#maybe make a list of things i have to do tomorrow
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In Australia, regardless of who you vote for, things stay pretty much the same. Why?
For example, in Australia, Leftists have screwed up the country, making it more and more sexist and racist. How? Because they decided to create a "totally independent" body to police sexism and racism and so on, called the AHRC. Now if a Leftist screeches for the death of people of a certain group, the AHRC checks against the list of approved targets. Basically the government claims to be neither sexist nor racist, because it has checked itself. It just pretends that the Leftists of the AHRC are just somehow coincidentally coming up with the same conclusions that they do. So any politician who wanted to remove the discrimination would have to sack a huge amount of the civil service here, who are almost entirely staffed by people who hate the country and every one in it. Leftists saw that the way to infiltrate and subvert wasn't through democracy, but through the back doors. And if a politician tried to reform thing here, chances are they would be ruined and retired. All of the media, with maybe the exception of Sky News, would pump out propaganda against them, and every member of the huge civil service, down to the teachers, would be quietly pushing for their destruction via social media. You do not speak against this if you are a teacher, or you will be next.
I remember decades ago I spoke to a Labor Politician called Peter Garrett.
Yep, that was him, back in the days he was an edgy rocker. Anyway, he told me he didn't believe in any of the things he'd been saying. He'd gotten elected on words he'd sung, but had never meant. I argued that Australia needed a Bill of Rights, like the Americans had. He told me primly that the Labor Party had decided that the serfs do not need such things. I was hardcore Labor as a child, and that started my drift away. I had a look at the rival Party, but found it was just a watered down version - really, that's predictable as I believe the same marketing company was determining their policies. None of them had the guts to believe in anything, because they wanted the cushy chair and the cushy pension, and if they spoke up against the status quo, they'd be tossed out and left to drown in the sea of media hatred.
There are no independent voices on Aus. Media, not really. I watched ABC Australia the other night and they were discussing the election, and Fox News. I was confused as to why they thought they were important - most youtube channels have more viewers. Hell, I remember when Sargon of Akkad regularly pulled in more views. He was a gigantic influence globally, but he was never mentioned by the ABC. He was erased from existence - but they couldn't do the same with the Joe Rogan show, not entirely. The funny thing is Joe used to be their sort of guy, used to believe the things they did, but the Leftists moved hard away from Freedom and to Totalitarianism, and ever since it has been the quiet little youtubers and podcasters who have been moving the needle. JRE is important, but if he was assassinated tomorrow, the resistance to Leftism would carry on. Hell, Asmongold was just another gaming channel, and it became politicised. Leftists have become too awful and powerful to be ignored. You can't just tune out after work now, when loading up Dragon Age means having someone lecture at you for hours about gender pronouns.
Everywhere you look, there is Leftist propaganda, often State funded like with Dustborn, which taxpayers were forced to pay for. So it's natural now for normal people to look for a game, give up, look for a movie, give up, look for any goddamn thing that entertains - and the only thing left is youtubers encouraging them to burn the whole damn thing down and start again.
youtube
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michelle's buddie fic recs: week 45!
what a week... i'm greatly enjoying all of the post-8x06 buddie fic (many more recs to come!) and took some time to revisit old favourites, which can be found in previous rec lists. enjoy!
this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might also contain spoilers for season 8.
if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!
all that we need | not1_2write | 26.4k | M
When Buck buys a Powerball lottery ticket he doesn't think much beyond his need for change to air up his tire. He forgets all about the ticket until word spreads that the winning ticket was sold in LA and hasn't been claimed yet and pretty much dismisses it. After all, there's no way he won the lottery. Turns out no, he really did win the Powerball, to the tune of 295 million dollars and just in time for Christmas. He's going to make sure the 118 has the best Christmas of their lives. And just maybe he'll have a good one too. idk about all of you but i do dream about winning the lottery regularly (way too often for someone who's never bought a ticket, that's for sure). this is such a lovely look at what buck would do with a whole lot of money <3
i take this magnetic force of a man | playinginthunderstorms/@playinginthunderstorms | 9k | M
Turns out, he isn’t actually afraid of commitment. He’s just afraid of committing to the wrong thing, or the wrong person. Ana, obviously, had been a mistake, because he hadn’t been ready, and he’d put other people’s expectations above his own wants and needs. With Marisol, he’s done the same thing. Moved too fast, doing what he thinks is the right thing according to who? His parents? For Chris’s benefit? Again, pushing past his own comfort, discarding any doubt because it doesn’t fit like… Like Buck. blanket rec for one of my favourite authors who has been posting incredible fics lately!! this one in particular is so beautifully written and so romantic and just so very buddie <3
if i need to rearrange my particules i will for you | thelikesofus/@thelikesofus | 7.9k | GA
Eddie catches a cold and Buck takes care of him while having a minor, non-platonic emotional crisis. this is definitely influenced by the fact that i've been ill myself but wow truly nothing hits as hard as buddie taking care of each other when one of them isn't feeling well. the bed sharing in this is so good <3
let me | facewithoutheart/@facewithoutheart | 1.6k | T
Eddie doesn't think he needs romance. Buck, respectfully, disagrees. AKA the fic where Buck picks Eddie up and kisses him breathless against a wall. and buck is so right for doing that!! i love it when buck turns eddie to jello <3 so lovely!
second child, restless child | lesbianrobin/@lesbianrobin | 23k and counting| M
how Evan and Maddie make it out of Pennsylvania, and Buck and Maddie build a family. okay so listen these past few weeks i've been doing this thing where i only rec finished fics, and every time i scroll through my ao3 history for these rec lists, i come across this one and go oh i wish i could rec this already. and then i realised wait it's my rec list i can do whatever i want, and so then i did. anyway, mind the tags for this one, but wow are you in for a treat here! i love the character dynamics (chim is brilliant in this!! and maddie!!) and i'm so so excited to see the rest of this fic unfold <3
said that i was fine, said it from my coffin | justhockey/tumblr | 7.3k | T
And it doesn’t matter that he feels like he’s dying. Like the version of himself that he’s always been is suddenly a stranger to him - just a mask he’d spent his entire life hiding behind, without ever even realising he was wearing it. It doesn’t matter that Eddie is…that he’s gay. Because he knows - as surely as he knows that the sun will rise again tomorrow - that the only person he has ever, and will ever, truly love is Buck. And Buck isn’t his to love. another blanket rec for an author who's been posting incredible fics!! this one in particular has such brilliant eddie characterisation and i just devoured it the second i got that little ao3 email hehe
there's no place like home-spun | icewhisper | 4.1k | GA
Buck has spent most of his life trying to find something to settle fidgeting hands and the restless need for a home. He found the key to the latter when he was thirteen. He finds the former in a cozy home on South Bedford Street with two of his favorite people. (AKA the Buck-crochets fic that literally no one asked for.). this fic makes me want to learn how to crochet. i am the least crafty person ever and i have like minus time but just know that if two weeks from now i'm posting about yarn and crochet hooks and whatnot, it's all thanks to this fic. i love buck who crochets so very much <3
you get your dreams for free | llovely/@butchdiaz| 14.9k | T
five times buck and eddie cuddle drunk and one time they cuddle sober. buddie bed sharing my absolute favourite. i read this late at night curled up under three blankets and it hit just right <3
#a bit of a shorter list than usual cause i've been rereading previously recced stuff#makes me so glad i have a masterlist spreadsheet so i don't have to dig through old posts to see what's been recced before#buddie#buddie fic#buddie fic rec#911 abc#911 fic#911 fic rec#michelle’s recs#fic rec list
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once again I am gripped by anxiety, a combo of work stress, fear of running into the screaming parkade lady again, and for some reason, feeling like I want to do too many hobbies this weekend and won't have enough time.
#brain. brain pls#anyway. i sort of finished my orchard in acnh for now and my podcast is almost over#so im going to take a shower and then watch lotr and either start a puzzle or get out a craft#maybe make a list of things i have to do tomorrow#can't decide if I'll get groceries tomorrow or sunday#side note even though i have skype notifications turned on im still not getting notifications on my phone so that's great#im gonna get in trouble for not seeing things
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baking never feels more like science to me than when i'm trying to cobble together an intricate multi step recipe together from several different recipes and tutorials online because the recipe I'm imagining doesn't exist....
#genuinely feels like a science experiment making something fancier than a frosted layer cake#have to do all kinds of volume and weight conversions because one recipe is japanese and the other is indian and the other is english lmfao#none of the recipes are probably the exact volume I need so i might have to make some minis with my extra stuff#i have to find a very precise sheet pan size tomorrow for the patterned cake i'm gonna use as the outer bit#otherwise i'll have to make my own from parchment paper??? or tin foil??? man idk.....#i had to write out all of my instructions and ingredient lists so i don't have to go between 6 different websites tomorrow/sat#i had to do research on fucking. gelatine 😭because it's impossible to find gelatine sheets here and they're used in EVERY mousse recipe#and there's apparently a huge debate on what the ACTUAL conversion of sheet gelatine to powdered gelatine is for baking#I also had to type up like an exact order to make each component because most need a significant amount of cooling time#grayson im gonna try my hardest to make you this fancy ass lemon cake and i pray i succeed this time where i failed on my own birthday#2 yrs ago but also i think this will go better bc i'm not doing a jelly insert or a candied mirror glaze#I'm also making my own candied lemons and lemon curd even though i don't have to#mostly because i wanna try doing it and the sheer power of getting to say i made the whole thing from scratch *#minus the actual cake mix because i don't have a good from scratch cake track record and box mixes are so so reliable#and i have too many moving parts to worry about finding a new cake recipe#every fucking cake recipe now is a fucking genoise sponge for SOME REASON#which is NOTORIOUSLY DIFFICULT AND A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS BECAUSE IT USES NO RISING AGENTS#i want to throttle whoever it was that made online recipe people turn to only using variations of a genoise sponge for their cake recipes#honestly i need to maybe join the baking subreddit and ask for some good old baking/cookbooks with reliable baking recipes#ones that aren't crazy labor intensive for fucks sake i'm not a french patisserie#my stuff#it would be cool to one day have baked enough and have enough know how of how standard baking recipe components work#so i can just come up with my own recipes on my own#and just use whatever flavors i want#i feel like i would enjoy being a baker except if i had to make wedding cakes
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He’d agreed to her suggestions with little hesitation, so why did Bekah still feel so tense? It wasn’t as though they hadn’t already done it once. Why was it so awkward to talk about it now? Was she honestly so hopelessly into him that she couldn’t even discuss something that’d already happened between them?
Maybe it was because their coupling was more of a means to an end. It was for both of them to have a chance at parenthood, not because Ben personally wanted to sleep with her. That was something she didn’t want to have to think about, lest she completely ruin the vibe. For Pete’s sake, maybe she needed another beer…
Busying herself, she scribbled down their current ideas. Under Ben’s name was “Shakespeare,” and “outdoors,” while under hers was “Mirror,” and a capital “M.”
Bekah didn’t feel right writing the entire word out at that moment. As she glanced up cautiously at him, she wondered who was sporting pinker cheeks.
"That seem like a good enough starting point?" he asked.
“Hmmm…”
She wanted to say yes, but staring down at the short, sad list, she knew they should at least try to think of a couple more ideas, but rather than say that out loud, she opted to continue with another suggestion of her own.
“What about this time around, we try another room, rather than the bed again? Maybe the shower, or your office?”
What was the state of his office anyway? Was it even usable?
“Or…even here, on the kitchen counter…”
The last part had sort of tumbled from her mouth in a slow, last minute thought as she shrugged through an uncertain wince, “We have to go again at least once tonight and twice tomorrow, so we might as well keep things…interesting?”
Could she be any more awkward? The whole purpose of this conversation was to make things less so!
With a quiet sigh, she asked, "W-where do you like to be touched?" She suddenly felt dreadfully small, "Your weak spots, I mean..."
“Is it sad that I can’t tell if you’re serious or not? 'Sides, you’d probably chastise me for my habit of paraphrasing rather than be turned on.”
"Well, who would I be if not a man of mystery?" Ben quipped. "And I don't know if I'd chastise you, so much as one-up you by giving a proper recitation." Snorting when she scrawled out "Shakespeare," he flashed a grin. "Well, this is already looking like a sad list..."
To his surprise, Bekah reassured, “I wouldn't be opposed to that. We’d need to think about where we could try it without risk of being fined. I'd suggest the beach, but we’d probably run into a similar issue.”
Ben snorted. "What, you mean like creating sand pearls in our nooks? Yeah. Not the sexiest thing I've ever heard." Leaning in on his elbows, he absently jiggled his foot. "Maybe there's an air B&B with a secluded yard, or something...lots of land and no neighbors. Unless you're into that, of course."
Barely suppressing a snort, he laughed and nudged her. "I'm kidding. Though I guess it's not my worst faux suggestion."
Rebekah tensed, anxiously tapping her pen. “Oh, uh…” Flushing, her features scrunched before she said, “If we do doggy style again, maybe we’ll try it in front of a mirror. Or start out watching each other…you know...”
"Do what?" Ben asked. "Acrobatics?" Despite his quip, a faint pink curled around his cheeks.
With a wince, Rebekah said in a rush, “Masturbate.”
Oh...
A rush of heat pooled into his lower belly and he cleared his throat, shifting against his seat. "All right," he agreed. "I mean...yeah, I think that'd be okay. Like, maybe we could combine the two or something...the whole self-pleasure angle followed by your mirror idea."
God, why was this so difficult to discuss? Probably because in any given setting, it was usually Caleb or Abe who gleefully recounted their "carnal endeavors." Ben, on the other hand, much preferred to keep his dalliances under lock and key, only opting to describe them as blandly as possible. To him, intimacy was sacred. He didn't wish to share his experiences. His natural instinct was to conceal, to hide his desires, which was perhaps why he could no longer look Rebekah in the eye.
Drawing a breath, Ben asked, "That seem like a good enough starting point?"
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been feeling v frustrated n a little scared recently bc I’ve genuinely had no desire whatsoever to write fics lately and. I’m not used to that. maybe it’s burnout?? I’ve experienced it with different things but never fic writing so it just feels really weird and oddly disappointing ☹️
#I was thinking that maybe it’s the Prozac but#I’ve been writing other things lately without problem#it’s just fics and I’m not used to that at all :(#or maybe it’s bc I’m making myself feel obligated to write things I’m just not#too interested in at the moment#like I HATE when I make polls and then don’t wanna do the top choice akdjdkd#I don’t even wanna write any choice that I listed!!!!!#I have a twilight zone okkotsu#idea that’s been floating around my head#so I might write that first to get into the groove of writing security guard aizawa#but for now it’s just so. bland. zero motivation to do anything fandom related and this feels so odd#I finished my work for the week so maybe I’ll try writing tomorrow then#if my nail polish doesn’t come early wkdjdkf#okay gn I feel sooo sick for some reason idk I think it’s motion sickness#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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Anyone want to be mewtuals... We could commit word crimes together (share and beta our fanfics)...
#TO THE MUTUALS I AM GAINING GOD BLESS YOU I LOVE YOU#I AM GLAD YOUR HERE AND I HOPE YOU WILL BE AMUSED BY ME BEIING A SILLY LITTLE GUY#AND ALSO MY WORD CRIMES.#WHICH I WILL GET AROUND TO FINISHING AND POSTING AT SOME POINT#nvm the fact that i just wrote a whole ass 3k word plot for a rise of red au fanfic#adding that to my list of things im doing....#anways hopefully I can get time tomorrow and knock that Evie req out of the park (finish it so i can edit it in the next few days) and then#who knows#OOOH OOH ALSO I HAVE SOME BRIDGET ART IN THE WORKS AND I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY WITH IT BC!!! BC!!!#I HAVE ALWAYS STRUGGLED WHENEVER I TRIED TO DRAW LIVE ACTION CHARACTERS TRANSLATED INTO MY STYLE#STILL LOOKING RECOGNIZABLE BUT ALSO LOOKING LIKE MY NORMAL ART AND ALSO GOOD#BUT I FINALLY!!! FUCKING!!!!!!!#GOT IT!!!!#on bridget the love of my life of course of course it was her#anyways#I'm working on colors and then maybe I'll post em#considering making a poll to see if there's interest in the smut fic i wrote? tho im shy and will be taking precautions to hopefully avoid#minors from easy easy access to it#but who knows#text in tags#sable speaks#silly
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honk shoo.
#but yeah sleepy.#i have so much to do these next few days I’m gonna die#meanwhile I just wanna see my friends#the good thing is that some of the busy things involve seeing my friends but goddamn why are almost all of them hard#also YES I’m going to be dumb and gay again bc a) why shouldn’t I b) nobody can stop me#I’m being dumb and gay again.#now seen The Guy twice since I’ve been back and he’s very cool#still feel like I’m being insane god idk what I’m doing#I hope he comes tomorrow bc he can’t make the meeting which means he won’t be on committee which sucks bc he did want to#OH but I did mean to tell him there was one role he could go for and have a good shot at that I think he’d be good for#only problem is if he doesn’t come tomorrow I can’t tell him in time bc I don’t have any way to message him other than email#(which feels slightly creepy bc I only know it bc secretary and he’s never explicitly said his surname so it’s just inferred from the list)#idk. the thing that gets me is we are very much friends now. like early stages of friends but we keep talking at hockey#and importantly he keeps coming To Me which keeps surprising me bc he does it more than any of my other friends#but I guess I’m also coming to him kinda a lot too. self awareness falls when around cute boy you get how it is#god it’s so unfair why is he like this#I finished getting my skates off before he did yesterday which gave me a very good opportunity to Look while he was talking#and have it not be weird and he’s just very pretty. he’s got a rlly nice nose#i always feel insane pointing out noses it’s the Draw speaking bc I use noses as a focal point and they’re fun to draw#tbh it’s unlikely I will say someone does Not have a nice nose but idk let me have this. it would be fun to draw is maybe what I mean#and I hadn’t noticed before bc the like bridge? and uhh like. base? idk nose words but they don’t match#the bridge is super long and on the thin side w a bump like mine but the like bottom is much rounder and wider and I don’t see that mix much#he also just has rlly nice hair it’s super curly and he’s in that like weird light brown purgatory where it’s all different colours#like it’s mostly light brown but some bits look rlly dark and some especially at the ends is like almost blonde and it changes w the light#god he also keeps doing this dumb fucking thing where he’s trying to skate while squatting all the way and it’s ridiculous#he looks like a spider folding in on itself and the worst part is he can fucking do it#he’s gotten so good at skating recently and I have a feeling he lives somewhere with an ice rink bc I’m sure he’s better than he was novembr#yeah I also got to just stand and watch him play yesterday and it’s so incredibly horribly unfair#anyway I’m too fucking gay and I will not let him escape me again tomorrow I Will get his instagram or smth bc I swear this man#luke.txt
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me, two days ago: I don't know if I like Slay the Spire very much. Rogue-likes aren't really my thing, and there's some things about the game that annoy me...
me, today: [has played 5.5 hours of Slay the Spire just this afternoon.]
#I think that the very things I hate about the game are the things that have made me sink a massive amount of time into it.#I keep playing out of spite and a desperate need to make it past act 2.#morrigan.text#morrigan plays#video games#slay the spire#chances are I will play more tomorrow.#but maybe not. we're doing ''christmas'' with my dad tomorrow afternoon. So who knows if I'll have time for video games.#OH! and the Steam winter sale starts tomorrow... I am definitely going to have to buy at least one or two games...#I have Pillar of Eternity 2: Deadfire on my list and I've been eyeing Rimworld for YEARS now but idk if I'll actually like playing it.#so who knows. we shall see what actually ends up in my cart tomorrow.#my wishlist is 36 or 37 items long but most of them I know I won't ever actually buy because I won't ever actually play them lmao.
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Okaaaay daydreaming time then sleeby nienie eveyone!!
#spice.txt#i think maybe im gonna start when i say night night what im gonna daydream abt before bed#on the menu tonight im cooking up a new maoichi fic chapter#hehe its very good i think#its actually gonna go in between two already planned out chapters#so now after i figure out all the story beats for this one ill have 25 chaps planned so far#also thinking of making a poll to vote on whether or not i should make a public list of all my plans#like imagine it as like.... episode title and synopsis but instead its list of future chapter themes???#like... idk if people would like that or want to be surprised#oh maybe i could post it under a readmore so then people have the choice to look at it or not!!!#i also wanna make a blog directory pinned post.... im too lazy to edit a theme so a pinned with links is the best ill do#this is just turning into a list of things i need to do this weekend#uhhh laundry!! you have no underwear you loser#and draw maoichi slow blink in stream tomorrow#thanks future aero#anyway#looks at you reading this post#hiiiieeeeeeeee!!!!#if u read my fic and want a post for future chaps lemme know bc if I am encouraged i will probably make it lawl#tee hee ok nie nie for realsies
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...
#somethings gotta give. bc the way i exist now is not sustainable. i mean. it is but like at what cost ya kno#i just want to clean my apartment and go to the dentist. thats all i want. and that makes me so sad#my mum texted me today like pls work on a xmas list and literally i dont want anything i just wanna clean my apartment#and like not hate everything i have to do on a regular basis. and to b able to concentrate and not be paralyzed by everything#which is to say i need to be medicated but that's just another thing on a growing list of things that needs to happen so like cool great#mayne itll be better once i start taking measures. it wont. i know it wont but maybe it'll at least b terrible in a different way#bc im tired of this way. and im pretty sure my boss thinks im having a breakdown and like shes not really wrong but its still annoying#i should also get tickets home for winter break. but the mental math i have to do to convince myself i can take time off is exhausting#i should probably go for like a full 2 weeks. and hope it heals me even tho none of the breaks ive had this year have healed me#just take 2 weeks and get a game on steam and just not do anything as i agonize over all my applications#and agonize over the fact i probably have to be here doing this for at least another 7 or 8 months#i should have left last year. ugh. i should have done a lot of things. i should b working on my manuscripts right now#or doing something productive. im just tired. and i dont want to meet with ppl tomorrow. i just wanna sleep#unrelated
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oh yeah, foreshortened future is a whole thing with PTSD, can also occur with depression and possibly as a downstream effect of time blindness in ADHD (although find me a person with ADHD who isn't traumatised, we have confounding factors here) and it's why I can get snarly about people telling me to live for today, you could die tomorrow, yolo, live like you're gonna die young, etc. bc worrying about or planning for the future is actually a positive sign that I can conceive of a future at all and I worked really hard on that. Not being able to believe that I might survive has actually had ruinous impacts on my entire life and I don't appreciate anyone trying to undermine my efforts to repair it no matter how well-meaning.
The thing that made a tangible difference for me (YMMV) is writing my tomorrow-self a note before I go to bed every night. It's not exactly leaving myself a to-do list, although it usually includes reminders of things that need doing, and it's not journaling although it often includes reflections on the day I just had, it's more like a short letter addressing myself tomorrow as someone who will in fact exist. Like, my particular case was severe enough that waking up every day was kind of a surprise (at some points severe enough that going to bed was too, like what do you mean a whole day happened and I'm still here) so that's how small I had to start, but over time making regular efforts to see the next day as a reality I will probably have to deal with has allowed the growth of a longer sense of my own existence into the future, now I can almost imagine a whole year of existing, even if it gets a bit blurry after about three to six months. As a result I can sometimes do things like preventative care, maintenance, make and keep multiple appointments, deal with things before they become a crisis, finish projects that take more than a few hours, file paperwork on time, you know, live like I might actually live.
love ppl online being like "ur literally 30" like do u think thats not gonna happen to you??
#dear diary#I'm just gonna glide over the part where I misplaced the book for a couple of years and backslid#I don't even read the notes half the time but that's not the point#if it was just about remembering to do the dishes I'd just make a to-do list#the point is that tomorrow is a reality I will probably have to deal with#so maybe I should do the dishes before I go to bed#also this is something you will not find in any listicle about How To Live With A Sense Of Foreshortened Future#all very clearly written by untraumatised people who aren't even tangentially MH professionals let alone trauma-informed ones#they're all like just eat well and cuddle your pets uwu#try journaling abt your trauma and reflecting on your feelings uwu practice mindfulness uwu HAVE YOU TRIED YOGA UWUW#nevermind that eating well isn't that simple when you can't manage groceries bc you don't comprehend being alive for a whole week#or that mindfulness is actually contraindicated for PTSD these days bc it can literally make it worse#or that have you tried yoga is my CIA hypnoprogrammed robot assassin activation phrase#or that none of that shit actually helps this specific problem#like how the fuck is journaling about the past supposed to help me conceptualise the future? it fucking doesn't#so basically you can safely ignore those they're useless#fix your broken leg by going on a hike levels of useless#literally Homestuck helped more#like I'm sure there's other things that work other than this but you won't find them on a list made by anyone#whose entire understanding of mental healing begins and ends at take a nice bath with a scented candle and you'll feel better
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i think maybe ill ask my mom if we can get a werewolf movie if i finish my assignments…
#theo.txt#to motivate me#Sound Off In The Replies (recommended werewolf movies cause other wise im gonna watch the london one)#BUT. i have 2 finish my math (need my dads help) (hes hiking ?) AND one english assignment#technically two but with one i think it’s completely closing tomorrow or maybe wednesday#& the other one its not due till like. friday?#the Other One will be easier tho cause its not Reading & i Cannot focus on the thing#+ i need 2 do my laundry maybe i should make a list
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weird urge to make like a physical collage out of magazines… but I don’t own any magazines…. and don’t want to buy magazines…. hmmmmmm
#wanting to do art a lot recently but too tired/have too much going on to properly do anything#I don’t even own a glue stick yet…… it is on the list of things I should buy but will probably put off#maybe I should paint again too… dreaming of making things (I have work tomorrow at 8am though)#actually now that I think about it since I have a pc setup now I don’t even have a clearance desk
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handy | choi san
pairing: choi san x afab reader
word count: 5K
summary: you move into a shitty apartment with a long list of maintenance issues. your landlord puts off sending someone to fix them, only making your frustrations grow. that is, until the maintenance man finally arrives and you discover that he's hot... and you find yourself making excuses for him to keep coming back.
warnings: 18+, minors do not interact, maintenance man!san, tenant!reader, reader is kind of a perv lol, unprotected piv (wrap it up!), oral (f receiving), san is a tease, fingering, hair pulling (m receiving), cumplay, kitchen counter sex!!!, he kinda throws u around hehehe, choking, dacryphilia, use of a petname (baby), lmk if i forgot anything!
author's note: umm.... hahaha um...... so this is lowkey based on a recent experience i had of my maintenance man coming to fix some shit in my apt and he strangely had SO much rizz and i was like wait a minute.... this could be a great fic idea LMAO thank u to @hausofmingi for being my beta-reader ily always ♡
when you signed your lease at your new apartment, you didn’t expect to sign up for a list of problems.
you desperately needed a new place to live, and with the measly budget you had for rent, all that was left available were slim pickings. so when you finally found a small 1 bedroom apartment that wasn’t double your desired price, you jumped at the opportunity. you applied for the place on the spot and were approved the same day. you didn’t really think anything of it, but when you finally got settled in and actually gave a good look at your newfound home… you were in for a fucking nightmare.
for starters, the window unit in the bedroom wouldn’t blow cool air. it’s right in the heat of the summer, so coming home after a long day only to sweat all night long was not cutting it for you. you put in a maintenance request through your tenant portal app the first day when you realized this.
another annoyance was the dishwasher. one of your biggest must-haves was to have an actual working one. maybe you were asking a bit much with your budget, but with the amount that you work, it was imperative. you were thrilled to see the dishwasher during the viewing, only to find a few days worth of dirty dishes later, that said dishwasher was rusty and moldy. literally unusable. so you put in another maintenance request.
last one, and maybe now you’re just getting picky because you’re pissed, but your shower water pressure sucked, and by the time you would finish a shower, the water would take forever to drain. another request sent.
all these maintenance requests and not a single one fixed. you started to wonder if the tenant portal app even worked, so you called your landlord, only to grapple with them on finding a time for them to fix it while you’re still home. you might want these things fixed asap, but you’re not willing to let a stranger in your space when you’re not there.
you started to fucking lose it. a few weeks with no cold air, shitty water pressure, and dishes piling up your sink, and not one thing being done about it. you call your landlord one more time, urging them to finally fix these issues, arguing that they should’ve been fixed before you even moved in. and with that last push, they finally caved and did their fucking job. they said they’re sending someone there first thing tomorrow.
so when you finally wake up and go about your day-off routine, you’re constantly watching the clock. when they said “first thing tomorrow,” did they mean “first thing tomorrow once the maintenance man feels like it”? because it’s already pushing noon and you’re getting impatient. it’s obnoxious; you’re not able to run any errands (let alone actually go out and enjoy your day off) and you’re just waiting around for some dude to actually do the job you’ve been asking for for weeks.
just as you find yourself dialing the landlord’s number, you hear a knock at your door. fucking FINALLY. you jump off your couch, mind spewing profanities out of frustration. you walk towards the door, ready to give this stupid maintenance man a piece of your mind. you swing open the door, and your heart drops.
the maintenance man stands before you, with a tight black tank that hugged his muscular build and dirty worn jeans. he has a tool belt strapped to his (surprisingly small?) waist and a heavy tool box gripped in his hand. he’s a little dirty, and his chest is shiny with sweat due to the humid outside air. his rugged exterior is a huge juxtaposition to his face, however, with sharp yet kind eyes and a sweet smile.
“you need some maintenance done?” he asks.
“oh, uh, yes,” you stumble, suddenly at a loss for words. “come on in.” you hold the door open, allowing him to walk through to your living room.
“so you’re having issues with your water pressure?” he says, looking around the apartment.
“yeah, that and a few other things,” you reply. “but the biggest thing is the window unit in my room. it doesn’t blow any cold air.”
“i can fix that,” he looks at you with a grin. “which one’s the bedroom?”
you walk him to your room, thanking god he can’t see the blush forming on your face. he walks in and places his tool box down, promptly inspecting the window unit.
“i’ll just let you do your thing,” you say, twiddling your thumbs. “i’ll be in the living room if you need me.”
he nods, and you go back to sit on your couch. you mindlessly scroll through your phone, all while spiraling in your head. did your landlord hire this guy from a fucking modeling agency? he has the build for handyman work, that is certain. however, his face is what’s really getting to you. he could be on the cover of vogue and you wouldn’t bat an eye. but there he is, working on a shitty a/c window unit in your room.
you suddenly become hyper aware of the appearance of your bedroom. what does he think about your decor? is he cringing at the plushies sat on your bed? what if you left a pair of underwear out? oh my god, did you leave your nightstand drawer open, with your vibrator out for the whole world to see?
“it looks like you’ll need a whole new window unit,” he says from your room, interrupting your swarming thoughts. “this one doesn’t even have heat, and you’ll need that for winter.”
“oh, yeah,” you say, getting up and standing in your bedroom doorway. “how long will it take to get a new one? this heat has been brutal.”
“i should be able to bring one tomorrow, if you’re available,” he says, turning back to look at you as he closes up the tool box.
“i’m available,” you say all too quick. dude. be cool. “i mean, yeah, i can try to get off work a little earlier, maybe at like 3?”
“works for me,” he smiles, standing up. “can i get your number?”
you can’t hide your blush this time, nodding at the insinuation, but knowing it was just to iron out arrangements. “here,” you say, opening your phone messages so he can send himself a text.
he types away and hands your phone back. “you need a new dishwasher too, right?”
“i do,” you confirm.
“i can try and get you one by tomorrow too,” he says. “i’m off duty by like 5, so hopefully i’ll have enough time. now the shower?”
you nod and lead him to your bathroom. he examines the shower head, and you watch your cat approach him from behind.
“oh my god,” he says, startled at your cat rubbing against his leg. “this little dude came out of nowhere!” he reaches down to pet him, all while he’s purring up a storm.
“wow, he really likes you,” you stand shocked. your cat is always so standoffish to strangers, usually hiding under your bed or couch. but he’s rubbing against your maintenance man’s legs like he’s best friends with him.
“cats tend to really like me, i don’t know why,” he chuckles, scratching at your cat’s head. “what’s his name?”
“leo,” you say.
“like the zodiac sign?” he looks up at you while still petting him.
“yeah, i wanted to name him after his own sign but he’s a cancer, soooo…” you trail off, awkwardly fiddling with your hands.
“i’m a cancer!” he lights up, looking back down at leo. “no wonder we get along.”
you smile, and then realize you’re staring again. “i’ll go back in here so you can work.”
after distracting yourself with your phone again for a bit, you look up and see the man starting to walk out the bathroom doorway, already with his things together.
“okay, it should be good now, but let me know tomorrow if there’s any issues,” he says. you nod to him and lead him to the front door. you open the door and he walks out, but turns to you before he leaves. “so, i’ll see you tomorrow?” he has a smile on his face, with a hint of something behind it that you can’t quite read.
“yeah, tomorrow,” you say.
after locking the door behind him, you slump onto the couch with a big sigh. that was somehow the most nerve-wracking thing you’ve ever experienced. you remember he texted himself on your phone, so you open your messages and see the unsaved number.
sent 12:28 pm this is san :)
you can feel heat rising to your cheeks. even a stupid smiley face in a text has got you kicking your feet. you text him back, telling him your name and a quick thank you.
dear lord. this man didn’t even do anything, but he will be the death of you.
you come home early the next day, even earlier than you mentioned. partly because you wanted to clean up your place a bit, but the other part to mentally prepare yourself for a hot man in your apartment again. you clean up your room, tidying up so it looks a tad better than it did the day prior. once you’re done, you find yourself fixing up your makeup, realizing you’re putting way too much effort into seeing a fucking handyman fix your a/c.
are you really doing this? intentionally getting dolled up for this?? haha never! right….?
you hear a knock at your door and jump up. you check yourself in the mirror one last time, fixing the gloss on your lips. you go to open the door to reveal san, standing in front of you again with a familiar sweet smile on his face. you smile back too eagerly.
“i got your window unit!” he says, nodding down to the large box in his hands.
“oh, come in, that must be heavy!” you say, ushering him into your living room.
“mind if i go in your room?” he asks.
“of course, please,” you say, opening your bedroom door and letting him set the box down. you attempt to subtly watch his arms flex as he drops it. oh my god he is so hot.
you retreat to the living room as usual, allowing him to work in peace. you work on some things on your laptop to pass the time, but the thought of this man working on your a/c, muscles protruding, sweat glistening… it’s all too much of a distraction. you decide to put your ear buds in, trying to drown out your own perverse thoughts. you finally are able to hone in on your work, catching up on the things you couldn’t finish during your shift today since you left early.
you don’t realize that san finished installing the window unit until you feel a hand on your shoulder, making you jump.
“oh!” you stammer, pulling an ear bud out. “sorry, what’s up?”
san has a smile creeping on his face. “my bad, i didn’t mean to scare you. i just wanted to let you know i finished putting in the unit.”
“that’s great, thank you so much,” you say, standing up. “did you get the dishwasher today too?”
“yeah i did,” he says, but then he checks his phone for the time. you realize it’s about to hit 5 pm, and he said he’s off by that time.
“you’re almost off, i forgot,” you say apologetically. “you can just come back another day?”
he checks his phone again, contemplating. “well… i mean i already have it in my truck, so i don’t mind working a little bit over my time.”
“you really don’t have to, san,” you plead.
“it’s okay,” he says. “i’ll be right back with it!”
he exits your apartment, giving you a moment to kick yourself. having a dishwasher that works would be so great right now, but you feel guilty for having him work past his time. another part of you wants him to go anyway, if it meant he would come back again.
you hear a loud noise outside your front door, so you open it to see san with the new dishwasher on a dolly. you hold the door open for him, allowing him to enter your apartment and bee-line to the kitchen. he props the dolly down to drop the box.
“i should be able to finish this in about an hour, is that okay?” he asks, already unboxing it.
“as long as you’re okay with working this late,” you shrug.
“i don’t mind at all,” he smiles, looking up at you.
“okay, i’ll just be in here,” you point behind you, gesturing to the living room.
“alright, dishwasher is done,” san says, walking into the living room with a broken down empty box in one hand and dolly in the other.
“thank you so much,” you smile.
“is there anything else you need then?” he inquires, quirking up an eyebrow.
a moment of silence washes over the room momentarily, with you wracking your brain trying to find a reason for him to stay longer. but you push that away, knowing he’s been working way too long past his scheduled time.
“no, i think that will do it,” you sigh, unintentionally sounding disappointed.
“well,” he mumbles, toying with the box in his hand. “well you have my number, so if you need anything, feel free to shoot me a text.”
you walk him to the door, thanking him. he stands out in the hallway, you looking at him out your front door.
“really though,” he insists. “if you need anything.” with one last sweet smile, he leaves.
so what does he mean by that? “anything.” maybe you’re delusional for thinking there’s a hidden meaning behind that statement. as in, you can text him if you want him to fuck your brains out, “anything?” definitely not, but your mind wanders at the thought of it; that he’d drop everything and book it back to your apartment, heaving and sweaty, ready to take what’s his. you’re actually fucking crazy.
and to make yourself even crazier, the next few days you find yourself itching to get another reason to have him come back. you check your kitchen sink’s water pressure, it’s fine. you test out the stove for the first time and it cooked your food perfectly, no gas smell. then you find something. one of your kitchen drawers won’t close completely. it’s something small, but enough to put in a maintenance request. for the first time since you moved in, you feel grateful you live in a shitty apartment.
you swing the door open, happy to see the cute grin san always gives you the moment he sees you.
“sooo… a drawer, huh?” he quips with a hint of a teasing tone.
“y-yeah, i tried to fix it but i don’t know what i’m doing wrong,” you defend, rubbing the back of your neck.
“i can fix that,” he says, passing into the kitchen, tool box in hand. you’re ready to retreat to your living room as usual, but san stops you. “you know, you don’t have to wait around in your living room for me to finish. i like having company.”
“oh,” you mumble, turning around. “i thought you might want privacy while you work.”
“no, it’s okay,” he says, opening his tool box to grab a few items. “if you wanted, you can hang around. i like learning about the tenants i’m working for.”
“okay,” you murmur. you open a kitchen cabinet to grab two mugs. “do you want some tea?”
“i would love some tea,” he says.
you put the kettle on the stove, heating up some water. you chat with san about work, how many units he has to visit in a day, about the interesting tenants he meets, how long he’s been doing this. once the kettle starts whistling, san is already finished fixing the drawer, placing it back into it’s assigned slot. you can’t help but feel disappointed that your time with him is almost up. you put the tea bags in the mugs of hot water, offering one to san.
“i know you’re done, but if you still want it,” you say, and he accepts the drink with a grin. you both sit at your kitchen table, continuing to chat. your cat leo enters the kitchen, going to straight to san’s legs to rub against him.
“there’s my boy,” san coos, scratching leo’s head.
“i still can’t get over how much he likes you,” you laugh. “he’s never this friendly, he’s only like this with me.”
“he seems friendly to me,” san says. “maybe he just has good taste in people.”
you chuckle, wondering in the back of your mind if he meant that about you too.
san checks his phone, realizing the time. he sets down his tea and stands. “i should probably get out of here, there’s another tenant waiting for me.”
“i didn’t mean to keep you—”
“no no,” san interrupts. “it’s okay. i really liked this. not a lot of people are this welcoming.”
“of course,” you reply, standing up with him. “i—i really liked this too.”
san smiles, biting a bit at his lip. you look at each other for a moment, feeling an intriguing tension in the air. he finally shakes head, going to grab his things to go. you walk him to your front door. you say another thank you, about to close the door.
“like i said,” he repeats, leaning against the door frame. “anything.”
you hadn’t seen san in over a week. it was driving you mad. you became addicted to his energy, to his warm greeting at your front door, to the lingering gazes you shared. you didn’t have any reason to see him again, and you needed to find another. so you did something you’re not entirely proud of… something that an actual crazy person would do. you loosened a bolt on a pipe under your kitchen sink, allowing water to trickle the smallest amount in the lower cabinet.
listen. you know it’s bizarre at this point, but you had to see him again. it’s not like anything would happen; he’d probably just fix it up, have another nice chat with you, and be on his way. is it so bad that you meddled with your sink just to see him?
when san arrives, he has that all-knowing grin on his face the moment you open the door.
“the sink now, hm?” he asks.
“yeah,” you chuckle anxiously. “the sink.”
he goes to the kitchen and inspects the pipes under the sink. you lean against the counter, hoping to god he doesn’t notice that the pipe didn’t magically get loose.
“ah i see,” he laughs to himself. “it’s just a loose bolt. easy fix.” he tightens it with his tools, quickly finishing.
“oh, haha,” you say, nerves bubbling in your stomach. “i guess i could’ve done that.”
“you know, it’s so interesting…” he trails off, standing up to face you, running a hand through his hair.
“what?” you ask.
“i’ve never had to do so much maintenance work for one tenant before,” he says, sly grin across his face. fuck. do you think he knows?
“and i swear, that bolt kinda looked like it was loosened by a wrench…” he trails off again, stepping closer to you. HE KNOWS.
“n-no, i would never,” you defend, feeling backed against the counter.
your eyes are locked on san, wandering over his built frame, over his sharp features. he’s inching closer and closer, and you feel your breath hitch. he catches your trailing eyes as if to ask for permission, and leans in to kiss you.
finally, the thing you’ve been wanting so bad from him, to feel his lips against yours. he cups your cheek with one hand, letting you melt into his touch. your lips part to allow his tongue to slide in, deepening the kiss with fervor. his form pushes against yours, pressing you against the kitchen counter. his hands begin to wander, grazing from the side of your face down to your waist. he holds you in a tight grip, pulling your hips forward to meet his. you can feel him harden in his jeans as he lets out a groan against your lips.
“you did this on purpose, hm?” san says, separating from your lips. he lifts you up and places you to sit on the kitchen counter in one swift motion. he kneels to the floor, grabbing at the waist of your pants. “just to see me?”
you nod emphatically, watching as he pulls down your pants and underwear. the cold air hits your core and you try to close your legs, but san pushes them back open to admire you. putting your legs over his shoulders, he runs his fingers against your folds, eyes drinking in the sight of you. you shudder at the feeling, knowing all too well that he’s already got you soaked.
“you like seeing me like this?” he whispers, looking up at you. “i bet you imagined me like this, between your legs.” when his fingertips graze over your clit, your body lets out a shake, and he knows he found what he wanted.
he attaches his mouth to your core and places a firm hold on your outer thighs. licking stripes up to your clit, each stroke of his tongue feels like heaven. he dips down to your hole, dragging your slick upwards. he moans at the taste of you, devouring at you with more passion. your hands grasp at his hair, relishing the stimulation.
he tugs his head back, looking as pussy-drunk as ever. “i imagined you like this too,” he moans, lips still hovering over you. you unintentionally tug at his hair, yearning for his mouth back on you. “i wanted you so bad the moment i saw you.”
he releases a hand off your thigh and snakes it back between your legs, teasing at your hole as he goes back to circle his tongue around your clit. he looks up at you as he slides his middle finger in, watching you crumble at the feeling. once he can tell you’re comfortable, he slides in another, slowly starting to pump them into you. you whimper at the feeling, walls contracting around his fingers.
your moans are uncontrollable, and he matches them, letting the vibrations enhance the stimulation. he curls his fingers into you, hitting that perfect spot. he can feel your core clenching more erratically, causing him to pick up the pace, but maintaining a steady rhythm. his tongue flicks at your clit just right, making you squeeze your eyes shut and tighten the grip on his hair.
“s-san,” you let out. “i’m gonna cum.”
he detaches from you briefly, still finger fucking you. “cum for me, baby, i want to taste you.” he immediately latches back onto you, eating you like his life depends on it.
you feel a wave of pleasure wash over your body, feeling like chills. you’re shaking now, unable to control the sheer amount of bliss your body is experiencing. you moan out to san, coming undone on his tongue. he continues to work at you, allowing you to ride out the entirety of your orgasm.
he finally disconnects from you, pulling out his fingers coated in your essence. he licks them clean, looking up at you with the same look of desire. he stands up, promptly placing his lips on yours in a passionate kiss. you can taste yourself on his fucked-out lips, and it makes it that much hotter. you can hear him fumbling with his belt, and your hands reach down to help. you place your palm over his bulge, it twitching at the contact.
san separates from you, letting out a heavy sigh. he pulls himself out from his underwear, rubbing the tip at your spent pussy. he looks down and lets a string of his spit hit his throbbing cock, spreading it around the expanse of it with his hand. he angles himself into you, and slowly starts pushing in. you gasp at the size, him stretching you out much more than his fingers initially did. he takes it slow, acknowledging the whimpers leaving your lips.
once he’s fully inside, he groans. “god, you’re so fucking tight.”
he watches himself enter you as he starts rolling his hips into you. he places a hand on the back of your neck, pushing you towards him for a messy kiss. he starts to pick up his pace, earning a sharp hiss on his lips in between kisses.
“you feel so good,” he murmurs to you. “i knew you would feel good.”
you moan in response, completely unable to form any words. all you know is that the stretch of his cock is deliciously painful, and the sweet kisses he’s peppering over your neck gives you goosebumps all over. you can’t even believe this is happening right now, that your fantasy of fucking your maintenance man is coming true, and it feels even better than you imagined.
“you wanted this so bad,” san teases, continuing to piston into you. “for me to fuck you like this. you probably imagined it, touching yourself the moment i left.”
and he’s right, you found yourself needy and horny after every visit he made. you couldn’t stop yourself from grabbing your vibrator and pretending he was the one fucking you, not yourself. but the feeling of the real thing was much different, much more euphoric. to have his chest heaving in front of you, sweat beading on his temple, desperate energy emanating from his body, saying i want to have all of you.
suddenly, he lifts you from the kitchen counter, holding your thighs firmly with his cock still in you. something about the fact that he can completely hold you up, still bouncing you on him even… you feel like his little play toy that he’s throwing around. he takes you to the bedroom, dropping you down on your bed and landing on top of you.
he wastes no time in sliding back into you, desperate to continue feeling your tight walls around him. his body is hovering over yours, your legs tangled as he thrusts into you. he pecks around your neck, hand ghosting over your throat as if seeking permission. you place your hand over his, allowing him to choke you until you’re lost in a euphoric haze.
his thrusts become more intense and forceful, each stroke sending chills down your spine as his length reaches deeper inside you. you swear you’re shaking the whole bed, the headboard repeatedly slamming against the wall. you’re so clouded by pleasure that you barely even notice he’s fucking you so hard that he’s pushing a dent into the wall from your bed frame.
“i can fix that,” san whispers with a smile, not even bothering to stop.
you let out a chuckle, then press a soft kiss to his lips. his hips begin to slow, as though he’s really taking his time to melt into you, to feel every part of you. he then lifts up to hit a new angle inside you, gripping your waist and slamming your hips into his with powerful, deliberate motions. you move your hand to your clit, feeling your walls tighten around his throbbing cock. your vision blurs, tears starting to well up in your eyes from the overwhelming pleasure.
“you gonna cum for me?” san asks, sensing the irregular pulsing of your core. you nod up at him, eyebrows furrowed and lip caught between your teeth. “cum on my cock, baby, let me feel you.”
your orgasm builds to a peak and then cascades over you, sending you into a state of pure bliss. san is still fucking into you, extending your orgasm while still chasing his own. it’s not until his hips begin to falter that you feel him shoot ropes of his cum into you, filling you completely. his moans echo yours, his hips gradually slowing until he finally comes to a stop.
he pulls out of you, falling next to you on the bed. the room is filled with the sound of your heavy breathing as it gradually returns to a normal pace. you look at each other, smiling with a shared understanding of the unexpected moment you just experienced. he wraps his arm around you, drawing your head to his chest to where you can hear his heartbeat.
“sooo…” you chuckle softly, pointing at the dent in your wall. “you’re gonna fix that, right?”
san grins, pulling you closer. “i mean, i can, but then i’d have no reason to come back tomorrow.”
“now that i think of it,” you say, chuckling. “i think there’s probably a few more things that could be fixed…”
“anything you need,” he says. “anything.”
a/n: guys this was so fun to write, i hope u enjoyed it too!! something about san lately oml... plz leave feeback as i'm new to writing, and reblog to support me! it motivates me to write more!
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ive reached the point where the amount of posts per hour that i see on my dash is becoming overwhelming but i dont want to unfollow anyone bc i follow such cool ppl.....
#smudgy.txt#idk why im like this when theres lots of ppl posting at once its like im in a room & a bunch of ppl are talking#maybe i just need to log off for a bit but idk what else to do besides [list of things that would definitely be good for me to do rn]#listen im in stuck brain rn & girlie wants some mindless scrolling#in the morning ill have to make Phone Calls & figure out how tf i'll be getting to my docs appointment tomorrow. ughhhhhh#ig i could get up to get a snack at least. maybe do some paper drawing to get away from the screens......
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