#maybe that's why it's so resilient
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What drawing tablet do you use? And from an economic perspective would you recommend one with or without a screen?
The wacom intuos pro has been with me for 11 years now. Personally I'm more comfortable with a screenless tablet, and I've been to stores/conventions where they had tablets with screens on display but it felt so weird, it's just not my cup of tea. My teacher used to say "If you feel comfortable with a tool, keep using it" he is very talented and I know he used a cheap wonky tablet but it worked just fine. Some artists paint with a mouse, some don't even use digital tools. So if you're asking me to recommend you a product, I'm afraid I can't. You're the one holding the pen so decide which machine will be best suited for you (。•̀ᴗ-)✧
#anon ask#ask box#to be deleted later#personal#all my friends have tablets with screens and they've been trying to convert me for years but it's not working#it's very subjective#like having a nice setup is great#and i was tempted to buy a high tech tablet that cost so much money and then i realized#my tablet works....just fine#that tablet went through my deviantart years#the superwholock years#that tablet saw things#maybe that's why it's so resilient
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Okay wait I’m suddenly 100% bought in on Moiraine and Siuan being Birgitte-Gaidal Cain style soulmates, meaning that Siuan is right now in TAR waiting for Moiraine. The promises of “in this life or the next” and “I’ll find you/I’ll wait for you every time” are not just about the cyclical turning of the wheel, but come from the fact that Moiraine and Siuan literally do this over and over and in between they wait together in TAR. Siuan is in TAR, she knows who Moiraine is, and now she just has to wait for her to return to her. Siuan Sanche does wait for only one woman, after all!
That reconciles Rafe’s comments about us seeing Siuan again (and maybe even the angel emoji??) and his comment that you can already tell how they set up their endgame, without it being reduced to flashbacks and a brief epilogue moment which feels really trite and glib and not meeting the moment. He also calls them soulmates in that Q&A 👀
Plus we’ve already seen them in dreams together. Siuan clearly has a connection to the dream world. Even their ter’angreal hut was a world of their own creation that they visited at night. The roles that they play in the narrative are roles that we need over and over if we are to defeat the dark - they are the instigation, the inspiration. They don’t just show us a beautiful love story of dedication and sacrifice, but they are the very water that turns the wheel and thus a cornerstone of every age.
#sorry for being so slow to figure this out I now understand what everyone was saying#for some reason I was imagining them trying to MAKE them into these types of soulmates like over the course of the show#which I liked but didn’t feel like it would work or fit what rafe was saying#making them heroes of the horn was confusing to me in particular because they’re not really warriors (although they do fight)#but if they *already are* this way it changes a lot#they don’t have to be heroes they can just be like fated soulmates the pattern puts out over and over to stop the world from breaking#and also makes siuan’s death the tiniest bit less sad and maybe explains part of why rafe doesn’t get why we are all so upset#because to him siuan is alive in tar#to be clear I am still very mad they killed siuan and especially with HOW they killed her!!!#I am still mad we are losing her resiliency arc!!#but I think I could handle this enough to still enjoy her on the show#if I can handle moiraine suffering with siuan dead is still tbd#wheel of time#siuan sanche#wot season 3 spoilers#wot book spoilers#moiraine damodred#siuan sanche waits for only one woman
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nobody wants to live in my beautiful world with me where the items you make at the end of this quiz are actively malicious and fucked up. on the one hand i literally never said it was metal. on the other hand if you put a bunch of blood into stone and wood and ended up with a metal ring that started changing shape on its own then it's probably got some other issues that might make it difficult to cut it don't you think? "stone and wood and blood don't make a ring" buddy at what point in your time in this workshop that had a literal magic wand in it did you think it was going to be rooted in reality. do you want me to tell you It's A Cursed Magical Ring? kill all the fun and mystique of it? where's your fucking whimsy
#so fucking silly when people complain like this on my quizzes. baby you took the rest of the quiz. idk why you were surprised by the result#walks into the poem uquiz. does the poem questions of the poem uquiz. gets upset that the answer of the poem uquiz is poetic#maybe my ass is getting trapped in the narrative when you would just walk out but at least i would be a gorgeous compelling character#i know that little poem uquizzes are never going to please everyone. i have to constantly tell myself this#as i'm trying to write in things with like. plausible deniability to soothe the cynical masses.#however. damn bitch literally who asked lmao#i agree you are not the target audience <3 i don't think this makes you particularly special though <3#it is absolutely not necessary for me to get heated at this kind of thing. i'll do it this one time as a treat though lmao#you guys cannot imagine how strong i am getting these kinds of comments on my writing and not posting about it...#i am god's most beautiful resilient soldier all the time for real...#valentine notes#workshop quiz#ALSO. I KNOW SOME PEOPLE HAVE NEVER MADE A UQUIZ.#EACH QUESTION ANSWER HAS A RESULT ATTACHED AND AT THE END IT TALLIES UP WHICH RESULT YOU GOT THE MOST OF.#IT'S NOT A DIRECT CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE. IT AVERAGES OUT INTO SOMETHING.#CHOOSING SPECIFIC INGREDIENTS DOES NOT GUARANTEE A SPECIFIC KIND OF RESULT. I DON'T CONTROL THINGS THAT CLOSELY.#IT'S A UQUIZ I DON'T GET TO ENSURE THAT EVERYONE WHO CHOSE STONE GETS A STATUE... CHRIST...#i knewwwww people would bitch about that when i made the quiz. still annoys me though lmao
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nadakhan would've gotten the best of the monkie kids so fast
all of them have something they desperately want (exc maybe sandy he would hold out until it came down to saving people), something they would wish for
#lego ninjago#ninjago#ninjago nadakhan#lego monkie kid#lmk#monkie kid#tbh i think mei would be the one to undo it all#partially bc she and jay are both lightning#but she's also so resilient#and i think it would be neat if she had a bit of an ao lie moment#and wouldnt know what she would wish for and keep hesitating#and maybe she would resent that in herself#bc she's always been the one to take action but why can't she do so now when everyone needs her most?
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tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things
#sounds kinda obvious but i only just realized it lmao#feels like i have to grieve a lot of my goals now but no one said the healing process would be easy#danbles#and for anyone else that has a disability that prevents them from doing smth#or trauma that makes certain triggers limit their opportunities#or neurotypes that make it harder for them to love smth like they used to#or whatever else#i don’t want to make it sound like you have to give up on the things that make you happy#I’M certainly not going to#but a huge value of mine has always been experiencing everything life had to offer#and everytime that backfires (whether it’s burnout; triggering a flashback; triggering an episode; putting strain on my body; etc)#i always just thought to myself ‘it was bad timing’ or ‘i haven’t gotten better yet’ bc the endgoal was to always get to that point where#i could experience it. i want to try new things all the time. i want to feel normal and be included in everything#but if smth keeps Making Me Feel Bad then maybe there isn’t a version of myself that can take it on#it’s not resilience to put yourself in harm’s way#idk how well i’ll be able to put this into practice tbh. i rly rly like exploring different experiences#even negative ones are valuable to me#but the least i can do for myself is recognize that i might not always be the problem#maybe i’ve already hit the limit on all the self-work i can do. maybe it’s the environment or situation itself that’s the problem#fuuck guys i feel like i’m going thru a stage of grief here why is this shit so hard 💀
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struggling again with extreme artblock and general demotivation (as in nothing seems fun or appealing and you sit around staring at nothing doing nothing bc apparently no matter what i do whether drawing or not drawing i end up like this now)
i started to watch skitties totk video (again) and wrote a big post about how much i hate how the gorons are treated there but saved it as a draft like i have been doing with several rants now in order to not spam people with it over and over
but it does end up feeling like talking to a wall and just kinda .. increasing this looming feeling of extreme loneliness i have been fighting with for .... since i left school really..
#ganondoodles talks#personal#i know i know this is my own doing#i never go out and have enormous trouble keeping in contact with people or answering messages#i never ever mean it mean#it feels like my battery is never above 10% charged no matter what i do#and answering messages often takes too much#which just makes this whole problem worse#its like a spiral making everything worse and idk how to fight it#maybe meds would help me#but if i have trouble even answering an ask i cant try to start the process of getting diagnosed with whatever hundreds of things-#-that are wrong with me#also being afraid of being put under surveillance or something for it doesnt help either#also fearing wrong meds doing wrong things bc i am weird#also afraid of not taking any meds bc that can reduce your lifespan if you are weird like me or something#which ........................... adds dread and guilt and doesnt help either#sometimes i wonder how i am evn still alive#the only reasons why are probably -luck- and being too much of a coward to end it all back when i was at the worst point of my life#bc i am not strong or resilient and getting through the worst .. so far .. hasnt made me stronger- just weaker and more pathetic#idk why im rambling all this in the tags- it must be exhausting to read .. i know it is#ill just go back to staring at a wall
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Catching up with the manga during spring break after studying relentlessly only to see pairs in shambles. I feel like the community fire gif right now, LMAO.
#why is reo always suffering#istg he's the one person we see in tears the most#i don't blame reo at all#or nagi even for how things turned out#ego notably blames the two of them for what happened buuuut#“it was already withered up then”#“his talent will never blossom again”#“but you continued to water it and believe otherwise”#the real problem was manshine city#nagi ended up in the wrong place to train him#because he had not only reo#but chris prince and agi actively looking out for him#so they watered him even more so to speak#and as foreshadowed by baya#nagi is the same way as choki#he shouldn't be overwatered#but i don't think it's the end for him#after all according to floriography#cacti represent endurance resilience and persistence#in hanakotoba it also represents lust which has nothing to do with this but i'm just throwing it out there for... reasons#besides he is associated with the death tarot card#which we know signifies transformations changes and endings#the losers gate shouldn't mean anything#i mean kunigami walked through those gates and he came back#who knows if we'll have another wild card situation on our hands hehe~#withered cacti can be rebloomed depending on the severity of the damage and cause of the wilting#in nagi's case he's just waterlogged as hell from the way reo and manshine trained him#just leave it out to dry and address the areas of rot and repot it and it'll be fine to rebloom#ego's already addressed the rotted areas and ensured proper drainage and if we do another wild card thing then that solves the repotting#but who knows maybe my love of plants and floriography has gone too far because i love nagireo as well and i'm trying to cope LMAO
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Wifeplot #XXX: The Bell Of True Origins
The PIDW origin story (heh) of the pivotal artifact of my Scum Villain fic "on all my dying days (I swear)"!!! This is quite long, so the rest is under the cut <3
The Plot: The Bell of True Origins is a small bronze bell which, when rung, reverts the user in form to what they looked like when they experienced a turning point in their life, and brings them back to their current self once rung again
Specifically, it casts a mental manipulation spell on the user to subconsciously create a self-perpetuated illusion of that past self. This means that the illusion might not be a perfect recreation-- the illusion might be better-looking or thinner than they really were at that point. Or, if you're, say, Yue Qingyuan reconstructing what you felt like while qi deviating to death in a cave, even bloodier!
The Wife: Li Shuangjie is a non-cultivator whose younger twin sister (Shuangjue-- you can throw rocks at me for the name puns now) was killed was by some villainous rogue cultivator many years ago, and she's been hunting for revenge since
MANY years ago. Lsj is, at the LEAST, in her thirties, but I've been imagining her in her mid fifties. Battle between Airplane and pidw fans' perceptions of older women vs mine akdkfk
Lsj narrows in on this villain, finally, at just the time Bingge happens to roll into town. She befriends Bingge at an inn pub (he's undercover as a regular guy and is doing spywork for himself or something, idk). They hit it off, and Bingge is intrigued by how lsj clearly has something going on, though she won't share what. Lsj is drawn to him too, but she's too on-edge and too focused about being on the cusp of achieving vengeance to fall for his flirtations. (Yet)
Lsj comes across the Bell of True Origins-- I'm imagining an unscrupulous merchant pawning it off to her without explaining what it does besides it nominally being a cultivation tool-- and it reverts her to the dashing twentysomething year old she'd been when her sister was murdered
Lsj can't risk ringing the bell again, because to her knowledge this just deaged her by full decades, and she can't afford blipping herself out of existence, not now. But her efforts to find that shitty merchant again are unsuccessful, so her plan is now ruined; the rogue cultivator wouldn't have recognized her at her real age, but he'll definitely recognize her current appearance. She's devastated, and she goes back to that pub in abject shock and despair, at a loss for what else to do
Lsj meets Bingge again, who immediately recognizes her despite her looking oh so different, and she breaks down and confesses everything. Bingge valiantly swears to carry out her revenge instead, to lsj's astonishment
He indeed kills the villain and returns to lsj at her room in the inn (I'd say with the guy's severed head, but idk if Airplane can write romance like that)
At this point lsj has of course fallen madly in love with Bingge, and she tearfully tells him that he's done her a great service and there is nothing she can do to repay him
Obviously, Bingge proceeds to reveal that he's the Junshang and hits her with a few devastating come-ons, but lsj protests that this isn't her ~true~ self and he couldn't possibly want the real her
Bingge somehow produces the Bell of True Origins (he definitely murdered the guy who gave it to her) and solemnly tells her how it works, giving her the chance to use it on herself again
After great and serious contemplation, lsj decides to keep her young hot body, in the name of reliving the life she could not while hunting for her sister's murderer. She and Bingge immediately have sex. End of arc <333
This is widely seen as one of the more feminist wife acquisitions solely bc lsj is a milf and Bingge, gasp, even generously gave her the opportunity to keep looking the part!!!
Peerless Cucumber, of course, furiously reviled the arc for the ill-defined effects and unreasonable strength of the artifact, for stealing lsj's chance at the final blow against the man who ruined her life, and for lsj's personality doing a 180 as soon as she turned young again. But he did appreciate that Bingge and lsj actually spoke like companions before the arc devolved to papapa, and he thought her reasoning to stay young was actually pretty decent, even if it was obviously another sign of Airplane's lack of integrity 🙄
There was so much fanart and fanfiction about what the bell would do to Bingge. Hahahaha.
#to be clear-- shuangjie 双姐 almost literally means 'twin sister' and shuangjue 双珏 means 'a pair of two pieces of jade'#just so many twin puns. because airplane sucks. this is on him and not me okay#<- if any native speakers wanna correct me please please do though lmao; i'm not sure if shuangjie really reads like a name#bc my faith in the site i use for naming has been shaken 💔#also i picked li bc it means plum but also symbolizes resilience which i like for lsj!#my writing#my posts#svsss#svsss fanfic#on all my dying days (i swear)#why did the bell work on a noncultivator? well you see. i don't know either okay#also after the arc maybe lsj keeps the bell but removes the clapper? things to think about#dying days
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I love being a pathetic little Tumblr meow meow irl. I've had multiple people get kicked out of friend groups I'm in over and over bc they showed their true colours--aka they couldn't resist bullying someone so pathetic when coming across them and when everyone realizes that they weren't as progressive as they thought they're immediately excommunicated from the friend group.
#its 2 am and i cant sleep and i have a fever so im poasting#its always queer discoursers who go feral on sight for some reason#i get that my identity is like. THE queer discoursers worst nightmare. but its happened THREE TIMES#i have a PROTOCOL AT THIS POINT#literally just step back and dont respond and let them cannibalize on themselves as they try to either double down or make excuses.#they just tell on themselves worse and then leave after throwing a fit bc they couldnt lie about being progressive anymore#for those curious. the labels i personally like and share with others are polyamorous. asexual. he/they/it boydyke. femme transmasc.#basically if tumblr has had a hate campaign against a queer group im more than likely part of it. and ppl see this and assume im weak.#except im not! i would be dead if i werent resilient bestie! im like the problematic coquette cockroach in your walls!#and you cant exterminate me bitch! bigger people in my life have tried and failed! my own mother almost took me out more than once!#you think some mean words against my identity will make a genuine dent in my psyche?? for more than maybe two minutes??#sure yall can genuinely trigger my cptsd snd make me cry and panic. but so can my upstairs neighbors toddler when she jumps too loud.#so can the toddler that loves upstairs when she jumps too hard when playing. are yall really gonna stoop to a toddlers level?#to insult someone you dont even care about their existence besides that you disagree with their identity?#im terminally online and even i think this type of person needs a hobby at this point. and thats sad#its not a bother outside of the general turbulence it sometimes brings but the fsct that its happened 3 times makes me think its not over 💀#like once is chance. twice is a coincidence. thrice? in three separate groups ???? yeah nah this is a concerning pattern at this point lol#fool me once shame on you. fool me twice shame on me. fool me three times? why are you lying to me so much 🥺
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i am fucking begging whatever gods there are that this is the start of my life turning around. even if it’s at glacial pace
#this month has been. Something. but i’ve learned a lot and i am trying so hard to do the things i need to do#it felt like a breaking point but maybe that needed to happen so i could get up again#i have been granted what seems to be incredible luck and im trying to do as much as i can with it#i just hope this pays off and isnt another fucking round of oh life is a bit better i have a bit of direction i feel a bit hopeful#to everything being ripped away from me yet again#i feel like im processing a lot. and hopefully that means with some effort i will finally move past it#all i can ask for is the strength and resilience to see it through bc no matter what luck or opportunity i may be afforded it ultimately is#up to me to pursue it#im so overwhelmed lol i feel like im going to explode. but if i make it past this i feel like it will be good for me#oh im so extremely yappy today APOLOGIES. there is 5 million trains of thought in my head#ive really got to get an adhd assessment and see if stimulants might be helpful bc my god it is such a mess up there.#yap yap yap anyway. thats this installment of ash feels slightly hopeful we’ll see if it sticks#something changed. i just dont know what or why exactly and i am begging for it to be a good thing
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My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It
#blue chatter#they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity#I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit#and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned#I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will#I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me#uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight#and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need#to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told#that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily#even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though#I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right#which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing#I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was#definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.
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this is the information that we had about D dog. that's the info on her page (put through a translator, but its accurate) regarding how she is with other animals, and during the interview reactivity was only mentioned as a possibility not as a known fact about this dog. only dog? no problem. no cats? even less of a problem. potential for reactivity? sure. it can happen with any dog. known aggression towards other dogs? why the hell are you waiting for people to apply and go through a fucking interview before letting them know a week later that they're not fit for this dog and that that's the reason why. all that does is give people false hopes and upset that could be avoided by clear, direct, honest communication of a dog's issues/challenges. i heard about the specific language/way of wording things shelters and rescues use but i had hoped it wouldnt be a universal thing, at least not something i'd experience myself. turns out i was wrong!
maybe im being immature and unfair to these people, they probably dont all have the same amount of knowledge of the dogs and communicating all that inbetween volunteers/workers/and us can be difficult. but im angry and im allowed to express that ffs.
#mine#back to puppy plans and not terribly happy about it and not optimistic either#(more than)half expecting every breeder we get in touch with to assume we're in it for the looks or cool factor#or that we wont be active or involved enough and basically tell us to fuck off in polite terms#idk if im resilient enough to have to explain how invested and enamored i am with those breeds over and over only to be rejected -#- because i wasnt born doing 50 diffferent sports with a dog#maybe im wrong and it'll be a great and supportive experience. find that hard to imagine at this point though#which is also why im trying and mostly failing to think about other things right now. bc ik this isnt a good mindset to be in.#i just want a dog. why does it have to be so fucking complicated#it seemed like we were finally going somewhere and we werent and this whole deal was pretty much all for nothing
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sorry i just. need to rant for a second
#cause dude the whole joost situation is SO fucking upsetting#he's mentioned over and over again how overwhelming this whole overnight success thing has been for him and to respect his boundaries#and instead of yk respecting his wishes “fans” go and make things worse by constantly overstepping and being creepy and weird like hello???#like why can't we all just be normal and take a step back and enjoy things#these people are gonna end up driving him off the internet and i wouldn't blame him one bit#and the worst part is the people who should get the memo obviously don't (or refuse to) bc this isn't an isolated instance#like its been going on for a while now#idk man i just think about how hard it must be for him rn#one of the things that turned me into a joost fan (besides his music) was his personality#like i obviously dont know him on a personal basis#but from the little bits ive seen he comes across as a really genuine and sweet and kind dude#super thoughtful as well. like i just love the way he thinks and his take on things#like i remember watching his eurovision interviews and just thinking oh man this dude's a ray of sunshine LMFAO#also the literal definition of resilience like dude's been through so much stuff and hes always managed to come out on top despite of it#and thats something i really admire about him too. like the way he put it as not letting your traumas be just that#but also something that can drive you forward#but yeah dude's had more than enough like he deserves to be happy and have some peace and ppl keep ruining it for him and it makes me upset#like i actually slept like shit last night and woke up feeling terrible and i wonder if what went down yesterday w the whole live thing#has anything to do with it lmfao#and you may be like ok well youre taking it too personally and letting it affect you#and yeah maybe youre right LOL but i cant help it i care about the guy and i want him to be okay#he seems to have a really good support system though so i hope things blow over soon and he can finally have some peace#anyway. rant over! 💋#raquel speaks
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Having a hard time with the whole queerphobe situation. Could use all the hugs I can get.
#I don't know why it's hitting me so hard#Maybe it's because it's the first time since I realized I was queer that someone said to my face “I hate you and I wish you didn't exist”#And because I thought she was my friend#I have to go run errands today but I'm a crying mess#You guys are so strong and resilient#I wish I could just shake it off and keep going like a lot of you have
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ugggghhh ok so I’m reading some books to prep for my student teaching in the fall, the ones that my host teacher knows are likely to be in the curriculum, and first of all why is it a thing that high schoolers are made to read Contemporary Lit Fic that can be summed up as “how many gory explicit descriptions of traumatic abuse can we fit into one book”, like every year it’s just One Standard Shakespeare Play, One Twentieth-Century American Classic, throw in some other shit, and Somebody’s Fucked-Up Memoir From A Decade Or So Ago. Are there any contemporary books that are good but NOT traumatizing? If not, I’m happy to stick to classic lit personally
ANYWAY so I’m reading this book to prep for the fall and I ended up skimming the whole latter 3/4 or so of the book to spoil it for myself so the suspense wouldn’t kill me, and now I’m up late despite being super tired because my brain is just cycling through every horrific thing in the book, plus the reviews I read online, some of which are insanely saying shit like “wah wah, get over it, stop whining, we all had rough times in our childhood” and I’m like... Am I the softest, most naive baby on the planet for reacting to this horrific memoir by feeling bad for the author and thinking that maybe we don’t need to be making high schoolers read this? I’m not saying it’s not well-written- it is well-written, and well-structured, but Jesus Christ.
(also why are we allowed to make students read horrifying memoirs of abuse but god forbid they know that slavery happened in this country, but that’s a different issue altogether)
so yeah I now have managed to make my entire evening about Trying And Failing To Get Some Images Out of My Head, which sucks because I had a LOVELY day and was looking forward to some well-earned sleep, and also I’m gonna have to go back and read the entire book so that I’m able to teach it properly and know all the literary devices in it and shit. Cool cool cool
#this is the same classroom where i did my student observing and their 'holocaust book' was this book called sarah's key#which is also unnecessarily traumatizing but doesn't even have the decency to be written well#and i asked my host teacher like 'hey. do we provide any like... emotional support to the students when they read That Scene'#and she was like 'yeah i have them write a response paper about their emotions reading the scene'#and idk i'm not 100% sure that's enough?#i know high schoolers put on a big song and dance about how edgy they are and how they can handle seeing any fucked-up shit#and some of them really do unfortunately have to live with fucked-up shit for real#but like. they're still humans? who are growing and developing? let's maybe give them breathing room with these things?#i love my host teacher she's great but i'm not confident she's gonna provide a lot of emotional support re: this memoir to the students#she's also way tougher and more resilient than i am. and so are most of the students tbh. i'm a tiny baby kitten and i know this#still i feel like we should probably allow some room for acknowledging Yeah That Was Fucked Up Huh#It's Normal To Feel Sad Now Actually#ANY THE FUCKING WAY. wish i'd gone to sleep early like i planned#at least it's the weekend tomorrow and all i have to do is go prove i don't have tuberculosis. again!!!!#(not that i had tuberculosis before. i just got tested before but it was over 6 months ago so not good enough)#that's also for student teaching!#i feel like my personal posts on this blog are just a psa on why not to become a teacher#i swear i love teaching lol but i love kvetching more#written by me
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well moving everything i owned into storage required six hours four uber rides there four delayed bus x tram rides back and it rained 90% of the time including five minutes of ice pellets bc there was a hailstorm BUT!!!! i did it!!!!!
#truly i did not think i had the physical or mental strength to do it#but i am the bravest and most resilient girl alive!#ive been looking and looking for the Lesson in everything that’s happened in the past three months#and while i do think it was a good practice in accepting pain and discomfort and anxiety without immediately trying to squash it down#i also think maybe i don’t need to assign meaning to every experience i can allow myself to trust the universe#but ALSO i believe more than ever that nature rewards courage#like last time i apartment hunted i applied to 80 places over four months#and that’s part of why i was so afraid to get out of the current situation#but as soon as i committed to leaving and started the lease termination process#i found my new place in literally one week on the first try#it’s a little expensive and a shoebox but it’s SO CUTE and the location is incredible#and it’s ALL MINE!!!!#i <3 letting go of the need for control over the future and allowing things to happen as they will#esp bc i have proven ONCE AGAIN that i am incredibly resilient and capable and brave and can face every challenge life throws at me
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