#me and my sister have talk sessions like this
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⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ so high school — ethan landry
ᡣ𐭩 word count: 2,2k
ᡣ𐭩 pairing: football player!ethan landry x tutor!fem!reader
ᡣ𐭩 summary: ethan is smitten with his tutor and invites her to his game. at the after party, he decides to finally confess his feelings.
ᡣ𐭩 content: tutor. football player. fluff. high school themes.
the radiant sunlight illuminated the side of y/n’s face, making her soft skin glow. ethan felt hypnotised, unable to look away or think about anything else other than how ethereal she looked. he should focus, the literature assignment was due soon and ethan still didn’t comprehend any of aristotle’s ideas. but hell, how was he supposed to concentrate when his tutor was so captivating?
“ethan landry if you don’t start paying attention-“ her poor attempt at pretending to be intimidating made him smile, she was so adorable.
“too much aristotle for today, let’s talk about something else.” ethan gave her his most charming smile.
“since i started tutoring you two months ago you’ve said that exact same sentence…” y/n made a deep thinking expression. “every. single. session.”
“and you oblige…” he copied her expression. “every single session”
“maybe you need a tutor with a firmer hand.” she joked.
“hey, if you want to punish me for being a bad student, i’m all for it.” he smirked mischievously
“if you want it, then it’s not a punishment. also, is that a kink of yours?” y/n smirked.
ethan gasped, and covered his mouth in an overdramatic way. “what a scandalous question! where’s the shy girl that walked into this very library two months ago?!”
y/n rolled her eyes and a small laugh escaped her mouth. “you’ve corrupted me.”
“let’s drive the conversation somewhere else. too many dirty jokes are going through my mind right now.” he shook his head. “let’s talk about tomorrow’s game.”
she cocked an eyebrow “what about it?”
“well, are you going alone or…?” he asked as if it were obvious
y/n laughed. “i’m not going with anyone.”
ethan tried his best to hide how relieved he was by that. “okay, cool. i can ask my sister to save a seat for you.”
“sorry, let me rephrase my sentence. i’m not going, period.” she said again.
ethan looked both betrayed and appalled as he exclaimed “but it’s a very important game!”
“eth, i adore you but i truly don’t care about football.”
butterflies fluttered all over his stomach at her words and his heart did cartwheels on his chest. “please come to my game, y/n/n.” his big brown eyes were pleading and she was left defenseless.
puppy brown eyes were the strongest weapon ever created, and when they came with a face like ethan’s, there was no other option but to surrender.
“ugh, fine! i’ll go.” y/n groaned and ethan started cheering loudly, causing the librarian to shush him.
“sorry, ma’am. she just gave me the best news ever and i got excited, i’ll stay quiet now. i’m sorry to disturb you.”
the librarian’s angry expression turned soft and gave the football player a ‘don’t worry’ smile. well, at least y/n wasn’t the only victim of his dangerous charm.
the worst thing was that he didn’t even do it on purpose, he just naturally exuded sweetness and you could tell he didn’t held a single malicious bone in his body.
y/n’s feelings towards him were so intense and overwhelming she didn’t know what to do with them. especially with the big question hanging over in the air—after she was done tutoring him, will he still acknowledge her?
“in all seriousness,” ethan started as they exited the library and made their way to his car “you don’t have to come to the game. i mean, i want you there but not at the expense of your comfort.”
god, he made her swoon. he was the sweetest guy she had ever met. y/n felt like she was back in high school, experimenting her first crush. “i’ll be there, i swear.”
“scout’s honor?”
“scout’s honor.” she affirmed.
he smiled, satisfied. “need a ride home?” he twirled the keys on his finger, and y/n didn’t know why, but she found it insanely sexy.
“no, thanks. i feel like walking.” she smiled. “see you tomorrow. break a leg.”
“leave my legs in peace, please. i kinda need them for the match” he said, making her laugh. heat spread through his body at the sound, ethan was so gone for her. “see you tomorrow.”
and in an act of bravery, he crouched down and pressed a soft kiss on her cheek. both teenagers went home smiling as if they had won the lottery.
y/n’s hands trembled as she followed the mass of people wearing blackmore’s football jersey. her reflects were quick enough to grab a seat near the field, and soon enough the benches were full.
she looked around the open space, seeing people talking animatedly with each other and socializing while she sat there alone, with her sweaty hands rubbing against the fabric of her emerald green jeans. she felt out of place, and the scene made her realize just how lonely she was. so immersed in getting good grades, she’d forgotten to… live. to truly let herself enjoy college in all aspects.
the only friend she had made so far was because of tutoring. if it hadn’t been because ethan was awful at literature, she would be friendless. so she sucked it up and locked away the urge to go back home. ethan wanted her there, and she didn’t want to disappoint her only friend. if this was important to him, then the bench was were she needed to be at the moment.
a hand on her shoulder brought her out of her thoughts, and when she turned her head to the side, a bit startled, finding two green eyes and bright orange hair.
“sorry! didn’t mean to scare you. y/n, right?” the gorgeous red-head asked.
shooting her eyebrows up in surprise, y/n nodded. “yes… do we know each other?”
“yes, well, no. we’ve never met, but my brother talks about you non-stop.” she smiled sweetly. “i’m quinn.”
ethan’s sister, her brain screamed, and she tried to keep her cool “oh, hi. nice to meet you.”
“ethan said, well, more like hoped, you were coming. he mentioned this was not your scene, so we saved you a seat with us so you wouldn’t be alone.”
y/n blushed and her heart melted at the thoughtfulness. she didn’t know who quinn meant by ‘we’, but she was grateful nonetheless.
ethan’s friends greeted her like she was one of their own, and they mentioned countless times how ethan would talk their ears off about her.
“there’s ethan!” tara told her, pointing at the tall man with the number 13 on his back.
ethan was always beautiful, but when he was in his element the word ‘beautiful’ felt short. she couldn’t find the words to explain just how mesmerizing ethan was in his football gear and with a cheshire cat smile on his tailored face.
the people in the stands cheered for the quarterback, and y/n joined in once the shyness faded away. then ethan caught her eye, and if he was glowing before that, now his joy was blinding.
he jogged towards her, wanting to talk to her before the game started. her heart beating faster and faster with every step he made. and when ethan reached her, they both stared at each other with love sick smiles and cheek pinks accentuated by the twinkling lights.
“you came.” he said in a mix of relief and gratefulness
“of course i did, you wanted me here, didn’t you?”
“more than anything else.” he replied sweetly. but then the coach started to yell at him to get back to the field. “sorry, gotta go. but thank you for coming, i’ll see you at the after party”
he ran back to his teammates, who greeted him with whistles and playful shoves which made ethan turn ever redder. but he didn’t care about his friends’ teasing, he was on cloud nine and he was determined to make this game the best he’s ever played. for y/n.
the stands of blackmore university erupted in cheers the second the board indicated the end of the final game of the season. the team lifted the star player of the game over their heads as they screamed in victory.
once his feet hit the floor again, ethan turned his head towards his people, to find them hugging each other enthusiastically. even y/n was embraced by his friends and that filled his heart with happiness.
“let’s go, captain. we gotta shower, then you can meet your girl.”
my girl, he replayed those words in his head. yes, that sounded just right, and he only hoped y/n agreed.
it was a little over an hour later when the team finally arrived at the party, greeted with applauses and pats on the back. the quarterback’s brown eyes scanned the crowded room, wanting to find the person he had been longing for two months exactly. he was going to do it. tonight, he was pouring his heart out.
“woah!” the boy exclaimed at the same time a familiar voice said “sorry”. they both smiled instantly when they realized they’d bumped into each other. “hi!” they said, and then laughed.
“you were amazing, ethan! my heart suffered a lot every time you were tackled, but it was quite a match.”
“thanks, y/n. i’m really happy you were there, wasn’t sure you’d show up.”
“you know i could never say no to you, ethan.” she said softly
ethan flushed and felt the courage rushing through his veins “y/n i’ve been meaning to tell you… i know we only met two months ago but-“
“ethan! the man of the hour. great game, bro!” one of his classmates interrupted, and just like that the moment was lost.
“thanks, bro.” ethan forced a smile. then took a quick look at y/n, who was standing awkwardly. “if you excuse me, we’re going to get some fresh air.” the classmate nodded and left, leaving the two of them alone again. but the courage had vanished as well as the little speech ethan had in mind. “i’m sorry about that.”
“hey, no. i get it.” she seemed sincere so ethan relaxed a bit. “what were you saying?” she asked
ethan shook his head. “i don’t want to get interrupted again, let’s go outside.”
but just when they thought they could sneak out, one of his teammates caught sight of him and yelled his name, causing the attention to fall on them.
ethan sighed in frustration, but dragged his feet towards the circle of people nonetheless, he was too good to say no. maybe that was one of his flaws.
"join us, landry" chad said
ethan and y/n sat and the boy shoot her an apologetic smile. in response, she sneakily placed her hand above his and squeezed in reasurance. "what were you doing?" ethan asked the group
"marry, kiss or kill." one of the cheerleaders answered. y/n definitely didn't like the way she smiled all flirty at ethan. "lucy, your tutor and me."
wow, dignity left the chat, y/n thought as a wave of embarrassment rushed through her body.
"where are we? in high school?" ethan rolled his eyes. "i'm not answering."
"come on, it's just a game" the blond insisted
"let's play something else" chad intervened, trying to save his friend.
"guess he didn't want to hurt his tutor's feelings" one of the cheerleaders said not to discreetly, and her friends giggled.
now y/n remembered why this wasn't her scene.
"let's play spin the bottle!" she heard tara said, but y/n was trying really hard not to show how the words had hurt. was it so crazy to think ethan could see her as more than his tutor or friend?
on the other hand, ethan was not going to let those girls humiliate y/n. besides, he wasn't ashamed to show how down bad he was for her. "you guys play, y/n and i are going outside. we have some things to talk about." ethan said with a suggestive smirk and chad whistled, making y/n's cheeks turn a deep shade of pink. she couldn't lie and say the glares she didn't feel satisfied at the glares the cheerleader threw her when ethan entwined their fingers.
"fucking finally" he said contently, sitting in a hammock. "been wanting to get you alone since i saw you standing in that bench."
she pressed her lips together, trying not to smile too wide "well, i was enjoying the view there."
"oh, yeah? what view?"
"football players in their uniforms"
ethan frown in displeasure "players? the 's' should be left out"
"it wouldn't be grammatically correct then." she teased
"hmm" he clenched his jaw
y/n laughed "i'm just messing with you, idiot." then took a deep breath before admitting, "i only have eyes for you, ever since i walked into that library two months ago, there's only been you."
he smiled like the love sick puppy y/n had turned him into and leaned down until the tip of their noses brushed. "i have been pretty obvious, but i want to be clear--i'm crazy about you. knew i wanted you since the very first day. be my girlfriend, y/n/n."
her eyes shone like fireworks. "yes, yes, yes."
"woah, okay, someone's eager." ethan teased her
"shut the fuck up."
"this is the part where i say 'make me', right? and then you kiss the fuck out of me."
"god, you're insufferable. you're lucky i like you so damn much."
"i like you, too. please put me out of my misery and kiss me." he pouted adorably.
"first you gotta answer the question"
"what?" he asked confused
"are you going to marry, kiss or kill me, landry?" she smiled
"i'm betting on all three for us two, y/n." he said, and finished melting her heart.
#ethan landry#ethan landry x reader#jack champion#ethan landry scream#scream fanfic#ethan landry smut#ethan landry oneshot#jack champion oneshot#jack champion x reader#ethan landry x y/n#ethan landry fluff#jack champion fluff#jack champion x y/n
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For unhinged and deranged ships: Snape/Bellatrix.
thank you very much for the ask, anon!
i adore these two haters, and not just in a "toxic situationship which leaves dozens dead" way.
because - as the most delusional snapemort defender in history, who would also defend bellamort with my life - i think it's inherently plausible that snape spends his period as a death eater during the first war feeling profoundly jealous of bellatrix.
after all, she's the dark lord's favourite - and voldemort isn't exactly shy about this being known [she wouldn't run around yapping about he "calls me his most loyal, his most faithful" if she had even the slightest feeling that voldemort would murder her for leaking his pillow talk] - which means that, if you go in for the idea that he's sleeping with her, i think you can argue that he also permits her some degree of public physical affection. i don't think they're holding hands during acts of terrorism, or anything like that, but i do think that bellatrix is summoned away from group settings to join voldemort, everyone knows what they're about to get up to, and the dark lord doesn't care.
snape - in contrast - is kept as a pretty clandestine part of voldemort's operation. karkaroff can't think of anything specific to credibly accuse him of, sirius isn't fully convinced he could have been a death eater, and so on.
and this makes sense - it's clear that snape gets taken on by voldemort in a back-of-house role [to be a spy he can eventually place at hogwarts, and very probably originally to brew for him], and is peripheral to the more public-facing, combat side of voldemort's terror. which means that any time he spends with the dark lord is probably one-on-one - and any affection he receives from voldemort during these sessions [and look, i ship it...] is similarly private.
but it's also clear in canon that this order only continues for a few months after bellatrix gets out of azkaban, before things start to shift and she finds herself having to be the jealous one.
from the start of half-blood prince onwards, snape usurps bellatrix in voldemort's public favour [no matter what he's like with either in private]. and we know that she's not thrilled about this - not least because she's correctly worked out that snape's not trustworthy and voldemort's only response is to tell her to wind her neck in.
and we also know that snape fucking loves how annoyed she is - he's having the time of his life roasting her when she cockblocks narcissa by stomping around his front room [the line about "endless reminiscences of how unpleasant azkaban is"... a third-degree burn, i fear] - and that all of snape's best pairings feature that "we literally cannot stop hurling insults at each other, i will not rest until i've told them this next zinger, i am incapable of letting anything go" dynamic.
textbook enemies-to-enemies-who-fuck.
where this turns into enemies-to-lovers... is that both snape and bellatrix are clearly profoundly lonely people. and not only that, but profoundly lonely in strikingly similar ways - above all in that they're in love with someone who doesn't want them in the way they'd like to be wanted. i don't think bellatrix loses anything of her character - her cruelty, her temper, her resilience - if we also imagine her as a bit of a hopeless romantic [her joy at voldemort complimenting her - "no higher pleasure... that means a great deal, bellatrix, coming from you" - which vanishes when he turns it into an insult is but one example] who would jump at the chance to be mrs riddle. snape's unrequited love is well known.
neither of them seem to have friendships in which they're the priority - snape is close to lucius malfoy, but the relationship is nonetheless transactional; bellatrix clearly adores her sister, but she's secondary in narcissa's concerns to her husband and son. they live their lives in service to men who regard it as their duty to sacrifice themselves for their cause - snape with dumbledore, who may like him, but who also thinks of him primarily as a tool to bring about voldemort's defeat; bellatrix with voldemort, who considers her to have done the bare minimum in terms of loyalty to him by enduring fourteen years in azkaban [even though he also thinks this places her above all her fellow death eaters, who didn't even do that]. they both have experience of imprisonment - snape metaphorically, trapped in the school he doesn't seem to have particularly enjoyed and the childhood home he thought he'd escaped; bellatrix literally. they're both voldemort's exceptions in terms of the demographics of the death eaters - snape on account of his social class; bellatrix on account of her gender - which means that they depend entirely on maintaining the dark lord's goodwill and are peripheral to the elite male social group which makes up the rest of the inner circle.
and these similarities mean that they have a pretty high chance of being able to understand each other, comfort each other, and help each other move beyond their isolation...
until voldemort gets jealous, that is.
#asks answered#asenora's opinions on ships#unhinged and deranged ships#or not as the case may be#bellatrix lestrange#severus snape
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🖤 ART TAG 🖤
Hey to all artists! I want to talk about our art journey. Some of us have a long path, some have started only recently, but each of us has had our own individual path and I think it's really important to remember how we all started. And it's also important to share it with others so that no one would be scared to start their own journey and just create.
How did you start drawing? What year was it that you become more seriously and consciously interested in it?
As everyone I'll say I've been drawing since early childhood, but I think the end of 2019 is my beginning. Because that's the time I started to practice actively.
When you felt the urge to share your art with other people? When did you start posting your drawings on social media?
Maybe it's always been? I think for the first time I posted something traditional drawn on my personal social media. I started my art socials in 2020.
Your first/earliest drawing. What were your impressions of it back then and what are your feelings now?
It's hard to track my very first drawing, but here are the early traditional drawings and my very first digital hand drawing. It was before I got a tablet, so it was drawn with a mouse. My impressions? My hand was tired... But if seriously back then it looked like something cool to me and I was surprised that I could draw something like that. Now, of course, I can see all my mistakes. But let's be honest, any mistake is a move forward.
🚧 ALARM 🚧
My very first attempts after getting a tablet.
Should I mention that I was upset at the first second that it didn't work out on the first try?
Your first fanart ever
I had a lot of traditional drawings of Adventure Time (I'm a big fan of Marceline). It's roughly a little over a decade ago.
But in digital, I guess this? Snufkin and The Groke from Moomin stories. [aug 8, 2020]
Your first gallavich fanart
Hi babies! This post and this post.
[nov 27, 2023] - oh my god it's almost a year???
But what if I told you that my sister asked me to draw Cameron Monaghan… Who knew that ten years later I'd be drawing him once again...
When you had bad days and things didn't work out, what inspired you to keep trying?
I just need to rest, try again, or think about what exactly goes wrong. When I started my path as a digital artist I was very inspired by the older work by 'big artists'. No one is perfect at the first moment and there is always a long road of striving and practice behind cool works. And I knew that the more I tried, the more I could consider myself 'cool' too. (spoiler: that feeling is still with me)
Show your old piece that you strongly dislike and tell why.
It's a hard choice. I stopped liking a lot of my work after a time, but this one was initially a struggle. I really didn't like how it looked in the end. I wasn't able to draw it as I wanted, and had problems with the face and dynamics. But the background is cool! (A lot of the work you don't like has some good in it!)
Renee and Andrew from AFTG [dec 5, 2021]
Show your old piece that you very like and tell why. What's the difference with the previous?
I love the shading and the face, especially eyes. And i still love this drawing! Face looks better than previous and hair has a dynamic, and the expression is really good.
Buck Toothsome from School for vampires [nov 8, 2021]
Show your old piece that you were very proud of back then.
I really loved this study redraw!
Ginny with Marcus from Ginny & Georgia [june 22, 2021]
Do you do any practice sketches or warm-ups before you draw something big?
I've started to do it recently! I'd forgotten how many sketches I made in sketchbooks when I was studying drawing.
I tried to change the pen pressure.
Sketch vs Final. Show your process.
Actually, it's been a tough process.
Your most recent drawing.
I'm working on my secret santa's gift right now, so I can't share it 🤭But here's my last sketch during warm-up session 🤲🖤
Give yourself some praise! Look at what improved in your art!
I just want to say that four years ago I would've been shocked by my current drawings. I've really improved in drawing faces and anatomy, I'm trying new interesting composition, trying to learn new things and use it in my works.
Any advice you'd give to your earlier self?
Do more thinking while creating your art. Do a sketches warm-ups before digging into the big work. Don't be afraid to draw it again if something doesn't work. Take breaks to physically exercise!
Set a goal for yourself for the coming year.
I want to improve facial expressions. Make a professional portfolio. Keep growing and enjoying drawing.
I want to see more your drawings...
@deathclassic @suzy-queued @kiennilove @gallapiech @spookygingerr
@konaiiro @michellemisfit @heymrspatel @vintagelacerosette @sgtmickeyslaughter
@burninface @lingy910y @crossmydna @deedala
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So, I’m a liar. I did color it!!
Yap sessions where donnie is Not Listening while leo yaps to his hearts content
Donnies taking in the sky, Leo’s taking in absolutely nothing
#me and my sister have talk sessions like this#by which I mean I’ll be reading or smth and she’ll just talk abt anything and everything to fill the silence#it’s nice#I like listening to her talk#I imagine it’s the same for them#tmnt#rise of the tmnt#disaster twins#tmnt leo#tmnt donnie#rise leo#rise donnie
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doing really bad in ways i can’t talk about which is making it worse
#just cancelled a meeting so i could cry in the office LMAOOOOOOO 🥰👍#purrs#the mortifying ordeal of my therapist being on her honeymoon rn 😹😹😹😹😹#i think i am just a bad person and my needs hurt people who need me. and it’s not fair to them and idont know what to do with that.#i think i may have to move out sooner than i am ready to and not listen to anyone telling me to keep waiting. this is not sustainable. it’s#not sustainable for my family because i hurt them with my needs. and it’s not sustainable for me to be unable to need and get what i need#without hurting them. i think what’s so hard about this is that i have to do it alone and everyone is against me doing it but i have to do#it anyway. i don’t know. i don’t want my sister to see this and get hurt. if you do see this im sorry i can’t be what you need. im sorry my#needs hurt you. but they’re needs. i have to be selfish even though my brain is screaming at me in your voice that i don’t. i just need to#escape it all. i am allowed to need independence and alone time and im sorry i was cruel about asserting it but i need to assert it and no#one at home understands why but I need to. im not talking coherently i just feel so wretched and sick to my stomach with guilt and grief and#frustration and shame and i have to facilitate a huge session in an hour and a half.#delete later#like my friends / mutuals / mentors / etc can tell me until they’re blue in the face that i am not a bad person and i deserve to live an#independent Life etc etc but none of you are actually in my house and you don’t see how it is and how i am the cause of all of it and how im#stuck and making things worse. and i can’t summon my strength or calm down or anything. i don’t know. i have to get ready for the session i#just can’t even think straight. my family is right and i am also right and i can’t assert my rightness over theirs. so im stuck forever.#if i could i would leave work early and go home but there’s no one to take me home and home is actually the worst possible place to be#right now LOLLLLL. i just need to curl into a bed and cry. also im about to get my period so thats probably why im like this lol
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Realized I’ve been going out with my brother in law more than my sister has since they’ve been together
#going out in the sense that we leave the house together ofc#he’s like my son now#‘now’ actually it’s been months#asks me to go grocery shopping with him#he once told me she’s too annoying when they go buy stuff together so he just asks me#and then had a therapy session while we’re in the car#*we were#I mean poor thing moved 10000km away from his home to go live with my sister#and now he’s far away from his friends hasn’t seen them in many months not to mention it’s a different time zone#so guess I’m the only therapist he can have rn#even if they still talk a lot everyday it’s not necessarily the same
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most of the schools i went to were catholic to its rlly surprising that i never had any type of religion class. it didnt actually affect anything other than us being made to stand in line and pray before class (and also sing the national anthem) but like you could just, Not do that and be chill
#i did go to catechism classes as a kid but that only lasted for a few months#i was 9 i think or 10#kinda diff subject but i have a lot of memories of being 10-11 and figuring out religion#a lot of my memories for that time period are Gone I Am Memory Issues Man but not those for some reason#babies first independent thought <3#i remember first doubting what i knew about god when i was like 7? but i shelved that until 5th/6th grade#as ive repeatedly brought up in this blog my sister died when i was in 5th grade which caused my parents to double down on the catholicism#at the same time i had found Atheist Progressive Facebook Pages and doubting everything#they made a routine of every day before bed reading me a passage from the bible and i had to sit there like yas queen so true#but me and this friend from school were heaving deep philosophical talks about religion dailyyyyyyyy#she reached the conclusion of god not being real a bit before me and i remember mentioning to my parents how i dont think thatd mean she#was gonna go to hell in one of the Nightly Bible Sessions#before i reached that conclusion i actually adopted the line of thinking thay god Was real#he just sucked ass and was a terrible being. and also fuck christianity#tho a few months later i went full atheist#one time me and that friend were on a fucking amusement park ride discusding religion. thats still funny to me#also a while later my mom started dipping her toe in other religions mostly as she tried to figure out how to deal w my sister dying#she got into spiritism and took me to like a. idk. lecture???? sermon??? i did not care so i daydreamed lesbian ever after highxmonster high#fanfiction during it. 👍#my dad also gave me a very long talk about how my mom was being tempted by the devil at that time which like. ok#also at age 11 the last time i went to church happened. it was on the 1 year anniversary of my grandpa dying (which also happened in 5th#grade) and his name was gonna be mentioned. i was already atheist then and i felt Very out of place. also intried convincing my younger#cousin the tooth fairy was real doing it#oh and i can never forget how i posted on facebook telling my extended family that i was an atheist and then my aunt held a prayer session#at her house while me n the other kids were playing and Loudly talked about how parents who let their children be atheists are doing the#devils work or whatever. or the family friend that told my mom the reason my sister died was bc my mom didnt go to church regularly#my mom didn't go to church regularly bc my sister was dying and she was busy trying to prevent that. lmao.#my sister dying actually had nothing to do w me questioning religion but literally everyone seemed to think so at the time. theyd be like#i know you might be angry at god because of your sister.... and i was like? no bitch theres just no scientific proof that guy exists what#oh there are so many typos and mistakes in these tags im not editing that. good luck
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i’m so fucking done y’all i HATE loving books whilst being audhd cause here’s what the majority of my reading sessions go like: - hyperfocus. i finish a book the width of my arm in a single night and end up collapsing in class the next day because i got no sleep
- chill reading, until The Sound comes in. The Sound could be a person, a youtube video someone else is watching, an outside noise, an ad in the middle of my music and so on. after The Sound appears all focus is lost and the reading session is ruined - desperately trying to read but nothing is right. there is a bright or cool toned light, a sound or a lack of sound, my clothes are weird, there is no sitting position that is right, there is a weird taste in my mouth and my eyes are slowly dying. my brain is racing and making too much internal noise and i simply cannot focus for the life of me. at all. not even for a sentence. often, this happens suddenly in the middle of a previously good reading session and my brain turns off at this point - brain is too slow to read and would rather disassociate. sometimes you even get bonus trauma flashbacks or embarrassment flashbacks as a treat !! - brain is too fast and excited meaning my eyes skip entire paragraphs and i miss very important pieces of information, making me slow my roll and go back and read the boring monologue of text before the Exciting Part
AND THE DIFFICULTY OF READING VARIES WITH THE TYPE OF BOOK TOO. for example, if it’s a modern book/written recently (meaning from 1970s - present day) it is more common to enter a hyperfocus reading session than the other types. if it’s a classic or older book with slightly different writing styles, it is impossible to have a hyperfocus session because now my brain must analyse the words and stop to look up new words.
the worst thing about this ? i LOVE classics. i love all the fancy words and the different sentence structures and the vivid descriptions that the authors poured their heart and souls into. i love the characters and the unique influences on their personalities that come from being written in a different time. i adore analysing meanings and picking apart phrases and words and characters and plots. but i cannot ever focus on it for more than maybe half an hour or an hour, reading painstakingly slowly for my standards and taking all the immersion out of the reading experience because i have to stop to process the information, meaning i am me in the real world. i am not in their world, with the characters. and it makes me want to SCREAM.
the worst worst worst part ??? on the extremely rare occasion i do have a good reading session with a classic, i am always, without fail, interrupted by someone talking to me, making me pause my music and immersion for whatever remark they feel they have to make over and over again until i feel like ripping their face off because SCREW YOU I JUST GOT TO ENJOY THIS BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF LITERATURE WITH ALL THE PRETTY WORDS AND YOU RUIN IT WITH TELLING ME THE BUS ROUTES TO SCHOOL ?? THE SAME BUS ROUTES I TAKE BY MYSELF ALREADY AND HAVE BEEN TAKING FOR AT LEAST FOUR WEEKS BEFOREHAND ???????? SCREW YOU >:(
#just started to read the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde and was struggling so hard#at first i couldnt focus at all because my clothes were weird and my brain refused to absorb the wordsa and just read them#without actually understanding them#and then i had trouble finding the right sounds for my ears to be happy#and FINALLY it was perfect i read and was happy for all of like fifteen minutes#because my mum came downstairs and ruined it by talking to me#and my sister started watching very loud youtube videos just next to me#and i gave up because there was no way i was gonna be able to read after that#you wanna know how much i read in an hour and a half ?#nine pages.#NINE FUCKING PAGES#GODDAMN IT I COULD HAVE FINISHED HALF AN ENTIRE BOOK IN THAT TIME HAD IT BEEN A GOOD SESSION#i am not happy :(#and i want to read more i love the world building and descriptions and characters so far only in nine pages#but i cant#it literally isnt a choice my brain will kill me if i try and read right now#on that note basil hallward is so yes i love him#and harry wotton too#hes so babygirl#like a good husband ?? yes ????#a man who appreciates flowers ????#yes ???????????#an eccentric darling man who likes being whimsical n shit ???? YES ????????#a man with a lowkey homoerotic painter for a best friend ????? y e s ?????????????#i can fucking smell the gay wafting off of basil already by the way but thats not the point#a man who SMOKES “innumerable cigarettes” ?????? no thank you but its okay i can fix him#ksjsjdhajdhshshs AND ALL THIS LOVE FOR NAUGHT#ALL THIS LOVE FOR ART#DASHED TO THE ROCKS#BECAUSE OF B U S E S
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I have done nothing all day.
#i spent 4 hours around my family which was very exhausting i wont lie#everyone is home so i decided to stay sitting around during brunch and talked about this and that and had a couple minor arguments too#and then went back to chatting normally but its weird i don't know#i just feel like i dont belong and i feel alone even when im with them#they care about me they do a lot but i feel weird about it i feel like i dont deserve any of it sometimes#i feel like logically they should and need to take care of me but also i feel like from an emotional standpoint#it doesn't make sense that they do so#i have nothing to offer. i will never be as good as my older sister#its like deep down they wish that i would evolve into someone like her so they put all these resources into maintaining my health#i feel so weird#oh also i haven't done any hw today which is so bad bc my two finals that will make or break my gpa are in 3 weeks and my final english#essay is due in 12 days and i haven't started the outline#and like yeah 12 days is a lot but not when i also have to go to classes 4 days a week and do self study sessions for classes on the wkends#and also like other small assignments etc#z.post
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ok so i’m incapable of keeping literally anything to myself but i am feeling very emotional abt this so
#i went to this like adhd therapy group at shcool#and like these ppl were so articulate??? like i keep forgetting some people are very capable of saying things in a way that makes sense#and also help why was it relatable#anyways it’s nbd except it’s a big deal TO ME#and i also walked out feeling Shameful which is not great#but i hear is common?#hopefully?#and like yeah ok so i’m like oh i may actually be neurodivergent to the neurodivergent webbed site#but still i think i just held on to the idea that im a little quirky instead#and i worry everyone around me will be like ‘well duh’ but FUCK YOU#I DON’T WANT YOU TO ‘well duh’ ME YOU CAN’T SAY SHIT#evil part of my brain is like nah ur making too big a deal out of it you’re literally fine and normal#but considering how fucked up i actually have been the past eight months especially it’s like No No there’s something going on#and i can’t just be like yeah i’ve got *gestures vaguely* without actually doing anything about it#bc that’s gotten me in the worst mental state of my life#and i fully signed up for these therapy groups because i was feeling so bad#it was like 11pm and i was hating myself and my chest hurt and i was like yaknow there’s free shit somewhere to talk abt this stuff#and now it happened and i went and it was alright#i brought a fidget toy i stole from my sister and did some colouring and talk about how bad i am at getting shit done#but yeah everyone else was p cool like the vibes were cool#and i’m really excited for the next session bc we’re supposedly going to go on a Walk#i love walks
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#just realized I have been approached by a cult …#a girl was doing bible study session to me and something felt always off like I didn’t believe in what she was stating#and the overrall vision was apocalyptic kinda and very indifferent to life on Earth which felt not right to me#by doing some research on the so-called facts which are wrong and talking to my sister I realized it is a cult 😨😨😶😶
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my sister is on her therapy session but she’s yelling and is not wearing headphones so i’m 🧍🏽♀️
#why is she YELLING why is she not just… talking…#also her therapist sucks im 90% she just keep having sessions with her to make money#bc each and every time my sister comes out of a session she talks about what she _gossiped_ with her#and by the yelling going on… all my sister does is talk about her friends#like girl you got friends you got me you got mom do u seriously need to also gossip with a paid stranger#x
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┏ Like real people do 2. ┐
Aemond Targaryen x wife!daemon’s daughter reader
⋆˚࿔ read part 1 here ˚⋆𝜗𝜚˚⋆
summary: blood and cheese, where daemon [the best dad (satire)] also orders for his daughter smuggled back to him, violent aftermath
an: there is no brothel Aemond subplot involved
word count: 5.2k
warnings: blood and cheese, canon violence, violence, daddy issues being mocked, arguments, once again blood and cheese
The war was afoot, degeneracies increasing, treacherous plans and endless councils. Amidst all of that y/n still found time to pay Haelena a visit as frequently as she could. Both of them had found impeccable friends in each other and the twins were always a delight. Striding through the halls of red keep, prodding her head inside with a soft knock on the queen's doors which were wide open as it is, "look!" y/n entered with a wide smile on her face. Twirling around she showed Haelena the dress she wore, it was a dress Haelena had embroidered for her with special spiders and other custom animals. Haelena had remarked on y/n's elegantly plain dresses, the edges could all use embroidery and y/n was more than glad to let Haelena design on her dress. "You made it so much better, the small bugs in blue thread it’s so beautifully assembled-" before she could comment more on the beauty of her queen sister's embroidery she was there to showcase, y/n was under attack of her niece and nephew, "why good morrow to you two!" she giggled as the two tugged at her dress for consecutive raise-me-ups.
"I am very glad!" Haelena said offering her a smile as she scanned those designs, Haelena was warmly elated that y/n chose to wore the dress she had embroidered and the fact that she let her do it in the first place.
"You must teach me your ways" y/n commented whilst actively engaging with jaehaerys and jaehaera, she couldn't carry both the babies at the same time but she was trying to entertain them regardless, the two were latched to their auntie's knees like monkeys.
"I could always make you more, save you the time!" Haelena offered instead, she tried to distract whichever one of the children with a toy but both were way too smitten with their ever so busy aunt, now that she had the council she spent supposedly lesser time with the twins.
"That too would be so convenient!" Y/n said, Jaehaera was raised on her back, making mischief with her aunt as she tried to close her eyes with her tiny hands from behind. Both the twins laughing as she did so, regardless y/n laughed along trying to maintain her balance the best.
"That is enough..." Haelena trailed off in amusement as she helped Jaehaera off of y/n's back. The babe did not let go before whining about it, jaehaerys still tugging at his aunt's dress to get her to bend down so he could talk.
"It's alright" let out a small chuckle y/n's attention was caught down to the little heir pulling at her dress, for her to bend to his level. "Yes little prince?" She asked, attentive to her nephew's whims and demands.
"You said you were going to read to me" Jaeherys reminded her in a rather witty sense, having a sense of one upping her since she forgot about it.
"Oh did I now?" She paused for a second trying to remember when exactly was the reading session arranged for.
"Yes! The-the one with the fox and the-crows...where you do the voice!" The little prince was soon to remind her of which exact story they had left off from. He liked it better when his auntie read it to him than the wet nurses or his mum because she often did those giddy voices and the stories she read in were more entertaining than the ones with septa.
"Gods I must have forgotten" she said in a somewhat melodramatic tone to make the child think she took their reading session as a serious matter, "I have got some work on my hands at the moment but I assure you I will come continue the story-"
"When!" Jaeherys whined with a sort of tired expression given the delay in his story.
"Tonight." She answered genuinely, "Right after dinner!"
"Do you promise?" He asked wanting to take her aunty's word for proper surety.
"I promise." She said holding his tiny hands in hers giving them a gentle squeeze to assure him of her promise. Kissing both her niece and nephew on the forehead as she stood up, in attempt to take her peace Haelena stopped her.
"Are you not afraid?" Asked her sister in law with a tense look on her face, like those times when she would be out of it. As if she spoke another language and saw other things. "When the stones call you back?"
"What...what stones?" She asked, at first y/n thought Haelena was referring to some palace. Could this be in correlation to something with the council, is what y/n presumed.
"The stones. They will call you back!" Haelena gripped her elbows tighter, to emphasise the gravity of the situation she felt. "They'll take you away!"
"Nobody is taking anyone away..." y/n trailed off, shaking her head slightly as she ran her hand down Haelena's in a soothing way. "We are all safe here and there is nothing to be scared of. I promise you. I am not going anywhere." She assured her. Y/n assumed that it would worry Haelena to lose the best friend she had in herself if she were to go back because of the war waging. In her father's name perhaps, her worry was not unsolicited but y/n was sure her father's was a house not hers that is even before her marriage with Aemond.
Haelena could never seem to get her point across for some reason, she couldn't digest her wearies in a coherent way herself so she nodded with a small smile. The restlessness still consistent within her as y/n took her leave. Ever since the intimate moment with Aemond, their relationship had grown rather awkward. Aemond was closed off as always, unable to convey his infatuation. Awkward in this area, the young lovers found it difficult to navigate through a conversation. Bristling fingers through glasses, stealing glances, speaking out their love in small gestures.
That did not account for the fact that the council matters too seeped into the newlywed's marital bliss phase. Aemond too had a seat now, on the king's word. He would attend those meetings and at times the two would have drastically counter opinions. His lady wife, she would sit in the same line of seats after the hand and his mother. Speaking their minds against him, just as they had intended for her. A council within the council. "All you do is account for grand sire and mother, no such thoughts of your own. A mere puppet." Aemond scoffed as they were currently in a conversation in their chambers reflecting to that day's council meeting.
The day was at its end and as was y/n, end of her wits. His bickering was just what she needed, "And you?" she said in a tone more accusatory than his, rightfully so "all you add to the discussions is the warpath Ser Criston weaves."
"I stand for it, you just chew out what the council within the council spews" he scoffed, coming out harsher than intended but now this had become usual."I know you informed the hand of my meetings with Cole."
"Didn't do it as a snitch, had you asked me I would have told you I informed the hand." Y/n said trying to counter his condescending remarks. She wasn't a 'puppet' how he implied "Just because I do not agree with you doesn't make me a puppet to those with better judgment than yours."
"Better judgment than mine?" He let out a low huff finding it absurd that she believed Otto and his mother had a better judgment over the war than his, "you think writing to other castles, pleading, awaiting their help whilst we have three large dragons is a better judgement?"
"And what? What do you plan to do with the dragons? Burn all those against us?" She asked him growing agitated having this conversation again, "You are in favour of a lot of unnecessary bloodshed-"
"It is necessary. To make an example, to lay out a path." Aemond interrupted her, taking in a small breath "Raise your banners or watch them burn. This is what the blacks are already set to implement whilst we sit hand on hand sending out messengers!"
"You want to create a sense of fright! That is all you will accomplish with burning houses." She said in an assertive tone as she crossed her arms. This is what Ser Criston had told him too, the words struck him a small remembrance.
"Are you eavesdropping my meetings with Cole?" He questioned, as the reference resembled similar words to Cole's. Cole didn't exactly have the same notion as his wife but the words were vaguely same.
"You sit right across this room" she gestured to the adjoining room after their bedchamber. The small opening after their room led to the table against the wall where Cole and Aemond had their meetings, "The meetings you have after you assume I'm asleep, as it is too loud enough for me to not eavesdrop or be able to sleep."
"Of course" he couldn't help but roll his eyes, "You must have told the hand about it word for word yes? Like a parrot"
"Don't think of yourself too highly, your conversations are rather predictable even to those who aren't present" she replied. He wasn't wrong that she informed the hand about it but she took accountability for that.
"At least my conversations hold a spine" in two strides he reached the table she was leaning on to pour himself a glass of wine, "Unlike yours, but well that is what was intended for you" he shrugged.
For a moment, y/n sighed shutting her eyes "What are you implying?" She asked trying to maintain a calm composure because she was aware he would have words that would make antagonise her.
"You know, why you are in the council in the first place" he said in casual harshness. "Otto needed someone to voice his opinions like the righteous little lady that you are."
"I am on the council because of the seat I have inherited through my father." Y/n referred to the original conversation for her being on the council, he wasn't even part of that decision yet acted like he knew better than anyone. Smugly sipping his wine as he set his cup aside, the inherent smirk on his face irritated her to no end.
"You are claiming the father's seat who didn't even want to claim you?" He scoffed, Aemond could attest for the fact that he did not hate her in full surety. Rather fond of her too, but he was fond of his lady wife. The soft lover he did not knew he needed, big eyes that held love for everything they were laid upon. Tenderness and warmth seeping out the cracks of her which would mend the hollow cracks in him but it was the council member in her, otto's silent weapon which he could not stand.
In the process of wanting to get back at righteous council member he couldn't stand he truly hurt the daughter that begged for her world to sun, tears brimmed her eyes and she could not help it. She struck him across the face, the nerve of him. Shattered the home she thought she might finally have. He simply flinched at her action, his eyes widened a bit not at her gesture but at her tears. Registering her tears before the slap she landed her, at loss of words. "Leave." She spoke with a shuddered breath, couldn't even meet his eyes. Feeling stripped of the hope and pride she spent days building. Y/n had never raised a hand to anyone, that didn’t exactly harm Aemond in any way still the gesture in itself made her feel ugly after a moment’s silence marinated the interaction.
Without saying a word Aemond did leave, he didn't want to retaliate with her in any way. Because in that very moment both of them took a misstep and he did not want that moment to last longer. In a few strides he was out of their chambers. Y/n gripped the table to steady herself as the tears streamed down her face, a restlessness made home within her chest as she took heavy breaths.
The weight of all her despair was so heavy, at times she would just shut them in case and shove them deep inside her heart and inside her mind so she wouldn't have to face them in retrospect. It all just felt so inescapable, how she begged to be her father's daughter and how she was rejected the whole time. Now, farther away from him, bit by bit being at peace with the people she now surrounded herself with. Even in such state of distress she didn't feel alone any longer, she even felt loved. As far stretched as it sounded she even felt at ease with Aemond and he shattered all of it with just one sentence.
She lost the track of time since the moments of Aemond walking out as she just stood there falling apart, but when she felt some footsteps behind her she wiped her tears trying to compose herself. If there was anything she learned from her father it was that, nobody ever cared how much you fall apart so don't give them a reason to hold against you. Daemon always hated weeping children. Quickly she wiped her tears, she wouldn't want Aemond to think of her weak in these times. With a deep sigh she turned to face the footsteps she assumed was Aemond.
Apparently it wasn't. "Yes?" She asked with furrowed brows to the stranger who just walked into the room, not even a knock or an announcement like the guards or servants. The man wasn't even dressed like a guard or a servant. She stood alarmed taking a step further into the table as the man forwarded towards here without a word. "Guard-" she tried to yell as loud as she could but the man grabbed her head in a swift motion and shoved her into the table's edge. As if to knock her unconscious.
"Not another word or I kill you." Blood said with his hands around her neck, about to choke her as she struggled against him. Trying to grasp against his hands on her, trying to suffocate her she kicked her legs. Tried to scream regardless of his warning. With an extreme distaste for her, obviously, in blood's eyes the princess wasn't even worth so much and too much trouble to smuggle out. "Your daddy wants you back."
-
By the time the guards did find the princess, in the hallways, she was already half unconscious. Immediately rescued into the safest place in the keep, the council. Retrieved but not at all unharmed. The council was already set into course for the subject of the young prince when Larys walked in with y/n. He had previously informed her of what had happened with her nephew, his passing it hadn't really struck her yet given she could barely process all that had happened.
Queen alicent gasped as she stood up quickly running to y/n's side, all the bruises on her face, open cuts and bleeding out the torn sleeves in her dress. "Gods..." she exclaimed in horror as she helped her onto her seat. "What happened to her?" She asked Lord Larys.
"The guards found the intruder, trying to smuggle the princess out of the keep. A gold cloak known for his brutal nature, found with her, having inflicted his brutality upon her and...the prince's head, in a sack." He briefed the council as they all listened to him, everyone else but the king at loss of words. As Lord Larys left alicent was still tending to y/n, cooing at her, she seemed to be in a half conscious state.
"I am alright" she muttered to her mother in law as Alicent nodded but held her hand in hers to provide her whatever consolation she could. Just the sight of having suffered such assault sent the queen into a huge distress. Weakly holding her hand back as if to steady herself into this nightmare. When Lord Larys told her of Jahaerys's tragedy she did not believe it at all. She was confidently positive there must be some mistake in his information because that would not be possible at all.
If it wasn't for Aegon screeching in the background, y/n couldn't make out if she was actually awake in this very moment. The ringing in her ears still hadn't gone out and she wished that she would perish with that same ringing if it were to happen because living through this seemed so difficult. No way to navigate, circumstance so heavy she felt paralysed to meet anyone's face. Aegon was screeching as he wept for his son, blind with rage to kill the man found guilty for the crime. The member advised otherwise saying the king has a lot of enemies and they don't know for sure whose hand it could be.
"I suppose you are right..." Aegon trailed off slowly pacing down the table back to his seat, with an accusatory demeanour towards everyone else "it could be anyone of you, in this room."
A small silence fell, strengthening the tension and grief in the room as y/n just stared at the empty seat beside her. That very morning, just the day prior, where her nephew sat. Then Aemond after him, empty now. "It was Daemon." She declared of what she knew for sure, first time in her life she referred to Daemon with his first name instead of her father. After everything that he did, every misery she endured at the hands of her father, what happened now made her want to be distanced and foreign from him as much as she could. "His doing." She breathed and looked at the council, the drained colour on everyone's face she just registered-it was blinding her. "The man—the gold cloak" she continue, "trying to get a hold of me, h-he—he said 'your daddy wants you back.'" Repeating the words sent a chill down her spine as if she was in that very moment again, she still felt those hands on her, suffocating and heavy. A disgusting play in the mix. “That man came here, on Daemon’s order.”
The rest were comprehending that still, how a man could be so crude not only killing a child but having his own assaulted and kidnapped back home like this? " In one sense, as we determine what happened and...if we in the keep are still in peril. In another sense of course...it doesn't matter." Otto said and looked at Y/n. The princess surely did not seem to understand the hand's implication.
However Lord Tyland did so, "You mean to blame Rhaenyra." He said in a beat. "Tell the realm she had done this." Tyland spoke out Otto's implication.
"I'll have the realm told nothing! We were assaulted within our own walls, within our own beds!" Aegon spoke up almost immediately "Y/n, my brother's wife! The fucking princess almost beaten unconscious—being smuggled out?" He emphasised on the word brother, enraged even for his sister in law and the lack of his brother's presence when it must have mattered the most. "I will not be seen as weak!"
"You are already seen as weak aegon." Otto replied once again sending the king into a manic breakdown as he threw around more cups and vases. Otto theorised about how important it was to name Rhaenyra as a cruel person. Killer of infants, despite of whose direct orders those were. The narrative would be what they made.
"You would change, the blood that is on daemon's hand just to spite Rhaenyra." Y/n questioned, red eyes and characteristically on the verge of tears since she walked in here. Alicent found it so hard to look at her face, the cuts and bruises, poor thing. The heavy torment inside her head must be unimaginable, Alicent thought whilst holding y/n's hand a bit tighter. It felt like one of those moments when she was just a child, so many years ago. She would recall, the girl child was such a loner, always speaking in short words that is if spoken to. The shy little girl, who would just sit in a corner and colour or read. So much like her Aemond yet so different. When they would be in public settings, too many people, she would meekly hold Alicent's hand. Amongst all those unfamiliar faces. Little y/n just deemed Alicent familiar, comfortable. What was so wholesome years ago held such horror now. Alicent holding the lady's hand to provide her comfort her words won't be able to, the protection she could not. "Why won't you paint that man for the monster that he is?!" Y/n spoke as her voice broke, it felt unfair. Daemon not being held accountable yet again.
"Because, Daemon isn't the pretender to the throne. He would be the king consort. Banners are being declared for Rhaenyra, not in his name." Otto explained, to his preference narrative was just a useful toy. One name here or there did not make a difference.
"That is unfair." She said shaking her head, tears brimmed her eyes, taking in short breaths. In all these council meetings she did not speak up against Otto considering him respectable and more learned yet today, "how can you keep on accounting for him...again and again?!" Y/n asked but she was begging in agony. "Y-You were here. Always present. And you never did anything—all his heinous crimes! You always had the opportunity to hold him responsible and you did nothing!" She exclaimed, not being able to help herself as she thought back to a conversation at this very table. A conversation she must not have been there for, but the hand would have.
"It is perhaps your shock and grief speaking for you." Otto replied, not moved by the young lady's accusations at all. "I for one, do not understand your place of reference"
"When he murdered my mother!" Y/n said, growing more and more restless with her speech. Otto must be right, it was all the piled up grief inside of her speaking for her in this very moment but she could not let the monster that was her father be off the hook again, "You could've held a proper council, had him pay for what he did and we wouldn't be seeing this day today! We have that chance now and yet again you would rather Rhaenyra take the blame for his barbarism!"
Otto felt silent for a moment, the girl's rage was justified to the extent of him having no answer for her but he knew to trust his wit more, "I cannot undo...my regrets. I assure you I hold a lot of remorse in having a part in letting daemon go from daemon to the rogue prince and now this...monster. But if we don't do this, he would become king consort. The word consort is a feeble adjective." What he said was supposed to make sense to y/n but she could not see past the rage and need for vengeance she held against her father. Looking away, she wiped her tears. "A funeral progress. Let them see the child. Let them look upon the works of this pretender to the throne." Otto proposed once y/n was assuming-ly settled.
"Father" Alicent said with weary and concerned eyes, such tragedy being shouted out as a public funeral procession sounded so vain.
"My king..." Otto waited for Aegon's presumedly understood voice.
"No..." Aegon answered firmly "I will not have my little son's body dragged through the street like a dead dog." As he said that y/n felt nearly faint. To this very moment she did not accept that the child had passed.
"Not dragged, honoured." Otto corrected. "Escorted to the dragon pits to be burned as a Targaryen prince!" Otto went on and on about how he loved his grandson, his heart was in the right place with the grief yet the path he set was in accordance with the warpath. Just plots and schemes. Falling silent, paralysed y/n looked down to her lap. She refused to even register this conversation because it meant registering the fact that a darling child, Jahaerys...was gone.
Aegon couldn't stomach this proposal which came as an already arranged firm announcement either, looking around the room nobody said a word against the hand's plan. "You would say nothing?!" He demanded of y/n, why won't somebody help this mad notion. "Your dear nephew, have you nothing to add?" He was almost begging, hoping she would get the hand to change his mind for this funeral procession. She didn't, y/n just looked up at Aegon and then Alicent, tears in her eyes which just didn't seem to stop flowing. "Mother." Aegon called out when y/n couldn't speak up.
Leaving y/n's side Alicent walk's up to aegon, "the hand sets a difficult path, my darling. But it might be the right one." She told her inconsolable soul.
"Let the silent sisters ready the prince for his final journey." Otto said without waiting a moment for the king or anyone to come forth with opposition "And riding behind him, his mother the queen, the princess and the queen dowager."
"No, I do not wish to be spectacle." Alicent opposed instantly, the weariness and fright in y/n's eyes speaking the same "Especially y/n, not in this state. She can barely talk-stand, she has been terrorised. You can't simply—"
"The realm must see the sorrow of the crown. A sorrow best expressed through its gentle souls." Otto said followed by alicent sighing, then he looked at the side to y/n, "We need to display our heavily victimised as well" he said, the bleeding wounds on her face seemed like little trophies of sympathy to Otto. "I think you'll all agree the king himself must be spared."
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A deafening silence lingered within Aemond, he had been out, sharpening out his swords, practising. Fucking practising on jute bags when he should've been there. Y/n was in Alicent's chambers because she could not walk into her own, couldn't even take in the sight of it. The thrashed furniture, from her struggling against the intruding gold cloak. The...the sack. In which he had stored the boy's head. Where the man had placed it in her chamber, at the entrance, it had created a circular stain of blood. Jahaerys's blood. She could not even think about the room within those four walls without picturing the insidious crime. She sat on the floor against the bed, windows open and soft white light of the day seeping in yet to y/n it still felt like a night of hailstorm. She didn't even look up to the footsteps of the stride coming inside the room, Aemond. He walked to her, kneeling down to the floor to her level.
Aemond was drenched with so much guilt in his heart, he felt pathetic to even breathe the same air as his lady wife. She had her face turned away from him, he could just see the small cuts on her face, the torn dress, still seeping out dried blood, her weary stature. It was all mortifying in the first place. He was so livid, with himself, with the intruder. Even with Larys, who informed him about the happenings at the last. By the time he rushed back inside the council was already done with. He had nothing he could say to y/n, no way of consoling her either.
It's not as if she would want to be consoled by him too, the emotional support he would want to offer her walked out with him when he walked out after their fight the previous night. With the disturbing things that had happened with her, she had almost forgotten the words he said. She couldn't even remember why she was crying before it all, that sick with grief. Aemond gently held her chin, hesitantly afraid she would turn him away. She had every right to do so. She didn't move him away, had no energy to do so. His heart sank as he saw the blood streaked stitches, poorly done and most of her wounds left untreated. "Why are these open?" He asked her softly, referring to her wounds, "Where are the maesters?"
"The hand, has asked for these to be left raw as they were planted." Y/n briefed him, her voice was so wavering, all that crying. "He means for them to be displayed for the funeral procession...so the realm can see" y/n scoffed softly as she repeated otto's exact words.
"You don't have to go." Aemond told her in a firm way, sure that he could get the hand to change his mind whether he liked it or not because y/n's comfort was his priority.
"No..." she trailed off, in agreement refraining to look at him her voice held no emotion. "But I do. I have to." She continued "Wouldn't want Haelena to be alone"
"Mother would be with her." Aemond added taking her hands in his softly, finally getting her to react to his presence as she looked down upon his gesture. Apparently to take her hands out of his grasp.
"But then I would be alone here..." She trailed off, a hint of frustration and fright in her tone. "I don't want to be alone."
"I would be with you, y/n." Aemond cooed softly fixing the loose strand of her hair, tucking it behind her ear as he leant forward. “You won’t be alone.”
"I find myself unable to put faith in you, Aemond." She breathed looking down, she felt like a cornered animal, just so scared and full of distrust. "...in your assurance. I'd rather not."
Aemond had nothing he could say to that. She did not trust the integrity of his principles and rightfully so. He knew he had broken that trust of security within her. "My heart, I apologise for the distress I have caused you. I did not mean any of it" he told her but the heaviness in his heart told him his words would change nothing. She couldn't talk either, bursting into tears and her stitches seemed to hurt because her face moved but she was so much numbed to the physical pain in comparison to how she felt inside. Aemond could just offer her his embrace in this time and that is what he did. Enlacing her into her arms, rubbing her back in soothing circles her let her cry into his chest. "They will pay for this." He muttered softly as he continued to hold her. Even with the pain he made her feel, the distrust and hurt she felt just in seeing Aemond could not let her turn away the familiarity of his comfort. His was the only comfort she had ever known.
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Once again clarifying that the brothel subplot is absolutely NON EXISTENT in this fic Aemond Targaryen is a lot of things but not a cheater <333
Pls let know what you think about this + added to the tg list🫧
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🏷️ @love-is-a-dagger @daddzawa @1109002 @void21 @annedub @teapartydreams @batmans-love @ih8books @oopsdownloadedrumblragain-blog @aemondwhoresworld @unsweetenedpeatea @immyowndefender @aleemendoza2425-blog @vane282-blog @atargaryenlover @targaryenswhxre @sabii5 @vibescanner @darylandbethfanforever9
#aemond targaryen x wife!reader#aemond targaryen x you#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond targaryen fanfiction#aemond targaryen imagine#Aemond Targaryen x y/n#aemond targaryen x targaryen!reader#aemond targaryen angst#aemond targaryen fluff#aemond targaryen x female reader#aemond targaryen fanart#hotd aemond#hotd fanfic#hotd season 2#house of the dragon#aemond targaryen
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After a 5 Month Break… I’m back With a Huge Success Story. I MANIFESTED REVERSING A REJECTION LETTER, TO ATTENDING MY DREAM SCHOOL IN A WEEK!
im back and im more motivated then ever. As you guys may know, my last post was 5 months ago as for I did NOT say I was taking a break. Welllll, I HAVE ONE OF MY BIGGEST SUCCESS STORIES YET. Before I left tumblr, I was super into “the void” and wanting to get in. Well no. Lol, Sammy Ingram snapped me right out of that. What I didn’t share was that I didn’t get into my dream school I been wanting to go for 3 years. Me and my sister was suppose to finally be going to the same school, walking on the same campus. Well let’s just say things didn’t go as planned. I didn’t get in, and when I saw my rejection letter my heart broke into a million pieces. I don’t remember how long I cried for. Until I remembered who I AM. I got myself together, and affirmed like a maniac. I affirmed through tears, hurt, through watching and hearing my friends get into their dream schools. I was depressed. I cried in school, at home, randomly throughout the day I was a mess. The 3D was slapped right in my face and even though I saw ZERO MOVEMENT. I had to practice what I preached right? I affirmed through the circumstances because I knew they weren’t permanent. Yes, and though I was sad, mad, it made me want to affirm more. I did 4 10 minute sessions everyday, with one 15 minute session. As well as robotically affirming throughout the day. I couldn’t stand me not going to the same school as my sister, especially since I HATED THE ONE I CURRENTLY WAS AT. If I didn’t get accepted I would have to return back which made me want to persist even more. I deserved this opportunity.
Of course, as the 3D is a mirror it has no choice to reflect your dominant beliefs. One day as I was in the going back home. My mom randomly said “I have exciting news for you.” Of course I asked what it was excitedly. Mind you I was still affirming even when I got in the car. She told me, that the dean of the school I wanted to get into said I still had a chance to get in, and what I need to do to get in. I needed another recommendation letter. WHATTTT? Now I affirmed that my recommendation letter was sooo good, and that my teacher KISSED MY FUCKING ASS in the recommendation letter. Literally this was my affirmations. “ I got into my dream school!” “Whatever teacher writes my recommendation letter kissed my ass, talking about how im such a good student!” Less then a week later my FINAL ACCEPTANCE LETTER COMES IN?? Now I don’t know why I didn’t get in the first time, nor do I care. THE HOW IS NOT OUR JOB TO WORRY ABOUT. WE HAVE ONE JOB. AFFIRM.
Here’s the acceptance letter, as for I manifested the rejection letter being turned into an acceptance letter! I did cross out, private information! By doing this and staying consistent, I manifested in 2 days. This just shows to stay consistent in your new assumption and stick with the new story! Your imagination is your only limit.
#law of assumption#manifesting#loassumption#neville goddard#manifesation#loa success#loablr#robotic affirming#10minute method#school#dream school#acceptance letter#subliminals#subconscious#success story#manifest your reality#the world is yours#the world is your oyster#3d is an illusion#3d reality#3d is an illusion#4d reality#4d#i want it i got it
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Alright this one's probably best for the tags.
#vagueblogging at a time like this?#yep#welcome to my public diaries mes amis#but i guess it would be nice to have some.... support? validation?#i dunno but really it would be nice to be seen on this#i am an adult woman well into my twenties and getting on to my 30s in the nexr couple years#and i only realized i was gay about two years ago now#my theraptist at the time told me i should tell my parents#because she firmly believed my biggest issue was that i didnt talk to them often or honestly enough#i wasnt sure#but i was so elated to finally acknowledge this part of myself that i told them#they didnt care#well. my dad was supportive. he and his twin sister combined i think have all of the gay cousins on that side of the family#so hes more experienced with lgbt stuff given what his sister#and my cousins#have been going through#my mom? said- and i quote- i dont care#and like??? it makes me remember that there is a fine line between unconditional love and apathy#anyhoo this was actually not gonna be a trauma dumping session#i was really just gonna say that the reason i realized i was gay was early ace attorney fanfic#like... people writing the way that little baby phoenix first found he had a crush on miles?#i realized.... holy shit. thats me.#thats me getting jealous over my best friends#thats me wanting to hold my best friend's hand#thats me wanting to share my whole life with my college roommate#and then theres a fanfic out there where someone included a /how to know youre a lesbian/ document because it had changed the authors life#and she wanted to share it#i am so glad she did#it helped me a lot#but man if overcoming YEARS of repression and homophobia isnt a bitch
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#how to deal with an irrational rage fueld angry grieving mother#like it was hard to deal with her before and now it’s unreal and it is fucking with me and my sisters emotions like she’s being terrible#to us and to the pets and literally every little thing#she had no problem yelling at me for having a ‘negative tone’ which is really just me trying to talk without crying meanwhile she has#the worst tone that makes the entire house feel so negative#like as if my sister and i aren’t also grieving#and fuck our mental illness and our constant guilt from a life of gaslighting :)#the things she’s doing and saying are awful and she either doesn’t realize how awful and how it makes us feel or if she knows and is#deliberately being mean without giving a shit about how we feel#like she talks a good talk in therapy but as soon as we walk out the door it’s back to no communication or understanding not applying#anything we talk about like the last group session was like 2 weeks ago and she had t brought up or tried anything we talked about#and it’s just getting worse and there’s nothing we can do about it#if anyone knows please tell me
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