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Dr Jiminy part 3;

Summary; in which Jiminy Cricket has a show like Dr Phil that also does parentity testing. Trigger warning; child abuse, guns, death threats, and a broken marriage. Swearing. Part 1 can be found here and part 2 can be found here. Requested by @idontliketomatoesleavemealone and @cleverqueenchild . Hope you enjoy.

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Dr Jiminy: Hello, all my crickets. Today we have two very special guests. Mulan.....and SHANG!

*Mulan and Shang enter from behind the curtains and take a seat on the couch*

Dr Jiminy *shakes their hands* How ya doing Shang? Mulan. Lovely to see you again. Now it's come to my understanding that you want to do a DNA test on your youngest, Lonnie?

Shang: That's right.

Mulan *nods*

Dr Jiminy: May I ask why that is? You both seem rather calm about this considering most people only come for DNA tests when the topic of cheating is involved.

Mulan: Oh no, we're not here because he thinks I cheated.

Shang: Which, for the record, I don't believe.

Dr Jiminy: oh?

Mulan: Yeah, we're actually here because we want to shut down the rumors and weirdness around people not believing that Shang is Lonnie's father.

Dr Jiminy: O-oh. *mutters* Well, that's a new one. *speaks up* Well, I have the results right here in this envelope. Are you ready?

Shang *grumbles* as ready as I'll ever be.

Mulan: More ready than I have ever been for anything else in my entire life.

*picture of Lonnie in her pjs in the kitchen, smiling pops up*

Dr Jiminy *opens the envelope * In the case of 16 year old, Li Lan-Lei (Lonnie), Shang.... you.. ARE THE FATHER!

Shang: I KNEW IT!

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!

Mulan: WE TOLD YOU SO!

Crowd *looks sheepish*

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Dr Jiminy: Lady Tremaine, is it true that when you found out your grandson, Anthony, was dating Harriet, you called him a moron and her a hussy?

Lady Tremaine: It is and I would do it AGAIN!

*crowd gasps*

Harriet* runs out from behind stage* SAY THAT TO MY FACE, YOU BITCH!

Dr Jiminy: Uh oh. SECURITY!

Harriet *lunges*

Anthony *back stage, mortified and covering Dizzy's eyes* Note to self, never invite grandmother to Holiday gatherings.

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Dr Jiminy: Now, Queen Aurora. King Philip. What do you have to say against the accusations that have been leveled against you by your daughter?

Philip, defensive: Okay, so we weren't the most attentive parents but we aren't neglective!

Aurora, quiet: Neglective is a rather strong word for it.

Dr Jiminy: Then what would you call *checks notes* only seeing your daughter during holidays and big royal events?

Philip *dryly* Being a busy royal.

Crowd *starts booing*

Philip *stands up* WHY ARE YOU BOOING ME? I'M RIGHT!

Aurora: She was with family!

Dr Jiminy *looking disappointed* that doesn't make you any less neglective for not playing a bigger part in her life. She's your only child.

Crowd *booing louder and start throwing things*

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Dr Jiminy: Mr Clayton. Is it true that you shot at your son six times last month?

William Clayton: He's being a baby! It was only 3!I wouldn't waste that much amo on him in a month.

Clay *yelling from behind stage* You shot at me six times in one day once!

William: BECAUSE YOU WERE BEING ANNOYING! EVEN YOUR YOUNGER BROTHERS AREN'T THAT ANNOYING!

William's sister, Lady Waltham, busts out from behind the curtains: YOU WHAT?! I'LL KILL YOU!

William: oh shit *bolts*

Lady Waltham *chases him*GET BACK HERE AND TAKE YOUR PUNISHMENT LIKE A MAN!

Dr Jiminy: Oh dear.

Cash Clayton, 10: Should we stop her? Could we even stop her?

Clay, 18: GO AUNT MANDY! GO! KICK HIS ASS!

Wilson 'Will' Clayton, 12: I'll take that as a no...