#me and february dont see eye to eye. this will be a month

[entriprises]

taking my own idea out of dilly's comments and turning it into a post. we should do roster blind dates. im setting up my muse with your muse like we are two jewish moms playing matchmaker with our kids and no they dont know who the other is beforehand and now they have to sit and have dinner and get through it. who wants one. i will write so many of these

[sacrificial-hare]

Parents are so funny, they're like "If you need to talk to us about anything, you always can" and then they're the thing you need to talk about 100% of the time.

[try-set-me-on-fire]

Tagged by @iinryer @butchdiaz and @eddiebabygirldiaz to do a 2024 year end fic round up! 125,710 words over 26 fics… damn… at least one fic a month and now I desperately want to try and finish something in the next few days so I dont break that streak for December… we’ll see… okay here we go! Thank you to everyone who’s read anything of mine, I had a lot of fun writing and I hope you had fun reading!

January

I got love to give, and give and give 1,638 words, rated T, melancholy and fluff, Hen and Buck bestieism

“What’s up with you, Buckaroo?” She laughs, poking his silly cheek.

“I love you,” he says, so sweet, looking even happier just to say it. “So much, Hen. Do- did you know it?”

“Yes,” she says, laugh still in her voice but chest a little tighter. “I know it, Buck.”

He drops his cheek to her shoulder, and then turns his head quick to kiss the spot. “Good. You’re the best. You should know it, a- a hundred- a thousand percent.”

—

Hen thinks about Buck at a party

the more we move ahead the more we’re stuck in rewind 4,278 words, rated T, the Buckley’s bad parenting

Bobby frowns at his phone, then leans over to show the screen to Buck. “May keeps sending me these memes,” he says the word wrong, and it makes Buck’s eyes sting for some reason. “And I just don’t understand what on earth this is supposed to mean.”

Buck coughs, mostly to cover up for the way his eyes are watery, and blinks at the screen. He doesn’t know how to say thank you, for any of it, but maybe he can at least figure this out.

—

After the factory fire, Buck’s parents show up at the station. It goes poorly. Written for the bad things happen bingo prompt: backhand slap.

only the best will do 801 words, rated G, silly wedding fluff

Buck gets a little intense about wedding planning. Chimney hides in the kitchen. Eddie is a man in love.

February

and I know I should go but I’ll probably stay 2,535 words, rated T, buddie hurt comfort

It’s unpleasant, enough that Buck screws his eyes shut and breathes and tries to pretend he’s someplace else. Chris is at the Wilson’s tonight, it’s their turn in the rotating childcare-for-date-night agreement that Hen seemed to have been eagerly waiting to sign them up for. It had been the third thing she said when they got together, right after congratulations and I’m so happy for you. Anyway, they’re going to go sit down at the Thai food place they usually only have the time and energy to order from home. It’ll be nice. Three months in and Buck still gets all giddy when Eddie holds his hand out in public. Or anywhere, really. He could slide their fingers together at the bottom of this stupid pit and Buck would feel all fluttery and starry eyed.

—

Buck and Eddie are both hurt on the job and a choice has to be made. Written for the Bad Things Happen Bingo square “Take Me Instead”

won’t you close your weary eyes 3,714 words, rated T, Buck and Bobby hurt comfort, parental feelings

Bobby doesn’t actually hear the warning shout. Or- it’s possible that he did, in the moment, but he has no memory of the sound. Just Buck, 20 or so feet away, turning towards him mid conversation with a look of horror on his face, mouth open around an unheard word, arm moving slow motion up in what he's sure is a frantic wave. He does hear the sound of impact, an almost comical series of hollow metallic bonks. They'll all laugh about this later, he thinks on the way down. Bunch of pipes dropping on the fire Captain's head. Pretty sure he saw that on looney toons.

—

Bobby gets a concussion and Buck stays with him. Written for the bad things happen bingo prompt: concussion.

March

the going water and the gone 31,547 words, rated T, cruise ship spec, Eddie missing presumed dead, angst with a happy ending

It doesn’t take long for Buck to be cleared to leave. He’s given antibiotics for the water he swallowed, a handful of bandages to cover shallow wounds, and instructions to take it easy. Horror clenches in his stomach. Eddie is gone and he gets off with Advil and a nap.

—

Eddie is missing presumed dead after the cruise ship sinks, Buck tries to keep his promises

I’d shine up the old brown shoes, I’d put on a brand-new shirt 3,565 words, rated T, friends with benefits buck/natalia, Eddie and Buck feelings realization through giving Chris dating advice

“No, I need, like-“ Eddie sighs so hard it almost sounds like static. “I need… guy help. Will you just come over?”

“Are you-” Buck turns away from Natalia and kind of hunches over the phone, making his voice quieter. “Are you having a penis problem?”

“What?” Buck’s never heard Eddie that high pitched. Loud, too, enough that Buck yanks the phone away from his ear and Natalia snorts with barely contained laughter behind him. When he brings the phone back in, Eddie is making a lot of blustery sounds, which Buck waits out until he finds words again. “Wh- No! No, I don’t have- I’m not having a ‘penis problem,’ Buck!”

Buck shrugs at the air in front of him. “Okay, Eddie, you’re the one who’s hiding in a bathroom and said you needed my ‘guy help,’ what was th-”

“Oh my god, Buck, I need relationship advice, okay!”

—

Chris is going on his first date. Eddie calls Buck for backup.

what useless tools ourselves 4,905 words, rated G, Buck in the hours after Eddie’s s5 breakdown

After Eddie chokes out what he can of a tragedy nearly a decade in the making, and after they go together to make sure Christopher is okay — the kid's eyes are wide where they meet Buck's over his father's shoulder, Eddie still trembling as he holds him — they sit back down at the kitchen table and Buck cleans Eddie's knuckles.

—

Buck, between the breakdown and dawn. Written for the BTHB prompt bloody knuckles.

April

when we’re barely awake in the heat of the day’s weight 1,037 words, rated M, buck/tommy early relationship tenderness

“You okay?” The man asks, voice rough with sleep though not too loud even with his mouth maybe three inches from Buck’s ear. He’s so soft. All his hard edges and he’s just so soft.

“Yeah,” Buck half-whispers, relaxing into him. “Sorry. It’s just, uh- been awhile since I woke up someplace new.” He hadn’t been paying much attention to ceiling texture when they’d stumbled to bed last night, either. It matches what little glimpses he had been paying attention to in Tommy’s charmingly vintage apartment. Brick exterior. Funny orange tiles in the kitchen. “Think it might have been since, uh…” Shit. He’d been to Natalia’s once for just a few minutes because she had an ornery roommate, and Taylor always came to his. Ali found him the loft specifically to have a nice place to wake up in after fucking. “Uh, Abby, maybe.”

—

Buck wakes up at Tommy’s place and they have a conversation about taking up space

you’ve got too much to wear on your sleeve 4,136 words, rated G, buck/tommy hurt comfort

“Uh, sorry.” He stares down at Eddie’s shoes. “I just think I’m- I’m kind of scared.” He eventually understood, intellectually, why Ali left him. It was a lot. She didn’t really get the scope of what she was signing up for. His leg had turned something fun and casual into something suddenly dead fucking serious. So, yeah, he understood, but he’s not sure until this moment that he really, actually understood. Tommy’s down that hall somewhere, and he got hurt at his job which is dangerous, and Buck is wondering how awful it would be to flee back through all the hallways and out of Pasadena to parts of the city he knows better, and go and find a nice safe girl with a nice safe job so his chest won’t ever feel like this. Or, only feel like this sometimes, with Eddie or Hen and Chimney and Bobby, or Maddie, people who he’s already seen bleed so he knows they can do it.

—

Tommy’s helicopter goes down. Buck fixes the station AC unit.

If you go down to Hammond you’ll never come back 1,339 words, rated G, early relationship buck/tommy fluff, madney wedding spec but more like madney wedding au really, prophetic daddy joke

“Oh, uh.” Eddie shrugs, stretches. “You know. Buck. It’s kind of… who he’s become, who he’s proud of being. I guess, I mean- we haven’t talked about it specifically. But yeah, I think… it’s like the turnouts, you put them on, feel good about who you are in them. And it’s the name he’s used ever since he came here, it’s- neat. Like, a clean break from when he… was young, and alone.” He shrugs again, smiles a little. “His friends call him Buck.”

Tommy’s thumb slips in the condensation on his glass. “Should I-”

“No.” Eddie’s voice is very soft. “I think… for most of his life only Maddie ever said ‘Evan’ and meant ‘I’m happy to see you.’ I think… it’s good, that he has that with you.”

Tommy just- tries to remember how to breathe normally for a second. “I am,” he says. “Happy to see him.” A funny, shaky little joy in his stomach every single time he looks up and sees Evan Buckley.

—

Eddie and Tommy talk at the wedding

May

that makes calamity of so long life 1901 words, rated T, buck/tommy fluff and angst, tragic backstories

The afternoon sun sneaking through the curtain lights him right up, glowing in his curls and against his cheek like the air itself can’t help but touch him. It makes Tommy feel kind of out of breath, kind of out of his depth. “Sometimes I think I must have made you up," he says, because the walls aren't melting but this still feels like a dream.

“I was.” Buck says it softly, and then blinks, like the words were out of his mouth before his brain could catch them. “Made up,” he says, a clarification that doesn’t make anything clearer.

—

Tommy learns about Daniel, and thinks about life and safety and caring about things

Autolysis 5,607 words, rated T, Bobby Nash goes in the blender, parental feelings, guilt grief and depression, food as a metaphor for love and what happens when you dont have enough of either

Buck dies, and he’s cold right away. They all are, this isn’t the kind of summer storm where the rain is almost warm. It’s freezing out here, even under all the layers of their gear. Bobby’s sure his own skin is corpse-cool, but he holds Buck and the harness pulls him stiff in his arms, and his body is cold, and he thinks Wait. It’s happening too fast. Wait. He’s dead, and Bobby lays him carefully on the gurney, and he rides up front with Eddie as they tear through the streets towards the hospital, frantic noise and movement reaching them from the back. He’s dead when they pull up to the doors. The human body begins to decay after four minutes, starts to consume itself, the final hunger. Bobby hears the crack of his sternum when Eddie’s palms press so far into his chest his heart starts to beat again. 43 seconds to spare.

-

Written for the bad things happen bingo prompt: make it look like an accident

June

big heart, I wanna let it bleed 2,106 words, rated G, buck joins the team a little younger au, buck and Bobby feels

Buck looks happy as a dog with a bone, glancing at Bobby with a mile wide grin. It's a familiar kind of look, though it takes until they're almost at the ambulance — Buck chatting away all the while — for him to place it, and it nearly makes him stumble when he does. Robert would give him that look when he made a new friend on the playground and got invited to hang out. Please, Dad, can I go? He's sure Buck didn't mean anything by it. Bobby doesn't have that authority in his life, nicknames and Springsteen concerts nothing that adds up to a tangible connection. And the kid- well, he's not a kid. 25 years old, can arrange his own playdates perfectly well.

July

I know the words, I know the sounds 2,147 words, rated G, buck/tommy breakup because one of them realizes their best friend they’ve been in love with forever is suddenly an option, oops wrong best friend

“I’ll step on your toes,” Buck warns, turning fully towards him and vaguely holding up his hands for Eddie to do whatever it is that needs to happen to make the dancing start.

Eddie snorts, moves one of Buck’s hands to his shoulder and holds the other, and taps his shiny dress shoe very gently into Buck’s big toe. “Do your worst.”

—

Buck and Eddie dance at Tommy’s wedding

and the air was full 397 words, rated G, storm chasers au

There’s a crack in the sky, lightning glowing white hot across his field of vision, and it’s behind Buck but somehow his eyes are lit up with it. The thunder comes less than a second later.

buff in, fan dry, wash out 1,758 words, rated G, art student au, Buck and Shannon are friends and that makes his crush on her recently divorced husband kind of awkward

The old drawing — something abstract, all bold sweeping lines — slowly disappears as it wears away and gets covered by sludge. He always feels a little guilty, getting rid of somebody’s work like this. A little inadequate, trying to come up with something good enough to replace it.

—

Eddie stops by the printmaking studio as Buck and Shannon work

August

get out of the waves get out of the water 1,856 words, rated T, Eddie pov of going water and the gone

Eddie’s foot slides out from under him and his first thought is Oh shit, sorry. He’ll find that funny, eventually.

—

Lost at sea, Eddie dreams

Autobiography 13,152 words, rated M, Buck’s turn in the blender, unreliable narrator but its hardly his fault no one tells him anything about his own life, depression and suicidal tendencies, past assault, pet death that may or may not have happened, 😬, also a twine game

A dog runs into the street after a ball and gets hit by a car.

September

every moment points towards the aftermath 1,755 words, rated G, friends at the table crossover/au but you dont need to know the podcast to read but also you should listen to the podcast, they’re wrestlers, they live in New Jersey but it’s Weird

For awhile, in the beginning, every time Eddie meets Buck the other man has blood in his teeth.

October

should we talk about the weather 20,059 words, rated M, au where some people are drift compatible but without the giant robots, madney fluff and buddie angst and hen + chim bestieism

And then, in Los Angeles, 2018, Eddie had met Buck. Then, huddled over a man with a bomb in his leg, Eddie had needed gauze and Buck’s hand had moved. Then, in the parking lot bathed in the light of an ambulance on fire, Buck had inhaled and Eddie's lungs expanded. And, well, that was that.

cut through the knot 9,924 words, rated M, oh boy Bobby is in the blender again, the whole thing is a therapy session with Frank, long list of content warnings on this one I’ll just leave them on ao3, did you know i love that guy. i love that old man. sorry Bobby that i keep doing this to you

“I’ve been doing fine lately.”

“I’m glad. That’s not what I asked.”

Bobby frowns at Frank, who’s sitting as relaxed and neutral as he always is. “You’re a therapist. Don’t you need to know my… current mental state, something like that?”

“Sure,” Frank smiles just the tiniest bit. Bobby doesn’t know if that means he’s succeeded or failed at something. “But I asked: why are you here?”

—

Bobby goes to therapy. Written for the bad things happen bingo prompt: self harm

right here with you 1,112 words, rated G, the 118 basically in a cuddle pile as penance for what I put Bobby through in the last one

Bobby’s not convinced it wasn’t a stumble — he’s pretty sure he saw a kind of panicked look on Chimney’s face between the whirling limbs — but Buck lands on the couch somehow. There’s a lot of cushion space unoccupied, but he ends up half on top of Bobby, sort of sideways, sort of leaning against Bobby’s chest. He twists his head this way and that until he finds an angle that’s not too sore to look up at him. His grin is big and goofy, eyes a little vacant in the way that comes with strong painkillers, and Bobby laughs down at him.

—

The 118 recuperate after a rough day. Written for the bad things happen bingo prompt: cry into chest

November

3 new short fics in the all my life, there you go series

Family 1,211 words, 118 family feels, new buddie, Eddie and Maddie friendship

Phone calls 1,938 words, Eddie calls Buck drunk from wine night and confesses his love

Hand kisses 1,022 words, angst, Eddie’s moved to Texas and is centimeters from a big gay realization but is already trying to marry Buck anyway

Phew!!! We got through it! Hello down here! @colonoscopys @wildehacked @shitouttabuck @bigfootsmom @devirnis @chronicowboy @gayeddieagenda @homerforsure @ anyone who’s tagged me or I’ve tagged and who’s urls I’m forgetting, anyone who sees this and wants to brag, you dear reader, please share your stuff if you wanna!

[honeytonedhottie]

HONEYS IT GIRL MAGAZINE february edition⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🎀

this is a new thing im doing on my blog that i think you'd all like very much called honeys magazine/catalog. basically like a monthly inside scoop on data that i've collected, things i've learned/started doing, and just general info like that organized in kind of a teen-magazine inspired fashion. a magazine for it girls ✨

i've had so much fun putting together the february catalog and i'd love to hear feedback of things that you'd like to see in the next edition. and now, please enjoy the it girl magazine ✨

FEBRUARY FASHION ;

february is full of silks and lace. feminine muted colors like beiges, whites, and pinks. this february i've rly been into tweed dresses. accessories that i've been loving this february include pearls, stockings, and ribbons.

a lot of the clothes that i've been eyeing are things that are more light in fabric and in color. such as cute camisoles with lace trim and i've rly been into the chic look this february as i've mentioned before.

when it comes to jewelry and accessories i always love to layer and be excessive and even though during february i've been obsessed with the chic look, i always add lots of accessories. if not something huge like bracelets or necklaces, i'll be excessive with rings or something smaller.

in general HYPERFEMININE and super cute and girly clothes have been my favorite thing in february especially cuz of valentines day. the theme is soft-wear. shimmery, sheer, and showered in flowers.

cute earrings (preferably the smaller ones) like studs, pearls, or cute spherical earrings

hair clips and barrettes

bangles

tweed dresses

pearl necklaces

remember those dress up games you may have used to play when u were little? when dressing this february, thats what inspired my february fashion. fluffy lashes, cutesy accessories and heels.

i read up a lot on CHANEL bcuz i think that her brand embodies the chic look perfectly and here are some fashion tips from coco chanel (this is my source)

look for the woman in the dress, if there is no woman then there is no dress - basically means dont let your clothes wear you

it is always better to be slightly underdressed - coco's understanding of chic was subtle glamor and lush fabrics

fashion changes but style endures - some clothes are timeless like a little black dress (aubrey hepburn) a quality handbag and a crisp white shirt

WHAT IM LISTENING TO LATELY ;

my favorite album of this month is kali uchis's orquídeas. i absolutely adore her music, energy and vibe. and the whole album is just MWAH. my favorite songs from the album are ;

te mata

igual que un ángel

perdiste

another album that i've been obsessed with this past month is the twicetagram album from twice. i just love the energy in the songs. my favorite songs from that album are LOOK AT ME and LOVELINE. and lastly, just songs that i've enjoyed listening to this february ;

yes, and? - ariana grande

never lose me - flo milli

wonderboy - GWSN

scenery - red velvet

angels in tibet - amaarae

FOR THE BLOG ;

since its going to be march and were kinda transitioning from the winter season -> spring, you can expect to see lots of spring related content from me. another thing that i rly wanna set up for my blog is membership if thats something that u guys'd be interested in.

and also after doing the valentines day challenge, i had so much fun with it and i kinda wanna do more challenges. so if i end up setting up membership i think services like those would be provided.

lastly, since im an advocate for not over consuming the law, i won't be answering inbox questions about the law so that then u guys can focus ENTIRELY on ur manifestations and not over complicate it bcuz the law is easy and you already know how to do it + if u have any general questions i've answered plenty of questions about the law in my blog ANYWAYS. the reason im doing this is so that then you can focus on your manifestations 🫶🏽 and i hope that you guys find it helpful.

HONEYS BEAUTY CORNER TOPIC - HYDRATION ;

when your skin is hydrated, you GLOW on such a deeper level and i absolutely love looking and feeling like a little dew drop so here's some hydration beauty tips

vasline is an occlusive, that simply means that the moisturizing ingredients that create a physical barrier on the skin to prevent transepidermal water loss and lock in hydration. after brushing ur lips to exfoliate, u can just go in and put some vaseline on ur lips and your lips will be HYDRATED.

using a body oil + a body lotion has taken my hydration game to new HEIGHTS. the key to this is to make sure the scents match or have similar notes at least, and moisturize DAMP skin so that then it can absorb better. walk around with a hand lotion, and lip moisturizer ALWAYS.

the key to a dewey makeup look is having a good base. its all about preparing the skin before u put the makeup on. use a good creamy moisturizer and use a glowy spf and then use a good primer.

FOR THE WELLNESS GIRLIES ;

hormone balancing tea blend that i tried and loved ; raspberry leaf tea with spearmint and dandelion root tea. i drink mine with honey a couple days before and during my period and my cramps have been so minimal and my hormones have been so balanced.

hydration ; to follow the trend of the beauty section lets talk hydration. the optimal amount of water to drink is 2.7 liters a day. if u wanna up your hydration game, use some liquid iv or another hydrating powder so that then u can get the most out of ur water. if u dont have anything like that, adding a pinch of salt into your water can also help to improve hydration.

frequencies and vibes ; i've been interested in frequencies lately, simply bcuz i think that they're so interesting. i'll go deeper into frequencies in the next section. but here are some frequencies to listen to for wellness ;

174 hz - reduces physical and energetic pain

285 hz - heals tissues and rejuvenates

432 hz - restores well being and releases emotional blockages

528 hz - love frequency, induces inner peace and repairs DNA

supplements that are geared towards beauty ; find a specific hair, skin and nails supplement or vitamin that includes a blend of powerful antioxidants, minerals and vitamins. some examples of this are ;

fish oil (omega 3 and fatty acids) helps to protect skin against inflammation

collagen (for skin hair and nails) promotes healthy dewy and glowing skin

turmeric (anti inflammatory effects)

PROBIOTICS

RANDOM THINGS I LEARNED ;

something thats caught my interest this month is sound healing. the power of sound is truly amazing, and i was curious specifically about frequencies. sound healing has been around for years by yogis for thousands of years. nowadays sound healing is practiced with something called sound baths.

a sound bath is a deeply relaxing experience where the listener lies down on a mat or blanket, with as many cushions or props as they need to feel comfortable, and is then ‘bathed’ in the sound vibrations. benefits of sound baths include ;

reduced stress, pain and anxiety

better sleep

lower blood pressure

fewer mood swings

balanced hormones

healing through sounds was practiced by ancient egyptians, greeks and chinese physicians, who also used sound healing in their practices to promote digestion, sleep, and emotional disturbances.

if learning a bit about sound healing interested you and you wanna learn a bit more about it, this is the source i used for this section.

FUN QUIZZES, VIDEO ESSAYS, RECIPES AND GAMES ;

valentines day aesthetic quiz - buzzfeed - i got daughter of aphrodite

consideration is the highest form of love - manifestelle - food for thought

good boyfriend quiz - seventeen

which romantic music type am i - buzzfeed - i got r&b enthusiast

valentines day cupcakes recipe ;

1 1/2 cup of flour

1 cup of butter milk

1/3 cups of oil

4 large eggs

mix it all together and add it into a lined cupcake tin, bake at 350° for 15 minutes. for the frosting...

1 cup of softened butter

6 cups of powdered sugar

1 tsp of strawberry extract

4 tbs of milk

CRUSH STORIES ;

SUBMISSION ONE : ANON : 💝

idk if this counts 😭 but my crush is an older guy (dw it's very legal) and he's so sweet, I manifested him liking me using your help!!! We're not together yet but he's been talking to me for literally hours a day, and just offered to buy me A NEW LAPTOP aaaah I'm crying. Ily honey your perfect

HBDSJHDJ YAYY. i wish u guys all the happiness and i hope u enjoy ur new laptop ✨

SUBMISSION TWO : ANON : 💝

technically not a crush but my ex boyfriend cheated on me (i broke up w him very quickly after) w my best friend and got her pregnant. he tried to make amends with me but I turned him down. i think i dodged a bullet there thank god 🫢

OH 💀. you def dodged a bullet, they went behind ur back and then got pregnant... 😭

thats all for this months catalog, there will be a new edition each month with new content and it'll be updated on a monthly basis so if thats something that interests you or if you like these kinds of posts pls let me know, till next month girlies✨

[emerxshiu]

FORGOTTEN LAND'S SECOND ANNIVERSARY :3

I AM SOOOO BACK

I started this drawing yesterday around afternoon and finished it just a few minutes earlier.

I went with a messier type of drawing instead of more clean like the elfilin one from yesterday, i find it fun doing it like this, mostly cause i dont have to worry about making it perfectly so i dont get as frustrated as normal. Id place this one as my second best digital drawing. im pretty sure i havent posted what i consider my best digital drawing here, tho i do have it in instagram, i might post it here one day, tho these two are way too tied up, i love how this came out, its not exactly like how i imagined it but its really close to it, and also itd say that since i dont tend to play around lighting that much, this was such a joy to draw and i cant help but stare at it a lot, at least until i start hating it because i made quite a lot of errors. i also changed my elfilis gijinka just a tad bit from last time, but its not that big of a difference, mostly.

ofc i had to draw elfilis for forgotten land's anniversary, i tend to deny it in my head but yeah they're my fave of the kirby characters even tho i hate them a bit. I wanted to draw some more doodles, like, elfilis eating cake, kirby car, a bunch of other stuff (not elfilin cuz i already drew him yesterday) but when i tried i couldnt draw anything more, guess this drawing burned me out a lot, huh?

you can definitly tell i spent all the efforts on him cuz if you look a bit closer to the bottom part you'll see its almost barely detailed, but i mean, they're the focus so make sense i guess for me not add that much detail there. um also, maybe because i dunno i had OVER 130 LAYERS jeez no wonder firealpaca was slowing down so much, i need to manage my layers better next time, tho i did do something i keep forgetting, wich is naming them (most of them at least) that was a real life saver

Also, antares (fecto elfilis' spear/cadaceus), as always, was a pain to draw, but this time its probably been draw the most accurate out of every other drawing ive made with it in it, i didnt notice it was like, a little curved when it reached the blade

some close ups since his face is a bit hard to see

silly :3

fun fact! actually, this is technically a redraw, somewhere around between february and march i started a fecto elfilis drawing for the first anniversary, but i couldnt finish it in time, and i never finished it

thats...quite the improvement! (i remember being so proud of it)

also his wings are like that cuz i did not want to draw the pattern, its way too hard, i literally copy pasted it, wait, i was talking about the 2024 version but i looked at the 2023 one and i just noticed it also has the pattern copy pasted, i guess some stuff never changes since i still abuse the ctrl+c ctrl+v to this day

Also i ended up making a huge error there, i was planing to add the phantom spears from orbital pulsar (the attack he does first when you battle them at lab discovera) but theres an innacuracy, when they do the attack, they always close their eyes, i had actually sketched him (well i mean both these drawings are basically the first sketch (2023) or second sketch(2024) with some color, shadows and lighting. i didnt do lineart in the 2024 one cuz i wanted to be a bit like the og i made (too bad i sketched that one with black since the og was sketched with white due to me drawing the bg first)) with his eyes closed but them decided to make them open for a reason i cant remember, maybe i thought itd look nicer? idk

ive had the idea of redrawing this for quite some month now so it was kinda already planned

background cuz i think it came out really pretty

doesnt have the little stars since without elfilis and the structures it looks fucked up. the actual sky in game is more blue, but the clouds have some orange, in the 2023 ver. i made the sky orange, and in the 2024 ver i wanted it more accurate, but i didnt wanna loose the orange sky, so i did a gradient. pretty...

also here's a screenshot i took when i was like halfway trough it, its barely noticeable but i changed his mouth in the final drawing

I really love katfl, like a buncha whole lot, its basically almost my first mainline kirby game. 100% the demo, finished the game in almost one day, i literally play it monthly, like, every month i put the card in my switch, start it up, get morpho sword, and go shred elfilis in lab discovera. i would probably not even be here on tumblr and the kirby fandom if it werent for it. and i love it so much i genuinly cannot express how much i like it and treasure it with words or anything

Thank you for reading my unnecesarily long rambles lol

I hope i'll post tomorrow and dont forget like usual

Jambuhbye!

[sugarcoatedcigs]

a mini series: enduring you pt.1

summary: your new to jackson, and your first interaction with ellie williams was anything but nice. she was rude and showed no respect. she carried herself like she was some hot shit and you hated it. if you could, you would turn back time and have shown up a little bit later to that party. but you can't. so you learn to endure her as life continues in jackson.

word count: 2k

warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, angst?

….

i took a deep breath in as i walked next to my horse into the protected town of jackson. the ground crunched beneath me, it was the last week of february and the town was frozen over. looking around, people were busy and they looked the most content i've seen since all this shit happened.

"you must be y/n." a voice tugged me in the direction of the stables. a beautiful woman stood there, with almost silver hair with sharp blue eyes. "my name's maria. i heard you were headed this way. charlie sent a letter you were coming. it's good to have you." i smiled at that.

"yeah, i'm really happy to finally be here. it was a trek. it's nice to know a name." i reached out my hand and smiled. her hands were soft but they had a firmness to them.

"why don't I show you around? let's get your horse a spot in the stables first." as maria helped unload my belongings off of my horse, she gave me a rundown of life here in jackson. the responsibilities and the duties that are done around here. maria took me through the town, and time passed quickly until the last stop was the apartment in which i would be staying.

"and here she is..." maria swung the door open it was furnished, and my bags were already placed in the middle of the living room. "i'll let you get settled in. there's a town party tonight at the bison at 8, no pressure but I'm sure people would love to meet you." she dug out of her back pocket and gave me the keys.

"thank you and yes i'll definitely stop by." she shut the door leaving me in my apartment alone. it was quaint. small. perfect. the air was heavy with almost a...nostalgia. there were plenty of windows giving me a perfect view of the mountains surrounding us. the sun was starting its descend into the horizon. better get started. i move my bags into my room, unpacked, dusted and managed to get two windows open to invite air in. by the time i was done, the space is mine and it's pleasant. only thing left to do is get ready i guess.

i grab a towel and head to the shower, turning the faucet on. the water wasn't just any water, it was hot. my body was eager and excited. hopping in, i was met with immediate relief. goddamn this feels great. i could've stayed a bit longer but i felt a certain obligation to save this precious water.

….

i dressed in a long sleeve that complimented my color palette and some dark jeans. ready to leave i looked into the mirror to make some final touches to my hair and applied a yummy mint and vanilla rub i made a few months ago. all ready. i put on my jacket and zipped up my boots, then i closed the door behind me.

the air was frigid, i felt my nose get numb and my eyes start to water. after a long and cold 2 minutes, the bison came into view and i could hear the bumping music and sounds of people talking as i approached. i got a sudden wave of excitement. as i wrapped my hand around one of the doors, they busted open. the edge of one of the doors hit the side of my face. "oh fuck!" i grabbed my cheek and i could feel the blood surge to the area.

"jesus. watch where you're going."  i looked up to see a woman with auburn hair and harrowing green eyes. her voice, blunt but sultry. the woman had a freckled face and a scarred eyebrow. what the fuck. you are the one that fucking rammed the door into my face. i opened my mouth to cuss her out but stopped, i dont want to get into a fight on my first night here. adjusting my posture and looking at her i said "excuse me." her face flickered, like she wasnt expecting my response, but she remained silent. i grabbed onto one of the handles again and started walking in but then i felt her grab my wrist, holding me back.

"shit I'm sorry." her voice, one that was originally cold, was now honey-like, "i didn't mean to." ignoring the ache in the side of my cheek, i looked back at her and gave a tight smile, "do you always grab people without asking?" she let go but not without a subtle scoff, "i was just trying to apologize." god it's aggravating that she's so hot and yet, she's the one that busted your face on your first night out. i laughed, "well you sure have an odd way of trying to." i briefly looked down at her pink lips, but maybe not brief enough...because she immediately wetted and then bit down on them. her eyebrows scrunched together and she retorted, "whatever, i was just trying to be nice but someone's clearly got a stick up her ass."

wow. this stranger (attractive or not) is an asshole. i bit down on my lips, stopping whatever bad decision i was going to make. i didn't want to spend another minute wasting my night so i swiftly turned to face the pub and mumbled, "fuck you" under my breath. the doors shut preventing her from getting another word in. i waited a sec, expecting her to burst through the doors and harass me some more, but she didn't. relieved (yet disappointed), i sighed.

despite the night starting out shitty, it developed into lots of fun and new people. i met a really nice girl named dina along with her boyfriend jesse. the two were hilarious and easy to get along with. i also saw maria and she introduced me to a few others, one of them being the manager of the bison and he said the team would be open to hooking me up with a waitress job here.

it's also been a few months since i got a drink in me so safe to say i was a little bit tipsy. nothing too serious but to make sure tomorrow morning wasn't murderous i figured i should get going and turn in for the night.

right before leaving, dina called out to me, "y/n! hey! before you leave i'll give you my info so we can plan something soon. i was thinking about a small get together tomorrow night at my place." dina wrote her address on a napkin along with the time of the party. then she embraced me in a tight hug before i left. with a little bit of liquor in me, the walk back was much warmer.

reaching my door, i fought the keyhole to get the key in. among opening, i immediately ripped off my boots and dressed down into my underwear, leaving a trail of clothes on the ground. i shivered as the frigid air enveloped me but warmth followed as i collapsed on the bed. i closed my eyes and drifted off.

.…

the sunshine was too bright. my eyes scrunched and i felt my head start to pound. no not yet. i tossed myself towards the other side of the bed. just a lil longer. but no. a loud banging on the wall started. what the fuck? then moaning followed.

"ohhhh yes! fuck ellie right there." a yappy voice echoed into the bedroom. you're fucking kidding me. "yes yes yes!" no, no, no. i shut my eyes and yanked my pillow around my head, suffocating the noise out. the moaning continued on for what seemed like forever until finally..."i'm cumming!" then the banging stopped. i whined into my pillow. why me? why me?

taking this as a sign to get up out of bed, i stretched out my limbs and groaned. my head was still pounding but it was manageable. okay things to do today...i'll get ready and then i'll stop by the bison to figure out the job stuff.

i walked into the kitchen hoping to soothe my headache with nice cold glass of water. the water here was better than i imagined, the cold liquid washed down yesterdays grogginess. my tummy grumbled and i realized i hadn't eaten much yesterday. upon opening the fridge, it was near empty, only a few potatoes i found on the way here with the scraps of some jerky. hmm, looks like groceries are on my list today. the bison, groceries and...dina. perfect.

i brushed my teeth and tied my hair back. along with wiggling myself into some jeans, putting on a warm jacket and wrapping a scarf around my neck. i opened my door, closed it and when locking it, the door next to me opened up. auburn hair came into view. the girl wore a jacket on top of her flannel, her hair was tied back into a half up and half down manner. she looked familiar...then i remembered the interaction i had last night. it's her. she's not only my neighbor, but her name must be ellie. her green eyes met mine. they were a gleaming green. then she smirked wide. "oh it's you." i felt blood fill my cheeks. i didn't respond. whatever. no wasting time. i locked up the door and turned away from her, as i walked away she opened her mouth to say something but stopped and watched me walk away.

....

the morning at the bison was quick and easy. everyone kept to themselves which i didn't mind because they were all kind enough. my schedule was working morning shift on saturday and working nights on wednesday and thursday. i left the bison still feeling energized so i made my way to jack who collected milk from goats and cows for the town, and kate, who organized most of the goods here in jackson. she had all sorts of goods, beans, coffee, oats, she tended to the lot of chickens so she also had a lot of eggs.

the sun was higher in the sky now. it was much warmer today compared to yesterday. i couldn't wait for spring to come. i was getting closer to my place with bags in hand, and i felt an ache in my stomach, dreading another possible interaction with ellie. i wonder how she came to be so rude...i wonder what she went through. i approached my door, holding my breath and waiting for the one next to it to open, but a few seconds passed and nothing. my stomach eases.

….

it was the afternoon now, out of boredom i wanted to take a walk. maybe i'll stop by dina's so i can confirm that tonight is still on. i left the apartment again. the walk was longer this time but i enjoyed it as the sun was still out, warm on my skin. i looked at the napkin that dina gave me again, to see if i was in the right spot. should be right. i went up to the house and knocked, no response so i knocked again. then the door opened and dina was there in all her glory. "y/n! i was waiting for you to come by." she grabbed me into a hug. "yeah i wanted to say hi and also see whats going on tonight." then out of the corner of my eye i can spot auburn hair. fuck. my stomach starts to twist. dina sees me look over at ellie and she perks up, "ellie don't be a stranger. this is y/n, the one we've been talking about."

pt. 2 coming soon…

[cupoftaae]

Life In Color - KTH drabble- The one with the pink dress ⋆｡°✩

summary- going wedding dress shopping with your future husband isn't typical, but you do it anyways.

pair- kth x female!reader

rating- 18+

A/N - hi guys! I hope you love these new drabbles, Tae and y/n are my favorite couple ive written and can't wait to deepen their story line. enjoy :) -Nini

"and who is this you've brought with you?"

"my fiancé"

The woman sitting front desk blankly looked at your large grin as you stood in a large puffer jacket, Taehyung behind you with the same smile plastered on his face.

"oh!" she finally spoke, "it's just most couples choose to wait for the dress reveal until the wedding"

You nod, you knew this was gonna be questioned.

You tried your best to explain that you wanted your husband to be the first to see it, instead of the last. You and him agreed that it would be better to surprise family. Was it conventional? no, but nothing you two did ever was.

Another woman came out from the back and led us into a try on room, mirrors surrounding the small couch that taehyung plopped down on, his own face slightly pink in anticipation to see you in a real wedding dress.

everything was becoming increasingly more real as the clock began to tic down to the wedding date.

"let me take your coat, baby" he whispered, pulling it off your shoulders as you stood.

"ok, im gonna go with her and pick out a few and i'll come back in once im ready" you giggled and kissed his nose, happily following the woman out to the room. The large isles of puffy dresses was slightly overwhelming to look at.

You were supposed to pick just one?

"so we will gather as many as you please, then eliminate them as we go until we find the dress that you feel most beautiful in"

You grinned and nodded, "sounds good"

Your eyes scanned, looking deeply at each unique design. you almost felt like an imposter standing here, this was a little too fancy.....and expensive.

Growing up on the poorer side meant now that you were 23, and had your own well earned money, you still had issues with spending it. Every item was a questionable "is it really that needed?" purchase. The fear of someday running out, all because you spent it on unnecessary items haunts you, even though that is far from realistic.

"so....tell me about your fiancé" the older woman spoke, her arms crossed as she followed you around the room, collecting anything that sparked your interest even in the slightest.

"well...." you blush, "we've known each other since we were little kids, and to be honest I think we were just meant for each other" you mentally cringe at the corny line that left your mouth. It was true though.

She grinned "how adorable, you both are rather young, I dont see a lot of kids in their early 20's getting married as much as before"

"yeahh..." you began, handing her a soft white gown to add to her small pile in her arms. "I guess we have spent so much time together that instead of waiting, we just knew what we wanted"

"that is very true, he seems as lovely as you and I'm positive it will work out. Whens the wedding?"

"February"

"3 months, that exciting. Most women have their dress a year before" she laughed softly

"yeah well we didn't have much time to plan, we are not super fancy and its just gonna be a small wedding with our parents and siblings, nothing super big"

"small weddings are always sweet too, of course you wont get as much money with that little guests" she teased, making you secretly scrunch your face up.

"eh...not too concerned"

You did not care if you weren't going to get many expensive gifts or cash at your wedding, it didn't matter.

thats not really the point of the ceremony.

After a bit, you gathered only 3 dresses and began trying them on.

The first dress was a white puffy one, the skirt similar to a princess gown like you've seen in movies.

"tae?" you whispered, opening the door and walking in to see him on the couch.

His eyes widened as he took you in, a faint blush powdering his cheeks. "i.....woah"

The woman laughed as she had you stand on the platform in front of the mirrors.

"do you like it?"

He lagged for a moment, in shock before nodding, "ye-yeah, yeah I do, baby you look gorgeous" he smiled widely, unable to take his eyes off.

"this one is part of the new collection in stock, no one has bought it yet, its one of a kind and original" the woman began speaking as she flattened the skirt.

"oh wow, thats cool" you mumbled, eyes stuck on yourself in the mirror. It was kinda freaky to imagine yourself in a wedding dress since you were little, and now seeing it in real life.

Taehyung watched in awe of your beauty, but he couldnt help but notice your uncomfortable body language. He chose to stay silent as the worker began speaking once more.

"you look absolutely stunning in it, the price is about $9,000 right now, but of course that would probably be more in the higher 9k or even closer to 10k considering this is a bit big on you and would need alterations"

You felt your face drain, 10k for a white dress made of fabric you could buy at the craft store? Sure, it was an incredibly beautiful gown, but you were not about to pay that much for a one time wear.

"God, ...okay" taehyung lifted his winter cap from his head to itch his scalp in thought, putting it back down as he watched your expression.

"yeah uh...not gonna get this one" you whispered, looking at the worker

"thats okay, lets go try the other ones you picked"

Taehyung sat back down, part of him loving the way you were putting on a little fashion show for him, the other, concerned that you were bothered by something.

You stepped out in another dress, however this white one was more fitted, there was no train behind it, instead it hugged your curves.

Your fiancé smirked, watching as you stepped up to the platform.

"now, how do you feel? this one is from the summer collection, but you did say you were having an indoor wedding in February so you'll still be warm"

You thought for a moment, turning to see your body in the mirror, taehyung stood behind you, "you look so beautiful baby" he smiled

You shrugged, offering an iffy smile "I dont know"

before you knew it, your eyes were tearing up for NO reason.

The worker noticed how concerned taehyung had gotten and she spoke up, "i'll be right back"

When the door shut, he gently took your hands and made you face him, he whispered "whats wrong, hm? why are you so sad, my love?"

"I dont know" you whispered, his fingers wiping your eyes. "I just dont feel as pretty as I thought I did in these, I feel like a fake to be honest"

"why is that?" he sounded angry, not at you, but at the thought you didnt see your own beauty.

"everything is just so expensive and I dont feel like it belongs on me" you sniff, his face softens.

"hey" he whispered, "my parents agreed to help the cost of your wedding dress, stop worrying"

"I know but its not fair to you guys, and besides, I just feel weird. I wish I could just wear whatever"

He smiles gently and brushes your hair. "what is it that you want?"

"see, I dont even know. I remember when I was a little girl I always wanted to wear a puffy baby pink gown" you laugh, "everything seemed so easy then huh"

He thought for a moment, "a pink dress hm? lets see if they have that here"

"are you serious? baby, I was just joking"

"so? try one on anyways my love"

"i dont know....I was like 10 when I said that and-"

"sh" he gently cupped your face, "these dresses arent doing it for you, and we wont stop until we find what makes you feel beautiful, ok? theres no harm in trying."

When the woman came back in, he softly explained the situation, and watched as she left to go find some options that fit the idea you wanted.

After a few moments, she returned with a dress she think you'd like/

"try this one, hun, I think its the closest to what you were telling me, its also the lightest shade of pink"

You glance at tae before nodding and going to change.

It fit on easily, only slightly big in the chest, but its nothing a quick sew job from your work friend couldnt fix.

You step out, watching Taehyungs expression widen at you "oh baby.....you are so beautiful, I love you"

You giggled as he kissed you, turning your body to look in the mirror. You teared up again, but this time not because you were sad.

The baby pink dress had laced long sleeves and a large flowing skirt, the waist sewn tight. It was just the right amount of sparkles added, and for some reason you knew that this is what 10 year old you would have wanted.

"i...I love it" you whispered

Taes eyes watered a bit, seeing the genuine reaction from you.

"how much is it?" you turned to the woman, she began to speak but taehyung stopped her,

"nope, doesnt matter"

"baby-"

"no, no, you love this dress"

You frowned and nodded

"im gonna take care of it, okay?" he kissed you gently, sharing a glance into your eyes through the mirror in front of you both.

"are you sure?"

"positive"

You waited a moment, holding his hand "I really do love it" you whispered

"so....is this the dress?" the worker smiled softly, watching you nod slowly as you wiped a tear "yeah...yeah this is the dress"

taglist-

@ohsweetmimosa

[squimp]

tagged by mr. fujo himeslef @peemil thank you sir..

last song: caribbean blue by enya

favorite color: BLUEEEEE !!!!!!!! i love red and blue together also. anything eye burning technicolor dayglo l*sa fr*nk i love that shit

last book: dracula. because i drank u. La

last movie: star trek the one with the whales. i fell asleep for the first half of it though

last tv show: star trek tng i slap his bald head

sweet/savory/spicy: spicayyyyy

relationship status: whatever man who gives a shit

last thing i searched: "caribbean blue enya" i wanted to watch the music video..lol

current obsession: PERFUMES and fragrances honestly omg i cant stop spending all my time on fragrantica.com..ive realized recently just how much i love smells. once i found out there are perfumes taht dont give me an instant headache my world opened up. it really is like the ultimate accessory. i have turmeric latte perfume from lush and i want to get lust also because the jasmine is so yummy, and im dying to get a little decant of guerlain shalimar edp. i am dying even more to get my hands on trying the shalimar millesime jasmin but its sooooo pricey

looking forward to: IM GOING TO LIVE IN FRANCE FOR 3 MONTHS starting mid february !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRAZY! Im kinda freaked scared but also super excited i never have done anything like this before in my life like literally ever

favorite drink: like drinky drink..one time i had a "lychee martini" that was so fucking delicious. otherwise regular drink hmmm ive been drinking a lot of rooibos tea lately thats always been a fav

song playing 24/7: dont laugh. caribbean blue by enya. im having an enya moment lately like BIG time huge time

current favorite character: this was reallyyyy difficult but can i be honest with you it might be c.c. i love this bitch she is so funny. her 2 ultimate needs being pizza hut and having her ass cheeks out at all times

otherwise.... its been too long since ive ds9ed adn i really miss weyoun and damar i cant lie

fun activity i’d like to get into: man if i could alter/tailor my own clothes that would be so hugely major the game would be changed FOREVER. FOREVER.

last video game: um. i think it was roblox

last comic: man fuck if i know

and nowww i tag... @grouperhq @wolfstrong @theygotlost @yarboyandy @gayspock @mouseratz and emil already tagged you @fagimator but idgaf i do it anyways lol no pressure obvs and if anyone sees this and wants to do it go for it

[schlattslonghairytoes]

chapter nine

talias pov, real life!

"you two sons of bitches are going to college!" the movie fades out and i look up to schlatt, only to see him staring back down at me "hi" i say quietly "hi" he says back even quieter, schlatt isnt a shy guy, but right now he's acting like one.

"are we gonna talk about it jay, because im not sure i can handle it, but i cant stand you being mean to me anymore, not with what i had to live through in high school" i look up his face, his usual stone demeanor melting for what, to me, feels like hours

he blinks before speaking "ive never been known for my clever use of words, or being able to have difficult conversations at all, but talia im so sorry, you dont deserve that, you never did, and i guess i finally owe you a proper explanation huh?"

lets get back on track shall we? last time we saw these two dumbasses, they began their "rough period" as i like to call it, the glares across the halls, the shit talking and most importantly, the rumors.

now, talia hated drama, lets make that clear, because freshman year when someone told the whole school that she had sex with a teacher, when all she did was go to extra help, she thought her life was over, and i wont sugarcoat it. for a while it was.

but who sat with her holding her hand the whole time. a young boy by the name of jonathan schlatt, he gathered her homework on the days she missed, he tutored her in classes he didnt even take just so she wouldnt fail. so imagine her suprise when her (ex) best friend, began dating her other (ex) best friend, and her name would stop being talked about.

schlatt had asked out anabelle january 7th, almost 5 months after talia and schlatt became sworn enemies, so naturally anabelle took schlatts side, because thats what happens when you make friends who dont really care about you.

back to the rumors at hand, talia wasnt unpopular, everyone loved her, how couldnt you? i mean look at her. but what comes with slight popularity, your name always being brought up, but by then she was used to it. 

until the fateful day of febuary 14 arrived.

it was time for talias annual valentines party, when people started asking why the address had changed on the invite from previous years, she shut it down immediately, leaving aside that she had been kicked out 3 months prior.

after a fight with her parents her mom told her is was time to stop being so dependant, handed her 1000 dollars, a suitcase, and of course, in true nancy romano fashion, a food scale, and closed the door. talia eventually moved into her late grandmothers apartment 6 blocks down

her mother didnt know about the apartment, so when talia realised that it was legaly documented that the house was hers, as written in her grandmothers will, she moved in with her cat, said 1000 dollars, and a dream. first order of business, throw out that stupid foodscale.

when she finally revamped her new apartment in december, she was finally able to relax and live her life once again.

back to February, of course there was talk about this address update, but what talia didnt expect was for anabelle to tell the school that talia no longer lived within the schools district, meaning, she wouldnt be able to attend the school.

talia left that meeting in the princeables office in tears, after being told that "she might not be able to graduate" she felt as if her life was over, that was until she locked eyes with a guilty looking schlatt. 

and rage filled her immediately.

"me. you. outside now." she grabbed him by the collar and dragged him along with her outside, ignoring his pleas that "he'll be marked absent".

"what the fuck did you do jonathan." she shoved him roughly, hard enough to make him stumble. "i swear on everything talia, i didnt know she would do that! it was anabelle, i even asked her not to, are you going to be ok? and why are you living in nana's house, whats going on?" he asked like she didnt have the right to hide things from him.

"oh shut the fuck up, dont act like now you know everything about me! you threw that away the moment you gave up on me, on us! you forgot about me! and now you wanna stumble back to me with open arms and be my savior, no jay, thats not how this works" she shouted and pushed him again.

"please tell me whats going on, please" he begged quietly. "talia i need to know, please i need to know youre ok." he grabs her arm.

"she kicked me out Jonathan. i dont eat most days cause i have no fucking money, none, my job pays me shit, for the first time in my life im failing a class, and if i even get into college, im going to have years of student loans up my ass, because again i have no money." as the words came pouring out, schlatts eyes scanned her, her frame looking thinner and weaker, face more defined.

he remembered when talia thought she was fat, and looked at her now, and wished for the ten pounds she lost could come back, she wasnt recognizable, she wasnt his talia, but then again, she never was.

"say something" her voice weakened. "anything, please." the crack in her voice is what sent him over the edge, he wrapped her huge arms around her in the tightest bear hug shes ever been in, and for a moment, slotted in his arms where she belonged, she forgot everything that ever happened. until he removed them.

"i have to go" he said before turning around and going right back into school, leaving talia all on her own once again.

one month later, talia was laying on her bed, figuring out how she was going to pay rent this month, when a she heard someone knocking at the door. she got up and opened the door and before she could close it, jonathan handed her a envelope and left, no words, emotions, or anything else for that matter.

she closed the door and looked down at the envolope in her hands that stated "we need to talk" in schlatts stupid chickenscratch. 

as she began to open the letter she felt her eyes fill with tears and slowly fall onto the letters contents, a hand written note, and, in hundred dollar bills, 10,000 dollars.

"i never understood why you did that, where did you even get that money?" i asked, reflecting on all those years ago.

"remember my jesus take the wheel video? i made 15k off of that, aswell as other later vids, and i was working at the deli at that time, it all just came together". he looked down at me, and as i look up at him, his face looks more like his highschool self then i remember, softer eyes and eyebrows then ive seen in the past few days.

now this next era lasts from late march until mid may, and i like to call it, the reconstruction era. 

after schlatt left a very suspicious envelope at her door, she chased after him, and they decided they were both going to work toward being friends again, and that they did, they started to be friends again, and they really tried, but there was only so much they could both do.

talia helped schlatt through his breakup, and in return, schlatt helped talia finish all of her college applications, the two ultimately going with the original plan of applying to the same dream school they shared. the broken duo started to heal each crack in their relationship, but they were never going to be fully mended. 

prom was now in a month, and when schlatt promposed to talia with a sign reading, "be the jenko to my schmitt, and jump over to prom with me?" famously based off of their favorite shared movie, talia couldnt help but say yes. so she did and things were going even better for them, they were finally friends again.

until the dean of that stupid college decided to ruin schlatts life, merely days before prom. so when talia hadnt heard from schlatt in a week and prom was tonight, she began to worry, but this time she had faith in him, to be the good friend he was, and pick her up at 6:30 sharp.

so when she sat on her front step and her phone read 7:00 back at her, she knew something had happened, and the worst part was, she couldnt bring herself to be suprised, or even mad. she had a feeling this would happen, so she called her best friend nick, and made her way to prom.

rounds of spiked punch and dancing with her friends had started to make the pain go away, until she saw him. a seemingly sober schlatt waltzing into prom, with a familiar blonde wrapped around his arm. she felt her heart break into enough pieces she couldnt begin counting, and with all the courage she could muster, she put on a fake smile and walked up to the happy couple.

"hey guys! glad you could finally make it, seems time doesnt mean anything to you two, just wanted to say, anabelle every moment knowing you has been unpleasant. and frankly i hope i never have to look at you and your fucked up teeth again, have a good time at community college, thats if you make it there. and you Jonathan, i hope you know what a horrible person you are, i dont know why you loved breaking my heart, because honestly, i was inlove with you John, i would have followed you across the globe of you asked, but you just made my life so much easier, because i fucking. hate. you." she pushed past the pair  and scoffed when she heard him calling after her.

the rain outside made it much harder to outrun a 6'3 giant, already having the disadvantage of being so much shorter, and also wearing 3 inch heels. "TALIA!" his stupid voice yelled after her, repeatedly, louder each time, until he finally caught up to her, only seconds away from her apartment, and when he did he grabed her wrist in order to stop her.

"dont fucking touch me! dont come near me, stay the fuck away, i dont ever want to see or hear from you ever again. its over schlatt, you did this! we couldve been so good together, or even friends, but you threw that away for what, why did you do it, because we both know you owe me that," she screamed yanking her arm away from his tight grip.

"i-i dont know why talia, i was scared, i didnt get i-" he studdered "you were scared? SCARED? you did this to me because you were scared" she pushed him further from her apartment building "schlatt, quite literally when i needed you most, you left! i was homeless for a week, did you ever know? NO, BECAUSE NO ONE KNEW, I WAS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY ALONE." she tried to calm her voice but was only slightly successful.

"i was alone and scared, and the one person i loved and cared for, dropped me because HE was scared! ironic right?" she backed toward the door to her apartment building "let me make this clear, im not blaming you for me being kicked out, im blaming you for leaving me when i needed you, because we both know that i would have never done that to you." she opened the door and looked back at him. "i never want to see you again, leave, and get out of my life schlatt." she yelled in his face. 

"please lia i know you don't want to hear me out, but you have too. please I can't lose you Lia, cmon for us we need to talk about it" he begged tears mixing with the pouring rain. for a moment, every movie theve ever watched together crossed his mind. all the scenes where the love interest stands outside in the pouring rain, begging for forgiveness, and in every single one, she forgives him, but as much as he hoped, he knew that wouldnt be his reality.

"I can't jay, I cant and I'm not sorry"  and the door closed, unlike the movies, the rain didnt go away, his heart didnt feel lighter, and the rejection letter in his pocket, already ruined from the rain, didnt magically fade away, and by the time he got home and opened his phone, he was already blocked on everything, the green text confirming all of his suspicions 

iMessage!

my talia<3

talia, since the day i met you as a toddler, i knew you would change my life forever, in elementary school you were my first friend, and the only person i wanted to have playdates with, and the only person i wanted to see at school. then came middle school, when your parents split up, i prayed the night i found out, that you would stay with your mom, so you could stay with me, and when you did, i had never felt luckier. in eighth grade i realised i was in love with you, but as a typical middle schooler i tried my best to ignore it, and move on. freshman year wasnt easy, rumors meant nothing when i was able to be at your side making you laugh after seeing all that everyone put you through. sophmore and junior year with you at my side made life feel easier, and in the summer before senior year, when you kissed me, i knew i was a goner. the more i spent time with you, the harder i fell in love with you, every moment i spent with you was something i cherished with my whole heart. but heres the part that i didnt tell you, 10 days before my birthday, my grandpa died, i know it doesn't sound like much, but i felt as if my whole world ment nothing anymore, and alcohol was my only way of moving past it. and on september ninth, when i drank so much i forgot what year it was, anabelle invited me to a party and said you would be there, and after avoiding everyone and everything for a week, i knew i needed to see my favorite person. when i arrived she convinced my drunken state that she was you. and i believed her. the next day i knew something was wrong, and after you left me in that panera i sat in silence for 3 hours, and i realised what i had done, and by the time i went home, another bottle of whiskey had me convinced that anabelle was you. the real reason me and her broke up, was because one time i accidentally called her talia, and thats the day i stopped drinking. coincidentally, that's the same day i went to the bank and left 10,000 dollars at your door. the reason i didnt ever come pick you up at prom, was because the week before, i had found out i got rejected from college, not just our dream one, every single one talia, i felt like an absolute failure, and i couldnt even look at you, i didnt want you to be tied down to a loser like me, so i turned to alcohol once again, and convinced my self that if i asked anyone, not that they would ever live up to you, i could pretend for long enough that it was you. but no one could ever be you. 

not delivered❗️

[annika-thelostlove]

Unfinished Draft #1

Drabble for late valentines - Edward nashton talks to you, who he thinks is out of his league.

This is a random note i made in my notes app that has been there since February, which i didn't continue. This turned into a weird dialog drabble. I tried polishing it up, but I still kept it a rough draft in the end.

Edward catches the eye of one of the young COO who works on the top floor of their company. But after a long time trying to flirt with him obviously and even making grand gestures, Ed still doesn't get the hint. Ed just thinks you love his department and gives you all special attention. He believes you are so far from his league. I imagine him being ignorant and cute, clapping along with everyone when she COO buys a new coffee machine close to his desk, not at all realizing it's for him. But now that its valentines Day, the COO loses their patience and gives him a piece of their mind.

-----

"You're here."

His magnified eyes looks up at you through those clear glasses. "Yes."

"You have no plans tonight? It's valentines"

He continues to work his keyboard while he responds to you, "I have no patience for holidays fueled only by consumerism"

"Ah, I didn't realize that's how you feel about this holiday." Biting your lip in thought "Well it wouldn't hurt, would it? I told everyone they could take half the day off if they had plans today. The rest of your floor is empty now."

Edward looks straight at you, suspicious. "I'm sorry to be so forward, boss, but are you trying to ask me to dinner perhaps? Because I don't think it would be appropriate."

"I-"

"Or if it is a joke, it's not very funny"

"No! Mr Nashton, I have good intentions- " he has stumped you, though youve thought he was being ignorant this whole time. "Well, your first assumption is right. I admit. But we're not of the same department, so i didn't think it was going to be some issue. Do you really hate the idea?? That maybe, i am asking you to dinner?"

He looked at you skeptically. "You have no need to talk to me. I am just an accountant, and you have position of chief operations offcer, people like you should not aim so low for someone like me as a romantic partner ma'am."

"Don't say that."

"Don't wha-"

"Don't talk about me like I'm different. I can be interested in you if I want to be."

"Wait i-"

"What's so different about me? I have an Ivy League degree? I have a rich family? I'm tired of people thinking that people like me want nothing to do with you and the people on your floor. I come down here once a day just to see you. Did you know that?"

You swear you see Edwards face flush red. "But that, that doesn't make sense, I'm..me, and you're...you."

"What does that even mean? Edward, look at me! Do you think I'm pretty?" She doesn't know when, but tears have gathered in her eyes, ready to fall. This hurt her to confront more than she realized.

"Wha- well..."

"Am I pretty to you? Do you want me?"

"Of, of COURSE I do, who wouldn't?

"Eddie I want you. Is that enough for you?"

"Uh, what."

"Edward I'm really fucking mad right now, its valentines day, and i was hoping we would be together since two months ago, we are off schedule! so don't test me."

"Um, yes. Yes! It's enough. But I just dont-"

"It's enough for me. That settles it."

"What have I done for you to...I don't understand "

"It SETTLES it. You want to know what i want? Tonight we go on a date. I can answer all your questions then. We are behind on schedule, well..." Suddenly getting shy, you blush. "if you agree to date me, that is, after six months of dating, we move in together. Then I ask you to marry me. If you say yes, I plan we buy a house, I have had one in mind near here. I want children, at least two. But we can discuss that together."

Edwards face unknown to him grows dreamy while he stares at you. "...al-alright"

"But tonight, I'm still not happy with you, and I'm tired of waiting for you to get the fucking hint. So you're going to fuck me a few times to make it up to me. Alright?"

"Fuck, okay"

The scowl on your face melts into a sweet smile

"Good"

--

Note: I was imagining the COO is also a little freak, they've been stalking him, got a full background check done on him, and fell in love even more with Edward loving puzzles and him being from modest beginnings, they also love his extremist alter ego, the riddler. But he'll find out that they know eventually, it was also a fun idea if they are funding him with money for his guns and explosives. They also hate rich people and people who are gold diggers. So Edward was the dream man for them 💕

[seerofmike]

Mike's Media Medley--Jan 2025

this one should be quick and easy...because february will NOT be quick and easy for me, as i plan to watch all the oscar nominees (except emilia perez lmfao) this month + some other new movies that have come out like Companion and Love Hurts. i've got a free ticket as part of my movie rewards so im gonna take one for the team and see Heart Eyes or Brave New World when it comes, whichever one looks worse, because i like to torture myself

but enough about february--what did i watch/play for the very first time this january 2025?

Movies-- The Substance (2024), One of them Days (2025)

Games-- Marvel's Spider-Man Remastered (2022), Ballionaire (2024)

One of them Days (2025)

I LOVE YOU KEKE PALMER

just. some good straight up fun. some of the humor wasn't for me (particularly a scene involving lots of blood i hate anything to do with IVs) but for every joke that did not work for me there were 2 more that did. its honestly kind of hard to review it because its just straight up a lot of fun and i dont wanna spoil the gags

that being said....

I FEEL LIKE THE MOVIE COULDVE GONE HARDER !!! i LOVE absurdist comedies and this movie HAS absurdist comedy like the villain is named smth like. Big Booty Bully Bitch Berneice. there is a loaning agency that hunts people who default on their loans for sport. theres some wacky stuff that happens in here but as a lover of movies like bottoms and scott pilgrim i wish it had gone a teensy bit harder on the absurdism because sometimes it almost felt out of place whenever it did happen becuz the rest of the movie isnt as absurdist

also sza did good but her character was soooo in the wrong and it annoyed me a bit but otherwise. solid good time.

75/100

The Substance (2024)

so i have this weird thing where i fucking loved the substance but also i had to cover my eyes for 25% of the movie lmfao

ignoring what i said abt the IVs earlier (idk veins just bother me) im usually prettyyyyy good at handling gore . or so i thought. i made the mistake of eating while watching this movie and i thought i was gonna be sick and honestly the stuff that did me worse wasnt even the hardcore gore the fucking stabilizer stuff got me the most 🤮

GROSSNESS aside. this movie had shit to say and it did so without any pussyfooting about it and honestly i appreciate that. and even more than that i appreciate the way this movie was MADE. it had style, so many shots / scenes in this movie were clearly inspired by other movies like the Shining and the soundtrack was going hard and the COLOR GRADING rahhhhhhhhhhh i kind of wish i saved watching this for next month because i was gonna rank all my best picture noms but i cant do that with the substance rn since i have seen none of the others (except wicked) but man. i already kind of hopes it wins. we need more of this kind of angry almost borderline unappealing to mainstream audiences film making.

i have NOT been unable to stop thinking abt it. monstro elisa sue deserved everything.

90/100

games

Ballionaire (2024)

this is like a. pachinko roguelite? and i see the vision. and i want to like the vision. however like. theres a billion items and as far as i know the game never explains what it does. like. im making some shit up but it'll, give you, lets say, a single pair of tits. and the pair of tits' item description will be "Dispenses Milk. Can be sucked unless Drained or Carcinogized. 2x multiplier if there is a Piggy Bank nearby but not if the Piggy Bank is stoned. Ride to the maternity ward when triggered after cooldown." you only understand what 25% of that means. and you have to choose between THREE things like that so it gets kind of reptitive if ur trying to optimize and ur trying to pick stuff that u dont understand the function of.

i could be stupid and theres a guide in the game that tells u all the status effects but for now. eh

Marvel's Spider-Man Remastered

i am only 4 hours in so i dont think i can say much except for WOW I FUCKING LOVE BEING SPIDER-MAN

[ikoarts]

February 2023 Art

a very horsey month

vvv dates + info under the cut vvv

1 - 01/02/2023 : drew this the same day as this just as a little additional thingie, i think Toni loves her big autism eyes really

2 - 05/02/2023 : the gangs all here :D i think this is something i was considering turning into a full piece, i forget

3, 4 - 06/02/2023 : according to @creaturedrawz this is like the funniest thing ive ever drawn.... shes a horse and a girl whats not to love... also random thing i drew of Ru in her silly shirts, and choccy milk, she would defo fuck with a yazoo.. reminds me i got one from work earlier its mint choc.,, yum yumn... will be dinking that soon...

5, 6 - 07/02/2023 : anyway, more horse, i love this one a lot, shes just standing there your honor. autistically. 2nd one, had some discord friends do some fucking hilarious voiceovers of this one, it came to me in a dream... a fever dream that is... horse with autism, its true!

7 - 10/02/2023 : finally got some traditional stuff, heres a sleepy Ru in her jarmas, she eats prays sleeps in band shirts, eye finks shes very cute

8 - 11/02/2023 : horse again, i wanted to draw her pattern i think, vewy cute...

9, 10 - 12/02/2023 : an OC i hadnt thought of in years up til this point, one of my fnaf OCs, Charlie, i decided im taking him and updating him like i have with others (e.g Copper, Heidi, them lot), so i decided hes a silkie chicken, still a fat little dad :) hes adorable why havent i drawn him since this

AND roxas card... was trying to figure out his design.. again.. u will see that a lot.. i dont hate the thing i was trying..

11, 12 - 13/02/2023 : THE HORSE RETURNS, who coulda guessed?? who wouda taught.. on my boingo kick here again tehe.. and shes FREE DEE!! think i was feeling inspired by some of those 2.5D arts you see from the 3d paint thing and wanted to make my own

13, 14, 15 - 24/02/2023 : not as happy with these last 3, i think overall my proportions feel off and i was struggling to draw em both, but i was thinking of their story and how Ru and Luisa interact together

[jungleindierock]

Rebjukebox 2024 - No. 3

My third playlist of new music from mainly new bands and new artists, with a couple of well known acts thrown in for good luck!! But the tracks are new music from 2024. It's mixed genres of music from many different countries. Makes no difference, where the tracks appear in the playlist, they are all good.

I feel 40 is good number of tracks not too long or too short in listening time for your enjoyment. The whole playlist is only two hours and fifteen minutes long.

I used to do these just through Soundcloud, but thought i might as well add it to my Spotify also. So i will add two links to the playlist and can use which ever one you prefer.

If your a solo singer or a member of a band, then follow me on my Soundcloud page here, if i like your stuff, i will follow you back, if i don’t follow back then sorry but your not my thing. Whatever style of music is fine, i like many stlyes and will take a listen. You should always trust your own ears with music.

You can only follow 2,000 people on Soundcloud, so am limited. But if am following you there, i can see when you share new music, which means you could be added to one of these playlists or the main JIR playlist (one per month). What style of music is fine, i like many and will take a listen.

Enjoy & share, hopefully you will discover some great new bands from taking a listen, stay free, see you soon with No 4.

Ok the links for the playlist:- Soundcloud - Spotify

Reb

Tracklist

Deux Visages - February

La Amenaza Constante - Perder El Tiempo

Beatowls - All I See Is Trouble

Amie Hayes (ft. Erin Lord-Astles) - Wicked Woman

Chelsea Wolfe - House Of Self-Undoing

Parsnip - The Light

The Black Keys - I Forgot To Be Your Lover

The Lovely Eggs - My Mood Wave

Leon Bridges - Redemption Song (Bob Marley Cover)

Upbeat Lord - Love Bombs

dont get lemon - Have Some Shame

Exsonvaldes - Countdown

Beth Gibbons - Floating On A Moment

The Rolling People - I'll Be There

Mount Kimble - Fishbrain

Corella - Drifting

FEET - The Real Thing

Wotts - Petals

Nina Cobham - Imagining Things

Dogsmile - The Hunter

Thrillhouse - Still In There Somewhere

The Public Eye - The Wire

HEALER - Wake Me Up

The Hip Abduction - Mt. Olympus

Dreamer Boy - Heartbreaker

The Warning - S!CK

Drahla - Default Parody

Mylar - Scribbled Sunset

Wavey Days - Round The Bend

Tyler Ramsey - You Should come Over

Pretty Good Sofa - Dr. Mordite

The Fourth Wall - Darkness Of Heart

Parks, Squares And Alleys - Bittersweet Haze

MONA - All That It Took

Maggie Rogers - Don't Forget Me

Winoan Oak - If I Were To Die

Laura Jane Grace - Punk Rock In Basements

Anne Bennett - Second Death

YONDER - Fading Out

Bottomless Brunch - Bite Your Tongue

[mygloviesme]

cool about it. || myg

no. 6: we don’t have to talk about it

predebut/debut!yoongi x female idol

summary: kanako is an established idol with a growing career and a secret relationship with a producer from her label, haneul. when she’s asked to work with yoongi and rm to create a track for her, she gains unexpected feelings for a certain upcoming rapper. with her increasing fame, her controlling boyfriend, a set of six boys who seem to have grown an attachment to her, and a new boy who’d give her the world, how will she figure out a way to balance it all?

(definitely inspired by boygenius)

word count: 3.0k

genre: ANGST, friends(?) to lovers, slow burn, lots of pining, slight fluff

chapter warnings: toxic relationship (not w/myg), mentions of mental health, mentions of grooming (not w/myg)

inspo song: anything by adrianne lenker.

"i dont wanna be the owner of your fantasy, i just wanna be a part of your family"

FEBRUARY 15TH, 2012, 11:51PM

Once the games and conversations have settled, I sit in Yoongi’s bed once again, scrolling on my phone as the rest of them do. It was an eventful night with lots of screaming and jokes and fun. Something I’ve forgotten about these past ten months. I feel like I’ve been wrapped in a heated, weighted blanket and put to bed. That’s how this night has made me feel. I wonder if they know how much this has meant to me, I think to myself. 

If they did, would it scare them? 

I use that thought to my advantage and choose to not express those feelings, not for a while at least. They can’t know how lonely I've been these past couple years. How drained, isolated, and unhappy I’ve been. I want to enjoy this non-complicated bliss for a while longer. They don’t have to know just yet. 

I see a notification pop up on the top of my screen, causing me to freeze. I click to see the full message, It’s from Bang-PD. 

Bang: Hello Kanako, sorry to bother you so late at night. I’ve been informed by a colleague who knows someone that works at K-Station, that the story of you and Haneul will drop tomorrow. I’m unsure of how the story got out to begin with, but that will be discussed later. I know this is a big worry for you as much as it is for everyone here at BigHit, but I negotiated with him as much as I could. Unfortunately, all I was able to do was convince him not to release Haneul’s name, though he’s still releasing other information about him that still connects him to BigHit. I’m sorry for this, Kanako. The least I can do is cancel any sort of promotion that’s been previously booked for you this year. Please let me know however I, or any of the staff here, can further support you during this troubling time. There’ll be a meeting to cover more at 8AM tomorrow. 

My hands shake as I grasp my phone tightly, rereading the text over and over again. Over and over and over again. This can’t be real, right? How could this situation get any worse? Why does this always happen? What’s so wrong with me that I’m always hurting?

I click the call button and PD-nim answers almost immediately. 

“Yes, Kanako.” He says, knowing what I’ve called about. 

“One moment,” I mutter, rushing over Yoongi’s laying body and to the balcony door. It doesn’t occur to me at the moment how frantic I must seem to the boys. But I don't care. All I’m thinking about is what’s going to happen. To me, to the company, to the boy’s success. If they don’t succeed, it’s my fault isn’t it? This scandal is going to burn this company down to its core. It’s my fault, it’s my fault, it's my fault. 

I step onto the balcony, feeling the fresh hair hit my face and I close the door behind me. I bring the phone back up to my face and start to cry, “T-This is all my fault, isn’t it? I’m going to ruin the company’s name?” I choke.

“Kanako please calm down-”

“I CAN’T calm down! It’s my fault, it’s all my fault…” My cries turn into sobs. 

“We’re going to handle it, I promise you. We won’t go down without a fight.” 

I clutch my hair with one hand, shutting my eyes tightly. “What about the boys? The group? Will they still debut?” I whisper. 

His answer is delayed, and I can feel the hesitation that stalls his voice. Stop feeling. Stop feeling. 

“W-We will cover that tomorrow, they’ll be attending the meeting as well.” 

I shake my head uncontrollably, “No, Bang. They have to debut. You have to promise me that will still happen. I don’t care, let me go, I-I’ll give up my career. I’ll stop performing, just promise me.” 

I can hear him sigh through the phone, “It won’t have to come to that, Kanako. There is just some things we need to discuss. Tomorrow. Everything will be handled. Our priority is you at this moment, okay?” He aims to comfort me, but that doesn’t comfort me whatsoever. 

I don’t want to be the main priority, I feel like nothing compared to those boys. They have so much hope, so many dreams, and I’m fading away. I’m withering into the background and I’ve accepted it. I don’t matter. 

I swallow the growing lump in my throat with a wince. 

“O-Okay. See you tomorrow.” 

“See you tomorrow, Kanako.”

The phone call ends and I place my phone in my sweatpants, Jungkook's sweatpants. 

I walk over to the balcony railing, placing my hands along it softly. I sniffle my tears away and stare up to the night sky. It’s so quiet. I wonder, will the streets be rioting tomorrow? Will there be people at my doorstep, telling me I’m a horrible person? Will there be anyone left after everything’s been taken from me? It seems the universe isn't satisfied with my misery, not just yet.

I hear the door crack open behind me, looking to see who it is. I see all seven boys piling onto the balcony, knowing they won’t fit. So they all just stand amid themselves, some with hands in their pockets, some looking at me directly. Yoongi stands behind them, almost hiding. 

“Hi guys.” I laugh through my tears painfully. Jungkook, the lanky sixteen year old, snakes his way in my direction. He stands next to me, placing his arm around me. It catches me off guard but I don’t reject it. Just this once, I’ll soothe into someone’s consolation. Just this once. 

“You heard that, huh?” I say, knowing this situation brings déjà vu for the both of us. He’s always here, isn’t he? Coming to my rescue. He shouldn’t have to be. He’s so young, just like I was. 

“We, uh, all did.” He speaks with a gentle grip on my shoulder. Although being younger than me, he’s still much taller than me. But this time it doesn’t scare me that I have to look up to him, to someone. There’s a glimmer in his doe-eyes that makes me smile. 

I peak behind to the boys who stand there, all looking at the night sky with us. 

Yoongi steps forward through what seems to be a crowd, standing on the other side of me. 

“We’re here for you.” Is all he says, locking his eyes into mine. The care that rests in his demeanor is enough for my heart to glow shiny, bright red. But in this moment all I want is to be held, consoled. So I set those feelings aside and rest my head on Yoongi’s shoulder. Like he’s an old friend, someone who’s done this with me many times before. That’s how it feels anyway. 

I feel the rest of the boys surround us closer, and we extend to a group hug. It’s vulnerable, unexpected, but wanted. I feel wanted. Not in a lustful, wrong way. But in a grounding way. 

Is this how it feels to be loved truly, hopefully, madly, properly?

FEBRUARY 16TH, 2012, 8:00PM

I sit in the same conference room, but this time with the boys. Bang has no idea we had all just come from the same room, which I know is another stupid decision I made. But this one isn’t something I’d like to feel bad about, not yet. 

“First I’d like to say, this meeting will be met with zero judgment. We’re treading on very thin ice and I’d like this meeting to be beneficial. Is that understood?” PD-nim says, and we all agree unanimously. 

“Great, moving on. Kanako, how do you feel about canceling the rest of your previously booked events? This means,” He shuffles through his stack of stapled paper, “-Interviews, promotions, performances, and award shows.” He clears his throat and focuses on me. 

I lick my lips slowly, thinking of his question. I knew he asked that last night, but I was unsure even then. This means losing money. Lots and lots of money, from both ends. 

“What will it mean for my career?” I question honestly. 

“We still have an ongoing contract for you that we intend on fulfilling. It’ll be up to you if you’d like to renew it, as it ends on November 18th later this year. We are still wanting you to be an idol under this company, though. Your renewal will be met with zero hesitation from us, if you do decide to do so.” He says. 

I nod, “I’ll take a break, then.” 

He gives a half smile and writes something down, before looking at the group of boys. 

“There will be a stallment to your debut, as me and the team have discussed. The set date was,” He looks down to his papers again, “April 12th, 2013. Now it will be June 12th, 2013. Just to get everything back in order so we’re well organized for that time.” He concludes. 

I sink into my chair just a little and glance at the boys who nod, unexpressive. 

“How does that make you all feel?” I hear myself mutter. Didn’t know I’d be speaking like this. 

Namjoon sits up from his chair, setting his arms on the table, “We’re ready whenever the company is. We, uhm, are in full support of Kanako.” He expresses, which meets agreements from the other members. PD-nim’s mouth parts slightly, nodding slowly. 

“That’s…good to know. Anyway,” He slides us all a piece of paper, “This is an NDA. All of the staff have signed it and we need you all to sign as well. We need utter privacy at this time, nothing that you hear or know in this building leaves it, is that understood?” Before Bang finishes speaking, Yoongi has already reached for a pen and gives a hurried signature. 

He lays back in his seat and his expression still hasn’t moved. The rest follow, the sound of signatures after the other. I grip the pen and give mine as well, with a little hesitation. Maybe it’s the embarrassment of having dragged everyone in this mess with me. 

“Before we wrap up this meeting, there are some notable mentions. The trainees we had here have been moved to various entertainments, just as an added precaution. We as a team expect there will be press covering all grounds of this building and there isn’t any need to have more information leak. As for questions you may get asked, we have asked our publicists to ensure that all will be avoided in future interviews. If there happens to be a time when you do get asked,” He looks over to the boys, “The answer is to not answer. We will handle it.” He purses his lips to create something of a smile. 

He gets up to collect our papers, stuffing them in his folder and placing it on top of his binder. He stays standing, “Since we’ve moved the trainees, there are more dorms available. You boys will be moved to the same unit Kanako resides in. The rooms are more spacious and we’ve decided to split it up in two, so who is staying in who’s dorm is up to you seven. As for you all in total,” 

His gaze travels to mine, “I urge you all to stick together during this time, including Kanako. It might be helpful for you to have peers to talk to. There may be other meetings as the situation develops, but for right now I encourage everyone to rest.” Ah, the calm before the storm. 

He gives one last bow before leaving the conference room. Once the door has closed and the dust settles, I hear a small voice. 

“Does this mean I can move in with Kanako?” Jungkook whispers. 

FEBRUARY 16TH, 2012, 12:00PM

I hear loud footsteps and the voices of the same boys I was with just outside my dorm. This has been happening for two hours now, and I assumed they were moving into their new dorms. I took these few hours to ease my mind, turning off my phone semi-permanently. I thought it was best I avoid any news outlets or messages from people I went to school with. I’m sure my phone is about to implode with how many texts and missed calls I’m getting. 

Besides, there’s no family members that I need to contact. A painful reminder as I stuff my phone in my junk drawer. I take a deep breath before stepping outside my room, seeing a box toppled over with clothes and various objects pooling the floor. Taehyung and Jimin are bickering in the other dorm, and Jungkook runs outside to see me when he hears my door open. 

“Kanako! Help us!” He begs, and I tilt my head in confusion. He grabs my wrist to lead me inside the dorm, but when I feel his grip I back away aggressively, jerking my hand from his. The notion was too familiar, my spine being sent chills when I remembered his name. Haneul. I know Jungkook didn’t mean any harm, but when I saw, felt, his long fingers on my wrist I went into fight or flight. 

“D-Don’t do that.” I say assertively, rubbing my wrist with my other hand. His expression falls, and I sense he’s at a loss for words. 

The edges of his mouth turn into a gentle smile, “Of course, I’m sorry. Do you-would you like to come in and help us move in?” He asks, gesturing to me to come in. He’s not upset with me? 

I accept his request and caress his arm in reassurance as I step inside. The place is mostly empty, with boxes and tubs on top of each other. Yoongi is on his back, underneath the bunk bed. Jungkook follows and stands next to me, sighing, “He thinks the creaking noise it’s making means it’s broken. He’s been at this for thirty minutes.” 

I laugh and walk over to Yoongi, leaning down so I’m on my hands and knees. I lean my head down to meet with him, looking at him with curiosity. “You know these beds are very, very old. Actually, the one in my dorm is 10 years old, I’ve been told. And it has not collapsed once.” I say. He plops his head down on the carpet, “That’s not a problem when your bed isn’t being slept on by two people.” His voice is slightly muffled. 

I hum, “That’s true. But listen,” I scooch under the small space so we’re lying side by side. The space between us is minimal to none, and if we turn our faces we’d only be inches away from each other. I realize this closeness and in turn, my cheeks flush. “Nothing is going to happen.” I assure him.

He licks his lips and closes his eyes, “It’s better hearing it from your mouth instead of Jungkook’s.” He says, which makes my palms embarrassingly clammy. It also makes me feel like I need to go to the bathroom, badly. But you did not hear that from me. My eyes are hesitant to look at him, but with a leap of faith, I do so anyway. And it feels freeing. I feel like this is how these things are supposed to go. Natural, awkward. 

These feelings are okay to have. As long as you don’t go any further. 

But I think back to last night, when he let me rest my head on his shoulder for what felt like hours. When he saw me after my horrible dinner, mascara down my face and snot dribbling above my upper lip. He’s already seen me. He knows me, he knows what I look like when I’m broken down, vulnerable. Then why is it that I still need a wall between us? Why is it that I feel like I’ve failed when he looks at me the way he’s looking at me right now? 

His almond eyes are almost blurred from the darkness of being underneath this bed, but I can still see him, and he sees me. X-ray vision. He looks down to my lips in a quick motion, and I feel my breath hitch. But I’m leaning over, and so is he. We’re so close to each other, I can feel his breath on my face. It has a hint of mint and something else I assume to be his breakfast.

And I want to be his next meal, in the most wholesome sense of the phrase. 

“Kanako..”

“I love when you say my name.” I confess in the form of a whisper. 

His lips brush mine, before I’m grabbed and dragged from my ankles. I bonk my head on the edge of the bed and look at Taehyung who’s looking at me like a lost puppy. I rub my forehead and close my eyes, unable to process what just happened this past minute. 

“What the fuck..” I groan. My head throbbing. 

Yoongi scooches from under the bed so he’s sitting up next to me, staring at Taehyung with a look I can’t read but it seems like Taehyung can. He stutters, “I-uh, we just…sorry about that, Kanako.” Tae hangs his head low. I try to shake my head but I’m too busy soothing the pain that’s building up in my frontal lobe, surely damaging it. “Uh, it's fine. What is it?”

Taehyung pouts, “Is it true Jungkook is staying with you? And if so, can we all take turns spending the night because I think it’s very unfair that he gets to-”

I interrupt him, “No, he’s not staying with me.” I sigh, “Jungkook!” I call out his name in annoyance. I hear small thuds that turn into louder ones, Jungkook peering from the dorm door. His head peaks in slightly, afraid of being scolded. “I’m sorry but you can’t stay in my dorm, there’s just not enough room! It’s a single.” I say while placing my hand over my heart playfully, emphasizing my pity.

He pouts just like Taehyung, “But maybe you could sleep over here sometimes? Now there’s no excuse for you not to, it’s not like you’re doing anyth-”

“Jungkook.” Yoongi snaps. 

The young boy nods in apology, “Just a couple nights a week?”

I roll my eyes, “A couple nights a week, sure.”

click here to read more of this story!

[lapdogchase]

oh my god . okay i havent complained abt it in a while but since december 2021 when i got covid for the first* time (*you’ll see) ive been getting dizzy/lightheaded a lot, have random coughing fits, am even more sensitive to heat (i cant breathe in hot cars Like i start choking which was already a thing bc asthma but its worse now), and have frequently almost passed out after walking around for too long or just after standing up. (idk how many times ive actually passed out bc i cant remember really but its happened at least once). at first i chalked it up to Being Out Of Exercize and then i was like wait this isnt normal. and i wasnt eating well at the time and brushed it off as that but it continued even after i started eating somewhat better (altho it was a little less bad)

anyway eventually i was like yeah i probably have long covid or smth (also have pots symptoms guessing caused by covid) but i dont have a doctor (& dont know how to get one & dont have money & dont have transportation) so i havent been officially tested for anything

but the one thing that kept me from being like yes this is definitely bc of covid is in my senior year of highschool (started in sept 2020) (a year i have very few memories from so hard to compare symptoms) i remembered always being super out of breath + dizzy + lightheaded after walking up the stairs to my classes on the second floor. like id have to stand there for a second and breathe n shit and my friend was like “thats not good u should tell ur doctor” . but yeah i was like well maybe its just asthma and im exaggerating and its always been like this

WELL. i just remembered. in february 2020 i had this really awful cold. oone of the worst id ever had. coughing my fucking lungs up, couldnt breathe well, everytthing tasted weird. it lasted abt 2 weeks. You can see where this is goingg. i literally remember my mom saying like “wouldnt it be fucked up if tbat awful cold u had a couple months ago was covid” during like may2020.

and EARLY 2020 IS WHEN MY SYMPTOMS STARTED. and they got worse for a couple months and then stayed the same and i guess i got used to it UNTIL. i got covid in dec2021.

(ID: the “newsflash asshole” meme but the guy speaking has been edited over with a stick figure wearing a mask with wide eyes. the caption reads “newsflash asshole! it’s been long covid the entire goddamn time!” end ID)

[waterbottlqueen]

i recently dug up this weird awkward rant-thing about garou i typed out over discord back in february and thought that i should try comparing my thought on his character now to my thoughts from a little over two months ago.

- "get rid of heroes"

i wouldn't say that he was trying to get rid of heroes. in a way, he wanted to be a hero himself. i think that he not only just wanted to prove a point (heroes arent as awesome epic cool as the media makes them seem), but he also only ever hated the idea of false heroism. not heroism itself; instead the false heroism that the heroes in the association parade around for popularity and ranks, not worrying about the issues too small for them to care for. he wanted to replace this false heroism with... real monster-ism. lol. just his "absolute evil" stuff. honestly, from the way he worded it, absolute evil is just unbiased justice. peace and order achieved via unethical means. because in his eyes, this evil could spread where good wouldnt. (if he just (literally) got gud it would have the same effect. same strength but give him a heart made out of rainbows and puppies like mumen rider)

-  "heroes win too much"

i still stand by this. heroes/protagonists in fiction need to lose more often. gets kinda bland when in every form of media it is always the protagonist winning to state a moral at the end of "dont be a bad guy". but garous relevance as a character isnt about that. it isnt about him being a bad guy. its about him being a good guy under the guise of a bad one. and the lesson to be learned from him and what he says is that the people who appear good often only appear good for face; on the inside, theyre the real monsters. during garou's flashbacks regarding justice man, a cartoon that he and many other children watched, we find that the villains of the show tend to have actually good reasons. like the monster that garou defended who was trying to restore peace to the ocean. (maybe following the direction of garou, the ha could air a children's cartoon centred around a monster as the protagonist. i would unironically watch it.)

- "the pity card"

i feel now as though garou was never meant to be written as a bad character. instead, i think that he was always meant to be a strange sort of hero. by the "pity card" i am referring to when writers take a character who is initially evil and gives a backstory to get viewers to like the villain more and understand their side. but while that may work on me sometimes, you'll notice that this isnt the case with garou. even from the start, (or, well, not from the START, but from the beginning, i guess. his start was beating up a bunch of people lmao. but most of them were bad people, so my point is still there in a way) garou is a good person. hes a sort of mentor figure to tareo and stands up to bullies for him, protecting the shed and deflecting bullets just so that tareo doesnt get hurt by a "hero". he doesnt kill metal bat and his sister when he has the chance. later on, he saves someone from getting used as a sacrifice to the monster association as well as an old man getting mugged. (granted, he dine-and-dashes after, but its fine. hes just a silly little guy.)

- "id let him destroy the world and even then, he wouldnt" 

again, i agree with february me on this. even while under the influence of god, who gives him the power to live out his original goal of ruling the world, garou starts sobbing when he realizes that he killed tareo from the radiation. we see him desperately crawling away in a meager attempt to save the young boy. from this you can tell that he finally comes to the truth: world domination would never achieve the peace he wanted. the people he tried to save with his absolute evil, those helpless, bullied children on the school playground that painfully remind him so much of himself would've died. garou snaps out of gods influence from that, asking saitama to take gods power in his place. garou says that he himself is the ominous future that must be defeated, as he is the one who killed the only thing that had mattered to him at that point. im guessing that garou never remembers this moment, but it does impact his character.

- "because hes a good guy"

back to the topic of garou not actually being a villain! as i mentioned, he isnt a bad person. he has more compassion and regard for human life than some members of the hero association (amai mask nearly slaughtering human people under mind control, metal knight knowing information about the hostage they had to save but still refusing to comply, etc.) hes more of a hero than a majority of the heroes in the ha. just a little unhinged. but hey, so are at least 60% of the s class heroes, garou would fit right in. hes definitely strong enough, hes clearly fine with killing monsters, hes good with kids, and hes a little crazy. (most importantly hes got accidental rizz comparable to amai. i can picture him running from an insane fanclub. the girlies would love him.)

so has my opinion really changed? not really, lmao. still love him, always will. forever my favourite character in the series. i think that i maybe understand him better though. do i feel cringe for writing this long ass shit about some fictional dude? yup. wont stop.