerous?” you asked, feeling worried already.

“Well… not more than it usually is,” Yugyeom answered with a small, dry laugh. “I just came to check up on you, I guess. Do you want to, uh, hang out after I come back?”

He was almost blushing as he said this and you mentally cursed yourself for saying those things when you were asleep, because this invisible wall of awkwardness was between you two again, and you’ve fought so hard to tear it down and learn to be somewhat comfortable around each other.

“Yeah,” you said, smiling and this time, meaning it. “I’d love to.”

Yugyeom just nodded, trying to come up with what else to say. “Okay. So, I’m going to go now.”

“Okay,” you replied. “Stay safe.”

He nodded once again and gave you a small wave before walking down the hallway away from your room. You watched him disappear down the stairs and then closed the door of your bedroom, releasing a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

As you waited for Yugyeom to return from the job he was doing with his brother, you tried to decide if you were excited about hanging out with him again, or scared. You did want to see him again – you always wanted to see him – but you were also terrified that the confession in your sleep would change things between you two. Of course, you were married, but your marriage started by the two of you ignoring each other for a decent amount of time and now that you finally managed to get closer to each other, you had to tell him you were falling in love with him.

Were you falling in love with him, though? You definitely felt very fondly towards him but you’ve never been in love with anyone before, so how would you even know what that felt like? But then again, there’s the beating of your heart when he looks at you. There’s the clenching of your stomach when he laughs at something you said. There’s the sweating of your hands when he—

An unexpected knock on your door interrupted your thoughts, forcing you to jump up from your bed in shock.

You opened your door to reveal Yugyeom – biting his lip just like he did a few hours ago – standing outside of it. He looked tired but other than that, he didn’t look any different than he did usually, except for his clothes, which were all entirely stained with blood.

“Oh my God,” you gasped at the sight of his once white dress shirt. “Are you bleeding? Is that—”

“No, Y/n,” he stopped you. “It’s probably not mine. I’m okay. I just… we got into a bit of a problem.”

“Clearly!” you were now shouting, as your body began to produce massive amounts of adrenaline at the sight of him. “Are you sure you’re not hurt? Maybe you should see a—”

“I’m okay, Y/n,” Yugyeom said, sighing. He was obviously not in the mood to have his words questioned. “I’m just really tired.”

“Oh, of course,” you said. “You should go to sleep… if you’re really okay, that is.”

“I really am,” he confirmed again. “I have to… nevermind. I’m sorry we can’t hang out tonight.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you told him, not understanding the feeling of disappointment in the pit of your stomach. “You should probably change. Do you need any help?”

Neither of you saw how ambiguous this sentence was. Yugyeom was too tired and you were too caught up in his sad eyes to realize any of the things you were saying.

“That’d be nice,” Yugyeom said then. “I just need to get out of these clothes and I’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” you nodded, walking out of your room and placing your hand on his shoulder – probably the only place on his shirt that wasn’t bloody – to guide him towards the bathroom. “Let’s go.”

He moved slowly as if he was stalling. It looked like he wanted to tell you something before you helped him take his dirty clothes off, but he kept his mouth shut. Just when he leaned against the cupboard in the bathroom and you walked up to him to unbutton his shirt, he grabbed your wrist into his.

“There’s something I need to tell you first,” he finally said. “I… I did get slightly scratched. It might be bleeding, but it’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

Your heart was now beating out of your chest. “What does ‘slightly’ mean to you, Yugyeom?”

You weren’t waiting for him to answer, however, and began to unbutton his shirt, biting your lip so you wouldn’t grimace at the feeling of the bloody material under your fingertips. As soon as you pulled his shirt away from his chest, you gasped, taking a step back.

“Yugyeom, you’re bleeding,” you said, watching the gnarly scratch under his collarbone. It looked as if someone tried to stab him with a knife, but instead ended up just dragging the blade across his chest. “The wound looks—”

“It’s fine,” Yugyeom said, breathing heavily. “Just… help me take this off, please.”

You’ve never seen him like this before. Of course, you’ve never seen him come to you right after he’s finished a job before, either.

“Is your brother okay?” you asked, suddenly worried. “Did you come back together?”

“No,” Yugyeom answered, swallowing deeply before continuing. “I took him to a hospital. He was shot. I’m going to see him later.”

Feeling you breathe in sharply at the news of his brother getting shot, you tried to calm yourself down and instead concentrate on what was in front of you – that is, a nearly shirtless, bleeding Yugyeom.

“Y-you can’t,” you said, peeling the shirt away from him. “You’re hurt, too. We need to do something about this scratch. It’s still bleeding pretty heavily. You can’t just ignore it.”

“It’ll be fine,” Yugyeom replied, raising his hands slightly and hissing in pain once you accidentally touched his wound with the tip of your fingers.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” you said, watching him close his eyes and release a deep but ragged breath. “Yugyeom, this isn’t okay. You need to go to the hospital to get this—”

“Y/n, please,” he whispered.

You bit your lip, debating what to do next because it didn’t look like he was going to give in anytime soon.

“Let me at least put a bandage on it, okay?” you asked. After Yugyeom didn’t reply, you took this as an affirmative and opened the cupboard next to him to find a first-aid kit.

You’ve never actually had to look for bandages in a first-aid kit before and you weren’t sure if you should wash the wound first. It wasn’t like you had time to pull out a WikiHow article for this, either.

Choosing to trust your gut, you grabbed a towel from a nearby hook and soaked it in warm water.

“This might hurt,” you said, bringing the towel to his wound. “But I have to wash it. I think.”

Yugyeom didn’t reply but you saw him clench his jaw, so this must have meant that he was preparing himself for the pain that was to come. Taking a quick breath, you carefully placed the towel on the edge of the scratch and felt Yugyeom’s muscles contract. Understanding how much pain this caused him, you tried to keep your movements soft, not pushing the towel into him too hard.

The positive outcome of this was that you now knew that his wound was no longer bleeding. The negative? The towel was ruined and Yugyeom was breathing heavily as if he’d just finished running a marathon.

You used a different, dry towel to clean the skin around the wound so the bandage would stick and then moved on to the contents of the first-aid kit.

“So,” you said, reading the description on one of the bottles, hoping that it was an antiseptic. “Tell me what exactly happened out there.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Yugyeom replied through clenched teeth.

“Well, it’d be better if you talked about something,” you replied, opening the bottle you were holding and pouring some of its contents onto the gauze you picked up from the kit. “That way you might take your mind away from the pain.

“That’s… not possible,” Yugyeom replied, hissing again when you brushed the gauze with the antiseptic onto the wound. “What the—what is this thing? It’s burning.”

“It’s supposed to sting a little,” you said, continuing to thoroughly sterilize the scratch on his chest. “My mum used to always wash my wounds with this, whenever I fell and hurt myself.”

“Okay, then you’re hardcore,” Yugyeom replied, prying your hand away from his chest. “But this is literally putting me in even more pain. Please stop.”

You got your hand out of his grip. “Endure it. You don’t want to go to the hospital, so that’s what you get.”

Yugyeom groaned but didn’t stop you when you brought the gauze back to his wound, brushing over it a few more times just to be sure you got everything.

“Why did you use water first?” Yugyeom asked, watching your movements through clouded eyes. “For my scratch, I mean.”

“Please don’t question me,” you said, your voice coming out a little stricter than you intended. “I honestly have no idea what I’m doing but you refuse to go to the hospital, so, in a way, I’m responsible for your life and it’s stressing me out, okay? So, just… talk about something. Just not about what’s happening right now.”

If it wasn’t your anxious voice, then it was your shaking hands as you tried to peel the bandage off that told Yugyeom you were truly worried about him.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “But in comparison to the state of my brother… I’m as healthy as ever.”

“What happened to you guys there?” you asked, your tone also a few octaves lower to match his whispers.

“We were outnumbered,” Yugyeom finally admitted. “There were a lot more of them against my brother and me. We only came here to negotiate but… they came there to kill us. We were completely unprepared but it’s our fault. We should have seen it coming. No one changes the date of the meeting that fast, unless they’re planning something.”

You listened without talking, as you carefully poured a little bit of gel (it said it was for cut wounds, and you blindly trusted the first-aid kit) on another piece of gauze before placing it on Yugyeom’s scratch and then gluing a bandage over it.

“It’s kind of a miracle we made it out alive,” Yugyeom continued. “We ended up only taking out half of them. There’s the possibility that they’ll come after us, so we’ll have to—”

Your eyes widened in fear after you heard him say this and you raised your head to look up at him so fast, Yugyeom blinked, flinching slightly.

“Oh, they won’t come here,” he explained, understanding what caused you to react like that. “You’re safe.”

“What will you do next?” you asked, clearing your throat after your voice came out husky from all the anxiety that’s been spreading into your bloodstream as you listened to Yugyeom talk.

“We’ll go after them after… after my brother recovers,” Yugyeom said, sighing. “Hey, are you done here? Can I go—”

“You absolutely cannot,” you cut him off before he even finished. “What you need to do, is get into bed and sleep. You can’t go anywhere.”

“Y/n,” he said, closing his eyes for a moment. “It’s my brother.”

“I know, Yugyeom,” you replied. “But you’re not going to be much better if you keep walking around with a wound like that. At least, if you’re going to the hospital, let them have a look at it.”

“I’m completely fine,” Yugyeom countered, walking around you and leaning down to pick up a shirt from the washing machine. As soon as he leaned down, though, you saw him freeze and exhale sharply.

“Oh, you’re totally fine,” you groaned, walking towards him to help him stand up. “Go to bed, Yugyeom. I’m serious.”

“I can’t—”

“Fine. Then let me come with you to the hospital.”

“Wh-why?” Yugyeom asked, allowing you to pull the shirt over his head and then carefully help him put his hands through the sleeves.

“Because you’re not well enough to be going anywhere on your own,” you replied. “And this is not an offer, Yugyeom. The only way you’ll be going is if I go with you.”

He just watched you, then. He wasn’t saying anything and you were starting to become concerned that he was in too much pain to talk, but when you raised your eyes to meet his, you were met with calmness instead of pain.

Your eyes stayed on his for a moment longer but Yugyeom still didn’t say anything.

“What is it?” you finally asked, feeling your heartbeat speed up before he even said anything.

“I’m just…” Yugyeom said, pausing to choose his next words. “I was thinking about what you said last night in your sleep.”

“Oh,” you looked down, remembering. “I was hoping we wouldn’t talk about that.”

“Your words were all I could think about when I was fighting the guy who came at me with a knife,” he admitted. “Are they true? Are you really… falling in love with me?”

Because you still had your hands just below his chest after having helped him put a new shirt on, you could feel that his heart was beating nearly as fast as yours. However, the image of Yugyeom not knowing if your feelings were real as he fought for his life, caused you to close your eyes and inhale sharply.

“I’m not falling in love with you, Yugyeom,” you said, raising your eyes to meet his. You’ve never been more certain about anything before. “I’ve already fallen.”

Another few seconds passed before Yugyeom reacted to your words by inhaling deeply and leaning into you to place his lips on yours. You froze for just one second, instantly clutching his shirt at the feeling of his soft lips between yours. When you finally replied to his kiss, you felt Yugyeom smile and exhale through his nose.

He moved his arms to wrap them around you but breathed in shakily mid-way because of the sharp stinging pain in his chest caused by his sudden movement.

You pulled away from him immediately. “Oh my God, are you in pain?”

He shook his head, sighing and gathering all of his strength to place his hands on your waist. As soon as he felt you under his fingertips, he realized that the pain was all worth it.

“I’m not. You make me feel better,” Yugyeom said, swallowing before continuing. “I-I love you. The hope that you love me too is what saved me out there.”

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starrymarktuan · 7 years ago

Text

Hungover and in Love

» Pairing: Kim Yugyeom x Reader

» Genre: Fluff

» Word Count: 2,316

» Description: Drunkenly kissing your best friend at midnight on New Years definitely opens a can of worms.

photo originally posted by @yourdailyyugyeom

You groaned loudly, shifting your arm from behind your head so that it covered your eyes. You felt stiff and heavy, your limbs soaked in listlessness. Your other arm was dangling off the couch, touching something soft and silky. Your nose crinkled at the smell of rancid alcohol - a scent that you quickly realized was coming from your own pores.

“Oh god,” you said, bringing both hands to drag down your face before attempting to rub the sleep from your eyes. As you brought your hand up, it brushed against Yugyeom’s hair and forehead. His hair felt silken between your fingers, and you enjoyed the softness despite being so hungover that existing was itself a painful activity.

Yugyeom, on the other hand, found the touch far too rousing for his preference. He’d been dead asleep, dreamless and motionless. And at the subtle, quick sensation on his forehead, he jerked awake. His torso spasmed and his head flew up, hitting the coffee table loudly.

“Fuck!” he cursed lowly, under his breath.

“Too loud,” you moaned, burying your face in your hands and turning into the couch. Yugyeom laid back down on the floor, where (judging by the stiffness of his back) he’d slept all night. You curled your body into a ball on the couch, enjoying the movement of your muscles after such a long time. Yugyeom brought his hand up to his hair, brushing it from his forehead and wincing.

“My hair hurts,” he stated bluntly.

“Too loud,” you whispered, curling tighter into a ball. Yugyeom touched his forehead and felt the bump now forming there, from his fight with the table. He was about to curse again, before he remembered your repeated pleas for quiet. Instead, he gritted his teeth together and blinked,

Yugyeom hissed as his eyes peeked open, feeling like a vampire exposed to sunlight, burning at its touch. The curtains were open. A terrible idea. After moving into this apartment, Yugyeom had quickly learned never to leave the curtains open overnight because the sun shone in brightly in the morning. And his apartment then heated up like an oven. Yugyeom was suddenly aware of how sticky and warm he felt, and of the scent of rancid alcohol coming from you both - no doubt exacerbated by the heat. The sun hit the wooden floors of the apartment and bounced directly into Yugyeom’s eyes, making his head ache and throb.

Yugyeom resigned himself to spending the day on the floor, heat and all, when his phone rang. The sound was harsh and loud and insistent. And it didn’t stop.

“Too loud,” you muttered, covering your ears and squeezing your eyes shut as you tried to become one with the couch, “Too loud, too loud, too loud.”

Yugyeom groaned and raised his arm to pat down the coffee table. You were whimpering at the sound. Yugyeom would’ve laughed at your childishness if it wouldn’t have hurt to do so. He found the phone and muttered, “Don’t be such a baby,” as he poked your shoulder. You turned on the couch so that your face was exposed to him for the first time that morning. You poked your tongue out at him.

“Yeoboseyo?” Yugyeom muttered, grinning at you. You looked like a shy bird, his little aghase. You were hiding behind your hands, trying to protect your eyes. But he had seen the purple shadows underneath them, not disguised by any of the makeup you were still wearing from last night. And even despite all the hairspray you’d used, your hair was an amalgamation of frizz and knots. You were utterly adorable.

Yugyeom broke from his reverie when a soft, pleading voice on the other line said, “Oppa? You there?”

“June?” Yugyeom stuttered.

“Listen, oppa,” she was saying, “I’m really sorry about what I said last night. Of course, I didn’t mean it…” Yugyeom forgot to listen though because you’d made this face. This face that he couldn’t read. And that bothered him because...well because he was supposed to be able to read you. You’d been best friends since birth, and he knew every facial expression, every eye twitch, nose scrunch, eyebrow raise. He knew them all. But he didn’t know the expression that had crossed your face just now.

It had only taken a second because you’d almost immediately gotten up and walked away. Yugyeom sat up and leaned against the couch, hearing your quiet footsteps move around his kitchen.

“Yugyeom-oppa?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you...do you forgive me?”

“Forgive you?”

“For saying I wanted to break up...I was just really drunk and upset and…”

“Can we talk later?” Yugyeom said, hanging up the phone. When he put it on the coffee table he hardly remembered that it had been June that called, nevermind what she had wanted to talk about.

Yugyeom followed you into the kitchen now. You were bent over the sink, an abandoned glass of water on the counter. You were holding your hair to the side with one hand and holding yourself up with the other, your fingers had a vice grip on the counter.

“Noona?”

A horrible retching sound escaped you, as the contents of your stomach emptied themselves into the kitchen sink. Yugyeom winced, his nose scrunching up at the smell. He felt his stomach churn too, but he gritted his teeth and refused to vomit. He refused.

Once you were finished, you straightened up and turned to look at him. You leaned against the counter, wiping your mouth with a napkin. Taking a swig of water you swished it in your mouth before spitting it into the sink and rinsing it all down the drain. You turned to smirk at him as you said, “Got up too fast.”

At the sight of your self-satisfied smirk, Yugyeom forgot to be confused with you or worried about June and he simply returned the smile, saying, “Well I coulda told you that.”

“I’m going to need you to speak in a whisper,” you retorted, “My head is doing a slow motion explosion right now. Action stars are probably walking in front of my head-explosion.”

Yugyeom rolled his eyes and fully entered the kitchen, pulling a glass down from the cabinet and filling it with water. He took a giant gulp and winced, feeling water settle in his stomach and his stomach churning in response.

“We drank way too much last night,” Yugyeom commented, sipping his water again.

“And here I was thinking that wasn’t possible,” you groaned, leaning over the sink again, swallowing to try and keep the contents of your stomach down. Yugyeom rubbed your back, but eventually backed away, his nose scrunching up.

“Damn, you stink.”

“You’re one to talk,” you bit back, standing upright again.

“We need to shower.”

You nodded your head, “I’m going first. You need to call June back.”

“June?” Yugyeom furrowed his eyebrows together, thinking for a moment. You watched him with a dumbfounded expression - did he really not remember talking to her less than two minutes ago? It was another moment before he said, “Oh! June! I hung up on her!”

“I swear dongsaeng,” you joked, ruffling his soft tressing as you passed him, “You’d be a shit boyfriend if not for me.” You walked out of the kitchen towards the bathroom, Yugyeom watching you as you went. He ran his own fingers through his hair now, suddenly reminded of that odd expression you’d worn earlier. But he decided not to dwell on it just yet - he had to call June.

The line rang three times before she picked up. His girlfriend was whimpering softly on the other end - she’d been crying.

“June?” he asked.

“Oppa,” she sobbed, “I...I’m sorry! I didn’t mean what I said last night! I was drunk and stupid! I didn’t mean to kiss BamBam! I was just angry and you were with Y/N and it just happened. Please take me back,” she sobbed.

“You...you kissed BamBam?”

Yugyeom collapsed into a chair, one hand pressing the phone to his ear and the other knotting into his hair. June was speaking so quickly now, and crying so profusely, that he couldn’t understand a word she was saying. He heard the shower turn on in the bathroom and his muscles twitched.

“You kissed BamBam…” he said, the memories coming back -

The party was a rager. Absolutely crazy. You and Yugyeom were completely hammered even before eleven o’clock, which is when June arrived. At midnight Yugyeom remembered that he should be kissing June and not...not you. He’d kissed you. Oh, my god, he had kissed you. Sloppy, slobbery, messy drunk kissing. But kissing nonetheless.

June had seen the kissing - Yugyeom had a feeling there had been a lot of it - and when he found her, seconds after midnight, she was a tangle of limbs with BamBam on the couch. He didn’t remember much after that, expect quite a few more shots.

Surprisingly, Yugyeom was not as concerned with June’s kissing as he was with his own. He’d kissed you. And it wasn’t even that fact that bothered him. No, what bothered him was that...he couldn’t remember it. Not distinctly anyway. He remembered that it had happened and that it had been messy, but he couldn’t remember how you had tasted, or how soft your lips were, or if he had nibbled on your bottom lip the way he’d always wanted to.

He didn’t remember. And that’s what bothered him.

“June…” he said, a revelation hitting him between the eyes, “I’m sorry...I think we should break up.”

“No Yugyeom, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to and I know you didn’t mean to either, I’m so sorry!”

Yugyeom shook his head. Her pleading was irritating the hangover that soaked his brain. He took another deep breath, she didn’t deserve this kind of an end, but it was the only one he was capable of giving right now, “I’m really sorry, too, June. But I don’t think that we both would’ve kissed other people if...if our relationship was very...good. I’m sorry, but it’s over.” And he hung up before she could say anything else.

Yugyeom slid his phone away from him on the table, resting his head on the cool material. He groaned against it, his head aching from the hangover and the breakup and the...possibilities.

You were his best friend. He knew every expression, every factoid, and almost every thought. He knew you. And he loved you. Of course, he loved you. He was in love with you, for fuck's sake! And he’d thought about kissing you all the time. Ever since you got that cherry chapstick when you were twelve and it made your lips pink and shiny.

And he had done it. He’d kissed you. And he couldn’t remember it. Your first kiss together and he didn’t remember. He could kick himself.

“So, did you call her?” you wondered, wandering into the kitchen in a towel, running a comb through your hair. You grinned at him, “Dude, you have got to shower. I feel so much better.”

“Yeah, I...I called her,” Yugyeom said, turning to face you. The expression you’d worn earlier flashed in front of his eyes again and again the realization hit him between the eyes. You were jealous.

Of course! You were always nice to his girlfriends but...you never really liked them. It was exactly the same way with him. You two were the most stupid people on the planet. You were into each other and completely unaware. Until now.

“How’d it go?” you asked.

“I broke up with her.”

“Oh?” you said. You wished there wasn’t too much relief or hope seeping into your words. But hey, you’d been hiding your feelings for him for years, you should be pretty good at it by now. Even if you had kissed last night…

“We kissed,” Yugyeom said, standing up, “Noona, we kissed.”

“You...remember?” you said, looking at him with wide eyes.

“That’s the thing,” he said, “I remember but I don’t. I don’t remember kissing you. But I remember that it happened.”

“Oh…”

“So I think we need to do it again, noona.”

“What?” you said. You’d placed the comb on the table, and were clutching your towel to your body tightly. Was this even really happening?

“We’re in love.” He approached slowly as if approaching a hesitant deer that could be scared away. But his eyes shone brightly with the realization and the truth. You watched him hopefully until he was standing directly in front of you. One hand tangled in the wet mass of your hair and the other went up to your face, his thumb stroking your bottom lip slowly, “We’re in love and I’m going to kiss you now, noona.”

He lowered his head to touch his lips to yours, going slowly because he wanted to remember this time. He wanted to feel your lips moving against his, he wanted to taste you and remember you.

Though you couldn’t move your hands from your towel, you tilted your head up to give him more access, to kiss him deeper and more fully. You did remember the New Years kiss - it was sloppy and messy and full of teeth and tongue. It had not been this delicate or sweet or loving. It had been the door opening, the opportunity arising. This kiss...this kiss was beyond the door.

When you pulled away, your towel was falling down your back and Yugyeom had the goofiest grin plastered on his face. He leaned down close to you and chuckled, “We’re in love.”

“We’re in love,” you agreed, a light pink blush tinting the tops of your cheeks. Yugyeom leaned down to kiss you again but you shook your head. He pulled away looking hurt, and you said, “We’re in love, but you still smell like tequila. Shower and brush your teeth. Then...kissing.”

a/n: tbh i drank a whole bottle of wine before editing this so there might be some mistakes <3 happy new years everybody!!!

#aghaseshimkoong #got7 #got7 fic #got7 fluff #kim yugyeom #kim yugyeom x reader #kim yugyeom fic #kim yugyeom fluff #yugyeom #yugyeom x reader #yugyeom fic #yugyeom fluff

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