#maybe there's no perfect body solution for me. maybe there is and I'll find it

[werewolfbneimitzvah]

I get so tired of people saying that underage people are too young to transition in terms of taking hormones or that even the younger adult years might be too young. Turns out your body naturally does irreversible things to itself if left alone even though you're supposedly too young to know what your gender is. But apparently it's evil or abusive or irresponsible to replace those irreversible effects with different irreversible effects. Or even just make them happen slightly later so kids have more time to really think about which irreversible effects they want. No, the only moral choice is to force one kind of irreversible effect on kids and not allow there to be any choice at all ever. Making that potentially wrong choice for them is somehow the only good option. Farquaad-ass "some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice i am willing to make."

[hauntedwitch04]

Little one

Sam Winchester x reader

Words: about 3.9k words

Warnings: smut, smut, I forgot to say smut, DESTIEL BECAUSE I LOVE THEM, dirty talk

Author’s note: Hi loves! I finally managed to write some more after the crazy week I had. Hope you like it, your witch Becky

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KINKTOBER ...........-..........KINKTOBER TAGLIST 2023

DAY 5: Size kink

"Hey little one do you need a hand?" You hear Sam ask, hearing in his tone of voice that silly little sly smile you hate so much. You huff as still with your back turned you don't even turn to look at him, knowing you couldn't help but melt under the gaze of his green eyes. You feel him coming up behind you, his chest brushing against your back as you see his hand reach for the book you've been reaching for for more than ten minutes. His presence behind you almost makes your knees give way.

The two of you have been playing this game for weeks now, provoking the other but at the same time neither of you seems to have the courage to take matters into their own hands and drag the other into your bedroom. A few days ago Sam realized how sensitive you are to the size difference between the two of you. You have never considered yourself short, you have always been average, but next to him you look little more than a smurf. He is literally a giant, and that doesn't mean he is merely tall, but because of the life you lead he has developed a lot of muscles in his arms and chest, as well as perfect abs, and that makes him imposing, and fuck if that isn't attractive. You get lost in thinking what it must be like to be under him, enclosed between his warm body and his bed, but almost immediately you are interrupted by a cough behind you. You turn and see him with a raised eyebrow looking at you amused. Now the two of you are face to face, or rather you have your face at his chest level, and in fact you have to look up to stare into his eyes.

The man in front of you seems to be quite amused by this, in fact he leans forward a little, thinking you would move for that movement, and instead you stand still, not showing weakness.

"Careful little one your neck will hurt if you keep holding it like that. Maybe we should buy a stepladder at least you'd be able to look me in the eye without any trouble." Says Sam, a breath away from your lips.

"You giant asshole, I swear I'll cut your balls off if-" You start to threaten him, but you are interrupted by a new voice. Castiel has just entered the room and is looking at you with a questioning expression before shouting.

"Dean they are doing it again." He says to the other hunter who immediately responds to the angel, threatening you as well.

"Home run before you see things you don't want to see. And you two stop circling around the fact that you want to fuck. There's too much sexual tension in the air and no one can take it anymore. You better find a solution or I swear I'll have the next witch I meet charm you." Says the brother of the man in front of you, from the kitchen, making both you and Sammy blush.

"Fuck you Dean." Sam manages to say, not looking you in the eye. Immediately you turn away from each other, going in different directions.

You arrive in your room, close the door, and lean against it as you take a breath of relief.

You can't deny that there is not that sexual tension between the two of you that Dean accuses you of, but at the same time you don't have the courage to take that extra step for fear of being rejected because treacherously you think Sam intends all that as a kind of game between the two of you, but nothing more. You stay for a moment thinking again about the feeling of his body so big and muscular against yours. You felt so small and helpless, and yet you were not afraid, in fact all your brain could process were rather spicy situations with the youngest of the Winchesters. Then suddenly you violently detach yourself from the door, as your mind was again training itself in those overly specific thoughts of what it would be like to be fucked by Sam, placed on all fours on his bed, while he on top of you, with his chest pressed against your back, holding the bed keyboard with one strong hand to make stronger, firmer thrusts. You get lost in thinking about what it must feel like to have his kisses on your bare back with the light beard he has, what one of his strong hands gripping one of your hips must feel like, or his cock pushing in. You decide it's time for a cold shower at the very moment you're left thinking about whether the size of his member is directly proportional to everything else, hoping that at least that might bring you back to your senses a little.

You've never been much of a person who likes to go to parties, but you certainly can't say no to a nice evening with your favorite people spent drinking and singing your favorite songs. By now it is very late and both Dean and Cas have gone to bed, no matter how much the last one doesn't sleep, but by now since they had declared themselves to each other they had created a routine, thanks to which the oldest of the Winchesters is finally able to sleep without nightmares. You are happy forni your friends, they both deserve the small portion of happiness that fate has reserved for them, and on the contrary you wish they had fi more. Since they've gone to bed, though, you and Sam are left alone, with more than ample amount of alcohol in your system, which is a bit dangerous considering the thoughts some days that led you to take a shower so cold that even penguins would beat their beaks for cold.

You and young Winchester spent those days avoiding each other, and when you couldn't, all you could do was avoid each other's gaze and not blush.

You remain silent again, enjoying that peace to which you are not very accustomed. You are sitting side by side, and you can't help but slowly move closer to his body, attracted by the warmth it produces.

It seems like hours go by, and maybe it's only a few minutes, but eventually he interrupts that state of stillness.

"Can I ask you a question?" Sammy asks, turning toward you, and you can't help but be a little annoyed by his question, but you nod as you down some more alcohol. He seems to consider what words to use.

"Have you ever thought of anything more than this between us?" The man asks, looking you in the eye. You pause with your glass in midair, petrified by that question. For a moment it crosses your mind that he has figured out how you feel about him, but then you look at him and see him waiting for your answer and realize that he is really only asking you out of pure curiosity.

"Why did you think of that?" You ask in turn defensively. You see him hesitate for a moment as you did a few seconds earlier, but eventually he flashes you a smile, regaining all the resourcefulness he has shown in this last period.

"Oh little one, I'm afraid I'd scare you if I told you all the things I've been thinking about doing with you." He says in a rough, sensual voice, and you immediately feel a shiver go down your spine. You feel him move closer to you, while you remain still, afraid that if you moved even a finger, this whole situation would vanish like a soap bubble. You think more than once that all this is a dream produced by the alcohol in your system, then you feel his lips on your neck and realize that it is all true.

"Well you could show me a couple of things you've imagined doing with me, and I'll tell you if they're the same things I've thought of." I say in a whisper, as he continues to nibble on my neck, leaving sweet kisses at times.

"You're going to fucking kill me sooner or later." Sam comments before standing up, and with a smooth, quick movement, hoisting me onto his shoulder. I let out a soft yelp, before starting to bombard him with threats and questions.

"Sam Winchester, let me go now! Where are you taking me?" I ask, trying not to give away that just that simple gesture that showcased his strength and how much bigger he was physically than you was turning you on.

"In the room, unless you want to be fucked here where anyone could walk in at any moment. I didn't take you for that kind of person, but we could always try it another time." He says chuckling, while you in response punch him lightly in the back. "Besides, from here I have a first-class view of your ass." He continues nonchalantly, and you can't help but blush.

"Sam!" You take him back, but he immediately doesn't give you time to continue.

"Little one, don't be an angel, because we both know how many times you've thought about doing dirty things with me, and you can't even lie because it was all over your face." Notices Sam, scolding you as one scolds a child who has eaten too much candy.

"Like you had a marble mask on, and you couldn't see all the times you looked at my boobs." You comment, as you try to figure out by now where you are, but the corridors of the bunker are all dark and you can't quite get your bearings.

"It's not my fault you have particularly nice tits." He replies, as if it were a given, and you can't help but laugh at the situation. Your laughter is interrupted, however, when Sam throws you onto what you recognize to be his bed.

The playful air that had been created disappears in an instant and gives way to a new tension, steeped in passion and mischief. The youngest Winchester slides all the way down your body until his plump lips are inches from yours. The feel of his body, so large compared to yours, is even better than you had imagined. He spends a few seconds teasing you, kissing all over your face and the area near your mouth, but he doesn't touch your lips a single time, until you slip your hands into his hair and force him to do so. He smiles against your lips, and when you pull away to get some air, he teases you.

"Someone is a little impatient, what can't you wait to feel my cock inside you anymore?" He asks rhetorically, while his hands begin working to remove the several layers of clothes you are wearing.

"All promises Winchester, it's time to keep them." You say, trying to answer him again in kind as pleasure begins to work its way through you.

"You'll regret this shamelessness little one, another time, not today, but next time I won't be as good to you as I will be this time."

Quickly he removes the few clothes you have on while you do the same to him, a little groggy from pleasure and a little from alcohol.

He kisses your neck, leaving red, biting marks as he slowly moves down to your breasts, to remove the bra you still have on. He takes one of your nipples in his teeth, while the other teases it with his hand.

Once he is done torturing your breasts, he goes down to your navel with his kisses and then gently bites your panties. A shiver runs through you again as you feel his lips graze the skin of your legs, while he stares into your eyes and pulls them off with such slowness that you feel faint before long at how hard your heart is beating.

"You better get moving Winchester." You try to threaten him, once he completely peels off the penultimate layer of clothing that stood between you and him, since he still has his boxers on.

"Or what small thing? I don't think you're in a position to threaten me." He comments amused, before returning to your center, and leaving sweet kisses all around in your inner thigh. You can't help but sigh as you slip a hand into his soft, long hair, trying to take him where you most desire.

"Fuck you." That's all you can say in response, and he can't help but laugh. Eventually Sam lets you guide him where you want him, and finally his lips meet those of your pussy. You can't help but let out a moan mixed with a scream as the man squeezes your clit between his teeth as he had done with your nipples earlier. With his tongue he continues to lick you, slowly increasing the pleasure.

Suasult when you also feel his fingers join in the torture, as he rhythmically works them into you. His fingers are long and big, enough to reach all the right places, and make you wriggle between the covers of the now unmade bed, making you clutch the sheet so tight you thought it would tear.

Eventually, faster than it had ever happened to you, you feel the orgasm coming, with the impetuosity of a wave ready to sweep whatever it meets in its path.

"Sam- fuck- please don't stop." You beg him, as you continue to move your hips under his mouth to create more friction.

"Oh my little one is cumming?" He asks, pulling away from you slightly.

"Sam, please." You beg him again as you run a hand through his hair again, and he can't help but moan as you do so.

He doesn't respond to you, but his actions speak for themselves as he again begins to lick your center as he speeds his fingers entering your pussy. A few minutes pass and you finally reach orgasm, and for a second you think you lose contact with the whole world. All you hear in your ears is blood pulsing, your eyes narrowed as your lips hold back a scream, while your hands continue to cling tightly to Sam's hair. Once you regain your breath and some clarity you stop and look at Sammy who is now looking at you seriously. Around your mouth you can still see the remnants of the otherworldly experience you just had.

"Are you okay?" He asks you as he licks his lips.

"Never felt better." You answer, as you signal for him to come up. He complies and comes with his face at the same height as yours. You kiss him softly, and he can't help but do the same. It is very different from the kiss you shared earlier, passionate and impetuous, but no less sensual and beautiful. Then suddenly you take him by surprise and reverse the situation by finding yourself on top of him.

"Now it's my turn to torture you a little." You whisper in his ear before moving down to his boxers. You slip them off him the same way he took off your underwear, which is with your teeth, and you hear him cursing as you brush against his now very obvious erection. Then unable to hold back you take his member with your hands, and like everything in your body it seems to be huge compared to you, but in this case you don't really know if it is your point of view or is objective. You tease his entire length with your tongue, before starting to suck lightly at the tip, while moving your hand along everything else you don't touch. Immediately his hand, almost as big as your head, gets stuck in your hair and begins to send you further and further down, at the pace he likes best. That's how Sam begins to fuck your mouth, at first slower, going steadily increasing, so that the last thrusts you feel his cock coming down your throat, and you can't help but get aroused when you feel the air miss you. He continues this game for a few minutes, until with a series of moans where he screams your name he doesn't cum in your mouth, and you swallow everything he gives you.

"That's my girl." Sammy comments as he catches his breath, but you see a spark in his eyes that tells you you're not even close to the end.

"So far we've been playing, now comes the main course." He continues, as again he reverses the situation, bringing you under him. You feel one of your thighs open, and with his knee he stimulates your pussy. Immediately you let out a scream that he silences with his lips. You begin to kiss more and more passionately as you feel him driving his cock in front of your entrance. The moment he is about to push in for the first time, you stop him by asking him a question?

"Are you sure it fits?" You ask slightly frightened by his size, and excited at the same time. He looks at you and chuckles a little, throwing his head into the crook of your neck.

"It's just that I've never had anyone so ...great, it's no laughing matter Winchester!" You continue, chuckling in turn. He kisses you gently on the nose before answering you.

"I promise in case it does you, you'll just have to tell me and we'll stop right away, okay?" He asks seriously, watching you as he moves a strand of hair away from your face. "Besides, I think the orgasm has prepared you well honey." He finishes by winking at you. He kisses you again but this one more gently, trying to distract you. You feel him enter you, and for a moment you think you have died and are in your own little piece of heaven.

"Are you okay little one?" Sam asks seeing your closed eyes and clenched fists holding the pillow.

"Oh God, Winchester you better move your ass and fuck me before I come at this exact moment." You whisper, as you release one hand to bring him to you and kiss him. You feel him begin to thrust in and out of you, picking up a rather fast pace as he stimulates one of your breasts with one hand and his lips are busy making more marks on your neck, lest he cry out your name in pleasure. You are not much better off, so much so that at one point you feel an iron taste of blood in your mouth from how much you bit your lips to keep Cas and Dean from hearing you. You keep moving in unison, seeking pure pleasure.

"God baby, you are so perfect. You don't know how much I've dreamed of having you under me, screaming my name, rocking your world." Sam comments, before kissing one of your breasts. "I love your body, so small compared to mine, so much that I'm afraid I'll break you every time I touch you, but at the same time so sinful that I can't stop myself from doing the worst sins they ever came up with even in hell."

You fail to respond too caught up in everything the boy is making you feel. You feel like it's the first time in years you've breathed again, the first time you've really tasted oxygen.

"Sam, please, I'm going to-" You are interrupted by a kiss from him.

"Me too baby." He replies after pulling away from your lips. "Your pussy is squeezing my cock so hard, I think I'm about to go crazy." He comments, and it seems that his words are the keys to reach again that already before, only with his fingers had you tasted, but that was but a paltry appetizer, this was of the magnitude of a wedding feast. Your whole body quivers with force, as your center, in pleasure, tightens even tighter around his size, making you feel the size of his member even more.

Just as Sam's words were for you, for him it seems that your orgasm triggers his, in fact when you finally seem to have regained some mental clarity, after spending several minutes with your mind clouded, drowsy with pleasure, you feel your womb being filled with his seed, and you have another orgasm, smaller than before, but still quite important.

It is some time before both of you have caught your breath, in each other's arms. You remain in silence enjoying the warmth of the naked body of the person you love by your side. Then without saying a word Sam moves to your side and encircles you with his arms, having spread a blanket over your uncovered bodies. You fall asleep within minutes, with a smile on your lips, both of you happy to be close to the one you love, and especially happy to know that the one you love loves you back.

BONUS (I can't help it, I love bonuses too much :) )

Dean sits at the kitchen table as Cas hands him a steaming cup of coffee. He thanks him with a whisper before sipping his drink in silence. The only noise in the room is that of the liquid slipping over his lips as the two lovers stare into the void, lost in their own thoughts. Eventually it is the angel who breaks the silence.

"We need to soundproof the rooms better." He comments, and Dean can make no more than a sound of approval. They had not slept a wink because of your shouting, and as happy as they were to know that now the tension between the two of you had been cleared up, they also did not want to hear how their nephew was created, since his brother and you had not made much effort to be quiet. And this was not the first time. Since you had come out to each other now almost a month ago, every night you had done nothing but shout each other's names in pleasure, so much so that often both Dean and Cas had decided to go for a drive, but they couldn't take it anymore.

"You're damn right." Dean says before taking another sip of coffee. "You know I almost preferred it when they hadn't come out, now I'm afraid to turn the corner and watch them procreate on the library table." Dean comments amused, finishing his drink as he sees his boyfriend shoot him a look and a smile.

"As if we never did." Cas says, laughing.

"But they don't know that." Dean replies, giving him a wink, then getting up and leaving a gentle kiss on his forehead and heading out of the room, obviously checking to make sure you are not in it.

TAGLIST

@laurennnomg @deanwinchestersgirl87 @samanddeansannoyingsis @ash04w3 @l3viathanpup @mysteriouslydeafeningwerewolf @wafflezo @the-house-of-rose-and-ember @shodowbane09 @acidicpickle @supernatural-lvr

[pearlywritings]

"Bring your kid to work" day

synopsis: but sometimes it's very much unplanned.

pairing and characters: Zhongli x fem!reader, Xiao. Your family name is Rex-Lapis. Childe plays part in it too.

tw: modern AU, University AU, established relationship, fluff

word count: 2.8k+ words

a/n: Also a part of my University modern AU with history professor Zhongli

The day started perfectly. Your older daughter was already at school with your permission to stay at her friend's house for a sleepover later, you had your day off, lounging in the living room with your son cuddling to you with his most favorite dragon shaped toy pressed between your bodies, listening to your husband walking around the bedroom, getting ready for the lectures at the University, being blessed with afternoon classes.

The day was perfect indeed. Until it absolutely isn't.

Sometimes you really want to kill your boss. It must be today that you are called to work to help with an emergency, that no one knows how to deal with except for you. And the fact that your boss does not consider any possibility of you having trouble with doing what's required, makes you fume harder.

"Li, I don't know what to do!" You cry in frustration, buttoning your shirt. "We can't find a babysitter in ten minutes! You have to go to work, I have to now too, we can't just ask Ganyu to cancel her plans, she's been waiting for this sleepover for weeks, and I can't take Xiao with me - by the sound of it I won't have a single moment to look after him."

It's been no longer than five minutes since you received that call, but you are already as stressed as after a week of non-stop work. Why must've the stars aligned this way!?

Your husband - bless his soul - is fully dressed and is holding your little son perched on his arm, supporting his back with a hand, watching your frantic movements with sympathy.

"I don't think I'll have many spare moments either, my love. Only breaks between lessons. Let me think," the man hums, leaning Xiao’s body more onto his shoulder and reaching for his phone with a free hand. The boy wraps arms around his neck, watching you brush your hair with a pout. The plan was to spend the whole day together with mama, watching cartoons, playing, maybe going for a walk or, ideally, taking a nap, finishing it all with making dinner and welcoming papa home. Now, it seems to him, all these plans are thrown out of the window.

However, Xiao was always a very perceptive and patient kid - he sensed somehow when the situation couldn’t be helped and him throwing a fit - not like he would - would only cause more trouble. That is why he is quietly waiting for what comes next.

And finally Zhongli finds a solution.

“I’m calling Ajax. He mostly spends time at the teacher’s lounge. As far as I know he really loves kids and has several younger siblings, he should be able to handle our son. And during breaks I’ll be taking over” “Oh,” as good as it all sounds, there is an instant hesitation in your mind. “‘Li, you sure you can ask him that? It’s a big deal after all…” “I know, dear, I know. That’s why I am calling him now in advance to make sure it’s alright,” your husband dials the number of his department’s secretary and puts the phone to the ear. “I don’t even mind paying him if he agrees.”

In reality you had nothing to worry about. The gingerhead was more than willing to watch your five-year old son. Maybe willing isn’t the right word even - the young man is excited.

Zhongli is lucky to arrive before the current class ends - the less attention is drawn, the better. He collected everything he could think of to occupy Xiao during his time at the lounge in a bag, which he passes to Ajax the moment his son and him are introduced. However while the secretary is wearing a wide and kind smile, the boy is glaring up at him from under the brown bangs, boring his strikingly golden eyes in the tall figure.

“Dad, I don’t like him,” the little boy pouts, hugging his plushie even tighter and throwing daggers at the gingerhead from behind the dragon’s mane.

“Ouch, little guy,” with a dramatic gasp, the young man clutches the shirt on his chest and presses the back of his hand to the forehead. “How will I live? Hated by Mr Rex-Lapis’ son…”

“Now, now, Xiao,” Zhongli gently pats his head, bending down to look into his eyes and finding displeasure there. “It’s only for today, baby. Me and mom are really sorry for not spending time with you today. I promise that soon I’ll be home for two whole weeks.”

To that the boy’s eyes widen.

“Two weeks… That’s fourteen days?”

“That’s right, sweety.”

“That’s a lot!” He jumps, elated by the news, no trace of dissatisfaction written over his cute smiling face.

“Haha, it is, dear.”

“Wow, Mr Rex-Lapis, your son is really smart!” The secretary stopped playing hurt, instead clapping his hands together in praise and nodding his head in approval. “How old is he?”

“He is five. Yes, he learns really fast.”

“No wonder, he has you and your wife as parents.”

The remaining 20 minutes before his first lecture Zhongli spends in attempts to make his son comfortable not only around Ajax, but also at the new place as well. All that time Xiao doesn’t let go of his ever-present companion - a toy dragon, which he is hugging close to his chest. He politely greets every professor that comes to the lounge, which makes the secretary’s jaw drop since he is the only one who’s been initially rejected and, Zhongli can swear, he saw his boy smirking in the toy’s fluffy mane.

Other professors can’t help but mention how much the son resembles the father, even making small talk with the boy, whom they’ve only heard about before or seen in the framed picture of your family on Zhongli’s desk. By how polite (sorry, Ajax) and shyly sweet he is Xiao quickly becomes everyone’s favorite, pockets currently full with all kinds of treats.

When it’s time to go, the man kisses Xiao’s forehead goodbye, promising to be back in an hour and a half for a break, and grabs the materials. Once he leaves alongside his colleagues, Xiao sighs and, ignoring his temporary caretaker, moves to the bag his dad left, starting to dig out all the candies to put them into its side pocket.

“Whatcha doin’, little guy?” The young man is at his side in two long strides, curiously watching the boy’s actions. Xiao gives him a side eye, before deeming the question plausible and turning back to his task.

“I don’t want them right now. I’ll bring them home and share with mom and dad.”

“I am sure they’ll like that,” Ajax hums, busying himself with the contents of the main section. “Oh, would you look at that! It seems that your dad packed some coloring books, toys and… oh, puzzles! You like puzzles?”

The boy quietly nods. Tiptoeing, he tries to see the two boxes his temporary caretaker is holding, and the young man immediately crouches down to let him look.

“This one is new,” Xiao finally points to the box in his left hand. Ocean blue eyes skim over the picture of a phoenix, drawn in a simple yet elegant style. Yes, that definitely looks like something Mr Rex-Lapis would’ve bought for his child’s entertainment.

“Alright, let's get you behind your dad's desk,” golden eyes sparkle and a glimpse of wonder appears on the boy’s face. Dad showed him his own space at the lounge; it's tidy and organized, with all the necessities sorted inside the drawers and some notes and pictures pinned to the corkboard on the wall to the left. He wants to see them closer!

His caretaker drags the chair back, but climbing on it Xiao performs himself. As Ajax is humming something while tearing off the tape on the puzzle box, the boy turns to look at the photos Mr Rex-Lapis has on display. It’s so funny, really - not so long ago this little fella’s father was an image of reserve to students, no one knew who his wife was or the fact he had two kids. The secretary remembers how just half a year ago he used to be among those only ones who knew of the professor’s secret (which, in reality, wasn’t a secret at all). Why hasn't he ever spilled any info to the students who adore him?

Well, what fun would’ve been in it?

“Is that your big sister?” Xiao quickly glances up, taking notice of how the tall (but not as tall as dad) man hovers over where he is sitting and points at one of the pictures. The boy looks at it again.

“...yes. It’s Ganyu.”

“I have a sister too,” the fond expression on that freckle-covered face and a seemingly lightened color of those ocean-blue eyes disarms the five-year old a little. He blinks, waiting for what more he can tell. “Not one actually. Oh, and I have brothers too. One is your age, by the way!”

“Doesn’t it get too… loud?” Small hands reach for the carton box, lifting the lid.

“It does, in a good way though. But when our two huskies join in on the fun… Let’s just say it’s a good thing we have our own house.”

“You have dogs? That’s so cool! I want to have a pet too,” Xiao unceremoniously empties the contents onto the table, yet carefully places the lid with the picture against the monitor of the computer. “Mom promised that when I get older, they’ll buy me a bird.”

“Oh? You love those?”

“Mhm… Maybe we’ll buy something as pretty as…” he pauses, looking at the fiery bird. Ajax quickly realizes the struggle.

“A fo-nuhks,” Xiao prompts.

“Yeah… A fee-niks.”

As the minutes tick by, the boy’s initial hostility seems to evaporate. He still doesn’t talk unnecessarily much, but he does talk to Ajax, so that's progress. He is quite quick to finish the puzzles, and his temporary caretaker makes sure to praise the child. They talk a bit more about their respective families, Xiao even introduces him to his dragon companion. And the gingerhead picks the small fox-shaped keychain his elder sister knitted for him to play toy pals.

For another half an hour it manages to entertain the boy, but as the end of the class is nearing, he grows more and more distracted, glancing either at the door or the clock hanging high on the wall. It’s not hard to guess he is missing his father and is anticipating his return, but both Zhongli and Ajax can do nothing to just speed the time.

What professor can do though, is excusing his class ten minutes earlier, quite happy they got to get through all the material he prepared for this lecture. Bidding the students goodbye, he locks the door of the auditorium with his suitcase inside and puts the key in the pocket of his fancy vest to come back in twenty minutes.

When Zhongli enters the teacher’s lounge, he finds the secretary showing his son something on his own laptop. However, once Xiao’s eyes spot his dad’s figure in the doorframe, the little guy is down from his chair and running all the way to the man.

“Dad!” Mr Rex-Lapis barely has time to close the door and scoot down to catch his son, who nearly bumps into his legs, threatening the man’s balance. Finally in his arms, with his own tiny ones tightly wrapped around strong neck, the carbon copy of Zhongli happily smiles and Ajax has to rub his eyes to make sure he is not hallucinating. Wow, this boy can smile like that (sorry, my guy, you are just not his favorite, though now tolerable at least).

“Hello, Xiao,” Zhongli plants an affectionate kiss on his son’s cheek. “I see you’ve missed me,” the words are answered with eager nods. “Did you have fun with Ajax?” At least some of it.

The gingerhead lifts his eyebrow when the boy looks back at him, holds the gaze of ocean blue eyes for a moment, and then turns to his father once more.

“I suppose.”

The older man has to clear his throat with a polite cough so as not to break into a smile at the image of the assistant's slack jaw.

“That’s good, my dear.”

“Are we coming home now?” His son wonders, fingers playing with the longer locks of dark brown. Unfortunately, the answer is a dejected sigh.

“I am afraid we are not yet, sweety. But mommy texted me recently that she’ll be able to come get you after my second lecture. And then I’ll have one more.”

At the promise of you soon arriving to take him home, Xiao’s just building pout quickly disappeared. It’s okay, he can wait for a little bit longer. And that fox-like man isn’t bad, his company is quite nice. He even showed him some pictures of his family - almost all of them are ginger. Oh, and he promised to download some simple games onto his dad’s computer so he could play. And he still has his coloring books back there and he believes he saw you packing a small book - there is plenty to entertain him with.

Only for all these thoughts and motivation to be shuttered when someone knocked on the door and a second later some student’s head pushed through the gap. None of the three people currently present in the room could’ve anticipated what a black hole is about to be opened.

“Good afternoon, is Mr Rex-La- Oh, professor, you are here! We were wondering if we could take the key to leave our bags inside? As always? Oh, hey kiddo- Wait, a kid???”

“Dad, who is it?”

“DAD!?”

Before anyone could do anything, loud gasps break their way into the lounge. It appeared that almost the whole group was standing in the hall and heard everything crystally clear. Of course students are curious. Of course, they know about professor Rex-Lapis’ kid - the news and that cute picture from an online lecture were still the talk of the whole faculty just a couple of months ago. Of course, they want to see those sweet cheeks for crying out loud!

Ajax is the one who has to get everyone who does not belong in the room out and calm them all down as more than a dozen youngsters beg and plead with Zhongli to bring his baby boy to the lecture. And the said baby boy doesn’t help the situation either, looking at his father with those striking eyes, silently asking to stay with him. “I’m gonna sit very-very quiet,” he even promises.

Is it really a surprise that Xiao ends up sitting at his dad’s desk with his coloring books while the man is reading a lecture? (Students almost crumbled when their tall, handsome, enigmatic history professor walked into the auditorium with his son’s tiny hand clasped in his? Look, he even had to bend his body a little to do so!)

And, as much as students want to gush all over their favorite professor’s small-sized carbon copy, they keep their best behavior, because the situation gives the “once in a century” vibes and they’d be damned to destroy the magic of the moment.

Well, maybe a little, because the smallest interactions between Zhongli and his son as the man lets his students finish writing down information from the current slide are mind-blowing. Groupchat-blowing too.

Even cuter the whole occurrence becomes when the boy stops drawing and lifts his head, curious of what his dad is speaking about. He turns slightly in order to see the presentation, golden eyes skimming over the pictures and words, though he does not understand most of it. But it’s alright though - he can listen to his father instead.

Zhongli is pleasantly surprised when no one can answer one of his revision questions and Xiao lifts his hand, giving him the answer he wanted (he misspells the word a little, sure, but he knew the right response nonetheless). Aaaand that’s probably when the students finally lose it.

By the time the lesson is over and Zhongli meets with you in the teacher’s lounge to pass your very happy and very proud son to you so you two could be on your merry way home, the man feels a little drained. Nothing that can’t be fixed by your tender cheek kiss and soft rubbing on his back, but he still exhales heavily and swears that when he comes home, you are in for a new story.

And by what Ajax had time to tell while you’ve been waiting, you're sure it’s going to be a hilarious one.

taglist: @meimeimeirin Cause I remember how you once said you'd love to see more of this AU

[inactivewattpadauthor]

Raiden x Reader x Fujin: Brothers Share (Lime)

Context: Storm bros both are a bit 'frustrated', and they came up with a very lovely solution

Warning: Nothing explicit, but it's implied you get sandwiched ~~~~~~~~~~~~ The atmosphere gifted such serenity. It was perfect for one to sit through and meditate.

It was always Raiden's go-to hobby whenever he had somewhat spared time in his hands, and he always enjoyed it whenever he could. Although he is a demigod, an immortal being, he knew good things don't last.

Yet, recently, he's been feeling off. It doesn't feel something so dire he needs to consult with the Elder Gods, but whatever it was, it's bothering, let alone, confusing him.

The Thunder God will try to brush off the feeling in body, but it'll always come back. Maybe stronger than prior. And it's agitating since he only knew meditation, which doesn't help.

Standing from his spot, he groans indignantly, rubbing at his temples.

"Trouble with meditation, too, brother?" Raiden slightly flinches and turns to see Fujin. He must've not heard his brethren enter the room.

"It seems so. No matter my attempts, my mind will not be clear. Worse, I do not know what is causing it." Raiden walks around, trying to think before stopping by the window and peering down.

His glow up orbs observe his familiar two students sparring with each other. Turning to the right more, was you seated in the distance, catching up on your studies while occasionally glancing up at your two dorky friends fighting.

For whatever reason, Raiden was less interested in watching the progress with the two boys but kept focus on you. It wasn't like you were doing anything special, but his gaze just never leaves...

"She's stunning, isn't she?" Fujin walks to his side and observes as well.

Raiden only lets out a monotone grunt, which Fujin knew he agreed with him.

"I've been having the same feeling you have. A certain frustration that not even meditation can sooth." Fujin began, walking off from the window. "I may have an idea on how to deal with it, but you are not likely to accept it."

Raiden looked at his brother with a snarky look, finally ridding his gaze upon your figure. "Speak your mind brother, I have no patience for half-hearted, indirect suggestions at a time like this."

Fujin only chuckles at his brother's short fuse, nonchalantly leaning against the wall, crossing his arms. "Well, we both clearly have eyes for dear Y/n, am I correct?"

The expression on Raiden's face relaxed, intrigued on what Fujin may propose. "Are you perhaps about to suggest we collectively pursue her?"

The wind god smiles and nods. "We could persuade her to assist us both on our... salacious feelings before it gets worse."

Looking down, letting the cynical hat cover his glowing orbs, Raiden ponders. This was rather something sinful, but he cannot deny, he is a man. And he knew that Fujin wouldn't judge, considering he's completely relaxed and the one even to propose such a preposterous thing.

"What happens if she finds the request disturbing and says no?"

"If she doesn't want to then we can figure something else out, but Y/n is a cooperative one." Fujin answers, seemingly confident.

Sighing, Raiden takes the younger god's word for it. "I'll accept the proposition."

---Time skip! Dont forget to drink water!---

You ruffled your messy hair, being rather tired after a day of being active. Yet, you were to stop by the Sky Temple again at night.

Walking in quietly, you seeked out both protectors of Earthrealm and did your usual bow as they spot and approach you.

"Greetings, Y/n." Raiden says, returning the courteous bow. "You do not have to be formal with us. You're our friend." Fujin tells you with a warm smile.

"Oh- my bad, it's a habit." You say a bit flustered. "What is it you need from me at this time? Is it about Liu Kang?" I looked confusingly between the gods.

"No, we just..." Raiden didn't know how to start off. "Do you mind if we all go somewhere rather exclusive?"

You were confused since the Sky Temple was rather empty already, but you nodded anyways. And in a split second, the three of you appeared in a rather comfy looking bedroom with a flash.

It must've been Raiden's since all the decoration and furniture look ancient and untouched, considering he doesn't really take time off.

As you were distracted taking in the sudden surrounding, Raiden places his hands behind and back and sighs before explaining. "My brother and I spoke of an issue we both seem to have, and we request if you are willing to help us."

You looked at Raiden and then Fujin in the back. They both seemed relax as if maybe it was something not too urgent. It made you curious.

"Okay, what is it?"

"A certain craving," Raiden takes a glance at Fujin, whom nods, encouraging him to speak more on it.

"A need that we both share. We both desire the physical companionship of a woman. And we would like for you to join us in satisfying that, ah, particular desire since we know you well."

The cat seem to have ceased your tongue as you didn't know how to respond, rather your mind has clouded with thoughts, mostly questions. You looked from Raiden to Fujin. Both of them, eh?

Fujin raises an eyebrow, amused by your expression of shock and uncertainty. "Oh, don't worry, dear Y/n. We won't hurt you. We are simply asking for your consent, and your willingness to indulge us."

"So you guys are really asking me to sleep with you? BOTH of you?" You just had to make sure you were getting this right.

"It may sound absurd for a mortal woman to sleep with not one, but two gods, but we are still men." Raiden states.

"And something similar has happened before." Fujin hints with smugness.

"Fujin." Raiden gives him a warning look before turning back to your shorter being. "Do you have any objections?"

This was rather a one chance in a lifetime deal, and both brothers are such fine specimens. You trusted them well enough.

"Both of you?" You repeated once more with a smirk that was pure admiration.

Fujin walks behind you, first gently grabbing your shoulders before wrapping his arms around you, clearly the more eager brother.

"Brothers share, Y/n." He whispers in your ear, his white bang tickling your face.

Raiden steps more forward, his shadow looming over the both of you. "And we share 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨."

That line alone was enough to cause goosebumps. You gasp quietly feeling soft lips on your neck.

"She's so pretty." Fujin moans out a comment, holding you more and kissing your skin.

Your attention was grabbed back by Raiden as he lifts up your chin, having you look up at his authoritative eyes. "Are you ready to serve like a good mortal?"

You gulped, feeling two things poking you, behind and front.

"Yes, my lord..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ahem... not saying there will be a part 2, but uhhhh, I'm definitely gonna be thinking on it...

God, what my own writing does to me

(Someone on Tumblr ask smth in my inbox, I'm hella bored and lack human interaction)

[theseeingfawn]

Chapter 8: Secrets... Secrets...

Summary:

Azriel and Elain navigate the complexities of their growing relationship while desperately trying to keep it hidden from the Inner Circle.

Azriel Elain sprawls out before me. Her perfect body draped along my bike. Her plush thighs wrap around me as I fight to catch my breath. My eyes lock in on the rose tattoo under her breast, my cock weeping at the sight.

Say you're mine. I tell her, my voice choking from restraint. She has my mark, she’s all but mine. I just need to hear her say it.  Her eyes flutter at the request. That perfect rosy blush I love so much spreads across her cheeks and down her neck. I'm yours. 

I curse when the sound of a piercing alarm wakes me. It was a dream. Another fucking dream. But the throb in my slightly damp sleep shorts is very real. I reach down and stroke myself, finding my cock harder than it's ever been. I watch as my hand slides up and down providing me with much needed relief. I see the rose on my hand and I’m immediately back in my dream with Elain. I close my eyes, allowing the images of her bare before me to return. I'm so close, embarrassingly close. I stroke myself once, twice and I jerk at the force of my orgasm. My muscles tense as I shoot my release across my stomach. I lay there catching my breath, frustrated that I'm in this position yet again. It's been a week since my last date with Elain and I've woken up like this every single morning.

I've been keeping my distance from her until I get these feelings under control. I warned her my work would take me away for days at a time. She hasn't questioned it. Hasn't messaged me. Nothing. I don't know what I expect. The distance is what I want, no it's what I need but it's agony. I don't understand this chokehold she has on me. Everything about her drives me wild. She's an intoxicating mix of boldness and shyness. The way she quiets my thoughts. How she plays with me like no one else does.

I think about how she lured me into this secret arrangement. Stalking me like prey in the townhouse study. The way her hand slid down my chest as she taunted me. How she pretended she didn't know how to play darts just so I would touch her more.

Fuck, I'm hard again. I groan in frustration. I've never been this horny in my life. Maybe the solution is to give in to the feeling. I just have to work this need out of my system, I think as I start stroking myself all over again. I'll empty myself out as many times as it takes and then I'll decide what to do next. 

----------------------------------------------------------------

“You look like shit,” greets Cass.

I bite back a response and instead turn my attention to the movement in the corner of my eye. 

I watch Nesta as she slams her wrapped fists into a punching bag over and over again. The intense focus shining in her eyes like a burning flame. It's impressive though her form is shit. I can't imagine Cassian has been able to get her to work with him. 

“You'll last longer in a fight if you keep your elbows up.” I say as I walk over to her. I demonstrate by getting into a fighting stance. She nods at me and raises her arms higher. Instantly improving her form. Cassian gawks at me like I’ve performed some sort of miracle. 

“I've been telling her that all week but she won't listen.” 

“That's because you're a pain in the ass.” She responds without looking at him. “I'd rather train with Az.”

I turn and give him a smile. He scowls at me in return,“Why are you even here?” 

I narrow my eyes. “I'm here to work out, this is a gym, isn't it?” 

Turns out rubbing myself raw didn't solve anything. All I learned from my experiment is that t Elain Archeron is capable of keeping me permanently hard.

“Oh, is that what you want? If that's the case, why don't we spare you smug bastard?”

I chuckle. Cassian’s fuse is even shorter than I thought it would be. Nesta must be putting him through it. Someone should be.  

We warm up in preparation for hand to hand combat. It's not my preferred way of fighting. I don't care for the intimacy of it but if I had to spare with anyone it would be Cass and I need to get rid of this pent up energy. In fact, picturing my fist in his face is the only thing that has eased this overwhelming need burning through me.

The gym Cass has built looks amazing with everything a person could possibly want. There's high dollar equipment, a studio for classes, a strip of turf for pushing a sledge, and a locker room with a sauna. Which I fully intend to use after this. Nesta moves over and sits on a wooden bench to watch. I don't miss the gleam in her eye, a hope I might knock Cass down a peg. After his scheming with Rhys he deserves it. While I love him, I'm disappointed in his method for getting closer to Nesta. The least I can do is humble him a little infront of her. 

I join him in the center of the ring. I sigh impatiently as I watch him swagger around me without striking. He always waits for me to strike first. He thinks he is testing my patience which is fine by me, I can control myself. But, with Nesta as an audience I have no doubt that Cass will try and pull out all the stops to impress her. So, I wait and wait and wait. Growing more amused by the second as I see both Cassian and Nesta tire at my ability to wait it out. She cracks first, “are you just going to dance around or are you going to do something?” 

Cass turns to her acting as though he is distracted but I know better. I half heartedly lunge at him and he blocks me with a cocky gleam in his eyes. He presses forward with a powerful punch that I dodge. We trade blows until we fall into a familiar rhythm. Strike. Block. Counter. Repeat. Occasionally, a few blows land but we are evenly matched. He has more muscle while I have speed. 

We take a break and I turn to grab a sip of water behind me. That's when I catch Nesta staring at me out of the corner of my eye. Interesting. I take my shirt off and head back to the center of the ring. Her eyes track me as a disconcerted Cass shoots daggers at me. Not one to be out done, he also takes his shirt off and starts flexing. I can't help but chuckle, “Subtle.” I mouth at him. He narrows his eyes at me and mouths, “are you mad?” I snort which just irritates him more. It's too easy to rile him up. I lean in a bit, “if you want to impress Nesta maybe you should actually land a few blows.” 

He grunts at me, “you're a real bastard you know that?” The taunting works because he starts pacing around me more determined than before. “You’re been more quiet than normal,” he comments. 

This is his version of a taunt. I don't respond. He studies me closely, “you have bags under your eyes, is it work?” I don't answer, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. He tilts his head to the side and smiles, “No, it's a woman isn't it?” Again, I keep quiet. “It is, isn't it? Are you seeing someone? One of your secret lovers?” 

Nesta hears Cass and adds a little too curiously, “you have a girlfriend?” I'm not going to ignore Elain's sister. I like her and don't want to be rude. So, I bite out a quick, “No.” Cass though latches on to my engagement. “It is a woman isn't it?” He smiles like an idiot and I send a jab right to his face which he barely dodges. “Oh,” he practically coos, “It's definitely a woman then.” 

Nesta is watching us intently as she asks, “Is it the woman who rode your motorcycle?” Cass lets out a whistle. “You took a woman on your bike? Must be serious. Ness, he never lets anyone on that bike.”

“How many times do I have to tell you? Don't. Call. Me.That.” Nesta grits through her teeth.

I do my best to ignore them, I can't have them fishing around me and Elain. Cass sends a fist at my left jaw but I easily block it. I'm not nearly as distracted as he hopes I am. 

“I'm not seeing anyone.” I say as blandly as I can. 

It seems to work because Cass shrugs before he lobs another predictable combo at me. 

“So, that's what it is… you need to get laid.” 

I pause for half a second but it's enough. Cass saw it. He wiggles his eyebrows at me. “Ohhhh…. I see. You need to go to pound town.”

Nesta and I both scrunch our noses at that. She gives me a, “Can you believe this guy look?” which makes me appreciate her on a whole new level. Finally someone who can relate to what I've endured all these years. 

“You know, you could always call up one of your lovers.” He adds as if he is trying to be helpful. Which he most certainly is not. 

I decide to kick him in the shin which he doesn't see coming. He winces as he raises his leg like a wounded dog which makes Nesta laugh. He sends her a withering look. 

“I don't need to get laid.” 

“Sure you do. Look at how tense your shoulders are and your poor jaw has been sawing back and forth since you got here.”

“Maybe that's just the effect you have on me.”

Nesta adds, “He has that effect on me too.” I chuckle which only makes Cass angry and he lands a blow to my ribs. It hurts like hell but I'd rather die than give him the satisfaction of showing it. 

“Come on, just pull out the little black book and release some pent up energy before you do something stupid.” He says while trying to punch my face.

“When have I ever done something stupid?”

He pauses. Honest to Gods pauses and thinks it over. “Never. But you’re just a man Az, you're bound to fuck something up like the rest of us.” 

The accuracy of that ominous statement unsettles me more than I'd like it to. 

Nesta tilts her head to the side in curiosity, “Do you really have a little black book of secret lovers?”

“No.” I bite out at the same time Cass says, “Yes.” Letting Cass think I've lost focus, I turn to face Nesta giving her a wicked smirk, “I'd never be foolish enough to leave a trail.” I watch as she gulps. 

Cass lunges at me but I anticipate his move and turn to hit him with a combo that has him flat on his back. I lean in and help him up, “I'm not the one who is distracted by my cock Cass. You're projecting.” 

Cass wasn't projecting. I'm just as pathetic as he is, ready to do whatever it takes to please an Archeron sister. Because when I got a text from Feyre the next day reminding me about the monthly Inner Circle dinner I almost smiled.  Over a social event. Where I must talk to people. I really must be losing my grip on reality. 

Elain

I shouldn’t be sneaking around. It’s a bad habit but I can’t seem to help myself. People let their guard down when I’m around, and mother save me, I’m too nosey for my own good. I only meant to drop off the double fudge brownies in the townhouse kitchen before joining the others. I didn’t intend to tiptoe to the sun room where I heard Feyre whispering to Mor. 

“Cassian’s convinced he has a secret lover or four.” Feyre states as Mor snorts. 

“You have to admit his behavior since he’s returned to Hewn Hills has been off and now this rumor about a blonde on his motorcycle and an explosion? Honestly Mor, I don’t know what to think.”

I lean in further knowing it’s Azriel they are talking about. A little eavesdropping can’t hurt I tell myself. 

Mor sighs amused, “Oh Feyre, you're being a touch dramatic don’t you think? He’s a grown man if he is seeing someone, who cares?” 

Elain can’t see her sister but she just knows her lips are pursed in annoyance. If it’s one thing her Feyre can’t stand, it's being brushed aside when she wants to pry into other people’s business.

“She doth protest too much.” Came Feyre’s smug reply.  

“What are you talking about?”

“Come on Mor, he was spotted leaving here with a blonde woman on the back of his motorcycle.  You called him marvelous!”

My sister barely takes a breath before she powers onward, “I even heard you two had dinner when he flew into Velaris weeks ago. You know, at that sexy new restaurant Rhys loves to get takeout from. I’m only asking you to be honest with me, I thought we were close.”

I fight back an eye roll. Gods why was I cursed with the most dramatic sisters? If it isn’t Feyre pouting about being denied private information it was Nesta threatening to stab someone for looking at her funny. 

I can't help but smile to myself knowing that our secret is still safe. My sister’s think they know me so well, that I am boring and shy Elain… little do they know.

“For the hundredth time Feyre, Azriel and I are just friends.”

I hear a sniffle and notice someone is crying. I creep a little closer, finally able to see Mor frantically wring her hands in her lap while I see Feyre reach for a tissue. Her response seems out of character. Her complexion also is paler than normal. Her expression is almost grave. She’s acting a little hormonal. It seems like I'm not the only one hiding something. I make a mental note to check in with Feyre soon. 

So lost in my thoughts, I nearly miss Mor whispering a confession I never expected to hear. 

I close my eyes wanting to whack my sister for pushing her too far. Because Mor is gay. I suddenly feel queasy about spying on them. Mor has been nothing but kind to me and here I am trapped with a secret I have no right to knowing.

This is why you don’t snoop, Elain. Now I have three secrets to hide. What a tangled web we weave.

I turn back toward the kitchen ready to flee and beg the gods forgiveness for my wicked wicked ways when I hear Azriel’s name again. Unable to help myself I turn back around to hear better. 

“It doesn’t matter if I were into men or not. I could offer myself up to Az on a silver platter and he would deny it’s what he wants if it means having to face his feelings of inadequacy.”  

I replay the words over in my mind as I walk aimlessly through the house. Trying to put some distance between me and what I stumbled upon. Does Azriel feel inadequate? Would he truly deny himself love, if it was offered to him? I’m so lost in my thoughts that I walk directly into a wall. No, not a wall, but Lucien. 

He grabs me by the shoulders as he steadies me on my feet. It takes several seconds of blinking before I clear my mind. “Woah there, you nearly took me out.” He says with that stupid grin that everyone else finds charming. 

“Then you are easy to push over,” comes my snarky reply before I could stop myself. But instead of being dissuaded Lucien laughs, the sound catching me off guard. “Is that a slight toward my physique or politics?”

I look him over, truly taking in his form for the first time. He isn’t as imposingly tall and burly as Cassian. Nor sculpted and sleek as Azriel. But, Lucien is no less strapping. He notices my slow perusal and his eyes soften ever so slightly. That won’t do. I need to keep him at a distance. I may appreciate his form like any normal woman might and can admit we share a bond over our work but I am not his, and never will be. “Both.” I say trying to add even more bite to my tone than before. His grin widens as if delighted by my taunting. It seems Lucien may secretly enjoy a little fire. I shudder at that, Gods Elain you do not need to subject yourself to that. 

“Ouch Miss Archeron, you seem to have wounded me again.” My heart stops and my stomach turns, he is flirting with me and I flirted back, didn’t I? Perhaps Azriel’s lessons in being bad are working a little too well. I move to take a step back but he gently grabs my elbow. His touch foreign and not at all what I expect. 

“I’m actually glad you bumped into me. There is a bit of a problem I thought you should be aware of regarding some official town business.” 

I sigh dramatically and rub my temple, “Please tell me Bernadette and Pauline haven’t been vandalizing election signs again?” The last time that happened it took a lot of pleading, and what some might call unscrupulous tactics, to get them out of jail. Lucien laughs, “I would have called you right away if that were the case.” He's right, handling those two is an all hands on deck situation. I can’t help but smile and feel a sense of comradery toward him.  He is the only other member of the town council who everyone seems to treat like their own personal assistant. Not a grievance nor opinion is left unheard by the golden boy. 

I let out a shaky breath, imagining the worst, like murder or heaven forbid a letter writing campaign.  

Sensing my unease he rubs a hand gently up my arm. I fight the urge to pull away. 

“It's bad but not that bad,” he consoles. “I received several requests about banning motorcycles.” 

I scrunch my face up in confusion and then realize there is only one cause for this. 

“It's about Azriel, isn't it?” I ask, already knowing the answer. 

His hand stills as he watches me closely with those odd eyes. One is russet and the other gold. 

“Partly.” his tone suddenly flatter than before. “Some complaints were specifically about Azriel. While others fear that the new biker gang activity in Windhaven might spread here. Some think it already has…” He leaves the rest unsaid. The implication landing like a blow. 

The town has been on Azriel's case since the moment he got here. Now, he is being singled out again.

“They think Azriel is a gang member?” I ask, my cheeks heating with fanger. 

“Some do, yes. Others are just afraid because he represents what they don’t understand. He’s an outsider.”

I take a deep breath and state the obvious, “That’s not fair.” 

“No, I suppose it’s not. I brushed it off at first but the complaints kept coming. He is Feyre’s brother-in-law so I have tried to keep it from becoming… a thing. But, I’m afraid it’s quickly spinning out of my control. I need your help, the people here trust you and you’re practically his family too.”

I fight back a wince at the implication of that statement. “So, you haven’t told Feyre?”

“No, I’d rather not. I want to hold off until I’m certain there is no other option. You know how heavy handed they can be on handling local matters. Do you think you can help?”

I nod, and his smile returns. “We can chat about it more before the next town council meeting and come up with a plan.” 

“A plan to make a plan,” I say. 

He snorts, “a plan to make a plan that will surely go off the rails.”

I smile, “Like the time you tried to start a film club at the library and Twilight was the only movie people would watch?”

His eyes flash with a challenge, “No, you must be thinking about the time you added medicinal herbs to the community garden and everyone accused you of planting marijuana?”

“It was a chaste tree! It’s great for helping with period cramps.”

“Uh huh, and what did they accuse you of when you mentioned that?”

“Witchcraft.” I can’t help it, I giggle at the memory. Even after all this time Bob watches me a little too closely when I putter about the garden. We both share a laugh over our shared suffering. 

Lucien’s face falls as his attention is drawn toward something behind me. I turn to see Azriel standing in the doorway. His face is as inscrutable as ever. Our eyes meet for half a second before his gaze is back on Lucien. I pivot to look toward him, his eyes finding mine and he huffs out a breath and walks away.

I walk toward Azriel, an uneasy smile on my face. “It’s good to see you,” a polite and bland sentiment that does not match the true feelings I keep hidden. 

“It’s good to see you, too.” He does not meet my eyes and I can’t bear it.

I walk closer still and let the tips of my fingers graze his. I lean in ever so slightly, brushing my bare arm against the cobalt blue dress shirt covering his bicep. Only then does he turn to me, our eyes locking. My heart flutters as a small gasp escapes my lips.

Those hazel eyes devour the sight of me. They hold such tenderness and longing that I can’t stand the thought of looking away, of leaving him without him knowing I want him. But I must before I do something foolish. We have managed to protect our tentative relationship and I won’t risk it. 

Azriel

I try forcing myself to focus on the conversations happening around me at the dinner table and not the fact that Elain is sitting next to him. She willingly sat next to him. She laughed with him. She had a private conversation with him, that I walked in on foolishly chasing the sound of her laugh. Their interaction seemed more friendly than I‘ve ever seen them before. Not that I see them together often, I can’t stand the sight of it. But surely they do spend time together. I overheard the tail end of their conversation. They were discussing the town with such shared affection. I can’t stand that they have something that ties them together.

Okay, maybe she didn’t choose to sit next to Lucien but she didn’t wait for me to get her out of it like last time. And yes, we shared a moment earlier though it isn’t enough. It never feels like enough of her. She is keeping her distance for a reason. I wanted distance, so why am I so upset? I hate feeling jealous. I have felt it a thousand times before with Mor and it never gets any easier. If anything it’s only gotten harder. 

I bite the inside of my cheek until the pain becomes unbearable. Using the pain to numb my feelings. I make myself turn to Cass who is of course making puppy dog eyes at a scowling Nesta. 

“How’s the right hook?” I ask her. 

“Better, thanks to your help.” Cass shows his contempt by stomping on my foot hidden by the table. Typical.

“You know I can help you, Ness, much better than Az can.” He adds with a cocky grin.  

Nesta rolls her eyes, not taking his bait. 

“You should give him a chance,” Feyre says. 

Nesta hisses at her sister, “You'd like that wouldn't you? It would make you feel better about what you've done to me.” 

Rhys sets his fork down. A dark scowl swept across his face so quickly I nearly miss it. 

Feyre releases an uneasy breath. 

Before she can lob her retort, Nesta turns her wrath elsewhere. 

“I want to focus on Elain and her new secret boyfriend.” 

Elain’s eyes go wide as saucers. Not expecting her usual defender to throw her to the wolves. 

Unfortunately, Feyre takes the bait. “Yes, Elain, why don't you tell us about this mystery man.” Her eyes hopeful. 

Don't look at me. Don't look at me. 

The clever woman she is, Elain keeps her eyes locked on Nesta who is sitting pleased with her successful thwart. 

“There is nothing to tell.” Elain says quietly before taking a bite of food.

Nesta tisks, “Come on Elain, I can't be the only one whose life is ripped apart and examined for entertainment.”

I still, at the bitterness of her words. Nesta knows full well that Elain’s life is always under the microscope. But Nesta is like a wounded animal, lashing out at anyone or anything to avoid scrutiny. 

“My love life has been the focus of too many dinners as is.” She says with a calm grace that neither of her sisters seem to possess. 

“It's because he's fake, isn't it?” Nesta accuses. At this Lucien turns the weight of his full attention to Elain.  

I ball my fists at my sides. Trying to remind myself that Nesta isn't in a good place. That she's Elain's sister and if anyone can handle Nesta it's Elain. 

“Just because you're not in a good place doesn't mean you get to lash out at me. Handle your feelings like an adult or go to therapy.” Elain says showing more spirit than I've seen before. 

“Well, look who's finally decided to show some claws.”

“She's right Nesta, you don't have to lash out any time someone asks you a question.” Feyre adds.

“Piss off, miss high and mighty. You two best friends now? Makes perfect sense that Elain takes your side, doesn’t it? Pushover that she is.”

I pivot ready to aim my ire at Nesta, ready to defend Elain. Before I get a word out she's responding. “I'm an adult, stop fighting over me like I'm a child.” 

“Look who finally decided to be interesting after all.”

Elain flinches and I close my eyes unable to tolerate seeing the hurt on her face. How many times has she told me she wants to be seen as interesting, only to have it thrown in her face by someone she loves. 

“I'm allowed privacy and my relationship is mine to discuss if I choose,” her voice is strong despite the hurt she wears so obviously. 

Cassian asks, “so, it's a secret… That's funny because Azriel has a secret lover too.” 

“How interesting,” Amren says, smiling into her cup.

I feel Rhysand's eyes boring into the side of my head. 

Mor just looks between Elain and I with a look of hopeful amusement.

“I knew it,” says Feyre, clapping her hands, “who is she?”

“Oh, he’ll never tell. He never does,” adds Cass. “Maybe Elain has learned something from him.”

I'm going to kill him. 

Lucien turns his focus from Elain to me. Clearly mulling over the situation at hand. Nesta eyes me curiously, as if seeing something new she hasn’t noticed before. 

“A gentleman never tells,” I add, giving Feyre a wink. 

“That's not fair, Az!” Feyre whines. 

“Get used to it girl, he's had countless lovers and I've never learned a single name.” Amren says. Varian adds, “his reputation is well known even in Adriata.”

I notice Elain breathe a sigh of relief. If I have to take their scrutiny to spare her I will. 

“Of course he doesn't share their names, there are too many to memorize. It's easier If he just calls them all baby, isn't that right?” Cass chuckles to himself. It’s like the man has a death wish. He’s not wrong of course, as a roguish teen I may have done that but it's been well over a decade since I've stooped so low. 

“Yes, baby,” I croon to Cass. He lets out a howling laugh. 

“Oh my god, is that why his contact name is ‘daddy’ in your phone?” Nesta gapes.

Cass just shrugs, “among other things.” 

Everyone breaks out in a raucous laugh, except for Rhys who is still watching me closely. His eyes shift to Elain who is smiling brightly. 

By the time dessert is brought out, all the tension from earlier has been eased. Cass and Rhys took turns recounting my glory days to the sisters and laughing at my expense. I don't mind the ribbing as long as Elain is no longer under scrutiny. 

She brought double fudge brownies as a treat and I would have eaten them all if my hand wasn't swatted away. Rhys invites the group to move to the living room to play card games. I take my chance and wrap my hand around Elain's wrist and pull her into the shadowed alcove beneath the stairs. 

“Hello, lover,” I teasingly whisper in her ear. She pulls away slightly, “one of many?” she asks with a teasing glint in her honey colored eyes. I graze my fingers along the smooth skin over her cheek, “Elain, I…” The sound of voices nearby pulls my focus away. “We shouldnt do this here,” I pull her closer as I look behind me to see how much time we have left. “Go up to my room, the third door on the left in fifteen minutes.” 

I turn back to her and she's biting her bottom lip in that enticing way. She nods before I walk away. 

Elain

The moment I’m inside Azriel’s room panic sets in. Did I just willingly enter the room of the great seducer? I’m not prepared for this. Azriel may be a master at sneaking around but not me. What if he proposes we take our relationship to the next level? What if I can’t resist him luring me to his bed. Do I want to resist? If I didn’t, was I willing to face the consequences of our secret relationship being revealed the most tawdry way possible? With me chanting his name as I climax with our friends and family downstairs? 

Before I let myself answer that question, I look around his room and instantly let out a laugh of relief. I spot the cheetah print throw draped over his hot pink bedding. At the head of the bed there are sequin throw pillows in various shapes and colors. In the corner is a mosaic end table topped off with a lava lamp. The only evidence that this is Azriel’s space is the black leather jacket hanging from the hook on the back of the door. Nothing about this room suggests a modern day rake lives here. Perhaps someone’s slutty grandmother or that gigolo I threatened him with last month.

I turn around amused by the status of his current living situation. Admiring more Precious Moments figurines than I can count and holy shit is that the ��Love One Another’ figurine. Clearly I have nothing to worry about. 

The door suddenly opens and Azriel rushes in and closes the door behind him. He leans back against it like he escaped an enraged bear. “You wouldn’t believe the level of detail Amren can go into about Varian’s cock when she’s had a little too much to drink.” He is still wearing the same dark blue button up shirt but now his sleeves are rolled up revealing his heavily corded forearms. He has an excited and down right devilish smile that makes him look like an entirely different man. It fades when he takes in my expression, “why are you smiling like that?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” I say, waving him off, unable to stop giggling. He cocks his head at me skeptically and tosses his phone on his bed. “Okay, clearly it’s not nothing. Why are you giggling like a schoolgirl?”

I can’t help it, I finally give in and let out a cackle. Tears prick my eyes. I’ve wasted so much time feeling intimidated by Azriel’s prowess. Just earlier I was feeling jealous of his secret lovers when he is clearly a teenage girl with a love of collectible children’s figurines. 

“It’s silly, I was a little nervous when you asked me to sneak into your bedroom. Especially after everyone went on and on about your… reputation. But then I realized you were living like Austin Powers and I didn’t feel so worried anymore.”

“Wait,” he says looking offended, “Why don’t you feel worried anymore?”

“Because,” I say laughing as I picture Azriel trying to seduce someone with a disco ball above the bed. “Look at this room! The only thing you’ll be holding in here is a seance to talk to Liberace.” 

He scoffs, looking away briefly only to meet my gaze again, “You think this decor matters one bit? If I wanted to seduce you, the sequins and the pink frills aren’t going to stop me.”

I roll my eyes, “Okay, Casanova.” I plop down on the unsexy bed. “Here I thought the notorious Azriel Rosehall would live somewhere with elegant mood lighting and a record player in the corner where he would offer to show his favorite slow jams. A true den of iniquity.”

“Well, I don't love that name.”

“But, really it’s putting me in the mood to watch a Bratz movie. Does this thing even…” I bounce up and down on the bed a few times. “Oh my gosh, it doesn’t even squeak, Azriel! What kind of ladies’ man are you?” I lose it and fall back on the bed in a fit of laughter. 

He watches me amused, “Are you enjoying yourself?”

“Most certainly. Because you sir, are a disgrace to bad boys everywhere! I’m tempted to take a picture of you next to the Kylie Mongue poster and post it on Instagram.” 

Azriel steps toward me, “Alright, get your ass up.”

I feel giddy and loose-limbed from joy as I sit up and take his outstretched hand, “What are we going to do, bedazzle your motorcycle jacket?”

But my breath catches as he spins me around and pins me against his bedroom door. His very large, very warm body is pressed flush against mine. “Because you’ve insulted my carefully crafted image of a heathen, your next lesson in being bad starts now. I’m going to demonstrate a few things -”

Gods save me.

Azriel takes both of my hands and pins them beside my head as he carefully interlaces our fingers. His searing gaze is locked onto me. The naughty twinkle in his eyes tells me he won’t miss a single one of my reactions. His hands are rough and large. His pressure isn’t too firm and not too soft. Just the right amount. My lips part on instinct and Azriel’s eyes lower to my mouth - watching the moment that it happens. The smallest smile teases at his full lips before he moves his mouth to the shell of my ear. His breath tickles me, sending pleasing little waves of pleasure down my entire body. My neck is so sensitive, even the faintest of kisses are enough to make me finish. My response betrays that fact as he teases me effortlessly. New sensations I haven’t felt before surface in the pit of my stomach and lower… He smells so good. Feels so good. 

“First things first…,” His bedroom voice is dark as night and silken. So hot. “It’s never about the room. The room doesn’t play a part in seducing.” His voice deepens, amused and cocky. This is exactly how I imagined Azriel as a lover. No, he’s even better than I imagined. 

He continues, his breath hot and heavy against my sensitive neck. “In a bind a closet, a bathroom, even the back of a motorcycle will do just fine.” His mouth moves even lower and he inhales deeply. Never touching or kissing, just breathing me in. “Decor doesn’t matter.” He moves back up my throat as he speaks. Then he switches sides. I tilt my head back offering more of myself to him. I want to make sure he reaches every spot, every possible crevice. 

“Because, if I’ve decided to be bad Elain and capture my lover's attention, from the moment we are alone, her pulse will be racing. Her mind will be solely focused on my touch, my smell, and my desire that the color of the bedspread won’t even cross her mind.”

His hands continue to pin me to the wall with the most delicious amount of pressure that makes me squirm. A desire so potent floods me that I feel my knees start to buckle. Desire I didn’t know I was missing. Desire I didn’t know I needed. Now I’m afraid I’ll be deprived of it for the rest of my life. 

Azriel moves from my neck, fanning his breath across my jaw to hover over my lips. “Elain, open your eyes and look at me,” he commands, and until now I hadn’t realized I closed them. When my eyes flutter open, I feel drunk. His hazel gaze is dark now and heavy on mine. I feel desperate for him to kiss me. Ready for him to teach me more, ready to be bad for him. With him. To him. I barely remember what I was jealous about. All I know is the sound of my pulse drumming in my ear and it’s saying the same thing over and over again. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. 

With his mouth only a blink away from mine, he smiles, “Believe me?”

I nod silently.

He releases my hands and takes a step back. My arms fall to my side. For a moment, I am still pinned to the wall. Unable to move for fear of my knees giving out completely. I mourn the loss of him even though he is just there, just a few feet away. His head turns to the side, eyes refusing to look at me. Why didn’t he kiss me? He’s done it before.

“Why did you stop?” I demand. 

He shakes his head. “You’re not ready, Elain. You say you are but you aren’t willing to jump off the cliff into the unknown. You are holding yourself back and I’m not going to be the one to push you.” 

I shake my head in frustration. 

But, he continues on accusing, “you want cheap thrills. You are just hiding from the life you didn't choose.” 

He stops and takes a deep breath, “you're just using me to give a big fuck you to fate.”  

I feel anger I’ve never known rise within me. His words don't make sense. Our whole arrangement is about him helping me. Was that not a lesson he just offered me? He is forcing distance between us. It’s a cop out. Just like him letting the others talk about his lovers. He was trying to push me away. He wants… He wants… and just like that the anger I feel morphs into something else. 

“I could offer myself up to Az on a silver platter and he would deny it’s what he wants if it means having to face his feelings of inadequacy.” Isn’t that what Mor had said? I close my eyes and steady my nerves. 

I take a step forward and another until I am in front of him. I reach onto my tip toes and take his chin and turn his face toward me. His expression is hard steel, a mask he uses far too often to hide how he really feels. 

“It’s not me who’s holding myself back, Azriel.” I slide my fingers over his chiseled jaw. “You won’t let go, you won’t give into this.” His eyebrows bunch in confusion. 

“You think I don’t see you, that I can’t tell that you want me as much as I want you.” His eyes churn with emotion. 

“You draw me in just to push me back out. You guard your heart because you're afraid I don't want this.” I look into those eyes that see so much but never willing to believe. 

“I'm not Mor, Azriel. You think I shouldn’t want you but I do. This is more than just lessons and games to me.” I say as I slide my finger tips against his lips. 

“What is it?” He whispers, sounding pained. 

“It’s everything.” I sigh as I reach for him, draping my arms across his neck and kiss him like I have always dreamed. 

He groans into me and kisses me back with a burning passion. My feet are no longer on the ground as he spins and tosses me onto the bed.  Before I can move he is on top of me pressing his erection between my legs. I let a wanton moan and the sheer pleasure of it. 

His large hand covers my mouth. “Quiet.”

I whimper into his palm. Utterly ruined by his dominance. “Fuck.” He says grinding into me. “You have no idea what you do to me.”

I feel my thighs start to shake. I’m already on the verge of cumming and he hasn’t even truly touched me. “I’m going to ruin you.” He pants into my ear. “I’m going to…”

I startle as someone knocks on the door, “Azriel, are you in there?”

It’s Rhysand.

[lucid-heart]

Teeth in Your Throat

Vampire!Lottie Matthews x f!Reader 🔞

🩸Lottie hesitates to feed from you because she's scared of hurting you. But you know she would never, she just needs a little convincing🩸

WC: 1.7k+

masterlist • read on ao3 • request

CW: Blood Drinking, Kinda Subby Top Lottie,

"You can bite," you say. "You need to feed. And I trust you."

Lottie's eyes haven't left yours but the usual dark brown has been replaced with a glowing red. The beautiful vampire hesitates when given the chance to drink your blood. She's always worried she will hurt you.

But you know she wouldn't.

And she is very, very hungry.

"It's okay," Lottie says with a slight tremor. "I'll find Nat, she can get me-"

You grab her hand and tug her closer. Lottie stumbles and bumps into you. Her skin is cold to the touch but will quickly warm once in contact with you for long enough. She nervously looks away, as if looking at you for too long will cause her to lose control.

Maybe that's what you need her to. To give her the push over the edge.

"Lottie. Are you really going to run and find Nat when I'm right here?" You roll your eyes in fake exasperation. "Hmph. Maybe I should go find Shauna."

Lottie's eyes snap to yours and her brows furrow.

"What?" A single word but it's ice cold.

Lottie hides her emotions well, years of being forced to act like the perfect daughter for parents that never cared about her. But you know her too well. Even now as she tries to act casual, it bleeds through her stare. Hot, raging, jealously.

You shrug. "Nothing. Just I know Shauna would appreciate a taste. Since Jackie is away, she hasn't had human blood in a while. And I beat she would be real rough about it-"

Lottie grabs you with pure vampire strength. One moment you're standing face to face in her room, the next your back is against the wall with her body caging you in. She bares her teeth as her fangs snap down, eyes glowing red.

Your heart races in your chest. You should feel fear from being so close to someone so dangerous and the adrenaline rushes through your system. Heat burns in your chest and you let out a shaky exhale.

"Don't," she says. "Don't talk about Shauna."

You raise a hand to her lips. Slowly you press your thumb into her mouth and against the sharp tip of her fang until it draws blood. Then you press deeper into her mouth. Her tongue swirls around your fingertip as she catches the taste of you. Of what you're offering.

She groans and her eyes flutter.

"What are you so afraid of?" you ask. "You need to feed. I think it's hot when you bite me. I think there's an easy solution here."

Lottie lets your thumb slip from her mouth and she stares at you with intense eyes. Ever since you've started dating, you've chased the darker side of her. She worries that you'll be afraid of her. Doesn't she know you love it? You want her.

"Baby, please." You lift your head to expose your throat to her. "I need you."

Something in Lottie snaps and she pounces. Her lips lay waste to your neck as she kisses and nips, sure to leave a splattering of marks the next day. You moan and hold onto her. But she doesn't break skin. Not yet. Not even as she teases her fangs against your pulse point.

"You're such a temptation," she murmurs. "I want to so badly."

"Why don't you?" you gasp breathlessly.

She presses you against the wall and a thigh slots between your legs. You bite back a groan as you press against her, need pulsing through your core. She's hardly even touched you yet.

"Mm." Lottie kisses your jaw. "Adrenaline makes blood taste sweeter."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. Prey that runs, that is afraid. It's why we hunt. Why we chase. It tastes good." A hand dances across your chest over your clothes, a light tease. "But do you want to know what tastes best?"

She finds your wrist and lifts your still bleeding thumb to her mouth. She meets your gaze with hooded eyes as she licks the bead of blood welling on your fingertip.

Your heart thunders in your chest, so loud it might overwhelm you. You know Lottie can hear it. Her vampire hearing allows her to pick up on even the slightest of changes. The corners of her mouth quirk in knowing. She knows exactly what she's doing to you.

"Prey that wants it tastes best."

Wants her.

Needs her.

Needs-

Lottie leans in and claims your lips, the metallic tang of your blood still on her tongue. You taste it in a fleeting moment before it's just her kissing you. Usually Lottie is sweet and kind, a wonderful girlfriend who loves you very much. This side of her is that but also darker and possessive. She kisses you like she wants to devour you. To claim you.

You must have really ticked her off when you mentioned Shauna.

You wrap your arms around her neck and hold her closer. Her frame is slim but you can feel the power she possesses. If she wanted to, she could throw you across the room without blinking. You are weightless to her.

Evidenced by the way she effortlessly hooks a hand under your thigh and lifts you against the wall.

"That's it," you breathe against her mouth. "That's my girl."

Lottie groans and she slams a hand into the wall beside your head.

"You like that? Being called mine?" You tug at the front of her shirt until she gasps. "Do you want me?"

"Yes, yes, so badly." It comes out as half a needy beg and half a hiss. Lottie licks her lips and bares her fangs, twin points shining and full extended.

You want her fangs buried in your neck while her long fingers are buried inside you.

Lottie seems to get the idea as her eyes darken. She shifts her hands to your waist and carries you over to her bed. Down onto the many cushions you go with her on top of you. She can't stop kissing you. She can't get enough of you.

You find the hem of her shirt and tug it over her head. The second she's free, she's back kissing you again. It's hungry, pressing you back against the pillow with even the slightest touch. She's so hot.

"(Y/N)?" she groans.

"Mm?"

You dig your nails into her shoulder blades and she shudders.

"Can I...?" Her eyes sweep down your body.

She doesn't need to ask, you've wanted this since the moment you lay eyes on her. How could you not? Lottie Matthews can command a room with her smile alone. She enchants and entrances, and that's even without her vampire powers. You've wanted her since the beginning.

The vampire thing is just a bonus.

"Please."

Lottie shifts back and lifts your shirt. As she takes it off, she plants kisses up your stomach, your chest, your throat until she reaches your lips once again. Your entire body feels like it's burning alive.

You need her to touch you.

"God, you are so hot," she murmurs. "I could just eat you."

You bite her bottom lip for emphasis and tug it back. "Do it then. I'm here for the taking."

She doesn't need anymore encouraging. Lottie eagerly leans in and kisses you again. But this time, as her lip strays across her your jaw, her intent is clear. Sharp teeth tease at your skin as the hunter finds her mark.

But Lottie doesn't bite just quite yet.

She trails a hand down your stomach into your pants, finding you wet and ready for her. It doesn't take her long to find the perfect angle and then she's sinking into you.

"Fuck, Lottie!"

You arch up into her waiting mouth. She kisses your neck, just below your ear.

"God, (Y/N), I want you bad," she gasps. "You're so-!"

How can she say that as her fingers thrust in and out of you? She quickly finds a strong rhythm, curling deep inside you. Heat spreads through you until you feel like you're aflame. You're burning for her. You won't last long.

Lottie lets out a shaky exhale and her body presses against you.

"Fuck, that's it," you groan. "Just like that! Keep going, Lot, I'm so close!"

"Y-Yeah?"

Your nails find themselves in her back again and she whines, the noise sending a hot flash right through your chest. You scratch down her spine and she moans.

"So close, you're doing so well, Lottie," you gasp.

As if spurred on by your praise, she ducks her head against your skin. Her fangs caress the vulnerable expanse of your shoulder, just waiting for her moment. You know exactly when she will bite you. And you weren't lying when you said you were close.

You cry out her name as you come, drawing blood from how hard you're clutching to her back.

And Lottie sinks her teeth into your neck.

Jackie described to you what it felt like but nothing could have prepared you. No pain, no sting, just hot pleasure spreading through your entire body. Lottie drinks from you and it completely overwhelms you.

Fingers in you, teeth in you.

"L-Lottie! Oh god, Lottie!"

She drinks her fill. You can't quite tell if you're lightheaded from that, from coming, or a messy combination of both. Either way, you never felt anything like that before. Intensely euphoric and addictive.

Lottie paints your throat red with kisses, tongue lightly pressing to the weeping wounds. She groans deep in her throat.

"(Y/N)... that was..."

You know.

You released your hold from her back and flop back against her pillows. Lottie raises her head and her lips are painted blood red. You raise a hand and wipe the drop trying to roll down her chin.

"Good?"

She laughs. "More than good."

You touch your throat and your fingers come away red. Lottie flushes, embarassed at the mess she made. No matter, she will have plenty of time to clean it later. You reach a hand towards her. Lottie meekly accepts your fingers and licks them clean.

"Still hungry?"

"Uh... I... not really-!"

You hook a leg over her hips and turn the two of you. Lottie ends up sprawled beneath you, hair spread out like a dark halo. You smile down at her. Her blush is very cute for someone who is so dangerous.

"Okay. Then I guess it's my turn to feed on you," you smirk.

You have so much exposed, unmarked skin to work with. When the night is over, your claim on Lottie will be painted all over her skin.

Lottie nods. "Yes, (Y/N)... Please."

You smile.

As if you needed asking.

[sadceline]

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 7

|| Reverse harem || ft. TXT, Mingyu (Seventeen) & BTS

WARNINGS: foul language, explicit content, group sex, humiliation, sex in public, threesome, foursoome, rough sex, red flags, immoral acts, unprotected sex, morbid jealousy, comedy, parody, possessiveness, violent quarrels, arguments, betrayals, lies, femdom sometimes.

GENRE: +18, reverse harem, comedy, enemy to lovers, friends to lovers

SUMMARY: You moved to Seoul to start over after a bad experience, and everything seems to be going well, you even manage to work for HYBE. You discover, however, that you owe them almost a billion won, money you don't have and don't know how to recover: but don't worry because Hybe itself offers you a solution.

Your body in exchange for paying off your debt.

Do you accept?

PREVIOUS CHAPTER:

FIRST CHAPTER:

Jake and I spent long, long time together last night. I'm not sure how many times we did it, because sometimes, he didn't always come out of me before he started again, it became extremely natural after we showered together.

I can't deny that we had some pleasant moments, clearly, but I find it deeply wrong how keep thinking about it.

The way he sleeps is just perfect, to say more would be superfluous.

Jaeyun has gone out early, perhaps to meet up with that Kibum Jay mentioned last night, but once out of the room, I just look around. It is early, only eight, so I guess it might be nice of me to prepare breakfast.

Today I'll take care of cleaning the bathroom, but from what I witnessed yesterday with Jake, there's not much to do. These guys manage to get neat without too much mess, and it actually surprises me, I get the impression that they're not really like this normally.

I can't imagine an environment where more than three men live that isn't a mess, but these are gender biases, my bad.

When I reach the kitchen, still wearing the Jake's t-shirt, I find only two people in the kitchen, and honestly they are just the ones I would rather not have met alone. I could hear them giggling together from earlier.

They notice me right away, I see their eyes move quickly to my low-cut legs, then Sunghoon looks away as Heeseung looks at me surprised and amused.

"Did you sleep well?" The band ace asks.

"Where are the others?" I ask, nonchalantly.

Heeseung snorts pretending to be offended. "Everyone's gone out, even the owner of your t-shirt."

"Isn't it early?"

"Would 8 am be early?" Sunghoon asks incredulously.

I ignore him, will do so for the time being. "Did everyone have breakfast?"

"How nice - comments the other - she worries about us. Anyway Jay takes care of breakfast, however, I didn't get up in time."

That Heeseung was someone who likes to sleep a lot seemed clear to me, but who knows why Sunghoon is here? Surely he doesn't have something to do? That way I could try to get to know the third shift owner, maybe he's not so bad.

I thought that more before I saw him sneering at Sunghoon, who knows what for then.

"All right, then, I'll go." I reply, not knowing what to say during this long, awkward silence between us.

"Aren't you having breakfast?"

You make me laugh, Heeseung.

I definitely don't want to eat in the same place as Sunghoon, I'm not going to answer, that's why I have to avoid him -- I know very well that if he provoked me, I would give in right away.

"Not now." I smile forcibly, before turning away.

"Are you doing this because of me?" Sunghoon asks, in that deep, warm, sensual, silly voice of his.

I sneer, incredulous, glaring at him evilly. "No, I told you. My stomach clenches seeing such things."

"Says the half-naked girl in a house with seven men."

"Oh yeah? - I laugh, theatrically, but then I don't know what to say next, and I stand there several seconds staring with narrowed eyes at this idiot. - I didn't think you were so demure." I had to repeat the word several times, because I couldn't remember it in korean.

"Demure? Nah, I just like looking at beautiful things. You just take up space."

Heeseung surprised turns to his friend, then bursts out laughing. "But she's pretty, why do you say that?"

"You're a dumb too." Sighs Sunghoon.

Ah, so Heeseung really thinks I'm pretty? No, no, Amanda, don't trust that bewitching, glittering, blinding smirk, inside his eyes actually burning evil.

"You demanded your turn, though." I remind him, crossing my arms over my chest.

Heeseung covers his mouth as his eyes manifest his amusement. "How tense."

Sunghoon thins his beautiful big eyes, I left him dumbfounded for at least five seconds, plus Heeseung's joke. "It's dumb not to receive something he's entitled to. Besides, it seems fun to annoy you, doesn't it?" He asks.

"Ah, but then don't come out saying you're in love with me." I snort, confidently approaching the refrigerator to get a small bottle of water.

"The scenario you've been dreaming about every night since you arrived, right?"

"I guess fucking would serve you."

"Yah!" We shout in chorus, toward Heeseung, who dares to say such nonsense.

"You sound like a couple, how disgusting. No seriously, that's enough now."

A couple, me and Sunghoon? Ridiculous. Heeseung, this that you see between us is not sexual tension at all, its more a deep and sincere disdain for each other. I am absolutely convinced of that.

"I have to clear bath, use the others for now." I announce, starting toward the hallway again.

"Seriously, you should eat breakfast first." Reminds me Heeseung.

Spontaneously I turn away, but realizing I did it so quickly, I feel ashamed and turn around again. "No, it's okay, I never eat in the morning."

"Aish, it hurts you!" He says, like a concerned friend.

I smile amusedly, I don't know why but every second I spend in Heeseung's company increases my suspicion of him. He gives me the idea that he's a rather fake person, perhaps because our interactions have not been the happiest.

When I was just a fan, I had a completely different idea of him. In contrast, what I thought of Jay and Jake, we can consider sufficiently truthful. Of course, I did not imagine such a terrible personality of Sunghoon either, but that is another matter.

"What do you want to do today?" He asks me again, as if we had some kind of date.

I pretend to think about it for a few seconds. "Will you help me with the bathroom?"

"No way!" He mumbles.

Sunghoon smiles, making me a little strange.

"What would like to do? Don't you have appointments or..."

"Not today." He nods proudly, like a child.

"Dubt." Sunghoon says, in terrible english.

"I have a lot of games for the Play, do you want to see them?" He offers me all excitedly.

I am stunned at such a request, Sunghoon bursts out laughing, even.

"Did you think of anything else?" Heeseung asks, observing my all too clear expression.

"W-What? No, I mean, yes I want to see them. But then can I play? If not, I don't care."

This is the right way to go about things, Amanda, smile at life and it will smile back at you. I don't understand why it didn't work for the past 23 years, and I have no certainty that it will work in the future, but let's think positive - after all, this, a field trip kind of is.

"Do you like video games?" He asks me, with a genuinely interested look on his face.

I guess it's unfair to play like this when your interlocutor has no idea who you are, while you know much of his interests. However, your honor, I really like games.

After I moved to Bologna, kids my age continued to isolate me because of my south origins, it lasted for several years, not having an idyllic family situation I hid in the ludic competition. I had discovered some online games, such as League of Legends, and spent most of my money to buy whatever game piqued my curiosity, without considering those spent on skins... I don't regret anything.

My parents were well-off, and in that respect I can't complain, plus it was better for them that I just stayed in my room and played rather than bother them.

"Quite." I nod.

Sunghoon snorts wryly. "What, did you search on Internet to prepare for this question?"

"What games do you like?" Asks Heeseung, ignoring him.

"I'm master."

Heeseung's eyes literally sparkle as I say this, and it's adorable. "Really! And how do you play now?"

"I don't play." I reply with some obviousness.

"What?"

"I didn't bring my laptop, I didn't think I'd have time to use it - I explain, although in fact I was simply so flustered that I didn't think about it on the moment - do you want to see how a pro plays?"

"He met Faker." Sunghoon reminds me, getting up from the table.

"But Faker is a god, she is a normal person obviously disturbed to have made it to that level."

I feel like laughing, but I do it by covering my mouth: he's right, the guy is a god. "Actually LoL is disturbed."

"I am emerald! I can't get by cause I'm always busy!" He whines, please, you just stop being so cute.

"Maybe you're just noob."

"How can I be noob? I'm so strong, but you know, I'm a full-time idol..."

"Still noob." I confirm.

He opens his lips in surprise. "Yah! How dare you!"

"I'm off, see you later." I sigh, before drinking from my water bottle.

Heeseung calls me again before I can leave. "Do you want to go back to the apartment? Let's get your things."

I choke. The water goes down my throat and I cough so hard that some drops splash toward Sunghoon, why is he always in the way? He glares at me, moving away to avoid being hit by my saliva again.

"You idiots will get along - he says irritably, before approaching the hallway - you're alike."

"He's just saying that because you're pisses he off, sometimes he plays too." Heeseung explains.

I smile wearily. "I get it, I'll go clean up."

"You didn't answer." Reminds me the oldest of the boys.

I glance sidelong at Sunghoon, he's charging his cell phone on the kitchen counter from the outlet where the coffee machine is plugged, he hasn't left yet and I feel uncomfortable talking in front of him.

"Let's take the computer so we can play sometimes! - He means it, this guy who at first glance would really just look like a fool. - In the meantime, let's do shopping."

I'm surprised to hear him say that, judging by the way Sunghoon turns to Heeseung, he must be too. "You can't go to the supermarket."

"Yes, I can!" He whines whimsically.

"Are you stupid?"

"You went there too! I want to go!"

"Then go yourself!" He immediately replies.

I naturally break their lively exchange with a long sigh.

"The ramyeon can buy it by herself."

"But I want to choose the tastes!"

"Why are you justifying yourself to someone younger than you?" I ask, curious, turning to Heeseung.

He seems stricken in pride, but he does not give me the pleasure of confirmation because he smiles confidently shortly after. I cannot look directly at him when he does, so I am forced to lower my eyes.

"I'm not justifying myself, we're talking."

"Right, right." I nod, starting down the hallway again.

Sunghoon stands in front of me, preventing me from proceeding. "If you faint you'll say it's my fault, so eat."

On the contrary, I just can't avoid looking at him, even though there is perhaps more than six inches of difference between us. I feel tiny in front of him, I don't understand, it's like my head is spinning. I can smell him, I can smell that he has been wearing perfume since the morning, and this seems to completely intoxicate me, but positively.

I back away clutching my shoulders.

"I'm fine."

He doesn't answer right away, but then he sighs. "I'm serious."

I mumble incredulously, then quickly circumnavigate him. "Thanks, I'll go."

I rush into Jay's empty room and sigh worriedly. I said I hated him, and I was convinced I did, but I'm still not completely immune to his charms, I need to catch my breath.

I look around, everything is left as it was, I go to take off my shirt and change, I'm wearing plain stuff, but I like to be with my legs exposed and a loose shirt, so after carefully folding Jake's, clearly more emotionally valuable but also monetary, I go outside.

I plan to make it quick, but for good. Hygiene is important, given how many times I have used this bathroom before.

I wipe away every trace, I disinfect any surface we have come in contact with, I feel like a criminal but only because I am blaming myself.

Not because I have indulged myself so much as because I cannot erase from my mind the expression of pure pleasure from Jake's face. It seems to me something so precious that it's impossible for me not to want to appropriate it.

Clearly, these are just fantasies, I know, but it is hard not to be drawn into such a situation.

The house has all kinds of appliances, so after maniacally using the Dyson on the floor, I use the microfiber cloth to wash it. Eventually I am left with only the already clean towels to place under the sink, so I sit on the floor.

Who knows how long it took me, I don't think more than 30 minutes but I could be wrong.

I hear some footsteps coming from the hallway, they are slippers being dragged almost boredly, I don't recognize the walk but I'm pretty sure it's not Sunghoon's.

"Finished?" He asks, watching me from above, a Heeseung who can only be simply watched, silently even.

Amazed at such a vision about him, with his pink hair, wearing an oversized black t-shirt with white lettering, and black jeans that bandage his long, strangely full thighs, I can't help but stare at him. He's even wearing glasses, but how dare he?

After several seconds, realizing I cannot stay and stare at him, I cough clearing my throat. "Do you really want to go to the supermarket with me? But why?"

"Jay said you don't have a car and the credit card is not ready yet, so I should call a driver. Since this is my shift, and I don't have anything interesting to do, let's go together."

I don't know, I don't even smile, I simply nod but don't understand my own reaction. I'm sad about what, exactly?

"Then, I'll change." I say, closing the doors and taking one last quick look around, everything seems fine.

"In Jay's room?"

"You ask because you don't know?"

He doesn't answer right away, smiling goofily as usual. "Then, I'll wait for you."

I change quickly, lucky I took two showers last night, so no need to wash. I put on a red pleated skirt and a short, low-cut top, I'm really hot, wear a chocker to look a little alternative, and then partially tie up my hair, uncovering my face better. When I come out, Heeseung is standing in front of the entrance with his cell phone.

He lets me be the first one to pass and I find it gallant, although come to think of it Sunghoon did too and I found it rude.

"You really don't have anything to do?"

"Nothing interesting." He replies, waiting for the elevator to arrive.

"And I'm interesting?"

"Definitely singular. - He says it quickly, smiling amusedly and serenely. - I didn't think there was such a thing."

"I guess it's because Niki is now of age." It comes out spontaneously, but then I turn in surprise to him, who strangely has no reaction.

He lets me go in first, again, I can't help but stare at him the whole time, so much, he doesn't give me a glance and I feel safe, in his shadow.

We get to the parking lot, surprise, he even opens the door for me and I find myself catapulted into another dimension, please stop, Heeseung.

This must be his "rizz."

"What music do you like?" He asks me, after he starts the engine.

"Not the one you like." I answer again too spontaneously.

He turns to me for a few seconds, completely offended. "Excuse me?"

"I read that you like The Weeknd, I can't stand it. It's a drag."

"Excuse me?!" He asks, even more upset.

At this point I can't help bursting out laughing, it's exactly how I expected he would react. My stomach hurts, I can't take it.

You obviously have fucking taste." He replies after not taking it at all personally, no…

"That's why I like you so much." I nod, wiping away my tears.

I don't know why, but I see him look at me and then turn away again, without saying a word, then sigh. "How many songs do you know of him?"

"A few, enough to let me know I don't like his genre."

Flabbergasted, Heeseung reaches for his cell phone and I become alarmed. "I'll let you hear now, talk later."

"Watch the road!"

"You put it on, then." He sighs, throwing his cell phone between my legs, since I can't catch it on the fly, I pick it up later, there is the Youtube Music page, despite having an Iphone.

I find it quite strange to hold Heeseung's phone in my hands, yet this is certainly not the most absurd thing, as I find myself looking at his perfect profile, he's facing the street. As I said, he's wearing eyeglasses, it is a light, thin frame that moves perfectly with his face, and they enrich it.

"Do you understand?" He calls me, after saying the name of the song.

I was so focused on him that I didn't even hear him. "E-Eh? I didn't understand the pronunciation." I make it up on the spot, going back to look at the phone screen, which, however, went off!

Heeseung repeats the title but also notices that I panicked, so I softly hand him the phone. "Sorry, I made him turn it off. Just put the code."

He grins smugly. "Ten zero four."

Wait? Did he just give me the code for his phone? Since he's going to change it right after that, why not just enter it himself? He didn't bother with the road before I said it.

Even stranger that the code is the date of my birthday. What an amazing coincidence.

"Why did you tell me that?" I ask, genuinely surprised.

"Because it's more convenient, no? And on the way back you can put it in the music."

All right, I think I understand Heeseung a little better. While he can't avoid hiding what he is in heart, he persists in treating me like a fan, he is attentive and thoughtful, he does trivial things that would nevertheless make any girl fall in love, it's his way of posing, but I have my doubts that he's really like that, inside.

The song starts and I turn out the window, I can see Seoul flowing before my eyes, yet my mind keeps looking for Heeseung's profile. Honestly, I am too tense to focus on the song, plus I think my senses, my tastes, are momentarily altered by his presence. I do not feel the usual revulsion for the xanadian artist.

Aware that I'm not at all clear-headed, I defer my considerations.

"Where are we going? And why are you dressed so well? Have you a mask?"

"In what order do you want me to answer?" He asks me.

I smile, hiding on the other side. "At your leisure."

"First let's go to the best ramen store in Seoul, then we might have lunch somewhere, then we'll go to your place and get the laptop."

"You have a pretty clear idea."

"The perfect date, right?"

I laugh, how could I not, "Maybe next life, Heeseung."

I hear him chuckle too, and I smile again, as if my heart has suddenly warmed up. "I am dressed so well because I always dress well."

"You'll attract attention."

"I would do it regardless because I'm tall."

"Why are you so sure you won't get paparazzi?"

"Because I know where I'm going, certainly not to an ordinary supermarket like Sunghoon. Besides, I'm wearing a mask, you worry too much."

"You literally have pink hair."

A moment of awkward silence intersperses our lively exchange of banter, then I hear him sigh.

"I hide them under my hat."

"And how do you hide your ears? They're pretty iconic."

He looks at me shocked again. "Would you stop?"

"What did I say? I think they're pretty. - I admit, without thinking much about what I'm saying. - If it were me seeing them, though, I would recognize you right away."

We enter a private parking lot before he answers me, after several seconds I realize that maybe he is ignoring me and maybe he has changed his mind about today's program. It's okay after all, even if he gets upset, I care about the band - being a fan. Seeing Heeseung with a girl around Seoul could be a blow to the fanbase.

"Do you find them pretty?" He asks me when is finished parking, unbuckling his seat belt.

I, confused, do the same. "Yeah, sure."

"Do you want to touch them?"

Gasp, jerking back on myself and backing toward the door with my shoulders, not sure why I reacted so animatedly. "W-What?"

He lowers his head in my direction, closing eyes. "If they're cute, touch them."

I admit it's a bit very awkward this situation, however, my hands reach toward him anyway. I can feel the cartilage between my fingertips as my fingers tremble like after thirty coffees, I like this feeling so I don't realize I'm continuing to do this, it's like petting a puppy.

When I next realize he's about to start laughing, I pull away abruptly, upset.

"Do you have heartbeat?"

Clearly.

"N-No."

"You do." He gets back up, quickly adjusting his hair.

I can't retort, I don't have the guts, so I go to open the door but see him grab my wrist, I paralyze. "W-What?"

"Can't you see?" He points with his gaze at some ladies who are passing by the car. I meanwhile have lost about ten years of life.

I know, I know, it's strange for me to be surprised after all that's happened, but still it's another person, a person who makes me feel particularly nervous, plus he's not even as nice as the others, so I'm in a strange and precarious situation.

"I told you didn't have to come."

"Jay's list is long. Could you have brought everything without a car?"

"You could have called a driver."

"What about the credit card?"

"You could have made a wire transfer."

"I don't trust you with my credentials, what if you're a hacker?"

Through it all, he still hasn't moved his hand, and I so motionless that I can't even turn to face him, I simply look out of the car, where the two well-dressed and groomed middle-aged ladies linger looking at the car through the tinted windows. They are evidently commenting on it because it's expensive - sometimes koreans really can be like those in dramas.

I move my arm, he looks surprised.

I really feel like I should stay as far away from him as possible. The way he acts scares me, in a way, he seems completely fake.

"I told you I had nothing better to do."

"You could have stayed with Sunghoon, honestly you could have done ten other things."

"Aren't you glad I came for you?"

Again, the words hang in the air, though they seem to weigh quintals. I don't know what to say, I don't want to show too much vulnerability, but the vibration of his voice, his touch, his mere presence completely alert me. I am also full pervaded by his scent that has completely filled the car.

"I didn't say that, it's just that.. I don't see a single reason why you would make such a choice." I try to explain calmly.

He turns his strangely thoughtful gaze toward the ladies in front of the car, then sighs. "I have half idea, but it's just curiosity."

But what does that mean? What is he saying? Am I misunderstanding myself? Do you want to see that my korean is not so good, after all?

"Curious about what?"

"Never mind. - Sigh, looking at them impatiently, the ladies, who have decided to start converse right in front of the car. - Think of it as a gift from me."

"Would the gift be your company? - I ask wryly, using this time to observe his magnificent profile again. - I don't think they would recognize you anyway."

"I'm famous among milf, too." He nods with conviction.

I look up annoyed, I guess that's his real personality. Unlike Jake though, I don't find him cute at all, he creeps me out. In Jaeyun's eyes I saw insecurity, shyness, a certain need for approval, but if I look at Heeseung I see only a disproportionate ego and a lot of desire to slap him (in every sense you want to imagine it).

"So what do we do in the meantime?"

"We could kiss."

"What?!" I feel like screaming, to the point where maybe even the ladies can hear me since they look around surprised.

Heeseung curls the corners of his mouth before bursting into an irresistibly sensual laugh. "How can you react so timidly after what you did with the others?"

The saliva I was swallowing, perhaps desperately trying to lower my body temperature, goes down my throat and I start coughing on his dashboard, quite close to death. My vision is blurred and my throat has closed up, I want to strangle him right now, but I have to try to survive.

"Are you okay?" He asks, but he doesn't really seem to care.

I wipe away the tears as the coughing slowly subsides. "What did you expect me to answer?"

"Like. 'okay, let's start'."

He must be such an asshole after all.

"Okay, let's start." I say, laughing nervously as I look out the window at the car parked next to it.

Heeseung grabs my face with both hands forcing me to turn around. "Okay, let's do it."

What? My face goes up in flames, I feel like I'm not thinking straight anymore. He is staring at my lips with his beautiful bambi eyes, there is nothing innocent about it, it almost looks like a demon is holding me in hell to keep me from moving. The truth is that my body is not moving, but he is not applying any pressure. He has only brought our faces closer so that they are separated by very few inches.

When he bursts out laughing, I realize that he has been making fun of me, and I, like a fool, really believed it. When he pulls away, unable to hold back the laughter, I am paralyzed, unable to control my reactions at all. I am disappointed but also embarrassed.

I look away, putting myself back in my seat, stiffer. "You must be having a lot of fun."

"Indeed I am. By the way - he resumes speaking normally, as if he hadn't just broken my heart - did you like the song?"

"No." I say it without even thinking about it.

"I wonder if you would have responded like that if I had kissed you."

Should I get out of the car and chase these women away? I can't breathe, this car seems to get smaller and claustrophobic every second, Heeseung's constant giggling is getting on my nerves.

"I guessed you weren't a good person." I say, still tense.

"From what?"

"From the way you were snickering with Sunghoon."

Heeseung crosses his arms inside the back of his head, really relaxing. "We've been close from a while."

"He were close to Jake before, no?" I ask, reverting back to my old fan self for a moment.

He glances at me out of the corner of his eye, then back to the ladies in front of him. "How do you know?"

"During an interview - I remember that moment perfectly and it seems so strange to me now that I know Sunghoon's real personality, or what he shows anyway. - He said Jake was the member he was closest to."

"Amazing how things change, isn't it?"

"And why did they change? You seemed close, even though…"

"Even though?"

I let out a long sigh. "No, nothing."

"You grow, you change. Although have my doubts that those two will stay apart forever." He admits, surprisingly in confidence.

"Jake is too good to be with someone like him." I say instead, as if I've known them all my life.

"As a matter of fact… it's true. Do you have a soft spot for Jake?"

"A big soft spot." I answer, satisfied.

I have the impression that openly declaring my preference might annoy him, that's why I do it.

It's not even that far from reality.

"Change of plans - he announces, putting the belt back on and starting the car - let's go to your place for now."

"To get the pc?"

"Maybe get something else to wear too, I get the impression you only brought sloppy stuff."

What insight this guy has. I brought almost only clothes to stay at home or run errands, assuming I wouldn't need to take fancy or sexy stuff, in fact, the opposite. I didn't really think about it while it was the first thing to do!

"I don't have any japanese maid dress." I joked, nervous, putting the belt back on.

"Do you have any purple underwear?"

"What?"

"If you don't have a maid outfit, purple underwear is fine too."

Is he serious? The confidence with which he pronounces his nonsense really makes me want to throw him off some bridge.

"I'll wear Jake's t-shirt,woolen socks, and my ex's boxers that I use to sleep." I reply.

"Yah, you don't sleep in my bed in Jake's shirt."

"It's definitely cleaner than your whole room."

He seems annoyed by my saccharine tone; I couldn't be more pleased. I cross my arms over my chest, smiling smugly.

"Where is your apartment?"

Actually, being us now in Hongdae, a much more affordable neighborhood of Seoul frequented mainly by students, being there a major korean university, full of cultural centers, bars, clubs, we are quite close. It is precisely in this area that Ester and I have taken up residence.

I explain it to him, he understands absolutely nothing about it, so he orders me, literally, to put the street on Mappe. I don't have the strength to fight this war as well, so I simply do it.

"You can stop here." I say, when it is still a couple of meters to the entrance of the building.

Heeseung slows down and looks upward, then looks around. "There's no park here."

"Pull over somewhere, I won't be long."

"I'll go up with you."

"No."

My response is really quick, so quick as to be blatantly alarming. He turns toward me curiously, I desperately avoid his gaze for fear of betraying myself.

"Why not?"

"No need, I'll make it quick, really." My tone of voice is more docile, almost submissive, it's as if I'm trying to convince him.

He smiles. "No, I'm coming too. I want to see your room."

Absolutely not. He can't.

Searching for a park, I think well it's time to unbuckle my belt and search in a desperate attempt to get out and run in, before he can reach me, so as to erase any trace he doesn't have to end up before his eyes.

In my room there is too much information about my tastes, there are too many things an idol should not see from a fan. Therefore, the absolute mission is to escape.

It's not so easy, however, because Heeseung stops me from my arm, his long, strong fingers gripping it almost completely, preventing me from going outside. Then he presses the safety catch so that I cannot open the door again.

"What are you hiding?" He asks me, now obviously more curious than before.

Not only have I failed in my plan, but I've made the situation worse.

"There are girl things you shouldn't see."

"Why do I get the impression you are lying?"

"I'm not lying."

"Then I promise I won't be shocked."

"I don't trust your promises."

"It should surprise you just to hear them."

Seriously, I never assumed that he might want to come up to my house, that's why I was so calm with the idea of coming back for things, moreover accompanied by Heeseung who has the car. Seen from the outside, it looks like a win-win situation.

He puts on his mask, puts on his hat, after parking. We enter the building, immediately take the elevator, and all I do is think.

Thinking of a way: a way to solve.

I could hit him on the head and hope he loses consciousness, or accidentally lock him in the bathroom, but how do I convince him not to go into my room right away? Effectively, he doesn't know which is mine and which is Ester's.

By the way, Ester! I don't even know if she's at home, if she's with company, I'm literally bringing a guy, a famous one, into the house, without warning her.

I pick up my cell phone, call her, she answers quickly.

"Amanda! Did something happen?" She asks me, in Italian.

"Listen…are you home?"

"Huh? Yes, why?"

"I'm on my way up now…I have company…"

Ester says nothing for several seconds, as if she were organizing the little information I gave her.

"WITH WHO?!" She suddenly shouts, I am forced to pull the phone away.

"Your friend is a quiet one, isn't she?" Heeseung asks me, hearing her scream.

You wouldn't know it but…. "Yes, she is."

Surely she's not the type to go around saying she's met Enhypen or going to rat me out about my situation, however, I can't be completely sure, given how many times I've trusted the wrong people.

"He's actually at home - I suddenly say to the singer - just can't let you in."

"So what? She's not happy to see me?"

He's right, she would be very happy. "Amandaaa? - She calls me, from the phone, in a sweet, fake little voice. - Who is heee?"

"Listen, I need your help - I say, turning to her and away from Heeseung, who can't understand anyway since we are speaking in italian - I have to go to the room, alone, you must absolutely neutralize…. Heeseung."

Still silence, still long seconds of total absence of noise, then she bursts into a thunderous scream that can be heard even outside the apartment door, since we have reached the fourth floor by now.

"Are you kidding? I'm getting naked!"

I look annoyed at Heeseung, who understood perfectly that my friend was screaming for him, seeing how he snickers, then snort. "Do whatever you want while I go to the room. Anyway open up, I'm here."

Ester opens immediately, standing still in front of both of us for at least twenty seconds. She continues to stare open-mouthed at Heeseung, even though he is completely covered.

"Let us in…" I whisper, embarrassed.

Ester shifts like a robot, her soul has left her body. "P…P…Please…."

After entering, and looking around a bit, Heeseung removes the mask and I see Ester's eyes light up as if with divine light. I think she's about to cry and I can't blame her, after all she has no idea what it's actually like, but that wouldn't be like her, she's probably holding back her worst scream.

"P-Please I am E-Ester!" She says, taking a long bow as her voice escapes robotic.

Heeseung arranges his hair behind her forehead and then leans toward her, helping her up by holding her from the shoulders. "It's okay, there's no need to be so formal."

"Oh, my, god." My roommate tries to breathe.

I smile nervously, commenting in italian. "Did you see how bello (handsome) he's up close? Sickening."

"Bello?" Heeseung asks, catching this word, from the speech.

Ester looks at me, I look at her, let the plan begin. "Oh god! I'm such a big fan of yours, I never thought I could…. - she doesn't even make an effort to cry, but I know very well she's faking it, she's too adrenaline to start crying in such a situation, it's more natural for her to scream. - Oh my god, I can't believe it."

Heeseung smiles at her. "It's okay, it's okay. - He says, stroking her hair. - Do you want to take a picture?"

His voice is different he is kind, appearing dispassionate and sincere. It really gives me goosebumps, however, there is no better time than now to peel away, and so I do. I back away slowly, wait several seconds, until I reach the door to my room, enter in a millisecond ready to close the door behind me.

Oh no, again, again Heeseung's stupid shoe blocking the door.

"Do I look stupid to you?" He asks me, trying to peek inside.

I move frantically to prevent him from seeing even a glimmer of my room. "Go to your fan!"

"But you're my fan, aren't you?"

Oh no, Ester, what have you…done?

I see her peeking out behind Heeseung's back as he makes the gesture of prayer and forgiveness, what could she possibly have said to him in the half minute I used to reach my room?

I stare at him for long time, silent, not knowing what to say and so dazed that I no longer concentrate on forcing in the door, in fact he takes advantage of my stun to open it.

Oh no, oh no… OH NO.

He walks in like he's in some fantastic place, looks at the posters I've stuck all over the walls, and can't help smiling with great confidence.

"That's why you didn't want to…"

"It…was before I met you."

Basically, I have posters of all the members, it is true, however I have a few more of someone in particular, and they tend to be almost all on the headboard of the bed.

In the center of the composition is a giant Heeseung, surrounded largely by Jay and Jake, in contrast the other members are on all the other walls.

"Do all these posters of Jay really exist? Are they original?" He asks me, curious.

I face down. It was my fault, I know, I should have calculated it. "They are not all original, but they do exist." I answer under my breath, deeply and genuinely annoyed.

"Do you buy unofficial stuff? You don't, look…. but then mostly you choose Jay's stuff?"

I look at him, surprised. Is this really the first thing he asks me? Did Ester really say something strange? Why was she apologizing?

"I don't see the problem." I mutter.

"And why do you have so few posters of me on this wall?"

"There's a giant one."

What the fuck are you saying Amanda? Are you going against yourself?

Heeseung bursts out laughing, I pale.

"Your friend's bias is Jake and Jay, yours…is me?"

"No, I told you I don't have it."

"Ester said otherwise."

HOW COULD SHE THINK OF SAYING SUCH A THING? Okay, let's calm down, after all, it's nothing serious….

"It's things said like that, I also said I would like to marry Sunghoon and Sunoo."

"You don't have literal, giant posters of them, though." He says, reminding me of my own self-goal.

"Okay, you've seen my room, now get out, you'll make Ester happy-"

I don't have time to finish the sentence that the roommate opens my room door motioning me to reach her for a second. No, I can't leave Heeseung alone in my room, yet…. ah, whatever, the damage is done.

"What the fuck do you tell him it's my bias?"

"I did it for you, maybe he falls in love! You move and invite me to the wedding!"

"You betrayed me…" I say with an edge to my voice, as my eyes drain of their humanity.

"It's less absurd than what's going on - says she, who can't stop laughing - please, it's beautiful."

"He also has a gigantic ego."

"Anyone in his position would have that."

"That's not an excuse."

"Listen, I have to go to work - she explains, in fact, now that I notice, she is ready dressed - next time you have to bring Jay, or Jake, please! No but what am I saying, bring them all!"

"I'll try." I sigh.

Ester gives me a kiss on the forehead, then goes to my room: Heeseung, as I suspected, is looking at my albums, in the cabinet where they are displayed there are other things, like laminated photocards neatly placed in small frames, gadgets, there is even their lightstick. Do I look like some kind of saesaeng probably? Or I'm too old for this?

"See you soon Lee Heeseung." Ester says, bowing again.

The boy, however, approaches when she is up, he pulls her into a warm embrace that I witness in disbelief. "Call me Heeseung, we are friends now."

Ester is deceased, blatantly, not moving, not breathing, not seeing probably. Even Heeseung worries, seeing her paralyzed, I hit her on the back, not too hard but enough to bring her to senses.

"I'm leaving, yes. See you soon, He-Heeseung." She says, quickly, running out.

We remain alone, the awkwardness turn again. I know he's about to drop a few more bomb that I won't be able to handle, so I start to gather some stuff inside a backpack. I avoid his gaze but also dialogue; I don't know when and how this awkwardness will end, but I see it coming.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I don't."

"You keep denying it? - He laughs with relish, the bastard. - You definitely would have gotten a few more points if you had told me."

"I don't want your points."

"Apparently not."

I feel like shouting so loudly that I break his eardrums, ripping that smile off his face. I didn't think that the most irresistible thing in the world, to me, would also become the most irritating and unbearable thing. Even more than Sunghoon's entire person…. or not?

"Ah, I get it! - He exclaims, suddenly looking at me. - You didn't tell me so you could fuck them all."

"I can do that even if you're my bias - I reply quickly and recklessly, proudly - even if you're not!"

"You admitted it! Now I'm telling everyone!"

He says this by pulling out his cell phone, I don't know why but this upsets me. Does he really want to text everyone to tell them it's my bias? It's childish, absolutely ridiculous.

I have to stop him.

I snap up, try to take the phone from his hands but he only has to lift his arm to stop me. I'm not that short, but I can't even get close to his hand.

I try anyway, or rather, I try to make him bend his arm to take the phone, but what happens is simply that my breasts, covered by the top, slam against his broad chest. Through it all, he seems to stare smugly at my expression.

This is not good, Amanda. I freeze, turning back defeated; this contact has destabilized me.

"Why don't you want them to know?"

"Because…" I seem to answer in a rush, but the truth is I don't know how to continue the sentence.

Or rather, there is a reason why I don't want to, and his name is Jake. I absolutely do not want, for any reason in the world, for him to know such a thing. But I also don't want to admit it.

On second thought, I could always deny it….

Breaking these vaguely positive thoughts is the figure of Heeseung photographing the wall of my bed.

"Yah! Are you a child?!" I call back to him visibly angry.

"Come on, why can't I?"

"I don't want Jake to know."

I'm honest, I couldn't help it. He is surprised, but maybe not surprised enough, so he goes back to photographing the wall.

"I came good here, didn't I?"

"I got it for this."

"Jake came good in this photoshoot too, you should have taken his if you care so much what he thinks."

"You're a bully, I didn't expect that." I sigh, going back to sorting out my stuff.

Again, he probably don't care, and maybe they all do. What the fans think, remains only fantasies, the people we imagine behind the cameras are actually quite scary, as humans.

"I'm not a bully." He seems to continue my sigh, his voice is different again.

"It sounds like you are to me."

"It's not like I really did." He mumbles offended.

"Will you?"

"It bothers me that you want to know."

What kind of reasoning is that? Of course I want to know, the real dilemma is why should he be bothered by it? And why does he want to do it? Is it really worth it?

"Telling others would put me at a disadvantage, while for you it would just be a flex."

Heeseung looks at me, feeling his eyes on me. "Does your friend know that you slept with both of her biases?"

I roll my eyes in irritation. "Not both, but I'll tell her."

"Doesn't it bother her?"

"She knew why I was hired, there's nothing weird about it, and she's not so childish as to hold a grudge against me over something like that."

At my statement, the pink-haired boy remains staring at me.

"I thought it was even worse between girls."

"In the past, Ester, she also dated an ex of mine because she liked him aesthetically. Don't categorize us as if we were ordinary friends."

"And it didn't bother you?"

"Why should it? We weren't together anymore, plus we're very open-minded."

Heeseung strolls around the room, continuing to observe. "I wouldn't be able to."

"Because you consider people objects."

Perhaps I am too abrupt in saying this, but I am also too tired, too vulnerable, to try to protect myself.

"Don't girls like it? Feeling owned by their boyfriends."

"Only the most naive ones." I explain, getting up and grabbing my backpack.

"Are you done?"

"I have to get the PC from over there."

He follows me in silence, I pick up the charger, the headphones, the laptop.

"Do you have any ramen?"

"What?"

"Some ramen."

"I guess so, why?"

Heeseung stretches, looking satisfied. "Let's eat here."

"No way." I deny.

"But why!" He whines like a wayward child, stamping his feet.

"These are Ester's things, i don-"

"You pass boyfriends but you're afraid she'll get upset over a little ramen?"

Checkmate, Amanda, I guess.

"Isn't your house nicer? Why do you want to stay here? The air conditioning doesn't even work."

"No problem - he exults, taking off his shirt suddenly - all fixed!"

I try to shut my mouth relatively quickly, then turn around. "You're like a mental ill, aren't you?"

"What kind of ramen flavors do you have?"

Right, he's obsessed with ramen, I can't tell how many times he's mentioned it in less than half a day. Okay, fine, but he remains shirtless. Help?

"I just don't get it - I sigh, setting my bag on the floor and turning toward the doors to see what the house offers - what's so interesting about being here?"

"When you live here, you are a normal person. I want to see what you're like when you're normal."

My God, how? How can I not turn around to stay staring at him after hearing something like that? Shirtless, I still remember it, by the way. His expression seems sincere, for the first time, perhaps because he is not looking at my face and seems uncomfortable with his own statement.

"I found out you're in love with me, that's something I wouldn't have found out if I hadn't come to your house."

I laugh robotically, annoyed again. "In love with you? I find you slightly cuter at best."

"That's 50 percent of falling in love."

"Actually, if we're talking about beauty, I think Niki is the most handsome. - I start talking, as I search the counters for any kind of ramen to bring for him to choose from, I don't understand why Ester has them scattered all over the equipped wall. - Then there's definitely Jake, then Jay."

"You don't have a giant poster of them though, that means you liked more than just my looks."

Again, Amanda? Really, whose side are you on? You should just avoid the speech.

"The voice, I really like your voice. - I say offhand, although I'm not lying, I really love his voice. - You're talented and you've even taken care of some of my favorite songs, so…" I make an effort to get to the bottom of the door, to the top shelf, I know for a fact that there are more packages there.

Something hard, long and thin, rests on my back. Yah! What are you thinking about? I'm talking about his abs.

His abs?!

I don't understand what is going on, he is practically crushing me with his body against the kitchen counter. I realize only after a few seconds that he has picked up the packages for me, him reaching there without difficulty.

Still, since he has picked them up, why doesn't he move? I turned away convinced that he would take them off, but eventually I find myself two inches from his face again, and it's not that I don't want to, but I just can't look away from him.

His eyes turned back to my lips, the perfect curve of his nose, his naturally magentate lips….

"If you tell me what you like about me, I won't tell anyone." He whispers, looking into my eyes this time.

Impossible not to swallow, as my throat becomes more and more parched. "R-Really?"

"Really." He repeats in an even warmer voice.

Why does he have to be so close? Can't I explain it at a proper distance? It's not easy to think when in front of me are his shoulders, his collarbones, the muscles of his long neck pulled like violin strings, when in front of me is Lee Heeseung.

I boldly lift a finger to his face, touching the tip of his nose. "I like when eat naturally in front of the camera. - He was the one who first erased the distance between us, so why shouldn't I touch him? That's my right. - I like the fact that you take music seriously, I like any way you sing. There's nothing you can't do when you sing."

I move my finger along the curve of his nose, he is surprised but does not push me away.

"I've always been fascinated by naturally talented, brilliant people, and I saw that you were and you are meant to shine. - I continue, avoiding looking into his eyes but focusing on the various details of his face. - I like whatever you're wearing - I admit, laughing to myself for being so shallow right now, then move my fingertip over his Cupid's bow, moving it slowly over his lips. - I like the shape of your mouth, I like your smile."

It doesn't surprise me all that much that he hasn't interrupted me yet; after all, I'm practically singing his praises, anyone would want to hear them.

Moving my finger to lift my other hand, I take his glasses, barely slipping them off. "I like you when you don't wear glasses - I put them back on him - but I also love it when you wear them."

Even so, though, I start to become uneasy because of his silence. The fact that he looks at me so intently makes me think he feels pity for me, or something like that.

"I like listening to your voice - I say after all, removing both hands, - when I'm sad, I put on your covers because your voice automatically makes me smile. I realize it's silly, but that's simply how it is."

"Are you making this up?" That's the first thing he asks, suddenly staring at me seriously.

"Ask any other fan, they'll tell you the same thing."

"I'm asking you."

My heart beats in an abnormal way, if I'm on the verge of death I'm okay with it, it seems like a worthy ending for a life like mine.

How did I get lost in his big dark eyes? How did I get caught between his body and the counter?

"If I said yes, would you believe me?" I ask.

Heeseung seems about to answer, but then evidently changes his mind. He decides instead to kiss me - yes, you read right. He kisses me, cupping my face in his large hands and kissing me.

I am kissing Lee Heeseung.

It is a surrender from the very beginning.

His lips merge with mine not able to resist him anyway. He grabs me by the hips, lifting me up so that I sit on the counter, then goes back to holding me by the cheeks as he assaults me with his kisses. Not rough, like Jay's, nor sweet like Jake's, Heeseung's kisses are dirty, perverse.

He knows how to move his lips slowly as he plays with his off-white teeth, leaving me little bites that sting. His tongue seems to melt in my mouth, I love the way it swirls around mine.

"So we have a secret now." He says, after slowly pulling away from me.

"Really?" I ask again.

Heeseung grabs my cheek again, this time though, he uses his thumb to pull the corner of my mouth, then does the same with his other hand on the other side.

"Show me tongue." He's ordering me to, it's obvious.

I have no idea where my dignity has gone, but it probably went completely astray after the kiss. I do it, in front of him, but I can't look at him in the process, it's too embarrassing.

"You are obedient… with other as well?"

I don't answer; I don't have to.

He sneers. "Then you really are. Is it because you like fucking so much?"

But what does he do? Does he just start saying things like that like it's nothing? Although I could catch a better glimpse of his character, I didn't make him one for dirty language in bed.

"Answer. Do you like it, fucking?" He asks, leaving the corners of my mouth to grasp my tongue with his index finger and thumb.

I look at him, this time, he reciprocates. "I love it."

He opens his lips, almost not expecting it, then closes his eyes for a second, smiling contentedly.

"Who fucked you better between the two of them?"

Why does everything have to be a competition? I've been with different people who had different approaches, equally valid, I really don't want to answer that question.

I bite his fingers, forcing him to remove from my mouth. "Both of them."

Heeseung laughs. "You're lying again." He says this by taking the same fingers with which he has been holding my mouth as he licks them.

Okay, okay, let's calm down. I said let's calm down.

"Why don't you want to tell me? We would have another secret. Don't you want another secret to share with me?" He says this by pushing the two offending fingers back into my mouth, and it is spontaneous for me to let him do it.

My saliva is mixing with his and I don't feel the slightest disgust. Although I suppose I would have been more excited if I hadn't realized that the one in front of me is deranged.

"I don't think I should trust you."

"Then it's true that you are awake."

Yes, that's right. Say it louder!

"It doesn't matter, I already know what you would have said anyway. - He says, taking me in his arms like a princess, unexpectedly. - I'm sure it's Jay."

I swallow, upset. "Jake is good, too."

"But it was better with Jay, wasn't it? - He continues quietly, dropping me on the big couch in the living room, while up, from above, he starts unbuttoning his jeans. - You like him because he seems to care about you, besides the fact that you liked him before, right? Since you think he is sincere, you feel more attached to him."

I swallow again, he's bothering me again. "You don't know anything at all!"

"One thing I know - he smiles, looking at me as he slowly lowers his pants, enough to expose the lump hidden under his black underwear - after today, you will no longer have any doubts about who fucked you better."

If you start out with this premise, dear Heeseung, perhaps you have no idea how good your companions really are. I don't doubt that you may have your own style, but they were just too good.

"Aren't you going to undress?" He asks me, surprised.

"I'm waiting for you to do it." I answer boldly, but I should stop him instead. Why dont I stop him?

It amuses him, but he'd rather be the first to get comfortable. "That's fine with me, too."

He grabs me by the hips, forcing my back to him. I rest my palms on the back of the couch as I feel him lift the folds of my skirt and then rest his large palm on a buttock, I have a shiver running through me from the tips of my toes to the last millimeter of my hair.

"Wow, it's so round." He comments, kneading it.

"S-Stop it!" I stammer, like an idiot, completely embarrassed.

I don't understand how I can be so awkward around him, when last night I was practically about to attack Jake. Is the fact that I like both dominating and being dominated, or do I just not have a personality? The last one would explain a lot.

Or maybe, it depends on the person in front of me.

"Why? Are you not enjoying it? - He asks, leaning his 'presence' in between. - Yet your panties - says, slipping a finger between my skin and the thin fabric of my panties - are soaked, how embarrassing."

I can't take it, it's too embarrassing, I'm not used to hearing him talk like this, honestly. My muscles are trembling because of a strange adrenaline coursing through my veins, yet I feel helpless, I feel like I am from the start completely at the mercy of his desires, and since he doesn't inspire me any trust, this makes me apprehensive.

Slipping a finger in, I gasp.

"Come on, don't pretend." He tells me, in an amused tone.

I hold back yet another groan, playing his game, but feeling mortified soon after. "What?"

"You mean to tell me you moan like that for one finger? Then what are you going to do with two…" He says it, he does.

Then he starts moving his hand faster and faster. I can't help plugging my mouth, closing my eyes in fright. He goes fast and makes me gasp, but I don't want to do it, I don't want him to make fun of me, I don't understand what's happening to me. I cling to the couch as his beat has begun to go too fast for me to contain my breathing. I feel my fingernails scratching the faux leather of the sofa as my back arches more and more, facilitating his movement.

"Go…go…slower!" I try to say, between groans.

Laughing, behind my back, he laughs again. "Are you pretending to be shy? Then you'll make me angry…"

How does his voice, with such sweet notes, sound so warm at this moment? I want to make him angrier, I admit, but if I asked him to slow down it's because I really need to get used to this speed, to the thickness of his five fingers, which 'definitely' aren't but seem to be.

"Slower!" I say, before letting out a yelp that I stifle with both hands as he continues to increase his speed.

"Why? It's only three fingers."

Really? I turn around with difficulty, although I'm practically bent over in front of him, looking at him to make sure his expression isn't sarcastic as usual.

"Do you really think I'm using my whole hand?" He asks, pulling them out; they are all but thumb and little finger, and all three are completely covered with my humors. He shows it to me, and I feel really stupid.

Not because I thought it was the whole hand as much as because now he must surely be thinking that I did it on purpose, that I said it as a pretense, to pretend… better not say what. Why is doing it with him so degrading? And why, despite this, am I already enjoying it so much?

Meat is meat, but I'm not sure it's worth it with someone like him.

"Did I hurt you?" He then asks me, since I don't answer.

I sit in front of him, not sure I want to go on, despite everything. "You'd make fun of me anyway, if I said yes."

He is surprised, I see him lift his chin uneasily as he looks away in annoyance.

"Answer."

"No…" I lie, sighing wearily.

"Are you sure? - Don't act worried, Heeseung. - It seemed-"

"I'm fine - I nod, not sure why, but I don't feel like seeing him worried, even if it weren't true. - We can continue if you want-"

But what does he do? Does he kneel down? Why is his gaze so focused? It's as if my body is being x-rayed, I can't move because of the anesthesia Heeseung seems to have given me. I could never move, as he looks at me like that, so intensely, I have chills.

"Even though I hurt you, you couldn't wait to continue, right? - He asks me in a whisper, stroking my abdomen with a finger, while his lips graze my groin and my skirt partially covers his face. - I'll help you heal."

"N-No! - I say instinctively, grabbing his head, finally managing to make contact with his hair and getting stuck for a moment. There is not a single reason why I should stop him, so why am I doing this? - Wait."

He doesn't give a shit, evidently, since his tongue has already found my other lips, the lower ones. Oh my God, there is no way I'm going to repeat something like that ever again in my life.

What is happening? It's as if an angel with cotton candy hair is abruptly leading me to heaven. It's so beautiful that I can't think of anything else.

First hell, and now heaven.

"Oh my God." I say, in italian, sinking my fingers into his hair.

Of course, he can't answer, I just feel him pushing between my legs to make me open them further. Why is he so good? Why does he put so much effort into it, if he is not the one enjoying it? I assumed that, in my position, I was the one who had to put they in the effort, and that's all.

"Lee Heeseung!" I seem to call out to him, he raises his head curiously and alarmed, finding me with a distraught, distressed expression.

"Ah…do you want to get right to it?" He asks, as his lips move in contact with my skin.

No need to answer, I push him back against me, panting more confidently as he hastily leads me down the path of pleasure.

"Mamma mia…" I say, nonchalant.

"AH!" Shouts Ester, who I can see is standing exactly in front of us.

"AAAH!" I shout back, surprised.

"AH!" Heeseung also joins us, who foolishly grabs onto my skirt to cover his face better.

I burst out laughing, Ester doesn't dare. "Please pretend that-"

"Omo, did my career just end?" He mutters between my thighs.

"No!" Rushes at us confused Ester, who then backs away.

I push Heeseung away, but he doesn't foul this time either, making himself look very prepared. "Mia carra (my dear) - improvises a terrible italian. - Nothing happened." He attempts denial.

Ester keeps shaking her hands in front of chest to reassure him but the idiot panics. "I won't say anything, really, but is it my turn next?" The red-haired girl asks with natural spontaneity.

My jaw drops instantly, he smiles, what are you smiling at, you jerk?

"Anytime."

I let them flirt through as I adjust my clothes, what a situation.

"Rest assured, I'm not telling anyone seriously." She reassures him.

Heeseung looks at her for a few seconds in silence, he's thinking about something, then gives a big smile and goes back to pretending. "Thank you so much! Mia carrrra!"

"I just came back for the phone - she explains, visibly nervous and undecided about what where or when to look, often to all these things the answer is Heeseung's chest. - Please stop speaking italian, it's horrible."

"Yah! Are all foreign fans like you? I was making an effort."

"First - Ester says, taking her phone from the kitchen counter - call me noona, second…is that what you were talking about?" She asks me.

The giggle that escapes my lips sounds damn fake. "What? What are you talking about?"

"Don't tell lies, you can't - she advises, waving as she sets off - have fun. See you soon."

"I like her." He nods, saying it as soon as Ester has closed the door.

"I know, I'd like to be with her if I were a man."

"You could have any woman and you would choose your best friend?"

"What's that got to do with it? Are you stupid?"

We continue bickering for a few handfuls of seconds before his phone rings, interrupting the mood. I guess that's how it ends, but I can't say it went badly.

"What are you doing?" He asks, seeing me get up.

I look at him surprised. "Huh?"

"Are you done, by any chance? - He looks resentful. - Is everything okay since you're done?"

I cover my mouth as a soft laugh escapes naturally. "I'm sorry… do I look like I'm done?"

"Ah, aren't you finished?!" He continues, further outraged.

I pause to observe him for a few seconds, I don't know why but I get the impression that this reaction is genuine, and it's strange, because it's the first time I've sensed it really. He notices that I'm staring at him, but he doesn't say anything, on the contrary he shifts his gaze suddenly embarrassed.

"We should go home." I advise, as he re-buttons his tight jeans with obvious difficulty.

"It's okay, I don't care."

"Don't be like that, I'm pretty tired. Too many emotions today." I further explain, picking up two packets of my favorite ramen noodles to put on the stove.

"Shall we eat here?" He asks me though.

"Do you find it comfortable? We can do that."

Why am I acting like this? Why am I humoring him? Why do I seem to feel a protective desire toward him? I also feel that behind his goliardia is just a little boy, perhaps one too gifted to know how to handle. Despite this, I also get the impression that he might stab me at any time, in whatever sense you want to interpret it, once again.

"Which… - I see him approaching restlessly. - Which one are you cooking?"

"A rather spicy one, that should do." I say, without looking at him, too busy at the stove.

He sits on the stool at the kitchen island, leaning on his palms. "You know a lot about me, don't you?"

"I know a lot about all of you."

"But I bet you know more about me."

"You're wrong - I reply, turning away - I'm not that kind of fan."

"Why do you keep rejecting me? Yet I'm so nice to you. - He sighs and pouts. - Why are you mad at me, by any chance?"

"Because…"

You don't look real, get it?

I put some condiments on the table, fortunately Ester has become perfectly accustomed to korean cuisine, so I don't have any big problems. Having plated the ramen, Heeseung looks like a child looking around with natural curiosity, or like a wild animal observing its environment with natural fear: a deer, indeed.

"Aren't you going to answer?" He asks, although his gaze is completely focused on the bowl where I have collected all the ramen, which I place in the center of the surface, amidst the condiments.

"Why should I?" I feign mystery as I sit across from him.

"Thank you for the food!" He gives thanks, picking up his chopsticks and looking at the dishes in front of him with that splendid smile, despite the fact that they are objectively nothing much.

"Make yourself at home."

"I will."

The meal begins quietly, Heeseung is too focused on the food, me on him, who is awkward and spontaneous as he stuffs his mouth, who smiles sincerely when he has finished scooping a mouthful of ramen into his wide, lovely mouth.

"I like this brand, but I've eaten it a few times."

"How come?"

"This is a poor's brand."

Completely surprised by his statement, I stand still for a moment. "Oh yeah? I thought you liked the mini-market stuff." I explain, justifying my reaction.

Heeseung remains staring at me in silence, for the umpteenth time, I blatantly uncomfortable cough. "No, I like expensive brands."

"I should have guessed."

"When you try those kinds of products - he says, putting a pile of enoki mushrooms in my bowl - it's hard to go back to liking that stuff. - It makes sense, I realize, but I'm still confused that he would give me such thoughtfulness. - What are you thinking about? I don't like enoki mushrooms."

"Ah - I exclaim now with clearer ideas, picking up some of them - that's fine. I like them."

Lunch continues in a strange silence for a few seconds, then I see him pick up the bowl with both hands, to drink the broth. This spontaneously makes me smile, because it is very honest behavior, though not exactly approved by occidental etiquette.

"Glad the meal was to your liking, Lee Heeseung."

"Don't be so formal." He feigns shyness.

I smile again, unable to stop. "Do you want to eat this too?"

"No, if I get fat you will buy Jay's giant poster. I'm doing you a favor - he laughs, satisfied, then looks at my plate - but why aren't you eating anything? Don't tell me it's really because of me? Sunghoon's?"

"No - I wipe away all his doubts with my hand, relaxed - it's just that I haven't gotten used to all this yet. My stomach is completely shut down."

"Even the first night, you decided what to order but ate almost nothing, instead you just drank. Are you an alcoholic? I imagine less attractive alcoholics."

I really like this atmosphere, it feels so spontaneous. Heeseung has a sweet voice, it's nice to hear him talk, I imagine I could do it for hours and it's amazing to be in front of him while he simply exists. The feelings since we left home have changed so many times that I feel a tornado of emotions inside me.

"Could I be?" I ask, feigning thoughtfulness.

"Really you should-"

Getting up before I can finish the sentence, he freezes, in turn. "Shall we go? We're in the middle of the date now."

In the end, Heeseung is very different from how he introduced himself, almost giving me the impression that he is calmer than he wants to appear. His company is pleasant, and strangely he is not so annoying, yet he still doesn't convince me. But why?

"What if we order takeout and simply go home?" He asks me, after evidently thinking about it for a long time.

"Why?"

He looks at me, not answering.

"No, I told you I'm retiring. I'm tired."

Wait, Amanda, are you rejecting Lee Heeseung? And when did we agree to that? What exactly is going on?

"What?" He asks, but I wonder too.

"I don't… I don't feel like it, but we can play, though. I'm taking the laptop for that."

He looks at me again, then sketches a confused half-smile. "Ok, let's do it."

Oh no, I get it! Your tactic is much more devious, Amanda.

NEXT CHATPER:

TRAILER:

[invisibleicewands]

Hello! Here's a fan of your reviews again (they are really great)

Would you mind giving your opinion on Nye, please? I def need your insight on it!

Hi, Anon!

Thank you for your trust, I'm feeling a responsibility on my shoulders now... I'll try to do my best to deserve it, since you appreciate them.

It's not easy for me to write a 'review' about Nye tbh, because there's a lot to unpack and I am terribly slow in finding the right words for this kind of posts (proof is I'm replying only now).

Anyway.

First, I must tell you that my impression may be influenced by the lack of experience and culture in theatre and plays in general. Nevertheless, I think I'm not wrong if I dare to say that "Nye" may be considered a masterpiece. For the theme, the meanings, the perfect execution of all the cast, the writing, the visual impact of the lighting designs, the choreography, the tricks and the original technical solutions with the props on the stage, as well as the rollercoaster of emotions during the entire show. It's all amazing, all perfectly synchronized like the gears of a clock, a real wonder for the view.

The storytelling is neat and well built, the direction is fluid, meaningful flashbacks of the past alternated with the present ones, touching moments balanced with songs and dances, lighter jokes and deep thoughts. There's rhythm, there's a bit of drama and a bit of musical, sadness and happiness, cruelty and compassion; there's speed of execution but also time to breath, to reflect, not a single wasted moment. A perfect team job, a well oiled machine that runs full power for about 2 hours 30.

The actors are really all exceptional, professional, tireless, talented and admirable in their roles. I loved the precision of every movement, the perfect timing of their steps, the expressions, the attention on every little gesture, the care for the detail.

A mention for the performances of some of the supporter actors, excellent, well trained and at their best, who know how to stay on a stage and fully entertain the audience.

Sharon Small (Jennie), with her grit, her grace, her versatility, her patience (when she stays still in the background for minutes, wow), is perfect in portraying this special modern woman: strong, intelligent, nonconformist, but also romantic and soft.

Roger Evans (Archie), Nye's best friend, eternally loyal and protective, sometimes even jealous of Jennie: always on point, a reliable presence in every scene.

Tony Jayawardena (Churchill), with his impressive figure, as Nye's opponent and his doctor, crafty but funny at the same time, and... a very flexible dancer.

And then, obviously, him.

Last but not least: Michael Sheen.

Monumental. Powerful, in his presence on the stage. Inspired, with his long speeches. Ecstatic, during his vivid crazy dreams. Mesmerising. A natural born orator in a play which is his perfect environment. A driving force. He's not just playing a character. He's living an ambition, a mission, that represents the core of all the values, the qualities, the feelings and the things he loves more and ​​in which he recognizes himself. He put his body and soul in this portrait, he cried and laughed, relentless, passionately, he bore the weight of an incredibly high emotional stress for months (all those rehearsals, every day, two times a day sometimes), showing an energy and an unimaginable stamina.

You can understand why he deeply felt this project: he fully believes in its message, and I sense there's also a lot of personal in it, emotions, situations that somehow belong to him. Nye, generous, crazy dreamers, fragile, stubborn, silly, irritating, strong, moving: he perfectly painted all these nuances, because they are also part of himself.

I could also add that some scenes reminded me others he already played in previous works (MoS, H.G. Wells, Dirty Filthy Love, The Passion), but maybe I'll keep these parallels for another post, since this is already too long. It's like there's almost a pattern in the choice of his characters, a little hint that he has a soft spot for some topics, definitely very important for him.

The same for other scenes that really impressed/touched me, but that would take too time to be discussed here.

It was an incredible show to put together, made with hard work, imagination, heart and dedication. To share a story and a message true for many people and different generations, in every eras. For those countries that have a NHS and for the ones that have not. To show how difficult but essential is to fight for the rights, against the social injustice but not only, to care about our families and the others. And affirming that making politics doesn't mean just balancing the books, but giving dignity to the people. This is how the politics becomes a real noble thing.

A huge effort, a great play, a deserved success. A necessary reminder.

(And now, after using too many adjectives, like Nye it's time to expand my vocabulary and find more synonyms.)

[ddejavvu]

Exterminator!Eddie on his first week of training with his uncle, comes to your house on his first sole job. And after thinking he got rid of all the snakes, you literally get bit. And he has to suck the venom out your bare skin, while you’re both panickedly freaking the fuck out, as he’s sucking at you. What a way to meet cute

today is multiverse monday! send me any au you can think of :)

this ask is so special to me bc i am an avid fan of billy the exterminator and eddie is.. that. so. <3 also, a little psa for you all: every bit of research that i did on this method states that you should not suck the venom out of a snake bite because, of course, then there will be venom in your mouth. and you do not want venom in your mouth. snake venom is also apparently very fast-acting, so it does irreparable damage no matter how fast you get to suckin'. so bottom line. don't suck snake venom out of a bite. but for the sake of the silly little meet cute fanfiction, we're just going to pretend that it would work and it wouldn't kill eddie too <3

--

Eddie's maybe not the best exterminator in the world. Hell, maybe he's not even a good one, seeing as your arm is bleeding, and the skin around it is already rashing up.

"Holy shit," He stomps the snake's head beneath his boot, not enough to kill it but enough to restrain it, "Oh- oh my god, holy shit, you're- okay! Okay, you're fine, it's gonna be fine."

"It hurts," You whimper, tears welling up at the corners of your eyes, "Like- like really bad, are these snakes poisonous?"

"Venomous," He mumbles, reflex from his extensive (read: one week long) training, "Uh, yeah. So..."

He's apparently an even worse problem solver than he is an exterminator. You finally let your tears flow, chest heaving with sobs, "Do something!"

"Yeah! Yeah, okay," He nods, reaching out to grab you by your good arm while keeping the toe of his boot firmly against the snake's head, "C'mere."

An extensive knowledge of adventure movies gives him the perfect solution: he'll suck the venom out.

"Uh," He doesn't quite know how to go about sucking on your arm, so he directs his wide-eyed, panicked gaze to your own one, riddled with despair, "I'm gonna suck it out, okay?"

"What?" You blubber, spit clogging between your teeth.

"I'm gonna suck it out," He repeats, smoothing his thumb over your wrist, "it's okay, honey. It'll be fine. You'll live."

Now that the snake is contained, albeit not well, he's starting to come down from the panic that inflated his lungs. He's not fantastic in a crisis, but his semi-soothing words seem to help minutely, if only to get you to offer your arm up to him.

"Okay," He hums, nervous, "So I'll just..."

His lips hit your arm and turn down into a grimace at the heated skin. You feel sick, and he purses his lips around your bloody bite.

Sucking snake venom out of an open wound is... less than pleasant. But he gets a flash through his mind, an image of himself, chunky boot restraining a killer snake, fantasty-style damsel in distress clutched in his arms as he sucks poison out of her body. The fearless fighter, rather than the shitty exterminator. He only feels slightly bad about transforming what's probably the scariest moment of your life into his fantasy sequence.

He's sure, though, that the scene doesn't look as badass to Wayne, who, after hearing no response from knocking at your front door, stepped inside to check on his nephew. He stops dead in the doorway, finding his boy... sucking on your arm? And a fat tear rolls down your cheek as Eddie rips his mouth away from your skin.

He spits, urgent and messy, right into your carpet. There's a list of questionable things Eddie has done while on duty today, and it's only growing longer with time. His glob of spit comes out tinged green, and he shudders thinking about residue left against the tissue of his cheeks. He needs water, now.

"Wayne," He catches sight of the man in the doorway, frozen still, "Snake bite. Call 911."

He leans down to grab the snake beneath his boot, fingers pinching its neck just like he's been taught. He keeps the thrashing creature at his side as he marches over to duck his head under your kitchen faucet, rinsing and spitting ten times just to get the taste of blood out of his mouth.

Your sniffling brings Wayne out of his shell-shocked trance, and he looks away from where Eddie is gulping down water, "Uh, the phone?"

"There," You raise a shaky arm, your non-bloody one, to point at a wall mounted phone, "Am I gonna be okay?"

"You'll live." Wayne grunts, squeezing your shoulder as he lumbers past you to the phone, "Don't stress, kiddo."

Neither of the Munson men are especially proficient in comforting words, you suppose. But Eddie stalks back across the house to stand beside you, brandishing the snake in his hand that you shy away from.

"If you want," Eddie pants, water dribbling down his cheek, "I'll fling him for you. Like, into the fuckin' sun. I'm so sorry, Y/N, I really thought they were gone."

"it's okay," You sniffle rubbing at your tear-stained cheek with your clean hand, "I did, too."

"Gimme that," Wayne scoffs, yanking the snake away from Eddie's iron grip and wrestling him into a bucket, lid punctured with breathing holes, "Don't torment her."

"I'm not! I said I'd fling it," Eddie huffs, free hands now reaching for your injured arm, "Are you okay? Like, besides the snake bite."

"Yeah," You breathe, lungs empty and full at the same time, "Uh it- it hurts. But I'll be okay?"

"For sure," Eddie nods, his curls flying beneath his bandana, "They've got antidotes. You'll probably be home again before dinner. And I'll do another sweep," He looks down, sheepish, "Just in case."

"Thank you," You whimper, the soft, warm touch of his fingers on your arm comforting, "Could you ride in the ambulance with me?"

His eyes go wide, "You want me to?"

"Please," You urge, "I'm scared. And you know about this stuff; about snake bites. I need someone who knows what they're saying to tell me I'm not gonna die."

"Yeah," Eddie nods, breathless, "Yeah, I'll ride with you. Oh! And, uh, you're not gonna die."

"Thanks," You break into a smile, although it's muddled by the tears in your eyes and the quake in your voice, "Y'know, you're a shit exterminator, but you seem like a nice guy."

Wayne doesn't give Eddie a chance to laugh at your quip, piping in with a snort, "Yeah, I don't think he'll be taking over the family business anytime soon."

[rust-painted-fingers]

Day 4 ... Revival

"—swear to god if i have to bust another cemetery I'm giving up on humans, why do we even have so many nerves?"

A blink and the world came to focus.

Pacing back and forth wildly, the owner of the voice continued his tirade. It was… weird. Blond hair, pale skin, even his nose is small and narrow.

"Rex, you're my only companion left, so I'll let you do the honors of pecking my body away. I can't have my body getting reani— holy shit!"

The man startled as they locked eyes, and a blur of feathers fell. A crow, Rex? was sitting on the man's shoulders. Curiously, the feathers didn't have the usual gleam birds often do. There was even a bald spot peeking out behind the bird's back.

A cough. "Uh, hey mate, can you hear me?" The voice broke his eye contest with the bird. A nervous smile rested on the man.

"Do you think you can like, shake your head? Or even blink, I don't know if I got the lids right."

It was odd, and looking down didn't help matters. It seemed as though different grafts of skin were sewed together.

Eh, beggars can't be choosers.

Techno spoke, interrupting the man babbling about ocular nerves, "Hello, how long will this body last?"

The man blinked, before scrunching his face in laughter. "Wait what the fuck?"

"I mean, you obviously don't have much skill in creation— "

"Hey!"

"— so apologies if I don't trust your work to last me more than a week," Techno finished, idly inspecting his fingers.

The blond huffed, "Ok, so you're pretty familiar with life, which technicallly means I failed but providing a working body is a start. Now I just have to figure out…" Out of nowhere a journal appeared, and the man started scribbling and mumbling at it.

Well that's useful.

Techno quickly tested his mobility. A quick hop deduced this body would be limited to walking only. Five steps later and Techno yoinked the journal away from the scientist.

Ignoring his exclamation, Techno repeated, "How long will this body last?"

"I don't know, maybe a week or two. I tried gathering all the materials in the same time frame but I had to store some for longer," the scientist huffed, refusing to attempt to reach the journal over his head. "Why are you conscious anyways? I would of thought you'd gain the same sentience as a newborn, if at all."

"Hmm, that sounds like a reasonable hypothesis," Techno said, now flipping through the pages, "Unfortunately for you, I am not the result of creation, but possession."

Glancing over the journal, Techno saw blue eyes widen before the journal was snatched from him. That's fine, he already saw what he needed.

"The fuck? So you're telling me your spirit was just wandering and happened to find us at the perfect time?" Even with the journal back in the original's arms, he didn't look away from his pieced together body.

"Yep."

"What the fuck. Brexit, are you actually the fucking queen?" At this he directed the statement to the crow, who supposedly was reanimated in a similar manner.

"You named your pet bird Brexit?"

"I usually call him Rex," he said distractedly, inspecting the bird closely as if he could sense souls, which he couldn't. Not if he couldn't sense Techno.

Techno looked away, more interested in his surroundings. It was pretty inviting, all things considered. It looked like someone's revamped shed, a few garden tools and pots stored in a corner. Opposite that sat a shelf holding several solutions of varying colors, some vials full of eye balls or fingers. Normal shed stuff.

Two weeks of walking, not even in daylight with this amount of stitching, and after it would be back to wondering in nothing.

"Hey how easily can you get me a body."

The scientist looked up from Brexit, "You want another?"

"You said it wouldn't last."

"Yeah, and so would any future ones I make. Flesh is gonna decompose mate."

Techno snorted. "You're telling me you're ok with murder but some kidnapping is too much?"

"Excuse you, I got these bodies by unethically grave robbing," the other quipped. "Can't you just possess someone else? You can walk now."

"Two things: who in their right mind would talk to me looking like this?" Techno put up another finger, "Two, what's your name? I can't be a partner in crime with a nobody."

"I think it's rather beneficial to partner with a nobody, but you can call me Phil. You?"

He would have grinned if he wasn't worried about his teeth falling out, "Techno."

[aikaterini-drag]

Chapter 9 Cuddles

Chapter summary: Grace and Bucky have a quiet night, cuddling in the couch and making out.

Bucky Barnes x OFC

Warnings (this chap): Fluff, Kisses, Discussion of Emotions, Sexual Tension, Soft Bucky Barnes.

Find more chapters of the "Fading Scars" Series here ♡

Silver stars hung in the dark sky. The night was quiet and beautiful, with rays of the glittering moon passing through the windows. James lingered in a corner of the living room, pretending to read a newspaper. He watched Grace secretly, hesitant about whether to approach her or not. She was nestled on the couch, surrounded by plump cushions, paying attention to a music program on TV.

At times, she would sing along and she had such a calming voice that, for some reason, it made his chest vibrate. The softness of her voice held an inexplicable power as if it had the ability to soothe his restless soul. He stepped closer, his footsteps silent yet she still turned her head, her gaze meeting his, her song tapering off into the stillness.

"Sorry, was I singing too loudly?"

He swallowed thickly and replied, "No, you shouldn't have stopped..."

"Really?"

He hummed. "You have a beautiful voice."

"Thank you." A rosy blush crept across her cheeks, and she shifted on the couch, making room for him. "Don't stand there. Join me."

"Um... m-maybe... I d-don't know..." he mumbled awkwardly, very deliberately not meeting her eyes.

Noticing his rather cute reluctance, she outstretched her hands. "Come over. Let's cuddle Sarge."

Her words lit a fire in him and the next thing she felt was his warm body against her. As she positioned herself, he gathered her into his embrace, his arms enveloping her in a protective hold. She snuggled up against him, chest to chest, burying her head in the crook of his neck. She smiled and her my eyes for a second, silently inhaling and exhaling his natural musk.

James moaned in contempt, marveling at the way her body fit against his, her warmth seeping into his very being. She affected him in more ways than one, and it was beginning to scare him. Thoughts danced in his mind, the stark contrast between their worlds a reminder of the darkness he carried within. She was a beacon of light, delicate and precious, while he was a tempest of shadows and violence.

They were so different.

She was soft and scared of violence, while he had spent decades killing people for sport.

He could never truly have her yet... a part of him, the greedy part in him yearned to hold her, to feel her; even for a few greedy moments, even for these days they would spend together. She was the only ray of sunshine setting alight his black life, the only person willing to face him as an equal.

"Tighter," she said, shaking off his thoughts.

"What?"

"Hug me tighter." She raised her head and kissed his cheek. "You aren't going to break me."

"I kind of did... back then, when I was the Winter Soldier... you bore the bruises, the pain—"

"You weren't yourself. I thought we settled that," she said while playing idly with the fabric of his shirt.

"I still have a metal arm. I need to be careful."

"You are brave and strong," Grace began, "qualities I wish I possessed more of. I often feel like I bring nothing but trouble."

"Don't say that."

"But it's true... I can barely handle watching a fight without falling apart."

"You're not weak. There's a different kind of power in you; kindness, a rare quality in this world." And as for violence, you can simply close your eyes and stop watching."

She frowned adorably. "Close my eyes? Isn't that weird?"

A small smile tugged at his lips. "I think it's a perfect solution. Violence can't harm you if you're not looking."

"Alright, I'll give it a try," she said and felt his breath hitch at her words.

"You will never witness anything that will stress you out. Never again."

"I'm confident you'll be there to protect me. Just as I'll be here to chase away the nightmares that haunt you."

"No one can save me from Hydra..." he muttered. "I must be careful, very careful because if I accidentally get brainwashed again, and god forbid, I do something to you—"

"Stop," she said, her voice rising proudly. "Make positive thoughts. Don't draw the darkness. Hydra can not control you. You're long immune to their sick ways."

"I hope you're right. I don't want you to be hurt..." he said and buried his face in her shoulder, inhaling her sweet scent.

"You underestimate yourself. You won't hurt me or anyone else. With time, I'm sure you'll learn to release the blame you've carried for far too long."

He looked up at her aghast and when she smiled, she was so sweet, causing his heart to thud so loudly he feared she might hear it.

"How do you always manage to make me speechless with those words of yours?"

"Hmm... Maybe because I can only think of you and the way you hold me with your strong hands."

"You're the only one who thinks of me like that," he replied, pressing a tender kiss to the tip of her nose.

"Does that mean I'm unique?"

A soft hum escaped him, a barely audible affirmation, followed by a gentle brush of his lips at the corner of her mouth. Her lips were moist and warm against his own. He tightened his hold on her and inhaled sharply, all the sounds around them fading. She moaned happily and curled into him more comfortably, leaning up to kiss him deeper.

"You are unique," he whispered into her mouth, his fleshly thumb caressing her cheek.

"Ah, the classic sweet talk," she playfully teased, peppering kisses along his jawline.

"Flirting, I believe they call it flirting," he chuckled softly. "Though I suppose I am a bit old-fashioned."

"Well... you're old school, but I happen to really like that." Her curiosity got the best of her. "So, when was the last time you... well, you know, were intimate with someone?"

A thoughtful pause and he finally replied, "During World War 2, I believe. It was actually a double date, with Steve and Peggy. Stark Expo, if I remember correctly."

"Ah, inseparable best friends, I see."

He nodded. "Steve is one of a kind. He was—is my best friend, my family. And he's the only man to have taken the serum and remain the same. Brave. Virtuous. Untainted."

She raised an eyebrow. "He's not the only one! You've taken the serum too, and you're the one and only Sergeant James Bucky Barnes."

"I have a past—"

"Your past doesn't define you," she interjected firmly. "What Hydra did to you is not a reflection of your true self. You're not a killing machine. You have feelings. Don't degrade yourself. If you do, I might just have to deliver a friendly punch to that handsome face of yours."

His laughter rang out, a melody of genuine amusement. "I thought you couldn't stand violence."

She grinned mischievously. "I can't watch it, but I can inflict it. And besides, you're a super soldier. A little punch won't hurt."

He chuckled, a warmth spreading through his chest. "I'll try to do better. Alright?"

"You've almost convinced me."

He raised a brow. "Almost?"

"Hmm... you need to give me more kisses, Sergeant."

He chuckled. "I believe your intentions are to thoroughly take advantage of me."

"Are you complaining? I'm gonna leave then," she attempted to squirm away but he drew her onto him.

"I'm not letting you go that easily."

She feigned a mock pout. "And what are we supposed to do now?"

"Do you want to spend the rest of the night with this old man, kissing and occasionally watching TV?"

A soft smile tugged at her lips. "I'd be more than happy to—"

The rest of her words melted when he kissed her, a warm sensation buzzing inside her. Her arms snaked around his neck as his tongue traced the seam of her lips, seeking entry. With a soft sigh of surrender, she welcomed him, their mouths melding in a passionate dance. She molded herself against his chest, fingers tracing gentle patterns on his back. All the sounds died out as their connection deepened, the television utterly forgotten.

[haruharuz]

2 Week Reevaluation

Until I've achieved near perfection, every two weeks I will be doing a reevaluation of my behaviors and goals and adjusting them as needed. Going into 2023 with high hopes, i started January strong and then basically fell flat on my face.

Luckily I've began to pinpoint a large part of why I essentially failed thus far. The first point being that I need a desk. I don't have one so I sit at a small table when I can. Since I don't have a proper place to do work at, the majority of my studies have come to an almost complete halt!

Next, I need to begin placing my alarm away from my body every morning and I have to have an exact routine to follow from now on. Without morning routine, my day does not start off well.

These are two very specific changes that I am POSITIVE will influence me well. Now, can I get a desk right now...? Eh.. It may not be the best idea! So instead I'm putting money away bit by bit for it. HOWEVER! I will be getting a desk ALTERNATIVE <3

I have no shame, I am very quick to try new things when it comes to me and my progress so I'll be using a pop up table :3

Other notes:

my closet needs to be reorganized! Like. ASAP! All of my drawers do too

buying another walmart temporary solution fo rmy clothing to help become more organized

one new work outfit! I got out of my comfort zone and worked at a new club, so I'm spoiling myself with a new outfit

I need to get better at makeup so I'll be finding some looks to try out and learning better application techniques

reorganizing my grocery budget COMPLETELY ! Spending way too much money doing so

Next week is plasma donation start! :D LETS GOOOOo

I'm slowly becoming better at pole and working on floorwork and flexibility as well. I feel like a new outfit and maybe shoes soon would be perfect to keep me motivated.

Rewards:

one new outfit $20 or under

new concealer

while a lot of my goals are either not met or not started, i'm sure that i can push myself to reach them anyways! I'm going to make myself go to the club tomorrow that i'm a little unfamiliar with so that I can make some money or try it out at least

love youuuuuu see you guys again at the next reevaluation

[sweetofsin]

i have this thing where i get confused because i can be a bit hyper vigilant when it comes to connecting with other humans and especially romantic relationships because i've rarely seen great examples of that

and so it leads to me feeling like i rarely ever like peoples relationships or their partners cause i start noticing a lot of things where i'm like hm...

and one part of me is like, okay. overprotective mechanisms kicking in. you just want to care for your loved ones

and another part of me is like, conflict is normal, relationships aren't going to be perfect, not all traits will align similarly

but then ANOTHER part of me is like... y'all deserve better. and relationships don't have to be extreme abuse or as bad as your previous relationships in order for people to realize they deserve better

and i get it because i struggle with this at times too. like i won't actively be thinking it, but i've tolerated and put up with certain things because i'm like, well. this isn't THAT bad. like, at least we aren't screaming or yelling at each other. and i'll try to look at the positive traits and stuff of the relationship and really understand the person more to find ways to justify. but then when the connection ends and i look back, im like, hm. There's stuff i shouldn't have tolerated just because it wasn't as harmful as previous connections

but see this is where it gets confusing. because humans gonna human, animals gonna animal. yk? we all have our messy and complex ways. and expecting perfection can lead to misery and loneliness. so it's hard trying to find the line between, "i deserve better than this, i can receive better than this, and it's okay if this clearly is not aligned enough for me." vs. perfectionism (and hyper vigilance) where you're scanning for constant issues/problems. sigh

and then what also gets me is that multi-marginalized people are conditioned to be able to just accept and take crumbs from people. like god forbid we speak up for our needs and say, actually i need more of this and this isn't enough for me. and not coming from a place of greed or entitlement but simply recognizing your body and respecting what it needs. and finding people who are willing to compromise and act accordingly

i guess maybe the solution could be acknowledging what things are non-negotiables and what things are stuff where it's like, meh. this is annoying, but we're all annoying at times. i've been struggling with that balance of like wanting to communicate my needs/feelings whilst also giving people room to be themselves

(also trying to respect that it's different for everyone cause sometimes i hear people experience stuff and it makes me feel very angry. but to them, it's not that deep. although it could be due to them suppressing their emotions too, but i don't have any control over that and that's their autonomy)

i also think the issue with this is that due to me being conditioned to suppress my needs so much, i can end up slipping with boundaries in terms of things. also because sometimes i feel like maybe i am being too strict. maybe i can loosen up a little and adapt to the dynamic at hand. sigh. it doesn't happen that way with everyone but with some people, for sure

[leffee]

How Vinnie’s friends would maybe react to Vinnie saying “I’m cold”-

Pepper: "Ah, sounds like the weather's giving you the cold shoulder! But don't worry, I've got enough hot takes to warm us up!" *grins*

Zoe: "I may have something you can borrow, darling, but fair warning, it's all pink."

Russell: I told you it would be cold today. Why didn’t you bring a jacket? Don’t worry, I brought an extra just in case.

Penny: Oh, I feel bad that I don't have anything to offer, but.. I can give you a warm hug!"

Minka: come on Vinnie! Just keep moving like I am, and you'll be warm in no time!"

Sunil: Sunil: "Oh no, you're cold!? Here, take my sweatshirt. let's find somewhere warm to go right away. Until then, I'll share my body heat with you." *hugs Vinnie tightly*

Shahrukh: *silently pulls out an oversized hoodie and puts it over Vinnie* “Better?”

-Have this silly little thing- 🥶

Vinnie being cold is like literally my favourite thing ever (me about most of my headcanons about him). I know it's a thing people love giving their blorbos but but with him it actually makes sense, being canonically cold-blooded and all, I mean it's in the name! Instead of just admiring all those responses, let me give you Vinnie's replies :D

to Pepper: Ahaha, okay that's actually funny, good ones, Pepper. *After a while* Right, but I'm actually still cold

to Zoe: I literally do not care what color it is, I just want something to warm me up, gimmie

to Russell: *ok, hear me out, Vinnie didn't bring a jacket or anything on purpose because he likes wearing others' clothes too much and he knew Russell would most likely have an extra one, so yeah. Worse if Russell didn't actually bring an extra one, but since he did Vinnie is a happy boy*

to Penny: *yes! yes, who cares, give him a hug! It would be better if he could get it while wearing something warmer, but still, it's a hug! Might act a bit tsundere on the outside but still, he's completely happy with the result*

to Minka: Okay, o-okay, I'll t-try *he says while his teeth chatter, he does start moving and it works a bit but then he quickly gets tired from using so much of his precious energy that can be used to warming him up. Epic fail*

to Sunil: *oh yes, perfect, now there's that hug and something warmer to wear, exactly what he wanted, perfect solution, 10/10 yes yes he loves it and snuggles up to Sunil happily, totally worth it*

and finally his reply to Sharukh's response: *Would be better with some additional cuddles of course, but then again it is Sharukh's hoodie, so it's like super big, so it's still 10/10 for him* Yes, better, much better :]

Pls, this is literally the best trope ever, I could read/write about it over and over and over

[dancerofsong]

I'll eat you up one day

i stare at your soul and think of the body surrounding such an attractive aura, I don't know what i'm feeling but 7 months of heart ache takes a toll on mental health. but its going to be worth the wait, I can't wait for my movie ending of your arms holding me, I can't wait for you to see me for the first time, when will you see me. Please look at me. I'm the description of a pathetic desperate average looking girl. one who begs for the attention of the most toxic in an attempt to make up for all the attention denied from childhood. It's hard when you know the problem but not the solution. The tears from anger, the Tears from sadness, the tears of joy, the tears of confusion. I can't understand why you make me feel every emotion in this world and why won't you let me go. Let me be free let me stop loving you. but for now I slobber at your feet, and demand attention from the worst types of men. I see every imperfection, the stretch marks, the braces, the light acne of your face, the 5'4 with thick shoes, the little pouch at your stomach when you don't starve yourself for 3 months straight. I can't stop dreaming of your body. But the mind will NEVER be enough, I need physical evidence I keep as a prize. The prize of all the photos I keep in secret, all 300...

I feel trapped in your reign even if you don't know me, well you do but not in the way I want you to know me. When you see me you don't swoon, you look disgusted. you see the monster inside, you see the pathetic partner inside that no one else can see. I hide the loser inside with jokes but you're so special you see inside me. Yet you run away. You can't find my inner beauty because there is none. Just the tar of a rotting body. so fun right! to know a creature of the night is planning on stalking you for 2 years of your life. Till you leave me. Till you run away. You would switch schools if you had a glance at my mind. The inner curves of my brain, the neurons that transmit images of our love and your death. Ones of cute kisses and cuddles then one of your open guts spilled on my favorite outfit, one of a romantic dinner and one where you are my dinner. Do I love or lust you? Do I just not care at all? do I just want to force all my needs of affection on you, my bizarre idea of love i've developed in an attempt to comfort my own mental derangement. The prison of a mind I've developed from a lack of parental observation when being given an ipad at the age of 7. I see myself as forgettable when passed but traumatizing when known. The person outside and in are sadly both horrible. But maybe... one day... if I pray to God if I wish hard enough to I can force our love story to become my reality. I'll change my body my hair, get surgery, learn your hobbies and style. I'll FUCKING become you. I'll be your perfect type, support your desire for the military, support your skewed idea of women's rights, I'll get baptized so we can get married. I would kill for a glance, myself and others. Say my name, again and again till I fall asleep to the heavenly tones of your voice.Just love me back...

[terrymusicph]

Chemistry

We have this beautiful chemistry That puts science to shame Beyond comprehension Complicated

They wont understand no matter how hard they try Because you look so good, it's no lie You do something to the chemicals in my brain And don't get me started on my body language

No need for words, baby Let's find out in my room What it truly means to Make love so good

We have this beautiful chemistry And we'll keep it true You are my one, my only one And even if it takes one hand, it'll do

The city lights look so beautiful The perfect time to experiment Every last drop to the solution A dew of life put to test

Maybe it's time to go study I'll take note of every piece of your body You're sexy beyond control I'll find out what makes us so good together now