#mc's fate is literally so unfair

[kaiaelsher]

Guys im rereading shit and IM JUST SO SAD FOR MC

It's like she's nothing but a tool to these people. LIKE I KNOW it's necessary but it's just ... ARGH😭😭😭😭 at this point i'm not her, im HER MOTHER.

[iz-star]

About Dr Zayne and Dawnbreaker's ethics.

Something that kinda irks me a little when ppl talk about Dr Zayne and Dawnbreaker, it's when they make it look like they're totally different people.

"Dr Zayne would never kill someone where Dawnbreaker wouldn't hesitate..."

It's not as simple as that, honestly. Dawnbreaker is just a severe depressed Dr Zayne. His morals aren't some kind of "twisted" ethic bc he kills ppl for the greater good and not out of pleasure.

He has the exact same views than Dr Zayne, actually: "It's better to die with clarity than living as a walking corpse"

Remember that Zayne doesn't stop Tobias from choosing to die instead of looking for a cure for his Protocore syndrome, even tho Zayne is the most desperate person on earth to save people (His medic of the artic anecdote makes it crystal clear). Despite his own beliefs, he will always respect the patient's autonomy over their own body and life.

Actually, Zayne defines his ethics as Doctor as "Respecting life and patient's choices".

Georgie's mom looked for Dawnbreaker to kill her bc she knew she was going to turn into a monster and he could help her. DB Zayne is not a Doctor but still does his best to try to fix the world he lives in the same way Dr Zayne does or tries to lessen the damage at the very least. It is even said in his anecdotes that the police and media try to hide the fact that being exposed to Protocore energy/ Metaflux for long periods of time is what is making ppl to turn into wanderers. Considering that Protocore technology is highly profitable in LADS world, nobody would give up on it the same way we haven't given upon oil.

Dawnbreaker it's literally Zayne living the consecuences of the status quo and capitalism. Something that Dr Zayne does too at rejecting immortality and accepting death as the natural result of living.

I've previously talked about this, but in Master of Fate myth it is mentioned that Zayne's role is of a siming, and according to chinese mythology, it's a deity with more of a bureocratic job than anything else (Just look at the way he dedicated his time to those bamboo books). He decides who gets to have a long life and who gets to have a short span of life in order to keep the balance of destiny and probably the reason he had to get rid off of MC since she was a "variable".

And as Foreseer, he loses the jurisdiction of allocating human life span and fate but still watches over them.

The concept of Zayne's character as a whole is this balance of life and death. I wouldn't be surprised if later on they reference yin and yang through him, in traditional chinese medicine, it is said that sickness comes from the unbalance of ying and yang.

In this case, it's true that Dr Zayne and Dawnbreaker look like opposites -the Guardian Angel and the Grim Reaper. But in reality, they're two sides of the same coin and complement each other. Dr Zayne has the possibility to save lifes bc he's a doctor. Dawnbreaker has the possibility to help people to die bc he's an assasin. There's both light and darkness in both of them.

Dr Zayne wouldn't kill ppl just bc he wanted too. The same goes for Dawnbreaker. And just as William asked Zayne to kill him, DB too, killed Georgie's mom and probably his step father out of mercy. And so the same goes for the rest of people. And just as Dr Zayne saves ppl with his hands, Dawnbreaker does too at avoiding any casualties caused by wanderers (which is his main purpose after all)

Dr Zayne is good, he has no bounty like the other guys and he hasn't committed crimes but that doesn't make him any less attractive at all and most important, it doesn't make him naïve. I would say it's totally the opposite, since it seriously takes strength to remain kind in an unfair world.

[Nedless to say that the other guys are lot older than him bc he was cursed to reincarnate and find MC just to watch her die and sacrifice himself to save her].

I think this rant of mine comes from the fact that lately I've read several ppl saying that Dawnbreaker is far more interesting to them that Dr Zayne. I suppose this opinion comes from all the possibilities of what is like to be with Dawnbreaker who is a gloomy Zayne and someone who also lives in totally different circumstances. And I mean, at the end of the day, it's a valid opinion.

But my point here is: they're actually not that different from one another if you look closely. (Dr Zayne also shares his fair amount of depression before MC).

Foreseer, Master of Fate, Dr Zayne and Dawnbreaker are all Zayne after all and I think it's important to highlight that most of them live their life as a means to an end for the greater good. Astra once said that Zayne was his tool and in all his lifes, Zayne has always worked his ass off for other people.

No wonder why as a doctor he respects ppl's autonomy over their lifes. It's MC the one who makes him being a bit more selfish.

Honestly, I could write an essay about this to explain it more properly but I'm so sleepy rn, I might consider it later but don't really trust it. If you've read all of this, wow. Thank you!!

[random-senpai]

Y'know I joked about Fuuko getting a harem this timeloop but the more I think about it the more I think it's actually plausible. Tozuka loves to explore different genres in Undead Unluck. And with the popularity of the Harem genre he could easily play around with it. Fuuko and Andy's meeting was a twist on the classic "fateful encounter" in Shoujo manga where the female protagonist accidentally bumps into the male lead. So what if Andy's return is finding out that this time he has love rivals?

With most people he wouldn't have to worry because thanks to Fuuko riding arc she's unable to age so not many people would be able to be with her long term, but the people she's been getting vibes this loop with are able to be with her thanks to their negation abilities. With her completely changing the trajectory of their lives.

Feng - Unfade literally prevents him from aging and keeps him at his physical prime since it manifested earlier this loop. Thanks to Fuuko beating his ass he hasn't killed in decades and has grown embrace his role as a father (in a tsun way) instead of the messed up relationship he had with Shen the last loop.

Gina - Unchange prevents things from changing. In the previous loop she used it to make an unchanging shell of makeup to hide her age, but with the emphasis of growth of abilities this loop she might be able to prevent her cells from aging by making her own body "Unchanging". This loop instead of lamenting her role as a member of Union, she takes incredible pride in it. She's Fuuko's right hand woman, her closest confidant, her silly rabbit.

Billy - Unfair has changed massively this loop and is the most broken thing ever. Thanks to Fuuko he's taken a much more healthier outlook on life and allows him to express his true kind nature without being so self sacrificing. All he has to do is adknowledge one's strength and it lets him copy their ability. He can copy Andy's Undead without the convoluted backstab this loop, can copy Unfade whenever, and has already been shown to have copied Unchange this loop.

Hell they're even built like Otome Game routes

Andy is the fun flirty one that never really means anything at first and changes when he actually gets serious. Has (or had depending on when he comes back) the most screentime and is obviously the main route.

Feng is the tsundere that's reluctant to admit how he truly feel. Who also never leaves the MC alone and makes excuses instead of admitting his real emotions.

Gina is the bestie gal pal. She supports the MC no matter what and is the go to for infro. But she also has feelings deeper than just a friend and is the sole (barely hidden) Yuri route in the game.

Billy is the funny aloof older man (in concept. Fuuko is waaaay older than him this loop). He jokes around and acts like a dummy, but hides a tragic past and huge amounts of trauma behind his easy smile. Comes complete with the dead wife that 80% of rare Ossan options in otomes have.

I'm gonna throw this out there, but I think that when Fuuko gets to Unruin and saves him from his tragedy this loop, he's going to become obsessed with her and worship her like he worshiped God in the previous one. Maybe being like a messed up Yandere secret route.

So yeah good luck Andy. You're gonna need it when you come back to your girl.

[mostlymobilegames]

I don't normally make this kind of "review" so late, usually I write my thoughts very early, when a new story gets published and there's only a few episodes (which didn't happen with Theodora). However, I managed to take advantage of the event and basically binged the entire book. I wouldn't have made this review if I didn't genuinely need to write my opinions on this (like my head might've exploded if I didn't).

!!Spoilers ahead!! and possibly tw? Nothing is too explicit

Because Theodora is, at the moment, only 4 episodes away from the end, I didn't go into the story blind. I knew about almost all the wow moments... and that didn't ruin the experience in the slightest.

I could gush about the author's writing forever, I was beyond impressed with... everything really, the atmosphere, the dialogue, the characters, the story, the descriptions, the MC's introspection, I can't find one thing to complain about when it comes to the style of writing and expressing. It never felt like serious matters were described too superficially, without giving sufficient attention, or too pretentiously, where it's just so artificial to the point of boredom; it stayed just on the line between too little and too much, keeping the reader entertained without feeding them gallons of information.

Maybe the season 3 finale will blow my mind, but honestly season 1 just set the bar so high everything after that just felt like "ok, moving on". This isn't at all an insult to the other two seasons, quite the opposite, I liked how season 2 gave wayyyy more attention to the MC and really dived into her head, because it makes sense. Season 1 takes a very mortal and human Theodora into unprecedented violence and suffering, especially for a woman whose previous concerns were homemaker articles. People are in pain and reality isn't safe. The fate of the burlesque dancers and Madame's unfinished business are serious problems (prostitution, abuse, drugs, abandonment), and very important at that moment, but they are fragments of other people's lives, the MC is mostly an observer, it can't even come close to the trauma of season 1. The story is coming to an end, but it's a handful of people against the villain, not innocent civilians resorting to suicide to remain on their land, coercion on top of coercion, lynching and so on. Season 1 instills terror, it shows not only the extreme fragility of human lives, how easy everything can be taken from you, but also human cruelty and sadism. Neumann isn't a supernatural creature, he's very much human and very much terrifying. I liked how there seemed to be no justice for the bad guys in season 1 and 2, it felt more realistic especially because it is unfair.

I loved how the characters were never put in the background even if they weren't the MCs LI. Being allowed to still have friendships while in a relationship and invest in those friendships is amazing. All the characters felt like humans with real lives that don't revolve around the MC, they didn't disappear if Theodora wasn't into them and their lives didn't start with her. Creating such a strong sense of family in every season with a new cast is also appreciated; even if it seems like a short time the pacing never felt rushed (it is a bit wonky in the last season but not enough to be a problem for me).

The LIs are just great. None of them really lacked anything, everything I said above applies to all of them. I didn't mind at all the "oh shit here we go again" because it perfectly showed the fact that yes, the MC is immortal and everyone around her will die, over and over again. This is where John falls into the soulmate trope thing. I casually romanced him and while I would've liked to be with him in the last season, it wasn't my fault he was in the same season with Charlotte. Regardless, I liked the "demon is soft for human, they are bffs" and John giving literally everything for Theodora with no expectations is my new addiction (though I do want to romance him properly after the story is finished). I could read whole episodes of just their interactions, not even interesting ones, like training or yearning for each other, just... having breakfast and discussing the news, or walking in the park like an old couple.

Now, the MC my beloved

From a young, inexperienced but very determined journalist who wants to make the world proud and her name known to a sad, self destructive and lonely woman, forced to live her life without end, Theodora's mind is really entertaining. Every time she got into her own head, every emotion or lack of emotion, every breakdown, it was all so authentic, I felt what she was feeling having never been in those situations myself. A character drowning in solitude and despair who occasionally sees the light just to be plunged over and over again in the dark and still go on with her life (I mean there's no choice but still).

I liked that she never fell into the not-like-other-girls mess, there was always a sense of solidarity between her and other women, more or less similar to her, without it being exploited to ridiculous levels. She wasn't above anyone but also didn't force camaraderie.

Tbh I would've been fine having like 7 more seasons of Theodora just... living her life in different places while spiralling into madness and alcoholism; that's how good she is. I think overall the characters in this book really tie everything together, like they're the cherry on top but also the frosting and main flavour of the cake.

I devoured this story, I don't even care if the ending won't be satisfactory, the first two season were just mind-blowing. I don't even know what else is there to be said, everything is so good, from the visuals, the music and noises, the CGs, to the writing itself.

For a first story, Arina set huge expectations for her next works.

[hellsbellschime]

I always love your takes on Dany because I think you explain her really well and was wondering what you think of this take by a Dany stan. It's got some uh... interesting ideas. Sorry too because it's quite long

The main difference in between Daenerys' political arc, and that of other "heroes" and their Houses is that Dany's is not currently a political arc relegated to fighting for Targaryen grievances and wins. Meanwhile, all other main House representatives in the narrative (Starks, Martells, Lannisters, Greyjoys, Tullys, Tyrells, Baratheons) are generally fighting precisely for nothing else but their own (and their Houses') grievances and wins.

That's where the double standards come in-

+ Daenerys is harshly and minutely judged for the quality of her every act, upon every single person in her narrative, bc her arc involves her aim to hold responsibility over the wellness of all these people.

+ Everyone else who are part of the Great Houses however are merely judged as per how they perform towards the wellness of their own Houses, because that's all they aim to perform for.

One girl dies in an act Dany is not directly involved in, particularly in intention, and the discussions are endless as per the repercussions and outrage of the occurrence. Because Daenerys took it upon herself to defend all these people, and this seems like a failure, particularlyin her POV: one girl with no other importance in the story and a few lines, among maybe millions. One girl. Hazea.

Robb Stark and his men, on the other hand, will kill, maim and rape thousands, or even tens of unnamed thousands, and there is no outrage; rarely discussed repercussions. Because Robb's political arc is not about protecting nameless people. Not about caring for the fate of one-liner non-noble characters. His arc is about the grievances of House Stark. About Ned. Readers judge him upon how close he gets to getting revenge on Tywin and Jofrrey, about how well/or bad he leads wars, not about what kind of leader he is to people, what kind of 'monster' he is to enemy commonfolk. The relevance of his eventual loss is not about the fate of his people, or enemy people, either. It's about his personal tragedy. It's about the tragedy of the remaining Starks.

There is outrage for Daenerys even killing her (leader) enemies. For everyone else, it's an undisputed aim.

Daenerys is even already judged for the possibility of a future where she will anything that concerns her actually being Daenerys of House Targaryen in Westeros. The possibility that any Westerosi people might die, while hundreds of thousands may have been dying so far at the hands of other Great Houses (directly and indirectly), and it's mostly irrelevant for them. But for Daenerys that judgement is everything. She is looked through the lense of "if she's a Queen she's meant to protect them, not kill them" tho she has not yet been granted that status, while those who have had the status of Kings, Queens and Lords of Westeros in the meantime have been responsible for the deaths of their own people all of this time.

No noble Northener really cares for a Jeyne Poole, least of all for a Hazea.

Daenerys alone is (harshly) judged as a leader of people, because that's her current actual arc. She is not Daenerys of House Targaryen currently, in a real sense, not really. Her family and House don't really matter where she is now, and to what she is doing.

Almost every other noble character (and I only say almost to partly exclude those not taking particular part in politics) is given the leniency of the tragic MC in a tragic family drama biopic. ALL THEY ARE IS X PERSON OF HOUSE Y. And in most cases nothing else matter. - end post

Well, obviously no hate to this person whoever they are and I don't necessarily think it's a bad take just because I disagree with it. I particularly DO agree on things like Jeyne Poole, and I think that is GRRM very intentionally trying to point out some huge hypocrisies with everyone in the story, even the "good guys", because it is incredibly unfair that no one will come to save Jeyne Poole while a fuckton of people will come to save "Arya Stark" just because they cared about Ned.

But where I don't agree is on that aspect in particular. Because it's not about winning or airing grievances for these great houses, a lot of their actions are largely driven by the fact that they simply care deeply about the other people who are involved in the war now or who have been hurt or killed in the past wars, and that is largely what is motivating many of them to do what they do. And in even more intense cases, they're going to war because they are in extremely immediate danger.

This is true for both villains and heroes, I mean Robb and Cat go to war against the Lannisters because there is an immediately mortal threat to their entire family, and even though Cersei and the rest of the Lannisters are clearly villains, their actions are also driven by an immediate mortal danger that their family is facing. And it's safe to say, a huge portion of what happened in the WOT5K would never have even occurred if a lot of these people weren't put in a position of "HOLY SHIT me or someone I love is about to die RIGHT NOW if I don't do something so I better fucking do something".

I feel like the story makes it clear that the wars that they are fighting are very pointless and brutal anyway. I mean FFS, GRRM does not accidentally traumatize the shit out of Arya by putting her in a commoner's position in a war that is supposedly being fought in her name. So I actually agree with the writer in the sense that there is a double standard when it comes to Dany vs. everyone else, but I feel like the double standard is valid because all of these characters for better or worse have a dog in this fight. Whatever they've done is incredibly personal and therefore pretty irrational for them.

And the fact that the men are rallying to save Arya Stark when they wouldn't rally to save a thousand Jeyne Pooles is very telling and demonstrates that they are extremely hypocritical, but it's also telling because they're not fighting for the "heir to House Stark". They repeatedly talk about how they're fighting for Ned's girl. It has very little to do with her nobility and power and a great deal to do with how these people feel about Ned not as a Stark, but just as a person that they knew and cared for who was horribly wronged.

So while I agree and recognize that a ton of the main characters have done the wrong things, often for the wrong reasons, it's personal, it's emotional, and it's irrational. And in a lot of cases it is driven by something as simple and pure as "I am about to die if I don't do something so I'm doing the first thing I fucking think of to get out of it". Even for the houses who initially got involved as a power play, it has become very much about the people that they care about and their own feelings rather than strategy and house advancement.

That doesn't magically make it moral, but it does make it hugely distinct from what Daenerys is doing. Because Daenerys doesn't have a dog in this fight at all. She has absolutely no personal ties to Westeros or anyone in it, and she is not in any danger from anyone in Westeros. Literally the only Westerosi person who has ever even really tried to kill her is a man she doesn't know and is already dead, and the only Targaryen she ever knew who even had a connection to Westeros was someone she hated who abused her horrifically and who is also already dead.

Ergo, Dany is a villain because she literally has no personal or political justification for the massive war that she's going to bring to Westeros. She is going to leave the place she's in that is a complete mess and desperately needs help even more than it did after her intervention, and she's going to invade a place that she doesn't care about beyond some imaginary concept she has about it in her head, has no connection to, has no need for her, and poses no threat to her.

She's not fighting for anything besides herself and her own sense of entitlement over Westeros. She's more harshly judged for her actions because they are completely driven by her own whims and desires and nothing more. She has the opportunity to think things through and plan and get advice and actually figure out the best way to do things, whereas every character in Westeros is reacting to something very immediate that they don't have a lot of time to consider and that is deeply emotional for them. But still, she doesn't even do that.

She's judged for all of the mistakes she makes because they're unnecessary and foreseeable mistakes. And, if she actually just waited and tried to figure out what to do instead of basically throwing herself into situations where she's suddenly overthrowing governments and ruling hundreds of thousands of people without a plan or any governing experience, then a lot of the bad things that have happened as a result of her campaign wouldn't have happened.

And obviously, I think this is a very intentional move on GRRM's part. I think he establishes that war is pointless and often outrageously hypocritical with the WOT5K, but there's a reason he gave Dany no one she loves and no one who needs her help and no one who poses a threat to her in Westeros. She's going to bring war to an already war-ravaged continent simply because she feels like it should belong to her.

That is drastically different than Robb going to war because his father has been falsely charged with treason or Cersei murdering Robert because he will try to murder her children if he finds out they're not his. And while all of the wars in ASOIAF are terrible and purposeless in the end, GRRM is going very far out of his way to demonstrate that Dany has literally zero justification or even explanation for why she acts the way she does beyond her belief in her own super-special entitlement.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

why does jean warn up to mc so quickly? ikevamp makes it clear that jean is a pretty reserved person and doesn't open up or let people in easily but he seems to let mc in quite quickly and it confuses me quite a bit.

Oh boy, where to begin with this one.

Well, I have a lot of Feelings^TM about this, but I'll try to be concise. Essentially, I think Jeanne doesn't recover in the other routes--or the general storyline--largely because he's just a lot to unpack narratively speaking. And without some pretty direct intervention, he has a hard time healing. MC’s direct intervention was meaningful because it was focused, consistent, and adapted to Jeanne’s specific needs. She also doesn’t make light of his experiences which is key; she fully understands that she can’t fathom what he’s been through. There is a very weighty respect and acknowledgement, a seriousness with which she treats his wounds that’s important.

It’s easy to make this a “why is MC nOt LiKe ThE oThEr GiRlS” but honestly that’s just not the sense I get when I look at all the information available to us. 

That being said, I also just feel like every person's recovery from traumatic events doesn't really look the same? I mean Leonardo’s cptsd isn’t going to operate the same way Jeanne’s wartime/Inquisition cptsd is going to operate. Some people require very individualized healing, others will often require a large scale group effort to lift them up.

Typically people don't ever just get over what happened to them and never worry about it again, either. It's usually a process of coping; the hope is that with time you find healthy ways to deal with grief and move forward. Therapists aren't magicians, they just help people process painful experiences/thoughts. It's honestly up to individuals to find meaningful ways to implement these tactics. 

Tl; dr: My contention is that Jeanne doesn’t open up or choose to stay alive because MC magically heals him, rather his recovery is a convergence of many people’s efforts and hopes that he stays alive. Gilles (he insists that Jeanne must live, asks him to promise), MC (affirms and bolsters that promise), Comte (makes a second life and recovery possible)--and in no small measure Mozart and Napoleon--all make an active effort to buoy him. As people often say, it takes a village to raise a child.

While Jeanne seems to respond most powerfully to MC’s attempts, it feels more like a product of chemistry/compatibility than it does a random cop out. There is no insinuation that only romantic love can heal; after all, MC gets close to him without any romantic intentions at first. They’re just good friends? It’s more that their feelings simply moved in a different direction after a point, which doesn’t necessarily happen all the time. Jeanne is also incredibly moved by Mozart’s love for him as a friend, Comte’s love for him as a father, and even Gilles’ love as a comrade to an extent. If anything, without their input Jeanne’s capacity for romantic love would be questionable at best.

Now, because I can never for the life of me stop analyzing, I have a more large scale outline of my thoughts below. Spoilers for Jeanne’s route:

If we look at Jeanne's life history, he has pretty specific trauma. Most of the harm he endured was a direct result of human rights violations after the war itself. He didn't enjoy fighting and killing people, but he's also very much a man that sees the reality of his position: it's either kill or be killed. His entire goal was to defeat the enemy as efficiently as possible in the hopes of ending conflict, and with his enormous resolve turns the tide. He had no innate interest in inflicting harm, or lack of control when engaging. He isn't pathological about it, and doesn’t dehumanize the other side. He was more "this was an act of necessity, but those are still human beings." So as far as I can tell he has a very strong moral compass and sense of duty, he doesn't show much delusion/confusion in that regard. (Also evident in his conversations with the young orphan boy.) Furthermore, he has been shown to have a sense of humor--cracking jokes with Gilles and boosting morale for his fellow soldiers.

His childhood abandonment is significant (he left his home because he was "not an adequate farmhand and they had no ability to feed all their children") but I don't know if I would consider it a huge trauma point for him. It seems as though he deemed it an act of necessity--not spite. It was simply the way of things, and he couldn't help his wiry constitution. You'd be surprised how common that was once upon a time, tbh... While it's certainly not right or fair, it does appear that in his perception it was the choice he made and he moved on after he became a soldier. Just focusing on what he could do, rather than everything he lacked. For people in his position, they often feel it is useless to linger on what should have been. There’s no time to linger or doubt, life hangs in the balance.

That leaves us with his time under the Inquisition, just before he was slated to be burned alive. I think this is the keystone trauma point for him, because there are a lot of moving parts to his powerlessness here. The first part is that his entire life's mission--ending the war so that people would no longer have to die and/or starve as a result of senseless violence--was just sabotaged. All those years of doing things he never wanted to do (wartime violence) and being forced to leave his family to ensure they didn't all starve, all of it treated like some kind of joke. Like he didn't sacrifice years of his life and sanity to protect a people who were happy to call him a monster and watch him burn alive. The second part is the overt gaslighting and rewriting of Jeanne's personal history (and overall French public perception) for the sake of the King's political agenda. To call him a treasonous danger to the country when he was once lauded a hero. The third portion is the actual physical helplessness of being arrested, starved, and continuously maimed for no reason beyond pure malice. While it's never right to do that to any human being, this was done to a man who prided himself on his stalwart moral code. To abuse and torture him for something egregious that he would never do (at the risk of death) is just another slap in the face to everything he is and believes in.

I just feel like the context clarifies why that period of time would be the tipping point. His entire moral code and life’s work is being called into question and swept aside, as well as his agency? He believes very powerfully in a sense of right vs wrong, what's fair and what isn't fair. Somebody else deciding that for him--and deciding in a way that is openly unfair/incorrect--further makes him lose himself and his sense of reality. A person in that situation begins to doubt if they are good or bad. His belief in god all the more pressing; if he was a good person, why would fate bring him so much suffering? Honorable soldier or not, his blade has drawn so much blood...

People often reference his stilted social skills (and I am of the belief that he is on the autistic spectrum) as a reason why he is so "people-adverse" but tbh? I don't agree. His memories before the onset of this trauma reveal that he was actually a very warm person, and that people were more than willing to fight under his banner. He had friends, and he had comrades--his country loved him. He was the picture of well-meaning civic duty. Just because he doesn’t integrate smoothly into larger social groups or adapt well to socially shifting circumstances, doesn’t mean he just hates people lmao. When people give him the space to exist within his comfort zone and don’t take advantage of him, he thrives. Compounded by that, we also have his actions in the present to further prove what is true and what isn't.

While he is stern with the orphan boy (I'm sorry I can't remember his name, damn it) there is no malice or cruelty in what he has to say. He doesn't punish the kid or do anything out of line. It may not be fair in terms of the adult level of discretion he asks of him, but the kid also didn't have a lot of options realistically speaking lmao. Same thing with MC, she and the orphan boy are nearly identical in how Jeanne treats them. He's a little rough, but the route reveals that his intentions are just a reflection of what he's been through. He truly believes that if a person isn't strong, they won't survive--because his entire life was a series of trying to be strong/reliable because nobody else would. There was nobody to protect him, and nobody to care for him went things went south. It was him and his sword against the world, and even his exceptional skill as a fighter did not protect him from the Inquisition's arbitrary torture. He has lived in a world where good acts can become absolutely meaningless, where following rules and helping people still gets you slaughtered. That's going to take a considerable toll on his mental health: where do you find the will to go on when the next second of your life could mean the devastation of everything that matters to you?

Spoilers: you don't. Or if you do, every minute of the day is a fight to stay alive. That is the point at which we meet Jeanne. Caught in the hellish whirlpool of wanting more, wanting better--but being terrified of the cost. The cost of hoping, only for his entire world to go up in flames again. It's not a small thing, in my view.

If you have any doubts as to whether or not that is the case, I direct you to literally every singular instance in which Jeanne's emotional sensibility goes visibly dark/south. When do these instances happen? When it rains, for one. And when Shakespeare deliberately starts pressing on his sensitivities: about the soldiers he was forced to kill, about the nation that spurned him, how he's truly "wicked" at heart and doesn't deserve to be happy--seconds before flames erupt for the festival. Does that really sound coincidental? I mean lmao. The rain is a painful reminder, but MC transforms that memory into something a little lighter with her bet. He has nothing to lose in her game, all she does is ask for time with him or offers him something if she loses. There's a playfulness there, a restoration of agency and ease that's invaluable to his recovery.

As for Shakespeare's deliberate retraumatization...I can't even begin to explain how damaging that event was. Shakespeare is undermining Jeanne's agency in that he--not unlike the corrupt monarch of Jeanne's era--is twisting Jeanne's beliefs to work against him. He knows full well that Jeanne doesn't feel like he deserves somebody so bright and understanding (we need to remember it's not really a luxury he's had much in life, especially after the war ended). He knows Jeanne has a tendency to impose that strict moral code on himself even more than he does on others. To reaffirm his every worst fear and lurking terror only throws Jeanne into a vicious downspiral. Jeanne doesn't reject MC out of disgust or hate. He rejects her because he literally cannot handle the concept of trying to be happy again, or of burdening her with his constant struggle to move on while he’s in the middle of a bad episode. He knows he won’t be able to stop reliving the past, that every second of his life and breath will be colored by his gruesome memories. He's trying as hard as he can to keep the intrusive thoughts quiet, to move on. But I'm not going to lie to any of you, that is incredibly difficult to do alone.

The next obvious question is, well why can't the other men help him? This isn't to say that they can't--we see how much solace Jeanne finds in Napoleon and Mozart. Even Isaac is gentle with the veteran. But there are limits to how much they can do. Napoleon is struggling with his own wartime trauma, and it's not identical to Jeanne's. Plus there’s a distinct difference in their sensibilities? Napoleon is the type to habitually seek comfort in helping others when he can't help himself, he's not as in tune with answering his own personal feelings and regulating them. (I mean just look at his new ES: he knows what he wants, but it takes a nudge from Isaac for him to go through with it.) He’s very communally reliant in ways Jeanne isn’t; Jeanne is a very private person, and typically prefers one on one from what I can tell.

Mozart is the definition of repression, and if you look at their interactions it's usually Jeanne that's smoothing over Mozart's rough edges. Mozart says as much himself: that he feels like a rotten friend because he knew Jeanne was struggling with a lot of intense trauma, but he didn't know how to unravel it without hurting him in the process. Mozart calls it personal cowardice, but honestly I just feel like they both had too much going on to be able to help each other effectively. (And Jeanne expresses this sentiment too? This idea that he's not angry with Mozart? He knows they're both carrying a lot, he's just touched Mozart cares about him in return.)

Okay, briefly unrelated, but like. Am I the only one that wheezes uncontrollably when Mozart is like "?????? Idk what it is about MC...I don't want her to be scared of me..." in his own main story in the baths. And Jeanne. IS TRYING SO HARD. NOT TO SPILL THE BEANS ABOUT HIM O B V I O U S L Y BEING IN LOVE. THE HILARITY I CAN'T DO THIS. Jeanne was like "yeah....yeah that's rough buddy.......[screams internally, give your boy time Jeanne he's fragile]"

Honestly? That's the thing about Jeanne too--he has incredible self-awareness and hyperarousal-related (I mean the PTSD kind, get your head out of the gutter) awareness to the people around him. He's very, very conscious of the fact that he is surrounded by geniuses when he can't even write his own name. Just because he has the fortitude not to lash out with his insecurities, doesn't mean he never feels stupid or inferior. And it doesn't help when there are people in the mansion who call him--a fucking war veteran from 500 YEARS AGO--nAiVe. He's not naive lmao. He just doesn't know how the world works so many years later, and it's a ridiculously steep learning curve? Leonardo and Comte are nearly 500 years old, but they lived throughout every hour of that time in a linear fashion. It is a big deal to be moved from 1430 to 1890 in the span of a second asynchronously, and then be expected to function without a hitch??? Given the circumstances he adapts well.

That atmosphere--this constant impatience with what he doesn’t understand, his inability to be caught up to speed quickly--is going to hinder his recovery lmao. He feels like a burden most of the time, and agency and freedom are crucial.

Another thing that occurs to me about the mansion's arrangement is that there is a power dynamic, just as any space with people in it has some level of hierarchy (unless you live with miraculously chill people). Jeanne is acutely aware that Comte is the most powerful being in that space, and he is not only hatefully angry at him--but likely afraid too. We have to remember that the biggest betrayal he witnessed in his life was at the hands of a monarch; it was the aristocracy that turned on him and erased the truth. Comte is openly a child that resulted from both that era and that type of lineage, I don't really blame Jeanne for being wary. He intimately knows how willing rich people are to throw normal folks under the bus to suit their ambitions/whims. Comte, while not deliberately threatening, also seems to be painfully aware of this impression he gives off. His "chad persona" as I've mentioned allows him to navigate his life in secret by necessity, but it’s actively damaging to his son. He can't reveal the truth because of Vlad's betrayal, and he's openly unsettled by what it could mean to be honest. Will they wonder about Vlad and find themselves ensnared under his mind control as Charles and Shakespeare are? Will Comte himself be subjected to the mortifying ordeal of being known only to lose them?? That's a risk he isn't willing to take--and that leaves him in a double bind.

What is it that they say, the truth will set you free? This is where MC and Comte come into enormous play when it comes to Jeanne's recovery. One thing to keep in mind is that most of the people in the mansion have their own traumas they're trying to carry, and I feel like a lot of them are unsure how to approach Jeanne. Or if they do, he's very guarded. It takes a lot of consistent effort to get through to him. What does MC do when Jeanne unleashes his harsh worldview on her? She's understandably frightened, but Jeanne isn't malicious (so she chases him around). In fact, he openly avoids and runs away from her--well aware that what he's done is wrong. If anything, he did it on purpose, bringing us right back to Shakespeare's verbal undoing; why does Jeanne attack her in the first place?

LMAO. He attacks her because she essentially says "oh thanks for helping me!" "I am not nice. Watch yourself." "But you seem like a nice guy to me?" "REEEEEE" Does the pattern become a little clearer? When people think kindly of him, his instinct is to shatter that illusion with an impulsive reprehensible act. When people think poorly of him or lash out, what does he do? When that orphan boy starts yelling and screaming, Jeanne is nothing but calm. He explains the situation, and offers the kid a choice, perfectly happy to be the bearer of bad news. This operates on many levels I’m sure, but I have a feeling it has something to do with him being hailed a saint and a war hero only to be tortured and branded a monstrosity (and he probably thinks being a vampire is doubly monstrous). He’s more comfortable being hated because he feels it’s what he deserves in a lot of ways.

Jeanne has a lot of internalized self-hatred because of what he's done, and because of how much harm was inflicted on him outside of his control (he's Catholic and he was tortured, come on this writes itself). If I'm honest, I think that's actually the greater part of why he hates Comte lmao. Comte refuses the very concept of being cruel no matter how much Jeanne lashes out. Sure he lectures him and scolds him, but he never actively limits what's important to him or controls or harms him. Comte fully realizes the tragedy of how Jeanne's life was used by a nation in dire straits, and knows he needs time and acceptance to heal. No matter how dismal or unhappy, Comte doesn't stop--he fully believes Jeanne should have time in his life where he can really live for himself for once. But therein lies the issue, Jeanne doesn't know how to live for himself.

Which brings me to how MC and Comte "heal" Jeanne. I feel like they give him the space he needs to recover, and that's what results in his gentled temperament and happiness. Remember that so much of his main story is MC endlessly chasing after Jeanne. No amounts of his hissing or running or threatening stops her. Even if his refusals are empty of real dislike, they're enough to deter most people. Not MC. She's able to see through to the depths of who he is, and doesn't just use him for her own ends? She actively seeks to teach him (to read and write) to help him settle better in this era, she actively tries to ease his distaste for rain with a well-meaning bet, and she never gives up on him. (Actions mean so much more to him than words in general too, tbh...). Love is more easily defined by work and effort than it is by attraction.

When he has his episode at the festival, sure she's rattled; but that's because she truly believed that he didn't want to be around her anymore. When she notices he really doesn’t want to be followed, she stops like any normal person would. It’s only when she reads his notebook and sees the truth for herself (that he’s given up despite having the same feelings for her) that her determination is rekindled. She doesn't approach him fearfully, doesn't treat him like he's made of glass either. She just wants him as he is--accepts and loves him as he is. Scarred, bloody, exhausted, abrasive, terrified. She doesn't define him by how easy he is to love. That is a huge issue with traumatized people lmao. Because of their maturity, people always just assume they don't need help, or they rely on them to an extent that isn't sustainable. The second they reveal need or that they struggle, people walk away or victim blame them because it’s easier than taking them seriously.

While MC's attempts may be a little more obvious (cherishing his lily field, wearing the hair pin he gave her, careful about his gruesome injury, really listens when he talks about the horrors of his life and accepts that he experienced a level of agony/terror she can never understand, tries to express her feelings no matter his evasion) I think it's also important to consider Comte's large scale effort. I don't say this to undermine MC, I say it because Jeanne's life was defined by a complete lack of security. He left his parents to make their lives easier, he lived in a war that meant life or death any second, and his country's leader branded him a traitor which lead to his endless torture and public execution. Jeanne does not know a life in which safety is the norm. Point blank. He does not understanding going outside and not expecting the worst anymore.

Comte not only understands that level of despair, but treats it with dignity and respect. He fully accepts being hated if it means Jeanne can use that hatred to live on and find a way to heal. And most importantly, when Jeanne begins to move forward with MC and Mozart's help, Comte never once holds it against Jeanne when the truth is revealed. He's not angry, this isn't about reprisal or reparations or revenge. It's just love.

Jeanne doesn't really have a concept of this? His entire life was mostly transactional, defined by strength and efficiency. Nobody gives a damn about your feelings. You either hurl yourself at the problem or die. Nobody is going to help you or carry you or save you. While he may have had a little more support while he was in the military from his fellow soldiers, that support system was ripped away from him during the Inquisition.

One very common sentiment regarding elongated imprisonment and torture is that survival occurs in pairs. It is an undeniable fact that people need others to survive. It is the nature of who we are. Individualism has never proven to be successful, or if it is, its dividends are astronomically minimal when compared to people working together.

What does it mean to be the most reliable, steady person in the room? Usually it just means you don't know how to ask for help when you are no longer capable of maintaining that stance. Napoleon is guilty of it. Leonardo, Comte, and Jeanne all are too. It's part of why MC and Comte's capacity to see what he needs and provide as much as they can is such a big deal. That sort of consistent support (without a constant necessity to beg for help) allows Jeanne to be able to re-integrate into his new reality and find joy. Even if his nightmares and memories never go away, they are now being actively overrun by positive experiences. That's the thing about recovery, really--it tends to be more about drowning out the negative as much as possible and coming to terms with it, than it is about forgetting or never feeling it again. It’s about softening the sharp edges of pain like sea glass.

So is MC magical and randomly got Jeanne to open up? Nah, I don't think so. I think it was a series of persistence and real acceptance of who he is that made him warm up. People really seem to underestimate how deeply affecting understanding is, but that's how damage is undone. Jeanne can't really linger on the idea of his own monstrousness, his unworthiness, a lifetime of misery, when the person in front of him actively listens and cares about him. Makes him laugh and smile and lose himself in warmth for the first time.

If I'm honest, I feel like people also just...underestimate the level of traumatic resurgence that's perpetuated and inflicted by society’s standards in general lmao. This rhetorical structure in which good and bad exist in moral extremes, this idea that people should be able to recover and never experience relapses or periods of sensitivity. The refusal to radically listen to people and their problems, and make active attempts--not matter how small--to mend/ease those hurt feelings. Granted there will always be people in the world who do not want to improve, but I feel like most people want to. It's hopelessness, silence, and stigmatization that remain the true enemies of traumatized/mentally ill people everywhere. And among that population are always war veterans...

[mc-critical]

your analysis of selim? i think he's hated way more than he deserves. hating him for valid reasons is fine but telling that he's gonna be such a bad sultan is really stupid [and especially because only now do they bring out history & say selim was bad which is historically inaccurate as well]. out of all of suleyman's sons, it was only mustafa who was loved by all & talented [show only cuz apparently mehmet was also extremely talented & selim wasn't a bad sultan] enough for the throne. bayezid was extremely hotheaded and you can't tell me that a prince who can't control his emotions, especially in front of state officials, will be a good sultan. everyone tells selim was extremely selfish & the instigator of all their fights, when they were younger & older. siblings are always like that?? mustafa obviously wasn't like that because he was way older than mehmet, mihrimah, selim, bayezid & cihangir to get into stupid fights w/ them. mehmet & mihrimah had frequent & annoying arguments because they were closer in age. selim & bayezid had frequent fights because they were closer in age. this is a thing with many siblings; the elder provoking the younger & the younger disrespecting the elder. why do people point out their sibling fights as evidence for selim's personality? i feel sorry for bayezid as a kid but i feel less remorse for him as he's older. i don't say he deserves execution, especially at the hands of his own father, but he did rebel against his father's order & then proceeded to flee to another empire; like, the punishment for that is execution, what did he expect after rebelling? i feel extremely sorry for all his sons though, they didn't deserve this fate when they were just victims of their father's rebellion. also, unpopular opinion but bayezid is lowkey overrated pls don't cancel me i love him but he's annoying at times like all characters & no one really acknowledges it back to selim, he was honestly very underrated. he was really slandered in the series and he didn't have any real support w/ him until nurbanu & sokollu. although hurrem did vouch for him to go to manisa, it was literally only because he was 'peaceful' [we can read that as untalented as well] and no harm would reach him because he wasn't a threat [i actually really liked this plan of hurrem's, tough & clever; only if she was actually supported in this]. even mihrimah, till the end, is quite unfair to him. he had a problem w/ alcohol & people telling him to just stop? like, it doesn't work that way? people have to suffer so much in order to stop their addictions & they're actually restricted from their addictions; selim was a prince, no one around him could restrict him [his parents could but they weren't w/ him in his provinces]. he did become politically active w/ nurbanu's growing ambitions & he took smarter, more cunning & dirtier measures than bayezid to win the throne. the battle for the throne was bloody; resorting to honour like mustafa did was obviously not the best decision & people insult selim for being cunning enough [or being influenced by cunning people] to win the throne. let's also keep in mind that selim didn't even have much of an interest for the throne until manisa & nurbanu. i also like his relationship w/ nurbanu. it paralleled suleyman & hurrem's w/ the concubine arcs but selim did end up being monogamous to her in the show. their chemistry was fantastic [props to engin & merve for their acting] and although i don't really enjoy the 'a woman makes a man strong & influences him in everything; good or evil' kind of take, i did enjoy their relationship [he also sometimes looked at her like she was this ethereal type miracle, appropriately so w/ her courage]. i like what the show did w/ bayezid's execution a lot, the whole scene was such a wonderful cinematic experience; the music, bayezid's agonizing screams, his sons falling one by one, selim crying because he didn't want it to end up this way, bayezid falling & his screams ceasing, selim's heartbroken face because he was always a soft person & he always loved bayezid;

ahh, what a scene, so much love for it. anyway, that's just my opinion; i think he's hated way more than he deserves, especially in comparison to other characters & he's actually one of my most favourite characters from s4 [but i honestly love all characters w/ their good & bad, mc has many complex characters & i live for it]. what do you think about selim? sorry if you got annoyed at the long ask, i can get really heated when talking about selim [especially in reference to his historical figure], hope you don't mind if❤ [if it is annoying i'll stop it]

(okay, I'll talk strictly about the show, since I don't feel like delving deep into historical waters. There is still stuff we don't know for sure and I do want to keep the line between show and history in my head, except for the similar themes.)

While he isn't particularly my favorite character, I appreciate MC Selim and he is a very interesting subject when it comes to analyzing him. I'm actually amazed with what the show did with him in the span of a season (and something, counting some S02B and S03B moments) - he was one of the most fleshed out characters in S04 and we could get a clear picture as to why he does what he does.

Some people consider his debut to be an insult, for it immediately showed some of his weaknesses, putting him in a bad light right out of the gate. But all I can see in this debut is a showcase of his predicament of the prince no one sees as a capable heir of the throne. It’s as if he sleeps with women and drinks as a coping mechanism he’s delved into, with Mihrimah having to do effort to snap him out of it. The Selim we see in the beginning of S04 is a hopeless person. He doesn’t have dreams and ambitions, it’s as if he’s a already a lost cause and he has no one to truly support him. Even Hürrem wanted to send him to Manisa not because she deemed him as worthy, but to use him as a shield in order to deceive her enemies and protect the actual favorite. That may seem like a clever plan, but in actuality, it failed spectacularly - not only did her enemies not get confused for a second and didn’t attack Selim at all, but she forgot to tell Bayezid why she did it and made Selim confused to the point of demotivation, because none of his brothers were truly happy with this decision and they were all opposing it, directly and indirectly. And while he may not show it that much, because of his more composed and pragmatic nature, Selim is sensitive to the opinions of his brothers and the people around him and their prevailing disapproval may be a part of why he became so different than the rest. It’s like no one wanted to get to know him.

Nurbanu’s entrance in Selim’s life is very cathartic in this aspect, for she actually worked with him and gave him the needed motivation and ambition to fight, awaking sides of him that were dormant for a long time. And yes, I do think that Selim’s pragmatism is something he always had, if the whole arrow incident in S03B where he sabotaged Bayezid’s arrow, which caused him to lose is any indication. 

{I don’t think that the quarrels Selim and Bayezid had when they were little are so much indicators of Selim’s personality as they are foreshadowing of their future conflict. Right, these quarrels are normal for siblings and Mehmet and Mihrimah also fought like that (heck, even little Mehmet and Mustafa had a fight once in S01 and that fight was used as the conflict of the remainder of that one episode), but they weren’t as frequent as the ones of Selim and Bayezid. I don’t know, it’s just the atmosphere of these scenes was different and hinted at something more. It could be because we know the historical events and we could see every tiniest bit of early sibling rivalry between them as build-up, but still, I always felt there just was something else. Like the whole arrow incident I mentioned, a presumably harmless little situation gains a whole other meaning later on. It sets up neatly Süleiman’s opinions of both of them (his reaction to apparent disobedience and the making of a scene by someone he doesn’t expect to, by which I mean Bayezid), Hürrem’s retroactive ignorance of a possible bigger enmity and the roots of the whole conflict. It’s not Selim deciding to sabotage Bayezid’s performance as a last resort, maybe knowing that he surely won’t do better than his brother (doing a pretty typical ,,prank’’ for a little, naughty kid) that is exemplary of his cunning later, it’s his validation and him getting away with it that eventually becomes it, just like how he ends up getting away with stuff in the next season. Selim definetly isn’t the instigator of all the fights, especially because Bayezid, thanks to his more impulsive nature, is much more likely to start a fight in the first place and contrasts to Selim’s overall better composure. Provokations among them were mutual and both were consistently throwing darts at each other, one after another. Their conflict is a very nuanced issue: while people try to play right and wrong, both sides were at fault one way or another. The conflict between them is mostly caused by insensitivity, favoritism and ignorance and the desperation of both to try to prove themselves to their parents and win their support, at the end of the day. Why did they always calm down in front of their mother? Not only because of their joint respect for her, but also because of these same attempts to earn her support. Even Bayezid, who obviously had to be sure of her support, wasn’t completely certain of it after Hurrem turned it on Selim for a while. Selim, on the other hand, obviously never felt her support, it’s like something was missing right from the start. Combine that with their completely opposing personalities and the whole system encouraging competition for the throne and there you have the inevitable ultimate conclusion. That’s why I also love the set-up, the pay-off and the aftermath of Bayezid’s execution. It may be historically inaccurate that Selim, not Süleiman, executed Bayezid, but when you think about it, it was the most logical thing that could’ve happened, ending their conflict with a heart-wrenching bow. I love the scene of the execution itself, too - the action, the dialogue, the direction, the character moments, the themes... I don’t know whether Selim loved Bayezid by that point, per say, after all they went through, but it was clear that he knew that he had to do it, that it couldn’t have ended any other way, but he was broken over it. He was aware that it was, ultimately, a sin, which would continue haunting him. He couldn’t catch a break afterwards, he couldn’t stop. All was solved, but at what cost?}

I love his dynamic with Nurbanu - they balanced each other off so well, their chemistry was amazing, such a power couple. Nurbanu’s biggest contribution is hiding some of his flaws and mobilizing him to fight. Her cold pragmatism ,,grounds’’ Selim’s softer side, she’s there to always remind him of the stakes of the game and to shut off the last ounces of his vulnerabilities after Hurrem died. He sure is influenced by her, but that doesn’t mean that he blindly takes her word for everything - he is always ready to call her out when necessary and assure her that there are lines she shouldn’t cross. Despite of her pleas, he kept having affairs with other women (that is honestly a trend with all the men of the show, but still..), he got mad at her after what happened to Huricihan and most notably, after he found out that she possibly stole his mother’s ring. A part of why their dynamic works so well is precisely this strenght of character and their awesome compatibility. 

I have heard affirmations that Selim doesn’t care about Mustafa, which... simply isn’t true? While they have the least scenes together and Selim is the one that considers him most as a rival and his most dangerous competitor for the throne (which would explain his startled reaction after Musti saved him from the janissary), it’s precisely Mustafa’s death that is the turning point of his character arc. He was upping his game slowly but surely and before then, but he didn’t do much in terms of attacks. Neither Selim, nor Nurbanu once considered attacking Mustafa, the supposed biggest danger to them, which I find respectable and admirable. The bomb with the death drops and then every hope about a fair game is abandoned. Selim gets the realization that being honorable won’t work. The only way to win is bend the system and play dirty. There’s no time for sitting around or looking nice. And even though Nurbanu realized this, too, as well as Selim, Nurbanu was always more inclined to act this way than him and now the righteousness of her methods were only getting confirmed. It was Selim that had to reach this end. Discovering that he is no longer allowed to show any kind of weakness. Every chance that appears on the horizon, he’ll take it. That brings him to his first true dirty plan - the trap he set through the fake Mustafa rebellion.

Speaking of which, the worst deed of Selim’s for me is connected to that rebellion. I know I may be very biased in this regard, since it affects my personal favorite character and isn’t as recalled as others, but I hated when, in Selim and Sokollu’s attempts to wash their hands from the pulled off stunt, Sokollu, his man, told SS that Mahidevran was giving money to the rebellion. Okay, it’s not said outright whether is this directly tied to Selim or it was something Sokollu himself came up with out of desperation or something (though it was hinted that both thought something through in a scene where both were saying that they should come clean out of this all somehow) and it’s not outrightly confirmed whether Mahidevran gave the money or not (I highly doubt she did it; not only because it would destroy her whole S04 arc and she would become, well... MCK Gulbahar, but also because after the messenger told her of her alleged blame in E129, her eyes widened in surprise.), but all it does is be the only explicit case where Selim indeed looks bad, for his proposal to return Mahidevran in the castle doesn’t seem to stem from genuine guilt and remorse, but rather a late and empty attempt to placate his own conscience. Oh, not to mention (for the upteenth time, sorry in advance) how the scene back in E58 where Hurrem tells Mahidevran that her kids will be there taking care for her when she’s alone, which was treated as some big foreshadowing in the show, as well, by both the voice of the S02B narrative and the fandom alike, loses its value even more with that framing, because Selim and Sokollu themselves brought her to this state in the first place!!! Despite it making sense anyway, it’s still such a disservice to Selim as a person both inside and outside of the writing. 

One aspect of Selim’s pragmatism I find most interesting is his ability to turn his enemies into allies, knowing exactly how to amass them and get them on his side, be it through giving them more money and promising them the world. These alliances are all opportunistic in nature and may not be as loyal as those of Mustafa’s or of Mustafa’s people (like Atmaca) with Bayezid, but I think Selim knows this and wants to keep them steady enough for the common goal. As for what kind of a padisah he’ll be.... I believe that state matters would be the least of his concerns, since he was shown to not care so much about them, compared to his other brothers (but then again, the show itself doesn’t put the political capability of the princes at center stage - their personal virtues are always the determining factor of what makes a good padisah and what doesn’t, more of a psychological outlook, if you will.) and he perhaps won’t plan as many campaigns or conquer as many territories, maybe he won’t be that successful at all, but his cunning would bring him advantage in front of his people, he will be at least a bit careful of who he’s choosing and won’t simply lose it in front of everyone, compared to Bayezid’s impulsive temper.

[I love Bayezid as a character, but the shadier aspects of his personality sure tend to be overlooked. While his anger is directed mainly at Selim and Suleiman, it often reaches such extremes to the point it becomes destructive and affects everyone. He doesn’t deserve his execution at all and most of his actions stem from a very sympathetic place, given how SS never truly gave him a chance and he went on the inevitable path, because he, just like Selim, realized that honor won’t work in this war, but took the opposite approach from Mustafa, direct rebellion. And predictably, both approaches didn’t work since Bayezid, too, was taken advantage of. While he didn’t get justice, the lead-up to his execution is a character arc of his and there are many reasons and events linking it all together and showing us why it took place the way it did.]

Selim’s dynamic with Suleiman is proof of how you can be presumably favored, but you have to work to get there. The reasons Suleiman favored him are very telling and sad and we see that he also doesn’t favor him because of any and all capabilities he may have, but because of his self-imposed distorted view of loyalty Selim has to do a lot to preserve, actually. He constantly has to make it so it looks like he’s loyal and obedient and doesn’t work behind his back. He doesn’t get the fullest appreciation from his father, as well, and I certainly feel it impacts him, in a way.

I agree that Mihrimah could be unfair to Selim. They weren’t that close and she had this open preference to Bayezid. Most annoyingly is when, in their confrontation in E139, which highlights even more their parallel sins, Mihrimah doesn’t seem to face that sin of hers when Selim calls her out on it. She has a reason to deeply resent him after what he did to Bayezid, but was offended when he reminded her of the crime she also committed. More solidarity on that front would be a bit better, at least a hint of like recognizing like even for a moment. (but maybe then her scene with Mahidevran later wouldn’t be as impactful? Huh.)

And lastly, about his drinking - Nurbanu tried to restrict him, but it’s true that such habits aren’t easy to give up on, especially knowing how his drinking is a coping mechanism as much as it is something he enjoys. He knows he shouldn’t do it, he’s told he shouldn’t do it, but he can’t help it. He doesn’t drink when he’s planning or scheming, but he keeps on doing it more and more with every problematic action of his. It’s an attempt to supress his otherwise strong conscience to the max, seeing how after his brother’s execution he apparently always took a drink when he was alone at night, fighting an inner conflict with himself. I don’t think there was a way he could stop doing it permanently in the show. It was a part of who he was, unfortunately or not. 

[avidrawsthings]

Why to this day I still believe Rowan deserved better

This was meant to be an observation on several characters in Hogwarts Mystery, but Rowan's entry took over lol I'll cover the others in a separate post since this one's already gonna be lengthy.

Spoilers for Year 6 included!

Short version: They didn't get the chance to grow and develop in the way they should've, and what became of them following Year 6 never sat right with me.

Long version below the cut:

Rowan is the character most of us expected would grow into the nerdy best friend that would eventually break out of their shell and become awesome in their own right. All of the signs were there, but as we all know how the game progressed, that was no longer the case.

It became evident they weren't going to be Hogwarts' youngest professor since there's no hint of them during the Harry Potter years. Some suspected something bad might've happened, while others (like myself) felt that they simply chose a different career path or became professor at another school.

NOPE

Rowan was the first character we mastered our friendship with and after the first 3-4 years, were barely included in the plot. As the player, we literally had no choice as we were forced to spend less and less time with them. The Celestial Ball was possibly the only event where Rowan truly shined in my opinion, and in my playthrough with Reina I always made the choices where I'd spent the most time with them.

Not only is the player not given a choice in interacting with Rowan, but then you get guilt tripped for it when Rowan calls out MC in Year 5 for only reaching out to them when they needed something.

(OUCH lol)

Personally, I found that to be rather jarring and unfair, not just to Rowan but to the player. Rather than forcing the player to not interact with them, why not give the player the option in doing so? Rowan's comment above would've been far more justified if the player intentionally chose to ignore them.

By Year 6, players noted Rowan was seen sitting alone and sad in places like the Library and The Three Broomsticks. When you get around to talking to them later on, this is elaborated on by them saying their mutual friends were more MCs friends which never made sense to me. Their friends cared for Rowan just as much as they did MC. Barnaby commented at one point that Rowan was a great friend and excellent tutor.

Then that dreaded event happens in Chapter 18 and just like that, Rowan's gone.

(No, I'm not posting the screenshot of their dead body. The face they made still creeps me the hell out.) - Screenshot taken from Reddit

Needless to say, most of us certainly didn't see this coming. I know I didn't. Even some of Rowan's biggest haters were shocked at where this headed (I'm sure there was the handful that celebrated but they're irrelevant). While I was already starting to lose interest in the game because the gameplay became so TEDIOUS for me, this was what drove me to officially stop playing altogether. The only times I do play is for either the Quidditch chapters or some of the Side Quests.

By this point in time I was at the final quarter of Year 5 (second time around with Reina after the previous file got corrupted and erased), and to this day I haven't touched the main storyline. I'll be honest, seeing that "friendship is forever" above is kind of insulting considering the player was never given a choice. Rowan only became relevant again after being murdered and that has always rubbed me the wrong way. Remember how we were lead to believe the casualty was going to be Ben, since in the prior chapter he made it clear he wasn't afraid of dying?

The Head Boy/Girl TLSQ further cemented my feelings on this matter (didn't play it but I saw the screenshots from those that did). Sure, it adds a layer of tragedy depending on who you ask, but overall I never liked this development. With the way several other characters received some form of development over time (Talbott and Chiara anyone?), having what became of Rowan cements my belief that we were robbed of great potential.

THEY DESERVED BETTER

-Screenshot taken from Google

To this day I feel this encounter is what sealed Rowan's fate. At the time this chapter came out, Ben and Rowan were the least popular characters.

Feel free to add on to this if you like!

One more thing to add, you're free to disagree with Jam City's writing, but for the love of decency, sending death threats their way isn't the way to do it. Just don't.

[sheep-mc]

As promised from yesterday...

Yesterday following my not-so-brief rant post, I stated that I’d follow up the travesty of that event with a more in-depth analysis and more collected thoughts. That is what awaits you under the cut! Be warned though, there are going to be major spoilers for the event (and possibly things that occur from lesson 20 and prior)

First I’m going to give a summary of the event and how I view it. This is mostly for those of you who haven’t played the event yet, so you can understand why the community is so angry about it. If you’ve already played, feel free to skip the next 3 paragraphs.

It starts out with Lord Diavolo suggesting a party to improve the bonds between the exchange students and the student council. Asmodeus suggests that everyone should dress up - but nothing big, just small angel wings and such. Diavolo shakes his head and says that everyone should go all out, because if you’re going to dress up, you may as well go all the way. Several of the brothers (Mammon, Lucifer, Belphegor) express disdain for this, saying that they don’t want to get dressed up, but Diavolo uses his own magic to put them into outfits anyway. Not just any outfits. Their old Celestial Realm outfits. Simeon then mentions that Michael has given him a gift to give to the brothers, as a thank you for them treating the angels so well. The gift is only for the brothers, not MC, not Diavolo, just the brothers. Simeon aware of the effect the bangles will have on the brothers. He does not tell them this until they’ve put it on. He knows fully well that the bangles will cause them to act in more “righteous ways”. The bangles then react unexpectedly with Diavolo’s magic, causing the outfits and bangles to become irremovable. That is to say, they cannot take them off. It was forced upon them when several of them clearly showed that they did not want to go along with this, and now they cannot undo it. That’s the first issue.

After this, Diavolo still decides that he wants to hold the party, and Simeon agrees. The preparations continue nonetheless. Throughout the event, we speak to the brothers as they’re preparing for the party. Here we’re shown that the brainwashing of the bangles is gradual, not immediate. Mammon is able to resist it slightly at first, claiming that he’s going to cut the clothes off of him. Once he grabs the scissors, his behavior changes. He decides that what he’s doing is dangerous and instead goes to put the scissors away. This action scares Leviathan, who fears that they’re all going to turn out like Mammon and that he doesn’t want that to happen. When we’re alone with Lucifer and Satan, the bangles have only started to affect them, but it hasn’t fully kicked in. They express that they don’t like the situation at all and that they don’t feel like themselves, ending their interactions by telling MC to leave them alone because they don’t want to be seen like this. Speaking to the rest of the brothers, the effects of the bangles have been fully realized. Leviathan has put away all of his obsessions, offering a Ruri-Chan figure to MC because he ”doesn’t need it anymore”. He goes on to say that he was hiding behind anime and manga and that from now on he will work on nurturing his relationships with his brothers and being honest with MC about his feelings. Even if MC rejects him or calls him gross, he doesn’t get upset. This is obviously out of character for our beloved otaku.

The rest of the brothers suffer a similar fate. Beelzebub no longer feels hungry, claiming that instead of feeding himself, he wishes to feed others and see them happy. He says that he wants to be kinder, implying that he wasn’t kind enough before - which is fucking bullshit because holy shit this is Beel we’re talking about are you fucking kidding me you don’t think Beel was kind enough he was literally the nicest of the brothers what the fuck are you on about - ANYWAY. Belphegor goes on to say that he was wasting his life by sleeping it away, and that all of his brothers are good and that he wants to spend more time with them. He doesn’t want to take naps anymore, unless prompted by MC, and he says that he used unfair tactics when trying to win MC’s love. He also says that he won’t be doing that anymore, and is instead going to do things “the fair way”. Asmodeus offers you all of his beauty products, claiming that he was trying too hard to be beautiful before. If you choose to kiss him, he’ll go along with it, but say that he feels like he’s betraying his brothers and being unfair and sneaky. For some reason, I can’t recall much of Mammon’s interaction for the life of me. I remember him saying that he was mean and rude and greedy and shameless before, and how he wants to change to be a better person now, but I don’t remember the second half of the interaction. I just know it was bad. The event ends with the party being held, Diavolo and Simeon smiling and laughing, Solomon and Luke being concerned, and Lucifer overcoming the power of the bangle. Well, that’s what Lucifer says, but I believe he was lying.

Here’s my actual opinions on it:  It was fucked up! I left this bit out of the summary, but all of the brothers (after Lucifer and Satan) express that they don’t want to do anything unless you’re okay with it. They want to be someone good enough that you’d approve of it. They don’t want to upset their brothers. All in all, they’re prioritizing the thoughts and feelings of others over their own. They express hatred for their past selves, condemning their actions and interests as shameful and wrong. Even their most harmless actions. They got rid of every single bit of their own personality in order to “purify” themselves. This ideology is the exact embodiment of toxic positivity and it’s revolting. I would also like to focus more on how all of the brothers (except for Asmodeus and Beelzebub) showed that they didn’t like this idea. for the most part, they were strongly against it. Satan, who according to this event, has never been an angel, says that he doesn’t feel like himself at all. He shows the most fear towards the effects of the bangle and quite frankly it’s just. Disturbing to see someone like Satan so afraid. Lucifer tries to hide his worry, but his thoughts are similar to Satan’s, since he also says that he can’t rest because he doesn’t feel like himself.

Some of you might think that the changes were good or harmless or whatever, and you might have appreciated the fact that they’re trying to change for the better, but realize this: their change was forced. They didn’t do it of their own free will, they didn’t have any experiences that caused them to think or feel this way. It was all forced. They’ve been brainwashed. They are not doing this of their own accord. It’s not them. They are not themselves.

And this is not a side effect of the Celestial Realm or being an angel! If you’ve played through certain cards devilgram story (Belphegor’s “Hatred” or Lucifer’s “Glory Days”) you can see that the brothers are still themselves even though they are angels. They still have their personality and are not completely “holy” or “pure” or “righteous”. This is specifically a result of the bangles. If this had been part of the main story it would have been interesting. It could have been more thought out and well written and had a conclusive ending. So where am I going with this?

I believe that the devs had good intentions but executed them poorly. This is an event, meaning it’s non-canon and not related to the main story. I think that the devs wanted to show how toxic the beliefs of the angels can be, and they did good on that. That was genuinely disturbing to play through. What they’re missing is criticism. If the brother’s had returned to their normal selves and said “what the fuck was that”, then it would have been okay. If they had focused more on how wrong and weird the changes were, and how it’s actually bad, then that would have been a satisfying conclusion. But they didn’t. Well, there was one brother that supposedly returned to his normal self, right? Lucifer.

At the party, Lucifer tells MC that he’s returned to his normal self, but admittedly the clothes still cannot be removed. He shows that he didn’t enjoy the experience, but as he’s watching the rest of his brothers still controlled by the bangles, he...doesn’t do anything. He says that it’s interesting and that they should let it play out a bit more, just to watch them. Now, I am not a Lucifer simp. My MC has copious issues with him. However. This characterization is just PLAIN FUCKING WRONG! WHAT?! What were the devs thinking?! That’s Lucifer! He cares about his brothers above all else in this world! He was strongly against the angel outfit and bangle idea! He said that it made him feel unlike himself! Lucifer has experienced the brainwashing of the bangle first hand! He would never, EVER say something like that when he KNOWS how serious it is. Yes, he is a sadist. Yes, he likes to joke sometimes. But this? He would be way more concerned for them. Which is why I believe he was still under the effects of the bangle. I don’t have a full theory for how much it was affecting him at that point in time, but that will probably come about later.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the event thus far! It’s possible that the next event will have a callback to this one (considering how this one mentioned TSL: The Musical) but I highly doubt it. I also don’t think that there’s going to be continuation of this in the main story. I doubt we’ll ever get our resolution, but if you want one, I plan on rewriting the entire event on my Wattpad. I’ll announce it when I finish posting it, so feel free to follow for that or just check it out later. My dms should be open and obv you can comment/reblog on this post so if you want to discuss this more, feel free to intract!

[ethanramseyyy]

OPEN HEART : SECOND YEAR CHAPTER 3

Im not going to say too much about this but I HATE DECLAN NASH. Also since when was he an old enemy. Bitch please. Declan nearly made us lose our medical licence he will never be an “old enemy”.

Anywaysss let’s talk about his backstory. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love this chapter however I still agree that it is unfair on people not romancing Ethan. “I could do significantly worse than you”. So am I the only one who literally nearly fainted in this moment. He basically just told us that he loves having us around and you want me to act like I’m fine. Sis not happening.

The smirks and the hand touches. The amount of times we’ve got a choice that say ‘touch his hand’ and ‘place your hand on top of his’ is ridiculous but thats not stopping from picking it every. Single. Time.

WE FELL INTO HIS ARMS. I believe this was a metaphor for us falling in love with Ethan. I’m being dramatic (obvs) but the look. And the fact he was fighting to hold himself back. There’s no need to fight it hunny we are all waiting for a 30 diamond scene. Is he forgetting about the time he literally said and I quote ‘ I want you’.

PAPA RAMSEY. we knew it. I love Ethan’s dad. I feel like he is the perfect character to be Ethan’s dad. If that even makes sense. I might be completely stupid for saying this but in my mind Ethan’s dad was always the one that disapproved of him and i always thought he was the one Ethan hated but now it’s his mother who walked out. And also I thought he didn’t really talk to his parents yet it said that he frequently visits his dad. Anywaysss I thought the scene where we tried to find Ethan was so so so cute and I loved that we got to find out abit more about my future husband.

Ethan told his dad our FRICKIN nickname. ROOKIE. I repeat he told his dad that he calls us rookie. Is this man trying to kill me or what?!

I think the coffee shop scene was a very good introduction to a new storyline howeverrr if you didn’t pick the diamond scene did you still find out about Ethan and his mother. I think that the diamond scenes were so good and added so much to this chapter and to the backstory of our mans Ethan.

I really love that @playchoices is giving us what we want buttt I do have a bone to pick. I feel like open heart 2 has been very focused on Ethan and believe me I’m loving it. HOWEVER. It’s totally unfair on the other LIs. Correct me if I’m wrong but there’s been basically no scenes with Jackie or Bryce and don’t even get me started on them removing Rafael as a love interest. I think it’s so so unfair on the other LI stans. But I do understand this book was made to focus on the kind of ‘teacher student’ affair between MC and Ethan but that doesn’t mean you can shut off the people who choose not to follow that root. Open Heart 1 gave all LIs equal scenes in all chapters and I just feel like Open Heart 2 so far is only about Ethan. I’m not moaning but I just hope the other LI stans get to learn about their backstories and get cute diamond scenes with them. I know it’s only early days but I just feel like Open Heart 2 was so anticipated and everyone was so excited to play with their LI and unfortunately some people haven’t even had a chance to have a diamond scene with them. But once again I know it’s only early days. Please don’t come for me. I’m rooting for you @playchoices .Rant over.

Overall i personally loved this new chapter and can’t wait for next weeks. Hopefully, we get to learn more about Ethan’s mum and the fate of Edenbrook. Let me know your thoughts and opinions.

[bitchloveskcbaseball]

Becalmed

Pairing: Edward x MC

Tides of Fate Part 3

Part 1: Losing Resolve | Part 2: Rifts Apart

Warnings: I’m sure there’s plenty of curse words in here...

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry

“You can’t do this!”

“The hell I can’t! I’m the captain of Poseidon’s Revenge! Tis my right to decide who stays aboard.”

“Edward. Please!”

The way Peyton’s voice had cracked nearly broke him, but he wouldn’t give in. He couldn’t. “My decision is final!”

“Why? Please –“ She broke off as she took his hand in her own. “At least tell me why.”

Before Edward even realized what was happening, the words had slipped from his lips, “I can’t let any harm come to you.”

“Don’t you see? If you send me away, harm is exactly what will come to me.”

He scoffed, “I fail to see how sending you home would bring you harm.”

“It…” She hesitated on a soft sigh before continuing, “It would break my heart.”

Her words startled him and brought his gaze back to hers. Her bright, emerald eyes were shimmering with unshed tears and he felt as though he were drowning. He tried desperately to find some other meaning to her declaration because she surely couldn’t mean –

“I love you, Edward.”

Edward couldn’t believe his ears, convinced that he was dreaming. Even that seemed unlikely though, seeing as how she’d never uttered those words in his dreams either, despite how often visions of her in his arms seemed to haunt them. He had literally never dreamed she could feel this way about him.

“Please… Say something.”

It was finally sinking in that she was sitting here in front of him, giving him the one thing that he’d never dared hope for, yet his heart was breaking. He couldn’t let her stay any longer. Even without the threat of Robert’s return, it was too dangerous for her to be here. He’d just been living in denial, too desperate to be near her to accept the risk his selfishness was exposing her to. If the admiral were ever to find out just how much she’d come to mean to him, there’d be nowhere for her to hide. No way for him to keep her safe. And Edward knew that he’d never survive if something happened to her, especially if it was because of him.

“My answer remains. Tis not safe for you here. Even more so now that Robert is also after us.”

“It’s no more dangerous for me than it is the rest of the crew. Why am I the only one being sent away?”

He knew it was unfair, but Edward was afraid he was going to lose this battle with her, so he waved a hand towards her right side, “You clearly are not cut out for the rougher side of pirate life.”

Eyes flashing, Peyton hissed, “How dare you? How fucking dare you? Have I not held my own up til now? Have I not proven that I am a valuable member of this crew? Even Charlie was injured during the mutiny! Now I’m being punished because I was sucked through a damn time portal and was caught off guard?”

“The how of it all matters none. You are severely injured, meaning you’ll be of no use to us in a fight. You’ll not be able to navigate, either. What possible contribution do you have left?” The words tasted vile as they spewed from his lips, knowing he didn’t mean any of it. He just needed to hurt her enough, make her angry enough that she’d want to leave.

“Fuck you, Edward. The only goddamn reason you even know that Robert is coming back – with a crew that would’ve outnumbered us by at least half before the mutiny – is because of me. The only reason we found the fucking cargo ship is because of me.”

Edward filed the information about Robert’s crew away for later, knowing they were going to have to find some new recruits, and soon, if they were going to foil whatever plans he had and deal with the admiral. He also forced himself to ignore the way warmth flare in his chest when she said us instead of the crew. “That changes nothing. You are still going home.”

“Who do you think you are?!” Peyton was practically shrieking now, and he knew that if he wasn’t able to quiet her soon, the whole crew would be outside his door listening in.

“Peyton, please.”

“Don’t! Don’t choose to use my name now, you asshole. You don’t get to do this and then expect that I’ll just go along with it. This is bullshit and you know it. I refuse to go along with it just because you’re the goddamn captain.”

“That’s not…“ The look in her eyes, the hurt he could see clearly despite all her anger, was like a knife through his heart. The last of his resolve having vanished, he eased closer to her so that he could rest his forehead against hers. To his surprise, rather than fighting back or pulling away, she sat motionless as if daring him to continue. Realizing that there was no way he could keep up the pretense that he thought she wasn’t cut out for life aboard his ship, he switched tactics. His only hope remaining was that telling her the truth would sway her, so, keeping his eyes locked with hers, he muttered dejectedly, “I can’t lose you.”

Instantly, it seemed as though the fight left Peyton as he watched her expression soften and her muscles relax. Her hands came up to frame his face and his eyes slid closed at the contact. It was a moment he’d spent so much time longing for, but now that it was here, it was bittersweet. Because he knew with even more certainty than ever before that she could never truly be his.

“If you send me home, that’s exactly what you’d be doing.”

“But I could live with that. Because you’d be safe. Alive.”

“Edward…”

“Peyton…” He trailed off when her soft sigh fanned across his lips. He knew he shouldn’t but he no longer had the strength nor the will to resist, so he shifted slightly to brush his lips across hers.

Peyton let out a small whimper as her hands slid into his hair and her fingers got tangled in the length. The sound and the sensation tore a groan from his own throat and his hands came up so that one was cradling her neck while the other was pressing into the small of her back. He honestly wasn’t sure which of them deepened the kiss first, but it didn’t really matter. It was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before and now that he’d gotten a taste, he knew he’d never be able to get enough.

Peyton pulled away first, breaking Edward out of the daze he’d been in. “I’m so sorry, I – “

“No, don’t. Please don’t apologize. I…my heart wouldn’t survive that.”

“I just thought…”

“I just needed air. Breathing isn’t that easy while kissing on a normal basis, you know. Add in some broken ribs and it’s practically impossible.”

Edward ran his fingers through the hair at her temple. He could hear the joking tone in her voice, but he couldn’t help but worry that he’d been too rough with her. “I’m so sorry, I forgot all about your injury. Are you alright? Did I hurt you?”

She moved one of her hands up to cover his, pinning it against her cheek. “You didn’t hurt me. Kissing you could never hurt me.”

His eyes slid closed at the tenderness in her voice. And for the first time, he finally let himself admit the true depths of his feelings for this woman. I’m in love with her.

“Wait…do you…are you… Seriously?”

Eyes flying open at her wistful stuttering, Edward took in her wide-eyed, hopeful expression and realized he’d said the words out loud. His mouth opened to take it back, to tell her he was simply lost in the moment with her and that he didn’t really mean it, but he couldn’t force the words past his lips. After she’d been so honest with him about her feelings, how could he lie to her about his?

With a small, frustrated sigh, he answered, “I do.” He reasoned with himself that it didn’t matter if she knew now, since she’d be back in her own time soon.

“Oh, Edward.” This time it was Peyton leaning in, crashing her lips against his. Unlike their first kiss, this was desperate and hungry. Edward could no more have resisted it than he could have stopped himself from breathing. He gently eased them back so that Peyton could rest upon the pillows behind her, trying to keep her as comfortable as possible. He braced himself above her with a hand against the bed and used his free one to explore the curves of her body he’d spent far too much time staring at from afar, being sure to avoid her injured ribs. He inhaled each and every one of her little moans and whimpers of pleasure that slipped into his mouth, his own pleasure spiking with the sensation. He had no idea just how far he’d have let himself go, if not for the agonized groan she let out when she tried to arch up against him.

“Dammit, Peyton.”

Her hands came up to frame his face and forced him to meet her gaze. Despite her labored breathing, her tone was fierce as she insisted, “Don’t… Don’t you dare do that.” Before he could ask her what she was referring to, she added, “You know what I’m talking about. Don’t feel guilty about this. Not because you think we shouldn’t do this and most certainly not because I’m in pain.”

“But…”

“No. No buts. No shutting me out. I love you. Let me love you.”

Hearing her say again that she loved him had a low growl escaping him before he pressed his lips to hers again. This time was gentler, a sweet kiss meant to say the things he didn’t know how to put into words. When he pulled back just far enough to gaze into her eyes, the dazed look in them brought a small smile to his face.

Fingers playing with the hair at his temples, Peyton whispered, “So, what now?”

The smile slipped from Edward's lips and his eyes slid closed, not wanting to see the love in her eyes replaced by anger at what he was about to say. “You must return home.”

“Edward! How…how can you still say that?” Her voice was cracking, taking his heart right along with it.

“Peyton. You are still in danger here. More so than even I could have anticipated with Robert now comin’ for us. For you.”

“How do I not get a say in this?”

He let out a deep sigh, feeling his grip on his determination slipping. Before he could formulate a response and muster the strength to make it convincing, Peyton asked, “How do you even plan to send me home?”

With a start, Edward realized that he didn’t have a plan for that. He had known with absolute certainty that the only place that was safe enough for her was at home, in her own time, but he hadn’t considered that he didn’t know how to get her there.

“I…uh…I’ve not yet…” He trailed off as he took in the triumphant smirk spreading across Peyton’s lips. He wanted to be angry, furious even, at her blatant disregard for both her own safety and his own sanity, but the way her eyes were lit up with glee was making it damn near impossible.

“So…what you’re saying is, I get to stay?”

Part 4: White Flag

Tag List: @burnsoslow @anotherbeingsworld @mvalentine @rebel-alpaca @crazynutella @princess-geek @edgiestwinter

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

Am I able to request a short series or story of MC love triangle with Vivienne/Aurora or Alex/Medusa?

Written by @fakeyellow

Part 1: After the Kiss.

Alex’s eyes fill with alarm and then guilt upon seeing the heartbroken woman on her doorstep.

“I ended things with Medusa,” MC says, eyes bloodshot and puffy from tears, and Alex knows from her resolute voice that she needs to speak, that she just needs them to listen right now.

“It wasn’t fair-I,” MC pauses, her face contorting in pain as she tries desperately to find the right words.

“This doesn’t mean that I return your feelings. Gods, I don’t even know what my feelings are,” MC closes her eyes as if trying to restrain the tears that threaten to fall and she finally just exhales in defeat, “I just thought you should know.”

Alex nods and they cannot bring themselves to feel hopeful, not when the woman they love is so clearly hurting because of their actions.

“Thank you,” Alex murmurs seriously and their words cause MC to look up from her grief.

“I’m not asking you to wait for me-“

“I’ll wait,” Alex immediately interrupts and MC sees their eyes filled with such clear, unwavering love that she feels the tears spill over.

“I’ll always wait for you.”

Part 2:

Although MC wants nothing more than to stay at home, she is a consummate professional and she shows up to work the next day.

That said, she doesn’t think that seeing Alex daily will do herself any good and so she asks to be transferred to the archives department for the week.

Alex’s face fills with guilt and although it looks like they want to say something else, they approve her request with a small nod. MC can only be thankful for this small concession because in her state of mind, she doesn’t know what she’d do if Alex were to reach out to her, their hand on her shoulder, their eyes-

The archives are dark and musty but she’s never found its silence more welcoming. It is here in this quiet solitude that MC begins to work through her emotional storm of feelings.

And for all that she accepts Medusa’s past and all that she is, MC can’t help but chuckle bitterly that it is her own past that is causing this rift between them.

On one hand, she loves Medusa, she truly does. They’ve been through so much together, from the gangs ripping apart the city to Athena’s feud against Medusa. Her calm grey eyes are like a soothing poultice to her soul and MC feels safe and loved and seen in her arms.

But on the other hand, Alex has always been there. They were there to offer a hand and an understanding smile when MC scraped her knees and was trying her best to contain her tears, they were there to offer a shoulder to lean on, to cry on, when her mother had died, they were there to cheer her on when she first joined HERA following the footsteps of her mother…

Alex has always been a part of her life and oh how her traitorous heart had stirred upon their kiss.

— 

After each unfruitful day at work, MC goes home to her apartment. Although she’s slept in this bed for years without problem, she finds that it suddenly is too big and too empty and her eyes begin to water. 

It had only been recently that she’d moved into Medusa’s house and she’d never expected to be back in her apartment. Not like this.

She longs for the warmth of Medusa’s arms wrapped around her, she longs for a cup of tea always so lovingly prepared by Medusa, she longs to run to Medusa and declare that she only loves her, would only ever love her for all of her life.

But how can she? When part of her heart had awoken upon the touch of Alex’s lips on hers, when part of her heart beats rapidly for Alex the same as it does for Medusa..

She knows Medusa has been through so much; she’s seen firsthand how the Gods and monsters torment her due to age old grudges, unwilling to let the past be past. She’s seen the devastation that lies behind her cool, grey eyes, the vulnerability that still exists from when the world had abandoned her after her powers were stripped from her.

She hates herself for adding onto that pain, for causing Medusa such heartache, but she will not add lying to her list of crimes.

Her eyes flicker to her phone which lies temptingly on her nightstand and MC wonders what Medusa is doing right now. Is she similarly plagued with an inability to sleep or has she long since fallen asleep? Is she reading a book or is she out in the garden to calm herself?

But thoughts of Medusa quickly turn over to thoughts of Alex and MC feels an ache in her chest as if her heart has literally torn in half. She closes her eyes and resigns herself to a night of restless slumber. 

—

A week passes and her chest is still a Gordian knot of emotions (although MC can only wish her problems might be solved so easily by cutting her heart in two). 

But her heart also yearns to be out in the city again, working as a field agent, the position she’d worked so hard for, and so MC returns to the top floor.

The first face she sees upon her return is Alex and although her heart clenches with pain, she can also feel herself breathe easier. She’d missed them, even if it had only been a week.

It’s awkward at first but then they fall back into an easy rapport and it’s as if nothing has changed (except everything has changed and MC feels that keenly whenever they accidentally lock eyes for a second longer than needed and matching blushes appear on their faces).

When Medusa texts her one morning asking if she’s free for lunch, MC freezes only for Medusa’s next message to arrive, “As friends.”

MC accepts the offer and she’s nervous that entire morning until she goes out of the building and sees Medusa waiting for her.

Her breath is stolen away in that moment- how many times had she seen Medusa waiting for her in that exact spot?

Medusa spots her a second after MC does and her eyes light up in that same way it always did when they were dating and this almost breaks MC. She is seconds away from falling to her knees and sobbing and begging for Medusa to take her back but she takes a deep breath. 

By the time Medusa reaches her, MC has composed herself and she greets Medusa with a small smile before they make their way to the park. 

Part 3:

Weeks have passed since that fateful kiss and MC has still had no luck in trying to sort out her feelings; if anything, they’ve become even more entangled.

She goes to work with Alex everyday and most days she’ll go out for lunch with Medusa and the entire thing is just one big mess that MC knows she has to end because it’s unfair to keep stringing the both of them along like this.

But one night, she finds her sleep plagued with nightmares, tossing and turning until she awakes with a scream in her throat and a desperate need to see one person.

And something clicks into place, something that causes her to bolt from her bed and run all the way to a certain apartment.

She is panting by the time she arrives, ungraced with godly powers like so many of the people she loves, but she cannot stop, not when her heart is finally singing a truth she’s suppressed for so long.

By some stroke of luck, Alex opens the door, their eyes clear and alert as if they too had not been able to sleep.

“MC? What’s wrong?” Alex asks urgently, and MC knows that they would follow her to the ends of the earth if she asked.

It’s you,” MC says breathlessly, feeling as if her heart might burst, “It’s always been you.”

The alarm in Alex’s amaranth eyes disappear only to be replaced with such a familiar, affectionate warmth that MC wonders at how blind she must have been to have mistaken it for anything but love for so long.

Alex opens their arms as if too overcome to speak and needing no further encouragement, MC falls into their embrace.

And as they whispers their love into her hair, MC knows that something that feels this right cannot possibly be wrong.

Part 4: 

Medusa opens the door and MC does not have to speak because the guilt on her face is answer enough. She’d never been good at hiding her feelings.

Medusa feels her heart shattering but she suppresses it as best she can, pasting on a small, sad smile.

“So you’ve decided,” Medusa states and at MC’s silence, the last part of her heart that had held out hope that MC might deny it finally dies.

MC’s eyes shimmer with unspilled tears but she cannot let them fall, she cannot be so selfish as to cry when she is the reason for this pain, when Medusa is working so hard to keep her own emotions at bay.

“I’m sorry,” MC says and she winces at how paltry her words seem, how insufficient her apology seem against the heartbreak she’s caused.

“You deserve better,” MC continues to speak, fighting to get the words out because Medusa deserves to hear them, “You deserve someone who’ll love you unconditionally, someone who’ll never stop loving you no matter what. And I’m so sorry I couldn’t be that person for you but you deserve to find someone you love.”

Medusa does not speak and MC finally turns away.

And when MC has gone, her back but a speck in the distance, Medusa whispers, “I did.”

“I found you.”

[fabelyn]

Heaven Official’s Blessing: Why Read

“By the Heaven Official’s Blessing, No Paths are Bound!”

Official Summary: 

Eight hundred years ago, Xie Lian was the Crown Prince of the Xian Le kingdom. He was loved by his citizens and was considered the darling of the world. He ascended to the Heavens at a young age; however, due to unfortunate circumstances, was quickly banished back to the mortal realm. Years later, he ascends again–only to be banished again a few minutes after his ascension.Now, eight hundred years later, Xie Lian ascends to the Heavens for the third time as the laughing stock among all three realms. On his first task as a god thrice ascended, he meets a mysterious demon who rules the ghosts and terrifies the Heavens, yet, unbeknownst to Xie Lian, this demon king has been paying attention to him for a very, very long time.

Some noteworthy comments: 

Main couple is MalexMale, no explicit content, fully translated (244 chapters), by the same author as Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation. Major themes: fate, human nature, limits of goodness and tragic consequences of one’s actions.

My add-on commentary to the summary: 

It’s not really a BL romance with a side of plot, but plot with a side of romance which happens to be BL (will get back to that later). It’s set in a world where outstanding individuals with outstanding deeds can ascend and become Gods (aka “Heaven Officials”). MC was the pampered crown prince of a rich nation, and ascended early. However, tragedy after tragedy strikes: war breaks out, famine, plague. MC fails to protect his kingdom and for his attitude is banished...twice. His closest friends abandon him, his subjects turn from worship to hatred of him, his parents kill themselves. From pampered prince, MC becomes a forgotten nobody, begging for scraps and a joke to all in Heaven. 

After 800 years (yes 800, MC gains immortality after first ascension) roaming the mortal realm in this situation, he finally ascends once more, now humble and self-deprecating. Between his desire to help and need to repay debts, he takes on heavenly tasks in the mortal realm (banish malignant spirits, solve mysterious deaths etc). Each new tasks seems darker than the last, and he slowly unravels unexpected secrets from the Heavens. Surprisingly, during his journey he is joined by a demon king, known to be ruthless and so powerful even the Heavens fear him, yet this king seems to want nothing more than to aid MC...

While the official summary does not manage to showcase this as well as the summary of GDC did, this story can get dark. It changes from very lighthearted (people fainting from MC’s bad cooking) to very tragic (the torture and deaths already mentioned). It has a lot of lore as the MC deals with not only other gods, but evil spirits and mortals.

One outstanding thing from this work is that it gives depth and limelight to many of its side characters, and all plotpoints are neatly tied in the end. the length of it (244 chapters) helps give the plot enough time to go great details and depth through its mini arcs that all culminate to quite the grand finale.

If the plot of the author’s most famous work (GDC) had a focus on misunderstandings and prejudice, this plot is about fate and human nature: how goodness can fail, as well as how experiences may or may not change people. It’s an Epic spanning Gods, Demons, Kingdoms, and over thousands of years of history.

(For those who have read Discworld, it's fun to note that the Gods/Heaven Officials here follow a similar system: belief is power. How many believers a god has can impact their wealth, power and even the gender they appear as. And lack of followers may even lead to death.)

On the romance: 

As said before, I see this as a plot with a side of romance that happens to be BL. This because while everything around MC goes through drama and tragedy and angst, the romance...does not. The romance is not the plot, that is to say, the plot itself is not about MC and his love interest navigating their love for each other; fighting then finally ending together. On the contrary; it is MC and love interest navigating plot that has nothing to do with their feelings, while MC slowly becomes enamored. However, it’s not possible to say that the plot would go on without the romance, as their love and working together is integral to overcoming many huddles.

In this sense, if you want to go read drama about romance, watch as two people fight, clash, misunderstand and slowly accept their feelings... this isn’t quite it, Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation would be better. The romance is always there, but as a wholesome, sweet and mellow counterpoint to the suffering and darkness the plot metes out constantly (oh yes: the bizarre severity of angst MC goes through is not just pure coincidence). There will be no love triangles, no relationship-breaking misunderstandings etc. You may roll your eyes at MC being a little slow to figure feelings out, you might groan slightly at a silly misunderstanding, but neither actually harms their dynamic. I loved it, as it felt like a refreshing change from the usual BL romance and certainly a very needed levity all the bad luck haunting MC. Plus, my favorite couples are those that actually click without needing to insult and fight a lot.

Do note, and I fear I may be spoiling a bit here, it’s not that there isn’t angst and tragedy surrounding the romance, but that it is, in a way, “over”. You can only understanding by reading. You will hurt over the romance, yet already be relieved of that pain by the time the plot hands it to you.

Personalities: 

MC: in the present is a calm, self deprecating man. Humble but with a heart of gold, willing to sacrifice himself for others. 800 years ago, he had a golden heart but was impulsive, prideful. You will read the plot wringing those characteristics out of him, stab by stab through flashbacks. Also, MC has extreme bad luck. Dice he throws will always roll ones, but if he needs it to roll ones, they roll sixes. Lighting strikes where he goes, no shack he lives in lasts a month...

Love interest (hereon typed as “LI” for short). I fear giving too much away, but do feel who the love interest is is very clear early on so: If LI was the MC, he’d be a Gary Stu, but as the love interest he is so fun. Very powerful, very knowledgeable, very rich, very skilled. Demons bow to him, the heavens fear him, mortals even worship him. However, he cares for nothing, has no interest in helping anyone, is sarcastic and acerbic and ruthless. Except for with MC, which he treats on a golden platter, never harms even a strand of hair and will literally give everything to him (MC causes havoc in is domain then burns his armory down and LI doesn’t even frown)

Side characters: there’s quite a few, so despite there being noteworthy mentions I’d rather not make this longer. Let’s just say plot explores, using side characters, misogyny, prejudice, corruption, trauma, complicated morals, unfairness of fate, revenge etc

In fairness, some personal cons of this:

I dislike usage of too much capslock to demonstrate shouting, this does that. For people who are not used to eastern style writing, this might be a little different. It feels better than GDC, but there is a propensity for narration to explain things that might not feel good for some. And naturally, tons and tons of flashbacks as you start off at MC’s 3rd ascension but will eventually read in detail how his 1st and 2nd went, along with the banishments.

TL;DR: GO READ. 

Completed translations are up at novelupdates

An anime will be coming out this year (2020)

A manhua adaptation is ongoing

[peechbea]

No one asked but I'm gonna give my Opinions on the Fire Emblem games I've played uwu

Sacred Stones

Eirika and Ephraim are babey

Seth is the Perfect Man and no one can tell me otherwise

Colm...loml.....

I've only beaten it once, but the gameplay was solid and the game gave me genuine challenge. The story was good and characters were memorable.

Overall, 7/10

Awakening

Chrom's a himbo

Gaius is also a himbo

Together they make Ultra Himbo (and a cute couple)

Validar kinda hot though 🥵

Overall, gameplay was okay! I like the pair up mechanic, but after a while one can easily manipulate it to where it feels overpowered.

Casual mode is perfect for casual players. Believe it or not, some people don't spend hours upon hours on Fire Emblem. Yes, casual players are still true fans. Moving on.

As much as I love Robin, they can easily be overpowered. After multiple playthroughs, they end up incredibly strong every time.

Chrom can do the same, actually

Speaking of difficulty, you cannot have Baby Level (aka Normal) and Normal difficulty (aka Hard), and then shoot the difficulty up to Lunatic mode aka impossible. As someone who has spent years playing this game, I still haven't made it past chapter three of Lunatic mode.

Overall? Average gameplay, great character designs even if some personalities were bland, and good story. Plus it was my first FE game so, 9/10

Shadows of Valentia

Ngl, kinda disappointed that there's no customizable MC. Obviously, it's a remake from an older game so, understandable. Still, it would have been nice to give Alm or Celica a little accessory and have it show up on their portrait or even in battle.

I never played the original so I can't compare the two, but I genuinely enjoyed the game regardless of how faithful it was to Gaiden

Saber has me like 🥵👀

Fantastic storyline and characters I loved and still love

Lacks the pair up mechanic, which made me think more and plan more strategically

Supports felt kind of short and lackluster, but I assume that's due to the original characters from Gaiden not getting enough personality to begin with. I still enjoyed what little there was.

Was the first FE game I played that had exploration you could control! Nothing feels better than walking into a dungeon and smashing barrels with a sword uwu

While I love the game, I won't be able to experience it the first time again. The story is the same every time through, which most FE games are, but it almost feels necessary to promote some units to specific classes or else you can't progress. Because of that, it sits at 7.5/10

Three Houses

Brings back the exploration, but on a wider scale!!

Took the idea that a FE game could have branching paths and made it really good!

For the first time (for me anyway), the main characters have obvious internal struggles and even mental illnesses. Though these could have been handled a liiiiittle bit better, it's certainly a step in the right direction.

Lysithea is best girl don't argue with me you're wrong

I've yet to finish any path, but I know what happens in each one and no matter which route I look at, I am amazed!

Though most seem upset at Dimitri's death in the Golden Deer route, I found it oddly appropriate. A forgotten prince driven insane by the need for revenge meeting his end by chasing the cause of most his inner turmoil just seemed. Fitting.

Great game with wonderful graphics and characters. I can definitely see me replaying this multiple times

Absolutely 9/10 (and only falls a point short because I can't customize Byleth, but they're in almost every cutscene so that would have been difficult to animate in anyway)

Fates

What....were they aiming for.

This whole game feels rushed and lazy and just. Boring.

My favorite character is Asugi and that's only because he looks like Gaius and that's enough to remind me that there's much better things out there than Fates

Plot holes galore

Birthright is too easy, Revelations is on par with Awakening's Normal difficulty, and Conquest wasn't hard as much as it was unfair

Take chapter 21 of Conquest for example. You know, the Eternal Stairway? Fuck that.

I would avoid that route entirely if it wasn't for the unsatisfying experiences that are Birhright and Revelations

Phoenix mode???? Wh,,,,WHY. Casual mode is fine, but on Phoenix there was no challenge, no threat, no strategy involved. What good is a strategy game without strategy??

Hearing"BEtRayAl" every three seconds was exhausting. Jfc.

I like that Niles was the first bisexual character, but why did he have to be dark skinned and a sleazy creep. Kinda makes it seem that all lgbtq poc are like that. Not a good thing to show the younger, easily influenced audience.

Soleil is a mess but we all knew that already.

While I enjoyed the music in the game, it's hard to find it pleasing when it was the ONLY good thing about the game.

Honestly, 4/10 and I feel bad rating it that high

Literally the only thing putting it at a solid four is the Awakening trio. If they weren't there, I'd give it a fat 0.

[hellreads]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Park Jimin (BTS)/Reader Characters: Park Jimin (BTS) Additional Tags: Angst, Smut, Fluff Series: Part 1 of The One with the Tropes

Summary:

You’ve only bared your body to Jimin, mostly silent after the act. The one time you do, you find yourself baring your soul to him, far more than you bargained for.

OR

(the fubu trope)

“Will you play with me?” 

“What kind of game?”

Fringe, my love, if ever you get to read this one day I want you to know that everything you write is precious and I’m thankful you’ve gifted us with Ineffable, this is my favorite Park Jimin fic, there’s something about the way you write that always pulls me in and after reading your note about being single (when you wrote this) as the inspiration for this fic, it hit me hard and made me understood why I was so affected because just like you I miss the feeling of intimacy too.

[SPOILERS AHEAD ~ because my feelings are unstoppable]

it’s been a while since I read something that made me feel like there’s a literal hole in my heart, I love Kim Seokjin to the moon and back so reading and immersing into this as his Bestfriend for the longest time, pining hardcore for him and everyone knew but the boy was too was blind to see it, fuck it fucking hurt, god, the amount of angsty emotions this pulled from me was no joke, I became so sensitive and grumpy to people around me as I was reading this, Seokjin was too beautiful, too perfect, but also dumb and dense to not see love in her actions and words for him, I was frustrated the whole time and he really had to give her cup to that brunette (I will address her as brunette through and through because I’m petty like that)

do you believe in fate? Jimin, he was a gift from fate, he always manages to be there for her just when she needs someone to save her from the pain Jin causes her fragile heart, at first he was a stranger in a crowd but they found each other, he was a welcomed distraction because for the nth time she failed in confessing and pouring all her love for her best friend. everything happened so fast, one moment she was sulking over her love and a certain brunette, then she’s asking the pledge to fuck her, she needed to feel something else, something that will make her forget (and regret) she was cold towards the boy because she knew that was it, a one night stand that doesn’t require any cuddling and ego-stroking, a quick fuck, self-pity and a few text messages later I felt bad for her, she had no choice but to dive in and pick anyone up to her challenge and it sucks because she felt guilty for something that doesn’t have any repercussions she was a single grown-ass woman who could date, fuck, and dump whoever she wants, but it’s Jin, her constant, it’s always him (but it will never be her)

fast forward to more encounters with Jimin, fate really wants to test her huh, was fate cruel? first, sharing a class with Jimin the boy she avoided like the plague, then meeting Jin only to listen to him talk about the brunette with so much love it pricks my heart like a bitch, my eyes were rolling at the whole cafe conversation, please just shut up Jin... then the party, ugh, I hated Hoseok for not even showing a little interest or respect to MC, she’s human too and Jin’s BFF but I guess they were much more interested in meeting the pretty, sexy, cutie whatever brunette, like what makes her special huh? pft but thank goodness MC has her own personal hero in the form of Park Jimin he saved her once again, even if she explicitly told him it’ll never happen again, my whole body tingled when she gave in once again because the boy is packing some wild stamina, feelings were developing and as much as I love and adore Jin, Ineffable Jimin whisked me away, he clearly has a soft spot for MC, he cares about her, studies her little quirks and pays attention to everything she says and do and this time she was the blind one, he may not be as hardcore as here when it comes to solo pining but he’s getting there, the way he pleases her and begs for her to stay was evidence but the stubborn cold-hearted girl won’t budge saying it’s the last and it’ll never happen again but upon discovering the information that he will be practically attached to Jin’s hip because their buddies leaves her without a choice but to accept that Jimin will always be there.

now their own game starts with a few rules no small talk and no way he could talk about her with others and he happily complied (what a tsundere babe) even if she finally has someone to soften the blow, Jin had to wreck her heart through and through and I hate it, I hate Jin, and I hate that brunette, but despite all the hate brewing in me Jimin was there once again to rile her up it was funny not until somebody had to dampen her mood once again, sigh, everything happens for a reason and Jin always hurts and pushes her away but she keeps clinging on to him, part of me thinks that more than liking, loving, and considering him as her constant, she sees Jin as her home, she had a rough life and he’s always been there, but she needs to let go and detach herself to let other people in but damn her grip on him was too tight, her hopes still burning bright that one day Jin will look at her the way she wants him to see her...

oh god I literally summarized everything but this is the best part, the part where you need to hold your heart from all the fluff, the angst and soft genuine smut (because the first two smutty scenarios are rough and wild and just pure delicious smutty goodness *chef’s kiss*) Jimin has slowly become her constant, they finally learned a lot about each other slowly, the bits and pieces of information felt like they’re working on a pretty scrapbook supplying parts of them until everything makes sense, then Jimin came up with a new rule, sure they were content with the way things were but they ultimately decided and agreed to ranting while the other listens, I love how MC is slowly opened herself to Jimin, and how she started to smile and laugh again, something we never really saw with Jin, all he did was make her pine, hope, wait, sulk, hurt, and repeat, but with Jimin her life started to show patches of colors, he makes her happy, makes her smile, makes her warm, he worked his way up to be able to stay by her side even if he could’ve just ditched her now that he’s done being a pledge but he was in too deep to even let go.

everything was falling into place until she had to have her heart broken once again, srsly cried hard while reading this part moving forward, Jimin never questioned the game she wanted to play, to become lovers even for a short period of time, a borrowed time to make her feel for once that she belongs to someone, that someone can love the mess that she is, that she is worth all the love the world could give despite her flaws and all,  the whole play scenario shred my heart to pieces because as much as MC thinks she’s hurting, she had no clue that Jimin is feeling the same too, she’s asking to be held, to be loved, to be someone’s universe when he’s right in front of her holding her until her broken pieces are put back together, loving every part of her even those she didn’t think were desirable parts of her for in his eyes she was perfect, and most importantly Jimin looks at her as if she was the universe he holds with his hands, beautiful, fragile, full of life and sorrow, but still lovely nonetheless. 

she opened up, opened and pour her heart out to him trusting he’ll listen and won’t judge her, she finally lost the battle, the one she loved the most will never be hers, fate already made it clear with all the way he treated her only as a friend, the times she had to endure, listen, and support him whenever he falls for someone new, and the reality that he will be asking the love of his life to marry him on a whim, life is truly fucking unfair huh, but it really isn’t because it was never Jin to begin with... it was Park Jimin all along, he was never a distraction because that’s where he truly belonged, he was the center of her universe.

sigh after literally typing and spoiling a lot my feels got the best of me I cried then smiled again this really is the best Jimin piece I've read, it was beautifully written with every intention to soften someone’s heart and maybe open themselves to love again, because that’s what it did to me well it softened my heart but idk if I'm opening up myself anytime soon. I really adored Jimin’s characterization here he can be the cocky fuckboy who plays around but his loyalty to MC was something, he was whipped right away ig, he’s also very cute, persistent, clueless, and annoying at times, but god this boy was so loveable I swerved directly to his lane, the vivid descriptions of every scenario especially the smut appeased my sulky self because Ineffable Jin tore my heart to pieces but the best part here is when she asked to play a game with Jimin, god it was the most beautiful thing I read, she was so broken almost irreparable but Jimin stayed with her and made sure she feels his heart, his actions were so pure I will never get over it, maybe I do love Jimin, I denied it for the longest time and Ineffable is that fic that got me accepting and shouting all my love for him sighhhh, again, thank you for this Fringe, you and your works deserve all the love, now watch me bombard my friends with this fic so we could gush about Park Jimin 24/7. | 🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

[veiljumpernyssa]

could you just... like... answer all of those questions at once? I can't pick one but I wanna know all the things

Oh God okay

[[MORE]]

1. When did you start playing?

Oh a long time ago...over a  year ago I’d say? The main 3 were only up to uhhhh the Hermit book I think. I remember I stopped playing after that gross fetishy Asra CG came out.

2. What got you into the game?

The beautiful art and the tarot theme. This was before I knew what I know fdjhksd

3. Who was your first route?

Julian!

4. Who is your favourite route?

Honestly Muriel is shaping up to be my favourite so far. Before that, I loved Asra’s route.

5. Who is your least favourite?

So far, Portia’s. Don’t get me wrong - it’s nothing to do with Portia herself. It just feels a little stagnant and flat.

(I bet you expected me to say Lucio, didn’t you? Well, you’re wrong).

6. Who do you play in Heart Hunter?

Chibi Chandra!

7. Who is your favourite to chase in Heart Hunter?

Portia or Muriel!

8. Who of the not playable LIs do you wish you could romance?

The baker. Selasi route when?

9. Opinion on Asra?

Asra is often mischaracterised imo and held to an unfair standard that a lot of the other characters aren’t. I’ve seen many of these arguments and I’m tired.

Asra is not jealous, possessive, creepy, manipulative or shady. Not once does he act possessive towards the MC in any of the routes including his own (a possible exception could be made for the Reversed Ending, but what do you expect? That’s after the MC literally enables that behaviour).

Being sad or cautioning the MC against Julian is not being jealous or possessive. The way he talks about Julian it’s pretty obvious he felt more for the man than he realises, even if he doesn’t understand that himself.

Asra keeps secrets from the MC because canonically trying to remember too much too fast harms the MC. This has been established. In his route, he literally tells you that he hates keeping secrets from you. He takes you into his own personal gateway - an expression of trust and a willingness to open up to you. Does he do these things in the other routes? No, but that’s because you’re not spending that time with him.

I also see people angsting about how sad Asra is going to be when you tell him about Lucio in his route. Lucio harmed his parents and has been cruel to Asra so like idk what you expect. The MC doesn’t know this of course, but you do!

I think we also forget that Asra took a considerable amount of time and effort to rehabilitate the MC, care for them and reteach them basic tasks as well as magic.

Is Asra a perfect person? Of course not. He’s probably overly cautious, he can be a little distant and he reacts badly when in a crisis (see the deal he made with the Devil). He’s not always brave and not always strong, but why should we expect him to be? He’s a human being and he’s bound to have faults, but he has a generous nature and is remarkably well-adjusted considering the trauma of his childhood (don’t tell me that suddenly losing your parents is not traumatic).

10. Opinion on Julian?

I once said that Julian is likely hypersexual and I still maintain that. (For those of you who don’t know, being hypersexual is like..a tendency to engage in compulsive or self-harming sexual behaviour, sometimes as a result of trauma). I think Julian craves affection and associates sexual interest or sexual contact with his worth as a person. I don’t think he does it deliberately or to be manipulative, but because he has a definite self-esteem problem. I honestly see him as bipolar like me.

I think the way the fandom treats him as this dumbass uwu subby boy is kind of annoying. A lot of people I feel erase his bisexuality either by just ignoring it or by making homophobic jokes where the punchline is ‘ha ha he likes dick like you do!!!!’ like no shit, he’s BISEXUAL. But he’s also hard-working, brave, clever, pleasant and good-natured, and once he starts to really come into his own, he’s cheerful and optimistic. He has so many more good qualities than just ‘submissive and kinky’.

11. Opinion on Lucio?

This may surprise y’all but I actually don’t hate Lucio that much. I love to hate him as a villain.

I think he, like all of us, is a product of his environment. He grew up in a clan with a strong martial culture; his clan were warlike and frequently made war on his neighbours. We’re all influenced by our upbringing and I don’t think he’s an exception. I draw the line at saying he ‘just didn’t know right from wrong’ though. He’s not a baby.

But the differences between Lucio and the other LIs like Portia, Asra, Muriel etc is that Lucio’s life and his fate and the hardships he’s faced are almost entirely due to his own choices. It was he who decided on the eve of his eighteenth birthday to kill his parents. He sought out Vlagnagog with the intention of making a deal. He chose to continue to make deals. He knew he carried the plague and he chose to carry it across the continent including into Vesuvia, causing the deaths of thousands. He murdered and blackmailed his way across the continent. He wouldn’t have even needed to bargain for a new body if he hadn’t caught the plague that he brought into Vesuvia himself after making a deal etc.

Do I think he is a sort of cackling, villainous cliche or unrepentantly evil? No. I think he’s a person who has made deliberate choices that he is facing the consequences for and IMO it’s important that he face those consequences. I do think his main issue is entitlement and a profound lack of self-esteem (I don’t think he really believes any of the stuff he actually says about himself or other people; even Lucio’s not delusional).

I mean that’s about as generous and objective a take on Lucio as I can give you. I’ve made my feelings clear on him, but I don’t want to give the impression that I don’t actually understand him as a character, hopefully the above will prove I do haha.

12. Opinion on Muriel?

Out of all the LIs I think I relate most strongly to Muriel because of a few reasons: trauma, touch-starved, lonely and wants to connect but afraid of getting hurt (physically or emotionally).

Now that I’ve gotten personal, I really hate the way Muriel is treated by the fandom. He’s either called bland or boring, or he’s treated like he’s an animal, called feral and animalistic. He’s none of those things.

Muriel has a big complex about being alone. He was literally given away by his parents and left in Vesuvia on his own, to fend for himself on the streets. Being abandoned by his parents and not knowing why, not remembering is traumatic enough, but because of his size he’s often characterised as aggressive and strong when he’s always been gentle. Later in his life, Muriel was forced to fight and kill people against his will. I don’t think a lot of people get just how traumatic that is; not only being forced into doing Lucio’s bidding, but being forced to violently take someone’s life. I don’t blame him for leaving to live at his hut and resist connecting to anyone. It’s common for traumatized people to withdraw and isolate themselves, because the thought of getting hurt again is more frightening than being alone. But everyone needs human contact, and I think Muriel struggles a lot between wanting connection and contact (physical or emotional), between not wanting to get hurt again, to not feeling like he’s worth the effort. That struggle is something very close to my heart and that’s why I’m attached to him.

13. Opinion on Nadia?

Nadia has the biggest youngest sister complex and it’s almost amusing because I, too, have the same complex (even though I’m actually the older sibling!). Nadia, like me, feels like she’s always been compared unfavourably to her older sisters, and has felt like she has to work harder to prove she’s their equal.

It’s probably because she’s a Cancer like me. We have dual natures sometimes; the caretaker and the ringleader, who feel like we have to take it all on ourselves to get the job properly done, but who have moments where our self-doubt takes over.

I do find some aspects of Nadia’s route to be sort of odd, where it’s mentioned that the people of Vesuvia find her to be a tyrant. There’s literally no evidence to suggest that, so the only reasoning I can find next is she’s a woc. But race doesn’t matter in Vesuvia apparently so...what else could be the reason? Not to mention she’s been asleep for the past three years, so the people haven’t even seen the Countess in that time.

I feel like we didn’t really get to understand a lot about Nadia even from her route-why did she fall asleep? What on Earth did she see in Lucio? Why did she let him do all those bad things in Vesuvia before he died? (My initial thought was Cancers can be sloth-like and passive, so that could be why).

14. Opinion on Portia?

Of all the LIs I feel like it’s Portia I know the least about despite having probably the most appearances. Sure, she’s quirky and fun and cheerful, and that’s cute, but...what does she want? What does she fear? How does she feel about her brother being on trial?

I’m hoping we get to expand more of her personality in her route. I know her patron Arcana is the Star, so her route will likely be about learning to have faith in other people, but who knows.

15. What is your favourite Arcana card?

Justice. The Empress is a close runner-up.

16. Have you bought any of the official merch?

No, I refuse to give a single cent to Nix Hydra. (I really want those Tarot cards though hhh)

17. What is your favourite CG?

The one where Asra is sitting in the gondola. Squishy cheeks :3c

18. How many Arcana themed blogs do you have?

Three! This one, then I run an Ask Muriel blog at @ask-muriel-inanna and an Ask Asra blog at @ask-asra-and-faust

19. Do you draw any Arcana art? What is your favourite image you have drawn?

The cover I just did for my Arcana comic! I cant link but it's in #arcana comic and #my art

20. Self insert or apprentice insert?

Both are valid, but I have an apprentice OC.

21. Do you have an apprentice?

Yes I do! Their name is Daya

22. If there is one thing that could be made with the Arcana theme on it, what would it be and why?

Idk what this means I big dumb

23. What is your favourite ship?

Outside of the LI x MC ships I really do like Asriel and Portia/Nadia (but only if Portia isn’t her servant anymore).

24. What is your least favourite ship?

Muriel x Lucio, Asra x Lucio or Julian x Lucio. None of them would even consider ever touching Lucio with a ten foot pole and y’all know this.

25. On your first play through, what direction was your ending for the LIs?

Upright babey!!!!!