#maybe its because of flu meds

[localcultleadxr]

had a fever dream today.

literally, I have a flu or something idk

tw Queen of England

so I was a hairdresser apparently??? and my client was Queen Elizabeth so I probably was in hell or something??? and I was trying to give her a makeover while having a literal gun pointed to my head??? because Lizzie was some kind of a partner to Jason??? so I'm there crying, putting fake hair to her head and suddenly someone barged in??? and they were men in black and their leader was Troye Sivan with shiny silky ginger hair??? and he jumped at Jason just to make-out with him???

so I took the Queen and we were crawling in some vents??? but she disappeared and I was playing baseball with the Cullens for some reason??? which makes no sense because I hate Twilight.

Troye Sivan shiny hair looked somewhat like this btw:

or it might have been Roy because I was reading some fluffy JayRoy before I went to sleep

but why was Queen Elizabeth there??? it's literally my new roman empire idc

[metaphorfordeath]

Anti-Psychotic

A person living with schizophrenia finds that their delusions may have more basis in reality than they thought. Originally published in the Fall/Winter II issue of Diet Milk Magazine, available here. Content warnings for depiction of psychosis, violence, ableist language.

No one is watching me.

Julie has me write that down at our session. She never listens to me. She says, it can be comforting to realize that people don’t think of you as much as you think they do. I know this already. She asks, what evidence do you have that you are being watched? I say there isn’t any. Just a feeling. She writes something down, and asks about my meds again. 

So fucking patronizing. Of course I take them. I have taken mine like clockwork, every day, for five years. Maybe I missed a few days, but who doesn’t forget sometimes. My meds are cleat spikes jabbing into the earth. Helping me keep my footing. Making sure I don’t slip.

Last week I started getting the prickle again. Like fingers up my back. Someone standing behind me, breathing. I live alone. When I felt it, I wasn’t scared at first. These things happen sometimes. I’ve been around the block. The prickle and I are old friends, practically. When it finds me, I have ways to forget it. 

I drew the blinds, which helped a bit. I had a drink—nobody's perfect—but the prickle didn’t dull. So I peeked through the shades at the street below. Normal street stuff. The sun was setting, painting the world in shades of fire. Cars went by, all the usuals. Some kids were yelling in a driveway. A wasp tapped at my window, wiggling its feelers at me. No obvious source for the prickle. So, probably nothing. For the rest of the evening I puttered, read my book, ate some frozen nothing heated in the microwave, and took my meds. The prickle was temporary, I told myself as I lay down to sleep, the usual fog settling over me in a cool, clammy layer. No one was watching me. No one ever is.

That was a week ago. It’s only gotten worse since then. The prickle turned into a terrified stomach ache that kept me up for nights and nights. I called in sick to group, told Cheryl the caseworker that I have the flu. She sounded alarmed, but she’s only worried because of what happened to Devin.

Devin was like me: good at meds, good at therapy. We were friends, in a psycho kind of way. A few weeks ago, Devin started to get bad. Stopped showing up to group, didn’t even call. I haven’t seen him in a while, even when I went looking for him in his usual bad places. I miss him. I told Cheryl not to worry. I’m steady, just sick. I’ll see her again soon. 

I keep taking my meds, but they aren’t helping like they should. The fog I count on to sleep is thin, or missing. Something scrabbles at my skin from underneath, and I keep catching myself scratching little bits off of me. When I lay down, a low, neutral voice whispers nonsense at me through the pillow I clamp over my head. I can’t shower; that’s when the prickle gets stronger. Someone standing on the other side of the shower curtain, someone looking down at me through the water stain on the ceiling. I hiss and babble out loud just to hear myself talk, to shut up the voices that aren’t mine. I get sicker by the day.

By now I haven’t been outside in over a week, but my meds are ready to pick up. I don’t want to miss a dose, so I put on shoes and the big jacket that makes me feel safe, and I go outside. Birds leer at me from the tops of buildings. Walking in the opposite direction, an old lady frowns at me.

“Hmph, same to you,” she snaps.

My stomach lurches, but I don’t say anything, just keep walking. I hadn’t spoken. Had I? 

The drug store is brightly lit. It hurts to be inside. Too many things to look at. Faces on packaging look strange now. Confrontational. Interrogative. But at least they look like faces. When I look at anyone real, their features shift. Static snow eats at the air around their heads in a halo. It frightens me, so I keep my eyes on my shoes. The pharmacy tech who’s always there gets the packet for me, rings it up.

“Any questions about your medication?” he asks. I shake my head, pay with a card. He has glasses that give his face a sort of stability, so I look at it. His eyes are brown, beard gray, no hair on his head. He smiles at me. “Have a nice day, miss.”

“You too,” I mutter.

And then I go home, have to stop myself from running for safety. The walk is twenty minutes each way; harrowing, the passing cars huge and hungry, huffing and snorting at me. The prickle is more than a prickle by now. It feels like someone is pulling out the hairs on the back of my neck, one by one. My heart thuds against my ribs so hard that I’m afraid it will burst out, plop on the sidewalk and keep throbbing without me. The paper bag with my pills turns damp and tattered in my sweaty hand. 

And getting home doesn’t even help this time.

Julie says too much TV can be a trigger for me, but I start leaving it on all the time. Noise beats silence, any day. No empty spaces that need filling. I can’t watch sitcoms or anything fictional, so I tune it to the news. The news is always. Steady, real, factual. There’s a story about a body they found by the freeway. Pushed out of a moving car. No one knows or cares who it was. There’s a picture of the scene, taped up yellow and covered in those little numbers that say where a bit of evidence is. A tattered jacket lays in a ditch, dark with blood. 

I stand and race to the bathroom, cool porcelain against my hands, bile and nothing coming up as sweat pours down my back. My head pounds, edges of my vision sparkling. I can only see the jacket. Not dirty or bloody or ruined but the way it used to look. Devin’s jacket.

Something is horribly wrong. Men-in-black wrong. The-end-is-nigh wrong. 

The prickle wasn’t imagination. It was intuition. 

Someone got Devin. Who else did they get before him?

---

The next week, I force myself to go to group. I need to see faces. See who else is there, or not. Cheryl picks me up for these, since I don’t drive. I’m sicker than I can remember being, and try to remember to ask Julie about my dose on Tuesday. I sit silently in the passenger seat, feeling Cheryl’s eyes on me. Caseworkers all have the same eyes.

“Feeling alright today, X?” 

My name isn’t the name she calls me. You don’t need to know it.

“Fine,” I say, pinching my hands between my knees. They shake if I don’t. “Still getting over that flu.”

“Sorry to hear that,” she says. Her sedan has beige fabric seats. The passenger seat is dark, stained with sweat and whatever else from all the people she’s ferried around. A vanilla air freshener dangles from the rear view mirror.

Someone shouts in my ear, so close I feel a little blast of hot breath on my neck, and I flinch. Cheryl looks at me suddenly.

“Everything okay?”

She didn’t hear that. “Yeah. Sorry. Weird itch.”

“Hmm.” 

Group is fine. It’s usually fine. I don’t say much this time, just look around at everyone in their folding chairs. Their faces are wrong. It makes me nauseous to look, but I look anyway. I need to see who isn’t here.

There are no empty chairs, but there are fewer. One or two down from usual. All the other regulars are here, picking at their skin or looking at the clock or chewing their hair. I glance across the room and for a second I think I see Devin, sitting in his old coat. But when I look again, it’s just Tom. I almost hoped.

When it’s over, there’s bad coffee to drink. I suck on a red straw and let the bitter taste anchor me to my tongue. I inhabit my body, touch my fingers to the side of my face to know that it and my fingers exist. Sufficiently convinced of my realness, I go to Amber, our de facto leader.

She’s drinking water from a bottle with cucumber slices in it, cloudy with pulp and seeds. Ectoplasmic. It makes my stomach turn.

“Amber,” I say. My voice feels far away. She looks at me, expectant. “I missed last week. Have you seen Greg, or Mariah?”

“Oh, no, I haven’t. Greg was here last week, but I haven’t seen Mariah since like, last month. Why?”

“Just wondering.”

A crinkle appears between her eyebrows. I focus on that, since the rest of her features won’t stay put. “You’re worried because of what happened to Devin?”

“I think Devin is dead.” There is a sudden hush as other people in my vicinity overhear. “I saw his jacket. On the news.”

Cheryl appears beside me. “X, would you like to talk in the hallway?” 

She pulls me out before I can answer. “Have you been feeling alright?” she asks again. “Taking your medication?”

“Yes,” I say, a little forcefully. She clicks her tongue.

“Really? Because if you need to move up your next appointment, I can make some arrangements for you.”

Despite the fact that I do want to move my appointment up, her tone hits a button in my brain and my face turns red. “No,” I say. “I’ll wait until the next one. I’m fine. I just need to know what’s happening.” A rancid taste creeps up the back of my throat. “Where are people going?”

“Honey, everyone’s here that needs to be here.”

“No—that’s not right. I need to know.” 

I can tell from the way she moves that she thinks I’m getting agitated. She doesn’t understand what I’m saying. “People call in sick sometimes. You did, just last week. Mariah was having issues sticking with the program, so we’re working something out. No one’s gone.”

“Devin is gone. Devin is dead. He’s dead and no one knows it.”

Cheryl comes closer, her voice so low and venomous that it starts to meld with the others. “I’m going to give Dr. Bern a call and try to get you in with her sooner than Tuesday. If you can’t keep up with your regimen, we’ll have to consider another in-patient stay.”

Anger chokes me until my vision goes white. “Okay,” is all I can manage. I have some unsavory thoughts, which I won’t repeat to you now.

“Good,” says Cheryl, holding my leash. “Let’s get you home.”

I don’t sleep. I don’t even try. Someone is watching me. I think about Devin, the last time we spoke before he was gone. He got paranoid, too. He jabbered sometimes, when we would see each other. The same face, he said, with glass eyes. Looking at him. Following him. He said his pills were replaced, his furniture moved, nothing looked the same as he’d left it. No one listens to me, he said. I’m scared, he said. I’m scared of what will happen next.

“I’m scared, too,” I say to no one. A chorus laughs at me. 

---

“So,” says Julie. “Cheryl told me you’ve been having some trouble sticking to your medication.”

“I stick to it,” I say, and set the pill bottle on the desk in front of her. “Count them and tell me I’m not.”

She doesn’t move to count them. I’d hoped at least that she would humor me. “It sounds like some of your persecutory thoughts are returning. Tell me about what you’re worried about.”

“I saw on the news that they found someone’s body in a ditch off the interstate. They showed pictures. I think the body was Devin.”

“Devin from your group?” I nod. “We actually just heard from him last week. His brother answered when we called his phone. Devin is currently in a private rehabilitation clinic in Cincinnati. He’s alright, X.”

A numb feeling falls over me all at once, like a sheet. Something crawls up my thigh and disappears into a deep hole in my flesh. “Oh.”

“Amber talked to us, too. She said you asked her about Greg and Mariah’s absences this week?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I followed up on those for you, too. Greg had an accident at home and was in the emergency room during your meeting time this week. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to reach Mariah personally, but her father informed me over the phone that her family has pulled her out of the program. She won’t be returning.” Julie leans across her desk. “X, can you please look at me?”

I look at her. Her face is twisted, like a mask, papier mâché, drooping strips of plaster bandage. The static threatens to consume her, and me.

“I’m going to increase your dose to eighty milligrams. For now you can take two of what you have at the usual time, but I’m sending in a new prescription to the pharmacy.” She scrawls something on a pad at hand, and I take the opportunity to look away. “I’ll see you again this time next week, okay? And if anything’s the matter, you can call the nurse’s hotline. We’ll take care of you.” She hands me the script. 

“Thank you,” I say, and then someone brings me home. I am silent for the drive. Thinking.

Wasn’t Devin an only child?

I start doubling my dose. The fog doesn’t come. The prickle intensifies into ceaseless paranoia. I check the window locks three times a day to make sure, even though I live on the third floor. Chair under the doorknob, empty bottles stacked on it so I’ll hear if someone comes. I can’t stop thinking about Devin, and the others. Were they all really fine? Was this just a breakthrough-breakdown, pills ceasing their function and leaving me alone, spiraling? 

I hadn’t tried calling Devin in weeks. He didn’t pick up the first few times, and anyone in that state doesn’t usually want to talk anyhow. But Julie said someone answered when they called. Maybe they would answer for me.

The phone buzzes. Surging forward and receding, like a tide. Devin could be there on the other end. Getting better. Being cared for. I close my eyes and wait to hear his voicemail, or something else.

Click. “Hello?”

The voice startles me so much I can’t speak. A stranger.

“Hello?” says the phone. “Who is this?”

“Um,” I say suddenly, “Devin?”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the voice says. “Devin isn’t here right now. May I ask who’s calling?”

“I’m—his friend. X,” I clarify. My voice is not of me. “Can I talk to him soon?”

“No, unfortunately he can’t talk. But I’ll let him know you called, he’ll be happy to hear people are checking up on him.”

“What’s—who are you?”

“I’m Eric, Devin’s brother. I’m taking good care of him, miss. Have a nice day.” 

The call ends. Something in my stomach shrivels. I run to the bathroom, but there’s nothing to bring up. I don’t know why that voice scared me so much. Why had I thought Devin was an only child? He hadn’t mentioned his family—maybe I’d just assumed, or forgotten if he’d said. Of course he had a brother. He was alright. They all were, now.

---

Days pass. Bugs make their homes in me. My medication runs out, the new pills ready for pickup. I’d rather die than set foot outside. But I need my stability. I steel myself to leave, and exit my apartment into the world. 

Everyone looks at me. They all want to hurt me. A car drives slowly past me and I try not to look at the people inside. My head hurts. It’s hard to see where I’m going, but I go.

The drug store is bigger than it was last time. Brighter. Angrier. People avoid me as I shuffle towards the pharmacy counter. The pharmacist who’s always there smiles at me again.

“Do you have any questions about your medication?”

I shake my head, fumbling for my card. He’s staring at me through his glasses.

“Do you need me to call someone for you?”

His voice makes me want to puke. I shake my head again, take the pills and make for the door. A crowd of voices shout at me as I stagger out into the air. I miss the way things were. My cleats don’t fit anymore. I tear the bag open, pop the lid off the bottle and shake a pill into my mouth, force it down dry and sticky and hope it does its job. My mouth is sweet where it lingered. It didn’t used to be so sweet.

There is a dull shock of understanding that blooms at the edge of my mind. The prickle rises on the back of my neck, and I look over my shoulder again. The pharmacist is looking at me from his position behind the counter. His face ringed in static. He waves at me. And I take off running.

There is no one I can call. No one who will listen. There are only doors that will slam in my face, white speckle tile and fluorescent lights and needles. He knows that. He knew it for Devin, too. He knew it for the rest of them. The wind in my face feels like fingers grasping at me, tugging at my hair, slowing me down. I race home, up the stairs and lock the door, brace it with furniture and then I sit on the floor and cry and cry. They’re laughing at me. Trading whispers. Look how stupid. Look how gullible. Go on and cry, crybaby. 

So I do. It’s all I have left.

The next time it’s group, I don’t come to the door. Cheryl calls me, but I don’t answer. There will be a wellness check if I don’t come. I want them to, now. When her calls finally stop piling up, I wait fifteen minutes, then step outside. I leave my door open, leave what I can to show that I am gone. I leave the pills out, and the script. Crush a few with my heel for good measure. I hope they can put the pieces together.

It’s dark, cool. It reminds me of the fog, makes me wish I could sleep. Eyes follow me through the evening. Headlights burn me as cars move past. I walk slowly in my big jacket, letting myself be watched. Letting the prickle come up my neck, creep over my scalp, trickle down over my face until it covers me in a thin layer and I prickle all over. The prickle and I are old friends. It tells me when to be afraid.

Then there are headlights at my back that don’t go away. The growl of an engine crashes into me. I stop walking, and someone gets out. I don’t turn to look. I can’t stand to look at faces anymore. Suddenly, I have a funny thought. Maybe I do have some questions about my medication, after all.

Something whistles through the air above my head, and the world disappears.

When I wake up later, I’m not sure if I have. There are stars. It smells like gasoline, copper and dirt. My jacket is gone. My mouth is gone, too. My hands. You’re caught, someone says in my ear, you let it happen. With my eyes, which I still have, I look across the floor. It hurts to look. There’s blood under me, sticky black. The prickle is gone. I discovered its source.

I’m alone for a long time. It’s hard to say how much. I realize that there’s a door behind me when it opens. Light falls across the floor, yellow tractor beam coming to take me away. I long to be weightless, but the earth won’t let me. Then the pharmacist who is always there puts his shoe against my face and turns me over. He doesn’t speak. He crouches down and looks into my eyes like he is trying to take something from me. Then he takes the tape off my mouth.

All I do at first is scream. It's all my body knows how to do. He sits and watches me. When I can see his mouth, it’s smiling, and I realize he likes it when I scream. So as soon as I can, I stop. Silence rushes back into the gaps, roaring in my ears.

“Good girl,” he says when I am quiet. His voice is a distorted growl, infrasound, rattling my eardrums. “Aren’t you such a good girl?”

I think about his throat in my teeth. I think about his blood on my face. For a moment it feels like I am lunging for him, jabbing thumbs into soft and fragile places. But he still has my hands, turning numb and purple at the small of my back. So I sit up as much as I can and spit at the floor near his feet. Faster than my eyes can track, he lurches forward. Fist in my hair, hauling me up to hip height.

He looks into my face with his glass eyes. His mouth is monstrous, all his white teeth sharp in a thicket of gray.

“I’ve been watching you,” he says. 

I know this already. There is nothing satisfying in the confirmation of it. 

He is not the man in black I always pictured. He could be anybody.

“Think of this as a favor I’m doing you.”

Then he hits me again. And other things.

When I’m alone, voices chatter in my ears. No one is coming, they say, you are alone. They will not find you. You and the ditch will be friends soon. So you amounted to this—better than nothing, we suppose. I shush them, rock myself against the cement floor and hum and think about grass, and birds. I try not to leave myself room to cry. I don’t want him to have the satisfaction.

A thousand years go by. Outside the room, there are voices. Not any of mine. His, and others. They start loud, and get quiet. His voice goes away completely. Doors open, distant, then closer. Light falls over my body again, and I feel the weightlessness. Real this time. My hands come back to me, but I can’t move them. There are faces, more than I’ve seen in a while. They scare me, but I can’t run, so I try not to look. Except at his. They take me past him, and I look. Through his glasses I see his eyes, still trying to take something from me. He has, by now. But not what he wanted.

I sleep for a long time, and when I wake up, the world is the way I remember it. My feet on the ground, cleats and all, not slipping. When I’m well enough they bring me to identify Devin’s body, since he didn’t really have a brother after all. They find Mariah’s, too. Greg really was in the emergency room, turns out. But there are others. Too many to think of.

Cheryl changes careers afterwards. Probably for the best. I find this out when she drives me to group the first time after I get out of the hospital. She doesn’t look at me much, but when she does, I can see her eyes are different. Not caseworker eyes anymore.

“Lauren is going to be taking over your case starting next week,” she says after a long silence. “So this will be the last time I see you.” I can tell she’s trying not to cry.

“Okay,” I say. 

She never apologizes. No one does. They all say they’re sorry for what happened to me, but that isn’t the same thing. People who don’t listen never think to apologize for it. They think they were listening all along.

Things are mostly the same as before, except I get my pills mailed to me now. And I think about Devin a lot. When I pour myself a drink, I pour one for him too and pretend he’s with me. I don’t have any pictures, so mostly I think about his voice. The last time we ever spoke, he told me, no one listens to me, X. 

What I said then was, I know the feeling, man.

But now I just tell him I’m sorry.

[fantasynsuch]

Adam Stanheight SFW + NSFW headcanons

REQUESTS FOR SAW OPEN!

2.3k words

Sfw

How you meet!

you two meet probably in the hallway of your crappy apartment complex.

you run into him from the corner, he had his headphones in and was listening to it on full volume, and you were running late for work

crashing head first into neighbor? you dick he probably thinks to himself as he realizes he just ran into his neighbor.

he'd seen you around before: mostly rushing to whatever crappy retail job of the month you had

he had thought you were really beautiful, but he was a coward at heart, so never did anything about it

this time he didn't have the choice to not interact with you: well, without looking like a dick

"I am SO sorry. I'm such a dumbass." He rushes out before he can think

Youre still kinda in a little bit of shock, so you just look up at this incredibly handsome man who just face planted into you for a long while

he thinks your silence is you rejecting his apologies and he quietly apologizes and runs off

but you just were so enamored by him that you couldn't say anything

at work all you can think about is how you didn't accept his apologies and probably made him feel horrible

you were determined to make things right so after work you grab a couple packs of the smokes you always saw him with from the store and rush to his apartment

you timidly knock on his door and wait with bated breath

he sees you through the peephole and momentarily considers not answering it

but he sees the bag you have in your hand and is curious

he opens it, fully expecting to be yelled at for running into you

but all that happens is you raise the bag up quickly and say "i'm so sorry i didn't say anything, i feel so bad. i just was in shock because you're s-" you stop and say nothing after realizing your rambling

he looks in the bag and notices the smokes

you smile at him shyly

and that starts a beautiful relation

how you are as friends

you stay over ALOT

he tends to not eat the best so you make him alot of dinners and lunches to make sure he's eating regularly

his work as a professional stalker keeps him up at odd hours so those pre made meals are rlly a life saver

buying each other candy and snacks alot

when the other was having a rough month fiancially, you would try to pick up the slack andhelp them

that means buying the other small groceries and items to get them through till the next check

you stay over sm the other has toiletries like tooth brushes n soap at the others place

going to parties together but only talking to one another bc ur both not super extroverted

you just go for the free alcohol

speaking of which,,, taking care of each other when the other is drunk

he holds ur hair when ur sick in the toilet,

you rub his back when he's sick

when the other is actually ill as in cold or the flu, bringing each other soup n montioring each others temp

making sure the other takes their meds to get better

inevitably the other gets sick with the same thing, but it just ends up the same way with the other taking care of u

leaving notes in his mail slot when he's busy, and since its 2004, no fast messaging so "coming over at 5!! xoxo" in his mail slot

he lives kinda like a typical man with basically only a chair and essentials , bare ass living room

taking him to the thrift store to get like a decent couch n maybe an arm chair

helping him expand his wardrope to something beyond crappy second hand flannel n white shirt (preferably without blood on it)

helping him get through his trauma over the trap

you cant exactly help him get over it, but ur there when he has bad moments

holding him while he sobs in ur lap

just stroking his hair n reminding him hes here n not at the god awful bathroom

it really calms him down and reminds him he is present in this moment, not that one

he sometimes gets insecure about his scar on his shoulder and tries to hid it but you remind him that he shouldnt be embarassed for being strong enough to survive

helping him get back into normal non stalkery photographer- his need to make money to live kinda outweighed his desire to just take pics of birds

speaking of which: he def loves nature photography

he lives in new jersey, so its rare he gets to do that, but its a nice treat

road trips with him n he spends the whole time as a passenger princess asking you to stop n take pics of a dead tree that has a rlllly nice backdrop

ur crappy car probably breaks down once or twice but its part of the adventure

In a relationship

kisses. lot of f'ing kisses

neck kisses, forehead kisses, navel kisses. any types!

probably is the little spoon lbr

follows ur lead for the most part

want to go to the theatre? it may take out half his money but he WILL pay for the date

probably gets u sweet treats alot n writes a little note that says "love you babe!"

he def clings to you everywhere u go

got to go to the kitche? catch him hugging u from behind n not letting go

can't fall asleep without each other anymore

he used to have a twin sized mattress but he decided to buy a full after u moved intogether

speaking of which, he definitely moved into your apartment

you have a two bedroom n that allows him to have a red room for his photography and a bedroom

he probably only had a redroom and slept on the couch at his apartment tbh

typical man

very clean n likes to take showers with you

his fav thing is his hair being washed by you

the scraping on his scalp is incredibily grounding

he loves washing you as well, and not in a sexual way.

theres something so domestic about cleaning each other that he loves.

ultimately i think his interactions with cheating rich men has spoiled a bit of his view of marriage, but with you he really can see himself settling down and being a forever thing. beyond everything, he trusts you

he craves domesticity so he will enjoy providing for you and helping with the house

loves to cook, his mom probably taught him

doesn't really have a jealousy problem, though he can get jealous from time to time

very rare, but if he does, there might actually be a substantiated reason

doesn't want kids atm, as he can barely support himself and you.

waiting up for you to get home no matter how tired he is

wants to make sure you're home safe

rlly co dependent directly following the trap. can't be in the bathroom by myself, it reminds him too much of the trap. he needs you to be in the room with you while you speak to him through the curtain, or even better, being in the shower with you.

needs constant reassurance he isnt a burden on you

he feels like you don't deserve to be with a man who has so many problems

you tell him constantly that you will be there no matter what

holding hands just to remind him of your presence.

calms him down alot more than you expect

if you happen to be late getting home from work, he may partially freak out: thinking you left him finally

you'll find him sobbing on the couch curled in on himself

he's so vulnerable after lawrence left him there

he doesn't know that lawrence didn't break his promise intentionally so he holds alot of resentment for him

kissing his cheeks and telling him you'll never leave

onto more happy things:

MOVIE NIGHTS!!! you religiously watch movies together and spend most of the time talking about the stupidity of the characters or something.

never meeting his parents bc he's not on good terms with them

LOVES THAT YOURE ABOUT HIS HEIGHT, he's not a tall man and has never been insecure about his height, but the fact he's eye level with you makes it extremely intimate in his opinion

or if you're taller than him, his man brain goes ooga booga and thinks "tall woman/man" and all bets are off

NSFW

okay, to go ahead and put this glaringly obvious thing out there: HE HAS A THING FOR BEING A SUB!!!

He needs you to take control and tell him what to do

grab him by his hair and shove him in between your legs? yes ma'am

ask him to kneel and eat you out on a hardwood floor? done

he absolutely would do anything for you

he needs reassurance what he's doing is good: and rest assured, it is

he probably is a bit messy, and not very controlled

sloppy licks and desperate sucks are common

same thing for when he's inside you

ragged thrusts and a desperate pace

hes probably desperate bc you havent let him cum the whole session

his cock is probably a bit under average length wise, but good god is his girth something to marvel at

everytime he takes you he stretches you

very skinny man, and once you get your claws into him, he probably gains weight which gives him a cute bit of chub that you love to grab onto while he's thrusting into your hole haphazardly.

its almost like a leash

he absolutely needs direction the first couple times, hes so nervous he's shaking

you ask if he wants to keep going and he nods quickly n says theres nothing he's ever wanted more, but assuming this is following the trap, he absolutely needs someone to tell him what to do

could definitely get off from watching you cum (it's def happened before, his poor red cock hadn't been touched all night beyond the grinding on the bed he's hidden from you while eating you out and seeing your intense pleasure just,, he couldn't hold on anymore)

probably circumcised with a tasteful amount of hair, enough to be cute but not enough to be annoying

his nipples are probably so sensitive and he doesnt even know it, he's never thought to play with them

the first time you brush them he gasps and leaks precum

from then on they become a regular part of your routine when playing with him

PLEASE CALL HIM A GOOD BOY!!!

the first time you do, his head is thrown back in ecstasy from your mouth on his cock, and when you pull up, you tell him to look at you while still stroking his cock, and you say "youre my good boy. cum for me my baby boy."

he immediately cums and is embarrassed for weeks, even with your reassurance that it was the hottest thing you've ever seen

speaking of head, he loves getting it but he absolutely enjoys giving it more

theres something so sexy about being able to lick you to completion

when he gets head, he's so lost in his own pleasure that he forgets to breathe and when he remembers, he takes deep breaths

is so in love with your body

he thinks your the hottest person he's ever seen

would probably want to call you mistress or momma. i dont make the rules

RIDE HIM RN

he loves when you're on top, it makes him feel so helpless

alright so: he definitely wants you to peg him

grip his hands and place them above his head, and shove his head into the mattress

anything

his fav position is with his ass up in the air with his head shoved in a pillow and his cock hanging pitifully untouched. shove your strap into his ass while he begs you to make him cum

grab his face and kiss him while he wails out from the pleasure

shove your tongue down his throat,,, something!!

IN THE ODD OCCASION HE IS FEELING DOMINANT!!

rare

but it happens

he isn't some hard dom who leaves you bruised up

he will take care of you just like he does when he's subbing, but he won't let you order him around

grabs your neck and just holds. not enough to prevent you breathing, but enough for you to know its there

still sloppy either way

with him, aftercare is a must

thing is: you can't leave him alone after he's finished subbing, as it sparks some trigger that brings him back to the bathroom, where, in his mind, lawrence left him to die

you have to take him with you

you found out after he cries out and practically tackles you begging you to not leave and to stay with him and to not abandon him

its alot of rambling, but once you get him to calm down, he is pretty embarrassed, but you understand

you tell him to get up and hold his hand, or hug, while walking to the bathroom

wiping a rag on his oversensitive cock to clean it and seeing his face scrunch up is ur fav thing

you might make him eat his cum out of you to clean you up, but it just depends on how he feels. and it might start up a whole nother round so its a gamble

he probably doesn't fall asleep immediately afterward, and will stay there stroking your hair while you sleep to remind himself you're there, you aren't leaving and you love him

LOTS OF LOVE YOU'S DURING AND AFTER!!

something about you telling him you love him does something: it might be from him feeling useless and like a burden

when he finally sleeps, he's the little spoon and he whispers a quick,"thank you"before nodding off

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS!!! I LOVE ADAM AND SAW AND AND pLS REQUEST SOMETHING!!

[bigmacari]

Cassandra Jones Starting Relationship Headcanons

❤ Romantic ❤

🖤 GN reader 🖤

⚠️ Warnings ⚠️

Mention of blood, kind of bad writing.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

🖤 Cassandra is... a very intense woman

Mixed with that and not really having friends, she can be a bit awkward (?) tense (?)

First time Cass asked you to hang out, she kind of just

"HANG OUT WITH ME, NO TAKE BACKS"

Finger in your face and everything.

When you said "okay...!" She turned her heel and walked away laughing manicly. Kind of scared you a bit, but she was just excited (and nervous but she would never admit that)

Not that she had to, you could see the nervous sweat on her forehead.

Yall would most likely be friends when she's out of the foot clan, mostly because she would be to busy trying to prove her worth to the foot clan dudes.

Something about "upping her rank" or something.

Since she's been training for a clan since she was like seven, she's been way to busy to go out and do things like a regular person.

Fighting and trying to rule the world is the only thing she's really ever known.

So for the first time spending time together, Cassandra would try to drag you along to an adrenaline inducing activity, like sparring or "destroying anyone that comes in our path"

You instead get some tickets to a carnival, and take her around to ride some rides.

If you have a bad stomach, well to bad. She will drag you onto the fastest and highest rides. Definitely would scream the loudest, (out of joy) Somehow has an iron stomach.

Would also try to unbuckle herself from the MOVING ride. Claims its "way more intense". You had to hold her down WHILE on the ride so she didn't fall and get hurt. Almost got the both of you banned.

And gave you a heartattack.

Afterwards, take her to play some carnival games, maybe even win a stuffed animal for her, she'll look at you with little stars in her eyes. (And later put the stuffed animal on her bed)

Then she would get competitive.

I honest to God think she would be so good at scam carnival games. Comes with her ninja skills.

Treated the carni as her "mortal enemy." Also won like everything and shoved it in your arms with a "I WIN."

Also called herself a God lmao??

Anyways...

She's definitely not gonna realize when she has feelings for you at first.

All she knows is that she likes spending time with you and her face gets a little warm when you smile at her

(Wait, what?)

And her stomach gets queasy and she can't stop sweating when shes around you-

(Okay this is a problem)

She thinks you gave her the flu or something.

I mean she's not like stupid or anything, she's just never felt anything like how she feels for you before.

I feel like she gets it when April and her have one of their weekly movie nights. They "conveniently" watch a cheesey romantic movie. (April totally put it on to help the poor girl)

After that Cassandra is just super tense around you. Like bad.

Like

"Hey Cass? You wanna hang o-"

"NO, TRAINING, BYE"

"Okay...?"

Lmao

It's not until you track her down after a pretty bad mission you get to talk to her.

I imagine she gets hurt a shit ton on missions. I mean she's always getting thrown into walls and falling off of tall stuff.

You can't tell me she hasn't gotten a concussion or two.

You stepped in as a medic of sorts for her (and the others tbh) since she dropped out of the Foot Clan. Healthcare is expensive 👍🏻

You walk up to Cassandra, med kit in hand and slowly sit next to her. She tenses when she sees you and looks away.

She always insisted that she "could handle her injures herself" but after being friends for a while she just accepts it to "make you feel better."

(Cassandra definitely likes being taken care of, just doesn't want to admit it)

She's bleeding on her shoulder, that's quite obvious, but it doesn't seem like stitches are needed.

You pop open the med kit and grab the tools needed to help and ever so gently take her hand to get better access to her wound better.

Cassandra tenses up more.

Thats when she finally looks at you.

And. She. Is. RED.

You honestly can't tell if she's in love with you or about to be sick.

Its not until you let go as you finish bandaging the wound she speaks up.

Well

Mumbles

"...what did you say?"

"I SAID DATE ME YOU MORON"

I mean, how could you say no?

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

First post, yayyy 🙆🏻‍♀️

Feel free to give me any constructive criticism as this is my first time doing anything like this. Also don't feel afraid to share your headcanons, I love reading stuff like that and Cassandra is so underrated.

[writing-whump]

Super sick

Dylan's high fever part 2. Dylan can't keep anything down, forcing Rip to some drastic measures. Emeto warning.

"-I have given him paralen and brufen and everything...no he won't keep it down, it has no effect-...then what am I supposed to do?"

Rip rubbed at his face. It was close to midnight and his eyes hurt. Which was ridiculous cause he didn't get tired. He blamed it more on the stress, the anxious squeezy feeling around his chest that got its hold on him since Dylan became all incoherent.

A quiet moan from Dylan's room got him quickly hanging up and hurrying back.

Dylan kicked the covers off himself, sweating through another shirt and was currently shivering. His eyes were open to slits and his hand was reaching out blindly. For him.

Rip sat up on the edge of the bed and took it. "Hey, hey, man, it's okay. I'm here."

"...where did you go?"

"I was calling your sister for the umpteenth time. No updates."

Dylan scrunched his face like the information was very complicated to understand. "Are they home yet?"

Rip sighed. He had been explaining it for the third time this night at the least. "The trains aren’t working, so they are stuck in Salzburg until the morning. It's just the two of us, buddy."

Dylan didn't seem alarmed, closing his eyes again. His grip on Rip tightened for a second which had his heart clenching again. It was way too weak of a grip to even call it that.

"How did I get into a bed?"

"You threw up all over the blankets, remember?"

Dylan shook his head, a tiny distressed noise making its way out through his clenched teeth.

"Shhhhh. It's alright. It's more comfy here, isn't it?" Rip held his feverish warm hand in both of his.

Keep him comfortable was the main advice he got. Cool Dylan down, keep him comfortable. Try to get him to drink the fever reducers and hope they stay down.

But Dylan wasn't keeping anything down and he seemed to deteriorate in front of Rip's fucking eyes. What kind of crazy flu was this? The fever hit so quickly and was so intense, not wanting to back down.

The hives were still present, but Dylan was too out of it to scratch at them. Or maybe they didn't itch, what did Rip know?

He reached for the cold wet towel on Dylan's forehead, adjusting it. There were small ones around his ankles and wrists and because he kept squirming, Rip had to adjust them a lot.

It was also challenging for organisation to replace them, since Dylan got all worked up whenever he couldn't feel Rip by his side. Contact in any way calmed him down.

Dylan's muffled moan interrupted his thoughts. He curled up on his side, around his stomach, one arm wrapped around his middle and tightening.

Rip shuffled closer to lean against the headboard and Dylan immediately rolled to him to press his face against Rip's tigh. There was a loud audible swallow.

Rip brushed Dylan's hair back, adjusting the towel to the side of his face. "Nausous?"

"Hurts," Dylan said, face turned into the fabric of Rip's sweatpants. He grabbed at the leg next, riding out a wave of cramps with a groan before relaxing slightly.

"We could try the pain meds again-"

Dylan shook his head immediately. "Won't stay down. Can I just sleep?"

"You can sleep, it's alright." Not that it was working, Dylan was too restless and kept tossing, woken up by his stomach.

Another 20 minutes later and Dylan still wasn't asleep. This was proper torture, Rip realized. Not letting him sleep and burning up like this.

"Come on, let's try the meds again," Rip said when he couldn't stand it anymore, sliding his hands under Dylan's back to prop him up against his chest.

He grabbed the glass with water and the pill on the nightstand. "Just one little sip, D."

Dylan didn't bother opening his eyes, eyebwords furrowed as he leaned so much as possible away from Rip's hand. "Don't wanna..."

"You have to. Please, D."

Dylan grimaced, like that wasn't a word he could stand to reject, cracking one eye open. He nodded and Rip quickly pressed the pill between his lips, following up with the glass.

Dylan took a small sip, tensing up, his fist curling into Rip's shirt.

"Try to keep it down for me," Rip pleaded, putting the glass away.

Dylan gave him a tight nod, but his face was clouded over with queasiness.

Rip held him upright, arms around his torso, careful not to put too much pressure. Because of the closeness, Rip could practically feel every reaction and move Dylan's body made.

The sick boy's breathing picked up, chest rising and falling rapidly. He pressed the side of his face into Rip's chest, lips in a tight line. His fist was still scrunching up Rip's shirt like he wanted to tear it to pieces.

And then the fight was lost. The gags came, tiny at first, just shakes of his body that grew in intensity. His chest was heaving soon after, with strength and urgency Dylan currently didn't possess consciously.

Total autopilot.

Rip reached for the trashcan on the floor, holding it under Dylan's chin just in time for the sip of water and the pill to fall out. The heaves were way too strong for that small amount and Dylan kept gagging for 2 minutes straight in empty.

Shaking from extertion, he fell back against Rip who thought his heart would soon burst out of his chest with anxiety.

As the night ticked by, Rip figured out another distracting technique. Stroking little circles on top of Dylan's forehead with his forefinger.

It gave Dylan something to focus on, it seemed, cause the little groans sounded more pleased than distressed, his face turning towards Rip as if to follow the movement.

Rip drew the little patterns around Dylan's eyebrows, his cheekbones, then followed into his hair, leaving trails inside the sweat.

He couldn't remember the last time he felt this helpless.

...

Around 5 a.m. Rip couldn't bear it anymore. He kept imagining the road to the pharmacy, visualising it in head in detail. Staring at in in Google maps meant he knew exactly where it was and he came up with several ways on top of the buildings to get there.

Minimising any contact. It would be early in the morning, there wouldn't be a crowd and he could climb up the balconies and take the roofs just fine.

There was just the direct contact with the pharmacist to worry about.

But Isaiah said his shadow was in synch with him. And this was something Rip cared about so how could his soul, his heart and his essence stand in his way?

That boy was his whole fucking world now.

He waited till Dylan fell into a less than peaceful slumber, easing him down on the pillows and sneaking out from his hold. Took money and a bag on his back and opted for the window for the better ledge.

The whole mission couldn't take more than 30 minutes. It was shameful to death he had to gather his courage for the whole night to do it.

Climbing wasn't a problem. Vienna houses were so intensely decorated, there was always something to hold on to and once he reached the top, he could run almost the rest of the way.

It wasn't dark anymore, more of a morning grayness with first pink on the horizon.

Rip reached the pharmacy from the rooftop and scanned the street for people. It was sleepy and empty only one runner jogging nearby.

Rip waited for him to pass before climbing down. Normally, he would jump with the help of his shadow to soften his landing, but he didn't dare reaching for it.

All he could focus on was keeping it shut, tight, away. Suppressed as much as he could.

He stopped in front of the door. Held the handle emerassingly long time. What if this was the end? What if he hurt or killed that woman inside and ruined everything for this pack, for the Executioner?

What if Isaiah was wrong to believe in him? What if Rip was simply not someone who could be saved?

What if he was but this was pushing it? Was it too soon to try to talk to a human?

Worse even, what if Dylan had been wrong about Rip all along?

And maybe all of it wouldn't matter if Rip couldn't make himself get him some fucking medicine before his brain fried.

One more breath. Rip looked down and went inside.

...

Rip couldn't remember the way back. Or the talk itself. It was as if all sound was muffled, as if the world turned black-and-white. Colourless.

But he got back, climbed into the window in the living room. He had a bag filled with anti-nausea meds and fever reducers and aloe vera cream for the hives.

He managed to have a freaking conversation with the elderly lady behind the counter. Who had nothing but sympathetic smiles for him, like he was taking care of his brother for the first time.

Rip shut the window behind him. Sound was coming back to him and it was ringing in his ears. His shadow was a string held back too tightly, cutting blood into the palm around it.

He should hurry.

Shooting for the living room, he pushed the flat thin pill into his mouth. "Don't swallow. Let it dissolve. There you go. Hold it for half an hour and we can try the fever meds again."

Dylan's eyes were shut but he complied. Rip got him new towels for his forehead, neck and ankles.

He got it. Dylan would get better now. They were safe.

The ringing turned to shrieking in his ears. Rip dashed to the bathroom, closing the door. His shadow spilled out, covering the floor and the walls.

Rip pressed his palms against his cheeks. "What?! Happy now? What was so damn hard about it?"

He couldn't say. It was like he was outside of his body when he talked with the lady. The sound of his voice, the sound of her voice, it was lost on him. His vision was blurry. But somehow they communicated long enough to get what was needed.

His stomach turned fiercely and Rip fell down to his knees, heaving over the toilet.

His skin was itching. His thoughts were buzzing wasps in his head and there were snakes inside him, slithering out.

He gagged and heaved, not fighting the onslaught of what he couldn't even name. A wave of snakes got its way out, stinging his throat on the way.

...

Rip woke up to a warm hand on his forehead.

"Don't tell me you caught it so quickly?" Dylan croaked, voice shot from vomiting.

Rip opened an eye. He was lying on the rag in the bathroom, fingers clawed into it. His insides were shaking and he still felt nausous and pained and burned, but also weirdly empty.

"You-" he gagged, but swallowed it down. "You shouldn't be up yet."

"Finally not nausous. I took some paralen an hour ago," Dylan said with a relieved sigh. His cheeks were hallow and still pale, but he looked a lot more like himself already. "What's wrong with you?"

Rip squeezed his eyes shut. "...went to the pharmacy to get you the anti-nausea meds."

He didn't see Dylan's face, but the shocked gasp was enough. Then came the hand, too warm, palming his cheek. "I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have-"

Rip grabbed onto Dylan's hand on his face. "Don't- don't fucking say that. I am the one who's sorry. The whole night you had to- cause I-" Another gag, more forceful this time.

Rip forced himself up on one arm to burp over the porcelain rim, shaking all over.

Dylan rubbed the center of his back, tilting to the side woozily. "Shhhhh. It's okay." He propped his chin on Rip's shoulder, eyes closed. "We are okay now."

[raccoonfallsharder]

hello, friends! i wanted to give you a quick update. i am certainly on the mend right now. i feel better than i have in probably a week or more, and though i am still not clear of pneumonia and all its complications in my life lol, i am hoping to be almost completely back to normal by the end of this week, if all goes well.

i also wanted to thank you all for your kindness and also your threats and affectionate insults. thank you, so much, for caring. the world can be a hard place to live, and we are encouraged in so many ways to live these small atomized lives. but no matter how tenuous or fleeting our internet-interactions are, they are still real, and i appreciate you reaching out to tell me to rest, and to send me your well-wishes. it truly does mean so much, not only as a moment of connection, but also as a reminder of how well people can care for each other, even those they barely know or never met. you all inspire and uplift me, and i am grateful for it.

for those of you more curious about the details (and the absolutely absurdity of my friday night this week), you can read on. i tend to fall into irreverent medical narrative monologuing (as i do with everything else lol) but i will try to keep it brief.

content warnings for doctors, medical stuff, pain and illness, emergencies, and hospitals.

here's the basic timeline of my week lol:

on tuesday, i got really sick. i tend to not have a lot of normal symptoms for things (i have only had a fever once in my life, and it was NOT the time i had appendicitis, a ruptured intestine, or kidney stones), and figuring out when i don't feel well takes a lot of conscious effort on my part. plus i gaslight myself hard. these are all things i'm working on and have gotten a lot better at - which is probably the only reason why i went to urgent care instead of convincing myself this was "just a flu" and trying to take care of myself at home. i had been having side pain as well, which i had attributed to a pulled muscle, but something in me was afraid i had maybe done something else and caused an injury that got infected or something. i don't know, it just felt connected.

urgent care diagnosed me with probable pneumonia (they couldn't find it with the stethoscope, but they were confident it was there) and started treating that. they believed the strained muscle was not related but told me to come back on friday with an x-ray if my other symptoms didn't improve.

on friday morning, we went to get an x-ray done at 7am and hit up urgentcare on the way back. the x-ray said i was clear on pneumonia, but my cough was worse and my nausea had returned (no fever anymore though, thank goodness). my muscle pain in my back was also so much worse, presumably because of all my coughing, so they gave me some meds for my lungs and for my muscle pain.

now we get to friday evening, probably 5pm. i have a coughing fit with an unsupported back - and i scream. i think i blacked out for a second. my partner came in running. i couldn't move. i've never been in so much pain in my life, and i have a stupid-high pain tolerance. (this is another part of my issue with figuring out when i don't feel well). at this point, the pain had suddenly migrated. it felt like it was grinding down through my flank and into my groin. the location felt very similar to a kidney stone but it was unlike anything i had ever experienced before. i was sweating, trying to walk to the car and then up through the hospital doors. the guard at the front was like "get this woman a wheelchair" lollol.

it was a pretty crowded night so when we were admitted, we were stuck in the hall, which was fine by me. the doctors and nurses were all lovely (my partner believes we were the favorites on the floor because we are very easy-going and also funny lol. i think he has a slightly-inflated view of us but whatever, one of us is wrong and i'm happy if it's me). anyway, the med staff all seemed to think - like me - that perhaps all my symptoms had actually been a kidney stone, and that it was the cough that was unrelated, rather than the muscle pain. so eventually i go back a CT. The scan comes back an hour or so later and, surprise, it is still pneumonia (of course it was able to pick up what an x-ray couldn't). What it also noticed is that the pneumonia had inflamed my entire diaphragm. i do not remember learning much about the diaphragm in school but i knew from logic that it had something to do with respiration because of my choir- and stage-inclined friends. but it does a lot of other things as well (like puppeteering the bladder) and impacts a lot of systems and also, apparently, causes a lot of fucking pain when inflamed.

so. they had already given me some pretty hefty anti-inflammatories. they tell me they'd actually like to replace the seven other drugs the urgent care doctors have me on with one different one. it should totally knock out the pneumonia, especially since i will be starting with a full course of the medication after already tackling the pneumonia with the other antibiotics since tuesday. this sounds great to me, and i say sure. they give me the new drug and discharge me, more quickly than i have ever seen a discharge take place, and i was on my way - already feeling better than i had in days thanks to the antiinflammatory they'd given me before.

here's where the night gets spicy

we get in the car, i'm feeling better than i have in days, it's all good. we hit the freeway and i'm like. huh. my face feels funny.

my partner's like.... what.

i'm like, i don't know? my face feels funny? not itchy or anything, but like.... weird?

he says, should we go back?

i'm like... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i genuinely cannot identify this sensation.

then something switches, and i'm like... oh yeah, okay. my mouth and face all feel like... not itchy, but fuzzy. staticky. and while i have not had this kind of reaction before (like everything else, my allergies show up weirdly), i have heard about it. so i say, yeah.... i think we should go back. my throat's a little tight, but there's no swelling on my face, no hives - because again, i am weirdly symptomatic. and because i'm aces at gaslighting myself, i say, maybe i'm overreacting?

which is when i realize that at some point, my partner has called 911. i answer some questions but it's definitely hard to keep my eyes open. and then the car is pulled over, and there are EMTs. and my partner tells them i've been passing out at thirty second intervals. i tell them i'm just being a drama queen and i'm probably overreacting. they apparently think that's some bullshit and i get my very first ambulance ride. i'm phasing in and out - pretty badly hypotensive with really low blood pressure, but still - no visible swelling. my throat is tight enough that my voice sounds like that of a ninety-year-old who's been smoking four packs a day her entire life, but there's nothing they can SEE, other than that i'm "cold and clammy" (rude, lol). still, they stick me with epinephrine and give me some O2 and take me right back to where i come from.

one of the nurses from earlier sees me being wheeled in (to a room, this time - no hallways for repeat customers, i guess) and she is like, "NO! miss dae! why are you back?!!" and i say, "because i missed you. and i wanted the room upgrade."

and then i start giggling hysterically.

and the registering nurse asks me if i consent to have my insurance billed and i say, "FUCK YEAH. fuck those guys" and giggle some more. i don't know if that was the epinephrine or just pure delirium at that point.

then i start crying because i feel so bad about coming back, again. all my self-gaslighting really coming out to the forefront. and they're like, NO, you did absolutely what you should have done, don't be silly.

they get me all settled and are shooting me up with a ton of antihistamines, and finally let me partner back, and my voice still sounds like rocks going through a meat grinder but you know what? you know what antihistimines do? THEY DECREASE INFLAMMATION. so my diaphragm is feeling better than it has in like, a week.

my doctor from earlier comes in, and he clearly felt so bad about everything. he tells me to return to my previous course of drugs, and puts this one in my file as another allergen. after about an hour of fluids and watching me, they release us. we get home at 3:30am and crawl into bed, safe as houses.

now, i can't really say "the end." the pneumonia's not gone yet, and i still have some ongoing pain from my diaphragm. additionally, a coughing fit that happened later that night does seem to have damaged an old surgery site (probably because of the diaphragm muscle, actually), so i need to get that checked out this week too. BUT. i am feeling so much better than i have all week. i am privileged to have decent insurance and while we do have to live pretty frugally, we make ends meet. we're lucky that we will be able to take care of these bills when they come.

and honestly? that shit is FUNNY. (i mean, for me. definitely not for my poor partner who probably lost twenty-seven years off his life; pray for him). i can't wait to really perfect the way i tell this story because it's HILARIOUS. like. what the fuck

anyway if you actually read all this, first of all, wow. second of all. i appreciate you. thank you for worrying about me, for wondering about me, and for caring in general. i'm so grateful, and i hope that you have everything you need, today and every day moving forward.

[honoviadakai]

How team Urameshi takes care of a sick person! 🤒

(I’ve been pulling my brains out all day and running a high fever. Instead of you know…seeking medical help outside of a corner store pharmacy…imma let my creative juices flow!)

Cw: mentions of vomiting, flu symptoms, lack of common sense(it’ll make sense when you reach it)

Yusuke:

First off

Why was this the first guy you went to for medical care???

Like he’s not the worst but…

There are better options!

Also, depending on who you are, he might make it worse by accident

Ok so if your a friend, like one of the guys or just someone he’s chill with, just go find an actual doctor

He’s gonna do the bare minimum

But not entirely because he’s lazy

It’s mostly cuz…how the fuck is he supposed to help Jin’s fever when there’s a mini hurricane happening in the room???

Like he can barely take care of a human

How’s he supposed to take care of his demon friends when they’re all different species!?

The best thing he’s gonna do is refer them to Genkai or Kurama

That being said, he does makes an amazing chicken noodle soup!

Everyone gets one big bowl of the stuff when he finds out someone’s sick

Seriously that shit should be labeled as a miracle cure or something

Now if you’re family/a s/o there is a drastic difference

He’s gonna be attentive

But he’s still not gonna know what to do beyond getting antibiotics and soup

So he’s gonna get Kurama, Genkai AND a doctor at the same time

He has faith his friends won’t die from a cold

His family and lover though???

Yeeeeah

He’s gonna internally panic and do what he can to help you recover

It’s a funny dichotomy tbh xD

Kuwabara:

It does not matter who you are to him

You could be a friend, a lover, a family member, a classmate, a coworker, a complete fucking stranger even! Mans ain’t leaving you hanging. Period.

He’s getting all the medicine he can from the pharmacy

He’s making you nice warm soup

If you need to go to the doctor, he’s making the appointment, taking you to the appointment and even attending the appointment with you!

The ONLY difference in who gets what from him is his lover & occasionally his sister get sleepy sick cuddles

His lover is also getting forehead kisses if they ask for it

Yeah, there’s a possibility that he’s gonna get sick later

But he doesn’t care!

You need his help! Repercussions be damned! 😤

Kurama:

This has the funniest dichotomy between friends and lovers 😂

If you’re a friend, he gonna do one of two things

If its just a mild cold, he’ll prescribe some herbal tea he made

You’ll be 100% by tomorrow 👍

If it’s bad like a high fever, he’ll come to your house and be the best doctor you’ve ever had

Like he’s literally a home doctor without the paycheck

Pure professionalism

He comes in, assesses the issues and quickly does everything he can to cure the illness as fast as possible

You’ll be 100% by tomorrow 👍

Now let’s say your family or a lover

He’s at your beck and call 📞 🔔

You want tea? It’s already steeping

You want back rubs? He’s got a rose scented lotion to help ease your aching muscles

You want sleepy cuddles while the meds kick in? Scoot over, he’s cuddling you for the rest of the evening!

He’s low key spoiling you

To be fair…you feel icky, you deserve it!

So just let it happen

You’ll be 100% by tomorrow 👍

…but juuuuust in case…stay in bed till you’re 1000% better 😌

Hiei:

…

Was no one else available???

Is the doctor’s office closed or something???

What chain of events led you to go to Hiei of all people for medical help???????

Like even if you’re his lover…why did you come to him for help on curing the flu????

He doesn’t know what that is!!

Like…if I had to summarize what he’s like when you’re sick….

It’s this

This is the closest to “helpful” he’s gonna be

Especially if you’re his friend/ally

He’s just…not gonna do much…

He’ll maybe go grab Kurama…maybe…

He might just honestly tell him in passing you’re sick and that’s it…

If you’re family or a lover, he’s at least more nice to you

Like he’s actually gonna check up on you

He doesn’t know the first thing about tending to the ill so he’s definitely gonna grab Kurama and basically demand he heals you

He’s not gonna let you out of his sight till he knows you’re 1000% better

He might not be in the same room as you the whole time though

Honestly he might be watching you from a tree a good 5 miles from your house…but he’s still making sure you’re ok

He honestly feels useless so him essentially protecting you is his way of feeling like he’s actually being helpful

Not sure what he’s protecting you from exactly when the virus is already in your body but just let him have it, it’s how he shows he cares

[secretswiftymarvelfan]

For your birthday celebration: can you do a biker!au of any one with the prompt “Babe, you look like you’re about to pass out”

Oooh yes I’d love any opportunity to expand my Biker!Ari universe! Its gonna need its own masterlist before long!

The Flu - Biker!Ari Levinson x Reader

You can check out my other Biker!Ari headcanons here and here!

Warnings: Flu! Biker Ari! (Because he needs his own warning!

Masterlist

The Flu

Ari decided to get the the bar a little earlier than usual today, hoping to spend a bit more time with you before your shift started

But as time ticked on and drew closer to your usual starting time, you had yet to appear

You arrived a whole 5 minutes late which was Ari’s first indication that something was wrong

He watched you shuffle behind the bar, shivering slightly despite the fact it was pretty warm out, tugging the sleeves of your shirt down.

“Hey Ari” you greeted “the usual?” You ask already grabbing the bottle of scotch, your voice all stuffy and tired.

“Uh yeah… is everything okay? You don’t sound great” he says his brows pinching together in concern.

“Yeah” you say waving it off “just a small cold, i’ll be fine once I get going and the meds kick in”

“You shouldn’t really be working if you’re ill, you’ll only get worse” Ari says shaking his head

“Yeah well nobody is available to cover so its this is or close the bar” you shrug as you move to wipe down the sides.

“I could cover” Ari offers but you shake your head.

“You’re not even an official employee, I can’t keep letting you work for free” you tell him.

“Well lets sign some paper work then” Ari shrugs.

“No Ari I’m fine I promise” you state making Ari huff but he decided to trust you.

Despite that he made sure to keep an eye on you.

Every time you caught him you would tell him you were fine but you definitely weren’t fine, Ari could see you slowly getting worse

It was when you stepped out from behind the bar and stumbled over your own feet that Ari stepped in. His large hands easily catching you and keeping you up right.

“Babe, you look like you’re about to pass out” he said, concern lacing his voice as he took in your pale, sweaty complexion and droopy eyes.

“I’m- i’m fine, just a funny five” you reason but you were still swaying.

Ari frowned holding the back of his hand to your forehead and hissing when he felt how hot it was “fuck babe, you’re burning up, you must have the flu”

“No its-its just a- just a head- head cold” you slurred blinking slowly as you tried to look up at him.

“You’re getting some rest now” Ari states scooping you up into his arm “and I’m gonna take car of you”

“Bu- but the bar” you managed to say already half passed out in his arms

“I’ll call in a couple favours, don’t worry they have experience” he promises

“M’kay” you murmur practically half asleep in his arms.

For the rest of your shift Ari split his time between caring for you in the back office and keeping an eye on the bar.

He made sure you took some medicine and brought you cold rags to place on your forehead to help cool you down.

When it came to the end of your shift he took you back home to your place and slept on your couch just in case you needed him in the night

SEND ME SOME BIRTHDAY PROMPTS!

Sleepy Prompts

Masterlist

Sharing is caring so please reblog if you enjoyed this and maybe even leave a comment to make my day!

I don’t have a tag list but follow @secretswiftymarvelfanlibrary​ and turn on post notifications to stay up to date!

[m-jelly]

hii its like the 3rd time reading ur mafia au and its absolutely my fave😭 id like to request a sick oneshot (ik u already wrote one), but more angsty. Smth like reader suddenly passes out from any sickness or smth like that and levi catches her, is worried asf

ANYWAYS ILYSM, TAKE CARE AND TAKE YOUR TIMEE💋💋

@kenkopanda-art <3

Sick bunny

Paring: Gangster/mafia Levi x Fem!Reader

Genre and tags: Gangster/mafia AU, fluff, romance, being a couple, worried Levi, sick reader, Levi nursing you to health.

Concept: While with Levi at the base of operations, you're feeling a little unwell. You don't say a thing because you assume it's a simple cold and you'll be just fine until you collapse into your lover's arms. Levi goes into full panic mode but is reassured by the scout doctor that you just have the flu and some rest is all you need.

Taglist: @levisbrat25 @ladycheesington @skittlelover69 @youre-ackermine @nyxiieluna @notgoodforlife @galactict3a @2moth-anon2 @nbinairyn @thebobaprincess @li-anne @demonsimp6

You gulped hard as your head felt like it was spinning. You shook your head and sighed as you tried to focus your mind. You came to a stop as Levi walked ahead. Your hand slipped from his hold making him turn and gaze at you. You looked at him as he called your name, but it sounded muffled to you.

Levi grabbed your wrist when your eyes rolled back into your head. He yanked you against him as you collapsed against him. He called your name as his head raced with thoughts. Levi thought that maybe someone had poisoned you.

He scooped you up into his arms and started running to the base. He kicked the door wide open and started shouting commands. He ran with you to the medical room and lay you on the bed. He shoved the door open to Hange's office as he panted.

Hange looked up at Levi to see his usually tamed hair was a mess, he was pale, he was sweating and he had a wild look in his eyes. "Levi?"

Levi pointed out the door and stammered your name. "Sh-she collapsed." He welled up. "My sweet bunny."

Hange was in shock at seeing Levi a mess. Hange had always known him to be a strong man who held back emotions and beat people for information. This was the first time she'd ever seen her friend on the verge of crying his eyes out.

She rose to her feet and hurried out. "I'll check her over. Don't worry, I'm sure she's fine." She ran over to you and checked your vitals as Levi paced back and forth. She released a long sigh and gazed at Levi. "It's just the flu."

Levi grabbed Hange. "Are you sure!?"

"I'm very sure."

He released Hange and started petting your head. "Poor bunny." He looked over at his friend. "Why did she collapse?"

"She has low blood pressure, which is a good thing but it means she had a bit of a dizzy spell and dropped." Hange injected you with meds. "She'll be okay."

Levi leaned down and kissed your cheek a few times. "Poor bunny."

"You can take her home if you want. She's okay to go."

Levi scooped you up into his arms and carried you to the doorway. "Thank you."

Hange smiled softly. "No problem. She needs good soup, warm drinks, nice blankets, lots of cuddles and kisses."

Levi nodded. "I'll do that."

"See you soon! I'll let Erwin know you're out of commission for a few days."

"Thanks!"

Levi carried you outside and back to his car. He placed you in your seat and drove fast all the way home. As soon as he arrived he went into full protective mode. He picked you up and ran with you inside and tucked you into bed. He wanted to cook for you and get you a drink, but he wanted to be there when you woke up.

Levi lay on his side and held your hand as he whined a little. Levi felt like a dog waiting for his owner. He wiggled closer to you and kissed your neck and felt just how hot your skin was against his lips. He slid his hand over your stomach and pulled you close. He held you and sighed.

You opened your eyes and felt a little weak. "Mm." You turned your head and looked over at Levi. "Levi?"

Levi woke up and gasped when he saw you sleepily looking at him. He called your name and welled up. "You're awake."

You hummed a laugh. "I am."

Levi held you close and showered your face in kisses. "I'm so glad!"

You giggled. "Were you that worried about me?"

"I was!" He cupped your face. "You collapsed, my little bunny."

You leaned closer and kissed him. "I'm sorry if it scared you."

"Hange says you have the flu."

You sighed. "I have been feeling a little under the weather. I'm sure you'll nurse me to health."

Levi held you close and kissed you. "Of course. You will be spoiled."

"I'm already spoiled."

He kissed you and sighed. "I'll be right back."

You giggled as Levi ran off. You lay there for a while and hummed a moment as you tuned into your feelings. You felt a weight in your body and how sick you really were. You coughed a little and groaned as you started to really feel bad.

Levi ran back to you. "I have soup! Lots to drink! Oh, and meds!"

You sat up and groaned. "Thank you."

"Careful, my little bunny! You're fragile." He put the tray down and hurried over to you. He helped you sit up. "Poor little bunny." He covered your face in kisses. "Let me help you eat and drink."

You hummed a laugh and ate what Levi fed you. "Thank you. You don't need to do all this for me."

"I do." He kissed you and smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Levi cleaned your face. "After what happened today I know now that I need to take extra special care of you, my sweet little bunny."

You pouted as Levi held you and kissed the top of your head. "You're not going to go overboard and not let me leave the house, are you?"

Levi flinched a little. "....no..."

"You were thinking about it, weren't you?"

He sighed. "Maybe a little bit."

You looked up at Levi. "Darling bear, things happen. I will get sick and if we start a family, I'll get pains and sickness."

Levi shifted you and wrapped himself around you. "I'll be good. Now, be a good little bunny and let your bear take care of you."

You leaned against Levi and hummed. "Of course. I love you, Levi."

"Love you more than anything in this world."

[weaverpop]

So because I'm sick right now.

How often does everyone get sick and who's the best caregiver (I'm disqualifing jing cause that's obvious)

It's probably hard to see the monkie trio getting sick because there literally built different. But I offer that they DO in fact get sick once in a blue moon and it's always a whammy on them.

I’m so sorry, hope you feel better! Seems like we’re all getting sick this November!

XD Yeah Jing would have to not participate in caretaker ranks bc of him bringing a nurse, so unfair advantage!

As for the others it’s more of a wider range.

Pigsy gets sick the least often. He’s a chef, and litterally raised a secret monkey child, so he’s immune to MUCH. Still gets vaccinated and stuff, but the worst he gets is sniffles. Makes an excellent caretaker, noodle soup all the way!

Tang still not as often (again Monkie baby) but he’s not as immune as Pigsy is. Maybe forgets the occasional flu shot and gets a nasty cough, but otherwise fine. Doesn’t make a good caregiver, but will happily read to them!

Sandy is hands down the BEST caretaker ever. Tea, soothing food, meds, blankets, cuddles, while nine yards. He don’t get sick very often bc of being on the ship/ocean most of the day, but when he does it hits him hard. Poor baby feels miserable for days. Thankfully self care and help from huntsman helps!

Mei was that kid who ate mud and dirt. Shes got an immune system like no other. The only time she ever truely got sick was pneumonia after taking a naked dip in a lake in winter (a dare from mk). She… can’t take care of anyone. She tries! But poor rich girl is just barely learning to be independent, so no bueno there.

Redson is in a similar boat, except of mud and bugs its soot and oil. He and Mei often have to call in outside reinforcements.

PIF and DBK: they both are mid. Not super great, but not terrible immune systems. Ok at taking care of a sick person, but would likely need outside help for anything worse than sniffles.

Azure doesn’t get sick very often. Most times it’s from stuff he ate that he probably shouldn’t have (he’s a cat 🤷‍♀️) so most of it is vomiting. Is an amazing caretaker! Was the go to for when anyone of the brotherhood got sick!

Jing: like I said disqualified for caretaker bc of being a nurse. But while he did used to have a great immune system, after having so many pregnancy’s and births his health did start to deteriorate. Now for a while after that he would get sick very easily. (It doesn’t last, he gets his immunity back a bit after the final recovery)

Lady Yin was Botha blessing and a curse. She was mama, so she was an amazing caretaker. But she was mama, so if she got something she gave it to EVERYBODY (I’m not projecting no of course not)

Nezha is an ok caregiver. A bit clueless but he’s trying. Used to have the worst immune system ever! Got sick at every opportunity! Managed to grow out of it but there are HORROR stories!

Muzha same as Nezha.

Jinzha suprisingly has never gotten anything worse than a bad cough. Is an excellent caregiver, I mean he’s the Buddha’s bodyguard he’s probably had to play nurse a few times.

Yin and Jin are absolute disasters. They don’t get sick often but when they do they are WHINEY BRATS about it! They burn soup on the stove, so they need to call someone to help when they are Jinzha are sick.

Yellow tusk is an ok caregiver. Is well versed in medicine, so is able to provide that. Aside from that he’s not very involved. Gets sick maybe once in a while, never anything too bad. Gets infections from broken bones suprisngly easy though.

Peng is a horrible patient and an even worse caregiver. Gets sick every year with the flu and basically goes into hibernation. Sucks at being a caregiver bc he’s nit very empathetic (he’s trying tho)

Spider Queen and Scorpian Queen both have the potential to get very sick very easily. Spider Queen less so (I mean, sewers?), but they still get it more often then not. They both make ok caregivers, and will do their best to make one feel safe and comfortable.

Huntsman and Goliath both never get sick and are awful caregivers. They don’t MEAN to be bad caregivers, but being spider demons makes it hard to grasp the concept.

Syntax is a shockingly good caregiver, but and absolute crybaby when it comes to getting sick. He gets sick every now and again, but when it happens it’s usually high delirious fevers.

Wukong and Macaque are both good and awful caregivers. Their old monkies, so their definition of caretaking is a little different. Still makes sure the other is safe and comfortable tho. They get sick litterally never. It’s impossible to get sick naturally, so usually they have to be positioned. That point it’s less sick and more er trip.

Erlang is a very quiet when he’s sick. Oftentimes the fevers make him spiral, making him question why they love him and that he shouldn’t be a bother. As a caregiver he’s okish. Not the best but not the worst, he has his moments where he’s able to make the sick person laugh even when they feel crumby.

Mk is a FANTASTIC caregiver! Learned from the best afterall! Will go the full nine yards as well! Soups, blankets, etc! Nezha has had many wonderful experiences with this. As for being sick, Mk got it a lot as a kid, but now that his Monkie demon stuff is coming in it went away. Again, its gotta be mostly position, and then its an er trip.

(Let me know id I missed anyone!)

[potatowithahat]

Part two: A doctors Notepad

A sdv Harvey fic

Part one here

Summer 1, year one

       Well springs gone, which means most of the allergy complaints are fizzling out. I haven't seen The Farmer since the flower dance though. I'm not sure what's going on. Did I do something to make them not like me? I don't know. I'm too anxious to ask her. The Farmer is the first real friend other than Shane or Elliot I've had since moving here, and even then there really only drinking buddies. I think I'll wait for them to come to me.

                                             -Harvey, the doctor

Summer 3, year one

       Last night there was an awful crashing noise from up by Robin's. Maru was telling me all about it when the farmer came in with a coffee for me. I think this is the first time they've come to see me since the flower dance.  I was honestly ecstatic. But Maru and the Farmer both got really quiet and just looked at each other for a second. Then Maru shouted ‘I'm a lesbian!’ And they both burst out laughing. I still don't get the joke. Either way my prospects in this town are dwindling by the day.

       I suppose you and me have a long year ahead journal. Speaking of which I think I finally named you!!!!!! Ok, ok, hear me out…. Joseph List-er. Get it! Cause you're a Journal,  so I can list everything that happens to me. Its stupid anyway. Why am I still writing like I'm talking to you? This is too odd.

                                              -Harvey, the doctor

Summer 5, year one

Linus came in around two am last night with the farmer in his arms. I nearly fainted when I saw the injuries. I haven't seen cuts like that since I med school. I'm a medical professional though,  so I got her to the beds in the back and cleaned her up. In the end they needed twenty-three stitches on their legs and four in their head. It was awful. They finally woke up around three am, thank Yoba. As soon as they was up I was checking their vitals and pupils for dilation. I asked them for their name and they just asked me what I was doing. When I tried to explain I needed to check for a concussion and amnesia they looked me dead in my eyes and said: I heard a joke about amnesia once, but I forgot how it goes.

      It wasn't even a good joke, but I was practically beside myself laughing. I don't…. Yoba this is bad. They definitely think I'm crazy after that, I must have looked insane laughing so much. I fixed myself soon enough but I still… I don't know. I gave them the whole speech on keeping safe and wound care and she was on her way home before dawn. That was maybe twenty minutes ago,  so that's all you're getting for today. I need a nap.

                                          -Harvey, the fool 

Summer 10, year one

       Sorry about the slow entries last week. Jas and Vincent caught the flu and Shane has been practically shadowing me making sure they get better. It's the longest I've seen him sober in months. Regardless, I need to get better at updating this little guy.

       Anyway, the farmer came in in a panic today asking me ‘what the hell a luau is’. Apparently she's never been to one and got a letter from Luis explaining how the governor was coming into town for it. I laughed and explained the silly tradition. It's not like the governor's visit actually matters, he always comes back. After she was calmed down she asked what she should bring. I shrugged and told her I always bring beans because there a good source of protein. Half a cup of beans can provide about seven grams of protein,  which is the same as an ounce of meat.

      Sorry, I'm rambling again. Regardless, the Farmer left midway through my beans speech saying she had the perfect idea. It was quite odd. I guess I'll have to see what they bring to the event.

                                    Harvey, the doctor 

Summer 11, year one

       The luau was a huge success this year! The Farmer brought some hot peppers, and though it was a little too spicy for my tastes it was still delicious. The Farmer came and ate by me too. It.. was quite the evening. I was exhausted by the end though. My social battery certainly isn't what it used to be. I should really start going out more. Perhaps I should bring that up in my next session.

       Either way it's quite late now. I should probably get to bed… but… something about the Farmer bugged me today. They were so lively,  but everything someone else would talk to them they'd seem to dampen a bit. Like someone covered the sun in their eyes with a cloth. It.. it was a bit odd. I considered asking them, but I couldn't quite find a way to ask ‘Where does the light in your eyes go when you talk to…

       Oh… OH.. oh Yoba. I'm a fool. I.. oh dear

                                          -Harvey

Thank you so much for reading!!!

As always, my asks are always open, so if you liked this and have any ideas or requests please feel free to suggest something!!!

Also if you're interested in any of my other works you can find them all linked in my Pinned post! Also I have an Ao3, which you can find a link to there!!!

Any way I hope you enjoyed!!!

[elslovers]

chapter one

BLOOD IN BLOOD OUT

synopsis: medical school is hard you knew it would be you prepared for the long nights and breakdowns you prepared to run off only coffee and will power for four years what you didn't prepare for was Abby Anderson you thought after graduation you would be done with her but first day of your internship there she is ready to give you hell...and maybe something more

a/n this is basically going to be greys anatomy tlou version im not sure this is gonna land with people but lord I hope so doctor abby eats so lets see how this go - also this is my first not standalone fic yay for me

you had always been a healer in one way or another, mending healing sick younger siblings back to health from a cold or nasty flu turned to taking care of your friend's hangovers after discovering to never vodka and tequila

you've spent your whole life healing people mending broken hearts and broken women, and mending parents and friends during the lows of their life it only made sense that you would dedicate your life to mending the pain of others its what you do best, and if you're being honest, you loved it at first, you thought you might want to be a vet at the ripe age of eleven. You decided you prepared the company of your pets to those around you (you still do) and thought fixing them might be a decent way to spend your adult life but the concept of seeing animals in any form of pain put you off your dinner then in middle school, you thought maybe a nurse you liked the idea of a hospital, the concept of working alongside brilliant doctors and helping save people's lives by realizing you only wanted to be a nurse because you thought you couldn't be the doctor and fuck that

college, you spent every second of every minute of every goddamn day proving you deserved to be one of the doctors, and after four years of grueling pre-med classes, you were confident you deserved to be one of the doctors then came med school, which knocked you flat on your ass. You didn't go to a shabby school for undergrad, but you ran circles around your peers there - common knowledge was that you were the one to watch, but med school was different you weren't running the circles alone Abby Anderson had been breathing down your neck and your ego from the moment you stepped foot into your first class - the first question your professor asked your two hands were the only ones to fly up

it was world war three ever since that day constantly an all-out battle as to who can bruise the other's ego more you hated her stupid notes and the way she was so above using an iPad like everyone else and was insistent on surviving med school with pen and paper for notes, only using her laptop when needed be you hated her attitude. Her father is a doctor, and she always acted like she was born with a scalpel in her hand, ready to cut she always acted so above you if you were being honest with yourself, Abby made you feel weak. She was tailor-made for this life. She was stoic and hard level headed and cool under pressure. She poked fun at all the things that made you you

she made fun of the way you doodled in the edges of your textbook she made fun of how you dressed 'like an overgrown toddler.' She would say every time you sported your colorful shirts or pants, your cardigans or fun shoes- the day you wore pigtails to a lecture was one of the worst of your years there Abby always quipped that you were better-suited teaching kindergarten than in the OR, and sometimes you started to believe her

in high school, mean girls were blondes with Jeeps and low GPAs, but in med school, the mean girl was a cut-throat soon to be doctor who almost beat you out for top of the class almost

graduation day came and when and you stood on that stage beaming ear to ear - your dress may have been pink, but you were the only one with a gold cord draped over your cap and gown so suck on that, Abby Anderson was the second name to be called and the relief that flooded your body was unexpected

it was over. She was gone, and you would never have to feel that big hand wrap around your shoulder just to tug at your ponytail you had finally gotten rid of Abby fucking Anderson and you existed blissfully with that thought all summer you'd accepted your internship at Jackson Hospital and after four miserable years of med school spent proving to yourself you deserve to be a doctor, you now got to spend the next four years of your life proving to yourself you deserve to save lives when your alarm echoed throughout the four walls of your one-bedroom apartment, it felt like a gift

today was the first day of the rest of your life

it was a fresh start - a clean slate and nothing in this world could knock you off your high at least you thought

the light blue scrubs felt like a second skin right off the bat, and with your hair in a pink clip and two cups worth of coffee In your travel mug, you gathered around the other interns and spotted the only thing that could ruin your day a honey blonde braid hanging idly down the pack of the one person who could make you regret even waking up that morning

fucking Abby

Abby had a special gift for making you feel small, always pointing out the things you love about yourself as if they were the worst flaws she'd ever seen

it blew your mind to think your first impression of her was that she was stunning

"you have got to be kidding me" You meant it to sound firm and harsh, but you know it came out weak

you watched, gawking as Abby turned roughly on her heels to tower over you properly

this was going to be a nightmare

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

to say Abigail Anderson was meant to be a surgeon would be the understatement of the year

where you were born to heal

Abby was born to cut

her father was a healer,

but what she lacked in his warmth she made up for in discipline. Abby was controlled. She was hard-working. She knew what she wanted from the moment she was old enough to vocalize it and she spent every moment of every day working toward it. It would be admirable if she was humble about it but Abby was cocky, and she knew it

she was always the one to beat all throughout her life she spent most of her young childhood inside the walls of Jackson Hospital, absorbing every ounce of knowledge her mind could, and by the time she hit high school, she was a well-oiled goddamn machine Abby lived and breathed medicine, and although out college, every move she made had the sole purpose of bringing her closer to the goal - to the one thing she was made to do it is needless to say, Abby never had many friends. That's not to say she had none. Every overachieving perfectionist can attest that various social clubs help fill the void

Abby was president of the debate team Vice President of Model UN, captain of the girl's basketball team, and an active member of the gay, straight alliance per her father's request (begging) who often worried Abby didn't surround herself with 'people on your team' as he father would put it over breakfast most mornings

Abby had people but Abby was alone. She didn't play nice with others people who weren't on her level she found boring and impossible to converse with and people on her level (people like you) posed as a threat to the territory that was rightfully hers Abby walked confidently into med school posy undergrad, convinced no one could take the wind out of her sails until she met you

for every question asked you always seemed to have the answer a second faster for every quiz test or exam that she got an A on it always felt as though you got an A + she hated the way you showed her up and did so with a smile - did so with fucking pigtails

she hated how good you got and how kind you stayed she spent years convincing herself that the way she was is what it took to become bright that warm girls sweet girls girls who doodle and play nice don't become cut throat and that Abby was made to be cut throat

but there you were personified sunshine and holding a fucking dagger to her throat it seemed unfair so when you made her feel low Abby would make you feel lower she knew her teasing and taunts were pathetic and bordering on cruel but for four years taking the wind out of your sails put it back into hers

she would be a liar if she said tequila and late nights in her apartment didn't force her to think about how soft and broken your face looks when she teases you she would be a liar if she said those thoughts didn't want to make her stop but they just were never enough when she sobered up

after graduation all she could feel was relief sure you had one for a final time you pulling top the class out from under her would chase her down in her nightmares for years to come but she had the summer to nurse her pride and by the time day one of internship rolled around she was prepared to walk though the doors of Jackson hospital exactly what she was A legacy Abby was the second link in the chain of Anderson surgons in that hospital

her father was legend and now she could follow it up build her own reputation of excellence she like he had always intended when she gathered around the other interns sipping on her coffee as they all spoke in hushed whispers about how she was the daughter of THE dr Anderson she was confident nothing could bring her down until she heard your voice small and weak and taunting as she whips around her braid nearly hitting someone in the face

"oh come the fuck on" she hissed feeling the anger rising right to her cheeks

this was going to be a nightmare

[placeinthemiddleofnowhere]

So, lots of people hate swallowing pills or getting shots(needles), much the same for animals. So, if pup hates taking annual meds (flu shots, pain pills, etc) how do the 141 get them to take them?? Well, one of them could be like those videos of owners doing something ridiculous while their pet watches and then all of a sudden- OP PILL IN MOUTH GULP... wat jus happen- (it's a video on tiktok of a women giving her cat his meds after spinning it's funny af) for needles? Coming from me who has a crippling fear of needles, the entirety of the 141 acts as a distraction while ghost subtly holds pup down (perhaps holding them in his lap with his chin on their head) and suddenly POKE.

Thoughts??

-🥚

Aw, I know the exact videos you’re talking about omg 😂 poor Pup just going about their business and suddenly they’re getting pills shoved down them. I think with their background they’d probably be used to having to take pain pills though!

The needle thing could be a possibility however 👀 like it’s extra funny as well if they’re a really skilled soldier and tough as anything but as soon as the nurse makes an appearance its 🏃‍♂️💨 it could be due to a bad past experience of them, like maybe they had to get blood drawn when they were little and the nurse couldn’t get a vein and totally bruised them and poked them a bunch of times just trying to get it in. So now they get feinty whenever one comes close and do everything to avoid it.

I could totally imagine Soap and Ghost going to take them for their appointments and Soap sitting and distracting pup and talking to them while Ghost holds them on his lap and keeps pup steady. Pup would definitely be all embarrassed about it and play it off like it’s all unnecessary and dumb while being so grateful because omg they hate needles and hate feinting and losing control around people they don’t trust

[bishiglomper]

Second time seeing my new GP. Saw my lab results last night so i thought i was gonna get the third degree about my eating habits... But she said everything had actually slightly improved since last time. Except my A1C. That was bumped up to 7.0. Which is.. okay. 👀💧

Told her I think the ozempic was giving me a major sweet tooth and its made eating meat hard. And sissy mentioned my stabbing tummy. But that hasnt happened in a few days.

But she was about to stop the ozempic because stabbing in the left side and intolerance to meat means gastroperesis. Which would be bad. I explained my thing with meat was more of an autistic burnout feeling, not that it hurt my tummy.. So I get to keep it. For now. 👀

I'm only 5lbs away from the weight i decided i would be happy with. Like lemme have that, yeah? 😅

She wants to take me off some meds. She said looking at my med list made her nauseous. Ive been on half of those for over a decade so a revamp is overdue. Especially since now im on 2 blood pressure pills and its starting to run a little low..

And FINALLY

A doctor whos wants communication from my other doctors. And not just to send me away to them to have them deal with me.

I have to sign 5 release forms so she can see what all the specialists have done so she can make informed changes. Like my diabetic meds are broken up between 3 docs, none of which were really from endocrinology lmao

Also i told her i hated cardiology and that they were useless. So once she gets those records we said she could play with my heart all she wants. Maybe since she'll have a full picture she wont just tell me to exercise my tachycardia away. 🙄

I also got a flu shot and my depo. So yay.

I had to do the mental health assessment. My sister was with me. That was kind of funny. She had opinions. 😅

Its hard to answer things like that because i am depressed and anxious, but about very specific things. 🤔 like my dysfunctional body. And the house.

In other news, I really need to do laundry. I wore this new bra i had picked up at a thrift store. I thought it was a sports bra, but now im thinking it might be some kind of compression top.

Its very comfy. I like it. Might live in it. 🤔

Normally i wouldn't want to squish my boobs but as long as it doesnt make my gut stand out, i really dont care if i dont have boobs. 🙃

[catastrothy]

here is a little chronicle of my sickness journey btw. bc i feel like i need to write this down because its been hilariously awful lol

warning 4 gross stuff, oversharing, and me bitching, unsurprisingly

back in early august i got sick with what i thought was a cold. basic symptoms, fever, achiness, runny nose, etc. things are relatively normal at first, i've gotten sick dozens of times because i'm particularly prone to sinus and ear infections so i brushed it off

And Then The Hives Began.

all over my limbs and very rarely on my torso and neck. even had one on my face. at one point my throat got very itchy and i had a panic attack thinking i would get anaphylaxis for the first time in my life. thankfully i took a shitton of claritin + pepcid + benedryl and it kicked in fast enough that i was okay

i go to the local urgent care. the doctor is amazing and gives a shit and prescribes me some steroids + recommends i keep taking what i've been taking. tells me to follow up with my primary doctor and to come back if things get worse.

Things Continue To Get Worse.

i go to my primary doctor. she is not very helpful. i've been thinking of switching providers anyway because i'm moving and this has kind of solidified this decision because i'm told "well that's weird! just uhh. keep taking your antihistamines and don't go out in public. good luck :)" the only thing is its been a hot minute since i switched providers and i dont really remember what the process is like and i will inevitably get social anxiety about it.

this continues for a while. i'm managing, i feel like shit. but i am managing. now here comes the really gross part. this morning (9/15/23) i am chilling on my computer. i go to scratch my stomach, only to find... there is crust. around my belly button. why is my belly button so crusty? what? it turns out there is discharge of some sort coming from there. why? who knows! it's not too painful but between the fact my fever is now higher than it's ever been (although still a low grade one) and i have this unexplained discharge it throws me into one of the worst panic attacks i've had in a while. all the worst case scenarios (sepsis, my second greatest phobia besides anaphylaxis) are running through my head but i remind myself every time i've thought shit was mega fucked it turned out okay. mira also helps comfort me and im able to collect myself and go to the urgent care (again). also on top of this i have like 3 cold sores and my period going at the same time so i am extra suffering!!!!!!!!!!

the doctor there is again really understanding and wonderful. i love this woman. she tests me for flu, covid, strep, and mono. she says she tests for mono specifically because a lot of other doctors miss it and make patients suffer for no reason. all tests come back negative thankfully (or maybe unthankfully... because we still dont know what the fuck i got). she puts me on like 5 new different meds (antiviral, antibiotic, steroid, nausea meds, and an antifungal to help if i get a yeast infection while on the antibiotic). at this point i am genuinely wishing i could make this lady my primary doctor but alas, 'tis not to be.

i am now given 1 shot each of antibiotic and steroid. one in each butt cheek. my ass hurts so badly. sitting is vaguely uncomfortable.

i am given some gauze and also told to buy dial soap for the belly button infection. i go home and lay on the couch. and thus this is where we are now

also my electric company charged me like $200 for electricity which we do not have atm so thats a cool cherry on top

anyway moral of the story is that my immune system is garbage and i wish it attacked the virus instead of me <3

[fuckin-sick-bih]

Hi it’s the Matt anon from days past and your ramblings about him were so so cute! If you have any more thoughts about sick Matt or the energy to write a drabble about his stubborn self being sick in court, that’d be amazing!

Hey, anon!! Glad to hear from you! Sorry, this took me a bit to answer, but have some sick Matt ramblings under the cut because this got a bit long lmao

We all know Matt will try to work his day job through a cold or the flu or whatever it is. To the point where Foggy probably just keeps a travel pack of tissues in his bag, not for himself, but for Matt when his stubborn ass comes in sick. He's pretty good at stifling both for Daredevil-ing and for keeping quiet in court. Damn near silent. But he won't if he doesn't have to. His answer to being sick is "meditate" first, cold and flu meds LAST resort because they mess with his senses as much, if not more, than the cold. I also think that once Matt really gives in to being sick he's all in. I'm talking blanket cocoon. Once he's down for the count, he's down. Won't get out of bed except to for the bathroom and hard maybe to get a scrap of food. A cough or sore through sucks yeah, but it's congestion that really fucks with him. The more stuffed up he is the less ability to sense the world around him. Can Matt navigate the world like any blind person? Absolutely! But he's not used to it and admittedly a little over-reliant on his heightened senses. So stuffily getting through his speech to the jury and trying to navigate his way back to his seat is like a foggy maze to him. Anything his senses pick up is muggy and wrong so Matt's left with mostly tactile cues. It leads him to bump into the table a few times before his sick, sluggish brain has its spot more memorized. When he's home alone or up on a rooftop where no one can hear him? All raw red nose to match his firey hair with fever-flushed cheeks against pale skin. He won't stifle. Finally, he'll just let go "Heh'KXXSHuh!"