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end-of-reset · 4 years ago

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Written Special, A Blast From the Past

3-year-old Chara finds the only adult in the house injured.

This is NOT NECESSARY for understanding the story, it is just for fun, and it was a blast to write baby Chara’s thought process. They are very silly and very adorable. Let me know if you liked this!

TWs: blood, injury, hospital mention, pregnancy mentions

”Appa” is their dad and “Halabeoji” and is their grandfather.

He was taking WAY too long to get that drink.

No drink took this long. And if it did, it had better be a really good drink. Like the canned stuff that Chara wasn’t allowed to have anymore because they “set the floor on fire” and “ate an entire book” and “banged on the piano for five hours” like those were bad things.

Okay, eating the book wasn’t such a good idea. It made their stomach hurt. But that’s the reason normal drinks exist! They don’t end with obscene energy highs and book eating.

Hmmm...

Chara slapped their hands on the wall. Bang, bang, bang. Their irritation grew more and more with each slap of their tiny hands. “HAaaaaalll-AAAHB-OHHHHjeee…” The wall rang hollow. No grandfather. No comfort.

Chara wiggled in place, bouncing their upper body until the springs creaked. All this noise, and still nothing? Sheisse.

Chara tried bouncing one last time. The springs creaked weakly. Ugh! It was the bed’s fault, really. It didn’t bounce, it didn’t make as much noise... But the crib was for little kids, and Chara was one of the big kids now.

Just not in size. M-e-t-a-p-h-o-r.

This big kid bed wasn’t exactly fun, though. It didn’t have the little bars like the crib did. Chara got to gnaw on those bars and hit toys on them. They could be SO loud using those bars! This new bed just had pillows and those tasted like spit after too much chewing. Boring!

Chara stood up. “WHERE ARE YOUUUU. HELLO?”

No answer.

Chara tried again, and again, and again, shifting through all the languages they could use so far. “<WHERE ARE YOU?>” They repeated.

Nobody came.

Chara frowned. “Where are you?” they tried using their inside voice, but there was no answer. If Chara used the inside voice, people HAD to answer. Otherwise, what was the point of the inside voice?

…No, really…. why didn’t anyone answer?

Halabeoji told Chara that everyone was gone because the new babies were trying to come early. Just like Chara, but even earlier, and there’s TWO of them, so the hospital had to make them them stop. The grown-ups all thought Chara didn’t know the babies were coming out of Mother, but Chara knew. They read about it. The babies were gonna be squeezed out and look like little raisin people. Everyone looked like raisin people at first, and then they get stretchy when they grew up. Would Chara get stretchy and tall, too? Must investigate later.

Hmm... The only other person in the house was Chara’s sister. She was stuck in her room, probably pouting. She was being all grumpy again! And she’d even got a DRESS as a gift from Halmeoni. Mother didn’t like that very much, but Chara could see their sister’s eyes light up over the frilly piece of fabric. Sure, it was pretty and looked like it tasted like candy, but could it make noise? Could it talk? If not, it was useless.

But she liked it.

And yet, not even the dress could save her mood once Mother went to the hospital. Maybe ‘cause the babies were getting all the attention. It was always about attention.

“MIN-MIN!” Chara yelled. “YOU THERE?”

No answer.

Chara took a deep breath. “MIN-MIN…. MINNIEEEEEE…. MIN-MIN MINNIE MIN MIIIN……..”

She finally had enough after a round of this. “What do you WANT?!“ she yelled, her voice coming back high-pitched and angry despite the muffling walls.

"WHERE’S HALABEOJI?”

“I DUNNO! YOU ASK HIM! DON’T ASK ME!”

Chara heard a door slam. Uh, oh, Min-Min sure was lucky Mother and Appa weren’t home. Or she’d be in big trouble for that.

Hey…why didn’t Halabeoji say anything? He didn’t like loud noises, either… and he didn’t like when Min or Chara were yelling.

Chara hit the wall again, mindlessly. Well. Since nobody was coming, Chara would come to him.

They slid off their bed, wobbling slightly when their feet hit the ground. Walking still felt a little funny sometimes. Their legs weren’t used to holding their body upright all the time.... Crawling was easier and it looked like Chara was a bug, which made it even more fun.

They could pretend to be a spy bug and steal Min’s dolls for future torture and/or chewing. The dolls were brightly colored and smelled like fruit, okay. There was fruit somewhere in the darn things… And someday, Chara would find it and eat it.

Chara dropped down from their bed and scrambled to the door, pushing it open and peering out.

Silence.

Schweigen, silenco, chimmug...

“Haaaaalaaaabeeeeoooojiii?” They tried again.

“Stop YELLING!” Their sister yelled herself- oh, was that i-r-o-n-y?- and kicked her wall loudly. She was across from Chara’s room, so they saw the wall shudder with her tiny, weak little kicks. Later they would show her how to really kick a wall. She probably wouldn’t listen, because she never did, but they could at least say they tried.

Sigh, why were big sisters LIKE this?

“Where is he?” Chara asked. “He not answering!”

“Why would he wanna? You ANNOYING.”

“No, no, Min-Min, yooooooou’re in-se-cure,” Chara stuck their tongue out. “Un-sich-er...”

“Whazzat mean...”

“I-N-S-E-C-U-R-E~ It means you-”

“I DON’T CARE!”

There was a muffled scream. Probably into her pillow. She did that a lot when she was having a tantrum. She didn’t know that she should be biting the pillows instead of screaming into them. Biting felt much better sometimes.

The wall shook one last time before everything went quiet.

Chara pulled themself to their feet.

They looked around and walked down the hallway, wobbly on their legs but managing to remain standing.

Hmm. The house was NEVER this quiet. Maybe Chara could listen... and try to hear him. Like a dog. Like the neighbors giant dog that was Chara’s actual best friend (unlike Grandmother’s cat... the one that hated Chara.) Chara’s nose wasn’t like a dog’s nose, but maybe if they tried to listen…

Chara cupped their hands around their ears.

This was more like a dog. They pretended to be a dog like this a lot.

They’d probably sneak up and surprise Halabeoji when they found him. Maybe not TOO big a surprise, but a little fun one.

As they listened, there it was- haggard breathing. Chara put their hands down and scurried after the noise, sticking their tongue out and imagining they were tasting the air, like a snake. A dog-snake, that was cool.

The scent of metal hit them first- straight up their nose, so intense they thought their tongue was ACTUALLY tasting it. Chara slowed, closing their mouth. Metal....

That could be something scary. Or it could be their grandfather playing. Either way, they were on edge until they reached the kitchen. They turned the corner, and-- OW! Chara stumbled , catching themself on the wall. They turned to look at what nearly tripped them... some legs?

Chara let their gaze travel up the expanse of the long, long legs. When their eyes reached the white button-up, they knew who it was. Their grandfather’s fallen body- facedown and still.

Chara frowned.

“Hello! Hello,” they repeated, grabbing his pant leg and shaking it. “Hello? You are asleep during drink time! S’pposed to be back now!”

He didn’t answer. Chara moved forward, stopping stiffly as red filled their vision. Ah, that was blood? All around his head and the floor… smelling so intensely of sweet metal.

And their feet felt warm.

Chara looked down.

Chara had never seen so much blood. And now it was ON them. Huh. Was it supposed to be so… Thick? It felt warm between their toes, its copper scent wafting up to their nose and filling it with the strong scent of pennies. Chara didn’t know that much about bodies or about blood, but their mind still shivered slightly from the pervasive feeling of wrongness.

“Blood... ‘s blood.” Chara mumbled. Blut, pi, ketsueki... “Bleeding is bad… That how things die.”

What should they do? Tell Min-Min? No, she would just scream. Screaming wasn’t fun unless Chara was doing it. Min always had to be dramatic about it... Tears and everything.

Chara paused, remembering something they read.

“If you bleed lots, you die forever…”

Then he’d go away. Chara didn’t want that! They liked him and his stories and big hands and big shoes the size of Chara’s whole leg. Maybe if it was someone else. If Min went away, that wouldn’t be too bad, because she was always whiny. Was there a way to replace her with him? Wait, then everyone would be sad because Min-Min was dead. Chara didn’t want that, either. Hmm.

He was still breathing, right? So he wasn’t dead, but hurt. Maybe he broke a bone in his head.

Chara kept watching, squinting. If he was dead, then his SOUL would be showing. It wasn’t, so he had to still be alive...

If only they could see it. Chara didn’t know how to see SOULs yet. This is why Mother should be teaching them! What if someone else died or bled in front of Chara? They needed to be able to DO something about it!

Maybe there was something else Chara could do.....What could help? Maybe the hospital. Hospitals fix people who might die. Did that mean the auto shop where Auntie worked was a hospital? Must investigate later.

Chara stepped back. The hospital was HALFWAY across the village... it was a WHOLE four kilometers away. Chara could maybe walk that distance if they tried really, really hard, but they couldn’t drag Halabeoji ALL that way. He’d get blood EVERYWHERE, and people would want to ask about that! Then everyone would ask about how Mother was doing, and look at how BIG Chara’s getting, what’s their favorite color- all DUMB questions.

No, walking wouldn’t work. Chara needed to call someone for help... They had to call the emergency number that told the hospital to send an ambulence to their house. If they made the call, the people would be here really quickly, and they’d probably want to talk about boring stuff, but at least they’d get Halabeoji to the hospital and fix him before his SOUL fell out.

Or his brain. Whichever came first.

Chara looked around the kitchen. There, there it was- The house phone had been carefully hung up on the wall a good five feet from the ground and away from the easily-climbable counters. Chara eyed it. They’d only used that phone once. One time. Uno, ichi, il, eins...

Hmmm... All the other phones they’d used were flippy ones. Those phones were all dead and didn’t do anything. As long as Chara “didn’t throw them across the goddamn room AGAIN” then they got to play with them.

That rule was dumb. These phones didn’t let Chara call anyone any other way. They had to be used as noisemakers if they were meant to be of any use!

Though… it was fun to pretend to talk to someone about how smelly big sisters were.

Especially when the conversation took place in front of a big sister. Oh, hello, friendly dead snake that Chara found in the basement that will make Mother scream later, did you know lil’ Mini Minnie Min-Min took foooooreeeeever to be potty trained? Guess who learned how to use it at 2 and a half years. No, obviously it wasn’t Min, she could never! Hey, hey, Did you know the word for snake in German was schlange? It sounded like a bad word. What if Min knew there was a schlange within 20 feet of her? She’d cryyyyy…

Yup, phones were easy stuff. And the number for phone emergencies was the easiest.

Chara scurried over to the neatly organized table and grabbed an adult chair. The one made out of sticks, not wood blocks, because the others were too heavy to push. Chara had tried. They could knock over the high-chair, but it made lots of noise and then Chara got yelled at. The kind of yelling that you aren’t allowed to yell back at.

They dragged it over to the well, grunting with exertion. Their legs were already feeling wobbly, but nothing like they used to. That’s because Chara PRACTICED until their legs got big and strong. They were gonna use their feet to break watermelons someday, like the lady on TV did. Chara puffed out when the chair was in place, eyeing their handiwork with a smug smile. Okay, stairs. Good.

They climbed up onto it and swiftly grabbed the phone. It was a smooth oblong object with glowing little numbers… so tiny and bright…

Chara blinked. A little light shone from the number screen at the top. The lights were very pretty. This must be the look of a phone that was alive. If they opened it, would it bleed, too? Would it light up even MORE? Chara raised their arm, about to throw it down- No, NO, wait! No, they needed it ALIVE.

For now.

Hmm. Last time they called Mother and Appa using this phone, it was because they learned how to say bad words in French (a gros mot) and wanted permission to say them to Min-Min.

Puis-je dire à Min de casse-toi....

The answer was no. Even though French was REALLY hard and Chara could barely learn it! Those two didn’t understand just HOW important it was that Chara said the bad words to Min. Sigh. Grown-ups...

And after that, they put the phone high out of Chara’s reach! Such a shame. It’s a good thing Chara was so strong and knew about chairs.

Chara pressed the buttons. They made fun noises, so fun that Chara almost kept pressing them just to hear the little music notes. Music was fun... this phone was like a tiny piano with far fewer keys! Keys that called people if you put in the right numbers.

9-1-1.

It rang for a single moment, then a voice rang out of it. Calls rarely took longer than a few rings here.

“Emergency services, how many I help you?”

“Hi.” Chara blinked. “I need am-buuuu-lens. You gotta send one.”

There was a pause. “U-um. How old are you, sweetie?”

The person must’ve realized Chara was little. They tried to make their voice sound deeper so they sounded bigger.

“Don’t need it for me. It for Halabeoji. He down on the floor and his head bloody.”

“….Have you told your Mama or Papa?”

“No. Them both at the hospital with you, making sure the babies don’t come out too fast.” Chara paused. “That would be bad,” they added, in case the phone person didn’t know. Sometimes grown-ups didn’t know simple things. That was okay, as long as they didn’t waste Chara’s time for TOO long.

“Yes, it would, um.. I’ve got your location, is this where you liv-”

Chara didn’t let the person finish. They didn’t need the other person telling them the score. They recited their address themself.

“Oh! Yes, that’s right. You must be ██████’s oldest, right? Mina…?”

“I’m Chara.” Chara frowned. Mother’s real name wasn’t important. “Did you get the ambulens?"

"But… Chara is 3...?”

“3 and three-twelves. Cuz it’s been three month. Twelve months in year.” Chara knew math. This impressed people. They could also count to 100, which also impressed people, because grown-ups found simple things very impressive when they were not at all. Still, Chara made sure to count whenever they thought an adult needed to be reminded of just how many numbers Chara knew, which was often.

“...Y....Y-yes. It’ll be there very soon. Could you answer some questions while we wait?”

“Yeah, okay, as long as they good quest-ons. U-s-e-f-u-l.” They better not be silly questions or stuff about Chara’s age. Chara being 3 was not important! They would be 4 in a year and even older the next. So boring! “Don’t wanna talk ‘bout useless stuff. Did you know useful only got one l even though it "full”?“

"That’s nice, honey…. u-um. they’re good questions, don’t worry.” The person didn’t acknowledge their observation. Probably just jealous that Chara noticed it first.

“Hmmm.”

“Okay…. Um, is he breathing? Can… You tell?”

Chara thought for a moment. They couldn’t hear anything, and they couldn’t cup their ears right now. Had to do something else. Something smart.

Outside, people licked their fingers to feel the wind. And breathing was just mouth wind.

They licked their finger and put it by his nose. It was weak, but they felt a warm gush of air against the wet skin.

Chara grinned. Breathing meant he wasn’t dead yet. (And yet, the not-dead phone didn’t breathe? Must investigate later.) “Yes. Slow and heavy. Should I roll him? He bigger than ANYONE ever.”

“No, you don’t have to do that, sweetie.”

“Next.”

“What?”

“Next quest-on.”

“...” Was that a giggle? “Okay. The injured person is bleeding, right?”

“Yup. From his head.” Tête, cabeza, meoli, kopf..

“…Well… do you think you could put a clean towel on his head and push down as hard as you can?”

“…I gotta be a band-aid?”

“…Yeah, basically.”

Chara looked around. There were some towels hung up on the wall- the clean ones were always put on the wall, kind of like they were being displayed. Chara walked over, grabbed, and pulled until one came down. “Gotta towel. Gonna be the band-aid.

“Good! See if you can find where the bleeding is, okay? Find where the blood is coming from, if- if you can, if you can’t, you should go get your sister-”

“Hold on.” Chara put the phone on his back. So it wouldn’t be on the floor. They crept closer, ignoring the blood squelching between their toes.

‘Go get your sister...’ HAH. Like Min would do anything.

Chara couldn’t see anything from the back. It wasn’t nice to pull people’s hair, but they grabbed a handful from his scalp anyways and pulled with all of their might. Blood dripped down their grandfather’s forehead. An oozing gash sat up against the crown of his scalp, smeared blood surrounding it. Chara wobbled, their arm tiring quickly from the weight of his head. They shoved the towel underneath him and let his head back down, breathing heavily once the pressure on their arms decreased.

They huffed, picking the phone back up.

“Big cut on his front head. I can’t push that, so I put towel under. His head too heavy.”

“So his head is down on the towel? Is the towel bunched up?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, that’s good. You did a great job.”

Chara rolled their eyes. They didn’t need to be told the obvious.

“ Try to press down on the back of his head, so the cut presses into the towel.”

“Okay.” Chara did so. “Next.”

“So, um…How old is the injured person? Is he your uncle…?

"He’s a grandfather. He’s 71.”

“Is he your Papa’s Papa?”

“...sure.” Chara wrinkled their nose. “Those are wrong names. But sure.”

“...” Another pause. Sheesh. “When did you find him like this?”

“Now. He said he gonna go get a drink and then didn’t be back. So I yelled and he didn’t come. So I went and find him.” Chara looked at his fallen body. They slid out of the chair, wobbling their way over to him.

“Do you know how long he’s been injured…? It’s okay if you don’t.”

Chara patted his shoulder. Just in case he could feel it. He might need the comfort. Since he didn’t get his drink.

“It was the noon when he gone outta my room. That’s drink time. I watch a Ger-mun video three times. The video ten minutes… So ten three times. Thirty minutes. Then I yelled at him to come. He didn’t. Then I went and found him and got phone after I made stairs.”

"I see, to reach the phone?”

“Well, yeah,” they scoffed. “I not allowed to reach it. But this 'merg-an-cee.”

“It is, you did the right thing!” Ugh, this person didnt need to tell Chara that. “Okay, so… Does he have any health issues that you know of? You don’t have to answer if you don’t know.”

Jeez, this phone person thought Chara knew NOTHING!

“Uuuummm… He hadda take medicines for his blood. Medicines not helping his blood right now. That blood is still on the floor.” Chara paused. “Nobody but him getsta eat them red pill thingies. I asked.”

And adults said they knew how to share. But Chara didn’t get any of the pill candy? Psh. H-y-p-o-c-r-i-t-i-c-a-l.

“Are you alone? He’s the only adult there, right?”

“Min-Min is in her room being grumpy. She not big enough to be grown-up yet.”

"Oh, that’s so cute, is that what you call your sister?”

Chara grumbled. “You said only good questions.” Why was everyone always so interested in BORING stuff? Min was never gonna go away. What Chara called her was normal. None of this was anything COOL and it certainly wasn’t helping Halabeoji die slower!

"Y-you’re right. You are Chara, right?”

They rolled their eyes. “Yeah.” Chara tried not to sound annoyed, because maybe the person on the phone was being polite. Maybe these were mandatory questions everyone had to answer. But they were still bad questions and the person deserved to feel bad for them. “When’s help gonna be here?”

“Soon. Go unlock your front door, okay?”

Chara stood up and scurried out of the kitchen and to the front door. They tried to reach up and grab the handle, but it was locked tight with the white doorhandle helmet that made it hard to grab and open. They fumbled with it for a moment, their face tightening as they tried and failed to get ahold of the knob. “I can’t. It got the lock helmet thing.”

"Okay, so… they’ll have to break in. Don’t worry, Joe’ll fix it!”

Everyone loved and knew Joe, the village’s architect. He build and fixed everything. His beard smelled like tanning solution and Chara didn’t like him because he tried to talk to them like they were friends. Chara wasn’t friends with people who smelled.

They chewed on their lower lip, deciding not to comment on the whole Joe thing. Chara would just avoid him when he came. He was apparently used to kids liking him, because the last time he came and Chara avoided him, he acted like his feelings were hurt. Baby.

“Should I tell Min-Min?”

“Probably… You should also get ready to go. Put some shoes on, okay? And-”

Chara raised a hand to their mouth. “MIN-MIN, THE DOOR’S GONNA BREAK!”

She shoved her door open. “-WHAT?!”

Chara took a few steps back into the hallway, meeting her gaze with their own. Oh, she was wearing the dress. Why did she have to lock herself in the room to wear it? Nobody was here to call her a baby for wearing it. Except for Chara. And they had better things to call her.

“What did you say??” Her voice rang down the hall, her hazel eyes wide. Chara knew they were hazel because Appa never, EVER shut up about what pretty eyes Min had. They looked like FUNNY eyes right now. Her expression was funny!

Chara pointed at the door. “911’s gonna break the door.”

Min looked at the door, then back at Chara, her brows furrowing. Pretty eyes didn’t hide the big brows that everyone in this family had, haha. “What? Whazzat mean? You gonna– you got us in trouble?!”

“Nooo. I did good things only.” Chara scoffed. “You gotta put shoes on. We gotta go to the hospital.”

“Huh?” She brightened a little. “Are we gonna go see the babies?”

“I’unno. I called 911. People gonna break the door down and take us, probably.”

Min’s expression dropped. She looked around, then back at Chara, as if this as a joke. “Wh…”

“But be calm. Calm is good.”

She did the opposite of calm. She started to shriek. “Why’re we gonna go? What’s going on?!”

The person on the phone kept talking. “Is that your sister? Tell her to get ready to go, too.” Oh, right, Chara still had the phone.

They raised it up. “I’m telling her.”

“Y-You’re not s’pposed to use the phone. You’re gonna get in trouble for that,” Min pointed at Chara, her voice shaking. “You made a joke, right? This is a mean joke. Tell the people not to come, I don’t wanna go!”

“We gotta go!”

“No! You’re tryna make trouble!”

“No, I’m tryna stop Halabeoji from dying.” Chara shot back.

"Yeah, right,” Min scoffed, starting towards Chara. She was trying to replace her fear with anger, and it wasn’t going to work. Chara wasn’t afraid of her anger. Chara was afraid of normal things, like Joe the architect and Grandma’s cat.

Chara raised their voice. “STOP there or you gonna be upset. Don’t come into kitchen. He got blood everywhere.” They scurried backwards into the kitchen, grabbing two shoes from the kitchen pile with one hand.

“Nuh uh-” Min-Min started as she rounded the corner. Her voice cut off, her feet stopped moving.

Her eyes were frozen on Halabeoji’s fallen body. Chara shrugged, holding the phone up to their face. “I TOLD her she was gonna cry. And now she gonna cry. I TOLD her.”

“Um-”

Min’s voice started to rise. “AAAAAAA-”

The door splintered, then shattered. Oh, the help was here!

And Min just screamed even louder. Typical!

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

An entire ambulance ride with a hysterical sister wasn’t exactly Chara’s idea of fun. They tried to pay attention to the adults talking, but Min-Min held onto their hand like she was afraid they’d fall out of the car and splat on the road.

Chara sighed.

“Gonna be fine,” they told her. “Crying don’t do anything, anyways. Faster they help, faster things fix.”

She kept stammering, unable to get a solid word past her tears. Big, globby ones that made her face sticky and red. “Buh–buh— but- b-blood– his blood–”

“You have blood too. Blood isn’t scary.”

“It is when it’s outta people! It’s supposed to be INSIDE! Outside means-- means-- people’s hurt!”

Chara shrugged again. “He gonna get better. Crying not gonna make him get better faster. Going to hospital make him better faster.”

“I don’t wanna be h-here, though...” Min sniffled. “I wanna go home…”

“You gotta be grown-up to go home alone. You also small.” Pequeno, klein, jag-eun...

Min hiccupped.

“And you gotta clean up all blood if you home alone.”

“I- I don’t want that...”

Chara nodded. “Good. Cause you here. Away from blood.”

Min swallowed, struggling to take a deep breath. She really did try, but Chara couldn’t help but think of a gasping fish while they looked at her.

“I–I didn’t want this…”

“…well, duh. Nobody want this.” Except maybe cats. Chara wasn’t yet sure if cats were evil or if it was just Grandma’s cat. They could see him cursing Halabeoji. If he did, Chara was gonna tell EVERYONE.

“No! Not that!” Min wiped her eyes. “I told Mother I didn't like both them coming over because they talk to you always! I didn't know h-he w-was gonna... gonna diiiiee…” she sobbed again.

Chara stared. “The two... different things.”

“Whuh?”

Hmm... Chara held up two fingers, one from each hand. “Left is you thought. Right is him get hurt. No connection,” they held both fingers in front of Min. “If connection was there it would be like...” they held up two fingers from their left, their favorite hand. “This.”

Min’s eyes followed every movement of Chara’s fingers, then dropped down to her lap. She seemed to have understood, but she wasn’t answering... did Chara not explain right? Maybe they should try again, in German-

Min wiped her eyes. “I didn't really want anything like this…” Her new dress was all crinkled from her crying, but she didn’t seem to notice. She sure was upset! Min always cared about things like that. She liked looking nice; it made her happy. Maybe looking bad was part of why she was so sad.

Chara looked up at her and smoothed down some of her stray hairs, much to her confusion. She had the same straight, dark hair that Appa had; a nice black color with no stray hairs or flyaways to be seen. It was pretty. Chara had dark brown hair that was probably supposed to be straight and shiny and pretty, but unlike Min, they didn’t like when people brushed it. When Mother brushed Chara’s hair, it hurt, so they yelled, and they didn’t let anyone but Halmeoni brush their hair. Maybe Min wanted Halmeoni to brush her hair, too. Maybe she was feeling l-o-n-e-l-y. “You look good,” they said, encouragingly.

Min just stared at them. “Whuh.”

Chara insisted, “You don’t look bad.”

“...Whhuuh....”

“Don’t be sad. You look good,” Chara asserted even harder. Why wasn’t Min cheering up? She looked GOOD. That was important, right!

“That’s... that’s not... that’s not about it! It’s... it’s.... cause they don’t like me!” Min glared, her eyes flashing briefly. “They only like YOU cuz you talk to them better!”

“They like you too. They got you dress. Cuz you wanted dress.” Chara stared.

“Yeah, but... but....” Min trailed off, looking down at the rumpled skirt. Min complained all the time about not having dresses or skirts. Mother always said they made her look like an infant and she was a big girl now. After all that complaining, she finally got her dresss, and she STILL had to complain? U-n-s-a-t-i-s-f-i-e-d. “...I messed up the dress... they’ll hate me lots for that, too....”

“Water isn’t messing up. Tears made of water.” Chara pointed at the wet spots where Min’s tears had fallen. “Will wash out. Get clean. It don’t matter. If you wanna do stuff with them. You gotta learn more talking. It’s not hard.”

“Yeah, it IS.” She sniffled. “You learn stuff fast! I’m normal!”

Chara hesitated- normal?- but continued speaking soon after.

“You gotta repeat stuff until it gets sticky in brain. Easy.”

Min stared at them, her face still red, but her tears notably disappearing the longer she talked. “O…kay….”

“I will teach! Practice and get good!”

“Mmm...”

“First! Ways to say thank you for the dress you got on. You know other words for dress? Deuleseu, vestido, kleid-”

“I don’t wanna know other words for dress.” Min frowned. She pulled on the skirt half-heartedly. “It just makes me know I got it on more. I didn’t mean to wear it out… Mother’s gonna be mad.”

“Looks good, though?”

“…yeah… Mother never lets me wear stuff like this. Cause it’s childish…”

“She call me that lots. But I here. Not gone. So she not hate childish stuff THAT much.” Chara pointed at themself, grinning. “AND she gonna have more babies. Childish stuff GOOD.”

Min smiled a little. Just a touch.

Her tight grip loosened. Chara hadn’t held a conversation this long with her in a while. It was nice, actually. So was the light touch of her hand. Hmm, maybe big sisters weren’t so bad after all… Must investigate later…

“Here’s how Min will say 'thank you for the dress’, okay? Repeat after me-”

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

“Good, good, good, good, good, good…” Chara hummed, walking down the hallway with Min and one of the ambulance people. Chara couldn’t tell any of them apart in their matching uniforms. This one had a beard. That was something.

Chara pulled a hesitant Min most of the way, right up until they both saw Appa sitting in one of the beige sofas, his elbows on his knees. Min let go, bolting ahead.

She ran directly into Appa’s big ol’ arms. He was built like the same trucks he helped build, except he was much more hairy than your average truck. “AAAAA-” Min started crying again. Why did seeing their father make her start crying again? Jeez.

Chara just watched, scoffing. She was crying AGAIN. After they had calmed her down and everything! The dead snake with the dead phone was going to hear All About this once Chara could check and make sure the basements rats hadn’t yet eaten the body.

“I’m so sorry, Minnie, this must’ve been so scary,” Appa lifted her up, holding her while she cried into his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay, sweetie…”

Chara wandered to the table in the waiting room and picked up a magazine with a woman in a swimsuit (which was just fancy underwear) on the cover. “Live your best summer with new swimmers ear drops-”…. Do people swim in ears?

Must investi-

“Are you okay, Chara?”

They looked up at Appa. He noticed their clothes before they could respond.

“Oh, god, is that blood on your overalls?”

Chara lifted their feet up, curious Their overalls were too big for them, so the bottoms dragged on the ground whenever they walked. Normally, this made fun noises, but today…? It made wet, heavy sounds. The bright blue was stained with dark red where the denim trailed into the blood puddle. Huh, Chara hadn’t even noticed until now. No wonder their feet felt sticky.

“Not MY blood,” they said, shrugging. “Halabeoji got blood on floor. I stepped in it. Feet got wet. Sticky, too…”

“You… You stepped in it? Why?”

“…” Chars shrugged. “Accident.” Did he think they paraded about in it on purpose? ...Now that the thought was in their mind, that wouldn’t be a bad idea... besides SOULs, blood was the second most important thing to humans being alive. Something there was probably a-r-t-i-s-t-i-c.

Appa exhaled. He ran a hand through his dark hair, his gaze still boring into Chara. They ignored it, looking back at the magazine and turning it upside down in an attempt to find the Swimming Ear.

His voice drew them back out of their thoughts. “Chara…Did you really make the call?”

“Yeah. 911 is the help number. Min wasn’t gonna do it.”

“I’m SORRY…” she wailed.

“No, no, it’s not your fault,” he rubbed her back. “Shhhh….”

“Who told you about call?” Chara blinked. “It was private...”

“Nobody can have any secrets around here. The tech who took your call was absolutely hysterical. She wants to meet you, by the way.”

Meet some weird stranger with bad questions? “No, thank you. Let Min see her.”

“I DON’T WANNA,” Min yelled.

"It’s fine, sweetie, you’re fine-” Though he comforted Min, Appa’s face didn’t look happy or proud. He had a scared face on. Hm. Maybe he was scared for his own dad? Chara patted his knee- as high as they could reach. Comforting. Consolador. Tröstlich. Kaiteki-sa.

“He alive,” they said. “Ambulens said he hadda stroke. But he live and well and learning.”

Appa exhaled. “I see…..”

“...Whassa stroke?” Chara followed up.

“It’s when your brain doesn’t get enough blood….”

“Oh.” Chara thought. “Cause his blood on the floor?”

Appa’s face was turning an odd shade of green. Chara tilted their head, smiling.

Someone in a white outfit approached from the hallway- the same bearded person that escorted the two. “Hey, I heard what happened, man! I’m so sorry! I’ll keep you as updated as I can, yeah?”

“Thanks, Dan.”

So this was “Dan.” All the grown-ups knew each other. How did they remember all those names? Did you get names tattooed on your eyes in code when you grew up? Or did your name brain get bigger? Hmm.

Appa kept going. “Do you know what exactly happened? I heard a stroke...? He has blood pressure issues, but... I didn’t expect them to be THAT bad.”

“Dan” nodded. “Yeah, this stuff happens quick. It’s nobody’s fault, really. As far as we know, it’s ischemic, and Chara called for help soon after he fell, so he should recover well from it. The bigger issue is the head wound. During the stroke, he fell and cracked his head open-”

Min shrieked again. “AAAAAAAAAAH–”

Appa gave “Dan” a nasty look. Chara giggled into their hand.

“...Sorry. But the good news is, because he was found so soon, he hasn’t even been bleeding long enough to go into shock. They’ll give him an IV of tPA, some stitches, and treat him for the concussion, but unless something goes horribly, suddenly wrong, he’ll be fine.”

While “Dan” was talking, Chara took their shoes off and started to squeeze the blood out of the bottom of their overall legs. Nobody noticed until it was too late.

#blood tw #i don't know how to draw blood well yet. leave me alone #written special #EOR #not story #nonstory art

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chvrrystvles · 5 years ago

Text

Harry likes Y/n’s tutu.

A/n: I might do a part two of this if it gets good feedback. As always, kind critiques and criticism is appreciated! Much love xx.

It wasn’t unlike Harry to watch Y/n as she changed into her leotard and baby pink tutu, she knew he had a n odd fascination with the pieces of material. Also make comments, “Makes ya legs look good, poppet, ‘s pretty,” or sometimes “Tha’ leo makes your boobs look good.” The latter comments usually earned Harry a smack on the arm from Y/n.

It also wasn’t unlike him to be extremely handsy when Y/n would put her hair up in a beautiful french twist that laid pinned on the back of her head. Always saying something about how it, “frames your face, makes ya look like a proper Disney princess or somethin’” those type of comments always caused blood to run straight to her full cheeks and turn her bright as a cherry.

Today, however, Harry watched Y/n with intent, his eyes following her from the moment she slipped into her leotard to when she placed her full tutu into her dance bag. Wasn’t a normal gaze either, the way he watched her today made the hairs on her arms raise and her, just shaved legs, to cover themselves in goosebumps.

“Harry you’ve got no business to be staring at me like tha’,” she tried to have a somewhat authoritative tone, but Harry knew her entirely too well. Harry knew Y/n liked being watched, in fact he knew everything about Y/n, but being watched was one of her favorite things. He knew she liked to see people react to her, which is probably the reason why she’s such an amazing dancer. He also knew what his wandering eyes was doing to her, which is why he continued to watch her.

“Dunno whatcha mean pet, ‘m jus’ admiring my girl, ‘s nothing wrong with tha’,” she wished she could kiss that shit eating grin right off of his pretty face, but she had to be out the door in fifteen minutes, and Y/n was never good and stopping something once she started.

With a shake of her head she gave Harry a knowing, but playful, scowl. She knew he was aware of what he was doing to her body, he always did this on the night of a recital. For some reason though, she always danced better after his soundless teasing and grabby hands. Harry noticed this too.

It was the opening night of the Christmas performance at her college, Y/n had been attending University to study dance and forensics. Harry remembered when he first met the lovely girl, he was completely caught off guard that the little innocent lady in front of him was interested in something that had the possibility of being so gruesome. Although, the longer they’ve been together Harry came to realize that Y/n was a different little duck, despite how innocent her outward appearance was.

Opening night was always the most nerve racking of all the times she performed a show, it made Y/n even more nervous that this was her final performance before she graduated university. Also, maybe the fact that she was the lead role, but mostly because it was the last time she’d get to dance with purpose.

Harry sat on the second row, drumming his fingers along his thighs absentmindedly. He had yet to see Y/n in her outfit for the final performance, only getting looks of her leotards for rehearsal, and needless to say he was beyond excited to final get to take it all in. Y/n’s parents sat on his right and he tried his best to hold a conversation with them. Oh, but it was so hard when his mind couldn’t stop thinking about the swell of her breast and the curve of her hips, and how they looked in what she’d be wearing on stage.

Y/n sat in a chair backstage, letting the older women around her finish her hair and makeup. After waiting half an hour, she was finally turned around to give herself a good look down. Needless to say, she was shocked, somehow the women had managed to make her eyes seem even more captivating than usual and her lips looked as pouty and soft as ever. With the leo and tutu she was told to wear, she knew she’d have the audience watching her all night, but more specifically she’d have Harry watching her all night. That thought made a dull ache start to form in between her legs.

Harry could practically hear his heart beating like a freight train, feeling as though, in any minute it would burst out of its home inside his chest. The thought of seeing Y/n in the tiny tool skirt and a skin tight piece of fabric had his head spinning and his cock filling out his jeans, which became increasingly hard for him to try to hide.

He silently thanked whoever turned the lights down, and watched the curtains open slowly revealing his girl in center stage. He muttered a soft, “Oh fuck me,” as he watched her. She was dressed in all black, which only made her body look that much more mesmerizing. The fabric clung to every curve and flattened out and ‘imperfection’ she claimed to have. And god, that tutu, something about it made Harry’s mind go into overdrive. He wondered if she’d keep it on even after the show.

Throughout the entire show, Harry’s eyes stayed glued to every movement Y/n made, and she could practically feel his eyes falling out of his head. Even when she wasn’t dancing on stage, she watched Harry in the wings moving every which way in attempts to cover the growing bulge in his pants. It was hard for her to hide the smirk on her face whenever she met his gaze while dancing, she was aware of what she was doing to him. Harry knew this, and made note to fuck her until she remembered who actually had the upper hand.

Just as quickly as the beautiful ballet had started, it was over, and Harry sat waiting in the lobby with a bouquet of roses for Y/n. His breath caught in his chest when she walked out, greeting guests whilst still giving him a look of adornment. She was so in for it.

“You look so good.” Y/n giggled at his proclamation and brought her lips to the shell of his ear, “You really think so, Daddy?” In that moment she knew she had pressed a button deep within side him, and his entire demeanor changed.

He choked on his spit, not expecting Y/n to tease him this much, he loved this side of her and it wasn’t one he was able to see very often. “Alrigh’ pet, go grab your stuff, gotta get home,” he said lovingly kissed her temple. Y/n could hear the want underneath the loving tone, and decided then, that it was probably a good idea to do as Harry said.

The car ride home was tense, Harry and Y/n had bid goodbye to her parents and promised them lunch the following day. From the way that Harry’s hand squeezed your thigh to way he held his bottom lip in between his teeth. “‘S not nice to tease daddy, Y/n,” he could hear her swallow thickly and attempt to press her thighs together to get some sort of relief. He tutted his tongue, “Is my little angel getting wet,” he brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it softly, “‘s a shame then, really, tha’ you’re not gonna cum fo’ awhile pet.”

Harry didn’t even make it to their bedroom, before he was beckoning Y/n to get on her knees, “on your knees angel, wanna tease Daddy all night in ya pretty lil’ costume you can pay the consequences.” And Y/n would be lying if she said that her core didn’t throb listening to Harry’s filthy words. Her needy hands grabbed and his belt, trying to rid Harry of the clothes covering his bottom half.

Harry watched her through low eyes, she pawed at him in every attempt to get his pants off, and he let her struggle for a few moments before tugging down her jeans and stepping out of them. Y/n licked over the outline of his growing member, kissing over the base all the way down to his clothed tip. She let her eyes meet his, “P-Please Daddy let me suck on you, please,” he liked the way she begged for him.

A soft nod from Harry was all she needed to tug his tight boxers down his thighs. Her mouth watered at the sight of him, tip fiery red and his length scattered with throbbing veins. “Go on then, give it a lick,” and without a second to waste, she did.

She took his tip in between her soft lips, ones that he had been staring at all night long, and suckled softly. “Ah, tha’ is plenty of teasing from ya pet,” she could hear him growing irritated, and that’s exactly how she wanted him. Deciding to be a good girl, she lowered her mouth farther down his cock, his quiet whimpers giving her the motivation to take the whole of him in her mouth and down her throat.

“Thas’ it pet, taking Daddy’s cock like a good girl aren’t ya,” she nodded on him, “Think ya could take ya leo off an’ let Daddy see ya in jus’ your pretty lil’ tutu?” Y/n could’ve cum just by hearing Harry so breathy and whiny above her asking her to give him a blowie in just her tutu. How could she say no to him, already looking so fucked out in just the small amount of time she’d been sucking on his hard length.

Y/n was quick to remove her leo and stockings to leave her in only her pretty black tutu. “Oh, fuck.” Harry couldn’t stop looking at her tits, were they always this perky? Her nipples were already hard and Harry couldn’t wait to suck one into his mouth, but with the sight of her in front of him he started to grow very uncomfortable due to how hard he had gotten.

“Back down on your knees petal, got me all worked up now don’t ya.” Even with the how dominate Harry was being Y/n couldn’t help but feel her heart flutter, the sight of her, and her alone, had gotten him that hard.

As soon as she was back down on her knees, her mouth was stuffed full of Harry, and his hands made themselves comfortable in her hair, which now had fallen from it’s beautiful twist. She licked down the base of his shaft and bobbed her head in a gentle pattern, feeling completely full of Harry.

Harry’s hips bucked into her mouth, touching the back of her throat again and again. Tears fell down her face and made the dark makeup around her eyes stained her flushed cheeks. His cock stretched her lips, and made her mouth hurt, but in the best way possible.

Y/n knew he was approaching his high when she could hear his moans and whimpers growing louder and louder, and feel the snap of his hips get faster. “”M gonna cum petal, ‘m gonna cum.” His grip on her hair became tighter, and Y/n swore she couldn’t breathe, but at this point she didn’t care.

Her head was foggy and she felt like she was on cloud nine when finally she tasted every ounce of him in her mouth. Harry pulled out of her mouth with a sigh, he could see his cum dribbling out of her mouth and onto her chin. “Up, up baby, let’s get ya cleaned up, ‘n then maybe can fuck you in tha’ pretty tutu.”

Y/n, though still very spaced out, couldn’t have nodded her head faster.

Y/n knew she was in for a long night and it was all because of that damn tutu.

#harry styles writing #harry styles blurb #harry styles smut #smut #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry #styles #fine line #dancer y/n #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #y/n dancer

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with-the-same-tattoos · 4 years ago

Note

Bells + eyebags for the asks?

bells: what sounds are your favorite or calm you the most?

I am a BIG, big BIG fan of sound, I have a lot of faves for different reasons, here is a whole list :)

All the noises my current / now passed dogs have made. My baby Keto is very vocal and whiny and he woofs in his sleep and it just. Always manages to make me smile so wide. His litte murfs when he's throwing a tantrum r very good. Casanova, one of the dogs I used to have, was a beagle, but like a really big one, and had a really weirdly deep woofy bark otherwise standard for beagles. I'm for ever sad that I don't have it on film bc no other beagle woofing will ever replicate that no matter how many stupid beagle barking videos i look up bc i have a sappy brain and idk i just. I love very intensly. I also rly like the huffs of horses!!!!! When u kiss them on the snout and theyr like :) sniffff huf it's so precious.

Rain & the ocean !!!! Any sound of water is just immersive to me. It catches me off guard. It just. I don't know how to explain it but water is so otherworldly to me.

Factory noises. I grew up next to a factory & playing the silent hill games, so that kinda humming & metallic soundscape is very comforting to me. It feels like home. I live in the countryside nowdays (well i have an apt in the town i go to school at but I still call my parents home Home bc yk ; w ; im kinda like that) and it's been incredibly good for my mental health but i miss factory noises... i rly like to sometimes just listen to my computers hum etc. V calming

Kinda similiarly car noises, some of my favourite memories r just from sitting in a car while someone else is driving, maybe talking, maybe not.

Storks !!!!!!! Means summer and spring and happiness!!

PETER LUKASES VOICE ON THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES CHILLS ME TF OUT

VERY rambly my apologies but I really like listening to things it's exiting ; v ;

eyebags: what do you think makes a person attractive?

I REALLY don't know a proper answer for this. Its a bit all over. I think, most important to me is a connection. At a glance i kind of fall into the trap of "i can fix them" kinda situations but also... really not? It's more that I'm attracted to the idea of not struggling alone, being understood, understanding someone else, finding a form of mutual nurturing and helping eachother stand up. I apprechiate someone who understand why I get so emotional about silly things like the sky n shit, and I want to get someone, I want to get their things and even if I don't, I wanna support them and make them know they're loved. Struggles are usually the easiest way for me to CONNECT w someone, but sometimes I just click over stupid stuff and go head over heels for literally anyone. I like all kinds of personalities and vibes and energies, it just depends on a random click.

Appearences wise idk I kinda just like Messy people. Furiosa types. Dunno why.

#DUNNO IF IM EXPLAINING THIS SENSIBLY #ask #thank u for asking !!!! :)#oooo im exyta rambly todau

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pretty-bratty · 5 years ago

Text

I'll Be Home for Christmas (Even When You're Being a Brat)

It's their first Christmas. And it should be perfect - if only Steve wasn't such a brat. And Billy wasn't so tired. And wasn't wearing this goddamn sweater! Bullshit, it's still perfect. 'Cause they're together.

Light dom/sub, spanking, Christmas fluff

It's going on in Baby, Can You See Through the Tears universe - but you can read it on its own.

Every chapter is either in Steve's POV (written by @pretty-bratty) or in Billy's POV (written by @strangergrove).

We post a chapter a day!

Chapter 2: Christmas Spirit (Steve)

Everything is warm and cozy and just...the best. Steve curls up, getting comfortable next to Billy, and lets out a soft giggle when he steals a marshmallow from his hot cocoa.

"I swear to God, Harrington, those chipmunks are reminding me someone," Billy chuckles, shoving a pancake and a cookie in his mouth, both at the same time.

Steve watches Chip and Dale making fun of Pluto while Mickey chops the Christmas tree. He smiles at Billy, taking a cookie too. Dustin's mom baked cookies specifically for them, a whole jar, frosting and sprinkles and all. Dustin's swearing his mom makes just the best cookies, and well, even Billy seems to agree now, considering on how he inhales them in handfuls.

"Who?"

The tree on the screen starts to sparkle with colorful lights, and Steve watches it, mesmerized like when he was ten. He's so glad that stupid Demogorgon hasn't ruined his fascination with fairy lights, must be a miracle of its own.

"I dunno," Billy drawls lazily, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Some certain troublemaker we both know."

"You?" Steve gives him a toothy grin and gets reduced to uncontrollable laughter next moment, because Billy decides to tickle him for that. "Okay, okay, it's me, it's me, stop, Billy!"

He doesn't stop until Steve's literally hiccuping from laughing, grabbing his shoulders into a tight hug then. Steve just sighs happily, relaxing completely.

It's officially his favorite time. Well, every time with Billy is the best in his books. But Christmas time with Billy is truly magical.

It's everything Steve has ever seen in the holidays movies and Disney cartoons and everything he's dreamed about, but has never had before.

He's always been mesmerized by all the falling snow and silvery bright stars, glowing in the dark blue night, and Christmas magic that he dreamed to experience once.

He's never thought his magic would come in a form of wild Californian boy with firm hands and secretly warm heart. But well. S' a miracle, after all. And they come in unexpected forms.

Billy lets out a soft laugh, watching Pluto going nuts on the screen, and cuddles Steve closer.

It's probably his favorite part, Billy being soft all the time - cuddly and gentle and letting Steve get away with almost everything.

He's got it only once, a few days ago, when they met a real-life wild deer during their walk in the snowy woods.

Steve tried to pet its nose, despite Billy's firm forbidding - because a Christmas deer, Billy, honestly, how could you not - and almost got his hand bitten off. It's actually scared all three of them to shit.

The deer pranced back into the woods immediately, probably deciding to never go closer to any dumbass humans. Billy yelled and used all profanities that Steve knew and some more.

Steve just got frozen on the spot, his heart beating wildly, before getting pulled into the tightest hug from Billy.

Unfortunately, after a moment Billy understood that Steve's a) okay and b) disobeyed him, so the next thing Steve got were a few harsh slaps on his ass, paired with some pretty pissed scolding.

Then he got hugged again though, and cuddled for the rest of the day, so it wasn't even that bad. He also managed to keep the faint memory of the deer's velvety nose, so - totally worth it.

Besides, deliberate disobeying usually lands him into a full-blown trouble, so this was honestly nothing.

Apparently, Christmas time's the time when you can get away with literally anything. Which is one more reason to love this season dearly.

The cartoon is ending, and Billy moves, as if trying to get up.

"One more," Steve grabs his hand, getting more comfortable on top of Billy and stealing the frosting from his cookie.

Billy checks his watch.

"Steve, it's time to get ready, baby."

"No," Steve pulls a face that Billy usually calls a spoiled pout.

"Have you changed your mind?" Billy hauls him so Steve straddles his lap, facing Billy, like he's not heavier than a little puppy. "Are we not going to the Byers?"

"Of course we are," Steve's voice gets all hoarse and he's just...going completely still.

Because his breath is hitching and there's this sharp, almost painful feeling in his stomach, and his head's swimming and his heart is going wild - like every time when Billy holds him like that.

Holds him with his firm hands, palms warm and steady on Steve's sides, like he can easily lift him in the air - and he probably can.

Billy's gaze is intense, both soft and piercing at the same time, and he seems so big and confident, while Steve feels so, so small.

Small and vulnerable, and kinda lost. He clutches Billy's shoulders, not actually knowing what he's doing. The only thing he knows is that Billy, unlike any others, wouldn't push him away.

Steve feels his eyes prickling all of a sudden, and it's stupid, he's not some whiny girl, and all he wants is to promise he's gonna be so good, only good, like, forever - just - just please, don't let me go, never let me go.

Saying it out loud would be too dumb even for Steve though, so he just keeps looking at Billy, breath hitched, completely helpless.

But Billy - Billy still seems to just somehow get it, because Steve's being held close and cuddled to his warm chest.

There are soft lips touching his ear, and it's ticklish and warm and Steve feels so incredibly light, like his stomach is full of tiny airy bubbles, like in coke, and Billy's hands are running down his back, all soothing and steady and firm, yet so gentle.

"You're a good boy, yeah, my good boy," Billy's voice feels like a warm blanket wrapped around him, so reassuring and soft. "No matter what. Mischievous and spoiled and bratty as you are, you're my boy. M' keeping you forever, okay?"

Steve closes his eyes, treasuring these words. He's used to cold or stern voices way more than to this soft praise, because people apparently think he deserves only that. Steve kinda believes it himself - but seems like Billy's made it his mission to change it.

So Steve just clings to him, soaking it all up like a sponge, melting in this warmth and tenderness.

Billy keeps drawing soothing circles on his back, murmuring some silly questions to which Steve just needs to nod or shake his head - like 'are you excited for the party' and 'are you still gonna ask Joyce if you can put a reindeer antlers on the dog' and 'do you think I'm gonna beat the Chief in how much gravy we eat'.

He doesn't stop until Steve can breathe normally again, until he gets all relaxed, giggling softly into Billy's neck, pressing his lips to the warm skin.

"Now let's get ready," Billy moves him to look in his eyes. "We promised to come earlier and help, remember?"

"But..." Steve knows it. He wants to go and he also wants to sit here with Billy forever, and just, time is such a stupid concept!

"No 'buts', Stevie. And none of that pouting," Billy gives him a pointed look, patting his cheek lightly. "I told you you're my boy and I'm not letting my boy be disobedient, got it?"

Steve just pouts more.

"What, it makes me not your boy if I'm disobedient?"

"Where the hell have you picked up this nonsense?"

"But you said...."

Billy rolls his eyes and then fixes him with somewhat stern look. Whoops.

"It makes you my boy who I'll have to punish so he behaves again. Are we clear?"

Uh, so maybe you can't get away with everything even at Christmas after all. Or maybe Billy's just trying to scare him. It's better to listen now anyway.

"We're clear, Billy. But I'm all ready to go!" Steve looks at him all innocently, pointing at his sweater and then at Billy's naked chest. S' not like he doesn't appreciate the view, but...

"Yeah, about that," Billy frowns, drumming his fingers on Steve's back. "You little shit happen to know where have all my shirts disappeared?"

Chapter 1

Also on AO3!

#I'll Be Home for Christmas (Even When You're Being a Brat)#baby can you see through the tears #harringrove #steve harrington #billy hargrove #billy x steve #steve x billy #harringrove fanfic #harringrove fic #harringrove fanfiction #fanfic #stranger things #stranger things fandom #harringrove christmas #pretty bratty writing

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magioftheseas · 6 years ago

Text

Hiyoko & Yasuke

Summary: Saionji Hiyoko’s FTEs in the SDR2 Protagonist Matsuda Yasuke AU. Yep. They’re different enough from canon, I swear.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Language...? Hiyoko’s still definitely a bitch. Matsuda is, too.

Notes: This was a prize for correctly guessing the reference in Chapter 4 of the main fic! Since Hiyoko deserves more appreciation, I cross-posted it to here. Her and Matsuda predictably bicker and don’t get along that well, all things considered, but they have an enjoyable banter and a surprisingly interesting relationship. Since I probably won’t be able to portray it to its fullest in the main fic, I was pretty okay with writing up this. It was pretty difficult tho so FTEs for the entire cast is looking like a far-off dream lol. If there’s interest in certain characters (and/or a request I accepted/a thing I was commissioned), then ehhhhh maybe more to come. Maybe.

Read this fic among others HERE

Main story is HERE

Commission? Donate?

By all accounts, this is a shitty fucking idea but...

“One! Two! One! Two! Left! Right! Left!” A giggle. An intake of breath. And then, she wails. “Waaaaah! Some fucking creep keeps staring at meeeee!”

“I’m just astounded you’re still not bored with squishing thoraxes,” Matsuda muttered, already questioning every single choice he could’ve made that would lead to being in this situation. “Do you have a vendetta against drones or what?”

But I guess it’s better than stomping crabs.

Saionji snorted.

“And now the weirdo creep is asking me strange questions. And in such a droning voice! I hate it!”

“Sorry, my baby talk is pretty rusty. But if you’re that whiny, would you be pacified with a candy?”

“If it’s lemon I don’t want it!” Saionji exclaimed, looking absolutely affronted.

“...”

Matsuda pulled out a lollipop.

“Orange, then?”

“Give it! I’ll never forgive you if you don’t!”

“Alright.”

Somehow, with that little exchange, a devil’s contract had been formed.

FTE#1

“Mm, mm.” Sickening smacks of the lips, and Matsuda really was wondering how things turned out like this. Saionji looked pretty content, at least. “Hey, hey, Matsuda-nii. You wanna know what I think about you?”

“I can’t imagine it’s positive,” he replied. “Even if you weren’t a yappy bitch desecrating our serene cultural beauty, I get the feeling you would still think I’m kind of a dick.”

“Mm...” Just like that, Saionji’s wide, watery eyes filled with tears. And she begin to sniffle. And she wails yet again, “I ABSOLUTELY WOULD THINK THAAAAAT! MATSUDA-NII’S SUCH A JEEEEEERK!!! A P-PERVERTED...SHIT-SPEWING...COMPLETE ASSHOLE!!!”

“At least most of what you say is true and everyone knows it.” With a roll of his eyes, he dropped a crumpled up handkerchief into her lap. “So shut the hell up. Do you have any fucking pride at all? Pathetic.”

“U-Uu. The worst. The absolute worst. You even gave me such a shitty fucking rag.” Irritated, she still fiddled with it. “Did anyone even teach you how to fold?! Oh.”

She quiets when she sees that there’s a candy tucked inside. It’s wrapped up cutely in pink and orange polka dots. Her face pinches up so much so she looks constipated. All the same, she finishes up her lollipop so that she can unwrap this new candy and pop it into her mouth. Bitterly, she seems to like it a lot.

Not that Matsuda is really looking at her anymore.

“You really are a pervert, thinking you can pacify me with that.”

“I forgot about it,” he said, shrugging. “But think what you want. I’m not interested in the line of correcting stupid, stubborn brats.”

She hiccuped, sniffling and blowing her nose on his handkerchief.

“I-If you were really sorry, you’d get me the sweet I really like.”

What makes you think I’d fucking care? And anyway...

“You mean those gummies you always eat?” Matsuda asked, Just pick them up at the damn supermarket. You’re a big girl, aren’t you?”

“THAT’S NOT IIIIIIT!!!” Saionji shook her head furiously. “Dummy! Stupid! Perv! That’s just ordinary candy I happen to like! What I really like is special!”

“Shut the heeeeeell up,” Matsuda snapped. “If you want me to figure shit out, don’t be so fucking vague about it. Haven’t you ever been to a doctor before? Shouldn’t you know this?”

“U-Urgh.” Grumbling, she wiped irritably at her eyes, glaring back at him darkly. “What I really like is special, sweet, small, and shaped like a star!”

“Oh.” Matsuda inhaled, nodding in understanding. “Confeito.”

She nodded back.

“Well.” Matsuda rubbed at the nape of his neck. “I dunno what to tell you, then. They don’t have that shit at the supermarket.”

Just like that, Saionji’s face turned to stone.

“And even if they did, like hell I’d share any with such a bratty, yappy troll.” Matsuda frowned. “Do you really think that with a face like that, and if you cry, that you can just get people to do whatever you want? You’re not even a kid, you’re the same fucking age as me.”

Saionji bit her lip.

“Still, I guess confeito’s at least good taste,” he sighed, shrugging. “Small yet intricately designed, sparkling like the stars they’re based off of. They’re works of art, along with flower candies along with the kind of aesthetic treats enjoyed at a tea ceremony. Personally, I’m a big fan of Mont Blanc, too.”

“Too sweet,” Saionji muttered darkly. “Foreign sweets are way too disgustingly sweet. They’re uncultured.”

Matsuda gave her an unimpressed look.

“Even castella?”

“M-Mmgh.” Saionji fidgeted, seething as she did. “Castella is...it’s... It’s fine, but...”

“Buuuuut? What?” Matsuda’s brow furrowed. “What’s got you so bitter?”

Saionji got to her feet, eyes brimming with tears again, and she shoved him down none too gently. He grunted as he landed harshly onto his back.

“Big! Stupid! Jerk!”

He only barely managed to avoid her stomping feet and just as he glared, she had already rushed off, leaving him in her proverbial dust.

And what the actual fuck was that about?

He sputtered a bit.

Seriously what the hell?

Sighing, he shook her head. He wasn’t in the mood for chasing her, especially considering the shit she’d scream at him if he did, so for now, he’ll just leave her be.

FTE#2

Unsurprisingly, the next time he saw her, she turned away in a childish huff. Since he had time to think about it, even though he hadn’t really wanted to, he can figure that she was probably pissed about...being called out on her shit.

Predictable.

He would’ve just given her time to sort that nonsense out on her own, but Saionji kept sneaking angry glances. Kept sneering. Kept turning away with a childish huff.

Oh for fuck’s sake. What a goddamn nuisance.

So, in the end, he approached her first after all.

“Yo.”

“Gross.”

“I’m not going to apologize,” he snapped, unaffected by her look of contemptuous disgust, even as he retained his usual scowl. “So if you’re trying to guilt me, it’s not going to fucking work. Just. Letting you know.”

Saionji bristled, but then, she sighed heavily.

“Of cooooourse not. I’ve known that from the start that fake tears weren’t going to do shit on someone like you,” she said, rolling her eyes. “You’re awful. Super cold. The kind of person I hate super much even if it’s not the most.”

“Were those tears really fake?” he asked, unimpressed. “If you knew that it wouldn’t work, you wouldn’t have reacted so strongly.”

“Shut up.” Her expression would’ve terrified a weakling like that mechanic guy but Matsuda just met her glare coldly. “A filthy, shit-spewing asshole like you should just keep his trap shut.”

He shook his head, tilting it with a twisting frown.

“And you can’t even be bothered to say please? You’re about traditional dancing, right? Where’s your fucking formality?”

Saionji reddened with anger. With a stomp of her foot, she huffed and then, with trembling shoulders, she mumbled, “You really are someone I super hate very much.”

He waved his hand.

“Then, there’s really nothing more to say,” he said, and he turned on his heel. “I’ll get out of your sight then, brat.”

“Y-You really don’t feel bad or guilty at all?!” she sputtered. “Where’s your heart?!”

“Bedside manner is reserved for patients, and I don’t have the patience for someone like you,” Matsuda snapped.

“W-Wah...” Shuddering, Saionji’s breath hitched as her fists balled. “T-The worst. The worst. I hate you so much!”

Urgh.

“I don’t really hate you,” he said. “But I can’t exactly say I like you, either. Then again, with the way you act?”

His head was throbbing, which was even more irritated. It was only worse when Saionji wailed and wailed.

Urgh. Urgh. Why do I...?

“Will you shut up, you bitch? Shut up!”

Unsurprisingly, she just got louder.

“Shut up!”

And louder.

“Shut...!”

And louder.

“Saionji, for fuck’s sake!”

Saionji’s mouth shut, but she was glowering darkly and viciously. Chin tucked, with eyes hooded yet bright with fury.

“Call me that again and I’ll fucking kill you.”

And now she’s actually threatening me?! Is this the same gremlin or is it now the other one? But more than that...

“You don’t want me to call you by your name?” A pause. “Your family name? What? Is your family that bad? Well, the rotten apple doesn’t fall far from...”

He ends up trailing off as she scoffed, lips trembling, eyes glimmering.

I’m treading into sensitive territory, here.

“Just don’t use it,” Saionji snapped. “It’s an awful wretched name and I hate it more than I hate you.”

Matsuda opened his mouth to say something, but for once, he thought better about it and kept his trap shut.

...your family name, huh...

Saionji ended up being the one who turned on her heel and stomped away. Matsuda watched her, feeling a weird twist in his gut. Guilt, maybe? Gross.

I might’ve gone too far after all. Shit.

FTE#3

“Yooo.”

“Grooooss.”

Saionji sneered as he shuffled his hand into his pocket. Grumbling lowly, he ended up pulling out a bag of sweet buns and very nearly flings it into her face. Saionji’s expression shifts to unreadable, but she immediately opens the bag. Her beady eyes are expectant as she takes a bun and bites down into it.

“I actually should apologize for before,” Matsuda muttered, averting his gaze. “Family matters can be delicate, I guess.”

That said.

“I’m not really going to pry into said family matters, mind you. That’s really none of my business. So it’s whatever. Just take what you will from it.”

“Mm. Mmf.” Saionji chewed and swallowed, blinking at him a few times with those childishly wide eyes. “You really are suuuuuper fucking pitiful, huh? You have no grace in apologizing at all!”

Matsuda grumbled.

It’s whatever. Whatever. Just what the hell am I trying to accomplish, again? Fuck.

“Yep!” Saionji giggled. “You act all high and mighty but you’re just one of many unimportant losers under me! So you should just accept your place as a slave and don’t bitch so much!”

Matsuda blinked. And he held up his hand.

“You’re about thirty-eight centimeters too short and about a hundred years too young to make those kinds of demands.” He rubs at his nape. “Still. Sorry about earlier.”

“I don’t forgive you,” she chirped. “Not until you grovel.”

“I’m not that sorry.”

“Awww! Then what good are you even for?”

“Do you even remember what my talent is?”

“Nope! Why should I?”

Matsuda rolled his eyes.

Playing around with a spoiled brat really isn’t a worthwhile use of my time. I should just leave.

“You’re a doctor, right?”

Just as he had turned on his heel, the words gave him pause. Saionji’s tone was high and cheerful, but lowered in pitch when she clicked her tongue over the syllables of doctor.

“If you’re a doctor, then you should stay by my side.” Another click of her tongue, followed up by a giggle. “Don’t you know? Anyone with the surname Saionji is cursed to die.”

If he hadn’t been drawn in before, he was definitely curious now.

“Bloodlines are always targeted by organizations and are often subjected to assassinations,” she went on, waving a bun around as though it were a fan before stuffing it into her mouth. She had some manners to chew and swallow, touching her lips before finally going on, “Since I’m head of the family, I’m a target, too. I’ll get pins in my shoes, dead mice on my bed, food poisoned, and stage lights dropped on me. I’m in a lot of danger, Matsuda-nii. That’s why you have to protect me.”

“That’s w̴̡̫͆̃͗̓̃h̴̞̤͂͒̊͋̕ỷ̷̛̻̓̿̽̀...”

A sudden striking pain in his temple, and Matsuda was immediately snapped out of the moment. Grumbling, he rubs at his temple, and he grimaces at Saionji’s innocently blinking eyes.

“That sounds like you need a guard, not a doctor,” he huffed. “If that’s what you’re so concerned about, why not indoctrinate one of those two meatheads or something? Well, I can’t speak for their observational skills, but...”

“But nothing!” Saionji shrieked. “Those two are sooooooo boring! Owari’s so gullible that she’ll believe anything I say! What’s the fun in that?!”

“There’s also that I’m a specialized doctor,” Matsuda added, exasperated. “As not fun as it would be to turn up with pins in your feet, that’s not my field. I wouldn’t be assigned to work on that. Pins in your skull, on the other hand...”

Saionji’s cheek puffed until they looked rosier than cherries.

“If general health issues are a concern, then go for the healthcare committee chick,” he said. “Tsumiki Mikan, was it?”

“Mmgh.” Just like that, she went from pouting to splitting with a smirk. “She is really fun to mess with.” Just like that, her smile quickly dropped. “You, on the other hand, aren’t much fun at all. Just when you were showing potential, too.”

Potential?

“You really are hung up on your manipulative act, huh,” he mused. “What’s even the point of that? You clearly aren’t that good at it. You’re way too easy.”

“What was that?” she asked, gaze hooded.

“Playing dumb isn’t going to help, either,” Matsuda said, gaze drifting to the side. “You’re too obvious. Despite some shallow similarities, you’re actually nothing like...”

He stops. He blinks. Once. Twice.

Just...what was I in the middle of saying?

His head hurt. It really hurt. It was as if all his thoughts came crashing down in a heavy heap that dig into his head deep enough to pierce nerves. It really fucking hurt.

“Matsuda-nii?”

Saionji sounds as confused as she does frustrated.

“I... I-I need to go.” His mouth felt dry, head and heart pounding, thoughts in shrieking, shattered remains. “Right. Away.”

“Hey, what the hell, Matsuda-nii?!” When he took off running, Saionji yelled after him. “H-HEY, MATSUDA-NII!!!”

He could hear her, but it was detached and distant, as if she didn’t even occupy the same plane.

FTE#4

The next time their paths had intersect, Saionji was, as per usual, pretty pissed right off the bat. But this time, her glare bore into him intensely, almost searchingly, like there was something she needed to see and yet nothing yielded. She was frustrated. Still confused. About what had happened.

Which was fair, Matsuda had no idea what the fuck he was on about earlier either. Truth be told, he barely remembered it because he downed so many pills afterwards that he passed out. As it stands, he’s just grateful he didn’t get his idiot ass seriously sick. He’s still a little drowsy and out of it, but keeping his body active should work wonders.

He should avoid anything that aggravates whatever that was, which would include Saionji. But. Even if that’d be good in the short term, he had a bad fucking feeling about the long term.

And so here they were. Matsuda lowkey wanted her to stomp on his foot and storm off because this intense, glaring silence wasn’t doing anyone any favors. His head doesn’t hurt, but he’s tired.

So. So fucking tired.

“...you don’t know what happened either, huh.”

Finally Saionji does speak, shuffling so that her hanging sleeves press together at the ends, hiding her curling fists.

“You know...” She stomps her foot. On just the dirt. “You really started acting so freaky and weird! It was scary! You should’ve showed up with sweets to make up for it, Matsuda-nii! Why didn’t you?!”

“Urgh.” Glumly, he digs through his pocket and pulls out another wrapped candy. He then unwraps it and pops it into his mouth, making Saionji shriek. He only shrugs. “I haven’t really been in the mood to give away snacks that I can just eat myself. Sorry. I guess.”

“You pig! Your perv! Y-You pig perv! You’re the worst!” Saionji sobs. “J-Just the WOOOOOORST!”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it.” Matsuda swallows down the candy. It itches his throat a little. “So. Now that we’ve come to an understanding, we can just not bother with each other anymore.”

Saionji sniffled into her sleeves, shoulders hitching.

“I still don’t have any interest in catering to you,” he went on. “And I’m...”

Just so...so tired.

But he’s alert enough to avoid, Saionji trying to stomp on his foot for real. However she does latch her sticky fingers onto his coat.

“You owe me! You’re not going to just tap out, you jackass! Meanie! Jerkface!” She blows her nose on his coat, to his recoil of absolute disgust. “I-I... I demand compensation for emotional turmoil! Five bags of sweet buns! E-Every day...for a week!”

Matsuda’s response was to none too gently wrench her off of him from the back of her kimono. She wailed, and he doubted that it hurt that much. All the same, she only shut up when Matsuda muffled her sobbing with his handkerchief, pinching her nose until she blew on that.

“A lab coat is shit for doing anything about mucus, you fucking idiot,” he hissed. “And that many sweets will rot your teeth! Just how unreasonable are you? Not everyone signs up for brat sitting, so are you really that spoiled? Or are you just stupid?”

Saionji hiccuped but smacked his hand away despite keeping his handkerchief for herself as she continued blowing into it.

“I swear.” Matsuda grimaced at the stains on his coat, wiping it off with the spare handkerchief he carried around with little success. “If you wanted to keep hanging around for some unfathomable reason, you can just converse like a normal person. Like about manga or something?”

“M-Manga is...for gross pervs.” Saionji’s trembling like a leaf. “I-It’s for gross, disgusting, pedophiliac pervs!”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.”

“N-Novels are way better!” she wails. “L-Like The Madness...of Nakazu!”

He does perk at that. Sucking in his breath, Matsuda threw his head back.

“I Am A Cat isn’t a bad read,” he mumbled. “It’s probably my favorite of Souseki-san’s.”

Saionji nodded furiously.

“Right, r-right!” She sneezed, hiccuping and rubbing at her eyes. “What a miserable, wretched time period! How sad for Souseki-san to be surrounded by...by awful, wretched, stuffy pigs!”

Your behavior isn’t much better than those ‘stuffy pigs’.

Matsuda sighed.

“Although isn’t it disrespectful to disregard an entire medium because of a few undesirables? There are works that put emphasis on long-standing cultural ideas and aesthetics.”

“There are too many works that don’t!” Saionji exclaimed, heated to the point that her grip on the handkerchief was white as bone. “They stress other super undesirable ideas and aesthetics! And they pander to such a low brow! There are ideas that far more deserve to be retold and retained in the public conscious! And with such an influx of shit, those ideas are getting muted and muffled, overturned and overwhelmed by what’s nothing more than trash...!”

“Hhh... I can’t argue with all of that, but don’t rip anything.” Matsuda waved his hand. “I’m too tired to argue period. So just tell me about Madness of Nakazu instead, you stupid brat in a kimono.”

“Gladly! It’s about a father who...for his daughter’s sake...”

And such was how he spent his free time. He still had to wash his coat afterwards, which wasn’t great.

FTE#5

“Matsuda-nii, you seem like the kind of person who falls asleep in the middle of performances.”

“Well, that wouldn’t be a wrong assessment.”

“You really have no class at all!” Saionji laughed and there was a cruel edge to it. “Aren’t you ashamed?”

“Not particularly.” He shrugged. “Performances like that are sometimes meant to evoke a sense of serenity, so I still appreciate them even if I fall asleep. The effect that visual arts have on the brain isn’t one that can be understated.”

“Oh, right, you’re a brain-obsessed brainiac.” Another cruel, childish laugh. “That’s so weird.”

“Understanding this is how we put to words the effect and significance of the emotional reactions the arts evoke. It also shows just how deep our biologically-ingrained empathy runs,” he rambles on, not giving her much thought. “For example it is believed that we map the movements and actions of others onto our own somatosensory system. When a dancer leaps, the audience soars. Adrenaline pumps in response to the sight of death-defying acrobatics and stunts. That kind of thing.”

Saionji fidgets, frown twisting.

“That’s nothing exclusive to traditional dancing, though,” she pointed out. “It completely ignores the importance of how in order to set my audience at ease, I must first be relaxed to my fingertips!”

“Yeah.” Matsuda blinks, rubbing at his eye. “There is that.”

“Traditional dancing isn’t just about showcasing beauty! It’s about evoking the feeling of that beauty!” Saionji exclaimed. “It’s about making everyone feel the same love for that beauty that I feel! Which is far more important than just the clinical explanation of it!”

Matsuda hmphed, brow furrowing.

“Similar to your passion for the dancing, my passions lie in those clinical explanations,” he snapped. “It’s rude as hell to dismiss them, especially when they’re the foundation keeping your performance afloat. Even if you moved beautifully, if people were incapable of that empathy, the necessary stimulation required for that appreciation would be unreachable.”

Saionji seemed pretty unimpressed with that.

“I shouldn’t have to hear this from someone who just falls asleep!”

“I don’t always fall asleep,” Matsuda griped. “I wouldn’t fall asleep during your performances, for instance.”

Because I do have a sense of self-preservation.

“If you do, I’ll publically humiliate you and post it online,” Saionji seethed.

“I definitely wouldn’t. I’ll make sure I’ll stay awake if it’s you.”

“...”

Saionji bit her lip, playing with her sleeves for a bit.

“Y’know... Daddy used to say the same thing, but he was way nicer about it.”

Hmm?

“I thought you didn’t like your family?”

“Daddy married into it, so he’s fine.” Her frown deepened. “But my family name really is important, as my hag grandmother used to say.”

Maybe she’s the disliked family, then.

Matsuda decided not to push the topic.

That’s not my place to barge in on. Family matters can be delicate.

But he remembered, vaguely, The Madness of Nakazu, about a father who went crazy in order to protect his daughter. How they lived happily ever after, and how real life wasn’t always that simple.

“I don’t like your tone,” Saionji said, apropos of nothing and ironically making it easier on him. “But, y’know, I don’t always hate the things you say.”

And how am I supposed to respond to that?

“Alright.”

Brilliance.

“You really are super uber pitiful though, Matsuda-nii,” Saionji said, eyes wide. “But that’s alright. Once you accept your place under me, I’ll definitely protect you.”

“No, you won’t.”

“No, I won’t!” she laughed again. “Like hell I would!”

“Yeah. I’m not surprised.”

But, y’know... I think I have a pretty good picture of your character.

“If you do fall asleep in the middle of my performance,” Saionji said, lowly and seriously. “I’ll never, ever forgive you.”

“I won’t, I won’t.”

All things considered, I guess we’ve gotten to know each other reasonably well. I don’t see us getting all that close for obvious reasons. This bitch is still a major pain in the ass and ears with her shrill whining, but...

“Promise you won’t! Swear on your life!”

“I won’t.”

She’s not the worst person and weirdly enough, dealing with her is nostalgic, almost bittersweet.

But if I think too deeply on that, it’ll definitely hurt.

#hiyoko saionji #saionji hiyoko #yasuke matsuda #matsuda yasuke #protag matsun #Magi fics #yep #I cut out certain stuff extensively because yeeeeeah xenophobia isn't cool kids #I'm not gonna write that out in-depth #That's beyond my comfort zone #There's still some of it but not nearly as much as before #It gave me an opportunity to reference Natsume Souseki tho #who's like one of my favorite NPCs in DGS #and also...a real historical figure...#yeah #please enjoy #sdr2 #dr0

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

Text

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: how much you got on you rn Ronnie: enough for me Ronnie: you aint piggybacking Joe: enough for me then Joe: not suggesting you send it first class Joe: 'less you know how to do that Ronnie: I do but in what world mckenna Joe: however much you reckon you'd need to do it Joe: i'll double it Ronnie: use that ingenuity for your own score Joe: yeah whatever Joe: all chat Ronnie: like ive got anything to prove to you Ronnie: least of all how well i can be your bitch when you holler at me Ronnie: cry is more accurate Joe: fuck sake Joe: forget about it Joe: it's a stupid idea Joe: you gonna give me a better one Ronnie: not one for the scrapbook was it cunt Ronnie: dry your eyes & do your own running Ronnie: you need me to hold your hand everytime now Ronnie: big enough to take it go find it Joe: ha ha Joe: like I'm running anywhere Ronnie: this where we play doctor yeah Ronnie: you tell me how bad it hurts & I make it better for you Joe: exactly Joe: now we're on the same page Ronnie: nah you think you can tear out some pages & spit ball em at me to get my attention but why should I give a shit bout these playground games boy just 'cause you heading back home to your mammy Ronnie: im sound Ronnie: dont care how loud you're crying she's the one who's gotta show up for that Joe: i don't want yor attention Joe: i want some heroin Ronnie: maybe she's still got old school connections Ronnie: find her little black book son Joe: maybe Joe: one of you could be useful like Ronnie: wounded & bleeding Ronnie: shit junkie you are house full of people to shake up & shit to steal but you coming to me Joe: just looking for that big sisterly advice Joe: obviously Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: you sound like the littlest one what is he 4 like Joe: feel it Ronnie: trying to make my heart bleed now yeah Ronnie: grow a fucking pair before it really hurts Joe: if you wanted to scare me you shouldn't have given me the gear Joe: realistically too late anyway but who wants to hear or think about my idyllic childhood yeah Ronnie: if you couldnt hack it you shouldve cried off then Ronnie: save the tears now Joe: and i thought i was the only one with obsessive thought spirals Joe: when i get some i'll remember to feel good about how much you miss me Ronnie: like youre special baby Ronnie: please Ronnie: weve all got mad minds hows that not clicked in yours Ronnie: how many kids shes squeezed out & you reckon were the only self medicating Ronnie: hit up another sibling to fix you Joe: am though Joe: she's always told me Joe: ⭐ boy Ronnie: talk her up with that foreplay Ronnie: be good for £££s Joe: no tah Joe: not my type Joe: and it's only ever worked on you Joe: but you've given me another idea so cheers Ronnie: i dunno whats funnier that youre trying to tell me you dont wanna slip your mum one or you reckon you know what works on me Joe: lemme know when you work it out Joe: 👍 Ronnie: let me know when youve stopped playing happy families Joe: you reckon i wanna be here Ronnie: didnt see no fingernail marks on my floor or walls Ronnie: still reckon you were dragged though yeah Joe: check your thighs Joe: ain't all perks being the favourite 💔 Ronnie: [sends him pics cos that bitch haha] Ronnie: grow a pair whipping boy Ronnie: before she says jump youre on the ledge Ronnie: its pathetic mckenna Joe: see Joe: ain't been that long Joe: only feels it, babe Ronnie: you'll need all that sweet talk for the local dope dealer Ronnie: but if you wanna think of me when you're turning tricks for them it'll go easier Joe: lovely as that'd be Joe: not in progressive london now Joe: gonna have to pay like the rest, worst luck Ronnie: go beg for your pocket money then kidda Ronnie: before she picks a new fave Ronnie: younger & prettier like Joe: nah Joe: we want her to Joe: remember Joe: then me and more importantly my student loans can come back Ronnie: bullshit if you wanted her to you wouldn't have gone Ronnie: you love it Joe: can't just go way uni and never come back Joe: send out a search party Ronnie: use your ⭐ as a beacon cant they Joe: let's hope not Joe: i come here Joe: keeps 'em away rest of the time Joe: yeah Ronnie: if you want em to fuck off commit to it Ronnie: stop being such a pussy Joe: ain't that easy Ronnie: find a ditch to lie down in Ronnie: it ain't hard Ronnie: youre a junkie motherfuckers don't support that Joe: far as they know Joe: i ain't Joe: let 'em catch up Ronnie: do it yourself if you wanna slam the door Joe: see how this goes Joe: not really thinking about them right now Joe: you know Ronnie: youre on one about that lot constantly Joe: just on one constantly full stop Joe: why else would i need the shit Ronnie: dont need to go that hard playing doctor baby Joe: 💘 Joe: you always know just what to say Ronnie: not used to you talking Joe: i know i know Joe: in an ideal world neither of us would be here Ronnie: like not born yeah Ronnie: but she cant keep her legs closed Joe: such a dreamer, you Ronnie: not the one who cant get high without their hand held Joe: n'awh Joe: that's the dream Joe: so romantic too Ronnie: yeah im living it loads of gear close & you far as Ronnie: greedy prick Joe: miss you too baby Joe: in a bit tho, gotta go pick up Ronnie: fuck off soft lad Ronnie: you miss me spoon feeding you Ronnie: you cant talk to me with a dealers cock in your mouth I know Ronnie: multitasking hard enough pretending not to be junkie scum yeah Joe: sure the whole mummy kink ain't your thing Joe: i'll try and get involved but kinda a mood killer Joe: which is kinda rude, know you don't want me to score Ronnie: thats all yours but I'll try anything once Ronnie: 'cause a whinging dope sick baby is really a turn on for me like Ronnie: just gotta keep that going Joe: no judgment here Joe: gotta do what you gotta do Ronnie: you gotta Ronnie: im sound Joe: and i'm happy for you Ronnie: lie to them don't lie to me Joe: alright Joe: will be a bit when I get mine but still Joe: you don't have to be here so Ronnie: you dont Ronnie: grow up & cut the fucking apron strings Joe: you've stopped being helpful for the day? Joe: right then Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: not flying over to fuck you cos your ma aint in the mood & thats as helpful as it gets Joe: why not Ronnie: youve got another sister Ronnie: see if shes into it Joe: but you're so special yeah Ronnie: but shes a good grooming age Joe: leave it out Ronnie: or what Joe: or what Ronnie: asked you first joseph Joe: alright veronica Ronnie: alright weak cunt Joe: probably Ronnie: pick up before you make me sick Ronnie: jesus Joe: waiting on the man Joe: as per Ronnie: if id known rattling had made you shit out your whole spine id have sucked his dick for you & sped things along Joe: so sweet Joe: one of the many things I like about you Ronnie: list just gets longer the longer youre away yeah Ronnie: dont come back & maybe you'll fall in love Joe: i know you want that less than you want me back Joe: don't lie Ronnie: you care what I want now Ronnie: 💘 Joe: only when it benefits me too, darling Joe: junkie scum 101 Joe: was on my timetable like Ronnie: theyve really done a number on you if youre on your knees for my truth Joe: who Joe: mummy dearest or my school Ronnie: take your pick Joe: ain't tryna hide it Joe: just doing my bit to be the whiny baby you want rn Ronnie: cheers then Ronnie: nailed that Ronnie: tell your ma i finally get how she feels 'cause its too late to get you scraped out Joe: 😂 Joe: on it Joe: assuming i ain't 'bout to get kneecapped Joe: or worse Joe: stood up 💔 Ronnie: i'll cross my fingers for raped & robbed Ronnie: standard Joe: you know i ain't gonna have that much of a good time without you 💘 Ronnie: stop trying to make me say I hate you so you can rub one out Ronnie: i dont do sexting Joe: worth a shot Joe: just killing time here Joe: trying not to puke Ronnie: hot Joe: mhmm Joe: like that attempt at enthusiasm Ronnie: you really know how to make a girl wet what can I say Ronnie: gotta romance my dealer out of want instead of need now Joe: thought I'd return the favour Joe: just how I roll Ronnie: course you do golden boy Joe: you ain't that mad about it Joe: i know Ronnie: i aint as fucking thick as you so again course Joe: true Joe: [time for drew to show and not deliver] Ronnie: made up about all these compliments Ronnie: who knew you could be this much on my tits from this distance Joe: just that good Joe: obviously Ronnie: you aint shit Ronnie: don't lie Joe: whatever Joe: can't touch me now Ronnie: only your ma is turned on at the sight of you Ronnie: but she will Joe: alright Joe: cba rn Ronnie: how are you still crying Ronnie: did he not show Joe: he did Joe: but he was about 12 and had no gear Joe: got enough tranqs to knock out an elephant but still Ronnie: when i told you to hit up your siblings i meant the freckled one not one of the toddlers Joe: yeah right Joe: like he knows a great smack dealer, even if we did talk Ronnie: hes a coke head Ronnie: give him 5 Joe: nah Joe: opposite direction Joe: only way is up Ronnie: whatever just get on a plane Joe: yeah Joe: i'm gonna Joe: fuck this Ronnie: ill be waiting with shit that aint a fucking joke Ronnie: you can owe me Joe: yeah? Joe: good Ronnie: don't talk me out of it Ronnie: christ you're annoying Joe: 🤐 Ronnie: only want you back on your feet so I can kick em out from under you myself Joe: hot Ronnie: like you said, it ain't been that long Ronnie: you know I am Joe: yeah Joe: where was this distraction when I really really needed it tho Ronnie: baby when have I ever been good for you Ronnie: selfish to my core Ronnie: we're here for me Joe: works for me Ronnie: just get to the airport & stop fannying about Joe: I've already taken 'em so hold on Joe: no packing now never mind going through customs Ronnie: fuck's sake Joe: i had to Ronnie: when then Joe: still today Joe: just later Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: call me Ronnie: maybe i'll answer if it ain't too late Joe: can i call you now too Joe: i gotta stay awake Ronnie: I'm good but no guarantees I'm that good Joe: they ain't kicked in that good yet either Joe: just keep my eyes on the road yeah Ronnie: how much did you pay for baby aspirin mckenna Joe: was cheap as fuck at least Joe: just a kid Joe: barely broke a 50 for all of these so Joe: [photo] Ronnie: not as green as you feel yeah Joe: want me to bring some back Ronnie: too late to rob the boy now Ronnie: & you'll take em yourself before you see me I know you Joe: yeah Joe: i will Joe: but had good intentions, babe Ronnie: take em to church Ronnie: what use is that shit to me Ronnie: gimme bad ideas or don't come around Joe: got plenty of those come on Ronnie: like what Ronnie: come on Joe: what Joe: tryna focus here Ronnie: you wanna stay awake Ronnie: play the game Joe: alright Joe: yeah Joe: you gonna come back to mine Joe: flatmate's gone home Ronnie: are you gonna make it worth it if she's not there to kick in the teeth Joe: won't need to miss her once I'm back Ronnie: fucked her yet? Ronnie: we could do it together Ronnie: I dont normally slip one to virgins but I already made the exception for you Joe: no and funny Joe: keep me as the only exception Joe: how else will i feel special Ronnie: keep hitting up preteen dealers that'll help Joe: he was pretty Ronnie: if im ever in the area like Joe: i wish Ronnie: you & your ma both Ronnie: my turn to feel special Joe: weird ain't it Ronnie: for me Ronnie: you love it Joe: nah Ronnie: not a question Ronnie: you do Joe: don't Ronnie: liar Joe: maybe from you Joe: I'll allow it Ronnie: those pills better be kicking in Ronnie: if youre chatting this much shit sober you can stay in ireland Joe: 😂 Joe: they are Ronnie: book a flight Ronnie: i ain't your ma im not doing it Joe: lemme get home, like Joe: be more obvious you're tryna kill me Ronnie: what im trying to do Ronnie: you gonna call that your home now Joe: you know what i mean Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: i know youre full of shit, mckenna Joe: nah Joe: just bars Joe: make it up to you Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: x it as many times as fits Joe: k Joe: prove it when i see you Ronnie: you reckon Joe: not a question Ronnie: nah just bold claims for someone who still fucks like a virgin & has to check in with his ma Ronnie: can you without her permission Joe: get the slip signed if you're so worried Joe: chill out Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: couple of chewable vitamins & you're chill yeah Joe: you said you got loads Ronnie: I said enough Ronnie: & that was before babysitting you Ronnie: you make me need to spike every vein Joe: need Joe: want Joe: same diff we both know it Ronnie: not trying to make it matter baby Ronnie: put any words in my mouth you want Ronnie: or need Joe: here Joe: wish me luck on telling 'em i'm off Joe: or don't Ronnie: i'll do it for you Ronnie: point me at the relevant mckennas Joe: even stoned Joe: know that ain't a good idea Ronnie: pussy Joe: love u 2 Ronnie: 💋 Joe: [suitable amount of hours for the shit to wear off to a manageable level, avoid the parents and get out on the sly] Joe: [airport photo] Joe: tada Ronnie: we reckoned you'd bottled it Joe: taken a poll like Ronnie: yeah know you like to feel special Joe: warms my cold dead 💘 Joe: honest Ronnie: walk your corpse to me then Joe: and she says she don't sext Ronnie: you wanna be the only exception so bad or what Joe: you know how bad i want it Ronnie: dont leave again & maybe I'll buy it Joe: being dopesick was almost a nice distraction from thinking about you Ronnie: that warms my 🖤 Joe: thought so Joe: nothing does it quite like me being near-death yeah Ronnie: i do like you pathetic Ronnie: but don't think that any of it comes close to me yeah Joe: you saying you're better than heroin Ronnie: im saying you think you were hurting earlier Ronnie: ill show you pain Ronnie: all you have to do is fuck off again Joe: i won't Joe: i need to be there Joe: with you Ronnie: leave me & I will fucking break you Ronnie: i mean it Joe: i know Joe: i'm not gonna Ronnie: how did you get out Joe: parents weren't in but i said a uni friend was in a car accident and they couldn't get hold of his parents Joe: going hell anyway Joe: and someone on my course was hit by a car so if any of them are that concerned to go snooping Ronnie: thats beautiful Ronnie: you're not as much of a useless waster as youve sounded for most of the day like Joe: steady Joe: was almost not an insult Ronnie: who isn't turned on by a good lie Joe: only when I lie to you Joe: got it Ronnie: don't you fucking dare lie to me Joe: couldn't if i wanted to Ronnie: think about what kind of welcome back you want Ronnie: 'cause I can be nice or not nice Ronnie: its on you & what you say to me Joe: baby Joe: already told you I basically missed you more than heroin, how nice can one boy be Ronnie: you wont be saying that when I hand the gear over Joe: yeah i will Joe: been on you longer Ronnie: its fucking good though Joe: yeah Joe: ain't gonna say otherwise Ronnie: paid more & got better so you won't wanna leave Ronnie: dont have to rely on pretty preteens around here Joe: you know i didn't wanna leave in the first place Ronnie: i know you keep saying it like it makes a difference Joe: tell me what will and i'll do it Ronnie: i'll burn your passport that will Joe: burn my passport Joe: that's what you want? Ronnie: what do you have to go running to them for Ronnie: that's what I wanna know Ronnie: what the fuck is there for you Ronnie: cant even get a fix Joe: nothing, never has been Joe: it's obligation though Joe: you get it, i know you've done some shit just 'cos charlie wants to Joe: or 'cos bronson need it Ronnie: that's different Joe: why Ronnie: I ain't going round bullshitting how much i hate 'em on the one breath & in the other dropping everything for the pair of 'em Ronnie: ride or die is that Joe: okay so it is different Joe: it's more complicated Ronnie: fuck complicated its black & white Joe: nah like Joe: whatever i reckon about them Joe: i still owe 'em Joe: for now Joe: debts to pay like Ronnie: how ain't it been paid Ronnie: they ain't done you right since you were a kid Ronnie: if ever Ronnie: a roof & food that's easily totalled Joe: i dunno Joe: shit ton of interest Joe: learnt from the best debt collectors in liverpool, like Ronnie: write it off Ronnie: is when youre dead Joe: tell 'em that's my payment plan Ronnie: talking it out is your first mistake Ronnie: when the fuck has that worked on anyone who comes to collect Ronnie: dont even buy you time just makes you look a doss cunt more than you are Joe: maybe i can convince my da but you know she's biased Joe: all i have to do is get uni done and they can tick it off as a success Ronnie: i dont know jack about her Ronnie: how i want it Ronnie: if i aint read it off a file as a kid i don't need to hear it Joe: yeah Joe: but i ain't telling you i'm golden boy 'cos it seems cool am i Joe: whatever i'm gone now Ronnie: you're telling me 'cause you wanna trade wounds since I won't have your stories off you Ronnie: burn it into your arm deeper & maybe I'll pay attention Joe: you know it ain't about you, babe Joe: anyway, if we were still being nice I'd tell you none of the usual shit works to get you outta my head so thanks for that one Ronnie: ive been saying all day it's about her & I ain't competing with your fucking ma alright Ronnie: she smothered you poor baby Ronnie: you wanna try neglect its real easy Ronnie: feels better too Joe: you're the one who keeps bringing her up, yeah Joe: you want me to be that cunt Joe: easy Joe: I bet it was better, lucky you Ronnie: youre the one who ran home to have her tuck you in again Ronnie: youre that cunt Ronnie: mama's boy Joe: fuck's sake Joe: yeah alright Ronnie: you're the cunt who has the nerve to come crying to me when your mommy would shoot you up if you asked her to Joe: you reckon Joe: considering her dad was and she don't even hate yours as much i'll go with a no on that one Joe: plenty of sad stories I've heard and you ain't need to Ronnie: I reckon golden boy Ronnie: loves you as much as I love gear yeah Ronnie: & not trying to throw another baby away so you're welcome for the free pass Joe: cheers Joe: feels great Ronnie: you gonna cry again mckenna Joe: if i do i'll send you photos, don't worry Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: send me some either way Joe: you're a headfuck you know Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: dealer said it last time I fucked him Joe: you want fresh line Joe: 👌 Ronnie: give it to me then Joe: give me the flight to think of something you ain't heard before Ronnie: it ain't long enough Joe: fair there's plenty of shit i can say that you ain't heard for real before Joe: but it'd be a copout so i'll keep trying Ronnie: like what Joe: how many of your brothers you fucked lik4 Ronnie: don't reckon freckles is interested Ronnie: leaves me the gay & the kid Ronnie: what about your sister that'd be hot like Joe: they're all kids, just so you know Ronnie: no they ain't Ronnie: i know you lost your virginity to me but don't reckon they're waiting Joe: you wish Joe: hopefully just on the first count Ronnie: you're a sick boy Ronnie: 💋🖕 Joe: you too baby Joe: 💘 Ronnie: thats not some shit I ain't heard before Joe: just truth though Joe: no lying Ronnie: feels like one Ronnie: I'm good Joe: what you want me to say to that Ronnie: say what you wanna say Ronnie: again not your ma Joe: i'm good then Ronnie: truth or lie Joe: lie but not a big one Joe: true once i'm off this plane Ronnie: you out of sweeties or they're just that sugar free Joe: i'm trying to time it just right Joe: then i can actually just a decent amount and not be in a coma for you Ronnie: alright fuck Ronnie: you win Ronnie: nobody's said that to me before Joe: i mean it Joe: i want you first Ronnie: don't say this shit when you're on the wrong side of a plane ride Ronnie: jesus mckenna Joe: gotta make sure you miss me too Ronnie: you're such a cunt Joe: yeah Joe: you still want me though Ronnie: shut the fuck up Joe: why Ronnie: what do you want me to say Joe: you don't have to say anything Joe: but I ain't gonna shut up about how I ain't been able to get you out of my head this whole time Ronnie: yeah you said im a headfuck Ronnie: more than your family & the gear Ronnie: I'll take it Joe: better though Joe: you know Joe: so I'll take it and all Ronnie: you're a headfuck Ronnie: what are you being nice to me for Joe: you said it could go one of two ways Joe: you want me to be mean Ronnie: I want you to be here Ronnie: but you ain't Joe: I'm coming Ronnie: & I'm waiting on you Ronnie: what the fuck Joe: I know Ronnie: I hate you Ronnie: I'm losing it, do you know that Joe: I'm sorry Ronnie: what am I gonna do with that Joe: I don't know Joe: what do you want me to do Ronnie: what can you do Ronnie: can't even score by yourself Ronnie: worse than a fucking kid Joe: was desperate Joe: and it was your idea Ronnie: thats how it is every time Ronnie: you don't have any fucking idea 'cause I'm here cupping your balls & wiping your arse for you Joe: you've been giving me an easy ride of it yeah Joe: alright Ronnie: youre gonna try & call bullshit on that yeah Joe: nah i just had no idea you were being so generous Joe: would've got you a keychain at least Ronnie: fuck you Joe: you too Ronnie: get one with sharp edges we can make a blood oath or some shit Ronnie: maybe after you'll grow the hell up Joe: sure Joe: it's my speciality yeah Ronnie: cutting's more mine but you can have it Ronnie: same old shit gets boring yeah Joe: we can share Joe: she'd be proud Ronnie: my aspiration in life Ronnie: cheers Joe: obvs mine too Ronnie: you brought her up then not me Joe: reckon you owed me that one so Joe: even Ronnie: 💋🖕 Joe: you're cute Ronnie: say that again & you'll be swallowing teeth Joe: don't worry, that was hot Joe: you won it back Ronnie: go to hell mckenna Joe: you wanna be with me forever Joe: 💘 Ronnie: just reckoning you'll get there quicker than you will this fucking airport Joe: just be glad I didn't try to get back in at rush hour Ronnie: be glad im still waiting Joe: ain't gonna waste words on it Joe: show you Ronnie: 💘

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buoyantsaturn · 6 years ago

Text

I’m in Hell (2/?)

summary: Nico and Will get closer as Christmas nears. Then there’s angst. And then it’s Nico’s birthday!

word count: 16,413 (31,375 current total)

read on ao3 | read part one

Will hardly ever texted Nico more than once without a response, so when Nico received three texts from him in a row, he was already concerned.

FROM: Will; Hey

FROM: Will; I have a weird question for you FROM: Will; Have you had the chickenpox vaccine?

TO: Will; why

FROM: Will; I need you to pick up some calamine lotion and bring it over

TO: Will; i’ll be there in half an hour

Nico rolled out of bed, having yet to leave his room that morning, and threw on whatever clothes he could find before heading out with a shout of, “I’m going to Will’s,” to Hazel before he left. He drove to the nearest drugstore to pick up the calamine lotion before heading to Will’s, using his key on the locked door once he arrived.

“Hello?” he called into the house as he kicked off his shoes by the door.

“In here,” Will’s voice came from somewhere else, but before Nico could go in to find him, Will continued, “Wait! You never told me if you had the vaccine!”

“I didn’t,” Nico replied, stepping around the corner toward the living room, where he guessed Will to be. “I had chickenpox when I was four.” He held up the grocery bag when he saw Will and Bianca sitting on the couch. “You asked for calamine?”

“Nico,” Bianca started, voice whiny as she reached out toward him with a mitten-covered hand, “can you get rid of my chickenpox?”

Nico took the bottle of lotion out of the bag and walked over to the couch to hand it over to Will as he said, “Sorry, Princess, you gotta let it run its course.” He looked up when Will took the lotion from his hand and Nico spotted red marks along his arm, mixed in amongst his freckles. “You...have the chickenpox.”

Will frowned up at him. “Yes?”

“You--” Nico snorted, and covered his mouth with his hand as he started to laugh. “A grown man. I’ve never seen an adult who has chickenpox.”

Will’s frown turned to a pout. “It’s not like I planned it. Bi got it from someone at school, and apparently the vaccine only works ninety-five percent of the time.”

“Aren’t you special, then,” Nico said, and sat down on the couch in between the two Solaces. He turned to Bianca and suggested, “Bi, why don’t you go put on some shorts and short sleeves, and then you can put on the calamine lotion to help with the itching.”

“But then I’ll be cold,” Bianca complained.

“It’ll help.”

“How?”

Nico paused. “Well, when my nephew had the chickenpox, he said that he felt better when his clothes weren’t rubbing on him and making him itchier. And the lotion might make your clothes stick to you and make it worse, if you’re wearing long pants and long sleeves.”

Bianca sighed. “Okay.” She hopped off the couch and went into her bedroom to change, shutting the door behind herself.

“You can take the mittens off to change, but don’t scratch or you’ll scar!” Will called after her.

Nico had to stop himself from jumping, having somehow forgotten that Will was there beside him. He wasn’t used to being around Will for longer than it took him to run out the door to go to work. He definitely wasn’t used to sitting and talking with him when Bianca wasn’t in the room, and now that she wasn’t hogging half of the couch, Nico suddenly felt much too close to Will.

“I, uh, I didn’t know you had a nephew,” Will said.

“There’s a lot of things we don’t know about each other,” Nico replied, and he felt the corner of his mouth quirk up. Wait a second, was he flirting? He shouldn’t be flirting, what if Will caught on? What if he somehow found out about that dream that Nico had of the two of them in bed together? Woah, Nico thought. Slow down.

“Was that true?” Will asked, and Nico’s mind went blank as he tried to remember the last thing he’d said. Had he been thinking out loud? Oh no, did he mention the dream? “About how the clothes rubbing on your nephew’s chickenpox made the itching worse?”

Nico’s racing heart suddenly stopped, and he felt his tension flood away from him. “Well, I wasn’t about to tell Bianca that he was only a year and a half old and preferred to run around in just his diaper most of the time, but yeah, it helped as far as I could tell.”

“I’m surprised you don’t have your own inside tips,” Nico said. “You know, being a doctor and all. I’d think you would know all the secrets.”

Will grinned. “Maybe for other things, but it’s not like I’m a pediatrician. I’ve clearly never interacted with somebody who has the chickenpox if I haven’t contracted them until now.”

Nico’s smile grew until it was almost as bright as Will’s. “I still think that’s hilarious. You: an adult with a child, just now catching the chickenpox, a baby’s disease.”

Will rolled his eyes and looked away, but Nico could still see that he was smiling. “Ha ha, sure, laugh at the man suffering from that baby’s disease.”

“I would hardly call it suffering, you seem fine!” Nico argued with a laugh. “I haven’t even seen you pretend to scratch this whole time. If I had to guess, I’d say you’re faking it.”

Of course, as soon as Nico said that, a spark of realization shone in Will’s eyes, and he reached up to scratch as his cheek before pulling his hand away just as quick. “I guess you distracted me just enough to keep my mind off of it.”

Before Nico could think of a response - but after he’d started to realize that he was staring straight into Will’s sky-like eyes - Bianca returned from her room and plopped herself right down in Nico’s lap, ignoring the open couch cushion next to him.

“I’m ready!” she announced, and with that, whatever was happening between Nico and Will seemed to break, and all attention was on Bianca once more.

Once both Solaces were coated in calamine lotion, Bianca insisted that Nico stay to watch a movie with them, which led to them watching the movie’s sequel. By the time the second movie was over, it was close enough to dinner time that they were all getting hungry, and Nico offered to make dinner. It wasn’t until Will was putting Bianca to bed that Nico started to head out, but Will called after him quietly and stopped him in the kitchen.

“Thanks again for stopping by,” Will told him. “I couldn’t exactly go out in public since I’m still contagious, and I can’t go back to work until next week because of this--”

“Oh. Okay, so you don’t need me,” Nico said, hoping that he didn’t let his disappointment show. “I guess just let me know--”

“You could still come over,” Will cut in hurriedly, and started to backtrack just as fast. “I mean, if you wanted to. You don’t have to, but, uh, I’m sure Bianca would appreciate it. But I know you probably have your own stuff to do, so, uh--”

“Sure, just...text me. If you want. Or call, or...whatever.” He stepped toward the door, throwing a thumb over his shoulder as he said, “I’m gonna go home now. I’ll see you--”

“Yeah, I’ll let you know.”

“Cool,” Nico said, and walked out the door.

He banged his head against his steering wheel a few times before driving home.

As soon as the Solaces were officially no longer contagious, Bianca returned to school and Will went back to work, which meant that Nico was at the Solace household almost every hour of the day once again - though he still tried to sleep in his own bed most of the time, because he was certain that couch was trying to kill him.

There was one morning - afternoon to Will, but still morning to Nico - that Will woke Nico up with a call, as usual.

“Hey, Nico,” Will greeted, and Nico made some kind of noise in response. “I have an overnight shift this week, from Tuesday into Wednesday, so I’ll need you to stay over Tuesday night to take Bi to school in the morning, but I’ll be home to pick her up. And then I’ll need you all day on Thursday, and--”

“Wait, Thursday?” Nico cut in. “Solace, that’s Thanksgiving. I’ll be in the Upper East Side all day.”

“It’s...oh. Right, of course it’s Thanksgiving. Okay, never mind about Thursday. I’ll, um. See you Tuesday.”

“Sure,” Nico said, seconds before Will ended the call.

Thursday morning, at what seemed like the crack of dawn to Nico but was really about nine-thirty, he and Hazel drove to the Upper East Side of Manhattan. They climbed the stairs to the third floor walk-up that Nico had lived in just a year earlier, and the door opened to reveal the smiling faces of Paul and Estelle Blofis.

Nico was immediately torn between taking the baby from her father’s arms and heading to the kitchen to help Sally with the cooking, so he walked into the living room to find Percy and Annabeth and their son Luke instead. It wasn’t until he’d made his rounds and said hello and gave too many hugs that he made his way into the kitchen.

Sally was the only one in the room, and Nico said a quick hello before he started peeling potatoes. Annabeth must have followed him into the kitchen, because she was suddenly at his side with her arms crossed over her chest.

“You haven’t called,” she told him.

“He hasn’t called me in a while either,” Sally chimed in.

Nico rolled his eyes. “I’ve been busy.”

“Oh, of course,” Annabeth teased. “With Will. How’s that going?”

Nico shrugged. “Fine, I guess, I dunno.”

“Will is the doctor, right?” Sally asked.

“Yes--”

“With the daughter that you’ve been taking care of,” Annabeth continued.

“Uh huh.”

“If you start talking, then we’ll stop asking questions.”

Nico sighed. “Alright, fine. Uh, the kid’s cute, it’s nice to have a reason to get out of my apartment every day. It actually is helping with my classes too, like, I’ve been getting new ideas all the time, and I finally have the motivation to do my homework. And Will’s great, too, he’s--” Nico stopped himself before he said something that could be used against him, and cleared his throat awkwardly. “Um. He’s...around, sometimes.”

“And this Will,” Annabeth said in a voice that put Nico on edge. “He wouldn’t happen to be the same guy you have a middle school crush on, would he?”

Sally turned toward them with an eyebrow raised and an amused smile. “What was that?”

“Oh, you haven’t seen the video?” Annabeth pulled out her phone with a devious grin.

Nico dropped the potato he was peeling on the counter alongside the peeler and lunged for Annabeth’s phone. “Annabeth, no!”

She played the video and forced the phone into Sally’s hands, holding Nico back as he fought to take the phone.

“No fighting in the kitchen, you two,” Sally told them, laughing as she handed the phone back to Annabeth. “And I think that’s cute, Nico.”

“I’m not cute,” Nico grumbled, and stomped out of the kitchen.

Frank had been given a two-day leave from West Point which allowed him to make it to Sally’s just in time for dinner. However, Frank’s arrival also meant that he and Hazel would be sharing the pull-out couch that night, which put Nico on the living room floor while the Jackson-Chases were crammed into the guest room-slash-Estelle’s room.

Nico was used to not being able to sleep, especially when everyone else was heading to bad much earlier than he usually did himself, so he wasn’t surprised when he tossed and turned half of the night until he finally fell asleep at what he guessed was around three. He also wasn’t surprised - irritated, but not surprised - when his phone started ringing, waking him up so that he could hear everyone else already awake and in the kitchen.

“Hello?” Nico grumbled as he sat up off the floor.

“Good morning!” Will said cheerily on the other end of the call. “Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?”

Nico made a noncommittal noise in response as he stood up and started toward the kitchen. He was pretty sure he smelled coffee, and he desperately needed some of that.

Will laughed. “Alright, I get that. Did you make it home yet? I have to go into work this afternoon, so I need you to come over.”

Nico pulled a mug down from one of the cabinets before pouring himself a cup of coffee. He tried to ignore the eyes he could feel on his back and how quiet the room around him had become. “I stayed the night up here, but I can be home in a couple of hours. What time do you need me?”

“Can you be here by one?”

Nico pulled the phone away from his face to read the time: 9:20am. He held back a groan; he should not be awake this early. “Yeah, I can do that.”

“Great! Thanks, Nico. I’ll see you later!”

“Bye,” Nico said, and ended the call.

“Aw, Neeks, you’re so whipped!” Percy called out to him with a giant smile, and Nico made sure that Luke and Estelle weren’t looking his way when he flipped Percy off while taking a sip of his coffee.

Annabeth shoved at Percy’s shoulder before telling Nico, “You two should come over for dinner sometime after you get together. No! All three of you. I bet Will’s daughter and Luke will get along great!”

“You can’t just assume that all kids are gonna get along, Annabeth.” Nico rolled his eyes and sat down at the table next to his sister. “Hazel, I need to leave soon. Are you coming with me, or are you going with Frank?”

Instead of answering, Hazel turned to Frank and gave him a look. Frank said to Nico, “I’ll drive her home.”

“I hope you’re not thinking of leaving before breakfast,” Sally said as she set down a plate of blue pancakes in front of him. “Paul made plenty so you had better eat your fair share.”

Nico didn’t argue. He didn’t know what Paul put in his pancakes, but Nico could never make his own taste quite as good.

After he finished eating, he said his goodbyes and started toward the door, but Annabeth stopped him before he could step out.

“You should call more often, you know,” Annabeth told him, forcing a hug on him, though he only pretended to hate it. “Maybe I can give you some tips on raising your kid.”

“She’s not my kid,” Nico reminded her, pulling out of the hug. “I’m not raising her, either, just...looking after her sometimes.”

Annabeth winked. “Maybe one day.”

Nico rolled his eyes so hard that his head tipped back with the force of it, and he walked out the door.

Will would never tell anyone - especially not Lou Ellen - how much he loved calling Nico every morning. No matter how terrible his morning could be, hearing Nico’s sleepy voice always put a smile on his face.

One particular morning had been pretty terrible, full of a cranky Bianca who didn’t want to go to school and angry patients who refused to cooperate, and Will knew there was only one thing that could make his day better.

He called Nico.

And somebody else picked up the phone.

“Hello?” came a perky female voice through the speaker.

Will was so taken aback that he forgot to answer until the voice said another, slightly more confused hello? “Oh, uh, hi! I’m sorry, I must have the wrong number...somehow.”

“Wait, no! You’re Will, right?” she asked. “Nico’s told me a lot about you.”

Will wanted to feel flattered but he was too confused to know what he should be feeling. “Um. Yes, I’m Will. Is he, um. Is Nico there? Can I talk to him?”

There was a short hesitation before, “Nico’s a little...under the weather. I don’t think he’s really up for talking to anyone right now.”

“Is he okay?” Will felt his confusion vanish as worry filled him like ice through his veins. “I’m a doctor, I could come check him out--over, I could come check him over--” He took a breath and said, quieter this time, “Is he okay?”

“No, no, don’t trouble yourself with him,” she said with a gentle laugh. “This is just his annual thing. You know how it is, right? He’ll be back to his normal self soon enough.”

Will wasn’t really sure he understood, but he still said, “Yeah, I...get it. Um. Do you think he’ll be okay by tomorrow? I was kind of hoping he could pick my daughter up from school today, but I can figure something out.”

“Give me just a second and I’ll go see how he’s feeling, okay?”

Hazel set Nico’s phone down on the coffee table where he’d left it a few days earlier and went to his room, knocking before she entered. Nico was laying on his side, facing the wall, but somehow Hazel knew that he wasn’t asleep. She sat on the edge of his mattress and placed a hand on his arm comfortingly.

She had tried speaking to him many times in the past few days, asking if he was hungry, or if he was feeling any better, but she never got any response from him. She’d barely even gotten him to drink any water.

“Nico,” she said softly, “Will called.” He shifted under her hand - the most reaction he’s shown in days. “He wants to know if you’ll be okay tomorrow for Bianca.” He flinched at the mention of her name, though Hazel knew it was a different Bianca he was thinking of. “He’ll understand if you can’t be there, but he does need an answer soon, okay?”

She waited a moment, giving him an opportunity to respond like she always did, but stood up when he said nothing. She made it to the door before she was stopped by the sound of her brother’s voice.

“I’ll be there,” Nico croaked.

Hazel walked back over to him and pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “I’ll let him know.”

She left the room, shutting the door behind herself, and returned to the living room where Will was still waiting for his answer. “Nico said he’ll be there,” she told him.

“Are you sure he’s okay?” Will asked one final time, and Hazel could hear the sincere worry in Will’s tone.

She thought back to the video she had saved on her phone of Nico practically confessing his love for the other man, and smiled to herself. Maybe Hazel couldn’t do much to help her brother, but if anyone could, she was sure it was Will. “He’ll be just fine.”

Will couldn’t get that woman’s voice out of his head for the rest of the day. He tried to continue about his day after venting to a very interested Lou Ellen during lunch, and he had to sneak out for a little over half an hour to pick Bianca up from school and bring her back to the hospital. He really hoped the hospital’s daycare was open to kids over the age of five, otherwise he might have to hide Bianca away in Lou’s room until his shift was over.

When he walked into the school’s front office and found Bianca waiting amongst a small crowd of other children, Will saw this his daughter looked confused.

“Where’s Nico?” she asked without greeting.

“He’s...sick,” Will answered, and led her out to the car where he buckled her into her carseat and returned to the driver’s seat.

“He didn’t catch my chickenpox, did he?”

“No, he doesn’t have chickenpox. You can only get those once, and he had them when he was your age.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, Bi.”

“Do you think he’s sad?”

Will met his daughter’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “Why do you think he would be sad?”

“Nico told me that his sister started living on the moon in December,” Bianca said. “It’s December right now. Do you think he misses his sister?”

Will thought back to the story Bianca had told him of Nico’s sister, remembering how he’d doubted any truth in the story, but realizing now that there might have been one very real part of it. He felt himself filling with dread at the thought of Nico being so sad that he couldn’t even leave his own house. Will was a doctor - he knew exactly what to prescribe to fix just about any physical ailment that he came across, but sadness? How could Will fix that?

“You might be right, Bianca,” he said after a short pause. “But the only thing that can make sadness better is time.”

“And cookies!” Bianca exclaimed. “We should make cookies for him. Cookies make everybody happy.”

Will smiled. “Okay, sure. We’ll make cookies for him tomorrow morning before I have to go to work.”

Thankfully, when they got to the hospital, Bianca was accepted happily into the daycare so that Will could return to work. Even more thankfully, there were no severe emergencies that couldn’t be handled by the surgical interns and emergency room nurses, which meant that Will and Bianca were able to leave, swing through a fast food drive-through, stop by the store for cookie ingredients, and arrive home just in time for Bianca to get ready for bed.

Will felt ready to collapse in his own bed, but knew that he needed clean clothes for the next day and a shower wouldn’t kill him, plus there was a sink full of dishes that he knew Nico would normally wash but Will felt bad intentionally leaving them for him when Nico wasn’t in the healthiest state.

Of course, unfortunately for Will, all the mindless activities gave him time to think, to remember the perky voice he’d heard through the phone and overthink everything about her. Who was she? Why was she in Nico’s apartment? Why would she answer Nico’s phone? Was she Nico’s girlfriend? Why would she say that she’d heard so much about him in such a knowing tone?

Will tried to force those thoughts out of his head as he finally laid down in bed that night, but the thought of that woman being in Nico’s apartment when Will was in his own home so far away drove Will to pulling out his phone and sending a quick text to Nico before he shut his eyes and tried to fall asleep.

TO: Nico; Call me if you need anything. And I really do mean anything.

When he woke up the next morning, there was no response and no missed calls.

Nico was assaulted by the smell of chocolate when he walked into the Solace house. He didn’t call out a hello as he usually did, just kicked his shoes off by the door and walked into the kitchen where he found a heaping plate of chocolate chip cookies sitting on the island.

“Oh,” came a voice to his left, and Nico turned to see Will standing in the hallway. He smiled brightly at Nico as he unfroze himself and continued into the kitchen. “I wasn’t sure if you were still coming.”

“Do you...not need me?” Nico asked quietly, voice hoarse from disuse, and he cleared his throat after speaking to ward off the cough he felt coming.

“No, I do! I just--” Will scratched the back of his head awkwardly, “--wasn’t sure if you were...up for it.”

“Did Hazel say something to you?” Nico asked.

Before Will could answer, Bianca came running down the hall shouting Nico’s name, and attached herself to his side. “Nico, I missed you!”

Nico pulled her away from him so that he could crouch down and hug her properly. “I missed you too, Princess,” he whispered, hoping his voice didn’t shake as much as it felt like it had. When he pulled away, he could barely look at her - she looked so much like his Bianca, it was almost too much to bear. He stood back up and averted his eyes, blinking furiously to keep any tears from spilling.

“We made you cookies!” Bianca exclaimed and pointed to the plate on the island. “Cookies make everybody happy, so if you eat a lot of cookies then you won’t be sad anymore!”

“What makes you think I’m sad?” Nico asked.

“Well, aren’t you?”

That’s fair, Nico thought to himself. Instead, he said, “Thank you, Princess.”

“Hugs help too!” Bianca said, and wrapped her arms around Nico again. “Daddy gives really good hugs, they make me feel not sad anymore all the time, so you should hug him, too!”

Bianca released him once again, only to run over to Will and drag him closer until the two men were within hugging distance of each other. Will’s smile had turned a little uncomfortable, but Nico had his eyes locked on his shoulder so that he wouldn’t have to meet Will’s eyes. The blue of his scrubs were dull compared to his eyes; it was easier to look at and not feel quite so ashamed of his overwhelming sadness.

Will’s arms closed around him, and Nico was surrounded by warmth - a pleasant, living warmth, so unlike the uncomfortable heat of his blanket cocoon of depression that he’d been living in all weekend. He pressed his face into Will’s shoulder - was he really an entire head shorter than Will? He’d never noticed - and carefully wrapped his own arms around Will’s back, like he was afraid that too quick of a movement would scare him away.

“I’m sorry about your sister,” Will whispered, and Nico felt himself stiffen, one of his hands balling into a fist around the fabric of Will’s shirt. “You don’t have to stay. You can take another day if you need it. Take as much time as you need.”

Nico shook his head and pulled himself away. He hated the feeling of leaving Will’s warmth, of feeling the cool air surround him, only wishing he could press himself up against Will until he forgot all about ever being sad.

“I’m fine,” he lied.

“Are you sure?” Will asked. “I can try to bribe the daycare at the hospital to watch Bianca for another day, but I do need to leave, like, now.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Nico said, cracking the tiniest of smiles. It probably wasn’t even noticeable, but he could feel it.

Will stepped away from Nico and knelt down to kiss the top of Bianca’s head with a goodbye, I love you.

“Thanks for the cookies,” Nico said, eyes flickering up just long enough to catch Will’s brilliant smile.

“Please don’t let Bianca eat all of them.” He walked around Nico to put on his shoes and grab his coat and his keys. “I’ll see you later, and I’ll text you when I’m on my way home.”

When Will turned back around to face him, Nico held the plate of cookies out toward him. “Take one. Or three, it’s not like I’ll be able to eat them all.”

Will took a single cookie and bit into it, letting out an appreciative noise at the taste of chocolate. He swallowed the bite before saying, “Bye, Nico,” and started out the door.

“Bye, Sunshine.”

FROM: Kayla; Hey Will! It’s me, your favorite half-sister! I just remembered that you live in New York now, so I wanted to invite you to my Christmas party on Friday! It’ll be pretty small and you probably won’t know anyone besides me and Austin, but we would love to get to know you better, so you should come!!! And YES you should wear your ugliest sweater!

TO: Kayla; I’ll have to make sure I have someone to watch my daughter, but that sounds great! Also: who’s Austin?

FROM: Kayla; Our brother??

TO: Kayla; We have a brother???

Nico was still fragile after the anniversary of his sister’s death, and all Will wanted was to wrap Nico in his arms and hold him until his smile returned, but Will knew that the touch wouldn’t be welcomed. Nico flinched even when Bianca hugged him, and it broke Will’s heart to see him in such a state.

It made him feel even worse when he had to ask Nico to stay late on Friday just so that Will could go to a party. Nico told him continuously not to worry about it, and Will kept saying that he would try not to be out late and promised that he would finish the guest room soon.

Will changed into a pair of jeans and his only Christmas sweater before requesting an Uber and leaving for Kayla’s apartment - he didn’t want to drive himself in case he decided to have a few drinks. He realized that he’d made the right choice when Kayla insisted on doing a shot with him as soon as Will arrived, and then pushed a cup of spiked eggnog into his hands.

After just an hour into the party, Will was already well past tispy.

Nico never slept well in December, and had already been planning on leaving once Will came home so that he could try to sleep in his own bed. Then it was after two in the morning, and Nico heard a kind of faint scratching coming from the direction of the front door, like someone struggling to get a key into a lock.

Nico felt a surge of anger flow through him, and tensed when he finally heard the door open. “Honey, I’m home!” Will’s voice came from the kitchen, followed by drunken giggles and the sound of keys being dropped on the counter.

Nico rose from the couch and stood at the end of the hallway, stopping Will before he could leave the kitchen. “Bianca’s sleeping,” he said in a harsh whisper. “You should keep your voice down.”

Will was smiling brightly down at Nico, but he quickly melted into a childish pout. “Are you mad at me?”

Nico huffed, crossing his arms and glancing to the side. “No, I’m not mad, but you’re going to wake Bianca--”

“I don’t want you to be mad, at me or ever,” Will cut in, stepping forward. “I don’t want you to be sad anymore, either. I want you to be happy. Can I help you be happy?” Will came even closer until his hands were resting on Nico’s arms and he was leaning in, sky-blue eyes flickering from Nico’s eyes to his lips and back.

Nico felt frozen under Will’s hands, under his gaze, feeling Will press even closer until Nico could smell the alcohol on Will’s breath, and pushed him away. “Don’t touch me!” Nico exclaimed, stumbling backwards.

When he looked back up, Will was pouting again, looking like a puppy that Nico had just kicked away. Nico pointed down to the other end of the hall where Will’s room was located, and said, “Go sleep this off.”

“Come with me,” Will said, stopping directly in front of Nico once again.

“No,” Nico told him sternly and shoved Will toward his room. “Go to sleep. I’m going to get you some water.”

He waited until he heard Will’s door opening before he looked up again, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Nico started back toward Will’s room when he heard a loud thud, concerned at first before he heard laughter, loud and bubbly, and when Nico pushed open the door he saw Will sitting upright on the floor with his legs out in front of him.

“I tried to take my shoes off and I fell over!” Will cackled.

Nico walked past him and set the glass down on Will’s nightstand before he tugged off Will’s shoes and pulled him back to his feet. Will immediately dropped down onto the edge of his bed and pulled Nico in until he was standing between Will’s knees.

“Stop,” Nico said, shaking off Will’s grip and walking across the room to leave. “You’re going to overheat if you sleep in that sweater.”

“Why don’t you come over here and take it off of me?”

Nico froze, one hand on the doorknob. Why is this happening to me? he thought to himself. Since moving to New York, Nico had been relying on meaningless hookups to distract himself from the pain he felt, most frequently around that time of the year, when he was at his lowest. He’d been better since he’d started looking after Bianca - having another person to look after had proved to be a much better distraction than sex - but Nico had been starting to crave another person’s touch more than usual. Not just anyone, either, but Will’s touch specifically.

Why would Will only start to show interest in him when he was too drunk to take off his own shoes? Why did it have to be now, when Nico’s head was clouded by so many other thoughts and feelings that were normally exactly what he would want to be distracted from? Why wasn’t Nico jumping into bed with Will right now, when both of them so clearly wanted it?

Nico’s hand tightened around the doorknob, turning it and opening the door. “Goodnight, Will.”

He closed the door behind himself as he walked out, and flopped down on to the couch. Nico took out his phone and started to write out a text.

TO: RARA; are you awake? i need someone to talk to

Will felt like he’d just walked through Hell. His head was pounding and he felt like any movement would cause him to vomit. His ass hurt for some reason, so he assumed he must have slipped and fallen on some ice outside at some point. He couldn’t even remember how he’d gotten home the night before, but at least he knew he hadn’t had his own car.

Will crawled out of bed and left his room, making a pit stop in the bathroom and waiting there for the nausea to pass before he went out to the living room.

“Daddy!” Bianca exclaimed as soon as she saw him, and Will winced at the high pitch of her voice. She jumped up off the couch and ran toward him, wrapping her arms around him, and said, “You were asleep for so long! You never sleep longer than me!”

“I guess I was just really tired,” Will told her. He glanced back toward the couch where Nico’s eyes were fixed on the TV, and Will felt himself flood with some kind of guilt, but for what he wasn’t sure. “Why don’t you go watch some more TV, Bi?”

“Okay!” Bianca replied, and returned to the couch.

Will stood in the hall awkwardly for another moment before saying, “Um, Nico? Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Nico didn’t look at him as he stood up and walked into the kitchen. By the time Will met him there, Nico was already sitting at the table, so Will sat down across from him. Nico kept his eyes trained on the table.

Will didn’t know what to say, so he tried, “Are you mad at me?” Nico flinched, and Will tensed at the sight. “I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to drink that much, or--” He rested his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands. “I don’t even know what time I got here, but it was probably really late, and I’m sorry if I woke you up when I got back.” Will groaned into his hands. “I bet I made a fool of myself in front of my brother. So much for first impressions, right?”

When a few moments passed where Nico didn’t respond, Will peeked at him over his fingers to see Nico staring back in disbelief. “You...don’t remember anything?”

Will tried to think past the pounding in his head, but couldn’t remember much after Kayla had called him a Lyft the night before. He shook his head.

Nico glared down at his hands as they curled tightly into fists on the table. When he spoke, it was through gritted teeth. “And you...drove in that condition?”

“No!” Will exclaimed, and winced when the volume of his own voice caused a surge of pain through his skull. “No, I would never drive drunk, of course not! My sister sent me home in a Lyft, but that’s as far as I can remember. I know I got in a car, and then I woke up here.”

Nico sighed and visibly relaxed, his hands flattening out on the table, though he still didn’t look up. “Good.” He stood up slowly. “Don’t worry about last night.”

“Wait, please,” Will said, reaching out and covering one of Nico’s hands on the table before he could walk away. “Tell me what happened.”

Nico pulled his hand out from under Will’s in a flash, like he’d been burnt by the touch. He sat back down, this time keeping his hands on his lap to avoid any unwanted contact. “Bianca told you about my sister, right?”

“The one who lives on the moon,” Will recalled.

“She was killed by a drunk driver when I was fifteen.” Will felt the air leave his lungs like he’d been hit in the stomach. “We were walking in the woods behind my dad’s house, and I wanted to go inside but she didn’t, so I left her out there, all alone. I had a bad feeling, so I waited for her to come back before I went to bed, and… I think I fell asleep on the couch because the next thing I knew, somebody was pounding on the front door, so I went to open it--”

He took a deep breath to steady himself, and Will saw one of his hands tightening around his other forearm, squeezing at it like he was trying to keep his emotions under control. “This guy was standing there, and Bia was in his arms, and I knew she was already dead, but that asshole with alcohol on his breath kept shouting at me for a phone he could use. Said she came out of nowhere, ran right into his car, like it was her fault--”

“I’m so sorry,” Will whispered.

“I called the police, and he was arrested,” Nico continued, like Will hadn’t said a word. “The EMTs said that her spine was broken, and that if that drunk hadn’t touched her then maybe she wouldn’t have died.” Finally, Nico looked up again and met Will’s eyes, but Will shied away from the emptiness in his gaze. “So, you didn’t drive drunk, and you didn’t kill anybody. Don’t worry about anything else that happened.”

“Did I do something to upset you?” Will tried again. “I was drunk. Whatever I did or said, it didn’t mean anything, I promise.”

“I know it didn’t,” Nico said softly, and to Will his words sounded hollow - it was like Nico had turned into a complete shell of himself. He stood up again, but didn’t allow himself to get close enough for Will to stop him. He started toward the door, put on his shoes and coat, leaving Will frozen at the table. Finally, he turned back to Will and said, “You asked me to go to bed with you.”

He walked out the door before Will could make a sound.

Will stopped calling Nico during his lunch break, instead opting to only send him a text with a time, a place, a please, a thank you. He figured Nico didn’t have any interest in talking to him.

Will would text him when he was leaving work, whether it was at five in the afternoon or three in the morning, and every time Nico would leave as soon as Will walked through the door. Will hated the distance that was between them so suddenly - he felt like they were getting close, like they could soon be friends instead of whatever they were, or maybe they could even be more - but he ruined everything in one night. One night that he didn’t even remember.

He wanted to make it all better, but he didn’t know how. He would have to regain Nico’s trust, little by little, but he felt like he needed to do something for Nico to show him how truly sorry he was for the things he said and did while he was drunk.

He decided that it was finally time to finish the guest room.

During his lunch breaks, Will sat with Lou Ellen to pick out furniture, sheets, curtains, a mattress, and ordered everything online. With rush-order shipping, everything was delivered to his house by Christmas. He’d gotten the day off, watched as Bianca opened her presents - and opened one from Bianca, which she said Nico helped her to pick out - called his mom, and had a two-hour-long internal debate on whether or not to send Nico a merry Christmas text.

In the end, he only sent a merry Christmas in the same text asking Nico to come over the next day, but he figured it was better than nothing, and just polite nonetheless. Then, he spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning up the guest room and assembling the new furniture.

The next afternoon, when Nico returned - the bags under his eyes looking a little lighter than before - Bianca led him straight to the guest room to show it off. Nico had smiled, just barely, and even looked Will in the eyes when he thanked him.

That night, Will had a shift starting at midnight, so while Nico was there to watch Bianca, Will was in his room, trying to rest before he had to leave for work. Nico had started feeling a little more like his usual self, but interacting with others still exhausted him. So when he helped Bianca get settled in to sleep that night, Nico felt ready to fall asleep himself.

Instead, Nico went into the guest room - his room, as Will had said when Nico first stepped through the doorway - and called Annabeth.

“Hey, Nico, how are you feeling?” Annabeth greeted.

Nico hesitated. “I don’t know,” he finally decided to say. “Do you have time to talk?”

“I’m always happy when you decide to talk to someone.”

“Is that a yes?”

He could practically hear the eye roll on the other end of the line. “Yes.”

“I...think I messed something up,” Nico started, but couldn’t find it in himself to elaborate.

“Okay,” Annabeth said after a moment. “What makes you think that?”

“I don’t know. I don’t feel like it’s my fault, but I don’t know who else I should blame. Maybe it really is my fault, or maybe it’s Will’s or maybe even Bianca’s.” He shook his head, though he knew that Annabeth couldn’t see him. “No, no, of course not, it couldn’t be Bianca’s fault. That drunk asshole, maybe, but never Bianca.”

He paused, waiting for Annabeth to start trying to fill in the blanks, but a full minute of silence passed between them instead.

“My head has been all messed up the last two weeks. I was barely speaking to anyone, and then-- Will got drunk. And he...said some stuff, and I really wanted to-- But he was so drunk that he couldn’t even remember anything in the morning. I got pissed at him because I thought he drove home while he was drunk, and then I told him about Bianca. And then I...left. And it’s been weird between us since then. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t want it to be like this anymore. I want to...fix this, but I don’t know how.”

For a moment, there was silence between them once again, before Nico heard Annabeth sigh, and he knew she had finished processing everything he said. “First of all, let go of your arm.”

“What? I--” He looked down and realized that one of his hands had wrapped itself around his other arm, his fingernails digging in until there were crescent-shaped indents in his arm. Thankfully, he had yet to draw blood. He picked up a pillow and hugged it to his chest instead.

“I know you, Nico,” Annabeth said. “Now, for the rest of that. Let’s see… You were mad because you’re uncomfortable around drunk people, even when said drunk person is someone you care about. Remember when you came over to celebrate Percy’s twenty-first birthday with us? You couldn’t even be in the same room with him. You care about Will, and you care about his daughter, and you were probably afraid that something bad might happen to them because you associate alcohol with what happened to Bianca. You need to understand that that is so incredibly unlikely to ever happen again. So you need to let go of whatever this is that you’re feeling, because Will is fine, and his daughter is fine. You’re just scared, and you’re allowed to be scared.”

“Thank you, Annabeth,” Nico said softly. “I think I...need to go to sleep now to think some things through. Did I tell you that Will was fixing up the guest room in his house so that I wouldn’t have to sleep on the couch anymore?”

When Annabeth replied, Nico could hear the smile in her voice. “You two are perfect for each other. Goodnight, Nico.”

“Goodnight.”

He hung up the phone, squeezing the pillow tighter to his chest for a second before rising off the bed. Nico changed into his pajamas and grabbed his toothbrush from his backpack before heading to the bathroom.

The door opened when he walked up to it, and he was momentarily blinded by the bright light that poured over him. He blinked a few times, his eyes finally adjusting enough that he could make out the shape of a person standing in the doorway, practically glowing in the light behind him. Nico saw Will standing in front of him, his hair damp like he’s just gotten out of the shower, water dripping down his tan and freckled chest, wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

Nico was frozen to the spot, his brain overloading at the sight in front of him, and he didn’t even register the embarrassed look that was growing on Will’s face.

Will ran a hand through his hair, shaking more water droplets onto his chest and shoulders as a blush rose up his neck. “Uh, sorry.”

He stepped around Nico and hurried into his own room. Nico stood stuck to the floor for a few more seconds before he could manage the couple of steps into the bathroom and finally allow himself to breathe.

Will had to be at the hospital at midnight for the start of his shift, but there weren’t any incoming emergencies so he was able to rest in one of the on-call rooms. Except that he couldn’t clear his head enough to fall asleep - the image of Nico staring up at him with wide eyes when Will got out of the shower kept popping into his head, and Will couldn’t think of anything else for the rest of his shift.

It left him tired and cranky by the time his shift was supposed to end, and so he was even more frustrated when he was told to stay for another eight-hour shift.

By the time is second shift was coming to an end, Will felt ready to drop, but he was paged to the emergency room about twenty minutes before he was free to leave. He dragged his feet all the way to the front desk and leaned heavily against it when he asked why he had been paged. The nurse behind the desk simply handed him a patient chart with a bed number on it.

Will heaved a sigh and walked toward the bed, going past an empty bed and momentarily debating whether he should climb in and take a nap instead of doing his job, but he continued forward instead.

He was already introducing himself before even looking at the person sitting on the bed, but when he finally did, he recognized Nico immediately through the tears pouring over his cheeks. Nico was curled up with his knees pulled close to his chest, his arms hidden from view by his legs, and to Will he looked so small and vulnerable.

Will cut off his own introduction and said, “Nico? What happened? Where’s Bianca?”

Nico’s head tipped forward until his forehead hit his knees, and he shook his head repeatedly. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I checked the allergy list, I swear I did! I’m so sorry!”

Will felt a shot of ice run up his spine that turned him stiff for half a second before he took a deep breath. “Nico, you wouldn’t be in your own bed if something weren’t wrong with you, so please tell me what happened.”

“I’m so sorry,” Nico said again.

“Forget about Bianca for a second and tell me what’s wrong,” Will tried again in his most soothing voice.

Nico seemed to curl in tighter on himself, almost like he was trying to hide something that was held close to his chest, and he continued to apologize though his voice had faded to a whisper.

“Nico, show me your hands, please.”

He didn’t budge.

Will set his hands on Nico’s arms, just beneath his shoulders, and Nico seemed to flinch away from the touch. Will pressed Nico’s shoulders back until his hands were no longer hidden from view. He looked down to see Nico’s hands and forearms splattered with blood, almost up to the elbow, and Will gasped at the sight.

He took one of Nico’s arms in his hand, gripping it tightly despite how Nico tried to pull away from him, and examined him for injury. There appeared to be tiny gouges taken out of his skin, most crescent-shaped though a few seemed to have been torn to a larger size.

Will examined Nico’s other arm next, though most of the blood stopped at his wrist and was more concentrated around the tips of his fingers - as if Nico had clawed open his own skin until he drew blood.

Nico continued to apologize.

“Stop apologizing,” Will snapped, his patience having been drained away after hours of working with no rest in between. Nico’s jaw snapped shut with so much force that Will heard his teeth click.

In silence, Will wiped the blood from Nico’s arms and hands, and noticed a series of similar crescent-shaped marks along his arms.

“What are these?” Will asked. Nico didn’t respond, but tried to pull his arm from Will’s grasp once again. “Nico. Why do you have scars on your arm?”

“My dad used to yell at me, and...and hit me,” Nico said cautiously, like he was afraid that saying the words would cause his father to appear out of nowhere and do exactly that. “When I kept my mouth shut, I didn’t get hit as often. This was the only way to shut myself up.”

Will saw his hand closing into a tight fist and quickly pried it open, wrapping the palm in a few layers of gauze before Nico’s fingernails could break his skin. He tried to be quick about bandaging up Nico’s arm, though some of the larger tears needed a couple of stitches each. Once Will had finished up, Nico’s panicked breathing had returned to normal, so Will deemed it a safe time to ask about his daughter once again.

“She wanted to make brownies,” Nico told him. “She wanted to taste the batter but I told her not to because of the raw eggs, but I turned my back for a second, and she just have tasted it anyway because then she was choking but I couldn’t figure out why. So I took the...the pen from the drawer, the epi pen that you keep in the kitchen, and I used that and then called an ambulance, but I-- They separated us because I was panicking so I didn’t see where she went, but I’m so sorry--”

“I told you to stop apologizing.” He gathered up the supplies he’d used to dispose of them and stood to leave. “Wait here,” he said to Nico, and closed the curtain around his bed as he left.

His shift had officially ended about ten minutes ago, but he knew he would be staying much longer than that already. Will returned to the front desk to ask where Bianca had been taken, then tracked her down in her own bed with a single doctor standing over her.

“Bianca!” Will exclaimed upon seeing her, and rushed forward to press a kiss to her forehead. “I was so worried when Nico didn’t know where you were. How are you feeling, Bi?”

“I’m okay, Daddy,” Bianca replied, her voice slightly raspy.

Will looked up to the doctor who appeared to be checking the readings on the machines around them - he recognized the other man immediately. “Cecil, how is she?”

“Like she said, she’s okay,” Cecil replied. “That babysitter did everything right; perfect use of the epi pen, got her here in good time. It really freaked him out, though, huh?”

“Is Nico okay?” Bianca asked suddenly, looking around Will to see if Nico was hiding behind him somewhere. “Where is he?”

Will felt a little hurt, a small part of him feeling like Nico was almost starting to replace him as Bianca’s dad - wasn’t he good enough for his own daughter?

“Nico got hurt when the ambulance was bringing you here,” Will explained, trying to leave out as many details as possible. “I helped him out, though, so he’s just fine now.”

“You’re such a good doctor, Daddy,” Bianca told him. “Can Nico come over here?”

Will tried not to outwardly frown. “Of course he can. I’ll be right back.”

Before he could step away, Cecil caught Will’s attention by saying, “I’m going to get her discharge paperwork started. Should I grab you an extra for the babysitter?”

“Yeah, thanks, Cecil,” Will replied, and went back to where he’d left Nico.

He’d curled up on himself again, picking absently at the edges of his bandages, but he seemed to have stopped crying for the time being. Will approached him, told him that Bianca wanted to see him, and started walking away again. He didn’t want to deal with Nico, he just wanted to take his daughter home and fall asleep on the couch while they watched a movie together. He didn’t want to be replaced by Nico as Bianca’s father, no matter how stupid the thought made him feel - of course he couldn’t be replaced, but was he not providing enough for her on his own?

He needed to sleep, most of all. That would reset his brain and make him stop thinking such stupid, selfish thoughts. Could it really be that he was unable to stop thinking about Nico just hours beforehand?

Nico had started crying again by the time they walked up to Bianca’s bed, and Will had to stop himself from rolling his eyes - what was wrong with him today?

“Nico, why are you crying?” Bianca asked.

“I was worried about you,” he replied, reaching out and wrapping one of his hands around hers.

“Don’t worry about me! I’m okay!” Bianca told him with a bright smile. She turned her focus to Will and asked, “If I’m okay, that means we can go home now, right? I want Nico to make mac and cheese for dinner.”

“We’ll be home soon,” Will replied, and planned to end the thought there, but something pushed out of him, “I’ll make mac and cheese for you when we get home. I think Nico needs to go to his own home and take a break.”

Nico stared back at him with shock clear on his face. “No, I’m fine, it was just an accident, Solace.”

Before Will could argue, Cecil returned with two clipboards, one of which he handed to Will, and the other was given to Nico. Will checked a few boxes and signed on a couple of the lines before offering the clipboard back and scooping his daughter up in his arms.

“Let’s go home, Bi,” Will said, and started walking toward the doors.

Nico hadn’t even picked up his pen, instead watching them leave with an expression mixed with shock and sadness. “It was one mistake.”

The last time Nico spoke was two days ago when he left Annabeth a voicemail that said, “I think I might’ve been fired,” and then proceeded to ignore any call or text he got afterwards that wasn’t from Will - there hadn’t been any from Will.

He didn’t sleep, or he was pretty sure that he didn’t sleep, just stared blankly at the wall and checked his phone every time it buzzed on the mattress beside his head. He never checked in on his online classes, never did any of the work, never ate or drank unless Hazel forced it upon him.

Nico would have missed his own New Year’s party if Percy hadn’t gone into his room and physically carried him out to the couch to socialize with Annabeth and Hazel, and Luke who took up residence on Nico’s lap for a majority of the night, playing video games on Percy’s phone.

Percy tried to talk to him a few times, though nothing he said managed to get through to him. Hazel had most likely gotten fed up with Nico’s mood swings, if her blatant ignoring of him was any clue. Annabeth, however, had sat down next to Nico and started reminding him of the conversation they’d had a few nights before, and coaxed Nico into explaining what had happened that brought him to the state he was in now.

“If it was an accident, then there’s no reason for him to fire you,” Annabeth assured him. “You’re worrying for nothing again, just give him some time to calm down.”

Nico nodded slowly. “Thank you.”

“There’s nothing else you’re upset about, is there? Nothing about your sister?”

He shook his head. No, just Will. Everything was about Will nowadays, wasn’t it?

After the Jackson-Chases had left and Hazel had gone to bed, Nico made his way into the kitchen for the first time in days. He drank a few glasses of water, ate some of the raw vegetables that had been on some veggie tray Annabeth had brought over and left there, and then started baking cookies until the early hours of the morning. That night, he finally managed to sleep.

He was woken up by the feeling of something landing on his legs.

Nico sat up with a groan, rubbing at his eyes before looking to see what had fallen on him, and saw Bianca sitting on his shins. “Bianca?” Nico asked, taking a quick glance around to make sure he was in his own room. He was, so how did she get there?

“You’re awake!” Bianca exclaimed with a bright smile. “Hazel told me to wake you up.” She hopped off the bed and started pulling at Nico’s arm until he rose from the bed as well. He was dizzy when he stood, and he desperately needed a glass of water. “Come on! Daddy wants to talk to you!”

Nico wouldn’t have been able to move if Bianca hadn’t been tugging him out the door.

“Daddy! Hazel! I woke up Nico!” Bianca called as she walked Nico into the living room where Will and Hazel were sitting on the couch.

“That’s great, Bianca,” Hazel said, getting up and walking toward them. She took Bianca’s free hand and said, “Let’s go to the kitchen and give your dad and Nico some time to talk. Nico stayed up really late last night making cookies, and I bet he made them just for you.”

She glanced up at Nico with a raised eyebrow, silently asking if it was okay to leave him alone, or maybe asking if it was okay for them to eat the cookies. Nico mentally scanned Bianca’s allergy list that he’d memorized months before - though he still wasn’t sure what had caused her reaction a few days prior - and nodded once. Yes, they could leave, and yes, the cookies were safe for Bianca to eat.

He watched them leave the room, and when he turned back, Will had risen to his feet, staring right back at Nico with a completely neutral expression on his face. Nico felt himself shrinking under Will’s gaze, his arms crossing over his stomach, one hand absentmindedly starting to scratch at his arm - he’d taken the bandages off already, though the cuts were still pretty fresh.

Nico was waiting for Will to speak first, but when he didn’t, Nico blurted out, “Are you going to fire me?”

Will’s neutral expression broke in surprise. “What? No, you thought I came all the way over here just to fire you? I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans and shuffled his feet uncomfortably. “I tried calling you, but Hazel answered and said she didn’t know what was wrong because you weren’t talking to her. She gave me your address so I could come check on you myself.”

“Oh.” Nico’s hand tightened around his arm, his gaze dropping to the floor. “You...didn’t have to do that.”

Suddenly, Will’s shoes were in Nico’s line of sight, and Will’s hands were wrapping around Nico’s wrists and pulling his hands apart. Nico’s immediate reaction was to try to tug his hands from Will’s grasp, but Will didn’t let go. “Stop--” Will started sternly, but caught himself and continued in a much more relaxed voice, his grip on Nico’s wrists loosening but still not letting go. “Stop hurting yourself. Stop beating yourself up over this. It’s not your fault that Bianca had a reaction, and I’m sorry for snapping at you. I was tired and worried, and I know that’s not an excuse for how I acted, but...I’m sorry.”

Nico’s eyes flickered up to meet Will’s, and for the first time in days, Nico saw the sky.

“I never should have said that you couldn’t come home with us,” Will continued. “You were just as worried about Bianca as I was, and you should’ve been at home with us that night so that you could’ve known she was okay. And… And so we could’ve known that you were okay. She-- I--” Will sighed. “We both miss you. Please come back?”

Nico felt his chest swell up when Will looked at him. Like his lungs were filling with water, or panic was rising up in him. Or maybe it was something else.

“Okay.”

Nico had been back for about a week. He still seemed cautious about what to cook for Bianca, but he’d started to let loose a little. He’d started spending the night more and more often, cooking breakfast and driving Bianca to school almost every morning, and still sometimes falling asleep on the couch with his laptop on his lap.

They were almost back to where they were before Christmas. Where that was exactly, Will wasn’t sure. Something closer to friends than boss-and-employee, but with hints of something more.

Which left Will feeling jealous.

It took him a while to come to that conclusion, but he couldn’t find any other words to describe how he was feeling. How he wanted to change the topic whenever Nico mentioned Hazel, or how angry Will felt whenever he even thought of her. She was quite possibly the sweetest person Will had ever met, and she obviously made Nico very happy, and Will wanted Nico to be happy, right?

No. Will wanted Nico to be happy with him. Not Hazel.

So. Will was jealous.

And then, just days after Will had made this revelation, Nico’s car had broken down. Nico’s shiny, expensive, never-had-a-problem, high-school-graduation-present car had broken down.

Nico didn’t bother telling this to Will until he arrived a few minutes late one day with Hazel trailing into the house behind him.

“Hey,” Nico called into the house, and Will rushed around the corner, smiling brightly until he saw her. “Sorry I’m late, my car broke down. Hazel had to drive me.”

Will tried to smile back at Hazel, greeting her politely, but he just wanted her out of his house.

“Thanks for driving me,” Nico said to Hazel, leaning in to kiss her cheek, and Will felt his blood boil. “I’ll let you know if I need you to pick me up.”

“I can take you home,” Will cut in. “Uh. Probably.”

Nico smiled. God, Will had missed that smile. “Sure, we’ll see.” He stepped to the side, opening the door for Hazel to leave, and said, “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye, Will,” Hazel said to him with a quick wave. “It was nice to see you again! And bye, Nico, I love you!”

“Love you, too,” Nico said, shutting the door after Hazel walked out. He turned back to Will and rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling.

Will needed to get out of there before he did something stupid.

“I’ll text you when I’m on my way home,” Will forced out, stepping into his shoes and grabbing his coat.

“Sounds good,” Nico replied, already walking away. He turned back just for a second and smiled. “Bye, Sunshine.”

God, Will had missed that, too.

Will could barely get through his shift with the jealousy rooted so deeply in his bones. He kept hearing Hazel’s voice in his head, telling him things like how she’d met Nico, or what they’d done for their first anniversary. Will had had to scream into a pillow in a locked on-call room for about a minute before he could get back to work. He desperately wanted his shift to end so that he could go home and have dinner with Nico and Bianca. And after Bianca went to bed, Will would have Nico all to himself, even if it was just platonically.

When Will got home - hours after his shift was supposed to end, and too late for his platonic fantasy dinner-and-a-movie plan - the only thing he could hear was the TV playing in the living room. It was unusual, since it was past Bianca’s bedtime and Nico tended not to watch TV on his own, and so for a second Will feared that Hazel had returned.

However, when Will rounded the corner, he saw only Nico sitting on the couch. He was slouching, staring just to the right of the TV as he chewed on his thumbnail, his knee bouncing as his foot tapped to an unheard beat. He looked nervous. Will had never seen him like that before.

“Nico?” Will asked quietly as he walked further into the room, and Nico jumped, head snapping toward Will. He really must’ve been distracted. “Are you alright?”

Nico shrugged, looking down at his hands.

“Nico,” Will tried again, sitting next to him on the couch. “Tell me what’s wrong. Please.”

Nico took a deep breath. “Bianca asked if I had a girlfriend,” he rushed out.

Now Will was even more confused. “Okay. And?”

Nico groaned, grinding the palms of his hands into his forehead, leaning forward with so much force that he almost tipped right off the couch.. “No, not okay! It’s not, because I don’t-- I’m not--”

Will felt a spark of hope. I don’t...have a girlfriend? I’m not...straight? Will held his breath.

“I’m gay and I didn’t know if you were okay with that, so I didn’t tell Bianca anything, because I didn’t want to teach her something that you weren’t okay with.”

Will forgot to breathe. For a little while. He figured by now his face was pretty red, but from blushing or lack of oxygen, he didn’t know. When Nico realized he wasn’t talking, he looked up at him, finally pulling his hands away from his face. “Solace?”

“I’m okay with it!” he said, probably a little bit too loud. “I’m okay with it because I am, too. I’m-- I mean, I’m bi, and she knows, and I think she understands it, but yeah, anyway. Yes, I’m okay with it, you can tell her. If you want.”

Nico’s eyes were wide - and Will’s probably were, too, but he was still trying to catch his breath and couldn’t really control what the rest of his body was doing right then. He was pretty sure he was smiling like a maniac, but he couldn’t help it. Nico’s gay! And not dating Hazel! Will might actually have a chance with him!

“You’re...” Nico started. “Okay. Okay.” He stood up and grabbed his backpack off the ground next to him. “I have to go home.” Nico rushed out of the living room, and made it all the way to the front door before Will remembered that Nico didn’t have a car. Frankly, he probably remembered before Nico did.

Will shot up, running after him and catching him before it seemed like he was about to start walking home. “Nico! Hang on, it’s like, zero degrees out, what are you doing? Come back inside, I’ll drive you home in the morning.”

Nico was already visibly shivering when he turned back around. “Okay. Okay.” He brushed past Will on his way back inside.

Will hated storms. He hated the rain, and he hated being stuck inside the house, and he hated thunder that shook a house’s foundation. Bianca hated the flashes of lightning that made a room as bright as day for just a second before the thunder boomed around her. Nico hated storms for a completely different reason.

There was a snowstorm coming down from the north, bringing with it at least an inch of snowfall and a high chance of thunder and lightning. Will had already gotten an email from Bianca’s school that announced the building’s closure in anticipation for the storm, and Will started to worry that he wouldn’t be able to make it to work in the morning.

He had hurried home after work that evening, partly because of the forecast, and partly because he’d gotten a text from Nico saying, text me if youll be home by 6 and ill make enough dinner for the 3 of us. Will, loyal fan of Nico’s cooking that he was, would have traded shifts with someone if he had to be at the hospital later than six that night. He would not miss out on Nico’s cooking.

So he made it home just as the snow was starting to pick up. When he walked in the door, Nico was putting the finishing touches on the meal, and Bianca had her face pressed into a window, watching the giant snowflakes fall. She’d never seen snow like that in Nashville.

Will stomped the snow off his boots, untying them and leaving them by the door, then hung up his jacket and scarf. After living in Nashville for most of his life, Will still wasn’t used to the negative temperatures that hit New York.

“Please tell me dinner will warm me up,” Will said, rubbing his hands together.

Nico rolled his eyes (he’d gotten used to the cold weather, unlike somebody) and pointed to each pot and pan, naming off each food and giving a brief description before Will could ask (because he knew Will would ask).

Will helped Bianca set places at the table as Nico brought the food over, and as soon as they all sat down to eat, Nico’s phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket as Will and Bianca looked at him in confusion. Nico’s phone had never once rang in front of them in all of the time that Nico had spent at the house. He never got a call, he never got a text, he never so much as got a twitter notification. They watched him press end call and set the phone down next to his plate.

When Nico noticed them watching him, he gestured to the food. “Well? What are you waiting for?”

Will scooped some food onto Bianca’s plate, not exactly sure what he was giving her, just making sure it was small portions in case she didn’t like something, and then gave himself slightly larger servings of everything.

He saw that Nico had just taken a bite of something when his phone went off again, only this time what sounded like a call was really just a large amount of texts coming in all at once.

“I’m sorry,” Nico said as he picked up the phone to stop it from vibrating the entire table. “I had my phone turned off today for this exact reason, I don’t really know why I turned it back on now.”

“It’s fine,” Will said, though he was worried that something was wrong. “Is it something important?”

“No.” Nico took another bite and his phone started buzzing again in his hand. He looked at the screen and winced. “I’m sorry. I have to take this.”

He stood up and headed toward the guest room, answering the call when he was only halfway through the living room. “Hello, Father, does this have to happen right now?” There was a pause, and then, “I was trying to enjoy a nice dinner--” and then the door shut, and Will could hear no more.

Him and Bianca picked at their food for a little while in silence. Will still had no idea what he was eating, but it was good. Some kind of pasta with vegetables, though not with any kind of sauce that Will recognized. Normally, he would have been concerned about Bianca’s allergies, but he trusted Nico not to cook something that she couldn’t eat.

“Is something wrong with Nico?” Bianca asked, and Will noticed she was just pushing most of the food around on her plate.

“I don’t know, Bi,” Will answered honestly. It was shaping up to be a strange evening, and Nico sure was taking a while with that phone call. “I just hope he doesn’t have to leave,” he said as he looked out the window. “I don’t think there’s any getting through that snow, no matter how long you’ve lived in New York.”

The two went back to eating, not speaking, and hearing only the increasingly powerful gusts of wind, the sounds of forks scraping across plates, and the occasional muffled noise coming from the guest room whenever Nico raised his voice.

Will wanted to go check on him, but thought it might be an invasion of his privacy.

The thunder started not long after. Will hadn’t noticed any lightning mixed in with the snow, but the deep rumbles that shook the house were unmistakable. It made him wish he’d bought a house with a basement, someplace that he wouldn’t feel the ground shake under his feet.

Bianca had finished eating, and Will was starting to feel full, but Nico’s plate remained full and almost untouched. Will’s worry grew.

He didn’t know how long he poked around at the small amount of food left on his plate before he couldn’t see it anymore. He looked up, looked around, but he couldn’t see anything anymore, except the now-present lightning that gave him flashes of his own home.

And that’s when he finally heard a door opening.

“Thank god,” he heard Nico say from the direction of the guest room, but he still couldn’t see him. “The cell towers must be out.”

Will heard his footsteps stop as he entered the kitchen.

“So much for a nice warm meal,” Nico muttered, and suddenly the flashlight on his phone lit up.

“Nico are you okay?” Bianca asked, and Will could see just enough to spot the confused look that Nico gave her.

“Yeah, Princess, of course I’m okay. Why would you think I’m not okay?”

“You were on the phone for a really long time and I heard you shouting.”

Nico winced before starting to clear the table. “I’m sorry. I never should have turned my phone on today.”

“If it was your father, then I’m sure it was important,” Will said stood to help. “Bi, can you help clear the table please?”

Bianca took her plate to the sink as Nico huffed. “It wasn’t. Nothing he couldn’t have said in a text. A two word text, instead of--” he looked at the time on his phone “--a thirty six minute phone call. God, I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for,” Will told him. “It’s not like this was supposed to be some special family dinner or something.”

But suddenly, Will got the feeling like it was supposed to be something exactly like that.

“Right,” Nico muttered, then louder said, “Do you have any candles anywhere?”

Will packed up the leftovers while Nico ate a little bit more of his now-cold food, but he quickly lost his appetite at the taste. It wasn’t the same when it wasn’t warm anymore.

The three of them each carried a flashlight, and Nico had gone around lighting candles in the kitchen, living room, and bathroom, though the faint light in the house only made the flashes of lightning outside so much more prominent. Will noticed that with each lightning strike, both Nico and Bianca flinched. Will made sure to close the curtains in the living room to help block out the lightning, and moved the candles from the kitchen into the living room as they all settled down there. The candlelight made Will’s hair look golden, but only succeeded in making Nico look tired.

The three of them sat on the floor in the living room playing Go Fish in the candlelight, until Bianca got too tired to play anymore.

“It’s dark and scary and I don’t wanna sleep in my room by myself,” Bianca complained when Will decided it was time for her to go to bed.

“What if we all sleep out here?” Nico suggested. “We can all bring out a bunch of pillows and blankets, then it’ll be like a sleepover.”

“Okay!” Bianca said, and she jumped up and ran to her room, clicking on her flashlight as she went. She came back quickly with her arms loaded full of pillows and blankets, and dropped them all on the floor in a heap. She plopped down on top of the heap and curled up like she was going to fall asleep right then.

“Just because it’s a sleepover doesn’t mean you don’t have to brush your teeth, Bi,” Will said in a very dad voice. “And put on some warm pajamas, too.”

When Bianca complained, Will stood and ushered her toward her bedroom to make sure he had warm enough pajamas. Nico cleaned up the cards before heading off to the guest room to change into his own pajamas. Thankfully, he’d been keeping some of his clothes in the dresser, since it was easier than bringing a change of clothes every time he came over. He changed into sweatpants and a long sleeve t-shirt, grabbing his backpack, a pillow, and the comforter and a pillow off the bed before heading back to the living room.

Bianca and Will were both in the bathroom brushing their teeth when he walked past the open door, Bianca in footie pajamas, and Will still in his scrubs.

Nico set his things down next to the couch. He went to brush his teeth when he noticed that both Will and Bianca were out of the bathroom, and when he came back to the living room, Bianca looked ready to fall asleep, and Will was nowhere to be seen.

The coffee table had been moved away from the couch so that there was more room for them all to spread out, which must’ve been Will’s doing. Nico sat on the ground, leaning back against the couch, and pulled out his phone. He might as well read all those texts he’d gotten earlier.

As soon as he’d opened up the messaging app, Will came into the room with a pile of blankets in his arms, and plopped them down next to Nico, revealing his blue flannel pajama pants and luminescent orange sweatshirt with the name of some college across the front.

“You’re practically glowing in the dark,” Nico commented, putting his phone off to the side.

“It’s going to get pretty cold with the heater not working,” Will said with a shrug, stuffing his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. “Gotta keep warm.”

The two of them were quiet as they situated themselves, and in a couple of minutes, they were both wrapped up in blankets and listening to the quiet snores coming from the six year old across the room.

“I figured she’d be out pretty quick,” Will said, smiling at his daughter.

Nico hummed, eyes flickering down toward his phone, when he heard Will speak again.

“So, I’m sorry if this is kind of intrusive, but I have to ask,” he started, “you seemed...angry, with your dad. Is everything alright? I mean, I know you said that he wasn’t the greatest, so I kind of assumed you wouldn’t keep in touch with him anymore.”

Nico sighed and seemed to consider his words carefully. “He’s my dad, you know? He’s the only dad I’ve ever had, and he’s trying to be better, but I wish he wouldn’t just done it years ago, when it mattered.”

“I get that,” Will said. “My dad was pretty awful when I was a kid, too, but he never ended up trying to do anything to change it. He tricked my mom into believing that he loved her, and they got married for about two months, which was enough time for him to cheat on her. I didn’t find out until I was around ten that the reason my dad wasn’t around was because he had another family. Or, well, a lot of other families. Turns out I had at least four siblings I’d never met.”

“Four?” Nico asked incredulously.

Will nodded, and started counting them off on his fingers. “There was Lee - the oldest - and Michael came next, both with different moms, and both of them joined the military. I don’t remember which branches, but I don’t think they ever met. They were both killed in action, so I never actually got to meet them, just heard about them. And then there’s Kayla, the one who had the...the, um, Christmas party.” Nico hid a grin. Will sounded embarrassed. “A-and Austin. I just met him at Kayla’s, but he lives in Manhattan, so I’m hoping I can get to know him better. He’s a musician, goes to Juilliard. He can play anything, like when I first asked him about it, he just listed off all the instruments he can play, which was a ton. And he’s just like, ‘Right now I’m learning the violin, but strings are kind of hard for me, so we’ll see how it goes.’”

Nico smiled down at his lap and let Will’s words hang in the air between them for a moment before he said, “A few months after Bianca died, I found out I had another sister,” The air flew out of Will’s lungs. “Turns out that my dad had gone on a business trip to New Orleans once, and met some fortune teller and had a fling. Child services called our house once, and I answered the phone. This lady just kept saying something about how Marie somebody died and since my father was financially stable enough to support another child, they were flying his daughter to California to live with us. I got really mad at my dad about that, like he’d planned to have another kid to replace Bia, or something stupid like that. After I got over the shock, the first thought I had was, I can’t believe he married a Maria and had another kid with a Marie.”

“So Maria is your mother?” Will asked.

“Was,” Nico corrected. “She died when I was four. It was a car accident during a thunderstorm.” Coincidentally, thunder shook the house right at that moment, and Will saw Nico trying to repress a flinch. “My father had remarried a little while after that, to a woman named Persephone. When she found out about Hazel, she got super pissed at my father and didn’t talk to him for a couple of days, even though that ‘business trip’ had happened in between wives.”

Will gasped. “Hazel’s your sister?”

Nico turned to look at Will. “Yeah. Why, who did you think she was?”

Will shrugged and looked away, thankful for the dim lighting that hid his blush. “A friend, I guess. You don’t exactly look alike.”

“Yeah, but we’re still family. She’s been living with me for a few months until her boyfriend graduates from West Point. I have a feeling they’re going to get married pretty soon, especially if he ends up in the army, which is bound to happen sooner or later.”

“I considered joining up for a little while,” Will said, eyes on Bianca. “Go in as a doctor, they’d pay off my student loans, but then Bi came along, and I couldn’t just leave her alone at my mom’s or someplace for so long that she wouldn’t know me when I came back.”

In the faint light, Will noticed Nico shiver and wrap the comforter tighter around himself.

“Are you cold?” Will asked. “Let me go get you a sweatshirt.” He was up and out of the room before Nico could reply. Truthfully, Will was thankful for the break in the conversation. He wasn’t sure that he was ready to tell Nico about how he’d come to be the sole caretaker for Bianca. He returned quickly, a light grey sweatshirt in his hands, which he tossed to Nico before sitting back down.

“Thanks,” Nico said, once the sweatshirt was pulled over his head. “I hope you don’t mind me staying here tonight.”

“Are you kidding? I could barely get home from work, there’s no way someone could’ve driven you home! I would have insisted you stay, even if you did have your big, fancy car.”

Nico rolled his eyes; Will could see that even in the dark. “It’s not fancy.”

“Nico, that car cost more than my mom’s house,” Will insisted. “I still can’t believe that it was a high school graduation present.”

“Fine, it’s not that expensive for my family.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means...” Nico tucked his hands into the sleeves of the sweatshirt and looked down at his lap. “My father owns a recording studio in LA, so we’ve never exactly been tight on money. And my mother’s father was an Italian ambassador, who left trust funds for Bianca and me. And then when Bia died, her trust was merged with mine. And my mother’s insurance money paid for my college classes and the private schools I went to when I was younger.”

“You’re loaded?” Will asked, voice loud in shock and jaw left hanging open.

Nico’s head snapped up towards his, hands coming out of the sleeves as he held a finger up to his lips, the other hand pointing toward the still-sleeping Bianca.

Their faces were close. Nico could’ve counted Will’s freckles. Will could’ve finally seen the separation of iris and pupil in Nico’s eyes if the lighting had been better. Instead, Will’s eyes dropped to the finger over Nico’s lips. His eyes lingered there for longer than he’d intended them to, and he snapped his jaw shut when he managed to focus his eyes back on Nico’s.

“I can’t believe you’re rich,” Will whispered, finally pulling his eyes away from Nico’s face. Nico had returned his hands to his sleeves relaxing back against the couch again. He looked so small in Will’s oversized sweatshirt, head tilted down sheepishly. “I can’t believe you’re rich and I’ve been sneaking extra money into your paychecks to help you fix your car!”

Nico laughed lightly. “You have?”

“And you didn’t even notice! Do you even look at your paychecks?”

“Not really,” Nico admitted.

“Alright, you owe me now,” Will decided.

“What, you want me to pay you back the money you didn’t have to give me?”

“No, no, keep the money, whatever,” Will said, waving a hand at Nico. “You owe me one answer to any question I ask you.”

“Can I veto something I’m not comfortable answering?”

Will thought about it for a second. “I guess so. But only one!”

“Okay, go ahead, then.”

Will didn’t even hesitate. “What were all the texts and calls about earlier?”

Nico sighed, glancing off to the side where his phone was sitting on the ground. “Well, to be fair, I haven’t actually looked at the texts.” He picked up the phone, turning on the screen and holding it in a way that Will could see just as well as he could. The messaging app was still open, and Nico tapped on the first thread at the top.

FROM: Frank; Happy Birthday, Nico! :)

FROM: Hazel; happy birthday!!! i love u!!!

FROM: Annabeth; Happy Birthday!

FROM: Sally; Happy birthday, Nico. I hope you have a great day!

FROM: Percy; Happy birthday man

FROM: Percy; hppy birhtday unkle nico

FROM: Percy; That last one was from Luke

FROM: ra-ra; Happy birthday, it’s your turn to visit.

FROM: Leo; happy old day bro

FROM: Jason; Happy birthday son

FROM: Piper; Happy birthday!

FROM: Thalia; happy birthday

“It’s your birthday?” Will asked.

Nico shrugged, eyes locked on his phone.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve taken the day off or something! You didn’t have to come here today, you could’ve-- I don’t know, hung out with your friends, or something!”

“My friends all have jobs, Solace,” Nico responded. “They all had to work today, and I’d much rather be here than sitting by myself in my room all day.”

Will was hit with a realization. Punched in the gut with this realization. “It was supposed to be some kind of special family dinner, wasn’t it?”

Nico shrugged again, putting his phone down in his lap. He seemed almost uncomfortable. “I guess. I made a bunch of my favorite foods, there were cannoli for dessert, too, but we didn’t exactly get to that. My father only called because he was trying to make up for never calling me on my birthday, and I couldn’t get him to shut up. And then he put Seph on the phone.” He sighed again, tossing his head back to rest against the couch cushions. “I just wanted to have a nice dinner for once.”

“If it makes you feel any better, it was a nice dinner,” Will offered, bumping his shoulder against Nico’s. “Would’ve been better with you there, but the food was good.”

Nico’s head lolled to the side so we could look at Will. He had the tiniest smile on his face, and Will wanted to keep it there.

“Tell me about your friends,” Will blurted.

Nico picked up his head. “Why?”

“I--” Will didn’t know. “How do you know all of them?”

Nico paused for a second, staring at Will as if to try to find some kind of ulterior motive. He clicked his phone screen back on and read down the list of names.

“Okay, well. I told you about Frank already, he’s Hazel’s boyfriend,” Nico started. “Hazel, of course, is my sister. Percy and Annabeth are married, and Luke is their son. I actually, uh, really hated them in high school. I was closeted and had a crush on Percy, so I hated him for that, and I hated Annabeth because she was dating him, but I got over my crush and learned to like them both. Oh, and, uh, Sally is Percy’s mom. I lived with her for about a year when I first moved out to New York.

“Ra-Ra is my best friend Reyna. She lives in San Francisco, so I haven’t seen her in a little over a year. We also met in high school, but she was a senior when I was a sophomore, so we only met because we were partnered for a class project. Next is Leo, he’s my cousin Jason’s best friend, and he’s accidentally set himself on fire more than a few times.”

“Accidentally?” Will asked.

Nico shrugged. “It’s a gift, or so he claims. Anyway, uh. Jason, my cousin. He calls me son sometimes because I once gave him a Father’s Day card as a joke but he took it to heart. Piper is Jason’s fiancee. I introduced her to Jason after we met at one of our fathers’ business meetings or whatever. And last is Thalia, Jason’s older sister. Her and Bia used to have a No Boys club when we were kids because they thought me and Jason were annoying.”

Nico closed out of the messaging app and pulled up his photo gallery. “I think I have pictures of everyone, hang on.”

He leaned against Will’s side and held his phone out as he scrolled through a few albums, showing Will pictures of Frank and Hazel; Percy and Annabeth; himself and Luke when he’d been asked to babysit once; Leo that one time he accidentally set his jacket on fire and didn’t notice for over a minute. At some point, Nico’s head fell onto Will’s shoulder as they scrolled through pictures. Piper surfing and Jason falling into the water. Hazel and him scrunching up their noses at the camera. Thalia somewhere in South America doing some wildlife preservation something. Reyna sitting outside a cafe drinking a latte and glaring at people that passed by on the street.

Nico’s eyes were starting to fall closed when he finally put his phone away, having exhausted his gallery of all pictures of his friends. Will had started talking, something about a couple of the friends he’d had in high school, and Nico had tried to listen, he really had, but his eyes had slipped closed and he’d fallen asleep.

He woke up on the floor, pillow under his head and comforter off the guest bed wrapped around him, and he had no recollection of how he’d gotten there.

The floor around him was littered with pillows and blankets, and there were burnt out candles on the tables and TV stand. He sat up and blinked a few times, and then Will and Bianca were there in front of him. He rubbed at his eyes and looked at them again, their smiles unmistakably real.

“Happy birthday!” Bianca shouted at him, and held out a small plate with one of the cannoli he’d made yesterday.

Will was beaming at him, obviously proud of himself, and Nico couldn’t help but grin back.

The snowstorm kept schools closed for the next two days, which meant that Nico stayed over night after night. The power had returned the morning after Nico’s birthday, and while Will had taken the opportunity to shower after their quick birthday celebration, Nico had taken advantage of the newly recovered cell signal to call Hazel. He had her pick him up and take him to get his car, which he’d been planning on picking up the night before, until the snow hit.

When he got his car, Nico returned to his own home, showered, changed his clothes, and grabbed some more clean clothes to keep at Will’s.

He went back to the Solace household and was immediately greeted with Bianca telling him that her school had already been closed for the next day. Good thing he’d grabbed more clothes.

Bianca had insisted on playing video games, and then got angry at Will whenever he walked in front of the screen. He was trying to get ready for work, running back and forth between the kitchen and living room and his bedroom, and by the fourth or fifth time, Bianca had had enough, and gave up on the game.

When Will came over to say goodbye, he suggested, “Why don’t you do the homework you were supposed to do last night, so you don’t have to worry about it later?”

Bianca, still upset, huffed and crossed her arms. Nico just said, “Bye, Solace,” and kept playing the game that Bianca had abandoned.

Will rolled his eyes and muttered something about having two children, and Nico shouted, “I heard that!” before Will walked out the door.

When he returned later that night, Will noticed first the tray of brownies cooling on the counter. Bianca’s bag was where it had been when he left, and a quick look around the corner showed that Nico and Bianca were still sitting on the floor playing video games, right where he’d left them.

Will walked up and stood in front of the TV, arms crossed and with what he hoped was a stern look on his face. “Did you even do your homework like I said to?” he demanded.

Nico paused the game and looked up at him with the biggest shit-eating grin Will had ever seen and said, “Yeah, it’s in her backpack, all ready to go when school starts back up. You wanna check everything over, make sure it’s all right?”

They stared each other down for a little while. Will felt something swell up in his chest. Maybe his lung were filling with fluid and he was dying. Maybe it was something else that had to do with Nico smiling up at him like that.

Will rolled his eyes and turned back toward the kitchen, hearing Nico snicker before starting up the game again.

“The brownies are probably cool by now if you want one,” Nico called to him.

Will sighed in frustration, but went over to the counter and cut himself a brownie. Dammit if it wasn’t the best thing he’d eaten in days. Well, except maybe that cannoli he’d split with Nico the day before. But the brownie had chocolate.

thanks for reading!!

buy me a coffee | other nico birthday event stuff

#mine #my writing #nico di angelo #will solace #solangelo #nicobirthdayevent #i'm in hell #i wanted to uhhhh change nicos birthday and aftermath a little more but i also needed to make sure i posted this by today so

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saigebeaumont · 6 years ago

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- ̗̀ * ( robert sheehan + cismale + he/him ) have you seen ( benjamin ‘benjy’ magwitch ) walking around campus ? they are a ( twenty-three ) year old, studying ( political science ). we hear they are in ( rho pi rho ), and can be ( magnetic & irresponsible ), maybe it’s because they are a ( leo ). they sort of remind us of ( shiny red apples, walking on ledges, kaleidoscopes ), maybe we can find out more ! ( james + 19 + est + they/she ) * ̖́- + theatre/track

hi hello as u may have seen my name is james and this is my baby, benjy. i dont know how long this is going to get so pls bare with me

tw; fire?

gen. info

full name: benjamin ‘benjy’ henry magwitch / joshua hollowood but u will never catch him actually using his real name tbqh

nickname(s): think of a random name. any century, any gender, any amount of letters or lack thereof. that’s it that’s his nickname. previous aliases that he has claimed to be are - thaddeus, balthazar, dante, romulus, etc., etc.

b.o.d. - july 31st, age 23

label(s): the icarian, the blackhole, the insouciant, etc. etc.

height: tall

hometown: ???

sexuality: chaotically bisexual

bio. info

let’s try and make this short n sweet

so like. y’know when a faerie steals a human baby and replaces it with it’s own, weaker, inferior baby? benjy is the human baby in this case

except they weren’t faeries

dorothea and fawley were two...somewhat, in love, folks--who had really wanted to have a child of their own. when they did, finally, have their child--he was very sickly and small and neither of them wanted their child to be weak goddammit

so they did a switcharoo, like...switched at birth except i’ve never ever seen switched at birth, and ran off with this extremely rich family’s newborn baby instead!

dorothea and fawley were part of a circus, and thus, lil benjy was raised in a circus !! how cute.

needless to say he was raised in a very nontraditional setting, like, homeboy was homeschooled bc they were literally always travelling, around the country and once or twice out of country.

despite that, he never doubted that his circus family didn’t love him or anything like ?? yeah he never called his ‘parents’ mom or dad, but that’s bc it was like...everyone was his parent.

dorothea and fawley told benjy that his name will never define him, and he could be anyone or anything he wants to be.

this caused a tiny benjy to be CONSTANTLY changing his name. like, almost everyday he’d just declare a new name and everybody in the circus would call him that specific name. even when he did acts, he’d go by a different name every single time

this carried onto adulthood and benjy still doesn’t tell people his real name very often. sometimes they’re sort of normal names n other times they’re fucking bizarre.

when he was seven he declared his name was ‘sock’ for an entire month.

grew up doing a buncha odd lil jobs and roles in the circus, from being a lil handyman like fawley to being a magician’s assistant like dorothea. t’was a lil tiny animal tamer (before the circus stopped using animals in their acts because we don’t stan circuses like that no we do NOT) at some point but reeeaaally liked tightrope walking and things as such

also tried his hand at fire-throwing/etc. etc. but the like eighteen (minor!) burn scars across his body will tell u that it was not for him and he gave it up to pursue knife throwing tricks and juggling

wasn’t rly ever around ppl his own age, also never had a smartphone before he was like eighteen or so--he’s not old fashioned but he can definitely be behind on the times

also grew up listening to primarily older rock/folk music/whatever the fuck music his family created/his own music

that being said benjy is good w a guitar but bitch cannot sing. he sounds like a dying frog.

he also did a bunch of petty theft but that’s bc some of the other folk in the circus did it and he was like huh. looks like fun. bc benjy is thoroughly an idiot but more on that later. so he got some shit on his record but he got them sealed when he turned 18, like, asap

but. benjy is a dumbass. he committed ANOTHER petty crime, because the boy has addictive qualities, and he left some dna evidence bc boy’s got some mf hair

surprisingly, it wasn’t through his records that they found him via his dna but, rather, his real parents who did a whole ass dna kit thing for fun one day

this came as a shock to everybody involved, honestly, though tbh ? benjy didn’t care that much that he had parents who weren’t the circus, but that’s bc of his entire upbringing.

either way his birth parents wanted to like. y’know. meet their delinquent biological son and when they did they were like ‘woah woah woah wtf ur in a circus’ and he was like haha yeah

n that was...sort of it, for a while. benjy was 18, had his GED, n wasn’t planning on going to college at all.

the circus was still traveling, the world was all right, etc. etc, benjy maintained contact with his bio parents bc it was Polite to do

and then the circus burned down! somebody did a flaming knife trick when they weren’t supposed to and, long story short--the entire circus went up in flames. there were no victims, no worries, but their entire livelihood was gone and they were all effectively displaced.

when his Rich Biological Parents found out about benjy’s newfound predicament that he 100% was not responsible for whatsoever, they were like . . . . listen. we’ve got a Reputation to uphold, but we’ll send you to college.

he’s been here since he was like, 21, so he’s a junior i think ??

he’s majoring in political science but it’s like technically his first year as the major bc his freshmen yr he wanted to do anthropology and then he switched to mathematics and homeboy was nvr satisfied but now he thinks he wants to do smth w social welfare so he’s doing political science w theatre and public affairs as minors

personality

he’s got. a big personality

he’s got this sort of energy that attracts others but they don’t really know why bc holy shit benjy can be annoying

he’s just super intense ?? like the boy does not know how to calm down, he’s constantly moving around and being dramatic and sometimes whiny

pouts more than a person should averagely pouts

i wouldn’t call him a liar because he can be, very very blunt, and doesn’t know how to beat around the bush, but he likes telling half-truths simply to either confuse others or to just b a lil bitch tbh

he’s got big dumbass energy like okay he’s smart he just doesn’t apply himself very often and he just. does dumb things

gets into fights bc he’s a dumbass. like. he will purposely provoke ppl he doesn’t like, n when he’s drunk he’ll do it to literally anybody esp ppl he likes

also just. doesn’t know when to stop talking. can find ways to ramble about nothing, asks questions w the intent of being annoying, etc. etc.

his ~parents~ didn’t rly believe in modern medicine n they were just like ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away!’ so he’s got this obsession w apples. literally is always chewing on an apple or a toothpick or anything he can get his hands on. he’s like a teething toddler, essentially

probably the dumbass who plays wonderwall at a party tbh

okay but fun fact! he’s super nimble and just. cat-like, from all his yrs of practicing n performing tightrope walking. if he falls over it’s because he wants to fall over and if he falls over it’s bc he wants ATTENTION

he loves. being the center of attention? but he’s also content with being in the background if it makes sense. he just wants to be doing something, anything

anyways he doesn’t take shit seriously at all like, i don’t think he’s ever had a serious conversation in his life ?

big slut for parties. he loves partying, he nvr knew he loved partying until he went to ucla but he loves it

he’s got an addictive personality so like okay. he’s not Addicted Addicted to anything specific (besides nicotine) but he definitely has no problem with drinking n doing drugs Often.

i mean he’s reckless too he never knows when to stop, feels like he’s tryn to be the Superior boy but he’s not and he’s probably overcompensating nowadays to deal w the guilt of accidentally burning down his entire life

drives cars too fast, drinks too much, has no problem getting into heavier drugs

also okay on a lighter note the boy used to be addicted to cigarettes bc he started fairly young but hoo boy he’s now on that juul game

literally he always has a juul on him. spends all his money on juuls

he works as a florist n a gardener for extra cash even tho his bio parents send him money, just bc its one of the only things that really calm him down tbh ??

also i meant it when i said he doesnt tell ppl his real name, like, ever. at least his first name bc he loves his last name but ? u probably dont know him as benjamin or even benjy, just smth stupid like marcellus the magnificent or booboo the fool hahahsdfgh

did i mention he casually juggles bc i genuinely cannot remember lmao

uuuhh there’s more i’m sure but !! i have a really bad memory!

i also dunno if im keeping his fc but we will SEE

he’s basically like....still a five yr old child

OH okay so i remembered smth else

he’s essentially a nomad which means he hates being rooted to ucla so he’s usually off drivin’ around the coast bc he’s bored goddammit but he always comes back bc he’s a loyal dog

speaking of loyal dogs. he’s got commitment issues. but not commitment issues? it’s sort of like. he gets really interested in things/people, kind of focuses all his energy on that thing or person, and then one day wakes up and is just. terribly bored. tends to drop ppl like that, esp relationships, and he doesn’t think much of it bc it’s Normal for him

but believe it or not, if u call him in the middle of the night he WILL show up, or if u wrong him instead of him wronging u, he’ll still b endlessly loyal

like he’s shitty but he’s got a heart ?

also like i said. he is chaotically bi. both chaotic and bisexual and also the two combined.

he’s chaotic neutral in general

wanted connections ?? possibly ??

frat bros - [hulk hogan voice] brother. he needs them

general friends ! - if u dont hate him then u just. love him, man. no inbetween

exes - he’s probably got...a few of these, because his attention span lasts like a max of two weeks

hookups - they also dont tend to last very long just bc of how he is as a person, but y’know. they good while they last

ex-hookups, specifically

ex-friends - bc he’s an idiot

if u really want to u can bring in a circus pal but firstly idk how they’d afford school but honestly. we can work smth out. hmu [kissy face]

roommate - do they hate each other ?? who knows

bad influence - they only egg on benjy’s dumbass behavior

good influence - probably forces him to study for once, or take care of his dumb ass

idk what to call it but like. ppl who HE eggs on to be bad, is generally toxic to the other person

anything else u want [another kissy face]

#uclas:intro #hi sorry benjy and i are both messes

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earwaxinggibbous · 6 years ago

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10 Worst Hits of 2018!

I hate the 2018 hit list.

I hate all the artists we brought back. I hate all the new ones we got. I hate the fact that Lil Peep kicked the bucket without getting on the hot 100 but XXXfuckassaton got three hits. I hate that nothing off of Kamikaze reached the year end hot 100 despite it being one of the only good hip-hop albums that dropped this year. I hate that we’re all alive and that Tumblr has banned porn. But life goes on.

Bad hit songs. Bing bang boom.

Fair warning, I’m gonna be hitting a lot of trigger topics including abuse, pedophilia and rape.

10. Lucid Dreams - Juice WRLD

Before I say anything, can I just point out that ‘Juice WRLD’ is one of the absolute worst rap names I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

Anyway, Lucid Dreams.

I feel like rap music has been having a lot of sad pathetic break-up songs lately. And this won’t be the last one, absolutely not. Pretty much everything about Lucid Dreams, much like a seizing, dying epileptic old man, is wriggling and frothing uselessly in a puddle of its own filth. With nothing to do but choke out on a mouthful of blood it can only try to scream weakly through a pool of foamy spit that’s settling towards the back of its throat. It’s sad in the same way that ASPCA commercials are sad, as opposed to how a good break-up song feels.

As Juice WRLD brokely copies the beat of Lil Uzi Vert’s smash hit XO Tour Llif3 from last year, and also randomly samples a song by Sting, he stumbles weakly through lyric after insipid lyric that sounds like it was written by a 13-year-old. I tried to find an example of specific bad lyrics but holy shit, I’d honestly be better off just putting the lyric genius page here, complete with verified translations of this lyrical xanax binge from our boy Juice WRLD himself.

It’s a break-up song, but it’s as whiny as one can get. With Juice WRLD claiming “evil girls have the prettiest face” (gag) and insisting the girl in this song “wants him dead”. His whimpery vocals don’t help any part of this droning septic tank that I can only describe as the closest similarity we’ll ever get between a song and the pokemon Muk.

Even the music video is just a shittier version of XO Tour Llif3, and while it’s honestly more interesting than the other 75% of rap videos, what does it really add? I can only imagine that whoever was directing it realized this song has literally nothing going for it other than the possibility that stoners and pill-poppers will mistake it for XO Tour Llif3 if they’re high enough and threw in some surrealist imagery with the excuse being that, well, it’s titled Lucid Dreams.

Really the most egregious thing about this song is that, in the lyric genius page, Juice WRLD goes on some tangent about how popping pills isn’t cool and he was popping pills “before it was cool” and now kids are doing it. Hey Hi-C, you know these kids look up to people like you, right? Why not actually make a song about how doing drugs is bad instead of just offhandedly mentioning how you used to pop pills to, quote, “feel a-okay”? Not that I’m assuming you ever thought of that when you were writing this, most likely dosed up on a gallon of cough syrup.

Then again, I dunno if I wanna be preached to by the man who wrote a song titled All Girls Are The Same.

A lot of songs this year were underwritten and boring. Lucid Dreams isn’t the worst offender, but it’s definitely the saddest. And I don’t think it was sad the way ol’ Juicy Juice was intending. Personally, I’d rather just drink the kool-aid.

Blurgh... Muk cannot change you... Muk must replace you...

9. Meant to Be - Bebe Rexha ft. Florida Georgia Line

Is it bad that I honestly wasn’t sure who was the feature and who was the headline of this song?

Anyway, here we have Florida Georgia Line returning for another year of meathead bro-country crap and Bebe Rexha returning for another year of having literally no personality whatsoever with a song that has so little substance it may as well just be air.

I’ve never really extrapolated my thoughts on Bebe, mostly because she’s a complete and utter non-presence in every track she appears on. I honestly didn’t even realize she had a music career of her own, I felt like she just existed to feature on everyone else’s shitty music. What the hell is she gonna sing about besides the damn factory she was built in?

I’ve also never extrapolated my thoughts on Florida Georgia Line.

Here’s what I’m imagining their brains look like:

Yeah. So a combination between two walking cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a literal sex robot. What can go wrong? Well. Everything.

With a title like Meant to Be, you’d think it’s about running screaming into a relationship because you know it’s gonna work. Not so, as it’s actually about staying relaxed in a relationship. We got time, right? At least that’s what like, 75% of it is about that.

Bebe seems more than ready to rush in and get sloppy, but you think Florida Georgia Line are 100% ready to enter a steady relationship with a dead person? I wouldn’t be.

The production is just a piano and some sad trap drums, so basically every other Florida Georgia Line song. It has nothing going for it other than maybe masturbating to the music video and Bebe’s sweet, sweet inflatable titties trying desperately to crawl their way out of her country girl flannel.

And that’s really it.

You tried.

(Or did you?)

8. Friends - Marshmello ft. Anne-Marie

Aww! They’re so cute.

Marshmello is kind of a cryptid to me. I never really understood the whole trend of producers and DJs wearing these weird things on their head. And part of me, well, all of me feels like Marshmello rides purely on quirkiness alone.

Look at him! He’s so wacky!

The production on this isn’t bad��per se, other than this high-pitched squeal they drop into the final chorus, but it’s definitely not great and kinda has me wondering why Marshmello is basically producer of the year despite not doing anything much more interesting than all the other producers. At best he has a little bit more energy behind him.

Anne-Marie has apparently, allegedly existed before this year, but I have literally no recollection of any song by her. But if this song is anything to go by, she’s annoying and sucks.

Friends touts itself as “the friendzone anthem” and tries to be relatable to teenage girls who’ve had to friendzone a boy, and if I had to guess this is sort of in response to all the friendzone songs from 2016 like Treat You Better. This would be fine except 1. you’re two years late, 2. nobody wants to hear a friendzone anthem and 3. this song is the highest level of cuntiness anyone can comprehend.

Here’s the thing about the concept of the friendzone. Nobody sits around wanting to friendzone people. Nobody is chilling in their bedroom with their friends wishing they could have a friend who has a crush on them and then that friend is like “I like you” so they can be like “uhh we’re just friends”.

Which is why we don’t really need an anthem for it.

The friendzone sucks. It’s not even a real problem, dudes just make it a problem because apparently being friends isn’t good enough for them. Nobody wants to have a friend who’s crushing on them, nobody’s happy about that. And the catty Mean Girls tone that Anne-Marie takes to it makes it seem like she’s a strong independent woman trouncing on the hearts of men like some kind of TERF horse when really nobody feels that way when having to “friendzone” a person.

Plus judging by the lyrics, this guy is showing up at 2 AM in the rain. At some point you need to stop being friends when he starts obsessively stalking you, maybe a few words to consider would be R-E-S-T-R-A-I-N-I-N-G O-R-D-E-R.

Women have the right to see their male friends as just that. But nobody is proud of having to do it. It’s not a point of pride, it’s just a choice people make, like what shirt they wanna wear in the morning. Trying to sell it as some kind of bootleg female empowerment anthem is pathetic.

Also I swear to god she spells friends as “F-R-I-N-D-S” in the chorus.

“We’re just frinds, Deadmau5.”

7. Yes Indeed - Lil Baby and Drake

Who the good god damn is Lil Baby? I’d never actually heard of him until someone in my music history class gave us a presentation on Lil Baby and how cool he is. I’d literally never heard of the guy before, because I never really listen to any of these hits until the end of the year.

Turns out Lil Baby is just another mumble-rapper, this time jacking his style from Young Thug. Color me surprised, I guess. How come none of the mumble rappers I actually like came back this year? No Desiigner, no Lil Uzi Vert, no Lil Xan? No. Fuck you. You get Juice WRLD and Lil Baby, two of the worst rap names on the planet.

He’s on the list of rappers made famous by Drake, and Drake had a monster year this year. Even with me living in a hole I knew the impact God’s Plan had, but apparently all 25 of his crummy songs charted at some point. That is 25 monotonous Drake songs circulating through the radio stations, 25 Drake songs constantly weighing on the shoulders of the collective public, and 25 Drake songs even his detractors probably knew all the words to just through exposure. Even I’m sick of the guy, and I have Hotline Bling on my Google Play Music library.

Yes Indeed is honestly void of things to say about it. Drake is boring, Lil Baby has one of the worst voices in recent history I can think of, the beat is nothing, it’s just a nothing song. The only noteworthy thing about it is that Lil Baby references Pikachu, a big mistake, as Young Thug also referenced Pikachu on one of his first hits. Though I’ll admit a yellow car has more similarities to the electric mouse pokemon than diamonds do.

What bothers me about this song is less the song itself, as the song is a non-presence, but moreso that in a world where streaming has finally seeped its way into the Hot 100, we have come to the conclusion that this is what people want to hear. They wanna hear Yes Indeed. And I just don’t get it.

Also, “waah waah waah, bitch I’m a baby”. High art.

6. Te Bote - A whole shitload of people

I feel like Spanish reggaeton has been an on-and-off interest of the American public. But it really reached a head recently thanks to Despacito, which all Alexa memes aside, is a great fucking song. But the fruits of its labor have been less than impressive, from last year’s goat-screeching jam Mi Gente to whatever the hell this is.

It’s nice knowing that foreigners write music as shitty as we do.

The title, Te Bote, roughly translates to “I dump you”. But it can be read much harsher in Spanish as bote is often the verb people use to describe tossing out garbage. And boy, is this song... uh... you know.

I don’t like to barf out the word “misogyny” constantly just because, well, anything can be misogynistic if you look deep enough. There’s a point where even I, the ratty little feminist I am, just don’t care. But Jesus, referring to your woman as garbage in the most backhanded way is... wow.

But I’ll be honest, being an English speaking moron, I don’t care about the lyrics. My problems run much deeper than blatant misogyny and pettiness.

Namely that this song sounds like ass.

Te Bote has six artists on it. Six artists, and not a single one sounds good. Most of them are squealy. I don’t actually know who’s who except Ozuna and Bad Bunny. Ozuna is considered one of the worst Spanish artists of today, and I can see why, because he just straight-up sounds like the lovechild of Akon and Lloyd.

As for Bad Bunny, I was slightly more drawn in by him because he looks like a cross between Blackbear and Pitbull, and I dunno if he’s dropped any other better singles, but on this he straight-up sounds like Barney the Dinosaur. Not as much as Lil Yachty, but still. Most of the others sound like autotuned mice, but there’s one guy who tries some kind of low-voiced speed-rapping and it sounds weird and wrong. The production is nothing notable, and uses the bum, bum-bum drumline of literally every reggaeton and Spanish pop song including Despacito.

And I could forgive all of that.

But let’s look at this for a moment. Each artist has their own verse. That’s six verses. Six verses plus five choruses, one pre-chorus, an intro and an outro. And how much does that add up to?

Nearly seven minutes.

Seven minutes of the same beat. Seven minutes of basically the same kinds of singers. Seven minutes of misogynistic lyrics. Seven minutes of garbage, garbage, garbage. Imagine listening to this whole thing. There are people on this earth who have actually sat through this whole garbage song multiple times and thought, “yeah. I like this.”

I mean of course Te Bote barely got any radio play, it’s nearly 7 minutes long with no breaks. So obviously some massive group of people had to be streaming it and listening to it by choice.

5. Taste - Tyga ft. Offset

Remember Tyga? He was one of the Young Money rappers that didn’t completely fall off after the 2000′s, along with Nikki Minaj and Drake. But after he put out $timulated, a song about how he fucked a 17-year-old Kylie Jenner but, in the words of Slim Shady, “look at her bush: do it got hair?”

we all dropped him, because that’s fucking gross. Kylie Jenner dumped him and is now dating someone else, I forget who because I don’t care. And with us having to deal with 6ix9ine I was comfortable leaving Tyga in the wastelands.

Honestly? The only reason this song is even here is because it’s a return Tyga single. I’m not even mad about Freaky Friday, because like, whatever, it made me laugh like a stupid idiot, but this? We asked for this. A Tyga single in 2018, about nothing, with a nothing beat, and Offset still bragging that he’s the best member of Migos when that’s like being the twinkiest member of One Direction. And once again, people actively wanted to hear this song about nothing in a year full of songs about nothing that, at the very least aren’t by pedophiles.

I don’t even wanna talk about this anymore.

4. I’m Upset - Drake

Me fucking too.

Like I said, Drake dropped 25 songs on his new album Scorpion, and all of them became hits. The worst of which, in my opinion, being I’m Upset. Just look at that title. That’s how your father talks to you when you slam a window open with a baseball and he walks through the glass shards.

This one has backstory, my favorite, longtime rival Pusha-T stated in some song that Drake actually had a secret child with a porn star and was planning on using that kid for like, an Adidas sponsorship or something. Which is fucked up. And at least part of that has been confirmed on Drake’s end, he did have a secret son with a porn star.

And then Scorpion and I’m Upset dropped. And it sucked. All of it.

The chorus of I’m Upset is weirdly catchy, but the beat is like every other Drake beat, Drake himself sounds about as upset as he can convey, which is very little, and it’s all just really really boring soundwise. When Drake goes on for long enough he begins to just sound like a bunch of bees. Bees, bees, bees, nothing but bees. And I’m tired of Drake bees! I’m sick of it! I don’t want anymore!

Anyway, lyrically the gist of I’m Upset is about how Drake doesn’t like paying alimony, and NO.

BAD DRAKE! BAD! BAD RAPPER! GO TO YOUR ROOM!

You do not get to be a world-famous rapper with fuckillions of dollars to your name and get to whine and bitch about paying alimony to your baby mama. You don’t get to roll on the floor whimpering about how your evil harpy whore of a porn star one-night-stand is (legally) receiving money from you to take care of the son that YOU ditched.

You had 25 hits this year. 25. And you’re getting pissy because you have to pay and I quote fifty to a hundred thousand dollars child support. For you that should be nothing. You are practically drowning in money, and if you really don’t wanna pay child support you could, I dunno, raise your goddamn son instead of leaving him in the hands of someone who probably barely makes a fraction in a year of what you make in a month?

Look, say what you want about Eminem. At least he was a good father on record, and if he isn’t a good one in real life I’ll be very very shocked.

I’m upset too, Drake.

3. Roll in Peace - Kodak Black ft. XXXTENTACION

I fUCKING HATE KODAK BLACK

Might wanna consider writing stuff down, Kodes.

May I call you Kodes?

Anyway, Roll In Peace is the only song on this list that isn’t ACTUALLY in the Year End Hot 100, but I couldn’t just let it slide. Not when it’s a collab beween Kodak Black and XXX. Not when it sounds like ass and feels like being shot.

If Drake sounds like bees then Kodak sounds like mosquitos, right in your ear, in the deepest parts that can only be reached by one of those earwax slurping tools. The beat has that flute again, probably because it’s half of what made Tunnel Vision famous. (The other half being controversy of course.) X’s verse has like, two lines to do with the actual plot of this song. And what is the plot?

Oh, poor pitiful Kodak can’t roll in peace. Poor Kodak Black can’t have any time to himself! The media is just all over him and X for no reason whatsoever! He’s never done anything wrong, other than, oh I don’t know, the rape allegations? The abuse? Armed robbery? Assault? That one time X nearly killed a gay dude in prison for no reason other than the gay part?

Yeah, fuck you.

You can’t “roll in peace” because you don’t have the right to anymore. You are a bad person. And X, when he was alive, was a bad person too. Sure maybe he was claiming to be working on self-improvement, but the only way I’d believe it is if I saw it, and it’s too late for that now.

As long as you refuse to apologize, you will not “roll in peace”. As long as you don’t see that you have done something wrong and continue to blame it on systemic racism which is a very real thing that you continue to trivialize again and again so you can avoid your rape allegations, you aren’t allowed to have any peace in your goddamn fucking life.

You can’t try to deflect it on Lil Uzi who posts Satanic imagery on his Instagram despite wearing a Jesus piece. You don’t get to deflect. You get nothing, and you deserve to go broke and fuck off.

There’s a joke I can make, but it’s too soon.

2. Gummo - 6ix9ine

Oh, okay, I can do this.

Uh, Gummo is this really good movie directed by Harmony Korine about some kids in this town that was totally wrecked by a tornado. And after that everything’s in shambles, so these kids can just do whatever they wa...

Oh. Oh dammit.

GOD IS DEAD GOD IS DEAD GOD IS DEAD.

So imagine you’re me looking at the Hot 100 for one of the very first times about a year ago, and you see a song titled after one of your favorite flicks of all time. And sure, it’s being sung by a guy who looks like a Lisa Frank condom, but god you just love that movie so much. And sure, Nicole Dollanganger has already made songs referencing that movie, but you want MORE.

Then you play it and it has literally nothing to do with it.

It’s loud and obnoxious and stupid and has a very clearly hispanic dude dropping the n-word like he fucking owns it. He’s just screaming these nonsense lyrics about nothing. And it’s not like I just don’t get songs with screaming. I have the entirety of Carcass’ Reek of Putrefaction on my phone. But this? This sucks. It sucks! The beat doesn’t fit at all and no matter how I look at it it wouldn’t fit anywhere else, and 6ix9ine’s flow is the death of all art. The only thing he can do, much like a child in a well, is scream and scream and scream and it’s horrible.

And trust me.

This was far before I knew of 6ix9ine’s baggage.

In case you don’t know somehow, this Rainbow Brite little fucker was actually convicted of filming a sex tape of a 13-year-old. While I don’t think he actually had sex with her, he was at some level sexually involved with her.

How did we respond? We gave the ugly fucker a hit. And his hit was this. Where he directly references his sexual involvement with this 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

He doesn’t give a shit. And he knows his fans don’t either. He continues to release low-effort garbage music, and in an interview about FEFE he even openly stated that he doesn’t put any effort into writing lyrics. He doesn’t try, he’s a bad person, and his blind fanbase continues to shower him in money like he deserves it.

We’re idiots.

An awful song made by an awful person. The only way to hold a candle to it would be, well, an even worse song made by an awful person.

Anyway, dishonorable mentions.

FEFE - 6ix9ine ft. Nikki Minaj

This song sucks too. And Nikki Minaj should be ashamed for working with this fuckhead.

God’s Plan - Drake

I’m almost definitely a minority in absolutely loathing this song, but I can’t stand it. It’s not structured, there’s no flow to it, it just feels like a whole lot of nothing with no point. And while I will give it to Drake that throwing money at homeless people is a really good thing regardless of why he did it, it was still a super obvious publicity stunt.

Plug Walk - Rich The Kid

Boring.

Girls Like You - Maroon 5 ft. Cardi B

Also boring. My tolerance for Maroon 5 has lasted way longer than anyone else’s, but I think it’s about time we let them go.

I Like Me Better - Lauv

I’ll be honest, the only part of this song I really hate is the weird synth interludes. The singing is fine, the content is fine, it’s all the perfect level of mediocre without that violin fart synth.

No Brainer - The ‘I’m The One’ crew, but we replaced Wayne with an actual baby

Really just an even less interesting version of I’m The One, but without Li’l Wayne. Also Justin Bieber kind of looks like a trucker now, and I hate to say it, but that’s the most attractive he’s ever been in my opinion.

Freaky Friday - Li’l Dicky ft. Chris Brown

I’ll be honest, I actually love this song. It’s funny to me, I mean, maybe I’m a simple-minded man, but a good dick joke can send me off the rails. But I’m still at least a little miffed that we’re letting Chris Brown have money, so it gets a mention.

Gucci Gang - Li’l Pump

It would be here if it wasn’t also a hit last year. Consider this a placeholder for any crossover hits I didn’t like, like Mi Gente, Perfect, Believer, and Sorry Not Sorry.

Let’s do number one. And if you know me, you know what this is. If you don’t, don’t just immediately get pissed with me when you read it. Okay? We’re good here? Alright.

1. SAD! - XXXTENTACION

So here’s a fun little sobstory for you. Less than a year ago, my boyfriend introduced me to this great artist. They were in a really oversaturated genre but doing something completely different with it, and I fell in love immediately with their dark topics, interesting production, cool music videos, and general aesthetic. And their name was not XXXTENTACION, it was Melanie Martinez.

Late last year she was pressed with a rape allegation, and one that couldn’t be proved either way. Desperately I scraped through the bowels of the internet in search of something that could disprove it and came back largely empty-handed and wounded. Because Melanie’s music meant a lot to me, and I do mean that. I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t sure what to do knowing that a person I’d based my own aesthetic, my own writing, my art, and my music on would do something like that. I tried to force myself not to listen to her music, but it just wasn’t possible.

Over time the wound scabbed up and closed and I finally gave up and decided to split the art from the artist, feeling like at the very least I wasn’t directly giving her any money by downloading her music on Google Play. But I’ll still never be able to get back the way she used to make me feel.

So what I’m saying is, I get it.

I’ve actually gone and listened to a few of X’s songs on my own before doing this. And I put myself in the mind of me a year ago discovering a new artist without those preconceptions. And I felt it. I don’t know how, but I did. I felt it. I listened to Look At Me, and I felt like if I’d heard it before I knew what X had done, I’d probably love it. Sure the production is a fucking disaster but the lyrics are just the kind of shock rap that entertains me. The production on Moonlight is really interesting and while I didn’t think Changes was very good and kind of guilt trippy, I could definitely understand it.

But then I circled back around to SAD!

And I lost it.

Something about this song just kills all the good will I might have ever had for this kid or his fans. And really it’s all because of one line, and everyone probably knows what that line is already.

So according to lyric genius this line might not actually mean what I think it means and could potentially be referring to X’s friend Jocelyn Flores, who took her own life tragically. And though on X’s song about her and every time he addresses her he seems to make it all about himself, he really did seem wounded by it. He seemed like a wounded, mentally fucked-up person who needed help.

Except that this song is about Geneva.

The girlfriend he allegedly abused.

The girlfriend who was pregnant, who he abused, and judging by this line, who he is now performing the age-old manipulation tactic of threatening suicide if she ever leaves on.

When I remove this song from context, there’s no way of excusing that line. The rest of it I can understand, and he really does seem emotional in the verses, and I know we’ve all been in a place at some point of being somehow spurned by a lover and still missing them in spite of it. But to threaten suicide if they try to leave is inexcusable.

His voice sounds fine, and the beat is once again stolen from XO Tour Llif3, but there’s a point where I can’t really care about it. Because children do listen to this kind of music. And along with Melanie Martinez, this song brings me back to when I was young and one of my favorite songs was What The Hell by Avril Lavigne. A song about cheating on your S/O and not seeing a problem with it. My sister and I would sing and dance to that song all the time, so much that I never really realized what it was about, or that there was anything wrong with it. Not until I was an adult and I looked back on it. And wouldn’t you know it, children can sing along to SAD! too.

I know X is dead. And I know it’s not my business to dictate how people should feel about things. Geneva deserves the right to be sad about X’s death, and she forgives him, even though I really don’t. But the way people have treated her especially after X died is inexcusable, and it’s in part because he wrote songs like this. He didn’t just manipulate her. He manipulated everyone. Every single one of his fans probably really did think he would kill himself if his girlfriend left her. And yes, X is on record having thoughts of suicide, I would never take that from someone.

I used to have a close friend who would feign a panic attack every time someone criticized him. It felt like he was threatening suicide once a week. And I always supported him because I cared about him. It was exhausting. I ostracized people because they knew he was a bad person. I shut people, good people, out of my life because they wanted to help, and I said bad things to them. Eventually we fell out and I was left cold and alone with nobody left to take me back, and I slugged through mud for a year just to pick myself back up.

I can imagine that’s kind of what being an XXXTENTACION fan is like.

And like me, with any luck, they’ll regret saying the things they did too.

That’s all for this year. I’ll get to the best when I have more energy, but now I just can’t.

#panda posts #top 10 #worst hits of 2018 #top 10 worst hits of 2018 #pop song review #negative review

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