#maybe rick and nathan

[littlegodzilla]

Well I heard someone might be a little down in the dumps today. It's been a while since I've posted anything here, but I wanted to do a little something to make you feel better.

I hope you like it

************

I can try.

Daryl Dixon x Fem Reader.

One shot.

@celtic-crossbow birthday present.

Warnings: M. Friends to lovers. Smut.

Words: 10k.

Summary: You and Daryl are good friends, but sometimes is good to try new things.

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"No. Stop... wait..." You gasp with a frown. "Stop, stop."

"What's wrong?"

"That I can't... I can't."

"What?"

"It's not going to work...I'm going home." You push his hands away from you, getting up from the bed, reaching for your clothes.

"But what's wrong with you? I thought you..."

"Yes, I wanted to, but you've been looking for my spot for fifteen minutes... it's not going to go well, I'd better go." You shake your head getting dressed.

"But don't leave me like this! At least let me finish."

"Use your hands, like I'm going to do when I get home." You tell him and quickly leave the room.

"You're such a bitch!"

You hurry out of the house, adjusting your jacket to your body, the weather is still nice, but the nights are starting to get cold. Your feet move fast towards home, you want to get home as soon as possible and get into bed, you'd even like to disappear if possible.

Things have changed. A lot if you stop to think about it. Alexandria has changed for a few years now, after the Wolves, the hordes of Walkers, The Whisperers and some Communities that tried to take over yours, but finally Alexandria is safe and you all live in tranquility, or at least what this new world allows you. Since then, since you have settled there, you have allowed yourself to free yourself a little, of course there will always be guards to keep, to go out for supplies, to fight, but when all is quiet, you allow yourself to be who you were before. You spend days on the porch or in the garden, reading, watching the clouds move, you help in the fields, with the animals, you teach the children, who are more and more in the community. You have boyfriends. You have sex, arguments, breakups. It almost feels like your old life, but something is not right now.

You have been dating Nathan for a few months now, thanks to Deanna you have a new calendar and the days don't go on forever. You've been going out with him for a while now, he's nice, you get along well, you have fun... but in bed you don't quite click. It's frustrating and a bit embarrassing, you've been running away like a rat, but you'd rather cut the relationship before things get even more strained.

You get home. You're going to spend a few days at Rick and Michonne's house, the last storm that hit Alexandria washed away part of the roof of your house, now you entertain yourself in the morning to fix it with the help of other colleagues, but you still have for a few days. You close the door with some violence, your anger coming out.

"Dun be so noisy. There’re children sleepin’." You hear a voice in the darkness.

"Fuck, Daryl!" you jump, holding a hand to your chest. "What the fuck are you doing in the dark?"

"I've just come up now." He says turning on a small light in the dining room. "Rick and I are gonna out fer  few days."

"Well turn on the light, you could kill someone with a heart attack." You growl, looking sideways at him, he shakes his head.

"Sorry." He apologizes, you can feel his gaze running up and down you, making you nervous. "Bad night?"

"Frustrating." You reply in a curt tone, making it clear you don't want to talk about it. "Where are you going?" You'd rather change the subject. You know Rick doesn't get out of the community much since RJ was born helping Michonne with whatever she needs.

"Dunno. Not too far. Maybe a couple of days, no more than a week." he answers your question, shaking out his backpack a bit, rearranging the things inside. "Back Rick wants to go to Hiltop, need anythin’ from there?" he wants to know, you stand for a moment thoughtfully and gesture to him.

"Wait." You nod and trying not to make any noise, you go up to your room, coming down shortly after. "Here, give it to Maggie, please." You hand him a small letter. He looks at it, but nods, tucking it into his vest pocket. "Thank you. Have a safe trip and be safe." You ask.

"A'right. Night."

"Good night." You whisper looking at him again and go up to your room.

You've been traveling with Rick's group since they showed up by the Greene farm where you too had taken refuge after your parents were bitten and Hershel locked them in the barn. Your first impression with Rick Grimes' group was rough and wild, but you will never regret following him after that, thanks to him you had a real home in the prison, thanks to him you were still alive, thanks to him you now have this community, you are safe and happy. They are your family now and you know you can trust them, Maggie, Tara, Michonne, Rosita, they are your friends you can vent to, Carol sometimes acts more like a mother and that's not much older than you, but it's her instinct above all else. Carl and Sophia are little siblings to all of you, as are Judith and RJ. 

You lie in bed, curling up, feeling your body pulse, the heat coursing under your skin, but you ignore it, your head dull, the anger still lingering. You close your eyes and try to sleep.

"Good morning." Michonne greets you that morning, carrying little RJ in her arms.

"Good morning." You greet her by putting the coffee pot on the stove for breakfast the two of you. "Hey, shorty." You touch his nose and smile looking at Michonne out of the corner of your eye. "Quiet night?"

"Until Rick left...I think he feels it, he's been restless after that." She tells you, tucking the child into her arms.

"Daryl told me it wouldn't be many days, they'll stop by Hiltop when they get back." You tell her, she nods and sighs.

"Sometimes I miss getting out and exploring the world."

"Me too, you can leave the little one with Rosita or Carol, for a few hours I don't think they'll mind."

"I know, but now I have the constant fear of... not coming back." She whispers and you look at her pityingly. 

"Hey that's not going to happen, you're our samurai, no one can take you." You joke and she laughs low, chuckling. "Sit down, I've made breakfast."

"Thanks. If you keep this up I don't know if I'll let you go home." She jokes too. "Speaking of which, you came early last night, usually when you meet Nathan..."

"Yeah, well... we broke up..."

"Broke up? Why, what happened?" she sets RJ down in his highchair accepting the coffee you hand him. 

"It wasn't working... we didn't quite click..." You explain on top of it, but start to explain more when she prods you a little.

"You know Nathan is going to get hysterical, they're going to say a lot of bullshit..."

"I don't care, at the end of the day I took off leaving him halfway through." You shrug your shoulders as you braid your hair into a braid.

"If you see him get too nervous, we can get him to shut up."

"Don't worry, Michonne, I'll manage." 

After breakfast, you leave the Rick family's house, to go to work in the fields and with the animals, that afternoon you have guard duty too, it's going to be a long day, but at least it will help you to keep your head busy.

The whispers, gossip and looks soon spread through the community. Nathan, completely pissed off with you, goes out of his way to make it clear to every man in Alexandria that you are a slut. You try not to make a big deal out of it, but two weeks have passed and your neediness continues to grow and no one pays any attention to you, which makes the situation more frustrating

Daryl and Rick have been back from patrol for a week now, they've brought some people with them, they've made new deals with other communities that are starting to expand, they've even brought more supplies. They are at the bar that opened a year ago having a home brew, it's not great, but it's drinkable. Abraham, Eugene and Glenn are with them.

"We're expanding the southern part of the community." Rick explains to Glenn since he hasn't been around for a while. "We're opening up the walls bit by bit, keeping an eye on the hordes of Walkers and slowly moving the houses out of the compound."

"That's a good idea, we're expanding the farming area too, there are more and more of us and the houses are getting too small."

"If ya guys need help with construction we can form a posse." Daryl says as Abraham nods.

"Thanks, I'll talk to Maggie and Jesus." He nods grateful for the support of those who have always been his family.

"I tell you guys don't let that bitch fool you." They hear talking from another table. "She dried up and took off." He growls again. Daryl frowns.

"Who are they talking about?" Glenn asks curiously and Eugene snorts saying your name. Daryl's blue gaze bores into him.

"Apparently they had a relationship. But the thing didn't work out. They broke it off and he's running around talking all kinds of shit." He keeps talking, this time Abraham. "I've threatened to smash his face in, but he won't fucking listen to me." Daryl sees the anger under the ginger mustache.

"I'll have to go talk to him myself." Rick snaps tongue in annoyance.

"Hey, Nathan." Daryl raises his voice and almost the entire bar falls silent. "Why dun ya keep yer voice down?"

"What do you say, Dixon?" he replies, rising from his stool. Rick and the others tense up, but Daryl remains calm.

"That yer talkin’ shit ‘bout someone who ain't here and can't defend herself." He turns his head to look at him. "Besides, it's bullshit."

"And what the fuck do you know?" he roars, but Daryl doesn't flinch.

"I know ‘cause I've been with her too." His companions' eyes widen so wide they look like they're going to pop out of their sockets. "Ya should stop sayin’ she's a slut, maybe ya weren't able to touch her like she deserved." He spits at Nathan with a growl at the end of the sentence.

"And you do, redneck? Since when do you know what a pussy is?"

"Better than ya, like I see." He replies and when the man wants to pounce on him, the bar owner grabs him and pulls him out of there by force.

"Have you slept with her?" Abraham asks unable to contain himself any longer.

"Nah." He shakes his head, drinking from his beer.

"And why the fuck did you tell her that?"

"To get him to stop sayin’ that shit about her."

"But now they'll think she's your girlfriend." Rick tries to understand. "That's not going to get any guy to want to be with her again." Daryl gives them all a sidelong glance, and goes back to drinking from his beer.

"She's gonna be pissed." Eugene says what they're all thinking. "It's not like she's flirting with the men in this community all day, but she has her needs. Just like everyone else." Eugene says again. Daryl gives them a sidelong glance, but shrugs it off as unimportant.

It's frustrating. And you're pissed off. You don't know what's wrong with the men in the community, but they all avoid you like you're cursed, have a fatal disease, or worse. You don't need a steady partner either, but maybe you do need someone to give you some fucking affection.

"Is it that you guys are avoiding me or what's going on?" you growl when another fellow member waves at you from afar, but he looks scared.

"No, it's just... we don't want any trouble."

"Trouble about what? Hey if it's about Nathan, I understand being pissed, but that's only ever happened to me with him..."

"No, it's not about that, Daryl already said he had a big mouth."

"Daryl? I-I don't understand..."

"You're his girl, he said so. I'll pass on Dixon having me in his crosshairs."

You're speechless, you can't even defend yourself from what he just said before he walks away. What  Daryl talked to them? That you're his girl? What's that all about? You don't understand anything. Yet as the pieces start to fall into place, your brow furrows, your cheeks flush as anger bubbles under your skin. You emerge from the bar almost like a basilisk ready to talk to the archer. You discover the motorcycle parked next to Rick's house, so you don't hesitate, you walk determinedly towards the basement door and slam it with all your might.

"Dixon, I know you're in there!" you bang on the door again. "Your bike is outside!"

You're tempted to turn around the house, go in the front door and kick down the basement door inside, but it's too late, surely the kids are already asleep. Then the door opens, Daryl looks at you confused from the other side, his hair is disheveled and his eyes are narrowed, it looks like you've woken him up. At another time you'd feel sorry for him, but you're still angry, so you walk in uninvited, crossing your arms.

"What are you doing?" You bark.

"What?" he grunts, rubbing his eyes. You realize then that he's only wearing his jeans, bare-chested and barefoot.

"What have you been going around saying?" you insist shaking your leg nervously.

"What ‘bout? The beer from the bar still has my head choking." He rubs his hair and cross his arms, hands under his armpits.

"What have you told Nathan? Or all the guys in the community? That we're boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"No. I didn't say 'girlfriend'." He shakes his head, understanding what you're saying at last. "I just shut his mouth. He was goin’ around callin’ ya slut and frigid. I just made him think the problem was his ‘cause he didn't know how to touch ya."

"That was my problem! You had no business butting in." You snort in frustration. 

"I didn't want him to keep talkin’ bout ya like that." He's not upset, that much is obvious and it stresses you out more.

"Now all the guys are ignoring me! It's like they're afraid of me. No, they're afraid of you."

"M? Ain't gonna do anything to them."

"No, but they think I'm your girl." You remind him, waving your arms nervously. "You can go to the bar and talk to them, clear it up. Tell them we broke it off or it was a shag. But we're not together anymore."

"’kay." He shrugs. "Sorry."

"Well..." You tell him going to the door again. "Anyway... thanks." You look sideways at him. "I know you just wanted to help me and I appreciate it, but I deserve it too."

"Dun think so."

"I left him half-heartedly, I got frustrated, I couldn't... no matter how much he..." You have to admit you're embarrassed to talk about this with Daryl. "So he had a right to say all those things about me." You shrug turning back towards the door.

"I can try." Daryl speaks and you stop.

"What?" you turn to look at him.

"It's frustratin’, the need, wantin’ to finish but not getting there..." He advances towards you, slowly, calculating his steps. Your eyes follow his every advance feeling goosebumps rise on your skin. "Even when yer alone in yer room, it's as if ya've suddenly forgotten how yer own body works.”

"Y-yes..." You gasp, his thumb brushing your lower lips, his blue eyes sinking into you.

"I can try..." He says again. "Maybe it was just Nathan, that he really didn't know what he was doin’."

It's possible, but you're so enraptured in his gaze that you're unable to respond. Daryl holds you by the back of the neck, his nose brushing against yours.

"I only have one condition, close yer eyes."  He whispers very close to your mouth.

You hesitate for a few seconds, not quite sure if you want to figure out how this is going to go on, but your eyes close. Seconds later, Daryl's lips are on yours, very lightly, slowly, they feel warm, but not nervous. The sensation makes you snap your eyes open, seeing Daryl staring at you. He breaks the kiss, but his hand is still holding the back of your neck.

"Close yer eyes."

"Y-Yes." You nod closing them again.

This time his mouth encompasses yours completely, his fingers closing tighter against your skin and hair, you don't hesitate to reciprocate, his lips moving against yours, his tongue entering your mouth and you moan low resting your hands on his bare chest. Daryl kisses the line of your jaw, down your neck, you throw your head back, leaning against the door. Daryl's mouth continues to run down your neck, you feel him bite against your racing pulse and you moan at the pleasure coursing through you. You close your eyes tighter, tempted to open them again to see what he's doing.

A squeak escapes your mouth as Daryl pulls you away from the door to make you walk towards his room. He pulls your shirt off, his large hands caressing your wide hips, moving down to your ass as his mouth kisses and bites your shoulder, moving down to your chest. Daryl's hands grip your ass tighter lifting you a few seconds off the floor then sitting you on his bed. Daryl kneels in front of you, his fingers brush your cheeks and lips, you can't see him because your eyes are still closed, but he smiles at you for being so obedient.

He unclasps your bra, his mouth once again running over the skin of your shoulders as he pulls down the straps of your bra before tossing it to the floor.

"Daryl..." A gasp escapes you.

His fingers grasp one of your breasts, he bites and kisses its shape before catching your nipple in his mouth, which he plays with inside his mouth, sucking, licking and nibbling at his pleasure, not neglecting your other nipple which he fiddles with between his fingers getting your head to start spinning, pleasure forming in your stomach, your body jerking. Daryl releases your nipple with a wet sucking sound, licks your skin with the gate of his tongue, from your sternum, down to your navel as he guides your body to lie on the bed. He bites your navel, licks your soft, bulging skin. His deft fingers unbuckle the belt of your pants as well as your boots quickly leaving you in your panties on his mattress. Daryl stops, giving you a little time to catch your breath, he sees you agitated, he doesn't want to make you nervous. He gets up from the floor, you are tempted to open your eyes again when you hear the sound of his belt slapping against the bedroom floor. You lick and bite your lip, waiting for what else Daryl is going to do with you. You feel his body lay down next to you, his mouth runs down your cheek and neck again, one of his arms wraps around your shoulders under your body, his other hand again caresses your belly, your hips, his fingers tighten on your thick thighs to spread your legs apart. You jerk, his hand under your neck covers your eyes as the fingers of his other hand caress your clothed pussy. You hold your breath for a few seconds, your heart racing, your skin too sensitive to his touch.

"Yer scared?"

"No..." You assure him and swallow hard.

"Anxious." He understands then, caresses your mons, slowly moving down, finding the opening of your folds, feeling the dampness of your underwear. "Needy." He kisses your cheek, your mouth, your tongues tangle in a passionate battle.

You arch your back, Daryl's fingers begin to move in circles over your clit, you spread your legs wider to give him better access, still kissing. You dare to touch him at last, one of your hands grips the back of his neck, pulling his hair slightly, your other hand holds his wrist, not stopping him, perhaps daring to guide him a little, before reaching for your breast and stimulating your own nipple. The hunter's pupils dilate, at the sight of you, his fingers on your clitoris move faster.

"Ya like this, ain't ya?" he whispers against your ear, catching that same nipple you're touching, in his mouth, you withdraw your hand, moaning louder.

"Daryl!”

You're so close, you can feel it, how the pleasure starts coursing through your whole body to pool in your lower belly, you're so close already, your eyes roll under Daryl's palm.

"No, not yet." He denies you and his fingers stop the moment.

"What?" you sound desperate, but you don't care, you were touching the best orgasm in a long time and he's denied you.

"Hold on a little." He asks you, releasing you.

Again the urge to open your eyes and say what he's thinking comes over you, but you hold tightly to the sheets as Daryl grabs your panties by the edges of the waistband. You lift your hips to help him get rid of them, the garment getting tangled around one of your ankles. Your heart races faster as you are aware of what Daryl wants to do to you and you bite your lip again.

"Nathan didn't know how to touch ya." You hear him speak. "I barely touched y’ and look how yer already." He scoffs, his fingers running along your folds.

"Don't... Don't talk about him now." You protest with a thread of a voice hearing him chuckle.

Daryl settles between your legs, spreading them a little further apart, his thumbs parting your folds watching your entrance press against nothing. When his tongue brushes your skin, hot, wet, you jump, your hips thrust against his mouth and Daryl devours you like a starving man. His tongue runs up and down your cunt, between your folds, prodding at your entrance, working its way in, he grunts and purrs at your taste, his lips close and press against your clit, sucking, pressing to heighten your pleasure. Which soon begins to swirl in your lower belly again. You close your eyes tightly, clutch the sheets between your fingers, until your knuckles turn white. Your legs jerk, in your mind you beg for it not to stop again. The air gets stuck in your lungs as one of his fingers finds its way into your core moving in and out, adding a second finger, increasing the pleasure, you spread your legs further apart, moving your hips against his hand. You feel him getting closer and closer, stronger and stronger. Daryl has no intention of stopping, but the point he's taking you to is too much.

"Daryl, wait, wait..." You moan, but you can't stop him in time.

You cum, with a long moan, in surprise and pleasure, you let yourself go, feeling yourself squirt and splash on Daryl's face. It's not the first time you've cum like this, it had happened to you before with other boyfriends who had known how to touch your exact spots, but from experience not everyone liked the experience and you didn't want this to ruin the moment.

"Fuck... Daryl, I'm sorry..." You say apologetically, covering your face with both hands.

"Did ya squirt?" He lifts his head, licking his lips. "I've never seen a woman do that..."

"I-I'm sorry..."

"Can ya do it again?"

"Can we pretend it didn't happen and..." You uncover your eyes and look at him, you can't help yourself. "What?"

"Could ya do it again?"

"I- I don't know..." You stammer, completely confused, it's the first positive reaction you've had to this.

“Find out?"

He kisses you again, intense, needy, his teeth biting your lips, his tongue fucking your mouth, his hand covers your eyes again and you close them just the same, lying back, letting his fingers cover your core again, overstimulating your clit, fucking you with his fingers, bringing you to another orgasm, this time faster than before. Your fingers tangle in his hair, you can't help it, and you bite him on the cheek as you cum again, soaking his fingers. Daryl protests at the bite, but his fingers don't stop until you close your legs and hold his wrist.

"Turn around." He tells you in a husky voice.

He releases you and turns away from you.

You do as he asks, turn around, hug the pillow, using it to cover your face, spread your legs apart, dig your knees into the mattress and raise your hips. Behind your back you hear Daryl rummaging for something and the tearing of plastic. You're about to say that at your age you're not worried about getting pregnant, but you're grateful that he's worried about the possibility or you getting something. You gasp as he returns to your side, pushes you slightly further forward, holds you by the waist and guides his cock to your entrance, pushing himself inside, bit by bit. You open your eyes wide, holding your breath, feeling him stretch you, working his way up until he's wedged inside you. You hear him huff and puff, gripping your hips with both hands, he slowly pulls out again, tearing a gasp from you, and you groan as he thrusts in a single thrust, taking on an almost cruel rhythm. Fucking you fast and hard, his fingers digging into the skin of your wide hips. Your moans echo in the room, muffled by the creak and squeak of the bed with each thrust Daryl delivers.

"Oh my God..." You moan holding onto the pillow, bucking your hips against his cock, moving to the opposite direction of his thrusts.

"Fuck..." You hear him say and his movements become more desperate.

The pace is fast, clumsy, sloppy, he's reaching his limit, you can sense it by how tightly he grips your body. But that's not what surprises you the most, it's the fact that he's going to get you to cum again. Three times, since before the apocalypse that hasn't happened to you.

"Daryl, Daryl!" you moan, your toes curling as you tense and clench around his cock.

You hear him curse through his teeth and your orgasm takes over as he spanks your ass hard as he too cums staying still inside you as he unloads and fills the condom. 

You both need to catch your breath, you can feel him rocking forward, but he doesn't quite land on your body, his fists are resting on the mattress. You gasp hard against the pillow, trying to process everything that just happened, to stop your knees from shaking.

Daryl steps carefully away from you, you hear his footsteps getting lost down the hallway, all the way to the bathroom, you guess, until you hear the flush of water running. Maybe it's your cue. Maybe it's time for you to grab your clothes and leave. You don't wait for him to tell you. Still feeling weak in the knees, you grab your clothes from the floor, get dressed quickly, leaving the room with your shoes still in your hand. You pass him at the bathroom door. You don't quite know what to say, but he doesn't seem to expect you to either.

“Night." He says.

"G-good night..." You reply, lowering your gaze, walking out of the basement.

You're not sure you'll be able to sleep that night with how fast your heart is beating.

You watch the sunrise. Lying in your bed, looking up at the ceiling, you slowly watch the moon leave its place for the sun, the first rays are annoying, but then you get out of bed. Ready to go on with your daily routine. That makes you think, what's going to happen now between you and Daryl? How should you talk to him? Look at him? What exactly did it mean?

You've known Daryl for years, you've seen him change, that transformation that earned the trust of his entire group, you've seen him fail, make mistakes, but also be loyal, faithful, a friend and protector, you've even seen him joke and laugh when he thought no one was watching. You know his true loyalty is with Rick and Carol, they are the most important people to him, even though he loves the whole group, they are the ones he would give his life for the most. Still, being wandered back and forth and in prison, he took time and patience to teach you how to defend yourselves, how to hunt and how to be invisible. You can say you are friends, almost certainly, you know that if you asked him for help or a favor, he would do it. But this is different. You're not blind, Daryl has his own charm. Many women have noticed that appeal too. Quiet and grumpy, but at the same time he has a big heart. It's also true that you've never seen him with a woman or a man either, but it's clear he knows what he's doing and how he's doing it... maybe before the world went to hell he was in a relationship, or in his travels from community to community he's met other women he's had fun with... no, Daryl's not like that, you don't see him that way.

You let out air loudly through your mouth, trying to stop thinking about it, you adjust your clothes and leave the house to head to the farm area, Olivia gave you a list of things that needed to be replenished in the store room; Beans, tomato, squash if there were still any left, you were starting to plant cabbages as well and although they are not your cup of tea, you are excited to see how the first ones are starting to emerge, slowly forming.  It's ironic, how little you loved getting up early on your parents' farm to help them with the work in the fields and how much you treasure it now. You still hate mosquitoes, though.

"Good morning." You raise your head when you see Carol right in front of you, with such a characteristic smile. You smile too.

"Good morning, Carol." You greet her, carefully plucking some tomatoes, dropping them in the box you bring with you. "Do you need anything?"

"I've come to get some carrots and squash to make a couple of pies." She tells you walking into the field with you. "I talked to Olivia and she gave me permission." She jokes, making you smile again. "How are you, I see you in a better mood than you've been these days." She comments absentmindedly and you open your eyes wide.

You know you can't hesitate with her, Carol is quiet but she knows how to observe and as the mother of the group, she will worry if she sees you take too long to answer or try to make up a lie.

"Y-yes, it's just that I went to talk to Daryl yesterday." Your voice trembles for a second and you clears your throat. 

"Oh, so that was you, Michonne said someone almost woke RJ up because they were banging on the garage door."

"Shit..."

"Don't worry, I think Rick already calmed her down."

"Argh, I don't want to know about that..."

"So were you able to talk to Daryl?" She asks you again, helping her pluck the carrots. "You know he sometimes acts without thinking, but he doesn't mean it."

"It's like you're talking about a puppy or a child..."

"What's the difference?" she jokes, making you laugh, but yes, if you told her what Daryl had done to you she wouldn't think of him as a child.

"We were able to talk and he told me he'd clear it up, so I was more at ease."

Carol shoots you a curious look, you frown slightly, waiting for her to say something, but the woman remains in a state of mystery. When you finish filling your boxes, you walk together toward Olivia's storage room.

"What, are you going to tell me what's on your mind or not?" You say because you can't stop seeing her smile.

"It's nothing, it's just that your 'courtship' gave a lot of buzz."

"Oh yeah?" You look at her curiously.

"Sure, believe it or not, Daryl has a lot of popularity among women." She nods, your eyebrows raise higher making her laugh.

"But... I've never seen Daryl with a girl... Do you know if he's ever had a girlfriend?"

"Well, we know he's tricky when it comes to making friends, but yeah, I know he had a thing with a girl he met in the woods... you know, after what happened with Negan, that time he took to himself." You nod. "And Connie..."

"I knew it!" You blurt out, perhaps shouting louder than you should have. "I knew it...I thought it was so cute that he wanted to learn sign language." You laugh softly, Carol nods. "But Connie."

"She's in the Commonwealth, you know she comes to see us from time to time, but last time, she told us she'd met someone there."

"Poor Daryl..."

"He was the first one to be happy for her, he's always been so good at heart."

"Yes... And what about the other girl?"

"I didn't know her." She shrugs. "But he told me she didn't want to come to Alexandria, he made her choose and when Daryl went looking for her, she was gone."

"...Do you think he misses her?"

"I don't know, this happened even before Connie, maybe he has her as a good memory, but I don't think so... Why?"

"No, curiosity, like I'm telling you, I've never seen him with a woman and... now you've blown me away."

"Daryl is so much more than you think."

Those words ring in your ears for the rest of the day. Yes, it's true, you found out that very night, when you showed up over there and he did with you whatever he wanted, whatever you let him, but it's not just that. You've discovered that Daryl has his little secrets, he's had his romances, his little love stories. None of them have ended, maybe, well and maybe that's why he's still elusive but it makes you want to know more, it makes you think about you, what has what happened meant to him? Should you talk about it?

"Hey..." His voice pierces your ears, making you raise your head. You're helping Olivia with the warehouse inventory and he's peeking through the garage door.

"Hi..." You whisper, you feel nervous and your hands move awkwardly, you don't know where to put them and you fold your arms. "Are you here to get something?"

"Carol." He answers with a nod. "I was told she had gone to the orchard, have ya seen her?"

"She came all the way out here with me, she was bringing some stuff to make some pies, I guess she's home."

"Nah... she ain't there, I've already looked for her."

"Uhm... maybe she's at the mill, or she's gone to help Rosita with Coco..." You give him several options seeing how he shrugs. "Is something wrong?"

"No, I'm gonna go to Hiltop." He tells you. "Maggie and Glenn need help there, I'm taking a group for a few days. I just wanted to say goodbye."

"Oh... You've already got the posse closed?"

"Yeah, wanna come?" He shifts his body weight from one foot to the other, squeezing the crossbow band with his hand.

"Uhm no, if you've already got it all organized."

"No, ya can come, if ya wanna, the more hands we have the better." He shakes his body, raising his hands.

"Okay." You nod, you really feel like going to Hiltop, see Maggie, maybe talk to her about what happened with Daryl. "I'll pack the backpack and..."

"Okay, let Rick know, we'll wait for you at the gate."

"Okay."

It looks like things haven't changed between you and Daryl. You're relieved about that. Thinking about how you should act from now on was weighing you down a bit, but the hunter doesn't show any sign of discomfort, or approach either, it's a bit disappointing, but you prefer it that way, you don't want the friendship you have with him to be ruined. Once you have your pack ready, you grab your Halberd and run off in search of the group, Daryl is waiting for you along with a couple of wagons with the horses, your companions and the gear you're going to need.

"Hop on." The archer says to you, looking at the bike. You nod, climbing on without hesitation. It's not the first time you've ridden together on his bike.

On the ride nothing is out of the ordinary, except for how fast your heart feels. You're used to riding the bike with him, but your head is going a mile a minute. Daryl slows down a little as you ride over the bridge you built a few years ago, the vibration of the wheels going over it sends a tingle through your body and you hug a little tighter to Daryl's body. He looks over his shoulder at you, smiles and speeds off again. Arriving at Hilltop fills you with excitement, you almost jump off the bike when the gates open and you finally stop. Maggie, Glenn and Jesus are the first to greet you. You run straight to your friend, hugging her tightly. It's been days since you've seen her, she takes care of the whole community with her husband and Jesus, she had too many obligations on her back.

"I didn't know you were coming."

"I joined the group at the last minute." You smile, hugging Glenn and Jesus too.

"Good, because I hadn't gotten around to responding to your letter yet." He looks at you apologetically and you shake your head. "We've been pretty busy."

"I can see that, I love how you guys are rebuilding it, after what happened with the Whisperers." You sigh. "It's almost like going back to our parents' farm."

"Yeah... come on, we'll show you where you'll be sleeping these days." Glenn gestures for you to leave your things there.

The wagons are put aside, the animals are taken to the stable. Your companions are housed in different wooden cottages and you and Daryl are taken to another, slightly larger, two-bedroom cottage. 

"We didn't know you were coming, but I guess you don't mind sharing the house."

"No, no problem." Daryl shakes his head. "It's not the first time."

"No, I remind you that I was the one putting up with his snoring in prison." You joke and hear him snort.

"My snoring? The one moving the walls was you."

"No way!" You look at him offended, watching a small smile form on his mouth.

"I'll leave this here." He changes the subject, dropping his backpack on the couch. "I'm gonna go with the others, to find out what we're doin’ tomorrow."

"Okay, I'm going with Maggie and Jesus." 

"Okay." He nods before leaving the house.

With your friend and Jesus you go up to the main house of Hilltop, they have restored it, it is almost as majestic as it once was, no doubt they are trying their best to preserve that place. You feel a little uneasy, you didn't want to make a big deal out of it, seeing that Daryl hasn't changed his attitude towards you, but after what Carol has told you about his courtship, you need to talk to someone about it.

"We've been scouting the northeast area, we've covered more ground since the last checkpoint, across the bridge. We've found some settlements..." Maggie begins to speak as you enter her office. 

"I've slept with Daryl." You throw up, unable to contain yourself any longer. Jesus and Maggie raise their heads at the same time.

"What?" is all you can say.

"Are you dating Daryl?" he dares to ask. He doesn't want to get too much into the conversation, but curiosity gets the better of him too.

"No..." You avert your gaze, but you know you've captured Maggie Rhee's undivided attention.

You forcefully release air through your mouth, wanting to shake off the weight you feel on your back. You start talking, you tell her what happened with Nathan, how the relationship started to deteriorate, the little connection you had in bed and how you left his house leaving him in the middle. You then explain to him that Daryl tried to defend himself in his own way, tangling things up a bit more and when you wanted to talk to him, things cleared up, but you were surprised by his proposal.

"Was he the one who told you?" Maggie is getting more and more intrigued.

"Yes...and it was..."

"Okay! I don't want to know so many details!" Jesus refuses. "I'm leaving, when you're done, we'll talk." He tells you and leaves quickly.

"But don't say anything. Daryl keeps treating me as usual, it's not weird or awkward... I don't want things to get complicated."

"But...do you like him?"

"Daryl? Well..." You get quiet all of a sudden.

"Come on, haven't you ever thought about it?"

"I don't know. Have you?"

"No! I have Glenn."

"Let's see...he's changed a lot since we met him at your dad's farm...not just physically, I'm aware of that, but I never thought he...well nor that he could...like me." You shrug.

"Why not?"

"I don't know!" you groan in despair, covering your face with both hands. "I always thought Carol and him, but... well, we're friends..."

"Glenn and I started out that way." He tells you. "Sort of... and now we're married and we have Hershel."

"That last part doesn't bother me, getting pregnant at my age..."

"You can always adopt, like Aaron."

"First we'll figure out what this is, then we'll talk about kids..."

Maggie smiles broadly, you feel your cheeks flush, but you try to concentrate on what's important, the plans your friend was talking about with Jesus, the settlements found, the departures to talk to them, expand the circle of allies or prepare for a new battle. You spend hours planning, talking, rewriting everything they have to show it to Rick and Michonne, planning something also with Ezekiel. When you finish with your meeting you make a dinner for all the people of Hilltop, you use a huge kitchen that they have installed in the main house, there are a few of you who move between the stoves and tables, leaving everything ready. You feel your heart warming up as you look around you, discovering that everyone is enjoying that moment, the peace and calm that surrounds all those people. You look across the table when your eyes connect with Daryl's on the other side, next to Glenn and a few others, he stares at you, you can see him smiling sideways, a smile forms on your mouth as well and you look away, focusing on the food on your plate.

Your heart beats so hard you feel it pounding against your bones.

When dinner is over you feel your body pass you a ton. After all the travel, the community involvement and then the relaxation you've felt from being at dinner, it has taken all your strength. As you enter the house you almost throw yourself on the couch, but Daryl holds you down.

"No, no." He says. "Go to bed." He orders you. "Tomorrow we're gonna start work and ya need to be in top shape."

"Bossy..."

"Get used to it, although I dun think ya care sometimes." He subtly pushes you toward the room you've decided is going to be yours. You know what he means. You've understood his little dig. You turn to look at him, but he just points to your room with his chin. "Night." He says and disappears into his own room.

"Good night..." You whisper at his door.

 

Things are definitely business as usual. You know what Daryl is doing, he's feeling out the situation, trying to figure out the same thing you are, that everything is fine, that there's no conflict, that you can still call each other friends. Still, you can't help but smile, he tries to flirt with you too, carefully, dropping his words, waiting to see their effect. You wonder again what would have happened if that woman had returned with him to Alexandria or Connie hadn't stayed in the Commonwealth.

******************

Jobs are hard at Hilltop, everyone cooperates to raise the houses, expand the walls surrounding the city, protect the fields, outside Hilltop, so that the Walkers don't enter and destroy everything. Also to keep the animals safe.

Maggie has wanted to know on several occasions how things have been going with Daryl, if there have been any problems, you repeat to her several times that no, it's fine, not to insist on it. Anyway, you come home exhausted every day, the only thing you think about is taking a shower and going to sleep.

Your body is much more relaxed when you get out of the shower, the mist on your skin is the perfect sign that you've used up all the hot water. You feel a little bad for Daryl, but you know he'll understand.

"Rough day?" You hear Daryl's voice from his bedroom door.

"Same as yours." You look at him, he's showered too, before you, so he was already home when you've arrived.

"Come..." He whispers in a little roar that ruffles your hair.

"Okay." You whisper as well walking over to where he is.

Your body weighs down on Daryl's, you arch your back feeling the pleasure coursing through you as the archer, grabbing your ass, helps you move over him and he cums letting out a gasp in a grunt. You lay back on his chest, trying to catch your breath, Daryl's hands are still on your ass, you can feel his fingertips close, squeezing your ass, almost making you laugh.

"I don't know if I'll be able to go to my room..." You say with a trickle of voice.

"Ya can stay here. Dun gotta leave."

**************

There they are again, those same young women who have been after him for several weeks now. You frown slightly. Daryl has just returned from another trip of a few days, this time he brings some gasoline and parts that will be used to reinforce the walls of the community and continue its expansion, your people come and go constantly, some of you stay longer inside the high walls to take care of the city, but he is constantly out, which makes seeing him come back always a relief.

As soon as he drops the bike in front of his front door, there's already a group of girls nearby, wanting to help him, all talking at once, hovering around him, touching him without his permission. What do they intend?

"I think if you keep staring so hard you'll get some of them blown up." You listen beside you. Your heart leaps inside your chest, you raise your head, discovering Carol right next to you. You didn't even realize when she got there.

"I don't know..." You try to make something up, but she sits, on the porch, grabbing another shirt to help you. You're mending some clothes, small holes, adding patches of denim or leather to make them sturdier. Out of caution.

"Are these the girls you told me about?" She asks you again, you just nod.

"They've been after him like headless chickens for weeks." You sigh fixing your gaze for a moment on the patch you're sewing, the last thing you need is to stab a finger. "No matter what time, they're always waiting for him in front of his house."

"How do you know that, do you spy on him?"

"What? No! But we're neighbors, I see them walking past my house and..."

"I don't think you need to worry. I'm pretty sure Daryl has no interest in girls that young."

That shuts you up, also stopping in your tasks. You look up directing your gaze back to Daryl, the girls and now Rick is talking to his brother, the two of them seem engrossed in an important conversation. Ignoring the archer's small fan club.

"I-I don't mean age... Daryl can be with whoever he wants, but it bothers me that they think it's so simple, that he's going to notice them dressed... like this..."

You can feel that like this slipping out of your mouth. There is disappointment and frustration in such a small word. They're young and you understand that, despite the world you live in, they like to draw attention to themselves, feeling safe behind those walls, but you don't think those tiny jean shorts and tight t-shirts are the right bait with Daryl.

"You think Daryl isn't a man who notices pretty legs or a pair of boobs?" Carol asks, mockery and irony shaking her question. You grunt, shaking your head.

"No, of course he'll like those things, but I mean..."

"Are you afraid they'll take him away from you?" Attacks Carol again and that leaves you speechless.

After what happened at Hilltop, you've talked to the group. You've ended up telling them all, whatever is going on between you and Daryl. Maybe your main idea was to take a load off your mind, to clear your head, but you were also hoping for some kind of advice, some encouragement from them. But you only found curiosity and gossip, which makes that every time Daryl is around or comes up in a topic of conversation, mocking looks fall on you, wanting to disappear.

"No. I'm not afraid they'll take him away from me. He's nothing of mine." You fight back, feeling yourself start to get angry, nervous. It always happens to you when you're cornered. "But I think if they knew him well, they'd know that Daryl is not one to be swayed by first impressions, and it's obvious that they're just trying to get his attention because of his physique..."

"They want to have fun with him, yes, that's obvious." Carol agrees, calming down her game a bit when she realizes she's pulling on you too much. "But you know Daryl and you shouldn't worry. I doubt he'll fall for their game."

"I'm not worried...but I find it a little depressing that every day they do the same thing, like hoping that in the end, out of desperation, he'll agree."

"As I say, I don't think you should worry, he's clear about his own interests." Says the white-haired woman again.

You raise your head once again directing your gaze towards the hunter. Rick nods his head several times, Daryl speaks and expresses himself with his whole body, with quick and nervous gestures, but both men seem to come to an agreement. Rick taps him on the shoulder affectionately, helping him with the gas canisters he has brought, Carl is also there to lend a hand, Abraham and Olivia, who notes down everything the archer has brought. Leaving the bike and the empty trailer, Daryl is left alone again, well, the group of young people is still by his side, waiting to get his attention, but the man passes by. Between his hands he fiddles with a piece of paper, it looks like a new list of things to do or bring. You tense slightly as you realize he is walking directly toward your house, toward Carol and you. The girls call out to him, but they stay back, they never get too close when he's with any of you, whether it's Denise, or Rosita or whoever, they prefer to talk to him when he's alone. Or at least try to.

"Here comes Romeo."

"Carol!" you groan, looking at her with wide eyes.

"Hey Pookie!" The woman greets him, ignoring your reproachful voice. "How was the ride?"

"Fine, fine. I brought gas from a stand that traded it for Walkers, they have huge barrels, ain't sure where they get it from or how it stays stable, but it'll help us for a few days." He comments with his voice in a growl. Carol nods. "I've also brought some parts Eugene needed for the radio, I'm going with him to the Commonwealth to see Princess and Merce, Rick has some stuff for them." He shrugs. You raise your eyebrows.

"You're leaving again?" you blurt out, perhaps sounding more distressed than you intend.

"Yes, tomorrow, I'll get some sleep today, pack a car with everything I need and leave early." She nods chewing her lip several times.

"But you just got here..." it sounds almost stupid and you watch as he just shrugs, not understanding why it's a problem.

It's not a problem, there's no problem really. You understand that it's his job, that despite how long Alexandria is his home, Daryl is more comfortable outside the walls, it's his spirit animal, it's who he is. But it's a selfish feeling, you'd like to see him at least a few days over there, calmly, simply enjoying the day, with you, perhaps, doing nothing else. A single heartbeat, strong, forceful against your chest makes you aware of what you have just thought. Your pulse quickens as your face must reflect everything you are thinking, for the faces of your companions change, they look worried.

You want him to stay in Alexandria, with you.

Fuck…

"Are you okay?" Carol asks you.

"Y-Yeah, just..."

"Wanna come to the Commonwealth?" Daryl's voice brings you out of your bubble completely.

"What?" you feel a little stupid for your question.

"It's a good idea." Rick's presence catches you by surprise. You hadn't even seen him, he's there, standing in front of you, hands on hips, with a kind and calm gesture, but at the same time he has an amused gleam in his eye. He knows something, surely Michonne has told him something. "Juanita is going to need help organizing the party she has planned, I'm also going to send Rosita, Enid, Eugene and another group to help, to organize it with Max as well."

"Yes, that's a good idea, besides it's been days since you've been out, I'm sure Connie will be glad to see you." You're encouraged by Carol, for a second you want to ask if she'll be happy to see you or Daryl, but you bite your tongue in time.

"Well, okay, that way I can see how Princess is doing too." You agree although still a little nervous. Daryl nods his head.

"Get some clothes ready, a backpack and we'll leave first thing tomorrow morning."

"Okay..." You nod watching as they all slowly leave, leaving you alone again with Carol.

"You really like him." She comments. It's not a question, there's no hesitation. She just mentions something so obvious it makes you shudder.

"I..." You gasp nervously, looking at Daryl.

"It's possible that you always liked him, but that none of them would have noticed."

"Sounds like a cheesy romance novel..." You mutter and she laughs.

"More like an erotic novel, don't you think?" she jokes getting your cheeks to flush bright red.

You decide to set about getting your things ready after your conversation with Carol. You don't want to think about it too much. Have real feelings for Daryl. Not just the sporadic sex you two have. That makes you nervous and anxious at the same time, you'd like to talk to the archer, ask him if he feels the same way too, but at the same time, you're afraid that he doesn't, and it will all end drastically and awkwardly for both of you.

You leave your backpack, your weapons, your things in general ready at the side of the bed. You go over the edge of your halberd, it's been days since you've been outside the walls of Alexandria, you want to have everything ready so that there won't be any problems later. At night you find it hard to fall asleep, you are nervous about the trip, it's nothing new, it has always happened to you. Sitting on your couch, with a book in your hands and a dim light, you try to lure yourself to sleep so you can go to bed when you hear a knock at the door. Frowning slightly, you put the book down on the couch to open the door. Daryl is on the other side. Maybe in another situation you'd be surprised he was there, but not now. A small smile forms on your mouth in greeting, he gives you a sidelong glance before entering the house as you step aside. The door closes slowly, neither of you needing to say anything. You lean against the wall as Daryl leans into you, kissing you slowly. Your arms go around his neck, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

Falling asleep after that was much easier.

The next morning, the two of you wake up in your room, not for the first time, here or in Daryl's basement, since that night at Hilltop, sleeping together is also an option and in the mornings it doesn't feel strange, neither the situation, nor the conversation. Daryl gives a gentle touch to one of the legs lying on top of his, waking you up completely. You rub your eyes lazily to look up at him out of the corner of your eye. He looks asleep too, but greets you with a small smile.

"Morning." He grunts, you just hum, unable to find your voice yet. "I'm gonna go home to get my things, gotta everythin’ ready?"

"Yes...but, don't you want some breakfast first?" You offer, looking at him already with your eyes fully open and awake. He shakes his head.

"I'll eat something while I get the bike organized." He comments, you nod letting him free, you move your legs aside, Daryl gets up looking for his clothes.

"Okay, so I'll meet you later at the main house by the warehouse to get the wagon and horses."

"Okay." He nods, getting up, putting on the black sweater and vest.

Even today you find it painful to look at his back, there are many new scars due to the new world you live in, you all have them, but nothing compared to what the hunter has tattooed on him from his previous life. You sigh, earning Daryl a raised eyebrow, you shake your head.

"I don't know if I'll be able to get up." You joke, not wanting to worry him with your real thoughts. Daryl laughs through his nose, lowering his head, hiding his red cheeks with his hair.

"Don't be long, the Commonwealth is far, we need all day to get there, dun want us to get caught in the night." He asks you and you nod your head.

"Yes, sir." You smile, earning an intense stare, but the archer leaves without another word.

Later, already prepared, with your pack and weapons with you, you're finishing off the last few boxes in the wagon, Olivia making a list of everything you're taking with you as you tie the horses to the wagon. Daryl approaches down the same street, Rick meets him at the door of the house, greeting him with a gentle touch on the back to which the hunter responds with the same touch. Eugene and the rest of the group accompanying you are also ready to leave.

"I'll go ahead with the bike." Daryl says. "We'll position ourselves around the wagon to avoid any kind of assault or any Walkers getting too close."

"The group stay well aware, we know what the way there is like, we have communities that are allies, but there are always people who don't respect the rules." Rick speaks as well. "Don't waste ammunition unnecessarily, but don't be intimidated either."

"Don't worry, boss." Abraham says getting into his car. "We'll call in on the radio as soon as we get there."

"Go carefully." He asks you and you all set off.

Before you leave the community you see Carol standing by the front door, waving goodbye to you. A mischievous smile runs across her mouth and you look down, you know what's going through her mind and you don't want her to see your face turn red. A new trip with Daryl, which will keep you out of the community for a few days, surely Princess will offer you the hunter's old apartment, where he lived with the Grimes family. Thinking about it makes your stomach clench, butterflies flutter loudly almost making you dizzy. You shake your head to get those thoughts out of your head. The trip is going to be a long one, you need to stay alert on the road, the last thing you want is for your companions to end up in trouble because of your fantasies.

**********************

Princess and Merce are waiting for you at the huge gates of the Commonwealth when you arrive late at night. The sun is already setting leaving the uncertainty of the night behind you, but it has been an intense journey. You have been caught in an ambush of Walkers, two or three of which you have been able to deal with without much trouble, but further along the same road, they were cutting you off. Among them there was still some Whisperer, guiding them, using them as a shield to continue to survive. The supplies and yourselves are fine, but you arrive tired, covered in blood and mud, which does not prevent your friend from hugging you when you enter the community. Juanita gives Daryl a gentle hug, she has known the hunter for less time than some of you, but has learned that displays of affection with him are brief, with the rest she allows herself to give you a tight hug, smiling broadly and even laughs when she hugs Rosita, excited. Yumiko, Magna and Connie are also waiting for you in the main square, Max runs directly to hug Eugene who wraps his arms around her, happy to see her again. Merce approaches you giving you a handshake, the soldier is still stiff and formal, despite no longer working under anyone's orders. 

"It's good to see you again." You hear Daryl mutter, out of the corner of your eye you see him gesturing to Connie. She smiles broadly, giving him a hug that he accepts without hesitation.

You don't like the way you feel at that moment. Connie is a wonderful person and an excellent friend, for your stomach to cringe like that when you see them together, you don't like it. You don't want to feel that way. You and Daryl are nothing and they seem to fit together perfectly. You wonder again what would have happened if the two of them had decided to stay in Alexandria or come to the Commonwealth together. You'd possibly see Daryl a lot less and you'd never have figured out those feelings you have for him.

"Shit..." You mumble under your breath. Magna looks up, they're getting the stuff from the cart where you are.

"Everything okay?" she asks you leaving several boxes in a small trailer being taken away by other soldiers from the community.

"What? Oh, yeah, it's just... it's been a long trip." You lie, though not entirely. Truth be told a shower and a bed wouldn't hurt right about now.

"Okay, let the boys take care of this, come with us." Princess says, taking her partner's hand and you all walk towards the main building. You have a small meeting at the entrance. Max hands out a few things among you, apartment keys, a few bags with some towels and food already prepared.

"We have placed most of you in your old apartments, the rest of you are also relocated to various houses. If you don't know how to get there, we'll drive you, I think some of you are coming to the community for the first time." She says looking at some of the companions who have come with you.

"There is hot water so you can take a shower, the apartments are clean and we have prepared something to eat for you." Max explains as well. "We guess you guys are exhausted, we'll talk about the party tomorrow."

"Daryl." Merce speaks after a while observing the situation. "You guys we've put you in Rick and the kids' old house. Where you were living."

"A'right, thanks... I figure it's time for a well deserved rest." He looks at you, your body trembles, you didn't expect him to invite you, although it's clear, where else would you go? Well maybe in some other apartment, or with Rosita and Coco.

You detect out of the corner of your eye how Connie looks at the two of you, curiously, and then she smiles biting her lip. You open your eyes wide, nervous, feeling your cheeks burn. Something knows, something senses, which is reaffirmed when Daryl gives you a tap to get your attention, you snap out of your self-absorption to look at him.

"Cmon?"

"Y-yeah, see you tomorrow." You smile a little.

"Is there something I should know?" You listen to Merce talk to Princess.

"Later at home I'll explain it to you." She replies kissing your cheek. "Everyone to rest." She gives the others permission to retire.

"You're good at being the boss." Rosita tells her, cradling Coco in her arms.

"Nope. Merce take care of everything, I just pretend I know what I'm talking about." She jokes, making the small group laugh. "People are a lot calmer now that things aren't ruled...well, like they used to be." He shrugs.

A party. The thought keeps running through your mind as you walk the dark but quiet streets of the Commonwealth. True, things are quiet, it almost seems like the world you once knew, but that's... you still remember the first party in that world of the dead. When you arrived in Alexandria, not knowing what was going to happen, who these people were, or if things would work out. Deanna invited you all to a party to welcome you, seeing dresses, party clothes, high heels inside the closet of what would be your new home made you a little dizzy, making you think that that community would not stand for long.

You were glad you were wrong about that.

"It's been a while since I've celebrated Christmas." You comment, not sure if you said it loud enough or just thought it. When you feel Daryl's gaze on you, you know you've caught his attention.

"We've never celebrated." He mutters, not giving it a thought. You look at him in surprise.

"Never?"

"Well, when I was a kid, but I don't remember much...it was just another day my dad came home drunk." He shrugs.

"I'm sorry to hear that..." You whisper pityingly. You know little and less about Daryl's life, only what he's told you, and truth be told, he's never been too cheerful.

"It's not like I care." He shakes his body. "We can do it so the kids can enjoy a different kind of day, gifts, sounds good to me."

"I have to figure out what to get Judith and RJ."

"It's not like you have much of a choice." He tries to joke and you laugh through your nose.

"You're right..." You stand there for a moment thinking. "Do you want to come with me to the mall?" You say it as a joke, but at the same time it's true, you'd like to take a quick trip to the mall near the Commonwealth, “I'm sure it's stripped down, but just to try it out.”

"To the mall next door?" he asks catching you by surprise. "Do you think there will be anything left?"

"I-I don't know, but I'd sure like to take a look."

"Okay, we can make a list, bring stuff for the kids here too..."

"And for us, I mean... I'm sure the others will be excited too."

"I guess."

A small smile tugs at your mouth, biting your lip to try to stifle it a little and not annoy the hunter, but you feel his gaze on you, one eyebrow raised, questioning.

"What?"

"Nothing, I'm just excited by the idea. Just from imagining the kids opening the presents." You laugh softly and he seems to catch it, snorting.

"You like kids." He understands, looking sideways at you, opening the apartment door. "But I've never seen you with one."

"The world went to shit, Daryl, remember? The thought of bringing a baby into this world scares me, I know we're safer now, that things are different than they were in the beginning, but..." You shrug, venturing inside the house, right behind him. "Besides at my age the chances of me getting pregnant are very small..."

"But it's not impossible." You cut off your thoughts. You look at him, twisting your head slightly, smile trying to joke and put your hands on your hips.

"Is it that you want a baby, Dixon?"

He looks at you, there doesn't seem to be any expression on his face, but the intensity in his eyes make your smile falter, forcing you to hold your breath for a few seconds before he shakes his head.

You, maybe.

"Nah, who'd want another Dixon for the world?"

"I know of a group that would love to help you with that." You can't bite your tongue in time. By the time you're aware of what you've said, Daryl is already looking at you with raised eyebrows and a pursed mouth. How stupid.

"What?"

"Nothing."

But you know his question is rhetorical. That he understood perfectly well what you were referring to, he's just trying to set the conversation straight. You're standing there, in the middle of the living room of the apartment, now it feels incredibly small to you, feeling suffocated, you'd like to leave the conversation there, tell him goodnight and tomorrow will be another day. But Daryl turns on his axis and walks towards you a couple of steps.

"You mean the group short shorts?" He says with an amused edge to his voice.

Oh. He's noticed it too. You think, but of course, how can you not? As Carol told you, why wouldn't nice legs and little ones still in place get his attention? They'd get your attention too if you'd like those things. You shake off those thoughts, taking a small step back, looking at him sideways.

"They are always waiting for you when you come back from some mission..." You try to justify yourself.

"They're just looking for attention. Besides I don't think I could handle all four at once. I'm not that good." 

Your gaze shoots to him, there's a small smile on his mouth at the same time the tips of his ears look reddened. You hold each other's gaze for a few seconds before you laugh and lower your head, hiding the laugh between your teeth.

"Idiot."

"I have no intention with any of them." You say again. "I don't like them following me around either, but they don't listen to me."

"Bark, you're good at it when you're angry." You prod him and he snorts.

"I think you like it when I bark at you." He smiles moving a little closer to you.

"You don't bark at me...you just growl at me." You smile wanting to tease him, Daryl growls, brushing his nose against yours, a chuckle escapes you.

"You want me to growl at you?" he whispers against your lips, you nod.

"Yes..."

Opening your eyes you feel Daryl's arm around your waist, pressing you against his chest, fully asleep, or so it seems. Slowly, not wanting to wake him, you look up, discovering how calm and relaxed he seems. His other arm under his head, his disheveled hair falling over his eyes, his mouth half open, letting out several sighs that don't become snores. It is a privileged view that you try to burn into your mind. Very slowly you move between his arms, kissing his chin, the line of his jaw, but the movement wakes Daryl, putting him on alert. His huge hand covers your mouth as he turns sharply, standing over you. Your heart races at the sight of his still sleeping eyes. As he begins to become aware of where he is and who you are, he snorts and slowly lowers his hand from your mouth.

"I'm sorry. I was asleep..."

"I know, it's a miracle I didn't know existed." You joke and he rolls his eyes.

"Shut up. What were you doing?"

"Looking at you."

"That's creepy." He jokes and you laugh quietly.

"I like looking at you, you're so cute." You continue to sting watching his ears turn red.

"Why didn't you roll over and go back to sleep?"

"Because we have to go get the kids presents." You smile wider seeing him get a small smile too.

"Okay." He grunts letting you off the hook, sitting down on the bed to get his clothes and get dressed.

It's been days since you've dreamed of that time. Before you and Daryl started this relationship. The Christmas that changed everything for you.

Your relationship with Daryl started to become more evident and continuous from that first night in the Commonwealth. You went next to the mall, talking to Princess, Merce and Max about your gift idea, everyone thought it was a good idea and put together different requests from kids and teens in the community to try to bring everything. While you were looking for the last requests before Christmas day, the party was all organized, the room where it was going to be held was fully decorated, even a Christmas tree had been put up and was being surrounded by lots of presents, but some were left behind and you were doing your best to find them when you and Daryl heard a very soft cry coming from one of the tents.

There you found Oscar, a baby just a few months old, begging for attention, possibly starving. His mother was chained up not far from him and it was evident that she had not long ago been transformed. You didn't even hesitate, Daryl gave his mother rest and then took little Oscar in his arms, he was wrapped in a blanket with that name embroidered on it, so you decided to leave that name for the baby. When you returned to the community there was a small commotion when you saw the baby in your arms, many questions plastered on the faces and eyes of your companions.

"You were supposed to go for gifts for the children, where did you get that one?" Princess asked for the others.

You explained to them what had happened at the mall and no one doubted that you had done the sensible thing. On the other hand, the idea of adopting Oscar didn't cross your mind at first, in fact your idea was to leave him at the Commonwealth, surely someone would take care of him, but Daryl didn't think so.

"We kept it. We found him."

"Daryl, it's a baby, it's not a toy. You can't just… claim him..."

"And what yer gonna do, leave him here for someone to raffle off." He snorted and you opened your mouth but then closed it. If you thought about it...

"I'm just trying to find him a family."

"We could be his family!" He barked and you looked at him with wide eyes.

"We?"

"In Alexandria, I meant... all of us, in the community... you..." mumbled looked visibly nervous. You knew there was something struggling to get out but his mouth refused to spit it out.

"Fine, we'll take him with us to Alexandria, but you can't force me to have a baby, Daryl." You tried to make him understand. "Much less if I have to take care of it by myself."

Again you saw that gesture in him, like chewing his lip as his eyes searched for a spot to look other than you, the ideas building up in his head, but his mouth still didn't want to speak.

"You know Daryl. If you have something to say to me, say it, it's not good to keep things to yourself." You provoked him to speak, but he just turns and walks away. "I thought so..." You growled.

As Rick arrived with the others, even Carol with Ezekiel from The Kingdom, you had to explain again how you had found Oscar, earning you some funny looks from your friends, but you wanted to ignore them, however, in your mind Daryl's words followed, maybe you should take Oscar to Alexandria, he will be safe there too, after all there will be other mothers there who can help you if you had doubts, plus other children he could make friends with. Maybe you should listen to Daryl. During the day you took care of Oscar, taking care of him, bringing out your maternal instinct. It's not that you don't like children, you loved taking care of Judith and RJ, but you never thought you would become a mother. That day with Oscar in your arms, you ended up making the decision that you would be his mother and that he would come back to Alexandria with you. 

Daryl got to you before you got to him. At the ball, after getting everything ready, the archer appeared through the party room, walking straight towards you.

"Daryl listen..."

"I wanna have a baby with ya." Your words got stuck in your throat. "Ya asked me if I wanted to have a baby, yes, if it's with ya." You were unable to speak, Daryl was breathing heavily, his nose swelling, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Saying all that was complicated for him, it was clear he'd had an intense argument with himself. "You said you didn't think you could have babies and suddenly Oscar has shown up...it's...I dunno..." He was stunned, he simply couldn't get his thoughts together and it was overwhelming him.

"Is that what you want? It would be a commitment... very long term, Daryl, it's..."

"Yer my girl, ain't ya? A commitment..."

"I'm your girl?" your heart raced violently at those words.

"Ya wanna a ring or somethin’?" he asked leaving you speechless once again.

The sparkle on your finger captures your attention, pulling you back out of the memories. You didn't need a ring for Daryl to make it clear how he felt, his words had already done that, but still the archer showed up with a ring that symbolized a little more of how he felt.

"You're such a romantic, Dixon." You laughed with him accepting the gift.

"We were already friends. The sex is fine. All that was missing was the baby." He told you and you laughed.

"Mom?" You hear in the hallway, putting you both on alert.

"Shall I go?" asks Daryl who is already sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Please, I'll be right there and fix some breakfast."

"Okay." He leans over giving you a kiss. "Coming, champ."

"Daddy!" replies Oscar with an excited shout.

You sit on the bed for a few more seconds, enjoying just that, the feeling that is enveloping you, in the distance, you hear Daryl's voice and Oscar's laughter enjoying his father's attentions. You close your eyes feeling goose bumps, your heart racing. How everything has changed with a few simple words.

"I can try…”

[naughtyneganjdm]

Good Luck Charm - Chapter 30

Summary: Negan has to make some big decisions after Rick attacked The Sanctuary and it comes at a price.

Characters: Negan, Y/N/reader (OC), Evie, Nathan, Arat, etc.

Warnings: Swearing, Severe Angst, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39423063/chapters/142966156

Notes: I'm trying really hard to finish this story, life has just been so busy. This is an emotionally taxing chapter where Negan snaps in not the best of ways. This story probably has a few more chapters left. I'm sorry for all the angst that this story draws up. It's a lot.

Being trapped inside of that small trailer with Gabriel was hell. It was burning hot which left Negan soaking with sweat. The conditions and the situation were working hard to drive him mad. Pretending to be someone else in front of Gabriel was wearing him down. In the moment, he knew that he needed to be Negan, the leader of The Sanctuary. Not Negan, father. The last thing he needed was Rick and the others knowing that he had children. So he avoided talking about them. Y/N was right in the past when she told him that people could use his children against him. And he wished he would have listened to her. Maybe if he did, they would both be at the farm together with the children instead of what happened to her and him being stuck inside of this fucking trailer. Even though he had gotten shot in the leg, there was no worse pain in the world than that of worrying about his children wondering if they were okay. It was hard not giving everything away to Gabriel. With Gabriel poking at him in attempts to get him to open up, it was only making his fears heightened.  

Gabriel worked hard to break him down and it started to work. More than anything Negan needed to get out of there. Every moment in that trailer was the deepest realms of hell for Negan. Especially after everything that he went through. Things started to get so much heavier for him when Gabriel got him to break about Lucille. He knew that if Gabriel continued to work on him, it would only be a matter of time before he started talking about Nathan and Evie. So that’s when he came up with his plan to get the fuck out of there. It was a one in a million chance that his idea would actually work, but it did. It surprised him because it went better than he could have ever imagined.

He could have been scared, but all he thought about was his children and how he had to get back to them. It would have gone a whole lot better if Gabriel wouldn’t have fucked up, but they still managed to get back to The Sanctuary. And in good time too because it seemed like everyone was about to lose their shit. Thankfully none of the walkers had gotten into the building, but the people were losing it without him. They needed to see him to know that there was someone there willing to protect them. After he made his presence known, Negan immediately stripped out of his jacket and ran up the stairs.

His heart was racing. A pounding sensation was felt in his head when he didn’t wait to push the door open. The door slammed against the wall with Negan running into the room to see that Evie had Nathan sitting on the floor with her by the table keeping him safe.

As soon as Negan saw Evie and Nathan, his eyes swelled up with tears. Scrambling down to his knees, Negan held out his hands and immediately reached for Evie who eagerly jumped into his arms. Burying her head against the side of his neck, Negan tried to hush her when she started crying. While he was gone, it was obvious that she had to be the brave big sister but as soon as Negan returned she could finally put down her walls and get emotional with him.

“It’s okay baby girl, daddy isn’t going to let anything happen to you. I promise,” Negan assured her, turning his head enough to pepper kisses over the side of her face. Extending out his other arm, Negan curled it around Nathan to bring him close so he could hug the both of them as tight as possible. Right now Negan knew that he was super sweaty. Undoubtedly he smelled terrible. And he knew he needed a shower. But he was taking this moment with his children. “Daddy is here.”

“I didn’t know what to do when we started hearing the gunshots going off, so I brought him over here away from the windows,” Evie informed Negan, when she leaned back. Brushing his palm in over the side of her face, Negan collected her tears with a sweep of his thumb. “I didn’t know what to do and when people said you were missing…I thought about how mom was gone and we’d have no one…”

“I’m here,” Negan hushed Evie with a shake of his head, his jaw flexing when he tried to get her to focus on him. “All three of us are safe right now. Okay? Daddy and his friends are gonna find a way to fix this whole thing. I’m gonna make sure that all of us are safe, okay?”

“How?” Evie’s breathing was loud, her sobs breaking up her voice as she spoke. “You had no idea that was going to happen and I thought…I thought you were dead.”

“No, I would never leave you. I promise,” Negan assured her with a frown doing his best to keep her from worrying about things.

“Mom said the same thing,” Evie reminded Negan and that one hit him hard. Pulling both of his children in as close as possible, he peppered them with kisses knowing that she was right. He could make all the promises in the world, but it didn’t mean that something wouldn’t happen.  

After spending some time helping Evie to calm down, Negan moved them into another room where they would feel safer with other children while he had his meetings to try to figure out what the hell to do about the walkers that were outside. What felt like hours later, Negan went back to his bedroom and let out a long huff when he fell back against the bed. He knew that he should have grabbed the children to bring them back with him but he needed a few minutes to himself. His leg was killing him from where Rick shot him and he was exhausted. Having to put up this front all the time was so hard for him. He wondered how much longer he could keep up with this act.  

“Well, this is going well I think,” Negan felt the sensation of the bed dipping beside him and he turned his head, opening his eyes to see that Y/N was lying next to him on the bed. There was something in the way that she was looking at him that made him feel small. “If you would have just listened to me and went to the farm this wouldn’t be happening right now.”

“I don’t need an I told you so,” Negan announced to himself, dropping his head back and forcing his eyes closed. “I need some rest. So whatever you are, please leave me the fuck alone.”

“You know I’m right Negan,” her voice echoed through his mind and he bit down on his bottom lip. At this point, he didn’t know what was the right or wrong thing. He thought staying here and using The Saviors to look for her was the best option. Now, he didn’t know what the fuck to do. Turning away from her, Negan cuddled the pillow in closer to his head and she let out a long sigh. “You’re failing as a leader and a father Negan. What are you even doing?”

Instead of responding, Negan covered his head with the pillow and tried to block out his thoughts and whatever the hell was going on with this vision of Y/N that he kept seeing. Eventually he was able to fall asleep which he assumed was from the exhaustion and the pain. Who knows how long he fell asleep by the time he rolled over onto his other side.  

“Jesus,” Negan cussed out when he opened his eyes to see that Y/N was still lying beside him with her eyes locked on his. Reaching up, he rubbed at his face letting out a frustrated sound when he fluttered his eyelashes and saw that she was still there. “I’m going fucking insane.”

“Is that what this is?” Y/N spoke up, her eyebrows bouncing up in amusement with a smirk tugging at her lips.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Negan rolled onto his back letting out a frustrated sound when she lifted up to sit beside him and stare down at him. “Am I not already suffering enough?”

“What do you think I’m doing Negan?” she pushed, her hand placing in over the center of his chest and he swore that he could almost feel her touching him.

“I don’t know. Maybe your ghost came back to haunt me for all the shit I did,” Negan reasoned with her, closing his eyes when he felt the warmth of her touch against the side of his face. “Or maybe it’s my brain creating some vision of you to help me cope with the fact that you are fucking gone.”

“Coping? You call this coping? I don’t think this is helping you,” she half laughed and he turned his head to stare out at her with his tired hazel eyes. Shaking her head, she let out a long sigh and laid back down beside him. “In order for you to cope, seeing me should make you feel better.”

“So are you a ghost then?” Negan wondered, his eyebrows tensing up when she looked to him with an entertained expression. “If you’re a ghost, you should just tell me where your body is so I can put you to rest.”

“If only it were that easy,” she retorted looking up at the ceiling, letting out a disappointed sound. “It’s not like I like being here you know. Being stuck inside of your head. It’s a fucked up place and it’s doing a number to my self-esteem. Not like it was good to begin with, but so many unanswered questions are being answered and it’s…a lot.”

“What do you mean?” Negan grumbled under his breath, tipping his head to the side. Her face scrunched up and he could see that she actually looked upset.

“Just seeing things from a new perspective, your perspective really showed me what my worth was,” she turned on her side to reach out and stroke her fingers in over the side of his face before stopping at his temple to tap on it. “Learning the things you never truly told me.”

There was a silence between them with Negan tipping his head to the side, “Oh come on Negan. Now that I’m dead I can actually see things as they are. Like the real reason you didn’t want to marry me at the courts. I actually bought your bullshit when you told me that you wanted to give me the perfect wedding.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Negan pushed up into a seated position, the confusion flooding his eyes when she shrugged. It felt like an accusation and it made him uncomfortable.

“Listen, the more time I spend in that head of yours, the more the truth continues to come out and I wish I wasn’t learning it, but here we are,” she threw her hands up in the air causing Negan’s heart to start pounding inside of his chest. “Back when I was pregnant with Evie, I didn’t understand why you didn’t want to get married to me. More than anything I wanted to be married before we had Evie, but not you. You sold this whole fairytale wedding and romance, but the truth was…the closer you got to marrying me, the more you began to panic because the person you always wanted to marry was Lucille. That’s why you kept pushing things off. Not because you wanted to give me the perfect wedding, but because you knew I wasn’t the person that you wanted to marry. Lucille was.”

“That’s bullshit,” Negan snapped, his jaw flexing in frustration. With a tip of her head, Y/N bit down on her bottom lip and her eyes narrowed. “It was exactly what I said it was. You never had a pampered life and I wanted to be able to give you something nice for our wedding. I thought having our little girl with us would make our wedding perfect.”

“So you never once thought about how you would rather be marrying Lucille instead of me?” she whispered and Negan immediately went to respond, but then he stopped to let out a long exhale of a breath. “That’s what I thought.”

“You’re acting like people don’t question the what ifs. Just like you were mentioning the last day we spent together,” Negan countered with a shake of his head. “Of course I thought about how in the past I thought I was going to be married to Lucille. It’s something that anyone would have thought about. But that doesn’t mean that I pushed back on marrying you because I didn’t want to marry you. Regardless of what you think you know, I did love my life. After you got pregnant with Evie, I never thought I would even think about Lucille.”

“Until you saw Lucille again,” Y/N finished for him with Negan scoffing in response. “Come on Negan. You can’t lie to me. The two of us are linked. I’m part of you. So anything that happened? Any thoughts that you had, I’ve seen them. I know the truth,” she insisted waving her hand about in the air before snapping her fingers together. “I know that on the second night we were together after the bar, you were still so fucking hooked on Lucille that you got me on my knees. You fucked me from behind just so you could think about Lucille.”

“Listen…” Negan found himself stumbling over his words when she headed over toward the window to look outside. “You’re acting like our whole relationship I didn’t love you and I did. Yeah, I did some fucked up things and had some questionable thoughts but…”

“I’m sorry Negan, but after knowing things I have a really hard time believing you,” Y/N commented with a long sigh, bracing her hand on the wall beside the window. “How about the day you agreed to meet Lucille for coffee after you saw her at the doctor’s appointment? Do you remember what you did?”

Turning on her heel, Y/N folded her arms in front of her chest expectantly waiting for him to respond, “Don’t remember? I’ll try to help you remember. That day before you even saw her, you went to the corner store and bought condoms. No matter what you were planning on trying to get her to have sex with you before you even saw her again.”

“I…” Negan breathed out, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat when his eyes grew wide.

“Don’t lie,” she half laughed with Negan looking down and away from her. These were things that he hadn’t even thought about in such a long time. “You don’t think I can tell that you are trying to come up with a lie in that brain of yours. I’m part of you Negan! I know exactly what you are thinking.”

“This was always our biggest problem. We couldn’t see beyond our past,” Negan curled his fingers around the edge of the bed, his whole body tensing when she brought forth the memories of the things he had done when he was younger. “You were always so obsessed with me leaving you.”

“Oh, right. Because someone should just get over their fiancé cheating on them when they were four months pregnant with their daughter. With the woman that dumped him and wanted nothing to do with him,” she mocked Negan who lifted his head, his hazel eyes staring out at her with the dampness behind them. “Don’t pull this crying shit on me now Negan. You took advantage of me from day one. You never loved me.”

“Stop,” Negan begged, dropping his head when she stepped forward toward the bed. “That’s not true. And if you were inside of my head and knew how I was truly feeling you would know how fucking wrong that statement is.”

“Even now, I’m not even sure this is you upset as much as it is you feel guilty,” she spoke up, lowering down to kneel before Negan while her eyes searched Negan’s. Anger seemed to be growing inside of him when she slowly rose back up. Taking a seat on the bed, she reached out to pat him on the knee and sighed. “I was always your fallback Negan. I was just your baby maker and you know that as much as I do. Well, at least with Evie I was. We both remember how you reacted when I told you that I was pregnant with Nathan.”

“Why are you doing this to me?” Negan whimpered, his voice broken when he looked over at her beside him. “Don’t you already think I’m suffering enough?”

“Do you think you are anywhere near suffering the amounts that I did for over fifteen years?” she snapped at Negan noticing the way that his eyes were tearing over and a single tear slid down the side of his face. It had her eyes rolling and she stood up from the bed again. “All the pain I suffered in the name of you. I was destined for so much more. I was supposed to be something. Instead I became a no one. You ruined my life.”

“I saved your life,” Negan yelled, standing up from the bed shocking her when she turned to face him. “If it weren’t for me you were likely going to end up dead because of that guy that I saved you from that night. If anything, I was always your fucking savior. If I didn’t turn around that night and I minded my business, you would have been raped by that guy. And in his drunken rage he would have likely panicked afterwards. If I never entered your life, if I didn’t save you that night, you would have died. And you know I’m right.”

“Wow. So I guess you just prolonged my life fifteen years then, huh?” she pushed her hands into her pockets, an impressed expression flooding into her features. “Fair play Negan. I guess after that it only makes sense that I dedicated the next fifteen plus years of my life being miserable because of that. Instead of doing what I wanted with life, I ended up just being fucking sad all the time.”

“Not everything was miserable,” Negan reasoned with her, the warmth of his tears sliding down his face. He didn’t know why he was letting this hurt him as much as it was, but it was doing a number on him. “You loved me. I made you happy. Four years we were happy together.”

“But then you had to go fuck your ex that dumped you. Leaving me alone to myself at eight months pregnant with your baby growing inside of me. You took everything from me including the fucking dog,” she fought back with him, the rage visible in her eyes. “You even worked so hard to make our daughter fall in love with you. You made her love you more and you turned her against me.”

“I didn’t,” Negan denied the idea, brushing his fingers through his hair in a strained motion leaving him resting his head at the center of his palm.

“Then why did you take credit for everything good I did for our daughter?” she inquired letting out a frustrated breath. “Come on Negan. It’s almost like you deny all the shitty things that you did to me. We would be here for days if we actually went over everything you did to me.”

“I know I was bad,” Negan admitted, his bottom lip trembling as he shook his head. “I made so many mistakes.”

“And now our children are stuck with the worst parent,” she pointed out, heading back over toward the other side of the room to pick up the stuffed animal that belonged to Nathan. “Two children that at the end of Lucille’s life, you didn’t even give a fuck about. Yet now I’m supposed to believe that you care about our children.”

“Don’t start,” Negan asserted, dropping back against the bed and staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t need to hear from you how I don’t love my children.”

“Do you remember when I got you out of jail? You know, when you got me to use my abusive rapist boyfriend to get you out,” her words were like daggers when Negan bit down firmly on his bottom lip. “You had a conversation with Lucille. Where you told her that she was the most important thing in your life when she mentioned both her and Evie. And then she had to correct you to include Evie. Even your own daughter meant nothing to you back then. And now she’s stuck with you when the better parent is dead.”

“The real Y/N wouldn’t say this shit to me,” Negan reasoned with himself trying to knock himself out of this moment. Sitting up on the bed, he shook his head and knew this had to be a form of punishment he was giving himself.

“Trust me, being inside your fucking head hasn’t been all that good for me either,” she defended herself hearing Negan scoff in return.

“Then maybe don’t go searching for the worst of me inside of there to only prove your victim complex,” Negan snarled, his eyebrows bouncing up when she let out an amused breath. “What do you want me to say? That I was a piece of shit? Yes. I was a piece of shit. We both know I was. I did horrible things. I said awful things. But pretending that I never gave a shit about you? It’s fucking bullshit.”

“I wonder what our second child would have been like. Do you think we would have had a boy or a girl?” she blurt out with him staring out at her with the misery in his eyes. Without answering, she let out a hesitant laugh when she dragged her tongue across her bottom lip. “You cared for a whole two minutes about the child we lost, but since you were the cause of the miscarriage I couldn’t imagine you allowing yourself to take the blame for it.”

“I didn’t cause the miscarriage,” Negan refused, his fists clenching at his sides when he let out a whimpering breath.

“What did Negan? It couldn’t possibly be all the stress and upset that you caused me after I bought you the house of your dreams. All the mental abuse that I took from you. The anguish I felt after once again giving you everything you ever wanted and then being dumped again,” she stressed each word having Negan taking in a long breath. “Did you ever think about how you knocked me on the ground when I was pregnant? Between the stress and the fall…you never once thought about how that could have caused us to lose our second child? Or did you just not give a fuck because it was in the past and our second child didn’t matter to you?”

“Stop,” Negan demanded, covering his ears when he felt the stress of all of this falling in over him.

“You can’t take this Negan?” she moved up to tug at his arms to get him to lower them seeing both the anger and misery flooding his features. “I give you everything. Every part of me and you could never do the same for me! You finally promise me what I’ve wanted for fifteen years and I end up dead? How fucking fair is that?”

“It’s not fair at all,” Negan agreed, his body trembling with the more anger that grew in her voice. “It should have been me. Not you.”

“You don’t believe that. Nor do you even care,” she accused him, drawing a cry to fall from his parted lips. “You wouldn’t take my place. You don’t give a shit about me at all. I asked you of one thing and you haven’t even done what I’ve asked of you!”

“Because I’m still looking for you!” Negan screamed back causing her to let out an amused breath. “It’s not fair what you’re saying. I loved you. I always loved you. Yes, I took advantage at certain parts of your life and there isn’t a day I don’t regret the fucking things I did. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, but I don’t know why you are saying the things that you are! I would never hurt my children. I would never want you dead! Why are you saying these things?”

“Why am I saying these things?” she repeated his words with a shake of her head, a disgusted breath escaping her. “Because I’m you Negan. It’s you thinking these things. It’s you that feels everything I’ve said. If you want this to stop, then make it stop!”

“I’m trying!” Negan screamed back, throwing his hands up in the air with frustration. “I have to be Negan, the leader of the fucking Sanctuary and Negan, father to two children at the same time. Right now I have a horde of walkers outside this fucking place and I’m trying to keep us all fucking alive. The last thing I need right now is this bullshit!”  

“Boss?” a voice called out and Negan let out a shuddering breath turning his head to see that Arat was standing in the doorway. “You okay?”

Nodding his head, Negan reached to rub at his eyes with the back of his hand, “Who are you talking to?”

“No one,” Negan looked to where Y/N was standing previously noticing that nothing was there. Maybe he really was going insane. There were no other explanations at this point. He lost so much already that losing Y/N really did drive him insane. Arat was looking at him with curiosity and worry, but Negan acted like nothing happened. “What do you want Arat?”

“You’re needed,” she informed him, stepping back toward the door. “They told me to come and grab you.”

Asking for a minute, Negan took a seat on the edge of the bed and buried his head in his hands. He needed a moment of silence to calm down. He had gotten emotional having a fight with his vision of Y/N. Seeing her broke him down piece by piece. It was torturing him. Or was he torturing himself? Fuck. He had no idea. All he knew is that he had to pretend to be the Negan people had grown accustomed to. Pretend. That’s what he had to do. So that’s what he did.

----

The silence was deafening while Negan laid at the center of his bed. Sleep wasn’t going to happen at this point. Hell, after everything he had been through there was nothing that was going to stop his mind from overthinking. So much had happened between the attack Rick and the others had on The Sanctuary to now. Attacking Alexandria, killing Simon, finding out Dwight was rogue, his fight with Rick, having Jadis kidnap him, hearing that Rick lost Carl…a lot of things haunted his mind lately.

Right now it was Carl. Thinking about how Rick lost his child had Negan thinking about his broken promise that he had given Y/N. That he would leave this place and take the kids to the farm. With the idea that Rick had lost his son, it made him think how he could potentially lose his children or they could lose him. That alone should have had him running to the farm. Yet, here he was. Still at The Sanctuary. Unfortunately, with everything happening with the war with Rick, Negan hadn’t got to spend much time with the children. He’d be lying if he said otherwise. And that was something the vision of Y/N he was having never let him forget. At this point, he had learned to block her out some, but she was still showing up frequently.

It felt like he still had so much he had to accomplish here before he could ever consider taking off with the children. Rick would never rest until he got his hands on him and Negan knew that. That’s why he had to deal with Rick first. Then, he would be able to maybe move on with the children. Even though something about that whole thing felt wrong. Especially since this place relied on him so heavily.

Turning his head, Negan looked to the alarm clock beside his bed. It wasn’t even eight in the morning yet and he just wanted to be able to relax before he went off today to continue the war with Rick. Last night he had really said his goodbyes to Evie and Nathan knowing that he wouldn’t be able to handle seeing them today. Today needed to be all about the war with Rick. If his children got involved, he knew that it would only complicate things for the day. What he needed was a clear mind and with everything that he was so focused on, he was the furthest thing from it.

There was no forcing sleep out of him this morning. He was too anxious with too many thoughts lingering and it just made sense for him to get up early and work.

“You should just grab the kids and go,” Y/N’s voice beckoned him making Negan drop back on the bed and sigh. Closing his eyes, he tried to tell himself that she wasn’t there and he shook his head. “This whole ignoring me thing is great, but I know you hear me.”

“If you knew the man that Rick was, you would know that running would never make him stop. He’d find me,” Negan finally spoke up, reaching up to rub at his eyes knowing that there was tension inside of him. Clearing his throat, Negan tensed up when he spoke up again. “Plus, I’ve been thinking about the whole going back to the farm thing and I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Excuse me?” she blurt out, turning on her heel to face him. “You promised me.”

“I did, but I felt pressured and I didn’t consider what I was saying,” Negan countered with a shake of his head. “After everything I’ve done here, I think it would be stupid for me to give it up. I worked so hard to get what I have here. Simon is gone. Dwight is no good. There is no one here that could step up and truly take care of things the way that I can.”

“Wow,” she rolled her eyes, her face turning a light shade of red. “That’s just like you. Making a promise and falling through. Just like you always did.”

“You’re not going to make me feel bad,” Negan informed her, biting down on his bottom lip knowing that he had felt so much guilt since she had gotten hurt. “I’ve blamed myself enough. It’s time to move on because I know what you are now.”

“Oh! Is that so? I’m glad you do,” she snickered, moving around to the bottom of the bed to take a seat on it. “Because I’m still trying to figure it out.”

“I’m mentally ill,” Negan announced finally lowering his hands to see her staring down at him. “Losing Y/N finally made me snap. And she used to be my voice of reason. I no longer have that, so my brain created you. You’re the part of my conscience that is trying to convince me to do what she would tell me to do.”

“That sounds complicated,” she mocked, her face twisting with amusement as Negan glared out at her. “I thought I was a ghost haunting you.”

“There is that possibility,” Negan scoffed adjusting his position to get more comfortable on the bed. “But I doubt it. Y/N would never talk to me the way you have. But me? I would torture myself like this. So you have to be a part deep inside of my brain that can’t handle the regret of what happened.”

“No one strokes your ego as much as you do Negan,” she pointed out, folding her arms in front of her chest before sighing loudly and moving for the window. “So you’re really going through with this whole war thing and leaving our children here with strangers. What happens if you don’t come back?”

“That won’t happen,” Negan was quick to respond hearing her grunt. “It won’t.”

Before he could get any kind of response from Y/N, the sound of his door being pushed open was heard. It started a fire inside of him and he was ready to tell off whoever it was since he requested time alone before the day. Turning his head to the side, he saw that it was Evie standing there and he huffed.

“Evie?” Negan frowned wishing at this point that it would have been someone else. “You should be with your nanny right now. Daddy needs some time to himself before he leaves today.”

“We need to talk,” her young voice announced causing Negan’s Adam’s apple to bounce in his throat. Dropping his head back, Negan heard the sound of the door closing and her approaching the bed before sitting down. He already said goodbye to them last night and her coming in here only made things complicated. “I think we should just leave. I’ve heard the way people are talking. They don’t think I hear, but I do.”

“What do you mean?” Negan grumbled under his breath, pushing up on his hands getting himself into a seated position.

“I mean, I know what’s happening. Instead of doing what you’re doing the three of us should just leave together,” Evie suggested with a simple shrug, playing with her hands in a nervous moment afraid of how he would respond. “You’re not happy here. It’s a weird place for kids. Maybe we should go home. The farm is a good place for children to grow up. We can play outside. Spend more time with you. Just the three of us. You don’t need to make this place safer for us because I don’t think we should be here.”

Hearing a little girl talking like her almost didn’t feel real. Sometimes by the way she talked, Negan forgot that she was actually as young as she was.

“This is our home Evie,” Negan explained, his throat tightening up. It reminded him very much of her mother when she said what she did and he shook his head. “I thought about going back to the farm with the two of you, but daddy worked too hard here to really do that. All the work I put in…”

“But we never see you. We’re being raised by strangers here,” Evie countered and it had Negan releasing an overwhelmed breath. That was really the last thing he needed to hear right now. For a long time he thought about the two options. Staying here or going there. Here there was a guarantee of safety. They had supplies. There, things could fall through. They weren’t as protected. That’s why he made the decision to stay here for now. Having her come in here to suggest otherwise wasn’t helping.

“I spend all my extra time with the two of you,” Negan stated with tension in his tone, shrugging his shoulders when Evie frowned. Right now he felt like he barely slept with how much he was working.

“What extra time?” she replied back, refusing to look him in the eye at this point. Sure, he had been very focused on things with Rick lately, but he had to force himself to focus on this or it could go entirely awful for them. “You’re always too busy here. We barely see you. If we go to the farm, it will just be the three of us. We can work on us again. Finally be a real family.”

“Maybe you should listen to her Negan,” Y/N’s voice was heard making Negan lift his head up to see that she was still standing by the window staring outside. “Rick already lost a child. You don’t want to be next.”

“We are a real family Evie,” Negan shook his head, hating that she was even thinking like that. Lowering his head, Negan tried to block out the sound of Y/N and pinched at the bridge of his nose, “Evie, you need to go back with your nanny. I can’t do this right now.”

“Maybe we can go back to the farm and have it be the way it used to be,” Evie suggested, the tone of her voice making her sound younger with the lack of confidence she had with saying it. “Before all of this happened we were really close. I was your best friend. We always wanted to be together. If the three of us leave, we can be happy. We can spend all of our time together. It will be like when I was younger. We can be happy like before.”

Hearing how unhappy everyone was at The Sanctuary really frustrated Negan. There was so much going on and he knew how he felt at The Sanctuary. Sure, it was stressful, but he knew how he felt when the world didn’t go to shit. When things were ‘normal’, they were hard. He was stressed all the time and it felt like Evie didn’t exactly understand how hard the normal life truly was.

“Do you know why it was so easy back then with us Evie?” Negan grumbled under his breath, lifting his head to see the curiosity in her hazel eyes. “It was easy because you left every two weeks. I had a break for two weeks. Then you were with me for two weeks. That’s why our relationship worked out so well.”

There was a silence between the two of them with Evie’s face twisting in confusion. Biting down on his bottom lip, Negan could sense that she was thinking deeply about what he said and he cleared his throat.

“I don’t…” Evie shook her head, her features showing that the way he said things weren’t adding up for her. “This just isn’t the life that I want daddy. If we go to the farm, maybe things can go back to the way they were…”

“Things will never go back to the way they were Evie,” there was venom in Negan’s voice when he spoke, his brow line growing fiercer when he stood up from the bed to pace. “Nothing we do will ever take us back to the way things used to be. Part of what made the past any good was Lucille and your mother. Now they’re both dead,” Negan was blunt causing Evie to let out a hurt exhale. It was the first time he really put it out on the table for Evie. They never straight out said that Y/N was dead, but here he was just making it clear what he thought. “And do you really think this is what I wanted? Do you think I wanted to be a single father? Alone. With two children?”

“Yes?” she spoke faintly, unsure of her answer. It drew a laugh from Negan’s throat and he rolled his eyes. After he reacted that way, Evie pulled herself closer to the edge of the bed. Even though she acted older, there were still times she didn’t understand things like an adult would. “You always said you wanted to be a dad.”

“A single dad Evie,” Negan stressed what he said, throwing his hand up in the air and waving it about. “It means being alone with no one else to help me.”

“We had a great time together when we were alone when I was younger. I remember the two of us always having fun,” she reminded him of their past together when Negan went over to the couch to sit on the arm of it. Grasping tightly to the material, Negan huffed loudly and was biting back on what he really wanted to say. “I think if we go to the farm, it will be good for us. You can be the old you again. And we can be happy together. We can be a family. I have nothing but good memories from before. It will be like being near mom again and…”

“I wasn’t happy Evie,” Negan admitted with a rumble, his throat tensing up when he looked down toward the ground. “I hated my life before all of this happened. I was pathetic. I was a nobody. No one respected me. I wasn’t strong. I didn’t have people wanting to follow me. I was a loser. But now? I’ve made something of myself. I’m strong. People look up to me. I feel good about myself being here.”

“You were never a nobody to me,” Evie reasoned with him, her nose wrinkling in frustration much like his did. “You were my hero. You were my everything.”

Instead of speaking, Negan just nodded his head and bit down on his bottom lip. There was a war going on inside of him. The one that wanted to erupt with that idea that he was wrong with being where he was. The other that was emotional over the idea of his past.

“I miss you. I miss the old you,” Evie whimpered, standing up from the bed and moving over toward Negan to reach out for his hand to grab a hold of it. Squeezing it tightly in hers, Negan noticed how little her hands still were and he let out a tremoring breath. “You’re just confused here. You were always so happy when I was younger. Smiling. Laughing. This isn’t like you. I don’t come first here. Neither does Nathan. I always came first with the old you.”

“Tread lightly Negan,” Y/N warned from where she was standing by the window, leaning her arm against the wall with Negan’s body tensing up.

“I chose Lucille over you,” Negan muttered under his breath, a muscle in his jaw clenching when he lifted his teary eyes toward Evie. Shrugging his shoulders, Negan shook his head and released a long breath of air. “How could you think that I was happy when I left you and your mother? I wanted a life with Lucille. Not with you.”

Evie’s hand dropped at her side when she stared out at Negan with sadness in her young features, “You are talking about a man you didn’t even know. You were too little to understand how miserable I actually was.”

“I…” Evie paused, tears burning at her eyes from the initial shock of what Negan had said to her.

“I was perfectly fine before you and your mother showed up back here,” Negan whispered forcing himself to look down at the ground. “I dealt with losing you two. I got over it and then the two of you show back up in my life and now I’m fucking miserable. So how do you think taking me away from the one place that makes me feel good to be stuck with just you and your little brother is gonna make me happy?”

“I don’t…I don’t understand. Are you saying that you wish you never found me again?” Evie finally spoke up, her bottom lip quivering when Negan tipped his head to the side and looked her over. Truthfully? He didn’t know how to answer that. If he would have never found them, Y/N might still be alive and he wouldn’t feel so broken inside. Sure, he had bad dreams before he found them, but he was so much happier before his family showed up here at The Sanctuary. Finding them again brought him nothing but pain. So instead of answering, he stayed silent which had her letting out a whimper. “But I’m your daughter. You’re supposed to love me. Saying things like that makes it sound like you don’t love me.”

Standing up from the couch, Negan headed over toward the window and scoffed, “I swear you sound more and more like the worst parts of your mother the older you get. Accusing me of not loving you. You both only hear what you wanna hear instead of what I’m actually saying.”

“You’re just sad since mommy disappeared,” Evie tried to reason with why her father was acting like he was. “You’re saying things and doing things you don’t mean. You loved her so much and losing her has hurt you. It’s hurt me.”

A shallow, broken sound fell from Negan’s parted lips with his eyes slamming shut as Evie continued to try to reason with the things he was saying, “Mommy told me that when you abandoned me you were just sad that Lucille was sick and you weren’t thinking clearly. I think that’s what is happening right now. You’re just sad about mommy because you loved her so much and she was the love of your life.”

Hearing that had Negan cringing, his head lowering and he pressed it against the glass of the window, “Your mommy was always good with lying to you when it came to me. She never wanted you to see the real me,” Negan confessed looking over his shoulder at Evie who stared out at him with sadness flooding her young features. “Your mom was happy with the life that you are talking about. It was never me. Your mom always told you what you wanted to hear. What you needed to hear. She was never really honest with you. She should have been.”

 “You think mom was happy?” Evie inquired, the tone of her voice changing when she thought about what he was saying. “Mommy was always sad when I was younger and I never understood it. But I think I get it now.”

“Oh?” Negan’s eyebrow arched, his body hot with frustration that all this was happening.

“She was sad because of you,” Evie noted which had Negan tensing up hearing that being repeated. With his vision of Y/N in his head, he was always hearing how he was at fault for her sadness and he was sick of hearing it. “She loved you so much and you always hurt her. Just like you’re hurting me right now. It’s like you have to hurt the people who love you the most. Why?”  

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Negan corrected Evie seeing that she was crying. Her hands were curled up into fists at her sides and he felt his heart pounding inside of his chest. “Your mother was always head over heels in love with me. Nothing made your mother happier than me.”

“Nothing hurt her more than you,” Evie followed back drawing his lips to part and he let out a tremoring breath. “All those years I thought mommy kept me from you. I thought you wanted to get back to me. I thought it was her that tore us apart. But it was you. It was always you. Wasn’t it? You never wanted me to begin with.”

“Stop it,” Negan warned, the vein at the side of his neck bulging. “I was the one that wanted you. I was the one that begged your mother to have you. If anything, it was your mother that never wanted you. You telling me that I never wanted you is fucking crazy,” Negan snarled hearing the surprised breath fall from her. “I wanted to have you more than anything, but I fell back in love with Lucille right before you were born. Your mother couldn’t handle that. Your mother wanted her job, more than she wanted you.”

“So now you’re saying that mommy didn’t want me either?” Evie refused to believe what she was hearing.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Negan stressed, his anger and frustrations finally erupting from deep within him. “I know for a fact that if your mommy could have done everything over again, she would have never allowed herself to get pregnant with you. You weren’t part of the life that your mommy wanted. I was the one that wanted to have you. Part of me feels like your mother only wanted equal rights with you originally because she was hung up on me. Getting you two weeks out of the month meant that she was still going to see me because she was so goddamn obsessed with me.”

“Why are you acting like this?” Evie challenged not being able to comprehend everything that he was throwing at her. She was mature for her age, but everything Negan was saying was not something a ten-year-old was going to get. “Maybe she didn’t want me at first, but I know mommy loved me. She always put me first. Did you?”

“Fuck,” Negan rolled his eyes and dragged his hand down over the front of his face. “What’s with the sudden change of heart about your mother Evie? You fucking hated her up until she died. She died thinking that you didn’t love her and really you didn’t. You never did. I was the one you liked. I was the one you wanted to be with. You could care less what happened to her. You were jealous of her getting my attention too. You’re probably happy that she’s fucking gone.”  

“I am not!” Evie fought back, her whole body shaking while the two of them argued. “I loved mommy.”

“Be honest for once Evie. I loved your mother more than you did,” Negan vowed, placing his hand in over the center of his chest. “You broke your mother’s heart. You treated your mother awful. You made it clear to her in every way possible that you loved me more than you ever loved her. So why are you fighting so goddamn hard for a woman that you hated? I might be upsetting you now and you may say I’m bad, but at least I can say that I loved your mother. What about you? You wouldn’t even tell your mother that you loved her. I had to force you to say it. So you want to sit here and talk to me like you are? Go ahead. But I know you’re full of shit.”

“Back down Negan,” Y/N’s voice echoed at the back of his mind drawing his eyes to close tightly after he released an offended breath. “She’s trying to understand all of this. Give her a break.”

“Then I guess we both hurt her,” Evie acknowledged with a frown reaching up to try to rub at her face with the back of her hand. “I guess I’m more like you than I thought.”

An irritated laugh fell from Negan’s throat when he began to pace back and forth, tugging at his hair. Covering his ears, Negan tried to pull himself from his anger, but he could feel it boiling up deep inside of him.  

“You were such a good daddy when I was little. No one had a better daddy than I did,” she cried, tears sliding down her young face when she stepped back and away from him. “I thought I was the luckiest little girl in the world, but now? I don’t know who you are. I’ve been the one taking care of you since mommy has been gone. It should be the other way around. You’re a bad dad. You’re mean. You don’t love me. Not one bit. All you want to do is yell at me and hurt me. I want the old you back.”

“Negan,” Y/N’s voice spoke again in a tone as if trying to get him to hold it in knowing that he had a bad habit of saying something worse when someone hurt him. “Calm down. Think things over before you open your…”

“You’re such an ungrateful shit,” Negan snarled at Evie getting a shocked expression to spread out over her features. “You have no idea what I’ve done for you. What I’ve given up. What I’ve fucking gone through for you.”

Evie’s lips parted, but she was shell shocked with what he called her and no words were forming, “You think you’re still my sweet little Evie? You’re not. You see the Evie that I remember was the sweetest little girl. She was silly. She was outgoing. She was loving. She didn’t have this vicious side lingering inside of her. All you are now is this spiteful, jealous little girl with a wicked mouth. How could I ever love you the way I did then when you act like this?”

“And there is the old Negan that I know so well,” Y/N sighed loudly after the broken breathing of their daughter filled the air and Evie started sobbing.

“I never said I didn’t love you,” Evie declared with a cry, her body frozen before him with her sobs filling the room. “I love you so much. I just want my old daddy back.”

“And I want my old Evie back, but neither one of us are gonna get what we want. Are we?” Negan turned on his heel, shakily brushing his fingers through his dark hair causing her to let out a tremoring breath.

“I said I love you,” she repeated what she had said waiting for Negan to respond but he didn’t. “I’m sorry,” she apologized, not sure of how to fix what was happening. “I said I’m sorry,” she spoke up again, but Negan ignored her once more. “I’m half of you, you know?”

“None of the good parts,” Negan stated with a frown, folding his arms in front of his chest when he turned to look at her again. “In fact I think you are the worst of both me and your mother,” Negan breathed out with a simple shrug of his shoulders. “But you know what? You were right with what you said earlier. I shouldn’t have told you that I wished I didn’t find you and your mother again. That was wrong. Because in all of this? I’ve gotten to know Nathan. He’s made all of this bullshit worth it. He’s the child I want.”

“Man you go right for the jugular, don’t you?” Y/N huffed from behind Negan after something changed completely in Evie’s face. It was obvious that Evie thought Nathan was his favorite and after what he said, it was incredibly clear that was how he actually felt. Evie’s head lowered, her sobs growing louder than before. “You’re right. You are mentally ill right now because the Negan I know would have never said the things to his daughter that you are saying right now. He always wanted to hide the darkest parts of himself from his daughter because nothing meant more to him than Evie. She just wanted you to assure her that you loved her. Christ, you can’t control yourself when someone upset you, can you? She’s ten years old Negan.”

Hearing that echoing in his head, there was an ache at the center of Negan’s chest when he realized the mistake he made in just letting lose on all the things that were eating him up inside. Noticing how hard Evie was crying, Negan felt an overwhelming sense of guilt eating away at him and he dropped down to his knees.

“Evie,” Negan tried to reach out for her, but she wouldn’t allow him to touch her. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said all of that. Losing your mother just really upset me and I’m not okay. I haven’t been okay in a very long time. I’m going through a lot right now and…I didn’t mean to say those things. I swear.”

“Yes, you did,” she covered her face trying to hide her tears from him. It took a while before she was able to pull her hands away from her face and seeing her destroyed him. “Maybe after today you’ll have what you want and you’ll never have to see me again.”

“That’s not what I want,” Negan shook his head, his thick eyebrows furrowing trying to reach out to comfort her, but she slid out from underneath his hand to run to the bathroom. Slamming the door shut made Negan exhale loudly. Stumbling to his feet, Negan headed for the door and tried to turn the knob, but it was locked. “Evie, come on. Please unlock the door.”

“I wouldn’t unlock the door for you either,” Y/N called out from where she was standing near the window. Groaning out, Negan’s forehead dropped against the door while his hand slid down the lengths of the wood. “Can we go over the checklist of everything you just said to her? Let’s see, you two were only close in the past because you only had to have her two weeks out of the month. She made you miserable and you weren’t happy when she was little. She’s the worst of the two of us. She’s jealous and miserable. Oh, and Nathan is your favorite.”

“Please stop,” Negan stammered wishing whatever this was with Y/N would just go away at this point. Digging it in didn’t help anything. It was his way of begging this version of her to stop egging him on. “Evie. Please. I love you too. I do.”

“You don’t,” Negan managed to hear her whimper on the other side of the door and he slid down onto the floor. Placing his hand over the door, he let out a loud sigh and wished he could have a rewind with this whole situation. “Just go away.”

“Evie, please,” Negan begged of her trying to turn the knob a few more times, but all that he got in response was hearing the muffled sounds of her sobbing behind the door.

“Boss,” a savior beckoned him from behind. “It’s time to talk to everyone. We’re all packed and ready.”

“It’s time to make a choice Negan,” Y/N encouraged him, her eyes locked on him when he turned his head toward her. “Do you pick Negan? Or do you pick your daughter?”

Lowering his head, Negan’s eyes squeezed shut, “I have no choice. Rick wants me dead. He will find me. No matter the choice I make. This has to happen or there is no future with me and my children.”

“Huh?” the savior responded, confused with what Negan was saying. Looking around the room, the savior tried to comprehend what Negan just said out loud, but he didn’t think he heard Negan correctly. “What was that?”

“Nothing,” Negan lied, standing up from the floor pressing his body weight against the door. Sliding his hands against the wood, he hit it slightly and sighed. “We’ll talk about this when I come back later Evie. I promise you we will sit together and talk it out,” Negan began, his chest aching when he heard the impatient breath of the savior behind him. Looking over his shoulder, Negan pointed at the door and bit at his bottom lip. “Please have someone come and wait for Evie. When she decides to come out, I’m gonna need her to be taken back with her little brother so that they are both safe while I’m gone.”

“You’re making the wrong choice again,” Y/N called out to Negan when he headed for the door and stopped in the doorway. “You just broke her heart. Walking away will prove her worth in your life. This is your chance to try to do the right thing. Don’t fuck it up Negan. Choose your family. Talk to her now. Get her out of that bathroom and then take her home. Give her the life that she deserves. Make her the main priority Negan.”

Standing there for a moment longer, Negan lowered his head and walked out of the bedroom knowing that this was something that he felt had to be done. If they were truly going to live in peace, he would have to bring Rick down. Or he would never have a chance to have a normal life with his children. No matter how much that part of him wanted him to stay. Deep down he felt this was the right way to handle things.

----

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[positivelybeastly]

Wow, there’s a lot you wouldn’t know bc of your absence, I guess! I’m sure Simon’s doing his best to get you up to speed, but that would be an incredibly difficult task for any one person. Stop me if you’ve heard any of this before.

Mystique and Destiny are these very old ladies who are getting married. They’re mutant terrorists, in general, but the X-Men work with them a lot. They’re actually Nightcrawler’s parents (also Rogue’s). Mystique also has sons with Wolverine, the professor (they were married for a while as well), and sabretooth (wolverine’s evil cat guy). She was also married to Deadpool, the guy who stole all of Simon’s stuff, I think? Regardless, if you meet any blue people, they’re probably related to Mystique, not you.

Speaking of villains, Magneto’s waffled a lot on whether he’s good or evil, whether he wants to be a good dad or not, etc. At the moment, he’s a good guy and dedicated father to Wanda and Lorna (he actually IS Lorna’s dad after all) but he hates Pietro (unclear why). Wanda and Vision had twins. There’s other things there but trust me, all you really need to know is that they’re adults now. Oh and one is gay married to the king of space. Vision had several additional children but sadly only one is currently living. Hank Pym also had/found several children, one with Greer.

Carol Danvers is doing pretty well for herself, she got her own Rick Jones. Rick Jones got married and then Moondragon stole his wife. A lot of your other New Defenders comrades aren’t really doing much right now but are okay, as far as I’m aware. Tony Stark married Emma Frost, (former villain who Cyclops cheated on Jean with; she was also one of your closest friends for several years).

Jean and Scott (Jean came back. Also forgave the cheating. She’s technically dead right now but you really don’t need to worry I swear she’ll be fine) have multiple children, including baby Nathan (maybe you met him…?) who is both an older adult and a teenager/young adult simultaneously, and a different adult son named Nate you probably don’t need to worry about.

Unfortunately, Candy Southern passed away. Warren is pretty sad. Not about that specifically, just in general these days. Alex is in a relationship with Scott’s ex Maddie, who currently rules over a hell dimension. Bobby’s gay.

". . . Put me back in the pod. Put me back in the pod, PUT ME BACK IN THE POD, PUT ME BACK IN THE - "

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Hello! I just saw that you are taking requests for Sam Drake now and I got one! Sam and Reader are roommates (maybe with two other people living there with them) and are kind of like besties. Both of them have a crush on each other but are too scared to admit anything.. until one evening where they are drunk and are playing truth or dare!

If the request is too boring I totally understand, no pressure in writing it 😅 thank you 💕

I am so excited about this fic! I hope you love it, thank you so much for requesting!!! Feel free to come back anytime! <333

[blueikeproductions]

-JD and Dan return home in Dan’s VW bug, carrying in groceries.-

Dan: We’re home!

JD: Hold yer applause~!

-Both boys see the parents getting stuff packed-

JD: -PTSD triggers and almost drops the bags- Oh god, you’re not moving are you?

Roland: Oh! Hey boys, no, no, we’re packing for a family reunion we got invited to down in St. Louis.

Dan’s mom: Yeah, my sister Karen and her husband Gil are throwing a big bash during spring break, and it’s always fun to see the extended family after so long!

JD: Oh. -clears throat- Of course. -He and Dan set the groceries in the kitchen- Uh well, you crazy kids have a good time then! I’ll hold down the fort, keep it from burning down. I’ll call up Veronica, maybe watch Kurt and Ram get plastered and tip cows for a cheap laugh.

Dan’s mom: What do you mean, Jason? You’re coming too.

JD: -stunned blink- …Beg pardon?

Dan’s mom: Why wouldn’t you?

JD: Oh. I..It’s not that I don’t want to, I… You… We’re… not related. -looks uncomfortable and a little sad-

Dan’s mom: Oh don’t be a silly goose, Jason, you’re part of this family too! You’re just as much my son as Daniel and Liam are!

JD: -comically teary eyed- …I am?

Dan: -unpacking the groceries- You didn’t think you were?

JD: -wipes his eyes- I’ve always been treated as “Guest” or “Other” with Bud, Danny-boy, so it’s… nice to be reminded otherwise… -sniffs- Plus I haven’t been in St. Louie since I was 12, I remember liking it there, until Bud blew up the wrong contractor’s shopping district and we had to skip town…

Roland: Yeesh, well at least it’ll be a refreshing change of pace this time for you.

JD: Anything I should know about the extended family? Dan: Yeah. Don’t call/compare Uncle Nathan to Rick Moranis, he HATES that. He looks just like him though, so it’s still kinda funny in a cosmic way. Oh! And don’t lend Uncle Larry ANY money. Liam gave Larry a button, and now he’s on the hook for 4 thousand dollars.

JD: How the fuck’s a baby owe 4 grand…?

Dan: -shrugs-

[cynsualc829]

Today on WPUR-DB PULSE INT'L RADIO. The Smooth Jazz Kitchen Radioshow "Grooving Smoothly." Kick back and enjoy some of the world's most popular smooth jazz musicians' great music. Chef Bruce Buege has created a scrumptious musical menu to please your listening appetite. So, tune in with the Chef and be delighted starting at 7 pm EST, 6 pm CST, 4 pm PST, and 11 pm UK time. The Listening Experience.

Bon Appétit 🍽

🇺🇸 🇬🇧 🇩🇪 🇮🇹 🇬🇷 🇸🇩 🇿🇦 🇨🇦 🇧🇶

𝐖𝐏𝐔𝐑 - 𝐏𝐔𝐋𝐒𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓'𝐋 𝐑𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐎

www.pulseintlradio.com

𝐋𝐚𝐑𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐨𝐅𝐌

https://laradiofm.com/Station-816

#thesmoothjazzkitchen #smoothjazz #contemporaryjazz #delicousmusic #menu #GoodMusicGoodVibes #goodmusiconly #international #TheListeningExperience

The Smooth Jazz Kitchen with Bruce Buege - Grooving Smoothly

00:00 Carl Cox - Breakin Away

00:05 Al DeGregoris - Bayou

00:09 ThreeStyle - Living In This House

00:12 Will Downing - Early Years

00:16 Keiko Matsui - Steps On The Globe

00:21 The Braxton Brothers - When You Touch Me

00:26 Jazz Holdouts - Piermont Nights

00:30 Andre Ward - Streets Of Gold

00:34 Donald Harrison feat Sharon Bryant & James D Train Williams - Close The Door

00:40 Charles Langford - For Ellyse

00:45 Mark Carter - Walk The Walk

00:49 Euge Groove - Sneak A Peek

00:54 Earl Klugh - One Night (Alone With You)

01:00 Lindsey Webster - I Found You

01:04 Kirk Whalum feat Rick Braun - Love, Love, Love

01:08 Riley Richard - Grooving Smoothly

01:12 Nathan Mitchell feat Marcus Anderson - 100% Cotton

01:18 Jonathan Butler - Do You Love Me

01:22 Dave Koz - Wrapped Up In Your Smile

01:27 Greg Manning - Elegant Lady

01:31 East West Connection - Surgical Spirit

01:37 Shaun LaBelle - Feel The Breeze

01:43 Bobby Lyle feat Howard Hewett - Caught Up

01:48 Eric Darius - Groove On

01:52 Vel Lewis - Maybe So

[themovieblogonline]

Steven Spielberg's Saving Private Ryan turns 25!

Back in the late 90s, everyone was finally realizing that they could have an incredible home entertainment set-up with surround sound. A similar moment happened with my own family. My Dad showed off this new advancement in audio technology with the D-Day Omaha beach landing sequence in Saving Private Ryan. The sounds of bullets and explosions flying all around me left me traumatized. That sequence can’t possibly compare to what it's like actually being there. It's an immersive, combat-filled scene with a realistic style that is probably still concerning viewers about joining the army. D-Day took place on June 6th, 1944. This was a historic moment that saw Allied forces going head-first into Nazi-occupied France. As troops landed on Omaha beach they were greeted by relentless gunfire from hidden German forces. Many Allied forces perished before they even stepped foot on that beach. Those who actually made it to the beach soon found that cover from enemy fire was very minimal.  In this movie, as in life, it really can be game over if you get hit by a bullet. https://youtu.be/9CiW_DgxCnQ?si=PwyA3PsZp3_Sn3JF Saving Private Ryan is all about the journey. After surviving the D-Day landing, Captain John Miller (Tom Hanks) goes in search of Private Ryan (Matt Damon). His mission is to find Private Ryan and deliver the news about his deceased brothers. The film explores the grim realities of war. Captain John Miller and his team are trying to make sense of the violence and chaos that surrounds them. It’s an emotional and savage journey for these heavily tested soldiers. Another great moment that brings that dangerous element home is when Private Mellish (Adam Goldberg) has to have a knife fight with a Waffen SS Soldier. The scene hits like a ton of bricks! It feels way more personal than people firing guns at each other from a distance. In another timeline, maybe these enemies could be friends, but here they are, fighting for their lives. It's intimate. It’s tragic. Saving Private Ryan captures that gut-wrenching, terrifying feeling time and time and time again. One final thing that really stands out is the cast as it’s simply incredible. Heading to the front lines you’ve got: Tom Hanks, Matt Damon, Vin Diesel, Jeremy Davies, Paul Giamatti, Nathan Fillion, Bryan Cranston, Barry Pepper, Tom Sizemore. Some of these actors weren’t quite as famous as they are now. If you decide to re-visit, you’ll be like the Leonardo DiCaprio meme from Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood where his character Rick Dalton points at the TV pointing at celebrities! The ensemble is led under the guidance of director Steven Spielberg, and This feature barely scratches the surface of Saving Private Ryan - I mean, how crazy is that sniper scene with Jackson for example? - So, what do you remember the most from watching the movie for the first time, and which sequence stands out to you the most? Read the full article

[screenviolense]

current relation/ship tags (alphabetized kinda)

✦ ALBERT & AMELIA        *    me and mrs. jones we got a thing going on

✦ ANAIS & MAHANON        *    you and i are not the polite people who live in poems

✦ ANN & RYUJI        *    and why mess up a good thing baby?

✦ ANN & REN        *    change me at all cost; starlight and star crossed

✦ ANYA & ANDI        *    i walked with you once upon a dream

✦ ANYA & CLAUDE        *    are you thinking of me when you’re with somebody else?

✦ ANYA & LASLOW        *    i walked with you once upon a dream

✦ ARRI & CULLEN        *    you put your hand in mine and pulled me back from things divine

✦ AUSTIN & SPENCER        *    i never did believe in the ways of magic but i'm beginning to wonder why

✦ BARBARA & DICK        *    does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes?

✦ BECKETT & CASTLE        *    stop and stare: i think i'm moving but i go nowhere

✦ BENEDICT & SOPHIE        *    in her heart she longed for this man; dreamed of a life that could never be

✦ BILLY & TRAVIS        *    i dream most every night that i never left you

✦ THE BOSS & JOHNNY        *    it's always been just him and me together

✦ CAMILA & JOSE        *    i'd suffer hell if you'd tell me what you'd do to me tonight

✦ CAROLINE & RICK        *    we’re gonna die and maybe it’s gonna be alone

✦ CASSIE & NATHAN        *    treasure hunting runs in the family

✦ CAT & VINCENT        *    do you know what loneliness does to a man?

✦ CHERCHE & GAIUS        *    every lover’s got a little dagger in their hand

✦ CHERCHE & GEROME        *    i pray you'll be my eyes and watch him where he goes

✦ CHERCHE & LON’QU        *    where does one touch a deadly swordsman who does not want to be touched?

✦ CINDY & ZIGGY        *    i won’t let anything pull us apart again

✦ ELENA & NATHAN        *    we were strangers starting out on a journey

✦ GARCIA & HOTCHNER        *    be still my bespectacled heart

✦ GARCIA & LUKE        *    maybe there was a slight chink in your fluffy armor

✦ GUSTAV & JACQUELYN        *    i’m sorry i had nothing to say that night

✦ IMPERATOR & NIHIL        *    you'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you

✦ IVY & DIAMANT        *    he told me that i’d never fight another battle alone

✦ IVY & ALEAR        *    if i was born as a blackthorn tree i'd wanna be felled by you; held by you

✦ JEAN & DILUC        *    is this the place we used to love? is this the place that i've been dreaming of?

✦ JEAN & KAEYA        *    meet me at our spot. they can't find us there

✦ JOYCE & HOPPER        *    watchin' in slow motion as you turn my way and say take my breath away

✦ JULIET & LASSIE        *    i’ll be going to get my partner now

✦ JULIET & SHAWN        *    since i met you i've been thinking about getting a car

✦ JULES & SILAS        *    do you really see no ghosts in me at all?

✦ KATE & ANTHONY        *    you are the bane of my existence and the object of all my desires

✦ KINSEY & AARON        *    everything's growing in our garden. you don't have to know that it's haunted

✦ KINSEY & DC        *    i never did believe in miracles but i've a feeling it's time to try

✦ KINSEY & FLOYD        *    you left a note in your perfect script: stay as long as you want. and i haven't left your bed since

✦ KINSEY & JOEL        *    you can close your eyes; it’s alright

✦ KINSEY & KEITH * trouble’s always gonna find you baby; but so will i

✦ KINSEY & LUKE        *    damn i wish i was your lover

✦ KINSEY & TERZO        *    don't look too deep into those angel eyes

✦ LAURA & MAX        *    can we go home now?

✦ LAURA & TRAVIS        *    you think this is over? this isn’t over

✦ LEIA & FLOYD        *    i read the graffiti in the bathroom stall

✦ LEIA & HAN        *    captain; being held by you isn’t quite enough to get me excited

✦ LIZA & JASON        *    i hope you die. i hope we both die

✦ LOIS & CLARK        *    here i am like a kid out of school. holding hands with a god

✦ MARIAN & ANDERS        *    everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed

✦ MILLIE & JOHN        *    our whole lives have been wasted just staring across the church

✦ MILLIE & ROSAL        *    she lit a fire and now she’s in my every thought

✦ MORTIE & KEATS        *    you don't hear me saying anything crazy about their weird little relationship!

✦ MOXXI & JACK        *    but i'm already someone else's baby

✦ NANA & HAURCHEFANT        *    i would rather break the world than lose you

✦ PENNY & ALEX        *    woke up in a safe house singing let’s get married

✦ PENNY & HALEY        *    go ahead let your hair down

✦ RACHEL & CHRISSY        *    is that your ghost or are you really there?

✦ REBECCA & JEROME        *    for if i am not their shepherd then i must be the wolf

✦ ROBIN & CHROM        *    you are the wind at my back and the sword at my side

✦ ROSEMARY & JACK        *    and at least in this lifetime we're sticking together

✦ RUTHERFORD FAMILY        *    to be cut off from one’s family is its own very special sort of loneliness

✦ SARAH & DEACON        *    but i’ll walk beside you love. anywhere the wind blows

✦ SASHA & TIM        *    as if i am alive only because i remember you

✦ SASHA & JON        *    did you fall for the same empty answers again?

✦ SNOW & BIGBY        *    you are the moon that breaks the night for which i have to howl

✦ SOPHIE & HOWL        *    i know how to help you now. find me in the future

✦ TAYLOR & LESLIE        *    i knew you were the one

✦ UME & JACKIE        *    NC ain’t a city that lets you get by without buddies

✦ VELVET & TERZO        *    you're free to leave me but just don't deceive me

✦ VERONICA & TRAVIS        *    but i never lost this feeling or this pounding in my chest

✦ ZATANNA & JOHN        *    no grave can hold my body down; i’ll come home to her

[wheatley-imagine-scenarios]

Idk if you're taking hc suggestions, if you're not that's completely fine!! Jus scroll past this one. BUT if you are! I've got some inspiration.

I've been doing a whole heck of a lot of travelling this week and I was thinking about Wheats. How about some airport/airplane (or just travelling in general) hcs of Wheatley? Other characters encouraged, he was just the star of the show in my head lol.

Yes, I take headcanon suggestions! The portal 2 crew traveling together would be very chaotic and awesome :)

Wheatley

"Are you forgetting anything?"

"I don't believe so"

But he probably is

Also usually forgets to take something out of his pockets at airport security

And panics before realizing its just some change or something

The flight itself would be fine if GLaDOS would stop telling him terrible things and fake statistics about plane crashes

Normally sits in the middle seat

Likes to see different parts of the world

Human things are interesting, after all

Not great at talking to people, though, so there’s limits to where he can go alone without embarrassing himself

Sticks with Chell, since she’s the one he’s most comfortable around

And because they’re dating

Loves going into little shops to get souvenirs, or getting photos to keep

Goes full dad friend on vacations

Virgil

The one who checks in on everyone to make sure they aren't forgetting anything

Mostly Wheatley

The mom friend

Worried about being late, so makes sure they show up an hour or two earlier than necessary

"Pluto hasn't even gotten dressed yet, this is terrible" "We have plenty of time-" "Do you w a n t to miss our flight?"

This paranoia and anxiety fades once they get on their plane

From there, he keeps Wheatley's fear at bay by making GLaDOS shut the fuck up

Has the window seat next to Wheatley because after becoming human and seeing the sky, he takes every chance he gets to admire it

Chell

Has the aisle seat by Virgil and Wheats, so she can get up whenever she wants without struggle, and if Wheatley gets anxious/claustrophobic and needs to stand up, she can let him out quickly.

Is tired of everyone else's shit, as usual

Is the one to find Wheatley's things that he forgets

"I'm all packed-" "Toothbrush?" "Right, toothbrush. Thanks"

Honestly deserves this vacation

By the end of the vacation, she’s about ready to ‘forget’ Rick and get on the plane home without him

GLaDOS

Filling Wheatley's mind with flight anxiety

Sits in the aisle seat behind the other three because she doesn't want to be crowded

Is a responsible adult who remembers her own shit

But doesn't help Wheatley with his

In fact, goes out of her way to do the opposite

Chell: "You have everything now?" Wheatley: "Yep" GLaDOS: "I think I saw your brush in the bathroom just now" Wheatley: "What, I thought I packed that-" *goes to check the bathroom*

It was, in fact, already packed

GLaDOS was just being a bitch

Rick

Will forget things like snacks

Will not forget any clothing or accessories

Sits by the window in GLaDOS' aisle

Annoys and jokingly makes fun of Virgil and Wheatley from behind

Chell can't reach him, but she will give him a death glare if she decides he's gone too far

Then he'll reluctantly shut up and sit back

I don’t like Rick, idk if you can tell-

He’ll often separate from the group to find his own kind of adventure, only for the others to have to find him and tell him that “no, you can’t hop the fence of an animal enclosure” and “no, you will not win the fight. The fucking rhino will”

Pluto

Sits in the middle, behind Wheatley

Talks to him and those next to eirself about how excited he is to be on vacation, and all they're gonna do

The child, basically

Can still see through the window

Rick moves out of the way when Pluto wants to look out

He's usually pretty good with remembering eir stuff, but is slow at getting ready

Despite moving fast, he's much too distracted by his own thoughts to actually get things done quickly

Nathan

Responsible adult #2

Gets his shit done, keeps everyone else on track

Or at least, he tries to

Sits in the aisle seat across from GLaDOS' row

Reads a book during the flight

At their destination, he likes doing tours and learning about the place's history

Nigel

Sits in the middle of Nathan's row

Sometimes asks him about the book he's reading

But mostly talks to Rain, since Nathan doesn't want to be bothered

On the trip itself, he sticks with Nate a lot

He finds learning new things interesting

Nate doesn't mind, and actually enjoys having someone to share information with

Likes any type of art exhibit/museum type thing

Rain

Has the window seat by Nigel

Likes taking the scenic routes once they get there

And anything nature themed

Or artsy, it's something he and Nigel have in common

Tags along with whoever will take him tbh

Listen, all we got for him is one line and all the obvious stuff I got from that was “Rick but gay” and I am not doing him like that

Full offense to Rick

[possumsoul]

Reaching- Ch 1

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12857642/1/

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12857642/1/

Only the precinct would call her at this time, whatever that time may be. "Beckett."

"Is this Kate Beckett?" A female voice, other than the usual one from dispatch says on the other end.

Her spine tingles a bit at the unfamiliar voice. She pushes herself upright, pulling the covers off her shoulders. "Yes. Who is this?"

"Ms. Beckett, I'm calling from Brattleboro Memorial Hospital concerning-"

"Wait, Brattleboro?" She asks the lady, cutting her off. "Like... Brattleboro, Vermont?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'm calling because you're listed as the emergency contact for a Richard Castle."

[hannahhook7744]

My descendants fancast redone part 1;

Charisma Star as Jordan, daughter of the Genie.

Jennifer Veal as Ally Liddell, daughter of Alice Liddell in Wonderland.

Joey bragg as Pin, son of Pinocchio.

Paris Berelc as Ariana Rose, granddaughter of Queen Leah. Niece of Aurora and Philip.

Matt Dillon as Clay Clayton, son of William Clayton.

Christian Slater as Rick Ratcliffe, son of Governor John Ratcliffe.

Coco Jones as Opal, daughter of Mama Odie (sans the honey blonde hair since honey blonde hair is hard to give).

Emily Tosta as Tiger Peony, daughter of Tiger Lily.

River Phoniex as Artie Pendragon, son of King Arthur Pendragon.

Halsey as Mad Maddy, granddaughter of Madam Mim.

Jessica Barden as Arabella, niece of Ariel and Eric (edit made by me, design inspired by @panthera-tigris-venenata ).

Joey King as Carina Potts, daughter of Mrs. Potts.

Dylan O'Brien as Bobby Hood, son of Robin Hood and Maid Marian.

Jiang Xin as Yi-Min, daughter of Yao (and maybe Mei).

Stella Walker and Maya Hawke as Jane Darling, daughter of Wendy Darling.

Jacob Tremblay and Daniel Sharman as Daniel "Danny" Darling, son of Wendy Darling.

Michael and Travis Vossler, Lindsey Lohan, James and Oliver Phillips, and Kai and Bodhi Schulz as the Tweedledum and Tweedledum cousins (I named them Nathan, Nelson, Natalie, Nadie, Flex, Felix, Fisher, and Fletcher in that exact order). The Tweedle twins' kids.

Saffron Henderson, Sarah Hyland, Lauren Alaina, Ruby Rose, and Ariel Winter as Madam Mim's other granddaughters (I named them Wacky Wrenley, Loony Lilias, Insane Imogen, Crazed Clara, and Batty Blair in that order).

Karen Gillian, Trevor Stines, Rupert Grint, Jamie Kennedy, and Amybeth McNutty as the Stabbington cousins (I named them Darlina/Grenny, Iggy/Cheekbones, Rex/Nosey, Cormac/Brunet, and Tega/braids in that order). They are the stabbington Brothers' kids.

Charlie and Max Carver as Gaston Junior and Gaston the 3rd, the twin sons of Gaston.

Alejandra Alonso as Yzla and David Henrie as Zevon, daughter and son of Yzma.

Kaya Scodelario as Harriet Hook and Sabrina Carpetener, daughters of Captain James Hook.

Holland Roden as Claudine Frollo, daughter of Claude Frollo.

Lucy Hale as Ginny Gothel, daughter of Mother Gothel.

Jake Abel as Sammy Smee, son of First Mate Smee.

Lauryn McClain as Freddie Facilier, daughter of Dr Facilier.

Alyson Hannigan as Eliza, Fairy Godmother's niece.

Dane Dehaan as James Brown Jr./Jim Jr. , son of Jim Dear and Darling.

Brec Marie Bassinger as Ruby Fitzherbert, daughter of Eugene Fitzherbert and Rapunzal.

Raffey Cassidy as Melody, daughter of Ariel and Eric.

Dejan Loyola as Aziz, son of Aladdin and Jasmine.

Tanner Stine as Herkie, son of Hercules and Megara.

Ross Butler as Li Shang Jr., son of Fa Mulan and Li Shang.

Jessica Rothe as Scarlet, daughter of an unspecified royal.

Edit: Jim Dear and Darling have a daughter in the live action version. So here she is her fancast.

McKenzie Jefferson as Lulu Brown, daughter of Jim Dear and Darling.

Also I forgot about the live action movie when I made Aziz. Sooooo..... sorry... which disney descendant do you want to see next?

[dalekofchaos]

American Doctor Who fancast

If Doctor Who were American or had an American multiverse, these are the actors I came up with for The Doctors and The Masters

Inspired by this old Buzzfeed article and my own curiosity 

Before we get onto the fancast, I’d like to suggest what could be the American equivalent to The TARDIS Phone Box as a perception filter. What I think could be the American version is A dilapidated, blue garden shed with white trim, with maybe a weather vane on top that spins around. Double doors, a few frosted windows. Like so 

Art source

The Doctor

Vincent Price as The First Doctor

Dick Van Dyke as The Second Doctor

Christopher Lloyd as The Third Doctor

Gene Wilder as The Fourth Doctor

Mark Hamill as The Fifth Doctor

Rick Moranis as The Sixth Doctor

Sam Neil as The Valeyard

Robin Williams as The Seventh Doctor

Bruce Campbell as The Eighth Doctor

Harrison Ford as The War Doctor

Matthew Lillard as The Ninth Doctor

Keanu Reeves as The Tenth Doctor

Matthew Gray Gubler as The Eleventh Doctor

Bryan Cranston as The Twelfth Doctor

Tatiana Maslany as The Thirteenth Doctor

Donald Glover as The Fourteenth Doctor

Viola Davis as The Fugitive Doctor

The Master

Donald Pleasance as Delgado!Master

Roddy McDowell as Crispy Master

Leonard Nimoy as Ainley!Master

Gary Oldman as Roberts!Master

Kevin Michael Richardson as Macqueen!Master

Ian McKellen as Jacobi!Master

James Marsters as SImm!Master

Kathryn Hahn as Missy

Sendhil Ramamurthy as Dhawan!Master

Carrie Fisher as The Rani

Ian Holm as Davros

Frank Welker as the Daleks

Keith David as the Cybermen

Danny DeVito as Sontarans

Jack Nicholson as Omega

Orson Welles as Rassilon

Donald Sutherland as Time War Rassilon

Adam West as Ian Chesterton

Mary Tyler Moore as Barbara Wright

Sally Field as Susan Foreman

George Segal as Steven Taylor

Marlo Thomas as Vicki

Annette Funicello as Dodo Chaplet

Robert Reed as Ben Jackson

Thordis Brandt as Polly

Malcolm McDowell as Jamie McCrimmon

Sissy Spacek as Victoria Waterfield

Dawn Wells as Zoe Herriot

DeForest Kelley as Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart

Stella Stevens as Liz Shaw

Susan Sullivan as Jo Grant

Margot Kidder as Sarah Jane Smith

Gary Lockwood as SGT John Benton

Chad Everett as Captain Mike Yates

Michael Douglas as Harry Sullivan

Michelle Pfeiffer as Leela

Sigourney Weaver as Romana I

Jessica Lange as Romana II

Michael J. Fox as Adric

Jodie Foster as Nyssa

Karen Allen as Tegan Jovanka

Ron Howard as Vislor Turlough

Meg Ryan as Peri Brown

Molly Ringwald as Melanie Bush

Heather Langenkamp as Dorothy "Ace' McShane

Sandra Bullock as Dr. Grace Holloway

Kristen Bell as Rose Tyler

Donald Faison as Mickey Smith

Enrico Colantoni as Pete Tyler

Jennifer Coolidge as Jackie Tyler

Nathan Fillion as Captain Jack Harkness

Tessa Thompson as Martha Jones

Lady Gaga as Astrid Peth

Gillian Jacobs as Donna Noble

Alona Tal as Jenny

Jon Hamm as Jackson Lake

Rosario Dawson as Rosita Farisi

Cobie Smulders as Lady Christina

Gates McFadden as Adelaide Brooke

Christopher Lloyd as Wilfred Mott

Emma Stone as Amy Pond

Dylan O'Brien as Rory Williams

Gillian Anderson as River Song

Ruth Negga as Mels

Keira Knightly as Idris

Jason Segel as Craig Owens

Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Clara Oswald

Ashley Johnson as Petronella Osgood

Rachel Weisz as Madame Vastra

Kristen Stewart as Jenny Flint

Dave Bautista as Strax

Michael Mando as Danny Pink

Chloe Grace Mortez as Ashildr

Josh Gad as Nardole

Zazie Beetz as Bill Potts

Maya Hawke as Heather

Neil Flynn as Graham O'Brien

Octavia Spencer as Grace O’Brien

Jessie T. Usher as Ryan Sinclair

Priyanka Chopra  as Yasmin Khan

Bill Hader as Dan Lewis

Michael B. Jordan as Vinder

Kelly Marie Tran as Bel

Laura Dern as Kate Stewart

Quei Tann as Rose Noble

Emma Myers as Ruby Sunday

[ofmdarchive]

Our Flag Means Death-Video Inteviews- As of June 25, 2022

'Our Flag Means Death' Stars Talk Pirate Facial Hair & Sword Fighting | Entertainment Weekly

The Cast Of Our Flag Means Death Answer Uncommon Questions | HBO Max

Matthew Maher, Nathan Foad & Samba Schutte Interview: Our Flag Means Death- Screen Rant

Taika Waititi and More ‘Our Flag Means Death’ Cast and Creators on Fashioning Pirate Humor-Rotten Tomatoes

Samson Kayo & Vico Ortiz Exclusive Interview - OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH (2022)

Taika Waititi on Creating Our Flag Means Death | HBO Max

Our Flag Means Death Samson Kayo and Vico Ortiz Talk About Relationship Between Jim and Oluwande

Our Flag Means Death’ Star Rhys Darby On Teaming Up With Taika Waititi-Today Show

Our Flag Means Death with Rhys Darby, David Jenkins, and Garrett Basch.-Creative Company

Leslie Jones Plays a Pirate with 19 Husbands in Our Flag Means Death

The Military Asked Rhys Darby to Unenlist and Go to College- Late Night with Seth Meyers

Taika Waititi & Rhys Darby Take Lie Detector Tests | Vanity Fair

Taika Waititi ('Our Flag Means Death'): 'Maybe the whole thing was a practical joke on me'- Gold Derby

Join The Cast on the Wacky Adventure of 'Our Flag Means Death' Black Girl Nerds

Rhys Darby & David Jenkins Interview: Our Flag Means Death

Our Flag Means Death: Rhys Darby & David Jenkins Discuss Bringing the Gentleman Pirate to Life- CBR Presents

OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH Exclusive Interview - Matthew Maher, Nathan Foad, and Samba Schutte (2022)

Rhys Darby Discusses Our Flag Means Death & New Zealand Outback Steakhouse- Barstool

Taika Waititi Answers the Web’s Most Searched Questions | WIRED

TIME100 Summit 2022 - Taika Waititi

Rhys Darby on Playing a Gentleman Pirate in ‘Our Flag Means Death’

Our Flag Means Death’: Everything You Need To Know

Vico Ortiz ('Our Flag Means Death'): 'Just back at home swashbuckling my heart away'

Our Flag Means Death's Matthew Maher Nathan Foad, and Samba Schutte Talk About Who Should Be Captain

Why Rhys Darby Will Say Yes To Anything With Taika Waititi

Say Ahoy To Rhys Darby | New York Live TV

Vico Ortiz and Samson Kayo reveal on-set fun from OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH

OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH (2022) | The cast of HBO Max's latest comedy with Rick Hong

[80s4life]

Character/Movie List

Below is movies and TV shows I like personally and are lsited as a reference. If you don't see something you're interested in, it is not that I don't like it, it is because I most likely forgot it because I love so many movies/shows tbh. Just ask, and I'll answer! And, from the Rules and Regulations page, what I had meant by "mostly" is that I can dabble outside of the acting world and into actors/actresses themselves and/or singers, popstars, etc.

{Another side-note, I am not so much into shows, but mostly movies! Although, there are some exceptions that I love beyond belief!}

MOVIES

Back to the Future Series:

Biff Tannen

Griff Tannen (Maybe, he wasn't the best of the Tannen's imo)

Buford Tannen

Marty McFly

George McFly

Doc Brown

Lorraine Baines

Match

Titanic:

Rose DeWitt Bukater

Jack Dawson

Caledon Hockley

Brock Lovett

Rabrizio De Rossi

Thomas "Tommy" Ryan

Karate Kid Series {1/2/3}:

1-

John Kreese

Mr. Miyagi

Johnny Lawrence

Daniel LaRusso

Tommy

Dutch

Bobby Brown (not so much; don't know him too well)

Ali Mills

Lucille LaRusso

2-

Chozen

Kumiko

3-

Terry Silver (duh lmao)

Mike Barnes (also duh)

Jessica Andrews

Stand By Me:

Vern Tessio

Billy Tessio

Gordie LaChance

Chris Chambers

Eyeball Chambers

Ace Merrill

Teddy Duchamp

Goonies:

Brand

Mikey

Chunk

Mouth

Data

Andy

Stef

Jake Fratelli (he was kinda hot ngl)

Ferris Bueller's Day Off:

Ferris Bueller

Jeanie Bueller

Cameron Frye

Sloane Peterson

License to Drive:

Les Anderson

Dean

Mercedes Lane

Charles

Toy Soldiers:

Billy Tepper

Joey Trotta

Snuffy Bradberry

Ricardo Montoya

Hank Giles

Derek/Yogurt

Scream Movie Series {1/2}:

1-

Billy Loomis

Stu Macher

Dwight "Dewey" Riley

Ghostface

Randy Meeks

Tatum Riley

Sidney Prescott

Gale Weathers

2-

Cotton Weary

Derek Feldman

Mickey

Predator:

Dutch

Blain

Yautja

Escape Plan:

Emil Rottmayer/ "Victor Maheim"

Ray Breslin/ "Anthony Portos"

The Expendables:

Barney Ross

Lee Christmas

Toll Road

Tool

Gunnar Jensen

Bao Thao/ "Yin Yang"

Hale Caesar

Trench

Church

Divergent Movie Series {1/2/3}:

Divergent-

Beatrice "Tris" Prior

Caleb Prior

Peter

Tobias "Four" Eaton

Christina "Chris"

Eric Coulter

Will

Insurgent-

Marcus Eaton

Allegiant-

Matthew

Terminator Series:

T-100/"Uncle Bob"/Terminator

T-1000 "Austin"

John Connor

Sarah Connor

Grace

Dani Ramos

Dazed and Confused:

David Wooderson

Fred O'Bannion

Randall "Pink" Floyd

Ron Slater

Don Dawson

Mitch Kramer

Benny O'Donnell

Rocky Series:

Rocky Balboa

Apollo Creed

Captain Ivan Drago

Zombieland {1/2}:

Tallahassee

Columbus

Berkeley

Witchita

Little Rock

Madison

Lethal Weapon Movie Series {1/2/3/4}:

Martin Riggs

Roger Myrtaugh

Rianne Murtaugh

Leo Getz

Goodfellas:

Henry Hill

Jimmy Conway

Tommy DeVito

Karen Hill

Marvel:

Avengers Heroes-

Iron Man/Tony Stark

Thor

Ant-Man/Scott Lang

Hulk/Bruce Banner

Captain America/Steve Rogers

Hawkeye/ Clint Barton

Quicksilver/Pietro Maximoff

Scarlet Witch/Wanda Maximoff

Black Panther/T'Challa

Vision/Victor Shade

Black Widow/Natasha Romanoff

Mantis

Spider-Man/Peter Parker

Doctor Strange/Stephen Strange

Avengers Anti-Heroes/Antagonists:

Yondu Udonta

Loki Laufeyson

Winter Soldier/Bucky Barnes

Whiplash

Thanos

Mysterio

Kaecilius

Ronan

Hela

Ultron

Wolverine/Deadpool:

Wolverine/Logan Howlett

Sabretooth/Victor Creed

Bolt/Chris Bradley

Gambit/Remy LeBeau

Cyclops/Scott Summers

(Younger!)Professor X

Deadpool/Wade Wilson

Cable/Nathan Summers

Colossus/Piotr "Peter" Nikolayevich Rasputin

Dopinger

Weasel

Negasonic Teenage Warhead/Ellie Phimister

DC Universe:

Superman/Clark Kent (Henry Cavill)

Batman/Bruce Wayne (Affleck, Bale versions)

Aquaman/Arthur Curry

Wonder Woman/Diana Prince

Harley Quinn

Joker (Leto, Ledger, Phoenix versions)

Deadshot

Captain Boomerang

Enchantress

Rick Flagg

Bane (Tom Hardy)

TV Shows

Stranger Things:

Mike Wheeler

Nancy Wheeler

Will Byers

Joyce Byers

Johnathan Byers

Maxine "Max" Hargrove

Billy Hargrove

Dustin Henderson

Lucas Sinclair

Robin Buckley

Jim Hopper

Steve Harrington

Sex Education:

Erric Effiong

Aimee Gibbs

Adam Groff

Ola Nyman

Rahim

Otis Milburn

Maeve Wiley

Hannibal (Show):

Hannibal Lector

Will Graham

Dr. Alana Bloom

Jack Crawford

Abigail Hobbs

Orange Is the New Black (OITNB):

Piper Chapman

Nicky Nichols

Suzanne "Crazy Eyes" Warren

Galina "Red" Reznikov

Tasha "Taystee" Jefferson

Dayanara "Daya" Diaz

Gloria Mendoza

Lorna Morello

Tiffany "Pennsatucky" Doggett

Alex Vause

Joel Luschek

Big Boo

Maritza Ramos

Poussey Washington

Yoga Jones

Gina Murphy

Brook Soso

Sophia Burst

George "Pornstache" Mendez

Larry Bloom

Polly Harper

Stella Carlin

The Boys:

Billy Butcher

Starlight/Annie January

Hughie Campbell

Homelander

Kimiko Miyashiro

Queen Maeve/Maggie Shaw

Mother's Milk "M.M."

The Deep/Kevin Moskowitz

Frenchie

Stormfront

Becca Butcher

The Walking Dead (TWD):

Daryl Dixon

Merle Dixon

Rick Grimes

Carl Grimes

Lori Grimes

Maggie Greene

Beth Greene

Glenn Rhee

Negan Smith

Michonne Hawthorne

Carol Peletier

Shane Walsh

Paul "Jesus" Monroe

Eugene Porter

Sgt. Abraham Ford

Outer Banks (OBX):

Sarah Cameron

Rafe Cameron

Ward Cameron

JJ

John B

Topper

Pope

Kiara

Shameless:

Frank Gallagher

Fiona Gallagher

Lip Gallagher

Ian Gallagher

Debbie Gallagher

Carl Gallagher

Kevin Ball

Veronica Fisher

Mickey Milkovich

Mandy Milkovich

Svetlana

Jimmy "Steve" Lishman

Karen Jackson

Cobra Kai

Miguel Diaz

Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz

Robby Keene

Demetri

Carmen Diaz

John Kreese (baby version & old version)

Terry Silver (baby version & old version)

Tory Nichols

Samantha "Sam" LaRusso

...AND MANY MORE!

If there is something or someone you like not on this list, feel free to ask or direct message me! For movies like the DC Universe and Marvel, if there is multiple actors of that character and you want a certain one, please make sure that you add that detail!

Rules & Regulations

Masterlist

[seudxnimx]

Nathan Waller - OC

age: 35-38 height: 6’1 gender: male sexuality: pan. demi. ailments: secretive. can be narcissistic. 

headcanon visage inspo

He’s the son of Amanda Waller (a woman extremely high up in the government and feared for her brutal decisions and actions and the lengths she’ll go to get something done. The woman who put together the suicide squad and task force x - which is just a mix of dangerous criminals and mutants given a mission to shed time off their sentences or she blows their head off) a son she thought was dead, along with her husband and daughter. His father, Joseph, took him and his sister and fled the country with new names and new lives. This all took place when he was just 12 and his father told him and his sister this was for their protection because their mothers work and the people she chose to get involved with were dangerous and would come for them - this was the only way Joseph could keep them safe, his mother chose work over them and faking their deaths was the only option his father felt he had to get them away from her and her work. At least that’s what he was told and what he believed until he was 17.

One of those criminals that Amanda had under her thumb carved their detonator out of their neck and did exactly what his father was trying to prevent. His little sister was brutally murdered and just days later his father was also killed when he went after his sister’s killer, both killer and his father died during the fight. Nathan was lost, angry, mourning for what felt like a decade but it had been just one short week when his mother found him sleeping in a tent in the backyard. Shocked she found him, he broke down again, grateful to see her as he tried to tell her what happened, but she cut him off telling him she already knew and that she was in on the plan of faking their deaths and behind the idea. Amanda didn’t look like she had even shed a tear over their loss, and she was quick to move on.

Amanda let Nathan attend college and get the degree of his choosing but it was all while attending training in martial arts, marksmanship and physical training required by the marine corps. His relationship with his mother is very distant, she never said much or gave much emotion about his father and sister, she cared for Nathan but it was always at arm,s reach and then she asked him to work for her… initially he thought this might be a way to mend things, maybe seeing her do what she’s most passionate about would give them some common ground but he was put on babysitter duty of these forces (like Rick Flag) and soon he was promoted - the government’s own personal hitman. He was 23 by this time.

He threatened his mother in what she was doing and with what he was doing for her, demanding he get to do what he really wanted - be a teacher. She agreed to let him dabble in his profession and it was at 25 when he got his girlfriend pregnant. He and the girl got married quickly, thinking it was the best option - they were married for 6 years when they called it quits and decided on split custody.

He worked hard for his spot at professor, his mother had left him alone and checked in periodically, as well as checked in on Joelle, his daughter. He put it off as long as he could but the next year his mother reminded him of the contract, he was in. He owed them 15 more years or a total of 150 successful assassinations, whichever was met first. He was granted almost 10 years of freedom but now has to answer to every call from Amanda.

He’s not given a mission every day, week or even month so his life can seem relatively normal - he usually has his daughter three days a week and if he’s on a mission the mom takes her. His daughter doesn’t know what he does, the excuse is it’s a trip for work, teaching abroad for a however long the mission takes. He knows eventually she’ll catch on and he’ll have no choice but to tell her the truth, but he plans to keep her innocence about him and her grandmother for as long as he possibly can.

Despite the loss and lied Nathan has been through he’s not as closed off or angry at the world as he could be. Teaching and his daughter has helped with that. He sees students on the daily that he’s making a difference for, he sees the safe space his daughter has that he’s created for her. He sees and hopes for the big picture when his debt is paid, and his contract is up. He’s 35 and professor of sociology at the community college. Meeting him, first glance or even knowing him well, no one would ever guess he was a killer of any kind. He is extremely secretive about his past and obviously about his second life. He doesn’t trust his mother to actually keep him or anyone he’s close to safe; he knows she would take care of his daughter if something happened to him but that’s not the life he wants for her.

[tonystarksfavoritedaughter]

About Me

Hello and thank you for making your way to my page! If you want to find out a little bit more about me then just keep reading!

A little bit about me:

Hello! My name is Hailey and I am 19 years old. I am going into my year of high school, and then I will be in college! Next year in the fall I will be attending college to be an high school English teacher! I fully speak English and I am currently learning Spanish, so if you have any tips, come and message me if you want! 

I am pretty active on here so feel free to message me, or request something and I will respond/write it fairly quickly (I hope). 

I am an absolute simp for Tom and Simu so you’ll probably be seeing a lot of thirst posts from me. I love the Marvel movies and cast; my favorites are Black Panther, Ant-Man, all Spider-Man movies, Age of Ultron, and Infinity War.

I am a huge book nerd, my favorites are anything from Rick Riodan and Victoria Aveyard. As I said before, I love to draw and you can find my art blog @hailey-drawsthings though I don’t really update it regularly as I should. I also have a K-pop writing blog @hanjisungsbiwife if you like Stray Kids and Seventeen!

What can you send me?

You can send absolutely anything you want! I write for a lot of characters and their actors so you guys will have a wide range to choose from! 

I love interacting with people no matter if they’re anonymous or not, and I highly encourage you guys to request something, or even if you just want to talk! So here is a list of things that I will not tolerate in my inbox:

Racism or homophobia: I absolutely will not tolerate these at all so please do not send in anything that supports this because you will be blocked if you do. This also includes anything related to sexism, transphobia, antisemtic, islamophobia, and any other form of hate. I hate that we still have to put these out there, but here we are.  

Celebrity love lives: Look, I’m just here to thirst over Tom, not to be involved in his love life because that is his business and since he is an actor and has no privacy, I feel that we as his fans owe it to him to not care and just let him be happy. So please do not send in anything Tomdaya or anything celebrity ship related or any hate towards past girlfriends or any of that kind.

Who do I write for?

I write for a lot of people and characters so here we go:

Peter Parker

Arvin Russell

Tom Holland

Simu Liu

Shang-Chi

Florence Pugh

Oscar Isaac

Steven Grant

Marc Spector

Poe Dameron (Star Wars)

Nathan Drake (Uncharted film)

Can you direct message me?

Absolutely! Please I encourage you to, whether you want to talk or request, but yes I am always available so feel free to do so.

Do you take requests? 

Yes I do! I have a ton of school work and actual work in the summer, so writing will take a while. 

I will write fluff, angst, smut, and hurt/comfort. If you do request angst, just expect a happy ending because I am a sucker for them and I hate not writing one. 

Request Guidelines: 

I will not write anything that has to do with sexual assault, domestic/physical abuse, incest, and anything relating to that matter (I don’t know why people write about these, but please don’t send those in), as well as any explicit mental heath issues; I do not have depression or anxiety, or anything like that so if you request something that has these, I may or may not write it depending on what you request because I don’t want to get something wrong. If I do write it then I will do research on what it’s like having it so maybe I will, I don't know yet.

I will write insecure fics such as physical image insecurity fics because I do struggle with that, but I won’t dive deep into a certain mental health issue.

But yeah, so that’s all about me so have fun on my blog!