#maybe someday ill find a way. who knows

[saintadeline]

Finally got to work on something I've been wanting to do for ages, the research hall patients' harness :)

(for context/ingame 👇)

[tchaikovskym]

I feel like I should play DnD. I think if I played it, I would unlock something in my life.

[usagiarchive]

what is love? — jing yuan x reader (in the eyes of yanqing)

"Ooh, maybe someday, could it happen to me too? When will it be? Who will it be? I wanna know, know, know, know, what is love?" — TWICE

sypnosis. [ 0.4k words. fluff. family. ] — When asked on the question of love, Yanqing thinks of his parents.

“Mama, what is love?”

You turn your attention to the little boy snuggled into your side as you read him a Xianzhou fairytale.

“What do you think love is, honey?”

The kid pondered for a moment before answering, “You and Dad are love!”

The joy he displayed on his face melted your heart and you couldn't help but bundle him up in your arms.

“Really? How so?”

“Don't you and Dad love each other? Isn't that love?”

You smiled and laughed a little, “That's an action, sweetheart, we love each other, it's not really a meaning, sweet boy,”

He tilted his head at you like a seal, very confused.

“The meaning of love and being in love are two different things, honey,” you tell him, not knowing how to approach the subject of love with a four-year old child.

“Think of it this way, let's think of love as your swords, Swords and using your swords are two different things, right?”

The child blinks up at you, “Mama, I understand… but at the same time I don't…”

You laughed and gave him a kiss on his forehead, “I'll explain when you're older, but for now… bedtime!”

…

Yanqing doesn't remember the interaction now that he's grown older, but if he thinks about what love is for him, you'd find his answer the same.

Love for him, was you and his Dad.

In the way that you learned to love tea as he did, even if you didn't like it at all, detested it at first, all because he loves it and you love him.

In the way his Dad never let you do anything when he's around, during grocery runs he'd lift all the bags and just let you hold his hand, during your weekend dates, he'd never let you worry about anything.

In the way you'd immediately get a pillow and a blanket if you find him sleeping in the patio (and most of the time join him), because he always complains about the crick in his neck he always has when he wakes up.

In the way he'd never seen the two of you have a serious fight, not in front of him at least, or not long enough that he'd notice because the two of you resolved anything within minutes of talking.

In the way his Dad would always peel an orange for you to share, “A half for your Mom, a half for me”, even if you'd go for a second orange, half of it will always be the other’s.

So yeah, if ever you'd ask Yanqing what love is. His answer would be you and Dad.

And maybe… he thinks as he pictures a certain spitfire girl that burrowed her way into his heart, maybe he can find a love like that, too…

usagi's note: december has been so incredibly kind to me (aside from me breaking my foot and not getting sunday) it's actually been so nice, ive met more people in this app and people here are so supportive and nice! i think ill enjoy this more hehe, merry christmas guys :))

also guys how do you do the tiny text thing? im so interested and i kinda wanna try that type of format in my works.

@usagiarchive 2024. do not repost, translate, or use for AI.

[fallow-grove]

MISSION SUCCESS!

the inner machinations of my pants are an enigma

[ara-the-great]

cruelty

(not edited or proof read)

Cruelty was a part of every human being. Sylus knew this the best. Whoever met him deemed him the cruelest of all, except you. except this tiny little woman of his. he knew that you knew what he had done and will continue to do as the leader of onychhinus and yet he sensed no fear, no deeming him as cruel- except a in the instances when he stole your ice-cream or withheld from kissing you . it didnt make sense to him. the only conclusion he could draw was you were the same as him. true kindred spirits. after all he noticed that you did not even blink at him leveling out buildings with people still in it. how you barely even looked away when he shoots someone dead. how for a moment there is a gleam of insanity in those mesmerizing eyes of yours. he wanted to bring it up, he wanted to see all of you so he stared taking you to more and more meetings and deals. waiting, craving to see that gleam in you.

he had thought his cruelty would repeal you, you lived a righteous life after all. you were a upstanding citizen, you didn't even have a speeding ticket. and yet he recognized that ember of insanity and cruelty in you. how? who? why? when?

"sylus, what are you thinking about with such a face?" you asked approaching him

"what ever do you mean?" he smiled trying his best to conceal his thoughts. he was sure you tell him or even better show him someday.

"you look like you are going to kill someone. if you keep furrowing your eyebrows like that you'll get permanent wrinkles and then everyone will be more scared of you" you teased as your fingers smoothed out his so called wrinkles.

"what can i do? I am scary my love. it comes with the job" he chuckled as he took your hands to press a kiss on your palms.

"really? you scary? i don't see it. i think you are absolutely beautiful " you said kissing the top of one of his eyes as you sat in his lap.

"don't go tonight. stay. stay with me. i promise ill make it worth your time" he husked as he nuzzled into your shoulder. his muscular arms wrapping around you. you were sylus's anchor, his peace, his light.

"you know i have work tomorrow sylus. i cant stay here"

"hmm then maybe i should go to linkon with you" he mused

"you know, you can't do that. plus don't you have a dealing tomorrow?" you laughed patting is back as consolation.

"maybe i should change my occupation. to hell with all this. I'll sell fruit in linkon and go by skye and maybe then i would not have to part with you" he kissed the pulse that seemed to quickened with his words almost drunk off of your scent. "would you like that?" seeming absolutely serious.

"S-sylus you know you cant "

"would you like that though? just imagine you'll have me beside you every morning and every night." he said dragging his mouth from neck to the corner of your mouth.

"i wouldnt be so cruel to make you give up all that you have built with you own hands"

"oh sweetie, be as cruel as you like, you know i like it when you are cruel . if you asked me to build an empire from nothing, id do it for you a thousand times over. use me but just stay by me. that's all." he placed a soft kiss on your forehead. he could practically feel how pleased the thought made you. "plus cruelty suits you more than you think"

"what is that supposed to mean?" you didnt know whether to be offended or flattered

"it means i have seen the way your eyes shine with excitement whenever we are..... ruthless" he grinned finally finding the opportunity to bring it up

" What? You could tell? Im i that transparent? what can i say there is a strange beauty in it i suppose. It's also morbidly satisfying to see them beg after they insult us for no reason." you laughed. never thinking you'd be able to say it out loud.

"then why dont you accompany me to the deal tomorrow there is sure to be some action. i'll let you have your fun" he said leaning in to kiss you

"Omg would you really let me? such a generous offer who knew that mr. leader of onychinus was such a sweet lover" you teased as you kissed his cheeks in excitement unintentionally missing his kiss.

"And who knew ms. hunter was such a cruel woman?" he frowned clearly displeased by his stolen chance to kiss your lips

"shh its my secret to you" you pecked his lips with a laugh that rang trough his ears like twinkling fairy bells.

"and my sweetness is my secret to you" he said deepening your kiss.

[ssaluss]

Christmas dadow

Under the cut is just a little rant of mine, its about religion, christmas and myself so you can just not read, i just want to be brave for once.

Last warning, could be sensitive, just really personal under the cut.

Again its that time of year and i just don't feel it the way i did before, i can't say life is truly heavy cause i was blessed in a way not even other family members or even my parents were when they were younger, but it just lacks something? I guess childhood is finally over, and even tho i can still find some infant joy in life (wich is a thing im pretty afraid to see going away someday) i feel like i just lack the energy i had.

About religion i does have things with christmas, as a christian i have even more lack of energy seeing as its just a commercial holiday and all, i umderstand about the grattitude stuff and all, but what about the year long we lived till now? Shouldn't we be grateful? reach out to the people we care most? I guess i don't know, i feel tired constantly and after all im a coward in a way i want to make a change, share the love the Lord gives me everyday, share the love im so grateful ive learned at home even with its downs and things i may never talk about...

But im afraid and i don't know if its okay

Im afraid of changes, of the world,of the state it is in, of the future, of having a future, of not having one, of not doing enough, loosing those who are dear to me...im afraid of finally growing up.

I can't stop time, as funny as it sound cause of the post and all, i might not now our future but we can all try and change the past, and i want to be brave, maybe next year ill try and find ways to make it properly even to i have a hard time with interacting with people and touch (idk why but im already in my 20's so idk how helpful searching about it can be). Today i want to be brave by sharing this, and saying that this i feel i kinda like to see the paralels sometimes when i read the bible and pray, ecclesiastes is pretty good (my fave verse is this book, 4:2-3). And even if you don't believe, Daniel's book is kinda metal ngl, the writing in the wall? Booooooy it is rad.

Thats my rant, thanks if you reached here, be brave

Be nice

Bless u

And good night❤️

[hnslchw]

not what we wanted - LN4 x Reader

Summary: You haven’t felt this kind of ache in years. As memories of your relationship with Lando resurface, the lines between love and loss blur, leaving you grasping at the emotions you thought you’d buried. With every lyric you write, you’re pulled deeper into the bittersweet realization of what was—and what will never be.

Based on "the apartment we won't share by NIKI"

Themes/Warnings: angst (ofc), commitment issues??, no comfort, singer!reader, daddy and mommy issues (lando prolly doesn't have daddy issues but let's pretend pls) (Please let me know if I missed anything)

Word count: 1.1k

Author's note: Hello!! im so proud of this one i really hope everyone likes it. Please let me know what you think! Also if you want to suggest new drivers, characters, or new genres Ill try to make one for them, even though i only write once every two months HAHAH please feel free to ask <3 Anyways hope you enjoy!

The candle flickered on the desk as you stared at the half-filled notebook in front of you. The melody played faintly in the background, guiding the flow of your pen. Words scratched their way onto the paper, raw and unfiltered, each line peeling back the layers of a love that once felt indestructible. A love that belonged to you and Lando.

Two years ago, you had walked away from the man who, for a time, had been your entire world. The memories came rushing in as you tried to put them into lyrics, their weight settling in your chest.

The apartment we won't share.

I wonder what sad wife lives there.

Have the windows deciphered her stares?

Do the bricks in the walls know to hide the affairs?

You remembered the day you went apartment viewing with Lando. It was a sunlit afternoon, and the air buzzed with excitement as the two of you dreamed about building a life together.

“This one’s perfect,” Lando had said, his voice echoing in the spacious open floor plan.

You weren’t alone at the viewing. A couple—a woman with tired eyes and her distracted husband—wandered the space, too. The wife’s stares lingered on the window, and the unspoken tension between them was palpable.

When you and Lando got home that evening, he joked, “I swear, if we ever get like that, just put me out of my misery.”

You laughed, nudging his side. “Deal. Though you’re too busy to turn into a grumpy husband anyway.”

The irony cut deeper now. You hadn’t seen it then, but that couple was a reflection of what you and Lando were becoming—two people holding on to a love they couldn’t maintain.

The dog we won’t have is now one I would not choose.

A flash of warmth filled your chest as you thought about the day you met Charles’ dachshund, Leo.

“Now this is a dog,” Lando had said, crouching down to let Leo excitedly sniff his hand. “When we get one, it’s gotta be just like him—small, but full of personality.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “You mean stubborn and impossible to train?”

“Exactly,” Lando replied, grinning as Leo flopped onto his back for belly rubs.

The idea of a dog—a small, tangible piece of the future you were trying to build—felt so easy back then. But now, even the thought of it was bittersweet.

The daughter we won’t raise still waits for you.

You wiped at your eyes, forcing yourself to stay present. The memory of late-night talks with Lando replayed like a broken record.

“I want a little girl someday,” he’d confessed once, his voice soft with vulnerability. “She’d be a daddy’s girl. Spoiled rotten.”

You had smiled, nodding along. You wanted to want the same thing, but deep down, you weren’t sure if you ever saw yourself as a mother. You had never told him that, though. Maybe you should have.

The girl I won’t be is the one that’s yours.

I hope you shortly find what you long for.

The breakup came rushing back, a scene you had replayed a thousand times in your head. It was late at night, and the exhaustion of trying to keep the relationship alive had worn you both thin.

“I can’t do this anymore,” you had said, your voice barely above a whisper.

Lando’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t argue. “I know.”

You wanted to be angry, to yell at him for not fighting harder. But deep down, you both knew the truth—you had drifted too far apart. You cupped his cheek, a sad smile on your lips. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Lando.”

The filthy joke that won’t

Burrow in the corner of your

Smirking lips, I mourn it to this day.

A laugh escaped your lips as you thought about the gala. You could still see the way Lando leaned in, whispering a dirty joke in your ear that was so wildly inappropriate for the setting.

Your cheeks had burned, but you couldn’t bring yourself to scold him. Not when he looked at you with that stupid grin, his dimples on full display. You had never loved anyone more in that moment.

The story we won’t tell

Is my greatest fantasy.

The passion I won’t feel again

Isn’t lost on me.

You paused, letting the pen hover over the page. The weight of regret settled heavily on your shoulders. You had loved him deeply, even as the relationship unraveled. And now, the thought of never feeling that kind of love again terrified you.

The son you never wanted

Is the wound your father left.

And the mother I won’t be is

Probably for the best.

Your mind drifted back to one of your many late-night talks. Lando had opened up about his childhood, his compilcated relationship with his father. “I don’t think I’d know how to be a dad to a son,” he had admitted.

You hadn’t realized it then, but that fear had mirrored your own doubts about being a mother. Maybe that was why you had hesitated to dream too big about a family with him.

Your demons I won’t meet

Now someone else’s word to keep.

I’m sure she’s beautiful and sweet.

The song was nearly done when your phone buzzed on the desk. You picked it up, and the screen illuminated with a headline: Lando Norris and Fiancée Announce Engagement.

Your breath hitched, but you couldn’t look away. The woman in the photo was stunning, her smile radiant as she stood beside him. He looked happy—happier than you had seen him in years.

You closed the notebook, staring at the final line you had written:

Not what I wanted, but what we need.

The song was finished, but the story wasn’t just about you and Lando anymore. It was about letting go, about making peace with the love you had lost. You set the notebook aside, exhaling deeply.

Some endings weren’t tragic. They were just necessary.

[tealvenetianmask]

Some assorted circus/Buckzo family headcanons (fic someday maybe?)

Tilla was kind of a free spirit (who else would go join the circus?) and told fortunes for a small fee. There was no magic involved. She just got to know people and told them what they wanted to hear. She told each of the three kids their fortunes, and they all walked out of her tent feeling special and excited for their futures.

I also think Tilla may have been chronically ill/not always present in her kids' lives.

No one was watching these kids. Seriously. They were always climbing on dangerous things and interacting with creepy adults. Someone please watch them.

They all had each other's backs though. Most often, it was Blitz and Barbie who had to help Fizz out of ridiculous situations.

On that note, Fizz was a little younger than the other two (a year or so).

Blitz first learned to fight so he could protect his sister and his best friend from the rough crowd that tended to hang around after circus shows.

He was also regularly smacked around by his dad for being a shit performer and a troublemaker, and he fantasized about fighting back once he got older and stronger. By the time he was fifteen or so, he definitely could have taken his dad down a peg, but in spite of that he never hit back.

The person who owns the circus is a human sinner overlord. He realized that imps are harder to control than other sinners because he can't own their souls, so he branded them (the forehead symbol) to keep them from leaving/working for someone else. This didn't sit right with Tilla, but Cash promised her that they'd find a way out eventually after making a whole lot of money.

Cash thought of himself as a lot smarter than he actually was.

Cash took Fizz under his wing when Fizz was about seven and showed a ton of potential at an audition. Fizz's parents were super poor and HATED the branding and losing access to their kid, but they were starving, so they let him go out of hope for a better future.

Fizz's parents were always trying to get back into his life, but Cash kept him from them.

Fizz knew even as a kid that everything he had was because of his talent and that if he failed as a performer, he'd likely be thrown out.

Barbie excelled at acrobatics, but she never got nearly as much praise from Cash as Fizz did. She was jealous but didn't see any point to dwelling on it. She buried emotions from an early age and put her energy into keeping up and succeeding.

Cash gave up on Blitz's performance career long before Blitz gave up on it himself. Blitz kept coming up with increasingly ridiculous and dangerous performances to try to finally prove himself.

I thought I would focus more on Blitz, but it all ended up being about the people around him! More another time.

[comicbookgirl2]

Theories about poppy playtime chapter 1-4:

Spoilers ahead!

1st theory: poppy left the safe haven because she went to reason with the prototype/send the letter (hence why it tells us to find the flower and why a word is misspelled. Ofcourse you could argue that it’s him using her as bait to lure in any employees to kill them but why misspell the word? Seems like something a child would do and not someone posing as a fellow employee)

BUT I DIGRESS- I believe that when she met with him, he told her his plan that involved something heinous and in an act of desperation she was the one who sent us the letter just before being imprisoned in the case. Unbeknownst to her while being imprisoned the prototype intercepted the letter but still allowed it to be sent specifically to you (hence why he’s been stalking us from chapter 2 (or maybe even 1))

Ok bear with me for a second: when you free poppy at the end of chapter 1 she never seems shocked that you’re there at the factory. In fact she knows who you are (an ex employee) and correctly deduces that you probably came back for your colleagues.

Then there’s the fact that Harley knew about the note as well- how would he have known? My guess is that the prototype told him and they were expecting you to return- probably not to make it that far but to still return nonetheless.

2nd theory: whatever secret the prototype and Harley was seeking to achieve- has been successfully achieved.

Not much theory for this, but I think if the prototype needed Harley then there’s no way he would’ve just sat there and let you killed him. Not unless he

A) already had gotten what he wanted from Harley

Or

B) Harley is not entirely dead (not saying this will happen but it seems like sort of a stretch? Idk he did say he’d bury himself so far down no one would find him)

3rd theory (and arguably weakest one): a human worked with the prototype and Harley to initiate the hour of joy. Even the warden pointed out how only 4 people with the level of security clearance/executive access could’ve made the hour of joy possible and even Sawyer seems to agree- hinting at conspirators being within the company and not external.

So who could it have been?

My guess

Stella Greyber.

Think about it. From the 4 people given we can automatically cross off two.

Leith (because he would have to deal with the fall out and did try to send special extraction teams back) and the warden. So that leaves Stella and Rittenhouse. Ofcourse between the two Rittenhouse seems far more the shady one likely to backstab someone. So why would I say Stella?

I believe that Rittenhouse is too deeply invested in this company to just throw it all away, from outright threatening Warrenbach (probably killing him too) to even casually stating how they make people disappear- he has loyalty to the bottom line. To profit. So why betray the company when we see that he doesn’t really have a motive to do so.

And from the tape between her and Leith she admits to being uncomfortable about the process but seemingly agrees to it under the notion of it helping a lot of people someday. But if you listen closely you can hear something, perphaps boxy boo breathing in the background- to me I think this was the last chance Leith was giving her. She had to think carefully here otherwise she too would disappear. So she told him what she wanted to hear just to live a little longer.

After all, if she still sympathizes with the children perphaps she too could be easily swayed by someone like poppy (who we knew was involved albeit ill informed) but perphaps she didn’t know that it would end in the death of both innocent and guilty. Maybe she just thought the toys were going to leave or do something else.

I feel as if we’ve been following her for a while and that it’s little by little been building up to something. We see her nutty philosophy on immortality (strange how she asked Leith if ‘it was ready yet’) we see how the company isn’t prepared to throw her to the wolves when it wants to (testing a kid she had prepared for adoption) and now we see her willingly take part in it. Could it be the tale of someone good becoming complacent with evil? Or something else?

But then again, I could also see Rittenhouse betraying the company as well if perphaps a rival company offered him something better. After all he shows little to no restraint when it comes to getting what he wants.

4th theory: the orphans are undergoing the same experiment that the rat in poppy gel was. So they’re all currently emerged in poppy gel.

I have zero evidence for this. But the presence of poppy flowers in front of the lab is very suspicious.

[yuurei20]

So in the second novel, after Leona's overblot does it go into his past or is it just the speech afterwards?

Hello hello! We see a brief interaction between Leona and his brother that is similar to how things played out in the game.

Some places are identical but other places are only in the game, other places are only in the novel, and other places are similar in both but slightly different, so I put the pieces from each together into a puzzle--I hope this helps!

(The EN translation is great but I am posting screenshots from both servers for just in case anyone is curious)

"From the moment I was born, there’s been a boulder on top of me that’s too heavy to move.

From the very instant I came into this world—no, long before that. This weight has always been here.

Once, when I was too young to understand anything, I asked about it like a fool, and the butler looked genuinely troubled.

Not once, throughout all his long years spent serving the royal family, had he ever worn such a perplexed expression. In that moment I realized that I had no right to desire the throne.

Not to boast, but I was a clever, intelligent child. But even so, someone should have been able to understand me, sooner or later.

I will have my chance, too. Someday, someone will see me for who I am. I was so certain, and I worked so hard.

Until I realized it was all for nothing.

'Come on, let's finish up quickly before Leona-sama returns.' 

The servants are whispering as they clean.

‘I can't deal with such a moody child.' 

I can hear them through the door. 

‘He’s probably out there asking twisted questions, troubling his tutor. Crown Prince Falena-sama is so bright and cheerful, so why is his younger brother Leona-sama so sullen?’

‘It’s so troublesome. And to think a member of our own royal family possesses magic that turns everything to sand...'

‘Both of you, will you stop with that! What will happen if someone overhears you.’

Nothing. That’s how I want to respond, with a laugh. If I were to open this door, step inside, and show them this ‘terrifying power,’ I wonder what their faces would look like.

Of course, I would never do that. 

I used to have them reprimanded, indiscriminately, for being so ill-mannered, but by this point I had stopped. Because I had realized that it will never end.

Unique magic that is inherited at birth has nothing to do with the person’s will, but humans wrapped up in their own superstitions are ignorant to common sense.

Or maybe they think this is a power that I desired, and fought to obtain. Either way, they are not worth dealing with. I dislike hassles. And I hate doing things that have no point.

And yet, I still find myself thinking.

I bet that if I were the Crown Prince, this is what everyone would have said: ‘A promising mage with strong magical power? He is so thoughtful, composed, and completely different from his carefree younger brother.’

I knew thinking about it was pointless, but I couldn't stop. And I started to hate myself for it.

The hope I had been clinging to finally disappeared with the birth of my brother's son.

'Leona! Why weren’t you at today’s ceremony?'

My older brother was so polite as to confront me directly with reality.

‘Ceremony? Ah, you mean the party you threw to parade your child around in front of the nation? Yeah, sorry about that. I ended up going back to sleep.’

‘Such a lazy…the presentation of a future king to the citizens is an important day.’

‘Certainly. An important, joyous day. Since it’s the same day that the despised second prince’s only chance to inherit the throne disappears. Everyone in town and throughout the palace must be undoubtedly relieved.’

Even if both my father and my brother were to die, I cannot become king. The throne is a hopeless prospect. And he knows. He knows that I have longed for the day I would succeed to the throne since I was a child.

And still he believes that it is only natural that I would celebrate the birth of his son.

I cannot bear the kindness of someone so stupid.

‘Do not say it like that!’ 

If you can make such a pained expression as you speak, why don’t you hand over the throne? That glory that you’ve had since you were born without struggling a day in your life.

‘Being born first must be nice. You spend every day singing and lazing around, and become king.’

He furrows his brows, looking sad, as if preparing to counsel me.

‘Leona…you may never be king, but you are still wise. There is so much you could do for this country.’

For this country. What a cruel, detestable thing to say.

‘And? You’re telling me that, for this country, I should serve you obediently? You have some nerve, saying something like that while trying to be all chummy!’

‘That’s not what I mean! You cannot let that power of yours rot away, unused.’

‘And maybe if this country selected its kings on the basis of intelligence, I’d be motivated to do something with it.’

If I have to talk to this naiive man any longer I might go insane. Just before I left the library I turned to him, and smiled.

‘Congratulations, Falena-sama. I sincerely rejoice in the birth of a new sun…surely the future of the kingdom of Sunset Savanna is incredibly bright.’

Without waiting for a response, I slammed the door shut.

No matter how hard I study, no matter how powerful the magic I become capable of commanding, it will never be acknowledged that I am superior to my brother, and I will never become king. Why do I have to endure such thoughts, just because I was born a few years too late? 

Simply because I was born in the wrong order, everything I do is dismissed; nothing is even acknowledged.

Why did I have to be born second? Why will I never get to be first? Why. Why. Why. 

—Life truly is unfair."

(This connects directly to here!)

[thecreelhouse]

daylight

Paring: Steve Harrington x Francesca “Frankie” Amato

This is part of the accident prone AU— please be warned there are spoilers in these mini fics if you have yet to read the main series! This post-series fic and more can be found here -> accident prone - the blurb sides

Summary: The morning after their first time together, Frankie’s self-doubt begins to creep back in; there’s nowhere to hide her imperfections in the sunlight, and her confidence wanes. Steve’s determined to take every chance he can get to remind Frankie just how beautiful she is.

WC: 3.4k

Includes: soft smut (oral/face sitting- f receiving, fingering, handjob, cockwarming), silly banter, some dirty talk, hurt/comfort, body/self-esteem issues, fluff, language, etc.

A/N: In the midst of this break I’m taking (if you can even call it that lmao), I’ve managed to finish a few AP blurbs! (yes i know they're longer than blurbs shhhhh). this one’s Frankie centric, but I have one for Steve with similar subject matter, and I’m hoping to post that one soon too. Anyway, hope you enjoy this if you read <3 (divider cred: @/strangergraphics)

Sunrise rouses Steve from a deep sleep, mind flooding with memories from the night prior. He and Frankie are tangled up in one another still, clothes long ignored from the moment they stripped one another down. She’s still sound asleep, but murmuring something softly, face buried into Steve’s shoulder.

He doesn’t want to wake her, but can’t help kissing the top of her head; her buzzcut’s tiny hairs prickle against his lips. Her hair’s already began growing back, but Steve can see what Frankie mentioned the night she cut it all off— the tiny bald patches keeping the growth uneven. Subconsciously, his fingers trail to one of them, feather-light touch tracing the edge of the bare spot.

It still feels like a dream, the fact that Frankie likes— loves— Steve just as much as he loves her. Last night felt even more surreal, in the best ways possible. How lucky he felt to find someone he could bare all to, literally and metaphorically, someone who didn’t run away when he exposed the most vulnerable details of himself. Someone who didn’t judge him for what was out of his control. Someone he could relate to on a personal level he’s never had with anyone else before.

Frankie breaking down her walls, allowing Steve in so he could care for her, love her in return— that was huge, too. He’s never had such an honest, down to earth relationship like he does with her.

Making love is far from perfect outside of the movies, but even more so when illness and disability limit ways to connect with a partner— yet this was the happiest he’s ever felt after a first time with a partner. It was real, and maybe not pretty at times, but it was the strongest connection he’s felt with someone.

There’s one fact he’s hung up on, though: Frankie can’t have kids.

That’s not a dealbreaker, not by a long shot, nor is it something to think about this early in their relationship. But Steve still feels a pang in his chest remembering her confession in the heat of the moment.

Panting, Steve nods frantically, “You got, uh, do you have—“

“If you’re asking about protection, it’s in the drawer,” She nods towards the nightstand. “But I um, I can’t… I can’t get pregnant. If that’s what you’re worried about, I mean.”

“I’m sorry—“

“We can talk about it another time, okay?” She rests her hand on his face, any hint of sadness invisible to the naked eye; Steve shakes it off and nods.

He wonders if it upsets her; did she hope to have kids of her own someday, too? Before her health rapidly declined?

There was a time Steve dreamed of starting a family with someone he loved— misguided by old feelings, believing that someone was Nancy— but every year that passed he felt as if he was drowning deeper, and deeper, into his chronic pain. It’s reached the point where he’s unsure if the opportunity were to arise, would he even be capable of being a dad?

Most days, Steve struggles to care for himself; how could he ever care for a little one if he struggles to leave bed sometimes?

Like Frankie admitting she had to let her dreams slip through her fingers, he’s starting to believe he’s already doing the same with his own dream. No, he’s been mourning the loss of this dream, among others, stuck at the first stage of grief— denial— since leaving Hawkins behind.

He wonders if he’ll ever move onto the stage of anger; all that bottled fury will surely spill over at some point. 

“If you think any louder, you’ll wake the whole city up.”

Steve startles from Frankie’s raspy morning voice; she pops an eye open, smirking at her partner.

“That obvious, huh?”  Kissing her forehead, he cuddles closer to her. “Morning, pretty girl.”

She blushes, playfully sassing, “Ew, shut up.”

“Pay me and I’ll consider it.”

“I told you months ago you could just take my paycheck in exchange for the sass.” Frankie rolls her eyes, but her smirk fades, realizing they’re both still completely bare, aside from the sheets. She sinks under the covers further, earning a confused chuckle from Steve.

“What’re you doing?”

“I—“ She shuts her mouth. “Nothing.”

Steve tries to draw her back to him, but she keeps herself wrapped up.

“Hey, talk to me.” 

She knows she can’t slip out of this one, sighing while resting her forehead on his shoulder. 

“I know you saw me last night, and this is stupid, but it’s… it’s a little nerve wracking to let you see me in broad daylight.” Ashamed, she scrunches her eyes shut. “I want to feel comfortable, it was just easier in the dark.”

This wasn’t going to be easy, and Steve knew that; Frankie had been dealing with major self esteem issues for most of her life, it’s not like that’d go away in one night. He pushes the sheet away from her face, cradling it in his hands.

“‘Key, do you trust me?”

“Well, yeah,” she snorts, but notices he’s serious; her teasing smirk drops as she answers him honestly. “Of course I trust you.”

Steve holds her gaze for a few moments before kissing her. It’s gentle, relaxed, and begins to put Frankie at ease; her body loosens up with a satisfied hum. As she melts further into his touch, he pulls away, leaving her to pout.

“How sore are you?”

Frankie’s brows knit together, laughing a little. “From what?” Steve gives her a look, and it clicks. “Oh, I’m a little sore, but not— it’s a good kind of pain— wait, shit, no, not like that.”

A fond smile graces his lips, enjoying the way she rambles, all flustered. 

“Can I touch you?”

Involuntarily, Frankie groans with desire; the memory of Steve’s tender caresses, soft kisses, tangled up in one another— it makes her blush deeply. 

“Please.” It comes out so breathy, she’s a little embarrassed, but it only spurs him on more.

“One condition.”

Frankie rolls her eyes, throwing her head back with another groan, but this one’s laced with annoyance.

“What?” 

“Gotta let me see all of you.”

She freezes under his touch, offering the tiniest shake of her head. 

It’s a step back from her progress the night before. Steve sighs, “Frankie—“

“The sun’s up, that’s a whole different ballgame,” she mutters, tugging the sheets back over herself while rolling away from him. “You saw enough last night.”

“Don’t think it’s possible to ever see enough of you,” he ducks under the covers, swiftly flipping her on her back. Gently, he spreads her legs, parting her folds with his fingers; even in the limited light under the sheets, he can tell she’s soaked, all sticky and sweet. The memory of her soft sounds, how her hips rolled into his face, and the taste of her flood his mind— and taste buds.

Frankie watches him curiously, nodding a silent reassurance of consent. Steve’s eyes stay locked on hers as he flits his tongue lazily against her clit. She gasps, tensing up when he gives her open-mouth kisses over her core, taking his time to swirl and roll his tongue where he’s already caught on to make her whimper.

He finds a rhythm that satisfies the two, still languid in the swipes of his tongue, slipping inside her every so often. She arches her back, trying to push herself closer, even rolling her hips slightly; the bolder she grows, the more Steve reels back. 

At first, it’s not very noticeable, but in time, the passion and momentum begins to fade off once Steve’s pulling away. Frankie grabs his hair with desperation, clit throbbing with need while his hot breaths settle down.

“Why’d you stop?” Her pout’s almost enough to make Steve bury his face in her again, but he’s got a plan to stick to. He kisses up her body while her hand’s still tangled in his locks, loosening with each kiss. “Go back,” she whines with a morning rasp, a noise that shoots straight to his length, half hard already.

“C’mere,” he murmurs once he reaches her neck, sleepy kisses wandering all over the map of her skin. “Want to watch you finish.”

“B- but you could see me down there,” Frankie whines again, catching onto Steve’s plan. “That’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair,” he kisses her cheek, tilting her face towards his with a finger under her chin. Glistening lips hovering over hers, he mutters, “Is that my girl won’t be kind to herself.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk,” she grumbles, leaning in to kiss him regardless, but he backs off. “Steve, what the fuck?”

“Gotta make a compromise somewhere, angel.” He rolls onto his back, tugging Frankie on top of him. She holds most of her weight off of him, but he’ll take the baby step regardless. “Come up here.”

“This is cruel, you know that, right?” She’s not that serious, but facing a fear isn’t exactly something she’s thrilled to jump into.

“Hey, you don’t have to finish if you don’t want to,” Steve rolls over onto his side. “We can just hang out, go back to sleep, whatever—“ He yelps when Frankie pushes him onto his back. “You like manhandling me a little too much, Francesca.”

Frankie pouts, but it’s no use, not when Steve can see right through her; he knows she’s not fond of her full name, not unless Steve’s saying it. Even playfully scolding her, it causes something to spark deep down.

“I hate you,” she mumbles, crossing her arms over her bare chest. She’s so fucking cute. Steve considers caving again, but he holds steady. 

“You don’t.”

With a huff, she rolls her eyes, grumbling under her breath. Her leg swings over Steve’s waist, hovering over his lap.

“You’re the worst.”

“Oh, truly the worst of the worst,” he teases, hands sliding up her legs. “Relax, s’okay, I got you.”

She stays propped up on her knees, shaking her head, “M’gonna be too heavy—“

Steve narrows his stare, fingers digging into the plush of her thighs; curving his hands to her backside, he cups her ass, pushing forward. Frankie stumbles a bit on her knees, catching herself as she plants her palm onto the pillow, next to his head. 

Faces almost touching, he asks again, “You trust me?”

Biting her lip, Frankie nods hesitantly; she does, but she doesn’t trust herself to just… enjoy the moment.

“I trust you,” she answers, legs shaking as she positions her lower half above his face. Involuntarily, her hands cover over her face, believing she’s shielding herself from how silly she must look from this angle.

Steve, of course, won’t have it.

“Honey, you really don’t have to hide from me.” Steve reaches up, gently pulling her hands away from her face. When she scrunches her eyes shut, he leans back into the pillow, hands caressing her thighs. He tries breaking the tension with a lazy joke, “What, is the view really that bad from up there?”

Frankie’s eyes shoot open, feeling awful for even making Steve joke like that. She shakes her head furiously, “No, no, oh my god, no fucking way.” Pouting at Steve, her heart melts, yet trying to steel itself all at once. “You just— you look like… you look so unreal, all the time, and I can’t imagine the view from down there’s very… nice.”

“Well, you’re not down here, are you?” He leaves languid, feathered kisses along her thighs, eyes fluttering shut as he groans, ever so softly. He nuzzles his face into the top of her thigh, just before it meets her core, relishing in her shaky breaths. “I’d stay down here forever, if you’d let me.”

“Or until one of us has muscle cramps?” Her teasing causes Steve to laugh against her, breath hot and heavy over her folds; the vibrations of his amusement taunt her, too. 

“Or that, sure.” Kissing her centre lightly, he smirks as she shudders, but then she’s hiding her face all over again. Steve grabs her hands with one of his, winding his long fingers around her wrists; it’s gentle, but it gets the point across. “What, do I have to pin your hands back, or something?”

Frankie’s eyes grow wide, blush radiating from her cheeks, down her body in record time. Involuntarily, her legs twitch, trying to squeeze together for some kind of relief, but her partner’s big fucking head is in the goddamn way.

The shit-eating grin on Steve’s face only grows by the second.

“You’re into that, huh?”

“I- well it’s— I’m— no, not really— it’s kinda just—“ Flustered, she huffs, “Oh, fuck you, Steve.”

“Anytime you want, honey.” Arms curling around her plush thighs, he splays his hands along her backside, kneading her flesh, inching her closer.

“Oh my god,” she pretends she doesn’t shudder the words out, forcing her eyes to roll, “I can see it now.”

“See what?”

“How fucking cocky you must’ve been in high school.”

Steve can’t even be bothered to argue that one. He only shrugs, makes a noise of indifference before kissing her core again. The sweet noise she fails to hide earns his smirk, urging him to continue.

“You wouldn’t have given me the time of day back then,” he truthfully points out, kissing away from her folds, down one thigh. He solemnly adds, “And honestly, I don’t think I would’ve let ya’ if you tried.”

Frankie pouts, “Why not? You’d be embarrassed to be seen with me?”

Steve’s hands caress up her hips, then backtrack down to her thighs. He leans back to shake his head. “No way. I mean you—“ he pauses to contemplate his words, afraid he’s conveying this incorrectly. “… You would’ve deserved way better than whatever the fuck kind of asshole I was back then.”

The pout on his partner’s face molds into an aching, empathetic expression. “Steve, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have joked like that—“

“S’true, though.” He shrugs against the backs of her thighs, reminding Frankie of the position they’re in. She begins to climb off of Steve, but he wraps his arms around her legs, holding her in place. “I’m just saying… glad you never met that version of me. You would’ve hated that guy.”

“Hate’s a strong word,” Frankie reminds him, gasping as he nudges his nose against her clit. “If I hated someone, I wanted to run over their feet with my wheelchair. So, rethink your words, Stevie.”

As he buries his face back into her, he laughs, tickling along the most sensitive spots. Frankie winds her fingers through his bed head, mewling from the sensation. Steve takes his time, kissing her folds with the same passion and tenderness when he kisses her lips; it’s not like they have anywhere to be today, and he could probably spend his morning underneath her, if not longer.

Losing herself in bliss, little by little, Frankie’s fears are overshadowed by pleasure, urging her to roll her hips against Steve’s tongue, rather than cower away in a useless shame.

Steve kneads the plush of her backside, huskily groaning as he guides her back and forth on his face. “Fuck… just like that, honey.” The lewd sounds of his tongue lapping up her slick goes straight to his cock, and he can’t handle it anymore. One hand leaves her body to stroke himself clumsily, bucking up into his hand and moaning deeply against Frankie’s clit.

The jerking movements paired with his swift tongue break Frankie’s haze with curiosity. She glances back over her shoulder, ready to drool as she watches Steve fuck his fist. Without much thought, she leans back, pushing his hand away to replace it with her own grip.

Her spine’s gonna kill her for this one, but it’s worth it when his angelic moan vibrates against her folds.

“H- honey, you— ah!” He thrusts so hard, most of his lower half twitches upward, save for his heels digging into the bed. “You don’t— s’gonna hurt you later,” he pants, unable to hold his hips against the bed. “Baby, don’t—“

“I’m okay, promise,” and really, she is; the soreness that’ll set in later will be a walk in the park compared to her worst pain days. Slowing her hand, she asks, “Is this okay? I can stop.”

“Feels good, but this is about you,” Steve shivers as her grip slides up and down his shaft, picking up speed again. Through a heavy lidded stare, he admires the view from below, in awe of Frankie as she rolls her hips on her own, self-doubt falling away.  He tries to keep up, only left to pant and whimper into her core, “Oh… fuck…”

His cock kicks in her grip, earning a devilish grin from his partner. “Close?” Steve only nods, eyes fluttering shut as he fucks into her fist, fervently sucking on her clit as he slips a long, thick digit into her. She keens as his finger curls just right, reaching that delicious spot that’s begging to be touched. “Wh- what if I just�� stopped?”

Steve’s eyes fly open, a muffled “nuh-uh,” vibrating around her sensitive nub. 

“‘Cause I think you could totally come untouched,” she taunts, ready to release his length when he reaches his free hand up to her chest, toying with her pierced nipple. That playful smirk of hers falls as she gasps, “You’re evil. Wish I- I never told you ‘bout… oh, god…”

Only shrugging, Steve chuckles while sliding another finger inside, eyes glued to Frankie as she falls apart on his fingers and tongue. Her jaw falls slack while her head lolls back, trembling as she finally reaches the edge. Her hand has long forgotten pleasuring him, but he’s perfectly fine with that, as long as it means making her a total wreck like this.

“F- fuck!” Frankie rides Steve shamelessly, drowning in ecstasy with a shattered moan, racking through her body as it gracelessly carries her to her high. Her hand flies up to slap over her own mouth, but Steve abandons her chest, tugging her hand away, silently demanding to hear her.

“Atta’ girl,” he praises, still working diligently to guide her through the bliss, all the way until the end. The way she chants his name breathlessly, clenching her thighs around his head, it’s enough to make him come, too; untouched, he spirals into pleasure, just like Frankie wanted.

The aftershocks and fuzzy, floaty feeling she’s immersed in is enough to shove her shame and self-doubt aside; might as well take the chance before it vanishes.

Through labored breaths, she asks, “Can I ride you?” Steve chokes on air, taken aback by the sudden shift.

“Not complaining, but where the hell is this coming from?”

She ignores him, trying to grip onto the confidence before it slips away, “Yes or no?”

“Well I mean, y- yeah, f’course, but I— it might be a bit ‘til… y’know…”

“S’okay,” she shimmies down his body, sinking onto his half-hard cock, grinning as Steve twitches and whimpers. Frankie smirks down at him while blushing. She leans down, wrapping herself around him, comfortably seated on his length. “I’ll just keep ya’ warm ‘til then.”

Steve shudders a loud moan, managing quip, “I think you are the worst, not me.”

“Oh? I can get up—“

His arms wind around her waist, holding her in place, “Don’t you dare, Francesca.”

“M’kay,” she smirks, head tucked into his neck. “I’ll just wait then.”

Steve kisses the top of her head, sighing when he feels her flutter around his cock. 

“Thank you, Stevie,” Frankie sounds half-asleep, making him chuckle. She kisses his neck lazily, “You’re too good to me… love you.”

“No way, if anything, you’re the one who’s too good to me—“ His partner snores softly, while Steve laughs silently, shoulders shaking.

Well… that wore her out.

Frankie shifts, reminding Steve that she’s still warming him. He sucks in a sharp breath, doesn’t have the heart to wake her to move.

“Guess I deserve the karma, huh?” Lovingly, he holds her close, admiring the relaxed, peaceful state she’s melted into. He mindlessly traces patterns into her skin, avoiding sores and bruises from her flare. “Sweet dreams, ‘Key.”

Eventually, Steve drifts off, too, feeling lucky to love and be loved by someone so beautiful, inside and out.

 And he’ll take any chance to remind her of that.

[phagodyke]

trying to watch all of us strangers and it's just making me cry really hard this is why I don't do romance movies WAH

[hardtofindneuro]

to all the queer people that have come out, or haven’t, and have been invalidated in any way shape or form, you are so valid. you have a support system here, and i’m sure other places as well. you just need to find it. don’t let anyone try to tell you who you are.

being in this community has allowed me to better understand my sexuality & come to terms with it. i love being neuro because i can be me, and know i wont be judged for who i am or am not attracted to. i know that when i say im aroace here, ill get support instead of get a half-hearted “you’ll get married someday, you’re just not ready” or “you like men, it’s just your lifestyle.” i know that if something changes with my sexuality, that is welcome here, too. i dont have to make any definitive decision on my sexuality to be welcomed by this community, and that’s just one reason to love it.

i find support and love and an outlet here. and so many amazing friends that welcome me and support my decisions. so thank you all for being here and fuck anyone who thinks it’s ok to invalidate someone’s sexuality.

coming out is not easy. frankly, it feels impossible to even say the words to my mom. imagine being dream and coming out to millions, to get belittled and shit on and invalidated. i’m so proud of dream and any other person that has come out to the world, or to their parents, or their best friend, or maybe just to themselves. it’s a process, a hard one, and any small step is something to be proud of.

a huge thanks to dream for not only creating a space for us, but for setting an example, and sticking around when the internet has done nothing but tear him down. for being kind to a world that is less than kind back. and thanks to all of you that are still here, rebuilding our safe space. thank you.

[changbinsboobs]

Who's the most believer Christian church boy in skz🙏

Sooo i was unsure if i should read on whos most religious or whos specifically most cristian but i chose the second one and maybe someday ill t a broader reading about their religious views in general.

Chan - PoP, 4oS

I think he's pretty educated on christianity, maybe he had bible study or something when he was older. Don't see him caring much about it tho, i don't think christianity has stuck to him more than just basic info and i don't think he's active in any way other than every once and a while reading something about it if the occasion arises(?)

Lee Know - 4oC

Doesn't seem to agree with Christianity. There's a lot that doesn't make sense to him. I think he's brought up christian tho, like all the members i think.

Changbin - 9oC

I would say he's pretty christian, or should i rather say i think his family is rather christian and i think God comes up often in his conversations with his family and even friends. I don't see him specifically being really religious and an active christian but i think someone in his family might be an avid believer and i think he finds that really wholesome and has had a positive view of God in his upbringing and his life until now. I don't see him going to church or anything aside from keeping his mom or dad or aunt or whoever it is, company like once in a blue moon. In short, i don't think he himself is an avid believer but someone close to him is and he sees beauty in that and holds christianity in kind regards because he loves his relative. Thats that. He also values belief and the higher power! I think he has genuine belief and respect for that - which isn't bound strictly to christianity tho i think he finds value in that regardless of religion.

Hyunjin - 5oP, 7oW

I don't think he believes in God. I think he has been left dissapointed a few times and doesn't hold Christianity specifically in high regards. I think he would be pretty reserved around people like that and i think Christianity alltogether might be something slightly triggering for him?

Han - The Chariot

He seem really devoted actually. Idk how to interpret that energy and i don't wanna offend anyone cuz ya'll are such snowflakes but i get the vibe that he's pretty unstable? Ugh idk how to explain it but u sure have met people who are really desperate and in a mentally unstable space and then suddenly someone knocks on their door and to them it seems like a sign or whatever and because they're vulnerable they let themselves get brainwashed. Im not saying all that happened to him - i just wrote a scenario to kind of explain the vibe that im feeling. There is a sudden(feels fairly new), very intense devotion and practice being strictly followed and a certain anxiety accompanying it and i sense a pushing, forceful energy from him, as well as instability and a need for some. Which might be the reason for his sudden turn? Also i don't want to make any rash assumptions but just letting you know cults in korea are a thing...👀

Felix - 8oW

Very active and strong in his belief, doesn't even need any explaining, honestly his card didn't even surprise me.

Seungmin - 2oP

I would say he's pretty neutral. There's not much to say, he views himself as a Christian, he doesn't get much involved tho, he just does regular duties (idk what exactly but i guess getting married in a church or paying church tax or whatever) but not going to church every Sunday and reading the bible and praying before eating and stuff like that. He's just on the middle.

I.N - 7oS, Death

I think he either is very strict because he has church/god anxiety, or he HATES Christianity and has had very bad experience with it.

I swear if one of y'all complains im switching the anon feature off and blocking ur ass😀

[curiositymemes]

STICK SEASON: WE'LL ALL BE HERE FOREVER.

taken from the 2023 album by noah kahan. trigger warnings for mental illness, trauma, medication, references to suicide, and the exquisite agony of life in rural new england. feel free to change wording and pronouns and provide context as necessary. do not add to this list.

northern attitude.

how you been? 

you settled down?

you feelin’ right? 

you feelin’ proud?

you settle in to routine.

what does it mean? 

i’m not how you hoped.

you’re gettin’ lost.

scared to live, scared to die. 

you’re feelin’ lost.

stick season.

you must’ve had yourself a change of heart.

now i am stuck between my anger and the blame that i can’t face.

it’s half my fault, but i just like to play the victim. 

i’ll dream each night of some version of you that i might not have but i did not lose. 

i thought that if i piled something good on all my bad i could cancel out the darkness i inherited from dad. 

i miss the way you laugh.

you once called me forever now you still can’t call me back.

that’ll have to do.

my other half was you.

i hope this pain’s just passin’ through, but i doubt it. 

all my love.

how have things been?

well, love, now that you mention it.

i’m sayin’ too much, but you know how it gets out here.

now i know your name, but not who you are.

it’s all okay, there ain’t a drop of bad blood.

you got all my love.

if you need me, dear, i’m the same as i was.

what i’d give to have you out of me.

i still recall how the leather in your car feels.

and at the end of it all, i just hope that your scars heal.

i swear i was scared to death.

i smiled stupid the whole way home.

you said, ‘i’ll never let you go.’

she calls me back.

there was heaven in your eyes. 

everything’s alright.

look at me and don’t you lie.

don’t you hold your head up high.

for bullshit, i do not have time.

do you lie awake restless?

why am i so obsessive?

this town’s the same as you left it.

the radio is taunting me.

i don’t get much sleep most nights.

i’m seeing you in every dream.

if only i could fall asleep. 

i’ll love you when the oceans dry. 

i was too afraid of living life in your footsteps.

come over.

it was there when we got here, will be there when we leave.

you won’t have to guess who they’re speakin’ about.

i’m in the process of clearin’ out cobwebs. 

i was takin’ the wrong meds; feels good to be sad.

my house is just barely big enough for my family.

my mouth was designed for my foot to fit in it.

i promise you, darlin’.

you won’t ever go back.

i know that it ain’t much.

i know that it ain’t cool.

you don’t have to tell the other kids at school.

someday i’m gonna be somebody people want.

new perspective.

makin’ me nostalgic.

we were kids; but that don’t make this less hard.

if i could fly i doubt i’d even do it. 

i’d probably get high and crash or somethin’ stupid.

gave me your word.

i can’t pronounce it.

no thing so sure that i can’t learn to doubt it.

everywhere, everything.

would we survive in a horror movie?

we trust everyone we meet.

we’re littered with scars from our preteens.

i wanna love you ‘til we’re food for the worms to eat.

‘til our fingers decompose, keep my hand in yours. 

i know every route in this county.

maybe that ain’t such a bad thing.

i’ll tell you where not to speed.

it’s been a long year.

orange juice.

honey, come over.

it’s yours if you want it.

we’re just glad you could visit. 

feels like i’ve been ready for you to come home for so long.

i didn’t think to ask you where you’d gone. 

why’d you go?

my heart has changed and my soul has changed.

you just asked me to hold you.

it made you a stranger and it filled you with anger.

my life has changed.

the world has changed.

don’t you find it strange that you just went ahead and carried on?

are we all just pullin’ you down?

strawberry wine.

darling, speak to me.

don’t you say a word.

you thought you were cursed?

i’m in love with every song you’ve ever heard.

if i could lose you, i would.

all the time we used to have.

the things i miss but know are never coming back. 

no thing defines a man like love that makes him soft.

growing sideways.

finally found some middle ground.

i said, ‘i’m cured.’

i divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts.

i’m still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them.

it’s a start.

but i ignore things and i move sideways ‘til i forget what i felt in the first place.

i know there are worse ways to stay alive.

everyone’s growing and everyone’s healthy.

if my engine works perfect on empty, i guess i’ll drive. 

i forgot my medication, fell into a manic high.

now i’m sufferin’ in style.

why is pain so damn impatient? ain’t like it’s got a place to be.

if all my time was wasted, i don’t mind. 

i’ll watch it go.

it’s better to die numb than feel it all.

halloween.

the dawn isn’t here, the sun hasn’t rose.

they got money to make and children back home.

i worry for you, you worry for me.

the bridges have long since been burnt. 

i’m leavin’ this town and i’m changin’ my address.

i know that you’ll come if you want.

i’m losin’ myself.

i’m seein’ my life on a screen.

i know that you fear that i’m wicked and weary.

i know that you’re fearin’ the end. 

i only tell the truth when i’m sure that i’m lyin’. 

homesick.

are you bored yet?

the weather ain’t been bad if you’re into masochistic bullshit.

this place is such great motivation for anyone tryna move the fuck away from hibernation. 

time moves so damn slow i swear i feel my organs failing.

i stopped caring ‘bout a month ago, since then it’s been smooth sailing. 

i would leave if only i could find a reason. 

i got dreams, but i cant make myself believe them. 

i’ll spend the rest of my life with what could have been. 

i will die in the house that i grew up in.

i’m homesick. 

still.

i don’t wanna say goodbye.

it only falls into place when you’re fallin’ to pieces.

you miss something that you can’t place but you can’t deny it. 

you can’t stay here.

it’s hard to face and it feels too ugly.

it’s like i’m still here with you. 

can i fix what is broken?

the view between villages (extended). 

for a minute, the world seems so simple.

i am not scared of death.

i’ve got dreams again.

there is meanin’ on earth. 

i feel so far from it.

it’s all washin’ over me. 

i’m angry again. 

the things that i lost here, the people i knew.

they got me surrounded for a mile or two. 

i found a town big enough for anything i want.

i’m not a city girl, by any means.

it still has a lot of meaning to me.

i grew up there. 

your needs, my needs.

you ain’t gotta tell me what it means.

i promise to be there this time. alright? 

you were a work of art.

that’s the hardest part.

i’m naming the stars in the sky after you.

dial drunk.

i promised to forget you.

i ain’t takin’ any fault.

am i half the man i used to be? i doubt it.

forget about it, whatever.

it’s all the same anyways.

i ain’t proud of all the punches that i’ve thrown. 

for the shame of being young, drunk, and alone.

i gave your name as my emergency phone call.

i’d die for you.

from charmin’ to alarmin’ in seconds.

i’ll let the pain metastasize.

i beg you, sir, just let me call.

let’s wait, i swear she’ll call me back.

son, are you a danger to yourself?

fuck that, sir.

son, why do you do this to yourself?

paul revere.

this place had a heartbeat in its day.

nothin’ was the same.

it just ain’t that simple, it never was.

one day i’m gonna cut it clear.

i’m not from around here.

i’ll leave before the road crew’s out. 

i’ll turn up the music and i’ll forget.

i’m not ready to let go yet.

i’ll just pretend i didn’t hear.

it’s typical, i fear.

folks just disappear.

if i could leave, i would’ve already left.

no complaints.

i thought i had something and that’s the same as having something.

i get mad at nothing.

i pull no punches, then feel bad for months.

thought i was raised better, tried to fake better.

now the weight of the world ain’t so bad.

i saw the end, it looks just like the middle.

i filled the hole in my head with prescription medication.

who am i to complain?

now the pain’s different. It still exists, it just escapes different.

yes, i’m young and living dreams.

i’m in love with being noticed and afraid of being seen.

call your mom.

oh, you’re spiralin’ again.

don’t you cancel any plans.

stayed on the line with you the entire night ‘til you let it out and let it in.

don’t let this darkness fool you.

i’ll drive all night.

i’ll call your mom.

oh, dear, don’t be discouraged.

i’ve been exactly where you are.

if you could see yourself like this.

you’dve never tried it.

stayed on the line with you the entire night ‘til you told me that you had to go.

throw a punch, fall in love, give yourself a reason.

don’t wanna drive another mile wonderin’ if you’re breathin’.

won’t you stay with me?

you’re gonna go far. 

this is good land, or at least it was.

it takes a strong hand and a sound mind.

it makes me smile to know when things get hard, you’ll be far from here.

pack up your car.

put a hand to your heart.

say whatever you feel.

be wherever you are.

we ain’t angry at you, love. 

you’re the greatest thing we’ve lost.

the birds will still sing.

we’ll be waiting for you, love.

we’ll all be here forever.

we spent so long just getting by.

that’s the thing about survival; who the hell likes livin’ just to die?

you told me you would make a difference.

it won’t be by your own volition if you step foot outside this town.

it’s all we’ve had for always.

you’re gonna go far.

if you wanna go far, then you gotta go far.

forever.

let’s drive for no reason.

you look fine in the evening.

honey, it’s starting to storm.

used to wish i meant anything to anywhere, to anyone.

i’m glad i get forever to see where you end.

i won’t be alone for the rest of my life.

i’ll meet a girl in the heat of july.

i’ll tell her so she knows.

i’m broke, but i’m real rich in my head.

when i hold her close, i might loosen my grip, but i won’t ever let her go.

[cryptidghostgirl]

heyhey! You said you had a request but couldn’t see it and in case it was mine here i am once again humbling asking you to feed my delusions. I am the same person who asked for the one with the fake dating trope and the one where reader spawns into the lobby :))

But i am here now going for a more angsty route! >:) Granted, this is more of an OC x Alastor but im describing it more generic for the populace BUT HERE GOES

right before “Cover me” reader kept silently glancing over at Alastor which was on the dance floor, subconsciously making him approach her. He goes of course they have a (Important for later) conversation like “I havent seen you around here. Are you new around town?” “Just moved in actually~” “Well, Id love to give you a tour someday, the names Alastor” and he kisses her hand “Ah a charmer, ill have to be careful around you” (OR A MORE ELEGANT CONVERSATION THEN THAT I SUCK AT DIALOGUE) then theres the knife and gun scene and the team up

And then they get together after about a year or two and I dont wanna say theyre legally married but eventually use wife and husband terms because its more fancy and gives them more respect in eyes of others but they have been together for around 5 years at this point.

but then the events of 1925 happen where readers twin brother dies because some bastards set fire to his house and Reader has an argument with Alastor before eventually going alone to avenge her brother (theyre like “theres too many, youll die” “so be it!”)

Reader kills them all (duh) but because it was January and extremely cold she eventually gets hypothermia and during the delusions it gives she stumbles and gets impaled on an abandoned rusty fence spike and dies :3

Alastor find her and gives her a proper burial and 8 years later in 1933 while visiting readers grave he gets shot canonically

But these 8 years gave reader enoigh time in hell to establish her own dominance and due to the life she lived and the death of hypothermia- she gets turned into a sort of blizzard demon. Around 180 cm with black limbs, white fluffy hair and fluffy ears and a white tail as a sinner form and for the demon form im thinking of the faceless Room Guardians by Anyaboz on Instagram (incredible artist btw) with ice powers like summoning weapons and ice spikes and ice touches and moving freely (like Kindred’s wolf in League) in her blizzard. Taking over half the pentagram like this-

Until 1933 when Alastor pops up in hell, does his demon business and eventually wants to check out these frozen parts and goes into a bar very similar to the one they met and sees reader at the table and then THEY HAVE THE EXACT SAME CONVERSATION THEY HAD WHEN THEY FIRST MET (maybe with the knife and gun scene too hehe) and theyre both like “i forgive you” or smth idk maybe they just have a silent agreement- either way.

After they met the blizzard stops and no one knows why or who did it :>, readers identity as the blizzard demon remaining a secret

BTW I LOVE YOU FOR MAKING MY DREAMS COME TRUE- if you want more i have a ton of ideas because brain rot- (also lil side note i kind of imagine reader as albino because it would fit my ocs lore a bit more- but keeping it basic would fit everyones ideas of their own reader so! do what you please you already made my day better by reading my ideas come to life :3))

yes!! i did see yours and it is currently in third place for requests i need to fill so ill probably get it done by this weekend, early next week at the latest. it’s just taking me a bit because i’m in midterms rn and also i want to make sure i get in all the details :) i think it might’ve been a request for alastor’s mom reader x lucifer?? i recall getting one about that but can’t seem to find it anywhere. long story short,, your request is in progress and i will post it as soon as i have the time to finish it up :)

UPDATE: This piece has officially been posted as of Friday February 23rd, 2024.

Frostbite (Alastor x Reader)