#maybe its there and i just cant find it idk | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lebensmudewing · 3 days ago

Text

This is worse

Trigger warning: birthing fetish

My birth video ended up on a fetish subreddit because of my husband

Throwaway. Although my husband will probably see this here anyway. Maybe this can be the conversation starter?? I don't know! I just need to get this out somewhere and have people validate that my feelings aren't crazy!

I'm sorry if this is all over the place. I am a mess.

My (F33) husband (M36) is the most wonderful and caring person I've ever met in my life. I thought. Almost overbearingly sweet. He's always concerned with how I'm doing, how I'm feeling, how is my mental health. He's an excellent father to our two children as well.

I had a difficult birth with my first child. My hospital experience was bad. I felt traumatized afterwards. When I got pregnant with my second, I knew that, barring any issues, I wanted a homebirth. My husband was all for it. He's a nurse, so I felt doubly safe with him plus my midwife to support me.

The midwife filmed and we also had a professional photographer taking pictures. Everything went great. It was so emotional and beautiful. I'm trying not to give too many details away since it's apparently available to ANYONE for their viewing pleasure right now.

I have been pretty possessive of that birth tape. I never uploaded it anywhere. After I downloaded it onto my computer from our camera's sim card, I uploaded it to a USB, deleted it off my computer, and I keep it in a little "hope chest" to watch when I'm feeling sentimental. It is so beautiful and important to me, and I wasn't interested in sharing it. I have several friends who put their whole birth on YouTube, but I wasn't interested in doing that. My birth didn't need to be shared with the world. It didn't need to be a teaching moment. It didn't need to exist to make others feel better. After my traumatic first birth, it was mine and i cherished it.

My husband didn't feel the same way and sometimes had light arguments with me about it. He was never pushy, but several times, when I would watch it, he would comment "this is such an excellent birth video! You are so happy and calm! I really think you should post this. Homebirths get such a bad rep and this could put so many women at ease." I would tell him absolutely not. This is private. Stop pestering me about it. Its my body. He eventually dropped it and hasn't brought it up since.

My husband and I have never been controlling. We don't have the passwords to each other's phones. I've never felt the need to check each other's phones or computers. I trust him implicitly. Well. I did anyway. I know he has a reddit. We both reddit pretty often. But i don't know his profile or what he does on here. Idk I've just never thought about it.

A few days ago, I was in one of my parenting subreddits and came across a disturbing thread about birth videos getting posted nonconsenually in a birth fetish subreddit. I thought to myself, that is exactly the reason I didn't want to post my birth video. The commenter posted the link to the fetish sub and I'll admit curiosity got the better of me and I went to look. I wanted to know if any of my friends videos wound up there so that I could tell them.

Well their videos DID wind up there. Every single one. The sub has several vast g drives linked to birth videos. But then I saw it. MY FUCKING BIRTH VIDEO. It looked like it had been a YouTube video at one point?? Idk I don't understand how this works. I cant find it on youtube anywhere, so idk. I'm so fucking ashamed and horrified. There is a closeup of...well EVERYTHING down there in a fucking fetish site. My baby taking his first breaths. Me breastfeeding. It doesn't even cut off after the birth. It shows my baby getting weighed, and just...held. If this is a birth fetish sub, why does it feature so much of just...my CHILD. This seems like waaayyyy more than just a birth fetish thing. Idek how to report the video.I reported the post and reddit says it doesn't violate anything.

I am bawling as I type this. Like wtf. Only ONE person knows where that tape is: my fucking husband. I don't even know how to broach this subject with him.

"Hey did you fucking violate my privacy and post OUR BABY'S BIRTH ONLINE, or did you submit it straight to a fetish site, because that's where it is right now."

I don't know what to do. I can't believe I even have to have this discussion. Wtf even if he didn't submit that video straight to the fetish site, he uploaded it somewhere else where they found it, and now his actions have led to THIS situation. He exposed ME to perverts online. He exposed our newborn infant to perverts online!!!

Our marriage will NOT survive this and I am a wreck. I should have known he had SICK intentions when he was being so weird about wanting me to post this. WHY? WHY WOULD HE DO THIS?? I'm not even that angry about those sickos seeing me, but every time I think of my sweet little baby's face in there...I feel like I'm going to throw up. Surely this is illegal?? Surely newborn babies can't be featured in content that people are...sexualizing!!! Can they?? I'm also just....absolutely gutted by the fact that so many other women have had this special moment bastardized by that sub. How many of them are in my shoes? Or my friends shoes. I'm horrified. Do I press charges against my husband?? I can't believe this is how my family is going to end. What will I even tell people. What will I tell my kids!!? Idek what to do!!

TLDR: Husband posted birth video online and it wound up on a fetish site. I don't know what to do.

Update: just a quick update. I left and took the kids to my mom's house. Idk how long we'll be here. I didn't tell my husband anything. I just wanted to get the kids the fuck away from him. Even if he didn't share that video directly with those creeps, I don't want him around them.

TLDR: Husband posted birth video online and it wound up on a fetish site. I don't know what to do.

Update to: birth video in a fetish subreddit

I just...need to vent I guess. This isn't a happy update.

As I mentioned in my last post, I went over to my mom's house. She was bewildered about why I was there. I couldn't fess up to the reason why I was so upset. I am still so embarrassed. I didn't want her to go looking for the damn video either. Thinking of my mom searching around a porn sub to find my BIRTH VIDEO made my skin crawl. I was hysterical. Still am. I couldn't really hide that. I just told her something bad had happened and we needed to stay for awhile. I'm going to have to tell her, but every time I think about doing it, I just start crying more. The situation is even more complicated now, so I'm just scared people will be mad at me for doing what I'm doing, even my own mom.

My husband called and texted over and over for hours. We haven't spent a night apart in years. I gave him no warning. I texted him once and said we were visiting my mom and would be back later, but that I needed a break. I was worried he'd call the police, but he didn't. He continued to text sporadically, pleading with me to talk with him about what was wrong.

I went back over to our house the next day around the time I figured he'd be off work. I took one of my mom's old phones and used it to record our whole interaction. Turns out he'd called out of work he was so distressed. He ran up to me and immediately started asking what was wrong, asking where the kids were etc. He was SO understandably upset. Seeing him like that just made me start crying too. When I started crying, he started crying. He tried to hug me and I stepped away which just made him more upset. It was such a mess. I was finally able to compose myself enough to ask him to watch a video on my phone. He was confused. More so when he realized it was my birth video. A few minutes in, he interrupted to ask why I was showing him. I ended the video, and a hundred other birth videos in the g file folder appeared. He still just looked confused. I exited the folder and pointed to the name of the sub I was in. He took my phone for a better look and I just started bawling and bawling. After a few minutes, he started raging about how we needed to mass report the post and call the FBI and blah blah blah. He kept repeating "we'll fix this. Holy fuck. This is so sick." I tried to get his attention by asking "how did they get that video?" But he just kept pacing around ranting. I just started repeating over and over "how did they get it!?" Until I was screaming at the top of my lungs. He eventually stopped and just stared at me. Neither of us said anything for a long time.

He started crying and told me that he had started a "Daddy Blog" a year after our first was born. He posted about being a dad and eventually about his experience with my second pregnancy. He had posted the video on youtube to link to his blog. He felt like there wasnt enough resources out there for dads regarding pregnancy. He didn't know I didn't want it posted until a week or two after baby was here and I was so vehement about not posting it and getting it tucked securely away on a usb. It was up for about TEN fucking months before he finally took it down. He was waiting to see if I changed my mind, and was reluctant to remove it because he'd received so many messages from thankful dads about how educational and helpful his blog/vlogging was. I had 0 knowledge about this blog. I didnt even know people blogged anymore?? We had both expressed many times how we didn't want to create a massive digital footprint for our children because of SITUATIONS JUST LIKE FUCKING THIS, so I this is such a fucking weird surprise. There's hundreds of pictures of our family on this thing.

Anyway, we got into a huge argument about how this was a breech of trust and privacy. He maintained that he thought my reaction about not wanting the video posted was over the top, and how I never told him I didn't want to share it, how he didn't even think of it as a big deal because he deals with that kind of thing every day so it was just not a big deal to him and blah blah blah. His excuses were stupid and I don't care. My birth wound up on a fetish subreddit because of him and we are getting a divorce.

When I told him it was over, we had another big screaming match. He went through several different emotions. Crying, wailing, begging, and finally anger. I hadn't said ANYTHING about custody arrangements, or my plans besides divorce, but he started threatening full custody and how he was going to put up a huge fight, how it would just be "he said/she said," how he has the better job, etc. Whatever. I didn't tell him I recorded anything (legal in our state). I eventually just walked out.

So yeah. That's where I'm at today. I need to consult with a lawyer about what comes next. I am moving as quickly as I possibly can. Sitting down to write this update was probably a stupid move, but I received SO many heartfelt messages from people concerned for me that it felt necessary. I honestly just...needed to vent and have people tell me I'm not crazy or awful for doing what I'm doing. I told a few friends, and they all just seem...weird. They're concerned about the videos I found in the fetish group, but nobody has reassured me that I'm making the right moves in regards to the situation.

I am in an incredibly bad place right now. I'm worried I'm making the wrong decision. Do i let him see the kids?? I don't know what to tell my family. I don't know if i need to contact the police. I don't know if i want to. The most stupid part of me wishes I could call my best friend and talk to him about it, but uh...yeah I'm divorcing him. What a stupid feeling to miss him so badly and knowing that I will never be with him again. I just keep thinking that I'm doing something stupid, and i feel like so many people will see it that way.

On top of everything, my birth video is just...in a fucking fetish sub. Every time I think about that, I get choked up. I've reported it a million times in just the few days since I posted. I've made alts to try and report. I've had friends report. My other friends,with their birth videos ALSO posted non-consenually in there, have tried reporting. It doesn't matter. I sent the link to the FBI. It doesn't even really matter anyway. They're g drives. If the post got removed, if the whole sub was removed, my video is still in the possession of some sicko using it for fap material. My baby's sweet little face in there...I am sick. I am defeated.

They have a post up in the sub about how their previous group was removed because of pedophile content. No shit. No fucking shit. Your fetish inherently involves children. They ask that "karens" please leave them alone now. They acknowledge that pedophiles lurk in their sub, yet continue to steal content with children in it for sexual purposes. I do not understand how something like this is legal. I don't know how many other dark places on the internet my video has ended up.

The most special moment of my life is now just this fucking smear of shit all because I decided to try and capture it for memory's sake. Something that was supposed to bring me unending joy, now leaves me weeping. I keep looking at my sweet toddler and just...breaking down. He didn't deserve this. I wish I could go back and never have recorded that video. I took my USB and fucking smashed it into a million pieces just to feel like I did something. I am tired.

There's not going to be another update for awhile. I am in a very dark place.

Link

he needs to die

#radblr #radical feminist safe #radical feminism #radical feminists do touch #radical feminist community #radfeminism #rad fem #feminism #radfem friendly

2K notes · View notes

lilac-set · 21 hours ago

Text

Sentence in a post i just saw:

“manhood ONLY exists as the antithesis of transfemininity. men are a class that only exists because they are not trans women, which they define by inferiority, frivolousness, superficiality, inhumanity, perversion, and subordination”

Fuckin. what

- a cistrans intersex man

#what the hell are you on that you dont think ‘man’ is a gender #its basic biology! everyone knows theres only ONE gender (trans woman)#youre either a trans woman or a misogynist apparently #what the FUCK is this #the original post was trying to make two points #the first was that as a trans woman she somehow has the right to misgender men (cis or trans. it didnt specify #maybe she just meant cis men and thought cis was the default or forgot trans men existed)#idk. either way her point was that misgendering and harassing men is fine because shes somehow earned it by being subjected to transmisogyny #i know im coming at this from an intersex perspective rather than a cis dyadic male one #but hey did you know being coercively assigned labels is fucking TRAUMATIC #you dont get to call people trannies and faggots just because you identify as a tranny and a faggot #i dont remember what the second point was now. my app crashed so i cant easily find the post ro reread #this bit im quoting wasnt actually a main message. just a weird little aside #it was bizarre #lilac posts #vent post #cw transandrophobia #cw androphobia #masculinity that isnt toxic and people choose and enjoy does exist

15 notes · View notes

pochx · 1 year ago

Text

man it's kinda ugly out here......

#the latest update to desktop tumblr i mean #anyway i kinda dont like my professors and wish the semester were over #like man wdym u want 'detailed notes' for everything we read and u want me to submit them? what am i in high school?#and dont forget the inconsistent seemingly random assignment schedule and zero communication #just random annoying assignments #maybe its there and i just cant find it idk #and thats only 1 professor ack anyway time to do it ig #but also stop having discussion posts and replies due on the same day wtf is wrong w u

0 notes

enemywasp · 2 months ago

Text

I HATE tiktok and the Internet in general rn for the obsession with "oh this person's smellyyy" "Brother it STINKS over here" "BOO 💧🧼🧽🚿" and stuff like that. I wish I could put into words how demeaning and patronising that whole idea is and people implying anyone they don't like doesn't wash.

For one there's something grating about being insulted in a manner like we're in nursery again. But also WHY is that the go to insult. Why do you associate these things? Especially to those you deem "chronically online". Like I don't want to sound pathetic but it feels so nasty to me.

is it extreme to say this feels tied to ableism? And classism too?

#“take a shower” me sitting here with depression and no will to even move rn. That doesnt make me feel worse or anything #dry to wet change is also evil. and i get decision paralysis a lot and just struggle to motivate myself to do basic human tasks #and thats just me #what about the people with physical disabilities that struggle to find the energy and strength to do these things #And also like environmental factors too?#like kids can be unhygienic cause they arent being cared for and learning properly #people with learning disabilities and neurodiversity too may struggle with not being taught properly as its a “basic thing everyone knows”#people are homeless karen.#people cant afford to wash regularly #people grow up or are forced to live in unhygienic places and surrounded by smokers and alcoholics #people who are smokers and alcoholics and generally people with addiction can smell #people with health issues that cause them to sweat more #Like the list goes on #but idk maybe I'm just sensitive #anti anti #profiction #proship #neurodivergent #cringe culture #ableism #classism

256 notes · View notes

ganondoodle · 2 months ago

Text

the company i work for decided that its switching from the german formal "You"(Sie) to the informal "you" (Du) in all of our websites so now we have to scour the entire database to change it and i quite frankly hate that, not just bc the unecessary extra work but especially bc its such a weird and unecessary change

i bet its bc everything here is getting englishfied (both literally and culturally it feels like, when my new boss talks its half in english bc every second german word is just replaced by an english one despite there being perfectly fine words for it in german too, its so annoying) and bc they want to sound more personal in hopes of getting more clients bc 'company is your fwiend uwu!!', i know this here is the amercian tm site so you wouldnt understand really but i do not want to be greeted with 'du' by companies, no, thats too personal, you dont know me and im not giving you my data, stay away!!

i guess thats how i would describe it .. the formal you is like a polite distance, like someone you dont know staying outside your personal space, but when its the informal 'you' it feels invasive unless i told you you can call me that, and that goes double for companies

maybe its a small thing that doesnt seem important but i cant stand it, im just a little part time worker doing data work so i got no say in it but the companies founder also announced hes giving his post to his kids some time ago so ...... since then theres been alot of changes and new projects that solely aim to imitate whats popular and whats done by other companies, despite ours being one that is, or used to be, intentionally different, like, that was the POINT, but i guess chasing trends is just too appealing for CEOs

#ganondoodles talks #personal #rare personal rant #theres more and more changes that feel so weirdly forced #like man #i thought being different was the whole point #like climate and ethics are .. or were .. the core idea and now i guess its just fine to do whatever conventional companies are doing #yeah woohoo lets also do an app thing that forces people to sign up if they want reasonable prices!#smartphones the standard everwhere!#who needs anything physical if you can put it in an a phone so syphon off data directly out of people fingertips!! yea!!!#lets use AI pitcures bc we refuse to hire more graphic desingers and they are jsut so overworked uwu #climate? ethic? whats that #argh #sorry this needed to get out #recently had a stupid conversation with a coworker bc i asked them why we are okay with AI shit now when it goes against what this-#company was presumably founded on #and he was rly defensive and said welll we dont have time and its cheap and also maybe we should got WITH the time #like that last thing especially pissed me tf off #but i cant afford to lose this job #im starting to hate it more though so the dream of being able to stay like this might not be real #i cant get a job in this place that is as nice to my mental health so idk man #i wish i was good enough at merch and online stuff so i could live of that #but even trying to find out how taxes work on that stuff is a nightmare to me

89 notes · View notes

skunkes · 4 months ago

Text

#a doodley #okkk 2022: the torture chamber....i only sparsely drew al and developed talon (he was borned...) bc my mind was occupied with other things.#2023: exiting torture chamber; it took me a tiny little bit to get back to drawing and ''interacting with'' al again but i did it even #though it was a reminder of the Bad bc he's my copium #summer 2023: i view and witness media and suddenly have like 5 fictional men i cant decide on which to focus... and september (talon month)#comes along so I decide to focus on Talon after not touching him much at all throughout the entire year #(forced this btw i did not wanna do it LOL i didnt even remember how to draw him)#september 2023 to now: talon has infiltrated the brain. but i want to swivel back to al #now: i've forgotten how to Talk to al (just like i did in beginning of 2023)#(and just like i forgot how to talk to talon for most of 2023)#so ive kind of just been replaying the smunker cow al daydreams from when they first met #so I can find my way back...retracing my steps #in doing so ive kind of also forgotten how to interact with talon but still havent gotten back to al #so rn my life is so boring without imaginary bf interactions. just the before sleep plot rehashing daydreams...#or sparse visions of em Sometimes #nobody in my brain rn just like the short period last yr and its distressing #what do i draw without a love obsession.....#how do i pass time without it....! so boring. idk what to do #i miss the me of several yrs ago when i was drawing 50 different aus with al....ive downgraded in skill and imagination and creativity #so bad since then. idk. idk. i hope they come back to me soon #maybe i shld just draw al a lot which is how i kickstarted caring abt talon again almost a yr ago ?#hoping i can get him to come back before my surgery i need my big sexy boy nurse for recovery #(complaining abt things usually fixes em for me so im hoping thats the case here)

90 notes · View notes

xxplastic-cubexx · 1 month ago

Text

chat i think im gonna be sick

(Powers of X #6)

#xmen #xmen comics #powers of x #charles xavier #snap scans #snap chats #moira stronger than me like ik why we here we're gonna die if not and so that is why she is stronger than me she is committing #i woulda kissed him in this moment too tho she and i are family on that front im afraid i do find him very cute #also. SIDE TANGENT. i loved the art before this of charles slowly processing the horrors of moiras mind ...#EXCELLENT art i must eat it at once #the most devious part of this is after i finished reading i went to go to my brother to talk about What I Read #and the second i pulled up like 'his sad eyes Brother im gonna be sick' he immediately quoted this page I HATE IT HERE #thats why they had to put that dome over charles' eyes so no one could look at his sad eyes anymore #this is in fact something i love and always love seeing but it still hurts i will not LIIIEEE #cant wait to read bout how this all goes horribly wrong ....#while my bro and i were talkin we were talkin bout other in-between stories an i wanna check those out at some point ...#maybe ill check my comic shop sometime in the future idk. for now im gonna throw up !!!!!!!!!!#i will simply spend tomorrow watching the rest of 92 im almost done with it. relatively speaking i will feel healed then probably #i got like two seasons left which is basically the same length as season 3 and then its onto 97 #thats just one season for now so ... should finish that quick ..#ok bye i have Being Sick to be

52 notes · View notes

trebuchet151 · 2 months ago

Text

This is jumping the queue bc some really cool people reblogged my last post of Corey and they escaped containment.

Updated sidestep design perpetual WIP

Sidestep days vs retribution. They're slowly reacquiring their self expression. Next book will probably be the full return of the scene/punk look

Bonus Corey sans most of their clothing to show off their tattoos under the cut. CW for healed SH scars

Yes that is Ortega's bedroom yes I half assed it. I drew this background in my car at work when it was like 110 degrees idgaf

#listen. i was a teenager in 2013. that sidestep outfit design is 99% shit i owned and wore lmao #corey is all my middle school angst condensed into one character #PLEASE zoom in theres so many tiny details in the outfits and the backgrounds i love drawing that shit #scavenger hunt: the lighting themed jewelry. the secondhand ipod anathema gifted them. the doodles on their shoes.#definitely think ortega kept some of sidesteps things after they died. they were besties #no chance sides didnt leave anything of theirs at ortega's place #ortega kept coreys ipod and battle jacket #hasnt given the battle jacket back yet though just the ipod #corey also plays guitar #themmy taught them and the rangers got them their 1st guitar as a joint xmas gift . Obv ortega held onto that too #throwing yourself into edgy aesthetics and musicianship works in place of therapy in a pinch. i would know #finally broke out of my “cant write music” block by projecting too hard onto corey. maybe ill post my music on here eventually idk #my art #fallen hero #fallen hero rebirth #fallen hero retribution #sidestep #corey rook #the uncanny valley look to their face wasnt deliberate but it does suit them so its fine #giant blue eyes and creepy big smile my beautiful unsettling baby #me and corey got two settings: horrendous rbf and eldritch nightmare grin #hand drawing that linkin park shirt instead of just pulling a design from the internet was a labor of love #you bet your ass corey and I are fuckin stoked about their new album #put The Emptiness Machine in their playlist immediately after finding out it exists #this character is very dear to me if that werent clear by the massive wall of tags #if you read this far thanks babes i love you <3

33 notes · View notes

transdimensional-haboob · 7 days ago

Text

Au where the diners cat is just: verge

#midnight burger #we open at six #au where theyre part of the gang i want it so bad #look......... if they cant find leif then they cant find verge ok? my logic isnt sound its just naive and hopeful for them to be dumb #“they” as in the teds or like anyone hopping around after lief and not specifically the diner because hes a “not” pirate evading his crimes #against the ted empire #au in my head too where diedre is at the diner part time and adventures the triad with her cool partner with 4 arms #idk maybe i might write out my delusion i mean idea

21 notes · View notes

puppyeared · 10 months ago

Text

i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona #its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around #one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them #making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth #i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since #memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an #association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont #fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell #on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one #dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong #despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them #interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing #i struggle find a balance between those two things #actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of #her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard #or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard #although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh #yapping #oc talk #oc

105 notes · View notes

gooopy · 18 days ago

Text

This is NOT fair or reasonable or anytging more than the most minor of minor gripes. BUT!!!! i see people mimicking disco elysium portrait styles and they all feel so clear.... i get that in your art you want it to make sense and be easy to see the character AND i get that you cant always have a specific persons pov in mind for whos 'viewing' the portrait. But! I feel like people sometimes put some shapes and colors behind the head and call it a day? But i feel like a lot of the look of the portraits is determined by how harry percieves the character! Everyone knows theres a halo behind kims head, but what about how less narratively important characters arent as clear sometimes? How idiot doom spirals face is smudged and broken? How we never see the coalition airship aecher so the microphone hides their face and its more like metaphorical?? Guys get silly! How would the character be percieved??? Your art is lovely but come ON it woukd be so awesome... especially if you considered the pov.......... pleas.........

#Again this is such a nothingburger thing to care about #BUT!!!!! i think it would be more interestinf!#also what spawned this is a saw someone make mouthwashong de portraits #just anya and curly. and it was such beautiful stunning art and i havw no doubt there was a lot of intention put behind it #BUT!!!! i really felt like curlys especially was way way way too clear. it looked beautiful #i cant find a way to make this seem fair im so sorry the art was so good so wonderful and theyre immensly skilled #but i would do it differently #AND also this is now just me going 'well if IIIII did it...' but whatevs #if i thought it was meant to be like jimmys pov i would have done both curlys but especially anyas differently #maybe have anya obscured or turned away or smaller. make the background red and pink woth hints of yellow #like a womb like a mother like infection in skin etc #and i would have curly with the background stained red like his sheets and mouth hanging open #background hard to distinguish from the foreground and almost blinding in its redness #though from another characters pov i would have made it pre-accident curly with the left side of his face obscured #either red or white shading there hiding it and his right eye clearer and looking towards the viewer #idk. again the art was good but i want more weird de portraits PLEAAAAS

13 notes · View notes

oifaaa · 1 year ago

Text

I honestly don't know how people who care about spoilers handle life on the internet

#idk maybe its just me #but even if i dont give a single fuck about the media in question #i find myself learning stuff about it #which as someone who doesn't give a fuck about spoilers is grand #but man do i feel bad for people who cant enjoy things if they get spoiled about major plot points #anyway im thinking about this rn #bc as some of you know im watching one piece rn #and a character just got introduced #who i know before i even knew their name #is going to die #and i just thought that was funny

91 notes · View notes

deoidesign · 20 days ago

Note

Can you make a tutorial on how you world build and make ocs? I can't seem to make any people in my brain, but then when I try to come up with environments jobs, beliefs and little details to slowly come up with someone, I think: well I don't really know how people have influenced the world- it's a weird loop

To be honest, I don't think I can! Writing is an extremely personal process. The way I write is directly related to how I process things, what I find important in stories, years of my own analysis of my and other's writing, etc... The way you write will be unique to you, as well. But I can explain how I personally think of it.

The short answer:

Write. Write anything and everything, it's a tool to explore your ideas. Analyze your own writing, and write more. Then, as you discover which ideas you want to develop, write more to explore them more. You won't know what you want otherwise!

The long answer:

I think this kind of loop is common. It's easy to feel like everything needs to be done "at once," because our job as writers is to make elements logically fit with each other for our readers. But as you've discovered, developing multiple elements simultaneously isn't really possible, or at least is extremely difficult.

Personally, when I think of writing, I break it into three major elements; characters, world, and plot. As much as possible every scene explores one or more of these, and as much as possible these three things tie back into what I personally consider most important: theme.

Everything I do is in service of the themes I want to present. Without them my events feel aimless. It can take a while to discover them, but they're the core of my work. You will have to discover what you feel is the core of yours. Analyzing other media helps with this too.

Concepts in your brain exist in a state of infinite potential. But when you start writing you have to start making choices, which removes potential as you move forward... But you have to move forward anyways. If there's ideas you want to explore later, you can always explore them later.

What this ends up meaning, to answer your question, is that I don't think of my characters as "people in my brain" or my worlds as something people have influenced... Not at their core, at least. They are tools that I use to represent specific ideas. Obviously they're also my blorbos, but mostly they're serving a specific narrative purpose.

So above all else... Write. Write, and discover what you're writing about, and then start over and write with that in mind. Keep doing this. But you have to write!

#I wish there were a cleaner answer to this kind of thing #and I also wish that there were a way to answer that didnt feel like 'just do it lol'#but... genuinely you kind of just have to do it!#I find it helps to reframe writing as trying to figure out which ideas I don't like #then if I write anything that feels bad to me #it's not about being a bad writer or anything like that. it's just something I dont want in my story and I delete it.#like if you find yourself naturally coming up with worldbuilding elements. its okay to just start there!#you can start like 'I really want giant mushrooms' and then start thinking about how cool that would be #and like oooh what if there were really cool caves full of mushrooms and all glowy yeaaah #then you start building people from that. colonies of fungal people or something. this is still worldbuilding #then you might think now. whats a plot that could go with this and show off my cool mushrooms.#maybe the mushrooms are all connected and the main one is dying and no one knows why. it's a classic plot.#if you still dont feel like you can find a character in that. keep going! why is it dying? how can it be saved? can it? if not then why?#etc etc etc. when I am writing I actually ltierally write out 101 questions like this as I'm going and then I answer them #and if I cant answer them. then I figure out a different situation that doesnt bring that question up LMFAO #eventually you can decide you want a hero who idfk will replace the big mushroom or something. a sacrifice and immortality simultaneously #then you can be like yeah so my themes are probably about sacrifice. connection to others. love for your community. stuff like that #and then you can go back to your world and say. yeah I think that people should have telepathic communication on some level!#I'm just making all this up right now but I just want to illustrate somehow how this kind of cyclical process can actually be a tool #because it's not about getting it all right at once. its about leaning into the cycle and how it guides you through developing these #anyways idk if this makes any sense. if this doesnt feel like it works for you then it probably literally doesnt #but writing more and analyzing writing more is ALWAYS good #it will never make your writing worse to do those things.#unfortunately (said with all the love in the world) writing is an endless process of learning more about who you are and what you care abou #its wonderful but it's hard and theres no way to skip that process #good luck!#asks #anon #writing stuff #oh also if at any point you go hm. that big thing isnt working for me I think...

11 notes · View notes