#ace attorney sporking

[invertedspoon]

objection.lol i made of a discord argument i had

[sporkbug]

i made this in a frenzied daze

[keynoma]

SHOCK VALUE

CHAPTER 1

Here is the moment that you are all waiting for... What will going to happen?

A plot hole?

An OOC?

A random sex scene?

Would it be indeed a story where narrative value is just a suggestion?

Let’s introduce the sporkers for this grand sporking session, a so-called grand reopening and reunion for the sporking:

THE ONE WITH A PHILOSOPHY OF MORALITY - PHOENIX WRIGHT

THE ONE WITH A PHILOSOPHY OF OPTIMISM - MAYA FEY

THE ONE WITH A PHILOSOPHY OF LOGICALITY - MILES EDGEWORTH

THE ONE WITH A PHILOSOPHY OF PERFECTION - FRANZISKA VON KARMA

Management: Sporkers!

(The door was opened to reveal a grand, new, state-of-the-art theater. It was fitted with multiple air conditions and various colored lighting. Also, the theater seat was replaced with comfy movie theater beds. At the side of the cinema room was a buffet for the four.)

Maya: OH MY! FREE FOOD FOR THE NIGHT!

(Maya runs toward the buffet table)

Phoenix: Ah, finally. My wallet can rest in peace.

Edgeworth: However, our dignity? Not even a spare.

Phoenix: Come on, Mr. Edgeworth. Never be the edgy worth of pessimism in just a single dose of day.

*WHIPS*

Phoenix: YOOOOWWWCCHHH!

Edgeworth: Ah, Franziska! I hope you’re still well after the rumor of the so-called re-opening of the Sporking theater has been actualized after all.

Franziska: Better be, Miles Edgeworth! Is this some kind of joke that the Management offers us an improved theater with cohesive watching experience but in exchange for reading fiction, who represents us, having our value and worth being sullied?

Management: Ah, come on. It’s not like that. I know it’s going to be bad but in order not to consider it as complete overkill, I have to purchase a grand cinema house with the finest buffet. *WHIPS*

Management: Ok, ok, fine. I admit it’s bad. I just need help to comprehend this fic I’m reading. So, please, enjoy yourself a buffet.

Maya: Come on! Have a heart at least. Earn it as your rest day from your exhaustive work of being a prosecutor

Franziska: How does it help you? You know what will happen soon if you agree. Maya: You know, we have survived every bad fanfiction, So, knowing our experiences, is there anything that we never survived sporking on?

Edgeworth: (sigh) Franziska: Argh, for the love of your puppy eyes. Your call, Mr. Edgeworth. Edgeworth: …Mr. Wright?

Phoenix: Well, we wouldn’t want to waste the Management’s effort. So, it’s likely we are going to concede this. Again, it’s been more than ten years as sporkers, it should be a child’s play, at least.

*WHIP*

Phoenix: OWOWOWOW

*WHIP*

Maya: OWWWOWOWO

Franziska: Then, you made the right choice about the Management.

Management: …It is really the spirit of being a sporker. It is a fighter in becoming. By the way, you can ask me if you need any help.

Phoenix: Hmm, no psyche-lock since the beginning. I saw his statements are genuine but I don’t like the part where the Management admits the fic is bad.

Edgeworth: With or without psycho-lock, I already feel bad, Mr. Wright.

(The gang grabs the plate and gets the food from the table. Maya grabs all the pizza and hamburgers, Phoenix grabs the chicken sandwiches, Edgeworth gets the honey garlic salmon steak with the tea, and Franziska gets the salad skewer and truffle-flavored steak.)

(The gang occupies the theatre beds, which has installed food holder/table)

Management: Ok, let's get started.

(The light turns off, then the cinema screen fades in)

--

teh rasist ternabot this is realy ofensiv so u shoulnt red it if u are esily ofended

Maya: Uhh…

Franziska: Never knew that misspellings, missing punctuation and capitalization, grammar mistakes would appear in the same sentence. It’s not that I'm offended but it was the second beautiful language named English that would be offended for that.

Edgeworth: And maybe put the effort in the title and summary. That’s the first thing that the reader saw. Otherwise, you mess it up before everything gets started.

Phoenix: Maybe, people would misinterpret it as one of the other troll fics, not something that people would get comforted reading.

teh weed warz

WHIP*

Franziska: NEEDS!

*WHIP*

Franziska: PERFECT!

*WHIP*

Franziska: SPELLING!

Phoenix: So, we’re dealing with illegal drugs.

Maya: What is so ironic is that the Great Ace Attorney had an anti-drug campaign.

Management: The Management has highly encouraged Ms. Fey to not break the fourth screen.

Miles: That is not why I really fear it. It’s the “warz” I’m fearing.

teh beginin

Franziska: Honestly, that and the title has not even a single correct spelling on its word.

Phoenix: Wait. I think about it. Where is the...

Franziska: You mean anything with perfect spelling and grammar?

Phoenix: No, no, I mean the-

Franziska: A creative name rather than naming "the beginning" as the introduction to the narrative.

Phoenix: No, no, it's the-

Franziska: Zero, zip, zich, nada.

Phoenix: Argh!

Edgeworth: Now, I’m thinking. Since this story is titled, “the racist turnabout”, what made that become racist?

it elll begen wehn egdewrth lost his persocutors badge like sum time ago.

Edgeworth: I get it. Commonly a discrimination towards the character’s role and dignity and the art and beauty of English language.

*WHIPS*

Edgeworth: NGGGHHHH!

Franziska: How dare you? Not only you betrayed the name of von Karma but the name of the law. It’s an abomination to law, order, and justice locally and internationally. Now, explain yourself.

Edgeworth: Uhh…

he wux kot masterb8ting and wuz kalled gay and shit.

*WHIPS*

Edgeworth: No, the “Edgeworth” you should be asking is in the cinema monitor.

Phoenix: Now, we’re going from illegal drugs to public lewdness. What an inconvenient topic-changing!

Maya: (munches on hamburgers)

teh judg sad edgeworth u are gay andf 420 blazin butt you ckant fap in kourt. edgewoirthy said shit thos is fuking gay man i kkkan go 4 some weed.

Franziska: Although there are many grammar errors, at least the author gets Edgeworth’s name, also the longest name. But no, the capitalization here is missing.

Phoenix: I doubt that the judge would say much informal in court.

Maya: Woah, that’s a life-changer for Mr. Edgeworth but backward.

Edgeworth: Fine, fine, it’s not like I’m doing any illegalities especially since I’m a prosecutor.

Franziska: Better be, Miles Edgeworth!

soo egdewort start a lef of krime

Maya: Wow, too backward so much like we’re traveling back to the dinosaurs.

*WHIPS*

Edgeworth: NGGGGHHHH!

he raped liek inocent litel girlz and smokd wed everydy.

Franziska: It seems to me that we are reading another language, also known as, something that I don’t understand.

*WHIP*

Maya: That is way too backwards.

(silence)

Maya: Please, tell me, you’re not going into “Phoenix Drive” mode, are you?

Edgeworth: Nonsense, Ms. Fey. The only one doing this is the one who falsely mimics me, obviously, the one whom we are sporking to.

Maya: Mmhmm. Ok, that would be.

Management: Phoenix Drive? You know, before I knew it was a game but soon it was sporked, I thought it was an application that stores Phoenix Wright game files in the cloud internet.

Edgeworth: GAH! Please don’t give any programmer a good idea or any author a good title.

teh he started h8ting jews an joind teh KKK

Franziska: I realized that the maximum number of letters in a word that the author has correctly spelled except for the character’s name has finally reached seven.

Edgeworth: Franziska, this is not the way you should be optimistic.

Maya: Well, I don’t know how Nick, Ms. von Karma, and I equate into this story?

Phoenix: Maybe, later. This chapter focuses on Mr. Edgeworth solely, so let’s relax a bit.

(Phoenix drinks water)

meenwhiel pheenixkcz and moysa were having sex

Phoenix: PFFFFFFTTTTT! (cough)...(cough)

Maya: WHAT IN THE WORLD?

(Phoenix covers Maya’s eyes)

Franziska: That’s rather sooner than later.

Edgeworth: I guess this truly answered your question.

(Edgeworth sips the tea)

egde worth caut tehm butt tehn raped maya kuz he kan

Edgeworth: PFFFFFTTTTT! (cough)...(cough)

Maya: (covering her eyes) Why should I accept into this?

Franziska: Argh! Look what you’ve done with the perfect cleanliness of my clothes. And the perfectness of English grammar.

Phoenix: Alright, this is so early. It’s definitely not a good idea to introduce a character in that way, no less. This story only adds to its shock value, not the narrative value.

pheenicks said man i haet jew kuz thy are gay lol moay sid taht jews dont eat hamm, soo dey dint eat burgerz so thy are gay.

Maya: Huh? What with the not eating hamburgers because of religion purposes has something to do with being gay?

Franziska: PHOENIX WRIGHT!

*WHIPS*

Phoenix: ARGH OWOWOWW!

Franziska: You better not insult everyone in the world, especially this story insulted the second beautiful language.

Phoenix: Yes, yes, it’s not like I’m planning to.

egdewort dssaid then join teh kkk it is fun myua ad pxehecsicsjxccx siad ys.

Franziska: And joining the terrorist group is not a fun thing to do. If you have first thought about doing this, please tear up all of your bucket lists from now on.

Edgeworth: You know, although a bit clueless-

Phoenix and Maya: HEY!

Edgeworth: The two would not be convinced to join the so-called cult, especially using the only reason word “fun”.

Franziska: Also, I recommend the author to join any grammar classes if there is. Make it your bucket list from now on.

Edgeworth: Agree!

tehn gumshoo gawt joned in bexuc he wazu high

Franziska: Oh no, Mr. Detective Scruffy has joined the chat.

Edgeworth: Now, utilizing the reason word “high” reaches another level of abnormality.

and when pehcehckibeouickkkkk

Franziska: …

Maya: pehcehc-blah-huh? What does it suppose to mean?

Edgeworth: I would bet that the correct phrase would be “Phoenix, be our KKK, okay?”

Phoenix: Or maybe “Phoenix, be quick, KKK”?

(Maya, Edgeworth, and Phoenix glare at the Management)

Management: If you’re asking me for the true word, sorry, guys.

Franziska: If this becomes a word in the dictionary, we are now in the world of IQ level negative 200.

goawt in he brounght perl becuz she wuz liek 5 years old

Maya: Perl…Pearl..PEARLY?...PEARLY!

Phoenix: Oh no, we are on the Phoenix Drive after all.

Edgeworth: Let’s not jump to the conclusion. We only know that Pearl will be appearing sooner or later. (Edgeworth sips tea anxiously)

tehn tehy gawt an order frum aldof hitler!11!11!111!1 he siad to get rekr ad jwws. hitelr sad edgewrth u must steel teh wweed from predisent trumps offcis and sell it.

Phoenix: But now, this story gets too political. No comment for that because I don’t want anyone to have additional hate towards our game, especially since The Game Theorist.

Maya/Edgeworth: AGREE!

Management: …The Management…you know what?...You made yourself a point.

Franziska: (Now, the Management has lost for words.)

pheeenixk sad wow that seems legit moys said weed sound fun 2 smmoke edgewort siad i hate jwes and blaks

Maya: No, no. A canon-me would not get addicted to something so illegal.

Edgeworth: A canon-me would not hate Jews and Blacks.

Phoenix: A canon-me would not say this story is legitimate.

Franziska: Therefore, a canon-me would have every INTERPOL material to hunt this spawn fic, especially how bad the spelling was misplaced.

hitelr said geet the fuking money u ficking shitheds or ill kell u all

Edgeworth: I just think about it. This story has its time being bizarrely warped. How come that 20th century dictator was alive at that point, especially at the time of the 46th US president in the 21st century?

Phoenix: Who knows? Anti-aging cream? Fountain of youth?

(Edgeworth and Maya glares at Phoenix)

Edgeworth: Well, considering this story’s nature of providing shark-jumping elements, I’m not going to deny your answer, Mr. Wright.

Franziska: It’s too random to include real-life people for the story, especially the two with questionable reputations. If so, how can you make sense of that? How does it help your story? Remember, anyone would hate these two. So, why bother? What is really the purpose?

(Phoenix was about to answer.)

Franziska: Again, don’t make me answer “cameo” because that already is a moot point here.

(Phoenix backs down)

Franziska: Nice choice.

so tehn tehy ell gawt in teh fuking van aend edgeworth lit up a blunt gumshoo wuz drivig, butt wiht hiz cockain addicktionnn, he migt get hihg.

Maya: We’re now in the adventure van. Here we go!

Phoenix: Now, Mr. Scruffy is totally now Mr. Snuffy

(Maya glares at Phoenix)

Franziska: Congratulations, fic-all, you earned “go to the jail and it would be easy for the police to catch you” certificate because driving under vice is still a violation and would be obviously noticeable.

maya siad hey nik waent 2 haev sex feehcksickzz siuad sure moya u kan bee on top tehy had a tun uv seckz in teh bak aend perl saw teh whoel ting

Phoenix: Argh! That is terrible for anyone to do something sickening in a moving van, no less.

Maya: No..NO! What decides this author to include sex? A random abstractive sleepy dream?

Franziska: Ms. Fey, if he is at the top, then your whole skeleton broke down.

Maya: Despite my structure, I am not a feeble woman, Prosecutor von Karma. I am strong, that’s all. (munches on a hamburger)

Franziska: (Gee, her metabolism is not something that I expected.)

Edgeworth: Honestly, this is so random sex scene that this story makes a shock value a prioritization while a narrative value a suggestion.

wehn pheenicks saw perl seeing teh seckz, he beat her reel good

Maya: NICK, YOU BETTER NOT TO HURT PEARLY OR I AM LITERALLY GOING TO CHANNEL YOU!

Phoenix: Yes, yes, Ma’am! (Argh! Why would anyone gag me good?)

tehn oheenicks wnet harder on maya

Franziska: Missing capitalization, punctuation, wrong grammar. This story gets messy…and whole dirty…depending on what you think.

Phoenix/Maya: …

Franziska: I SAID, “DEPENDING WHAT YOU THINK”!

*WHIP*

Phoenix: YEOWCHHHH!

Maya: OWWWHCCCCHCH!

whiel tehy gawt sexy in teh bakc, egde wort sad man im hungery but wait tehrs a mcdonald! gumshoo shwawtpd teh kkkar and maya said mcodnald? wehre i need a fiking burger

Maya: Really? In front of my juicy burger? Including burgers in this bad fanfiction would make it less delicious and appetizing on my tongue.

Phoenix: So, that means we have to go to the sporking theater everyday in order not to indulge yourselves with many burgers. That would help my wallet heal back.

Maya: Nick, I don’t believe in alternatives. Of course, we have to go to the burger houses every day. That’s the tradition of every victory court day.

Phoenix: (sigh) (At least, I’m not regretting having a hole in my wallet because of the six-stomach woman.) (munches a sandwich)

butt pheenicks and maya were compeltely naked so evryone satered at tehm

Maya: OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS! HOW IN THE WORLD?

Phoenix: CAN SOMEONE CHANGE THE SLIDE? THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPENING!

Management: Oh, sorry, sorry. I never noticed that!

Edgeworth: (This is going to be a disaster for them.)

egfde dorth was behing a gay blak guy and gawt reel pissed at hmi soo he kild him wit a snipr rifel aend orderd teh bergerz butt it terns out taht tehy replacd teir letuc with weed leves!

Edgeworth: See what fic-me did to me? Never thought that the fic-me adds murder to his list of criminal charges.

Franziska: A second-degree murder charge? Noted.

Edgeworth: There is no need for you to emphasize, Franziska.

Maya: Wait, Mr. Edgeworth kills the guy before he gets the order. How come no one has seen or heard this? And how did he get the order?

Franziska: Uh-huh, how does McDonald's get a stack of weed leaves, especially if it's illegal? Why should they put in every meal? Now, I see not only the American court was sullied but the American food capitals and the language.

Phoenix: No comment because I would predict that everything would get bad to abysmal.

tehy all got high and were naked, soo tehy hadd seckz in frottn of evyone

Edgeworth: NGGGOOOOHHHHHHH!

Maya: AAAAAAHHHHHH! PLEASE, WHY WITH THAT?

Franziska: NGHHHH! The beautiful English…

Edgeworth: (Some priority she has.)

Phoenix: OH NO, NO. I’VE BEEN MR. RIGHT ALL ALONG. ARGH!

Maya: Nick, that’s the only time that your terrible joke can focus me away from this bad fanfic. And it’s a good thing.

Edgeworth: Is this author making Ace Attorney a Sausage Party? I see that this fiction made public lewdness a human’s legal right.

Management: …You know. Since this also gives me a visual anguish, all of your sporking faults would go unnoticed from now on.

Franziska: (Hmm, never thought the Management would get suffered as we are.)

tehy hadd 2 bee drageed out and bak 2 teh van and it wuz 4:20 o klok

Franziska: I just realized that it’s not even a night but afternoon, so probably more people would see you naked.

HOLD IT!

Maya: It may be 4:20 am, an early morning wherein no one is awake at the time.

OBJECTION!

Franziska: Well, how would you explain that the restaurant is still open in the early morning?

Maya: Uh...uh...NOOOOOOO!

Edgeworth: Please, girls, don’t make anything get worse.

gumshoo sad wee need 2 get 2 a hoetel 4 teh nite maya siad tahts a gud idea pheenicks said wait a hotel this is raelly gay gumshoo

Phoenix: Finally, I can still breathe now.

Franziska: And I’m not calmly breathing until this guy has constructed a complete sentence which is clean of grammatical errors.

Maya: Then, again, how does going into a hotel would make anyone gay?

Edgeworth: Another question remains unanswered. However, ignorance is bliss, you remember that.

Maya: Oh, thanks, Mr. Edgeworth! That feels me well.

Edgeworth: Heh! Just hoping that anything bad would never happen.

edge worth siad tehy have a bed soo i kan rape maya witout anyon knowing

Maya: MR. EDGEWORTH!

Edgeworth: Here goes my hope being shot down.

gumsoo said you fags are gay and WIAT! tehers weed in the bak! he turnd toward perl, who hadd no weed. but gumshoo wuz so desperet 4 weed he lickd her and even her genitalz

Franziska: WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I SEEING?

Edgeworth: IS THIS AUTHOR HAS ITS RIGHT MIND?

Phoenix: PLEASE NEVER REMIND ME THAT PEARL IS TEN IN THIS STORY!

Maya: PLEASE! NOT PEARLY! IT SHOULD BE ME THAT GUMSHOE IS…ARGH!

Edgeworth: If this one occurs, the most required action would be firing him rather than cutting the salary.

(Maya has about to say something)

Edgeworth: Literally…physically…with a gun.

Franziska: (Poor Detective.)

egde worth thot is waz sexy so he fapped 2 it tehn hiz kloths were staned white bai teh tiem tehy gawt 2 teh hoetl, they were kumpelety naked.

Maya: MR. EDDGGGEEEEWWWOOOORRRTTTHHH!! NOT YOU TOO!

Edgeworth: NO! I TAKE BACK THE “LITERAL FIRING” -

*WHIP*

Edgeworth: Nghhh!

Franziska: You deserve having your prosecutor’s badge revoked at the very beginning of this fic, right, Ms. Fey?

Maya: Yeah, yeah. REVOKED! That is.

*WHIP*

Edgeworth: Nggh! It’s not me.

Phoenix: (Please, tell me it's just mayonnaise from the leftover burger.)

Management: Never say “tell me” as if you never contradicted yourself. It’s just mayonnaise, duh, and don’t give my hopes down, Mr. Wright.

theitr room was standard, butt edgeworth said it awas gay because he was a muslim. edgeworth also siad maya did you have eny butrgers kuz i want to fuck you maya siad sure egdeworth and tehy had tonz uv seckz

Maya: Mr. Edgeworth, I have you know that I am not your sex toy.

Edgeworth: Argh! This is not something that I like.

Phoenix: Now, I wonder, where is that fic-me? I guess I’m finally spared of the whole humiliation.

Franziska: What an egological nature of a foolish defense attorney, I see.

Phoenix: I do say "wonder".

gumshoo and phjeeenicks were pervertd so

Phoenix: I guess not and yeah, considering this story’a nature, I would bet they would sex.

Maya: Please, not Pearly.

Franziska: Please, I need a perfect sentence.

Edgeworth: (Some priority everyone has.)

they pland to go 2 a strip klub

Maya: (relief)

Franziska: (frustration)

Phoenix: …That’s a different story. At least, I’m not watching any random sex scene.

Edgeworth: Mr. Wright, there is no “at-least” reassurances, you remember how many times this story gets so much twist, that has little to no sense.

Phoenix: Oh, that.

Edgeworth: And please don’t tell me you prefer going to a strip club, are you?

Maya: NICK, I NEVER KNOW YOU’RE SO PERVERT.

*WHIP*

Franziska: You’re now the model of true debauchee.

Phoenix: Please, it’s not like that.

butt perl kan be aloen gumshoo pheenicks siad. gum shoo siad i dont kare bitch just brink that bitch faggot. so tehy want 2 a strip klub and wasted all teir muney perl gawt skared 4 lief but feechninxks and gum soho didnt kkkare

Franziska: Ahh, another peaceful scene minus the three sins of offending English.

Edgeworth: And I would be willing enough to cut another salary not only for his incompetence but the carelessness of the kid.

Maya: And you don’t care Pearly, aren’t you, despite her considering you as a father?

Phoenix: I care Pearls so much that I would be willing to take her place in the story especially the “Gumshoe sex her” part.

Maya: Really, Nick?

Phoenix: Definitely.

Management: Hey, crime reconstruction would motivate you.

CRIME RECONSTRUCTION:he turnd toward phjeeenicks, who hadd no weed. but wuz so desperet 4 weed he lickd him and even his genitalz

Phoenix: Ok, ok, fine, fine. I’m willing. I’M WILLING! SPARE ME FROM YOUR VISUAL ANGUISH OF WHAT-IF!

Maya: Aww. Pearl is truly happy because of you, Nick.

Phoenix: (sigh) Thanks, Maya.

wehn tehy gawt bak it wux 4:20 am so tehy pertended 2 sleep.

Franziska: It’s indeed 4:20 pm last time.

(Maya glares at Franziska)

Franziska: Ok, fine, next slide!

egde worth and maya fall aslepp having seckz so wehn tehy woke up tehy put tehir clothes on. when pheenicks woke up he kot egedwerth moking out wit maya so he was pissed butt egedworth shot him dead and maya didnr kare becuz she was koising edgewort

Phoenix: Finally, I’m dead so I can be spared from every humiliation.

Franziska: Another murder charge? Noted.

Maya: It’s not right. I do care for everyone and I would not treat death as mere child’s play.

Edgeworth: You do have the "right" choice of word, even in this type of scenario.

gumshoo woek up end raped perl tehn he sad whet hepppend 2 feenickskcskx edge wort wus making out so he couldnt say anything butt gumshoo saw teh rifle and teh gunshotz so he siad seems legit edgewort. tehn he raped perl twice as hard.

All: …

Maya: Please, tell me my eyes were mistaken.

tehn he raped perl twice as hard.

Maya: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Edgeworth: (That’s how you explain killing two birds in one stone or killing four sporkers in one statement.)

Franziska: What in monstrosity?

Edgeworth: (closing his eyes) You mean the language aspect or narrative aspect?

Franziska: Obviously the language aspect…and narrative aspect.

Maya: ARGH! THAT’S IT! (abruptly standing up) I don’t care if the spirit or ghost would haunt this new sporking theater. I am only two centimeters away from that decision.

(Phoenix tries to restrain Maya)

Phoenix: Oh no, she was about to-

Edgeworth: Ms. Fey, please restrain yourself. (Please, not now! If Mia found out about that, I’m getting sore)

Franziska: (That’s sad. Shame on you, fools. No one talks about how horrible Detective Gumshoe was written. Of course, I don't outright say that because I don’t want to show my empathetic emotion especially to these trio fools. No one is a mind reader anyway.)

Management: I can read mind. Thank you very much!

Franziska: Agree, welco…what?

wehn egdewrorth was dun with maya he siad the uther ruum smelz liek weed maya waented 2 ckeck it out and gumshoo was having fun with sexks. maya and ecgenfejenworth went 2 teh other ruum and found ther neibor.

Edgeworth: Alright, let’s bet for the mysterious neighbor.

Phoenix: I bet it would be Franziska von-

*WHIP*

Phoenix: OWOWOWOWOWOW!

Franziska: I will not be in the story sooner unlike you trio fool.

Maya: Hmm. It reminds me of Dee Vasquez from the first case we’re working together. You know, the pipe smoke she always holding.

tehri neibor wux a famos drug deeler naemd matt engarde

*WHIP*

Phoenix: YEOOOOWCCHHHH!

Franziska: Serves right of having the wrong answer.

Edgeworth: Matt Engarde? He should be in jail for the murder and now, he is doing another type of crime.

Maya: Now, he gets fame from doing an infamous crime. What an unfair for someone working on a clean career.

Phoenix: And would you consider assistant as a career?

Maya: Come on, Nick, it wasn’t that bad.

when matt saw tehm come into his room he said GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR FAGGOTS! IMMMA FUCKING TIRED OF YOU FUCKING BLACKS SO GET THE FUCK DOWN!

Edgeworth: I just realize that this one they’re doing can be considered a physical invasion of neigborhood’s property. It may work as a basis for theft and robbery. They may be arrested for this crime, that is.

Phoenix: That means you are in for Matt Engarde. How pathetic?

Edgeworth: Only for this situation, Mr. Wright.

I SIAD GET THE FUCK DOWN YOU FUCKING JEW! YOU FUCKING BLACK-ASSED FAGGOT JEW BLACK GAY FAG!

Franziska: Ah. The only one of the instances that the author gets spelling right 15 times per its word. No, missing punctuation always convinces me that I don’t congratulate this fiction. And also, no, you’re still not constructing a perfect sentence which is clean of grammar errors.

Edgeworth: Also, in the exception of scripts, you can just add “screamed Engarde” rather than having unnecessary all-capitalization techniques.

maya got a rifel and shawt him ded egde worth found he had $420,666,696,969 dollerz wurth uv weed and kokaine. so maya sad were rich! yea! man i want sum weed rite now egde worth lit up a blunt and smokd it 4 a few munits

Edgeworth: It looks like the "basis of theft and robbery" is based all along.

Franziska: Another charge of second-degree murder? Noted. A charge of robbery? Noted. A charge of possession of illegal drugs? Noted. Now, this is a pile-up on my table in the prosecution's office.

Maya/Edgeworth: HEY!

Phoenix: So, any thoughts on practicing illegal vices, guys?

Maya: Not in a million years. Or make it a billion years. Food is my recreational enjoyment only.

Edgeworth: I would prefer not to suffocate with my own smoke. I would rather have an obituary similar to this…

CRIME RECONSTRUCTION:Miles Edgeworth died peacefully in the age of 76 from natural death. He serves as Chief Prosecutor who works to tear down corruption and mob crime, thus, bringing back the public’s trust towards the police and court. Everyone misses him including the one who wrote this obituary.

Edgeworth: Not this.

CRIME RECONSTRUCTION:Miles Edgeworth died with financial and social instability with lung disease resulting from addiction to drugs and smoking. He was once a prosecutor but due to unforeseen circumstances, he became a serial killer and drug user, who terrorizes every public and the police. Not sure but why should I write this obituary for a massacre’s culprit?

Phoenix: Good call, good call.

tehn he belw up teh wall 2 tehir room butt teh bellboi was tehre! egde wroth h8ted teh bellboi so he kild him

Franziska: A destruction to one’s property and possession of explosive weapons? No-ted. Congratulations, you are now the chaos towards the society.

Edgeworth: Alright, this is insane. What reason is there that I have hatred for the bellboy, enough to kill him? No, aside from illegal vices or the races.

(Maya was about to speak)

Edgeworth: If you’re asking about why it is necessary to blow a room, maybe to hide the body. However, this purpose destroys if you add another charge of murder after that.

Maya: …

Phoenix: Well, after that, they have to go home and do what is typical in this fanfiction. You know, the three-letter word thingy?

Franziska: …

Management: The Management reminds Phoenix Wright that this sporking session is now in freestyle mode. You can do whatever you want.

Phoenix: How about leaving the theater?

Management: …No.

Phoenix: Damn.

tehn tehre wure 68 moar witnezzez so maya, edgeowrht, and gumshoo kild tehm all the total killin aded up to 69 pepel

Phoenix: Hey, the total kill count should be 72 since you killed fic-me, the guy from the McDonald, and Matt Engarde. The correct term here is "total witness kill count" or “total killing added up to 69 witnesses”

Franziska: Then, you are now the public enemy to society. Also, congratulations, by massacre, you created another set of witnesses that you needed to kill. Either way, it’s unsuccessful.

Edgeworth: NGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

Maya: WE! ARE! NOT! CRIMINAL!

egde wroth rapd perl and sad thet you were a witess 2 so he kild her

(Edgeworth was about to speak)

Maya: Nope, just nope.

(Edgeworth concedes)

Franziska: (Nice choice.)

tehn tehy wantred to get the fuk out so tehy did.

Franziska: A worst charge goes to the rape, sexual assault, murder, and child abuse. This story should have been titled, “A List of Crimes for Dummies. Don’t Forget that Wrong Grammar is a Moralistic Crime to the Language”.

Maya: Or “Ten Reasons Why Mr. Edgeworth Should Not Be The Hobo, Don’t Believe Number 5”

Edgeworth: “Ten Logical Reasons Why Bad Fanfiction Should Be Burned In Ground, Number Seven would shock you.”

Phoenix: And “Ten Tips to Insult Everyone In the World, Number 3 will Probably Start a World War 3”

Management: Or “Ten Why’s of Existence of Sporking Theatre, Number 1 satisfies you”

(The four glares at the Management)

Management: …Right, here goes the outro.

Phoenix/Maya: Ahh, FINALLY!

Edgeworth: (Finally and argh, my food getting colder.)

NOTE ANNOUNCEMENT THE rasist ternabot series is DISCONTINUED!

Franziska: Finally, I can now escape from the torturous fic with no respect to English grammar.

Maya: At least, everything they do to us, especially Pearly, will be finally over. OVER!

Phoenix: Hmm, at least this session ends early as possible. (Or I mean, too early.)

Edgeworth: A toast for the admittance of fiction’s discontinuation!

Maya: Cheers, Mr. Edgeworth! (Edgeworth drinks the tea)

but it will be continued in MILES EDGEWORTH: ACE ATTORNEY!

Edgeworth: PFFFTTTTTTT!!!!..(cough)...(cough)

Phoenix/Maya: Miles Edgeworth: Ace Attorney??

Edgeworth: You read that right. So, I’m not going to imagine what would be in this story.

Franziska: Again, it’s impossible, especially everything that occurs. What can you expect from the PIC who would reinstate Mr. Miles Edgeworth in his prosecution career, who recently joined the terror group, the serial killer, the drug user, and above all, the child abuser?

Edgeworth: No need to spell it out but good point, good point. (At least, I’m not going to read another of this shark-jumping thematic fic.) -- (The light turns on, then the cinema screen fades out) Maya: Alright, since it’s over, now it’s time for our comment and we leave.

HOLD IT!

Management: Never rush because there is still more I can say regarding this.

Franziska: Then, why are we still here? That’s the full story. Zero, zip, zilch, nada anything to spork. The author even stated the discontinuation.

Management: …Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: !!!

Management: You know the contradiction that I have been showing to you.

Edgeworth: What contradiction you’re talking about?

Management: Come on, oh wait. Forget the contradiction. I mean this story ends, so thus the sporking session.

Phoenix: My psyche-locks. It’s…I know he’s lying

Come on, oh wait. Forget the contradiction. I mean this story ends, so thus the sporking session.

Phoenix: But what?

Management: Oh, you notice it. Alright, let’s have this one to be noticed in formality and simplicity. I am the one who was contradicted. But when exactly?

Phoenix: You were contradicted when…

A. Beginning

B. During

C. Ending

Phoenix: The ending, itself!

Management: !!!

Phoenix: Specifically the last fic statement. You even tell us that the next statement is the outro. This is not something that the Management would warn us about. That’s the only time you do.

Management: I do that because it is for your goodness.

Phoenix: Let’s connect to the beginning, shall we? You are vague about the stories, you never tell us if it’s multi-chaptered or stand-alone. I guess revealing the story's title but during the sporking is brilliant. So, the only time we have is reacting through it. Also, the buffet is so much in quantity. We don’t have time to eat everything else if this sporking session ends right now.

Edgeworth: Argh! You mean?

Phoenix: Yes, the Management is a liar. So, my conclusion here is that…

There is something else in this fanfiction that we yet to see.

Management: Interesting conclusion. But let me tell you, is there any confirmation for your conclusion? Maybe what I do is for the greater good.

Phoenix: So, basically you’re asking for proof?

Management: Right, but I’m tired of hearing “proof”, so yeah! And don’t make any attempt to research this fanfic. All internet and data connections are cut down to bits.

Phoenix: (Now, There is something in my mind for a bit.)

Phoenix: Wait. I think about it. Where is the...

Franziska: You mean anything with perfect spelling and grammar?

Phoenix: No, no, I mean the-

Franziska: A creative name rather than naming "the beginning" as the introduction to the narrative.

Phoenix: No, no, it's the-

Franziska: Zero, zip, zich, nada.

Phoenix: Argh!

Phoenix: Now the question is: Is there anything that I can prove that the fiction is multi-chaptered? Or can I prove it?

A. YES

B. NO

Phoenix: No…NO! There is no contradiction. You’re just mistaken. (Of course, if I said yes, the sporking session would-)

Management: Liar, you indeed denying it. You have doubts, aren’t you? You and I know what is a contradiction and there should be a proof for that. You’re not going away from this Theater if we never arrive at the absolute truth.

Phoenix: (Argh! He’s the Management. Of course, I have no control of the situation.)

Management: Your response, Mr. Wright?

Phoenix: (It seems I have no choice.)

A. YES

B. NO (DENIED)

Phoenix: Yes, I have proof.

Management: Ok, tell me. What’s your confirmation that this story is multi-chaptered, not a stand-alone?

Phoenix: Obviously, the sporking transcript with attached fiction. (Besides, I don’t have anything else other than my badge, a glass of water, and a chicken sandwich.)

Management: A transcript? You know, it’s synonymous with throwing me a Physics book and asking me to learn numbers but that would turn out vague, don’t you think? So, tell me specifically, what part of the transcript would you emphasize?

A. First part

B. Middle part

C. Last part

Phoenix: Obviously, the last part, the one when you are contradicted.

Management: Ok, we narrow from book to chapter. However, it’s not very specific. Tell me, what statement of the fiction would you want to focus on?

A. Third to the last

B. Second to the last

C. Last

Phoenix: Second to the last!

NOTE ANNOUNCEMENTTHE rasist ternabot series is DISCONTINUED!

Management: Alright, we narrow down from chapter to page. However, we are still nowhere from specificity.

Phoenix: I want you to focus…

A. NOTE ANNOUNCEMENT

B. THE rasist ternabot series is DISCONTINUED!

Phoenix: This statement!

Management: This one? But it only tells the discontinuance of a fiction, even Mr. Edgeworth emphasized this…with a toast.

Phoenix: That’s why I have to point out a word within this statement.

Management: Interesting! So, tell me what word you have to pinpoint yourself.

A. THE

B. rasist

C. ternabot

D. series

E. is

F. DISCONTINUED

Phoenix: The word I have to focus on is series.

Management: !!!

Phoenix: By its definition, it’s a set of writings written in the same format. Maybe, the writing can be considered a chapter while the set makes up into whole fanfiction. If the fiction we spork is a stand-alone story, he should only state it as “the rasist turnabout story”. So, what we’re reading the whole story is only Chapter 1.

Edgeworth: GAH! Is it true?

Phoenix: Not only that. I can say with certainty that a note announcement does not belong to the first chapter. It belongs to another chapter.

Management: GAH!

Phoenix: Is that right, Mr. Management?

Management: You’re really Phoenix Wright, after all. I take it.

Phoenix: So, you admit it?

Management: Fine, everything is true. The note announcement, the second-to-the-last and the last statement, belongs to Chapter 7…

Franziska: So, you mean to tell me that the fiction contains seven whole chapters?

Management: Not something that you think. The correct term here is that you have already read Chapter 1 and Chapter 7 or the beginning and the end. And also I intentionally omit the part of the story, especially the first ones. So, the true one would be like this:

cheptr 1 teh weed warz

chapetr wan: teh beginin

Franziska: PHOENIX WRIGHT!

Phoenix: (Oh no.)

Franziska: WHY YOU NEVER TELL ME IN THE VERY BEGINNING?

Phoenix: I tried to tell you but you...

(Franziska was about to whip Phoenix but-)

Management: Well, the true outro for Chapter 1 goes to…

2 be kontinued!1111!

All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

---

Phoenix: And just like that, our dignity comes to an end. I ran away from the theater... and wandered the streets alone. I never saw my friends again. I heard the comment about this fiction. It’s bad literally, it destroys me. The “miracle” indeed never happen. Maybe it was never meant to. Because a "miracle" is something that doesn't exist.

---

END OF CHAPTER 1

COMING SOON FOR CHAPTER 2

[sparky-is-spiders]

Enjoy this AA line, completely out of context!

[wingsporkhalo]

Athena Second Time: an Ace Attorney Badfic

Hey, all!! It’s been a while (again), but I have a brief audio spork to offer you!! I’d also like to start re-uploading all the sporks that were hosted on tindeck, since, y’know, you can’t listen to those anymore. RIP.

Anyway, this one is a Cykesquill fic, which means it pairs Athena Cykes and Simon Blackquill. There’s nothing overtly adult in it, but there are mentions of sex (though not between our two main characters). With those warnings out of the way, here is the recording!! Featuring my boyfriend John as Simon!

Wowie, a link!

Here is the fic as well, if you’d like to read along.

Please enjoy Simon shouting in himself, a foolish living room with a fill-in-the-blank description, Athena talking about her romantic history for seemingly no reason, and Simon calling Athena a precious bird.

[aceattorneygroupchat]

In Which Everyone Debates Pop-Tarts and the Steel Samurai, part 1

M.Edgeworth: oH BOY I CAN'T WAIT FOR MY MORNING POP TART

...

M.Edgeworth: ...Maya, if you use my computer again, the next time you want to see the unaired Steel Samurai pilot you'll have to scour online auctions and pay upwards of $200 for the box set yourself.

SpiritSamurai: Where am I supposed to get upwards of $200?

M.Edgeworth: You won't need to if you don't send messages from my computer.

Phoenix: That much for a kids' show DVD? Really?

Phoenix: Can't you just get something like that at any old store for more like $20?

M.Edgeworth: Not a *box set of all the seasons plus unfinished episodes, commentaries and deleted scenes.*

SpiritSamurai: And footage of the fight choreography runthroughs!

M.Edgeworth: Not to mention the concept art on the box itself.

M.Edgeworth: It's *extremely* valuable.

Phoenix: Mm. Sounds like a ripoff if you ask me.

M.Edgeworth: Well, I don't recall asking you.

[zebracakesarecopingmechanisms]

#snake hours - pictures/ videos of cute snakes

#me core - i relate to this on a spiritual level

#me gender - visual symbols of my gender

#gender chats - gender and trans topics

#begone sadness - things that cheer me up

#🤡.txt - an original text post

#tunes - playlists, songs, and music

#donation post - person asking for donations

#bartender lore - cocktail recipes

#jesus juice - criticizing Christianity and Catholicism

#kris’ character corner - my OCs

I do my best to add content warnings to all my posts, but if I miss one please let me know!

I’m not adding a dni bc if you’re an asshole you won’t follow it anyway, but it’s worth noting that I don’t like hazbin hotel/helluva boss or mcyt and I sometimes make fun of them here. If this bothers you, then this isn’t a blog you’ll enjoy.

I also have a shit ton of side blogs listed below:

Art blog is @zebracakesmakesart

IT Crowd blog is @trennemoss

Horror blog is @loveisstoredinthehorrorgenre

Genshin Impact blog is @genshinlesbian

Futurama blog is @nibblers-litterbox

Star Trek blog is @spork-trek

Transformers blog is @star-yell

NATM blog is @short-and-gay-like-me

Good Omens Blog is @that-flash-bastard

Clue/RHPS Blog is @itwasrocky-inthelab-withhisdick

Ace Attorney blog is @butchworth

Sonic blog is @himboknuckles

TMA blog is @the-vasts-little-bitch

Wizard of Oz blog is @pumpkin-twink-my-beloved

Animaniacs blog is @pinky-and-brain-law-firm

Stranger Things blog is @just-another-strangerthings-blog

DHMIS blog is @pleasehugmeimscared

Aesthetic blog is @me-and-my-jpegs

Wednesday blog is @every-day-is-wednesday

Flanagan blog is @haunting-of-lesbian-apartment

My Stanley Parable Blog is @thestanleypenisballs

My Muppets blog is @electric-theythem

My ASOUE blog is @lachrymoselesbian

My Angel Hare blog is @angel-hare-pasta

[rubiaryutheroyal]

I finally got around to setting up a Patreon

I would have gone into this post a lot earlier with all the energy I could bring, but after the Nintendo Direct, I haven't been able to stop wheezing at the new Mario Bros movie cast. I'm DEPLETED.

Anyway, since someone brought it to my attention in an old tumblr ask, I've been stewing for the past several months over how to set up a Patreon page, how much I should even ask for, and what I should deliver. For the longest time, I was actually against it because I always saw my translation work as a volunteer job and I didn't need the money. But eventually my family situation changed and I've been under lots of pressure to find a job over the past year, to little result.

So I finally caved and did something. Here ya go:

https://www.patreon.com/rubia_ryu

With this set up, I'm finally taking this blog work seriously and will stop running into hiatuses if I can help it. (This goes for my big project on the main blog too, but that's a separate schedule.) I think I've kept the subscription costs reasonably low. I'm not trying to stop global warming here or anything, ha. I ultimately decided to feature two main things:

1. Any major or bulk translation requests, like for at least 5 whole pages of text or more than 15 minutes of video, basically stuff that could take me anywhere from half an hour to several hours to comb through for details, I will redirect you to this page. Depending on your bargaining skills, however, I may let you off and work it for free or whatever you feel comfortable paying. Just DM me.

2. I'm reviving the Sporking Theater, at least my take on it! I'll add in a separate FF7 expansion pack too for the lulz; maybe for other franchises too, but they're still pending. Send me your fic requests. It can be any age rating. I marked my page as "includes adult content" just in case.

If you don't know what that is, Court-Records Forums was a hubbub back in the day for all Ace Attorney news and chat, and one of the best threads on that site was the Sporking Theater, where friends and I would roleplay as various characters (the sporkers) and poke fun at awful fanfiction, all with the authors' permission. Think Mystery Science Theater 3000 (if you're old enough to know that) or Cinema Sins on Youtube. Rest assured I will always make sure the author has given consent. I will screenshot and frame it if I have to.

Also, to be clear, any quick translation requests like asking me about something or if you need clarifying on something you found, you can just ask me as usual. No donations necessary.

-

Reblog this post or I'll be a sad pupper. This has been Rubia Ryu the Royal Pomeranian.

[ace-procrastinator]

Seems legit 

[transguyedgeworth]

my headcannon is that gunshoe can jump 10 feet in the air he does this every day and no one notices. but that's just my opinion :>

also i think all the ace attorney characters should be utensils. phoenix spork, pearl knife, etc.

you know what. he’s a big guy. he’s probably got decently strong legs. i will accept this headcanon. obviously he does it every day because he has to practice, otherwise he’ll lose his skill, and nobody notices because like. he’s always kinda just There but he’s not usually the center of the action so he can get away with it.

and hell yeah utensil au!! miles spoonworth (my beloved) is there too and he and phoenix spork kiss a lot with their weird little utensil mouths. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[colourful-void]

alright closing up ace attorney for tonight! got luminol from ema and found some blood near the car and in edgeworths office. heres some thoughts on current progress!

- Ema you are terribly unhelpful in cases so far, but you are adorable so it is okay

- eMA WRITES HER NAME ON HER LUMINOL SPRAY BOTTLE LIKE A 3RD GRADER WITH THEIR LUNCH BOX

- edgeworth rlly cannot catch a break can he?? should he have listened to the officer? uh yeah. does he deserve the treat ment he’s getting rn? no!

- i hate the chief of police so f-cking much

- i NEED to know why on earth edgeworth has a jACKET in a frame!! come one man that’s crazy what is up with that!!!!

- i rlly think this chapter is trying to prove that both defense and prosecution are importent parts of the trial but i might be reading too much into this

- someone please explain to the witnesses that they cant lie on the stand

- the spork is a wonderful invention

- pheonix u doin alright there buddy? you seem kinda depressed,,

- mia u cant keep popping in like this ur gonna give pheonix a heart attack

- if anything all this has done so far is make my need to see the character interact in day to day intensify. come on,,, someone teach pheonix chess,,,,,,  edgeworth and pheonix work so freaking well with each other just let them be on the same side of something (and really on the same side not like the chap 3 trial) it’ll be so cool come onnnn

- i don’t reallllllly care about Lana that much (her design is cute tho) but i am incredibly intrigued as to how the same person got murdered twice.

thats all for now!

[marithlizard]

Ace Attorney: Rise From the Ashes (Day Two, Trial Former) (part two)

I feel like screenshots would add zing and be helpful, but it’d be a pain to do my own for technical reasons.  Does anyone know of a good image gallery for RftA?  Google didn’t turn up much.   

Anyway.  Day Two, and it’s time for the trial of the already-confessed suspect.

"How did the investigation go yesterday?"  Lana, you could tell us something yourself. Even if you're lying through your teeth it'd give us something to work with.

Ooh, barbed little exchange between Lana and Phoenix.  "Never believe your client, they're probably a lying scumbag."  "See, being a defense attorney requires some basic faith in humanity. Unlike Mia, you don't appear to qualify."

Huh.  We’re given an upfront ambiguous warning from Edgeworth, right in front of the court.  Yes, yes we know personal feelings are icky and you don't want them near your tailored waistcoats, but why do you feel the need to disallow them right now? Phoenix has no personal emotional stake in this case.  Unless...Edgeworth thinks the proceedings are going to rebound on him.

Ema, this is not the time for sexy cross-examination fantasies.  You can go home and write fic after your sister is safe.

The dominatrix lunch lady is a "professional" witness?   Edgeworth I hope you didn't mean that the way it sounds.  

Edgeworth is unmoved by your rice.  Take that, lunch lady.   (If only the judge had as much dignity.)  

OH  I misread that completely.  She's a former detective!  (And Jake Marshall is a demoted detective. Connection?)  And while Edgeworth accords her due respect by calling her work first-rate, she's openly hostile to him.

And she arrested Lana herself?  If this crime was as staged and performative as I suspect, was that all part of the act?   Yeah, I don't think you were alerted by a sense of destiny or your finely honed instincts, lady.   Or that you were there to bring lunch to your boyfriend.

Would the stabbing have been as easy as Angel Starr describes it?  Didn't Goodman put up a fight at all?  Sadly our autopsy report has all of two sentences in it.

Ooh,  she just opens fire on Edgeworth with both barrels. And she offers a motive, the first one we've heard so far,  that Goodman was killed for knowing too much about corruption of evidence.  

My goodness. Evidence is sacrosanct, but sexually propositioning the judge while giving testimony is fine? Got it.  (Phoenix at least tries to call out her obvious bias.) 

Here’s a photograph, which the lunchlady so very thoughtfully took.  Lana with a bloodstained trenchcoat draped over her, wearing gloves, seemingly about to close the trunk of the car.  This was clearly taken after the stabbing.   But...if you witnessed the crime itself,  and arrested the suspect on the spot, would you really have had time to take this picture?  You'd be busy trying to reach Lana, surely.    (Smartphones were not a thing yet, were they?  Did Angel just happen to be carrying a camera? ....She did.  A lunchbox camera.  Perhaps for spying on prosecutors.)

Edgeworth why do you even own a knife like that?  And how did Lana supposedly get ahold of it?

Yes, thank you, that cannot possibly be a photograph of the moment of the crime,  given the lack of either victim or weapon in it.  

"Are you trying to test me? I sell box lunches for a living, you know."  The translation team was having SO much fun with these.

Aha, so the knife was in the trunk.   Unless Lana knew it was there, she didn't have a weapon prepared, which seems off for a premeditated murder.

...actually why aren't we hearing Lana's own confession account on the stand instead of the lunchlady's?   I know, I know, it works better for the game to force us to reconstruct it all from clues, but what's the in-story reason?

"Mommy, are prosecutors bad people?"  Yeah, this whole thing is definitely at least partly staged to smear Edgeworth's reputation.  (also why are small children in the audience for a murder trial)

It doesn't seem to have affected his spirits, though, since he can make lunchbox jokes.  And oooh, he's firing back at Angel.  He doesn't care if it's premeditated or not, but she does.  (Why does she care so much? it's the death penalty either way in this system, isn't  it?)

Wait why is she testifying about Lana calling Goodman out to the  Prosecutor's Office?  She has no personal knowledge of that at all.  (Indeed, it turns out there is no evidence it even happened.)  Annnd here we go, she's perjuring herself.    Purple prose about "plunging the knife in again and again" that directly contradicts the autopsy report.    She hates Lana so much it's really clouding her judgment.    

Edgeworth is holding Angel strictly to account on her  testimony even though it favors his case.   And he's getting distinctly sardonic about her lies.  It's nice to see that the truth does matter to him.

Ooh,  he points out the contradiction with the autopsy report himself, stealing Phoenix's thunder!   That would never have happened in previous AA games.  He's really changed, or perhaps he feels so under threat that there's no point holding back.

She...thought she saw repeated stabbing because Lana had a red scarf on?  That doesn't make a particle of sense. And wait, in the photograph Lana wasn't wearing the scarf at all.    Why are we listening to a thing this woman says?

For the second time in a row,  Edgeworth interrupts and takes over Phoenix's objection for himself.   He's demolishing her quite satisfyingly.  Perhaps it's not a desire for the truth so much as finally getting to strike back, after having people speak ill of him for years.

"After the murder, the suspect attempted to run behind the partition".  Yeees,  that absolutely fits with your picture of a cold-blooded (yet enraged) stabber committing premeditated murder in a public place with evidence all over.

You climbed a nine-foot chain link fence, in your negligee, fur coat and heels (you are definitely wearing heels), so fast that you were able to apprehend the fleeing suspect after stopping to take a picture first.  Riiight.

Lana said "muffler"...like the car muffler?   On the phone? That means Ema has lied twice now - first she hid the fact that her sister called her right after the murder, then she claimed her sister hung up without saying anything.

Ah! So Lana wasn't attempting to hide at all, she was attempting to make a phone call.  Like you do when  you've discovered a body.  

Hah!  Phoenix points out that Angel just claimed to be able to look straight through the concrete partition.  I didn't actually pick that up.    And he's no longer taking anything she says at face value - he believes her statement that she saw Lana try to use the wall phone only because it's a pointless detail that no one would bother to lie about.  

...So he's willing to believe she saw what she says, but from a different location? I have to agree with Edgeworth, that also sounds pointless.  Why claim to be standing somewhere else?  "Where" isn't hard - she must've been in the pointedly-mentioned and clearly labeled security room,  looking down from above.  Why not say so?

And the judge FINALLY chastises her for lying, if only mildly.   She freely admits she'll say anything to take down Lana.  And it sounds like she has a reason, beyond personal hatred.  (A justified reason?)  

Good for Ema, she points out there's no obvious benefit to the location lie.  And Phoenix is the first to say the p-word.  What benefit would be worth that?  

"I swear it on my finest plastic spork!" A bible would surely be redundant.

Yes, five minutes between murder and arrest is  a TON of time.  Lana could easily have  escaped if she'd wanted to.  Angel surely made enough noise to alert her, running around and even taking her picture.   And Lana just apparently stood there? Why?

YES boot her off the stand, judge!  Don't let the caviar lunch sway you!

Court is adjourned, but there are still so many questions.  We still don't know what-  huh? Angel isn't ready to stop talking yet?

"I... might be able to save you."    Now isn't THAT an interesting statement.  It sounds like she's offering to save Edgeworth himself somehow, not just his case.  Even though she hates his guts.

The judge very politely tells her to feed her new claim of "decisive evidence" to someone else.  I approve,  though of course she'll end up having her say anyway.

NOW you bring up a bloody shoe? Which was, I'm going to bet, not in the police investigation report?  Why do you have Lana's shoe, and what does blood on it prove that the blood  on her coat and gloves doesn't?  

I was right, Edgeworth did not know about the shoe.   And he brings up "evidence law", that new evidence can't be introduced without the approval of the police department. Which is weird, because I certainly remember Phoenix producing all kinds of new evidence during former trials.  Not infrequently hidden or stolen from the police.  (Does that mean the victim's ID card which Phoenix pocketed is inadmissible? I bet it does not mean that. Edgeworth just doesn't want to accept evidence from this annoying person who hates him.)

Too bad for him, because she got it approved by the police department on her own...today?  I know Edgeworth is the opposition here, but that does not seem fair to him.  People who are not Phoenix need time to prepare their cases.  (Mostly because, unlike Phoenix, they actually have cases.)

Huh.  I don't know if this will be called out as a plot point, but a fundamental difference in approach just struck me here.   Edgeworth claims there could have been some bloody footprints that just didn't happen to be in the picture. He doesn't know, because unlike Phoenix he doesn't go to crime scenes. He relies on the police reports given to him.   That seems like it could come back to bite him in a much bigger way than just  this shoe.

Lana kicked over a water-filled oil drum while struggling with Angel.  ...Apparently no one but me finds this highly implausible.  Oil drums are heavy!  Even when empty,  kicking one over is a stunt for a martial artist, and when full...I can't picture it.

"Ah, yes, I will perform this feat of strength to wash away the bloody footprints, removing all the evidence against me. Except for my bloody coat, gloves and shoes, the murder weapon, the body, the eyewitness, and  the photo."   Edgeworth why does this seem logical to you? I an almost see Lana rolling her eyes in the prisoner's dock.

Hah. At the moment of failure,  Ema  stumbles on the one sure way to get Angel Starr pissed off enough to derail the trial again - accuse her of being on the side of a prosecutor in any way, shape or form.   She obviously *is*,  in that she and Edgeworth want the same verdict, but she can't stand to hear it said out loud.  

NOW of all times, she produces a photo of the body??  ...I guess proof that she withheld even more evidence from Edgeworth, against both their interests,  is supposed to be proof that she isn't on his side?  

The ghost of Mia appears in Phoenix's  mind, telling him not to give up.  And indeed, that photo shows something sticking out of the car's  muffler.   I was right, Lana meant that when she said "muffler" on the  phone.  

The trial has to be suspended while someone goes and looks to see what the thing in Edgeworth's car muffler is.  (Which really should've been noticed by any competent police investigators.  As should the fact that the suspect's shoe was missing on her arrest, and nowhere to be found.  Is the cowboy not actually very good at this?)

Next time: trial part 2, in which the judge is hopefully so stuffed as to no longer be susceptible to lunchbox bribery.

[hotel-japanifornia]

I do love the idea of Phoenix and Maya riffing bad movies, likely Mystery Science Theater 3000 style. while eating popcorn and drinking soda.

Oh totally. Have you ever heard of Ye Olde Sporking Theatre on Ye Olde Ace Attorney fansite, court-records.net? It was a place where AA characters riffed shitty AA fanfiction. I miss that place.

[wingsonghalo]

Hey, I know you like sporking and ace attorney. (Also you write SUPER WELL LIKE OMG) I think you would like the Court Records Phoenix Wright Sporking Theater!! Even if you don't join, the sporkings there are a fun read. (also we're dying and need more people, you would be perfect to join us) - PhosphorousLaw, Fellow Sporker

!!!! WHERE CAN I FIND THIS MAGICAL THI–y’know what, I’ll google it.Aaaaah it’s on the forums!! I’m so glad court-records is still active, but I’m not sure I can keep up with a forum anymore hlkfalkf You guys should start a Discord?? Anyway, this looks like such a fun time!! I will for sure read some of these; you are indeed correct that I love both Ace Attorney and sporking!! Thank you so much for the suggestion; I’m so happy my sporking’s getting a little attention too, haha! (I actually have a spork for an AA fic called Nurse Kay that I need to put up…)Also THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE COMPLIMENT ALKFJSLKJ

[apocalypse-tights]

Yooooo I just wanted to drop you a line to say thank you so much for reading my Worst Avatar Fanfictions of All Time posts??? I love those posts so much and sometimes I wish more people knew about them and seeing that list of likes just absolutely made me light up inside!! You are awesome; thank you so much

Oh, you’re totally welcome!! I’m really enjoying them. I started with your Ace Attorney fanfic sporkings and then I ran out of stories without spoilers from games I haven’t played yet, and I checked out that one! I was surprised it didn’t have more notes, honestly. You’re probably going to continue getting a string of likes from me because I plan to check out basically all of what you’ve read, at least the stuff I’m familiar with the fandoms for ^^’

Anyway, I’m glad I made you happy!! Have an awesome day!!

[ladyloveandjustice]

rules: answer 30 questions and then tag 20 blogs you would like to know better.

tagged by @azuresquirrel

1. nickname: Nev on here. People will occasionally call me “Cait” or “Caitie” in real life but it’s against my will. My dad has too many nicknames for me to list

2. gender: woman

3. star sign: leo

4. height: 5′6

5. time: 11:37 PM

6. birthday: August 12

7. favourite band(s): ummmm...Florence + The Machine, I think

8. favourite solo artist(s): Vienna Teng, Janelle Monae

9. song stuck in my head: The Pokemon Theme song

10. last movie I watched: what wassss it actually, I thnk it was Akira. Yep, finally managed to watch that. 

11. last show I watched: Haven’t been watching much of anything in the last few days so i’m trying to remem- Natsume’s Book of Friends

12. when did I create my blog: I have no idea since I deleted an early chunk of it during an anxiety attack, but sometime in 2010...okay, looking at the wayback machine, I wager it was July 2010, bc the wayback machine goes to october, and on the page there I posted my tumblr crushes “from June to October” and then it notes the date of post beginning being July 1? so yeah probs July 2010

13. what do I post: reblogs of fandoms I’m in (mainly anime) and liveblogging shows I like, with general meta, fic, sj stuff and stuff about my life and writing occasionally sprinkled in. Sailor Moon’s really been the only fandom constantly prominent since the beginning, my focus tends to change depending on where I am in life. Right now however, I think my blog is mainly Ace Attorney, Sailor Moon and Natsume’s Book of Friends (with FMA popping in occasionally)

14. last thing I googled: “wayback machine” for the when did I create my blog section of this post. For a less cheating answer,  it was “make images 300 dpi” and “is openclipart free to use in books” both for the purposes of publishing my grandfather’s poetry book, as I’ve been working on that nonstop.

15. do you have other blogs: yeah, mostly defunct. There are three fma roleplay blogs (I was only roleplaying with myself). mecha-otaku (if Winry had a tumblr), catsofamestris (Al blogs about cats, based off an omake,the most popular one and still updated occasionally), pain-alchemist (Ed’s self-insert fic, also based off an omake). 

Then I have “nevssporking” where I reposted a very old sporking I did of the HP fanfic “Dumbledores’ Army and the Year of Darkness” when I was 18- the journalfen that originally posted it had gone down, and since I worked hard on it back in the day, I wanted it to be available. 

Then there’s “magicalgirltwirl” which is just where I reposted a Princess Tutu amv that got taken down in youtube- didn’t want to risk my main blog being shut down if copyright infringement police came.

Finally, there’s the most ancient of them all- socialjusticeanimemacros. Yeah, I was very young.

16. do you get asks: yes and I am terrible at answering them.

17. why did you choose your url: my blog had moved on from being focused on superhero comics for many a year, so I decided to choose a name that reflected who I currently was and likely always would. It’s a Sailor Moon reference obvs and i like how it can be read two ways. I am a lady all about love and justice. But then it can also be read as being about my love for women and wlw- ladylove and justice.

18: following: 91. I try to keep it below 100, as I can’t even read all of my dash as it is.

19. followers:  8,118

20. favourite colour: dark green

21. average hours of sleep: 6-8

22. lucky number: 8. It’s always seemed like such a solid and dependable number.

23. instruments: None. I played piano for like a year when I was kid.

24. what am I wearing: tacky Marvel Comics dress

25. how many blankets do I sleep with: depends on the time of year- 1 right now.

26. dream job:  Being able to comfortably support myself as a novelist.

27. dream trip: France or England probably

28. favourite food: pizza, soft pretzels, cheesy biscuits, all sweets

30. favourite song now:  Been jammin’ to “Wow and Flutter” by April Smith and the Great Picture Show lately, I’ll go with that- also “Fighting Furies” by  Charmaine

not tagging 20 blogs but i will doooo

@diloolie, @captain-jaybird @ihopealiensbelieveinme @lilbit4point0 @glompcat @elle-lavender THAT’S ENOUGH obvs don’t answer if you don’t want