#me and camille preaker would be best friends tbh

[faeriesinthedell]

Being the daughter of a controlling mother is so weird, especially when your mother was a product of the same environment. It's like: I don't know how to say no because when I say no to you, nothing changes. I don't know how to assert myself without feeling like I'm being an inconvenience or that I'm risking making someone angry. I don't know how to suggest my opinion because I'm so used to defaulting to a people pleasing option that even when someone enthusiastically seeks my opinion, I still "read the room" the choose the option that will make everyone happy. I don't pursue many hobbies because I know you don't like messes and hobbies make mess. I leave projects half finished because I'm so used to having to throw everything in a drawer or otherwise "clean" it before your cleaning anxiety kicks in and we all have to clean the house for you. I listen to your stories about how you went on wild adventures as a teenager and hid things from your own mother, while I'm terrified of doing anything to disappoint you (not because you would punish me, but because I have such an aversion to upsetting people). I have almost no friends, I do nothing but work and go to college, and I sit at home online during all my free time because I'm not "allowed" to drive very far, and who really wants to hang out at the same 4 places with me?? You drove around town as a teen and left home at 18 and I'm almost 21 and not even allowed to drive half an hour to the next biggest town. No one wants to hang out with me because they know how you are and they know the only options are my house or the local fast food place, because I'm not allowed to drive further. You don't trust me to do things on my own but it's suddenly okay if I have a "chaperone" with me. You were skydiving at my age, but it's not "safe" for me to walk around the woods by myself. People offer to take me places out of pity but I decline because I'm almost positive that they don't really want my company, and they only offer because they must feel bad because I don't experience much.

You once explained to me that the reason you control everything and everyone (in your words) is because you had no control over your life when you were younger, so now you have this need to control everything. You don't realize that you're setting me up for the same position, or maybe you do realize but you can't stop yourself. I'm terrified that I'm going to do the same thing to my own daughters. I don't want this for them, and I don't want it for me.

When that little girl walked a few yards to her house after my grandma's funeral, my instinctual response was to panic and think "No! She can't do that!! She'll get hurt!!"

I didn't want to think that. It wasn't my thought, it was yours.

I love you so much, but I don't want to become you. I can't ever tell you this, because it would break you.

I'm the only daughter, the only child. I have to be good, I have to make you happy. I can't be independent because it won't make you happy, but I can't live my life with the independence level of an 8 year old. I see 12 year olds with more personal freedom than me. They're allowed to wander town as long as they keep in touch with their parents and they keep a level head. I'm not even allowed that, and I certainly wasn't at that age.

I do things that I don't want to in order to make people happy. I scold myself for having too many wants because I feel like it's selfish. It's selfish to write this. It's selfish to not want to be like you, because it would hurt you and that's wrong of me.

I can't ever tell you about any of this, because it would be the nail in the coffin for us. You think I hate you, and this would only confirm it for you. I don't hate you. I love you, but I hate the way you do some things. A person and their actions are two separate things.

You're so headstrong, and so am I, but only to you. It's funny. I defy you so much and make no headway, but I'm so submissive to everyone else to the point of putting on false personas to please a crowd. I think I defy and argue my side because if I don't, then I'd never have any opinion at all. I argue and fight because if I don't then that means my real thoughts are never voiced. You think I fight because I hate you, but I love you. You're my mother and I'm your daughter and I love you. I'm just really bad at showing it, I guess.

I won't control my daughters the way that I've been controlled.

[ofeva]

⌠ REINA HARDESTY, 21, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, EVANGELINE ASTOR! according to their records, they’re a THIRD year, specializing in MEDICAL TRAINING + COVERT OPERATIONS; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (lace bralettes under pressed collared shirts, the sound of mozart’s piano sonata no. 11 echoing from another room, reading at candlelight with a bottle of merlot, holding your breath underwater until your lungs burst). when it’s the (taurus)’s birthday on 5/12/99, they always request their EGG CUSTARD TART from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ kati, 23, she/her, est ⍀ @gallagherintro

STATS / PINTEREST / CONNECTIONS / CLASSES

INSPIRATION.

camille preaker – sharp objects

ophelia – hamlet

marla singer – fight club

mia wallace – pulp fiction

celeste wright – big little lies

hester argyll – ordeal by innocence

melisandre – game of thrones

BACKGROUND + CLICK FOR BIO.

tbh i wrote these bullets and the bio is better if you have time for it. but if not: 

so, james and elizabeth weren’t supposed to have children...they tried and they just couldn’t do it ! at an older age, they wound up adopting evangeline, their heir and saving grace. eva doesn’t know anything about her birth parents, she was adopted as a baby.

james and elizabeth were very strict about eva’s upbringing and she was a lonely child. she didn’t understand why they didn’t want her playing with other children, why they got so upset when she did typical child things like coming home covered in dirt and climbing trees. 

she was a very imaginative child and therefore made up her own friends, playing in the woods as she pictures elves, fairies, and goblins, telling herself stories and creating her own adventures. it helped ease the loneliness, but she was always a little...strange. the other children called her names. she never really outgrew it. 

when eva stumbles home one night with bloody knees, patched up by the nanny, she can hear her parents whisper: "maybe this was a mistake. we weren't ready." 

eva has a wild imagination and likes to talk about how her room is haunted sometimes, always making up stories about ghosts and things she hears in the woods. the sort of thing a normal parent would dismiss, but her mother seems visibly nervous. 

on eva’s twelfth birthday, it all makes sense: eva is not their first child. james and elizabeth managed to have one child before her, named isabella. she was sickly from the day she was born, and now eva understands why your james and elizabeth are so concerned about cleanliness, why she can't go play with the other kids. isabella never turned twelve. eva’s been walking the halls of the astor estate like the ghost of a girl she never knew existed, she never had a fucking chance.

she goes to school in the city and she attempts to persevere, to be the daughter that james and elizabeth want. her grades are immaculate, she shows strokes of genius and she devours books faster than most people can get through a chapter. james and elizabeth think it might be easier if they send eva to prep school, away from their home. they say that she’s just too smart, but evangeline knows the truth deep down ; they don’t want her there.

she goes to a rich, private school in new england and easily sticks out like a sore thumb. so, she learns to assimilate, emulating characters from her favorite stories, trying to bend herself into someone else that people might like. eva has a hard time being herself.

assimilation, covert operations, these are not the only skills she gains as she tries to fit in with your peers. a study she does for her science project about the effects of teenage vaping is published in an academic journal. it's funny because eva loves nicotine herself. she knows better than anyone what that shit does to her lungs, but she’s too in love with the aesthetic tbh. she just doesn’t care.

welcome to the breaking point ! as it’s been mentioned, eva doesn’t really fit in with the cool crowd and high schoolers can be vicious. there’s a group of mean girls she often clashes with. eva likes to sneak out at night with a bottle of merlot and a flashlight and read, but one night some girls follow her. they start pushing her around and she pushes back just a little too hard, and lucy prescott tumbles down the side of a hill.

oh, lucy prescott is fine.

she’s just a bitch about her broken leg and busted elbow and her dad is a big donor, so eva gets fucking expelled and loses her scholarship. no college is gonna accept her now. she doesn’t know how to tell her parents, fearful of being a disappointment.

in the airport, she’s given strange letter. apparently, her parents don’t know anything...someone’s covered the incident up and she’s been accepted into a college that she didn’t even apply for. a school for espionage with a straightforward track to mi6. eva’s parents are so proud, they start bragging about her...but it’s too little too late. the bitterness that's grown inside of her heart is there because they only care about her successes, and she knows they’d never support her in her failures and fuck ups. they don’t see her for who she really is and they don’t care.

she gets on pretty well in school, but it quickly becomes clear that she’s most interested in people. what makes them tick, what makes their heart beat, how the blood courses through their veins. so, she transfers to gallagher academy because it offers a medical training program that her spy school in london doesn’t. at least...that’s the story. 

WARNING...ACCESSING TOP SECRET INFORMATION...

yeah, that spy school isn’t just any spy school. it’s fucking CALEDONIA. eva easily gets obsessed with things and her latest is the world of espionage. what’s special about caledonia? the students there have nothing to lose. caledonia is all eva has left, and it’s all that she knows to be loyal to. 

mr. stewart noticed her when no one else did. he tells her that he's been watching her for a long time, that she’s so much more than her family's prowess or the expectations she could never live up to. it makes her feel valuable, worth something. he is the parent she’s always wanted.

she’s no longer competing against a ghost of a sister that no longer exists. no, her competition is tangible, real, and so much more annoying: his name is cole conner. 

so, meet eva’s new obsession. as her years at caledonia progress together, he’s one step ahead of her at every turn. it’s true that she spends late nights studying, but it’s not just medical journals. it’s everything. it’s how to be the best at everything. 

when cole is sent on the gallagher mission, eva is not even surprised. of course he would, he's the favorite. but months go by with no word, it almost seems like he's doing nothing at all, and rumors turn in the mill. in short: he sucks. so, mr. stewart asks eva to start in the fall and work alongside cole. she’ll be a transfer student, repeating a year to catch up on medical credits that her old school lacked, and she’ll also take on the second specialization of covert ops, to keep an eye on cole, of course.

PERSONALITY.

CREATIVE. eva is very much lost in her mind sometimes, but she’s always full of new ideas, new thoughts, and has an uncanny ability to keep herself occupied. she’s hardly ever bored and as much as she likes to read, she also likes to write, keeping notebooks full of random scribblings mostly, but the occasional poem or short story will come to fruition. 

RESILIENT. she’s been through a lot and continues to take it. the home where she grew up could leave anyone battered down and discouraged, but every time someone else wins, eva gets back up and continues to fight. whether it’s against her parents, against the world, or against, well, cole, she’ll bite back at what stands in her way despite the fact that obstacles keep coming up over and over again. she does not give up.

INTELLIGENT. eva is just really smart! how else can you say it? she has a voracious appetite for learning, for getting her hands on as much of the world as she can, and she is genuinely clever and calculating, the the point where she hasn’t been able to fit in with her peers growing up. that’s why schools that specialize in teaching gifted people, like gallagher, are the best fit for her. she can find her people. 

HEDONISTIC. however, the one thing about her is that she is not exactly disciplined, and it’s probably what sets her behind her rivals; she’s hopelessly self-indulgent, engaging in activities that make her happy over what she’s being told to do. that’s why she has a weakness for good wine, for staying up way too late, for reading an entire book in a day because she can’t hold back. 

OBSESSIVE. eva is so prone to obsession! she can’t stop herself when she fixates on something and yes, this can be a strength when she is trying to learn or accomplish her goals, but it’s a bit much. she puts all of herself into everything and she can’t just casually like something by half – either she’s so bored by it or she is all in. – “i never really learned how to like something. i always let it consume me.” 

IDEALISTIC. always unrealistically aiming for a perfection she can’t achieve, she holds herself and others to impossible standards. she does this in relationships too, which is probably why she finds herself falling in love with fictions at times, sometimes lacking the perception to separate her dreams and her realities. she’s a dangerous enemy but a powerful ally because of this. she doesn’t fear going after what she wants. i actually have no idea if she’s ever been in love or if she’s just emulating the idea of love that she reads about in literature. 

HEADCANONS.

eva’s reasons for doing things: 1) spite. or 2) the aesthetic. eva is so fucking about the aesthetic, it’s literally why she smokes cigarettes or wears skirts on a windy day, she can’t stop herself. catch her in the forest, drinking a bottle of wine and reading her book by CANDLELIGHT when she could just sit inside by a lamp but no, she has to look fucking feral at all times.

does not really have a sleep schedule. she’ll just sleep when she’s tired, kind of just collapses when she feels like she should. time isn’t real, she likes the nighttime, sleeps whenever.

loves used bookstores and will probably bribe fourth years to bring her back books that are worn and loved when they go into roseville. just likes the feeling of worn down paper, slightly smudged ink, and the annotations of a stranger.

her favorite weather is rain and thunderstorms! for the aesthetic a bit, she will be melancholy for the sake of it, sitting by the window with a cup of tea, just thinking, journaling, writing poems about a lost lover and how she misses being tangled up in bedsheets, forgetting her own name. so dramatic.

used to be on a swim team as a kid and zoom zooms in the water, she’s not very fast on land but she’s a fucking shark !!! 

grew up with piano lessons and can play the piano. sometimes writes her own music but it’s mostly for herself, will write songs about the people that she cares for. she’s talented!

her parents were much older when they adopted her and due to the secluded nature of her upbringing, most of her interests are older movies, older classic novels, older music...the stuff from the house she grew up in, she has old-fashioned taste. 

does not really understand or use social media :/ tiktok terrifies her, doesn’t like the idea of the government having her info so. she is not really on any social networking, but she can be reached via text of course! does like emojis! 

do i have to say it........obviously she’s bisexual......please forthe love of god if she doesn’t kiss a girl in the woods while she’s here i will lose my damn mind. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

FELLOW BOOK LOVERS? someone who’s into reading like she is, perhaps she will join the book club but they stay up late and discuss poems together and they just love to talk about media! maybe someone who’s a little more hip to contemporary things and can expose eva to some different genres, or get her to read some cheesy ridiculous romances or YA that she never would’ve touched otherwise. or they’re snobs like her. i’m just thinking rly hard about this pin. 

MESSY EX PLS. hmm oh my god give me someone for eva to obsess over, please? not even in a positive way, but i’d love someone from her past; they could’ve met a) in america while she went to school there, b) her summers in london, c) any of her summer travels, maybe a summer romance...literally i’m down to work with anywhere in the world, but this would be someone that knows TOO MUCH about her and therefore she has to avoid them due to her role as a double agent, but she probably really wants to talk to them. they probably ended on bad terms without much closure but honestly, she can’t talk to them. terrified they’ll catch her in a lie, they just know her too damn well. 

SOMEONE WHO IS SUSPICIOUS OF HER. they think she’s a bit odd, and while eva is good....there’s good spies at gallagher too and they just get a bad vibe from her. ask her a lot of questions, think she’s strange, and after the brotherhood bullshit last year, they’re wary of a new transfer student. eva is determined to give your character the runaround. 

CRUSH. obviously eva is prone to obsession anyways, so let me have your dreamy, interesting muse that she can idealize in her head and write some poems about, maybe they vibe and talk about books and they have the same fave book and so she’s like instant heart eyes but obv. can’t and won’t do anything about it ever <3 she will act like this. i can see maybe this person being a legacy or someone eva needs to learn more about n she just becomes obsessed with them on a personal level too. 

KINDRED SPIRITS. best friends but like they click INSTANTLY ah ! literally it’s like they’re soul mates, they have shared interests and they can spend all night talking. this is someone that eva is also tempted to reveal all of herself to but she can’t. she doesn’t feel bad about lying but she does to this person because they click on such an intimate level that it feels like they’ve known one another forever. terribly sad betrayal to come later <3 homies but make it dark academia tbh. also a vibe. also this.

SECRET FWB. obviously because of her job she prob shouldn’t be getting distracted or involved with anyone, but! sometimes a girl has needs. they probably sneak around a lot and they don’t really understand eva’s need for keeping things so secret? but she’s trying to keep the other agents like cecilia, cole, & allister from knowing that she’s being self-indulgent. 

OPPOSITES ATTRACT FRIENDSHIP. give me your sunshine girls, your sparkly pink princesses, your muses that are always laughing...eva is attracted to her light and wants to be around her all the time, finds her adorable and compelling! they’re very different in energy but they find each other fascinating and eva finds her energy just so infectious, this girl makes eva feel optimistic about life and she adores her. would protect this girl with her life. 

FLIRTATIONSHIP. this. probably like a flirtationship where they don’t take each other seriously or where she flirts with your muse a lot because she finds it funny and your muse continually puts down her advances but it’s all like jokes and amusing. 

PEOPLE FROM HER PAST. not a ton of these obviously, but i wouldn’t mind one or two people that kind of make her squirm. maybe the angst of old friends that lost touch would be really fun? i’m a sucker for ex-friend things and then we can build them back up or ruminate in the awkwardness, whatever the vibe turns out to be. 

PEN PAL. obviously eva was a lonely child so she found ways to make her own fun or...make her own friends. whether through an exchange program at school or something she found on the internet, these two have been writing letters for years. i feel like she stuck with it because she was such a lonely person whereas most people lose touch or you’re a kid so you forget about it. they probably graduated to text message over the years. 

CARETAKER? idk someone who is like an older sibling figure to evangeline. she’s obviously never had that in her life, but someone who...sees that she’s struggling and wants to look after her? develops a soft spot for her? she’s like their weird daughter/younger sister/whatever and we love that. like that quote....ur such a soft and messy thing, no one knows how to take care of you...but this person does <3 holding her hair when she’s had too much wine, giving her tissues when her fave character in a book dies, etc.

GENERAL SPY STUFF. obviously eva is trying to get the best of cole and learn about her classmates so we’ll get to that. but also, eva is really interested in characters that cole is close to/cole cares about ... she shall be asking them lots of things and reporting back to mr. stewart, thanks.

also down to plot dynamics among classmates, roommates, and things relating to caledonia or whatever else, we can always just vibe with it. 

[romyshq-blog]

hello lovely people! i’m cathy and i’m super excited to be here with my trash bby, slater. she's messy, so i hope she fits in here!  if u need an enemy, messy ex situation or contemptuous ex-friendship connection, look no further than this bish right here. under the cut you can read about her (she’s a hot mess!!!) and visit her pinterest board here if u’d like (her name is usually rachel but i decided to go wildt and change it *sweats nervously because i actually hate change*). 

( MARGARET QUALLEY / CISFEMALE / SHE/HER ). [ ROMY SLATER ] is a [ TWENTY-ONE ] year old [ UNDERGRAD ] student studying [ JOURNALISM ]. they are known for being [ RESILIENT & PERCEPTIVE ], but also being [ CAPRICIOUS & CONTEMPTIBLE ]. if there was a song that described their life, it would be [ ACRYLIC BY FOG LAKE ].

first thing’s first, you should call her slater. in fact, unless you’re in one of her classes where they take attendance, you probably don’t know her real name is romy. she hates her name and has been going by her last name for as long as she can remember. 

she’s from new york. her dad is very demanding and tempered and her mom is carping, cold and judgmental. so she didn’t grow up in a great situation. 

her dad owns a bunch of properties in the city and in new jersey and they’ve made him very wealthy. they’re mostly crap apartments, motels & strip clubs. he has a lot of criminal ties and is pretty much just a creep.

he has a lot of cops, district attorneys, city council members, deputy mayors etc. on his payroll from bribery and/or blackmail stemming from his strip clubs and the dancers and prostitutes who work there. not to mention his mob affiliation. sooo basically he’s teflon. 

slater’s mom is a social climber who won’t leave her husband despite him being….Not Nice™ since she wants to live lavishly. she’s long island trash...very real housewives

her mom is very selfish and refuses to take any responsibility for the way her life choices have fucked up her daughter while also constantly criticizing slater and her behaviors as if slater just…made herself into the person she is today?? and wasn’t molded by her parents and environment, ya know??

anyway, slater’s mom used to pharmacy shop and put slater on drugs to curb her justified behaviors. like having anxiety due to growing up in a dysfunctional and abusive situation. but she also did it to have slater basically labeled as “mentally ill” and on meds to keep her quiet about their family secrets. so slater has always felt like she’s messed up, even as a kid :///

slater still sees her parents occasionally on breaks and holidays and you can expect her to act out in interesting ways after being forced to go home. 

personality; 

sO! if slater had a label or trope or whatever, she’d totally be the anti-heroine. ya know, the girl who does fucked up shit and can be amoral and you want to hate her but she’s also sympathetic in a way and good (deep down). 

warning: she’s a messy girl to be involved with. she’s got this emptiness inside of her. a hollowness. (hint; it’s depression). she uses anything she can to try and fill it up. drinking, drugs, sex. but she’s incredibly selfish & impulsive in her pursuits and ends up hurting people. a lot. and she always hates herself after but then just does it again.

she’s not a sociopath or narcissist in a clinical sense. she’s actually an insecure, self-conscious ball of anxiety but pushes all that down and plays the Cool Girl role. she does things she knows are wrong and can be a manipulative bitch. then it all eventually bubbles over like a pot on a stove, and paired with the guilt she feels, it causes a few public and many private meltdowns. but she's usually always the source of her own interpersonal issues tbh.

like, you can confront her with receipts of shit she’s done and she’ll just nod and stare at the ground and walk away. but then go into the nearest public bathroom and sob and feel so bad. but then??? still?? never??? apologize???? she’s a trip. 

her aesthetic is uncombed hair, scuffed docs, flannels, torn jeans, tshirts from goodwill with moth holes. doesn’t shower or sleep often and chews her fingernails into stubs. like, she almost makes it a point to just look...Bad.

she gets really good grades because she can be very manic and intense. people in her high school used to tell her she had “crazy eyes” when she got like this because she gets very focused, perfectionistic, talks a mile a minute and you can practically see the gears turning in her brain. she works well under extreme stress, which is why most of her papers are typed up the night before their due date on five cups of coffee and a half pack of cigarettes. 

perceptive of others and can be manipulative and a liar to either a. get what she wants or b. hide her transgressions. she was raised by narcissists so....this is what ya get.

she’s complicated. because on one hand, she wants to be a good person but on the other hand, she fucks people over and betrays people a lot. 

i actually have a headcanon of how she lost her core group of high school friends that’s a good insight into her M.O. if you'd like to hear it:

so senior year slater got drunk and slept with her best friend alyssa’s boyfriend. she didn’t do it to be malicious. but she was too selfish, drunk & thinking about herself to care about how fucked up it was. she felt so bad about it but then caved and did it again and they had an affair. slater eventually broke it off, bottled up her guilt, continued the friendship with alyssa.

soon after, alyssa got pregnant by the same boyfriend. slater knew that alyssa’s bf was trash and supported her friend through an abortion.

but THEN, the boyfriend came clean and admitted the affair long after the fact. so alyssa thought slater supported her abortion for selfish gains because SHE wanted her boyfriend and (rightfully) felt betrayed. when in actuality, slater had long since stopped fucking him and only wanted what was best for alyssa when she supported her through the abortion. SO she did a bad thing in the past but still had good intentions. however, the past came back to bite her and she lost everything. don't get me wrong, she's not the victim in this situation. she fucked up. but not in the way her friends thought. so when she held her best friend's hand in the procedure, that came from a real place of love and she thought she was doing the right thing. however, she did do unforgivable things to the friend she loved. like i said, she's complicated because you can't outright say she's a soulless monster but you also can't justify or support her actions. 

YEAH! that’s my messy slater. she can never make it out of a situation as the good guy. she makes mistakes that are unjustifiable but she has a good heart and isn’t a horrible person inside. she doesn’t know why she is the way she is but she hates it tbh. she hates the things she does and the way she feels. but she just!!! keeps!!! fucking people over!!!! like, there’s no sugarcoating it: she’s done some terrible things for awful reasons and never apologized for any of it. but she regrets. she just can’t seem to break the cycle. (she's v much inspired by rachel goldberg from unreal as well as gretchen cutler from you're the worst, mickey dobbs from love, camille preaker from sharp objects and mavis gary from the film young adult!!)

plots;

i’m a HOE for drama, as you can probably tell my my angsty, messy character.

so maybe ex-boyfriends on bad terms or ex-friends. someone slater fucked over n won’t take responsibility for what she did

OR someone who fucked slater over for a change. taste of her own medicine tbh

maybe someone naive and innocent she can corrupt since misery loves company

childhood friends or enemies, family friends, a cousin maybe? characters with criminal connects who maybe know her dad??

fellow journalism majors that hate her for giving journalism a bad name cuz they’re actually dedicated to journalism and integrity n slater sleeps with sources and barely ever shows up or turns things in on time lmao

a professor she’s fucking lol idk 

someone who can see her at her worst. 

someone who’s innocent and good and slater actually tries to protect them, like a sisterly bond

trouble-maker, burnout friends. or toxic friendships

friends with benefits