#maybe the first time in a while on a so obvious torture movie that i really felt bad for the friend group

[silhouetteonpaper]

Benched

Summary: You’re cut from participating in missons for the foreseeable future; the news was delivered by none other than your girlfriend, Natasha. The torturous break from Avenging seems to be unfair... until you hear the other perspective. Natasha Romanoff x Reader WC: 2,393 Warnings/Themes: Angst, fluff, gun use, killing, repressing memories

“I’m sorry?” You weren’t sure if you had heard Natasha’s words correctly; her serious tone didn’t match the saddened look on her face. She was standing across from you as you sat at the empty conference table, summoned only moments ago by the Widow herself.

“We’re benching you from missions until we feel you’re ready.” They didn’t sound any more real this time, either. Natasha, your mentor and girlfriend was telling you to sit the next few missions out. Actually, she was forcing you to sit every mission out for the foreseeable future. You were furious, but tried to keep composed as to not dig a deeper grave.

“Until you feel I’m ready? That’s subjective, how long will it take?” You questioned with crossed arms, your shoulders stuck by your ears out of defense. You’d never been like this around Nat; closed off, defensive, angry. She’d never needed to bar you from missions like this, so it was a first for the both of you.

“We feel your actions on the last mission require some time off.” She explained, noticing the unrelenting confused yet frustrated expression on your face. Natasha felt bad, she was only following the orders of her superiors. They believed that making her relay this information would soften the blow, but as your girlfriend it didn’t make it any easier.  “Look,” She walked around the table, sitting beside you. Her hand found your knee, a soft touch forcing you to unfurl your brows slightly. “This isn’t a punishment. We just want to make sure you’re okay mentally after what happened.”

She was referring to the events of yesterday's mission, something you had hoped would just get buried under the rug. It was supposed to be a simple interrogation; the team would press the target to find some confidential information. The only issue was that the target had a liking for pushing people’s buttons. His jabs were relentless, spitting insults about the people he’d killed like they were nothing.

You were only supposed to hold the gun to his head in a daunting, coercive way. So you did, for a while anyways—until he stated something you didn’t believe was humanly true.

“I don’t regret killing them.” His words had turned your blood to ice, the pointer finger stationed over the trigger shaking out of anger. He was talking about the people he killed to get close to the Avengers. Some of them being your family, the people you loved most. His greedy play was wiping pawns off the table, when in reality they were more than just objects. Natasha was originally reluctant to include you on this mission, due to your emotional connection. But this man had targeted many of the Avenger’s closest relatives, so if she benched you she’d have to bench everyone else.

It turned out she’d have to bench you anyways, as you broke protocol within seconds of his nasty comment. The gun echoed through the cellar you were all stationed in, the man suddenly going quiet as his head lolled to the side. The main source of intel for one of the biggest missions was dead. Everyone’s heads turned toward the responsible weapon; there you were, eyes wide with a smoking gun still held to his head.

After being escorted back to the compound between silent teammates, you locked yourself in your room for the night. Natasha tried to come in, knocking on your bedroom door every so often with tempting offers of cookies or movie nights, but you wouldn’t budge. The next morning, hushed whispers greeted you the second you entered the kitchen. It was obvious they were talking about you, but you couldn’t have cared less. You knew what you did was wrong, and were ready to move on. So, you acted like it didn’t happen.

Maybe that worried the team even more, especially Natasha. You weren’t one to move on from things so quick, especially considering the grudge you held for the man responsible for all that death. Breaking protocol like that and shooting an important hostage was even more out of character, you knew the importance of his intel. Running on impulse, especially in regard to your emotions was unusual, it would be for any trained agent.

But it all caught up with you, and clearly the team discussed a plan of action behind your back. They believed your slip up was more than just a mistake—that there was something deeper behind it. It was slightly offensive, seeing them assume you were emotionally inept that they didn’t even include you in the conversation. You didn’t even think hard enough on what happened to realize maybe they were right; instead you shoved it deep down inside. Now, the truth was facing you head-on, and there was no escaping it.

This isn’t a punishment? You repeated Natasha’s words in your head. It sure felt like one, your favorite thing in life being withheld like a kid getting their iPad taken away. Everyone knew how much your work meant to you, so why would they take away the one thing you loved doing? Besides, you felt fine mentally. The past was in the past, and you were ready to move forward.

“I’m fine, I swear. Please, Nat—don’t take me out of the running just because I made a mistake.” You pleaded, looking to her with a softened expression. The two of you were close, having been in an official relationship for months now. But this was uncharted territory, and the thread connecting you both was slipping as this new side of you was showing. It was her turn to become defensive as she withdrew her hand.

“A mistake? You killed our most important hostage! If you weren’t one of our top agents, Fury would’ve had you fired!” She was right, but you weren’t going to admit that. Instead you huffed, leaning back in your chair as your gaze found anywhere to look but at Natasha.

“I couldn’t let him get away with what he did.” You muttered, shaking your head. Natasha took a deep breath, concern slowly rising across her face. It was easy to see the hurt on your face, even without directly mentioning your family. They were your everything, and he killed them like they were nothing. But two wrongs don’t make a right, every agent knew that. You should’ve known that. And she didn’t want you to jeopardize your job—your passion, over your stubbornness. She leaned toward you slowly, her eyebrows lowering.

“See, this is what scares me. You knew we’d find justice eventually, but you could’t wait and it blew the entire mission.” Natasha spoke carefully, her words making your stomach churn. Scared?Blew the entire mission? Even for her, these were hasty conclusions to draw.

You crossed your arms again. “What are you insinuating?” To say you blew the entire mission was harsh, even if it was true. An agent would never blame another, not directly like this; especially when that agent was your girlfriend. You knew there was more to it, the ice hidden underneath her tone queued you in.

“That now your family will never get the justice they deserve.” Her words are like knives, stabbing straight into your heart. You weren’t sure if she was trying to break you, or if she truly felt this way. That your mistake cost the entire mission, one that was supposed to avenge your dead relatives. Your eyes went wide with shock, expression frozen as you processed the very words that left her lips. They weren’t coming from your girlfriend; the girl you loved would never say such a thing.

Natasha doesn’t flinch, yet unbeknownst to you she was heartbroken on the inside. You both felt like a stranger was standing opposite, your actions and her words causing a rift between the connection that was strong mere days ago. You were impatient, emotional, and couldn’t follow the stupid protocol, and now it may have cost your job and maybe even your girlfriend.

Your eyes narrowed, oozing with betrayal. “You don’t mean that.” Words softer than the hardened expression painting your face, you were almost speechless. Once again, Natasha left you questioning if what she said was actually true, or just a figment of your imagination.

She nodded once, slowly, like a predator bowing its head to prey. You were officially benched, and there was no arguing your way out of it.

—————-

2 weeks, 4 days, 1 hour, and 37 minutes had passed since you were forced to stay within the many walls of the compound. Not like anyone was counting, though. Although spacious and full of various forms of entertainment, the large facility made you feel restless after the first day. You grew bored, itching to get your hands on new cases or even old mission reports.

The quinjet was taunting you. Standing outside the large glass window, calling your name as you sat inside waiting for the go-ahead. But as the hours, days, and weeks passed, it never came. You hadn’t spoken to Natasha since the fight—only exchanging quick glances through narrowed eyes or inconspicuous expressions in passing. Instead, you bothered everyone else about it.

“No, you’re still on temp-leave,” someone would say. “Take some time to relax, focus on yourself.” More voices would eventually join in. It was unrelenting; the only ‘self-care’ you cared about was the one thing that genuinely made you happy: Avenging. But everyone was stuck following orders, keeping you locked inside the compound with your own self to blame.

When everyone left you alone at the compound to go on missions, It gave you time to reflect. You paced the halls replaying the mission over and over, eventually shaking your head as the memory morphed into the shape of your family. You didn’t want to think about them, so you simply filled your time with busywork in order to keep the hurt at bay.

After picking up a few new hobbies, discovering some newfound talents, and recovering old favorite pastimes, you still felt a hole where Avenging used to be. You missed it, and this time off was making you feel worse, if anything. On the 20th day, you built up the courage to talk with Natasha. She was tame the past few days, finally offering you the occasional smile when you made the team dinner, or handing you baked goods when she went on her usual coffee run.

Natasha was sitting in the empty living room, typing on her laptop as she glanced between the screen and some mission reports. “Hey,” you spoke softly, sitting down on the couch opposite of her. Her green eyes popped up, eyebrows lifting ever-so-slightly. You had her attention. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have belittled my actions that hurt other people, it was truly more than just a mistake and I feel terrible about it.” You were speaking truthfully, and Nat could tell; but she wasn’t satisfied.

Shutting her laptop, she stacked her work off to the side with full intrigue. “Tell me, have you thought about your parents during this time off?” She questioned. You swallowed thickly, immediately regretting your half-assed apology when there was more to it than just feeling bad about your actions. You hadn’t thought about your parents, mostly on purpose; and Natasha was hoping to get after exactly that.

“Look, love,” Her tone softened slightly, and the use of the nickname made you feel even the smallest bit more comfortable. She was still yours, and you were still hers, it was all just on hiatus for the moment—like your job. “This break wasn’t supposed to be time for you to feel bad about what you did. It was time for you to process what happened.” Natasha stood, moving to sit next to you as her words made the air catch in your lungs.

“You can’t change the fact your family has passed, and I need you to have a chance to grieve before we send you back onto the field.” To an average person, everything she was saying made sense. But the issue was, you didn’t want to pause and take the time to process what happened. You wanted to swallow it all and move on to whatever job would come next. But Natasha knew the dangers of that.

You took a deep breath, your gaze finding the floor. “I told you, Nat. I’m fine to go out onto the field. I’ve thought over everything and I feel ready.” You countered, eyes meeting hers as you really tried to convince her. She found your hand, gripping it tightly with both of hers.

“Then tell me exactly what he did to your parents.” Her words hit your chest like a boulder, all of the air you once had no longer existing as your breathing stopped. It was a test, and she knew you wouldn’t be able to answer without breaking down. And fortunately for her, it worked. Tears welled in your eyes, the flood of emotion hitting the wall you built in an attempt to avoid it. But it wasn’t strong enough this time, Natasha knew all the right buttons to push. You gave in, allowing each tear, each sob, to have a chance to see the light as you leaned into Natasha.

“That’s it.” She cooed, pulling you close into her shoulder. Her hands ran through your hair, offering a comforting touch you desperately missed. The person she loved dearly was slowly coming back, the agent who wasn’t just a stone-cold face ready to suppress all emotion in the name of work. Being an Avenger wasn’t just about being brave for others, it was about being your best self so you were capable of offering that support on the field. The entire time, you missed the true meaning of the hiatus.

But now, you were back on track. Natasha was glad to see you finally start the long road to processing your grief, and she’d be there the entire journey. You were grateful to have her, and suddenly even more grateful she gave you the time off in the first place. If you weren’t so naive and stubborn, maybe it would have been easier for you in the long run. But that didn’t matter, because with Natasha, time felt like it didn’t exist.

[madwomansapologist]

okay. i'm watching texas chainsaw massacre the beginning and.... dear lord. not scary, just so 🤢 i thought it would be the kind of movie where i would almost root for the villain but it's not the case. not a great movie, but it definitelly made me feel things

[ivegotyourbackbuddie]

Waiting for a scene where Buck and Eddie are discussing their dating woes at the station, and Buck jokes, “Maybe we should spare the Los Angeles population and just date each other.”

And while Eddie laughs it off, Hen swoops in to say, “No, I think you might be onto something.”

Eddie suddenly stops laughing as Buck goes, “Huh?”

“Why not just date each other?” Hen asks as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Chimney laughs, “Hell, you’re already practically a couple.”

And while Buck and Eddie stammer out no we’re not and it’s not like that. Chimney crosses his arms and looks at Buck. “What was it that you said to me and Maddie about how we were already a couple? Something about how ‘you always are talking and texting, you do karaoke together, you do buff-fridays together, and you finish each other’s sentences…’”

“You remember that with a shockingly high amount of detail,” Buck says to try to turn the conversation away from him.

“And Buck and I don’t do ‘Buff-Fridays’ together…”

“We do pasta and a movie with Chris,” Buck says, finishing Eddie’s sentence.

Hen and Chimney exchange a look.

Eddie frowns and says, “Okay, we do those things, but how are we any different from the two of you?”

Chimney deadpans, “When I first met Hen, I definitely didn’t want to sleep with her.”

“Hey! Maddie promised not to tell you that!”

“And she didn’t,” Chimney says with a smirk, “but you just confirmed my suspicions.”

Hen has the audacity to cackle while Buck and Eddie both shoot her a look which only spurs her on. She’s practically wheezing when she says, “You two are also practically co-parenting Christopher.”

“Which isn’t what people do when they’re dating. Sure, they can love my kid, but they can’t parent them. Now Buck is my best friend so he… he can… give him advice and help out…” Eddie argues weakly while Buck’s heart skips a beat because Eddie just practically said yes, Buck is a parent to Chris.

Finally Bobby joins the conversation to add, “You’re right. People who are casually dating usually don’t coparent a child. But people who are married do.”

This sends Chimney and Hen cackling while they gasp, “Oh my god. You guys aren’t just dating. You’re married.”

And before Eddie or Buck can argue with them, Ravi innocently asks, “But you guys broke up for a reason, right? I know you guys work great together, but getting back with your ex is usually a bad idea.”

Everyone just stares at him as Eddie defensively asks, “Since when did we ever date?”

And Ravi’s jaw drops as he answers, “I mean. When I joined the one-eighteen everyone said it was better to stay out of the whole Buck and Eddie thing and not ask questions. And someone told me about this fight in the middle of a grocery store which I thought meant a breakup but… oh god.”

Of course, Buck and Eddie can’t get a single word in as Hen, Chimney, and even Bobby start laughing as if it’s the funniest thing they’ve ever heard. The only thing that gets them to stop is when the bell rings, but even on the ride over, everyone - except Buck and Eddie - seem to have the giggles.

After the call, which is just a minor fender bender, everyone thankfully takes the advice given to Ravi and gives Buck and Eddie some space. But for the rest of the shift, the two just kind of stew in silence with their own thoughts.

At the end of the shift, everyone fleas from the locker area so Buck and Eddie are left alone. And after a few moments of torturous silence, Buck finally asks, “Why aren’t we dating?”

“Buck.”

“I mean they’re right. We’ve practically been dating this whole time - married even - just without the… physical stuff.”

Eddie just shrugs. “Physical stuff has ruined every relationship I’ve ever had.”

“It doesn’t have to.”

“But it has.” Eddie emphasizes his point by harshly shutting his locker and turning to Buck. “Why should I risk what you have with Chris - what you have with me - just for sex?”

“Because maybe it’s worth the risk. And maybe it wouldn’t be just sex. Eddie, you already have me. More than anyone else ever has. So why not date?”

“Buck…” Eddie trails off, endless emotions in that name.

Buck pushes on, stepping closer to him, “Give me one good reason why we shouldn’t try. And if you can’t give me a valid reason, then let me take you on a date.” Buck smiles softly. “I mean, we were already planning on getting breakfast in the morning. But this time I could pick you up and maybe hold your hand at the tabl-”

“Evan,” Eddie finally says which makes Buck’s heart drop. “Just… give me some time to think about it, okay?”

And Buck nods and holds his hands up while backing away. “Got it. Sorry for pushing. We can pretend it was a joke.” He tries not to look the way he feels - absolutely heartbroken.

Eddie just gives him a weak smile and grabs his things before heading toward the door only to stop in his tracks and walk to Buck. “Hey.”

Buck glances up at him, searching his expression for something.

Eddie grabs his shoulder, thumb resting above his collarbone. “We’re still good for breakfast tomorrow?”

Buck smiles and nods. “Yeah. Always.”

“Good,” Eddie states, lingering in the moment before his thumb moves slightly, caressing Buck’s collarbone for a moment before he steps away and leaves without another word.

Buck watches as he goes, placing his hand over where Eddie’s was. He can’t help but wonder if Eddie was testing the waters with that swipe of his thumb or trying to soothe Buck in his own way.

It’s only a few hours later when Buck can’t sleep that his phone lights up with a message from Eddie.

Let’s make it a date.

[nonuify]

Hiii I just read your top 3 kinks svt would have and it was so good! Made my brain go brrr 💦 Can I request a full one shot for Jeonghan with the corruption kink? Maybe smth with him corrupting his innocent, virgin gf? Thank youuu!

ᝰ.ᐟ ♟️ — Y.JH ; ! not so angelic

nsfw is included ! minors do not interact 18+. [ smut, fluff ] ꩜. | wc ; 1.1k.

“ when you & your boyfriend got in a heated make out session but he stopped knowing your a virgin. so you send him some not so innocent photos in work so he gets back & bends you over “

you & your lovely boyfriend jeonghan were watching a movie all cuddley together then suddenly you ended up on his lap making out, grinding on his crotch here in there. “ hannie please please let’s do it “ you pouted then went back to kiss him, he then stopped in his tracks to reply “ baby i know it’s just in the heat of the moment, i want our first to be special” he caressed your cheeks so lovingly “ but- “ you got cut off by him. “ trust me on this baby, cmon let’s go to back to watching the movie.”how dare he?

how dare he leaving you all hot & bothered like that. yes you were inexperienced but that didn’t meant you don’t have horny thoughts & it doesn’t help having a hot fucking boyfriend.

you slouched back on the couch trying to focus on the movie, but clearly by you’re face you weren’t having it all.

after your little encounter with jeonghan yesterday, you woke up still horny & bothered.

you couldn’t do anything about it too, jeonghan had gone to work which made even worse.

trying to just forget about it, you go to make yourself some food, watch tv do anything at this point but you can’t help but ache down there, you’ve always wondered how it feels if jeonghan just pumped his pretty cock in you i mean yes of course, you’ve masturbated but you little fingers don’t compare obviously to his cock, you’ve seen him hard one time & boy was it obvious he was big & lengthy.

sitting down on the same couch as last night. you’re being tortured by this needy feeling, pouting & hugging the pillow next to you “ I wish han was here “ you said… thoughts taking over suddenly you looked over the pillow that you were hugging.

looking at it puzzled till it hit you. grabbing your shorts & panties taking them off leaving you just with a little top.

the feeling of the cold pillow hitting your sensitive needy nub rolled your eyes, letting out a whine, beginning to hump on it slowly absolutely loving the feeling of the fabric rubbing your clit “m-mph, I wish it was hannie” you moaned out loud, feeling overwhelmed you sped up, wanting more of it.

grabbing your tit with one hand & teasing your hard nipples. “ f-fuck “ it was the first time you’ve done this and certainly not the last, this new sensation was so good n made u feel so dirty.

oh how clueless you are for feeling that, it was only a pillow after all not your lovers dick.

a feeling inside your stomach came, which made you go even faster till orgasm came spewing on the pillow, you flopped on the couch processing what just happened, biting your lip, then grabbing your phone snapping a pic of the pill then your wet cunt.

you hit the send button to your boyfriend jeonghan. “that’ll teach him to give what I want” you giggled

ping !

hannie 🎀 / what the fuck did you just did??

you / just a little surprise 🤭

hannie 🎀 / you fuckin whore thinking your so smug, sending this to me while at work ? I’ll ruin you, tried to be so nice about making love to you for a first time. but my baby thought other things

you / just wanted you :((

hannie 🎀 / oh you’ll get me all right.

fuck you’ve never seen this side of him before he was always so sweet & loving to you.

not that you hated it you absolutely fucking loved it. you were ready to get ruined by him.

bang !

a loud thud. he was here & you were kinda nervous. not scared if you didn’t want it he would drop everything & hug you so lovingly.

“hi hannie“ you came up to him & all your naked glory. he pulled your hair causing you to look up to him “think your acting so sweet didn’t know my innocent pretty angel was like this“ he eyed you. you felt your knees weaken. fuck he was so hot like this.

picking you up like a princess & laying you down “gonna shove my cock down your throat how does that sound baby?, wanna just hear you fuckin’ gag hm” his belt came off. kissing you.

plopping you up your knees at the end of bed while he sat it on it.

you saw his raging boner poking out his pants, before he revealed his pretty dick, hitting his chest when he pulled it out, you saw how his tip was a pretty pink shade with a little bit of precum. “cmon baby it isn’t going to suck itself isn’t it?” lining it up your mouth, you opened and licked his tip.

then slowly you swallowed it adjusting its big fat size, for fucks sake it was your first time.

he wasn’t patient. no he grabbed your head & pushed it all the way to the back of your throat it hit, you gagged really loud “fuck sure is this your first time? takin me so well s-shit” he threw his head, face-fucking you to guide you a little bit while you got working on taking him whole.

your head bobbing up & down, looking at your pretty boyfriend who was in complete pleasure groaning so loud & cussing here in there.

“angel im gonna cum fuck!” his warm seed shot down your throat with a little bit spilling of your lips. “open your mouth f’me” you obeyed & did.

you did not expect for this to happen, he spat. fuckin spat in your mouth. “swallow for me pretty” you did, loving the salty & warm taste you moaned.

“shit didn’t do nothing to you & your like a bitch in heat” laughed at you, you got even more wet by the second, pulling you up letting you straddle his lap “wan’ ride you just like the pillow hannie” you whined “hm since you sucked my dick, cmon ride me baby” he allowed you.

now you were terrified but you were determined to take his cock like champ & give him the best experience, he could since worry on your face, he held it & said “I know you can do it sweets, if you don’t wan-“ “no I want it” you retorted.

holding his dick up for you, you positioned yourself on his member, sliding only his tip, you moaned “f-fuck!” he held your hips to help you, slid through half of his shaft “is it all of it n-now” you pouted “baby you’re only half way” he chuckled to himself then thrusted slowly to take him up full “m-m!! hannie fuck you feel so good when I’m so full” “ cmon move those hips for me baby, be my dirty little angel” he whispered as you began to move your hips slowly to adjust to his size picking up the speed with it

han would fuck his cock into you so it hit all your good spots while you bounced up & down on him, loving your fucked out figure. tits bouncing with you he slapped’’em.

feeling up as you were close to your high, by your face he knew that your close.

suddenly he flipping you over onto missionary drilling his hips into you “s-slow down !” you didn’t actually mean it you were a whore for it “nah gonna fuck you till you only remember my name baby hmm like that?” “feeling so boled sending your pretty puffed up pussy like I wasn’t gonna ruin ya?” he kissed & bit your lip you just moaned & whined “need an answer from you” smack! he hit your tits once again pinching your pretty little nipple “m-mph y-yeah hannie please please ruin me” you said loudly, tears falling from how good you were feeling.

this was now what? your fourth orgasm he had no mercy on you going on your fifth “cmon sweets just this time think your gonna cum for me hmm? do it for your hannie can you?” he fake pouted kissing your earlobe while whispering that.

grabbing your thighs and pushing them forwards making you & throwing your legs on his shoulder so he can get deeper into you.

“s-shit gonna fuckin cum with you is that what you want hm?” he sped up while you were dangerously close to orgasming once again.

then finally came gushing out of you trembling from the orgasm you just had. he pulled out and came all over you tummy.

jeonghan then went up to the bathroom & ran a warm bath for you, coming to pick you up then both you and him bathed together.

“m’sorry i was to rough on you angel.” he spoke “nonsense hannie it was the best first time in my life!” you slapped his chest lightly then kissed his cheeks “might as well send you pics always” giggling you said “try it one more time & I’ll be meaner on you” “you’ll be mean but you love me more” you layed your head in his shoulder “i really do love you” he smiled.

! 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ thank you for reading >ᴗ< !! i hope this is to your like anon !! thank you for requesting!

[elsecrytt]

Kinktober - Day 2

Aftercare | Blood Play | Harem

Pairing: Suguru Geto/Reader/Satoru Gojo

Warnings: noncon, captivity, torture/bad bdsm etiquette.

You didn’t ask for this. You don’t even want to be here. They’d drugged you and chained you up, gagged you when you talked back.

Both of them. Sure, Geto was the obvious one in charge; explaining the “rules of your new life” with his excuses of your protection and him and his lover’s well-being. But Gojo was absolutely complicit – he’d stood there the whole time, smiling and chiming in and nodding along with it, as if Geto weren’t speaking straight nonsense.

At least, you’d thought it was nonsense. Until the first displays of their powers. Gojo’s little light shows, his magic forcefield trick. It’s awe-inspiring, the way watching a movie would be. Even when he takes you out to some secluded countryside area and tears it up, it doesn’t feel real – not with his bright hair and dimpled smile shining at you alongside the devastation.

Geto, though, Geto does something you can feel. You don’t see it – apparently non-sorcerers can’t see them – but he lets them touch you.

“It won’t hurt you,” He coos as you flinch away form the weird sensation, “I have it under control. Just hold still.”

You’d realized, later, that the words were more for Gojo’s benefit than your own. Gojo’s fingers twitch as he watches, genuinely nervous, and that makes you more nervous than the strange pressure trailing over your arms, legs, chest. Something wet and slimy flicks over your throat and Geto has to hold Gojo back with a laugh.

Maybe being a non-sorcerer is a good thing. Maybe it would be, if Geto weren’t convinced it made you an invalid. Unable to make your own decisions. At the whims of people like him and Gojo, powerful people, who knew better.

They talk about Jujutsu Society, about the “Higher-ups”, about a cleansing and a revolution. None of it makes any sense to you.

And it doesn’t need to. No, all they want you to understand is that you’re the missing piece they never realized they needed. All you need to know is that you’re with them, now, and you’re free to do for them what you’ve done for Gojo so many times before.

That’s the only thing you need to do, actually. No more going out, no more job, no more clients (Geto says it like they’re doing you a favor). Just them.

You thought they’d get bored of you blatantly ignoring them. They seem surprised you’re not jumping to fuck them both after they assaulted you and now are keeping you captive.

“Come on, do it again,” Gojo whines, like you’re a vending machine he wants an extra treat out of, “Just like before! Suguru’s here, too, it’s just a different place. This is nicer, isn’t it?”

Your comment that it would be even nicer to not have your hands in chains was met with laughter, mostly from Geto.

“He doesn’t do it like you,” The complaint comes, but it’s clipped, interspersed with a glance at Geto, who’s stony-faced. “Do it with us.”

Unsurprisingly, that doesn’t convince you to fuck him.

So they go at it on their own. You get a firsthand seat to Geto’s repugnant BDSM etiquette. There’s no checks, no shows of affection, you’re pretty sure there’s not really a safe word, either.

All the while, Geto steals little smirks at you. Tiny glances. Gojo doesn’t so much steal them as seizes them in broad daylight, pouting at you with a half-bitten lip and those pretty eyes.

You think you know what he’s getting at. He’s not doing it right, blatantly ignoring all the advice you’d given him before – before they lost their fucking minds – no check-ins, no kisses or praise, nothing to make it feel more like sex and less like domestic violence.

He must figure that if you’re watching him mess up, you’ll be compelled to speak out. And he’s right.

Even as much as you despise Gojo for putting you in this situation… you took pride in being a dominant partner. It was an honor to have someone so thoroughly entrust their being to you, and you did everything you could to be worthy of that trust.

Gojo trusted you like that, once. You suppose he still does, and that’s why you’re here.

Watching Geto stomp all over it? Bend Gojo over, fuck him dry and raw, snarling into his ear how much he’s a whore who likes being watched, getting fucked, getting ruined as a whore like him deserves –

Geto draws blood.

You wouldn’t do that outside the most careful, pre-planned scenarios, only very lightly –

Geto slaps him, hard, you hear a crack that sounds like something desperately important.

He raises Gojo up by the hair, face bloodied and already bruising, lips pulled into a smile, “Yeah? That all you got?”

 This isn’t okay. This really isn’t okay. They’re both fucked up, they’re both insane, but you watch Geto’s hands grow bloodier and Gojo’s pretty white hair stain red and you can’t help yourself, just like Geto wanted –

“For fuck’s sake, you’re hurting him! Can’t you tell you need to stop? Just because he’s getting off doesn’t mean he can keep going!” You’d watched Gojo throw up when he came back from a session with Geto, oblivious to his own body’s reactions.

So many people don’t know their own limits. It’s the responsibility of the one in charge to set a hard stop when it’s needed.

Only Geto must not have wanted you to intervene at all. You watch his eyes darken with something terrible, his fist closing in Gojo’s hair as he slams that pretty face straight into the concrete floor, hard enough to make you shriek.

All that comes from Gojo is an ugly, heartrending crack.

Did he fucking kill him?

You’re shaking, even though you don’t realize it. Geto’s eyes don’t leave yours.

Gojo gets up. His face is covered in red, but otherwise unharmed. He’s smiling, the redness stark against the white of his teeth, his hair. Eyes blue and bright and far too wide.

“See, he’s fine,” Geto drones, low and vicious, “You think you know him? Better than I do? You’re not even willing to give him what he needs.”

That’s only the beginning of it.

They do get off, on some level, to fucking in front of you. That’s for sure. Geto likes to say you could join, have in on the fun whenever you wanted, like you were just a frustrated child refusing to play. Gojo dismisses any protests and goes on as normal – ready to be a brat, to beg or plead as appropriate.

It’s more unsettling how normal they act about it. How unaware they are. You can’t just beat a man and expect him to be okay because it makes him hard. You’ve told both of them that before, exasperated, and maybe you should have been a little more worried when they laughed it off.

But when Geto let you “show him” it seemed to be going so well. You guiding his hand against Gojo, tempering his strikes, petting Gojo’s hair as he took it, calling him your good boy after Geto told him he was a filthy slut.

It was hot. You’d liked it! Consented to it, even! Gojo would eat you out while Geto fucked him, and Geto didn’t hesitate to manhandle his lean body to get face-to-face to kiss you. He would cup your face, kiss your cheeks, look at you with those hooded eyes and that subtle smirk – and god, you were no masochist, but you knew why Gojo got on his knees for this man.

Back then, you thought he was normal. Just a man going a bit too far with a brat who usually had it coming. You’d seen the bruises, but you had no idea the violence that hid behind that gentle face. He’d been tender with you, careful, even, exuding a smug confidence that worked so well for a dom. You remember thinking he had potential.

Now, he just seems terrifying.

Geto’s so-called sorcery is invisible, at least to you, but you’re starting to think that makes it worse.

There’s something cold and slick that wraps around your body, your mouth, and you can’t see it but it’s holding fast to you anyways. You can’t even scream. Can’t even tell him to stop.

There’s so much of that noise. That sickening crack that has to be bone splintering.

Gojo will be okay. He’s always okay after this. He’s not okay no one here is okay nothing about this is fucking OKAY.

(Maybe it’s his own mind that Geto is stomping to bits, maybe his heart, his sanity. Maybe he was cracked to begin with, to let any of this happen.)

“Tell her how much you like it,” Geto snarls, “Tell her you want more!”

Gojo doesn’t want more, there’s no way he wants more. His body quivers, erratically, at random intervals. Legs barely holding him up – Geto’s hand in his hair does most of the work there – but he smiles at you as he says what Geto tells him to.

His cheeks are blushing, every bit the bashful maiden except for the dark purpling swell on his cheek.

HIs cock is red and painful looking at this point, splotchy with release and punishment alike. Geto reaches at it, tugs it, pulling broken whines from his raw throat – but his eyes never leave yours.

“I love it, I love it so much, r-really,” Gojo says, stuttering as Geto jerks him lazily, shoving him forward onto his hands and knees and spreading his beaten ass again, “F-fuck, Geto, fuck me – more – please, more please please Geto please – ”

All intelligible speech is lost as Geto drives into him, the hand on his head shoving his face down into the floor. Geto barely bends over, barely looks at him, eyes straight on you.

Like he’s daring you to contradict him. Gojo can barely hold himself up. Gojo, who cried when you hit him too many times without cooing praise in between. Gojo who flushed so pretty when you choked him and chased your lips as soon as you let him up for breath in thanks. Gojo who wanted you to kiss every bruise right after.

That Gojo is getting fucked within an inch of his life, now, mercilessly, ruthlessly. You’re forced to watch, unable to look away. He begs for it, begs to cum, and he does – but not before Geto.

Geto who fucks him while he looks at you, this is mine, he is mine, he loves me, can’t you see? can’t you see he belongs to me? he’ll love me no matter what, and a million emotions swirl in your chest.

Curdled arousal rotting to a sliver, because he’s beautiful, he is, Gojo is always beautiful, even more when he’s ruined. Geto is handsome in his own right and he spits just the sort of degrading stuff you’d be into, but – but you could never –

There’s no softness there, no safety, no warmth or affection or anchor to hold onto. Gojo and Geto are both lost in their own intensity, in the point they’re trying to prove I love you Geto, I love you so much, I love everything you do, I don’t love her more just because I want her, and Prove it prove it PROVE YOU LOVE ME prove you’ll never leave me no matter what –

Sick and sickening to each other, carving hollows in one another’s hearts. Geto gets his release and spills inside him with a groan – it’s the only time he looks away from you.

He stares, for a moment, at Gojo panting and sweating beneath him, before he pulls back.

Geto leaves him like that. On the cold hard floor, to think about what he’s done, the filthy slut, does he think anyone would treat him better, knew him better, trembling and bleeding in a pitiful heap. Whatever Geto had on you releases you, though it’s cold comfort with the door locked and Gojo here. Even in this condition, he’s stronger than you.

It’s a while before Gojo can pull himself up to his arms. Little noises of genuine discomfort escaping him as his aching limbs force themselves into action. He looks up at you with eyes glazed over. Face half-blank. You’d known he must have had a panic attack at some point, probably threw up in his own mouth.

Whatever he sees in your eyes, he stares for a few minutes, and then starts to blink away tears.

You fucking hate this. You hate Geto and you hate Gojo and you know that Gojo is a willing participant here, he’s keeping you prisoner right along with Geto, in fact he’s stronger than Geto is and he could make this stop at any time –

But something in your chest is split open and bleeding. There’s a terror that haunts your bones from all those awful cracking noises. Watching him crumble beneath Geto, so willing and blissful and terrified. Twitching on the ground like some dying creature while Geto leaves him to rot.

Silent tears slip down your cheeks. You try not to think about it.

You open your arms wide. You try, very hard, not to think about what expression is on your face, what Gojo sees in you. What he thinks of this person he’s loved and captured and won’t release. What he thinks of the person he loved who left him here.

He falls into your embrace, wordless and heavy.

[tmntxthings]

一∑From the Start・゜・。

author’s notes: scurries in from the darkness, throws this > 💣 < out into the light, and runs back for cover 💥

warnings: unedited, angst, drabble, unrequited love, pining, daydreams, cliffhanger

—————————————————————————

When Leo invited you down to the lair to hang out, you had thought maybe it would be a movie thing. Or perhaps even going to the ramp room, chatting while he practiced skateboarding tricks that almost always ended badly with bruises. You wouldn’t have been surprised if he had dragged you into the kitchen to whip up something to eat or just snack on whatever the two of you could find.

But no, instead, he led you to his room, with a skip in his step. When you questioned why it had to be just the two of you. Why all of his brothers were rolling their eyes in Leo’s direction. He just shook his head, “I can’t tell anyone else! You’re the only one I can trust!” It was then, that you had a sinking feeling.

This scenario had happened before. Many times actually. You glanced back at the bros, exasperated already and you hadn’t even heard anything yet. But you knew.

Once in his room, Leo let go of you, and jumped face first into his bed. He let out a dramatic screech, kicking to boot before he turned to the ceiling and announced, “I’ve got a crush,”

You held back a sigh as you walked over to the only chair in his room. Pulled it out from under the desk, and sat, getting ready for the long haul. “Who and how?”

He really hadn’t even needed the question. He was off to the races explaining exactly how he had met ~them~ and all the moments after, from whence his heart first skipped a beat, the beauty that they hold, how they laugh at all his jokes. Your eyes clouded over.

This was pure torture. As your eyes unfocused, you let your train of thought wander away from Leo’s babbling fancies. Truly you’d lost count of how many times this had happened before. It was always the same things that made his heart flutter. That made him go crazy, so much so, that he’d tire out his brothers from all the lovesick shenanigans and bring you into the mix.

Which was like listening to chalk squeak against a chalkboard. Shrill and grating. If you didn’t tune it out, you’d go crazy yourself. Because it was despicable to listen to your own crush, talk about how much they wanted someone else.

For a second, you could just blink, look over at him, and pretend he wasn’t saying anything of consequence. “Blah blah blah,” his mouth moved, but you weren’t listening. That was better. It was unfair how pretty he could be. Especially when he was happy, especially when he was falling hard. The way he smiled, how his eyes shined. His hands couldn’t stop moving, he just had to animate with his whole body about how he felt. Your knee started to bounce. He was being cruel and he didn’t even realize it.

It wasn’t fair. But then again, how would he ever know unless you told him? You imagined what it would be like. To interrupt him. To confess your love. He’d probably laugh in your face. Ha what a great joke Y/n, now get real and back to my love crisis. That’s what he’d say. Or something along the lines of it.

But sometimes you could imagine him pausing completely. Getting taken so off guard that he no longer had the words to respond. That maybe he’d look at you with a different light. So maybe that was why you did it. On the off chance that, maybe, Leo had always harbored something for you too. Just deep down! So deep that he felt the need to hide it with all of these other so called crushes.

“Leo!”

He blinked and sat up from where he had been laying, interrupting his tangent.

“What?!”

Straightforward. That would be the best route.

“I like you.” Your eyes were steady, yet your heart raced. It was thundering in your chest as you watched one of his brow bones raise.

“I like you too Y/n” he said so as if it was obvious. Which meant he was misunderstanding.

“No no, not like that. I like you.” You strained with the emphasis as you willed his thick skull to understand. And it must’ve gotten through because his eyes widened just a bit.

“You like me?” He questioned, sitting up even straighter than before. Now you had his attention. And you could feel sweat building up in your palms as you nodded seriously.

“But, we’re best friends..” and you could’ve let that shoot you down. But you continued on. Getting up from your spot, from the single chair, and making your way over to him. Despite how every step made you second guess yourself. Despite thinking maybe it was a better idea to just run out of his room. Or to just settle for the friendship you thought you had wanted.

But you pushed through it all as you sat down next to him. “We are. You’re my best friend Leo. And I, maybe I’m greedy, but I can’t help it. I’ve liked you for so long now. And I don’t think I can just sit idly by anymore.”

You took a breath, palms closing into fists. Eyes closing because if he was going to reject you, it’d be better to not see the pity on his face. You piped up once more before he could say anything, “Every time you talk about your crushes, I can’t help but think, but wish, that it were me! And every time you get over one, I get ahead of myself, I hope that maybe, one day, you’ll look at me differently!”

There was so much you could say. So many different ways to say it. But that was the gist. “That… you’ll like me like that. That you’ll return the feelings I’ve felt for you,” you blew out a breath. Then looked into his eyes.

Leo was rarely ever serious but he was now. “I never knew…” he said softly after a moment of silence. Of taking in all that you had revealed. You nodded not knowing what that meant for your relationship with him now. And the fear of losing him forever leaked onto your face. His eyes softened, a green hand going out to cup your cheek.

“I wish I’d known sooner,” and with that he brushed a finger against your skin. He looked down at your lips as they parted with a shocked breath. He smirked, as only Leo could, and leaned down with a silent question that had you tilting your head to give him better access to your lips.

“Y/n are you even listening to me?”

You blinked.

“Huh?”

You were in the single chair.

“Hello! Earth to Y/n, this is like the biggest moment of my life, I’m telling you I think they may be the one!! Come on focus!!”

Right. You straightened up, crossing a leg over the knee that wouldn’t stop bouncing.

“Sorry, go on,”

And he blinded you with that smile as he retold all of the sickening things that made him so endeared to his crush. If only it wasn’t so endearing to you.

—————————————————————————

This ↓ is why this ↑ came about :D

[kodathings]

𝐹𝑜𝑐𝑢𝑠 𝑜𝑛 𝑚𝑒

Ning Yizhuo x gn!reader

No warnings

Gender: Cute, i promise this will be romantic

It's boring and tiring having to spend so much time sitting in a wooden chair with your hands busy writing essays and answers. The plan wasn't to spend all Sunday listening for exams and doing work you didn't even know existedIt's hard for anyone to get their mind so full so quickly. Was college slowly killing you like psychological torture — or is it just you being dramatic and unformed.

Your joint hurt enough but you refused to stop to get it over with as quickly as possible, there was still time to enjoy your Sunday since it was still afternoon "Come on, just a few more lines" you mutter, cheering to yourself since your roommate wasn't here.

You were almost there, just a few more words and you would be free if it weren't for the doorbell ringing quickly as if a child was outside. Your head hurts more with the continuous noise of the doorbell forcing your body to get up and go to the door. Before opening the door you looked through the peephole, you didn't want to be disturbed by annoying children, but you ended up burning your tongue when you saw Ningning there.

She's been your best friend since you started college, you luckily met her on the first day and weren't left alone like some new students so she was kind of a savior for you. She was one of the few people who actually helped new students who barely knew how to find a room. So you opened the door for her "What are you doing here?"

Your voice scared her or maybe it was how quickly you opened the door, you cursed yourself for sounding like a maniac as you looked at the girl "Hello to you too Y/n" You sigh and roll your eyes "Good afternoon Ning Yizhuo, what brings you here?" This got a laugh from the shorter one and a smile appeared on her face "You don't have to be like that either."

"So just say what you need, I was finishing some homework" Ningning's face twitches at the thought of keeping busy during the weekend "Doing homework? What are you? A nerd?" "Stop it, nerds aren't that bad. But no, I'm not a nerd, I just forgot that I have things to do" you defended yourself, or tried.

"Whatever, you can finish this later, right?" She looked at you, waiting for a positive answer. You held the back of your head, looked around, all to avoid the Chinese woman's gaze. "Right?" she repeated "I don't know..." you were embarrassed. It was obvious that Ning wanted to ask you out or something and it was also obvious that you really wanted to spend time with her, but...

Her arms were crossed while her eyes remained on your face as if you had done the worst thing in the world "Come out of your cocoon for a bit and let's go, we won't be long" Her fingers grabbed your arm and pulled you forward towards her, her puppy ​​eyes and soft touch were involved in the cute manipulation she proposed "keep me company, Y/n, please" she shook you a little knowing you had no choice.

"Okay..."

-

"Damn, don't you think we've already spent too much time walking?" Your eyes were watching the excited girl as if she were a little child leaving home for the first memorable time "It hasn't even been 10 minutes." Maybe you were being too hot-headed or too anti-social.

You didn't know where you were, in fact you didn't know which park Ningning decided to take you to this time. It's a really beautiful place, the grass is green like in the movies, flowers are spread out perfectly, not to mention the birds and people walking their pets. It's a charming place like Ningning.

It's not as bad as you thought, but as you're hot-headed, you were always complaining about something and she didn't even care about you that much. Ning was focused on taking photos of everything as if it was her first time at the park, she really liked photos.

"Look what a cute cat!" There was a cat with white and slightly brown fur on the edge of a fountain that was not in use, only plants were growing around it. You walked slowly towards her and with your hands in your pockets, you watched her eyes shine as the feline accepted the caress she offered.

Silently, you took the camera away from Ning and stood back to take a photo of the two's cute interaction. "What are you doing?" "Calm down, stay still".

A little clicking noise was made when the photo came out and was recorded in the camera's memory. When you went to see the photo she took, you realized that it was full of photos of you on the camera: you looking at the flowers, you complaining in front of a small forest, you laughing at something you saw and it doesn't end.

You remained silent analyzing each photo and each opportunity she had to take photos of you, you were so foolish to not notice and complain the whole time. "Did you take pictures of me?" Her eyes went to the girl playing with the cat and a blush crept up both of her cheeks as she smiled and came to you "I couldn't help it, you looked good everywhere".

Your smile grew a little wider and you handed the camera to her before she saw how you looked "Stop it, let's keep moving." Your mind was going a million an hour, it was so silly to look like that with photos and a simple comment...but she was the one talking.

"Hey come back here! Didn't you say you were tired?" Your safe passage ahead was blocked by the smiling girl "I was just complaining, I didn't tell the truth" your head turned to the opposite side, pretending to look at the large lake to your right, all to avoid meeting the eyes of the person you are in love with.

"S/n, 𝘧𝘰𝘤𝘶𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘦"

The soft voice drowned out all surrounding sounds, drawing your attention only to her. You didn't fight it much, there was no way, she has total control over your mind and the things you do, it's because of her that you're here and not finishing a stupid physics homework.

Her eyes were hypnotic, something changed, maybe the lighting changed the way her eyes glowed when they looked into yours. Butterflies invaded your stomach and your mind was filled with only Ning Yizhuo and nothing else.

"Much better" Her smile made your heart race making you think you were having a heart attack with her beauty. She noticed the way you were quiet and how your eyes analyzed her face as if you were memorizing every detail. I can't deny that she found it intriguing and cute your arms crossed and the curious pout that formed on your lips. You've always caught her attention and she has a chance, but it wouldn't be now that I would use "Come, I want to see the lake closer".

-

The air was calmer now. The children who were previously running here and there were leaving with their parents and the dogs that were playing were lying on the grass or sitting like you and NingNing. It's a comfortable moment between you because the silence was more than enough for you to be calm.

Ning silently took photos of the ducks that were in the lake and also the couple of dogs that were lying together on the grass or even an old couple walking by the lake. All of this caught her attention.

"Do you think you'll be like them one day?" she murmured softly next to you making you stop looking at the ducks and instead look at where she was looking "like how?" "Like them" she discreetly points to the two old men laughing and walking slowly in their time. Her question was difficult, getting old you definitely will, but having someone by your side will be difficult "I don't know. Do you think so?" "I don't know either, but I would like to"

Everyone would like.

The day was starting to go away, the sun was slowly falling and the hour passed with you still sitting together. Her hand found hers without you even noticing along with the way she looked at you, with passion. "Would you like to be like this with someone?" you ask, too curious and silly to notice Ning.

She laughed at you, laughed at how you didn't even notice the love she felt "Yes." Ningning is not afraid to show her feelings to someone, she has always been completely open with everything she says and you know. "Who?"

Her eyes meet yours and drop to your lips a few times silently indicating what she wanted to do and what she was afraid to do. You blinked, not understanding what was happening before your eyes and she obviously saw how stupid you were being, nothing was out of the ordinary.

"You're so stupid, Y/n" you were confused but everything ended up becoming clear too quickly. Her lips crashed against yours showing all the way to satisfaction, you realized that kissing was much more than saying what you really feel and that was exactly what she wanted. She just wanted a kiss, just a kiss and the opportunity.

The girl's lips were like velvet and had an incredible strawberry taste because of the lip gloss or were they the strawberries you bought her on the way to the park. You didn't mind that since Ning Yizhuo's lips were in a passionate and mostly sweet dance. She refused to move away even though she needed some air in her lungs.

You patted her arm, forcing them to move away for some air. From her eyes it could be seen that she has no regrets, she wanted to do this much more than you. She brought you here for this, she couldn't bear to come to this park to take photos anymore so the photos were all yours, she was focusing on you all day and you just wanted to receive it now.

"Do you understand now?" Her lips held a smile waiting for your answer. It took you so long to realize that love surrounded both of your minds. "Yes, I think so.."

"Do you think so?" She tilted her head and saw confusion in you "Yes...I'm sure about that..." Your voice dropped as you spoke, making her laugh sweetly "Are you sure?"

"Another kiss would be enough to make me think a little more"

[igotanidea]

All I want (for Christmas): Jason Todd x reader

Christmas bingo day 22: movies

She hated Christmas movies.

Yes, I know what you're probably thinking right now, but come on. Even the Romans used to say : de gustibus non est disputandum.

So let the girl live a little.

It's Christmas time after all.

We all could use a little niceness.

And while on the topic.

When whole world seemed to be consumed by the last preparations, buying emergency gifts and standing in grocery stores to acquire the suddenly missing product, Jason and y/n were cuddling on the couch debating what to watch and browsing Netflix hoping for something that would satisfy the tastes of them both.

They subconsciously refused to take part in all that rush and crossing things from the "to-do" list. It was exhausting to just do something because "everyone does that" and because "it's tradition". As if the Christmas didn't come because the windows weren't cleaned or the furniture weren't dusted.

Maybe it was cliché but for those two holiday meant spending time together and truly being close. From the beginning, not only after all the tasks were completed.

"Hey Jace?" She hummed softly

"Hm?" He muttered back, not moving his head from her lap but welcoming the feeling of her fingers running through his hair, nuzzling into his girlfriend a bit more.

"You know I love you right?"

In any other circumstances he would probably swoon at those words and his heart would just swell. Which obviously happened now as well, but Jason knew better than to fall for her tactics.

"Are you trying to sweet talk me so I can let you pick the movie princess?"

"What? No!" She scoffed "who do you take me for Todd?"

"A vixen" he smirked sitting up and suddenly pecking her lips enjoying the cute surprised expression on her face. Jason was rarely this affectionate so her reaction was obvious.

"Hey! Tease!"

"Oh am I now?" He smirked grabbing the pilot from her and keeping it out of her reach taking a peek of what she was going to choose. "Please don't tell me you wanted to put me to such torture..."

"Torture, huh. Torture my ass. This is a history based story about-"

"Queen Charlotte."

"Yes queen Charlotte. But it's not a romance movie, it's more like -. Why are you looking at me like that? Jason? Jason why are you--?"

Oh his devilish grin was not for nothing when he just grabbed her, wrapped arms around her and almost pinned her to the couch, settling against her and putting on the show.

She wanted the Bridgerton story so Bridgerton story she'll get. He didn't need much more convincing than that. Besides, it was on his recommendation lists as well.

***

They were at the wedding scene when something hit him and his grip on y/n tightened. Not that she noticed too involved in the plot, her eyes fixes on the screen, sparkling and a little glassy. Jason could only watch her and wonder what thoughts were running through her head.

And he felt safe. Like she was the one, the only one.

One in the million.

One in the widest dreams.

One with the halo.

One he wanted for Christmas (in the next 50 or so years)

Suddenly all the love songs made sense.

"Move in with me" he whispered kissing her shoulder softly.

She almost choked.

She must have misheard something, right? Must have been her imagination, there was no way her- well, yes, boyfriend, but still- would say that. Last time she checked he was still afraid of full commitment and all the stuff that came with 24/7 relationship and living together.

Scared of being seen in the most vulnerable moments and shielding her from that.

This words really couldn't have left his mouth and she was pretty sure she just created them in her own head.

So she ignored it at first focusing all her attention on the movie.

And he didn't like it.

"Y/n"

"Yeah, hm, what is it?"

"Move in with me" he repeated this time a bit louder to avoid any pretending she didn't hear.

"Why?" She whispered too stunned and emotional to answer right away.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" He shifted positions to look at her.

"Me? Jason babe, you don't need to please me at your expense...."

" Is that what you think I'm doing?" He grabbed her face in his hands, eyeing her pleadingly "do you think it's some sort of sacrifice for me?"

"No I -"

"Shut up. Just shut up. It's all your fault. You did it to me "

"Did what?" Her eyes widened at the words, the movie long forgotten. " What did I do?"

"You made me need you." He whined like a hurt animal pulling her on top of him "you made me love you, depend on you..."

"Jace...."

"Don't push me away."

"I'm not pushing you away. I could never -"

"You didn't answer me when I asked you to move in"

"I'm just -" she cut off unsure of how she felt. happy? Surprised? Excited? Nervous? Worried about the future? Longing to have a little nest with him?

"It's okay, just forget I said anything" he muttered looking at the ceiling.

"No, wait, hey please don't be mad..." She stuttered, panicking a little. It was impossible how after all this time they fell victim to miscommunication.

"I'm not mad -"

"Yes!"

"Yes? Yes what?" He lift himself bringing her with him holding her waist and looking into her eyes.

"I want to move in with you. I will move in with you"

"You will?! Really?! Really?!"

"Yes. Yes, really."

If she knew that he would react this emotionally, almost crushing her by pulling close and locking in his embrace she would probably -

Nah...

Scratch that.

There was nothing she would do differently.

So it has been settled.

She was going to be full-time part of his life.

[sseomtada]

being [ruben dias]

you finally learn the truth behind that night.

warnings: none | wc: 5565 | 3/???

“Umm, what are you wearing?” Aki lowered the bottles in her hand.

You cluelessly peered down at the clothes she’d literally seen you wearing earlier in the office. It took a while for your mind to construct the meaning of her slight chastise. Slacks and a button down was certainly not the appropriate attire for the occasion.

“Right! Shit…” You sprang into action, letting her in.

She made herself comfortable in your loft, beelining to the kitchen while you got prepared to join her in the long overdue ritual.

Some time had passed since the launch party at Nike. You’d been so busy with chasing up the next project on the agenda that your tradition had sadly slipped through the cracks. Luckily, your best friend was there to always remind you of the important stuff.

After sprinting through a shower, you slipped into a silk romper and joined her out in the living room. Her ability to whip up a master charcuterie board was out of this world. When did you even buy honey and feta?

“Early 2000s or something new?” Aki pondered as she scrolled through streaming options.

“I’m feeling modern tonight.” You replied around a cheese topped cracker.

She agreed, filtering for options within the last year. While the opening credits ran, you emptied the first bottle of wine she brought between your two glasses. That earned you a look of surprise to which you responded with a cheeky one of your own.

While you were on the more conservative side of alcohol consumption these days, you liked to let loose every now and then. What was the use of working so hard if you didn't blow off steam by getting a bit tipsy with your favorite girl?

Halfway through your glass, you started to wonder whether or not you’d made a mistake. Not on the wine, that was top tier, but the era of movie you chose. Film companies just didn’t put their soul into producing quality rom-coms like they used to.

You chugged the remainder of your Bordeaux and went in for seconds. Maybe fast tracking the intoxication would make this dry ass movie more palatable. Aki followed suit, hissing dramatically at the burn of her massive mouthful going down.

About five, or fifteen minutes passed - you honestly didn’t know now given your warped senses - before you turned to her with a grimace. She was already looking at you with an expression that made you burst into laughter.

“This movie fuckin’ sucks.” You gasped.

“I know!” Aki struggled to breathe. “I’m so sorry for picking it!”

Instead of torturing yourselves with the remainder of it, you decided to place a bet on what the ending would be. It was obvious that they’d end up together given the tone of the movie so far, but how they would get there was up for debate.

Ultimately, one Wikipedia page scan later, her guess was closer to being correct than yours.

“Okay…how about we do a drunk capsule now?” Aki dared you with her eyes.

It was an offer you couldn’t refuse, especially due to your current state. In these traditional events, nothing was off limits and everything was confined to the safety of the moment. To put it plainly, whatever either of you said couldn’t be held against you once you’d sobered up.

“Go on, I know you’ve been waiting for this forever.” You rolled your eyes playfully.

She clapped giddily, shuffling until her knees touched yours.

“Starting off a bit strong, but,” Her bottom lip reduced between her teeth. “Why haven’t you dated anyone since. You know.”

You blew a raspberry. “I-I have been on dates.”

“How many in the last year? Or two?” Aki hiccuped. “Come on, you’re still young and sexy! You should be getting pounded religiously!"

“Ew!” You slapped her leg. “Things have been really hectic with the company, you know that. I’ve barely had time to have a proper chat with my mom much less date a guy.”

That was the God’s honest truth. It was arguably a bigger task than you realistically could’ve handled, deciding to open a new branch of Bana.

The risk had to be taken, though. If you sat there trying to rationalize it through figures and statistics, you never would’ve committed to this next step that already was paying its weight in gold.

You also really needed to carve out time to call back home for more than just a quick hello.

Aki was the only other person who knew just how time consuming all of this was, so she accepted your response - albeit with an emphasized pout.

“We spoke,” She ran a finger along the rim of her wineglass. “Ruben and I.”

Your head reared back as you screwed your eyes shut. That information wasn’t too surprising considering that when you left, they both remained at the party. Still, it hit you with rather powerful force.

Trying to picture that conversation pulled your mind in several directions. Aki was a different person than you in many ways, her methods of communicating being one of them. She was far more straightforward than you were and was never the type to do a long song or dance before getting to the point.

The situation she had with him was rather complicated, though. She was collateral damage in his severance from you. His parting message to her was just as curt and painful as the one he’d sent you - with an added layer of which you now realized was the audacity he always had. 

We can’t be friends anymore. Take care of her.

Going through something like that could create deviations in anyone’s behavior. You wouldn’t hold it against her if she found herself too flustered to articulate herself properly. Especially if he’d displayed the same attitude to her that was directed towards you.

“How are you holding up?” It was embarrassing to admit that this was the first time you’d really checked in with her regarding the entire situation.

She sighed deeply and then nodded. “I’m okay, said what I needed to.”

o passado

aki

Her eyes had been on you since that giant blond man had made his way over.

Not exactly the type she’d seen you fawn over, but there was a first time for everything, right? Besides, it didn’t hurt that he was clearly acquainted with Ruben - whose gaze was glued to you and the guy like his life depended on it. Maybe it would hit him where it hurts.

She prayed it did.

“And that was basically how I figured out I was a genius!” The long winded man she was conversing with finally wrapped up his story - full cackle to boot.

“That’s amazing!” Aki matched his energy, going as far as to throw her head back for good measure.

“Was that your CEO you were sitting with - the one in the white?” His tone immediately had her eyes narrowing.

Your dress was cream, but he was a man so she’d let it slide.

While his appearance was more towards your usual taste, there was no way she’d let him near you. Not with his clearly inflated sense of importance and clear habit of never letting anyone else speak for more than ten seconds without interruption.

“Yep, that’s her.” Aki nodded proudly. It was always nice to tell people that her best friend ran a company.

“Is she single? I’m sorry that might be a bit forward, but I’m sure you’ve noticed how stunning she is.” He chuckled awkwardly.

“She…is.” The smart retort part of her brain clicked off when her gaze drifted to find you talking to Ruben.

Whatever thirsty homeboy was droning on about fell yet again on deaf ears as she watched your interaction with shallow breaths. It was the first time she’d seen him in years, stirring up strange emotions to say the least.

When he’d messaged her that night, her heart broke and sank all the way to her toes. Only a fraction of a moment passed as she tried to rationalize why she’d so suddenly lost the person who was like the brother she always wanted. Her mind almost immediately went to you.

Take care of her.

Fuck, those words still filled her with rage to this day. He knew just how deeply you were in love with him and he didn’t even have the decency to say that shit to your face, or give you a reason. He knew how badly it would break you. Yet, he did it anyway.

Aki would never forget the way every bone in your body shook as she held you. She’d never get over how the heartache ate you from the inside out, watching you turn into a hollow shell of the vibrant girl you used to be.

But more importantly, she wouldn’t ever forget watching you pick yourself back up. Piece by piece, you took shape. Watching you find and love yourself after what he put you through was the proudest she felt in your friendship.

And here he was again.

She thought she’d seen a ghost when you showed up soaking wet and in tears on her doorstep a few weeks ago. It wasn’t a question in her mind as to why you were that torn up suddenly because there was only ever one person that could do that to you.

What did Ruben want? So much time had passed, did he think that was an excuse of some sort to suddenly start popping up like a whack-a-mole? She would’t stand by idly and let him create chaos the way he once did.

Aki watched him as he watched you making your way to the exit, his expression forlorn. It twisted her insides like they were filed with bile instead of bubbly. She excused herself from Mr. Know It All and shot straight to her target.

“Ruben.”

He spun around, eyes widening. “Aki…”

“Look, I’m not interested in the past and I’m definitely not here for any kind of apology.” She breathed. “I just wanna know what you’re doing, Ruben?”

His brows pushed together, “I was just having a conversation, Akenna.”

“Don’t do that.” Her jaw ticked.

He didn’t have the right to say her full name like he used to in jest anymore. They weren’t good friends, they weren’t anything to one another as things stood - all by his doing.

“And don’t play dumb.” Aki scoffed, anger rising by the second. “You weren’t there to see the fall out. No, you were living it up as the nation’s new hot shot and embracing all that came with it. You fucking,” She pressed her nails into her palm to steady herself. “You devastated her.”

Ruben flinched. Her words and the severity of it all finally seeming to click into place. She could see the thoughts swimming around his mind, imagining probably the worse case scenario that she bet wouldn’t even scratch the surface of reality. The air around the two hung heavy, as still as a day with no wind to sway the trees.

“I’m not trying to hurt Y/N, or you, again.” He eventually whispered.

That was rich, was she just supposed to take his word for it? Aki sized him up with scrutiny, wondering what position he thought he would get into with you both to repeat such a thing. Yet despite all her glaring, she still couldn't grasp his intentions.

Maybe deep down, she didn't want to.

In any case, by the looks of him, life had appeared to go unjustly in his favor despite his misdeeds. While that was an annoying observation, she chose to cling to the other side of it. She decided to celebrate that you were infinite miles away from the version of yourself he’d last seen.

A new form of yourself that she'd silently vowed to protect at all costs.

“Then whatever you trying to do, stop.” Aki warned. “She’s in a good place now, don’t ruin that.”

o presente

you

Whatever she was able to get off her chest seemed to provide her with relief.

That left you grinning. Heartbroken or not, Aki stuck to her guns. It made you promise silently to yourself that you’d adopt her stance. If you ever crossed paths with him again, though you should say when since it seemed all but inevitable in this city, you’d lay it all out on the table.

“So…have you tried Hinge?” Aki smiled sheepishly.

You exclaimed and pounced on her, smacking her with a sofa cushion as the light-hearted mood returned. She was surprisingly agile for someone so tipsy, narrowly dodging most of your blows with full bellied laughs.

I’m just doing your mom’s bidding - ah, watch the face!

The small brawl ended just as quickly as it started. Your tolerance was far below what it used to be, lethargy taking over your limbs. With a huff, you flopped onto the carpet. Aki raised your head to tuck a pillow beneath it before assuming a cozy position of her own.

“We’re gonna regret drinking this much tomorrow aren’t we?” You groaned, a hand running over your tummy.

“Nothing a good, hot cup of coffee can’t fix.” She yawned.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true.

Even after shaking the last of a double shot into your mouth, you were laced with regret. As much as you adored celebrating last night, you currently wished you could’ve slept it off a bit longer.

However, duty called. You had two meetings to knock out and needed to get through a morning brief about both of them.

“Wow, you guys look…” Cindy tried and failed to hide her shock.

“Don’t worry,” Aki pushed her sunglasses up to her hair. “I brought the emergency makeup kit.”

“Let’s just get through this quickly.” You grimaced, clutching at your blouse.

As Cindy walked you guys through all the research she compiled, you chugged down a liter of water to bring your insides back to life. On top of regretting taking wine to the head, you felt guilty about letting a bit loose while she was probably busy working.

Another mental note: give her additional vacation days.

Erling’s online presence was pretty standard for a public figure and athlete. His social media was tightly managed as well. That was obviously smart on his part, enough people in similar standing had sometimes irredeemable flubs by not thinking before posting.

The water was kicking in, leaving your mind devising the skeleton of a pitch. It might’ve been jumping the gun a bit since you still didn’t know their hopes for partnering with Bana.

You always liked to be prepared for anything though, especially when it came to working with busy clients like him. Quick thinking could easily be the difference between success and failure.

“Uh, guys.” Cindy tapped her phone. “You’re gonna need to get started on using that kit - Erling’s assistant just asked if you could meet him for lunch instead.”

Aki yelped, immediately rifling through her bag. You high sprinted to the bathroom to empty your bladder before rejoining the room. After a quick touch up to make you resemble the human species again, you gathered everything you needed.

Since the meeting had been moved up, it would clash with a virtual call you had with another potential client. Cindy volunteered to stay behind to cover given that she was the only one other than yourself with extensive marketing knowledge.

“Where are we headed for this lunch?” You slung your tote over your shoulder.

“City training grounds.” Cindy pulled a face. “Not the most glamorous, but I guess he’s staying on brand?”

Your mind immediately went there. Of course it did, it wouldn’t be normal if he didn’t make an appearance in your thoughts when hearing the location. What you were grateful for, though, was that there was no sinking feeling. No ache in your chest or pit in your stomach, just neutrality.

Aki looped her arm around your free one and tapped your bicep. “Let’s catch this fish.”

“Good luck!” Cindy waved as you exited.

Uncharacteristically, you were the one that had to be forcefully awoken and shoved into the shower this morning. That meant Aki drove you both to work, so you hopped into her passenger seat once more as she fired up the engine.

“What do they even eat there?” She pulled up the address on maps. “Baked chicken and sweet potatoes?”

You snorted loudly. “I don’t think they have a whole team of chefs just to make Instagram fitness bro meal preps.”

Aki made a noise of agreement and then got to daydreaming aloud about their potential offerings. Her imagination had your stomach growling. You hadn’t been able to even sniff the muffins in the cafe earlier without turning green in the face, but you were finally entering the phase of your belly signaling for sustenance.

Her phone rang with an unsaved number on her dashboard. You pulled a face at her suggesting that it could be one of the suitors she’d been seeing under the guise of getting to know the new city. She bit at you like a puppy before answering.

“Hi Akenna, this is Meredith from Dr. Johnson’s office. We’re just confirming your visit today at twelve thirty.” The voice sounded out.

Aki’s mouth dropped open as she looked over to you. “H-hi Meredith! I…”

You didn’t know she had a doctor’s visit scheduled and by the looks of it, she didn’t recall either. That was one hundred percent okay with you. Obviously, her health came before anything else. Your head nodded incessantly, urging her to confirm.

“I will be there.” The words sounded as if she’d dragged them from the bottom of a deep well.

“Cheers! We’ll see you soon.” Meredith disconnected the call.

“Is everything okay?” That was your main concern at the moment.

She groaned. “Yeah, it’s just time for a routine check up with the pussypractor.”

You let out a laugh. Being happy at her using that word to describe her gynecologist was far from your normal reaction, but you welcomed it in place of the fear you’d felt for a minute.

“I’m glad you’re taking care of your magic conch.” You relaxed back into your seat.

“Are you gonna be okay? I feel bad leaving you there all alone.” Aki pouted.

“I’ll be fine.” You shot her a grin. “I’m just going to complete the mission and get back ASAP.”

Whether or not she was convinced remained a mystery. That question was a double edged sword, but so was your answer. You weren’t going there with any intention beside getting your job done.

And feeding the beast in your belly.

Thankfully, the grounds weren’t too far away and traffic wasn’t as horrendous as usual. She turned her car into the security checkpoint that went by without a hitch since they’d been notified of your arrival beforehand.

“This is…weird.” Aki peered around after parking out front.

It was like deja vu. Seeing the turf, hearing the sprinklers in the distance - your senses were all lit up and connecting the dots to your past experiences in a similar environment.

“Yeah.” You refocused on the task at hand, opening the car door. “I’ll see you at home. Want me to bring over an ice pack?”

“I’ll probably already have beat you to it, smart ass.” Aki shook her head. “Text me when you’re back.”

The lady at the front greeted you brightly and let you know that Erling’s assistant would be out shortly. In the meantime, you busied yourselves with taking a look at the large pictures lining the walls. Where City clearly had the money, they also had the success. Image after image were filled with bright smiles, medals and trophies.

“Y/N, it’s so nice to finally meet you.” A young brunette woman appeared into your impromptu gallery viewing.

“Likewise.” You shook hands, extending a smile.

“Please, this way.” She directed you to follow her down a hallway.

Animated voices became louder the further you walked and the smell of rich flavors filled your nose. Whatever was being cooked was so far from barely seasoned cutlets and bland potatoes. Your stride hitched at the sound of one particularly loud laugh.

Right. It must be lunch break for the entire squad.

Just as your ears started to ring, unwanted sensations deciding to make their return, she pivoted off to the left to deviate your path from the cafeteria. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding just as your eyes looked back to catch Ruben’s - wide and confused, watching you disappear around the bend.

Coming somewhat prepared worked well in your favor.

Erling had a rough idea of what he wanted to do, but first asked your opinion about the direction you would suggest. Given the current era socially and culturally, coupled with the timeline of his playing career being almost predefined, you focused on building a diverse brand that spoke to longevity.

Football itself was such a vast world with many paths. You constructed a plan in front of him that held his passion at the center surrounded by interest that could tie back into it. If he wanted to expand his humanitarian efforts, a foundation was always the best bet - donating to boys and girls sporting programs, hosting summer camps, auctioning iconic jerseys for a cause.

Partnerships were the biggest way to expand image wise. Of course, there were the well known luxury brands that would die to have him as their ambassadors. If he wanted to hone in on a relatable image, he could partner with more affordable brands for an athletic line.

You wanted to show him that there was a world of possibility that was easily within his reach. All he had to do essentially was point the team at Bana in the direction he wanted to do and you would get it done.

Erling was extremely pleased with what you pitched to him. His assistant took notes for him to go over later in order to single out where he wanted to start, and get back to you guys with contract details. You were left buzzing with pride and very full with the most delicious chicken salad you ever had.

“I’m excited to see where this partnership takes us.” He beamed as he walked you back to the entrance.

“We intend to take you as far as you want to go.” You promised.

Him and his assistant headed out to his next appointment after you said your goodbyes. There wasn’t anything else on the agenda for the day now with both that meeting and the virtual one at the office being done.

You figured you might as well head home to check on Aki. Also, turning in early for a good night’s rest would be the best thing you could do for your body.

You requested a ride back to your place and hoped the wait would be less than 10 minutes. The confirmation came back to show that the driver was just under that, which nearly made you roll your eyes. Instead, you decided to be grateful and message Cindy to see how her call went.

“Are you going to wait eight minutes for Jeremy to pick you up?”

Your head craned to spot Ruben peering at your phone over your shoulder. Though there was nothing to hide, as well as him already seeing what was on your screen, you tucked the device into your chest and spun around.

“Obviously.” You cleared your throat.

“Why would you do that?” His gaze was scrutinizing.

“It’s what one does when they left their car at home and require a lift.” The hand holding your phone tilted it back slightly - six minutes.

“Come with me.” Ruben boldly suggested.

The laugh that left you was incredulous, there was that fucking audacity again. Under what circumstance would you get into his car with him?

You were actually starting to wonder, seriously, without any offense, whether or not he was entirely there mentally. It was like he had no recollection of what he’d done to you.

Or worse, that he didn’t care.

“No.” Your eyes turned downwards again - four minutes.

“Let me take you home.” He reached out to take hold of your wrist.

There was a slight tremble to your mouth that you were quick to shut down by pinning your lips together. Those words shoved your mind through a wormhole back to all those warm nights in Amadora. Your backpack slung over his shoulder, his fingers laced through yours. Both of your laughs bouncing off concrete structure lined streets.

“Absolutely not.” You spoke weakly.

A step too late, you registered his movement. Your small lunge was futile against his giant step back after he’d snatched the phone away from your unsuspecting grip. Getting onto your tippy toes was even more useless against his extended arm as he canceled your ride.

“Please, I owe you that.” Ruben handed it back to you. “And everything else you need to hear from me.”

Freedom of choice in this situation was an illusion. The opportunity to gain all the clarity you sought, all the answers to the questions that haunted you for years, landed in your lap without any effort on your end. Did the option of rebooking a ride share move the needle away from you wanting to know everything?

Not even an inch.

“Okay.” You conceded, motioning for him to lead the way.

Ruben walked you over to his jeep and opened the passenger door for you before you could even try. The gesture that once made you feel giddy did little to stir anything in you today. You fastened your seatbelt and placed your tote on your lap as he got in.

“Now would be a good time to,” He pointed at his console.

“Right…” You pulled up his gps to enter your address.

“Before you think something weird, just a warning that I’m leaving from the service exit.” His car spun in the opposite direction that you entered in. “Things get a bit crazy in the front with the fans and all.”

Wow, what a hero. You didn’t know whether or not to thank him for at least respecting your right to privacy, so you stayed silent and offered a nod.

The first few minutes of the ride stayed much like that - quiet. You wished he hadn’t turned off the music immediately as the car started. Whatever he listened to these days would’ve been miles better than the sound of his smooth engine running and the hissing of his tires on the lightly misted road.

“I’m sorry about the other night.” Ruben spoke alas. “It wasn’t my place to step in with a stupid suggestion like that.”

“No, it wasn’t.” At least you both agreed on that much.

He chuckled at your swift concur. “Everything went well with Erling then, I suppose.”

“You’re on a roll, Dias.” You said drily. “Two for two.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed, catching your attention from the corner of your eye. It was becoming apparent to him that this interaction wasn’t going to happen the way he imagined - whatever that may have been.

Did he expect you to be the same doe eyed girl you were seven years ago? Even without your shared history, that would’ve been an extremely naive ideal.

“Y/N…” Ruben tapped his steering wheel. “About that night…”

You dared to look at him for the first time during the ride. All over his face was the war he was fighting in his mind. As stupid and misplaced as it was, you actually felt a bit sorry for him. He had been a source of pain for you for so long, yet you still couldn’t stand to see him experiencing discomfort.

“Was it something I did, something I said?” Your biggest insecurity fell out uncontrollably. “Was it me?”

“No.” He interjected swiftly, almost angrily.

“What made you do it?” The question being posed directly to him after all this time didn’t offer you what you’d hoped.

You thought that if you had ever came to this moment, you would be on some sort of emotional pedestal. So far out of reach and so beyond what had transpired that no response he gave would have a great impact.

In actuality, it was completely the opposite. You didn’t feel elevated or safe out of reach from any negative outcome. Sitting beside him, getting swallowed up by his big leather seats, you felt small and vulnerable.

You were afraid.

“When I sent that message - those messages - it didn’t even feel like it was me.” Ruben appeared to be focused on the road ahead, but his eyes were distant. “I never felt like I truly deserved you. Sometimes when I looked at you, that feeling was overwhelming. I saw how much I meant to you, knew you’d do anything for me, maybe even give up everything for me…and I can admit it now that in those moments I was right about myself.”

He was really on a hot streak here. Three for three because you also felt like it wasn’t him speaking to you that night, or shutting off the lights on you. Four for four, actually. You would’ve done anything for him and yes, even given up everything if it meant you got to be with him.

The last part confused you though.

“Right about what?” You sought out comprehension.

“I didn’t deserve you.” Ruben provided it. “Because anyone who did wouldn’t have felt pressured by that. They would’ve stepped up even more and lived up to be the kind of person who was worthy of that kind of love. Instead, I was the type who was convinced that it was too much and ran away from it. I selfishly cut my emotions off and did what I did, not even considering the outcome.”

The fear you had was replaced with disappointment. You truthfully didn’t know what you expected his explanation to be. Maybe it wouldn’t have felt like this if he had said he started having feelings for someone else, or any other partially plausible explanation.

You guessed this was just as rational as all others in his mind, but you just couldn’t wrap your head around it. The guy you knew never showed any signs of wavering in confidence or expressed the slightest doubt that he was deserving to be deeply loved.

A part of you understood that everyone all wore masks, especially around the people they wanted to appear to be strong for. But he never had to do that with you. At least, you thought he knew that he didn’t have to pretend to be anything when he was with you.

“Ruben…” Your gripped tightened around your tote straps.

What could you even say at this point? The one expectation you did have that was met when you got into this car was that you’d received an explanation. It was just difficult to come to terms with the fact that all of your whys boiled down to something so simple yet complex.

Insecurity was an easy emotion to name, but far from that to dissect. And it certainly made people do often very shameful and hurtful things. Still, knowing all of that did nothing to ease the ache you felt watching him bite the inside of his cheek.

The drive suddenly didn’t feel so long as you realized he was pulling up to your building’s entrance. He put the car in park and reached to leave to get your door, but your hand quickly shot out to touch his arm.

“I’ve got it.” You slowly let it fall to unbuckle your seatbelt. “Thanks for the ride.”

Ruben left it until the very last second, calling your name as you were about to shut the door.

“I’m sorry for everything I put you through.” His shiny brown eyes held yours for as long as you could take before you finally sealed it shut.

You rushed inside, not daring to look back so that your tears could fall unnoticed. With rasps of breaths falling from your lips as you pressed your head against the back of the elevator, massaging the space over your heart, you found yourself asking a new question.

What would you do now, knowing that which you’ve longed to?

[jacenotjason]

OK this will be an extremely long ask i am sorry. i love radford

i havent sent an ask to people in years but i am one of the radford fans of all time and demonic possession is a fun concept to me, so the idea of gadreel possessing him specifically makes me INSANE

i just think itd work extremely well. radford doesnt take anything seriously and doesnt understand boundaries, but he always puts his concern for others first and his well-being last. he annoys father gregor and compares him to priests hes seen in the movies, and he does spray holy water + offer free candy against kevins wishes, but he also warns rick about the trouble he could get himself into when not giving the right movie tickets, and helps kevin with his job with no pay in mind. hes annoying, but his heart is in the right place

but gadreel is the Ultimate Prankster. him trying to imitate radford would backfire Hard, because gadreels idea of fun is,, More Extreme. he allows kids to enter adult films, he steals candy and says its fine since hes friends with kevin, he tells his friends and brother to break the rules and disrespect authority, etc etc. im unsure what gadreels motives are other than to ruin everyones day, but hes doing a damn good job at it. all the blame is going to radford, and honestly, its just So Easy to blame him for it

i imagine it takes a while for most people to figure out that somethings wrong with radford. he does what he wants freely, wherever and whenever, so these mistakes could be rationalized by him having an off-day. i assume rad would look extremely tired after a days long session of gadreel torturing him (because he loves pushing the human body. bill cipher behavior). but i think what makes everyone truly concerned is when "radford" starts involving Others in his antics

it isnt like rad to encourage bad behavior. he would never tell rick to swap the prices of two items at his new job, or tell robert the best blind spots to steal from stores, or forcing kevin to take his anger out on someones property. the radford everyone knows is ditzy, but kindhearted. if theres trouble, radford would be the only perpetrator

and god, imagine how much worse it gets if "radford" gets in trouble with the police. john would be frustrated seeing his own nephew be so careless and cruel all of a sudden. itd probably even make him spiral and assume the cult had something to do with it, and that john and his family arent safe like he thought. and i think gadreel relishes in that knowledge

im also so curious as to how gadreel and radford met and how long the possession lasted, maybe it was a week? in my head, he came to radford in the form of a snake before revealing his true self and attacking, leaving no time for rad to fully process it and run away. i also assume skid and pump will have some involvement, and pumps eyes turning blue will be a clear sign that "radford" is associated with a demonic entity, or Is one. either way i love gadreels character being a "twisted" version of radfords if that makes sense

so um ya sorry for the longest ask ever. heres a drawing

OPOOOHMYGOHMOSIEJHIOSRHGIUSADHRUITGHSDUIGSDB !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE AWESOME!??!?!?!?!? FUCK OK OKAYAKOAJTYAOKATY THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS IS SO COOL

THANK YOU FOR THE DRAWING, EATING IT, YOUR POINTS ARE ALL CORRECT

Unlike Moloch whose possessions are more brutal and obvious, Gadreel hides and youre so right! Hes here for the long haul babey!!

yes i imagine the possession lasted about a week, week and a half. Gadreel can't feel pain (at least Radfords pain i mean, he has a higher pain tolerance, as a demon yknow) so he could very well accidentally snap a bone as Radford and not even notice. What im saying is Rad is hospitalized afterwards

AUGHHH the police thing. Gadreel sees the cops and WANTS to get caught by them, just for goofs. in a "Oh what would happen if i did this :)" way.

GOD THIS IS SO COOL YOURE LITERALLY THE BEST

OH!! AND ON THE SUBJECT OF HOW RAD AND GADREEL MET !!

Instead of possessing Patty in the morgue, Gadreel took the form of a snake and.... left lmao. or got noticed and thrown out bc oh my god a snake

he ended up near the candyclub and radford was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Gadreel saw Radford as a hiding place and a means to have fun.

I imagine Moloch doesnt care about what his vessels look like, meanwhile Gadreel won't possess someone if he thinks theyre lame. like yeah he couldve possessed patty but then he would've had to.... do stuff. eugh. This guy looked WAY more fun.

im actually vibrating yourel iterally the coolest dawg.

[dum1s-writings]

Well, hello! It's nice to see an active total drama writer in here! I love this show so much and the fandom is like dead 💀

So, I had this idea...

It could be headcanons or a fic/one-shot, whatever you feel like the most!

But, what about the reaction to the TDWT crew to Chris bringing his niece with him?? Like, the reader is just a sweet 19 y/o teenager who looks for their safety and actually cares about them??? (Total contrary to his uncle lmao).

It doesn't have to be with one character specifically, most like how they would react overall to the reader wanting to protect them from Chris (AND PLEASE MAKE THE READER PROTECT CODY FROM SIERRA I BEG U)

Anyways, have a nice day!!! <3

~~~The Nice McLean~~~

I fucking love Total Drama!! I firmly believe Leshawna should've won the first season. I'll try to add my least favorite characters from World Tour to avoid being biased.

Warnings: Chris McLean, Sierra's stalker behavior, attempted manipulation from Alejandro, Duncan being kind of an ass, does Cody being a crybaby count? I'm making it count.

Pronouns: They/Them

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright contestants I have another surprise for you." Chris looked at the tired teens. From behind Chef came another teen. They smiled and waved to the other teens.

"Another contestant?" A few questioned simultaneously.

"Oh hell no. Their mother would kill me." Chris slung his arm around them and tugged them close. "This here is -Y/N- McLean, my nibling."

"Heya," their smile got bigger "I hope we can get along."

Everyone was too shocked to speak for a moment. Sierra was trying so hard not to flip her shit. Chris McLean's nibling was actually in front of her.

"So you're related to Chris?" Harold finally asked.

"Yeah. My mom is his sister." -Y/N- answered truthfully.

"Think of -Y/N- as a co-host. Another Chris of sorts." The older man smirked. "They'll keep an eye on you famous wannabes while I can't."

First of all we'll get the obvious out of the way, the cast fucking love you, after getting to know you. Obviously at first learning you're related to the devil host, Chris McLean, they immediately thought this season would be twice as torturous. But give them a couple of days or weeks and most of them would willingly jump from the plane for you. The others may take some time.

I'll start with the ones that take no time in becoming your fans:

Cody: for him the moment he saw you give a genuine smile was when he trusted you. Having dealt with Chris's shit for so long made him aware of a real and fake smile. Also when you demand Sierra leave him alone? Oh yeah he likes you even more now. Expect a lot of clinging, as much as he can, crying for one reason or another mostly Sierra and excessive praise for the small things.

Lindsay: my sweetheart, so pretty so.....not traditionally smart. She saw you looking super nice in your outfit and that was it. Anyone with fashion choices as good as yours are definitely trustworthy. Please become shopping buddies after the show is over.

Owen: this big lug. He really tries to see the good in everyone. More often than not he's wrong. But he's genuinely happy he's right about you.

Sierra: she knew about you before anyone else. Obviously she's going to trust you from the get go. You're related to THE Chris McLean. That trust may or may not waver...TBD. Either way watch yourself around her. Keep a close eye on your belongings.

The neutral ones who need a bit more time are:

Noah: he just doesn't trust easily. Take no offense to it. I think only Owen was lucky enough, being an actual giant ball of sunshine and stupidity. Perhaps if you sneak him some Noah-Safe food he'll trust you faster.

Gwen: poor girl has been scorned by the world so often. It's left her with a few trust issues. Maybe stick up for her and watch some good horror movies together. Reassurance is the key, she was painted as a bad guy from the beginning. Let her know she's more than that and it's okay to admit she did wrong. Help her move past that.

Leshawna: this bad bitch (lovingly) knows her worth. She wants to make sure others know it as well. Don't talk down to her and hype up her plans and ideas and she'll consider you worth her time and respect. Also keep Alejandro away from her. Please. My queen deserves better.

DJ: he's a softie and a Mama's boy. He does want to trust you. But after his failed restaurant with his Mama it might take some time. People in power never helped him or his Mama. In fact he wonders if they were sabotaged. Help him find ways to "reverse his curse" and he'll definitely trust you, also maybe offer his Mama a job as a chef, especially if it's a higher position in a private kitchen.

The ones who just straight up dislike you and take a long time to like you are:

Alejandro: his family caused him so much trauma. He doesn't trust ANYONE. He may act like it, nodding to your advice and being nice. But alas tis all a front. He's really just waiting for the perfect moment to betray you. When that time comes and goes and you're still nice to him? Yeah....you may have started chipping away at his walls.

Heather: the queen bee. The head of every group project. Highschool taught her to look out for herself. So did the first two seasons of Total Drama. She'll bitch at you and talk shit about you "behind" your back. Just brush it off and continue being nice and you'll win her over, eventually.

Courtney: the Type A Psychotic Crazies and debate team caused Courtney to believe only Courtney can help Courtney. She'll refuse to trust you and judges those who do. In fact it's not until she's kicked off will she finally trust you. Maybe meet up after the show and talk to her, she'll apologize to you and own up to her wrongdoings.

Duncan: the runaway delinquent. The hardass he is doesn't trust you, purely because of your last name. Chris ruined his life, more than he himself could have. Being stalked no matter where he went for 2 years put him on edge. Abolish Chris's stupid "must always sing" rule and his opinion on you might change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hopefully this works. I didn't know what to do for most of it. I was winging it big time.

[crossover-enthusiast]

I blame you for reminding me I did that idea of the monster town AU, I have to give you my own ideas now.

Michelle: A skinwalker and the first monster Maurice met when he arrived in town (at first he thought she was human), Michelle made him think she would help him find a way out but uhh. Then she tried to eat him. Luckily for him,Ivan managed to save him just in time.

Carmen: A giant who proclaimed herself queen of the town's mountains. Everyone who lives on her land is practically her slave and those who disobey her will end up under her heels.

Streber: HE'S NOT A VAMPIRE >:), I still don't know what he could be but definitely not a vampire.

Radford: A sleep paralysis demon, He can only communicate with people while they are sleeping and can create nightmares when he manages to possess someone. He is not particularly aggressive but he and his nightmares have been a nuisance to Ivan for years.

Thats it for now :)

OOOOO THESE ARE SO COOL

I think I love skinwalker Michelle in particular because that is just so fucked up it's great

Sleep paralysis demon Rad too!! Hell yes!! That's SO unique. I feel like the nightmares he inflicts onto Ivan are based on movie plots- he's still Radford after all. If he can't watch movies anymore he'll just reenact them with Ivan as his unwitting lead!

Also Streber not being a vampire is funny. Rip bozo /silly Maybe he could be a robot?

Also wanted to add onto this-

Zombie Kevin is hilarious, yes. Sometimes he just falls apart but can easily put himself back together like a lego- however unlike Skid he needs to "manually" reassemble and the only thing that really moves when detached is his head (for obvious reasons), so it's harder for him to find his body parts. One time he lost his bottom jaw for a few days and it was torture

Also I had more monster ideas here you go:

Evermore: gorgon/Medusa type beat, he has a bunch of little snakes and then one big "ruler" snake in place of that bump of hair. Unlike a regular gorgon (or perhaps because of the nature of the town), the petrification from looking into his eyes isn't permanent and wears off after about a day. This has caused Evermore to stone himself multiple times because he keeps trying to look at himself in the mirror. Garcia finds it funny

Speaking of, Garcia! Not quite sure what to do with him, but my current thought is him and Mr. Clown are in a Jekyll and Hyde situation; Garcia is technically still human, but Mr. Clown very much Isn't. He runs on toon logic and wants to beat everyone -- and I mean everyone -- to death with a hammer. When they switch seems to be random, or at least as far as Garcia can tell

Lucky: living scarecrow. He got hung up in the center of town and can't get himself down, so he's just Stuck for a long while. Ivan had always assumed it was a trap and so left him there even if he felt bad about it, and it's not until Maurice shows up and Lucky's able to convince him to help that he actually gets down. On the brightside of Lucky's predicament, being in the center of town means that Lucky's heard a Lot of things and knows way more than he should

Morgana (I am including her as well bc Yes): living doll. She's made voodoo dolls of everyone in town and they actually work as long as she has something from them. She mostly just uses them to fuck with people tho

Also, take a Bonus Thought about the tree entity: she's a woman by the name of Teresa that's been here even longer than Ivan, however when she first came into town she was attacked and ran into the woods. She has stayed there ever since and is Not Doing Good

[4veslil]

Can you write something about Edward being clingy/touch starved and Bella indulging him? Can be headcanons or a ficlet if you wish 🥺

Headcanons | Edward Cullen/Bella Swan | Edward Feels Touch Starved

A/N: OMG this is my first request and I was just buzzing to get started! I wasn't sure on a ficlet or headcanons so I just flipped a coin and here we are haha I really hope you like this anon!! It took a while to build up but I'm sure you'll like it. Also, I've only written headcanons once before, but for this I've done my research and I'm pretty happy with it (૭ ｡•̀ ᵕ •́｡ )૭ And if it's a total bust, I'm sooooo sorry. I tried to the best of my ability <3 Finally, gotta say a HUGE thank you for requesting! It gave me a much needed break from work and my WIP! So without further ado, ENJOY!

★ MASTER LIST AND REQUEST INFO HERE ★

Bella notices it quickly. After all, it's uncharacteristic from a reserved guy like Edward- he's definitely a product of his time.

It's how he inches closer every night to watch her sleep, a centimetre at a time- she woke up one morning greeted by the back of his head.

He now spent every night sitting on the floor next to her- Bella was impressed how quickly he closed a metre of space in a week. Knowing him, he must've been desperate.

Edward's arm then wraps around her waist more than usual, tighter than normal with his hand far lower than it used to be.

In fact, it's become a bad habit. He does it around his family, in school and even in front of Charlie!

They're watching a movie one night when Charlie begins cleaning his shotgun on the kitchen table, causing Edward to fail at putting his arm around her shoulders.

Bella meets Edward in her room afterwards, she can tell he refuses talk about it knowing she'd just laugh- by that point, she's already struggling to hold back.

After a rare week of sunshine, that's when it gets worse. Edward refused to leave her alone, he said "it's for protection". It was obvious to Bella he was lying.

And anyways, Bella thought it was cute... well, at first.

A few days in and Bella starts taking a speaker in the bathroom, blasting music knowing he's right outside the door.

She goes as far as to make everything with garlic- he lives up to the vampire stereotype as he scrunches his nose and leaves for a moment to get some 'fresh air'.

It's after a week of feeling claustrophobic Bella becomes amused, she wants to see how long he'll last- perfect payback (in her opinion)

He asks for a hug one day, she agrees, but once he wrapped his arms around her she whispers, "remember to leave room for Jesus". He pulls away immediately and doesn't ask again.

Emmett overhears that and, obviously, adopts it as a running gag in the Cullen house.

For three days the vampire carries around a ruler, measuring the distance between her and Edward when he (unconsciously) leans in too close.

Emmett only stops when Rosalie whacks him around the head with it, breaking the ruler. Bella gives him hers knowing she shouldn't torture Edward forever- it was starting to feel petty.

The next time Edward comes into her bedroom Bella is already sitting against her headboard with her arms wide open- inviting him to cuddle.

Being the gentleman he is, Edward asks her to (at least) put on some pyjama pants.

After a huff she shoves on a random pair from the floor, mumbling something like: "maybe being petty isn't always a bad thing"

When Bella goes to turn around she finds she doesn't have time to return to the bed. She's already wrapped up in his frigid embrace.

Bella's legs dangle a foot off the floor, his head is buried in her neck and she hears him breathe in deeply. He forgets his strength somewhat but she likes it.

Edward tries to smother his voice in her hair but Bella still hears his small, "I missed you" and it melts her heart.

She doesn't say anything, she only relieves him of the torture she's put him through.

Softly, Bella places a kiss on his forehead before wrapping one arm around his shoulders- the other raises her hand to rake through his bronze hair.

She knows he must've had it bad when he doesn't groan, lightly bat her hand away or reach up to fix it.

She holds him tighter at the realisation, his sigh (almost purr) of relief rumbles her own chest.

Bella decides cuddles before bed are (now) a must and Edward enthusiastically agrees.

On the condition she lets him buy her an electric blanket.

It's already on her bed the next night and he shows it off with a youthful and proud smile.

Bella mentally gushes over how adorable he is, thinking she never wants to repeat the last month.

She's thankful for the electric blanket because every night he holds her the whole time, combing his hands through her hair until she falls asleep.

Bella gets in the habit of tracing shapes on his arms and writing 'I love you' across his pale skin. She feels Edward shiver every time she curls the 'e' on 'love'. It becomes addictive.

She treats it like counting sheep- the most she's written it, before succumbing to dreams, is one-hundred-and-seven times.

But despite how nice it's been, a cheeky part of her can't resist another go around. Bella thinks, 'it's only fair I have something to hold over him as well'

From there on out, Bella checks the weather for sunny days every week, planning other ways to tease her clingy vampire boyfriend.

Edward decides he'd rather not know why she checks (getting a hunch). That's when he finally admits sometimes ignorance is bliss.

[zedecksiew]

EVANGELION

Neon Genesis Evangelion was my whole identity, when I was fifteen.

I was an angsty boy from a small town. I longed to have a fiery redhead be mean to me (or to just meet one); to be part of world-ending events (or to be part of a clique that mattered); to pilot a god (or to just feel powerful in my own body).

As I grew up I've managed to sublimate those longings, I guess?

All my middle-age aches tell me my body is friend who cannot be taken for granted; their are not a flesh-tool. On good writing days, I do feel like I make some meaning in the world.

And, while I've still never met a fiery redhead---I no longer see Westerners as aspirational, so meeting them now feels human instead of symbolic.

+

Last year I watched the Rebuild series through. I liked it! Parts of the new movies remind me of Shin Godzilla (my favourite Hideaki Anno work).

Some notes:

+

1. CAD leads to overdesign

True when Tim Burton got CGI; true when Games Workshop started to sculpt minis on computers; true for the nonsense Evas, Unit 05 onwards, and that over-busy flying SDF-1 knockoff. I mean, what the fuck am I looking at here???

And while some stuff like the Eva 07s are neat (they've got these skull + pharaoh-chin designs), it's moot because you can barely see them, because they only appear in scenes like this:

So dumb, so dumb.

The new angels were sick, though. Because when you overdesign by computer you pass into the realm of the inhuman, and the angels are supposed to be eldritch inhuman creatures.

Sahaquiel was my favourite re-designed angel. It got these ridges that look like leaping evangelical choirs.

+

2. Meta-indulgence

I've aged out of thinking that breaking the fourth wall is clever. I did like the meta stuff in last film, though? Calls back on the series finale + End of Evangelion. But crucially it felt really different.

It felt like a satisfying (and kinder!) end to the characters' stories; more satisfying closure for the fans. It felt like Anno was saying goodbye to his demons, putting the franchise to bed, and turning off the lights. Moving on.

(All instantly rendered moot when they announce a new Evangelion project / tie-in / whatever. Because of course they will. Because Capitalism.)

+

3. Rebuilding

The best part of Thrice Upon A Time is the first third of the film: minutiae from a community of survivors trying to pick themselves up from the end of the world. Planting rice, arranging hot baths, playing with pregnant cats.

Evangelion finally got some actual, undashed hope.

The whole movie could've just been this---the characters staying in this small town, dealing with their demons, learning how to feel and heal and actually live the lives that were stolen from them.

That would've been a really good way to end, honestly.

+

4. Child soldiers

The most obvious thing about Evangelion is this:

its protagonists, the pilots of the giant mechas, are emotionally and physically tortured preteens, gaslit and manipulated by every adult they meet.

This is a show about the use and abuse of children. My teenage self never clocked it. Hm, I wonder why!

Maybe because I didn't yet have the discursive tools to understand that stuff; 2000 was a different time, after all.

Maybe I didn't care. Surrogate mommy please kiss me and dangle that sex-carrot so I'll go kill the world, oh yeah! Use me, mommy!

Because when you're that young you'd do anything to be treated as important, as an adult. You want to be used, because being used means you are legitimate.

And nothing is as legitimate as suffering.

[cavejebus]

so for october i might be starting a tf2 x saw thing. idk i haven't even seen any of the movies except saw 3d lol. im just gonna ramble some ideas for the traps. also, so far i have down that the administrator is in the role of john kramer, and maybe miss pauling is like, billy??? it makes sense, trust me. ig obvious warning cuz it's like, saw. gets a little graphic as i describe it!!

medic - definitely something that has to do with all his medical malpractice.. like maybe some sort of surgery being done in him while he's awake?? dunno who would do the surgery on him, or if mr saw guy will build a thingy.

heavy - his love for his gun could be used against him. like, the thing he loves most will be the thing that ends him. not sure how he could get out of the trap and survive, but i don't want him to NOT survive. still thinkin.

engineer - ive had quite a few ideas, one being that the trap is just him giving himself the gunslinger. "cut off your own hand and replace it with this robot thingy" sounds like something straight outta saw. BUT he could also be one of those survivors that go crazy and help jigsaw. think abt it, Engie helps admin in the comics, even if he knows she's like crazy and stuff.. plus he could do all the jigsaw crazy engineering stuff FOR her... he was one of the first victims, which is evident since the trap would just be some saw and a gun to engie's head. maybe it's like "cut it off, put the gunslinger on, form an alliance with me, or get shot by my cute little miss pauling puppet :3"

soldier - head collection actually being useful somehow!! or his own head will be added to it, we'll see!! i would do something that has to do with merasmus but i honestly don't give a shit abt wizardry like how tf would jigsaw convince merasmus to be apart of it??? nah

demoman - alcohol?? bombs?? swords?? not sure exactly yet :P

scout - if im not mistaken, tf2 tumblr loves scout torture?? unless that's just twitter. either way, im not sure how scout's bitchiness could get him into a saw trap, all i can think of is some danganronpa type shit.

pyro - fire seems like the most obvious answer right? what would jigsaw do. it's known that pyro does enjoy fire, or at least has fun with it, so maybe it could go into the mask thing instead? like, peel off the mask. ok now peel off the skin.

sniper - he's kinda hard to think of, since the way he kills in game is very quick and easy. no suffering, like a good saw trap. plus, he's already died and stuff, he wouldn't even care abt being in a saw trap!!!! im stuck on this one.

spy - backstabbing is pretty rough ig.. some sort of challege, but the more time it takes for to do it, the more knives are slowly inserted into his back.

[demcnsinmymind]

@dyslexic-fool sent 39. Heartache - One Word Writing Prompts - Accepting!

who needs a short drabble when you can make this thing a freaking novel?????? All the Lasha feels.

Unlike all the others, Sasha's vanishing is a slow one.

Little by little. Bit by bit.

Like an infection. Spreading ever so slowly, digging deeper and deeper into her. Scratches, letters no longer just etched into her back, but seeping into her very essence. Mind. Lungs. Muscles. Bones. Her whole body. Taken over. Failing. Breaking apart.

It starts when she has trouble breathing. Probably just from all the moisture and mold down here, it's gonna be alright.

The blood she's coughing up begging to differ.

Then she has trouble walking. He does too. His feet are fucking killing him after god knows how many hours or even days of walking down corridors and stairs that don't make any sense. It's gonna be alright. Just a little bit further. You can do this. Keep walking.

Her weak knees and continued stumbling and tripping making it obvious that this is happening. That this is unstoppable.

For a while, he's doing the best he can with it. Walking slower at first. So it's easier for her to keep up with him. Then helping her walk. Supporting her. Keeping her battered and exhausted body upright. Tries to carry her next, when she keeps falling down. And he hates to admit it, but he's too weak to carry her. Can barely walk himself.

They need to stop and rest, he knows that, too. But still. He keeps them walking. Just a little while longer. The exit's gonna be there any minute now. You'll see.

Soon enough though, it's not just her back that's hurting anymore. Or their feet. His feet. Or his head from the lack of water. Or his eyes from the lack of sleep. It's his heart that's starting to ache too.

Because hers is a slow vanishing.

And he's getting to watch it live and in color. Slow motion. Getting slower still.

Crawling.

And he knows that keeping her going like this is just....cruel at this point. Every gasp that escapes her. Every sob and every whimper...drives that point home. Like a knife diving right into his chest. Every single time. Stab. Stab stab. More pain. Aching right along with her. Because even he has to admit that keeping her walking at this point is bordering on torturing her. A selfish thing to do. Just for his own sanity. Because - that he knows too- stopping...that will make her vanishing a definite fact.

A certainty.

But one he has to submit to eventually. For her sake.

Getting them stranded somewhere in the middle of this never ending tunnel. Stuck. Even more hours that make no sense. Is it even hours, still? Does something like that even exist in here anymore? Maybe it's been days. Or just a few minutes. Whatever the measure, he can feel her getting weaker and weaker...and weaker with each passing of it. Not just that, but she's getting colder, too. Like a corpse at this point. Even with his jacket wrapped up tightly around her small figure.

He tries to keep her in good spirits next. Be there. Comfort her. Because what else can he do now? Keeps talking and talking, not just to the camera, but to her. About the most random shit. Laughing, chuckling, smiling and whatever he can do to try and keep their spirits high.

Hey, remember that time Matt went skinny dipping in that filthy motel pool and the receptionist dragged him out and threatened to sue his skinny ass. Hey, remember Houston's terrible Hamlet reenactment. You know, I never told you but I really liked when you stayed over and forced me to just watch a movie with you. Remember that stupid twist in there? You got so mad at me for 'not getting it'. And he keeps talking and talking and talking even when he knows, no, feels that she's out of it by now, doesn't respond anymore, doesn't seem to even hear.

He keeps it right up anyway, because slowly but surely, it seems like the state of his sanity's directly tied to just that one single fact now. Her. Still being with him. Right by his side. Listening or not. Just living and breathing. Against his neck at first. Then his shoulder. Then his chest. Then his lap. As she crumbles in on herself more and more. Falling asleep at last. After days of not being able to at all. That's a good thing. It's not her dying. Just falling asleep. A deep sleep by the feel of it.

Breath shallow, but steady against him. Not stirring in his arms which he's keeping around her like an iron cage, falling silent. Just watching her. Pale face still speckled with blood. Looking so tired. The sight of her has him on the verge of breaking, breaking, breaking all over again, but not quite yet. Not yet. Never. Because he still has her to look out for. To keep encouraging. To keep going. To cling to. So that's what he does.

I need you to do this with me. I can't do this alone.

He told her, not too long ago. Somewhere over there. No...there. A shaky sigh. Eyes traveling up at the ceiling instead. Red from crying and lack of sleep, but narrowing. A mixture of desperation and determination.

You're not taking her from me, too. Not her.

He's telling the building now. All around him. Making noises. Ominous, but distant. Almost subdued by now, down here. Like it's just watching them. Waiting. After having taken so much already.

Matt.

Somewhere back there in complete darkness.

On the ground like that. Covered in blood. Head and limbs at a weird angle. Eyes wide open and unblinking. That had almost been enough to crack him the first time. But not quite yet. No, not yet. Not after T.C. either. In that bathtub. In a rush of blood. Or Houston. One second he's behind them, then he's just....gone. All of them. Gone. So suddenly. So abruptly. So...violently.

But everything has been slowing down to a crawl now. Ever since Matt fell. And she's still here now. In his arms. Hasn't been taken so abruptly. Not letting her go. And even though he's starved, thirsty, exhausted and at the absolute bottom, Lance is still an optimist at heart. And he's starting to think that maybe, this is just it.

Her vanishing is a slow one.

Crawling.

One that he can still halt. Hold on to. Suspend.

Just enough for them to be found. Or for him to find the exit. Soon. It has to be down here after all. Kenny said the tunnels connected all the buildings together. So soon enough...they'll pass a threshold. The threshold. Where this fucked up building ends and the others start. Normal ones. And they'll get out of here. And he'll get help for her. She'll be helped. By people who are physically strong enough to bring her to safety down that last mile. Carry her right out of here.

No. Fuck it. He'll carry her himself. Tomorrow. They're getting out of here. She's getting out of here. And he most definitely is.

All he has to do is rest. So fucking tired. Get his strength back. For her. For them. They can do this. Anything happens? He'll be woken up anyway. By more screaming. And running. That's the way they've all been taken, right? And who knows.

Maybe it doesn't want to take her. Maybe it is done playing with them now. Maybe it got what it wanted with Matt. And T.C. and Houston. A thought in itself that almost fucking breaks him, too. His mind. His soul. His fucking heart. Making him cry all over again, cling to her harder.

But hey, at this stage...he'll take anything. If them having been chewed up means that at least she gets to make it out of this alive....let it be this way. A horrifying, but necessary sacrifice to one fucked up fucking monster. He can take it. He will take it.

They will get out of here. Away from it. Take their chance.

This time, it's exhaustion.

Sleep. Taking him abruptly. Without warning.

Arms still wrapped around her small figure in his lap. Going limp. For just a second. Or a minute. Or an hour or however long. Just a second. He'll keep telling himself for years to come. Just a second and she's gone. In a cloud of smoke and nothingness.

Taking the last remnants of his sanity right with him.

It's the first time he experiences true and unfiltered, utter heartache. Heartbreak. Waking up. Not finding her. Needing her. Suffering. Instantly despairing. Screaming her name over and over again only to find himself.... alone.

I need you to do this with me. I can't do this alone.

That's what he'd told her and in a fucked up way...he, or they or it, whatever this fucking monster is...it seems to have heard the message. Acted on it. Twisting it just like everything else it does in here. Time. Corridors. Tunnels. Halls, his mind and even.....people.

Her vanishing, a slow one.

But never quite a full one.

Its twisted form of mercy on him. The only survivor now.

Because even now, in this room, at night, she's still there. Keeps coming right back to him. In the corner sometimes. Words upon words upon words framing her like a halo on yellow walls. A true testament to his state of a failing, shattered mind. Staring at him with bloodshot red eyes, past tear stained cheeks. Front of her white robe stained red from the blood coming out of her mouth in a steady flow.

Ice cold hands and fingers digging into his chest and stomach next. When she's right behind him in the excuse of a bed, making it creak from the weight of two people who shouldn't even be here. She most definitely shouldn't be and he knows she's not, but still.

It sounds real. The way she's making the bed creak with each shiver and shake from her body. Her sobbing. Coughing. Crying. Begging for her mom. Shouting into his ear, asking him all these questions he keeps asking himself over and over again, too. Why'd you lock the door, Lance? Why did you keep shooting your stupid show even when we started dying? Why did you tell me we'd get out of here when we're still here, will always be here because of you? Why did you let them take me? Why did you fall asleep. Why...

Icecold fingers digging deeper and deeper into the skin covering his stomach, oh the beauty of the pain of starvation, and his chest, oh the beauty of true and gutwrenching grief and heartache.

Just like in those tunnels, her hands on him, her body against his, her dying breath in his ear is gone each time that he wakes up, turns around to look at her.

Alone and in a bed, room, building, time he does not belong in.

But right now? In this very moment? Despite the pain, the terror, the guilt?

It's an act of punishment, of mercy from it that he'll gladly take. That pain the only true reminder of what once was, could've been. Should've been. That she was there. That she was real. That they all were real. In 2003. Despite what everyone, what Friedkin wants him to believe.