#maybe those men ARE fucking
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everyday rpf starts to seem a little more appealing to me
#I’m like staunchly opposed to it but#I fight a lot of demons on here denying the urges#like maybe I deserve a little rpf as a treat#maybe those men ARE fucking#this isn’t a reference btw those men can be whoever you desire in your heart
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“trans men don’t have any real safety concerns to worry about” i can’t wear a mask when i go into public bathrooms even though i’m higher risk and bathrooms are some of the easiest places to get sick because i don’t reliably pass when my facial hair is covered and i can’t risk not passing when i use the men’s room, but i also can’t just use the women’s room for safety anymore because i don’t reliably pass as either binary gender anymore. so my only options are to risk getting sick, take my chances with the consequences of not passing, or just never use the bathroom in public (which has its own health risks).
and today, it almost didn’t even matter that i was putting myself in danger to ensure that i passed because, thanks to a faulty lock and a man who didn’t think to knock, i came very close to having my half-naked body exposed to a bathroom full of cis men. if i hadn’t been holding my coat on my lap because there was nowhere in the stall to put it, every single guy waiting in the (very crowded) bathroom would’ve seen that i didn’t have a dick. how well do you think that would’ve gone for me? my money’s on Not Well At All.
#it took me a solid hour to stop shaking after#like yeah maybe the guy who opened the door would’ve have done anything but what about all the other guys?#i feel like the chances that None of those guys would’ve had a problem with trans people is pretty low#i’m so fucking lucky it didn’t happen but even coming that close was Terrifying#starting to use the men’s room consistently is…a time#but when i do it right i get less weird looks than in the women’s room so it’s not like there’s a better option#transandrophobia#transandromisia#transmisandry#virilmisia#virilphobia#anti transmasculinity#transmascphobia#trans men#transmascs
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The funniest group of people to come out of arc 8.
#This isn’t completely accurate#Heinkel and Al are both fairly self aware of how fucked up they are#But then they meet Rowan and Cecilus and suddenly they’re like “you know what maybe I am normal”#Meanwhile Rowan and Cecilus are living off in I’m the main character land#If anything they don’t think they’re normal. They’re better than all those normal people#Shoutout to Groovy Gumlet. The only normal man in all of Re:Zero#And we’re talking about a guy who uses his blood as a homing device and willingly fills his body with poison to stop feeling pain#And he has beef with a sword#And his name is GROOVY#And yet somehow he is the most normal perosn out of these 5 men#re:zero#rezero#heinkel astrea#al rezero#cecilus segmunt#Rowan Segmunt#Groovy Gumlet
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listen I'm not gonna be a Curly apologist he did Fucked Up as captain but I genuinely recommend ppl watch a playthru that goes thru the game in chronological order. It kinda helps clear up the events and gaps between them, bc even tho u See the times, you still experience it out of order.
The stuff Anya says definitely sets off alarm bells but it doesn't seem like he Fully Understands what she means, and I'm going to be 100% honest I think she was trying to repress it herself. This isn't to say that she is AT ALL "at fault" for what happened after and she should've gotten help even if she wasn't ready to fully discuss the issue but I genuinely think she herself was still coming to terms with things, so she didn't necessarily process the full impact before talking to Curly, and a lot of what happens occurs after they're laid off- like this delves into personal interpretation but I genuinely think Anya only registered Jimmy as a serious danger after his outburst towards Curly. Ofc my interpretation is limited bc of the limited pov in game and not having gone through what she has, but it personally reads more akin to coercion over time than a singular Obviously Violent incident (like. Not to say that Sexual Assault isnt violent in nature, just that coercion often specifically works to obfuscate the fact it is a form of violence.) The layoff is a Massive catalyst for her bc of Jimmy, in that she now has a very clear understanding of his capacity for aggression.
To extrapolate a little from the "Dead Pixel" conversation, she starts by saying she Likes The Screen (even though it's fake). While Curly has his quotes about the pixel "not ruining the illusion" which. Y'know is Symbolic Of His Flaws. She doesn't say the pixel ruins it, just that she can't get it out of her mind.
If we take the pixel to represent her Or jimmy, either way the way she talks about it kind of downplays things, like it's a Minor Thing that's Slightly Upsetting, but she's still okay with the big picture. Idk I could be 100% wrong but that is my take
Besides that, Anya tells curly she's pregnant 2 days before the crash, and it isn't until she outright states it that he starts Putting The Pieces Together. I want to note, he says "I'd do anything" and "this doesn't have to go on our performance evals" 1. Before he knows shes pregnant 2. Under the assumption she might attempt suicide, and I doubt he even thought about her using the gun on anyone else before she brings that up. He says literally before the line where she tells him she's pregnant that "being laid off isnt a reason to hurt [herself]". Like I've seen ppl talk about the performance evaluation thing like it's about her and jimmy, but I think he's referring to (his belief) that she might attempt suicide or similar which might genuinely be a consistent thing he's seen her struggle with, given she's able to go through with it. Also just to note: assuming their society is like ours (hellish) reassuring her he won't blab Abt her mental health is like. Genuine reassurance- lots of mentally ill ppl will Not Open Up bc it could have long term consequences (like. For example. On employment) ANYWAYS I hope it doesn't come off like "Curly never failed Anya" but rather "Curly approached this specific situation without the context of why Anya is panicking and (possibly validly) assuming she's dealing with a very different issue"
Also let me say again the time frame is 2 days. We don't Really see what happens, but we know Anya tells Jimmy without Curly knowing. I genuinely believe he maybe didn't do a Great Job in those two days (the fact he says Anya should've talked to Him before telling Jimmy is uhhh. Mm. 1. Your job to create an environment where she comes to you my man 2. Weird to tell her what she should do with HER OWN PERSONAL INFORMATION) but like.
I get a lot of ppl want immediate consequences but consider that they can't really get rid of Jimmy (co pilot. Which is. Y'know it's Own Problems) but also like. Curly knows Jimmy, and we know that Jimmy tends to lash out. Curly should probably Not Confront Jimmy Unless He Knows Exactly How To Keep Him From Hurting Anya. Like I'm not an expert but this is something genuinely important- when confronting an abuser you NEED to take into account the impact it can have on their victim, and sometimes for the victims safety you need to wait until you have a Solid Plan. It sucks but it's important.
And theres discussion to be had about Curly kinda going along with Jimmy saying "well what if we all died" and like. I do believe he Didn't Realize What Jimmy Said. Like he was just processing/trying to keep the situation under control (and failing because he underestimated how willing Jimmy was to hurt everyone including himself).
Like he's definitely an enabler but I would say his problems are mostly before he understands the gravity of the situation, in that he's friends with Jimmy and assumes the best of a man with abusive tendencies, and fails to create an environment that can keep Anya and the others safe. Like, he definitely doesn't handle in game events perfectly (psych evaluation for one- he does do it instead of Anya which is actually helpful, but he still treats it like. Weirdly.)
Idk I have a lot of thoughts about this game and I don't necessarily want to defend Curly but more like. Anya's situation is very delicate (and light on details) so sometimes the way ppl talk Abt it feels like they aren't actually focused on what she wants and what it means to prioritize her safety y'know?
Edit bc I just now figured out kinda how I want to word it: curly is an enabler and making things worse bc he doesn't put a stop to Jimmy's BS, but in the specific scenario we see in game I think he's trying to use his Skillset of like, people pleasing not for Jimmy's sake but for the crews (like "if I nod my head and say I sympathize he won't lash out and hurt them") which like. There are situations which that is unfortunately the safest option (on an individual level yes, but sometimes it's also necessary to prevent abusers lashing out in response toward ppl who are more vulnerable) but it was the Wrong Choice.
It's like. I think Curly was trying and had good intentions, and understood that he needed to protect the crew, but he didn't have the toolset/experience to realize he can't Just go along with things and that he needs to be able to set hard limits, even for ppl he likes and trusts. Like he failed but the failure was "for want of a nail", where it began way before what we see (for want of an understanding of power dynamics I guess.) Again, don't think this makes curly more forgivable or whatever, I just think he's a good example of trying to make the right choices when you never realized you'd have to make these kinds of decisions and therefore are unprepared and/or unaware
Second edit: personally I don't think you can really incapacitate jimmy without there being serious risk (again he's the copilot) but curly should've given Anya the gun when she told him Abt the pregnancy
#Mouthwashing spoilers#Rape ment#Suicide ment#SA ment#Yeah. Pronouns were kicking m fucking ass in this post. Names also bc I once called curly jimmy#if I write to much my brain stops cooperating with words#Idk. The way she brings up the locks in my mind sounds a little less like#Singular Incident and more. The lack of locks is a Very Important Boundary That's Missing#That feels like it often leads to the erosion of other important boundaries especially when someone abusive#Is specifically pushing those boundaries. Idk again. My take on it#And while Anya says ''i told you'' a part of me thinks she told him like. Y'know vaguely about the situation but probably didn't#Characterize it as assault (bc even if he didn't believe her I don't think he would ask ''who'' if he remembered her telling him#That his friend assaulted her) and was maybe not interpreting it as assault herself bc she was trying to rationalize it#Bc she's in a very isolated situation for over a year in a place where Two Whole Rooms Have Locks.#Realizing she was in the cockpit (has a lock) when Curly is assuming she's suicidal (or at least going to hurt herself)#And then she's in the medbay (has a lock) when she actually. Y'know#Idk I'm fully up to debate this. If someone has good reasoning why curly is actually worse than I think he is I'm all for it#I'm just trying to like. In the context of my beliefs understand the actions he takes and how they fit in within the timeframe#But legit watching a chronological playthrough helps A LOT bc like. Game is super impactful nonlinear#But like. That's not how the characters experienced it and it really fucks with the timeline of events intuitively#Anyway again. If u hate curly that's entirely understandable I just want to try and organize my thoughts while keeping#The timeline and my view of events relatively straight. Feel like there's sometimes a lil too much focus on how the men failed Anya#When we should focus on what Anya's needs and wants are. Which ofc from our POV characters are Hard bc. It's curly and jimmy#But still it's worth trying to understand her better than they do#Game that makes you think so much your brain becomes mouthwash
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I'm new to Sade so sorry if this is a stupid question, but was Sade gay? I'm currently reading Justine and noticed the passionate, semi-romantic descriptions of m/m sex, which contrast with the crude descriptions of f/m sex. I've not read all of Sade's books, but the ones I have read also feature characters who're mostly disinterested in women, who give off self-insert vibes (e.g. Dolmancé). Am I reading too much into it? IDK but I was wondering if you could shed some light.
Happy deathday to Sade!! lol
Really all that can be said with certainty is that he definitely wasn't straight lol. Like anyone who died before modern queer theory, Sade's sexuality can be difficult to label with today's terminology. He was certainly attracted to both men and women, so for simplicity's sake I just say he was bisexual. But really, who knows...
Characters that he uses as self-inserts like Dolmancé in PitB or Bressac in Justine are pretty exclusively attracted to men. Like you said, there's multiple times in his writing where characters will praise m/m sex and show blatant disgust towards sex with women. But if you look at Sade's life, there's only one known* male sex partner and many women. There's also several women Sade was in love with throughout his life, but there exists no letters of him professing love to any man. Could this be because male victims were less likely to go to the police, therefore less known to us? because women were easier to pursue in public? because even he felt the pressure of societal norms? because he kept relations with men better hidden? because any such letters or records were selectively destroyed by a relative? Who knows! It could be some, all, or none of these things. It's really up to the interpretation of the reader. The misogyny, philosophical extremism, and very culturally different ideas about sex add so many different variables to Sade's sexuality.
To add further confusion: gender and sexuality were much more correlated in Sade's writing (and seemingly in the time period in general, I mean look at the bisexual Lord Hervey being referred to as "the third sex"), male characters who get sodimized call it them "becoming women", women who put on strap-ons "become men", even women who get sodimized are masculinized: Saint-Ange says she wants to be a "Ganymede" to Dolmancé. So sodomy seemed inherently gay to Sade, regardless of the sexes involved or what roles they played. Whereas today, that's definitely not the case. Beauvoir follows along with the sexuality-gender correlation and suggests that Sade felt more feminine than masculine and his written contempt for female genitalia was a product of his own gender frustrations. From what I've read, most modern historians tend to avoid labeling Sade with anything other than "sodomite" and "libertine" only using "bisexual" and "homosexual" to label certain actions he performed like "homosexual sex" "bisexual orgy" etc. This is when the word queer is godsent.
Tldr; He's too 18th century libertine for modern labels. Colloquially, I default to calling him bi, but we'll never really know. Maybe he would have preferred gay due to his preferences/philosophies. Who knows. Safest bet is to just call him queer.
*Should go without saying but, there were obviously more. Latour is just the only named one with recorded proof.
#sade not really having any close male friends throughout his life is so crazy to me#like its the 1700s and you DONT have a homosocial-homoerotic Friend you profess eternal devotion and love to???#get with the fucking program man#but it does make sense for Sade tho; he was so antisocial and insecure I can't be too shocked he didn't have male friends#Ive always seen his prefernce for female friendships as an extension of his control freakness and misogyny#I don't think hed be able to maintain a genuine friendship with anyone he considered a societal threat; which eliminates any other noblemen#he liked to be the most powerful person in the room; so he only befriended those he saw as ''beneath'' him#We have that very telling letter he wrote as a teen to his father where he became close to another boy in his regiment#he says smth like ''I am his friend; I have reason to believe he may be mine but what can we believe anyway? Friends often prove defective''#he just did not befriend many men in his life#I think it's an ego thing but who knows#maybe he genuinely did enjoy the company of women more; or like how Beauvoir suggests; he identified more with women than men#or both idk; those aren't mutually exclusive#maybe sade would have liked the split attraction model lol#prefers sex with men but relationships with women?#or maybe he would have hated labeling everything#but he did love his numbers and data and theorizing so maybe he would have liked it#the machinations of his mind are an enigma#Fritz is so obvious. Like that man way gay; no doubt#Sade??? uh.. queer#but thats just my opinion on it all. there's no right answer and I'm not a historian/anthropologist/psychologist#ask#anon ask
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shhhbhbubhbbbbbnnn
this movie fuckin destroyed me so heres fanart i made for a school art project
bone apple teeth to all four of you that are still insane about lisa frankenstein <3
#lisa frankenstein#lisa swallows#hrrgggggghmnmn what fuckin tags do i put here#those are the only two i’ve got goin for me#art#? maybe??#fuck if i know#OH#the creature#kathryn newton#ok that’s actually all i’ve got#may your men forever be covered in dirt and filled with bugs <3
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#john and kimmel are my guys but listen i do not think they'd fare very well in a fight#unless MAYBE you pissed john off enough that he starts beating you to death with a copy of your own search history#conan fights like one of those wacky inflatable arm flailing tube men and that terrifies me#jon's got all that pent up rage built up in him and he's just waiting to go apeshit i would not want to fuck with that little man#stephen could be a wild card but all he'd have to do is look at me and i would perish immediately#seth barely moves one inch and i pretend i have been shot so i don't have to fight him#i feel like craig is the only mfer here who can legitimately fight#stephen colbert#john oliver#jimmy kimmel#seth meyers#jon stewart#conan o'brien#craig ferguson#strike force five#strike force memes#strike force#last week tonight#the late show with stephen colbert#the late show#the colbert report#the daily show with jon stewart#the problem with jon stewart#the jon stewart show#jimmy kimmel live#late night with seth meyers#conan#conan o'brien needs a friend#late night with conan o'brien#the late late show
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I haven’t ever necessarily wanted to write a crossover fic before, but between Julian, Lucio, and Astarion, the temptation is mighty. What would going to a tavern with them be like??? Or shopping??? Or a heist??? The absolute chaos that would ensue would be mind boggling. The fucking drama that would occur if the three of them were in a campaign together.
#i've had this sitting in my drafts for an eternity#and i'm posting it now based on the beautiful artwork i just reblogged#also the spice I could write#the hilarity that would occur with those three in the bedroom#and how soft and sweet it could be#I feel like Lucio would be insanely jealous of Astarion#wildly attracted to him#and also his ultimate hype man.#julian and astarion would just endlessly flirt with one another#and I'm so here for it#julian also one of Astarion's number one hype men#bg3#the arcana#julian devorak#lucio morgasson#astarion ancunin#bg3 x arcana crossover anyone?#maybe a minific or something#or a headcanon#i want a boyfriend#and I want my boyfriend to have a boyfriend#and I want his boyfriend's boyfriend to have a boyfriend#that is also my boyfriend#i'm going to fucking do it#i'm going to write a drabble#or something#i've got to#i feel compelled
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https://x.com/MERCL4REN/status/1743286121973555513?s=20
find the difference level impossible :D but seriously, this tweet gave me a stomachache from laughing so hard.
THERE'S MY TWO CREEPY TOO SIMILAR VESTAL VIRGINS THAT MAKE ALL THE MEN ON THE GRID (except lewis) GO HUUUHHHHH???
#the tweet text salgfljasgfhljashfslja truth#but I love how they sometimes turn just wayyy too similar and at a distance the grid is like wait which is....#and when they drove triumphantly back to the pits those two times fist bumping across the air as they were side by side#the other drivers were like ohhhhh boy I don't like this#if they can weather a bad car the same#and then succeed in a good car almost the same#what will become of us mere men??#we do not like The Arts we do not like Silent Communication we do not know what they are saying when it is Just The Eyes#we are but men who get angry and dejected alone or celebrate and shout at the top alone or maybe we thump our brothers backs and laugh loud#what are these delicate creatures with hairless cheeks and babysoft heads of hair and adolescent skins#only Lewis stands apart and watches the pair with knowing and gladness that the future will be theirs#the natural rightful heirs to his disruption and inveigling of the most homogeneous sport known to man#Carlos: the Piastri Boy does not like me but he is soft like a woman should I love bomb him or fist bump him what do I do#Charles: I feel as if I should be one of them but The Men want me over here oh but I wish I could Join Them in Silent Beautiful Eeriness#what the FUCK am I saying#inchreplies#vestal virgins au
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i've been thinking about lesbian scott summers because the other day i made a jeanscott drawing where scott was a girl and like. how would it affect her, as a character, and how would it affect her relationship with other people (namely jean)?
scott's already canonically 'nervous' when it comes to his attraction to women. he's always like, "is this safe? it's not, it's not safe" until actively proven otherwise and EVEN THEN he's still like that (whyyy), and sure it might be because of his deadly eyes but add the lesbian into it. this shit takes place in the 60s, 70s, add the lesbian into it
#there is something about how society shapes people and how people shape society that is so hard to correctly show in media#in ways that aren't ooc. uncanny x-men begins in the 60s. bobby has been in the closet since the 60s#they already struggle because of how much the world hates mutants. add the fucking lesbian into it#there is something about the idea of xavier having repressed bobby's sexuality or smth like that because the ppl would hate them more#if they were queer. that i think would be fun to add into the jeanscott (+ xavier and perhaps bobby) dynamic#nothing can keep those two apart. so even if their sexuality was repressed. they still wouldn't be apart yk what i'm saying??#but.... society.......#smth about--#they can't help the fact that they're mutants so maybe queer people can't help the fact that they're queer#but it's the 60s#and they're lesbians#in the 60s#their love would still be the same i believe#but the way they might act upon it. the nature of their relationship. how much they show to the public. etc#all of that would change#the thing is. how it would change#the way society views people and the way people view society can affect how they show themselves to others#i'm not explaining myself correctly but please jst think about it#lesbian jeanscott... my beloved...#marvel comics#x-men comics#jeanscott#scott summers#jean grey#and GOD this isn't even talking about how the writers would. write them yk#like if scott was a girl we can know for a fact that they would not have been canon back then#so we can at least assume they wouldn't be together#until very recently#man this is so complicated#avis' post
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my coworkers are being turbo transphobic and literally refuse to listen to answers to questions they fucking ask argh!!! I can just tell you!!! I can just answer you!!!!! I have answers!!! to the ridiculous questions you ask in a mocking way!!!! if you listen for one second I can just fucking explain!!!! 😡😭😡😭
#they ask why would trans men NEED tampons for men since they are WOMEN why cant they juat use WOMEN ones those stupid silly women ugh#they keep coming back to the topic#and im like hey they are not women ^_^ and try to explain the concept#in easy kindergarten terms like hey you know how you wouldnt want to buy pink girly items because you are a (cis) guy! well#and them im cut off with more transphobic shit before i can say anything else#my coworker literally said her son told her and her husband they were playing spin the bottle on a school trip#and she asked so did you kiss any girls? and he said#sure when it landed on a girl then i kissed a girl (implying he also kissed guys)#and she said her husband was so shocked because hes conservative#while she said she just ordered the son not to say anything else#and she tells us 'i think he was just testing us or something'#wtf. i said well okay maybe he was testing your reactions and now hes not gonna tell you shit anymore#and she went like hm 🤔#also the irony of saying her HUSBAND is conservative while she fucking. misgenders trans men all day and jokes about gay men constantly#in a nasty way#all of them do#im so tired#she complained kids nowadays are so caaual about gay people#and i said okay well i love it personally they should keep it up#and NO ONE at the table supported/agreed with me#sorry i am on a work trip and suffering#transphobia tw#neri stfu
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you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.
you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.
so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.
you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.
you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.
you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.
you know you broke the rule by interacting.
but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.
#before i maybe get yelled at:#1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even#though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism#2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them#3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have#encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in#nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally#about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person.#4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces#and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too.#5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided#tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla#6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things.#7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl#i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know?#8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this#nyarla dni#<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks#adding this wayy later but a crucial part of the experience i Almost talked about it this but never explicitly did was that like#the measures ppl take to 'defend against men' are often deeply transmisogynistic as well. obviously#and when i see that it hurts me too. not that it hits me the same way when strangers assume im a trans woman and hate me for it#but it doesn't feel good to see transphobia at all. i focused on how that relates to other kinds of transphobia#namely transandrophobia here but like. it's all connected. lesbain separatism + exclusionism relies on both and they aren't always#distinct experiences. ime. anyway trans ppl i love all of you forever#i just thought me writing “*turns to the camera* and trans women exp this too.' wouldve been too much even for this post#i figured the audience would like. know that. and so far it hasn't been an issue. i have not been yelled at thanks guys 🫶
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I feel like I'm going insane. That episode read to me as a lot more tragic than other people are reading it. Yeah they were racist and rich and spoiled and awful but they were just kids. They were all just kids. Lindy was absolutely terrified throughout the whole thing and clinging desperately to what she knew, which was terrible. They could've had the chance to learn and become better but they chose to go die and it's infuriating and tragic because nobody deserves that. Nobody deserves to be eaten by slugs or die of exposure in the woods. Nobody deserves to suffer like that. But they chose it rather than let the Doctor help them because they'd rather stay in their rich white supremacist bubble and he just wants to help and there's nothing he can do.
Maybe it's because one of my core beliefs is that nobody deserves death and suffering. Nobody. Even the worst person on earth can learn from their mistakes and come back and change and everyone deserves that chance. There's no such thing as too late. But they're never going to get that chance because they actively rejected it and to me that's still very, very sad.
#dead men do tell tales#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#dot and bubble#I am losing my mind. I am actually losing my mind#maybe it's because my brain is always telling me that I'm the worst person alive#instead of just saying that no I'm not my response is to say yeah okay and even the worst person alive doesn't deserve to die and can chang#what matters is that I'm taking the next step. and anyone can choose at any point to take the next step#and they actively rejected doing that and it's sad and infuriating#because nobody deserves to die#but they get what they chose#there's also the fact that I was raised by racist trump supporters and had to unlearn a lot of shit#which I was only able to do because I got out of my small town cult bubble and I was actually willing to listen to people#the problem comes when you see assholes and go wow look at those horrible unsympathetic assholes I could never be like them#by treating them as solely monstrous and something completely different from you you ignore your own ability to be monstrous#because you're not like them you're better#even the worst person is still a person and not some cartoon villain#and thinks that their actions are justified#and I'm always looking at people being assholes and going what makes you think this behavior is okay. you clearly think you're in the right#seriously what makes you think this. I want to know your exact thought process so I can stay far the hell away from it#I've been the asshole thinking I was completely in the right and I've seen people be absolutely horrible and justify it to themselves#so I'm always aware that this could be me. I could be being a total fucking dick. so I'm going to study you so I can avoid that#also the next person who says it was because they didn't learn empathy/were unempathetic gets slapped
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just as people have done entirely too much in the opposite direction by trying to rehabilitate john as Not Abusive, Actually (entirely as pushback to trashy whumpfic which wouldn't have good characterisation as a priority anyway), this is true also for John Winchester Understanding LGBT Ally takes. yes he wouldn't be throwing around slurs 24/7 like an over the top cartoon homophobe. no i dont think he'd magically transcend the social context of his time and hold zero prejudiced views around queerness, particularly gender nonconformity.
#sorry i dont think midwestern guy born in the 50s who volunteered for 'nam is going to be super woke.#<- and its ridiculous that if you say this youre accused of fucking. MIDWESTPHOBIA.#like. ultimately i mostly just dont think its something thats on his mind in any major way what with his demon hunt revenge plot! but yeah.#the most straightforwardly accepting i can see him being is maybe telling sam and dean (if they ask) not to bother those people#theyve got enough to deal with. but nothing outright POSITIVE.#i'll grant that he'll respect queer men if they are very gender conforming in their masculinity. thats pretty conditional though lol.#“but u ship him with his sonwife” if you knew anything about incestuous csa dynamics you wld realise this doesnt contradict any of that 👍#dean is 'allowed' a degree of femininity but only in very specific contexts and only in so far as it serves john in some way#fully agree that characterisations of dean where he's just soooooo terrified of john finding out he fucks men are very stupid!#but i can think that without making the silliness be abt john not being homophobic. john knows and he takes advantage of it when he pleases#.txt
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Whenever people fail to understand that what we as an audience know is sometimes entirely different from what the characters know I get genuinely heated I need to put the phone down and just breathe in a serene forest or something because otherwise my blood pressure would get to a dangerous level
#'oh but why isn't she looking for magneto!!'#BECAUSE ROGUE THINKS MAGNETO IS DEAD YOU ACTUAL MORON.#SHE THOUGHT SHE WATCHED HIM DIE.#DID YOU FUCKING BOTHER TO WATCH EP 5 OR DO YOU JUST PAY ATTENTION WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING??#actually pay attention to the show maybe then you'll be able to understand the characters and their actions#'b-but what about rogueneto!!' she canonically does not love him idk what to tell you#like yeah ship if you want to but insisting that she#IN THE SHOW#would have got with Magneto if Remy was alive is just proving to me that Rogueneto stans didn't actually pay attention like at all#and i repeat#fanfiction and shipping is different in which case do what you want#she literally says 'some things are deeper than skin' or something along those lines#she only became close to Magneto again because they can touch eachother#she realises that in ep5 and chooses remy#she literally tells Magneto that and stops dancing with him!!#Rogue#anna marie lebeau#anna marie#anna marie darkholme#remy etienne lebeau#remy lebeau#max eisenhardt#erik lehnsherr#magneto#gambit#xmen#x men#x-men
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if you're famous and you don't smile at a fan or aren't polite, i think that says a LOT about your personality actually, and maybe you shouldn't be as famous or looked up to
#specifically! this is for events or red carpets and shit. not really when they're out like shopping or chilling#i saw a video of a little girl wanting to give what i assume are soccer player high fives and not one of them smiled. NOT ONE OF THEM#they didn't even lift their fucking hands to give a high fice#that little girl will remember that moment for the rest of her life how grown ass men couldn't even spare a single millisecond for her#this does NOT go for paparazzi! you should ALWAYS ignore those lame losers and call them out on their bullshit👍#but a non obsessive fan who COMES TO SEE YOU! WHO MAYBE EVEN HAD TO PAY TO SEE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!#like. come on now#sjonnie.text
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