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keynoma · 2 years

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SHOCK VALUE

CHAPTER 1

Here is the moment that you are all waiting for... What will going to happen?

A plot hole?

An OOC?

A random sex scene?

Would it be indeed a story where narrative value is just a suggestion?

Let’s introduce the sporkers for this grand sporking session, a so-called grand reopening and reunion for the sporking:

THE ONE WITH A PHILOSOPHY OF MORALITY - PHOENIX WRIGHT

THE ONE WITH A PHILOSOPHY OF OPTIMISM - MAYA FEY

THE ONE WITH A PHILOSOPHY OF LOGICALITY - MILES EDGEWORTH

THE ONE WITH A PHILOSOPHY OF PERFECTION - FRANZISKA VON KARMA

Management: Sporkers!

(The door was opened to reveal a grand, new, state-of-the-art theater. It was fitted with multiple air conditions and various colored lighting. Also, the theater seat was replaced with comfy movie theater beds. At the side of the cinema room was a buffet for the four.)

Maya: OH MY! FREE FOOD FOR THE NIGHT!

(Maya runs toward the buffet table)

Phoenix: Ah, finally. My wallet can rest in peace.

Edgeworth: However, our dignity? Not even a spare.

Phoenix: Come on, Mr. Edgeworth. Never be the edgy worth of pessimism in just a single dose of day.

*WHIPS*

Phoenix: YOOOOWWWCCHHH!

Edgeworth: Ah, Franziska! I hope you’re still well after the rumor of the so-called re-opening of the Sporking theater has been actualized after all.

Franziska: Better be, Miles Edgeworth! Is this some kind of joke that the Management offers us an improved theater with cohesive watching experience but in exchange for reading fiction, who represents us, having our value and worth being sullied?

Management: Ah, come on. It’s not like that. I know it’s going to be bad but in order not to consider it as complete overkill, I have to purchase a grand cinema house with the finest buffet. *WHIPS*

Management: Ok, ok, fine. I admit it’s bad. I just need help to comprehend this fic I’m reading. So, please, enjoy yourself a buffet.

Maya: Come on! Have a heart at least. Earn it as your rest day from your exhaustive work of being a prosecutor

Franziska: How does it help you? You know what will happen soon if you agree. Maya: You know, we have survived every bad fanfiction, So, knowing our experiences, is there anything that we never survived sporking on?

Edgeworth: (sigh) Franziska: Argh, for the love of your puppy eyes. Your call, Mr. Edgeworth. Edgeworth: …Mr. Wright?

Phoenix: Well, we wouldn’t want to waste the Management’s effort. So, it’s likely we are going to concede this. Again, it’s been more than ten years as sporkers, it should be a child’s play, at least.

*WHIP*

Phoenix: OWOWOWOW

*WHIP*

Maya: OWWWOWOWO

Franziska: Then, you made the right choice about the Management.

Management: …It is really the spirit of being a sporker. It is a fighter in becoming. By the way, you can ask me if you need any help.

Phoenix: Hmm, no psyche-lock since the beginning. I saw his statements are genuine but I don’t like the part where the Management admits the fic is bad.

Edgeworth: With or without psycho-lock, I already feel bad, Mr. Wright.

(The gang grabs the plate and gets the food from the table. Maya grabs all the pizza and hamburgers, Phoenix grabs the chicken sandwiches, Edgeworth gets the honey garlic salmon steak with the tea, and Franziska gets the salad skewer and truffle-flavored steak.)

(The gang occupies the theatre beds, which has installed food holder/table)

Management: Ok, let's get started.

(The light turns off, then the cinema screen fades in)

teh rasist ternabot this is realy ofensiv so u shoulnt red it if u are esily ofended

Maya: Uhh…

Franziska: Never knew that misspellings, missing punctuation and capitalization, grammar mistakes would appear in the same sentence. It’s not that I'm offended but it was the second beautiful language named English that would be offended for that.

Edgeworth: And maybe put the effort in the title and summary. That’s the first thing that the reader saw. Otherwise, you mess it up before everything gets started.

Phoenix: Maybe, people would misinterpret it as one of the other troll fics, not something that people would get comforted reading.

teh weed warz

WHIP*

Franziska: NEEDS!

*WHIP*

Franziska: PERFECT!

*WHIP*

Franziska: SPELLING!

Phoenix: So, we’re dealing with illegal drugs.

Maya: What is so ironic is that the Great Ace Attorney had an anti-drug campaign.

Management: The Management has highly encouraged Ms. Fey to not break the fourth screen.

Miles: That is not why I really fear it. It’s the “warz” I’m fearing.

teh beginin

Franziska: Honestly, that and the title has not even a single correct spelling on its word.

Phoenix: Wait. I think about it. Where is the...

Franziska: You mean anything with perfect spelling and grammar?

Phoenix: No, no, I mean the-

Franziska: A creative name rather than naming "the beginning" as the introduction to the narrative.

Phoenix: No, no, it's the-

Franziska: Zero, zip, zich, nada.

Phoenix: Argh!

Edgeworth: Now, I’m thinking. Since this story is titled, “the racist turnabout”, what made that become racist?

it elll begen wehn egdewrth lost his persocutors badge like sum time ago.

Edgeworth: I get it. Commonly a discrimination towards the character’s role and dignity and the art and beauty of English language.

*WHIPS*

Edgeworth: NGGGHHHH!

Franziska: How dare you? Not only you betrayed the name of von Karma but the name of the law. It’s an abomination to law, order, and justice locally and internationally. Now, explain yourself.

Edgeworth: Uhh…

he wux kot masterb8ting and wuz kalled gay and shit.

*WHIPS*

Edgeworth: No, the “Edgeworth” you should be asking is in the cinema monitor.

Phoenix: Now, we’re going from illegal drugs to public lewdness. What an inconvenient topic-changing!

Maya: (munches on hamburgers)

teh judg sad edgeworth u are gay andf 420 blazin butt you ckant fap in kourt. edgewoirthy said shit thos is fuking gay man i kkkan go 4 some weed.

Franziska: Although there are many grammar errors, at least the author gets Edgeworth’s name, also the longest name. But no, the capitalization here is missing.

Phoenix: I doubt that the judge would say much informal in court.

Maya: Woah, that’s a life-changer for Mr. Edgeworth but backward.

Edgeworth: Fine, fine, it’s not like I’m doing any illegalities especially since I’m a prosecutor.

Franziska: Better be, Miles Edgeworth!

soo egdewort start a lef of krime

Maya: Wow, too backward so much like we’re traveling back to the dinosaurs.

*WHIPS*

Edgeworth: NGGGGHHHH!

he raped liek inocent litel girlz and smokd wed everydy.

Franziska: It seems to me that we are reading another language, also known as, something that I don’t understand.

*WHIP*

Maya: That is way too backwards.

(silence)

Maya: Please, tell me, you’re not going into “Phoenix Drive” mode, are you?

Edgeworth: Nonsense, Ms. Fey. The only one doing this is the one who falsely mimics me, obviously, the one whom we are sporking to.

Maya: Mmhmm. Ok, that would be.

Management: Phoenix Drive? You know, before I knew it was a game but soon it was sporked, I thought it was an application that stores Phoenix Wright game files in the cloud internet.

Edgeworth: GAH! Please don’t give any programmer a good idea or any author a good title.

teh he started h8ting jews an joind teh KKK

Franziska: I realized that the maximum number of letters in a word that the author has correctly spelled except for the character’s name has finally reached seven.

Edgeworth: Franziska, this is not the way you should be optimistic.

Maya: Well, I don’t know how Nick, Ms. von Karma, and I equate into this story?

Phoenix: Maybe, later. This chapter focuses on Mr. Edgeworth solely, so let’s relax a bit.

(Phoenix drinks water)

meenwhiel pheenixkcz and moysa were having sex

Phoenix: PFFFFFFTTTTT! (cough)...(cough)

Maya: WHAT IN THE WORLD?

(Phoenix covers Maya’s eyes)

Franziska: That’s rather sooner than later.

Edgeworth: I guess this truly answered your question.

(Edgeworth sips the tea)

egde worth caut tehm butt tehn raped maya kuz he kan

Edgeworth: PFFFFFTTTTT! (cough)...(cough)

Maya: (covering her eyes) Why should I accept into this?

Franziska: Argh! Look what you’ve done with the perfect cleanliness of my clothes. And the perfectness of English grammar.

Phoenix: Alright, this is so early. It’s definitely not a good idea to introduce a character in that way, no less. This story only adds to its shock value, not the narrative value.

pheenicks said man i haet jew kuz thy are gay lol moay sid taht jews dont eat hamm, soo dey dint eat burgerz so thy are gay.

Maya: Huh? What with the not eating hamburgers because of religion purposes has something to do with being gay?

Franziska: PHOENIX WRIGHT!

*WHIPS*

Phoenix: ARGH OWOWOWW!

Franziska: You better not insult everyone in the world, especially this story insulted the second beautiful language.

Phoenix: Yes, yes, it’s not like I’m planning to.

egdewort dssaid then join teh kkk it is fun myua ad pxehecsicsjxccx siad ys.

Franziska: And joining the terrorist group is not a fun thing to do. If you have first thought about doing this, please tear up all of your bucket lists from now on.

Edgeworth: You know, although a bit clueless-

Phoenix and Maya: HEY!

Edgeworth: The two would not be convinced to join the so-called cult, especially using the only reason word “fun”.

Franziska: Also, I recommend the author to join any grammar classes if there is. Make it your bucket list from now on.

Edgeworth: Agree!

tehn gumshoo gawt joned in bexuc he wazu high

Franziska: Oh no, Mr. Detective Scruffy has joined the chat.

Edgeworth: Now, utilizing the reason word “high” reaches another level of abnormality.

and when pehcehckibeouickkkkk

Franziska: …

Maya: pehcehc-blah-huh? What does it suppose to mean?

Edgeworth: I would bet that the correct phrase would be “Phoenix, be our KKK, okay?”

Phoenix: Or maybe “Phoenix, be quick, KKK”?

(Maya, Edgeworth, and Phoenix glare at the Management)

Management: If you’re asking me for the true word, sorry, guys.

Franziska: If this becomes a word in the dictionary, we are now in the world of IQ level negative 200.

goawt in he brounght perl becuz she wuz liek 5 years old

Maya: Perl…Pearl..PEARLY?...PEARLY!

Phoenix: Oh no, we are on the Phoenix Drive after all.

Edgeworth: Let’s not jump to the conclusion. We only know that Pearl will be appearing sooner or later. (Edgeworth sips tea anxiously)

tehn tehy gawt an order frum aldof hitler!11!11!111!1 he siad to get rekr ad jwws. hitelr sad edgewrth u must steel teh wweed from predisent trumps offcis and sell it.

Phoenix: But now, this story gets too political. No comment for that because I don’t want anyone to have additional hate towards our game, especially since The Game Theorist.

Maya/Edgeworth: AGREE!

Management: …The Management…you know what?...You made yourself a point.

Franziska: (Now, the Management has lost for words.)

pheeenixk sad wow that seems legit moys said weed sound fun 2 smmoke edgewort siad i hate jwes and blaks

Maya: No, no. A canon-me would not get addicted to something so illegal.

Edgeworth: A canon-me would not hate Jews and Blacks.

Phoenix: A canon-me would not say this story is legitimate.

Franziska: Therefore, a canon-me would have every INTERPOL material to hunt this spawn fic, especially how bad the spelling was misplaced.

hitelr said geet the fuking money u ficking shitheds or ill kell u all

Edgeworth: I just think about it. This story has its time being bizarrely warped. How come that 20th century dictator was alive at that point, especially at the time of the 46th US president in the 21st century?

Phoenix: Who knows? Anti-aging cream? Fountain of youth?

(Edgeworth and Maya glares at Phoenix)

Edgeworth: Well, considering this story’s nature of providing shark-jumping elements, I’m not going to deny your answer, Mr. Wright.

Franziska: It’s too random to include real-life people for the story, especially the two with questionable reputations. If so, how can you make sense of that? How does it help your story? Remember, anyone would hate these two. So, why bother? What is really the purpose?

(Phoenix was about to answer.)

Franziska: Again, don’t make me answer “cameo” because that already is a moot point here.

(Phoenix backs down)

Franziska: Nice choice.

so tehn tehy ell gawt in teh fuking van aend edgeworth lit up a blunt gumshoo wuz drivig, butt wiht hiz cockain addicktionnn, he migt get hihg.

Maya: We’re now in the adventure van. Here we go!

Phoenix: Now, Mr. Scruffy is totally now Mr. Snuffy

(Maya glares at Phoenix)

Franziska: Congratulations, fic-all, you earned “go to the jail and it would be easy for the police to catch you” certificate because driving under vice is still a violation and would be obviously noticeable.

maya siad hey nik waent 2 haev sex feehcksickzz siuad sure moya u kan bee on top tehy had a tun uv seckz in teh bak aend perl saw teh whoel ting

Phoenix: Argh! That is terrible for anyone to do something sickening in a moving van, no less.

Maya: No..NO! What decides this author to include sex? A random abstractive sleepy dream?

Franziska: Ms. Fey, if he is at the top, then your whole skeleton broke down.

Maya: Despite my structure, I am not a feeble woman, Prosecutor von Karma. I am strong, that’s all. (munches on a hamburger)

Franziska: (Gee, her metabolism is not something that I expected.)

Edgeworth: Honestly, this is so random sex scene that this story makes a shock value a prioritization while a narrative value a suggestion.

wehn pheenicks saw perl seeing teh seckz, he beat her reel good

Maya: NICK, YOU BETTER NOT TO HURT PEARLY OR I AM LITERALLY GOING TO CHANNEL YOU!

Phoenix: Yes, yes, Ma’am! (Argh! Why would anyone gag me good?)

tehn oheenicks wnet harder on maya

Franziska: Missing capitalization, punctuation, wrong grammar. This story gets messy…and whole dirty…depending on what you think.

Phoenix/Maya: …

Franziska: I SAID, “DEPENDING WHAT YOU THINK”!

*WHIP*

Phoenix: YEOWCHHHH!

Maya: OWWWHCCCCHCH!

whiel tehy gawt sexy in teh bakc, egde wort sad man im hungery but wait tehrs a mcdonald! gumshoo shwawtpd teh kkkar and maya said mcodnald? wehre i need a fiking burger

Maya: Really? In front of my juicy burger? Including burgers in this bad fanfiction would make it less delicious and appetizing on my tongue.

Phoenix: So, that means we have to go to the sporking theater everyday in order not to indulge yourselves with many burgers. That would help my wallet heal back.

Maya: Nick, I don’t believe in alternatives. Of course, we have to go to the burger houses every day. That’s the tradition of every victory court day.

Phoenix: (sigh) (At least, I’m not regretting having a hole in my wallet because of the six-stomach woman.) (munches a sandwich)

butt pheenicks and maya were compeltely naked so evryone satered at tehm

Maya: OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS! HOW IN THE WORLD?

Phoenix: CAN SOMEONE CHANGE THE SLIDE? THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPENING!

Management: Oh, sorry, sorry. I never noticed that!

Edgeworth: (This is going to be a disaster for them.)

egfde dorth was behing a gay blak guy and gawt reel pissed at hmi soo he kild him wit a snipr rifel aend orderd teh bergerz butt it terns out taht tehy replacd teir letuc with weed leves!

Edgeworth: See what fic-me did to me? Never thought that the fic-me adds murder to his list of criminal charges.

Franziska: A second-degree murder charge? Noted.

Edgeworth: There is no need for you to emphasize, Franziska.

Maya: Wait, Mr. Edgeworth kills the guy before he gets the order. How come no one has seen or heard this? And how did he get the order?

Franziska: Uh-huh, how does McDonald's get a stack of weed leaves, especially if it's illegal? Why should they put in every meal? Now, I see not only the American court was sullied but the American food capitals and the language.

Phoenix: No comment because I would predict that everything would get bad to abysmal.

tehy all got high and were naked, soo tehy hadd seckz in frottn of evyone

Edgeworth: NGGGOOOOHHHHHHH!

Maya: AAAAAAHHHHHH! PLEASE, WHY WITH THAT?

Franziska: NGHHHH! The beautiful English…

Edgeworth: (Some priority she has.)

Phoenix: OH NO, NO. I’VE BEEN MR. RIGHT ALL ALONG. ARGH!

Maya: Nick, that’s the only time that your terrible joke can focus me away from this bad fanfic. And it’s a good thing.

Edgeworth: Is this author making Ace Attorney a Sausage Party? I see that this fiction made public lewdness a human’s legal right.

Management: …You know. Since this also gives me a visual anguish, all of your sporking faults would go unnoticed from now on.

Franziska: (Hmm, never thought the Management would get suffered as we are.)

tehy hadd 2 bee drageed out and bak 2 teh van and it wuz 4:20 o klok

Franziska: I just realized that it’s not even a night but afternoon, so probably more people would see you naked.

HOLD IT!

Maya: It may be 4:20 am, an early morning wherein no one is awake at the time.

OBJECTION!

Franziska: Well, how would you explain that the restaurant is still open in the early morning?

Maya: Uh...uh...NOOOOOOO!

Edgeworth: Please, girls, don’t make anything get worse.

gumshoo sad wee need 2 get 2 a hoetel 4 teh nite maya siad tahts a gud idea pheenicks said wait a hotel this is raelly gay gumshoo

Phoenix: Finally, I can still breathe now.

Franziska: And I’m not calmly breathing until this guy has constructed a complete sentence which is clean of grammatical errors.

Maya: Then, again, how does going into a hotel would make anyone gay?

Edgeworth: Another question remains unanswered. However, ignorance is bliss, you remember that.

Maya: Oh, thanks, Mr. Edgeworth! That feels me well.

Edgeworth: Heh! Just hoping that anything bad would never happen.

edge worth siad tehy have a bed soo i kan rape maya witout anyon knowing

Maya: MR. EDGEWORTH!

Edgeworth: Here goes my hope being shot down.

gumsoo said you fags are gay and WIAT! tehers weed in the bak! he turnd toward perl, who hadd no weed. but gumshoo wuz so desperet 4 weed he lickd her and even her genitalz

Franziska: WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I SEEING?

Edgeworth: IS THIS AUTHOR HAS ITS RIGHT MIND?

Phoenix: PLEASE NEVER REMIND ME THAT PEARL IS TEN IN THIS STORY!

Maya: PLEASE! NOT PEARLY! IT SHOULD BE ME THAT GUMSHOE IS…ARGH!

Edgeworth: If this one occurs, the most required action would be firing him rather than cutting the salary.

(Maya has about to say something)

Edgeworth: Literally…physically…with a gun.

Franziska: (Poor Detective.)

egde worth thot is waz sexy so he fapped 2 it tehn hiz kloths were staned white bai teh tiem tehy gawt 2 teh hoetl, they were kumpelety naked.

Maya: MR. EDDGGGEEEEWWWOOOORRRTTTHHH!! NOT YOU TOO!

Edgeworth: NO! I TAKE BACK THE “LITERAL FIRING” -

*WHIP*

Edgeworth: Nghhh!

Franziska: You deserve having your prosecutor’s badge revoked at the very beginning of this fic, right, Ms. Fey?

Maya: Yeah, yeah. REVOKED! That is.

*WHIP*

Edgeworth: Nggh! It’s not me.

Phoenix: (Please, tell me it's just mayonnaise from the leftover burger.)

Management: Never say “tell me” as if you never contradicted yourself. It’s just mayonnaise, duh, and don’t give my hopes down, Mr. Wright.

theitr room was standard, butt edgeworth said it awas gay because he was a muslim. edgeworth also siad maya did you have eny butrgers kuz i want to fuck you maya siad sure egdeworth and tehy had tonz uv seckz

Maya: Mr. Edgeworth, I have you know that I am not your sex toy.

Edgeworth: Argh! This is not something that I like.

Phoenix: Now, I wonder, where is that fic-me? I guess I’m finally spared of the whole humiliation.

Franziska: What an egological nature of a foolish defense attorney, I see.

Phoenix: I do say "wonder".

gumshoo and phjeeenicks were pervertd so

Phoenix: I guess not and yeah, considering this story’a nature, I would bet they would sex.

Maya: Please, not Pearly.

Franziska: Please, I need a perfect sentence.

Edgeworth: (Some priority everyone has.)

they pland to go 2 a strip klub

Maya: (relief)

Franziska: (frustration)

Phoenix: …That’s a different story. At least, I’m not watching any random sex scene.

Edgeworth: Mr. Wright, there is no “at-least” reassurances, you remember how many times this story gets so much twist, that has little to no sense.

Phoenix: Oh, that.

Edgeworth: And please don’t tell me you prefer going to a strip club, are you?

Maya: NICK, I NEVER KNOW YOU’RE SO PERVERT.

*WHIP*

Franziska: You’re now the model of true debauchee.

Phoenix: Please, it’s not like that.

butt perl kan be aloen gumshoo pheenicks siad. gum shoo siad i dont kare bitch just brink that bitch faggot. so tehy want 2 a strip klub and wasted all teir muney perl gawt skared 4 lief but feechninxks and gum soho didnt kkkare

Franziska: Ahh, another peaceful scene minus the three sins of offending English.

Edgeworth: And I would be willing enough to cut another salary not only for his incompetence but the carelessness of the kid.

Maya: And you don’t care Pearly, aren’t you, despite her considering you as a father?

Phoenix: I care Pearls so much that I would be willing to take her place in the story especially the “Gumshoe sex her” part.

Maya: Really, Nick?

Phoenix: Definitely.

Management: Hey, crime reconstruction would motivate you.

CRIME RECONSTRUCTION:he turnd toward phjeeenicks, who hadd no weed. but wuz so desperet 4 weed he lickd him and even his genitalz

Phoenix: Ok, ok, fine, fine. I’m willing. I’M WILLING! SPARE ME FROM YOUR VISUAL ANGUISH OF WHAT-IF!

Maya: Aww. Pearl is truly happy because of you, Nick.

Phoenix: (sigh) Thanks, Maya.

wehn tehy gawt bak it wux 4:20 am so tehy pertended 2 sleep.

Franziska: It’s indeed 4:20 pm last time.

(Maya glares at Franziska)

Franziska: Ok, fine, next slide!

egde worth and maya fall aslepp having seckz so wehn tehy woke up tehy put tehir clothes on. when pheenicks woke up he kot egedwerth moking out wit maya so he was pissed butt egedworth shot him dead and maya didnr kare becuz she was koising edgewort

Phoenix: Finally, I’m dead so I can be spared from every humiliation.

Franziska: Another murder charge? Noted.

Maya: It’s not right. I do care for everyone and I would not treat death as mere child’s play.

Edgeworth: You do have the "right" choice of word, even in this type of scenario.

gumshoo woek up end raped perl tehn he sad whet hepppend 2 feenickskcskx edge wort wus making out so he couldnt say anything butt gumshoo saw teh rifle and teh gunshotz so he siad seems legit edgewort. tehn he raped perl twice as hard.

All: …

Maya: Please, tell me my eyes were mistaken.

tehn he raped perl twice as hard.

Maya: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Edgeworth: (That’s how you explain killing two birds in one stone or killing four sporkers in one statement.)

Franziska: What in monstrosity?

Edgeworth: (closing his eyes) You mean the language aspect or narrative aspect?

Franziska: Obviously the language aspect…and narrative aspect.

Maya: ARGH! THAT’S IT! (abruptly standing up) I don’t care if the spirit or ghost would haunt this new sporking theater. I am only two centimeters away from that decision.

(Phoenix tries to restrain Maya)

Phoenix: Oh no, she was about to-

Edgeworth: Ms. Fey, please restrain yourself. (Please, not now! If Mia found out about that, I’m getting sore)

Franziska: (That’s sad. Shame on you, fools. No one talks about how horrible Detective Gumshoe was written. Of course, I don't outright say that because I don’t want to show my empathetic emotion especially to these trio fools. No one is a mind reader anyway.)

Management: I can read mind. Thank you very much!

Franziska: Agree, welco…what?

wehn egdewrorth was dun with maya he siad the uther ruum smelz liek weed maya waented 2 ckeck it out and gumshoo was having fun with sexks. maya and ecgenfejenworth went 2 teh other ruum and found ther neibor.

Edgeworth: Alright, let’s bet for the mysterious neighbor.

Phoenix: I bet it would be Franziska von-

*WHIP*

Phoenix: OWOWOWOWOWOW!

Franziska: I will not be in the story sooner unlike you trio fool.

Maya: Hmm. It reminds me of Dee Vasquez from the first case we’re working together. You know, the pipe smoke she always holding.

tehri neibor wux a famos drug deeler naemd matt engarde

*WHIP*

Phoenix: YEOOOOWCCHHHH!

Franziska: Serves right of having the wrong answer.

Edgeworth: Matt Engarde? He should be in jail for the murder and now, he is doing another type of crime.

Maya: Now, he gets fame from doing an infamous crime. What an unfair for someone working on a clean career.

Phoenix: And would you consider assistant as a career?

Maya: Come on, Nick, it wasn’t that bad.

when matt saw tehm come into his room he said GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR FAGGOTS! IMMMA FUCKING TIRED OF YOU FUCKING BLACKS SO GET THE FUCK DOWN!

Edgeworth: I just realize that this one they’re doing can be considered a physical invasion of neigborhood’s property. It may work as a basis for theft and robbery. They may be arrested for this crime, that is.

Phoenix: That means you are in for Matt Engarde. How pathetic?

Edgeworth: Only for this situation, Mr. Wright.

I SIAD GET THE FUCK DOWN YOU FUCKING JEW! YOU FUCKING BLACK-ASSED FAGGOT JEW BLACK GAY FAG!

Franziska: Ah. The only one of the instances that the author gets spelling right 15 times per its word. No, missing punctuation always convinces me that I don’t congratulate this fiction. And also, no, you’re still not constructing a perfect sentence which is clean of grammar errors.

Edgeworth: Also, in the exception of scripts, you can just add “screamed Engarde” rather than having unnecessary all-capitalization techniques.

maya got a rifel and shawt him ded egde worth found he had $420,666,696,969 dollerz wurth uv weed and kokaine. so maya sad were rich! yea! man i want sum weed rite now egde worth lit up a blunt and smokd it 4 a few munits

Edgeworth: It looks like the "basis of theft and robbery" is based all along.

Franziska: Another charge of second-degree murder? Noted. A charge of robbery? Noted. A charge of possession of illegal drugs? Noted. Now, this is a pile-up on my table in the prosecution's office.

Maya/Edgeworth: HEY!

Phoenix: So, any thoughts on practicing illegal vices, guys?

Maya: Not in a million years. Or make it a billion years. Food is my recreational enjoyment only.

Edgeworth: I would prefer not to suffocate with my own smoke. I would rather have an obituary similar to this…

CRIME RECONSTRUCTION:Miles Edgeworth died peacefully in the age of 76 from natural death. He serves as Chief Prosecutor who works to tear down corruption and mob crime, thus, bringing back the public’s trust towards the police and court. Everyone misses him including the one who wrote this obituary.

Edgeworth: Not this.

CRIME RECONSTRUCTION:Miles Edgeworth died with financial and social instability with lung disease resulting from addiction to drugs and smoking. He was once a prosecutor but due to unforeseen circumstances, he became a serial killer and drug user, who terrorizes every public and the police. Not sure but why should I write this obituary for a massacre’s culprit?

Phoenix: Good call, good call.

tehn he belw up teh wall 2 tehir room butt teh bellboi was tehre! egde wroth h8ted teh bellboi so he kild him

Franziska: A destruction to one’s property and possession of explosive weapons? No-ted. Congratulations, you are now the chaos towards the society.

Edgeworth: Alright, this is insane. What reason is there that I have hatred for the bellboy, enough to kill him? No, aside from illegal vices or the races.

(Maya was about to speak)

Edgeworth: If you’re asking about why it is necessary to blow a room, maybe to hide the body. However, this purpose destroys if you add another charge of murder after that.

Maya: …

Phoenix: Well, after that, they have to go home and do what is typical in this fanfiction. You know, the three-letter word thingy?

Franziska: …

Management: The Management reminds Phoenix Wright that this sporking session is now in freestyle mode. You can do whatever you want.

Phoenix: How about leaving the theater?

Management: …No.

Phoenix: Damn.

tehn tehre wure 68 moar witnezzez so maya, edgeowrht, and gumshoo kild tehm all the total killin aded up to 69 pepel

Phoenix: Hey, the total kill count should be 72 since you killed fic-me, the guy from the McDonald, and Matt Engarde. The correct term here is "total witness kill count" or “total killing added up to 69 witnesses”

Franziska: Then, you are now the public enemy to society. Also, congratulations, by massacre, you created another set of witnesses that you needed to kill. Either way, it’s unsuccessful.

Edgeworth: NGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

Maya: WE! ARE! NOT! CRIMINAL!

egde wroth rapd perl and sad thet you were a witess 2 so he kild her

(Edgeworth was about to speak)

Maya: Nope, just nope.

(Edgeworth concedes)

Franziska: (Nice choice.)

tehn tehy wantred to get the fuk out so tehy did.

Franziska: A worst charge goes to the rape, sexual assault, murder, and child abuse. This story should have been titled, “A List of Crimes for Dummies. Don’t Forget that Wrong Grammar is a Moralistic Crime to the Language”.

Maya: Or “Ten Reasons Why Mr. Edgeworth Should Not Be The Hobo, Don’t Believe Number 5”

Edgeworth: “Ten Logical Reasons Why Bad Fanfiction Should Be Burned In Ground, Number Seven would shock you.”

Phoenix: And “Ten Tips to Insult Everyone In the World, Number 3 will Probably Start a World War 3”

Management: Or “Ten Why’s of Existence of Sporking Theatre, Number 1 satisfies you”

(The four glares at the Management)

Management: …Right, here goes the outro.

Phoenix/Maya: Ahh, FINALLY!

Edgeworth: (Finally and argh, my food getting colder.)

NOTE ANNOUNCEMENT THE rasist ternabot series is DISCONTINUED!

Franziska: Finally, I can now escape from the torturous fic with no respect to English grammar.

Maya: At least, everything they do to us, especially Pearly, will be finally over. OVER!

Phoenix: Hmm, at least this session ends early as possible. (Or I mean, too early.)

Edgeworth: A toast for the admittance of fiction’s discontinuation!

Maya: Cheers, Mr. Edgeworth! (Edgeworth drinks the tea)

but it will be continued in MILES EDGEWORTH: ACE ATTORNEY!

Edgeworth: PFFFTTTTTTT!!!!..(cough)...(cough)

Phoenix/Maya: Miles Edgeworth: Ace Attorney??

Edgeworth: You read that right. So, I’m not going to imagine what would be in this story.

Franziska: Again, it’s impossible, especially everything that occurs. What can you expect from the PIC who would reinstate Mr. Miles Edgeworth in his prosecution career, who recently joined the terror group, the serial killer, the drug user, and above all, the child abuser?

Edgeworth: No need to spell it out but good point, good point. (At least, I’m not going to read another of this shark-jumping thematic fic.) -- (The light turns on, then the cinema screen fades out) Maya: Alright, since it’s over, now it’s time for our comment and we leave.

HOLD IT!

Management: Never rush because there is still more I can say regarding this.

Franziska: Then, why are we still here? That’s the full story. Zero, zip, zilch, nada anything to spork. The author even stated the discontinuation.

Management: …Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: !!!

Management: You know the contradiction that I have been showing to you.

Edgeworth: What contradiction you’re talking about?

Management: Come on, oh wait. Forget the contradiction. I mean this story ends, so thus the sporking session.

Phoenix: My psyche-locks. It’s…I know he’s lying

Come on, oh wait. Forget the contradiction. I mean this story ends, so thus the sporking session.

Phoenix: But what?

Management: Oh, you notice it. Alright, let’s have this one to be noticed in formality and simplicity. I am the one who was contradicted. But when exactly?

Phoenix: You were contradicted when…

A. Beginning

B. During

C. Ending

Phoenix: The ending, itself!

Management: !!!

Phoenix: Specifically the last fic statement. You even tell us that the next statement is the outro. This is not something that the Management would warn us about. That’s the only time you do.

Management: I do that because it is for your goodness.

Phoenix: Let’s connect to the beginning, shall we? You are vague about the stories, you never tell us if it’s multi-chaptered or stand-alone. I guess revealing the story's title but during the sporking is brilliant. So, the only time we have is reacting through it. Also, the buffet is so much in quantity. We don’t have time to eat everything else if this sporking session ends right now.

Edgeworth: Argh! You mean?

Phoenix: Yes, the Management is a liar. So, my conclusion here is that…

There is something else in this fanfiction that we yet to see.

Management: Interesting conclusion. But let me tell you, is there any confirmation for your conclusion? Maybe what I do is for the greater good.

Phoenix: So, basically you’re asking for proof?

Management: Right, but I’m tired of hearing “proof”, so yeah! And don’t make any attempt to research this fanfic. All internet and data connections are cut down to bits.

Phoenix: (Now, There is something in my mind for a bit.)

Phoenix: Wait. I think about it. Where is the...

Franziska: You mean anything with perfect spelling and grammar?

Phoenix: No, no, I mean the-

Franziska: A creative name rather than naming "the beginning" as the introduction to the narrative.

Phoenix: No, no, it's the-

Franziska: Zero, zip, zich, nada.

Phoenix: Argh!

Phoenix: Now the question is: Is there anything that I can prove that the fiction is multi-chaptered? Or can I prove it?

A. YES

B. NO

Phoenix: No…NO! There is no contradiction. You’re just mistaken. (Of course, if I said yes, the sporking session would-)

Management: Liar, you indeed denying it. You have doubts, aren’t you? You and I know what is a contradiction and there should be a proof for that. You’re not going away from this Theater if we never arrive at the absolute truth.

Phoenix: (Argh! He’s the Management. Of course, I have no control of the situation.)

Management: Your response, Mr. Wright?

Phoenix: (It seems I have no choice.)

A. YES

B. NO (DENIED)

Phoenix: Yes, I have proof.

Management: Ok, tell me. What’s your confirmation that this story is multi-chaptered, not a stand-alone?

Phoenix: Obviously, the sporking transcript with attached fiction. (Besides, I don’t have anything else other than my badge, a glass of water, and a chicken sandwich.)

Management: A transcript? You know, it’s synonymous with throwing me a Physics book and asking me to learn numbers but that would turn out vague, don’t you think? So, tell me specifically, what part of the transcript would you emphasize?

A. First part

B. Middle part

C. Last part

Phoenix: Obviously, the last part, the one when you are contradicted.

Management: Ok, we narrow from book to chapter. However, it’s not very specific. Tell me, what statement of the fiction would you want to focus on?

A. Third to the last

B. Second to the last

C. Last

Phoenix: Second to the last!

NOTE ANNOUNCEMENTTHE rasist ternabot series is DISCONTINUED!

Management: Alright, we narrow down from chapter to page. However, we are still nowhere from specificity.

Phoenix: I want you to focus…

A. NOTE ANNOUNCEMENT

B. THE rasist ternabot series is DISCONTINUED!

Phoenix: This statement!

Management: This one? But it only tells the discontinuance of a fiction, even Mr. Edgeworth emphasized this…with a toast.

Phoenix: That’s why I have to point out a word within this statement.

Management: Interesting! So, tell me what word you have to pinpoint yourself.

A. THE

B. rasist

C. ternabot

D. series

E. is

F. DISCONTINUED

Phoenix: The word I have to focus on is series.

Management: !!!

Phoenix: By its definition, it’s a set of writings written in the same format. Maybe, the writing can be considered a chapter while the set makes up into whole fanfiction. If the fiction we spork is a stand-alone story, he should only state it as “the rasist turnabout story”. So, what we’re reading the whole story is only Chapter 1.

Edgeworth: GAH! Is it true?

Phoenix: Not only that. I can say with certainty that a note announcement does not belong to the first chapter. It belongs to another chapter.

Management: GAH!

Phoenix: Is that right, Mr. Management?

Management: You’re really Phoenix Wright, after all. I take it.

Phoenix: So, you admit it?

Management: Fine, everything is true. The note announcement, the second-to-the-last and the last statement, belongs to Chapter 7…

Franziska: So, you mean to tell me that the fiction contains seven whole chapters?

Management: Not something that you think. The correct term here is that you have already read Chapter 1 and Chapter 7 or the beginning and the end. And also I intentionally omit the part of the story, especially the first ones. So, the true one would be like this:

cheptr 1 teh weed warz

chapetr wan: teh beginin

Franziska: PHOENIX WRIGHT!

Phoenix: (Oh no.)

Franziska: WHY YOU NEVER TELL ME IN THE VERY BEGINNING?

Phoenix: I tried to tell you but you...

(Franziska was about to whip Phoenix but-)

Management: Well, the true outro for Chapter 1 goes to…

2 be kontinued!1111!

All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

---

Phoenix: And just like that, our dignity comes to an end. I ran away from the theater... and wandered the streets alone. I never saw my friends again. I heard the comment about this fiction. It’s bad literally, it destroys me. The “miracle” indeed never happen. Maybe it was never meant to. Because a "miracle" is something that doesn't exist.

---

END OF CHAPTER 1

COMING SOON FOR CHAPTER 2

#sporking theater #ace attorney sporking #sporking theater revival

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snezfics-n-shit · 4 years

Text

Whumptober Day 23: Shiver

Fandom: Ace Attorney

Characters: Larry Butz, Phoenix Wright, Miles Edgeworth, Trucy Wright

Notes: Respecc Larry 2020. Trucy’s going away to college in two months and her Uncle Larry has come all the way from his last book-signing tour stop to celebrate Laurice Deauxnim style. In which Larry lies about as well as a Weeble and earns himself that extended stay with the Wrightworth family he’d been wanting since Miles and Phoenix got married. He just wishes it was under better circumstances. Now who wants some wholesome fluff?

“You’ll remember to call us as much as possible, right?” Phoenix scribbled a checkmark next to a few names on the RSVP list for Trucy's graduation party.

"Of course, Daddy! I'm not going for another two months anyway, so don't worry too much yet." Trucy grinned, peeking once or twice in the hallway, looking for someone.

"Uncle Larry is still sleeping off his jet lag." Phoenix knew exactly what Trucy was going to ask before she even spoke. "He had a long trip here, so naturally he was pretty tired."

"See? When I suggested we prepare the guest room before his arrival, it wasn't for nothing." Miles commented before checking what names were on Phoenix's list, raising a brow at a few names that were clearly only contacted via spirit channeling. He could understand his father and Mia Fey, but then there was Harry Houdini written as if he could just be sent an invitation by mail. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Trucy, sweetheart, remember when we said your guest list should be realistic?”

“It is realistic! Aunt Maya said the mediums she’s training could use the practice.” Trucy crossed her arms. “I’m officially an adult now, so why can’t we go all out?”

“He’s right, Trucy.” Phoenix nodded, proud to see Miles putting his foot down about this. “We should really restrict the channeled guests to just family and friends.” He looked over the list again, noting how Trucy’s biological father was not even considered once. It wasn’t like he could blame her, but his heart ached sensing the hurt and betrayal that fueled Trucy’s decision. He put on a smile, though, just as his mentor taught him.

“Fine.” Trucy sighed. “I hope Uncle Larry wakes up soon, then I can talk to someone who likes fun.” She teased.

“Trucy.” Miles feigned an authoritative tone, chuckling as he shook his head. In the corner of his vision was a figure sporting an oversized T-shirt in a familiar shade of orange.

"He's up!" Trucy sat up from the sofa to greet her Uncle Larry, who was now surely full of energy ready for a night of movies and calling Mr. Grossberg to ask if his refrigerator was running.

"Hey Nick, did you turn up the air conditioning while I was asleep?" Larry shivered on his way to the living room. "It's really cold in here!"

Phoenix and Miles looked at each other. The last time they significantly adjusted the air conditioner this year was during a particularly bad heat wave that had since passed. Not to mention, wouldn't Larry feel warmer in the LA heat after staying in states with far cooler climates?

"No, Uncle Larry!" Trucy giggled, assuming Larry was joking.

"I don't get it." Larry blinked a few times, looking bewildered by something only he could see. “I guess I might just have gotten too comfortable in that cozy guest bed of yours. I never really had a good sleep from those hotel beds.” He rubbed his shoulder. “All those hard mattresses really added up.”

“Then I’m sure you’ll appreciate every bit of sleep you’ll be getting this weekend.” Miles smiled. If this had been ten years ago, he wouldn’t have dreamed of letting Larry even set one foot in his house, let alone stay for two nights. He had to admit, seeing Larry so successful that his busy schedule typically only allowed weekend stays made him proud, but there was a tug of guilt about how he and Phoenix treated him in the past. Miles wondered, if it weren’t for Trucy, who had taken a liking to Larry from the start, would Larry have even wanted to associate with them?

“So, Larry,” Phoenix stood up to pat his old friend on the back, “are you rested enough for tonight? Trucy’s really been talking up that movie night you suggested.”

“Should we order the pizza now or after a few rounds of Uno?” Trucy asked. Uno was a long-standing tradition for Larry’s visits, probably because it was one of the few card games he stood a chance against Phoenix, since having a card-playing professional win every time wasn’t very fun. Larry even had a solid win streak across his recent visits once Trucy declared herself too old for him to let her win.

“Actually, uh, I’m not really that hungry.” Larry shrugged, shivering again, already twice too many times for the middle of June.

“Did you eat before we picked you up from the airport?” Miles pushed up his glasses. “I don’t think you ate anything here before you fell asleep.”

“Nope.” Just as he answered, Larry was caught off guard by a deep tickle in his chest. He attempted getting rid of it with a brief cough, but as soon as he started, he couldn’t stop it on his own and let the fit overtake him.

"Larry?" Miles frowned in concern. "Are you alright?"

He was still coughing. It felt like an eternity until he could finally stop, and when he was done it was like all his muscles had left his body.

"Yeah." Larry's eyes were wide, he was still trying to figure out what just happened. "Allergies, probably." He guessed, tilting his head.

"That's odd." Miles said softly. "I recall you saying you were only allergic to cantaloupe just a few months ago. Something you told us you didn't eat from our fridge while you had hives on your arms proving otherwise."

"We caught you red handed there, Uncle Larry!" Trucy added, laughing at her own joke. The laughing stopped just as quickly as another coughing fit started from Larry, this one sending him dropping to his knees. “Uncle Larry?”

“I know that cough.” Phoenix held his chin. “You didn’t get your flu shot this year, did you, Larry?”

“How did you know?” Larry looked up from his position on the floor, his cheeks discolored from the strain. “I really planned to do it, though! I just forgot, is all.”

“It may be too late.” Phoenix crouched down to press his palm on Larry’s forehead. “You’re burning up.”

“That’s impossible.” Larry insisted. “I feel great. Can we play Uno now?” He attempted to stand up on his own, but instead almost immediately fell back down, this time supported by both Phoenix and Miles holding him so he wouldn’t hit the floor again. “This takes me back to those trust exercises we did when we were in school. Remember those?” Larry smiled as if that could prove his claims of good health.

“You can’t lie to us, Uncle Larry.” Trucy singsonged. Lying to any member of the Edgeworth-Wright family was just about impossible to get away with. Sure, a little fib here and there would be overlooked because it wasn’t worth the fuss, but Larry certainly wasn’t telling Phoenix his novelty ties were not at all tacky. “It’s not like we can’t play a game of Uno while you’re in bed, if that makes you feel better.”

“You’re absolutely right, Trucy.” Miles nodded. “Can you help us carry our guest back to bed?” He ignored Larry’s weak attempts to wriggle out and run for it. Where would he run to, anyway? Miles looked at Phoenix, then back at Trucy, signalling he was ready for the three to use their collective strength to hold Larry upright as they led him to bed.

Larry thought it wasn’t fair. Not just the fact he was outnumbered, but also that this would be how his desire for a longer visit would be fulfilled. There was no way he’d be allowed out of bed by Monday, not when blinking of all things was a source of discomfort. Don’t get him wrong, he couldn’t think of a better family to take care of him, but that in itself made him feel like he was intruding. He figured it was probably that ‘dad instinct’ he knew both Phoenix and Miles had down pat by now that explained their willingness to not only carry him to bed, but tuck him in as well. His face felt hot as he wondered if he was even worth being cared for like this.

“Don’t you, uh, think this is kind of weird?” Larry stared at the blanket over his legs, disappointed that it barely warmed him at all. “I mean, I’m not your family or anything.” He let his head rest on the soft, definitely expensive pillow.

“I don’t think it’s ‘weird’ at all.” Miles said as he walked to the guest bathroom.

“Yeah, it’s not weird.” Phoenix agreed, pulling the end table’s drawer open to grab the box of Uno cards that resided in it.

“And of course you’re family!” Trucy added. She sat on the edge of the bed, dangling her feet above the ground despite her being tall enough for them to touch the floor. “If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be Uncle Larry, you’d just be ‘Larry.’”

“Or we would just call you by your pen name,” Miles entered the room again with a digital thermometer in hand, “‘Laurice’ or perhaps ‘Mr. Deauxnim’ to be more formal.” He slid the thermometer between Larry’s lips and felt relief when Larry lifted his tongue in cooperation instead of fighting off the device like he initially expected.

“Besides, bedside manner isn’t exclusive to family anyway,” Phoenix smiled. He slid the card deck out of the box and into his hand. “What else would we do? Just leave you alone, coughing up a storm and being generally miserable?” He heard the thermometer beep and closely watched his husband gently take it to analyze the numbers on display.

“Congratulations, Larry.” Miles’s tone remained flat. “You have a fever.”

Larry wasn’t sure what it was about everything his old friends were saying that made him flustered enough to hide his nose under the blanket. Maybe it was the attentiveness, which, to him, seemed undeserved and out of nowhere. This was only made more apparent when he broke into another intense coughing fit that sent him doubling over. He could feel Phoenix’s hand carefully sliding up and down his back.

“You said you don’t have any more book signings scheduled, right?” Phoenix saw Larry nod in response. He was grateful Larry wasn’t straining himself by talking if he didn’t need to. “So you shouldn’t have anything stopping you from resting.”

“Can Uncle Larry stay with us for a few more days after he’s feeling better?” Trucy looked up at Miles with puppy-dog eyes that held an impressive success rate over the last ten years.

“I’m fine with that arrangement.” Miles adjusted one of the pillows to provide Larry with some elevation. “It would be a shame if you two never got your celebratory movie night. Of course, that’s only if he wants to extend his stay longer than we already have.”

“I don’t know.” Larry closed his eyes, finding that to be slightly less painful than keeping them open. “Are you really sure you guys want me here that long?”

“Well, when you put it that way…” Phoenix trailed off before he shook his head with a laugh. “Just give it some thought, but first get some sleep.” He closed the curtains to keep the summer sun out of Larry’s eyes.

“We’ll leave you be.” Miles ushered Phoenix and Trucy out of the room. “I’ll bring you some water for when you wake up. If you don’t have an appetite, you should at least stay hydrated.”

Larry nodded in understanding. His eyes fluttered open temporarily to watch the family leave the room. He picked up some of their conversation as they left, bits and pieces of debating when they should consider him seeing a doctor, a few comments about a trip to the pharmacy. The sincerity of their concern was not lost on him, prompting him to smile as he dozed off.

#whumptober #whumptober 2020 #sickfic whumptober alt #snez attorney #in this house we respecc Larry

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rivalsforlife · 4 years

Note

i'm holding myself back from asking commentary on almost every scene from the catch up game bc i love so much how you wrote phoenix in that fic!! that said, could u do commentary on the last 2 scenes from the first chapter (party + gumshoe), if that's not too long or on parts of it if it's too much?

Sure thing!! The scenes on their own are already over 2000 words so I’ll put them under a keep reading for everyone’s peace of mind.

Alright let’s start then...

The bachelor party was beyond Phoenix’s expectations. He’d been expecting Edgeworth to be much stingier with the spending, considering his general attitude towards Gumshoe’s salary. But he’d agreed to rent the bar out and pay for one drink for everyone, plus transportation home for those who couldn’t do it themselves. Phoenix… was surprised, actually. He’d known for a long time now that Edgeworth appreciated Gumshoe much more than he let anyone know about, but it was still surprising to see in action.

this paragraph brought to you by My AAI2 Feelings, particularly the parts where Gumshoe really does come through in the investigations, so much that Miles actually gives him a salary raise at the end... it did a great job developing their friendship, I loved it a lot.

(Also I headcanon that after aai2 but possibly before that... every “I’m going to cut your salary!!” that Miles says does not actually result in a salary cut. poor gumshoe can barely feed himself as it is. but Miles can’t be, like... Nice about it so he’s just going to pretend. Gumshoe understands. it’s like an inside joke now.)

And honestly figuring out this whole party scene was such a pain. I still feel like it could be better but I’m not sure how? I just had the goal of “get someone to let it slip that Miles is in love with Phoenix” but then there was the issue of a) who knew Miles well enough to know this, and b) who knew Phoenix well enough to talk about it, and c) what circumstances would let them slip up and say it. The answer was Gumshoe because he can’t resist leaking information to the defense... even when it’s information about his boss’s personal life. oops.

Athena dropped by for a movie night, since Pearls was too young to attend. Phoenix wasn’t worried about them; he was sure they wouldn’t get into any more trouble than he and Maya could at the party.

OOF AWKWARD PARAGRAPH this is a remnant from when I shifted a lot of scenes around in this chapter. I thought it would be cute if Athena and Pearl were friends. And I think there was more to this but then it was distracting from the overall topic so I cut it out... resulting in this.

“Pals!” a familiar voice boomed at the entrance to the bar, and Phoenix soon found himself and Maya swept up in a bone-crushing hug. “I’m so glad you both could make it!”

“Gumshoe!” Maya returned the hug enthusiastically. “It’s been forever, man!”

“Sure has!” Gumshoe released them, allowing Phoenix the opportunity to wheeze and clutch at his ribs, while Gumshoe ruffled Maya’s hair. “Been keeping yourself out of trouble?”

“You know it!”

“Uh, I had several sleepless nights last year suggesting otherwise,” said Phoenix.

“Shut it, Nick.” Maya elbowed him, not helping with the situation with his ribs, and beamed.

a little bit of banter that really just serves as a transition thing. most of the party is actually both “transition scene to indicate that the party did, in fact, happen before I get to the important stuff” and “introduce some important character stuff while I have time to fill”.

and of course these sleepless nights are in reference to pretty much the whole plot of SOJ...

One last note that I think Gumshoe probably gives great hugs, if you can survive your ribs potentially being crushed in the process. he doesn’t mean anything by it. he’s big and strong and likes hugs so much he forgets how big and strong he is.

... ps I love Gumshoe

“But congrats, Gumshoe! Seems like just last decade Nick and I were wandering around trying to pass your lunches over to Maggey.”

“God, it’s been that long, hasn’t it?” Phoenix reminisced. It was odd, thinking back on cases he took before he was disbarred, before he became a father to a daughter who wasn’t even with him today.

Gumshoe chuckled. “Guess so, pals. You two’ve really been there since the beginning, huh? Maggey and I wouldn’t be here today without you.”

Phoenix smiled. “Aww, Gumshoe…”

“And that’s why I get to be maid of honor, huh?” asked Maya with a sly grin.

“Maid of honor?!” Phoenix looked to Gumshoe, who didn’t object, before rounding back on his best friend. “You didn’t tell me that!”

“You didn’t ask!” Maya sighed. “If it weren’t for me eating Gumshoe’s beloved bento box in front of Maggey, who knows if we’d be here today?”

“I don’t think that was a deciding factor at any point…”

Gumshoe clapped Phoenix on the shoulder. “Sorry, pal. Would’ve made you the best man, but, y’know… Mr. Edgeworth.”

“Yeah, of course, no hard feelings, pal.”

“What’d I tell you about stealing my trademark, huh, pal?” Gumshoe laughed before stepping back into the bar. “C’mon in, you two.”

REALLY just more awkward transition scenes haha. Maya is the maid of honor in this fic mostly because I went to Maggey’s profile page and she was the only woman listed under the “friends” list... and we don’t know much about Maggey’s personal life. plus more “Miles and Gumshoe friendship” agenda pushing in here!

There were more people there than Phoenix was expecting, and many of them he hadn’t met. Edgeworth had mentioned that he would let Gumshoe select the guest list, but he’d kind of expected this to be people the two of them knew. Or, at least, that Phoenix knew — Edgeworth seemed to recognize more, which was rare, and was currently speaking with someone Phoenix vaguely recognized as an Interpol agent he’d worked with on a few cases back when Phoenix would help him out in Europe.

Ema ran up to them and made small talk before she and Maya got caught up in discussion about some show Phoenix had never heard of, so he wandered off to find someone else to talk with.

And there was… no one, really. Gumshoe and Edgeworth were talking with strangers, and Phoenix didn’t want to butt in on that conversation — he thought he saw Larry lurking about but couldn’t find him right now — and anyone else Phoenix recognized he either hadn’t talked to in years or was sure didn’t recognize him.

Phoenix hadn’t realized just how much his disbarment affected him, in these little ways. He looked out over the crowd of people Gumshoe or Edgeworth spoke to and had no idea who they were. It had been eight years out of touch with the rest of the legal world — eight years to fall behind.

It was… oddly lonely. Eventually it was just Phoenix standing there at the bar with a glass of grape juice in his hand. He was beginning to wish he’d ordered some more euphemistic “grape juice” instead.

You know that feeling when you go to a party and your one (1) friend leaves you and then you have no one to talk to and don’t know what to do -- maybe? That’s kind of the thing. slight Lang cameo in there.

ORIGINALLY Ema and Maya were going to talk about Lana and Mia and kind of hint at some Lanamia stuff in there, but then I thought about it and really why would Phoenix pass up an opportunity to gossip about his boss’s past relationships.

And this also tries to kind of go for one of the general... “themes” of the fic? More of an exploration into Phoenix’s loneliness/how he copes with not having people around him. RFTA and JFA in particular kind of really entrenched that he Does Not Do Well without people to take care of -- which comes up a lot during this fic. And part of getting to explore those issues is essentially me trying to make Phoenix as alone as possible. ... sorry Phoenix!

Also in here is a lot of “disbarment should have messed up Phoenix more than DD and SOJ would lead you to believe” -- he essentially spent seven years completely disgraced, it’s unlikely he made a lot of notable legal connections, aside from maybe Miles and Miles’ social circle. He probably missed out on a lot.

The last paragraph there is just referencing the “grape juice” thing - I do believe it is literal grape juice and not an alcohol euphemism, and I believe it was also literal grape juice in the original, so that’s what it ends up being.

“Hey, Niiiick…”

… But Phoenix supposed that just when you’re feeling down, the Butz arrives to drag you down further. “Hey there, Larry.”

Larry slumped against the bar beside him with a sigh, a glass of what definitely wasn’t grape juice in his hand. “Y’know Franzy didn’t even show up to this?”

“I’m not surprised. Being whipped half to death during your own bachelor party isn’t anyone’s idea of a good time, y’know?” In truth, he knew Franziska couldn’t make it down until just a few days before the wedding because of work — or so Edgeworth had told him — though he couldn’t help but wonder if Gumshoe was grateful for it.

Larry muttered something under his breath that sounded like it might’ve been contradicting Phoenix’s last statement, which Phoenix decided he was certainly not going to press further on, before Larry cleared his throat and continued. “But why’re you out here by yourself, Nick? Maya ditched you?”

“No, not at all,” Phoenix lied. “Just… taking in the scenery.”

“... Huh. Never took you for the wallflower type.” Larry frowned. “I mean, we did use to spend school dances in the corner by ourselves… guess some things never change.”

“Please don’t remind me of middle school ever again.”

“I’ll drink to that,” said Larry, who then did. “But I get it, dude. I was kinda hoping for some more excitement here… more ladies…”

“Don’t worry Larry, I’m sure you’ll find someone else to pester tonight,” Phoenix commented dryly.

... enter Larry Butz.

I really did try to explore the relationships of all the important people in Phoenix’s life... Larry though is so insufferable in canon I didn’t really have the heart to fit him in, so he falls out. (Apollo also doesn’t show up much, aside from the bit in chapter 5, that’s because he’s in a different country and I couldn’t come up with much of a role for him.)

And I also do believe that Larry and Phoenix were super unpopular in school. Larry was... Larry, and Phoenix was probably very sensitive up until the Dahlia Incident, and together they had enough unlikable traits that anyone who could spend time with one wouldn’t want to hang out with the other, but the two of them were loyal to each other. It’s my headcanon that Phoenix’s only real close friends throughout his childhood were Larry and Miles, which is part of why he got so attached to Miles to change his career for him.

“Yeah.” Larry’s eyes scanned the crowd before landing on a woman with dark hair in a high ponytail, and his face brightened. Phoenix cringed preemptively.

“Little miss Kay!” Larry called out, as the woman looked their way. “Looking as cute as ever! And more grown up, too…”

Phoenix tensed, suddenly feeling the wrath of hell creeping up behind them.

“Larry Butz,” a deadly voice boomed, “if you go anywhere near her, I will sue you for everything you are worth, little though it may be.”

Larry jumped and spilled half his drink over his jacket. “Geez, Edgey,” he grumbled, scuttling off to find a napkin. Phoenix, hoping it was safe now with the target gone, turned back around to meet the glare of his other childhood friend. “Hey, Edgeworth.”

Larry being gross but more importantly: me pushing the Dadworth agenda!

“You didn’t have to do that, Mr. Edgeworth,” said the woman with a laugh. “I’m an adult. I know how to effectively break someone’s kneecaps if they bug me.”

Edgeworth raised an eyebrow. “Though I don’t necessarily disapprove, do we need to talk about avoiding criminal records again, young lady?”

“Sheesh, you’re still treating me like a kid,” she huffed, before noticing Phoenix and extending a hand. “Sorry about that! Kay Faraday. I’m Mr. Edgeworth’s assistant.”

Edgeworth gave an exasperated sigh, though Phoenix could detect a note of fondness to it. “You haven’t been my assistant for over ten years, Kay.”

“So you finally admit I was your assistant at some point!”

“Ngrk…”

Phoenix laughed and took her hand. “Pleased to meet you. I’m Phoenix Wright, attorney at law.”

Kay grinned. “Oh, I know! Gummy debriefed me on you, Mr. That Man.”

“Kay,” Edgeworth warned.

“Plus I kept up with the news,” Kay continued, before Phoenix could say anything. “I’m a big fan of your work! Anyone who can take Mr. High-and-Mighty over there down a notch or two is a hero in my book.”

“Ha, I appreciate that.” Usually the first thing people said to Phoenix after saying they saw him on the news was much more negative.

I really still can’t believe Kay would be 27 here. that’s just so weird. she’s permanently seventeen in my mind. --- said by miles, probably

Even though this was supposed to be a fic about Phoenix’s important canon relationships Kay just wormed her way in here. I love her so I didn’t make any particular effort to take her out of this. Plus it gives me the opportunity to write my favourite things: Dadworth, and also Kay bullying Miles.

And yeah the part about people seeing Phoenix on the news is a reference to disbarment... can’t imagine anyone would have had anything particularly nice to say to him, especially those first few years.

“Kay has been assisting some of the prosecutors and myself through some tricky crime scenes lately,” Edgeworth informed him.

“Technically I’m a P.I., but Mr. Edgeworth said they’re really short-staffed these days, so I thought I’d lend him a hand,” Kay elaborated.

“Oh, so I might be running into you at the crime scene someday.”

“Probably!” She grinned. “Though I’m not gonna go easy on you just ‘cause Mr. Edgeworth likes you.”

“Kay.”

“Oh is that Ema over there?” Kay said loudly. “I’ve gotta run, see you around!”

She dashed off. Edgeworth sighed.

At first I made Kay just a straightforward detective, but I changed it pretty last minute. I feel like she’d want to do her own thing, plus this way she can assist from the outside when dealing with Dark Age of the Law Corruption-type stuff. Miles hires her because canon says he was left pretty short-staffed in SOJ. I’m not... totally sure what the laws are regarding private investigators working with police, but this is a fictional universe with fictional laws so I will do what I want.

Aside from that... more Kay making fun of Miles.

“She seems energetic,” Phoenix commented.

“Indeed she is.”

“... Why did she call me ‘Mr. That Man’?”

Edgeworth coughed. “I’ve not the slightest idea,” he said, turning his head to the side. “That aside, this whole affair is going much smoother than I expected, aside from that slight mishap.”

“Yeah, murder’s not really the best way to kick off a bachelor party, huh? Even if it is Larry. But I think we did alright.”

“Indeed.”

As if on cue, a loud cheer rose up from the crowd at the far corner of the bar.

“... Do you smell something?” Phoenix asked, and true to form, the swaying form of Larry crawled on top of a table.

People making fun of That Man is one of my favourite tropes regarding the AAI characters.

I don’t actually know how bachelor parties work, but if anyone can make them into an overly dramatized super wild party... it’s Larry.

Edgeworth groaned and began to storm off, but Phoenix grabbed him by the hand to hold him back. “Edgeworth, it’s a party, let them have their fun.”

“I… suppose so,” Edgeworth relented, but his hand was still tense in Phoenix’s.

Phoenix released him. “C’mon, we can chaperone from a safe distance.”

Edgeworth nodded wordlessly, but Phoenix could sense that same feeling of unease from him again. He opened his mouth to ask about it but a loud shout took up his attention — this was something that could be dealt with later, he thought, as he and Edgeworth rushed over to the scene.

Miles internal monologue: Wright is holding my hand. Wright is holding my hand. Wright is holding my hand writgh is holding my hand wright is holdin g my ha--

Phoenix: uh. edgeworth?

So in this fic... Miles is gradually working up the courage to confess to Phoenix. He finally worked out his own feelings at some point prior to this fic starting but can’t quite admit them yet, so every time Phoenix does anything that can be remotely construed as romantic he just goes “!!!” and it’s probably all he can think about for a week. Poor guy! I’m sure that when he finally confesses all will be well.

Hours later, as the party wound down and various taxis came to take people home, Phoenix found himself crowded in a booth with a tipsy Maya and a drunk, gushing Gumshoe.

“... and I know she’s gonna just be so beautiful, pals, and what if it’s too much?” Gumshoe asked, lying sideways against the table. “What if they don’t let me see her and then the day of the wedding I look’t her and… I die?”

“People have gotten married without dying, Gumshoe,” Phoenix consoled him.

“But they don’t marry Maggey, pal…”

Maya snorted. “With her luck, I wouldn’t be surprised if something like that happened.”

“Hey, don’t tell him that!” Phoenix hissed.

really this wedding should have had way more disaster than I wrote about... probably at least one murder.

“No, no, don’t mention her luck, she’s already so worried,” said Gumshoe. “We’ve checked off every good-luck wedding charm in th’ book… but she still thinks somethin’s gonna go wrong. I love her, I really, really love her, pals…” A far off look crossed his face, and Phoenix wondered if anyone would ever speak of him like that, “... but she worries so much…”

“What’s she worried about?” Maya asked, slumping over against Phoenix’s shoulder.

“Ceremony, reception, if people’re gonna show up, if we’re gonna lose somethin’ important… even ‘s far as the bouquet toss. I told her, if you’re not sure, just toss it in th’ direction of you,” he pointed at Phoenix, “or at Mr. Edgeworth, and maybe it’ll work.”

Phoenix frowned. “Why me?”

Gumshoe let out a burst of hearty laughter. “I’m thinkin’ if you or Mr. Edgeworth catches it, it’ll give ‘im the courage to finally ask you out, pal.”

Maya shot straight up. Phoenix froze. “... What?”

probably not the smoothest way to get to the entire reason why this bachelor party exists, BUT.

Also it’s implied that Miles DID actually talk to Gumshoe about this at some point. probably Gumshoe caught him pining at a bad time haha.

“Y’know the old tradition, whoever catches it is the next to get married and all…” Gumshoe stared at them for a moment, before his eyes widened and a look of absolute horror crossed his face. “O-Oh! Crap! Pal!”

“Edgeworth wants to ask Nick out?!” Maya shrieked.

“FINALLY! IT’S ABOUT FREAKING TIME!”

originally Gumshoe used a much stronger word than “crap” but idk Gummy doesn’t seem like the type to curse much...? Maybe it’s a stretch haha. also “pal” as an exclamation is my favourite little Gumshoe speech tic

“Shh, shh!” Gumshoe reached over to clamp a hand over her mouth but fell, collapsing on the table. “You heard nothin’ from me, pals, got it? Mr. Edgeworth’s gonna kill me if he finds out… worse, stop funding the wedding…”

Death is one thing but the WEDDING...

And I can’t remember if I mentioned at any point that Miles was also funding the wedding haha but it’s probably also something he wouldn’t want to tell anyone. Gumshoe with his perpetually terrible salary (which is also Miles’ fault) plus Maggey with her inability to hold down a job before being fired in a murder-related incident probably means they don’t have a lot for a nice wedding so Miles offered. secretly and evasively. because he’s a nice person but also doesn’t want anyone to know that.

Maya stared at Phoenix, her mouth agape, as Gumshoe continued mumbling to himself under his breath about the various consequences of Edgeworth’s hypothetical wrath. Phoenix, meanwhile, felt like his brain had short-circuited.

That wasn’t possible. He must have heard Gumshoe wrong. Edgeworth didn’t think of him that way. Edgeworth didn’t think about anyone that way, Phoenix had thought, for the longest time.

Little do you know, Phoenix!

Touching on the aroace Miles headcanon here because it’s a very valid interpretation of his actions even if it’s not my own...

… Even if Edgeworth had been acting strange lately, even if something in his expression softened when he looked at Phoenix, even if…

No. Phoenix quickly shoved that thought to the back of his mind. There were many things he knew about Edgeworth, and one of those was that Edgeworth saw him as a part-time friend and part-time annoyance, but never a romantic interest of any kind. The thought of it was just… just unbelievable.

Phoenix craned his head around, catching sight of a familiar pink jacket across the room and watched Edgeworth in the middle of some phone call. He would know if Edgeworth was interested in him that way… wouldn’t he?

At first “the back of his mind” was “the overflowing mental trunk of repression” but that seemed a little too on the nose. Just know that’s essentially what he’s doing.

Another thing I wanted to establish throughout the fic was how close Phoenix and Miles are now -- they essentially know each other really well. And thinking about that part in Turnabout Goodbyes where Phoenix declares that “I’m the only one who knows the real Edgeworth”, I kind of interpreted that Phoenix Knowing Things About Edgeworth is an important part of their relationship to him. And the occasions where Miles did surprise him (with some aspect of his personality) weren’t always very good things... realizing he’d turned into a “demon prosecutor”, then the “choosing death” part... it’s a lot of my headcanons running away from me haha. Basically in this fic, Phoenix thinks he knows Edgeworth so well because he’s so close with him so an indication that there’s something about Edgeworth he doesn’t know or has completely wrong kind of... connects to him /not/ being as close to Edgeworth as he thinks he is? Maybe? And being close to him is something very important to Phoenix.

(This is not my personal opinion though haha, people can and will surprise you no matter how well you know them... but this fic is Phoenix’s Relationship Issues: The Fic, so.)

And no one else has mentioned the scenes where it comes up yet so I’ll talk about it here -- a lot of my editing process involved going through the fic and cutting out every instance of Phoenix either talking about him hypothetically being in love with Miles, or of Miles being in love with him. I just ctrl+f “love” and cut out whatever fit the criteria. Phoenix’s interpretation of Miles’ actions up until the end of chapter 5 isn’t exactly that Miles is Capital-L In Love with him, more that it’s like... a little crush? Mayyybe some physical attraction. Misconstrued admiration. Not anything so severe that Miles would willingly initiate a conversation about Feelings. so “He would know if Edgeworth was in love with him” changed to “He would know if Edgeworth was interested in him that way” because part of Phoenix’s issue here is that he can’t actually directly acknowledge the possibility that he’s in love with Miles or that Miles is in love with him. It’s a whole complicated thing I’ll probably talk about in the next commentary I do?

This got long but there’s the end of the chapter! I’ll answer more later...? These take up a lot of time haha.

#dvd commentary meme #the catch-up game #asks

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turnaboutimagines · 5 years

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broe i have been trying to send in this request for the past THREE days and its just!!! not !!!! working!!!! BUT in case this works,,, could pleas e get smth fun with gumshoe and the argument prompt whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza? i just think he'd have some Opinions and i wanna Hear them,,,, thank u dear uwu -

This is very stupid, but I hope it’s fun like you wanted asdlkjfasldkjf. But Reader is anti-pineapple on pizza w/o trying it because that’s just how this argument flowed, haha. Argument prompt is from this list!Thank you so much for the Gumshoe request, pal!!! I love my boy. 😭

You made the mistake of offering to treat your boyfriend to ordering some pizza during your movie night in. You were in-between movies and your legs were draped across his lap as you lounged across the sofa, phone in your hand with the pizza delivery place’s website pulled up. All was going well, but when you asked him what toppings he wanted, he said the one word you didn’t expect.

Pineapple.

You stared at him for a few moments and wondered if you just misheard him. “Woah, wait a sec. What did you just say?”

“I said maybe we should get pineapple on our pizza?”

(Oh my god, he’s serious!)

“… You really want to get pineapple on a pizza?” you asked, the judgement in your voice briefly reminded him of Mr. Edgeworth.

His brows drew upwards together, eyes darting around, confused, before they landed back on you. “Yeah…? Anything wrong with that?”

“Uh, yeah. It’s fruit. You want to put fruit on a pizza. They just don’t mix!”

He perked up a bit at that, sitting up straight as a frown worked its way onto his face. “Says who!?”

“Says me,” you said and leaned over to playfully boop him on the nose, trying to wipe that frown off his face. “We’re not getting a pizza with pineapple toppings. There are so many better alternatives to choose from.”

You succeeded in part, his frown melted into a pout. “Hey, don’t knock it till you try it, babe. It gives it a really nice kick, me and the others used to have it all the time back when I was working as a mover.”

The look you gave him was nothing short of fondly mystified. Honestly, you didn’t understand what went on in that adorable head of his sometimes, but you loved him all the more for it.

“A kick is for spicy things? Not fruit…” You pinched his nearest cheek before giving it an affectionate pat. “I’m starting to think that your sodium-heavy diet has done something to your taste buds, pal.”

Dick tilted his head to one side as he considered the possibility, but he quickly realized your game and scowled at you. “Hey, maybe it has… but have you even tried it? It’s good and that’s a Gumshoe Guarantee!”

(A Gumshoe Guarantee, eh? He’s really serious about this.)

You pursed your lips together in response and crossed your arms over your chest, also serious about not stooping so low. “No. And I refuse to, Dick.”

“How ‘bout this, we get it half-and-half and you actually try a bit of it? I can eat all the pineapple slices if you don’t like ‘em,” he said with a confident grin, placing a hand on your knee. You were about to shoot him down when he pulled out the big guns: his puppy-dog eyes. “Please? It won’t kill ya, babe, I promise.”

In a futile effort to not cave to his irresistible eyes, you looked away and puffed out your cheeks. But you could still feel those sad, begging eyes on you. There was no escaping them—

“… All right, all right! You win! I’ll try it, just for you.” You threw your hands up in defeat, but the sweet kiss and grin he gives you after your concession almost makes up for the fact that you were going to try pineapple on pizza. Almost.

The things you do for love, huh?

#dick gumshoe x reader #dick gumshoe imagine #dick gumshoe #ace attorney x reader #ace attorney imagines #ace attorney #self insert #reader insert #x reader #my writing #fluff #scenarios #he is... best boy.... i am sorry!!!#also i think it's cute for him to take to calling his s/o a pet name while they call him pal instead #they're the only one allowed to steal his endearing character trait (and me lmao)#is this self-indulgent? yes; yes it is #❤ anon #Anonymous #et queue justice?

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wardencommanderrodimiss · 5 years

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halloween special 2019

(Or, Halloween Special 2027, because this is set immediately after Turnabout Academy but contains no reference to it besides the fact that Juniper exists.)

A Fae AU side story. A classic meme of the autumnal season gets a cannibal joke twist, and the real horror story is the friends we made along the way. Written with the profoundest apologies to the professor from whom I took an entire semester course on Edgar Allan Poe.

----

It still feels like the crack of dawn, after the week they’ve had, but dawn is admittedly later in late October, and the sun is already risen, so it’s not early at all. It’s no one’s problem but Phoenix’s own that his brain is still zombified. Trucy woke him up, flinging her things all around the apartment to get ready to head out: Juniper has joined her trick-or-treating group that already consisted of Trucy, Vera, Jinxie, Athena, and Pearl, and Pearl still doesn’t have a costume, and now neither does Juniper, and Vera hasn’t finished making hers, and it’s T-minus two days until Halloween.

So he scrambled some eggs for his daughter and ushered her out the door after making her promise to say hi to all of the other girls for him, and then he crawled back into bed. Barely three minutes after, his phone rang. That was marginally better than his phone ringing once he had fallen back asleep, but this deprives him of the chance of going back to sleep at all, probably, and actually it’s not better. Phoenix doesn’t know why he thought that. He squints at the tiny screen on his phone to see that an impossible amount of symbols, including what looks like some Japanese characters, a pentagram, and a simplified pixel art hand making a middle finger.

“Hello, Maya.”

“Niiick! I need you to settle a dispute!”

Phoenix groans. “Between who?”

“Hello.” Iris’ voice comes through as clear as Maya’s, clearer than humans ever are on phone calls. Magical speakerphone. Phoenix drops his face into his pillow.

“Iris says that the only one of Edgar Allan Poe’s stories to involve cannibalism was his one weird-ass novel that he never finished. But he’s gotta have had more than that right? He strikes me as a cannibalism kinda dude.”

“I don’t know,” Phoenix mumbles into his pillow, and then, resigned to his fate, he lifts his head and repeats clearly, “I don’t know. I’m not the literature guy.” He knows Shakespeare, and what he knows about Shakespeare is that he needs to keep Maya away from it, else she might decide that Puck is a role model. “Iris would have more of an idea than me.”

“Nick! You can’t take your ex’s side over me!”

Iris giggles in the background. “This is an argument about objective facts, Maya,” Phoenix says. “I’m not ‘taking sides’ personally.”

“Okay, but, Montressor was definitely saving Fortunado down there to chill him to a good eating temperature and then have him as a snack with the Amontillado. Like that’s gotta be why he killed him that way.”

That’s one of the few Poe stories Phoenix knows. He can answer this one. “There was no Amontillado,” he says wearily. “That was the whole point of the story, Maya. He lied about having the fancy wine to get Fortunado down to the catacombs because that was the best place to kill him quietly. There wasn’t any cask of Amontillado.”

Maya gasps. “What?” She sounds so betrayed that Phoenix almost laughs and almost feels bad. “He lied? He can’t lie!”

Now Phoenix does laugh. “What, did you think he was fae because elaborately killing someone for some unmentioned slights is a fae thing to do?” She sounds more scandalized at the lie part that the murder part, which, for anyone even slightly versed in fae culture, does make sense.

“Well—” Maya sputters. “Yeah!” She heaves an exaggeratedly loud sigh. “I guess The Cask of Amontillado really isn’t a story that implies cannibalism.”

“There was other wine in the wine cellar where he walled up Fortunado,” Iris says. “Perhaps one of those would pair with him just as well for Montressor’s meal as you imagine the Amontillado would.”

“You don’t need to patronize me,” Maya says, sounding less irritable than Phoenix expects. “But, oh, Nick, other question! Why would the narrator, obviously possessing greater strength and no morals, not simply eat the old man so as to get rid of his creepy staring eye and better muffle the treacherous tattletale heart?”

“Telltale,” Iris says. Maya groans at the correction.

“Bitch-ass snitch,” Phoenix says.

“No,” Iris says. “Definitely not. Now, to return to the heart of your question, Mystic—”

Maya and Phoenix both snicker. What follows is not a long silence, but it is a loaded one, and then Iris resumes speaking, her clipped tone betraying her annoyance with the inadvertent pun. “The heartbeat was not a real sound,” she explains, “but rather the psychological manifestation of his guilt at committing the murder.”

“Oh,” Maya says. “So it’s like when you want to get coffee you have to have a barista make it and hand you the cup because if you tried to serve yourself from a machine it always explodes back in your face. It’s not the machine that hates you, it’s you who hates you, and the machine is the expression of it!”

“That is…” Iris trails off, clicking her tongue in thought. “Actually, yes, similar, though no one but the narrator could hear the sound of the heart.”

“So he wasn’t fae either,” Maya says. “Otherwise the whole house would’ve been, ba-dum! That they all felt it! And then probably it would explode.”

“Y’know, if he had eaten the old man,” Phoenix says, because sometimes it is fun, a flex of creative muscles he doesn’t usually get to stretch, to play along with Maya when she has her inane musings, “he still would’ve heard the heart beating, right, because it was just in his head. But instead of yelling at the cops that it was under the floorboards—”

Maya knows where he’s going with it immediately; either he knows the way she thinks too well, or she knows him. “—dude woulda been yelling about hearing it in his own stomach. Man, can you imagine? You’re just some beat cop coming in to investigate and then the guy starts shrieking about killing a dude but instead of starting to tear up the floorboards to show you the body he starts trying to claw open his own stomach?”

Phoenix considers that. He decides that yeah, it would be pretty far over on the scale of fucked-up things he’s seen as a lawyer. Sort of like Matt Engarde tearing up his own face in despair and fury, but also way worse because it would involve definite cannibalism and possible disembowelment, depending on how far the narrator got in his attempts. “Yep,” he says. “That’d be fucked up.”

“You could write it,” Iris says. “Poe is public domain, is he not, and you an adult man who could get away with it under the name of ‘literary reimagining’ rather than it being called ‘fanfiction’.”

“No thanks,” Phoenix says. “I’m not gonna be the man who messes with the classics.” He’d pitch the idea to Larry if Larry made his name on literally anything other than wholesome life-affirming picture books. Actually, he still wouldn’t, because Larry is an artist as well as a writer and there’d be a chance that he’d turn it into painting rather than prose and that is a level of horror Phoenix doesn’t want to go to. Better just to stay on the level of Maya reading cannibalism into every horror story that crosses her path.

(Would Athena call that projection? He is not going to think about that any longer.)

“Glad anyway you could help with our dispute,” Maya says. “Cuz” - she’s never settled on one nickname for Iris, but cousin or a derivation usually means she’s not angry with her - “was getting wistful when Pearly went off to talk shop with all your daughters, so she wanted to get in the holiday spirit and it spiraled. I made it spiral.”

As tends to happen around there. As Maya is wont to do. Phoenix isn’t surprised. He also decides to ignore the “daughters” remark. It’s not worth arguing that Trucy is his only daughter, and okay maybe Vera half counts, but on the other end of the spectrum, he’s known Juniper for not even a week.

So instead he voices the matter that is bothering him. He’s afraid to speak it into the world lest she hadn’t thought about it, but he also needs to be prepared. “So, Maya,” he begins warily, “you planning on venturing out for Halloween?”

He’s dreaded this holiday ever since that first year, when she figured out what trick-or-treat meant and decided that this was the most fae of holidays, what with one being allowed to threaten and extort strangers for goodies. It’s more blatant than the fae usually are, even. That first year, he had to keep her entertained and distracted all night, with candy and other sugary sweets and campy movies, so she couldn’t go and fulfill her suggestion of egging Edgeworth’s car as revenge for him being “a huge douchebag to us in court”. She had gotten the eggs ahead of time and stashed them in his fridge so at eleven they made a run to the corner store for other ingredients to teach her how to make omelets.

“Nah, don’t worry, I’m staying right here. Pearly can have her fun. But you and I are totally on for our post-Halloween bargain bin on-sale candy shopping spree. You’re buying! It’s tradition.”

“Huh?” It happening three years in a row, and then not for the next seven years, does not a tradition make. “Objection!”

“Nope!” She sounds positively gleeful; he can picture exactly what her smile looks like, how wide and toothy. “Ignored! What’s it that judges say again - overruled! You are overruled! And your penalty is reading Poe for a refresher so we can talk about it more! We need to talk about the one with the cat because I can’t decide if the cat is fae! Or even if it’s one cat! I want everyone’s input!”

His phone display shows a pixel jack-o-lantern with a grin in a probable approximation of Maya’s. He drops his head back onto his pillow. “Goodbye, Maya.”

The second Halloween, they carved pumpkins in the office; Pearl demanded they not have scary faces, Maya ate half of the seeds even before they roasted them, and Phoenix tried not to think about how last year at that time Edgeworth was around that they could consider the prospect of egging his car. When they dropped pumpkin guts on the floor, Mia flung it right back at them to get it stuck in their hair. The third year, they brought Pearl along for candy shopping, too, and she sat in the cart atop a throne of bagged sweets and pointed out clearance decorations she wanted for next year. They’re boxed up somewhere. He should find them for her and the other girls. For next year, or seven years later, it’s not that much of a difference, is it?

“And,” he adds, “I’ll see you in November.” Start anew. “Tradition, right?”

#fae au extras #roddy fanfics #fae au tag #fic: the witches of los angeles #Wolf would you believe i had this concept BEFORE talk started of the poe musical in chat

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kukurubean · 5 years

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really long character survey » kassem

tagged by @to-the-voiceless! i feel like i’ve done a version of this for rothe before, so i picked kassem. tagging: @theseventhdawn gimme jorge, @aethernoise, @ahlis-xiv, @holyja, @coeurlfist, and whoever else wants to!

BASICS.

FULL NAME: Kassem Tariq

NICKNAME : Tariq

AGE : 29

BIRTHDAY : 8th Sun of the 1st Astral Moon (1/8)

ETHNIC GROUP : Midlander Hyur

NATIONALITY : Hannish

LANGUAGE / S : Eorzean Common, Hannish

SEXUAL ORIENTATION : Asexual? probably? hell if I know anymore

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : I would’ve said aromantic but uh SOMEONE fell in love

RELATIONSHIP STATUS : :^)c

HOME TOWN / AREA : Radz-at-Han

CURRENT HOME RESIDENCE : Ul’dah

PROFESSION : Alchemist; private investigator

PHYSICAL.

HAIR : Very thick, considerably curly, and pushed back the best he can manage lol

EYES : Glow-y because I say so. Ice blue.

FACE : Defined cheekbones, brows, perpetual scowl

LIPS : Probably frowning.

COMPLEXION : Gods bless Thavnairian skin care bc otherwise he’d have enough frown lines to make any middle-aged woman gasp in horror.

BLEMISHES : Let’s be honest this man’s gonna have circles under his eyes for the rest of his life

SCARS : Minor acid burns from cheap Ul'dahn gloves

TATTOOS : None

HEIGHT : 5'6"

BUILD : Small for a midlander; not exactly petite, but it’s starting to become obvious his current habits are taking a toll on his body

FEATURES : He has a pretty large birthmark on his lower back

ALLERGIES : None

USUAL HAIR STYLE : Pushed back, usually falls into his face esp when it’s late.

USUAL FACE LOOK : (눈_눈)

USUAL CLOTHING : Long cloaks, muted colors, Ikraam’s Laziest Model Ever

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S : Dying on Ul’dahn soil.

ASPIRATION / S : To go home. Raise their family’s standing. Make $$$.

POSITIVE TRAITS : He’s a genius.

NEGATIVE TRAITS : He does not use his genius well.

MBTI : INTJ (The Architect)

ZODIAC: Nald’thal

TEMPERAMENT : I googled this. Melancholic?

SOUL TYPE / S : I also googled this. Thinker?

ANIMALS : Cat

VICE HABIT / S : Not sleeping.

FAITH : I’ll say Twelve until we see a Thav/Hannish character throw us a bone on what they practice. But I HC they have a different faith distinction.

GHOSTS ? : Nope.

AFTERLIFE ? : Nope.

REINCARNATION ? : Hm. Maybe. I’m not allowed to say maybe on him but I honestly can’t decide what he’d reply with rn.

ALIENS ? : Nah.

EDUCATION LEVEL : (Brianna, yelling about Thancred: HE HAS A PHD.)

FAMILY.

FATHER : Eilqar Tariq

MOTHER : Firuzeh Tariq

SIBLINGS : Ikraam Tariq

EXTENDED FAMILY : I mean, yeah. Have I made them? no,

NAME MEANING / S : Tariq usually refers to things that appear at night, describing both travelers and the stars.

FAVORITES.

BOOK : Some big complicated alchemy tome that he has at home and desperately wants back. The only copy he’s found in Eorzea is grossly marked up by a Ruby Avenue vendor.

DEITY : Thal,

HOLIDAY : Heavensturn

MONTH : January

SEASON : Winter

PLACE : His room. At home.

WEATHER : Rainstorms

SOUND / S: None. Silence. (or rain)

SCENT / S : Incense

TASTE / S : Nut bake

FEEL / S : Putting on clothes warmed by the sun.

ANIMAL / S : cat,

NUMBER : 9

COLORS : Blue

EXTRA.

TALENTS : ...alchemy skfdjhsd

BAD AT : normal human functions

TURN ONS : idk

TURN OFFS : idk

HOBBIES: Working. Passing out when the work is done and starting all over again.

TROPES : Good Is Not Nice, Icy Blue Eyes, Badass Longcoat, The Insomniac, Deadpan Snarker, Bunny-Ears Lawyer , Black and White Morality, i don’t want to spend any more time on tv tropes,

QUOTES : “You’re blooming at the mouth again. / A field of red, your hands catch like tinder. / This messy hunger dissected on the table with open eyes. / To say you gave a name for the rain.” — Ana Carrizo, A Field of Red

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 : If you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?

A1 : I’m no good with movies. I’d stick him in an Ace Attorney game so he can be even more of an illegal menace than Edgeworth with the autopsy report (because Kassem made the report.)

Q2 : What would their soundtrack/score sound like?

A2 : Boy do I have the album for you. (It would be the Suitei Yuuzai OST.)

Q3 : Why did you start writing this character?

A3 : I was bored in a course I was taking to get a law assistant certification. I was joking with friends about this text post and making a character who could be that law professor.

Q4 : What first attracted you to this character?

A4 : I feel like it’s obvious how much more comfortable I am with Kassem compared to Rothe. He’s a bunch of tropes I like.

Q5 : Describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse.

A5 : It’s frustrating having to define all things to black/white. I can’t duck out and go halfway with him; I have to make a solid decision and he has to carry it out.

Q6 : What do you have in common with your muse?

A6 : Our MBTI’s are one off so take that as you will. (INTJ vs INFJ.) We’re both a little too averse to sleeping than we should be. I’m a boring ex-law student turned accountant. Though I wish I could calculate numbers as well as he can...

Q7 : How does your muse feel about you?

A7 : LMAO. We’d get along, especially if we were working together.

Q8 : What characters does your muse have interesting interactions with?

A8 : I really love his involvement with @theseventhdawn‘s mafia, Vigil. It was a setting I never really considered putting him in, so it’s fun to think of him interacting with a group that doesn’t exactly abide by his personal creed or expectations.

Q9 : What gives you inspiration to write your muse?

A9 : ...I just really enjoy picking on him.

Q10 : How long did this take you to complete?

A10 : I honestly have no clue because I was doing about 4 other tasks while I filled this out (over several days,)

#slaps my a11 folder open bc i havent been on him since..............#i miss him a lot #i just dont feel like playing #kassem tariq #meme

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synnefo-nefeli · 6 years

Note

For the dribbles, klapollo, "I'm too sober for this"

So sorry I am late for this!!! I didn’t forget! RL has been busy!

***

Apollo knew that eventually, he would have to deal with “that side of” Klavier. It came with the territory of living in LA and dating a celebrity. Apollo would have been okay with it, if Klavier’s celebrity remained solely on the side of the Law- kinda like Mr. Edgeworth. At least Apollo had some common ground there and Apollo was making a name for himself too.

But no, Klavier was very much a celebrity in the “Razzle Dazzle LaLaLand” vein and Klavier remained in contact with his A-Lister friends and the Movers and Shakers of the Music and Entertainment Industry. And while going to mansions out in the Hills, and rubbing elbows with the most beautiful people in the world, would be a dream for many, Apollo dreaded the idea despite him knowing that him being there for Klavier at these events was important/ things that came with the territory of being a good boyfriend.

“It’s going to be fine, Spatzi,” Klavier offered as he drove them past the security checkpoint at the mansion’s gatehouse, “It’s just a party.”

Apollo nervously chewed at his lip watching the scenery drive-by, “At one of the biggest director’s homes in the city.”

“He’s a normal person, Spatz-”

Apollo turned to shoot Klavier a look, “We’ve been on this driveway for like minutes, and the house is nowhere in sight, normal person, my ass Klav.”

To his credit Klavier only offered a gentle laugh and an “ah, ja, this is a little much” and kept driving.

Apollo sighed wishing he didn’t feel an impending sense of dread and social anxiety. It wasn’t fair- Klavier went to all the things Apollo asked him to attend happily, but then again Klavier was a natural crowd-pleaser and an extrovert extraordinaire. He made friends wherever he went.

“You never told me what the party was about,” Apollo offered as the house finally came into view, “or how you know this guy? I know the scenes intersect a lot, but you really don’t have a lot of dealings with Movie Bigwigs…”

“Ah, we know each other from a club.”

That was new. Apollo cycled through his information about Klavier before they started dating. Was he talking about a Country Club? Klavier never mentioned that he belonged or if the Label Record ever gave them access to one- was Klavier holding out on him? A country club would be nice…Apollo’s apartment complex’s gym was rather mediocre…

But Klavier had that intense look on his face; the only he usually got whenever the man was ready to give as good as got in court; as much as Klavier didn’t participate in sports, the prosecutor was incredibly competitive.

He was about to ask about what club Klavier was referring to, but they were pulling up to the valet and Apollo’s door swung open to reveal the attendant waiting for Apollo to exit the Mercedes.

There were a lot of people milling about, and Apollo picked up on the tense feeling that seemed to resonate within the crowd. He wanted to mention it to his date, but Klavier was wearing his steel and cooled expression, not the usual easy-going one as Klavier took Apollo by the hand and lead them to the entrance.

“We’ll stay as long as I need to defend meine crown…we can leave as soon after if you’re not enjoying yourself-”

“Crown?” he asked bewildered, “what is this? What sort of thing are we-” but then they were being swept into the gargantuan house, and Apollo was being introduced to many people he was certain that he wasn’t going to remember their names in the morning.

For the most part it was a typical LA house party. Many beautiful people, alcohol flowing freely and music playing a little too loudly. Totally Klavier’s scene…so why was he acting so intensely…and passing up the alcohol?

“Uhh, Babe?” Apollo offered trying to offer Klavier some of his cocktail, “are you okay?” Was Klavier acting this way for Apollo’s sake? If so Apollo felt badly that Klavier would sacrifice his good time just because Apollo was being socially awkward.

But Klavier waved him off, his typical smile returning, “Later baby, I need meine wits and coordination about me…Ah there is our host. It’s about to begin!”

“What’s about to begin?!”

A large middle-aged man, one of Hollywood’s elite producers and directors wandered onto the stage that was set up between the large speakers,

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to the 25th annual South California Alpha Delta Chapter, AIR GUITAR COMPETITION! We have a roster tonight that is sure to thrill-”

The words drowned out as he looked over at Klavier, who was looking at their host with a look of excited anticipation.

“An Air Guitar Competition? You’re a part of an Air Guitar Club?”

“Ja,” Klavier smiled, “And I’m the reigning champion four years running…und I want to make it five,” he was practically purring.

Apollo frowned, “Wait…this is a thing….how have we been dating and I don’t know this about you?!”

Klavier feigned wounded, “Ach, baby…how do you think I got so gut at it?”

Apollo groaned, “I don’t know…I figure you were good at it because you know, you play the ACTUAL guitar and you’re an ACTUAL rockstar?”

“Ah baby, you’re such a gut and supportive boyfriend. This is why I love you…you always think the best of me-”

“That’s not it, fop, and you know it-”

“Competitors please come to the back to receive your performance number and submit your set lists.”

“That’s mine cue, baby,” Klavier leaned over to kiss Apollo, “be meine lucky charm?”,

A thrill went up withing him, how could he say no to someone like Klavier, despite this most ridiculous scenario. Apollo blushed, “Uh, yeah, sure. I mean of course?”

Klavier gave him another kiss,”You’re the best, mein liebling,” then he disappeared into the crowd of the queuing competitors.

And then he was alone.

“There are seats over there, sir,” an attendant who was in charge of crowd control said and pointed Apollo to sit at a table with people who were more than likely the unfortunate spouses and significant others who had been dragged to support the competitors.

Apollo stood before the table looking bewildered looking between the stage and the new group of “friends for the evening”.

“First time?” a woman with several empty glasses in front of her.

Apollo nodded.

“Let me guess,” another man, Apollo vaguely recognized from a celebrity rag sheet slurred, “he didn’t tell you until you were inside what this is?”

“Pretty much.”

The woman patted the spot beside her, “Come here and drink with us dear, you’re in for a long night. Your boyfriend is favored to win.”

So Apollo sat and found two more drinks set in front of him, “So how much do I have to drink to not have second-hand embarrassment.”

“A lot…just smile and maybe you’ll be cheerfully supportive by the time the costume round starts.”

“C-costume Round?!?”

“Yup, that’s house they get performance points on top of their technical points… so we don’t end up with ties…and stay here longer than needed.”

“There are points?!”

The lights dimmed and a hush went over the crowd as the first competitors took the stage. Strains of Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me” struck up as the competitors began to guitar “duel”.

It was interesting he had to admit and the competitors seemed to be into their imaginary guitar battle…some of them definitely had the flare to make Apollo forget that they didn’t have actual instruments in their hands.

But then his mind kept circling back to the point that at some point, Klavier was going to be on stage and he was going to have to be his Klavier’s supportive and loving boyfriend throughout this silly thing.

“Another sir?” A waiter asked offering a tray filled with several sugary cocktails,

Apollo took one, “Yes, please. I am still too sober for this-”

The waiter smiled and Apollo almost missed the, “you’re not the first to say that, sir” as the man walked away.

And so Apollo settled back to witness his very glimmerous boyfriend wow a crowd of Hollywood elites, with nothing but attitude, stage presence, and a guitar made of air.

When Klavier eventually took the stage in a dazzling purple sequined number, he was greeted with the cheers and applause as per usual whenever he was on a stage. However, the drunkenly enthusiastic shout of

“KNOCK THEM DEAD! GO ROCKSTAR BOYFRIEND!”

was enough to spur Klavier to a certain and decisive victory.

#klapollo #ace attorney #apollo justice #klavier gavin #writing

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dornishsphinx · 6 years

Note

T, U, and Y!

T: Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

Hmmm hard and fast headcanons that I’d die defending

From SOV, Conrad’s mother was a lady-in-waiting and close friend to Berkut’s mother who came with her to the capital when she married into the royal family. Lima was invited to the capital during the famine because the Rigelians were desperate. He saw her there and demanded she come with him in exchange for aid. (I may also be writing a fic on Conrad’s mother, watch this space ^_^)

Wrt Tellius, the United Bird Tribes eventually fall apart, the specific breaking point coming about due to arguments about over succession. The ravens end up putting forward Naesala and Leanne’s raven son and the hawk population are adamant that he not be considered (some going as far as to say that ravens in general shouldn’t be considered) due to lingering anger, the ravens getting angry in turn and moving to once again declare the independence of Kilvas (and taking a bit more territory with them this time since they’re in a stronger position.)

When it comes to Naesala and Leanne’s kids, the heron girl mostly takes after Naesala in personality, though the raven boy is more similar to Reyson than either of his parents (both also have traits from Leanne, but they’re less noticeable on first impression.) Both can sing galdr due to their mother but, especially for the raven boy, its effects are far weaker. (Maybe let’s say in gameplay terms that raven boy can buff and not actually refresh.)

Their heron daughter on one occasion also accompanies Naesala on a diplomatic mission to Begnion, where she decides to learn beorc magic—with Sanaki’s blessing and occasional direct tutelage—as a way to bypass herons’ inability to fight the laguz way, even staying there for a while when he leaves for his next destination. This is a major scandal in the laguz world.

U: Three favourite characters from three different fandoms and why they’re your favourites.

Oh man, it took me a while to settle on who to talk about, but:

Jason Todd (DC Comics)

Jason is the reason I got into DC generally, so I was already biased, but Jason is interesting because he’s a counterpoint to the idea that Batman knows Gotham City better than anyone, as someone who actively grew up on its streets rather than in the safety of a mansion, and someone who came to a vastly different conclusion on what had to be done to make it safer without being painted (mostly) as a clear-cut villain. Also, he’s a literary nerd and it’s such a cute little detail which is never really brought up explicitly on page but is a recurring thing in the background. The antique book collection in UTRH, reading Pride and Prejudice while in jail, really liking school as Robin, and in other bits I can’t remember the context of.

Where he gets fascinating is on a meta level though. We have the juxtaposition between what modern writers want Jason’s Robin to have been (I really love his run as Robin too, he’s such a cutie in comparison to what he becomes later) and how he actually was written, which kinda comes off as the characters themselves trying to convince themselves of something that isn’t true. And I’ve seen complaints about how people treat his death as being so much more important than others’ deaths when he’d hardly the only DC character to die, but it’s precisely because of real-world circumstances that it’s such a big deal–killed off by poll, left untouched for decades, his costume an ever-present ghost in the Batcave and for the Batfamily–it’s one of those things that can only happen in a big shared comicsverse medium.

I’ll never forgive the New 52 for being the reason we never saw, and can never see now, the Batfamily and Red Hood’s relationship develop.

He just became an ally again randomly in a way that screams editorial mandating “make them get along now, we don’t care how.” They just made everyone do a 180 without bothering to explain why or how and I hate it.

(Also, imo, grey morality Red Hood>outright villain Red Hood AND outright hero Red Hood.)

Laurent (Captive Prince)

Man, I know Captive Prince is controversial, but the story is just so good and even though it’s been a while since I read them, Laurent as a character has stuck with me. (I mean, I adore Damen too, but so many of the character concepts

I’ve come up with since reading the books have been Machiavellian princes shutting themselves off from their emotions, I’m pretty sure Laurent is the source.)

He’s had to adapt to survive the personal hell his uncle transformed the Veretian court into when he (and Damen) got the rest of their family killed—and, at the same time, anyone with the power or desire to protect Laurent from him—when he was just a little kid, and has just built up all the walls around himself. Seeing them slowly peel back and reveal the other sides to him he’s been forced to keep hidden for so long is one of the great things about the series. He’s such a well-realised character, and as you read along, you get to the point where you just need to see him succeed in taking Vere back from his uncle.

He always has the best comebacks too. Nearly everything he says when he’s not awkwardly trying to work his way around emotions he can’t properly express, usually when around Damen, is just pitch-perfect sarcasm even in dire circumstances.

Just a great character overall.

Franziska von Karma (Ace Attorney)

Last time I talked about a favourite Ace Attorney character it ended up being Ema, but I did say she only just beat out Franziska, so it’s her turn now. I’m so sad she’s not reappeared in any of the main games since the original trilogy, though at least we have Investigations. She still has to give Phoenix that card back!

But yes, I just love Franziska. She is very much part of the running theme of legacy families in Ace Attorney with her need to attain perfection and measure up to the Von Karma name, and her relationship with Edgeworth is sweet in a super competitive way. When she comes back later and spends the night trying to solve the puzzle locks to save Maya, you can also see that she has gone through a lot of development over the course of JFA and T&T.

(I maintain that 6-5 would have been vastly improved if she’d taken Edgeworth’s place, and am not entirely convinced it wasn’t originally written with her in mind. I mean, last time she appeared she was undergoing character development and trying to save Maya in a spirit medium-related setting, and this time had Maya being in a perilous situation in a spirit medium-related setting in a foreign country AND she has a history of working with Interpol. It would have actually made sense for her to show up as opposed to the Chief Prosecutor of a foreign country.)

(Also her design is amazing)

(Foolish fool)

Y: What are your second-hand fandoms (i.e. fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

Dragon Age is the big one I can think of. I played a little of Dragon Age Origins before Redcliffe became a never-ending zombie nightmare and I wasn’t able to progress, so I don’t count myself as having really played, but I pretty much know all the spoilers. And have even plotted out who I’m gonna romance when I finally do get around to it. Current plan: Alistair (while pouring one out for the F/F romance with Morrigan that could never be), Fenris and Josephine.

Also Marvel, kinda? I don’t really buy or keep up with Marvel comics anymore aside from going to see the movies. I’ll check it out, but usually it’s only on a whim. (If Agent of Asgard/JiM Loki ever get a run again, you can count on me jumping back in.)

#haha i didn't realise how long the jason bit got oops #my biases are clear #asks

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ungarmax · 7 years

Note

All the vidya game asks tho. All Of Them

1. Favorite game from the last 5years?

Idon’t even know what came out within the last five years. I thinkI’m gonna have to go with Stardew Valley? It’s my game on Steam withthe second most hours logged, but the one that has the most hourslogged came out 6 years ago. I haven’t played it in a while, but Ido really like it.

2.Most nostalgic game?

Hmm. That’s probably a tie between Link’s Awakening and Final Fantasy IV. Link’s Awakening was the first non computer video game I ever owned,and FF4 was my first RPG. That said, there’s a special place in myheart for the old SNES version of Wing Commander, the game Icommandeered at my cousins’ house every weekend.

3.Game that deserves a sequel?

Thething is, the best games in the world are the ones that don’t needsequels because they’re very well self-contained, or they’re alreadya part of a series. I’m tempted to say Chrono Trigger, becauseChrono Cross doesn’t count as a sequelso much as a spiritual successor. But I also want my children torest.

4.Game that deserves a remaster?

Inever trust these…sometimes they are done well, like the remastersof FF4 and Chrono Trigger for DS, those were both excellent. But Ilook into the future and think about how the FF7 remaster is going totake out all the dumb 90s cool guy lingo, and then I don’t like it somuch.

UnlessI’m wrong about what a remaster is? Because I just remembered thatwhen they rereleased FFX with better graphics, that was called aremaster.

Eitherway, I just suddenly decided I need a new version of Quidditch WorldCup because that was the fucking best game ever made.

5.Favorite game series?

Ihaven’t kept up to date with a lot of game series, thanks to lack offunds for the past few years, and most of the series I enjoy, Igenerally really like a couple of the games from it and eitherdislike or haven’t played the rest. Contenders are Final Fantasy,Metal Gear Solid, AceAttorney, and Legend ofZelda. But I’m way behind on all fourof them, and Final Fantasy has been…disappointinglately, to say the least.

Oh! Dragon Age has been pretty dang good thus far!

6.Favorite genre?

Ireally love RPGs, but lately I’ve been playing nothing but this citybuilder/RTS game and a couple of rogue-likes. I also love MMORPGs,but I haven’t had the money to pay for a WoW subscription in manyyears, and, uh, I only own up to Cataclysm, lol. Oh, and good ol’point and clicks hold a special place in my heart too.

7.Least favorite genre?

Firstperson shooters and platformers. I also usually dislike rogue-likes because I liketo min-max and the point of rogue-likes is that you literally cannotdo that.

8.Favorite song from a game?

ThePrice of Freedom, from Crisis Core.

9.Favorite character from a game?

FarisSherwiz from FF5.

10.Favorite ship from a game?

WOWwhat a question. I think I’m gonna have to go with Zack Fair/CloudStrife, since it’s something I’ve shipped consistently for 15 years.

11.Favorite voice actor from a game?

Ilike a whole lot of them, but I’m particularly fond of ChristopherRandolph’s voice. It’s to my extreme sadness that he’s not done muchother than Voice Of Otacon, but that’s okay. Apparently, he’s beendoing more since MGS, so that’s cool, but I’ve still barely heard ofanything he’s been in.

12.Favorite cutscene?

Thefirst thing that came to mind was The Sending in FFX. Anothercontenders is Zack and Cloud escaping the lab in OG FF7 (as long asyou turn off the game right after the truck scene). Those are thetwo I always keep save files right before that. Though I will saythat the scene in MGS before you fight the Boss in the flower field,or really, the entire ending cinematic of that game, is fuckingamazing too.

13.Favorite boss?

GOD,WHAT A QUESTION. Does this mean, favorite boss battle? Or favoritecharacter who is also a boss fight?

Myfavorite kind of boss is a difficult one that you need some sort ofstrategy to beat, so that you feel vindicated for winning. However,that said, this can border on annoying too, because, if it’s amandatory battle that you can get stuck on, that’s frustrating. So Iguess optional bosses are the best? I’m thinking like Ruby andEmerald in FF7, and Sephiroth in Kingdom Hearts. I also tend toreally like Zelda bosses because you can’t just hit ‘em, you gottafigure out how to use your brand new toy to do it. (Exceptthe water bosses for some reason? They all suck.)

Myfavorite character that you fight as a boss battle…probably Golbezor Kain Highwind from FF4. Which do I like better? I don’t know. There’s also the Boss from MGS3, of course. AndMiles Edgeworth? He’s a boss, right? There are probably more that I can’t think of right now.

14.First console?

Thefirst console I ever played was an NES, but the first one I everowned was a SNES.

15.Current console or consoles?

NES,SNES, N64, GameCube, Wii, PSX, PS2, and PS3. I also have a GameBoyColor, a DS, and a 3DS by technicality.

16.Console you want?

I’dlove a PS4, but it’s not like I can afford any games for it anyway.

17.Place from a game that you’d like to visit?

Thisis a really intriguing question, since games like Final Fantasy havesuch interesting and beautiful locations. There are so manybeautiful places just within the few FF games I’ve actually playedthat this is a really hard choice. The problem is that all theseplaces generally have monsters in them.

MaybeCleyra or the Farplane or the City of the Ancients?

18.Place from a game that you’d like to live in?

Doyou think Cosmo Canyon has WiFi?

19.Ridiculous crossover that would never happen but would be super fun?

FF4/TAZcrossover where apparently Lucretia is FuSoYa because they’re both incharge of fake moons.

20.Book that would make a good game?

I’mso tired right now I can’t think of a single book I’ve ever read inmy entire life. Like, the book I am reading right now is based on avideo game, so, I mean,

21.Show/Movie that would make a good game?

MacGyver! (Thank you, @perniciouslizard.) Like, it should be a point and click game,probably based on the old show because it had less boring fightscenes, and you can do QTEs for those even though I hate QTEs. Aslong as the game isn’t entire QTEs (I’m looking at you, Heavy Rain),it should be okay.

22.Games you want to play?

Thereare a Lot. Off the top of my head, I’d really love to finish DragonAge: Inquisition, and just to play, Persona 5, Breathof the Wild, allthe Ace Attorney games I haven’t played yet (there are at least 2,maybe more?), all the Pokemon games I haven’t played yet (whichis…most), Oxygen Not Included, all the Mass Effect games andFallout games, Night in theWoods, aaaand probably lots of others. I’m tired.

23.Have you gotten 100% completion in a game?

Yep. I have 100%ed FF4, I think, and also Link’s Awakening. Maybeothers, but those are the two I was proudest of. Actually, I don’tknow if FF4 counts? I got all the items (except possibly theincredibly rare thing with a ridiculous drop rate, but I don’tremember? I got all the extra summons for Rydia, though, which was aThing), but I didn’t level everyone up to 99. I’m working on a 100%FF7 run right now, but that’s gonna be a pain because I don’t knowhow to play the Fort Condor minigame. I usually just let them get tothe top and beat them up, but you can’t get all the items if you dothat.

24.Have you cried over a game?

Thismorning I cried because my cat scratched me while I was clipping hisclaws. I cry playing basically every video game, whether or not it’ssad. My top three crying games, though, in no particular orderbecause they’re all Really Fucking Sad, are FFX, Crisis Core, andMGS3.

25.What power-up or ability would you want IRL?

*thumbto bandana* Infinite ammo.

#boudiscanon #replies

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leofemt · 7 years

Text

car game

Wright hesitates. His eyes jerk from Edgeworth's face to somewhere past his head and back again. His lips tense.

"Thank you, Edgeworth." He says, finally, and Edgeworth stiffens barely. "You... really saved me in there."

post aa2-epilogue narumitsu/wrightworth, 1.6k words.

on ao3.

"Mr. Edgeworth!" The young girl- and Edgeworth could have sworn she had been much taller only an hour ago- chirps, smiling. Edgeworth jerks imperceptibly. "You have to come too!"

They've been talking about spending the rest of the night at the Gatewater, Edgeworth recalls, and he shakes himself back into reality. His head is still racing from the adrenaline of the case.

("Wright!" He had shouted, all but rushing up to the man, breathless in his- he is loathe to call it eagerness- to tell him the good news-)

"Ah." He says, looking down at the exuberant young girl. Pearls, if he recalled. "I- If I must, I suppose."

Maya beams at him. He watches Wright embrace her again, Pearls wriggling her way between them, and wonders if he should have not excused himself when Franziska had stormed off, with the convenient excuse of following his sister. Wright is- happy. In the courtroom, perhaps, he is allowed by the bar separating them to stand across from the man, to take his attention and challenge him, but here? Edgeworth has no jurisdiction here. He is made acutely aware of the fact. He may be the man's rival, but Maya and Pearl are the ones who stand beside him when Edgeworth challenges him. This is a happiness that Wright has carved for himself with his own two hands, and something he would lay down his life to protect, and Edgeworth has no right to intervene.

"Mr. Edgeworth," Maya says, sidling up to him as they begin to make their way to the door, "you look a lot better than when I saw you last time."

"Yes, well." Edgeworth replies, eyes flicking down to Maya's warm expression and back to somewhere around his feet. "Last time you saw me, I was in a rather bad way, so it's to be expected."

Maya loops her arm through his, a casual motion that almost makes Edgeworth freeze mid-stride.

"You should have made Franziska stay, she could have come to eat too," Maya continues, seemingly oblivious to the strangeness of her actions, "is it true she's mad at herself right now? And she gave Nick her whip, too."

"A-ah." Edgeworth forces himself to keep walking. "Right. I believe she, too, will experience something of a period of... self-reflection."

Maya smiles. She hums. There's a bounce in her step that seems wholly unnatural for someone who has been kept prisoner and starved by a professional assassin for two days, but of Edgeworth has learned anything in his time working in this particular region's legal system, it is that they Fey family surpasses all expectations and, sometimes, human limits.

Losing himself in thought for a moment, he snorts a quiet laugh. Maya looks up at him in shock.

"You laughed!" She exclaims, her grin somehow widening. "Mr. Edgeworth, you laughed!"

"I-" Edgeworth hurridly schools his expression into something he hopes is neutral. Maya is still pulling him towards the door. Ahead of them, Wright and Pearls are chattering about something, the stress of the case seeming to have lifted from Wright's shoulders with Maya's return.

"You look less scary when you laugh," Maya chuckles, and Edgeworth can't even find it in himself to chastise her. She has, after all, just been rescued from a situation that might have broken anyone else.

He can't even deny her when it turns out that she's been leading them to his car the whole time.

"Nick can't drive," she insists, "and shotgun!"

Edgeworth sighs and unlocks his car. Maya jumps in the passenger side seat, and Wright and Pearls cram into the backseat. His bright red car is filled with the sound of the engine rumbling and the energetic chatter that seems to follow these people, and he refuses to take the vehicle out of park until everyone puts on their seatbelts, and tamps down their protestations with a severe folding of his arms and a furrow of his eyebrows, and tries not to get used to the warm feeling in his chest, because it won't last.

~~~~~~

Edgeworth skids into a space at the Gatewater hotel, slamming on the breaks. Maya whoops. Wright looks about ready to launch himself out of the car.

"Mr. Edgeworth, you're such a good driver!" Pearls offers, beaming, and Edgeworth glances at her in the rearview mirror before inclining his head. Maya, Wright, and Pearls cluster together on the walk to the hotel's entrance, and if it weren't for the Fey's persistent attempts to drag him into conversation, one could mistaken them for two completely different parties who happened to be walking in the same direction.

Wright has not tried to engage him since their conversation at the hotel. Edgeworth can understand why, but that doesn't stop his chest from tightening.

People he recognizes arrive soon after- Gumshoe, who has met them at the hotel in a borrowed patrol car, the photographer with the large hair who Edgeworth remembers from the Gourd Lake case, the wild-looking man in the startlingly orange suit, a handful of others- he watches then approach Wright, watches Maya voraciously eat her first meal in two days, and feels particularly out of place.

"It is time I excused myself," he says, after staying an appropriate amount of time. "I still have some work to do at the Prosecutor's office."

"Aw, what?" Maya exclaims around a mouthful of food, a full plate in her hands. "Mr. Edgeworth, you're leaving already? You haven't even eaten anything!"

"I have to go," Edgeworth repeats, smiling slightly. It's fine if he can only have this. He gathers himself, prepared to leave the glittering warmth of the hall behind, when-

"Wait."

Wright speaks his first words to him of this part of the night.

Edgeworth turns.

"What?" He asks.

Wright hesitates. His eyes jerk from Edgeworth's face to somewhere past his head and back again. His lips tense.

"Thank you, Edgeworth." He says, finally, and Edgeworth stiffens barely. "You... really saved me in there."

Edgeworth's hand automatically grips his elbow- he looks away, unable to meet Wright's gaze. He knows Wright feels compelled to thank him, but he also knows he has damaged their relationship beyond repair- despite returning after a year, despite the overwhelming need to show that man the effect that he has had on the former Demon Prosecutor- to prove himself as a lawyer and as a person in Wright's eyes, because that had been the point of coming back to California, after all- he can never undo the harm he has done. Wright deserves something like this. The unfettered happiness and unquestioning support the Feys can give him. If the only place he can have in Phoenix's life is that of the fearsome rival, he will take it, because he deserves even less.

He wonders, for a moment, what it would have been like if he had not chosen death, that fateful night one year ago.

Maybe they would have drawn closer together, after that case. Maybe now, Wright would think of him as a close companion. A treasured childhood friend. A rival he can trust. A-

No. It's best to let that thought stray no further.

"If anyone should be thanking anyone," he says, instead of saying the thousand things that circle in his head like a pack of foxes chasing their own shadows, "it should be me thanking you. I was only doing my job."

An unreadable expression passes over Wright's face, like a shadow over a sun-soaked field, but after a moment he digs in his pocket and produces- Franziska's whip. He presses it into Edgeworth's hands.

"I mean it," that man says, "if it weren't for you- and for her-"

Edgeworth smiles. He knows what Wright is trying to say, and how Wright is trying to say it, and why he cannot, because Edgeworth has hurt him so badly and he has not recovered. He makes a note to call his sister, who is no doubt on the first plane back to Germany.

"That is the duty of the attorney, Mr. Wright," he replies. "Prosecutors and defense attorneys- our job is to seek the truth. Nothing more."

He takes the whip. He accepts Wright's sentiment.

"I had fun tonight," he says instead of anything else, the words feeling unfamiliar on his tongue. When was the last time he had fun? Three Signal Samurai keychains flash unbidden in his mind. "Now, if you'll excuse me..."

Edgeworth turns away. Whip in hand, he doesn't look back, misses Wright's eyes tracking his red-clad back all the way to the exit of the hall, only looking away when Pearls pulls on his sleeve and points worriedly at Maya, who is choking on a mini-slider.

~~~~~~

That night, Edgeworth pours himself a glass of red wine. He sits at his desk in his home and sips his drink. A red Signal Samurai keychain, carefully repainted where the original color has flaked off, lies coiled to the side of his drink coaster. The light from the streetlamp outside slants into the half-lit room through his window. Pess trots into the study, and whimpers and lays her head in his lap- he scratches her behind the ears, wonders if he should put on a Steel Samurai movie, allows himself to sit in contentment for a moment.

It's not true happiness- never before had he considered true happiness and satisfaction to be different concepts entirely, but now the knowledge sits heavy in his heart like a stone- but it's close enough, and more than he deserves, so he leans back in his chair a little more.

Days to come will provide more opportunities to take Wright on. In every case, Edgeworth resolves, he will prove himself to that man, as many times as it takes.

#narumitsu #ace attorney #phoenix wright #miles edgeworth #wrightworth #mine #my writing

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