Bethy got mom a small nutcracker at Walmart. She loved nutcrackers very much and she asked me if I wanted to guess its name.
I struggled. This went on for several minutes before I hit record.
Careful with the volume! @flamingpen18 here we are!
~.O.~
Me: Alright, so, it's not the name of a person. It is the name of a Thing. So, it's not a proper name. You are making it a Proper Noun by making it a name, but it not necessarily a name. So, it's not named after people, which means it's a Thing. But I don't- It's- Is it- Is it an ice cream? Is this supposed to be an ice cream?
Mom: I don't really know what it's supposed to be.
Me: Okay, well, that doesn't help me.
Mom: What it looked like to me-
Me: It's- DONT' TELL ME! *chokes*
Mom: I was like, "That's his name. That's his name right there."
Me: Um... Uuuum. Well because- *flabbergasted* He just looks like a fucking nutcracker with an ice cream thing on top. I don't really -What can it- Okay. Is it in relation to an animal?
Mom: No.
Me: What the f- *slaps knee in frustration* Okay. Is it in relation-
Mom: I'm really concerned. *laughs*
Me: *high-pitched giggles* Is it in relation to a food?
Mom: Yes.
Me: Food, okay! This does not help at all. Is it only a food, or is it used to be anything else or is it just food?
Mom: I have seen Nana use this particular item, that is a food, as something else.
Me: ...Butter?
Mom: No.
Me: *wheezing and cackling*
Mom: *weird look* What does butter have to do with anything?
Me: No! You don't wanna know what I was thinking!
Mom: Never mind, Helen, you are not good at this. OMG.
Me: *wheezing* I have such a headache OMG!
Mom: And you did it to yourself. I hope you're happy.
Me: I CAN'T- I'M TRYING! Okay, so... My throat hurts.
Mom: Doo- doo- doo- That's what happens when you cackle like a hyena.
Me: *wheezing* It's not my fault, I can't- Okay, food. Yeah, but how does it- Okay, but if it's not ice cream then how- *chuckling* Okay.
Mom: What else does it look like?
Me: I DON'T KNOW! He looks like an old man trying to be Santa but as a nutcracker! Okay? *giggles*
Mom: Santa Crackers.
Me: Like... okay. *sniffs* *giggles* I forgot for a second that you said food and I thought, 'nipples' but like-
Mom: *cough* No. No! NO!
Me: *cackles* Well- but you said it was on top of it-
Mom: God, what is wrong with you?!
Me: *giggles* Okay. Okay. *sniffs* I'm okay.
Mom: That's up for debate.
Me: Okay.
Mom: Yeah, you said that but still... *laughs*
Me: *wheezing* Ok- *coughs* Oka- I CAN'T! JUS- Okay.
Mom: STOP SAYING 'OKAY'! WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS NOT OKAY!
Me: I was thinking, I was like, what is that like for?
Mom: It's okay, Gumdrop. Aunt Helen'll be okay!
Me: *giggles* *sniffs* To think, we started off with me asking if it was named Martin. *cackles* And then if it was named Nana. *laughs* OMG, man I am not good at that at all. Okay. Okay so... Okay.
Mom: Ar- You keep saying 'okay' and it is not.
Me: You can't blame be because there was a thing on top of it! *coughs*
Mom: I want you to know that I can do nothing but blame you! *giggles*
Me: There was a thingy on to of it, okay? It- It looked less like that and more like the top scoop of an ice cream cone!
Mom: *mumbles* De scoop. De scoopa.
Me: Like, I'm trying to think of like, fucking food, and I should've asked if it was a fucking snack or some shit, it would've made it fucking faster. *sighs* Okay. My head hurts... and it's your fault.
Mom: ...*offended look*
Me: *wheezes*
Mom: How'd it become my fault?
Me: *clears throat* *sniffs* Because you were relishing in my suffering.
Mom: Well, of course, it was funny. Also, very sad.
So my mom found my tiktok (which has no content whatsoever and doesn't use my name anyway so she doesn't know it's me) and here I am trying to keep a neutral face and say "Whoa I wonder who it is..."
one time I used the ben affleck smoking reaction image in the family group chat and my mom replied with the funniest possible response which was: "mommy doesn't know who the guy is???" and that phrase has not left my brain since. I'll see blorbos on my dash that I don't recognize and I'll be like well it seems mommy doesn't know who the guy is.
[TEXT ID: / [Lemons] / My father's mother loved lemons. Years after her passing, / we run out of everything, but never / lemons. / Nothing else shelters grief / better than memory. / It's my father way of saying, / even in your absence, you will be / cared by me. / END ID]