#maybe. but i dont care because if i wanted realism i would be asking my dad about the gripes and grudges he holds against his dad

[strangersteddierthings]

Good People - Final Part

Part One🦇Part Two🦇Final Part

It is not often that Wayne is happy with the monotony of work. Tonight is one of those nights, if only because it allows him to think about where he went wrong speaking to Eddie. He had never meant to imply he thought Eddie was like Al; he'd meant the apple and tree comment to for Richard and Steve. However, he does acknowledge why Eddie drew the conclusion that Wayne might have thought Eddie would follow in Al's footsteps.

Wayne's being a hypocrite, applying the logic to one boy, but not the other. And even though he never, not once, thought that Eddie would become Al, he'll never be able to take that thought from Eddie's mind that he had. He can apologize until he's blue in the face, Eddie might even forgive him, but he's not sure Eddie will ever believe him. Not truly.

And how could Wayne expect him to?

No. That's a shame Wayne will take to the grave.

Next strike to Wayne's conscious; the misjudgment of Steve Harrington, and how it ties into the fact Eddie accused him of not trusting his judgement, and, moreover, Eddie being right. Wayne hadn't trusted in Eddie's trust of Steve.

He should have. It's been years since Eddie came home crying about a boy, but what father doesn't see their kid crying over their first heartbreak and doesn't grow protective? And with Eddie, it's even more terrifying. Getting mixed up with the wrong boy could mean bruised ribs, black eyes, or worse.

In a town like Hawkins, a boy would just have to claim Eddie made a sexual advance and his murder could (would) be justified.

Now add the manhunt and being suspected of murderer to that. Well, Wayne's scared for Eddie's life almost every minute of his day.

But it's no excuse. Or if it is, it's a poor one.

Wayne doesn't know the full story but he does know that Steve was with the group of people on Eddie's side; that he was there with the Henderson kid, the Buckley girl, and Nancy Wheeler, digging Eddie out of the rubble from the earthquake, getting him to the hospital as fast as they could.

Steve Harrington was part of the group that saved Eddie's life, and that should have meant more to begin with. Instead, Wayne's been waiting for a shoe to drop that very well isn't coming.

He's going to fix this.

He'll give Eddie his space to be angry with him, and he'll try again in a few days.

When Wayne gets home, around 6:30am, Eddie's van is gone. He's not surprised. He probably left shortly after Wayne did, not leaving sooner just to avoid him.

There is a note on Wayne's bed when he makes it there. Says he's at Steve, and instead of letting Wayne know when he'll return it just says the words 'be back' followed by a bunch of questions marks. He ends it with 'call if worried' and leaves a phone number that must be for the Harrington residence.

Another hurt Wayne can't blame on anyone but himself.

Wednesday passes. Wayne eats breakfast, goes grocery shopping, pretends to care about his shows before sleeping the afternoon away to prepare for another graveyard. Eddie has not returned when he wakes, and two short hours later, he's off to work.

Eddie's van remains gone.

Returns from work Thursday morning and repeats Wednesday. He replaces grocery shopping with laundry and cleaning out the leftovers for trash day tomorrow morning. Goes to work.

Friday morning he returns home. No Eddie. He waits for it to be a more appropriate time, a little before 10:00am to call the number Eddie left.

It rings, rings, rings, then, a voice he hasn't heard in years. Richard Harrington's voice sounds as cold as it always was as the answering machine recites, "You've reached the Harrington's. We are not available. Leave a message."

"This is Wayne Munson. I just wanted to make sure Eddie's- that's he's alright. Let him know that I called. Checked on him. He doesn't need to call back but I'd appreciate it."

He hangs up the phone, lump in his throat. He misses his boy, and he wants to make his right, but he can't force that. Eddie has to always want to make it okay between them.

He's usually off Fridays, but he asked to pick up a shift. He can't face Linda without having fixed this. He spends the morning and afternoon doing all the small fixes he'd been putting off. Anything to keep him busy. He goes to sleep at his usual time, and wakes up two hours before his shift like normal.

Check's his answering machine but if anyone called while he was asleep, they didn't leave a message. There's still no van when he heads to work.

The plant tells him to leave an hour early. He tries to argue to stay but he's just waved off, told to go get some sleep because he's been looking a little worse for the wear.

He gets back to Forest Hills around 5:40am and finds there is another car parked at his home. Not Eddie's van, but the sleek maroon BMW that belongs to Steve Harrington parked where the van usually is.

When he pulls into his spot, the headlights of his truck light up Steve, sitting on his steps, wrapped in a coat. It can't be more than 50℉ outside right now.

Steve stands as Wayne cuts the engine and climbs from his truck. He gets to the front of his truck and Steve speaks.

"Eddie's okay," Steve says, hands shoving deep into his pockets, "I tried to get him to call you back yesterday but, well, you know Eddie."

Wayne nods, because he does know Eddie. "I appreciate you tellin' me. But you coulda just called."

"I could have."

They look at each other for a moment, and just as Steve opens his mouth, probably to tell Wayne he's going to go, Wayne speaks first, "you wanna come inside and have a cup of coffee to warm up?"

Steve tilts his head slightly to the left before he says, "are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Alright," and then Steve steps away from the stairs so Wayne can climb them and let them into the trailer. Steve follows behind silently but with familiarity. He's spent so much of his time here since spring break- the shame crawls through Wayne again. He'd assumed, once upon a time, that Eddie and Steve spent more time here than at Steve's because why would Steve want the trailer park boy in his big fancy house? Now, though, he wonders if it's because this place felt more like a home, even with Wayne's cold shoulder.

Steve sits at their little kitchen table, a luxury they didn't have before because there was no room in the single wide, one bedroom they'd had before. The new double wide (with three bedrooms) offered them a bit more space for a dining area.

Wayne's still suspicious of the government's offer to replace their destroyed home, but he wasn't foolish enough to deny the offer when it was made to him by Jim Hopper (newly returned from the dead back then).

"How do you take your coffee?" Wayne asks, once the machine finishes filling the carafe.

"Oh, I can fix it-"

"Nonsense," Wayne waves him back to sitting, "just tell me."

"I like it with just enough milk to take the scalding heat out of it," Steve says, and while Wayne's not sure just how much that it, he tries anyway.

He sets a cup in front of Steve before taking a seat across from him. "I really do appreciate that you came to tell me Eddie's okay. I want to give him his space but...."

Steve sips his coffee before shooting his cup a small smile. Wayne must have got the ratio right. Then, he looks to Wayne and the smile drops, a more serious expression taking its place and he says, "Eddie wouldn't really tell me what your fight was about, other than, uh, me and that you... overheard some of what I said last time I was here. I don't, like, want to come between you and Eddie, but I'm not, I'm not going to let you scare me away. So, just tell me what I have to do to get Eddie to believe we're cool, and I'll do it. Anything, except for getting out of Eddie's life. 'Cause I won't."

"I would never ask you to do that," Wayne says. Steve squints at him, a look of suspicion now. Completely warranted, given what Steve has known of Wayne thus far. "I owe you an apology, Steve. For how I've been treatin' you."

Steve's eyes go wide, "Oh. What? Why?"

"You've been nothin' but good to Eddie. For Eddie. And I refused to see that. I made a judgment about you without knowin' anything but your name." Steve let's out a soft 'oh' at that, but Wayne plows on, "And that weren't fair, and it weren't right. I can't undo it, but I want you to know I regret it. I'm sorry."

"Okay," Steve says, after a moment. "I forgive you."

It's Wayne's turn to be surprised. He's a bit speechless. So much so, he takes a page right out of Eddie's book and asks, "are you sure?" which is a question he's never asked after having an apology accepted before, but one Eddie had asked a lot when he first came to live with Wayne, and they were learning to co-exist.

"Yeah. I get it."

He doesn't like that answer. Doesn't like the he contributed to the mind set that gave Steve that answer. "You're allowed to be mad at me for it."

"I think Eddie's mad enough for both of us."

It doesn't feel like closure. It doesn't feel like forgiveness, but Wayne doesn't know what to say. He can't just start sprouting all the bad things he thought about Steve; there's no reason Steve should have to listen to that. But without hearing it, Steve doesn't even know what he's forgiving Wayne for. "I'll be honest with ya, Steve. It feels like you shouldn't."

Steve frowns at him. "Why?"

Why? Why? For all the reasons Eddie yelled at him, and all the things Linda said, and all the agony he's felt these last few days. The guilt and the shame that still eat at him, even as Steve Harrington says he forgives him. "It's too easy."

Those three words have Steve leaning back against the chair. His eyes dance around Wayne's face before taking in the whole of him. Or, what Steve can see of him with from across the table. When Steve meets his eye again, Wayne sees recognition there. "If you can't forgive yourself, I get that. I do. I-I've spent most of my life as one big apology. And I'm not saying that I, like, don't still feel like- what I mean to say, is that, I forgive you. I'm not, like, gonna hold it against you that you were just trying to look out for Eddie, man. Like, two years ago your fears would have been justified, so."

"Don't make it right," Wayne argues, but he doesn't know why.

"No," Steve agrees, "but I'm forgiving you anyway. You think you're the first person to hear the name Steve Harrington and assume you know everything you need to know about me already?"

Steve's words sound like they could be confrontational, but his tone is light. Teasing? Wayne says, "no. Suppose I'm not."

"Every person I love has done that," Steve says, and the ease of which he says that has Wayne feeling some sort of way. Eddie's words echo in his mind 'you made me help him feel that way'. How many other people have made him feel like he's a bad person? "Even- even Eddie. He made a point, during spring break, to, uh, well, he didn't apologize for anything because there was nothing to apologize about, but he made a point to tell me I was very 'metal' and a 'cool dude' so.... I know my name comes with, like, a shadow or a curse or whatever. I think it will for as long as I live in Hawkins, but that's," Steve flaps his hand in the air, as if that fills in for the word he can't find, and it's a move so reminiscent of Eddie. "Anyway, if you aren't actually, like, ready to accept an apology, you shouldn't be making one."

Wayne sits in that for a moment. There's a lot more to Steve Harrington than he'd ever thought. So much he doesn't know, actually, but he thinks he's okay with learning more. This boy told Eddie he was half-way in love with him earlier this week, and while Wayne never heard Eddie say it back, he knew anyway. It's why he was so protective. "You're pretty wise for your age."

Steve grins and shakes his head. "Nah, that last part was all Robin. She says it all the time to me."

"Well, then you best stop apologizing when you ain't ready to accept the forgiveness," Wayne parrots back the words.

Steve throws his head back and laughs.

They finish their coffee with silence and small talk. Steve tells him about how he never thought he'd miss his job at the video store but working at Melvald's is making him long for the days when the biggest complaint was late fees. Apparently, there's so many more things to complain about in retail.

Wayne talks about working at the plant and how the tasks are repetitive and a bit labor intensive, but the graveyard pay is worth it. Steve asks him a few more questions about working at the plant that Wayne's happy to answer and the more Steve asks, the more Wayne becomes aware that Steve might be looking for a change of occupation. He makes a mental note to put in a good word to Floyd, just in case.

Steve leaves with the promise of returning with Eddie, as soon as possible. As he was heading to the door, Wayne asked why he showed up so early.

"Eddie can't stop me if he's not awake," was Steve's answer, a mischievous grin on his face.

Wayne watches from the porch as Steve backs out. Steve shoots him one last little wave with his fingers before heading away.

He goes back inside and washes the dishes. Even dries and puts them away, a feat usually done once a week; he and Eddie have no qualms with using dishes directly from the dish drainer. His only other chore for the day is leaving for work a bit early so he has time to stop at the gas station and fill up the truck.

Grabbing the remote from its spot on the coffee table, Wayne plops onto the couch to spend his day as mindlessly as possible with some TV.

He goes to sleep at his usual time and wakes up at 7:43pm according to his alarm clock; a little over two hours before his shift is to start. It's time for more coffee, he thinks as he dresses for work before heading to the kitchen.

He jerks to a stop when he sees Eddie and Steve sitting on the couch, leaned close and talking softly. He's not about to repeat a past mistake, so he makes his presence known. "Evenin' boys."

Eddie pops up from the couch quick as lightning, taking a few steps towards Wayne before stopping. "I don't like being mad at you."

Wayne nods, "I don't much like you bein' mad at me, either. For what it's worth, I am sorry."

Eddie closes the distance between them, then, and pulls Wayne into a tight hug. Wayne returns it instantly, how can he not? He hears Eddie say, softly, "it's worth an awful lot, you terrible old man."

They part, and Eddie speaks first, "but if you ever pull shit like this again, I won't be so quick to forgive."

"I won't," Wayne says, at the same time Steve says, "he won't."

Both Munsons look at Steve, who grins back at them.

"You think you know my uncle that well already, from one shared cup of coffee?" Eddie asks, sounding amused.

Steve shrugs, "no. I just, uh, plan to stick around, y'know. Kinda hoping there's no dude after me for him to be an angry dad about. I would appreciate it, though, Mr. Munson, if you'd skip the shovel talk bit of all this?"

Eddie sucks in a breath and Wayne's a bit shocked by what Steve's implied. What Steve's admitted, really, out loud in front of another person. Wayne wonders if any boy Eddie's ever liked before would have done that.

"What good's a shove talk when you've already told me you ain't goin' anywhere?" Wayne says, hoping his tone is as light and teasing as he wants it to be.

"Glad we're on the same page," Steve agrees, "but, uhh, do you want me to go? So you can have a real talk?"

"No," says Eddie.

"No," says Wayne, at the same time.

"Oh. Okay. Uh, in that case, you got anything to drink here besides coffee?"

Wayne nods and they all pile into the kitchen to get a beverage before settling in the living room. There will be time to talk later, Wayne realizes. He's going to apologize properly.

Later, though, when he'll really be ready to accept Eddie's forgiveness, because there's no doubt Eddie'll forgive him. So, he's going to sit in the living room and chat with his boys until he has to go to work.

By the time Friday comes around again, he'll be able to tell Linda she was right, everything's going to be okay one day, and maybe ask her on a date he's been putting off asking for since high school.

Done!! I hope the ending is sufficiently cheesy.

I'm so sorry if I missed you! There were a lot of people asking to be tagged haha

@i-less-than-three-you @nburkhardt @afewproblems @skepsiss @unclewaynemunson @kaij-basil-lionelli88 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @mugloversonly @limpingpenguin @krazyperson @acrolius @salisbury-at-the-stake @littlebookworm86 @savedbytheirmusic @wxrmland @myownworstenemyyy @thelittleclare @awkotaco24 @djohawke @wrenisflying @croatoan-like-its-hot @actualwakingnightmare @krowepoison @jamieweasley13 @yourmom-isgay @irregular-child @oldwitcheshat @abstractnaturaldisaster @wishiwasacasualfan @vinteraltus @zerokrox-blog @warlordess @stevesbipanic @steveshairspray @slowandsteddie @samsoble @waelkyring @just-a-tiny-void @saramelaniemoon @halfadoginatank @nightmareglitter @scarletyeager @hellfireone @rovia2312 @munsonslure @a-little-unsteddie @soaringornithopter @eddiethehunted @starlight-archer @dryptid @inkjette

[frankenkyle19]

Hi! I love when you ship ppl with Evan Peters characters so I was hoping you would do me :)

I am 5'6, white, but tan :) and skinny with brown hair that goes past my shoulders (straight/wavey) and brown doe eyes

I am an extrovert but love being alone to bench watch youtube or mindlessly scroll through Tumbler lol

I am Texan but have to accent, I love music so much (It can change how my day goes and I just love it more than anything)

I LOVE playing vball and I love doing art (I have been working on realism <3 Which I plan on posting on my page soon)

My fav color is purple and pink <3

I love horror, but hate jump scares lol

I have misaphonia (basically hate little sounds you can search it up if you want <3) and it can make me agitated and I have to like leave the room if I cant stand it

I hate reading chapter books, only comics and graphics

I dont like anime or anything cartoon really

Stevie Nicks is my fucking Idol lol

Most people say I am funny and fun to be around which is sweet lol

um yeah! I hope this was enough!!!! :)

I ship you with… KITKAT

So first off would love your hair and your eyes. Would love to play with your hair and would maybe even learn to style and braid it because he does the same for his daughters hair <3

Also loves music, because Uhm who doesn’t?? But he’d love your taste in music specifically because he finds so many little things that remind him of you in it gkrjgjejg. Will just sit with you after work and listen to music, not really talking just enjoying the silence only interrupted by the soft trills of music.

would love to play vball with you and would love to include the kids in it as well. And your art? He would adore it and ask you to draw him. He’d sit super still for you but would end up cracking a smile. Would spoil you rotten and buy you so much art supplies that you don’t even know what to do with all of it

once you explained your misaphonia to him he would be extra careful around you and always make sure you’re comfortable but definitely wouldn’t coddle you over it because no one likes to be coddled over something they can’t control. If you would begin to panic he’d ask what he can do to help and if you need to be left alone he will do just that. Will not bother you until you come to him. King of giving space

He’d love to hang around you and just relax in your presence. You don’t even have to really talk sometimes. He’s perfectly content with just being near you.

[axellis-archv-2]

adoration crush & date night for axel? :] -@lem-argentum

THANKYOU SO MUCH YAYYY AXEL TALKING TIME

adoration — how would your f/o speak about you to someone else?

HES SO SWEEEET hes so sweet any time he greatly admires someone he always always always thinks theyre the best & greatest so he would just be like "ohh ellis is the COOLEST you really have to meet him. hes so fun and funny and nice..." definitely uses 'cool' a lot its one of his favorite adjectives

he also is very visibly giddy about it you can see his hands flying around and if hes standing sometimes he does a little jump around and its so cute . hes so cute

crush — when did your f/o realize their feelings for you? how did they deal with those feelings?

the axellis lore goes deep. in my head around ep 5 of season 1 is when he actually like. realizes he has romantic feelings. he definitely has a crush earlier (season 1 ep 3) but didn't understand what it was until he kind of goes "oh. maybe wanting to kiss someone means i love them..." and then the feelings just kind of flood in

as soon as he figures it out he like Freakssss out he doesnt know what to do hes never HAD a crush this big before and usually he can just ignore it but he doesnt think this is something he even WANTS to ignore. he immediately goes to olivia about it because olivias smart and definitely knows how to handle crushes. but olivia kind of looks at him like (nerd stance) "do i really look like someone whos had a lot of women in my life?" so hes like "OH GOD YOURE RIGHT! PETRA SHOULD KNOW!!" basically going around to everybody (except ellis) kind of asking what to do until his brain fries because he gets different answers from everyone (petra says keep it casual, magnus says to do a giant fireworks display of affection, etc)

afterwards he kind of decides on not even really trying to do anything until "the perfect moment" which unfortunately leads to a whole season of them being definitely romantic but not having confessed yet. which is annoying for everyone.

date night — describe your ideal date with them! spare no expense, realism to the wind, what’s your dream outing?

i really really really really really wanna go to like. a waterpark or an amusement park or something with him. spend the whole time riding on coasters and clinging onto him bc i keep forgetting im scared of coasters each time i get on one. we go and do all the other rides and we try winning prizes for each other. getting snacks all around and just trying to do everything. and once we're hungry dinner for sure. i think something like minecraft!cheddars or like. hell. minecraft!olive garden i dont really care on the specifics its just kind of based on what we feel but i would really wanna dine out w him. taking a booth spot and we just talk and talk and then eat and then talk and he gets dessert to go and finally we can head home and just crash on the bed bc What A Day!!!

[hajimeow-archived]

Yo Hajime talk abt ur kin mems

since there were no specifications on which ones i am going to start from the beginning and go where my brain takes me from there. they're all gonna be for hajime bc i physically cannot think about my other memories anymore jsyk

also! this ended up being so long i had to put a cut. i will not be apologizing because i feel no remorse.

so first the basic stuff, i remember having a med skin tone and a FUCK ton of freckles like those motherfuckers were everywhere i had skin. also i was 5'7 i think?? or 5'6. i still can't remember exactly but it's something like that. i was also alloaro, some form of mlm, unfortunately cis, and autistic and probably had some other stuff like adhd or depression or whatever but i forgot. also i was kinda muscle-y but also chubby at the same time. and i had light green eyes. basically i was fanon hajime JSJSKDJDKS

and i was going over the wiki recently and my personality was EXACTLY how they described it like i'm genuinely surprised they got it so accurate

i don't remember much pre-game and post game, most of my memories are in game but i do remember pre game chiaki really well, honestly i rly miss her :( she would always reassure me that i didn't need a talent and i never even cared when she beat me in games cus just simply playing them with her was so fun .,.,,;:,,...,,!:&:&:jsjdjskskck</3

anyways. in game. ok. i'm gonna skip over memories where i just know feelings and not specific things like strong feelings or ppl saying stuff or else this would be so long. also obvious sdr2 spoilers

so i remember the party & blackout in the beginning of the game pretty clearly. i was mostly just standing alone in the corner and watching everyone have fun, but it was really freeing to see the others able to enjoy themselves in such pressing circumstances. then the blackout-- it was kinda like all that happiness going away and the dread and denial immediately setting in .

anyways i remember like panicking and wanting to cry when i lifted the table cloth cus i really liked twogami. i'm p sure i did end up crying cus i really liked them for their realism and leadership skills, and the realization that one of us killed them and that the killing game was actually real etc etc

anyway i don't remember much from the investigation or trial besides being really freaked out when nagito basically admitted to being the killer n stuff, and pretty much all the body discoveries after that (besides ch 5) we're just like "ah shit here we go again" but i do remember mikans trial really freaking me out when she just straight up shifted completely, and i also remember being really proud of fuyuhiko for putting his walls down a bit and deciding to help everyone out while the despair disease was going around

anyway enough of the boring stuff, i spent basically all my free time with komaeda, chiaki and mikan (in order of frequency) and with mikan i mostly listened to her talk about medical stuff and i comforted her when she needed to vent, but i didn't hang out with her much because the constant apologizing n stuff started to bother me since i really liked seeing her happy. chiaki i would mostly play games with and we wouldn't talk much, but she gave me a really strong sense of familiarity like when we played games together it gave me a shit ton of deja vu

AND i've already talked a lot about komaeda but idc i'm doing it again. so we started talking cus of him waking me up on the beach obvs and i was pretty attached right off the bat, but i stopped talking to him for awhile because the way he acted in the first trial REALLY scared me so i just got a pit in my stomach even being around him

but he was the one who started approaching me first, i'm guessing since he couldn't rly sense anything was wrong he just kinda picked things up where they left off and started talking w me at breakfast n stuff and it was pretty weird at first, but i wanted to give him a chance and didn't wanna be rude so i accepted offers to hang out in his cottage n stuff

i remember he has surgery scars tho and i'm rly mad ppl don't draw him with any!! i think he had about 5 and i don't remember all of them but i know one was a skin graft on his leg and the one on his side/stomach that i touched wassssss for appendix removal maybe???? mmmm i'm not too sure about that one tho

also !!!! his death. hoooooly shit. ok so yunno the despair that junko always talks about ?????? yeah <3!! i remember like once i saw his body and took the reality in i just. straight up could NOT stand i like fell to my knees and jsut . cried. like i had no thoughts my head was so full that it was empty i just kinda sat there and silent cried while chiaki stood next to me it was so awful dude

later while investigating n stuff i felt really bad ab how i treated him and thought about him, and i thought a lot about our last interaction. it was the first time i had ever approached him myself cus usually he'd come to me. i was gonna hang out with chiaki but i wanted to check up on him first, so i did and he told me to go hang out with the others and i just. knew something terrible was about to happen.

OH AND THE FUNHOUSE OMG ok i literally. i usually didn't mind being around komaeda like he was chill most of the time when he wasn't ranting about hope but when he was acting like such a bitch in the funhouse i wanted to punch his stupid twink ass so bad like...... what BUSINESS does this dude have being such an asshole. he doesn't even know what face wash is. what the fuck. which is another fun fact! komaeda did shower every so often which is why he didn't smell that bad but his skin was always so dry cus he didn't know how to actually wash right and do proper skincare so he just washed his face w soap and left it like that

also he didn't need to cut his nails cus they were so brittle they would just break off on their own <3 plus he had a nail biting habit so they just never grew ever

OH AND THIS IS THE SADDEST THING i remember feeling so bad for this man bc i would like put my hand on his shoulder and he would lean into it. i mean i'd tap his shoulder for a SECOND and girl when i let go hed be lowkey so sad i could just sense it like??????dude he needed a hug SSO BAD like when i hugged him in my cuddling memory he was like holding on for dear life but also was like "u dOnT hAvE tO tOuCh TrAsH LiKe mE hAjImE" like dude it was the saddest shit. i want to hug him forever. like what the fuck what the fuck!!!!!!!!!

also a thing hed do when he started ranting ab hope n shit like he would just go on and on and yunno that one sprite where he's hugging himself yeah he literally did that shit. also sometimes hed just stare dead at me and start backing me into a corner ((ish-- we were usually sitting somewhere but he mostly just got super close to me) and it was the scariest shit i. bro if i saw him like that on the streets i'd return him to the mental hospital like i can remember it somewhat vividly and that shit was TERRIFYING i mean obvs after i shoved him away and told him to cool it he'd apologize and go back to the way he was but jeez dude ....

also a little fun fact the only reason i really kept hanging out with him (i had a few ofc but this was the most prominent) is cus he was hot in my stupid monkey brain. yes that's it. like that's literally pretty much it. i hate admitting it but this post is SO fucking long i doubt anyone's gonna read it anyway so i'm admitting it now lol

anyway i hope u enjoyed :) i'm glad u asked btw! i'm sure you regret it though!

[aesudan-kholin]

For the ask meme. Aesudan.

cracks knuckles

Sexuality Headcanon: luke you specifically know about the way i interpret this. for the rest of you, straight*

Gender Headcanon: aesudan does not really lend herself to gender nonconformity and for that reason i think she is cis, but i haven't like tried to see all the angles on it like i haven't had late nights or spent more than 10 minutes thinking about her gender in my waking hours. i think if she wasn't cis she wouldn't really know or care enough about it to change how she presents. the dream i had where she was trans notwithstanding because she was one of many including the big man himself

A ship I said with said character: who the fuck ships aesudan like honest to god question. i know there was one person in the aesudan tag like 4 years ago who shipped her with elhokar. one day i will get around to inventing men for her to have affairs with in my little headcanon world or boyfriends pre marriage but those aren't Ships they're just worldbuilding

A BROTP I have with said character: elhokar pre gavilar death... i mean their relationship (IN MY HEAD like i could talk about speculation using knowledge we have about their relationship pre gavilar death but this is just my inner headcanon world where everything is how i want it) is not necessarily Healthy but they do rely on and lean on each other a lot and they do do friend things. so probably that. i've toyed around with lalai (Lalai. not ialai.) and her being besties but i haven't developed any of it

A NOTP I have with said character: elhokar/aesudan. listen i know this might sound like then reading about her in any effect would be unpleasant since they're married but actually its really not cause like. they're so??????????? whatever they are. they're not close like that. elhokar doesn't know her circa oathbringer like At All cuz he's so flabbergasted by all these things that she's been doing for Years. the only scene they have together is them arguing (and in the row prologue navani is briefly like oh look aesudan is talking to elhokar For Once instead of other men). even more than what was maybe supposed to be implied cheating circa row prologue. they just. I DONT KNOW!! THEYRE JUST FUNNY!!! other than elhokar like i dont give a shit if you shipped her with anyone else in the world. i swear i saw someone at one point talk about aesudan/jasnah and i laughed my head off but like if it floats your boat man!!! WAIT I DO HAVE ONE MORE THING callout post to my tomodachi life save for trying to get dalinar and aesudan together like 3 times

A random headcanon: she internally promised herself not to let elhokar name their child after he named his horse Vengeance. also she draws Stylized Art like she's the kid in middle school art class who gets told to stop drawing anime by the teacher and she goes "No 🖤" and keeps turning in "referenced" pictures of anime guys for every assignment. but she's on roshar and anime doesn't exist so basically she draws but she just didn't start with the fundamentals so her drawings look Cool but also Off like in the anatomy or whatever. but elhokar who likes art but doesn't have a Refined Eye for it goes crazy for it since everything else he sees is realism

General Opinion over said character: thats a big question. she is Bad and i will be the first to point out her flaws because i know all her sins that have been talked about. i love her though cheer every time she's on screen or mentioned like YES!!! CAUSE PROBLEMS!!!! i dont think i need to elaborate i trust that you guys understand and/or comprehend liking a character without condoning their actions. i like that i basically have her to myself because while some people in the world also give a shit about elhokar, no one gives the shit about aesudan. im the only mf out here as far as im aware, and i have scowered internet spaces for people talking about aesudan. i have this message i wrote from march 2021 which haunts me which reads "i wonder if anyone out in the world genuinely cares about aesudan". its you. you do.

[jazajas]

okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

[jaimetheexplorer]

I brought down by niks latest interview.Saying "J never needed redemp.He was a guy who certain circumstances in his life e.g. Kingslayer so then he needed to redeem himself bc he did this horrible thing when killing the Mad King. Then N said the redemp arc where he had to be good guy, stay with Bri etc that's not GOT.You cant erase ur prev life.Jaime bel that redeem urself meant redeeming his past and he couldnt. He can't cut off who he was.The idea of leaving C alone is impossible to him" Wtf?

2/2 Downhearted anon. Just that interview makes no sense. In prev season interviews, wasnt Nik wanting Jaime to escape Cersei for good and be with Braime forever, like he was the biggest Braime shipper??? I dont understand. Does he think ppl don’t remember stuff? Its a shame theres no way to ask him about this.

Dear Downhearted anon,

I have to admit I read only a short excerpt from that interview, so I might have missed some of the other content, but, from what I read, this is what I can say.

There are different layers to his comments, IMO. One is the take on the story, and the other is the justification of the writing choices. And, as much as I might vehemently disagree with the former, what I take issue with is the latter.

When it comes to the take on the story, we have to remember that he has to talk about the actual content of the show. The show, unfortunately, did go with the idea that Jaime is essentially doomed to never escape his past. I do not believe that is his arc in the books for many reasons, and I think it was extremely underwhelming, nihlistic and unsatisfying even just taking the context of the show into account. But, unfortunately, nihilistic and unsatisfying is what we got. The show was aiming for romanticizing incest and abuse romantic tragedy with JC, in the end (I actually think there was a far more disastrous chain of events at play, which required multiple OOC developments for multiple major characters just to arrive to Jon killing Dany - but that’s a longer story), and it is what it is. He has to talk about the reality of the episodes, not the alternatives.

If you take most of Nik’s comments, and go back to read D&D’s and Cogman’s interviews from the past, you’ll notice that it’s mostly stuff that’s lifted straight from their quotes, even down to the language: “good guy/bad guy”, “he doesn’t have a redemption arc”, “it’s just life, and he has made some mistakes”. I don’t know whether this is because he had a “final season” briefing with them and came around to see things their way and agree, or because he was told this is what he was supposed to say about the story, or because even though he doesn’t agree with it, this is what was written in the end and so this is what he talks about. His reasoning for saying these things is anybody’s guess and kind of beyond the point. But, where before he used to have his own take on the character and his arc, he’s now basically regurgitating the party line.

For my part, I never completely disagreed with the idea that Jaime does not need redemption per se. Jaime doesn’t need atonement for slaying the Mad King, for sure. He needs recognition for that. He needs atonement for a other horrible things he’s done, but even those (e.g., pushing Bran, the incest) are more about moral gray areas areas than villainous behaviour per se, since he’s never committed atrocious acts just for his own selfish gain, or for power, or because he enjoyed hurting and killing. More importantly, I have always seen Jaime’s story as more of an identity arc, where redemption is just one component. In that sense, I can agree with the take that that he is a “complex character who, at times, has made some terrible mistakes”. Jaime is not, and never was, a straightforward villain who needs to atone for his sins. He’s a much more complex and layered mix of sins and honour, and goodness and idealism turned bitterness and cynicism, and a messy product of living most of his life in toxic and abusive environments who, in some situations, has committed some horrible mistakes that he needs to own up to and face the consequences of, and who is trying to redefine and reinvent himself in the aftermath of some life-changing events such as losing his hand, meeting Brienne and growing disillusioned with Cersei. 

The problem is that, while D&D preach about Jaime being a complex character who does not need a ‘cheesy’ linear redemption arc, they also, in the same breath, justify an ending that shoves him precisely into a clear, black-and-white, simplistic category (”he just accepts he is a hateful man”) or display the psychological depth of a 5th grader (go check out their take on the sept scene in their Oxford Union Q&A and their inability to think in any more complex terms than “good guy/bad guy” or to understand that not all “bad” actions are equal). They’re not deep writers, and that shows painfully in their execution. But I can understand the “no need for redemption” arc, from a theoretical/philosophical perspective.

What I take far more issue with is justifying writing choices by attempting to play the realism card, or the adult writing card, or the “this is GoT” card, basically implying that everyone who dislikes or criticize it is being unrealistic, immature or unsophisticated for not accepting the only inevitable outcome to a story (I wrote a twitter thread about it this week). Just because your story has decided to depict things in a certain way, it does not mean that that is the only realistic option for the story, and that people who expected/wanted/hoped for something different were fooling themselves, let alone that it had to be written that way because that is how life works.

Sure, there are people who fail to break away from their (abusive, traumatic, toxic, what have you) past and move on, but there are also plenty of people who do, and who end up thriving. One outcome isn’t any more realistic or true to life than the others. And, while some might think this is a hyperbole, it is highly irresponsible, IMO, to say that being unable to escape toxicity and your past is “the way things are”, when there might be people out there who do struggle with trauma, toxic and abusive relationship (or know people who do).

On top of that, it is rather silly to imply that we were expecting some unrealistic, too-easy scenario, where Jaime flipped a switch and totally erased his past overnight. That implication is misguided, at best, and dishonest, at worst. We put up with four entire seasons of show-only “non-linear” storytelling when it comes to Jaime, and were incredibly patient with it. Wasn’t the point of those four seasons precisely to show that life is complicated and he couldn’t just let go of his past so easily? We watched that. It happened. Nothing about this was easy or unearned.

Had we been shown a Jaime who was 100%, stupidly and completely devoted to Cersei at every turn, cruel, evil, selfish and not caring about the innocents, of course expecting an outcome where he just leaves it all behind for a honourable wench or what have you would have been a ridiculous expectation to have. Indeed, back when Jaime did come across as that kind of character, nobody was expecting anything from him. He could have died with Cersei under those bricks and most wouldn’t have cared.

Instead, for years, we were shown a Jaime that did struggle between his toxic past/Cersei and his honour and, far more often than not, we saw his honour win out. While I can see an argument for saying that didn’t guarantee an outcome where he did break free of his past for good, it’s not like like there was no buildup or seeding for the more positive, less nihilistic alternative. So I don’t find it so far fetched to have expected the events of S7 to be the last straw that finally tipped the scales completely to the other side (especially considering how 8x02 was written very heavily to imply just that or, at the very least, did not seed any doubt).

By Nikolaj’s own admission in TONS of interviews, he had been fighting with D&D for years because he expected things to move in a certain direction and kept getting frustrated when they didn’t, or when they confused him. He wanted the exact same things we wanted for Jaime and in his relationships with Cersei and Brienne since SEASON 2. He might have resigned himself in the end to having lost the battle, but he behaved exactly like us for years. So, assuming he believes what he is saying, if I could talk to him, I’d ask him how is it that he got the same feeling of “expectation” for something that in the end never came? Maybe because the seeding for both options were there all along? Maybe because, if the seeding for both options were there all along, the alternative isn’t so far fetched and inconceivable after all? Maybe because if the alternative isn’t so far fetched and inconceivable after all, then what we got isn’t the only inevitable way this could go down? Food for thought.

Of course, I want to believe that he isn’t that tone-deaf and unsophisticated as an actor (and a writer) not to realize that the only problem with the way Jaime and JB were written in S8 was not the fact that they didn’t get a HEA. Ignoring the writing quality, for a moment, and just focusing on the writing choices, there were literally dozens of ways of writing a story that ended even in a similar tragedy (EVEN with Jaime dying with Cersei), that would have been far better and more satisfying than what we got. The problem isn’t that Jaime didn’t declare his everlasting love for Brienne or that he didn’t stay together with her. The problem is that we patiently waited through all the buildup and seeding mentioned above, for years, for a relationship that ended up being butchered within 30 minutes, destroying literally everything it ever stood for (first and foremost trust and respect - I am not going to list everything, but Jaime trying to sneak out without so much of a goodbye and being completely indifferent to her pain after she vouched for him and saved his life multiple times was not only OOC, but completely unnecessary to the plot, unless it aimed to destroy the foundations of their bond, way beyond the romance).

To conclude, I’ll leave you with GRRM’s own words, when asked about Jaime’s redemption arc that he, unlike the show, has explicitly stated he wishes to explore:

“I want there to be a possibility of redemption for us, because we all do terrible things. We should be able to be forgiven. Because if there’s no possibility of redemption, what’s the answer then?”

The show decided that the answer is that we don’t escape our past. We are doomed from the beginning and any attempt to change and move on is eventually futile (and that ended up being true of nearly every character in the show, not just Jaime). But that doesn’t seem to be at all the stance GRRM has on this whole thing, and I would dare anyone to tell me that GRRM’s vision and his writing are inferior, too easy, or less realistic than what we got from the show.

There’s no guarantee that Jaime will survive in the books, or that he and Brienne will get a HEA (although I do not rule it out at all).  But the fact that the man who invented these characters and this world has a different stance on Jaime and redemption automatically invalidates any nonsense show people can say about how this was the perfect and only way it could end, and that expecting anything different from this series was wishful thinking.

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

HIStory’s ranked (no one asked, but here i go)

so i was sittin here, talkin to myself about the HIStory series’ and was like ‘hey, i should rank them’ (which i’ve seen a few other people do, but mines a lot more rambling than there’s because i can’t shut up lol) 

so here’s my views lol (ordered from worst to best, imo):

6) My Hero (HIStory1) -

probably universally acknowledged as the worst episode, and i’d be inclined to agree with the masses on this lol... not only is the tone and humour of this series so weird and disjointed, but the entire story line literally makes no sense lol?? it’s unclear who the audience should be rooting for (especially as it goes out of it’s way to paint our protagonist as really unlikable lol, not to mention the love interest is the dullest character ever conceived like ???), as well as this the ending feels completely unrelated and bizarre... 

i think this concept /could/ have worked if the guy the woman was inhabiting (which sounds weird without context, but like she’s dead lol) was somehow also inside his head? or if she got to see his memories or whatever & tries to adjust her personality to match the guy’s, causing love interest!dude to fall in love with the guy... (like i could go into more detail, i basically hav an entire au written in my head lol, but yh...)... that way, her letting go of him in the end would feel so much more well set up? especially if she was generally more understanding and likeable.. 

i think overall this series just fails in telling a decent story lol... & the cringe is even beyond what i can handle lol

5) Obsessed (HIStory1) -

people might be surprised to see this one so low down, especially since i know a lot of people really love this series (& if u do, no hate to u btw, ur allowed to like whatever u want idc), but i realllllly don’t like this series... like at all ...

the plot is weird anyway, which isnt inherently a bad thing, but then u add on the really bad couple and it’s just...... bad lol... like everything about their relationship is built on lies and deceit, and even more so than that it’s built on a lack of mutual respect and fundamental trust for each other! tall guy (i don’t know names soz) feigns memory loss in order to get closer to short guy (btw, the scenes with them being domestic were really sweet, & i firmly believe this could have been an alright series for the actors if the story line wasn’t so bad), short guy’s whole existence in that universe was a lie lol (like i know there’s no easy way to tell someone ‘lol well i’m technically from the future’ but still), then there’s the whole resolution at the end & it’s just so ??? frustrating lol!

nothing bugs me more than seeing conflict in relationships (on screen or irl) that could be solved simply by TALKING TO EACH OTHER GODDAMNIT & isnt lol... my other issue with this series is the fact tall guy 100% forced himself upon short guy in the tent & like we’re just supposed to accept it cos ?? he’s saying no and pushing away but actually he wants it because he loves tall guy ?? like fuck no i’m not accepting that lol! 

basically, bad & bizarre story & characters, & gross tropes just makes this hard for me to watch and enjoy lol... i think, like in my hero, this could’ve done with being a different story altogether lol... (maybe tall guy actually did lose his memory & he falls for short guy all on his own with no predatory intentions?? idk something like that)

4) Right or Wrong (HIStory2)

this one & my number 3 are very much tied tbh, but this one is just slightly lower just because i’m not as big into the couple as i know a lot of people are... & it’s not necessarily the age gap, cos i dont actually mind age gaps in pairings (just as long as the younger one isnt a minor, obv... and also i think any gap that’s 30+ years is a bit weird lol..).. i think my big problem with this is i dont really see why younger guy (again, i have no idea of any of these characters’ names lol) would fall for the older guy? like the older guy is obvs going thru some issues, and hasnt been taking care of himself or his kid properly because of them, but like we dont rly see a lot of why he’s a great guy? like we get the sense young guy is attracted to him, but like love is more than just thinkin they’re hot lol... idk lol this might just be me tbh i just couldnt see why he’d be interested lol

i did like the whole family side though, and showing how a man who was previously with a woman can still end up with a guy (bisexualityyyyy (or some variation of that thereupon)) is something you dont always see in media, so i thought that was pretty cool! (even if the ex-wife thing was kinda lame lol...) 

i think overall i see what this series was going for, and that it actually did an alright job in some parts... the biggest problem is that it’s kinda just forgettable lol... maybe that’s why people like obsessed so much lol? maybe it was a train wreck but ohh boy at least u wont forget it in a hurry lol!

3) Stay Away From Me (HIStory1) -

i’m a bit torn about this one, cos there are parts of it i actually really like (them going from rivals/enemies to being good friends to being more), and other parts i really didnt (the stereotypical squealing yaoi fangirl friend)... & tbh, i kinda wish this had just been a show about the budding friendship between the 2 guys... it almost feels too forced to me that they’re made to ‘fall in love’ when i actually think them both becoming less selfish and learning to respect each other as step brothers & friends is actually already a really great story (& i know that it doesnt fit with the whole ‘HIStory’ thing, but stories of platonic brotherhood/’bromance’ are just as important as gay representation... isnt a /substitute/ for representation, don’t get me wrong, but it’s always so beautiful to see decently portrayed non-toxic friendships between guys... ok this is a rant for another day tho shhh)

i think maybe why i like this one more than the other HIStory1′s is because kinda nothing happens lol... it’s not overly complex with weird unexplained magic things happening, it’s just a simple story lol... is it still tropey as hell? of course lol! but i think the ‘realism’ of the world really helps, and i def think this was incorporated more into HIStory 2, which i’m really glad about...

overall, this is a relatively harmless series & is actually quite sweet at times... the kiss is awkward as fuck tho (there, i said it lol...)... it suffers the same forgetability as right or wrong tho... 

2) Crossing the Line (/Boundary Crossing) (HIStory2) -

ok, so here’s a series i 100% love & totally agree with the hype around lol! i hav no interest in volleyball (or any sports tbh), but the way this show handles the friendships and dynamics between the characters is really well done, especially for a series that’s only 8 episodes long! i also really love that none of the characters really fall into any stereotypes (which is a great improvement from HIStory1 i can tell u lol), and are given the space to actually have some growth & nuance at times?! 

(nuance? in MY HIStory series?? it’s more likely than you think!)

the main couple have really amazing chemistry, and the way they get together doesnt feel too out of place or that it’s going to fast, it just sorta flows really nicely... even the side couple are pretty well done (though i wasnt that big into them on my first watch, just cos the whole overbearing older brother thing was kinda annoying... i liked them more as the series went on tho...)

i kinda dont have any major complaints? which is bizarre cos i always hav complaints about things lol... maybe my complaint would be that they all look way too old and attractive to be whatever teenage age they’re supposed to be lol... (but tbh that doesnt take anything away from the story so i’ll forgive them lol...)... i think maybe i wouldnt consider it my favourite because the story line didnt grab me like the number 1... but i really cant fault it in terms of what it delivers lol, legit such a well put together series!

1) Trapped (HIStory3) -

lol i think anyone who’s been following me for the past few months aren’t in the slightest bit surprised this is my number one... i just love it too much lol!

from the incredibly well written and well acted characters, to the interesting and engaging (even if a bit ridiculous) plot, to the beautifully told romance , it really has it all doesn’t it!!! & i think even if this wasnt an enemies to lovers thing (aka one of the most godtier of all fanfic tropes), there’s so many things going for this series that make it worth watching! i have a few complains about editing choices and a few bad trope plot points which were just unnecessary (plus the fact we missed out on a lot of background info on some major characters lol...), but like despite everything this series rly struck a chord with me deep down in my soul lol

i could go waaay more into detail (and maybe i will one day lol... tho not rn, i’m v tired), but the gist of the matter is: i really love trapped lol

(conclusion)

Even though i’ve complained quite a bit here, i am so grateful for the HIStory series’ for bringing really interesting, and a little mad, stories with gay characters and story lines, with a big emphasis on happy endings! there are so many lgbt stories/characters in things that end up dying or just have bad endings, which just sends this horrible message that lgbt people aren’t worthy of having happy endings, which is completely untrue! 

So i look forward to future HIStory’s, even if some of them are gonna be bad (& maybe none will live up to the trapped!shaped bullet firmly lodged in my heart lol)

fin~

[demitruli]

Hey, I keep forgetting to ask you (Disney princess that you are :-)... Do you like any of the live-action remakes of the animated films that have been coming out. I thought B&tB was pretty good but the others I haven't bothered with since the trailers haven't really grabbed me. But we just saw the trailer for Mulan and that looks AMAZING (besides being one of my all time favorite Disney animations). Just wondering what you think?

Well hello hello hello, it must have been over a year and a half since I last answered an ask, so THANK YOU for this opportunity 😊

Also, I’ll have you know that I squealed at the Disney princess part. How original of me.

On to the question. I have absolutely loved a lot of the live-action movies that Disney has made -The Pirates of The Carribean, The Parent Trap, The Princess Diaries, Ice Princess, Bridge to Terabithia and The odd Life of Timothy Green to name a few. But not the remakes. NOt. thE. rEMAkES.

Mostly is the philosophy behind them that bugs me than the execution. If I want to feel nostalgic about my childhood, I will watch the original, not the freaking remake with the stupid CGI effects. Yes there were some things added to some of the movies that made them a bit intriguing to watch, but those were not worth paying a ticket, not worth watching more than once, and not worth sacrificing the company’s time and money that it could have used to make new movies, animated or live-action, I dont forking care. New. I don’t believe Disney has run out of ideas, it has so many wonderful minds working for it - and Frozen II certainly proves so (you’re not the only one nudging. Heheheh). But the more remakes are made, the more it shows that they DONT want to use those wonderful minds, they just want something ready, which had succeeded in the past, and because the original makes people nostalgic they will come watch this one to try to get a taste of the magic of their childhood back. Well, guess what. The magic is sucked out of these movies. At least when I think about them, all that comes to mind is money money money. Ready food for Disney.

Let me talk a little bit about the ones I have watched separately.

Maleficent was the first one I watched. And the only exception to the rule. Because lets not kid ourselves, it had nothing to do with the original but the costumes, it was a completely different movie with an incredible plot twist, Angelina kicked ass, and it was just beautiful. I loved it.

Cinderella was the second one. I didn’t love it, but I didn’t hate it either. Personally, I didn’t really like the fairy godmother at all, and I hated the CGI mice, JUST GET REAL ONES, they weren’t talking anyway... But the movie, in general, was different enough to thrill me, and offer me something new. We knew what happens in the story of course, but the development of the prince and ella’s relationship was nicely portrayed, the villain actually felt like a hurt and relatable human, and the characters actually had.. you know, a character. Also, I liked the backstories with their parents. But it was a movie I wouldn’t watch again, to be honest, and that says a lot for someone that has seen every disney movie over a hundred times. No, I am not exaggerating.

The Jungle book was borning. Seriously I almost fell asleep watching it. Cool kid, cool effects, but gosh that was such an indifferent movie.

I loved the beauty and the beast when I first watched it, now I loathe it. I get why you like it. Emma and Dan kicked ass, they were both amazing. And the effects were cool, and the music was the same, and everything was the same, and everything was... the same... They didn’t even try, just added a couple of songs and the tiniest gay reference to get the lgbtq+ community on board, and those are enough reasons to remake a movie. You must see it because of them, it will change your life. Just... why? But I have to admit Emma was a good reason to watch. She was the cutest. And that line at the end “How would you feel about growing a bierd”, YES. THATS THE CONTENT I CRAVE. You know, if you’re gonna make live-action remakes for us that were kids when we watched the originals, GREAT, grow your movies along with your audience (like frozen II did. *Wink* *wink*). Give me Belle being a beast in bed. Give me Aladdin showing Jasmine a “whole new world”. Give me R-rated movies, Disney! Oh you won’t do that cause you’re a kid-friendly company? THEN STICK TO FORKING ANIMATION. For the love of-

Speaking of Aladdin, let’s not speak of Aladdin. Cause the only thing worthy in that movie was the Speechless song.

I didn’t even bother with Dumbo. That creature gave me nightmares from just the poster.

And now we’ve come to the King.... of BULLSHIT. (Truli is aggressive today, yikes. Me mad). It was basically a movie about showing off Beyonce's talent by random songs of her screaming SPIRIT over and over. I mean she killed it, of course she did, but that’s beyond the point. Do I start with the fact that this wasn’t even live-action, it was an animation remake of an animation but like 1000% worse and 1000% mechanical and emotionless. Seriously the models didn’t have facial expressions, the little actor that played simba (THE TALENT!!!!!) was bawling his eyes out and the cub on screen was flat faced. Look, with animals you either go for realism or you go for a cartoonish look that has emotion. They sucked at whatever they did there. Here is an amazing video that voices exactly what I found wrong. Jesus, this is one of my best friend’s absolute favorite movie, he is a literal Simba (dad died when young, horrible and abusive uncle, I guess I'm the silly, hakuna-matata friend in this jungle of our lives) and he FORBID ME of ever mentioning this monstrosity of a movie ever again. THEY RUINED OUR LION KING. WHY???

Now Mulan... I have to admit it looks good. Like, really forking original and accurate and adult and maybe R-rated, good. But I did make a commitment after the bullshit king to never watch a live-action remake again, so I don't know if I’ll see it, in the theaters at least. I know that it doesn’t make a difference, but I’m out. From now on I’m only supporting animation, or original live-action movies. Just ORIGINAL. Not stolen work that leaves all these talented animators and brilliant brains out of business. Also, did I mention I saw frozen II five times in the theater. Cause I did.

Yeah, so overall, I just think it’s sad, you know. Just look at how the remakes outnumber the originals, and most animated aren’t even Disney, they’re Pixar.

I want my Disney back.

(you touched a sensitive button there, sorry for the rumble and all that bitterness. I might watch Mulan tho, cause it genuinely looks good and I am a hopeful soul, I just dont want to believe everything is going to suck from now on.)

[kingsephir]

Lately I’ve been annoyed and I’d rather complain to mostly strangers about it so here we are

When I do something that I know I’m not going to finish or am not going to do perfectly and I’m not mad about it either. Like it’s okay if I don’t finish it- I don’t plan to. It’s okay for the thing not to be perfect- it doesn’t need to be. But of course upon the inevitable truth of someone finding out what I’m doing or just simply asking about my life and hearing how I feel about my project (bc I don’t lie and I won’t lie about how I feel about it) they say things like. “Oh you can do it!” Or, “keep your head up!” Or the WORST one “you’re so smart and capable you’ll do amazing!” It’s so FUCKING TOXIC. Like I get it. You want to be nice and reassure me but am I asking for reassurance?? Do I want it?? NO. Are you all really so un fucking comfortable with someone who has accepted their ACTUAL abilities or maybe have lowered their own standards so that they can lead a PEACEFUL FUCKING LIFE. Because it’s taken SO. LONG. For me to be comfortable with imperfection and yet at every single stage every single person just HAS to push that obscene positivity on me. GUESS WHAT I DONT WANT IT. I. DONT. WANT. IT. I want realism, I want my realistic goals and my backup plans, I want to trust things will go well, I want to pray to my God and trust him to have things go in my favor. I don’t HAVE to be perfect, I don’t HAVE to even be GOOD. If being mediocre at some things makes my life easier and happier than so be it! Don’t feel sorry for me! Don’t try to cheer me up I’m SICK OF IT. Don’t get me wrong I do that to people too and I’m not sure what the solution here is? Probably my own attitude needs to change but honestly?? People are forcing positivity on me and I don’t want it. People who know me would think of me as a positive person, always happy, productive, healthy. But the past few years I’ve stopped putting on a face for others. I’ve been more and more unapologetically me. I am more neurotic, I’m in a constant state of melancholy and nostalgia, I like dark colours and cold places. I am not your therapist, I am not your life coach. I have an eating disorder, and depression and yet I love my life. I fail and I love my life, I succeed and I love my life. I love feeling every single emotion that I am gifted as a human and for so long I have been denied the ability to feel anything negative. All my life in fact! But the beauty of life is being able to feel it all to experience it all! And I don’t want someone to feel sorry for me! Even on my worst days I’m having a heck of a time. Why do we have to be so uncomfortable with negative emotion- we don’t have to hide it we don’t have to shout false positives to cover it up. It is what it is! And if I don’t want to succeed at something leave me alone!! It’s okay!! It’s my choice!!! Stop telling me I can do it becuase I don’t want to and when it ends up that I don’t I just end up feeling like I failed you! But I don’t care about your opinion I do what I want. When I want. How I want. With who I want. IM TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED. TIRED! TIRED! TIRED! I’m not gonna tell you anything!!! Ever!!!!!!!! I’m getting married and all people ever say is why didn’t I hear about it? “I want to be your maid of honor! Why didn’t you invite me to your engagement party?” It’s my marriage not yours I’m not having a wedding bc we don’t want one that simple. And no you and 12 other people who have asked can’t come to the courthouse and see me off!!!!! It’s my life! My relationship! It’s FOR ME. I DO WITH IT WHAT I WANT. THIS IS MY RANT AND ILL RANT ABOUT WHAT I WANT. MY LIFE IS FOR ME.

Okay I’m done.

[segernatural]

1, 4, 28, 31, 38, 42, 44, 50 :)) (soz its a lot)

ajsksk thanks tumblr for not providing an option to turn on asks through mobile on android. Regardless, here we are!

1 - last book i read? The last proper book i read was the great gatsby.

4 - is there a book you think needs a bigger fandom? I think the Brightly Woven book needs a bigger fandom. It doesn't even have a wikipedia page

28 - first book that comes to mind. Rant. Brightly Woven. Dude, you have no idea how much i love this book. Its a fantasy based around wizards and magic, where we follow this girl names Sydelle. She's a seamstress, and she ends up accompanying Wayland North as they get up to some wacky adventures. I love the realism of it, the characters. Dont even get me started on the characters. Sydelle is fantastic. She's a small town seamstress who is stubborn as a mule, and makes the best of her situation. She learns magic and potionmaking just because she wants to help out. She's no damsel in distress and is willing to do the work. And then Wayland is just a softie wrapped up in too many things. He wants to protect sydelle, but goes too far sometimes (and when it happens, sydelle doesnt just go "oh thats so romantic" bc its literally not, she scolds him and makes him realize that he's not always right) but he really cares for her. And their banter is great and it feels real, yknow? Theres chemistry between them, it doesnt just come out of nowhere. And the best part about this book is that Alexandra Bracken wrote it in university (or something) as a gift for her friend. Like?? What?? I just, i love this book. Sadly, its out of print now, so i have no idea how you could read it.

31 - how do i think i would be described in a book? I think i'd be described as the one who's always there. Like, maybe you dont always see me because i can be quiet and ordinary, but i'm always around😂. Always giving random information about things and shouting positive encouragement.

38- favourite genre? I'm trash for dystopian and sci-fi.

42 - how do people read in the bath? I think some people have those tray things that they set their books on, or they arent too worried about wrecking their books😂

44 - favourite book quote: "I'm antisocial, they say. I don't mix. It's so strange. I'm very social indeed. It all depends on what you mean by social, doesnt it? Social to me means talking to you about things like this. Or talking about how strange the world is. Being with people is nice. But I don't think it's social to get a bunch of people together and not let them talk, do you? An hour of TV class, an hour of basketball or baseball or running, another hour of transcription history or painting pictures, and more sports, but do you know, we never ask questions, or at least most don't; they just run the answers at you, bing, bing, bing, and us sitting there for four more hours of film teacher. That's not social to me at all. It's a lot of funnels and a lot of water."

50- do you read classics? What's your favourite. I have read a few classics. Most were for school, but i have read a few outside of classes. My favourite was probably Fahrenheit 451. (Is that a classic? I think it is😂)

[bartsugsy]

Okay, your talking of the neck stroking got me wondering: being realistic and keeping in mind the 7pm time slot what sexy-ish/flirty stuff would you like to see between Aaron and Robert in future?

CLOOOO

I still want Aaron straddling Robert but it’s never gonna happen 😢

(but like.. @ed writers… if u wanted to…)

Uh, my main wants (and in fairness, I’m not the best person to ask, because I got excited when Aaron’s hand hovered over Roberts back for 2 seconds, I’ll clearly quite literally take anything)

But tbh any more wall slamming they wanted to give us, gentle or not idc, would be greatly appreciated.

The standards: hugs from behind, neck kisses, all excellent

any casual touching tbh i just love it. Waist??? Neck??? Thighs???? Who cares I’ll take it all, touch each other everywhere and film it, that’s fine nbd

Does hand holding count as sexy???? IM A LESBIAN ITS SEXY IN MY BOOK GRAB THOSE HANDS BOYS GRAB THEM ALL DAY LONG PLAY WITH EACH OTHERS HANDS IM ALL ABOUT IT GET THAT SEXY HAND TOUCHING IN THERE

UH SECONDLY DO NOISES COUNT AS TOUCHING??? …WHAT WAS THAT??? “FUCK SCIENCE”???? OK COOL I WANT THEM TO MOAN INTO MORE KISSES I’M ALL ABOUT THE MOANING

AND BY THEM I CLEARLY MEAN RYAN BC RYAN IS THE MOANER HERE

(AND OK YOU DIDNT EVEN SPECIFY TOUCHING SO I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID ABOUT SCIENCE SORRY SCIENCE U A GOOD BITCH)

ALSO IF AARON COULD KINDLY PUT HIS HANDS IN ROBERTS HAIR AGAIN I WOULD BE FINE WITH THAT

(I WOULD SCREAM?)

not mentioning rob putting his hands in aaron’s hair, that’s right, i have restraint

ALSO MORE FLIRTY POST-SEX SCENES WOULD BE GREAT. JUST ANY AND ALL POST-SEX SCENES. THEY DONT EVEN HAVE TO BE UNDRESSED MAYBE THEY WERE BANGING IN A CAR SOMEWHERE WHO KNOWS WHO CARES I JUST WANT TO SEE THEM ALL FLIRTY AND READY FOR ROUND 2

ALTHOUGH SO ANYTHING ON A BED TBH WHO CARES PUT THEM BACK IN A BED ITS NOT LIKE THEY LEAVE IT ALL THAT OFTEN COME ON NOW, WHERE’S THE REALISM?

ALSO IF ONE OF THEM WANTS TO PULL THE OTHER TOWARDS THEM BY THEIR CLOTHES OR WHATEVER THAT WOULD BE

YOU KNOW

FINE

LOOK IM A SIMPLE GIRL WITH SIMPLE NEEDS AND WHAT I NEED IS FOR THEM BOTH TO BE TOUCHING ONE ANOTHER AT ALL TIMES, LIKE THEY’RE ON AN OFFICE RETREAT AND PLAYING SORT OF SEXY NEVER-ENDING TEAM-BUILDING GAME

that’s all

[swooncraft]

Thoughts Into a Void-Art & Depression

This is me... organizing things for myself to get back into the swing of things. It’s a little disjointed, but it.. writing things out like this, reflecting, always helps me. It’s not sad and woe is me like.

Taking any time to share a thought and having the power of the internet to spread that to numerous people is amazing.

There’s a disconnect for me somewhere along the line. The platforms I use, while some are made for stories and comics and others aren’t, there’s just something inherently frustrating about spooling out one large cohesive sum. Not just as a reader, I assure you it’s frustrating as a creator too.

When I first learned people make and share their own comics online I was floored. I’d been writing stories and making doodles with them all my life. Ten years ago I shared my first page to the internet. Here it is.

I love realism with a hint of magic or sci-fi, and maybe you can blame Temix for that, but I realized something about that single page; “Why was it only one?” I asked on the forums how people on that site go about posting to make sure people were keeping up and remembering what was happening between posts. My art was crude (for being a young self taught teen artist), but very well intended; and it took me twelve goddamn hours to complete over the course of a week.

A lot of what people said was to have a schedule, people who like your story/art will stick around and remember. I heard a few people agree that webcomics had more dedicated fans, because you posted once or twice a week they would spend a little more time looking at the available pages.

That didn’t seem.. Right to me. I did the same with real comics and manga. If I liked it, once I was done I’d look back through the art... And how could posting a page at a time be beneficial to anyone? One could show consistency and integrity in a schedule with a several page post once a month or one full chapter every several weeks. It boggled me.

I kept drawing though, because I didn’t have several pages to share at a time. I tried my best to post once a week. I worked 50 hours as a manager at the time, so the ten hours I was spending on these pages was a huge investment. After a year I burned myself out...

Part of it was that I didn’t have the artistic skill to depict the things I wanted to do in that old project. Part of it was that it was gaining steam and had something like 30 people following and anticipating it. Part of it was my lack of planning, and still being a little new to storytelling on the scale the project needed...

So, I didn’t draw for months after I hit that wall. It.. was rough. We’ve all got issues, and mine and my inability to get back on my feet back then made me very volatile to myself.

Temix had just gotten out of art school and tried convincing me to draw a bit. I doodled, because she knew how to approach me about it and make it something I couldn’t back down from.

Sooner than later I dreamt about a zombie apocalypse and Deadgirl & Sue were born. With a lot of help and shaping by Temix.

The mission was ‘fuck art, tell the story.’ And that worked fine for a few months and several pages. I didn’t set deadlines for myself, and I didn’t care when I drew two right hands...

Even though this one haunts me to this day.. Anyway, fall of 2010 became summer 2011 and I was reeling internally about this non-schedule and art and story. So I stopped again. But I didn’t kick myself too hard about it because unlike my first comic, no one was paying attention to DG&Sue.

I’d been writing a lot anyway, and was feeling really good about the growth I was making there. I’m ‘good’ at art, I’m ‘okay’ at singing, but since I floundered on story years prior I learned and felt that that was were I shined. Just putting words on a page. I still mostly agree with those sentiments. Maybe now I’m a ‘little better’ at art, and ‘decent’ at singing, but I’m still a star at storycraft.

It was 2013 when I got back on track to finish that single first chapter of DG&Sue. I’d spent the previous 8 months writing a novel. I had the premise for the story in my mind for a few years so I wrote. I learned a lot and crafted something that.. Is really rough and raw, but it’s something I’m still very proud of..

So that fall I finished the second draft, Edited it all myself (though it still probly has plenty of grammatical and spelling errors) and reread it a hundred times to make sure it was only what it needed to be... And submitted it to several agencies. While waiting for replies I finished the last handful of pages for the first chapter of DG&Sue.

it was done. Not only did I write a 65k novel, I finished a comic. It wasn’t completely over, I left it a little open in case I wanted to bring the characters back. For a while though, Juliet and Sue got to rest in peace.

Meanwhile.. Let me be honest. The agents... Who the fuck am I? I’m a hack that flails against a keyboard screaming endlessly into the void; “NOTICE ME, BUT PLEASE DONT LET ME NOTICE THAT YOU NOTICE ME SO I DONT GET OVERWHELMED.”

All of the agents rejected me.

I wasn’t expecting to wow all of them.. I thought one might want to see the whole novel and tell me it could work if I changed something major about it. But none of them-Some of them in their emails back were offended that I submitted my query to them.

That really fucked me up. See, earlier THAT year I hit rock bottom as an alcoholic. Writing that novel helped me stop drinking. And after all of the months and long nights I spent refining that story the best I could to be rejected... I couldn’t kid myself though. None of my friends would even read it. So, I reiterate; screaming endlessly into the void; “NOTICE ME, BUT PLEASE DONT LET ME NOTI-” And I felt really dry. I couldn’t just not do anything about those feeling, but I couldn’t resort to liquor and video games weren’t taking the edge off...

So, to quote a great book, “I felt like destroying something beautiful.” Created a nice new little OC... And sent her through some good old fashioned Lovecraftian horror to fucking break her the way I felt broken inside. It beats being a no life drunkard, and it’s better then shooting up a school or suicide.. The first draft was a short story outline. And I thought, ‘It might be nice to do this as a comic.. to try using.. photoshop like Temix keeps suggesting. I’ll practice colors while I destroy this poor girl. I’ll become intimate with yellows like I became intimate with tones while drawing DG&Sue. And I’ll make Lovecraft my own like I made Priest, and Way, and Palahnuik my own.’

And this release of my feelings...

I decided to do it right. It was scheduled. And made sure it had an ending I could reach. It was a shining yellow light in deep blotchy darkness, Ink was more well received then I ever imagined it would be.

So, I toyed with expanding it while it was being finished. Picked up the threads I left for DG&Sue hoping.. Thinking that if I were working on a rotating schedule, that I wouldn’t get bored, that a new thing to work on every few months would keep me challenged... That I wouldn’t get overwhelmed... and stop.

I wasn’t wrong.

I haven’t missed an update in close to three years now. Sometimes I forget to post at one place or another, but the pages are available somewhere.

Over those years I expanded to several internet mediums... Swoonsphere of course, The Duck where I first started at, DeviantArt, Imgur, Pixiv, Tapastic, and I was directed to upload on Tumblr too, even though it doesn’t lend itself to webcomics...

Between Imgur, Pixiv, and Tapastic, being the only places I do bulk page uploads, I see terrible, but consistent growth every time I post on Tapastic (the other two there’s views, but not a lot of following). Which brings me back to something someone asked me recently, and what I started this and my webcomic career with.

Why don’t I post batches on Tumblr? On most sites?

I considered it. But everything is generally bite sized and easily consumable on these types of sites. That’s why I’ve been more stressed out lately. I’m not hoping that people will follow my Tumblr, because it’s not my... place. It’s not the right platform for what I do. I can only hope that people will see a fragment of a story, or decent art, or decent colors, or interesting tags and click the links to my website where it’s easier to read. I don’t make money off of Swoonsphere, the ads on it are usually blocked or disabled anyway because there’s no traffic. So.. Is it bad practice to hope someone will open a new tab to take a closer look while they’re scrolling through their Tumblr feed?

You know? Like I said.. screaming endlessly into the void; “NOTICE ME BUT PLE-” I don’t know how to market my comics. I dont expect people to come around for my art streams, and I dont expect people to be wowed by my ‘finished’ art. I just want people to read my stories and want to know what the next step is for the characters, or tell me what they think, or ask me why things went the way they did.

Personally I think my stories are a little cheesy and tropey, but have some unique things, and if nothing else, have characters that you can root for.

But I’m tired.. And feel myself after 30 months burning out. Because like my novel no one’s actually read what I’ve done even though it’s readily available for simple viewing. If it’s something wrong with Swoonsphere, I could direct people to the Duck or Tapastic. I post everywhere, and the sum of readers after all this time is hilariously low.

I’m not stopping yet. But I am frustrated, and disheartened.

[typologycentral]

[INFP] Am I an INFP or ISFP?

WHY I'M AN INFP: I read in between the lines and am too sensitive (as told by my friend) I'm a shy person who is a homebody and will enjoy my alone time unless asked out by friends. I have a shy smile according to the mirror. I see things from a few angles rather than one and due to this I find it hard to side with anybody. I can think of many scenarios and am plagued with what ifs, could bes and maybes. I'm a secretive person and find it hard to talk about my feelings. I look to the past for facts that seem inconsistent to the present. I dont scare easily in horror movies because I anticipate what could happen and it's usually one of the possibilities that have happened before that will turn out right. Violence worries me greatly. I have a strong connection to the past and sometimes i wish i was born in the past. Looking at old films keeps me locked in wonder. I love history and i'm a sentimental person who always has nostalgia on the mind. I'm a playful and mischevious person who likes making others laugh or to lighten the atmosphere. I always manage to trip on or hook my shirt on something and the tripping occurs frequently it gets so annoying. I really find it a huge chore to take care of my body and my best friends are wet wipes. I think of doing things more often than i actually do it and at times dishes would get washed 2 or 3 days later. I get stressed with too many details and usually ask what is the main point of what the person wants that is the thing i should take of most. I dont carry on doing something if I find it unsustainable in future. I know a little about alot but not alot about a little. Sometimes when i show someone a meme i expect hillarious reactions but she/he will usually laugh at what they thought was funny (a small part) but really it is funny only when everything adds up. I love soft toys and pastel colors and fantasy related items. I tear alot especially for situations that touch me and it can be a simple thing but I feel such heavy emotions. I have random ideas to describe the same situation. I can't understand black and white logic and why some people trust facts so easily. I like doing things in new ways and routine is a vampire that sucks me dry. I'm a subtle person who can get uncomfortable with straightforward people. I choose the right times to say something and am innately aware of how might the outcome turn out to be. I care too much about what others think and i reflect almost always. i get lost in thought while gazing at nature. I like dressing up nicely but often it can't last long before i dress shabbily again and i don't even bother about how i look. When i walk into a room I often forget what was i there for. I'm sensitive to the emotional atmosphere around me. I can tell if someone is feeling a certain way even if they deny it I'm not convinced because inconsistency betrays. I dont need info to be applied to enjoy it for knowledge's sake. I finish other people's sentences. I know if something tastes different from before. I'm very indecisive because i see too many perspectives to a situation. I'm a quick witted person who sees connections easily. I'm a worrywort and i worry for the future. Even if someone deserves the punishment I still feel for them. I have a hundred nicknames for my mom. I have a hard time killing anything because they didn't choose to be born this way. I'm a perfectionist and a sarcastic person and i tend towards self-sacrifice. Sometimes I find it hard to focus on one thing and always end up fidgeting or finding something else to do. My focus is always on self betterment and to improve on my weaknesses. I have 3 handwriting styles and 3 favourite colors and there is no default. I'm often misunderstood. I am able to decipher what a person meant to be a joke but others take offence easily. I'm not afraid of the depths of sadness and that emotion in me is felt more often than happiness. Sometimes I feel lonely even with close friends. I find it hard to answer online tests because there is more than one way of looking at a question. I have been thinking I'm an ISFP or INFJ for a close to 2 years and just recently i realised I may have mistaken Se for Si and Ne for Ni. I've eliminated my being INFJ and so far ISFP fits me, I've been searching on intuitive ISFPs cuz I might be one but the search always comes up short. THIS IS WHAT IS STOPPING ME FROM CLAIMING THE INTUITIVE TITLE: I'm aware of my surroundings. I'm very logical and common sensical I have good control over my body's reactions (tripping not included) I have read somewhere before that tert Ni tends to have an interest in the occult and bizarre, thing is I do too. I dont recall my dreams where INFPs are even able to remember it, write it down and dream often. I have ideas but none of them are big or big enough to want to change the world. I do not theorize much and I like facts that I'm able to trust. I'm not into literature, I can stand poetry but not a big interest in it. I like realism in art I've forgone an art teaching job for an office job because I think of sustainability and stability due to being enneagram 6. I feel that I dont come close to the INFP stereotype (I'm not dreamy and unpresent) I love pastel colors but most INFPs mentioned they like darker colors. I'm not bubbly like people online describe of INFPs. SOME FINAL THOUGHTS: could a sensor be just as intuitive as the real deal? For a 6 who is the poster child for awareness, it's so ironic for me to be so unaware of my own thought process. The ability to see two sides to a situation.....could it be due to my enneagram type (ambivalence), being Fi-dom (willingness to see the the best in others), or tertiary Ni (which is also able to see two sides to a coin)? I've never recognised any intuitives before as almost everyone around me are sensors, am I just a sensor who is more intuitive than the rest of the sensors or am I balanced on the intuitive/sensing scale? If you've read this far thank you for your patience and time. It's so hard for me to settle because I'm on the search for myself and wouldnt want to end up on the wrong type. And each time I settle with being an intuitive, the sensor in me rebels and flings me back into doubt. (I'm 649/694 tritype) This endless cycle of triple doubting has caused my every waking moment to constantly look for answers and i feel so restless. Can you please tell me what type do you think I am and if I'm that type, why do I feel like the other type too at the same time??? https://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=96127&goto=newpost&utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[imprxmptxnx]

Tips and tricks for my future son. Pt3

101. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Assume, until proven otherwise, that most people are not coming from a malicious place. Like yourself, everyone is just trying to get through the day.

102. Do not pour water on an oil/ grease fire. It will create more fire. *same with my future mixtape

103. When visiting another country, learn the most basic greetings and always attempt to speak the language a little, even if you totally suck. Locals will appreciate the effort.

104. If you want something you never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.

105. Please respect yourself enough to wait for the right person who makes you happy rather than rush into something with the wrong person just for the sake of it. Don’t compromise your core values.

106. Keep your head up in failure, and your head down in success. Remain humble.

107. It’s ok if you’ve never had any sort of spiritual experience, God loves you just as much as other people.

108. Practice like you are the worst, play like you are the best.

109. Open the vent on your suit jacket.

110. Don’t ever litter.

111. During a conversation, dont one-up your friend. “Oh man I only slept for 6 hours today”. “I only slept for 5″. No one likes those kind of people!

112. Try to fix things yourself when they break. You learn new skills, save money, and won’t panic the next time it breaks.

113. Don’t do drugs (legal or otherwise). I’ve never seen drugs (which includes excessive alcohol) improve people’s lives and I have seen it destroy many.

114. Be realistic. Everyone says you should be optimistic (which I 100% agree with and can say one of my stronger qualities!)… but in all honesty, I think a healthy dose of realism is best.

115. Pinch your nose closed when throwing up. It reduces the amount of acid burn you feel by a lot.

116. Don’t be suprised when trials come. The bible says to expect them. They do deep work in your soul.

117. Everyone you meet knows something you don’t. Remain humble.

118. “Any decision you make in this household, you make it 3 times. Once when you make it, once when your sister makes the same decision after watching you do it, and once when your younger sister makes the same decision after watching you and your sister do it” - your Grandpa

119. Incase of a seizure, try and move nearby furniture so the patient wont get hurt. Let them get on with it. Once its over, move them somewhere safer. If it last more than 2 minutes, call the ambulance.

120. Always send a thank you email after a job interview.

121. You can’t save everyone.

122. You can try your hardest to not be a toxic person, but sometimes you still will be. Apologize genuinely, and learn from it.

123. Not everyone is going to like you and you don’t have to change who you are for them. It’s much more important to like yourself as a person.

124. Some employers are more concerned with personality rather than skills. If you made it to the interview, you have the skills.

125. If it has to do with the desier to learn, there are no stupid questions. Asking questions shows that desire. And a desire to learn should be applauded. 

126. Contrary to the popular belief, I think it doesn’t take one to know one. You don’t have to be a chef to know the food sucks at a restaurant. You know what I mean?

127. Let someone know you’re picking up the tab for a meal AFTER they’ve ordered. This allows a considerate friend to order what they want freely and also prevents someone from taking advantange of your generosity.

128. If you’re buying a house gift for a friend, don’t buy anything that hangs on a wall.

129. If you’re going to ask for a favor, always include the word “because” in it.

130. When on a speaker phone, always announce that everyone may be able to hear the conversation.

131. If you want to marry an awesome person, see to it that you are doing everything you can to be awesome.

132. Even if you’re sure a friend can’t go to an event, invite them anyway.

133. Don’t say maybe if you want to say no.

134. If a cop pulls you over at night, turn the dome light on so he can you inside your car. Showing him you have nothing to hide.He might get you off with a warning. *Unless you have drugs, then I failed as a father hmm

135. Always move a passed out drugged friend onto their left side to avoid suffocating. *Just incase you failed my advice of finding good friends smh hmm

136. You might have heard that teaching others is an effective study method. Treat your word document as your clueless friend when studying.

137. Caring what other people think about you is just part of being young. The sooner you can learn to let go of your attachment to other people’s validation, the sooner you begin to live your real life before retirement.

138. If you can hear them but they can’t hear you, you’re the one with the weak signal.

139. Initiate handshakes with profesisonal women just as you would with men.

140. If someone asks you a question that may seem stupid to you, do not critisize or laugh at the person asking. They are attempting to learn and you may discourage them from asking in the future. Remain humble.

141. If you are having a stressful day or period of life, keeping your room clean and personal belongings well organized must be top priority.

142. Life is too short to hate Naruto ;) you already know we watching that together hehe

142. If you want to sound sick when calling in to work, lie of your back while hanging your head over the edge of the bed. You’ll sound congested. *Please dont abuse HAHAHA

143. Contrary to the popular belief, it’s ok to question adults.

144. Never assume, let alone comment, that someone’s job is easy just because they make it look easy.

145. Our hearts must break so that we can be like Christ.

146. Get 3 hobbies. Something physical to get in shape with, something social, and something creative/artistic.

147. If you like a girl, don’t ask her to hang out. Ask her out on a date.

148. Sometimes you just gotta say “screw it”. Be bold!

149. BUDGET BUDGET BUDGET

150. Don’t ever be afraid of coming to me when you need someone to talk to. Let’s take on the world together!